#i used him on an old blog then promptly forgot about him for some reason

[plum-pudding-everywhere]

Self Care? Don't Know Her - Komaeda x Reader

A/N: I FORGOT that I should probably post this here, but I wrote a fic so here it is ^^ I think I'm gonna try to get into writing again, and bring back this sad little wet bag of a blog

Synopsis on AO3: Komaeda thinks he doesn’t deserve to take care of himself. You promptly correct him and pamper him. General Fluffiness ensues!

Contains: Komaeda Nagito/Reader, Island Mode, No Use of Y/N, Gender Neutral Reader & No Pronouns Used, Fluff, Established Relationship, Food Mention

Word Count: 4,848

AO3 Link

Under the Cut! vv

“Eucgghh- I’m so stuffed,” you groan as you stumble through the door of your cottage gracelessly and discard your key somewhere on the nearby dresser with a clink. “Hanamura might be a weirdo but I can’t deny the deliciousness of his food.”

You briefly think back to the mouth watering meal that was enjoyed with your fellow classmates at the quaint little ocean restaurant, following the super cute library date with your boyfriend, Komaeda. It was a good day overall, one you’ll probably fantasize about later, but you’re absolutely pooped right now. Thankfully, Usami doesn’t have anything for you to do today.

The old worn out shoes that accompanied you when appearing on Jabberwock Island are swiftly kicked off by the door, and you drag yourself over to the bed in the middle of the room and flop down on your stomach in starfish position. Behind you there is a raspy chuckle.

“But of course,” Komaeda starts, “We are truly lucky to be able to enjoy the meals of the Ultimate Cook every day- despite my personal qualms with him.” You hum in agreement. The man behind you shuffles around a bit in the doorway, probably from taking off his long green coat, accompanied by the chain on his belt clinking faintly against a leg.

Komaeda’s choice of wardrobe is questionable to you sometimes, but that chain hanging from his hip is something you’d never think to complain about. Not only does it make you go a little feral internally (you wouldn’t dare tell him about that), but it serves as a great leash when desperately bumbling behind your lanky ass boyfriend who takes almost five-foot-long strides when walking. Many a time has that man left your ass in the dust because he’s just too determined to get where he’s going to slow down for you. You try not to mind though; you know how frenzied he gets if he misses out on something deemed important... Or some hot gossip… he’s crazy for that too.

You roll over onto your back as Komaeda shuts and locks the door before approaching your limp form on the bed. “Mhm…,” you grumble while breaking into a delicious stretch. “I don’t know how I’ll adapt to normal food after this…” Your eyes follow the tall man advancing on you.

It’s curious how Komaeda feels the need to lock the door every time he comes over- you trust your classmates enough- but you don’t bother to question his motives. You sit up slightly to get a better view as he comes to a stop in front of you. His pale face is contorted into that gentle closed-eyed smile that he always wears, and he seems to be in much better condition than you. You suppose you didn’t realize until now that he didn’t eat a lot at lunch. It’s probably best not to bring it up, as you don’t know for sure what the reason is. The last thing you want to do is upset him, and that’s probably the last thing that he needs.

He’s surprisingly fragile. No one is allowed to know that but you.

Sitting all the way up on the edge of the bed, you reach out to him and place your hands on his hips, trying to ignore how they protrude under the white shirt falling over his hips. The fist previously resting against his hip drops to the side as your thumbs begin to trace gentle circles over the cotton shirt. It’s painfully noticeable that the bones under your touch feel softer and more malleable than your own. You try to distract yourself.

“I had a good time hanging out with you, Nagito. We should go to the library more often. I wanna know what happens at the end of that book you were reading to me,” you say absently while continuing your ministrations.

The book in question was some sort of romance novel that had been left buried at the back of the shelf before you plucked it out and brought to your boyfriend to read, though admittedly you paid more attention to Komaeda’s low, soft voice than the silly love story he was narrating. And the way his shoulder made a perfect resting spot for your head while you sat cuddled next to him. Come to think of it, were you even awake throughout that whole thing? Oh, well.

Komaeda doesn’t respond for a few seconds.

