#i will absolutely never be able to draw those pants again but she looks awesome

[aroaceleovaldez]

sans text/white bg version of this. i have decided we need to draw Thalia with battlepants more often cause it totally rocks.

#pjo #percy jackson #riordanverse #nico di angelo #thalia grace #my art #little big 3 really said kneecaps: out #also i had so much fun putting details on thalia yall have got to get in on this #seriously just go wild with it #i will absolutely never be able to draw those pants again but she looks awesome

[winter-fox-queen]

Final Bets

Summary:  Alejandro enacts his daring plan to get You and your daughter free and clear.  But will things end the way he thought they would, when he foist came when you called?

Warnings:  Some violence, cursing, and the attendant and You are both female.

Final one.  THANK YOU for reading this.  And special thanks to @hnt-escape for being amazing, talented, and putting up with me.  (Also for creating the collages.). Her awesome poem is here:

This time, he knew who was on the other side of the door when someone knocked on it.  He opened it up, resolved, serious, a little nervousness building, coiling inside his stomach.  

The front desk clerk.  Looking equally resolved.  He nods, tosses the key on the bed, and shuts the door.

“You remember what I told you?”  He pulls over in an alley, dropping her off in a blind spot so there’s no record of them together.  Casablanca rises like a debauched king over them, not too far a walk.  He hands her an envelope.  She nods, shoves it away.  He takes her chin gently.  “If it looks dangerous, if there’s even the tiniest bit of danger…run.  Nothing’s worth your life.”

She nods again, smiles.  “You can depend on me.”

“Take your cut before her daughter gets there, leave the bag, and split.”

“You don’t trust her?”

“I didn’t raise her.”  He says, looking at the rearview mirror, watching now, always.  “I could have been…not biologically, I was out of the picture, then.  But if she needed help, I would have come.  I always made sure she had a way to reach me.”  He shrugged.  “So, her kid doesn’t know me…why would she trust me?  And that means I…we…can’t trust her.”

“But you trust me?”

He smiles at her, and nods.  A bit like he’s surprised to admit it.

“Alright.”  She gets out of the car and he reverses down the alley, finds a cruddy lot where the cameras are probably broken and parks.  Pays the guy at the kiosk cash.  Reviews what your daughter told him about security protocols.  Hope you were right, that the whole staff had grown soft, because people were too afraid to try and steal from the Casablanca so the guards were really more show than tell.

Every step, he has two things going on in his mind.  Mentally he’s estimating where the attendant is, sees her enter the casino just ahead of him, so he slows down, resets the timer in his head.  The other thing, of course, is looking for you.

He told her daughter, on the phone earlier, not to let you know.   So when you look at him, at first just a security guard in a trim suit looking for danger, then realization as to who he is warms your eyes and there’s a softness to your face for a moment before the mask slips back into place.

He’s wearing a white shirt and black pants, and the red jacket again.  He know he smells of chlorine and bad decisions.

But still, he makes his way over.  Watches a craps game but does not wager. Cashes the 5,000 chip out.  Thinks. She left the gift shop by now.  She must be at the elevator.  Now she’s on the third floor.  Now it’s the restroom.  Let’s give it a moment, in case someone is in that stall…

He buys one 100.00 chip.  The teller didn’t want to give him something so low, but he just stood there and smiled, with his biggest, sharpest smile, tacky sunglasses hiding his eyes, changing the shape of his face.

He plays the roulette, the ultimate wheel of fortune.  Wins, which is annoying because he knows he doesn’t have time to cash it in, so he dumps in on the tray of a nearby waitress and finishes his approach.

“I’m sorry.”  He says, when he gets close enough.

You frown.  “For what?”

He sticks his hands in his pockets.  Casablanca was one of the casinos that still armed their guards.  The gun was casino property, logged in and out.  

“Everything.  I wish.  I should have gone with you.  I should never even have left you for any reason at all.”

You’re scanning the room, trying to stay composed, but he can see it, a flicker here and there of emotion.

In his head, the elevator dinged.  She’d be leaving, making her way to the doors.  The loot in a brand new bag.  

“I could stand here all day and apologize.  But it won’t matter.”

“Why not?”  Did he hear a little desperation, a little longing?  Or was he hoping to hear it?

“Because of this.”  He grabbed her wrist, slung her roughly around, his right hand yanking her gun out of its holster.  Left arm around her, pressing her to him, right hand shooting in what he hoped was a civilian safe direction before pressing it to her temple.

“I am so sorry sweetheart.”  He whispers in your ear.  

“What do you want?”  you scream.  “Let me go!”

He doesn’t want the guards to think heist.  He doesn’t want them to think money, or danger to the casino.  He wants the other guards to think there is just one problem, and it is right here.  He wants confusion.  

“We’re going outside and you can tell the moon and the stars to stop talking to me!”  He screams.  “I am so fucking sick of them talking to me!”

He starts pulling you back, ranting and raving, into the men’s room.  No cameras, and one of those that was positioned with two sets of doors.  

“Run on through, and start screaming.”  He says, shedding his skin, shoving the red jacket into a bin.  “Your daughter will text you the meeting place.”

The guard ran in only a second later.  They look at the messy haired man, hands up, thick rimmed glasses, blue tee shirt.  

“He took her that way…through the other door.”  His voice is completely different, thick Spanish accent, soft and timid and very afraid and completely non threatening.  

The guard kept going. Alejandro adjusts his glasses, takes one more look at himself in the mirror, and leaves the restroom, flowing through the crowds.  Worried over you.  Hoping you were shedding your skin, too, coming out the other side safe.

There you were.  Hair down.  Suit coat off.  You were wearing a white shell, arms bare.  You winked at him, and then the crowd took you away, just as they started, finally, locking down the casino.  He made it out, barely, and kept walking.

He pulled out of the parking lot, and she was there.  The attendant.  He stopped, smiling up at her, and she took something out of her bag.  A smaller purse.  Tiger stripped gold leather.  She hands it to him.  “To go with your shirt.”  He opens it.  500,00 dollars, probably, give or take.

“Is this?”

“Your share.  I don’t trust her either.”

He tucks it under the seat, behind his legs.  “You know,” he says, contemplatively.  “If we go left, we could go off, become private eyes.  I think you could probably buy your way in to a very new practice.”

She leans on the door.  “And right?”

He grins up at her.  “How do you feel about moral ambiguity?  

“I don’t know.”  She’s smiling a little now.

“Or…I could drop you off at the bus station.  Then you’d really be free.”

She came around to the passenger side and got in.  He started driving away, not wanting to draw any more attention by stalling.

“No to the bus station,” she says after a bit.  “Can I think about the other two?”

“Absolutely.  You have time…I need to drive us somewhere first.  Make sure of something.”  He clears his throat.  “If you don’t mind?”

She shakes her head.  “Does it have to do with the note you asked me to give her daughter?’

“Yeah.  Go ahead and sleep.”  He says.  “It’s a long drive.”

**

He’s sitting on the edge of the pool, tee shirt and shorts, clean shaven.  He looks like no one he’s ever been before.  His legs are in the water, and rose petals swirl around.  The one place you’d be able to find easily.  If you wanted to.

“How long should I wait?”  He asks her.  She’s lounging on a lounge chair, reading a book on basic private investigation.  She hasn’t told him, right or left, yet.  He doesn’t mind waiting.  He can live a long time on half a million dollars.  

“How long did you give her?”

“Twenty four hours.”

“Give her at least 48.  Maybe even 72.  She might have gotten caught up.”

He shakes his head.  “She got clear.  Her kid texted me.”

“Alright.  If we don’t hear anything, we’ll check out the day after tomorrow.”

“Sounds good.”  He captures some of the rose petals in his hand.

“Will you…will you be miserable, if she doesn’t come?”

He grins over his shoulder at her.  “No.  I won’t be miserable at all.”

She returns his smile, holds up the book.  “Left, then.”

Thanks to @sharkbait77 and everyone who commented and showed support.

#instyle #Hope #Pedro Pascal #My Fic

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #306

i’m v talkative today so pardon my jabbering below.

What is the strangest type of candy you have eaten? I think I've had one of those lollipops with a bug in it before as a kid? I don't remember. What would be your most ideal profession? A freelance photographer. But I'm honestly starting to lose hope. Have you tried those coloring books for adults? Yeah; it's funny you mention 'em, 'cuz a family friend got me one for my birthday earlier this month. What is a topic you definitely don't want to talk about with anyone? I don't like talking about my sexual history, doesn't matter who you are. It's just uncomfortable. What was your first gaming console? An Atari. Is there something you're eagerly waiting for? What is it? *SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE* MAY NEEDS TO FUCKIN' HURRY. My tattoo appointment is set then. :''') Do you/have you ever belonged to an organization? If so, which one? I was a Girl Scout when I was young. What is something you're very passionate about? Nature conservation, gay rights (equal rights in general, really), the pro-choice movement, and then there are less "important" things like certain hobbies interests and such. I'm sure there are more big ones that are just slipping my mind right now, considering I feel passionately for a shitload of stuff. What are you studying or what was the last thing you studied? I majored in Art & Design with a focus on Photography in college. But guess who dropped out. What was the last present you gave someone? I don't know... I mention enough that I don't have a source of income where I can really buy anything. I think the last thing I did was a Christmas gift for Mom a year or two back of a drawing I did of our late dog Cali, whom she absolutely adored. Do you enjoy plays? If so, what was the latest one you saw? Not really, no. What was the last thing you achieved? PHP has helped me focus on little victories, so prepare for an underwhelming answer haha, but it's something. I Facebook messaged an old friend I really wanted to catch up with, and everyone in group cheered for me. :') It was really heartwarming. What a shocker that this program is really helping me once again. What is something you would like to achieve at some point in your life? I would love love love to take at least one "famous" or award-winning photograph. It'd be such amazing validation that I'm talented at something I love so much. What is one philosophy you have regarding life/living/purpose? That's... difficult to answer seeing as I'm trying desperately to find my purpose. I do try to live by this old quote a therapist said once: "Deal with life, or life deals with you." I think it holds an incredible amount of depth and meaning in such a short phrase. How would you design the inside of your own home? I don't know the details of it, really, besides that shit is gonna look like a Halloween house year-round. I can imagine wanting black furniture, too, and having loooots of decor expressive of what I love and find comfort in. Gotta make a house feel like a home just for me. What is a band you remember liking from your childhood? Backstreet Boys, duh. Do you ever get mad at people for not having the same opinion as you (i.e. abortion being wrong/right, meat-eating being wrong/right)? Two things: it depends on the topic, and "get mad" is the wrong term for what I feel. It's more disgust; ex., I'm repulsed by anti-gay rights people and want absolutely nothing to do with 'em, but I'm not like, mad at them. Do you edit any of your pictures? In what ways? Oh yeah, and it definitely depends on the raw photograph. I edit depending on the mood it emanates; like if you've seen my roadkill photography versus nature shots, there is an extremely distinct difference in editing style and vibe. I'd say in general though, I tend to like to brighten my photographs and add more vibrance. If you like to take pictures, what is your motivation? God, I could write an essay on this. I just love and am so thankful for the fact we can literally freeze time forever with the click of a button and look back on fantastic sights, beautiful moments, memories... It's just magical to me, and I adore contributing to that art. Would you ever consider living anywhere cold? Well yeah, that's my preference, actually. What is your absolute favorite food? The spicy shrimp fritas from Olive Garden, jfc. Would you ever wear snake-skin pants, or other animal clothing? Fuck to the absolute hell no. What foreign country would you like to go to for a shopping spree? Idk, considering I'm not well-versed in the artistic creations of other countries. Perhaps India? Japan? I dunno. If you met your favorite musician, what would you ask him/her? I'm asking for his fucking autograph and a hug while I smile my face in two AND cry lmao. What do you spend most of your day thinking about? I ain't gonna bullshit nobody, my PTSD. In some way or another, he's lurking in that head of mine through memories, flashbacks, wonders of what could have gone differently... but thank God it's no longer in the forefront of my mind after my first PHP. I've come very, very far, but especially when trying to blank out my mind to fall asleep, parts of PTSD strangle my brain until I'm just finally out. I really hope that changes someday. Where is a busy place you would like to go to? Yikes, nowhere, really. I like to avoid busy locations. Do you think video games cause people to become violent? Absolutely not. You are responsible for the decisions you make; music, games, movies, etc. have no deciding voice in stupid shit you do, and it's bullshit that people blame art and entertainment for such things. Vocabulary: What was the last word you learned? I'm unsure. Have you or could you build your own site? Absolutely not from scratch. The closest I've gotten to that is my photography website, but it was through the assistance of Wix. What's the best thing you can cook yourself? Scrambled eggs, haha. I do make some bomb eggs at least. Are there a lot of graffiti around your neighborhood? No. Do you have a hobby that forces you out of the house? If so, what is it? Nature photography. Would you stop eating meat, if you had to raise and slaughter it yourself? Absolutely. God, I want to go vegetarian again... Besides English, what other languages can you speak? I can speak a very little bit of German. Took four semesters of it in high school and became very good at it, but lack of practice has pretty much ruined that. Besides English, what other languages can you read? I can read German well; as in, I can pronounce most words I see, but that doesn't mean I understand what is written. Do you think you could make it as a chef? Gordon Ramsey would deadass kick me off his show on day one, lmao. What's your favorite kind of tea? It marvels me JUST how many tea and coffee questions are in surveys. Anyway, I don't like tea. I am an embarrassment to NC culture. What thing/person/happening has made you the happiest you've been? lask;dfjal;wekrjwe What's the most freeing thing you've ever done? Stealing my happiness back from someone who had no right to hold it all in its entirety. That shit's mine. Do you think today's kids are really impatient? Most, probably, but in some ways I can understand it - at least, in the sense that with the assistance of modern technology and advancements in satiating our wants so quickly, kids just expect it. I definitely believe that patience is something to try to be deeply instilled in everyone, though. I don't have an ounce of it (in most situations) and wish I did. Have you ever tasted birch sap? No. How about the young buds/shoots of spruce trees? No. Which edible flowers have you tasted? One of my favorite Southern experiences is finding a bunch of honeysuckles and tasting the honey (is it technically even honey??). Tastes amazing. My family's hairdresser lives down a beautiful path that sprouts a massive amount of them, and as kids, my sisters and her two boys would go tasting them while our parents talked for so long, or if we were waiting our turn. Good memories. What has been your worst restaurant experience? I'm not sure, really. What's the most immature, adolescent thing that still makes you laugh? "Inappropriate humor type jokes." <<<< They can get me sometimes, too. Have you ever had a life-threatening condition? If so, what was it? No, thankfully. Have you ever had a custom print done on a shirt? If so, what was it? I don't believe so, no. Besides making a tye-dye one in HS with our school colors. Wasn't my idea and never wore it, haha. Do you ever read other people's survey answers? It depends on the person. If it's a friend, absolutely, because I love learning usually obscure things about them I wouldn't have known otherwise. If it's a user I don't know from wherever I got the survey, sometimes, depending on how short the answer is and my eyes kinda just scroll over it. Do you like daytime or night time better? Why? Daytime, especially mornings. I'm generally happier when there's light around. What's your highest level of education so far? Some college. Describe your ordinary day: My average day is embarrassingly uneventful. It's sitting on the laptop doing shit on various sites, none of which are actually important, and playing WoW, which is also without true substance, save for social interactions with my friends on there. I spray Venus' terrarium everyday multiple times as well to keep the humidity up, and obviously eat and handle that kinda bodily needs stuff. Would you ever have a UV tattoo? Ugh, that'd be so dope. I've seen some awesome ones, but idk if I'd get one, considering when am I actually going to be under UV light?? Like I wanna be able to see my tat. What is the brand and color name of your favorite lipstick? I have one black lipstick, but it comes right off so I don't even like it. I only ever put it on to take pictures. What do you like on your tortilla? Just ham and cheese. How about inside your pita bread? I've never had pita bread, actually. What do you like in your burger? It depends on where I'm getting the burger. My basic is cheese, ketchup, mustard, a bit of mayo, pickles, and a light sprinkle of diced onion, but sometimes I add bacon and take away the onions. How about on your pizza? I have three I tend to pick from: pepperoni, jalapeno, or meat lovers. Do you work better alone or in a group? Alone, definitely. Which body part would you not mind losing? I'ma be extremely honest, with just how horribly weak my legs are, I could live without them, I guess. Not saying I want to by any means, it's just exhausting using them. Ideally, I'd take away something minor, like a finger or something. What common saying people use is absolute BS to you? “'Everything happens for a reason.'” <<<< Fuckin' colossal "same." I won't rag on people who believe it, especially if it gives you courage to keep moving forward, but I don't believe it in the slightest. If it were so, I'd like to talk to whoever is in control of those "reasons," please. What is the most interesting thing you’ve read or seen this week? I had no idea elephants were pregnant for two years, like holy shit, can you imagine. It was in an article I saw on Facebook about a mother and daughter elephant who are both expecting and doing well. Wonderful to hear. What’s the most useless talent you have? Ha, I'm a master in the arts of catastrophizing and jumping to conclusions involving people hating me in one way or another. What’s something everyone looks stupid doing? I'm one of those people who hate dabbing done by anybody, like you look like you're just smelling your armpit. Which kids’ movie scarred you for life? I wouldn't say "scarred me for life" by any means, but when I was little, I was terrified of the Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz and even had nightmares about her. It sucked because my little sister was obsessed with that movie, haha. In one sentence, how would you sum up the Internet? A source of incredible knowledge but also hate and misinformation. What would be the most ridiculous thing for the government to make illegal? I literally dread the idea of Roe vs. Wade being reversed. Banning abortion would kill so many people with operational uteruses and cause absolute pandemonium. How many friends do you have on social media and how many of them do you know for real? On Facebook, I have 124 friends, and I'd say I know most of them "in real life." However, having been on the Internet since I was so young and befriending loads of incredible people, a good chunk are "online friends." Hell, I'm more interested in their lives than most "real" ones. Long-distance friendships are so valid. What fact amazes you every time you think of it? Lots of things, generally regarding the stupidity of humanity. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done? Probably going to the beach w/ my old friend Colleen. We had zero plans of doing it, but she just called me one morning and asked if I wanted to go, and off we went. It was a fun day. What has taken up too much of your life? I'ma be real, WoW. I don't think I'm addicted to it like I once was seeing as I go through spans where I barely want to play it at all and don't, so I truly am capable of not playing it, but rather it's just the most entertaining way to kill time in my life. I just don't like how much time I've invested into a game over six or seven years regardless. Where do you not mind waiting? Uh, nowhere lmao. Is there an app you hate to use, but still use every day? No; why would I use it if that was the case? Who is the funniest person you know? My friend Girt is fucking hysterical. What three words describe you best? Complex, passionate, and creative. What makes you think you’re smart? Lol who says I think I'm smart? Who inspires you? Korean Jesus. Okay on a serious note, not just him, of course, but he's #1 in an entire universe of ways. Do you aspire to be like somebody else? If so, who? No; I want to be my own authentic self. How did you meet your best friend? YouTube, back when it had more social aspects. Which one of your accomplishments are you the most proud of? I want to say my recovery, but like... I wonder a lot if it's "enough" to be proud of with how scarred I still am? I still struggle with a lot and feel like I could be so much better by now if I tried harder. If I'm completely honest with myself, I think it's finishing high school in the top percentile of my graduating class. There was a ceremony for the handful of us and all, and I cherish my plaque probably too much. Reminds me of a time when I knew what the fuck I was doing. What's the strangest thing you ever did as a child? Thinking I had "animal powers" where I could invoke the traits of certain animals at will, like what the actual fuck, Brittany. What did your mother teach you? Christ, a lot. Dad didn't do a lot of the raising, honestly, so much of my core values and whatnot were instilled by my mother. She taught me to care for and be nice to others, respect myself, try my best in everything, and most importantly that she is always there for me and my sisters no matter what and can tell her absolutely anything. She was very serious about us going to college and saving sex for marriage when we were younger, but she diverged from those ideas as absolutely necessary with experience. I'm extremely lucky with who I call my mom, overall. What did your father teach you? Eek... Read above. Not a lot as a kid (save for riding a bike and playing softball); most he's taught me has come following reuniting with him after my parents' divorce. I remember we went to lunch once and talked about my breakup, and he talked to me about sometimes, you just have to let people go in order to be happy, like with him and Mom. He's very serious now about ensuring us girls know that he is always there for us and will help us in any way he's capable. What makes you feel powerful? "Powerful" isn't something I really feel, if I'm being real. What are you ready to let go? It would be inexplicably fantastic if I could let every speck of Jason go in both my head and heart. What is your most bizarre deal-breaker? I don't really find any of my expectations and limits as "bizarre?" They're all valid to me. Well wait, idk if you'd find it strange that I absofuckinglutely would not date someone who hunts, but it's not to me. That's a difference in a very serious value to me. Would you rather be hated or forgotten? Hated. God, I don't want to leave this earth having given just nothing. I can live with some people hating me for whatever reason. What’s the biggest personal change you’ve made? Accepting my bisexuality, probably. That's something that I consider pretty big for two reasons: 1.) I could end up with a woman forever, and especially 2.) I was originally homophobic. I still have difficulty in fathoming how I ever was. What are some of your short-term goals? PHP is finally starting to make me build these again. I want to get better at selfcare, draw, write, and read more, I want to drink a lot more water, exercise way more... Lots of things, really. What is the weirdest thing about you? Uh. I dunno. Probably that I RP meerkats, which is a very obscure RP niche for sure.

