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wheeler-things · 1 year

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Mike Wheeler, the Hand and Eye of Vecna, and D&D as Foreshadowing

I'm about to say something unhinged.

It's going to take a fair amount of words to unpack (sorry about that) because I need to give context before I just come out and say it. And I'm fully aware that it's just one of hundreds of possible options for s5, so I'm really not trying to convince anybody of anything just... I was thinking about foreshadowing and analogies again, and something occurred to me and then it snowballed and.... hm.

Okay, so, I talked about it a lot more in this post, but the key point for what I'm talking about here is my belief that the Party's first D&D game in s1 actually foreshadows all of the main Upside Down antagonists from seasons 1-4, with the D&D Demogorgon actually representing Henry. Essentially, my breakdown came down to this:

"Something is coming. Something hungry for blood." -> s1 -> the Demogorgon. "A shadow grows on the wall behind you, swallowing you in darkness." -> s2 -> the shadow monster. "An army of troglodytes charge into the chamber!" -> s3 -> the Mind Flayer and the Flayed. "The Demogorgon!" -> s4 -> Henry Creel.

So, the remaining unaccounted for villains (assuming that the way the characters use D&D enemies as analogies is not necessarily representative of/accurate to what they actually foreshadow within the narrative) are:

Mike's Thessalhydra

Will's Juju hoard

Eddie's Vecna

I have some speculation on the first two, but it's the third that I'm going to do a deep dive into my thoughts on.

Since this is pretty long and it takes a bit of time to get through the contextualizing, let me clarify up front that this ties into the "Mike has a connection to the Upside Down" theories which I love, but which I know are not to everyone's tastes.

Who IS Vecna (in Stranger Things)?

From the campaign in s4e1, we learn:

Vecna is hiding in plain sight among his own cultists

"His skin is shrivelled. Desiccated. And [...] he is not only missing his left arm, but his left eye"

Vecna was believed to be dead/killed by Kas

An 11 isn't enough to defeat him, but a 20 is (notably, we don't actually hear what Dustin and Erica were trying to roll to do-- based on the context of the scene, we assume that it was combat-based, but it is not explicitly laid out)

Later, in s4e2, Vecna is described (in terms that the characters start to tie to the entity we later learn is Henry, in an effort to theorize about what's going on) as:

An undead creature of great power

A spellcaster

A dark wizard

Note: In the context of Eddie's description of what happened to Chrissy, the term "Vecna's curse" is brought up. This leads into the description of Vecna's characteristics listed above, but no further details (as far as I can find or remember) are given about what Vecna's curse is like in Eddie's game. Which leads me to...

Who IS Vecna (in D&D)?

Alright, I have to admit-- I've played D&D before, but my friends have a tendency to prefer MotW/PbtA-based games, and even when we HAVE done D&D, the storylines and characters have been entirely from the DM's mind/not from anything official. As a result, everything I'm about to say here is based on what Google can tell me (I'm aware others have talked about this before, but I think it gives some useful context for where I'm going to go in this analysis, if I make sure we’re all on the same page about the background D&D lore).

The main websites that I used to get information for this part can be found here, here, and here.

So! The long and short of it seems to be that in life, Vecna was a wizard who built a "terrible empire". In order to avoid death, he turned himself into a lich, and in undeath, he continued to grow his empire. He had a lieutenant named Kas, who Vecna gifted a sword to. For unknown (though the speculation does not paint him in a positive light) reasons, Kas murdered Vecna, leaving behind only Vecna's eye and left hand along with a pile of ash. However, his spirit survived the attack and he spent "eons" regaining his former power. In the meantime, his artifacts, cults, and "dark secrets" continued corrupting others/pushing them towards evil.

It may also be notable that Vecna was known to have a "formidable and hideous" temper.

And... that's the short version of everything that I could find about Vecna in D&D.

Henry Creel as Vecna

So, this is the obvious conclusion, because the characters call Henry "Vecna", which seems to have largely lead to the audience assumption that the Vecna in Eddie's campaign definitely foreshadows Henry. And I want to start out by acknowledging that I do think this is absolutely a possibility! I could 100% be wrong about the Demogorgon in Mike's campaign representing Henry, and even if I'm not, there's nothing that says there can't be two moments of foreshadowing for the same antagonist.

If Henry is Vecna, I know there are a lot of theories about who Kas is, and I'm not interested in getting too deep into the weeds on that particular debate. With that being said, I will say that when I first watched s4 I personally thought it was obvious that, if Henry was actually the person foreshadowed by Eddie's Vecna, then El was clearly Kas and had already fulfilled her part in that role?

I mean, Henry didn't have any real power in the lab so obviously El wasn't his lieutenant. But she was clearly his favourite (or, depending on how you read his character, he at least did a good job of pretending that she was his favourite). He gave her a weapon (in that he taught her to use her anger to weaponize her powers). At first she helped him with things (ie. getting Soteria out of his neck), but later she turned against him and used the "weapon" he "gave" her in order to, as far as she understood at the time, kill him (literally turned him to ash, and he appears when we see him next in the Upside Down). But, of course, he wasn't actually dead, and in line with Eddie's campaign, he came back. El tried to face him alone, but it failed/missed just like the eleven roll.

You may or may not agree with me on that, but I personally think it's the most likely scenario. I just... can't see them recreating everyone thinking Henry has been killed for a THIRD time only to bring him back AGAIN. And in my opinion, El-as-Kas (but she's already fulfilled the role) does fit very well with what we know about Vecna from Eddie's campaign/with a number of the details from D&D.

I will also concede that you could make the case that Henry was hiding in plain sight among his cultists during the time when he was interacting with baby!El (as in, he was disguised as a lab assistant, and obviously the whole Lab is dedicated to, essentially, recreating Henry's powers so that's sort of like a cult to him, I suppose), and that he is certainly, as of the present timeline in s4, something like an undead creature as well was being very powerful and functionally a dark wizard. His flesh is even shrivelled and desiccated after his time in the Upside Down.

All of which is to say, without speculating heavily about the potential events of s5, Henry does look incredibly appealing as the thing foreshadowed by Eddie's campaign.

But…

The Case for Someone Else as Vecna

There are a few main reasons why I think that Henry is a red herring as the thing Vecna was foreshadowing.

Firstly, and least compellingly (I have to mention it, but it's not evidence that stands on its own), if Mike's Demogorgon foreshadows Henry, but the Party mis-used its name for the UD's Demogorgon because it was the monster they happened to be fighting at the time, then it stands to reason that it's possible that they may have mis-used Vecna's name to apply it to Henry for the same reason-- it was the most recent/most superficially relevant enemy the Party had fought in D&D and, as such, made for a decent enough analogy to the current situation.

Secondly, just on a narrative scale, if El has already played the Kas role in the s4 flashbacks and then has also already made her failed roll in present day s4... then literally all that's left is to roll a 20 and win? It's too smooth/too easy to take up a whole season. Obviously, the writers can throw in extra drama and struggle and tension, but if we're already past the failed 11 roll, then... it can't be too intense or else the foreshadowing loses its tight 1:1 dynamic with what's happening in the plot. And “not too intense” is very rarely what people are going for when they write a finale season.

Thirdly... despite how well Henry aligns with almost all of the descriptions of Eddie's Vecna, he does not align with what I would argue are the two most emphasized descriptors (the two that Eddie puts the most passion and physicality into describing, and the two which seem to actually make it clear to the Club that the unknown cultist is Vecna). Namely: Henry very much is not missing an eye or an arm. His left arm is odd looking, but that's not because he ever lost it and had to replace it. It appears to just be part of whatever the Upside down is doing to him/turning him into (God, I hope he's turning into a Demogorgon-- I saw someone suggest that at one point and I wish I could find the post to link it here, because I think it would be the funniest and most fitting option). And Henry's eyes both look kind of odd/cloudy now, but not only does he have both of them, but the flashback to him wandering the Upside Down after El threw him in there make it explicitly clear that his injured/initially damaged eye was his right eye. It would have been just as easy, and changed nothing about the overall narrative, if they had made Henry’s left eye blind instead/to subtly align with the Vecna analogy, so the fact that they so pointedly didn’t suggests to me that, in terms of foreshadowing, Henry may not actually be Vecna at all. In fact, there is nothing at all that I can remember connecting Henry to the idea of left eyes, except that the characters call him Vecna, and Eddie's Vecna is described as being devoid of one.

Also (and this is just a small point), I do think that it's interesting that in D&D, Vecna's backstory includes him creating a dark empire, and there are a lot of theories abounding about the idea that someone in the main cast created or significantly altered the Upside Down (I've mostly seen them about Will and Mike, but I imagine there are other similar theories for other characters). Because what we know for sure is that Henry absolutely did not create it, and likely did not significantly alter it either (at least not until he met the shadow monster), I do think that it's worth noting that this is another way in which Henry's character diverges from at least the D&D version of Vecna.

Detour: How do Superpowers Work in Stranger Things?

I may or may not have driven myself mad trying to figure this out. And I also may or may not have spent a long time resigned to the idea that Kali had been retconned by s4 showing that all the other numbers seem to have basically the same powers as Henry and El (with the possible exception of El's ability to open portals into the UD-- unless Henry had this ability as well before the Mind Flayer took a chunk out of El in s3... we simply don't know yet).

I feel like I maybe heard something, at one point, that suggested that all of the kids in the lab had telekinesis and then also at least one other power. However, I can't find a source on that? Also, I don't believe there's any direct evidence of this shown in s4 (and Kali's powers outright contradict it), given that the only non-telekinetic power that we were shown by anybody but Henry and El was 010 who was able to see what others were doing in his mind (which seemed to be very similar to El's mind void abilities, if maybe a little stronger or more well-practised).

Either way, I think the evidence given in the show suggests that there are three possible ways to develop or obtain supernatural abilities in the Stranger Things universe.

Via experimentation. This was the case for El, and very likely also most of the other kids in the Lab. It also seems to have been the case for El's mother, who we see being able to flicker the lights and change the channels on her television with her mind.

Through infiltration by and/or extended exposure to the Upside Down. I'm a little more tentative on this one, because my main example of this is Will, and we all know that there are a LOT of theories about Will's abilities. And I want to stress that I cannot definitively say they're wrong. All I can say is that, as the show exists right now, one of many possible readings is that Will's abilities, such as sensing the Mind Flayer, seem to be a result of his experiences with the Upside Down. If this is accurate, then it represents a method of obtaining powers that is distinct from how El got hers. I’m not at all trying to discount the possibility that Will could have other powers that he was born with or developed due to experimentation (I love a good Will-born-with-powers theory!), I just want to consider the possibility that Will’s powers could be a result of his experiences with the Upside Down.

Being born with them/developing them spontaneously. Henry is the obvious example of this, but I also believe that Kali is another example. Her powers are completely different than those of the other numbers. Moreover, Kali was abducted when she was five, unlike El who was abducted as an infant. To me, this suggests that Kali was likely not the result of Brenner's experimentation, but rather, more similar to Henry in that she spontaneously developed powers, and Brenner took advantage of that fact. If this is the case, it would explain why Kali's powers are so different from those of everybody else that we've seen-- because it is likely that Brenner used Henry Creel as the basis upon which his experiments were developed, explaining why they largely seem to have powers very similar to Henry.

If this assessment is correct (and I cannot stress enough how speculative I am being here because this is still a huge mystery in the show itself), then I do think it's interesting that Henry (who is almost certainly going to be the main/active antagonist for the vast majority of s4, even if he doesn't turn out to be "Vecna" from Eddie's campaign in the end) represents 3/3 of these points (he was experimented on by Brenner, he has been changed by the Upside Down, and he developed his powers spontaneously), and yet, out of our protagonists, only 2/3 of those points are currently represented (El who developed her powers via experimentation, and Will who likely/possibly-- I know everyone has their own strong opinions on this developed them via exposure to the Upside Down)?

In reality, I think that if my interpretation of how getting superpowers works in this universe is accurate, then it seems to me that we will very likely have a character with powers that developed naturally to complement El and Will.

However, both for narrative reasons (it would feel too shoehorned in/too Deus ex Machina) and for fitting in with the other established characters who seem to have spontaneously developed powers reasons, it would not make sense for any of our protagonists to all of a sudden start moving things with their minds. Narratively, it would just seem like it was being added in at the last minute and, anyway, it seems like Kali developed her powers/showed clear signs of them before the age of five, and Henry developed his around the age of twelve, so it’s likely that if any of our characters were going to develop powers, it would start before their teenage years.

So, assuming we're not getting Erica (God, I wish) or Holly (...I mean, I wouldn't complain) suddenly developing powers of their own, it seems likely that if any of our characters are going to have spontaneous powers, they likely already have them/are already using them. However, I don't think any of our beloved ensemble cast would know they have powers and not share that with the class. They all want to beat the Upside Down, and El and Will have already more than shown how useful superpowers are in that effort.

And... on a narrative level, let's be real. If this is the direction things are going, the reveal of these powers/abilities cannot be a joyous occasion. It has to hurt. Because if it doesn't hurt, we're back to the Deus ex Machina issue. But if it hurts-- if the reveal causes severe conflict for the character in question and with the people around them, if it breaks them down and reveals new things about them, if the reveal feels like a loss, in the moment when it comes about, rather than a win for the cast... then it might work.

For that to happen, the repressed/extant but unknown powers have to connect to the Upside Down. They have to have had a significant hand in all the pain that our characters have gone through. Possibly via either creating the Upside Down or the shadow monster, or else through some other connection. But the connection has to be there, because the reveal needs to cause fear, pain, and conflict for the characters.

Detour Cont'd: So... Who Is It?

So... if my wild speculation above is in any way accurate, I think it's worth taking a look at our established characters to see who could have done it.

So, Henry was wandering the Upside Down from 1979 onwards, El opened her first gate in that same year, so I suspect that if any of our characters did accidentally create/influence the Upside Down it likely happened starting around this time. In '79 (dangerously assuming my math is correct), Nancy (also Jonathan and Robin) would have been 11-12, and the Party would have been 7-8, making them the primary possibilities. - I think it's fair to assume that if they're doing this, it would be a major character that we've known since s1, so that discounts Robin and Max. - Additionally, given the composition of the final shot of s4, I think it's reasonable to assume that this character would be in that final shot, because they would have a significant role to play in s5. That cuts out Lucas and Dustin as well. - I'll also say that we can cut out El and Will, since their powers are (under this specific interpretation) already accounted for. - That leaves the remaining options as: Nancy, Jonathan, and Mike. - And, I mean... Mike's the one who's in the middle of that final shot, just as much as Will is. Mike's the one who always knows weird random stuff about the Upside Down and about El's powers. Mike's the one whose plans always work out. Mike's the only one who has never managed to land a punch/at least not managed to land a punch in the A plot of a season climax. Mike's the one whose emotions are a total mystery to the audience (outside of those who engage in intense rewatching and analysis to pick it apart lol). And… Mike’s the one who’s always depicted in a trio with El and Will (I know this is love triangle imagery, but it could potentially have a double meaning). - My point being-- if all of my previous reasoning/interpreting is accurate, then Mike is the only character who makes any sense in this role.

Also, just talking about logistics here-- in order to be comprehensible to audience members who are not about to sit down and rewatch the show a million times in order to pick up on subtle clues and hints, there are a few issues that are going to require a decent amount of screen time in order to explain/develop in s5. To my mind, (outside of ship dynamics) those are:

Where is Max? Why can't El find her?

What is Will's connection to the Upside Down? Did the Demogorgon really take Will in s1? Why is Henry/the Mind Flayer so focused on him?

Why is the Upside Down stuck in time/why and how did it start looking like Hawkins?

What the hell is going on in Mike Wheeler's head?

How will everybody react to the Upside Down and its monsters now that they're bound to start becoming common knowledge around Hawkins?

How are they going to deal with the military? What is going to happen to El if her location is compromised? How will this impact the fight against Henry/the Upside Down?

What is the relationship between Henry and the shadow monster/Mind Flayer? Is it possible for the gang to kill/destroy/incapacitate both? How will they do that?

My point is, there's one question on this list that doesn't seem to be connected into the Upside Down plot in any way-- and that's point 4. The question about Mike. Because realistically speaking, Stranger Things has a Mike Wheeler-shaped problem. He's a protagonist every season, and he's literally equally sharing the centre of the screen with Will in the final shot of s4, so if we're getting a Will Byers protagonist moment in s5, I think it's safe to suggest that we're also getting a Mike Wheeler protagonist moment.

But generally speaking, people don't want a Mike Wheeler protagonist moment, because people don't like him. And obviously that's because the underlying issues that he's going through have been hidden from plain view, but, like... you don't do that for no reason. Narratively speaking, you only do that if you're amping up for a big reveal.

And, yes. Mike and Will getting together would absolutely be a massive reveal and I can fully understand why they wouldn't want to spoil it... but. To get people to care about Mike again, and to believe that he "deserves" Will, they need to devote time and narrative space to explaining Mike's emotional state, both regarding his sexuality, and regarding whatever mental health issues he's struggling with. And they could have put more of this in s4! Mike and Will had FOUR heart to hearts, discounting the van scene. They very much could have had Mike express some of his (likely) experiences with depression and/or PTSD, without having to show their hand about his sexuality/feelings for Will. Doing so would have helped the audience have more sympathy for/understanding of Mike, AND would have significantly cut down on the ground they have to cover with his character in s5.

Because... they're going to need to take up a fair amount of time in s5 to show all of the stuff they need to cover with Mike if they actually are intending to follow through with him being queer and also, like, not beloathed by a large swath of the audience, they're going to need to connect his emotional issues to the Upside Down/A plot somehow. Which they can absolutely do! Henry's whole thing is perfect for that. And it worked with Max-- but there's a difference.

Because, with Max, her experiences with Henry/Vecna's curse were used to give the audience new information to help solve the mystery of the season. But we don't need that again. And... sure, Mike could get cursed/attacked and learn something useful in the fight against Henry, in addition to showcasing all the stuff that's going on inside his head, but given that Will's back in town and is already psychically linked with Henry/the Mind Flayer... I mean, it seems more natural to have that dynamic fall to Will?

This is a lot of talking, but my POINT is... they did not have to hold Mike's emotional state so close to their chests. Let's be real-- they could have at least started to outline the idea that Mike might be struggling with mental health issues, and nobody who isn't already reading the writing on the wall for Mike/Will would be jumping to assume it meant he was struggling with any gay feelings. Like, let's be absolutely real here: they could have had Mike outright say "I don't know, it's like you left and all of a sudden I didn't have the energy to do anything all I could do was sit around and miss you" to Will and people would have understood it as "ohhhh he was depressed because he missed El/has trauma about El disappearing on him/leaving him".

So, if we're reading Mike correctly-- if he's struggling with mental health issues and they're putting in all the little clues and hints to it that we're picking up on/that will be obvious on a rewatch after some huge reveal... then whatever he's going through has to tie into the supernatural plot in a big way. And, more than that, it needs to be linked to it in a way that is surprising enough/enough of a twist to warrant all this secrecy about it.

AND (and this is a hill I am prepared to die on)... Will and El are both main characters, but so is Mike. The plot would not have started without Will. The plot would not have started without El. But also... the plot would not have started without Mike. Without Mike things are totally different, because whoever found El instead would not have been the exact combination of nurturing and feral that made s1 Mike hide her in his basement/believe her the instant she implied she even maybe knew how to find Will. And that's just the first thing that he did which unquestionably pushed the plot in the direction it's going. There's a reason he shares centre screen with Will at the end of s4 (after El had her extended closeup because I'm sure she's going to continue having her protagonist moment in s5, AS SHE SHOULD). Mike isn't just a love interest. He's a protagonist in his own right-- this is his coming of age story, just as much as it is Will's and El's. And, while it's entirely possible that they might have a plan that includes him being the only one of the trio without any particular personal connection to the supernatural plot, I do think it's worth considering that, just as is the case for Will and El, it's at least possible that Mike might have a plotline outside of his romantic relationships, and that, as the third protagonist/third leg of the protagonist trio... it's at least possible that said plotline might have direct ties to the supernatural A plot.

(Also, yes, the ending shot does also suggest that Hop, Joyce, Nancy, and Jonathan are also protagonists for s5-- I feel like this tracks with their roles in s1, and I fully expect them to play major roles in s5, but if this is actually a coming of age story, then it's the Party who are, really, the ones spending this whole time coming of age. That's why I'm making the distinction.)

I bring all of this up, because I believe that it lends context to why I think it is possible that Eddie's Vecna actually references/foreshadows Mike, in particular's, s5 role.

Mike as Vecna

So, here's the thing. If Mike did create the Upside Down, or at least the shadow monster, then he (or at least his repressed emotions and/or dark thoughts) is an antagonistic force in the show. That doesn't mean he's bad or evil (Will was an antagonistic force in s2, and he's sort of the exact opposite of bad or evil). Meaning that it would make sense to foreshadow him as an antagonist, even if ultimately he is a protagonist/on the side of the rest of the gang.

