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lightwise · 22 days

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TBB S3 E10 Reaction

Life has been a bit busier the last few weeks so I am finally catching up on my episode reactions (I’m determined to do all of them this season!) And I apologize y’all, this episode made me very snarky apparently.

I’ll be honest. When this episode first came out I was nowhere near as surprised by it or horrified by it as reviewers seemed to be. Nothing about Palpatine hunting down force sensitive children as experiments and using Cad Bane to do it is a surprise, and the Vault feels so much like Andor. But even on a rewatch this episode holds up so well and honestly just starts to give a cold chill under the skin as the quiet horror of it sinks in.

- Cute kid. And the Batch nowhere to be seen. This is going to be a different episode isn’t it

- Oh no. He’s force sensitive 😫😫😫 hmmm how could that possibly go wrong

- This is giving Andor vibes 👀

- It’s always interesting seeing “regular people” in Star Wars and little markets and how they’re just trying to go about their daily lives.

- Don’t go around snitching people! Nothing good ever comes of it!!!

- Yeah this guy is worse than Timm from Andor. Wtf dude. You’re turning in a baby!!

- Also is it just me or typical Star Wars “houses” end up being pretty dark and depressing?

- Wait okay okay. So this is the CX chamber. Why can’t we see any of them yet 😩😩 what is this red fog? What are these weird conditioning pods? What kind of armor is on this datapad?? *trying to crawl inside my screen* I NEED ANSWERS JENNIFER!!

- “Do you trust me?” Ooooh why do I think that’s going to come back around

- But also, babygirl, I don’t think you actually know what you’re signing up for

- “I could be more useful” “you wish to be the new chief scientist Dr. Karr?” “I believe I’ve earned it.” Alright. This. This is interesting. This fully encapsulates the dynamic that these two have shared. Emerie knows that Hemlock only values things that are useful, and probably only sees her own value in the light of what she can contribute, due to how she was raised and the circumstances she has been trapped in. Hemlock’s tone of voice implies that he has never considered her as being the new chief scientist, and yet he acquiesces quite quickly, almost as though he’s just too busy to think about it and if it means things are brought back up to production standard then he’s fine with it. His utter disregard for Emerie as an actual human and someone with merit is disgusting though.

- But I get it, the man’s busy, he’s got a lot of evil shit he’s trying to do all at the same time 🙄

- So we have “the assets”, which is the area that Hemlock took Palpatine in the first episodes, where the orange containment pods are and the zillo beast is being kept. We still don’t know what those assets are. The Vault is something different.

- Well. Shit. It’s Andor and Narkina 5 for kids. Lovely 😳💀

- “There are few adults left with such characteristics” I WONDER IN THE NAME OF ONE EMPEROR PALPATINE WHY

- Okay so this entire exchange is awful. The kids are so cute! Hemlock is so cold. “Specimens. Assets” ughhh Emerie what are you getting yourself into!!

- Is this the first time we’ve heard the word glasses in Star Wars?

- Oh no. So THIS is why Cad Bane was brought back 🥺🥺

- The score in this episode is perfectly eerie

- Lol Todo is not good with kids huh 🤣

- That poor mama when she wakes up and finds her baby is gone

- I hope that dude has his entire life flash before his eyes as he’s trying to pick all of those credits up

- “My name’s Eva” 🥹🥹🥹 Emerie has no idea how to handle this 😂

- I still wanna know what’s happened with these commandos. No way a clone of Jango Fett is able to look a child in the eyes, call them a “specimen” and not have even an ounce of remorse as they stun them point blank.

- “Jax?” And Eva just points. The power in knowing someone’s name vs a dehumanizing number

- It’s also interesting that these kids are species that are red, blue, and green, and when they get Bayrn in, he’s white. RGB colors make up white light when put together.

- The little peeks of Emerie’s backstory we keep getting are so interesting. She was abandoned by Nala Se. She knows that these children don’t belong here, the same way that Omega told both her and Crosshair that they didn’t belong here either. Nala Se says that the Empire will hold these kids to control them. Emerie feels like she has no power to do anything differently. So much to unpack here.

- Why is Tarkin’s holo so large?

- Lol I honestly love getting to see the backbiting politics of how the Empire functions. It’s so bad and so funny

- Also love that Project Necromancer is so secret that even Tarkin doesn’t know what it is. He’s so nosy

- Okay why does he bring up the CX schematic again and why is it so different than the one we saw earlier??

- Whoa Cid was tortured???

- “The other operatives aren’t ready to join you in the field” why????

- We’re visiting a lot of space stations this season

- Man I wish Emerie had fudged this test

- Nooo let the poor baby go home 🥺

- Oh and now we’re putting kids in solitary confinement. Great.

- C’mon Emerie. Keep clicking that moral compass until it points north

- She kept the straw Lula. She’s giving it to Eva 😭. There’s hope for her yet

#the bad batch #tbb #tbb spoilers #star wars #the bad batch spoilers #Emerie karr #tbb s3 #the bad batch season 3

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chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter · 6 months

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So Liden Films needed to put this extra scene after today's ending, right? 😭

MANGA SPOILERS!!!

So... Okay, this episode was painful as fuck, I spend most of it crying like a baby.

Draken crying, Mikey acting like a broken zombie, Takemitchy feeling guilty and useless, Hina... Draken punching the wall for more pain.

Everything was too much and I wasn't ready at all to see it animated. Liden Films is doing a great job because this is so painful... Tenjiku vibes 100%, yeeey! 😭😭😭

But then, we had this amazing moment with Takemitchy and his group of wholesome kamikaze friends deciding to go to fight Tenjiku anyway.

We had Inupi proving that he's the only one with any brain cells in that group (sorry, it was hilarious in the middle of so much angst)

So I was ending this episode with a little bit of hype for the fight, a little bit of hope because Chifuyu is the best boy, because Takemitchy is going to be gold, because Akkun, because Angry and Hakkai, because Inupi... So, yeah, I had hype.

I HAD SOME FREAKING HYPE FOR THE BATTLE UNTIL LIDEN FILMS PULLED THAT EXTRA SCENE! 😭😭😭

Then, I had a really bad flashback of the manga when I saw Izana covered in blood in that freaking place, that freaking night. Talking about how this fight is going to change history.

And looking so damn pretty and so hot why I love this crazy babygirl so much

So yeah, I was having hype and in 10 seconds, I just remember where this is going... Of course, I'm depressed again, yeeeey! 😭

Seriously, I feel that Liden Films just did a "hey, are you having hype for this fight? Do you remember that Izana is going to die, right? Don't be excited!"

Sorry, but Tenjiku is breaking my heart too much and I just needed to rant a little bit!

(I'm actually really glad with this arc adaptation, I complain because it's depressing and liden films knows where and how to hit us. Like Wakui xD)

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers spoilers #izana kurokawa #in my tenjiku depression era #ken wakui pay my theraphy bills #tokyo revengers tenjiku hen #liden films you know what you are doing #seishu inui

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nicepersondisorder · 15 days

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What is your favourote and least favourite character from hazbin? Would you change anything about them?

THANK YOU FOR QUESTION !!

i have MANY favorite characters from hazbin !! depending on the traits and the lense we're sorting them by

they're all so interesting and cool!! charchar is amazing and i love how she refuses to give up and sees good in everyone (AND HER VOICE ACTOR IS SO GOOD. SHE HAS SUCH PRETTY VOICE.). she's determined and goal oriented and her dreams are so good and while she has issues and problems, she's genuinely such a good person. i also like the fact that she's a sweet bubbly character, but she still doesn't shy away from swearing and she was shown to lose her cool several times. i love her. i really should reblog more arts with her. okkkk once i finish writing this answer i will go and queue more arts with my babygirl !!!! o7

have i told i love charlie? yeah? i love her. i love her a lot. sorry. next segment

in the next segment we have "pathetic losers", which has two sub-types: "dorks" and "just genuinely pathetic. like. good lord they're so fucking pathetic. (/neg)."

at the top is lucifer ! he's a fascinating critter. he goes in the "dorks" category, but he is really pathetic. dipping toes in the second category even! loser <3 (speaking of losers, i LOVE husk's design. no i'm not biased because he's a cat what are you talking about !!)(i'm lying)(don't have a special opinion on his overall character though, sowwy </3). ANYWAY continuing with lucifer! majority of the scenes with him were Physically Painful to watch due to Second Hand Embarrassment (also i did skip almost all of the episode due to Reasons tm. i need to go and actually watch it. sloooowly). his "TAKE THAT DEPRESSION" lives rent fee in my brain and reminds me of a "could a depressed person make this?" meme. he's pathetic wet beast of a man and while i dislike his absence and flippancy towards his daughter, i understand him (LOL). im also extremely depressed 🤝. that doesn't excuse his actions but i do get why he acts the way he acts. also i don't have "more than anything" playing on repeat. don't look at my music app

second in the "dorks" category is sir pentious! not gushing about him as much as about charchar or lucifer, but he is just so. he evokes cuteness agression in me. i need to make a balloon animal out of him. he is such a nerd. i loved him when the pilot came out (the only character from pilot i drew in 2019 actually!)(you should be honored sirsnake!!). he's not on the list of my favorite favorite characters, i just thought i'd include him since i brought up the "dorks" subtype.

breaking the segment to talk how i find charlie endearing. she's such a sweetheart..... she can do it i believe in her and her dreams <33 (sir pent DID get redeemed after all!!!! the hotel is working !!). she's so silly. love her. ok moving to subtype "pathetic /neg"

the one and only character in this category is vox. he's so fucking pathetic. tearing my hair out i LOVE him for this. okay so i might be a liiiiitle bit unfair to him BUT . his crush on alastor is just so. shaking crying i don't have words for this. he has such bad taste in men (affectionate). AND THE WAY HE ACTS ABOUT IT IS ALSO SO PATHETIC. "oh i learned that the guy who i have love(unrequited)/hate relationship with is back from 7 years absence??? i must broadcast how i don't care about him at all IMMEDIATELY". has the vibe from the joke i've heard somewhere "i've been chasing you for seven miles to tell you how much i don't care about you" or something like that, don't remember the exact wordinb unfortunately 😔. he IS a cool character tho. i love his design, im really weak for tv headed characters. i could run doom on him.sorry. also his powers are sick as fuck!!! but he's so pathetic it's easy to froget how much influence he has an how strong he is.i want to pick him apart on the vivisection table. sorry again. no im not

okay ! next category! "fucking dick holy shit". valentino. he's So Terrible. i need him boiled in oil and i also hate him and i like him and i hope he dies ten thousand deaths and i want to see him suffer. kind of niffty-like type of like for him! he's really fascinating in the worst way possible and he's like. hmmmm im not sure how to put it? he's a genuinely good character (NOT person, two different things) and he can be both absolutely terrible vile etc etc, there are scenes shown that humanize him, which i think is also a good thing, because irl abusers are not one dimensional, and so fictinal ones also shouldn't be, especially in a show that wants to bring up serious themes correctly. controversial opinion but people bitching about how val's design is wasted on him are completely missing the point. yeah.

um! moving on !

there are more characters that i Like, but if i'd be listing them all im afraid itd take years 😭 like you asked for one (1) favorite character and i wrote you a whole essay LMAO

and i don't think i have a least favorite character? it takes too much energy to dislike a character that i don't have XD (i do have a slight distate for alastor, but it's for personal 🍎 reasons so i'm not gonna include him in the post! or in the tags)

nvm i lied i don't like zestial. i Can Not understand what he's saying 💔 bless the subtitles ! that's a silly "least favorite character" don't take it seriously !