“Ah… Yeah, so did I,” he pauses as he gazes down at the top of your head, “Thank you for spending time with me…. I can’t believe it…” Komaeda mutters out without his usual perkiness in a way that seems as if he’s somewhere entirely distant in mind. You wonder what that safe place in his head looks like.

Your own is seemingly painted with a wash of creams and greens these days.

“Of course. I’d spend every minute of my time with you if I could,” you affirm, hoping he will take the bait and avoid a spiral of degradation. With a loving sigh you coo, “Every minute.”

When you look up at Komaeda his gaze was already waiting to meet yours; Xanadu eyes bugged out slightly and pale lips parted. You adore how he gets when shown affection, like he’s afraid to miss even just the tiniest movement you make. The face that he makes is so lovable; He’s so cute with those wide observant eyes, and there isn’t a thing that he misses. Who knows why that’s so attractive to you.

An audible gulp, “I would be honored to have so much of your time be selfishly taken by me, but even one minute would satisfy me for the rest of my miserable days. I’d hold onto it forever and cherish it without end,” he smiles, a real genuine smile that reaches to the corners of the eyes, “I would hope that I won’t have to do that, though.”

“I promise I’ll make sure that you don’t,” you laugh brightly and take his cold hand into yours. Komaeda mirrors you with a small wheezing chuckle and lifts the entwined hands to his lips to place a small kiss onto your knuckles. Ever the gentleman.

“I don’t know why you like me that much, but I won’t complain… Right now,” he says, and his eyes narrow and a cheeky smirk dances across his lips. You roll your eyes at the sight.

“Sure, Jan,” you quip and turn your head up and away from him to serve some sick side eye. You learned from the best. It’s uncountable how many times he’s given you that look when he’s grumpy.

“Huh?”

“Nothing,” you giggle, leaning into him.

The musky aroma of Komaeda’s cologne floats up into your face and you breathe it in with a dreamy sigh. Since strangely appearing upon this island, that scent has quickly become a favorite. And the best sight on the ocean paradise isn’t even the island itself, cause that’s definitely him, too.

It’s hard to not to study Komaeda’s face when around him. It’s just so interesting; He looks somehow soft but sharp at the same time, low and round cheekbones but slightly sunken cheeks and a cut jaw, long pointed nose but incredibly soft lips. And his big observant eyes: their color is so mesmerizing, and you adore the dark circles under them. It calms you just looking into his eyes, but sometimes something frightening appears behind them that makes you feel... strange… but maybe a little excited, too.

Suddenly, you’re compelled to kiss him and so your hands begin to snake up his long torso toward his neck. The pale boy is pulled closer to you with your arms loosely draped around him, and you invite him to meet you in the middle. Forgetting your previous comment entirely, Komaeda grunts with a little surprise, as the tops of his cheeks flush subtly and long pale eyelashes flutter closed. One of your hands sneaks back around to rest gently against the sharp edges of his face while the other makes its way into a mess of pale hair. Connecting lips, you fight the small smile that ghosts across your face. The man absolutely melts under your touch, and as you pull away his lips slide into a grin that shows his pristine white teeth. A rare sight indeed.

“Hnn…” His usually husky voice borders on a whine as he mewls, “I’m always convinced that every time you kiss me like that someone I know will die a horrible death, or I’ll get struck down by Zeus himself. It’s a miracle that I’m even here with you right now.” A dry chuckle. Still, his large eyes seem nervous. You give him a thoughtful look.

“Well, nothing’s happened so far, right?” You muse as your fingers begin to travel through the pale unruly strands of hair at the base of his neck. It isn’t an easy task it seems; the fragile strands seem to like you and want you to stay. You gently pluck the knots away from your hand.

“No I supp- ouch- I guess not,” Komaeda reaches for your hand with a grumble. His long pointed nose is scrunched adorably. You kiss it.