Returning to what we know about Vecna from the show, I'd like to combine it with some of the common theories/ideas that I've seen floating around regarding Mike's potential plot/future in s5.

First of all, Eddie's Vecna is shown hiding among the cultists. Mike obviously doesn't have a cult, although, if he is (unintentionally) the cause of all the Upside Down business, he is hiding in plain sight, both to the other characters and to the audience.

^ Bringing back this screenshot for absolutely no reason at all

I would also point out that Mike is the only character, of the viable list (even expanded back out to include Will and El) of those who could even maybe have played the role in creating/influencing the Upside Down, who is also a member of the Hellfire Club. By which I mean, Mike might not actually be in a cult, but Hawkins at large sure thinks he is.

Now, obviously, Mike isn't dead/hasn't been killed by anybody. But everybody is always talking about all of he death flags around Mike coming into s5, and I, at least, am of the opinion that he can't die permanently (for the same reason that Will and El can't perma-die-- all of them are way too self-sacrificial and willing to throw their lives away for everyone else, so killing them would literally just be them... doing what they always do, which is not ideal for a death scene, especially in a show where the death of major characters is used as infrequently as it is in Stranger Things). If he dies and then comes back to life, or at least seems to have died, this might fulfill the "undead" requirement.

Obviously, how the issue of Kas would come up in this storyline, would be much more questionable than in Henry's. If I'm on the right track here, though, I wouldn't really expect us to know at this point, because it would likely come up in s5 anyway. What I will say is that, if I were to speculate about s5... since Mike is the leader of the Party, and Kas was Vecna's lieutenant, if this is the direction they're going, then I would expect one of the Party members (probably not Will or El because I have some... thoughts about them in the context of the Vecna analogy) to play the role. However, I really can't see any of them intentionally killing/betraying Mike, so my best guess is that if this is happening, it's going to be more a thing of Mike self-sacrificing/endangering himself in order to protect one of the Party members, rather than them intentionally/personally striking the blow. That's SUPER speculative, though, and not founded in very much except... Mike's character as a whole. Also, in D&D's lore, all that was left of Vecna after Kas had killed him, besides the Hand and the Eye, was a pile of ashes-- which fits really seamlessly into Mike's narration of his D&D character dying a fiery, self-sacrificial death at the end of Will's campaign.

Eddie's Vecna is a spellcaster/dark wizard, which are terms that would fit anyone, Mike included, in the scenario where they created/significantly influenced the Upside Down/shadow monster.

In terms of Mike's appearance, obviously he does not appear shrivelled and desiccated (though we'll have to see what s5 brings on that front), but I will note that there are a LOT of theories about Mike losing an arm and possibly an eye as well. Additionally, Mike's left eye, in particular, is often shrouded in shadow. I've already written a different post about that, so I won't go too into detail, but you can look at it here.

^ A sample of some of the left eye shadows

If the theories about Mike creating the Upside Down or at least the shadow monster are accurate, then that fulfills the D&D Vecna's backstory of having built a dark empire before his undeath.

In the context of Mike, I also think it's interesting that one of the things D&D's Vecna is known for is his "dark secrets". Like... I mean, we all know Mike is full of secrets. And it's very likely that they're "dark"-- not necessarily in the way that D&D Vecna's secrets are dark, but more so in the way of, like, mental health issues can be very dark when you're living through them. I mean... Max had "dark secrets" this season, too (though, obviously, totally different in nature and context than Mike's), but the narrative difference (outside of all the cool character stuff they were doing with Max-- this is not a Max post so I won't get too into it, but I just want to make it super clear that Max has a LOT of interesting stuff going on in s4 in her own right) is that those came to light, while Mike's stayed hidden.

Also... okay let me just put this here:

(Link to the site I got that from is in the Vecna in D&D section)

"The godlike supremacy they crave". Does that... not sound like Henry? I mentioned Henry turning into a Demogorgon back in the Henry as Vecna section of this post, but... I think I'm just saying that it could legitimately be happening? I don't know. Maybe I'm just being overly enticed by the idea of Henry's hubris making him believe that he's the one in control of the Upside Down/the shadow monster/Mind Flayer when, in reality, the truth is that he's simply blinded to what's happening to him by his own arrogance and ambition.

Anyway... finally, I'll point out that D&D's Vecna is also known for his "formidable temper". And, like... I just... okay, so a lot of characters in Stranger Things have tempers and anger issues. But the thing with Mike's is that it's portrayed... kind of differently? Like, if you push Jonathan or Steve hard enough on the right pressure points, they'll snap and physically fight you (we've seen it), and El's basically the same except that she generally has the psychic force to skip the fight and simply toss you aside like a ragdoll. If you push Will or Nancy or Hopper hard enough on the right pressure points, they'll get sarcastic and frustrated and snippy (and depending on who you are, Hopper and maybe also Nancy might also punch you lbr-- here's hoping for Nancy punching someone out in s5). But Mike?

a) Mike's kind of constantly on the verge of getting mad (except, typically, when he's alone with Will and usually also El pre-s4). He's annoyed by everything, prickly towards basically everyone unless he knows them very well, and easily upset if he doesn't get his way/doesn't feel consulted about what's happening. None of which erases his positive qualities, and all of which are explainable, but it's undeniable that there's an angry element to his character.

b) When Mike does actually get properly mad, he shoots to kill. "What is WRONG with you?" "It's not MY fault you don't like girls!" "She didn't LOOK fine...", like. Every season, he says something so harsh it leaves the other person/people speechless. And that's NOT to say that Mike's a bad kid. He's a child who has suffered a lot of trauma, and who was already prone to fits of annoyance before all the bad stuff started happening. Of course he lashes out. AND it does seem like he's making an attempt to improve especially as of s4 (probably because the rain fight really scared him tbh). I'm not saying he's bad, I'm just saying that one of his flaws, which he does seem to be working on, is that he has a tendency to get angry and say things that he might mean in the moment, but which are more hurtful than he wants them to be.

c) I find the scene where Mike breaks down in Hopper's arms in s2 incredibly telling. Obviously, this was Mike under extreme circumstances. I'm not suggesting that level of rage and pain is Mike's typical baseline level. But what I am saying is... that breakdown did not develop overnight. That was something Mike was building towards since s1e1. And then he lets it out with fists and screams and sobs. And then he boxes it away and gets back to plotting how to stop the Mind Flayer and save Will like nothing happened. And nobody brings it up ever again (I mean... let's be honest... the only person who WOULD 100% have brought it up later was passed out in a drug-induced nap at the time, so it's very likely that Will doesn't know about that breakdown... just like he probably doesn't know about the quarry). And just like every other character, Mike keeps getting traumatized on top of all the pain that caused that original breakdown. And...

I don't know. I guess I'm just saying that it's undeniable that Mike has a temper, though he's not the only character who does. And that Mike's inevitable s5 breakdown will probably involve rage as well as tears. Does Mike have a "formidable and hideous temper"? I don't know. I think that sort of depends on who is judging. I am pretty sure that Mike thinks he does, though.

And... lastly... this is just a parallel that I thought was interesting, which probably doesn't mean anything, probably it's just a coincidence, but I'm already deep enough into this analysis that I've lost my mind so...

^ s1 Mike covers his left eye while indicating/faking a headache

^ s4 Eddie covers his left eye with an upside down hand to mimic being Vecna

The Eye and Hand of Vecna in This Context

Something that has been bothering me is this:

Mike, Will, and El are obviously paralleled to two trios from other franchises, with Will and El, respectively, as the "head"/primary character in the trio.

They're paralleled to Harry/Ron/Hermione (no, I don't like talking about HP parallels very much because //gestures at everything about JKR with my very trans hands, but I don't think that discomfort on my end negates the obvious parallels), with Will generally functioning as Harry (although I'm aware that Will and Mike get the Ron/Hermione treatment in the airport), with everything to do with his connection with Henry.

They're also paralleled to Luke/Leia/Han, with El generally functioning as Luke.

So, the thing that has been bothering me is: if Mike is just as much a protagonist as Will and El are, and not just a romantic interest for the two of them, why isn't there also a trio in which Mike gets to play the leading role? And, uh... so... I have a thought about that, but it requires me to dig a bit deeper into the lore behind the artifacts left after Kas (nominally) killed Vecna in D&D lore: the Hand and the Eye.

The Hand of Vecna:

The Eye of Vecna:

(link to the site where I took these screenshots from is included in the section about Vecna in D&D)

So... if (and I'm very aware that it's a big if) Mike is going to turn out to have been foreshadowed by Eddie's Vecna, then I believe that this is the trio he's at the head of. Vecna/Eye of Vecna/Hand of Vecna, with El as the Hand and Will as the Eye.

I mean, the Hand's thing is strength (El's telekinesis lends strength to her/anybody she is helping use it for-- ie. flipping the car in s3, where flipping it back over requires multiple people and Mike's lever system). It improves attacks during combat (again... El's telekinesis sort of makes her the gang's heavy hitter). It can apparently also freeze creatures (we see El do this at least twice in s1-- she freezes Troy in place after he tries to attack Mike, and freezes the Demogorgon in place when it's trying to attack the Party). And it can be used to cast a number of different spells including Teleport (El can't exactly teleport, but she can use the mind void to travel anywhere a given person is in her mind) and some necromantic spells.

Interestingly, although they're not spells the Hand can provide according to screenshot above, bringing back the dead, like El does to Max at the end of s4, can be done using a necromantic spell in D&D.

And the Eye... I mean. Truesight is right there. But in general, it's a lot about being able to see through just about everything (including time, which is pretty interesting), with fits pretty well with Will as the spy/Will as the sensor of all things Upside Down. The spells it can cast are pretty interesting as well, and do make me wonder if the fact that Will was (or possibly still ever so slightly is?) part of the hivemind might give him some ability to control what the hivemind does? I don't know, but it's a thought.

Also, the effect of using the Eye is really interesting, given the fact that Will was infected by the shadow monster/Mind Flayer right at the moment when he tried to order it to "go away" (failed Dominate Monster?), and then the whole possession got worse/his soul was almost consumed leaving him essentially a puppet under the control of the shadow monster/Mind Flayer after he attempted to spy back (possibly failed Clairvoyance?). Also, fun fact: Disintegrate causes a "thin green ray" to "spring from your finger" in order to turn a target to dust. I can't help but think about Will the Wise's green fireballs.

I don't know… I just think the parallels are worth thinking about.

To be 100% clear, I'm not saying that Will and El's powers/abilities come from Mike (just like in the HP parallel, Will paralleling Harry/the Chosen One doesn't take away from El or Mike's positions as co-protagonists with him, or in the SW parallel, El paralleling Luke doesn't mean that she's the only protagonist/Chosen One in ST). Nor am I suggesting that Mike in any way owns Will or El. I'm only pointing out that there are some striking similarities between their powers/experiences and the effects of Hand and Eye in D&D, so if the theories about Mike creating the Upside Down/shadow monster are correct, then... those similarities are interesting.

(But, hey, I mean, fun fact-- if this is actually the intended read, then all three are paralleling powerful wizards in popular culture, which is fun.)

Also also... something I've always found super weird is that Will's eyes go brown when he's possessed, never black. Which... is odd, because black is traditional for possessions, and it would look more unnatural, it would align more with the shadow monster's colours, and it would be a really clear signal to the audience that there's something wrong with the colour of his eyes because as it stands, unless you already know that Will has hazel eyes, nothing seems off (especially because the characters never mention the change either). I mean, the shadow monster is black/dark grey. Henry's eyes are blue and never go darker than that. But Mike's eyes are just about that same shade of brown that Will's were when they were at their darkest...

I mean, if nothing else, Mike as Vecna and Will and El as the Eye and Hand would explain why Mike keeps losing (being cut off from) both of them.

And, I mean... we all know Will tends to hang out on Mike's left, but so does El (it's just less obvious with El, because she also has a motif of facing Mike head on). Largely (though not always-- if there's a true pattern, I can't tell what it is), when they're not in this alignment is when they're disagreeing/not on the same page/not pretending to be on the same page with Mike. I mean... you know. Something something, Vecna's left hand and left eye?

No, Seriously, Will and El are So Often on Mike's Left

^ Just a sample of the relevant shots

The Good News

Now that I've gotten through all of this, I do want to say that, even if Eddie's Vecna is foreshadowing something about Mike's role in the supernatural plot of s5, I don't believe they're setting him up to be a true villain. Like... if Mike did actually create the Upside Down/the shadow monster/in some way impact them, I very much do not believe that he is aware of it as of s4, nor do I believe that he would ever intentionally hurt any of the people that the Upside Down has tormented all these years. Well, except himself [gunshot]

Obviously he would be absolutely ripped open if he learned any of what happened was in any way his fault. He'd be absolutely gutted. If you're a "Mike needs to have a sobbing, screaming breakdown in s5" kind of person, man would you get your wish and then some.

My point is, even if they're setting up a twist where Mike('s repressed emotions) have been an antagonistic force all along, I very much do not believe that Mike is being set up as an antagonist, in his own right.

This is where I'm going to bring it back to the fact that we don't actually know what Dustin or Erica were rolling to do. Most likely, in the game itself, they were rolling for various attacks. But we don't hear that. And we don't actually hear Eddie ever say that Vecna was killed, it's just implied from the context of the scene. Which to me means that the ending is not set in even analogous stone. If Vecna does foreshadow Mike's role in the supernatural plot, then all we know is that an Eleven alone can't defeat/solve whatever's going wrong with him, but a twenty (whatever is defined as a twenty) can.

By which I mean, I don't think Mike has to die in the end in order to fit with the analogy.

Also! I think it's really important that Eddie's D&D session is the only one that we see Mike participating in, where he doesn't do any active narrating. Obviously he narrates for the Demogorgon and Thessalhydra campaigns. However, he also takes over narrating for Will's campaign, when he decides to light a fire and sacrifice himself to destroy the Juju hoard.

In Eddie's campaign, though, he follows along. His PC 0's out (which could reference a future physical injury, or an inability on his part to keep fighting for some other reason), and they call a time out to discuss. During that conversation, Dustin specifically asks Mike for his opinion on what they should do (which I have some Thoughts about in the broader context of Dustin's characterization in s4, but those are so wildly outside the bounds of this post-- I'll make a different post later), and Mike really does act like a good leader. He asks Dustin and Erica for context on their HP, and assesses that if they keep fighting it will be difficult, but in the end he tells them that the call is up to them, because their characters are the only ones left on the battle field. That's all he says about the game. And I think the fact that all he says is that the fight will be "difficult" is really good news, because it means that the ending is more open.

Finally, it's possible that if Mike is actually the person being foreshadowed by the use of Vecna in Eddie's campaign, and if Will and El are intentionally paralleled to the Eye and the Hand respectively, then Mike's lost hand/eye signals may not necessarily literally mean that he's going to lose his body parts, but rather that he's going to lose or feel like he's lost both Will and El one more time before everything is over.

The Bad News

IF any of this is correct-- specifically, IF Mike did create the shadow monster or the Upside Down or even just influenced it in some way... even if Henry was somehow exercising power over it to make it more dangerous than necessary... I'm just not convinced that everybody would be able to forgive him.

I mean... Will, obviously would. That's kind of a foregone conclusion, especially since at least in the scenario I'm speculating about, none of what happened would be anything Mike knew he was in any way complicit in until after the fact.

I also think El would probably be able to understand pretty quickly given that she knows what it's like to do something without knowing you can do it, and to have to come to terms with the fact that others have suffered as a result. That being said, if we DO get Mike in the scenario I've been outlining, and then we DON'T get a parallel to the s1 "I'm the monster" "no you're not the monster-- you saved me" scene, except with Mike saying that he's the monster, and El assuring him that he's not because there's no such thing as being a monster or a superhero, but he was her first ever friend so she could never consider him a monster? I'll sue.

A lot of the others I'm way more up in the air about, because I really think it would come down to a lot of context in how it was portrayed, whether the others could manage to get into a somewhat normal groove with him ever again (though I highly doubt they'd have the Party end the show broken up, so I suspect they, at least, would find a way to come to terms with what happened).

But really... it's Nancy that concerns me? In literally any scenario where Mike might have had ANYTHING to do with the Upside Down in any capacity outside of what we've explicitly seen in the show. Whether he knew what he was doing or not. Whether Henry was the one orchestrating things in s1-s4/presumably at least early s5 or not. I just...

I can see a path where she could forgive him, right? Though I'm really worried that's a path where she would forgive him and take all that blame and put it onto herself because he was he little brother and she didn't notice.

But I just... I don't know.

I just know how horribly she's raked herself over the coals over Barb's death ever since s1, and I just worry about whether she would be able to accept that, in the scenario I've been outlining, Mike didn't actually mean to do anything/couldn't actually have stopped it because he didn't know it was happening. Because I suspect that in order for Nancy to get to that place, she'd have to confront the fact that SHE isn't at fault for what happened to Barb, either. That she did not do anything wrong (at least, not wrong enough that she deserves to be still agonizing over it four years later) by telling Barb to go home that night. That there was no way Nancy could have known that something bad was happening to Barb, and that the fact that she didn't stop what was happening BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS ANYTHING FOR HER TO STOP, doesn't mean she's in any way at fault.

And... I REALLY hope we're going to get to see Nancy confronting that head on in s5. But it just.... concerns me in the context of these theories about Mike's potential supernatural role.

#mike wheeler #byler #my analysis #I feel like there HAS to be a tag for all this Mike-and-the-Upside-Down stuff?#but I legitimately don't know what it is #long post #<- as always //sigh #I don't know what brevity is I guess #also #if Mike DOES have literally any sort of supernatural abilities #I fully believe that Karen knows/suspects somehow #100% because of that super coded “I never want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me” conversation #which YEAH does read like she's encouraging him that he can tell her if he's queer #but like #I've always thought she picked a SUPER weird time to have that conversation??#“oh your best friend who I suspect you might have feelings for is missing? Okay well just so you know it's okay if you're gay”#like #just a really weird time when Mike isn't even a little volunteering that info #but if she knew somehow that Mike had supernatural abilities + knew somehow that something supernaturally fishy had gone down with Will #I feel like yeah no that would be the exact RIGHT time to try and assure him he could tell her “anything” lol #which now I'm thinking about this the context of Troy's “killed by some other queer” comment #idk idk idk I'm just thinking thoughts at this point

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nerice · 11 months

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So what is court of the dragon about?

!!!!!!!!!!!!! court of the dragon is the noah/damia dynamic tag!! as well as refers to their death match at the end of dream game >:3!!

wanted to draw fresh art for the occasion but i'm low on wrist stamina so oc site icons are all i got ;w; the title is pulled from this trivium song which i am profoundly normal abt,,,,,

in spite of all the hate behind these eyes, i've seen that only one of us survives; i'm here to destroy you, i'm here to avenge, in the court of the dragon i descend....

^yeah. _(:3」∠)_

the tl;dr is that together they make up the true ruler of issei (a world that's 80% ocean) and they're stuck in their underwater lair bc they are not immortal enough to brave the water pressure. reina offered to bestow portal powers onto one of them, in exchange for aiding her in the war against azra. damia refused to condemn noah to a solitary life at the bottom of the ocean; noah accepted :) fwiw he had good intentions, utilizing their bond (bone rings forged from each other's ribs, which lets them see through the other's eyes) to show damia the outside world they always dreamed of !

oh also points of clarification, noah's natural form is that of a black dragon (he only gains a human form as another favor from reina after the war) and damia's pronouns are whatever/works. ww

noah genuinely planned on returning 2 damia after the war, but he keeps finding excuses (mastering a human form, hunting down maheloas, settling the score with garvith, being leah's bodyguard, atoning for displacing lucie into another world (issei, no less) chaperoning linn) a million sidetracks until the weight of responsibility and guilt slowly breaks him </3 and by the time he n damia reunite in dream game they are both changed beyond recognition in their own respective ways. (damia, for their part, LOATHES noah's human form bc without meaning to he made it to resemble damia's original body which damia spent centuries ship-of-theuseus'ing himself out of) + ofc never having forgiven noah for leaving, but also taking him back without question or judgment <3 complicated.

