#its exhausting

[fairycosmos]

god why does every mistake feel like the end of the world

#its exhausting

[spectrumgarden]

I keep thinking about how no one seems to think about nuance when it comes to like, the concept of "autistic traits / symptoms" and discussing them, and how that is intertwined with the push to not consider it a disability. And its complex to discuss, but here's my convoluted thoughts. I know it's long but I hope people will take the time to read it.

There are in fact people who do fit some commonly associated with autism traits that are not impaired by them. Let's make up a guy, for a second:

They like routine and repetition a lot but easily handle change in them. For example they wear the same set of clothes for years with no desire to ever branch out, but if you made them wear something else they wouldnt really be bothered by it as long as they dont think it's super ugly, etc. They like to watch the same movies over and over but happily agree to watch other things with their friends when spending time together, and are engaged and interested in those movies. Etc. They speak very formally or choose "complicated" words for things that could be expressed easier. They however do not face problems with communication beyond annoyance of others because they're able to rephrase things easily to be understood, and they also have a normal back and forth in conversations and initiate conversations normally. They sometimes engage in subtle self stimulating behaviors and recognize the desire to do so during boring or stress inducing times (which pretty much everyone does, btw). They dislike loud environments but do not respond with melt- or shutdowns or any other "severe" reactions, and while for example preferring to go to a museum over a club, they easily go through their daily life in busy areas like city centers, shops or cultural events like parades without issues beyond like, mild annoyance and no desire to stay for longer than necessary. They have strong interests in seemingly random topics and spend quite some time researching or engaging with those, but they do not view the world through the lense of said interest, they do not neglect caring for themselves or fulfilling academic or professional responsibilities because they are so engrossed in their interests, they are easily able to hold conversations about other topics. I could go on.

This person would not be diagnosed with autism by any doctor who pays attention to the impairment clause of the diagnosis. They would probably be told "you're subclinical / you do not meet enough criteria / ..." While his person would probably relate quite a bit to (parts of) descriptions of (level 1 and / or low support needs and / or high masking) autism. And this is an imaginary person I made up, but these people obviously exist (and as a side note, are probably what people refer to when they talk about "everyone being a little autistic" etc)

And this person being told they're not autistic might be upset. Because clearly, they have so many autistic traits. They relate to so many videos! But the thing is! There is no impairment! The one thing that connects all of the symptoms related to autism to the actual diagnosis. This does not mean they do not in fact relate to the autistic experience. This does not mean these parts of their life or personality are fake / non existent / not important to who they are and how they experience things. But it is important to differentiate. If they consider themselves autistic, if the world considers them autistic, it waters down the definition to a point of being categorically useless from a medical standpoint, from a standpoint of figuring out who needs support and in what ways. Who needs (early) intervention, who needs extra support in school or at work or at home or in public.

And like. Humanity at large will probably always want to shove themselves into random categories. "Which character are you like?" "What is your personality style?" "What is your star sign?" or "which sports team do you support", and countless more come to mind. I dont think this imaginary person is wrong or silly for wanting to find a category of people they are like, or recognizing this similarity with some autistic people. I wouldnt even mind if they made up a non-clinical category / group of people who relate to autistic experiences without the impairment. It would get the point across that it is a group of people with shared experiences, but it is not the same as autism.

However autism is increasingly treated like something thats just a personality type without impairment, by people online and offline. And when they go "this is an autism symptom" without nuance, without looking at the need for impairment, or even differential diagnosis, it spreads that attitude. "Liking to eat the same foods is an autistic trait"... or is it normal to have food preferences to a degree if it does not cause you stress to eat new foods, if you are capable of eating other food if hungry and presented with them and not the food you prefer? Or is this person anorexic and their mind has created categories of "allowed to eat" and "not allowed to eat" based on arbitrary categories relating to their fear of weight gain? "Only eating with small spoons at home is a common autistic trait"... or is it a harmless preference as long as you are still able to eat food outside a strict routine set up with zero possible deviations? Or is it a person with OCD and eating with small spoons is a compulsive behavior for some sort of intrusive thoughts?

