#introducing wounds and actively healing them.....

[taconafide2]

ORCHESTRA!!!!!!!!!!

#There's potential there for it to be my favourite mitski album to date..... #introducing wounds and actively healing them.....

[fishnapple]

CRYSTAL READING : What kind of partner does your soul need right now ?

This is a general reading meant for multiple people. Take only what resonates and leave out the rest.

Book a personal reading for you.

Reading for each group below :

1. Strawberry quartz

Energy : cheetah

Immediately, I can see a lot of warm and fast-paced, action oriented energy. A lot of fire and creativity. They could have fire signs in their chart, jupiter dominant or sun dominant. Red and orange would be their colours. They know what they want and how to go after it.

This person will be like the sun to you, at first, you may not used to their intensity and decisive way of doing things, they may even have a big ego and a little arrogant but they bring so much inspirations and motivations to you. Being with them will ignite your creative fire. You will feel more carefree, more open to the joy of life. Your inner child would safely be expressed. They could even widen your circle of friends and introduce you to a new social network with many interesting people.

Maybe you struggle with feeling confident. This person will lift you up and help you build your confidence from within.

In a way, they are like a life teacher for you. You could learn so much from their example. They radiate light from within, the motivation behind whatever they do, whatever action they take comes from their inner truth, their own guiding spirit. They value authenticity and meaningful purpose behind actions.

This is not a person who does something just because everyone else is doing it, who initiates superficial conversations just for the sake of talking.

Their words sometimes would trigger your deeper fears and make you feel exposed, but at the same time, you will feel so much love and tender compassion. They would understand intuitively your secret intimate desires and dreams and gradually help you fulfil them.

This is the kind of partner that can give you unconditional love, the one that your inner child has been yearning so much for but may not get so often.

You could meet them when doing your daily routine like taking a walk, going to the supermarket or at the workplace. They would seem intimidating or demanding, hardworking. They would make you feel more conscious of your health and working habits. Maybe when you guys first meet, they will give you advice on how to improve your health and build a more healthy routines. After that, gradually, it turns into a more romantic connection.

Another scenario is that someone older than you, could be your superior of someone you respect would introduce you guys to each other.

2. Flourite

Energy : dragon

This group's energy is quite similar to group 1 but softer. Strong spiritual energy.

This person is wise, no matter their physical age. They have inner wisdom, the kind that is deep and profound, the truth that lies hidden in each of us. They understand it, and they will help you awaken to that understanding, too. Their energy is very stabilising. Just by being within the same physical proximity of this person, you could feel more safe and clear in your soul. Their spiritual energy protects you.

This person is not afraid to show the world their wounds and fears. They are honest about them because they understand that everyone has their own wounds and fears. They are strong by being honest with their vulnerability. That inner strength will help you process your own fears.

If you have some hidden wounds, your inner child doesn't feel safe. They are well hidden in the dark corner. This person will gently heal your inner child. I see the image of the parents console a crying child. Not that I'm saying they will act like a parent to you, but they embody both fatherly and motherly energy. They are very balance, somehow they can understand what is the best approach for you. They would help you understand more deeply about yourself, encourage you to learn new things, to go travel with them, to experience many activities that maybe you haven't tried before or wouldn't dare to. They give you courage. At the same time, they will nurture you softly, soothe your pains and sadness. This person could have a strong moon in their chart.

Through them, you will learn how to build a strong foundation within, to be able to withstand life's many challenges but still have the ability to dream, to be generous with your love, you will learn to give love more freely just like how they give to you. You will learn to persevere, to know when to give up, when to keep trying.

You would meet this person when you are having fun, talking with people. Could be a place where there are lots of children.

They could be a writer, a magician or someone doing jobs related to logistics, traveling, or speculative business. Someone good with their hands, can makes beautiful things with their hands.

3. Citrine

Energy : nightingale

Music and poetry. This is someone who will sing to your soul. You could even hear music or feel the urge to sing, to hum when being near this person.

This person's energy is gentle and a little childlike, a little nervous and restless. So many interesting conversations about all kinds of topics. You will not feel tired talking or listening to this person. Their words just have a soothing effect on your heart. Like running your hands through a gentle stream of clear water. It's invigorating and freshening.

They could be popular, the kind that can mingle with all kinds of people with no differentiation, they can charm the crowd easily. They would give off quite a captivating and sexy impression.

You may meet this person through a mutual friend or through your siblings, in school, in a concert, a workshop, a forum, or simply somewhere people share their thoughts freely. I don't really see that you need to be with them for a lifetime. Maybe they would come into your life like a light breeze, and someday, you guys would move one from each other, but the memories you shared will stay with you for the rest of your life.

They would help you be more open with your thoughts, give your mind more freedom. If you are the type to feel shy in front of the public or have some difficulties speaking more clearly and openly, this person will help you find your voice and communicate your ideas more beautifully. They bring inspiration.

Also, they would encourage you to re-examine your beliefs. Those that formed in your past thay may no longer serve you. They may even inspire you to take some trips, to go on some journeys or adventures with them, both outside and in the bedroom, something you may have felt before that wasn't too comfortable or you thought that didn't suit your characters. But they have some kind of sway, they will persuade you do it, not in a manipulative ways for their selfish desires but more like how a child persuades you to go finding fairies in the wood with them. You just can't help but smile and go with them.

Maybe you are someone who is more uptight or more concerned about rules and practicality. This person will gently nudge you out of the rigid mould and be more free, to dare to dream and see that life is a lot more magical.

4. Agate

Energy : swan

This person is quite a beauty. They are graceful and mysterious. There is a certain pure vibe about them. They could wear lots of white.

Upon meeting them, you will have an inner tower moment. Subconsciously, you will feel like some gate in your soul has been opened. You would even begin to see them a lot in your dreams. You guys might communicate with each other through dreams. You would even feel uncomfortable and strangely emotional around them, even though they may not say or do much. Their presence alone is enough to make you question yourself. Maybe you would find them a little unreal, like a mirage, you might even question if you are indeed seeing them. They are not elusive, but they trigger that reaction within yourself. You guys might mirror each other a lot, events and experiences in your life would be very similar to them.

Something about them feel egoless. They are not the kind to go around imposing their beliefs onto others or order others around. Most likely a quiet person. Their beauty will be apparent to you and to whomever they interact with. It's more of an undercurrent energy that affect other's vision of them. They could have heavy neptune influences in their chart.

Their silence will encourage you to speak more willingly and honestly. A certain simplicity. You would feel safe telling them your secrets and your silly jokes without fear of judgements. Just be careful not to overwhelm them with your talk, they might not be a talker but if one remains silent for too long, there would be an imbalance in the conversations and later would create some resentment or avoidance.

You could meet them at a social gathering, somewhere with lots of people, but they will seem to be alone. You will feel an immediate subconscious pull toward them. You might take the initiative to approach them first, even if that isn't how you normally are.

5. Obsidian

Energy : dragon

Flourite group's person also has dragon energy, but this dragon has completely different feel to them.

They are someone who is super intense and serious at first impression. Like a wounded animal. This is someone who will awaken your own dragon energy. You will be able to sense their wounds and pains from the first meeting, even if you normally don't consider yourself to be super sensitive to people's energy. With this person, you will, and you will want to help heal them.

Their inner child stone flung very far, so I had to move them back into the frame. You will also do that for them. You will help them find and bring back their inner child.

Their energy feels gloomy and cold. They could even wear dark clothes. Somehow, they have lost their own inner faith. Maybe your soul's need is to guide and help ignite the inner fire in other again, and you will meet this person. Their soul will need you.

Something feels very short and hard to channel with this group, maybe this person is not a talker. They don't feel too comfortable voicing their emotions. There is a sense of hidden love here too, this person will keep their feelings for you hidden for some times before expressing them to you. Even as I am typing this, I keep pressing the delete button by mistake. It's like they don't want you to know about them too much. They would feel too exposed. I suppose with enough time in the future, they will feel more comfortable to reveal themself to you more.

You will meet this person in an unexpected manner. On that day, you would do your usual daily routines, but there would be some unexpected changes or complications, and this person will be there. You could meet them at some place related to legal matters, signing contracts, or getting counselling. You could even have some arguments with them or someone else, and they will witness that. Their still water will feel alive again, new life will be formed, slowly, they will begin to imagine how their life would change after meeting you.

6. Carnelian

Energy : crow

This person will be a complete mystery to you. But you can sense that they have a very strong intuition. They could even be psychic or interested in spirituality and the occult. You and other people will feel a certain pull toward them, wanting to know them more, because their life would seem to be very intriguing and out of the norm, they will have many interesting tales to tell you.

You could see their confidence but not in an attention seeking way. Nobody would want to mess with them. They could wear black or dark red a lot.

Upon first meeting them, you would feel suddenly weak in the knee. There will be strong sexual attraction. It's not the fun and superficial kind, but the kind that you know won't fade easily. Their way of talking will feel sexy to you. You could like their voice, there is a hypnotic feel to it, and they don't need to talk very much to captivate you.

With this person, your emotions, all kinds of fears, deep dark secrets will be exposed. But they will keep them safe, you would tell them your most embarrassing stories, your guilts and shames, things that you deemed inappropriate and are afraid that will be rejected by others, not this person, they will accept them all, no more hiding and no use hiding. They will intuitively know you. Your soul is much in need of this kind of person. You will feel more confident and protected. It's like they help you untie a knot in your soul's journey so that you can go faster and smoother. Their words and embrace will sooth you in stormy times.

You could meet them in public institutions, when you go travelling, maybe for work or for something of a more serious nature than a vacation. You won't expect to see them. They could be a complete stranger. A male or someone with masculine energy would be the bridge to get you guys together. The scenario would be you and them both talk to the same person about the same topic so that person will later introduce you guys to each other.

Love.

#crystal reading #lithomancy #channeled message #pick a card #pick a pile #partner #partner reading #love reading #outer world #divination #intuitive messages #astrology #tarot #crystal healing #psychic reading #tarot community #tarotcommunity #tarot reading #pick a group #spirituality #future partner #future spouse #occult #relationship

[yannaryartside]

CARMY NEVER WANTED TO CREATE A MENU WITH SYD.

AND WHY THAT IS THE CORE THEME OF THE SHOW

PART 1: THE LIE THAT CARMY BELIEVES

So, one of the bases of creating an efficient character arc is to give the character something they want, and something they need. In the pursuit of getting what they want, the theme of the show and obstacles will show them what they need. Most of the time, they need healing from an emotional wound that prevents them from growing into the ultimate version of themselves, capable of winning the challenges of the story. I will try to explore Carmy's wound and, more importantly, the lie that created that wound.

In 'The negative trait thesaurus" by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi, it reads:

"Wounds are often kept secret from others because embedded within them is the lie-an untruth that the character believes about himself."

When I started therapy (disclaimer: this is not professional advice; I am just talking from how I interpreted all of this), I was introduced to the concept of "limiting beliefs:" lies we have told ourselves about our own nature or the nature of the world. The most difficult beliefs to leave behind are those established in our early childhoods, and we told ourselves those lies to make sense of the world, to make peace with realities we were not equipped to comprehend yet. 

Some examples of lies people belive:

"I am too stupid to learn anything; my teacher said so" "It was my fault that I was molested." "I am a bad person for wanting a different life."

When people believe these lies, they will act accordingly, maybe attracting situations that hurt them but keeping the lie active in their lives. They may self-sabotage or create bonds with people who also believe the lie, even if it doesn't seem this way. 

In some cases, people may develop complete personalities or behaviors to prove the lie wrong, but deep down, they still believe in the lie. Carmy falls into this last category. This is where we find the most contradictory parts of his personality, how he can act shy and insecure in some instances and appear confident and even aggressive in others. 

Long post underneath.

THE RESENT OF A MOTHER:

We can only assume here because I think Storer is gonna let us know more about this soon, but I think I got an idea of this wound when I saw the only moment Carmy was alone with Donna on "Fishes."

I have a lot of things to say about Donna herself, but let's begin with the obvious: the conversation in this scene had little to do with the dinner itself. This was a woman stating that she felt alone and not valued, probably due to being abandoned by her husband and having to overwork herself at the beef to support her 3 kids, all while being a single mother. We don't know if this feeling of abandonment is something she has carried since childhood, but in the state of current womanhood, it wouldn't be uncommon. The work of women (especially mothers), particularly the emotional labor, is rather invisible and not valued at all.

But again, this is something she has used as fuel to resent her kids, who, at the end of the day, didn't ask to be here. Her anger has to go somewhere since she cannot direct it toward the people that ctually caused it. To get to the point:

THE BEARZATTO SYBLING DYNAMIC

Carmy said, "You are not alone; I am here with you." (This kind of comes back to telling Syd she was not alone at the end of the season.) This scene is about a kid trying to communicate to his mother that he loves her and trying desperately to connect with her, to get her to express her affection for him as well.

It tells me that growing up, he felt like he had to "earn" her affection. Donna likes to make her kids feel guilty about her unhappiness, so the kids feel that they are constantly walking on shells because they think their mother hates them, or at least that she resents them and that it is their responsibility to fix it.

In the scene, Carmy asked,

"What is so hard, Mom?"

I think what he was actually asking is, "What is so hard about being with us, to love us? What did we do to you that made you resent us this way?" He is asking because he wants to know, to finally understand. Why do you drink, Mom? Why do you yell? Why do you say such hurtful things?

When she answers, "Nobody makes things beautiful for me," you can see in his face the disconnection. He knows he can't do anything about that.

Then, a crucial part in the scene occurs when Donna calls him "Michael, " which indicates that the only one of her children who could make her feel happy was Michael, or at least that is how the other two kids felt. You can see the hurt in Carmy's eyes in the scene because this answer dismisses his effort to connect to his mother in his own right. She asks him to just leave. He offers to wait to connect with her. Then, it comes to the most chilling moment on the scene, the "we have a problem" using his full name, with resentment in every word. She hugs him while crying, kisses him, and then slaps him.

This is rejection. There is a book called "The Five Wounds of the Soul": wich are Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal, and Injustice. I think Carmy's wound is rejection, for never earning his mother's love, particularly comparing himself to Michael.

Michael took responsibility for the Beef, finally giving their mom a break. It was Michael's job to make sure everyone was having a good time, to compensate for the discomfort that caused being in Donna's presence, to make sure all of them stayed as a family, which was Donna's intention, so Michael thought he had to make that happen for her. Therefore, Michael is the only one of her kids who succeeds and makes her happy. We know Donna rejects Natalie and Carmy. About Natalie, we can write another whole essay.

THE LIE THAT CARMY BELIVES

According to this scene, I think Carmy thinks that her mother didn't love him because he is not Michael; in fact, he is the most "not like Michael" someone could be. He was shy and stuttered and didn't have friends or girlfriends, comparable to Michael's ability to control every room he was in. Carmy was sensible and no macho alfa as Michael presented himself to be. Carmy left home and the family business, and both Michael and Donna expressed that they feel like he thinks he is better than them. Michael admitted later to admiring Carmy's work in Copenhagen, but Donna never did. carmy grew up having to live with the crumbles of Donna's attention that Michael left behind, wondering every day what was so wrong with him that made her reject him, and wondering what he could do to change that.

The lie that Carmy belives, could be sumarize this way:

I need to earn people's love. I need to always go the extra mile, doing the most possible at all times to earn people's love.

This all goes back to his trauma with Michael. It goes back to his career as a chef and how he became the best. He didn't need to succeed on a larger scale in the culinary industry to earn Michael's respect and love; he needed to be the best in the world, so he did that. He judges his own social abilities, comparing them to Miachae's. He left that promising career only because of Michae's death. He got the girlfriend Michael wanted for him (not saying it was the only reason, but it was there).

PART 2: WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS HAD TO DO WITH SYDNEY?

Well, what does a person who feels they always need to do the most? They do the most. I want to bring you back to the moments Carmy had to develop menu ideas with Syd on s1 and s2.

When Syd suggested items for the menu in s1, he gave her an inconclusive, not enthusiastic "maybe."

When she had to actually cook the thing for him to approve, he tried to make her feel small about it. He felt the need to remind her that she was "impatient and green," according to her previous bosses. He commented about her possibly ruining the flow by using time to cook her recipe. Yikes all around, but the core here is that he was treating her like an enemy, like competition, while she was trying to save the restaurant with what they had on hand to use the most efficient solution.

Then, when Carmy tries the dish and feels stunned by it, he has to make an ambiguous excuse on the fly and just finishes every chance of them using the recipe by saying, "is not ready yet"

And what does he do next? He goes to show the crew a recipe that is extremely complicated for the level they are operating at currently—they said so themselves. I think the recipe is a variation of Donna's butter chicken recipe. To put a nail on that coffin of his intentions to earn her love and approval at the end of it all.

But why does he do all this? Because he needs to be the hero, subconsciously, he is still that small kid begging for acceptance and love; he must go the extra mile. He cannot accept Sydney's help and partnership, because that will take away from him earning what he wants on his own merit.

In S2, he seems unenthusiastic about starting the menu in the first place. Then Claire comes along, and he tries to make it work with Syd and the menu, but I think he subconsciously thanks the universe for not having to go to his core wound. That is what self-sabotage is. That is why he bailed on the food tour with Syd, using such a stupid excuse as helping somebody else move out and never mentioning it again. He never asked her what she liked or what ideas she thought of. For most of the creative process, Syd is alone, working on her own creative crisis. The menu ends up being like two recipes they made in collaboration and then all of his family's traditional recipes. It is two of Syd's recipes and the rest of Carmy's. Then, desserts Marcus did on his own. The collaboration was superficial at best.

All of this creates the core theme of the show. The Bear was once a chaotic place (like their childhood home) that needs to evolve into an efficient, peaceful place built on love, support, and mutual collaboration like a functional family should be. Sydney is the member of this found family that forces Carmy to confront his core wound and learn he can actually be good enough while still accepting help. Therapy probably will play an important part in this theme, alongside with Carmy learning there was nothing wrong with him in the first place, that earning your parent's love is not something a kid can do.

Thankyou for reading. Gif and images are not mine.

#sydcarmy #the bear meta #sydney adamu #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto #the bear fx #the bear #sydney x carmy #carmy the bear #carmy x sydney #the bear hulu #donna berzatto #michael berzatto #natalie berzatto

[daze4all]

From the 7 Days of Sugar Daddy Series: Blade’s Extension with Smut

Thursday – Blade- Sex to Soothe the Mara & Memories

Synopsis: Smut, Fluff. & Bit Angst Cuz This Blade –  Angry sex with Blade and Playing with Blade’s Hair , SFW & NSFW Parts. Nurse play? Hair pettings, Oral, riding, some bondage, emotional sex, hate sex, marastruck blade, yandere blade, sugar daddy blad, implied prostitution.

SFW: Introduction: Job to Soothe the Mara introduced by Kafka

Side Note Imagine: if Reader thought she was caretaking a cat not a guy cuz Grumpy cat Blade lol

The idea wasn’t his. A gorgeous lady with a spider and like spider she weaved you into the web to capture a flower and delivered you to the beast called blade. “Help me help take the edge off and distract him for bit will you dear?” She directed in a sweet tone. Sticky sweet and dangerous as honeyed poison. This was one customer perhaps you shouldn’t have accepted, but the web was to addicting to get free.

Once he had a taste, he’d hunt you down you were sure of it if you ever stopped. It was hard enough keeping him form consuming you whole.

There was no doubt what Blade wanted. You did help clean up the base from time to time as housekeeper. However, the role was simple to help Blade burn off some steam. Rough and possessive the most dangerous customer by far.

 But his treatment also reminded you of your place your duty and you did get some pleasure and satisfaction from the directness of doing your job it was clear cut simple. And always lead to them wanting the same thing: sex

SFW: Reader Introduction by Kafka to Blade

Blade was resistant at first “What the hell is this” seeing you all dolled up. A bright flower in his bedroom weak fragile and sure to break if he touched it.

“A present, Blade. So you stop hurting yourself during missions and practice. Instead take out your steam and occupy yourself with pleasurable activates, have fun~ “ Kafka cooed as she pushed you into Blade’s room and locked the door to trap you both.

“What the shall I show you? You teased at first snapping into work mode. He was raterh acctrative in dark dangeoru way.

