#if anyone wants to donate coins so that i can live my best life in the arcana that’d be cool

[bethiewhimsy]

I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM ‼️‼️

#how DARE he be so cute #asra <3 #sorry for the asra posting can’t help it #if anyone wants to donate coins so that i can live my best life in the arcana that’d be cool

[matan4il]

I watched this episode I think so differently then others. Firstly maybe because I don't have a strong dislike to Buck doing it, I found it rather touching to be honest.. But here's the weird thing to me.

Connor and Eddie are opposite sides of the same coin.. Eddie wants him to be the father of his non biological child because of who he is as a person. Completely involved full stop.

Connor wants him to be the biological father to his child because of who he is. But obviously not involved

But the wacky part to me if this is playing out. Retcon!!!! Retcon at the end of S4 we know Eddie changed his will in S3 after the well. Retcon we know Buck met Connor (in the past) in Buck Begins but that was in S4. So I'm not trying to nerd out here but honest to God how much of this was planned and how will it play out as it intertwines. Especially because Eddie doesn't know yet and he's protective of Buck. But we haven't got to really see that in full display yet.

It cant mean nothing to me this storyline has been in play for awhile and we didn't grasp the importance yet. The same as Athena with her childhood best friend you know. It started out as a oh this is Athena, to oh this is a fully fledged Athena story.

Hi lovely Nonnie!

Thank you for sharing your viewing experience! ^u^ I get what you mean. As an idea, it is a lovely thing. I say this as someone who’s considered in the past being an egg donor, I mean it, I think it’s beautiful to help others like that. But at the end of the day, I also think it depends on someone’s specific type of personality, what place in life they’re at, in other words, how this donation would affect them as well and not just the recipients. Like I said in the 604 meta, I just don’t think that’s something Buck has really considered properly.

I LOVE the way you phrased the contradiction between what Connor and Eddie want. In my mind, there’s no doubt the latter is so much more significant to Buck in terms of helping him heal from his trauma of being unwanted for so long. I also think there’s a difference between what does “because of who [Buck] is” between these two men. Connor knows who Buck was. Even back then, he only knew Buck to a very shallow degree. God, in 405, when Buck started spouting random trivia, Connor couldn’t be more disinterested. If Eddie had been there? You just KNOW he would be listening to Buck with the worst case of heart eyes and the fondest smile ever. Connor does know Buck’s a good person, and he’s right of course. But Buck wears his heart so openly on his sleeve, that’s something that probably anyone who would spend just 5 minutes with him would know. I expected Connor to list more stuff (“You’re kind, you’re smart, you’re brave” Buck presumably still lived with Connor and that gang in s1, before he moved into Abby’s place, so all of this can reasonably come up), but nope, it was just the one thing. Eddie KNOWS Buck and WANTS him for ALL OF IT.

IDK if they planned this out and were gonna re-use the actor from the get go. It is possible they came up with the idea of a friend asking for a sperm donation, then looked into whether the actor for the one character who could be brought back as a “blast from the past” was available and, since he’s not that big of a star yet, they got lucky and could book him. I’m not discounting it! But once they decided to bring him in, whether it was always intended or not, they did make some meaningful choices with him already IMO. ;)

I hope you have a great day, lovely! And here is my ask tag! xoxox

#buddie #911meta #buddie meta #911 meta #9-1-1 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #edmundo diaz #evan buck buckley #christopher diaz #connor #ask #anon ask #911onabc #911 on abc #911abc #911 abc

[jdgo51]

The Relief of Letting Go

Today's inspiration comes from:

A Faith That Will Not Fail

by Michele Cushatt

"If you love anything at all in this world more than God, you will crush that object under the weight of your expectations, and it will eventually break your heart." ~ Timothy Keller, prayer

"'For as long as I can remember, I dreamed of being a mother. I pictured a house full of children, family holidays filled with laughter and traditions, photo albums filled with school pictures, family vacations, and momentous events. This desire influenced where I chose to attend college and how I built a career. I didn’t want anything to get in the way of my dreams of family. Which is in large part why finding out I had cancer while I still had young children at home wrecked me. I looked at my children and couldn’t bear the thought of missing out on their lives.

What pained me the most, though, was the very real possibility that I could die, and then someone else would take my place as my children’s mother. I didn’t want anyone else to play wife to my husband or mom to my children. That was my job. And the fact that I might not be around to fulfill it haunted me. As a result, I tried to hang on to them more tightly. Of course, the tighter you cling to people, the more they resent it. What felt like love to me felt like a stranglehold to them.

This is often the case with more than just people. Try to grasp love, and you’ll lose it. Reach for affirmation and attention, and they will remain elusive. Try to seek financial success, and you’ll miss out on it. Hold it all loosely, though, and you just might find what you were looking for.

In 1857, a twenty-year-old businessman surrendered to God. Although not rich by human standards, he had a solid head for business and desired success. But on his twentieth birthday, he came to a deep awareness of God’s reality and determined to surrender it all to Him, including his dreams of personal and financial success.

On that particular day, Thomas Maclellan penned a prayer releasing his dreams and plans to the will of Christ. This radical relinquishment is difficult to do at any stage in life, even for those who have followed Jesus for decades. But it’s hard to imagine a twenty-year-old aspiring businessman releasing his future and pending success so fully into the hands of his God. And yet this is what Thomas Maclellan did.

“To Thy direction also, I resign myself and all that I have to be disposed of by Thee as Thou shalt see fit. To Thee I leave the management of all events and desire that Thou enable me to say, without reserve, not my will but Thine be done. Knowing that Thou governed all things wisely and will ever do that which is best for me.”1 This is only a small section of the covenant he penned. But it provides a glimpse of his relinquishment of those things he would, otherwise, be tempted to cling to.

Fast-forward more than a hundred and fifty years and Thomas’s covenantal prayer has multiplied into the Maclellan Foundation and more than $600 million in total donations. One man’s willingness to give himself to the will of God has now become generations of men, women, and dollars reinvested in the kingdom. All because one man was willing to let go.2

There’s a story told in the gospel books of Mark and Luke about a poor widow who came to the temple to give her offering (Mark 12:41– 44; Luke 21:1–4). Moments before, Jesus had issued a warning against the teachers of the law, blasting them for their displays of religiosity while “devour[ing] widows’ houses.” They aimed for fame, grasping for attention and recognition. But they failed to see those who needed them most of all.

The gift of letting go... relinquishing all we have, even our lives, to a God who sees.

Against that backdrop, a widow entered the temple along with a crowd of worshipers with offerings. Many deposited huge sums, making quite a show with the sound of their gifts. But the widow offered a couple of coins, an amount so small that no one noticed. Her contribution couldn’t possibly make a difference. It was less than nothing.

Jesus noticed:

Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything — all she had to live on. — (Mark 12:43–44)

Whether your gift is money or ministry, it is possible to give large amounts without giving anything at all. And it is possible to give little and yet give everything. The widow did what so many others find difficult: she held nothing back. Proving that God Himself was indeed her truest treasure, she relinquished all of her earthly riches. And in the end, she left far richer than the rest.

This is the gift of letting go, of relinquishing all we have, even our lives, to a God who sees. Your sacrifice matters, no matter how big or small. Trust Him with it and watch as your faith grows in the giving.

Five-Minute Faith Builder

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. — Galatians 2:20

Much like the widow with her two coins, Thomas Maclellan relinquished his life to his God in a prayer on his twentieth birthday.

“Consecrate all that I am and all that I have, the faculties of my mind, the members of my body, my worldly possessions, my time, and my influence over others, all to be used entirely for Thy glory and resolutely employed in obedience to Thy commands as long as Thou continuest me in life.”3

Read this section of his prayer one more time, and highlight any words or phrases that are meaningful to you. Then find a quiet place, absent of distraction, and pray Thomas’s prayer aloud, releasing your life into the hands of the God who loves you more than all others.

To Him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy. — Jude 24"'

“Our Covenant,” Maclellan.net, https://maclellan.net/our-covenant. “Our History,” Maclellan.net, https://maclellan.net/our-history. Thomas Maclellan, “A Wholehearted Covenant,” Renovaré, https://renovare.org/articles/a-wholehearted-covenant. Excerpted with permission from A Faith That Will Not Fail by Michele Cushatt, copyright Michele Cushatt.

[mrpenguinpants]

Venti and Diluc: Friendship HCs

Hi elliechan! I’ve already written friendship hcs for Venti but I never want to leave anyone hanging (unless the dupe request is incredible specific and I can’t add onto it anymore) so think of it as a part 2. But if you haven’t seen Part 1 yet, I added a link.

Also, I would like to credit fulltimeventisimp​ for helping me out with this fic. My monkey brain couldn’t think of anything for Venti but they gave me literally a fics worth of content. PLEASE IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY, MAKE IT AN ACTUAL FIC! I LOVED IT! I tried my best to not piggy back too hard off it but if it does seem that way, let me know and I’ll definitely change it. 

But thank you 💕💕💕

---

Part 1: Venti Frienship HCs

Xiao: Frienship HCs

[Masterlist]

---

[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@hanniejji​​  @mikeysbike @unionwitch @musekala @sunnshiii @stanzastic​ @akaasea​ @xoneaboveallx​ @adoring-ghost​ @asheseiler​ @childelover​ @dilucsz​ @dai-tsukki-desu​ @thicmitten​

Venti and Diluc: Friendship HCs

Venti

The first time you met the bard, it was when you were visiting Mondstadt as a small pit stop. He was sat on top of some wooden boxes, next to an apple vendor, singing a short ballad. You’ve never encountered bards throughout your journey and he did have a lovely singing voice so you decided to stay a bit and listen in. It felt like the wind itself was carrying his voice throughout the streets but you couldn’t help but feel a bit...melancholy from his tune. Was it homesickness? You clapped with the crowd when the bard finished and on a whim, you decided to buy him a small bag of apples. He seemed to like them as he only asked the apple vendor to gift him two for his efforts. When you paid your purchase the bard seemed to be in a deep conversation with the same vendor that you didn’t want to disturb them, after all you weren’t going to be in Mondstadt for long. So you placed the small bag of apples beside the bard’s lyre with a quick thank you note, a couple extra coins, and continued on your journey. 

You didn’t expect that small act of kindness would lead to anything but when you were preparing for bed, the same bard popped his head outside your window and almost gave you a heart attack. This bard was lucky he didn’t catch you while you were changing your clothes or else things might have turned ugly. He wanted to thank you for your generous donation which you simply waved off explaining that throughout your journey, you never met anyone that could sing quite like him. A small token of appreciation. Perhaps it was because you fed his ego too much or other reasons but that seemed to peak the bards interest and ask about what other fascinating places you’ve been too. You talked about the horrible mountain you needed to climb through to reach Mondstadt, the shining electro lamps of Inazuma that would spark if you got too close, to the clear pools and lotus heads in Liyue. 

“You’ve been around all over the place! Perhaps you would allow me to write a ballad of your conquests?”

“Hm? Is that so? Why don’t you come with me? Go outside the walls of Mondstadt and explore. So you can write your own ballad instead of others.”

“Is this another acting whim of yours?”

“Haha, perhaps.”

Unsurprisingly, you don’t see the bard the next day. It was probably a lot to suddenly ask a stranger to drop everything and come with you to unknown places. But you decided to stay in Mondstadt for a short while and see what the City of Freedom had to offer. From meeting the supposed gliding champion and learning a few pointers, to the mysterious Calvary Captain who you were sure was probably the shadiest person you’ve ever met, to the aloof red headed tavern owner. You weren’t much of a drinker but everyone in Mondstadt, especially the knights, seemed to really enjoy their wine and were incredibly friendly to strangers. On the night you were planning to leave Mondstadt, the rowdy knights you’ve became friends with decided to celebrate and urge you to drink to your hearts content (please drink responsibly haha). You must have been a bit tipsy when you met the bard for a second time, introducing himself properly as Venti. You could blame it on the alcohol when you suddenly challenged him to a drinking contest but it was the most fun you had in a while. You were pretty sure everyone got kicked out but as you leaned against Venti absolutely hammered, laughing about the silliest things, it was the most freeing feeling you’ve ever felt. 

From then on, even after you had left the City of Freedom, you could would randomly see Venti pop up sometimes. Should it be at Starsnatch Cliff or all the way in Wolvendom, you would see a few fluffy feathers appear as the bar- Venti announced his arrival. You were pretty sure Venti was bored whenever he visited you to see what you were up to but you didn’t mind. His liveliness nature was addicting and you were an easy going person. Though, some of the jokes he made, made you a bit suspicious of him. Whenever he would say that Andrius was secretly a grumpy mother hen or that Dvalin was actually a shy sweetheart.

“You sure do know a lot about Mondstadt. You sure you’re just a bard Venti?”

“Hmm, well it shouldn’t hurt to tell you. I am Barbatos. The Anemo Archon of Mondstadt. Pleasure to make your acquaintance..-again.”

“I see...and yet you still get ID checked?” 

“Rude!” 

Outside of Mondstadt, Venti is a whirlwind of emotions. Always wanting to see what’s changed or linking your hands and dragging you off to some far off chest he found. How did his small body have so much strength to nearly pop your arm out? He did come in handy during your Liyue expeditions since he can give you a small boost to just reach the top of that cliff. You thought violet grass was bad, it should be illegal for Qingxin flowers to grow on the very top of mountains. Venti thinks it’s really sweet that you put so much faith in his winds to let yourself fly when he uses his elemental skill. Though, it’s a bit of a double edged sword. When you finally reach the very top and you’re waiting for Venti to join you, he might pretend to loose control and throw himself off the cliff. You sometimes forget he’s literally the anemo archon and you’re ready to go gliding after him before he pops up in front of you to give you another scare. While he’s laughing, you’re already planning how to sneak slime condensate into his hat. 

“You should have seen your face! I didn’t know you could scream like that! Liyue must think a banshee is haunting their mountains again!”

“Watch yourself gremlin, you might wake up without hands tomorrow.”

“Haha, you wouldn’t do that...right? How would you even do that? Why aren’t you saying anything?!”

“Isn’t there a saying in Liyue Venti? You can’t run from your debts? Prepare yourself.”

For as child-like Venti appears, you both end up getting into a bit of trouble when Venti get’s a bit too bold. While it’s incredibly refreshing to see someone speak their mind regardless of the consequences, you actually kind of admire him for that, usually the boldness comes from trying to bribe the bartender for free drinks. Your poor wallet is crying out every time Venti spots a new tavern. While he say’s he will pay you back or he’ll pay you back in a song, you can’t actually eat his words. But on other occasions you can’t help but join in when it happens to be one of the Fatui guards giving you both a hard time. You feel like you’re acting out a Shakespearian play with all the flowery nonsense and metaphors you’re both spitting out. 

When you’re both in the thick of a forest or even on top of Liyue’s mountain, Venti will bring his lyre out and strum his strings softly as you both fall into a comfortable silence. Looking at the sunset or relaxing under the trees as the sun peaks through as you both live in the moment. It’s these times that you’re harshly reminded that Venti is an archon as he slips out of his persona and speaks as Barbatos. He tells you how fun your adventures have been, that he was glad to have made friends with you, speaking as if you’re about to die tomorrow. You’re not sure how to handle it, what kind of burden Venti is carrying, but you immediately drop everything and comfort him. Giving him a strong but warm hug that you’re still here and he’s not alone right now. 

“Come on, I’m still waiting for the Ballad of Venti. You haven’t given up on that right?” 

“Hmph, of course not. Every being deserves a name to be called upon, and woven into a song.”

Diluc

It was a peaceful day, one Diluc hadn’t felt in a long time in his hectic life. Though it was a bit too early to determine how the day would go since it was still noon. The tavern would soon get loud as it approached night but for now. Everything was peaceful. The sounds of Monstadt streets bustling. The peaceful atmosphere as the sun shone through the windows. Working on mundane tasks of wiping the counter down. No Kaeya in sight. A small moment of peace. All broken when his door was kicked nearly off its hinges as you announced your return from your shopping trip as if you had returned after a 3 year long journey. Diluc sighs under his breath, takes a moment to pray he doesn’t need to repair his door again, and helps you with your bags as you ramble about your day. 

To others, it’s always seems a bit weird when they catch Diluc and you chatting since Diluc always gives off the lone wolf persona and yet you’re this ball of sunshine. Maybe it’s because you knew Diluc when he was a child, back when he was still bright-eyed, that you never treated him any differently when he came back. Diluc never really talks about it but he’s happy that you’re still the same and he can let himself relax with you. He still keeps his silent demeanor as he listens to you talk about anything and everything, it helps keeps his mind occupied, but he might add a few comments here and there. Just to let you know he’s still listening. 

You know what sounds really hot? Sitting in the same room with someone while you both do your own respective thing. You both don’t feel forced to talk to each other just because you’re in the same room or you have to do everything together just because you’re together. It’s an easy atmosphere that settles as Diluc works on business papers and you’re planning your next expeditions. Until you end collapsing on his couch because your brain processing has suffered enough and it’s time to take a nap. You always end up dragging him out of his work to go outside and take a nice doze in the sun. 

If you ever have a problem, he won’t necessarily coddle you unless it really bothers you or you’re in a situation where it could hurt you, but he’ll do everything to help you work through it. You’re his friend and if someone is giving you a hard time then he has no problem chasing them away, especially if its a Fatui member. If it happens to be Kaeya, well that’s an entirely different story. Likewise, if it appears to you that Diluc is going through a rough time you’ll try and comfort him. Do small little things to let him know that you care and while he doesn’t need to tell you what’s wrong, you’re here to support him. 

Diluc enjoys playing chess against you, even if he wins most of the time, you’re always so determined that he can’t help but laugh along with your over reactions. Presenting him an entire 20 page paper on chess and yet getting checkmated in 10 turns. You’re 95% sure all the chess strategies he offered were all fake, if his smug grin is anything to go by. You both have agreed to never play darts together, well more specifically, you’re pretty sure you’re banned from playing darts when you almost hit Adelinde. That was the first time you ever genuinely feared for your life. 

Whenever Diluc has to attend a gala or has to host a party to further his business, he’s always appreciative when you show up. You’re not exactly apart of royalty or even a business owner but it’s so refreshing to Diluc, after spending so much time keeping a polite attitude and trying to talk business, when he can come to you as you laugh about how one lady almost tripped because her dress was too long. Sometimes he’ll lean a bit on you or pretend to be in a conversation just so he can recharge. 

More often then not, you’re mistaken to be Diluc partner even though the idea of holding Diluc’s hand makes you want to throw up. But when Diluc get’s random father’s trying to offer their daughter’s hands in marriage, he’ll pull the excuse he’s already with someone if they can’t no for an answer. It’s always funny to you, linking arms with Diluc and re-telling the grandiose story about how Diluc saved you from falling off a cliff when you were both younger and you were both star-crossed lovers that were destined to be together. Or something like that, you’re pretty sure you’ve changed the story enough times that you can’t keep track. But it seems to work and as soon as they are out of ear’s reach you make a quick gagging motion. He shoves you a bit to which you elbow him in the side. Old habits die hard. 

---

I swear, I could probably recite character stories word for word at this point. Gripping my writing hand don’t make it angsty, don’t make it angsty, don’t fucking do it. But I still did, whoops. 

I feel like my fics are really long so I’ll add a read more tag. Mmm writing styles are hard. I don’t know if I like this;; I ended up writing so much to try and combine my “hcs are just another word for fics just without the dialogue” and “actual headcanons” styles. Ahh, well whatever. I have to go speedrun my assignments since genshin is going to eat all my time this week. 

