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buckyhoney · 2 years

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𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐧

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: i can't tell you how much i love this fic, it's up there in my favorite i've ever written. im obsessed with it and proud of it, so hopefully you guys like it too! please let me know your thoughts <3

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: frank castle x reader

𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬/𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤/𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 & 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐥𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝! 𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫, 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭/𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬!

𝟏𝟖+ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 18+, language, drinking (but nobody is drunk, except david), unprotected sex, fingering, a hefty makeout-ish session, mutual pining?, light body worship, frank kisses you while you fuck, sorry for any missed typos!

You asked yourself how you ended up in this situation a million times.

You questioned how you started working on this case with David. You questioned how you ended up helping David track down and convince Frank to help him.

You questioned how you ended up playing nurse to the man who could never seem to come back with minor injuries- and you questioned how you ended up in a room with an empty bottle of tequila, a very drunk David, and a very quiet Frank.

David had started drinking when he sent Frank to check on Sarah and the kids. When he got there and fixed the cameras, Sarah misread the situation ending in kissing Frank- and David witnessing the whole thing on the monitor.

Of course, you were in no position to be telling him how to cope with seeing his wife kiss another man (internal or not)- so all you did was provide the alcohol and glasses.

It’s been weeks since you had a break, and now is an as good time as any to- unwind a bit. Finding the names of anyone involved with the tape was more difficult than any of you thought, especially when going to Homeland was not an option- and you’re working as ghosts.

When Frank returned, David was on his fourth glass of tequila with his head lying on the desk while the screenshot of the kiss was blown up on his screen. Even though you encouraged the drinking, you still wanted to be sober enough to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid- so you tapped out after your second glass and started drinking water.

“Jesus,” Frank sighs, walking up to the computer and seeing the screen- and half-empty tequila bottle.

“I guess he saw?” You nod, handing him the empty glass.

Frank takes the glass, tossing his jacket on the desk behind him.

“This is how we’re handling this?” You nod again, pouring the liquid into the cup.

Frank exhales and takes a sip. David lifts his head to see Frank, unsure what to say. All he does is shrug and walks over to his makeshift bedroom, and the two of you follow him.

The next hour is spent letting David talk about wherever his drunken state wanted. Frank would laugh occasionally and refill his glass. Frank held his alcohol well and stopped after only a few glasses. You remained with your water but egged on the banter between each other.

Frank laid back in the chair, resting his head against the wall and his hands in his lap. It was the most relaxed you’ve seen him since you’ve met him. It has only been three weeks- almost four. Frank didn’t really acknowledge you for the first few days until he came in bleeding from the four-inch gash on his arm and needed to be stitched up.

It seemed like a good idea not to piss off the only one who could properly clean and dress wounds.

After that night, you got more comfortable with each other. Mutual respect, you guessed.

You usually settled the arguments between the two men, helped keep the peace within the compound, and left to get supplies and groceries- since you were the only one who wasn’t supposed to be dead.

Even if he won’t admit it to you, Frank enjoyed your company. Just being around you helped settle the restlessness that plagued him most nights. Neither of you slept well and were up all hours of the night. Those nights both of you ended up eating in the kitchen while Frank let you talk about whatever.

There was a night that looked much like this one, except David was already sleeping on the other side of the compound. The bottle of whiskey was almost empty, and you bounced back and forth from exchanging stories from your lives before.

“Frank, do you miss sex?” The question was sobering to you, and you haven’t even been drinking.

“What?” He chuckles, waving off the unexpected question.

One that the longer you think about, the more you become curious. This was one subject that neither of you touched on your nightly kitchen conversations.

“Because I miss sex- do you miss sex?” David then points at me, making you shift in your seat.

If you were being honest, it had been months. One-night stands weren’t really your deal, and finding someone who understands your line of work wasn’t always easy- and getting yourself off was very difficult, considering your new home. There was very little privacy, and you weren’t going to leave it up to chance.

Frank’s ears and eyes perk up, but you shrug.

“Sometimes,” Frank adjusts in his seat, eyes locking with yours.

The real answer was yes- very, very much.

“I definitely miss sex- I miss sex with my wife,” He starts, reminding Frank about earlier today.

“- because I’m hung like a moose- I am!” David informs us with a small hiccup while he downs the rest of his glass.

You and Frank crack a smile and still looking at each other. The tequila was really taking over, you thought.

“You didn’t answer my question, Frank- do you miss sex?” The eye contact between you doesn’t break.

He takes a deep breath,

“Sometimes.” You inhale sharply, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, shifting your eyes over at David.

David laughs and claps his hands.

“That’s it! You need to get laid! Maybe that’ll get the stick out of your ass!” Frank clears his throat while you hide your faint smile behind your cup.

“I think it’s time for bed.” You stand up, taking the bottle from his hands.

Frank leaves with the glasses to the kitchen while you help David into his cot. He flops onto the cheap frame and groans something incoherently. Taking his robe and hanging over the back of the chair, you take a deep breath. You walk to your corner of the compound, changing into something more comfortable than your jeans and pulling your hair away from your face.

Frank clenched his jaw and began to wash the dishes in the sink, letting his thoughts run wild. He placed the wet dishes onto the drying rack and wiped away all the things racing through his mind.

“Need help?” You ask, walking into the kitchen.

“I’m done, actually,” Frank puts the last dish on the rack and cleans up the slipped water from the counters.

Hoping on the counter, you reach over and grab the back of chips and the bottle of tequila. Unscrewing the cap and taking a small swig, you hold it out for Frank. He hesitates but gives in. He leans against the counter in front of you, chuckling.

“He might be right,” You tease, bringing the handful of crushed chips to your mouth.

Frank cracks a smile, shaking his head.

“Get laid, and you’ll be as good as new,” Chuckling, your eyes meet again.

“Yeah? How you suppose I do that?” His voice turns raspy as the tequila slides down his throat.

You shrug, chewing on another handful of chips. Frank’s eyes fall down your body and back up to your eyes. A chill crawls up your spine, sending goosebumps over your arms and back. Frank’s mouth parts to say something, but nothing comes out.

You’re not wearing anything particularly sexy unless you counted sweat pants, socks, and an oversized t-shirt sexy- which Frank did.

You dust off the crumbs from your hands and hold onto the edge of the counter. It falls silent. All you can hear are the strain of the air conditioner and the hums from the computer monitors.

Frank shifts, standing upright and setting the bottle next to him.

Your heart begins to speed up when he takes a step forward. He swallows and takes another step between your legs. Neither of you has made a sound, too scared that any sudden change would bring whatever this was to a crashing hault. He towered over you; even on the counter, his body made you feel small.

Frank slides fingers onto the cool metal, barely grazing yours. You held your breath when your eyes flickered down to your hands and back up to Frank. He runs them over your fingers- they’re calloused and cover yours with ease.

His skin burned against yours while he began to play with them. He was studying your face and all its little details- wondering where you got the little scar right above your eyebrow and finally noticing how beautiful the color of your eyes are. His other fingers interlock with yours- now both fingers are tangled with his.

Nerves begin to settle in the pit of your stomach, unaware of his next move- but pleading that somehow his lips would find yours.

His eyes fell to your lips.

Frank wanted to know what they tasted like, how soft they were, and if you tasted like the vanilla chapstick that he always saw you putting on. Taking another step forward, he closed the rest of the gap between you.

You’ve never been this close, even with all the times you’ve stitched him up, never like this.

Hesitantly, Frank parts his lips, tilting his head slowly to the left. You inhale softly before tilting yours to the right. Your lips brush against each other before he teasingly pulls back.

Leaning forward, you close the gap. Frank parts his lips enough for you to melt into him. It’s soft, lazy, and still unsure. He toys with your fingers before you shake free and cup the sides of his face. Frank places his hands on your lower back.

The stubble tickled your palms, and you sighed into the kiss. Your fingers traveled to the back of his neck, racking through his hair. Frank wrapped his arms around your back, pulling you as close as possible. He holds you with so much care and so gently.

“Sarah’s a lucky girl,” You mumbled against his lips, chuckling.

Unable to hold back his laughs, he pulls away- the joke catching him off guard. Frank’s resting his forehead against yours with his hands still settled on your back. They creep under the hem of your shirt, feeling your cool skin against the palms of his hands. His thumb rubs the skin softly, easing your ever-growing heart rate.

Your hands find his jaw again, guiding him back to your lips.

This time you’re more comfortable, and the kiss is effortless. You wouldn’t have guessed that such a rough and brooding man would have such a gentle touch when it came to intimacy. He slides your shirt up your back but stops halfway up when he doesn’t feel a bra. Breaking apart from the kiss, he glances at your eyes for reassurance.

“It’s okay,” You whisper, kissing the corner of his mouth.

His hands feel unsteady, and he swallows the lump in his throat, before sliding it up the rest of your body and over your head. The shirt is discarded next to the bag of chips. The cold air hardens your nipples instantly, and Frank inhales sharply.

Your breasts hung perfectly on your chest. Frank looks down, caressing the side of your breast. Shivers go down your spine when his thumb rolls over your nipple. Taking your breast in his hand, he massages and kneads them.

His lips fall back to yours while your hands now tug on the hem of his shirt. Frank pulls it over his head and drops it beside him on the ground. The fresh marks and scars decorate his chest and abdomen.

Glancing down, you admire your handy work and trace the newest one. You had taken the stitches out a few days ago.

“It’s healing nicely,” He chuckles, tilting your chin upward and drawing your eyes back to him.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you attach your lips to his neck while your pelvis is brought towards his. His growing bulge presses against you, causing you to moan into his mouth softly. Frank drops his hand to your waistband, sliding inside and pulling them down. Lifting upward, Frank is able to slip them off your legs.

No panties either; it was like you were trying to kill him.

Sitting up straighter, you arch your back feeling his fingers slide further down- brushing over your clit.

You were embarrassed to admit how wet you already were. Before he even kissed you, the faint heartbeat started between your thighs. He exhaled when he slipped between your folds, arousal coating his fingers.

“Shit,” Frank murmurs.

Adjusting your body, you lean back just enough for Frank to have better access to your aching cunt. Slipping two fingers inside you, you moan against his mouth, gripping his shoulder. Neither of you was worried about waking David (especially with the quantity of alcohol he consumed), but it was better to stay on the side of caution.

“We have to try and stay quiet, okay?” He steadied his pace inside you; you nodded, biting back a moan.

He had to keep himself from moaning- watching your eyes flutter open and closed- he was completely mesmerized. You dug your nails into his shoulder, your mouth opening to make a sound, but nothing came out.

Frank leans down and peppers light kisses on your jaw and shoulder. He wished that you could be on a proper bed, but without anything big enough to fit both of your bodies- this was as good as it was going to get.

Your walls clenched around his fingers, and you rolled your hips into his hand, adding more pleasure. Frank sighed into your neck while he fluttered his fingers inside you, making your head fall back against the cabinet.

“Please- Frank, faster-” You were edging closer and closer to your orgasm, and you wanted to cry out, but you refrained- which seemed to push you even closer to it.

Picking up his pace, you tried to muffle the moan against his neck but failed. Frank wanted to tell you to keep it down, but he wanted to hear you. At this point, he didn’t care about being loud; he just wanted to make you moan even louder.

Frank nudged you to look at him; your eyes met once you got the hint. This time his eyes are flooded with lust and passion, letting you know he wants you to cum all over his fingers. Your mouth opens, and your face scrunches, pure euphoria falls over you, and the wave of pleasure crashes into you. Frank melts at the sight of your body tensing and relaxing.

“There you go, fuck- that’s it,” He groans when he feels your walls pulsating around him.

Frank cups your cunt, calming your body down from your high. When you’re brought back down, Frank brings his fingers to his lips. He couldn’t help himself; he wanted to taste your sweet arousal. The sight of him tasting your arousal was enough to make your cunt flutter and your breath hitch.

“Frank, m’want you inside me- m’want to feel you- please,” Your breaths are short, and your words fall out needier than you wanted.

Frank cuts you off but attaches his lips to yours. You’re crawling at his jeans. He chuckles, unbuttoning and shivering them down enough for you to pull himself out. Sighing, you wrap your fingers around him- whining, you slowly stroke him. Precum dripped from his head, coating your hand. Frank thrusts forward, relieving some of the pleasure.

“Baby, please, don’t tease me,” He sighs, catching your wrists.

Smiling up at him, you scoot forward, allowing him to position himself at your entrance. You feel his cock twitch while he slides himself inside you.

“Oh fuck-” You whimper.

Grabbing his hips, you use them to steady yourself while he pushes himself in. Frank uses the cabinet above you to keep himself up. He curses under his breath when he pushes the last bit inside you. Staying like that for a moment, you jerk your hips into him- desperately needing him to move.

With one hand on the cabinet, the other cups your jaw, and his lips attach to yours once more. Frank picks up the pace while your legs wrap around his waist. Ignoring the volume rule, you’re both grunting and whimpering against each other's mouths. Your bodies are hot, and sweat glistens over Frank’s chest.

Neither of you expected your night to end up like this, but neither of you regrets it. Frank’s cock twitches inside you while you clench around him with each thrust. His rhythm gets faster, and soon you are practically off the counter.

Incoherent sounds flow past your lips, and you’re holding onto his shoulders with all your strength.

“Frank, baby, I’m so close-” You choke out, your voice- strained.

Frank nods, continuing to ram into you. Your walls pulse faster around him, and your body feels weak. Pure bliss washes over you, overwhelming your body. Frank curses when you clench around him, feeling your body sink into him. Pleasure shoots through you, sweat beads in your hair, and glistens on your chest.

“Holy shit-” A shiver shoots up your body.

Frank’s thrusts fall inconsistent- he grunts with the final thrusts before cum spills inside you. You whimper with the last buck of his hips. Trying to steady his breathing, Frank’s forehead rests on the base of your neck.

You stay like this for what feels like forever. The only thing you can hear is the sound of panting and Frank blindly finding the drawer of towels.

“Are you alright?” He whispers, kissing your forehead.

You nod, squirming at the feeling of the towel cleaning up your thighs and cunt.

“Good,” Frank takes the towel, folds it carelessly, and places it next to you.

He slips back between your legs, fingers interlocking with yours. There is a moment of silence while you both study each other's faces, trying to figure out what the other is thinking.

You asked yourself how you ended up in this situation a million times.

You questioned how you started working on this case with David. You questioned how you ended up helping David track down and convince Frank to help him.

You questioned how you ended up playing nurse to a man who could never seem to come back with minor injuries- and you questioned how you ended up in a room with an empty bottle of tequila and with the same man naked next to you.

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dean-winchester-is-a-warrior · 2 years

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Go Before You Say Goodbye

Summary: Dean tells Y/N to go. Sam tells Y/N Dean wants her to stay. Who will she listen to, or should she just listen to her heart?

Warnings/Explicit 18+: Implied smut. Smut. Kissing. Necking! 😉Over the clothes rubbing. Angst! Dean being an ass. Sad Dean.

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Y/N

Word Count: 3,357

A/N: I got a request from @agirlwithanpureheart for a fic, where Mary's return into Dean's life complicates things between him and Y/N. So, this was what I came up with, I hope it’s what you were looking for, sweetie! I know this was a request you wanted for your birthday, so I'm so sorry it took me a couple weeks to get it to you! Hope ya like it! 💓

The beautiful divider at the bottom was created by @talesmaniac89.

"Jesus Christ, Y/N!" Dean shouted back at her as he walked down the hall toward his bedroom.

"I've told you three times in the span of an hour, there's nothing wrong, and there's nothing to talk about."

Y/N followed after him, refusing to believe him.

He opened his bedroom door and turned back to her as he stood in the doorway. "The only thing bothering me right now is the fact that you won't fucking drop this!"

He slammed the door in her face, but she just slammed it back open, banging it against the table and chairs that sat behind it.

"Dean, you have been a total asshole for the last four days. Ever since I got back from that rugaru hunt in Brisbane."

Dean kept his back turned to her, staring at the weapons on his wall.

"Are you pissed I went on my own? I told you I wasn't alone, I met an old friend there and she and I hunted the thing together. I was perfectly safe.

Dean crossed his arms over his chest and turned back to face her.

"You can do whatever the hell you want, hunt whatever you want, with whoever you want. Come, go, whatever! It's none of my business and I don't care."

Y/N rolled her eyes at him. "Yeah, right, you seem great with everything."

Dean's face was hard. "Look, Y/N just cause we started fucking each other regularly doesn't mean I think I have some kinda claim on you, okay? I know it doesn't mean anything, and you're gonna go do whatever the fuck you want to anyway."

Y/N reeled back like he slapped her. "What is the matter with you?" She said quietly, then louder, "Why do you get like this?"

Dean dropped his arms to his sides and advanced toward her. "I don't 'get' like anything. This is just who I am, sweetheart and if you don't like it..." he gestured to the open door.

Y/N stared at him for a moment before she asked a question she was dreading the answer to.

"Do you want me to leave?"

Dean's green eyes glittered darkly, his cold anger obvious. "When has it ever mattered what I want?"

His jaw was clenched tightly. His voice was quiet now, but it was like ice. "If you wanna go, just fucking go."

When Y/N stayed silent, he advanced on her again and shouted in her face, making her flinch.

"Go!"

Despite the fact that they were in his room, Dean was the one who stormed out. A few minutes later, as Y/N still stood silent in his bedroom, she heard the slam of the heavy, metal bunker door.

Slowly she made her way down the hall to her room and closed the door quietly behind her.

She grabbed her backpack and threw her pitiful amount of clothes into it. She grabbed the one or two books she owned, her deodorant, and hairbrush, tossed them all in the bag and zipped it up.

She left a note on her dresser, saying thank you to the boys and telling them to be safe.

And telling them goodbye.

***

Y/N sat at the table, cleaning her weapons and listening to the sirens scream outside the motel window. After life in the quiet, soundproof bunker, motels were hard to get used to again. In the two weeks she'd been away she'd barely slept more than a few hours a night.

Of course that wasn't all the fault of lumpy motel mattresses and drunken fights outside her window. She missed having Dean's hard, warm body pressed close against her, missed the reassuring weight of his arm around her waist.

She missed the way he'd wake her from a nightmare and kiss away the terror; how he'd stare into her eyes as he moved his body against hers, letting her know without words that she was safe, that he wouldn't let the monsters come.

She missed his cheeky grin and silly sense of humor. She missed hearing her name on his lips, and the way he'd find excuses to touch her, pushing her hair off her shoulder, pressing a kiss to her temple or massaging her shoulders as she sat slumped in a library chair.

She missed everything about him.