Don’t touch me” he snapped obctough nut to crack. Most of the time you dealt with good guy ones who didn’t know your other services but sometimes a bad boy was what you needed to tease and be teased who knew this was game or transaction of sorts. Although this was unique situation being hired by someone else to loosen a guy up….

“hmm? well anything else I can do? I and cook and clean” You offered and hummed tilting head back analyzing him wondering how to manage this grumpy cat to get the job done.

And so, a deal was struck and that’s what you did while at the station until he started to become more comfortable with you enough that he came to his room injured when cleaning up.

---NSFW: Smut Starts  Playing Nurse & Patching up Blade x Reader---

“Oh god your hurt” you gasped noticing red bleeding through his bandages. You sat next to him on the bed and crossing your legs letting your bottoms ride up.

Don’t worry its healed Blade answered gruffly pulling away.

“Still, it must hurt. Where are your medical supplies?” You asked already digging through his stuff for bandages to wind around his wound softly gasp at scars littering his body.

You were kind, caring, innocent and so unknowing. Blade seethed the mara in him rising wanting to ruin that purity. (and stop you going through his stuff)

Your careful ministrations heating up his senses.

“How foolish” he rasped as he reached for your hand interrupting you rolling the bandage roll as it falls unraveling on the ground.

“Fine you want to do this? Strip” Blade says gruffly pulling at your clothes

----Smut  with Blade---

Quickly tables are turned. You situated between his legs on the ground licking at his length.

“Ah you whore” he mocks as you lapped his length.   His hand threaded through your hair tugging, holding hard.

As you swallowed him so his hum of pleasure led to his hitched breath restraining a moan.

Defiance rose in you as you met his challenge face on. While he was aroused you eased him down with hand to his chest and seated yourself on his hard on. Unbalanced he him fell back on the bed slightly against the headboard as you pushed the initiative “I am good at what I do”

Blade tightened his grip in warning ground down on his hard on a but also pressing you close like he cannot bear you to be away.

Despite his harsh words his actions rang true.  Blade wanted you with his dark hooded eyes intently fixed on you swaying form riding him.

 “Wet as fuck” he swore melting into your folds in between moans. Swearing to cover up any sounds.

 “Whore” he called you squeezing you holding you up by your legs thrusting upward into your warmth. He fucked you resentfully as if you were someone he hated.

“But right now, I’m here making you feel so good” you coo mockingly and as reminder to snap him back to the present moment.

“Shut up” Blade grasps your hands and holds your arms above you head on the bed’s headboard. Blades blunt tip catching your wet hole fucking his frustration and his madness into you.

“That’s right…punishment for such a slut”

“Ahh!” you moaned breathless at the speed and stamina. Blade’s stamina was scary almost like he didn’t sleep.

Bit Sad emotional & Rough sex here-

“Damned fool”

Blade mumbled darkly into your shoulder onto to be tossed on you back speared doggy style his mouth and teeth scraping, sucking, and biting tearing at your shoulder to leave a mark.’

“Cheater “

“Blade?”  Unsure he was addressing you did he know?

Blade growled. Lost deep in his madness and musings you permitted it though you hated it. A mark from one meant many more to come as men were so possessive.  

Hair intermingled and overlapped forming a curtain cutting him off from eyesight intensifying the feeling with one sense cut off.

“Don’t you dare leave “Eyes aglow burning with hate not directed at you. Perhaps himself or an unknown enemy.

bright flame eyes blazing.

“I’m here right now “ you soothe stroking his head a gentle touch to contrast to his rough treatment of you.

His eye dimming hazy before reigniting with a light only push you harder.

Only to flicker back intently focused on your form.

 “Liar “ his angry growl hit deep as did his hips burying into your gummy walls.

“ah more” you plead. As his attention snapped back to you. Blade burying and bullying into  your warmth.

“Stay” he ordered yes dark.

“ For the night and day” you cooed vindictively if he thought of others you could have them too. This riled up his competitiveness shifting his focus back to you in fury.

“Fuck so tight” Blade’x tone visceral as he swore as he rocked into you.

Mph there you gasped as he hit the right spot and he obliged pistoning his hips.

“Then let’s make the most of it” he growled annoyed by your answer but focused back on you.

“Fuck them, Your mine” Blade growls over and over as he ruts into you.  A man of few but intense words. Blade voice a hoarse cry in his release with yours quick to follow.

Yandere!Blade smothering and burning you whole and inside out with his fierce raging emotions and roughness. Until the blaze fizzled out into ember exhausted in the sheets

After Care: Yandere Blade: Patching Up Bruises & Bitemarks with Blade

During aftercare, his touches sometimes fade softer, lingering, and clingy rather than hard and grasping. Once Blade grunted out a soft “Sorry” as he patched up your bruises. Eyes like candle steady but flickering in and out of clarity but always so intense.

His face furrowed with concentration as he patched you up. Admiring and yet remorseful. Disgusted yet proud of the marks his lovemaking made.

“Those who keep you from me, I can cut them down” threatened Blade his hand lingering before settling on your thigh a gentle pressure that tightened with his threat. A sweet gesture to protect you he thought. The closest he would come to kind.

The pressure on you bruised of your thigh a physical reminder as insidious and brutal as his love. Careless and all consuming, maa struck with madness to taking until none was left if you didn’t control, the situation.

“There is no need, this is my choice, my life” you were quick to assure him plus no matter however strong he was. Blade was a fugitive, and you were the lover of multiple powerful men. None who were willing to give you up…

Enough that they were willing to share.

You were playing dangerous game and wondered when they would snap. You always suspected; Blade might be the first…

AfterCare: Blade Stay & Sleep Together

“I thought we were done.”  you questioned gently easing out of his tight hold of your wrists to leave the bed.  

“Come. Back “ Blade orders solemn and soft on the bed looking like forlorn puppy.

“I will, if that’s what you want” you paused surprised as you thought he would want you gone once the deed was done.

“Stay “ Blade ordered” gruffly.  To your surprise he wrapped in his arms around you like his blade and dragged you back into the bed from behind. You froze unsure what to do next, but he just held onto you like one of the broken blade he held onto fervently.

“Just…sleep” He stated having noticed your exhaustion. So strong and yet so broken…you weren’t sure if it hurt or helped to be with him and vice versa, to see him like this. But better to not be alone.

“Okay.”  You relaxed in his arms to stay the night and cuddle. A bit surprised thinking it was round two maybe.

You returned the embrace to which he stiffened before relaxing. You held each other quietly both exhausted but comforted by each other’s presence on the bed until you both dropped off into sleep.

Extra: Soothing to Sleep, Playing with Hair ,& Musing on The Past

Soft Sad Fluff & Angst Context optional for Renfeng fans~ kinda NTR past relationship alluded idk?

After you both had fallen asleep, once you had woken up to find him still asleep.  Often it was him waking you up with night terrors or to go back to the deed to distract him from his dark thoughts.

Blades eyelashes long dark soft breath in sleep. You push back a strand of his hair that was fallen. A silky strand of navy blue fading to blood red. Being Mara struck you wondered how much he remembers.

 If he had seen, you in the past present future or another time or place… At this thought you clenched a strand bit tighter before dropping it and smoothing it back in place

You froze as Blade shifted in his sleep and furrowing his brow in nightmare as if he might wake up.

You stroked Blade’s head to soothe him back to sleep and luckily he settled with snore and grumble “pay…fool”

You mulled over the swears spoken in the height of passion. More than dirty talk. More than just you…the cheater …the liar ….the damned fool.

The way he had of saying it.

His clouded eyes if seeing someone else before fucking you back to reality with ferocity.

A blaze of clarity and guilty gentle aftercare treatment of patching up any bruise or bites afterwards with practiced hands.

The hate fucking, Blade directed at you for release. It made you wonder sometimes if he was talking about someone else when fucking you.

 It was hard you thought to be battling a ghost and be treated as a substitute when it should be focused on solely on you…It hurt your pride. But also made you curious did he remember?

A strange pattern from your most dangerous client. When you were with him you thought sadly. The most trouble by far but you shook it off as you only there to distract him, soothe his mara, and make him feel pleasure.

However, your hand still lingered stroking Blade’s head as if to soothe the sadness and mara in sleep.

  Sex to Soothe the Mara & Memories (Somehow I did it folks after angsty hot hate sex I made Blade a cold, soft and sad boi.

#honkai star rail #honkai star rail imagines #honkai star rail x reader #hsr blade #male yandere x reader #yandere imagines #game smut #smut writing #blade smut #anime smut #hsr yingxing #yingxing x reader #yingxing x dan feng #dan feng #renfeng #female reader #reader insert #blade x reader #yandere male #male yandere #yandere honkai star rail #soft yandere #yandere #yandere blade #7 days a week hsr sugar daddies

[sokosmic]

Synastry Observations #2

💙 Their Mars in your 3rd House makes them want to talk to you all the time. Conversation tends to flow freely. You inspire each other's thoughts and ideas. They tell you things about their siblings or neighbors. You enjoy running errands together. Frequent talks about sex and sexting isn't unusual for this overlay.

🤍 Moon overlaying the 9th House can indicate that there is significant distance between the two of you. Long distance relationship. Person from a different culture or ethnic background. This overlay also indicates that you may share similar religious beliefs or philosophies on life.

💙 Venus opposing Uranus can also indicate a relationship between two very different people. This aspect in synastry brings excitement, especially in the beginning. The Uranus person sends electrifying signals to the Venus person, who is drawn to the Uranus person. There needs to be some grounding and enduring aspects in the rest of this synastry for a relationship to last with this one. This aspect can also manifest as an on/off relationship because the two are activated towards each other through transits.

🤍 Having Mercury square Mercury in synastry can be tough. Here the people involved struggle with communication and understanding each other during critical and even non-critical moments. When Mercury squares in synastry, even small misunderstandings can quickly escalate to bigger disagreements. Because squares are typically created by signs of the same modality, but different elements, the minds of these people clash because the approach is different. For instance, a Cancer Mercury and Libra Mercury both are Cardinal and the mind works fast for these signs. But Cancer's mode of communication is filtered through the emotions (Water), while Libra filters through the mind (Air).

💙 When their Venus is in your 7th House, you find them very attractive. They embody what is beautiful to you. As the House person, you have the attributes and qualities of what Venus values in love and partnerships. The Venus person values you. This overlay can also indicate the Venus person coming into the House person's life to increase value or make money together.

🤍 When a person's Mars conjuncts another's Chiron, the Mars person has come to help facilitate healing for the Chiron person. As long as the rest of the synastry supports it, Mars isn't afflicted, and the Chiron person has already done some shadow work to address wounds, this is a very positive aspect in synastry.

💙 I've noticed when Saturn conjuncts the North Node in synastry, it can indicate a lifelong friendship. Of course, this can develop into a romantic partnership, or even start off romantic and end up as friends. But essentially, the people involved become bound together with this aspect. It is often the Saturn person who gets stuck on the NN person. Saturn initially introduces structure and discipline to the NN person. The NN person shows Saturn how to lighten up and allow lessons to evolve naturally. This aspect in synastry can also indicate creating 'good' Karma in this lifetime. Often there is an age difference involved.

🤍 Neptune conjunct Vertex in synastry can be a beautifully fated connection or an extreme nightmare. When Neptune is positively placed within the natal and in synastry, this aspect brings a brand new, positive perspective to the Vertex person about compassion and unconditional love. But because of the nature of Neptune and the potential for illusions and deceit, if Neptune is ill placed or badly afflicted, Neptune will teach the Vertex person about seeing clearly, setting proper boundaries, and using their intuition.

These are my observations and opinions. Take what resonates and leave what doesn't. Thanks for reading!

-So.Kosmic 👽💜💫

#synastry #astro observations #synastry observations #synastry astrology #synastry aspects #neptune synastry #vertex synastry #saturn synastry #north node synastry #mars synastry #chiron synastry #venus synastry #7th house synastry #venus uranus synastry #moon synastry #3rd house synastry #sokosmic #mykosmiclife

[celtic-crossbow]

Series Masterlist

*Click here to be added to taglists.

Chapter 8

Warnings: Mentions of past SA, mention of injuries sustained from SA, scars, masturbation, poor mental health all around

You spent the day with Carol, getting a tour of the prison. There were places that were considered safe, cleared of the dead. That included most of the yard, the towers, a few cell blocks, and the area separating the blocks. You were advised never to go into the tombs, especially until you had been trained to defend yourself. From the living and the dead. 

You watched her prepare a small, simple lunch of stew with some rabbits that Daryl brought back and prepped for her. The stew would need to be stretched out to cover dinner as well. Carol confided in you that she was hoping Daryl could get a deer on his next outing. 

Between meals, laundry had to be done and the fence had to be cleared. Carol opted for laundry. It was something a couple of other women had taken over since the group had grown in number while Carol had moved to the fence. However, she refused to take you close to the walkers without any knowledge of how to defend yourself. You were introduced to the other women but only worked with Carol so that you were less afraid and anxious. Daryl volunteered to take her spot clearing the fence line. 

You had seen him several times but he would only interact with Carol, not even sparing you a glance. His dismissal of you made you feel odd, to say the least. He bought you but didn’t want you. On top of that, the women worked alongside the men on normal activities and were treated kindly. The men you had been introduced to were respectful, but you did have Carol always ensuring she positioned herself between you and the strangers. Kids were playing and learning. There was even a baby. 

It was a lot for your first full day. By the time dinner was over and you came inside with Carol, you were exhausted. 

“Why don’t I show you where the showers are? You can get cleaned up. I’ll bring some soft clothes for you to sleep in and leave them just inside the door.” She suggested, already leading the way. You really didn’t want to give up the clothes Daryl had given you. You found them comforting. It was the first time you had been in something that wasn’t lace or sequins for as long as you could remember. 

Still, it would be nice to feel clean. Really clean and comfortable. So, you relented with a nod. “Okay.”

“Look at you. Baby steps are still steps in the right direction.” When she gave your upper arm a squeeze, you actually didn’t flinch.

Carol showed you how the showers were rigged up to the drums of water and advised you not to stay in too long or you’d use it all up. You were terrified of being alone with only the light of a single candle so she promised to come right back after she grabbed clothes for you. You almost asked to go with her instead, but wanted to see that proud smile she had been giving you. So you stayed. 

The water was cold but you were used to that. A bath at the club had usually meant you stood perfectly still and silent while a bucket of freezing water was dumped over you. Still, your breath hitched when the first cold spray touched your skin. 

Using soap was like heaven. You actually managed to forget your fear of the dark, quiet room in favor of running your hands over your skin to rid the layers of dirt and grime your quick lake bath had left behind. You paid special attention to the area between your legs. The wounds had long ago healed and scarred over but you had never truly felt clean there since Todd’s brother had assaulted you. You had killed the man with his own knife but Jazz’s people got to you anyway.

Carefully, you ran your soapy fingers over the sensitive skin, the scars his knife had left raised and bumpy. Imperfect. Broken. Flawed. You pulled your hand away, staring down the front of your body as the suds disappeared, showing the scars across your breasts and stomach. They weren’t as severe as the ones your back held. But they were there. 

Your lip was quivering with tears weighing down your lashes but you managed to get the soap off of your hands and wipe at your eyes before they could fall. The squeaky door opened. You assumed Carol had returned, hopefully remembering you didn’t have a towel. Your shivering only seemed to worsen once the water was shut off so you decided maybe you could intercept her. She was going to see you regardless. There weren’t curtains on the stalls. 

Careful not to slip, you trotted out of the stall with your teeth chattering… and slammed straight into Daryl’s chest. 

You backed up immediately, shocked gazes meeting briefly before you dropped your head. You didn’t attempt to cover yourself. Men had a right to look at your body, Daryl even more so. 

“I’m s-s-s-sorry.” Goosebumps were littering your skin but you didn’t dare move. Maybe he’d finally decided he wanted you, despite what Carol had said. You didn’t even hear him move before his boots stepped right in front of your bare feet. He sighed before wrapping a large towel around your petite frame, holding the front out a little for you to grab. 

“Usu’lly need one’a them if yer gonna take a shower.” His voice was low and gravelly in a way that you’d never heard from him. “M’sorry.” Why on earth was he apologizing?

“Th-thank you,” you took a deep breath, “Daryl.” You squeezed your eyes shut and waited for the rage. It never came. Did he really just want you to call him by his name?

“Mhm.”

The door squeaked again, Carol rushing through with an apology on her lips and a towel in her hand. Her soft expression turned stern. “What’re you doing in here, Daryl.”

The archer lifted his hands in a placating gesture, his sleep pants draped over one arm. “Easy, woman. Was jus’ gonna grab a shower n’ this’un didn’ have a towel. Gave ‘er mine.”

Her face said that she believed him but she leaned to check on you anyway. You gave a tight smile and nodded. “I’m okay.” You all but whispered, scurrying past him and toward the woman you were learning to trust more and more. 

“Here.” She tossed him the towel she’d brought for you. “Take your shower. And learn to knock.”

“More than one stall in here. Shouldn’ hafta knock.” She had an arm around your shoulder when she shot him a look, resulting in his hands coming up in that same gesture once again. “I’ll knock. Jesus.”

“Good.” She smiled at him sweetly and he gave her a middle finger as she steered you through the doorway, pressing the clothes into your torso as you walked. “I’m so sorry, honey. I took a few minutes to set up the top bunk for you. I didn’t know he’d be showering this late. Are you sure you’re okay?”

You nodded quickly. He hadn’t even tried to hurt you, which still boggled you. Little by little, you were beginning to believe what she was telling you; that you were indeed safe. Still, your guard was up and the fear lingered. The learned behaviors were not letting go so easily. 

Once you were in the cell, Carol turned away from you to allow you to get dressed. The clothes she brought you were warm and comfortable. They were a little big but fit well enough. You climbed onto the top bunk before she spun back around. She was already dressed in a loose shirt and sweats, her feet bare. 

“You feel safe enough to get some sleep?”

Pulling the thin blanket up to your shoulders, you laid on your side. The mattress was thin but it was more comfortable than anywhere you had been allowed to sleep in a long time. “I think so. Thank you.”

“No need to thank me. Just try to rest. I’ll see you in the morning.” She said from the bunk below you. 

“Okay.” Once the candle had been blown out and shadows swept into the room, you pulled the blanket up further, covering everything up to your eyes. Fear was building up in your chest, your gaze on the blanket over the cell door, watching it as if someone would tear through it at any given moment. 

You realized your eyelids were growing heavy only seconds before they closed and you fell into a deep sleep. 

The image of you standing bare in front of him was etched into his mind. He found himself extremely grateful for the cold water dousing his heated skin. He shouldn’t think of you like that. It was wrong. You had been objectified for god knows how long. He had no right to entertain the scenarios running through his brain. 

He knew it wasn’t attraction that made you look at him the way you did. It was obligation. It was fear. He certainly wouldn’t mind if it was something you truly wanted. He’d let you wrap those pouty lips around him, fucking your mouth and wiping the tears from the corners eyes as you gagged on him. He would return the favor, of course. He wondered what you tasted like. He would make you cum on his tongue first, then bury himself inside you to the hilt. What sounds would you offer to him? Would your thighs shake against his hips as you came again?

“Fuck.” Daryl forced out through gritted teeth. He punched the hard wall in front of him, leaving his fist there to rest his head against it. He was a real piece of work to imagine fucking you when you’d spent so long being raped over and over just to survive. A real fucking prick. 

The cold water was doing little to calm him now. His cock had stirred to life, now painfully hard. With a growl, he took himself in hand but didn’t move. He wasn’t sure what to think about when all he wanted now was you. If it wasn’t the end of the world, he’d still have his brother and Merle would have porn in one form or another. Then again, if it wasn’t the end of the world, he’d probably never have met you and this wouldn’t currently be an issue. 

This wasn’t something he normally did. Daryl wasn’t an overly sexual being. He had jerked off twice since the turn and it had been out of boredom more than anything else. He had to handle this. He couldn’t exactly stroll out of the showers with a raging erection in his sleep pants. God knows how long it would take to go away on its own, especially with the intrusive images of you playing in his head.      

The first stroke forced a hiss from between his teeth, but he pressed on and quickly fell into a rhythm. He tried to imagine girls Merle had brought home before but they always morphed into you. After a few very frustrating minutes, he gave in and let his imagination run rampant. 

