#its like the more i care the worse i fuck things up idk if some part me is intentionally self sabotaging just because im built to self

[kicksnscribs]

So seeings how ai work still fucks me up at the mere thought of it maybe just maybe i can get over it if i vent my frustrations out on it here?

#art hasnt been fun for me for a while for a different reason but with the introduction of ai work its just made my mindset worse #like what the fuck how dare you take the one thing im good at and make it meaningless #the only thing i may be capable of doing as a job and its being threatened with obsoletion? #“oh it helps speed up work flow” ok but why do you need it now? #why cant you just wait? #thousands of things to consume already but you want to have more? #and then when it turns out to not be good then ppl riot? #i just dont understand the push to have ai work be used in the industry #i couldnt give a rats ass if you use it for personal use but i give a mighty fuck about it being used in the industry #bc while some ppl still commission artists larger corps will not bc theyre too busy trying to scam every goddamn nickle and dime out of - #their consumer base #and goddamn if the govt is moving fast enough to mitigate the damage #and thats not even a guarantee bc lobbyists exist and you KNOW they are doing their damnedest to try and find loopholes #idk i dont know how ai systems work and unless they are related to gaming ai i really dont care #but i really REALLY care about being able to make a living off of one of the few skills im capable of doing #bc lord KNOWs im fucking worthless at everything else in this bitch ass society im forced to comply to #like fuck me i can't catch a fucking break can i? #ranting #personal rant #i aint anti but ill be damned if i view it in a favorable light #dni i just need to fucking scream

[imperiuswrecked]

Me: Hi, I’m not feeling great. I need to find a doctor and make an appointment.  Office 1: Sorry we aren’t accepting new patients Office 2: We have an opening in august Office 3: We have an opening in december Office 4: We have an opening in september Office 5: We only do X type of medicine Office 6: RoboPhone: Please go online to make an appointment Office 7: RoboPhone: No one is able to answer your call Office 8: we have an opening next week. me, a desperate creature: I WILL TAKE IT. thanks. 

#*SCREAMS IN AMERICAN HEALTHCARE* #doctors wonder why people go to those damn pop up clinics that masquerade as mini emergency rooms and urgent care centers #THIS IS WHY #if I feel like I'm dying im not waiting till september angela!!! #not to mention I have to find a doctor in my health plan #not to mention within my driving distance #not to mention a million other things #my ramblings #cw health #i hate those urgent care centers so much #and i swore to never go to one of those again if i could avoid it #the last one i went to turned me away when I was sobbing in pain bc they couldnt help me and i needed to go to a real hospital #but they had been happy enough to take my money whenever I came to them before and kept going to them for weeks #bc I kept telling them something felt wrong and they said I was fine I just needed physical therapy for my spine #but it turned out to be nerve issues that could have idk maybe been avoided if they took me more seriously #however what im feeling now isnt enough to go to an emergency room for #hence my search for a new doctor since I switched health plans #this country's health care is so fucked its unreal how much I have to deal with #just to get some actual care #and yet I know there are people out there who have it way worse than me

[arolesbianism]

Yet another beautiful day to have the Maxwel tag blocked (can't see half of the posts in the Wendy tags)

#rat rambles #starve posting #maxwell posters have lost any semblance of tolerance from me ages ago Ive yet to meet a maxwell fan who's just like a normal person #and to clarify I actually do like maxwel as I am the number one just some asshole whos in too deep enjoyer #but dear god are ppl just absolutely incapable of being normal abt this man and everyone around him #and even beyond that ppl just do not get this man like please he is indeed interesting but not because of some 'retconed redemption' #like pls we can live in a world where he is not an irridemable monster and is in fact just some guy while also still being a flawed person #like the fact that he is so deeply flawed in ways that he never actually properly adressed and challenged is the interesting thing to me #like look at me. he went through horrible shit he didnt deserve. that didnt inherently make him a better or worse person #it just made him a more miserable person #and he didnt escape because of some change of heart or character development #and afterwards he teamed up with wilson because of necessity #I do think on some level he genuinely cares abt the other survivors and he does have genuine regret for how things turned out #but again those things dont inherently mean he moved past the flaws that got him here it just means he has the ability to recognize that #shit sucks and that he wish none of it happened #its why encore is one of my favorite animations from a character perspective because it shows some juicy charlie and maxwell stuff #mainly it shows both that charlie has not forgiven his ass and is manipulating him and that maxwell is still susceptible to it #which isnt a sigh of them rolling back development it's just a sign that maxwell is easy to manipulate with the right cards #which adds up considering his past and his present very well in my opinion #this is a man whos historically always ran away from his problems and is always on the hunt for a sense of control #and charlie tapped into both that and his ever present guilt #its in fact very unsurprising and not out of place for him to fall for that sort of manipulation #and it also makes for a great set up for the inevitable betrayal from charlie as maxwell is hit by the harsh reality of his situation #and that whole situation would lead to some yummy tasty parallels when charlie inevitably gets betrayed herself (I hope) #the ways charlie and maxwel are so similar yet so different facinates me deeply I love how much charlie doesnt realize shes kinda fucked #I want her to be betrayed so hard and left in the dust with no ground to stand on I want the rug pulled out from under her feet #her composition comes from her confidence in the necessity of her actions and the moral superiority she feels over maxwell #so having her sense of superiority be revoked would make for a super fascinating dynamic as she tries to justify the situation in her head #I wanna see her siral and then maybe change her pronouns idk

[prescienceofdawn]

.

#my car is falling apart and so is whats left of my brain #i want companionship so badly but judging by #the mangled trail of relationships in my wake and my seeming inability to deal with literally any of my problems i a m probably not fit #i want to get better i want to get married and have a family and the whole fucking bit buti dont know who i am or how to relate to #other people in a normal healthy way #i dont know how to love people without extreme fear and paranoia and all the other shit that haunts my interpersonal relationships #i should have died i am not fit for any of this and probably never will be no matter how bad i want it #i dont know how to stop hurting myself and the people around me #i love so hard and all i have to show for it is pure insanity #its like the more i care the worse i fuck things up idk if some part me is intentionally self sabotaging just because im built to self #destruct i dont know what motivates me entirely like there are parts i understand but i feel like a wild animal in a trap that cant stop #biting everything that comes near it idk #i feel insane #i need to go to therapy Clearly but i am terrified of being too far gone #its like without my permission i’ve reverted back to my childself who reflexively sees the worst in everything and everyone in order to #keep myself emotionally distant and therefore emotionally safe #or something like that #idk #thats undeniably part of if #i mean ive been hiding for a long time #i dont think ive ever let another person know more than 70% of me #and that might be a generous percentage #but that 30% is that part that tends to control the decision and like #even i dont really know that guy i very pointedly dont look at him and dont let people know hom #because even i dont get that bitch and his lore makes everything way too complicated and painful id rather not #if keeping secrets from others kills intimacy and connection id say keeping secrets from myself may be responsible for my sense of constant #alienation my disconnect from Myself and probably a lot of other problems #how can i have a meaningful relationship of any kind when my fear and my ego dont allow me to let myself be known #how is it that i can house this much affection and inflict this much damage at the same time #my intentions and desires could not be more different from the shit i end up doing idk where it all goes wrong in me

[mmorw]

I need to see more sub Diabolik Lovers 😭

So, hear me out:

imagine Carla Tsukinami riding his s/o's cock, and when he feels that his s/o is close to cum, Carla simply says "If you take it out and cum outside my cunt I will punish you! " which resulted in his s/o filling him with cum until he can't feel his legs

-🦇

this is so carla thanks 🦇 anon let me kiss your toes

cw: afab carla. unprotected. leash use. cowgirl position. tied wrists. uhh forced pregnancy ?? idk. sensible carla !!

the first thing you think about having sex with carla is really not a very nice feeling, i just know this man has some weirdly kinky fetishes who prioritize pain over.. well, everything.

he is a sadistic person, cruel and ruthless, never showing his weakness or soft side unless necessary. poor you who had to fall into the hands of a guy like that, ush.

he likes grinding, his hand roughly pulling from the loop connected to the leash around your neck, your hard cock is being foolishly stimulated by carla's folds, while that creepy smirk on his lips remains to shine brighter everytime.

“i really can't do this with my wrists being tied—”

“shut it if you don't want me to control your mind and trust me, it will be worse.”

your eyes are trapped looking down at your glans bathed in juices, a joint of your pre-cum with carla's thick slick; which only makes your dick to grind more easily. an soft whisper came out your lips when carla eyes at you and then bothers you moving more quick.

“carla— I don't think I'm getting blood to my wrists.” you gasped, almost saying it in a small whisper as carla moaned. “j-just untie them, how hard could that be?”

“are you still talking?” his hand pulled back roughly the loop of your leash, making your neck and head follow him. he seemed quite bothered, enough to make you look away. “i said shut it, pet. god, every good thing always has something bad glued to it.”

was he referring to your dick wasn't he.

your thoughts were interrupted as soon as you felt the tip of your member forcefully press against carla's entrance, his smirk becoming once again bigger than before.

“carla,” you gasped once you felt him tightening around, low and painful movement trying to sink your cock into his cunt; which carla only enjoyed more.

“listen here, you needy fuck.” he groaned a moment, hissing when he gently arched his back at the sensibility. “if you dare to take it out and cum on my stomach, i will punish you.”

carla was acting like a damn animal, even when the words left his lips as he didn't even took a second to immediately start riding you, pulling the loop of the leash to bring you consciousness again every time you felt your dick being embraced by the same arms of a super damn tight fleshlight— which made you start feeling quite dizzy.

the moans that left carla's lips were immediately heard throughout the room, the fucking bastard didn't even care if anyone close to the place could hear him, he was an exhibitionist !

“pet— you,” he groaned, his eyes closed as he jumped on it, his eyebrowns slightly frowned as he let soft moans subdued by the corner of his fangs, biting his lip harshly. “fuck! ”

your eyes widened a bit as the shaky and sharp sound of that moan, light beads of sweat falling from your forehead once you could see carla's blushing face, maybe it was because of the heat— dickrider at its finest.

you both closed your eyes at the same moment, engulfed by pleasure you once simply accepted that this time you wouldn't dominate (not like you ever did) that greedy cunt of his. as carla keeped moaning, shaky hand on his lips as the other one remembered the leash and pulled your neck roughly towards him.

“it's throbbing— it's throbbing, fuck-” he cried once he felt your hips move up to meet his as well, looking at carla's legs shaking as you bite your lip, throwing your head back in a gasp. “It feels so, so good.”

“carla, please.” you said with your lips hard bitten, an slight eye looking at him on top of you. “i'm going to,, to—”

“shut it!” carla yelled, pushing his buttons further as he leaned towards you, his legs felt heavy and shakily, but he didn't stopped jumping, riding, whatever the hell he was doing.

the minutes passed painfully, and you could swear that you were hearing him beg in whispers how bad he wanted you to come, to make himself feel powerful for being able to make you cum so bad, like the damn slut he was.

miraculously, carla's words were heard taking no more than two more rough pounds for your hips to tilt again and let your glans kiss forcefully carla's womb entrance, letting you roughly came inside the small cavity between his legs.

carla forced his body to stay still, while his expression gave it all away; those stupid eyebrowns of his tilting as one hand fell on your chest, pressing you in place as he let out an shaky whisper of pleasure.

carla might be pretty good at hiding his things, but you immediately knew you'd done a good job once his legs won't stopped shaking after that.

maybe they wouldn't for some minutes, huh.

#dom male reader #dom reader #sub diabolik lovers #sub carla tsukinami #„🦇 anon“ #yummy #not gonna lie i kinda lost my superpower writing stuff

[savannahsdeath]

Hi <33 I love love love your writing and I really want your take on what fucking santa barbara!Ellie would be like if your up to it 🫶🫶

first of all THANK YOU💗💗 and yes ofc i tried my best !!

SANTA BARBARA!ELLIE X READER HEADCANONS + EXAMPLE ONESHOT

mdni please<3

warnings: 18+!! smut

writers note: its not like my typical hcs because this ones more like umm with plot?? idk how to say this but i hope ykwim😓ENJOY!!