I could go on forever. But in the end, these short sentences are all the same. They are, at the same time: autistic experiences and allistic experiences, because they are so non specific. They are watered down and any additional information is removed.

autism is about a specific combination of experiences that impair you. That's literally all it is. It does not automatically turn us into a category of "other" that is fully not possible to relate to, because we are human too. And some of it will be relatable to people that are not autistic!

And there is value in discussions of experiences of autistic people that go beyond the impairment, as long as we do not forget about it, or treat it as secondary instead of the defining factor. I dont mind if autistic people bond over something they're not impaired by, that they see as a common experience, for example not easily going along with authority. Being creative. Preferring the small spoon (without being impaired by it while having other impairments), whatever, and call those common autistic experiences. But those are not the pillars of what make up autism and solely relating to them should not be your reason for calling yourself autistic. Neither should relating to commonly impairing symptoms without being impaired by your version of them. The impairments resulting from abnormal development are what makes someone autistic.

There needs to be more nuance, detail, when discussing autism symptoms. And the push to, at the very least, expand autism into an area of experiences that do not cause impairment of any kind, or worse claim it never caused impairment, need to stop. It does not help anyone.

I genuinely think part of the whole "everyone is autistic these days" crowd who likes to go after people and invalidate them has picked up on some of this, but they lack the skills to criticize it for what it actually is and / or they want there to be a simple solution, which is that everyone who calls themselves autistic online who does not fit their very stereotypical view is faking. They are wrong of course. But I dont think this comes out of nowhere. There is something to criticize about how autism is treated in many circles, especially among younger people.

I'm really not sure how to end this post because I like to come to some conclusions on my long posts but just. Uhm. The way some people treat "autistic traits" as completely unrelated to the impairment they cause while staying exclusively autistic traits is wrong. The way people try to redefine autism is harmful and in the end not needed because they could simply invent other words for that experience.

#actually autistic #autistic adult #autistic community #actually disabled #i feel like im poking a sleeping bear with this one. poking a hornets nest. whatever #but yeah it needs to be said i think. and i have the privilege of my “smart sounding” speech being more likely to be listened 2 so. *shrugs #long post #(very long... oops. i think this is the longest thing i ever wrote on here) #also this took me. i believe over 2 hours to write! im not good at this actually! i moved 80% of these paragraphs around multiple times - #- deleted entire paragraphs. merged them. rephrased things again and again and again #its exhausting #because when i think about this i can think through this entire concept in a couple minutes but trying to get it across takes hours ://

[imdoinggreatthanks]

I feel like we don't talk enough about how hard it is to be a batfam fan and NOT a batcest shipper

#im so sick of having to filter out all those tags #like i go to ao3 and i have to filter out like 10 different relationships #its exhausting #batfam #batfamily #batman #ew batcest #anti batcest #dc #dc comics #i hate it here

[the-yearning-astronaut]

Do people know there's a difference between:

an aro spec character being "cured" of their aromanticism by their "one true love" by the end of the narrative

And:

An aro spec character who finds one of the few people they happen to click with in an amorous (but not necessarily romantic) way by the end of the narrative

Does anyone understand that aromanticism is a SPECTRUM and that someone writing an aro character finding someone they want to be in a relationship with might be doing so for reasons other than 'curing' them?

And the same thing for ace spec characters! And, you know, actual people.

