#ill be posting both this and the next chapter btw

[short-honey-badger]

Stuck Between the Gator and the Flamingo

*PREVIOUSLY WARLORDS' ASSISTANT*

Wanted to try my hand at some Crocodile x Reader x Doflamingo. Hope you enjoy it! This is also the fic I've got posted on AO3, but I wanted to share Chapter 1 here since it can be read as a stand-alone. Any comments are welcome! Thanks!

BTW! If anyone is interested in being a beta, let me know! I can always use the help.

Warnings! NSFW, size difference, phone sex.

Masterlist

Come read more on A03! -> HERE

Being the personal assistant to one warlord had been tough for sure, but apparently you've done a good enough job that you were picked to be the assistant to a second warlord. So now, you split your weeks between Sir Crocodile and Donquixote Doflamingo. This week you were with Crocodile, the easier of the two warlords to deal with. Doflamingo was more of a spoilt child than a man. You'd found that out the hard way. Speaking of the man child, the blond would not stop calling your personal den den mushi, and you could tell that the constant ringing was getting on Crocodile's last nerve. 

"What is so damn important that the 'Mingo has to call you on my week?" Crocodile snarled and suddenly reached over and grabbed the snail from your limp hands. His sharp teeth almost split his usual cigar.

You watch in shock as the warlord answers the snail call, "Why are you calling her when you know this is my week?" He growled into the receiver. Smoke curled from his mouth as you watched it curl in the low light of his office. 

"Fu Fu Fu, Croco you sound jealous. Do you not like it when I bother our pretty assistant?" Doflamingo crooned over the speaker, and you watched Crocodile's face contort in rage. "I'm sure she'd much rather be here in paradise than in your dreary, dusty, desert anyway."

At that moment, you think that Crocodile might break your den den mushi, but the man's expression changed from rage to one of calculation. His golden eyes flick back and forth between you and the speaker before a grin begins to curl along his lips. Crocodile takes the cigar from his mouth and stubs it out, and you feel your stomach drop. This wasn't good.

You let out a startled yelp when the man suddenly snatches his ringed hand out and catches your wrist. He pulls you into his lap and wraps his other arm around your waist, keeping you there easily. 

"How about we ask her?" The warlord rumbles and sat the receiver down. His hook slipped under your chin, forcing you to gaze up at Crocodile. "Tell us, who would you prefer to stay with, Darling?" He cooed to you, grin matching his namesake. 

You blush from the roots of your hair to the tips of your toes. This was not how you'd imagined your evening to be going. Sure, both men have been open about their attraction to you, but neither has done anything about it. Until now, apparently. 

"I uh. I don't think I should be choosing like this." You say and squirm in Crocodile's lap. You should get off. This isn't appropriate, but the big man just pulls you closer to his chest and tightens his arm. "I'm not worth the two of you arguing anyway." 

You are close enough to the den den mushi to see its facial expression, and it doesn't look happy. The arm around your waist clinches hard enough to make you gasp, eyes going wide, and you tense when Doflamingo speaks. 

"Don't say things like that, Angel." He says, and you shiver at the dark tone of voice. To your surprise, Crocodile agrees with the bird. 

"You are one of the few things Birdbrain and I agree on. Do not speak ill of yourself. You are more than deserving of both of our attention." Crocodile rasps, and you can tell it is an order and not a suggestion. 

"Y-yes, Sirs." You say loud enough that Doflamingo can hear. Your face is bright red, and you fight not to squirm anymore in Crocodile's lap. 

"Fu fu fu." Doflamingo laughs over the speaker and you can hear him adjust. When he speaks next, his voice is much closer to the speaker, and you can hear the heat and lust that drips from his tone. "Good girl. But maybe she should be warned of her punishment if she doesn't listen to us again, eh, Crocoman." 

Crocodile laughs and brings up his hand to thread through your hair, tilting your head back again so he can peer into your glossy eyes. 

"Kuhaha ha ha. I think you are onto something, 'Mingo." He rumbles. You gasp when his hook snags your shirt. It tears like butter, sending buttons flying and the remains falling from your shoulders. The sharp point catches your bra as well, sending it flying and leaving your breasts bare to the cool air of Crocodile's office. "Let's give our assistant a preview." 

You burn in embarrassment, cheeks flaming and you raise your arms to cover your breasts. You don't know what is going on, why the men suddenly decided today would be the day they would have you. Even if one of them was thousands of miles away. 

"How does she look, Crocodile?" Doflamingo demands. Gods. His voice had dropped to a husky whisper full of sin and it sent shivers up and down your spine. 

"Delightful." Crocodile says and you flinch when he suddenly pushes your arms down and away to expose you again. Crocodile eyes you like a man starved and you find yourself folding into yourself. You've never received such attention from men like Crocodile or Doflamingo before. It makes you nervous. 

"You should see her, 'Mingo." Crocodile continues and without prompt reaches out and pinches your right nipple, causing a sequel to leave your lips. "Perfect tits, flushed and beautiful." He applies just enough pressure to have you gritting your teeth, heat pooling in your gut and your eyes clinching shut. You couldn't watch this. 

You hear your other boss groan over the den den mushi, "Do that again. I want to hear our little assistant come undone." He hisses slowly. 

Crocodile does so, thick fingers pinching your nipple harshly and enjoying the way you hiss at the motion. He massages the sensitive bud and pulls you closer so that he can place soft kisses on the side of your neck. You can't help the moan that escapes you, skin shivering and hips jerking in the warlord's hold. "St-stop," you whine, hands coming up to curl around Crocodile's wrist in a poor attempt to stop the man. 

The men laugh at your pitiful sounds and Crocodile redoubled his efforts by moving on to your other nipple. You keen when he suddenly bites down, eyes flying open to watch the dark-haired man palm your breast. Tears come to your eyes when he pulls away to kiss his bite mark and you can feel his smug grin against your neck. 

"Does that feel good, Angel? Having that big hand touch you? Doflamingo purrs over the den den mushi. In his palace on Dressrosa, he sits at his own rarely used desk, pants unbuttoned and cock already hard and leaking. He'd been thinking about you all day and could picture you half naked in his Croco's grip. 

You blush even more at his words and bite your lip. It feels fantastic, but you weren't about to admit that. Especially not to two men who have such big egos already. Instead, you shake your head no. 

"Kuhaha ha ha." Crocodile grins down at you and shakes his head as if he is disappointed. "Now, now. Don't be like that, Pet. Use your words, tell us how you feel." He crooned and niped your ear. 

You shake your head again. "N-no! I don't want this. Any of this!" You deny hotly though your body easily betrays you whenever Crocodile lays his hands on your delicate skin. You ache for these men, thighs shaking and core begging to be filled. 

"Fu fu fu. Hear that? I think she is lying to us." The Bird accuses and you feel your blood run cold at the dark tone of his voice. That was never a good thing to hear with Doflamingo. 

"I'm not lying, Doffy." You whine lowly and know that you've only dug your grave further when both of them laugh at you again. Clearly, neither of them believe you, and you can't blame them. 

Suddenly, you are shifted back and in a swift movement, Crocodile tucks his thighs between your own and shoves your legs open. Your skirt rucks up against your waist, exposing your underwear. You are completely vulnerable in this position and it makes fear and excitement mix inside you. 

"Mhm. I think she is 'Mingo." Crocodile rasps and his hand finds your clothed sex. He swipes over the black fabric and your yelp, bucking your hips at the unexpected gesture. You hear your boss inhale deeply and feel his grin. "She wouldn't smell this good, otherwise." 

"Crocodile!" You hiss, embarrassed beyond belief that the man would say such a vulgar thing. You grunt when his hook slips under the band of your underwear and the elastic slips, snapping back against your sensitive skin. 

"My name next, Angel." Doflamingo crooned and you flush hotly. Everything feels overwhelming and over sensitive. It makes tears come to your ears and you suddenly wish that the other man wasn't thousands of miles away. 

Crocodile snakes a hand down your front, rough fingers sending shivers down your back. He finds your clothed sex and strokes the fabric, grinning when he notices the damp spot. He presses down and rubs, humming and bucking his own hips up when you gasp at the sudden pleasure. "Come on, Pet." He says and swipes his fingers again, the friction almost too much against your clothed clit. "Say his name, and I'll give you everything you want." 

His thumb presses hard against your clit, turning in a slow, maddening half-circle that has you bowing forward and crying out. Your eyes open again and you watch the hand between your legs with intensity. Crocodile does it again and your mouth drops open in a keen, hips bucking and seeking that wonderful pleasure. 

"Say it." Crocodile demands of you and his deep, commanding voice finally has you surrendering. 

"Doffy!" You cry, eyes clinching shut as you sag back against Crocodile. His pace increases, rubbing your swelling clit harshly as you wiggle in his lap. The sight is lovely and he presses up into you, enjoying the way you rub yourself against his clothed cock. 

"Oh, Angel." Doflamingo praises over the receiver and you flush crimson at the reminder of your actions. What have you done? "Say it again for me. Crocodile, reward her for being a good girl." 

"Kuah ha ha." Crocodile's deep chuckle has your thigh twitching. He glances down, golden eyes watching you intently. His hook finds the elastic of your panties and he watches as shock flies over your face when he rips them from your body. Your mouth drops open in a gasp and you scramble to cover yourself from his gaze. However, his hand dives back between your legs before you can shut them, and easily pries your thighs open. 

"St-stop! I can't!" You cry out and the men just laugh at you again. Crocodile keeps your thighs spread with his hook and uses his free hand to grab your jaw. He tilts your head back and up, angling so that he can peer into your eyes. 

"Stop lying to us." He snarles and his eyes narrow into angry slits. Fear floods you, but your arousal skyrockets at the same time, leaving you in a muddled, confused mess in the pirates' hold. "You will take everything we give you." 

With those words, Crocodile jerks your legs open, exposing your core to the cool air of the office and shoves one thick finger into your leaking cunt. You hiss at the sudden stretch, eyes flying open to watch him pump his finger in and out of you, ear burning at the loud squelching sound that echoes in the office. 

Just as you felt like you were about to tip over the edge, Crocodile took his hand away and brought it up to his face. He examined your slick in the low light before sticking his finger into his mouth and licking it clean with a happy groan. "Wait until you can taste her, 'Mingo. Just like honey." The devil fruit user rumbled in delight. 

You whimper and whine, sounding more like a bitch in heat than a human sitting on her boss's lap. You glance down to see that your thighs are red and scratched, mostly likely from the golden hook that still sits between your legs. 

"Does it hurt, Angel?" Doflamingo croons over the speaker and you pick up the sound of skin on skin contact. The blonde was stroking himself to the sound of Crocodile playing with you, and the image that popped up in your mind had you groaning in delight. You found yourself nodding furiously, head thrown back to rest against Crocodile's chest. 

"D-Doffy, Crocodile, please!" You keen and gasp when the dark-haired man picks up his pace. His thumb meets your clit again and the warlord smiles at how wet you are just from what little attention he has given you. 

"That's it, Pet." He praises and watches in rapt attention when you shut your eyes and buck into his hand. 

Thousands of miles away, Doflamingo can picture his two lovers in his mind, the way Crocodile has you in his lap and all splayed out, ready to be devoured. He'd give anything to be able to kneel between your legs right now and drink straight from your source. 

"Give her another, Crocodile. I know she can take them." Doflamingo orders over the den den mushi. Crocodile doesn't disappoint and you gasp when another thick digit is added to your tight heat. Tears spring up at the stretch and your hips stutter as you come close again. You sob when that feeling falls away, leaving you pent up and wanting more. 

Doflamingo hears your groan and he picks up his pace, long fingered hand flying up and down his cock as he thinks about you. He whines, wrist twisting at teasing the head of his cock as he pictures you and Crocodile. 

Crocodile huff, golden eyes rolling as he listened to Doflamingo stroke his cock over the phone. The blonde is insatiable. However, he wasn't Crocodile's priority right now. You were, and he needed to give you a reminder that you belonged to them. His dick ached in his own pants, but he ignored it for now. He pumps his fingers faster, enjoying the sounds that your slick cunt makes as you leak around his fingers. 

The blonde couldn't wait to be the one to pull those gorgeous sounds from you. He could hear the heavy breathing of his fellow warlord and they mixed wonderfully with your high-pitched whines. 

"Fu fu fu, That's it Crocodile," Doffy purred. His other hand snaked down to squeeze his heavy balls, pulling a gruttle moan from the blonde, "Make her scream. I want to hear everything." 

Without warning, Crocodile shifts and adds a third thick finger to your weeping hole. You do scream this time, the stretch a mix of pain and pleasure causing you to bow over. His thumb comes back to your clit, rubbing harshly, until finally, finally, Crocodile allows you to come. 

"Ah-ahh ah." You stutter out, eyes clenched shut and mouth dropping open as you are overwhelmed. Your hips grind into his hand between your legs. Your boss doesn't stop or pull away until your hips stop twitching. Crocodile pulls his fingers from your slick cunt and then slurps them into his mouth to clean them. He grunts at your taste. 

"Hear that 'Mingo?" Crocodile grunts and Doflamingo can see the shit eating grin even thousands of miles away. "I think we can both say she prefers to be with me." He gloated. You peek up at the man and see that he looks incredibly proud of himself. 

Doflamingo whines over the phone. He is so, so close! "C-come on, Croco." His hips stutter and he throws his head back. Over the phone, he picks up the sound of Crocodile finding their assistants wet heat again. The Bird hears you whine and cry, breath heaving for release, and he spills over his tight fist. 

"What good pets." Crocodile praises and Doflamingo bites his lip to keep from keening at the praise. Crocodile was proud of both of his lovers and it showed in the tone of his voice and the small smile on his face. 

You are exhausted. Your body and mind are nothing but putty. Crocodile easily lifts your body and wraps his fur coat around your body. You whine when the movement causes the apex of your thighs to ache and Doflamingo shushes you gently over the phone. 

"Let him take care of you, Angel." He murmurs, tone full of satisfaction, "I'll be there as soon as I can." Like hell would he wait to see you and Crocodile after this. 

Crocodile hums, holding his assistant turned lover close to his chest. He glances down and sees that you've already fallen asleep and a small smile graces his face. 

"Hurry up, 'Mingo." He rumbles, and his golden eyes slip closed, "We are waiting for you." 

#fanfic #ao3 fanfic #one piece x you #one piece #one piece x reader #doflamingo x reader #crocodile x reader #crocodile x doflamingo #dofuwani #crocodile x y/n #crocodile x you #donquixote doflamingo #doflamingo x y/n #doflamingo x you #warlord’s assistant

[greeb-theartist]

Apocalypse yuri EHEHEHE

(TW for ripped skin and scars and blood on both icons BTW)

Hehehe I've been doing different versions of designs and finally agreed on these two for Wambus and Triffany:3

Wambus in my au is Pangender and Pansexual (He/It) , and Triffany is Bisexual and Trans (MtF, She/Her) !!!

For wambus, I just didn't like the strawberry jam on his face, and I wanted to change his hair cut a little bit

For Triffany I wanted her hair type to match more with Spike and Filbo (hence the puffiness I added to them)

Since I redesigned Spike, I'm working on the OG cast now!! I'm going to do Snorpy and Chandlo next (+Floofty) Since they're going to be playing big roles in the next chapters of my AU!

Ill post them tonight if I finish them, but enjoy Wambus and Triffany for now!!!

(I would write more about ther designs but I don't wanna go on a long rant so I'm trying to keep it short, also sorry for so many redesigns recently my art is going through it rn /nf)

#bugsnax #wambus troubleham #bugsnax au #bugsnax grumpus #deadsnax au #bugsnax wambus #triffany lottablog #bugsnax fanart #bugsnax art #fanart #bugsnak #bugsnax triffany #wambus x triffany #triffany x wambus #yuri

[nautiscarader]

What the hecking heck has happened? - a post-not-really-mortem

What the hecking heck has happened?

So you might have noticed I have been absent for the past 2.5 months. So, where have I been? What has happened to me?

Well, you see, I got this magical music box, and when I opened it, I was transported into a different world full of talking frogs, toads and newts! I've had wonderful adventures, made lots of friends and-

Yeah, nope. I've been in a hospital.

WITH NO INTERNET

I feel you, Anne.

But let's start…

Serious warning: I will be describing my stay at the hospital, and it may get touchy for some of you. Proceed with caution.

Chapter 1: "Not so much Fall as Saunter Vaguely Downwards."

So in mid-November I fell from my bed. I have multiple sclerosis and for the life of me I couldn't lift up. I had lots of bruises, so I had to be taken to hospital to clean them and then do something more with my illness… But that is just the beginning…

Chapter 2: The ballad of lemon cocaine

So here I am, lying in bed, getting meds, and around day 3 the nurse brought me a small cup full of white powder. I looked at her and blurted out "What am I supposed to do with it, snort it?" and she replied "No, sir, you're supposed to mix it in your tea or soup… " and she went away. That powder was some protein to help my wounds rebuild, btw.

But a few weeks down the line there was a twist: they gave me another powdered drink, and this one was lemon-flavoured! So I was mixing them up and called it "lemon cocaine". And it was delicious.

Chapter 3: And then shit happened

There is this nasty thing called Clostridium which gives you diarrhoea. And I caught it. So for the next ten days… well, I was busy, shall we say.

Yeah.

Chapter 4: "we got robbed!"

Imagine my surprise when one day I get a call… from Police. Turns out someone broke into my and my neighbour's basements.

So I've had another thing to worry about.

For exactly two days.

Because the thief took my neighbour's power cutting tools… AND PUT THEM ON AN AUCTION SITE.

WITH LOTS OF PICS [READ: EVIDENCE]

So that went smoothly, we both recovered everything stolen.

chapter 5: Then I was robbed.

Of some shirts. Because I was putting my used shirts and shorts in a special, red garbage bag. What I did not know is that red garbage bags are used for hazardous materials.. you can guess what happened.

RIP to my original Wakfu kickstarter shirt.

Well, it had a rip, so…

Chapter 6: Return of the shit.

So… one day my doctor came and said straight to me.

Another 10 days…

Chapter 7: I am thick skinned

And that is a problem for applying cannulas (cannuli?). Those things they insert into veins to make drips work. Apparent;y my skin is thick and locating blood vessels was incredibly difficult sometimes. The record was 6.Six times they stabbed me until it worked.

And even when they worked,the band-aids they used just wouldn't stick to my skin.

Chapter 8: Hot potato, cold potato.

So here is a thing: I don't like lying next to a heater, especially at night. I have troubles with breathing, get sweaty, etc. So naturally, they've put me right next to one. But it was okay,cos I could just turn the knob to 0, right?

No,I couldn't.

One nurse couldn't.

Second one couldn't.

A PLUMBER couldn't.

So they had to move my bed to the opposite side of the room, with the plumber telling me he'd fix it.

That was the last time I have seen him.

But after a week they moved me from neurology to neurology rehab ward, where…

They've put me in a bed next to another heater!

But this time, there was a twist… or rather,there wasn't. COS THERE WAS NO KNOB.

It took them three weeks to find one.

Chapter 9: Rehab

So I was moved to a rehab ward, where every day I was being stretched, twisted and reassembled so I can move a bit better.And honestly, all the workers they were flipping fantastic - so compassionate, so understanding with patience of saints. I will cherish time I spent with them forever.

Chapter 10: Christmas on closed ward

Time moved on, and, well, Christmas has arrived. And we've had a really neat Christmas eve celebrations! I even got an unexpected present - the mother of another patient in our room (of 4) got each of us a Gilette razor - kinda useless for me,since I was using electric one, but it was so neat, wrapped in red ribbon and all! And she baked us all cakes! And brought a small Christmas tree. Luckily, I had some sweets of my own, I gave them in return. I know it may sound silly or insignificant, but it really was a heartwarming moment.