“I’m sorry love, I didn’t mean to hurt you- uh- damn,” you snort as you fight terribly to release your hand from his hair. You gasp, “Nagito, When was the last time you brushed your hair??” You finally manage to free your fingers from their trap and stare up at your boyfriend with wide eyes and a furrowed brow. He mimics your expression absentmindedly as he moves to sit next to you on the bed. Admittedly, you had yet to learn about Komaeda’s personal hygiene rituals as you hadn’t ever really paid attention. Any time that you’d stayed the night at his cottage you had left while he showered to get ready at your own. Maybe you should have made sure he was taking care of himself right. Between that, and not noticing how little he had eaten at lunch, you feel a little guilty.

“Ah…” The man in question places his fist under his chin and looks off to the side as he thinks a little too hard about the question. You can’t help your jaw from dropping a bit. Why’s this man thinking so damn hard about this. “Hmmm… I guess I don’t remember. I don’t really touch it after it’s clean, so I figured it doesn’t matter.” He shrugs his shoulders and looks back to you with his signature smile.

“…Babe. You gotta do that. And-” you reach toward him once again and gently caress his head for further inspection, making sure not to dig in with your fingers this time. It’s very dry and brittle feeling, but you just chalked that up to his illness previously. “-What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use ??”

He’s quiet for a moment; Though he’s just taking in the affection you’re giving him with an expression that teeters close to euphoria. You carefully pull your hand back, seeming to snap him out of his trance, and he once again thinks about the question. Another loose shrug.

“Eh, I just use soap.”

“…”

“Soap.”

“Yes. Why? Is that a problem?” Komaeda turns so that he’s facing you completely, with eyes looking worried despite his smile. “You’re not upset with me, are you?” he asks.

“No! No- No, “ you stutter and shake your hands and head frantically. “It’s just. That’s- It’s-“ Careful wording, you think.

Komaeda tilts his head.

“…That’s just really not good for your hair… like at all,” you finally manage. You place your hand on his knee in an attempt to soothe whatever wound you might unknowingly be opening right now; it’s hard to know with him. But it will be a cold day in hell before you allow this man to get away with treating himself like that. Komaeda looks down at the point of contact before glancing back up.

“Of course it’s not. But that doesn’t really matter for someone like me,” he titters behind his hand, “What, are you really going to suggest that trash like me should be treated to that kind of care?” Komaeda seems genuinely tickled by your worry for him. You’re bewildered.

Excitedly, you blurt out, “Yes, actually! That’s just basic self-care. You have the resources and you should use them!” You sigh, “You don’t deserve to neglect yourself like that. Hygiene wise or health wise.” One of your hands moves to grab his and you squeeze gently, pulling it closer and resting it over your heart. Now he’s the one to look taken back. Somehow, even though you hammer this idea into his head constantly.

“Hmm, you’re so thoughtful,” he says breathlessly as he seems to almost swoon from your passionate outburst. His free hand comes up to join its brother locked in your own. He smiles even harder, to the point where you worry for his lips splitting, and chirps, “I know you’re just trying to be kind to me, but it’s nice to imagine that you’re being serious.”

You groan and laugh out, “I’m gonna absolutely body you right now. You know that I’m being serious. Don’t act like that, please.” You lean close and place a chaste kiss on his cheek in yet another attempt to let him know that you aren’t trying to be harsh. If there’s one thing you’ve learned about Komaeda throughout your time knowing him on this island, it’s that patience is integral and something you definitely need to work on. But you try, because you sure like this guy a whole lot.

The pale man scoffs and cuts his eyes as you pull away, with an expression akin to that of an angry kitten. He huffs, “Aha, if you care so much, why don’t you do it?” Despite obviously not liking being called out like that, he makes no move to take his hands away.

“Okay.”

Your prior state of food-induced laziness suddenly dissipates as you hop up from the bed, pulling up a very confused Komaeda before tugging him toward the bathroom. The poor man stumbles a little as he’s torn out of his seat.

“U-uh, What are you doing?” He stutters out as he attempts to right himself and keep up with you. You release him in the entrance to the bathroom and move to grab both a comb from the sink cabinet and a clean towel from the hanging rack. Komaeda leans a shoulder against the doorframe and watches you with interest.

“I’m doing it myself. You said I could, right?” You smile sweetly at him before turning away again and reaching for the water valve in the bathtub; You figure this task will be easier as a bath than a shower. Regardless, you’re determined to show this man the pampering of a lifetime, preferably before he tries to make it difficult. There might even be some candles lying around somewhere from a previous shopping spree you made at RocketPunch Market. And, you could bust out the bubbles. Oh yeah, that would be good. A strangled little noise escapes the man behind you.

