#it needs to happen i need it to breathe life into me all over again

[phyrestartr]

PR Stunt (Only, Right?) | Sukuna/M!Reader

W/C: 6.9K (oh god lol) #NSFW, fingering, implied fucking, bottom!reader, top!sukuna, angst, fluff, smut, happy ending, Sukuna owns a body shop, reader is an actor, kinda meet cute, ABO dynamics, mpreg, yes there are always babies involved because i love dad sukuna, surprise baby, sukuna is a dickhead (what else is new), Gojo is an actor, Getou is a manager/agent, Toji is a stunt coordinator, Jin is a teacher tags: @kamote-kuneho @better-imagination-9 @flowersatwork @watyousayin 

“Did you sleep with (L. Name) (F. Name)?” 

The question caught Sukuna off guard; normally, Uraume didn't inquire into his personal life in regards to who he had and hadn't slept with. They were a friend, yes, but moreover they were the bookkeeper and helped with securing clients and arranging meetings–celebrities and their managers were fucks that Sukuna didn't like negotiating with. Best to leave the yapping to someone with a cooler head.

“Where the hell did that come from?” Sukuna asked as he rolled out from under the newest commissioned vehicle. 

Uraume walked to him, iPad in hand, and turned it to him, stone cold. 

Sukuna sat up straighter and squinted at the screen, annoyed. You’d probably just made up some salacious rumour and spread it throughout your friend circles; or worse, you wanted revenge on him for something he probably definitely did. In that case, Sukuna could somewhat understand. But still–

(Name) putting on weight? What’s happening to the former bombshell babe of Japan?!

Pregnant with a baby boy?! The secret's out!

(Name) returns to the stage after giving birth to a baby boy–but who is the father?

(Name) driving a Ryoumen Sukuna rescue vehicle?! Could he be the deadbeat dad we've been looking for?

Sukuna sucked his teeth after skimming over the article titles presented to him. 

“...No proof.” 

“Ah. Then please explain this,” Uraume requested, still polite as ever, as they flicked to an additional few images the scumbag paparazzi had caught of you. 

One was the car mentioned. Sukuna remembered it like it was yesterday–the joy of restoring a Porsche 911 back into its former glory was unmatched. You happily paid for all the parts and too often swung by to see the progress being made on the old thing. Obviously, Sukuna was more than happy to oblige. 

The next was of you holding a little nugget of a baby against your chest as you walked down a street in Shibuya. Nothing too damning, nothing too inspirational. 

But the last one–

“The fuck?” Sukuna mumbled as he snatched the iPad from Uraume’s hands and zoomed in on the now-toddler sitting with you in that damn Porsche, grinning brightly beside his mum while you ruffled his hair. His very, very pink hair. 

Sukuna took a breath while he thought. He didn't have to think too hard, though, not when he still dreamed about you and the short-lived fling between the two of you. 

“A Porsche 911, huh?” Sukuna grinned as he looked over the rusted beater of a car. He could still see scraps of its former glory, of the beautiful thing she used to be. Heaven knows she would've become an irreparable hunk of junk if you hadn't bought it from a scrapyard. 

“Yep.” You beamed. “So you think you can make her pretty again?” 

“You kidding? I'd pay you to let me fix this thing, baby.” Sukuna caught sight of your security stepping forward, but you waved them off without a second thought. 

Sukuna smirked. “But it’s not gonna be cheap.” 

You nodded. “Well, do what you have to. I'll pay whatever you need, handsome.” 

“Yeah?” Sukuna asked, looking your neatly-manicured appearance up and down; you were dressed like you were meeting someone of great importance (and you were, obviously), with your hair groomed perfectly, outfit fit for a premiere, skin flawless. 

“Mhm. And I tip well.” you looked him up and down in kind, grinning as you bit at the nub of your sunglasses.

“Done.” 

Every time you came to check on his progress, genuine excitement flooding in your motormouthed words, you'd go home with him and fuck him silly. 

And now, you were the momma to his baby. Allegedly. 

“I–so what the fuck does this have to do with anything?” Sukuna ran a frustrated hand through his hair after Uraume took the tablet back. “Bitch isn't asking for anything, he's not asking me to be his public fucking baby daddy, not asking me to pay for nothing?” 

“No,” Uraume conceded, “But he and his PR managers have reached out concerning this.” 

The man groaned and stood. “Fucking hell. Can't stand fucking PR teams. The fuck did they want?” 

“They want to make a statement about Touma's father.” 

Sukuna froze.

“Touma's a good name for a boy, right?” 

You asked the question so suddenly, so out of nowhere in the quiet of the afterglow. The city lights sparkled and winked at you both through the towering windows keeping you safe from the outside world. In hindsight, Sukuna would wonder if the city was excited for him. For you. 

“What, for a mutt?” Sukuna drawled, puffing on a blunt while he played with your hair and drowned in the tingles left in the wake of fingers drawing circles on his bare chest. 

“For a kid,” you chastised with a laugh. “I like Touma. Or Touka for a girl. Ayato's nice, too. Maybe Kazue.” 

“You better not be pregnant.”

“I'm not, I'm not. I'm just getting baby fever, I guess.” You hummed and left a sweet kiss against his tan skin. “I guess being around a big, bad boy like you's got me feeling domestic.” 

Sukuna laughed, dazed and happy. “You wanna ruin this pretty lil’ body for a fucking kid? Be my guest. Just don't come looking for a booty call after you've ruined yourself like that.” 

“Oh, don't worry,” you cooed. “I won't.” 

Man. Man. 

“A statement.” 

“In other words–”

“I'm not the fucking father.” 

“This might be a good way to get Yorozu off your case,” Uraume suggested, and Sukuna perked up. 

“Right. She fuckin’ hates kids.” 

“So, if you were to have a son, and it's revealed you've been quietly trying to make things work behind the scenes with (Name), then hypothetically–”

“I'll take the runt.”

Truth is out–Ryoumen Sukuna is the father, (Name) tells fans on social media!

Sukuna hated seeing that shit. The circus celebrities had to dance through used to be funny until he somehow got swept up into it. Until he suddenly had a baby boy that looked so much like him and so much like you. 

He spent too much time on your socials, scrolling through promotion posts and photos of you at red carpet events and premieres–and then he remembered you had a private account. One that you said he could follow. One that he never followed.

Sukuna rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling as he sulked in bed. Was he really about to sacrifice his pride for this? Was he seriously gonna request to follow your personal account just moments after articles dropped and tweets were sent about him being the baby daddy? Could his pride take it? 

Fuck me. This shit is highschool. 

He requested to follow, and not even a minute later, you approved it. 

That had him interested. Did you want him to follow? Did you want him to be part of his little guy's life? Were you feeling a rush of anxiety and excitement like he was right now? 

“Get over it, you fucking idiot,” he mumbled to himself before scrolling through your photos. 

There was so much more here. So many photos of you pregnant, of Touma when he was so ridiculously itty bitty, of when you were recovering in the hospital, looking worn out and exhausted, but still beaming as you held your little boy. 

There were photos of his first birthday and the cute…rustic cake you'd apparently made yourself. Your agent, Getou, was there, as was one of your fellow agency mates, Gojo, along with some other folks Sukuna did and didn't recognize. 

Of course, his boy–your boy lit up the centre, eyes glittering with the reflection of sparklers and the warmth of a good, safe home. He was happy. The boy–his boy–your boy was happy. 

Then he called you. He couldn't help it, not anymore.

Sukuna paced around his penthouse, sipping on his spiked coffee and trying to desperately control his…nerves? Alpha instincts? Excitement? Fuck, he didn't know. But he was full of whatever it was, and it drove him nuts.

“Hi!” You answered as you picked up, so full of life as usual. “Been a while. How're you? What's up?” 

Sukuna felt so, so old suddenly. Why were you so awake in the morning? 

“Think you can spare some of that pep in your step for me?” Sukuna asked. He smiled when he heard you laugh on the other line. “Dunno how the hell you're so awake in the morning.”

“Well, I don't party or work on cars until the crack of dawn,” you purred back, so sweet and teasing. Sukuna almost got hard. Ugh. Ugh. What the fuck was wrong with him? 

“Hah? What, you sayin’ I'm irresponsible ‘n make shitty choices, babe?” 

“Absolutely.” 

“Tch. Omegas.” 

You snickered again before cutting to the chase: “So, you're calling about my Touma?”

Sukuna swallowed. “Yeah. Gotta say I'm pretty fucking confused.”

“Yeah, I get it.” He heard you shift in bed, triggering a rumble of grumpy noises from your little one. You hushed him gently and apologized before the small, crackly purring resumed faintly in the background. The thought made Sukuna's heart ache.

“What do you wanna know?” 

Sukuna inhaled deeply. “Why'd you keep it?” 

“I wanted him,” you said. “Next question.”

“...When did you know?” 

“Mmh…I guess about a week or two after we stopped hooking up.”

“And you didn't say shit?” 

You went silent for a moment, and Sukuna felt his nerves tingle and prick. He wasn't anxious. He wasn't feeling betrayed. It wasn't any of that. Absolutely not. 

“I guess I got cold feet,” you admitted. “I don't--I know how many baby daddy accusations you get, y'know? I didn't want you to think I was just trying to get you to pay me out or something.” 

Oh. Okay. That made sense, actually. 

Too many omegas and women Sukuna fucked around with pointed the finger at him if they caught some sort of STI or fell pregnant; even if it was months after fucking, Sukuna would be suspected of fathering the pregnancy of a newly-pregnant, ex-partner he hadn't seen in eternities, and the media would run to the ends of the earth with it. He was the infamous bad boy the media circuit loved to prey on. And Sukuna didn't really care for it–not until now. Not until those fucks ruined his opportunity to be a dad. 

“Fucking–” Sukuna sighed and put his mug down to rub his face. “Shit. Shit. Fucking media bastards. Fuck.”

“I need to get my car tuned,” you said.

Sukuna deadpanned. “Read the fucking room, babe, we're not–”

“Do you want me to bring Touma?” You finished, undeterred by the alpha's grouchiness. “So you can meet him? I think he'd like that.”

Oh. Oh. Ouch. His heart–was Sukuna about to die? Why'd his chest hurt so much? What the fuck? 

Sukuna cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. “I–yeah? Yeah. Alright.” 

“Okay, cool. When's your next–” 

“Tomorrow.” He cleared his throat again and scratched at the back of his neck. “Any time.” 

You stifled a laugh poorly. “Don’t be nervous, Sukuna.” 

“M'not. Fuck you.” 

“I can do tomorrow. Let's saaay…1pm?” 

“Yeah, sure. 1pm.”

You rolled up at 12:59pm. 

Sukuna had the garage open, everything tidy and ready to go like he actually gave a fuck about tuning your car when his literal fucking son was about to be in his presence. But he was so not nervous. Definitely not fucking nervous. Nope. Nuh-uh. Never. 

You stepped out of the car and Sukuna felt his heart jump; you looked the same as you did last time he saw you. You were dressed more casually, though, done up in joggers and runners with a university hoodie to top it all off. Clearly, you didn't care to impress today. 

You threw Sukuna an easy smile before pulling open the back door and taking care in plucking your chubby bunny from his car seat. All the while, Sukuna wandered closer and closer, but maintained a respectful distance just in case your momma bear came out to bite. He knew you had an impressive temper when your easy-going self got pushed too far, and he would rather not bring that out right now. 

“Pa!” Your son yipped as soon as he got up into your arms. “Puh Pa!” 

You melted immediately, punching Sukuna in the gut with your happy scent of maple syrup and cardamom as the little one nuzzled up to you, repeating variants of “pa!” as he rubbed his chubby cheeks and snotty nose against your neck and face to get that perfect scent onto him. 

“You're so sweet, bunny,” you cooed and adjusted him in your arms as you met Sukuna the rest of the way. “Hey, hey! So, did you want to meet him first, or–?” 

Sukuna didn't know what the fuck to do, honestly. 

“I, uh. Car shit first. What needs tuning?” He drawled, watching the pup clinging to you with rapt attention. 

Admittedly, Sukuna didn't really pay attention to what you were saying and what you were gesturing to; he was too captivated by the faint wisps of scent he caught from your little one. He smelled of smoke and syrup–a perfect combination of his parents’ scents. 

And he just looked so much like the both of you. Touma's skin tone tilted more your direction, but the glowy, bronzey quality that Sukuna brought to the table still shone through in its own weird way. His eyes were almond-shaped like his own, but bore the same, welcoming colour of yours. And, fuck, his hair was just a perfect match to Sukuna's. If the little shit got Maori tattoos too, he'd be a tiny carbon copy. 

Damn. Speaking of–would his mom wanna meet the little shit? Her grandson? Would she ever bother leaving Hawaii to–

“You get all that?” You asked. 

Sukuna stared at you. “Get what?” 

You pursed your lips like you so often did and turned to the big, bad alpha. 

“Maybe we should do the meet ‘n greet first, huh?” You swayed a little and kissed Touma awake. “Baby, you wanna meet a friend?” 

“Buh!” Touma exclaimed. You gently guided his little face to look at Sukuna, and the boy looked star struck staring up at the absolute unit that was Ryoumen Sukuna. 

“Touma, this is Sukuna.” You closed the gap between the two of you a little more, and Sukuna leaned down to look at the little one. His little one. 

Sukuna twitched a smile as he looked over the little thing. “You sure this thing’s mine? Looks a little small.” 

You laughed. “If you were born as big as you are, I’m so, so sorry for your mother.” You nuzzled Touma’s little cheek and bounced him a little. 

“Wuh!” Touma’s little arms flew up towards Sukuna, and the towering man looked a little more than nervous, looking at the tiny pudgy hands like they were deadly weapons. 

“Come on, don’t look at him like that.” You took Sukuna’s hand and delivered it to Touma. “He’s curious. He hasn’t met anyone as big and tall as you, y’know?” 

Sukuna huffed, but let the little one grab at his fingers and hold his hand. “What, you don’t have another alpha looking after you? Hard to believe that. You're the neediest little bitch I know.” 

“Stop. I'm not Yorozu,” you huffed, and Sukuna cringed at the name. “He has alphas around, sure. But not big ones like you–security excluded. It's not like other men want to play nice with another alpha's pup.” 

Sukuna caught the hint of a frown on your face, and his hackles started to rise. 

“Some dumbfuck giving you grief?” Sukuna asked, voice rolling with thunderous promise. He'd kill whatever moron fucked with you and his pup. You just had to drop the name.

You sighed, light-hearted. “You know what the rich and famous are like--we're the worst.” 

Sukuna growled, and Touma mimicked the noise as best as he could with his pathetically teeny tiny crackled voice. Fuckin’ cute as shit. 

“Tch. Don't sell yourself short.” 

“I'm just trying to say I don't need that around my boy, and I sure as hell don't want it around me, either.” You nodded and stepped closer as Touma reached up for Sukuna again. Apparently just holding his hand wasn't doing it for the boy anymore. 

“Good. Don't need those pathetic fucks around the runt–oi, wait, what the fuck're you–” 

“Wup, wup!” Your son shrieked as you helped bully Sukuna into holding him.

“He wants uppies.” 

“Uppies,” Sukuna balked.

“He wants you to–okay, you're bad at this–don't hold him like that! Here, do it like–” you cut off as you helped Sukuna get a comfortable hold on Touma while the littlest one squirmed and squeaked in delight, trying to climb up onto Sukuna's shoulder but failing miserably. 

Sukuna twitched a smile as you sighed, exasperated by the ball of energy trying to scale the mountainous man. But he got a hold of him, tucking his arm under his butt and holding his back to make sure the little shit didn't go plummeting to the floor. 

“You give your ma hell, huh? I can get behind that,” Sukuna hummed. His son's little hands papped at his face, grabbing at his nose and jaw–specifically over the dark tattoos streaking along the curves and cut of his features. 

And you smiled the entire time. You pursed your lips tightly to hide it, but you did it so poorly. You always did. Maybe it was on purpose. 

“So, can I tell you about my car problems now?” 

Sukuna held onto his runt while you explained what flaws, either cosmetically or mechanically, were bothering you. It mostly consisted of slight dents from other assholes not knowing how to park, paint scratches, and more of that sort. As a fellow car guy, Sukuna could understand the anguish of having a favourite baby get all dinged up. 

“Not hard to fix,” Sukuna decided. He held the hood up with one hand and looked over the motor–everything looked clean and well-maintained. He was almost impressed. “But, well, it'll cost ya. Uraume can send the details.” 

You nodded. “Sure, sure, sounds good. I'm never taking this thing on the road again after it's fixed. Too many fucking idiots out there with piss poor driving skills.” 

The mechanic smirked. “Ho? So beating up your car is what makes you start cussin’, huh? Noted.” He let the hood fall closed and adjusted his hold on the now-sleeping tot. “Couldn't even get you to do that in bed.” 

“Psht, don't say that in front of the baby, Sukuna, jeeze,” you sighed and rubbed your face. “Babies remember more than you'd like to know.” 

“Huh. You think he'll remember when he got–” 

“No, he won't remember his inception.” You laughed and shook your head, but paused when you saw smears of concealer on your fingers and tutted. 

“How long's the car gonna take? Should I get a rental?” You asked before the man could comment.

“Probably, if you want me to detail this thing right,” Sukuna mumbled. He reached out and turned your chin back to him, looking at the spots concealer missing, hinting at dark circles under your eyes. 

Your face grew hot, but you nodded and cleared your throat. “Yeah, okay. I'll, uh. I'll call someone to pick us up–” 

“I'll take you home.” 

You brightened the slightest bit. “Yeah? I–okay.” You pulled his hand from your face and smiled. “I'll grab the car seat.” 

Sukuna liked your house. It was a nice mix of traditional and modern with large stretches of woodgrain and bamboo. A neat outdoor garden and pond decorated the front, but a bigger, more lush collection of tropical plants greeted guests. It was beautiful, if one was desperate to be in nature. 

“I'm just gonna get him to bed, be one second.” 

Sukuna nodded and pocketed his hands as he pretended to not watch you trot upstairs with the sleepy cub melting in your arms. You still had a nice ass even after popping that little melon out. Huh. 

He looked around your space more, wandering with slow, lumbering steps. The house wasn't huge by any means, but it was cozy and warm, quiet and hidden away from the city's gaze. That was probably why you chose it–here, you could be honest with yourself. You could shield your babe from the brutality of your career and keep him safe from leering eyes. Honestly, one of the leaves on your giant monstera could hide him from the whole universe. 

Guy's too obsessed with growing shit. It ticked him off, but he didn't know why. 

Maybe it was all the photos of you and Touma. Maybe it was because he wasn't in them and too many other men were in his place, lining your walls in the protection of cheap IKEA frames–but Sukuna didn't want you. No, no, Ryoumen Sukuna did not want anyone. He didn't want you. He didn't need to settle down and–

“You want a glass of wine?” You asked when you came back down the stairs. “It's plum wine. Don't really have any scotch or anything, but I–” 

Sukuna scoffed before a mocking laugh slipped out of him. You paused, looking at him with bleak attention as he shook his head and pocketed his hands. Your request for him to stay pissed him off; clearly, you expected something more from him.

“Whaddaya think is gonna happen here, huh? You think we're gonna fall in love, pick up where we left off, have a happy little fuckin’ family to tell the tabloids about?” 

“What?” You asked. “I never–”

“Didn't have to. Gotta admit, you did a better job than the rest of the whores that tried wrangling me in to–”

“All I asked,” you cut him off, voice quiet but firm, “Is if you wanted wine. I’m not proposing, Sukuna.” 

Sukuna didn’t like that. The whole…not-being-into-him and not wanting him to stick around after he just shut you down. He sucked his teeth and took a breath, about to say something, but you spoke first. 

“I know this is a PR thing. I know how the whole media circus works–you want your ex to stop bothering you, and I want people to stop asking questions about who the fucking father of my son is.” You paused, staring Sukuna dead in his eyes, a quiet, simmering rage boiling just beneath the surface of placid control. 

“Call my manager when the car’s done,” you decided, sounding beaten down and exhausted. “I’ll send someone for it. Thanks for the ride home.”

Next thing the man knew, he was ushered toward the door and stood in the doorway, stuck on the idea of being kicked out of his omega’s–no, no, out of an omega’s house like he was trash. 

“Fucking–wait, just–” 

“What?” You snapped.

“I could–glass of wine doesn’t sound too bad–”

You shoved the bottle into his hands and slammed the door. 

Sukuna tried to sleep it off–as in, he slept around to forget about the crushing weight of rejection collapsing down on him, shattering his chest, spearing his heart with shattered bone. 

You still kept being so fucking nice to him, too. You never slandered him, never spoke ill whenever he was asked about in interviews–you spared his reputation with a kind smile every time you had to talk about him or to him. 

And he was grateful for it, even if he didn't return the favor. It's not like he was on a smear campaign, no, but anytime a hook up would ask about you, he wouldn't give a glowing review, per se. But it wouldn't be scalding either. Just sheer indifference tainted with drops of bitterness stemming from unripe guilt.

It went on like that for months–until you did your parental duties, and set aside your feelings about Sukuna for the sake of your son.

“Uraume, get that,” Sukuna called as his phone rang. He was too busy fucking around under the hood of his latest project to wipe his hands free of grease and pick up himself, obviously.

But Uraume was there for a reason. They picked up the phone with a polite hello before their sharp frigidity melted into rounded edges. 

“(Name)-san,” they hummed. “It's good to hear from you. Do you need to talk to Sukuna-san?” 

Sukuna started wiping his hands off so unbelievably fast. 

“He's working on a car right now. You know how he can be when he's focused.”

“Fucking–piece of shit–what the fuck–” somehow, he got even more grease and oil on his hands thanks to that stupid fucking rag. God, what a nightmare.

“Sure, I can take a message.” 

“Fuckin’ shit fuck, fuck.” He wiped his hands on his designer jeans before running to Uraume and gesturing for the phone.

Uraume's brows raised, and they actually smiled. 

“Ah, hold on, Sukuna-san's here.” 

Sukuna snatched up the phone, ignoring the knowing look glimmering in Uraume’s eyes. Ugh. Ugh. Betas.

“Hey,” Sukuna said after clearing his throat. 

“Hey! Ume said you were working on a car? You didn't have to stop to talk.” 

“Yeah, well.” Sukuna shrugged to himself and kicked a scrapped car part, sending it skittering across the ground and clanking into other parts. Jesus, when did his shop get so messy? “Needed a break anyway.” 

“Ah. You work too hard, you need to take breaks more often,” you laughed sweetly. “So, listen, Touma's birthday's coming up–”

“Shit, seriously?” Sukuna grinned and kicked another chopped part. “Fuck. How old's the little shit turning?” 

“Two! He's growing up so fast, I wish I could slow down time and–” you paused and laughed, suddenly sounding unsure and a bit nervous. “Sorry, sorry, was about to go on a tangent. Anyway, there is a little get-together, but you don't have to come. Satoru and Toji'll be there. But your brother and his son'll be there, too, so it won't suck completely.

“Otherwise, if you want to come see him earlier or something, that's fine, and–and you're not cutting me off and I didn't think I'd get this far so I'm losing the plot.” 

Sukuna huffed. “What, you don't want me to fuckin’ listen, huh?” 

“I know you will since I have such a pretty voice, but I'm surprised you're being a good boy for once.” 

The mechanic rolled his eyes and rubbed his face. Who knows if it was to wipe away embarrassment or fatigue. 

“You’re exhausting.” 

“And you’re a dick.” There was a special brand of teasing bitterness behind those words, but the vibes were balanced perfectly; seemed you were still cranky about what he said, but you were willing to let it slide.

Sukuna chuckled, relaxing the slightest bit. “Alright. I don't know what the fuck kids like at that age, but I'll figure somethin’ out. I can at least show up Jin.” 

“Wow.” 

“Text me time and place. I'll be there.” After a moment, he added, “I’ll bring some plum wine. Fancy shit.”

The hidden rumble of a purr snuck its way out from your side, and Sukuna did everything he could to suppress his alpha's reciprocation.

“Sounds good. See you then, Sukuna.”

Toji answered the door. 

“Hah. Why the hell are you here?” The fuckhead ex-Zenin asked with a stupid, shitty smirk on his dumbass face. 

Sukuna strained not to throw the first punch. He really shouldn't murder someone at his--your son's birthday party. Murder is bad. Murder is bad. 

“Fuck you.” Hey, at least it wasn't murder. “‘M here for my fucking kid.” 

Toji crossed his arms and suddenly looked beyond bored as he leaned against the doorframe. 

“Your kid? You mean (Name)’s kid?” He wondered, putting on a show of thinking. “Weird.”