Court of the Dragon proper is their final endgame, after noah loses his human form when reina turns statue & damia bars the rest of the main group's way into the 3rd world cycle, meaning to chain them to dead world space alongside herself. ((taking linnea out in one shot, just btw. ask me abt vengeful girls trio next ;3c)) which ends in noah+damia having a grand showdown inside their lair [ open mouth / swallowing the king / gods devoured whole / light extinguishing.... ] and that's the end of it. or is it? >:^)

& ANWY THE REASON. why that cap is so funny for them is that damia, at the end of the day, is such a sensitive little bastard i love tagging them in shoujo caps. all he wants is to be with noah (more complicated than romance, though kissing is a great way to establish dominance. lol <3) they're extremely messy and complicated and full of hypocrisy! noah is even more annoying than jumie when it comes to loyalty concepts & damia knows exactly what she wants except she doesn't ww

#skipped over so many cute details but still it's LONG argh #another fun angle here is. reina [asshole immortal era] was always going to choose noah in that deal anyway. damia was doomed from the star #& for brevity's sake ive completely omitted damia's lil revenge game @ reina here (almost killing jumie. almost) <3 sexy #also while faye would love the way damia takes out linn. damia also kills belle in some timelines (to hurt jumie) which is not bueno wwww #1001 THINGS TO SAY I HAVENT EVEN MENTIONED THE BEAST CONTROL OR WHALE FALL SKIN GRAFTS OR THE FLUTE OR THE BODY SWITCH YET #AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE POLYCULE #damia is my favourite oc tm <333333333 he's got the range <3 #askbox #anonbox #oc asks #YOU are my new best friend btw. anxiety can't touch me when i'm high on oc spams!! w

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allisonreader · 4 months

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I find it so annoying at this point when I dream about my old childhood crush at this point. Like I don’t even want to go into details about the dream because it made me uncomfortable with what I had dreamt. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since we graduated. I don’t have him on any social media, but he still occasionally slips into my dreams. And it seems particularly after I’ve talked with my boyfriend that it happens.

#i have weird dreams #I'm going to put the bulk of the dream details into the tags because I don’t feel comfortable with them in the body of the post #the dream started off with a competition #where there was icing cakes and before judging began I was trying to finish sewing a zipper into a jacket #for another competitor/friend/someone trying to flirt with me not fully sure about that one #while I was trying to do that my different cakes and products that were supposed to be judged were misplaced #eventually they were found and judged #I couldn’t tell you the end results because after they were judged #I went back to the main group who were all talking about multiplication #particularly that 7 x 5 is 35 and any other answer is wrong #I assumed this discussion had come about while talking about the weather F/C divide #anyways it was at this point that childhood crush entered #let’s call childhood crush Tom for brevity #so somehow Tom was now here and I agreed to go for a drive with him #which essentially ended up with me cuddling against him as he drived #he told me that it was the most comfortable he had been in a long time #which just made me cuddle more #we drove past a stadium that made no sense because a whole bunch of the seats were unusable because you couldn’t see anything from them #we got to this insane overpass thing with multiple lanes stacked on top of each other and told me he was trying to get us to this neat aq #aquarium but was fully sure how to get there #the two sides actually had different paintings on the ground and one of them was of fish so I suggested that one #somehow we both ended up out of the car and going through this slide type of maze to try and get to the aquarium #we were stopped upon trying to figure out the bathing suit machine that was on the way in #it was designed to put you into a bathing suit without you having to do anything #I found that it didn’t work very well but I did get a bathing suit put on #Tom couldn’t #and then we were told off about trying to use the machine when it seemed like you had to #to be able to continue onto the next step to actually get to the aquarium #and that’s sort of where the dream ended #there were more details that I skipped as always

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nickfowlerrr · 4 months

Text

sit me on your throne.

pairing: geralt of rivia x curvy!reader

warnings: i don't know what i'm writing about but if you're here for smut, there's smut. 18+ only. probably ooc - i've only seen season one. if i'm missing something that needs to be tagged please let me know.

words: 4.3k

notes: i really truly do not know. forgive me not.

thank you in advance for reading! any thoughts, comments, and reblogs are so appreciated. let me know what you think. (unless its mean then pls don't).

"You kneel before me?"

Your question is born of nothing but pure confusion as you tilt your head in bemusement at the bulking behemoth of a man before you.

He hadn’t done as much when he first arrived, not to your displeasure, so it was odd to see him do it now - especially after the battle he has just fought.

He is at your feet, his long white hair darker and dingier now, dirty as his clothes and skin; marred with caked mud and what you can only assume is the blood and guts of the beast he has defeated.

The stench he carries with him is pungent, nothing but putrid, and yet that somehow doesn't take from his striking good looks; those paired with his brevity and bluntness have held your attention from the moment he stepped foot in your kingdom.

He is a man of little words, this Geralt of Rivia. His jester of a companion having done much of the speaking - perhaps too much - for him since they arrived.

Geralt says nothing still, only meets your gaze as he takes steady breaths. His yellow eyes, feline and harsh, cut through you in a number of ways - none of which you'd care to share aloud. You have a feeling he knows, however, just how affected you are by him no matter how well you think you hide it.

You are alone together, no guards at the ready, no advisors by your side. Most of your kingdom is now quiet and abandoned, including the halls of your once flourishing and lively home. The halls of this castle have been eerily silent since the night your men went on their mission to save their homestead. You had already sent word for The Witcher, you implored them to keep safe indoors until his arrival. They did not listen. Most of them still having seen you as the young princess you once were, the others simply following the orders of their leaders. You may have been their "Queen", but their faith in their commanders was stronger.

Those commanders who led them to their deaths... You still sigh at the loss.

Those who were not taken, slain, by the beast have long since fled for their lives. You cannot blame them. But you certainly could not join them. Your castle once held many souls, but now it is only you and a handful of others. Titles of servants, but you really never were one for titles.

"Your friend?" you wonder.

"Somewhere," he answers shortly, his voice low and deep as he speaks.

You quirk a brow, "Safe?"

"For as long as he keeps himself from trouble."

You hum, a hint of a smile pulling at the corner of your lips. Their relationship amuses you, you must admit.

"You needn't kneel, Witcher," you implore as you sit back on the throne. It is yours in name alone. It has never felt right to sit in. He seems to sense your unease, but he doesn't speak it. You continue, "You have done what you said you would, I will do the same."

Still, he doesn't stand. Not until you flick your eyes and move to stand yourself. He rises easily as he stands before you still. There is not much distance between you, and the stench of him stings your eyes and threatens to gag you. Your face scrunches in disgust as you turn it away from him, grimacing.

"I've had a bath readied for you, and new clothes set aside," you inform him, moving to pass around. He follows you, and you can feel the weight of his gaze as his eyes cling to you. "Your meals will be served as soon as you're done. I don't imagine anyone would be able to stomach a bite with that smell coming off of you."

He says nothing but lets out an amused "hm" at your words, still following as you lead him to the bathing room.

You thank Amaleah as you enter and she leaves with a nod to you, her breath catching when she smells Geralt enter behind you. It's as fast an exit as you've ever seen.

You move toward the bath and wade a hand in the water. It's a bit hot for your preferences but it should get him clean. You ensure the soap Amaleah brought in is fragrant enough and still look for some nicer oils to add to the water; when you turn around to ask your guest his want, you find yourself stunned silent as you're met with the sight of his broad, bare chest. His muscles flex under his pale and scarred skin as he moves, his solid chest is covered in dark hair, trailing down his torso. His arms are strong and big and a thought at the back of your mind wonders how comfortable he must be to lie with.

You blink, mouth parted slightly as you take a breath. You watch his clothing fall as he discards them and your gaze follows his hand as he begins to strip himself of the rest of his garments.

He is completely shameless as he watches you watch him. You feel as if you are in a trance, you cannot bring yourself to look away despite the heavy weight of his gaze assuring you he sees you staring.

It’s not an act of brazenness, truly you would look away and leave him at once…if you could.

“I’ve slain your monster,” he speaks and your eyes rise back to his chest, trying to ignore the heaviness of his thick cock as it hangs so temptingly before you. No, not temptingly…Shamelessly. He has put himself entirely on display before you, without an ounce of shame or concern, and you are still frozen to your spot. “Was there something else you required of me, Your Highness?”

The title gets your attention, the breath caught in your chest finally flows and your eyes flick up to meet his. You can't tell entirely if he meant it as an insult or if he thought you'd prefer it to Queen.

You remain quiet for a moment as you try to gather a response. Either way...

“I told you that wasn’t necessary, Witcher.”

“Geralt.”

You swallow hard as he takes a small step forward, and you will yourself to not break his intense gaze.

"Geralt. I thank you, for saving what was left of this ruined kingdom, but I consider myself not princess, nor Queen, any longer."

"Did you ever?" he asks, staring into your eyes a moment longer before he steps closer still, looking you up and down then nudging you aside, eliciting goosebumps along your skin, rising under his touch.

You glance over your shoulder as he continues past you, lowering himself into the tub.

You think.

You know your answer, but you won't say it aloud. Clearly he knows it, too.

You can hear the water sloshing with his movements as he begins to clean himself.

You take a deep breath.

"The clothes will be brought in shortly. You might tell Jaskier when you're done that the food is ready."

"Ah," he says amid his washing, "so you do know his name."

"Of course I do. I've grown quite fond of the bard in the week since you've arrived."

"I couldn't tell," he says plainly, yet still biting - his words sharp with sarcasm.

You furrow your brow at his meaning and then there's a laugh at the door and you look to see Jaskier as he leans on it. "You sound jealous, there, Geralt," he taunts, holding folded clothing in his hands as he pushes off the door to saunter in. "I wouldn't worry. I don't believe I'm the one who's caught her eye." He looks to you with a smirk, bowing before you, "Your Majesty."

"I am no longer queen," you repeat for what feels like the hundredth time.

"My Queen, none the less," he simpers before standing to his full height.

You smile tightly, eyes narrowed playfully at him before you finally move to exit, leaving them to their inevitable quarreling. And trying not to focus on the tingling still affecting you between your legs.

You eat with the women in the kitchen; the dining hall one of your least favorite places to be.

There is a calm yet solemn energy around you all. A peace in the slaying of the monster who took your kingdom, and still the grief from the loss of it all, your people, their families, friends...

Calliope readies the plates for your guests as you bid them all a goodnight, kissing Amaleah's son on his head on your way out with a 'sweet dreams'. Since his father was killed, the poor thing has nightmares recurringly. You only hope with the monster's demise, they might ease for him some. He is far too young to be in such pain...

You think to pass by the dining hall on your way to bed to thank Geralt once more and wish them both a goodnight as well but think better of it.

You will see them in the morning before they set off. You still owe him his coin and you know he won't be leaving without it.

You open the heavy door of your chamber and once you are inside, begin to undress.

Slipping into your shift, you swiftly make your way into bed. You thought you'd fall asleep quickly, but as you lay there, your mind wanders to thoughts of only one.

You have one hand on your lower belly, the other resting on the soft skin right above it.

You sigh and close your eyes, but all you see when you do is his built form. His dark, firelight stare set on you. His clothes left on the ground as he stands strong in his glory.

You breathe deeply, your hand starting to slowly drift down your stomach as you tickle yourself. You're so tempted to touch where you want it most, but you can't bring yourself to do it. Not just yet.

You slip your hand between your spread thighs, softly running your fingers across the sensitive skin you find there.

It'd been a week of torment, having Geralt so close and not being able to act on your most base feelings. You know he knows what you think when you look at him, if Jaskier can see it, surely, he can too.

You might feel embarrassed but with the way he's managed to get closer and closer to you with each passing day as he awaited the beasts' return, you would wager he feels similarly.

It feels like an age that you lie awake. All the noises about the castle, not that there were many, have settled and it assures you everyone has retired for the night.

Sleep begins to nip at you but the stronger pull is to the dissatisfaction that weighs on you. The emptiness that echos through your body and soul.

Your fingers twitch, and you begin to glide closer to your uncovered core, the need to be touch too much to be ignored for much longer. Your eyes are closed and you imagine it isn't your hand running over your skin, but rather his large, rough palm feeling you, teasing you just so...

Just as you inch closer, your eyes snap open in the dark as a heartbreaking scream cuts through the night air. You sit up, pulling your hands off of yourself. You know immediately where the sound comes from and who it belongs to.

You get out of bed, intent to make sure Hartley and Amaleah both are okay.

You open your door just as the one across the wide hall does the same. You frighten at the unexpected movement but are then unsurprised to be across Geralt.

He is shirtless again, and his eyes are wide as his chest rises and falls with his heavy breaths.

"Are you alright?" he asks, voice hard.

"Yes, I'm fine. It was the boy, Hartley. He has nightmares," you explain, keeping your voice quiet as to not disturb the renewed peace of the night.

The flick of the flame that lights the hallway allows you both to see one another. You say nothing for a moment as your eyes fall to his bare torso.

"Did the clothes not fit?"

He looks down at himself briefly, then back to you. He shakes his head, "I prefer to sleep naked."

You burn at his words, swallowing hard. "Oh. Well, I- I'm going to check on them, make sure they're fine."

"I'll go with you."

It's not a question, it's a statement. You stop in your start, turning to look at him. You say nothing, just blink and quickly carry on as you were.

You make your way down the stairs and down the hall until you see the flames licking at the end of the hallway.

You follow the glow to Amaleah's room and knock gently as you look in the open door.

She turns and looks to you, her eyes tired and cheeks damp as she rocks her toddler in her arms. He is sleeping again as she rubs his back gently, more to soothe herself than anything.

She sniffles, "Your High-" she stops herself, "sorry, forgive me," she whispers.

"Don't apologize. Please," you implore her. "I know it's habit."

"Are you two alright?" Geralt asks from right at your back.

"We are, thank you. Just another nightmare," her voice gets thick at the explanation. You know it hurts her that there isn't anything she can do but be there to comfort him when they come.

You smile sadly and nod. "We'll let you be, then. Do try to get some rest. He'll be okay," you reassure her.

You pull the door nearly closed and wind up with Geralt firmly at your back.

You turn into him but he doesn't seem to mind as he just looks down at you nearly pressed against his chest. You try to budge him to turn and move back down the hall but he doesn't waver. After a second, he relents and steps to the side, allowing you to go back down the hallway first.

It isn't until you come up on the throne room that Geralt speaks again.

"Might I have a word with you?" he asks.

You stop and turn to eye him as he stands at the entryway of the door.

"Now?" you question.

He nods once, "Now."

You approach him trepidatiously, and as you near, he gestures you in the room before him, extending his arm, "Princess."

Your eyes narrow again. And you turn on him, watching as he enters the room behind you. "Why do you keep doing that?"

"What am I doing?"

"Princess? Your Highness?" you quote him.

"I assumed you preferred it to your true title," he tilts his head at you.

"True title," you scoff, rolling your eyes. "I prefer no title at all."

"And what shall I call you then?"

You remind him your name, not that he really needs to be reminded. You know he knows it full well.

He considers you, then closes in on where you stand in front of the throne.

You don't move back, no, you quite like the closeness when he doesn't reek of death and innards.

Geralt seems to appreciate your resolve, his lips twitching with the beginnings of a smile as he studies your face.

"It's a beautiful name," he speaks lowly, taking another step into your space and raising his hand to gently caress your cheek before he leans in to speak against your ear. Your hands touch his solid stomach in an attempt to keep yourself upright, you can feel the muscles as they flex under your delicate graze. "I think I might prefer princess," he husks.

He slips away from you, turning to take a seat on the throne instead. You follow his movements and turn yourself to face him. You're stunned and completely set ablaze all at once.

"Well I don't."

"No," he smirks, agreeing with you, one large hand settling on his thick thigh as he spreads his legs, "you don't."

"It's too bad," he tsks, his voice a smooth rumbling. "No title, no throne."

"I don't want any throne."

Your eyes are glued to his thighs as he brings attention to his lap by rubbing the muscle there.

"None?" he asks before his gaze shifts directly on you, his mesmerizing stare burning into you. His voice lowers deeper than you've ever heard as a desperate longing shoots through you once again, resounding deep in your core. "Not even mine?"

Your mouth goes dry and your brain fuzzy as you take in his meaning.

Unthinking, you step toward him closer.

"You mean to defile the very one you sit on?"

"You don't seem to care for it much anyway."

Another step.

You are nearly stood between his spread legs, carefully you reach out a hand, your fingers light on his thigh. You feel his muscle then, flicking your eyes up. His gaze is dark and heated.

"That's true enough," you say, your voice breathy in a near whisper.

You gasp as your suddenly pulled closer by Geralt's rough hands around your waist. You can feel him through the thin fabric of your shift and its only then you realize how much of your figure he has seen thanks to your nightwear.

"Truer still," he speaks, "I don't mean to defile this throne." He squeezes your plush waist, groping you through your shift as your hands latch onto his solid shoulders. "I mean to defile you."

He manages to pull you onto his lap with little effort, leaning in to crash his lips into yours.

You kiss him back hungrily, chasing his lips as you settle on his lap. Your fingers wind in his hair and you can feel his cock growing beneath you through the material of his pants.

His hands slide down your waist and over your wide hips, reaching for the hem of your shift and pulling it up. His tongue slips past your lips and you moan, shifting your hips atop him.

You pull away, reaching for your dress and pulling it over your head, discarding it behind your back.

Geralt holds you closer, letting his lips explore your heavy breasts as you allow your head to fall back in pleasure, your hands returning to his hair.

"Geralt," you breathe, pulling him off you after a moment.

"Mm," he hums, kissing the swell of your breast once more before he moves to free himself from the restraint of his pants. He knows what you’ve both been wanting for days. What you need.

One heavy hand returns to your back, holding you by your waist while his other grips his red, throbbing cock.

He moves his tip up and down your slick center, making you whimper as he teases you - his cockhead rubbing delightfully against your sensitive clit.

He watches your face scrunch in rapture and holds you tighter to stop your wiggling about as you whimper.

He smiles smugly to himself and when you're just about to open your mouth to protest his teasing, he finally pulls you down on top of him. The sound that escapes you is music to his ears as you grasp onto him, your nails digging into the muscle of his back as your walls squeeze and stretch to accommodate his thick length, the size of him almost too much for you to take.

"Fuck," he groans as your walls tighten around him. He gives you a moment before he begins to urge you to move. He guides your hips, slow and sensually. The feeling of his hands on you motivates you to try and ride him yourself. And you do try, but you cry out again at how big he is, how fully he is stuffing you. You can barely move.

Geralt kisses you as he holds you closer, taking pity on your tight cunt and instead he moves his hands to your soft hips again. He holds you on top of him securely before he begins to fuck up into you.

You mewl as he jostles you, bouncing you up and down his cock, your breasts moving in time.

You pull on his hair, forcing him to look up from where his gaze was fixed, watching his own cock as he stretched you out for him, watching as your cunt took as much of him in as she could, up to your hooded lust filled gaze. You lean into him, chest to chest as you kiss him fervently. His lips follow yours as you taste one another. You nip at his lip and he growls, his hands gripping the ample flesh of your ass, "Keep that up," he snarls.

"And you'll what?" you breathe heavily, eyes screwed shut, jaw tight as you deadbrain on the pleasure coursing through you.

Your answer is a harsh thrust of his cock inside of you, stealing your breath while he slaps your ass, your flesh stinging from the force.

"Oh, fuck," you whimper debauchedly, your velvety walls squeezing him ever tighter as you feel yourself growing closer with every bounce. The tip of him hitting exactly where you need it to. Your body is on fire and you are loving every second of it. The feeling of him inside of you, of his hands squeezing and caressing you everywhere he can, of his lips demanding yours for more.

His grunts are growing louder and his thrusts more powerful, you kiss him hard in an effort to quiet him some, but you can feel what is coming.

Geralt is near slamming you down on top of him, the sound of your ass slapping against his thick thighs mix with the salacious sounds coming from you both and of your slick wetness as you're worked up and down his shaft, your cunt taking him better and better with each thrust.

Your hands move to hold his face, your noses brush as you breathe each other's air, lips touching just slightly.

"Geralt, I'm,"

"I know," he pants harshly, concentrated before taking your lips in his. You whimper pathetically as the coil in your belly winds tighter and tighter. He keeps you moving a top him, your clit being stimulated with every brush of your hips over his, and then with another deep thrust it snaps before you can speak. Your voice is an empty high then silent squeak as your legs tremble and your eyes roll back. Are you even breathing? Your walls clench down on Geralt's cock and he finally allows himself to reach his own high as your tight walls flutter around him, squeezing him perfectly. You ride the waves of ecstasy as his come spills inside of you. You feel him shudder beneath you and it only adds to your feeling of weightlessness, stars in your eyes as you feel, think, breathe nothing but him.

You part from his lips and your bodies are slick with sweat as you both pant heavily. Geralt holds you to him as he softens inside of you, his forehead pressed to yours as your hand comes behind his neck, holding him to you in kind.

Your lips mimic a kiss but neither of you lean in close enough to actually do it. You work to catch your breath and settle for a minute before you finally break the quiet.

"Do I still owe you your coin?" you breathe, smiling when Geralt laughs in your face. You reach to move a stray strand of hair from his face, holding his cheek gently once you do.

Your stare into one another's eyes for a long moment, just breathing and being close.

"Where will you be off to in the morning?" you ask, hoping your solemn tone isn't as audible as it sounded to you.

"Don't know," he shakes his head, eyes straying to your lips.

You take a breath and pull his face closer to kiss him softly.

"I envy you, you know."

"Don't."

You huff a humorless laugh, readjusting yourself on his lap. "Not because you're a witcher. You may not have the most enviable life, but at least you have one. I've never made it past the most exterior gates," you smile sadly, playing with the hairs on his chest as you avoid his eye now.

"I suppose I'll have the chance, now, though. Thanks to you."

