#idol Taehyung

[taebearlover07]

Uncle Kim

The following slides might contain 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄, do not interact if uncomfortable  

Pairing: Step-Uncle!Kim Taehyung x Fem!Reader

Genre: Rough Smut, angst and little bit of fluf

Warnings:   Rough Smut, teasing, daddy Tae, humiliation, degradation, puppy kink, daddy kink, cock slapping, naughty Yn

“Yn! Come downstairs!” you heard your stepfather shout, you annoyingly stood up from your bed before walking downstairs, not caring about your short pyjamas. “Yah! Kim Yn! Come down quick!” You heard your stepfather shout again making you groan as you fasten your pace of climbing down the stairs. Despite your stepfather being sweet and caring towards you, he still had a very bad temper and would start his rap when he is angry. “Good morning dad, what is it?” You said while yawning, stretching your arms, making your tiny tummy display. “Yah! It’s a good afternoon going on! Which girl wakes up at 1 p.m? Who is going to marry you if you behave like his?!”  You just quietly sat down at the dining table and started eating your brunch without caring about your rapping stepfather. After a while you noticed him calm down and asked “Dad, when are you and mom going on the business trip?” You asked with an innocent face but inside you were planning to throw a party at the club after they leave. “Aren’t you too excited for us to leave?” Your mother said while walking into the scene with a suspicious look. You let out a nervous laugh before saying “N-No mom, why would I be excited to see you leave?” before your mother could talk, your stepfather interrupted “Jagya, you don't need to worry about her, I have someone who’ll take care of her” Your eyes widened hearing your stepfather’s comment “No! Why ?! I don’t need anyone to take care of me!” you father was about to reply but the bell disturbed your conversation. “I think he is here” Your stepfather said and even before you could say something he walked away to greet the ‘man’. You stomped your feet before sitting back down with a big pout, making sure everyone knew that you are sulking. You heard your father talk with the ‘man’ while walking towards the dining table. Soon they both were here as they sat on the dining table chairs, your father called “Yn-ah, here meet your caretaker” You looked up from the food to be captured in eye contact with those familiar chocolate brown eyes. You stare at those eyes as you let your lips escape a whisper “Taehyung?” You understood that he smiled when you noticed his eyes wrinkle a bit when he smiled. Your beautiful eye contact was disturbed by your stepfather “Yah! How many times have I told you to call him uncle?” Before your father could start his rap, Taehyung stopped him by saying “Jin hyung, stop it, she is just 4 years younger than me, right Yn?” His deep voice sent tingles down your spine, you notice how he had got a lot more buffer than the last time you saw him. His huge hand had prominent veins, sometimes you wonder how good his hand would look when it would be wrapped around your throat. “Are you alright Yn?” Your naughty bubble was broken by Taehyung’s sexy voice, you looked at him before whispering “Y-Yes T-Taehyung” You looked at him as he stared back at you, his stare was enough to make you feel wet between your legs.

__________

“So we’ll get going” Your stepfather said while looking at you and Taehyung. You made a cute pitiful face before saying “Eomma, appa, don’t gooo” Well… You wanted them to go before so that you could party but you knew you’ll not be able to handle yourself if you were left alone with Taehyung. “Aww, sweety, we have to go” Your mother said as she hugged you tightly while you too held her tightly “Don’t worry, Taehyung is here to take care of you! You won't feel alone at all” Your father said with a joyful face, only if he knew. “Let’s go, jagya. Bye-bye!” Your mother said while your stepfather walked her away before saying goodbye. You see their car drive away second by second until it’s not visible anymore. You turned around before closing the door, only to bump into a rock-hard chest. You looked up at him while he bent down until he was face to face with you, his breath fanning your lips as he said “You were desperate to be with me alone when we were young, what happened now?” He leaned in till only a centimetre distance was left between both of your lips. You just stared at him as leaned in more until his lips were on yours, still not moving. A few moments passed but he didn’t move his lips, so you decided to take matters into your hand and move your lips. As soon as you started to move your lips, he too started to move his lips as you both kissed softly which soon turned rough. Taehyung entered his tongue inside your mouth as you let it in. Soon his kiss moved down your body towards your collarbones as he sucked around them. Your mouth escapes a little moan when Taehyung finds your sweet spot. You could feel the wetness in your panties as Taehyung continued to suck on your neck. You were into the moment when suddenly it all stopped. You opened your eyes to see Taehyung standing in front of you, this time at a decent distance. You looked at him confused but your confusion turns into shock when he said “It’s your study time, go and study. Your father told me you are lagging in Math” He walked away after his doing as you continued to stare in shock before whispering in anger “Kim Fucking Taehyung!!!”

_____________

The whole week went by Taehyung’s continuous teasing and nagging. The whole week you were left on edge, you even tried to masturbate but couldn’t finish. Today is Saturday and you decided to get back on Taehyung by teasing him. You wore a very scandalous dress that Taehyung would love to see you in but would hate to let others see it. 

Yes, you decide to make him jealous, very basic but effective. You did your makeup and wore your heels before walking downstairs, making sure Taehyung hears you come. You saw him in the living room seeing something on the television. “Taehyung! I am going out with my friends to a club, I’ll be late at home so don't worry!” You say Taehyung look at you in shock as he heard you but his shocked face was turned into an angry one when he saw the dress you were wearing. You started to walk towards the door but before you could he grabbed you by your arm before turning you around. Your hands were on his chest as his eyes looked at you in jealousy. “You are going out to a club? And that too dress like that?! With whom?!” You internally smirked at his question but kept a neutral face and said “I am going out with Rayan and what’s the problem with my dress?” You pushed him a bit before twirling around and showing him your dress “You are going out with a guy and that too to a club” He said as he gripped your arm again but this time tighter. “You are not going anywhere especially wearing that dress” He said as he pulled you towards him. You whined in protest, trying to get away but inside you were loving the attention. “What’s your problem, Taehyung?! I am not a little girl, I can take care of myself. You are not my dad to interfere in my life” You said, maybe a little too harsh, you could see flames of anger inside his eyes and now you regret what you said. Fear slowly accumulates in your body as you shuttered “T-Tae-ah” You tried to say but were stopped when suddenly Taehyung gripped your throat. His grip painfully tight, his other free hand holding both your hands behind your back. “Oh babygirl, you really shouldn’t have said that. Gonna show you whom this slutty body belongs to, making sure you know who is your real daddy” His remark made you clench your legs tight, a small whimper escapes your lips as he tightens his grip on your throat  “Gonna make sure you scream daddy all night” He said before throwing you on his shoulders and walking towards his room. Your mind floods with anticipation and lust. He walked inside his room, locking the door before throwing you onto the king-size bed he had, your breast jiggled due to the impact making him hungry for you. 

He hovered above your small frame before taking your lips into a rough kiss. You tried to match his pace equally but still lagging. He gripped your clothed breast in his hand before squeezing it making you moan. Taking this as a chance, he entered his tongue into your mouth, exploring every inch of your mouth. He detached his lips from yours before moving them down to your neck, sucking a load of hickeys on your neck making you a moaning mess. Satisfied enough of the art he created on your neck, he moved down until he was lying on his stomach, his head between your thighs. In a swift movement, he pushed the hemline of your dress to your stomach as his eyes came in contact with your sexy crotchless underwear “Fuck! You were begging to be fucked. Fucking slut!” He said as he rubbed harshly onto your bear wetness. Your crotchless underwear made it easy for him to access your raw entrance. He pulled down your panties before throwing them somewhere in the room before saying “Spread your legs wide for daddy” Submissively you pulled your legs apart, displaying your greedy cunt to his hungry eyes “Fuck, such a tiny cunt you have” Pushing your legs up his shoulders, he bends down to nudge your clit, smelling your essence. Sticking his tongue out, liking your folds as he brings his free hand to flick your clit. His harsh actions on your sensitive pussy bring loud moans from your mouth. “Come on baby, moan louder for me, let everyone know who is pleasuring you ao good” He encourages as he continues to eat your pussy like a hungry wolf. Moving away from your pussy making you whine he pushed your legs from his shoulders to your chest before commanding you to hold them wide. You desperately acknowledged his command and pulled your legs wide apart. Taehyung sucked on his two fingers, wetting them enough before pushing them into your leaking hole making you release a deep breathy moan “Fuck, daddy!” Taehyung lets out a low moan seeing his fingers disappear in your hole. You were almost near your orgasm when he unexpectedly pulled his digs out of your cunt making you whine loudly “You thought you were gonna cum after the stunt you pulled, no babygirl that’s not how it works” He said before pulling down the straps of your dress until your dress is bunched up on your stomach. Your nipples hardened as soon as they came in contact with air. He pinched your perky nips before saying “You are such a naughty girl, going out without any proper garments. Looks like I have to put some sense in that slutty brain of yours. On your knees, crawl to me” He said before sitting on a chair that was in the corner of the room “Come on, baby girl, crawl to daddy” His dirty comment made you clench your thighs together as you slowly gained your strength before getting up from the bed and kneeling on the cold marble floor. You slowly got onto your hands and knees before crawling towards him. You crawled until you were in front of him as you looked up at him with your big puppy eyes “Such a good little pup for daddy” He said as he pushed your face onto his covered crotch. Humilation fills your veins as he said “Such a slutty little pup, you are a cock hungry bitch, aren’t you?” You wanted to say now but couldn’t help but just clench your thighs together to prevent any wetness to leak. 

He stood up for a moment before pulling his pants down along with his boxers. He sat back down on the chair, manspreading as he gripped his cock “Open and suck” He commanded and you obeyed like a good girl, opening your mouth to take in his huge cock. You begin to take him slowly but he grips your hair and shoves his cock inside your mouth making him groan loudly. He grips your scalp as he controls your rhythm, you move your tongue around the tip of his cock making him moan loudly ”Such a pretty little cockslut you are” he moans out and pushes his cock deeper into your throat. Pulling his cock out of your mouth only to slap it on your face a few times before harshly showering it back in your mouth. “Yes, take my cock like a good slut” He curses as his tip met with the back of your throat making you gag. Tears streamed down your face as he thrust hard in your mouth, his moans making liquids gush out of your cunt making you clench your legs. “I am gonna cum baby” he says before cumming in your mouth, pulling out of your mouth before making sure you swallow his cum. “On the bed, ass up” He said, tapping your face lightly. You obeyed his command as you moved from your knees towards the bed. You got on all fours on the bed, making sure your ass sticks up high enough for him to see your both pucked holes. He walked towards you before hovering above your small frame. He took both of your hands in his grip before holding them behind you with his one hand. Pumping his cock he slowly tapped it on your clit making you whine “What was that baby?” He said while rubbing his tip on your clit “Please I want your cock daddy” you begged as your hips moved up in search of friction but he prevented you from doing so “Hmm, you want my cock, baby? But do you deserve it? Do you baby?” He says as he enters his tip into your hole before immediately pulling it out making you whine in frustration “Please daddy! I want your cock!!” you screamed only to be replaced by another painful moan as he spanks your ass “Behave slut!” He said as he gripped onto your asscheek “I’m sorry daddy, please I want your cock” He strokes your pussy slowly making you whine “Please fuck me, daddy. Fuck your slut. Tame my naughty pussy with your big cock. Fuck me like a whore I am” You begged him in desperation, this time you didn’t care if you sounded like a whore. “Since you begged so nice” He said before slowly entering his cock into your pussy, making you gasp because of the stretch. Slowly thrusting in you as he moaned when he felt you clench around him “Faster daddy, please fuck me faster” you said as he obeys and increases his speed “Fucck!! you fuck me so good daddy!!” You moaned loudly, feeling his girth stretch your tiny cunt, his tip repeatedly hitting your g-spot “Fuck!! Such a tight cunt you have!!” Your both’s moans echoed throughout the whole room, and both of your bodies glistened with sweat as if the air conditioner didn't work. You felt your orgasm approach as you clench your wall around his cock wanting to make him cum too “I’m gonna cum daddy” You moaned out “Be a good girl and hold it, cum when I say” Nodding your head while you moaned as he wreaked you “Cum” not being able to hold anymore you came as well as squirted as he commanded, creaming his dick with your cum “Fuck, Fuck, Fuck” he moaned a string of curses as he pulls out and cums on your ass. You lay there breathless, trying to catch your breath. You felt Taehyung release you from his grasp before walking away. You felt disappointed, well maybe you expected a confession. “Maybe he really doesn’t like me” You whispered before pouting but gasped when you heard him “What are you pouting about? Did you not feel good?” He asked while walking towards you with a wet towel “W-what are you doing?” You questioned him as he hovered above you again “Cleaning you up, aftercare is necessary. Take a nap if you want” He said before wiping his cum off your ass, you just lay there as he cleaned up before walking away to dispose off the towel to the laundry. You got under the covers, closing your eyes as you waited for sleep to engulf you. You were almost about to sleep but got startled when you felt Taehyung wrap his arm around you “Sleep baby, sleep” He said pushing you into his chest, you too wrapped your arms around his torso as you let sleep consume you. “I love you my baby” Taehyung whispers into your hair as he notices you sleeping. He placed a small peck on your forehead before closing his eyes and sleeping.

#taehyung smut #taehyung scenarios #idol taehyung #taehyung x reader #taehyung x you #taehyung x y/n #taehyung fanfic #kim taehyung smut #taehyung #taehyung fic #bangtan smut #bangtan x you #bts fanfic #v x you #v scenario #v x reader #bangtan #bts #v fanfics

[ktaeipathy]

The Art Of Calligraphy

[🫧] Taekook Au

- *ongoing*

- many short chapters

- Long distance

- c0vid exists

- 2020 lockdown

- letter-writing

- poetic approach

- Idol Tae x Rookie Idol Jk

“I tore open your letter and licked the envelope's seal for any lingering trace of you.” - Emily Dickinson to Sue Gilbert

Jeongguk’s debut was a smashing success and brought out unbridled opportunities for his career. For the first time, he had met his biggest inspiration, Kim Taehyung, in the flesh— a budding friendship he felt in his heart. Though life had other plans, driving them apart by the fall of an epidemic into complete isolation. Nothing drives you further apart than the enabling of an effortless communication system. As the world collapses and creative burnout is in the forefront of his life, Taehyung hauls back to the basics of song literature. And what better way to take it backwards than to rekindle a what-might’ve-been friendship with rookie artist Jeongguk in the form of writing letters?

#taekook #vkook #fanfic #bts #taehyung #jungkook #v #jeongguk #ao3 #archive of our own #idol x idol #idol taehyung #idol jungkook #letters #love letters #strangers to lovers #poetic approach #quarantine au #long distance #many short chapters

[lilprincegoo]

[untitled] by almostsophie1

yoongi/taehyung/jungkook

producer!Yoongi, Idol!jungkook, idol!taehyung, Developing Relationship, Polyamory

10.1k words

rating: T

Min Yoongi does not write love songs for people. Not anymore. (Or so he tells himself when his heart decides to match its beat to Jeongguk’s smile and Taehyung’s laugh.)

#taegikook #ship: taegikook #yoongi/taehyung/jungkook #au: idols #producer yoongi #idol jungkook #idol taehyung #getting together #developing relationship #ship: poly #fluff #ao3 #bts ficrec #bts fic rec #yoongi ship #taehyung ship #jungkook ship #yoongi-centric

[tkvkfanfics]

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓

!!! CHAPTER 6

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ ↝ Taehyung was painfully aware of the truth; life was never free. Every decision he made had a consequence, and it seemed clear what price he would have to pay if someone got to know about the true character of his and Jungkook's relationship. However, he had come this far and there was no turning back or throwing it away. Sadly, he wasn't too brave either.

↝ Taehyung's and Jungkook's relationship right under the nose of obviousness.

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢꜱ ↝ taekook, idol⥏ taehyung x idol⥏ jungkook ↝ idol⥏ taehyung x original male character ↝ straight namjoon ↝ namjin, idol⥏ namjoon x idol⥏ seokjin ↝ idol⥏ seokjin x original male character

ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢ ⥏ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ ↝ mature 18+ ↝ angst, homophobia, explicit sexual content, self-realisation

ᴛᴀɢꜱ ⥏ ɢᴇɴʀᴇ ↝ secret relationship, slow-burn, awkward first times, awkward romance, complicated friendships, taehyung forgets he should play a detective, ↝ idolsAU, BTS 2016

ꜱᴏᴜɴᴅᴛʀᴀᴄᴋ

ᴀᴘᴏʟᴏɢʏ

It was official, Jimin wasn’t speaking to him. Not even acknowledging Taehyung’s desperate looks and gestures to talk it out. Jungkook had been right all along; the longer they avoided talking about it, the harder it would be to resolve their issues. The situation was already complicated enough, and Taehyung couldn't help feeling guilty for being frustrated with Jimin's silent treatment.

And Jungkook’s reassures that Jimin was too shit-faced, as if that was the right way how to speak about his hyung, to remember anything, weren’t helping at all. Because why else would Jimin scoff every time Taehyung as much as mentioned Jungkook’s name even if it was something as innocent as answering who he thought was the cutest member among them?

Taehyung just didn’t understand Jungkook’s calmness, as if it wasn’t him with his dick out and lewd expression spread across his face while his hips were moving in the rhythm of Taehyung’s hand, when Jimin’s voice pushed into their intimate space all of sudden.

He didn’t believe his friend was fighting with the headache that came as an outcome of his poor drinking habits, as Jungkook suggested, either. Because whose hangover lasted for over a week?

Taehyung was about to look over his shoulder, but stopped at Jungkook’s low grunt when his head, resting on his chest, moved, but his eyes remained closed, only a wrinkle between his eyebrows deepened and his lips pouted, as if the middle of Taehyung’s chest wasn’t as comfortable as the place right under his left collarbone. Taehyung could feel the sharp metal, he knew was adoring Jungkook’s ears, as a hard stud pressing against his sternum and he smiled when he noticed the second earring from the pair glistening in the glow of the setting sun.

Taehyung liked to lose track of time watching the grey-blue sky changing into bright orange, waiting patiently until the stars weren't visible above the city, but experiencing the performance while caressing the clouds was his most favourite so far. Surrounded by the shaky walls of the plane cabin, the time surely stopped making sense. What if they were stuck in the never-ending second?

He could have left his eyes on the hills of white and his mind tasting the imagination, yet the sound hitting the back of his seat again painted everything in ashen tones, falling on his ears like intrusive hues of electric blue and red. Distracting. Taehyung didn’t know since when he could sense colours behind the tones, but they felt like a halo glowing around the sound. Most of the time, Taehyung felt frustrated with his own world, or more with the inability to explain and lack of understanding. He always deserved, or that was what society made him feel, a double look when the words that made someone stop to think, left his mouth.

Taehyung noticed Jimin's eyes narrowing as he peered into the dim corners of their cramped surroundings. He couldn't tell if Jimin was watching him through the gap between their seats, or inspecting the way the light faded into shadows. Either way, it reminded Taehyung of Yoongi's judging gaze, more than Jimin's usual cold, unimpressed stare. The slight clucking noise Jimin made with his tongue added to Taehyung's nerves as he shifted in his seat. It seemed like even without words, the disapproval in Jimin's eyes was enough to make Taehyung feel fidgety. Jimin usually craved resolution after his stubbornness faded into the loneliness of a passing time.

Their gazes met and even before the white flickered between the brown of Jimin’s pupils as he rolled his eyes, Taehyung could sense the same vivid hues of intense blue, glowing through the tension, locating the guilt inside his soul. It was the tension itself.  Sensing the opportunity, Taehyung could feel his lips parting.

“Ji-”

He thought this was also what Jimin was waiting for, the peace and place, and the quiet cabin of the plane, kidnapping them from the time they could spend with their families during this holiday season, where everyone’s snores were the sounds of their exhaustion, seemed to be the right time.

But a low sleepy hum, vibrating through his chest and down to his stomach, where it spread the warm brown comfort, slammed his teeth together before the emotional whisper of “-min,” could get Jimin’s attention.

Taehyung looked down at where the seed of safety and love was planted and found Jungkook moving his head, nuzzling under his chin for relief after waking up.

“Are we there yet?” he grunted lowly, the rasp of his voice sent chills down Taehyung’s spine, before his eyes opened and he pulled out an eyebrow over the blemish white on the grey fabric of the hoodie Taehyung was wearing. “This is mine,” Jungkook said, but his tone was lacking the accusation. He fisted the thin material around the zipper and let it go again. Distracting, the way Taehyung could feel Jungkook’s nails scrapping on his skin through his clothing, was distracting.

When Taehyung turned his head to look at Jimin’s face through the gap again, he found him with a sleeping mask over his eyes, resting his head on the backrest of his seat. Taehyung sighed.

Taehyung was happy to have Jungkook’s eyes and touch on him again, after the phone, glued to the boy’s attention during the morning, had stolen him from his arms. It was nothing like Taehyung to wish they could turn off the aeroplane mode on their devices, so Jungkook could busy himself with whoever’s messages were competing with his quick responses again. All the pettiness, coming from neglect and resulting in him throwing Jungkook’s favourite piece of clothing over his shoulders for attention, forgotten in order to speak to Jimin.

“I have been wearing it since morning,” even if Taehyung’s voice wasn’t tinted with disbelief and a sprinkle of annoyance, the remark had to be strange enough as Jungkook’s head was no longer a weight over Taehyung’s heart.

“Have you?” Jungkook wondered aloud and as soon as his curious fingers got lost on Taehyung’s clothed body, probably smoothing out the creases his head had left, Taehyung pushed Jimin to the back of his mind.

Something about the silence surrounding his and Jimin’s relationship provoked him to argue loudly to fill out the void with noise and distraction. Taehyung was chasing the neon red, not noticing it substituted for anger.

“I am serious,’ he said, crossing his arms over his chest only to pull at the same fabric Jungkook was running his eyes over, ‘I’ve stolen this from your closet, and you notice now?”

Taehyung watched as the corners of Jungkook's lips twitched, biting down the traces of amusement, he leaned his head against his seat, mimicking Jimin's gesture without knowing, he chuckled softly, “You are jealous,” Jungkook said as if he could read through the memories active at the front of Taehyung's brain. Jungkook's hand reached out. It felt flat on Taehyung's belly, right under his folded arms and he drummed his fingers, testing Taehyung's weak abdomen muscles under the stolen hoodie. “My mum would be flattered,” Taehyung saw how a laugh bobbed with Jungkook's throat but before it could spread his mouth wide and show his teeth, it blended with his subtle teasing.

“What?”

The digits knocking their own rhythm on Taehyung's most vulnerable place stopped, to think about another melody. This new one seemed to play on the background of Jungkook's heavy sigh, “I promised mum to visit them on the eighth. She said hyung with her are already there.” Jungkook's shoulders slumped as soon as he mentioned his brother along with his long-term girlfriend.

Taehyung knew better than anyone else how draining and not worth it felt for Jungkook to compete against the mental shadows his older brother, the favourite child in his parent's eyes, was casting. Junghyung seemed to be everything Jungkook was not; a model student, constantly striving for the greatest, proudly wearing the shiny batch pinned to his sweater in the least subtle way. He was also a devoted son, softly kissing his mother's cheek every holiday season or in between. And now, from what Jungkook had told him, he was prepared to marry the love of his, and his mother's life.

“I left a text before going to bed last night, that I wouldn't be able to make it, hoping she would read it when we are on the plane. But well...” the laugh he was restraining for so long finally found its way out in a burst of something that tasted bitter in the air. The underlying pain in Jungkook's voice awoken a regret pushing Taehyung’s words and actions under the shameful light. He should have known, the atmosphere of the approaching New Year (Seollal) could be sensed in everyone’s mood for weeks now; ever since January started to bend down its last days.

The holiday season had always been the hardest for them, as nothing could brighten up the reality better, or maybe worse, than fireworks of celebrations hammering their colours behind their back and on photographs where longing was present in their families' eyes. Not even the best editors could fill up the hole their absence had left, no matter how convincing the photoshopped pictures looked.

“Kookie, I am sorry,” started Taehyung.

“Hyung, it’s fine. It’s not your fault you have a loving family. Your mother probably wouldn’t even mind if you introduced,” suddenly he halted, looking down at their intertwined fingers on Taehyung’s stomach. Taehyung followed his gaze, wondering if the warmth of his palm and grip of his fingers was Jungkook's silent seek for comfort and reassurance. Without thinking, Taehyung gently squeezed Jungkook’s hand, holding it tighter in his own. “Me, when we are as old as Jin hyung.”

It was at that moment, with their hearts beating in sync, that Taehyung suddenly realised the true reason behind Jungkook's undying desire to come out. Namjoon would be the first step.

“Jungkook-ah,’ called Taehyung and straightened his back, looking right at the younger's face, ‘don't tell me, all this time, you wanted to come out just to win this nonsense fight with your brother.”

He searched for answers in the depths of Jungkook's eyes, in his gaze fixated on their hands and on Taehyung's rising belly. And there, behind the lack of concern and what Taehyung understood as nonchalance in his posture, he saw vulnerability. Jungkook looked desperate to prove that he was not worse than Junghyung, that he too could bring someone home and be loved by his family.

Jungkook didn't respond for a while. He brought his bottom lip out, only to bite down on it right away. His eyes seemed to be flickering between the truth and the words of conviction he could offer to Taehyung.

“Kookie?” Taehyung murmured softly, his voice barely a whisper against the background hum of the plane cabin.

Finally, Jungkook let out a breath, he regained the strength in his voice hinting at protection, “Hyung, you don't have to worry. Have you forgotten what I told you? If you're not ready, I no longer want us to come out.” Only this time, Jungkook misread the crease between Taehyung's eyebrows or the dampness of his palms coated in cold sweat. Taehyung wasn't worried about himself.

“But the question is, hyung, would you do the same for me?”

For a moment, Taehyung allowed himself to return to his old fears, only to find out they had never quite faded. The ignorance only made them more radiant, blazing to the point he could feel them on his skin, melting the walls of protection, the truth of untold. Taehyung could never bring a boy to his parents’ house, lead him through the threshold of their acceptance.

“I...” he didn’t mean to hesitate, but he couldn’t let the truth free either.

Jungkook's fingers spread wide, he turned Taehyung's hand over and returned the squeeze; his grip gentle yet firm. “It’s alright, hyung,” he said simply, his eyes filled with love.

დ

The weather over Japan’s largest islands seemed to be made for today’s evening event. Taehyung remembered the encouraging blinks of stars wishing him the best of luck when he pressed gently on his ear to secure the in-ear monitor and with the countdown of the collected voice of the audio engineer, he took the first smooth step to open tonight’s performance. Jungkook’s hand, hidden in the shadow of his back, patted his butt slightly, stealing his breath but pushing the flush over his make-up, bringing a bit of colour to his whitewashed face. Taehyung looked around but Jungkook’s jacket was already swishing past him, the cold wind filled Taehyung’s lungs with fresh cheering. Hoseok by his left squatted down as soon as Jungkook sneaked a thumb-up behind his back pointing towards the sky with his readiness all while Taehyung’s heart was soaring, filling his chest with pride. He loved him with such intensity that it felt almost physical, every fibre of his being was becoming stronger just to endure the feeling. Witnessing Jungkook's confidence grow with each of their show charged him with such joy that he wanted to scream from the rooftops. He could do so now, the manifestation of his happiness would be covered by the audience. He chose to smirk instead and pushing one knee forward he sat on the heel of his other foot lowering himself to Jimin’s level who was already leaning over his bent knees, heels on the floor. When darkness faded into light, hugging Jungkook’s alone figure in the middle of the big stage, the boy’s back reflected on the surface of Jimin’s eyes before it switched into determination with one blink. Jimin’s fingers flexed, a subtle betrayal of his restlessness that didn’t go unnoticed by Taehyung’s attentive eye. He knew Jimin wanted tonight to go smoothly, just as everyone else.

Two songs in, everyone noticed but they chose to ignore when Jin’s voice broke in the middle of the verse. His cheeks turned pink and his hand shot up to scratch his neck, but as the melody of their song continued to push the excited screams out of the people’s throats, he had to swallow the burning ache scraping inside his neck. When Jin’s fingers brushed past Taehyung’s in the midst of the spin, Taehyung’s hand lingered, longer than the fast rhythm allowed him to, longer than when he felt at the top of his spirit to tease. A tight supporting squeeze stretched a tired smile on Jin’s lips, but left Taehyung three steps behind.

In the corner of his eye, Taehyung saw Jimin lifting up his hand to fix the microphone hitting his chin with his every jump. He stuck out his tongue to wet his lips before he opened his mouth and as the rehearsed lines made the teenage girls in the front row put a hand over their hearts over Jimin’s sweet angelic voice, he hovered his foot over the stage floor, his arms followed in a graceful, elegant sweep, as if tracing an invisible arc through the air, the palm of his right hand was meant to connect with Taehyung’s over their hands to form a heart shape. Taehyung was already late, throwing his body while his legs took a jump, he wasn’t sure why he suddenly hesitated, throwing off the carefully choreographed harmony. Jimin, expecting the presence of fingers curling around his wrist, found himself alone in the spotlight, their movements out of sync. Taehyung’s misstep was subtle, almost unnoticeable to an untrained eye, but within the dynamics of the group, it spoke volumes. 

The big smile turning Jimin’s eyes into two lines wavered and when he turned around, curling his body until it didn’t disappear behind Yoongi’s confidently approaching figure, already spitting out his powerful words, the shape of Jimin’s teeth became visible under his skin as he pursed his lips. Taehyung couldn’t chase away the grimace for the rest of the song.

დ

Taehyung could not only feel the buckets of hot sweat pouring down his back and front, but as it seeped through his clothes and stuck them to his flushed skin, he could smell it in his nose. He needed to sit down, a minute would be enough, his body was whispering to him, but at the same time, he knew if he let his knees bend, feet rest and lungs exhale, he would not be able to finish, not even continue. So he kept on pacing, walking in a circle, with his hands on his hips and head resting low on his neck, making the life of the girl they had hired as a make-up artist impossibly harder.

“Don’t overdo it,” warned them Namjoon five songs before, pulling his tank top up to hide his collarbones, before the eruption of excited screams under the light had sent them to their routine. However, as Taehyung glanced at Namjoon now, leaning over his trembling knees while another girl was jumping frantically around him with a hand fan, Taehyung felt a sudden need to scoff.

“Hyung, slow down,” Jungkook had whispered to him when they met in the middle of the stage, moving like one man. Taehyung remembered throwing him a half-reassuring smile before the next tones of a song had separated them again. But Jungkook was on his knees now, only his shaking shoulders were keeping him from kissing the dirty floor. Taehyung could hear his breathy whimpers while Jimin, purposefully maintaining eye contact with Taehyung;  the screams of their fans seemed to fade into the background as Taehyung and Jimin held each other's gaze, was gently pressing ice packs at the back of his neck and forehead.

It had been quite some time since Taehyung’s legs had given up under him, turning his previously functional limbs into long, useless tubes flailing helplessly around his body. He didn’t plan to faint tonight, he was confident that even if his mind shut off, his muscles would continue to guide his footwork flawlessly.