“You're one to talk. You forgetting what you did to your own brat? You fuckin’--”

“Sukuna!” Your sweet voice called, instantly changing the atmosphere. “Glad you came. Do you–oi, Toji, move, stop bodyguarding. You're not a bouncer.”

“Eh?” Toji stayed in his spot as you smacked at his arm and tried to push him away. “I'm just standing here. Not bodyguarding. Minding my business.” 

“You’re so full of shit.” You wheezed and squeaked as the man suddenly gave way, nearly making you crash into him and plummet to the floor. But you caught yourself and hissed at the dark-haired menace until he whistled innocently and waltzed away. 

“Fucking--why’s he here again?” Sukuna grumbled as you let him in. He leaned down to nose at your cheek with a grumpy, quiet grunt--typical greeting procedures for an interested individual or bonded pair. But the way you choked on whatever you were about to say meant he must've caught you off guard. 

“He's uh–we work together. We've worked together? He was the stunt coordinator for some movies I've been in.” You cleared your throat and took the present bag from Sukuna to place with the others. “And I babysit Gumi sometimes.” 

“Gumi? What the fuck is a Gumi?” 

“Megumi? His son?” Oh. Oh. “I babysit Yuuji too, so. Thick as thieves, y'know?” 

Sukuna nodded a little, thinking hard on the lore. He liked that Yuuji was taken care of by you, but surely that wretched Gumi could go somewhere else. Toji was probably just leeching off of you. 

“Oi, Momma, get in here,” Toji crowed from wherever all the baby giggles and excitement bubbled from in the house. “Your boys need some maternal guidance–” 

“Toji, don't make it weird!” Jin whisper-yelled before going on a long-winded rant about this and that, about proper behaviour and attitudes in front of children (not that the kids were paying attention to anything Toji did). 

You gave Sukuna a tired smile. “Come on. It won’t be that bad, I promise.”

Sukuna sighed, but let you drag him to his demise, bottle of wine in-hand.

But it wasn’t that bad. Not really. 

Your other boys, Gojo Satoru and Getou Suguru, showed up and showered tiny Touma with way too much praise and far too many gifts, but the little shit looked so pleased that Sukuna couldn’t get too annoyed. Shoko and Uraume came by, too, much to Sukuna’s surprise. Uraume brought with them a whole fucking confectionary cake they’d crafted themselves at home. Gojo obsessed over it and Getou tried to reign him in to no avail. 

And the night went on. No one talked shit, not unless it was in good fun, no one got fucking hammered, no one talked about work–it was all about the kids. Nothing else. No one else. 

Sukuna could never guess just how far that truth went.

When everyone left for the night, the alpha could start to see the edges of your smile fraying. But you held on, thanking everyone for the gifts and for showing up for Touma, and especially thanking Jin for offering to let all the little ones spend the night at his place (you and Toji would forever be in his debt). 

Then, when the door closed and all fell silent, he heard you cry. 

Sukuna didn't know what to do about people crying. He never had. Even when he was a kid, he had a hard time trying to comfort people with hugs and words of reassurance–he just couldn't do it. 

“It's okay,” he heard you whisper. “It's okay. It's okay. You're okay. It's okay. I'm okay.” 

Sukuna got up and leaned against the doorway to the kitchen. “Sure about that?”

You jumped and clasped a hand over your mouth to stifle your scream. Sukuna barked out an ugly, reedy laugh while he defended himself from your petty smacks and pinches. 

“You scared the fuck out of me–why're you still even here? Go home! Shoo!” You wiped your eyes once you were done harassing him and turned away, busying yourself with cleaning up dishes and wrapping paper left in the aftermath. 

Sukuna followed you idly, a shit-eating grin still plastered on his face. What could he say? He loved seeing you get all petty and riled up. But he didn't love seeing you cry. He didn't love seeing you try to stealthily wipe tears away, to try and steady your shaky breathing. 

“What’s going on with you, babe?” Sukuna asked as he settled beside you at the sink. 

“It's nothing,” you said with a snuffle. “It's seriously nothing. Sorry, I--you don't need to stay. Or anything.” You sighed and rubbed at your eyes with your sleeve. “You've done your fatherly duties. You're free to leave.” 

“Yeah? ‘N what about my baby daddy duties?” He wondered, voice so horribly low and comforting, like the buzzing crackle of a campfire. 

You laughed, watery and shaky. “You already did everything you needed to, Sukuna.” 

“Come on, don't cockblock me like that.” He gently tilted your Chin his way to catch your eyes just like he had back at the shop all those months ago. “Look at me.” 

You did. Your eyes were red and irritated, whatever pretty boy make up you wore was wiped off and smudged, and those heavy, dark bags met the light in front of someone else for the first time in a long time. 

You still had the gall to laugh it off and pull Sukuna's hand from your face with a small, “I'm fine,” though. 

“Then why the hell are you crying?” He asked. 

You squeezed his hand with both of yours. “Things are just…hard. Overwhelming.”

Sukuna nodded a bit. “That why Jin took the runts tonight?” 

“Yeah. Needed some time, I guess.” You snuffled and wiped your face with both hands before finishing up with cleaning. “Makes me sound like a shit parent, I know.” 

Sukuna couldn’t disagree more. “Least you're not flipping out on the kid. That'd be way shittier, yeah?” 

“I don't know. I guess, but–yeah. I don't know.” 

Sukuna sighed and scooped you up like a new bride. “You're driving me fucking mental.”

“Sukuna–!”

“Quiet.” Your omega indeed piped down at the grouchy command, and you shyly let the man carry you up the steps to find your bedroom. “You're getting some damn rest. You look like shit.” 

You grumbled something Sukuna elected to ignore in favour of tossing you onto a bed the way one might lob a stone into a pond. You landed with a warbled squawk and looked at Sukuna with horribly accusatory, baffled eyes. 

Sukuna quirked a brow as he looked down on you, gladly using his broad build and tall stature to secure your submission. And it worked; the aggravated spark in your eyes curled up and fell silent after a few long seconds. Your head lowered just the slightest bit, too, but your passive gaze remained stuck on him, waiting for his next move. 

“Fine,” you grumbled. 

Sukuna raised his brows and eased onto the bed, caging you underneath him with his solid frame. Your scent flickered with shy playfulness, and Sukuna relished in it. 

“How do I know you're gonna obey, omega?” 

“I guess you don't. Not for certain,” you admitted begrudgingly. 

“Tch. Someone's gotta keep you accountable then, huh?” He nosed at your neck, nearly letting his lips touch your neck but refusing to do so in the same instance. “Make sure you're doing the right thing, make sure you're behaving.” 

One of his hands squeezed at your soft thigh before inching up little by little. Your hands found themselves in his hair as he teased at your joggers’ waistband, pulling the elastic taut before letting it go. 

“Sukuna,” you laughed, sounding a little breathless. “I, uh–I thought you said–”

“Changed my mind.”

“But–”

“Forget what I said and let me make you cum on my fingers, brat.” 

Oh. Well, hard to argue against that. 

You swallowed but gave a meek nod. He ripped your bottoms off and felt up your blazing skin with rough, calloused hands, groping and grabbing in the same spots he liked back when you were hooking up: your thighs, your hip bones, the squish of your stomach. As much as the man harped on about not wanting “damaged goods,” he sure worshiped your body like it was brand new, untouched. 

Sukuna brought his fingers to your mouth, and you took them with utmost compliance. Your tongue worked against his digits thoughtfully and thoroughly for your own sake–a lack of starter lube wouldn't end well, after all. And Sukuna was not the most patient man in the sack.

“See?” Sukuna crowed into your ear as his hand traveled south and a finger sunk into you. “It's not so bad to just behave, now is it?” 

You already felt like you were about to explode, and Sukuna savoured It. He liked being the one to do this to you–the only one for a while, considering how tight and sensitive you were. Any little push or prod inside you brought sweet sighs and soft moans to the surface–and a second and third finger had your hips bucking and your nails digging into his shoulder and back as he finger-fucked you to oblivion while still caging you in. 

“Good omega,” he cooed. “Gonna cum already, huh? Tch, you shoulda said no one’s been taking care of you; I would’ve taken my parental responsibilities more seriously.” His lips and teeth landed on your neck, as you curled up into him, body tensing, heels digging into the mattress, panting and gasping getting louder and faster. The sound made his pants strain even more. 

“Fuck, you smell fucking good. Better than when I fucked you the first time.” 

“I-I forgot you talked so much in bed,” you managed out. “Could you just–shut up?”

Sukuna growled, and you whined. “You want me to shut up, huh? You wanna listen to your slick fucking hole getting spread open, plowed into? You miss me that much, omega?”

“No.” You hissed and clung to his upper arm as he somehow managed to take it up a notch, slipping his fourth finger in and spreading you obscenely wide. 

“I think you did. Think you were hopin’ I’d come around, plow you into the bed again, stuff you full like no one else can.” 

“Sukuna–”

“I’ll fill this hole up all you want, baby–I’ll even stuff another pup in you. Twins. You want that, huh? You gonna be my omega from now on? Creaming on my cock ‘n fingers the way you shoulda been the day you walked your perfect, little ass into my life?” 

“Shut up, shut up, shut up–” you choked on a gasp and bit into his shoulder, soaking his shirt with drool and shuddered mewls while your body tightened and ecstasy hit like the weight of Sukuna’s words–brutal, fast, honest. 

Sukuna moaned in sympathy, ignoring the way his hand and arm cramped and ached to keep pistoning into you and draw out your high. He couldn't help it–something about you drove him mad in that moment. It could have been how you made his ego swell, it might've been the way his greed needed your slick staining his and only his skin, perhaps it could have been a quiet yearning coming from his lonely, hollow alpha. He didn't know. But he didn't question it. 

Your body started to relax with the death grip you had on his shoulder as you came down from the sudden, electric high. Your hips still jolted with every slow, lazy push into your soft hole, though a haze of purring and cooing filled the spot where gasps and moans once did. Eventually, you melted off of him and collapsed onto your back, looking as content as a cat lounging in the sun. 

“Oi, oi, you're not done yet, sweetheart.” But if you said you were done, he might've listened. Just that once. 

You hummed something as you looked up at him, eyes doey and so egregiously lovey-dovey. 

“That's a nice face. Make sure you save it just for me,” Sukuna gently commanded, and you laughed. 

“Demanding. I thought you didn't like used goods.” 

Sukuna scowled. “Shut up.” His free hand traced the stripes of stretched skin left in the wake of bearing his baby boy. “I like ‘em when they're used by me.”

“Does that really make them ‘used goods,’ then?” You murmured as if speaking logic too loud would break Sukuna's entranced obsession of you. 

But maybe, maybe, you had a point. 

“Guess I'll have to think on that.” His fingers slipped out of you and he gave you a wet slap on the ass to wake you up. Your subsequent squeak sure as hell woke Sukuna up. 

“Ow. Gross.” 

“I'm not finished with you, brat. Don't get too fuckin’ content, yeah?” He smirked when you glanced at his crotch expectantly. “You want me to fuck you?”

“Please.”

Sukuna sighed and settled between your legs as he futzed with his belt and button. “Could put up a bit of a fight.” 

“Too tired.” You yawned and stretched with a pleased sigh. “No will to argue.” 

The alpha leaned down to bite at your knee, and you pulled your legs together to avoid his chunky, rude fangs. You knew he'd delight in making you bleed or leaving dark bruises. He was the worst. 

“Still got a little fight left in ya,” Sukuna said with a grin. “Let's see how much more we can find, hm?”

#male reader insert #sukuna x you #sukuna x m!reader #jjk #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #reader insert #ryoumen sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna x reader #jjk smut #jjk x male reader #jjk x y/n #sukuna x y/n #sukuna x reader #sukuna ryoumen x reader #itadori sukuna x reader

[hellodropbear]

like she used to

alexia putellas x sister

i have been writing this for ages and it has just sat in my documents folder since january. i don't usually post stuff i write so this will probably get taken down at some point. i've written 13k words so far but this is just the first 4k.

~~~~~~

I hadn't expected to get the call up, not at all really. But Mapi tore her meniscus and apparently the first team found themselves in need of a backup centre back and I was the best option from the B team. It's a compliment, really. Mami is very proud of me and she is excited for me and my sister to play together in a few weeks, even though she is still recovering from her surgery and I will probably not make it off the bench. I am only 15 and 10 months, usually they wait until you are at least 16 and a bit before you can play. 

But, I don't really know how to feel. Thankfully Alexia won't be in training with me for now and I try to avoid thinking about what will happen when she eventually gets better and I have to face her again.

Alexia is my older sister by a lot. There's a 14 year age gap between us and I used to completely and utterly idolise her. She and Alba were two superheroes, always by my side when I needed them. I put them on a pedestal like they were the greatest human beings to ever walk the planet. To me back then, they were. 

I was only four when my father died. All I remember from that time was the big black invisible sheet that hung outside his study and the dark and scary emotions that swallowed our house whole. Alba and Alexia would argue about who got to cuddle me at night and I was so unaware what was happening that I would happily agree, wiping away their tears when it all got too much. 

The death of our father made our family unit stronger. Mami, Ale, Alba and Elena - it was all any of us needed and we supported each other in whatever ways we could. 

Mami had to pick up more shifts at her job, so she couldn't pick me up from school. Alexia had just got her license so she would come in a break during training and pick me up in her training gear. 

Alexia didn't have time to drop me off at home so I would sit and watch the training with whoever wanted to give me company when they were injured. 

Most days, Alba would come and pick me up and take me on the bus all the way home. She would play cartoons on the TV as she sat at the table and did school work. Some days, when she had the time she would sit with me and watch Alexia's training and we'd all go home together. Alba used to say she enjoyed the training. Looking back, I think she just wanted a free ride home and an excuse to not do her homework. 

As I grew up, everything just worked. Alexia and Alba were still living at home as a support to Mami and everything was perfect. My sisters were my idols, my Mami was my shining star. She still is. She would do anything for her daughters, as long as it meant we were all happy. 

That is why it has been so hard for her over the past two years. 

I have not been happy, not really. My football has been thriving, I have represented my country in the under 17 age group and I am a consistent starter idol the Barcelona B team. I spent two years in La Masia before they sent me to the B team last year and I have only been improving since. Everything is going well. Mami says I have had a better start to my career than Alexia did. 

Maybe that is why Alexia hates me. Maybe Mami is just saying that to make me feel better about it.

Alexia and I, despite the 14 year age gap, were always inseparable - for the first 12 years of my life. She was at every single school event, football game, she picked me up from trainings when she could and would train me herself in the garden. We shared a common passion that Alba was not interested in at all - we both love football, we eat, sleep and breath it. Football is everything. She was the one who gave me that mentality. 

"Football is life, Lena, you are lucky you are so good because now you also get to live football and hermanita, it is the most incredible thing." 

She had whispered that to me when I was 11. We were sat on the beach, a place we visited frequently throughout my childhood, both of us staring out at the reflection of the moon on the sea. Alba was fast asleep, her head in Alexia's lap as she snored lightly, completely oblivious to our conversation. 

It all fell apart over three years ago, although I don't have the first clue as to why. 

It was not an explicit event that ruined everything, more my older sister growing up and flying the nest that was so secure and established over years and years of shared success, happiness, failure and grief. She moved out of home long before that, but her split with Jenni upset her, I think, a great deal. I wouldn't know because she didn't really tell me anything - that was strictly Alba's business. 

I didn't even know they had broken up until 5 months after it actually happened. 

"Mami, why does Jenni never come over any more?" 

It was an innocent and normal question, but the look on my mother's face told me everything. Everything about Jenni and everything about my sister. 

I think that was the first knock. She hadn't done anything wrong but I had loved Jenni and Jenni had loved me. I would have thought that she would have told me they broke up. Maybe she didn't want to, maybe she just forgot. She does a lot of that these days. 

Before she and Jenni broke up, she still came to all of my games. She never missed one game before I transferred to La Masia and would insist on taking me out to ice cream after every one. She would tease me for not scoring like she does, even though I play as a centre back. 

"You need some training from Mapi, she is a centre back and has the most lethal free kick, hermanita! She is the best defender I have played with, but don't tell her I said that. I think you will grow up to be better than her." 

She was excited that day, I had made a few good saves and I think that was the first time she really saw that I had the potential to be great. 

I remember the first game she was late to. I noticed immediately but we both pretended she was on time - she only made it to the last 10 minutes but I put it down as traffic or being caught up at training. She was busy, it takes a lot to be La Reina. 

I remember the first game she missed entirely. She wasn't there at the beginning and she wasn't there at the end. I was 13 and I didn't have a phone yet so I couldn't call Mami and ask her to come pick me up because Alexia was too busy. I told myself it was because she was too busy. I didn't want to say she had forgotten because that was too hard for me to handle. 

I remember vividly sitting outside the stadium as the sun set. My coach had asked where my sister was, I was a bit stuck with what to say but I managed to convince her I was fine and she could go home. 

Alba came and picked me up after work that night. It was dark and she looked sad but when I asked if she was ok, she just shrugged her shoulders and said everything would be fine. 

I found out from Mami a few weeks later that Alba was sad because I had never once been forgotten anywhere. Alba saw that as the destruction of our strong family. I suppose she was not wrong. 

Alexia never said anything about that game but she was at the next. She didn't take me out for ice cream after, instead patting my head and telling me she would drop me off at Mami's work. 

"I have things to do, Elena, I am very busy. Hopefully soon Mami will let you catch the bus on your own. Maybe Alba can take you soon so you know the correct routes." 

Her words hurt more than I could admit to myself, I told myself to stop being pathetic. Mami asked why I was crying when I walked into her office. I told her I had played terribly and she comforted me. I think she knew I was lying. I think that is why she had tears in her eyes when she released me from her grip-like hold.

Since that day, Alexia has been to 3 of my games. She went to one more of my old club games but she was sat beside Alba, her eyes glued to her phone the entire match. I was so unfocused that the ball deflected off my face and we conceded. I was taken off with a bleeding nose but when I looked up in the stands, my sister was still staring at her phone. Alba had run down the stairs and was by my side when I entered the little sick bay. 

I cried then too. Most people thought it was because of the bleeding nose or the conceded goal. Alba knew that wasn't the real reason. 

The penultimate game she watched was the final of the under 15s Catalonia cup. I don't know what she did during the game because Mami told me not to look up. She said she didn't want me to get distracted but I think she meant to say she didn't want me to get hurt. 

I think I still idolised Alexia at that point in time. She was still my older sister and she was still the best player in the world. She still had weekly dinners at home, although she wouldn't sit next to me and sneakily take all the food I didn't want off my plate anymore. She stopped staying to watch a movie after dinner even though my favourite part of the week was falling asleep in her lap as her hands combed softly through my hair. 

I remember when I was accepted into La Masia, Mami held a nice big dinner. It was right in the middle of covid so it was technically illegal, but we had a lot of my family over. Mami invited a few of the Barcelona girls as well and Mapi and Leila reminded me of what it used to be like before Alexia stopped loving me. 

The reminder of the before was more painful than I liked to admit, and the night ended when the tears that had been burning in the back of my eyes finally spilled out as I was talking to Mapi. 

She immediately pulled me into her arms and asked what was wrong and I struggled to find a lie that would be believable. 

I settled on saying I was upset about everything changing - which I suppose was true. 

I remember Alexia looking mortified and breaking eye contact as soon as I looked at her. She told me off that evening when Mami was in the shower and Alba was talking to someone else. She told me I needed to be grateful for everything I have been given and that she paved the way for me. 

It was even worse when she said I would never achieve the things she has. She said it was because I didn't have the mentality that she did, that I had it all so easy. 

It hurt the most when she told me she was disappointed in the person I was. 

"I hope we never share a shirt, Elena, because the day you play in the first Barcelona team is the day that we have run out of players. It will mean that football players are week and female footballers can not be weak. You do not have it in you to be like me, to do what I have done to get to where I am."

The venom in her voice sent a cold shiver down my spine and I felt like I had been stabbed. I didn't cry that time. I waited until I was in my bedroom to sob my heart out. 

The last time she ever watched me play was the next day, but she didn't have an option not to. I played terribly, my first game as a La Masia student, my sisters words repeating over and over in my head. 

That was really what tipped the relationship I once shared with Alexia on its head. The pedestal I had put her on was destroyed and suddenly she was just another player. I barely saw her as my sister any more. She couldn't love me, you wouldn't be able to hurt someone you love so much. 

I have barely seen her since. She still comes to our family dinners on Thursday nights - she still very much loves Alba and our Mami. But I tell Mami that I have training with Barcelona B late on Thursdays. It finishes at 6 and dinner starts at 7, but I just organise to go to my friends' houses for dinner instead. 

Sometimes we both have dinner together at home, but it is awkward and I hate it. I think she has probably forgotten about what she said to me in June of 2021, but I don't think I will ever be able to. 

She doesn't like me, but it's ok because I have learnt to accept that. But I will never not love my sister because she was once everything to me. 

~~~~~~

"Pequena Putellas!" Patri's excited shriek is what welcomes me into the dressing room on my first day. She tackles me into a hug and squeezes me tight. "It has been such a long time, mi favorita!" 

The last time I saw Patri was only last year at the champions league final. I had sat with my whole family but I went to the bathroom when everyone else went and spoke to the players. I don't think Patri would have seen me. 

I can only smile as she continues. 

"I remember you as the little 8 year old who would sit and watch our training sessions after school! I was so confused by you when I first arrived here, you know. I remember the first time Ale let you play a game with us and you were so good!" 

"Nobody doubted that you would be on this team one day!" A new voice entered the conversation.

"Marta!" I hugged the brunette closely. She was always one of my favourites. 

"I am proud of you, pequena putellas." 

Her words are familiar as I have heard them out of my mothers voice time and time again my whole life. But they seem foreign coming from Marta and it is an unwanted reminder of my sister. I don't know why - maybe it is because I have always associated this Barcelona team with her. I don't remember the last time she said she was proud of me. 

I don't remember the last time she said anything to me, really. 

"Gracias, Marta, I have missed you." I bury my head into her neck and she holds me closer. 

"You have not been around as much since you transferred to La Masia. I wanted to come and watch but Ale never extended an invitation and I didn't want to overstep." I shake my heads at her words and she frowns. 

"Alexia doesn't have time for my games, she hasn't for a while. It takes a lot to be La Reina." 

Marta's frown deepens at my words and the attention of a few spanish players is captured. I should have spoken quieter, I forgot how many people in here speak catalan. 

"It is ok, she is very supportive, but she just can't come to my games. She makes it up in other ways." I am lying through my teeth but Marta will never know. 

"I am sure, she must be very proud of you, being selected in this team for the first time, it is a big deal, you are very young."

All I can do is nod, my energy is all being put into holding back my own tears. I don't know if Mami told her. I don't know if Alexia even knows that I was selected. 

"Get changed now, I am sure Jona will want to talk to you before the session, especially with the game tomorrow."

I nod again as Marta pats me on the back and walk over to the cubby that says my name. It feels a bit surreal, really. 

I never really thought I would see my name on a Barcelona cubby, accompanied by my new number that I chose in the meeting a few days ago. It was always a dream, but I never thought it was achievable. Alexia always seemed like a superstar, a superhuman of sorts and I would never reach that kind of level. 

But here I am in the team that I always wanted to be in - in no way am I anywhere near my sisters level but I am on my way to being like her. I just wish she cared. I wish she was proud of me like Marta is. 

Her cubby sits across from me and I try to tear my eyes from it but it sits and stares right back at me. I feel like an intruder in Alexia's space, this is not for me, she would not want me to be here. 

I tie my laces quickly after that and head out onto the pitches to begin training. 

I have trained with the first team twice before, but the Barcelona Bs were always slightly seperate and we could keep our distance from the first players. Jonatan is a familiar face and I feel comfortable as he smiles and me and motions for me to follow the others to the gym. 

It is weird, being promoted within my own club. I am not so much a new signing, but a replacement - I am not good enough to be in the first team but they had no other options when Mapi injured herself. 

I used to worry that people would say I only get opportunities because my last name is Putellas. When my sister told me I was weak all those years ago, that idea sort of cemented in my head, I suppose. 

I never told my Mami what her daughter said to me because it would upset her. I told Alba half of it when she found me crying in my room a few days later but made her promise to not tell anyone. She couldn't say anything to Mami, Alexia, anyone at all because it would only make Alexia think I was weaker. 

She was furious and tried to tell me it was untrue but it had already been said. I believed Alexia's word more than anyone else. To me, she was a superhuman. 

But when I spoke to Jonatan a few days ago he made me feel like I was wanted within this squad. He made it clear that he wants me to integrate completely into the squad in the next few years and that he can see me playing soon even though I am only 15. 