He fucked into you hard while you whimpered around the fingers he was pressing down on your tongue. When you took him like a good girl, he slid down your body and devoured your pussy as a reward. The little mewls and moans he imagined you’d give to him were quickly stoking the fire at the base of his spine. When he pictured you riding him, his hands squeezing your hips as you begged for him to cum, he was undone. 

Daryl came with a muted shout, biting his fist to keep himself grounded through each wave. Panting, he turned and placed his back against the wall, tiredly watching his spend mix with the cold water and disappear down the drain. 

Disgusted by what he had just done, he rushed through the actual bathing and shut off the water. He truly wanted nothing more than to disappear into the woods for a few days. At least until the very thought of you didn’t make him feel like he should apologize. 

“Goddamnit.” His voice was a mere whisper. Grabbing his discarded clothing, he just pressed his palm down onto the candle to extinguish the flame. The sharp pain from the burn was easy to ignore. He deserved worse. 

How did he let it get to this point? He truly was an asshole. 

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[yinastra]

✩ A Silent Heartbeat ✩

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅

Xiao x gn!adeptus!reader

Summary: Xiao has never noticed the beauty of the world around him─ or of his "partner", either.

TW: Self depreciation, survivors guilt

Cws: Xiao talks down on himself a lot, angsty, hurt/comfort(??), sun and moon trope(if you squint)

Wc: Around 4.3k (I've gone insane)

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Xiao's pants come in heavy as he stares at his surroundings.

This ruin guard factory had been becoming more and more active, something he couldn't allow to continue.

There had been a small girl who was almost harmed under his watch by these very ruin guards. Unforgivable, he thought.

How could he, an adeptus sworn to protect the vast lands of Liyue, allow a small child to feel such fear for her life? Unforgivable.

His face is expressionless as he removes the Yaksha mask, placing it back upon his waist.

His work done, he sets out to retire back to the inn for a while to gather his bearings. Then, he shall set out again on his nightly patrol of Liyue.

He appears where he always does, on the roof of Wangshu Inn. There, he sits. He has not the right mind to admire the way the stars shine, nor the crisp night air on his tongue. Instead, he fixates on the scent of bloodshed still lingering on his person.

He notices footsteps on the balcony of Wangshu Inn coming in rapidly. Looking down, it's..

Them.

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An adeptus of fairly negligible background, they serve as a mere worker at Wangshu Inn. However, not long ago..

they were to be assigned as Xiao's personal healer.

Xiao never took care of himself well. Any wound he received he'd brush off as a "flesh wound", not paying much attention. He was an adeptus, how could he protect Liyue and uphold his promise to Morax if he would allow such 'small' wounds hinder his ability to carry out his duties?

Of course, as an adeptus, naturally, the wounds would heal. However, it was no secret that adepti could still feel pain. Even of 'flesh wounds'.

This was made apparent to Zhongli─ Morax, by them.

In turn, Morax summoned Xiao. Without question, Xiao returned to Morax's side, awaiting orders, when─

"Xiao. I'd like to introduce you to your new partner." His deep voice resounded through the walls.

Xiao looks up from his bowed position, eyes piercing and sharp.

There, stands another adeptus, their person adorned with many medicinal herbs utilized for mortal use.

"Useless," He thinks. Mortal medicine doesn't work on him. He's an adeptus, he's meant to be above these material things. He's meant to protect mortals, not waste supplies they need. It'd be undignified of him.

They introduce themselves. Their name, their occupation. "Herbalist," they said. "Doctor," they said.

Useless.

An herbalist? A doctor? A partner?

How useless.

Xiao had no need for those things. He was simply..

he simply..

No matter. He had no need.

However, Morax was persistent on the topic, and who was he, really, to deny Morax's orders? Nobody. So, Xiao 'accepts' this 'partner' of his, with no intentions to further a relation with them.

It began small. Instead of the chef of Wangshu Inn leaving the food for him, they did it. It began with them simply being the one to deliver the almond tofu, leaving it in the night's solemn embrace for him, to them sitting near the balcony's table, carefully setting down the plate for him in wait.

The weight of Morax's expectations pressed upon him like a leaden cloak, each silent command a heavy burden upon his shoulders.

With a resigned sigh, he begrudgingly accepted their presence, feeling the weight of duty pulling him down. He sat in stoic silence, his jaw clenched tight, unwilling to indulge in conversation but willing enough to endure the oppressive silence that hung between them.

..did not deserve.

At best, he'd spare a few words for them. They did this a while, until he learned..

he was specially reserving parts of his day for them. For that very moment.

And then..

He'd reserve for them parts of him. For that very moment.

For that very moment they meet under the moon's gentle glow, as friends, as colleagues, as..

Partners.

It used to be a chore to speak even a few words to them, to even sit at the same table as them. Yet, now..

He craved it.

He wanted them to listen. He wanted them to hear what he had gone through.

Maybe..

Maybe they'd accept him.

What a foolish thought. Incredibly irresponsible─ how could he disregard the fact that his karmic debt would still chip away at their very being, their soul.

So he strays away from them. He sits on the roof longer, peering down at them.

He observes how they deflate when he's late. When he doesn't show up at all.

How their eyes fall down, as they fidget with an accessory on their person, and as they huff to see their breath in the cool night air.

He can't help himself from feeling..

incomplete.

Without their presence, without their listening ear, without their calming voice, without their soft chiding and scolds, he's..

missing something.

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅

He looks down as they sit there, still waiting for him. As the moon reaches its peak, he realizes they won't leave.

He could just take the almond tofu and leave, right?

He couldn't have anticipated this.

His arrival is immediately met with their warm embrace. He was surprised, startled even.

Dealing with the vicious beasts of Teyvat was usual for him. Not even the most abominable creatures and monsters could make him cower anymore.

And yet..

These mortal feelings, this mortal warmth..

It shook him to his core.

Quickly, they pull away, apologizing for the sudden intrusion of his 'personal space'.

This.. was not a feeling familiar to him.

They apologize profusely, placing the almond tofu on the table and leaving quickly.

He sits down by himself, bringing the almond tofu to his mouth.

Tonight..

The stars seemed to shine brighter.

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅

The next night he returns with a gaping gash on his arm. He hadn't slept in days, causing his guard to falter for a moment too long.

He grits his teeth as the pain meshes into the strings of karmic debt, pulling and pushing at him constantly.

Without thinking, he jumps down to the balcony.

They seem startled, but the surprise is met with worry as they see the large gash on his arm. Immediately, they stand up, assessing the wound.

Without hesitation, they take his other arm and throw it around their shoulder, holding him up with their own arm.

They lead him to his room, setting him down carefully onto the bed.

"What did I say about sleeping? Even adepti must rest," They chide, carefully wetting a towel and dabbing the spot, causing him to hiss.

"I have to need for mortal activities. I live only to kill, and to kill alone. Sleep is unnecessary." He speaks out gruffly, looking the other way, towards the window.

"This wound speaks otherwise. How are you to protect Liyue if you can't even protect yourself? I require you to rest for at least 3 days before you return to duty." They say, running a hand along the wound.

The wound closes up partially, courtesy of their healing abilities. They open up their medicine bag, pulling out some herbs he's never seen before.

"Mortal medicine won't─"

"This isn't mortal medicine," They interrupt him before he can finish speaking, some of the leaves in their mouth as they place some others in the mortar and pestle to crush into a fine powder.

After a few moments, they add in an herbal base, mixing the two together. They lightly apply the cool paste to his wounded skin. He grits his teeth at the sudden sensation.

"This is adepti medicine. I have specially cultivated it myself. It should help with the pain." They explain, seeming unphased as they crush up another bundle of leaves.

"This.. this will induce a restful sleep. I require you take this every night before the moon reaches its peak." They clarify, holding out the paste that has been mixed into a tea-like base.

He opens his mouth to protest stubbornly, to again, state how he, an adeptus, could not leave his position for such 'useless' rest. However, he, again, is silenced by them. This time..

by their unfaltering gaze.

Eyes swelled with worry, no doubt had he never seen such emotion within an expression, just..

just for him.

He quiets, accepting the treatment.

"...and adepti must eat. Before I send you off to rest, I shall bring you your almond tofu. Don't move too much, that wound isn't completely healed yet." They say, leaving the room, leaving him with his thoughts.

The wind howled outside, a symphony of nature's fury as it swept through the trees, rattling their branches and sending leaves swirling in a chaotic dance.

He looks until he sees his reflection in the window, faintly.

He's pathetic, he thinks. Requiring help as the sworn protector of Liyue, he.. he..

He really didn't deserve this.

How could he have survived? All the other Yaksha..

Why was he the only one left?

Xiao's gaze drifted to the ground, his fists clenched at his sides. Memories of battles lost and comrades fallen flashed through his mind like shards of glass. He wasn't the strongest Yaksha, that much was clear.

Each defeat weighed heavily on his shoulders, a constant reminder of his inadequacy. The thought gnawed at him like a festering wound, twisting his insides with self-doubt. As he looked up at the star-filled sky, he couldn't help but wonder: how could anyone love a warrior who had failed so many times?

He shouldn't have survived. He shouldn't have lived to see this day. And he really shouldn't allow himself the luxury to even.. enjoy these days.

He did not deserve this more than the other Yaksha did. He did not deserve peaceful days, he did not deserve compassion, he did not deserve love and care like the other Yaksha did.

The other Yaksha would have surely treated them better.

Unlike him, who treats them with unwavering frigidity.

Unlike him, who acts indifferent to their acts of service.

Unlike him, who craves their voice, their touch, but will never speak of it.

Unlike him, who is unworthy.

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅

Footsteps are unheard throughout the halls. He can sense them as they make their way back to his room, a plate of almond tofu in hand.

This was not the plate on the balcony before. This was a new plate, plated differently and made differently from that of the usual; this was not made by the hands of the chef of Wangshu Inn.

"I've decided that the almond tofu on the balcony wasn't tasteful anymore. Here. I've made it myself. I apologize for any mistakes made, the chef wasn't present at this time." They speak quietly, sitting near his bedside and passing him the plate as he sits up.

With his good arm, he raises the mortal utensil to take a bite of it.

It tastes..

It tastes just like a sweet dream.

"..please take the medicine on the bedside. It will help you sleep. If you require anything of assistance, I will be in the room over. Please call my name." They stand up, gathering their things, before a hand clutches their wrist.

He wants to ask for them to stay, just for a while longer, he wants to tell them all of these complicated human emotions, but he quiets these thoughts.

"Thank.. you." He manages to mutter, before quickly releasing them.

They give him a small nod and leave.

That night, he takes the sleeping medicine.

The dreams it induces are..

sweet.

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅

The next morning, he awakes to the sound of the morning birds singing, the sun filtering through the shades of his room.

Sitting up, he feels his head pound. No more than a side effect of the medicine, he assures himself.

Waking up this way was.. new.

It felt so.. tranquil here.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sight of the herbalist walking into his room. They sit down near his bedside once more, holding the back of their hand to his forehead to check for temperature.

"Good morning, Xiao. How do you feel?" They ask, rummaging through their bag for something.

"..Fine." He replies curtly, unwilling to elaborate.

"Alright then. I suggest you stay in bed for today. Tomorrow, you should be set to start moving again, but still no combat or sharp movements, you hear me?"

"..This is unnecessary."

"Do you hear me, Xiao?" They reiterate again sternly.

He paused, knowing they wouldn't let up until he agreed.

"..yes." He murmurs begrudgingly.

"Perfect. I'll have Smiley Yanxiao prepare your─"

"Can you.. please.. do it.." He manages to rasp, his voice caught in his throat at the prospect. What was he doing? Why would he say that? They were already taking such good care of him.. something he truly didn't deserve. So why.. why was he asking for more? Why did he crave more?

They pause.

Were they going to deny his request? To have his request, spoken so brazenly be denied was to be expected, he thought. He said to himself, "Why would they ever do this for me again? They'd be better off with nothing to do with me."

"..Of course." They reply.

"Stay here. It'll only be a moment. And remember; no sharp movements." They remind, leaving the room, and leaving Xiao breathless in the process.

Breathless from the sheer effort it took to mutter that request.

Breathless from their reply.

And breathless from them.

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅

The moments pass as Xiao stares down at his lap. Xiao: bedridden, helpless, at the mercy of another adeptus.

The other Yaksha would never humor this idea of him. After all, he was always so cold and brooding, who would ever think of him sitting in bed, with only his thoughts to accompany him? And with..

A companion, to boot.

This time, he doesn't sense their presence before they walk through the door.

He let his guard down again. And he wasn't even tired.

How foolish of him. What if it had been some kind of creature? He couldn't begin letting his guard down like this. This would be detrimental to his role as protector of Liyue. How could he be so weak? How could he be so foolish?

But it wasn't. It was them.

"Xiao?" Their voice snaps him out of his thought.

"Here you are. Please take this time to rest. Liyue needs its protector, but no living being is simply a machine. Liyue needs its protector to be in his best condition, alright?" They say, folding some of the towels by his bed.

"..right." He mutters, mouth full of almond tofu.

"I'll be off today. I must tend to my fields." They stand up from their sitting position.

"Just call my name if you ever need me, and I will be there." They say, as their footsteps trail out of the room, their presence disappearing soon.

That day, he takes his time looking out at the world. The sun had begun to set, the air beginning to change into the sharp night he was all too familiar with.

He never noticed the beautiful oranges, yellows, and pinks before. When the sun sets, it paints such a beautiful picture. Much unlike the sight of bloodshed he usually observed. The blood staining his clothing, the blood staining the ground around him.

He took the medicine on his bedside, slowly drifting off to sleep as the sun followed suit.

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅

The next time he awoke, they were already there with a plate of almond tofu for him, made fresh. His arm certainly felt better, he noticed.

The sun seemed brighter than he'd ever noticed, the trees lush and the flowers seemed to prosper under its watchful gaze.

He sits up in bed, hands in his lap.

"May I touch your arm?" They ask.

He's surprised. Nobody has ever asked him before. They might have noticed how his demeanor changed with physical contact. They..

worried about his comfort?

..Inconceivable.

He slowly nods, holding out his arm. It surely felt better than it did the day before, but it still slightly hurt to hold out.

They trace two fingers over his wound, helping the scarring swell down. After, they apply the cooling paste once more.

"It looks like you'll be alright," They begin.

"You'll be able to get out of bed today. Just no fighting. And no sharp movements, as the wound could still open." They conclude, standing up to leave after their assessment of the situation. They must be going back to tend to their fields, something Xiao had no experience in. He doubted he could be helpful, and him, a merciless killer, tending to delicate plants and herbs? He could never. But still..

"May I.. come with you?" He chokes out. "To.. to your fields." He clarifies.

A slight expression of surprise surfaces on their face as they think for a moment. They seemed perplexed.

"I.. I understand if─"

"..You can come." They nod. "I don't mind some extra help. And it's good to get some fresh air."

"You mean.. I can.. come?" He asks, mouth running dry.

"Of course. Would you be ready to come now? I can wait a few moments."

"Y.. yes. I can come now." He quickly says, sounding more.. eager than he meant to.

"Great. Would you like a change of clothing? I'll have your current clothes washed."

"A change of clothing? I don't own any other articles of clothing."

"..ah. I see. Not to worry, I'm sure there are some basic articles of clothing in here." They say, walking over to the dressers and rummaging through them. Not a few moments later do they return with some basic clothing─ a brown shirt that clasps in the middle and pants that are tapered at the bottom.

"I assume you don't need help with dressing?" They ask, cocking an eyebrow.

"No. I have not lost my ability to dress." He speaks, looking away.

"Good, good. I'll be outside of your room should you require any assistance. Feel free to come out once you're ready." They say, leaving the room and shutting the door.

Once dressed, Xiao takes in the feeling of the common clothing.

He's never been in this clothing before. It felt.. different. The cloth felt strange on his body. This.. was mortal clothing. He should never be seen wearing mortal clothing. It was unbecoming of someone of his status.

Walking out of the room, he catches a glimpse of them in the kitchen, helping Smiley Yanxiao with the influx of orders. Their moves are quick, nimble, and he finds that they are skilled in cooking. Their hands are delicate, most likely due to the skill required to pluck plants and herbs from the ground without damaging them.

They look up and see Xiao. Smiling at Smiley Yanxiao, they wave a goodbye to him and walk over to Xiao.

The pair set off not a moment later.

Walking on the stone path, a silence covers the two. The hot sun was at its peak, leading the herbalist to pull up their sleeves.

Soon after, they arrive at the plot of land. As far as Xiao's eye can see, the fields are filled with various different types of herbs. They harvest this.. all by themselves?

"If you'd like to help, go and grab a few of the baskets. We'll begin with 3, and then we can get more if needed." They instruct, leaving him to find the baskets.

Doing mortal chores in mortal clothing, how idiotic of him to partake in such activities, he thought to himself as he moved through the fields, trying his best not to trample any of the plants.

As he makes his way back, he finds they they've already plucked many herbs from the ground. They must be used to this by now.

He leans downward, trying his best to pluck the herbal leaves. He's confused when the leaf crumbles in his grasp. Perhaps this was just a testament to his murderous nature, unable to appreciate beauty and preserve it. Perhaps he really was only meant for murder, killing, and war. Perhaps─

His thoughts are interrupted as they seem to notice his struggle, crouching down next to him. Beckoning him to look and observe, their hands gently pluck the leaves without haste. This leaves it pristine, looking as if it had been untouched.

His breath hitches. He could never do that. His work was based on haste and power. He could only ever destroy beauty, this was a fact he knew rang true. But as they took his hand, gently ran his coarse fingers across the leaves, and plucked it with such care, he wondered..

..was he capable of being.. gentle?

He discarded the thought.

As he worked alongside them in the fields, a sense of tranquility settled over him, the burden of his duties momentarily lifted by the simple act of tending to the earth.

The torturous strings of his karmic debt still tore at him, body and soul, even if he should have been at peace.

Who was he angry at?

That night, he lies in bed, staring out at the window to catch a glimpse of the moons glow. He never noticed how bright it shone, even if the sun proved brighter.

The moonlight beamed down, coating the world in a fluorescent white. The world stands still, the world stagnating into a cold blue as the night ran its course.

He closed his eyes.

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅

The next time he opened his eyes, the dawn was still young. Looking out to the window, he took note of the warm sun that blanketed the landscape, protecting all in its light.

The reflection of himself in the glass of the window was more apparent, almost like the stained glass in an art piece.

The door creaks open, revealing them in their usual form.

As per usual, they come in and inspect his wound, checking for any changes.

"It should be almost fully healed by now. I do advise you take it easy for today, however, you're ready to get back on 'duty' tomorrow." They nod, staying in their sitting position.

They mutter something to themselves before turning to the bedside table, handing Xiao a plate of almond tofu.

Xiao silently takes the plate, bringing the spoon to his mouth for a mouthful.

Within their presence, he realizes, time.. felt endless.

The days that have passed were simple days, filled with menial, useless tasks.

So why did he feel..

So fulfilled?

The other Yaksha wanted to become as the mortals did once the archon war ended.

They all wanted to live what he was living now.

He, at that time, had no interest in the mortal lifestyle, even after the war.

..did he?

But even so, he had no business feeling fulfillment of any kind.

He who was worthless.

He who was unworthy.

Yet, that day, he stayed in bed without protest.

He sat idly instead of stubbornly requesting release.

And he spoke with them.

A long while.

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅

By the end of it, the wounds imbedded into his psyche were very evident.

They paused, pursing their lips a moment, before responding.

"...I apologize. My expertise.. is in the body, the flesh. I have no resources to heal the wounds of the mind."

"..Perhaps.. you are capable of much more than you believe." He replies, not quite understanding what his own words meant.

That night, as they left his room, he came to a conclusion.

The one he was angry at had always been himself.

Angry for surviving.

Angry for being so powerless.

Angry, for everything.

And yet, with the presence of his 'partner', he noticed the way the grass would bend to the breeze, as the tides would rise and fall with the moon.

He noticed the will of the mountains, unwavering and steeled.

He noticed the blooming of the flowers, resilient in their passage.

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅

The sun rises to light the path and protect, even if he doesn't realize it.

The moon rises to set the path for rest, its cold tones readying the world for the suns warmth.

The sun burns so bright to give hope and strength, but even the sun must rest, lest the sun burn itself to the core, unable to shine once more.

The moon may not shine as bright, but even so, it will always serve as a light in the dark, a symbol of rest.

The sun doesn't realize his capacity for warmth and love.