"And where will you go?" he asks.

Your gaze floats up to his and you repeat his previous answer. "I don't know. But I won't stay here. This kingdom is..." you shake your head. "I don't belong here. Never felt like I did. But I made a promise to my mother when I was young, and another to my father before he passed. I know I've let them down," you swallow the rise of emotion threatening to overcome you, "but alas, the fall of a kingdom is ever inevitable. Especially under such rule as my own."

"I've heard word of your rule from many. You're known to be kind. Caring. Protective, even. I don't believe you've failed. I think you were exactly the kind of ruler you should have been, who you needed to be. But perhaps it's a good thing you won't be forced any longer into holding power you don't desire. You're now free to do as you wish."

"I am," you nod lightly in agreement. "If only I knew where to start,” you muse with an uneasy laugh.

His hand runs up your back comfortingly; he's pensive, deep in thought for a long moment before he speaks.

"If you ready your things, I don't think Roach would mind a travel companion of her own. She seems to have taken to Belfast… I'm not sure she'd be ready to part with him so soon, anyway."

"Is that so?" you ask him, faux curiosity playing in your voice.

"And Jaskier is easier to take when I'm not the only one he has around to bother."

"Right," you nod, fighting your soft smile.

"And of course your coin would be useful as well."

"Of course," you exaggerate your agreement. "…Geralt, are you getting at something here?"

"Just that, if you want to join us…you might."

You lean into him again, thumb rubbing along his stubble lining his cheek, and this time he kisses you first. More gently than you expect. You can’t help your smile now.

You part lightly and breathe,

"I hope you mean that, Witcher. Because I just might."

#geralt x curvy!reader #geralt of rivia x reader #geralt x reader #geralt of rivia x curvy!reader #geralt of rivia smut #geralt x you #geralt x y/n #geralt of rivia x y/n #geralt of rivia x you #geralt smut #geralt fanfic #henry cavill characters

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the-jade-palace · 1 year

Text

Fin Fin on QEMU (Current Version - v2.2)

Fin Fin on QEMU is a project designed to create an easy to use way for anyone to play Fin Fin without the need for any complicated setup on modern operating systems. It is fully compatible with Windows 10 and 11, but will also work on any version after XP.

The version of the game used is a custom made translation that includes all 6 worlds in English. It has working microphone input, sound recording, and all associated features such as screenshots and the encyclopedia work as well.

Rather than using virtualization, this works through emulating an entire Windows 98 machine. To play it there's no need to install any hypervisors or set up a virtual machine, as everything is already set up, and ready to go.

The download link can be found here! (Hosted on MEGA)

Installation

The whole thing is portable, meaning nothing is actually "installed" and all the data is wherever you place the folder. This also means that if moved to another PC, all user data will still be present.

To run, all you need to do is extract the folder in the .zip to a location of your choosing, and then run one of the launchers.

Included are two launcher versions for the different QEMU display options, one that uses GTK and one that uses SDL. The only difference between the .bat script and the .exe versions is that a command window will be shown when using the .bat script.

Both have pros and cons, so I've included both to let the user decide which one they want to use.

SDL has broken window scaling and no mouse integration, but has a correctly stretched fullscreen. GTK has a stretched fullscreen mode, but has working mouse integration and window scaling. Basically if you want the game in fullscreen use SDL, otherwise use GTK. For a bit more info about these, checkout the 'Files' section under the 'Keep Reading'

Important Info

Before launching the main game, be sure to create a profile using 'New Contact', as the game will not run until doing so. When exiting the game use the shutdown option in Windows 98. Exiting through closing the window forcefully can possibly cause data loss/corruption. When using SDL, mouse and keyboard input will be captured. To release this, press 'Ctrl + Alt + G'. When using GTK, the menubar can be hidden or shown by pressing 'Ctrl + Alt + M'. To make the window fullscreen, press 'Ctrl + Alt + F'.

Sounds

Included are two "sound effect packs" for the in game sounds that play based on the number keys from 1-5.

By default, the game will use the sound effects from the 5 Worlds version, but you can swap out to the 6 worlds one by renaming the "sound (alternate)" folder in the D: drive to just "sound", and renaming the original sound folder to something else.

I hope you all have fun with your new best friend Fin Fin!

Fin Fin is a wonderful little enigma from the past, and my attempt to make it easily accessible even in the present is something I hope you will all enjoy.

If you encounter any issues in Fin Fin on QEMU, please contact me about it.

To view the changelog, credits, and some more info about this project check below the 'Keep reading'.

Changelog

Some information is cut for brevity, the full version can be found inside of Fin Fin on QEMU and the MEGA folder.

v2.2

Added several new Fin Fin screensavers the user may choose from Updated method for calculating Transfer folder size Updated emulated machine to use 128mb of RAM and a Pentium Updated main teoboot.exe executable to fix several issues Updated shortcuts

v2.1

Removed WHPX launching options Removed FinFinWHPX.bat and FinFinWHPX.exe Removed startup crash fix as it was only needed for WHPX Modified folder settings in Windows 98 to open folders in the same window Rearranged Fin Fin on QEMU folder layout for cleaner appearance Added 'OK' button back to Microphone Setup that was mistakenly removed Updated shortcuts for Microphone Setup and Sound Recorder Fixed problem with 'Encyclopedia' launching script that caused screenshots to not show up in the photobook Added 'Transfer' Folder which allows for transferring files between the host and emulated machine Added options for launching with either GTK or SDL display Altered updater to improve ease of use and used NirCmd to improve process as a whole (Updater.bat & updater.iso)

v2.0 (Major Update - 6 Worlds Edition)

Modified original Taiwanese 6 Worlds version to add English Translation Added 'Microphone Sensitivity' shortcut to the desktop and start menu Added in 5 Worlds version Encyclopedia (finfinEncyc.exe & encyc30.GIZ) Added sound effects from 5 Worlds version (D:\sound) Added Mouse Integration Added Nircmd to replace launch batch scripts (C:\WINDOWS\nircmd.exe) Added Windowed Mode shortcut to start menu Altered launching scripts (FinFin.bat, FinFin.exe, FinFinWHPX.bat, FinFinWHPX.exe, FinFin Update.bat) Removed large amount of unecessary setup files from finfin.qcw Removed 'Task Scheduler' from taskbar Added Credits and Changelog shortcut to start menu Added dll to fix issue with running on Windows 7

v1.3

Added animated Fin Fin cursor

v1.2

Added guided updater (FinFin Update.bat & updater.IMA) Adjusted wallpaper Renamed startup shortcut ("_setup.bat" to "Crash Fix" at C:\WINDOWS\Start Menu\Programs\Startup) Adjusted Volume Control Settings

v1.1

Added new wallpaper (C:\background.jpg) Added new startup sound (C:\boot.wav)

v1.0 (First Public Release)

Changed from qemu-3dfx to base Removed unnecessary files in Windows Added missing shortcuts on Desktop

v0.5 (Playtester version)

Moved all Fin Fin data to finfin.qcw Created batch scripts for Disc.id Added shortcuts to launch programs Removed unnecessary programs from Windows Removed unnecessary files in Windows

Credits

Resources

The finfin Homepage (finfin.de) - By EMGE The finfin Archive (finfin-archiv.de) - By Xvemon, Nadine S., and EMGE Fin Fin 6 Worlds "Beta" (finfin-archive.de) - By Harald G.

Playtesters

mchi22 that-one-scratch-on-your-arm

Software

QEMU 7.1.0. (qemu.org) - By QEMU team: Peter Maydell, et al. NirCmd (nirsoft.net) - By Nir Sofer Resource Hacker (angusj.com) - By Angus Johnson

Updating Versions

Included is a guided updater that will help you transfer your save, screenshots, and sound recordings to the latest version.

Place the new version in a temporary location without replacing the original. Then, just run "Updater.bat" and follow the instructions.

System Time

Time in the emulated machine is synced to the host PC.

If you would like to time travel in Fin Fin, you can change the time in the emulated PC but it will go back to normal after a restart. Note that if you do this you will not be able to go back to the original time, you can only go forwards using this method If you would like to permanently change the time, you can use the built in date-changer present in the 'New Contact' program, but this will cause the loss of the current profile.

QEMU

Though it should be quite obvious by now, this project works through the use of QEMU, an open source emulator. Specifically, its emulating a full Windows 98 SE machine, and then the game is run on that.

The emulated machine has 128mb of RAM, an AC97 Soundcard, and a Pentium CPU.

Files

The only files this project really has aside from QEMU are FinFin GTK.bat/.exe and FinFin SDL.bat/.exe

The reason I list the .exe and .bat files together is that they do exactly the same thing. The executables aren't really 'true executables', but are instead just batch scripts that have been converted into .exe files. When they run, they essentially create a temporary batch script that deletes itself. The only real benefit of this is that its a bit more straightforward for launching and creating shortcuts, and that there is no distracting command window while playing.

Within the 'Data' folder is where the bulk of the project is. Inside are two virtual hard drives, w98.qcw being the main Windows 98 drive, and finfin.qcw being where all the Fin Fin game data is.

#fin fin #finfin #fin fin on teo #qemu #my projects #fin fin on qemu

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bonefall · 5 months

Note

⭕️Hey Bones! Is it ok if you explain and/or elaborate how Crowfeather is abusive to Breezepelt if please?⭕️

I do KNOW that crowfeather is indeed, abusive to Breezepelt, due to the fact that he emotionally and/or physically neglected him - with child neglect being known to BE a form of child abuse - and I also heard that he slashed and/or hit him within one of the books, which I believe is in the book Outcast, in chapter 16.

But I also wish people would talk and be informed about it more within the fandom, because in the parts of the fandom I’ve known portrayed Crowfeather’s neglect on Breezepelt as negative and bad, but not in a way that made me think and/or feel: “Wow, that’s pretty bad. That’s…actually abusive.” I suppose? So I hope more people will talk about it more in that type of way.

Also, please be aware that I have NOT read PoT, OoTS, etc. or barely any warrior cats books, since the majority of the information I got from the series is from the wiki and the fandom, so that probably explains why I didn’t know this part of Crowfeather’s character is as bad as it actually is until now. Also, feel free to talk about Crowfeather’s abuse on Breezepelt I haven’t mentioned and/or don’t know right now as well if you want.

I’m SO sorry that if this ask is unintentionally quite long, and feel free to make sure to take all the time you need to answer it. Thank you!

OH LET'S GOOOO

Breezepelt is both physically and emotionally abused by Crowfeather. I'm not talking about only child neglect; he is screamed at, belittled, and even once hit on-screen.

The fact that Crowfeather both neglected and abused him is very important to the canonical story of Breezepaw. There's actually a lot more to this character than people remember! Even from his first appearances he displays good qualities, a strained relationship with his father and adult clanmates, and is clearly shown to be troubled before we understand why.

As many problems as I have with the direction of Breezepelt's arc (especially Crowfeather's Trial), his setup is legitimately a praiseworthy bit of writing from Po3 which carries over into OotS. To say that Breezepelt was not abused is to completely miss two arcs worth of books SCREAMING it.

BIG POST. Glossary;

INTRO TO BREEZEPELT: The Sight and Dark River

ABUSE: Outcast, Social Alienation, the Tribe Journey.

DARK FOREST: How these factors push him towards radicalization.

For "brevity," I'm not getting into anything post-OotS. I'm just showing that Breezepelt was abused, the narrative wants you to know that he was abused, and that his status as a victim of child abuse is CENTRAL to understanding why he is training in the Dark Forest.

INTRO TO BREEZEPELT: The Sight and Dark River

Our very first introduction to Breeze is when Jaypaw walks off a cliff in the first book of Po3 and is rescued by a WindClan patrol. He's making snarky remarks, and Whitetail and Crowfeather are not happy about it. Whitetail snaps for Crow to teach his son some manners, and Crow growls for Breezepaw to be quiet.

But our proper introduction to him is at his announcement gathering, when Heatherpaw playfully introduces him as a friend,

From the offset something's not entirely right here between Breezepaw and his father. He's cut off by Heatherpaw here, but he's touchy whenever his father is involved, and we're not entirely sure why.

Throughout Book 1, he's just rude, with a notable xenophobic streak. He's a bit of a mean rival character for Lionpaw, as they're both interested in the affections of Heatherpaw and make bids to get her attention, but nothing particularly violent yet.

He participates in the beloved Kitty Olympics and gets buried in liquid dirt with Lionpaw, basically a rite of passage for any arc.

(And Nightcloud has a cute moment where she watches over them until they fall asleep)

As the books progress, the relationship between Crow and Breeze visibly deteriorates. They start from being simply tense with each other in The Sight, to the open shouting and hitting we see in Outcast.

In the very first chapter of Dark River, we learn where his behavioral issues are really coming from;

Crowfeather.

Breezepelt is getting xenophobia from his father. Occasionally he says something bigoted and his dad will agree and chime in, and those are the only positive moments they have together.

(Note: In contrast, Nightcloud explicitly pushes back against xenophobia, chiding Breezepelt for his rudeness to Lionpaw in back in The Sight, Chapter 21. The Sight is the book where a lot of "evidence" that the Evil Overbearing Woman is actually responsible for the rift between father and son but. No. She's not. Though she can be overprotective; Crow and Breeze have a bad relationship when she's not even around in Breeze's first appearance and even his Crowfeather's Trial Epiphany refutes it. Anyway this post isn't about Nightcloud.)

So he starts acting on his bigotry, accusing cats in other Clans of stealing, running really close to the border. What's interesting though, is that this is not entirely his doing. The first time we get physical trouble from Breezepaw, DUSTPELT aggressed it. Breezepaw and Harepaw were just chasing a squirrel and hadn't yet gone over the border at all.

We learn that WindClan is teaching its apprentices how to hunt in woodland, and tensions between the two Clans is starting to escalate as ThunderClan isn't entirely trusting of their intentions.

The second time, fighting breaks out over him and Harepaw actually crossing the border and catching a squirrel. WindClan is adamant that because it came from their land, it's their squirrel. So it's as if Breezepaw is modelling the aggression around him, learning how to behave from the older warriors and his father.

When he joins Heatherpaw and The Three to go find Gorsetail's kits in the tunnels, he's grouchy towards the ThunderClan cats, but very gentle with the kittens. Notably so. When Thistlekit is dangerously cold, he cuddles up next to her, and even assures Swallowkit when she's scared,

Through this entire excursion, he's the one in the comforting roles for the kittens. Breezepaw is the one who is taking time to tell the kits they'll be okay, that he'll protect them, and physically supporting them when they're weak, even when he's terrified.

And it's always contrasted to Heatherpaw who's way more 'disciplined,' as a side note. It's a detail I'm just fond of.

All this to point out,

Breezepelt displays his best qualities when he's away from the older warriors of WindClan, and he's at his worst whenever he's near Crowfeather. Even while he's essentially just a bully character for The Three to deal with. He's gruff but cooperative when it's just him and Heatherpaw interacting with The Three, but mean when there is an adult to please.

We're getting to the on-screen abuse now, but Po3 actually sets up Breezepaw's troubles and dynamics well before it's finally confirmed that he is a victim of child abuse.

ABUSE: Outcast, the Tribe Journey.

In Outcast, Breezepaw's problems have escalated into open aggression towards cats of other Clans, and is now a legitimate concern for his own safety. Yet, he's spoken over by older warriors, and reprimanded at nearly every opportunity, right in front of the warrior of another Clan.

Squilf just asked the poor kid how his training was going, and then Whitetail JUMPS to talk over him so she can complain, RIGHT in front of his face.

They can't even wait until they're alone to grumble something rude about Breezepaw, who is still just a teenager here;

They taught him already that a bit of prey that runs off their own territory still belongs to WindClan, encourage him to blow past borders in pursuit, and started a battle with ThunderClan over this. And then they're pissed off at him for being aggressive, thinking it's deserved to scold him in public.

When Onestar announces that he wants Breezepaw to go on the Tribe Journey, he's devastated by it...

Because he thinks WindClan doesn't like him, and he's right. He's gossiped about, torn into in front of a ThunderClan warrior, and even his own dad doesn't want to be around him. It's clear that Breezepaw's impulsive "codebreaking" behaviors are a desire to prove himself, and once you realize that, the way that he's being alienated is heartbreaking.

But Wait!! Hold on a minute! Where did he get a "patrol of apprentices" from to confront the dogs with, exactly?

Simple. Breezepaw CAN make friends! He actually values them a lot! So much that it's the first thing Crowfeather snaps at him over, out of frustration that his son is also being forced on this journey with him. It's an angry response to his child having emotional and physical needs, resentment that will continue all journey long.

Note that it's plural, friends. Breezepelt has multiple friends, at least one who is not Heatherpaw, and she promises to say goodbye to them.

Up next, they state over and over, Crowfeather and Breezepaw do not like each other. Crowfeather resents being around him and dealing with his rudeness, embarrassed and angry, and Breezepaw is absolutely miserable being sent on a journey to the mountains with a man who hates his guts.

The whole while, Crowfeather is brooding longingly about Feathertail, already thinking about her as soon as he kitty-kisses Nightcloud goodbye, his eyes looking somewhere distant. He makes a jab about loyalty when Breezepaw doesn't understand why they're helping the Tribe.

Breezepaw gets smacked after he's "shoved" at Purdy and acts rude to him, while the other three manage to be polite (while still having internal dialogue about how stinky he is).

Without so much as a, "cut that out," Crowfeather raises his paw and hits him. Breeze is quiet after that.

I don't give a shit how rude your teenager is being. Do not hit kids. Being throttled on the head is not okay.

In spite of the Three not liking Breezepaw, or even Crowfeather, they're constantly noting that their arguments are not normal, and that Crow is a cold, unsupportive father who digs into his kid constantly, and the only time he ever DOES "discipline" his child it's through immediately smacking him.

At one point, the apprentices get hungry, and decide to foolishly hunt in a barn that they know has dogs in it against Purdy's warnings. Once again, JUST like the first two books, Breezepaw is more friendly when Crowfeather is not around.

EVERY time he is alone with cats his own age, he's grumpy but cooperative. Even enthusiastic at times! The minute Crowfeather is in the picture, he's nasty.

Naturally, the dogs show up, but Purdy rescues them. Though Brambleclaw also chews his kids out (and i have strong opinions about bramble's parenting style for another time), Hollypaw is taken aback by the contrast of what a scolding from Brambleclaw looks like vs how Crowfeather reacts.

The narrative is desperately trying to tell you that the way Crowfeather treats his son is not normal.

And then Crowfeather is pissed off that Breezepaw is exhausted from running for his life from hungry dogs,

And he's constantly losing his shit whenever Breezepaw says something as innocuous as "dad im hungry"

Then, Breezepaw is made to watch his dad pine over the grave of a woman who died long before Crowfeather was even considering his mother for a mate. What he feels is jealousy, because he knows his own father doesn't love him anywhere near as much as he loves the memory of Feathertail.

This really goes on and on and on. The ENTIRE trip is like this, with Crowfeather treating Breezepelt poorly, giving him a smack before even verbally warning him, pushing him past his limits and blowing up on him when he asks simple questions about eating or resting.

It all comes to a head in this one exchange, towards the end. Hollypaw ends up snapping at Breezepaw for his rudeness, before having an epiphany.

It's explicit. Crowfeather's emotional abuse, his "scorn" for Breezepelt, is what is driving a wedge between him and all of his older Clanmates. Between EVERYONE in Breezepelt's life who wasn't already his friend. This awful treatment is only making him worse and worse.

Realizing this, she has more sympathy for him, but it's too late. He continues to be rude to her because he feels insulted, and her patience completely runs out. She's just a kid. They're both just kids. She's not responsible for fixing him when he's pushing everyone away at this point.

That's the end of Breezepelt in Outcast. It can't be helped anymore. Any spark of friendship they had together in the barn, or in the tunnels, is gone.

As the series progresses, Crowfeather continues to refuse any personal responsibility for the mistreatment of his son, even pinning all of Breezepelt's behavioral problems on Nightcloud. He is a cold, selfish father who only ever thinks about his own pain and reputation.

DARK FOREST: How these factors push him towards radicalization.

Everyone talks about the Attack on Poppyfrost, which happens in the first book of OotS, in oversimplified terms. YES he is going after a nun and a pregnant woman. I've never said that's not Bad.

But no one talks about "WHY", and that reason is NOT just that he desires power like so many other WC villains. Breezepelt makes his motivation very clear on the page.

Escalating to violence was about making Jayfeather feel the way that he does.

When Breezepelt says that he wants Jay to be surrounded by "lies, hatred, and things that should never have happened," he's talking about the way HE grew up, knowing his father never wanted him, and that his Clan HATES him as a result. Killing Poppyfrost is about trying to frame Jayfeather for her murder, so ThunderClan won't trust him anymore.

When Jayfeather points out the simple truth that what Breezepelt is saying doesn't make any goddamn sense, his hatred "falters." He's blaming his half-clan half-brother for his own treatment because of the reveal, but totally failed to consider that JAYFEATHER'S ALREADY GOING THROUGH IT... so his response is just this pitiful, "s-shut up, man."