I told him I didn't want anything special because of my surname. 

He told me that he chose me because of my first name. 

"Elena Putellas,"  he said with a grin, "you may be as good as her, but you are not your sister. This is a professional environment. As long as you perform, which I know you will, nobody will care what your name is."

It was a big boost to my confidence. 

Aitana Bonmati caught up to me quickly as I walked to the gym. 

"You are big now." I chuckled but did not look over, I didn't need to really. "But not that big. You are only 15, si?"

"Yes, I am 15." 

I met Aitana when she first joined the club. She always used to say that she would steal me and take me home with her because she thought I was adorable. It is strange that I am now sort of in the same team as her. 

She started playing for the first team when I was 8. I was older then, I played my own football and liked staying with Alexia so I could kick a ball around with her teammates when they were done. 

Aitana was one of the few who would stay every time I was there. When Alexia didn't want to wait she would drive me home herself, all the way to the other side of Barcelona. We would always stop for ice cream on the way home. 

"I have not seen you in too long, Lena. I have missed you a lot but you have been doing very well in the B team. I am very proud and I take credit for your abilities." She spoke in such a dead pan voice but it was somehow still filled with emotion. 

"I have missed you too, ABC." It was a nickname I gave her the first time she drove me home. I had been learning about the alphabet in English class and had the little song stuck in my head when she told me her full name. I used to sing her initials in the tune of the song but it quickly merged to me just saying the three letters. 

"I have been to a few of your games, you know?" 

I look at her in confusion, I have never seen her there. She just nods. 

"Alexia never invited any of us but she was never at the ones I went to so I would sit in the stands with a hat and glasses so people wouldn't recognise me, but I was there. I went to your La Masia games as well. You have become a phenomenal player, Lena."

She has always spoken with such sincerity. I have missed her a lot. 

"Maybe you can drop me off at home again tonight? I have missed you."

She chuckles and pulls me into a side hug. 

"I was waiting for you to ask, little Lena. Oh you are not so little any more!"

I chuckle as well and let my head fall onto her shoulder as we enter the gym. My eyes scan the room, looking at all of the players on their equipment, nerves quickly settling inside me. 

"Don't worry, it's all easy." Aitana seems to read my mind. "Just come with me and I will show you how to do everything. It will become second nature in the next few days."

The gym session went quickly as I was taught all the different exercises. I was familiar with most of them, having done a very similar program in the past with the B team. 

We went out onto the field to do some drills and I played well. Jonatan was impressed and so were the first players. My teammates? Maybe, not quite, I don't think. I still haven't been in a team list, so I suppose I'll be their teammate when that eventually happens. 

It wasn't until we reached the ice cream shop that Aitana started asking me all the awkward questions. I should have seen it coming. 

"Why do you never come to our games anymore, Lena?" I was very grateful for the scoops of gelato in my hands. Eating it delayed my response as I tried to come up with something to say. I shrug as I eat.

I can not say it is because I do not get along with Alexia. It is too hard for me to say now, even after all these years. 

"I'm not sure. I suppose I got busy with my own training and school. I have been to a few but I usually go home with Alba pretty quickly after they finish." It is only half a lie but she just shrugs, apparently not believing my words. 

"And why is it that I am driving you home from your first ever first team training? I thought Alexia would have wanted to." I anticipated a question like this but that does not mean I wanted her to actually ask it. 

"Alexia is busy." I hope that Aitana understands I don't want to talk about it. I haven't spoken about my broken relationship with my sister to anyone. I think she can sense something is wrong though, because she puts her spoon back into her ice cream and grabs my arm so I am staring right at her. 

"If you ever want to talk, I am right here, Lena. I know you don't like people knowing what is going on inside that crazy head of yours but it is good to release your feelings." 

She definitely knows something is wrong so I appreciate her not pushing. 

"I have outlets, I play football, I play the piano, I am ok, aitana, I really am." 

She eyed me as if to say she didn't believe me but dropped the topic anyway. 

"When did you get so good?"

#woso fanfics #woso #woso imagine #alexia putellas #putellas!reader #alexia putellas x reader #barca femeni #fcb femeni #alexia putellas imagine

[sadnymi]

Lovefool p2

[part one] [Mattheo riddle x reader]

Summary: Being the only girl in the group, and now stuck in the middle of nowhere with them, you found myself in a tricky situation. You had to share rooms, and Mattheo, leaving no room for negotiation, insisted that you would share with him. The problem was, there was only one bed. From uncovering feelings to heartbreak, it was a night you wouldn't forget.

Warning: angst,fluff,strong language, hints of smut .

Words:5,5k + Bonus scene.

When we arrived back home, I quickly said goodbye to the boys, avoiding eye contact with all of them. I couldn't bear to see their pity or confusion. I just wanted to escape to the solitude of my room. Once inside, I shut the door and leaned against it, finally allowing myself to break down. Tears streamed down my face as I slid to the floor, clutching my knees to my chest.

There was only one week left before returning to Hogwarts, and I knew I would have to face them—most of all, Mattheo. The thought of seeing him again made my stomach churn. During that week, I waited for him to reach out, to say something, anything, that would make sense of what happened. But he didn’t. The silence from him was deafening, and it drove me insane.

All the other boys sent me messages as usual. Even Blaise, who had been so harsh, reached out, perhaps feeling guilty for his words. But not Mattheo. He ghosted me completely, and the pain was unbearable. Every time my phone buzzed, my heart would leap with hope, only to be crushed when it wasn’t him.

I spent days replaying our time together in my mind, trying to understand what went wrong. Had I misread everything? Was I just another conquest to him? The questions tormented me, and the lack of answers made it worse.

I remember that night vividly. The way he looked at me, the tenderness in his touch, the passion in his kisses—it all felt so real. But now, it seemed like a cruel illusion, a trick my heart played on me.

I tried to distract myself by throwing myself into reading, but every word I read seemed to blur into the memory of him. I’d catch myself staring at the same page for hours, lost in thoughts of his hands on my skin, his whispered words.

By the middle of the week, the weight of his absence was unbearable. I lay in bed, clutching my phone, scrolling through old messages, and torturing myself with his silence. The boys' messages were kind and casual, but they couldn't fill the void Mattheo left.

Enzo’s messages were the most frequent, always checking in on me, making sure I was okay. “Hey, how are you holding up?” he’d text, and I’d force myself to respond with a lie. “I’m fine, thanks,” I’d write back, even though I was anything but fine.

Blaise's messages were surprisingly considerate. “Sorry about the other day. Didn’t mean to upset you,” he’d said. I couldn’t bring myself to be angry with him; he had only voiced what I feared was true.

But Mattheo? Nothing. No calls, no texts, no attempts to explain or apologize. It felt like he had erased me from his life completely.

The pain was relentless, gnawing at me day and night. I felt hollow, like a shell of the person I had been before. I missed his voice, his laughter, the way he made me feel seen and cherished. I missed him so much it hurt to breathe.

The final straw came the night before we were due to return to Hogwarts. I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, and realized I couldn’t go on like this. I needed to confront him, to demand answers. I couldn’t start the new school year with this weight on my shoulders. I had to face him, even if it meant shattering my heart all over again.

I took a deep breath and picked up my phone, my fingers trembling as I typed out a message. “Mattheo, we need to talk. Please.” I hit send and waited, my heart pounding in my chest. Minutes felt like hours as I watched the screen, praying for a response.

But none came. The silence stretched on, suffocating me, and I knew that no matter what happened, I had to find a way to move forward. With or without him.

I boarded the train with a heavy heart, my eyes scanning the crowded platform. As soon as I found Enzo, I slid into the seat next to him, trying to muster a smile.

“Hi,” I said, glancing briefly at Mattheo, who was sitting across from us.

“Hey,” Mattheo replied, his voice neutral, his gaze avoiding mine.

Theo soon returned, his eyes lighting up when he saw me. “How have you been?” he asked.

“I’ve been okay,” I lied, forcing another smile. Before I could say more, Draco and Blaise joined us, making the compartment feel even more cramped and awkward.

“Hi,” Draco said, his voice soft, his eyes flicking between me and Mattheo. Blaise offered a similar greeting, his usual bravado toned down, as if he sensed the tension.

I tried to lose myself in my book, Emma another Jane Austen novel, hoping it would distract me from the unbearable atmosphere. But I could feel Mattheo’s eyes on me, and each glance was like a dagger to my heart. His stare was intense, and it made concentrating impossible.

“I’m going to say hi to Pansy,” I announced suddenly, grabbing my bag and book. I left the compartment quickly, not giving anyone a chance to respond.

As I walked down the corridor, I realized I couldn’t face Pansy either. She would ask questions, and I had no answers. I turned a corner, only to overhear a group of girls talking animatedly about their exploits.

“Enzo is amazing,” one girl said, giggling. “Blaise too, though he’s a bit too cocky for my taste.”

“Oh, Theo is a sweetheart,” another girl chimed in. “But Mattheo... God, he’s something else.”

My ears pricked up at his name, and I leaned closer, my heart pounding.

“What’s it like with Mattheo?” a third girl asked, her voice dripping with curiosity.

“He’s rough, but in a good way,” the first girl said, her voice lowering conspiratorially. “He barely looked at me, but I didn’t mind. It felt so good. He didn’t kiss me, though, just... did his thing and left.”

My heart pounded as I continued to listen, hiding behind the corner.

"God, I'd do anything to sleep with Mattheo again," the first girl said, her voice filled with a mix of longing and frustration. "But he doesn't sleep with the same girl twice."

"Yeah, he's got a reputation for that," another girl chimed in. "And yet, somehow, they all are so different with her you know??," she said, her tone dripping with disdain.

" Y/N right? What's so special about her anyway?" a third girl asked, her voice filled with venom.

"She's always hanging around them, like she's one of them. I can't understand how she managed to get in their group."

"I bet they all fucked her at some point," the first girl said, her voice low and conspiratorial. "Do you think they share her? She's their slut for sure."

"I know right?," another girl agreed, her laughter harsh and cruel. "I mean, how else would she keep their attention? She must be really good in bed."

"Or maybe she just does whatever they want," the third girl added. "So pathetic, really. Always trying to act like she's so special. I bet she’s just a desperate little slut."

My heart pounded as I continued to listen, hiding behind the corner.

"Yeah, spreads her legs for any of them at the drop of a hat," another girl sneered. "She's probably been passed around like a party favor."

"And they act so protective of her," the first girl said with a bitter laugh. "I can't imagine why. What do they see in her?"

"They must be playing some kind of game," the third girl suggested. "Maybe seeing who can screw her over the most."

My heart beat faster and faster, each cruel word piercing deeper. Tears blurred my vision as I stepped away from the corner, desperate to escape their venomous gossip.

The world around me seemed to blur as I walked faster, not caring where I was going, just needing to get away. I collided with a strong chest, and looking up through my tears, I saw Mattheo.

"Why are you crying? “ His voice was sharper than a knife

“Who did this to you?" He asked once more when I didn’t answer his hands gently cupped my face, his thumbs wiping away my tears.

I pulled away, my voice shaking. "I'm not talking to you," I said, the tears flowing freely. I turned to leave, but he grabbed my hand.

"Stop it. Let me go," I demanded, trying to pull free from his grip.

"Not unless I know what got you crying like that," he insisted, his eyes filled with the same loving and caring expression that had once made my heart soar.

I looked away, the pain and confusion overwhelming me. "Just go and ignore me like you have been for the past week, or whatever," I said, my voice bitter. "Pretend I don't exist. You're good at that."

His face fell, looking speechless for a moment. I didn’t wait for him to respond. I pulled away, breaking into a run until I found an empty compartment far away from everyone. I slammed the door shut and collapsed onto the seat, sobbing uncontrollably.

The cruel words of the girls echoed in my mind, mingling with the confusion and heartbreak of Mattheo's unexpected concern. Why did he have to care now, after leaving me in silence for a week?

As the train rumbled on, I curled up on the seat, hugging my knees to my chest. The weight of everything pressed down on me, and I felt utterly alone. I had no answers, only questions that seemed to multiply with each passing moment. Why had he treated me so tenderly, only to disappear? And why did it hurt so much to see that same tenderness now, when I was already so broken?

Why had Mattheo been so different with me? Cause I’m pretty sure I wasn’t imagining that night and from what I heard from those girls it seems like he’s a different person from the one they are talking about .

I had a long time trying to explain to the boys why I suddenly disappeared and never returned. They didn’t look convinced, and their probing questions made it clear they weren’t buying my excuses.

Days passed, and I tried to put some space between me and all of them. It wasn’t easy. Draco cornered me in the common room one evening, his eyes filled with concern. "Something happened," he said, his voice low and insistent. "Tell me what it is."

"I'm fine, Draco. It's just family drama," I lied, my stomach twisting with guilt.

"You’ve been skipping meals and acting different," Theo added, joining us with a frown. "This isn’t like you."

"I told you, it’s family stuff," I insisted, hating how naked I felt under their scrutiny. It was like they could see right through my facade.

"Just...let us help," Draco pleaded, but I shook my head, turning away from their worried gazes.

Over the next few days, I was in a bit of a slump. Not only did I skip meals, but I also skipped more classes than usual. If I could have, I would have skipped the whole week, but unfortunately, that wasn't an option.

I grabbed my bag and walked through the courtyard, I overheard a girl talking loudly to her friends. "She's such a slut," she sneered, and my steps faltered. "I bet she's been with every Slytherin boy."

I stopped, my blood boiling. I turned around and marched over to her, my fists clenched. "What did you say?"

The girl looked taken aback for a moment but quickly recovered. "I said you're a slut. Everyone knows it."

The rage bubbling inside me reached a boiling point. "You think you know me? You think you can talk about me like that? Here’s a newsflash for you: I don’t need your approval or your pathetic opinions.“

Before she could respond, a boy next to her smirked. “Yeah, I’d love to fuck you just like the whole Slytherin boys have. Bet you’d like that, huh?”

I stepped closer, my fists clenched at my sides. "Why don’t you come a bit closer and say that to my face?" I said, my voice trembling with rage.

The crowd that had gathered around us watched with wide eyes and open mouths. "What's wrong?" the girl taunted. "Truth hurts?"

“Do you think it makes you look strong, demeaning someone you don’t even know? Do you think you’re better than me because you can spread lies and gossip? You’re pathetic. You think I care about what you say? The only thing that matters is that I know the truth, and that scares you, doesn’t it? Because deep down, you know you’ll never be anything more than a coward hiding behind cruel words.”

The girl, emboldened by the attention, added, "Your family must be so proud of you. What a disgrace."

"Shut your mouth," I said, stepping closer, my eyes burning with anger. "I don’t care what you think of me, but if you ever talk about my family again, you’ll regret it."

She looked a bit scared but tried to stand her ground. "Or what? You'll hit me? No wonder why your dad left,""

I saw red. I lunged at her, my fist raised, but strong arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me back. "Let go!" I yelled, struggling against the hold.

"Not her, not now, love," Mattheo's voice whispered in my ear, calming yet firm. He started to pull me away from the mess, his grip gentle but unyielding.

"Mattheo, let go of me," I insisted, trying to break free.

"Not until you calm down," he replied, his eyes full of concern. "I can't let you get into trouble over this."

He guided me into an empty hallway with a balcony, a secluded spot even the ghosts avoided. I was still shaking with rage, my breathing ragged. "Who do you think you are? Don’t touch me! Stay away!" I shouted, pushing at his chest.

"Just breathe, my love," he murmured, his hands cupping my face gently, thumbs stroking my cheeks. "Breathe with me."

His touch, his voice, started to pierce through the fog of anger. I took a shaky breath, then another, my heartbeat slowly steadying.

"Look at me," he said softly, tilting my chin up so our eyes met. "Every single one who talks bad about you is going to regret it. They’re going to wish they were dead before they ever said a word."

"Why do you act like this?" I demanded, my voice trembling. "You act like you care, like you—" I faltered, trying to find the right words. "Your mixed signals are driving me crazy! You pull me closer just to walk away after."

He looked pained, his eyes searching mine for understanding, but he said nothing.

"Say something!" I pleaded, tears welling up. "Anything!"

Still, he remained silent, and the silence cut deeper than any words ever could.

Footsteps echoed down the hallway, and the rest of the boys appeared. Blaise was the first to speak, his gaze flicking between me and Mattheo. "You okay?" he asked.

I nodded, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Theo stepped forward, his brow furrowed. "This happened before, didn't it?"

I took a deep breath, nodding again. "Yes."

Draco crossed his arms, his expression softening. "Well, that explains why you were acting distant. You should have told us."

"I didn't know what to say," I admitted, feeling exposed and vulnerable.

Enzo's voice was gentle as he asked, "What happened before?"

I glanced at Mattheo, who was watching me with an unreadable expression. I couldn't bear his eyes on me anymore. Looking back at Enzo, I said quietly, "It was on the train."

Their eyes widened as I recounted the overheard conversation, the cruel words that had been said about me, and how it had all culminated in the confrontation just now. Mattheo's gaze never left me, and I knew what he was thinking, but I couldn't deal with it anymore.

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice breaking. "I just... I need to go to my dorm. I'll see you all tomorrow."

Enzo stepped forward, his concern evident. "I'll walk you."

I nodded, unable to look at Mattheo as I turned to leave. Enzo fell into step beside me, his presence a small comfort amidst the chaos.

The next day, as I walked into class, I was met with an unexpected wave of greetings and offers of help.

"Hey, need any notes from yesterday?" asked one girl, her smile bright and friendly.

"I saved you a seat," another girl said, gesturing to the spot next to her.

"Do you need a quill? I've got an extra," someone else offered, holding out a shiny new quill.

I looked around, confused by the sudden change in behavior. These were the same people who had ignored me or worse, whispered behind my back just a day ago. Before I could process it, a group of girls approached, all smiles and compliments.

"Your hair looks amazing today," one of them said, her tone overly enthusiastic.

"Yeah, and your shoes are so cute!" another added.

"Thanks," I muttered, bewildered by their sudden interest.

Then, the girl from yesterday's confrontation appeared, looking hesitant. She took a deep breath and stepped closer. "I'm really sorry about what I said yesterday," she began, her voice shaky. "Please forgive me. I didn't mean any of it, and I feel terrible."

I stared at her, trying to make sense of this abrupt apology. "Why are you apologizing now?" I asked, suspicion creeping into my voice.

Before she could respond, I noticed him. The boy who had made that disgusting comment about me the day before. His arm was in a sling, supported by a wooden splint, and his face was a mess of blue and purple bruises. He had a black eye, swollen nearly shut.

"I, uh, fell down the stairs," he mumbled, not meeting my gaze.

I looked between the two of them, realization dawning. My stomach churned, and I felt the sudden urge to get out of there. Grabbing my things, I bolted from the classroom, not stopping until I was far from the castle. I found myself in a hidden garden, a place where I often went to think.

I sat down on the ground, trying to calm my racing heart and catch my breath. I wasn't dumb. I knew what had really happened. I knew who was behind the sudden wave of attention, the apologies, the broken bones. It wasn't hard to piece it together.

Mattheo.

But clarity seemed a distant dream. I leaned back against the tree, closing my eyes, and tried to find a moment of calm amidst the chaos Mattheo had left in his wake.

I stayed in the garden for what felt like hours, trying to find some semblance of peace amidst the turmoil. Eventually, I knew I would have to face him, to confront what had happened and what it meant. But for now, I just needed to breathe.

I felt someone approaching and sat beside me. I looked up and met Mattheo’s eyes. He was holding a book in his hand.

I felt someone approaching and sat up, my heart pounding. When I looked up, I met Mattheo’s eyes. He was holding a book in his hand.

"I—I got this for you," he said, his voice soft.

I glanced at the book, then back at him, and took it from his hand. It was Persuasion, another Jane Austen's novels. My heart beat even faster as I muttered a thank you. Then I noticed the blood on his hands, despite his clear attempts to wash it off.

He asked, "What were you reading on the train?"

I stared at him, incredulous. "You’re seriously asking me about my books while having blood on your hands? and probably terrorized the whole school before coming here!" I shouted.

He just smirked. "Are you insane, Mattheo? Seriously, what the hell?" I yelled again.

He raised his eyebrows, a hint of a smile on his lips. "I told you they were going to regret what they said yesterday, didn't I?"

"I can take care of myself. I don’t need your help," I snapped, trying to walk away, but he grabbed my hand, pulling me back until my back hit the tree.

"I know," he said.

I rolled my eyes and looked away, trapped between his hands on either side of my face and the tree behind me. His closeness was overwhelming.

"You’re insane," I muttered.

"Well, I need to talk to you, and you left me no other choice," he said, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

I chuckled sarcastically. "You kidding me? Because as much as I remember, you were the one who left after—" I stammered, my face turning red, unable to finish the sentence.

"Yes, my love, after what?" he asked, smiling even wider.

"After I went down on you? Or when I had my finger deep inside you?" he continued, his voice low and teasing. I put my hands over his mouth, desperate to stop him.

"Oh, Lord, stop," I said, my voice a whisper. He kissed my hand, sending a jolt through me, and I pulled it away quickly, my face burning even more.

"Don’t go shy on me now, love. I’m pretty sure I kissed more intimate parts," he said, leaning closer to whisper in my ear. "I've had your taste on my tongue for weeks."

I tried to hit him in the chest, but he grabbed both my hands with one hand, pinning them above my head.

“Listen,” he said, getting more serious. “Enzo told me about what Blaise said that day.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think I really want to know another tale about you with a girl in bed.”

“Another tale?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

I looked him in the eyes, my voice trembling with both anger and hurt. “I heard what that girl said on the train. About how good you were in bed, how you liked it rough, just did the job and left with no kisses. She wasn’t even complaining, Mattheo. She said she’d do anything to sleep with you again, but it’s too bad because you don’t sleep with the same girl twice."

“Did she now?” he said, smirking.

“Fuck you, Mattheo,” I said, trying to pull away, but his hold was too strong. “Fuck you so much. I get it. I was delusional to think it was more than a one-time thing for you because you don’t sleep with the same girl twice, you don’t—” My voice cracked, betraying my emotions.

"Did it look like a fucking one-time thing back then, Y/N?" he demanded, sharp and serious. I avoided his gaze, my anger and pain battling inside me.

"Answer," he insisted, his face inches from mine. I looked up at him, the intensity in his eyes making it hard to breathe.

"No," I admitted, my voice barely audible.

"Because it fucking wasn’t," he said. "It wasn’t a simple fuck. I was making love to you, and that freaked the shit out of me." The veins in his neck stood out as he spoke, his eyes blazing.

I blinked, trying to process his words. "So, yes," he continued, his voice lower but no less intense, "what the girl said was right. I’ve fucked other girls like that. Rough, fast, no strings attached. Just getting off and moving on. No kisses, no tenderness, just raw and dirty, didn’t look at them more than I had to.”

My breathing grew heavier as his words sank in.“So, does it look like that now?” he asked, his voice softer but still intense. I closed my eyes, overwhelmed.

“Fucking look at me Y/N,” he commanded, and I looked up at him, shaking my head.

“Every time I look at you, at those lips,” he whispered, his voice dropping lower, “all I can think about is how much I want to kiss you. How much I want to taste you. How much I want you in every way. It’s not just about fucking. It’s about you. Every part of you, that night... you were in my arms, and I managed to sleep. You have no idea how rare that is for me.”

His words sent a shiver down my spine, my body responding despite my confusion. I could feel the heat between us, the undeniable pull that had always been there.

I looked at him, standing there, rain-soaked and intense, and the tears kept falling from my eyes.

“And no, I don’t want you to be my friend,” he continued, his voice rising. “I want to hear you moaning my name. I want to have you, all of you. To kiss every inch of you. To make you smile, to see you laugh. To put your happiness above anything because nothing else matters. Nothing but you.”

His words were raw, cutting through the rain and my confusion. The sheer intensity of his confession left me breathless, my heart pounding in my chest. I could feel the pull, the magnetic force between us, stronger than ever.

“I’ve tried to stay away, to keep my distance,” he went on, his voice breaking slightly. “But every time I see you, it’s like a punch to the gut. I’m fighting a losing battle. I don’t just want you. I need you. In every way possible.”

I stood there, soaked and trembling, unable to speak. His words had stripped me bare, leaving me vulnerable and exposed. The rain continued to pour, a relentless backdrop to his declaration.

“So tell me, do you understand now?” he asked again, his voice softer.

I swallowed hard, my throat tight with emotion. The truth of his words was undeniable, resonating deep within me. I took a shaky breath, trying to steady myself, and met his gaze.

“Yes,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “I understand.”