ALMOST FORGOT TO ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION. i don't think i'd change anything about the characters !! except maybe making zestial's speech more understandable. please bitches with auditory processing issues can't understand what you're saying zestial please im begginb you on my knees WHAT ARE YOU SAYING

#☆.txt #☆ asks #anon #sorry it took so long to reply!!! i have a LOT of thoughts and also my cat kept distracting me !!#hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #charlie morningstar #vox #valentino #🍎

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sixstepsaway · 2 years

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follow up to the two-part persona ask, I do also wonder if Izzy missed or misplaced the significance of “haven’t tried dying yet” because he mentally classifies every harebrained break from the maintenance of Blackbeard as ‘Edward’s Gonna Get Us All Killed If I Don’t Pay Clean This Up’, constantly being *in* a state of nearly dying- therefore when Ed actually *does* fuck up the date, izzy cant ‘fix’ it, having been reassured ed wasn’t too bad off by the oh plan to Kill Blackbeard and be Bonnet.

This got lost in my box somehow because I am positive I was awake 11hours ago but somehow I did not see this? Okay, whatever, at least it made it to me eventually lmao

I'm going to show you some caps from that scene because I promise you Izzy felt the full depth of "haven't tried dying yet" and just went into instant denial over it because of how painful the concept was to him.

(Tumblr: You can only have 10 images sorry. Me: I will dual you outside of a chick-fil-a, square up.)

I'd like to note here that Ed, much like the rest of us Mentally Ill Bitches, knows there's something wrong with him. "I shouldn't be bored. I'm fucking Blackbeard." He knows something is fucked up in that skull of his, but unfortunately it's 1717 and he's a man so he can't be diagnosed with hysteria and nothing else has really been deduced yet, so he's stuck just knowing his head's a mess and he can't fix it. Which, uh, is a really fucking depressing thought actually!

Izzy is also the one that gives Ed the idea of suicide, and that's... a whole new thing for Izzy to have to chew on, you know?

First time I went back through this scene, I focused on the fact Ed hones in on suicide as a notion to end his boredom, then meets Stede and, before Stede introduces him to the idea of retirement, he tells him he's 'been thinking of packing it all in', implying he's been genuinely considering yeeting himself into the abyss. Which was painful in itself.

But rewatching this scene with the singular purpose of honing in on Izzy and Con O'Neill's excellent micro expression acting even in the shots where he's turned away or blurry?

Agonizing, thank you.

This one especially. The furrow in his brow. The soft intensity in his eye. He's just heard his #1 person in the world say he's thinking dying could be the next big adventure because he can't stand living anymore and he inadvertently put the idea in his head. Babygirl is suffering.

God, this shot.

And then, coming back to my Cinematography Commentary™, this is another long shot from far away that makes you feel how isolated and alone Izzy feels. Delightful!

And then he writes it off and goes into denial because what else is he meant to do there? And goes to put the little ship away respectfully because Edward likes it lmao.

So: Missed or misplaced? No. Went into instant denial because it was too much for his already traumatized brain to bear? Absolutely. We talk a lot about how Izzy already has his own trauma and mental illness, whether it's from headcanons like @treesofgreen's re: sa, or just from a long life of piracy which has been established to be fucking terrible (beatings etc from Hornigold) and Izzy's clear class dynamics, but we don't really talk about his trauma and mental illness in relation to managing Ed's, and honestly? It's not a surprise that there's a step too far for Izzy's brain to handle and it's, "Edward wants to kill himself."

therefore when Ed actually *does* fuck up the date, izzy cant ‘fix’ it, having been reassured ed wasn’t too bad off by the oh plan to Kill Blackbeard and be Bonnet.

The plan to kill Stede comes after the lighthouse, so this is a slightly incorrect timeline. Izzy spends this entire episode in a state of "we're all fucking going to die" up until Ed does his flouncy little, "Frankfurters!" declaration in the fog, at which point he's so relieved and happy that Ed is still the genius he knows he is and that Ed had a plan to save them all along, and then Ed says, "Furthermore, it's a full moon--" and Izzy's life turns upside down again because Ed fucked that up and they're all going to die after all.

#tw suicide #edward teach #edward teach meta #izzy hands #izzy hands meta #blackhands #blackhands meta #ofmd #ofmd meta #our flag means death #ask #anonymous

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tonberry-yoda · 1 year

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For the Jojo ask:

2. Fave art style?

4. Best JoBro or side protagonist?

5. Best minor characters?

7. Favourite Stand design? Least favourite Stand design?

8. Stand you would like to have (or DON'T want to have)?

10. Least favourite character?

12. How were you introduced to JoJo?

15. Best soundtrack?

16. Favourite ship(s)?

18. Funniest moment or fave meme?

20. Fave out-of-context or weird moment? (Especially to show non-fans)

21. Best music or art you've discovered through JoJo?

24. Random fun fact you know about JoJo

oh yay!!! howdy there!! thanks for sending in an ask i love these so much omgggg

this one ran long so im gonna leave a cut here lol

2. Fave art style?

100% part 7. like that is GORGOUS JOJO. and araki at that time said that the fashion of the time was long torso and long legs so he made gyro long, which i love and appreciate because he is my babygirl

4. Best JoBro or side protagonist?

polnareff. gyro. yasaho. they will forever be my top three because they are all amazing and 10/10 characters. also i dont know if these two count, but emporio and hayato as well. 8000000/10 little guys

5. Best minor characters?

i really loved squalo and tiziano from part 5 because they were pretty and cute. uhhh let's see... i would say lisa lisa, but she's pretty major.... uh i think im gonna go with that. araki is really good at making all of his characters pretty intentional lmaoo.

7. Favourite Stand design? Least favourite Stand design?

favorite goes to:

i wish it was mine. i want it now. i want... no need my stand to look like this PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

least favorite goes to:

like come on.... we couldve given joseph something rad (i just went with a safe answer because i love all of the stands tbh)

8. Stand you would like to have (or DON'T want to have)?

oh this is fun! let's do both! i would love to have Killer Queen tbh because you could just make trash disappear. like come on, the CONVINIENCE! one i dont want is Fugo's Purple Stand. That would SUCK

10. Least favourite character?

can i say alessi??? this is obvious, so i feel like i'm just doing a cop out lmaooooo let me actually pick someone... okay im gonna get hate, but Doppio/Diavolo. Just not a great villain in my opinion I'm sorry

12. How were you introduced to JoJo?

omg this is a super funny story. i had a friend who wanted me to watch it, but i wasnt sure. i mean i wanted to watch it, but i really didnt know how dark/mature it would be and i thought i was too young at the time lol. then i was on discord one day with some friends and they were watching jojo's and it was the episode where wamuu and joseph were fighting and i was SO INTO IT LMAOOOOO. i loved it, but never watched jojo's until a friend BEGGED ME. i started with the manga funny enough and then just finally watched it. fell in love <3

16. Favourite ship(s)?

joseph and caesar. johnny and gyro. uhhhh Trish and Mista??? I think it's kinda cute. Jolyne and Anasui for sure or her and Hermes too. And definitely Jonathan and Erina. OH AND MY FAVORITE ONE IS BRUNO AND ABBACCHIO! Literally they are gay lovers thank you.

18. Funniest moment or fave meme?

pizza mozzarella is so stupid that i cant help but love it. fav meme is the one where rohan and josuke are laughing and then rohan just stabs his pinky LMFAOOOO

20. Fave out-of-context or weird moment? (Especially to show non-fans)

the one where Bruno is talking about Narancia's hand being a floppy condom. i'll leave it right there thanks

24. Random fun fact you know about JoJo

Araki wanted to make Fugo turn against Bruno and the rest of the gang and end up dying, but Araki was really depressed at the time and didn't have the heart to kill of Fugo, so he left him be. Also he wanted Squalo and Tiziano to be married, but his editing team said no because of ruled back then

thanks i had a lot of fun <333333

#tonberry answers #asks #ask game #jjba #jjba ask game

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euphoricfilter · 1 year

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hi honeybun i’m back!! i’ve been on depression shit and i fucked up ny sleeping schedule again (only bc i’ve been getting high every day which i normally don’t to sigh) but just wanted to say hi to my fav<3 recently it became colder where i am and it’s just making me wanna cuddle with all seven gorgeous men, but hobi just would be the coziest <3 i saw a lil video promo for his doc and he just looked so fluffy and cute. wanna hold him !! you probs have already answered this but i’m a bit new so i wanna know, who’s ur bias in the group? for me it’s namjoonie but the rap line has my entire heart<333 ofc i luv all of them evenly but my babies :((( also i declared tae to be my twin flame only bc we are literally born a day apart (on a calendar basis he’s like a few years older than me lmao) but i just luv capricorn men so much and we have some sort of the same personality we r basically the same!!!! jk and jimin are my babygirls they r so cute :,))) and as for jin, the man is too beautiful i would just stare at him he intimidates me sm i would be like pls have mercy on me. i would literally be this emoji 😦 if i ever saw him !!!! gonna go dive into some fluff bc im feeling a bit down and then head to sleep soon bc it’s 5:20 am for me and i haven’t slept so gn/gm bae <333 luv u sm :D-🌙

omg you’re back!!!!! honestly me too 😭 since i’ve been visiting my friend i think my sleep schedule has been wonky but alas i’m still alive, i was slowly teetering on the edge of a depressive episode a couple of weeks and and i just 🧍‍♀️somehow pulled through and i’ve been doing okay recently

fave? babes you’ll give me a massive ego, i’m simply existing

koreas been colder than shanghai has been recently but it’s not unbearable so i don’t mind it, yesterday was pretty nice considering how cold it was when i first got here

i saw the documentary video teaser, hobi’s so cool i wanna levitate 🫶 i’m really excited to his creative process, and how he like organized the album, kept up with the schedules for it, just like a deeper dive into jack in the box and what happened behind the scenes, i always find stuff like that really interesting

noo it’s okay, i think i’ve only mentioned it once like ages ago, idk if it’s obvious by everything i reblog but i’m jungkook biased 🫶 that man can get it, there’s no way a man should be that pretty and get away with it, like i want to be him. i could write a whole thesis about why i love that man and why everyone in the world should love him too and he’s so pretty star cutie 🫶

namjoon is 100% my comfort person, i see him and i just ☹️ words aren’t enough to explain how much i adore his existence, if namjoon had to be an emotion then it would either be comfort or reassurance, simply having him there is reassuring enough that you’re doing okay, that simply living is enough and by some weird miracle, he doesn’t know what we all look like but you feel seen 🫶 anyways i love joonie too i just 🫶🫶🫶🫶 if i could only ever say one thing to him i think it would be thank you

idk which members count as compatible? is that the right word, with my star sign. i know me and hobi are both born in february but that’s it 😭

jungkook is the personification of the word baby girl, you can’t tell me otherwise, there’s just something in the way he holds himself that screams baby girl and i love him so much 😭

me if i ever happened to be in the same room as jin 🧍‍♀️

i literally wouldn’t even know what to do with myself except run in the opposite direction

i hope you feel a little better later!!! and have a good day <3

MWAH 🫂🫂 ily <3

#ask #🌙anon #HONEYBUN 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶#IM GONNA SELF IMPLODE #secrets out #im a sucker for cute petnames #like whyd you have me giggling and kicking my legs 😟