As the sun guides all others, the moon will slowly guide the sun unto the path of peace.

Where, on that pier,

he may finally look onto his reflection,

and accept who he is.

#genshin xiao #xiao x reader #xiao genshin impact #genshin impact #genshin x reader #x reader #x gn reader #angsty #yinastra #slight angst #comfort #sun and moon trope(?) #genshin #xiao #hurt/comfort #genshin impact x reader

[ambyandony]

Narancia Ghirga - Monster AU Profile

Narancia Ghirga, a mischievous shapeshifter with reckless habits, undying loyalty, and a shaky sense of belonging.

Preface about species type:

This post will be introducing many polymorph-related vocabulary terms which will be included in the Monster AU 'dictionary'; you don't need to worry about getting confused, because I'll stick with layman's terms for the most part, I'm just including the more formal terms for fun and fake education. They are all words I made up.

Narancia's a bit of a special case; his specific classification is unknown, making him fall into the special category of tochnopolymorph (TOECH-no-paw-lee-morf), also known as a non-specific shapeshifter (NS3), or 'true polymorph'. There are many, many different 'breeds' of polymorphs, but they often have defining features, a true form, set forms, and/or a different classification (such as zooanthrope, selkie, Diego Brando, etc.).

Narancia, however, is one of the types that do not fit into a known further specification. Though he has a natal form (protomorph) that is usually assumed to be his 'true form', Narancia is versatile and does not have a 'true form' (as he's never defined one for himself), only a default; his default form is the same as his protomorph. He can change any physical aspect of himself to a certain extent and can transform into anything provided it isn't too big (as accumulating significantly more matter into his being spontaneously is not generally within the extent of his capabilities, and usually transforming beyond his own mass involves fucking around with internals and is just in general kind of really horrifying).

Note that the rules that apply to Narancia do not apply to all polymorphs, or even all tochnopolymorphs, necessarily.

His clothes stay with him when he shifts, but whether this means that; 1. his clothes are actually a part of his body, 2. he internalises his clothes when he shapeshifts, and then externalises them when he returns to human/protomorph or, 3. some other bullshit; is unclear.

Details related to Polymorphism:

His tail, which is somewhat feline, leonine, or heraldic unicorn-like, is prehensile, meaning it can grab and hold things. It can also extend and shorten at will, though it gets less bushy at the end the longer it gets.

He has tapeta lucida. His eyes are reflective when light shines on them, but they also seem to glow in the dark somewhat.

Could trans his gener in any way at any time he wants to. Except legally. He presumably generally doesn't. But he could. And if he does. It's none of our business.

Many of his theriomorphs (animal forms), such as cats and dogs, have black fur since that's the colour of his hair, and purple eyes, which is a risk to give him away, as the colour is unusual. When questioned about the giveaway, he says, "I'm a shapeshifter, not a fucking chameleon!" However, his ability to imitate other humanoids to a semi-convincing degree, including the all-around-pale Pannacotta Fugo, suggests there are probably other factors involved.

If given enough time, he, like most tochopolymorphs, can regenerate any sort of piercing damage (like cuts, stabs, and bullet wounds). Polymorphic regenerative 'invulnerability' reportedly "does not extend to fall damage"; and may not recover a major pierce through the heart, as they don't have the time to heal it because they are dying right fucking now!!

It's important to note that if something is removed, it would take significantly more effort to restore it, as it would likely require him to redistribute his remaining mass to keep his shape, so if he lost an arm, he'd have to sacrifice some height to restore the arm.

This is only a temporary solution, because even though this method allows him to retain his shape, his missing mass still should be restored, particularly because if it's not, then the arm will still be missing in protomorph, which is activated by instinct.

A lehkomorph, or simple formshift, is a shift into a form that isn't too different from the protomorph, such as Narancia's human-passing form(s). A vazkomorph, or complex formshift, is a shift into a form that's significantly different from the protomorph, such as most theriomorphs and animal forms. Impersonation transformations (simulaforms) are either-or depending on the case; transforming into a small child would be considered a complex formshift due to a difference in general structure.

It's hard for Narancia to maintain both a complex formshift and Aerosmith at the same time. When he retains an animal form, it can be a challenge to summon, control, or use his Stand ability. Whether this is a focus issue, a hypothetically common trait for polymorph Stand Users, or something else, it's hard to say.

Transforming into something too big generally leaves him very sore when he changes back, and he can be quite whiny about it, but, as you'll learn in a bit, the whining... may or may not kinda be warranted. Overuse of shifting capabilities is also known to commonly cause soreness and sometimes dislocations or deformations as the body forgets how to put itself back together properly. Shapeshift responsibly.

To properly redistribute his size, when taking a much smaller form, sometimes 'mass-carriers' need to be formed to store the extra mass less conspicuously; if he were to take a child form, he might have to form with longer hair or a "backpack".

Larger forms usually require the opposite - as gross as it is, a form that is significantly larger usually requires internal mass to be redistributed, meaning that he would probably externalise and/or compress his own organs, which is generally incredibly painful and often very unhealthy; this should only be performed in dire circumstances, and even then, should generally be avoided, because it can be life-threatening.

There is some leniency; Narancia taking the form of an inconspicuous kitten but transforming into a properly-sized humanoid form breaks this restriction, and there are other exceptions, though he generally tries to keep his mass consistent. Taking a smaller form with no mass-carriers usually results from mass-shedding, which can be done voluntarily but is unpleasant. Mass restoration is the harder step of the process, but usually is aided by eating. This is likely the reason that Narancia was able to regain his humanoid form once he’d eaten.

The current only known case study of one of the most horrifying shapeshifter afflictions: form decay! (Bi: Thanks a lot, Prosciutto. Really glad I had to be a part of that)

Though able to regenerate physical damage well, things such as illness, immune issues, and infection are a different matter, as they are things he is unable to control, and they can be very severe for him. He was susceptible, and it culminated in the eye infection.

Though he is a polymorph with no technically set form, his protomorph is very distinctive and suggests something more species-specific. In particular, most of his features appear feline in some capacity, his face especially, not to mention his mannerisms and body language, which are quite catlike.

There may be some implication that the frequent morphing contributes to jaw pain or discomfort that Narancia seems to alleviate by chewing, biting, or eating things he is really not supposed to have in his mouth—like he's teething.

Details about Narancia:

Has a bad habit of slinking around in the dead of night, going into other people's rooms and then promptly fleeing upon waking them up. Cryptid behaviour.

Smug, somewhat childish, and thinks he's SO cool with his shapeshifting. Look, just... let him have this

Likes to just slightly change his appearance to mess with people and see how long it takes them to notice as a prank. Usually, he does this with Mista because he knows he can get away with it. Fugo fell for it at first but when he caught on he started to get mad about it. Just because it's annoying and distracting.

He also used to impersonate Fugo just to mess with him, but it freaked Fugo out, so he stopped doing it because it stopped being as funny when Fugo was scared rather than angry. Narancia never figured out why it scared him so much. Fugo gets twice as freaked out about it post-Pompeii arc. For some reason.

Impersonating Fugo around the others worked at first, but they could usually figure out if it was Fugo or Narancia by speech patterns and body language. Even when he tries to speak like Fugo, Narancia's tone gives him away.

But also, to save time, if they look at the face, they can tell practically right away if it's Fugo or Narancia. Narancia has some form of prosopagnosia—face blindness—so he can never mimic the face quite right (short of copying someone's face while he's staring at it), and something always looks noticeably wrong. He generally distinguishes people by their hair, scent, and voice. He's not completely unable to distinguish the way someone's features look, so he can replicate them if he's looking at them, but as soon as he's not looking, he is unable to recall what someone looks like or recognise someone's face. He doesn't recognise Bruno with his hair down and sometimes struggles to recognise Mista without his hat on.

Absolutely touchstarved (e.g. desires cuddling and petting) but he's a bit awkward about it, especially when it comes to physical affection with other men (very 'no homo' vibes), although he is sort of willing to display physical affection with Mista more openly because it's a 'bro thing' (it is not a bro thing). To remedy this oxymoronic situation, Narancia usually assumes his cat theriomorph when seeking affection, in which he feels less weird about receiving affection and the others feel less weird about petting him.

Regarding the street kids Narancia used to run with before he got arrested, it's a fair assumption to make that they knew Narancia wasn't human and (whether themselves a pack of juvenile werewolves or just a group of humans) hung out with him like he was a more-or-less normal person, and that's why he wanted to run with them. They let him feel like he fit in, which is something he'd struggled with his entire life due to a lack of exposure to any of his own kind, leading him to be unsure if he could ever belong anywhere.

Because he could be anything and transform himself in any way, he wasn't sure that any identity he gave himself was really his or if he was just conforming to what other people wanted. He didn't know how to be "himself", but running with the street kids at least gave him something, a name for himself, a place to belong, maybe a role to fill that wasn't just 'whatever they need at the moment' (though he certainly did a lot of that). But "Bro" was mostly just using him because his shapeshifting abilities were really useful and really convenient for framing him.

Fugo happened upon a sickly, injured kitten on his way to Libeccio's one day. He picked the kitten up despite better judgement, having sympathy for the tiny creature, and, despite the biting and scratching that his poor arms sustained, brought the kitten to Buccellati. They gave the kitten a little bit of food, and when they left it alone in a room for five minutes while they tried to figure out what to do about it, they came back in to find a scruffy boy halfway fallen off a chair, and no kitten to be seen. The rest of Narancia's backstory proceeds as normal, except that Fugo goes fucking ballistic at him because he, a creature with complex cognitive function, fucking bit him!!! Voluntarily!!! That's so fucked up!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!

Giorno stole his gender and that's why he's canon lesbian of the day

Likes... being pet on the head... but will punch you in the jaw if you try. Unless he wants you to do it. he's very fickle...

Has a nasty case of undiagnosed ADHD and/or something else, probably made slightly worse by the fact he's inhuman and thus already has some pretty odd tendencies. Struggles to sit still, hyperfixates yet struggles to focus (particularly in an academic environment), has some sensory issues and has a severe need to be stimming in 90% of his waking moments. His favourite style of stimming seems to be spinning things, including pocket knives, pens, and Aerosmith's propellers. The way he spins pens shows a very very impressive dexterity.

Seems to always have about 12 pocket knives on his person at any one given time. You take one knife away from him and he pulls another out of his fucking shoe and shanks you in the gut. Allegedly has 3 knives under his pillow, as he warned Limbo.

Incredibly expressive. His lack of a definite form allows his body (especially his ears, in his protomorph) to reflect his expression or mood to a much greater extent than a human's could. In the case of his ears, it's very much like cat body language.

The ORIGINAL catboy. Step aside, True Catboy Ghiaccio and Semantic Catboy Tiziano! I don't care that hes not a cat!!! shut the fuck up!!!!!

he does hiss at people

#monster au profile #monster au #jjba monster au #amby draws #my art #jjba au #jojo au #jjba #golden wind #vento aureo #jjba fanart #jojo fanart #jojos bizarre adventure #jojo's bizarre adventure #Narancia #Narancia Ghirga #Trish Una #Pannacotta Fugo #Guido Mista #Bruno Buccellati #Bruno Bucciarati #Limbo Adkins #Limbancia #jjba oc #jojo oc

[rxtchetprime]

i want ratchet and june to interact more. so i wrote some stuff down.

i want june to introduce human biology and medicine to ratchet. i want to see them compare notes of the medical and biological differences and similarities of humans and cybertronians.

ratchet asking about the history of medicine and june recounting how medicine used to be things like leeches and soda but are now actual thought out formulas for certain illnesses. june teaches ratchet about otc medicines like ibuprofen and tylenol. she goes into detail the biology of humans and ratchet will point out things here and there that are similar to their biology.

after a while of learning about humans, ratchet will keep a few first aid kits for them around. he sets up a small corner of the medbay for the humans aswell. if one of the children or even fowler gets injured and june isnt around, he'll activate his holoform and tend to their wounds to the best of his ability until june can get there as soon as she can.

the nurse is usually left impressed by the level of care shown in how ratchet dresses bandages, tucks in the paitent, and pays attention to monitor the persons vitals. shes proud of him, and also impressed at how quickly that he picked up on the vast differences of taking care of their species.

if jack offhandedly complains about a headache, ratchet will hand him a bottle of tylenol and a glass of water, he'll gently carry the teen to the couch that is set up in the base and advise him to rest. if miko comes in and looks like death warmed over, he'll hand her a heating pad and a small sweet treat to cheer her up. and if raf comes in feeling sick from a common cold, he'll make the boy a bowl of soup and allow raf to sleep in the crook of his neck. fowler getting injured in an altercation with a decepticon, ratchet patches him up and lets him rest in the medbay.

the other bots notice ratchet's new interest in human health and wellbeing, and how gentle he is with them. but they just smile and carry on, ratchet is a medic, its in his nature to learn about how to help others.

but also, give me june being interested in cybertronian biology. let ratchet teach her basics of first aid for bots. ratchet describes certain things like "pain that comes and goes in a bot's joints" and june tells him that humans call it chronic pain. "a pulsing pain in a bots helm" "thats a headache, ratch."

since the bots are just, metal, that means that their type of wounds dont need a long time to heal, they just weld themselves together. ratchet uses his holoform to teach june how to properly weld together injuries so that if he is unavalible, june can take care of it until ratchet is back.

since those lessons, june keeps a leather apron and a welding helmet around at base.

arcee coming back with a gash in her side, june has her sit on the floor so she can reach and gently tends to her wound. she advices her to get some energon in her systems and rest for a little bit. bulkhead with a few scratches here and there that hes complaining about stinging, june can buff them out. one of bee's doorwings is cracked and hurting, this is beyond her, she sits with him and comforts him until ratchet can get back to tend to them. optimus stalking out of recharge at an unholy hour looking uncomfortable and moving stiff, june lets him sit with her as he fans his plating out to relieve some of the pain in his joints.

the kids notice that ratchet and june have gotten closer lately, but they both need someone to confide in. let them have their bitchy medic talks, let them compare notes. theyre happy and theyre learning :)

#tfp #transformers prime #macaddam #tfp ratchet #june darby #orion mumbles #tf headcanons

[thejakeslayla]

After a long break after the breakup, we meet Sunghoon at the market. he still love us. We love him too, but it is impossible for us to get back together anymore because our relationship is hurting us.

pairing exbf!sunghoon x gn!reader ୨୧ genre angst, breakup, both sides hurting, hurt no comfort, sad ending ୨୧

the bustling market was alive with the vibrant colours of fresh produce, the melodic calls of vendors, and the rhythmic hum of daily life. it had been months since the breakup, and the wounds were still healing. as you strolled through the market, surrounded by the aroma of spices and the laughter of shoppers, you never expected to run into sunghoon.

sunghoon—your ex-boyfriend, the one who first introduced you to the beauty of love. too bad, that sometimes people don’t have time to continue on with their relationship. after few months of dating, you noticed that sunghoon barely spent time with you, always leaving your messages on ‘read’, ignoring your requests to hang out or go on a date.

you understood that his job required him to be present almost 24/7, but if other members of his group had time for friends, personal activities that had nothing to do with their job, why sunghoon couldn’t find even an hour of his time to spend it with you?

confrontation wasn’t easy, since it was hard to even talk to him. one day he found time for facetime and you felt awful to have this conversation over phone, but your friends reassured you that it wasn’t your fault.

“sunghoon, can you please go to your room? i want to talk about something personal,” you asked, noticing that your (then) boyfriend was sitting in his dorm’s kitchen while other members of group were talking in distance.

“sure, snowflake. give me a second,” his smooth, angelic voice – a momentary solace for your recent emotional wounds, surfacing as you came to the realisation that this relationship was on it’s finishing line.

a little bit of sounds of rustling and seeing only sunghoon’s forehead later, you saw him setting his phone on desk, finally in his room. “go on,” he said and maybe you were happy that he couldn’t see you in real life, as tears formed in your eyes. you blinked them away.

“sunghoon,” you started, raising suspicion in him, as you used his full name again and not a pet name. “i think we need to end this,” the words barely left your lips, as your heart started physically hurt.

“oh,” was the only thing he was able to say. it stung – the fact that his initial reaction wasn't to question why or argue that he could improve and fix this relationship. “okay.”

the more he spoke, the more it pained. which was quite ironic, because he hadn't spoken much.

“okay,” you repeated, not really knowing what to say. you just wanted to hang up on him, throw your phone away and cry while curling in ball on your bed.

"i'm going to hang up now," he stated, his gaze shifting away from the phone. a shaky exhale escaped his lips as he redirected his attention to the screen. "thank you, y/n. i appreciate everything," were his final words before he finally ended the call.

and now there he was, standing near a fruit stall, his eyes meeting yours with a mixture of surprise and nostalgia. time seemed to freeze for a moment, and the air was charged with unspoken emotions. after a long break from each other, the universe had decided to weave your paths together once more.

sunghoon's gaze lingered on you, and as you approached, the awkward silence was broken by a hesitant smile. the years of knowing each other and the couple months of being together flooded back, the memories playing like a bittersweet symphony in your mind. despite the pain of the past, there was a flicker of warmth in sunghoon's eyes, a silent confession that some feelings don't easily fade away.

"i didn't expect to see you here," sunghoon said, breaking the silence. his voice carried a mix of emotions, which you couldn’t distinguish.

caught off guard, you managed a polite smile. "it's been a while," you replied, a subtle acknowledgement of the time that had passed since your lives took separate paths.

in the midst of the market's vibrant chaos, you couldn't escape the heaviness of the unspoken words. eventually, sunghoon mustered the courage to broach the subject that lingered in the air.

"i still care about you," he confessed, his eyes revealing a vulnerability that mirrored your own.

you nodded, appreciating the honesty but wary of the emotional terrain. the scars of the past were still fresh, and reopening old wounds seemed full of dangerous risks.

"i care about you too," you admitted, the admission hanging in the air like a delicate secret.

the truth, however, was that the love you shared was entangled with pain. the relationship had become a source of hurt, and despite the residual affection, the practical realities of your situation couldn't be ignored. the path back to each other was blocked by the thorns of past mistakes and heartache.

a heavy sigh escaped sunghoon's lips, as if he, too, understood the complication of the moment. the market, once a backdrop for shared dreams and shared meals, now witnessed the sobering reality of two people who had grown apart.

"we can't go back, can we?" sunghoon whispered, a hint of resignation in his voice.

the unspoken truth lingered in the atmosphere, silently acknowledged. the love was there, but so was the pain. as you parted ways in the market, the realisation settled: some relationships are meant to be cherished in memories rather than resurrected in the present.

requests: open © 2023 — all rights reserved to user thejakeslayla, please do not steal, plagiarise or translate any of my work !

#thejakeslayla #enhypen drabbles #enhypen x reader #enhypen angst #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enha x reader #enhypen x you #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon x you #sunghoon x y/n #sunghoon drabbles #sunghoon angst

[its-jaytothemee]

Until I Met You - Chapter 5

Chapter 5: The Cure

Pairings: Halsin x Tav

Word count: 4,915

Rating: Currently M, will be Explicit in later chapters.

Read on AO3

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Summary: The party decides what path they want to take to rid themselves of the tadpole. Introducing Withers too because I might have forgotten him earlier...... Part 5 of the slow burn fic. Halsin and Tav POVs

Tags: Slow burn, hurt/comfort, fluff, love confessions, eventual smut, light angst, implied past rape/non-con, graphic description of injuries.

A/N: The tadfools learn about the share bear. I struggled with this chapter at first, but now I'm kinda in love with how it ends.

Someone take these idiots away from me...I can't stop writing about them.

With her wounds healed, Tav could easily change back into her normal casual outfit. It took multiple passes with a comb, but she was finally able to tame her long hair back into a sleek braid. She grabbed Clive and the shirt Wyll had given her before she joined the rest of the group. When she arrived, there was already a heated argument in process.

“Our priority should be purification. We cannot afford further distractions and detours.” Lae’zel’s gruff voice cut through the air.

“Our priority should be finding the cult and ridding Faerûn of this evil for good.” Wyll countered.

“The Creche will have the means of ridding us of this tadpole. Even if we defeat this Absolute, there’s no guarantee that we will be cured.” Lae’zel had been insisting they find the Creche from the moment they met.

“And the cult has my father!” Wyll yelled back.

“You guys want to fill me in on what you found today?” Tav walked up into the center of their small camp.