A small and fluffy, but powdery, bristles of make-up brush were patting at his nose, masking the natural glow of his skin and a mole at the tip of his nose under the matted layer of something creamy and skin-toned. Taehyung lifted his hand, attempting to wave it away, but another one, slim, cold and somehow shaky grasped him around his wrist.

“V-ssi,” sighed the make-up girl impatiently, pinning his arm back to his hip. She let out a tired exhale, dragging her feet from the sofa to the wall and from the wall back to the sofa, following Taehyung's back. “Can you please stay still? I can't work properly if you keep moving around like that,” she scolded him, her frustration seeping through the gentle tone they advised her to approach the idols with.

“This is taking forever. Just finish up quickly,” Taehyung muttered, his impatience breaking through. The makeup girl paused, looking at him with a mix of surprise and irritation. Only Taehyung couldn't, he ran a hand through his hair, damped with sweat, hesitating before an uncalled anger, coming as a product of exhaustion, could snap at the innocent girl trying to earn good money any further. He knew he would be bathing in toxic guilt while the sheets of his hotel bed would be trying to bring him comfort a few hours later.

“Taehyung-ah!” Namjoon called out, his voice tinted with a hint of relief as he finally gained control over the sweet unconsciousness hovering with a threat above him. Taehyung’s expression remained annoyed, he couldn't even force a smile on his lips as he jerked his head towards the sound of the voice.

Namjoon was sitting on the floor, his knees bent on either side of his body, his ankles moving in half circles, letting free a quiet pop every time they reached their range limit. “Can I talk to you real quick?” Taehyung noticed the white traces of saliva, dried with water around Namjoon's mouth, breaking into cracks as he spoke.

The girl still dancing on her tiptoes around Taehyung fell on her heels in defeat. She pulled at the corner of the black cloth she threw over his shoulders earlier, and it slid off his body. Taehyung let her leave, collecting her make-up products, before he reached for the nearly empty plastic bottle and squatted down to his hyung, balancing close to the floor unsteadily. Namjoon's expression turned grateful as he tightly gripped the bottle, it made a sharp crunching sound under the pressure of his fingers wrapping around the plastic. He took deep gulps of the refreshing liquid, some of which dribbled down his chin.

“Hyung, I didn’t mean to be rude, but I won’t say sorry when she,’ Taehyung’s body followed the sharp jerk of his shoulder, pointing towards the girl looking around the chaos if someone didn’t need her help, ‘doesn’t know how it feels. You understand me hyung, right? I can’t sit down or else... or else.” It felt odd turning his thoughts to the voice-out words already past his tongue.

Taehyung nearly missed the lingering gaze Namjoon had left over his shoulder and even if a surprise prodded his curiosity when Namjoon said, “This is not about Wooyeong noona,” (because since when was Namjoon not only familiar but also close with the staff, Taehyung was sure he had never seen the girl’s face before), the next words falling on his ears made it irrelevant, “You need to get it together, Taehyung-ah,’ Namjoon was speaking with an impatience blended with disappointment in his tone, ‘Whatever is going on between you two, you are both professionals for fuck’s sake.”

Taehyung's muscles tensed, it was a primal reaction, he built up his defence with attack locking his body. He glanced over at Jimin, still uncomfortably close - as if he was provoking him - to Jungkook who was holding himself on his elbows and toes. The fabric of the dark blue bag resting close to Jungkook’s hairline had to be warmed up by now, as Taehyung could not spot a single droplet running down his skin and to the collar of his jacket. But Jimin's palm was pressing down on the round white plastic lid sewed at the top nevertheless in his desperate attempt to keep Jungkook's overheating body under control.

Namjoon continued, “We've all been through tough times, personal or otherwise. But when we're out there, on that stage, we need to be a unit, Taehyung.” Jimin shot Taehyung a look, there was a distant glance in his eyes as if he was piercing through his physical form made of flesh, blood and bones and could see something beyond him. Taehyung turned around quickly to catch a glimpse of what Jimin saw, but only Namjoon's intense gaze met him.

“ARMYs look up to us, and it's our responsibility to give them our best. Whatever it is, sort it out later. Right now, focus on the performance.”

Taehyung could see Jungkook's lips moving, probably a breath of soft 'Thank you,' teased the bared skin of his own forearms while his eyelids fluttered, fighting to stay open. Straining against his own weight, he shifted onto his one arm -the sharpness of his elbow bored a mark in the exact shape into the rubber yoga mat- and reached for the blue ice pack pressed against the protruding bone of his neck, muttering something again. Jimin finally leaned backwards, sitting on his heels, he lightly tapped Jungkook's back, but hesitated at the sight of the skin exposed by his rolled-up shiny top. While Jungkook was using the playtime with blue creases of the ice bag as a distraction from the ache, Jimin said something with a gentle smile causing his eyebrows to rest on either side of his eyes. Taehyung noticed him gesture towards where Namjoon and himself were standing. Jungkook tensed at the motion, his tired shoulders becoming stiff...

“Are you listening at all?” Namjoon sighed with impatience, frustrated by Taehyung’s lack of focus.

Taehyung blinked, his mind snapping back to the present where Namjoon’s dry fingers were rubbing against each other in a loud snap in front of his face.

“Sorry hyung,” Taehyung murmured, subconsciously mirroring Jungkook’s movement of rubbing the back of his neck. “One unit, no fighting,’ he repeated, ‘I’ll try my best, hyung.” 

დ

Taehyunng swore he did his best. He could cover the left side of his chest with his palm, even pat it while the hollow sound of his palm meeting his body would be used as emphasis. He could yell the same if his throat didn’t feel so raw and his tongue too big for words to make any sense. He knew Namjoon would listen, he had already been watching Taehyung’s feet stomping their way down the stage stairs, stopping him on the last one with a hand on his shoulder. Taehyung remembered how his eyebrows lifted up but before he could voice out the question, the other members were hurrying them up, all of them ready to get rid of their sweat-drenched clothes and to crowd the cars taking them to their hotel.

“I tried!” cried out Taehyung, bending down to pick up the single pillow from his bed and burrow his face into the subtle floral scent of clean sheets in frustration. The whimpers of his stubborn truth could be heard along with another set of angry stomps.

Maybe the sound muted by the rug caused Hoseok to pop out his head from the bathroom door with hair still bubbly from the shampoo.

“Taehyung-ah, you alright?” he asked with a mix of concern and confusion. He brought his hand to scratch the side of his cheek, but suddenly paused and furrowed his brows. “You've got to be kidding me,’ Hoseok exclaimed, ‘I just shaved this morning!”

Taehyung’s head snapped up, the movement so sharp and unexpected that his hands were too slow to catch the pillow falling to his still lifting feet. Hoseok’s eyes looked too red from the hair product irritation, glistening as a white creamy substance on his eyelashes, to notice something rushing through the air, but a thud got his attention again and he squinted at the blurry figure standing a few feet away from him. He repeated the same words.

“Yes, hyung,’ Taehyung's lips stretched into a forced smile, but a genuine one raised his mouth corners once he realised Hoseok could probably hardly recognise his nose from his eyes, ‘Go wash your hair. I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” He waved his hand dismissively, gesturing to the bathroom. “Just need a quick shower and some sleep.”

I am tired was an answer to every wonder or concern. I need a bath or hot water will do me good was an accepted form of solution, not questioned by anyone. Everyone knew it as a temporary band-aid to all the problems. While all of them were aware of its true excuse origin, they continued to use it, trapped in the circle of avoidance.

“Ah,’ chuckled Hoseok awkwardly, patting his hair full of white foam, ‘this may take a while. Noona said I should let it sit for ten minutes before washing it out,” he bit down on his bottom lip apologetically, careful not to collect the purple shampoo on his tongue.

“But I heard Jungkookie already took a shower before dinner. He has room to himself, remember?” Taehyung didn’t think Hoseok noticed the way his shoulders slumped nor how his lips pushed forward in a pout, but that was just who Hoseok was - always good at reading emotions and offering solutions. “I don’t think he would say no to you.” The wink Hoseok gave him was most likely a reaction to more shampoo gathering at the corner of his left eye.

Before the heat in Taehyung’s cheeks, threatening to paint his face in the colours of secret, could give him away, he quickly bent down. He was aware Jungkook had already let hot water and a pair of precise hands, massaging the shower gel into his red sweaty skin, clean him. Those were Taehyung’s own hands after all, working the younger’s body up and bringing it back down from the high at the same time in the hot passionate steam. Burning down the adrenaline with desperate touches easily became Taehyung’s favourite type of release. However, he couldn't let Hoseok find out about it.

“Oh really? How could I know that?” he laughed awkwardly, still preferring the flower petals embroidered with golden tread on the pillow case over Hoseok’s eyes. He could feel his hands sweating as he traced the round shapes of the patterns.

“He uhm... he said that?” Hoseok finally wiped away the slimy fluid from his eyes, studying Taehyung’s face. “Weren’t you blushing the same way when he did so though?” 

Taehyung didn’t blame Hoseok for his confused tone, but he wished to punish his own mind for running wild with thoughts of Jungkook. He quickly shook his head, hoping the images of the naked torso, glowing in its whiteness in the dim light behind the shower curtain, would dissolve into thoughts that felt more faded compared to the pink embarrassment.

“No, no,’ Taehyung’s voice cracked slightly, ‘It was just food. You know I can't tolerate the spicy,” a nervous chuckle was back.

Hoseok raised an eyebrow sceptically, clearly not convinced by his weak attempt to excuse the crimson that could rival a ripe tomato.

“If you say so,” he shuddered. He seemed to decide not to press any further. Instead, he reached behind the door and grabbed something, “Well, if you need that shower,’ Hoseok’s voice was coming muffled by the walls and closed door, ‘Go ahead and use Jungkook’s room.” When Hoseok returned, he had a towel in hand, Taehyung noticed how the snowy-white cotton was wet around the edge and it seemed to absorb some of the purple pigment. Hoseok pressed the dry and still fluffy part to his hairline and then slid it down across his face. When his eyes came to light over the fabric again, they were watching him with expectation.

A mirror was fixed on the wall next to the flimsy wardrobe, showing Taehyung’s secrets as the creases of his muscles and the hues on his skin. Taehyung knew he had to leave before Hoseok set his gaze on the same reflecting surface.

Taking a deep breath, Taehyung nodded, whispering a quick bye to the elder, leaning against the doorframe and keeping an eye on his back. He walked towards the entrance, accompanied by the sound of Hoseok's slippers squelching as he made his way back to the bathroom to rinse out the shampoo before his hair lightened too much.

Taehyung couldn't help but feel a mix of anticipation but also guilt at the same time. Guilt clung to him like a suffocating fog, threatening to consume him whole if he didn't stop lying to his friends.

His hand was already on the handle, the sound of creaking door as they opened after a light press, died away in a splash of water hitting the base of the bathtub.

“Taehyung-ah, wait!”

Taehyung froze mid-step, yet his heart refused to stop pounding; his chest began to ache. As he looked behind his shoulder, opening his eyes wide in an effort to see through the bathroom light, he tried his best to keep up the facade.

“Hyung?”

“Can you check if Jungkook has any shaving cream?”

Taehyung's shoulders sagged with relief.

“Of course, hyung.”

დ

Taehyung was aware his memory usually didn’t walk hand in hand with his orientation sense, but to walk into the wrong room was too much even for him. As if the keycard Jungkook had given to him disappeared from his hand and slipped from his mind; and maybe it really dropped to his feet, the moment his eyes adjusted to the halo of lighting surrounding the single bed in the far corner.

Jimin was curling into himself on the top of now messy sheets. Despite the blanket he was pulling up to his chin by the tight grip of his trembling fingers, Taehyung recognised the stiff fabric of jeans he was wearing during dinner peaking where the blanket was too short to cover his ankles and feet. His hair looked to be stuck with a white layer of product that was crusting exactly the way when was worn for too long and the black mascara rolling dried to his cheeks was staining the pillow lacking the white-golden pillowcase. Jimin brought the back of his hand to wipe his swollen eyes when the sound of beeping announcing Taehyung’s entrance startled his peace. He raised his head, showing the marks deepening into the red pliant skin of his face and his lips parted either to mute the hiccup pressing on the muscle of his diaphragm or to voice out his surprise, but instead, his eyes bulged out of their sockets.

“Oh, I am sorry.” Taehyung hands were already high in the air, emphasizing his apology by the pinkness of his palms. He was not that obvious to not understand the quiet sniffing and Jimin’s raw bitten bottom lip meant he was crying. And while he knew Jimin hated drowning in his misery alone, Taehyung thought he was probably the last person Jimin wanted to see right now.

He turned around, feeling how his sock twisted on the bottom of his heel, bowing his head in shame at what their friendship had become, however, a familiar bag that looked to be thrown carelessly by the leg of the desk caused him to freeze. His arms were still pulling the bottom of his pyjama top up, revealing the hem of his underwear above his sweatpants, when he turned back to face Jimin stretching for his phone on the bedside table.

“What are you doing here?” He pulled an eyebrow up, recognising Jungkook’s Bluetooth speakers that he liked to carry around, placed all around the room and an empty camera case hanging from the handle of the wardrobe by the strap and pulling the door open.  

The bottom of Jimin’s phone, crushed in his fist, was pressing against his hip when he stood up, as if he didn’t want to stay any longer. “I should go,” his voice was trembling the same as his knees he was bending to walk past Taehyung.

It was right then and there when Jimin’s left hand, sizing up the device so their bodies wouldn’t have to touch, swished past him that Taehyung had decided. He had never been like his grandma, believing in faith and reading too much into innocent signs, but as Jimin tripped over the bag Taehyung left thrown on the floor of Jungkook’s hotel room before going for dinner, he could no longer see Jimin’s tears dried on the pillow as a coincidence. Taehyung suddenly felt glad Jungkook’s shoulder had the best bones to cry on, even if on another day, jealousy would be felt tensing his muscles.

“Jimin, wait!” Taehyung breathed out sharply, his legs were already spinning him around. Looking at Jimin’s back, he stretched his arms in front of his chest, feeling the thick air around his fingers while he continued to bend them as if the movement could pull Jimin into his arms.

Jimin didn’t turn, but he wasn’t trying to escape anymore either. By the light shifting of the collar of his T-shirt from left to right across his shoulders, Taehyung could guess he was playing with its hem. Bowing his head until a hump above his neck wasn’t showing between strands of his hair, a breath seemed to get caged in his throat. “Yeah?” he couldn’t hide the surprise behind his whisper.

Maybe the room could sense the seriousness of the situation, so it tried to keep its always there buzz to a minimum, or Taehyung wasn’t aware of how attentive he had become.

“I...” he began swiftly, saliva bubbling the future words, only to gulp down. He often felt like he needed a manual on how to navigate through life. How to wake up just moments before his alarm went off so the furious beeping wasn’t present in his ears until late noon. How to find the right balance between the food he ate and the energy he gave away. When to put on a smile, let out a laugh, scream in frustration, or shed some tears. And most importantly, how to ask for forgiveness when the weight of his mistakes became too much for him to bear alone.

“I am sorry, ”as he hung his head in shame with his arms falling helplessly at his sides, Taehyung whispered an apology.

Jimin remained silent, his blue T-shirt highlighting the sharp angles of his shoulder blades. The room felt suffocating, as if the walls were hurtling towards Taehyung at great speed, cutting off any thoughts of escape. He swallowed hard, feeling guilt scratching at his throat.

“You’re sorry?” disbelief was slipping past Jimin’s tongue like venom, poisoning Taehyung’s blood, running through his veins with quickly dissolving naivety. “Taehyung, I thought we say everything to each other. We promised to not keep secrets after what had happened last year. And yet-” Jimin’s eyes were glassy with unshed tears he tried to blink away. He rubbed his forehead with his fingers and shook his head before speaking again, sticking out his tongue between his teeth like he needed to push out all the weight on his soul. Taehyung realised that maybe their friendship wasn't as fragile as it seemed, and that Jimin had been carrying some of the burden himself. "I thought you needed time," Jimin continued, voice strained. "I thought you weren't ready to talk about what happened that night or that hyung had forbidden you from telling anyone. But then I found out Jin hyung knows more about you than I do." Taehyung winced, hearing echoes of broken promises that tortured Jimin every day as he looked at Taehyung's face full of lies. He was too humble to point fingers at Taehyung, but too proud to continue walking down a path they had paved with pillars of the shared opinions.

“Jimin, I...,’ Taehyung took a deep breath, struggling to find the right words, ‘I screwed up, okay? I messed up so badly, and I didn't know how to face you. I was scared, Jimin, scared that if I told you the tru-”

"You think hiding it from me would hurt any less?” Jimin's voice suddenly rose in anger, no longer a hushed frustration but a loud roar of blame. “That finding out from someone else,’ he gestured wildly with one hand behind himself, pointing at no one and everyone at the same time, ‘would somehow be easier to handle? Taehyung, we promised each other.”

“I know,” Taehyung's voice was strained, his emotions threatening to spill over if didn't bite his tongue soon. But he couldn't care less, if the flood had destroyed the mask the fear was offering for free for Jimin to see, he would let himself drown, even without guarantee Jimin would again fight the waves for him. “I know we did, and I can’t explain why I did what I did back then. It was...’ Jin’s words suddenly pushed from his memory, ‘dumb, careless, dangerous. I never meant to hurt you.” Tears welled up in his eyes as he took a shaky step closer, watching his leg trembling indecisively but with desperation to bridge the distance he could feel only growing between them. However, Jimin turned away, burying him under the surface of cold water with wooden planks and splints.

Taehyung took notice of the conflict screwing the muscles of Jimin’s face before his hair hid his eyes. “But you did hurt me, Taehyung. You left me alone, wondering where you were, what happened. You can’t just disappear like that without a word. I was worried sick. And then...” Jimin's hands balled up into tight fists, a clear sign of an attempt to restrain the betrayal washing over him. “Seeing you with Jungkook... it felt like a punch in the gut.”

Taehyung's hand trembled as he reached out, his fingers hovering in the air before finally brushing against Jimin's shoulder. His eyes were hopeless, avoiding the pain in Jimin's gaze. “I am sorry,” he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper, but with each repetition, his words grew in meaning. “With you, with us.” Yet, when he looked back up at Jimin, there was desperation fighting back. “I should've talked to you, explained everything. I was just too scared.”

Jimin’s shoulders tensed under Taehyung’s touch, but he didn't pull away. Jimin finally turned to face him, tears glimmering in his eyes. “Sorry for what?’ he asked, ‘For pushing me away? For not talking to me? Scared of losing me? Because, Taehyung, you're doing a pretty good job of that on your own.”

“I regret it every day,” Taehyung hurried to explain, his own eyes mirroring the pain in Jimin’s.

Silence sat heavily between them. It left a bitter taste in their mouths, the aftermath of an argument. It could be broken only by the sound of Jimin’s heavy sigh, “Taehyung, I need time,’ he said slowly, ‘You think saying sorry will make everything okay? Do you think it erases all those weeks you ignored and lied to me?”

With a final glance at Taehyung, Jimin turned and walked away, leaving Taehyung standing alone in the room lit only by the lamp on Jungkook's nightstand table.

“Fuck.” Taehyung sank to the ground, bringing his knees to his chest, only his arms didn't feel strong enough to hold them in the pose he felt the most miserable in until Jungkook didn't return to his room an hour later, mumbling something about bad camera's quality. Taehyung raised his head, he could barely see the figure leaning towards his curled self through the swollen skin of his puffy eyes pushing into his vision. Jungkook squatted down, combing his fingers through Taehyung's hair.

“Hey,’ Jungkook whispered gently, ‘What happened? Are you okay?” his voice soothing but cautious at the same time, wrapping Taehyung with support and understanding for whatever would come.

With a sniffle, Taehyung's lips wobbled, “I just... I don't want to lose him, Kookie. He’s my best friend,” Taehyung exhaled a shaky breath, the weight of his mistakes still heavy on his shoulders.

დ

Taehyung pushed Jungkook’s hand, tickling his side or belly when he shifted in his sleep, off his body. It joined the crumpled blanket, the only divider between their heats, on the mattress. Sizing the fabric in his fingers, Jungkook’s breathing became more laboured, perhaps he could sense the absence of Taehyung’s skin under his palm even in his sleep. Maybe he could still feel the phantom of his dreams, but Taehyung let himself wonder if Jungkook ever returned to their shared memories behind his closed eyelids.

Looking at the wrinkles pulling his eyebrows together, Taehyung thought Jungkook was going to wake up, but then he cleared his throat and his forehead smoothened again. Turning on his other side, he brought the blanket over his torso.

Taehyung pushed his chin up, boring his head into the pillow squashed against the headboard until he couldn’t feel the protesting strain, he let the unknown sounds of the hotel, sleeping but being awake simultaneously, lure him back to the kingdom of no worries.

Taehyung sometimes became fleshly in the fantasies his mind was making; he was more than a feeless observer sensing everything physical through the memories of his awake self. Just as the handle of tonight’s promises came into contact with his hand, a sound from the outside world made everything disappear.

Hobi hyung, thought Taehyung wearily, listening to the steps creaking where the rug was too short from the next room. He recognised the rhythm of Hoseok's stride, the way his left foot dragged slightly and his right foot landed with a soft thud. It was a sound that Taehyung knew too well, having spent countless hours dancing in the same practice room.

He suddenly remembered Hoseok asked him to look for shaving cream. With a sigh, he threw his legs over the edge of the bed and pushed his upper body up. He faintly remembered the schedule looming over their early morning and knew Hoseok would not stick his head out of their room until his cheek would not be baby-smooth again.

As he pushed open the bathroom door, a faint scent of lavender mingled with the steam from the shower they had taken together, wrapping him in an atmosphere of peacefulness.

The room itself was flawlessly organized, every item was placed carefully just as Jungkook preferred it. Toothbrushes stood upright in a holder on the sink counter, their bristles pristine and untouched. A stack of neatly folded towels lined the shelf next to the shower, each one folded into a crease-less tower. The clothes he had nearly ripped from Jungkook's body earlier were hanging over the ladder radiator next to the socks Taehyung recognised as his.

Taehyung glanced around the bathroom, his eyes landing on a bag sitting next to the sink counter between the plastic tube of soap and a razor. It was a small plain white cosmetic bag. Even if Jungkook was a simple man, Taehyung thought it didn't look like one he would use.

The material felt smooth and sturdy under his fingertips as he hurried to unzip it. Rummaging through a variety of skin products; bottles of toner, moisturizer, and face masks - their labels gleaming under the soft bathroom light, all of sudden, his eyes widened and a crimson red spread across his cheeks. Nestled within the bag were condoms and a bottle of lube.

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[jicito]

　 　☻　 　🎧 　 　 𓈃　 　 ꔫ　 　Rainy Days 　@j2sngs

#𝓦on𝑏uni 𓂃 ✿ #divider by d-oie #mia forced me to tag her in this #ೀ #kpop #kpop icons #kpop moodboard #kpop layouts #kpop idol #kpop bg #kpop bts #V #kim taehyung #taehyung icons #taehyung layouts #taehyung moodboard #v icons #v moodboard #bts #bts icons #bts layouts #bts moodboard #aesthetic #moodboard #white moodboard #beige moodboard #tan moodboard #random moodboard #alternative moodboard #clean moodboard

[yoonbroom]

BTS FIC RECS

a list of BTS fics I really enjoyed! pls go and show these amazing authors some love <3 if there wasn't a summary I just included a little blurb from the fics! and anything with * are my own thoughts. now onto the recs ↓

KIM SEOKJIN

TURN BACK TIME - @raplinesmoon

oneshot, fluff, angst, smut

After total humiliation at his middle school baseball try outs, Kim Seokjin wants nothing more than for his awkward years to fade away until he’s thirty. Cue a magic baseball glove, and his wish is finally granted. Seokjin suddenly wakes up seventeen years later, now the star pitcher of the team he’d always dreamed of playing for. Confused and overwhelmed at the prospect of the new life waiting for him, he turns to the only person who seems to understand him — you. Will Seokjin learn what it truly means to be thirty, flirty, and thriving? Or will he find himself wishing he could turn back time?

WITH YOU - @yoonpobs

oneshot, fluff, angst, smut, ceo, marriage, divorce, parent

marrying your childhood best friend was not the love story that most painted it to be. you knew that better than anyone else.

UNTITLED - @eoieopda

drabble, fluff, est relationship, parent

"I loved the dad joon and dad yoongs drabble 🥹 it's freaking cuteeee omg jade 😭😭 *whisper* can you do dad-to-be or dad seokjin too please...? I'm on a seokjin missing hour 🥹 thank you ❤️❤️"

LONG TERM COUPLE - @taetaespeaches

series, fluff, angst, idol au, strangers to lovers

long term couple masterlist *the whole long term couple series is honestly one of my faves😭*

MIN YOONGI

LONG TERM COUPLE - @/taetaespeaches

series, fluff, angst, smut, idol au, strangers to lovers

long term couple masterlist

NO MORE - @gyukult

series (two-shot), angst, smut, fluff, unrequited love, college, secret relationship

yoongi doesn’t like your consistent pining, and one day, after finally coming to terms that he will never reciprocate any feelings back, you give up. yet, for some reason, yoongi is the one who can’t come to terms with the consequences of when he says ‘no more.’

VOWS AKA 10 WAYS TO WIN YOUR HUSBAND'S HEART - @hamsterclaw

series, fluff, angst, smut, arranged marriage, est relationship

You’ve been in your arranged marriage with Yoongi for five years, and he’s never once retaliated for anything you’ve done to him. One day you realise you’ve lost your appetite for provoking him, and you set about trying to win his heart instead.

CARE FOR YOU - @archivedkookie

oneshot, fluff, est relationship, marriage, doctor au

Yoongi will always care for you, no matter what.

BABY, YOU CAN DRIVE MY CAR PT.2- @jungshookz

oneshot, fluff, angst, smut, mechanic au

welcome to min mechanics - what can i do for you today, doll?

THE TROPHY WIFE - @taeyohonic

oneshot, fluff, angst, est relationship, idol au

the proposal doesn’t go as planned

BACK-BURNER - @/yoonpobs

series, angst, fluff, smut, sisters best friend, friends to lovers

sometimes you felt like you were the back-burner of a two-decade-long friendship. how could you ever compete?

VEGAS BABY - @chimivx

series, fluff, angst, smut, idol au, parent au

A peek into the life of an Idol and his soulmate tackling the obstacles that come with having a surprise in the whirlwind of a world they live in. { This link takes you to the full collection of works. }

JUNG HOSEOK

LONG TERM COUPLE - @/taetaespeaches

series, fluff, angst, smut, strangers to lovers, idol au

long term couple masterlist

ONE NIGHT LIGHT - @bts-reveries

series, fluff, angst, smau, parent

Hoseok has been living his very own version of a perfect life. Unlike some of his best friends, this doesn’t include a happy marriage, adorable kids, or even a stable relationship. All he would ever need was music, dancing, and of course, the parties. Now what happens when he gets a wake up call from reality when the door rings approximately six years after his last one night stand?

AT THE CONCERT - @katnisspeetaprim

oneshot, fluff, est relationship, idol au

Hoseok was quite insistent that you come to this show in particular...

KIM NAMJOON

LONG TERM COUPLE - @/taetaespeaches

series, fluff, angst, smut, strangers to lovers, idol au

long term couple masterlist

UNTITLED - @/eoieopda

drabble, fluff, est relationship, parent au

dad!joon

ALONE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY - @monimonimoon

drabble, angst, est relationship

Namjoon promised he would be there on your birthday, he wouldn't be working, he certainly wouldn't work late. Sometimes, increasingly frequently, he broke his promises.

ME AND YOUR MAMA - @joonberriess

oneshot, smut, fluff, est relationship

you like to remember both what life before the little one was and after with your loving boyfriend namjoon.

PARK JIMIN

ROCK BOTTOM - @jkbabiey

oneshot, angst, fluff, smut, marriage, idol au

When, in a four-year marriage, you get to the point where you question its worth, you know that’s your rock bottom. How many I’m sorry’s will you handle? How many times are too many times?

MASK ON - @herherteartear

series, fluff, angst, smau, single dad au

blind dates are never the move.. unless your best friend is vouching for the person you're going on a date with. it couldn't be that bad, right? wrong. now you're in love with a man who has a big secret. a big secret with chubby cheeks and pig tails.

LONG TERM COUPLE - @/taetaespeaches

series, fluff, angst, smut, friends to lovers, idol au

long term couple masterlist

KIM TAEHYUNG

MINI ME - @bts-reveries

series, fluff, angst, smau, strangers to lovers, parent au, artist au

Unlike his best friends, Taehyung was young, wild, and free. No relationship, no babies, no responsibilities. Well he had his puppy, but that was it. Taehyung watched his nieces and nephews grow up and it was no secret that he too wanted to have one of his own someday. So what will happen when he finally finds someone that matches his personality (and himself) well?

WELCOME TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL - @tteokggukk

oneshot, fluff, idol au, strangers to lovers

"He’s been watching your videos for quite some time now, ever since your channel started rising. Art was one of his major interests and he absolutely adored the way you made your videos with the calming, ASMR-like sound of mixing paint and how you skillfully glided the brush across the canvas. On days when he found himself tired and in need of a quick way to relax, he’d subconsciously find himself binge watching videos on your channel— even repeating several videos since you were only starting. He found it fascinating, but also because he found you interesting."

ONE OF THE BOYS - @littlemisskookie

oneshot, fluff, angst, smut, childhood friends, best friends to lovers, high school

All your life you wanted only one thing- for Kim Taehyung to like you. You did everything you could to make this happen, from picking up his hobbies and rejecting anything feminine. But who do you start to become when you stop trying to impress him?

LONG TERM COUPLE - @/taetaespeaches

series, fluff, angst, smut, (best)friends to lovers, idol au

long term couple masterlist

"I WISH ID NEVER MET YOU" " I HATE YOU" - @v-hope

oneshot, angst, idol au

"pls do 12 and 27 with tae (angst)"

JEON JUNGKOOK

UNTITLED - @onlyswan

oneshot, fluff, angst, est relationship, idol au

in which you make jungkook’s world spin and you tend to… make him a little too dizzy.

ME AND MY HUSBAND - @gashinabts

oneshot, fluff, angst, smut, est relationship, parent au

You don’t want to brag but you have the world’s greatest husband. Jungkook packs your lunch everyday, and makes cute shapes with the fruit. There’s even a little note, ‘ Have a good day at work, Baby! <3’. Smiling to yourself you place the note down, and eat your food with content.

17 GOING ON 27 - @hansolmates

oneshot, fluff, angst, photographer au

one second, you’re sobbing at prom because the most popular guy in school dumps you due to your relationship being a little prank to break your heart. the next? you’re a creative editor at Ego, the hottest young adult fashion magazine. as you try to figure out what’s the deal with this sudden time skip into adulthood, you come across relationships and friendships that are made to be cherished and made to be broken.

HOME - @bonny-kookoo

oneshot, fluff, smut, idol au

Singing about love without having experienced it properly before, Jungkook felt a little foolish- as if he didn’t quite have the rights to the words he’d put out there for others to listen to. But Jungkook also loved to learn new things; and loving you was one of them.