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin imagines #genshin impact imagines #genshin headcanons #genshin impact headcanons #genshin fanfic #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin fluff #genshin impact fluff #genshin venti #genshin impact venti #genshin venti x reader #venti x reader #venti #venti x lumine #venti x aether #venti headcanons #venti imagines #genshin diluc #genshin impact diluc #genshin diluc x reader #diluc x reader #diluc #diluc x aether #diluc x lumine #diluc headcanons #diluc imagines

[itsmoonphobic]

👑Royal Buisness👑 (SBI+Tommy AU)

Hello!My name is Moonbow and I am a huge sbi+more fan! And so I decided to do my bois some justice and create a au based off of dnd and skyrim!They all reside in the land of "Bladestrom" a legendary kingdom build out of mysterious ruins and on the ground where dragons once rested.I will let you in on some headcanons and insights about each character!I hope you guys enjoy it🥺👑💓

Dave(Techno) Blade:

The 12th heir of the throne King Technoblade,or simply King Blade.A strong and fearless warrior known for his determination,power and strength.

He has a serious and egoistic facade.Though in reality the king is anything but egoistic and serious.Quiet the opposite actually:He tends to be very polite and respectful.Sure his ego is the size of a full grown dragon but he is a big hearted man.

Techno mostly stays in his castle walls and prefers to read or write in peace.The only time he will actually step foot in the outside world was during night,when his people need him or his favorite hobby ;)

He has a pretty unbalanced and unhealthy sleeping schedule which he constantly gets reminded of.

The only person Techno actually lets into his private life is his best friend Phil.Phil is Techno's personal knight and right hand man.Techno trusts Phil with his eyes closed,his loyalty is very appreciated.

A huge downside for Techno's reputation is that he is really shy and socially awkward.The poor guy can't find the right words or say anything normal without feeling like he said something fully absurd.

Apart from reading and fighting,Techno loves to farm potatoes in his free time.He loves the fresh taste once they are harvested and prepared properly!!His potatoes are known to be from the best quality in the whole land!Which earns Techno some extra money.

Techno won't admit it infront of Phil or anyone else but he has a soft spot for children,especially orphans. He knows the feeling of growing up without parents and he feels connected to them.That's why Techno stops by the local orphanage to donate some money he earned from his potato farming.

Techno loves to train and upgrade his swordsmanship abilities to their fullest potential.Always coming up with new strategies and techniques to use whenever the time for war would fall upon them once again.

And speaking of war,the thing that terrified the neighboring kingdoms and enemies even more about King Blade is the fact that he never manages to lose. Everyone stupid enough to challenge the king of Bladestrom would go down in shame and regret.

Though Techno isn't really in control of himself in those types of situations.His lust for blood overcomes his senses and he can't but see red with every step he takes on the battlefield.

Phil is usually the one who manages to calm him down and get him back to his normal self.Techno would feel awful and expose the side he hates the most about him to Phil: Vulnerability

Techno doesn't take things very seriously.He is very sarcastic and relaxed all the time,and that's what makes him even scarier.

He competes in the yearly bladestrom championships which is a battle arena with different challenges and obstacles you have to beat.And suprise,suprise Techno wins em' all!

Techno suffers from adhd and anxiety.Something that only Phil is aware of is Techno's ptsd.He didn't exactly have the luxurious and perfect life growing up,so when he ends up getting nightmares or panic attacks Phil's dad instincts take over and do their thing.

Long story short,Techno doesn't necessarily know his limits,but he is hundred percent aware of his strengths and weaknesses.He protects and takes care of the people he deeply cares about and welcomes them as family.His power is what makes him a fearless and violent king.But his heart is what makes him a kind and understanding human.And if he ever forgets about that side of him he simply has to listen to the repeated beating in his chest.

Phil Watson:

The royal guard with a five year long achievement on staying at the top of his game and ranking as the number one royal knight.

Earning himself the trust and life long,brother like friendship with the king himself was a big plus!

Phil is a very loyal and hardworking man.He seeks justice and always wants to take things the slow and pacifistic way before instantly turning to violence and bloodshed,much unlike his best friend.

Phil is very kind,and gentle when he needs to be. Everyone loves seeing Phil in the local town tavern or in a city bar.He always seems to read poeple like an open book and find the right topics to talk about.

Techno and Phil have a very close and important relationship.They are like a brothers,though Techno secretly looks up to Phil like a father he never had. Phil would risk his life for Techno,not only becouse of his duty as his personal guard,but becouse family comes first.

Phil is a very wholesome and strong willed guy.

Whenever Techno is feeling down or something like a panick attack or nightmare is happening,Phil immediately notices it.Techno doesn't have to say a word for Phil to hug him and take care of the vulnerable king in his hands.

He will find Techno on his balcony while patrolling the castle halls or garden in the middle of the night just staring at the moonlit sky.He always seems so lost in thought and carefree that Phil simply smiles and continues his work.

He does scold him for not resting enough the next day though-so he's never really off the hook :D

Phil is also the only person who really knows Techno.He knows his deepest fears,biggest insecurities and darkest secrets.He sees him in moments where the world would turn his back on him but Phil doesn't and he never will.That's what he promised him all those years ago.

Long story short,Phil is very kind and hardworking.He takes problems into his own hands and solves them the best way he possibly can.He can and will tease the living daylight out of Techno and that infront of other residents of the castle who don't know if they should laugh or simply stare in shock.Phil deeply loves and cares of Techno like his son and always makes sure ro put his well being infront of his own.

(I WOULD DIE FOR PHIL-HE IS SO WHOLESOME AHHH-)

Wilbur Soot:

A lonesome musician on the lookout for money and success-

Wilbur is a guitarist living on the streets of Bladestrom He goes from bar to bar and performs his musical talent there.Though the majority of the time Wil plays and sings on the streets.

Earning money is hard so affording an apartment,even a room for a few nights is almost impossible for Wilbur since he only earns a few silver coins per night,that is if he gets lucky and poeple actually listen to him.

He is very charming and suave,also add the fact that he is pretty handsome to the list and you have yourself the perfect boyfriend.May I inform you that his voice is a perfect balance between velvety and rough-

Wilbur isn't from Bladestrom.He grew up in another kingdom which he can't remember the name from since he arrived here during a war 19 years ago.

He never really heard from his parents,they just sort of disappeared.But that was something Wilbur didn't question,he didn't care about them.He learned how to survive and keep himself company.He doesn't need a family ro accomplish his goals.

Wilbur is a huge gentleman and he is also tends to be extremely flirtatious,which he is really good at btw!So yeah he earns himself some extra points with the ladies ;)

His biggest dream that he is trying to achieve is to become a famous musician in the whole entire land. Opening his own theater and doing what he loves the most.Sing and perform.

But living on the streets has it's ups and down's.Most nights Wilbur has to deal with drunk people wandering the alleyways or annoying little children who constantly pickpocket you-

Wilbur will sometimes nonchalantly sneak into a hotel and sleep in one of their cozy beds,since he doesn't experience that feeling often.Or the places he performs at reward him with shelter instead of money.

Long story short,Wilbur can keep apart dreams and reality.He is a smart and sly person who knows how to accomplish his goals.Even though Wilbur has his one Night stands more than often he would never betray a woman if he got into a serious relationship,which he plans on not having any time soon.He keeps to himself and sternly focuses on the things that matter in life,everything else is irrelevant.

Tommy Simons:

An energetic orphan with no manners and the mouth of a sailor.

Tommy grew up on the streets,any memory of his past life or family only appear as a missing puzzle piece or a black canvas.

Tommy is a very outgoing and optimistic person,his emotions are practically worn out on his sleeves.

Spending his days in the local town orphanage Tommy met a few poeple who he spends his time with.You could say that he has formed a wierd alliance with his more questionable friends.

Tommy learned how to defend himself and make sure that his "gang" stas safe aswell.He is quite the expert at pickpocketing which comes in handy.

Being quick and light on his feet,if Tommy does get caught by the royal guards he manages to escape and get away with the stuff he stole.

On the other hand though,Tommy is extremely clumsy and seeks huge amount of admiration in any way.He constantly wants people to refer to him as the best.

And to repeatedly prove himself worthy of that title he picks fights with multiple poeple and always manages to make poeple hate him.He won't say it out loud but he sees the bloody noses and bruises as badges of honor,he's proud of them.

This little troublemaker has only one person he dreams to meet one day,but for now he can only hear stories about him and admire him from afar.And that person is none other than King Blade himself.

Oh what he would give to train with him and show off his badass moves and fighting skills.

Long story short,Tommy doesn't think before he acts and he surprisingly manages to pull off any stupid stunt he plans to do.For Tommy it's kill or be killed.Either you face your fears head on and establish dominance or you act like a coward and run away.And there was no way Tommy ever does the second option even if it gets him into dangerous situations.Tommy is very overprotective over poeple he cares about,his guild is his brotherhood,his family,and he would do anything for them,even going sofar as risking his life.

THIS IS ALL I HAVE FOR NOW-I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS AU BECOUSE I AM ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE AND I CAN'T GET OVER THE FACT THAT MY BRAIN ACTUALLY MANAGED TO WORK PROPERLY AND CREATE SOMETHING USEFUL-Sorry I ramble alot,anyway I am definitely planing on making this a whole ass fanfiction on AO3 so yeah KWKDJWKIS I AM HYPED!!Love u all <3

#mcyt #au #alternate universe #technoblade #wilbur soot #ph1lza #tommy innit #minecraft #videogames #minecraft youtubers #royalty au #headcanon #i hope this is okay! #i love this #very proud #sleepy bois inc #sleepyboisinc #sleepy bois

[spectrumed]

9. conversation

(I wrote this after having a few drinks, so I apologise for the occasional digression.)

One time, some years ago, I was at medborgarplatsen in Stockholm. I was about to watch a movie at the cinema there, Filmstaden Söder. I can’t remember the movie, but this was at a time I wanted to prove my worth as a cinephile, so it wasn’t a blockbuster. For those of you who don’t know the way around Stockholm, medborgarplatsen is a square that is pretty close to the heart of the city, some may even argue that it is the heart of the city (though, I wouldn’t.) The name translates to “the citizen’s place,” an example of Swedes’ general commitment to all things egalitarian. Though, nowadays, most citizens can only dream of living in a place as central as medborgarplatsen. Södermalm, the borough in which medborgarplatsen is located, used to be known as quite the working class slum. Though, like with most global cities these days, things have changed. I don’t much like to complain about gentrification, I think it has more to do with governments’ reluctance to build new apartments, preferring instead to stick their heads in the sand and pretend as if population numbers aren’t increasing. Like, sure, I am not asking you to tear down all those old buildings to build new ones that’ll have enough room for more people, all I am asking is for you to expand, build more homes near the city and develop the right kind of infrastructure and public transport that allows for people to not need a car to get around. Cities are supposed to be lived in, they are not history museums! It drives me nuts, all these NIMBYs and their incessant whining and complaining about basic and inevitable societal progress. GAH! JUST BUILD MORE GODDAMMIT!

… I am sorry, I think I happened upon a tangent here divorced from the actual topic I wish to discuss. In any case, I was about to watch a movie at the cinema, and I had an hour or so to spend before it started. I was around people. Naturally, I was uncomfortable. People, you never know what they’re up to. They could be spying on you. They could be recording you. Or worse, they could be entirely indifferent to your presence. It is scary how others treat you, or how they refuse to treat you. It is easier not to be around people. Or well, be around people on the internet. That way you can get some social interaction, without having to be physically present. Being face-to-face with a person, that can go either one of two ways. Either you find a familiar soul, someone you can relate to. Someone you can love. Someone you could imagine spending your life with. Or you find someone that makes you feel icky, someone who makes you want to jump off a cliff. And it is difficult to find a cliff when you’re standing in the middle of a city, at a public square. Not many cliffs are to be found in the middle of cities. You’ve likely experienced the sensation of finding yourself in an uncomfortable situation, one you wish you could escape from, yet knowing that you are stuck. The icy feeling overtaking you. The dread. The profound desire to just do whatever you can to convince whoever is pressuring you to go away and leave you alone. Even if that means paying them money.

A person came up to me looking for charitable donations. Now, I am not a rich man. I certainly don’t spend all day long biddy biddy bum. I am not a wealthy man with a wife looking like a rich man’s wife with a proper double-chin, supervising meals to her heart’s delight. I wish I could give more to charity, but I can’t. I feel very uncertain about my future. I fear for my economic prospects. Don’t ask me for money, I don’t have any to give. There are plenty of filthy rich people in this world, ask them for their charitable donations. Many of them don’t even pay taxes. Surely, they have lots of cash. They stay in their penthouses, worshipping Mammon, and they certainly don't go down any citizens’ squares. What kind of money do you expect to receive from bothering a person like me? I don’t look rich. Or maybe I do. Someone might look at me and think I’m one of those rich kinds of nerds, an internet wiz kid, a programmer who made some website that’s now really famous. In any case, I am not. I am just a lost and confused sheep yearning for a shepherd to guide me.

The person showed me a series of photographs of women being victimised. Some tortured, some beaten up, some exploited. Pakistani women. The person was raising money to help Pakistani women. A noble mission, certainly. What was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to say that “no, I don’t care about Pakistani women” and just walk away? I didn't want the person to think of me as some callous western chauvinist who isn’t willing to spend some of my money to make a real change. I do care. I care very deeply. But, well, I just don’t really have money. Not in that way. Not in a way that can make a difference. Still, if you’ve got a truly burning sense of justice, a desire to see things wrong get fixed, see the righteous win, then you will want any kind of cash donation you can get. I sympathise. I understand that the person showing me the photographs may not have cared to figure out whether I had money or not. I clearly did not look starving (I am fat.) Surely I could afford to make a donation. Even the littlest bit counts. I needed to give. They needed me to give. Just give a little bit. C’mon. Don’t you care about Pakistani women?

I ummed and ahhed for a bit. I felt cautious, nervous, wondering how I could possibly explain my concern for these women while also recognising my lack of being able to really contribute monetarily to help them. Of course, at the moment, my cognitive functions weren’t properly functioning. No, I was stammering, I was overwhelmed, I was suffering a sensory overload. All these people around me, all this noise. I could have given the person asking me for a donation just some coins, a paltry sum, then pretended as if that was enough. But I didn’t. I gave him half of the money that I had on me. Not too much, but a significant amount of Swedish crowns. More than the cinema ticket cost me. Money I wasn’t prepared to spend at that moment. Still, it served the purpose. It made the world around me calm down. It lessened the storm. I don’t want to live in a world of chaos. I want things to be ordered. An ordered world can be understood, it can be categorised. Chaotic agents threaten the peace. Chaos makes me worry I might be exposed. I don’t want anyone knowing just how weird I am, just the kind of freak that I am. I want them to think I am normal. It’s easier to pretend to be normal when everything is calm, when people don’t freak me out.

One of the biggest social mistakes I’ve made is engaging in conversation with a person claiming to need money to take a bus to the dentist. They claimed that they had a dentist appointment, and in fact, it was paid for. They just didn’t have the money to pay for the bus. They needed me to give them just that little bit of money to buy a bus ticket. Simple, right? They were eager to convince me, so they began sticking their finger in their mouth, pointing at the tooth that needed to be pulled out. I told them that they didn’t need to show me, I believed them. But of course, I only said that because they made me feel uncomfortable. Did I believe them? Of course not. The person was clearly just looking for cash, a real scam artist, but I wasn’t socially adept enough to dismiss them. Sure, I can look back on it and think about this or that thing I should've said. Instead I just awkwardly mentioned needing to catch my own bus and that I didn’t have the time to talk. The scam artist followed me, continuing to engage me in conversation. I tried to appear sympathetic, I tried to appear normal, and the person took advantage of that. They needled me. They urged me to pay attention to them, making me feel like a monster if I didn’t. In the end I told them I would get them the money, but instead I ran and stepped on the bus heading back home to my place. They didn’t follow me. Of course they didn’t follow me. They didn’t have a bus ticket.

I came across them later, days later, at the subway. They saw me, tried to get my attention, but I ran into the crowd, hitting the escalator before they could get close. Later I saw them get accosted by security guards, clearly reprimanded for their behaviour, scamming people. Cornering people, telling them lies, then asking for cash. That’s not virtuous behaviour. Still, the security guards could only do so much. Did they stop the person from trying to scam people? Of course not. The person kept on badgering whoever paid them just the littlest bit of attention. Whoever looked kind. Whoever would be inclined towards making charitable donations. I had escaped that one time, but the person was adamant that they wanted me to give them the money they thought they deserved. Whenever I’d take the subway, they’d be there, trying to get my attention. And I kept running. I kept doing my best to avoid them. I felt like a real fool. Why couldn’t I just assert myself, pump up my chest and tell them that I was on to them? I knew the truth, I knew they were a fraud. Yet, I just wanted to avoid it all. I wanted to pretend as if I didn’t know them. That everything was just calm and peaceful, and there wasn’t a storm brewing somewhere nearby. This was everything about being surrounded by people that I hated. This, right here, was the ultimate reason I knew for wanting to become a hermit. Not having to put up with this kind of bullshit.

One time, the last time, the person came up to me, I couldn’t escape. I was waiting for the train. I was about to get to a lecture. The person saw me, and they stood right in front me. I was wearing headphones. I pretended I could not hear them. I pretended I could not even conceive of them, as if my mind were someplace else entirely. I pretended as if I had erased them from existence. They didn’t immediately catch on. They stood in front of me and they began commenting on my appearance. They decided, quite unusually, to congratulate me for my beard. Stating that I looked good with facial hair. Of course, I do. My beard looks amazing. I am not insecure about my beard. I may be insecure about my weight, I may be insecure about some things, but the two things I am not insecure about are my height (I’m 6’2”) and my beard. Still, I refused to acknowledge the scam artist’s existence. Other people waiting for the train were looking at us. They thought it was strange that I just stood there, looking straight ahead ignoring the person standing in front of me. But I did what I needed to do. The scam artist touched me, I still ignored them. Honestly, that is one of the most uncomfortable things I have ever experienced. Their hand on my chest. Them touching me. Still, I didn’t budge. Eventually, they gave up. They went away. I had won. I should’ve felt good about myself, I had come out on top. But I didn’t. I still felt awful. I had hurt their feelings. Why am I so weird, why am I so awkward? I really don’t know how to behave like a normal person.

I think I do better in long conversations with people than in short little chats. You can’t just get a quick impression of me and think you know me. One reason why I don’t think I could ever make for a good one-night stand. Unless you know me, I’m not a real person. I am just a caricature. I don’t feel as if I am really there, as if my presence alone is enough to make me a person. I am only a person through commitment, through being understood by someone else that has the right kind of patience to put up with me. For the most part, only I myself have that kind of patience. That’s why I enjoy my own company. I feel as if I freak out too easily when meeting new people. I feel as if I overwhelm them with information, like as if I am some walking thunderstorm demanding their attention. Yes, that’s the great irony of it all. I say that I struggle to put up with the chaos of others, the wild sea of people swarming the city, yet I am the worst chaotic agent of them all. I am a mess of a person. I am hullabaloo incarnate. And that is why I feel such an incessant need to repress. Don’t press the button that lets open the floodgates. Keep it all bottled up. Keep on being repressed. Keep on staring straight forwards, ignoring that person trying to scam you for money.