He reached out, gently wiping the tears from my cheeks. “I will be so good to you,” he murmured, his thumb brushing my skin. “I would do anything for you. I fucked up, and I—”

I stood on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his, cutting him off. For a moment, he was surprised and didn’t kissed me back, I pulled back, looking him in the eye. And as if a dam had broken, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer.

He leaned down, capturing my mouth in a deep, hungry kiss. His lips were soft but insistent, demanding and giving all at once. I felt his hands on my waist, lifting me effortlessly. My legs wrapped around his hips as he held me against him, the kiss growing more passionate. The rain poured down, but it didn’t matter. Nothing else.

His tongue parted my lips, and I opened to him, the taste of him intoxicating. He kissed me with a fervor that made my head spin, his hands gripping my hips, pulling me tighter against him. I could feel the hard lines of his body, the heat between us almost unbearable.

"Wait," I managed to gasp, pulling back slightly. "The book, the rain—"

"I'll get you a new one," he promised, his voice fierce, breathing heavily against my lips. His fingers tangled in my hair, pulling gently until my face tilted up to meet his gaze. Then he kissed me again, more fiercely this time, as if he couldn’t get enough.

I melted into him, my hands clinging to his shoulders as he devoured me. His lips moved over mine with a raw, desperate need, and I responded with equal fervor. The world around us disappeared, the rain, the cold, everything fading away until there was only him, only us.

After what felt like an eternity, he pulled back, his forehead resting against mine. "Come with me," he murmured, his voice a soft plea. "Let's get out of this rain."

I nodded, my heart pounding in my chest, his hand slipping into mine, and we ran through the rain. We found shelter under a nearby awning, the sudden silence after the roar of the rain almost surreal.

He looked at me, his eyes dark and intense, and I felt my breath catch in my throat. "You're soaked," he said, his voice gentle, as he brushed a strand of wet hair from my face.

"So are you," I replied, a smile tugging at my lips.

"Well, we make a pretty pair then," he teased, his hand settling on my waist.

I laughed, the sound light and carefree, a stark contrast to the storm still raging around us. "We do, don't we?"

His gaze softened, a tender smile playing on his lips. "I've never seen anyone look so beautiful soaking wet."

I rolled my eyes playfully, running a hand through his wet hair. "You're just saying that because you want to kiss me again."

He grinned, leaning in closer. "Maybe. But it's true." His lips hovered over mine, the anticipation making my heart race. "And for the record, I do want to kiss you again. Very much."

"Then what are you waiting for?" I challenged, my voice barely more than a whisper.

He didn't need any more encouragement. His lips captured mine in a kiss that was both sweet and passionate, his hand tightening on my waist, pulling me flush against him. I could feel the warmth of his body through the wet fabric of our clothes, the contrast to the chill of the rain making my skin tingle.

As the kiss deepened, his free hand slid up my back, tangling in my hair. I moaned softly against his lips, the sound making him groan in response. He pulled back slightly, his breath hot against my skin.

"You have no idea what you do to me," he murmured, his voice rough with desire. "The things I want to do to you."

My cheeks flushed, and I looked down, feeling a mix of excitement and shyness. "Like what?" I asked, my voice trembling slightly.

He tilted my chin up, forcing me to meet his gaze. "I want to make you mine in every possible way," he said, his eyes burning with intensity. "I want to hear you scream my name, to see you come apart in my arms. I want to kiss every inch of you, to make you feel things you've never felt before."

His words sent a shiver down my spine, and I bit my lip, trying to suppress the blush that was spreading across my cheeks. "You're making me blush," I whispered, my voice shaky.

He smiled, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Good. I like it when you blush." He leaned in, his lips brushing my ear. "I like knowing I'm the one making you feel this way."

I closed my eyes, my heart pounding in my chest. His words, his touch, everything about him was overwhelming. "You're insufferable," I muttered, but there was no heat in my words, only affection.

He chuckled, the sound vibrating through me. "You love it," he teased, his lips pressing a soft kiss to my neck.

I sighed, my fingers threading through his hair as I leaned into his touch. "Yeah, I do," I admitted, my voice barely more than a whisper. "I really do."

He pulled back, his eyes searching mine. "Good," he said softly, his hand cupping my face. "Because I'm not letting you go."

I smiled, feeling a warmth spread through me that had nothing to do with the rain. "I don't want you to,".

"So, I really have done it in your Mr. Darcy way, haven't I?" he said, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "I was always jealous of him, when you talked about him like that you know?"

Before I could respond, his mouth was on my neck, kissing and sucking gently, then more insistently. I let out a soft moan, my fingers digging into his shoulders.

He pulled back slightly, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "Perfect," he said, admiring his handiwork.

I laughed, breathless and flushed. "What was that for?"

He smirked, a wicked glint in his eyes. "It's for Blaise. Since he loves to ask so much."

I rolled my eyes, unable to suppress my smile. "You know he went on a date last night, right?"

"Did he now?" Mattheo replied, his fingers trailing down my arm. "I want everyone to know you're mine."

The possessiveness in his voice sent another thrill through me. "And what if I don't want to be claimed like some trophy?" I teased, raising an eyebrow.

He pulled me closer, his lips brushing against mine. "Then I'll just have to work harder to prove I deserve you," he whispered, his breath warm against my skin.

I smiled, feeling the warmth of his words seep into me. "You've already proven that," I said softly, kissing him again. "But I wouldn't mind seeing you try."

He laughed, the sound rich and joyful. "Challenge accepted."

We stood there for a while, wrapped in each other's arms, the rain a distant memory. His hands roamed over my back, his touch sending sparks of electricity through me. I leaned into him, feeling the steady beat of his heart against my chest, and knew that this was where I belonged.

"We should get inside," I said, glancing at the castle in the distance. "Before we catch our deaths."

"Right," he agreed, but made no move to let go. "But just one more kiss."

"Just one more," I echoed, leaning up to meet his lips again.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ Bonus scene ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

As we approached our usual spot, I saw Blaise, Enzo, Theo, Pansy and Draco already seated, with an unfamiliar girl sitting beside Blaise.

I caught Blaise’s curious gaze fixed on my neck. He raised an eyebrow, a knowing grin spreading across his face.

“Well, well, what do we have here?” Blaise said, his voice dripping with amusement. “Is that a hickey, Y/N?”

I felt my face heat up, and before I could muster a response, Mattheo leaned forward, his grin turning positively devilish.

“Yes, mate,” Mattheo said smoothly. “It is a hickey.”

Blaise’s eyes widened slightly before he broke into a laugh. “By whom, I wonder?”

Mattheo wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. “By me, obviously,” he declared, his voice filled with pride. “Wanted to make sure everyone knows she’s mine.”

I blushed even deeper, but I couldn’t help the smile tugging at my lips.

Draco looked between us, his grin widening. “Well, it’s about time. I was starting to think you’d never make a move.”

Mattheo chuckled, his hand moving to rest possessively on my waist. “Trust me, I’ve made plenty of moves. Just decided it was time to make it official.”

He winked at me. “Just make sure he treats you right. If not, you know where to find me.”

Mattheo tightened his hold on me, his eyes flashing with a playful warning. “She won’t need to, because I’m going to treat her better than anyone else ever could.”

I laughed, the tension melting away as I leaned into Mattheo’s embrace. “I think I can handle him.”

"So," Pansy said, leaning forward with an impish grin. "Does this mean you're off the market, then?"

"Consider me taken," Mattheo said, his voice firm. "And very happily so."

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

Tag list :

@heelshiree @hoeforvinniehackerrr @cookiesex115 @mgchaser @mayamonroem @hereticdance @heelshiree @fallingblackveils @cardi-bre91 @sonnderlust @too-efn-old-to-be-here @gemizminee @broadwaybaby123 @howdyhowby@hisparentsgallerryy @sksksksk28

#slytherin boys #mattheo smut #mattheo riddle smut #slytherin boys x reader #slytherin boys x you #fluff imagines #slytherinboysmasterlist #slytherin boys react #slytherinboys #mattheo riddle masterlist #mattheo riddle angst #mattheo riddle fluff #mattheoriddle #mattheo riddle imagine #mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo riddle imagines #mattheo riddle #mattheoxreader #mattheo x you #mattheo x y/n #mattheo fluff #mattheo riddle oneshot #mattheo riddle fanfic #mattheo riddle scenarios #mattheo riddle x you #mattheoriddlexyn #mattheoriddlexreader #mattheoriddleimagines #slytherin

[skunkes]

if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day #how they're already memories since moments pass so fast #everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever #and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go? #should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you. #on the other hand it will be the last time i see you. #and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed #it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily #so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore? #im going to be alone for so much of my life. #i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day #ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more. #how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been #the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief #and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true. #sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately #id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again #like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night #one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again. #talkys #i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it? #how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath.... #i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him. #i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore. #i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone. #and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter. #i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i #hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day

[ladylovesloki]

The Fated Apple: Part Two

Pairings: Loki x Reader

Warnings: Language

Summary: You and Loki are dealing with the results of Idunn’s ritual.

A/N: Alright here’s part two. Thank you for all of the lovely comments, likes and reblogs 💚

Part One

“This can’t be real.”

You burst through your bed chamber door.

“This can’t be real.”

“Y/n! Y/n, you have to go back!”, Jane follows closely behind. Frigga and some of her ladies following closely behind her.

“This can’t be real.”, you’re repeating yourself in your panic.

Jane looks to Frigga, “I think she’s having a panic attack.

Frigga steps in front of you slowly, “y/n you must take a breath.”

You look at her, “this can’t be real. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This can’t be happening.”

Frigga puts her hands on your shoulders, “this is real, this is happening. You are fated to wed Loki my dear. This is no fault of your own. I know you are heartbroken for your sister but….this is happening.”

Your eyes fill with tears again and you look over Frigga’s shoulder to look at your sister.

“Jane…I’m…I’m so…”. You can’t even finish your apology you’re so choked up with tears.

Jane takes you from Frigga and gives you a tight hug. “I know sis. You don’t have to be sorry. If there is anything I have learned from being here it’s that whatever the Norns have decided will be. You don’t have to be sorry…for anything.”

Her understanding just makes you cry more.

There’s a light knock on the door.

“Goddess Idunn.”, Frigga greets her.

“Queen Frigga,”, she nods at the Queen and then looks to you. “Are you alright dear?”, she asks sweetly.

You shake your head, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t meant to disrespect you or your ritual but…how can this be? Loki and I don’t even get along that well! How are we supposed to be together? Forever? When I came here with my sister I thought I would be watching her receive that apple. She’s the one who fell in love with a prince. Not me! I didn’t want any of this!”

You’re starting to panic even more now. Every word coming out of your mouth is sending you into a spiral.

Idunn places her hands on your shoulders, “breathe my dear. Just breathe for me.”

You do as she says and take a deep breath.

And then another.

And then another.

You close your eyes on your next big breath. When you open them again you see Idunn staring kindly at you.

“I’m sorry.”, you say again. Tears rolling down your face.

Idunn wipes them away.

“Sweet girl, you have nothing to be sorry for. I can imagine how overwhelming this is for you. For the four of you. I know how much Prince Thor wanted your sister to be his one. As much as she would’ve liked him to be hers. But it is not what the Norns plan is for them.”

“What if I don’t want their plan for me?”

Idunn smiles sadly at you, “my child everything the Norns wish to be will be. There is nothing you, Prince Loki or I can do about it.”

“What if I just leave? What if Loki and I just stay away from each other for the rest of my life?”, you ask hopefully.

“One way or another, yours and Prince Loki’s path would cross again. But I must warn you. Delaying the Norns can have terrible consequences.”

You look down, forcing more tears out of your eyes.

Another light knock on the door reveals Thor.

“Forgive my intrusion ladies. Mother, I need your assistance with Loki. He is…not taking this news well.”

Frigga nods, “Goddess Idunn if you would be so kind as to accompany me. I feel hearing this from you will help my son come to terms with his fate.”

Idunn nods, “of course.”

She looks to you again and puts her finger under your chin to life your head up. “Do not worry child, all will be well.”

You nod and give and small curtsy to the goddess and queen. They both smile at you and leave with all of their ladies. Leaving you, Jane and Thor alone.

Thor clears his throat. “I am truly sorry, to the both of you.”

Jane walks up to Thor and takes his hand in hers, “no apologizing. No one could’ve known this would be the outcome. Especially those two.”

Jane looks over to you and sees you’re not even paying attention to them. Your face as white as a sheet.

“She’s not taking this very well.”

Thor shakes his head, “neither is my brother…we have much to discuss Jane.”

She looks down sadly, “I know. I just want to make sure she’s ok before I leave her.”

Thor nods again and turns to call in one of the maids, “would you please fetch a healer with some sleeping tonic please?”

The chambermaid nods and immediately leaves the room.

Thor turns back to Jane, “that will at least help her calm tonight. Hopefully rest will do her good.”

Jane nods, “thank you.”

The healer arrives shortly after and gives you the tonic and you fall into a blissful, dreamless sleep.

***************************************************

“Mother! I will not be tied to a mortal for eternity!”

“My son. What will you do then? Defy the Norns? There is nowhere you can disappear to that will stop them from seeking retribution.”

“I do not care.”

“Really Loki, is it truly that terrible? Y/n is a delightful young lady. Intelligent. Beautiful. I see her in the library almost daily whenever she visits. Our people love it when she is here. The Norns could’ve fated you with much worse.”

Loki gives his mother a blank stare.

“Mother. Please.”

“Prince Loki, as we told y/n there is nothing anyone can do that can change this.”, Idunn explains softly.

“She doesn’t want this either. You mean to force her?”, Loki asks Frigga. Hoping the idea of taking your choice away abhorrent to her.

“No one is forcing her Loki. You know how the Norns work. Do you wish to anger them?”

Loki looked down to his feet. He knew well the fury of the Norns when they feel they have been disrespected.

“Queen Frigga, this has been a most trying day for everyone involved. Why don’t we leave Prince Loki to his thoughts and discuss this in the morning.”, Idunn suggests.

Frigga nods her head, “yes I agree. Loki we will see you in the morning.”

Loki nods and bows to Idunn. Once they leave his room he goes to his bath chamber and starts a bath for himself. Maybe I nice soak will help him come to a decision about all of this.

****************************************************

The following morning everyone arrives at the private royal dining room.

Everyone except you.

“I can’t find her anywhere, I went to her rooms so we could walk here together but she wasn’t there. Thor and I checked the library but she wasn't there either.”

“Maybe she took the situation into her own hands and decided to run. Pity.”, Loki says dryly.

“Loki enough. We must find her.”, Frigga says with a bit a worry in her tone. “Go and speak with Heimdall.”

“Why must I go to speak to him?”

“Because you are to spend eternity with that girl. She will soon be your responsibility.”, Frigga explains exasperated by her son.

Loki rolls his eyes and turns to leave the room to go to the observatory.

“I will accompany you Prince Loki.”, Idunn stands and walks to Loki.

Loki nods and holds out his arm politely for Idunn to take.

They exit the dining room and begin their walk, followed closely by Idunn’s ladies. “I know this is very overwhelming for you My Prince but some part of you must see the blessing this is.”

“Forgive me, it is hard for me to see a forced union as a blessing.”

“Forced? My dear boy. There are many people in this realm and outside of it who are truly forced into unions. This union is blessed by the Norns themselves. They created you both for one another.”

Loki looks at the goddess, “we tolerate each other. Most of her visits here we go out of our way to avoid each other. It certainly feels that if we were created for anything it was to irritate each other.”

Idunn smiles, “and you believe your own mother and father liked each other when they first met?”

“It did not matter what they felt. It was for duty. This is for…”

“Destiny. This is destined My Prince. And the harder you two fight against it, the harder the Norns will try and make their chosen path for you come to fruition.”

“I still don’t understand. Why me? Why her?”

“Because it could only be you and it could only be her.”

They arrive at Heimdall’s observatory and see him in his usual spot.

“Goddess Idunn, Prince Loki. I am honored by your visit.”

“I assume you know why we are here Heimdall.”, Loki gets to the point.

Heimdall nods, “yes the Lady y/n. She came here early this morning begging to go home. After I refused her request I suggested she visit your mothers gardens before she attended the morning feast.”

“Is she there now?”, Loki asks.

Heimdall has a faraway look for a moment, “yes. She is alone and…she still seems to be coming to terms with the result of the ritual.”

Loki nods and turns to Idunn, “mystery solved. Now, Goddess Idunn I’m sure you’re ready for your morning meal with my family.”

Loki extends his arm for Idunn to take so they could make their way back to their breakfast.

Reaching out to wrap her arm around his Idunn smiles at Loki, “Prince Loki. We must go retrieve the Lady y/n.”

“She clearly wants to be alone, I intend to respect her wishes.”, Loki goes to move forward but is stopped in his tracks when Idunn doesn’t move an inch.

He looks to the goddess who has a small, patient smile on her face.

“You’re not going to until we collect her I assume.”

“You assume correctly. Come along now, it has been ages since I have been to your mothers gardens.”

This time Idunn moves forward first, clearly excited to see the gardens and to finally get the reluctant young hearts to see they are fated to be together.

After a short walk, Loki and Idunn arrive at Frigga’s gardens. They hear quiet sniffling.

They turn a corner around some high bushes and see you kneeling in front of a bushel of white roses.

Idunn looks down at you sadly and speaks to Loki telepathically so she does not startle you.

“Prince Loki, I understand this might be hard for you to accept. But out of all of the people in this universe, no one will understand your feelings better than her.”

He looks at you from afar and sees your shoulders shake slightly, your body shaking from your crying and anxiety.

“I do no wish for her to understand me. I do not wish to be bound to that woman. She is rude, pertinacious, argumentative…”

“Some traits I have heard many describe you have My Prince.”, Idunn jokes to lighten his mood.

“You wound me oh glorious lady.”

“My Prince, she is in pain. Mortals have the understanding that their lives last a mere 100 years. To have been told that your life will now extend to almost 5000 years? Can you imagine what she must be thinking? What she must be feeling?”

“I’d imagine the same way I felt when I found out Odin and Frigga are not my true parents. Finding out I am not Asgardian…”

“Yes and you pushed everyone who loves you away, yes?”

Loki nods.

“Do not let her suffer the same fate. The Norns have decided that that woman is the one being in this universe you are destined to protect. To guide. To hope with, to dream with….to love. She is your partner is this life and the next. And as much as you are those things to her, she is to you.”

Loki continues to look forward as Idunn speaks to him in his mind. Everything she is saying sounding more and more like a fantasy.

No.

“That all sounds like someone else’s destiny. Not mine. The Norns made a mistake.”, and with that Loki walks away from you and Idunn.

The Goddess watches Loki walk away and she takes a deep breath. This is going to be a challenge. But she loved challenges.

Idunn steps forward and the sound of her steps makes you quickly take a glance over your shoulder. Once you confirm you’re not alone, you quickly turn your head back to the flowers and wipe your tears away. Once you clear your face of your tears, you quickly rise to your feet and curtsy to the goddess.

“Your grace. Forgive me I..”

Idunn raises her hand to stop you, “there is nothing to forgive. Yesterday was a shock.”

You look down to the ground and nod, tears once again falling down your face.

“How am I supposed to accept this? He can’t stand me.”

“And you?”

“I try and avoid him every visit. What do you think?”

Idunn giggles remembering her conversation with Loki, “the Norns love irony I will give you that. Have you ever tried simply speaking to the prince? Maybe he is not as bad as you believe him to be.”

“With all do respect, he tried to take over my world. He has called me a mewling quim more times than I can count and anyone will tell you he avoids me just as much as I avoid him.”

“So you know the worst of him. But what if…what if you learned the best of him?”

“I don’t want to know the best of him. I don’t want to know him at all.”, you give a slight bow and then walk away from Idunn. No intention of going to breakfast.

Idunn looks up to the sky and looks back to her ladies who have been following her quietly. She smiles at them, “that went well.”

The ladies give her small smiles. Knowing she wasn’t going to get anywhere else with the young stubborn couple, Idunn starts making her way to the royal dining room where the rest of the royal family is waiting.

When she arrives, Frigga looks to her with hope in her eyes but all Idunn could give her was a small shake of her head.

“You and I have our work cut out for us I’m afraid.”, Idunn addresses Frigga.

Frigga lets out a small exhale, “did you find lady y/n?

“We did but..the prince and lady y/n are still resisting.”

Idunn sits down with the remaining royal family and Jane deciding to put the issue to rest for now.

****************************************************

You’re on your bed, sobbing into your hands until you hear a soft knock a your door.

Jane enters, “hey..you ok?”

You sit up, “I should be asking you that.”

Jane smiles sadly at her.

“I feel so selfish, your special night was ruined.”

Jane sits at the foot of your bed by your feet, “you’re not selfish. I know that if it didn’t happen the way it did and neither of us got an apple you would’ve been there wiping away my tears. Thor and I have talked and we think it’s best if we break up.”

You close your eyes, sit up and grab your sisters hands, “I’m so sorry Jane.”

Jane shrugs and you can see tears starting to well in her eyes, “I know. It was a difficult decision but Thor doesn’t want me to waste time. If I’m going to find the person I’m meant to be with then we need to end it. And the same for him, he just has a lot more time to waste than I do.”, she smiles sadly.

You look down at your hands, “how am I supposed to do this?”

Jane squeezes your hands, “maybe give it a try? Maybe he’s not that bad. Maybe he needs someone like you in his life.”

You shake your head, “he hates humans Jane. He’s never going to treat me like an equal.”

“Well then maybe it’s you that opens his eyes. Maybe your meant to help him be a little more open minded.”

You huff a laugh, “doubt it.”

“You won’t know until you try.”

You don’t leave your rooms for the rest of the day. Your maids bring you food and get a nice relaxing bath made for you. You fall into a dreamless sleep after falling into bed.

****************************************************

The following morning Odin is meeting with his high council.

“Allfather. This news of Prince Loki’s future lady is…well..”

“It is what? Spit it out.”, Odin grumbles, not wanting to talk about the subject that has been the talk of the palace and far beyond it.

“Well Allfather, as you know we have been negotiating with Vanaheim to have Prince Loki betrothed to one of their princesses…since this news has spread across Asgard…Vanaheim is now questioning said betrothal.”

“We cannot go against the Norns will Alarian.”, Odin grumbles again.

“Of course Allfather. It’s just…this union…it has no benefit to Asgard your grace.”

“No benefit? My son finding his destined mate is no benefit?”, Frigga cuts in coldly. She doesn’t attend Odin’s council meetings often but she knew this would be a topic of discussion.

“I mean no disrespect Allmother.”

“What do you suggest Lord Alarian? Are you suggesting we ignore the Norn’s will?”

“No Allmother. I’m afraid the council from Vanaheim might feel…slighted by this.”

“I will deal with the council of Vanaheim.”, Frigga responds confidently. Leaving no more room for discussion.

“Of course Allmother. My apologies.”

Frigga nods and takes note of all of the councilmen that seem to have similar opinions on the matter.

****************************************************

You find yourself in a room filled empty canvases. You approach the lady who was currently painting by a window. Just like everyone else here on Asgard, she’s beautiful. The blackest hair you have every seen tied up in a high bun and beautiful green eyes.

“Excuse me..Is this a class or something?”

“In a way.”, the lady responds and bows slightly, “I’m Ana”.

You smile and nod your head, “nice to meet you, I’m..”

“Lady y/n. I believe everyone in all of Asgard knows who you are by now.”

You nod and look down, feeling the urge to want to hide again.

Sensing your discomfort Ana changes the subject, “this place was created by the Allmother, it can be for painting, reading, poetry, music. Anything a creative mind needs. Today I felt like painting. Would you like to join me?”

“I’m a terrible painter.”

She smiles, “that’s alright. Sometimes I just splash paint against an empty canvas to let out an emotion I cannot express. Give it a try, I’m here if you need anything.”

You walk up to an empty canvas, a table is set up next to it where the paint should be.

“Umm. Where do I get the paint?”

“Just think of the colors you need and they will appear as needed.”

You look at Ana skeptically.

She laughs at your expression. “Trust me my lady.”, she turns back to work on her own canvas.

You take a deep breath and close your eyes, you don't even know what you want to paint. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was that fucking apple. You open your eyes and see paints of various colors. Gold, white and a little bit of green. You’re mind creates an image of the golden apple sitting in the middle of white roses. The same ones you were sitting in front of yesterday.

Now that you have an idea of what you wanted to paint you got to work.

An hour passes.

And then another.

And then another.

You’re so lost in your painting that you don’t notice someone looking over your shoulder closely.

“That’s…nice…”

You look over your shoulder and you see Ana looking at your artwork.