#survey #surveys #questions

[zoeytheweeb]

Miraculous Ladybug: K-12 Chapter 1: Wheels on the Bus

AN: Sorry for disappearing, but I got inspired to write a new fic based off Melanie Martinez’s new album and, well, I ended up writing the outline for said fic (which was a lot easier to do compared to writing #notmychatnoir since I actually know how many chapters I want this new fic to have) so here we are! I might change the title, not sure yet, but for now, enjoy the first chapter of my new fic. Don’t worry though, the next chapter of #notmychatnoir is still in the works and Adrien will get his comeuppance! Also, you can read my new fic on AO3 here!

Chapter 1: Wheels on the Bus

I’m just looking out the window and it’s cold outside

There are two boys yelling behind me and I’m terrified

Counting trees as they pass me by

Marinette was bored. Well, not exactly bored per se, but she certainly wasn’t enjoying herself at the moment. She stared out the window, looking at the trees as they passed by. Her sketchbook sat on her lap, a new one that she had not used yet in case Lila tried anything when nobody is looking. That way, if her sketchbook did mysteriously go missing (read: stolen), then nothing she draws in it would have been of any real importance to her.

Currently, Marinette and her classmates, along with Ms. Bustier, were on a school bus making their way to their field trip destination. They were going to Maison de Victor Hugo to learn more about the well-known writer and write a report about what they have learned when they go home for the day. The assignment was worth a good portion of their final grade, but Marinette wasn’t worried about that.

Instead, she was very excited to go on this field trip. Even with Lila causing trouble and painting Marinette as a villain every chance she had, and taking most of her friends from her while she was at it, she was still able to look forward to going to school each day and not let Lila get to her. Although, it was not like Marinette actually had a choice in not letting Lila get under her skin. She is Ladybug, after all, she cannot afford to be akumatized, and even if she could, Marinette absolutely refused to let Lila of all people be the reason she would be akumatized in the first place. She would not give that brat the satisfaction of being her downfall.

And I’m trying not to look across the aisle

‘Cause Maya’s letting Dan put his hand up her skirt

And she’s got her hand down his pants

Speaking of which, Marinette glanced across the aisle from where she was sitting in the third row, rolling her eyes when she noticed Lila clinging onto Adrien’s arm as they sat next to each other. Marinette never understood why nobody noticed how uncomfortable Adrien looked whenever Lila put her hands on him, or even got near him for that matter. For that matter, Marinette also could not understand why Adrien never said anything about it when he clearly wanted to. However, she understands that he is most likely used to such behavior, especially since he never did much other than attempt to dodge Chloe’s tackles when she used to act the way Lila currently is around him, key words being “used to.”

That was something Marinette, and most likely everyone else when they’re not fawning over Lila, was surprised about. Queen Bee must have flipped a switch in Chloe, because after Ladybug gave her another chance to be a hero, Chloe started to become nicer. It was small of course, with Chloe visibly stopping herself from insulting everyone she came across and apologizing to everyone for everything she had done. Then, Chloe actually started to do nice things for people, especially Sabrina. Marinette was very proud of Chloe and made sure to tell her that after they became friends.

Glancing behind her, Marinette saw Chloe and Sabrina sitting at the back of the bus, quietly chatting about something. Knowing those two, and for once Marinette was happy to admit that she knew them, they were most likely gossiping, probably about Lila if the scoffs they threw her way whenever she opened her mouth to spew another lie were to go by.

Chloe looked around, most likely feeling eyes on her, when she locked eyes with Marinette. She gave a quick smile, a genuine one instead of the cruel smirk she had gotten used to receiving from Chloe, before turning back to her conversation with Sabrina. Marinette smiled to herself, giving Sabrina a small wave when she looked at her as well, before turning around to look back at Lila when she heard her speaking.

“Of course I knew him! I’m actually the great-granddaughter of Victor Hugo’s daughter, Leopoldine,” Lila was saying, still clinging onto Adrien as she lied to anyone that would listen.

“Wow, Lila!” Mylene exclaimed, sitting in the first row in front of Lila and Adrien, Ivan sitting next to her. Although, with how tall he is, it looked like Mylene was sitting on his lap to fit.

“Cool!” Kim shouted, sitting in the fourth row behind Marinette’s seat. Marinette could not see his expression, if she had turned around to look, she would have noticed Max, who was sitting next to Kim, frown at Lila’s claim. However, he said nothing, and his frown was gone as soon as it appeared.

“That’s awesome, dude!” Nino stated, sitting next to Alya as they sat in the second row in front of Lila.

“Ooh, you have to tell us everything, girl!” Alya stated, already pulling out her phone and recording Lila.

I know the driver sees it

I know he’s peeking in the rearview mirror

He says nothing

Trying to ignore it, it’s fucking boring

I’m quietly observing, I’m saying nothing

Adrien said nothing, simply choosing to smile nervously as his eyes glanced frantically around him, probably looking for a way to escape Lila’s grip without being too obvious about it.

Marinette quietly scoffed, trying not to draw attention to herself lest Lila decides to accuse Marinette of bullying her again. If Lila and her followers had actually done research, they would know that Leopoldine died when she was 19, along with her husband and their unborn child, she thought. However, she took comfort in knowing that only a few of her classmates were actually paying attention to her lies. Other than Chloe and Sabrina, who had both learned about Lila’s true nature after overhearing her threaten Marinette again, a few of their classmates saw through Lila’s lies as well now. Marinette looked at the seat across from Chloe and Sabrina, noticing Nathaniel shake his head softly at Lila’s back while Alix glared holes at the back of Lila’s head.

Nathaniel found out Lila was lying when she talked to him and Marc, claiming to have met a famous comic book writer, shortly after said writer had died. Alix, on the other hand, found out about Lila’s lies when she claimed to have participated, and won, in a huge roller-derby competition that Alix had managed to convince her father to take her to see two years ago. Needless to say, Alix was livid, and most likely would have done something drastic if Juleka and Rose had not been there to stop her.

Juleka and Rose were another two of Marinette’s classmates who had learned of Lila’s true nature. Juleka had always been suspicious of Lila, only choosing to hang out with her because Rose was excited about how amazing their new friend seemed to be. However, one day Rose had talked to Prince Ali, eagerly asking him what it was like to be friends with Lila. Poor Rose was devastated when Prince Ali told her that he had no idea who Lila even was and that he has not invited anyone to stay at his palace or worked on charity cases for pollution. He had apologized but had to hang up due to his tight schedule. After that, Rose and Juleka distanced themselves from Lila and her sycophants, taking everything Lila said with a grain of salt and only talking to her when she addressed them.

Of course, the four students apologized to Marinette for believing she was bullying Lila, and although it took a while for her to trust them, Marinette forgave them and tended to hang out with them along with Chloe and Sabrina, although it took the others a while to trust those two as well. Unfortunately, the rest of their classmates still believed Lila wholeheartedly, with the exception of Adrien of course but he is still content to take the high road and let Lila do what she wants, including Alya. At first, it had hurt to have her own best friend believe essentially a complete stranger over her, but Marinette has long since given up on getting Alya to see reason, especially after Alya continued to accuse Marinette of being jealous of the attention Lila’s getting from Adrien whenever she tried to show Alya proof that Lila was lying.

If Alya had actually bothered to listen to Marinette, then she would know that she is no longer interested in Adrien. A girl can only take so much pain and humiliation just for trying to confess to the boy before she decides that he’s not worth it, after all. Besides, after Adrien told her to take the high road, Marinette began to realize that her crush was not as perfect as she made him out to be and that her methods of trying to get him to notice her were very unhealthy and borderline stalker-ish. It had taken a while, but Marinette had finally taken the time to think about her crush, and after looking around her room, she realized that she seemed more like an obsessed fangirl than a love interest, much less a friend.

It was not easy to admit, it was even harder to let go of her affection for him, but with help from Tikki and surprisingly Chloe, although Chloe does not know about Tikki of course, Marinette had taken down all of the photos of Adrien she had on her walls. After some consideration, Marinette had even sold most of the birthday presents she made for him, specifically the ones she made for when he was older, much older. She kept the ones she made for him for his next birthday, deciding that at least it would be easier for her to give it to him in person, so he does not end up assuming his father made him the presents again. After all, she may not love Adrien anymore nor does she actually trust him to have her back as he said he would, but she still considered him a friend, even if they have not hung out as much as she would have liked, with and without a crush on him being in the way.

While she was at it, Marinette made birthday presents for her friends as well, so she would at least be prepared for their birthdays next year, especially if she and Chat Noir do not defeat Hawkmoth before then. She would hate him even more if he sent out an akuma before she could make presents and celebrate her friends’ respective birthdays.

Marinette had also decided to keep the schedule up, though she made changes to it. Instead of having only Adrien’s schedule on the chart, she had her friends’ and classmates’ schedules as well. Despite being late to school all the time, although she has been getting better at waking up early lately, Marinette loved being organized. The fact that she is the class representative only made that love for proper organization grow. It is her job to make sure all of her classmates can attend a certain event or field trip, and reporting to Ms. Bustier if they cannot. Marinette has also learned her lesson after Max was akumatized into Gamer again, and has decided to make a schedule for herself as well so she would not be overworked with everything she had to do anymore.

Marinette’s phone buzzed in her pocket, she had taken it out of her purse since she did not want the vibrations to disturb Tikki, who was currently sleeping. Already knowing who was texting her, Marinette smiled as she pulled out her phone to double-check that yes, Luka was texting her, most likely to see how she was doing. A faint blush bloomed over Marinette’s cheeks at the thought.

Luka: Hey, how’s the field trip?

Marinette smiled as she replied, explaining that they are still on the bus and that Lila was making up another lie.

A few days after Lila became Chameleon, Marinette ran into Luka, who had somehow noticed her bad mood and talked to her. It took some nudging, but Luka had managed to get the story out of Marinette, and they had spent a few hours sitting on a bench at the park, Luka listening intently as she explained the Lila situation. When she finished, Luka looked at her with a frown on his face. At first, Marinette had worried that even he did not believe her, and she would not have blamed him if that were the case, he is Juleka’s brother after all so he would probably believe his sister compared to a girl he had not hung out with much.

However, Luka must have sensed her worries, and quickly reassured her that he believed her, and Marinette had never felt as much relief as she had at that moment that she almost would have cried. Thankfully, she did not cry, although tears did still prick the corners of her eyes. Luka had wiped those tears away, and they went to get some ice cream. They spent the rest of the day just talking and hanging out, until Luka had to go home, not before promising to call and text her more often, and soon they began to hang out and get to know each other more.

Then Silencer happened, and after Luka confessed Marinette was left confused. She was still trying to get over Adrien at the time, and Luka must have realized that because he never brought up his confession again. That did not stop Marinette from thinking about it whenever she could, though. However, with everything going on with Lila and trying to get over Adrien, Marinette felt like she was not ready to date at the time. Now though, she has friends sticking by her side and she is completely over Adrien and feeling a lot better about herself. Somewhere down the line, Marinette realized, she began to get a crush on Luka as well, but she still stood by her decision to take care of herself first before taking the chance to date him.

Marinette had made that decision two months ago. Now, after talking to Luka the weekend before this field trip took place, and telling him that she feels ready to try dating, with the request of going slow, Luka had accepted her decision, congratulating her on taking the time to recover from everything before asking her out. Marinette had accepted, and now they are dating, and Marinette has never felt happier than she does when she’s with Luka.

No one’s watching us, don’t give a fuck

Wheels on the bus

I’m holding it down up in the front

Wheels on the bus

(Ooh, ooh, ooh) Wheels on the bus

Marinette’s phone buzzed again, signifying another text from Luka. However, before she could look at it, a voice caught her attention.

“Marinette?”

Said girl glanced up, looking around until she noticed Lila staring at her with a faux expression of concern on her face. Marinette held back a sigh, already knowing that whatever was about to happen would give her a headache.

“Yes?” She asked, just barely managing to keep the annoyance she felt out of her voice. Looking around again, she noticed that all eyes, except the bus driver’s of course, were on her now. Marinette was wary, wondering what Lila would try to pull this time.

“I just wanted you to know that I hope we can put aside our differences so everyone can enjoy the field trip,” She stated, putting a hopeful smile onto her face. However, the gleam in her eye that had gone unnoticed by her doting minions, but was definitely noticed by Marinette and the ones who knew she was lying stated that she definitely had something planned today.

Before Marinette could reply, the bus stopped. Glancing at the front of the bus, she noticed that they were at Maison de Victor Hugo. Ms. Bustier stood up, calling for the students’ attention.

“Alright everyone, remember that this field trip is for a graded assignment, so try to pay attention and actually learn about Victor Hugo,” She said, thanking the bus driver as he opened the doors before walking out, her students beginning to follow after grabbing their backpacks.

Only Lila and Marinette stayed behind, Marinette being held back by Lila before she could actually step out of the bus. This time, Marinette did not hold back her sigh, clutching her phone in one hand and her sketchbook in the other.

“What do you want, Lila?” She asked, letting the annoyance she felt seep into her voice.

“I want to know what you think you’re doing,” Lila growled, glaring daggers at Marinette, most likely trying to intimidate her.

After getting some of her friends back, and hanging out with Luka, Marinette had decided to ignore Lila unless she accuses her of something she did not do, like steal the answer sheet for a test along with a necklace that Lila used to claim she was the wielder of the fox miraculous. When she was getting over Adrien, Marinette had accepted that her friendships with her classmates would never be the same even after Lila eventually gets exposed, and she figured that if her friends did not want to believe her, then they were no longer worth her time. She had tried to warn them about Lila, and only a few people came around before it was too late, so she was done.

“I’m trying to enjoy this field trip, you should too,” Marinette replied, quickly walking off the bus before Lila could say anything. She walked towards her friends, looking back to see Lila glare at her briefly before she stalked towards Adrien, who was talking to Nino and Alya before she latched onto him again.

Now that she had no more distractions, Marinette put her sketchbook in her purse again and focused on her phone, smiling at Luka’s text.

Luka: Good luck, Ma-Ma-Marinette.

Mari: Thanks, I’m not too worried about Lila though, even if she is planning something. Anyways, we’re at the museum now so I need to go. I’ll text you later though!

She turned her phone off and put it in her purse, noticing that Tikki had woken up, giving her a quick smile before turning her attention to her classmates who were already walking into the building. She quickly caught up to them, smiling at Juleka and Rose when they glanced at her curiously.

Marinette was really looking forward to this field trip, and nothing, especially not an akuma or Lila, would knock her down from the cloud she found herself floating on more often these days.

AN: So, what did you guys think? Should I keep the lyrics or not? This is my first song-fic and second fic in general, so constructive criticism and thoughts would be appreciated! Also, like I said, the next chapter of #notmychatnoir is in the works so don’t worry, I’m not abandoning that fic! Also, let me know if you want to be tagged for this fic as well! :D

#miraculous ladybug #season 3 au #salt fic #marinette dupain cheng #luka couffaine #lukanette #chloe bourgeois #lila rossi #sabrina raincomprix #caline bustier #juleka couffaine #rose lavillant #alya cesaire #nino lahiffe #le chien kim #max kante #adrien agreste #nathaniel kurtzberg #ivan bruel #mylene haprele #inspired by melanie martinez's k-12 album

[mareshmallow]

Second Time’s a Charm? pt II

(pt i) (pt iii) (pt iv)

"Mare?" Gisa asks softly. "I'm sorry, I never--"

"No, no, it's not that Gee, I just..." I trail off. "I don't think I want to go the dance," I say in a small voice. "I'm just so tired and I have this headache--"

"Stop," Gisa says firmly but not unkindly. "Don't you think I can tell when you're lying?" She takes my hand and leads me to my bed. We both sink down into my mattress with our combined weight and I make a mental note to save up some money for a new one.

"Tell me what's really going on, please?"

So I do.