Of course that person isn’t reading this blog post. They’re busy trying to find some other sucker to pay for their drug fix, or whatever it is that they need money for. Maybe they’re just trying to pay for rent. In any case, if I had the person here with me, right at this moment, I would tell them… Well, I would yell at them… I would absolutely admonish them… I would... I would… I would probably just ignore them. It is so easy to try and pretend as if you’re more sociable than you actually are. In your head, things seem so easy. Yes, I know what I’d say, I know exactly how to express myself. But in reality, well, things are complex, the overwhelming actuality of it all swamps you. When haven’t you had that idea for the perfect comeback of a line to sling at a person you’re quarrelling with only after the argument is over? When haven’t you had an idea for just the right and proper way to awe another person with your mind and your words. I am sure they will be impressed with me now, if only I say the right things. If only I can act the right way. If only I don’t fuck it up. If only I don’t act like such a dork.

This blog is easy. I get to think about every word I express here. I get to erase sentences I don’t like. That backspace on the keyboard, it’s well-worn with use. Some folks don’t understand how I can be autistic and still be as good with words as I am. This is my second language that I am writing in. I am not some mute little chicken, some gagged little monkey. I know how to express myself, when I get the time. When I get that moment to write, I will write, and I won’t stop until I am done. All my posts I tend to write in one go, late at night when I should be going to bed. When I am in the right mood. When all those synapses in my brain fire the right way. Those moments, they are common, but they aren’t to be summoned just when I need them. They come when they wish to come. I can only be a passenger, going along with my brain, doing whatever it demands. In those other moments, those moments I am standing there, waiting for the train, I may become entirely mute. I may not have a single thing to say. I may look like a real dummy, some real himbo, utterly lost for words. I am not pretending, at those moments. I truly am lost for words. At some times, language is easy. At other times, I don’t even understand how to string a basic sentence together.

I am tired. I am going to go to bed.

#neurodivergent #neurodiversity #autism spectrum disorder #autism #aspergers #mental health

[heliosthegriffin]

What to do after death; Vampirism

Preface -

I feel the name says it all.

But, I will elaborate anyhow.

I don’t intend on becoming a Vampire, at all. It’s a raw deal and one-way passage into a hell of my own making.

I suspect should I actively pursue becoming a Vampire I will lose my soul to damnation. Vampire’s are often the results of the foulest of magic and consorting with satanic entities with depraved offerings or just as often the results of those black souled individuals who find happiness in the torment of others. If I am not planning on becoming a Vampire, why I am I making this list?

Easy, it pays to be prepared. Just because I don’t seek undeath doesn’t protect me from being turned against my will. I am of the belief, once you have become a Vampire against your will you die and lose your soul, leaving a husk behind. A husk that has all your memories, personality, and desires, but none of the restraint, humanity or compassion. A sociopath with supernatural powers and a need for life essence of others to maintain my own parasitic existence.

I am making the list to give myself direction after death so as to prevent as much suffering as I can, and if possible, try and help humanity grow.

I can only hope my husk listens to my will.

My family is well armed otherwise, they will do what must be done, as I would do for them.

-----------

The List

-----------

Step One - Leave home, let’s not take any chances hurting my loved ones, or former loved ones, I owe them that much.

a) Construct a note though, tell them all how much they meant to me and why I am leaving, be through and leave nothing out, but don’t tell them where I am headed. Leave the code-word I have with our elder brother so he understands and tell him he’s free to what I leave behind.

b) Make a pack, get one of our knives in there and get a gun. Get some blankets so I can cover-up during the day, actually many blankets and some stones so that they’ll be weighted down. This is a temporary solution however.

c) Empty my bank account as much as possible. Cash and coin will be more beneficial if I’m going off the grid.

d) Leave town.

Step Two - Head north and head to a bigger city

a) Buy a sleeping bag and tent at the closest opportunity.

b) Keep an ear to the ground, find out who can go missing and people would be thankful that their gone. Pick my targets carefully, never more than one person at a time and always when their not expecting it, I’m a predator I should act like it. I might have supernatural powers, but I can’t be prepared for everything and people will know my weakness if I get found out.

c) Aim for the scum of the earth, get rid of them, but not until I have conclusive evidence. But, when I do have it, it’s feeding time, make sure to take their valuables, will need it for future plans.

d) Do that for about a month and move on, can’t stay anywhere for too long. But, before we leave buy a couple books on architecture, vampires, morals and ethics, stone-working, physics, building ect. We’re going to need it.

e) Find out if I can sustain our-self off animal blood.

Step Three - Rinse and Repeat. Go from city to city in our state till I’ve cleaned out what I can. Hopefully I’ll have a duffel-bag of money and valuables, along with those books.

a) Study those books. Find out what kind of vampire I am, make sure I learn about building castles.

b) Take some time to practice building.

c) Practice hunting; Hunt some animals to drink their blood if that helps, practice skinning and chopping up the parts. Donate the meat if I can, or leave at a poor home, they probably won’t be able to afford throwing it away.

d) Learn about interior decoration.

e) Get some better guns, drop off the gun we borrowed from our family along with a chunk of changes, leave them another note that we’re doing fine.

Step Four - Time to move. By the time I’ve hit this step I should have hit all the large towns, which depending we’re counting above or below ten thousand as a big town could take us from anywhere three years to around four if I cut off at nine thousand in population for a big town. It’s hard to say how much money I’ll have at this point, but It must be at least ten thousand dollars at a minimum if I’ve spent all my time eating, murdering, and robbing scum of the earth at least once a month for three to four years.

a) Head north. I need to get to Detroit. That place is so crime ridden no will notice a vampire. If there already vampires there leave, go find another crime-ridden hell-hole. I assume vampires get stronger, or at least craftier with age, I am not fucking with any old monsters.

b) On the way there repeat the Step three on any big cities on the way there, cover my tracks.

c) Make sure to pawn off what I can. Invest in urban camo and a bullet-resistant vest.

d) Keep practicing stone masonry, and improve my gun skills. I don’t need to chase anyone down if they can run, plus I can suck the blood from the wounds, it’ll be like a water fountain.

e) Read that book on physics and other science books, I am playing the long game, look into magic too. Nothing is better than magic or science than knowing the rules to both. Don’t fuck with demon’s though.

Step Five - Settle down for a while and then move again, once I get to my crime-ridden hellhole of my choice take some time to start eliminating the seedy elements. If not, start going for the low hanging fruit, I can’t help everybody, but I can help somebody.

a) Find some random kid and become their guardian, a great way to kill time probably.

   ai.) By guardian, I don’t mean parent, I’m talking more guardian spirit. A vampire rasing a child is a recipe for disaster.

   aii.) Don’t get too attached though, after their in a good place leave. I’m not       doing it for good, I’m doing it to maintain a little humanity.

b) By now I should have enough to fund a new identity and since I now live in a corrupt hell-hole it should be easy to enter the system. If I don’t have enough money, then attain it. Don’t try and intimidate anybody just yet me, I don’t have enough influence yet and it’ll just end up screwing me over.

c) Buy an actually house, fake a life for about ten years, then move to another corrupt hell-hole. Start saving valuable, no, start a war found, we’re going to need it.

Step Six - Start prepping for the End. Humanity has conflict in it’s blood, it’s only a matter of time before we go nuclear. Use the funds we have to buy some land in the mountains. Use the stone masonry skills and architect skills I’ve attained over the last several decades to build a fortified castle with space age materials.

a) Create a underground vault for my mortals.

b) Install anti-air defenses, install ground defences, booby-trap my land.

c) Creating a sustainable area for farming if possible, if not work on making sustainable green houses.

d) Start preserving all of human history, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Movies, games, books, porn, all of it. It needs to be preserves. Put it all in the vault. Record all the science, by hand if neccasary.

e) Start stealing relics so that they can be preserved by me. I am definitely going Trazyn the Infinite.

f) Start recruiting people for my cause, screen each and every one.

g) Put my room at the top of the mountain with as long stair case as possible, If these fuckers want to kill me while I sleep I want them to have leg cramps while they do it. Also put booby trap my coffin room.

Step Seven - Rebuilding Society or keep playing the waiting game. If the world has torn itself apart, I will then do what I feel is the best choice. Create bio-augmented techno-knights, or not. 

a) Hopefully decades of research on physics, matter, and engineering will allow me to create powered armor knights, but if not, just keep researching.

b) Make a secret castle deeper into the mountains no one else can reach without significant resources, or supernatural abilities. Start moving my lab, my vault, my copies of human history and media, plus my stored blood there.

c) When I finally succeed leave my first castle to my servants and teach them what I have to offer, leave them the blue prints for becoming techno-knights and leave. I no longer have a place among men or their future, I will merely safeguard the past and record it.

d) Go to my new castle and spend eternity studies reality and building more castles.

-------

Afterword: The probability of me becoming a vampire is close to zero, and the idea of my soul-less husk following is these steps is even less, but should it work it will have been worth it.

#My Stuff #Vampire #After death

[losille2000]

Mister America, Prologue: Massachusetts

CHAPTER NUMBER: 1/? CHARACTERS: President!Chris Evans/OFC (see notes) GENRE: Romance/Drama FIC SUMMARY: After a massive social media write-in campaign organized by others, Chris finds himself thrust into a spotlight that he is unprepared to handle. His campaign managers suggest that a political marriage might help him weather the storm and help his image during the campaign... just so long as it isn’t the one woman Chris really wants. RATING: M  WARNINGS:  Nothing. AUTHORS NOTES: This story is AU in the fact that this is the 2020 presidential race, and Chris is a candidate. But everything in the past is still the same with him being an actor. Also, COVID-19 is not a part of this story. I needed to play in a land where COVID didn’t exist and “Captain America,” in his alter ego, punched out a Nazi in a metaphorical(?) way. For more on the story, go here.

This first part is prologue-y.

I have also curated a soundtrack for all 50 states, and then some. You can listen on Spotify right now, may eventually put it on Youtube. There will be 50 chapters (I’m hoping), but many of them will be shorter.

Also on AO3!

Boston, MA Evans for President Campaign Headquarters November 3rd, 2020 30 Minutes Before First Polls Close

Stage fright is no joke.

When it hits, it hits like a semi truck going seventy on an icy Massachusetts road. In the blink of an eye, you’re completely obliterated. Except this is on stage and you’re not dead, even though you wish you were. In fact, you’re very much alive. Alive enough to feel the force of the impact, followed by the squeezing in your chest and choking on your breathless words. Paralysis takes over. Cold clammy sweat slicks your palms and also trickles down your back to that one spot between your shoulder blades you can’t reach, but causes your costume to uncomfortably stick to your skin.

There’s no escape. You know what’s coming. You worry you’ll forget your lines, or trip on your cue, or make a complete and utter fool of yourself. You feel like an imposter, questioning why you’re here, in this role, when that dude, JD, from your acting class years ago was a million times more talented than you, and you’re the one that got that teen movie deal.  You’re the one who became one of America's most beloved superheroes for a decade.

You’re also the one who has a very real chance of winning the 2020 presidential election, despite no college education, limited understanding of what elected officials in DC actually do on a day to day basis, and the closest thing you have to experience as a “boss” or “commander in chief” of anything was a movie set or two where you were director and executive producer. 

Nope.

What I, Chris Evans, have is a dedicated online fan base who took the time to write my name into ballots when they discovered I had filed for ballot access in every state of the union. I didn’t do the filing on a whim; we sat around late one night talking about the interviews I had been conducting in DC for a website about party positions on important issues. My business partners and I came up with the idea that a long form documentary about campaigning would be interesting, and we determined the best way to understand the process was to become a “candidate” myself. Meaning, we only planned to use the credentials to be on the front line of the campaigning process. I was never going to create signs and make speeches or debate with others.

I never intended to run a legitimate campaign.

But, as I mentioned, something strange happened during the Democratic primaries. People started to vote for me, a trickle of rain in a hurricane.

I won a few primary delegates.

Without even trying.

Not enough to win the Democratic ticket, but enough to make pollsters sit up and take notice.

My loyal fans stepped in again, undaunted, and ignited a storm. They dubbed it “Operation America’s Ass” and created a grassroots campaign across the country with GoFundMe donations and a lot of pluck. I thought it was a joke. A part of me still does think it’s a joke. I mean, what other explanation is there for this mess? For the red, white and blue bunting hanging on the walls with the “Chris Evans for President” sign plastered underneath it? For the staffers who stop briefly to see if I need anything...‘Would you like a drink, sir?’... or, upon seeing how pale I look, give me a vote of confidence… ‘Are you ready for your acceptance speech?’ There’s absolutely no good explanation as to why there are twenty or thirty people buzzing around the hotel suite waiting for results. They’re so energized with hope for a better future.

Hope that I can be everything they ever wanted in a president.

An Independent president, free from party oversight.

A president with class.

A president for the people.

A president who can bring the United States back from the brink of destruction at the hands of previous leaders.

I wish I had their confidence.

When they asked me on career day in school what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said artist. When I was older, in high school, I knew I was going to be an actor. Never president. The job never entered my mind as being a possibility, not even when I used to work for my uncle’s congressional campaigns. Or when I started filming those interviews.

Why does anyone think I, a straight white momma’s boy from Boston should be president in 2020? Just because I made a few popular Tweets about the current president’s lack of leadership?

It has to be a joke. A cosmic one. I’m a punchline. I am convinced they’ll jump out from behind a doorway and yell “You’ve been PUNK’D! We really got you this time, now here, Bernie, you’re the better candidate.”

And yet…

What if they see in me something I do not?

I place a lot of stock in being in the moment. I’ve also put a lot of work into accepting the twists and turns of life instead of allowing all the “what ifs” and “what should I dos” to eat away at me. I told everybody after I was done with Marvel and financially secure enough to only work on projects I really wanted to, I’d take life as it came at me.

Well, it came after me.

To be fair, I originally chose to get into politics, even in a tiny way, because I wanted to be informed about my choices. I created a website so others could learn, as well. As time went on, I became more involved on Capitol Hill. I even did some lobbying for a few causes dear to my heart. And, yes, I did file the ballot access paperwork.

Had I unintentionally set my path in this direction? Was it inevitable for me to become a contender for the presidency?

Fortunately, I learned early on in the process that a lot of being a presidential candidate is being a convincing showman. An actor. The world's a stage, after all, and I am but a player. You have to have some solid ideas and convictions to back up the image, but a lot of the governing comes from other members of the executive branch. Should I win, I’d only be signing off on everything.

Of course, that “everything” affects the lives of more than 300 million souls. I wouldn’t trust me with a kitchen knife, much less nuclear launch codes and people's livelihoods and education and health and…

My hands shake with nerves just thinking about it.

Let it be said, once I do make it out onto the stage--be it as an actor or presidential candidate--I rise to the challenge. The energy from the audience buoys me. Makes me feel alive. But I am not, by nature, someone who likes to sign away so much personal freedom in exchange for the weight of carrying an albatross around my neck. I thought signing for Captain America would be tough; the human toll of running for president even moreso.

Actually being President? I can’t even wrap my mind around that.

It would be easy to call it quits, even now when the votes are already cast. I could have done it a long time ago, when the reality of the situation hit me the first time. I didn’t. Something told me to hold back, play it out. I persevered. Why? Somewhere, along the line, I began to believe I could do this. I could make a positive difference in the lives of Americans.

I certainly want to do right by all my supporters--and my detractors. I want to be a leader for all Americans.

But can I, really, while knowing my incredible deficiencies?

Maybe I can’t, but I can be the team leader. A brand ambassador, if you will. A good leader delegates. And I intend, should I win, to surround myself with the best and brightest. I will accept no less. I will do ‘Whatever It Takes,’ as our slogan boasts. I am American, first and foremost, and I care deeply about this country.

A real Captain America, if you will. Maybe not as strong or powerful as others, but I sure as hell can give a great speech and will defend my country from bullies until my last breath, whether they be purple… or orange.

Except, I suppose if I’m elected, I won’t be Captain America anymore. They’ll call me Mr. President.

Or, horror of horrors, what if the new name my nearest and dearest coined makes it out into the public. They tease me with it just to see my visceral revulsion and get a laugh. But if I have learned anything about the internet--and pop culture--is that if something is catchy, it sticks around for a long time.

Maybe I ought to get used to the idea of being a punchline.

So, I suppose I have a question for you.

Won’t you consider a vote for Mr. America?

#chris evans #captain america #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fan fiction #chris evans fanfic #chris evans fan fic #mister america #president!chris evans #president

[astrohussy]

Mercury’s Retrograde in Scorpio

Yup it’s finally time, the third and final Mercury retrograde of 2020 kicking off at 11 degrees in Scorpio! While we’re familiar with Mercury’s themes of communication, study, thought, and travel/transportation, Scorpio gives an emphasis on dissection, secrecy, you know digging deep into the heart and soul of things. Scorpio’s traditional ruler, Mars, is retrograde in Aries and facing a nasty T-square with the sun and half the outer planets, adding a bit of sinister energy to this retrograde as the sign’s ruler is battling it out with half the planets in the sky.

Right now Mercury is opposing retrograde Uranus in Taurus and will be for much of the retrograde period, “what lives in the dark must come to the light” comes to mind when interpreting this. Mercury’s trine with retrograde Neptune in Pisces will make it easier to expose the grand illusion and clear up some of the fog we’ve been left in, an excellent aspect for journalists and writers to find truth and depth in the stories they want to tell. Mercury’s sextile with the Capricorn conjunct (Jupiter, Saturn, and Pluto) and Venus in Virgo will be telling as we re-evaluate our relationship with the world around us, there will be a lot to take in related to these things but the information will help you make the changes you need. 

Expect to see secrets exposed and to learn more about what goes on beneath the surface of where it is that Mercury is traveling in your chart. Now more than ever it’s important to look beyond the surface, if you’ve been meaning to do a deep dive into the underbelly of how something works now is your chance, if not then expect a ton of over-the-top news and scandals to pop up. 

Transits

Mercury in the 1st house: This retrograde will help you deep dive and re-evaluate yourself. This is a great time to get to the root of your self image and how it affects your relationships with others. While it’s opposing Uranus in the 7th house it will be easier to form new partnerships around a part of your identity you’ve been wanting to express for some time now, but there is a risk of suddenly getting the attention of some haters. My advice; avoid gossipy crowds and be mindful of what you say or share. With Mars (Scorpio’s ruler) in Aries facing an aggressive T-square with the Sun and the Capricorn conjunct, they out for blood. 

Mercury in the 2nd house: There may come a time during this retrograde where you need to re-evaluate your investments and how you’ve been making income. Opposite Uranus in the 8th may be making or breaking your bank account right now, so use this retrograde to adjust your materials and your coin spending accordingly. Be extra careful of impulse buying right now, and if you find yourself running out of space to put your things maybe donate what you don't need. It’s not a good idea to make any big long-term investments right now but it is a good time to perfect your hustle. 

Mercury in the 3rd house: This is my transit and I just had to drop a bunch of money to get my car fixed >.< That being said, this is the transit of broken phone screens, delayed messages, and complications with travel and your vehicle (DO NOT ignore that check engine light). With opposite Uranus in the 9th you may get overwhelmed with education and new information during this transit, and by the end you may start feeling like Eviline, cuz you won’t want nobody to bring you no bad news. Be careful of those nosey neighbors and try not to get into spats with your siblings or cousins if you can afford it. Online arguments will be especially frustrating now.

Mercury in the 4th house: Familial secrets may start coming to the surface, exposing some skeletons behind your public image. Shadow work will be really important during this transit because you’ll likely be forced to confront and break some family curses. For those who worship the ancestors this is the perfect time to divine with them and ask them for guidance. With opposite Uranus in the 10th house, you’re also likely to run into sudden changes in your work life or may have to make a change in how you work to accommodate for the needs of home.