#aromantic #aromanticism #arospec #aromantic spectrum #demi romantic #grey romantic #asexual #asexuality #acespec #demi ace #grey ace #i'm so tired #of binary thinking #im SO TIRED of living with multiple identities that aren't clearly defined one way or another #because everyone on both sides thinks refuses to acknowledge the stupid grey areas #im so tired of not being allo enough to be allo but not aspec enough to 'truely' be aro or ace #even tho the word SPECTRUM is RIGHT THERE #Im tired of trying to write fic that matches my own experiences and explores my own identities #only for people to say im doing it wrong or that im harming the community or character or whatever the fuck #its exhausting #its exhausting to be invalidated and wary of the very people who claim to have your best interests at heart #fox thoughts #☉

[here-there-everyfuckenwhere]

I really believe that part of the reason why Dracula Daily took off so quickly is because people are so sick of this whole “consume media all in one day” thing 

Pretty much whenever there’s a new piece of media going around, there’s so much pressure to binge and watch everything asap to avoid spoilers or join the conversation, so much to the point where people who aren’t into Dracula Daily say things like “why don’t you just read the book? That way you wouldn’t have to wait for updates” and like... idk... I feel like waiting for updates just makes the whole experience just so much more enjoyable?

#ray rants and junk #personal #idk just my opinion #this is mainly because im mad that someone on here spoilt umbrella academy season 3 the DAY that it came out so i rushed watching it... #dracula daily #its exhausting #it is an exhausting way to consume media #and i really hope that streaming platforms ect. stop releasing things this way

[queermoths]

on "leftist" activists and their blatant ableism and sanism

cw: frank discussion of the blatant, excessive, and harmful ableism within so-called "leftist" circles

im so done and tired of political commentators/ "activists" who claim to be "leftist" while throwing out "psychotic", "delusional," "schizophrenic", etc. as insults against conservatives. im so tired of my mental illness being the first thing i hear as an insult against these horrible people. i hate that self-proclaimed "leftist" political commentators are so incapable of understanding that ableism and sanism are things they should fight against, alongside fighting against classism, racism, queerphobia, etc. and that ableism and sanism intersect with these. i hate how they so obviously have no care in the world for disabled people, especially those of us with "scary" or more stigmatised conditions or presentations.

newsflash: you are not spouting leftist thinking when you further marginalise psychotic people. you are not being "progressive" and "leftist" when you cast us to the side in your so-called "activism."

(disclaimer: i am a leftist. this is not in favour of conservatives. i am merely calling out the hipocrysy and disingenuity i see in leftist circles where they say they want to fight discrimination, then further marginalize and other psychotic individuals, such as myself.)

#i was watching one earlier #and he insulted conservatives by calling them “schizophrenic” and “crazy” and “psychotic” like eight times in two minutes #its exhausting #and infuriating #actually psychotic #im not sure how to tag this #sanism #ableism #politics #ask to tag #if you know of better/different/more tags to use pls lmk

[kilisworld]

I'd like to take this second to remind everyone who cares that Asexuality ≠ Celibacy. Thank you and have a nice day. This has been a message from your neighborhood asexual.

#kili talks #one is just how you are #while the other is a choice #and frankly i'm tired of seeing people lump them together all the time #its exhausting #asexual

[love4hobi]

ive been so stressed lately i think i might actually die

#like i feel paralyzed by it #i have to just take each moment individually #its exhausting

[a-1010-is-speaking]

I'd really appreciate if senators would stop trying to get themsevles killed

#its exhausting #but im back now from the most recent attempt #jango's boyz

[mistressemmedi]

Tumblr should have a "suggested mutuals in law" feature, so I would know who to follow

#stalking someone's blog to sus out whether or not they're psychopaths #or worse #RBR fans #its exhausting #lmao

[cistematicchaos]

i've been doing ehhhh lately so I've been watching comedy sets. i think it's very interesting the amount of men, specifically cis men, who loveeee to harp on about how idiotic men are and thus can't be depended on, how women are just set up to be disappointed because men can't do better, they're dumb! they cannot see the sexism in these jokes, in going on about how girls grow up faster but also how they (men) put so little effort into most parts of their relationships with women...it's a joke but it's also painfully true isn't it? we're supposed to laugh, right? men are dumb, right? they can't do better, right?

like, they think they're so much better than the guys who get on stage just to shit on their wives and mothers and sisters but its so condescending and sexist i hate it. like i don't care if you're dumb, you better get off that stage joking abt that shit and DO. BETTER.