If you can call it artwork.

Your flowers looks like little white blobs sitting on top of green blobs and then there’s a gold blob sitting in the middle. The only thing making it look like an apple is the little brown stem you drew on the top of it with a little green leaf. Both things the actual golden apple did not have. But you had to make it look like an apple somehow.

“You’re being kind.”

Ana smiles, “That I am. Come over here.”

You follow Ana over to her canvas and you are immediately confused because it is blank. What had she been working on for the last few hours?

She sees the confusion on your face and just as you are about to ask her what you were supposed to be looking at another blank canvas appears next to it. Another small table with all of the paints and brushes you need appear as well.

You look at back to Ana and she gives you another sweet smile, “this is how you paint a rose.”

For the next 2 hours, Ana teaches you how to paint the image you originally wanted to. Hers turned out significantly better than yours of course but your painting skills improved greatly thanks to her help. Your roses looked like roses and your golden apple looked a lot more like the golden apple that appeared in Idunn’s box.

“Beautiful. You’re a fast learner.”

You smile, “thank you! I couldn’t have done it without your guidance.” You take a deep breath, “thank you for this…really. I have so much on my mind and I just needed a distraction.”

“I understand my lady. Perhaps tomorrow I can teach you something else?”

“I would like that very much. Thank you again.”, your stomach growls. You clearly skipped lunch and almost dinner.

“I should get going, I’ll see you tomorrow? Same time?

Ana nods, “I shall be here.”

You nod and leave the room. Ana looks back at your painting and smiles.

A flash of green shines on the canvas and it’s Loki that is staring at your painting.

“A fast learner indeed…hmm..”

To be continued…

Tag List: I apologize if I forgot anyone. Part three is being written 💚

@mintfrostflower @lotrefcp @mostlymarvelgirl @tekutiger @missingdadneto @rcailleachcola @fire-in-her-veinz

#loki fanfiction #loki x reader #loki #loki fanfic #imagine loki #loki smut #loki imagine #loki fluff #mcu loki #jotun loki #frost giant loki #queen frigga #enemies to lovers #eventual happy ending #thor and jane #thor

[writingroom21]

The Nanny

Pairing: Rafe x Nanny Reader

Summary: Being Wheezie's nanny was great. The only downside was dealing with the oldest Cameron, Rafe. What happens when his fascination with the nanny becomes a reality?

Warnings: Fluff, 18+, unprotected sex (wrap it up y'all), cream pie, mention of oral, fingering (f receiving), mentions of drugs

Wc:8.2K

A/N: Sorry for the long wait it has been a hectic week. I had a lot to do for this job I applied for so I was busy. But good news is that I got it! Anyway last chapter which is sad, but I hope you enjoy. Thank you for all the love this series has gotten. I owe it all to everyone of you!

Chapter 9: Laying All Our Cards Down

There’s a tickling feeling on your chest. It slowly stirs you from your sleep. The objects in you dream fading into shapes, then blobs of random color. Your hand goes to relieve the itch, still half asleep. Your fingers brush against a hand, their fingers the cause of what woke you. 

Rafe’s eyes watched you as you woke up, his fingers dropping the pendant to lace together with yours. Your eyes squint open slightly foggy from sleep still. They clear and Rafe is staring at you, his fingers playing with yours. “You put the necklace back on.” He points out, fine lines wrap his eyes showing his confusion. 

“Yeah.” You carefully look at his face, waiting to see if he will mention last night. “Why?” His blue eyes are burrowing into yours, forcing you to look at him. “You know why.” You won’t be the first to bring it up. Refusing to let him back you into a corner to crack you. His nostrils flare, a sharp breath leaving. “I don’t deserve you. It would never work anyway.”

There he is doing it again. Taking back the things he says, leaving you broken. “Well that’s not for you to decide.” Your voice is tense, starting to get upset at where he’s about to go. “How are you feeling?” He’s trying to ignore this conversation. Once you have it there’s no going back.

He can’t sit here and wait for you to leave him. You may be forgiving him now but in the end you will leave him. His mom died to get away from him, his dad would sell him out in a heart beat to get away from him, no one stays. That’s the one thing he learned growing up. The only constant in his life will only be him.

“Don’t ignore me.” You exclaim, your body shooting up to look down at him. “We are having this conversation now. I just want this to be over with.” Your eyes burn him so badly that he has to look behind you at the wall. “I’m not. Just worried about how you feel after what happened.” Liar. You both know he’s not telling the truth

 “Please don’t tell me that you really don’t want anything to do with me. This means something to me.” Your voice is hopeful, wanting him to say he feels the same as you. “Last night was scary until it wasn’t. That’s because I had you. Now please talk to me.” You plead.

Rafe turns his gaze back to you. His red eyes are lined with tears, he knows what he needs to say. It’s just hard for the words to form and make their way out. “This means something to me too.” It’s a whisper, afraid if he says it loudly he’ll wake up from this dream to reality. To a place where you won’t forgive him, a place where he doesn’t have you. “I’m scared you are going to leave me.” He admits, swallowing his pride.

“Why would you think that? Is that how you view me?” Your mind is trying to wrap around his confession. If that’s what he thought of you then you are hurt even more. You could slightly stand the thought of him just not wanting you anymore. The thought of him not trusting you, thinking that you would just leave hurts worse than when you caught him kissing someone else. A panic rises in your body due to your emotions.

Rafe picks up on this, his hand rubbing the arm that is holding you up. Giving you comfort as he speaks. “That’s not what I mean. I just…” He flops on his back to stare at the ceiling. You place a hand on his chest. Returning the sense of safety he gives you. “Everyone leaves me. You know how sad it is that the only person to actually worry about me since my mom died was you? Before her death my dad hated me and it only got worse after. No one has ever liked me and I was okay with that. Then you show up and change everything. I can’t lose that, I won’t be able to handle it.”

You watch each other, letting the words sink in. He’s shocked he even indulged in that conversation, you are just as shocked that he opened up. “So why would that mean I would leave you?” His hand lays on top of the one you kept on his chest. Giving your fingers a squeeze. “It’s inevitable, everyone leaves. Only a matter of time before you realize I’m worth nothing and you leave too. I’m just cursed.” His fingers have a tight hold on you. Using you as his life line, tethering him to the real world as he feels like he’s drowning.

This talk is starting to feel too real for him. Highlighting all of his flaws to put on a talent show for you. A bright spot light shining on a RUN sign to ward you off. You can feel how fast his heart is beating, pounding against his chest. “You are worth something.” Your hand leaves his, cupping his cheek to make him see you. “You Rafe Cameron are worthy of love. I’m sorry no one was smart enough to see it. But I do.” 

Rafe leans up, closing in on you. “You don’t know half of the shit that goes on in my head. I’m not good enough for you. I couldn’t even get this shit right, I’ll only hurt you more.” His hand brushes hair out of your face, tracing your brow and then your lips. “I won’t hurt you. You deserve better than this.”

A tear runs down his cheek and you wipe it. “See that right there just proves you won’t hurt me. I didn’t want to see it at first but you owned your mistake. You ran after me that night and begged me to talk to you. You kept asking me to give you a chance to speak. Then you gave me those flowers with the note and I realized I was shutting you out. I was afraid of you not wanting me and I iced you out.” You take a deep breath before continuing.

“I’m scared too. It’s okay to be scared, we both let it get the best of us. What counts is what we do after. You kept trying, I hope it’s because you care-” “I do. I care.” He interrupts. “See you care and you tried to put in the effort. You even gave me space because you wanted to respect what I wanted. You made a mistake but you are trying to fix it. You might not see it but you are good. You deserve to be loved, don’t punish yourself for something that isn’t your fault.”

His lips crash on yours, stealing the air from your lungs. The kiss is all consuming, devouring you from the inside out. A moan slips out of your mouth, your hand gripping his shoulder. The sound was like an alarm, alerting him of what he was actually doing. He pulls away from you, his hand moving to your chest to put distance between you both. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that.” 

“Stop taking everything back. I want this too, stop running away from us.” There’s some commotion in the hallway but you ignore it. Voices get louder for a second and then fade as they go down the stairs. His eyes catch the pendant on the dainty chain held on your neck. 

He remembers the day he bought it. He had just dropped you off to get the food and stopped at the store. Rafe was walking back to his truck with the bags in his and had to pass the jewelry store. When he got to the front of the shop he looked over and something in him took over. He just had to go inside.

As he walked in, the man behind the counter greeted him. “Are you looking for something specific?” The older man asks. Rafe just shakes his head. “Just looking.” He walks around the store, aimlessly looking at the pieces laying around. He’s not really sure why he came in or why he is even looking at anything. Just when he was going to turn around and leave the store, that's when he saw it.

A dainty necklace that had a sun charm on it. He walks closer to it on instinct, being drawn to it like a beacon. It’s silver, which fits perfectly with the rest of your jewelry, he thinks. The only things you wear is silver, never any gold seen on your skin. “Nice necklace right?” The old man pipes in.

“Huh?” Rafe looks at the guy who is now in front of him. “The necklace. Just got it recently, no one seems to want it.” Rafe looks back down to it. “There a girl you want to get it for.” He just nods, pulling out his wallet without thinking. “Yeah my girl. She uh, she’s like the sun. Thought it would be fitting.”

The man opens the case, taking the piece out for Rafe to see up close. “She must be special then.” Rafe just smiles, looking at the guy as he slides his card over. “You have no idea.” The guy doesn’t move from his spot, looking at the boy that reminded him of when he was younger. “You know it comes with a ring. It was a set this old lady brought in.” He walks over to a different case and pulls the ring out, walking back to the boy. 

“Would you be interested in buying that as well or just the necklace.” Rafe has half a mind to chew the man out for trying to up-sell him. The ring is a band made of silver as well, carvings of a little sun with stars surround the band. His mind is telling him he has no need for the ring. Then the voice in his head stops him, instead of degrading himself it does something different. It reminds him of the car ride, the feeling he had as he looked at you.

He meant it when he said that you were like the sun. A dazzling ray of sunshine personally made for him. You are the greatest thing that’s happened to him in his shitty lifetime. You deserve to feel special too.

“I’ll take them both.” He knows why he got the ring. A part of him deep down knowing that he was falling in love with you. The other part rationalizing the purchase as wanting the old man to fuck off. “You remind me of when I met my wife.” Rafe stops at the door and looks back at the guy who helped him. “I was so in love with her that I bought her an engagement ring a month into seeing her. You just have the same look that I had. I wish you two the best of luck.”

The memory now seems laughable to him. Some random old man could spot how Rafe felt before he could even tell. He only gave you the necklace because he was scared of what he said, he couldn’t have been in love. Leaving the ring in the first drawer on the bedside table. Now he sees just how dumb he really was, he didn’t have anything to worry about. 

“Your love.” That’s all he says to you, leaving you more confused. “What about it?” He chuckles at you, giving you a quick peck. “That’s my favorite song, Your love. I didn’t have one when you asked but I have one now.” This really isn’t helping his case. You sit up fully, looking at him like he’s dumb. He hates that look, especially coming from you. “What the hell does that have to do with any of this? Rafe I’m being serious here, you can’t just keep changing the subject. If you don’t want this anymore just say it.” You kinda feel stupid now. You thought he wanted to work things out, that last night was a step forward in the right direction. But clearly not.

“It’s the song that was playing in the car after Barry’s.” Okay now he’s just getting on your nerves. Who cares what song was playing in the car ride. When you go to speak he puts his hand on your mouth to cover it. “I just couldn’t stop looking at you. You were glowing, so pretty that I couldn’t think straight. My heart felt like it was ready to jump out my chest and my body felt weird. Everything shifted in that moment for me.” His hand lowers, his eyes telling you to not say anything.

“I’ve always had feelings for you, I know that. I’m not dumb. I just thought it was because you didn’t give me the time of day and were so nice. That night when you caught me I figured you would walk away and I got caught up in the moment. Then it escalated and I couldn’t get rid of the taste of you. Every touch was as addicting as the last, I kept craving it. That song, in that moment made me realize how much I actually liked you. Got that necklace right after I left you to get the food. I guess it was my way of telling you I loved you without putting it into words.” 

He said it again, love. Rafe froze the moment his brain caught up to his words. He can’t believe this is how he is saying it. Right after he just figured it out he goes on blurting it to you. Not only that he tells you when you aren’t even together. This is honestly the dumbest he felt and he just said how he isn’t dumb. Good job Rafe.

“Fuck I can’t believe I just said that. Ignore me.” His hands rub his face as he freaks out. Your fingers wrap around his wrist, exposing his face to you. “You said it last night so don’t worry.” You lay down, your chest pressed against his side as he wraps himself around you. “What do you mean?” He plays with the ends of your hair to ground himself. “Last night as you were falling asleep you said you loved me. I just thought it was the drugs and you were out cold after you said it.”

“Oh.” Yeah he has to take his dumb statement back, he definitely is. If he’s already said it then there’s no taking it back, he’s got to commit to it before he chickens out again. “It wasn’t the drugs. Yeah they helped me say it but I meant it. They didn’t make those feelings, they were already there.” You smile, the heaviness you felt being melted away. You move closer to his face.

“Here’s what you missed after you fell asleep. I love you too.” It’s his turn to smile. This one reaches his eyes, creases deepening from the joy. His hand cups your cheeks, thumb caressing your cheek. Pulling you to him, kissing you deeply. Pouring all his feelings into you, hoping you are feeling just an ounce of what he does. He pulls back to talk to you but you have other plans. 

Your lips trail down his neck as he fights to stay level headed. “I meant it when I said I don’t deserve you.” He murmurs into your shoulder, pressing kisses to your skin. You stop, not wanting to move in case this is going in the wrong direction. “But I want to be. I don’t want to be this person anymore. I want to be someone you deserve.”

“I like you the way you are. You don’t have to change for me.” He tugs your hair, coming face to face with your eyes. “I want to do it for me, for us. I don’t like who I am without you, I’m just some addict no one likes. I don’t need to be that anymore, I know I can be different.”

The words seem more for him than they are for you. A way of telling himself that he can get clean and he is worth being with you. “Then I’ll be there every step of the way. I believe in you.” That’s the first time someone has said that to him. He’s been told he was loved before, but not one has believed in him. Now that he’s said he loved you, the feeling keeps bubbling up. 

Like it’s boiling in him ready to spill out once it gets too much. The way you care for him is unsettling due to it being so new, he’s not used to this. But he can get used to the feeling it gives him. The sparks of joy lighting his insides like fireworks.

You lean in and kiss him again, enjoying the feeling of having him close. The days following the incident were awful but they seem worth it now. Some obstacle that needed to be overcome before the two of you could open up. You know for sure that once Ward and Rose got back you would have most likely ended things due to the fear. But losing each other showed you that it’s not what the two of you wanted. You wanted each other.

This kiss was getting heated, your leg bracketing his hips between yours. As you start to grind on him, he stops you. “We should stop.” There’s a knock at the door before you could ask him why. “Who is it?” He shouts towards the door, fingers digging into your flesh as you roll your hips. “It’s Wheeze. Where is she?” You both look at each other not knowing what to do. “She’s not in her room or the house and I know she’s in there.”

Of course she would check everywhere for you. “Go back to your room Wheeze or wherever. I’ll be out shortly.” You answer, trying to get her to leave . “Fine but I better not hear any moaning. Just because I’m okay with this doesn’t mean I want to see it.”

Her footsteps retreat as you giggle. “I want us to take things slow this time. I don’t want to rush in and fuck things up. We should do this properly.” Your fingers drag along his chest, you are still sitting in his lap. “We can do that. Where do we start?” He grins up at you.

“How about a date?”

✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶ 

After that morning you had a talk with Wheezie. You and Sarah sat her down to tell her that the night before was not okay. “Wheeze you could have gotten hurt. Someone could have spiked your drink or worse.” You try to reason with her, conveying your worry for the young girl. “I know but nothing happened. I’m fine.” “And if you weren’t? How do you think dad would have reacted if he found out? You would be grounded and out a nanny.” Sarah chimes in, not really making her sister feel any better. “I know you wanted to hang out with your friends but you need to do it safely. Where were they when Sarah found you? You were alone and drunk Wheeze.”

“It wasn’t supposed to go like that. Sure I had a drink or two but I just wanted you to come find me. I thought you would run into Rafe and everything would fix itself. But hey look it worked.” She’s trying to lighten the mood and it ain’t working. You sigh, not knowing what to say. This mess of a night happened all because Wheezie parent trapped you. 

You honestly can’t help but to laugh at the ridiculous thought. “You parent trapped us? Wheeze that’s sweet you cared enough to help us, it really is. But maybe don’t do things that put you in harm's way and give me a heart attack. I was scared when Sarah couldn’t find you and you wouldn’t answer phone calls.” Thinking back at it now she can see how messed up a plan that really is. “It was stupid. I’m sorry for scaring you.”

The rest of the day was simple. Relax around the house as Wheeze was feeling the aftershocks of drinking. Rafe had chilled with you for a little before running off to do lord knows what. But when he got back it was with a single yellow rose and your favorite chocolates. “Thought you could add it to break up the white.” He makes it seem so effortless, as if he has always done this. You don’t understand why he was so worried.

“How about a date on Saturday?” He asks, picking a chocolate to eat. “Sure what are we going to do?” There’s chocolate smeared on his teeth when he answers. “That’s for me to worry about and for you to find out. Now I’m going to go up stairs and shower. Come up and we can watch Bob Burgers or something.” He finishes off with giving you a kiss, walking out like nothing.

You watch as he leaves, a smile displayed. He remembers the small things about you. The foods you like, shows you watch, he sees you. He may not realize it yet but you do deserve him. He can do all of this without you asking, you are used to having to beg for things you want.

Needed new stuff for school beg your parents. When they say no, beg your job for more pay for just that week. First boyfriend, beg him to even notice you when it didn’t come to sex. You had to beg friends to stay in your life even after they hurt you. The last person to care about you in this way has been gone for years. Now a memory you play back to make yourself feel loved. But here he is, the playboy of Kildare, giving you that same love. 

As you make your way to his room you promise yourself one thing. You won’t give up on him, he deserves happiness just as much as you do.

The rest of the week goes similar to that day. You and Rafe would sneak off to spend time with each other. Sharing secret kisses away from prying eyes. Rafe knows that Ward is suspicious, he had made a comment at lunch the other day. “The two of you seem close again.” He stared blankly at his dad. “Just be safe.” It felt like some validation was thrown his way. It’s not like he was trying to hide you but sneaking around made it more fun.

Everyone already knew that whatever happened was water under the bridge, but it seems like you two didn’t get the notice. 

You giggle as Rafe kisses your neck, teasing your bikini straps with his fingers. “Rafe, come one we have to get back. People will start to look for us.” Your words do nothing to stop him. “Let me enjoy my girl. Screw everyone else.” His kisses travel up to your jaw. “Well really can’t screw them if you keep me here.” Rafe knows you are teasing but it rubs him the wrong way.

“You do realize that you’re mine right? Ain’t no way in hell someone else is touching you.” The possessiveness isn’t new but heightened. Since your talk they thought of the other with someone new terrorizes your minds. It’s a new feeling for you, wanting someone to be yours always. To feel a strong sense of anger when thinking of him with someone else. Your arms wrap around his neck, bringing him into a kiss. “I do. As long as you know your mine too.”

“Only yours, baby.” He mumbles on your lips, teeth biting on the lower one to suck in his mouth. “We can go back out now. You go first gotta take care of something.” He nods down to the obvious boner in his pants.  “You know I can help you with that.” You say seductively, fingers brushing against the bulge in his swim trunks. “Let’s wait till after our date tonight, please. Trying to be a gentleman here and treat you right. Plus I don’t put out on the first date.” 

You laugh as you walk away from him.  “No, you just sleep with them before you even ask them out.” You mock him. Leaving Rafe alone to fix his little, well not so little, situation. You grab water from the kitchen before walking back out to the pool. Everyone is there chatting to one another.

A part of the “new” Rafe plan was rebonding with his sisters. Sarah of course was a little wary of the plan but saw how much he actually meant it. She was brought back to when she was little and he would sneak into her room to check for monsters. The little boy who gave her so much comfort was staring at her when he apologized, owning his mistakes and wanting to correct them. Even if she wanted to say no she couldn’t. Even with all of his wrongs he's still her brother and it seems like she’s getting him back.

Wheezie on the other hand was on board once the place was told to her. Being the youngest she doesn’t have many memories with the Rafe before their mom died. The one that was happy and not as broken. She can recall some moments where he cared deeply for her at a young age, barely even an image to see. She never really had issues with him after their mom’s death. Her and Rafe become the background as Sarah was the main event. They connected in a way that they could only understand. She was just happy that Rafe wasn’t as angry as he was before. 

The downside to this plan also meant a new beginning with the pogues, which was hard to do. It took a whole day of you and Sarag convincing everyone that it could work. Which brings you to this right here, pool day. Which is also the same day as your first date. The pogues as well as Topper and Kelce are here. Everyone agreed to be civil for the day, wanting to give Rafe this chance. You don’t know why the pogues said yes but you can’t complain, only happy that they are willing to see the good side of him after all the bad.

It’s been hours of you all getting to know each other. Playing silly games such as never have I ever. It wasn’t till the clock hit four that Rafe realized he hadn’t gotten a moment with you alone. That’s when he dragged you away when no one was looking. That was almost an hour ago, the shame of it all is eating you. Cheeks blushing red as everyone’s eye’s turn to look at you.

They just carry on with conversation, not mentioning what they all knew. You're relieved as you sit down, even more when Rafe sits besides you. His arms wrapping around your shoulder so you are leaning into him. Looking around makes you happy. Rafe has been great all day, no pogue comments or rude remarks. Your friends seem to be having a good time, joking around as if this was a normal day.

The feeling continues as you get ready for your date. Your jams in the shower only improve your mood as you shave. Extending as you pick out your dress, smile so wide your cheeks hurt. You are putting on earrings when there’s a knock on your door. “Come in.” You look in the mirror to see if there are any finishing touches needed. “Wow.” It sounds more like a breath than words. 

“You look beautiful. Maybe we should stay home instead, don’t need people seeing you like this.” He walks in the room, flowers abandoned on your dresser. “Actually nevermind, I want people to see that my girl is taken.” His hands land on your waist, arms hugging you from behind. “Your girl?Taken?” He loves when you tease him. That shit normally pisses him off, yet with you he can’t help but love it. “Yeah my girl. Always been my Sunny.”

He really hasn’t used the nickname much since you told him not to. You miss when he did. Your name doesn’t feel right coming from his lips. It sounds outrageous but it feels wrong. Even the other nicknames he gave you don’t feel the same. “I miss hearing you say that.” You lean further back to look up at him. “Calling you Sunny?” You hmm in reply. He pecks your lips, then nose, cheek, and finally ear. “I miss saying it. Glad to have my Sunny back.”

He twirls you around in his arms. Breaking away only for the two of you to leave the house. The car ride to the mysterious destination seemed to take forever, every turn just adding to the allotted time. As he drives the beach comes to view, waves crashing against the shore. The truck pulls onto a sandy road in between some trees, leading to an isolated part of the beach.

“Found this spot a couple years back. I usually come here when I want to be alone, but I thought it would be perfect for tonight.” The hand on your thigh tightens and releases the flesh. More of a way to ground himself to say that this was real, not a dream. “Why? Want to murder me where no one can see?” Your joke swayed his nerves. The nervous smile replaced with the one you’ve grown to love. “Haha, very funny. If I was going to kill you I would have done it that day on the Druthers.”

You give him a death stare, his dead tone making it seem like he thought of this before. “What? The sea would get rid of all evidence, nice and simple.” He shrugs, putting the truck in park. “Yeah I don’t like that you’ve thought of this before. Maybe I should have shared my location while I had the chance.” He chuckles, pulling you into a kiss. “Too late.” He retorts, getting out the truck to grab the last minute things from the back.

He had set things up the night before. You and Wheezie were having a movie night and he took the time to set up the place. There were fairy lights wrapped around the bare trees, the trunks illuminated by the light. A bouquet of hydrangeas, your second favorite flowers, were in a vase by two trees. It wasn’t a big space, the truck was parked on the road so it didn’t interfere with the layout. It was the perfect amount of space to be on the sand without getting splashed by the waves.

Rafe takes a few blankets out and walks over to where the vase is. You follow picking them up to set out of the way. “Those are for you. Wanted to get you something different than roses to change things up.” He explains as he lays the blankets down. “Thank you, I love them. They are actually my second favorite.” He gives you this little smirk and a wink. “I know.” Then he’s off getting the last item from the truck bed.