LONG TERM COUPLE - @/taetaespeaches

series, fluff, angst, smut, strangers to lovers, idol au

long term couple masterlist

want recs for other groups? check out my navigation → here!

#fic lists📃 #bts fanfic #bts fic rec #bts fluff #bts angst #bts smut #bts smau #bts friends to lovers #bts strangers to lovers #bts dad au #bts idol au #bts established relationship au #bts parent au #bts arranged marriage au #bts doctor au #jin fic recs #yoongi fic recs #jhope fic recs #jimin fic recs #taehyung fic recs #jungkook fic recs

[7brownsuga7]

bts x idol!gf headcanons pls!!

i’ve been loooving ur bts boyfriend headcanons so far! ur so talented

Omg thank you so much 🫶🏽 I actually enjoyed writing this. Here you go & enjoy! <3

Namjoon:

• Tries to be discreet with your dating but will accidentally leave hints like some of your merch/stuff in the background of his pics/lives.

• Paparazzi pics in museums & galleries. Definitely off guard

• Always in touch when the other is away.

• Will publicly share your music/projects. Is a big supporter

• Spotting’s in clubs. Shades on dancing the night away. Y’all are definitely the talk of the night

• You both subtly post things on your story that insinuates that you both might be dating. Same location, same background, posting pics at same event or place. Posting songs that relate to each other.

• You both definitely talk through your stories. Talking to each other through songs or silly captions etc

Jin:

• Will shut down any bad rumour about you. Very defensive when it comes to you.

• Big supporter and is at all of your shows/events cheering you on if he can.

• Goes on live wearing your merch

• Lives where both of you are cooking together and bickering with each other about who’s better or who does it right.

• Idk I can see y’all presenting together?!! And kinda teasing each other. (I see this before you start dating. And this causes speculation which kind of initiates both of you dating??)

• You both definitely post pics of each other being a mess. Off guard pics 100%

Yoongi:

• Song covers while he plays the instrumental for you on his guitar or piano

• Will stick up for you and will shut down any bad rumour about you. Very defensive when it comes to you. And if you're getting hate he's gonna make sure it's dealt with

• Very protective when out in public together. Is like your own little personal bodyguard and will hold your hand and lead you away from the paparazzi/fans

• Will go on live and call out everyone for your fan edits. Even though he acts like he doesn’t like it he blushes and secretly saves them.

• He’s caught with your picture as his lockscreen

Hobi:

• Loads of dance videos and choreographies.

• Lives where you both are just dancing and vibing in the practice room.

• Duet video dance covers that he begs you to do

• Cameos in each others MVs

• Has your merch. Has your photocard hanging on his jeans or bag for sure.

• Is spotted with your initials painted on his fingernails

• Always showing you off to the cameras with a big grin on his face. Showing your photocard, merch, his lockscreen of you, showing his nails or any jewellery with your initials on it.

• Taking selfies with your posters/adverts with a big smile on his face. Or even will do a little freestyle dance in front of it lmfao

Jimin:

• Cameos in each others projects. Him more so in yours.

• Will talk about you in his lives. Will purposely make up a comment and read it out and then go on a whole rant about you. Will get shy and then wave it off

• Duet video covers that you beg him to do

• Posting pics with the same background/location so people know you're together

• Likes every and any fan edit of you both.

• You both are always spotted on little dates like cafes, pottery painting or just casual walks

• You both wear matching jewellery that he picked out himself

• Taking selfies with your posters/adverts with a happy proud smile on his face and the most sentimental and encouraging paragraph

Taehyung:

• Cameos in each others projects/MVs

• Loads of leaked messages of y'all being messy

LFMAO.

• Loads of photo shoots from him. He loves being your personal photographer

• Will purposely like and interact with any conspiracies and speculations about you dating. (Before you both went public with your relationship)

• He will beg you to go on variety shows together. He sees it as something fun. I can see you both bickering during the recording and making fun of each other/ teasing. You both would kill it though even though you don’t take it seriously you’d probably end up doing great in the games.

• Public outing spottings. You guys are always seen out together holding hands or him with his arm around you. You guys always stop for pictures.

• You both wear matching jewellery to symbolise your relationship

• Y’all are always caught kissing in public. So many pictures have been leaked

Jungkook:

• Paparazzi pics of your date nights. Holding hands and running away from the paparazzi/fans as a game

• Very sneaky and lowkey. Like you're known to be dating but you're very sneaky with it. Always hiding from paparazzi and not really speaking about your relationship publicly.

• But will publicly stick up for you if there's rumours going around or hate. He's shutting that shit down

• Duet cover videos that you guys randomly post that has the fans going insane

• Hot dance covers. Y’all both being sweaty having re-recorded many times due to fuck ups, teasing and getting distracted iykwim ;)

• Always FaceTiming and calling when either of you are away. You both miss each other so much and you can't go without communicating. He literally will keep on messaging you if you don't respond

• Fan edits go crazy and he eats it up every time. He’s obsessed with watching them.

• I can imagine him calling you during his promotion sketch videos. Seen giggling on the phone to you, excited to talk to you after his promotions. Sometimes you might even make a cameo in them

• You’re always seen discretely wearing his clothes

#bts #bts army #7brownsuga7request #bts headcanons #jimin headcanons #namjoon headcanons #taehyung headcanons #yoongi headcanons #jungkook headcanons #jin headcanons #Hoseok headcanons #bts x idol gf #bts x reader #bts jungkook #jin bts #suga bts #jimin bts #bts taehyung #bts hoesok #bts yoongi #bts boyfriend material #headcanon #headcanons #bts au #bts imagines #jungkook boyfriend material #jimin boyfriend material #yoongi boyfriend material #taehyung boyfriend material

[katnisspeetaprim]

Always, Us (Suchwita)

Min Yoongi/FemIdol!Reader Requests open!

Warnings: Established relationship, discussion of pregnancy and marriage, idol!au

Word Count: 1506 M.list

‘Today on suchwita, we have someone people have wanted for a long while.’ Yoongi addressed the cameras as you stood at the side, excitedly waiting for your cue. Since Yoongi started his show, fans had wanted you to make an appearance, but there was never a good enough reason for you to appear until now. You don’t know if the reason fans wanted you here because they genuinely liked you, or if they just wanted to be nosey about your relationship now that it was public. Either way, you were happy to do this for Yoongi.

‘It’s Y/N of the group Prima.’ He stood from his seat and welcomed you with a bow, before pulling your chair out for you. You feigned shock as you sat down.

‘This is how you know cameras are around. He’s acting like a gentleman.’

‘YAH! Don’t say that!’ He snorted with a laugh as he sat down opposite you. ‘I’m always kind.’

‘Sure if you say so.’

‘I’m sure you noticed I got your favourite alcohol here. I’ll keep it for myself if you carry on.’ He smirked, gesturing to the various colourful bottles on the table.

‘You wanna play that game?’  You challenged, leaning forwards with a smirk to match his own. Yoongi relented, leaning back and waving his hands with a smile.

‘Ok, we’re getting off topic and we haven’t even started yet.’ You also relaxed, but you knew you had won that round.

‘As I was aying, this is your favourite. Let me pour you a glass.’ You held out your glass and thanked him as he poured.

‘People have been curious about us since we went public right?’ You asked, getting right into why you were there.

‘Yes.’ He agreed, drinking from his own glass. ‘How did it feel for you to finally be open after having to hide it for so long?’ Yoongi had given you a brief run down of the kind of questions that would be asked the night before, so that you could prepare, though you didn’t want to just write and memorise a script, especially when it came to your love life. You wanted your words to be as natural as possible.

‘It felt good to not have to sneak around. I know you were relieved too.’ Yoongi nodded in agreement.

‘It made me feel like we were a couple of horny teenagers sneaking out at night.’ He laughed.

‘Oh yeah you’re right! But looking back I don’t know why we hid it so long. People have been shipping us since we first met pretty much.’ You smiled warmly, thinking back to when you posted a picture of yourself and a young trainee Yoongi onto your groups twitter account. Yoongi wasn’t well know back then, but your fans were curious about your connection to the young trainee.

‘Do you remember how we met?’ Yoongi asked, smoothly moving the conversation along. You didn’t answer right away. You looked down as a subtle blush spread across your cheeks as you thought of the memory.

‘Why are you blushing? Don’t get shy now!’ Yoongi laughed as he called you out.

‘Shut up.’ You mumbled, all in good fun.

‘Ok. I was late for rehearsal and I ended up barging into your guys room by accident.’ You cringe at that part. ‘ You all stared at me and I was so embarrassed, but you also offended me that day!!’ Yoongi raised his eyebrows questioningly. Had he really?

‘Yes!’ You exclaimed, making him a little nervous. ‘You didn’t know who I was! Even though I debuted like 2 years before that!’ Yoongi sighed in relief and rolled his eyes.

‘I told you before! I didn’t know many current groups back then! I was too busy trying to debut myself.’

‘Yeah, sure.’ You crossed your arms with a pout.

‘Why are you pressed about that still? It was over a decade ago!’

‘That’s not the point! I’m your senior so you should respect me!’ Yoongi choked out and exasperated laugh, before he addressed the crew.

‘do you see what I deal with on a daily basis?’

‘You see! This is what I mean.’ You laughed whilst gesturing towards him. ‘No respect...’ Yoongi shook his head, laughing at the interaction.

‘You know, my mom keeps asking me when we’re going to give her grand kids.’ You froze and internally cursed him for bringing up this topic. It’s not like you don’t want babies with him, it just never felt like the right time to try. Especially now with his military service coming up...

‘I always thought we’d try after your enlistment, but we never really discussed it....’ You confessed, feeling the energy of the room die slightly. You saw Yoongi’s eyes widen ever so slightly at your answer, but he covered it up by rubbing his face.

You weren’t lying when you said it hadn’t been talked about, so your answer definitely caught him off guard.

‘We also need to find time for a wedding.’ He played it off cooly, trying to move on with a joke. You frowned to yourself. His reaction was strange. This definitely needed more investigating.

The remainder of filming flew by. You’d managed to avoid any more awkwardness after that and put on a good show. You were fairly certain that part would be cut anyway. It may have been a little too personal to bring it up in that way in hindsight....

‘So, do you want to talk about what you said?’ Both you and Yoongi were sat in his car in the parking lot. You could get a lift from the company driver, but Yoongi proffered the freedom of being able to drive himself. ‘About having kids?’ He looked over to you with an expression you couldn’t quite read. Looking down at your hands in your lap, you began to speak.

‘I meant what I said. I want kids with you, but I ... also don’t want to give up my career...’ You trailed off. He sucked in a breath at your words, but stayed silent. ‘I just said that about your enlistment because I didn’t know what else to say.’ You sniffled slightly, but you were determined to not get upset. Yoongi placed a comforting hand on your thigh and leaned across the console.

‘Hey. You won’t loose your career. You really think Bang PD would let you go after all these years?’ He spoke soothingly. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t stop a few tears escaping your eyes.

‘I know it’s stupid to think this way but-‘ Yoongi quickly shook his head.

‘Don’t talk like that. If you’re upset it’s not stupid, ok?’ He had now moved his hand to the back of your neck, rubbing calming circles into your skin. You slowly looked up at him to see him giving you a reassuring smile. You were unable to stop yourself from reaching up and pulling him into a hug, or as much as you could manage with the gear box between you.

‘I’m sorry I got upset.’ You mumbled into his neck. He craned his neck to place a kiss on the side of your head.

‘Nothing to be sorry for.’ You both stayed like that for a few relaxing moment as you calmed down. Pulling back, you wiped at your eyes before quickly pecking his lips.

‘We need to talk properly at some point, but right now I need you to take me home so I can stuff my face with ice cream.’ Yoongi broke out into his iconic gummy smile as he stared at you.

‘You must be feeling better if you can crack jokes. Now put your seatbelt on woman.’ Yoongi pulled out of the parking lot and started the journey home. You both sat in comfortable silence, only the sounds of the quiet radio played in the car. You thought back to the filming, when you suddenly remembered something he so casually said during the interview.

‘So...’ He glanced at you briefly, before looking back to the road. ‘What was that about a wedding?’  You smirked when he choked on his own spit and clearing his throat.

‘Ah yeah. That...’

‘You haven’t even proposed to me.’ You teased, hoping he might get a hint. Yoongi fully looked at you when he pulled up to a traffic light, smile tugging at his lips.

‘Do you want me to?’

‘I certainly wouldn’t be oppose to the idea!’ You both sent coy smiles to each other and that was that. Conversation over.’ The two of you didn’t need to get married to know you loved each other, but having said that...

And thus, a few weeks later, Korea woke to the news that you and Yoongi had secretly eloped and made your marriage official.

You had a lot of explaining to do to your parents, but you got out of it by promising that you would have a ‘proper’ ceremony at a later date. For now though, you were both content with how things were.

#bts #bts x reader #imagine #one shot #scenario #drabble #reaction #smut #angst #fluff #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #idol!au #Request

[7ndipity]

Accidental Announcement

Taehyung x Idol Reader

Summary: You and Tae’s relationship is revealed to his members in an unplanned, slightly awkward way.

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: suggestive, like one swear, Tae refers to reader as his girlfriend,

A/N: Thanks to the lovely anons who sent both of these requests! I decided to combine them into the same piece, I hope that’s okay. Idk why, but it’s funny to me that I went from not really knowing much about Idol AUs, to having several ongoing series’ of them on this blog!

Masterlist

Requests are open

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

The backstage area of the music show was always so crowded and noisy that it made it easy for Tae to slip up beside you without anyone really paying attention, catching your hand in his before leaning in closer than nessary to mumble lowly in your ear.

“I’ve got a room to myself tonight, do you want to come over?”

“What exactly are you suggesting?” You asked, casting a sidelong glance at him, a smirk playing at the corners of your mouth.

“Whatever you want.” He replied, slipping a keycard into your hand smoothly before going back to find his members.

You were a bit surprised by his brazeness of the action, the past few weeks apart while traveling with your respective groups having apparently made him a little more needy than usual, though you couldn’t say you minded.

It wasn’t uncommon for you and Tae to slip off to each others rooms when you found out you were staying at the same hotel, but it was usually brief since there was the constant risk of one of the members walking in on you, due to having to share rooms all the time. But having a solo room meant there was no such threat for once.

You slipped down to his room after he texted that the coast was clear, spending a relatively quiet evening together before getting ready for bed, borrowing one of his t-shirts to sleep in, having conveniently ‘forgotten’ to bring your own pj’s with you.

As you wandered back out of the bathroom, you noticed Tae very engrosed in whatever it was that he was watching on his phone.

Out of curiosity, you snuck up behind him and peeked over his shoulder to catch a glimpse at his phone, surprised to see yourself, winking at the camera as you danced earlier that night during the music show.

“Are you watching fan edits of me?!” You squealed, making him jump and drop his phone, which you were quick to snatch up to get a better look.

“Ya! That was just in my recomendations! Give it back!” He jumped to his feet, chasing you round the bed, but you were too quick, darting across the mattress to save yourself from a full body tackle. You tried to make a dash for the bathroom, but were to slow, as he managed to grab hold of your arm and spin you so you were pinned between him and the front door.

“Give me that!” He giggled breathlessly as he wrangled his phone out of your grip.

“I can’t believe it, you’re such a fanboy!” You laughed, equally out breath, choosing to wrap your arms around his neck both for support and to pull him down to your eye level.

“Only because you’re so cute.” He cooed, catching your lips in a teasing kiss, trailing his hands up your sides slowly and making you squirm against him, momentarily lost in the feel of each other that you didn’t hear the sound of his door knob turning.

“Taehyung, do you know where- Yi-ash!” Before either of you could react, the door had opened, resulting in you and Tae falling out into the hallway, landing squarely at Jin’s feet in pile of limbs.

For a moment, you all froze, staring wide-eyed at each other in shock.

“Hyung, I-” Tae started.

“What was tha- whoa.” The door to the room next to Tae’s opened, revealing Jungkook and Jimin now peering out, equally shocked. “Y/n?”

“Hi, guys.” You said awkwardly, hyper aware of how compromising your current position looked. “Uh, Tae, can I get up?” You whispered, snapping you boyfriend out of his daze.

“Yeah, sorry!”

“What’s going on?” Jin asked as Tae scrambled to his feet and helped you up.

“Nothing! We were just-”

“Does Namjoon know about this?” Jungkook asked.

“Know about what?”

“Oh, for shit’s sake!” Tae whipped around to face the leader and Hobi, who had just exited the elevator, trying to hide you behind his back, as if that was going to help anything at this point.

“What is with all the noise?” Yoongi opened his door, blinking tiredly at the sight of everyone standing in the hall for several long seconds before wordlessly closing the door again, deciding against involving himself in whatever scene was unfolding right now.

“What’s going on?” Joon asked, glancing around at his members, eyes widening slightly as he spotted you, wearing one of Tae’s t-shirts and wishing to dissolve into the wallpaper. “Y/n?-”

“Y/n’s my girlfriend.” Tae blurted out loudly, causing everyone’s attention to whip to him, including yours. ”We’re dating, but I haven’t told the company yet.”

There was another pause as that information sank in, before Junkook spoke again, breaking the silence.

“Way to go, hyung.” He grinned at you and Tae.

“Yeah, good for you guys.” Jimin agreed, shooting you both a thumbs up.

“You’re not mad?” Tae asked, glancing at everyone nervously.

“Why would we be mad? So long as you’re careful, It’s your life.” Hobi said encourangingly.

“Yeah, I mean, I would’ve rather not have found out by catching you two doing that-” Jin said.

“We weren’t doing anything!” Tae exclaimed.

“Tell that to the hickey on you neck.” Jimin chirpped, dissolving into giggles as Tae clapped a hand to his neck in alarm.

“Okay, um, we can talk about this later, can everyone just please go back to your rooms before one of the staff shows up?” Joon said quickly, herding the two younger members back into their room.

“Be safe, you two!” Jungkook called, closing the door before Tae could snap back at him.

“Thank you, hyung.” Tae said to Namjoon.

“Don’t worry about it, man, we’ll talk later.” Joon replied, patting Tae on the shoulder before nodding to you. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay.” You said, catching Tae’s hand before making your way back to his room.

“Oh, hyung?” Tae leaned back out into the hall to address Jin. “What was it you came to ask me?”

The eldest member blinked for a moment before shaking his head. “I don’t even remember.”

Tae nodded. “Alright then, goodnight.” He closed the door firmly, making sure both locks were engaged before slumping against it with a groan.

“Well, that’s not how I planned for that to go.” He said, rubbing his face tiredly.

“What? Telling you bandmates about us, or asking me to be your girlfriend?” You asked, leaning against the dresser as you studied him.

“Both.” He admitted, looking at you apologetically. “I am so, so sorry.”

You shrugged. “At least it was just them and not your manager.”

He nodded before slowly straightening and coming to stand in front of you. “Will you let me fix one of my missteps from tonight?”

“Depends which one it is.” You said, smirking up at him.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” He asked you, staring down at you solomly.

“Hmm.” You pretended to mull it over. “I guess.”

“You guess?!” He balked, making you laugh.

“Yes, you goof, I will.” You relented, wraping your arms around his neck to pull him into a kiss.

“Good, I don’t think my heart could take any more surprises tonight.” He mumbled against your mouth.

“Plus, the guys would be upset.”

“The guys?” He raised a brow at you before hoisting you up and dropping you on the bed. “I don’t want to hear about ‘the guys’ again for the rest of the night.” He grumbled, climbing to hover over you.

“Are you possesive now?” You asked, grinning up at him.

“You’re gonna find out.”

#taehyung imagine #taehyung reaction #taehyung scenarios #taehyung drabble #taehyung blurb #taehyung fluff #taehyung idol au #taehyung x idol!reader #taehyung x y/n #taehyung x reader #bts scenarios #bts one shot #bts imagines #bts drabble #bts fluff #bts idol au #bts x y/n #bts x reader #bts x idol!reader #bts reaction #bts requests #7ndipity

[taebearlover07]

Just Mine - 1

The following slides might contain 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄, do not interact if uncomfortable

Pairing: Duke!Kim Taehyung x Fem!Princess!Reader

Warnings:   JEALOUSY(for now that's it)

“Princess, I think it is a bad idea” Your maid more of a best friend said as she gets scared of your plan to sneak up to the strawberry farm. You, you are the one and only princess of the kingdom of Anotle. You are the most adored and cherished kid of the royal family. You are the only girl among the seven kids of the king and most loved by both the king and her six elder brothers. Everyone in the kingdom loved you and not only the kingdom but also other kingdoms, many princes already had an eye on you but you were bounded to be with him and no one in the seven kingdoms dared to mess with him. Despite being a princess, you still had restrictions but loved to disobey and today was one of those days. You were not allowed to go to the strawberry farm since the last time you did, you suffered a long-time fever but you were blinded by the love of strawberries. Your maid/friend, Arial was scared of your disobedience but you care about anything. You both slowly walked through the hallway, making sure no one knew you were sneaking to the farm but froze on the spot when you heard him “What are you doing here, Yn?” His deep voice sent shivers down your spine. You swiftly turned around as your eyes came in contact with his chocolate brown eyes “T-Taehyung” You shuttered while playing with your fingers “I asked you something, Yn” He said while raising his eyebrow making him look more handsome than he already is. “I-I was going-am, I was going to the library!” You shuttered in confusion before suddenly screaming out(not too loud though) “Library is in the opposite way of where you are going princess” He said in his usual cold voice. You bite your lips before cursing your dumb brain. You were left speechless as you bit your lips, thinking of a solution but Taehyung’s loud sign brought you back “Miss Arial, you can go, I’ll lead princess Yn to the library” Your eyes widened as your head moved immediately to her, eyes signalling her to deny but who are you kidding, except the royal family and the god himself, no one dared to deny Duke Kim’s order. “As you say, Duke Kim” without missing a beat, Arial obeyed his order and said sorry to you through her eyes. “Let’s go, Yn” Taehyung said as he forwarded his hand to you. You let him wrap his hand around yours as he pulls you towards him before letting his hand wrap around your waist. 

You both walked through the hallway until you reached the library. Taehyung pushed the door open and you both walked in to see one of your older brothers with a few books in hand "Namjoon oppa!" You exclaimed. He smiled at you and Taehyung before saying “I was about to call you both” You looked at him as you tilt your head in confusion before you could say anything Taehyung asked, “What is it, hyung?” Namjoon looked at him before saying “Father is organising a royal ball tomorrow and your both’s presence is a must” You gasped as you realised “But I don’t have anything to wear tomorrow” You pouted. Taehyung creased your waist as he says “Don’t worry Yn, I’ll order a dress of your choice for you” He looks deep into your eyes making you blush as you looked away from him. Namjoon chuckles at you both before saying “I shall leave you both alone now” Namjoon walks out before kissing your cheek making you giggle. You looked at Taehyung only to know that he was already staring at you. You turned away from him before walking to a shelf to look for some books because the original plan failed. You tried to pull a book of your choice from a high shelf but another hand was placed over your as your back was pinned against your chest “You don’t need to act princess” Taehyung bends before whispering against your ear. Your body shivers as you hear your name coming from his mouth. Taehyung’s hand moves and grips your waist before pulling you more to him “Don’t go near the strawberry farm, it’s just for your health. Got that?” Your toes curl as he whispers in your ear. You nodded, feeling the loss of words due to closeness “Words princess, I want words” He says as his hand moves upwards and creases your covered skin, just below your breast “Y-yes, Duke” You breathed “Good” He said before moving away from you. He gave you your book and said “I’ll leave you alone for your time princess, I’ll go and prepare all the necessaries for tomorrow” Without waiting for your reply, he walked away. You stood at your place, clenching the book as you breathed while clenching your legs.

——On The Ball Day—————

“Princess, do you want me to braid your hair or keep it open?” Arial asked as she brushed your hair “I’ll like to keep it open” You smiled at her. She brushed your hair as you sat straight while the other maid did your makeup. Your back ached from sitting so long but you had to look prettiest since you were the princess of the strongest kingdom. “All done princess” Arial smiles as she helps you stand up and fixes your dress “Duke Kim would be speechless after seeing you” She said while giggling making you blush. You looked at yourself in the mirror as you eyed yourself. The blueish-white gown with a golden embroidered waist as ends of the gown sat comfortably on the floor. You picked the crown that you were given by your mother when you were born and placed it on your head “I think we should go now” “Sure princess” Arial said as she bows to you before following you. 

As you reached the hall, everyone’s attention was turned to you. You smiled at everyone as you walked down the stairs. As you walked a few steps down, a very known hand was pushed in front of you. You looked at Taehyung and blushed before placing your hand in his’s as he wraps his fingers around it as he helps you walk downstairs. You reached the last step as taehyung wraps his free hand around your waist before walking you to your parents. You hugged both your parents before taking your place beside Taehyung. “You look so pretty, my daughter” Your mother said making you smile “She grew up so quickly” Your father said as he eyed you emotionally making you look at him with softness “Appa” You whispered as you hugged him “Aww, look at the father-daughter duo, they don’t care for us” You brother Hoseok said with a pout while the other five brothers nodded “She doesn’t love us anymore” Your another brother, Jungkook said as he sulked “Oppa, you know it’s not true” You denied with a smile making your oldest brother huff “I still don’t get my hug” He pouted making you look at him “Oppa, you are too old to act childish” “Yah!” He screamed making all of you laugh “Come here all of you” You spread your arms as all six of them came to you and you all did a tight group hug. “Ok, now take your seats, I have an announcement before we start” Your father said as you all obeyed. You sat on your seat which was in front of Taehyung. Either side of you sat your brothers making you feel comfortable but in front of you, Taehyung sat surrounded by unknown women making you jealous but you remained silent. “Thank you, everyone, for your presence here” Your father started “Today, I have organised this ball as a celebration of an upcoming announcement” Your father looked at you while smiling before saying “Today, I, the king of Anotle announce my daughter’s marriage with one and only Duke Kim” Everyone clapped at the fruitful announcement making you blush “One week from today, the marriage will be held and I invite you all, please show your blessings to the to-be-husband-wife” You didn’t dare to lift your head cause you knew everyone must be looking at you

——————

Throughout the dinner, you didn’t look up from the table as you felt too shy. You could feel Taehyung’s stare at you making you feel giggly. “Princess” You looked at the voice as you see the prince of Xylem, Kiven. “Prince Kiven” You smiled at him. He took your hand in his before placing a kiss on its back. You were not fond of someone kissing your hand except your family or Taehyung but you ignored it “Princess if you don’t mind, may I have a dance with you?” You wanted to deny but the image of Taehyung sitting with women made you agree. You walked down to the centre of the hall as Kevin placed his hand on your waist, you wrapped your hand around his shoulder while his free hand held yours. “How do you feel princess? You are going to get married” He said as he grips your waist tighter “W-what do you m-mean, prince?” You shuttered, taken back at his words “I mean, you are getting married to the well-known Duke” He smirked “I mean, every woman here wants to be in your place and can do anything for him. I think you know that already” He said as he smiled viciously. You gulped visibly “You don’t deserve a man like him, princess” He whispered in your ear as he pulled you near him “You need a man who will take care of you, hold you and……pleasure you” He said as he placed his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent “Just like me” He whispered as he licked your neck. Your eyes suddenly came in contact with Taehyung’s.

#taehyung smut #taehyung scenarios #idol taehyung #taehyung x reader #taehyung x you #taehyung x y/n #taehyung fanfic #kim taehyung smut #taehyung #taehyung fic #bangtan smut #bangtan x you #bts fanfic #v x you #v scenario #v x reader #bangtan #bts #v fanfics

[swmeltem]

My love😍🐈‍⬛

#suga #agust d #yoongi #jungkook #bangta boys #bangtan sonyeondan #kpop #idol #bts #jimin #taehyung #seokjin #bangtan #agustd #namjoon #army #handsome #rapper #d day tour #love #haegum #run bts

[euphoricfilter]

hearts for dinner ~ drabble 1:

pairing: yandere! taehyung x demon! reader

genre: fluff || smut || non-idol au || established relationship || yandere au

summary: the lust of kim taehyung

tags/ warnings: he films her without her knowledge. smut in the forms of: phone sex/masturbation, cumming on thighs, fingering, mentioned oral, sort of cum play, first kisses!!

notes: takes place before the previous part :D

<- previous || where you can read my other stuff!!

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆.

the first time taehyung had invited you over to his house, it took every single cell of willpower to not lock the door and demand you move in with him that very second.

it had only been a couple of months since he’d asked you on your first date, seconds after meeting you enough for him to be entirely enamoured by your mere existence.

the pretty little dove he wanted to cage and keep to be cherished by his all consuming love for the rest of time.

there was only so many nights he could watch you through the camera he’d planted in one of the flower pots he’d given you before he was desperate to feel your flesh against his.

waiting for you to be tucked under the plethora of blankets on the bed before he’s snatching his phone off the desk, calling you.

he needed to be the last thought before you fell asleep, treading through your dreams, following you into the real world. he needed your mind as full of him, as his was of yours. needed you to understand the tight squeeze of his fragile heart every time he thought of you.

he needed your reason for life to be him, to want to breathe his air, touch him. he wanted the spiral of love, pulling the both of you so far into the black hole of raw desire to be the only thing that surrounds the both of you, as he moulds your very own paradise.

even on the nights you’d be sleepy as he calls, he can see the faint outline of a smile, barely there on your lips when you hear his voice.

and even on those nights it wouldn’t be hard to rile you up, smooth timbre of his voice ever so sweet as he tells you how pretty you are. how as he closed his eyes he could see the outline of your body, how much he wanted to mark you as his for the world to see.

teasing as you go quiet, hand palming his cock as he asks if you’re wet. if you’d be a good girl and press a finger through your folds, press a thumb over your clit.

he’d watch on the screen of the laptop, mound under the blanket where you’d slipped your hand into your panties.

he’d have to stave off his orgasm, always such a good thing for him. some nights you’d get a little hot, covers slipping onto the floor, and tae wouldn’t be able to help the ropes of cum that paint your face on the laptop screen at the little peek of your pretty little pussy, the perfect treasure taunting him.

you’d always been so shy, so to have you wriggling beneath the sheets as he tells you how to pleasure yourself made his heart soar, cock throbbing with the incessant want to cum between your walls, the rawest form of claim.

the night of your first kiss— that wonderful day you’d finally come over to his place, will forever be ingrained in his mind. how red your cheeks had been, ever so flustered. fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt as you blurt out your admission of never having kissed anyone before.

so unsure of yourself he was convinced he wouldn’t last the night with you sat in his bed, a vulnerable little thing.

“it’s okay, pretty” his thumb had brushed down your cheek, gentle reassurance. caramel sweet words soothing the sheer panic you’d felt.

there had been a quiver in your fingers as he leaned forward, eyes squeezed tight as his lips brushed over yours. the briefest little kiss, teasing you.

you’d chased after him, desperate for more. pressing a soft peck to his lips.

he hadn’t known you’d get so excited, hand shoved between your thighs as you try to relieve some of the growing arousal.