Chapter 11: In which I became Mr. House

So, no joke, all this time as I have been lying and doing nothing, I was composing this post in my head, with gifs. And one joke would have been that I looked like this:

but I felt like this:

Well.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

Imagine my surprise when one day my rehab guy put me onto THIS COCKING MEDIEVAL TORTURE RACK.

I mean, I have always suspected that irony is another force in our universe, but that has to be a definite proof, right?

I was actually feeling pretty down that day, but when I saw this, I started laughing like a maniac. I explained the joke, since he never played FNV, but he laughed too. We started calling it "mr House treatment".

Chapter 12: The wheelchair.

Around week before Christmas, I was put for the first time on a wheelchair.And after a month of being immobile… it was exhilarating,to finally be able to do SOMETHING on my own.

And then mid-January I got my own! For free! Something something government funding, something something disability insurance, yadda yadda, who cares? I now had a wheelchair!

So for the next two weeks I have been training to make my body adjusted to my new permanent part.

And then… I was out.

AND THEN I NEARLY THOUGHT THE THIEF STOLE MY ROUTER. But no, it was simply hidden for cleaning.

So all this time I have been thinking, which character should I try to identify with?

Maybe Oracle?

Or that kid from that one ATLA episode?

But then I realised there is only choice…

I AM NOW COCKING DAVROS!

So, what now?

As of right now, I am officially disabled.

I take tons of meds, have nurses to help me, and I have to learn to live anew.

It is tough, sometimes really tough.

So I ask you all to be a bit more patient with me.

I will be slower with updates, fics, etc. because I am slower now IRL.

But know that if you are reading this, then you are my friend and I love you.

Oh, and speaking of fics.... Nah, I'll leave it as a surprise ;)

Oh and here is an unnecessary sequel!

[commehter]

Have I Mentioned my Wariness of OCs?

The next two chapters (29 & 30) of SToFLO are looking like they're going to be completely from OC perspectives. They're the right POV for intriguing storytelling, I think, but I'm a bit irritated with myself for breaking from Zu-Ozai's (or even canon!character) POV for that long.

It's my own hangup regarding fanfic, but I've read so many author's darling OCs that I've developed an aversion to focussing too much on my own OCs. My OCs are generally created to fill out the cast and bring the world to life, not hog attention. I know OCs aren't what the audience is reading a fanfic story for -- We're here for the characters we've already come to love and their adventures beyond canon in a world that fascinates us. -- and yet, the next few scenes play better from a FN guard's and WT prisoner's outsider POV and I don't have any canon characters to fill those roles.

I suppose I could sacrifice some of the worldbuilding to switch the POV, but I have some tentative plans for the future that would be best setup as early as possible. (There was more worldbuilding that already got cut for flow reasons, btw.)

The real kicker (for good or ill, the jury is out) is that while writing chapter 29, I suddenly realized that between Yasu (FN guard) being largely based on season 1 Zuko and Kallik (WT prisoner) taking on an increasing resemblance to Hakoda, I've effectively created some kind of reverse, bootleg version of Salvage by MuffinLance. So, great news! The character dynamics are definitely fun to play with! Less great news, I've inadvertently created a (nearly) direct comparison point for my own storytelling and original characters to an author that is legendary for both in my fandom. ...Help! (Yes, I understand it's not a 1v1 death match competition, but still, intimidating!)

Oh well. Despite my reluctance to focus in on OCs in fanfic and the trepidation/amusement at accidentally creating Twilight Zone!Salvage, I do think the chapters are solid writing. So I'm moving on to proofing and post-prepping chapter 29.

See y'all on the 28th! Happy reading!

#commehtating #actual blog post #author woes #the spirit tale of fire lord ozai #original character #fanfic #fanfiction #avatar the last airbender #atla

[tarabyte3]

No question, just wanted you to know that you're lovely and talented and I hope you're doing ok (hopefull better than ok, you deserve it). ❤️

This is so fucking sweet and I appreciate it so much that every time I look at it, I start crying. Thank you for checking up on me 💖😭 I am struggling to find words to express how much it means to me.

So I am going to use this answer to post an update for everyone.

Short answer: I'm not doing great.

BUT I believe that anyone who is able and willing to share their mental health journey should. Both to normalize the struggle AND so that anyone else quietly going through the same thing doesn't feel so alone or as though it's their fault. Because it isn't our fault! We don't deserve this, and it's cruel our own brains tell us we do.

Also getting it out is just therapeutic sometimes!

Therefore the long answer under the cut.

CW: discussion of mental health and depression

I want to preface this with: I'm safe. I have no intrusive or physically harmful thoughts. 💖

But I'm really struggling. I feel like shit most of the time. Mentally, emotionally, and physically.

The winter blues have me in a chokehold and are preventing me from doing things that I enjoy doing to help me feel better.

When you're depressed, it can be difficult to do basic tasks. It can feel impossible to do things like self-care, exercise, or to work on creative projects.

I thrive on creative projects. I need enrichment in my enclosure!! When I don't have them or can't do them, it makes me feel actively worse.

I haven't been able to work on my fic because right now my brain is an undercooked scrambled egg in a mesh colander. I get about 100 words out (I'm at ~2.5k words for this next chapter, which is about half done, I would guess) and then I just stare blankly at my screen. Which sucks because I have the vision for what I want to write in my head (😏), but no way to get it to come out of my brain.

(Side note: thank god for gif making and Andy content because it's the one thread keeping me from bolting into the woods, never to return)

I also have a few home decor, painting, and craft projects I could work on, but I lack motivation due to depression.

It's just an ouroboros of "depressed so I can't be creative" and "need to be creative so I'm not depressed." 🙃

We're getting wave after wave of winter weather here (right now we're in a massive ice storm), which is keeping me indoors. Being cooped up is rough on me. I need to be active. I'm just a complicated houseplant—probably a calathea as we are both drama queens.

I'm also finding it difficult to exercise due to: you guessed it! The sads. My beloved rowing machine, stationary bike, treadmill, and yoga mat sit neglected.

I am also eating far too much bread. Which, while immediately satisfying, is unfortunately not a long term solution because it's actively contributing to me feeling worse 😂

I reached out to try and find a personal trainer to help with the lack of motivation, get me out of the house, have a routine, AND get some workout endorphins to kickstart my healthy habits back into gear, but I haven't heard a single thing back from any of them. Which is disheartening.

Especially since another fun symptom of depression is feeling completely fucking alone and ignored. Which is rude AF, btw.

I'm going to keep making Andy gifs and crossing my fingers that the weather lets up so I can leave the house. Maybe go to some thrift and antique stores or a plant store. That always makes me feel better!

So other than some far more personal struggles with having a chronically ill teenager, there you have it!

I appreciate all of you for helping keep me sane and connected, even though I haven't been logging on as much as I had been due to being too busy staring at a wall and contemplating whether or not I should eat more bread. (I should NOT. …or should I?)

Truly. Thank you. 💕🥹🥺

#tara irl #cw depression #cw mental health discussion #asks #responses

[kidflashimpulse]

I hope you know that every day I wonder what the FIVE messages from Cassie say in the first chapter of AAIT. And the three from blue. I may be mentally ill.

Anyways, hope things are going well for you. Don’t forget to drink some water for hydration <3

it’s okay, we are in the same mental institution together <33 lol

this is so sweet 😭<3 thank you, and i hope ur taking care too!!

now about what those messages said 😁😁 i guess we will never know

UNLESS

jk lol for now, i don’t think the rest of AAIT will go too much into bart’s friendship with cassie, but i do have a sequel to AAIT very roughly outlined (not complete yet) which has their friendship as somewhat central to it (atleast for now)

like for some reason i drafted up the first part of a chapter (? ) (idk wat it is tbh lmfao?) featuring the two on an undercover mission that….. let’s just say is very inspired by a certain movie LOL it’s actually too random so i might post it some day as an intermission between the two fics, i don’t know but it does feel so random in the plot (because it’s a mission flashback) also another total random mention to that story, it features The Ray from the YJ comics a little, which is just, so random. But for some reason, it kinda worked for the story 😂 idk

as for the messages, since i always found YJ bart and cassie being on the same wavelength of energy of being spontaneously passionate and active about everything and anything including the most random stuff, honestly its probably smn along the lines of:

- [which Clamulon are YOU Quiz, click HERE]

- btw r u still on for taking over for squad next Thursday or can i?

- i have a record to maintain u knw i need it pls

- btw which dress should i buy the girls r saying i gotta stop with the stars but it’s my brand like idk

- [article] “ Which came first Girl Wonder or Wonder Girl, find out HERE” do u see this shit ?!

or something like that 😭😭😭 i feel like the fact that they’re both public legacy heroes is a good source of bonding/understanding between the two

as with Jaime 👀 who knows, but he’s making his feature sooner than cassie so

also, thank you for reading AAIT <33 i appreciate it <3

#YJ asks #cassandra sandsmark #wonder girl #bart allen #young justice #impulse #kid flash #yj #jaime reyes #blue beetle #AAIT #the outsiders #dc #ray terrill

[mvybanks]

hi 🎶 back with more content to show u my love🤭

this is one of my fave songs called janam janam (approximate translation: this life and the next)

Ek jaan hai bhale Do badan ho judaa (we are one soul even if we have two bodies)

Meri hoke hamesha hi rehna Kabhi na kehna alvida (Always be mine, Never say goodbye)

Meri subah ho tumhi Aur tumhi shaam ho (You’re my morning ,And you’re my evening) (yes i am a firm believer in jj calling y/n his sunshine, his morning)

Tum dard ho Tum hi aaraam ho (You’re my pain And you’re my relief)

Meri duaon se aati hai Bas yeh sadaa (My prayers only call for this request)

Meri hoke hamesha hi rehna Kabhi na kehna alvida (be mine forever, never say goodbye)

OOOO special mention to:

has mat pagli pyaar ho jayga (don’t laugh or i’ll fall in love with you)

in my mind this line is set a few years in the past when they’re in denial of their feelings 🥹

YOU’RE MY PAIN AND YOU’RE MY RELIEF OH MY GOD that’s literally the chapter where y/n tells jj that they can’t be together and they both seek out comfort in a friend but they only want to be in each other’s arms😫😫

THE SUNSHINE THING YES YES YES (gonna post something real soon where jj calls reader sunshine btw👀)

DONT LAUGH OR ILL FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU🫠🫠 jj trying to resist her because she’s john b’s little sister, he can’t fall in love with her. but god every time she smiles at him, his heart squeezes in his chest and he can’t help but fall in love with her because she just makes it so easy, it’s impossible not to. omg omg and pope seeing the whole scene of jj looking at her every time she laughs when he thinks nobody is watching and there’s so much adoration in his look that he can’t believe how fucked his friend is

#jj maybank #🎶anon #say you won’t let go

[misiwrites]

4KINGDOMS RE-READ ADVENTURE & LORE POST part 1

alrighty. i'm reading my own fic from the start for the first time. obviously i've reviewed each chapter as i've posted it but i got issues with reading my own shit so. anyway. i have baileys, i can do this

and since i'm posting about this story now anyways, and i'd wanted to make posts explaining the lore and the process of creating the universe, i thought okay, two birds with one stone, i'll do both! i can discuss relevant things one chapter at a time.

Chapter 1 (prologue):

not much to say about this. it's a tiny bit cringe but hey. a line that i like alert!

[…] with each new generation that the crowns were passed down to, the holy beasts' magic only grew stronger within the four kings. It was up to the individual nations and their flow of history, however, to define the line between humanity and divinity.

this, and the one thing i liked and even now like in this prologue is the way i ended it with "Perhaps this was all an act of ill omen befalling the four kingdoms – as the world created by the holy beasts was about to come to its end." because it's like, someone opens this 200k+ word fic, and the first chapter says that the world is ending. you just started. and it's saying that it's ending. in 200k words

Re: Chapter 1 - THE LORE! THE LEGEND! THE WORLD OF THE FOUR KINGDOMS! the prologue really breaks down the basics. it's a world with four countries. each was created by one holy beast. the countries are also shaped like the beasts, i traced the shapes from some illustration on google. the characteristics of each country are straight out of the wuxing concept and how the four symbols are connected to it. azure dragon represents wood, so the east is the greenest country. the wood element is connected to the direction of east and the spring season and so on and so forth. the basic building blocks for the world were really just handed to me by beyblade canon and i used them like legos.

Chapter 2: takao complaining about ralf & sneaking into kyouju's house to eat dem noodles

takao is so sassy towards ralf. but i guess he always is. good i nailed that from the first paragraphs

i clearly completely forgot that there are annual fencing tournaments. i went to change the month (moon) in stealth shhhh you saw nothing

the chapter is just a lot of exposition. i think i wrapped it up pretty nicely, IIRC it took considerable planning and reshaping to get an opening chapter that's somehow simultaneously concise and informative and fun. this basically lays down all the relevant information about takao in one go. he's so good at fencing he wants to learn sword fighting already, he doesn't care about formality, he misses hitoshi who left ten years ago, he likes to eat, ralf is there. and wants to go on adventures. a lot of things that will carry through the entirety of the fic. not bad

Re: Chapter 2 - THE LORE! THE MONTHS A.K.A. MOONS! these are literally just finnish translated directly into english. month in finnish is kuukausi, "moon season", but we talk about moons. "tässä kuussa" in this moon i did that, "ensi kuussa" in the next moon gonna go there. this is the reason i made sun and moon always capitalised, to make a difference. there's no such difference in reality in colloquial finnish btw

a complete guide for the good audience January: Heartmoon (tammikuu -- actually "oak moon" but, it's an etymology thing) February: Pearlmoon (helmikuu) March: Earthenmoon (maaliskuu) April: Glebemoon (huhtikuu) May: Sowmoon (toukokuu) -- this means sowing, but i afterwards realised a sow is like, a pig. so now the moon name is kinda. not what i wanted June: Summermoon (kesäkuu) July: Haymoon (heinäkuu) August: Harvestmoon (elokuu) September: Autumnmoon (syyskuu) October: Dirtmoon (lokakuu) November: Deathmoon (marraskuu) -- truthfully i'm not sure if this was deadmoon or deathmoon. i'll find out when a mention of it comes up December: Yulemoon (joulukuu)

Chapter 3: rei hangs out in a tower and finds out he's going north in two weeks. thanks for nothing olivier

i was surprised by how much good(?) exposition i put in this one too. the first sentence already establishes that rei wishes he was free but isn't. there's a pretty tight summary about him having a deity status that robs him of all agency. the first paragraph alone somehow manages to pack the information that the west is very industrialised and kind of bleak. i don't dislike this

mao hanging out there with galux at the start makes a bit of a false premise though. later on it becomes clear she's not there often at all and galux doesn't even appear ever since (note to self, it's her beloved little kittycat)

rei being snide about making olivier climb the stairs to the tower is pretty funny. also, rei saying how he would have preferred the south over the north. wow sweet summer child

Re: Chapter 3 - THE LORE! THE TIGER MAPLE PALACE! this palace causes me so much trouble like you have no idea. it probably shows a bit in the progession of the story that i don't fuckign know what it looks like. the layout is essentially copied from the forbidden city which is the old imperial palace in beijing, and the concept of it being divided into inner and outer court is IIRC from the twelve kingdoms, the series that this fic is mainly inspired by. originally i wanted tiger maple to be more of a, like, actual fantasy palace that defies the laws of physics, like in 12kingdoms the royal palaces have shit like top floors where the kings hang out somehow floating above the clouds. but i didn't think it through early enough and now it's more normal, i guess. the palace is surrounded by the gargantuan wall (which, by the way, was not mentioned in the first chapter so i guess i hadn't thought of it yet?) on three sides and by the tiger maple mountain on the fourth. it's lodged between a mountain range and in the middle of buttfuck nowhere. the good thing about it is that i've made it clear enough how the place is so big that i can keep inventing new locations inside the walls when i want.

Chapter 4: rei has a bad time travelling to the north, then has a good time being in the north, then has a bad time again

this chapter is longer than my small intestine. equally bumpy too

it's also weird to me now that i put two rei chapters in a row. i know this happens sometime later too but that would be a no-no to current me

mao having a wife moment in the beginning and rei not really appreciating it. hmm well i don't know how i feel about that. there's a very casual drop about her being his fiancee. this makes me feel like i started off writing them being closer than they ended up being later on. but. i'll take note of it

a lot just happens in here. i have no evidence but i can imagine this chapter being like a fucking trial testing readers' patience. i'd bet my left kidney that it's eliminated many.

rei and max meet for the first time and it felt very funny to me at the time of writing. well, i guess it's still pretty funny but kinda illogical in the "i wanted this to happen, so the characters are now gonna act like this" way. of course max would just fuck with rei first thing. not literally. in the prankster way.

a line that i like alert! kind of a fake alert because i went to edit it a little before copying it here. but you'll never know. you don't know what it said

I had assumed the sky to be void of all light, but as I now stood there staring at its upward depths, I saw a brilliant whirl of hues of purple blending in with the beautiful, velvety black. Against that glossy darkness shone the silvery crescent of the shy Moon, shrouded in a thin veil of clouds as if making a half-hearted attempt at concealing itself. The distant shine of thousands of stars dotted the arch of the sky and continued till the ends of the horizon, like gems embedded in fine folds of dark velvet.

really like this description of a shy moon half-heartedly hiding in clouds. that was good writing!

not doing a lore for this one because the chapter made me tired. i failed my own trial. oh but as like half-assed lore i can say that the ruins of the church that rei mistakenly calls a castle in this chapter is designed after the cathedral of my city. which is not in ruins. there's also no pool by it like in the chapter. but the environment, i based on my city. the north is meant to be a fusion of northern europe, italy, and the US, so it's easy to model resting palace (the capital) after the city i live in, because this place is old as dicks. and european.

this is part 1 of idon'tknowhowmany. depends on if i survive

#4kingdoms stuff #i read my own fic and die while at it

[horansqueen]

I’m sorry if you’ve already answered this, but are you pausing “headlines” to start the new story? Or was that the end? I love everything you write btw.

omg no im not pausing Headlines! im actually planning on posting the next chapter tonight or tomorrow! ill write both at the same time :) oh and thank you!!

#Anonymous #my fanfics #headlines

[zirkkun]

The Butterfly Effect (Part 1)

x prev || next >>

The Butterfly Effect (Undertale Fanfic - overall given a AO3 M rating) Prologue

+ sans x gender neutral reader (first person POV from reader)

+ 2701 words, english

+ fluff, explaining past experience; conflict with adapting to a new environment

+ takes place in the Underground; barrier is not broken

+ part of a series I’ve been passively writing, no idea when I’ll update. only have written the first two parts but have a vagueness of the whole story outlined

+ AO3 link

It wasn't a reality I ever expected for myself, but it was happening nonetheless. The very tip of a temperate finger, silky smooth without even the texture of a fingerprint to taint it, brushed against my cheek. A smile couldn't help but curl at the corner of my lips, mirroring the permanent, toothy smile plastered on the face across from me. A chuckle surfaced from the both of us the second I reacted to his motion; I leaned forward, pressing my forehead against his. The hand against my cheek slid to the back of my neck, the thin fingers fitting perfectly between the bumps of my spine, and pulled me just that little bit more forward to where the space between us was sealed, my lips pressed against his toothy grin. There were no opposing lips to lock mine to, but I no longer minded. That wasn't what mattered. Staying at his side, feeling the tender touch of his otherwise boney and rough fingers against my skin, and cuddling with his head cozily tucked under my chin as he held me close... Intimacy didn't have to be defined by following social norms.

But of course, leave it to me for being the one strange enough to date a skeleton monster before figuring this out. I guess some people just need to find out through extreme examples, myself apparently included.