How much does he know about you? It’s like he has this book where he writes everything down so he won’t forget. None the less you like how he remembers the small things. It makes you feel important to him. 

You look to see him walking over to you with a basket. Raising it up, he shows the basket off to you. The other hand was holding a bottle of champagne and two glasses. “You didn’t have to do all of this. We could have just stayed in or got food.” He sits down next to you, placing everything on the blankets. “I wanted to do this. Saw somewhere that your actions speak louder or some shit like that.” Even when he pretends not to care he does 

“You’re really good at this.” Rafe watches you from the side of his eye as he takes out the snacks he packed. “What are you talking about?” He moves the basket once everything is laid out, reaching for a strawberry to take a bite. He brings the strawberry to your lips.You take  nibble, the sweetness of the fruit sitting on your tongue. “The whole relationship thing.” You swallow what you had in your mouth. Rafes eyes watch as your tongue chases and remnites on your lips.

“It’s just you care. You get me my favorite flowers, snacks, it makes me feel special.” “You are special.” You smile at him. “So are you. I just need you to know that I appreciate the effort you are putting in. Especially today with the pogues, it meant a lot to me.” He’s leaning on his side as he listens to your words. Soaking in the praise, relishing in the feeling it gives him. “I meant it when I said I want to change. I know they're important to you, so that makes them important to me. Plus they aren’t that bad, I guess.”

The rest of the night was filled with small talk. Taking the time to know each other better. It was easy to get in the rhythm of sharing information, knowing the other can’t judge. He tells you about every negative thing his dad has done. How he feels useless in his life, that he doesn’t know who to be if it’s not done with anger. In return, you tell him about what it was like living with your parents. The constant pressure to be perfect and bring them money. How after your grandmother died every sense of a normal childhood was taken from you. 

Rafe listens as you divulge your inner demons. Wanting to go to your house to yell at how stupid your parents are. How they should be ashamed of treating you like some cash cow. He realizes you two aren’t so different. Both had different experiences but still the same outcome. A home that never loved you. “Have they talked to you sin-” “No. They refuse to answer all of my texts.”

You are both laying on your backs, heads turned to the other. His hand closest to you grabs yours. Pulling it to his mouth he gives it a peck,resting it back down again. “Then you don’t need them. You have me and I have you. Plus my family loves you so the family part is covered. You’ll always have us.” You tear up, emotions bubbling up in you. “You can’t promise that.”

Rafe scoots closer, hugging you to his chest. “Yes I can.” It was a promise. A way of letting you know this is the long haul for him. He’s always known that you were different by the way you were with everyone. Always been drawn to you in some way, something in him not able to get enough of you. He realized that he can’t be without you during the time you ignored him. He’ll be damned if he has to go a lifetime without your love.

You start to kiss his neck, softly biting the skin with your teeth. “It’s our first date.” Your words are mumbled. “Good observation there babe.” His eyes shut, the sensation of your lips on his skin sending shivers down his spine. “You said after our date.” You remind him. His chuckle causes vibrations on your lips.

“Couldn’t even wait till we got home, just have to have me now. Hmm?” He pulls you over him, your hips slotted with his. Using your hips, he drags you back and forth over his dick. Your clit keeps catching the seam of his pants. “Such a little slut for my dick that you want to fuck me out in the open. Fucking me in the car wasn’t enough?” You moan out. No it wasn’t enough. None of him will ever be enough for you, entranced by the mere thought of him. “Never enough.” You moan again as he leans up, his lips meeting the exposed flesh on your chest. Leaving marks over your chest so he can enjoy the look of them later. “Get up.”

Your hands fly to his shoulders pushing him back. “What?” You stare down at him, trying to see if you crossed a line somehow. “We’re doing it right this time around. The first time we have sex again isn’t going to be on a deserted part of the beach. It’s going to be in my bed or yours. I really don’t care which one.” You huff at him, your breath causing some hairs to fly around. “Well maybe I don’t care about that. Maybe I want you here, right now.” 

Rafe is about to give in, only really wanting to make you happy. Willing to let go of the plan he had of showering you properly for your first date. Then you see the look in his eyes, sort of disappointed his plans are being skewed. “Okay, okay.” You say as you get up and reach a hand out. “You better drive fast or we might have to settle for the car again.”

You meant it when he said he needs to be fast. You were down the street when your hands were gripping him through his shorts. Lips peppering kisses along his neck. Rafe was relieved when he put his truck in park. Throwing to doors open and tossing you over his shoulder as he walks into the house. “Put me down silly.” He ignores you and makes his way up the stairs to his room.

You’re grateful that everyone in the house isn’t up. It’s close to twelve so most likely they are all sleeping. Rafe kicks his door open and then shut once you are in. You let out a squeal when he discards you on his bed. “Take your dress off now.” He commands, taking his shirt and shoes off. “Yes sir.”

Taking the dress off you are left in your white lingerie on display. He lets out a whistle, placing himself on top of you on the bed. “A perfect little angel.” He kisses up your stomach, stopping at your breasts to suck on them through the cups. “If only god knew what a whore you really are.” He bites one of your nipples, a shocked yelp forcing its way out of your throat. 

“Shhh. We have to be quiet, don’t want to wake them up.” Now that he thinks of it, he should have said yes when you wanted to stay on the beach. At least he would be able to hear the way you moan for him better. He pulls the cups down, nipples pebbling due to the air. 

Your hands work his pants and boxers down, leaving him naked. Next thing to go were your panties. Really they were only pushed off to the side so his fingers can touch you. You’re soaked, his fingers coated in your juices. He swirls them around, teasing your clit before pushing a finger in. A little impatient he adds another, staring as your mouth hangs open.

“There you go, beautiful. Such a good girl.” You haven’t been touched like this since that day on the Druthers. At first you were too heartbroken to do anything. Then too caught up with making up to even think about masturbating. It’s been a while and you are so wound up you could explode. With one last pump of his fingers you do, squelching noises filling the room.

“Rafe. Oh fuck, right there.” You had no time to recover when he was pushing himself in. He couldn’t wait anymore, his dick was aching to be inside you. This is probably the worst time to be so riled up. He’s been trying to make things better with you that he neglected himself. He couldn’t even think about touching himself this whole time. But now that he’s here, feeling your walls clamp around him he knows he fucked up. 

“Fuck… oh fuck.” He encases your body, his forehead on your shoulder. His arms wrap you, bringing your body closer to his as he nails dig into your back. You match his actions, nails dragging on his back, welts rising as you go. His lips can’t stay off of you, kissing any part of you he can get. Your mind is fixated on the feeling of his hips meeting yours.

Rafe’s perfectly huge dick piercing you g-spot over and over again. The two of you are just a mess of words. None of them are even audible yet you still understand the other. “God Sunny.” His fingers get deeper in your flesh, pain increasing your pleasure. “I’m not going to last long.”

Your left hand holds Rafe’s head. “Please.” His hips pick up pace, hurdling the two of you to your ends. You try to switch your positions, wanting to send him over the edge faster. “No no. Want to see your face. Need to see my pretty girl.” His moans are mixing with yours. The only thing that can be heard in the room is skin hitting skiing and your moans. “It’s okay baby. Fill me.” That was the end of him. He moans loudly as he fills you, his release triggering yours. Slowly rocking his hips to watch you awe stocks face for longer.

Rafe lays motionless on you, the orgasim of his life taking everything out of him. Your arms hold him to you, not wanting to let him go. “Shit that was amazing.” His words tickle you, air following them as they leave to dance on your skin. “Tell me about it.”

✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶

It’s been a month since your first date. When Rafe said slow he sure was not kidding. You would fool around when you can but really haven’t had the chance to fully sleep together. Every time you try he finds a reason why you shouldn’t. The furthest you got was when you gave him a blowjob and he ate you out. It’s been a whole month of tiptoeing around to not get caught.

Everyone knows now that you two are practically together. Ward is thankful that the issue is over and you have passed it. He can see Rafe changing, no more fights around the island. But more importantly no more drugs. Rafe quit after you gave him another chance, not fully at first but he got there. Ward was surprised not taking it seriously at first, as time went on he couldn’t deny it. Rafe actually was doing good for the first time in years.

The relationship between Rafe and his sisters had also improved. They spend time together without you now, not for long but they no longer argue. He even hung out with John B, JJ, and Pope alone. Everyone was shocked to see the boys all in one piece. You could say the only issue right now is once again what you and Rafe are.

You know you are exclusive. He had made that clear the night after your date. Saying how he won’t let anyone else get in the way. There was never a conversation about if you are boyfriend and girlfriend. No confirmation that you were fully together. It’s been eating away at you but you want to respect him taking things slow. Which was all fine until the party that happened tonight. 

Rafe was still selling with Barry even though he decided to spot doing drugs. He was going to the party to help push some coke and pills to all of the kooks. Instead of leaving you at home he asked you to go with. “Just come along. We can sit on some couch the whole night.” In truth he just didn’t want to be in a party setting alone. It’s one thing to stay away from drugs when he’s at home, at a party it’s different. 

If he was there by himself he would fall back into temptation. He can still feel the need to get high at times, missing the way it made him numb. Sometimes being sober is too much for him, having to take a few hits of a joint to calm the nerves. Weed and alcohol are the only things he allows himself, since he knows he can control those urges. He needs you there for moral support.

The party was in full swing when you reached the house. Rafe pushes through the house, hand in yours to guide you. He found a couch in the back easily and set up shop. Kook would come by asking for some coke, exchanging cash for a little baggy. Some would sit on the chairs next to the couch and take bumps right there. Others just take their goods and leave. 

Two hours into the party Rafe goes off to the bathroom leaving you alone. The only instructions he gave was to tell anyone who wants to buy to come back later. Which wasn’t a problem, then some guy walked up. “How much for a baggy?”

You look up from your phone to see your ex from highschool. “Ben?” He smiles at you. “Long time no see. Didn’t know that you started selling drugs.” He sits down next to you, leaving arms length of space. “No my… uh no I don’t sell.” You don’t know what to call Rafe. You wanted to say boyfriend but you aren’t really sure.

“Hey.” Rafe’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts. You smile at him but see that he isn’t looking at you. His eyes are trained on Ben. “Hey man. Looks like we got to wait, apparently this saint doesn’t sell.” Ben’s comment pisses Rafe off. “Well I hope not. She would take me out of business.” He’s trying to keep his cool, not wanting to lose his temper after working hard on it.

“Wait, you're the one selling?” Ben asks, he went off to college in a different state so he hasn’t been around much. He doesn't know a lot about Rafe after highschool or you for that matter. Rafe nods at the guy, tossing him a baggy and telling him the price. Ben says your name. “Do you know this guy?” You can’t get the words out since Rafe is answering for you. “Yeah she does. I’m her boyfriend.” 

You look at Rafe, eyes expressing how you feel. When you get happy there’s these golden specks that get brighter. He doesn’t even notice as he and Ben stare at each other. “Wow. Never expected this when we broke up.” The money he was handing over was snatched by Rafe. He wants to punch him in his stupid face. “Yeah well never thought you would cheat on me. I guess we just didn’t know each other.”

The anger Rafe is feeling intensifies. His eyes meet yours, as if you could read his emotions you shake your head. Instead of acting out he gathers the rest of the drugs laying out. Putting them away and grabbing your hand. “Come on baby. Let’s go home.” You try to protest. “Wait, don't you have to sell more?” “Nah go all I needed.” 

Rafe drags you out the house and into the truck. Driving to Tanny hill in silence. “Rafe?” He doesn’t say anything, only focusing on the road. His grip on the wheel is making his knuckles white. “Ray.” The new nickname surprises the two of you. He pulls into the drive-way and sits there. “Ray? That’s new.”

“I don’t know why I said it. Just you call me Sunny and a ray is associated with that. Thought it would be cute, but I don't know.” You feel a little self conscious now. “I like it.” He assures. The truck is silent after. You’re waiting for him to open up to you. “I got jealous.” There it is.

“I know.” He sighs. “You said you were my boyfriend.” He gives you this look. “Yeah no shit. I am.” He doesn’t get why that would be a problem. “You never asked.” Rafe looks at you before laughing. “Fuck I thought it was a given. Just assumed you knew I wanted you to be mine.” Now it’s your turn to laugh. “You’re such a dumbass. You need to ask a girl these things. I’ve been losing my mind over this.”

He gives you a kiss. “Will you be my girlfriend?” The words brush your lips. “Yeah I will.” You kiss him again. Not feeling his hand move around or his body shifting in a weird way. Pulling back something catches your eye. You glance down to see a ring. “What is that?” Rafe grabs your hand and puts the ring on your middle finger. “Got it the same day as the necklace. Was too scared to give it to you at first. This time around I won’t let it get to me. I promise I’m here for the long haul.”

The ring is beautiful, one of the nicest things you own now. Smiling at the boy in front of you, you realize how deep this really goes. Glad that you aren’t the only one who feels the same. “For the long haul.”

#rafe cameron #rafe x reader #rafe obx #obx #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron smut #rafe smut #drew starkey smut #outer banks smut #rafe x you #rafe x nannyreader

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

A New Life 4

Warnings: non/dubcon and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: silverfox!Steve Kemp

Summary: You have an unexpected encounter in the park.

Part of the Silverfox AU

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

That man, a monster in your mind, Steve, lifts you out of the tub. He leans you against him once more and pats you dry with a fluffy towel. You shiver as his roughened fingertips brush your skin. Your head hangs, still too heavy for your neck, and the rest of you shakes as you fight to keep from collapsing.

He hums and wraps you in the towel and his arms. He lifts you with a grunt and carries you back to the bedroom. He lays you down and you groan, dizzy as you sink into the cushy mattress. He sits on the edge, resting his hand on your stomach.

“Still got it,” he smiles and flexes his other arm. “Think I might have given you a generous dose. Sorry about that.”

You blink. Sorry? Not about drugging you and taking you, no, just that it wasn’t perfect. You turn your face away and shudder. You still can’t process any of it. It’s a horror movie come to life.

“You know, I realised something after all these years. You can’t wait for things to happen,” his hand trails over to your arm and he takes your hand, “sometimes you just gotta take what you want.”

“Please,” you murmur, letting your head fall straight, “let me go--”

“Baby, please, you gotta understand. This is good for you. You don’t have as much time as you think,” he traces each of your fingers, admiring them. You try to pull away and he twines his fingers through yours, locking you in his grasp.

“I don’t know you--”

“We got lots of time to get to know each other,” he says, “lots.”

“This-- you can’t-- why?”

“Why not?” He shrugs and smirks down at you. “Sweetheart, we both need someone. I need a companion. Someone kind and warm and you need someone to take care of you.”

He squeezes your hand and you frown. You wriggle free and look away. He sighs and gently taps your thigh. He stands and you hear the clink of the chain. Before you can react, he has the leather cuff around your ankle. His fingers work swiftly to secure it.

“You don’t have to do that,” you utter and push yourself up shakily. You catch the towel, keeping your nudity hidden. 

“Oh, sweetheart, you don’t know what I need. You don't even know what you need,” he tuts and drags his fingertips up your calf, “I’m not gonna hurt you. Well...” he pauses and looks at the ceiling, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Your brows curve and your lips part. What does he mean?

“I know, it’s hard early on. Getting to know each other. Can be a bit awkward but I can take the lead. So, let me show you what I can give you.” He winks and rescinds his touch, his hands going to his hips. “You gotta eat something. You’re gonna feel real cruddy if you don’t soon.”

You stare at him. What? You don’t care about food. You want out of here.

“So, we could start slow; a protein shake, make sure your tummy isn’t too bad,” he bends slightly over you as he puts on a patronizing tone, “how about that, baby?”

“Please...” you whimper.

He sighs and his lashes flutter in agitation, “we’ve moved on. Alright, this is the part where you try. Where you show me that you’re worth it.”

“Worth... what?” You breathe.

“All that effort,” he stands straight and throws up his hands, “all this.” He claps his jeans as he looks around, “all for you.” He shakes his head as he faces you again, “you’re not seeing it clearly. Now right now, I’ll chalk that up to the sedation. You’re foggy, not thinking straight, and maybe you're in a bit of shock.” He shrugs and smiles, “but you get something in ya, let your stomach settle and I’m sure you’ll see everything for what it is.”

You snap your mouth shut and your eyes sting. You watch him nervously. There’s a gleam in his eyes that undermines the curve of his lips.

“So, you like chocolate or vanilla?” He asks. You blink. “For the protein shake.”

You push your shoulders up, “vanilla, I guess.”

“Mm, vanilla,” he licks his lips, “delicious.”

He spins swiftly on his heel and marches away. You stare after him as he leaves the door open. Because he can. Because of that thing around your ankle. You shift and bend your leg, feeling the cuff. You pick at the metal part but there’s no catch. How in the hell?

You move back against the pillows with a groan, your muscles searing with the effort. You lean back and hug yourself, fixing the towel to cover yourself as best you can. You sit in the silence as your veins course and your pulse thrums.

You flinch as you hear him coming. He enters, whistling, as he carries a tall glass. He grins as he nears you and holds it out. You can’t move. You just eye the drink.

“I get it, you don’t wanna spill,” he says as he sits again on the edge of the mattress, “I added some whipped cream on top as a little treat.”

You look at the milkshake then back at him.

“You’re welcome,” he says curtly.

You cough and suck in air, “thanks.”

“Like I said, I'll take care of you, just like you need,” he raises the glass and angles the straw towards you, “have a taste. Let me know how you like it.”

You hide beneath your lashes and put your lips around the straw and suck. It’s sweet but not overly. You can taste the earthiness of the protein base. You gulp and pull away.

“Ah, sweetheart,” he reaches for you and you wince. He dabs your lips with his knuckle, “don’t wanna make a mess,” his eyes flick up and down as you glance up, “not yet.”

#steve kemp #dark steve kemp #dark!steve kemp #steve kemp x reader #fresh #au #silverfox au #a new life #series #drabble

[flawiette]

closer

pairing: Eddie x reader (gender not specified)

summary: Eddie comforts you when you feel down

note: this is a Eddie x reader comfort fic I wrote in a hurry to soothe myself, if you’d like to, give it a look if you need it :’)

It was yet another night of cold and despair, your hands moist and still on your lap, a static body sat on the sofa. 

Nothing has changed you thought to yourself, noises chanting in your ears from the small telly positioned in the corner of the room as you stared ad the void. 

That room has always been your safe place, but the intensity of those feelings made vulnerability the only option, the only logical thing to do. You looked at the dim light at your right, eyes burning and watering at its ardor, an angry yellow light corroding your orbits. Then you looked at your left where many hats where displayed on a wall, all hung around the wall, symbolising life, adventure. 

You carefully stood up to look at the carefully. One photo after the other, one timid step after the other took you in front of those hats. Your fingertips slowly dancing over the fabric of them 

Life  you thought, as stories on how those had made it to his home creeped into your mind. Stories of laughter, adrenaline, movement, joy, even sorrow; but life.

Like a  reindeer on the highway your eyes open up, as you got scared at the keys opening the door. Him you thought as you caught a glimpse of your reflection in a mirror, looking at your lifeless face.

I look like an animal in a cage, a pained being you thought to yourself, but as your hands made contact with your face to cover it for a few second in sign of shame, you exhaled as the door opened. 

“Sweets I’m home!” Eddie said, with his usual happy tone. You knew he couldn’t see you from the door, so you took a second to chuckle at his demeanour, he loved to play house with you, imagining your future life together in a place of your own. Many where the night after intense love making the two of you would have argued about where the television should be put in your future living room. 

Taking a deep breath, you looked at yourself one last time, and with the delicacy of an actress, you painted a smile on your face to greet him. 

“Hi my love” you said, walking to him at the door. He met you half way, caging you in a hug. If there is something Eddie was known for, was his approach to physical touch. That boy knew no personal space with the people he loved, and you being the one, meant receiving endless amount of affection. 

If only I could tell him you thought as his strong arms started to rub your back, he leaned back slightly, nose scrunched up, smiling widely before saying “I’m missed you so much swe-“. 

He stopped before finishing, his eyes now fixating on you. “What happened my love?” He said carefully, holding your face in his hands. 

“Nothing!” You spat out a little too fast, a nervous laugh at the back at your throat. He looked at you with uncertain eyes before continuing “are you sure my darling? You know you can tell me anything right?” He said, his voice full of love, love, you didn’t deserve it.

“I- I said I’m okay!” You said angrily, trembling like an animal. Eddie looked at you with wide eyes, shocked at the sudden change in your character. You were horrified, that was the first time you’ve ever raised you voice at the other. “I’m- I’m- I…” you said before storming to the bathroom. 

The door clicked, the small fan on, the tile was cold on your bare feet as your hands touched the door, just like your forehead was. A sob escaped you 

Why couldn’t you just keep it in like you always do?

Another one, and another one. When the sobs became easily detectable you took a towel to cry in. 

You messed it up, you messed up the only thing that has ever happened to you. to only true, kind, safe thing that has happened to you. Good job! Now you’ll be alone again, alone in your misery!  You kept chanting in your head, without being able to hear the sounds coming from the other side of the door.

“Darling please open up, let me fix it”

“Did I so something?”

“My love I can’t hear you crying please open”

“Please my love”

Ouh, to hear your lover beg you. Your sobs stopped for a second, letting you hear him partially, he sensed you could hear him and kept going: 

“Angel open the door, we can fix it” 

It’s all my fault, you kept repeating over and over again.

“Nothing is your fault my darling, just open the door”

You felt miserable, vulnerable, pathetic; but if there was someone who you’d let see you like this was him. If there was one you need that’s him, and so you opened the door. 

He found you sat on the ground, nose stuffed, eyes red and cheeks flushed, breath irregular. “Baby” he said as I kneeled down before you as to hug you, covering you in a blanket of love and care. He kept chanting reassuring phrases as the two of you got to the sofa, you in his arms. You sat on his lap, head on his shoulder and body limp on him, vulnerable to the world. Eddie kept stroking your back, kissing you forehead and repeating “everything is okay” “you are okay now I’m here” for almost an hour before you you took the courage to look at him in the eyes. 

You feared annoyance after a long day he comes to a whiny girlfriend? But no. He look at you with kind eyes, a smile on his face as he stroked your left cheek, his cold hand resisting your hot one in battle. As his lips made contact with your forehead you took a deep breath. “There you go angel” Eddie encouraged you.

“I’m so sorry” you whispered.

“What on earth for baby?” His eyes sincerely confused.

“For raising my voice at you, for crying”

“Hey hey hey no no… about rising your voice I accept those, I know you didn’t mean it but I’m glad we are in the same page on that. As for the crying, angel, you should never feel like you have to apologise for feeling”. You looked down as he spoke. 

“It’s happening again right? Those ugly thoughts?” Eddie realised. You nodded to him and in a blink of an eye his arms were even tighter around you, rocking the two of you back and forth. 

“I just can’t help but feel miserable Ed’s, I AM miserable!” You said animatedly as the tears flew down your cheeks. “I don’t have any friends, I’m scared of everything, I don’t know what I’ll do in life… I’m… I’m a freaking failure to myself!”. You said as he lulled the two of you. Sensing that you’d need time before speaking, he gave you time to take a break “I feel like I don’t deserve anything” you whispered, “you included”. 

“Can I talk now baby?” He said after a while. “The day I saw you for the first time I was… I was bewitched. Your kindness, your sweetness. You were so intelligent, so passionate, full of life. And I know it has been hard for you my darling, but you still are that person… she’s just underneath all the pain you are feeling. We can figure out your career together, we can take small steps to make new friends… you aren’t alone my angel” he paused to look at you in the eyes “you are the kindest soul that has ever walked on earth, you are my hearth and my soul. You don’t need to deserve me, I’m yours for eternity”  he said, as you hugged him. 

Your fears may not have ended that night, but with his lips on your forehead, and your body in his arms you knew you were closer than you thought. 

tags: @eddies-acousticguitar @spookyscarydemonbabe @silent-stories @kassy-munson @louloulemons-posts

#eddie munson #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson comfort #eddie munson fanfic #soft!eddie munson

[hopelessromantic5]

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!

Expect a dump of my drafts in the coming weeks.

I love you and I hope you’re having the best gay time.

Here’s a Merthur snippet. Somewhat based on a very specific scene from Heartstopper.

Merlin is there through all of it, with Arthur.

He faces it with nothing but bravery.

And then the parade of brides come waltzing through and Merlin has never been more terrified in his life.

The world as he knows it, may end in the next few months.

It starts with whispers in the kitchens, as most things do.

Merlin had gone to get the Prince’s breakfast, as he did every other morning. Just as he slid the tray off the countertop, his sensitive hearing picked up a murmur.