“oh sweet thing” he’d crooned, hands holding both your cheeks as he’d kissed you, tongue pressing into your mouth.

he remembers how you’d rubbed your poor little cunt on his thigh, how you’d admitted no one’s ever touched you before.

you’d watched as he’d tugged your panties down, showing you how to play with yourself. his fingers spreading your folds, thumb slipping into you.

the first time you moaned his name, he came over your thighs, slapping the head over your cunt to watch his seed mix with your arousal pushing it into you afterwards, making you push it all back out only to make you swallow it after.

it didn’t take much to convince you to stay over his house after that, tucked away sleeping in his bed with his head between your thighs, or your hand wrapped around his cock.

because taehyung knew you were perfect, your own version of love slowly forming into the raw sort of need that he had for you. your souls slowly becoming one, with every moment you spent together. because you even met in your dreams.

your life, be it awake or in the world of dreams, taehyung had taught you his way how to love.

#bts fanfic #bts fluff #bts smut #bts #bts x reader #taehyung #kim taehyung #taehyung fic #bts fic #taehyung x reader #taehyung smut #taehyung imagine #bts imagines #taehyung scenarios #taehyung x you #kim taehyung imagine #kim taehyung x reader #kim taehyung fluff #bts non idol au

[tkvkfanfics]

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓

!!! CHAPTER 3

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ ↝ Taehyung was painfully aware of the truth; life was never free. Every decision he made had a consequence, and it seemed clear what price he would have to pay if someone got to know about the true character of his and Jungkook's relationship. However, he had come this far and there was no turning back or throwing it away. Sadly, he wasn't too brave either.

↝ Taehyung's and Jungkook's relationship right under the nose of obviousness.

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢꜱ ↝ taekook, idol⥏ taehyung x idol⥏ jungkook ↝ idol⥏ taehyung x original male character ↝ straight namjoon ↝ namjin, idol⥏ namjoon x idol⥏ seokjin ↝ idol⥏ seokjin x original male character

ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢ ⥏ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ ↝ mature 18+ ↝ angst, homophobia, explicit sexual content, self-realisation

ᴛᴀɢꜱ ⥏ ɢᴇɴʀᴇ ↝ secret relationship, slow-burn, awkward first times, awkward romance, complicated friendships, taehyung forgets he should play a detective, ↝ idolsAU, BTS 2016

ꜱᴏᴜɴᴅᴛʀᴀᴄᴋ

ʀɪꜱᴋɪɴɢ ʟᴏᴠᴇ

Taehyung looked up from his bowl where his spoon was drowning the Chocolate Rings in the cold milk rather than scooping it up, when he heard the lazy steps dragging across the floor.

He and Jin’s pink apron tied up behind the man’s small waist, were the only ones yawning in the kitchen while the rain was drawing shadows on their faces before the powerful thunderbolt didn’t mark Taehyung’s frightened soul on the opposite wall.

“Morning,” grunted Hoseok and rubbed his right eye, smearing the mascara he forgot to wipe clean yesterday's night before going to bed. Although, looking at his pale frowning face, in Taehyung’s opinion, the black shadow could pretend to be a dark circle from not enough sleep without too much suspicion.

Taehyung’s mouth opened to push out the greet but it proved to be difficult to find his voice after not using it to fight the monsters in his dreams even in real life. So, instead a tired smile spread on his lips, dipping a dimple above his left cheek and he nodded shortly, sighing when Hoseok’s hand patted his back and squeezed his shoulder for support.

“Smells good,” Hoseok’s hoarse morning voice made an appearance again and this time Seokjin spun around on his heels quickly, facing his dongseangs with the raised spatula and a surprise lifting up his eyebrows.

“Hoba,” he breathed out after he recognised the man under his messy haircut and the blanket draped over his body, stomping unsurely behind the empty chair next to Taehyung. If Taehyung had the energy to let go of his spoon providing him the ground, he would pat the vacant seat, it was not like he was waiting for anyone. Jungkook usually wakes up ten minutes before they have to leave, long after their bellies are full and the toothpaste has started to dry around their mouth corners. And Jimin still isn’t talking to him.

So, instead, he just continued to watch the chair, hoping the gesture would be enough.

Most likely he zoned out while running his eyes over the seat cushion tied up to the legs of the chair by the simple strings, because the next time he blinked, the same chair was pulled away, dragged over the floor on its two back legs, and Hoseok sank into the soft pillow with a heavy huff, pushing the chair closer to the edge of the table while boring his heels into the parquets. Just as the back legs met the floor again with a well-known thud, the plate, with the deliciously sizzling bacon in its juices, that Jin was turning on his pan not even a second ago, and a bread, made a loud ringing sound when Hoseok put it down in front of himself, digging into the food right away, seemingly not caring the fatness would wrap over the figure he has been so hard working on.

“Eat well, hyung,” mumbled Taehyung, unexpectedly discovering his voice just behind his teeth.

“Hm?’ Hoseok looked at him mid-bite, the yellow fat was freely dripping down his chin and Taehyung had to look away as his crying stomach started to sing serenades blending with hunger pangs hitting against his abdomen walls, ‘Oh, eat well too, Tae,” responded Hoseok, his gaze fixed on Taehyung’s poor bowl of milk where his favourite Chocolate Rings were so soaked they were the whole two sizes bigger than usually, floating on the white surface and on his spoon.

Taehyung pursed his lips and opened them again in a smack and sent a low, “Thank you,” towards the man sitting next to him, who was too busy in a dreamland of salt and unhealthy food again, while Taehyung continued to fight the betrayers in his path of diet.

They continued in their shared melody of clinging utensils and slurping mouths whilst Jin was stirring the soup in the pot, his hands searching clumsily for spices from time to time, until, all three of them this time, didn’t turn around when another tap tap of slippers fell on their ears.

Leaning against the sofa where Taehyung watched Cha Dohyun on the television going through the emotional character changes the yesterday night, stood Jungkook. With eyes glued by sleep and cheeks puffy from the snores he kept blowing the whole night, he was waving with his arms around himself, preferably trying to grasp onto something that would provide him stable support under his wobbly knees. How he managed to pull the T-shirt over his head, even if the fabric looked wrinkly and loose in some places, and button up his jeans, even if his underwear was showing high above the hem, was a mystery to Taehyung, because despite one sock missing at the second one was inside out, pulled over his foot, he looked more ready than Hoseok whose pyjamas sleeve was showing under the blanket.

Taehyung once again searched for Jungkook’s face, noting the adorable pout pulling on his mouth, but lack of the anger from the previous night, when their eyes met shortly. Instead, he blinked twice, as if wishing him a lovely morning. Taehyung stared at how his eyelashes grazed his cheeks for the second time and a clear tear flew from the delicate hair, falling somewhere on the floor as an invisible drop. Taehyung blinked back, saying, ‘Welcome, love’.

“Jungkookie,” Jin stretched out the last syllable of his name, turning around fully and tilting the pan his hand, in an oven glove, was holding by the handle, until the swell of his bicep didn’t grow, showing the same curled bacon that was on its best way to disappear from Hoseok’s plate.

Taehyung wanted to laugh, but his lungs felt too empty and his abdomen muscles weak, when Jungkook’s nose scrunched up, only this time not from amusement but from disgust as he watched the juices gathering in the dip of the pan. Jungkook shook his head, his knitted eyebrows had never relaxed, and he crossed the imaginary threshold diving into the living room space and their kitchen, accompanied by Jin’s scoff of disbelief.

Taehyung followed the back of Jungkook’s head, chuckling over the state of his hair that he felt a need to ruffle in love and mischief, or comb it with his fingers until it didn’t lay flat and styled against his scalp, or until its scent didn’t linger on Taehyung’s skin.

Jungkook reached out over the kitchen counter where Taehyung left the box of cereals and pulled the package closer to himself. Taehyung waited until he would stand on his toes to open up the cabinets hiding their porcelain or plastic bowls, but instead, Jungkook’s hand disappeared in the box of Taehyung’s favourite Chocolate Rings up to his elbow. He could hear the muffled rattling as the pieces collided with each other or hit the paper walls, and soon after, Jungkook pulled his hand back out, crushing the chocolate cereals in his fist. While Taehyung this time could help the laugh baring his teeth, Jin smacked the back of Jungkook’s neck with the kitchen cloth that usually hung up over the oven, when Jungkook brought the hand to his mouth and stuck it up until his cheeks weren’t so big they could compete against a hamster’s.

“Ow,” moaned Jungkook and looked behind his shoulder with a frown, glaring at the offending cloth still swaying in Jin’s hand, now touching his hip. However, he must have heard Taehyung’s chuckle too, as he ignored the eye roll Jin was eyeing him with and turned his whole body until his backside wasn’t pushing against the handle of the kitchen counter. Jungkook’s eyes were travelling up and down Taehyung’s face, and if Taehyung knew him enough, they were counting his moles. When they finally stopped just a millimetre below his cupid bow, Taehyung gulped, and the action didn’t go unnoticed by Jungkook’s gaze. He bit his bottom lip and pulled an eyebrow over his squinting eyes up. Taehyung didn’t know if he was blushing because of the expression or because he knew what was Jungkook thinking about. There wasn’t a day they haven’t started with a sweet good morning peck of their lips, no matter if they woke up with the marks of the same pillows or mattress imprinted on their skin, or if Taehyung hurriedly closed the door of the bathroom where Jungkook was splashing water over his face.

He had to physically stop his leg from bouncing, ready to drag him perhaps in the shadows of the narrow corridor, where he was sure Jungkook would follow him. Only, maybe he was shaking with anticipation and desire just inside, as he stayed seated and calmly watched Jungkook taking step after step until he wasn’t standing behind the chair on the opposite side not only of the table but Taehyung too, all while Hoseok continued to lick his fingers, undisturbed. Taehyung rather avoided Jin’s back moving in front of the stove.

It looked like Jungkook had woken up early today only to pull some surprises from his sleeve for Taehyung. His hands encircled the backrest of the chair, but instead of just sitting on it as Hoseok had done not even ten minutes ago, he lifted it up against his chest; wrapping his arms around the wood until his forearms weren’t touching, as if the weight of the furniture was breaking his back, but Taehyung was sure he was only trying to be funny, and, carrying it around the table, he let the chair fall next to Taehyung’s empty side. Taehyung noticed how the middle of the seat was pushing against the table's leg, making it uncomfortable for whoever sat there. However, Jungkook didn't seem to mind; he barely flinched when his knee hit the hard surface as he settled down.

Strangely enough, or maybe not that much as Taehyung was too lost breathing in the flowery fragrance of Jungkook’s new perfume, while his head started to spin, it was Hoseok who mentioned the new arrangements of their kitchen chairs, “Do you like to watch the rain, Jungkookie?”

“Huh?” the question snapped the tension only Jungkook’s and Taehyung’s eyes were following, sending them both back to reality where the rain’s path and the loud crash of the storm weren’t just a romantic background playing in Taehyung’s mind, but a roaring presence enhancing the guilty of their faces.

Taehyung hid his blushing cheeks in his breakfast, hoping the white of his milk could make the hot redness more faded pink, while trying to ignore Jungkook’s elbow poking his arm every time it slid across the table when the weight of his head resting on the back of his hand became too much.

Hoseok stood up, Taehyung could hear and feel his leaving presence. He lifted up his eyelids and stuck his eyes on Hoseok’s retreating back, coming to a halt just a step before his toes could have tripped over the edge of the rug under the sink, and he placed his plate under the stream of hot water emitting steam and breaking through the grease. Just as he reached for the sponge, Jin placed the spatula and the pan on top of the dirty dishes, prompting Hoseok to groan and Jin to argue back.

Seeming the distraction, Jungkook leaned in, Taehyung’s pulse picked up speed when he felt his breath grazing his neck, and he whispered, “I hoped to find Jin hyung here alone.”

Taehyung could feel his lips pouting and brows frowning. Keeping his gaze on the arguing duo and the shaking pot lid over the bubbling boiling soup, he mumbled back, barely opening his mouth, “Why?”

Jin suddenly noticed the rattling of the pot and he hurried up to turn down the flame before the foam started to spill past the edge, leaving Hoseok who seemed to be occupied by the tiny letters on the wet sticker placed over the dishwasher, alone by the sink. Hoseok turned around to place the bottle under the bright light, and when his eyes fell on Jungkook, the boy stretched out his hand and wrapped his fingers around Taehyung’s spoon. Soon his favourite Chocolate Rings were swimming in their dissolved mushy state inside Jungkook’s mouth.

Hoseok turned back around and as soon as the faucet squeaked before the water began to fall again, Jungkook ripped the spoon out from the bite of his teeth and let it drown in Taehyung’s bowl. “I wanted to talk to him if we could see Hyungu-ssi,” he muttered with a voice still thick with milk, before he stuck out his tongue and his face twisted in a grimace. “Gross.”

Taehyung’s eyes bulged in disbelief and his jaw dropped open in shock as a gasp escaped his mouth without warning. He quickly slapped one hand over it in shame.

Taehyung was almost too astonished to speak, trying unsuccessfully to process the fact that Jungkook had suddenly changed his mind and agreed to seek others' help when he stormed out of the living room with a fume leaving his nostrils before Cha Dohyun's inner monologue could have come to a resolution. Hadn't he been so strongly against the idea just a night ago?

“What has changed?” Taehyung spoke his mind aloud, a part of him couldn't help but feel suspicious.

Jungkook took a breath in and turned his head to face him, before he sighed, “I hate to fight with you.”

While it wasn’t anywhere close to ‘I was wrong, you were right, I am sorry’ and his stubbornness was most likely kept dormant for the time being, the raw emotion in Jungkook’s eyes still seemed to pierce through Taehyung’s upset soul with honesty and affection. It melted Taehyung’s barriers and showed him a new perspective on how to approach the situation.

“Only if you want.” Taehyung dared to reach out his hand and caress the bumps of Jungkook’s knuckles, despite the danger that had taken the form of their sleepy bandmate battling against his worst enemy, the dirt. 

დ

A palm slammed against the flat button of the radio, repeating the tones of the same song for the whole day, and Taehyung’s eyes snapped open, breaking from the concentration that was trying to combine the memorized steps with the right counting, he found his own self staring at him from the glass of the wall-length mirror. He didn’t notice when his eyes had closed, but it was nothing uncommon for him, when he was focusing hard on his steps, trying to eliminate all the possible distractions, where his own body moving in the mirror was definitely one.

He looked above his shoulder, his knees were still bent in mid-step, while his hands posing in front of his face started to shake, and his sight fell on the man behind him, standing by the small, square table on its short legs, pressing on the springy disc tray with his fingers until it didn’t bounce open, revealing the still spinning CD inside. Taehyung’s eyebrow raised up.

“Taehyung-ah,’ sighed Hoseok as his gaze ran between the slowing-down disc and Taehyung’s figure trembling on his legs, ‘I know you want to get it done but it is getting late,” he reasoned and lifted his hand again to pick up the CD. He held it between his thumb and middle finger, high in the air, squinting if he saw some scratches on the shiny surface between the rainbow the light had drawn there, before he pushed it inside the case with a soft clicking sound.

Taehyung's arms drooped to his sides, hanging there limply, and he started to feel the full effects of standing still for so long. His knees quivered, his energy draining, yet he refused to surrender and collapse into himself. Despite the heavy exhaustion that was quickly settling, all the mental fantasies of allowing his spasming calves and tensed tights to relax in one long exhale, had to be put on hold.  

“Hyung,’ he dragged his legs towards where Hoseok was standing, closing his eyes when the impact of his foot hitting the floor broke one blister filling with liquid at the bottom of his sole, ‘you can go home, you look,’ he pulled an eyebrow up at the hollowness of Hoseok’s cheeks, ‘pretty hungry, but me, I need to do this,” his hand reached out and took the clear plastic box from Hoseok’s loose fingers. “I swear I am almost there!” his voice jumped and danced over the tones of encouragement while he shook the CD case in front of Hoseok’s eyes, trying to come off enthusiastically, despite his dropping mouth corners and tiredness that made his eyes look rather dull.

The truth was, he knew he had already won by the time he refused to call it a day, regardless of the dropping bodies and hands packing up the bags around him. And Hoseok's attempt to talk him out of it was no more than an act of politeness. He would say the shake of the head was anticipated. They all knew in their hearts what they were doing was wrong, pushing their bodies mercilessly towards their limits. But what could they do when the simple praise and the mere approval felt like it was worth all the torment and collapse?

Hoseok sighed, looking at Taehyung through the see-through case. His fingers wrapped around Taehyung’s wrist and travelled lower towards his palm until they weren’t covering the entire surface of the flat plastic box. He took the CD out, watching it for imperfection out of habit in the brightest light, before he put it inside the player.

“Just... don’t be here for too long,” he let the air out, speaking out yet another gesture of politeness.

“I won’t,” Taehyung nodded a promise and a big relief sent his heart towards the calmer journey against his ribcage when Hoseok turned on a heel, facing the door. The tips of his shoes stopped a centimetre before the gap above the threshold and he threw the last glance behind his shoulder. Taehyung quickly drew a smile on his lips and raised his thumbs, the tips of his fingers, pointing up, perfectly copying the way his lips corners were raising his cheeks. Hoseok placed his hands on the handle and with one slight push, the door opened, revealing the dimly, compared to the practice room, lit hallway and Jungkook, leaning against the surface, who as soon as the door creaked in the hinges, jumped away, nearly hitting the opposite wall, and his cheeks flushed a deep red.

Looking at Jungkook’s guilty blushing face, the way his gaze fell from the surprised Hoseok standing with hands high above his body and Taehyung, whose finger was hovering above the radio button, Taehyung felt a need to put his face in his palms and shake his head. “Jungko-”

“Hyung, I, uh,’ Jungkook blinked and quickly looked straight at Hoseok, ‘I was just... um,’ he scratched the back of his neck before his eyes grew wide with a sparkle of an idea, ‘checking if I left my phone here, you know?” as he stammered through his explanation, Hoseok's gaze fell to his second hand that was trembling by his tight. Taehyung heard himself groan and his fingers touched the sides of his head, pushing on the skin until it didn’t wrinkle in the middle.

Both of them noticed a small, rectangular device peeking out from behind Jungkook's slender fingers. The realization must have dawned on Hoseok as he observed the phone's screen faintly glowing around Jungkook’s shoes.

Hoseok couldn't help but raise an amused eyebrow as he caught Jungkook red-handed. He glanced at the phone, then back at Jungkook, and a mischievous grin tugged at the corners of his lips. It was evident that Jungkook's excuse about searching for his phone had crumbled under the weight of his own excuses and lies.

He decided to play along for a moment, his tone teasing yet kind, “Jungkook-ah,’ Hoseok said, his voice laced with amusement, ‘I think I found your phone,” with a barely contained chuckle, he nodded toward the device, still hidden in Jungkook's shaking hand, watching with satisfaction how his face turned an even deeper shade of red. Then he took one step towards the embarrassed boy, patted his chest and disappeared behind the barrier of the opened door.

Taehyung could hear his retreating steps, slowly fading inside the dead corners of their company building and without taking a single breath, he stared right at Jungkook, whose eyes were following Hoseok's back. Only when Jungkook turned his head, meeting Taehyung's panicked gaze, he pushed from the small table preventing his mortification from spreading not only inside but also outside, visible on his skin, and, hissing with every blister that leaked the liquid, he ran towards Jungkook's figure standing one foot in the hallway and the second inside the studio. He reached for his forearm and pulled him inside, kicking the door close behind their backs.

"Phone?!' he found himself half shouting half whispering, 'Really?" Taehyung tugged at his own hair, tangling up his fingers between the strands, he cried out, "Not only Namjoon hyung, but also Hoseok hyung now?" His head suddenly felt too heavy standing on his neck, he whimpered and leaned forward, finding comfort in the middle of Jungkook's chest, smelling the sweat that seeped through the wool of his T-shirt. As he eyed the never-forgotten device still in Jungkook's hand, his intrusive thoughts whispered to him to throw it against the wall, or maybe the red mark against Jungkook's forehead wouldn't look so bad. He shook his head, clearing his mind.

"Tae hyung,' Jungkook began, letting his sweaty hand fly to the back of Taehyung's neck and he squeezed the soft skin there, 'I don't think hyung knows something," he tried to reassure him, but the strength of his digits boring into Taehyung's muscles felt hardly comforting. Taehyung wriggled away from him.

"Oh, please,' raising a finger in front of Jungkook's mouth 'he definitely does! Haven't you seen how he's been looking at us?" Taehyung rolled his eyes.

"At me,' Jungkook corrected him, placing a palm over his index finger, 'he was looking only at me. You are starting to become paranoid, hyung." Jungkook pursed his lips and as he pushed on the raised finger his palm was slightly touching, it bent with a snap in Taehyung's knuckle, for sure leaving a nail mark in the soft flesh.

"And you are way too chill about it,' scoffed Taehyung, their morning conversation coming in bits back to the front of his memory, 'I thought we were here to talk about it and not argue again," he noted, glancing around the empty practice room. Its quietness and brightness making the emptiness that much more noticeable. It might have been the tension that never seemed to leave or the suspense of what the night might bring that caused Taehyung to feel as if he had never been alone, surrounded by the lengthy mirrors and his reflection.

"Yeah, you are right,' sighed Jungkook, following Taehyung's gaze, 'So, where is Jin hyung?" he asked, yet his tone was lacking curiosity. He set his eyes on the same emptiness that was teasing Taehyung's mind, breaking the clock and spreading around them like forever.

With one sharp inhale, Taehyung felt the air shifting in a blink of an eye. One moment, his hand felt warm under Jungkook's palm and the very next, the same hot palms were tugging at the fabric of his practice T-shirt, pulling it out the hem of his sweatpants, the blunt nails fighting for life to get hold of the weak threads, and with the sound of a tear, Taehyung's mouth opened with a breathy gasp choking the air in his throat when the overpowering heat pressed on his exposed back, seeping through his pores and muscle to his spine. He bent in his waist, opening his shoulders and his head lay back exposing his neck where his Adam's apple was already busy bobbing the throaty whines and moans.

"What are you..." he pushed through the heavy cotton set on his tongue when the wet lips attached over the vein, raising next to his pulsing point.

"The same,' Jungkook sucked the skin in and Taehyung found himself turning off all the alarms, going crazy about how to be careful, when the sharp teeth grazed the sensitive spot, 'Jin hyung is doing. Why else he wouldn't be here?" The tongue licked over the throbbing bite, pressing one kiss after another up Taehyung's neck until the hardness of his jawbone didn't stop him.

"This is not-ah,' Taehyung could feel the blood rushing to his face because of the sound leaving his mouth when the hands massaging his lower back travelled up and, spreading the fingers wide until the thumbs weren't reaching past his sides, they stopped right over his ribcage and pressed under the swell of his chest muscles, 'This is not a competition, Kook-ah," despite his words, his back arched, chest pressing onto the soft balls of Jungkook's fingertips. He enjoyed the feeling of hands moving in circles under his T-shirt more than he should have for someone with arguments, full of logical protests, on his tongue. But even these words left his throat unvoiced as they were gulped down by Jungkook's mouth suddenly over his.

"Kook," sighed Taehyung into the kiss, changing the complaints into the sound of Jungkook's name.

"Tae."

Jungkook's hands stopped moving, they were just resting close to his heart, while Taehyung's mind became blank with anything but the plush lips swelling his own.

However, the excitement, bubbling down in the pit of his stomach, as the simple path of the kiss, the one he could navigate on even with his eyes closed, soon evolved into something else. It was no longer a delicate dance of warmth and softness. He could taste the faint sweetness of Jungkook's lip balm rolling as a wax at the back of his teeth as he bit down on his lips, and feel the warmth of Jungkook's breath against his cheek, pushing out the sounds he had only dreamed to hear. It was like a blend of anticipation and a deep connection, leaving him breathless and wanting more. The kiss turned his blood into the hot fluid of fever, suddenly filling every pathetic cell of his body with awoken passion, rushing into his pliant limbs and leaving him surprisingly needy. Taehyung's eyes grew wide over the realization and his body became painfully aware of the elastic of his sweatpants pressing under his stomach. He blushed deep to the roots of his hair and before Jungkook's hips could have slammed against his, in an innocent effort to get their bodies closer, he put his hands between Jungkook's chest and his.

"Stop," he mumbled, pressing against the muscles under his palms, only to whine in desperation over the strength and sturdiness as Jungkook didn't even budge in a lost balance. "Jungkook, please," he begged more urgently, closing his hands until there weren't his fists pushing the body away from his.

"Why?' breathed out Jungkook and leaned his forehead against Taehyung's, his words were falling in a hot gush of air over Taehyung's parted lips, 'You like it."

Taehyung could feel his whole body freezing. He was close to trembling from the cold as all the heat seeped out from his core as the mortification swirled down the hollow tubes, the burning passion left behind.

He glanced at Jungkook, 'Did he notice?'.

"Yeah, and that is the problem."

Taehyung turned around, his back tensed and curved as if to hide from the world. Jungkook's hands slipped from under his T-shirt, letting it fall over his body again. He hugged himself tightly, rocking on his heels with his head bowed.

"Hyung?"

"Uh, I... um, I am shy. We haven't discussed...' Taehyung could feel himself getting flustered, 'this, yet. And..." he looked around the room again, only this time, the emptiness seemed to be closing in on him. His own pink, sweaty face, peering back from every angle, was reflecting the same fear and embarrassment tingling on his nerves. "We are in public."

"But-"

"Jesus Christ, Jungkook-ah,' exclaimed Taehyung, throwing his hands in the air before he hid the shame behind his fingers, 'I am embarrassed, okay? Can you... let it be?" his voice was bouncing from the walls and shaking the mirrors.

He didn't want to cry, spilling tears from nervousness and shyness was just humiliating. But as his eyelashes brushed past his cheeks, he felt the wetness smearing behind his eyelids. He pressed them tightly together, trying hard to hold back the chaos of his emotions from leaking. He threw his head back, letting the light from the chandelier brighten his skin, the thoughts of gravitation pulling his tears down almost made him laugh.

"Why are you crying?" asked Jungkook bluntly with a hint of panic in his voice. Taehyung could feel his presence hovering somewhere close, only a worry holding him back.

"Nothing,' Taehyung mumbled, 'I don't know, I am stupid," the second wave of embarrassment screwed his muscled together in a grimace while he pulled the moment from his memory out, repeating it over and over again in his mind.

"No."

Taehyung had almost given in, his eyes close to opening so he could see the pout that for sure was pulling on Jungkook's lips. Instead, he just scoffed; of course, Jungkook would disagree with whatever attempt to bring himself down.

"Why are you crying?' pressed Jungkook, 'Did I do something wrong?"

Taehyung groaned. His head fell down with a bounce, his chin nearly hitting his chest, but the muscles at the back of his neck felt too tight.

Taehyung slowly turned towards the boy behind him, showing him his red teary eyes and glowing cheeks of the same colour. "You did nothing wrong,' he spoke to the mole at the tip of his nose, 'I am just overwhelmed, that's it." He allowed himself to glace up to meet the dark eyes running up and down his face as if they were trying to bring together the individual letters of his words and twist them into some other meaning. "Uhh... Why are you like this?"

"Jungkook,' he said firmly, only to wonder where the sudden spurt of confidence was coming from when he was shrinking away the more he spoke, 'I got excited, like too excited. I got,' he pushed his voice down barely above the whisper, 'hard, okay?"

Taehyung couldn't believe what his mouth was speaking, around what confessions his tongue was wrapping around. His fingers found the hem of his T-shirt and pulled it down, stretching the poor fabric over his legs, that used to just slightly touch the top of his pants pockets, until it didn't warn to tear.

He struggled to understand his inner turmoil, he remembered himself in a similar, but oh so different, situation a few months ago, when his unmistakable arousal wasn't a problem. It rather led him on his path of self-exploration and self-discovery. However, with Jungkook, he didn't feel the same eagerness to explore. Instead, he longed to be fully prepared and ready for whatever might unfold between them. The desire to savour the moment and ensure it had taken over the impulsive curiosity that had driven him before. The only problem was, he didn't know what he was doing.

"Yeah, I know," Jungkook said simply, even going as far as stretching his lips into a small smile, his eyes fixed on Taehyung's trembling fingers holding the fabric of his top as if his life depended on it; which, after listening to Jungkook's revelation, might have.

"Someone, just kill me, please," cried out Taehyung, looking up as if he could see there whoever he was begging to.

"Hyung, no, hyung,' Jungkook choked out a laugh, he reached forward, trying to get a hold of Taehyung's arm, but another wave of laughter sent him leaning forward and instead, he placed his hands over his bent knees, 'It's alright. There's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"What do you mean, of course, there is!" whined Taehyung, the level of the mortification in his blood was increasing with every Jungkook's word, the poison in his organism bringing his decency to his death bed.

"No, hyung, I mean...' Jungkook cleared his throat before continuing, 'I got hard too." At least he had enough shame to blush.

It was the spur of the moment, or perhaps an instinctive reaction. Taehyung couldn’t even blame it on an invisible strength falling on the back of his head and pushing it down against his will, as it dropped, following the movement of his curious eyes, moving with all the consciousness along the creases of Jungkook’s practice T-shirt, watching the loose threads tangling into the chaos at the bottom of his shorts strings and stopped right in the middle where the swell of his crotch was still visible against the fabric. He gulped visibly. 

“Are we interrupting?” There was a lack of knock on the door, or maybe Taehyung just didn’t hear it, staring shamelessly at the prominent bulge under the layers.

Taehyung’s eyes snapped up, looking distractedly around himself and above Jungkook’s shoulder, the door from their practice room was pushing against the next wall again.

Jin was standing in the narrow space of the doorway, casually leaning against the smelly metallic frame, with one hand placed under his chin, emphasizing his curiosity, and the second one disappearing behind him in the darkness of the hallway, as the movement-sensitive sensors, casting a light over everyone’s step, were dormant. He tilted his head when Taehyung’s mouth opened, lapping in the emptiness of words.

“We are not too late, are we?”Jin put a confident smile on his lips, shrugging off whatever confused expression Taehyung and Jungkook drew on their faces, and he stepped inside, pulling his boyfriend out of the darkness with him.

As soon as the lamp light fell on Hyungu’s face, the man pursed is lips in something resembling a shy smile, his gaze falling from Jungkook, standing with his back straight as a ruler and hands proudly put on his lips, and Taehyung, who resembled more an animal caught on the headlights. Even his cheeks were shining the same colour as the animal’s coat when the car’s reflectors threw their lights on them on a deserted road. Taehyung couldn’t help but wonder, how much they heard, hitting their ears from behind the door, but judging by the way Hyungu bowed his head in what seemed to be an almost apologetic gesture, Taehyung wished the car’s front could hit him, imprinting the shape of the metallic bars of the car grille into his skull forever.

As Hyungu took one last step and stood right by Jin’s hip, not letting go of his hand, Jungkook cleared his throat, before the stranger man could say something, and looked down at his feet, his timid nature always coming out in front of the people he didn’t know, and Taehyung thought, Hyungu’s intimidating aura wasn’t helping it at all. He remembered his own head screaming at him to find a place to hide when he saw the man for the first time. But the barriers of tensed muscles, not giving off much of his emotions, melted down as soon as the Christmas carols started to play above their head and he took the first sip of his drink. Taehyung liked to return back to that late evening inside the vacant coffee shop from time to time.