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iguessweallcrazyithinktho · 4 years

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Chris Evans masterlist

Chris Evans HC

Going on a road trip with Chris and kiddos (headcannon)

Being married to Chris Evans would include(headcannon)

Chris Evans Imagines

imagine chris seeing you with a kid

imagine chris talking about the day you got married

imagine:chris broke up with you before you could tell him your pregnant

imagine:you and chris divorced and have two kids together/maybe it not to late to get back together

imagine chris talking about your twins

imagine chris seeing you for the first time

Imagine Chris seeing you with a kid after 2 years of being broken up (fluff)

Imagine Chris seeing you in a beautiful dress at an award show

Imagine your son thinking your so beautiful and he doesn’t want Chris to see you

Imagine Chris finding out his 3 year old has a boyfriend

Imagine your kids finding out that Chris is captain America

Imagine Chris being your neighbor and you wondering why didn’t put on pants.

Imagine Chris feeling like he failed as a father

Imagine Chris watching you play with his niece and nephew and he can’t help wonder how amazing you would be as a mom

Imagine Chris and your son telling the paparazzi no pictures

Imagine your son regret eating Wasabi

Imagine telling Chris that you want to make him a daddy on father’s day ~ smut

Chris Evans prompts

mamas boy 9&58

make me 48

i can’t keep kissing stranger and pretending their you 1,14&33

i forgive you 11

please marry me 32

hey just breath 29&10

92 and 84( smut)

76 and 91 ( angst, smut, fluff)

4 and 99(sad)

15 and 85(slightly angst, fluff)

quarantine proposal(fluff)

big fight (angst, fluff), breath with me (fluff)

shoulder pain(fluff)

thirsty tweet reveal (fluff)

he’s okay (angst, fluff, daddy Chris), period(fluff)

54&56(smut)

50,54,59(smut)

68&72(smut)

68,69,72(smut)

31,50,72(smut)

16,40(fluff)

Chris Evans:

exes to lover

8 letter

haters

accident happen how you think we …

heart eyes

daddy little fan

build a bear v teddy bear

baby love

falling like the stars

all way by your side

i will always protect you

rain can’t ruin the fun

give me nickname

your not a real fan

don’t touch her

im sorry

will you be there

i love you just the way you are

little valentine

best valentine day ever

admire your beauty

kick ass boyfriend

you and chris in quarantine

focus on my breathing

panic attack

sweater wearing dorks

i’m not good enough for you

moving to boston

beautiful in his eyes

have each other

strong mama

jealous chris

wear a longer skirt next time

i’m bored

that hurt my feelings

animal crossing

A place to sit ( smut)

Hot model (fluff, slightly smut)

Beautiful in his eyes ( fluff)

What!(angst, fluff)

Love me (smut)

Please forgive me(angst, fluff)

Bikini fun(smut, slight fluff)

Brazilian girl(smut)

Window (smut)

Hands(smut)

Dad’s friend (smut)

Chris Evans Fluff:

Not worth it || angst

You are the reason || fluff

Plane cancellation || fluff

Skype call || fluff

Back off, he’s mine || fluff, light Angst

Everything okay || fluff, light Angst

Social anxiety || fluff

Workout or dance party || fluff

Chris Evans Smut:

Fuck it || smut

Quick quiet sex || smut

Stuck with u || smut

Tapes || smut

His fingers are accurate || smut

Wild wet dream || smut

CEO barber || smut

Language || smut

Such a good mouth || smut

One bed || smut

Not so innocent maid || smut

Bathtub || smut

Daddy Chris:

Princess Chris ( fluff, daddy Chris)

Dance with me ( fluff, daddy Chris)

cuddle and kisses ( fluff, daddy Chris)

Late night protection (fluff, daddy Chris)

No kissing mama ( fluff, daddy Chris)

Helping daddy (fluff, daddy Chris)

Junk food convinced (fluff, daddy Chris)

3 month old talker( fluff, daddy Chris)

Twins ( fluff, daddy Chris)

Workout distraction (fluff, daddy Chris)

Reading a book (fluff, daddy Andy)

She’s growing up too fast (fluff, daddy Chris)

Little sister love (fluff, daddy Chris)

Shuts that out (fluff, daddy Andy)

Finally princesses (fluff, daddy Chris)

Busted (fluff, daddy Chris)

Bubbles (fluff, daddy Chris)

Not little anymore (fluff, daddy Chris)

New best friend (fluff, daddy Chris)

Skin to skin (fluff, daddy Chris)

Hungry baby, no (fluff, daddy Chris)

Peas (fluff, daddy Chris)

What are you doing Papa(fluff,daddy Chris)

Meeting little brother(fluff, daddy Chris)

Quarantine with kiddos(fluff, daddy Chris)

Mother’s day || dad! Chris

Memories || dad! Chris

Winnie the Pooh ||dad! Chris

Puppies || dad! Chris

Shy || dad! Chris

Bring us together || dad! Chris

Curly hair || dad! Chris

Quarantine baby || dad! Chris

Strawberries || dad! Chris

Bake a cake || dad! Chris

Sugar party || dad! Chris

Cuddles || dad! Chris

Morning with the Evans || dad! Chris

Disneyland || dad! Chris

FaceTime || dad! Chris

Pool day || dad! Chris

Big hands || dad! Chris

Not food || dad! Chris

Chris Evans oneshots:

Target - you lied and told Chris that you and your daughter weren’t going to target. He catches you both ~ Fluff

Double trouble maker - your twins break something and hide behind you, even though Chris isn’t mad ~ Fluff

Birthday special - Summary: it’s Chris’s birthday and since you both are still in quarantine, you want to give him a little show at home ~ smut

legal | Request : you wrote some dad figure!tom x teen actress!reader, can i get one with Chris Evans? maybe reader has been emancipated for awhile now n despite the fact that she’s been raising herself for a long time now, she still needs that parently guidance and maybe chris gives her that??? i hope that’s ok!! -🌙 ~ Fluff

Twins - I have a request, I was wondering if u can do a request, where the reader is African American and he and Chris are expecting towns, but they revel the news to Chris’s parents and your parents and also both of y’all grandparents?? ~ Fluff

Work this out - Can I request chris or henry tried to work through there divorce but end up with cute moments working it out ~ fluff

Princess - your Andy princess ~ smut

Surprise - I had another idea, what if Chris was being interviewed and you and your guys daughter who’s 4, came and surprised him, but once your daughter saw Chris she runs up to him and yells daddy!! - Fluff

Fort - Summary: it’s a rainy day and you, Chris, and your son build a fort ~ Fluff

Slobbery kisses - Chris wakes up to sloppy kisses by his baby ~ Fluff

Can’t sleep without you - Hi! can I request something where Chris and the reader had an argument and Chris goes to sleep in the couch, but in the middle of the night, the reader go to sleep with him there? Thanks! ~ slightly Angst, Fluff

Make up - Just after that quick one about fighting and sleeping separately could you do a quick imagine on the make up sex pls :)) ty ~ smut, Fluff

Tough guy -Can I ask for an imagine about the reader fighting with her husband Chris, about his family and the fight ending in rough sex? ❤ ~ kinda dark, smut

Giraffe slippers - Chris can’t get over your son’s giraffe slippers ~ Fluff

Switzerland - Summary: you, Chris and your son go on vacation to beautiful Switzerland ~ Fluff

Velvet - I found these prompts. They’re perfect ~ Fluff, implied smut

I’m scared, but I love you - Can u make where on how will cevans admit to a girl that he likes (or falling for) her and the girl is scared bc of the risk of dating him (privacy, fame, hate) and chris tells her he’s scared too but he’s willing to take a risk bc he can’t afford to see u w/ anyone else ~ Fluff

Interviewer - Summary: your a black interviewer and Chris couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. - smut, Fluff

Red dress - Request: After the oscars or whatever awards with Chris Evans, reader wearing a really sexy dress and even sexier lingerie ~ Fluff, implied smut

Softy -Request: Imagine Chris when he has a baby 🥺 I can honestly imagine how in love he’s gonna be in the delivery room getting handed his child. That man seriously makes my heart melt ~ Fluff

Who are you? - Request: can i request an image where chris comes back from filming and has a beautiful beard, but his baby daughter didn’t recognize him ~ Fluff

Empty theater - Request: you and chris go to the theaters and find out you two are the only one in the showing. You’re pretty invested into the movie and Chris is just horny 3000. He’s tryna fool around and you disregard him until he grabs your hand and puts it on his crotch and says in that insanely attractive Boston accent, “feel how hah’d you got me??” shweaty🤤 ~ smut

What moving in with Chris is like ~ Fluff

Long hair lover - Request: Can you write an imagine where Chris came back from filming red sea diving resort and his baby daughter is crazy in love with his long hair? ~ Fluff

Mean girl - Request: Hi, can you write one where the reader runs into a mean girl from school at supermarket and the girl start to brag for just saw Chris Evans. She doesn’t know that the reader is his wife, so the the mean girl has a little surprise when Chris find his wife at the line or something. ~ Fluff, slightly angst