🌿 she's definitely rough like im sure 100%

🌿 she would degrade you but she also praises you from time to time

🌿 now, hear me out, she doesnt have her usual smirk. like someeetimessss but mostly she looks so stern and focused youre literally scared to make a sound

🌿 she definitely doesnt care about making a mess. shed be sooo sloppy istg!!!!

🌿 she also doesnt care about whatever youre saying. she barely listens. everytime you hit her with a 'stop/too fast' she either completely ignores you or replies with some 'huh? what did you say?' and shed go even faster..

🌿 she def uses strap but also loves just using her fingers. she just wants to feel it ykwimmm

heres an example story(lets skip the plot)

its not really what i meant but whatever😓

You couldn't stop yourself from moaning, what seemed like an invitation for Ellie to shush you by pressing her lips to yours. It silenced you, but not stopped, as your inaudible groans were now caught in Ellie's throat.

You were unable to move, pressed against the wall, so she didnt need to hold you. With her free hands she started undressing you both, knowing you wont be able to do so by yourself. She didn't break the kiss though, only stopping for a second when she had to pull your shirt over your head and didn't have access to your face. She continued right after.

You're not sure when did you moved to the bed, but here you were, laying down beneath her.

She kissed your neck, leaving wet spots on it. She was moving down your body, as you played with her hair, shutting your eyes closed.

Not long after that, a few more of your body parts were red from her nibbling - inner thighs mostly.

Even though she took her time, it didn't take too long. She knew youre impatient and wasn't in mood to mess with you, not yet, not like that.

Soon after, she buried her face between your legs, planting the same messy kisses all over there.

Her hands were holding onto your thighs, preventing them from clenching. You knew her grip will leave bruises, painful ones too, but you didnt care.

Ellie's tongue was definitely doing a good job, playing with your clit, slidding in and out of your entrance.

Her fingers didn't loose up but her thumbs started gently tracing circles on your skin, which definitely made it seem less aggressive.

When she was finished with her mouth, one of her hands took the initiative. She was rubbing two of her fingers for a few short moments, before pushing them in.

You were finally able to see her face - her expression. She looked at you firmly, like one bad move could get you killed.

You were whining and whimpering, desperately begging her to slow down.

"Sh, shhh... Just take what youre given, will you?" The corners of her mouth moved slightly upwards, creating a little smile.

You nodded but continued squirming, your thighs trembling, breath shaking...

"Oh, dont be so dramatic. Youre doing good, you'll handle it, trust me." She reassuringly patted your side. "People survived worse things."

Did that help? Well...

But you knew its the best she can do when it comes to being nice. You couldnt blame her, not after you found out about her past. She killed more people than you ever talked with, after all..

Your mind went blank and you couldnt think of anything to say, so you kept mumbling the two words you always do - 'Ellie' and 'please'. At this point, it seems your mouth remembered how to say these. Your tongue knew exactly what to do to make them come out of your mouth, while it was struggling with any other word.

But it was enough for her to know what you want to say.

When youre finally done (she can tell youre close by the way you scream her name, so she knows when to go faster), she cleans you up with her toned expression.

"See? You'll live, atta fucking girl."

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x you #ellie x reader #ellie x y/n #ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie williams headcanons #reqs open #wlw smut #ellie the last of us #ellie williams smut #imagine #oneshot #fan fiction #fanfic #request #thank you nonnie #i love you nonnie #santa barbara #santa barbara!ellie #santa barbara!ellie x reader

[melissa-titanium]

HELLOOO CAN I TALK TO YOU ABT DOLL

do you think that like, her being at school let her have some escape from her home and her revenge plans, like in this picture she is smiling and it looks way more like a happy smile than here

SHE IS HAPPY TO GET HER REVENGE, BUT SHE LOOKS SO TIRED, EVEN HER LAUGH IS TIRED

its like shes getting worse from the kills, in her house there was enough oil for her to not kill any other drones, yet her plan had to work, but it didnt, and only let her feeling more guilty

EVERYONE IS ALLOWED TO SEND ME SHIT ABOUT DOLL ALWAYS AT ANY TIME EVER FOREVER AND EVER. I LITERALLY NEED HER. SHES SO FUCKING COOL. BUT OMG HI YES HOLD ON

thats such an interesting take on pilot doll omg HI???? YES I CAN TOTALLY SEE THIS CONSIDERING WE DONT SEE DOLL IN SCHOOL OUTSIDE OF THE PILOT. HIIII YES OMG ok ok.

i havent actually thought this much about this. i personally think her in the pilot vs her in promening was like. not really a Whole big difference but like...the fact that lizzy now has access to v set her off. shes always been a little unsettling, a little fucking deranged but maybe something happened between ep 1 and 3 thatr was like. lizzy came to her like... hey, one of the disassembly drones came by my bunk the other day. was this the one? (shows doll a pic) and doll just FUcking Loses it . i think she was actively vengeful during the pilot too but YES like ur saying its almost a .grounding thing. everyone here is real and alive. and then at the end of the day she has to go back and face dozens upon dozens upon dozens of corpses that are there because of HER and its liike. idk i imagine shes 18-22 . shes young as hell. and that FUCKS WITH YOU. this is doll to me:

they know damn well her parents are dead but she's just under being eerie enough that no one really suspects her for anything going on. she's relatively normal around lizzy & not aggressive but not outgoing with other students. like to everyone, shes just a normal kid who lost her parents. plenty of kids have lost their parents, considering the murder drones lurking *right outside the bunker.*

i think she would get tired. yeah. she held onto the all consuming debilitating hatred for these genocidal war machines that killed her parents and countless others. then heartbeat happens, and suddenly people are Okay with them??? that would fucking set her OFF. so long, so fucking long shes been holding onto her anger and not being able to do anything about it . BUT NOW SHE CAN. ough ok but then theres those conflicting feelings bcos of uzi. u can see in promening she has SOME sense of... for lack of a better word, humanity in how she treats uzi (hell even tossing lizzy out of the way when she started killing people.) i think she picks and choses who she cares about and then is usually consistent in how she treats them. basically; dont get on her bad side. she's conflicted at the end of ep3 after learning uzi has the solver; but uzi is siding with the murder drones and thats HER loss for being SCHTUPIDDDDDDDD!!!! but then again, she finally has someone who understands what shes going through... but also AUGH..! i have to kill v i HAVE to kill v ive gotten so far i cant give up now FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! i think there would be so much of her being conflicted between uzi knows what i feel. but also uzi is siding with the bitch who killed my fucking parents. i think she would just spiral and spiral until dead end comes along and she has a decision to make. and she makes it. and uzi is Fucked and v is Fucked and n and tessa are FUCKEd AND OK TYHIS IS GETTING LONG IM DONE

doll jumpscare

#asks #murder drones #mel art

[dozyrogue]

Ok im still thinking of the philza and tubbo fight cuz it reminds me of the marvel fandom when talking about the ending of cilvil war

Bucky killed tonys parents and tony tried to kill him, some where mad at tony cuz he tried to kill bucky but bucky was a victim. Others agreed but still pointed out that he still killed people. It goes into more details but I don't wanna do that

Philza says that we should help him cuz hes a friend and we should help each other, cuz hes a victim an doesn't have a choice. Lock him up and find a cure like last time. And yeah that's phil to a T, phil would travel to hell and back to protect his freinds. And he knows he has friend's who would do the same for him. Man's disappears and the island panics. Bolas would flock around their leader to protect him from the other teams

There's also the added fact that it does take a bit to earn philza's trust and forever has that trust. So to him he sees forever is clearly not himself and he knows how MUCH HE LOVES Tallulah and would never ever purposely hurt her. So something's wrong with forever obviously. And of COURSE he wants to help out forever back together again.

Like when he told tubbo we help forever and then said he would expect tubbo to help phil if he was ever in this position shows so much about phils character to me. Like u help each other so hearing someone u trust doing something as quick as killing him would freak me out lol.

Then theres my sweet traumatized tubbo, he can trust so easily but take his trust away just as easily, his self estime is so low that he expects everyone to be against him. then it was evern worse after purgatory 1 and fred things keep getting worse. And worse of all hes kidnapped from the island most people didn't know he was taken and was forced to leave his kid. In purgatory 2 mans finally had his targaryan moment and took them all down with him.

Then hes back and hears that forever suddenly is different...again. corralled all the kids into following him and that he hurt Tallulah and tried to kill chayanne. Sent ramon into a panic to the point man's PUT ON HIS ARMOR. he himself believes that the island would turn on him immediately if he did something wrong. So if course he would think the same if someone lost it AND HURT THE CHILDREN. he went into purgatory with the only thought of helping the children, and questioning why the other islanders forgot that the point of this. He even said himself that he would choose his godchildren anyway over fred. NoW HIS DAUGHTER IS IN THE MIX. AND ITS NOT EVEN THE FEDS GOING AFTER THE KIDS ITS ONE OF THEIR OWN.

So of course!!! To tubbo the only choice for forever is to kill him so he himself doesn't hurt the eggs again. For any of the islanders the idea of hurting the children even if they were the victim would probably ruin him.

I agree with both yes we should help forever but i agree with tubbo a bit more if forever is so possessed with whatever that hes going after the children???? Kill him, jail prison, lock him away.

And phil expecting for tubbo to help him if he was ever in the same position but tubbo made a promise to care for his godchildren if phil was ever in a place were he couldnt tubbo would fucking kill him.

Idk I really liked the fight shows the difference between the characters and specifically how tubbo changed as a character.

I probably have more thoughts on this but this is it??? Me thinks??

#qsmp tubbo #tubbo #qsmp philza #qsmp sunny #qsmp tallulah #qsmp chayanne #i feel like im saying a lot and its just words im so sorry #i cant sleeeeeep

[chapel-of-rizztual]

heard you can't stop writing phantom... may I offer a little idea then?

I think he's an absolute sex crier, like, he doesn't even know why and he can't control it, he's just always crying

its not just his eyes watering, it's fucking waterfalls and body shaking sobs. he scared every ghoul during their first time together, thinking they did something very wrong

that's why someone (swiss, please, swiss) just... carries on when phantom starts crying one time they're having sex. he doesn't realise, at least at first, that this is an actual crying, like there's a problem crying...

and then idk what happens, do with that what you will (/nf ofc) hehehe

This was meant to be a couple of bulletpoint Headcanons but it turned into this…

i feel like there should be some kind of warming here but I’m not sure what? Withdrawing consent? Freezing during sex? Nothing bad happens but if you’re sensitive to that kind of thing then be careful.

Phantom was emotional. Everyone discovered that pretty quickly. It didn’t take much to make tears ruin down his cheeks, puppies, kitten, whenever Dew falls asleep curled up, that one tiny spoon in the kitchen he insists is ‘cute’. Any type of film, doesn’t matter if the ending is sad or happy, it’ll have him sobbing for at least an hour. He cries. And he’s not ashamed of it. 

During sex it’s the worst. He’d managed to give a few of the ghouls warning before hand that he’ll most definitely cry, but he’d forgotten with some which led to some awkward moments but they all soon got use to it. In fact, They’d all made it into a competition to see who could get him to cry the most. Mountain was winning, followed by Cumulus, which everyone pretends to shocked at. 

So when Swiss see tears flowing down Phantom’s cheeks he doesn’t think anything of it. He had the little ghoul on his back, his legs around his shoulders, feet lock behind his head as Swiss pounded deep into him. Phantom had his tail curled tightly around Swiss’ thigh. The tears had stared about thirty second after Swiss had pushed into him and honestly Swiss was impressed he’d lasted that long. Normally the waterworks started about ten seconds into someone kissing him. 

But this time was different, Phantom had changed suddenly. He wasn’t hard anymore but that wasn’t always unusual but the tail curled around Swiss’ thigh was too tight, his body was too stiff, he wasn’t arching into Swiss like he normally was. He was gripping the sheets below him but it was different to usual, his face was scrunched up in a pained expression and each roll of Swiss’ had a flash of a grimace on his face. The normal sweet sounds were replaced with…nothing, no gasps, or moans, he was just silent as far tears rolled down his cheeks. 