Then the ghost of Brokenstar and Breezepelt bounce him back and forth between them like a beach ball for a bit until Honeyfern's spirit shows up.

Breezepelt's childhood abuse and social alienation was a hook that the Dark Forest latched onto, to reel him in. His anger at his half-brother is so obviously misplaced that its absurdity was something Jayfeather pointed out.

We soon learn that it's the Dark Forest who's planting that ridiculous idea in his head;

The narration is SCREAMING, "The Dark Forest is validating the anger he feels towards his father, and redirecting it towards The Three." He's described as 'kitlike,' Tigerstar's eyes are compared to a hypnotizing snake.

This prose could not make it more obvious if it drove to your house, beat you with it, and then spoon fed you the point while you were hospitalized.

At the end of this scene, Tigerstar sends Hawkfrost to recruit Ivypaw. This scene where Breezepelt is being lovebombed, and the command to start grooming Ivypaw, ARE LINKED. That was a choice.

A VERY GOOD choice! Again, as many issues as I have with OotS, its handling of indoctrination is unironically fantastic, and it owes a good amount of that to the outstanding setup of Breezepelt that was done back in Po3. And that setup doesn't work if Crowfeather was merely distant.

Breezepelt was abused by his father, both verbally and physically. It drove him to be more aggressive to prove himself, modeling the battle culture around him. The adults of WindClan judged him based off Crowfeather's responses, shunning and belittling the 'problem' teenager, which eventually drove Breezepelt to the only group that he felt "understood" him.

In a book series that is RIFE with abuse apologia, this is one of the few times that there's any behavioral consequences for abuse and the narrative holds the perpetrator accountable for it.

But people hear Crowfeather's deflective excuse in The Last Hope where he says he never hated him, blames Nightcloud for everything, and just lick it up uncritically.

Gee whiz, I wonder why the guy who never blames himself for any of his problems would suddenly say it was his ex-wife's fault. Real headscratcher!

(Crowfeather's Trial then goes onto, for all my own problems with it, also hold Crow accountable as the reason why Breezepelt turned out like he did. But that's a topic for another day.)

#This is headcanon territory here. But one day I realized I can read Breezy-P with BPD and he became a blorbo.#Never been able to unsee it and it massively endears him to me... Breeze Pelt Disorder...#I actually REALLY hate how his arc was resolved and strongly feel that he should have progressed into a bigger problem #But I equally strongly feel that being redeemed is the ideal ending for him #so if it was between him being pure evil/redemption death or the awful halting we got at the end of oots....#I'd pick the halting over him being pure evil or a redemption death.#I think BB made me REALLY fall in love with him. He's my sweet cheese. My good time boy.#Bones when he sees an angry black cat: ''i can fix you. first i must break you. but then i can fix you''#Like. what i dislike about where he went is that even if your anger issues came from abuse. you STILL are responsible for your actions #but in the end getting that Shitty Dad Approval fixes him. Not his own growth or self-reflection.#it feels like BREEZE gets his agency stripped away for HIS ABUSIVE DAD'S character arc #It retcons in a reason why Breezepelt is not still a problem and then he faded into the background.#while Crowfeather continues to get supporting roles and every now and then Breeze now looks at him fondly #BLECH.#Crowfeather #Breezepelt #Abuse #Child Abuse #Warrior Cats Analysis #And now you know anon!!

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anexperimentallife · 3 months

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Interracial US family w/ disabled autistic dad and toddler needs to get to the US for medical treatment

(New post because the old one was getting LONG with the updates. Details are under the "read more" to save your dash, with updates in the notes.)

TL;DR: If I'm going to live long enough to watch our daughter grow up, we need to get back to the US and get set up in a disability-friendly place where I can use my medical benefits.

Although I was already disabled (autism, adhd, and spine, joint, and head injuries), my health was stable--until four bouts of COVID left me immunocompromised, and utterly destroyed my health (including damage to my heart, blood clots that damaged one eye, neurological and joint issues, etc.), and although we started off fine, we've been hammered with one crisis after another, both medical and financial, that no one could have predicted.

Until we have enough to get back to the US, a chunk of whatever comes in has to go towards medical care that can't be put off, so the sooner we can reach critical mass on that, the better.

If you can help, or reblog, or share the links on other platforms, we'd be grateful!

The "Donate to Little or None" Paypal donation link takes the lowest fees, I think. (Kept the same link from when we were fighting to get our daughter's birth certificate fixed so we could get her citizenship affirmed.)

Then there's Ko-Fi:

And my little sister started a GoFundMe for us!

EDIT: The donation links above still work, but I removed the GoFundMe link.

IF YOU WANT ALL THE DETAILS SEE THE "READ MORE."

(There's more in my "rob gets medical" tag if you want a blow by blow account of how we got to this point over the past few years, but this is the gist.)

HOW IT STARTED:

I moved to the Philippines six years ago, after the deaths of my adult sons, in part to make my disability payments stretch further. Shortly afterwards, I was joined by my now-wife @thesurestthing (also from the US) for what was supposed to be a visit, but which turned into a permanent arrangement.

After I got a contract to license an old story for a mobile game (which tripled our income*), we found out we were having a baby, which was fine, because despite my disabilities (autism, adhd, two spine injuries, traumatic brain injury, a herniated esophagus, joint issues, etc.), my health was stable, and thanks to the contract, we were fine financially as well.

HOW IT STARTED GOING DOWNHILL:

Zoey's pregnancy was complicated, requiring two hospitalizations, and our daughter's birth was complicated, too--requiring a C-Section--which tripled our hospital bill. A few weeks after our daughter was born, the aforementioned contract was canceled without warning. THEN, when we tried to register our daughter's birth with the US embassy, we discovered an error on her birth certificate that left her stateless, and which took nearly two years, all our savings, and a fundraiser (thank you, generous people!) to resolve. Combined with medical expenses, that left us in a lot of debt.

A brief summary of went else wrong (leaving a lot out for brevity's sake):

I got COVID three four times during all this, became immunocompromised, and developed a slew of other medical issues (heart damage, eye damage and temporary facial paralysis from blood clots, persistent infections, a worsening of my joint issues, neurological issues, etc.) as a result of Long Covid.

I've had to be hospitalized a couple of times, undergo surgery, and was on an oxygen machine twice--once for an entire month, while I was bedridden. As of 24 January, 2024, I'm still recovering from my fourth bout of covid, which started at the beginning of October 2023.

There's a lot more, but you get the idea. COVID has completely wrecked my health, including tearing up my immune system.

And yes, I'm as fully vaxxed against COVID as one can be in the Philippines, with all available boosters, but again--I'm immunocompromised, plus they don't have the vax for the newest variant here yet. Zoey is vaxxed, also, and as a result, her bout with covid was extremely mild. El isn't vaxxed yet because they won't give the covid vaccine to kids under five here, but she's been able to share Zoey's antibodies from breast-feeding--which is apparently a thing.

The only way we can see for me to stay alive long enough to watch Eleanor grow up is to get back to where I can use my Medicare and VA benefits**.

WHY SO MUCH MONEY?

First, while we're still here, we need to pay for whatever medical care can't be put off. Plus, since I'm now immunocompromised, we have to get LOTS of vaccinations before we have to spend 24 hours or so in crowded planes and airports.

Second, we're going to be arriving with only what we can carry with us on the plane, and we'll need to get into a place near a VA hospital that I can easily get around in while I'm recovering from surgeries and getting various treatments. We'll need to pick up some secondhand household goods, and some kind of used transportation (because, you know, it's the US, where you kind of need a vehicle to get around).

We'll also need enough on top of my and El's disability payments to get by for a couple of months while Zoey looks for work. And all this is while we're still paying off the debt from the stuff I mentioned above.

So we're figuring that unless we catch some very lucky breaks, it'll probably cost between 20K and 36K altogether.

(We can't simply stay with friends when we get back, because literally every single close friend we have in the US with extra room and who lives close to a VA hospital has cats--to which I have a severe anaphylactic reaction. As in my entire respiratory system shuts down, and I have to be rushed to the ER to keep from dying; this has happened more than once. The only way I can be around cats is if I'm on immunosuppressants, and my immune system is ALREADY compromised, so I CAN'T do that.)

So again, if you can kick in, or reblog, or post our crowdfunding links (or the link to this post) on whatever other platforms you use, we'd appreciate it.

(*When I told social security about it, they said I could keep getting disability, too, because licensing IP rights didn't count as work income, and since it was a Moldavian company, it also fell under a special tax clause for getting paid by a foreign company while living overseas, so no taxes on it, either. )

(**VA benefits--I was a cold warrior in 1980s Germany. It was less than forty years after WWII, there was a lot of sabre-rattling--some of it nuclear--and we were there as a deterrent to prevent in Germany the kind of thing that's happening in Ukraine right now. Disclaimer because I'm tired of people accusing me of "invading" folks in the early 1980s when I was a dumb, heavily propagandized pre-Internet kid fixing generators in Europe. I wouldn't join today even if I could.)

#rob gets medical #mutual aid #medical fundraiser #long covid #repatriation #my face #baby el #zoey

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hayatheauthor · 7 months

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Crafting Character Voices And Distinct Dialogue

A well-crafted character voice can breathe life into your narrative, making readers feel as if they're eavesdropping on real people. Each character's dialogue should be as distinctive as their fingerprints, reflecting their personality, background, and motivations.

Creating distinctive character voices is one of the first things I learned in my creative writing lessons. Whether you're a seasoned writer or just starting, understanding how to create authentic and unique character voices is a crucial skill. So, here’s my guide on how to personalise your dialogue.

Understanding Your Characters

To craft dialogue that resonates, you must first get to know your characters inside and out. Dive deep into their psyche, exploring their backgrounds, beliefs, values, and desires. What drives them? What keeps them up at night? Understanding these intricacies is the foundation upon which you'll build their unique voices.

Additionally, consider their primary language or dialect. A character from Italy, for example, might have a different vocabulary and speech patterns than someone from India. For instance, an Italian character may use phrases or expressions unique to their culture, adding depth and authenticity to their voice. This not only provides cultural richness but also enhances the character's individuality.

Creating Distinctive Speech Patterns

Once you've delved into your characters' backgrounds and cultural influences, it's time to work on their speech patterns. Think of this as giving each character their own linguistic fingerprint. Here are some key elements to consider:

Unique Vocabulary: Each character should have a vocabulary that reflects their education, interests, and experiences. A well-read character might use more complex words, while a simpler character may prefer everyday language.

Sentence Structures: Pay attention to how characters structure their sentences. Some may favor long, flowing sentences, while others opt for brevity. This reflects their thought processes and personality.

Idioms and Colloquialisms: Characters from specific regions or backgrounds might use regional idioms or colloquial expressions. For example, a Texan character might say, "fixin' to" instead of "intending to."

Influences from Native Language: If your character speaks more than one language, consider how their native language influences their speech in another language. They might occasionally switch to their native language for emphasis or use idiomatic expressions from that language.

Accents and Pronunciation: If your character has a distinct accent, consider how this affects their pronunciation of words. You can subtly convey accents through dialogue without overdoing it, using phonetic spelling sparingly.

Tone Tags: Incorporating tone tags (e.g., nervously, confidently, sarcastically) can convey the character's emotions and attitudes during a conversation. These tags help readers understand the subtext of the dialogue.

Imagine a character named Maria, who hails from Mexico. She might use Spanish phrases when speaking English to emphasize her cultural background. Her speech could be peppered with warmth and expressions of hospitality, reflecting her upbringing.

Dialogue Tags and Character Expressions

Dialogue tags and character expressions are invaluable tools for conveying the nuances of character voices. They add layers to your characters' speech, giving readers insight into their emotions, intentions, and personalities.

While "said" is often your best friend because it's unobtrusive, don't hesitate to mix in other tags to convey mood and tone. For instance, instead of always using "said," consider alternatives like "whispered," "shouted," "murmured," or "replied." Choose tags that align with the character's demeanor and the context of the conversation.

Character expressions and actions:

Non-Verbal Communication

Beyond dialogue tags, describe how characters express themselves physically while speaking. Actions, gestures, and facial expressions can reveal a lot about a character's emotional state or their intentions. If a character nervously tugs at their collar while speaking, it conveys anxiety. If another character smirks while delivering a line, it hints at their amusement or mischief.

Using tone tags:

Incorporate tone tags like "nervously," "confidently," "sarcastically," or "gently" to clarify the character's tone of voice. These adverbs provide crucial context to the dialogue, helping readers understand the character's emotional state.

Social Influence

Remember that a character's social background can significantly influence their speech. For instance, a character from a wealthy background might use more formal language and have a refined way of speaking. They might avoid slang or contractions. In contrast, a character from a less privileged background might use colloquialisms, contractions, and have a more relaxed speech style.

Balancing character expressions and tags can breathe life into your dialogues, making them engaging and memorable for readers. Use them strategically to punctuate and emphasize key moments in your characters' conversations.

Balancing Consistency and Evolution

As you craft your characters' dialogue, it's crucial to strike a balance between consistency and evolution. Characters should maintain their unique voices throughout the story, but they can also grow and change.

Consistency is key to character integrity. Readers should be able to recognize a character's voice from the beginning to the end of your story.

To achieve this create a character profile that includes detailed notes on their speech patterns, vocabulary, and idiosyncrasies. Refer back to your character profile whenever writing dialogue to ensure you stay true to their voice.

However, characters, like real people, can evolve and change over time. Events, experiences, and personal growth can influence how they speak. To reflect this evolution gradually introduce changes in their speech as they undergo character development. You can also use dialogue to convey their changing perspectives, priorities, or emotions.

For example, a shy character might start using more assertive language as they gain confidence throughout the story. Their evolution should feel natural and in line with their character arc.

By maintaining consistency while allowing for evolution, you can create dynamic and believable character voices that resonate with your readers.

Dialogue Exercises and Practice

First things first, get to know your characters like you're catching up with an old friend. Dive into their quirks, fears, what makes them tick, and what ticks them off. Once you've got a handle on that, it's time to let them speak their minds. Ever heard of character monologues? It's like giving your characters a stage to shine. Let them ramble, vent, or reminisce—it's like therapy for both you and your character.

Now, let's talk duets. Imagine pairing up two characters from different walks of life for a conversation. It's like a linguistic showdown, and you're the ringmaster. See how they bounce off each other, and you'll bring out their unique voices like a pro.

Last but not least, voice journals. Think of it as a diary for your characters. Let them jot down their innermost thoughts and feelings. It's like having a backstage pass to their minds.

Remember, mastering character dialogue is a journey, not a sprint. Your characters will evolve, and so will your knack for making their voices stand out.

Avoiding Stereotypes and Clichés

When creating character voices it's important to avoid those clichéd, overused character stereotypes. We've all seen them: the tough-as-nails detective with a whiskey habit, or the ditzy cheerleader who cares more about lipstick than world affairs.

As writers, our mission is to create characters that feel fresh, real, and relatable. So, let's steer clear of the tired old tropes and explore the vast spectrum of humanity.

Instead of falling into the trap of predictable character traits, dig deeper. Ask yourself: What makes your character tick? What are their quirks and passions? Sure, your character might be a brilliant scientist, but what sets them apart from every other lab coat-wearing genius out there?

Diversity is your friend here. Embrace the rich tapestry of human experiences and backgrounds. Give your characters unique voices that reflect their individuality, and you'll create characters that resonate with readers on a whole new level.

I hope this blog on Crafting Character Voices will help you in your writing journey. Be sure to comment any tips of your own to help your fellow authors prosper, and follow my blog for new blog updates every Monday and Thursday.

Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks?

Are you an author looking for writing tips and tricks to better your manuscript? Or do you want to learn about how to get a literary agent, get published and properly market your book? Consider checking out the rest of Haya’s book blog where I post writing and publishing tips for authors every Monday and Thursday! And don’t forget to head over to my TikTok and Instagram profiles @hayatheauthor to learn more about my WIP and writing journey!

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somerandomdudelmao · 1 year

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ok wait hold up can we actually just like talk for a second about Donnie's behavior in these last few pages??

Before he found out about the infection, Donnie was still very nonchalant about a lot of situations, but he always had a sense of care and compassion for certain things, like for example, his family and friends. He used a lot of sarcasm and was overall just the snarky autistic tech dude who had more love than he could even imagine giving. He had a relentless grip on his bad-boy image, was stubborn as all hell, but was a well-rounded, lovely guy!

And then the realization hit that he was going to die sooner than expected. Then...

Poof!

Now he's just a shell (Hahaahahahahaha) of who he used to be. Now all he has for himself is a bunch of self-deprecating jokes, responsibilities to pass on to others, and a lack of hope that is just so incredibly unlike him. He still has the sarcasm, sure, but this time it's a lot more dry and emotionless. There's no brevity or lightheartedness to his words anymore, it's all just a monotone mess of half-assed goodbyes and thrown out dreams for the future. Any method of survival has seemingly been lost to time for Donnie, so now he's just kinda... Accepting the fact he's gonna die soon, which only leaves him with his own decaying body and a voice he doesn't even want anymore. And judging by the way he just ignores or shrugs aside everyone's concern, it's all basically just him saying, "Welp, guess I'll die. Here's my shit, no will required."

Also another thing I noticed is that Donnie is basically not allowed to really do anything anymore because he's at risk of dying sooner than he already thinks he will. If he gets more rest and works less, his death come significantly slower.

Meaning he must feel incredibly useless right now.

I think I've also pinpointed the time when this all started happening to Donnie btw. It's a very small moment and I don't have the screenshot on me rn but I think it was in the robo-Raph comic, specifically the moment when Donnie was zooming over to Casey and went "Past" that Kraang alien dude on the way. I imagine he didn't really go past and instead went through, because u know, he's Donatello. If given the chance to commit murder, he will commit, and he very much had the chance right there. I think he went through that Kraang alien, (Very plausible given how fast he was going like jesus- ) got its blood inside a cut or something, and it infected him via his veins or something. Kind of a stretch to assume this since it literally could've been something that took place before the time of this comic series, but this was the earliest instance of foreshadowing/possible infection that I can think of.

I also want to apologize for making all those jokes about like taking you to court and throwing you in jail and stuff because maybe they came off as mean or rude at some points. And for constantly flooding your inbox lol-

Thanks for existing and for making this comic, and congrats on beating the deadline at work! I think you deserve a cookie for that! *Gives a million more cookies* oh yeah and those are for you being you

Oh my fuckiNG GoD...

I don't even know what to say to that

I guess I just want everyone else to be able to read it too because..oh shit...oh wow.

#I'm impressed #like #genuinely #don't worry i like being in jail lmao #so many people already thrown me there #this is my home now

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blues824 · 5 months

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🏃‍♂️💨 I Was TAG so of course I'll be joining in this mutual event~

All I can think about is Rollo F. With a sweetheart!s/o with number twenty~ I find it a bit funny but sweet, I just need more Rollo writings 🤧

Hoping you have a good winter holidays, I'll be back to request more~

You requested: Fake dating for Christmas Ball.

Gender-neutral reader

Rollo Flamme

It came as a surprise to no one that Crowley wanted to host a Christmas Ball for all the schools to attend to, just because Noble Bell hosted the Masquerade Ball.

There was a bit of a twist, however: Everyone attending needed to have a date. It could be a friend, it could be a romantic partner, it could be someone’s parent just to piss them off. However, everyone needed to go with someone.

To say that you had received many letters asking you to be someone’s partner would be an understatement. You have turned each of them down as politely as you could, making sure that you parted on friendly terms.

There was one that you were looking for, but if you did not receive it in three day’s time, you would accept someone at random.

Well, your silent prayer was answered in the way you didn’t expect, nor in the way you wished.

Rollo Flamme had sent you a letter via a pigeon. You rushed to go get it some food after you untied the letter from the bird’s leg. Opening the letter, you read it, just to feel your heart beat a million times and break just a few seconds later.

Dear Y/N,

I am writing to you to ask if you would be my partner for the Christmas Ball. It has come to my attention that in order to attend, one must have a partner. I would like to keep up appearances that say I am not letting the past… events… affect me or the social relationship of our respective schools negatively. I am hoping that we come to an understanding on this, as I am coming as a guest on behalf of Noble Bell College.

Should you accept, I would forever be in your debt. After all, you helped me here in Fleur City as well, and I do not believe I have paid you back for that. Ask anything of me afterward, and I will see to it that your wish is granted.

I apologize for the inconveniences this may or may not bring you.

Rollo Flamme

Well, a win is a win. You were gonna be able to go to the Christmas Ball with Rollo, the man you had harbored a crush on since the Masquerade Ball. He made you feel appreciated when no one else did, and while that was because you had no magic, you were going to take what you could get.

You immediately wrote a small note in return as the pigeon feasted on small breadcrumbs. Your hand was shaking a bit, but that might have been because your wish was finally coming true… in the most heart-shattering way possible.