“Um, angel, I appreciate the gesture b-but I wasn’t being serious,” Komaeda says with a jittery laugh and brings his hands up apologetically, as if trying to calm a wild animal. His weight is shifted awkwardly between his feet.

After testing the temperature of the running water with your fingers and deciding it’s warm enough for him (Komaeda’s cold-natured as heck), you turn back and pad into your room to look for some candles. When he notices you are really serious he looks rather embarrassed. You attempt to soothe him.

“I know, but I was serious about you not deserving to be neglected in the way you have been.” You find two of your favorite candles in a drawer by the bookshelf and hold them both up for your lover to see. “Which do you prefer: French Lavender or,” you check the label again, “Amber and Sandalwood?”

“…Amber and Sandalwood- But Angel, you really don’t have to do this. I don’t need to be cared for like that at all!” He wheezes out before adding, “And I’m an adult and can bathe myself just fine.” Two long arms wrap around his quivering body and begin scratching at themselves subconsciously, while he continuing to stare you down with nervous eyes. You wonder sometimes if his eyes ever get tired from the constant gaping they do; the man blinks once every lifetime.

Humming in satisfaction you place the Lavender candle back in the drawer before advancing toward Komaeda with the chosen one. You place it on the sink counter with a clink, before gently pulling his hands away to stop the scratching and look up into unblinking grey eyes. You speak softly, “I just want to take care of you, Nagito. Nothing bad is going to happen. I want to do this for you because I love you and want you to know what it’s like to be cared for. If you hate it, then you can go back to doing what you’ve been doing.” You pause and tilt your head with a smile. “Is that fair?”

“Ah… I suppose… If you really want to. Honestly, I could never dream of turning down an opportunity for that kind of attention from you.” Pink lips turn upward nervously, but the smile actually reaches his eyes this time. You figure his response is the closest you’re gonna get to hearing that he would actually love it. But you know Komaeda, and know he’s always quietly begging for any kind of affection he can get; Offering to bathe him is like the grand poobah of all personal attention.

“I’ll be very careful, promise.” You rest your hands on his hips once more.

Komaeda manages to work up the courage to reach out for your face and cup your cheeks with large thin hands, while leaning in subtly. He’s asking for a kiss, but won’t just take it without knowing if you want it; You meet him in the middle once again. And once again, neither of you can contain your grins. Your partner takes the chance to place a few more kisses on your cheeks and jaw all while you giggle along.

To Komaeda’s dismay, you eventually peel yourself out of his grip in order to check on the state of the bath; he trails closely behind. The water line is high enough, so you close the tap and reach back for the candle that was found in the drawer. A slender hand suddenly appears in your peripheral vision holding out a box of matches; you thank him as you take it. You’re not gonna ask why he already had that. You strike the match against the side of the box and attempt to light the candle without singing your finger; easier said than done.

As you’re sucking on a burnt finger and hopping erratically between your feet, Komaeda reaches around you to light the candle himself before clearing his throat. “So, uh. Should I take my clothes off now?” He’s cheesing again when you look back to him. You laugh.

“Well I don’t see a better time to than now. Unless you just want to dunk your head over in here,” you say.

“Right.” The man mirrors your laugh and reaches for his belt buckle. Surprisingly, he doesn’t seem that nervous about undressing in front of you. Though, you’ve heard from Hinata that Komaeda didn’t seem too against stripping around him either. You didn’t question any further about what had happened there, honestly. You didn’t want to know, and also. You love your whore wife.

Fully undressed, Komaeda brushes past you and steps carefully into the tub. You hold his arm for support because it’s well known that the poor guy is prone to accidents, and it would be preferable to not get soaked right now, or have to call for Tsumiki to tend to your injured and naked boyfriend. The two of them together would likely end in an even bigger disaster. Komaeda sits down obediently in the warm water, and you move to crouch next to the tub.