Episode - Request: Hey are you taking request? I’m dark skinned chocolate and I’d love for Chris to comfort reader during a depressive episode. She’s the life of the party and she’s a new actress, not popular but she met Chris through mutual friends and he’s realized she’s been isolating herself lately, so he stops by her apt. to check in on her. She feels like she’s losing her mind. You can add smut. 😉 reader usually feels better after an episode buts its a serious battle and having support helps tremendously.😊 ~ Fluff, smut

Romantic day - Request: So Chris was asked in an interview if he ever had anyone do anything romantic for him and he had a hard time remembering. Can you write a fic where his girlfriend does something romantic for him? Like on a tooth rotting level of fluff. ~ fluff

Piglet - your daughter dress up as piglet from Winnie the Pooh ~ fluff

Bathroom and mirror - Request: Hey, I was wondering if I could request being at a party with Chris and he goes to the bathroom and you follow only for him to lift you on to the sink and eat your 🐱 then bend you over and fuck you hard watching you in the mirror ~ smut

Pink ribbon - Request: Okay but like I had this imagine in my head, like Chris is recording a video of his babygirl which is two months and he’s recording a video to help people with wants happening in the world to make then smile and then you hear a “grrr” and he’s like yes my daughter did learn how to growl before speaking thanks to dodger ! And he’s like so in love with the cutest bean to ever live ! And wife!reader be like watching this as she growls,dodger being proud! -🥺💕 ~ Fluff

Migraine - Request: Take as much time as you need 😜. I was about reader working at home on quarantine and she has this migraine so Chris takes care of her?? Could be a drabble, hc, blurb, whatever you wanna make of it ~ Fluff

Childhood bedroom - Request: Reader and Chris having sex in Chris’s childhood room when they visit his parents for a holiday (whichever you want) and Scott walking in on them ~ smut

Boomerang - Request: Can I request Chris Evans x Reader age gap where its her 10 high school reunion and back in high school she was over weight and was teased for it. Now she isnt and is engaged to Chris, but at the reunion she gets told by like an ex boyfriend an ex friend that Chris will leave her if she gets her weight back. Chris over hears this and is upset by it. Also could they make a remark like she is gaining weight again but she is pregnant like three months with a tiny bump (Maybe smut) Thank you ~ Angst, smut

Period - Request: can you do one abt chris when his girl is on her period ~ Fluff

4am car ride - Summary: at 4 in the morning Chris wakes you up to go on a car ride ~ Fluff

No Oscars - Request: Concept: reader consoling chris after he comes back from the oscars without any wins ~ Angst, fluff

Morning with the Evans - Summary: morning with 6 kiddos, 4 going to school. ~ Fluff

Wanna help? - Request: Hi there! What about Chris is in his bed reading a book as his wife were doing her routine of moisturizing her body and he start staring at her and she asks if he want to do the job for her. ~ smut

Mommy isn’t hot she’s warm

Message therapist - Request: I’m a massage therapist. I would love to see a wondering with CE and a therapist. She gets a one in a lifetime opportunity to massage the one and only, he sees her small stature and does not think she’ll be able to help him, but he is pleasantly surprised. He takes one look at her, and get simplicity and naturalness intrigues and consumes him. He’s on a mission to make her his, she’s wary. She’s wary because of her past and of what his intentions are. And doesn’t trust him right away. @creae7881 ~ Fluff

America’s ass - Summary: you make Chris celebrate that ass on its birthday `~ Fluff

Mechanic - Request: Hi! Wondering if you could make a story where Chris falls for a girl that’s a mechanic. I’ve been looking to pictures of the car Downey gifted him. She can be the one who built it. Thanks ~ @arabescapr ~ Fluff

Angry at you - Summary: Chris has to do some work and his daughter wants to play, but he can’t. She doesn’t like that. ~ Fluff

Virgin till married - Request: Hey! I really love your five and am a huge fan of your writing! Is there a way you could write a Chris fanfic in which the reader is a virgin and wants to save herself for marriage and it’s their honeymoon and she is gonna have sex for the first time with husband Chris.😙❤ It can be fluff and smut. Thank you! ~ smut

Secretly - Request: I have a request for Chris. Where the reader is a beautiful black plus-size woman and she and Chris are secretly dating, and one day they are spotted out and Chris panics and he has an interview and the interviewer asked him “who’s this girl u were spotted with” and Chris says I don’t know he personally she’s just a fan, and the reader watches the interview and gets heartbroken so she blocks him and changing a the locks to her house, and Chris finds out that she watched the interview. For the plus size request for Chris. I have to send another ask for same request because I didn’t have enough room to finish, but the reader starts avoiding and ignoring Chris, and Chris tries to get the reader to talk to him by showing up at her work, or bringing her flowers or her favorite food but she declines until one day she gets home and he’s on her doorstep and she starts walking by him ignoring him and he asks her just to talk to him please. Can there be a happy ending. ~ @briannab1234 ~ Angst, Fluff

After the show - Request: I’m sort of obsessed with the idea an anon sent in about the reader being a singer and her performing on stage and then him getting her home! I don’t know if you’re doing that already but if not can I request it for Chris Evans pleaseee ~ smut

Midnight return ~ Fluff, dad! Chris

You+me=perfect - Request: Hi! Just discovered your blog a few weeks ago and fell in love with your writing. I know requests are closed, but when you have time, could you do one where Chris and Reader (age gap) like each other and they know and everybody knows but when Reader makes a move he rejects her because since he wants a family he thinks reader is not ready for that. Please happy ending, 2020 is already too stressful :)~ Angst, Fluff

Your producing ice? - Request:Writing idea? Yk that game that Chris played with Jimmy Fallon where they poured the ice water down each other’s pants. Yeah yeah yeah. Just imagine going to give Chris a bj in the dressing room or something and there’s ice In his pants -🥺 but confused ~ smut, Fluff

Wine and sunset - Summary: you and Chris have been together for 3 years and now you got married to him. You both are on your honeymoon. He can’t help but keep his hands off of you. ~ smut, Fluff

No kissing ~ fluff,dad! Chris

At last I see the light - Request: Hi, can you please write Chris Evans x reader when he’s on the Graham Show and the other guest is a singer he have a crush on, she perform a song she recorded for the ‘We Love Disney’s album and he’s just in admiration please? ~ Fluff

Another princess?! - Summary: your pregnant and you and Chris finally figure out the gender of your baby. ~ Fluff

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #submission #Chris Evans imagines #Chris Evans x female reader #chris evans x plus size reader #chris Evans smut #dad!chris evans #Chris Evans x ofc

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thevampiresiren · 3 years

Text

Lullaby

Min Yoongi x depressed!Reader

Summary: You've been hiding your struggles with your clinical depression and anxiety disorders from Yoongi, scared of being a clingy girlfriend. Yoongi comes home early to show you how he knows where you're coming from and will always be there for you.

Word Count: 1620

Genre: Angst/Fluff

WARNINGS: Cursing, Mentions of MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) and anxiety disorders. (Lyrics to the song do sound like its talking about suicide, but the song wasn't originally supposed to be about mental health)

A/N: This is one of my favorite Nickelback songs and it helps me when I myself have depressive episodes. It just had Yoongi trying to help someone with depression written all over it to me. Also this is only my second fanfic so try to cut me some slack😅

Well, I know the feeling

And there ain't no healing

Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge

From cutting yourself with the jagged edge

You're not quite sure what offically started it. All you knew was that your chest was aching, you felt nauseous, you were shaking, and had tears quietly running down your face. You knew you were becoming stressed with this new job of yours, but you ended up just pushing the stress back down like you always did. Well, your depression and anxiety had other plans for you. You ended up just putting your cell phone on vibrate, just wanting silence. Part of you wanted to call your boyfriend. He understood more than anyone what is was like having a depressive episode. It was one of the many things you and Yoongi had in common and one of the many reasons you fell in love with each other. Being able to understand each other's struggles and helping the other out when it became too much.

I'm telling you that, it's never that bad

Take it from someone who's been where you're at

The bigger part of you knew how happy Yoongi was that he was able to start being with the guys again after his surgery. You didn't have the heart to pull him away from his brothers when they were so happy to be with each other again. You reached out for Holly on the bed, pulling him close. Burying your face into his soft, brown, curly, fur; you allowed your tears to fall onto him. Holly began gently kissing your face, like he was trying to wipe your tears. You smiled at him before gently closing your eyes trying to relax.

Laid out on the floor, and you're not sure you can take this anymore

Yoongi knew something was going on with you for the past two days. You were going to bed earlier, eatting less, and a lot more quiet. You said it was because you were tired and just stressed from your new job. He would have believed you. But now that you weren't answering any of his texts or calls (or anyone else's for that matter), he knew it wasn't just "stress". He tried not worrying but what was he supposed to do? He ended up leaving the studio early, telling Namjoon and the rest of the guys that something was up and he needed to head home.

So just give it one more try to a lullaby, And turn this up on the radio. If you can hear me now I'm reaching out, To let you know that you're not alone

He tried calling you once again only for it go to voice-mail for the umpteenth time.

"Babygirl, please call me. I'll be home in less than five mintues. I just need to know that you're alright. I love you, okay?". He took a deep breath. He knew you were going to be okay, but he didn't know how long your depression was acting up or where your head was at.

And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell, 'Cause I can't get you on the telephone. So just close your eyes. Oh, honey, here comes a lullaby. Your very own lullaby

When Yoongi walked into the apartment, he didn't even think about taking his shoes off. He just went straight to the bedroom looking for you. He saw your phone abandoned on the couch and picked it up for you. Yoongi came up to the door and heard your muffled sniffles behind the door.

"Jagiya, can I come in?" He asked softly, not wanting to startle you. He heard a quiet "mhm" and gently opened the door. You had Holly underneath your head using him as a pillow, giving him gentle pets. Your face was stained in tears (along with Holly's fur), hair was a mess, and in nothing but your favorite red and black flannel of his with the skull on the back. Even though you were a wreck right now, you were still breath taking to him. Yoongi walked over to his side of the bed.

He sat down bedside you looking as your back faced him, rubbing your shoulder; making your shoulders slightly relax. It hurt him more than anything seeing you like this, it always did even though it didn't happen often and he always knew you would be okay.

"Can you look at me?" He said firm but gently. You stopped petting Holly and rolled over facing your boyfriend. You were scared that he would be upset for some reason but he looked worried and even sad. He held his arms out for you and gently pulled you to his chest protectively, rubbing your back soothingly. He let you cried into his chest as your body shook, tears staining his white tee as you held onto it like your life depended on it while he kissed your forehead and shoulder.

Please let me take you out of the darkness and into the light

He wasn't going to push you right now, but he needed to know what was going on. Once you calmed down and had your breathing under control he asked you what was going on.

"I wasn't lying when I said I was stressed over this job, but I guess it was effecting me more than I thought.". Yoongi nodded his while moving pieces of your hair out of your face.