Dear Rollo,

I accept your invitation to be your partner for the Christmas Ball. I await your arrival with eagerness. I ask for nothing in return, as this is what friends do for one another.

By the way, I fed your pigeon so that it may not be tired on its way back to you.

This does not cause any inconvenience to me.

Y/N L/N

~~~~~~~~

Rollo kept clicking his pen as he read your note. The brevity of it was appreciated, but it was the way in which you said that you were excited for him to be there that made his face feel warm. He was lucky that no one was around because they would have seen blush on his face.

Preparations were being made for his departure, and he was glad that he finally had a partner so that he may attend the event. He originally did not want to go, and should you have refused him, he wouldn’t have gone. Now he had a reason to go, as he did not want to disappoint you in any way.

His bags were packed, but his mind was unpacked. Ever since you had saved him from the dark space he had succumbed to, his mind was filled by you. Images of casual dates with you flew about in his brain, and all he wanted was to be with you.

However, what would everyone think if he began dating you? Everyone would know that he had a soft spot, and he would be with someone from a rivaling school. There were too many risks with that. Plus, your friends would think you were insane by choosing him. To be fair, he would think you aren’t right in the mind either. After all, who would want to be with a person who set his entire school on fire out of pure, blind rage (you, apparently).

~~~~~~~~

The day eventually came, and the cafeteria was completely cleared for the event. It was transformed into a festive room, an elegantly gothic Christmas tree in the corner to match with NRC’s aesthetic.

Grim opted to skip this event, as you bribed him with some fancy tuna. You had spent hours making sure your outfit was perfect, and that you had everything waiting to go.

Everyone was gathered outside of the cafeteria, waiting for their partners to arrive so that they may be admitted into the building to escape the cold. You were looking around to find Rollo, and you were thinking that maybe he didn’t come after all.

After a few moments of searching around and giving up, heartbroken, you started to head back to your dormitory. However, a hand reached out for your shoulder, and you jumped in surprise. You turned to see the man you had been waiting for with an apologetic look on his face.

“I apologize for making you wait this long. I couldn’t find you in this crowd of idiots.”

His statement made you laugh, as you knew a few people who would agree with him.

“It’s alright, Rollo! I’m just glad you came. I’ve missed you!” You pulled him into a hug, and the man was too stunned to speak. Your perfume or cologne that you had chosen to wear brought a feeling of comfort in his heart and lungs, making him feel as though he could actually breathe.

Once you pulled away, he extended his arm out for you to take, and you wrapped your hand around the crease in his elbow. Then, you both were allowed into the room at the Christmas Ball. It was definitely very grand and elegant, and you found yourself twirling about to take in the entire venue.