Mercury in the 5th house: If you still find joy in your hobbies and forms of entertainment then this’ll be a fun transit that’ll allow you to sharpen your skills and nerd out with others. However some of you going through this transit are starting to realize that what once bought you joy is starting to become a burdensome. During this time you may be more open to trying new things, perhaps even tapping into spirituality or engaging in dark mysteries and conspiracies. Opposite Uranus in the 11th suggests there being a chance of finding new networks to enjoy your interests with. Be careful with misinformation though, not every rabbit hole leads to a good place. 

Mercury in the 6th house: Pay close attention to your mind and body this retrograde. There’s an emphasis on soothing a pain this time around, especially paired with Uranus in the 12th house of isolation and psyche. Flair ups and random aches may manifest now, but because Mercury is fast moving and quick to change this too shall pass. Self care and adjusting routines is what's important right now.

Mercury in the 7th house: This retrograde is going to force you to re-evaluate your close relationships and commitments. If there’s something that you and another person have been sweeping under the rug then Mercury is going to force you to finally acknowledge the elephant in the room. With opposite Uranus in the 1st house you’re probably going through an intense personal change right now, so Mercury is here to help you adjust to how you now relate to others and purge old commitments that no longer align with who you are. 

Mercury in the 8th house: Scorpio’s Mercury retrograde can actually do a lot of good here since this energy can help you dig deep and tap into resources from others and help you connect with your shadow. Though there is a catch, you may be extra clumsy handling other people’s posessions so it’s important don’t take on more than you know you can handle. With opposite Uranus in the 2nd tighten up your security because this transit can cause a sudden loss of stuff and Mercury in mythology is also lord of thieves.

Mercury in the 9th house: A particularly challenging transit for students, teachers, and clergy folk. This transit may cause you to re-evaluate your method of teaching and/or your academic/philosophical pursuits. For everyone else this transit may push you to change your mind and adjust your values based on new information found from opposing Uranus in the 3rd. The result of this transit can go one or two ways, either you’ll find it easier to enlighten yourself and then pass it on to others or you’ll find yourself fighting about an unpopular stance.

Mercury in the 10th house: If you’ve been feeling miserable in your workplace or feel like you’re exhausted being seen as person most people think you are, this transit is going to help you confront the issue and make a change. Opposite Uranus in the 4th’s influence is making you realize you can’t hide from your past and how much your home and familial ties affects how you interact with the world. A sudden change in family/home dynamics is probably making you to re-evaluate the roles you play and what adjustments are needed to better fulfill them. 

Mercury in the 11th house:  I’m not gonna lie this one looks rough af, but it won’t be all bad! For some, this transit is going to reveal who the snakes around you are and what systems have been holding you back this whole time. For others, you’re about to get a rude awakening about what it is that's hurting your connections with others and what you need to do to make a change and heal them (or cut ties all together. Idk, it’s your transit). In both scenarios, opposite Uranus in the 5th is likely in the process of helping you find new hobbies and experiences that could help bring joy. As you find new ways of channeling your will and vision this allows Mercury to help you discover new friends and communities

Mercury in the 12th house: This retrograde may be a very isolating one for most of you. There’s something deep in your psyche that needs to be acknowledged or a deep psychological change that you’ve gone through recently, but the 12th house is the spot in our charts that’s most difficult to reach since it’s the non-tangible space just below the horizon. Uranus sitting in your 6th house gives me online meet-ups, check-ins, therapists, and doctor visit vibes, but it can also manifest a friend or partner coming into your life to break you out of your rut and help you tap into the repressed part of you that’s hard for you to reach on your own. Utilize them during this time, but be aware that not everyone whose nice to you has your best interest at heart and just because you’re feeling isolated doesn’t mean you should welcome just anyone in. Keep in mind that the 12th house also rules hidden enemies and agendas and sure enough they too will be exposed in due time. 

#I know this is kinda late ADHD is a bitch #astrology #mercury retrograde #mercury houses #houses #current transits

[mbti-notes]

Hi mbti-notes, I hope you're doing well. I am an INFP young black American and the past few weeks have been such a nightmare. I obviously support the protests that have been taking place but I feel so hopeless at the same time. I've never been a fan of this country but the past few weeks have at least provided me with more clarity and conviction that there is nothing to be salvaged here. I have a friend who's also black but lives in europe and even we're at a loss for what to say to each (con't)

[con’t: other. I feel so angry and disgusted. I remember learning that as a part of anti-US propaganda during the Cold War, they’d show how black people have been treated in America and be like “this is how they treat their own people”. I’m not saying I support the USSR of course but it surprised me to hear that in the eyes of other countries, we’re as American as anyone else. It never felt that way. People can’t even protest police brutality without being faced with more police brutality. I’ve donated to bail funds, signed petitions, contacted my representatives about a piece of legislation that would help combat the issue of missing and murdered indigenous women but...I think the closest thing there is to a solution is for another Great Migration but this time, we just leave America. I feel bad saying that because obviously so many people don’t have the means to do so and it shouldn’t have to come to this but nobody wants us here. If the black panthers...]

It seems that tumblr disappeared the rest of your message, but I've read enough to detect some problematic thinking. It’s not about whether you’re “wanted”, it’s about the fact that you have a right to exist and be treated as human, equal to every other human under the law. It is beyond the scope of this blog to address politics and write political commentary. This blog primarily addresses individuals and how they cope with their circumstances. I won’t be able to understand all the experiences that you’ve had as a black American given such a short message from you. All I can do is bring to light your attitude and beliefs and how they affect your ability to cope and thrive in life. 

Developmentally, irrational pessimism is always something that INFPs should be vigilant about due to Fi-Si loop and the struggle to develop Ne big-picture thinking skills. There is certainly lots of injustice in the world, but this doesn't mean that there isn't also a lot of good in the world. There are many good people out there doing good things, otherwise, you’d have nothing to donate money to. There are also a lot of decent people who understand that racism is a big problem but don’t know what to do about it. Yet your mind is only ever trained on the pain and suffering - this indicates Fi extremes. I have a longstanding habit of observing how different people respond to challenges in life. For example, I see some black Americans out there protesting, some are educating people, some are attacking people, some are sowing anarchy, some are running for office, some are giving up, some are hiding, some are writing, some are leading legislative initiatives. Black Americans as a group share the burden of racism, but each person handles it in their own way. What is your response and why?

You focus on the problems, drowning in negative feelings, and perhaps even look for evidence to reinforce the belief that everything is irredeemable (misuse of Si), which means that you lack a big picture perspective. For your own well-being, perhaps you need to make wiser decisions about how you spend your time, where you focus your energy, and with whom you associate. Otherwise, you are only ever a victim of circumstance, bending and breaking with every gust of wind. If there are things/people in your life that exacerbate your tendency to be negative, it's up to you to adjust your decision making so that you are not always surrounded by the negative. Just as you keep physically healthy by not eating crap food, you should keep mentally healthy by not feeding yourself a constant diet of emotional negativity. For example, people tend to be much more pessimistic when they spend too much time on social media or consuming political commentary that is designed to be emotionally provocative. Perhaps there are healthier ways to spend your time. Whether you followed this or that tweet is of little significance if it only ends up with you feeling miserable.

With respect to moving: There are a variety of methods to measure the health and well-being of a society, and it's natural to think about how your country stacks up against others. Different societies have their own character and excel at different things. However, it's important to remember that there is no society without problems. Some countries are better at hiding their problems than others. Europe is no paradise, as there have been long running problems with colonialist and xenophobic attitudes. American society tends to be very extraverted and media driven, so its problems are often hanging out there for all to see, which might make them seem a lot worse than they really are.

Each aspect of society, whether you think it is positive or negative, is the result of a trade-off. For example, people often respect the U.S. for its staunch commitment to free speech, which allows for marginalized voices to be heard. But the trade-off is that you may get a more noisy and toxic social environment, as all voices get elevated and amplified. The question for you, as an individual, is whether the trade-offs are worth it for the kind of life that you would like to live. With the example of free speech, I’d rather have free speech, so I’m willing to tolerate all the noise and accept it as the cost of doing business. Nobody can make these sorts of judgments for you, as you are the best person to decide what's best for you. Thus, I'm not sure what to tell you. I only remind people that the decision making process works best when you give proper consideration to EVERY side of an issue, as opposed to being myopic, extreme, or one-sided.

Right now, there is a lot of frustration and anger floating around. Being so emotional basically means being myopic, as you are hyperfocused on the things that make you sad or angry. This will blind you to everything else. When you lose sight of the positive, Ne might start to believe that the grass is greener elsewhere. There's no denying that the problem of racism against black people runs very deep in American society, all the way back to the founding of the nation on the backs of slaves. But are you denying that progress has been made?

When people use the word "progress" in relation to history, they mainly refer to how things changed for the better. I think people too often forget that progress almost always comes at a steep COST. Society doesn’t change because people miraculously get “enlightened” en mass. No. People suffer, things get mangled, blood is shed, and there is a period of intense pain and sacrifice - these details tend to get glossed over in history classes as hindsight and nostalgia take over. Creation and destruction are two sides of the same coin. Thinking that you can create something new and better without destroying what is old and obsolete is wishful thinking. To be clear, I'm not advocating destruction; I'm only saying that, in reality, you cannot escape destruction, as it is a necessary stage in the process of creation. If you are unlucky, you get to live during "interesting" times. But, viewed from a bigger perspective, it also means that you get to live during a time when you have a chance to make a difference and what you do matters. From this perspective, being alive right now is better than living during a time of being forced into accepting the status quo, is it not?

What is society other than the people comprising it? Societal problems are analogous to psychological problems in that they are deep-seated, long-running, festering, recurring, and difficult to resolve. I believe that there is a qualitative shift in attitude right now. It doesn't mean that racism will suddenly get fixed once and for all, but I've not seen such widespread attention and commitment to the problem in a long time. It actually gives me hope. I have older friends who've remarked that they suddenly feel transported back to the unrest of the 1960s. IMO, it means that another period of progress is on the horizon, but it also means that a time of intense turmoil is here. It seems that you focus on the turmoil and miss seeing the openings and opportunities for change.

Another thing that INFPs should always be vigilant about is a shaky relationship to reality and/or being unable to tackle problems in a realistic way (i.e. poor Ne and Te development). Reality contains everything, including the good and the bad, so it’s no use to try to pretend that one or the other doesn’t exist. You will always make better decisions by taking BOTH the good and the bad into consideration. Some INFPs get stuck in trying to wish away the bad, and some drown in the bad and disconnect from everything good. 

Just as a child picks up a mix of psychological issues from their parents, as a member of society, your identity is forged through your relationship to your society's (problematic) history. I don't see how a "great migration" is any solution. Don’t forget that technology has made our world significantly smaller, so it’s a lot harder to distance from these problems. As long as you carry the scars of your home, no matter where you go, unresolved pain will continue to haunt you and hurt you. There is historical evidence that utopian thinking never leads to anything resembling a utopia. Utopian thinking is what people resort to when they are incapable of confronting the problems of reality. When it comes to human psychology, there is no way to wipe the slate completely clean without confronting and addressing the mistakes and sins of the past - this is what social unrest is meant to achieve. To believe that you can/should “start from scratch” is often a sign of Te grip in INFPs, as they want to violently wipe out the accumulated burdens of Si loop. 

Perhaps there are benefits for you, as an individual, to move away, as you might find happiness in a different sort of life. But what happens when the advocates give up and walk off? At the societal level, good people moving away only leaves the bad actors to wreak havoc on the poor and innocent. Certainly, some individuals do move away and successfully build a better life for themselves. However, some people move away only to discover that they miss home dearly, and they end up roaming aimlessly, lonely, miserable, bitter, or disappointed. What separates the two groups? You will find a better life when you know exactly what you're looking for and you're realistic about whether the new place will meet those terms and conditions. You will NOT find a better life if you're merely running away from unhappiness, fueled by wishful thinking that the grass is greener "anywhere but here". It's up to you to be honest about what's happening with you.

#infp #si loop #te grip #politics #activism #pessimism #ask

[hecohansen31]

Whatever Your Heart Desire

Harald+Fake Prophet! Reader (Vikings Era)

The Ambitious King

Prologue

(A/N): Hello there, lovelies!

As I have promised, this is the entire part of the brief teaser I had pubblished!

I am low key... very very nervous about it, because let me tell you... I am worried when I write fics for new characters, even more because of the content and ‘length’ of it, so I really REALLY hope I did my best.

As always: feedback makes our heart beast faster and our hands writer faster, it also makes us better and more experienced, so be sure to leave a comment or a reblog with something writte.

And if you want to be extra and help us writers in our free adventure, you mgiht buy us a symbolic coffee over HERE!

SUMMARY:  After Harald's first visit, he has kept on coming to your hut, but he isn't the only one, as one day you found a familiar face in your hut, searching for Harald's gold, setting an entire plan in motion.

And you are only left to accept Harald's proposal.

WORDS: 12 K

WARNINGS: Dark Themes, Attemped and Mention of Rape, Graphic Description of A Poisoning Attempt, Harald Being A Cranky Old Man, HIstorically Inaccurate and Not Following the Series’ Timeline (although it is set after Halfdan’s and Astrid’s deaths!).

You didn’t worry as you saw a horse being left in front of your house.

Harald had come to visit you every Thursday since your first ‘prophecy’ to him, to gain the knowledge of his future and to know the mistakes of his past.

And today was indeed Thursday.

No matter how much you didn’t trust fully the king, his money was very much welcome in your home, no matter the fact that you were walking over a thin line, constantly risking to be discovered for the fake prophet you were.

You hadn’t pleasant words for him, because if you did, you wouldn’t have been able to properly make him believe that you were truly foreseeing his future.

Because you knew men like Harald: their future wouldn’t have ever been as successful as they wished it to be.

So, the first thing that you had told Harald when he had come to you again, after your first session, was that he had to focus on himself and not on his external ‘enemies’, which had made the blame away from him.

‘You might want the world, but you can’t have it without feeling well with yourself first’ you had explained, as you pushed him down onto the chair he was raising himself up.

And he had looked at you as if you had revealed some hidden truth.

He had  handed you a hefty amount of cash, after that, and the following day he had proclaimed that he’d be staying in Vestfold, after his return from the  war, instead of trying to take again Kattegat.

And although you could hear the familiar dissent through his earls, you knew that his people were happy to have the king back for a bit.

Even simply because they had to pay less the war taxes.

You knew that war had taken quite the toll on the people of Vestfold and you, on your own, had tried to help a few of the poorer with donations, although you had to admit that selling medical herbs and your own medical knowledge didn’t exactly permit you a luxurious life.

Harald’s money were indeed quite useful.

But although you were well aware that being Harald’s little ‘seer’ was quite fruitful, you knew that you couldn’t exactly last for much more than a season, even more when Harald wouldn’t see immediately the fruits of your suggestions.

He was an ambitious and impetuous man.

He wouldn’t wait to see what he had sowed.

He’d prefer to burn up the entire camp.

Hence, you had been trying to spare some coins to move away at the first signs of Harald’s disbelief in your methods.

Powerful men were downright dangerous.

Even more when they had a personal vendetta against women.

Your mother had known that all too well.

But till now, Harald had been nothing more than a lapdog, more than willing to endure your tongue-lashings in hope that they might win him new kingdoms and riches.

Poor fool.

He had already enough of that, alongside glory and fame.

And yet he searched for more.

He didn’t know that the Gods always frowned upon those who reached further than They allowed.

And eventually they’d strike them down for that.

You didn’t need to be a seer to see that Harald’s fatal flaw would have been his end.

And no matter what sweet words you spoke in his ear, destiny wouldn’t change.

Nobody could escape theirs.

You felt your head full with those thoughts, still, and pushed them away as you went to caress Harald’s horse, a soft white mare that immediately softened under your touch, as you questioned what had made Harald choose such a less threatening company, since he usually would come to you with his black stallion.

But you didn’t think too much of the horse, simply collecting store information in your mind.

What would you tell Harald, today?

That he shouldn’t underestimate the power of guilt he felt for having killed his brother?

That he had to finally confront the fact that he had reached the purpose he had set for himself, but it was still not enough for those around him?

Or that he fucking should stop pushing the blame on anyone but himself?

But you halted immediately as you moved to the threshold of the door, smelling a softer perfume than the one Harald wore naturally on his skin, something that brought you back to a shop you had visited earlier on your week.

The seamstress’ store.

Hence you weren’t surprised to find Jorun, the seamstress’ only son, who helped her out in the shop, inside your hut.

He was bit younger than you, but quite built and you couldn’t hide your uneasiness as you found him in your house, because one thing was to let Harald in, a dangerous man, but with an honorable conscience…

… and another was to let a boy like Jorun in.

An uncomfortable shiver run through your spine, as you tried to keep your breath even, comforting yourself and slapping a soft smile on your face.

You weren’t unused to finding guest in your house, but they certainly didn’t look as if they had been caught red-handed as Jorun was, looking through your herbs’ jars, a few crushed at his feet.

And you were quickly able to understand why Jorun was there.

You had spent quite the sum of money at the seamstress, a few days ago, the only vanity you had allowed with Harald’s money, ordering a few furs in case you were forced to run in the further North, and a dress, a pretty dress because you had fallen in love with the fabric, and asked Vidgis, the seamstress, to realize a dress for you with it.

Jorun had, probably, overheard your conversation and had formed this strange idea that you had gained quite a big sack of money for your services to the crown, and he had thought about stealing from you.

He knew where you lived.

He knew that you hadn’t the security measures many kept inside of the city, thinking that nature and whatever magic you wielded might would have protected you.

And he knew that you were a woman, easy to overcome, in case you came home early.

Like it had just happened.

He had lost his father in Harald’s many wars for conquering lands, and you knew that Vidgis had been struggling with her own shop.

Not many had enough wealth to buy a new dress, he certainly didn’t.

And he thought of taking what he thought was rightfully his.

In the end the money that Harald was paying you were the same ones that he paid monthly to him.

“If you had asked me, I would have given you the money” you breathed out, as you shifted against the threshold, aware that you hadn’t much choice, because if you had chosen to run away, he’d have laid waste to the hut and more importantly the few memories that you kept close to your heart “… I can still give you the money”.

And before you knew it, he was onto you, a knife at your throat, as you pleaded with him not to make any rushed decision.

Had Vidgis told her, she would have gladly given her the money she needed.

She would have paid straightforward the dress to help the woman.

But Vidgis was a proud woman, exactly like Harald.

But her son had had enough.

“Then show me where you stashed it” he intimated you, and you tried to push yourself a bit away from the blade of the knife at your throat, because you knew that with the way Jorun trembled, he could have made a big mistake.

This boy wasn’t cruel.

He hadn’t been born that way.

But hunger and vengeance had done this to him.

“They are under the fourth tile of my bedroom floor” your mother had taught you that: people could devastate an house and look through every trunks, but they wouldn’t have ever raised tiles to see what they hid.

Hence, they hid the most amazing of treasures.

“Then to your bedchamber, lady” he grimaced at you, as he led you through the small room, throwing you onto the bedroom, something for which you were grateful since his grip was so strong that it hurt you but he kept the knife unsheathed as a promise and he went to search for the money, finding it effectively.

But it was quite less than he had expected.

You had been hiding some somewhere else, deep in the forest.

And you had no intention of giving him that.

“That can’t be all…” he protested, as he threw the small bag of money across the room, before he jumped onto you on the bed, as you tried to shriek away.

Had you been able to reach out in the nightstand, you might have found your knife, stashed in the small beside table.

And although you had no intention to stab him, you hoped to put some fear in him.

Jorun wasn’t cruel or bad intentioned.

He was desperate and angry.

And that made him extremely more dangerous than a common criminal, so you hoped that pushing him to feel more fearful would have maybe made him to back off from you.

But as you were reaching out, he pushed you down on the bed, pinning your legs under his, effectively making you cease from moving any further away from him, as you tried to move your hands to push him off your body.