Swiss slowed his thrusts, running a gentle hand down Phantom thigh that’s resting against his belly. “Hey, you doing okay, bug?” 

He gets no response from Phantom except more tears leaking from his eyes.

More alarm bells ring in the back of Swiss mind as he stops completely, squeezing at Phantom's hip bone probably a little harder then necessary. 

“Hey, hey Phantom? Can you look at me? I need to know you’re okay.” 

Phantom’s eyes flick to Swiss’ as he makes eye contact with him Swiss can feel his heart shattering in his chest at the pained, almost panicked expression on Phantom's face. 

He rubs at his hip again, a little more gently this time.  “Phantom, do you want to stop?”  Phantom’s whole face crumbles as he nods. 

Swiss pulls out immediately but carefully not wanting to possibly hurt Phantom more then already might be. He wasn’t sure what make Phantom want to stop but if he was hurt he wasn’t about to make it even worse. 

Phantom’s whole body deflates onto the mattress when Swiss pulls out, letting out a harsh gasped sob as he curls in on himself. 

Swiss immediately shuffled up to the end of the bed, to where Phantom’s head is and strokes a gentle finger down the back of his hand so the ghoul knows he’s there. 

“Can I touch you? Can I hold you? Is that okay?” He keeps his voice to a soft whisper, not wanting to possibly scare him any more. 

Phantom doesn’t reply verbally but he practically throws himself at Swiss. Luckily for him Swiss catches him and cradles him into his lap. Swiss moves to sit against the headboard of the bed, pulling Phantom into his neck as he wracks a sob, a stream of tears flowing dow his cheeks. 

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you. You’re safe, baby bug.” Swiss rocked them gently from side to side, whispering little praises into his ear and running a hand through his hair, scratching around the base of his horns. 

“It’s okay. Let’s it all out, baby bug. You did so well, I’m so proud of you.” 

Eventually, with the help of Swiss’ kind praise and soft touches, Phantom’s sobbing subsides to little gasp like hiccups. He snuffles into Swiss neck, nosing at his scent glad letting the comforting smell of Swiss wash over him with a small hum. 

Swiss kisses at his forehead, wiping away form of  the stray tears on his cheeks.  “You back with me? You okay?” 

Phantom nods, feeling a little more like himself now. Swiss is still rocking them gently as he rubs at Phantom’s back. “Can you tell be what happened there?”  Phantom shrugs a little, clearing his throat. “I-don’t know? I just- didn’t want it anymore?”

 Swiss gives him a squeeze around his waist.“Then why didn’t you say anything?” He lets out a sign. “You can say no, you can say stop, to me-to anyone, and it’s okay.”  Phantom feels his bottom lip wobble as more tears well in his eyes. “I wanted too! But- I just- I froze! It was like I couldn’t move or speak, but I wanted to tell you to stop.” 

Swiss squeezes him even harder. “Oh, darling. I’m not mad at you, I promise. I just want to keep you safe.” 

Phantom nods into his neck but it’s too late, fresh tears are already running down his face. Swiss coos at him, picking up his rocking from before. “How about, I check in with you more? And I can tell the other to as well, so we don’t have you freezing up like that again? Would that be easier? Maybe we can have a code, like you pinch someone’s thigh three times if you want to stop?”  Phantom sniffs and nods. “That would be good, I think. We can try that?” 

“We can try whatever you want, baby bug.” Swiss kisses at his forehead again. “Hey, I think there might be some of Dew’s fancy expensive chocolate ice cream hidden at the back of the freezer, I’m sure we can steal it without him noticing. And if he does notice we can blame Mountain.”  Phantom let’s out a giggle, nodding onto Swiss neck. “That sounds nice, but can we just cuddle for a little bit longer, don’t want to let you go yet?”   Swiss hooks a finger under Phantom's chin, tilting his head back so he can look at him and presses his lips to Phantom’s in an overly sweet kiss. “Anything you want, baby bug. Anything you want.” 

#thanks for the ask! #ficlet #the band ghost #nameless ghouls #ghost headcanons #swiss ghoul #phantom ghoul #my writing

[crushedsweets]

im literally dying (i have covid again) which has inspired me to ask:: which creeps do u think r the most dramatic when they r ill

- 🌙

omg. . OK. I GOT THIS. also pls feel better n take care of urself. most- BEN (ghost virus or some shit idk) Jeff Dina/Judge angels Nina Brian Sally Liu Jack Jane Lulu Ann Sadie Kate Natalie Tim Toby -least short explanations under the cut. ill organize it by overreaction, normal reaction, and underreaction.

overreacts: BEN, Jeff, Dina, Nina. i'm just gonna say ben can get computer viruses that just create nausea and feelings of fatigue, but he'd be so annoying about it. "ohhh...the ache, you wouldn't get it..this is worse for ghosts... no other ghost gets sick, but im different, and it hurtsss..ohhhh..... ahhhggh..." Jeff's also dramatic but more like he's lazy and will tell people to do things for him bc "im sick" and then cough and sneeze hella fucking loud to prove it. dina and nina are similar to jeff, they're both whining and laying in bed asking people to get stuff, but they're not gonna be begging or demanding.. mostly. reacts normally: Brian, Sally, Liu, Jack, Jane, Lulu, Ann idk how to describe this. they literally just rest, take their medicine, etc. brian would probably bitch about it more, sally would refuse medicine(when she was alive), but i wouldn't say any are that dramatic. underreacts: Sadie, Kate, Toby, Natalie, Tim Sadie(when she was alive) and Kate just have zero care for themselves. Sadie will take a painkiller and move on, and Kate would like. rest in the mines on a dirty mattress toby dragged over. drink some water, but cope otherwise. natalie got sick all the fucking time as a kid, all the time cuz her home was filthy and she was always eating fuckin dirt, but now her immune system is really strong so she doesnt feel too sick all the time. she was raised to 'man up' about it. same with tim, thinks he shouldnt 'act like a pussy' even if its awful pain. he'll cough a lung out and then b like "ok work time" LOL . Toby doesn't usually realize when he's sick, cuz he can't feel the fevers or stomach/headaches, but if he does notice..he still doesnt care. he'll like, go to sleep in boxers+shirtless to avoid overheating since he can't sweat either, but he doesnt really do much otherwise

#asks #creepypasta #ticci toby #hcs #natalie ouellette #creepypasta headcanons #ugh i dont wanan tag everyone #nina the killer #jeff the killer #ben drowned #eyeless jack #jane the killer #homicidal liu #lulu creepypasta #nurse ann

[katy-l-wood]

Delete your Threads account. You know what Meta as a company has done, you know the kind of person Mark Zuckerberg is. You've lived through Gamergate, the elections, covid, the fucking lot of it, and yet you're still willingly making an account on Threads. How can you possibly justify that?

Second ask: Scratch that, I hadn't read your most recent posts. Sorry for being so rude.

Third ask: "Still going to keep an eye on it" For what exactly? For it not to be as bad as it is? For it to get even worse before you decide it is wrong? You know who Mark Zuckerberg is. You know what Facebook is. Be up front: you don't actually care or stand for anything, you're only afraid of losing business. Have some dignity.

So you decided to be rude as fuck, "apologize," and then come back and be more rude?

I was incredibly clear in that post of why I am going to keep an eye on Threads, despite the concerns: Twitter was a valuable source of live news, especially during natural disasters, and Threads is the first potentially viable replacement for that. IDK if you actually follow me, but if you do you'll know I do a lot of work around natural disaster communication. Twitter was invaluable as a communication source during natural disasters. Full stop. It is not up for debate. But hey, if you want a source with more authority than a random tumblr blog, here, have a nice shiny research paper:

Mind you, that was written in 2010 and the importance of Twitter as a communications tool during natural disasters has only increased since then. There is no other tool out there, no other website--news or otherwise, that can provide such granular, specific updates when shit hits the fan as Twitter did. The only better, quicker source of information I have found during natural disasters is listening to actual radio chatter from the departments involved in whatever problem, and that can be very tricky to do if you don't know where to look or have the right equipment. There is no other site where I can go specifically follow so many of my local fire departments, my local emergency services, my local National Weather System stations, and get live pushed updates from them every single time they post.

When Twitter DDOSed itself last week and put a limit on the amount of tweets people could view and forced people to be logged in to view anything at all, the effect was immediate and BAD. People suddenly couldn't view things like missing person alerts, or weather alerts. I had people messaging me because they were trying to check the National Weather System autoalerts for their area on Twitter due to being caught in a sudden storm, but they couldn't get on to check.

Love it or hate it, Twitter had an immense amount of value and it got that value--at least in the case of natural disaster communication--because the stubborn ass government decided it was big enough to be trusted with official lines of information. Very, very few other social media sites have ever had that trust from the government. Look at how they banned TikTok on all government devices. But they DO trust Facebook, and Instagram, and Meta. Which means their chances of trusting Threads and migrating over there when Twitter finally takes its last breath are ASTRONOMICALLY higher than expecting them to go anywhere else.

We can debate the privacy and moral issues of the Metaverse and those involved until the cows come home, but it does not change the fact that if my mountain is on fire I'm gonna get information about where that fire is from wherever the fuck I can. I'm not going to wait around for it to maybe show up in a "live" updates news article from CNN from some reporter half a continent away in New York who doesn't know anything about where I live and gets the roads wrong because they just don't know. I'm going to go to the website full of my neighbors and local firefighters and see what's happening right that second.

Do we need to fix the privacy and moral issues? Yes. But we can't throw the baby out with the bathwater either. Not using Threads or any other Meta product isn't the answer here. Using them with extreme caution and only for very specific needs, for the time being, is. Long term, we need to be focusing on privacy based legislation that would finally put these companies in their place. But until then, again, I'm going to keep following my local fire departments wherever they go.

P.S.: If you're going to keep the shitty attitude, fuck right off and unfollow+block. You're not wanted here.

#Threads #I was honestly going to make this post anyway due to how some people are tagging the original post #So here #I could honestly debate this all day #lol #But I have shit to do today and right now that is breakfast #Natural Disaster Communication #Twitter #Death of Twitter

[tmntxthings]

∑一 Gasoline・゜・。

author’s note: so I started this months ago and came back today and somehow finished it? it’s now 4 am and idk what I’ve written but we posting it babyyyyyyy

song: reckless driving by lizzy mcalpine, ben kessler

warnings: cursing, narcissism, over-dramatics, cringe, sarcasm, flirting, confessions, unedited

—————————————————————————

Okay, I’ll admit. I’m not the best when it comes to..following the rules? Heeding caution? Listening to anyone??? Yeah not the greatest in that department.

But! I’m practically flying high in all others. Better brother, better turtle, cooler weapon, and not to mention handsome as fuuuck. So handsome in fact, I know I’ve snagged your attention. Heh. Call it what you will, intuition or gut-feeling, I know I’ve been occupying your mind.

But the thing is, you won’t admit it. No matter how much I prod, tease, or blatantly ask. It’s always “Leo, no.” “Leo, stop!” “Leo, shut up!!” And never “Yes, I think about you endlessly Leo, you’re right, and super handsome, be my one and only turtle”

…

Yeah…

It’s never ever that. And maybe that’s the reason why I can’t let this go. Because I know I’m right. If I wasn’t why would you keep coming around? Why would you spare glances my way? Why would you wear blue? It was all so infuriating to see these little details only to be denied again and again.

Raph says I’m getting a little obsessed. Donnie doesn’t give two fucks. And Mikey says something even worse, that I’m in love. Barf. Gross. Me? Love? Hell no. I collect admirers. I flirt with everyone. Unabashedly. Why would I fall in love with someone who is so clearly in denial that they are in love with me??? All I’m doing is getting them to admit the truth, and then they’ll be another tally mark. Another addition to the ever growing list of admirers I have.

It comes with the title of being the Face Man and all of that. Perks of being me I guess!

And so I was up to my usual antics.

“Keys Y/n, keys babe!” You scoffed pushing my hands away. “Keep your grabby mitts away, there’s no way in hell I’m letting you drive.”

“I curbed one time Y/n. Once! Give a turtle some slack here!!” I’m practically begging at this point. Because I have a plan. A genius plan to get you to finally admit the truth. It’s going to be epic.