But she couldn't very well stay with someone who thought so little of her, who saw their nights of passion and connection as nothing more than "fucking each other regularly". She'd obviously started to annoy him, worn out her welcome. So no matter how much she missed him, she resisted pressing his name in her phone and calling him up.

She had to have more pride than that.

She put away her weapons just as there was a knock at her door. She ignored the little leap in her heart. It was probably someone who had the wrong room.

She sighed as she looked out of the peephole and saw it was Sam. She knew she had to let him in; she wanted to let him, she missed him too, but she wasn't ready for this conversation.

She unlocked the deadbolt anyway and swung the door open.

"Hey Sam."

"Y/N, hey! Can I come in?"

"Why?" Y/N asked, with a gentle smile.

"I miss you and...he..." Sam frowned. "...he misses you. So much. I just need to talk to you for five minutes."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Sam; it's not going to accomplish anything...the fact that it's you here and not him is kind of proof that - "

"Please!" Sam cut her off. "Please, Y/N, just five minutes." He gave her his very best puppy dog eyes and she groaned.

"Five minutes." She agreed as she walked away from the door.

Y/N grabbed a beer from the fridge and offered one to Sam, but he waved it away.

"No, I'm good."

Y/N leaned back against the table and took a sip before she put her free hand in her pocket and shrugged. "Okay, go."

Sam took a deep breath. "Dean is a mess. I mean, he's Dean, so it wouldn't be obvious to just anyone, but I see it."

Y/N shook her head. "Sam, he told me to get out. Said he didn't care what I did."

Sam was nodding. "I know that, but he didn't mean it."

Y/N scoffed. "Really? Cause the days and days he spent shutting me out and refusing to talk to me, barely saying two words and..."

Y/N stopped herself before mentioning to Sam that Dean had even rejected her when she tried to kiss him the night before she left. She thought that at least physically they'd still be able to connect and maybe she could reach him that way. But Dean had pushed her hands away and told her he was too tired.

That had hurt more than anything. Dean didn't always communicate well, she knew that, so she'd come to rely on his non-verbal ways of telling her he cared. The way he was with her in bed, the way he always reached for her, always eagerly pulled her close when she reached for him - it had shown her how much she meant to him, how happy he was that she was there.

But obviously that happiness and interest had worn out.

She shrugged at Sam. "Suffice it to say he spent quite a few days convincing me he was fine with me leaving."

Sam was shaking his head. "No, but he wasn't, he isn't. He..." Sam let out a frustrated breath and ran a big hand down his face before pushing his long hair back with both hands.

He reached out to her, imploringly, desperate to make her understand.

"Dean...he expects everyone to leave him."

Y/N scoffed again, rolling her eyes. "Well, when he acts like that, yeah, what does he expect."

"No. You don't understand. He acts like that because he's sure everyone is going to leave at some point. And he thinks that way because...well, because pretty much everyone has."

Y/N frowned and Sam shrugged. "Even I have, a couple of times."

"Look," Sam continued, "you know that we both got into this when we were really young, but you don't know that my Dad would take off for weeks at a time sometimes. And it would just be Dean, just twelve-year-old Dean taking care of his eight year old brother, with no idea when Dad was going to be back."

Y/N's eyes widened. "Jesus! I knew he took care of you sometimes, but he never told me that's what it was like."

Sam sighed. "Yeah, well. He tends to put our Dad on a pedestal, so I don't think he likes to think about the mistakes he made, or just how abandoned by him he felt, growing up."

Sam shrugged. "Then I fucked off to Stanford first chance I got."

He smiled ruefully. "And look, I still think I made the right decision for me, and I'm glad I went, but...it was still really hard on Dean, I know that."

Sam began ticking things off on his fingers, "Then the first girl Dean ever loved? He told her about who he was, about what we do, and she broke up with him. Dad died and left him, I fucked up and picked a demon over him, Cas lied to him, betrayed him and left, and then I..."

He hung his head. "I left him in Purgatory. I mean, I didn't know he was there, but...I also didn't try to know. I didn't look for him." He was quiet a minute. "I'll regret that every day for the rest of my life."

He looked back at Y/N. "He's forgiven me, I know, but that feeling...that feeling of being left behind by someone he loves, it's still there inside him, I know it."

Y/N felt her heart grow heavier and heavier with every fact Sam was giving her. Dammit, why hadn't Dean told her any of this stuff himself?

But of course, he didn't tell her because it probably wasn't clear in his own mind, and since when did Dean communicate his feelings and fears? She felt like hugging him and strangling him at the same time.

"And now," Sam continued, "with Mom taking off the way she did, it's even - "

"What?" Y/N asked, completely confused. "What do you mean, she took off? Dean said she was on a hunt. When I came back from the rugaru hunt and asked where she was, he said she was hunting."

Sam shrugged. "Well, she might be. But no, she's not coming back to the bunker. She told us..." Sam swallowed hard and Y/N knew this was something that had hurt him too.

"She told us it was too hard for her to see us as grown men because we remind her of everything she missed out on. And..." he shrugged again. "I mean, I get it. I understand, but...she's still gone. You know? Dean still had yet another person he loves decide that he wasn't enough to stick around for. And I know...I mean, I know that it just ripped his heart out.

So then, when you took off for that hunt, and just sent a quick text saying you were gone, I think he just freaked, panicked, you know? I think he saw you walking out too."

Sam shook his head. "When he was being an asshole, and I know he was being an asshole, he was just pushing you away so you'd leave on his terms, so you wouldn't be another person he loves, choosing to walk away from him."

Sam smiled gently. "And Y/N, you are someone he loves."

Y/N smiled a teary smile. "Thank you, Sam. Thank you for telling me all this. But I still don't know if Dean is interested in me coming back. Whatever his motivations for pushing me away, he did still want me to leave."

Sam shook his head, adamant. "No, Y/N, he wanted you to stay. Don't you see? He wanted you to defy him and stay anyway."

Y/N shook her head in exasperation.

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, he's not an easy guy to love, my brother. He's gonna make you nuts, I speak from experience. I don't envy you if you decide to go back but," he stared at her earnestly, "will you go back?"

Y/N closed her eyes and all her own fears and worries came up, was she strong enough to withstand Dean's own self-destructive nature? Could she stay even when he told her to go?

In that moment, Dean's face flashed into her mind's eye, laughing and flashing her his warm smile and she knew she had to try. She wanted to give him a reason to smile like that more often.

She nodded. "Okay, Sam, I'll go."

***

Y/N pulled the heavy metal door shut behind her and started down the bunker steps, but stopped when she saw Dean standing on the third step up.

He had his big green duffel bag slung over his shoulder and he wore an expression of shock that faded quickly to a frown.

"What are you doing here, Y/N?" He asked softly, his voice deep and husky. Y/N had missed the sound of it so much.

Y/N raised her chin. "I'm here to tell you that you're an asshole and I absolutely refuse to let you force me to hurt you."

Dean frowned at her. "I was with you for the asshole part, but after that, you lost me."

Y/N sighed and pointed to the duffel bag. "Where are you going?"

Dean stared up at her, his green eyes intense. "I was coming to find you and tell you that I'm an asshole."

Y/N gave a teary laugh. "Well, we agree then."

Dean dropped his duffel bag and took the stairs two at a time to get to her. He stopped two steps below her and pulled her mouth down to his.

He kissed her deeply, roughly, desperately.

He looped his folded arms around her thighs and carried her to the top of the stairs. Y/N laughed breathlessly as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, relishing the silky feel of his tongue running along hers.

Dean pressed her against the closed door, letting her feet touch the ground again without taking his mouth from hers.

When he finally did break the kiss, allowing Y/N to take in some much needed oxygen, he simply moved his plump lips to the hinge of her jaw and nibbled there.

His nose rubbed gently behind her ear and made her shiver.

"Dean." She groaned, knowing that there were actual things that needed to be said.

He squeezed her waist and pulled her against him as he moved in to kiss her again, sucking on her top lip and effectively silencing her except for a deep moan.

He trailed kisses down her neck next, sucking bruises into her skin and making her dig her nails into his tricep muscles.

She let her head fall back against the door with a thump as he buried his face in the crook of her neck and pushed his hand up under her t-shirt to thumb her nipple through the lace of her bra.

He pushed her t-shirt all the way up and started to place kisses along the top of her bra when Y/N finally pushed him away with a desperate moan.

"No, stop. We have to talk."

Dean let her t-shirt drop back into place, but he put both hands on either side of her, braced against the door, and spoke low into her ear.

"But this is so much more fun than talking." He moved his left hand between her legs, cupping her through her jeans. "Let me show how very sorry I am."

He pressed his fingers in tight circles against her and she knew he could feel her soaking through her jeans. "See, I can make it up to you."

Y/N was panting now, but she held her ground. "You can make it up to me, by talking to me first." She ground down against his hand and groaned. "Then I am all on board for this part."

Dean pulled his hands away from her and dropped his forehead against hers before banging his fists softly against the door and pushing away.

He turned and walked forward to look out over the war room and the library, before leaning down and resting his arms on the railing. He dropped his head and sighed.

"Okay, sweetheart, here's what I was coming to tell you. I was an asshole. I'm sorry I pushed you away when you tried to kiss me, believe me I didn't want to. There's never a time that I don't want to be kissing you.

You asked me why I get that way, but the truth is, I have no idea. I don't know why I push people away like that, why I get so angry. I wanted you to stay, I want you to stay now. But..."

Y/N walked up to stand beside him at the railing, leaning back against it and turning her head to look at his clenched jaw and deep frown.

"But," he continued, "but I don't know why you would."

Y/N shook her head. "Well, that one I can answer for you, easy. I'm here and I'm staying because I love you, Dean."

His head snapped toward her and his expression showed fear. She ran her hand down his stubbled cheek and she placed a featherlight kiss on his lips.

"And I love you because you're the strongest man I know, you're the best man I know. I love you because you won't quit, you won't quit on the world, and you won't quit on the people you love. I love you because you're loyal and generous and so very good."

Dean was shaking his head now, his expression saying he thought she was nuts.

Y/N was terrified to ask her next question, but she needed to know. "Do you love me, Dean?"

His face fell into a blank mask, and Y/N couldn't read what he was thinking at all.

The silence was killing her, but finally he took in a deep breath and let it out in one short burst. "Yes." He shook his head. "God help you, but yes, Y/N. I love you so much."

His eyes sparkled with unshed tears and he straightened up and turned away from her. But she walked around him so that she was facing him again.

"Please listen to me. I need you to hear me. And if you say you love me, then I need you to believe me."

Dean's face was pained, the little crease was there between his eyes as he frowned at her. His mouth was tight and his breathing was shallow, but he was listening.

"Dean Winchester, I love you. I will not leave you unless you tell me to go. Please, don't tell me to go. I want to spend my life with you. I choose you. I will always choose you."

She reached up to thumb away the tear that fell down his cheek. "I promise all of this to you. And if you love me, you must believe I'm trustworthy. So, trust in me."

After a moment of staring into her eyes, Dean cupped her face in his hands and pressed his lips to hers in a chaste kiss, like he was sealing a pact.

"Okay, Y/N. I trust you."

He kissed her eyelid. "I believe you."

Her other eyelid. "I love you."

The he brushed his lips across hers, open mouthed and warm. "And I choose you too."

Y/N reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. She smiled warm and loving.

"In that case, you may carry on where you left off."

Dean let out a low chuckle and lowered them both to the marble floor. "I have a lot to make up for. It might take a while."

Their laughter rang out through the bunker and Y/N was so happy to be home.

@akshi8278, @lgranger67, @maggiegirl17, @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone, @foxyjwls007, @b3autyfuldisast3r, @myloversgone, @kazsrm67, @fangirlxwrites67, @kickingitwithkirk, @charred-angelwings, @hopefuldreamers-world, @siospins2, @deanwanddamons @deandreamernp, @my-sherlock221b, @jensensgotyoudean @lyarr24, @snowlovespie, @stixnstripesworld, @thoughts-and-funnies, @magssteenkamp, @norman1967, @princessmisery666, @mishkatelwarriorgoddess, @deepsketchsupernaturalcowboy, @eevvvaa, @b-i-t-c-h-i-e, @twirpbunwarrior, @mysweetlittledesire, @waynes-multiverse

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#dean winchester fan fiction #spn fan fic #dean x y/n #dean x reader #fic request

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sirenascales · 3 years

Text

-> double black [part six] 18+

-> Chuuya x 1stPOV!F!Reader x Dazai

-> Who knew getting fired from work could lead to this?

-> Content: SMUT, slight angst, violence, murder, swearing

The case is concluded and Chuuya collects his prize. [Chuuya x 1stPOV!F!Reader x Dazai]

3,461 words

warning: mentions of violence, murder, nsfw, smut, slight voyeurism

note: so i lied, there is one more part, which will be nothing but smut so be excited for that hehe

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Final || Masterlist

My ability is called Hell Hath No Fury and it gives me the ability to make a perfect clone of myself that is fueled by the anger, rage, pain and despair that dwells inside of me, and has been inside of me since I was small. The anger isn't something that's just there, I've been through a lot of things in my life that left my weary soul full of the negative emotions that powers my clone. I don't particularly like using my clone, as she could be quite scary. Like anger and hatred, she could be very hard to control sometimes.

"She is quite scary, huh?" Dazai hummed, voice full of humor as I told him about my ability, us now back at the ADA. I sat at my desk, shoulders slumped. "Took me by surprise~"

I laughed softly at him, shaking my head as I read the official report that was written at the conclusion of the Taichi investigation. There was an unreadable look on my face as I read through the text, Dazai swaying his chair from side to side beside me.

"It says that Taichi was killed by the drug dealer..." I repeated, grimacing as I recalled Chuuya shooting the same man right in his head. "I don't... know how to feel about this."

I was the one who killed Taichi, yet here I was, sitting at my desk in the ADA office with no consequences coming my way. Further reports say that the drug dealer soon met his own demise due to the retribution from the Port Mafia, which wasn't an exact lie.

"Just go along with it, Bella. The only ones who know the truth are-"

"I can't believe you would do something so... incredibly stupid." I winced as soon as Kunikida started barreling down on me, sighing as he continued to lecture me.

Of course, we had to tell Fukuzawa, as well as the rest of the core members of the ADA what happened. It was only fair, considering we had to make sure the story was solid. It was rather nerve wracking to say the least, and in total me fashion, I had cried right in front of the President.

I thought I would get fired, but all I got was a week's suspension. "Get some rest," Fukuzawa said to me, leaning back in his chair. "You're going to need it." I nodded my head, standing up and bowing to him quickly before I left his office.

"I guess I'll see you guys soon," I said to the others, holding my bag full of belongings in my hands. I gave them all one last wave before walking out of the office, aware of Dazai following behind me. As always, I chose to walk down the stairs, only going down two flights before I turned on my heel, dropping my bag and wrapping my arms tight around the taller man.

"Oof," Dazai gasped out before he wrapped his arms around me, chuckling a bit as he gave me a squeeze. "It's not like you'll be gone forever."

I sighed, keeping my face pressed against his chest. "I know. I think all the adrenaline from... everything finally left and now I honestly feel like shit. I'm so tired, Osamu."

"... would you like me to come with you?" Dazai asked and I shook my head, giving him a playful, scolding look.

"You need to finish that report, you lazy bastard," I replied, Dazai already whining and I rolled my eyes. "Call me later?"

Dazai stopped whining, gently cupping my face with his hand. He leaned in and kissed me, stealing my breath away as he always had. He smirked at my flushed face, stepping back. "Yeah. Now go."

I left him by the stairs, making my way back to my apartment. Now that I had a week off, I wasn't sure what I should do. I guess doing was Fukuzawa said and just resting would be a good thing, seeing as I was tired, both physically and emotionally.

But even as I try to sleep, I find myself tossing and turning, waking up every hour. I slumped on my back, letting out a frustrated breath as I stared at the ceiling.

"You know, bella... you're disrupting my beauty sleep," Dazai spoke from beside me and I rolled my eyes, huffing out a breath. Dazai chuckled softly, laying one arm under his head while the other rested over his tummy. "This will pass in time."

I sighed softly. "It's weird... I don't regret it."

"But you still took a life."

"Did you feel this way when you first killed someone?"

"... I honestly don't remember. When you're surrounded by nothing but darkness and carnage for a long time, stuff like that is nothing to be concerned about."

I frowned. "When you were in the Port Mafia... you were partners with Chuuya, right?"

"Like I said, we were the best~" Dazai sang and I smiled softly.

"Just imagining the two of you fighting together is kinda scary..."

"Well, when you have someone like Chuuya and the youngest executive in Port Mafia history, yeah, we were pretty scary!"

I choked. "You were an executive?!" I exclaimed in shock. I thought about Chuuya, and how he worked alongside the Leader of the Port Mafia himself. Dazai was that powerful? And with someone like Chuuya...?

"That's..."

"Terrifying?"

"Hot."

Dazai sputtered, bursting out into a fit of laughter. "You like dangerous men?"

I grinned widely, finally turning to cuddle against him. "Blame it on the daddy issues," I answered, making him snort. "Why did you leave?"

"You should try to get some sleep," Dazai replied, changing the subject and I shrugged my shoulders.

"Yeah, though I won't be surprised if I can't," I mumbled unhappily, shifting a bit to get comfortable. I closed my eyes, hearing Dazai chuckled softly as I started to doze off.

Unsurprisingly, I slept like shit that night, my eyes were sore, the bags under my eyes puffy and dark. I groaned, waving Dazai goodbye tiredly as he left in the morning, heading to work after I scolded him for trying to sleep in and skip work.

The door closed behind him and I let myself fall back on my couch, just staring into nothing for a while before I grabbed my phone, pressing on Keiko's contact and calling her. She didn't answer.

After pressing the button on the side of her phone to end the incoming call, Keiko sighed nervously as she approached the man sitting in the desk before her, hands shaking as she placed down a large, thick envelope.

"Here you go. That's all of it," she said softly, quickly withdrawing her hands away and clasping them together against her chest.

Chuuya watched her carefully, noticing just how scared and timid Keiko was acting, and he honestly didn't blame her, not after what she's been through, and especially how Taichi continued to throw her under the bus, even after his death.

"I swear... I had nothing to do with what he was doing..." her voice trembled and Chuuya sighed deeply. He dug into his drawer, producing a cigarette for both himself and Keiko. She allowed him to light hers for her and there was a silence as they each took a drag.

"I believe you," Chuuya started, leaning back in his seat. "He used your name to open that offshore account and the safety deposit box, making sure not to have this all trail back to him." Keiko hung her head and Chuuya thought back to when he first saw her. She was way more outgoing and cheerful, and admittingly had a very sensual, attractive aura that even he himself would be into if she hadn't been with Taichi.