Nevertheless, I didn't worry too much about it anymore. I used to be more self conscious about it, more hatefully self aware. But between him and his brother, not to mention their friends, I grew more accustomed to the idea of living with monsters no differently than I would any of my fellow human beings. Sure, it was a bit hard to stumble through this at first, but it's not like I was alone in adjusting to this new realization or lifestyle. I was alongside the monster friends I had made, who were adjusting to me living with them in this underground kingdom they called home.

I don't remember how I fell down here. It's been far too long by now. Maybe it was an attempted suicide? I'm not sure. My life outside of this place as a whole is just a blur, but I do remember I wasn't in a place of happiness. Angry about broken societal systems, feeling unable to adjust to the way the world was built just after I finally figured out how to work with my own self, and losing hope for the bright future I was once promised as a child. It would be no surprise if that's why I wanted to leave, why I came to the place where humans were rumored to never return from. And, frankly, I can see why. I don't want to leave this place. Here, I'm free of so many of my fears and worries. I'm free of hatred, debt, betrayal, and confinement. I could do and be how I wanted. The friends and family I've gained while living here are far closer to me than any of the humans I can even vaguely remember from on the Surface. But I didn't always feel this way; it took a certain skeleton to truly convince me to stay.

Until then, I'd been desperate to leave. Afraid of where I'd ended up. There was no one of familiarity around me -- not a single human being in sight for as far as I could see. Monsters of great variety were the only living creatures down here, ones that I couldn't have thought of even for the most obscure of fantasy novels. I was scared, despite the kindness I had received. My fear peaked when I met a murderous buttercup, but slowly began to dip when my life had been saved by a kindly woman with thick fur and the complexion of an anthropomorphic goat. But it never really went away until much farther down the line. Not even through many puzzles, dates, and playful japes did I even really teeter off the edge into security.

It had been blisteringly hot; used to the moderate temperatures from above, the volcanic heat of the lava pool city was not something I could handle well. With the lights of the bright resort coming into view is when I saw him waiting, his stained and tattered old jacket truly obvious amongst the glam and glitz of the Hollywood-like building behind him. His smile was the same as it always was -- while at that time, I hadn't known, but it was false, hiding a pain only he carried then. And yet, even then, when I saw it, the stress hanging in my heart was lifted for just a brief moment. He'd asked me back then if I wanted to get lunch with him, since he was on break. Having yet to develop any feelings, I agreed without much thought whatsoever. "Great, thanks for treating me," he had joked, earning a laugh from me.

We hadn't actually ordered anything. Rather, we just stood across from each other on opposite ends of one of the decorated tables, talking for quite a long time. He told me of the time where he started making jokes to a woman through the door to the Ruins, who I could only assume was none other than the woman who had helped me when I fell down here. But his tone had drifted off when he told this story; his eye contact was lost, that false smile ever so faltering to his thoughts. I hadn't even gotten the chance to ask what was wrong before he answered that question for himself. "Y'know, kid, what drives you to leave this place? You've already got so much down here... What else do'ya need other than some good friends, good food, and some bad laughs?"

I thought about it for a moment. I think he was going to brush aside the topic after my initial response of silence, but I had stopped him, interjecting with my own thoughts. "I don't know," I had answered truthfully. "I don't know what's driving me. I don't remember anything good from where I came from... All I know is that I'm scared, and I want to go back to where things are familiar."

He didn't know how to respond when I said that. That moment is probably the most shocked and unprepared for something I have ever seen him in my entire life. His smile's falseness revealed its truth, slipping away as he stared at me completely dumbfounded of the words that had fallen from my mouth. It was as if he had been hoping to hear someone say that for years. As if he had been begging for someone to answer his question. That broken false smile slowly turned itself into something more genuine as he continued our conversation. "C'mon, now. There's no reason to be scared. Sure, there's a lotta folks who keep ravin' about how your SOUL will free us, but at the same time, you don't have to step forward and tempt the king if you don't wanna." He had shrugged, hands still buried deep into his jacket pockets. "But, I'm not the one livin' your life. You do you. I ain't gonna tell you what you should or shouldn't do, not now."

I had let his words soak into my mind, deeply considering the suggestion he was ensuing. I couldn't help but wonder: what was normal life down here? I'd somehow managed, with my frail self-worth and lack of bravery, to befriend many of those who lived here. There was next to no one alive in the Underground who still wanted to hand my extracted SOUL to the king. With that knowledge, it clicked: it was safer for me here than it was anywhere else in this world. The moment this thought grazed my mind, I was already saying, "Do you know anywhere I could stay?"

I'd thought he was going to cry when I said that. I still don't know why it struck him the way it did, just my asking if he knew someone I could stay with. But regardless, he let me stay with him and his brother.

For a while, I lived on their couch. It wasn't particularly the most comfortable of living conditions -- the old, raggy, stained, and ripping couch was awful compared to my previous, yet very-below-average mattress -- but even so, the skeletons' cozy house eventually became my home. I even began calling it that only a few weeks into living here. Something about living here just clicked. Even when I woke up to aggravated yelling, one brother telling the other to get up and go to work, I couldn't help but just giggle and relax in the environment. They were a chaotic pair, those two, but they were inexplicably generous and beyond kind. I couldn't help but consider them as family in such short time. And, well, in the case of one... I couldn't help but fall in love.

I hadn't meant to. But that's always how it goes, isn't it? No one ever means to fall in love. At first, actually, I hated it. I hated myself for it. The mere sight of him made me paranoid. He became confused as to why I would suddenly reject every moment he was so much as in the same room as me, but I couldn't answer. How could I? I was still adapting to the life of merely living without the presence of humans -- my internal morals screamed at every turn that this was nothing but wrong and disgusting. No one wants to hear that about themselves. Not to mention, these monsters were still getting used to me, as well. To me, they were the weird ones, but to the greater society, I was the odd one out. The anomaly. Why should, by any means, should this guy accept my feelings, when there's thousands of people of his own kind surrounding him?

I hadn't meant to confess to him ever, truly. Had it not been for that one night where a dark dream swallowed my sanity whole, I don't think I would have ever said a word to him. But, as it is, no one ever chooses to have the dreams they do, either.

I had woken with a yelp and a jolt. The vague snowy light from the window above me still shimmered, despite the hour; adjusting to the time within an underground cave had been a bit of an interesting challenge. But I digress: at this point, such things no longer bothered me. Now, the only thing on my mind was a horrifying nightmare, one terrible fear looping its imagery before my internal eyes over and over again without fail. I hadn't wanted to go to him about this, but I was nearly weeping with fear. Had I been able to, I may have gone to his brother instead to talk to, but unfortunately, this was one of the many nights he opted against sleeping and instead decided to work overtime. I had no other choice, if I wanted to get this horror off my chest, than to speak to him directly.

I had taken a deep breath once I reached his door, my hand shakily gripping the handle. At this point, even though we had been living in the same house for over a month or so, I hadn't even been inside his room. I didn't know if I was welcome. That stress, on top of the fear cycling through my eyes, caused more and more tears to form. I refused to let them fall, wiping them against my shirt as I pushed through and opened the door, allowing myself in.

"Sans?"

The soft whisper of his name had left my lips, each sound struggling to hold together in a cohesive word. I had taken another step in, repeating his name, more softly the second time. The room had been pitch black, and there was barely even any sound to indicate someone might be living in there. Just when I had thought he was maybe too deep into his sleep to hear me, I had begun to turn around, only to register the sound of my name being sleepily strung together in a deep reply. Within that second alone, the dam holding back my tears broke loose; I hadn't wanted it to, but somehow, I had lost all control. I ran to the source of his voice, and without even so much as a thought or hesitation, threw my arms around his figure sitting at the edge of his mattress. He had laughed at first, until I let slip why I came to him in the first place.

"I'm so glad you're alive... I'm so glad I can hear your voice. I don't know what I would have done if that dream was real..."

His laughter fell silent. His body felt stiff in my grip, refusing to move or react for a very long time. Then, as if some instinct washed over him, his whole demeanor changed to hold me at his side and hush away my tears, assuring me he was alive and well with what seemed akin to the sound of desperation lacing his voice. His hands, however small and thin, were careful to caress me gently, reassuringly rubbing my back and softly stroking my hair. Such tender intimacy I had never felt before, and I wasn't so sure as to why I was feeling it now. The guilt of my feelings subsided for just a brief moment as I had nudged my nose into his collarbone.

"I love you, Sans. If you died... I don't know what I would do."

His actions didn't stop. Rather, the soft huff of a cheery chuckle was released as he pulled me closer, leaning in just next to my ear. "I love you, too," he whispered back to me. "Don't worry 'bout me dying on you. It won't happen. And I won't let you do go dyin' on me either, 'kay?"

I had laughed softly, joyfully accepting this response. After my tears began to cease, he still kept me close, and instead I fell asleep in his bed for the first time. In fact, from then onward, I never fell asleep on the couch again. Well, almost never.

His brother, while readily supporting us with open arms, couldn't bring himself to accept the idea of the two of us sharing a room for a fair amount of time. And just when he had started to grow accustomed to it, the two of us had to go and spoil it by... well, let's just say by being a bit too loud. His brother made me sleep on the couch that night. Needless to say, after that, anytime the two of us wanted to be a bit more intimate than usual, we didn't do it at home. Thankfully, his brother somehow wasn't concerned by us disappearing from the house every other night.

It took me, even still, quite a long time to adjust to the whole situation. It wasn't rainbows and sunshine after that. I still kept fighting myself against these feelings, despite being accepted and supported for the relationship I had involved myself in. That human societal morality still dug in my chest -- the society that I was no longer a part of. It was hard to convince myself that this was okay here. It was hard to convince myself that my actions were justified. It was hard to convince myself that everything was okay. It took a lot of bright smiles, soft cuddles, and genuine conversations to really allow myself to break through the old morals I no longer needed. It took me nearly six months to accept the fact that humans and monsters can live alongside each other without having to worry about their differences.

And now, I still remain here, right at his side. I could still feel the gentle touch of his fingertips against my skin as I drifted off to sleep by him for the thousandth time.

So I think you can imagine my fear when I woke up alone in a completely different house.

#undertale #undertale sans #undertale fanfiction #undertale fanfic #the butterfly effect #zircon writes #i do writing sometimes it's a thing #ill be posting both this and the next chapter btw

[s-brant]

Cherry Bowl (3/8)

(gif: @kiekiecarrera) (PART TWO) (PART FOUR) (SERIES MASTERLIST)

Summary: When Kie cancels their plans together, Y/N asks JJ on a date to the Cherry Bowl Drive-In. Unsure of how to navigate his first ever date, JJ seeks out advice. Unfortunately, the night doesn’t go as planned, and both parties are left shaken by miscommunication.

Word Count: 10.6k

Warnings: Smut, public sex/exhibitionism, sexual choking, angst, depictions of mental illness, post-traumatic stress disorder, and implied/referenced abuse.

A/N: Welcome back to Tokens! Slight trouble in paradise is brewing for these two lovers, so buckle up and read because it’s gonna be a rollercoster for a little while after what happens in this chapter. I hope you all like it, and if you did, feedback is very appreciated. Have fun!

"I'm just saying that oatmeal raisin is superior to chocolate chip, why is that such an egregious crime, Kie?"

The lunch room is filled to the brim with students going to town on questionably cooked frozen foods, soggy tater tots, and sugary drinks from the vending machines despite the Obama-era posters on the walls advocating for healthier school lunches that never seemed to make their way to Kildare County High. The extent of their healthy lunches extended to a serving of overcooked canned green beans served with the worst slice of doughy pizza known to human kind, so it was sort of contradictory.

Y/N sits across the table from Pope and JJ, the latter of which being the one who launched into a full-fledged debate with Kiara about which type of cookie was better.

The clear cling wrap sits, unfolded, on the table with one of her stickers neatly placed on the back of it. As consolation for his epic loss yesterday at the beach, she paid an extra .75 cents to get him it when she arrived first to their shared lunch period—one of only two class periods they have together, the other being gym. He was still in line when she peeled a surfboard sticker off of her sheet and placed it at the center of the wrapped up cookie as if to remind him of her triumph over him in the waves.

"Thanks, hot stuff," he said, voice somewhat quieter despite the fact that hardly anyone was in the cafeteria with them. Then his smile dropped into an deadpan expression as soon as he saw her choice of sticker and looked back up at her. "You're never gonna let me live that one down, are you?"

"Never in a million years. I'll be gloating about it until I'm elderly."

"That's my girl."

The sound of the constant chatter surrounding them from at least two hundred other people drowns out the memories of yesterday that threaten to haunt her when she watches him debate with Kie. The mere recollection of their night in the back of the van has her reaching to pull the collar of her cropped tee up to assure that the hickeys remain hidden on instinct, and he catches the action out of the corner of his eye. It has him fighting a smile.

Kie quips, "Maybe on another planet, but, here, I think we can all agree chocolate chip is better, right Y/N?"

Y/N's eyes widen around a forkful of mushy "green beans" at the sound of her name being said bringing her from the depths of her memories.

Usually, she's quick to jump in and give her two cents on whatever stupid back and forth they're all having, but her mind was elsewhere. Unbeknownst to Kie and Pope, she was mentally reliving every second of getting fucked in the van last night, so her attention to detail when it comes to the Chocolate Chip vs Oatmeal Raisin case isn't all too sharp.

"Uhhh," she stops for a second, looking at the half eaten chocolate chip cookie in Kie's hand, "If I say chocolate chip is better, can I get a piece of it?"

Kie's face lights up at her words, and she's already pulling off a generous chunk of the baked good to hand off to her. The sound of a certain someone whose lap Y/N's legs are outstretched onto from beneath the table scoffing distracts her from the first bite.

"I know you prefer oatmeal raisin, you traitor," JJ says.

Their brunette friend's brows scrunch.

"Why is she a traitor?"

They try to keep from making any faces or giving anything away, but Y/N has to stifle the sound of her choking on her mouthful of cookie at the question. You'd think one of them came out and asked if they were dating or something with how she reacts, and she feels JJ squeeze her ankle in a non-verbal way of telling her to hold it together. It was her idea in the first place, yet he's a lot smoother with keeping it under the radar.

Under it all, the aspect of keeping it a secret does unnerve him to a degree. He doesn't think he'd be brave enough to communicate it, especially not when their relationship remains undefined, but the darker side of his mind wonders...

He shrugs, saying, "Cause we were friends first. Duh. Other than John B, I've known her the longest."

None of them stop to acknowledge the identical aches in their hearts at the mentioning of his name. They skip right over it like it never happened. After the funeral a few days ago, they've filled their quota on mushy-gushy sad talk for the next week and a half.

The real reason is something far more complicated than him having a claim staked on her loyalty through having the longest friendship. It's something tied up in days of slowly getting pulled into one another's worlds like the tug of gravity itself, in how he has to refrain from slipping his arm around her waist in the hallway or kissing her goodbye after a sleepover at the Chateau. But until she gives him the go-ahead, he won't let it slip to anyone.

Pope speaks up from beside him, "You literally met her twenty minutes before we did."

"Still counts. Technically, I did meet her first, so her betraying Team Oatmeal Raisin is enough to be tried for treason in Pogue Court."

"Pogue Court isn't a thing."

He crosses his arms after he pops the rest of the cookie into his mouth.

"It is now. You can be tried for treason for breaking the rules. Rule number one is that all Pogues have to admit oatmeal raisin is superior."

He's about to ball up the cling wrap to throw away later when the surfboard sticker catches his attention again. It's the same color as his board, which he'd like to think is a result of her being an evil mastermind that went out to get this sticker sheet for the sole purpose of teasing him, but he's the one who got her the sheet as a gift for her birthday, so he knows it was pure coincidence.

Last second, he peels the sticker away from the cling wrap and looks down to place it over the top of her yellow converse that were once a vibrant, paler color when Big John got them for her, but have since turned into an ugly mustard/dirt-dusted color they heckle her over.

"What are the other rules?" Y/N asks.

One of the hands holding onto where her feet are casually planted in his lap, something that they've done long enough that their friends won't see it as anything odd, slides down to caress the stretch of skin beneath the frayed hem of her dark jeans. Something she didn't know about him before whatever it is they have together started was that he constantly needs to be touching her. She can't say she doesn't love it though.

Pope answers, "The oatmeal raisin rule is not official"—a pointed glance at JJ—"But I'd assume the rest of the rules of Pogue Court would be no lying and no macking."

"So, basically you two break almost every rule except the oatmeal raisin one, and I lie," JJ says and turns to look at her, "How does it feel to be better than everyone, Y/N?"

"Pretty good, not gonna lie."

He keeps caressing little circles and tracing up and down her skin beneath the flared out pant leg of her jeans while he swipes his phone off of the table top without attracting the attention of their friends, who continue on to a new topic. She isn't too focused on what it is. She only picks up that it has something to do with a class they're in that's more advanced that hers, so she promptly checks out of the conversation.

Ever since John B died, she hasn't been performing too well in school. She tries, truly tries, but her mind outright refuses to absorb any of the information. When she reads her assigned reading, she hovers over the same paragraphs over and over until she shuts the book in a huff and hides it in her backpack again. Losing someone you love has a surprising amount of side effects.

Her phone buzzing in her hand brings her away from the impending cloud of doom that often accompanies any thoughts of John B, and when she taps in her passcode, her brother's birthday, a message bubble appears with a banner displaying JJ's contact name.

JJ (Derogatory) ur a good liar. prob could've fooled me if i weren't the one macking on u

Their eyes meet for a second across the table, then he watches her thumbs move to type a response.

Kief Princess Little do they know I break every rule now that I've switched sides on the cookie debate. Kinda impressive ngl.

JJ (Derogatory) triple threat, baby

JJ (Derogatory) thanks for the cookie btw

She smiles to herself, so wrapped up in their own world that she doesn't notice everyone in the room starting to pack up their stuff in anticipation of the bell that is due to ring any second now.

Kief Princess Had to repay you for last night somehow ;)

When she glances up to see his reaction, she watches his chest rise with a particularly large inhale, and he chews on the inside of his lip in thought.

JJ (Derogatory) strategically bringing up last night so i'm turned on in physics? ur an evil mastermind

Kief Princess I try.

Kief Princess Apparently whooping your sorry ass at surfing isn't the only thing I'm good at.

She hears him scoff.

JJ (Derogatory) first of all, ouch. second, u barely beat me

Kief Princess I'm happy to challenge you to a rematch. I have plans with Kie tonight, so I can't till this weekend. All it'll prove is that I am the rightful winner, but we knew that already.

JJ (Derogatory) what r the stakes this time

Kief Princess No sexual favors. If you beat me (fat chance) I'll formally rejoin team oatmeal raisin.

JJ (Derogatory) :( sex makes it more fun but i still accept those conditions

JJ (Derogatory) team oatmeal raisin needs u, even if ur a traitor

Kief Princess Why bet sexual favors if you're just gonna fuck me after anyway?

JJ (Derogatory) good point

The sound of the bell ringing echoes through the cafeteria, and they both pop their heads up from their phone screens to see everyone, including Pope and Kie, already packed up and raising from their seats to scurry off in the direction of their next classes. Meanwhile, their stuff is all bestrewn across the table, particularly JJ's belongings.

The sight of Kie walking away makes Y/N ask after her, "We're still on for tonight, right?

She stops with Pope's hand interwoven in hers. The look on her face when she turns would make you think she got caught doing something she wasn't meant to. Something like forgetting about the plans they made last week to watch Fear Street together. The Cherry Bowl Drive-In is premiering the first two movies as a double feature for the horror movie buffs of Kildare, so they decided to get tickets. Kiara shares a fondness of horror movies with her. Since gory movies make the boys squirm, though JJ pretends they don't, it's their own thing.

"Actually, Pope and I were gonna go to the beach. I'm sorry."

JJ knows she's more upset about it than she lets on, but Y/N simply gives the pair a smile that doesn't reach the eyes.

The sound of JJ behind her makes them laugh on their way out, diffusing the minor tension lingering in the air from the awkward encounter, "Use protection!"