But although he might have been starved and malnourished, he still managed to be an unmovable rock against you, eventually pushing one of your arms back onto the bed with one of his elbows, the bone of it pushing down on your tender skin.

You certainly would have a bruise there the following day.

“Fucking tell me where you stashed it all, you whore” he spoke, although his voice left its strength through the quote, as it became more a whine, but you just fought against him, trying your best to get through him, to push him off you “… Harald must pay you well for fucking you”.

And then his mind became suddenly sharp, as a cunning smile appeared on his face.

And a shiver went down your spine, as you froze under him.

His eyes became wicked and he lost any pretense of humanity, becoming an animal guided from pure need and rage, and before you even knew it, he ripped the front of your dress, effectively baring your chest at him.

You shrieked and fought with one hand to hide yourself from him.

As you fought with your legs to try to kick him off, finally realizing what he’d do to you.

You’d already been in such a position, and the last time you had been barely out of childhood, praying to the gods that it’d end quickly but it had just continued, as your mother’s cold body laid a few steps away from you, her eyes looking at the sky as if they were sparing you the shame of catching her daughter in that act.

You had done everything in your life to try to fight this weakness.

To avoid returning under a man.

But now, it was happening.

And Jorun moved to push his pants down, as he scrunched your dress up, freeing your hands, which moved to slap his face, effectively blinding him and you managed to make your legs escape his hold, shooting a knee up and hitting his soft skin between his legs.

Then you tried to turn away, rolling off bed, your legs lightly numb but you were able to cradle as you felt Jorun screaming in pain.

If you could reach the door you’d been safe, you could close the door and push some piece of furniture against it, effectively trapping Jorunn inside your room.

But before you could move past it, you were yanked by a leg and Jorun this time straight up jumped onto you, as he fell on you, pinning you to the ground under his heavy body and you heard the noise of a bone breaking, before you felt the pain of it.

And with Jorun over you, you weren’t able to move away or try to free yourself from his hold, as he again scrunched up your dress, pushing his lips onto your neck, as you felt your body shaking and trembling as it all went back to that time, when a similar thing had happened.

And you closed your eyes, your body surrendering itself to the pain.

“… let me know why a king like so much sinking between your thighs, a fucking whoring bitch” and you closed your eyes, holding a tight breath in your chest.

And then you heard a scream, a male scream and you thought that you had been mistaking your memory with the present.

It sometimes happened to you that you’d forget where you were, because suddenly the past would overtake you and you’d be left in the memory of your shame.

But it wasn’t, and soon the weight of Jorun was pushed off your body, and you turned worried that he might have chosen to do something worse to you, but as you opened softly your eyes, you found out that you weren’t alone anymore with Jorun, but king Harald was holding him down against the ground, as the boy had done with you on the bed.

You tried to shift your weight in order to bring yourself back on your feet, but you leaned on the wrong arm, the pain of the broken bone inside of it making you hiss painfully, enough to attract Harald’s attention, who knocked out quickly Jorun slamming his head against your bedside table, before he came to you.

And more out of instinct than anything you pushed yourself away, fear shining in your eyes, as the king took it in, gently crouching down to you to calm your fear, offering you an hand, and waiting for you to accept it.

He pushed a blanket away from the trunk it was placed upon, and he gave it to you, to cover your naked breasts, not daring a simple look.

Then he helped you up, steadying you against him, but immediately leaving you as soon as he felt your discomfort, going to patrol over Jorun passed out body, a hint of blood coming out from his broken nose.

Hadn’t he tried to rape you a few moments before, you would have felt bad for him.

“I do think that you know him” mumbled Harald, slapping his face to see whether he was simply faking being passed out or he was truly, as you moved past him to check his pupils, finding out he had effectively passed out.

“He is Jorun, the seamstress’ son” you replied, tightly, as you tried to move over to the kitchen, where you had some herbs for the pain that was shooting through your arm, as if part of the bone had pierced the skin.

“Was he taking your measurements?” humored darkly Harald, following you, something for which you were thankful because he reached out for you to the taller shelves, as you showed him the herbs that would help you feel back to normal.

You proceeded to boil them as Harald took a seat on the kitchen table, as if you hadn’t a passed out boy in your room.

“He was trying to find the money you give me for my suggestions” you confessed, thinking that it was definitely not worth hiding anything, even more because Harald didn’t seem a man who liked being lied around.

It had already happened to him too many times.

“… then he isn’t only a rapist, but he is also a thief” he mused as he almost seemed to think about it “… I’ll bring him to justice, don’t fear my lady”.

As much as you hated the thought of letting Jorun go unpunished, you knew that having either his hand or his prick cut off for thievery and assault wouldn’t have done him or his mother any good.

“Don’t” you mumbled softly “… it won’t look good that you punish a rightful citizen of Vestfold for a witch, like me”.

Because although people wouldn’t certainly reject your coin, they hadn’t accepted you.

And you knew what they called you when you turned your shoulders to them.

And you knew what they said already about Harald for coming to you, every week.

Commoners could come to you to know whether their harvest would be good or not.

But their king?

It was shameful for him to be controlled so easily by a foreigner.

“… you know what he tried to do to you” he sent you a pointed look.

“I know” you mumbled, once the boiler whistled, signaling that your herbs had finished being boiled and you threw them in a bin nearby, grimacing at the strong smell in the pan, downing the beverage in one go “… but it wouldn’t… it’d make them do worse things to me”.

Your mother had taught you to act like a shadow in case things like this happened.

The villagers wouldn’t ever accept the meddling of a foreigner in their affairs.

“I can’t simply let him go” he spoke, almost as if he was seriously worried about you “… he would come back here and I am sure that this time he won’t try any attempt of courtesy”.

“You call almost raping a woman a ‘curtesy’?” you questioned him with harsh eyes, as he simply replied to you with a rough smirk on his face as if to say ‘then you know how much you are risking’.

“I won’t certainly leave you alone, at least for tonight” he proclaimed, As he moved from the chair he had sat onto, adjusting himself as if he owned the place, a sight you didn’t like “I’ll sleep with you, tonight, and then I’ll send some men, here”.

“That’d be a waste”.

You couldn’t understand why Harald felt this need to protect you.

He certainly valued you as some kind of trusted advisor.

But this didn’t justify the intense need of protecting you that he had gained after Jorun’s attack.

“… who is the king, (Y/N)?” he muttered tightly between his teeth, as if he didn’t expect you to deny him “My word is law”.

But you were a woman full of surprises.

“Because you are the king, you shouldn’t stay here” you retorted tightly “… I can handle myself”.

He shot a quick look at your locked bedchamber, where Jorun was sleep, as if to say: ‘are you sure’.

“I’ll stay here” he seemed unmovable and you believed that not even shoving him out of your house would have worked.

But at the same time, you didn’t want to shove him out.

“Do whatever you want, my king” you simply bit your lips, as you moved towards another small cabinet in your small kitchen, feeling Harald’s sharp eyes on you, meanwhile you got a few gauzes out of it, to properly push the bone in its rightful place, helping yourself with thin layers of wood.

Once you were done, you had a bit of relief, as the broken arm slung from your neck to keep its position steady, meanwhile Harald observed you carefully, almost fascinated by your knowing movements, helping you once you moved to the table to lay down your broken arm.

He passed you the gauze, as you pushed the bone in the rightful place, lightly number by the herbs, but you still felt tears coating your eyes, and Harald gently dried them with his rough thumb, without uttering a word, for which you were thankful.

Once you were finished, you both heard noises from you room and you turned to each other, now realizing that Jorun had woken up and before you could move to do anything, Harald lunged to the door, effectively coming face to face with a rather angry Jorun.

Whose face went straight up white as he took in his king.

“My… my king” he stammered, as Harald just looked at him with an annoyed look, before grabbing him by the scruff of his head, as he dragged him away, meanwhile Jorun protested, pleading and begging.

“I shouldn’t be the one who you need to address” muttered darkly Harald, as he sent you a light look, to make the boy know that you were the one on whose hands would come either his damnation or his safety.

“… lady… (Y/N)” he spoke softly, as he fell onto his knees, more for fear than true contrition “… I am sorry”.

“Harald… don’t…” you muttered, unable to withhold Jorun’s gaze, almost as if that pushed you to feel him again on top of you, entering the sanctuary of your legs, as your eyes shifted on Harald’s “… it is enough”.

“I don’t fucking think that it is, but… I’ll honor a lady’s word” he ushered at the boy with one last look.

And then he dragged him out, making sure that the moved onto his horse, before he released him from his glare, as you looked at the whole scene wondering what the Hel you had found yourself in.

---

“You’ll have to sleep on the floor” you mumbled as you took in the smallness of your bed.

Not that you had any intention of letting Harald sleep in your bed.

He might be a king, but he was a man.

A dangerously beautiful man.

“I have slept on worse” he mumbled, as he sat on the cold tiles, but you just shook your head, collecting a few blankets and an extra pillow for him, even going back to get some straw to make him feel better.

All mansions that Harald took upon himself, as he ushered out of the bedroom, leaving you a private moment that you took to slip in a nightgown, covering yourself with a thick fur, grateful for its warmth.

Harald had insisted, the entire night, for you to relax, but you hadn’t let him cook you dinner, since not only you had hidden a few poisonous herbs in your cabinets, but you didn’t trust him around a fire.

But still except that he had brought you anything, treating you almost as a goddess.

Something that made you blush and made your conscience heavy.

‘Why are you helping me?’ you had asked, as he washed the dishes, almost making a few crash, and destroy themselves on the ground ‘… I am nothing’.

‘You are a subject of mine’ he had answered, softly turning to you as you found yourself so close, that you could almost trace his wrinkles with the tip of your nose ‘… and you told me to take care of my subjects’.

But there was something more beneath it, lingering in his eyes, that for now you could only describe with curiosity lingering in his eyes.

And you weren’t sure it was a good thing.

As Harald came back he adjusted the straw and blankets to his own taste and then laid down there, and you took it as a cue to move yourself comfortably on top of the bed and go to sleep.

But you were sure that even ‘numbed’ with the herbs you wouldn’t have slept much.

“… if you need any more blankets, just ask me” you mumbled tightly, as you turned on the opposite side of him, hearing a grumble of assurance, as you spent the following first hour of sleep turning around in bed.

You were so unused to have somebody else in your room, that when you heard Harald’s voice you almost jumped out of bed, having forgotten for a moment that a king was sleeping on your floor.

“… (Y/N)?” it was your name and you moved to his side, worried that his old age had made him unable to move, but he looked honestly worried.

And not for himself.

“What is it?” you asked, faking a sleepy voice, but Harald didn’t buy it in the slightest.

“… are you cold?” he teased you, and you huffed at it.

“No, I am not”.

“Then what is making you roll around that bed, like a bear in lethargy” he retorted with a charming smile, that almost made you want to smack him across the face “… are you having trouble sleeping?”.

“… maybe” there wasn’t any need to lie.

The evidence was in front of his eyes.

And Harald would have probably annoyed you to death, hadn’t you given him an answer.

“Want to talk it out?”.

“I thought I was the advisor”.

“Something horrible has happened to you, I wouldn’t blame you, for…”.

“Honestly, you aren’t the person I’d like to talk about that with” you replied, as you turned far away from him, hoping that your bitterness would get him to leave you alone “… hope it didn’t offend you”.

“… just… it wasn’t the first time it happened to you, didn’t it?”.

You rolled on your back, focusing on the roof to shield yourself away from the memory of what had happened years ago.

“It is none of your business”.

Although you knew that with your words you had already said enough.

“I saw the way your body went taunt and still, under him and I…”.

“You knew it because you did the same Jorun tried to do to me”.

It certainly didn’t take a genius to know that men like Harald didn’t care for a ‘no’.

You knew it on your own skin.

It hadn’t been a normal soldier who had taken advantage of you.

“… it is war” he spoke, as if it justified the act, but you could almost taste the shame in those words, as if he wasn’t truly convinced of them “… it is different”.

“Not for the women” you mumbled, biting on your lips to keep you in that bed and not on the ground that ten years before had stolen your innocence “… it is always the same for us: laying on our back, hoping that the pain will be soon over as we feel the weight of our shame onto us”.

“(Y/N)” he tried to call you out, but you were too in deep in that memory.

“… pleading to be left alone, shrieking away and yet, pinned under your sweaty and horrible…”.

Harald’s hand reached out for yours, effectively pushing you out of your trance, as you opened the eyes you hadn’t realized you had closed, shocked back to reality by the sudden touch.

Your breath was heavy and for a few minutes you needed to calm yourself down.

As Harald moved himself so that he could sit on the bed, without touching you.

“… I know that…” he tried to speak, but your gaze was lost in the woods of your own mind  “… I am sorry”.

“It doesn’t make up for anything…” you commented, breathing deeply as you brought your knees under you, closer to your stomach, which was starting to hurt due to the agitation in it, the tense muscles clenching almost painfully “… nobody will give me back my innocence”.

Harald seemed shocked by that as you turned to him, with your eyes teary and he reached forward, almost as if it was the most natural thing, brushing them away, much more softly than you had believed those rough hands to be.

And before you knew it, it all fell down.

The pain and hurt you had been feeling made you crash as you slumped against Harald, his arms gently circling you, as they didn’t understand whether you wanted to be hugged closed or to push him away.

But you quickly solved it for him, reaching out completely, as you felt your entire body finish its energy as you ended up falling in a dark hole.

---

You woke up with a heated body against you.

And for a moment you thought that you had gone back to the time you and your mother would sleep together in the single bed you owned, to warm up, since during many winter nights you hadn’t enough wood for a fire.

But soon, you felt something scratchy against your face, immediately realizing that you had a male beside you and as you raised yourself, careful about the heavy broken arm on your chest, as you took in Harald, still asleep next to you.

He looked so peacefully that you gently shook off a few strands of hair that had exited his tight braid, as your hands lingered further on his face, as you weren’t able to push yourself to leave that male handsomeness alone.

And eventually he woke up.

Much to your and his surprise, as you immediately moved further away, acting as if nothing had happened.

As if you hadn’t slept next to the king, breath to breath.

Your cheek was slightly irritated by his beard, having slept so close to him that you had been almost in his lap.

Something that just made you blush further.

And to his own advantage Harald didn’t ask you anything of it, once he woke up, meanwhile you adjusted your hair in a quick braid, trying to look busy as the man next to you moved to stretch himself a bit and then collect the leather straps and his chest piece he had had discarded to sleep more comfortably.

You both moved uncomfortably around each other, both unused to being close to another, but you couldn’t help but laugh a bit for the way the king seemed so awkward and embarrassed.

It eventually made you gain the upper hand, after the outburst of the previous night.

… which made you want to almost bang your head against a wall.

If there was one thing that your mother always said, it was to never show your weakness to men: they’d either treat you like an idiot or they’d take advantage of it.

But Harald simply didn’t want to talk about it, looking at you like a lost puppy looking for direction.

And you decided to spare him, asking him whether he’d stay for breakfast, something for which his stomach replied for him.

‘I don’t need my power to know that you are quite famished, my king’.

He had just shook his head away from you, laughing lightly.

‘… and by the way you men are either hungry or…’ flashes of the previous night appeared in your mind ‘… horny’.

‘You don’t have a high opinion of my gender, do you?’ he had replied, softly, not a reprimand, but almost a different question from the one he had uttered, under his words.

That you couldn’t answer.

‘Can you blame me?’.

Your algid voice caught him unprepared and he just shook his head, lightly before he moved to the kitchen, leaving you the privacy of pushing on a proper dress, and to freshen up yourself as you were solely able to rub painfully the water on the zones that Jorun had touched.

You’d also need to change your gauzes, and to check whether the bone was starting to straighten itself or not.

You hoped it would, because you needed very much your hands for your work, and if not for that… you surely needed them to defend yourself, because sadly, you’d be as good as dead, without a working arm.

You adjusted a few flowers in your hair to help yourself brighten your appearance, since it looked quite pale and you looked definitely as ghostly as you felt in the inside.

Swallowing bile and piercing the skin of your palms with your nails.

For a moment a tight image appeared in the mirror, a you, bloodied and bruised you.

Your eyes held none of the will of living, you had always owned.

And you turned the mirror, hiding yourself from your eyes.

You instead focused on the lovely smell you were feeling coming from the kitchen.

And then you recognized it, rushing forward as you saw Harald trying to peel a few fruits that you had in your house.

The small tin of spices in front of him, but you could already sniff that he had dipped some of it in the brew he had made, contained in a glass, and you rushed to grab it as you checked how much he had consumed, knowing that not only this spice was expensive, but you wouldn’t have found it for sure at Vestfold.

“I didn’t think it was poisonous” excused himself Harald, noticing your worry, as you moved to hide away the spice “… please tell me that it wasn’t poisonous”.

“That depends…” you mumbled, as you saw the man’s skin turn deliciously red, as he sent you a worried look, which made you smile lightly “… if you have taken too much, your old stomach might trouble you”.

“I am not as old as you think I am” he retorted grumpily, with an adorable expression of indignation “… how old do you truly think I am, little one?”.

“I don’t know…” you pondered, with a finger to your chin “… had Odin already defeated the giants when you were born or…?”.

He flipped you off and you couldn’t now stop yourself from laughing out loud, as he soon joined you, welcoming you in front of him, as you took also a fruit and a knife, feeling your stomach being quite troubled, but at least peeling would have kept your mind off.

Although you weren’t sure that it was a good idea for you to hold a knife so close to you.

Harald seemed to agree, pushing his already peeled fruit in your hands, taking the knife and the fruit away from you, as if he was completely unbothered by it all, almost used to this routine.

You let him do it, as you played around with the fruit, eventually daring for a small bite, just as the king dared to speak:

“You’ll come with me today, I’ll bring you in the hall, to be safe” his voice was a clear order, but you didn’t let it push you down.

“I can handle myself”.

“You said so too, yesterday” he mumbled now softening his tone, as his eyes moved to your broken arm, a clear weakness for you “… but I don’t think that you are in any shape to kick some ass”.

“Yet, there are other ways” you replied, tightly.

You could have hidden for a few days in the forest, it wouldn’t have been pleasurable and getting any sleep would have been impossible, but you had done it after your mother’s death, and you could do it again.

“You pointed out yesterday that you aren’t welcome in the town, so I don’t think that you can stay a few days with someone” he pushed the reality in front of your eyes, searching them as he finished the peeling of his own fruit, taking a good bite at it, as juices dirtied his beard “… and I know that you haven’t any family here”.

“Have you been doing researches on me?” your blood froze in your veins, although you tried to utter those words with as much indignation as you owned in your body.

“My earls haven’t been… happy of your presence and I had to reassure them” he looked honestly embarrassed, almost as if your tone had had its effect on him.

Harald Finehair, the toughest man in all Sweden was proving himself to be quiet tamer than you had thought.

“Did you?” he shot you a confused look “… did you reassure them that I am a true witch and not solely somebody who is here to use your money and then take your throne?”.

“You wouldn’t take my throne” his voice was now rough, but sincere “… you have this power in you, and yet you live in a hut”.

Now it was your time to blink as you lowered your head pitifully, looking at the half-bitten fruit.

“… I like my hut”.

“You don’t have the ambition to be a rebel” the arrogant affirmation made breath come out of your lungs.

You hadn’t always been like this.

You had been a happy child, puffy cheeks and soft eyes, always running away from your mother.

But something had been broken in you, a long time ago.

And you had lost all your ambition.

Although right now it shone brightly in embers.