It was a shame to see that all gone, all because of one coward. It pissed Chuuya off immensely. She was essentially betrayed by someone she trusted, and Chuuya could relate to that all too well.

"But, everything is finally coming to a close with all the money Taichi stole from us coming back. Don't worry, Keiko, our investigation makes it more than clear that you are innocent in this. You have nothing to worry about," Chuuya said, but Keiko still looked troubled. She said my name softly and he looked at her questionably.

"What about her...?" she asked softly. "Is she clear?"

"You did see the official report, right?" Chuuya replied in turn, taking another drag from his cigarette. Keiko nodded silently. "It wasn't that hard to form the story. There was at least some truth to it. The drug dealer was as good as dead... as well as Taichi. She just beat us to it. We can let this slide."

Keiko sighed in relief, taking another drag from her own cigarette. "That's a relief... I was worried about what would happen to her."

"Nothing," Chuuya answered. "And we will be keeping an eye on her for a while too."

Keiko nodded in understanding. "I'm still worried about her, though. She's been having a hard time sleeping and I'm sure it's just... everything finally getting to her..." Keiko sighed deeply, rubbing her eyebrows. "But I don't know what to do... she's in this mess because of me, I wanna help her but I don't even know how to help myself!"

"And that should be your main focus right now," Chuuya spoke, crossing his arms over his chest. "Don't worry about her. I'll take care of her."

"But why?" Keiko questioned. "It's not like you care about her. Or love her."

Chuuya rolled his eyes. "There's no love there, but she's... fun."

Keiko snorted at that. "She's not one for love and relationships. I guess that's why she's involved with you, and Dazai. There's a mutual understanding there, and I guess if it works for you guys, then it's okay. But-"

Chuuya quirked an eyebrow. "But?"

"She's still sensitive. She wears her heart on her sleeve, so even if there really is no love here, I'm sure she still cares for you guys. That's just how she is. So I ask... just don't hurt her. That's all. If it all ends... just make sure she doesn't get hurt." Keiko clenched her fists. "I don't know what I'll do to you if she does."

Chuuya just stared at her, pleasantly surprised. He let out a short laugh. "Are you threatening me?"

"Yes."

Chuuya grinned, laughing again as he shook his head. The loyalty in this friendship was honestly a sight to see. It was refreshing. "I don't usually respond well to threats, so I'll let this slide. You've done all you can do, so you can head on home if you want. If you're lucky, we won't see each other again."

"Well, if you're still seeing my best friend, we probably will," Keiko said, standing up, feeling a little less nervous. "Goodbye, Chuuya. Stay safe out there."

Chuuya nodded. "I hope you can heal and become your old self again. It's sad to not see that pretty smile on your face."

Keiko blushed brightly. "Shameless flirt," she shot at him playfully, turning away from him to leave. Chuuya laughed loudly from his desk.

"So, are you okay now?" I asked Keiko over the phone, her telling me about her meeting with Chuuya. She first apologized for ignoring my call, but it didn't bother me that much. I was only glad that she was doing okay.

"Yeah, I'm alright. Gonna spend the rest of the day home and figure out what to do."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well... I'm thinking of going away for a while. Maybe for six months... just to heal and find myself again."

"Six months?! What about your job?"

"I quit. I want to start my life over again, but I love Yokohama, so I figured... I can get another job when I come back! I'm gonna sell my condo too!"

I was stunned. "I... but where do you plan on even going?!"

"Hm... maybe Europe? I'm not sure yet. Are you... okay with me leaving?"

"Of course! I support you with everything you do in your life. I just want you to be safe and okay..."

"I'm glad. I'm pretty determined, but don't worry! I will always come home!"

Keiko and I talked for a while after that, a smile on my face as we ended the call. I was happy to see that Keiko was trying to turn her life around, proud of her for being so strong. It was rather inspiring, and helped me to gain my own strength to get my shit together as well.

The day went on, and I was in the kitchen making an early dinner when there was a knock on my door. I was annoyed, thinking it was Dazai flaking out on work again, but as I opened my door, I was surprised to see a certain red head at my door.

"Chuuya?"

"Wow. You look like shit."

I rolled my eyes and scoffed, turning and walking back into my kitchen, Chuuya following behind me.

"Gee, thanks."

"What are you doing?"

"Cooking an early dinner. You want some?"

"Yeah, sure."

It wasn't long until Chuuya and I sat across from each other, chowing down on some food and filling our bellies.

"So, what's up?" I asked him, drinking some water. Chuuya was still stuffing his face, almost choking at one point before he downed his glass of water to save himself.

"Well," Chuuya coughed. "I came here to collect my prize."

I blinked. "Your prize? What are- oh," I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. That stupid race Dazai proposed. Chuuya was the one who figured it all out first, and I was the prize for the lucky winner. "So, you wanna have sex later then? I'm cool with that."

Chuuya scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "No. Well, yes, but no. Not yet. I'm taking you somewhere."

I raised my eyebrows. "Where?"

"Shut up and don't worry about it. You'll see when you get there."

I narrowed my eyes at him, just wondering what the fuck he was up to. What could it possibly be that he wouldn't tell me what his plan was? It was rather suspicious and I began to grow wary.

But we finished eating and Chuuya didn't even give me a chance to pack before he dragged me out of my apartment. I managed to get my keys, phone and purse, and I gave him the stink eye the entire time I was stuck in the backseat of a fancy car with him.

"Are you having me killed?"

"I will if you don't shut up."

I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest as Chuuya took me to my supposed doom. But we arrived at our destination, and I was extremely confused as I looked up at the rather luxurious hotel. I didn't get the chance to question it, Chuuya leading me inside. We were immediately greeted by the hotel attendants, and led to the elevator. We rode it all the way to the top floor, the attendant leaving us alone as the doors opened and we walked out into the hallway.

"Chuuya..." I let out a small breath as he led me inside the penthouse, my jaw dropping as I took my first look at the very luxurious space. "What is this?"

"Keiko told me you were having a rough time," Chuuya spoke, taking off his hat and then his jacket, hanging them up carefully. "I figured this would help you. Full body massages, jacuzzi, anything you could ever want to just... relax. It's all here."

"But... Chuuya, you didn't have to," I whispered, still in awe with my face heated up.

"Well, just deal with it," Chuuya huffed.

"Isn't this expensive though?"

"It's nothing. Just... think about this as my prize. Taking care of you."

Now my face was burning hot, Chuuya's own flushed red. I gave him a look, his words making me smile a bit despite how flustered they made me.

"You sound like a sugar daddy."

He didn't respond. That made me giggle. "How long will we be here."

"For the week, until you get back to work."

"But how did you..." I trailed off, gasping when Chuuya gave me a light push further into the penthouse.

It was an amazing, large open area space with a full kitchen, all the top appliances, a flat screen and a huge king size bed. The bathroom was just as fabulous, the large soaker tub calling my name.

"Oh, I need to get in that," I declared, making Chuuya laugh lightly. He watched as I looked around the bathroom, taking it upon himself to start filling up the tub. I turned to him and smirked. "Will you join me?"

"Like you have to ask that."

After finding a nice smelling bath bomb to put in the tub, Chuuya and I undressed and carefully climbed inside, sighing blissfully as the hot water immediately began to relax our muscles. I sat between Chuuya's legs, my back against his chest and my head resting against his shoulder. My eyes were closed, Chuuya's strong hands roaming all over my body.

"Tired?" Chuuya asked me softly and I sighed, nodding my head.

"Yeah... like Keiko said, I've been having a shit time sleeping," I answered, turning my head to lightly kiss Chuuya's jaw lightly. "But maybe a relaxing massage would help. Oh, but it's kinda late, huh? The masseuse would be gone by now."

Chuuya's hands continue to roam my body, one moving south. I let out a deep sigh when he began to rub circles on my clit.

"Yeah... but I can think of other ways to make you sleep," Chuuya whispered in my ear before he bit into my earlobe. I sigh again, Chuuya then capturing my lips with his own.

After making me cum on his fingers in the tub, we finished up in there before we found ourselves tangled up in the sheets of the king sized bed. Chuuya had my legs thrown over his shoulders, his cock plunging deep into me with every thrust he made.

"You're mine..." Chuuya breathed out, hissing and moaning from the pleasure. "... for the entire week... gonna make sure the only name you know is mine." He growled, clenching the sheets on either side of me tightly in his fists.

"Oh, yes, yes yes!" I cried out, back arching off my bed, eyes going wide as a voice that was not Chuuya's spoke up.

"Oh, that's just cute."

Whipping our heads around, we were shocked to see a certain detective standing at the foot of the bed, lecherous grin on his pretty face. We froze, Chuuya's cock still inside me, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Dazai?!" I shrieked.

"How the fuck did you get in here?!" Chuuya followed, glaring at the man. "What the hell?!"

"You can't hide things from me~" Dazai sang, not even hiding the fact that he was enjoying what he was seeing, his eyes slowly trailing over both of our naked bodies. "I was wondering why you called me to ask about her schedule... so I did some digging."

Chuuya hung his head, gritting his teeth in annoyance. "I am going to kill you."

Dazai laughed heartily, waving his hand dismissively. "No, no! Don't let me disturb you! I can watch! You guys were having so much fun!"

Before Chuuya could even react, he ended up groaning, his wide blue eyes finding mine. "Did you... fucking like that?" he asked and I stuttered a bit. "Do you want him to watch us?"

Another chill went down my spine at the thought and Chuuya groaned again as I clenched tightly around him. Chuuya cursed, feeling his cock twitch inside of me. He cursed again, becoming more overcome with arousal.

"Interesting," he breathed out, small puffs of air hitting my face. He smirked slightly, glancing back at Dazai. "This brings back memories."

"Fond memories," Dazai hummed and I looked back and forth between the two of them questionably.

"What are you guys talking about?"

Both of their eyes were now on me, and the intensity of their gazes made me gasp sharply, another chill going down my spine.

"Why have him just watch," Chuuya began, nuzzling his face against my neck. "When he can join us? Oh, fuck, you squeezed me so tightly just now..."

I trembled, heart hammering in my chest at the mere idea. A threesome? With Chuuya and Dazai. Looking over, I catch Dazai slipping off his tan jacket, gulping as he started to work on getting his shirt off.

"We have a week, right? Oh, this is going to be so much fun."

-End

#bsd x reader #chuuya x reader #dazai x reader #chuuya smut #dazai smut #bsd smut #yeehaw were finally on the home stretch

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hesbuckcompton-baby · 2 years

Text

Just Come Home - Ronald Speirs x OFC - Chapter 10

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9

Summary: On the day of her mother's homecoming party, Valerie struggles to come to terms with the implications of her return, and Ron realises it's time to break the news to her

Warnings: Language, description of an anxiety attack, alcohol consumption

Tags: @50svibes @cagzzz107 @yentroucnagol @mads-weasley @mrsalwayswrite

Word Count: 3.7k

It had just gone five in the morning when Valerie woke, squinting in the darkness that flooded her room. She'd been home almost two weeks now, and in that time she'd moved into the spare bedroom where Ron slept, finding herself almost entirely unable to fall asleep without him now. Sometimes it made her laugh when she thought about how she'd quite literally barricaded her room at night when they first met, and now she couldn't rest unless she was lying beside him.

Padding across the floorboards without making a creak came naturally to her as she slipped out of bed, creeping silently towards the door and shrugging on a nightgown. Her parents slept soundly at the other end of the hall - her mother slept like a rock at all times, and her father's snores made the bedroom door practically rattle on its hinges. She slipped down the stairs, bare feet cold against polished wood as she descended into the main hall.

The Harmon's house was so large that Val had barely been in half of it since she'd returned, limiting her ventures to the library, the kitchen, Ron's room, and her favourite sitting room. The only people awake at this time were the staff, and she spoke a hushed good morning to the maid clearing the fireplace in the front room before heading down to the kitchen.

Cook wouldn't be up for another hour to prepare breakfast, so the kitchen was practically empty, save for a kettle boiling unattended on the stove. The kitchen was around the back of the house, opening out onto a side driveway used for food deliveries on days like today, when too much food was needed for a simple trip into town. Today was Valerie's homecoming party, a day that her mother had been planning since the moment she'd discovered her daughter was alive. Mrs Harmon had elected to give Val a few weeks to settle in before throwing her back into high society ("Gee, thanks mom," She had said, half sarcastically), but tonight was the night.

The pantry was stuffed already, and another truck was coming with more food later that morning. Valerie made herself some toast with raspberry jam and perched atop one of the stools the staff used for their mealtimes, her thin frame appearing smaller than ever in the vastness of the dim kitchen. It was silly really, all this space to cook for a family of three. True, her mother's parties were frequent and lavish, but when Val thought back to all the time she'd spent in Europe scavenging towns for enough food to feed the Company, the stocked pantry in her house seemed too... easy.

She was perched in one of the armchairs in the library when Ron came down an hour later, catching her in his peripherals as he brushed through the hall towards the sitting room. He had been back for two days now, having gone down to Massachusetts for four to visit family.

"Good morning," He smiled gently, leaning against the doorframe. "How did you sleep?"

"I've slept better since you've been back," Val said, using her hand to mark the page in her book. "Pa says he wants to take you into town and buy a new suit for tonight, you should go down and grab some breakfast - he'll be up soon, and he likes to get an early start to these things."

"Will do," Ron swept through the library towards the kitchen, hands in the pockets of his dressing-gown, pausing halfway to press a kiss to Val's forehead. She could hardly fathom how home felt more like home to her when he was around, but as she rested her head against the back of the armchair and watched him leave the room, she decided she'd go anywhere with him.

When he came back up with some food, they went into the dining room, sitting opposite each other down at the far end of the table. Ron ate his eggs quietly as Val sifted through yesterday's post.

"I'm so looking forward to seeing Lipton again," She grinned, thumbing the corner of his last letter. "And I'll finally meet his wife! They're coming down this morning, they've decided to get a hotel room in town."

"They're not coming here?" Ron asked.

"I offered, but I think they want a little more privacy. They're not staying long, only a couple days. Marie has friends up in Maine, they're going there after."

He hummed in response, taking another mouthful of his eggs. Thudding footsteps came booming down the stairs, and a moment later Valerie's father appeared in the doorway.

"Ah, Ronald!" He exclaimed. "Getting an early start, I see, good man. I'll have the driver take us into town at eight-thirty. The tailors don't open until nine, but I'm friends with the owner, we'll get in early to make sure everything's ready for tonight."

"Where's Mama?" Val asked.

"Hassling the cook, I imagine," Her father shrugged. "Hasn't left the poor woman alone for a week. This had better be the finest dinner I've had in all my life to warrant all that fuss."

Ron and her father left precisely on time, and about an hour later the final truck bringing more food for the party arrived, engaging her mother in the same bustle that she got herself into whenever such occasion arose.

Valerie herself had decided to relieve the house staff's burdens by helping out around the house. As she headed out to collect the mail from the box at the end of the long drive, the sleeves of her blouse billowing fervently in the wind, pebbles grinding noisily under her feet, she noticed one of her neighbours pass by, stopping her car at the end of the drive. Mrs Gibson looked far older than she had last time Val had seen her, but she retained that nosy look she'd always had about her, peering through her small eyeglasses at Valerie as she rolled down the car window.

"My, my, haven't you grown!" She exclaimed. "We were all convinced you were dead!"

Val nodded, reaching into the mailbox to retrieve a few late RSVPs from guests they expected that night. "Nice to see you too, Mrs Gibson. You haven't changed a bit."

The old woman either ignored or did not hear her second remark. "I remember when people around here stopped looking for you, people were saying all sorts of things! Beryl said you'd been shot by the Nazis," She paused to spit aggressively onto the gravel, causing Val to step back in an attempt to avoid it. "But Mrs Halloway down the road insisted you'd been taken to one of those prisoner camps everyone was talking about, and that you weren't dead at all! I suppose she was partially right, eh?"

Valerie let out a stilted, ingenuine chuckle. "Right, yes, I suppose she was."

"So what did happen? Everyone in town will be dying to know."

Val's brow creased, her grip on the letters in her hands tightening. "I, um, I don't really want to talk about that, I-"

"Well, you can't expect people not to ask, dear. We all poured out for your funeral - all that money wasted!"

"Mrs Gibson, you are free to speculate as much as you wish, I really don't care, but I'm not about to pour out my life story to you just because you asked, because it's really none of your fucking business." She snapped, the creases in the letters she clutched growing deeper.

Mrs Gibson frowned, adjusting her glasses to peer at her. "Well, you see here-"

"No." Val interrupted. "I have things to see to, good day Mrs Gibson."

Before the old woman could get in another word, Valerie turned and began stomping back down the driveway. Her chest felt tight, her lungs sore with each breath she pulled in. She burst through the front door, slamming the letters down on the table, and hurried up to her old bedroom, locking the door behind her.

Val's eyes were clouded with tears, her throat scratchy and sore as she wheezed in each inhale and let out each exhale with a wavering gasp. She tried to control her breathing, but no matter what she did they still came ragged and tore through her, her heart beating so hard that she could hear it as blood began to rush to her ears.

Arms wrapped tightly around herself, she sank to her knees in the middle of the floor, eyes squeezed tightly shut and she struggled to breathe and not to cry. Running a hand through her hair to pull it out of her face, Val lay back onto the floor, wooden boards cold and hard through the fabric of her blouse. How the hell was she supposed to do this? How the hell was she supposed to launch herself back into society tonight when she couldn't even handle one prying old woman? It was unreasonable to expect no one to even be curious about the socialite who disappeared off to university in Europe and was never seen again, who vanished in the chaos of war, whose empty coffin is still buried just over the hill.

She laid there quietly for a while, head resting against the solid floor, her hands cold and her feet pricking with pins and needles as she gradually took control of her breathing again. It took a long time for her chest to stop feeling constricted, for her throat to stop sucking in each breath with jagged inhales as if she would die without it. Through the floorboards beneath her she could hear her mother talking on the phone downstairs, her voice muffled and indistinct, but solid enough to tether her to reality, real enough to give her something to focus on until she felt like she could move again.

After what felt like hours, but couldn't have been more than fifteen minutes, Valerie pushed herself up, shuffling on her knees towards the dresser, propping herself up beside it with an elbow, her chin level with the tabletop as she stared back at her own reflection. It was clear she'd been crying - her cheeks colourless, her eyes puffy and red. She pulled herself up into the chair, staring at herself for another moment before sniffing loudly, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand before slathering her skin with powder until she resembled herself again.