After their friends offer them a goodbye, they gather their stuff quite leisurely, not really caring about being late.

It's something they've talked about before here or there: her feelings surrounding Kiara and Pope's sudden relationship. It's not as if she harbors any ill feelings for them, she doesn't, but the ripple effects of their pairing on the group, and more importantly the girls' own friendship, couldn't be clearer from her perspective. Between the missed hangouts, forgotten plans, and the convenient way she never seems to have time to hang out with her and JJ unless Pope is there too, it's been building up for a month now.

What makes it sting the most is how close her and Kie used to be. They didn't hit it off immediately the way she and JJ did as children until her thirteenth birthday when no one she invited showed up to the party Big John helped her set up in the yard of the Chateau.

She was the one who rallied the boys together to walk to ask their school friends from the year above to come hang out for an hour or two, promising a slice of the wonky-looking but delicious strawberry cake her and John B spent the morning crafting together. She can remember the sound of their high-pitched laughs and the cloud of flour that hung in the kitchen when they high-fived over the finished product like it was yesterday. In her heart, it was yesterday.

That night was when she fell in love with her friends, and that was when she first knew Kiara was her best friend. They wove friendship bracelets on each other that night and wore them for years until they withered away. No one had ever done something like that for her before. Not even JJ.

"You okay?"

Feeling his hand on her arm, slipping down to take her hand for a moment in the seclusion of the empty cafeteria, makes her glance up at him with a distinct sorrow washed over her features.

You know what? Screw this. Why should she be torn up over Kie and let it ruin her excitement for the double feature tonight? There's no way in hell she's letting her best friend ditching her for her boyfriend get in the way of her plans.

"Do you wanna go on a date tonight?" she asks him abruptly, then adds, "To the Cherry Bowl with me instead of Kie?"

The question sparks a pause in his mind, a halt of hesitation in which he worries about her avoiding having to answer what he asked, but he attempts to play it cool and not fuss over her outwardly. There have been times where being treated like that has made her feel suffocated, so he doesn't want to risk it. When she's ready, she'll talk about it, and if she takes too long and buries her feelings, then he'll intervene. For now, he tries to keep his face neutral despite the frown tempting his lips at her disappointment.

JJ looks around once more before throwing his arm around her shoulder to walk her out.

"You bet your ass I do."

What is a person supposed to act like on their first date that's not actually a date cause everything between them is the same, but kinda is a date because they called it one? If you ever find out, please find JJ and tell him because he has no clue.

Pope wasn't too much help in the Instagram group chat he made for it seeing as his and Kie's relationship is too fresh, John B isn't even alive, so he's out of service for advice unless there's Ouija Board he can borrow, and, thankfully, Kiara was his savior.

Their phones began blowing up as soon as he reached his class after lunch period ended. He couldn't under any circumstances let it be known that this mystery girl he had a date with was their friend, but thankfully Y/N already had the alibi of going to the Drive-In alone. All he had to do was make up a fake date scenario and get basic advice.

danknugstickiestickies added kiara-c and popeheyward to the groupchat

danknugstickiestickies named the group HELP ME

danknugstickiestickies i have a date with this chick i met on the beach when i was out with y/n last week. i need ur advice

His phone screen lit up with the notification that both of his friends were typing, signified with the three dot symbol bouncing in the bottom left corner as he thought it through. They couldn't possibly figure it out, right? They'd been careful, he'd been respectful of her wishes, and they'd been too busy together to notice anything new with them. He figured it would work. It was a risk, sure, but it was worth it to him. He didn't want to fuck this up with her.

Knowing her, she probably wouldn’t even treat it differently than any of their other hang outs. It's not like they haven't been romantic or sexual with each other. They've done everything but go out on an actual date, so why was he nervous?

kiara-c ummmm

popeheyward Yeah, I'm gonna need you to ELABORATE!!

kiara-c did hell freeze over? since when does jj maybank go out on dates??

danknugstickiestickies renamed the group hell froze over

kiara-c very funny, I'm laughing so hard 😐

popeheyward Do we know her?

danknugstickiestickies don't think u do. she moved here last week and hasn't enrolled in school yet. her name's steph

popeheyward What about Y/N though?

kiara-c ^^

JJ's chest muscles tightened with the question prompting a rush of anxiety that made his breathing feel slightly harder. He glanced up at his Physics teacher, who was essentially dozing off behind his desk with his hand in a bag of chips and an educational video on the projector as an excuse to not teach, and looked back down at his phone without the added stress of possibly getting his phone confiscated.

Pope's message might as well have been a sucker punch. Forget butterflies, he set a wasp’s nest loose inside of his stomach to tie it into knots and flip it every which way. His neglected textbook served as a prop for his phone to lean on as he set it down to think.

Did they know? As far as he was aware, they were getting away with it. No evidence, concrete or circumstantial, was there to prove it. At least the stress of the situation killed any chance of him being turned on by her reminder of last night in their messages. This shit was boner repellant of the highest degree.

He played stupid. Better to let them volunteer whatever information they had before he went in saying anything incriminating that they didn't already know. If anything would sour the experience of their first date, it would be him accidentally making their strange in-between relationship public behind her back.

danknugstickiestickies ?? what do u mean

Three dots bounced in the bottom left corner of his slightly cracked phone screen.

popeheyward ...

kiara-c I mean, you don't see it?

danknugstickiestickies see what

popeheyward I guess we were wrong, but all of us always thought you two had some feelings going on.

"You don't say?" JJ murmured sarcastically to himself under his breath. "Never crossed my mind, Pope."

danknugstickiestickies bro that's jb's little sister

kiara-c so?

danknugstickiestickies forbidden fruit? making john b roll over in his grave? do those ring a bell or am i speaking in tongues

He was already a proficient liar in real life, but, fuck, it was easy in text messages. There's no chance at deciphering facial expression or tone, just a plain message with no room to budge. Thank God he didn't do this in person with them. He could've survived, but it wouldn't have been as quick and painless as the group chat was.

kiara-c jeez, sorry

Pope didn't voice it, but he noticed something.

He looked up from his phone and stared off at the wall in thought in his AP European History class. It piqued his interest that JJ simply said she was off limits, forbidden fruit as he put it, but did not outright deny having feelings for her. In fact, he didn't even address the question. He made excuses for why he shouldn't have feelings for her, but he never said he didn't have feelings for her.

Kie did not notice. Not because she wasn't smart enough to either, but because she was too busy hiding her phone behind her backpack to think too deeply about it. Her teacher was one of those teachers that would flip shit if they saw a cell phone turned off and faced down on the desk, let alone being used by a student during a lesson.

In his classroom across the hallway, JJ bounced his leg up and down beneath his desk in an absentminded urge to release the built up energy the anxiety produced in an over abundance.

popeheyward Our bad then. Even John B thought y'all were sus lmao.

Since when was that a known fact? Could he tell? Did he talk to Pope about him and Y/N before he died? Either way, it wasn't the time to pry about it.

kiara-c yeah you guys honestly could've fooled me if you wanted to

danknugstickiestickies well thank u, glad ur invested in our friendship but

danknugstickiestickies please help, i have no fucking clue how to act on a date and this girl is too cool for me to screw this up

That was when they finally dropped the interrogation session and started offering up tips. The best ones came from Kie, which made sense to him since women are more likely to know what other women like than two dudes who share one collective brain cell and never had real relationships.

Rule One: Be ready to pick her up five minutes early.

He wasn't ready to pick her up five minutes early. His bike broke down by the time he made it halfway down his street, so he had to push it back up the road and into the yard before setting off on foot to reach the Chateau quickly enough. And by quickly enough, it means he got there five minutes late, not early.

Rule Two: Compliment her after you get in the car.

She tossed him the keys to the Twinkie from across the hood, not giving him the chance to open the door for her, and it wasn't until they were setting off down the road that he remembered the next piece of advice he was given.

Side-eyeing her in his peripheral vision, he tried to find something to compliment her on specifically rather than the general compliments about her being pretty that she never fully believes when he says them. He was intending to say something about the skirt she had on, but when he chanced a glance over at her, she caught him and asked—

"What is it?"

Sent into panic mode, JJ blurted out instead, "I like your shoes."

He could've bashed his face against the steering wheel twenty times right then and there at the utter absence of reaction on her part for the next few uncomfortable seconds. It wasn't that it was a bad compliment. She appreciates any compliments at all...but her shoes were hidden from his view. Not to mention, they were the dirty, mustard yellow converse that the Pogues bash on a daily basis.

She laughed, lifting her leg to expose the sneaker on her right foot, and asked, "These? Dude, you roast me for these all the time. You and John B said they look like Big Bird shit on them."

The skin on the apples of his cheeks scorched hot with embarrassment, and he was never so glad that the overhead lights in the van were burnt out until that moment. He would've died on the spot if she saw him blush like that, face flushed pinker than sunburn. All he could do to save himself was murmur something about the color growing on him and keep driving in the direction of the theater with his hands white-knuckling the steering wheel he fantasized about banging his face into.

Rule Three: Insist on picking up the check.

In this case, it meant insist on buying the popcorn and drinks, and he miraculously managed to drop his wallet somewhere along the way when he ran over to the Chateau, so when he stepped up to the makeshift concession stand with her standing at his side, he felt around for his wallet in his jeans to no avail.

His thoughts echoed back to him, You gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously? Is this actually happening right now?

"JJ, it's honestly fine," she said softly as he leaned over to search back of the Twinkie for the wallet. "We can look for it on your street right now if you want. It has your ID and stuff, you don't want a stranger to have that. We don't need to stay—"

It took all of his control to not shout it in reaction when he said, "No way. You've been waiting for this, and Kie ditched you, so I ain't ditching you too. We're staying."

His wallet could go kick rocks.

He came too far to be dragged down by the old leathery piece of shit anyway. Would he go out and search for it tirelessly the second the date ended? Hell yeah, that fucker had twenty dollars and his debit card in it, but he couldn't bear the thought of abandoning her or ruining her anticipated movie night by taking her out to search the streets with their phone flashlights for a wallet they might not find. He'd wait till the movies ended, take her home, then haul ass around the Cut searching for it after.

Thankfully, he found a couple bucks crumbled up in his front pocket while she scavenged for coins in the glove compartment, and they came up with enough to buy a water bottle and small popcorn to share together.

Rule Four: Don't have sex on the first date.

And it may sound easy enough to not act like a complete Neanderthal for the length of two movies, but the girl makes it pretty damn difficult if he's to say so himself.

That's what led him here, laying in the back of the sideways-parked Twinkie in the farthest corner of the outdoor theater with her practically on top of him. In any other instance, he wouldn't be opposed in the slightest, but with the cursed fourth rule in mind, he isn't too thrilled with the feeling of her hand rubbing up and down his thigh.

It isn't even meant to be sexual. They're constantly touching one another this way. She'll even slip her hands up under his shirt just to feel the warmth of his skin or when he asks her if she can get an itch on a part of his back he can't reach, but for some reason his brain is short circuiting right now.

The thing is, when Kie and Pope said he shouldn't do it on the first date, they meant it for his and Steph's made up circumstances, not his and Y/N's full-blown relationship without labels. When you've had sex with someone as many times as they have with each other, the hesitancy on the "first date" is nonexistent. It doesn't matter. But JJ, trying to follow the advice given to him to the letter for the sake of being the date she deserves, doesn't think about it that way.

It shouldn't be this nerve-wracking. They've been best friends since they were children, they've been flirting since they found out what basic attraction was in the first place, and they've been forming this relationship ever since John B died. Why can't he relax? Why is this so different compared to how easy it felt between them yesterday on the beach or today at lunch?

Rule Five: Be yourself.

It takes him another few moments of laying here with her before he realizes quite abruptly what went wrong in a quick flash of a thought that brings the fifth rule back to him. The problem wasn't the bike, or the weird compliment about her Big Bird sneakers, or the lost wallet.

The problem is him. The problem is that he's trying way too hard to make this something it isn't. The part about them that he adores so dearly is how they never have to try when they're together. With any other girl or guy, they'd have to fake something or act a certain way, yet when they're together, they can simply exist and everything is runs smoothly. That's not to say they don't disagree or bump heads, they do, but short of those outlier moments, it's easier than anything else they do in life.

His eyes flicker away from the screen for the first time since the movie began, which, by the way, is gruesome enough at times that he had to divert his eyes to prevent himself from seeing it happen. They land on where she lays, completely content with the night in spite of its mishaps, with her head propped up on the pillows they brought from the Chateau.

He wonders if she can tell he's acting differently. Surely she must notice. She's the type of person that typically never misses a thing, perfect for the gold hunt they went on in the summer with picking up the clues and helping her brother unravel the mystery, so maybe she noticed how flustered this date has him. Does it bother her? Does he bother her?

With a confirming glance back up at the movie to see nothing important happening, he can't fight the urge to speak anymore.

"Can I tell you something?"

His voice appearing through the darkness of the shut off van after spending the past half hour in complete silence makes her jolt at first before realizing who it was. Though she loves horror movies, she can't claim to not be affected by them. The night she falls asleep after watching one, she often finds herself compelled to turn a light on and keep her feet from dangling off the edge of the bed. It's worth the fear, though.

When she turns to look at JJ, there's a warm smile on her face. She's cuddled into his side with a hand placed casually atop his thigh, caressing with no purpose or intent, and her movement halts when the light from the movie on the projector allows her to see the expression on his face.

Anxiety has become an increasingly significant presence in his life with the recent events in mind; John B and Sarah, the four-hundred million dollars they lost out on, and dodging his father whenever he sneaks home to switch out the backpack of clothes and personal belongings he keeps at the Routledge house.

It manifests itself in jittery nerves, stomach pains, shortness of breath, and, at worst, panic attacks striking either at random or in response to a specific trigger. It's one of the few things he still tries to hide from her, and she tries not to push him too hard with opening up about it.

She abandons the movie for the time being and rolls onto her side to face him, upper body propped up on her elbow as she examines his face with downturned features.

"Of course," she says.

The words left unsaid are, "You can tell me anything. Whenever you need someone to listen, or to talk to about shit, you can tell me." He's heard her say it enough that he doesn't need to hear it now to know it's true.

There's a pause, then—

"I feel like I fucked this entire date up," he starts to ramble and cuts her off before she can think about saying what she wants to, "and I know it's okay to you. You have way too high of a tolerance for my bullshit, and I've been trying so hard to make this perfect, but all that did was screw it up."

She's left quiet for a second, taking it all in.

Maybe if he hadn't been so anxious about it, he would've realized what was wrong with his bike when he rode it home from school, or he would've noticed his wallet fall out of his pocket. The point is, he wishes he hadn't let the label attached to this freak him out so much. He isn't sure why it does, but it does.

But she doesn't do what he expects. She isn't drowning him in reassurances and, "It's okay's" because she knows he doesn't care for them much. When he, the most stubborn person she knows, apologizes for something he did, he doesn't want it to turn into the person accepting the apology coddling him.

Y/N sighs.

"Is that why you've been acting so different all night? I scared you with the whole ‘date’ thing, didn't I? It doesn't have to be a date if you don't want it to be."

What she doesn't know is that he wants it to be a date. He wants it to be a date so badly, he risked Pope and Kie finding them out for the sake of getting some proper advice on it, and now he's caught up in the same game of tug and war in his mind that always occurs when he wants to tell her the truth about his feelings for her.

Part of him doesn't understand why he doesn't outright say it. With every other girl he once showed interest in, he had no issues in letting them know he wanted them, but this is different. This isn't simply wanting someone, he thinks he's fallen for her. But whenever he says he's gonna grow a pair and tell her after all this time, he chokes. Involuntarily, he's reminded of his parents. Other than his friends saying it platonically, the only people to tell him they loved him were them, and with how they treated him, he sure as hell doesn't think that is love.

From his dad's brutal physical abuse to his mom's abandonment, he's too timid to tell her he loves her because of what could happen if she loves him back. Everyone else that has said that to him has either hurt him, died like John B did, or abandoned him.

He won't let that happen with him and Y/N. What they have, albeit undefined and codependent, is safe. It's the only thing he has left. Maybe it isn't right, and maybe he should open up about it to communicate the correct way, but somewhere in the misshapen logic of his mind, he correlates love to abandonment. And he doesn't want that to happen with her.

There are two sides of him at battle inside his mind. One side, the side that wants to do right by their relationship and actually communicate his feelings for once in his life, wants him to tell her everything. The other side, the side that responds based on the history of his past, wants him to hide it all.

"Will you be mad at me if we don't call it a date?" he asks.

She shakes her head.

The heavy sensation inside of JJ's chest nears a point of vitriolic violence against him as he starts to realize what he's doing to her, clearly letting her down, but he can't stop himself. Like a passive witness watching himself from outside of his body, the instantaneous trauma response to the sudden confrontation of his true feelings for her guides his actions without his permission. It shuts down any protest he has.

The sound of the movie fills the gap of silence between them the entire time. It’s a variety of bloodcurdling screams and disgusting sounds that would've made him gag if he weren't as distracted.

They can make out each other's faces through the darkness, but barely. It takes a flash of bright color from the film or a nearby car's lights turning on for them to fully see one another. Without the other knowing, they both put masks of calm and collected coolness on their faces despite the feelings raging beneath the surface—more so on his part than hers.

"Maybe," he says, pausing, "we should just keep things the way they've been."

As soon as the words leave his mouth, a soul-crushing amount of disappointment weighs her down. She said it was fine if he doesn't want it to be a date—and it is, she would never hold it against him—but that doesn't mean it can't hurt her. Things have been going so well, she almost thought...If tonight went well, she was thinking about no longer keeping it a secret, but if he said he wants things to stay the same, then maybe he isn't as ready for it as she is?

Meanwhile, JJ is on another page entirely.

She's embarrassed of being with you, a familiar voice in the back of his head croons. She's gonna leave just like everyone else does. If she doesn't even wanna tell your friends, why should you pretend you're dating?

The internal comments are the type that cause him to physically grimace when he's alone. Intrusive thoughts are just that: intrusive.

Sneaking into the guarded sanctuary of a person's mind, they set out to convince them the opposite of their reality. The only thing is, where most people's minds are guarded sanctuaries with walls of impregnable defense, his mind is the equivalent of a fortress blown to smithereens. The castle walls lay in rubble, the guards no where to be seen, and the path for these thoughts to slip past and straight to the vulnerability of his mind is left wide open.

In the privacy of his room, these thoughts attack him the most at night when he tries to fall asleep—when things get too quiet. With nobody around, when they get this bad there's nothing he can do except break down. It builds from the mere anxiety of attempting to force the thoughts away to full-blown panic attack mode. The more he resists them, the more aggressive they become. He'll gasp for air with tears streaming down his face, hitting his head with the heel of his hand as if that'd do something to stop his relentless mind.

But he can't afford to react in front of her, so the extent of his reaction is a subtle twitch of his face that she cannot see in the momentary darkness before the movie switches to another scene a second later. In a way, it does make the thoughts go away to have her here preventing him from spiraling alone. Having to focus on her keeps his mind away for moments at a time until the thoughts ease their grip on him.

When she hasn't answered for a while, he asks, terrified that he did something bad, "Are we good?"

The question seems to wake her up, snapping her out of the lonely direction her thoughts went into when he "rejected" her. It takes every bit of common sense she has left to force herself to understand that this doesn't mean he doesn't want her. He does, and not calling this a date doesn't mean they won't be together in the way they have been since John B's death, but she isn't perfect. She gets as unsure and insecure as he does.

As if the cloud of doom was lifted off of her, she makes her face lighten where she lays on her side next to him. Seeing this expression makes his chest feel less heavy, and he could let out a sigh of relief at the realization that he didn't break her heart and stomp on it. He should've known. Y/N is the sweetest person he knows, so she never would've flipped shit over him not wanting to label this as a date. That's not how she is.