“Sneaking out while everyone is watching me, as if they were waiting when will I make a mistake,’ Jin let his words fade in the silence of their breaths, loud, closed between four walls,’ became difficult,’ he continued, his shoulders dropped and Taehyung could sense the weight of trouble taking a toll on him, ‘but,’ a naughty sparkle glistened on the surface of his eyes, ‘it’s fun doing it right under Namjoon’s nose,” he laughed, failing to notice how Hyungu’s timid smile changed into something darker, but Taehyung was watching him, taking in the way his beard jerked as the muscles surrounding his mouth were not strong enough to hold back the sour expression tugging at his lips.

Hyungu turned his head, boring his gaze into Jin’s cheek, however, the younger man’s voice continued to grow hand in hand with his enthusiasm, “His red angry face makes me want to do it every day.”

Watching the sparkle of stubbornness grow into a mocking desire for adventure glowing from Jin’s trembling hands and the shadows darkening on Hyungu’s face, Taehyung felt the time freezing; each word falling from Jin’s tongue and each centimetre Hyungu’s eyebrows crossed to touch his eyelids, seemed to be moving slow, the tension was growing and he could feel the approaching argument.

“It’s all right,’ Taehyung cleared his throat, cutting Jin mid-inhale, ‘Namjoon hyung is the reason we wanted to talk to you tonight anyway,” he said cautiously, catching the pang of disappointment in Hyungu’s eyes, before he masked the embarrassment by gesturing towards Jungkook with his hand.

“Kim Namjoon?’ Hyungu spat the name with all the venom, and if Taehyung didn’t have a suspicion before, he certainly was sure now; locking Hyungu and Namjoon in one room could lead to fatal consequences, ‘Sooki told me,’ he eyed the man beside him, ‘this is a double date. What does he have to do with this?”

Hyungu’s eyes snapped up when he heard a giggle escaping Jungkook’s throat. Taehyung also followed Hyungu’s stare, tilting his head at the boy’s wavy smile and the way his shoulders were moving up and down, while his eyes were running over the room, “Double date?’ Jungkook repeated, ‘How anti-romantic Jin hyung have to be so you wouldn’t become sceptical when he dragged you here?”

“Yah-”

It was the second time this day, and probably also this hour, that Taehyung’s head moved suspiciously close to his palms. “Jungkookie,’ he hissed, his lips barely showing his clenched teeth, ‘you are being rude,” he began but was interrupted by a chuckle.

Taehyung looked up despite the awkwardness he could feel climbing up his neck and tinting his cheeks, only to find Hyungu already waving his hand and his voice jumping with laughter while he spoke, “It’s okay. Jungkook-ssi is actually right,” he shook his head and lifted his arm to hit Jin’s side with his elbow. Taehyung understood it as a playful gesture, so Hyungu’s next words confused him, “Sooki here has a whole book of romantic date ideas for your leader, but nothing for me,” the laughter dying in the hollows of his throat was raising goosebumps on his skin.

Taehyung started to think this was a bad idea. If he listened to Jungkook earlier, he wouldn’t be shifting on his feet nervously while running his eyes over the mirrors leading up to the small windows above them, and counting what would take him less time, jumping towards the door behind Jin’s wide back or climbing the walls to stick out the narrow space. What a bizarre thought. An apology was already on the tip of his tongue, despite not being familiar yet with its words and tones, while Jungkook kept struggling with self-awareness. He thought the sound of a hoarse hyung started to vibrate in the air, pushing in between the awkward tension, but Hyungu was quick to cover the unease, again with a wave of hand.

“I am only joking.”

He wasn’t, Taehyung wasn’t sure how he could tell, because Hyungu’s facial muscles looked soft and relaxed and a laugh was still bobbing by his Adam’s apple, it was the loudest sound cutting through what Taehyung understood as a nervous grinding of Jin’s teeth as the not so subtle meaning of his boyfriend’s words gnawed on him.

“So what about Kim Namjoon?” asked Hyungu again after the silence spread even into the darkest corner of the practice room.

Even if he his gaze was falling from Taehyung to Jungkook, Taehyung couldn’t not notice how his eyes kept returning to him sooner than he could blink in the ghost of Jungkook’s shyness. His stare lingering on his body felt weighty and he felt a need to say, to do something.

He noticed how they all were still standing, surrounded by the muddy footsteps on the shiny laminate on one side and the black lines of smudged scuffs on the other. He glanced towards the office chairs stuck one on the other, forming a wobbly tower, pushed to the wall with the polished whiteboard where the chaotic scheme of their dance routine was marked.

He motioned to the unstable tower, wrapping his fingers around Jungkook’s wrist and pulled him towards it, staying a step behind his back, saying, “We think he might know about Jungkookie and I,’ and before Hyungu could lift an eyebrow or before Jin’s tired sigh could resonate within his soul, he continued, taking a chair from Jungkook’s hands and placing it down, ‘It's hard to explain, but I noticed the way he looks at us sometimes. And he's been asking questions.”

He noticed how Jungkook stilled, balancing the second chair on its back legs. He looked up, searching for Taehyung’s eyes and then his lips wrapped around the words, “Questions?”

Taehyung felt suddenly foolish and guilt was feeding on his toes, he caught his bottom lip in the bite of his upper teeth. Not knowing what to do with his hands, he shoved them inside his sweatpants pockets, as if hiding his lies there. He didn’t know why he thought emphasizing his urgency for resolution with false statements, was a good idea. But it pushed a reaction out of the two men watching them uncertainly.

Taehyung expected to be met with a shared understanding coming out as a panic, so to say he was surprised and a little bit disappointed when Hyungu opened his mouth, would be an understatement, “Well, that’s easier then,’ he shrugged, taking the office chair a patting the seat before he sat down, crossing his ankles, ‘if he figured out, you don’t have to stress about all that awkward,’ Hyungu cleared his throat, dropping his voice that normally was grazing the higher tones; without doubt, trying to imitate the deep hues escaping Taehyung’s mouth, ‘Hyung, Jungkookie and I are dating’ talk.”

Taehyung found himself once again standing a step before a crossroad, staring at the parted roads and turning his head, trying to understand. He admired Hyungu for his kindness, positivity, and even his knack for finding humour in Jin's less-than-amusing jokes. However, he couldn't help but notice that Hyungu's approach to life's challenges seemed a bit too rushed if not hot-headed, as if he wanted to get them out of his way the sooner the better, never letting the feeling of hard work linger for too long. Taehyung couldn’t choose, he realized, he needed to build a new road, made up of the elements of the two already existing paths, merging them together.    

Taehyung looked down, hiding a sigh.

“He’s been asking me about you guys too.” Jin’s admittance only spurted a life inside Taehyung’s panic. His head turned to face Jin behind him, even if his body forgot how to move, but it struggled to reach further than past Hyungu comfortably leaning against the chair’s backrest that was lining up with Taehyung’s shoulder. There were thousands of words climbing up his throat, millions of short-cut questions searching not only for answers but also for reassurance.

“What is he saying?” he spoke aloud few of them, gesturing with his hands for support, even fully turning around to find Jungkook and cuddle against his chest.

His eyes followed Jin who took a step and stood in the middle of the circle made by four chairs. “You don’t have to worry, I have never revealed anything. He’s been asking for years.” Taehyung could feel his eyes growing wider at that, even the gentle caressing of Jungkook’s hands wrapped around his body stilled for a whole second, before the boy cleared his throat, “Years? But we are d-” he cut himself off, his breath, hitching next to Taehyung’s ear, reminded him of how he suddenly stopped speaking the same way when they were watching Cha Dohyun on their television yesterday’s night. “We’ve been… doing this,’ Jungkook said at least and Taehyung could hardly convince his heart that the guilt he was feeling didn’t hurt over the phrase, ‘only since December.”

Taehyung was entirely focused on Jin as he was stomping his feet before him, so he did not even notice what kind of reaction Hyungu had made. But then, Jin's gaze flickered between the two of them and Taehyung saw the older man subtly raise an eyebrow. He barely moved, it was almost like a faint nod, and Taehyung wondered if he had just imagined it.

“This is a bit embarrassing,’ Jin’s whisper sounded more like a warning, ‘but me and him, we used to… when we were still sharing a room,’ he seemed to be searching for the right words, ‘discuss about you two.”

Jungkook’s chest pressing against Taehyung’s back started moving as he was waiting for Jin to continue.

“About your bond, your chemistry,’ Jin’s hand found its way to the back of his neck, ‘you were never subtle,’ he took a sharp breath in before he released it with a chuckle, ‘Jungkook especially. We always wondered if your friendship would grow into something else one day.”

Jungkook’s chest behind him still felt tense and rigid and Taehyung didn’t have to strain his brain too hard to know what he was thinking. The confessions hardly leaving Jin’s mouth were true, Jungkook himself admitted it weeks ago, he had never tried to hide his feelings towards him. The old shame was lurking at Taehyung, sitting on one of three empty chairs.

“Do you think there’s nothing to be scared of?” asked Jungkook, leaning his chin on Taehyung's shoulder. “You think he's just playing along with your game?” he spoke in a casual tone, but Taehyung could feel the seriousness behind the words. Jungkook didn't sound angry or bitter, but he was clearly trying to make a point.

Taehyung took a deep breath, feeling the weight of Jungkook's chin on his shoulder. He knew what Jungkook was trying to do - to plant guilt in Jin's mind, so he would start to search for his conscience.

Taehyung refused to let that happen, he refused to let Jungkook's crankiness hurt Jin. After all, they also liked to gossip from time to time.

He turned his head slightly, catching Jungkook's gaze. “Jungkookie, stop,” he warned him.

Jin's voice pushed between their locked eyes, “I wouldn't be surprised if he did catch on to something. You still are not subtle,' Jin scoffed, 'But he didn't call for The Emergency Summit in a while,” he dared to let a laugh resonate in the room while referring to the urgent group meetings that used to be held in their old living room, on their old sofa.

“But how can you be sure?” Jungkook persisted, his breath hot on Taehyung's lips. “We don't know what he's thinking.”

“I can’t be sure, obv-”

“Why are you making such a big deal out of it?” All three of them turned towards Hyungu, who had remained quiet until this moment - maybe even a bit suspiciously, thought Taehyung. He seemed confused looking at them, arms crossed on his chest and one foot resting atop the other knee while his ankle was tapping gently along to a secret song. Taehyung wondered what was going on in Hyungu's head.

“Hyung, not now,” Jin tried to stop him.

“But Sooki,’ Hyungu raised his voice as if they couldn’t already hear him loud and clear in the silence that had spread among them, ‘they can’t be hiding forever.”

Taehyung glanced sideways when he caught a movement next to him and noticed how Jungkook lifted his chin and soon after he started to nod slowly in agreement. He looked at Hyungu again before Jungkook noticed him. He wasn’t in a mood for the ‘I told you!’ discussion.

“And we can’t too,” Hyungu kept talking, his other day's calm and gentle tone was gone, replaced by the zealous explanation. “We’ve been together for how long… and I am meeting,’ he pointed with his head towards them, ‘Jungkook -ssi only now. There are other three of your members that have no idea that I even exist,’ Hyungu’s right leg met the laminate with a thud; Taehyung watched how the dried mud stuck to his shoe’s sole broke and dispersed around his feet in a light brown cloud.

“Hyung,’ Taehyung's eyebrows arched in surprise, he had never heard Jin being as whiny as he was now, ‘we talked about this already. Introducing my members to you,' he swallowed and ran a hand through his hair before explaining, 'would eventually result in me coming out to the company. And that,' Jin's face crumpled as if a heavy weight was pressing down on his soul, 'that's one step closer to my family finding out. It's a' he paused, taking a deep breath before continuing, 'complicated situation. I’m not sure if it’s the right move. Not yet.”

Taehyung blinked in shock; it seemed he and Jin were on the same page of a problem. He reached out to place a hand on Jin's shoulder, squeezing it gently to get his attention, but also to bring him some comfort. Taehyung was taken aback, until now, during all the late dinners he had spent in Hyungu's apartment, Jin only expressed his frustration over their leader.

But then again, Taehyung thought, what did he know about Jin's struggles? Sure, they were both members of the same group, but that didn't mean they shared the same experiences or fears. Taehyung sighed, feeling the weight of the situation pressing down on him as well. There were fears, that he had not enough courage to do as little as think about them.

“We understand, hyung. Coming out is a personal decision, and only you can make it,’ Taehyung felt a need to comfort him, ‘But just know,’ he looked around, stretching his hand towards Jungkook who hadn’t moved from his position ever since Hyungu broke the silence minutes ago, only his mouth opened, as his jaw dropped in the shared surprise, and he forgot to close it, ‘we're all here for you, no matter what,” he whispered reassuringly once Jungkook’s fingers slipped in the gaps between his own.

Jin’s dark eyes bored into his, the expression in them seemed vulnerable for a little too long and then he smiled again, soft appreciation gracing his lips.

“So, what about Namjoon hyung?” Jungkook tried the waters when the vulnerability finally began to dry on Jin’s cheeks, his eyes no longer glistened with worry. Taehyung couldn’t tell if Jin’s fears were his own or if he still played Taehyung’s cards because Taehyung couldn’t, he wasn’t sure about the rules.

“I can talk to him if you want. If you are too scared yourself,” suggested Jin. “Something needs to be done. I can see it’s taking a toll on you,’ he sighed, ‘The hiding, I remember that,’ his eyes closed and he took a single inhale in, ‘vividly,” Jin exhaled.

“But wouldn’t that just urgent him about all this matter? Coming out to the company?” Jungkook's eyes dropped to their clasped hands and Taehyung knew he wanted to say more even before his shoulders and chest could have lifted. “I'm okay with Namjoon hyung knowing, I couldn’t care less.” He didn’t even try to squeeze Taehyung’s hand when it began to shake in his hold.  Taehyung thought Jungkook was a lot more empathetic than before, until… “But Bang PD-nim… I…” his voice was steady, it didn’t start to tremble; it was only Taehyung’s hand that seemed like it couldn’t stop from moving; yet, Jungkook's quickly shifting gaze from side to side revealed more than words could say. However, Taehyung’s legs didn’t move, he couldn't bring himself to step closer and comfort him in his emotional distress.

“We all are risking here, Jungkook-ah,” said Jin sternly and watched Jungkook's hand fall to his side.

დ

Taehyung had his back to the open door of his room, with the alluring smell of Jungkook's perfume still lingering on his T-shirt and the echoes of Jin's and Hyungu's quarrel, he had overheard before the door behind him and Jungkook could have closed, ringing in his ears as if they had only just stopped yelling.

He looked over at Namjoon, lying on his bed in silence, seemingly lost in thought. Not even the sound of Taehyung's slippers against the parquets seemed to break Namjoon's state of concentration. Despite the dark circles forming under his eyes from exhaustion and the swell of his eyelids, Namjoon's gaze was falling over the pages of the thick book lying open on his knees; Taehyung noticed the familiar green cover of the book poking out from beneath the worn out newspaper where it was wrapped in. That same book was in his hands the day before when Taehyung woke up sharing his bed with Jungkook. Namjoon’s bed was a mess of papers, pens and old notebooks scattered all over the blankets and pillows, some even pilling up by the bed's legs. He must have been deep in his work when the thought of an unfinished novel and its characters crept up and distracted him from his tasks.

Taehyung took a deep breath and cleared his throat, causing Namjoon to look up from his concentration. His eyes met with Taehyung's and his lips formed a small surprised O.

"Oh, Taehyung-ah,' he raised his hand to greet him, causing the cream-white page to bounce back as his big thumb was no longer holding it down, 'You are back. How was the practice?’ Namjoon’s eyes ran over the yellow stains from sweat tinting the pure-white cotton of his working-out T-shirt along its collar, hanging low and showing the muscles of his chest, and on the sleeves under his arms, ‘Hoseok hyung mentioned that you were staying.”

Taehyung forced a smile, noting how his cheeks ached and strained from the movement. His heart felt heavy with guilt as he kept staring into Namjoon's eyes awaiting an answer from him. He had told Hoseok that he was staying back for practice, and now, he was feeding the same lie to Namjoon. The weight of it clung to him, and he knew that he was slowly wrapping himself into the sticky web of untruths that would only become more difficult to unravel from his body one day. His smile might have hidden his true feelings, but the unease ran within him. “Yeah,’ he nodded slowly ‘I think I get it now.”

“That’s great,” Namjoon looked ready to return to his book, his finger was tapping over the word in the middle of the page which he must have read as last. If he noticed something odd about Taehyung’s behaviour, he said nothing, allowing Taehyung to take in the air full of relief.  “You were pretty stressed about the choreography, right?’ he continued nonchalantly, furrowing his brows when he looked back at the letters printed on the cream-white pages, ‘I wish I was such a quick learner as you are,” Namjoon sighed one last time, boring back between the lines.

“Um… ,” Taehyung didn’t know what to say, he didn’t want to lie any further. His hands were grasping the fabric of his sweatpants, giving up under his nails. “Can I come in?” only after the words were out, hitting not only the walls of the room but also Namjoon’s ears, he realised what he said. But it was too late.

Namjoon once again stuck his nose out from the story he was reading and Taehyung was sure if there were glasses sitting on its tip, he would adjust them until they were not fitting perfectly at the root of his nose bridge. “It’s your room too,” Namjoon pointed out.

“Oh, right.” Taehyung’s hand shot in the air and landed behind his ear, as if by scratching the soft skin there, he could handle the embarrassment creeping up his neck; currently as high as his jaw and chin.

Taehyung lifted his leg, bending his knee slowly, until the slipper hanging from his toes wasn't close to falling, and he walked inside, leaving the door behind him ajar. He slowly scanned around the room, as if he was expecting to find something there that he could quickly grab with his quivering hands. He noticed the pile of clothes lying at the end of his mattress. He guessed that Hoseok or somebody else must have placed it on his duvets after it dried up on the cloth rack, since he recognised the black T-shirt with a print he spent days searching for. Only now he recalled he had thrown it in the washing machine together with his other dirty laundry. He walked over to them with quick steps, picking up one shirt after another, folding them properly before placing them on the dresser. He noticed Namjoon’s gaze boring into him, it only added more to Taehyung’s red cheeks, and made his heart skip an extra beat while his hands trembled while zipping up the bag stuffed with his cosmetics. He was ready to head to the bathroom but Namjoon's voice stopped him, “Are you feeling well?”

The bag of faded baby blue colours, over-packed with face moisturizers and face masks, fell from his hands, dropping on the plastic that pretended to be wood under its light brown sticker. The dresser wiggled on its legs.

“Namjoon hyung,’ Taehyung was calling his name suddenly, ‘can I talk to you about something?“ He turned around on the soles of his slippers before this weird courage could leave him, staring at the crown of Namjoon’s head.

There must have been something in Taehyung's demeanour that seemed off, even beyond the surface lie about the practice, because Namjoon immediately pushed his book aside and sat up, leaning against the headboard of his bed, giving Taehyung his full attention.

“Of course, Tae. What’s on your mind?”Namjoon asked with a genuine concern in his voice.

Taehyung could feel himself hesitating for a moment, contemplating how to start. “It’s about relationships… within the group.” The weight of his unspoken secrets pressed on his chest, making it difficult to find the right words.

Namjoon had not even blinked as he listened to the careful choice of Taehyung's words. The mention of relationships within the group seemed to take him interest, “Something’s wrong? Was someone mean to you? Did you fight or-”

“No, no, nothing like that,’ Taehyung was quick to shake his head and wave his hands in disagreement, ‘We are as good as ever,” that seemed to bring a bit of comfort to Namjoon’s concern. “I meant…,’ with a deep breath and a light bite on his inner cheek, Taehyung began, ‘Well, you know, sometimes people in a group develop close relationships,’ he breathed out cautiously, noticing the old habit itching under his skin when his hand jerked involuntary towards his mouth, ‘They are more than just… friendships. You know how feelings can develop, and sometimes,’ Taehyung was aware of the saliva bubbling around his lips, he was blabbering, ‘it's hard to control them,” he mumbled nervously. Namjoon’s eyebrows furrowed as he slowly started to piece the puzzle of Taehyung’s words together. “I was just wondering if,’ Taehyung’s speech became slurred and hardly intelligible as he couldn’t resist stuffing his mouth with his index finger and biting around his round nail, ‘if in such cases, we should be clear with the company about it,” he finished, his voice barely over the whisper.

Namjoon’s eyes were squinting, set over his nose like two narrow lines, he leaned forward, placing a palm under his chin, before he tilted his head in a question, “Why do you ask, Tae? Do you have something you would like to share with me?”

Taehyung felt the familiar pressure of a weighty secret returning and nestling back in his chest. The temptation to reveal everything was almost too strong. Almost. He wavered, his eyes scanning around the room before he looked back at Namjoon.

 “Nothing specific,” he replied, hoping the words didn’t fall from his tongue too quickly. “I was just,’ he cut himself off again, thinking Namjoon would see right through his lies about  the ‘general curiosity’, so instead, he opted for the partial truth, ‘Jin hyung, he told me you want him to be clear with the company about Hyungu hyung.”

Namjoon nodded thoughtfully, though a hint of curiosity still lingered in his eyes. Taehyung didn’t fool him. “I see what you're getting at,’ he started, ‘Well, Tae,’ Namjoon seemed to be struggling with the chaos of words swirling and racing inside his mind as well, ‘I think it's a tricky situation,” he continued like a philosopher getting ready for a long speech, caressing the paper wrapped around the back of his novel. “We've all worked so hard to get where we are, and one scandal could bring us down.  Being honest with the company might be the best way to avoid any future problems.”

As he spoke, Taehyung realised that Namjoon was well aware of the hidden truth in his question, and he squirmed with a pang of guilt gnawing at him because he wasn’t entirely honest about the nature of his concerns and anxiety. He appreciated Namjoon's wisdom and the way he could handle the fragile balance between their personal lives and the group's image. 

Taehyung knew he was holding back, concealing within himself, important information that could cost them everything, and more, that Namjoon was so afraid of.

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Taehyung pushed the words out of his mouth despite closing his throat, gathering the cleansers and eye creams that fell out the gap between the zipper when the bag dropped and quivered uncertainly before tumbling over on its side.

“Tae-yah!” Namjoon called into the awkwardly loud squeaking of Taehyung’s rubber slippers on the floor.

Taehyung halted, the hand holding the bag’s handle was still swishing along his body. One foot mid-step, he turned to face Namjoon, trying to scold his expression into face giving out nothing only tiredness. “Yeah?”

“Do you remember what I once told you?’ Namjoon spoke with a soft tone, ‘If there's something you want to discuss or share, no matter how difficult or important it may be, you know you can talk to me, right? We are family and we will always be here for each other. I meant it then, and I mean it now.”

A memory flashed before him: they had been sitting in Taehyung’s old room, on his bottom bed, drenched in sweat and surrounded by the walls that felt warmer than usual. The memory of Jimin leaving the room in a hurry brushed against his consciousness, but it was faint, unclear, like a distant echo. It was the day after Taehyung’s life had been turned around so suddenly he hadn’t even realised it at first. In this vivid memory, Taehyung couldn’t help but remember how concerned Namjoon had sounded, making sure Taehyung knew the door to his studio had been always opened.

The memory of that conversation overlapped with Namjoon's current words. Taehyung nodded, his voice quiet and stern, “Yeah, hyung, I know. Thanks.”

He left their room with urgency, not wanting to linger where the heaviness of his lies felt too much to handle. He closed the bathroom door behind himself hastily, creating a barrier between his feelings and the world outside. 

#taekook au #taekook fanfic #taekook vkook #vkook #taekook #kpop idol #idol jungkook #idol taehyung #taekook smut #taekook fluff #taekook angst

[jicito]

　　　　 ⌅⁺ 　　　　 ❀ 　　　　 love　wins　all　♡

#double post part 2 #dividers by plutism #kpop #kpop icons #kpop moodboard #kpop layouts #kpop idol #kpop bg #kpop bts #taehyung #v #thv #taehyung icons #v icons #taehyung moodboard #v moodboard #bts #bts icons #bts moodboard #bts layouts #bts aesthetic #aesthetic #moodboard #brown moodboard #white moodboard #blue moodboard #random moodboard #alternative moodboard

[colormepurplex2]

In Memory of Him | It's Cold In Here

↳ Florist!Taehyung x Artist!f.Reader ⤜ Non-Idol, Late Husband's Best Friend ⤜ Rating: MA 🔞 ⤜ WC: 13,558 ⚠️ Mild language, death/loss of a loved one, deep depression, high anxiety, loads of guilt, hidden feelings, realizations, hurt feelings, repressed feelings, hurt/comfort

Next Chapter⇾ (coming soon!) ◅ Back to story masterlist

With trembling fingers, you smooth out the letter that you found attached to a bundle of flowers on your doorstep.

To the love of my life, For after the funeral Take a deep breath, baby, I know it’s not easy. Even as I sit and write this, I can feel your energy in the next room. You’re always such a worrier, I’m sorry I’ve added to that. It’ll all be better soon, I promise. But, I know you and I know that you’ll pull away, you’ll cut yourself off…and we can’t have that, now can we? You have to keep going if we’re to stay connected even after I’m gone.

So, here’s the first of a collection of some things that you can hold and look back on when the storm starts to roll in. There are only so many words in existence to describe what you mean to me. So, instead of words, I want you to remember these feelings: Warmth - like the sun on your face while you read a great book Satisfaction - the way you sigh softly after a good, lazy day in bed Contentment - waking up with a smile on your face every morning Peace - that moment of quiet before the rain starts, when the scent of petrichor filters in These are all the things you’ve brought into my life the last seven years. I’ve never been able to look at the sun, sleeping, smiles, or storms the same. Never did I imagine I’d meet and marry such a beautiful, kind-hearted soul with a genuinely unique outlook on life. I never had to be reminded to smile because it just came so naturally whenever you were around. You have brought so much light into my world and gave me the best years of my life. You also gave me Sujin, the perfect little replica of myself even if you think he looks more like you than me (I secretly agree, but that’s not something I’ll admit outloud). When I look at our wonderful son, I’m reminded of the beauty that first drew me to you all those years ago. Being his father is the second greatest achievement of my life, the first being making you fall madly in love with me…don’t laugh, you know it’s true. Many people see things in black and white, a beginning and an end…but our life isn’t like that. We’re full of color and everything in between. You’ve supported me at my best and have loved me at my worst. Everything good in my life is because of you. I know you’ll always love me, and I know it won’t be easy once I’m gone, but I need you to promise me you’ll continue to wake up with that smile on your face and never forget how the sun feels or how beautiful the quiet before the storm is. I need my light, my girl, to keep going. Be that guiding light so I know exactly where you are in the world as I watch over you and Sujin. We knew forever wasn’t guaranteed, that’s just the way life is, right? This doesn’t mean it’s over, not by a long shot. You still have so much more to give, so much more love to offer.  I know you’d never forget about me, that’s not what this letter is for—it’s not a reminder of me, it’s a reminder to live, love, and keep shining. There are more where this came from, Taehyung has them and knows what to do, but not until you’re ready for them. I love you so much, never stop living—for me, for Sujin…for you. Love forever, Your Yejun

The letter crumples in your fist, the bundle of hibiscus and lavender it was attached to forgotten on the step between your feet as you bury your face in the crook of your elbow and scream. It’s better that way—the symbolism of the hibiscus flower on a letter from Yejun is a punch to the gut when he’s no longer here. Eternity? Bullshit. The sound is muffled into the thick wool of your coat but no less filled with agony. As if the day wasn’t hard enough, everything went belly-up when you found the flowers and the letter on your door step. You choke on a breath of air as you try to control yourself.

“Yejun.” His name drips from your trembling lips, absorbed into your jacket sleeve like your cries. “I miss you so much. Why did you have to leave us?”

A hand on your shoulder makes you flinch, jerking away from the potential comfort, despite it being exactly what you need right now. You crowd against the wall, knees knocking into one another as you huddle in on yourself where you’re sitting in the stairwell outside your apartment door.

“Hey, hey, hey, come here,” a strong, soothing voice coos. Your limbs protest weakly for a moment, your heart raging with guilt at the prospect of finding solace in another man’s arms—even if that man is Taehyung, your now late husband's best friend—but the desperate need for someone to hold your pieces together wins out. You fear if you let yourself truly break, you’ll never be able to be made whole again. You frantically launch into those open arms, keening a wail into the solid chest between them. “Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you.”

💔💔💔

Two years later

“Mommy, are we going to Uncle Tae’s house today?” Sujin asks from behind you, where he’s strapped into his booster seat.

You glance in the rearview mirror, angling yourself so you catch a glimpse of his smile as he stares out the window, patiently awaiting your answer. It’s gotten easier over the last two years to look at him without growing weepy. He looks like and reminds you so much of Yejun. They have the same chestnut-colored eyes and floppy midnight tresses. When he smiles, the tiny dimple on his left cheek is a near mirror to his father’s and something that your eyes seek out every time he flashes you a grin. Little pieces of his father that fill the gaps in your heart.

“Did you not want to stay at Grandma’s tonight? That’s what you said you wanted yesterday,” you remind him.

Sujin hums like he’s thinking hard about your question. “Well, I did want to go to Grandma’s, but I also want to see Uncle Tae, and plus, he always has good ice cream. All Grandma has is boring vanilla.”

“How about we see if Uncle Tae wants to hang out this weekend? I think Grandma would be sad if you decided not to stay with her tonight.”

In truth, you’d also be a bit disappointed if Sujin changed his mind. Being only four when his father passed, he doesn’t remember Yejun much, mostly knows him from photos and stories he’s heard. So, it’s not surprising he’s not able to put together that today is the second anniversary of his father’s passing. He doesn’t know that tonight isn’t just about your mom getting a visit. It’s also about you having an evening to grieve without being under your son's watchful and inquisitive eye.

Though maybe you’re wrong, perhaps he knows more than you think as he responds softly, “It’s okay, Mommy, I’ll stay with Grandma so you can go visit Daddy.”

If it wasn’t for tightening your grip on the steering wheel, you might have driven right off the highway. “You know what today is?” you ask hesitantly once your initial shock passes.

“Of course I do,” Sujin says with another smile, his dimple catching in the afternoon sunlight coming in through the car window. “I might not remember him, but I could never forget him.” It’s a wonder there aren’t more six-year-old poets, as what he just said is easily the most eloquent thing ever uttered by a child. Your heart swells, and you feel that telltale burn in the back of your nose and behind your eyes as you blink away the flood of emotions threatening to spill into the open.

You nod, taking a deep breath. “That’s right. He’d be so proud of you and how much you’ve grown.”

“He’d be proud of you, too, Mommy.”

It’s another blow, directly targeting the cracks already forming in your armor. Fissures zip and snap over the surface of the wall you’ve spent the last two years building. “Thank you, buddy. I love you,” you manage to get past the lump in your throat. 

The rest of the car ride home is spent with Sujin telling you about his day at school and how one of his classmates snuck a salamander into the classroom after recess. You hum, haw, and laugh as he recounts the way the class reacted to the discovery of the amphibian.