"You're gonna go to that party," She whispered to herself. "You're gonna go and you're gonna smile and say hello to everyone and you're gonna be fine. You'll see Lip and meet Marie and Ron will be there and you can just stay with them until it's all over, you'll be fine. No one is entitled to hear about what happened, and no one worth talking to is gonna ask. Tonight is about you, not fuelling the town gossips. You're gonna be fine."

Valerie took one last deep breath and stood up, heading downstairs as if nothing had happened, smiling at her mother as she passed ad if nothing was or had ever been amiss.

Later that evening, as she strained to fix her lipstick in the bathroom mirror, music wafted up through the floor from downstairs, the steady rumble of conversation from below alerting her to the fact she was now late to her own party. She stepped back, admiring her hair which she had spent the last three hours desperately trying to make sit in perfect waves, and smoothed down her skirt before exiting the bathroom.

Her dress was gorgeous, and she loved it immensely - it was a strapless thing made of maroon velvet, the skirt held out by petticoats in a fashionable silhouette that stopped just above her ankles. She had gone out to buy it with her mother whilst Ron had been in Massachusetts, and had absolutely refused to show it to him before tonight.

Valerie reached the bottom of the stairs, rounding into the house's great central hall, which had been emptied off all the regular tables and other furniture to accommodate their guests, and as she entered the room it seemed that many of her old neighbours didn't even recognise her anymore. She stretched up onto her toes, peering over heads in search of Ron, but instead her gaze fell upon a kind, familiar face.

"Lip!" She practically squealed, barrelling through the crowd as best she could in heels, arms outstretched to launch into a hug the moment they made contact.

Lip huffed, stumbling back slightly at the force with which they had collided before wrapping his arms around her with a chuckle. "Trust you to be late to your own party," He grinned.

"Trust everyone else to start my party whilst I'm still in the bathroom," Val laughed, pulling back to smile at him, her grip firm on the shoulder of his suit jacket. She glanced to his side, and noticed a woman standing by, watching on with a smile. "Oh, you must be Marie!" She cried.

The woman nodded politely. "That I am."

"Lip, you never told me your wife was such a catch," Val teased, cautiously going in for a hug, which Marie accepted only once she'd handed her champagne over to her husband.

"Your house is wonderful," She noted once their brief embrace was over, looking up and around at the room.

"Aw, thank you. Lip has told me so much about you, I'm so glad you could come. Lip, have you met my mother yet?"

"Met her on the way in," He nodded.

Val tilted her head. "Aw, sorry about that. I shoulda come down earlier to protect you, I just hope she didn't accost you with family photographs."

"We saw a few," Lip chuckled.

"Damn."

The music changed from somewhere behind them, and a few couples made their way into the middle of the hall to dance, Valerie's parents included. Marie nudged her husband's arm at this and he smiled back at her, placing both their drinks aside.

"If you'll excuse us," He nodded. "I'll come by and see you again after dinner, you'd better find your date for this evening."

Val frowned, stretching up again to look around. "I couldn't see Ron on my way in..."

"I left him in the corner over there, he's not talking to anyone," Lip stated bluntly.

"Of course," She nodded and turned away to find him. At the last minute, Lip's voice stopped her again.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" He called. "I got a letter to pass on to you," He reached into his jacket and pulled out a small, white envelope. "From Grant."

A grin spread across Valerie's face as she seized the letter before wrapping an arm around Lipton's shoulders for one last embrace, just for good measure. "Thank you. I'll see you later!"

She navigated the room towards Ron with ease, crowds around the edge of the hall thinning out as people moved to dance in the middle. He didn't look away from a painting he was staring at on the wall until she was barely two metres in front of him, at which point his mouth hung slightly open for a moment before he spoke.

"Holy shit."

"Do I really look that bad?" Val asked sarcastically, grinning at him as she leaned up against the wall beside him.

"No..." He trailed off for a moment. "You look..."

She watched on expectantly, waiting for him to speak again for a moment before letting out a laugh. "Pick your jaw up off the floor, soldier," She grinned, seizing his cheek with one hand and placing a short kiss to his lips, leaving a scarlet lipstick stain in her wake. "You've seen a pretty girl before."

Ron looked her up and down for a second. "Apparently not."

Val paused momentarily before rolling her eyes, groaning mockingly. "Brother, I'd have stayed upstairs all night if I knew you were gonna go all sappy on me, Ronald," She teased, before suddenly remembering the letter Lipton had given her. "Oh, and hold this, will you? Lip gave it to me, it's from Grant," She explained, sliding it into the pocket of his jacket before he had the chance to respond.

"Yes ma'am."

One of the hired waiters strolled past, and Ron took two glasses of champagne from his tray, handing one to Val as he looked about the room. "Who are all these people, anyway?"

"Fuck if I know," She shrugged, her voice echoing inside her glass as she took a sip. "I know I was away for a long time, but I definitely never met half of these people."

"We could just stay over here and pretend it's not your party," Ron suggested.

"You know me so well," She grinned.

Her cover was swiftly blown when dinner arrived, at which point Valerie's mother shepherded her so that she was sat in the midst of some old neighbours - none of which she could recall having spoken to since she was about twelve. They seemed to pry less than Miss Gibson - and for that she was grateful - but sitting around sipping expensive wine and making small talk with bank managers and newspapermen felt so trivial after all that she'd been through, that she couldn't help but find it utterly intolerable.

How could these people sit here, only a few months after the war had ended, acting as if it had never happened in the first place? Why did she seem to be the only one to whom it all still mattered? And what had Val ever done to deserve what had happened to her when these people were allowed to come out without a single scratch or trace of the last six years?

When the meal was all over and people dispersed back into the hall to swap small talk and sip yet more champagne, Ron found himself suddenly unable to find her, his search of the room proving fruitless no matter how many times he scoured it, shuffling around the edges where he had expected to find her shrugging her responsibilities as Belle of the Ball. It wasn't until his third rotation of the hall that he realised the back door had been left ajar, and when he peered outside he let out a sigh of relief.

Valerie was stood out on the raised garden terrace, leant up against the stone railing, facing away from him as golden light shone through the window in the door and reflected off the velvet of her dress. Ron slipped outside, closing the door quietly behind him before coming to stand beside her, keeping a respectful distance as he waited for her to speak.

"It doesn't feel right," She stated. "How all these people go on laughing and drinking as if nothing ever happened. As if just because the war's over everything is ok."

"We're ok," Ron frowned.

Val let out an irritated huff. "The world's not become perfect just because we're not all trying to kill each other anymore. The people in there ate more in one meal than I used to get in a month."

"You're allowed to go back to the way things were. You don't have to punish yourself just because you're not suffering anymore."

She nodded, smiling half-heartedly and reaching her hand out for him to take, resting them on the railing.

"I got used to always being scared, I think I'm still not really used to being safe," She admitted. "I'm not used to being content with the way things are."

Ron took a deep breath then, a surge of guilt bubbling in his chest and settling like an ache in his stomach. He had to tell her. He couldn't hold it in anymore. It felt unfair to tell her now, to tell her tonight, when everything was supposed to be for her, to make her happy. But how could he keep this to himself anymore when she was coming to terms with the fact war was behind her?

The silence held steady between them until he broke it.

"I'm staying in the army."

Valerie didn't speak for a moment, and when she did her voice was quiet, her gaze fixed on a tree at the bottom end of the garden. "...Oh."

"I'm sorry for telling you tonight of all nights, I just... It wasn't right to keep it from you anymore. To let you get your hopes up about us settling down straight away, when I'm not always gonna be around."

She was silent, the way her chest heaved steadily inducing Ron to panic, mentally begging her to say something.

"I didn't get my hopes up, Ron," To anyone who didn't know her as well as he did, she would've sounded bitter, almost angry. But he could hear the kindness in her voice - the acceptance, even if she weren't happy. "I knew how much you loved it, I never had any expectation that you'd give it up for me. The army was your life a long time before I was."

"You can come with me," He offered hurriedly. "We-"

"I'm not leaving here again," Valerie stated. "I'm just not."

Ron nodded slowly, a thousand things he could say but wouldn't rushing through his head. What could he possibly say to her to make this better? 'Maybe you put the stars in my sky, and maybe you're the only thing that keeps the nightmares at bay anymore, but hey! Turns out I'm still going to leave you behind!'

It was quiet for a while as he scrambled for some semblance of comfort he could give her. "I won't be gone for long. Four, maybe five months."

"How long until you go?" She asked flatly.

Ron sighed. "Six weeks."

Valerie nodded slowly, and he swore he felt his heart break when her hand slipped out of his. She let out a harsh sigh, her breath forming a faint cloud of fog in the night air. "Well. I suppose that's that then."

And there she left him. Out on the terrace in the evening chill, her body silhouetted black as she walked away back into the light of the party, head held high, her fingernails pressing crescent dents into the skin of her palms.

Ron ran a hand over his face, and downed the rest of his champagne in one go.

#just come home #val x ron #ronald speirs #band of brothers #ronald speirs x ofc #ronald speirs x oc #ronald speirs x reader #band of brothers fic #band of brothers oc #hbo war #hbo war fic #carwood lipton #chuck grant #ron speirs #captain speirs #oc: valerie

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babymetaldoll · 3 years

Text

DIWK - Chapter six: "I don't know everything, despite the fact you think that I do"

My gif

Word count: 12,6K

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of drug use, drug detox, physical violence. Spencer being a jerk.

Summary: (Y/N) had enough of Spencer's attitude and plans an intervention on her own.

A/N: Hello! how are you? how's your week going? my life is a mess and I'm fighting with a lot of anxiety and stress after the month I spent with my grandparents, so I've been taking everything with calm in the latest days. I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Spencer is... and then reader... ok, read it, and see you in the comments! Stay safe, kids!!!

Series Masterlist

───※ ·❆· ※───

(Y/N)'s point of view

After New Orleans, I thought things were starting to get a little better. For a few days, Spencer was a lot like himself again. It was refreshing and exciting. He smiled. He even looked like he had slept. And he wasn't rude. Not at first. Not until that Friday.

- "Hey, pretty girl"- Morgan appeared next to my desk and tapped on the pile of files I was working on- Got any plans for tonight?

- "I was actually going to meet my boyfriend. Why? What do you have in mind?"

Yes. Paul and I had a date, 'cos I hadn't seen him in two weeks. We had spent San Valentine's apart, 'cos we were out on a case. And I barely noticed it. I didn't have my hopes high for that night, though. Maybe pizza, a movie... I didn't feel like having sex, even when it had been over a month since we had done it.

- "I'm clubbing tonight, and I know you are a party girl. So, do you wanna come with me?"

- "As tempting as it sounds, I pass"- I smiled at my friend and shook my head- "All I can do today is have a quiet evening, eat something, watch a movie and then call it a day."

- "Are you sure? 'cos Emily is on board, and you two are my party sidekicks."- I chuckled and kept shaking my head- "Ok, alright. You lose. What about you, pretty boy?"

Spencer had been awfully quiet that whole afternoon. He was buried in his paperwork and only moved from his seat to get coffee.

- "Reid? are you listening?"- Morgan waved until he got his attention. But Spencer apparently didn't want to talk- "Hello? Earth to Reid."

- "What the hell do you want?"- I brought up my eyes to my best friend, 'cos his voice was as annoyed as rude.

- "Hey, hey, slow down, kid. What's your problem?"

- "I'm trying to work, and you don't let me! That's my problem!"- Morgan raised an eyebrow and took a deep break.

- "Ok, my bad."

Spencer glued his eyes on his files again, and I kept looking at him closely for a minute. He was fidgety on his chair. He kept scratching his arms, and he had flipped from human to whatever he was when he yelled at Morgan in a blink.

Of course, shit wasn't over yet.

- "Hey, do you want a ride home?"- I asked him and stood by his desk on my way out. He was getting ready to leave too.

- "I can take the subway on my own"- he talked to me like I was insulting him- "And I don't wanna get in the way of your fake date,"- he grumbled and put on his coat

- "Sorry, what?"- I wasn't sure I had gotten that right.

- "Yeah, you have a date with your boyfriend, and I don't want to get in the way."

- "What are you talking about, Reid?"- I couldn't believe his words. He was acting like a jerk.

- "You know, I don't get it"- he was mad. Furious. And he snapped in front of me, out of the blue- "Why are you still dating that jerk if you don't even love him? does he fuck you that good?"

I could see from the corner of my eye how every head in the bullpen turned to us. I looked at my best friend in the eyes and didn't say a word. I just nodded and grabbed my purse.

- "Enjoy your weekend, Reid."

I knew I didn't have to take those words personally. Spencer wasn't himself. But I was growing tired of justifying him in front of the team and myself. It was time for the big guns.

I tried to ease my mind that night, preparing myself for what I knew I had to do the next day. But I couldn't shake Reid from my thoughts. I needed to know what he was doing if he had dinner. If he was able to sleep. Shit! I needed to know if he was getting high all alone in his apartment.

What if he overdosed? What if he just decided to go a little further and his body couldn't resist it? He was too skinny. He wasn't eating correctly. Shit! He could die.

- "Hey, babe. Are you ok?"- Paul asked me all of a sudden. He was kissing my neck and trying to get under my shirt, and I wasn't even moving. I was thinking about Reid and how to help him. And meanwhile, my boyfriend was trying to have sex with me.

- "Sorry, what?"- I know, that wasn't a good answer.

- "Are you even here?"- he sighed and let me go- "Let me guess, you are thinking about a case."

- "No, I'm just worried about Reid."

I know. That wasn't a good answer either, considering Paul's angry face as soon as he heard his name. Paul hated Reid. Ok, Paul hated every single one of my friends, but he despised Spencer. He would almost see him as his sworn enemy, and they had seen each other in person twice in over a year.

- "Now you think about that nerd when we are making out?!"

- "What?! No! that's not what I meant!"- I tried to explain, but it was clear that wasn't going to work- "He is going through a tough time after the abduction and..."

- "Yeah, yeah"- he cut me off and stood up- "Everything about Spencer is more important than me! I don't wanna hear that shitty and sad kidnap story again!"

- "I'm just trying to say I am worried about him!"- I stood up and followed him around the apartment.

- "You are always worried about him!"

- "He is my friend. He is in pain!"

- "And what about me?! Do you even care about me?!"

- "Sure! of course, I do!"

I knew that was it all of a sudden. I didn't even want to argue with Paul, and neither explain to him how much I needed to help Reid. So I didn't say a word. I only stood in front of him. He brought up his eyes to me and sighed. It took him a few seconds to gather the courage to say what he wanted to say. But when he did, it wasn't good.

- "You are in love with him, aren't you?"

His question made my blood boil. I hated he made such a presumption only because I was worried about Spencer. I loved him, sure, but because he was my best friend. I was with him all day, every day. I saw him more than my own family. More than Lu, Mikey, or Frank. And I knew Reid was in pain and in real danger. Of course, Spencer was my priority.

- "No, Paul. I am not in love with him."- I looked right into his eyes and tried to make my point clear- "He is going through a shitty situation, and I wanna help him. That's all."

- "And do you love me?"

He had never asked me that before. We haven't talked about "love" in the whole year and a half we had been together. And, to be honest, I didn't want to lie. I didn't want to hurt him either, but it was the end of the line, and we both knew it.

- "Paul..."

- "That's a no,"- he said and folded his arms across his chest- "If you don't love me, why are you with me?"

- "Do you love me?"

- "Of course, I do!"- I raised an eyebrow and stared at him for a second - "Don't profile me!"

- "I'm not profiling you. I'm just sure you don't! And that's ok. Paul, we... This is not a relationship. It's two lonely persons holding onto something that didn't work."

We just stared at each other and didn't say a word for what seemed to be for ages.

- "Despite what you might think, I know you, (Y/N)"- he took a step closer to me and kissed my forehead- "And I know you love him."

- "Paul, I really don't. He is my friend, and I'm worried about him"- he simply nodded and sighed.

- "Sure thing. Take care"- started walking to the door and never looked back.

I stood alone in the middle of my apartment. That was it. The easiest breakup because neither of us was in love. And yet, I felt empty and sad. Tears started falling down my cheeks, and I didn't notice them until I was sobbing.

I wasn't sad I had lost Paul. I didn't understand where that emptiness and misery were coming from. Maybe it was grief for a relationship that was never meant to work. Perhaps I was sad because I had failed to maintain a relationship. After all, work had turned into my life. I was just like my father and my brother.

A part of me felt I was slowly turning into what I had fought not to be. And letting Paul might mean I was no longer the old (Y/N). And the new (Y/N) scared me: I was a Fed, I worked over 50 hours a week, and I had killed people. Bad people, but I had pulled the trigger. I knew I had the job of my dreams, and I knew I loved working at the BAU. But with every day that passed, I was walking further and further away from the version of me I loved.

And I was scared of what the new (Y/N) was going to be like. Was she going to be like her dad and lose her family due to her work? or like her brother? who couldn't have a normal life 'cos being a detective was more significant.

I knew we all made our own personal decisions, but a part of me felt it. We were all cut from the same cloth, and I was meant to grow old, alone, and the BAU was going to be my whole life until the day I retired, and the loneliness consumed me.

- "I need a drink."

Spencer's point of view

I took a cab home. I didn't want to take the subway because it would take longer to get there, and I couldn't wait that long. I needed one more fix.

I had been telling myself the same for a whole week now: Just one more. One last time.

But it never was the last time. Every night I failed, and that Friday, I was so eager to forget, I wasn't thinking straight. I snapped at Morgan and (Y/N), just 'cos I was going insane, craving Dilaudid.

After New Orleans, I decided to stop using it. And for two days, I did it. But, of course, I couldn't handle the need. That needle was going to be my end, and I was struggling every day to quit. It was impossible to stop on my own when I needed to quieten the pain somehow.

You don't know how much pain you are into until you numb yourself, and the weight of all your troubles and regrets is lifted from your chest. I knew it was eating me alive, but I had to be strong and quit. So, every day I tried. And every day, I failed. Just like that night, when I laid in bed and slowly unwrapped my belt from my arm, losing all connection with reality.

I had yelled at my friends, and they were probably angry at me. But shit! It was worth it. Nothing was even relevant as long as I could feel the relief Dilaudid gave me.

But it never lasted. And the following day, I regretted it all. I woke up dressed on my bed, a needle next to me and an empty bottle of Dilaudid by its side. Just like a junkie. Tears filled my arms as soon as I realized what had happened. What I had done: I had failed yet again.

My whole body was shaking. I needed to eat something. My last proper meal had been Thursday when (Y/N) and I stopped for dinner on our way back home. And I guess if it hadn't been for her, I wouldn't have eaten at all.