#chaos is speaking #misogyny #feminism #its so annoying like #ffs shut UPPPP #the dumbest thing abt you sir is you trying to palm off this as a joke #this is one of the reasons i hateee cis comedy #the transphobia? #rampant #transmisogyny WILD #the misogyny? rampant #its exhausting

[consulting-supernatural]

You know, Ed was the most happy in season 1, when he was both Blackbeard and Ed in the same time. When he and Stede hang out all the time, went to different adventures together. He can retire if he wants in the end, but he needs to find this balance between his two sides in order to be happy. He needs to accept that he's both too.

He wasn't the bad person back then.

#right now he's pretending to be someone he isn't #its exhausting #our flag means death #ed teach #edward teach #blackbonnet #gentlebeard #stede bonnet #ofmd #ofmd spoilers #ofmd s2 #ofmd season 2 #ofmd 2

[thegizardofmars]

It's honestly sad to see the phrase "Delulu is the solulu" being thrown around as a cute little quirky phrase, when in reality delusions are life ruining and destroy your mental health.

Three things I've done/are doing because of my delusions:

1. I rarely if ever eat at a restaurant or other peoples cooking because I'm afraid of being poisoned. I literally have a cabinet of canned food I keep just to keep the paranoia away.

2. I've destroyed two phones and a TV (all of them my own property) in the past because I thought people were watching me through them.

3. I don't trust any mirrors in bathrooms (unless it's in my own house) because I believe there are people watching me from behind them.

#its exhausting #personal #mental health #tw delusion #schizoaffective #schizophrenia #paranoia #tw paranoia #tw food #tw fear

[aesopsbaby]

Are you okay? You've been gone for almost 2 weeks now.. I hope you're doing fine. I'm open to talk always ♥️

I'm so sorry, I'm going through something right now and it's just incredibly draining to even wake up everyday at this point.

I don't really want to vent here and fill up people's front page with my sob story- So I'm alright!! I think I just need a bit more time to find myself right now.

Thank you for reaching out to me :) I'll try my best to be fine again ♡ and I'm glad to know I can speak to you anytime <,3

#Slight rant #Life hit me like a truck #idk why everything bad is happening right now #Its exhausting #BUT PLEASE DONT BE WORRIED!! #I swear I'll be fine #Just need awhile #Sorry for going AWOL

[unforth]

People who don't have children shut the fuck up about how to parent challenge.

#unforth rambles #that poll about millenials and children says like 7 percent of us on here parents #i promise if you are not aparent and or have not raised a child #you have no idea how unfathomable hard this is #im begging you to stop thinking you have the least idea what youre talking about #talk to me when youve tried raising a child #until then please just shut up #im so tired of seeing clueless parenting posts with tens of thousands of notes #where any parent who tries to go well actually #gets screamed at and told they're a horrible person #its exhausting #do you even realize how condescending and rude you sound #would you lecture anyone else about their own experience you dont share #you are literally mansplaining parenthood and then getting angry at anyone who tries to say youre wrong #the fucking entitlement i swear to god

[redrocketpanda]

Astarion discourse is literally one of the most off-putting and eye rolling things I've ever come across. And thats coming from someone who has been marginally exposed to Bakugou fandom discourse

Like can people just... stop?

Why is it so hard for some of you to let other people have their own opinions, interpretations and relationships with things??

And please gtfo of here with all the puritanical shit and screaming into people's faces about fictional fucking characters bc you disagree with them on some kind of "moral" level

To quote one of my favourite things I've ever seen on the internet: "girl, he's lines"

#its exhausting #im so exhausted with this fandom #its just making me not want to engage with bg3 or talk about bg3 #but also thats exactly what people want so #>=[ #bg3 #astarion