All their heads turned to face her, they looked flustered and exhausted.

“Nice to see you back on your feet.” Wyll smiled lightly. She tossed the shirt she had been wearing to him.

“So…what did I miss?” Tav asked.

Everyone immediately started talking over one another, trying to explain their version of the events of the day. Out of all the yelling, she was able to piece together that a Duke from Baldur’s Gate had been captured, they killed an entire enclave of Zhentarim, and they had potentially found the location of the Creche that Lae’zel had been searching for after taking out a githyanki patrol. The recap of their activities quickly devolved into fighting about their next steps. Tav pinched the bridge of her nose trying to ward off the headache that was already forming.

“Everybody shut up!” Tav shouted to be heard over everyone. Her sudden outburst seemed to at least startle everyone into giving her their attention. “If you want to sit here and fight like children, I’ll treat you like children. Here…” Tav held Clive up for everyone to see.

“New rule – unless you’re holding Clive, you don’t get to talk.” She received plenty of glares and pursed lips, but they did remain quiet. Halsin was off to the side, fighting to hide a smile.

“I do not understand this ritual. Is this customary for your planning of battle strategies?” Lae’zel asked, obviously confused.

“It is now.” Tav decided.

Wyll held up his hand, and she tossed the stuffed bear to him.

“The path forward is clear. We must head to Moonrise towers and chase after this Absolute. Not only is there a chance we can be cured, but we can strike at the heart of the cult and rescue my father.” So, the Duke who was taken was Wyll’s father, interesting. Lae’zel snatched Clive out of Wyll’s hands.

“Our path should lead to purification. Moonrise Towers does not offer a certain cure for our affliction, the Creche does. We cannot help anyone if we turn into mind flayers ourselves.” Lae’zel countered. Tav was surprised to hear her say ‘we’ in her statement, does that mean she would want to chase down the cult even if they were cured?

Shadowheart was the next to request the bear, Lae’zel begrudgingly handed him over.

“With all due respect Lae’zel, what assurance do we have that this purification would be extended to us as well? We are not githyanki.” An understandable question. One that Tav had wondered about since Lae’zel mentioned the Creche. Shadowheart handed Clive back to Lae’zel.

“This is a very inefficient form of communication.” Lae’zel grumbled. “You will be granted purification for aiding me. It is Vlaakith’s will that her faithful be purified. I can plead your case to the Ghustil, you have proven worthy in battle against these abominations and they will not want to waste your skills.” She made a convincing argument, but Tav wasn’t sure how much they could trust the hospitality of a githyanki creche. Lae’zel had proven to be a valuable ally, but her people were not known for their generosity.

Karlach held her arms out and Lae’zel flung Clive over to her. She hugged the bear close to her chest as they all looked at her expectantly.

“What?” She looked up at all of them.

“You requested the stuffed creature. It is your turn to talk if I am not mistaken.” Lae’zel said, taking this process very seriously.

“Oh, I don’t have anything to add. I just wanted Clive back.” She tucked him under her arm, apparently not wanting to share any longer.

I’m surrounded by toddlers.

“Look…” Tav started, looking between all her companions. “Whatever we do next, we have to do it together. We don’t stand a chance if we split up or fight each other the entire way. The Underdark has already proven perilous. I will not force us to continue on down here if we cannot agree to do so.” She spared a look at Halsin, who averted his gaze towards the ground.

“We set out together to find a cure for the tadpoles. If Lae’zel can give us her word that the Creche will remove them I’m not opposed to following that lead. But we must have a majority in favor of doing so.”

They all exchanged uncertain glances, each person scared to cast the first vote.

“I vote that we take the Mountain Pass and search for this Creche. I have enough unwanted guests lurking in my body.” Gale was the first to speak up.

Lae’zel and Karlach quickly agreed with him.                                                                                                                                       

“I still think we should continue searching for the path to Moonrise. We have a duty to the people of Faerûn to purge this cult.” Wyll held his ground.

“I’m inclined to agree with Wyll.” Halsin spoke up.

“Ah yes, let’s listen to the one person here not hosting a wriggly little parasite.” Astarion snipped. Tav shot him a glare.

“He’s agreed to travel with us, Astarion. He gets a say too.” She said.

“Ugh, fine. I agree with Wyll as well. I think we have a better chance of infiltrating Moonrise if we can pose as one of their own.” He conceded.

“I want this tadpole out of my head. I have a mission of my own to complete. As much as it pains me to admit, I think Lae’zel may be right.” Shadowheart finally chimed in.

Tav would be the deciding vote. She had no idea what to do if they were evenly split. All eyes were on her, waiting for her choice to be made.

“Then it sounds like we should head to the Mountain Pass.” She decided. There were a few grumbles, but otherwise everyone simply split up to go pack up their things. Tav was about to walk away as well when a strange voice called out to her.

“Ah, thou art moving again? I had much difficulty in finding you.”

Every member of the camp whipped around at the sound, weapons drawn.

“There is no need for such measures.” The strange undead figure waved his hand nonchalantly.

“Wait…we’ve met before.” Tav slowly lowered the rock she had picked up to throw.

“And now we meet again, as predicted. I shall remain in thy camp, for whenever thou hast need of my services.” The skeletal figure, who she now remembered was introduced as Withers, said this as a statement rather than a request.

“Just when I think our little adventuring party can’t get any more bizarre.” Gale muttered.

The rest of the party seemed content to let her deal with their new visitor. Even Lunari didn’t seem concerned by him. She sat next to Tav, tail wagging lazily.

“And what services are those?” Tav stepped closer to him.

Withers launched into a long-winded explanation of his strange talents. His ability to call souls forth from the dead, allowing them to fight at their side, for a price. The low, deliberate sound of his voice started to make Tav a little tired. Blinking her eyes rapidly to stay awake, she tried to give him her full attention.

“Should thou or any of thy compatriots perish, I will cleave soul to body once more.” Useful. He seemed to be finished talking now.

“Not to be rude, but what are you?” Tav couldn’t help but ask.

“There are many answers to that question. None are important.” His tone was still calm.

“Okay, then.” The past week had been such a rush of strange revelations, why not add an undead necromancer to their camp? Withers walked away from her without another word.

“It seems your little group is growing each day.” Halsin had come to stand next to her.

“At this rate we should have an army to rival the cult’s by the time we do reach Moonrise.” She turned to smile at him, but his expression seemed sad.

“Will you still come with us to the Creche?” She asked, suddenly anxious.

“Of course. I promised you my aid and counsel, and you shall have it.” He smiled, but it looked forced.

“I’m sorry that we aren’t heading directly to Moonrise Towers. It seemed important to you that we make it there soon.” She was trying to judge his reaction and intentions.

“Do not apologize, my friend. You made a swift decision after taking careful considerations from your companions. I could scarcely ask more of a leader in your position.” Regardless of his personal feelings, Halsin seemed supportive enough of her decision.

“In fact, I should thank you. I shall have to remember that little trick with the stuffed bear for the future.” His smile shifted, becoming genuine.

“What can I say? I’m an inspiration to all.” She winked and clicked her tongue before heading off to find her things, ready to pack up and move their camp again.

***

Halsin walked towards the back of the group as they marched their way across the wilderness, enjoying the feeling of the sun on his skin again. He took the time to observe his new travelling party some more. Even after the argument this morning, everyone seemed in high enough spirits. Perhaps it was the newfound hope that they could be rid of their tadpoles sooner than they thought. As he kept pace with the adventurers, his gaze kept wandering back to Tav. He watched as she laughed along with Karlach and Gale, the three of them practically skipping along the trail together. Her new armor suited her well, it looked to be drow craft armor of some kind. The others had brought it back for her this morning after they cut her last set to pieces. Lost in his thoughts about Tav that were growing increasingly indelicate, he failed to notice that Astarion had snuck up to his side.

“Enjoying the view, druid?” He always seemed to have a sultry undertone to his voice.

“Of course, I’d be a poor druid indeed if I couldn’t enjoy a long walk on such a lovely day as this.” He smiled at the pale elf, his bouncy white curls blowing softly in the breeze. Astarion giggled softly in response.

“Oh Halsin, I’m not talking about that view.” His eyes followed Halsin’s gaze back to Tav. “Don’t get me wrong, I love your disastrous flirting with one another. I’d just hate if you did anything to lead her on though, she’s such a kind and trusting soul.” He examined his fingernails, picking at imaginary dirt there. Halsin felt a slight blush spreading across his cheeks.

“Believe me, Astarion, I have no such intentions of toying with her. Can you say the same?” He thought back to all their flirty quips.

“Ha, you’re good. Believe me when I say all our banter is perfectly harmless. Beautiful people like us can’t help but be delightful and charming together. Well, speaking for myself at least.” He patted Halsin on the arm and pranced up to Tav’s side.

He leaned into her a bit and said something in her ear that Halsin couldn’t quite make out. Whatever it was though, it caused Tav to throw her hips into his – knocking him into a nearby bush. She and Karlach doubled over laughing as she helped him back up out of the thicket, a pout now clouding his face. Their other companions stopped to see the cause of the noise causing them to laugh as well. He was unable to hide a smile at the interaction, amazed at the happiness exuding from a group of people who constantly stood on the precipice of a horrifying death.

They came across a small collection of buildings, which he believed was Waukeen’s Rest. But it was burnt almost completely to the ground. This must have been where Duke Ravengard was captured. A short walk away from Waukeen’s Rest, they found another scorched sight. Burned bodies and a collapsed bridge told him that this is where their friends had found the githyanki dragon rider.

By the time sunset had come, they were making their way towards a beautiful cliffside. The warm dusk light danced on layers of rock and trees, an incredible display of nature’s gifts. To think this was so close to him all these years, and he had never seen it.

“Now that’s not a bad view for the evening, eh soldier?” Karlach yelled at Tav.

“Seems as good a place as any to rest up. We’ll head for the Creche first thing in the morning.” Tav announced, setting her pack on the ground.

They all worked together to set up tents and build a camp. There were plenty of logs and large rocks that they could roll over to sit around the fire. Lae’zel had found a map on one of the githyanki soldiers they had fought earlier in the day, and they had determined that the Creche had likely taken up in the nearby abandoned monastery. The strange undead, Withers, had appeared once they settled in camp again.

Tonight, Halsin was able to actually share a campfire with everyone. Their first night together, he was still recovering from his time with the goblins and his decision to resign his position as Archdruid. Last night, he opted to stay with Tav, making sure she recovered from her injuries. Just as it was during the day, the mood of his new companions seemed to stay joyful. He had been surprised to find out that they had known each other for such a short time. Sitting here with them tonight he would have guessed they were old friends.

I suppose being in their predicament would speed up their friendships a bit.

One by one, everyone retired for the night eventually leaving him alone by the fire. It was hard to explain to them that he was content without a tent, even though they kept insisting that they could find more materials for one. They were kind to offer of course, but for the first time in decades, he was able to freely enjoy all that nature had to offer. Resting by a fire in the open air was his ideal night. The cool evening air helped to focus his mind after the events of the past few days, allowing him to drift easily into his nightly meditation.

When he opened his eyes a few hours later, he was surprised to see that he wasn’t alone. Tav had wandered back out to the fire.

“Hopefully I didn’t disturb you.” She said quietly, adding a few sticks to the dying fire.

“Not at all. How long have you been up?” He sat up a little straighter, stretching his arms out.

“Just a few minutes. I’m not used to having someone else up at this time in the morning. Even Astarion stays hidden away in his tent until the sun is up.” She smiled lightly, the growing flames casting playful shadows across her face.

“The curse of most elves, I suppose.” He continued stretching, shaking off the past few hours of rest.

They sat and watched the flames in silence for a while. Tav had leaned back against one of the logs, staring at the stars that still dotted the sky.

“So, you’ve had a couple of nights with our group.” She started, still stargazing. “How are you faring out here at our little camp?”

“With such stimulating company?” He chuckled to himself. “Never better.”

“I suppose stimulating is one word for it.” She laughed quietly.

“Truly, I’m just glad to be out here amidst the Oak Father’s creations.” He breathed in the scent of his surroundings, leaning his head back to look up at the stars as well.

“I never got a chance to ask you once you joined us…” She trailed off. “How will the grove fare without you? You said your absence had a greater impact than you had expected.”

“Hopefully. I chose a replacement and sent word to her in the High Forest before I left the grove. A wise druid named Francesca.” He tensed slightly, suddenly worried what Tav would think of him for this decision. Why did he care so much about what she thought? She had no knowledge of the needs of the grove outside of what little she saw before coming to his rescue.

“Who?” She asked, leaning up slightly to look at him.

“Exactly…the grove needs to move on from the mistakes of the past.” He turned his head slightly towards her. “Having a fresh set of eyes can help accomplish that. Or so I hope.”

“Very shrewd of you.” She grabbed another nearby stick and lazily poked at the fire with it.

“Contrary to popular belief, we druids can play politics when necessary.” He smiled as he leaned back to look at the night sky again.

“So, is Francesca a temporary replacement? Will you return to the grove once we’ve cured these tadpoles and saved the world?”

It was a question that had plagued his mind since he joined her. Given the harsh division that occurred under his leadership, he wasn’t sure it would be wise for him to return. Even if he was no longer Archdruid.

“I…I’m not sure.” He said quietly, not wanting to look her in the eyes. “I can’t help but feel that I failed them. To return after leaving them twice would seem a disservice to the druids there.”

Tav didn’t say anything in response, she just continued lightly prodding at the fire. He went to sit up, but his hair had gotten caught on a chunk of bark on the log behind him.

“Ow!” He hissed as his head was pulled back down by the force of it. His hands fumbled in the dark, trying to find the grooves holding him in place. Tav snickered a little and walked over to release him. Her fingers made quick work of the tangle, freeing him from the log’s grasp.

“Thank you.” He said as he reached up to fix the piece of hair that had been pulled free. The tie he had holding half of his hair had gotten twisted into a knot from the snag. Once again, his hands fumbled behind him, trying to relieve the pulling on his scalp from the tangled mess.

“Here, let me.” She laughed again as she moved to sit behind him. Carefully, she pulled pieces of his hair free from the small tie. Her fingers ran through his hair each time she pulled a new piece free, loosening any remaining snags in the strands and sending shivers down his neck. Each time her fingers would brush against his scalp, he would relax just a little more. Eventually he realized that he had leaned back against her legs.

“Could I ask you something?” He asked quietly, watching the flames dance in front of him.

“Is the question ‘can I borrow your comb?’ Because the answer is yes. I mean gods above, Halsin when was the last time you brushed this? There are actual leaves stuck in your hair my friend.” She laughed as she continued to pull small chunks of hair free from the knot on the back of his head. To prove her point, she dropped the leaves she found over his shoulder and into his lap.

“Ah yes, what was I thinking? I should have asked my goblin captors if they would provide that for me during my visit.” He teased back, causing her to laugh more. “As for the leaves, I happen to think they add another layer of authenticity to my druidic charm.” What he wouldn’t do to keep hearing that laugh.

“But no, I had something different in mind.”

“Go ahead.” She said as she smoothed another few strands on his head.

“Who is Tev?” It was a name that Halsin had heard her mutter over and over while she was unconscious.

Tav froze, her hands still tangled in his hair.

“Where did you hear that name?” She asked quietly.

“You said it a lot while you slept yesterday.” He explained.

“Tev’aron...my older brother.” Her voice was quiet.

“I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about him.” Halsin suddenly felt guilty for prying.

“It’s okay. He uh…he’s been gone for quite a while.” She resumed her work on his hair.

“What happened?” As he asked the question, he realized he already knew the answer from their past conversations.

“The shadow curse. I was there that day too, Halsin.” She whispered.

Hearing her mention it again brought his own grief bubbling to the surface, threatening to boil over. Faces of those he fought with all those years ago flashed before him. From what she had said before, he had gathered that she had at least experienced the curse. It didn't occur to him that she could have been there, fighting as an ally. His mind wandered momentarily, wondering if they had somehow crossed paths before.

“I am so sorry. I know all too well what it’s like to lose those you love to that wretched curse.” He looked down at his hands in his lap.

“It’s not something one soon forgets.”

Her voice had grown distant. He slowly turned to face her, half of his hair still knotted in an impossible pile on his head. The pull in his chest returned, he wanted so badly to tell her of his plan, to let her know there was still a chance to make things right. She gave him a puzzled look, waiting for him to say something.

Careful, Halsin. You still don’t know if that is possible. Do not give her false hope…

Astarion’s earlier words rang in his ears. He truly didn’t have any intention of toying with her emotions. It had just been so long since he had someone who understood the horror that was unleashed that day.

“I’m sorry, Tav. I didn’t mean to dampen your spirits.” He turned back around to let her continue working on his hair.

“Don’t apologize. It’s…nice to have someone else who understands.” She sighed. That was a sentiment he understood well.

“So, what will you do if you are able to seek a cure at the Creche in the morning?” Halsin tried to change the subject.

“What do you mean?” She ran her fingers through his hair again, his eyelids fluttered slightly at the touch.

“Will you all go your separate ways?”

“Huh. I suppose I hadn’t thought that far ahead.” She paused for a moment. “I can’t speak for everyone else, but even if we are able to get a cure tomorrow, I’m not sure that I can just turn my back on what we’ve learned.”

“Oh?” Halsin asked, his heart skipped a beat.

“I mean, it’s like Wyll said. We have a responsibility to help if we can, don’t we?” She was able to work a large chunk of hair out of the tangled mess, it fell over his eyes. “If you’d like, I could still accompany you to Moonrise. It wouldn’t seem right to abandon you after you left your life at the grove to help us. I’m sure at least a couple of the others will want to see this through as well.”

The combination of her words and gentle touches brought tears to his eyes. For years, the thought of facing the shadow curse alone had been a daunting and a near impossible goal. But now, the thought of Tav joining him filled him with hope.

“I’d be honored to have you.” He said before quickly adding, “Happy to have you with me, I mean.”

She giggled as she pulled the tie that had been holding his hair free.

“Here, this is broken. Give me just a moment and I’ll be back.” She handed the mangled string to him and patted his head before getting up to walk away.

Despite the fire burning in front of him, he suddenly felt cold after she left. He could feel phantom touches of her fingertips smoothing his hair down his head and neck. Not a minute later he heard her soft footsteps bringing her back to join him.

She sat back down, and he felt a comb run across his scalp. The feeling was soothing, something he couldn’t remember anyone ever doing for him. At least not since he was a child.

“I can take it from here, if you’d like.” He immediately regretted the words as soon as he said them. Truth be told, he could sit here with her hands in his hair for hours.

“Oh, of course. Sorry…force of habit.” Tav handed the comb to him over his shoulder, sounding uncomfortable. He was sure that her face was turning a deep red. She started to move out from behind him.

Damn it.

“I only meant I don’t want you to feel obligated.” The words rushed out of his mouth. “I don’t mind it at all, it’s…comforting. Especially after the week I’ve had. Plus, you’ve made short work of those knots so far…” He was starting to ramble. His heart was pounding in his chest, worried that he’d upset her.

She sat still for a moment; he couldn’t see her face to judge her reaction. He looked down, slightly embarrassed. Her hand appeared next to his head, open and waiting for him to hand her the comb. Releasing his held breath, he handed it back to her.

They sat there the rest of the time in silence. Tav quietly and carefully working the comb through the tangled web on his head. Elves don’t often sleep, but he really thought at one point he could have entered a deep slumber from how relaxed he felt under her touch. Halsin felt as an eternity had passed and yet he felt he could take another eternity more when she finally spoke again.

“Okay.” She said quietly. “All done, I think.” Her fingers ran through his hair one last time, checking for any straggling knots.

“Thank you.” He kept his voice as quiet as hers, already missing her touch.

He opened his eyes to see Tav moving back down to the ground, her hand held out next to him. Without thinking, he grabbed her hand and held it for a moment. She gave him a puzzled look and he could now feel that she had a small tie in the palm of her hand she had been offering him.

He immediately dropped her hand and felt all the blood in his body rush to his face and chest. Tav burst out laughing, covering her face to muffle the sound. The sky was just now starting to lighten, and the others in camp probably wouldn’t be awake for a couple more hours. Halsin buried his head into his hands, trying to hide the wave of embarrassment washing over him. His freshly combed hair hung down helping to cover his blushing cheeks.

“Halsin, it’s okay.” She was still laughing a little bit. “At least now we’re even.”