I took a long shower, trying to wash away the guilt. It's obvious to say it didn't work. But I consoled myself thinking last night had been the last time. That day I was going to be strong enough, and I was going to quit. I had decided. Nothing could stop me that time.

My breakfast was miserable: I made coffee and took a look in my fridge. Nothing. All I ate that morning was a bowl of cereal (without milk) and two cups of coffee and sugar. Sugar and coffee, actually, like everybody teased me.

I tried to read for a while, at a normal peace, because my head was still fuzzy. So I sat in my living room and grabbed a book from my coffee table: "The Illustrated Man."

After a few hours and four books later, my mind kept coming to the same place. I was out of Dilaudid. And it was a good thing, 'cos now I just wasn't going to get any more. That was it. I had officially quit. Yes. And I felt good. It was a new day, and I was ready to be clean and sober. So I made myself another cup of coffee to celebrate and took a look at my bookshelf. I picked another three books and sat on my armchair, ready to keep on reading. I didn't need drugs to be happy.

Around three in the afternoon, I couldn't stop moving on the couch as I read the sixth book of the day. I drank yet another cup of coffee, even when I knew what I really needed was to get some real food. But I didn't care to starve at that moment. There was only one thought in my mind: Getting high.

Maybe I wasn't ready to quit. I should try leaving it periodically. Actually, perhaps having a bottle around the house could help me ease my mind. Knowing it was there made me feel better. As good as using it.

I was going insane. I kept debating whether I should stay home or find my dealer and just get a little dose. Just enough for one more time. Maybe two. I kept walking around my apartment, creating excuses in my head to get high.

And that was when I heard a knock on my door. I stopped on my tracks, confused. I wasn't waiting for anyone, and I wouldn't really have many unannounced visits. So I walked silently towards the door and looked through the peephole.

- "Shit"- my voice was a whisper I prayed (Y/N) hadn't heard.

What was she doing there? Maybe she had come to talk about my attitude at the BAU. I had said some awful things, but that wasn't really a good moment. I didn't want to see her. I didn't want her to see me like this. I didn't want anyone to see me. So I didn't open the door.

But she knocked again. I didn't move and almost didn't breathe as I stood still by the door, waiting for her to leave. But she wasn't leaving. Instead, she kept knocking over and over again, driving me insane until I snapped.

- "What the fuck do you want?!"- I opened the door and yelled at her face. She widened her eyes, surprised, and didn't move.

- "You just came to stand there and look at me?- I shouted, and she flinched. She had to leave. I wanted her out of my house. But rather than leaving, she walked in and stood in the middle of the apartment.

- "What is wrong with you?"- she was making an effort to stay calm, but I could tell she was scared. She kept biting the inner part of her cheeks and crossed her arms on her chest. Was she scared of me?

- "Spencer, why are you acting like this?"

- "What the fuck is your problem, (Y/N)? Why are you in my house uninvited?!"

- "I called you like three times. I wanted to invite you to my house for dinner, but you didn't answer, so I got worried."

- "As you can see, I'm fine! And no, I don't wanna go to your house for dinner!"

Her eyes were wide opened, staring right into mine, and I swear it physically hurt to see her. She shouldn't be there. I needed her out. I didn't want her to see me like that, and I needed to get out and get some more Dilaudid. Now more than ever.

- "I'm making lasagna"- (Y/N) whispered- "Mikey, Frank, and Lu are coming."

- "I don't care, I don't wanna go to your house, I don't wanna go anywhere! I'm fine here."

- "But, honey bunny..."

- "Stop calling me that!! I hate it!! It's a stupid nickname! I'm not your fucking honey bunny!!"

The silence in my apartment was so deep, I could hear my own heart racing inside my chest. (Y/N)'s eyes filled with tears that soon started falling down her cheeks. She dropped her shoulders, and her arms hung at her sides, slacks.

- "Please"- she begged- "Tell me what's wrong. I want to help you, Spencer."

- "There's nothing wrong! don't you get sometimes I don't want to be stuck at you?! I already have to see your face all day at work. I deserve a break during the few weekends we have off!"

- "I know you don't mean that"- her voice broke, and her chin trembled, but she still made her best not to cry.

- "You don't know that. You don't know shit, (Y/N)."

I stayed quiet and looked away from her. I couldn't stare at those sad eyes for another second.

- "Please, leave"- I managed to control my voice for a second, in a poor attempt not to hurt her anymore. But she shook her head and sniffed.

- "No, Spencer, I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong with you. I am worried."

- "There's nothing fucking wrong with me, (Y/N)! Don't you get it?! I just don't wanna be with you!"

- "Please"- she begged, sobbing in front of me. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't bear to see her anymore.

So I ruined everything and hurt her. I pushed her. She nearly fell back but managed to stabilize. She was shocked by my actions, but I didn't even have time to think about what I was doing. All I could think of that minute was that I needed her out of my house to buy drugs and get high.

- "Spencer, what the hell are you doing?"

- "I asked you nicely, but you didn't leave. So now I won't be nice anymore. Get out!!"

I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her out of my sight. She cried, pleading I would tell her what was wrong with me. But I didn't listen. Instead, I dragged her out of my apartment and slammed the door. I could hear her crying in the hall for a moment, and it enraged me. I thought if she was crying, she herself had caused it. She had appeared at my house at the wrong moment, unannounced.

It wasn't my fault. I just wanted her to leave. I did what I had to do.

And I didn't regret it.

Not until Sunday afternoon, when an announced knock on my door forced me to drag my stoned body from the couch. It was a delivery boy who gave me a package and left. It had nothing written on it. Not even my name. When I opened the box, I found a computer and a note.

- "Play me."

I knew I was still stoned, but not enough to be imagining those kinds of things. I took the laptop to the couch with me. There was a video ready to be played in it. So I pushed play.

- "What the fuck do you want?!"- my heart dropped. It was me, but I could barely recognize my own face- "You just came to stand there and look at me?"

It was a recording of me yelling at (Y/N). She had taped everything, and I couldn't believe my own eyes. I was a monster.

- "I'm making lasagna"- my chin quivered at that scene. Her voice was a whisper, and I was out of myself- "Mikey, Frank, and Lu are coming."

- "I don't care, I don't wanna go to your house, I don't wanna go anywhere! I'm fine here."

- "But honey bunny..."

- "Stop calling me that!! I hate it!! It's a stupid nickname! I'm not your fucking honey bunny!!"

I paused the video, 'cos I couldn't take it anymore. That wasn't me. I couldn't believe I had said all those things to her. It hurt (Y/N), so I could get drugs.

I covered my face with my hands and cried. I was done. Not only did I not know how to recover from my drug addiction, but I also didn't know how I could ever look at my best friend again in the eyes after what I had done.

I remembered she had cried, and I knew I had been mean. But when I saw the extreme hate in each one of my words, I knew I had reached rock bottom. I needed help.

After a few minutes, I pushed play again. I knew I needed to see the whole thing actually to understand what had happened.

- "Please, leave!!"

- "No! Spencer, I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong with you. I am worried."

- "There's nothing fucking wrong with me, (Y/N)! Don't you get it! I just don't wanna be with you!!"

- "Please... Spencer, no! What the hell are you doing?"

- "I asked you nicely, but you didn't leave. So now I won't be nice anymore. Get out!!"

I hit her. I pushed her. She was there to invite me for dinner, and I hurt her. Who was I? What kind of beast does such a thing to his best friend?

Who would do such a thing to the woman he loves.

I curled on the couch, crying. How could I let that happen? When did I turn into a downward version of myself? Ethan was right. I had been dumb enough to think I could control it when in reality, drugs were controlling me. I was losing who I was. I could lose my job. I was losing my friends.

I knew things had been hard for me growing up, but I had finally reached a point in my life where I was happy. I liked my life. I loved my job. For once, I had real friends, and I was making good, catching bad guys. I had actually fulfilled my dream to work at the BAU. So why was I wasting it all?

- "Spencer"- I heard (Y/N)'s voice at the end of the video and saw her face on the screen- "I am here if you need to talk. I'm not mad. I just wanna hug you. Please, call me. Let me help you."

But I couldn't do it. I couldn't talk to her after what had happened. I dragged her by the arm out of my apartment. I made her cry. I didn't deserve anything. I couldn't deal with reality and the consequences of the monster I had become into.

Sunday, March 4th. That was the day it all changed for good.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Spencer didn't call. I wasn't surprised, though. I knew he would be affected by the video and probably felt like he didn't deserve my help. So I did what I knew Frank would say I shouldn't do. I put on my shoes and got ready to go to his apartment and pick him up. I was not going to leave him alone when I could see he was struggling to survive.

But when I opened my door, Spencer was sitting in the hall outside my apartment, hugging his legs, shaking. His eyes were puffy, and his lips were shattered. He looked at me, afraid I would be mad. But how could I? I just wanted to help him.

I kneeled in front of him and touched his hands. They were stone cold. His lips trembled as I looked into his eyes, and after a few seconds of hesitation, he finally threw his arms around me, crying.

- "It's ok, honey"- I whispered and felt his whole body shaking as he held me tight- "I've got you."

- "I'm sorry"- I mumbled, sobbing against my shoulder.

- "Shh, it's ok, it's ok"- I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed his cheek.

- "Please"- I had to bite my lips not to cry with him, but I knew I had to be strong for him- "Help me."

- "Always."

I poured two cups of tea on my kitchen island as I looked at Spencer eating a bowl of soup. He was swallowing it like he hadn't eaten in days, which was probably true. We had barely spoken in the last hour. He kept asking for forgiveness as I helped him walk into my apartment and sat with him on the couch. He held onto me like a castaway holds to whatever shipwrecks he finds to survive.

When I finally convinced him to eat something, he followed me to the kitchen and looked at me in silence as I cooked. I didn't know what to tell him, so I just did my best to stay calm. I knew what was happening next, and it wasn't going to be pretty. But I was ready to go through it with him.

- "Thank you"- he whispered and sighed as soon as he was finished.

- "Do you want some more?"- but he shook his head. I smiled at him and handed him his cup of herbal tea.

- "Cookies?"- he didn't answer. He just looked at me with those big puppy eyes and broke my heart.

- "I'm sorry"- he spoke so softly I almost didn't hear him.

- "Don't be."

- "I was a monster"- he stared at me, and I knew he was thinking I was never going to forgive him, when the truth was, I wasn't mad at him at all. I was just worried sick.

- "Are you ready to get better?"- I was afraid to ask, 'cos I was afraid he could change his mind. Still, I trusted the video had shaken him deeply enough to erase from his head any thought of relapsing.

- "Yes."

His answer was clear. Even when it was a whisper, there was no hesitation or no fear. Pure determination. It made me smile to hear him like that. And he smiled at me for a second, filling my heart with hope.

- "Ok, then this is what we are doing"- I walked to my desk and took a folder I had prepared for that day. I gave it to him, and he frowned, confused.

- "What is this?"

- "Our home detox plan. You and I are locked in this apartment for the next fifteen days."

Spencer looked at me, baffled. I just smiled and walked to the fridge to show him how prepared I was.

- "I got all the food we need, and the meds you might need, and a nurse that will come to visit daily to put an eye on you."

- "What? How? What about work?"

- "I'll talk to Hotch."

- "What are you gonna tell him?"

- "The truth"

I wasn't going to lie to my boss, not when he also knew what was happening with Reid.

- "Honey, he knows there's something wrong with you, and I'm sure he will understand our absence for two weeks. You and I have enough vacation days saved to cover that time. And you need it."

Spencer looked at me in silence. I couldn't read his face because his eyes hypnotized me. Even under those circumstances, his eyes were beautiful and sweet. Filled with hope.

- "Ok"- he nodded, and I hugged him right away.

- "I'm so proud of you, honey"- I whispered and caressed his hair for a second.- "Come on. We are doing one more thing before we start."

- "What?"

- "Cleaning your apartment."

I took Reid back to his place and got rid of the Dilaudid he had gotten that weekend: All of it. And the needles. I helped him clean because I didn't want him to find a messy apartment when he would get back there. Then, we packed a bag of clean clothes to take to my place. He looked weak but determined to change, which made me feel so relieved. My heart was joyful.

- "Do you have everything?"- I whispered and held his hand as he stood in the middle of the living room and took a look around- "Do you want to take some books?"- he didn't answer- "Spencer? are you ok?"

- "I don't want to be a burden"- he whispered, and I took a deep breath right away, trying to find the right words to convince him he wasn't and that there was no way on earth he could ever be a burden in my life.

- "You are not, I swear"- he looked down and played with his fingers in my hand- "I mean it."

- "It's not going to be nice"

- "I know"

- "And..."

- "And I want to be there, with you, all along. Ok?"- he looked at me, and my heart skipped a beat.

- "(Y/N), withdrawal symptoms from opiates include anxiety, sweating, vomiting, and"- he cleared his throat, embarrassed- "And diarrhea."

- "I know... but we are going to go through this together, one day at the time."

Spencer kept his fingers in my hand, tracing paths on my skin. I looked at him and bit the inside of my cheeks. I didn't want him to doubt himself, 'cos I knew he could do it.

- "One day at the time sounds good"- he murmured and looked at me with a tiny smile. I nodded and kissed his cheek. I don't know why I did it. I just know how much I liked it. The sensation of his skin, and his two days beard, I don't know what it did to me. But I even shivered.

- "Let's go"- I whispered and held his hand tight. He nodded and grabbed his bag. It was about to get real.

The first night with Spencer was wild. He hadn't used it in over a day, and the withdrawal symptoms started around midnight. We were on the couch watching a movie. I was already half asleep when I felt Spencer constantly moving. He started biting his nails and scratching his face every two minutes.

- "Are you ok?"- I whispered and looked at him. He was pale.

- "I'm not gonna be able to do this."

- "Honey..."

- "No, I mean it."

- "You can, and you will."

- "How do you know? I was weak enough to start using."

- "You were forced to start using, and you are strong enough to stop"- I sat straight and held his hands. He was freezing- "What do you say we put you to bed? I'll make you a cup of tea, and we'll see how you feel in the morning."

He didn't move. I kept his hand in mine, and he held it tight. Real tight. I don't know what he was thinking about, but after a few seconds, he sighed and looked at me.

- "Bed and tea sounds nice,"- I nodded and stood up, but he didn't move- "(Y/N)?"

- "Yes?"

- "Where are you going to sleep?"

- "On the couch"- he sighed, and his face was filled with guilt.

- "I can't let you do that. This is your house."

- "Don't worry about that now. Come on. You need to rest"- I caressed his hand with my thumb, and he finally stood up. But halfway to the bedroom, he stopped.

- "I feel so guilty to put you through all this."

- "I want to do this"

- "But..."

- "No, but"- I turned to him and cupped his face with my hands- "I love you, and I'm not gonna leave you alone. No matter what."

My words resonated inside my head for a few seconds as I stared at him. My stomach was fluttering, and my heart was racing inside my chest.

That wasn't good. But I didn't have to overthink my feelings because my best friend needed me.

Reid walked to the bathroom and put on his pajamas while I made him a cup of warm tea. I knew what was coming: nausea, shivering, throwing up, stomach ache, and more. But I was ready. Two weeks and Spencer was going to be ok.

I had talked about my plan with Hotch earlier that day, and he agreed to give us two weeks off and cover us. Spencer was going to be in Vegas, 'cos his mother had had an episode, and I would be in New York, helping my brother on a case. Seemed convincing. Having the two of us out of town would stop any of our friends to stop by unannounced.

- "(Y/N), thank you for doing this for Reid"- Hotch said before hanging up. I felt lucky to have him as my unit chief. He surely cared for all of us. I don't think anyone else would have done the same.

Retchings from my bathroom were the first thing I heard as soon as I stepped into my room.

- "Honey, do you need help?"- but Reid didn't answer. So I ran back to the kitchen and got him a Gatorade from the fridge, set it on the nightstand. Then I ran to my closet and grabbed a clean towel.

I opened the bathroom door and found Reid kneeled by the toilet. He had already flushed but didn't stand up.

- "Here"- I dampened the towel and put it on his forehead. He closed his eyes and sighed- "Better?"

Spencer just nodded and stayed still for a moment. I took off his glasses and pulled his hair back carefully. He started retching a second later, and I rubbed his stomach, cooing him. When he was done, I flushed and helped him stand up. That wasn't it, and I knew it. He knew it too.

- "Did you know brushing your teeth right after throwing up damages your teeth?"- he whispered, making me smile. It felt good to know deep down, even under those shitty circumstances, he was still the same good old Reid.

- "So, mouthwash?"- I moved the bottle closer for him, and he just nodded- "I'll be outside."

Reid drank a little Gatorade and made a sad effort to read after getting into bed but fell asleep in less than five minutes. I took the glasses off (again) and took the book from his hands. My heart felt warm just to see him there, resting.

But that lasted less than half an hour. I stayed by Spencer's side to make sure he was ok. I was reading when he started retching again. I grabbed the bucket I had already set underneath the bed and rushed to help him. His stomach was already empty. He was basically just vomiting bile.

When he finally fell asleep again, he started shaking. I touched his hand, and he was freezing, so I took an extra blanket from the closet, placed it on top of him, and set the room's thermostats to make it a little warmer for him.

I stayed by his side, reading until he woke up again. This time, he was sweating. I took a clean pajama top from his bag and helped him change. Then, I took the dirty pajamas and the clothes he had worn that day and put them in the washer.

I sat next to Reid on the bed and looked at him. He was awake, rolling over and over, not able to stay still.

- "Come here"- I whispered and tapped on my lap- "Put your head here."

I thought he was going to argue, but no. Instead, he did as told with no hesitation as I ran my fingers through his hair slowly, scratching his scalp carefully. I felt how he inhaled deeply and relaxed, at least for a little while.

But it didn't last. And the rest of the night was a long loop of puke, shivers, and sweat. Spencer finally fell asleep for good around six in the morning, and I dragged my exhausted self to the couch. Night one was done. Nine more to go.

Spencer's point of view

My whole body ached. I opened my eyes, disoriented. All I knew was that I felt I had been beaten up, but I didn't recognize the room. I did recognize the smell on my pillow, though. It was (Y/N)'s. That's how I remembered what was going on.

Adding to how bad I felt, physically, I felt worst knowing everything that had happened the night before and in advance for everything I knew would happen that week. But even knowing that, and even when I was embarrassed to be a burden, I was glad to be there. I was happy to feel taken cared of and loved. It was a change I never imagined I could experience. The one who always took care of his mother now had someone who took care of him. It was under a miserable context, but I felt loved anyway.