"I don't know if I'm doing things right, I feel like whenever something goes wrong its my fault, and I just feel lost. I feel like I'm letting people down and I didn't want to say anything to stress people out because I know they have their own problems in their lives. I feel weak whenever this happens and feel like I let everyone down..." You said with your breath shaking.

Cause I have faith in you that you're gonna make it through another night

Yoongi pulled you into his lap, having you straddle his hips. He gently held your face between his large hands wiping your new tears away and leaving little kisses on your nose, cheeks, forehead, and lips.

"Jagi, you are NEVER weak when this happens. You're having a hard time right now and it's normal with depression and anxiety disorders. You're amazing at your job. You've never had any problems with jobs in the past and always are above average in performance reviews. And you know you can always call me. You don't stress me out. You know I know how this feels."

"I know that but you and the guys missed each other so much. I didn't want to take away your all's happiness and I didn't want you to think I was being a needy girlfriend..." you said crying again into his shoulders.

"Hey, have you ever thought of me as a needy boyfriend when I have my breakdowns?" Yoongi asked gently forcing you to look up at him with his finger under your chin. You gently shook your head.

"Have you ever been mad at me for pulling you away from your friends with my depression?". You shook your head again.

"Do you like seeing me suffer with my own personal demons?". Once again, you shook your head. Yoongi gently grabbed your arms and placed them around his neck while he placed his around you waist.

Stop thinking about the easy way out

There's no need to go and blow the candle out

"It works both ways babygirl. The guys always understand too. I hate seeing you like this without me knowing. It hurts me so fucking much." He said with tears in his eyes. "You and I both know that we're always there to help each other get through this shit. We understand each other more than anyone else. No matter what I'm doing I can't be happy knowing my girl isn't answering the phone because she is suffering inside her own head." He said as a tear fell. He pulled you into his chest again held onto you tightly. Like if he were to let go, he would wake up and you would be gone. He took a deep breath getting himself together, still holding you tightly.

"I love you so fucking much Y/N L/N. I want to do anything I can to help you like we always do with each other. Because you're going to get through this like all the other times. It's only going to get better from here baby. Don't let yourself burn out on this one thing. You're one of the strongest people I know." He said as a few more tears slid out.

Because you're not done, You're far too young and the best is yet to come

You wrapped your arms tightly around Yoongi's neck. You pressed your lips against his, your fingers running against his soft raven locks. He kisses you back slow and gently but somehow full of the passion and love he has for you. A few moments later you both gently pull away from the kiss, noses touching and out of breath.

"I love you too, Yoongs. I know everything will be okay. Its just the anxiety talking." You say rubbing his neck.

"I know it is and its hard. But I mean it. You promise me you'll call me whenever you need me. No matter what I'm doing, Dork." He said smiling lovingly at you while lightly flicking your forehead. You giggled softly smiling at him.

"You better do the same, Jerk."

Yoongi lifted up his pinky finger, wrapping it around yours and kissing it.

"I promise, brat."

So just give it one more try to a lullaby

#yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #min yoongi x reader #min yoongi x you #bts x reader

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soft-sunflower · 4 years

Text

Flower of Evil- Episode 7 Thoughts

Okay... so what's up with the whole poor Hyunsoo/Heeseong waking up injured, in pain, disoriented and scared? It's okay. JG pulls it off so well, so I'm totally down with it tbh. Poor man... had no idea where he was, saw a bunch of valuable jewelry, was probably gonna steal it, escape, pawn it so he could get some cash and try to find somewhere to try and live. After all, his f'n roommate just tried to KILL HIM for money! But, for real though... the unfather is freaking me out more and more. WHY is he carrying a tray with bloody towels on it and coming to where HS is...? I'm a little weirded out by that. These unparents give me the willies... Especially the unfather.

Okay, so ummm that lovemaking scene? IT WAS FIRE OK. I mean by kdrama standards, that was WOW and ummm... I'm thinking kdramas might be getting a little bit braver, but omg... here's the thing. It wasn't just sex though... Jiwon STILL loves him. Enough that she wanted all of him. She clung to him. Laced her fingers together to hold onto him and the focus on their wedding rings. This happens a lot. I'm seeing the focus on their wedding rings in many of their scenes often. I feel like this carries some sort of heavy significance. You can tell this is so hard for her, because she's not sure if her husband is a killer or not, but she loves him so openly and genuinely that she even cries while making love to him. She wants him, and she wants a reason to forgive him.

Which brings me to the next part I want to talk about. Where HS is waking up after their night of passion. JW is so tender with him, brushing back his hair. I really truly believe her inner dialogue abut him not having a choice was true. HE HAD NO CHOICE! What could he have done with everyone blaming him and dragging him down and trying to place him in a villainous role he doesn't want?? And there are PLENTY of reasons here that we have yet to talk about to forgive him. This man LOVES you. You are his safe place, for starters. I wonder though, when he wakes up and grabs her hand and looks afraid, if he was having a bad dream. He didn't want to talk about his dream when she asked. It was just a dream. Poor HS. :(

My heart ached when he said "it feels like nothing happened... because nothing changed." He looks so heartbreakingly childlike and desperate, because he wants this to be true. He doesn't want anything to change. He LOVES Jiwon and his daughter. He wants their happy home to continue remaining happy and warm and safe and comfortable, but it's slowly crumbling right before his eyes, and I think deep down, he knows it. The truth will always come out in some way, and as heartbreaking as it is for him, it's happening. His wife is onto him, and at this point, he just might be in denial about this.

The accomplice tape unnerves me. I want to know WHO was on that tape, and it's clear that it's unnerving Hyunsoo also. He could hear the clanging sounds in the background... Sounds from his father's shop? Something else? We saw the cymbol from during his exorcism. Is there a chance that the accomplice could be the village head? I don't know. Village Head, teams up with Do Min Seok, helps aid in his serial killings and then after Min Seok's "suicide" (maybe the village head killed him?) takes in the kids and tries to make himself look like a good man when in reality he is not, and then goes and gets himself killed by Haesu? Or maybe there is a third party involved? Ugh I don't know! I do know this. There's more to the village head than meets the eye and I NEED to know what he's done to these people. Also, the way Haesu reacted to the TV station playing it's bit about the village head's murder? The flashback of the murder weapon, skirt and legs? Hmmmm... REALLY fishy, and I've felt off about that girl for a bit now. I THINK she did it...

Okay, the next part I want to go over is Hyunsoo as a child being questioned by the counselor... that child looks absolutely miserable and depressed. If he were my son, I would've had him in appropriate treatment and not instantly believing he's capable of murder. If you notice him, he looks reluctant to answer... almost as if he were FORCED to say he did these things. Forced, brainwashed, threatened... I don't know. Did he throw the dog in a well? Maybe, maybe not, but to me he does not seem the type to do it. The way he answered "yes" did not come across to me like someone admitting to something they did. I feel like he was forced to say he did these things or wanted to do these things OR something BAD happened enough to cause him severe trauma to the point that he DID want to do these things. SOMETHING terrible happened to him as a child.

HOLY FREAKING UNFATHER!!! You're ANGRY that HS didn't kill the taxi driver!? Just like HS said, I thought you'd be pleased... why are you NOT pleased? WHY are you trying to force this poor man into the role of a murderer when he is NOT a murderer!? WHY are you trying to villainize him?? What breaks my heart during this whole entire scene here is that he's furious that HS didn't murder, so furious to the point that he is now threatening HS's family!? WHY!? Telling him he needs to go? Far away?? What exactly DOES he mean by that? And what does he mean by "I'll take care of your wife and daughter forever." What is "the worst possible outcome" exactly?? This man is more horrifying than anyone I've come across in this show yet. You're a doctor and hospital director, so what the literal HELL!? And HS is afraid of him. You can see it all over his face. All he can do is just agree and say he hears him. The unfather has him underneath his pinky finger and he knows it.

Oh CRAP the unstable ungrandma has Eunha!? That's kinda unsettling... and then when the little one starts work on her studies (it's clear she's a highly intelligent little girl since she's a few grades ahead!) the lady goes batshit and rips up her books? WHY? Does this have something to do with her real son, the real Heeseong? What does she mean by "it'll kill you and your mother?" Poor babygirl Eunha... but at least ungrandma take her out for an egg tart to help her feel better, and she is such a good girl. Ungrandma even tries to gently wipe Eunha's face clean of egg tart. That was... rather unexpected and the first time I've ever seen any form of tenderness from ungrandma/unmother. Hmmm... interesting.

OKAY CAN I JUST SCREAM FOR A MINUTE THAT I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW DO HYUNSOO WAS NOT THE KILLER. I KNEW HE WAS PROTECTING HIS SISTER BECAUSE OF IT. I KNEW SHE KILLED HIM. Of course Moojin still wants to place that blame on Hyunsoo and claims she’s just protecting Hyunsoo. I just had this feeling deep in my gut because something felt off about her. However, do I believe she killed in a psychopathic way? No. I don't. I think that village head was doing something terrible to those kids. I KNEW Hyunsoo was protecting his sister, and I knew that his sister disappearing the way she did was protecting him too. They both know what happened and why she killed him. I have my suspicions why too. I could be wrong, but the sister is far too emotional and sad to be a crazed killer, I feel. I think it was self defense or something along those lines. Could be wrong though! Might shock us all!

Jiwon, I get why you're showing him Hyunsoo's bag. I know you're trying to garner a reaction out of him so you can catch him, but you still don't know the truth of it all. You don't know everything or what all has happened to him. I know you're a detective, but stop trying to catch him and try to understand and learn all of his truths and his past before condemning him for something he hasn't done. Yes, he lied to you about his true name for 14 years, and a past that he wanted to keep buried, but you keep getting more and more proof that he was not a murderer and it's him that's showing you this.

Instead of trying to shake a reaction out of him, continue to do your digging and investigating in secret. And poor HS... his heart is aching and racing and he's going into a bad anxiety attack over all of this. It's clear this poor man has some serious mental health issues going on. Not just a personality disorder, but anxiety and panic, possibly even depression since it was stated he suffered from it as a child... he's losing his safe place. It's slowly burning and about to crash right before his very eyes... Please, Jiwon. Please keep looking. He's innocent. You've got to learn that he's innocent. If anything, Hyunsoo is the victim overall.

The scene with the younger him and his sister... he was able to tell she's feeling anger. I don't think he completely lacks the ability to tell/feel emotions but that they've been so heavily repressed for so long that he's likely forgotten/been brainwashed into becoming unfeeling or not understanding certain emotions. But you can tell in their scene alone how close he is with his sister, and how much he loved his mother and misses her. Do you think he witnessed their mother being murdered? I wonder... The cage in that basement... did he see his mother in there? Was HE put in there? Did his father "punish" him in the basement? Not making him copy stuff, but go inside that cage and be tortured in there by his father? Haesu was eager to tell him "Just respond okay to whatever dad says" so he didn't have to copy the Myeongsim Bogam. I don't think he copied anything. I think he was taken into the basement and bad stuff happened in there and possibly happened in that cage.