“They’ll be coming from all over. Bringing gifts and things, y’know, to sweeten up the Prince’s favor.”

A whisper came back.

“I don’t see gold or trinkets sweetening up our prince, but it will sure be fun to watch them try.”

They giggle in unison.

Merlin is frozen. His back is still turning to them and he’s glad no one else has come in the door in front of him yet, because he has no power to control whatever horrified look is gracing his face.

This is it.

The beginning of the end.

Okay, maybe he’s being a little dramatic. He hadn’t heard anything officially yet, but if the kitchen heard, it was only a matter of time. And maybe, Arthur won’t even like any of them(unlikely). Even if he doesn’t, Uther is most likely the brains behind this grand scheme, which means pressure to marry.

Which means Arthur might not have a choice.

So it is.

The beginning of the end.

Merlin tries to swallow it down. He tries to school himself back into routine, but everything’s upside down now. Once Arthur is married, he will have no room in his life for the bond they have between them. They spend a lot of time together, whether it’s the normalcy of manservant duties or Merlin helping Arthur with his own duties. And sometimes it’s neither. Sometimes they’re just quiet. Sitting by the fire, thinking their thoughts silently, together.

But with a wife, Arthur won’t have time for that.

He has to go. He has to leave and continue on with his life, as if destiny hadn’t just taken a shard of broken glass and stabbed it into his starving belly.

So he moves, he forces one foot in front of the other, balancing the tray with effortless perfection. Never dropping a thing. He’s in a trance until he’s faced with the door to Arthur’s chambers.

He takes a deep breath, and tries to pretend he’s okay. After all, nothing had actually happened yet.

The room is filled with light when he arrives. Arthur is standing over his desk, head bent reading. He’s dressed, which is miraculous, and Merlin ignores the pang of disappointment that gets stuck in his throat.

Arthur is beautiful in the morning sun. His golden hair sits perfectly in place, his broad shoulders giving an air of regal grace, even here, in his private chambers.

Merlin sighs without being able to stop himself.

Arthur looks up at the sound, and when he sees that it’s Merlin, he smiles. A smile that Merlin only ever sees when it’s just the two of them.

The manservant holding breakfast might as well be a puddle on the floor.

“Good morning.” Arthur says, quietly, already moving to the table. “Come. Sit.”

Merlin obeys without question, Arthur has been asking him to sit with him while he eats for as long as he can remember.

He thinks Arthur doesn’t like to eat alone. And he’s perfectly okay with sitting there, watching him, while pretending to mend tunics.

“Eat.” Arthur grumbles not meeting his eyes, as he pops a grape in his mouth.

This is another thing Arthur does. He keeps feeding Merlin his royal food. And Merlin feels guilty every single time.

“Arthur, it’s your food. You do actually need it to survive.”

“Did you not just watch me eat a grape? I eat, okay? There’s more than enough here for the two of us, and you know it. So stop pouting and eat your breakfast.” Merlin obeys, once again, fighting a smile.

They have this argument every other morning.

And Merlin’s heart sings with it.

‘It’ being…well…ya know.

SIGH

Love.

Merlin was in love with him.

Like an idiot.

And it was a growing thorn in his side every waking moment, like a wild ram who can see his demise coming his entire life.

“What are you staring at?” There was no malice in Arthur’s voice, simply fond exasperation.

“Just making sure you do actually eat, sire. If you collapse during training, I’ll patch you all back together just to throw you to the wolves myself.”

“Are you threatening your future king, Merlin?”

“Future, being the only word of import there.”

Suddenly, Merlin remembers the world outside those doors. The expectations awaiting both of them, the whispers in the kitchens.

He sighs, again, involuntarily.

“What?” Arthur asks quietly, worry coloring his gentle tone. He’s looking at Merlin now. And even though they’re the only ones in his very locked chamber, Arthur leans in to ask, like they’re sharing trade secrets in the presence of foreign diplomats.

“What?” Merlin parrots back, obviously not realizing he had made his melancholy apparent.

Arthur narrows his eyes, searching Merlin’s expression for…something.

“What’s wrong? I know somethings wrong, you have that look on your face.” Merlin could almost cry at how soft Arthur sounds. Of course, out in the world, he could never be this openly honest with Merlin, not in front of others.

Merlin breaks under his awaiting blue eyes.

“I…heard something. In the kitchens this morning.” He mumbles, but Arthur hears it, of course.

Arthur looks confused.

Merlin realizes in an instant.

He doesn’t know.

“Arthur, I think…this could be completely false, I haven’t heard any other mutterings but- I think your father is inviting some…guests.”

Arthur is still confused.

“Guests…” he draws it out, still trying to grasp at what Merlin is telling him.

“Yes. Mostly female guests, I’m assuming. I think it may have something to do with-“

Merlin cuts himself off when he sees the same horrified look on Arthur’s face that Merlin experienced himself.

“No.” Arthur whispers, almost commanding it to be so. “He wouldn’t go behind my back and do this…would he?”

#merthur #merlin #arthur pendragon #merlin and arthur #merthur fic #from the drafts #bbc merlin #sweet Arthur

[kaeyas-beloved]

four sides and a bottom

Character: Kaveh

— a box full of your things, that’s it, that’s all

CWs: gn!reader (you/your), ANGST, hurt/no comfort, aftermath of a breakup

val’s no sympathy november masterlist

gonna apologize for dipping for so long but i'm also warning you that it could very much happen again <3 also i'm a little rusty with writing pls be nice to me :(

Kaveh wishes your relationship could’ve ended on good terms. He wouldn’t be able to kiss you or cuddle up to you with a glass of wine after a tough day, but at least you would still be his life. That and that alone would be good enough for him.

On rougher days, the words you spoke echo in his head, disrupting him as he goes about his day. When his mind isn’t occupied it’ll wander to the last day he was able to call you his, making even simple tasks like working or making a cup of coffee painful. A pang in his heart followed by an uncomfortable weight on his chest, throat blocked, barely able to breathe.

“We’re done Kaveh. No more, I can’t keep doing this!” The architect squeezes his eyes shut, willing away the repeat of the past. Without thinking, he takes his almost forgotten glass and downs a greedy gulp of the dark red liquid, the sweet yet bitter drink coating his throat and stomach, making his head spin and his heart beat just the way he likes it - stuttering and skipping as if to stop and bypass the thoughts he’d rather forget.

As much as the deadline loomed over him, Kaveh couldn’t, for the life of him, work on his latest project. Instead, his eyes kept trailing to the box pushed against his closet, the contents overflowing and peeking out for the world to see. By the fourth glance he groans and stands up, chair dragging along the wood floor and nearly toppling over from the force.

Some days he doesn’t know why he keeps this box of reminders around, other times he knows exactly why. People will cling to the last things they own when it affects them so greatly in life. You, by far, were one of the greatest effects on him.

There’s a clink and a thud as Kaveh sets the box of your things on the table, and it’s almost sad how he’s able to identify exactly what made each noise. He’s only memorized everything in it a dozen and a half times after all. A pocket watch, a picture frame, a scarf, a sketchbook, a ring. Meaningless things on their own or to the outside eye, but to you and Kaveh, they meant the world.

Clear as water he could remember when he gifted each of these to you, save the frame and picture. That was your own doing, something you had set on your desk because you liked looking at how happy you both were that day (or so you said - he thinks it's just because you liked looking at him specifically).

He’d given you the scarf to stay warm one night, the watch because you said it had a pretty design (you scolded him a little after finding out he almost spent all his mora on it for you as a gift. You were still touched nonetheless though). The sketchbook was given after you let slip that sometimes you liked to doodle. You always said you didn’t feel as talented as he was, but he’d always shoot back and say that as long as you appreciated the art of it all, the process, and you drew with a smile, then anything you drew was perfect (you were perfect).

The ring was a promise, one that he hadn’t intended to break. This gift you were too speechless to get on his case about financially because the words of love, dedication and loyalty that he added along meant the world to you. The promise to love you forever, to always take into consideration your feelings, and to one day make you his.

In some poetic, way maybe each item was an accumulation of things he was willing to give, when the reality was that you only needed him. Thinking on it now, it hurts more knowing that his absence was what caused your split in paths. Then again…

“Everything hurts when I’m not with you… I miss you.”

Tag list (both regular and event exclusive): @spoopy-fish-writes // @that-enby-alien // @xenuuu // @kaeyaloml // @mariposa666haruka // @quackquackmfs // @kunikuzushiii // @genshin-impact-writings // @ventisweetheart // @lordbugs // @leena-shi // @ari-the-wr1ter // @xiaos-wife // @milkwithspiceyicecubes // @stygianoir // @francisnyx // @leemidnightmoon // @bisexuawolfsalt

+

@kaiserkisser // @multipleshadesofblue // @moloteco-real // @kithewanderingme // @scaramood // @ii-lily2 // @esuz // @kochothehoe // @cindywasneverhere // @kaeyastittysucker

#val's nsn #kaveh x reader #genshin x reader #genshin kaveh #genshin angst #kaveh x gender neutral reader #genshin impact kaveh #kaveh genshin #genshin impact #genshin x you #genshin x gender neutral reader #genshin impact x reader #kaveh angst #kaveh x reader angst

[vivie-enne]

Charles Leclerc : Lies

Pairing : Charles Leclerc and named character (Ariadne)

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Synopsis : charles wants ariadne to attend his races and she wants to spend that time at the hospital, doing her work. But someone has to give one of their desires up and ariadne chooses to be that person. Except it doesn't go as she planned, she terribly misses her work and that only gets in between her relationship with charles. Will it work out? Or will she continue lying about her feelings to him?

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Tags : angst-so mentions of yelling, crying, lying, hurt/comfort, happy ending though, f/mc is a neurosurgeon but nothing much about it mentioned per say.

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A/n : just a starter.

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Charles : why can't you so much as attend at least one of my races, huh? You barely even call me or talk to me anymore when I'm halfway across the world from you! Are you seeing someone else, ariadne?

Ariadne let out a breath as she rubbed her hand against her face tiredly before muttering

Ariadne : do I have to keep repeating the same thing over and over to you, charles? I am a neurosurgeon, I have serious work and I can't be throwing that aside every other month to travel 16 hours from here with you to watch a race.

Charles : I understand that! All I'm asking is maybe just one or two races per season? That's all I'm asking!

Ariadne : charles those race dates happen at inconvenient times for me! I have patients who are this close to dying without a surgery and I can't just leave them be to go watch a race that can well on happen without my presence there.

Charles : and are you the only doctor there?

Ariadne : they are my patients, charles. So yes! I am the only doctor there for them!

Charles let out an angry huff as he said

Charles : you are being so selfish right now. It's always about your work, your life, you being busy, everything is about you! It's never about me, never about celebrating my win, or comforting me when I lose! Everyone else's girlfriends are there at the paddock to support them, ariadne. Every time they have a win or lose, they have someone to hold them while I'm all alone in the fucking hotel room-

Ariadne : are you comparing me to the other ladies right now, charles?

Charles : that is not what I-

Ariadne : no that is exactly what you meant! How many of them are surgeons again, charles? How many of them are out here trying everyday to save someone's parent, someone's sibling or child or partner? Huh!

Charles : why are you bringing that in! Maybe they just know how to manage time between their work and their boyfriends! Maybe they just want to support their boyfriends!

Ariadne let out breath in disbelief as she said

Ariadne : you think I don't want to be with you, charles?

Charles : well that's what you're making it out to be right now ariadne! You’re making me feel worthless in this life of yours!

Ariadne stared at charles as he breathed heavily from all the yelling and fighting, rubbing his hand against his now teary eyes before looking away. Those tears, those tears that ariadne was the cause of, she hated them. Charles looked away as he sighed and said

Charles : you know what, this is all useless anyway. Maybe after this you'll come back to me, hugging and kissing me, telling me that you're sorry and you'll do better. But it'll all go back to the same shitty cycle again. I'm tired, pretend this never happened.

Charles turned to go back to his room as ariadne suddenly said

Ariadne : I'll quit my job.

Charles froze on his tracks, his eyes widening in shock

Ariadne : you want me to be with you, and my patients need immediate surgeries to so much as live. I cannot do both together anymore, it's either you or them. And I choose you.

Charles turned around to face ariadne as he said, shaking his head

Charles : no, ari I don't need you to choose-

Ariadne : yes you do. And if you don't then, those patients do. They have a family to live for, charles, a life to live. And if I can't be putting them as a priority, then I'd rather they get another surgeon that can. So I'll quit my job, they'll get a better surgeon and you'll have me at your races all the time. It's a win-win situation.

Charles walked closer towards ariadne, holding both her hands in his as he whispered

Charles : and what about you, chérie? You love your job, you've worked so hard for it-

Ariadne : I love you more, charles. And I know you need me more than I wish to work, so it is alright.

Charles opened his mouth to say something when ariadne cut him off with a hand against his lips

Ariadne : it'll be done tomorrow, I do not wish to argue about this now. I'm tired.

Ariadne gave charles a tight smile before kissing his cheek, walking past him and heading towards their bedroom to sleep. Charles let out a sigh, plopping down against the couch as he ran his hands through his hair.

Now he felt guilty.

_______________________________________

Ariadne drove her car towards their house as she felt her thoughts wander elsewhere, to past memories. Memories of her always dreaming to be a doctor as a child, studying hard for it and throwing every other high school party away to stay at home and study for her tests. She’d done so much, given up so much of her teenage life to get into Harvard med. And when she did, she gave up her early 20’s to study even harder to become a surgeon. She rarely attended parties, rarely went outside except to study. And when she finally became a neurosurgeon almost 10 years later, she had been so proud of herself. Her parents and her family had been so proud of her. Her work meant the world to her, it always had.

Until she met charles at the hospital she worked in, and then her entire life had changed. He had loved her passion for her work, refusing to give it up even when he told her he’d make enough to support them both.

But now…now she’d just given it all up. She’d sent in her letter of resignation and said her goodbyes to her patients and colleagues.

She felt like her world had come crashing down.

Ariadne parked her car as she stepped out of it, entering their manor as she heard the TV playing from the living room indicating that charles was home. Ariadne walked up to where he was sitting as she smiled at him, keeping her bag away before sitting down on the couch next to him

Charles : back so early?

Ariadne nodded, letting out a deep sigh as she buried her head in her hands. Charles frowned at that, sitting up straight as he asked

Charles : ari? Are you alright?

Ariadne nodded, not wanting to tell charles the truth as she said

Ariadne : yeah, yes.

Charles : is this…is this about you quitting your job? Have you done it already?

Ariadne : I told you I’d do it today morning, and so I did.

Charles felt his heart drop at her words, he knew she was a woman of her words but he'd still thought that maybe she wouldn't do it after all. She'd worked her entire life for this job she…she couldn't give it up so easily for him, could she? Turns out he was wrong. Charles pressed his lips together as he whispered

Charles : I’m so sorry, ari. I’m a terrible person for this.

Ariadne frowned as she lifted her head from her hands, looking up at charles as she said

Ariadne : no, charlie this isn’t your fault. This was my choice-

Charles : but I caused this. I didn’t…

Charles trailed off as tears filled his eyes, causing ariadne’s eyes to soften as she quickly held his cheek before saying

Ariadne : love please, I’ve done all this so I don’t have to see this. So you wouldn’t cry, you can’t be doing exactly that after all this. Please, Charles, please don’t cry.

Her words only caused more tears in his eyes as ariadne let out a struggle noise before saying

Ariadne : I’m the one who gave up my job, why are you the one crying charlie?

Charles : because you had to give it up because of me and I feel terrible for it.

Charles’ voice broke from the tears, his hands clenching against his lap as ariadne sighed and shook her head

Ariadne : darling, look at me.

Charles shook his head, making ariadne hold his cheek again before lifting his face up to look at her

Ariadne : look at me, beautiful.

Charles’ cheeks turned red at that, his lips pressed together as he finally brought his eyes to hers. Ariadne smiled, kissing his cheek before saying

Ariadne : you and your feelings mean more to me than my job, okay? I’ve said that to you before and I mean it when I say it now. There is nothing in this world that I wouldn’t give up for you and our love, charles. Nothing.

Charles : but your parents-

Ariadne : shh, my parents will understand.

Charles : are you-are you sure you wouldn't resent me for this?

Ariadne felt her heart drop at how guilty charles sounded, and so she promised herself never to bring this topic up ever again. She leaned forward and kissed his tears away before whispering

Ariadne : I love you, charles. I could never resent you for anything, ever. I promise.

Charles stared at ariadne with teary eyes, making her chuckle as she spread her arms for him before whispering

Ariadne : come here you big baby.

Charles sniffled as he wrapped his arms around ariadne, his head rested against her chest as she ran her hand through his hair. Charles felt his eyes close as ariadne whispered

Ariadne : shh, it's okay.

Charles : I love you so much, ari.

Ariadne smiled sadly as she kissed the top of charles' head before saying

Ariadne : I love you too, baby.

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A week later :

Ariadne let out a breath as she turned the TV off for the 6th time that day, feeling bored out of her mind. She'd finished reading 7 books this past week, cried 4 times over missing her work, and pretended every single time charles was with her as if she was happy and as if quitting her work hadn't left a huge empty void in her life that he couldn't fill despite all the gifts he'd bought her.

A G-wagon wasn't going to give ariadne back the thrill of working on a patient and making their lives better, a Van Cleef bracelet wasn't going to give her the happiness the tears of joy that her patient's mother cried when she told her that her son would live to 60 instead of 30. Nothing charles bought for her could fill that void in her heart but she pretended anyway. Anything to keep that beautiful smile on his face.

Charles : mon cœur I'm home!

Ariadne let out a breath as she sat up straight, switching the TV on again as she pretended to watch some show. She smiled at charles as he rushed up to her, leaning down and hugging her before giving ariadne a kiss on the cheek

Charles : I missed you.

Ariadne : I missed you too, my love.

Charles looked at the TV as he sat down next to ariadne on the couch before asking

Charles : how was your day?

Ariadne pressed her lips together as she said, trying to be as cheerful as she can

Ariadne : very good, and yours?

Charles : oh you know, the same team meetings and practice considering my next race is in barely 3 weeks.

Ariadne : oh yes, the one in Paris?

Charles hummed as he rested his head on ariadne's shoulder before closing his eyes. She smiled at that, running her hands along charles' hair as she whispered

Ariadne : do you want to go have dinner from outside today, charlie?

Charles frowned as he looked up at ariadne before asking

Charles : I thought you didn't like eating from outside? In the past whenever I'd ask you, you said we should just have something from home.

That was back when ariadne had an actual job and worked every single day of the week, she'd just prefer resting at home and having food in her own comfort zone after all that she'd do during the day. Except now it was different, she just wanted to at least get out of this house and see the world once again.

Ariadne : yeah, I know. I'm just feeling something different tonight, but if you don't want-

Charles chuckled as he shook his head and said

Charles : I want whatever you want my darling. Go get yourself dressed, I'll book us a reservation.

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3 weeks later :

Ariadne looked outside their jet window as she stared at the clouds with blank eyes, her mind elsewhere. Charles was going to have his race tomorrow and they were flying to Paris, ariadne should be happy. She was getting everything any lady would want, a loving boyfriend, expensive gifts, a free pass to watching F1 from the VIP area, fame, money, everything. All her needs were met without her having to so much as ask. But it wasn't enough.

Nothing was ever enough because none of this belonged to her, it was all charles'. The only thing that belonged to her was her job and that she had lost.

Charles : ari!

Ariadne flinched as she quickly looked towards charles, a frown on his face as he asked

Charles : where are you, love?

Ariadne : I'm sorry I was just…I zoned out. What were you saying?

Charles sighed, he had noticed how far off ariadne had looked this past month. She wasn't the same, she didn't have the same energy around her anymore.

Charles : darling is…is something wrong?

Ariadne : what, no. No of course not, everything is fine charles. You were saying?

Charles sighed as he mumbled lowly

Charles : I was just saying that I'm nervous about the race.

Charles' barely audible mumble was enough proof to ariadne that her not paying attention to him earlier and refusing to tell him the truth had caused him annoyance. She laid her palm against charles' cheek as she made him look at her before saying softly

Ariadne : I'm sorry love, did I upset you?

Charles shook his head as he looked away, that was again an answer to her. Ariadne let out a breath as she made him look at her once again before saying

Ariadne : look at me, baby. I'm sorry, okay? I was uh…I'm sorry for not paying attention-

Charles : that's not what this is about ari, I don't want your apology I…I want you to tell me what's going on. Is this about work again-

Ariadne : no it isn't, it's nothing about work. I was missing my mom, it's been a while since I met her. That's all.

That was a lie, ariadne wasn't even thinking about her mother but this was the only proper excuse she could find. Charles frowned as he asked

Charles : you miss your mom?

Ariadne hummed, praying charles would believe her lie, and he did. He chuckled, resting his head against her shoulder as he said

Charles : you could've just told me earlier, ari, I would've booked a flight for you to London immediately.

Ariadne : yeah um, you were already busy with your race so I didn't really want to bother you.

Charles : chérie how many times do I have to tell you, nothing is more important to me than you. You are never a bother to me.

Ariadne stared at charles, feeling her heart drop at how genuine charles was with his love for her. And she was just here lying to him, lying about being happy still. She wished it were different, but she couldn't do anything about it for now.

And so ariadne smiled again and nodded, not wanting to ruin his energy for the race by telling him about her stupid feelings.

____________________________________

A day later :

And just like that ariadne was back in the paddock, watching her boyfriend race past as the crowds cheered for their drivers. She had missed a part of this, watching charles in his realm and how stressful it was to watch him and pray everything goes well. She wanted him to win, like she always had. And as she watched the race she kept her own worries aside as she focused only on charles.

The camera would pan towards her sometimes, considering that she rarely ever attended races before this but she would just smile and shy away, not wanting much attention. She always hated attention.

As the final lap approached ariadne stood up from her seat, her hands clasped together as she saw that charles was leading. And just like that he had crossed the finish line, emerging first as the crowds roared for his victory. Ariadne let out a laugh in relief as she clapped happily, moving towards the edge as she saw charles getting out of his car. Just as he removed his helmet he looked around for her, making ariadne's heart melt as she waved proudly at him.

Charles smiled and waved back, ariadne chuckling as she felt tears in her eyes from how happy he looked at his win. She blew him a proud kiss and waved at him again as he smiled at her one last time before he was surrounded by his team. And just like that charles was swooned away from her view, the people engulfing him and celebrating his victory.

Ariadne smiled as she stepped back, letting out a sigh as the people around her began to congratulate her as well. Soon she had finished with that, picking up her bag as she stepped outside to try and find charles. And she did find him, talking with an interviewer on the side. She waited for that to get over and was about to move closer when it did, but then another interviewer rushed up to him.

And just like that one interview led to another, ariadne finally letting out a sigh as she walked away from the area. She went up to the area where they were going to give away the trophy, hoping she could at least talk to charles there. But even then as he approached the place, he did not seem to look for her in the large crowd.

Which, ariadne supposed made sense considering that it was a really large crowd but it still hurt her. And as charles got up the stage, accepting the trophy while having the biggest smile on his face ariadne hated herself. There was the love of her life, glowing and being so happy about winning the race. The race that he'd worked so hard for to win. She should he happy and proud for him as well, she should be clapping with the others with tears in her eyes and smiling at him.

Instead all she could feel was her heart dropping as she stared around, feeling people push against her. She felt unwanted, she felt out of place. Another reason she'd disliked attending his races. She always felt like it wasn't her place to be.

As charles started with his speech ariadne turned and quickly left, small tears in her eyes. Oh she was a terrible girlfriend, a terrible terrible person. Charles deserved someone better.

As ariadne rushed out of the place she went up to a nearby pole, grabbing onto it as she breathed heavily with tears streaming down her cheeks. She stood like that for god knows how long, the cheers being heard from inside the stadium but ariadne could only cry and cry from the guilt and pain. Charles didn't deserve this, he deserved better.

Maybe he'll break up with her, maybe he will.

??? : ariadne!

Ariadne flinched as she heard the yell behind her, quickly wiping her tears and fixing herself so that he wouldn't know that she'd been crying. Ariadne turned around just as charles rushed up to her, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes worried as he held her arms

Charles : ari! Why are you here? I've been looking all around the place for you. Is something wrong? Did I say something wrong during the speech or something?

Ariadne felt a lump form in her throat as she realized that she hadn't even stayed back enough to hear his speech, oh she was a terrible girlfriend.

Ariadne : ch-charles…

Charles' eyes turned even more worried at her voice as he asked

Charles : yes? Chérie you have to tell me what's wrong, you're scaring me-

Ariadne : there were too many people.

Fuck it, she was lying again.