And he's partly right. It isn't how she is. She would never hold it against him if he didn't want something further with her since she got herself into this position by pursuing him with his reputation with girls in mind, but she can't ignore it. Whether she wants it to or not, it had its affect on her as soon as he said it.

She leans in to kiss him, their lips meeting in the middle with the faint taste of popcorn salt mingling at the soft peck.

When she pulls away, she brushes the hair back from his face and says, "Don't worry. Nothing can change how I feel about you."

She has no clue what it feels like to hear that from her.

Despite the turmoil they unknowingly share beneath the surface due to this conversation, he could cry hearing her say it. It doesn't feel real to him that she feels the same way he does about her, because nothing could change how he feels about her either. That’s why he manages to work up the courage to repeat it back to her, and, for now, this is the closest he's physically capable of coming to telling her the truth.

"Ditto," he says.

It isn't what she wanted, but it's close enough, and if she dwells on this any longer, she might start getting too emotional and let the urge to tear up become too strong. Why does she have to be this sensitive? It's no secret that it's remarkably easy to make her cry, but this is insane to her. When all of this began with him, she didn't give a shit about him not wanting a label. She understood him, and she understood that he doesn't do this kind of thing, so why has it changed? Why doesn't she want to keep it a secret anymore? Why does she want this to be a date when she knows he doesn't want it to be?

Pulled by an invisible string back to him to silence her mind, she leans in to kiss him again with a hand cupping the back of his neck to guide him the rest of the way to her.

It shouldn't be laced with any sexual intention. She should be kissing him simply because she wants to, and, in a way, she is. Their kisses and touches are never lacking the motivation that is their underlying connection and mutual feelings for one another, but this is not the same. As he kisses her back with as much confidence and passion as always, she is reeling from the conversation that reminded her too much of a breakup.

It takes another minute of this for the kiss to heat up, their breathing becoming shallower in the moments they part to inhale, and she is undeniably the one instigating when she officially crosses the line between casual and sexual by crawling onto his lap. It's not hard for him to pick up on when their innocent moments take a turn. She's easy to read in that regard, and this has happened a multitude of times with them, so the shift of a mini make out session turning into something more is nothing out of the ordinary for them.

If he knew how shaken she is on the inside, he'd never want this. And the same would go for her if she knew what he was thinking before this. Neither of them wants to admit what they're feeling.

With her legs seated on either side of his hips, she kisses him like it's the last time she'll ever get the opportunity to. Her hands wander wherever they can, pulling at his shirt and feeling him up as his hands guide her hips to move against his in a steady grinding that she has no issue partaking in. It's an eagerness he hasn't seen from her in weeks. She's never un-excited when it comes to being physical with him either, but this is another level. The last time a girl was all over him like this, it was desperate touron at a party a few months ago.

In the span of time it takes her to glance over her shoulder to see if anyone could see them and reach to pull her skirt up until it bunches around her hips—no one can see them, by the way, since they got here late and were forced to cram the van into the back corner of the lot with no street lights illuminating the path—his brows raise at her presumptuous behavior. Not that he's one to complain, however, seeing as he's typically the one doing what she is.

Their next kiss clashes their teeth hard enough to make them wince, but he loves it. It makes him smirk into her parted mouth, alive with both the feeling her reassurance provided and the fuzzy-headed high that often finds him when they're together in this way. Incomparable to past flings or the high related to any drugs, she is the peak of everything to him. It's no contest.

His chest stutters against hers with a bout of amused laughter, asking within a brief pause in what feels like the most JJ thing he's said this awkward night, "Two for two in the Twinkie. What's gotten into you?"

Y/N's hand dips between where their bodies move together to unclasp the closed buckle of his belt in one smooth motion that has it falling apart with a clinking noise.

Her features are set with a look that tells him she means business. Whatever it is that sparked this, he wonders how the fuck to make it happen again another time. She's begged for it before, but never taken control so dominantly, and he can't deny what the role reversal does to him. The evidence is obvious in the distinct hardness she feels pressing up against the hand undoing his jeans.

"I was hoping it'd be you," she says, voice breathless and airy from the constant contact in a way that makes it ten times hotter for him.

If there were any chance of him not being in the mood prior to this, which wasn't the case anyway, it's gone now. He never wants to hear her say she doesn't deliberately try to tease him ever again.

He doesn't need to be told twice.

JJ surges forward to capture her mouth with his, this time with no intention of pulling away to breathe or speak again. No, he'll let himself get lightheaded and dizzy if it means he can stay with her for as long as possible.

With the circumstances of it all, them being visible to someone if they happened to pass by the open door of the van, they move at a pace quicker than usual. She's immediately helping him shimmy his jeans and underwear far enough down his hips to free his dick from the confines of his clothes, making him sigh out a breath of relief when her hand brushes against him in the process.

There's no opportunity to slow down, it has exploded into a full-throttle speed race that neither of them can halt.

His hand blindly flies out beside him to grope the floor of the van for the set of keys he tossed carelessly to the side once the movie started, eyes shut in the midst of the hot, messy kiss they share. His fingers find the fabric of one of the blankets they brought in case they got cold, then drifts again and lands on her Big Bird sneakers until he feels the sharp metal of her keys meet his calloused palm.

After the events of last summer, she bought a switch blade to keep on her key ring alongside the keys to the van, HMS Pogue, and Chateau. She may not like violence or weapons, seeing as she was a skeptic of JJ keeping the gun alongside her friends, but she saw it necessary. Between Rafe, Topper, and Kelce, how could she leave the safety of her and her friends up to chance knowing what some of the kooks did to them not long ago? What happened to Pope on the golf course alone was enough to make her skin crawl.

Right now, though, the knife flips out from the pressure of his thumb pushing the button to release it. He holds it out away from her at first to assure it doesn't nick her in the process, then uses his other hand to tug the side of her panties that hugs her hip far out enough to press the sharp side of the blade onto the inside of it.

She can hardly believe what she's watching as JJ cuts the delicate maroon underthings from her body as if he were doing something so normal, like it's something he's done before. Her forehead is pressed against his, her mouth parted both in shock and in a need to pant for oxygen, and she watches the knife ruin her favorite panties. The stitches come apart with a satisfying ripping noise that can hardly be heard over the sound of people reacting to the movie in the background.

Other customers of the Cherry Bowl Drive-In are too glued to the screen as a beloved character is chased down, reacting in shouts when she's seized by the killer and shoved onto the table of an industrial bread slicer, so they remain wholly unnoticed.

The lace, now ripped in half, dangles on the tip of the knife when he lifts it away from her, tosses it aside, and presses the button once more to retract the blade. It clatters to the floor, but is in no way forgotten with them resuming in a desperation to keep going until they both satisfy the need clawing at them from the inside. But her sense of need is different from his, and even with the fresh memory of him with the switch blade in mind, she's still somewhere else the whole time.

Her mind is faraway, muted through layers of sadness, anger, and disappointment as he reaches between them to line himself up to her entrance. The sensation of him running his cock, hard and messy with a few drops of precome, through her dripping pussy to coat it in her slick arousal is enough to make her moan pathetically. Yet when he's about to guide himself inside of her, she stops him.

"Wait, wait, wait," she breathes out rapidly, heart pounding so hard she can feel herself pulsating between her thighs, "Condom."

They were so antsy to get to it, they almost forgot.

"Fuck," he curses under his breath, and his eyes flicker from where they were trained between their bodies to glance back and forth around the van before it hits him. "I lost my wallet..."

But right when he thinks their public rendezvous in the back of the Drive-In is over due to his unfortunate mistake, she shakes her head and slips away from her perch astride his lap to crawl over to her bag.

She fumbles with the old tote bag and plunges her arm in to sift through the hodge podge of things that are purely Y/N in nature—stickers, glitter pens, a half-eaten bag of candy, etc—for the square foil package she decided to toss in before she left just in case. She usually doesn't keep them on her because he never fails to have one, but, thankfully, she had the random instinct to bring it tonight.

The only thing to bring her out of her cloudy, malevolent storm of feelings when she settles back onto his lap with the condom wrapper ripped open for him is him saying, "So you planned this, huh?" with his mouth tipped in a familiar self-satisfied grin.

She didn't plan it. In fact, she threw herself at him the second she sensed him withdrawing from her and can't stop herself despite the fact that she constantly feels two seconds away from letting a tear slip down her cheek. If that counts as "planning it", then sure.

"Maybe so," she answers, cool, calm, and collected—the antithesis of the truth.

They usually don't lie to each other.

They're thrown right back into it without any other hiccups once he rolls the condom on, and he takes in a shaky breath at her hand wrapping around him to align their bodies up. Before she can do anything, though, he takes chance to swipe the blanket he found a moment ago and wrap it around her back to keep her covered in case they get caught.

Y/N sinks down onto his cock with her lip caught between her teeth to stifle the sound that threatens to escape. JJ, on the other hand, doesn't bother concealing the sound of the groan he makes at the sensation of having her wrapped around him like this. The tension in her entire body from the anticipation and the looming threat of being seen by someone has her squeezing him so tightly, he can't help but be a little louder than he should.

Her soft palm slaps over his mouth with enough pressure to force his groan to quiet itself, and she watches his pretty blue eyes widen in reaction to the dominant action. Who is this girl and what has she done with his sweet, submissive Y/N? Don't get him wrong, he is very turned on by it, but it's unlike her to take the lead this way. He can't figure it out.

"What's wrong, angel?" she asks in a whisper into his ear, her hand over his mouth and her hips starting to slowly rock against him, "Watch the movie."

Once the words leave her mouth, she drops her hand, just in case he wants to stop and can't say anything because she had his mouth covered, and JJ is pretty sure he's died and gone to heaven.

He doesn't watch the movie, not at all, because he's too busy watching her. For someone losing their mind internally, she does not let it show, nor does she let it distract her from what's happening. If anything, the distraction in this situation is the sex, not what's going on inside of her head.

There's a moment of adjustment and going as slowly and gently as possible while waiting for the dull pressure of feeling him inside of her to fade away, but, for the most part, she doesn't waste any time. As soon as she feels comfortable enough with the ache between her thighs giving way to a spark of pleasure when she grinds her clit down on his pubic bone, she starts to ride him at a better pace than the initial slow movements of her hips.

She raises herself up and takes him again inch by inch, enjoying the sense of fullness she gets from having to fit him in spite of the slight discomfort at first, and she could swear that he'll leave bruises in the shape of his handprints with how tightly he clutches her hips. It's all he can do to prevent himself from moaning or saying something, ever the vocal lover she's come to know.

Unless his mouth is preoccupied like it was on the beach yesterday afternoon, JJ is usually impossible to shut up, especially in this context. With him always whispering dirty things to her, whether it be praises, pet names, or plans on what he wants to do to her, she has come to find it breathtakingly hot. He could likely get away with saying something if he wanted to, but he isn't sure he wants to risk it. If he opens his mouth to spew something filthy to her, he won't trust himself not to make a louder, different kind of noise that won't fit in the with background audio the other moviegoers are listening to.

The wet sound of their bodies colliding that fills the space of the van is drowned out by the loud and violent sequence occurring on the screen far ahead of them, and hearing it makes her bounce herself on him a little harder. She's fueled on by it all, and, strangely, what happened before she practically pounced on him is the main contributor.

Similarly to the nature of his intrusive thoughts, the harder she resists the memory of how it felt when he told her he didn't want this to be a date, the more forceful it is in its return. Her eyes trail down to watch where they connect with her forehead pressed to his, then she's thrown back into the feeling of helpless disappointment and insecurity. His head tips back against the window with his bottom lip dropped open and his brows furrowed just enough to create a crease on his forehead, and she's bombarded with the look of relief on his face when he realized he didn't have to be tied down to her with a label.

It makes her want to get rougher, harder, and she doesn't even care if it'll make her sore later on. She presses herself down so far every time she slides down on his cock, her teeth draw blood on her lip with how hard she must bite it to remain quiet. The pain of her hipbones rubbing against his doesn't even matter to either of them at this point. They're both too lost in the pleasure that has begun to take control of them to care about something as minuscule as that, or the burn in her thighs from the repetitive physical strain.

She grabs his wrist and brings his hand between them, flattening hers overtop of it and pressing down on the base of her abdomen in the midst of the increasingly feverish thrusts.

"Feel you here," she murmurs to him through a quiet moan, hoping he can hear it over the movie, and pushes down on his hand for emphasis. And if the way he reacts by cursing under his breath tells her anything, it's that he picked up on it. "JJ..."

He reaches out to grab her by the throat with his free hand and tug her forward to kiss him, as if something inside of him snapped in response to her doing that. The motions of her jolting up and down throws the already messy and uncoordinated kiss off-kilter, but they don't mind. It has them separating every time she lifts up, producing this heady little head rush from from them breathing in each other's air without actually letting their mouths meet in the middle.

Though they're trying their hardest not to alert anyone outside of what's happening, it didn't occur to him until now, when his eyes catch John B's old bandana swinging back and forth where it's secured around the rear view mirror.

They're worried about moaning while the entire fucking Twinkie is rocking with their movements. Well, at least it makes good use of the corny sticker he gifted John B last year as a gag gift. He tried to peel it off after JJ snuck it onto the side window to no avail. So, now Y/N is stuck with a sticker on her car reading, "If the van's a-rockin', come on in, we like orgies," rather than the more common phrase.

It almost makes him start laughing, and he prays no one takes that shit seriously, 'cause he is never intent on sharing this breathtaking girl. Ever.

Y/N isn't anywhere near laughing like he is, in fact, she's finding it difficult to keep herself together. She feels her eyes sting with the promise of tears, and she's never felt so pathetic before. Is she seriously about to cry during sex? Is she really that girl that is so ill-equipped to handle rejection, she can't get through it without tears?

She won't cry. Perhaps if he sees how glossy her eyes have become in a rare moment of good lighting, she can blame it on the hand around her throat putting pressure on the sides of her neck.

The worst part about her being near to crying is the timing of it.

The emotion of what she feels mentally mixes with the swirling, building sensation she feels in the pit of her stomach that tells her she's close to going over the edge, and it's so overwhelming. Was she imagining that their friendship had changed? More importantly, is this all she'll ever be to him? Sex is the only thing she's sure of with him, it's the only thing that doesn't require deeper emotions, and when the ground beneath their fragile relationship felt shaky...

He can feel her starting to unravel, and he knows that he'll come before she does if he doesn't do anything now, so he decides to take control.

JJ pulls the hand he had resting on her abdomen away as though he were burned by it, wrapping his arm around her waist to steady her body against his and using the hand around her neck for leverage to thrust up into her, effectively reducing her to a teary-eyed, moaning mess atop him. They both stopped caring about making noise the second he began to fuck her like this.

She cries out in ecstasy at the sudden change in pace and depth that has him hitting all the right places. Every time he thrusts up into her, just as rough as she wished for, the tip of his cock nudges into that perfect spot inside of her that makes her incapable of silencing her moans. This time, it's JJ that puts his hand over her mouth, letting the one he had around her neck move away to keep her from alerting everyone around them of what's happening.

There's nothing she can do to stop her climax as it barrels through her in its initial sweeping wave of bliss to contrast the venomous doubts in her mind. She's never felt such conflicting, yet powerful feelings before—the intensity of the physical pleasure that makes her whine into the palm of his hand, then the part of her mind replaying every word he said in their conversation before this.

Her body is rigid and tense through it all, squeezing down around his cock with the involuntary spasms of her orgasm, and he can't help himself anymore. All it takes are a few more frantic thrusts for him to bury himself inside of her one last time and spill into the condom, uncovering her mouth so he can drown out his own groans into a kiss.

Their skin sticks to their clothes on the inside with sweat from the exertion of their actions, and he can feel her stomach tremble where it presses up against his with each undulation of her hips that meet his as he rides it out.

But even with the added distraction of the sex, she can't rid herself of the feeling that started plaguing her as soon as things went awry. That was why he was acting weird all night. He must have been so worried about her thinking this was anything more than their typical hangouts that he couldn't bring himself to act normally.

She forces herself to look happy when they pull away from the kiss, panting, and JJ, unaware of what she's been thinking, doesn't notice the small deception.

Tag list: @gabiatthedisco

#jj maybank #jj maybank smut #jj maybank x reader #outer banks #obx #fanfiction #obx s2 #uh oh trouble in paradise #anyway that smut #kinda wanna get railed by JJ in the back of the van #don’t we all?

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

#this is only like half of it #but at least you can get like a few answers #yanno fuck it #bataranswers #ask #asks #anon

[dreaming-about-fanfictions]

Choose Me Instead II Draco Malfoy x Reader II Chapter 19 of 27: Cursed

Summary: Pretending to be in a relationship with Draco Malfoy to get back at your ex might have not been the smartest idea you ever had. Especially during your last year of Hogwarts where you should be focusing on exams and your future plans. However, you were just pretending. There was no way in hell you could actually catch feelings for someone like Malfoy. … Right?

CHOOSE ME INSTEAD MASTERLIST CHOOSE ME INSTEAD PLAYLIST

A/N: Better late than never lol! Here it is! Thank you for being patient though! ilysm <3 This was a difficult one, I hope you like it! Btw, I recently found out that Dracos mum is called “Narcissa” and not “Narzissa” in the english version. She’s called “Narzissa” in the German Books. However, I’ll keep calling her Narzissa in this story (because I’m lazy and don’t want to change it). Enjoy!

Words: 3.4k Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader, post war Warnings: tw eating disorder (mentions of it) --> please be aware that the way eating disorders are approached by the purebloods in this story is not something i (the author) approves of. I just thought it’d be a more realistic way for them to act like this.

It felt wrong.

Draco only used the Room of Requirements to be with you. He never went here on his own. Not that he would ever admit it – but the room scared him. The last time he’d been here alone was at the beginning of this school year. He found out then that it didn’t change for him anymore. All he saw when he walked in were the dirty, cracked windows and the flies and spiders that died in front of them. Old furniture, forgotten books and dirt was scattered around, piling up and towering over him.

As he stood there, his gaze was drawn to the end of the room. Hiding behind the corners, buried under black linen, there it was. The vanishing cabinet. He felt its presence. Looming, waiting, calling for him. Alright, to be fair, the last part was probably only in his imagination. It didn’t change his feelings towards this particular room of Hogwarts though.

It was different when you were with him. It changed for you and turned the monster that it was for Draco into a purring housecat. With you, it felt like a vacation. As if he had travelled to a small cottage, far away from roaring cities or ancient castles.

However tonight, you were not here. Astoria Greengrass had taken your place. She sat on a couch across from Draco, back straight, hands neatly folded in her lap. Her black hair was tied up in a bun and not a single strand of hair was out of place. The spitting image of her mother, Draco thought. He had always wondered about how different the Greengrass sisters looked. Astoria inherited the sharp features, thin lips, and slim figure of her mother. Daphne resembled their father a lot more with her round face, long blonde hair, and the doe-like eyes. The both of them were like night and day. Yin and Yang.

Draco looked around the room which had turned into a smaller version of the Slytherin common room. All the important details where there – from the green colors to the Slytherin emblems on the pillows and carpet. Only the windows were out of place. They didn’t offer him a view inside of the lake but were the same cracked ones, he had seen one too many times in his life. It reminded him that he wasn’t here with you.

It felt wrong.

 ***

Draco leaned back against the chair. He crossed his leg and his fingertips tapped a non-recognizable rhythm on his right upper thigh. Astoria didn’t look up at him when she spoke. He could tell that the words had been carefully chosen in advance. Remembered and recited in front of a mirror. Yet she couldn’t meet his eyes. Draco noticed the way she plucked at the skin on her thumb.

When you’d ask him tomorrow for how long the conversation went on, he wouldn’t have an answer. Time seemed to stand still the moment Astoria opened her mouth for the first time.