Okay... now to the last scenes of the episode... the scenes where Jiwon wants Hyunsoo to come with her to the crime scene. Revisiting his past. The place where horrible things happened to him that has caued him very obvious and severe trauma, the place where his father performed various serial killings, the place where his mother died, all of it... I love Jiwon. I understand what she's doing. I understand her, but I don't like it. She pushed him FAR too hard here. I know she's desperate to get to the truth, but trying to force "Hyunsoo" out of him was far too painful to watch.

Joongi needs to be HIGHLY praised for his acting here. When they go into the basement, it's clear that he's experienced something truly traumatic in there. You see him really start to lose at as soon as she starts playing that tape recorder. A woman humming, a woman who sounds sad and near tears as Jiwon stated. Was this woman his mother?? Going back a few scenes, we see Hyunsoo reacting when the Chinese restaurant owner removes the earbud from his ear. Threatens to break the man's arm. But when you watch him listening, he seems so at peace, calm, quiet and gently smiling. It's clear this is soothing for him. I really believe that this is the voice of his mother singing to him.

When he asks her why she's playing it, he starts to tremble, his voice is shaking and she just keep pushing and pushing... pushing all of his past traumas, heartbreak, fear, everything onto him and this scene alone confirms 100% that he is suffering from SEVERE PTSD. And yet here he is, trying so hard to keep calm and be polite toward her, telling her he'd like to leave. I understand why she's doing what she's doing, but it was too much. I screamed at the screen "STOP HURTING HIM! HE'S HAD ENOUGH PAIN!" The man is a wreck, he's distraught, he's traumatized, he's in pain, and he needs to leave. He needs to get away because this is too much for him. AND JIWON HAS A GUN AND WAS PLANNING TO SHOOT HIM!? OKAY COPPER WTF!?

And here she is continuously pushing him over the edge, pushing him to the brink. Her inner monologue is even "Do Hyunsoo. Show yourself. Make a choice. What you choose today will determine our future." And yes, his hand was at her throat, but he literally just THREW this man into a pit of reliving his past trauma, terrors, horrors, nightmares and was on the verge of completely BREAKING him! I don't know if he even realized what he was doing!? Was reliving being choked so his hand went for her throat? He's WHIMPERING, he looks about to break down into tears, and you see his hand slip to her shoulder and he is now in a full blown panic attack, cannot breathe (can he also not breathe because he was once choked down there? Abused down there? Tortured down there by his father?)

Jiwon. I love you but goodness... He wasn't trying to kill you, woman so put your damn gun away. You literally just threw him into EVERYTHING that could trigger him in the worst possible way without even realizing the damage you just inflicted all over him... This man is in pain. He's in freaking pain. Can't feel emotions my ass. Yes he most certainly can. And he's PLEADING with her. Saying PLEASE let's go. Please get me out of here, please just save me. Jiwon... yes. You were way too hard on him. There are still so many truths you don't know. If your husband was this violent killer like the world has painted him to be, do you REALLY think he would've reacted in the manner that he did?? I mean REALLY? He looked so pale and sickened on the drive home... My heart aches for him. Absolutely and utterly aches.

ALSO MOOJIN KNOWS WHO THE REAL KILLER IS. What's going to happen next!? Haesu is his first love and she just admitted to killing the village head! And now HS needs MJ's help... will he help? He does seem genuinely sorry, to the point that he's given MJ back the tape as well... Will they team up and find the REAL accomplice and get down to the real truth of it all? Also, Jiwon is tracking Hyunsoo... she knows he's at Moojin's apartment now... Ugh. And what is Jiwon burning!? I'm honestly dying to know.

HS knows his wife is closing in on his truths... and he's getting scared now. Because the loving and happy life that he's known now for the past 10+ years is slowly unraveling and he's about to lose it all. I'm praying he doesn't. I'm praying they stay together. I'm praying she helps him and gets him buttloads of therapy and that he gets to stay in his safe place. Cannot WAIT til tomorrow's episode! I can't believe we're almost over halfway through the show already. It's going too fast, but not finding out enough! Haha. Ready for tomorrow’s ep, but that ending caption of them saying their goodbyes as Baek Heeseong and Cha Jiwon stabbed me in the heart. No. Please don’t break up my couple. It hurts. T_T

#flower of evil #lee joon gi #moon chae won #do hyun soo #cha ji won #baek hee seong #lee joongi #lee jun ki #lee junki #moon chaewon #do hyunsoo #baek heeseong #episode 7 analysis #i might write more later #i need to sleep now

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monstermash · 3 years

Note

for the song asks, 3, 8, 14 & 36? :)

THANK YOUUUU [mario voice thats also the voice lady gaga makes in the beginning of that one song i think its a-yo] here we go :)

3. a song that reminds you of summer - okay so on ONE side of things we have desert song by mcr because i had a massive depressive episode last summer XD and listened to that song on a loop while sitting wide awake fully dressed in the empty bath tub with all the lights off all night every night. but also regarding the SAMe last summer wake the dead by the used which i listened to on a loop while i went on a run one single time. as far as Summer Vibes and not just my own word association: summer girl by haim, ryan beatty powerslide, carly rae jepsen entire discography, ice cream by mika. :)

8. the best song from your favorite album - its literally IMPOSSIBLE for somebody with as huge of a brain as me to pick a favorite album so like. heres a few. carly rae jepsen when i needed you off the 2015 album e*mo*tion. ezra furman suck the blood from my wound (happy birthday best album of all time). sir babygirl haunted house. laura jane grace china beach

14. the last cd/album you bought - okay so something VERY sad is that i apparently got rid of all my fucking cds one of the times that i moved in the past three years BUT the last cd i bought was a used copy of danger days in like 2013 <3 it went in my hot pink cd case right across from my black parade cd and i miss it so fucking much

36. your favorite song you’ve heard live - CUT TO THE FEELING BY CARLY RAE JEPSEN!!!!!!!!! very specifically because during that song i got RIGHT up against the barrier and her hand like BRUSHED past mine and i started sobbing. one of the occasions of my life. second best is the chain because when i saw stevie live she did a bunch of like fleetwood mac songs that would be duets and she did them all with chrissie hynde from the pretenders and it made me a lesbian <3

#julez.txt #long post #tox1cgf

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kpopandangel · 5 years

Text

We’ll Get Through This-Optional Bias

Word Count: 1,287

Group: Ateez but really you can choose any bias you want

Warnings: Angsty, implied depression and grief/mental illness, couple of swear words sprinkled in.

A/N: Dealing with something similar to this myself, I found writing this out actually helped me feel a little better. I’m not sure if this could help someone else like me, but if it does please know you’re not alone in dealing with this. Actually this part of the grieving process I think means you’re getting somewhere in your feelings and controlling them. I remember someone told me “healing doesn’t have to be magical or pretty. Real healing his hard, exhausting and draining. Let yourself go through it.”

“Y/N, please understand that we’re only thinking of your best interests right now. We would like you to take some time off and get yourself fixed mentally and physically. You’re a great worker but we feel you should take a break for a while.” You could hear what your boss was saying, hell you could understand it to an extent, but it wasn’t entirely clicking in your brain until you were sat in your car driving home to your cats-and if you were lucky-your boyfriend.

Of course he was at his own job when you got home, working on the choreography with his groupmates and probably having a lot of fun while doing it. You knew he loved what he did and you supported him 100% of the time; even now, when you felt like your world was crashing around you and all you wanted was him to be with you and telling you it would all be okay as long as you stayed where you were in his arms. Just the thought of the words he’d say made you tear up in your car seat until you were crying a huge amount of tears, the droplets the size of your thumbnail. It took all you had to get out of the car, lock it, and make it inside where you haphazardly threw your coat and purse on the ground beside the front door. Your shoes were tossed against the wall in a pile.

You went straight to the bathroom where you turned on the water to scalding hot, turned on the lights and fans, and shut your phone off so you wouldn’t get any disturbances for the next hour or so. “Time to fix myself? What’s there to fix? They knew the battles I’ve been facing...” You muttered softly, feeling more tears welling up in your eyes at the memory of your work basically forcing you to take a temporary leave.

The more you thought about what happened today at work, the worse you felt until you were looking up at the ceiling in frustration, groaning out loud to yourself. You even went so far as to turn your phone back on to distract yourself on your social media apps, wanting nothing more than to calm the raging emotions circulating in your heart and mind. “If there was one thing you could say to your mother up in heaven right now, what would it be? Write it out or speak it out loud for her to hear you.” The first thing you saw read.

You immediately threw your phone away from you and collapsed in the shower in tears, loud sobs escaping you as you tried your best to fight back the panic rising in you. “Fuck! Noooo!” You screamed out, clutching your head in pain.

It had only been a year since she’d passed away, and you were constantly fighting with the emotional turmoil most people chalked up to be grief. Only you know how much more complicated it was in your brain, and no matter what you did, there was nothing really to be done. Luckily you had your amazing boyfriend to support and love you on your bad days as well as the days you felt more like your old self. You knew you had changed significantly since the experience, and half the time you felt it was for the worst instead of the best. But what could you do since you were ‘still going through your grief’ and ‘you’d just need time.’

The pain in your head from the fighting and crying was only getting worse as you gripped your head and started pulling on your hair. ‘Ground yourself Y/N! Think of what you feel, and taste. You know you can’t smell anything right now....you can taste your tears, feel your hair in your grip....grab something!’ You were shouting in your brain, trying to break yourself out of the fear and pain rising in you.

The first thing you were able to grab onto was the tub beside you. ‘Tub! That’s it, that’s the tub you’re in!’ Just the thought of gripping onto the tub beside you was enough to break you out of your episode, and you could feel and hear yourself gasping in breaths of air-even if they were stuttered breaths and very shallow.

“Jagi? You home?!” You could hear the familiar booming voice calling for you.

Instead of calling for him, you looked at yourself in the shower and immediately started wiping at your face to get your tears off. You scrubbed the hell out of your face until it looked like you’d just washed your face and then you quickly turned off the water, forgetting about using soap to actually clean yourself; in all honesty you just felt the need to be out there with him so he could help you calm yourself without seeing you such a mess.

“Y/N there you are!” He called happily, bright grin on his face as he saw your figure standing in the bathroom doorway.