“I think you’re also forgetting the three times you purposely ran into trash cans. You almost backed into another vehicle. And don’t get me started on how many times you accidentally forgot the keys in the car!”

…Okay so maybe there are a few more reasons as to why I shouldn’t be driving. But no matter! I’m a master manipulator. I can sway those around me like a pro. Plus since ya have feelings for me, I’m sure you actually really do just wanna hand over those keys. You’re just like playing a little hard to get is all.

“Whaaaa?? Are you sure that wasn’t Angelo? Pretty sure that was totally him and not me.” A big cheesy smile lights up my face trying to turn that frown of yours upside down. “Plus in any case I’ve got super rad portal powers to snab the forgotten keys!”

“Leo. No.”

And the actual begging and groaning and bemoaning ensues. I don’t throw temper tantrums that often. Only when necessary. After many ‘pleases’ and promises to drive extra careful. I finally get my long awaited—

“Leo, I said noooooooooo!”

A hard flick resonates against the space right above the middle of my eyes. Dramatically I flinch backwards crying out in faux pain. My hands going up, one covering the space that has just been so grievously wounded. “Oh c’mon that didn’t hurt…”

“Did it?”

Peeking through my three fingers I see the wisps of concern on your features and it’s at this moment where my all-of-the-sudden-plan enacts. As you draw closer out of worry it’s just too easy to create a small portal with my other hand that is behind my back. Don’t ask how the dagger got in my palm. Sometimes being a ninja just has its perks.

And just like that the keys to your car are securely in my hand and I bolt before you can realize you’ve been…hand-pocketed? Pick-pocketed? Whatever the case!

As I gloat from the driver’s side window, with the locks safely on so you couldn’t just rip open the door and strangle me like you were threatening to do right now. I make a show of raising the volume in your car and celebrating more with a little dance in the drivers seat. It’s not until you shake your head and the flames extinguish from your eyes do I dare to unlock the passenger door for you to get in.

You do slam the door close though. “Dramatic much?”

I can’t help but tease. I love winning. I love rubbing it in everyone’s face. And it makes my bones sing to see you get so riled up all over little ol’ me. You glower, somehow holding your tongue, perhaps giving me the silent treatment as you take over the music.

Driver gets veto power though. So I skip a bunch of songs you choose until I feel the flames start to rise again and I worry we (or rather I) may never even make it out of your driveway before I turn into roasted turtle. And that can’t be tasty.

So I let this particular song play. Humming along since I don’t know the words as I start to pull out and drive on the road. You stay silent for the most part and that just won’t do so I may or may not get a little too close to a curb for comfort on your side of the vehicle.

“God damnit Leo if you curb!!” You hiss as you clutch the handle on the car door. “Whoopsie!” I laugh getting back to the middle of the lane easily enough. “Where did you want to go so badly anyways?” You grump. But at least you’re talking now! “It’s a surprise!” I sing-song.

Now initially, my plan to force your admission of feelings was to continue to drive really recklessly and maybe almost die in a car crash or something like in the movies. And while you think I’m about to die you just have to tell me that you are helplessly in love and like magic. Confession secured.

But now thinking about it more seriously there are plenty of unknown factors like, what if I do actually kill myself in the process. Or ya know, you get hurt? Or I just wreck the car and we both are totally fine?! I don’t see myself surviving much longer after that if that ends up being the case. So I have nothing. Zilch. Nada. No back up plan was really made.

So I just drive.

And as previously mentioned, I’m not the best driver…

So you are on edge the entire time and constantly telling me to “Watch out!” “Don’t curb!” “Don’t hit that dude crossing the street!” “Red means stop!” “Yellow means slooow!”

Thankfully I know what green means. Aka turtle. Aka go ninja go ninja go. I’m proud of that one. Anywho, the drive winds up and down the backstreets of New York until even I don’t know where the fuck we are.

I pull over, parallel parking. Miraculously it’s one of the few tricks I can do with a car and you breath out a very unnecessary sigh of relief. “So this is the surprise?” You are looking around the low rise buildings with slight curiosity but more confusion than anything.

Nothing here is really special. No shops. No bright sparkly lights. It’s actually pretty grim because a few of the streetlights are out making the dark night even darker. It’s probably the least romantic place in the world. Definitely holds no sentimental value for an awe-inspiring confession.

My head hits the steering wheel as I close my eyes and say “Yup!” As bright and false as possible. I feel like a jerk and even worse than that a failure. I’m greeted with silence and I don’t open my eyes to check your face. I’m sure it’s turning into disappointment right now.

“Leo, everything okay?”

My head turns slightly, if only because your voice sounds a little different. I mean you usually are quite serious, but it’s also one filled with… care? “Just thinking.” And that is not a lie, just a very vague statement.

“Wanna talk about it?”

I mull it over. What am I even thinking? Driving around in the middle of the night. Being chaotic. Being a nuisance. Being with you. Dragging you along. Trying to get you to say something you’ll never say in a million years. And turtles sadly don’t live that long.

“Y/n, do you like me?”

I don’t dare take my eyes off of you now. Truthfully I feel like spewing out nonsense to cover up my mistake. I just had to open my big fat mouth. To actually say shit I actually mean. Or in this case something I really want to know. Your eyes widen ever so slightly, and you tilt your head as if you hadn’t even considered that a possibility. Liking me.

I’m instantly filling up the silence. “Like better than Mikey right? Pretty sure I don’t have to sweat over Donnie. And Raph may be second place but I’m definitely number one right?”

This way it’s easy. This way it’s safe. This way no one gets hurt. This way I don’t get hurt. This way I can play it off.

“I do like you.”

My thoughts empty and I straighten up. Swallowing back the spit that’s suddenly filling up my entire mouth. “Right duh, of course you do. Everyone does!” I laugh, smiling big as if nothing you just said affected me. Like I totally won’t be thinking about this even later tonight back at the lair. Overthinking it. Surely you meant it as a friend… but a turtle can hope?

“Even though you are so annoying.” You tack on, but your smile is too much. It’s genuine. It’s not plastered on like mine. It doesn’t hide anything.

Oh shit.

I just continue on, blabbering complete and utter nonsense at this point. Because part of me can’t believe it. That you really said it. That you do like me. That this surely isn’t possible, that you’re about to laugh and say that this was all some funny joke.

“Do you like me?”

And where there was nonstop chatter, it turns to silence. I avoid your stare now. In fact I turn my whole face away because I can feel my red marks heating up. Which is never a good sign. Blushing will only end in embarrassment. More than I can handle.

“Whaaaat? Me? Like you?”

I leave it open ended. To be inferred that I couldn’t possibly. But I think I just continue shooting or maybe slicing myself in the foot. Over and over and over again. Because in the window I can see you’re still looking my way. And your lips are pursed together in a small know-it-all smile. I whip my head back around, forgetting all about the embarrassing heat that covers my face.

“Y-yeah. I do.”

And then you lean forward.

Time slows.

And I feel your lips on mine.

And my eyes are so wide. I don’t know what to do but just stare. I don’t move. I don’t breath. Your eyes are closed and your lips are soft if only a little chapped. You pull away slightly, and I can feel your breath fan over my face.

“Good.” Is all you say. And I nod like a dumb pile of rocks is all I have for brains. “Now how about I drive?” Again I’m nodding.

The only thing that breaks the trance is the warning beep from your display signaling that I’ve just wasted all of the gas left in your tank.

…

Whoops!

—————————————————————————

#rise leonardo x you #tmnt fandom #tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles #leonardo #leonardo hamato #rottmnt x reader #leo x y/n #rise leonardo x reader #rise leo x you #rise leo #tmnt leonardo #rise leo x reader #rottmnt leo x reader #leonardo x reader #rottmnt leonardo x reader #leonardo x you #tmnt leonardo x reader #drabble #song inspired #lizzy mcalpine #rise tmnt oneshot

[jentasticart]

ok but I'm actually starting to get pissed off and annoyed with this weird family dynamic stuff they're doing in mk1 just to try to stop the gay ships that's been around for a while now.

like subscorp (Kuai x Hanzo), bitomas, subsmoke (Kuai x Tomas. I'm not too much of a fan of this ship but I'll mention it anyway) and shaoko, idk if there's anything else but lmk if I missed anything I guess.

but Imma mainly talk about my main ship here; bitomas.

I would like to add that I'm not a proshipper in any way cus fuck that shit. so don't frame me as one.

this is the only recent game where they're both in it together but they make them step bros yet I've seen people make mk1 subscorp and no one is really complaining about it and it gets a bunch of likes, which is WORSE than mk1 bitomas because it's ACTUAL incest. mk1 bitomas isn't incest, they're not related to each other in any way. they're not even the same race.

but yk what's not fucking fair? THAT THE SUBSMOKE SHIP IS MORE ACCEPTED THAN BITOMAS THAT THE ACTUAL VOICE ACTORS SHIP IT FFS

BI FUCKING DISMISSES IT, HE DOESN'T SEE HIM AS A DAMN BROTHER

BUT IN SUBSMOKE THEY ACTUALLY DO ADDRESS EACH OTHER AS BROTHERS, HOW CAN ONE BE ACCEPTED MORE THAN THE OTHER WHEN IT'S THE SAME DAMN THING

this is literally how I'm feeling rn about this

two people who ARE NOT related to each other in any damn way is NOT incest, doesn't matter if they grew up together or not.

so if two people were dating before and their parents got together and married, then those two people shouldn't be together anymore cus they would be step siblings? that's fucking stupid and you guys know it.

in a way they're doing the stupid thing like how some people think liulao is, yk the whole "they're cousins/brothers" but they're not, it was confirmed they're not but people don't wanna do their damn research.

all nrs cares about is the straight pairings and lesbian ones cus they don't get as much backlash as two men being together.

===.._ _..===.._ _..===

so I got a little hc/story for y'all:

sometime after the brothers' dad takes Tomas in, Tomas falls for Bi and his whole idolization for Bi is a coverup to try to hide his crush on him from Bi and Kuai. yes he gets close with Kuai as in best friends but he feels this is something he should keep to himself for now.

Bi wasn't actually always mean to Tomas, at some points he might have been cold to him sometimes but that's just Bi, just cus he was cold to him, doesn't mean he didn't care for him.

but then at some point Bi-Han fell for Tomas, probably starting in his teen years, but since he didn't know how to express it or deal with it, he acts how he acts towards him like how he does in mk1. it's because he never felt this way before towards anyone, let alone a guy. so he pretty much acts kinda like a tsundere in a way. keep in mind, even before this, Bi still didn't see Tomas as his brother and Tomas obviously didn't see him that way either cus of his crush on him.

all those years their feelings for each other got stronger and stronger, which made Bi more cold to Tomas, which was the time he told him that line in that one scene in mk1 about him not being brothers or Lin Kuei.

but after the betrayal of Bi-Han, while Kuai and Tomas were making the Shirai Ryu, Tomas snuck back to the Lin Kuei at night to see Bi-Han.

they fought because Bi started it, he did think Tomas was there to kill him or was there for some revenge but all Tomas wanted to do was talk. after the fight, Tomas managed to get Bi to stop.

they talked for awhile, Tomas asking the question as to why Bi-Han did all of this in the first place, why he was cold to him, why he got so much colder after all the years. Bi was hesitant to tell him, especially now since he thinks its too late to let him know the truth, he probably ruined all chances he had with him now.

but he did tell him anyway, he told him the truth, everything. from the very beginning to now. Tomas wasn't expecting this, he didn't think Bi felt the same way towards him but was he really telling the truth about the other stuff?

Bi-Han backed away after he told him, he understood that he might not believe his words anymore. Tomas stayed silent on Bi's bed, thinking, before he spoke and told him that he should tell Kuai this truth even if Kuai might not believe it.

he paused for a moment before he spoke, agreeing with Tomas. he then called him to Bi's bed, Bi was hesitant because he wasn't sure of it, he didn't know if he should.

after a few minutes, Bi joined him in bed and Tomas held him, confessing his love to him too, even after everything, he still has the same love for him like the first time he fell for him.

they wind up being together in secret for months as Tomas helped Kuai with the clan. during that time, Bi did told the truth to Kuai too and apologized for it. Kuai is a bit hesitant to forgive him right now but he will consider it. he will still work on his own clan as it still feels like the right thing to do.