Even when I was loved only as a friend.

I stood up slowly. I was fatigued, probably 'cos I had spent half of the night puking. I drank what was left of the Gatorade on the nightstand and walked to the living room. (Y/N) was asleep on the couch. My heart ached to think how uncomfortable she probably was while I slept on her queen-sized bed. No one had ever cared so much about me before. So I walked to the kitchen and made her breakfast. A classical Reid breakfast. Coffee, cereal, and milk. That was it. That was all I could cook.

- "Hey, what are you doing?"- (Y/N) appeared suddenly and smiled at me so sweetly, I nearly dropped the coffee pot.

- "I'm trying to make you breakfast"- I confessed and blushed- "And as you can see, I'm not much of a cooker."

- "You made coffee, you covered the most important part"- she held the cup I had filled for her and smiled- "What if you get comfy on the couch while I make you something to eat?"

- "I can't let you do everything, (Y/N)"- the way she looked at me, my heart skipped a beat.

- "I'll tell you what: If I ever get sick or hurt, or anything happens to me, you are going to be the one taking care of me. Ok?"- I nodded and stayed quiet- "Now, go to the couch. It's a lazy Monday."

- "What does that mean?"

- "We stay in our pajamas, watch movies, nap, and do nothing."

How could anyone say no to that?

I wasn't hungry at all, but (Y/N) really applied herself with everything she cooked: she made chocolate chips, hotcakes, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a smoothie, and also forced me to eat a bowl of fruit. She said I needed all the vitamins I could get, 'cos I had to get strong.

She sat next to me, ate the bowl of cereal I had prepared for her, and drank the coffee I had made. It was relaxing just staying there, covered with a blanket, watching Dr. Who. I felt my body losing up little by little. Until detox hit again. The light was bothering me, burning my eyes, and my body felt weak. Nauseous started kicking in, and before I knew it, I was throwing up on (Y/N)'s carpet.

She held a bucket in front of me and pressed a damped towel on the back of my neck.

- "Better?"- (Y/N) whispered and smiled at me. Her fingers tucked some of my hair behind my ears gently- "Do you want to lay down for a while? You are shaking."

I just nodded.

- "Ok, come on, let's go"- she held my arm and helped me stand up. She was right. I was shaking, but not just because I was cold. It was the withdrawal.

I was so embarrassed and mortified. With each symptom, I was a little more certain (Y/N) would never look at me the way I did. She would never fall for me after what she was witnessing. No one in their right mind would.

- "There you are"- she whispered, fixing the pillow behind my head as I laid on her bed again.

- "Can you please close the curtains?"- I whispered, covering my face with both hands. The light was too painful to deal with.

- "Sure, honey. Headache?"- all I could do was nod- "I'll get you ibuprofen, that will help with your body aches and the migraine."

I stayed still, eyes closed, hands covering my face, thinking how I had gotten to the point of having to detox my body from drugs. It was, without a doubt, the lowest moment of my whole life.

- "Ok, honey, try to get some rest, ok?"- (Y/N) whispered after I took the ibuprofen and drank half the bottle of water she had brought.

- "Can you..."- I studied because I was afraid to tell her I didn't want her to leave me alone. I was afraid to be on my own. I didn't trust myself or my mind.

- "What is it? Do you want another blanket?"

- "Can you stay with me?"- I finally asked and held her hand. She just nodded, smiling, and sat next to me on her bed, making sure I was comfy and cozy, fixing the pillow again and the blanket. I looked at her as she laid by my side on top of the covers and held her book.

- "I'm here, Spencer. And I'll be where when you wake up, ok?"

- "Can you read to me?"- I closed my eyes 'cos the light was killing me.

- "And your headache?"

- "Your voice is soothing, and it would help to concentrate on something else but the pain."

- "Ok... then prepare yourself for some horror, 'cos I'm reading, yet again, "Something wicked this way comes."

- "It's one of my favorites"- I whispered and sighed.

- "Why am I not surprised?"

I tried to fight the waves of nausea, the pain in every muscle and headache, and only focused on the sound of her voice as she read. It took me back to when I was a kid, and my mom would read me every night. (Y/N) kept caressing my hair and reading to me. It was the closest I had ever been to heaven, even when physically, I felt like dying.

When I woke up, (Y/N) was asleep by my side. I tried to move, but my body was limp. It was too painful for me to get up on my own, and all I could think of was one simple thing: Dilaudid. I was craving it. I would never feel so bad if I had a fix. Just a little one. To make the pain go away.

I was making excuses to justify my need for drugs. I wanted to feel better, 'cos right there, on (Y/N)'s bed, I felt dead already, and my whole body was rotting. I just wanted to get a little high. It wasn't going to hurt anyone. Right?

Wrong. The bruise on (Y/N)'s arm was the reality check I needed. I hurt her. I hit her. I pushed her away from me. That's how low I had gotten. I would not let that happen again, and more important than anything else: I was never going to hurt (Y/N), ever again. And that I swore to myself that day on her bed.

There was no use in denying the fact I was in love with my best friend. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me. And I knew I was going to love her forever, even when she would only be my friend. I didn't even know when I had fallen so hard in love with her. I tried to remember the moment my feelings had changed from friendship to love, but I couldn't find it. I just knew I loved her, and nothing was ever gonna change that.

The kind of love that makes you think you'd die for that person. I would die for her, just to make sure she is safe.

I felt so pathetic thinking those things. Not because I didn't want to feel that way, but because I knew (Y/N) would never look at me like that. But still, I'd give her everything she could ever ask me for.

I just laid by her side and looked at her as she slept. My eyes were finally able to slide on every detail of her face. Her freckles, her nose, the color of her lips that even without makeup looked like a cherry. And the bruise on her arm. I was never going to forget about it and neither forgive myself.

- "Hey"- she whispered, fluttering her eyes- "How are you feeling?"

- "Good"- I lied. I didn't want to tell her I felt like dying. She stayed still, looking at me for a few seconds.

- "Are you hungry?"- I shook my head, even that hurt- "How's the headache?"- my eyes were killing me.

- "Better"- she nodded and sighed.

- "I know you are full of shit, Spencer Walter Reid. You don't need to lie"- I just closed my eyes and refused to open them again for a few minutes.

- "I just don't want you to worry, (Y/N). That's all."

- "Do you want to sleep some more? I'm gonna go..."- but as soon as she moved, I stopped her.

- "No"- I looked at her and held her hand immediately. Every muscle in my body hurt with that movement, but I didn't regret it- "Please, don't leave."

- "Ok, I won't go. I promise"- she held my hand and caressed it slowly and smiled so sweetly, I think I even smiled back.

We laid in silence for a while. I closed my eyes again, trying to breathe normally. (Y/N) was lying next to me. That would get my heart racing in a second.

- "The nurse is coming around five. She will put an eye on you every day if you need any medical attention, ok?"- I hummed as a response and kept focused on her fingers playing with my hand- "Maybe we can ask her to help you take a bath."

I wide opened my eyes at those words and noticed how my best friend was blushing.

- "What?"- she chuckled at my reaction- "I can take a bath on my own!"

- "Really? You should consider it then"- she stuck out her tongue to me and giggled- "Though your two days beard is cute"- she ran her fingers along my jaw and sent shivers all over my body. The proximity felt so new, yet incredibly natural, almost familiar.

- "Thanks?"- I answered with a question 'cos I had no idea what else to do. I just stayed still and looked into her eyes. She didn't say another word either. Her eyes were following her fingers, playing with my jawbone slowly.

I wanted to move a little closer to her and hug her, maybe. But I couldn't. Not only because I physically couldn't move without crying, but because her phone rang and made her jump on the bed.

- "Hey! Paco, how are you?"- I heard her pick up the phone in the living room and walk back to me, holding another bottle of Gatorade.

- "No, I'm on a case. In New York. I don't know how long, I wish I could predict how long it's gonna take to catch a fucking serial killer, but I can't."

I looked at her as she walked around the room, talking with Frank. Of course, it was him. She always called him Paco. I slowly sat down on the bed and sighed. I was paranoid about the shower. Maybe I stank. I hadn't bathed since... Saturday. Obviously, I smelled terrible. I had been sweating all night long.

I made my best effort and walked to the bathroom. Everything hurt. When I finally managed to take off my pajamas and ran the shower, I was weary. But the warm water made me feel a lot better.

I took a long shower. Not just because I wanted to stay forever under the warm water, but because I couldn't really move that fast. I washed my hair and considered shaving. But I didn't have a razor on hand, and if (Y/N) liked my tiny beard, I decided to keep it.

- "Hey! everything ok?"- (Y/N) asked from the other side of the door.

- "Yes, I'm ok"- she walked in, and I froze.

- "Ok, I'll leave a clean towel next to the shower, ok? It's warm"

- "Thank you."

I stayed still under the water until she exited the bathroom and nearly held my breath at the thought of her being there with me. It was too much, and to be honest, I was too weak to overthink it. But I knew it was going to be a thought that would hunt me back home.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I sat on the couch and drank my tea after leaving the towel for Spencer in the bathroom. My heart was racing, and that shouldn't be happening. Why was I so affected by my best friend? I knew I was worried, and all my attention was focused on him, but that didn't explain why my stomach fluttered when I looked at him.

- "Put your shit together!!"- I yelled/whispered to myself and shook my head.

Frank had called to know about Spencer, but I had to lie and act like I was at work. I couldn't just tell him what was going on in front of Reid. So I texted him the short version of the fact, and he asked me to keep him posted. He also told me he was going to keep Mikey and Lu away from my apartment those days.

Spencer took a shower and sat with me on the couch. I had cleaned the vomit from the carpet and kept a bucket near in case he felt sick. We read in silence for a while, and I kept checking on him every few minutes. He was nervous and looked anxious. I wasn't going to ask him what was wrong, 'cos it was obvious he was craving Dilaudid, and to be honest, I was scared he might start yelling and getting violent. So, I stood up and prepared him a smoothie. I knew he hated healthy eating, especially salads, but he was doomed. He had to put some vitamins in his body.

He looked at me disgusted as I gave him the glass but drank it quietly and gave it back in a minute. I was impressed.

He threw it up in less than ten minutes, though. So far, not so good.

He also vomited lunch. I knew his whole body ached, so I put on a Star Trek DVD to keep his mind busy in anything else. When the nurse came, she did a brief check-up and told me to continue with the same diet and ibuprofen in case of severe pain. We had to put an eye on dehydration. She also suggested we'd engage in some physical activity as soon as he felt better. Walks to the park were her recommendation.

I couldn't imagine Spencer walking out of the house under those conditions, but I had high hopes by the end of that week, he was going to feel much better.

The second night was worse than the first because his body aches hit him harder. He rolled in bed in pain, shivering. I stayed with him until late, trying to soothe him. I read and caressed his sweated hair. At a certain point, I just sat there with his head on my legs, and he started crying. His tears soaking my legs and his sobs breaking my heart.

I didn't know what to say. I don't know if there was anything to be said at that moment. So I just leaned in and kissed Spencer's temple. I rocked him like a baby and did my best to calm him down. He just kept crying on and on, tearing my soul apart. I couldn't handle watching him like that. I didn't know what to do to help him feel better too. All I could do was be with him throughout the process and hold him tight to make sure I kept all his pieces together. I didn't want him to fall apart.

When I opened my eyes the following day, Spencer was asleep in front of me. He was pale, and the rings under his eyes were darker than ever. But at least, he was finally sleeping.

I stared at him for a few minutes, planning the day. But soon, I realized I couldn't concentrate. I just looked at him. I knew my friend was handsome, even when he always argued when I let him know. But at that moment, he made my heart beat faster. His hair was messy and with some curls. His brown beard kept growing. I had never seen Spencer with facial hair, and I loved it. I wanted to tell him to keep it, but then I thought it might be inappropriate. Not that telling him was wrong, but what he was making me feel.

I refused to think I had a crush on my friend. Because I didn't. I was just worried sick for him, and my head was confused. It wasn't the time to think about that. I had to be a good friend and help Reid. His wellbeing was all that mattered to me.

So I got out of bed and ran to the kitchen to make sure everything was ready. I cooked breakfast and lunch, cleaned, and took a quick shower. I was walking out of the bathroom in my clean clothes when Spencer woke up. He rolled in bed and looked at me, confused.

- "Hey, how are you feeling, honey?"- I whispered and sat next to him on the bed. He yawned and nodded.

- "Better."

- "Great, I hope you are hungry, 'cos breakfast is ready"- he scratched his head and yawned again. And I swear, I had to mentally slap myself because I thought he looked adorable and couldn't stop staring.

- "Do you want to take a shower?"- I asked him and stood up. I had to do anything to keep me from being stupid- "I can also run you a bath. I got some salts that could make you feel better. They might help with your body ache."

- "Thank you"- he whispered and sat down. He just looked at me in silence as I kept myself busy opening curtains, folding blankets, and cleaning the bathroom, to get it ready for him

- "Did you sleep?"- he asked me suddenly- "You look tired."

- "Nah, I'm ok. I think I went too heavy on the coffee earlier."

- "How long have you been up?"- I looked at my wristwatch and sighed.

- "A couple of hours."

It was ten. I got up at eight. Spencer had finally fallen asleep at five. It didn't take a genius to see I hadn't slept properly.

- "Why don't you nap?"- he asked and tapped on the bed- "You look like you could use some more sleep"- that was tempting, I won't deny it. But no. I couldn't.

- "Tell you what, why don't you eat something and then we can watch a movie together?"- Spencer nodded and moved slowly. That's when I remembered he felt like shit.

- "Come here"- I stood by his side and held his hands- "Can you stand up?"

- "Yes"- he whispered and tried to move on his own. His legs were shaking, and so were his hands. He did his best to stand up, and after a few tries on his own, he succeeded. But after giving two steps alone, he stumbled and nearly fell.

- "I've got you!"- I said, wrapping my arms around him and keeping him steady. His whole face was red, in anger maybe, or embarrassment. I didn't want to push him to talk or do anything. I just made sure he wouldn't fall.

- "Wanna stay in bed?"- I suggested

- "No"- he murmured and took a step ahead

- "Ok, let's go to the living room then."

Spencer didn't reply. I was sure he was ashamed and upset. I just walked with him to the living room, trying to think of anything else: anything but the butterflies in my stomach.

It was getting harder to ignore the mental fuzziness I felt each time I looked at him. But I refused to think about it. It wasn't the right time.

But it got worse that evening.

We spent the whole day on my sofa, napping, reading, and watching Star Trek. I was getting dinner ready when Spencer's phone rang. We both stayed still. He looked at me with widened eyes, almost scared. I smiled and walked to my room to get the phone. It was JJ.

I'm not proud to say it, but an overwhelming sensation of insecurity and concern filled my body. Why was JJ calling Spencer? Were they closer than I thought? I don't know why I kept thinking all those things.

- "It's JJ"- I announced and gave him his phone. He hesitated for a moment and finally picked up. I walked back to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water. What was wrong with me?

- "Mom is fine, thank you for calling"- I heard him say and closed my eyes. I had to focus on the food. I had to focus on helping him get better.

Why was I so upset JJ had called him? It was nice to know more people cared about him. Not as much as I did, of course.

- "Sure, I tell her. I'll see you in a couple of days"

I walked back to the living room carrying a tray with soup and salads. Spencer sat down properly and looked at me with a small smile.

- "I know you hate veggies, but you are doomed"- I whispered, reading his mind- "These are packed with all the vitamins and minerals your body needs."

- "Thank you"- he murmured and kept his eyes on me until I sat next to him and grabbed my bowl.

- "How was JJ?"- I had to ask. He cleared his throat and played with the lettuce on his dish for a moment before saying.

- "She was ok. She wanted to know if everything was ok with my mom."

- "Oh"- I didn't know what else to say. I tried no to think about it anymore, 'cos it was useless.

- "I kind of felt bad everybody swallowed our story"- Spencer confessed and sighed.

- "That's because I make up the best lies, honey,"- I smiled at him, but he just stared- "Everything ok?"

- "I'm not hungry"

- "Come on, at least have the soup, please?"

- "I don't want to barf all over your carpet, again"- he whispered and kept playing with the lettuce.

- "What if I tell you I made brownies? and you can have a brownie if you eat the soup?"- Spencer bit his lips and shook his head.

- "Why are you treating me like a kid?"

- "I am not! I'm blackmailing you with sugar as I would do under any other circumstance."-

And I wasn't lying. I would definitely try to force him to eat or do something with the promise of a brownie.

- "So? What do you say? Eat that soup, and we'll have brownies... with vanilla ice cream."

Reid stared into my eyes, and I held my breath. He was so pale, so thin. And yet, so beautiful.

- "If I vomit..."

- "If you vomit, you vomit. No hard feelings"- I smiled and tapped on his leg- "Besides, you need to get some vitamins in your body. You are too thin."

He didn't reply. He started eating slowly and kept watching Star Trek in silence.

Spencer successfully ate his bowl of soup and ate a little bit of the salad. I knew he hates veggies, so I didn't push him. As a reward, I prepared a big tray with brownies with ice cream, chocolate sauce, and hot chocolate with marshmallows and put it on the coffee table in front of us. We were about to start eating when we heard a knock on the door.

- "That's the nurse"- I said and stood up quickly. But I was wrong. It was Paul.

- "Babe... hey"- he smiled at me as soon as I opened the door and tried to walk in. But I didn't let him.

- "What are you doing here?"- I stood at the door and raised an eyebrow. I knew we didn't have a bad breakup, but after what he had said that night, I was afraid he might freak out to see Spencer in his pajamas watching tv on my couch.

- "I couldn't stop thinking about what happened the other night, and..."- he made a pause and looked inside- "What are you doing?"

- "I'm having dinner"

- "Alone?"- I didn't answer- "Can I come in?"

- "No"

- "Are you with someone? are you on a date?"- Paul pushed the door and stormed into my apartment. Reid turned around and looked at him, embarrassed.

- "What the fuck do you think you are doing? get out of my house!"- I grabbed my ex-boyfriend's sleeve and stopped him.

- "Hey, Paul"- Spencer waved from the couch, looking scared. His shoulders were tightened, and his eyes wide opened.

- "What is this nerd doing here?"- Paul turned to me, ignoring my friend.

- "What are you doing here? That's the question!"

- "I wanted to apologize for what happened the other day."

- "Well, sorry to crack the news, but if this is an apology, it sucks!"- I swear, I could feel my pulse speeding- "And there is nothing to talk or forgive, we broke up, and it was ok!"

- "Yeah, and now the nerd is here to make you feel better!"