She listened patiently, even when I tell her about sleeping with Will. I hesitated on that but she had nodded her head, indicating for me to continue. When I had finished I felt as if a crushing weight had been lifted from my chest. I'd kept this to myself for so long and telling someone was a relief.

She wraps her arms around me and I bury my face into her shoulder. I wrinkle my nose at the brush of her hair against it and pull back.

"He hates me right?" I ask her, already knowing the answer. She chews on her lip as she thinks. "Hate is such a strong word. He's hurt and confused. I mean, you have been messing around on him."

"So what should I do?"

"Tell the truth," she says like it's the simplest thing in the world. I let out a snort. "Are you joking? Ha ha, that's funny Gee."

She gives me a serious look. "No, I'm not joking. Tell him the truth, he deserves an explanation and you don't deserve to have to hold this in all the time. If he cares about you then he'll see past it. I mean, we all make mistakes and it's not like you were seriously dating," she shrugs.

I can't believe I'm actually considering this. Why am I considering this? Would he still be angry and me, or even worse? Would he actually forgive me? Or would he storms out of the caf all dramatic-like? I used to tease him about his fondness for theatrics.

I jump when Gisa taps my shoulder. "The dance starts at six and it's five o'clock now. You should make up your mind quickly cause I need to know if I'm gonna do your hair or not."

I glance at the clock, steeling myself for the possible consequences of my choice. But it had been made and there was no turning back now.

***

Instead of curling it like Gisa wanted to I made her straighten it. She thought high school dances were a big thing and that everyone looked like they came out of a Teen Vogue magazine. In actuality it was a bunch of smelly kids in a confined space with too-loud music and drugs being passed around.

If it were up to me, I wouldn't be wearing a costume at all, but Shade had always been insistent on it. He was going to the dance as well, trying to get the most out of his senior year. I would be seeing his girlfriend tonight as she was coming with us. Instead of convincing me to act as proper as possible, he told me that she used to pull shit like that too. And that she would be absolutely delighted to wreck havoc. I mean, what else did I expect from this girl my prankster of a brother to have? He went on to tell me how last Halloween when he stayed over in her dorm room, her roommate helped her pull a little trick. Her roommate was supposedly "out" while they watched a horror movie together. Diana did this knowing full well that Shade was terrified of those but too proud to admit it. When they went to sleep, her roomate had attached strings to a doll that resembled Annabelle. She played some "low chilling music," as Shade put it and some audio of a creepy child.

So that was the story of how Diana now has a recording of Shade screaming at 3 a.m after waking up to a "possessed" doll. To top it all off, there's also some footage of him running out into the hallway in his underwear. That of course resulted in some confused and angry university students. It's no surprise that I asked her to send it to me. Hello blackmail.

Shade had wanted me to be a bear again because of his oh-so-clever nickname, "Mare Bear." But I declined and instead chose a female Zeus. I thought that being able to fry anyone that bothered you and being King of the Heavens would be awesome. The fact that I had a beautiful costume didn't hurt either, though it was kinda cheap. It was a white pleated dress (courtesy of my mom) with a thick plastic "gold" belt and a circlet of leaves as a crown. I added some bracelets and necklace as well, taken from Gisa's collection.

It was an odd mismatch of clothing but I didn't mind. The sound of a door slamming has me running out into the hallway to find Shade there. His debate meeting must've ended early. The question must be apparent because he shrugs. "They needed the school to be clear to set up the decorations. Plus everyone wanted to get home early." He tosses his jacket on the bench near the coat rack knowing full well mom hates when he does that. Shade looks me up and down while stroking his chin. He frowns at the dress. "What?" I sigh. "Did you expect me to dress up as an animal again? You can't trick me again this time."

"I was hoping."

"Are you and Diana doing a couples costume?" Please say no, please say no. I wouldn't be able to take that level of cringe.

He looks at me strangely and I raise a brow. "What did I say?"

He clears his throat looking very much uncomfortable. "You know she hates it when we call her by her first name," Shade murmurs.

I make a sound of agreement. I'd forgotten that. And her last name. But Shade being two steps ahead of everyone answers, "it's Farley, and thanks for being such a good sister and remembering basic facts about my girlfriend."

I roll my eyes. "Why does she hate her first name anyway? Traumatic childhood nicknames?"

Shade doesn't laugh like I expect him to. Instead he darkens and my smile falls. "Shade?"

He shuffles his foot on the floor and I watch as he chooses what to say. "It's not my place to say why," he says carefully. "Just please don't call her that."

My mind spins with questions that I know will remain unanswered. I nod anyways. He places a hand on my arm. "Relax, no need to be so somber," he says cheerfully. Despite the tone I can sense the sadness beneath. Typical Shade, he was very much like Kilorn in the sense that they both never wished to linger on the dark moments or memories. I decide to humour him and drop it. For now of course.

"So, couples costumes. Yes or no? For the love of god, please say no."

He flicks my nose. "Too bad cause it's happening." I groan. If they were gonna be all lovey and mushy I was so out. "How the hell did you rope her into this anyway? I thought she was pretty uptight."

Shade shrugs. "You should bother to spend more time with her."

"I already have."

"You've seen her like three times."

"Yeah, whatever." Truth be told, I didn't mind seeing Dian--Farley again. She seemed cool though a little uptight. But Shade was smitten with her so making an effort wouldn't be the worst. "What's the unfortunate duo you've chosen to replicate?"

"Steve Trevor and Princess Diana from-"

"I know what movie they're from," I cut in. How could I not? Real classy of them though. It was a little funny how she would be an Amazon warrior and I would be her supposed creator. Was that weird? Probably.

"She chose it, obviously, but I'm not mad. I get to be a handsome spy so I'm glad I got an easy costume," he replies flashing a smile which I assume is the very one that got Farley interested. I bat his face, pushing him away. We both laugh and the sound draws Gisa out from our room.

"Can you guys hurry up? Have you even looked at the time for goodness sakes?" she sighs with exasperation. With her hand on her hips and the stern expression she looks so much like our mom. Without even realizing it Shade straightens up then scowls at himself for doing so. I however remain in my slouched position, the very one Gisa hated. She was all about posture.

I put my hands up in surrender. "Alright, mom. And for the record, it's not me, it's Shade who's gonna be late."

Gisa smirks at me. "Aw you really think that? There's no way mom was gonna let you take the bus there, not when it's this late. Shade's your ride so if he's late, so are you."

I look at Shade and he has to wits to scramble away before I can think to push him. "There's no time to make yourself to look pretty so hurry your ass up!"

"I was naturally born pretty so don't worry it won't take long!" he shouts in response. I blow out a long sigh disguising a chuckle. Gisa is less cautious and tries and fails to hide a smile behind her hand.

"Language, Mare," I hear my dad's gruff voice call out. My lips purse. "Sorry," I reply, though this time softer.

Shade joins us after a grand total of ten minutes. Before I can think to make a remark he speaks. "It was hard okay? These pants are tighter than they look," he grumbles. I scan his costume with a suppressed smile."Actually they look even worse," I laugh. My comment is returned with a scalding glare and I jump away from his shove and run ahead to the car.

He follows hot on my heels. "Does it look that bad?" he asks with a note of desperation in his voice. God, he was way too obsessed with his vanity. I'd never seen anything like it. I tug on the door handle. "Could you open the car? We're already late."

"Not until you tell me the truth."

"I did. The pants look weird but the rest is fine. Let's go now."

The doors open with a soft clicking sound and I swing in the front seat. Shade winces. "What?" I ask, doing my best to keep the annoyance from showing. He scratches his head awkwardly. "Um...could you sit in the back today?"

"Why.." I trail off. "Oh," I say in a small voice.

"Yeah...sorry."

I got in the backseat and was silent on the drive to what I assumed was Farley house. Or wherever she was staying.

***

So it definitely wasn't her house.

It was a hotel where I guess she was staying for the week, or as Shade told me. She was off for week from university and decided to visit. Her family lived in Churchill, Manitoba near Hudson Bay so she was pretty far from home. I wonder if she ever misses her home.

"A Canadian, eh?" I tease him. He cringes at that. "Please don't," he says at the same time Farley makes a low sound of annoyance. We both whirl around at the sound. And there she is, coming up from behind the car to the hood where Shade and I and been standing. "For your information, we are known to be very peaceful people. Except for when someone assumes the only two words in our vocabulary are 'aboot' and 'eh.' So unless you want to choke on a bottle of maple syrup in your sleep, I suggest you shut it," she says sweetly. I let out a laugh and so does she. "Good to see you again, Farley."

She shares a look with my brother and I can tell they're having their own silent conversation. "A pleasure to see you again as well, Mare," she replies after dragging her eyes away from Shade. I can't help but roll my eyes. Yeah I was so sure.

We all get in the car, Farley taking the front seat which assumed was hers when she and Shade were together. Too bad it was mine every other day.

The drive wasn't as long as I'd thought it would be. But still, I was late. I checked my phone for the time. 6:45, it read. I clenched my teeth to keep them from chattering and to refrain from cursing. I'd already texted Maven after finding a bunch of missed calls and texts that got increasingly more panicked. Because of the delay we wouldn't be able to go over everything and I wouldn't be able to check if everything would work. It would be a hit or miss now.

Thankfully we pull up in the school parking lot. Unfortunately it's full. I let out a long sigh. My fingers uncurl from my dress after I used them to keep from digging them into my palms. The scars were beginning to fade and I didn't feel like undoing all that.

Shade senses my unease. "How about I find a parking spot and meet up with you guys later?" Farley opens her mouth to interject but he insists. "Seriously, it's fine. It'll take me a few minutes."

I don't question him. Instead I offer my arm to Farley. "Not the Barrow you wanted to walk in with tonight, huh?" I grin once we start walking. Shade drives off behind us. Farley takes my arm. "A shame," she sighs.

We enter the main foyer to be greeted by Evangeline Samos and her girlfriend, Elane Haven. They were both on student council, or rather should I say the president and vice president of the school. They made sure to point that out at least three times a day. Evangeline and Elane step forward to greet us. They wear smiles that somehow turn even harder when they turn on me. "Mare!" Evangeline exclaims. "How unfortunate it is to see you again."

I laugh coldly. To a passerby it could look friendly. "The feeling is mutual, Samos. Now do us a favour and move."

As I go to sidestep her she blocks me. Her pitch black gaze settles on Farley who is no longer smiling but giving her a glare that could kill. "You must be Shade's new plaything," Evangeline says. "I'm his ex, Evangeline Samos." Next to her, Elane shifts, visibly uncomfortable.

Ah there it was. The dreadful words. It was true, Evangeline and Shade and been a thing for a hot minute before she cheated on him with Elane. I assumed there had to be more to the story that Shade refused to tell me. The relationship had been purely physical I was sure, but some nights I would find Shade looking through their photos together. I knew he loved Farley now of course, but he'd told me he was upset because he knew Evangeline wasn't what she appeared to be. Or whatever that meant. The girl standing in front of me was grade A bitch.

Farley's hands tighten into fists. Suddenly I was nervous for Evangeline. I'd seen Farley throw a few punches before and the aftermath had not been pretty. Not to mention Evangeline wasn't someone to underestimate. I tug on her arm still linked in mine. "We're going now. Have a terrible day you two," I smile with false sweetness.

We storm past after throwing our entry tickets on the table. Up ahead are kids dressed in zombie costumes snapping a picture at a booth. We walk past them as we make our way to the music room where Maven, Thomas and Kilorn were waiting for us. The music room was Maven and Thomas's second home after the computer lab. Unfortunately that had been locked so this was the next best thing. Plus it was on the second floor unlike the lab.

Farley looks around to check for anyone following us, or a teacher coming to stop us. But the coast must be clear because she doesn't panic so neither do I. The music room comes into view but the door is closed. I peer inside but there's a black cloth covering the window. I knock quietly, three quick taps. There's a moment of silence before I hear the lock click. Even then it only opens enough for a sliver. I push it open. "Relax it's just me," I announce to the seemingly empty room. I hear collective sighs of relief. Kilorn and Thomas emerge from their hiding spots.

"Where's Maven?" I ask, looking around. "Oh yeah, he's with his brother, remember?" Thomas replies sounding confused. I curse softly. I'd forgotten about that. Cal was here right now. At least I could apologize and explain. Then we could go our separate ways. "Right, so when is he gonna show up?"

"Right now actually," Thomas says looking up from his phone. "He's on his way."

"Great." At least something was going right so far.

"Shade's on his way as well," Farley says. "No need to fill me in, Mare. Destruction is a specialty of mine," she smirks. I smile back. "Don't I know it," I murmur, remembering that particular incident.

Kilorn walks up to me for a hug but I slink away. "Sorry but you're sick, and I hate sick people," I tell him. He laughs but it dissolves into a fit of coughs. Immediately I become concerned. "Seriously, why didn't you stay home?"

"A question I find myself asking as well," a voice says behind me. I spin around to find Cal and Maven in the doorway. Cal stares anywhere but me. Whatever, he could be a petty pain in the ass if he wished.

"How did you open the door?" Thomas asks, directing his question at Maven. We all ignore the tension in the room. "It was partially open already. You guys forgot to lock it," Maven explains looking between me and Farley. "A mistake," I shrug.

"Anyone could've walked in," Cal points out. I exhale harshly through my nose before facing him. "Yes, but unfortunately it was just you. Now hurry, we don't have much time. Maven, he needs to go."

Maven stops his brother from a sure foul response with a look. Then he turns to me, pleadingly. "Please let him stay. He already promised not to say anything." I scoff at that. "Sorry, but his promises don't mean much to me."

"Oh yeah sure, I'm the one to blame for this," Cal snaps. I glare at him and he levels me with his own. "You are not supposed to be here," I tell him slowly, making sure to enunciate every word. Maybe this time he can get the message.

"Oh please," he scoffs. "You should be glad someone's here to participate in this kiddy prank of yours. Seriously Mare, I didn't expect you to orchastrate something this dumb"

The room went even quieter. Oh that was it. I was simultaneously ready to beat his ass and cry in frustration. Even Cal looks surprised at himself. The hurt must be showing because he steps closer, all anger replaced by regret. "Mare," he says softly reaching for my arm. I pull away.

"Maven is everything set?" I ask him. Maven looks at me, startled. His eyes dart between his brother and I. He nods once the fog clears from his mind. "Um, where's Shade?" he asks, looking around.

"Right here," I hear Shade say also by the door. I groan. "What the hell is with everyone and these dramatic entrances? If I'd known I would've made an effort."

Shade doesn't respond but rather glares harshly at Cal who has gone pale. Uh oh, he was in protective brother mode. "Where were you?" Kilorn asks with a smile that doesn't meet his eyes. "You left me in the middle of a soap opera and it's not even that good"

Farley is the one to get him to calm down. "Let's take a walk," she says, tugging on his arm. As they shuffle away I see Farley turn her head and mouth, 'be right back.' I think I might've spoken too early when I said everything was going fine.

"Okayyy," Thomas drags out. "Can we get started now? Maven and I want to get to the haunted house before it closes."

"That's a terribly romantic date," Kilorn says. "Nothing says 'I love you' like being trapped in a space with possible demonic spirits."

Maven rolls his eyes. "Don't tell me you actually believe in that stuff, Warren."

"Of course I don't," Kilorn scoffs. He was a terrible liar and Maven knew it judging by his amused expression.

I clap my hands together, shattering the moment.

"Okay, Maven, Thomas, you guys know what to do. After you get back, text me." They nod and Maven salutes. "Yes ma'am." Before he leaves he plants a kiss on my cheek. "For good luck," he explains. I give him one back. "Come on lovebirds any day now," Thomas calls out. He was used to this. We all knew it was purely platonic. Well everyone except Mr. Tiberias Calore the Seventh who looks away. He could think whatever he wanted. I didn't care.

"See you guys soon!" Maven shouts as they walk away.

Cal goes to follow them but I hold out a hand to stop him. I accidentally brush his chest and snatch it back as if burned. He pretends to ignore it. "Where do you think you're going?" I ask him, eyebrows raised. He has the sense to keep his mouth shut. "You agreed to my plan which means you follow my orders. If you don't like it then you can leave."

"Then it's a shame I'm not going anywhere," he replies evenly. The words ring with a double meaning.

"Shade and Farley are already together so you can go with-"

Kilorn doesn’t even look up from picking at his nails. "You better not say my name."

I inhale deeply. "Fine," I snap. "You're with me. Kilorn, it's time." He hops off the table and winks at me as he passes. Oh god he set me up. And I could already guess which little redhead he had his orders from.

Without warning I follow him and Cal scrambles to follow. He blessedly keeps quiet as we make our way to the caf. Or more specifically the door leading to the stage, except we only needed to get under it. We were responsible for providing an exit from the caf if we needed to avoid anyone in the room and get out quickly.

(Part Three)

#second time's a charm pt ii #chelsea writes shit #chelsea's fic pt ii #fic2stac

[kingofattolia]

a list of things about Star Wars: The Last Jedi

TLJ felt like watching two completely separate movies. .. .  one i deliriously LOVED and one i spit upon and shake its profane dust off my sandals

THE GOOD

“ive got an urgent message for General Hux” “YOUR REBELLION IS DOOMED” “yeah... im holding for General Hux”

it straight up took me a minute and a half of this scene to figure out this was actually the start of the movie. it felt like one of those pre-movie skits where it seems like a movie but then anthropomorphic M&Ms tell you to turn your cell phone off. was it just me or were there a LOT more comic moments in TLJ compared to almost every other star wars movie? anyway i loved it even tho it gave the movie a slight someone-made-this-while-high-on-LSD feel 

Leia USING THE FORCE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

R2 playing Luke the “you’re my only hope” recording of Leia, i almost died

FORCE SHENANIGANS. we saw more powerful, dramatic, and varied uses of the Force in TLJ than we have ever before seen in a live action media and i was L I V I N G

“you’ve closed yourself off from the Force”

Rey and Kylo’s foRCE BOND TALKING like this.. . . is so interesting .. .  and it wasn’t only Snoke doing it because they did it again after he’s dead...

Rey lifting 30 giant fricken boulders without even breaking a sweat after having one (1) single “training” session

Kylo remotely activating Anakins lightsaber

projecting himself........ across the entire galaxy. . ..