He thought back to when they first met a few days ago and she had done the same thing with the small flute they had used to resurrect Gale. He peeked out between the strands of hair covering his face to see her smiling fondly at him. She looked away quickly when she met his gaze.

“I uh…I think I’ll go get us some more wood for the fire. I’m sure everyone will want to eat before you head out.” He stood up slowly, his legs now feeling a little wobbly after being so relaxed. She held the small tie for his hair up in her fingers, which he gladly accepted.

“No matter what happens at the Creche, we’ll make our way back to Moonrise, Halsin.” She assured him with a smile.

He nodded his thanks and pushed the hair from his eyes as he made his way into the tree line. His heart was still racing from their time together, he couldn’t stop thinking about the feeling of her fingers running through his hair. It had been so long since someone had taken care of him in any way, let alone something as gentle as this. He took a few deep breaths, reminding himself that they still had a long way to go until Moonrise Towers. There was still much for him to do to prepare. Despite his years of waiting though, his mind lingered on Tav, already trying to figure out how he could steal more moments like this in the future.

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #bg3 halsin #halsin x tav #halsin fanfic #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 fluff #bg3 fic

[yukirayu]

Taku and Madarame: To Heal and To Hurt

Before we get to anything, please know that I am not reading anyone for filth here. Everything I wrote for this meta is based on what the visual novel showed us and what I have observed from the visual novel, but it’s still difficult to talk about anything involving a certain character without it sounding like I’m bashing them.

Now, to start, I want to show you all this fanart (source here), which I find fascinating.

(Note: I highly recommend that you check out the rest of this artist’s work. Plenty of great TakuTowa fanart for all lovers of the pairing.)

I am promoting the fanart above because it effectively shows how Taku and Madarame are effective foils of each other. I already made a similar post before about Taku also serving as a good foil to another character (Sakaki). This post is going to be like that one, but this one is explained in greater detail; though both posts have the same goal: to compare and contrast. 

Of course, be warned of the following: 

Before you read any further, there will be spoilers, and I mean plenty of them, so I advise you not to read this if you haven’t completed the visual novel and want to complete it whilst blind. 

What you will see under the “Read More” will be long, and I mean really long and possibly incomprehensible with all my rambling, so brace yourselves. 

Every narration from the game is rephrased so that it reads in third-person, which is how it’s supposed to read in the original version. This is done to help with maintaining objectivity as I explain and point out things.

If you want to read this in a different platform, the meta is also available for reading on Google docs. 

How Long They’ve Known Towa

To start with something simple: out of Towa’s four love interests, Taku and Madarame are the only ones who personally knew Towa for a long time. Sure, Rei may technically count as well since he knew Towa since middle school, but he and Towa never interacted until they were already full-fledged adults. Towa didn’t even realize that he and Rei attended the same school until Rei pointed it out in his route.  

Taku knew Towa since he was a child, since he was assigned as Towa’s physician. As such, he was the one who would patch up Towa’s wounds or check on him when he falls ill (both of which are thanks to Maya’s “loving” care). After Maya’s death, although Taku is not legally assigned as Towa’s guardian, he still helped look after Towa for the longest time, which they both acknowledge. 

Towa and Madarame were also joined at the hip when Towa was in his teenage years and was still an active member of the Takasato-gumi. The two were basically friends with benefits, though the ‘friends’ part in the term is questionable. They often slept together because they gave each other the violence and pleasure the other wanted, and they often hung out (with Kaga) but that’s about it.  

In the common route, in what seems like a simple scene where people are having lunch at Yanagawa Café, we are already given an idea of what kind of relationship Towa has with both Taku and Madarame at present.

Relationship with Towa 

(as established by the beginning of the common route)

Taku is the very first love interest to show up. How is he introduced? Fussing over Towa and getting exasperated with him, while also subtly showing concern for him. They also occasionally hang out together outside work hours, which establishes that they’re on friendly terms. Even then, there’s the kind of distance between them where while they get along, they’re not so close that they share all their secrets. 

Towa would never know the real Taku, nor would Taku ever know the real Towa. Even though they had known each other for years, it didn’t mean they understood everything about each other. 

As for Madarame, as far as Towa knows, the man died years ago. If Madarame’s route isn’t taken, Towa will keep thinking that, especially since he no longer has any positive feelings for Madarame and would prefer to forget about him entirely. We don’t know why yet, since until after his route is unlocked, Madarame remains shrouded in mystery. Nevertheless, Towa’s disdain for him is made clear. 

As it happened, Towa knew the person they were gossiping about. A lot about him, in fact. […] But Towa would rather not remember him, and thus avoided thinking about his name or his face.

Conflict with Toono 

Until Fujieda’s route proved otherwise, the fact that Toono actively plays the role of the villain in both Taku and Madarame’s routes baited us all into thinking that he’s the only one who’s really out to give the cast trouble, and it’s not hard to see why. 

Taku owes Toono a great debt because it’s only due to the latter’s financial assistance (even though it was provided to Taku with an ulterior motive) that Taku was able to become a doctor. Even though he despises Toono and hates doing the jobs assigned to him by the Takasato-gumi because it goes against his morals, the fact that Toono aided him is something he cannot deny. Of course, Toono takes advantage of this, and even deliberately adds fuel to the fire by getting Towa involved when he notices that Taku is getting increasingly reluctant to make the drugs that Toono wants to distribute around Shinkoumi. This is what sets up the conflict and the main plot for Taku’s route. 

This aside, Toono is also the reason why Kaga died and why Towa lost his right eye, even though in the latter case, the bullet was meant for Madarame. Even then, Madarame still got wounded, yet the entire night was chaotic enough for the Takasato-gumi to give up on looking for his corpse and just claim that Madarame was dead. Madarame may deny that he’s out for revenge, but this is contradicted by him saying that “[Kaga] didn’t have to die.” This means that Madarame is out to settle the score with the syndicate, especially with Toono, and the climax of Madarame’s route even covers his blood debt finally being repaid. 

Another obvious point of comparison is how they deal with Toono. Both are given the opportunity to point a gun right at Toono and end him then and there. Both wouldn’t have hesitated to pull the trigger. Except that while Madarame - dead-set in his revenge - aims straight for the heart, Taku changes his aim at the last minute. Not because he hesitated, but because he - in his words - refuses to play by the other’s games and stoop down to man’s level for another second. 

This alone shows how Taku and Madarame are fundamentally different people. 

Personality (Indetermination vs. Certainty)

How different Taku and Madarame are is reflected in both how they’re introduced and what the player learns about them in full by the end of their respective routes. And in both cases, they’re always like yin and yang.

At the start of the game, Taku is established as someone who looks out for Towa’s well-being. While he’s exasperated with some of Towa’s tendencies (like being late for work and preferring to ingest nicotine and alcohol over actual food and water), he never tries to outright interfere…. unless you play his route, where his protectiveness starts to really rear its head, which puts him and Towa at odds with each other. 

As you progress further into Taku’s story, both you and Towa realize that Taku is far more fractured than he appears, and this can be traced to his mother’s death, something Taku has been beating himself up for to this very day. What doesn’t help as of late is his debt to Toono, which starts to actively threaten his day-to-day life; and it even gets Towa endangered due to the latter’s association with Taku. 

It’s then that as Towa tries to figure out what’s going on in Taku’s mind, he starts to realize the man’s greatest flaw. What is that? Taku always wavers, no matter the kind of decision and no matter who it involves, be it something about himself or about someone else. Because he always fears the worst-case scenario and is never sure whether he’s truly doing the right thing. More often than not, he’s not even certain of his own intentions. This has something to do with the guilt he harbors towards his mother’s demise. He fears that even if he does everything, it won’t be enough, and that holds him back. Even after he finally makes his resolve about his situation with Toono, he hasn’t completely gotten rid of his flaw in the drama CD, and Towa has to force him to make up his mind once and for all after confronting him about how he’s at it again. 

From what is heard of Madarame, almost everyone just talks about how freakishly strong he is or how he’s supposed to be dead. While we can only guess what kind of person he may be (at the time), those conversations alone are enough to tell us that he carries a very imposing presence. 

Once we finally see him, you realize that - besides the part where he supposedly died - everything else the others say about him aren’t an exaggeration. The man really is imposing, and his strength may as well be inhuman. He possesses an indomitable will and is the kind of person who will do what he wants to do, wherever and whenever he wants, and however he wants.

And remember the title of his chapter: Immutable. Never yielding, never changing– which is Madarame’s character in a nutshell. How can he be like this? Because Madarame doesn’t have any mental or emotional issues. There’s no deep-seated scar that Towa has to find, and this is reflected in the Interrogation since Madarame is the only one where the opposite approach has to be taken to get the good ending.  

Taku and Rei are able to grow and heal if the right choices are made, and while Fujieda never gets subjected to an Interrogation since he’s able to resolve his issues by himself, he undergoes a development nevertheless and still reflects on himself. But as Towa observes, Madarame has never changed since years ago, and even at the end of the route, he’s still the same person that we saw him as from the start. He had not changed, and he never will change; hence why immutability is rooted into his very being. 

Violence (Avoidance vs. Gratification) 

Taku is a doctor and he pursued such a profession because he wants to save lives, as compensation for the life he wanted to save most yet was ultimately unable to. Naturally, he regards both life and death with grave seriousness and never regards it in a flippant manner, which makes him worry often for Towa, who couldn’t care less what happens to him. 

On the other hand, Madarame may as well be violence incarnate—he lives and breathes to fight and carries a lust for blood. If he faces an obstacle, he’ll metaphorically and literally punch his way through said obstacle. And to him, life and death is nothing more than a game, a gamble, and he finds more fun in the challenge than in the outcome.  

Now as for how this affects their approach with Towa…

Taku never does much to protest Towa’s stints whenever the latter pursues his artistic hobbies, but it doesn’t mean he likes seeing Towa either hurting himself or getting himself hurt, and he does make his displeasure known every once in a while by commenting on Towa’s wounds. Towa even remembers one time from some years ago, when Taku was absolutely furious after seeing Towa at the brink of death when an encounter with a potential model went awry.

Not to mention, there’s the way Taku treats Towa during sex. No matter what, Taku refuses to give Towa the rough treatment. At most, he will kiss and caress Towa’s scars, but no more than that. He even tells Towa that he knows his masochism is no more than a means to castigate himself. As such, Taku refuses to indulge in that, because he wants Towa to know that he’s worthy of being loved and cherished in a healthy way and that he can still feel pleasure through gentle and affectionate touches.

On the other hand, Madarame wants Towa to embrace the violence inside him and to live for violence, whether Towa inflicts it or receives it. He doesn’t mind Towa’s masochism and even seeks to indulge in it and to even amplify it, if possible. Though one can only wonder if Madarame ever saw the connection between Towa’s penchant for self-harm and the trauma of his childhood, the latter of which he’s hinted to be aware of to some degree, especially since he noticed Towa’s disdain for complete silence.

It also goes without saying that Madarame is the love interest who engages in the roughest and most violent sex with Towa. When Towa was still kept in chains as the other’s captive, Madarame showed his special brand of affection by making Towa bruise and bleed, and even after they properly rekindle their relationship later on, they still enjoy roughing each other up as part of their foreplay.  

Unconditional Love vs. Conditional Love

Since he knows enough about what Towa’s childhood was really like, Taku also knows why Towa is the way he is. He knows why Towa indulges in self-destructive habits and why he’s almost completely apathetic to the motions of life. Taku doesn’t like it and the only reason he doesn’t protest too much is because he’s held back by the fear that he may end up accidentally giving away the truth, so he plays it safe by protesting on occasion but never actively trying to interfere (except when he’s certain that Towa may get himself killed).

Even then, in the event that he falls for Towa, all the negatives that he has observed from Towa doesn’t prevent him from having feelings for the other man. In spite of how flawed Towa is, Taku loves him all the same, especially since he understands why Towa is like that. Of course, he wants to help Towa heal (as much as he can at least) and grow out of his love for pain. But this aside, plus the fairly understandable request for Towa to stop sleeping with other men, Taku accepts Towa the way he is now and never asks Towa to conform to an image he has of him. This makes his love qualify more as an unconditional one. 

As unorthodox as it is, Madarame’s love for Towa is sincere nonetheless. After all, for the longest time, he thought Towa died the same night Kaga did, and it’s hinted that this did affect Madarame to a degree, especially when he took a close look at Towa’s missing eye. Part of the reason Madarame even came back to Shinkoumi was to reunite with Towa. Madarame may like to make sardonic statements, but it’s obvious when he’s being upfront about his thoughts and feelings without the usual barb. When he tells Towa that he’s all he needs and asks him to not leave again, he meant it. 

That being said, he’ll only reach out to Towa if he sees a chance that Towa can return to being the person Madarame last remembered him being. If Madarame thinks that Towa is, in his own words, “too far gone”, he won’t bother anymore and will leave Towa alone. This is why his love still counts as the conditional kind of love. He only loves the Towa that he once knew, but not the Towa that he sees now– which is ironic since Madarame is supposed to be a man who focuses only on the present, not the past.

Towa’s Visage

The only thing that really changes with Towa’s appearance in Rei and Fujieda’s good endings is his attire. On the other hand, in Taku and Madarame's good endings, Towa doesn’t undergo only a wardrobe switch; even the color of his hair changes as well.

Taku’s default appearance has his hair being mostly black in color, though the edges still have traces of the blonde dye that he would put on when he was still a teenager.

In Taku’s Euphoria ending, Towa grows out his hair such that it goes way past his shoulders. The blonde streaks are gone and his hair color is now a full raven black. This represents how his mental state has (even if not completely) gotten better, with his appearance being reminiscent of his younger and more innocent self. He even casts aside his black attire for a white shirt and a blue cardigan, which encapsulates how he’s become more at peace and put-together, and is now able to find contentment with the simple things. While he’s still the same person overall, he no longer seeks out violence nor does he want or need it just to feel something. 

Towa also grows out his hair in Madarame’s Euphoria ending, but here, his hair is now blonde once more. Besides that, he also wears a hoodie with a design that makes it obvious to anyone who sees him that he’s feisty and rebellious, there are also the bandages on his lower torso. This reflects how he has become his younger and hotblooded self once more, with his propensity for violence now more active than passive. But since he’s no longer bound to Shinkoumi and his memories in it, he has remodeled both his identity and his love for pain, and he has become someone who always seeks to feel excitement and the rush and thrill of a fight or a beating. 

Towa’s Past, and What They Know

Taku knows plenty of sordid details about Towa’s past, but just to be clear, he doesn’t know everything. He has no idea that Sakaki is complicit in Maya’s dastardly plans. Sure, he gets wary whenever Towa gets involved with the Takasato-gumi, but his suspicions are always focused on Toono, in particular. If he even had an inkling about Sakaki, a lot of things would have turned out differently.

If one pays attention to the dialogue in his route, Taku only found out the truth about what Maya was doing to Towa after the “accident” where Maya fell down the stairs. We don’t know how he found out, but it is important to remember that it’s only then that Taku discovered what Towa had actually gone through, and it’s exactly because Taku knows how horrifying Towa’s childhood was, that he does everything he can to keep it hidden from Towa. 

If he gets caught in the lie, the most he can do is keep Towa from finding out more. Where Fujieda holds the key that allows Towa to finally unlock the doors where his memories stay hidden and repressed, it’s Taku who tries to keep every other key away from notice and from reach. 

While he accuses Taku of being dishonest and secretive, Madarame is the pot calling the kettle black. As revealed in Fujieda’s route, Madarame also knows a lot about Towa’s past, and knows enough that he can even pinpoint to Towa where Euphoria was, so it’s safe to assume that he also knows what happened to Towa during his time in that wretched mansion. 

However, what’s interesting with Madarame is that in his own route, he doesn’t tell Towa what he knows; but in Fujieda’s route, he gives Towa a hint.

We already know why Taku opted to not tell Towa anything, On the other hand, we’re left to guess why Madarame changes his gears from saying nothing to dropping some clues. It’s at least obvious that he didn’t do it out of altruism, so that makes it highly likely that he either withdraws or reveals the truth only because he felt he had something to gain from it.

Now, this is just my speculation, but I think he did either with the same goal in mind: to distress Towa in such a way that it will drive a wedge between him and the others.  I’ll expound on this later on in another topic.

Taku and Madarame, Mei and Maya

Because I was apprehensive about saying or even analyzing any more about Madarame due to the thought that I might end up coming across as if I’m dragging him, it took until buzzin_buzzard’s tweet for me to fully acknowledge the similarities that could be found between Madarame and Maya, of all people. I summed it up in TV Tropes, but I’ll go into more detail for this meta. 

I made a meta from before where I briefly likened Taku to Mei, since they’re both the only figures from Towa’s childhood who showed him kindness and made him feel safe, even if only for a short while. The key difference between Taku and Mei was that Mei knew exactly what Towa was going through (since she was in a similar situation herself) whereas Taku had no idea what was happening at the time. Nevertheless, they were the only two people who were not out to harm Towa, because everyone else hurt him, whether it was intentional or whether it was because they were coerced into the act (i.e. Ikuina and Asakura). 

Both also helped throw a wrench in Maya’s plans. Mei told Towa that he had to get away from his mother. Their attempt to escape may have ultimately failed, but that event still left an impact on him because that small taste of freedom allowed him to realize what could be waiting for him beyond the opulent halls of the mansion, and especially because of what he would eventually find out with regards to what Maya did to Mei in retaliation. When Towa learned exactly why Mei died, he summoned the will to defy Maya for the very first (and only) time, and it led to what would eventually be Maya’s demise.

However, just because she died doesn’t mean she’s gone, not with her final order to Sakaki. Unfortunately for both the mastermind and the adjutant, the trauma of the incident stripped Towa of his memories, which waylays their plans. And Taku (unwittingly) makes sure it stays that way by never letting Towa remember his childhood and letting him live in ignorant bliss. Of course, it’s not all good; the damaging trauma of Towa’s childhood had already left his mark, resulting in his hedonistic and masochistic tendencies. Still, without the recollection of his childhood, Maya’s plan is left at an impasse, and it will stay that way in Taku, Rei and Madarame’s routes. 

Now, this is the part that I was afraid of talking about the most, but if you take a moment to think about it, Madarame and Maya mirror each other to some degree. Madarame is so physically strong that nothing and no one can beat him, but that’s why he gets bored so easily. Maya was a master manipulator and can control anyone she set her sights on, but deep down, she felt isolated and her psychopathy did nothing to sate her loneliness. 

This is where Towa/Haruto steps in.

As Madarame states outright in his route, he feels that only Towa can give him the exhilaration he wants yet can’t find with anything and anyone else, and that only Towa can understand his bloodlust and his love for pain. 

You are the only person in the world who I consider my match. You want what I want. You feel what I feel. With you, I'll never be bored. And you feel the same way, don’t you?

With Maya, there is the very fact that she wanted Towa to follow in her footsteps both literally and figuratively. One likely reason is that this is also her way of ensuring that her legacy will go on. Another possible explanation is that Maya believed if there was one other person who acts and thinks the way she did, life won’t be so forlorn anymore.  

In her last recorded message: I asked Sakaki to fulfill one last request for me. I asked him to help you find true happiness in my place, and to make sure that you’d become my successor.  

Madarame isn’t the most expressive kind of person, but it doesn’t automatically mean he’s as emotionally stunted as Maya was. He just has a very good rein on his emotions, and even if he’s very unconventional about it, his love for Towa (even if it’s only to a certain kind of Towa) is sincere. Maya - even if she could perfectly emulate both affection and tenderness - felt that she could never love, yet believed that she loved Towa as best (worst) as she could. Her brain is undoubtedly wired wrong (and really, really wrong), but her admission is also undoubtedly a genuine one. 

And they both express their love in the only way they knew how: violence. Madarame inflicts it directly by making Towa bruise and bleed whether it’s consensual, nonconsensual, or a bit of both, whereas Maya does it indirectly, letting her clients have their way with Towa, regardless of what they would do to her son. They both think that it’s because Towa/Haruto enjoys it and that it makes him look even more beautiful. Of course, we know that Towa finding arousal in the rough treatment that Madarame gives him reflects how he made himself love pain as a subconscious coping mechanism for all the torture he suffered at Maya’s hands.  In Fujieda’s words:

By accepting the trauma others would inflict on you, you desperately cling to the last shreds of your personal autonomy. Cutting yourself was a self-destructive impulse— a punishment for being worthless.