- "You have no idea what you are talking about! And would appreciate it if you stop calling him that!!"- I freaked out and clenched my fist. I was going to lose it with him.

- "Good luck with the Ice Princess here!!"- Paul yelled at Reid- "If you are lucky, she is gonna hug you once!!"

- "Get out!"- I stood by the open door and slammed it as soon as he had left. My hands were shaking, my lips were quivering, and my eyes were tearing up.

- "Are you... are you ok?"- Spencer stood up and walked to me. He stumbled a little but managed to hold me. I didn't reply. I just broke into tears.

Why was I crying if I was glad I had broken up with Paul? Why was I so upset to see him at my house? Why was I shaking in anger?

Maybe I was just human, and I was tired of all the shit. Perhaps I was just sleepy or stressed with everything going on with Reid. Or the fact he kept thinking I had feelings for my best friend was too much for me.

Even the fact he called me "Ice Princess" hurt me. Yes, I wasn't a very physical person with him. But that was just because I wasn't in love with him.

For a few minutes, I just cried, soaking Spencer's pajamas as he held me tight, just like I had done for him the night before.

- "I'm sorry"- I whispered and sighed. I let him go and fixed my hair- "I shouldn't let Paul affect me so much, but I wasn't expecting to see him."

- "What happened?"- Spencer held my hand and took me to the couch with him. He handed me a dish with brownie and melted ice cream, and a spoon.

- "We broke up a few days ago."- my best friend looked at me in silence as his shaky thumb wiped off the tears on my cheeks.

- "I was actually planning dinner with the guys to give them the news, 'cos I knew they would like to celebrate... but that doesn't matter. You were right; I didn't love him. I don't know why I was still dating him."

- "I'm sorry"- he whispered and carefully wrapped me on a blanket.

- "Don't be. I really wanted to break up with him. I was just scared to lose who I used to be..."

- "You are never going to lose who you are, (Y/N)"- Spencer whispered and cut me a smile- "Frankie, Lu, and Mikey would never let that happen"- I sighed and nodded- "I won't let that happen either."

- "Thank you, honey"- I grabbed the spoon and took a big piece of brownie- "You know what bothers me? I don't know why I'm crying so much! I'm not sad! I'm angry!"

- "Actually, when you get mad, your body produces a flood of hormones that stimulate strong reactions in your body, like racing your heart and getting sweaty palms. In response to the elevated stress level, crying stimulates the release of oxytocin and prolactin. These two chemicals can bring your heart rate down and otherwise calm you after a stressful event."

- "Well, my fucking body makes me look weak and stupid!"

- "You could never look weak..."- Spencer hesitated for a second. It felt like he wanted to add something to those words but finally just stayed quiet.

- "Thank you, honey bunny. You are the best friend I could ever ask for."

- "Don't say that. You are the best friend I could have ever asked for."

We just stared for a few seconds. His eyes on mine, my hands still shaking, though I didn't know why.

It was a moment I knew I could never forget, 'cos it was the moment I first considered kissing Spencer.

It was a thought that only lasted for a second, but it was there. And like a seed planted on my brain, once I knew it was there, it could only grow and hunt me, like a ghost.

Spencer's point of view

My heart ached to see (Y/N) crying because of an asshole who never deserved her. And it also jumped of joy knowing she was no longer dating that jerk. I knew I could never make a move on her, but just to know she wasn't stuck with him made me happy.

But the fact she had gone through all that alone and didn't even talk about it for four days because she was too busy taking care of me made me feel awful. I didn't deserve any of that.

- "How are you feeling?"- she whispered and smiled at me after finishing her brownie- "Want me to heat your cocoa?"

- "I'm ok, thank you"

I stared at her in silence and decided to make the boldest move I have ever made with her, and opened my arm for her so that she could cuddle. She didn't hesitate and moved closer. I wrapped an arm around her, and her head rested on my chest. And trying not to make it look like a big deal, I also held her hand and caressed her skin, tracing random patterns on it.

- "I'm sorry for being such a bad friend"- I said and kissed the top of her head. I didn't plan it. I just did it. And it felt so good.

- "Don't say that."

- "I've been an asshole since Tobias."

- "You haven't... I mean, you have, but you had your reasons"- she made a pause and sighed. I knew something was bothering her, and I was hoping it wasn't our position because I loved how her warm body felt against mine.

- "Honey?"- she whispered, and I hummed as a response- "Would you call me a cold person?"

- "Never..."

- "I know I'm not a physical person, but..."

- "Me neither, and look at us"- I pointed out the obvious, and she softly giggled. He raised her head from my chest and turned to look at me. I swear all I could think of that minute was kissing her.

- "I am more loving with you than I ever was with Paul"- she confessed and sighed. Her eyes were sad. Clearly, what he had said to her had affected her more than she wanted to admit.

- "He didn't deserve it anyway"- she added and moved back to lay her head on my chest- "You do."

And after that, we just stayed like that, hugged on the couch, until the nurse knocked on the door.

- "You look much better"- I smiled at the nurse and nodded- "Still nauseous?"

- "Yes, but not as much as yesterday"- I whispered and looked at her, wrapping the blood pressure cuff around my arm, right next to all the marks I left with the needles. I wanted to hide them from everyone, and I thanked (Y/N) wasn't in the room. Of all people, she was the one I didn't want to see those marks the most.

- "They are going to fade soon"- the nurse whispered. I wasn't too subtle with my reaction, I guess. I just nodded and looked away.

- "Your girlfriend is taking excellent care of you. You are a fortunate guy"- I'm sure I blushed and turned to her immediately.

- "She... she is... she is not my girlfriend"- I felt I needed to explain it, I don't know why.

- "Really?"- and the nurse seemed to be in shock- "She surely loves you."

- "She is my best friend"- I whispered and felt how my heart was nearly bursting inside my chest.

- "You are lucky to have her"- she added, and I agreed.

I knew I was lucky. Even when (Y/N) wasn't my girlfriend, I knew I had to be with her. Always.

After thirteen days of home detox, I was back to being my old self again. I felt happy, healthy, and strong. I don't think I had ever felt that good before.

I loved spending those days with (Y/N), and I was pretty bummed I had to go back to my apartment the next day. The fact I had lived with her for two weeks was incredible. I knew it all happened under dark and miserable circumstances, but it had been life-changing.

Now I knew everything I wanted to know about her to help me make her day better and all her little quirks. Her favorite brands of tea, her favorite snacks. How she liked to take the last cup of tea of the day in bed, reading. Her favorite bands. How she always cooked singing. She always slept on her left side. And how after all those days, we would be so comfortable together, we would cuddle naturally, even without asking.

I don't want to overreact, but it was pretty heavenly to me, like the sensation I felt with the romantic poems mom used to read to me when I was little. Just don't tell anyone I said that.

- "Ok, dinner is ready"- (Y/N) announced and took the lasagna from the oven. I held a bowl of salad and walked with her to the dining room.

- "What do you wanna drink?"

- "A glass of wine, you?"

- "Red or white?"- I asked her and walked back to the kitchen. I didn't even wait for her answer. I took the white and two glasses. She smiled and sat down.

- "This looks amazing, (Y/N)"- and I wasn't lying.

- "Wait until you see dessert, we have three colors of Jell-O"- the fact she knew I loved jello wasn't what got me. It was how happy she looked to spoil me with my favorite dessert.

- "Thank you for cooking all my favorite meals."

- "You are welcome, honey bunny"- I smiled at her and poured a glass of wine for her and one for me.

- "Can I ask you something?"- I whispered, and she nodded- "Why do you call me honey bunny?"- she looked from her dish and giggled.

- "It took you forever to ask."

- "Well... I didn't want you to think I didn't like it..."

- "You don't?"- I wide opened my eyes and shook my head frenetically.

- "No! I love it! I just... don't know... where does it come from? You said I gave you the "honey bunny" vibes, but... what does that mean?"- (Y/N) chewed her lasagna and looked at me.

- "Well, I always loved that nickname. I thought it was adorable and never used it on anyone because no one ever gave me that vibe. I had never met my honey bunny before."

"My Honey Bunny." That woman was killing me, and she had no idea.

- "And I took it from Pulp Fiction"- she finally confessed and waited for my reaction- "Have you seen it?"

- "No"- I admitted and shrugged.

- "Then we are watching it after dinner tonight"- (Y/N) decided, and I nodded- "You still don't give me a nickname, by the way."

She had no idea, but I had a list of nicknames for her. I had written all the cute names I wanted to call on a notebook I kept in my satchel. But I didn't dare. I could call her cute names in my head all the time, but never out loud.

- "You don't have to do it if you don't want to, by the way"- she added and kept eating.

- "I have never done it before"- I accepted, feeling embarrassed- "Sorry."

- "Why are you sorry?"

- "I don't want you to think I don't want to call you by a loving nickname. I just..."

- "Come on, how would you call me? Do I give you any nickname vibe?"- I chuckled, and she smiled childishly.

- "I really like the story behind "nugget." I think it's brilliant"- she shook her head, and her cheeks blushed- "But for you... I think I have three options."

- "So you've given it some thoughts!"- I nodded and took a sip of wine- "Let me hear them."

- "Well... after that case in Oregon when you got lost in the woods, I thought I could call you "chipmunk"- I confessed and watched her face light up.

- "I love that!"

- "Really?"- I chuckled and looked at her holding my breath- "Well... then I remembered how we became friends and your obsession with cupcakes, so I thought I could call you that."

- "I love that too!!"

- "And..."- since I was honest, I took it a little further- "After last Halloween, and all the carving we did, and our movie marathon, I thought "pumpkin" was pretty sweet too."

(Y/N) sighed and smiled at me, her cheeks blushing and her eyes shining.

- "They are all awesome, so you should use them all, and I can look for more nicknames for you"- I simply stared at her and felt how my heart melted.

- "Ok"- I whispered, and she raised an eyebrow playfully.

- "Ok, what?"

- "Ok... pumpkin"- I whispered and held my breath at the sound of those words leaving my lips.

She really didn't have a clue about what she did to me.

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @muffin-cup @shilohpug @eternalharry @tvandfanfic @archer561

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962 @babebenhardy

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: May 19th, 2021

#Spencer Reid #Matthew Gray gubler #Criminal Minds #mgg #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x reader #fluf #angst #Criminal Minds rewrite #babymetaldoll edits #babymetaldoll writes #DIWK #Spencer Reid x reader #matthew gray gubler

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charlies-gillespie · 3 years

Text

reminence | charlie gillespie

paring: fem!reader x charlie gillespie

summary: reader stays the night in a hotel but there are no rooms. her ex, Charlie, overheard her talking and offers reader to spend the night in his room

length: mediumish

rating: PG

warnings: none

!! NOT MY GIF !!

MASTERLIST

You get out of the Uber you took to get here from LAX. You thank the driver and get your suitcase out of the trunk of his car. You drag your suitcase and dufflebag into the hotel that you plan in staying at tonight. It’s about five and the lobby is kind of packed. The parking lot was pretty full. You get in line at the desk behind a couple and their child.

The desk receptionist hands the couple a key and they walk off. You approach the desk with a smile and say, “Hi, my name is Y/N L/N and I booked a room here for one night.” The desk receptionist nods and types on the computer.

She makes a face and says, “I’m sorry, Miss L/N but that was our last room available.”

Confused, you say, “I called three days ago and made a reservation for a room.”

“I am all out of rooms tonight, I apologize,” she says. “If you’d like to stay and wait in case someone checks out then you can. I thought we had more than one room available for tonight.”

With a sigh, you open your mouth to say something until you hear someone go “Y/N?” behind you. You turn your head to see Charlie Gillespie standing behind you. You blink at him. You haven’t seen him since he broke up with you almost two years ago after a three year relationship. His hair has gotten longer and he’s gotten ... cuter.

You say, “Charlie, wow. It’s been a long time.”

Charlie approaches you and asks, “Are you staying here tonight?”

“I was going to but they just gave away the last room when I called three days ago reserving a room,” you say. “Why are you staying here?”

He says, “I flew in from Canada yesterday and have been staying here until my friend gets back from Canada so I can stay at his place. Wait, did you say that they don’t have anymore rooms?” You nod. “You can stay with me tonight. I have a second bed in my room that you can use.”

With a smile forming on your lips, you say, “Thank you, Charlie.” The desk receptionist hands you a key to Charlie’s room and the two of you take the elevator up to the fourth floor.

When you’re on the elevator, you take a second to look at the man next to you. His hair was much shorter than it is now. He’s wearing a blue and white button-up shirt that’s a little big on him and the top three or four buttons are undone, revealing his chest. He wears khaki shorts and converse sneakers.

The elevator dings and you get off with Charlie, who leads you down the hallway to his hotel room. He uses his key to let you both in and he lets you walk in first. You look around the room. The bed he probably slept in last night is a mess and isn’t made. There’s a shirt thrown over a chair at the little circular table. A coffee mug sits on the table between the beds.

“It’s a little messy but I wasn’t expecting company,” Charlie says, closing the door behind you. “Sorry.”

You smile and say, “It’s okay. It’s not like you need to impress me or anything.”

Charlie chuckles a bit and says, “I can run and grab us some food while you unpack. I know you probably had a long flight and probably need real food.”

“Yes, please,” you say. “Are there any McDonald’s around here? Or Taco Bell?”

He grabs his wallet and asks, “Your usual from either?” You nod in response. “I’ll be back in about fifteen minutes then.” Charlie leaves the room and you sit on the neatly made bed.

Sometimes you don’t remember why your relationship with Charlie ended. He’s a sweetheart, even after not seeing you for two years.

Your mind wanders while you unpack some of your clothes, putting them in an unused drawer. You check the minifridge to see what Charlie has. He just has a few cans of soda and a few water bottles. You sigh and sit back down on your bed.

Charlie walks in moments later with a Taco Bell bag and two drinks. He sets everything down on the little table and says, “Three soft shell tacos, Nacho Fries, and a Baja Blast. After all this time, I still know your regular at Taco Bell.”

With a laugh, you get up and say, “It’s not that hard to remember three soft shell tacos, Nacho Fries, and a Baja Blast. But thank you, Charlie.”

He smiles as you take your food, your drink, and a few napkins before sitting with your legs cross on your bed.

“What do the channels look like here? Any good ones?” you ask, opening one of your tacos.

Charlie shrugs and says, “There’s HBO we can watch. I know know what movie is on right now. Let’s check though.” He plops down on his bed with his Crunchwrap Supreme and his own Baja Blast. He grabs the remote and scrolls to HBO. He puts the channel on and you recognize the movie as Five Feet Apart. You look at Charlie and he switches to a static filled channel. “Not that one.”

Five Feet Apart was the movie you and Charlie watched the day before your relationship with him ended. You saw it in the movie theater a few weeks after it came out. You haven’t been able to watch it since.

Quickly, Charlie scrolls through the guide and puts on Friends. “This is a good compromise,” you tell him. “We both love Friends.”

“It’s one of the greatest shows ever,” Charlie says enthusiastically.

You laugh and say, “You made me watch this show so many times when we were together. The theme song always got stuck in my head after we watched it.”

Charlie swallows the bite of his Crunchwrap that he took before he asks, “Do you know how much Grey’s Anatomy you made me watch?” You laugh. “We’re even, Y/N.”

After swallowing a bite of your taco, you say, “You made me watch un ungodly amount of Friends, Charlie. It was everyday. I only made you watch Grey’s on Thursdays when it aired.”

He chuckles and says, “Okay, you got me there. You made me watch a lot of TikToks though, Miss L/N. You spent hours showing me videos.”

“You were laughing so I didn’t stop!” you say, jumping to your defense. “Remember that one time we tried making a TikTok by dancing to Obsessed by Mariah Carrey. It took us hours because you couldn’t learn the moves.”

Your ex laughs and says, “I did learn the moves eventually though. I still remember them.”

You finish your taco and says, “I wanna see this. Show me.”

Charlie smiles and gets off the bed. He stands in front of you and starts to do the Obsessed dance from TikTok. You laugh as you watch how badly he does the dance.

“For a musician, you have no rhythm,” you tease.

He sits back down on his bed with a sigh as he says, “For a small person, you eat a lot. I don’t know where it goes.”

With a laugh, you say, “I have no idea where it all goes either.”

It feels nice to laugh and talk with Charlie. Neither of you have spoken to each other since you broke up in late 2019. Just seeing him again has made you really happy. You didn’t think you’d see him again. He’s still his crazy self that he was years ago.

Both of you finish and you sit back against the headboard of your bed with a pillow behind you. You’re watching and laughing with Friends even though you’ve seen this episode a thousand times.

Charlie sudden asks, “Do you remember why we broke up?”

You look over at Charlie, who’s laying in the same position that you are, and say, “We just grew apart after high school. You moved down here part time after you graduated and I still had a few months left.” Charlie graduated early, you still had six months left. You were 17 when you and Charlie started dating at the beginning of your senior year of high school. He had just turned 17 right before the school year started. You were 20 when the relationship ended and Charlie was just about to turn 21. It wasn’t quite three years when you broke up but it was close.

He says, “I tried to make it work with us, Y/N. You know that right? Between living down here and acting, I did try.”

“I know you did,” you tell him, sitting up and looking at him. “It just got tough for both of us. We ended things on good terms.”

Charlie nods and says, “We did.”

You blink and ask, “What have you been doing since we broke up? Focusing on music, I hope.”

With a little laugh, he says, “I was on Netflix.”

Almost surprised, you say, “I didn’t know you were on Netflix, Charlie! That’s incredible. Was it a show or movie?”

“A show,” he says. “It’s called Julie and the Phantoms. We’re still waiting to be picked up for a second season but we trending in the top ten for a little bit on there after the show dropped in September last year.” Charlie tells you all about his time on set. He tells you about the show too, and you’re happy to hear that he was able to do two of the things he loves to do while being on the show.

You smile and ask, “Can I hear a song from the show? I know you have a guitar somewhere in this room. You never go anywhere without one.”

Charlie laughs and says, “You’re right.” He gets up and opens the closet door, pulling out a guitar he has stashed away in there. You laugh and shake your head. You know him too well sometimes.

He sits at the end of your bed and you cross your legs, looking at him. He pulls the guitar out of it’s case and he grabs a pick. He tunes the guitar before he looks at you.

“The song I’m about to play is song I wrote with my co-star, Madi,” he says. “It’s called Perfect Harmony. I may or may not have been kind of thinking of you when coming up with the lyrics.”

You smile and say, “Awe, I didn’t know you were such a romantic, Charlie.”

A laugh leaves Charlie’s lips as he begins to play the chords.