Yoda. in the former EU the Force ghosts had a non-negotiable expiration date a certain time after their deaths. Obi-Wan couldnt just come back and visit Luke forever, he faded away at some point. is this no longer true??? DOES THIS MEAN ANYONE CAN COME BACK IF THEY WANT??? why was yoda so physical even as a ghost that he could whack luke on the head

summoning lightning like alright this is a new Jedi power im adding to my arsenal

Leia’s mary poppins action

Luke vaulting across the cliff to stab fish

POE'S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT he turned from a kamikaze into a leader who's able to see the big picture and walk away, im so proud

everyone..... messing with Hux...... i loved this

Snoke smacking him into the floor

Kylo smacking him into the wall

Kylo force choking him

slowly taking gun out. . . . . HES AWAKE ABORT ABORT... slowly putting gun back . . . Hux is going spend every waking moment wishing he took that shot

Finn's character arc, like what an awesome Slytherin. the contrast between him and the codebreaker 👌👌👌👌 & where he makes the choice REBEL scum 👌👌👌

LET'S GO, CHROME DOME

i cant believe Phasma died again lol. her backstory novel was SO DRAMATIC and she just dies over and over

when Kylo does that little skid out into the hallway to look for Rey

Chewy breaking down Luke's door

when Luke kisses Leia on the forehead . . . .

kylo KILLING SNOKE I AM LITERALLY SO HAPPY. I AM SO HAPPY. IM SO

this had to happen, it was so obvious but i didnt think they would actually do it, Snoke was so boring and useless, i am SO GLAD they didnt drag him out..... I AM SO HAPPY HES DEAD

it was truly awesome... i couldnt stop grinning it seeing it the 2nd time... "I CANNOT BE BETRAYED, I CANNOT BE BEATEN, I CAN SEE HIS MIND" & then he narrates the entire process of Kylo killing him i was LIVING. everyone theorized for so loooooong and so hard about what form Snoke's control over Kylo took and how it would be possible for him to break it,, , , and then he just DOES IT JUST LIKE THAT by SHEER MISDIRECTION FOLKS I AM SO ALIVE

THE TEAM UP FIGHT

i love lightsaber fights so much i would very nearly give up my critical integrity for a single awesome duel and this was,,, so awesome

when Rey drops her lightsaber to catch it again and cut that guys knees out from under him

when Snoke is cut in half and then the lightsaber rockets towards Kylo and Rey's hand SHOOTS INTO THE FRAME to catch it 👌👌👌

when Kylo takes on FOUR OF THEM AT ONCE

"THE SUPREME LEADER IS DEAD" "long live. . . the supreme leader .. "

not gonna lie, i am such a huge fan of supreme leader!Kylo. CAN HE EVEN LEAD ANYONE??? DOES HE HAVE THE CAPABILITY?? HONESTLY WHAT DOES HE WANT TO DO? WHAT WILL HIS SELF-DIRECTED MISSION BE? VADER NEVER GOT TO BE ANYTHING BUT AN ATTACK DOG, WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING TO HAPPEN

I HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA BUT IM SO HYPE TO FIND OUT

THIS IS BRAND NEW

"finn! rose! you're not dead! where's my droid"

the little slave kids from Canto Bight. did the kid at the end use the Force to pull his broom!??!

"that library did not contain anything the girl Rey does not already possess" Yoda thinks hes so funny. REY STOLE THE LIBRARY LMAO... thanks Rey... im glad someone around here has a brain...

the Falcon swooping in to draw off the TIEs on Crait

"OH, THEY HATE THAT SHIP"

Vice Admiral Holdo's lightspeed kamikaze. . . aside from the drama of the moment & making Hux look stupid, just visually it was awesome

absolutely every single thing said by either Hux or Kylo in Kylo's command shuttle above Crait

"i want every gun we have to fire on that man"

"blow that PIECE OF JUNK oUT OF THE SKY"

when kylo's like "concentrate all fire on the speeders" and then Hux immediately shrieks "CONCENTRATE ALL FIRE ON THE SPEEDERS" and Kylo looks at him like 🤔

"do you think you got him?"

when Luke faces Kylo

WHEN LUKE FACES KYLO

this scene makes the movie for me honestly. as of now im in a state of uneasy ceasefire with TLJ and the sequel trilogy as a whole. if the scene of Luke facing Kylo did not exist, TLJ would probably be dead to me

"did you come to SAVE MY SOUL" "no."

absolutely everything about Luke was so completely epic in this scene. even though he barely said anything, even the way he stood was epic. im not sure how Hamill did this but it was everything i ever wanted

"i failed you, Ben. I'm sorry." "i'm sURE YOU ARE"

the contrast between Kylo's fighting stance and Luke's

when Luke steps out from the massive cloud and duSTS OFF HIS SHOULDER

this fills me with so much pure glee i could literally ascend

"if you strike me down in anger, i'll always be with you. like your father."

the slow, dawning horror when Kylo starts realizing Luke's not actually there

"see you around, kid"

"SEE YOU AROUND, KID"

"SEE YOU AROUND, KID"

my favorite line in the WHOLE THING i could Scream

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHH

"SEE YOU AROUND, KID"

when Rey slams the door in Kylo's face

THE BAD

Luke should have LIFTED HIS X WING OUT OF THE WATER WITH THE FORCE AT SOME POINT GOSH DARN. i knew from the moment we saw the submerged x wing that this moment was meant to happen.... but then it DIDN’T. like PLEASE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD I NEED TO SEE THIS

the casino subplot. . .  it was awesome for Finns character development but couldn’t he have developed character over an actually materially relevant story arc.. . .

BB-8 didn’t fight Dark BB-8 like what the hell honestly

for what earthly reason does Kylo need to wear his pants up to his armpits. is he TRYING to look like a doofus

why wasn't Lando the master codebreaker. like quite frankly, give me one good reason. why. no. there are no good reasons. when is Lando going to come into it you cowards

honestly....... what the FRICK was that horrible backstory behind what caused Kylo to turn

WHAT THE FRICK

im trying to keep my cool but this is a huge, enormous, and vital problem i have with this movie and whoever came up with that should be shot

Luke, in a brief moment of insanity, ignited his lightsaber over his sleeping nephew's bed to assassinate him because of a vision

LUKE SKYWALKER the guy who wouldnt believe that DARTH VADER, ENSLAVER OF WORLDS, SLAUGHTERER OF CHILDREN, MASS MURDERER OF THOUSANDS, was a lost cause and who refused to kill him, TRIED TO KILL HIS APPRENTICE IN HIS SLEEP

like... do you see my problem?

character assassination. it is ludicrously greater-than-Anakin Skywalker levels of overreaction to a Force premonition that Luke would see a vision of darkness and instantly move to slice his sleeping, defenseless nephew in half, and even in Luke's version of the story Luke is legitimatly the bad guy. he brought about the future he was afraid of, just like Anakin

because of this background, every interpretation is blown wide open to reasonably see Kylo as the victim and Luke's actions as those of a villain. of course he had to defend himself? it's legitimately possible to construe the subsequent killing of the other students as self-defense as well. if they wake up to find Ben having "killed" Luke? anything could have happened, Kylo could honestly have done barely anything bad up to this point and have been driven to the dark side on that one night

it's going to take.... so much work.... to walk this back. obviously Kylo's a villain now, because of what he's chosen to do since then, but for Luke to come out of this not looking like trash, they would have to provide SO MUCH more backstory including the "dark" things Kylo had done to make Luke suspect him, and have him probably be actively seeking darkness while under Luke's tutelage. and then Luke still seems like a fool and a betrayor

maybe they WANT Luke to come off as a legitimately bad person? i've seen some interpretations of TLJ as tearing down "legends" by showing everyone as flawed people, teaching the lesson of not deifying people to Rey AND the audience as well. if thats true and they actually want me to believe Luke is not worth believing in, i'm sorry but i reject that

luke skywalker is not a bad person

rey said "you didnt fail Kylo, Kylo failed you" WHICH... its true that Kylo failed in all his actions after this. but if this is the unmitigated truth about what happened that day, Luke definitely failed Kylo, thats not really arguable

i spit this backstory out of my mouth and stomp on it

bye felicia

"the legacy of the jedi is failure and hypocrisy. at the height of their power they allowed darth sidious to come to power and wipe them out" ok true. "it was a jedi master who was responsible for the training and creation of darth vader" YOU TAKE THAT BACK

a related point..... Luke is a coward.

i'm not saying that the only kind of Luke i would accept is HEROIC LEGEND LUKE WHO BURSTS FORTH FROM HIS ISOLATION AND SINGLE HANDEDLY DEVASTATES THE FIRST ORDER. but at the same time, his isolation is NOT in any way comparable to Obi-Wan's. "i came here to die" ok buddy.

dying is all well and good, hiding from your failures, being broken for a while after taking a hit like that

what i am NOT able to forgive is how he abandoned Leia

???? the frick???

"so many losses, i can't take any more" "sure you can" STORY OF LEIA'S LIFE

"im from the resistance, your sister Leia sent me" boy when she says jump you better say "how high?" honestly YOU OWE IT AT LEAST TO YOUR GUILT TO DO THAT FOR HER

HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE? SHE'S ON HER OWN DEALING WITH EVERY PROBLEM IN THE WHOLE GALAXY AND HE'S DOING WHAT? YOU'RE TELLING ME LUKE WOULD HAVE ABANDONED HIS SISTER LIKE THAT??? AND WHEN SHE SPECIFICALLY ASKS FOR HIM HE SAYS "no frick u" ?!?!?

if that's Luke Skywalker then Luke Skywalker is a useless coward

that is not Luke Skywalker

honestly everything Rey said was spot on "Leia sent me here with hope. if she's wrong then she deserves to know why. we all do"

the overall thesis of the sequel trilogy seems to be "there's no point to any of this"

a powerful student turns to the dark side and destroys the Jedi Order. an authoritarian regime destroys the republic and takes over. a small band of resistance fighters rallies against great odds. a Force sensitive from a desert planet teaches herself the Force from old Jedi books after her teacher evaporates into the Force after teaching like 1 lesson. everyone Leia loves dies

guys... i'm tired

it's just exhausting. what is the point? in the sequel trilogy we've seen the republic destroyed, the resistance decimated and harried from place to place until theyre down to 12 people on the millennium falcom. there's only one movie left. they're going to come back from nothing and destroy the first order and then smile at each other in the ashes?

why?>??? what are they going to do? build a republic again? is rey going to build a new jedi order? we've seen how that worked out

there's nothing to believe in here. HOPE is such a strong theme in the sequel trilogy. "as long as there's light we've got a chance" "leia sent me here with hope" "the galaxy has lost its hope, the spark is out." "hope is like the sun, if you only believe in it when you can see it you'll never make it through the night." like good grief. constantly hammering on the need to have hope, but WHY?

what's the point of defeating the imperials, spending your life trying to build something good in the galaxy, trying to build a family, when you're only going to have to do it all again in your old age, when everyone you love is dead?

i cant see any hope if this is the ending for the OT characters, so i powerfully struggle to care about and cheer for Rey, Poe, and Finn. what's the point in anything they're doing? what's the point in the sacrifices they're making? it might turn out just exactly like it did for Luke, Leia, and Han, spending their old age in loneliness, sorrow, and violence

if this is the way history repeats itself, you probably should just make out like the stuttering codebreaker. "dont join"

#grace for ts #the last jedi #lists of things with grace #star wars #here they are the extremely belated bullet points #this is long as heck #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #TLJ #tlj spoilers #the last jedi spoilers #i both enjoyed it immensely and left with a bad taste in my mouth hhhhhh

[bxxpbxxprichie]

Amorphous (Bichie) (1/?)

Summary : Modern AU. YouTuber!Richie. YouTuber!Bill. Richie Tozier fucked up big time. After a drunken night of having fun, his name is being slandered this way and that. However, and angel appears to sweep the Trashmouth off his feet. Bill Denbrough loves making speed arts of his favorite people on YouTube, and just so happens to be a huge fan of one Richie Tozier.

Pairings : Eventual Bichie

Warnings : NSFW themes, lots of cussing, Eddie freaking the fuck out, and a stutterless Bill

AN : This fic is meant for those over the age of 18. If you are under the age, please turn back now. I will not be keeping a tag list for this one, because I’m not going to tag anyone underaged. This will be full of smut, so be fair warned. Keep in mind that all of the characters are 21+ at this time. The characters in no way have any relation to the child actors that have portrayed them. IT does not belong to me, however if it had I would’ve changed a lot of things in the book.

Chapter 1 

Word Count : 1169

Richie grinned against the skin of his girlfriend's neck, hand trailing lower and lower down her clothed body. The air smelled heavily of booze, weed, and sweat. Loud bumps of vibrations shook the wall that Olivia was pressed against, and Richie wouldn't be able to hear her drunken moans if she wasn't doing it straight in his ear.

A part of his fuzzy mind told him that they shouldn't be doing this in the middle of a party, where everyone was walking around and could see them, but the other part told him to fuck all, and just do it.

His tongue pressed against a hot love bite on the girl's skin, hands trailing down to unbutton her shorts, before one slid down and between her legs. His lips met hers again, and he couldn't tell at this point if it was her hair tickling his face, or his own. The kiss was sloppy and tasted like vodka, tongues dancing together to a familiar song as his fingers sunk deep inside of her. Richie’s favorite part about sex was how noisy it was, and it was severely lacking with how loud everything else was.

But that didn’t stop him.

His thumb brushed over her clit with each thrust of his fingers, her moans being muffled heavily by his mouth. He pressed his body harder against her, and bent down to work at her neck again. She was fairly shorter than him, but he made it work always.

With his lips on her neck and his hand down her shorts, he hadn’t even noticed the flash of a camera.

Bill licked his lips as he set up his camera. It felt a little awkward, as he definitely wasn’t used to filming himself, but rather his hands. But he got it all setup and took a seat in a chair, the camera recording.

“He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.” The first time through with no stuttering was awesome. For the most part, Bill did pretty good about not stuttering anymore. On occasion there were one or two words, but it was especially bad when he got angry.

“Hey, everyone. I know you weren’t expecting to see my face, but rather a speed art of Johnny Depp, but today I decided to do something a little different. The thing is, one of my fellow YouTubers, Richie Tozier, has been dubbed a sexual deviant. There’s...well, there’s a lot of things being said about him right now.” He paused for a moment, clearing his throat, “The point is, even though I’ve never met Richie myself, I know through his content that he’s a good guy. It’s very obvious the girl in the picture with him is his girlfriend, and it’s not like it’s illegal for him to be drinking at his age. If anything, I think the photographer should be punished for taking such a picture. They were both at a party, and at parties people get intoxicated, I’m not blaming him for it.”

Bill licked his lips, and leaned back in his chair, “T-the things that I know people are going to say in response to this is that he shouldn’t be doing things like this because it can influence the kids that are watching him. My answer will be that just because they see one person, of age, drunk doesn’t mean they’re going to start drinking underaged because it’s cool. If anything I think everyone can take this as a learning experience. Don’t get drunk around people you don’t explicitly trust.” Bill worried his lip for a moment, thinking.

“So, yeah, I think that’s what I wanted to say. And anyways, uh, today I’m going to do something special just for Richie. In this video there will be two speed arts of Richie, one for his music channel, and one for his vlog channel, and tomorrow you guys will get Johnny Depp. I’ll also be selling my two Tozier prints, and it’s first come first serve as always. So, see you all then.” Bill stood and turned off his camera. It was as good as it was going to get, really.

He sucked in a deep breath and moved to his computer to edit the videos together. He’d done his Richie drawings already, and at this point just needed the little intro. He wanted to show his support for the man. Richie Tozier was really fucking cute, regardless of his trashmouth and his girlfriend.

“Richie, are you fucking kidding me? Open the damn door!”

Richie rolled over in his bed with a loud groan, untangling himself from the white sheets of his bed. Bare feet padded through a kitchen and a living room before he turned the knob and opened the door.

“Do you know what people are saying about you?” His best friend, Eddie, asked.

“That I’m hot? Sexy? Too cute to handle?” He gave his boy a grin before turning away and heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth. His mouth tasted like shit.

“No, that you’re a fucking sex deviant!” Eddie followed after him, just as Richie knew he would.

“What the fuck are you talking about, Eds?” Richie rolled his eyes at the other’s dramaticism, and stepped over to the toilet to relieve himself.

Eddie turned to give Richie some privacy, “There’s a picture of you fingering Olivia all over the fucking internet, you fuck!” He hissed, his arms tight over his chest.

Those words had shocked him, and Richie was quick to look at Eddie, “What?” He asked.

“Yeah! Someone fucking saw you finger fucking her, which is gross might I add, and took a picture of it! Bev and I have been doing as much crowd control as we can, but it’s not fucking easy.” Eddie turned back to him, as Richie stepped over to the sink to brush his teeth and mull it all over.

“Buh Ih jus dohn gih ih.” Richie blubbered through the tooth brush.

“You know I can’t understand you when you put shit in your mouth.” Eddie huffed.

Richie spat in the sink, “I just don’t get it. Who would do that to me?” He turned back to continue brushing.

“I don’t know, dude. But it fucking sucks. I mean, a lot of your followers are backing you up, along with some other YouTuber’s, but it’s mostly parents that are pissed right now. Bev’s been getting calls from your sponsors too, some of them are pulling, and others are saying they’re right behind you with it all. Apparently some of them saw some video that changed their mind about the whole thing.”

Richie spit out his mouth wash, before turning to Eddie. “Well, let's see this video, then.”

Still only clad in boxers, Richie leaned away from the laptop on his coffee table, and looked at Eddie. “He’s hot, and nice.” Richie grinned, which only earned him a punch from Eddie.

“Keep that shit to yourself. We don’t want a second scandal to come from this. Just get ready so we can film an apology video, and maybe you can mention this Billiam character. The more people that see his video, the more people are going to be on your side.” Eddie scowled.

Richie stood, and nodded, “Have you heard from Olivia today?” He asked as he moved to his bedroom.

“Yeah, she’s pretty livid, but not at you. She’s working on her own apologies at the moment.” Eddie followed Richie once more.

“This pretty much sucks. I hope it doesn’t ruin everything.” Richie knew he should have listened to that small part of his mind that had told him that they shouldn’t be messing around like that.

“If it does, it’s your own damn fault. Now quit whining and put on your fucking pants.”

His video about Richie Tozier had been getting a ton of good feedback. Honestly, it was more feedback than Bill was used too, but he had gained a ton of subscribers over the past few hours and it was...strange. Not to say that Bill didn’t appreciate it, but he just hadn’t been expecting it.

He got a notification on his phone that Richie had just uploaded, and dropped his pencil. It was an apology video. Bill was glad the other was owning up.