“… excuse me, but fuck yourself, king” you mumbled, as Harald’s eyes dropped, recognizing the anger in his voice “… if you treat women like this, I now do know why they run away from you”.

You had said that to anger him, you knew it.

But Harald looked almost heartbroken at your vicious word, and lowered his own head, pushing down his knife, and piercing his hands with the core of the fruit, all it was left of it, to the point that you were sure he was going to snap it.

“You’ll come with me at the hall, today” this time it wasn’t a veiled order.

It was an order.

“… then tomorrow I’ll arrange for a guard to station here, for a few days, at least till that arm get better. If you want you may ask my healer to check on it, but I am sure that stubborn head of yours won’t allow it”.

And before you could come up with any smartass reply about your ‘stubborn head’ Harald had moved away to get his horse ready, and you were left alone, thinking about whether you had just signed over your own death sentence.

---

The ride with Harald back to the hall was quiet.

You had taken enough for a night, hoping that your staying wouldn’t prolong itself for further than that.

Although you didn’t like holding onto places, you felt comfortable and safe in your hut.

Although you weren’t sure you’d be able to wash away the stains of Jorun’s memory from your body and the tiles of your floor.

Since you didn’t have a horse and your arm was broken, you shared Harald’s.

He had to settle himself behind you over the horse, to guide the animal as you were gripped by his essence and touch.

Something that would have made you uncomfortable after what had happened, the previous day.

Harald also seemed to realize it, settling himself so that you wouldn’t have any contact unless necessary, but you couldn’t help but feel almost protected by him, as his rough manly smell, mixed with yours, probably taken meanwhile you slept together.

It felt almost good.

Lulled by the rhythmic moving of Harald’s stallion, under you, you fell asleep.

Only waking up as you felt yourself being moved off gently by the horse, as Harald held you softly in his arms.

Which you escaped immediately, looking around to see if there was anybody around as you slowly came back to your senses, simply seeing a few guards, who were extremely careful in hiding their smiles.

“I can walk” you mumbled, once you were back to your feet, as Harald nodded with a smirk on his face “I didn’t break my leg”.

“You snored, pretty loudly” he said, once you were inside, nobody there except you, since it was pretty early, and it was a market day.

“Never as your father last night” you retorted, showing him a bit of a foul mouth that surprised him, before he shook his head, amused, and brought you to a guest room, as you held tight to yourself your small bassoon.

“You are a true pain in the ass, little seer, and the worst is that you know it” he mumbled more to himself than for you, but you still gave him a light smirk “… don’t wander off, without a guard”.

“Don’t tell me what to do” you retorted effectively challenging him.

“… I would gladly have you closed in your room, but you said that it isn’t the best way to a woman’s heart, so I’ll avoid it…” why did he have to be such a smartass?

Using your own words against you.

“… and also, there isn’t much that you can do with a broken arm”.

And you showed him exactly what you could do with a single finger, before he moved off, leaving you to push yourself for comfort, as a guard came to take a stand in front of your door, asking you if you’d need any help.

‘Yeah, I’d like to erase the fact that a man tried to take advantage of me again, and that king Harald, the man I have been conning, came to rescue me and he has been taking care of me as if he cares for me’.

“No, thank you” you simply replied, with the fakest smile on your face, as you closed the door right in his face.

You passed the afternoon, basically probing at your swelling arm, as you let it out of the gauze, glad that the bone wasn’t crooked or anything, but certainly for a good month you wouldn’t have been able to use it properly.

But it was better than for it to have broken out of your skin, which was lightly bruising with broken veins of a purple color.

You dosed on it some of the lotions that you had brought with yourself, alongside a change of clothes and your spices, comforted by their familiar smell, as you decided to try to exercise a bit the arm.

But you were mostly annoyed, feeling like you had just made yourself a prisoner.

You didn’t want to go out, both fearing the judgement of the people outside and both fearing something happening to you.

Although Harald was a smartass, he was right about a broken arm being a pretty weakness.

So, you were left to your own boredom.

And your own thoughts, which was even worse.

Because now you could feel your mind spiraling.

And then a thrilling laugh woke you, from your dark thoughts.

And you moved to the door with your ear against it, as you caught another two women’s voices, as you realized that they had been talking about you.

“… the king has brought a new lady” said the voice that had laughed, light and soft, almost airy and breathy “… do you think that he kidnapped her too?”.

You already liked these people.

“No, sadly… the guards said that she is here because the king said so” mumbled a quieter but steadier voice “… which if you think might be indeed considered, kidnapping”.

“Saga! Frigg! Shut your fat mouths!” this voice was graver and you linked it to an older woman, probably their mistress, since the giggles immediately quieted “… you’ll get your tongues cut for saying that”.

“… Ingrid! Just let us have a bit of fun! At least as long as the master isn’t home!” complained the softer girl, who you thought was Saga, because the second one replied, lightly:

“Saga is right! We should enjoy our freedom for a bit, since he’ll stay the entire day at the market”.

“He has been low key spending more and more time away from here…” pondered Saga, not that I am complaining, I can do my chores with more ease”.

And the girls continued on chirping in about Harald.

Meanwhile you couldn’t help but realize that Harald had been acting on your suggestions.

‘Stay with your people, show yourself around and share their burdens’ you had told him, on your first sessions ‘… that won’t make them see you as an unknown king, but you’ll be their king and they’ll be loyal to you, for sure’.

He had seriously… been following your suggestions.

And you felt your heart chirping as the girls outside of the doors, at that.

And again, the want to smack yourself across the face came back.

In the end, you’d have gotten nothing from keeping up with that overthinking and decided to open lightly the door, gaining a few ‘oh’s from the ladies waiting outside, who tried to move themselves further than they had been a few minutes, to hide their own spying.

The older one, Ingrid you thought, immediately pushed herself forward, in her lean and tall form, her hair peppered with grey and her eyes tired, and asked you if you needed anything, taking in your discarded figure and more importantly your limp arm.

A dark glare was shared between Saga and Frigg as they took it in.

“Ahem… not really, I just…” you felt awkward, since it had been quite some time since you had last been able to chat without contracting prices or defending yourself.

The best talks you had had in quite some time, although you weren’t proud to admit it, were with Harald.

“… is your arm hurting you, lady?” asked the blonde girl, lightly curvy and with puffy cheeks, something that resembled the Saxon definition of an angel, and you were able to link the name Saga to her, as her soft tone completely wrapped around you.

“A bit, but I took some herbs to numb the pain” you explained, glad that you could answer question.

“… did you fall from a horse?” asked Frigg instead, a pretty brunette girl, the smallest of the three but with a fire in her eyes that brought her to shine as bright as a star “… it seems serious”.

“Not too much, actually, I was lucky the bone didn’t break out of my skin” you explained as you withhold her gaze, to make her understand that it hadn’t been Harald.

Because that had been the question in her eyes.

And you couldn’t help but find endearing her worry.

Maybe if you had met more people like her, you would have liked spending more time with them, instead of hiding in the full nature.

“… do you want us to get some gauze and wooden bars to help you straighten it up?” asked Ingrid, eager to help, almost as if she was used to being ordered around and she thought it wasn’t ordinary not to be commanded by Harald’s guests.

“Ah, thank you, but I am mostly letting it out to avoid the skin being too dry and having blood problems later” you explained, but Ingrid’s worry didn’t look lessened in the slightest ad you asked her to get you some lotion, which seemed to make her extremely happy, as you felt Saga’s eyes on your limp limbs.

“Can I touch it?” asked Saga, pointing to your limb, as Frigg lightly decked her on her arm “Ouch!”.

“Sorry, my lady, my sister doesn’t think before talking”.

You looked at the surprised, because they didn’t look like sisters in the slightest: whereas Saga was puffy and soft, Frigg was tight-wounded and sharp, both beautiful but as distant as the sun and moon.

Frigg seemed to finally understand your surprise at that news and blushed lightly, before elbowing her sister, who spurred on croaked.

“My family took in Frigg, when her mother died”.

Your gaze immediately softened as Frigg, lowered her head, something similar to shame on her face.

“… I am sorry to hear that” you mumbled, gently offering your uninjured arm to the smaller girl, who seemed surprised by your gentleness “… I have also lost my mother, ten winter ago, I can imagine how difficult it can be”.

And for a minute you and Frigg were brought together in some kind of magical spell.

Your eyes sharing respect for another survivor.

And then Saga touched your swollen arm, making you hiss as Frigg pulled her eyes to the roof above you.

“That’s so cool!” commented Saga, as she lifted her eyes to you, seeing that you weren’t exactly comfortable “… sorry”.

“Saga wished to become a healer…” mumbled Frigg, justifying her sister, as she brought her a bit away from you “… or a torturer”.

“I did! But…” her eyes suddenly became lightly lost “… father said I am not very smart”.

You couldn’t help but dig your nails in the soft skin of your palm, as you heard that.

“Well, you don’t need to be smart for being a healer” you mumbled softly “… you just need a good teacher”.

Saga’s eyes brightened a bit, as a small smile appeared on Frigg’s face.

“I am not a proper healer, but I can teach you a few things” you proposed softly “… you can help me band up my arm”.

“I wouldn’t suggest that” Frigg commented “… lady, she is particularly clumsy”.

“Well, first of all: there is no need to call me lady, just (Y/N)” you insisted “… and believe me there isn’t much damage she could do, since it is already broken”.

---

And although you had to admit that Saga hadn’t the most careful touch, she learned quickly and moved even more, having your arm bandaged ever quicker than you could do, as Frigg observed around the room, looking curious, but justifying it as checking if you needed anything.

And you let her do it, since you didn’t have anything dangerous…

… laying around, at least.

Then the girls gossiped a bit with you, something that made you almost feel normal and you were more than happy to indulge them in your silly talks, as they laughed at your surprise when you heard the scandalous rumors of the town that had never let you in.

Till Harald walked in.

And then both Frigg and Saga moved to their feet, bowing at the king, almost as if they didn’t know whether to stay with you and have some fun or to move away, now that Harald was there.

But Harald solved it for them.

“Don’t you have chores to do?” he asked simply, and the two women excused themselves scurrying off, as you moved to send him an annoyed stare “… they are servants”.

“They brightened my dull afternoon” you replied with a sharp tongue.

“… you could have asked me to spend it with you” now it was him who had a smart smile on his face “… I certainly would have made your afternoon less dull”.

“Why do I even bother?” you muttered, facing away from him, an annoyed look on your face.

“Because I pay you” he spoke gingerly “… and because after all you like annoying me”.

“I just don’t like when you do it to me” you tried to appear completely unbothered “… I should be the only one allowed to do it”.

“That’d be unfair, milady”.

A soft laugh escaped your lips, and you turned to Harald, who had gently closed the door behind him, making you understand that what he wanted to discuss with you wasn’t to be heard.

“I went to Vidgis” he spoke, making you send him a small look “… I told her to send the dresses you ordered here, alongside mine, because I sadly can’t let you go back, to your small hut”.

“Do you seriously intend to kidnap me?” your shock activated your immediate sarcasm.

“… I have been having a few small riots at the borders, and I need all my guards there, so I won’t have anybody protecting you and your house, for these days” he explained quickly, making you grimace lightly.

“I can go back on my own”.

“And risk getting attacked by Jorun’s friends? I want to avoid that” he uttered, his tone an order that you didn’t want to hear “… why is it so ‘horrible’ for you to stay here, in my castle, all sheltered and with a servant for every need of yours?”.

“Why do you care so much about me?” you replied, with the same annoyed irritation “… because I am nothing to you, Harald, truly. I am not blood and neither a lover”.

He seemed taken aback and you wondered whether for a moment he had thought that your gentleness with him was your way of flirting with him.

To get him to be your lover.

You felt suddenly choked.

But Harald shook himself quickly.

“Why do you have to question the hand that feeds you?” he mumbled, hissing the question through his teeths.

“Nobody does anything for nothing” you replied “… name your price, because if it is my open legs…”.

“Woman, would you stop thinking badly of me for a minute?!” his face was red, and you couldn’t help but be a bit surprised by such an intimate expression as his eyes didn’t try to meet you “… I wouldn’t do that to you… I just…”.

“What do you want, Harald, then?” you pushed him further and he raised his eyes to meet yours, shining with an honesty and an ache that made you for a moment, ashamed.

“… your suggestions are useful, although you speak with such a sharp tongue” now his tone was back in check, extremely kingly “… that’s why I want to keep you around, because others won’t tell me where I go wrong, but you won’t hesitate to make me notice even in the slightest any flaw of mine”.

You were speechless, taken aback completely.

It was so utter sincere, that it should have hurt you.

But you were reassured to know that he hadn’t no further reasons to care for you.

That it was simply… for his own advantage.

No, it didn’t hurt you in the slightest.

And even if it did, you couldn’t just show it to him right now.

“I’ll stay” you were now hurrying to get yourself rid of him “… for a week, and then I’ll go back home, and you can’t stop me”.

“Wouldn’t even think about it”.

---

Your dinner had been consumed in silence.

And your night had been as well, as you had fallen in bed suddenly feeling tired.

You didn’t dream of nothing more than the intense black night that fell onto you, caressing as a mother.

But your sleep wasn’t long, and you woke up as soon as the Sun peaked through the curtains, making you turn and turn on the bed, till both the side of the bed were warm because of your movements.

And eventually you thought about waking up.

The covers being too hot, and your arm screaming for attention, as you disentangled your home-made cast, as you pushed yourself to the window of your room.

You looked at the calm moving of the sun, yawning because although your mind was active, your body wasn’t, hence you kept your day lazy as you went through the first thoughts of the day.

Harald’s confession.

You shouldn’t have been surprised by his admission of needing your suggestions to survive.

You had prided yourself with that thought.

But now, it just… it seemed almost stained with shame.

Because Harald was genuine towards his need to help you, almost protective in a way that he hadn’t any obligation to be.

Something that still pained you.

Because you didn’t deserve it.

And you were still worried it wasn’t genuine.

But you had put yourself in this game.

And you’d get yourself up.

As soon as it was a decent hour, you moved out of your room, intent on moving in the kitchens to be allowed to eat there, since you had no intention of revealing your presence there to Harald’s subject.

They already thought that you were his whore.

Oh, how were they wrong.

Because had they witnessed the exchange of words of the previous night, they’d have certainly realized that he was your whore.

Doing your bidding and taking care of you.

You were glad to find on your way to the kitchens both Frigg and Saga, who were even more than glad to lead you there, surprised by your decision to eat with the servants, but your stomach had just grumbled so loudly that they hadn’t questioned your decision further.

You were glad to spend some more time with the girls, since it was easy to talk with them, and they were quite chatty, definitely pushing away all the bad thoughts in your mind.

It had been such a long time since girls had come to you as friend and not clients, with eyes full of suspicion, that just made you uncomfortable.

But the two sisters were more than happy to exchange a few laughs with you.

And they even accompanied you back to your room, to help you get ready, mostly to bathe, since as Saga had commented after a few minutes.

‘You smell like a horse more than the arse of a soldier’.

Frigg had just decked her sister on the arm, and meanwhile you were finishing the bath, you heard small giggles coming from the main room, linked to the small private bathroom definitely made for a female, either Harald’s wife or daughter.

Something that made you a bit uneasy.

But he had good taste, if he had been the one who had set it up.

It was clean and homely, maybe a bit more than it was fashionable, but for Harald, a man who thought more with heart than his dick, it wasn’t that strange, and it made you feel less uneasy about having left the hut.

If you had to stay there for a week, you wouldn’t have certainly complained for the place.

As you moved out, the girls’ giggles were due to your dress having finally arrived and they were admiring it, immediately blushing as they were caught by you, and you simply told them to keep on looking at it, since you couldn’t do much, till at least your hair were wet.

Saga had a malicious smile on her face, and it didn’t take her long to ask you whether she could try it on.

‘Oh, Gosh, Saga! Don’t you have manners!’ complained Frigg ‘… and you aren’t in the slightest like lady… I mean… (Y/N)’.

Saga had immediately looked discouraged, but you had insisted she did try it on.

‘I do think that the color would suit you better, Saga’ you suggested ‘Do try it on, please’.

And she didn’t need to be told a second time, as she hurried in the dress, with little shame for her undressed state, as she put it on quickly, fastening lightly the ties, behind it, helped by Frigg, who had slowly moved in a less sour mood, enjoying the small smirk that was on her sister’s face.

The dress was a beautiful creation of a bluish fabric that complimented your skin tone, but even more it had been shaped perfectly for the body of the wearer, suiting Saga enough, that you almost thought that it wasn’t worth to keep it.

That you should have gifted it to her.

It was sultry and lightly shiny in its front, to bring out the attention to the right parts of your body.

It caught almost fire as light touched it, in a heavenly creation.

And then something happened.

Saga turned to you, and suddenly her smile became a grimace, almost as if she had pricked herself with a needle, and for a moment you thought that she had, although it wouldn’t have been extremely unprofessional for Vidgis to forget one inside the dress.

But then she turned to you and started choking on air.

And before you knew it, she fell onto the ground, Frigg immediately on her knees beside her, alongside you who pushed the other girl aside to check on Saga, as she was shaken by convulsions.

You quickly checked on Saga, who had started becoming quite purple-y, effectively her air being stolen by her lungs, and you didn’t think this was accidental, in the slightest.

Saga wasn’t in the slightest unhealthy, so it had to be the dress.

You quickly pushed your robe away from your body, standing naked in front of the girls as you moved to bind together the robe over your hands, to avoid whatever the dress had been drown in sticking also to your skin.

Uncaring of the expensive fabric, you opened the dress, rapturing its stitched to get it even more quickly the dress away from Saga, helped by Frigg, who although shocked, followed quickly through your actions.

Although Saga, breathed deeply, her body was shaken by feverish convulsions and you could finally realize that the dress had been poisoned.

You just had to understand with what.

You pushed a bit of the fabric of the dress, close to your body as Frigg asked you what to do.

But you couldn’t do much, till you understood what had been introduced in Saga’s body.

The dress was full of the smell of Saga, which covered the poison.

But there were also many poisons that wouldn’t leave out any distinctive smell.

Irritation for yourself coursed through your veins, as you thought about what Vidgis might have laced in the dress.

On what she might have put her hands on.

And then you found out what.

And rushed in your bag to take back the antidote, something that had been saved by Jorun’s rummaging in your house.

Saga would have to thank Odin, if she survived through this.

You rushed to her, pushing the antidote through the mouth, making her choking back to it and spit it back, something that made you and Frigg hold a breath, as the younger mumbled tightly:

‘Please Saga, I won’t ever make fun of you… please…’ she pleaded softly, as you tried to grasp onto her hand but she was too nervous ‘… please breath’.

And almost as if spurred on by an order, Saga breathed, normally.

And it made you realize something.

And you rushed out, quickly putting on a fur over your naked body, stopping an handmaiden, and asking her where Harald slept.

The poor woman was too confused by your presence and crazed eyes to think that you had any suspicious intention and gave you quick instructions as you ran to his room.

And opened the door to a shirtless Harald, the new clothes laid neatly in the paper that they had been wrapped in, something that made you let out a deep breath of relief.

“If you were so in need of my naked chest, all you had to do was ask” he mumbled tightly.

“Don’t touch the new clothes” you screamed immediately, uncaring of his sarcasm.

“… because you are going to rip them away from me, don’t you?” he asked tightly, with another smartass smirk.

“No, you idiot, because they are fucking laced with poison”.

And this was enough to get his smirk away from his face.

“How… do… “ and then he rushed to you grabbing your hands, almost as if he wanted to check on you “… are you alright?”.

“Yes yes” you spoke, as you felt all the tiredness of these events falling onto you “… it was Saga who…”.