With this, there is the main reason why Taku and Madarame are bound to always be at odds with each other whenever Towa is involved. The reasons are, in essence, similar to the reasons which explain how Mei and Maya contrast each other, especially with regards to Towa. 

In Towa’s childhood, Mei was the light in Towa’s life, where Maya was the darkness. Mei was a symbol of purity, hope and innocence, and Maya was essentially corruption in human form, luring and poisoning everyone around her. Because of this, Maya saw Mei as a “toxic influence”  in Towa’s life and had her killed. This is hugely ironic since it’s obvious who the real toxic influence is, but anyhow…

Similarly, though it never escalates to murder (if only because Madarame is someone who prefers to beat up someone instead of killing them outright), Madarame still kidnapped Taku, held him hostage, and also threatened him. And if you remember, there is a brief moment in Madarame’s route where he questions why Towa feels the need to cover his eye with a patch, and one should keep in mind that it’s Taku who takes care of Towa’s injuries. This scene alone already sums up their opposing viewpoints to both Towa and to violence. In this case, it’s easy to put Taku in Mei’s position, and Madarame in Maya’s. 

This consequently shows the difference in how they’d react if - in a route where neither is the chosen love interest - Towa figures out his past with someone else’s assistance, and what kind of person he could become once he learned enough.

Reaction to Towa’s Growth (in Fujieda’s Route)

Madarame’s presence in Fujieda’s route is very brief, but a lot could be drawn from it nonetheless. Just like in his own route, he holds Taku hostage to draw out Towa. However, the circumstances and the venue are different from before. 

Instead of the back of the clinic, they now meet at the outskirts of the Deathmatch Area. Instead of being forced to meet with Madarame in private to ensure Taku’s safety, the entire gang has gathered, all wide awake and conscious with varying awareness of what’s going on. And instead of Madarame telling Towa that Taku is lying to him, Madarame points Towa to his mother’s mansion. 

This all culminates in Fujieda and Madarame exchanging blows, and right as the latter is about to land a crippling hit, Towa intervenes halfway to take a hit for Fujieda… which immediately ends the fight since Madarame loses interest then and there. 

Why? Let’s recall how the entire scene was narrated.

As Fujieda doubled over, Madarame began to launch another attack. 

“Madarame!” Towa rushed over and jumped in between them. 

Madarame’s fist grazed Towa’s head as the latter hit the ground, landing on his stomach.

Taku dashed over to Towa’s side. Meanwhile, Rei slowly pushed himself up while gritting his teeth in pain. Fujieda frowned at Towa, then turned his head and glared at Madarame. 

However, Madarame seemed to have lost all interest. His arms hung limply at his sides. His self-assured grin was gone, replaced by a pair of cold eyes that stared down at Towa.

“I never knew that you were such a drag.” (Note: Based on the context and the tone that was used, the original JP text of the line「･･････つまらないことをするな、お前」 could also translate to “I never thought you would do something so absurd,” since the word ‘tsumaranai’ can be used to describe something that’s either boring, trivial or foolish.)

Enduring the pain, Towa glared back up at Madarame as he continued kneeling on the ground.

Contrast this to Towa’s reaction in Madarame’s route after he gets confirmation that Taku is keeping secrets from him, just like Madarame warned. This lands the final nail in the coffin for Towa’s belief that he can never return to his old life, which leads him to do this:

Rei, “You’re heading towards the Deathmatch Area! You hate Deathmatches, right? So why are you going there? …To see Madarame?” 

Towa remained silent, causing Rei’s brow to furrow deeply. Towa glanced at them, then turned and started walking.

Rei, “Don’t do this, Towa! Why?! Why are you going to him? Don’t go!

Taku, “Towa!”

Towa could hear their anguished screams. But as he kept walking, their voices faded into the distance. Their desperation could no longer reach him.

Towa had realized who he truly was, and he was not the kind of person who belonged with them.

He belonged somewhere else. 

So back to our original question: why did Madarame suddenly lose interest in the fight? Why did he suddenly decide to not bother with Towa anymore? Because to him, seeing Towa rush in and defend someone else is a sign that Towa had changed too much for his own liking. Sure, Towa showed some spunk in that act, but it was not the kind of spunk he wanted.

Not only that, but the act also indicated that by that point, even the threat of learning more about his past won’t sever any bonds that Towa shares with the other three (Taku, Rei and Fujieda). In other words, Towa will continue to have attachments to his home, or at least some of the people in it. No chance of burning bridges for good and leaving with him. And so, Madarame exits the scene.

Madarame – much like a ghost – completely fades away from Towa’s life. After he’s informed by Kotarou about what the man is up to next after ambushing the Takasato-gumi, Towa doesn’t bother thinking about him for another second.

And now, let’s talk about Taku. For almost the entire first half of Fujieda��s route, Taku was obstructive and unhelpful because he also feared that Towa would change. But in his case, “change” means the possibility that Towa could never recover from learning the truth—which does happen and nearly ends in the worst-case scenario. Taku had nothing to gain from keeping anything, yet he was willing to risk earning Towa’s anger and resentment by staying silent even as Towa attacked him, chewed him out, and pressed him for answers.  And Towa has a very good reason to be pissed at Taku, even if you can see things from the older man’s point of view. 

However, it should be made clear that while Taku’s actions were questionable, they were never once done out of malice or selfishness, which is saying something compared to say, Sakaki. Towa even comes to understand this, which is shown in two instances. One is in this dialogue from when Taku and Rei got patched up after their scuffle with Madarame.

“....Towa?” Taku mumbled. “Are you mad at me?”

Towa looked at him in silence. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“For hiding [the truth] from you.”

“But you only did it because you thought it was for the best, right?” 

The other instance is the update in Taku’s entry (from the codex): 

I’m sure Taku had his reasons 

When Towa manages to conquer his trauma in the good ending, Taku expresses relief and is even proud of Towa for it, acknowledging that Towa has truly matured and changed for the better with a smile on his face. In turn, Towa expresses his appreciation towards Taku, and it’s clear by then that their relationship has completely mended. 

Taku: All this time, I was scared of you getting hurt. So instead, I figured you were better off not knowing anything at all. But you were stronger than that. You remembered your past, overcame it, and then you came back. It's clear to me now... You just aren't the same little kid you used to be. 

Towa: Well, obviously. But I couldn't have done it alone... Turns out, there is value in connecting with people. I just could never see it. 

Taku: What do you mean? 

Towa: What I mean is... I wouldn't be standing here today without every single person in my life.

Taku: … I’m amazed you just said that. Now I can see for myself– you’ve actually overcome it. I can’t describe how relieved I am. 

With this, in contrast to Madarame, Taku remains an important figure in Towa’s life. In Volume 4 of the AfterStory drama CD, Towa takes the initiative to thank Fujieda for getting Taku exonerated and released early. In another scene, Taku confides to Fujieda about everything that happened before capping off by saying that he trusts Fujieda to look after Towa. Even when the story takes another path such that their relationship remains platonic, it nevertheless is a deep and important one for them both.  

Closing Remarks

Now that I think about it, the only reason the Taku vs. Sakaki meta is a bit shorter than I expected is because I had to make it fit into Twitter’s format. Had it occurred to me back then to just upload it all on Google Docs, I would have gone all out with comparing those two (note to revamp that meta later on, R.I.P. me). 

I admit that I’m biased towards Taku because he’s just one fascinating character all around, combined with the fact that he can serve as a foil or a mirror character two at least three other people who are connected to Towa’s past for a multitude of reasons– which fortifies my opinion that Taku would also make for an excellent “true” love interest besides Fujieda. 

At the same time, it’s also fun to try and analyze Madarame even if, at the end of the day, many things about him remain an enigma despite the fact that everything about him is supposed to be already on the surface. And without a translation of his AfterStory drama CD, a lot of things about him will remain a myth for me. 

Once again, if it sounds like I was insulting Madarame in this meta, I was not. Either way, sorry in advance and please don’t kill me. ^^; 

#slow damage #fen writes meta

[ro-botany]

On the Characteristics of the Risen, and the Character of their King

The Risen King... Finally, a concept which once only existed in whispers and a single cipher 0 card, has made it into a Fire Emblem video game! Just the mobile game, sure, but it counts. And the Fell Exalt Chrom unit is so fascinating to me that I have not only this, but at least two other meta posts in the pipeline about it. I am so normal about him.

To kick things off... let’s talk about exactly what Risen King Chrom is, and also how he’s doing mentally. (Badly. He’s doing very badly.)

---

Real quick, we have to get one snag out of the way: the mechanism by which a Risen is made.

Shadows of Valentia introduced us to a prototypical version of the Risen created by Forneus, known as Death Masks. They’re made by fitting a dead body with a mask containing insects known as thanatophages. The thanatophages prevent the body’s decay and assert physical control over them in a manner not unlike certain real world parasites that control the muscular movements of their hosts.

I’ve seen a handful of my colleagues (lol) assume there are modern Risen made the same way. BUT. The Risen which exist during the events of Awakening are explicitly NOT Death Masks. During the xenologue Death’s Embrace, Brady states that “In the future, our wounded often turned to Risen just as we were tryin' to heal 'em.” This has to mean that Grima is transforming the dead and dying remotely, using some kind of magic; and at the height of their power, they may be either passively creating or deliberately casting an area of effect that turns dead bodies automatically. There’s nothing to suggest any Risen are manually created with thanatophages, or that Grima is manifesting thanatophages for that purpose.

Alas, we cannot do insect body horror with RK Chrom while also staying true to canon. But moving on...

---

Fell Chrom is, to make an understatement, very unique among the Risen. And to discuss why he’s unique, we first have to define what’s typical.

Behaviourally, typical Risen don’t appear to have sentience outside of their competency in wielding weapons and their tendency to form loose hierarchies based on individual strength. They’re incredibly aggressive by nature; it’s like their only innate drive is to fight and kill humans. Most of them are not capable of speech, though the stronger Risen Chiefs can grind out single words or even short phrases, which are usually just related to wanting to kill things. When being actively controlled through dark magic, they appear capable of basic tactics, though whether that comes from them or the person controlling them is unclear.

There’s no doubt that Fell Chrom is a Risen. He’s certainly got the appearance, the purple miasma, and the vocal distortion for it. Not to mention the giant glowing fatal wound in his side. Man certainly isn't alive.

He’s evidently still subject to control via dark magic too, if the fact that he was forced to war against his own country is anything to go by.

Fell Chrom also has the strong aggressive drive typical of Risen. Nearly all of his dialogue in battle situations suggests this. In order of increasing intensity: There’s the turn action quote “Find me an enemy”, which depending on your mood can read as either resignation or as chomping at the bit. There’s hostile level up quotes like “You shall count yourself...among the dead” and “You would...block my path”. His special trigger quotes are yet worse. He yells “This is your fate”, “No resistance”, and “Useless effort” with a fury you don’t expect from Chrom—and for the fourth one, he just shouts “DEATH”. And his voice clips for attacking aren’t words or even anywhere in the realm of a regular human noise, they're just distorted, monstrous growling.

But unlike with typical Risen, aggression is not all RK Chrom is. He can walk around the Askran castle and be around others without constantly trying to attack people. And in fact, he’s aware of and bothered by how violent being Risen makes him. One of his status page quotes is begging someone to “back away!” in a panic, as though he’s afraid of hurting them. It’s possible the violent instincts Risen have mainly only come into play for him in battle situations, or possibly when he’s in a state of heightened emotion.

And while RK Chrom displays the kind of difficulty with speech you would expect of a Risen, with his slow halting pace and gravelly tone, he speaks in complete, coherent sentences and displays remarkable clarity about who he is and what’s happening around him. He’s no husk. Chrom's mind is intact.

That is massive. That is completely unique among Risen, and deeply, deeply horrifying. Because even though he can think, he is by no means in control.

---

If the Forging Bonds supports are anything to go by, Chrom did try to resist Grima, at least in the beginning. From C through to A he moves from disbelief to outright despair at the very prospect of warring against Ylisse. But by the S support—which necessarily takes place years after the others due to how far Grima’s campaign has progressed—he’s given up. So much of his dialogue is mourning the past, or repeating Grima's belief that everyone is doomed and nothing can change. He’s not fighting it anymore. He's resigned to his fate as Grima’s executioner.

And why wouldn’t he be? After the initial confusion from being resurrected passed, he was lucid. He was fully mentally present when he was murdering his allies and slaughtering his own people. And between the deep, fundamental drive to kill and the direct influence of Grima on his actions... There wasn’t a damn thing he could do to stop himself. He couldn’t protect a thing.

Even now that he’s free of Grima’s influence in Askr, he doesn’t exactly do anything to avoid being an instrument of violence. Otherwise he wouldn’t be a playable unit. Everyone he’s ever cared about is dead, and he’s been nothing more than a monster and an instrument of violence for years. Why not fight. It’s the only thing he has left.

This Chrom is a deeply broken man. Angry and utterly hopeless. It’s no wonder after all he’s been through.

And yet... there’s still a spark there. For all his rigid insistence that Grima’s bleak outlook is the truth, his ally growth quote speaks volumes: “If this power were mine...back then...”

If fate is so immutable and hope is so pointless, why deal in what-ifs? Why wonder about what could have changed? And he’s still trying to protect people he cares about from himself; why else would he yell for others to “back away” when he feels he might attack them?

Through all the years of horror and the terrible curse of undeath... he’s still Chrom.

#fire emblem #chrom #risen king chrom #meta #not ME dropping depressing character analysis of the most traumatized version of chrom on his birthday. oops. #i've converted the big grima skull in plegia into a lecture hall and we're in there giving RKC blankets and talking about feelings #actually putting read mores on long posts? on this blog? its more likely than you think

[bigfan-fanfic]

Wake Up (Batdad Fanfic)

Oh god please write a fic about that time Damian’s mom stabbed batdad and he had to get surgery and healing for his appendix and the poison I AM BEGGING

Trigger warning for discussions and descriptions of injury, blood, etc.

"That was highly foolish." are the first words you hear when you awaken.

You struggle a little to remember where you are.

Gotham Mercy Hospital, in a private convalescent room, waiting.

You've been stabbed.

Bruce was incapacitated with the League of Shadows. With Ra's. And Talia had come into the Batcave to take Damian back.

She cajoled you, thanking you for taking care of her son and her beloved, but it was time for you to get out of her way now. It was Damian that attempted to defend you.

"No, Mother. I will not let you hurt him."

And that had made your heart soar, that you had made such a mark on Damian in so short a time - and considering only a few weeks before, he had been actively trying to kill you, that was quite the turnaround.

Talia sneered. "I thought you were stronger than this, son. I did not think you would go so soft so quickly."

Damian looked as though he had been slapped, and was frozen in horror as Talia approached.

"Very well. I can always make more."

Damian couldn't move, even as Talia approached, her blade already impregnated with venom.

Thankfully (?), you've been involved in enough crises that you can keep your head. The League of Shadows prefers lethality, and so the most typical poison they use on their weapons is tetrodotoxin derived from blowfish glands, which has no known antidote. Even nonlethal doses generally result in loss of motor control, making it easy to incapacitate an affected victim.

Tetrodotoxin works quickly, and only requires a small dose to be lethal when administered in an injection. However, when stabbed with a poisoned weapon, it's more likely the tainted blood will bleed out rather than introduce the toxin to the bloodstream.

Gotham Mercy has a dedicated on-call trauma unit, started when the villainous attacks started getting more violent. They won't likely have to deal with tetrodotoxin poisoning, but they can be informed as they take care of a stab wound.

All of this occured in a flash and you threw yourself forward in the path of Talia's precision stab. It struck at an odd diagonal, running you through slightly off center, a little above your hip.

You felt yourself rupture as Talia withdrew the blade in surprise, and you threw the smoke bomb that was lying on the supply dock.

Pain coursed through you as you felt Damian pull you towards one of the emergency exits, and you wondered when the shock would kick in.

Your brain was working on its own and already calling Gotham Mercy as Damian drove one of the cars, and informing the trauma unit of the emergency. You considered telling them about the tetrodotoxin, but considering you weren't feeling any of the telltale symptoms, including loss of motor function (allowing for the general trauma of bleeding out), so you didn't bother.

Then you ended up passing out, finally, and woke up here.

Dick is passed out at your bedside. He's leaned against an also-unconscious Bruce, the two of them clearly having tried to stay awake for you. You think Jason is probably standing guard outside, and since Alfred isn't here, you believe he must be at home ensuring Tim doesn't break down.

"Foolish? Nah." Your voice croaks from lack of use. "Reckless, yes. Dangerous, undoubtedly. But it's never foolish for a dad to protect his kids."

"You were stabbed. Run through! And you nearly were poisoned. They needed to conduct an emergency appendectomy because Mother ruptured your appendix! All for a boy who has done nothing but hate you and insult you. And you're still calling me your kid?"

"Yeah, Damian, I am. Cause I care about you. Because you've had a rough lot in life so far, and I know better than most what it's like to have to grow up fast. I know what it's like to be left behind by your parents. Maybe you're right, and I'm not your dad. That's okay too. But you know what? That's your choice to make. When you're ready. You don't have to call me dad, or treat me like anything more than a legal guardian and caretaker. I'm always here for you, though."

Your heart aches as you watch Damian's stoic face crack. He cries, and he cries hard, and when you instinctively reach out, he collapses into your embrace, and you ignore the wince at the sudden jolt of movement.

It's going to be rough. But it's always been that way. There'll be ups and downs. But you're alive, and the boy crying into your chest who has known nothing but fear and death is being vulnerable, and you know that you both will be okay.

#blood tw #injury tw #batdad reader #batdad #batman x male reader #batman x reader #batman headcanons #headcanons #bruce wayne x male reader #bruce wayne x reader

[itsbenedict]

okay fine i played Fire Emblem Engage

That's where I've been for the past, like, week. It wasn't a great decision. I would call it a purchase made in a moment of weakness.

The conventional wisdom I've heard is "yeah the story and characters are Bad and Nothing, but the gameplay is really good", and that was kind of accurate to my experience. But it was... weirdly not as bad as I was expecting? It had some redeeming qualities, narratively! I enjoyed it more than, say, Fates by a mile.

It was still extremely stupid, though. Wow. It's not as actively infuriating as some recent FE has been, but it's certainly a completely braindead narrative.

You can open this readmore if you want to hear all about that.

So the plot of the game: there's an evil dragon man who wants to take over the world. He got sealed away a thousand years ago but now he's back and wants to take over the world. You Have To Stop Him. (There are epicycles to this, but all of them are dumb and very few of them matter.)

Toothpaste Lord, Alear, is the [son/daughter, in my game daughter] of the Divine Dragon, a very nice queen lady who the people of [setting] worship as a goddess. A thousand years ago she got mortally wounded sealing away the evil dragon man, and went to sleep for a thousand years to recover. Fast forward to now, and she wakes up, except she has amnesia and doesn't remember jack shit including her mother. This is concealing one (1) twist, which doesn't really affect anything, and mainly the amnesia is so that there's a reason for people to be constantly introducing concepts to her. Standard fare.

So she wakes up, and almost immediately, evil dragon man's zombie army is inexplicably invading the palace. He kills Divine Dragon queen mom in a very tragic scene where Healing Doesn't Work (at least they bother having the healer try, so points there) and she dies in your arms and there's like five solid minutes of poorly-paced anguish and angst over this character you've known for all of five minutes.

I want to stop and note- this is a beat this game fucking loves. The scene where a loved one dies tragically in someone's arms while delivering some inspiring last words happens- if my count is right- eight times in this god damn game, sometimes for the same character twice. They do it constantly, for characters that do not matter and you do not have any investment in. I'm halfway to thinking this is someone's fetish somehow- but more realistically it's just hack writing.

After that, the Prince of Somewhere shows up to save you, and you escape the palace and go on a journey to recruit allies and stop the evil dragon man. The journey involves traveling across four continents, each of which has a kingdom in it, which have two princes/princesses apiece, each of which have two loyal retainers apiece. Add the player and their own three loyal retainers for a total of 28 playable characters who are just there because they're On Your Side and otherwise have no investment in the conflict besides not wanting to get killed by zombie armies. There's eight other playable characters that have any other motivation at all, and most of them are bad.