“What’s up guys? It’s ya boy-...I can’t do my normal intro for this video, I’m sorry. So, anyways, I’m sure most of you know by now that I fucked up. I fucked up really bad. Sure, I’m twenty one, so it’s okay for me to drink, but I shouldn’t be messing around with my girlfriend in public like that, regardless of where I am or how intoxicated I am. I am absolutely so sorry for everyone who has seen the picture, or just witnessed it at the party. I mean, I literally can not apologize enough. I fucked up, I’m taking the blame for it, and I would like to move on from it if that’s okay with everyone. For now I’m going to take a little break from my video’s, just so my team can take a little bit of a break, but in about a week we’ll be back to our normal uploading schedule. Thanks so much to everyone who’s had my back during this whole thing. I also just wanted to give a huge shoutout to the YouTube account, BilliamDraws. He made some awesome speed arts of me, and has been making an impact on a lot of other people, so please go check him out. Take care everyone.”

Bill’s screen black, and the next video started loading, but he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t fucking move a muscle because the man he’d been crushing on for years saw his video and fucking shouted him out. A new notification popped up on his phone, and none other than Richie Tozier followed him on Twitter.

Things were about to get interesting.

#bichie #bill denbrough #richie tozier #eddie kasprak #bichie fanfiction #it #it 2017 #it fanfiction #modern au #youtube au #lit

[sosaidthedragon]

Genin

Fandom: Naruto

Rating: E

Pairing: None

Summary: A look at Mitsume's first meeting with her genin squad.

Nouga had always dreamed of becoming a kunoichi. Ever since she first saw her father training his own genin squad, she had known that being a ninja was the only thing she would ever want to do with her life. She studied night and day from every last bit of material she could get her hands on - reference scrolls, advanced texts from the Academy, her father's advice - anything and everything she soaked up like a sponge in the hopes of being the best. Being Hokage seemed a bit boring, in her opinion, as the job seemed to be little more than sitting around filling out paperwork, but becoming a renowned ninja feared and respected the world over, like Namikaze-Hokage had been, that was exciting. She wanted to be the top of the list, the one the Hokage would turn to above anyone else, the go to for tasks no one else could complete.

Her hard work seemed to have paid off, too. She was near the top of her grade, edged out only by the notorious Uchiha Sasuke, but she wasn't particularly upset by that. The Uchiha were notoriously gifted when it came to the ways of shinobi, and the fact that she could consistently remain only one or two points behind one of them left her feeling confident. She may not be able to compete with Sasuke then and there, but she was close - closer than anyone else by a long shot. Not even Haruno Sakura, with her impeccable chakra control, could get close to Sasuke's level of skill, and the fact Nouga could put her leagues above everyone else. She was confident if she practiced hard enough, and studied long enough, she could claw her way up to Sasuke's level, and even surpass him.

Her teammates she wasn't too sure about.

Saburo wasn't anything special. Neither of his parents or grandparents had been shinobi, which meant the fact he made it into the Academy at all was a bit of a surprise, since he would have had no training before applying to enter, and the entrance exams would have been that much tougher. He applied himself to his studies enough to maintain a perfectly average grade, poised just so to squeak by without drawing attention from Iruka-sensei, good or bad. She'd never talked to him before, but from what she had observed in class, he was perfectly content to be exactly average, though she suspected he would be able to give some of the better students, like Aburame or Haruno, a run for their money if he could work up the motivation.

Ohaku was a bit of a different story. He wasn't exactly a failure, but he barely stood above complete slackers like Uzumaki Naruto and Nara Shikamaru in his grades. Unlike them, however, he obviously struggled - his chakra control was far from what would be expected from graduates, he couldn't seem to remember material for tests, and he seemed to be constantly working himself to the limit just to understand the basics. She might have expected that from someone like Saburo, who had no training to speak of before the Academy, but she knew Ohaku came from a long line of respected shinobi, who had no doubt been training him since he could walk. He obviously wanted to do well, but it seemed obvious, at least to Nouga, that being a shinobi just wasn't the path for him. He had no natural aptitude whatsoever, and while that didn't preclude someone from becoming a shinobi, it drastically cut their chances, and she was a bit surprised he made it to graduation. It wouldn't shock her at all if he was one of the unlucky ones who remained an eternal genin, like Might Dai - and unfortunately for him, he didn't have anything that set him apart like the taijutsu expert.

She wasn't as upset as Naruto had been about the team assignments. She wasn't happy, but she wasn't upset. Their squad leader should be able to whip them into shape enough that they could get into the Chunin Exams, and once they hit the one-to-one fights in the later rounds, she was confident she'd be able to pass and leave them behind.

If their jonin ever showed up, that was.

Almost everyone else in the class had split off and disappeared with their squad leaders nearly an hour ago, with the exception of Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto, who's sensei also seemed to be running late. Nouga hoped it was because they'd been given some sort of last minute task by the Hokage, or at the very least were running late because they had gotten involved in a practice match or were exhausted from a tough mission and over slept, but as the clock ticked ever onward, she began to get the feeling that wasn't the case. Saburo had long ago fallen asleep in his chair, head tipped back and feet kicked up while he snored loudly, and Ohaku had taken the opportunity to study, though he was obviously becoming agitated with sitting still, twitching his foot in a rapid, irritating tempo against the floor. She had taken out a book written by a monk from the Land of Earth, which had been particularly difficult to get her hands on, about a difficult sort of meditation he had perfected, while Sakura stuttered her way through a one sided conversation with Sasuke and Naruto slowly went insane.

Then, just after Naruto placed a dirty eraser in the doorway, nearly two hours after their teachers were supposed to arrive, they finally made an appearance, with the sort of timing usually only seen in movies. The chalk-dust filled eraser made a direct hit on the uneven gray hair of the famed Hatake Kakashi, who either legitimately hadn't noticed it there or, more likely, had and just didn't care to put forward the effort to avoid it. From behind him in the hall, someone snorted out a laugh, meaning, to everyone's relief, both jonin had finally arrived. She was a bit disappointed Kakashi was the instructor for Sasuke's squad, but her own instructor was no one to shake a stick at, either.

Kedamonoshu Mitsume had made a name for herself over the years - according to her entry in Nouga's bingo book, she had become the Rampaging Beast of the Leaf after demonstrating an awesome combination of taijutsu and her clan hiden that allowed her to not only decimate large groups in the span of a few moments, but hunt down those who tried to escape across any sort of terrain. With the peace that had fallen over the village after the war, however, there hadn't been many opportunities to display her combat prowess, and she was known largely for her tracking abilities rather than her sheer brutality in combat. Compared to Kakashi, having her as a sensei was a bit of a let down, but she was no slouch, and most sensible people would be rightfully terrified to go toe to toe with her or have her on their trail.

"Arara, Shicchi, looks like you got the fun group."

At the sound of her drawl, laced with laughter, Kakashi twitched slightly, and it was obvious by the tone of his response he was seriously considering taking a swing at her, probably for using such a cutesy nickname in front of his students. It wouldn't surprise Nouga in the least if Kedamonoshu-sensei was only late because she'd spent the day annoying him.

"Care to trade, Michan?"

She just snorted, still smiling to herself, and finally turned to face her students. Nouga decided, after looking her over, that she had absolutely nothing noteworthy about her appearance. She was reasonably attractive, but her general disheveled appearance kept her from being stunning or beautiful - her pretty face and curves were offset by her incredibly choppy hair and severely worn out clothes. The only remotely distinctive feature she had was the intricate black tattoo that ran down her right arm, but as far as Nouga could tell, it was a clan marking of some sort, as other members of the Kedamonoshu clan she had seen in the village had tattoos that were very similar, if not the same. Her strength was readily apparent - although not burly or masculine, she looked solid, especially standing next to someone like Kakashi, who was far more lean, with the muscles in her arms distinct in spite of her hands simply being shoved into her pants pockets.

"Nah." She replied simply. "That blonde is way too much of a headache."

Ignoring Naruto's squawks of disapproval, she gave all three of her students a once over, still smiling slightly to herself.

"Alright you three, let's get a move on. I've got a date at six, and if you make me late, I'll break your legs."

Although it was said with the same, lazy tone she'd been mocking Kakashi with, and the same lazy smile she'd had since she arrived, Nouga felt a chill travel down her spine. It felt like the air had shifted, suddenly going cold - Nouga jumped up immediately, before she even realized she was moving, filled with an overwhelming sense of anxiety. Saburo, who had opened one eye when the duo entered, smoothly got up from his spot, and out of the corner of her eye, Nouga saw Ohaku snap his pencil before scrambling to shove everything into his bag.

Nouga knew logically her new sensei wouldn't cripple them, but she got the distinct feeling it was best not to test that theory.

The four of them didn't go far. Just a short walk from the academy, Kedamonoshu-sensei decided a stone wall was the perfect place to sit down, and settled on it with her legs stretched out in front of her, crossed at the ankles. No one dared sit next to her - instead, Saburo flopped down and leaned against a sign post on the opposite side of the path, while Nouga settled into a proper kneeling position just off to one side and Ohaku scrambled to sit cross-legged off to the other. Again, Kedamonoshu-sensei appraised them briefly, before nodding to herself.

"Since we're going to be a team, we should probably get to know one another, so let's all tell each other a little bit about ourselves."

"What do you want to know?" Ohaku asked, his face screwed up the same way it was whenever he took a test.

"Whatever seems important, I guess. If you have any specialties or things you want to focus on, what your hobbies are, things like that." She shrugged casually.

There was a beat of silence, after which, she sighed through her nose in a way that clearly said she thought dealing with them was the most tedious thing in the world. Nouga had a dozen things to say on the tip of her tongue, but found that she had forgotten how to speak, remaining silent as she began to panic for fear she'd upset her sensei. Saburo, for his part, just grunted, and Ohaku looked like his head might explode as her wracked his brain for a response.

"Arara, I'll go first, then. My name is Kedamonoshu Mitsume, and my specialty is tracking. I like red bean ice cream, and I don't like miso unless it's in broth. My hobbies are fishing and listening to radio dramas."

As she finished, Saburo decided it was easier to just answer her and get it over with, instead of try and ignore her. Shifting so he sat up a little higher, although he still looked half asleep, he cleared his throat and began to speak.

"I'm Hanakawa Saburo. I don't have a specialty that I'm interested in. I like dango and I don't like spicy food. My hobby is cooking."

Finding her nerve, Naguo finally managed to reply.

"My name is Yamata Nouga. I have a lot of areas of interest, but I especially like genjutsu. I like curry but I dislike barbecue pork. My hobbies are reading and meditation."

Then, after a few more beats of silence, Ohaku spoke up.

"I'm, uh, I'm Kokusekigaki Ohaku. Um, I guess my favorite specialty is, mm, ninjutsu. M-my favorite food is okonomiyaki, and, ah, and I don't have a food that, uh, I hate. Ummm, I guess my h-hobby is st-studying, but I, ah, I also like gardening."

To the relief of Ohaku's obviously frazzled nerves, Kedamonoshu-sensei smiled peacefully when he finished, obviously not upset he had floundered his way through the introduction.

"Now that we've all gotten to know one another, we can talk about training. Tomorrow, I'm going to test your skill so I know where to start, so meet me at the river down the road at seven am sharp. Be sure to come prepared like you were leaving for a mission."

Without waiting for a response, she pushed off the wall, immediately walking away from the academy and the trio sitting on the path. Nouga started to stand to follow, before she realized Kedamonoshu-sensei was waving back at them over her shoulder in an obvious show of dismissal.

"Good talk. See you tomorrow."

Unsurprisingly, Kedamonoshu-sensei was late. Not by nearly the two hours she had been the day before, but late nonetheless - probably, Nouga guessed, because there were snails that moved faster than she walked. That worked in Saburo's benefit, since he had shown up five minutes late himself, trying to eat a bento laden with way too much food and walk at the same time. As with the day prior, their sensei had a small smile on her face, hands crammed into her pockets, although notably, her chunin vest seemed to have shrunk a couple sizes, fitting her far better at the cost of gaining a few off-shade patches. Nouga wondered what happened to the other one, and why her sensei owned one three sizes too large to begin with, but there wasn't really time for questions about her wardrobe.

"Good, you're all here." She smiled brightly, producing a kitchen timer from her pocket, winding it as she talked. "The four of us are going to play a sort of game, like hide and seek meets tag. All you three need to do is avoid being tagged for one hour. If one of you does get tagged, then all three of you become it. If you're still it when the hour is up, then we'll do it again, and again, until you win."

It seemed simple enough, if a bit juvenile, though Nouga could see the purpose behind it. The supposed game would let Kedamonoshu-sensei see them in both defensive and offensive roles, and give her a solid idea of where to start with their training. Saburo either caught on to the purpose right away, or more likely didn't care, while Ohaku opened his mouth, obviously confused.

"Okay? Okay. Begin."

Without warning, the ground below their feet split apart as if rocked by hidden explosives. Nouga leaped backwards, away from the flying chunks of dirt and grass, desperately trying to get a look at what had blown apart the very earth, only for Kedamonoshu-sensei to appear not more than a few inches from her face, arm pulled back in what would certainly be a bone-shattering punch. Her smile remained in place, but instead of seeming peaceful and calm, it felt like the maniacal grin of a murderer about to take their next victim.

Nouga would swear, for the rest of her days, that her life flashed before her eyes in that moment, as she squeezed them shut in terror.

Kedamonoshu-sensei's fist never connected - instead, she had stopped short, to gently poke Nouga in the forehead with the tip of one finger, though the air around them seemed as slow to understand as Nouga herself. It whipped wildly around from the force, feeling like knives on her skin, roaring so loudly in her ears she thought they might pop.

"You're it."

Then she was gone. A massive crater remained where the three of them once stood, and the timer still sat on the rock where she had placed it, but all other signs Kedamonoshu-sensei even existed had vanished. There wasn't a footprint, a rustle of leaves or disturbed blade of grass to tell them where she had gone. Ohaku claimed she had gone left, while Saburo immediately snapped that no, she had gone right.

It was going to be a very long day, Nouga thought, rubbing her forehead as the two began to squabble. A very, very long day.

#naruto #your friendly neighborhood dragon #naruto one shot collection #beasts of the leaf collection #sensei collection #leaf village collection

[kenzieam]

The Right Wrong Choice - Chapter 8 (Eric X Fox)

Rating: M (swearing, violence, smut - everything you’ve come to expect from me :* )

Genre: General/Humor/Drama/Eventual Angst

Thanks everyone for the re-blogs and support!!! IT IS SO AWESOME!!!

@emmysrandomthoughts@beautifulramblingbrains @iammarylastar @tigpooh67 @bookwarm85 @mom2reesie @elaacreditava @badassbaker @captstefanbrandt  @treeleaf @pathybo @beltz2016 @lilu46  @girlwith100names @gaia25 @readsalot73  @slayer0507 @stone-met @lostinthebeans @lauraaan182 @letmagichappen @girlslovestorys @tonyt1995 @lacy-love @littlesouthernrebel @fuckthatfeeling  @sparklemichele @vitaevandal @shaunarcanine @jojogoo65 @micolegg @frecklefaceb @jaihardy @equalstrashflavoredtrash @bookgirlthings @queenara4 @sterek-foreverandever

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I wake later, in bed with Eric. We lay facing each other and Eric is still awake, watching me with a small peaceful smile on his face, his knuckle gently trailing along my jaw line. Seeing I’m awake, he pulls me closer, resting his forehead against me.

“You can’t leave Dauntless just because of me,” I whisper.

He rolls suddenly, trapping me beneath him. His hand cups my cheek and my heart starts to race at the expression on his face, at the burning in his eyes.

“I can, and I will. There is nothing here for me without you.”

I’m stunned and for a moment can only stare at him. Eric’s gaze softens and he lowers his lips to mine, stealing my breath with a kiss. My senses return and I pull away reluctantly.

“You can’t do that! You’ve built a life here, you’re a leader.” I can’t believe he’s willing to give this up, and for someone like me.

“I love you and that’s all that matters to me now.”

Faint anger flares through me and I squirm, reaching up to grab his face.

“I’m not worth giving up everything you’ve-”

Eric reacts instantly, his hands gripping my wrists, for a moment it’s painful, then he relaxes his grip slightly. His eyes bore into mine. “I. Love. You. There is nothing I am not willing to give up to be with you. You are absolutely worth it. Never say that again.”

My heart is hammering, but not in fear. I never thought I would hear those words spoken to me, ever; let only from someone like Eric. I’m ashamed to admit that when I first met him I had dismissed him as incapable of any depth of emotion beyond scorn and rage; but instead, he is deeply passionate, his emotions and heart the strongest part of him. He’s glaring down at me, and I’m horrified to feel tears start to flow again. I am so weak.

His thumbs are gentle as he brushes my tears away, and he makes a low sound in his chest; lowering himself down he wraps around me, pulling me back to his chest and I can’t stop the tears. I don’t know where they come from, but my chest cleaves open and a torrent of sorrow and sadness flow out and I’m afraid for a moment that I’m going to drown, but Eric’s arms hold me tight and he keeps me from going under. I don’t know how much time passes before I’m able to stop and I hiccup miserably against his hot skin until he finally strokes my hair back from my forehead and presses a kiss there.

“I don’t deserve you.” I whisper.

“Fuck baby, it’s the other way around,” Eric’s voice is strained, and I feel the wetness of his own tears against my skin. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Oh fuck, baby,” Eric groans, dropping his head back, his knees trembling.

It’s been a few days and, although I’m suspended from training, I’m finding other ways to occupy myself. Although technically Dauntless doesn’t even need to house me right now, because I am no longer considered an initiate, Max has allowed me to move in with Eric; I suspect Eric threatened him, god knows with what, to make him agree to this.

This evening, I attacked Eric as soon as he came through the door, dropping to my knees in front of him and pulling roughly at his pants. Although surprised, he doesn’t immediately push me away.

“Fox, what are you doing?” He’d asked, eye wide, his hand clasping mine to keep me from pulling his zipper all the way down.

“You were always asking what you were going to do with my smart mouth, I figured something out.” I grin up at him and bat his hands away, return to my task.

“Fox, I-” Eric’s words are lost as he hisses through his teeth, his muscles tensing. I’ve pulled his jeans down far enough to pull his semi-hard cock free and have given him an experimental taste with my tongue. I’ve never gone down on anyone before, but I’ve discovered Eric’s small but extensive collection of DVD’s and was watching a few today.

He’s fully hard now, and watches me, breathing hard through parted lips as I taste him again. I take him fully in my mouth and he groans, his hand curls into my hair. My hand around his shaft is clumsy and unskilled, so I pull away enough to whisper ‘show me’ and he understands, reaching down and covering my hand with his. He shows me how to hold him, how to stroke up and down the way he likes and I take over eagerly, adding my mouth as my hand picks up the rhythm.

Eric’s legs start to tremble slightly as I take more of him in my mouth, relaxing my throat. He’s really enjoying this, so I go deeper and swallow around him.