“Say something,” she whispered when she finished, and the silence became unbearable.

Draco noticed that there wasn’t a fireplace. Another thing that the Room of Requirement had gotten wrong.

“Say something,” Astoria repeated herself, her voice shaking a little more this time.

Draco stopped the tapping. “Is that why?”, he finally asked.

She hesitated and then nodded. Draco sighed and looked out of the window.

“I’m sorry,” he said after a while.

Astoria scoffed. “Me too.”

“I am,” he looked back at her.

For the first time since he had entered the room, Astoria lifted her head. When her eyes met his, he saw the anger in them. “I’m dying and all you have to say is ‘Sorry’?”, she spat out.

“You don’t know that,” Draco said matter-of-factly.

Astoria raised her eyebrows. “What?”

“That you’re dying.”

She looked at him as if he was a little slow in his head. “I … I just told you.”

“You told me about the family curse,” Draco corrected her. “No one can say if it will happen to you.”

She let out a huff, stunned by his reaction. Had he not listened to a word she said? “I told you about the clairvoyant at Knockturn Alley!”

“Seers say a lot of shit.” He shrugged and added: “Especially when you pay them.”

Astoria lost her posture – with wide eyes and a shake of her head, she let herself slump back against the pillows. “I can’t believe you’re not taking me seriously.”

Draco sighed and began tapping on his thigh again. The same rhythm from before. “I am, Astoria. I believe you.”

But I don’t want to, he added in his mind. He had heard rumors of the Greengrass curse before – only once, when he was maybe eight or nine years old and while he pretended to be asleep on an armchair, he listened to his mother and her friend.

“The poor woman,” Narzissa had said. “And those girls …”

“We don’t know if it will happen to them,” her friend replied softly.

“Why risk it though?”, he remembered his mother ask. “And decide to give birth to not only one but two girls?”

“Well, if one dies, she will still have the other.”

Looking back, the joke was tasteless and not the least bit funny. He didn’t remember how his mother responded to it. Back then, Draco didn’t understand what the women were talking about. So he had shoved the memory back and forgot – until tonight.

When Astoria came up to him at the Winter Dance, she was more … vague. Talking about how something had changed in her life, how decisions were made for her and that she was left with no option but to finally confine in him. Merlin, Draco had thought she was pregnant. This was worse – for obvious reasons.

“If you believe me, why are you like this?”, her voice ripped him from his thoughts. Draco hadn’t notice that he was staring out of the window again.

He cleared his throat and focused back on the Slytherin girl. “I believe you’re overexaggerating.” It was the truth. Or better – it was a truth. The one he was able to share with her.

“I’m dying.”

“You’re not!”, he replied with a sharp voice.

Astoria flinched.

Draco sighed and leaned forward. “Look,” he continued, much softer now. “I’m sorry. You’re obviously very scared of this – and honestly, who wouldn’t be after receiving such news.” He paused. “But didn’t you just say you never experienced any symptoms?”

She looked to the ground. “Yes.”

“See?”, a smile played around the corners of his lips. “Stop beating yourself up about it.”

Astorias gaze stuck to the ground. His words didn’t ease her pain, he saw that. “I … Look at me, Draco,” she then mumbled.

Draco tilted his head. “I am.”

“No, truly look at me!” She lifted her head. “What do you see?”

He stared at her for a while. What do you want me to say? He refrained himself from asking that. Instead, for the first time in years, he truly looked at her. Her school uniform was in perfect condition, no spot or loose thread in sight. The diamond earrings sparkled in the soft light and around her neck hung a delicate golden necklace. Her outer appearance was perfect. As always. The only thing that was different were her eyes. He frowned when he saw it. The fire in them. Gone. The arrogant spark, challenging every Ravenclaw and Gryffindor that didn’t get out of her way fast enough. He wondered when it had left her.

“I resemble a corpse! I swear, my grandmother had a better complexion than me on the day she died!”, Astoria continued after another minute of silence.

Oh. Draco blinked. She meant that? He wouldn’t have noticed that in a hundred years.

“And I’m so thin and –”

“Because you’re starving yourself,” Draco interrupted her and immediately scolded himself for it.

Astoria, who was in the middle of shifting to a different position, stopped, and stared at him. “What?”

Draco pondered for a moment about his next words. Astoria and her fucked up relationship towards food wasn’t a secret. Well, not since fourth grade when rumors started spreading about the true reasons of why she was always so eager to get to the nearest bathroom after meals. And then her bones began to stick out underneath her school uniform. Everyone noticed it. Everyone looked the other way.  Problems like hers … they weren’t uncommon among their circles. Yet, they were problems to keep to behind closed doors. They were private. Nothing to talk about.

“Everyone needs an outlet for the stress that comes with living like we do,” his father had once said. “Women are just worse in finding the right one.”

Oh, how he hated his father.

Draco smiled sadly at Astoria. “Everybody knows, Astoria.”

“Knows what?”, she asked sharply.

“That you have issues with food.”

Astoria blinked. “I … you’re such an asshole,” she then exclaimed. “You’re an asshole, Draco Malfoy.”

Draco sighed and shifted positions. “Anyways,” he tried to change the subject. “You’re scared, I get it. But so far, you don’t have any symptoms. In fact, you started feeling ill once your mother went with you to see the seer, right? It frightened you and now you can’t stop focusing on that fear.”

Astoria scoffed. “Thanks, Mr. Therapist. You’ve got it all figured out, haven’t you?”

“No,” he shook his head. “I’m just guessing. It doesn’t make sense to care so much about something that might not even happen to you.”

“Doesn’t make sense to you, you mean”, Astoria corrected him.

Draco frowned.

“Because your problems are much more important.”

“My problems are real.”

That was probably the wrong thing to say in this situation. Even Draco realized that. The words had just slipped out. He hated to admit it but the egocentric, narcissistic part of himself believed them.

Astoria stood up abruptly. She smoothed over the fabric of her skirt and tucked a strand of hair that had fallen out of her bun behind her ear. She then looked at him, no expression on her face. When she spoke, her voice was calm and quiet: “Fuck you.”

With long steps Astoria made her way towards the door.

“Shit,” Draco mumbled under his breath and got up as well. “Astoria!”

She didn’t turn around.

“Astoria, wait! Please!”

The last word made her stop, hand already reaching for the doorknob. As she turned around, there was a bitter smile playing around her dark red lips. “Why?”, she asked him. “I trusted you with something and all you’re giving me is shit.”

Draco looked down to the ground and then back up. “I don’t know how to respond to this.”

“With empathy, Draco,” she folded her arms in front of her chest. “You might want to look that word up.”

Draco let out another deep sigh. A part of him secretly wished she would ignore him and just leave. It would be easier for him. Knowing this wasn’t an option for her, he finally walked towards Astoria. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. His words had failed him, they had made everything worse for her and he hoped from the bottom of his heart that this would ease her pain just a little. Astorias body went stiff at first – only after a few seconds did she let her body relax. She leaned into his embrace as if someone took a weight off her shoulders.

“You know I’m here for you,” Draco whispered. “And I will be there in case …”

“In case, I’m dying after all.”

When Draco breathed in, he could smell her lavender shampoo. “Yes.”

Suddenly, her petite body began to tremble. At first Draco mistook it for giggling, then he heard the soft whimpers against his shoulder.

“It’ll be fine. I promise.” He hugged her tighter.

“You can’t promise me that,” she sniffed.

Draco let go of her and took a step back. He put a hand to her cheek, making her look at him. “The curse hasn’t been around for decades. It might skip your generation again.”

Her eyes were red and her cheeks puffy, silent tears running down them. “I’m so scared.”

“I know.”

“Please marry me.”

Draco closed his eyes at her plea. His head suddenly hurt and he wished you were here. You’d know how to handle situations like this.

“Astoria …”

“I know you don’t love me,” she interrupted him, her voice still trembling. “You couldn’t.”

He opened his eyes, looking at her in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“You love her.”

Her. You. Draco blinked. “What? No, I –”

“I realized it on New Years Eve.” She wiped the tears from her cheek, still holding on to him with her other hand. Astoria cleared her throat. “I didn’t believe it in the beginning but … it’s so obvious. You love her so much, how could I ever expect you to look at me the same way you look at her?”

Draco shook her head. “Astoria –”

“But you know the relationship has no future. Neither of your families would ever agree to it. You know it. You know it in your heart.”

The piercing pain in his forehead grew stronger. When he’d remember this moment, Draco wouldn’t be able to describe his feelings. Her words barely managed to get through to him. You love her, he heard her say over and over again. You love her.

No. He didn’t love you.

He couldn’t.

“Marry me,” Astoria repeated herself and took a step closer again. She had to lift her head to look into his eyes. “My family will secure the future of the Malfoys.”

“I …”

You love her. You love her. You love her.

“What do you get out of it?”, he finally managed to get out and tried to focus back on her, feeling weirdly out of breath.

Another tear rolled down her cheek. No sobs this time. “Once people will be able to see the sickness …”, she hesitated. “I won’t be looked at as the second daughter who’s living in her sister’s shadows.”

You love her.

Draco furrowed his brows at her words, utterly irritated by them. “Nobody thinks that, Astoria.”

She laughed. “Yes, they do! Daphne has always been prettier, smarter, more desired. I can’t compete with her. I am the leftover Greengrass that no one wants and that’s now dying from a family curse. Because of fucking course it would hit me and not my picture perfect sister!”

Draco stared at Astoria.

“But with you,” she continued. “With you people would see that I’m more than that. That I’m worthy of attention and of love despite … being me.”

This is wrong on so many levels, he could hear your voice in his head, clear as day.

“Have you met with the therapist yet?”, Draco suddenly asked out of the blue.

“What?” The Slytherin was thrown off by his question. “Yes.”

“Did you talk to her about this?”

Hearing this made her drop his hands, taking a few steps back. She buried her face in her hands, taking a deep breath. “Oh, fuck you, Draco!”, Astoria muttered. “Stop trying to analyze me!”

“I’m not!”, he assured her. “But … Astoria, this is so fucked up what you just said to me.”

She looked back up at him. “You’re such a hypocrite.”

“Excuse me?”

She chuckled. “You spent a few months with a Gryffindor and now you act like our values mean nothing to you when you are the one who used to scream ‘mudblood’ the loudest.”

Draco swallowed.

“Merlin, what is wrong with me,” Astoria sighed. “After everything I just confessed, you don’t find it in you to show me a little mercy and change your mind?” She smiled at him sadly. “Do you want to marry me?”

“No.”

You love her.

 ***

The talk with Astoria left him feeling uneasy.

It handed after she asked Draco to marry her a second time and he declined. She nodded when she heard his answer, sniffled, wiped the remaining tears away and left. Not without saying “You’ll change your mind sooner or later”. When she was gone, she didn’t take the anxiety with her. Draco had to deal with that on his own. Now, as he walked through the halls of the old castle, his steps were stiff, and he had deep lines between his eyebrows.

“Calm down, she has no symptoms,” he mumbled to himself as he turned another corner.

Yet.

What if he would be wrong after all? What if the curse wouldn’t skip another generation of Greengrass women and fall upon her? What if she would die and he made her last remaining years even more miserable in her eyes because he turned down the proposal?

What if, what if, what if.

He wanted to talk to you about all of it. You’d tell him he didn’t have to feel bad. He didn’t owe Astoria. He shouldn’t be put in this position in the first place. You would find the right words. To be honest, Draco knew all of this himself. He just wanted to hear you say it out loud. Hear the words from another person to ensure that he was right. That he wasn’t crazy or selfish for not sacrificing his life, his future, for a dying girl.

“She’s not dying,” he reminded himself. A Hufflepuff boy passed him and frowned.

“My family will secure the future of the Malfoys.” It was the argument his mother had used against him countless times. He was certain that he’d hear it a lot more often soon. He was aware of how strong the argument truly was. His family could return to their former glory with all the luxury that came along with it. Fancy parties, status, high-paying careers – something he had been promised his whole life and that was stripped away the moment he was forced to become a Death Eater. The promise of a good life. An easy life.

Maybe life shouldn’t be easy for them. At least not so fast. Maybe his father shouldn’t come home from Azkaban one day to live like nothing ever happened. No, Lucius Malfoy deserved to suffer longer than his time in prison. And ultimately, so did his mother and Draco.

Draco gritted his teeth at his thoughts. He couldn’t marry Astoria. Not for that reason. Not to make the life of his family easier. His parents needed to work and plea for their redemption. Just like he did.

“Watch it, Malfoy!”, Seamus Finnigan hissed when he bumped into him. He came out of the library, a stack of books in his arms.

Draco didn’t look at him. Until now, he hadn’t even noticed that he was walking towards the library. It made sense though. The bag that hung from his shoulder seemed to become heavier with every step. The black notebook. He needed to write.

 ***

You sat alone on a table, hunched over a book. More of them piled up next to you, accompanied by an overused quill and bottle of ink.

Exams, Draco remembered. How easy it was to forget those mundane things in the midst of all the sadness. Exams, followed by entrance tests to become an Auror. Draco smiled at the thought of you fighting evil. He was certain that you’d excel at it.

He stopped in the middle of the corridor, not caring about the annoyed huffs and curses from students who almost ran into him. He watched you. The way you sometimes licked the tip of your finger before turning a page. How you sighed and frowned when you didn’t understand a passage.

You love her. The words shot through his mind.

It was different to the scenes he had read in books when he finally saw it. When he blinked and it was suddenly so clear to him. His heart didn’t stop, his knees didn’t become weak, he didn’t hear violins around him. No, a ray of sunlight that fell through the window and hit your face, caused you to lift your head. In that moment, your eyes found his. A smile played around your lips as you waved at him and pointed at the seat next to you. And it was so clear to him, that he wanted this all along: to be with you. To come home to you.

You love her, Astoria had said. 

And he knew she was right.

***

A/N: How did you like it?? I’m so excited to hear from you!! <33

CHAPTER 20

HP Masterlist General Masterlist

Tag List:  @writerdee1701, @youareinllve, @sjmahoney, @detroitobsessed, @takura-rin, @jadam268, @wynterwind,  @renaissance-confiance, @doitforthevine67, @ilovemollyweasley, @flowerpowerpixie, @gold-flowing, @starkssnarks, @bookcornerkins, @harpersmariano, @markedsweetly, @iraniq, @pointlesscoconut, @hvrcruxes, @pillowjj, @idkatee,    @magicwithaknife, @graystherapy, @scoote-rankle, @nxstalgicnxbxdy, @sunsetsofanemoia,  @tommy-holland, @lordfxxker, @streetfighterrichie, @awaken-the-sirens, @destiels-assbutt13, @pockitparks, @just-addicted-to-bangtan, @cuddlykoala101, @zpandaqueen ,  @natsiboo, @jjjmaybank, @justmesadgirl, @books-and-tings, @slytherinprincedracom , @katiaw2, @saintkore, @nctnight, @lifestragedy, @obxmxybxnk, @spideydobik , @ladylizzieofdarbyshire, @aspiring-ginger, @dracomalfoyswifey, @jpow345, @realistic-breadstick,  @abbs-is-tired, @alwaysbeanunknownfan, @niallsarmveinstho, @is-this-a-febreze-commercial, @acciowilltolive, , @sexytholland, @faangirl101, @donttellany1iusetumbler, @mendesmuffinsss, @lilxnvm, @kill-the-teen-memories, @darkusangelus, @itsbebeyyy, @hesaidimcrazy, @jenniweaslee, @hpxpjo, @brisbubble, @xomaymay, @shitnstuffillregret, @serialkillme, @angel-tears15, @panicattheeverywherekid, @obsssedwithjustaboutanything,  @nobleking, @tashii-blr, @ddaeing, @randogirlo-fando-main, @sadgirlnumber92899, @captivateing, @bitchyegirl, @smiithys, @ninipoo1, @intheawks,  @nothanksnyla, @calpal-4ever, @dracosathenaeum, @belsandthings, , @kiwi-sloan, @xdmx, @lexi-ravenclawdracomalfoy, @kvyenxay, @live-awkward, @babebenhardy, @bitchysweets-blog, @cravingmusic, @frau-moon, @ohissandhalasta,  @broken-but-beautiful-cassie, @lil-black-heart,  @vminenthusiastt, @dracos-sluts, @mrmoonyy, @saucysuazo, @fuzzzwald, @matsuno-nadeshiko, @amber-arsenault ,  @loveableasshole,  @spideycures, @echpr, @shiningstar-byulxx,  @twinklebug2282, @bloodiedroses, @klthmef, @ostorian ,  @bi-chai-tea, @maddieisnotok, @amandaluvssupernatural, @makeoutwithstiles,    @i-am-addicted-to-tea, @tenclouds, @lovingdracomalfoy, @lannaax, @dr-bitch-bby,  @fallinallinmendes, @suckerforparker, @runninglownad, @piercinghorizons, @dosicas, @yanaaaaaaa,  @akzer300500 @hoseokslily, @dracofeltonmalfoy, @emilianamason, @tothemoonwithclifford, @gcldreinhart ,  @angelofthorr, @k-k0129, @musicalmuffindog1410, @andydre4m, @mxl-foyrecs, @seeinorange, @vlgsqd , @justmimithings, @allthevoicesinmyhead, @pipppaaaaalouisee, @yessirrz, @2think2twice2 @spencerreidisbootiful, @find-a-little-faith, @thatguppienamedbae, @emmamarie7708, @dontpanicitsdan @jordaangx, @ceeellewrites, @drxcomvlfx, @7minutes-tomidnight, @coldheartedslytherin, @wingardiumdepressionosa, @perfect-storm95, @danisaur1324, @unlikely-y-bliss, @trentdijklfc66, @saptediavoli, @treestarrrrrrrr, @aangsupremacy @yaanasluv, @megamihatake, @lavenderblossom12, @bimbelle, @beiahadid, @weasleytwinswheezes, @bogikrmn, @gublerslut, @prongsandprancer, @superkawaiicandyfloss , @instantllamaruins​

If you want to be added to my tag list, let me know! <3

#draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy imagines #draco x reader #draco x you #draco imagine #draco imagines #Draco Malfoy x OC #draco malfoy x gryffindor!reader #Slytherin x Gryffindor #slytherin #gryffindor #slytherin imagines #slytherin imagine #gryffindor imagines #harry potter #harry potter imagines #harry potter fanfiction #hogwarts #hogwarts imagines #choose me instead #astrids fics #draco #malfoy #malfoy imagines

[urluvl]

Hiiii, new follower! Ok so, omygod AHAHAH. I've been scrolling and read about 3 fics AHAHA. Firstly, I'ma keep standing by on 'As you Wish'. And as possible, could you tell a date so I would note that or if I'm being to much, tag me on everything, T_T. I wanna know how far jk's infatuation on Y/N, on me💀, will go. What if Y/N would plan a revenge on her ass brother, would he be willing to do what his lover would want?? ⚰️🤝😭.

' Monster from Hell ' is such a game changer for me, expect me to be rooting for this, for you ahh. Hoping to have a part 2, with an ending too tho, if there is. Or maybe this is a fic where the ending is up to the reader, and I'm against that, jk.

Andddd, ' Dollies Don't Die '. I have to admit, that was dark asf. I like it💀. But ofc, I wanna know what the hell just happen, what the? Why? How? Huh? 💀 HAHAHA. You can't leave me hanging there, sweetie😭.

All in all, I'm rooting for youuu! May both sides of your pillow be cold.