Suddenly you couldn’t help but realize the shocking truth.

That dress had been made for you.

You should have been the one barely breathing like Saga.

You should have checked on her.

But as you made to turn around, Harald’s hands that were still linked with yours brought you back to look at him.

“Vidgis tried to poison me, you know what that means”.

That she had almost committed regicide.

An act of treason.

“I really need to check on Saga, but then we’ll have a talk about this” you promised to him, the warmth of his hands going unnoticed to you.

Almost as if it was a natural gesture.

“… this isn’t anymore a personal attack to you” he spoke, his voice suddenly rough “… this is a betrayal to my crown”.

@maggiescarborough​ @isthisreallife2017​ @okayytayy​ @dopeybubbles​ @rls905​ @gearhead66​ @fantasydevil2002​ @crazy-fan-101​ @pinkisokay​ @naaladareia​

#Harald #Harald Finehair #Vikings Harald #Harald Reader #Harald x Reader #Harald Imagine #Harald Fic #Harald Finehair Fic #Harald Moodboard #Harald Fanfic #Harald Fan Fic #Harald Angst #Angst #Vikings #History Vikings #Vikings Imagine #Vikings Reader

[echo-bleu]

Chapters: 3/5 Fandom: The Gifted (TV 2017) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Clarice Ferguson | Clarice Fong/John Proudstar, Lorna Dane/Marcos Diaz Characters: John Proudstar, Clarice Ferguson | Clarice Fong, Marcos Diaz (The Gifted), Lorna Dane Additional Tags: Post-Season/Series 01, Sort of fix-it, Disabled Character, Hurt/Comfort, Lorna and Andy stayed, Slice of Life, Ficlet Series Series: Part 2 of The World As We Know It Summary:

Sequel to The World As We Know It. Snippets from John's life in DC in the six months before season 2.

Chapter 3

It's been an eternity... If anyone is still reading, the remaining two chapters are already written so I'll post them in the next few days. This one is sad.

“We're almost there,” John says, indicating a door on the side of the decrepit building they've been going up to. Lorna opens the door.

“There's stairs,” she says.

“We're going down?” Clarice asks, poking her head in behind Lorna.

“Yes,” John answers. “It's down in the tunnel under the city.”

“You need me to get you down there?”

“If you don't mind.”

“Okay, I just need to go down first so I can see what's down there. It's too dark.”

Clarice and Lorna walk down the stairs together, followed by the Struckers.

“Ready?” Clarice calls from the bottom of the stairs.

A portal starts growing in front of John. He waits until it reaches the ground completely before wheeling through, Marcos at his heels.

“Thanks,” he nods to Clarice. He hates that they have to do this, but this is one more place that's not accessible to him. He knows he's lucky to have Clarice, to have someone who can still get him up and down stairs when there is no elevator. Today is too important for him to miss, but he suspects other mutants will have renounced because of the lack of accessibility.

“Couldn't they have chosen a place more...” Clarice trails off.

“Savory? Lighted?” Lorna proposes with a smirk.

It's true that their surroundings aren't the best. The room they're in was once a cellar, and it smells strongly of mold and old cigarette. John tries to avoid the images that always come with the smells, and they're mostly old enough that he can ignore them, but he has to stop himself from holding his breath.

“They needed a place where the Sentinel Services aren't going to show up,” he answers. “And there should be a lot of people, so it's not easy getting everyone together.”

“What is it really, anyway? You didn't say much last night.”

“Mutant Day of Remembrance,” John says, wheeling himself to another door. “It was started after 7/15 to remember all the mutants lost to violence every year.”

“Like, those killed by the police or mobs?”

“Yes, but also the mutant kids murdered by their parents, anyone who was killed because they were a mutant.”

“I see,” Clarice bites her lip. “I'd never heard of it before.”

“It's not...we keep it quiet, because there's too much risk of the Sentinel Services crashing a vigil. In Atlanta, we'd just have our vigil in the forest, but here the mutant presence is a bit more organized.”

John remembers the first year after 7/15, when he and Pulse went to their first vigil in Tucson just before Pulse was captured. John and Lorna did their vigil on their own the next year, in the still empty bank. He's never missed a Day of Remembrance. But this year is going to be different.

They finally arrive at their destination. It's a large room whose corners are lost to the shadows, the lights coming from projectors placed on the floor and flashlights. It’s already mostly full – more mutants in the same place than John has seen in years, if ever. Many of them are sitting on the floor, some carrying sleeping bags and packs. He knows of the mutants who live down here in the tunnels, who call themselves the Morlocks – they’re the ones who organized this vigil.

Lorna points to the center of the room, which John can’t see from his low point of view, and takes the lead, careful to clear a path for him to go through. The conversations around them are muted, whispered, people’s heads held down, and John can feel Clarice react to the sad and solemn atmosphere by lowering her own eyes.

They reach a less crowded area where a table has been set up. It’s surrounded by stacks of boxes, and John approaches to see that they’re filled with white candles.

“Welcome,” an older mutant nods at them from his seat behind the table. “You’re welcome to take as many candles as you need. Anything you can donate will help us fund this vigil and whatever’s left will go toward rehoming mutants who need it.”

“Of course,” John says, digging into his pocket for his wallet. They don’t have any money to spare, but he can’t stand the thought of just taking from other mutants in similar situations.

“John, can you explain?” Clarice asks him quietly.

John finds a tenner and empties his coins into the collection jar. “We’ll light a candle for each person we lost,” he murmurs into Clarice’s ear. He can see Marcos and Lorna speaking quietly to the Struckers out of the corner of his eyes.

“Oh,” Clarice’s eyes widen in understanding.

John moves closer to one of the open boxes and counts the candles he places on his lap, the knot in his throat tightening. “There will be speeches first,” he tells Clarice as she picks up a candle with an unreadable look on her face.

“It will start in a few minutes,” the welcoming mutant tells them.

It’s not hard to spot. Before they can move away from the table, Lorna and Marcos still bent over a box, a light orb rises over their heads, growing as it levitates, and everyone around them moves back to leave a large space empty in the middle. People who were sitting down stand up, and Clarice and Lorna automatically arrange themselves around John so that he can stay at the edge of the empty circle, where he can see what’s going on.

“Welcome everyone,” a black man steps into the empty space, letting his voice carry across the echoing room. John notices the eye patch and the brand in the shape of an M on his cheek. This is Erg, the leader of the Morlocks. “Thank you for coming. I know the trek here was risky for many of you.

This year has been the most brutal for mutants since 7/15. To this government, we are nothing but numbers, and even they have all but given up on counting our dead, the ones that their decisions, their police, their dogs murder. But we will not. We will remember.

Our kind is only allowed to come together for funerals, and now even for those we have to steal and hide. Today is a day of mourning, and a day of remembrance. We have all lost friends, family, loved ones, and all of them deserved to live.

I could make a whole speech about our humanity, about what we have in common with non-mutants and why mutants deserve to live as much as anyone else, but I believe this ship has long sailed. People have been saying these words over and over for so many years, and history shows that appeals for tolerance don’t change the world, if they do not go hand-in-hand with real, violent action. We don’t, we should not, have to prove the worth of our existence.

We will resist. Even in the darkest hour, we will stand together and fight back against those who would see us eradicated. We will remember the names of those we lost and we will build ourselves a space to thrive in spite of those who try to erase us.

Today we remember. Tomorrow we will seek new ways to fight, because this war is not over.

Thank you.”

*

John doesn't care about the tears running down his face as he lights his candles. Lorna and Marcos are crying just as much. Most of the people around them are.

The Struckers still look a bit wide-eyed, but Clarice has taken her own candle and started to look for a lighter. John hands her his and doesn't ask. They all have people to honor today.

The settings are different, but the process is the same as all the other times. They advance to the center of the room, Lorna holding John's candles by their metal base as he needs both hands to wheel himself. John puts his brakes on when he gets to the base of the memorial, where dozens of candles are already lit. He hesitates a little, feeling Lorna's step falter behind him when she understands why, but he wants to put his candles down himself.

“Marcos?” he asks. “Help me down?”

He can get from his chair to the floor on his own, but not really in any orderly fashion, so it's easier this way. Marcos comes up beside him and helps him stand up a little, with one arm around his shoulders. John does his best to put his weight on his legs despite the lack of braces, and Marcos gently lowers him down to his knees. John loses the position quickly, sitting down fully on his legs and using one arm to keep himself upright, but it's good enough.

Lorna brings the candles within his reach and kneels beside him, joined by Marcos and Clarice. John places the candles for his Marine brothers, first, murmuring their names so low that he's probably the only one who can hear. He's put down candles for them every year since the beginning. He, Lorna and Marcos quietly speak the names of every mutant they lost at the station, taking turns at lighting the candles. Clarice silently adds her own candle, and John smiles at her sadly.

He looks up when he feels movement behind him. The Struckers are still there, watching, but Reed kneels with his own candle. “For my father,” he says quietly. “Otto Strucker.”

John nods at him. He still has two candles in his hands.

“Augustus Milligan,” he murmurs. “Pulse.” He's lit a candle for Pulse for the last two years, but this time feels different, more bitter.

“I don't know the names of the Hound we killed,” Lauren whispers.

John looks up to her. “You don't need names,” he says.

“And we should light one for Chloe, at least,” Caitlin says. She and Lauren step back to get more candles.

John contemplates Pulse's candle, the little flame dancing in front of him, until they come back. It doesn't hurt quite as much, now, thinking about him, but he still feels the guilt of leaving him for dead. To get captured and tortured.

Both Marcos and Lorna have laid candles of their own, too, for people from their former lives John has only heard about. Caitlin and Lauren come back and light candles for the Hounds who died in Atlanta. Andy doesn't participate, but John can see him watching, can see his eyes shine in the candlelight.

The last candle is the hardest.

“Sonya Simonson,” John says, as clearly as he can through the tears running down his face. “Dreamer.”

Lorna lets out a sob, and Marcos puts his arms around her. Clarice lays a hand on John's shoulder as he places the candle down with the others.

All the other lights in the room have been switched off, and the glow of the hundreds of candles arranged on the floor is beautiful and haunting, lighting the stone of the high ceiling where it spreads in arches like a cathedral. The room is silent but for the shuffle of people taking their turns lighting candles and a few sniffles.

Clarice kneels down beside John and lays her head on his shoulder as he hugs her close to him. Lorna reaches her hand out to them and John pulls her and Marcos in for a group hug, weeping for their fallen friends.

The Mutant Day of Remembrance is inspired by the Trans Day of Remembrance (Nov 20) and the Disability Day of Mourning (March 1). If you don't know about those, you can look them up. If you live in large western city, there are probably vigils held on both of those days.

(tagging @eveningspirit @killeroftrains @ittybittymattycommittee just in case you want to read)

#the gifted #john proudstar #clarice fong #lorna dane #marcos diaz #mine #echo's fanfiction #the world as we know it

[mindwideopen]

Dolly Parton, donated a million dollars to the research of a covid vaccination. One company that she helped, has a promising vaccine they’re working on. Dolly Parton, is love.

The people we are, is determined by our actions. Our feelings start the chain, and then beliefs, and our intentions around those beliefs, then our thoughts come in almost simultaneously to those, then boom! Action, or in action, depending on our motivation to do. So that’s the explanation of how we live life daily. Dolly Parton, moved straight from feelings to action. Love does that sometimes. Love has no hesitation. But you, as a person have to choose. Act, or not. Love, or not.

“But my intentions are good. I mean, I want to help, but people have more money than I do, or other people are on it already, or she’s famous so people who are famous should be doing that kind of thing as an example to those who aren’t, and I’m busy, and my moneys tied up now, and my time is limited, and the issues are being tended to by the powers that be that aren’t me, and I’m tired, and no ones helping me, so why should i help...” and love? Well... not very apparent.

Being a person who aids to the whole is not always about money. Money, isn’t people. Money, is a by product of energy. It’s not an energy alone, unless you make it one. “That person with money... a douche. They’re rich because they don’t share. Selfish, and doesn’t give to the causes I believe in, so pinchy and tight and mean, and...” well, that’s one way to view money. Another is this, “that rich person, shouldn’t be defined as a “rich” person. They are a person, like me, who does things to help society as a whole. Probably a lot of things that I personally don’t know about, because I’m not open to hearing about the rich people who do good things. Maybe I’m sour applesauce, cause I want to do good things on a greater scale too. Maybe, I can follow their lead, and do what I can do to help from the position I’m in, and maybe, I don’t have to judge all rich people, as bad.” Another, more peaceful and fair way to approach life.

Our choices about our beliefs can either help or hinder us. Some beliefs we hold are lighter, and some super heavy, so we need help holding them.... “jeez, look at her! Pft! Rich! Whatever... isn’t it repulsive? All that money? And her, with that money? Please...”

Another person who holds a similar belief: yeah! Who does she think she is? She’s rich, so she thinks a, b, AND c even though I have no clue what she believes, or anything about her personally. Also, I’ve heard, and read that she is a lover of other people with money only. That is not me, so she’s terrible, and a hater.

1st person: that’s it. I’m done with rich people altogether. They can all stay in their offices and look down at me and judge. Screw them and their businesses.

2nd person: yeahhh...

And so on, and so forth. Maybe, instead of finding like minded people who focus on, and believe in the lack in me, like I do, I can find people who are willing to see the money and the money people, as decent human beings, also like me. Or better yet, instead of finding new people to talk to, introduce the option of inclusion into your daily conversation instead of how it went down above. Inclusion in belief, helps change the social dynamic of the whole, of yourself, and others. It changes your energy, to happier, more peaceful. Holding judgements, is not comfortable. And the only person really in control of your load, is you. (Pun intended)

The same is on the flip side. “Those people are soooo needy. Jeez! Get a job already! How do you think I got where I am today?! I worked my ass off! And I give, and it’s still not enough. And they’re bitter, cause they feel like I don’t give enough. Well what are they doing for themselves?! Please... I’m also afraid that they’re going to take... a lot, and I’m not into it. So let them be them, I do what I can. I’m busy, and I can only do so much... besides, they’re lazy, and different, and not of our social standing. I don’t know them, so they must be... wrong...” The same rules apply as above. Those people find others that believe the same thing as they do:

Person 2: yes! Pure jealousy, that’s all it is. We are workers, and doers, and they are not. They don’t deserve what we have, cause we are the people who bust our ass so we can have the American dream. It’s available to everyone, why don’t they do the same?!

Person 1: yeahhhh.

Maybe, instead of apathy, a little more inclusion can be helpful. But our beliefs dictate who we resonate with, and who we surround ourselves with on a daily basis. I think it’s telling, that I basically have only a handful of people that I associate with anymore. I am tired, of exclusivity, on both sides of the coin. But I’m doing the same exact thing I accuse everyone else of, I’m excluding myself from people I feel have hurt me.

For years I have been apathetic about my energy. I have made excuses about why I don’t fit in with anyone, and have essentially made it a self fulfilling prophecy. I tried a number of times to attempt to get myself out of the socioeconomic tier that I’m in, for the betterment of me and my family, but my underlying beliefs (energy) have always been a factor in my efforts. So what you feel, and think, and subsequently do, affects everyone and everything. And the same applies for how you feel, and think about yourself. All of your decisions are based on how you feel. So, check in. How do you feel, about you?

Right now? Honestly? I don’t feel so hot. I just reactivated some shit energy as examples above, and now I yelled at my son for trying to be goofy, and get my attention even though I’ve told him over and over I am trying to concentrate on writing. Shit flows downhill, as the saying goes. What did he do? Your thoughts, affect the whole, whether you realize it or not. By the by, I apologized. It’s not his fault his mom... is a failure in her career. Another belief I’m trying to overcome. And I’m not having the best time of it, truth be told.

The feeling of lack, can only be rectified from within ourselves. No one can convince me otherwise, until I convince myself, by focusing on positive examples of myself not lacking. But I have to look for it first, recognize it, and acknowledge it. If I believe I’m a failure, then I’m going to find situations and people who support that belief.

Honesty, with love, helps bridge the gap between anger (hate) and love. The love of self, is something I’ve been struggling with for years now. And I’m starting to recognize that my self talk, influences that. Honesty without love, is harsh. It may be true, but shit! That shit hurts! I’ve been honest both in and out of love, to a lot of people, due to my own hurt that lies not so latently inside of me. Lately, I’ve been erupting like a frickin volcano. I’m ok, I’m ok, I’m ok, I’m ok... BOOM! Where the HELL did THAT come from?!? Well, I didn’t share my feelings about how I feel like I’ve been treated for awhile that I haven’t been ok with, and/or, you didn’t listen if I did, so I’m out. I do that. I’m a jet plane. I leave, like Daniel in the song Daniel by Elton John. Daniel, left. He left his brother, to wonder why. We do that a lot, by holding on to our hurt and grief from past experiences. Sometimes enough is enough, and entertaining old energy isn’t an option for me anymore. My point is, working on relationships prior to the point of eruption by being open and honest about things, can yield a better outcome, and a better chance of keeping a relationship for a long time.

But I’m waaayyyyy off topic.. Dolly Parton, is a goddess! She is an example of what we should all do, to contribute and include us all in the equation. My husband told me something very valuable the other day, that I preach but barely practice. Instead of focusing on the people who are not into me, or interested in me, or who aren’t like minded, how about focusing on people who I can look up to? People I want to emulate, and maybe then more of those people and opportunities will present themselves to me. Absolutely. If all I see is closed doors, then all I will entertain, is that reality that I myself chose, whether I realize it or not.

So I’m starting to realize that good people come in all shapes and sizes. And Dolly Parton, is Smokey mountain hot! So in her honor, I’m going to wear those jeans posted above, and close this piece with a punny, because that’s one thing that makes me happy. Puns. Laughing. Joy. Not necessarily at others expense, but more situational, cause we’re all human. So let me say this: Dolly Parton, embodies love. I mean.... really embodies it, to the hilt! I mean, comin and goin, she is an ample amount of love! And she shows her love, through her kindness, her actions, and her... huuuuuuuuuuuuuge.... heart, as we all should. ❤️😉

#dolly parton #covid vaccine #covid 19 #lovematters #loveyourself #choose love #loveis #love her #lovely #country music #self esteem #self improvement #mindwideopen #kari keillor

[skiasurveys]

439

What’s the second word on the last text message you received? “hold”

Can you count to 20 in another language? Nope lol

Do you know anyone with a missing toe or finger? Nopeee

Where’s the last place you took a bus to? i think the mall? but that was a long tim ago before i had my car

What was the main character called in the last film you watched? anakin lol

Do you prefer rap or punk music? Punk

If you had to colour the world in one colour which one would you pick? Uhhhh Im not sure lol mayve Pink

What would you name your pet snake if you had one? Im not sure...Thats a good question.

What’s the tastiest thing you’ve ever tasted? -

Do you have more dreams or nightmares? Dreams but theyre weird.

Who was the last person you hugged? Connor 

Is there anyone you’re desperate to meet? - Oh yes.

Would you like to scratch somewhere on your body? just did lol

Do you have a favourite piece of jewelry. If so, what? - My rings 

Which store would you go to, to buy a pair of jeans? American eagle i love their jeans

Pick three colours: pine violet pink

What’s the nearest item you can see the same colour as your 1st choice? -uhhh idk

Name a clothing item you have of your second colour choice: -none tbh i don’t wear purple

Have you ever had any of your walls painted in the third colour? - not rly

You turn your iPod/MP3/phone on. What is the first song you listen to? Time Pink Floyd

If you could only have one TV channel which one would you choose? I dont watch tv

Your internet dies for a month, you can only access three websites… which ones do you choose? Twitter, Youtube and FB.