“Oh fuck, baby,” he groans, dropping his head back. I pull away, twisting my hand the way he likes and take him in my mouth again, swallowing deeper. I’m getting hot myself, I love the way his cock feels in my mouth, the way my touch affects him. I do this again and again, feel my core begin to tingle; the sounds Eric is making, the way his body is trembling is turning me on hard and I remember something from the movie I watched earlier.

I curl my hand over his, still tangled in my hair and push, hoping he understands because I don’t want to pull my mouth off of him. He does, and groans my name with reverence, his breathing becoming harsh pants, his muscles starting to quake. He pushes my head down with his hand, curls his fingers hard into my hair and I relax my throat, moaning as he starts pumping my head up and down on him, fucking my mouth. He watches me with animalistic passion in his eye, groaning my name and cursing and I love making him feel this way. I reach down between my legs like I did earlier watching this scene and moan around his cock as tingles shoot through my body. Eric groans heavily when he sees what I’m doing and drops his head back.

“Fuck baby, I’m gonna come,” he moans, fingers curling against my scalp and I nearly lose it myself at the uneven sound of his voice.

He’s trembling, he’s so close and I hum as he thrusts into my mouth again and that throws him over the edge. A visceral groan tears from his chest, his body shuddering, legs shaking as his cock pulses and I touch myself a final time, plunging into my own climax, spasming around my hand. Even lost in his own orgasm, Eric realizes what happening and swears sharply, seeming to find another peak almost simultaneously, groaning roughly again. His knees finally give out and he slides down the wall, panting. I swallow and relax against my hand. Eric’s eyes are dark with reignited desire and he reaches over, taking my hand from between my legs and placing it in his mouth, he sucks on my fingers, licking my juices off. I moan again and he pulls me against him, crushing our lips together. We taste each other on our mouths and Eric’s hand cups me, he swallows my whimper and pulls back enough to rest his forehead against mine.

“What... where did you learn that?” He gasps, grinning wickedly.

“Did you like it?” I tease.

“Fuck yeah, that was amazing,” his chest heaves and tiny residual shockwaves cause small tremors in his limbs still. His hand begins to move between my legs and bliss flares in my body again.

“You’re so fucking hot baby,” he moans, starting to suck on my neck and, as he pushes two fingers inside me I feel myself come apart again. Eric groans against my throat as I ride out my second orgasm on his hand and pulls my face to his, crushing out lips together as I moan in residual ecstasy.

We pull apart enough to rest our foreheads together and Eric sighs deeply, drawing me into his lap. His hand strokes my spine and he feathers kisses along my shoulder and neck before nuzzling his face into my hair.

I’m so comfortable here that it’s hard to force myself to stand. Eric grumbles low in his chest as I pull away from him; and he follows me into the kitchen, wrapping his arms around me from behind, watching as I check on supper.

“Smells good,” he murmurs into my throat.

“Getting all domesticated on me?” I tease.

“Only for you baby,” he breathes, then pulls away, slapping my ass and making me squeak. I hear the bathroom door slam. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Eric?” I’m not that hungry and have been picking at my food for a few minutes. A question floats into my head, one I stored away earlier out of sheer curiosity.

Eric is having no such problems and looks up from his half-empty plate. The sight of Dauntless’ big scary leader sitting at a table, eating like a regular mortal brings a faint smile to my lips and Eric smirks in return. “What babe?”

“Tris stopped by earlier today to see how I was doing and I noticed a scar on her left hand, is that a leader’s mark? I thought those were tattoos.”

“Was it an ‘X’?”

“Yeah.”

Eric nods faintly, spearing more green beans. “She’s blood-tied to Four.”

“Blood-tied? What’s that?”

Eric chews thoughtfully for a minute, “it’s a Dauntless ritual of commitment, usually done by a couple at their wedding ceremony.”

“A ritual of commitment?” Faint sparks begin coursing through my chest.

“Yes, not every Dauntless couple chooses it, but it supposedly makes for an unbreakable bond between the two people.” He reaches over for his tablet and pokes the screen a few times before handing it to me. “Here’s the history of it and how it’s done.”

“You just keep that information around for special occasions?”

He smirks again, “it’s right there under Dauntless history and official ceremonies; doesn’t Candor do anything like that?”

“Scar themselves? No, an engaged couple meet and ingest truth serum while an impartial third party makes them spill their guts to each other.”

Eric makes a face and returns to his supper. “I’d rather do this.” He ducks his head but not before I notice a faint blush on his cheeks.

I look back down at the tablet.

The Dauntless Faction Blood-Tie, also known as a Blood-Mating is an exclusively Dauntless ritual of commitment. First performed by Dauntless founder McKenzie Tahlor and his spouse the ritual remains unchanged.

Both partners stand facing each other. The male or masculine partner is traditionally shirtless, and the female or feminine partner may choose to be shirtless or may instead only have the left shoulder exposed. Although not necessary to the ritual, traditionally participants have performed the following sequence in a synchronized fashion, with the more the couple performs in tandem the more harmonious the union is said to be.

Each participant uses a small dagger to make an X-shaped incision on their left-hand palm. As the blood wells they press their palms to the chest of their partner, over the heart area and repeat the following phrase.

‘Bound by love, tied by love, bound by blood, tied by blood.’

Each partner is to then coat their right index finger with their own blood and draw a single straight unbroken line down their partner’s face and tradition holds that, as with the synchronicity, the length of the unbroken line foretells future harmony. Again, the above phrase is repeated.

‘Bound by love, tied by love, bound by blood, tied by blood.’

The participants are to then clasp hands, which are then bound by a length of black rope or leather. The hands should remain bound together for anywhere between 5 to 60 minutes. The length of the tie does not matter, the intent is for the blood to mingle and dry together, cementing both the literal and figurative bond between the two participants. Again, both as the hands are bound and as they are released, the above phrase is repeated and, as a closing declaration, each participant says, with the masculine partner traditionally speaking first:

‘I am bound to you, my life is yours, my blood is yours, my heart is yours, only death separates us, then I too shall perish.’

“Well, that’s intense.” I murmur. Eric has stood and moved to my side while I read and as I raise my head, he drops into a crouch beside me and takes my hand. As I turn to look at him, I can’t stop a sharp inhalation; the look in Eric’s eyes takes my breath away. He reaches with his free hand to cup my cheek and says lowly. “I want to do this with you.”

“The blood-tie?”

Eric nods, grazing his thumb across my bottom lip. “I want you to marry me. I want to do it now, but until the council decides, it wouldn’t be a legal union. I want to do this, I want to blood-mate to you, right now.”

“Eric, I...” I trail off, looking down; stunned into rare silence.

Eric cups my cheek and raises my head to meet his eyes again. “It doubt it would sway the council, but that’s not why I want to do it. I love you, Fox and I want us to belong to each other. Do you love me that way?” A brief flash of uncertainty and fear flares in his gaze; again, he is the first to bare his heart and soul.

Tears cloud my eyes instantly, I never would have expected another person to be willing to bind themselves to me this way, I never expected someone to love me like this, but, now that Eric has said it, it makes perfect sense. Only a blood-bond would work for us, only a blood-mating would be worthy of us. He rubs my cheeks with his thumbs, gently stroking the tears away and bites his bottom lip, waiting.

“Yes,” I whisper.

#eric coulter #jai courtney #divergent #eric divergent #eric coulter fanfiction #eric divergent fanfiction #fanfiction #eric and fox

[gwendre-simoneau]

Chapter 4

Jennet shielded her eyes against the mid-morning sun, examining the sight by her feet. “So.”

“Yep.” Next to her, Tamlin folded his arms.

“Well.”

He scratched his neck. “Uh-huh.”

“This is the monster.”

“You got it.”

The pair stared at the corgi struggling to remove its head from a stray boot.

“It’s really not that bad,” Jennet admitted, turning to Tamlin. “Now that it’s small, I mean.”

“No, it’s not.”

They watched it in silence.

“She was still heavy,” Tamlin pointed out. “I had to run with her all the way here. Just putting that out there.”

“Running was your idea.”

“True.”

The corgi was shuffling backwards in large circles inside the empty stable they’d found, shaking its head, still dragging the boot around.

Jennet glanced at Tamlin. “Fine, help the poor thing.”

He rushed forwards and gingerly pulled the boot from the dog’s head. It shook itself off, then gave an appreciative wag of its stub of a tail. Tamlin tentatively gave it a scratch behind an ear.

“I don’t think-” Jennet started, but the corgi wagged its stub even harder, showing no signs that it had slaughtered countless livestock over the last several nights. It fell over onto its back in its excitement, and Tamlin rubbed its belly fur. “Huh, it’s pretty cute.” Jennet knelt down next to Tamlin and gave the corgi a few pats. Then she giggled. “We kidnapped the legendary beast, and now we’re giving it belly rubs.”

Tamlin laughed. “Just eleven more to go, and then we can adopt them all.”

Jennet froze. “What?”

Tamlin looked at her and pulled away from the corgi, who whined in disappointment. “Well, that’s what we’re doing next, right?” Jennet didn’t respond. “Look, it’s harmless! We can’t kill them all! Look at her little face!”

They looked at the corgi, who sneezed, startling itself to its feet.

Jennet sighed, sitting down on her heels and brushing stray pieces of hay off her pants. “I guess it couldn’t hurt to try capturing one more. The guy we saw in the hut will probably be on high alert, though, once he realizes one is missing.”

Tamlin grinned. “You hear that, buddy?” He picked the corgi’s front legs up and bent over so that the two of them were eye level. “We’re gonna get you a brother or sister!”

“Ugh, don’t phrase it like that. That’s what parents say when they’re pregnant.” Jennet patted the dog on its head.

Was this really a good idea? They still didn’t understand what was going on with the whole size-changing business, and besides, now that they’d caught one of the monsters, shouldn’t they report back to the queen? Surely the royal knights would be able to deal with this furry little menace.

Then again, if the knights had been able to take care of the problem, she and Tamlin wouldn’t have had to come in and bail them out in the first place. Hey, knights — I hope we don’t scratch your round table when we drop all of our trophies on it!

Jennet pulled herself out of her imaginary smack-talk to see Tamlin eyeing her, biting his lip as if holding back a smile.

“What?” Jennet asked with narrowed eyes.

“I’m going to name her.”

Jennet buried her face in her hands.

“Megadog.”

“You have got to be kidding me,” she groaned behind her palms.

“Hey, Megadog,” Tamlin was saying in a ridiculously high-pitched voice. “Wanna play fetch? Wanna play?” He conjured a stick and threw it across the stable. “Better than chasing sheep, huh? Yeah, you mega-sized dog, you!”

Jennet peeked out from behind her fingers. The dog pounced on the stick and gnawed on it before trotting back.

“Good doggy!” Tamlin cooed. “Good mini monster! Good mini-Megadog!”

“I swear I can see your intelligence dropping by the second.”

Tamlin threw it a few more times, and on the fourth throw, the corgi ran back and dropped the stick in front of Jennet.

Dog and wizard watched her with round eyes. She couldn’t tell who looked more eager.

“Don’t hurt her feelings,” Tamlin hissed.

She gave him an incredulous look before turning her attention to the dog. Crouching low to the ground and ready to run on its stubby legs, it looked more than ever like a loaf of bread with ears. “Hi, um…” she started. “Hi, Meg.”

Tamlin looked affronted. “It’s Megadog!”

“That word is never leaving my mouth.” She picked up the stick. “Fetch?” she asked awkwardly.

The corgi yipped.

“Okay, fetch!” She lobbed it over the low dividing wall and into the next stall. Meg stared up at the spot where it had disappeared from her view, cocking her head.

Tamlin shook his head at Jennet. “You’re bad at this game.”

“Yeah, who’d have thought I’d be better at slaying monsters than playing fetch with them? I was trained for one of those two fun leisure activities.”

Tamlin fanned his hand in the air a few times, and soon the stick came rolling out and around the wall on a strong, concentrated gust of magically-manipulated air. “See, girl? That’s where it was.”

“Okay, you know what you just did there? You just fetched the stick.” Jennet smirked and leaned back against the opposite wall, adjusting her sword sheath. “Pretty sure she’s training you.”

“See, that’s cat behaviour you’re describing. Megadog is definitely not a cat.”

Meg sniffed the air, then trotted around the corner where the stick had come from.

Tamlin groaned and Jennet laughed. “Remind me who’s bad at the game again?”

“Hello.” A deep-voiced figure in a hooded cloak stood up from behind the half-wall, Meg in his arms.

The pair screamed.

Jennet recovered first, jumping up and drawing her sword. “Put the dog down,” she said slowly. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her partner stand up to join her, drawing his hands together. If Meg got dropped, Tamlin would be ready to magically catch her.

The man raised a hand in submission, Meg still tucked into the crook of his other arm, and drew the hood back from his face. “I just wanted to thank you for finding my dog,” he said.

Jennet resisted the urge to exchange a glance with Tamlin. This was the guy from the hut, all right. She lowered her sword, but kept a firm grip on it.

“Your dog?” Jennet repeated. “Awesome. In that case, I have a question for you.” She pointed at the corgi, who seemed perfectly content. “Is Megadog a stupid name for her or what?”

“Or, hey, better question,” interrupted Tamlin, before the flummoxed man could answer, “why are you sending giant corgis to attack the villages?”

“Oh, so we’re opening with an interrogation?” Jennet muttered. “Okie dokie, then. Question away.” She took her eyes off the stranger for a second to glare at Tamlin.

“What?”

“I’m just saying, there goes any chance of tricking him into spilling his guts.” She spun the sword hilt in her hand. “Figuratively, at least.”

“We suck at that kind of trickery.”

Jennet forced a smile. “But he didn’t need to know that,” she sang through clenched teeth.

“Whoops. See? Proves my point.”

“If I may?” the man asked.

“Be my guest,” Jennet said, still fake-smiling as she drew a dagger from her belt with her free hand.

The stranger looked closely at each of them in turn. Jennet shifted her feet, unwilling to let her guard down.

“To answer your first question,” he said, stroking the dog’s head as she reached her nose out to sniff an empty feeding tray, “‘Megadog’ is absolutely the worst name I’ve ever heard.”

Jennet pressed her lips together. She figured that answer earned him a less painful beatdown. But only slightly less.

“As for the other question, I didn’t send them. It was… an unfortunate byproduct of the experiments.”

Tamlin’s eyes lit up and Jennet shook her head at him. There would be plenty of time to learn new magic from the bad guy when he was behind bars. Speaking of which…

Tamlin looked at her with wide eyes. “I guess we arrest him? If we’re even allowed to do that without being actual guards. I mean, he just confessed!”

“Yeah, which is a little suspicious. What kind of game are you playing?” She took a step towards the cloaked man and flashed her dagger at him.

“Game?” He chuckled and let Meg jump out of his arms and into the feeding tray. “Who has time for games?” He stepped forward and — Jennet blinked in surprise — through the stable wall as if it was made of air. “There’s just so much to do.” He raised a hand towards them, palm out.

Both Jennet and Tamlin barely had a chance to take an aggressive step forwards before a bright flash burst out of his palm. The pair were thrown backwards and Jennet felt something collide with her head, knocking her out. She only had time for one last thought:

That’s it. Good taste in dog names or not, he’s going down.

#misfits and legends

[aviationfiction]

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She is not fair to the human race. She is the cause for a war; serving as the undeniable demise of a million men. Her sun kissed skin gleams brighter than the finest gold and her intoxicating olive and honey eyes, serve as her weapons; weakening all who dares to stare into them for a lengthy period of time. Every aspect of her body is sculpted to perfection. She serves as a paragon of the higher power’s capabilities and showmanship. She is the personification of his excellency.

Yoooo this if I wasn’t blown away with the way he described her. Like I love reading from his pov because his words are like poetry. The way he describes and pay attention to every little intricate detail that is Autumn is absolutely amazing.

The way he looks at her is fascinating, especially because she doesn’t even know nor does she view herself in that manner. If Autumn could magically hear his thoughts, she’d either he baffled or embarrassingly amused by how enamored he is with her beauty. He notices every damn thing she does; even the things that wouldn’t matter to her or anyone else.

The bouncing of her ponytail was nothing in comparison to what was happening below her waistline and I nearly tripped myself as I purposely sprinted ahead of her to end the visual and cease those thoughts.

I laughed so hard tears where coming out. I can actually picture him doing this. Lol son Autumn had this nigga mind all in the gutter and I loved it, because he tries so hard for it not to go there. Especially with her.

He’s embarrassed by those type of thoughts because he doesn’t want to objectify her. That’s typical male behavior and he’s not trying to fall in line with that type of gawking but he can’t help himself. No matter how much he tries not to, he’s going to look and think about it. It’s natural behavior. He shouldn’t fault himself for that.

“No one’s home. My father’s in D.C. for something work related and my mother is out there for some type of summit or conference at Howard University. I’m assuming they’re most likely going to stay an extra day or two to do their romantic thing and return home. So yeah, it’s just me here today.” As we walked along, she snickered. “Why am I making it sound like I’m sneaking you in? I’m sounding so hot in the pants teen right now.” “Well. Are you sneaking me in?” I teased her and smirked when she widened her eyes at the question. She then lightly smacked her hand into my arm. “No. It just makes me think of the movie ATL when Lashonate’s character Tonya says to T.I.’s character Rashad look my momma not home, you want to give me a ride? And then Rashad says man your momma ain’t never home. You remember that?” I haven’t heard of the movie nor seen it. I knew Tip was into acting but I never had an interest in seeing him do it. I’d rather be a fan of his music; mostly the earlier work. This is the second time I’m hearing that Lashonte name from someone. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen anything she’s acted in before. “No. I’ve never seen that.” “My God, Dante. What do you watch when you’re at home chilling? You better not say House Of Cards either.”

For her to not only offer to cook for him, but for her to invite him into her home. Says a lot. That whole little exchange was so cute, because every time she finds out that Dante haven’t seen a movie or a tv show, baffles her, and I think that’s really cute that she’s tryna put him up on things.

She’s comfortable with him and she’s building a trust level with him that allows her to continue to allow him to come even further into her world. She trusts the respect that he’s shown her thus far and that’s what’s really important when it comes to those two.

I also love and find it hilarious how out of touch Dante is when it comes to films and popular culture overall. He really does live in his own little bubble. Autumn’s going to have to school him, because Stacey isn’t getting through to him.

