Superwholock (+ guests) : Happy Birthday Doctor! - (2024)
"Hey, angel! Why are we even here? It's the fifth time we're celebrating the Doc's birthday this year! Being a time traveler, it doesn't even make sense anymore! He's so old, I'm sure he doesn't even remember how old he is anyway. And there are two of them today? Shall we celebrate this one's birthday too? How does this even WORK?
Can you behave for a minute? We are here because it's fun, because it's a great occasion to be together again, and because he's our FRIEND. We are enjoying ourselves!
Are we? I mean, is he going to regenerate and go PshHhiTt at the same time as the candles? *That* would be entertaining!"
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All Father Thor, King of Asgard,
A new ruler of Hel has been chosen, the fearsome King Phantom, defeater of Pariah Dark. It is time for Asgard to prepare to pay the dues required to keep peace between the realms of the gods and of the dead. Bring the terms of your surrender to King’s Phantom’s representative on earth, Daniel James Fenton of Amity Park.
The Noble Scribe of King Phantom,
Ghost Writer
*****
“Okay so let me get this straight,” Tony Stark, Iron Man and Avenger said. “Ghosts are real.”
“Yes.” King Thor Odinson, Asgardian and god of thunder agreed.
“And they’re evil.”
“A bit of an oversimplification, but yes.” Prince Loki Odinson, sometimes villain and would be planet invader, answered.
“And the ghosts have had one ruler, the most powerful ghost in existence. And that new rulers are chosen by combat, meaning that every new ruler is more powerful than the last.”
“Yes, you’ve got the idea.” Thor said looking down at his knees for a moment.
“And since ghosts are so evil and so powerful, that means that their ruler is practically an unstoppable force of destruction.”
“Doesn’t it sound delightful?” Loki asked, to which he received a glare.
“So, for the past 10,000 years, at least, Asgard and plenty of other realms have been paying taxes to the ghost king to avoid a war. A racketeering scheme.”
“I don’t know what a racketeering scheme is but yes, the ghost peace treaty does require that Asgard pay the ghost king gold and magical weapons every century and if we fail to pay that price, then the peace treaty will be broken and Asgard will likely be forfeit.”
“That’s a racketeering scheme!”
“Well then yes.”
Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. It was clear the man’s headache was only growing stronger as he walked through the information the two gods had dumped into his lap this morning. Thor and Loki both had rushed into his lab and started babbling about world ending threats and how they might possibly be absolutely screwed.
“So, now there’s a new king. Which means a new peace treaty has to be signed.” Tony said the words ‘peace treaty’ in the same way he’d say ‘nuclear bomb’ or ‘Steve Rogers’.
“I thought you said it was a racketeering scheme?” Loki asked.
“Shut it.” Tony hissed.
“A new treaty must be signed.” Thor repeated, trying to keep the three of them on track.
“And since the last king Pariah Dark was so powerful that he made the entirety of Asgard tremble, you’re pretty sure this new king, Phantom, is probably worse.”
“Pariah Dark had the power to suck entire planets into the afterlife, destroying them,” Loki said looking at his nails. “Stands to reason that a ghost powerful enough to defeat him could do much, much worse.”
“Right. Fantastic!” Tony practically shouted.
“I don’t think anything about this is fantastic.” Thor admitted, he was ignored.
“And according to you Asgard has been paying the ghost tax for both their realm and ours since we were under Odin’s protection. And since Hela and Sutur destroyed your entire planet and your entire people are refugees, now we have to figure out how to keep an ultrapowerful ghost from wiping out our home without any way of paying him.”
“Technically we don’t know if Phantom is a ‘he’.” Loki pointed out unhelpfully.
“The letter literally says he’s a king!”
“Could be a title. What do the dead have need for gender?”
“This is not the point of this discussion,” Thor cut in before an argument about the usefulness of gender and the concept of a female king burst forth. “We’re here to figure out how to make peace with King Phantom without resulting in a war that would destroy our world and our peoples.”
“We don’t even have Earth’s mightiest heroes anymore.” Loki said, referencing the painful results of the civil war and the Accords.
“We’re fucked.” Tony decided.
“Yes,” Thor agreed. “We probably are.”
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