===.._ _..===.._ _..===

so ye if you don't like it, plz just block me, cus Imma ship them since others are shipping mk1 subsmoke with little problems, I'm starting to not care at this point because of it but I will put tags you can block in those posts to not see it

#bitomas #bi han #tomas vrbada #sub zero #smoke mk #noobsmoke #subscorp #kuaizo #kuanzo #shaoko #general shao #reiko

[daegall]

Tell me everything.

↳ Best friends are supposed to tell each other everything, but Donghyuck isn't all that sure if he can tell you about his feelings. (He obviously also doesn't know that you have a big fat crush on him too)

pairing: best friend!hyuck x reader

genre: fluff, crack, slight angst, best friends to lovers!AU

warnings: um parties, mentions of alcohol, reader and hyuck are so fucking oblivious, bro idk i dont rmember writing this fic im so sorry

word count: 8.8k words

a/n: oh my fucking god the rollercoaster this fic has been to me. i swear to god i have never ever been so blocked EVER im sos ososososoooo sorry this is SO overdue man i feel so guilty and at the same time i feel so disappointed in this fic but its ok ^^ i'll just grow out of it in the future and look back and laugh (with tears &lt;/3)

anw BIG HUGE thank you to the godess of editing herself, @jenotapes ! thank you so so sooo much aisha for the beautiful header, i cannot express how much i love it and how thankful i am, it's so gorgeous it's liek theonly good thing about this whole thing HAHA

i. 

The first real friend you've ever had, you have to say, is your mother, but really that's another situation.

Other than her, you'd have to say it would be Hung Renjun, someone you've known since middle school. You were inseparable during middle school, and sure you had a few crushes on him, but it's a lot different now.

You grew apart, but it doesn't seem like any of you minded it that much. 

Your best friend after that, would be Lee Donghyuck. Someone you met through Renjun. 

It was during Renjun's cousin's wedding where you met him. (You were only invited because this certain cousin used to be like a sister to you when you were younger. You like to remember all the tea parties you had together.)

But man, would you like to thank, and scold, both Renjun and his cousin for inviting you. Because of them, you found Donghyuck.

It was quite a unique way to find your best friend.

"You've got some moves!" 

You turn around at the unexpected, and unfamiliar voice, alarmed at a (very cute) stranger with a light smile on his lips. Your lips go from a gape of surprise, to a bright smile that slips a laugh, "Thank you!"

"Do you have a phone number too?"

Yes, he had tried asking you out. Not only did you end up giving up your number, but you did go hang out a while after that. 

You most certainly did (and still do) have the biggest crush on him, finding him so very charming and cute and, well, your type.

But for some apparent reason, he never asked if you wanted to actually date. You're not sure if he forgot, or he thinks you weren't interested or something, but he just didn't. You suspect he didn't have any more interest anymore. Not that you minded, (now. You minded a lot back then.) but it's getting a lot harder to keep in with every day that you get closer to Donghyuck.

It's gotten to the point where you don't even want to think of him, fearing that it would show and your whole friendship would be ruined.

Instead, you bake, as you always did when you had something particular on your mind.

Chocolate chip cookies, you had decided about 20 minutes ago, the soft and chewy ones that Donghyuck like—

"Holy shit," you whisper to yourself, voice hushed with realization. "did I just make Lee Donghyuck's favorite fucking snack without realizing?!" 

Yeah, your crush on him has gotten a lot worse. You suspect this happened when he took you out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner when he noticed your dull state last week. He even paid for all the food! 

You decide to let all your thoughts go as you close the oven with your fist batch of cookies, the rustiness of the screws more than enough to distract you. Gosh, nobody in your dorm building takes care of the poor thing. You remember when Yoo Jimin and Kim Minjeong attempted to roast a whole turkey but it came out way undercooked because the oven broke down within 30 minutes.

Just as you thought your mind was Lee Donghyuck-free, the door to the kitchen opens, and in comes all your thoughts once again, as your best friend enters.

"Hey there," he greets.

"Hi,"

"What are you doing?"

You shrug, turning around as you continue mixing the cookie dough. "I don't know, what does it seem like I'm doing?"

A chuckle slips from Donghyuck's lips as he approaches you, choosing to take a seat on the counter, next to the cooling rack. "Cookies?"

You only him in approval, placing the bowl back down on the counter.

To Donghyuck, your baking is one of the best he knows. First, would be his mother, of course, but you’re close to beating her, especially with the cake you baked for Renjun’s birthday a few months ago. He particularly likes your baking when you two are awake at midnight, and instead of using the oven, you choose to use the microwave, to make simple 2 minute microwave cookies or brownies. They’re the best for midnight snacks to have while writing an essay, or having an existential crisis together.

A moment later, Donghyuck finds you rummaging through the many drawers to find something. Once you finally find it, you go straight back to the dough, before you stick the object in, and scoop it back out.

In front of Donghyuck, is a teaspoon, scooped with your cookie dough. He mumbles a few words of gratitude, before taking the spoon from you and shoving it in his mouth. 

While Jaemin and Jeno are your favorite taste testers, (due to their immaculate opinions of how much salt and/or sugar you put into your recipes) Donghyuck always somehow finds his way to become number one. Maybe it’s because you like to hear the compliments from him. (or your big fat crush on him. Both, most likely.)

"Oh, yum! This is really good," Donghyuck smacks his lips, savouring each second of the taste melting on his tongue, and gets a small sense of... nostalgia.

"Hey, did you put some—"

"—cinnamon? Yes I did, I remember you telling me how your mom would do it, so I decided to try it myself too. Good to know you like it,"

It was a simple mention during a debate of if cupcakes or cookies were better, but the very random fact stuck to the back of your mind whenever you thought of baking. You’ve been meaning to make some, but never had the time to until now. (Though, you do have a few assignments begging to be finished as you bake.)

While Donghyuck is so very thankful, and delighted, he's a tiny bit worried. He knows you only bake when you have a mind full of things you don't want it to be filled with. This happened when you flunked that one assignment and you baked a whole birthday cake to get your mind off it.

"Are you okay?"

You're surprised at Donghyuck's words, instantly halting your actions to turn to him with shock written in every part of your face. "Huh?"

"I mean," Donghyuck passes you the spoon back, wiping your hand when he sees its got some flour stuck to it, "you're baking. Cookies. A lot of them. You only bake when you're thinking a lot, what's up? I'm your best friend, tell me everything!"

And that is exactly what you've been thinking about. How attentive he is, how caring and kind he is. Gosh he almost makes you go crazy just by doing things like this to you, you might just tell him what's wrong to have him stop completely.

"Nothing," you breathe out, going back to check on the cookies in the oven, "just bored, I guess."

Donghyuck doesn't buy a single bit of it, and you know he doesn't. So instead, you decide to lie a little, hoping he wouldn't catch it.

"I was so busy yesterday, I guess I just wanted to relax. Decided to make some cookies for you."

At this, Donghyuck can't help but chuckle. Cookies? For him? "Just for me?" 

Oh shit, did you say that? Silently, you panic, unconsciously shifting away from Donghyuck to hide your growing nose scrunch of embarrassment. "Uhh, f-for us...?" You hope he lets it go, you hope with your entire soul that he lets it go and accepts your stupid and poorly made excused for once. 

Alas, he is Lee Donghyuck, your best friend who will never let you live down a single thing if you make a mistake. (You always question why you even like him.) There was a time you accidentally switched the names of two of your upperclassmen. The most embarrassing 2 weeks of your life when he would remind you every other day.

Donghyuck's head throws back with laughter, gripping the edge of the counter for balance. He's always looked so cute while laughing, and you don't miss the way your heart stutters. And neither does Donghyuck. His own heart feels like it's soaring, jumping all around his body, swirling and spinning all because of you. "Oh my god, you're so cute!"

Oh my god, he's driving you crazy.

To shut him up, you grab a cookie from the cooling rack, before shoving it in his mouth, flicking at his forehead. "Shut up or these cookies are going to Chenle." 

Donghyuck nods, though laughing and chewing, winking and blowing a kiss at you. Once again, he feels his heart somersault when you reach over to wipe the few crumbs at the corner of his lips.

ii. 

Lee Donghyuck never liked business management. Sure, it’s where he realized that the person he hit on at Renjun’s cousin’s party sat 2 rows in front of him, and yeah, Professor Lee is his favorite teacher, and sure, he sometimes likes the lessons–okay, maybe he just hates it today. 

Or maybe today is complete shit to him. Yes, he hates today. None of your nagging during breakfast, or even lunch, due to your sudden cold you got overnight. He’s had to go through classes without you, only get one cup of coffee, and he didn’t even get one text from you. What’s up with that?

He feels completely relieved to be going back to his beloved room, expecting to do nothing but sleep for the rest of the day, and maybe watch some of his favorite reality shows. He just… he really needs to rest. 

You know what he would kill for right now? Your cookies. The ones you made the other day for him, the ones you added cinnamon to and made him feel all warm inside. In his opinion, those are the best cookies he’s ever eaten. But he won’t tell his mom. 

Yeah, one of those would not be bad for this shitty, shitty day. Or maybe you yourself, there to accompany him and cheer him up, but you’ve got a sickness, and need to rest. Him feeling down in the dumps is a lot less important than your health. 

But apparently, that’s not exactly your own priorities. 

Donghyuck doesn’t expect to see you here, when he swings open his dorm door, but there you are, with a mask on and a duster in hand. You seem to be cleaning out the bookshelf by the window, the one Donghyuck installed with you just for the aesthetics. 

Why are you dusting it? Heck, why are you even here?!

“Y/n? What the fuck are you doing here? You need to rest right this second!”

You were just about to say something, to explain why you’re in his room in the first place, but your best friend beats you to it, rushing up to you, before he grabs gently at your arms. You drop the duster in your hand at this, gaping at the way Donghyuck tugs you to his bed.

It’s like every time you’re about to say something, anything, Donghyuck interrupts you with an action, pressing his hand to your forehead. “God, you’re still burning up. Have you taken your meds yet?”

FInally, you’re able to speak, as Donghyuck shuts up to hear you. Instead of words, a light laugh slips through your lips, as you shake your head in disbelief. “No, yeah, I took them right before coming here.” Donghyuck doesn’t say anything, but you can already practically feel the curiosity radiating off him, the frustration he’s about to spew out into words. 

“I came here to clean your room,” You say, brushing Donghyuck’s hands off your arms, only to take them in yours softly. Instantly, his thumbs run over your knuckles carefully. You can’t deny the way your heart swirls with love. “since my dusty ass room is what gave me my morning cold.” Suddenly, you grow a bit conscious of how ridiculous you might seem to him, getting up to clean up your best friend’s room. 

“Didn’t want you to get one, or something.” You can’t look Donghyuck in the eye, afraid that it would be the last thing to set you off into a hot, shy mess. 

But unbeknownst to you, Donghyuck looks at you so gently, so lovingly and softly. He’s so very thankful for you, in so many ways. Just being in your presence has him instantly calming down, and forgetting about every single bad thing he’s had come across him today. Just the thought of you caring so much for him has him forgiving every single thing that’s ever hurt him in his life. 

As if looking Donghyuck in the eye wasn’t enough to make you go crazy, Donghyuck’s hands suddenly slide up your arms, his fingertips brushing against your skin, before he wraps his arms around your shoulders, securing you tightly to him. 

You feel, and practically memorize every time Donghyuck’s skin comes in contact with yours, touching, brushing, leaving trails of goosebumps. The best kind. 

You feel so many things when Donghyuck hugs you. You feel shocked, and surprised, and at the same time so flustered. But those aren’t the strangers feelings in you. Others being worry, and dread. 

This hug isn’t the typical ones that Donghyuck usually gives you. It’s tighter, tenser, he’s not giggling, and neither are you. Another thing that makes you feel awfully concerned about this hug, is the fact that Donghyuck has stuffed his head in your neck, and is breathing awfully heavily. It takes you one moment, then two, before you feel the tears and hear the sobs. 