Three reasons. Faith. I’ve always believed that we as human beings put a bit too much faith in God when it comes to every single thing. I don’t know why, but it felt like such a lazy approach. Around that time, honestly, I felt like I had nothing but him to cling to. It was the first time I put it all on him and firmly believed that he’d make sure I made it through it all in some type of way. I’m standing here and I’m functional so those blessings were gifted. The second is hope. I’ve been one hell of a pessimist over these past couple of years, so I had to work on becoming hopeful again. I’m still working on it but I’ve progressively gotten better. Lastly, myself. I don’t know what the hell the future holds for me. It scares me to think about it but I have to believe that everything’s going to work itself out positively for as long as I work on it.” “Faith. Hope. Self. I like and highly respect that. You know, a lot of people usually name their family or something completely outside of themselves as reasons for living and that’s cool but ultimately, I believe that you have to want to live for yourself before you can have the desire to live for anyone else. That falls right along the lines of needing to love yourself before you can attempt to love someone else.” “Exactly. You get it. It’s not a selfish way of thinking. It’s simply the way things should be.” Suddenly, she turned and swung open the fridge’s door to examine the contents inside. “You said French toast is your favorite right?”

This was so heart breaking for me to read. But for her to still be able to pick up the pieces and move on, had me yelling go sus. And I just think it’s so awesome that they’re both completely comfortable with each other to divulge things to each other that they normally wouldn’t.

Her strength is admirable and her ability to speak about it and be informative when it comes to his own story is beautiful. Her life is important and it’s good to know she realizes that and also that she’s found outlets to restore her faith in God and in herself. The rawness between the two of them is one of the driving forces of their friendship. The open honesty continues to draw them closer to one another and it serves as an outlet and escape from what does pain them in their individual lives.

“Yes. It’s just television sweetheart.”

I smiled so damn hard at this, even tho it was a slip up. I was like yes Dante

LMFAO! A slip up that had both her........and him shook!

When she caught him peeking, he was so damn embarrassed, but it was so cute.

My famous southern fried chicken, a vegetable omelette, and cinnamon French toast with a homemade bourbon peach sauce smothered over them.”

Well damn Olga I felt like I was watching an episode of Chopped lol. Shorty threw down in the kitchen. And for her to keep him company while he ate. And for it to seem so natural. I just love how comfortable they are with each other.

She made her time in Miami useful in that manner. Though it was to appease Andreas, her cooing skills do come in handy and Dante was able to get a taste of what she spend a lot of her leisure time doing. If he sticks around, one thing he won’t complain about is being hungry, because she’s sure to fill his stomach up upon request.

No. I was only asking because I wanted to know if you’d like to hang out with me today? I have a few things to do but it’s sort of a loose day for me. First I need to head home to freshen up and change. If you get ready while we’re here, you can just go with me. I have to stop by my office to wrap something up. What time is your appointment?” “It’s starts at five. It’s later in the evening because she’s coming into the office late today.” “I can drop you off. I’m supposed to check out a property around five thirty, so I can drop you off and pick you back up. Tonight, Diddy’s hosting a party at the club to celebrate some new flavor of Ciroc. It should be fun. He always brings a crowd and tons of special guests with him. Are you up for it?” Though I wanted to finish it all, I couldn’t eat another bite. After having swallowed down the last bit of French toast I had left, I tossed in the towel on the half of omelette and piece of chicken I had left.

Okay Dante I see you boy. Don’t wanna leave her. I was surprised she agreed tho. I kinda felt like she wasn’t thinking that would be doing to much, but obviously she’s more opened to them becoming better friends.

She’d already spoiled him with the breakfast and the company, so he wanted to keep that going for the remainder of the day. It’s surprising for someone who tends to always be by himself to desire an entire day worth of company, but again, that attests to how close the two of them are becoming and how much he already values her presence.

“And your closet damn near made me pass out. It’s amazing and that mirror that you have in there? Whew! Your closet is very Christian Grey.” “Very who?” I pressed send on the final e-mail that I needed to send over the Hakkasan group and glanced over in her direction. It was one hell of a gamble, but I was able to secure him an extended three year partnership with the group as a disc jockey and music consultant. He’ll be the resident DJ at Hakkasan nightclub once it has it’s grand opening, Wet Republic, and also at Omnia nightclub inside of Caesar’s Palace. “You’ve never heard of Christian Grey?” Her giggle was sheepish and her face suddenly turned a slight hue of red as her body shifted on the chair. “No. Who is he?” “Nevermind.” She couldn’t cease the laughter at my lack of information about whomever she was referencing to so I did what anyone would do. I immediately opened up another tab and typed the exact name into Google. When the results appeared, I clicked the first link available. “Christian Trevelyan Grey is the male protagonist of the trilogy, Fifty Shades of Grey. To the outside world, he appears to be a handsome and attractive young man in the business world. However, he has a hidden face: he is adept of BDSM.” It was my turn for my face to flush in embarrassment as I skimmed through more of the synopsis about the man. Fredrick’s talked about his weird interest in BDSM enough for me to know exactly what it is and what it entails. Autumn couldn’t contain her laughter no matter how many times she attempted to do so and the smirk on my face was by followed my narrowed eyes as I pondered how she made the connection between myself and this character. “How is my closet very Christian Grey?” “Because it’s very sleek, masculine, and it’s filled with suits, dress shoes, and you have those pull out draws with your ties neatly folded inside of them. That’s how Christian is described. He’s a business man, just like you are.” “But why do I have to be compared to the kinky ass business man?” “I’m not saying that you’re kinky. I’m just comparing your styles in terms of business attire. I wouldn’t know if you’re into BDSM or not unless I asked Samira or that three month girlfriend from college.” “Or you can just ask me.”

I cackled so damn loud my coworkers were looking at me crazy. And for her to say she would only found out by asking one of his exs and for him to boldly reply or you can just ask me. Phew chile. I can picture Dante dominating Autumn or the other way around. Hell for the right person you’ll get kinky for them.

LMFAOOOOOO! Dante decided to test the waters with that response and he cannot deny that even if he tried to. He wanted to see just how much she’d flinch or if she’d actually go there and open up the floor for that invasive but obviously intriguing conversation.

You think Dante’s dominant in the bedroom? Hm. Her too? Well, you’re definitely right about people bringing out all the works when it’s with the right person.

“Okay, Google Images does you no justice. Don’t get me wrong, you’re beautiful in those photos, but damn, you’re fine as hell.”

I freaking love Stacey man. I just love her.

Stacey is a mess, but we have to love her. She can’t help but to be her loud and obnoxious self and that is by far what makes her so damn great. She makes Dante squirm and he needs that.

I’m not done with my feedback but I’m at work so I def will be leaving the rest later on tonight.

Thank you so much. I truly appreciate that and I’m glad you’re enjoying it thus far.

[letterstochristopher]

Letters to Chris. April 23rd. Day 15.

Hey Buddy,

I’m actually feeling as close to “content” as I possibly can right now. I’m wearing your Army PT shirt, your Breckenridge sweatshirt and your plaid pajama pants. Covered with your firefighter blanket. I’m actually pretty hot but I refuse to shed any layers. This hot laptop doesn’t help. I just went through all of my old Facebook photos and tagged you, Mom, Dad and Nikea in all of them. Pictures of you dressed up for Prom, for Winter Sports, pics of us at McDonalds for Austen’s birthday, wresting at the Rocheport Winery, feeding fish at Tan Tar A…And I didn’t cry. That’s progress. I think it’s still hard to reconcile the boy with the long hair and goofy grin as being gone. When I look at your photos, it doesn’t seem real. That young boy I knew would never do something to hurt himself. 

Denial phase again?

Yesterday was a super long day. Dad and I drove to Sedalia to drop off meds for Grandpa and see the family. Sue, Hannah, Holten, Sayre, Connor, David and Stacy were all there. I couldn’t be there during Christmas (rescheduled due to an ice storm so Sedalia Christmas happened after I returned to Colorado), so it was wonderful to see everyone. Connor is adorable. He’s so tiny! I always forget how little they are when they are brand new. New mama Sayre is beautiful and exhausted. Sue is in grandma Heaven. Holten is getting so big! Hannah is doing well and decided she can’t stand her dog (we all got a big laugh out of this). David and Stacy just got back from visiting Derek, and are planning another trip out soon. Of course Grandma and Grandpa are doing well. Poor Grandma was fussing because I couldn’t eat anything since I’m allergic to gluten. That’s right, Chris. There was hole-in-the-bread and freaking Mississippi mud and it took every fiber of my being not to face plant in both. Everyone misses you. Hannah started to cry, saying she had no idea how sad you were. I assured her that it wasn’t just her-none of us did. 

Then Dad and I picked up Mom and headed to Mexico to see Bethany. She still didn’t know. So Mom brought plastic Easter eggs to fill with candy and I brought pics I took of Connor to help distract her after we told her. Even though Bethany is mentally handicapped, she knows what death is. The second Mom signed “CJ died” she began to wail. It was awful. We just held her as her heart broke. Then she asked if you died from a gunshot to the head. We just looked at each other. How did she know? But we said, “No, CJ had cancer.” She’d ask again a little later, and we would just repeat the answer we gave her before. Then she left it. Thank goodness. They watch a lot of TV there, so we believe she has seen things like that on shows. Who knows. We took her out to Taco Bell for dinner, and she did okay for a while after. We filled eggs with candy, and then in the middle of handing them out to her roommates, she began to wail again. She kept signing “my brother died.” I was so angry with you. I knew you would never want to hurt any of us, especially Bethany. But here she was, sobbing for her big brother. And we couldn’t take away her pain. You know Bethany is the sweetest, most loving little person. It makes my heart ache just thinking about it. I didn’t want to leave her. I don’t see her nearly enough. I’ve decided to be better about Face Timing her and sending her cards and little gifts. You’ve taught me to not take her for granted.

This evening, I went through all of your things. This was my Goliath. I didn't know if I’d be able to handle it. Every time I’d go downstairs I’d have to stop at all your boxes and bury my face in your clothes and break down. Yet I knew it would be too much for Mom right now, and I needed to touch all of your things. I only cried like four times. That's good, I guess. I started with all your clothes, folding and separating. Any I found that smelled like you I set aside. I’ve been reduced to a person who seeks out her brother’s sweaty shirts. Maybe that’s gross. I’m sure you’d make fun of me. But that sweat is from a body that I washed and diapered, wrestled, hugged, probably pushed in anger a time or two when we were little. A body that no longer exists. So any time I’d find one that smelled of you, I’d stop and bury my nose in it. I separated your clothes into several containers: one for shirts, one for pants and shorts, and one for all military and firefighting clothing. You had some dirty laundry as well, mostly just underwear, socks and towels. I pointed those out to Mom when she came down to check on me, and she started crying. It’s so hard for her to be around your things right now. But she doesn’t want to part with any. She warned me tonight that she doesn’t want me to take back many things to Colorado. Not yet. I can have them, but she needs time before she can let them go. That was hard to hear. I’m going back to an apartment that holds no memories with you, whereas you’re everywhere here. And all of your belongings are downstairs. But I know she has the right to grieve over her son in the way she needs to, and if that means holding onto your things for a while, I have to respect that. 

I also went through all your books, and set aside the ones that looked like they had sentimental value. A couple firefighting books (one of which had your Citizen of the Month certificate from middle school in it. I was at that ceremony…so crazy. It seems like yesterday). Your books from AIT. Yearbooks. I had to laugh at one yearbook-I’m guessing you had an arch nemesis because you had crossed out one girl's name and wrote “ugly” in its place. I’ve decided middle schoolers are odd little people. On the inside cover, where your friends signed their names, one girl wrote how she wanted to be friends all year but didn’t think you did but oh wow you actually did want to be friends. Dad and I got big kick out of that. I also found your Harry Potter books. I am going to take those if Mom will let me. I have my own set but I’ll just replace it with yours, which obviously has way more sentimental value. These are the actual books Dad read to you. And then I found your old Legends of Sleepy Hollow I remember reading right here on this couch. 

I looked through your cards you kept. I found a couple I had sent you…one for graduation, one for your 11th birthday. I called you “buddy” in both. I’m trying to remember when I started calling you that…I have no idea. I’m honestly amazed I got you cards…I’m the world’s worst card-giver. I keep every card given to me ever, but I absolutely SUCK at getting them for others. Hypocrite? Maybe. But I was excited to see you’d kept those, along with a couple drawings I did for you of Garfield the cat sleeping (no idea why I drew this??) and a dog. You had kept a ton of cards from our real mom, so I set those aside for her. I figure she’ll want them. You also had a ton of thank you notes from your old teacher, Mrs. Dahms. I believe she was second grade. Nikea had her as a teacher as well, and apparently she’s awesome because who keeps notes from their second grade teacher?

Then I went through your knickknacks, mostly your real dad’s things. Military medals, the old black and white pics from Korea I mentioned before. And then rocks. Rocks. Rocks and more rocks. Beautiful rocks, though. Ones even I can appreciate. Geods and minerals I’m sure Dad gave you. Fossils. This cool quartz ball thing. I imagined them all displayed on your bookshelf among with your dozens of books. It reminded me of when you were little, and you would collect all these things in your pockets Mom would have to pull out before she washed your clothes. Rocks, sticks…I’ll have to ask Mom what else she’d discover. But she always found that so funny. She’d put them in a baggy and mail them to Mom Heidi. 

Then your jackets. My word, you had so many jackets. I have decided you were a collector of all things camo (shirts, sheets, pants, jackets), rocks and jackets. Oh and cowboy boots. You had three pairs. That’s a lot of cowboy boots! 

All your military and firefighting stuff was the hardest to go through. I know how much you loved both. Ever since you were little, it was your dream to be a firefighter and soldier like your real dad. I’m so grateful you got to experience both. How many people can say they accomplished dreams they had as a child? I believe it’s really rare, Chris. We are so proud of you.

By the way, I talked to my boss and am officially back to work next Monday. They’ve been unbelievably patient. The last six months have literally been the worst of my life, what with trying to find job, living in a basement, my health issues, Clay’s torn meniscus and surgery…and now this. I feel so discouraged. I’m definitely hoping life doesn’t keep throwing curve balls, because I’m exhausted. I had really thought things were getting better. We found jobs. I found a doctor I really like that seems to have answers. We moved out of the basement to a cute apartment. Then that phone call from Mom. I’m so tired, Chris. I feel like I’ve been fighting nonstop, and I’m ready for a break. I guess another way to look at it is I can overcome anything. Nothing will come close to this. This is the worst thing that could happen. My worst fear realized..losing a loved one. A sibling. Life has to be uphill from here, right? Unless someone else I love dies. I'm so terrified that will happen now. But I know you’ll give me strength. You’re giving all of us strength. Thank you. Because I feel so weak right now. 

I’ve been thinking of the things I’ve learned the past two weeks. Grief really makes you hyper aware of your life and the people in it. For one,  we have so many incredible people in our family. I’ve always loved and appreciated them, but now I have absolutely no idea how I could ever get on without them. They have been so wonderfully supportive. Which brings me to my second realization: some people you fully expect to be there for you refuse to alter their lives to accommodate you while you’re grieving. Sometimes you want to spend time with someone who just has too busy of a schedule for you. This was a hard one to realize. On a more positive note is my third realization: we are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Humans are incredibly resilient, even those of us who fold to depression. Like I’ve told you, you were one of the strongest people I knew. You lived so long with your heartache, longer than I could have. It’s a broken world, and sometimes we have to live through our nightmares. But if we keep fighting, we can come out the other side. That’s realization 4: we have to go through the emotions. One of my first thoughts when Mom called me was, “I don’t want to go through this. I don’t want to feel what I’m feeling.” Because grief is awful. Loss is the worst possible thing we can go through. But we have to go through it. We have to cry, to mourn. We have to feel anger, despair, depression, fear, doubt, loneliness, hopelessness, before we can heal. I will always carry this scar. A huge part of me died with you. I’ll never be the same. None of us will. But by allowing ourselves to grieve and feel all the awful emotions that come with it, we will come out the other side. I feel like I’m in this awful dark tunnel with no light anywhere right now. I know that’s how you felt, as well. But, realization number 5 is that we have no idea how many people care for us. I guarantee you didn’t. Our deaths affect far more people than we expect. I’m sure you didn’t know how may people would be missing you, sobbing for your broken heart, posting on your Facebook wall, sending cards (we’ve received dozens). When we go through all the crap that life hurls at us, we need to lean on those who love us. They are what get us through. Six: grief does weird things to your body. I’m so tired 90 percent of the time, I’m breaking out like a teenager, my skin is rough and dry, I’ve lost eyelashes (probably from crying). I want to eat all the sugar (amazingly I’ve only caved once, and that was for my favorite candies, Percy Pigs, that Courtney had left over from our London trip a year ago). It’s a bit funny. It’s like your body is saying, “Hey, you’re devastated. Have some pimples!”

F*ck you, cortisol.

Realization number 6: take depression seriously. It’s a dangerous illness that can overtake anyone. We knew you struggled and we tried to help you in every way we could, but ultimately we couldn’t save you. I knew better than anyone what you were going through, but I didn’t know you had suicidal thoughts. Like I’ve said before, maybe I should have. No…I should have. You were my brother. I knew you your entire life. I should have acknowledged the possibility. I know guilt is normal in this situation, and everyone who goes through our situation struggles with it. But lesson learned. 

F*ck you, depression.

Next, do not take people for granted. Just don’t. We get so caught up in our own lives that we forget to take a few precious moments out of our day to make a call, or even send a text, to say “I love you.” It just doesn’t take any time. We get comfortable and forget that life’s a bitch, and people die when we least expect them to. I was thinking about the last time I heard your voice today. Oddly, it was when I was cutting fat off a pork shoulder. My mind never stops. But it was Christmas. You called us, and Mom put you on speaker. I was so disappointed you couldn’t come home. We chatted for at least 20 minutes. That was the last time we talked. I still can’t believe I let that long go by since we chatted…that was when life started to get super tough for us (we had recently moved into our friend’s basement), and I became somewhat of a recluse. But that’s no excuse. I should have called you. Now I’ve been telling everyone I love them. But I should have told you every day.

My biggest realization? That you still feel close. Sometimes so close I feel I can reach out and touch you. I know you’re here. I have no doubt. Earlier this evening, I laid my head on your dress uniform that you wore to my wedding (I even flung one of the arms around me like you were hugging me. Another thing about grief-it makes you do weird things like smell your brother’s BO on his tshirts and make his uniforms hug you), and your presence was so strong. Knowing you’re still here with us is so comforting. Thank you, Chris. Keep it up, because the next couple years are going to be tough. I know one day it won’t hurt to breathe, but that day is a long way down the road. So stay close, Buddy.

Well it’s 3 am so I’m going to try to get some sleep. I love you, Buddy.

#grief #grief and loss #mourning #love #suicide #suicide survivor #family #faith

[tumblunni]

I wish I could hug y'all!