Here┗(•ˇ_ˇ•)―💐, for youuu!! ^_________^

ahh hi luv!! im super happy u have enjoyed my fics it means sooo much 💗 (btw sry i posted this before i finished answering i clicked the wrong thing oops)

ill definitely tag you in ‘As You Wish’! you will see at lot more character development (specially jk!) in the next chapter to come. im hoping to post it the first or second week in march although i’m not sure on the date.

i can say i def see reader looking for some revenge for her sister… 😳

i love ‘monster from hell’ (im all for a good wlw fic lol) i wish i got more love it’s a favorite that ive written. im not looking at writing a part two but who knows

(spoiler)

‘Dollies Don’t Die’ was oddly refreshing to write 😅 it was short and dark and im all for writing (and reading it)

sry for leaving you hanging bae 😩 i sorta talked about a punishment that happened a bit before this took place, so that’s what i think was the cod of the reader. ig Jin thought he was “teaching” the reader and it went south… and he doesn’t want to except the consequences for his mistakes

anyway thank you so much for the support!!! i hope you have an amazing week <33

[seb-owns-these-tatas]

Witcher Of The Night (Chapter 6)

THIS IS MODERN ERA READER WHO WOKE UP IN THE DIMENSION OF THE WITCHER.

CHAPTER 5

WITCHER OF THE NIGHT MASTERLIST

Characters: Geralt of Rivia x small!Naive!Reader

Summary: It seems as if a witcher came home after having his midnight pleasures from the brothels; leaving you in having a sleepless night. The witcher seemed to be distant after his argument with his child of surprise which left you completely confused because you’ve did nothing and have been anything but mean to him. Some questions were answered by a fortune teller as to why you came from another dimension; but the witcher was stubborn enough not to believe him and his intuitions. Leading to another event which would get everyone's life on edge, especially yours.

Warnings: Cuss words. Old times where men treat women like shit. Irked, frustrated, confused Geralt. Emotionally hurting reader. Naive reader about the whole medieval era. Jaskier finally being comfortable around the reader. (I don't know why this is a warning? 😂)

Words: 5,800+

A/N: AAAAAAAAHHHHH! I need me some actionnnnn! LMAO. XD This chapter was supposed to be posted on April 18 but I couldn't help it and I wanted to post it right now, So y'all can have something to read about. Heehee! THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT, TATERS! Btw, this is one of my favorite chapters and chapter 7 too which will be next to this. Ahonhonhon! Dang, I can feel we’ll reach 25 chapters before this ends. 😂😅 jkjk. I’M SO THIRSTY FOR GERALT, IS THIS NORMAL?

TAGLIST IS STILL OPEN FOR THIS ONE! Heehee! Don’t forget to REBLOG, COMMENT OR GIVE FEEDBACK IF YOU DID LOVE THIS CHAPTER! IT’LL MAKE ME SMILE!

Disclaimer: PNG's used in edits are not mine even the GIF's too. However, the edits and oneshots are definitely from moi. Characters, places and said monsters aren't from moi as well.

MY WORKS ARE NOT NOT NOT NOT NOOOOOOT TO BE POSTED ON ANY OTHER WEBSITES. My official username in Wattpad is “TATATHEPOTATO” and that’s the only other site I have for writing aside from Tumblr. Thank you, Tater tots!

You haven't seen the outside world; like you've been a cast in the 'Big Brother reality show'  that you were watching back at your apartment. It was a lot more different in their city; much more barbaric; lively but actually mirthful.

When you've arrived at the marketplace there where tons of people, absolutely crowded with all forms of life walking around. There were white tents where merchants have been selling their goods and a lot of buyers hollering for their attention.

You've remembered the night before when Cirilla has hugged the life out of you all night. She'd cried herself to sleep but eventually let the wrath fade away early in the morning; acting like nothing happened as she'd asked Geralt for her weekly training in swordplay before the morning comes.

Up all night and you couldn't sleep. Cirilla has offered her bed to keep you comfy rather than the table out in the kitchen. You've said your disagreement to the offer because of her status. She was a princess, so you've thought that sleeping beside her would not be possible. Though, she was persistent and asked you if it was okay to hug you while she sleeps even just for the night.

You've eventually said yes; but had to keep your eyes all open especially at the bothered feeling of your heart from the facts you've heard from Cirilla. Even adding more effect to your sleepless night was from a witcher who happened to went home before the morning twilight rises. His reasons were unsaid but the booming voice of Jaskier in the small living room was enough for you to know that he'd gone somewhere...fun, exciting and pleasurable.

Thus, that kept you up all night even more.

Your heart seemed to be a lot more bothered after he arrived maybe with a pang of a peculiar sting inside your chest that made you pout all through the night.

Nevertheless, you've ignored that feeling because maybe it was just a stomach bug that you've had since then. The morning after, you wore your winning smile as you've shown yourself to the men of the household with a beam you hoped that seemed to be convincing that you had a good night sleep.

But, Jaskier being Jaskier; he'd pointed out those horrid eyebags you've appeared to be nastily wearing. The Witcher had said nothing other than a wavering look which felt so different. So distant and withdrawn like he wasn't capable of smiling. Well, he had reasons not to after what has happened in his life and probably realizing how much of a baggage you are for even living in their home like you popped out of a chicken's bottom and gave them eggs to bear.

The connection lasted for two seconds as Geralt studied your face before breaking whatever overwhelming feeling that the butterflies in your stomach has been trying to say. He'd then avoided being in your presence and went out to feed his horse as he got ready for the morning activities.

Jaskier gave you both a look of wonder before you'd given him a reassuring smile like there was no uncomfortable feeling running in the veins of your heart. You were the best at it; faking a smile that is.

The way towards the marketplace was much farther than the way to Cuthbert's house. Obviously, because it was almost like a city or the center of the kingdom for the walk of life. You've walked alongside with Jaskier as Geralt had Cirilla on his horse.

It was the first time you've appreciated Jaskier's talkativeness because if he wasn't then the whole journey would've been serene and awkward by how the witcher was giving one word answers to anyone's questions or statements.

Well, he certainly slept on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Literally, because he'd slept on a different kind bed with a woman.

You've tried sparking up a conversation; tried saying your sweetest good mornings when he was outside and talking to his horse, but when he'd felt you were there. It was like the wind changed and he didn't want you to hear him talking to his horse nor even breathing.

A simple good morning and how he was were asked; but a simple, lackadaisical answer of the word 'fine' was given to you; not giving you those enchanting golden eyes and just the wide statuesque of his back were shown.

So much for going outside to try and talk to how he was because he seemed to be in need of more people who cared for him.

You've ignored the way your heart fell at how he was putting up; acting like he wasn't trying to comfort you the other day when you were having one of those panic attacks you have. Here you thought, he was actually starting to treat you as a friend even just for the time being but it was like the world shifted and he was treating you like a stranger.

Maybe, you were right. Your presence was beginning to become a burden of his surprise obligation for even paying for your clothes and letting you stay in their home. As much as you've remembered that night, you would only stay for a day and leave to find the airport. But, the airport was nowhere to be found as you've finally realized how you actually magically appeared on a different kind of earth and in a timeline you weren't accustomed to.

You didn't know what to do. No matter how much you wanted to go home and leave the family you were currently living with; it was like you were left with no choice but to stay because you didn't know how to come home.

There was no coming back, as of now.

"Why, who's this small lass?" The feebly, doddering woman croaked as she accepted coins from a Kaedwenian child before she'd finally turned to look at you from head to foot, her expressions unreadable when she'd noticed how you've looked more of a hobo then their peasants who lived anywhere and had no place to live. Though, you were cleaner than the rest.

It was like there was a garage sale in the marketplace; tons of stuff laid on the tables as you didn't knew what the uses of it were. Your eyes were scanning the things that laid on the table; one by one until your attention caught a silver necklace that had a leaf as a symbol and coral green stones wrapped around the linings of silver. You've picked it up and examined the jewelry; being charmed by the mere necklace and lately realizing that the stones were twinkling like no other; having no explanation at how it was twinkling or glittering against the sun like magic was consuming it.

"It's a fae," Babeth cut you off your reverie. You've snapped out from being enchanted by a simple necklace. It was a pretty one, definitely can be used everyday and the way it twinkled was strangely beautiful. You didn't expect for them to have these kind of necklaces, "---Serves as an amulet for bad luck that is bound to come. A sorceress has said her incantations to that necklace; keeping you away from ill-fate,"

Babeth gave a weak smile, the wrinkles on her face thoroughly evident as she continues to mindlessly fix her goods in front of you. You blinked back at her, a beam raising your lips as you tried to get a good look at her, "A fae, ma'am--??"

The woman has completed your sentence for you, raising her gaze to meet your eyes and noticed it was a beautiful, light forest green, "You can call me Babeth, Elfin!" she sweetly yelled over the loud chatters of the crowd.

She suddenly gestured behind you, nodding her head as her smile widened, eyes also twinkling like how bright her smile have been; like she was happy with her life and family, with no worries. "What's your connection in being a travel companion with a witcher, elfin?"

You blinked out of surprise, betwixt and between turning half your body around when you've felt Geralt's presence looming behind you. You've resisted the urge to face him and just stared at Babeth instead, ignoring the fact that he was already staring at your head; longer than he ever did since this morning. However, you didn't know he was even looking.

"Ughm," you hesitatingly started, thinking of another statement other than saying that you were figuratively an alien in their world. The witcher wanted to save you from saying anything weird that can get them speculating that you weren't from their world and tried to butt in,  "She's---"

Jaskier came to your aid; despite of not asking any help because you certainly didn't need saving in anything. He'd slid beside you with a more added effect and subtly wrapped an arm around you, in between you and the witcher who was sky scraping from behind.

"Geralt's destiny," the bard confidently finished for you both with a dramatic gesture of his free hand; giving Babeth a smolder when he did open his mouth to utter lies at the sweet, old woman.

Geralt's attention went straight to Jaskier's arm wrapped around you; lately becoming aware of what he managed to tell the merchant. It made him growl beneath his chest, giving the bard a scowl from behind. But, it seems as if Jaskier's persistence didn't falter as he continued to smile at the seller before them.

"Bard," Geralt roughly scolded with his jaw tensing.

Babeth's facial expressions seemed to even be happier, if that was even possible. Finding the news thrilling and exciting for her to hear; her eyes lit up like fireworks in the sky, "Oh! A lover!" she gave a clap full of mirth, "---I didn't know when you'll become serious with yer' life and thought you just do yer' whores!"

Your smile wavered at the last mention of that word. So, he was also infamous for that. Probably always in brothels since Jaskier has always been saying. To make things straight to the point, Geralt was one of the fuck boys in earth. Typical men.

Well, he isn't a prince from the start so technically that explains it. Withal, there was no prince' and only in fairy tales despite that you were living in a fairy tale surprisingly.

You've felt Jaskier's hold on you grow tighter when you continued your explanation for the poor, old merchant who was smiling like she'd seen her favorite OTP finally be together, "Oh--Babeth--I'm not--" a loud cough erupted out of your throat as the bard scooted closer, his arm now around your neck as he added pressure like he was choking you, "Ja-Jaskier!" your eyes bulged out of your eye sockets, grabbing onto his arm and violently clawing them away.

The merchant went on with that adorable smile of hers, never guessing if you were both playing nor trying to kill each other already. Jaskier was smart enough to distract your loud huffs of breath through his fake laugh; topping those loud complaints of yours, "Oh! Hahaha! Aha! you know how tender...love...and care can change a person! Perhaps, got the witcher soft somehow!" he gestured with his thumb towards the Witcher who was throwing daggers behind his back.

"Is this your compensation because we've brought a Hirikka at home?!" you hoarsely whispered, struggling to get away from his hold.

The bard laughed louder before lowering his voice down and muttering in between his cackle, "I'm making it easier for everyone! Shh!"

You were close to biting his arm until it bleeds. But, you didn't want to ruin his very elegant and flamboyant clothing that you only see in the medieval period, "Well, you're not!"

Jaskier slanted his head to take a peek of your reddened face. Due to his arm choking and also probably the fact that he'd been trying to tell the merchant that you were Geralt's other half, "Then, why do I see a blush?"

The merchant waved her hand from the banters, giggling at the way you both looked like you were playing before giving her attention to a new customer who'd rudely demanded for her attention. Thus, it was the perfect time for Geralt to wrench Jaskier's arm around your shoulders, strongly pulling him from his back as the witcher sighed in frustration.

Jaskier tried to battle with his strength, though it was no use because apparently; the witcher was stronger. "Ge-Geralt! What?! I'm making everything easier by controlling your foolishness while you're being an utter boor!"

Their voices died down, constantly being covered by the lively noise of the marketplace. The boys were probably going to the Tavern they needed to visit as you were now left with Cirilla who was picking new dresses for her and for you.

She'd pick up a cute princess like strapless dress that will certainly reach above your ankles. Cirilla held onto the beautiful dress and showed it to you, her grin painted on her pretty face, "Say you didn't like dresses, Y/N?" you've blinked back at the dress like you couldn't believe it was real and actually cute. A satisfied nod was given to the child, "Well..That is certainly an exemption," you pointed out and excitedly grabbed onto the dress, placing the clothing in front of you to see if it would fit perfectly. It does and you couldn't help but think how it was normal to wear these kind of dresses without people looking at you weirdly like back in earth.

Cirilla continued her ransack through a hill full of different types of clothing and grabbed onto a red, sheepskin cloak that had the right length for you; adding it to the items that should be bought. She went on in finding more clothes that will fit you, "---Also, they have leather pants, boots of your size and half sleeved shirts you may want?"

You saw how concentrated she was with picking clothes for you to wear; like she was more excited to dress you up. However, no matter how much you wanted to buy those clothing, you understood and accepted the fact that you haven't brought your wallet with you and they probably had a different money currency as well.

"But, I don't have any coins for these..." your train of thought ceased; index finger pointing at the pile of clothes she was carrying on her child-like arms.

She gave all the clothes to an awaiting, smiling Babeth. The Ashen haired child patted herself as she was searching for something, "Cease the worry, Y/N!" the latter fished out a medium sized black bag full of coins, "---Geralt has it covered!"

You've had your face in a twist; screaming its negations over the fact that it was the witcher's money that was going to be used. Though, there was no use of a protest when she was determined and was a one word woman.

All the clothes that has been bought was inserted in Cirilla's beige ransack that was strapped on her back. You've offered to carry it for her as she'd seen Ethelia who hollered for her attention. She was also the same age as her; even as beautiful as the princess but she had brunette hair, hazel eyes with freckles all over her nose. Ethelia was as pretty as a picture; same goes for Cirilla.

One fact that you learned about their world was that it was full of lovely people and you were thinking that you were seeming to be out of place for it.

Cirilla informed you that she would be playing with her and the kids not far away from the tavern. You've given her a thumbs up but you were actually worried for leaving her in a place you didn't know and felt sketchy because of how it wasn't your ordinary; leaving you feeling anxious for her well-being.

Hence, the tavern didn't looked better as well. You were used to strobe lights, the smell of cigarette or sweat and the moribund heat that backs you away from stepping in a nightclub; never dreaming to come close to one ever again.

But, here you are; standing in the middle of an hostelry looking like the small elephant in the room as people who wore old-fashioned clothes and armor were staring at you like an alien. So far, they didn't know that you were actually one because you didn't belong to their world.

You were trying to find anyone you knew; even trying to look for a certain white haired man who seemed to be not in good terms with you for unknown reasons. There, you did saw him seated on the farthest end of the pub looking mighty with his sword laid beside him as he drank Ale,  listening to a man who appeared to be reaching his elderliness.

Geralt's whole being has ever been so ostentatious like you were watching a scene unfold from a television series. You didn't notice you were already observing him from afar until he'd blinked and slowly turned his head to you, eventually catching you gawking. But, being lucky at the most awkward scene of gaping at him over the other end of the roadhouse has saved you from your embarrassment when a well built villager wearing tons of heavy armor accidentally bumped into you; making you break away from watching the witcher. As the man bumped into you, his mouth was as nasty as he looked and tried to tell how peasants like you who had no crowns deserve to be sold to a brothel keeper because of how poorly you were dressed; also, probably because it was only your worth.

So, women were treated rather poorly in their era. Your consciousness talked back and gave you the reality of it all.

You were also lucky enough to catch Jaskier's attention and saved you from being sold anywhere.

As you sat down with Jaskier and his pixie friends that had elf ears; it was stunning to see a live fantasy gnomes sitting in front of you and drinking till their heart's content. You'd realize how survival was a difficult task in their world as the poor were treated like they were the lowest of the low and people with crowns were treated rather fairly.

Hence, living in their world can officially be a nightmare for you. A daydream of showing how much of a nightmare was to live back in the old times.

"So, this is what a bar looks like in the medieval period," you murmured to yourself as your eyes scanned the whole buzzing place. They were heathen people and there were loud chatters and laughter like there were tons of stories to tell; even the bard himself does as he was sat beside you; chattering with a man who weren't hobgoblins; but was sat around your table. "You sure Ciri is fine with the kids?"

Jaskier waved a hand to wash away your worries; giving you a once over as he smiled a big one, "Ow, shush. Yes she is. Stop being a mother hen and enjoy my singing out here with the lads," the bard grabbed onto his lute that was strapped behind him, swinging the instrument and actually hitting you on the shoulder before he apologized and started to strum a melody in which you've heard when he was trying to annoy the witcher who lived in the house you were in.

So, that's what its called. Toss a coin to your witcher. The bard already forcefully let you hear the song and you were pondering if people really toss coins to a witcher who slays beasts, like literally.

You playfully rolled your eyes at his attempt on entertaining people in the tavern, "Your singing sucks ass, Jaskier." But, it was actually just a playful banter because his voice was amazing, believe it or not. However, you weren't there to give him compliments and shower his ego after calling you rat for so many times.

The bard gave you a look of curiosity, his blue eyes sparkling like how the sun cascades through the oceans, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

You tried the Ale that Jaskier has given you. You've smacked your lips a lot of times to taste it better and subtly noticed the bitter taste that it had more than a typical beer. It definitely had more alcohol content than a Heineken, "Bad as how Geralt calls your singing like a pie with no filling,"

Jaskier faked a surprise, stopping from warming up before he starts singing epics, giving you his war face and a coltish glare as he humorously spat, "You are certainly the living nightmare in my life for saying that!"

Jaskier's singing grabbed all of your attention. Thus, you were oblivious of a particular individual who was lurking behind you as he seated and talked to Durriken who continued to ran his mouth on the heed-detached witcher.

Durriken's ginger hair was shiny against the light of the sun that reflects from the windows, the elderly man shakily continued his story as he studied who the witcher was gazing at that even got him giving a damn when he ever does not, "---The villagers had seen the beast on the swamps in the south! Had my lads killed as they've stabbed it with their swords! It was a poisonous monster and wounded my people with a burn that could let ye' see their bones!"

The witcher gave a disgruntled hum, his jaw clenching like he'd seen something awful.

Durriken ceased his stories; sipping on his ale as he bluntly asked and ripped his eyes away from him with a knowing smile, "The trouble and strife, witcher?"

Geralt couldn't help but want to roll his eyes at the incessant accusations they had between the two of you; giving abrupt malice to your presence as you tagged along with them, "Why do people always tell me this," he gruffly mumbled to himself, finishing his shot of Ale in one gulp as he dropped the cup with a thud.

"Have ye' seen the way you look at er'?" Durriken's smile was unwavering as he could remember you from his dreams; like the whole scene was dejavu.

The witcher gave him a tight-lipped frown, sitting completely composed; but with his blood boiling for whatever reasons he doesn't understand, "She's been dragging me in to more horseshit than I can ever get involved,"

Durriken heedlessly caressed his goatee; seeming to be in deep thought to what his next words would sound like and if it will be better to be said rather than keep it to himself and watch the future unfold without alarming the other, "Ye' wouldn't be complaining if you realize that she's actually your destiny, Witcher."

Jaskier stopped strumming his lute after finishing one song; planting his ass on his seat as he laughed out loud with the villagers of Kaedwen. The adorable hobgoblins lending their elfin ears at the bard who had memorable tales to tell, "I've been the witcher's travel companion decades ago!"