Instantly, your arms wrap around him instantly, tucking him closer to you, before you feel tears spring to your eyes as well. You don’t say anything, despite having so many questions, and Donghyuck is so very thankful for that. Sometimes asking for a reason and wanting to understand someone fully isn’t the best, in his opinion, but you don’t even have to ask to understand him. You’ve never had to. Just with an expression on his face, you can tell instantly what he’s feeling. 

“One day without me and you’re already struggling, what would you do without me?”

Oh, how Donghyuck feels so safe around you. He pulls away from your shoulder, slightly grimacing at the sight of a damp spt, before a laugh chokes through his sniffling. “Nothing, so you better stick to me for the rest of our lives, alright?”

You do nothing but nod, and chuckle, before you start to wipe away Donghyuck’s tears with the sleeves of your sweater. Not the best choice for wiping someone’s eyes, but that doesn’t really matter right now. Donghyuck needs you, and you’ll be there for him.

“You wanna talk about it?” You mumble softly, brushing his hair from his face. Your best friend finds his heart swelling and thumping erratically with so much love at the look on your face. He’s always liked it when you take care of him. You don’t judge him, not at all. His needs are what you focus on, and it feels good to finally be loved for once. 

“Can I?” He whispers in reply, falling into the warmth of your hands. His own grip at your wrists, holding them up to his face.

You smile, and it tells him everything. You’re not going anywhere until he feels better, no matter how long, or how hard the task will be. “Tell me everything.”

And that’s exactly what Donghyuck does. He tells you of how his morning was thoroughly mundane and how he seemed to have struggled to stay awake during class, and how Professor  Lee even told him off for dozing off. He tells you each detail, every word and action, and you practically feel like you’re in the scene with how he describes it. 

One thing he leaves out, however, is every feeling he’s felt. How could he? He’s sure to blurt out how incredibly safe he feels with you, how worried he was because of your cold, how all he could think about today was just you. Not to mention, how he really believes he cares for you, way more than a best friend should. 

Just your presence, the sight of you, it makes him feel somehow inside. Like having a warm picnic late in the afternoon, the warm rays of the sunshine feeling oh so relaxing. 

Like watching one of your favorite chick flicks or romantic movies with you after his breakdown, but not even paying attention to the movie because of the way you look so immersed and mesmerized with it has him himself in a daze. That one spark in your eye you always have when you’re so interested, the smile on your lips when you sigh with delight, the way your hands curl around Donghyuck’s wrist to bring you closer. 

Donghyuck loves these moments. Donghyuck loves you. 

iii.

Alright, Donghyuck does not love you. At least, he doesn’t think he does.

Not in these moments, when you bug him constantly when you very much know he needs to be focusing and finishing his essay. 

But hey, in your defence, he’s got 2 weeks to finish it, and it’s not like he doesn’t have everything planned out for it. He’s been ready, much to your surprise. And as much as you are proud of him, you’re not so proud when he’s chosen to use the time where you two usually go to the grocery store near campus to do some assignment. 

And it’s not like he doesn’t bug you every time you’re doing literally anything other than hanging out with him. There was a time you had to tutor Jung Sungchan (who will always remain your favorite student) but Donghyuck was around the corner, whispering (not so) quietly at you about how you should totally ditch math and accompany him wherever.

“Please, Y/n,” Donghyuck finally says after attempting to ignore you for 20 straight minutes. His hands are holding at yours, shaking them with the most desperate expression you’ve ever seen on Lee Donghyuck. “I’m begging you to just let me work. 30 minutes. Then we can go get frozen yoghurt from the dining hall, how’s that?”

You really can’t help but snort, and he can’t help but feel all his frustration flutter away just at the sight of your smile. Strange, he’s been feeling things. “What happened to the Donghyuck I knew last week? When I was sick? That made me swear not to leave each other because you couldn’t even last a day without me?”

“My god, Y/n!” Donghyuck exclaims, and at that moment, his fingers intertwine with yours. Great, let’s play a round of ‘how many times can your best friend make you feel things a best friend shouldn’t’ shall we?

“Yes, my love,” There goes one. God do you hate (read: love) when Donghyuck calls you that.

Donghyuck breathes out, trying to suppress a laugh. (it fails.) “I know I said that, and I still don’t take it back! I really mean it, I really do,” That’s two!

“But please, just let me finish this, and then we can go grab a snack, yeah?” Okay, that wasn’t that bad.

“My treat.” And that’s three.

This comment has you shutting up with a small smile, a swirling sensation of excitement stirring in you. This is the only indication your best friend needs to know you’ve agreed to his terms.

And finally, some peace and quiet. At least, that’s what Donghyuck thought.

“What’s your favorite color?” Donghyuck sighs when you start up after promising him you wouldn’t. He glances at you only momentarily, across from him with your arms tightly wrapped around the pillow Jeong Jaehyun left accidentally when he moved out. You have a small, almost mischievous smirk on your lips, as you lightly nudge at your best friend’s knee with your foot. 

“I dunno,” he mumbles out, going back to his work, “never thought of it.”

And then he’s back to typing and ignoring you. Oh, how boring this was. It’s not all that fair, in your opinion, how Donghyuck is ignoring you when every time you’ve wanted to work he’s coming over with Chenle’s dog and a bunch of your favorite movies. 

“Okay then, what’s your favorite thing to do?” 

“Right now?” Donghyuck murmurs, and can’t help the jumping of his heart or curl at his lips when you crawl closer to him to bump your head against his side. “It would be working on this essay.” 

“You’re so boring!” 

Donghyuck simply dismisses your words, though you can see the slight smirk at the corner of his lips. He’s amused, and though he claims he wants to finish his essay, you know he very much does not mind your presence with him. 

“Fine,” You huff out, “I guess I’ll just go and bother Jaemin or something.”

At this, Donghyuck perks up, eyes wide as he watches you roll off the couch next to him. His hand instinctively reaches out to grab at your wrist before you could leave, tugging you back to stumble back next to him on the couch. 

Just as you expected.

“Oh? What’s this? The person who has been completely ignoring me is suddenly giving me so much attention?”

“Uh–” Donghyuck stumbles over his words, racking his brain to find a witty enough response to keep you here with him. Alas, as much as he tries, as hard as he searches, his mind becomes completely blank. It’s been happening lately, actually. Whenever he stares into your eyes, he’s struggling to find all the stupid witty comments, his heart feels like it’s being tugged at, it’s so strange. 

“God, okay fine! Yeah, I want you here, but please, just don’t ask me stupid shit, okay?” Donghyuck proceeds to pat the space next to him, his gaze turning shy as he looks away bashfully. “Just–just accompany me, please.”

And surprisingly, you comply, for here you are, next to him, staring at his screen. Your head rests on his shoulder, hands playing with the pillows in your arms. You’re bored, but you can suck it up, just for Donghyuck, you suppose.

A sudden thought pops up in your mind, amd before you can stop yourself, you’re blurting it out.

“What do you want for your birthday?”

You notice how Donghyuck’s fingers completely stop typing, his work put on hold. “What?”

“I mean,” You start, your voice growing quieter, “your birthday’s coming up soon, right?”

All the other years you’ve celebrated it, it was always you throwing a big surprise party for him. It was always your gift for him. But since this year Jeno and Jaemin promised they would do it for him this year, it would mean you’re gonna have to get him a present too. 

Donghyuck’s never heard this question, and strangely, he doesn’t really like it coming from you. He doesn’t want to demand things like he does with his other friends (read: Rich kid Chenle). He knows that whatever it is, he’s gonna love it. 

“Your love?” 

Your breath hitches in your throat at the response you receive, before you fly away from his shoulder to throw him a confused look. 

Donghyuck’s face is… incredibly cute. He has a teasing smile, cheeks pulled up with his eyes bright. His chuckles are soft, though they resonate repetitively in your ears, and you can’t help but start chuckling as well. 

“Oh really?” 

When Donghyuck shrugs with a nod, you can finally come up with an equally witty response. “You better not complain if my gift is a kiss.”

To be honest, Donghyuck doesn’t mind. In fact, he kind of–holy shit Lee Donghyuck wants to kiss you!

iv. 

Hyuck 🐻: Hey [22:10] Hey [22:10] Hey [22:11]

You: What [22:11]

Hyuck 🐻: Can we call [22:12]

You: Why [22:12]

Hyuck 🐻:  Need help with an assignment [22:12]

You: Okay fine yeah sure [22:13]

Only you did anything but an assignment Donghyuck was struggling on. You went on a video call, he showed you a bit of the equations, and then you don't remember anything about any assignment after that.

The only thing you can recall talking about is literally anything other than it. Like Donghyuck's story of how his pinkie apparently stopped growing. (He's told you about 6 times already, but it's got to be your favorite story to hear.) 

Nonetheless, you can't say you mind it. Donghyuck has been a bit distant lately, you're not sure why, but it's great to hear from him again.

Unbeknownst to you, Donghyuck is avoiding you just a little bit. Ever since the time on the couch where he quite wanted you to kiss him, he's not sure where his heart lies. In your palms, probably.

And he definitely feels like it is, especially when you start laughing at one of his stupid jokes through the screen. It's a tiny bit lagged, with your smile coming only a few seconds after your laughs, but it still shakes Donghyuck's heart. He can't even remember the joke. 

He can't remember anything when he's with you, all he wants to remember is the curl of your lips, the sound of your laughter, the warmth you emit. Well, the warmth his laptop emits. 

"Hey," Donghyuck starts. He picks on the bracelet you gave him last year, after you got it from some kiosk you found when you went on vacation with your family. It was the first real gift from you, and he cherishes it with all his heart.

"Didn't get to ask how your week was, how was it?"

Right, because he's been quite clearly ignoring you all week.

You visibly shift in Donghyuck's screen, going unseen for a moment, before you adjust your laptop on your lap. "It's been okay, got extra free time since Sungchan couldn't come to this week's meeting. Been sleeping a lot more."

"That's good," Donghyuck replies to your summary. It really is, because God knows how little sleep you get. Sometimes it's because of studying, or watching some movie just because you felt like it, or someone (read: Donghyuck) is occupying your time. 

Your smile flashes on the screen, and it causes Donghyuck to smile himself, tugging his blankets closer to him.

"How about your week? What have you been doing to not call me every other hour?"

Let's see, thinking of you, staring at your contact photo for some reason, contemplating whether to call you or not, and, well, sleeping. And babbling about you to Lee Jeno. 

"Not much, really."

His answer is definitely not what you expected, nor was it really what you wanted. You expected a whole rant, story time until the most ungodly hour of the morning, heck, even a witty little comment like how he's been thinking of you would be okay. (He would totally, but just scared if he would sound too serious because it's literally what he's been doing.)

And this clearly shows through your facial expressions, as your nose scrunches in dissatisfaction. "Really? Why didn't you call me then?"

Your words set a zoo that even Donghyuck has no idea of running around his body, sensations of happiness and giddiness ripple through his whole soul, and he has to physically hold back a grin. 

"Why didn't you call me? Why does it always have to be me calling you?"

Donghyuck is lucky enough to come up with a natural and witty comment, a pout playing at his lips. They dangerously threaten to curl when you click your tongue, leaning in closer to your camera. "Fine," you mumble, "I'll call you next time."

Geez, and Donghyuck thought the zoo was enough for him. Now he has his heart shaking, bearing and clenching and buzzing with adoration for you. Holy shit... what was this feeling?

"Oh, by the way," these words once again capture all of your best friend's attention, it has him humming intently, unconsciously bringing his laptop closer to him. 

"had this conversation with Chenle the other day," you explain the context, though you clearly know this was a lie. There was no conversation with Zhong Chenle, it was just a scheme. 

"What's a random thing you have never had?" 

Yes, a scheme to find him a birthday present.

"For example, I never had a gemstone before. Pebbles, rocks, sure. But like rubies and all that jazz? Never."

At first, Donghyuck was a little bit suspicious of your actions and words, but the moment you mention the gemstone and have you've never had it, his mind drifts off from the suspiciousness, instead racking his brain to find a thing.