A few people let out gasps upon seeing you on the arm of Rollo Flamme, not sure what to make of it. You saw Ace and Deuce standing with each other as well, knowing that they went as friends. Attending the event meant that you got to skip the day’s classes, so obviously they were going to go.

~~~~~~~~

About an hour into the event, the DJ hired took the mic off the stand.

“All partners, head to the dance floor. The waltzing is about to begin.”

Rollo was nervous as he put his left hand on your waist and his right held yours. You put your left hand on his shoulder, and you smiled at him with that absolutely radiant smile of yours. The sight alone had the man internally on his knees, praying to whatever being was up there that you would be his and his alone.

The music started, and he took the lead. It was simple enough, only having to go by a count of three. You turned to look at your friends all around you, and you could feel the awkwardness between everyone. However, you were completely fine with where you were… even if it was under a pretense.

“Those idiots don’t even know where to place their hands… How did they even get in?” He asked, seeing Ace and Deuce.

“They are my friends, and it’s because I didn’t want to go with them. A lot of people surprisingly ended up asking me, but I refused them.”

You telling him that just made jealousy bubble up in his chest, but the fact that you turned each of those bumbling fools down made him feel better. You accepted him.

“I can’t say that I blame you,” He said.

He pulled you impossibly closer to him, making you a bit flustered. He got close to your face, looking very serious.

“...I’m not sure how I would react to someone who isn’t myself dancing with you.”

“And why is that, Rollo?” He let loose on his grip to twirl you around before you went back into position.

“Because I have fallen in love with you and I am not sure I want to get back up,” You had never been so happy that his face was so close to yours because you placed a kiss on his lips as you both danced.

The man’s face went bright red, but he reciprocated the display of affection tenfold, happy that you were his.

Once you pulled away, you smiled and asked, jokingly, “Do you think we convinced everyone that there is a feeling of goodwill between our schools?”

“I think we did more than that,” He said, smiling as well.

#twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst wonderland #rollo #rollo x reader #rollo flamm #rollo flamm x reader #twst rollo #twst rollo flamm #twst rollo x reader #twst rollo flamm x reader #rollo flamme #rollo flamme x reader #twst rollo flamme #twst rollo flamme x reader

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daechwitatamic · 11 months

Text

1. Asterism || KSJ

(banner by @itaeewon)

Title: Amalthea (Masterpost) - Part 1: Asterism

Rating: NSFW - minors go away i mean it Genre: best friend's older brother!au, angst smut fluff trifecta Pairing: Seokjin x female reader Beta team: @yoongiphoria, @here2bbtstrash, @kookstempo

Summary: You can count on two things in life. One: that your lifelong best friend Minji will always be there for you, in your corner, your brightest star. Two: that you'll never be free from her older brother Seokjin's orbit - the gravitational pull is just too strong.

Warnings: language, drinking, angst, kissing, fingering, explicit protected s*x WC: 9.5k

Part 1: Asterism Asterism: (noun) a recognizable pattern of stars that does not make up the full constellation

Things start when your mother texts you asking for a favor.

To be more historically accurate, things started when you were a child. But for the sake of brevity, for a tighter focus on the now, it starts with this text -

[5:41 PM] Mom: can you do me a big favor?

When you send her back “sure”, she calls you, which you expected all along. You’re surprised she texted first at all, instead of going straight to the phone call. She’s a creature of habit, your mother.

“I cooked a few dishes and stuck them in the fridge,” she tells you. Pacing across your own kitchen, a fifteen minute drive from her place, you squint as you pass through the one exact spot where the afternoon sunlight assaults you from the window every day around this time. You’ve lived here for years - you’ve just been too lazy to put curtains up in this room. Your mother continues, her voice coming through your phone so loudly that you can hold it like it’s on speaker (although it’s not) and still hear her loud and clear. “You’ll see them, they’re in the tupperware with blue lids? Can you bring them over to the Kims’?”

“What?” you say - not because you didn’t understand the directions, but because you didn’t understand the why. She starts to repeat herself but you cut her off, clarifying, “Why are you making food for the Kims?”

“Didn’t I tell you?” she asks. “Or at least Minji? Mr. Kim had his knee replacement today.”

You call Minji from the car, but she doesn’t answer. You’ve been best friends since kindergarten; her dad’s house is just across the street from the one you’d grown up in, where your parents still live. You kids have all grown up, and away - you, Minji, and her two brothers - but Mr. Kim still lives in that same house, the light blue one that you can see from your childhood bedroom window.

You still live close, and Minji’s just a few towns over. Her brothers moved far - requiring planes and trains to get back. You see Minji at least monthly, if not more often - usually you meet for brunch at a place between your houses. Sometimes, though, you meet back home home - for holidays, usually. The last time you were at her dad’s house with her was for the winter holidays two years ago; you’d rung in the New Year on her back deck.

You try not to think about that night.

You let yourself into your parents’ empty house with the code and head straight for the kitchen. As promised, there’s a small stack of blue-lidded containers, and you load them into a reusable grocery bag you steal from the cabinet beneath the sink. You lock the house back up and head across the street on foot.

Once upon a time - for most of your life, really - you would have just let yourself in. You and Minji grew up in each other’s homes. This was your second home, her dad your second father. It had been like that your whole life. But once you and Minji went away to college, things changed - just slightly. Part of it’s just becoming an adult. You don’t barge in anymore, you knock.

You expect Minji, or maybe one of her aunts if they’ve come to help, to answer the door. Instead, it swings open to reveal her older brother, Seokjin - full lips frowning slightly, strong brow furrowed as he tries to piece together why you’re standing on his father’s doorstep holding a grocery bag.

The moment stretches, stills. It can go one of two ways - you can let it be awkward, or you can be sure that it isn’t.

“Hi,” you say, hoping it sounds breezy. “My mom cooked some dishes for you.”

Seokjin takes a minute step backwards, lips parting to speak, but then you hear your name squealed from over his shoulder and you brace yourself for impact.

Jin acts fast, grabbing the bag of food from you and flattening himself against his open front door as Minji launches herself past him to hug you, laughing.

“I called you on my way over!” you scold her, smiling, hugging her tightly back.

“Sorry!” she says, still holding you, still laughing. Jin’s still holding your food, just to the side of you, watching this display with a blank face. “I was helping my dad lay down. I left my phone in the kitchen, I think? You should see his knee, it’s disgusting. Is that food?”

She releases you and turns, heading through the house towards their roomy kitchen. You know you’re expected to follow. You reach to take the food back from Jin, shooting him a thankful smile. Your fingers brush as you take the bag, and you drop your gaze, hurrying to follow the sound of Minji’s voice as it floats through the house. Seokjin stands in place as you leave, and you hope he doesn’t see you shudder against goosebumps as you hurry away.

He’s had that effect on you since you were fourteen years old.

But that’s ancient history.

There’s a lot you want to ask him, starting with how long he’ll be in town, ending with… well. Not now.

In the kitchen, Minji is trying to make room in the fridge for everything your mom sent over. You sit at the table, watching her absently, answering whenever her chatter pauses to ask you something.

Jin joins you two wordlessly. He reaches over Minji’s head and then turns and holds out a beer bottle, offering it to you.

“Ooh, yes please,” you say, taking it from him. Minji looks up to see what you’re talking about and then nudges Jin’s shin - which is next to her head - to indicate that she wants one too. He sits across the table from you and sets a beer for Minji at the seat to his right. When she’s done in the fridge, she sits heavily next to her brother and they both look at you as they drink.

“So,” you say, because you have to say something about now, have to keep yourself from getting swept up in twenty-something years of memories that this house holds for you. “How’d the surgery go?”

“Great!” Minji beams. “The surgeons said it was exactly as expected. He’ll start physical therapy next week.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” you tell her genuinely. Mr. Kim was always important to you. You turn your attention to Jin, who’s downed half of his beer already. “Are you staying long?”

He nods, swallows, then answers. “A few weeks, probably,” he tells you. “I got approval to work remotely through the end of the month. Hopefully by then he’ll be back to a point where he doesn’t need someone here 24/7, and Minji can just pop in on him…”

He trails off, his eyes going over your shoulder, watching a few birds hop from the bird feeder to the deck railing. The deck railing where you’d hung wet bathing suits to dry on never-ending summer afternoons, where you’d placed soda cans with rivulets of condensation running down their sides, where you’d leaned with Minji as you talked about boys and school and boys again, where you’d buried your hands in Seokjin’s hair as he’d - nope.

Not going there. Not unless you want to drown.

“Do you want to eat dinner with us?” Minji asks, throwing you a life preserver by dragging you back to the present.

“Ah,” you say, letting your regretful tone do the answering for you. “I’d like to, but… I should get home.”

I should get out of this house, you think. I should get away from your brother.

She grins at you slyly. “Got that man to feed?”

You laugh in surprise. Seokjin is suddenly very interested in the label on the beer he’s almost finished.

“No,” you say. “He’s out of the picture.”

Minji narrows her eyes at you, assessing. “We don’t seem sad,” she observes finally.

You shake your head. “We aren’t sad,” you confirm. Jin gets up wordlessly and opens the fridge again, reaching for a second beer. His shoulders take up almost the whole space. You try not to notice, try not to think about the muscles of those shoulders rippling under your fingertips - enough. Enough, now.

You stand, needing the escape, needing to get away, draining the rest of your beer in one long drag that would make your college-self proud.

“Listen,” you say to the room at large, to both of them, after placing the empty bottle back on the table, “call me if you need help, okay? My place isn’t far. I can pop over if you need an extra pair of hands, or a break, or some errands handled. Okay?”

Seokjin’s still hiding in the refrigerator, taking a million years to choose between two of the same beer. Minji, oblivious, takes your hand gratefully.

“Thank you,” she says warmly, giving you a squeeze.

You start to head back towards the front door, Minji still clutching your hand.

“Bye, Seokjin,” you say over your shoulder.

He glances up at you around the open refrigerator door.

“See you,” he says. There’s something hollow in his voice.

You get it, though.

The last time the three of you were here together, two years ago, he’d welcomed in the New Year buried inside you against the back of their house, gasping your name against the inky dark of the frigid December night.

You’ve never told a soul, and you don’t think he has, either.

You’ve never talked about it at all.

You and Minji spent New Year's Eve out at bars and clubs together almost every year. The year you were twenty-six, though, something had changed. Suddenly, the idea of vying for bar space, in heels, for overpriced drinks and sleazy dudes seemed abysmal.

“We could stay in,” Minji had suggested. “Pretend we’re sixteen, sneaking booze into dad’s basement again? Seokjin is back in town for the week because he dumped that shitty girlfriend of his for the sixth time, might be kind of fun to all hang out.”

You’d pretended to dislike the idea, grimacing a little as you thought it over. Your brain snagged on dumped his shitty girlfriend.

“Come on,” she’d said cajolingly. “We can put on 90’s music and play card games, like we used to.”

You knew the whole time that you’d go; all you needed to know was that Seokjin would be there. Since he’d left for college, he only came home twice a year - Christmas holidays, and over summer breaks. Since he'd moved far, even those weren't promised.

Minji ended up with a small crowd - a few that you were friends with in high school, but most of them you thought were friends of her brothers.

You’d spent most of the night trying to avoid staring at Jin - or at least avoid getting caught staring. It had been about two years since you’d seen him last - four years since he moved away. He was twenty-eight to your twenty-six that year, and you weren’t sure if it was the way he was aging or if it was the tequila, but he seemed - somehow - even more handsome than you remembered.

It had gotten more and more difficult as the night went on to focus - on conversations, on card games, on how to balance as you walked; your brain wanted to spend its energy cataloging the quirk of his full lips when you said something funny, his windshield-wiper laugh when Minji dropped a whole tray of lemon slices she’d spent twenty minutes cutting, the strip of bare skin his shirt revealed when he bent down to help her pick them up. It was like your brain was trying to soak up every little detail of him that it could after so many years of distance, of him being somebody you used to be close to.

Eventually, you’d retreated to the back deck, alone, just minutes before midnight. Outside, the noise of the party fell away, and you took in deep gulps of cold air, your hands gripping the splintery wood of the railing.

When the door opened behind you, you expected Minji. Instead, Seokjin stood there, staring at you like he’d asked you a question and was waiting for an answer.

Maybe, in his own way, he had. Maybe it had been all the quick glances he’d given you that night. Maybe it had been the way he’d stuck close, listening when you talked, smiling wryly when you cracked jokes. Maybe it had been the way his eyes had followed you from room to room, the way his fingers had tightened around his glass when you bent down to grab one of the wayward lemon slices.

You’d stared back at him, unsure what the right move was. This was Minji’s brother, and you’d promised her almost fifteen years ago to never get tangled up with her family. This was Minji’s brother, who had bought you girls beer before you were old enough, who had once driven to pick you up from the mall on a rainy day when your date had gone badly. This was Minji’s brother who’d once held your hand in the backseat of your dad’s car as you sobbed over a broken wrist, who’d often let you sit and watch him play video games even after he’d told Minji to bug off and leave him alone.

This was Seokjin, who was staring at you so intently that for a moment you weren’t sure if he hadn’t asked you something.

“Seokjin?”

His eyes met yours.

“Explain to me how you got even more beautiful?” he’d murmured, and your heart had leapt into your throat.

“I - what?”

He was close enough to touch. You’d dreamed of this for so long - pathetically long, really. You’d never dreamed that he’d want you.

He stepped closer, and you did touch him - one hand acted without permission, coming up and resting lightly on his chest, over his heart. It had thumped beneath your tentative fingers.

Your fingers had curled in the material of the thick hoodie he’d been wearing, had pulled him just closer.

And then his mouth was on yours, searing, and your hands were in his hair, and that deck railing was pressing into your lower back as he pinned you against it, and one of his hands was creeping beneath the hem of your shirt, and you could feel him hardening against your lower stomach, and -

And through the window, you could see the party carrying on.

You broke the kiss, pushed gently on his forearm to extract his sneaky hand from inside your shirt.

“They can see us,” you’d gasped, and he’d followed your gaze somewhat dumbly, like it hadn’t occurred to him that everyone else existed in the same place as the two of you.

Then he’d taken your hand, pulling you down the deck steps, away from the glow of light from the house’s windows, down into the darkness, where witnesses would have to work a little harder to see what was going on.

He’d pressed you against the wall of the house, beneath the deck, and as you’d tipped your head back to allow him access to nip and soothe lines up and down your neck you’d thought of all the summer nights you’d spent in this exact spot. This is where the keg usually goes, you’d thought absently as that sneaky hand returned to the bare skin of your belly beneath your sweater.

You hadn’t felt even remotely cold, despite the threat of snow in the air.

You’d kissed until your lips hurt and you wanted it to hurt just a little more, your hands starting to toy with the waistband of his jeans as his thumb rubbed determined circles around your puckered nipple beneath the fabric of your bra.

“Tell me what you want,” he’d said, the words mumbled against your lips. He’d pulled back just enough, just enough to watch your face as you told him -

“Anything. Everything. All of it… all of you.”

His hand had traveled up the back of your thigh, beneath your skirt, fingers pushing the cotton of your panties aside before stroking through your center. You’d moaned, low, aware that anyone could come out onto the deck above you without warning. His breath had hitched in response, and his hand had left your pussy long enough to tug you to him again, pressing you against his hips for just a second before returning. This time he didn’t toy with you, pressing his index finger into your messy heat, followed quickly by a second digit.

You’d mouthed his name against his jaw, trying to keep yourself upright as he pressed you against the brick of the house, as he pumped his fingers leisurely, fingertips rubbing circles against your front wall until he found the place that made you gasp and buck against his hand. He’d laughed, asked, “Yeah?” in a cocky voice you’d never heard on him before. It’d made you, impossibly, wetter.

“You’re so fucking hot,” you’d whispered, half delirious, and he’d laughed again, like he knew already.

There had been a flash of foil between his teeth, the sound of his zipper echoing across the frozen backyard, and then he was pushing inside you, fingers still wet from you now gripping your hip to keep you in place.

You’d groaned in unison as he slowly bottomed out. The brick had bit at your back, the winter air had bit at your face, and Seokjin had bit at your lower lip as he pounded into you steadily.

It had been hurried. It had been hushed.

Your name on his lips when he came took the air from your lungs.

You’d wanted this, wanted him, in silence for as long as you could remember. Before you had words to put to it, before you were old enough to understand why your stomach hurt when he left the room.

It had hurt, after. The scrapes from the brick wall. Your sore hamstrings. Your chapped, cracking lips.

His silence.

You’d both missed the countdown. Happy New Year.

You don’t know what you had expected after seeing Seokjin at his dad’s house unexpectedly. Apparently, some foolish part of your subconscious thought he’d reach out to you, because you find yourself disappointed when he doesn’t.

Stupid, you think. I don’t know what you were thinking. Aside from that one slip on New Year’s Eve two years ago, you’d done a stellar job at orbiting Seokjin in silence, keeping your feelings under control and out of sight, never pushing yourself into his path but never letting him stray so far as to forget you, either. Nothing’s changed.

You tell yourself this for two days, until Minji’s name lights up your phone as you’re packing up from work on Thursday evening, your stomach growling and your feet aching to get out of their heels.

“Yeeees?” you answer her as you power down your laptop and cast your gaze around your cubicle for anything else that needs to come home with you.

“Are you still at work?” she asks, sounding a little breathless, a little irritated.

“Packing up right now,” you tell her, rising and pulling your bag onto your shoulder. You give Dale, your cubicle-mate, a silent wave goodbye and head for the elevators. “What’s up?”

“I tried your mom first, but your parents are apparently out to dinner tonight,” she says. “Is there any way you can swing by my dad’s? I think Seokjin is having a hard time with dad, and I’m stuck here at least another two hours -.”

“No problem,” you tell her, cutting off her explanation. It isn’t needed. “I’ll head there now. Tell him I’ll be like…” You glance at your watch for the time, “...twenty-five minutes, tops, if traffic is bad.”

“You’re a saint,” she breathes in relief. “Thank you. Seriously, thank you. I’ll get there as soon as I can. I promise I’ll hurry. Did I tell you that deal with Mr. Lee fell through? I have been non-stop -”

“Don’t worry about it,” you tell her, meaning it. “I’m happy to help. I’ll be there soon. See you later, okay?”

You grew up on a dead end. You never tell people that, now. You always fancy it up if it’s brought up in conversation - you call it a cul-de-sac, though it isn’t according to the yellow sign that marks where you turn left to reach your parents’ house.

Every inch of this street is steeped in memories for you - memories of growing up with Minji and Seokjin, running wild through these streets whenever the weather allowed it, learning to ride a bike, having snowball fights and water balloon fights and - once - even a foodfight. Thinking of your childhood with those two, you think mostly of chaos and laughter.

You miss it, a little, and that’s only a little bit nostalgia talking. Maybe the lack of chaos is nice, but the lack of laughter kind of sucks.

It takes Seokjin forever to answer the door when you knock. When he does, it’s evident immediately why Minji had called for backup.

He’s sick as a dog; his nose is red, cheeks flushed, eyes glassy and sleepy.

“Minji sent me,” you explain. “She said you need help with your dad.”

“I don’t,” he protests, just a little whiny. “We’re fine. Why’d she call you? I told her we were fine.”

This clear untruth is punctuated by a fit of coughing. You purse your lips and raise an eyebrow, waiting.

He shakes his head, recovering. “It’s just a cold,” he says, doubling down. “I’m sorry you drove all the way here, but I don’t need help. I was just about to help Dad get showered - I need to get back up there, he’s waiting.”

He starts to turn to go, but you reach out, catching his sleeve. He turns, brows furrowing in frustration, but you cut him off.

“Jin,” you say seriously, “come on. I came here to help. What needs to be done? Do you want me to start heating up dinner while he showers?”

He sags back against the wall behind him, raising one hand to rub wearily over his brow, his eyes, down over his mouth. You let his sleeve slip between your fingers and you wait as his resolve cracks.

He sighs heavily, eyeing the ceiling. “Could you strip his bed and put on clean blankets? So when he’s done showering, I can put him back in a clean bed?”

“Absolutely,” you say, relieved that he’s delegated a task. He leads you upstairs silently. Your feet remember the way to Mr. Kim’s bedroom. You weren’t often allowed to play in there as kids, but you have to pass it to get to Minji’s room; you think you could walk the path in your sleep.

Halfway up the stairs, you pause, stopping by one of the dozens of framed photos on the wall. You smile, putting your finger on the glass.

At the top of the stairs Seokjin pauses, turns to see why you stopped. Something on his face softens when he sees.

“Yeah,” he says. “That one’s still up.”

You give him a small smile. The photo your finger rests on is a group shot with blue water meeting blue sky as the backdrop.

Mr. Kim stands in the middle, beaming, one arm around Minji and the other around Seokjin. Minji’s little brother Jungkook - only a year behind you girls in school - sits on the ground at Seokjin’s feet, grinning with a scrunched nose. You’re behind Minji, peeking around her shoulders, your eyes closed as you laugh. You’re all kids in the picture - Seokjin, as the oldest, is probably around ten.

You’d been shy to be included in the picture, but Mr. Kim had told you that you were one of his kids in spirit if nothing else. You’d all been at the lake that day. Seokjin had been the one who made you and Jungkook laugh as the camera snapped. You remember it like it was yesterday. After the picture had been taken, you girls and Seokjin had dug a hole in the sand and buried Jungkook up to his neck. You’d splashed in the water, squealing over the slimy rocks that lined the lake’s floor. Later, you’d all eaten thick slices of watermelon, the juice dripping on your bare legs as the summer sun set over the horizon, the four of you sitting in a row on the picnic table bench like a matched set. You’d chased fireflies until Mr. Kim called your names, ready to pack you all into the car to return home, smelling like sunscreen and lakewater.

It was one of your favorite memories, that whole day.

You strip the blankets and sheets from Mr. Kim’s bed and toss them in the hamper. You collect a clean set from the linen closet in the hallway without needing to be told where they are. You spent as much time in this house as your own growing up. In the ensuite, you can hear the shower running, the low murmur of both men’s voices as they chat. You make the bed, fluffing the comforter, and then take the hamper down to the basement, where you dump them into the washer and get it started.

When you head back upstairs, Seokjin is in the living room, slumped sideways on the couch, eyes closed. You’re not sure if he’s awake, if he knows you’re standing behind him. He has that hand pressed to his brow again, and you know a headache when you see it.

You pad quietly up the stairs and into the hallway bathroom, where Mr. Kim used to keep all the over-the-counter stuff - bandaids, pain-killers, lozenges, even tampons back when Minji still lived here.

Heading back downstairs, you grab a glass of water from the kitchen and find Seokjin exactly where you left him, pressing his face pitifully into the arm of the couch.

You nudge him gently, and hold out your offerings - fever reducer and the water.

He grumbles as he takes them, pushing himself to a more upright position so he can drink from the glass without spilling.

When he sets the glass down, he looks over at you somewhat warily. “How have you been?” he asks, and there’s something resigned in his voice. Something defeated. You wonder what battle he’s lost, to make him sound like that. You feel - have always felt - that so much of what goes on in Jin’s mind is kept behind the curtain. For someone so loud, he’s the most private person you know.

“I’ve been fine,” you shrug. “Normal.”

He looks sideways at you for a long moment. “Is that a lie?” he asks finally, voice low.

“No,” you say, trying to keep your voice light. It isn’t, right? You’ve been fine. What happened between you was two entire years ago, the lid closing tightly on a lifetime of maybes. You’d had your moment together and it hadn’t led to anything. What choice did you have, but to accept it and move on? So, there you have it. You’ve been fine.

You make the decision, right there, not to bring it up - what happened two years ago. His lips on yours, his body under your hands, the way your legs had trembled as they’d struggled to hold you up. Better to let it stay dead. If Seokjin had wanted to talk about it, he’s had two years and four months to do so. If he wants to pretend he didn’t fuck his sister’s best friend and then ghost her completely, who are you to mess with the plan?

You need something sweet; you’re far too bitter.

But honestly, you can’t even hate him for it. He hadn’t promised you a thing, so logically there’s no reason to feel like a toy played with and discarded - even if you’re left wishing he had never picked you up to play with at all.

You look him over, taking in the sheen of sweat on his brow, the haze you can still see in his eyes. “You look like shit,” you tell him.

He lets out a single puff of a laugh, his eyes closed. “Now I know you’re lying,” he says, lips quirking into a smile.

“You look like you have the flu,” you say flatly, ignoring his nonsense.

“It’s just a cold,” he says.

You lapse into silence. He keeps his eyes closed, that hand still resting on his head. Finally, you say, “How about you? How’ve you been?”

He shrugs. “Been fine. Working. You know.”

A tiny smile tugs on your lips. “What are we playing these days?”

The smile creeps sideways across his face and he opens his eyes to actually look at you, sending you a conspiratory smirk. “Now you’re asking the right questions,” he says, and starts to tell you about a console game he got last week.

You head to the basement when it’s time and move the sheets you were washing into the dryer. You pause in the doorway when you return upstairs, looking Seokjin over from afar. He looks better than he had when you’d arrived - eyes less glassy, cheeks less pink.

“I think your fever’s down,” you say, as you return to where you’d been sitting before.

“I feel better than I did,” he agrees. He looks at you appraisingly, like he’s seeing you clearly for the first time. And, considering the fever, maybe he is. “So Minji said you live pretty close?”

You nod. “Not far. That apartment complex over behind the plaza with the grocery store? You remember, the one that we used to go trick-or-treating at?”

“Wow,” he says, giving an appreciative whistle. “Those are swanky.”

“I’m swanky these days,” you joke, smiling.

Just then, there’s a soft beep from outside - someone locking their car.

“That’s Minji,” Seokjin observes, and you find yourself standing, feet carrying you towards the kitchen.

“Do you need anything to drink?” you call over your shoulder. Jin is watching your sudden departure, clearly bemused. You busy yourself in their fridge, even though you don’t have a real reason to. You just didn’t want Minji to enter the house and find you and Jin having domestic hours on the living room couch.

The front door opens, and Minji calls your name through the house.

“I’m in here!” you call back, and head for the doorway of the kitchen.

Minji hurries to you, setting her bags down on the kitchen floor and flopping dramatically onto the doorjamb.

“I am so sorry,” she says. “Thank you so much for coming over.”

“Your brother’s sick,” you tell her flatly. “He had a pretty high fever when I got here.”

Her eyes widen, and she turns to look over her shoulder at Seokjin, who gives her a cheery thumbs up.

“He says he’s fine,” you inform her, “but he’s got about two more hours before the fever-reducer wears off and then he’s gonna be useless again.”

“Thank you for the warning,” she tells you, while Seokjin squawks from the living room, “I am not, and have never been, useless!”

You give Minji a quick hug goodbye and head for the front door.

You meet Seokjin’s eyes as you pass through the living room. They’re sharp, now that the fever’s receded, locked on you and looking.

“Feel better,” you tell him. “Make sure you hydrate.”

“Hey,” he says, making himself comfortable against the couch cushions, “thanks.” Then, an afterthought - “Seriously. Thank you.”

You give him a tight smile and slip out the front door.

Going home doesn’t stop you from worrying, even though you know Minji is home and capable of taking care of everything. But at work the next day, your eyes keep darting to your phone screen, as if you’re expecting updates on how Jin is feeling, if everything is okay at the house.

No one texts you.

You can’t ask Minji. She’s too fucking smart. If you so much as said, “Hey, is your brother feeling better?” she’d be all over it.

You try your mom instead, texting her, “How’s Mr. Kim doing? Any updates?”

She answers, “Haven’t heard anything!”

You groan, tapping the corner of your phone on your desk in frustration. You try to focus on work for a little bit, but it’s truly a lost cause. With a defeated sigh, you open your phone and thumb through your contacts.

Kim Seokjin.

You’ve had his number in your phone since you got it - your mom was the one who programmed it in for you when you were fourteen, citing Jin as someone you could call if you had an emergency. As if by being two years your senior, he qualified as a helpful adult.

You haven’t used his number in over five years - not since you were still in college, probably.

Actually, you realize, you remember the last time - though there were definitely parts of the night you didn’t remember.

It was your senior year, the first weekend of December, and you and Minji were drinking in some girl’s dorm. You’d never even met this girl before, but there you were, perched on her desk with a bottle of flavored vodka in hand, watching her LEDs change color along the ceiling.

You and Minji were both wasted, even though it was relatively early - not even midnight yet. You leaned against each other, holding the other up, both of you giggling and tapping around on your phones as the conversation flowed around you.

That’s what had happened - you’d noticed it was about to be midnight, the clock about to change from 11:59. And despite being so drunk that Minji was mostly propping you up, so drunk that you had to close one eye to read the letters of this girl’s alarm clock, so drunk that you’d be throwing up in just minutes - a little part of you brain informed you that midnight meant it was officially December 4th.

You’d texted Seokjin happy birthday at exactly midnight, one eye closed to make sure you were typing actual words. He was hundreds of miles away, had graduated and moved out already, and you hadn’t talked since the day the Kims had loaded all of his shit into a rented moving van, about five months ago.

And he’d answered - “thank you! what are you doing up??”

To which you’d replied, “getting baja blasted with your sister” and he’d replied, “i do not want to know, thank you!!”

And then Minji had looked at you drunkenly and narrowed her eyes. “Who are you texting with that smile?”

The floor had swooped below your feet, and you’d run for the bathroom. Minji had forgotten about interrogating you, and you and Seokjin had never texted again.

Now, at your job, you stare at his name on your phone screen, wracked with indecision.

“This is ridiculous,” you finally sigh. Behind you, Dale glances over his shoulder to determine if you’re talking to him or yourself. Ignoring Dale, you tap Seokjin’s name and type, “how are you feeling today?”

You don’t even have time to feel nervous about it - his response is almost instantaneous. He sends you a picture of a gaming screen, where he’s clearly playing a shooter POV. He follows it up with the sunglasses emoji. You laugh out loud, trying to keep your chuckles quiet to avoid calling attention to your cubicle.

“What a nerd,” you mutter affectionately. You type back, “you must be fine then 🙄”.