It makes you feel lighter, listening to his words and hearing the clear whimsy his heart possesses as the salamander suddenly becomes a dragon and Sujin, the fearless knight that saved the teacher—the damsel in distress—by scooping it up and putting it in an empty lunch box.

“She said since I was so brave and such a good helper that I could go outside with Mr. Kim, the science teacher, and help him release it back into the wild,” he proudly proclaims. “Did you know salamanders like water? Mr. Kim said they’re kind of like frogs even though they look more like lizards.” Sujin continues on, spouting off facts he learned about the salamander from his science teacher.

It’s a short drive from the school to your apartment. You’ve often thought about moving, using some of the life insurance money from Yejun to buy you and Sujin a lovely place outside the city. But, your mom lives just a floor up, and it’s been convenient having someone so close to look after Sujin when you need them, like tonight.

Having your mom close by, not just as a babysitter but also as an emotional support outlet, has been a blessing and far outweighs the other feelings—the seemingly endless void that now lingers in place of your late husband. With that, though, you can’t help looking at your small apartment as more like a preservation of memories. It was the first place you and Yejun moved into after getting married. It’s the place you both brought Sujin home to when he was born. It’s still filled with so many memories…you’re not sure you want to leave—at least, not yet.

The building has no elevator, just several winding flights of steps right up the middle. “Go on up to Grandma’s. I’ll stop by with dinner before I leave. Remember, homework first before you play.”

Sujin gives you a beaming smile and nods his head in understanding before vaulting up the stairs, his strong six-year-old legs carrying him far faster than your own. You watch him disappear up the stairs—the last flash of his face so reminiscent of Yejun racing up those very same steps the day you moved in—followed by the familiar sound of your mother’s voice drifting out over and down the stairwell as she welcomes him into her space—a safe space, away from the looming cloud of darkness over you.

Knowing he’s occupied and cared for, you allow your mask to slip just a little. The weight on your shoulders eases as you let the emotional fatigue roll in and replace your typically calm and collected demeanor. Even after two years, it’s not gotten any easier when this particular day comes. The holidays are hard, sure. There are plenty of days where you find yourself feeling like it’s too much…but nothing truly compares to this day. It’s not filled with happy memories the way those other days are. It’s nothing but darkness. There is a constant ache in your chest, which is amplified when the calendar turns over, and you find yourself once again reliving that fateful day all over again.

You spent nearly every waking hour sitting beside Yejun, the uncomfortable, stiff hospital chair becoming your permanent perch. The ventilator was always loud, but the punching swoosh grew to be comforting because you knew that meant he was still there. All the lines and tubes hooked up to him made it look like a scene from one of those sci-fi films he enjoyed making you watch with him. Yejun was so full of life when you first met, many years before. But, the image stuck in your mind—the one you can’t seem to get rid of—is of him with sallow cheeks and pale, greyish lips, drained of life.

It’s weird to think of watching someone die. But that’s precisely what you did over the six months Yejun was in the hospital. The disease moved quickly, the cancer stealing your husband away bit by bit, and you were powerless to stop it. That’s probably one of the worst parts, the helpless feeling that no matter what you do, you can’t prevent it from happening. No amount of prayer, begging, or screaming would change it. He’d still die, just the same. Day by day, the best parts of the man you loved vanished, and by the end—you feel guilty even thinking the thoughts, so you push them out of your head. 

After unlocking the door, you step into the quiet space of your apartment. Your shoes join the ones discarded by the door before you drop your purse on the small console table against the wall and make your way across the living room to the hall leading to the bedrooms. Sujin’s room is the first door. You peek inside to see that he had made up his bed before school this morning. You make a mental note to grab one of his chocolate popsicles from the freezer before dropping off dinner tonight. He deserves a little treat for being such a good kid.

The small single bathroom sits between Sujin’s room and the larger of the two bedrooms, the one you shared with Yejun for almost five years. You haven’t changed any of the decor. Everything is the same as it always has been, right down to the pillow on Yejun’s side of the bed. It took months before you mustered the courage to wash the pillow case and cried the entire time you stripped the pillow and plopped it in the washer.

The pillow was small fish compared to the closet. Going through all of Yejun’s clothes nearly took you out. Thankfully, Taehyung was there to help. You weren’t the only one that lost someone two years ago today. Taehyung and Yejun grew up together and worked together for the last dozen years, starting out as teens together at Taehyung’s parents' florist shop. They are—were—as close as brothers, and not just for the fact that Taehyung’s parents took Yejun in when his parents both passed, but because of their unbreakable bond—a bond nearly as strong as the one you had with Yejun.

Taehyung has been there for you whenever you’ve needed him since Yejun’s passing. All it takes is a phone call or a text message, and he drops everything for you. You try not to take advantage of it because you don’t want him sucked into your empty void any more than he already is. No grown man should be attached to a woman like that, especially when he has no obligation for it.

But, you must admit, it’s nice knowing he’s there…especially today. This is the one day of the year that you know you don’t have to text or call Taehyung for him to show up. His one promise to you. He’ll be there, waiting for you at the cemetery, just like he was last year.

You pull off your oversized t-shirt and worn jeans covered in splotches of paint from your time in the studio today. Once a well-known local artist, you haven’t been able to create anything worthwhile since Yejun passed. He would always joke about being your one true muse. It seems he wasn’t wrong. Everything you’ve been able to create in the last two years feels wrong, like it’s missing something.

The life insurance you received from Yejun has been more than enough to keep you and Sujin afloat. However, you feel like a failure having even to touch that money, even if it’s just to pay the bills. If you could just get your life together, you’d be able to provide for yourself and Sujin the way you once did—before everything happened. Shoving that line of thinking away, you focus on the here and now, just getting through the next handful of hours.

A quick shower later, and you’re dressed in a warm sweater and a clean pair of jeans with thick wool socks. It’s cold, winter having well and truly taken hold outside, but when the sun goes down, the bite from the wind grows more bitter. Grabbing the large, lidded bowl of beef stew you had cooking in the slow cooker all day. You wrap it in a dish towel to keep from burning your hands on the hot sides, snag a popsicle for Sujin, and make the short trip upstairs to your mom’s place.

“Hey, sweetheart,” your mom greets you when she opens the door. She’s gotten a lot more grey in her hair in the last year or so. The steel-colored strands stand out against her temples, framing her strong but still soft face. You used to think she looked too austere, but then you realized that was just the permanent mark of motherhood and time.

“Hi, Mom. Did Sujin get his homework done?” You follow your mom in, shutting and locking the door behind you as she ambles into the kitchen on the other side of the living room. Her apartment is a near mirror of your own, her second bedroom set up for Sujin as well.

“He finished a bit ago and wanted to break out the paints. Was nattering on about some sort of lizard, I think. He wanted to try to paint it,” she explains, putting the tea kettle on without needing to ask. Peppermint tea with a dollop of honey can fix even the worst of woes in her eyes. She’ll insist you have some just as she has any other time she can feel your darkness crowding in. You’ve grown to appreciate your mother's intuition, both for yourself and your son's sake.

“There was an incident involving a student bringing in a salamander at school, it seems. Sujin helped the teacher and was allowed to go out with Namjoon—Mr. Kim—to release it.” You recall the conversation in the car, your mother chuckling softly when you tell her about the salamander turning into a dragon.

She busies herself, packing the tea steeper with her own blend of mint tea. Tending the small garden of herbs and spices that she keeps on the fire escape off the living room, is how she spends most of her days since she retired a few years ago. Even in winter, she keeps a small plastic greenhouse over them, opening it just enough to care for them each day. “So, you’re on a first-name basis with that science teacher now?” she asks. You can tell she’s lightly probing, trying to figure out if there is anything more between you and ‘Mr. Kim’.

“I met him at the beginning of the year when we had parent-teacher meetings. He insisted I call him Namjoon, that’s all, Mom.”

Humming, she grabs the kettle just before it begins to whistle. “Still, he’s nice?” she asks, casting you a glance over her shoulder.

You pull your bottom lip between your teeth, wishing she’d not try to go down this path of questioning. You know she means well, but you’re just…you’re not ready to think about those things.

“He’s nice enough, Mom, I guess. It was just a slip of the tongue. I’m used to greeting him at drop-off in the mornings. It’s not—I don’t, it’s just being cordial, y’know? I’m not ready…” you trail off, hoping your mom picks up on what you’re trying to say so you don’t actually have to say it; not today.

Her free hand goes to her mouth, covering her frown. “Oh, sweetheart, I didn’t mean—you know I’d never, not like that. I’m sorry. Forgive an old fool for her loose words.”

“It’s okay, Mom, really,” you offer with a tight smile as you set the stew on the counter and pop the popsicle you brought for Sujin in the freezer.

She sets down the tea, the cup slightly trembling on the tiny saucer she serves it on. “I made some pajeon to go with the stew. It’s warming in the oven. Are you going to stay for dinner?” she asks, seeing that you need to move on from the previous subject.

You settle on one of the chairs at her small dining table, pick up the tiny teacup, and blow across the surface before taking a tentative sip. The mint is a cooling contrast to the heat of the liquid, coating your throat with a soothing sensation. The blooming sweetness of the honey lingers on your tongue, helping combat the intense punch of the minty flavor. It’s comforting. Reminds you of home.

“I’m not all that hungry. You and Sujin enjoy it. You’re sure you’re okay taking him to school tomorrow?” She gives you a fond smile and nods. “I’ll pick him up on my way home and we’ll come have dinner.”

“That’s fine, sweetheart.”

You finish off the tea, suppressing a grimace as it goes down a little too warm and nearly scalds your throat. The sun will be completely down soon, and you’d like to get to the cemetery before it’s too dark out. “I should get going. Just going to say hi to him real quick.”

Your mom watches you stand. Her eyes are hyper-focused on your face. “Okay, sweetheart,” she says slowly. It’s clear she wants to say more, but you’re glad she doesn’t push.

The room your mom has set up for Sujin has a small bed pushed into one corner, leaving the rest of the space for him to play—unlike his room at your place, which has a writing desk and dresser taking up the majority of the play space. He’s never complained, though, choosing to get creative with the small room he does have. “Hey, buddy, Grandma said you’re painting. Can I see?”

You lean on the door jamb, peering into the room. The easel Sujin is using is angled away from the door. All you can see is smears of bright color peeking around the edge of the canvas.

His bright eyes meet yours as he grins extra wide. “It’s not done yet, but of course you can see it.”

Stepping in and around the easel frame, you take in the canvas covered in paint. When your mom said he was going to paint the salamander, you knew there was a possibility of said ‘lizard’ being portrayed as a dragon as it was in Sujin’s story in the car. But what you didn’t expect were the characters surrounding the dragon. You count them, six in total. The brunette woman at the top of the castle tower is clearly Sujin’s teacher, Mrs. Min. Sujin himself is astride the dragon, and who you think is Namjoon stands in a corner near some trees, his large-frame glasses are what lead you to believe that’s who it is. The other three characters are where you’re a bit lost.

“Who are these people?” you ask, gesturing to the other feminine figure framed by two men; one with unruly black hair and the other with small angel wings extending from his shoulders. It dawns on you the moment you ask.

“That’s you, Daddy, and Uncle Tae, of course,” Sujin proudly states. “You were in the tower with Mrs. Min. I’m rescuing her, and Uncle Tae is rescuing you while Daddy guides him.”

You’re not sure what to say. But you can’t help looking at your son in a different light. He’s only six, but in moments like this, you feel like his soul is older and wiser than yours. “It’s lovely,” you finally say, because it truly is, and everything else you could say would definitely start the waterworks, and there will be enough of that later. “I’ll be back tomorrow to get you. Be good for Grandma. There’s a treat for you in the freezer, but only after dinner, okay?” You feel like you’re running away—and maybe you are, but the darkness creeps in just a little bit further the more you look at his painting.

“Yes, ma’am,” Sujin beams at you sweetly. He lifts his chin, angling a cheek in your direction for a kiss. You plant one there, throwing an arm around his back for a quick squeeze, too. “Love you, Mommy.”

“Love you, too, buddy,” you murmur, shoving down the suffocating feeling bubbling in your chest—just need to make it a few more hours.

💔💔💔

The cemetery is about an hour's drive from your place in the city. Yejun grew up in the countryside, and the columbarium where he’s interred is at the cemetery closest to his and Taehyung’s childhood home. It’s a quiet drive, a typical Tuesday evening if it were any other week. You don’t even bother with music, haven’t in the last two years, preferring to just soak in the quiet and try to center yourself.

As you pull into the parking area outside the gate to the grounds, you spot Taehyung’s black SUV. He’s standing beside it, leaning against the driver's side door with his chin tipped down below the line of the thick scarf wrapped around his neck. Your headlights swing across his vehicle, illuminating him in the process as you park.

You take your time climbing out of your car, casting fleeting glances in his direction while you gather your courage and resolve. He’s wearing a thick grey-colored tweed coat that covers him to the knees, and khaki slacks lead down to shiny brown loafers. His hair is windswept, the fluffy waves moving across his forehead with every gust of chilly air.

“Hey,” you say as you swing open your door and step out. He catches your eye over the roof of your car and gives you a soft smile.

“Good evening. Drive okay?”

You nod. “Not too much traffic, which is always nice.”

“You should have let me come and pick you up.” It’s the same thing he said last year, to which you decline politely just the same as well.

“Thanks, but I enjoy the drive. Gives me time to think.”

His eyes flick over you, taking you in from head to toe. There is understanding clear on his face. “Shall we?” He gestures toward the entrance gate. You notice a small bundle of flowers held in his other hand that’s hanging by his side. “Oh, this is for you.” It surprises you when Taehyung offers you the flowers, having thought he was bringing them to leave in Yejun’s vase.

You take the offered cluster, automatically bringing it to your nose and giving it a delicate sniff. It’s hard to smell the fragrance in the cold, but as you peer down at the flowers and take in the deep purple and soft pink, the scent of lavender and hibiscus filters through as if on a memory. It’s a combination that reminds you painfully of Yejun, as this was always his go-to whenever he would bring you home flowers from the shop after work.

“Thank y—“ your polite words cut off as you hear the distinct crackle of paper as you shift the bundle of flowers between your hands. “What’s this?” you ask, holding the flowers up until you see the small envelope attached to the hemp string holding the bunch together.

“A note,” Taehyung responds slowly as if he’s trying to decide if that’s all he’ll say. “Perhaps wait until we’re settled to read it?”

You finger the crisp fold of parchment, wondering. “Okay, yeah,” you agree, chalking it up to most likely being a grievance note from Taehyung, and it might be awkward for you to read it right now in front of him.

The cemetery typically closes at sundown, but Taehyung has access as the gardener. When he and Yejun took over Taehyung’s parents' floral shop, they expanded the business to include landscaping for local companies and establishments. The cemetery is one such establishment they took on. He produces a key from his pocket, unlocking the small pedestrian gate that must have been locked up not too long ago, judging by the sun barely having dipped below the horizon.

“Moojin left about ten minutes before you pulled up,” Taehyung explains casually, confirming the thought you just had. “It’ll just be us, so we can take as much time as we need.”

Maybe you should feel bad that Taehyung gives you preferential treatment and access to the cemetery after hours, but it’s hard to care about that when other, darker feelings have you clutched so tightly. The walk to the columbarium is relatively short, being one of the newer buildings erected within the grounds just some twenty years ago or so.

“The trees are doing well, even in the winter,” you note, nodding toward the row of young pines along the fence line. It was one of the last projects Yejun worked on with Taehyung before he became ill.

“He’d be able to tell you all the properties of the tree that make it sustainable during this time of the year,” Taehyung responds, his voice carrying notes of sadness. Yejun doesn’t come up much in conversation between the two of you, most things not needing to be said, merely understood without a spoken word. So, it’s surprising and endearing to actually hear Taehyung talk about him, especially now.

You smile, knowing he’s right. “With enough scientific jargon to make you go cross-eyed trying to keep up, too.”

That earns you a soft laugh from Taehyung. “And he wouldn’t even realize it until you’re so lost you can’t even pretend to have understood.”

“I miss that,” you whisper with a sigh, your warm breath misting lightly in the cold.

Taehyung slips his arm through yours, hooking his elbow around the crook of your arm. “Me, too.”

💔💔💔

Taehyung

It’s never easy, watching the way you suffer through your emotions. Taehyung knows you try to hide them, and sometimes you’re successful. But others…like right now, he can read you as clear as a bright spring sky. Only instead of pastel blues, pinks, and yellows, you’re a stark monochrome of Pantone grey. Just as clear, but decidedly less alive. He hates it. Knowing just how vibrant of a person you once were. When Yejun left your life, so, too, did the color, it seems. Leeched away with the slow death of your husband. It’s a cruel fate, Taehyung has decided, and it’s one you never deserved. Yejun also knew this. He saw this in the way you mourned at his bedside, even before he was gone. It’s why Yejun made Taehyung promise to take care of you, to never let you forget how to smile.

As more time passes, Taehyung isn’t sure whether or not he’s done a good job by Yejun’s request. Not when the dark circles around your eyes seem to get more permanent every time Taehyung sees you. It’s why he brought the letter—the next letter. He’s curious if you remember the first one, the one that came the day of Yejun’s funeral; the one that had you crawling into Taehyung’s arms for the first time, seeking the comfort you knew was there.

That’s happened a few times in the two years since Yejun now. Any time you begin to fray at the edges and unravel a bit too quickly, Taehyung’s been there, weaving you back together the best he can. It might not be pretty, but a patchwork quilt is better than shredded rags, he likes to think. He hopes, at least.

“Are you warm enough?” Taehyung asks, realizing your arm is trembling around his. The jacket you’re wearing is far too thin, meant more for warding off spring rain showers than winter chills. Your lips are formed into a thin, bloodless line as if you’re trying to keep your teeth from chattering, and your brow is pinched.

The lift of your shoulder is subtle, dismissive and nonchalant. “I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not. Here,” Taehyung insists, pulling you to a halt on the walking path. “Take this.” He shrugs out of his jacket, draping it over the thinner trench you’re wearing over your sweater. You instantly relax, a soft sigh misting the air in front of your mouth.

“Thank you. I forget how cold it gets out here at night,” you mumble, encouraging Taehyung to continue walking toward the entrance to the columbarium, where Yejun’s memorial awaits. “Are you sure you’ll be okay without it?” Your eyes are round and glassy when you look up at him, the moonlight overhead reflecting in their depths.

The thick sweater Taehyung has on paired with his wool scarf is enough to stave off the wintery bite, but what warms him the most is seeing your eyes flash with a brief flicker of life when you snuggle into the depths of his jacket, bringing the tweed collar up around your neck after he assures you he’s fine without it.

Your feet shuffle, your stride slowing as you approach the columbarium. Taehyung can feel your hesitancy. The air around you is suffocating and full of static, something Taehyung wants desperately to help dispel.

“Come on. Together.” Taehyung offers you his hand, splaying his fingers wide in invitation. You lick your lips, eyes flicking between Taehyung’s face and his offered hand. Finally, you sag a little and slip your fingers in between his.

Your hand is soft and delicate in his. Taehyung has always admired your ability as an artist, being able to take your hands and a simple tool like a paintbrush and create something profound and breathtaking. Some might argue that what Taehyung does is also a form of art, but he swears it’s nothing compared to the pure magic you create. He’s found himself under your spell more than once, entranced by your art.

Even the works you’ve created in the last two years, the things you keep hidden away in your studio, are still quite beautiful—if more haunted. Taehyung knows you’re not selling any art and you haven’t hosted a gallery night in almost three years now. The few times he’s been inside your studio since Yejun, you’ve indulged his curiosity and let him look at the things you’ve worked on.

Taehyung cherishes those private moments you allow him within your space. He uses them as a time to reflect on what life has brought to you and to him. You have a shared experience of losing someone, but it’s clear you’re both working through your pain differently. Your studio, once a bright and vibrant space filled with inspiration and captured moments of love, is now more of a tomb, silent and full of the whisper of death.

Taehyung eases open the door to the columbarium. The motion-activated lights within flicker on and fill the space with a soft yellow glow. It’s better than the typical fluorescent white lights they used to use. Taehyung thinks the bright, sterile lighting is far too reminiscent of a morgue or hospital, not exactly places people should be reminded of when coming to visit their dead loved ones. So, he suggested the change when he took over doing the gardening for the cemetery.

Yejun’s niche is towards the back of the space, near the bottom. You separate yourself from Taehyung, letting the bundle of flowers droop upside down in your hand as you step lightly across the floor. You look like a specter, gliding across holy ground in search of what’s keeping you tied to this plane of existence. In many ways, Taehyung thinks that’s precisely what is happening with you. You’re suspended in time, stuck in a limbo of heartache.

In the two years since Yejun, you haven’t been able to move on, even though that’s exactly what Yejun wanted you to do. Yejun never wanted you to mourn him for long. He told Taehyung there was far too much love for you to give, and you had a heart big enough to love someone else while still holding true to Yejun. What Yejun failed to realize, Taehyung thinks, is that without Yejun, you didn’t want to love again.

Taehyung holds back a few steps, giving you some time to have a private moment as you kneel down in front of Yejun’s niche. The placard covering the niche is engraved with his name, birth and death dates, and a small metal frame that holds a glass engraved likeness of Yejun. It pains Taehyung to see the smiling face and crinkled eyes behind his wireframed glasses. Yejun was his brother in all ways, except for being born to the same parents. That didn’t matter to them, though—still doesn’t matter to Taehyung. They love—loved—each other just as fiercely as if they had been.

“Yejun,” you whimper his name, pressing a hand to the placard, head hanging low. Taehyung watches your shoulders shake with silent sobs, and he can’t take it anymore. He moves across the space and kneels down beside you, ignoring the cold that instantly leeches through the knees of his trousers. Before he can think better of it, he has his arms around you, trying to hold you together…trying to keep your seams from unraveling too fast.

Taehyung coos softly, murmuring as many words of encouragement and solace as can work past his quivering lips, “Shh, it’s okay. I’m here. It’s going to be okay. I promise. He loved you so fiercely. I miss him, too. I’m here for you. Shh, it’s going to be okay.” Over and over again, Taehyung repeats it like a mantra until your sniffles subside, and you slump into his arms, feebly returning his embrace.

Feeling your arms around him is a comfort, one that helps him keep his own tears in check. “Thank you for being here,” you sniff before burying your face in his scarf and inhaling deeply.

“I’m always going to be here for you,” Taehyung offers, smoothing a hand over your hair in what he hopes is a soothing fashion. He watched Yejun console you enough times to have a good idea of what might help. After Sujin was born, you battled postpartum depression for a while, and Taehyung helped wherever he could, giving him those brief glimpses into your emotional turmoil. Yejun always petted your hair and let you ground yourself in his embrace. He never even had to say a word; just let you draw on his strength. So, Taehyung has always tried to emulate that for you whenever you’ve needed him.

You sigh, and Taehyung reluctantly lets you pull away to sit back on your heels. “I’m such a mess. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Taehyung says, capturing the side of your face in one of his hands. You sway on your knees; big, round, red-rimmed eyes locked onto his. “Never apologize to me. You’re human, not a mess. Okay?”

“Okay,” you whisper, lips barely moving. You slowly turn, sitting with your back against Yejun’s niche.

“Okay,” Taehyung repeats, and settles in beside you. He barely notices the cold this time as it seeps through the seat of his pants. There are far too many fierce emotions rolling through him to be bothered by the chill.

“Is it okay if I read this now?” you ask after several moments of shared silence.

Taehyung looks over at you, fingering the small envelope attached to the bundle of fresh flowers he brought. He swallows past the thick knot in his throat, worried about you reading it but knowing you need to. Perhaps it’ll be best read when he’s around and not in the solitude of your apartment where you could fall apart without someone there to catch you; Taehyung knows Sujin is staying at your mother’s tonight.

He clears his throat. “Uh, sure, yeah.”

“They really are beautiful,” you say, voice so soft it barely carries to Taehyung. You admire the flowers for a moment, and the anxiety Taehyung had earlier in the shop when he was wrapping them goes away. He was worried that he got the flowers wrong. He knew Yejun always brought you fresh flowers, different types for different occasions. Yejun was all about the spiritual and emotional meaning of flowers, something that Taehyung hardly paid any mind to until after.

Finally, you tug the end of the string that attaches the envelope to the flowers, and you set them to the side. The flap is tucked into the envelope, so you slide it out and remove the tri-folded parchment from within. It looks the same as it did the day Yejun gave it to Taehyung a few weeks before he died. It’s the same as all the other letters waiting in a box under Taehyung’s bed—waiting for the right moment, waiting for you.

“If you need a moment—” Taehyung begins to say, but you hold up a hand to silence him. Slowly, you unfold the paper and smooth it over your thighs. Your eyes flick over the paper, snatching on random words until they hit the name signed at the bottom.

“What is this?” you whisper, yet your voice cuts like steel. “Is this a cruel joke?” You hold the paper up for Taehyung to see. At the top, it reads ‘For if you haven’t moved on’. Taehyung can understand why you might think so.

“N-no. It’s…there’s…” Taehyung pauses and takes a deep breath before trying again. “It’s not a joke. It’s from Yejun.” The look of hurt that ghosts across your face brings a prickling heat behind Taehyung's eyes, and he has to blink them several times to hold his emotions at bay as he explains. “The letter I gave you after the funeral?” He waits until you give him a subtle nod. “This is another he gave me…along with many others.”

“Many others?” you ask, incredulity seeping into your tone.

“He wanted to leave you something, something more than just your memories and heartache. So, he spent a few weeks, before he got bad, writing letters to you. He gave them to me and made me promise I’d give them to you when the time was right. This one—” Taehyung nods toward the letter held between your fingers “—was one I wasn’t sure if I’d have to give you or not. It was one Yejun specifically said to only give you if…well, if you hadn’t started living life again.”

“Hadn’t started living life again?” You balk at that, rearing back from him with an angry look pinching your face.

Taehyung feels like he’s botching this, not explaining it properly to you or something. “Just, just please read it.” Taehyung has no idea what the letter says. He never wanted to invade Yejun’s and your privacy. He’s hoping, though, that maybe the letter might hold some key information to help you understand…to help ease your anger in a way that Taehyung’s words can’t seem to.

You stare at Taehyung for a moment, and he’s certain you’re about to spit in his face and leave him sitting here alone. But, you finally shake your head and sigh, settling back into place and focusing on the paper. Taehyung is sorely tempted to try and read over your shoulder, but he doesn’t want to further your ire. So, he slides a few inches away, opening up a wide, cold gap between the two of you…and waits.

💔💔💔

To the love of my life,   For if you haven’t moved on Hi, baby. I hope this is a letter Tae never has to give you, but if you’re reading this, then that means we’re not doing so well. I say ‘we’, because I’m still there with you. Just like I promised in my other letter. I told Tae to use his discretion on whether to ever give you this or not. He knows you nearly as well as I do, so I trust him. So, if you ever read this, know he doesn’t mean any harm by it…I don’t mean any harm by it. But, baby, you gotta start living again. At this point, I don’t know how much time will have passed since I had to go away, but I do know you can’t let much more time pass. I need you to live, my love. Live for me, live for Sujin…live for yourself. No more standing by while the world continues to spin, you have to spin with it, baby, let it carry you away, and on to better days. Please. Find something that makes you laugh, find something that makes you smile…even if it’s a someone. I know you’ll always love me. There is no doubt about that. But, don’t let that love stop you from living. Let someone in, let someone help…love again, for me. Show the world that it can’t tear you down. Go on a date, go skydiving, go to one of those fancy art galleries in Italy you used to fantasize about…just go, baby. Go and do, and be free. Don’t be afraid…please, don’t be afraid to live. Love forever, Your Yejun

The memory of the other letter, albeit a bit fuzzy, drifts through your mind as you sit and try to come to terms with how you feel at this moment. You absently trace the neat scrawl of Yejun’s handwriting covering the page. Don’t be afraid. Are you afraid? Is that it? You’ve never thought of it like that, in terms of being afraid to live. But, if you think about it, you suppose that’s the root of it. You are afraid. Afraid of moving on. What if you do find happiness? What if you do find someone else? Yejun is clear that he’s confident you’ll never forget him, but what if you do?

You don’t want to be sitting somewhere thirty years from now, with your head thrown back, laughing at the joke from some other guy, with Yejun having not crossed your mind in years. It’s not that you don’t want to be happy. You just…you don’t know.

Taehyung is sitting so quietly beside you that if you closed your eyes, you’d think you were alone. Guilt pricks against your heart at how badly you first reacted, the harsh tone and words you lashed at Taehyung where he didn’t deserve it. You clear your throat, drawing the flicker of Taehyung’s eyes in your direction.

“I’m sorry, Tae. I really am. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.” The words are thick on your tongue as you work through the emotions threatening to obliterate your existence. You think you might cry, but give yourself an imaginary pat on the back when you manage to maintain eye contact with Taehyung while successfully blinking back the tears.

Taehyung is quiet for a moment, a muscle in his jaw working, flexing the dark stubble you can see shadowing along his jawline. It’s in this moment that you feel like you see Taehyung in a new light, with added clarity. He looks haggard, tired. You didn’t notice it before, the sunken circles around his eyes or the lack of a clean shave…until now. It’s not fair, you realize, that he has taken care of you so much the last two years when you haven’t even so much as bothered to check on how he is doing.

You’re just about to break the silence with another feeble apology when he smiles, it’s faint, but it’s there. “You don’t need to apologize to me. Yejun and I might have shared a different kind of bond than what you two had, but I have at least an inkling of the keen sting you’re feeling, the one that never quite goes away no matter what you do.” He brings a hand up and presses it to the center of his chest. “The one that slices a little deeper after the sun goes down and everyone else has gone about their lives.”

Chilled goosebumps pop up along your arms, despite the warmth from the added layer of Taehyung’s jacket. That is exactly what it feels like, a lingering sting that won’t go away, one that grows when you’re alone.

You lick your trembling lips, tearing your gaze away from his and focusing back on the letter clutched in your hand. “Yejun,” you whisper. “He—he wants…he wants me to move on.” A soft sob catches in your throat. “But, I can’t do that. How can I do that?”

Your shoulders heave as the emotions you were able to hold at bay before come crashing through the walls you managed to put up. It’s not like the weeping from earlier. That was simply the quiet cries of a mourning wife. This is bone-deep, soul-rending agony that shakes your entire body.

Taehyung pulls you into his arms, and you press your face into the cushioning of his scarf and scream. The sound is muffled, but you can still hear it echoing through the columbarium when all the air finally empties from your lungs. You try to replenish the air, sucking in stilted breaths, but it’s not enough. Panic ensues, your heart launching into a heavy, staccato rhythm as if trying to pound right out of your chest.

“Hey, hey,” Taehyung soothes. “Slow down. Try to breathe slowly.” He pulls you firmly into his lap. You’re heedless to the intimate position your body falls into with your knees on either side of his hips. All you care about is getting air into your lungs. Taehyung holds you by the face, angling yours so you look up into his worried eyes. “Come on, slow. In…out…like that, come on, another one. In and then out.” He breathes with you, exaggerating the way he inhales air through his nose and pushes it back out through his mouth.