It takes him a solid minute, one minute of a cute little thoughtful pout, one moment of his low focused humming, one minute of staring at his cute habits. God, perhaps you have it bad for Lee Donghyuck. 

As you stare at him, you can't help but wonder what this certain object might be. Donghyuck's been gifted very random things by lots of people. There was a time he got a whole pack of chopsticks for Christmas. It was the craziest shit ever.

"Snowglobe."

You barely get to process his words, before you burst out laughing, very amused by his words. Though Donghyuck is confused, and shocked, he can't help but laugh along with you. He always found your laughter very contagious and enlightening. 

"What?" He asks softly between chuckles, eyes glued to the screen, where you attempt to stop your laughter, but fail miserably.

"N-nothing," you snort, "that was just the last thing I expected."

And honestly, Donghyuck gets it. He gets it completely. Snowglobe, of all things, but it’s the truth, it really is. 

Donghyuck leans in closer to his screen, if that is even possible, smiling fondly as you quiet down from your laughing fit. You have your face stuffed into a pillow, eyes shut as you try to regain and steady your breath. “It is pretty random, isn’t it?” 

Your best friend can’t help but think you look… so precious. How many people in the world get to make you smile this much, how many people can get you to laugh as hard? For some reason, he can’t help but feel almost so special to get to have you in his life. To have you listen to his god awful jokes and to have you accompany him in a call. God, how did he even manage to get you to bake his favorite cookies?

And suddenly, when he glances at you, closing the window to his (finished and submitted) essay, you look way too good for a best friend. Grinning down at your laptop as your favorite part of your comfort movie plays, when have you ever looked so good before?

Considering the fact that Donghyuck was okay with you kissing you just a few days ago, and how you seem absolutely ethereal to him, he’s pretty concerned. What is going on? Why is he feeling this way towards you, after months of being so close, why has he only noticed now?

When Donghyuck softly smiles at the sight of you already mouthing along to your favorite dialogue of the whole movie, he realized that not only is he okay with you kissing him, he wants you to kiss him.

v. 

It’s been weeks since you’ve actually hung out properly with Lee Donghyuck, and after all this time spent without him, you realize how painfully boring life could be without him and how incredibly boring Lee Jeno is. 

You spent a couple of days with him, and you agree with everyone when they say Na Jaemin truly might be his soulmate, because you don’t know how he can deal with such boringness. (Oh my god has Lee Donghyuck been influencing you too much?!)

Strangely, Jeno and Jaemin have been avoiding you too, but you know why. Even if they didn’t tell you, you know it’s because they would accidentally slip up and tell you their plans for Donghyuck’s birthday party and you would go scurrying off and telling him.

False, they are, because Donghyuck doesn’t…. want to talk to you. At least, that’s what you think, and that’s what you fear. What have you done wrong? What went wrong? The last time you spoke was… about 2 and a half weeks ago, when you had gone over to drop off one of his sweaters he left in your dorm.

He was quite awkward, to say the least. Fidgeting, nervous mumbling, he didn’t even hug you once, he was surely fishy. Ever since then, it’s only been texts, no meet ups or calls. Just texts. And you were initiating and continuing them all by yourself.

A pit of fear lies within you at the thought of you doing something to have Donghyuck stray away from you. Anxiety courses through your veins at the thought of him telling you that you should stop talking or something.

Nobody knows how you feel about him. Fear and love, or whatever you feel for him, nobody knows. 

Nobody but Mark Lee. That guy’s great at getting you to spill your beans. Just an ‘Are you sure?’ and you’re going on and on about how confused you feel, how scared and how much you adore Donghyuck. 

Thankfully, unlike Jisung or Chenle (or both together), he doesn’t have certain days where he’s making fun or not, he’s always 100% considerate. You’re surprised he doesn’t have a significant other yet, he really deserves one. 

And here you are, once again, in front of him, but instead of the library, or his dormitory lounge room, you find yourselves in front of a lake Mark had found recently. You might bring Donghyuck here someday.

“Damn, really? I thought this was gonna be our spot, but I guess you always have to show Donghyuck everything.”

“Well sorry, Mark,” You murmur, as you attempt to skip a rock. It bounces 4 times. “I’m sorry I have a big fat huge crush on my own best friend.”

Mark whistles at your 4 skips, nudging your arm with an impressed smirk. “You say he’s ignoring you?”

“Yeah.” You don’t want to be reminded of the fact. Mark can tell, but you do have to face it either way.

“I know these words might be said like, a thousand times to a thousand people, but it’s really what you should do. Give him some time, maybe he’s going through something–”

“–Mark if he’s going through something he would tell me, he always does! He calls me, usually right before he’s going to sleep, and when I hear his sigh I know. I would know instantly. And I’d be over at his in less than 6 minutes, and he would scold me for wasting my breath for him, and I would always counter how he would do the same thing, because he would!”

Mark isn’t exactly surprised to see you’ve finally cracked. Neither did he expect it, but he knew it would be possible. He lets you rant, he wants you to rant. Get all of it out, until it’s all gone.

“And the thing is, I don’t even fucking know if he would at this point.” You groan and grimace at the tears starting to bead at the corner of your eyes, throwing another rock at the lake. “Did I do something?”

“Y/n,” Mark calls out softly. You almost forget you have company, but with Mark’s hand on your shoulder, moving you in front of him, you know you can trust this company. “even if Hyuck did feel that way, he wouldn’t lead you on, you know he wouldn’t.”

He was right, Donghyuck always called out the bad people in his life and didn’t even hesitate to turn them away. It’s a trait you love about him, he warned you about one of your exes, and instead of scolding you, like he usually does, he went to have a full on conversation with him and full on punched him. 

“But if he was leading you on, you’d be okay. He might mean a lot to you now, and in the near future, but there will be people there for you.” Mark has now wrapped you in his arms, patting comfortingly. He mumbles softly, as if he knew the perfect tone to make someone calm down. He does have the perfect tone to calm someone down.

“That’s not gonna happen, though. He loves you way too much to do that.”

Mark Lee is crazy good at comforting, he should probably do it as a job, or something. 

“Yeah,” You laugh (with a quiet sniffle that follows), burying yourself in his embrace. You wipe at the small tears on your cheeks, laughing embarrassingly, but Mark assures there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. “God, you’re a really good listener,”

“I know.”

“And advice giver.”

“I know that too,”

You pick up one more rock, turn to the lake, before you toss it. “I think I’m gonna confess. I don’t want this to fester into something really bad.”

Mark nods, joining you in rock skipping. His rock bounces 5 times. “Alright, but if he says anything bad I’m beating the shit out of him.”

You laugh at his comment. Mark Lee is like the brother you always wanted. 

vi.

It’s June sixth, Donghyuck’s birthday. 

You had texted him a quick birthday text this morning, strike at midnight, like you promised. You haven’t texted him since then, only staring at the ‘thanks y/n <3’ he had sent you about 20 minutes after you sent the text. 

At first, you were pretty surprised to see that he was up that late, and then the worry came and started getting you just a little anxious, before you brushed it off, concluding that he was only just playing some more video games with Lee Jeno on his birthday. 

And then after that, nothing. No texts, no calls, no nothing. It makes you a little sad, but you’re way too scared to do anything about it. You plan to confess to Donghyuck. Today, at his birthday party Jaemin and Jeno are hosting.

It’s only about an hour and a half away, but you have no plans on getting ready for it. Not at all. For now, you have his wrapped gift in your hands as you stare at your ceiling and practice your confession in your head. 

You were always good at memorizing things, speeches, formulas, anything. It was a little thing you enjoyed. 

But now, trying to clear your head and recite the confession you plan to tell him, you can’t recall a single word. Just the thought of it going to your best friend, who has been ignoring you for god knows how long, it’s got your heart hammering in your chest and your hands shaking, your nervousness spiking. 

You check the clock. 40 minutes until the party.

You’ve got to get your shit together. 

Before you know it, you’ve found yourself at the party, Jeno and Jaemin both embracing you at the same time. 

“A little late, but nothing too bad! Good to see you again, Y/n!” Jaemin mumbles, before planting a playful kiss on your cheek. You fake a grimace, wiping it off your skin. Jeno only giggles at the situation, before ruffling your hair and nudging his head inside. “You’ll be able to find Hyuck somewhere in there. Can’t be that hard, he’s the birthday boy!”

His words are meant to mean well, nothing with generous intent, but it makes you nervous. Just in a matter of time, you’re about to spill all the beans about all your feelings towards your best friend who probably doesn’t even want to be your best friend anymore. (He wants to be so much more, but you don’t know that.)

The party is busy, busier than you thought, with many people from your classes and some other people they brought, probably for free food and a chance of finding love. Or maybe Jaemin and Jeno are just immensely popular. 

All these people, and yet no sign of Donghyuck yet. 

His gift is tight in your grip, your fingers bouncing and tapping against it quickly. 

The first few people you bump into are your close friends, Huang Renjun and Mark Lee, and you don’t miss the hopeful glint in Mark’s eyes. You shake your head quickly with a slight frown, which tells him everything he needs to know. 

Next, are Chene and Jisung, who seem… strange. They’re giggling, which is normal, but they keep nudging at each other and they had started… poking and screeching at you when you asked where Donghyuck was. You had no choice but to check if they were tipsy, or something, only to find their drinks were just mixtures of a bunch of sodas. Gross.

About 25 minutes have passed, no sign of Donghyuck. How are you supposed to give him your gift? (read: how are you supposed to tell him you’re head over heels in love with him?) Is he seriously ignoring you in his own birthday party too?

You’re getting agitated, almost anxious as the time passes. 

You run up to Jeno, when you spot him near you. “Hey, have you seen Hyuck around?” You yell over the loud music. 

His face twists, and the smile on his face is wiped off and replaced with a slight frown. “You haven’t seen him at all tonight?”

You shake your head. 

“That’s weird, he would have been the most excited to see you,”

You excuse yourself, the moment you feel a stir in your stomach. You had a slice of cake, and some apple juice, and you don’t think your stomach is agreeing to the combination. Or the thought of Donghyuck completely ignoring you. 

It’s not too long of a walk to the bathroom, after all you could make your way through Donghyuck’s place with your eyes closed. Not a good idea right now, you could bump into that guy with 5 plates of birthday cake. 

You finally make your way into the bathroom, quickly shutting the door behind you. Instantly, the music is blurred out, and you close your eyes with a sigh when you feel your nerves calm down just a little bit.

Just a little bit. 

They double in amount, however, when you realize that none other than Donghyuck is in the bathroom himself, sitting at the corner by the corner.

You both stare at each other, wide eyes of surprise, clearly unsuspecting of finding one another in the bathroom. 

“Hyuck? What the fuck are you doing in the bathroom?” 

“Uhhh,” Donghyuck desperately racks his head back and forth for a reason, any kind of reason. “Taking a shit?”

No, he was not taking a shit. Obviously.

You feel a whole whirlwind of emotions hit you suddenly, it strikes at your chest, your heart, before it tingles and moves to your fingers, where you squeeze Donghyucl's birthday present, before it moves onto your feet, as you take one step. 

That's as far as it goes, however, and you stop very awkwardly in the middle of the bathroom. There's no point in stopping now, he's right here, you both have nowhere to go, and really it's now or never. 

You take another step, and another, and before you know it, you're kneeling and plopping down next to Donghyuck. 

It's awkward, at least you think it is. You don't dare look at your best friend, afraid that the moment you do, you'djust blurt out how much you love him. 

Donghyuck, however, feels nothing but longing towards you. He longs for you, after weeks of ignoring you. But he doesn't let himself, it's his fault, he should deal with the consequences himself. 

"Um—happy birthday!" You blurt out, and stick out your hand with the birthday present in it. It alarms Donghyuck, only for a moment, before he reaches out to it with a grin. You missed his smile. 

Instantly, Donghyuck has an urge to unwrap it, to see what it is and treasure it with his whole being, to thank you and hug you and finally just be normal with you once again. 

And so he rips open the wrapping paper, finding a snow globe sitting in his palm now. Donghyuck's heart follows each and every artificial snowflake floating about in the glass, swelling and swirling at the gift. 