In fact I think I will make it A LIFE GOAL I really really wanna someday be able to visit all my friends who live in different countries! Its something good to save up for, even if it'll probably take years. So.. lets randomly ramble in a journal about Plans!! IDEA THE FIRST TRIP THE FIRST FIRST THE FIRST: THE SEQUEL I think it'd probably make sense to go to america first, since i have a lot of close friends living there and I don't need to learn another language. (I am notoriously dumb...) But then afterwards I could set another goal to save up and visit another friend in another country! IT WILL NEVER ENDDDDD, THATS WHY ITS CALLED FRIENNNNDDDDD So far all I have confirmed is that two of my friends would be happy to see me if I was able to visit america, @darkeiya and @summon-daze But its not like I've exactly asked everyone else, so I dunno really how many people I might be able to visit. And it depends on time constraints too, i might only be able to spend a full day or two with the closest friends and maybe then if there's more than three of us we could all meet up together and hang out en masse? Depends on how tricky it'd be for everyone to get to the same place! SO! PLANS AND THINGS I NEED TO PREPARE! workin to figure out a precise money goal im gonna save for * Become Fab * no but srsly i wanna look my best if im meeting friends in person for the first ever time. need to acquire Cool T-Shirts * figure out what exactly you can and cannot take on an aeroplane, and how to deal with anxiety if i cant take electronics. Nothing's as distracting as videogames when you're freakin out! * DO NOT SCHEDULE ANYTHING ON THE 11th-14th OF THE MONTH. i have a bad history of my period landing on these days ONLY when i have to do something important. Or when its my birthday :P I dont need even more reason to feel nauseous on a plane! * figure out how many days the stay will be, and how many clothes etc I need to bring. probably a basic thing, but this is my first time going on a holiday alone so i need to write stuff down to make sure i remember! * figure out how long exactly I want to spend with each friend, and how long I can afford in hotel fees. And does a plane ticket cos more if you're staying for longer? * find out what kind of luggages are easiest to carry and how to carry three luggages when i have two hands. Can you tie them together and make a luggages train??? * Find some sort of secure way to carry large amounts of money. I'm gonna have to do that since I need to get all my currency converted before I go. I was thinking maybe a little matchbox tin chained to the inside of my coat or around my neck? Something where you couldnt get it without roughhousing with me, and it'd still be hard to pull it off the chain. Gives me a precious few extra minutes to yell for help/possibly bludgeon a guy with a suitcase * Figure out hotel(s) in different areas of america, depending on how far I'll have to travel. And figure out affordable ways to travel the difference if its not a situation where the friend can pick me up. And make sure they are cool hotels, not just the absolute minimum! i wanna make a fun tourist experience of the hotels!! I havent been in a hotel since I was a kid! * Possibly schedule it like a 'safehouse' thing? Returning to home base! I need to make sure I schedule around the potential anxiety of doing so much travel in a new place. So maybe schedule it out so I have a period of me-time in between visiting each friend? Itd probably cost too much to rent a hotel room for an entire day in between so maybe just schedule it out so I have half a day at least. I dunno if hotels allow you to sleep in all day tho, are there rules about what time you need to be up and out? * I'm kinda looking forward to using hotel beds and showers cos theyre like luxury compared to my house XD man, I wonder if I could get a place with a hot tub?? or the fabled mini-bar?? (which i would drink nothing of, but it would be fun to take photos!) And it'd be so cool to see what american breakfasts are like! And lol all my friends have just been like 'YOU NEED TO SEE OUR LOCAL RESTAURANTS' and im like... dude, i dont need to get fatter XD lets limit it to ONE! * I dunno if my friends would just wanna hang out in their local mall or something, or if I could visit their house and say hi to their family? that might be going too far. i'll still bring gifts they can give to their family tho, i wanna show my appreciation to everyone!! * are you allowed to bring extra empty suitcases onto the plane with you? I'm anticipating that knowing myself im probably gonna buy enough souveniers to need one. I'm planning to basically have half the money be for travel and then half again is just for buying NOVELTY HATS! * need to make sure to finally get a passport, and also consult heavily with my support worker and friends to make sure i have every form of travel documentation in order. I know stuff is... not good, in america right now. Thats probably why it'd be good that it'd take me years to save up for a visit, hopefully i'd be there after the next election. But I need to prepare anyway, in case border control is even more stringent. * Prepare the 'ol misgendering, because getting strip searched and treated as a suspicious threat is a very big reality for trans people. Having the wrong gender marker on your birth certificate is treated as 'this passport must be a forgery' rather than.. yknow.. transgender people exist. And then you need to be invasively handled by the guards to make sure you aren't packing explosives down your goddamn pants, they have to inspect the parts of you that you're most self concious about. *shudder* I've heard a lot of horror stories. I dunno if america is any better about it. But yeah I'm probably gonna have to just pass as female during boarding and hotels and stuff, and not wear my binder til i get to meet my friends. Saves trouble... Man, I might have to even go buy some more cliche feminine outfits or something, to make sure. Itd be fun burning them afterwards, I guess... * BRING GIFTS FOR FRIENDS N FAMILY! Figure out what is and isnt allowed to be transferred between countries. As far as I know I cant bring any form of food or drink right? I'm only allowed to eat the in-flight meals? Thats a shame cos I wanted to bring welsh cakes, theyre the only one of our local delicacies that's not a super acquired taste. (I tried bara bryth for the first time and DIED) And I dunno if anyone would be interested in silly souveniers of my country but I could get a pile of em if you are! Want an eight foot tall lovespoon? Want a giant inflatable daffodil? Want a bazillion ceramic dragons? * I am determined to bring at least one personalized super awesome gift for each person! It might just be an expensive merchandise of their fave show, it might be some form of handmade handicraft of one of their ocs! whatever I'm able to do! ^_^ * BRING SKETCHBOOKS SO WE CAN DRAW TOGETHER. LEARN THE WAYS OF THE AMERICAN MASTERS. * hey does anyone wanna trade trading cards yo. They'd be like the single easiest thing to bring with me, but I only have a handful of pokemon ones and i only really have one friend that I know likes yugioh. (And she's in england) * WE CAN FOOL AROUND LIKE DOOFS. God willing, if anyone wants to join me I will play water balloon tennis or jalapeno roulette or any sort of insane friend activity you can think of!! Gotta make up for the fact im a boring teetotaler. Tho lol I probably already act more drunk than the real drunks at a party XD * TAKE A LOT OF PHOTOS!! And possibly try and acquire a portable video camera? I'd only photo/video anyone if they gave me permission, and I wouldnt post it online unless I also had permission for that. I just wanna make a lot of memories and record them forever! Whenever I feel down, I can remember this amazing trip!!! * remember to get one of those plug adaptor thingies cos american plugs have one less prong. Gotta trade the pokeymons!! I know I can already do that easily online but BATTLING IN PERSON WOULD BE EPIC * ...bring an Ash cosplay? XD * no but seriously if i could schedule this right to coincide with an american convention or something that'd be awesome! EVEN MORE SOUVENIERS! And I could actually try cosplaying!! I'd have to find a character that suits me tho, I dont wanna get laughed at like everyone always does with fat people cosplaying thin characters. (Like... almost every character is thin, yo. let people do what they want) * possible idea: magma admin tabitha from pokemon? he's like the only fave I have who's chubby but not like... inherantly a comic relief ugly guy or a seventy year old grandpa. I wanted to do quina quen from final fantasy 9 but I dont think I have the charisma to pull it off. I'd get paranoid if people just treated the character how they treat the character, my brain would twist everything into an insult on my costume or myself XD also I kinda already look like tabitha, tho I'd either have to go without hairdye or like... wear a wig in my natural hair colour. Also his costume is super heavy and sweaty in a convention setting, according to what I;ve heard from other team magma cosplayers. (Makes you wonder how on earth they all wore it on a volcano!) * WHAT IS AN AMERICAN BISCUIT. They look like savoury welshcakes??? Learn about all the language differences! Man I wish I could bring food souveniers back with me, I'd never be able to try every single different foodstuff in america in one day without DYING. AND DYING AGAIN. * Collect product wrappers and advertisements! Its always really interesting to me to see the differences between countries! A friend mailed me an american cola once and the bottle was a whole different shape??? (he also mailed me a bunch of spent shotgun shells, which was kinda terrifying cos I was currently in a christian homeless shelter and I didnt exactly wanna cause trouble XD Apparantly it is totally legal to own unuseable bullets tho, as long as you dont have a gun.) * I dunno if any of my friends would be equally interested in similar things? i could take requests for weird british stuff to bring with me! * for summon-daze specifically: since we are both cuddly honest goofballs of childlike joy, maybe bring some of my plushie collection to show her? I'd usually just bring one as an emergency anti-anxiety measure. Tho the embarassment from having a full on meltdown in public and having to be seen hugging a plush toy to keep from crying means its not 100% effective. Only works good when I'm with people who arent judgmental. Secret pocket gengar plush is good for other times! (I've been squeezing that thing during doctors appointments and nobody noticed!) * extra reason why I'd love to visit my friends: visiting my friends's pets. I have been absolutely blessed by images of dazy's pet cat Pam, and apparantly her family has a few other cats and a dog! O_O WHAT AN AMAZING LIFE YOU LIVE. I always tell her to give pam a hug from me, and I know pam probably wouldnt like me very much when we first meet cos she's shy, but still I'd love to at least see her. I wish cats could somehow know that they give joy to people through the internet! * ...are you allowed to bring medications across the border? is there a procedure I need to go through to be allowed to bring my antidepressants? Would painkillers be allowed too? If not, is there anywhere I could buy plane-bring-onnable headache meds in the lobby or something? Just anticipating that I might get a stress migraine on the plane, cos it'd be my first time ever flying. * are you allowed to take photos out the plane window, if you use a non electronic camera? i know you cant really see anything but panning landscapes but it still sounds awesome!

#long post #sorry #FRIENDS COUNTRYMEN LEND ME YOUR EARS #i still have no idea wtf that means #the amazing america plan

[placetobenation]

PTBN Learns Jeff #1

or…

Things Jeff Loves/Hates?

Jeffrey! Hello!??

Jeff on Things???

I don’t know. maybe I don’t need a title…

If you have listened to the “Jeff Learns Wrestling” podcast (and frankly, why wouldn’t you?) you know that I have seen some hard times the past few months. Chief among my woes is the end of my four-year relationship, which at times I was sure was one of the top five or ten best love stories in history, both actual and literary. So what happened? How did I lose my fiancé? How does someone, with absolute certainty, agree to spend the rest of her life with me one day, then decide she never wanted to see me again the next? The answer lies within my very complicated relationship with that which makes up the entirety of existence: things.

The days and weeks following the breakup were defined by tormenting moments of solitary thought and exasperating conversations with loved ones. One particular conversation will go down as my most memorable, as I was ranting and raving about the situation at my sister’s house. I came to an abrupt conclusion from all the fights we had had: “I just hate everything… I guess that’s the main problem”. To which my sister very calmly and matter-of-factly replied, “Yes”.

Quite a revelation. I got dumped because my fiancé thinks I hate everything. Who wants to spend their life with someone like that? My sister isn’t about to stop hanging out with me, but that’s what makes relationships different. My sister will always be my sister, no matter how big of a douche I am. But to have a successful relationship, regardless of the person, you have to work hard. Really, really hard. And such is my failure, because with regard to my perceived hatred of everything, from even those closest to me, the sad fact is this: IT”S NOT TRUE!!!!

I love lots of things. And you can all take me at my word by listening to my podcasts. I love Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul, Josh Richer, wrestling (maybe… the jury is still out on that one), talking about those things, laughing, making people laugh, and many more things. This is why I am here, to talk about things. Things I love and things I hate, and how my feelings toward any particular thing are constantly evolving and confusing to people who know me. My high school biology teacher once caught me napping in class, so he slammed on my desk and asked me to explain the cellular wall of a plant cell, which I did with perfect eloquence. His comment was among the wisest description of me ever made: “Machado, you are a paradox”. He was such a good teacher I went to a college with an awesome biology program… and then I realized I hated biology.

This column will therefore be my attempt to solve The Jeff Paradox (trademark pending). I’m here to talk about things. Anything and everything. They tell you in school a noun is a person, place, or thing. I always thought that was dumb, since people and places are also things. When people say I hate everything, they think I hate people. Also not true. In fact, the thing I love second most in the world is people (we will get to the number one thing in a later piece. Probably…). Not specific people, I mean I only truly love a small number of people with names and faces and whatnot… I mean the idea of people. The phenomenon of a race of animals with conscious thought, who can love each other, and entertain each other, and make fun of each other. 

Since I am not an expert on any one particular thing, for example, I know a lot about movies and TV and literature, but not as much as say, JT knows about wrestling. My expertise will simply have to be self analysis; they say to be an expert in something in takes 10,000 hours of practice, and I have spend that times a million obsessing over anything and everything relating to me inside my head. OK intro over, let’s talk about golf.

Before we get to golf I have to interrupt with a dream I just had before I forget it. I hate when people talk about their dreams but I love talking about my dreams. I was half Luke Skywalker and half me. I was moving through some underground lair searching for what must have been the Emperor and I slayed three beasts: a lion (cut its head off), a spider (strangled with its own web) and a Tremors-like worm (set it on fire). I got to the Emperor and he kept shape-shifting and it was clear his magic was far beyond mine, but we just kept sword-fighting, unable to land any blows, and I wondered when the lightning bolt to the face was coming. (During all of this terror, I never felt afraid. And every nightmare I have had over the past decade or so, I’ve never felt afraid. This is both reassuring of my usefulness in a crisis, and deeply troubling, because generally, the lack of fear denotes some kind of broken personality issues. But anyway… ) Eventually I said “OK, timeout. Can we call this a draw? I mean it’s been like five solid minutes already and enough is enough” to which he replied “OK. It’s a draw”. So he led me to the exit which was lined with guards and desk secretaries, and I hugged everyone on the way out like I just completed the ninja warrior course or something. When I got to the surface, it was 1950something. I thought this was cool, not seeming to mind that nobody I knew was around, nor considering how I had time-traveled or whether I could ever get back. I walked into a restaurant (because, as I was about to wake up, I was hungry) and the meals on the tables consisted of a fried chicken, Twinkies, and a pack of Camel cigarettes, and there was a sign in the window that read “Daily Special: 75 cents”. The moral of the story is I hate how expensive cigarettes are now.

The U.S. Open was last weekend. There is no greater perennial disappointment in sports than the U.S. Open. The Masters is always great, the British Open is pretty cool, even if the competition sucks it’s fun to see the gloomy, rainy landscape. The PGA isn’t a real thing. It’s just another tournament and the term “grand slam” is too cool not to use, so here you go, here’s a fourth one. But the U.S. Open is supposed to be the big one. Father’s Day weekend, the democratic nature of qualification, the hardest courses, it has all the ingredients for high drama. So why does it suck? Only boring guys win it.

Look, I’m not going to sit here and cry about Tiger Woods. Just because he is one of my top five athletes of all time, and watching him dominate during his peak gave me hope that there was some greater purpose and meaning to life, and the hope of him winning again at 42 would validate my own potential assent to prosperity after 30. No pressure, Tiger. But if he’s not going to be at the top, who am I supposed to route for? I hate Jordan Spieth. I hate Rory McIlroy. And goddammit I hate Brooks Koepka! I blame Tiger for him. Tiger made real athletes start playing golf as kids when they should be knocking each other out on the football field. Koepka should be a linebacker. Linebackers don’t have to do 15 minute press conferences every day because nobody wants to hear how confident they are. And no human being should be able to hit a golf ball 400 yards. I am a strong advocate of wooden rackets in tennis and wooden woods in golf (stay tuned for the article: I love/hate technology).

To answer my own question: I’m rooting for the fat guys. Patrick Reed won the Masters. I can get behind this guy. He is currently not speaking to his parents because they didn’t want him to get married to his hot wife. I always hated Phil Mickelson, being a Tiger guy. But they are friends now which means I can make room for both. Going into the tournament, I thought it would be cool for Reed to go back-to-back or for Mickelson to win his first Open and complete the career grand slam (see how cool that sounds? It means you’re better than anybody else who may have won four random tournaments that you haven’t won). Instead we got Koepka versus the most boring figure in sports since Pete Sampras: Dustin Johnson.

Let’s go back to the fat guys for a second. I think people like them because they’re fat. People love John Daly. I understand the struggle, having gained 30 pounds since being hit by a car. I’ve only been in shape once in my life and that was when I first became a mailman, when the shock of walking 15 miles a day took hold of my sub-30-year-old metabolism for two glorious years. But these guys are rich, on TV, and paid to play a sport! How are they fat?! Seriously. If I could pay for a chef and trainer, I would be Brad Pitt in Fight Club level ripped. I guess the answer is why do they need to bother, I mean they got hot women to marry them anyway. But if I were them, I would be motivated to get in shape because of the constant realization that these women only married me because I’m good at golf. 10s don’t marry 3s. It just doesn’t happen. But, like Annie says in Bull Durham, “this world wasn’t made for people cursed with self awareness”.

Dustin Johnson holed a bunker shot, to extend his lead in the U.S. Open, and tapped the sand out of his cleats and raised a hand to the crowd. How is this possible. How does someone put in all the work he must have put in to become this good at a sport, and show so little emotion? He’s like a giant squinty-eyed robot. The main reason I can’t root for him, and I can’t believe nobody talks about this, is that his huge package is always out there for the whole world to see. Now that I’ve mentioned this you won’t be able to look at him again and see anything else, so you’re welcome. He’s like seven feet tall and wears tight pants made out of some soft sweatpants-like material. It looks like a sack of potatoes, as in, more than one potato. If I were gifted in this way, I would not be able to hit golf balls all day. Talent is wasted on the wrong people, I swear to God.

Robots win the U.S. Open because if you have feelings, and creativity, the course eventually causes you to lose your shit. Most people lose it internally, and just keep shooting bogeys, then try not to blame the course in the post-round interview while deliberately blaming the course. Except Mickelson, of course, who swatted a moving ball that was about to run off the green. He is getting a ton of criticism for that, which naturally means I loved it, and I now like him that much more. I hate “respect for the game”. These guys need a philosophy coach. All they care about is par, and there’s no such thing as par. There is only what the other guy shoots. Zach Johnson clearly doesn’t understand what Einstein was talking about with Relativity, and that’s why he’ll never win the U.S. Open. 

Congrats to Brooks Koepka. I’m sure he celebrated with some standup sex, which I’ve never had the arm strength to pull off. Tough break for DJ, but at least his wife is happy. (Have you figured out what the thing I love most is yet?) Maybe he can win the PGA Championship, whatever the hell that is. A “major” is a “major” I guess. 

Maybe Tiger can try WWE? He did train with the Navy SEALs…

#IFTTT #Place to Be Nation