Seokjin’s played video games his whole life; it’s one thing you do know about him. How many hours of your childhood had been spent with him, Jungkook, and Minji crowded around the tv in their basement, fighting over whose turn it was to play?Usually Seokjin got to play the first controller (since he was older, stronger, and technically the console belonged to him), which left you and Minji and Jungkook to fight it out over the second one.

But you remember other times, too - especially as you got older - when you’d just sit in silence and watch him play. By the time you were a teenager - fourteen to Jin’s sixteen - Minji was over wanting to join him. She’d argue for use of the tv, and when she lost she’d flounce upstairs to her room to sulk about it. Sometimes you’d join her - usually, you’d join her. But sometimes you’d cast a glance at Seokjin, see if you were welcome. He’d always play it the same - look at you sideways, give you a tiny nod, pat the couch behind him like an invitation. (Seokjin played video games from the floor, letting the base of the couch prop him up. He said he focused better that way.)

You’d sit, quiet, watching him work the controls, listening to him whine and groan and complain and shout his way through each map. And you’d feel special, because he let you stay after he’d told Minji to fuck off, because he didn’t mind your presence, because sometimes he’d ask if you wanted him to teach you how, even though you always said no thanks.

You text your mom and ask what she’s making for dinner.

“Why?” she sends back. “Are you asking me to feed you?”

“Maybe,” you send back.

You join your parents for dinner, “just because”. It’s not that uncommon for you to join them for a meal now and then, considering how close you live. You go because you love your parents and you want a home-cooked meal - definitely not because you know it puts you back in proximity to Jin.

Your mom glances up at you from across the table approximately every four-tenths of a second through the entire meal, until finally you slap your palm on the table and snap, “What?”

She purses her lips, amused. “Nothing,” she says, feigning innocence. “We just don’t usually see you on Friday nights.”

“Jagi,” your dad warns, his voice full of affection. Like he knows it’s a lost cause but he thinks he should try to rein her in for your sake.

“I’m just saying!” she says, still all innocence, eyes wide. “I’m not complaining! It’s nice to have you here.”

You grumble a response, aggravated that she seems to be onto you. To escape their scrutiny, you rise and move to bag up the full garbage, tying the top of the bag and heading out to the trash cans at the end of the driveway.

You pause there after hefting the bag up and into the bin, taking a second to breathe. It’s a nice night - the sun has mostly set, the sky deep and dark above you but still clinging to shades of pink down near the horizon. It’s warm, too, for April.

You’re standing there, arms crossed, watching the sky inch closer and closer to darkness, when you hear a door shut across the street. Your eyes follow the sound immediately, and you see a man’s silhouette do the same thing you were doing - make its way down the driveway, a trash bag in hand.

Romantic, you think wryly. A garbage date. You stay rooted to the spot, watching as Jin - just an outline, a shadow - tosses the bag into the bin and brushes off his hands. Then, he stops still, seeming to notice you.

You hold your breath, not sure how this will go, and then he starts to lope over, and you exhale in a whoosh.

“Hi,” he says simply, as he gets close enough that you can finally see his face through the dark.

“Hi,” you say around a tiny smile. “You seem better today.”

He scoffs. “I told you it was just a cold. I just needed to sleep it off.”

“I’m glad,” you tell him softly. Maybe it’s dangerous, maybe it’s stupid - to be soft with him. To act like you didn’t already get your answer from him, years ago. To pretend your affection for him is still as pure and untainted as it was when you were a teenager.

But it feels safer, out here, away from his dad’s house. In there, the memories of that New Year’s Eve are too fresh, too strong - they cling to the air, slide down the walls. The heating unit sighs to life and you hear your own sighs as Seokjin’s fingers danced along your bare skin. The refrigerator grumbles and you hear the grumble of pleasure that originated low in Seokjin’s throat as he felt you squeeze around his fingers. Someone’s footsteps crunch gravel outside, and you hear the crunch of gravel as Seokjin made his way back to the front of the house in the dark, leaving you hidden in shadows, clutching the bricks and gasping for breath.

It’s better out here. In the fresh air, away from that house, the memories are looser, less focused - bike races, raucous laughter, chalk drawings, bouncing beams of light from flashlight tag.

“Thank you for the help yesterday,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck like he does when he’s embarrassed. “I know I kind of gave you a hard time.”

“You didn’t,” you say, letting him off the hook. You’ll always let him off the hook, for everything. You always have. “How’s your dad?”

He glances back at the house over his shoulder, like he needs to verify this answer before giving it. “Not so good today,” he admits. “He’s in a lot more pain, starting to get frustrated needing so much help.”

“Hmm,” you deadpan. “A Kim man who gets frustrated at needing help. Interesting.”

Seokjin laughs, full from his belly. “Shut up,” he says, but there’s no ire in it. “Can I help it if I’m a chip off the ol’ block?”

“We’re supposed to learn from our parents’ mistakes,” you tell him, like a reminder. “Not continue them.”

Just then, a car turns around the corner, the headlights casting you in blinding white light before throwing you back into shadow. You both turn to look - since it’s a dead end, traffic doesn’t just pass through here.

You recognize the car - it’s Minji’s. She parks and pops out, calling hello to you, ignoring her brother. He makes a face at you like, what am I, chopped liver?

“I have your mom’s tupperwares, do you want to take them?” she asks, pressing the lock button on her key fob and making the car behind her beep once, loudly.

“Sure,” you say, following her into the house. A glance over your shoulder tells you that Seokjin is following, too, a few feet behind you, his hands in his pockets.

Inside, Mr. Kim is sitting sideways on the couch, his leg propped up on a small stack of pillows, a bag of ice over his knee. He perks up when he sees you, lowering his phone away from his face and pushing his spectacles further up his nose.

“How are you, sweetheart?” he asks. “I’d come hug you, but -.” He gestures at his leg.

“I’m doing fine,” you assure him. “I heard you had a rough day today.”

Mr. Kim shoots a dark look at his son, who looks innocently at the ceiling. “Just a little pain today,” Mr. Kim demures.

Seokjin glances at his phone. “We might want to get you upstairs soon,” he tells his father. “You know you’ll be asleep in about fifteen minutes, so unless you want to spend the night on the couch…”

You watch, feeling awkward and unable to help, as Seokjin helps his dad swivel and stand, an arm over Seokjin’s shoulders. They make their way slowly and laboriously up the stairs, and you feel a little anxious watching.

“Are they okay?” you ask Minji as she returns from the kitchen, pushing your mother’s empty tupperware back into your hands.

“They’re fine,” she says easily. “It takes a while but they’ve got it down to a science. Hey, listen, do you want to go grab a drink? It’s Friday, and I’ve had a hell of a week, and what I would really like to do is Uber into town and drink like college-Minji.”

You laugh at this. “I’m not sure I’m prepared for the return of college-Minji.”

“Pleaaaaaaaase?” she begs, blinking her lashes at you. “We haven’t gone out together in ages.”

“Alright, alright,” you laugh. “Let me go tell my parents goodbye and drive home and change. Text me the details and I’ll meet you there.”

“Yessss!” she cries, dancing in place a little. You feel a swell of affection for her; you love Minji with your whole heart. You’ve been through a lot together. You’ve been through a lot separately, but always side by side.

There have been many times through your life where you felt like you were clutching Minji’s hand through the fire.

You still remember clearly the way she’d bounded up to your locker, back when you were thirteen, squealing and excited because the most popular girl in your year had asked her for her number, had invited her over.

You still remember clearly Minji sobbing on your bed weeks later when it came to light that the girl - who wouldn’t be the last to try - was just trying to get an “in” with Minji’s hot older brother.

“You know I would never, right?” you’d promised her. Stupid, at fourteen, not clarifying that you mean never use you to get to him. Stupid, because then you were sixteen and then eighteen and then twenty-one and then twenty-six and you weren’t sure what you had actually promised - had Minji heard it as I would never get involved with him?

“I know,” she’d sobbed, reaching one hand blindly to clutch at yours. “I know you wouldn’t.”

And now you’re twenty-eight and the secrets you’ve kept keep piling up - each day you loved him, another pebble atop the pile. The slightest shake could topple the tower, and you’d be absolutely buried.

You could never let Minji know you loved him. Not when you were fifteen and he was untouchable. Not when you were twenty, and he was the best part of coming home. Not when you were twenty-six, pressed between him and the deck railing.

Not now, after two years of existing outside his orbit again.

The bar she picks is small, but quiet - quiet enough that you can actually carry on a conversation from opposite sides of a wooden booth, which is exactly what you do.

What you hadn’t banked on was that Seokjin would join her, sitting on her side of the booth, complaining loudly that he’s not going to come out with you two ever again, he’s never been such a third wheel in his life.

“You could have stayed home with dad,” Minji says, giving him a swift elbow to the ribs. “Don’t be such a complainer. You jumped in on my plans.”

“Can we please talk about something besides your hot coworker, then?” he begs. “Anything, anything else.”

“We could talk about my hot coworkers,” you offer, even though you have none. But this - teaming up with Minji to push Seokjin’s buttons - is a song and dance you know by heart, something you’ve done since practically infancy.

He narrows his eyes at you. “Believe it or not, that’s not better,” he deadpans.

You laugh, knocking back the rest of your drink and sliding out of the booth to go get another, leaving the Kim siblings to bicker in your absence.

You don’t expect Seokjin to follow; you don’t expect him to press up behind you as you stand at the bar, waiting for the bartender’s attention.

But he does, his body heavy and warm against yours. The blood rushes to your pussy so fast it almost makes you mad. All he’s doing is standing in close proximity, can your body get it together?

“What are you doing?” you murmur, trying not to meet his eyes in the mirrored wall behind the bar.

“Minji wants shots,” he answers easily. Like his body isn’t pressed against yours, like he isn’t causing your heart to hammer against your ribs.

“You’re too close,” you manage to say, because it’s the best option you can think of. Better than she’ll see us. Better than you still aren’t close enough. Better than don’t do this if you’re just going to leave again.

He does catch your eyes in the mirror, then. He must read something honest on your face, because he shifts sideways, leaving you cold. The bartender comes by, takes both your orders. You take your drink back to the table. Seokjin follows with a tray of bad decisions poured into tiny glasses.

Even though he gave you the reprieve when you asked for it, it’s clear he’s got a mission to ruin you. You’re sure of it, more and more sure as the night wears on. Sure of it when you reach for the same shot glass, your fingers brushing, his lingering. Sure of it when his eyes on your face make you so warm that Minji accuses you of having a drunk flush. Sure of it when his foot hooks around your ankle beneath the table, slides up and down your calf, slow and tantalizing, inches from Minji’s stilettoed feet. Sure of it when this causes your breath to hitch and his fingers tighten around his glass and his gaze goes to the opposite wall, anywhere but towards you.

You’re drunk, but it’s Seokjin that’s sending you spinning.

You’ve made this mistake before, you remind yourself sternly. Nothing good can come of it.

You excuse yourself and head for the bathroom, a marked up door at the end of a narrow, poorly lit hallway. You grip the sides of the sink and breathe deep, closing your eyes. The room sways and you press your forehead to the mirror, trying to ground yourself.

“You cannot fuck him again,” you whisper to yourself, eyes still closed. “It wouldn’t mean anything even if you did.”

The alcohol catches up to you as you whisper these words; the truth of them slam you harder than normal. You blink away tears, taking a few shuddering breaths.

“Time to go home,” you tell yourself firmly, turning off the water and wiping quickly under your eyes in case any makeup ran.

This is what it means to be in Seokjin’s orbit, now: to crash into each other, to fight with yourself - fight with the truth that he doesn’t want you, and then run away scared until he’s too far away to hurt you again. Spin idly along until the next time your circles cross paths. Do it again.

He’s in the hallway when you emerge, arms crossed as he leans against the wall. You have to pass him to get back to the table. He pushes off the wall when he sees you coming, stumbles a little. A tiny, sensible part of your brain whispers that he might be drunker than you are as you sidle into his personal bubble.

“What are you doing, Seokjin?” you ask him for the second time that night.

His eyes comb your face. You don’t know what answer he’s looking for, what question he’s secretly asked you in his mind.

“You tell me,” he retorts, which doesn’t make a lot of sense, but speaking somehow brought him looming closer and you’re drowning in the smell of him, the warmth of him, the desire to feel his body hard against yours again, to feel him split you open again, to have his mouth hot on your skin again -

You close your eyes, sag a little. His hands come to your elbows quickly, holding you up. “You’re confusing me,” you whisper, and then look up at him through your lashes.

There’s something aching on his face, and then he whispers back, “I’m sorry. Y/N, I’m so sorry - I never meant -.”

The click-clack of high heels approach and round the corner. You and Seokjin leap apart like you’re burned, your arms tingling where his fingers had been.

It’s not Minji. The stranger murmurs an apology and brushes past you both, towards the bathroom.

Spooked, startled out of the moment, you turn to head back to the bar, back to Minji.

Seokjin grabs your arm, pulls you back. You teeter back a step, then look at him expectantly as you regain your balance.

Seriously, so seriously, he tells you, “I swear, I never wanted to hurt you.” Then he releases your arm with a tiny push, guiding you back out of the dirty hallway and into the light.

You Uber home alone. You brush your teeth, remove your makeup. You change into pajamas, drink a glass of water.

You wake up to your phone buzzing incessantly next to your head.

[10:14 AM] Jin 😎: oh [10:14 AM] Jin 😎: my god [10:14 AM] Jin 😎: i think i am dead? [10:15 AM] Jin 😎: are you dead too? are we ghosts? [10:15 AM] Jin 😎: can ghosts throw up??? 🤔

You giggle despite your own headache.

[10:15 AM] You: whats wrong old man, you can’t hang anymore?? [10:16 AM] Jin 😎: WOW [10:16 AM] You: 😇

You check all your other socials, answer a few emails, and then finally drag yourself out of bed and head for a hot shower. As you stand beneath the hot water, you think about your first hangover, when you were sixteen.

You’d woken up next to Minji on her basement floor, a hoodie balled up beneath your head like a pillow. You’d closed your eyes again, hoping the splitting pain in your head and the roiling adrenaline in your stomach were a bad dream.

They were not.

You spent most of the next hour in the basement’s tiny bathroom, curled up on the floor next to your porcelain jail. When you felt like you could stand, you rinsed your mouth and pulled the pillow-hoodie onto your body, taking comfort in the way it swam on you, the hemline brushing your thighs just below your cutoffs.

You’d made your way upstairs, hoping to sneak past Mr. Kim and your own parents and make it unscathed to your own bed. You wanted nothing but to sleep for the next fourteen hours. Or years.

You got busted at the top of the stairs. Luckily, it was Seokjin bustling around the kitchen, not his father.

He had taken one look at you and started laughing, low in his belly. “Too much fun?”

“Shut up,” you’d whined, literally covering your ears against the noise. “Or I will throw up again, I promise.”

Jin had smiled at you, open and easy. “Sit down, kid,” he’d said kindly, jerking his head towards the kitchen table. “I have an age-old remedy.”

And actually? It had worked.

After drying your hair and throwing on some jeans and a t-shirt, you scavenge your kitchen. You have most of what you need, and you toss it all into a tote bag and hunt for your keys. You finally find them on the floor next to the kitchen counter - chances are you’d tossed them at the counter last night and missed - and head out.

Your parents are home when you let yourself in. They both stare at you, baffled, then exchange a sly, knowing look.

“You’re back, I see,” your mom says, something sneaky in her tone.

“Do you have any bean paste?” you answer. “I’m going to go make Minji hangover soup.”

Only one word was a lie.

This makes your mom laugh, and she rummages in her cabinets and helps you complete the list of ingredients you need.

The Kims’ front door is locked, so you make your way around the side of the house and fish the key out of its hiding spot, letting yourself in the side door that leads to the kitchen.

The house is still and quiet, and you try not to clang any pots and pans as you get to work. When you finish, over an hour later, you set up the table - a bowl of hangover soup, and a mug of steaming hot coffee, black.

You text Seokjin, “come to the kitchen”, and set your phone back down, turning to start on the dishes.

You’re informed of his presence by his laugh. You turn, hands red under the hot water and covered in suds, to see him sitting down at the spot you’d set up. He looks up at you, amazed, an uncertain smile playing across his face.

“It’s an age-old remedy,” you tell him seriously.

“You are…” he trails off with a quiet laugh and reaches for the coffee.

You’d love to know the end of that sentence.

When you finish the dishes - save for the pot with the remaining soup, still on the stove for when Minji wakes up - you pour your own mug of coffee and sit across from Jin, watching as he finishes his soup. He closes his eyes and sighs happily, then sets down his spoon reverently.

“Thank you,” he says, like a prayer, but also like a joke. “That was so needed.”

“Consider it payback,” you tell him.

It feels different, sitting across the kitchen table. Different than sitting across that booth at the bar. Less charged. Like it wasn’t something physical burning between you, like you’d thought, but the need for catharsis, for apology. Even if you don’t know what he’s sorry for, even if you still don’t know what exactly happened with him two years ago.

He’s thinking about it too, apparently. He says your name quietly, and you look up to meet his eyes. You can read the apology all over his face. The house is still still and quiet, no one awake but you and Jin. Like no one exists but you and Jin.

You’ve felt that way before.

Sitting beside him in the basement. In the passenger seat of his car, driving through a rainstorm. In his backyard, in the dark, your breath visible in the air as it leaves your mouth in desperate puffs.

“I kind of wanted to talk,” he admits, and your stomach twists. Maybe you should have had some of the soup. “About -?”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you say quickly, already standing, already moving to gather up the tote bag you’d used to carry ingredients. You shrug back into your jacket, ignoring Jin’s wide-eyed look of surprise. “I should get going,” you say, still not looking at him. You go back to the kitchen door you’d entered through, picking up the key so you can return it to its hiding place outside. You pause on the threshold, turning, eyeing the stovetop thoughtfully.

“Tell Minji you made the soup,” you instruct, and then you close the door behind you.

Next ->

Thank you so so much for reading - i hope you like this one as much as I do! Please don't feel shy about letting me know what you think!

Part 2: Retrograde will post next Friday, June 2nd. Hope to see you there!

605 notes · View notes

anjaelle · 1 year

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hii, can you write a dave lisewski x reader where reader is new at school and he volunteers to give her a tour of the school. Dave thinks she is really pretty and wants to be her friend, he asks questions about her and finds out that she likes comics and superhero’s just like he does and he asks her to come to his house after school to watch a new marvel movie that just came out. she says yes and they watch the movie at his house. during the movie dave just can’t keep his eyes off of her and he’s so in love with her even though he just met her.The movie ends and he walks her home because it’s getting late and he doesn’t want her to possibly get into some kind of danger. when they make it to her house( he finds out that they live close to one another) she thanks him for being so kind to her and kisses him on the cheek. he blushes and wishes her a goodnight. from then on they become great friends and maybe even more. (SORRY THIS IS SO LONG, js wanted it to be detailed so it’s easier for you!!🤭)

@baddestdu0y3t

Pairing: Dave Lizewski x New Girl!Reader

Warnings: None. Except general teen awkwardness?

a/n: Ok so I'll be honest and say that I haven't written for highschool characters since I was a highschooler myself about 10-11 years ago. So I'm admittedly a bit rusty. I probably won't make this a regular thing, because I don't really think I'm good at it haha. And I changed some things around and cut some things out for brevity, but kept the important bits. It kind of feels like a coming-of-age romcom.

(gif source)

--x--

Dave would happily get stabbed and hit by a car twenty more times if it meant he wouldn't have to deal with the current situation he was in. He'd dripped oil from his bacon egg and cheese in his lap, and tried to clean the stain with soap and water, which created an almost bigger stain. The hand dryer in the mens room wasn't working, there were no paper towels, and he was running late to homeroom. Todd gave him a sympathetic pat on the back and offered the ever-helpful comment, "Don't freak. It'll dry eventually."

But it'd been a half hour, and it hadn't dried completely. A few people passed him with looks of disgust.

This day was already turning out to be shit, and it was only 9 AM. He shoved his head in his locker, wishing that a sinkhole would form in the middle of the school and swallow him whole. As the hallway cleared, he noticed you looking down at at a paper and distractedly walking in one direction before turning a corner and disappearing. You then turned back around and walked past him again in the other direction, with a furrowed brow and a pouting lower lip. When you turned to pass him a third time, he closed his locker and awkwardly leaned up against it.

"Hey! Are you lost?" He nearly shouted at you. You stopped short, startled out of whatever daze you were in, and looked at him as if you didn't even notice there was another person in the hall until now. Any plans he had to have a normal conversation left him immediately. He cut his eyes away from you. It was like staring into the sun.

"Hi." You re-adjusted your bag on your shoulder, "And yeah. This school is way bigger than my old one and I'm kinda turned around."

"Oh, yeah, totally, for sure. It's--yeah, it's big." He said awkwardly pulling at the straps of his backpack, "I mean, the school is big. The halls are big. It's a maze. Even I still get lost sometimes, and I've been here almost 4 years."

God, Dave, shut the fuck up.

You giggled at him and he felt his cheeks warm at the sound of it.

"Um, can you help me?" You asked, quirking your head to get a better look at him.

"Sure. Yeah, I can walk you to your next class."

You smiled at him and he smiled back, revealing the cutest dimples you'd ever seen.

"What about your class?"

He peeked at your schedule and his brows disappeared under the curls on his forehead, "We have the same homeroom. So we'll be going the same way."

He was very different from the boys you talked to at your previous school. You thought of what your old friends would say about him. You weren't super popular or anything, but you navigated most social spaces with relative ease. It also meant hiding a lot of yourself. Dave had a kind face and warm eyes that studied you with a sense of eager curiosity that flattered you. Incidentally, you were curious about him too.

When you introduced yourself to him and shook his hand, you noticed immediately how strong his grip was and his calloused palms. Most guys you knew with hands like those played contact sports. He didn't seem like the type, at first glance. He seemed to notice your surprise but didn't quite understand the reason behind it.

"Sorry if my hands are sweaty," he said, instinctively wiping them on his pants.

You rushed to ease his fears, "No they weren't! You're fine." And then, "Do you play sports?"

"Nope. I mean...sometimes I play Wii Tennis. I don't know if that counts though."

You giggled again, "I think that counts."

Interesting. Maybe he did woodworking or mechanic stuff like your dad. You made a mental note for later.

You both strolled down the hall in no real rush to make it to your destination as you talked. He was incredibly animated and spoke with his hands when he got into the groove of the conversation. And when you talked about your old school or your family, he actively listened and asked even more questions.

"You're really cool," he finally said, breathlessly. If you could visibly blush, you're sure you would've. You've been called a lot of things, but never "cool" with such earnestness. "I just wish I'd met you when I didn't have bacon stains on my pants."

He looked down at himself again and grimaced at his own misfortune. You could almost laugh at how resigned he was. Like this was just an everyday thing he had to deal with.

"You could just do what the girls do when we have stains on our pants," you suggested. He quirked a questioning brow and you motioned with your hands. "Tie your hoodie around your waist. It'll hide the stain pretty well, I think."

His eyes widened like you'd revealed the secrets of the universe to him, "I...didn't even think of that."

He immediately took his backpack off and dropped it to the ground to unzip his hoodie. When you noticed his tee shirt, you heard an eager gasp slip from you before you could really stop it. His shirt had the different sketched out iterations of Batman's costume designs over the years, which included a mix of his comic and movie suits.

"I just really like your shirt." You explained as he tied his sweater around his waist. "I was raised in a DC household. My dad has a big box of old school batman comics in our basement that I used to poke through when I was a kid."

His face lit up at your confession, "You like comic books?"

"I used to. I mostly just watch the movies now. The good ones, anyway." You said, shrugging. In truth, you hadn't picked a comic up since middle school. You missed reading them sometimes, but you never really had anyone to talk about them with. So you just stopped. You explained as much to him and he hummed in thought.

"Well, you can always talk about them with me. Do you like Marvel, too?"

You scrunched your nose up at him and he gasped.

"I'm sorry," you couldn't help but laugh at his dismayed expression, "I just think most Marvel movies are corny. And the comics can be a little soap opera-y to me. Maybe I'll give the comics another try, but I don't think I've seen any recent movies other than Black Panther and Thor Ragnarok."

When he thought about it, he couldn't really blame you for feeling that way, "If you had to choose, would you say that those were your favorites?"

"Nope," you admitted, "My favorite is Captain America: The Winter Soldier."

"And not Civil War? That one's my favorite."

You shook your head as you both approached the door to your homeroom, "I may have only seen it in parts. I don't really remember it."

He bounced on the balls of his feet nervously and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "Well if you wanted...we could watch it at my house next Saturday. Only if you want. My dad and my friend Todd will be there, so it won't be just us. But they won't be weird either. At least, I don't think so."

You smiled at him as he babbled on, only reaching out to lightly touch his arm. "Let me ask my mom. She might ask for your dad's number, if that's okay?"

A small smile graced his pretty face.

He nodded, "Totally."

Todd wasn't super happy with the idea of you joining their movie night. But Dave watched him warm up to you until you were both practically friends, too. He felt a twinge of jealousy at how quickly you two got along, but he summed that up to just how friendly and easy to talk to you were. He knew the movie front to back, so he couldn't help but watch you study the movie with deep interest to see how you reacted to his favorite parts. When all was said and done, the three of you sat in the living room discussing Civil War and if you were Team Cap or Team Stark. You all seemed to be in agreement that Tony was a war criminal who indoctrinated child soldiers. But you all were in disagreement about whether Tony deserved to have his ass kicked by two super soldiers.

"He literally didn't even know that he did anything wrong!" You argued to Todd, who rolled his eyes.

"You're only saying that about Bucky because you think he's hot."

"Maybe so," you admitted, "but my point still stands. He was brainwashed, he wasn't responsible."

"So you wouldn't be upset if I killed your parents, and Dave knew but hid it from you, and then beat you up when you found out?" The blond asked, popping a pretzel in his mouth, "I dunno. I'd be pretty upset."

"That's different, Dave would tell me." You responded with a coy wink at your new best friend.

Todd groaned, "You think he'd throw me under the bus for you?"

"I mean--" Dave cut in, pushing himself from the couch to stand to his feet and stretch, "--she is really pretty. And she smells nice. You're not as pretty and you just smell like Axe."

Todd gasped in mock hurt and you motioned to yourself as if to say "look at the material."

When 9:00 hit, you said goodbye to Dave's father who invited you and your family back for dinner, and hugged Todd goodbye.

"You're still wrong about Tony." He mumbled.

"You're in denial."

"You're In denial."

When you broke away to hug Dave he hesitated, "I was going to walk you home if that's okay with you. No pressure. I just...Uber is expensive on Saturday nights, and I know you don't live too far. But I don't want you to feel unsafe."

You noticed Todd shoot an odd glance at Dave before schooling his features. You made another mental note, but nodded.

"Sure, thanks."

You still weren't used to how long city blocks were. So even though you lived only a few blocks away, it felt like so much longer. Despite everything, you were surprised by how quiet this section of Manhattan was at night. Some people milled about, either going to or coming from someplace else. The air was brisk enough to add a jolt of energy to your system, but it still wasn't so cold that you felt any rush to get home.

"So what's up with the callouses?" You suddenly asked. Dave seemed confused by the question, so you grabbed his hand and held it up to him, then turned his hands over to show his reddened knuckles.

"Oh. I-I'm a...boxer. I box." He stammered, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Only my dad and Todd don't know. So don't, like, bring it up around them. They'd freak out."

You hummed, "Okay."

He let out a sigh of relief. A sharp gust of wind from a passing wind tunnel chilled you to the bone, and you looped your arm through his.

"Oh!" You said, surprised.

"Are you cold?" He leaned in closer to you, "We can walk faster if you want."

"I just..my hands are a bit cold." That didn't explain the way you were wrapped around his arm like a boa constrictor. But he didn't seem to mind. He shifted his hand in his sweater pocket.

"There's some room."

You felt your stomach flutter when his hand brushed against yours in his sweater pocket. The flutter turned into a rapid thud when his fingers laced through yours. Despite how ice cold your hands were, he didn't pull away.

"Is that okay?" He asked, shyly, fully prepared to move his hand if you objected. You gave his fingers a small squeeze.

"It's great, actually."

You carried on the casual conversation for another few blocks before stopping at a newly renovated brownstone. He realized then that your family definitely had more money than his.

"Here we are."

You slipped your hand out of his grasp when you realized you still had it in his pocket.

"So...I'll see you monday?" He asked, fidgeting with a loose piece of string on his sleeve.

"Of course."

"Awesome."

"Yeah."

You looked him over one last time before you parted ways. He was your first real friend since you moved, but you still felt like there was so much about him that you didn't know. Not because he was particularly secretive, but because you felt like there was more to him than he let on. You unconsciously reached up and moved a curl away from his eyes. A small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth, in response.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing," you said, "I just think you're really cool, Dave Lizewski."

His smile bloomed into a wide grin, exposing the deep dimples in his cheeks. "You're cool, too. Probably the coolest person I know, actually."

Your heart was thudding in your ears when you leaned up to press a gentle, lingering kiss to his cheek. Before you pulled away, you heard him gasp softly in surprise.

You suddenly felt your phone vibrate in your pocket and checked to see that it was your mom asking where you were.

You usually let your mom know ahead of time when you were on your way home, but you felt uncharacteristically out of sorts. You shot her a quick text letting her know you were outside.

"I hate to do this," you said, finally breaking him out of his stupor, "I really have to go now. Mom's asking questions. Text me when you get home, okay, Curly?"

You gently touched his arm and climbed the steps of your house to the front door. He gave you a weak thumbs up, but he still stared at you with a shocked, flushed face. "G-gotcha."

"And don't forget."

"I won't. I promise."

When you finally shut the door behind you, you peeked out of the small eyehole to watch as he touched his face in surprise and walked down the street in the wrong direction.

#jaelle writes #aaron taylor johnson x black!reader #dave lizewski #dave lizewski x reader #atj x reader #aaron taylor johnson x reader

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