You're nervous for Donghyuck's reaction, seeing him gape at the globe with such wide eyes. Did he not like it? Was it too much? Maybe he wanted to get a snow globe himself. 

But, it's nothing short of perfect to him. It's got a polar bear in it, with a santa hat and a christmas tree only half its size, there's nothing in it he could ever point out as a flaw. 

"Thank you," Donghyuck finallu breathes out, "fuck, this is perfect—thank you so much, Y/n, really." 

"I, uh, wanted to put a picture of us, but I didn't know how to do it so I bought a normal one instead" For the second time that night, Donghyuck's heart goes into a frenzy, just at the sight of your smile of pure happiness and eyes of relief. It pains him to think you could doubt yourself over something as silly as a present. You shouldn't ever worry about what you do to him, he's going to love you no matter what. 

The atmosphere lifts a little but after that, as you both shyly smile at the situation. 

However, it's not a clear sky just yet. There are grey clouds in the way, grey clouds you can't simply ignore. 

And at those clouds, you ought to curse at. You haven't brought an umbrella, or a raincoat, even if you knew it was gonna rain. Here you are, sitting in the shade, knowing that if you step out, it'll start pouring. 

But at that, you say fuck it! May it be a drizzle worth of rain, a hailstorm, heck a blizzard couldn't stop you. 

"Hey, Hyuck?" You take a step out of the shade. 

He simply hums back, gaze never leaving the snow globe. 

You take a deep breathe, feeling the first droplet of rain on your skin. "Did… did I do anything?"

And when Donghyuck whips around at you with a shocked expression, you feel the winds of confusion kicking in, growing stronger as he rapidly shakes his head and denies it quickly. "What? No, it's just a snow globe,"

"No, no," You can't help but chuckle at his panicked tone, leaning your hand on your palm. "Not that. Just in general, you know?"

In comes heavier rain, feeling so weighted against your skin. It's cold, harsh, and wet, but you know it's going to be worse. 

"If I'm doi g anything wrong, please don't keep it in, please tell me," Your words do more than just surprise Donghyuck, a stinging guilt pains him. Is this what you've been thinking about the whole time he's been gone? 

"If I'm making you uncomfortable in any way, tell me. If I did something, tell me my mistake." Your voice is laced with more than hurt, or guilt, it has fear, desperation, and Donghyuck wants to punch himself because of all this.

You can't bring yourself to look at Donghyuck, just merely talking to  him about the things you've been worried about is already a whole hurricane for you ti deal with, to fight. "If I'm lacking in any way, tell me what I'm lacking. Just please, tell me, Hyuck. You're one of the most important people in my life and I don't want to hurt you or make you feel bad in any way—" 

“—Shut up and look at me!"

You hadn't even noticed Donghyuck calling out to you, not until he's grasped your hands in his, inteetwinign your fingers together. 

"God, Y/n, I'm sorry. I made you think the exact opposite. I…" Donghyuck's sentence trails off, and before he knows it, he feels himself choking up once again. Just at the sight of you, so desperate, sorry for nothing, feeling bad, he can't get himself to say anything.

Despite that, he tries, shifting on the floor to face you, "Remember when we met? Two years ago, at Renjun's birthday party? Remember what I first said to you?"

It takes you a moment, but you do remember, how could you ever forget?

'You got some moves! Do you have a phone number too?'

Just by the look on your face, Donghyuck knows you remember. "I still stand by my words."

"...I got good dance moves?"

"Wha—No! After that,"

"...I have a phone number?"

"Oh my fucking god, no. I mean what I meant in general. Like—I was hitting on you," Realization rushed in you, and it hits you like a truck once the words roll off Donghyuck's tongue and register in your brain. Lee Donghyuck was hitting on you. 

Donghyuck's heartbeat beats in his ears, terrifyingly loud, and his insides twist in fear and anticipation as he mumbles, "I... I fucking love you, Y/n. I love you so much it hurts, and it terrifies me."

"At first, I just thought friends would be enough. But then we became best friends, which I thought would be better, but god was I wrong. Realizing your feelings for your best friend is crazy, because you're scared of every little thing they do! When you asked me what I wanted for my birthday, you... I just really wanted to kiss you right then and there. When you gave me a hug when I had a bad day, I was so afraid that I would accidentally blurt out the words 'I love you', and when you started looking at me differently, longingly, I realized that I had been ignoring you without realizing. And I feel like an absolute bitch about it. I'm so sorry, for everything. For making you feel terrible just because I was being a fool, for neglecting you, and being an asshole and... and for my feelings. I understand if you feel weirded out, or disgusted, or anything, really. I'm just sorry." 

The storm you once thought you'd try fighting away is now drying away, replaced by nothing but the sun after the storm, absolute gid and relief waving over you at his words. 

Donghyuck looks so fucking ethereal right now, blushing shyly as he stares at the snow globe you gifted him, and as much as he feels embarassed, there's nothing in him telling him to stop holding your hands. He's holding them so dearly, running the pads of his thumb over your skin, his touch warm and comforting. 

"Hyuck," You mumble softly. He doesn't look up. "I think I love you too, Hyuck." 

In an instant, Donghyuck's head whips up to stare at you, blinking repeatedly and mouth gaping continuously at you. 

"Wait—fuck, wait really?!"

You laugh at Donghyuck's shocked expression, leaning forward to bump your forehead against his shoulder. 

"Wait—no—Y/n don't play with me. You love me?!"

"Yes, Donghyuck!"

"Fuck, wait, you said you think you love me. Do you love me or not?"

"Oh my god, I love you! I love you, okay? I don't think your feelings are weird, I think it's dope,"

Donghyuck still continues to gape at you, with what seems like the whole galaxy in his eyes, staring at you as if you were his sun and moon and stars and every beautiful thing out there.  

Donghyuck gently shurgs you off his shoulder, before he automatically finds his hands on your skin, caressing your face ever so dearly. The look in his eyes do not change, nor do they falter, desperately staring into yours. 

"Are you sure you love me?" 

You lean forward to bump your forehead against his, "One hundred percent. You sure you love me?"

Donghyuck shifts to brush your noses together, and you can practically feel his grin against yours. "One hundred percent,"

With that, Donghyuck's lips lock with yours, so softly you feel almost lightheaded. His hands on your face still trace their ways through each inch to your jaw and neck, memorizing each part of you. Donghyuck's lips feel soft, taste of birthday cake you can only assume is from when he blew the candle earlier. 

Each peck, each push and pull of your lips feel almost like a dream, but the small smiles and occasional laughs bring you back to reality. 

When you pull away, Donghyuck instantly brings you into his arms, planting kisses on every free spot he can find on your cheeks 

"When did you realize you love me?"

You hum at the question, "Few months ago."

"All those weeks I've wasted… pining over something I already had?!"

"I quite like it, it adds to the yearning, don't you think?"

Donghyuck only huffs, bringing you closer to him. 

"Oh right, speaking of all those weeks we've wasted, care to fill me in on those weeks?"

"What should I tell you?" Donghyuck mumbles, pulling your fingers between his. He reaches down to press a kiss to each of your knuckles. 

"Tell me everything?"

#lee donghyuck #lee donghyuck imagines #nct imagines #nct dream imagines #neoturtles #knet bakery #kflixnet #ficscafe #k-radio! #neozonenet #nct-writers #lee donghyuck scenarios #lee donghyuck fluff #lee donghyuck angst #lee donghyuck x reader #lee donghyuck drabbles #lee donghyuck blurbs #haechan #haechan imagines #nct #nct scenarios #nct fluff #nct angst #nct x reader #nct drabbles #nct blurbs #nct dream #nct dream fluff #nct dream x reader #nct 127 imagines

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

Follow up to my silly little Vees in Heaven AU that I might as well keep developing because people seem to like it lmao. This is my basic idea of how each of them individually would react to ending up in Heaven :)

Vox: Would probably behave like a normal person the longest because A; being in Heaven for an extended period of time could offer some Business Opportunites and B; he cares about his image so fucking much, and given that he was probably pretty well known while he was alive I don't think he'd want the people of Heaven knowing about all the evil business man shit like, at all. Though the monotony of Heaven would ABSOLUTELY drive him up the fucking walls. Nothing ever happens there. He can barely even network because Heaven doesn't have anything even RESEMBLING the overlord system down in Hell, there's no rank mobility for mortal souls. And that's assuming Sera even lets him DO anything because sinners ascending at all is a pretty fuckin new concept and she would at the very LEAST want to keep the news from spreading until she figures out what the fuck is going on. Either way it's not like he can do much because oh god what would PURPOSEFULLY going back to Hell do to his reputation!?!? He's stuck between a rock and a hard place and hating every second of it, but hey at least he can try to. Get some Heaven shit for Voxtech. And his head probably(?) isn't a TV anymore-

Velvette: Lasts for a couple months(or however long it takes her to get whatever information/materials she deems useful) before she starts causing problems on purpose. Think Respectless x100. It's even worse cause Sera has absolutely no experience dealing with this kinda shit. It's also terrible for Vel because nothing she's doing is getting her sent back down! As much as Sera wants to, she has to keep the "sinners ascending" thing contained until she figures out wtf is going on, which means no going back to Hell until Sera can discuss things with HER higher ups, which based off of how little Sera seems to know abt how Heaven works just. In general. Is probably nigh impossible. So Velvette's just stuck in Heaven, constantly attempting whatever she could possibly do to go back to Hell. Probably starts off small like just pissing Sera off on purpose every way she can, insulting people, etc because she also doesn't wanna do anything bad enough to get herself like. Executed or some shit. But as time presses on and shit just keeps Not Working she keeps upping the anti until she's wracked up several counts of arson and is being held in the closest thing Heaven has to a prison. Which she'll probably find ways to cause problems from there too Idk.

Valentino: He's in Heaven for like 5 seconds and then immediately just

Its like having Adam back only he's Worse and Does Not Want To Be Here.

Now I would like to note, all of this is very dependant on whatever plot points might be happening around them? Cause like I said in the original post there's def a lot of Heaven/Hell drama going on in the background that would definitely effect the plot of the AU, but I don't really know. What that is yet. Because it means doing more world building hcs then I am mentally equipped to make rn. So for now these are just what I think their ✨general reactions✨ would be + a stupid doodle of Val I did last night.

Also I need a name for this AU. My only real idea is Heavenly Vees? But that feels kinda basic idk. Maybe HeavenVee? Idk-

#may make a post abt how the remaining two would deal w/ the loss later idk #also maybe Ill write this fic someday. if I can decide who I want to kill and send to Heaven. #hazbin hotel #the vees #hazbin vox #hazbin velvette #hazbin valentino #poly vees #velvoxval #staticmoth #voxvel #staticdoll #velval #dollmoth #hazbin hotel au #heavenly vees #heavenvees au #Im gonna make a poll for this later...

[fangirltothefullest]

re: the voting stuff

you are so right. i see so many younger ppl talking abt how we shouldnt vote for biden but they never seem to actually know any of the stuff hes gotten done, only the stuff he hasnt done. but they also dont seem to know that for some of those things he tried and was prevented or theyre still a work in progress. its like they think he can just magically do things overnight? idk it really just seems like they get their info from a few slides on an instagram post or from a random tiktok and never bother to actually do any research of their own yk?

and like i told someone i plan to vote for Biden bc im worried about what a republican president would turn america into and they got mad at me saying that i care more about myself than Palestine and other countries. but like a) how tf would a republican president be better about whats happening? and b) im allowed to care about my own life? and if our country is in hell how are we supposed to help anyone else? its like on airplanes, you have to put your mask on before helping others because otherwise you wont be able to help anyone

its just making me feel crazy

Honestly it's so annoying when people use the Palestine issue because yes he's not making responsible decisions about it, and yes we should call bim out for it and yes we should keep pressuring him but had a republican been in office the response would be worse and more violent OR absolutely ignore it completely in favour of human trafficking Mexican people in our own country which is what Trump wants.

So like do we pick the kill your grandma, kill anyone not white and rich and a man, and allow child labor party or the get a lot of good done and fuck up a few things party?

There is no "Oh don't vote" there is only "you vote because not voting allows trump to win"