(Actually that's not true. Two of the princesses have other motivations- they're princesses of Evil Cultistopia, which starts the game on evil dragon man's side, and they have a sort of journey to a face turn that would be kind of interesting if either of them were good characters. Evil Cultistopia's state religion is the worship of evil dragon man, except it's been a thousand years since he was sealed away so they're sort of just a normal country with a normal religion now. The idea of a country suddenly face-to-face with their god, who's asking them to wage war on the entire world with zombie armies, and it being politically impossible to not do that despite no one really wanting to do that? Cool idea! If only they fucking used or explored it in the slightest.)

Anyway, the big bad's evil plan is to gather the 12 Emblem Rings, macguffins that if collected together will grant INFINITE POWER. Again, standard stuff. But the rings in question are the central mechanical gimmick of the game, and the focus of the plot in and of themselves, and I have to talk about them because they're so dumb.

Each ring has the spirit of a protagonist of a previous Fire Emblem game in it!

Why? What are they doing here? How did they end up in magic rings? Do Not Ask Questions. They're here for fanservice reasons and we will be exploring precisely zero of the implications of their existence.

None of them are characters even slightly. They're there, they follow people around as stando powerghosts, they can talk and stuff- but like... Fire Emblem protagonists struggle with having personalities even at the best of times, and this is not the best of times. Every single one of them is reduced to vapid friendship speeches, even the ones that weren't already just a human collection of friendship speeches.

Most of the plot, such as it is, concerns the collection of these rings, and occasional dramatic turnabouts when the bad guys take the rings from you. Oh, shit!

Oh no! They took Marth! Y'know, Marth! That character, who had traits and stuff! Aren't you horrified that the bad guys have Marth now? Isn't it so sad that his hair is red? Please buy it when Alear is so, so crying about Marth getting kidnapped! They had such a close friendship, which you can tell from how the only thing they ever talked about was how close their friendship was!

(Also, every single one of these twelve non-characters has their own Paralogue chapter, where they encounter a random ancient ruin or fort or something on the map, and they're like "whoa! this random location looks weirdly like a fan-favorite plot-important map from my game! Let me spend eight seconds recapping its plot, and then challenge you to a duel here to Strengthen Our Bonds somehow!". They're all exactly the same and drag out the game way longer than it needs to be.)

It's all very stupid! I hate it terribly.

Which is why it's a shame that the Emblem Rings are the coolest fucking mechanic that's ever been in Fire Emblem.

You equip a ring to a unit- any unit- and they confer fucking busted abilities, like teleporting halfway across the map and nuking something, or making seven consecutive attacks, or getting tons of extra movement and movement actions so you can be anywhere when you need to be there.

One lets you do the "give four adjacent allies an extra turn" thing that Reyson let you do in FE9/10, except you can put it on anyone and not just a frail bird-man you have to keep out of danger. And since there's another actual Dancer in the game, you can bust the action economy wide open.

Here's this overpowered tanky flier who can't just divebomb enemy back ranks because she dies in one hit to arrows or wind magic! Oh, but she has the ring equipped that makes sure she survives attacks that would kill her unless her health is already low! Bye, giant wall of enemy mages!

Here's my armor knight who's an unstoppable brick wall! He's balanced by being so slow that you can't get him in position to use him reliably, but- oh, hey, here's the ring that just puts him on a fucking horse!

One just lets the unit equip healing staves even if they weren't magic at all before. You can staple utility roles that are normally balanced by making the unit itself shitty and fragile... to units that already kick ass normally. My assassin can heal people now! I am become the master of both life and death!

It's so goofy and lets you have so much fun with it. You can also inherit skills from Emblems to keep them after you swap the ring from someone else- so if you want someone to get the mounted unit post-combat reposition thing, just have 'em hang out with Sigurd a bit!

It's also, like... an effective bit of fanservice, because they put an inordinate amount of work into fleshing out the system. Every character gets a unique insane magic superhero outfit and color scheme and combat voice lines for when they merge with each of the twelve emblems. You can make anyone say "I fight for my friends" and "You'll get no sympathy from me!" by equipping Ike. It's bizarrely high-effort.

That's the good part, mechanically. The bad part, mechanically, is this thing called the Somniel- a magical floating island in the sky you can fast-travel to, which is just Garreg Mach again.

Run around the same too-big 3D environment doing pointless bullshit between every map! Don't you want to go to every glowing spot on the minimap to collect the free items that spawned there? You might miss out on some Rare Fruit, which you can add as an extra ingredient in the fucking cooking system to increase the odds the dish will be higher-rarity! Surely you want to collect random wildlife from maps after you beat them so they can hang out in a pasture and generate random drops for you to collect between maps! Do the fishing minigame, which has two more steps than last time for no reason, in order to get Minced Fish and Bond Fragments! Spend the Bond Fragments to pull from the Bond Rings gachapon, to get jpegs of old-ass art assets of Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Game that you can equip for incredibly marginal stat bonuses! Watch your horribly-designed anime soldiers in their swimsuits going back and forth in the pool for extra support progress! Cram your inventory with literal horseshit because it looks exactly the same sparkling on the ground as the stuff you want! Play a rail shooter! Do some push-ups! Feed this stupid-looking dog thing to max out its affection meter for no benefit whatsoever! I hate you! I HATE you! I HATE YOU! 𝐈 𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔! DON'T DESIGN YOUR VIDEOGAME THIS WAY!! IT'S BORING AND SUCKS SHIT!!! I'LL PUNCH OFF YOUR LEGS!!!!!!!!!

...haaaaah. I need to calm down. It's just- it's so bad. It's so much extra development effort to create all these extraneous systems that you could've just not had and it would've been better. So many wasted manhours of effort put into building and polishing unfun time-wasting garbage because some suit thought "more features = more sales". I feel sorry for the devs that were forced to work on that!

...

Okay. Okay I think that's the end of the review. What else is there to say that I didn't say?

No, wait, right. I said the plot had redeeming qualities. I said it didn't piss me off as much as Fates. Okay. What are those redeeming qualities?

Well... first off, while the plot is braindead and tropey and nothing, it at the very least passes the bare minimum bar of the characters' actions making sense. It's not hard for their actions to make sense, since it's a dead simple goodguys-versus-badguys situation where the main villain is an evil dragon man with a zombie army, but so many things fail to clear this bar. The characters are almost never interesting, but rarely do they make me go "what the fuck are you talking about? why would you make that decision?", and after Fates and Three Houses that is a breath of fresh air.

Secondly: they're kind of smart about their antagonists. Evil dragon man is so obviously not a compelling character, just a force in the plot, that they don't bother putting him onscreen more than necessary. We mostly follow his Four Elite Generals that Fire Emblem big bads always have, except instead of elite generals they're just a bunch of fuckin' weirdos who've been tasked with babysitting his split-personality daughter. They get up to some infighting and have approximately believable motives and you get to kind of care about what's going on with them! The writer gave at least half a shit about what motivates the villains as people, despite the overarching villain being a stock evil demon king guy.

(In particular, there's this one really good death scene after you beat a couple of them- one of them has a heel face turn when they're dying, complete with yet another tragic dying-in-your-arms inspiring speech... and then after the heroes leave and pledge to always remember them, you get a scene where another one, who also got fatally wounded in the same battle, goes "so what was that all about. that sappy stuff was obviously bullshit. what gives, why betray the boss right at the end?" And they're like "yeah, no, i mainly did that to say fuck you to the boss for sending me on this suicide mission instead of rewarding me for my loyal service. but i figured if i was doing that i'd make up something more noble-sounding so they remember me fondly instead of as a petty asshole." Then they have a truly fucked-up conversation about their mommy issues before dying. It's a good scene!)

Thirdly, they do this really fun thing in the big climax before the final gauntlet, where... I mean, a lot of it is nonsense, but they're doing a fairly standard fakeout bit where the protagonist gets killed by the big bad but some kind of deus ex machina brings them back to life, right? But the way they do that, specifically, is... there's this character who did the zombie-army raising who eventually turns good and joins you, and while the protagonist is dying, she's like "hey, I have an idea- how about use your dark magics to bind my soul to my corpse as a zombie, and then just don't suborn my will?" And then they do that, and it works and it's kind of fucked up and makes everyone uncomfortable! A very cool moment. (Then a different deus ex machina brings you back as a ghost instead of a zombie and your hair turns completely blue, which I was hyped about purely for color scheme reasons since it's otherwise pretty stupid.)

I should probably also say something about the characters? They're usually a pretty big draw for Fire Emblem, and this game does go whole hog on having a large cast with lots and lots of support conversations. But, uh... they're mostly bad. The character designs are over-the-top and anime in a way that doesn't convey anything useful about them, and they tend to just be "character trait A meets incongruous character trait B and we will do the bare minimum to reconcile this". Pretty bad voice direction and dialogue pacing sucks a lot of the charm out of it, too. The fact that most characters are just there to Be A Character You Get and don't organically get involved in your quest doesn't help.

(There are a few that are functional- Yunaka's a good one, as one of the few that isn't just some prince's retainer and has a motive to be with the party. I like her "dark superassassin past but embarrassed about it" shtick, and her VA manages to make her cutesy catchphrases not annoying somehow. I don't know that anyone in the cast is above like a B-tier character, though.)

So... that's Engage. It wasn't ambitious, but it basically worked. It's not a game that has anything to say beyond "it is virtuous to be a really big fan of Fire Emblem, please go whale in the gacha", and it didn't have two brain cells to rub together- but it was pretty and fun and mostly didn't piss me off.

#game review #there's spoilers under the cut but you're not missing anything getting spoiled on this game

[zwy01]

Noble OCs - Landegre

Making five OCs for every clan!

Ortlinde Landegre: Non-pureblood. Alive in the present day, belongs to Raskreia’s generation.

Ortlinde is very proud of ancient Landegre traditions. She strives to teach them to the rest of Lukedonia through explanation and demonstration. The Landegre Clan is known for their majestic and spectacular jousting matches. This martial game is a common sight at formal ceremonies and casual parties. It can be done as a ritual or just for fun. Jousting is a great bonding activity for family and friends. A Landegre inviting someone to come watch their jousting match and asking to be cheered on can be very romantic in certain contexts. At some point in history, a group of humans picked up on the noble tradition from legends that circulated and adopted it to represent their knights’ skill and courage. The humans weren’t exactly accurate with their replication, though. That’s because they ride horses in their matches. The Landegre ride unicorns, a supernatural species that is ancient and powerful just like the clan they’re associated with. Ortlinde’s unicorn friend is named Magnolia. The duo is very passionate about their culture and work hard to encourage the other clans to obtain a deep understanding of the art of jousting. Since nobles and unicorns are much more powerful than humans and horses, the jousting matches are intense and violent. Bleeding, spilled guts, and shattered bones are some of the most common injuries. For this reason, Ortlinde always makes sure there are healers nearby to monitor and tend to the wounded. She also advises those who are scared of blood to watch jousting matches at their own risk. Ortlinde is an expert on jousting techniques and mostly teaches children and beginners. Older clan members also ask her for advice as she can efficiently guide people based on their varying levels of mastery. She always gets excited when people show an interest in Landegre culture. In addition to being a jousting instructor, she also jousts in her free time. Ortlinde and Magnolia are inseparable best friends and they’re always looking for opponents to be with in the arena. Their favorite duo to challenge is Ortlinde’s cousin Ludwig Landegre and his unicorn Viriato. After getting their daily exercise, the four of them heal up, stretch, then go for a picnic nearby.

Ortlinde’s partner is an unnamed Volo.

Quirinus Landegre: Pureblood. Alive in the present day, belongs to the Previous Lord’s generation.

Quirinus and the Previous Lord were introduced to each other as children. Quirinus was assigned to the Previous Lord as his playmate, study buddy, and sparring partner by the latter’s father who was the Lord at that time. The previous Previous Lord and Gejutel were friends and the former mentioned wanting to find someone who could grow up alongside his young son. It’d be nice for Lukedonia’s heir to have someone who can keep him company and monitor him at the same time. The reason behind this was that the previous Previous Lord valued independence and believed it would be the best for his son to learn from making his own decisions without much influence from the older, high-ranking nobles… including himself. Rather than putting thoughts into his son’s head, he’d like to see how far his little boy could go without his intervention. He stepped up when it was necessary, but other than that, the young prince was encouraged to gain experience on his own. The previous Previous Lord also added that the companion candidate should be mature, clever, and unafraid to speak their mind to the prince as his equal. Gejutel thought about it for a while and remembered that one young pureblooded Landegre boy seemed promising, and suggested Quirinus as a possibility. Very well then, let him send in a self-recommendation letter, the Lord declared. And the young and bright Quirinus delivered. To him, he was bestowed with great honor and he was certain that he’d do a good job like the other Landegres serving the Lord and his family. The two children were close and got along very well. Quirinus proved to be the excellent choice because he counterbalanced the prince in many areas. When they trained their fighting skills together with a mentor, Quirinus always offered to go first. He knew that when the prince hesitates, it’s only due to his dislike of pain and injury and not because he didn’t want to improve himself. After Quirinus is done with his demonstration, he’d tell the prince to look at him and how he’s fine and it’s not that bad. And when they studied together, Quirinus always asked their tutor for the material several days prior to their actual lessons so he could go over it first and assist the prince if he gets stuck and needs peer support. During their lessons, he’d also follow the prince and make him go back indoors whenever he got distracted, and tell him that they can chase butterflies together after they finish their homework for the day. Quirinus never overstepped his boundaries yet knew when to be firm. He has his sense of humor too, as he’d always ask if it’s real suggestions, emotional support, or a joke that his friend wants from him at the moment. Time passed and the Lord’s heir was ready to ascend to the throne. Quirinus could’ve left the castle and returned to his home because his job as companion had been fulfilled, but he stayed because his friend wanted him to be there, so he only officially “retires” when Raskreia becomes Lord. He and Gejutel speak fondly of the old days and both miss their old clown of a Lord. Currently, Quirinus is writing an autobiography highlighting the details of his career. He plans to give it to Minerva when he’s done and the generations after him can learn about a piece of history told from his perspective. Quirinus is the partner of Betelgeuse Pyradros.

Geirmundr Landegre: Non-pureblood. Alive in the present day, belongs to Raskreia’s generation.

Geirmundr is very old-fashioned despite being a member of one of the newer generations. That, or maybe he’s just plain weird. He’s a nice person but he has a few traits to him that make others wonder if he’s trying too hard to be unique. Geirmundr almost only ever communicates with others via telepathy and refuses to speak like a normal person. He thinks opening mouths to create sound is very inelegant. He also sees eating and drinking as unsophisticated. He might even be convinced that nobles do these “unnecessary things” just to show off because they can. That is, until one day one of his friends sighed and stuffed a piece of cake into his mouth and showed him a whole new world. He’s been a super big fan of food ever since. It was the moment of realization that he needed to learn that just because you don’t need it doesn’t mean you can’t have it for enjoyment. Geirmundr promptly drops his prejudice against food and becomes a baker. He still refuses to talk, though. He thinks it’s too cringy. The nobles are casually betting on who can get him to talk first. It’s funny, really. Still, Geirmundr thinks there should be a balance between needs and wants. He is a firm believer of living the most simplistic life because as nobles, they don’t need anything. His current home is small and basic. His parents left him their estate, but he took down most of it and donated everything he owned to help humans in need. His possessions might mean nothing more than decorations in Lukedonia, but they could change lives in the outside world, he thought. Thanks to Geirmundr’s act of charity, many humans were able to secure income and essential resources by displaying his belongings in their villages. They transformed their homes into tourist attractions and that kept the money coming. This is more sustainable than simply handing out material resources, and they can prosper for generations. He may not be able to improve the lives of all humans, but he could do it for as many as he can within his power, and it’s the sentiment that counts. To this day, Geirmundr happily resides in his tiny, plain home in Lukedonia. That is all he needs to be happy and fulfilled. Geirmundr’s partner is an unnamed Elenor.

Irmhild Kassandra Landegre: Pureblood. Entered eternal sleep, belonged to Gejutel’s generation.

Irmhild was Gejutel’s older sister. She was short-tempered and stubborn just like her younger brother except to a much greater degree and perhaps that was what made her worse in comparison. She was Gejutel with irritability and explosiveness on steroids. She tried her best to not let those traits influence her but her success was limited. Irmhild took responsibility for her tendencies and made sure to excuse herself when she felt that something was about to come up. She could’ve asked for friends’ support or professional help, but her pride was enough to override her desperation. Ultimately, she chose to deal with it on her own. Aside from her issues, Irmhild was a decent person. When the time of succession came, she suggested to her mother and predecessor that Regasus and the title of Clan Leader should go to her brother instead because he is the better candidate. Her mother approved, and Gejutel took over their clan. Gejutel respected his responsible and organized older sister and she was fond of him too. She guided him through clan duties in his youth. When Irmhild didn’t lock herself away, she discussed literature and history with Gejutel as they enjoyed tea and biscuits. The siblings loved each other despite the invisible barrier between them. Their interactions were always formal even when it was just the two of them. They never referred to each other by anything other than their full names. Still, they knew they cherished one another and that was enough. Irmhild had an adult son whom she lost in an accident. She unintentionally killed him with a fatal attack during one of their arguments. She truly didn’t mean for it to happen. Mother and son got along well most of the time but there were quite some things they disagreed on. After enduring centuries after centuries of bottled up agony and fury, Irmhild finally lost it. Her “attack” wasn’t directed at her son nor anyone. The turbulent aura pulsating throughout her body exceeded her maximum threshold. In a split second, Irmhild blasted off two-thirds of her son’s body with a swipe of a hand. She came back to her senses immediately after and panicked as she tried to save him, but it was too late. She happened to take out his heart and entire abdomen and he died very quickly. Irmhild was heartbroken and could not speak of this incident to anyone. Everyone just assumed that her son chose to die on his own accord. For his entire life, he had shown major symptoms of crippling depression and his death wasn’t unexpected. Although sad, his family and friends wouldn’t be surprised if he made such a decision. His death was never investigated and people came over and showed their condolences to Irmhild for losing her son, which just made her feel even more miserable because she couldn’t tell them that no, he didn’t end himself, she did. Irmhild’s grief and lingering love for her deceased son found a new home when they latched onto her newborn nephew Rousare. After all, he looked just like his cousin. They were nearly identical and Irmhild more or less saw her son in him. She could make it right this time, she thought. And she was a very involved aunt in Rousare’s life. She loved him like a mother would. His eventual assassination crushed her. Irmhild basically lost her “child” for the second time. The pain was too much for her and she entered eternal sleep not long after, but not before confessing to the truth behind her son’s death in a journal she left for her family to discover. No one knows what Irmhild’s hobbies were because she was private and kept to herself.

Eporedorix Landegre: Non-pureblood. Alive in the present day, belongs to the Previous Lord’s generation.

Eporedorix isn’t a doctor, but he collects raw ingredients for other nobles to work with. Many of the precious ingredients he obtains get sent to researchers who study medicine. He never thought he’d end up with his extremely niche job, but he’s very special because he’s one of if not the only person who can achieve this feat. The answer is his unusual ability to get along with the Landegre unicorns. Eporedorix is their favorite person. They just won’t leave him alone, and he has no idea why they like him so much. Unicorns are smart, mischievous, aggressive, and very picky and territorial about who comes and goes. They won’t hesitate to bully someone who isn’t the select few they’re fond of and each one has their own preference for people. Usually, most nobles run away when they see a unicorn. Except for Eporedorix. He doesn’t need to because he is the only outlier and all unicorns love him. He never asks for anything from them, but they’re always offering gifts to him. Strands of their hair, vials of their blood, and even entire lengths of their prized horns. While unicorn horns grow back when broken off, their owners don’t just give them away for no reason. The unicorns’ offer to Eporedorix is unprecedented and it’s even more unbelievable that they let him know they’ll gladly give him more and as many as he wants. He’s very grateful for their gifts yet he remains clueless as to why they’re so welcoming of him. The truth behind this is that when Eporedorix was younger, he helped one of their kind with a move that was so selfless and touching, they remembered him forever and vowed to repay that favor. The exact details can remain a mystery for now. The material he collects from the unicorns, especially their horns, would eventually prove to be a core ingredient in a groundbreaking medicinal advancement. This discovery doesn’t happen until much later, though. The details can be a secret for now too. Eporedorix’s partner is an unnamed Kertia.

Thank you for reading! Loyard is next!

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