You were unaware of somebody patting your hand like he was consoling you because of your consciousness was solely on the bard who kept on getting everybody's attention. That being so, you jumped on your seat as Jaskier hurriedly slapped the man's hands that rested on top of yours as it was laid on the table, "And---Hands off, Belerick! You don't want to vex off a witcher and have your adorable little body thrown in the swamps,"

The dark eyed gnome raised his voice to groan out his frustrations, caressing the hand that Jaskier has attacked; eyes exclusively on yours alone, "She's just so cute and my type!" Belerick mirthfully announced with his eyes giving you the hearts. You kindly smiled back at little guy, "Say, munchkin; wanna spend the night with I?"

A soft giggle was sent to the latter and it was enough for him to sigh like a man in love, "You're a cute one, Belerick." your smile softened as you saw him grin like a cutie pie and tried to reject his offer in a very nice way, "---But, I'm good for the night. There are other women out there who would want to,"

Everybody who sat on the table in a circle cooed. The spot light suddenly on you, "Aww! She's a kind one!"

The little guy irritatingly huffed, growling at his companions who kept on teasing him that he was rejected, "Nobody does, Y/N!" Belerick snapped with a bitter tone as Merek hopped off his chair and leaned his short elbows on the table; giving you a kissy face, "Aye! Maybe Y/N would want to spend the night with me a lots more than ye', Belerick!" Merek teased the other little guy who kept making a fuss, "---Cause ya' got a small dick!"

Both gnomes had their hands choking each other as they fought for your unavailable hand. You couldn't help but chortle from their sudden fight; entirely unaware of their intoxicated self controlling their minds.

Jaskier emitted a loud sigh beside you; dramatically rolling his eyes at the scene, "Oh gods, you are all signing your death wishes,"

Another giggle was sent to the people surrounding you, trying to infect them with your naivety, positivity and kindness; "You guys are cuties! Thank you for finding me...nice-looking, though I don't actually," you started again, looking at the set of barbaric men seated around you and Jaskier, "I look like a potato, boys. You need to get your eyes checked by an ophthalmologist,"

"A what?" Now was the time for Jaskier's brows to tighten.

"Ye', don't look like a potato!" Belerick and Merek uttered all together in chorus, giving you the heart eyes.

"Yet, you look a little different!" another leprechaun crowed named Carac. He had his medium length hair tied on the back in a makeshift ponytail. Carac paused for more added mysterious effect. Both you and Jaskier blinked back at him; unnerved because of how the lad was scrutinizing back at you like there was something wrong.

Until such time, he'd open his mouth and vaingloriously claimed that made everybody groan out in exasperation and utter cheesiness, "Ye' look like my future missus, Elfin!"

You and Jaskier blew out a breath you were holding; the thought of finding out you weren't from their dimension now disregarded. You've apprehensively giggled and pointed a finger at the little man giving you a smolder, "Oh, that was smooth." Carac pouted his lips more, wiggling his eyebrows in a frisky way, "Do I deserve a kiss?"

A nod of fascination was given to the latter. You've given him a grin and shook your head at his sudden twentieth century kind of flirting, "Very smooth,"

"You know, he can hear you right? He's a witcher, you oaf!" Jaskier gave the dwarf a look of disbelief before you'd suddenly stood up out of nowhere and drank the last of your ale. "I'll check Ciri outside," you declared and put down the empty cup after burping in a low tone and it was enough for Carac, Belerick and Merek to sigh like a boy in love as their eyes were trying to melt you down. Jaskier scoffed at how they looked and nodded with a smile as he waved you off, "Alright, try to keep out of trouble, rat. I'll follow you soon,"

Moments have passed and stories were told, Geralt has understood Durriken's offer as he tossed a bag of coins to the witcher in which he caught it with his bare hand, his expressions twisted in a way that can tell people he wasn't in a good mood. The real question here is; when did he ever looked like he was?

The bard was already off his seat, Geralt saw you went out minutes ago and Jaskier began to tail like a cat to the rat; even began to feel a little comfortable with you since this morning and it was slightly bothering him to no reason.

Thus, Durriken even had the chance to tell him things about destiny that even rattled him more.

"I don't believe in utter bullshit," the witcher spat to his utmost discontent, sighing as he does so. He was tired of hearing it over and over again. It even lead to having Cirilla in his life; he wouldn't want to include you as well. Especially that everybody who gets involved with him; enters demise without him knowing. It was like a link to death when one person even tries to want to know him better.

He was already having a difficult time protecting Cirilla and Jaskier from harm; it would kill him more if you had the plausibility to meet death without even coming home to your homeland.

"Destiny will always come to you, Witcher," Durriken cheerfully muttered in spite of Geralt's gloomy state; his smile never faltering, "---As much as the princess did,"

The witcher languidly closed his eyes; asking himself what he has done to receive all kind of destiny thay gives him a rough time. "Once...is enough," he seethed through gritted teeth. Annoyance ticking his features, "Twice is destiny playing fucking tricks on me,"

"It's been two years, Witcher. The elvens; they will never cease." Durriken announced as a matter of fact, trying to remember his dreams that he wanted to forget because it never fails to happen. "---Say, that elfin of yours isn't from our world, aye?" the latter added with a cunning smirk, "---She has created more chaos to our dimension. Opening a door to the continent which has never been seen before,"

Geralt's forehead creased a lot more to what he was saying, looking completely at loss. Never trying to look guilty that you actually really didn't come from their world. He didn't know if Durriken was just guessing or not and he didn't want to be cocksure.

Durriken continued, his voice lowering a pitch as he whispered; "---It is like a whole new era to the conjunction of spheres. Revealing unaccustomed beasts you haven't seen nor fought with, but has all been taught back in Kaer Morhen," he leaned his elbows on the table, pursing his lips as he eyed the witcher who gave him his unconcerned attention.

"---Her existence has created more beasts that cannot be slayed nor controlled. Warning mages, elders and sorceresses from other peculiar changes," pause. "---She shouldn't be here. But, your future has made everything possible, Witcher."

On the spur of the moment, the grandsire looked around as he was trying to find someone. Also, getting a gist of an uncomfortable feeling and a blurry image of his future. His ability already has certain limitations he couldn't control rather than years ago when he was younger.

"---Only one wish shall be required for it to be permanent," he suddenly blurted out of nowhere, eyes falling at the scowling, confused, ivory haired witcher.

"Durriken, you are talking shit," Geralt grumbled beneath his armored chest, a brow raising for the incredulity slipping through the man's words.

"I am a fortune teller, am I not?" Durriken boastfully affirmed with a shaky chuckle, "---When do I fail at reading the future?"

"Today, you are." the witcher mumbled beneath his deep breath, shaking his head at the fortune teller's intuitions.

Durriken was tapping on the table with his index finger as he looked away; like he was lost in his own world. The old man breathed a deep one as he closed his eyes and felt his temples twitching; trying to remember his dreams despite of how blurry in ended, leaving answers to himself that he couldn't quite understand, "Keep her away from a cunning queen and a greedy sorceress," he admitted with a whisper, "They'll know her existence and it'll bring you a much more unfortunate fate, Geralt of Rivia,"

The witcher studied him, waiting for him to laugh out loud for all the lies he had said. However, he received none and only a smile that tells him that Durriken was never lying from the start. His statements were processing inside his head; thinking so hard on how it was possible. You, a mere human who suddenly popped out of nowhere now had a destiny linked to his.

Impossible.

"Witchers are known to have no emotions," the ginger head, old bloke shared with no shame, "---Yet, I never believed that. You have been capable of achieving more, Geralt." he'd snapped his head to look out the door as a barbaric combatant or considering a root of the kingdom's military forces sauntered in; they were some of the people doing the dirty work and Durriken knew what was happening like he had seen this already, "---She is about to be taken as a strumpet right now by the Kaedwenias," he continued to fixate his eyes on the gallant who loudly demanded for Ale towards his older daughter at the bar.

Fate moves in mysterious ways. He'd believed that when he'd seen the witcher's future turn exactly the way he saw it; seeing how it molded and bended his beliefs like no other was a miracle. Durriken subtly pointed at the door with his thumb as he saw Geralt's face mask with aggravation, shock and disbelief. "---With your Cirilla outside. Yet, she has been saved by the purity and selflessness of your woman's heart. You owe her your life because your Cirilla was close to being captured,"

The witcher hurriedly stood up in a trice at the aforementioned warning; heedless of Durriken's smile that was filled with felicity and mischief; a mix of both when he noticed how Geralt grew tense; letting the fortune naturally go like he eventually does.

"---You will love her like no other," the fortune teller promptly delievered with sincerity. Geralt halted from drifting away, his wide-width shoulders on display as he never saw how the witcher's face was now filled with bother and perplexity.

"---Nevertheless, your beautiful destiny is always masked with an unbearable truth and thus waiting for a price to pay, Witcher."

PLEASE DON’T BE SHY AND SCREAM YOUR FEEDBACKS TO ME, TATER TOTS! HEEHEE! THANK YOU! I JUST WANNA BE Y/N SO BAD. 😂😥😣

Taglist: @alyxkbrl @himarisolace @barkingbullfrog​ @ayamenimthiriel @hellodevilslittlesister @vania-marie @spookypeachx @grungelovebug @fangirl-inthe-us @nympeth @amirahiddleston @gabethelobster @dreaming-about-starfleet @uncoolcloudyhead @melaninstylezz @psychosupernatural @missjenniferb @dance-dreamer​ @marvelousell​​ @kingniazx​

#geralt of rivia #geralt of rivia x reader #geralt of rivia x you #geralt of rivia x y/n #geralt x you #witcher jaskier #jaskier #witcher #witcher geralt #cirilla of cintra #witcher cirilla #geralt of rivia fanfiction #geralt of rivia fic #the witcher fic #the witcher fanfiction #the witcher fanfic #the witcher #henry cavill #henry cavill x you #henry cavill x y/n #henry cavill x reader #geralt of rivia series #modern era #Witcher of the night #witcher of the night series #seb-owns-these-tatas #tatastalks #tatasmasterlist #tatasworks #muse: geralt

[flipflap-flipflap]

[Alright take-two on this damn post.  First one got eaten by post editor right as I was ready to post.  You see how long this is?  Save to drafts, kids.]

I’m here to shove a manga on you: Ookami Shounen Wa Kyou Mo Uso O Kasaneru (The Boy Who Cried Wolf Also Told a Lie Today).  It’s a gender bending romance.  Despite how awful that probably sounds, it’s actually really fucking good and I do not say that lightly. 

(No spoilers, this is all in the first chapter)  A high school boy insecure about his intimidating face, Itsuki, has fallen for a shy loner girl, Tokujira, who does not seem specifically phased by his naturally scary face.  So he takes a risk and confesses, but she turns him down brutally.  Itsuki goes to his sister to lament his insecurities about his face, which he (more or less correctly) attributes as why he can’t make connections.  To give him a new perspective on his appearance, his sister (trans btw) gives him a makeover while he’s sleeping and then kicks him to the curb of her salon - fully crossdressed.  On his way home, Itsuki (♀) ends up bumping into Tokujira, and she mistakes him for a boyish girl.  Under this misunderstanding, she asks "her” for a favor...

She has androphobia, and she has it bad.  So much so she can’t even look at men without snapping violently or becoming physically ill.  And Itsuki (♀) is just boyish enough to trigger her, but not enough to lock her down.  So she asks for “her” help, to see if she can desensitize herself to her phobia. Itsuki’s in a bind for a couple obvious reasons, not the least being the guilt of deceiving Tokujira. But nonetheless, he genuinely wants to help her.  So, he decides to continue crossdressing, diving into a lie that he soon finds he has no easy exit from.

I really recommend this manga.  I cannot say that enough times.  It is phenomenal, shattering tropes left and right in fun and interesting ways.  Do yourself a favor and give this manga a try.

Personal feelings and meta analysis below the cut.  It’s, uh, ungodly long, and will get very spoilery.  But I will flag spoilers.  And there will be pretty pictures?

(Also, no, I did not go into this planning to compare a manga about crossdressing to the abolitionist writings of Frederick Douglass, but reality deserves to be a bit absurd sometimes.)

Before you think I’m getting spoilery, with the intro I gave or anything I don’t mark as spoilers, I’m really not.  Everything outside of spoilers is right on the package at the start.  It sounds like I’m spoiling late-game stuff, right?  That’s something that was really fantastic to me: this manga doesn’t spoon feed you.  There’s no arcs of pure silent angst, even at the lowest point in the story. These kids are smart, they think and intuit on the spot, and they share what they’re feeling with each other like good friends do.  Like that next panel down there with Itsuki introspecting about his confidence level while crossdressing?  That’s from the first chapter!  These kids are smart.  And god damn that is so nice to see.

There was a lot I liked about this manga, but at the top is how compelling the protagonist and his internal conflict are.  Right from the first chapter he’s already wracked with guilt about what he’s about to do: deceive this girl by pretending to be a safe space.  But Tokujira told Itsuki (♀) she hopes to one day be able to fall in love, and Itsuki wants to ensure she can have that - even if it’s not him that gets to confess to her.  He’s fully aware of exactly how fucked up what he’s doing is, and is appropriately beating himself up over it in a really realistic way.  But although the guilt never fades, it slowly gains company in happiness. He enjoys this new, fragile life he has constructed around the two precious new friends he's made as a girl.

It was probably easy to gloss over in the synopsis, but arguably the biggest part of Itsuki (♂)’s conflict is his complex about his face.  He looks dangerous, and because of that he is afraid to even lift his head or smile in front of others.  But as Itsuki (♀), he smiles and laughs without fear.  It becomes immediately clear to him on the first day that he's a more confident person while crossdressing.  Happier in a way he can't be as a man.

Botan is easily my favorite character in the series.  She’s introduced early on, as Tokujira’s first and only friend before Itsuki (♀).  At the start she’s a dangerous third wheel, a serious threat to Itsuki’s ability to keep up his lie.  And though the situation is (thankfully) defused rather quickly, she becomes a massive source of internal conflict for Itsuki. Nonetheless, she becomes a dear friend for both Itsuki ♂ and ♀. She’s just so...*chef’s kiss*

^This face is the repository of all my love and affection.

Mark my words, this is the first and I assume last time I will ever say this: love triangle good. You know it’s inevitable in a romance genre piece, but this manga approaches the trope in a new and compelling way. [Spoiler] Needless to say, it’s between Itsuki, Tokujira, and Botan.  But...there’s two Itsukis involved, ♂ and ♀, and in the center of it all is this lie. His lie stops being about him: it's about not hurting these two girls he cares so much about. [/Spoiler]

On a more personal note, I saw so much of myself in Itsuki’s older sister, Ibuki.  She runs a salon, catering especially to crossdressers and transwomen.  She’s a self-described “Youthling”, an alien from the planet Youth, obsessed with observing the exciting and turbulent lives of the youths of earth.  For more or less for the same reasons most of us do: transpeople don’t tend to get the youths we want, if we allow ourselves to experience youth at all. So it’s nice to be able to enjoy it vicariously, through this younger generation that is able to more fearlessly pursue the lives we couldn't. 

^Incidentally, one of my favorite interactions in the manga.

Despite getting Itsuki into this crossdressing mess, she’s someone he can always return to and confide in, and get good, helpful advice from.  Her whole philosophy is to give young people agency to explore their identities and find themselves, and though she tells Itsuki the road he's taking is dangerous as soon as she learns what he's doing, she'll always support him however she can.

That, I feel, is what separates her from other, more creepy/pedophilic enabler types, like Sawako from K-On! or Lucoa from Dragon Maid. It’s a refreshingly honest and respectful portrayal of a quirky adult just trying to be a good older sister.

The last thing I want to say, and I’m not going to even mark this as a spoiler because of course it’s going to happen and if you can’t predict that then you’re not my problem, is that Itsuki of course eventually has to drop his lie.  All I’ll say about it is that it is probably going to live in my head for years. Everything about it, the lead up, the execution, the fallout, and the recovery, are all so masterfully crafted for maximum emotional impact.

That’s all I want to say exclusively about my personal feelings.  On to analysis.  There will be a lot more contextual spoilers here that, even without reading the parts I’ve specially blocked off will probably leak through.  Read at your own risk, but I would recommend revisiting after you have finished the manga.

One thing I really want to talk about is language.  That’s right, I’m going to compare a crossdressing manga to The Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, the autobiography of a freed slave turned abolitionist. Douglass talks about a concept that has remained imprinted on my mind ever since I first read it: how and why slaves struggled to comprehend the concept of freedom.  This wasn’t anything to do with fear or “racial inferiority” like pro-slavers would argue, but rather with a lack of vocabulary.  They have all of these feelings and things they know to be true, but lack the words to make meaningful sense of them.  For Douglass specifically, his life completely changed when he learned the word “abolition.”  It was like a floodgate burst, as he was suddenly able to put meaning to feeling, create context from chaos.

And that’s right, we see that happen in a big way, with Tokujira.  This should be an obvious development, but as it happens late in the manga I will mark it [Spoiler].  As Tokujira and Itsuki (♀) practice things like talking, eye contact, holding hands, etc., Tokujira naturally starts to fall for Itsuki (♀).  But she doesn’t understand that.  An important part of her character is that, growing up, she focused on expanding her vocabulary as much as humanly possible in the hopes of being able to better articulate herself.  So words are very important to her.  It’s not until she sees a work of lesbian fiction on display that she finally realizes that’s the word she’s looking for.  The floodgate bursts, and all of her emotions suddenly make sense.  She realizes she loves Itsuki (♀). [/Spoiler]

And I think that is a vital and underexplored concept when discussing LGBT youth, especially in countries where even knowledge of these concepts is taboo.  The reason so many LGBT youth struggle with their identities, especially trans youth, is because we do not have the vocabulary to conceptualize our feelings.  I am always excited to see this concept play out, especially in this context.  It’s such an important thing that needs to be addressed more broadly.

Moving on, I want to talk about historical context of the genre as it relates to what the author did here.  Notably, I want to talk about a specific trope rampant in Japanese queer fiction, specifically early lesbian fiction: the idea that queerdom is a meaningless, youthful phase that children will naturally and inevitably grow out of.  It’s problematic for obvious reasons.

[HELLA HELLA SPOILERS]  My kneejerk reaction to the ending of this manga was that the author fell into this trope.  In the end, Itsuki comes to the conclusion that he does not need to crossdress.  So again, kneejerk.  But...it really wasn’t like that.  He never had any dysphoria; crossdressing was always just a necessity of his circumstance.  Nonetheless he learned to analyze and value his experience crossdressing as a woman, and because of that grew as a man.  And as part of his journey to understand his identity we, through him, see why some people crossdress.  Along with his example, we see why his sister, a bona fide post-op transsexual, has made it a permanent change to her life.  Likewise, we see Miyama, who crossdresses purely for the gender euphoria, but has no (stated) interest in going all the way.  These are all presented as valid and meaningful. [/Spoiler]

Crossdressing, and gender nonconformity in general, is portrayed not as some one-dimensional fetish like cultural taboo would depict it to be, but rather a meaningful exercise for exploring and critically analyzing your own identity.  For some, yes, it’s a phase, but an importantly transformative one when done right.  While for others, it is a gateway to a new way of experiencing and enjoying life.  Or, it’s fun just for the pragmatic reasons...

I honestly cannot recommend this manga enough.  Tragically, I cannot imagine it ever getting an official english translation, so you’ll have to settle for a  scanlation like the one I linked in the title up top (and here, again).  It’s a really good translation, though the site is predictably sketchy.  Warning for lots of NSFW ads.

Read it, and then come talk to me about it!!!  There is basically zero fan community and I need to fangirl with someone!

#long post #and I mean REALLY long post #Ookami Shounen Wa Kyou Mo Uso O Kasaneru #The Boy Who Cried Wolf Also Told a Lie Today #the boy who cried wolf tells a lie today also #analysis