Do you/have you taken photos of your pets? - Of course.

Do you have any fancy dress costumes? If so which ones? - Nope.

Heels or flats? Depends on my mood i like heels but flats are way more practical

Pop bottles or pop cans? - Bottles.

Do you use bags for life? - ??

Have you ever gambled? What was your biggest loss/win? - nope

Have you broken the law in the last 3 days? - I don’t think soooo

How often do you see your ex? - Never

Where were you on July 4th, 2019? - i don’t remember lmao i think my place

What are you excited about? - summer

Do you know anyone who has messed up your life? - Yeppp

Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone a lot? - Right nowwwww

Have you ever been given roses? - yeah but i don’t like roses

Can you honestly say that at this point in time you’re happy with the way things are? - not at all but i am happy that i have some coin rn

Have your friends ever randomly stopped by your house? - yeah which is fine but sometimes i’m not in the mood to hang out like if i’m too depressed or anxious

Name something you would NOT tolerate in a relationship? - Hard drug use or cheating

Are you saving up money for anything in particular? - just in general tbh. i want to start saving

Do you have a secret that you’ve never told ANYONE? - i don’t think so tbh i usually tell my closest friends like i night not tell them right away but i will eventually

How much money do you have on you now? - like cash ? i think 30$

Do you have a condom in your room? - nah don’t use condoms

What’s more important to you: good grades or having fun? - good grades. i’m in college and i want to succeed

If your ex calls you up saying he/she still likes you, you say? - I would be confused how he still had my number and also be confused since it’s been 4 years

Could you live without having sex ever (again) in exchange for eternal youth? - no lol

Think of the last person who hurt you do you forgive them? - Yeah

Do you have a best friend that knows you inside and out? - yeah

What’s something you really want right now? - i really good job

Honestly, are things going the way you planned? - no

Is there someone you wish you were still close with? - ehhhh maybe a few friends that i’m not as close to anymore

Do you have any tattoos? - No

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? - yeah but i usually just talk to my boyfriend

If you were in the hospital would your best friend come see you? - yes i would imagine .

Are you old fashioned? - nah

If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? - have a job i love and where i make decent money

You’re a week late for your period, there’s a chance you could be pregnant? - there could be but doubt it If someone called you a bitch would be offended? - depends who said it and what was happening hahaha Would you rather go to California or leave the country? - california is nice Would you rather get pregnant at too young an age or never be able to? - never be able to

What is the last non alcoholic beverage you had? - sprite

Would you ever donate blood? - yeah i would

What’s your favorite place to go in your city and why? - maybe the ponds

What are the best stores in your mall, in your opinion? - i like american eagle but i don’t have the best stores here Is is harder for you to save money or spend money? hmmm save

Do a lot of people bike in your area? - not a whole lot but i see people doing it frequently

Have you ever had sushi? - Yep. i love itttt

#surveys

[bobbiehoney]

⌞ʾ⁎ ⊰ phoebe tonkin, cisfemale, she/her ⊱ i think i just saw BOBBIE LANGDON walk across trafalgar square, singing to SHE* ( HARRY STYLES ). you know, the TWENTY NINE year old MARKETING EXECUTIVE? people claim that they are just like BOBBIE from COMPANY**. it must be because they are CHARISMATIC and INDECISIVE as well… though i could be wrong. all i know for sure is that they live at BALTIMORE*** apartment. { violet, 23, est, she/her }⌝

yaaaaa’ll ! hi!! i’m violet! I admined the first little version of this group with fie and i’m so excited to join this community of musical theatre nerds, my fave people. i’m 23, I use she/her pronouns, and i live in the est time zone. i’m a (struggling lol) actress and writer. i’m a slut for any and all sondheim, and i first saw company when i was 16 and I didn’t really *get it* but I loved it. since then i’ve seen a lot productions (except the current broadway cast) and i always find something new in it. I was in a really cool gender-swap-y production of the show earlier this year (seriously it was so queer and inclusive and great) and while I didn’t play bobbie we spent a week just talking about the show and the dynamics of all of the characters and I have many ideas of how I would play bobbie....and muse.....SO ANYWAYS - ya’ll ready for a character study? 

bobbie. bobbie, the very best wingman. bobbie, the perpetual third wheel. bobbie, the reliable. bobbie, the undependable. bobbie, the warmest. bobbie, aloof and mysterious. bobbie, the very best listener. bobbie, the cluelessly insensitive. bobbie, the romantic. bobbie, the heartbreaker. bobbie, the sentimental. bobbie, one of the guys. bobbie, the tease. bobbie, the magnetic. bobbie, the zombie. 

background

bobbie’s name is actually elizabeth, after her grandmother (her fathers mother), and her grandmother’s mother. but most folks, her many dear friends included, don’t know that. her family never really called her anything but bobbie, and when asked if bobbie is short for something she’s always taken aback for a moment because she kind of forgets that it is. 

she’s a born and bred new yorker and while she fits very easily into the london lifestyle, she’s still grouchy about how the bagels aren’t “right”, and things like that.  she’s been living in london for about five years now, but she also travels a fair amount for work and visits nyc often.

she was definitely born into wealth, but bobbie isn’t materialistic, really. she lives a very “comfortable” lifestyle, but doesn’t hoard her wealth and donates a large amount of her income to charity. she isn’t financially dependent on her family, and hasn’t been since she graduated college, which she’s a little proud of. is she a yuppie though? a bit.

she works for a large corporation and kind of dislikes that, but she’s very very good at her job. she’s always had a natural ability to know what attracts people, and that translates perfectly into marketing. 

I think bobbie had a normal childhood, not a perfect one, but nothing traumatic I don’t think. I do imagine that her parents were pretty distant from each other and that they got a (somewhat expected) divorce when bobbie was in college. she’s definitely an only child, and her parents are proud of her...but, like everyone else, they don’t understand why she won’t settle down.

personality

the thing about bobbie that kind of defines her whole personality is that she is just super magnetic. she’s personable, witty, and people are just very drawn to her. she doesn’t really understand that, though, if that makes sense? bobbie is definitely confident, but she doesn’t really see herself as much different than anyone else. people just love being around her, and she loves being around people. 

bobbie is the biggest extrovert, a complete social butterfly and the life of the party. can make friends with anyone. she...really hates being alone, in truth. and has a penchant for hanging out with couples, she’s basically an eternal third wheel, but she enjoys that.

in denial. just always in denial. large capacity for denial.

important: bobbie is an observer. she’s always watching, listening (not just hearing), judging, and taking stock of people. (“she always looks like she’s keeping score. who’s winning, bobbie?”) that’s why she and joanne are the closest relationship that bobbie has in the show, among both friends and lovers. they’re both watchers, they’re like cats. (”sometimes i catch her looking and looking - i just look right back.”) the emotional climax of the show happens because of joanne. 

the wild thing about company is that you’re mostly told and not shown what bobbie’s personality is like, because the scenes are focused on the couples/dates and the songs are introspective thoughts. the couples describe bobbie as being dependable, helpful, loving, and basically the glue that keeps their lives together. the three characters that bobbie has romantic relationships with describe her as withholding, cold, and undependable. that’s because that’s the two sides of the bobbie coin, if you will. 

bobbie is an incredible friend. the four couples in the show are definitely her best friends in the world, and she would go anything for any of them. but they are definitely the only people the bobbie is dependable with, aside from her family. she also loves them dearly but sometimes she is this meme after hanging out with them or their kids lol. she says yes to them way too much and sometimes she is....incredibly burnt out and overwhelmed.

she’s an amazing friend, but one things change from platonic to romantic, she’s usually pretty quick to flee. she doesn’t know why. she tells herself that they just weren’t the one, that it just wasn’t meant to be because if it was she wouldn’t run so hot and cold. she’s very affectionate and charming with her lovers, she almost always seems to share a connection with them, and then she disappears. no one ever really knows why. she feels bad ghosting people, but she always says it’s for everyone’s best interest. 

in all honesty bobbie could have settled down, she did find someone who could have been her “one” in pj/kathy. they both wanted to marry each other, but neither made the move, and bobbie feels deep regret for that. so the problem is her, not anyone else. she just can’t commit.

bobbie probably drinks too much, but she says it’s okay because she’s a fun drunk and she rarely gets sloppy. but she drinks too much.

bobbie definitely has bad impulse control, and often doesn’t really think things through, especially when she’s hit with a big emotional shift. i.e. when she proposes to amy/jamie in the show. 

she’s lowkey kind of a square.....like she definitely smokes weed (canon!) and drinks but she also refuses to smoke a cigarette when joanne pressures her to (which, i get is an emotional thing and not really about the cigarette but stick with me here) and she’s very put off by peter and susan’s polyamy so AND she’s super taken aback by how *radical* and *wild* marta/theo is (which...isn’t much these days, it’s all just kind of aged material lol)......bobbie is not *as* cool as she thinks.

a line I always keep in mind about bobbie, which paul says - “a person like bobbie doesn’t have the good things, and she doesn’t have the bad things. but she doesn’t have the good things.”

notes on company (mostly for anyone who might consider playing a character from the show)

i’m playing bobbie at 29 about to turn 30, rather than 34 about to be 35. honestly i just had trouble finding the perfect fc, and so i aged her down. (why doesn’t aubrey plaza have more resources? ugh!) 

she’ll turn 30 eventually, but whooo i just wanna have fun being dumb bobbie before she becomes slightly more evolved bobbie.

my bobbie is VERY bisexual. I would really enjoy a mix of the original genders of bobbie’s lovers and the revival’s. so april/andy, pj/kathy, and marta/theo are all welcome! as is jamie/amy. (though honestly I would prefer an amy) and i would like to keep the romantic/sexual undertones with joanne, if possible, unlike the revival. (& her lil flirtation with jenny because idk if they change that to david in the revival or not?) my version of bobbie would basically sing about all of her pals in “someone is waiting”, she sees things that she loves about all of them and would want in a partner.

connection ideas (I am very bad at these but i’ll try to think of more)

bobbie would have a million acquaintances. from work, from the grocery store, from the tube. she talks to strangers, she flirts with everyone she encounters, even if she is silently judging them at times. but she’s nice, I promise.

friends! of course, all of the friends. let’s see how they could know eachother!

 bobbie is definitely besties with her neighbors, or tries to be.

look...bobbie dates casually, multiple people at a time, always. i’m open to all sorts of different relationship dynamics! bobbie may or may not break their heart a little bit though, i’ll warn ya’ll lol.

and of course!!! SPURNED LOVERS or exes of any type and on any terms!

#this only took 200 years i'm so sorry i just have a lot of THOUGHTS

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #255

“who gives a fuck if they hate you; you’re the god that they pray to.”

How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. Could you go a day not talking to the last person you kissed? It would suck. What was the last song you listened to that made you cry? I didn't like, sob, but "Another Life" by Motionless In White does it. Your ex REALLY needs you at 3am and you have a way to their house would you go? Well, I can't with Sara considering she lives two hours away, and that's by plane. If she lived here, duh. For Girt or Jason, yes. Without saying any names what is one thing that you would like to say to someone(s)? I'm sorry. Would your parents get mad if you got drunk while they were present? No. Would you date someone who lived in another state? Eh, maybe. I don't know if I want to do long-distance again. I mean I probably would, but idk. Are you friends with your ex? Sara and Girt, yes. Who is the person you last texted? Sara. When’s the last time you told people you were fine, but really weren’t? I dunno, I honestly don't lie about that often. When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? Months back when I found out the shit my therapist said about me and disability. Not only did I want to knock her jaw off, but I sobbed for like, a long-ass time. Who did you spend your summer with last year? Just Mom, really. ... Or wait, maybe that was the summer Sara was here??? My memory is such shit, idk if that was last year or the one before. What’s bothering you right now? Stress about dropping out. Have you lost friends in the past year? I don't think so, at least. Have you and the last person you kissed ever talked about going out? We did date. If the person you’re dating said they were falling in love with you, what would you do? I'm not dating anyone. Who was the last person you were in love with for more than a year? Sara. Do you have a secret life? RP stays a pretty big secret. Have you ever seen the last person you kissed without a shirt? Yes. Do your parents know EVERYTHING about you? No. What are you watching? Nothing rn, surprisingly. I'm listening to music. Are you friends with your best friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend? She's single. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? Yeah. There’s a serial killer in your house, what do you do? Jump out the window. If the last person you kissed went back to their first love, what would you do? I think I am hers. Do you own any bug spray? No, not currently. We need some damn wasp killer. Every spring/summer, they build a nest literally right above our back door. Are you a good gift giver? Honestly think I'm really good at it. I always try to put a load of thought into it. What's the longest trip you’ve ever been on? The drives to either NY or Florida. I can't remember which is further. Are you a daughter or son-in-law? No. Do you know anyone in the military? Multiple people. Do you like your significant other's siblings? N/A Have you ever received a singing birthday card? Yeah. Those always suck when you open them and boom, loud singing to an obnoxious song. Do you own anything made by APPLE? My iPod. Have you ever tried Hamburger helper? Yeah, that was a semi-frequent dinner as a kid. I never liked it that much, though. What was your first car's color? N/A Do you have a best friend? Ye. Do you remember who your Kindergarten teacher was? I do. Do you have a favorite president? A least favorite? No, considering I don't know enough about any and their policies. Can you french braid? No. Were you ever a girl scout or a boy scout? I was as a tiny kid. I met my first best friend that way. What's your least favorite color? I'm just gonna use the very basic colors: yellow or green. Do you know anyone in jail? Not currently. Do you have kids? Ew. What's the strangest name you’ve ever heard? Apples. Yes. I'm serious. How old were you when you learned to walk? Idk. Do you own anything made of lace? Yeah. What's your favorite football team? Idc. What kind of bubble gum do you chew? Just about any. Fruity is my favorite. Do you wear a one-piece bathing suit or two-piece, a speedo or trunks? NOBODY needs to see me in a two-piece. Did you go to your senior prom? Yes. Do you support a charity? Well of course. I used to give coins to those super-old charity things for sick kids back in the day, but I can't remember the exact charity it was. I also donated hair to Children With Hair Loss a couple years back. I haven't donated to any other that I know of bc no personal income and I don't ask my parents for money really, but boy have I wanted to. I always use that Facebook feature where you pick a charity to share and ask for donations for your birthday, though; I've done the Trevor Project and one for pancreatic cancer in honor of my grandmother. I don't remember the others. Do you pop your knuckles? EW no please don't in my presence @ Sara. Do you scrapbook? No. I just don't have the creative drive and dedication to. If you could change your eye color would you and to what color? A much brighter blue. Have you ever had braces? For a long-ass time because we couldn't afford to take them off. One tooth is pushed too far back because of it. Imagine your dream home, does it have a fence around it? No. I want to live in the woods where *that's* my yard. When were you the saddest in your whole life? 2016 OH WOWIE WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever seen a ghost? I definitely believe I have. Are you a virgin? No. How many books do you read a month? I like, just started reading again, so I can't say. Can you type fast? Very. In school were you bullied? I'm extremely thankful I wasn't. Have you ever swam in the ocean? Yes, I love it. Do you own a boat? Not me myself, no. Dad does. What about a camper? No. Do you read the newspaper? No. Are you on any teams? Team Mystic in Pokemon Go *waggles fist @ criticism* If you died today where do you think you’d go? Idk. Who really knows what happens when you die. I hope it's some serene existence, but, *shrugs*. Do you know anyone who is pregnant? Ummmm I don't think so. Who is the first contact in your cell phone? Best friend! :') What color are you bed sheets? The one I'm using now is light blue. Do you use online dating? I cannot FUCKING believe I was briefly on Christian Mingle I would actually rather die- How often are you sick? Extremely rarely. Did/Do you miss a lot of school? Eh. I had my mental health days and had to leave early a lot. Do you like scented candles? Yeah man. When was the last time you were told you were pretty/beautiful/gorgeous? When I recently changed my FB picture after forever. Do you hate the last guy, other than family, you had a conversation with? No. What’s the last thing that made you laugh? Roman being silly. If someone were to ask you out right now would you say yes? I don't know. Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? Yeah. Name four things you want right now: My fucking tattoo updated laksjdlflw, a healthy goddamn weight, my laptop, and a tarantula omg. Do you prefer to hold or be held? I mean, it depends on who we're talking about. I guess generally held? Are you currently wanting any piercings? You have no idea. Are you afraid of falling in love? Very. What was the last thing that made you feel like your life was complete? lol I've never felt that. You ever slept on the floor with someone you liked? Yeah. Do you still speak to any of your classmates from elementary school? Off the very top of my head, no. Does it take a lot to make you cry? NOPE. What is the wallpaper on your computer screen? Why did you choose it? One of my favorite pictures of Teddy, because I adore and miss him. Is there a pattern on the pants you’re currently wearing? Which one? Plaid. Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? I mean, not especially. They're crowded and it's a bad association anyway since it was the last time I hung out with Jason. The cake is indeed the best part, lmao. Mexican food, Chinese food, Italian food, French food or American food? American. What is the color scheme of your absolute favorite fast-food restaurant? Red, yellow, and blue. Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? Very rarely. I'm not all that tall. Is there carpet or hardwood floor in your bedroom? Carpet. Do you believe in superstitious things such as breaking a mirror? No. Do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? As someone who is bipolar, very much so, yes. Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? What was it for? Yes, for my liver. I was fine. Do you like those "end of the world," "Armageddon" movies? Not especially. Ever been choked severely on something during lunch at your school? No. Do you remember who you sat next to in Kindergarten? Who was it? No. Has anyone ever compared you to an animal? Which one(s)? No. Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? Fruits, by far. Strawberries and broccoli. Something on the human body that grosses you out the most: This is not intentional or meant to be discriminatory of those with 'em, but penises literally repulse me visually. Do you like meeting new people? What’s your most common greeting? Yeah, even though I'm scared. I think I say "hi" or "hey" most. What is something that bothers you about most surveys in general? Extremely heteronormative. Would you survive if zombies were to take over the world? Why or why not? HA no. I'm an anxious mess that is not fast or nimble in any way. What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? I like the reddish/yellowish ones. Do you live anywhere near a mall? Maybe like, 15-20 mins away. If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone? My mom. Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? NO. What’s your favorite lunch meat, if you even like any in the first place? Honey ham. Would you rather write with a pen or a pencil? Why is this? Pencil, by far. You can erase. Scibbling stuff out looks messy. Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? I am NOT kidding: one of the motivating factors of me going back to public school after 8th grade was the idea of making new friends and maybe making a band to be the guitarist lmfao. Who is your role model or hero in life if you have one? I have multiple for different reasons, but #1's gotta be Mark, man. Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid? I was a really friendly kiddo. Do you keep secrets from your parents that you don’t keep from your friends? I don't think so. What is your father’s best friend’s name? Do you know them personally? Idk who that would be. Ever submit a video to America’s Funniest Home Videos? I don't believe we have. The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had? Jesus fuck, I wouldn't wish having an infected cyst drained without NEARLY enough numbing medication on the goddamn devil. Are you someone who likes to eat Poptarts? What’s your favorite flavor? Yeah. I like the chocolate sundae one most. Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? No. What is your favorite flavor of Doritos? What do you drink with them? MMMMMMMMMMM cool ranch. Usually soda with chips. What is your favorite nickname you like to be called? Why do you like it? Ozzy. *shrugs* I like my online nickname and the "y" added sounds kinda affectionate ig. Do you already have your outfit for tomorrow planned out? I don’t plan my outfits. Has your favorite song ever been featured on a commercial? No. What would you say was the best year of your life? Why? 2017. SO MUCH DEVELOPMENT AND HEALING!!!!!!! Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? No. Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? No.

#survey #quiz #questions #personal