Charles : too-too many people? Ari if you'd told me that earlier I could've had them bring you up to the stand-

Ariadne : no that's alright, really. I just needed a breather, I'm okay now.

Charles scanned her face as he rubbed his thumb against ariadne's cheek before whispering

Charles : are you sure mon cœur, you look a bit pale.

Ariadne chuckled as she shook her head and said

Ariadne : that's just from the lack of sun that I've been getting.

Charles sighed, figuring he ought to just trust his girlfriend as he said

Charles : well in that case…

Ariadne yelped as charles suddenly picked her up in his arms, her eyes widening as he said

Charles : let's head to our hotel, shall we.

Ariadne stared at him in utter confusion

Ariadne : charles, what? But you have an after-party within half an hour or so-

Charles : that party can go on without me.

Charles started walking towards his car as ariadne said

Ariadne : charles it's your after-party.

Charles : my billboard self shall keep them entertained enough. Plus, I'd rather spend that time sleeping with you.

Ariadne frowned as she asked

Ariadne : sleeping with me? You're sleepy?

Charles laughed, looking at her as he said cheekily

Charles : yes mon amor, I am very, sleepy for you.

Ariadne gasped as she realized what charles meant, him chuckling as he opened his car door and lowered her down to the passenger seat before leaning down and whispering against her ear

Charles : don't you think I deserve a good reward for my win, mrs Leclerc?

Ariadne whacked charles' arm as she said, a blush on her face

Ariadne : I am not mrs Leclerc yet!

Charles smiled and kissed ariadne's forehead before saying

Charles : well you soon will be.

__________________________________

Ariadne stared down at charles who was now lying fast asleep against her bare chest, his arm wrapped around her waist as he breathed peacefully. He looked so serene like this, so unworldly, as if she was undeserving of him.

And maybe she was, because she couldn't sleep. She kept thinking of what she'd thought when he'd won, how she still missed her work despite all that he'd given her. She was so ungrateful, so undeserving of him and she hated it.

The more she thought about the amount of times she'd lied to him this past month, running away from his speech just because she felt like she was out of place, the more she felt the need to cry. She needed something, some outlet. Keeping it all inside was killing her.

And so ariadne slowly pushed herself out of the bed, being careful not to wake charles up as she quickly put her nightdress on before rushing towards the balcony. She slid down the railing as soon as she shut the balcony door behind her, the Eiffel tower glittering in a distance away from her as tears slid down her cheeks.

She hated this, she hated herself. Why couldn't she just be like everyone else? Why couldn't she just love charles and support him as he was, why did she keep getting her stupid feelings in the way of their love? Felt out of place when charles had just won an important race? And then proceeded on to lie to him about there being too many people.

Ariadne sobbed as she pressed the back of her hand against her mouth to muffle her cries, her face scrunching up as tears continued flowing down her eyes. She wished she was different, she wished she wasn't like this. She wished she could go back to her job, she had worked so hard for it so why didn't she deserve it? And the more she thought about it, the louder her cries became. Not realizing that it was loud enough to wake charles up.

Charles stirred slightly in his sleep as he heard faint cries, his eyebrows frowning as he let out a sleepy groan. But as soon as his ears focused more on the familiar sound of cries, he sat up straight, his eyes turning worried. Ariadne wasn't in bed.

He quickly got off the bed as he put his sweatpants on, rushing towards where the sounds where coming from as he called out for her

Charles : ari?

Charles soon walked up to the balcony before opening the door, his eyes widening at the sight of ariadne sobbing with her back pressed against the railing.

Charles : ariadne!

Ariadne flinched as she saw charles, her eyes widening as he rushed up to her and kneeled down before holding her face in his hands

Charles : love! What's going on? Are you hurt somewhere? Is something wrong?

Ariadne cried more at how concerned charles sounded, shaking her head desperately as she said in a broken voice

Ariadne : I'm so sorry.

Charles' worry deepened at her words, her cries scaring him as he asked in a softer voice

Charles : what are you sorry for, chérie? Why are you crying so much?

Ariadne : I-I don't deserve this. I don't deserve this from you charles, please.

Charles shook his head firmly as he rubbed his thumb against her tear-stained cheek before whispering

Charles : ari what are you saying sweetheart? Why would you not deserve me?

Ariadne : because I lied. Oh charles I'm so sorry, I'm so very sorry I…I don't know what to do-

Ariadne cut herself off with another desperate sob as charles let out an exasperated breath, not understanding what this was

Charles : you're not telling me anything here, baby. I can't understand you. Put it in words that make sense to me, yes? Please?

Ariadne didn't know how to put it in words that wouldn't make charles hate her, she had no idea how to even bring a sentence out when she was trembling so much, crying and whimpering. But even then she tried, because she felt undeserving of charles' time

Ariadne : I…I st-I still miss my job.

Charles' face softened at that as he whispered

Charles : oh, ariadne-

Ariadne : and I didn't hear your-your speech charles because I was so…so obsessed with myself that I felt-felt out of place with all those people screaming for you and you were…you were looking at them and not me. And I felt unwanted and then I left because…charles I am such a selfish person you don't deserve this from me-

Ariadne cut herself off with another sob as her chest heaven in pain, small hiccups falling from her mouth as she could barely even see charles anymore from how blurry her vision was.

Ariadne : I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I-

Charles : sweetheart…baby. Look at me.

Ariadne whimpered as charles held her face tighter and lifted it up to make her look at him, his eyes now teary too as he whispered

Charles : I was looking for you, ari. I did look for you, but as you said there were so many people and I couldn't find you and for that…for that I am so sorry.

Ariadne shook her head quickly as she said

Ariadne : n-no. no no you mustn't apologize-

Charles : ariadne, love, you are not selfish for wanting the attention of the man you love. You are not selfish for feeling out of place in a world that you are not really familiar with yet. And most importantly, you are not selfish for wanting to work for your passion. That is human nature, chérie. It is not your fault, please.

Ariadne : but I am not supposed to be thinking that when you just won a race, charles! I'm supposed to be feeling proud of you, happy for you-

Charles : and are you not proud of me? Happy for me?

Ariadne sobbed as she said weakly

Ariadne : I am but-

Charles : then that's all I need from you, ari. I don't need you to always be happy, you are human and you are allowed to feel things other than being happy and proud. You can feel them and still be loved, sweetheart.

Ariadne lowered her head, tears streaming down her cheeks as charles held her head and pressed it against his shoulders before asking

Charles : why didn't you tell me this earlier, ari? Did you not trust me enough?

Ariadne : n-no, no I…I was scared. Scared that you might-might leave me after I told you all this.

Charles : baby why on earth would you think that, I could never leave you for something like this.

Ariadne looked up at charles as he wiped her tears away before saying in a final tone

Charles : we are going to get you your job back and you can work for as long as you want, okay? And for as long as you are not comfortable with it, you don't have to attend any of my races.

Ariadne : but charles-

Charles : ari, shh. You matter more to me, your feelings always matter more to me. Fuck mine, you're not doing this to yourself ever again.

Ariadne pressed her lips together as she felt fresh tears slip past her eyes from guilt, making charles sigh as he whispered

Charles : darling, please. Please stop crying baby.

Ariadne : you shouldn't have to do all this-

Charles : ariadne I love you, I love you what part of that do you find so hard to understand my love?

Ariadne looked up at charles as he pressed his lips against hers, giving her a long kiss before pulling back as he whispered

Charles : do you love me?

Ariadne : of course I do!

Ariadne laid her shaky hand against his cheek, rubbing her thumb against it before whispering

Ariadne : I always have and I always will.

Charles : then for as long as I breathe, you will have me ariadne. You always will.

___________________________________

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc angst #clarles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc ff #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc fic #charles leclerc imagine #f1 angst #f1 fluff #f1 ff #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 imagines #f1 imagine

[itsalwaysteatimeinwonderland]

Unforgiving: Choso Kamo x y/n

Requested: No

TW: None

Word count: 795

Part 3 | Part 5 TBD

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Another cold afternoon. The leaves continue their trajectory from tree to the floor. The ebb and flow of nature is evident in the harsh breeze of the day. The sun did little to warm you. 

You breathed into your hands to warm them. Even your weapon was cold. You stood waiting for Choso. You felt so silly waiting for an enemy to come and teach you how to fight. If you were honest, you'd admit that you were there for his touch. His attention. You felt guilty yet giddy. 

You hear the rustling of leaves. You turn excited to see him. He wears a soft smile on his face as he registers the fact that you waited for him again. You hold the urge to run into his arms. You walk up to him, slowly, deliberately. 

"You're late." You say. 

"I wasn’t aware that there was a time limit." He tilts his head to the side, a wide smile playing across his face. 

You huff and look away. How can he have such power over you? And why are you letting him have this power? 

"What am I learning today?" You mumble.

He stood there, pensive. He notices you trembling because of the cold. He feels guilty making you wait for him in such weather. He grabs your hand and guides you to a nearby stump. He sits down and pats his lap as a gesture for you to sit.  

You withhold a gasp. Sitting on his lap? That felt too intimate. Too welcoming. You debate on whether to cave into his invitation or not. You remembered him being warm and comforting. You craved his touch. 

As if your body had a mind of its own you mindlessly walked to him. You stood between his legs and sat on his lap. Instantly Choso wraps his arms around you. You feel his warmth, his body, his heartbeat. 

Your back is to his chest. His hands are wrapped around your mid-section. You felt captive but not trapped. You reminded yourself to breathe. 

"Let's not train today." He whispered against your ear. "Let me hold you, just like this."

You take a deep breath, the deepest you've taken all day. You could feel his breath, the movement of his lips against the shell of your ear. Your brain short circuited. You wanted to hear his voice again. 

"Why?" You ask. 

"I can't explain it, but holding you makes me feel whole."

You blush. "How so?"

"I live for my brothers, I love them. This feels different. As if…" he hesitates, "we live for each other."

You close your eyes at his words. Was he right about that? Were you caught in him? Were you wanting to live for him? 

You jolt out of his grasp, scared and anxious. You just met him. You've only spent time 2 other times. This was too much for you. You needed an out. 

"I can't do this. You're the enemy." You say as a matter of fact. 

"I am no longer involved with Kenjaku. I am here for Yuji. I wish to make things right." He stood up, embarrassed that he shared so much. 

"You keep saying that and yet you haven't gone to see Yuji." 

"You were my priority."

There he went again, making your knees weak. "Why?" You say looking for an out. 

"When I’m around you, I feel different." He steps closer to you. "I want you. And I've never wanted anything in my life."

You hold the urge to jump on him and kiss him. You weren't completely clear what was happening but you did know that you were connected to this man in some way. 

"What now?" You asked.

Choso shakes his head. "Say it. I want to hear you."

You act confused. You're afraid of repeating back his words. No matter how true they are, you couldn’t say it. 

Choso is patient with you. He trails his hand down your face. Softly. As if committing to memory the feel of your skin. You look intently into his eyes, defiant hoping he would waver. His eyes soften. 

"I can't say it. I don't know how I’m feeling. This is too much." You concede. 

"I understand. Take your time. I'll be around." 

He takes your small figure into an embrace. You let him hold you. It feels like home. Eventually you separate. He holds the urge, once again, to kiss you senseless. He trails his hand down your face and into your collarbone before turning around and walking into the woods. No final words. No goodbye. 

You stand there heartbroken and lonely. What have you done? Will you see him again.  The cold fall air is unforgiving. Even the leaves shake in the cold as the sun sets. 

#jjk #jjk x reader #jjk choso #choso kamo #choso kamo x reader #choso kamo x y/n #choso kamo x you #choso smut #jujutsu kaisen choso #kamo choso #choso x reader #choso x you #choso x y/n

[lambergeier]

extremely basic but also vital dvd commentary request but last scene of the pacrim au prequel?

back on that grind. that ruining phoenix wright's life grind.

“Klavier, please, you’ve got to—” Klavier sits bolt upright when he wakes. Kaiju attack. No. What? No alarm, no intercom, no Kristoph. Ema Skye is by his bed, face red and swollen with tears, one shaking hand on his arm. He hasn’t spoken to her since she told him her feelings. He’s been trying to give her space.

i like to drop in little hints like the world is full of small, personal tragedies that you/phoenix will never know about bc every person's life is unfathomably large and rich beyond the scope of outside understanding. tragedy one: klavier really would have liked to go on that date with ema!

“Klav, please, I need you to come with me,” she gasps, scrubbing a hand over her sodden cheeks. “Ema?” he asks. It’s so late. One AM? “What’s happening?” “I fucked up. Klavier, I fucked up so bad, and you—you speak German, I wouldn’t have asked, except—”

tragedy two ema will blame herself for the failed drift test for a really long time lol

“German?” He’s not getting this quickly enough. Ema’s breathing is overfast, she’s close to hyperventilating. “I, Kristoph speaks it better than me.”

because klavier is barely conversational god bless. man who sincerely hopes duolingo will fix him

She shakes her head like she wouldn’t mind breaking her own neck. “No, it can’t be him, Klavier, please just come, I—”

when everyone but youuuuuuuu knows your brother has the worst vibes in the wooooooooorld. and you kinda know toooooooooo

skipping forward a bit here, sparse descriptions of tense transitions blah blah

“Ema,” he says, though she’s already pulling him forward, “Ema, I can’t be here. If you don’t—if Kris isn’t supposed to know about this—” He isn’t. It’s immediately, stupidly obvious. Blood pours from Wright’s ears and nose, his arms spasm around Edgeworth’s chest. Edgeworth is out, gone, eyes rolled back in his head and the noise of his breathing like a child’s whistle. Kris can never, ever know about this.

haha klavier definitely knows his brother can't be trusted 👍

one thing i intended, between this scene and the kristoph scene and the discussion of the gavins not their hitting their baselines, was to be like, okay this is the beginning of the end for the gavins. fic in which it's the beginning of the end for everyone, the gavins not excluded, and the end is going to be two really grinding, horrible years before apollo shows up. so, i'm working this out in real time as i type lol, that would mean this is the first time the thought ever crystallizes for klavier that he can't trust his brother. he's gotten by on denial for five years, but faced with All This, the truth will out! can't trust your brother!!

the starting premise of this fic, back when me and emma were just shooting the shit in the kitchen during lockdown 2020, in between writing in better light chapters was: klavier gets roped into miles and phoenix's drift test and it's the first thing he ever has to lie about in the drift. so, first thing alongside the fact that he can't trust his brother!! the two go hand in hand!

man this fic has bleak implications for the state of everyone's mental health in in better light lol

“Please,” Ema says. “Please.” She pushes, like a tide, and then he’s kneeling in front of the bloodied shape of his commanding officers. “Commander,” Klavier says in German, then tries again when it comes out as no sound at all. “Commander, she needs you to—” Ema tells him. “—She needs you to let go of the Marshal. He needs help. She says his heart—” Wright laughs, blood moving slickly over his teeth. One of his hands is jammed under the Marshal’s chestplate, his own glove and armor ripped off, his scarred forearm pulsing with movement. The other cradles the Marshal's gray face.

i published the fic then went back in like twenty minutes later to add "The other cradles the Marshal's gray face" bc it was suddenly intensely important that everyone remember miles and phoenix are in love. i think this was a wise decision. ignore how many times i use the word "pulsing" in this scene thanks

Klavier turns to Ema. “He says you have to bring the defibrillator here.” She’s pale, almost as sweaty as Wright. “What?” “He says the Marshal’s heart is already in—” he hadn’t recognized the German word Wright used. “It already stopped. He’s keeping it going.” Ema looks at Wright’s hand, pulsing against the Marshal’s chest. Wright speaks. “He says to run fast,” Klavier translates. Ema stumbles toward the door.

phoenix keeping miles' heart going was another thing that was in the outline from pretty early on. one must imagine that klavier is translating all this with very little understanding of what it means. this isn't how the drift is supposed to work right (<- please god)

“Commander,” Klavier says again, low, pressing his hands hard against his sides as the Marshal wheezes and dies and Wright, moment by moment, pulls him back. “Commander, I can’t—I can’t be here. I can’t know that this has happened to you. Kristoph is a friend to you but he’s not—” Wright cuts him off, another fat-tongued laugh. His speech is a mash of German and English, his scarred face palsied, blood thick in the slack corner of his mouth. “You’ll be fine,” he slurs, in a language unimaginable. “You'll be fine. I’m going to teach you how to lie in the drift.”

haha i'm no longer interested in writing fic unless i can end it with a direct nuclear strike. sorry what 12 years of ao3 will do to a mfer

OKAY!! ENOUGH OF THAT LINE BY LINE SHIT!! LET'S BREAK THIS THING DOWN!! HOLISTICALLY!!

so the fic is about lying the drift. in mine and emma's conception, that's accomplished primarily by lying to yourself, secondarily by ommission-lying to your loved ones so rigorously that you just Never Think about the lie unless absolutely necessary lol. phoenix does it in IBL, keeping from miles the knowledge of apollo's existence, and this fic is about like: oh he was lying about way more than that!

here, phoenix is lying about how bad things are and can get. he's actually super aware of how futile everything is, up to and including trucy going to college, but he lies about it! part of that is like, a natural personality-based distaste for pessimism, and another part of that is the knowledge that you can't just act like the world is ending all the time, even when the world is ending all the time. you gotta just keep trying to do your job, or else the world will just end faster.

which is a normal compartmentalization that people do, ofc, but phoenix has miles in his head every second of his life. and miles is fucking depressed lmao. even when he's not actively pondering offing himself, he's soooo fucking certain that he will somehow Be Dead within the next few years. so phoenix has to be the No It'll Be Fine Actually guy all the time! every second of every minute! which he thinks is fine and he can totally handle it! he's handled it this long already! no problems so far! but......perhaps there are problems so far.

i didn't want to do anything so strong as Drop Hints on the subject, and i don't think i did, but i am open to the interpretation of this fic that is phoenix lies to himself and miles so thoroughly that he destroys the drift test and disables them worse. again, not committed: i stand by me and emma's decision in IBL, which is that miles has to want to live for their drift to succeed (as much as a drift between two basically drift-incompatible people can succeed lol), so the test in this fic was never going to resolve anything fully. but i leave open the possibility that phoenix made it worse!

and then he gives the cancer to klavier lol. because sometimes when the world is shit all you have are stopgaps i guess!!

#in better light #i could keep going sorry. very into my own fic. but this is so long already. and i need to go to the gym so so badly #dvd commentary meme

[papercranepoets]

Draco’s hands curled into tight fists, eyes fluttering shut. He took a deep breath in and held it before slowly releasing a shaky breath.

The minute he saw Hermione his blood ran cold. She wasn’t supposed to get caught.

Screams washed over him, a sick reminder of his failure to protect her. He had faced away from her soon after his deranged Aunt threw her to the ground, taunting her before casting a crucio.

Sweat started to bead at his brow when he felt a soft touch on his shoulder. Draco opened his eyes turning his head slightly to his mother’s gentle touch. She gave him a knowing look. He needed to turn around or Bellatrix would force him to participate in her torture, punishing him for being “soft” as she often did.

Unseeing, he turned his body around. He wanted to slip into occlusion but then they locked eyes in between the crucios.

Hermione whimpered calling to him though the screaming shredded her voice. Tears fell from her eyes. Draco couldn’t look away. He needed to occlude immediately to protect her.

Look away. Look the fuck away.

He willed them both to stop, but it was too late. Bellatrix’s eyes snapped to him the minute she heard “Draco” and then he was on his knees, Bellatrix already ripping through his mind.

He wasn’t strong enough to occlude after seeing Hermione being tortured. He wasn’t strong enough to protect and now everything that would happen would be his fucking fault.

Bellatrix ripped through memories trying to find Hermione. She found them instantly. Tore through precious touches. Glare turning even more predatory as she found memory after memory of their love.

And then he was being tortured, too. Draco tried to stay on his knees, fire in his veins. Bones breaking and reforming. He would stay up, if only to prove to Hermione that he was strong.

“Enough,” His mother said.

Bellatrix dragged him up by the hair, “do you know what your failure of son is doing my sweet Cissa.” She snarled, “He’s dirtying himself with this mudblood whore!”

Bellatrix’s voice was shrill. She was furious, but there was a smile forming in her face at the amount of pain she would be inflicting on two people. She raised her wand again, another crucio ripping through him. Draco began to disassociate. All he could think of was Hermione. When Bellatrix stopped the curse he realized he was on the floor and reaching towards his love.

“Isn’t this sweet, blood traitor and mudblood whore reaching for one another. Perhaps I should be saving this for the Dark Lord, but really it would bring me joy to see your precious, little face when I end the mudblood’s life.” Bellatrix was cackling.

She began to raise her wand, an Avada waiting on her tongue. Draco’s instincts took over and he grabbed for his wand, ready to kill his aunt. A green light shot from the side striking Bella down. Draco’s head shot towards the source of the spell. His mother slowly lowered her wand.

“We must go…” she stated shakily. Draco stared at his mother, paralysed by the thought of what would happen to them all. “DRACO! Now!”

His mother had him devise an escape plan. Only he knew of this. His father was not aware the family had one, and his mother was not as strong of an occlumens. Draco shook his head as if to bring himself back to reality.

Hermione whimpered and he saw that she was struggling to stand. Staggering to his feet, he bent down again to scoop her up.

“Draco…” her voice cracked.

“Shhh, my love,” he brought her close and laid his lips on her forehead. “We will be okay.”

Bringing Hermione as close as possible to his body, he turned to his mother. Then he panned his eyes to his father. Lucius was unreadable. Draco was sure his father was confused. He knew if his mother joined him in fleeing, his father would die before ratting them out.

“Will you join us?” Draco asked through tight lips.

Lucius opened his mouth and then snapped it shut. His eyes glided over to his wife.

“I’m not expecting you to come Lucius, but know this…” his mother’s voice was strong but sad, “we will never see each other again.”

This was true for many reasons. Lucius would be tortured for information. His occlumency was incredible and it would take a long while for Voldemort to break him. Then he would be killed once he realised Lucius had no information.

Lucius turned his eyes away. Draco’s heart tightened, but he knew where his father’s loyalties lie.

“Lead us, Draco.”

“Wait!” Hermione mustered, “Harry and Ron.”

“Of course, Hermione, I would never have done that to you.” He placed another kiss to her forehead and proceeded to the dungeons.

#dramione #draco x hermione #harry potter fanfiction #draco malfoy #fanfiction #harry potter #my fanfiction #dramione fanfic #hermione granger #text

[ilostyou]

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✨ prayer circle for another bucktommy kiss tonight ✨

🕯️✨ 🕯️✨ 🕯️✨ 🕯️✨ 🕯️✨ 🕯️✨ 🕯️✨ 🕯️✨🕯️

#it needs to happen i need it to breathe life into me all over again #911 abc #bucktommy

[oatbugs]

idk how to live so im going to talk to myself out loud until i do

#listen. take a deep breath. i know your bpm is high but you need to think with me for a second. #remember that you are paper thin. all your facets are sheets of paper and what you gave her is just another one. #make a new one. you dont need it. you dont need her to see you. i know you think you need her but you will be okay. i know its hard. #you wish you could have shown her how you loved her. listen to yourself. you are made of paper. #she might be concrete or maybe wood or maybe gold. you need to start laying your roots elsewhere. shut that thought down #and blink and listen. the parts you keep thinking of arent lost. they still happened and they are yours to keep. #there is beauty in this loss. tell me about the beauty in this loss. its okay to think about it. you got to see it all and nothing more #and this is great because it would have been bad. you know it would be violent in a way you dont need. you know this to be true. #you are going to look at that empty space in her shape and youre going to fill it with everything that happened when you knew her. #the memories with her but then also the the way your friends talked you through it. the game with the clovers. #your first allergic reaction you almost died and you couldnt stop laughing and you were held so close to their hearts. #learning the names for all the floursecent gene tracking dyes that everyone else knows already. about the exam - listen again. #i know you think if you fail your life is over but you need to try your best. youre not going to get a good grade in a uni test for the fir #youre going to make up for it. youre going to make sure you make up for it. do you understand? i love you. you have to do this. #right now you need to sit up. breathe. i know your heart hurts. go to the living room. grab something to eat. i dont care if you feel full. #youre going to clean your mattress heater. youre going to study a bit longer and then youre going to sleep. youre going to tell your mother #im sorry and i might genuinely fail a test. shes going to tell you its okay. if you do badly in this course you can just become a neurosurg #just agree. dont argue right now. its okay. youre okay. you are paper thin. i know any puncture hurts. #breathe. think of your friends. think of their hands in yours. it isnt eternal.youve lived through worse. the empty sky is still beautiful. #the lack of her is still beautiful