He was about to move toward you and bring you into a hug when he took a good look at your face and actually read your eyes. You should’ve known you couldn’t hide your pain and fear from him. He’s known you almost as long as your mother has been gone. He met you a month or so after she’d passed and has been helping you with your episodes since. “Oh baby....” He whispered, his smiling dropping immediately as he went to wrap you up in his arms.

You sniffled softly and draped an arm across his chest, gripping onto the fabric on his shoulder while burying your face in his chest. “It hurts....it hurts so much.” You finally cried out, voice breaking off in the middle of the sentence.

His heart broke at the sound of your helplessness and his first response to what you said was to slowly back the two of you up until he felt the bed at his knees. “Sssshhhh I’m here, I’m here.” He cooed gently, stroking your hair and gripping your waist tight so you could feel his strength on your back.

Just his arms wrapped around you was enough to help you calm down a little until he was able to lay back on the bed slowly, taking you with him so you were on top of him, still buried in his chest. “I love you. We’ll get through this together okay?” He continued cooing, slowly and gently maneuvering you both until you were at the headrest of your bed, laying on your pillow with him hovering over top of you and encasing you in his body.

All you were able to do was nod against his chest while he hummed and coeed quietly to you to get you to either fall asleep or slowly release him. He ended up having to wait only 2 minutes until you fell asleep and released your grip on him. “Babygirl….we’ll get through this, I promise.” He whispered, kissing your forehead gently.

He stood up quickly and quietly and maneuvered around the room to get you some clothes to change into when you woke up, setting them on the dresser beside you, then climbed into the bed next to you with the remote to the tv. He turned on the television and played his favorite show as he then patiently waited for you to wake up. Until then, he pulled you into his side and kept an arm placed around you while humming softly to himself, keeping himself semi distracted and you in a peaceful sleep. God how you loved this man holding you so tightly.

#ateez #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez seonghwa #ateez hongjoong #ateez yunho #ateez san #ateez yeosang #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez jongho #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #waterfallsandrosebudsworks #kpop au

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typicalmidnight · 5 years

Text

Episodes

Boyfriend!Harrison x Reader

Summary: You have a depressive episode and Haz helps you

A/N: Sooooo I wrote this in headcanon format but basically it’s lazy writing of a blurb in point form so sorry about that and my terrible writing. I just had a depressive episode today and sorta needed to write this. And wow it got long I’m sorry about that it’s 1:30 and I kinda just rambled on and on and oops I’m doing it again okay bye just read.

You and Haz had been dating for a while now

He new a bit about your anxiety and depression but had never really experienced you having a panic attack or depressive episode

You didn’t know how it happened, which of course you never really did when these things would happen, but at one moment you were feeling fine, when you saw something on your instagram feed that made you slightly upset, and there it was

Depression

You weren’t even upset about anything

You really didn’t feel anything at all

Just blank nothing

Lying on your couch unmoving

Of course that was the moment that Haz decided to text you

Haz: Miss you, can I come over love?

You sighed, smiling slightly before feeling blank again

Haz could see that you had read his message and was getting a bit worried

Haz: Love?

Haz: You okay?

Haz: I’m worried I’m coming over

Staring blankly at your phone screen you lifted your arm to text him back even though it felt like it weighed a hundred pounds

Your fingers didn’t seem to have much feeling in them so you could barely reply

Y/N: Mhm

Minutes later you heard a knock on your door but as it was too much work to open it you just groaned as loudly as you could from your place on the couch

“Love?”

You could hear Haz’s voice from outside of the door

The lock clicked open and you let your head fall to the side so you could see your boyfriend walking in the door

“Hey darling, whats wrong?”

You couldn’t move or doing anything more than pout and groan

He came to sit beside you, stroking your hair

“Sweetheart what’s wrong, I’m worried about you. Are you sick, did something happen?”

“Dprsgnsh”

“Huh?”

“Depression” you mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear

“Awwwwww babygirl how can I help?”

“Dunno”

“C’mon pretty girl I’m gonna make you some tea and then you’re gonna get into bed and we’ll have a Harry Potter movie marathon, how’s that sound?”

“Mmm thanks Hazzy”

He got up from the couch and busied himself making you some tea

You weren’t paying much attention but when you next looked up you saw Haz hovering over you with a smile, holding one of his hoodies and a cup of tea

He held out his hand trying to pull you up but you wouldn’t budge

With a sigh he put down your tea and the hoodie, lifting you off the couch

“Here we go love, I’ve got you”

Laying you down on your bed he popped in the first Harry Potter movie and went to grab the hoodie and tea

When he came back he helped you pull the hoodie on and lay you back down on his chest

One arm wrapped around your waist and the other stroking you hair as he pressed soft kisses to your head

“M sorry you’re feeling like this baby”

“Thank you for everything Hazzy, you’re really the best”

#nothing else cause i'm feelin lazy #GOD I BET THIS WAS SHIT #lovely haz osterfield #harrison osterfield

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simple-skarsgard · 6 years

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The Balcony Scene

Requested; no Prompt: Bill brings you away from the ledge. A/N: I’ve been working on requests, but have been extremely depressed lately and been wanting to write a piece like this as vent writing and I figured some of my followers may need this to. If you’re sad, I’m sorry. I hope this piece helps you in any way and brings you some comfort and I’m glad you’re alive to read this. Keep fighting my lovelies. Warning: Suicide Attempt, Mentions of self harm (It has a happy ending, but I am in no way romanticizing mental illness. I just used this to make myself feel okay and anyone who can relate.)

It was cold. The night was beautiful, but so sad. It’s bitter winds biting into your warm, flushed, tear-stained cheeks as your eyes looked over every midnight city light adorning the buildings all around you.

You were sat on the cold concrete edge of the balcony to yours and Bill’s current hotel room. Despite being wrapped in a robe and having easy access to the warmth of a coat in your luggage, you remained planted there. The gentle breeze caressing your loose hair, making you occasionally tuck it behind the curve of your ear.

The night may have been quiet..calm.. still.. but it was anything but peaceful. Not within the emptiness aching in your chest or the thoughts endlessly stuck on loop with thoughts you’d much rather not have welcomed if you had a choice in the matter.

Looking down between your legs to the far beneath busy streets that were twenty floors under you, you were wondering what it would feel like just to let go.

No. You would never..

Your hands tighten around the fabric of your robe before letting go to grip the edge, daring yourself to scoot closer just to have a better look..

Just leaning in further made your heart race, palms begin to sweat and fingertips tremble.

You close your eyes and take a shaky breath before reaching over to the nearly empty bottle of vodka to your right. Tilting it back to your lips you take a long drink, feeling the fire run down the back of your throat and the stinging sensation followed in your chest and depths of your tummy. It made you numb to the coolness surrounding you with the exception of it running over the wetness of your cheeks being the only reminder that no amount of warmth brought by alcohol- or anything of that matter- could warm the coldness inside you.

Bill made you happy, so happy that you’d actually learned to love and let yourself be loved. He’d been such a big help in your last few years together in maintaining your mental health the best he possibly could from where he stood. He was always looking to make sure you were okay, offered anything to make you feel better. Whether it ranged from candies and sweets to love making to crying yourself to sleep in his arms.

A lot of the time you felt you didn’t deserve such an amazing man, but hell you had him and were grateful and felt lucky to have found a love people only believe existed in movies or books.

He’d been such a big help in your recovery, but recently the thoughts were starting to come back. Things were starting to get bad again and you had no clue as to why this hell was beginning to weigh on you when it seemed you’d finally managed to be the happiest you’ve ever been.

It’d been so long since such a terrible episode that you didn’t want Bill to become annoyed with your sudden step back. You didn’t tell him you went back to the razor blade. You didn’t tell him when you were sad. You were pushing him away, afraid if he were to see the freshly etched scars in your thighs or stomach or shoulders that he’d leave.

He wouldn’t want to do it all over again with you, there was no way someone could have that much will power to deal with you for so long. That’s how it felt. That nobody would ever want to help you pick yourself back up after several dozen times of failing.

A sob building in your throat escaped and more tears scurried down your cheeks as your shoulders shook and you tried to silence your already silenced pain even further. You shook your head to yourself as if saying there was no way you could possibly keep doing this to yourself. No way you could possibly keep doing this to Bill.

It’d be easier to jump.

You drank the last several gulps of your drink all in one go and hissed at the stinging burning into your insides before you dropped the bottle to the balcony floor, hearing it clatter and roll to a stop.

Drawing in a long breath you tighten your hold on the edges of the ledge and wiggle your toes preparing to take the leap.

A door creaking open came from not far behind you.

“(Y/n)?” Bill’s voice came into your hearing and suddenly the urge to jump before he could stop you grew increasingly fast.

Bill peeked his head from behind the door and saw your back to him on the balcony ledge and for a second he feared he was too late,but to some relief you were planted still.

“(Y/n),” he rushed in, but knew not to get to close out of fear that you’d jump if he did. He took cautious steps as if walking on a mine field and one wrong step would cause a disaster that nobody would want to be apart of.

“Sweetheart,” his hand was reaching out in motions of gesturing for you to slow down and hear him out, trying to ease you down even if you weren’t looking at him,”Don’t do anything drastic, please.”

You didn’t do anything but turn to face him and saw him flinch as if he could already see you falling off, but you looked at him with empty eyes.

“Hey,” your voice was flat, but broke as your forced a dry smile,”How was the audition, honey?”

“(Y/n),” he was trying so hard not to show his fear in his voice, but failing just as hard.”Let’s talk, sweetheart, yeah?”

“Talk about what, Bill?!” You snapped, making him immediately stop. He was several feet from you and suddenly everything was crashing down on you.

“Talk about how I’ve been feeling like the worst person alive for the last few months and have been hiding it from you because you don’t need me in your life?!” the sobs were racking your body so hard, Bill was afraid you’d fall without even making the decision yourself.

“That’s not true, (Y/n),” even in this situation his voice was stern and solid. Like he couldn’t be more sure of this fact than anything else in the world.

“It feels like it is,” you sobbed and shook your head,”I feel like I’m bringing you down and you could be so much happier without me and I don’t understand why I’m feeling this way when all you’ve ever done was be so good to me. So good to me.”

It was always a cruel sense of humor to think you’d have someone to prove their love to you day in and day out in ways you never even considered possible and still question your value to them or if they meant what they said or did.

“(Y/n), please just get down baby please we can talk this out however you want just please get down from there,” the tears in his eyes were becoming impossible to hold back as he dared to take a step closer. “You know I’ll listen to you over and over day and night if I have to.”

“But you don’t deserve to be put through that,” your lips were quivering and voice straining,”you shouldn’t have to be doing all this for me just because I can’t be strong on my own. You deserve to be happy.”

“You make me happy, (Y/n),” his body held back at seeing your unconscious grip loosen from the edge. “Please don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to us, babygirl. You’re everything to me.”