“Alright. I think it’s best to wet it first and then use conditioner to help knock out those knots. Then after that’s done we’ll wash it,” you say as you pet the top of his head. You lean over to look him in the eyes and chirp, “Is that alright with you, Nagito?”

“Whatever you say, angel. Please refrain from intentionally hurting me though, if that’s okay,” he says as casual as ever. You scoff and poke his nose with an index finger.

“I’d never hurt you on purpose, stinky. I’ll do my best to make this easy for both of us.” His nose scrunches up at the petname you’ve just graced him with, and you begin to wet his hair with the cup that’s kept in the corner of the shower, while making sure not to accidentally drown him. His hair is a lot longer when it’s wet; the longest strawberry blond ends reach down past his collar bone.

Once the pale mess of hair is properly wet you grab your nice conditioner from the shower rack and squeeze out a sizable glob into your palm. You hold your hand out to him for a sniff test; it’s grapefruit scented. He seems to either not care or is too scared to tell you he hates it, so you just continue working anyway. With your free hand you gently separate his hair into sections to the best of your ability, and work the conditioner evenly into each of them. Komaeda grunts a little as this is happening, but he doesn’t bother to say anything aside from asking you if he should help, to which you declined. This is your mission.

Grabbing the comb you notice that your boyfriend is watching closely with furrowed brows and tight lips. Presumably, he’s worried about the comb hurting, so you reassure him, “It won’t be too bad, I promise. You’ll feel much better after.” You rub his freckled shoulder lovingly. He sighs and turns his head fully toward you.

“No, that’s not it. I was just thinking about how lucky I am to even be here,” he chuckles, “I never thought I’d be in a situation like this with someone caring about me this way. Especially not here. I thought I would die on this island.” God, he says the most disturbing stuff so nonchalantly. You don’t want to think about that at all.

You whine out, “I know you did. But that’s not going to happen, alright? I’d fight God before I let that happen, seriously...” Komaeda laughs through his nose and kisses your arm hanging over the edge of the tub.

“I believe you would,” he quips, amused, before going back to sitting silently.

Getting the flimsy plastic comb through the ends of Komaeda’s hair goes fairly smoothly at first. You make sure to tightly grip the fragile sections of hair near the base as to not yank it out while picking apart the tangles; a lot of fallout was almost guaranteed with him, you suppose, but you still try your best to keep it to a minimum.

The combing of the rest of the length is an entirely different story, though, and you’re met with some extra resistance. Still, your well mannered (for now) boyfriend continues to say nothing, aside from the occasional grunt, and instead sits completely still with closed eyes and a small smile. He gets bored quickly though, and resorts to entertaining himself with the bubbles you’ve provided, cupping them and letting them plop back down on the water with a splat.

Cute.

“Yessss. I think that’s all of them,” you say, relieved that you haven’t stripped him bald before this point. The comb now slides easily through the conditioned locks of hair. You brush all of it back and out of his face.

“Yay, you did it. I believed in you all the way. Thank you, angel,” Komaeda says cheerfully and applauds you, subsequently squashing some bubbles in his hands that fly out and land into the candle, extinguishing it, as well as onto your clothes.

You both stare at the damage for a second before he moves to wipe the ones on your shirt away, yet soaking the garment more in the process.

“It’s- It’s okay just leave it there,” you say with a tired laugh. He’s very determined. You remove his hands gently and place them back in the tub; Getting him to stop anything he’s set on doing is like herding cats. Komaeda wheezes loudly and rocks in place, with teeth glinting from the light in your bedroom.

At least it seems like he’s enjoying himself.

“Okay, let’s wash now and then I’ll be done,” you say and reach for the cup to rinse his hair out before using your nice shampoo and conditioner.

A gently as possible, you knead the shampoo into his probably sore scalp with delicate fingers, giving him the scritch of a lifetime. The facial expression that you earn from your boyfriend with this task is enough to make you wanna fight god; Complete bliss. Komaeda goes almost limp under the magic you’re working with your fingernails, and its concerning for a minute that you might have to catch him when he inevitably flops over. Man’s seriously teetering over into dreamland. You’ll remember that he likes this for later.