Step into my world Bittersweet love story about a girl Shook me to the core Voice like an angel, I've never heard before

As he plays, you sway to the music. You smile, having always enjoyed hearing his voice and watching him play guitar. He’d spend hours practicing or writing songs and you’d sit outside whatever room he was in or sit beside him while he sang and played.

Charlie looks at you occasionally as he plays, almost like he’s singing to you.

You set me free You and me together is more than chemistry Love me as I am I'll hold your music here inside my hands

You watch him intently, the smile never leaving your face as he plays. Hearing his voice again makes you so happy.

I feel your rhythm in my heart, yeah-yeah You are my brightest, burning star, woah-woah I never knew a love so real (So real) We're heaven on earth, melody and words

As he finishes up the song, you stop swaying and you look at him. Charlie finishes and he looks at you. He laughs a bit and says, “And that’s Perfect Harmony.”

“It’s beautiful,” you tell him. “And I’m not just saying that because you kind of wrote the song while thinking about me. I think it’s really good, Charlie. You’re so talented.”

Charlie’s face gets a little flustered and he says, “I’m just decent at guitar and decent at singing.”

You say, “You wouldn’t have landed a huge Netflix role if you weren’t crazy talented, Charlie. You know that right?”

He packs up his guitar and says, “You don’t have to lie to me like we’re still dating, Y/N.” Charlie gets up and puts his guitar back in the closet he took it about from. You get up and walk over to him.

When he turns around, he jumps a bit, startled that you were right there. You stare up at him and say, “I’m telling you right now that you are insanely talented. I’m face to face with you now so you can’t tell me that I’m lying.”

After a moment of staring up into Charlie’s eyes, he takes a step toward you. Your heart begins to race in your chest and you take a deep breath. You feel his fingers touch your hand and butterflies erupt in your belly. His callused fingers intertwine with yours and you gasp.

“Can I kiss you?” Charlie suddenly asks.

You nod slowly, tilting your head up. It’s been so long since Charlie’s kissed you, and you always loved his kisses. Whenever you were upset, he’d kiss your forehead or your cheek or your neck and you’d feel better almost immediately.

Charlie’s free hand comes up to your face, cupping your cheek. He leans down and ghosts his lips over yours hesitantly. You lean your head up as Charlie becomes more sure and crashes his lips to yours. You gasp softly before kissing him back. The kiss is slow and soft as you both take in the moment.

In the two years apart, you’ve never lost feelings for Charlie. You tried to date but it never worked out because you never were able to get over the only man you ever really loved. Being able to hold his hand and kiss him again feels heavenly.

Both of you stand like this for a few moments before you pull back, looking up at Charlie. He looks down at you and asks, “How long will you be in Los Angeles?”

You say, “I’m moving into my new apartment tomorrow. I just flew in a day early.”

He smiles and asks, “So you’re here permanently?”

“I’m here permanently,” you say, smiling. “So if you’re willing to try the relationship thing again then-”

Charlie cuts you off with another kiss, this one rougher than the last. You laugh as Charlie pulls back, saying, “Are you kidding? I’d love to try the relationship thing again. The only reason I’m staying with my friend is because I’m looking for a new apartment too.”

With a huge smile on both your faces, you wrap your arms around Charlie’s neck. You hug him tight and say, “Looks like we ended up finding our way back to each other.”

“Thank God,” Charlie says against your ear. You laugh.

You spend the night wrapped around Charlie in some way until you begin to fall asleep.

As you doze off to sleep, you hear Charlie begin to sing softly.

The truth is finally breaking through Two worlds collide when I'm with you Our voices rise and soar so high We come to life when we're In perfect harmony

A smile forms on your face as you snuggle against Charlie’s side, falling asleep in his arms.

#charlie gillespie imagine #charlie gillespie fluff #charlie gillespie x oc #charlie gillespie x reader #charlie gillespie x y/n #julie and the phantoms imagines #jatp imagines #jatp imagine #fluff imagines #imagines #imagine #fluff #fluffy

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angellesword · 3 years

Text

MAGIC SHOP | JJK (02)

Description: You and Jungkook were best friends who were in love with each other. What would happen when Soojin, your half sister who you’re trying to impress, told you she’s in love with Jungkook too?

Alternatively,

“Would you believe me if I said that I was scared of everything too?”

Genre: childhood best friends to lovers, family drama, angst, fluff, slow burn, pining, slice of life au.

Pairing: Architect!Jungkook x Architect!Reader

Word Count: 3k

Warnings/Note: child abuse (physical and psychological/emotional violence) , psychological manipulation, infidelity.

SERIES: CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 3

Your relationship with your father used to be a secret.

You were an illegitimate child and your mother was a mistress. Taemin obviously didn’t want the world to know about his dirty secret.

So he hid you.

He hid you from his wife and your siblings.

"Mom, is dad coming?" Seven year-old you asked. This was the question you uttered once a year.

Your father was never late with any of his appointments with you. He would always show up on time, sometimes earlier. But there's always that one day of the year wherein he was either hours late or he wouldn't come at all.

That day was your birthday.

You were four years old when your mother made you understand that Taemin couldn't stay at your house since he was busy with work. You didn't question this even though you wanted to know why.

Why couldn't he stay for more than an hour a day? Why didn't he kiss your mother or tell her he loved her just like what you saw husbands did in children's books and movies?

"He's not coming because he doesn't love us. He doesn't love you." Your mother was glaring at you as if it was your fault your father couldn't come to your own birthday party.

Everything was prepared according to his liking, even the food she cooked were his favorites. It was your natal day but it looked like your mother wanted to please somebody else.

It was never about you.

"That's not true! Dad said he loves me the most! I'm his princess—"

"Enough!" She slapped you right across the face, your cheek instantly turning red.

Your eyes brimmed with tears. You also didn't understand why your mother always acted so hostile. What did you do to make her hate you this much?

You followed everything she said. You didn't like sketching but your mother forced you to do it. She kept saying that you needed to be good at it so you could beat Sin-ae's daughter.

You didn't know it that time but your mom was actually referring to Soojin. The latter was a prodigy when it came to drawing. Your mother wanted you to surpass Soojin's talent since it was the only way to become the best architect.

She was wrong though. Being able to draw beautifully wasn't the key to succeeding in the mention field. It was only a bonus.

"You have to be the best if you want your father to stay with us. Do you understand, huh? Be a good girl so your father wouldn't have to look at Sin-ae's daughter." She caressed your cheek after slapping you.

"You can do it, baby girl. You are my leverage."

You were. Your father couldn't leave his obsessive mistress because of you. Your father loved you and didn't want to abandon you, but most importantly, he didn't want Sin-ae to know that you existed.

Your mother threatened Taemin that she would expose his infidelity if he tried to abscond from his responsibilities to you.

Taemin was a powerful person, unfortunately he couldn't control your mother. She was richer and stronger than him.

Your mother's only weakness was the love she claimed she felt for your father.

At this point, you didn't know if it was love. Did she really love your father or was she just lonely?

Was your mother scared to be alone? Just like you?

"I'm not going to leave you." You remembered seven year-old Jungkook's promise to you.

You were six when you first met little Jeon. He was the son of Jong-in, another influential architect.

Taemin and Jong-in were best friends. The latter was the only person who knew about your father's secret.

Jong-in knew you. He knew your mother as well. You lived in a small world after all. Jong-in and Taemin built Castle Architectural firm. Your mother was one of their investors.

She saw the potential of Architect Kim and Jeon, but it didn't end with that.

Your mother didn't just see Kim Taemin's potential. She also saw a future with him. She acted based on desire, ignoring the fact that Taemin was already a married man with three children.

Taemin didn't seem to mind the advances of your mother. In fact, he seemed to like it. Because if he didn't, then why were you existing?

Why did he fuck a baby into her?

He wanted this to happen as much as your mother did.

And now, they weren't the only one paying for the price.

You were paying too.

You were suffering because of them. You suffered abuse from your mother and at a very young age, you came to realize that people, no matter how many times they assured you they loved you, would still end up hurting you and breaking the promise they made.

"You are!" This was your response to Jungkook when he said that he wasn't going to leave you.

You two were seven years olds. What did you know about promises and keeping them? You drilled it in your head that Jungkook was just like your father. He would end up breaking his promise.

He was going to leave you too.

"You're a liar, just like my dad!" Tears cascaded down your cheeks.

You were very upset. Your father promised to take you to an amusement park, a simple way to make it up to you for not being able to attend your birthday party. Again.

The promise was made yesterday. Taemin told you to wear your favorite onesie because you were going to Lotte World with him and Jungkook.

Taemin was true to his words. You were at Lotte World with Jungkook, wearing your favorite onesie. However, the adult accompanying you was not your father.

Taemin said he had to work so he sent a nanny to look after you and your best friend.

You found it stupid and annoying. You wanted to spend time with your father. You missed him so much. He hadn't been home for weeks now.

"He keeps saying things he doesn't mean!" You sobbed, continuing your rant.

Jungkook was only staring at you using those innocent eyes. He felt bad. His little heart was shattering.

"I hate him! He doesn't love me!" You were slowly believing what your mother told you.

Were you hard to love because you weren't good enough?

"He doesn't love me." You said again and again. "I'm not a good girl. He doesn't love me—"

Jungkook pulled you into an embrace, cutting your absurd thought.

"That's not true. I love you.." His voice sounded genuine.

You sobbed once more, breaking the hug.

"Really?" The thing about kids was that they were easy to reassure. Buy them an ice cream and voila! They’re okay again.

Jungkook didn't give you an ice cream but you believed him. You guessed you love him too, and also because the stars in his eyes were enough to make you believe that he would never ever leave you.

Nineteen years later, Jungkook was still keeping his promise.

He stayed with you through thick and thin.

"We are baking cake today, Tiger." Jungkook announced.

He sometimes called you Tiger, when you asked him why, he simply said 'because I can.'

You stopped questioning his reasons a long time ago; however, you couldn't stop yourself today.

"Bake a cake? Why?" You creased your forehead.

"Because I want to." Was his answer once again, causing you to roll your eyes.

Why did you even ask?

"Do you know how to bake a cake?"

"Nope," he grinned. "But it won't hurt to try. I've read before that baking is a good way to relieve stress..."

Jungkook brought out an apron from the kitchen cabinet and then he went near you, carefully helping you to put on the garment.

He was standing in front you, buckling the D-ring neck that was on the apron. After that, he pulled you closer, your head hitting his chest.

Jungkook encircled his arms around your waist, reaching for the strap behind you as he expertly tied it.

"I can do it, Kook," you slightly pushed him away, chuckling.

He grinned at you.

"I know...but I want to help you."

Of course he did. Jungkook had always been thoughtful and kind. This was why he invited you to his apartment.

You had been staying with him since yesterday. Today was Saturday. You slept here last night. Jungkook didn't mind. He had a spare room and even if he didn't, he wouldn't mind you staying over.

He could always sleep on the floor.

Jungkook was used to sleeping in the same room as you anyway. You used to live in the same house together.

When Jungkook's father died, he officially became an orphan at the age of fifteen. His mother died giving birth to him so no one would look after him now.

All of his relatives were living abroad, this was why Taemin decided to adopt him. Jungkook didn't change his last name. He was still a Jeon. Taemin was simply his legal guardian.

Sin-ae didn't mind that there was an additional member of the family. She could never deny Jungkook since she also treated Jong-in as a dear friend. Besides, the Kims didn't have to worry about the increase of their expenses.

Jungkook was the only heir of Jong-in. The former would inherit his father's share at Castle. Taemin was Jungkook’s fiduciary guardian. He gave Jungkook his share as soon as he reached eighteen.

Jungkook tried to compensate Taemin but the latter didn't accept the money. Instead, he urged Jeonguk to work at Castle as soon as he graduated college.

Your best friend agreed. He could never say no to Taemin. He even stayed at the Kims' mansion despite having the ability to live on his own.

Taemin asked him to stay as per Soojin's request, but two months ago, Jungkook finally moved out of the house because Kim Taehyung, the third born son of Taemin, went back to Seoul after studying and working in New York for years.

"You wanna try baking banana chocolate chip cake? I have all the ingredients here," Jungkook was waiting for you to answer.

You shrugged nonchalantly, helping him prepare.

"Fine by me."

Jungkook asked you to prepare the wet ingredients while he took care of the dry ones.

"You think this is enough?" He was sifting flour.

You coughed.

"Kook! What the hell?" You covered your nose because he was tapping the strainer grimly.

"Oopss..." His lips curled up. "Sorry!"

He wasn't sorry. Not at all. You could tell he was doing this on purpose because instead of stopping, he only used more force while tapping the strainer.

"You ass!" Gritting your teeth, you grabbed a handful of flour from the bowl and started throwing it at Jungkook.

He stopped sifting the flour, eyes widening because of what you did.

"I-It's your fault! You're pissing me off!" You stammered.

You were supposed to be mad at him, but it was you who felt shiver running down your spine when he just stared at you.

Was he mad? Was throwing a handful of flour on his face uncalled for?

"I'm sorry—what the fuck." You hissed when Jungkook also threw flour on your face.

You ended up squinting and coughing because the powder went to your eyes and mouth. It tasted like shit.

"Jeon Jungkook!" You were so annoyed you threw flour at him again.

Jungkook bursted into laughter, clearly having fun.

You two ended up having flour fight—if this was even a thing.

You had to admit that though annoyed, you couldn't help the smile gracing your lips. You liked playing with Jungkook to the point that you didn't want to stop.

You were only forced to end the fight when someone banged on his door.

"Jungkook! Open up!"

Soojin.

You were certain she was on the other side of the door.

"Is that Soojin?" Jungkook furrowed his brow, the smile on his lips was slowly disappearing.

"Yeah. I think so..."

"Huh." He furrowed his brow more. "Did you invite her?"

You shook your head.

Jungkook shrugged. "Okay. I'll ask what she wants. Stay here..."

You nodded, frantically running towards the sink so you could wash your face.

You didn't know why your heart was beating fast or why you felt as if you had done something you shouldn't have.

Maybe you had.

It was the only reasonable explanation why Soojin was glaring at you, her jaw tensed because of annoyance.

"What the hell were you two doing? I've been banging the door for so long! Didn't you hear me!?" This was the first thing Soojin said the moment she took a step in Jungkook's kitchen.

She didn't like that you and Jungkook were staying under the same roof.

"I'm sorry." You bit your lower lip, trailing off.

You didn't know what else to say. You knew your sister. Her question was rhetorical. She would only get madder if you tried to reason out.

When she was pissed, all you had to do was shut up and take the shit she would give you.

"The door is literally a few steps away! I don't understand why you can't hear me!"

Soojin continued to rant as you watched Jungkook enter the kitchen. He instantly stopped your sister's mean remarks because he could feel that it was making you uncomfortable.

"Let it go, Soojin. We apologized, didn't we?"

But Soojin just scoffed. She was about to speak again; however, Jungkook cut her off.

"There's an apron in the cabinet. Wear it if you want to join us..."

You were surprised when Soojin didn't protest. Rolling her eyes, she stomped towards the hanging cabinet to get an apron.

"What are we making?" Soojin crossed her arms.

"Banana chocolate chip cake." You simply said.

Soojin nodded, refusing to look at you.

"I'll mash the bananas." When she said this, you were expecting her to peel the bananas and use a fork to mash them.

Soojin didn't do any of this. Instead, she threw the bananas in the trash bin.

"What? The bananas are overripe." She reasoned out when you and Jungkook groaned.

"It doesn't matter. We can still use—"

"I said I don't want overripe bananas!” It was her turn to cut what Jungkook was saying.

"There's a grocery store across the street. Go buy some bananas, Jungkook."

It was hard to fight Soojin. She would just continue insisting what she wanted until you relented.

Jungkook didn't have a choice but to follow your sister, leaving you in the kitchen with Soojin.

You were thinking how to break the ice when your sister suddenly spoke.

"You didn't go home last night..."

You stopped weighing the butter, your heart skipping a beat.

"Yeah. I stayed the night here..."

Soojin clenched her jaw and you wondered if you should have lied instead. It looked like she didn't like your answer.

"You know, dad asked where you are and I told him you were in your room, working..."

Silence.

"I told him not to disturb you. You're obviously still moping because of what happened yesterday..."

You didn't know what to say. You knew you should be thanking her. Your father was strict. Jungkook was a friend, yes, but Taemin would go feral knowing that you were out here, doing God knows what with a boy when you should be in your own room, working and fixing your mistakes.

"I covered for you because I care about your feelings." She scoffed once again. "But it turns out you don't care about what I feel, huh?"

"Soojin..." You called. "What are you talking about?"

Why was she getting mad at you? You covered for her countless times! Meanwhile she only did the same for you once.

"I'm saying I like Jungkook, sister." She confessed, emphasizing the word 'sister.'

Your heart sank, face growing pale.

"Y-You like...Jungkook?" Saying this felt like a stab in your chest.

"I've been in love with him since we were sixteen. I tried telling him how I feel but I can't do it because of you." The way she said this made you feel like it was your fault.

"Me?" You blinked, shocked.

"Yes. You..." She inhaled deeply, like she was trying hard to stop herself from lashing out on you.

"You were always with him. I can't find the perfect opportunity to tell him the truth because I feel like you're preventing me!"

"Soojin..." You tried to reach for her hand but she swatted it away.

She was upset.

"I'm sorry..." You apologized. You honestly had no idea why you're saying sorry.

You guessed you felt bad.

She was right. You were always with Jungkook, always monopolizing his time that you didn't realize that you were hurting Soojin—preventing her happiness.

"I don't need your sorry. I need you to stay away from Jungkook for a while. Can you do that, huh? Will you let your sister confess first?" Just a few breaths ago, she was swatting your hand away, but now, she was taking it, gently stroking the back of your hand.

"Please? I'm not saying that you should stop being friends with him. I get it. You met him first. You were friends before I came into his life....but please, please give us time and space. I really, really like Jungkook..."

Soojin was looking at you as though she would die if you didn't say yes.

So yes.

You said "Yes. I won’t stop you from telling him how you feel..." just to make her happy.

Soojin's happiness mattered to you.

You could live without Jungkook for a while.

She couldn't. She had waited long enough.

It was her time to be with him.

You were allowing this.

You were allowing her to be happy with your best friend.

"Yay!" Soojin embraced you. "Thank you, sister!"

You smiled and hugged her back, reminding yourself that you made the right choice.

After all, it should always be family first, right?

#ficswithluv #bts jungkook #jungkook fluff #jungkook best friends to lovers #jungkook fanfic #jungkook angst #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook x oc #jungkook x y/n #jungkook roommate au #armywriterssupport

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