His warm breath puffs across your face with each exhale, carrying with it the faintest sharp tinge of mint and the earthy tones of tea. Something that instantly makes you think of home. It helps bring you back to reality, slowing your rampaging heart, and subsiding your shuddering cries.

“I can’t do it,” you mumble.

“You can. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

“No, no. You don’t—I can’t. It’s…it’s cold in here,” you whisper, pressing a trembling hand over your heart. “No one wants that.”

A soft, sad smile forms on Taehyung’s face as he continues to stare down at you. “Good thing that I know a thing or two about keeping things warm.” He drops his hands from your face and grabs the lapels of his jacket that’s still draped over your shoulders and gives it a tug, pulling it tighter around you. You can’t help but smile, even if it’s a watery one.

“What would I do without you?” you ask, not expecting Taehyung to answer.

“You’d make it.” He sounds so sure. “I know you would, you’d do it. But, I am glad to be here, to help however I can.”

Taehyung doesn’t urge you off of his lap, just allows you to rest there with your cheek pressed over his softly beating heart, finding whatever comfort you can from the proximity of another source of warmth. His words linger there, filling the space between you with a comfortability that you know you’ll never find anywhere else. You don’t say anything else, as there isn’t much else to say. At least, not words you think you could say out loud. Not here, not now.

But, an hour later, as you’re driving home, you decide to try. So, you do something you haven’t done in a while and turn on the radio, letting the music fill the silence from before. It’s a small step, but a step nonetheless; the first of—you hope—many.

The next morning, with the light of a new day spilling through the gap between your bedroom curtains, you decide you feel…good. As you lay in bed last night, full of revelations about how you’re going to start making steps toward Yejun’s desire for you to be happy again, worry began to set in. Worry over whether or not you can do this. Now, though, you feel decidedly different—light, in a way—as you push back the blankets and climb out of bed.

With your mom having taken Sujin to school this morning, it afforded you some time to sleep in, which is something you haven’t done in years. You weren’t sure you were going to, considering how poorly you’ve been sleeping the last couple of years. It feels nice, stretching your arms over your head and not feeling as groggy for once.

There is one thing you want to do before heading to the studio, where you know you’ll probably just piddle around until it’s time to pick up Sujin, but it’s just baby steps for now. It’s not lost on you that your work, the art you create, no matter if you manage to move on or not, might still be something that you’re never able to recover. Yejun wasn’t far off when he joked about being your one true muse, but you try to remain hopeful that you can surprise yourself.

The box in the back of the closet is exactly where you left it almost two years ago. It holds some of your most treasured possessions. Things you’ve held on to dating back as far as your teen years and as recent as two years ago. You kneel in the bottom of your closet and slide the box out from behind the stack of empty shoe boxes you can’t seem to toss out.

It’s a bit faded, the blue exterior, once a brilliant navy, is now more denim in color. You’ve had the box since you were a child, given to you by your father the summer before he split from your mom. That really hurt your family, when he cut himself out of the picture without so much as an apology; he ran off with another woman. It was so hard for you to believe in love after that.

Lifting the small silvered latch, you ease open the box lid and sigh as your eyes land on the folded paper nestled on top. Yejun’s first letter. It’s the last thing you put in this box. The paper still feels crisp in your fingers as you delicately pluck it out and unfold it. You worry at your bottom lip a moment before letting your eyes devour the same words you read once before.

This time, they don’t hurt nearly as much. You still feel that piercing ache, but it’s accompanied by another, fresher feeling—one of hope. What stands out the most, now, though, is the confirmation that there are other letters waiting for you. Yejun says as much himself in this letter, you just hadn’t ever put the dots together, too distracted in your grief.

There are endless possibilities for what those other letters might be for. But, what’s clear is that you won't get another one until you do something to deserve it. Knowing Yejun, you have a few ideas of what those things might be. There is a thrill but also a sense of trepidation as you think about that. You want to move on and be happy again, and in doing so, you know you’ll get the other letters, but there’s also that sense of overwhelming dread.

Where do you begin?

You spent most of your day rearranging and organizing supplies at the studio. But, now that the sun is beyond its zenith and casting longer shadows across your paint-marked studio floor, you feel like you’ve done nothing but waste time. You still haven’t decided where to begin with Yejun’s letters and you’re no closer to coming up with an idea for your next project either.

With frustration coloring your thoughts, you lock up and welcome the reprieve of going and picking Sujin up from school. That’s one part of your life that you do know up from down with.

As you pull through the pick up line, you don’t see Sujin anywhere out front. You spot Mrs. Min ushering a few students to their cars, her friendly face sporting a smile as she does so. Her eye catches yours and she holds up a hand, rushing over to your passenger side window.

“Hi!” she says when you roll it down. “So glad I caught you before you waited too long. Sujin volunteered to help Mr. Kim with his terrarium and it’s taking a bit longer than expected. He should be out in the next fifteen minutes or so, feel free to park in the teacher’s lot or you can wait here if you’d like.”

“Mrs. Min!” a rambunctious gaggle of students call her name, requesting her assistance.

She gives you an apologetic look. “Sorry, duty calls. He shouldn’t be too long!” she calls over her shoulder as she jogs towards the cluster of students beckoning her over. One of the kids has what appears to be a large diorama that they’re having a hard time carrying to their car, even with the assistance of their friends.

“Well, great,” you mumble to yourself, checking your rearview mirror and seeing a long line of cars waiting behind you.

Pulling ahead, you slip around the side of the school and pull into one of the empty teacher spots and cut the engine. You haven’t been inside the school since the parent-teacher meeting at the beginning of the year, so it wouldn’t hurt if you went inside now, it would give you a chance to peek into Sujin’s classrooms and see what he’s been up to. If it’s one thing he loves, it’s learning.

Mr. Kim and Mrs. Min have adjoining classrooms at the end of the hall for Sujin’s grade, a storage and supply closet connecting the two rooms. The door to Mrs. Min’s room is closed but the light is still on inside. You take a quick peek through the view window on the door and see colorful drawings and paper projects hanging on the wall, books scattered across a few tables, and a large container of art supplies opened on her desk. She teaches English, Reading, Art, and History while Namjoon covers Math and Science. 

The gym teacher, Mr. Jeon, startles you as he breezes through the double doors at the end of the hall that lead out to the playground. “Oh, hey! Sujin, your mom is here!” he calls, stepping back and propping the door open with the heel of his sneaker.

“Mom!” you hear Sujin’s voice sound from through the open door. “You gotta come see this!”

Mr. Jeon holds the door open for you, his face lit with a pleasant smile. “A future scientist, I’d bet,” Mr. Jeon stage-whispers as you pass him and that makes your own smile blossom further.

“What’s going on, buddy?” you ask, taking in the scene before you.

Namjoon is crouched down beside Sujin, helping him sort through a collection of rocks spread out on a sheet of plastic. There are dozens of them, all various shapes and colors.

Sujin excitedly points out a few of the large rocks. “These would be perfect to create a hiding space!” he loudly proclaims before turning his bright eyes up to you. “Mr. Kim is letting me help him choose the rocks to go into the terrarium. We’re going to get our very own class salamander! Isn’t that cool, Mom? A class dragon!”

A soft chuckle comes from Namjoon as he pivots on his heels and squints up at you, the sun catching on the thick-framed glasses that are slipping down his nose. “We had so much fun yesterday talking about the salamander that was brought into Mrs. Min’s class that I couldn’t resist. I’ve had this old aquarium sitting in my garage for years, it just seems perfect.”

“Wow, yeah, that’s really cool.”

“Sorry for keeping him,” Namjoon suddenly stands, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking contrite. “I didn’t realize the bell had rung until Jungkook said something.” He turns to Sujin who is happily stacking a few of the smaller rocks into a pile. “I think that’s all for today, Sujin. We’ll finish it up tomorrow during class.”

Sujin frowns, his warm brown eyes flicking to Namjoon. “Okay,” he sighs.

“I tell you what, for all your hard work today, how about I let you be creative director during assembly tomorrow? Does that sound okay?”

The frown is quickly replaced with another excited smile. Sujin gives a whoop of delight and slaps his hands together before dusting them off. “Thank you, Mr. Kim, that sounds amazing!”

Seeing the interaction between Namjoon and Sujin gives you an idea, one that you hope you won’t regret. “Go grab your backpack, buddy, I’ll meet you outside Mrs. Min’s room in a second.”

“Yes, ma’am!” Sujin pulls open the door and scampers through, his sneakers squeaking on the tiled floor as he skips down the hall.

“Thank you for that, Namjoon, really. He was so excited about what happened yesterday and now this? He’s been wanting a turtle for a year now, so this will be a good test on whether or not we should get one.”

Namjoon pulls one of his hands out of his pocket and grips the back of his neck as he smiles shyly, his cheeks pinking slightly. “He’s a great kid, loves to learn. Though, turtles are a bit more needy than salamanders. It would also depend on the type of turtle. The standard box turtles are…” Namjoon trails off, his brow pinching as he throws furtive glances your way. “Sorry, you didn’t ask for a science lesson.”

That makes you laugh, which seems to ease the awkward tension in Namjoon. “Sujin isn’t the only one that likes learning.” You don’t intend the words to sound flirty, but they come out that way and you can distinctly tell that Namjoon keys into that.

“Yeah?” he asks, the shyness leeching away by the second.

“Um, yeah. Er, well, I should—” you jerk your thumb over your shoulder toward the door “—Sujin is probably waiting.” 

“Oh, yeah, of course.” Namjoon sidesteps over the plastic sheet of rocks and fumbles with the door handle before yanking it open. “Have a good—”

“Are you free Friday night?” you blurt, wincing at the rudeness of interrupting him but knowing if you don’t ask now then you’ll lose your nerve.

“Friday?” he parrots back, eyes wide behind his glasses.

Panic slices through and you immediately want to take it back. “Sorry, that was—I didn’t, it’s not appropriate is it? I’m so sor—”

“I’m free,” he states, the words silencing your backpedaling.

“Oh.” Now that he’s confirmed, you’re not sure what else to say. It’s been so long since you’ve done this.

“Is there something you wanted to do?” Namjoon asks hesitantly, clearly picking up on your trepidation.

You swallow around the choking feeling in your throat, the one that’s ingrained with the idea that you’re still married and still madly in love with another man and this is akin to cheating. “Maybe dinner? Or a late coffee? Um, or…I’m sorry, it’s been so long since I’ve done this.”

Namjoon gives you an easy smile. “Dinner sounds great. Let’s say, seven?”

“Seven is good. How about that new pizza place that opened up near the park, do you know the one?”

“I’ve had my eye on that place for weeks! That sounds perfect.”

Are you really going on a date…with Sujin’s Science teacher? “Okay,” you say, chewing the inside of your cheek as you take a few steps down the hall. “Great.”

“Great,” Namjoon confirms with a smile, his deep dimples making an appearance. “See you then.”

All you can do is nod, not trusting yourself with any more words with the influx of emotions now swirling through you. Sujin bursts through Mrs. Min’s door, his backpack and lunchbox in tow.

“Let’s go!” he trumpets, thrusting his free hand into the air in a fist. “I’ve got some homework to do before I can work on my diagram for the terrarium!”

Namjoon’s soft chuckle carries to you from down the hall as you usher Sujin towards the exit. You can’t help casting one last glance behind you, taking in the way he’s lazily leaning against the doorframe of his classroom. He’s quite handsome, there’s no arguing that.

A giddy feeling adds itself to the uncertain emotions rolling through you. A fluttering in your tummy that you haven’t felt in over seven years. You can’t help but wonder, as you load Sujin into the car, if this is really what Yejun wants for you or are you making a mistake?

💔💔💔

Taehyung

It’s a weird sensation when you expect to feel one emotion but end up feeling another. That’s what Taehyung thinks anyway, as he reads the text message he received from you for the dozenth time. You have a date. With Namjoon.

Taehyung has never met the quirky Science teacher, but he’s heard plenty of stories about him from Sujin. Charming, educated, and completely and utterly perfect for you. And that should make Taehyung happy. Yet, all he can feel is mild annoyance when he thinks about Namjoon sitting across from you at a dinner table making you laugh and smile.

He wants to chalk it up to being overprotective in a brotherly sort of way, but Taehyung knows better. It’s no secret—well maybe it is to you—that Taehyung cares for you deeply. Even before Yejun, Taehyung always had a soft spot for his best friend’s wife. Something that he drunkenly confessed to Yejun once a few years ago. Yejun took it goodnaturedly, something that Taehyung still thinks about to this day, and simply told Taehyung he understood the attraction because hell, who could blame him?

They never talked about it again, until the day Yejun asked Taehyung to take care of you and Sujin—the day he was given a box of letters addressed to you. Yejun had given Taehyung a knowing smile and said something along the lines of fate knowing and that’s why Taehyung already had so much love for you.

He wasn’t sure, at first, if Yejun had ever shared Taehyung’s little secret with you. But, as time went on, it was clear that he hadn’t. That, or, so lost in your grief, you’ve been keenly uninterested in that prospect. But, now, you’re going on a date and Taehyung doesn’t know how to feel about it.

The twinge of jealousy in his chest doesn’t sit right with him. He has no right to feel this way. It’s just something that he can’t seem to shake, hasn’t been able to since you told him about it two days ago. So, instead of expressing that, he forces himself to try and share in your joy.

That’s great. Let me know when you’re home, I have something for you.

A letter perhaps??

Your eager reply makes him smile despite himself. If anything, that helps his mood to improve. The ‘first date’ letter is already sitting on his counter, waiting.

Perhaps. Now stop texting me and go have fun.

There is no reply to that. So, Taehyung waits patiently, phone in hand. Hours pass in a mindless, sluggish way. He’s far too wound up to do anything productive but also has nervous energy that needs to be released. So, Taehyung spends the four hours it takes for you to finally respond by squeaking out haphazard notes on the alto saxophone he’s taken to trying to learn to play.

His phone lights up where it sits on the coffee table and he nearly drops the instrument in his haste to snatch up the device.

I’m home.

That’s all it says and it makes Taehyung frown. Not that he expected you to tell him how the date went over text message, but he was anticipating something more than just those two words. He is startled to realize just how late it is, though, being past eleven already.

Is it too late? I can always just swing by tomorrow.

Sujin is staying with mom. It’s not too late.

Taehyung is contemplating his reply when another text from you pops up that makes him drop everything else and grab his car keys, not caring it’ll be close to midnight by the time he pulls up outside your apartment. It was a knee-jerk reaction to also grab the letter that was sitting beside his keys, but now he’s thinking about whether or not it’s a good idea.

Those thoughts quickly fade as he focuses on the road, intent on reaching your apartment in record time. His phone sits on the passenger seat, still open to your text thread, the single word might as well be an alarm blaring to Taehyung, urging him on faster.

Please.

💔💔💔

As soon as you send the last text message you want to take it back. Not only do you feel whiny, but you know Taehyung will drop everything and come over which makes you feel terrible and like you’re using him.

But, fuck. The date was so horrible all you want to do is crawl into familiar, comforting arms and cry yourself to sleep. You’re about to pour your third glass of wine when there is a sudden knock on the door, followed by it swinging open. Taehyung stands there with your spare key in his hand, eyes wide with concern.

“Are you okay?” he asks, breathless as he clearly sprinted up the stairs to get here and now you feel infinitely worse for it.

You shake your head which earns you a pained sound from Taehyung but you hold up your hand, silencing him. “I’m not shaking my head no as in no I’m not fine, it’s more a I’m such a fool head shake. I’m sorry, Tae. I’m fine. I shouldn’t have said anything, I just—”

“I’m glad you said something. What happened? Do I need to go pay a certain science teacher a visit?” For all his bravado, you know he wouldn’t hesitate if you said yes.

“No, no. It’s not his fault. Well, not entirely. Look, I’m sorry you drove all the way over here.” You discard the empty wine glass in favor of taking a large glug directly from the bottle.

“Hey, hey,” Taehyung says, deftly taking the bottle from your hands before you have the chance to take a second gulp from it. “Stop apologizing and tell me what’s wrong.”

“It was a fucking disaster.”

If Taehyung is surprised by your cussing, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he stills beside you, brow slowly pinching and forming deep furrows between them. “Did he hurt you?” he whispers, but his tone is cold and hard. “I’ll kill him.”

“What? What, oh no, Tae, no. He didn’t hurt me, god no.” You sigh, propping your hip against the lip of the counter and wrapping your arms around your middle. “He was lovely, actually. I was the disaster. Or maybe we were. I don’t know, it was just a terrible night. A terrible idea.”

“Talk to me about it,” Taehyung encourages, his hands landing lightly on your shoulders to steer you toward the couch in the living room.

So, you spend the next hour recounting all the horrid details for him. Everything from the way Namjoon wouldn’t stop talking about rocks and mineralized dirt to the way he tried to kiss you at the end of the night only for you to duck and him to lose his balance, effectively making him face plant into the brick wall of your apartment building.

“See, it was a terrible idea,” you lament, letting out a frustrated sigh.

Taehyung hums softly. “It doesn’t sound like a complete disaster to me. Namjoon was polite, even if he did nothing but talk about his own interests. Did you try changing the subject, or did he ask about you and you gave a dismissive answer?” You give Taehyung an annoyed look. “I’m just saying, you have the tendency to avoid things like that. So, it’s only meant as a means to try and understand. Maybe it can be better next time.”

“There won’t be a next time.” You throw up your hands in defeat. “He said he had a lovely time, but I could see it plain on his face, he was just trying to be nice. He left with a bloody napkin pressed against his mouth for crying out loud!”

“Well, maybe he really—”

“But, most of all,” you continue, speaking over Taehyung, “I didn’t have a good time. I don’t want to do it again. It didn’t make me happy.”

That seems to subdue Taehyung. “Oh,” he says, nodding slowly. “Well, okay, that’s different.”

“I’m broken, defective.”

Taehyung scoffs, giving you a withering look a moment before dragging you into his arms, squeezing you tightly. “You’re not defective. You’re human. All this proves is that maybe the science teacher isn’t the guy for you. Simply just a lack of…chemistry.”

You can’t help but laugh at his bad joke. “You’re terrible,” you say in a lighter tone, meant to tease more than chastise. “But, you’re right, I guess. I just…this was the first date I’ve been on in a long time and it all went so horribly. It’s hard not to think that I somehow messed up, that I’m just…not right, just broken, y’know?” Taehyung’s eyes are soft as you look up at him, trying hard not to let yourself grow too accustomed to the comforting feel of his arms around your shoulders.

“You are perfect, most certainly not broken,” he whispers. You watch from beneath your lashes as a small crease etches across his forehead and you can tell he’s warring with himself over something before he slowly presses a soft kiss against the side of your head. “You just have to give yourself grace. I’m proud of you.” As he says that last part, he gently pulls back, hands resting on your shoulders. His right hand trails down your arm and you feel the soft caress of paper against the back of your hand. “Yejun would be proud of you, too, taking as big of a step as you have, I just know it.”

The envelope is small, but you instantly recognize the shape and feel of the paper. It’s just like the one you got earlier this week—like the one from two years ago. “Should I wait to read it?” you ask, not really expecting an answer.

“I’ll leave if you’d like some privacy.”

And in that moment you realize that’s the last thing you want. “No, please stay. Umm, that is, unless you have something to do.” It’s after midnight, the sour twist of jealousy rears as you think of everything that could possibly take Taehyung away at this hour. You tamp it down, knowing you have no right to keep him here, regardless. “I’m okay, I promise.”

Taehyung’s lip twitches as you wait for him to answer. He shakes his head. “No, I have nothing else to do. I can’t promise I won’t end up crashing on your couch, though,” he says, stifling a yawn in his elbow before lacing his fingers behind his head and stretching out. “I’m here as long as you need me.”

“Thank you,” you whisper, grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch and spreading it out over Taehyung’s legs before curling up on the opposite end of the couch. Taehyung shifts around the blanket with his feet, making sure the other end covers your legs as well.

“Don’t have to thank me,” he sighs sleepily. “I just want to make you happy.”

You’re not sure if he misspoke, because surely he meant only that he wants to see you happy. Because, as it is, him saying he wants to make you happy…well, that does something funny to you. Though, you can probably blame that on the terrible date with Namjoon or the half a bottle of wine you drank. Either way, you can’t help but smile as you look at Taehyung laying on the other end of your couch, eyes closed, and chest rising and falling with deep, even breathing.

You take a moment, running back over the date with Namjoon in your head, fingers idly moving along the edge of the envelope. It started out so nicely, Namjoon standing outside your apartment with a bouquet of flowers. They made your nose itch and your eyes water a bit from how overly fragrant they were—clearly some mass grown clippings from a supermarket—but you smiled anyway, appreciating the gesture.

Dinner was lovely, the new restaurant proving to be worth the drive and money spent. It’s perhaps your own fault for thinking Namjoon might pay for the meal and it didn’t hurt you any to pay for your own, but it felt oddly…impersonal? Less like a date and more like a business meeting or something. You’re not too old to be naive in the sense that women are just as capable of paying for dinner as men, as well as the fact that men shouldn’t hold the complete burden of expense on dates. It’s just…it was unusual and he didn’t even bring it up, simply told the waiter to split the check before it was brought.

It’s not helped by the fact that Namjoon wouldn’t stop talking about work or soil deposits. And perhaps Taehyung was at least half right in the fact that you didn’t put forth a lot of effort to change the subject, but the way you see it, if Namjoon was interested in knowing about you, he would have asked. Though, is that expecting too much? Are you being too harsh? Maybe you’re projecting and Namjoon really wasn’t that bad.

Before you can continue to spiral any further, you force your thoughts to the letter in your hand. Hoping it’ll put your ill heart at ease, you extract the folded parchment and smooth it out.

To the love of my life,             For after your first date Hi, baby. First, I want to say that I love you. Second, I hope he at least made you smile. If he didn’t bring you flowers or even those cheap ones from the supermarket, don’t think too much of it. I’ll let you in on a little guy secret, not all of us are well versed on flora and even less so on women. Even if it didn’t go so well, though I hope it did, you can’t give up. Go on another date, with the same person or someone else, you just can’t stop now. Take as many adventures as you can, do something spontaneous. You never did take that dance class you wanted to a few years ago. Paint, travel, explore the world. Take Sujin to places we never got to go. Just don’t stop, keep turning, even if it’s slowly. I’m so proud of you, you know? No matter what, I know you’re going to be okay. You’re going to make it. I can’t wait to see all you do. You’re going to be wonderful. You’re amazing, keep shining, baby. I love you so much. Forever With You, Your Yejun

Tucking the letter against your heart, you snuggle down in the couch, mind racing. You feel lighter somehow, like Yejun’s words have given you far more affirmation than you thought possible. The terrible date doesn’t seem so disastrous now.

“You okay?”

You startle at the soft question, thinking Taehyung was fast asleep. His eyes are barely cracked open, peering at you over his bent, blanket-covered knees.

“Mm, yeah. I think so,” you say after clearing your throat.

“Good…good,” Taehyung murmurs, his eyes falling shut once more.

“Hey, Tae?”

“Hmm?” His eyebrows raise but he doesn’t open his eyes. You take a moment to truly see him, the soft light from the stand lamp on the other side of the room illuminating him in profile. The soft curve of his cheek, the delicate slope of his nose, and the pouty bow of his lips aren’t new features, but you’re not sure you’ve ever truly paid attention to how breathtakingly handsome he is.

“Will you help me?”

Taehyung’s lips twitch as a mild frown turns down his lips. “Help you?”

“With whatever comes next.”

“Whatever you need, I’m yours,” he mumbles, a soft smile replacing his frown. You watch him for a moment longer, his lips going even softer as the smile fades with sleep. His chest rises and falls, your eyes tracking the motion in the dim lighting until you feel the pull of sleep yourself. Taehyung is the last thing you see before you close your eyes, and for the first time in over two years, you sleep peacefully; with a subtle warmth blooming in your chest where once there was only cold.

Next Chapter⇾ (coming soon!) ◅ Back to story masterlist  

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#taehyung x reader #bts taehyung #taehyung smut #taehyung angst #taehyung fluff #taehyung fanfic #taehyung imagines #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts angst #bts fluff #kim taehyung #bts non idol au #bts imagines #bangtanwhq

[bangtanficsforyou]

They Reject You (maknae line)- part two

Pairing: Bts maknae line x Reader

Word Count: 8.8K

Warnings: swear words here and there

A/N: here's my patreon just in case you enjoy reading my stuff!

Park Jimin

Jimin's eyes light up when he spots you in the cafeteria. You're sitting alone with a cup of coffee and typing away something on your laptop and he can't help but feel like the chair next to you is practically calling for him. 

He makes a quick beeline towards your table and occupies the seat. "Hey, sweetheart."

You don't bother looking up at him as your eyes remain fixed on the screen.

"You shouldn't be sitting alone, if you needed company you could have just texted me," he suggests taking hold of your coffee cup. His plump lips wrap around the straw and he draws up the liquid extra loudly, knowing very well that the noise annoys you.

However, you pay no attention to his lack of table manners.

"Do you know we were supposed to have an exam today but it got cancelled?" He speaks in a tone of disappointment, knowing you'd agree with him. It's one of your icks when you've worked hard for something and have shown up for it, but ultimately do not get the chance to prove yourself.

But you still remain focused on your work and give no reaction or response.

At this point, Jimin finds himself feeling curious as to what might be so important in your laptop that it has all your attention. He leans forward to take a peek and realises that you're working on an assignment.

"Assignments are now more important than me, I see," sighing dramatically he looks down as if upset by your lack of acknowledgement. Not even a moment later he looks up subtly to check if you're looking at him.

When he realises that you aren't, the slightest bit of annoyance sparks inside him.

"If you're not going to talk to me, I should just leave," he keeps his tone casual, not intending to let the fact that he's feeling grumpy, be known.

You tilt your head cutely and mumble something along the lines of vertices having a degree two to yourself. 

Jimin's jaw drops in complete shock. The last time you two had a proper chat was three days back and now that he's trying to talk to you, this is how you treat him?! If that's what you want, fine. He isn't going to sit here and beg you to pay attention to him.

"Fine, I'll leave. I have better stuff to do anyway," he grumbles and takes his leave.

If anyone were to take notice of Jimin's expressions, they'd probably end up laughing. He looks angry but that little pout on his lips and the sad look in his eyes makes him look like a little child throwing tantrums. 

It's a good thing your eyes are not on him. Not even when he makes his leave.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Two classes later, Jimin is scrolling through his Instagram when he comes across a reel of a cute puppy doing the usual puppy antics. His first instinct is to send it to you. However, when he clicks on the share button, he doesn't find your account on the list of people to send. His brows furrow in confusion and he types your account id on the search bar only for the screen to read a message saying no matches found. 

Have you....have you blocked him?

He exits the application and opens WhatsApp. When his eyes land on your contact he notices how your profile picture is appearing to be blank and it only makes him desperately type out a message to you. 

Throughout the class, he keeps hoping that he'd notice a double tick to assure him that you haven't blocked him but unfortunately, no such thing occurs.

At the end of the day, he goes to sleep with a displeased frown. How could you do this? How could you just ignore him during recess and then block him on social media out of nowhere? He didn't even do anything wrong. 

Did he?

He tries to recall the last time the both of you had a proper conversation and his mind goes to the events that occurred on the night of the frat party. 

It's true that you had snapped at him and that the conversation you had, would not fall under the category of 'friendly'. But he didn't think it was serious, either. Both of you had silly arguments here and there, but it never seemed to matter in the long run. Somehow or the other, Jimin always managed to get under your skin and get a reaction out of you. Sooner or later, the two of you would fall back to the rhythm of him annoying the shit out of you and you talking back to him. 

The more Jimin recalls the little fiery banters you two have engaged in, in the past, the more his confidence grows. He tells himself this time would be no different. It may take a little more time but Jimin is sure you'll be talking to him again. 

It's true that you have never blocked him before. Or never have downright ignored him like this. Even when you would appear to be mad, there was always that little twitch of your eyes or you poking the inside of your cheeks with your tongue, which let him know that he was being successful.

But it doesn't matter. 

Maybe you're really really mad at him this time. But he's sure he will melt that anger away with his smile and charm.

It works on everyone, no doubt it will work on you as well.

----------------------------------------------------------------

With a wide confident smirk plastered on his face, he walks into your classroom and looks for you. 

His smirk softens into a small smile when he spots you with your head buried in books. 

He ignores the hushed whispers and the dreamy stares and walks to your seat before sliding next to you. 

"Hey sweetheart," he says, putting the effort to make his voice extra sultry and smooth. That always works on the girls. 

And for a moment, Jimin thinks he has won when he notices the look of complete surprise on your face. However, his victory is short-lived as your surprise fades quickly and once it does you're back to your work without paying him any mind.

"I got you a gift," he places the said gift on top of your notebook. A rose. "I looked at it and it reminded me of you."

Your hands falter for a brief moment as the nib of your pen is met by the flower. You use your other hand to move the flower out of your way.

Jimin huffs. He is starting to get annoyed and there's this sense of unsettlement in his veins but he tries to look amused. If there's one thing that bothered you to no end, it was when he found your anger as a source of his amusement. 

"Awww," he coos with an underlying tone of mockery. "Are you angry at me?" 

You don't react. Jimin is neither surprised nor flattered. 

"It's so cute though," he comments, and only if you were looking at him would you have known it's only his voice that gives the faux impression of him being amused. His eyes, his frown even the curve of his lips don't hide the fact that he is anything but not amused. 

Jimin feels a mix of frustration and desperation, which makes him snatch the pen away from your hand.

You seem startled by his actions but instead of arguing with him for being such a pain in the ass, your hand makes its way to your pencil pouch. However, before you can take another pen out, Jimin is taking that away from you as well. 

"You aren't getting these back until you talk to me," he declares, as he hugs the pouch and your pen close to his chest as if shielding them away from you.

You sigh, not out of agitation or anger. You seem bored. Something that scares and hurts Jimin, at the same time.

"What do you want?" You query, finally talking to him directly. After four days.

"What do you mean by what do you want?" He scoffs, making air quotes to mock your question. "You aren't talking to me and have blocked me on socials. What do you think I want?"

You sigh, once again and once again you look bored. As if you'd prefer to be anywhere but here. "I thought you had a reputation for being a fuckboy or something."

Jimin's brow furrow in confusion. "What does that have anything to do with this?"

"As a fuckboy whose commitment lasts for only one night, you must have faced many instances where you just wanted the girl to just take the hint," you state, speaking in a tone that's so calm that it makes Jimin squirm in discomfort. "Wonder why then, do you not know when to take the hint yourself."

His eyes fall and suddenly all traces of anger and frustration is gone and is replaced by sadness. Jimin looks a like sad kid who has just been told Santa isn't real. 

The look in Jimin's eyes catches you by surprise. He is an expert at making sad eyes to lure someone in. You know that because you have been a victim of it. But Jimin's eyes always had that little spark in them. Something that gave away his act and highlighted the mischief brewing within them. Something that let you on the fact that he's only pretending to be sad. 

However, now that you look into his eyes, they just seem dull. Making it seem like Jimin is sad, maybe for real this time.