The puddle of a man under you purrs, husky voice dipping low in his chest. “Mmm… That feels nice.” His head droops forward and down toward his lap.

“Uh, hey, don’t fall asleep on me,” you jump, pulling him up by the shoulders before his head drops into the water. “Please do not send yourself off to Davy Jone’s locker.” The man in question sits up again with a grunt but continues to lean into your touch; He’s definitely sleepy now. You decide that since Komaeda’s about to knock out cold anyway, you’ll finish the task at a normal pace instead of drawing it out for his pleasure.

Unstopping the bathtub, you allow the water to drain and reach out for the sitting man’s hand to assist him in standing up. Then you grab the plush towel from the counter and hand it to Komaeda to use while you squeeze the excess water from his hair. Once the soft mass is no longer dripping wet, you attempt to situate the hair into a position similar to how he usually keeps it. The usual shape his hair stays in is a bit… stiff, and the ends always reminded you of flames jumping off of his head, but now that the hair is nicely moisturized and neat it sits looser and the natural waves are much more noticeable.

“You’re sooo pretty with it like that, Nagito.” You swoon and dramatically hold your hands to your heart, hopping in place. Your lover chuckles at the comment and scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. You reach up to give him a kiss on the nose.

“T-thanks. It feels nicer.” The blushing man says as he threads his long fingers through the strawberry locks resting near his neck. He seems like he genuinely means it; Expression looking awestruck. “Man… I’m so lucky- I don’t know what I did to have someone so hopeful walk into my worthless life, but I’m sorry that you have to waste your time on me.” A pause with a shaky wheeze. “I’ll find a way to make it up to you, my hope. Name anything you’d like; I’d devote my entire life to worshipping at your feet if you asked.” An apologetic smile accompanies Komaeda’s shy expression as he fiddles with the towel wrapped around his waist. It almost looks like he is about to drop down to your feet before you begin to speak and he halts.

“Don’t you say that. I enjoy all of my time with you, so there’s no need for you to make up anything to me... I’m just happy that you let me take care of you… I know you say you don’t really like being babied,” you say, earning an embarrassed look from him.

“Well… Maybe I’ve changed my mind,” Komaeda mumbles and steps closer, with his hands itching to reach out for you.

You laugh and take them into your own smaller ones. “Let’s get you some clothes before you freeze up, okay?” you say.

“Okay.” He smiles all the way up to his eyes and kisses your hands softly, as a thanks for your attention. He’ll definitely do something big to make this up to you, he decides. Will that plan turn into a major disaster? Maybe, after how lucky he was to earn this kind of treatment from you. Either way, Komaeda knows that he’s finally hit a jackpot he actually cares about.

Komaeda slept like a rock that night.

#nagito komaeda x reader #nagito x reader #komaeda nagito x reader #komaeda x reader #danganronpa x reader #cringefail ass man #me too #im planning to write something with hinata next ^^ #mywriting #bees.writing #x reader #plums.writing

[walks-the-ages]

I absolutely love all the Quantum Leap blogs I follow because the complete and utter radio silence on the 2022 reboot really speaks volumes considering how much speculation was on my dash before it aired.

As someone who finally remembered it's existence and watched the whole season*, I can genuinely tell all original Quantum Leap fans:

Do not bother watching this show

It literally exists to try and make a profit off the nostalgia of the title alone, because it is shallower than a drop of water in the desert and they're trying to make up for their lack of interesting Leaps by filling the runtime with office drama in the present day that no one cares about and doesn't mean anything.

They're telling us all these things about Ben that mean absolutely nothing because it doesn't change anything, he already Leaped, and no I don't particularly care about why, even after the little "cliffhanger reveal" in Episode 8.

I was watching this show because I care about Sam Beckett and Al Calavicci.

Al was summarily killed off in the first or second episode by having them mention he'd passed away a few years ago, and while you could be generous and say it's because they didn't want anyone that wasn't Dean Stockwell playing Al.... You don't have to have a character on-screen to have them exist in your story.

Al could have been a character whose just always left the room to go attend one of his grandkids pride events.

He could be on the other end of an important phone call.

He could be the random old guy that sneaks in at night and talks with Ziggy but they've never been able to catch him because he always knows how to disable all their security measures and Ziggy refuses to tell them.