You heard his words, but said nothing in return to give him a chance to talk to you. Seeing the fear and sadness in his eyes was making you doubt your decision.

“You’re so important to me and you’ve made me grow in ways I don’t even understand..”

He was crying now.

“The day I met you , I never knew that so far down the line you’d mean the world to me and I’d be lost without you here. I need you here and alive and to keep fighting, because I’m selfish and wouldn’t be okay without you by my side.”

You had been distraught while looking down at your hands while he was speaking you didn’t notice how much closer he’d gotten.

“I know you’re sad and I know you’re in so much pain and I wish I could take it all away from you, but I can’t and it terrifies me more than anything in the world that I have no control over the thoughts that tell you you’re not good enough,” he was steps away now.

“And if anything were to ever happen to you, I would never forgive myself for losing the most beautiful woman I could ever have the greatest good fortune of calling mine.”

Suddenly he wrapped his arms around you tight and threw himself backwards so you both landed on the floor. Though he made sure to protect your head when you landed and pressed your harder into his chest as your muffled crying grew quieter.

You sobbed loudly against his chest as he held you tight laying on the floor and he cried with you, kissing your forehead repeatedly.

‘Don’t you ever do that to me again,” he sobbed while gripping your hair tightly as if he was afraid of letting go..because he was. ‘Please don’t ever do that again, please.”

His own sobs had him trembling like a scared puppy and all you could do was hug him back and cry apologizing over and over for not knowing what came over you.

He shook his head as his tears fell and all he could do was be so glad to have you breathing in his arms even if you were crying your soul out. He wouldn’t have made it without you, there was no way he could be without you.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” your broken breathing shook you violently as Bill suddenly pulled away to cup your face and kiss you tenderly.

Pressing his forehead to yours as the two of your cried all he could do was whisper I love you’s and I care about you’s.

‘It’s going to be okay,(Y/n), I promise.”

A/n: I dont know how to feel about this. it didn’t turn out how i;d imagined and I didnt expect to be crying either, but if you’re feeling down, please hang in there! You are doing such a good job of fighting this war and I believe in you and I am so fucking proud of you for being alive.

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writemesomewordlove · 7 years

Text

Today’s Word Porn...Whatever I Wrote on the Plane

“So what’s the latest scoop between you and Michael?”

“We’re trying to mend things. It’s going well actually. He’s been a lot more open about things and I learned that before we broke up, I didn’t really know a lot about him actually. So I’m learning all these things about him.”

“And…?”

“Just makes me love him even more.” Eska smiled at him.

Phillip snorted. “Girl please, like anything could ever make you not love him.”

“Hey, if he cheated on me, had orgies or just went on a sex-brigade with a bunch of women that were not me, that would be more than enough reason to leave him!”

“Well it’s good to know you’re not complete in a daze. I just needed to make sure.”

“Hey give me some credit here. I left him in the first place didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did. But now you two are talking. And after how you were the first time--” “It’s going to be different. And there won’t be a second time.” She said softly. “He’s already showing a difference Phillip.”

“And is it a real difference or just what you think you’re seeing?”

“It’s a real difference.

Phillip gave her a skeptical look, but it was also lenient for the sake of his friend. He packed the bowl efficiently before passing it to her along with a lighter. “First hit is yours, my love.” He grinned.

Eska looked at the bowl and then at him. “I don’t know...I’m a teacher now. It hasn’t happened yet but I am sure they drug test us at some point. Randomly even.” “Esk, after the weeks you’ve had you could this. It’ll take the edge off a little bit. If anything, it will allow you to sleep without too much...thinking.” He said it gently and she knew what he meant. It was hard to quiet the chattering monkeys in her mind. The thoughts went rampage just as she would lie down for bed. And just when thought they stopped, the image of her mom came to mind. It tended to always warp to the last three months leading up to her hospitalization and then her death. The thoughts tempted her into playing the “what-if” game. It was hard not to give into it and by the time she realized she had been, she was in pain. The kind of pain of longing for the one person she will miss more than anyone and anything for the rest of her life. Having her mother for only twenty-four years, the first four not really counting since she had been a baby, just wasn’t fair.

“Eska?” Phillip’s voice brought her back out of her reverie and she sat up, reaching her hand out and took the bowl. “That’s my girl.” He grinned.

She smiled and held the bowl up to her lips. One finger was on the carb, the other was wrapped around the actual bowl as the pipe end touched her lips. With her other hand,s he flicked the lighter on and lowered the flame onto the potent TLC (THC, oops!) waiting in the bowl, immediately inhaling. When it began to burn, she lifted her finger off the carb and inhaled whatever smoke remained. As Phillip’s motto was, “CLEAR IT!” and Eska certainly cleared it.

Exhaling, she made a face of pain before coughing, putting her hand to her chest. “Oh…”

Phillip watched her with heavy amusement as he took the lighter and bowl back. When she calmed down, she patted her chest and looked at him, smiling a little. “That stuff has not gotten better in taste or smell.”

And to that, Phillip outright laughed; he tilted his head back and closed his eyes, letting out this loud guffaw of sound. The laughter was contagious and Eska started to giggle a little with him. “What?” She asked.

“Of all the things to say...And I should have seen that one coming too because you always say the same thing when you do this after years.” “You should see me drinking alcohol these days. It’s very rare and sparse. I’ll nurse a cocktail for three hours at family dinners.”

“I can believe it. I know you certainly did your partying back in the day. Miss I Go to Sleep at my Own Party Before Everyone Else.” He grinned

“Yeah, remind me to put you on the ban list so you never come to my class and tell these horrific stories to my students.” She laughed.

“Oh come on! They would love you even more.” “It’s true, they would. But I would also be so fired if it ever got back to my boss.” She laughed.

“So they don’t want ex-party girls to be teaching the new youth of America?”

“I know, right? I’m astonished too. I mean the things kids are doing these days...would have put us to shame back in our days.”

It was funny to talk like their teen years had been so far behind them. It really wasn’t. Ten years wasn’t a long time. Not even five years ago when she was nineteen, technically a teenager almost close to her years as an official ‘adult.’ And while five or ten years was really no time at all in some perspectives, the amount of growing up achieved and everything that changed was a testament to that small amount of time. For Eska, it was hard to believe she was one of those depressed teenagers who hated school and thought being random with outbursts was a cool thing. Whenever she thought back to her teenage self, she cringed, covered her face and wished she cold burn the memories from her memory, it was that horrible. She was such a bratty, whiny and pathetic teenager. Now...well the only good thing about ten five or ten years ago was that her mom was still alive. Hell, even a year ago her mom was still alive.

“Hey,” Phillip prompted, passing the bowl and lighter to her.

“Oh, thanks.” “Where’s your mind at?” “Take one guess. I can’t help it.” She looked down, bringing the bowl up and flicking the lighter on, repeating this process for some serious TLC.

After exhaling, she passed it back to him and tilted her head. It was already starting to take effect. “These days, it doesn’t take much of anything to think about her.” “It’s okay to think about her.” “I know...but I wish I would stop.” “Why?”

“Because right now all I can think of about her is how she died, the months leading up and how it all happened. I can’t think of anything before that. I can’t remember her smile, her voice, her laugh or that hilarious face she’d make when she was being cheeky.” She said softly. “When I think of her, it’s all sad. None of it is happy. I feel like I can’t remember the happy. Just the sad.”

“It gets easier.”

“When?”

“With time. It’s just a matter of how you cope with it. Weed helps.” He grinned

She smiled, laughed actually. “I love you.”

“I lurv you too babygirl.”

About an hour and two bowls later, Eska was feeling mighty stoned, to put it bluntly. She and Phillip migrated into his room and she sat back against the pillow, her head resting on the wall and her eyes closed. Phillip lay beside her, watching an episode of Babylon 5. She could hear the Centauri in the background but soon even his voice faded out as she faded into the darkness of sleep.

“No, please. Please, don’t do this. I beg of you, don’t do this!”

“You leave me no choice. You know too much. And anyways, I just want to.”

“There’s another way. You have to believe there can be another way!” He now held her on the edge of the bridge, a menacing smile appearing but overall his face was distorted.

“I thought there could be but the truth is...with you gone, no one will know of my disgrace.” “Think of the baby.” “Oh I am. The bastard is exactly the reason I am doing this.”

“I’ll disappear! I’ll take our baby and leave and no one will know!”

“But I will.”

He made sure the cement around her ankles, wrists and thighs were stable. They were exactly the things that would make this easy.

“But you’re going to kill me.” “And then I can forget about you.” “Please…” Her eyes were wet with unshed tears, though her cheeks were already stained with earlier tears. “Please…”

He sighed almost dramatically and then pulled her to him but her feet didn’t leave the edge. He kissed her cheek and then whispered into her ear. “You’re only good for one thing.” He pushed her over the edge.

“No!” She screamed, her hand extended out like she could still catch onto him, even as she fell further and further.

Eska came awake all of a sudden, shivering like she had just been dropped in ice cold water, and yet she was covered with sweat.

Sitting up, she pressed a hand to her head and looked over. Phillip was now asleep.

She got out of his bed and walked out of the bedroom to the bathroom. She splashed cold water into her face, slid her hands around her neck around the back of it before coming back to her face again.

Looking into the mirror, she gasped and stepped back, seeing the image and reflection of a drowned woman.

“Help me.” Her speech was garbled, water dribbling out of her mouth.

“No...please…” Eska stepped back again, holding her hands out.

The woman peeled herself out of the mirror and floated toward Eska, sucking her way into her. The impact was gentle but the force shot her back against the door and she slid down, her eyes shooting open.

“You can’t be rid of me. Not until you finish what we started.” She hissed.

“I don’t want to help. I nearly died last time.” “That’s the point. You have to die to understand. And you already did. So now you know…” “Know what?”

“The understanding. What it feels like. And now you know how it felt for me.” “Who are you?”

“The girl who died on that bridge...Or well...beneath it, if you would.”

“What do you want from me?”

“Your help. I want peace.”

“So find it.” “I can’t! Distress…”

“Eska? You alright in there?”

Shaking her head of the cloudiness and the voice, Eska stood up and opened the door. She placed her fingers to her temple and looked to Phillip.

“Hey...you okay?”

She could only hear the screeching. And then it finally stopped, but there was an eerie something in the background of her mind.

“Do you hear that?”

He listened, but heard nothing. “What?”

Looking up at him, she dropped her fingers from her temple to her side and shook her head. “Nothing. I’m fine.” She nodded her head. “Can you take me home?”

“Yeah, of course. Come on.”

Eska took a look back at the mirror and she slowly smiled, slightly waving her fingers at her new reflection. At her new friend.

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