You ignore the urge you feel to comfort him and maintain a blank face. Why should you even feel bad for choosing yourself? How many times has he thought or cared about his words and how they have made you feel? How many times was he there to wipe the tears that he made you cry?

Not even once. 

You may be someone who's tough and headstrong but you're also just as soft and loving on the inside. If you give in now and comfort him just to see him happy, you know you will be repeating the same cycle with yourself. And it would be so damn toxic.  

"Are you really not going to talk to me?" He whispers, in a soft voice. 

"I don't want to, trust me." This time your voice is not cold. This time you sound like you. The you, Jimin is familiar with. You don't even seem mad. And that's exactly how Jimin knows that you mean what you're saying.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Jimin has had a tough week. 

Nothing out of the ordinary, perse. He has been going to parties, has been getting drunk and has been the same him. But maybe that's exactly why he is having a tough time. Because despite doing regular 'Jimin' things, he hasn't been feeling like himself. 

He doesn't even know what's wrong. Or maybe he does, he just wants to ignore it and pretend that everything is fine. That he's fine. 

He does his classes and tries his best to focus on the material that's being taught but somehow or the other, he zones out. 

But it's not like it's a big deal. It's normal and all cool. He's fine. 

During football practice, he misses the opportunities that present themselves to him as if he's a blind man. 

But again, that's normal, right? Even the best of players make mistakes. Who's Jimin to not make one? It's fine. He's fine. 

During lunch, he accidentally puts pepper instead of salt in his food. But that's also normal! Nothing out of the ordinary. 

He's fine. 

He repeats these two words in his mind as he makes his way to the next class. However, he is met by a sight that has his steps halting.

It's you. 

You have your head thrown back and you're laughing at something your friend said.

The scene causes a stir of emotions inside him. 

One of the first things he feels is longing. Any other time he would deny it with everything in his being but now that you're in front of him like this, he simply can't. He misses you. He misses talking to you. He misses teasing you. He misses how your nose would scrunch up in annoyance. He misses the way you would chew on your lower lip to hold back from smiling. 

He misses everything about you.

The next emotion that hits him is anger. Here he is, feeling like he can't act and function normally without you, and there you are totally unbothered. 

The thought also scares him. What if, what if you just don't care about him anymore?

If that so happens to be the case, Jimin at least needs to know for sure. He can't be going around like this with a hole in his chest and having unanswered questions in his mind regarding what exactly happened for you to suddenly cut him off like this.

So, the next thing he knows, he's walking towards you. Ignoring the surprised look on your face, he grabs the courage to speak. 

"Can I talk to you for two minutes?"

You look at your watch simply because you need to make an excuse as to why you can't give him the two minutes. "Sorry, I have to head for my class."

Jimin nods, having expected something like that. "We can talk while walking. I'll drop you to your class."

"You don't need to–"

"I want to," he cuts you off with a determined look on his face, not willing to take no for an answer.

Truth be told, you have no intention of talking to him. But somewhere, at the back of your mind, you're curious as to what he might have to say. After all, after one whole week of Jimin not trying to bug you, you had honestly assumed that that was the end of whatever friendship (if you can even call it that) you two had. 

Jimin takes note of the indecisive look on your face and before you can come to a negative decision, he takes hold of your hand and gently tugs you to a side. 

"What–"

"I am sorry but I had to," he says with a tone that conveys nothing but sincerity. 

You're half pissed at Jimin's behaviour but you ignore it nevertheless, thinking that whatever it is that he has to say, it must be serious. Because you have never seen Jimin being like this before. 

"Whatever you want to say, make it quick," you say with a sigh. 

"Why are you cutting me off like this?" Jimin's words are out of his mouth the moment he knows that you're ready to listen to him. It's like he has been waiting for ages to ask you this particular question. 

Your brows furrow for a split second before you scoff. "Is that what this is all about?"

He is confused as to why you're looking at him as if he has asked a really stupid question.

"Yes?" He responds hesitantly. 

You sigh once again, this time much louder and in disbelief. "Oh my gosh, I can't believe this," you mutter to yourself before looking at Jimin and he does not miss the gleam in your eyes. 

"Let me spell it out for you, you were an asshole to me," you state, your voice having a certain hint of anger to them. 

"A-Asshole? How?" He stutters, looking even more confused than before. 

"You knew I had feelings for you, but you couldn't give two shits about it. I had no issues with you not liking me back, but rubbing all your sexual escapades on my face, and flirting with me is a total disregard and disrespect to how I feel."

"I didn't–"

"It doesn't take much for someone to realise that. Anyone with the minimum common sense can figure that out for themselves. But just because your feelings have always been shallow does not mean that the people around you are shallow as well."

There are a lot of responses that come to Jimin's mind but he knows none of those are good enough.

"Do you know how much of a fool I felt when you were being ignorant of the fact that I am a person who feels? I felt so stupid to be hanging out with you when you couldn't even pause and give me the minimum respect I deserve."

Each word of yours hits him like a bullet but he thinks this has been a long time coming. He is willing to take as many hits as it requires, but he just hopes this is not the end. That somehow he gets to redeem himself. No matter how difficult it is. 

"But at some point, you realise that you shouldn't put up with someone who doesn't appreciate you. I know how I deserve to be treated and it's obvious that you don't know how to treat a woman with respect. Hence, I'm afraid we can't be….friends anymore." 

You paused briefly before using the word friends as if you were not even sure if that's what you two were. And it sure as hell, makes Jimin feel shittier than he did moments ago. 

Oh my goodness, he really has messed this up, hasn't he? 

When you turn around to leave, Jimin doesn't stop you, knowing very well there's nothing much he can say to prove that you mean much more to him than what he has made you believe. 

So he lets you go. 

But only with the intention of earning your forgiveness.

Kim Taehyung

February

Tae 🐻:  did you reach home?

You: yes, just did!

Tae 🐻: i see

Tae 🐻: take rest and sleep well

Tae 🐻: also, i got a little something for you 

Tae 🐻: *image attached*

On clicking the picture, you're greeted with a small little teddy bear that looks adorable in every way possible.

It brings a smile to your face and there's a part of you that knows that it's his way of apologising for the dimmed smile you had throughout the day. His words may have been upsetting but at least he knows the effect they have had on you. And you know he's sorry for it. Mayhaps, that makes it a bit easier for you.

You: it's cute 

Tae 🐻: i know 

Tae 🐻: that's exactly why it reminded me of you 

You chuckle and shake your head softly.

He never leaves a chance to flirt.

--------------------------------------------------------------

April

You: you won't believe what happened

Tae 🐻: what

Tae 🐻: What

Tae 🐻: WHAAATTTT

You: a cat just snuggled against me.

You: CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???

You: like i used to be so scared of them 

You: but now i think they are just soft little balls of fur

You: now i want a cat for myself

Tae 🐻: this is so cute for some reason

Tae 🐻: i can just imagine your bright excited smile *sighs*

Tae 🐻: I'm glad you are not scared of cats anymore 👍😌

Tae 🐻: but but but 

Tae 🐻: idk how to feel about you getting a cat

Tae 🐻: what if you get one and then your whole attention is on them and then you forget about me 👉👈

You: 🙄

You: is this supposed to be a joke?

You: can i not have a bear and a cat at the same time???? 😒

You: also, don't worry i doubt the cat can ever get as annoying as you're 

You: so in a way, you'll always be special 😌

Tae 🐻: uhh thank you

Tae 🐻: that's very reassuring 🤗💖

You: well why, you're welcome 🤗

-------------------------------------------------------------------

July

Your phone rings making you alert of an incoming call. Checking the screen you realise that it's Tae. 

"Hello?" You greet in a sing-song voice, your mood suddenly turning bright.

"Hello, my lady," he greets back in a British accent. "How have you been?"

"Same old, mate, same old," you sigh, mimicking his accent. "Work has been hectic."

"It's even worse that I haven't seen you for so many days" he huffs, his accent gone and voice sounding whiny and complaining. Something that makes you think he has a cute adorable pout on his face.

"I know, work decided to be the biggest bitch ever," which is why you and Taehyung have not been able to find free time to spend with each other. 

The lunchtime for his department changed, making it impossible to have lunch together. Your department has way more workload than his does and as a result of which, you always have to stay back at least an hour to complete your share of work.

Taehyung doesn't wait for you or for your work to get done. And in a way, you're glad. You can't imagine how tiring it can be to wait a whole hour after a full day of work when you know you have the option to just go home and lay in bed and do nothing. 

Everyone deserves good rest and sleep after spending a whole day in front of a computer and that includes Taehyung. You'd never expect him to wait for you or do anything that would be at the cost of his discomfort.

Anyways, it's not like you and him have been out of touch. You text him about every silly little thing that would occur throughout your day. It could be a lizard staring at you intensely as if judging the way you're brushing your teeth, and Taehyung will be the first person to know about it. Hence, yes you do miss his presence physically but your days have been filled with him. 

You both have chatted for hours on end, sometimes via text, other times on a call.

This time is no different. You two end up talking for a whole hour before, he says something that ends with your heart skipping a few too many beats.

"Hey man, I won't say I love you on the phone," he jokes, but there's just something in those words that tells you he knows this isn't just a joke. "That's not fair to the both of us."

It is said out of nowhere, yet it fits the context of the conversation as well as of the situation you both are in. 

"Umm, w-well, say it in person I guess." Your cheeks warm up, a bashful smile that is so incredibly shy at the same time, adorning your lips.

"So I will," he whispers as if even though you two are only connected via call, he knows how gentle this moment is and what it means to you.

And then, the conversation is loud again. You with your silliness and him playing along with it and laughing loudly at your antiques.

----------------------------------------------------------------

September

"Why do you look down?" You query as you munch on popcorn.

Taehyung shakes his head, denying anything's wrong. "Nothing, I just feel tired, I guess."

Bullshit. You know Taehyung well enough to know when he's lying. His eyes just twinkle in a certain way as if on alert about being caught. 

"Do you want to leave?" You whisper, paying mind to the people around you. The last thing you want is the people in the movie hall shushing you or glaring at you.

He shakes his head, again. This time more vehemently. "No, I want to watch this movie with you."

You sigh but then speak in a gentle tone. "You know you can tell me right? Anything that's bothering you, you can tell me."

Taehyung looks at you and there's that certain look of vulnerability as if he's scared and worried. But whatever it was that he was looking for, he finds it in your eyes. It makes him decide that yes, he can be honest with you.

"Remember Kira? I saw her today and I guess it just triggered something within me."

Kira. 

How can you forget that name? 

Two months in your friendship and the both of you had discussed your lists of shitty exes and Kira was a topic discussed in detail.

Kira was his first and only girlfriend whom he loved a lot. Their relationship was filled with ups and downs but he never let it come in the way. He was there for her in ways you only see in movies and shows. But alas, things did come to an end. 

What hurt Taehyung more than the relationship coming to an end were the comments made by Kira. She didn't stutter while saying that he's just not the kind of guy she's into. He isn't bulky or muscular. He laughs too much and smiles easily. He isn't intimidating and is very gullible and naive. 

That...that was what broke him.

You remember the day he told you about Kira. It had made you so angry. How could anyone ever say something like that about a person? If you're not interested you're most welcome to leave but why go an extra step to be an asshole and scar someone? 

What was worse was the fact that you could tell Taehyung believed in those words. He thought they were a down point to his character and that it made him unlovable. 

It's also since that day, that you have developed this protectiveness over him. He may not see it but he deserves the absolute best. He deserves to know that it isn't difficult to love him at all, in fact, it might just be the easiest thing in the world. 

But right now, you know that her words from the past are probably being repeated in his mind over and over again. Hence, it becomes your goal to make him see that those words are not true. 

"I understand why it may have been triggering for you," you comment taking hold of his hands and playing with his fingers. "But I assure you, she was only being a bitch because she knew she losing a gem."

Taehyung smiles a smile that does not reach his ears. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. I'm not done yet."

For the first time this evening, the briefest spark of amusement enters his gaze. 

"I know she hurt you, but if you need a reminder that what she said to you was total bullshit, I'll serve as one."

Your voice comes out firm but there's that tone of love and affection to it, that is simply unmissable.

"People say and do mean things and they hurt us. But their choice of actions and words define them, not us. At some point, you have got to stop and realise that you can't keep hurting yourself because of what someone has said. It's difficult to do that, I know but that difficulty is worth it. You are worth it."

A small, tiny smile appears on Taehyung's lips at your words. Before he can get the words out to express his gratitude, you're speaking again.

"Also, all those things that she made you feel were unlovable about you, make you just that much more lovable. Because that's what makes you, you."

Once you're done, you feel the insecurity hit you that you may have been a little too passionate or that you went overboard. But Taehyung resting his head on your shoulder and muttering the softest of thank you's makes you relax. 

And that's how you watch the rest of the movie. With his head on your shoulders and him constantly wanting some part of his body to be in touch with yours.

---------------------------------------------------------------

December

You were promoted. 

You won't say it was out of the blue, you had seen it coming. Despite that, being recognised and awarded for your hard work, felt nice. 

But your promotion also meant you were now working in a different branch of your office. Same city, a different building. This also meant the chances of you and Taehyung meeting in between work had slimmed down to zero.

But again, it didn't seem to affect the bond you two shared. You two chatted with each other about your day almost regularly. It just didn't feel right, without telling him about the itsy bitsy details of your day-to-day life. 

It was your second week in the new building and by now you had become comfortable enough with the group of fellow employees you were mingling with, for them to ask the very important question. "Do you have someone special in your life?"

The question was asked in good spirits, with raised eyebrows, teasing smiles and mayhaps with an underlying hope that the answer to the question would be 'no' so that they can set you up with the company sweetheart Jeon Jungkook, who you have a hunch, has a crush on you.

Nevertheless, the question makes you stutter. 

It's not a difficult question to answer if the answer is a simple yes or no. But in your case, it's not so simple. It's complicated. 

But how do you explain it to them? 

You don't even know where you and Taehyung lie. You both have never directly addressed the feelings except once or twice. But what does that mean now? Do you two fall under the category of "more than friends, less than lovers"? 

You don't know.

You don't know if he still has feelings for you. What if it was just a phase and now all that you two are is just good friends? What if you're the only one who keeps thinking of the time you had confessed and what if you're the only one to whom the moments spent with the other, mean something special? 

But what if the opposite is true? What if he still has feelings for you, what if it wasn't just a phase? What if the moments spent with you, mean something to him as well?

Gosh, this indeed is complicated.

You take a deep breath and conclude that irrespective of whatever his feelings for you may be. You're someone who cares for him. A lot. 

You don't want to be someone who hurts him, ever. Knowing of the few instances that he has been hurt and the way he has been hurt, you never want to make him feel like he failed at love again. Or that, he isn't worthy of love. 

You don't want to assume that Taehyung has feelings for you. At the same time, you don't want to assume that he doesn't. Because you know, if you assume that he doesn't have feelings for you and act accordingly, and then it turns out that he still did, he will feel crushed.

"Let's just say, I do have a certain someone," you answer with a shy smile.

Your new coworkers look disappointed for a brief second, most likely because now they won't be able to play matchmakers but the disappointment is soon replaced by excitement. 

Multiple questions are thrown your way to know about this special person and you spend the rest of lunch trying to answer them as swiftly as possible.

--------------------------------------------------------------

February

You: why the 🙄 next to her name?

You ask in reference to him re-posting a status update of a co-worker on Whatsapp. Something about company lunch.

Tae 🐻: cause she's annoying! 

You: lmao why so 😂

Tae 🐻: oh boy she has no respect for boundaries 

Tae 🐻: her jokes are in such poor taste and inappropriate

Tae 🐻: it's just annoying and hence would explain the emoji choice

You: damn 

You: that's harsh 

You: but I'll trust your judgement

Tae 🐻: as you should, yes 😒

You: but this has me curious, if you were to put an emoji next to my name, what would it be? 👀

Tae 🐻: damn that's a good question

Tae 🐻: let me think

Tae 🐻: How about this one? ✨

You: huh? 

You: that's kind of unique 

You: why that one though?

Tae 🐻: because you shine, duh

Tae 🐻: and you light up every room you walk into 

Tae 🐻: and this ✨ just suits you 

Yet again, you feel the familiar warmth in your chest that at this point is just very common every time you talk to him.

But that doesn't make these little moments any less special for you.

------------------------------------------------------------

March.

Work was extra tiring today. You couldn't catch a breather. Couldn't even go to lunch. Stayed back after work till eleven.

And now here you're, finally home.

While having your ramen, you decide to respond to texts that you haven't and so open WhatsApp. 

Once done, you check through the status updates of people. It's always nice to know what fun people have been up to while you were being drained of all energy.

However, you frown when Taehyung's status appears on your screen. There are a few paragraphs written about love and how it can change the way you view life. When the next slide appears, it's a picture of him with a girl. He has his arm casually on the girl's shoulder as they smile at the camera. That added with the heart emoji as the caption causes a weird nervous sensation in your stomach. 

You type out a question as a reply to his status.

You: what is all this about? 😂

You add a laughing emoji next to it just to make sure you sound casual and curious.

Taehyung so happens to be online and his response comes quickly.

Tae 🐻: did you not see my status updates? 😂

Tae 🐻: I'm in a relationship ☺️

And just like that, your hands start shaking and the food in front of you gets forgotten.

Jeon Jungkook

It's been almost a month since you confessed to Jungkook. 

During the first week, you tried to reach out to him because you were so angsty to just get some sort of response. You didn't care if it was in the negative or was harsh. Anything was better than this. Anything was better than him just straight out ignoring your presence as if you never existed. 

You just couldn't understand. Did the friendship you two had mean nothing to him? Did you ever mean anything to him? If you did, how could he possibly treat you this way? Did you not deserve at least a proper explanation as to why he was doing what he was doing?

But after a week, you gave up. Your hurt turned into anger. You didn't care what his possible explanation could be. You did deserve better than this. So you ultimately stopped trying to reach out to him.

It's not like it doesn't bother you. Sometimes, it still does. But the difference is, you have stopped expecting anything from him. And that admittedly, makes it a little easier for you.

"What are we doing today?" Namjoon asks with a bright dimpled smile as he took his seat on the chair. 

"Four short interviews and then a late-night show," you reply, quickly opening your pouches to get out the brushes. 

He sighs. "Another round of answering what our love life looks like."

You snicker, finding it hilarious how done he looks. "Another round of you answering on behalf of the team that you all are a little too busy to find time for dating."

Namjoon shakes his head. "Sometimes I wish I didn't know English." 

The thought makes you laugh with your head thrown back.

"Well I can't imagine anyone else being the spokesperson, it would be damn funny."

You really do think that would be the case. Each of the members has a very distinct personality and just imagining what they would be like, is nothing short of amusing to you. 

Your amusement, however, dwindles when your mind comes up with the question about what Jungkook would be like if he were the one translating other members' words into English. But then your mind leads you to imagine how cute his English is, despite being broken. And then your heart ultimately shrank and you had to remind yourself to not think of him.

Namjoon seems to notice your distress and quickly changea the conversation to something else. 

Thankfully, it works. There are no other sad moments where your mind goes to Jungkook and you find yourself enjoying your conversation with Namjoon and that was more than enough. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

It's three in the afternoon, you conclude after checking your watch. Which means another interview left and after that the boys can rest, until the late-night show of course. This also, means that there's another hour for you to just relax in the AC room. After that, you will have to get to work to remove Namjoon's makeup.

You lay down on the sofa and scroll through Instagram. What's better entertainment than this? 

Your fingers get to work and start scrolling, one meme after the other. Some you find hilarious, some you need to read twice to get and some you simply roll your eyes at. But you guess, that's just how memes are.

However, it's after a few more posts that you find one which simply makes you blink in disbelief. 

It's a picture from the news outlet dispatch. The picture in question is of Jungkook's with his arms around a woman. On reading the caption you realise that the said woman is, Niki from the girl group JION. And to no one's surprise, the photo has caused a stir on the internet and apparently, everyone's talking about it. 

You exit Instagram and open Google. You search for Jungkook and Niki are immediately met with a bunch of articles. Each of them discusses their possible relationship and whether or not they are dating. 

When you feel like you have had enough of the sick churning of your stomach, you close all apps and just shut your phone. 

Wow. 

This is something.

It leaves you perplexed and with a bunch of emotions, you have no idea how to deal with. 

Was he already seeing the woman when you left that note? Gosh, if that's the case, it would be so embarrassing. 

Is that why he thought it would be best to just get rid of you? Was that why he made that sudden move out of nowhere? Couldn't he just tell you that he is dating someone else? Learning this from a news outlet, for every reason, feels painful.

It's not even the fact that he is dating someone. It's just the fact that you both have become such strangers that he feels like a distant person you once used to know. All because you decided to trust him with your feelings.

But most likely it didn't matter. Your feelings didn't matter. You're someone who's always behind the scenes, someone who no one knows. But him? He is the world-renowned artist. He is the one who earns in millions and has an army of fangirls, quite literally. Why should he waste his time caring about how you feel? More importantly, why did you expect him to? 

It was undoubtedly a mistake on your part to have trusted him. As they say, expectations lead to heartbreaks and maybe you had to learn it the hard way. 

But that doesn't mean the pain is anywhere near acceptable. You needed a way to vent your anger, so you do the only thing that comes to your mind.

You block him on all social media sites.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Two weeks since the rumour about Jungkook and Niki dating begun and it's still all over the net. Why, you ask? Because the two people involved in the matter aren't helping their case at all. 

They have been spotted several times together and thus have been fuelling the rumours further. 

It angered you. Weren't idols supposed to be very careful about their relationships? Why were then, these two, flaunting their relationship for the world to see?

You're aware you sound bitter and ridiculous because no one should have to hide if they are dating someone but you just can't help yourself. No matter how hard you try, news about Jungkook and Niki would somehow or the other appear on your feed, be it on insta or Google. It just became unavoidable as these two were everywhere.

The comments didn't help either. People adored them. 

Apparently, these two were the perfect match for each other. Both maknaes of their individual groups and both fan favourites. 

It made it suck all the more for you. 

Argh. 

"Have you seen my chapstick?" Namjoon asks as soon as he enters the room. "Hobi just lectured me about how I should always keep my lips moisturised." 

"It should be in the drawer," you reply and get up to look for the chapstick. "Let me check once."

As it turns out, it indeed was in the drawer. You hand the small tube to him and as soon as you take a seat again, the door swings open to reveal someone you would have never imagined seeing. 

Niki.

"Namjoon oppa," she smiled, putting her dimples on display. "I was looking for you."

Namjoon turned around at the sound of his name. His expression too turns into that of surprise when he realises who it is. "Niki! I didn't know you'd be coming."

Huh, makes the two of us. 

The two idols chit chat and you ignore all of it. Simply, because they seem to get along really well and if there's one thing you know about Namjoon it's how protective he is of all the members. But if he likes and approves of Niki, well you guess she and Jungkook might just be the perfect match. 

It's not like Niki totally ignores your presence. She shoots you a smile that's sweet and warm, and you smile at her right back. Your's looking a tad bit less sincere.

Thankfully, whatever conversation the two of them were having soon comes to an end and Niki leaves the room. 

As soon as it is just you and Namjoon, you blurt out the question you have been wanting to ask for a long time. 

"Are they really dating?" 

Namjoon doesn't seem too surprised by your question, if anything he looks like he expected it. However, he does look hesitant to answer. "Umm, yes they are."

Shit. 

You don't know why you had to ask the question but you did, and now you got your pretty little confirmation and now you're hurting again. 

Well, shit, indeed.

But but but, why was Namjoon hesitant to answer? Was he perhaps aware you had feelings for Jungkook? Had Jungkook told him the reason of requesting a change? 

Fuck, you should really have kept your curiosity to yourself because now your mind is running wild and it's not helping you at all. 

"But, I don't think it's anything serious," Namjoon adds after a beat of silence then nods as if reassuring himself that it was the right thing to say.

It makes you even more paranoid that Namjoon knows about your little more than crush on Jungkook and it makes you want to flee from the spot. 

"Uhmmm, I need to pee," you squeak out and immediately shut your eyes because gosh that was stupid. 

"Uhh, okay." Thankfully, Namjoon isn't weirded out by your silly choice of words. Instead, he looks amused and there might have been something else in his gaze but you are too embarrassed to take notice.

You quickly leave the room and rush your way to the washroom. As soon as you're in, you splash your face with water.

What the fuck? Does Namjoon know? Does it mean that the other members know too? How are you ever going to face them again? 

Shit. Shit. Shit.

This is no good. You should have never confessed. You should never have listened to those excited beats of your heart and to those fluttering butterflies. Look where it got you.

"Don't worry about it, babe. It's all cool, it's all under control now." A voice reaches your ears from one of the stalls in the washroom. 

You assume the woman must be talking on the phone and you ignore it.

"Yes, I know how you feel about it but trust me this whole thing with Jungkook should be over in like a few weeks."

Now, that has your ears all perked up in attention. 

"You know, I don't even like him like that."

What. The. Fuck. 

"I'm not mad at you for it, relax babe, I love you."

And just like that, you hear the toilet flush and the doorknob jiggling followed by Niki stepping out. 

You pour the liquid soap on your hand and wash your hands with them just to look like you weren't eavesdropping on her conversation with her babe. 

Although, could it really be called eavesdropping when she was speaking so loudly? 

Thankfully, Niki doesn't find your behaviour suspicious and leaves the washroom with a small smile lingering on her lips. 

Uhh okay then. 

This is something. 

---------------------------------------------------------------

As soon as the shock dials down and you could think, you knew you had to tell someone. 

You don't know what and how to say, though. You can't just claim that Niki is cheating on Jungkook, despite your initial assumption being that. Because people call their siblings babe too right? Or their best friends? Yes, you can't just assume that she's having an affair behind everyone's back. 

But what you're plenty sure of and have heard Niki admitting is that she does not have feelings for Jungkook. What the heck is going on then? 

Before your mind can start running in circles, the door swings open announcing someone's arrival. Much to your relief, it's Namjoon, someone you can be honest with, without worrying about the technicalities. 

"Listen, I need to talk to you about something," you say, your voice coming out nervous yet firm.

Namjoon takes notice of your nervousness and smiles at you warmly, hoping to put you at ease. "Sure, go ahead."

"I went to the washroom and uhm, I heard Niki talking on the phone about something and I think you should know about it."

A small frown appears on Namjoon's face because of all things, he did not expect that what you had to say was anything related to Niki. He, however, keeps quiet and gives you an encouraging hum to go on. 

"I–She told someone over the phone that she doesn't really have feelings for Jungkook."

Namjoon looks as shocked as you had been but his shock wears off much much quicker than yours did. 

For the first time, he looks a little awkward having this conversation. Scratching the back of his neck, he gives you a small awkward chuckle. "I see what you're saying."

Your first thought to this reaction is that he does not believe you. It would make sense for that to be the case if Jungkook really had told Namjoon about the note. But that does not mean you don't feel incredibly offended and hurt right now. Just because you liked Jungkook does not mean you'd be lying. Is that how much faith Namjoon had in you?

"I'm not lying!" Your voice doesn't hide the emotions you're feeling, not that you were trying to hide them anyway. 

Namjoon's eyes widen and he immediately shakes his head. "No, no, no. That's not what I meant."

You cross your arms and look at him with a scowl, refusing to believe his words. "What did you mean then?" 

He yet, again looks a little sheepish as he answers, "It's just that I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything to me," you reply without missing a beat. "This has nothing to do with me. It has to do with Jungkook. Tell him that this girl probably has some ulterior motives or something. Save him from the heartbreak he will inevitably go through when he comes to that realisation himself."

"You're right, that's exactly what I should do." Something in Namjoon seems to click and he nods. "Wait, I'll be right back."

Just like that, he's walking out in a hurry leaving you all alone in the room. 

---------------------------------------------------------------

It's been fifteen minutes since Namjoon left. 

At first, you were walking with hurried steps from one end of the room to the other but then your anxiety got too much for you and you decided to sort out the skincare items and put them in place. 

Productivity is better than burning calories by walking in circles in a room. Right?

You were only putting the new moisturizer in the drawer when someone clears their throat to announce their presence. 

It rightfully startles you and you let out a small yelp. 

However, when you realise who the person standing in front of you is, it makes your stomach sink. 

Jungkook. 

The same Jungkook you have been avoiding for weeks. Not that it was difficult though, he had never really made any effort to reach out to you. But whatever. 

You swiftly look away from him and get back to work, not wanting to pay him any attention. Why should you? You're not his makeup artist anymore, he does not have any business to be here. 

"Umm, I need to talk to you about Niki." 

You don't respond.

Your silence is met with a sigh from Jungkook. 

"Hyung told me what you heard Niki say. Ummm can you please not share it with anyone else?" 

Maybe it was something about the way the words were phrased but they did not sit well with you.

Your hands pause and a scoff of disbelief makes its way past your lips. Is...is that what he wanted to talk to you about? 

That too, of all things to ask you to not tell others about it? As if you had told Namjoon about it to spread some sort of gossip. The only reason you bothered with it was because....well, you were worried for Jungkook. 

But imagine caring about someone despite being treated the way Jungkook treated you and then that person coming to talk to you for the first time in weeks only to tell you not to get involved. As if it was by choice. 

One thing was for sure, you were this close to letting out the words you have been holding in for a long long time. Your position as a makeup artist be damned. 

"It's just that if word gets out she will be framed as the wrong guy."

She....she will be the one framed as the wrong guy? And you being the one who could potentially do it, doesn't make you sound like the villain? What he's saying is you could do something that could end up making Niki the victim.

That's it. You have had enough. 

"Do you even know what you're saying?"  You speak the words out with your tone laced with every bit of anger you have been keeping in for weeks. 

Jungkook winces. "I do–"

"Let me finish. I have no business telling people what I heard Niki speak on the phone with lord knows who. Heck, if I was selfish I would have just stayed out of it because who's gonna believe my words against those millions of articles and fans shipping you two? But the only reason I thought you should know about it is because what if you really loved her or something? Knowing it later when you're much more invested would be way more painful and crushing." 

Something enters in his gaze but you're too furious to notice or to even pause to give him the time to form a response.

"Not to mention that you treated me like trash. Didn't bother talking to me. Changed your staff without giving a proper reason. Heck, I might just be a make-up artist and you might be a world-renowned artist but I thought we were more than that," for the first time since you started speaking, your voice goes quiet. "To me, you were more than the idol everyone sees. Maybe that's why I assumed I was also someone more than just a make-up artist to you."

"But I guess I was wrong," your voice cracks and as soon as the sound of your wavering voice reaches your ears, you know it's time to shut up. Because no way in hell are you going to cry in front of Jungkook. 

But somehow that single voice crack says a lot.

You have seen Jungkook cry in pain and frustration. You have seen him laugh until his stomach started to hurt. You have seen him drink until he's all giggles and smiles. Those moments had led you to believe that you two were friends, at least. But then if you two ever were friends, he has disrespected that friendship way too much for you to be calm about it.

Jungkook looks at the ground as if it would magically give him the answer to the question of what he should do now. When it doesn't, Jungkook battles himself and ultimately decides that it's best for him to simply say the truth.

He has complicated things enough.

"Niki and I aren't dating." 

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