(They're secretly plotting to actually get Sam and Ben back while everyone else is just caught up in their conspiracy theories, Janis helps by sending them all on a wild goose chase so Ziggy has actual time to put her processing power to work)

But yeah. Al's been killed off for literally no reason except for bad writing, his daughter is an antagonist for no reason except bad writing, and I genuinely do not care about literally any of these characters because so far they haven't done anything memorable. Ben gets kudos for actually helping people but that's negated a bunch by him being extremely shallow of a character AND the mouthpiece for "you must forgive your abusers!!!!!" The writers are using this show to preach.

Oh and did I mention everyone promptly forgot that Sam Beckett exists and that Ben was trying to find him? So much so that when he runs into another Leaper who warns him to stop following because it's dangerous, literally every single character jumps to the conclusion that it's ... Janis. Al's Antagonist Daughter, threatening Ben, instead of the obvious conclusion of

Hello???? It's literally Sam fucking Beckett trying to warn Ben he should be focused on getting home, back to his life, instead of continuing to try and find Sam?? That Sam's trying to save him from getting trapped in the Leaps like he was??? And the show unironically took it as a threat from some unknown villain instead, and wholly expects the audience to take that conclusion at face value?

Like. Yeah, don't watch Quantum Leap 2022 if you loved the original, if you want to know what happened to Sam and Al.

Al's been summarily killed off, his wife Beth has existed for maybe 3 scenes, and his daughter is randomly an antagonist who drugs her own mother into unconsciousness to show how evil she is lol.

Sam Beckett exists as a footnote and is summarily forgotten by all the new characters.

Ziggy doesn't exist and is now just a generic computer they call "it" (instead of she/her OR he/him) and is not a character at all

Oh, and Ian Wright the nonbinary character everyone was hyping up? Just exists to be the shallow, quirky, quipping one-liner joke-maker of the episode, wearing cat ears at work, making jokes about magic mushrooms and somehow generating views for the show because apparently Mason Alexander has a cult following of people who literally just follow their work and refer to them on a first name basis and...

... I've just blocked all those people already from the tag because it's genuinely creepy how deeply these people are in a parasocial relationship with the actor. Like genuinely looking for RPF things and obsessing over them and referring to them only by their first name and just.... No. Hell no.

But yeah, the funny thing is if you go into the Quantum Leap 2022 tag and block all the Mason Park stalkers the content of the tag is just reduced by like 90%

So uh. That tells you a lot about how little substance Quantum Leap 2022 has. Most of the posts are from me and my twin liveblogging it lol.

-----update:

* I guess they're splitting the season into 2 parts because the IMBD says the next episode is in January 2023 with more episodes after that for a total of 18 episodes in the first season but uh. Too fucking bad for them I'm not wasting my time on this bag of hot air. I'm sticking a pin in it and going back to my little original show rewrite and post canon fun/angst.

#Quantum Leap #Quantum Leap 2022 #ql #ql2022 #Quantum Leap 2 #quantum leap 2 electric boogaloo #its crap ! its boring! its shallow! it doesnt care! #long post #bold text

[aspenflower17]

Finding You (Part Nine of ??)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone (even if you don’t live in the US)! Here is the update for this week :) This chapter was a little self indulgent. I do talk a tiny bit about music theory and Jane Austen in this chapter. If you have questions about either, just ask and I can try to explain/direct you to some good sources on what I’m talking about 😅 

Edit: Totally forgot to mention! The whole Pride and Prejudice HC about Lucifer is not originally mine. I believe I read it on one of the Beel blogs. I think it was @taco-beel :)

For anyone new, here is the link for Part One. I hope you enjoy 😁 

Tags for the Lovelies:  @simpingforsatan @naimena @hachimochi @wrathandgreed @magi-minminxiii @rensphilia @a-dream-at-night @chloelikesobeyme @getbehindme-satan (If you’d like to be added to the tags list, just message me or comment below!)

Satan/ F!Mc

Trigger Warnings: possibly for depression?

Word Count: 2,322

After Mc shut the door, she slid down the door to the floor, head in her hands. Well, that couldn’t have gone worse. I would’ve rather had him ignore me or not remember me at all. I could’ve figured out how to interact with him in those situations. But what was with him being sweet in the beginning, and then just seizing up? Then he grabbed my wrist and seemed super worried about me leaving and then didn’t even say anything the whole walk?! That goodbye too! What was that?! 

The more Mc thought about the whole thing, the more upset she got. She leaned her head back against the door, her brain replaying the beginning of the conversation trying to figure out what had gone wrong. Remembering the look in his eyes as he had fervently declared he remembered her. The warmth of his voice.

Then the progressive unease as she had continued talking until the abrupt emotional cutoff. He had obviously been uninterested in talking with her any longer, though she really couldn’t figure out why. He had been so dismissive. But when I tried to leave… She looked down to the wrist he had grabbed. He sounded so… desperate. Like he truly didn’t want to let me leave. So, why didn’t he talk to me?

“Mc? Are you alright?” Michael asked, stepping into the entrance hall with Diavolo.

“I’m… I’m fine. Diavolo, do you have a music room?” Mc asked, standing up as nonchalantly as she could.

“Yes, of course.”

“Do you have a piano, or similar instrument?”

“Yes…”

“May I use it for the rest of the day? I need to compose.”

“I… Sure. I’ll have Lil’ D No. 2 show you the way,” and as he said that, a small demon appeared and beckoned her forward, and she promptly followed.

“Oh dear,” Michael sighed, eyes following Mc.

“What’s wrong,” Diavolo asked, thoroughly confused by the whole encounter.

“She is definitely not alright. She can only compose when she’s really emotional about something.”

“I… Wait, is she going to let us hear it when she’s done?” Diavolo asked, eyes lighting up.

Mc sat down at the piano. It was an almost pure black grand, and the key colors were reversed, which was messing with her brain visually. The piano bench lid was made from a beautiful dark red wood, the rest the same black as the rest of the piano. The piano did not look worn, but it was obviously old. 

Mc started playing her normal warm up scales, but quickly stopped when she realized they didn’t sound right. She tried again with the same result. It’s in minor…

Trying out all the keys, she realized the whole piano was in minor. You could play major chords, but it was like making minor chords on a normal piano. Interesting.

Mc continued playing and getting warmed up, wanting to explore the amazing opportunity that had presented itself. She started playing some of her own creations, marveling at how different her songs sounded. As she was playing, she remembered a song she had abandoned a long time ago. Though it should have sounded correct, she had never been able to make it sound correct. I wonder…

She started playing the song, and was amazed to find just how perfect it sounded. It was the same song, but it now sounded perfect. Encouraged, Mc tried to continue composing, but she couldn’t get past where she had already composed, no matter how much she worked on it. Discouraged and a little frustrated, Mc look at her DDD and was surprised to see it was almost time for dinner.

Standing up, she promised herself she’d come back later, and work on it more.

“I’ve decided to throw a ball in Mc’s honor!”

Michael and Mc looked up from their dinner at the proclamation from Diavolo. Luke seemed unphased by the announcement.

“A ball? In my honor?”

“Yes! You’re my honored guest after all.”

“He also loves throwing balls,” Luke added.

“Also that,” Diavolo admitted.

“Well, I’d be honored. Thank you.”

“Perfect! It’ll be held a week from today. Barbados! Make sure invitations are sent and food is ready.”

“Yes sir,” Mc jumped, not realizing Barbados was in the room, turning around to see him exit. She was starting to notice the butler seemed to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

“Is a week too fast?” Mc asked worriedly.

“Nonsense! This is a lot more notice than I usually give if I’m going to be honest,” Diavolo laughed.

“For a whole ball to be planned?”

“Yes! Barbados is one hell of a butler,” Diavolo grinned over his teacup, before taking a sip.

Mc sat in her room and mused over the events of the day. Now that she had calmed down enough to think rationally, she started analyzing Satan’s behavior, and found she really couldn’t make sense of it. Unless he thought I was someone else… Wait. That makes a lot of sense actually. Like not a ton of sense, because he should have realized I wasn’t them before I started talking about meeting him before, but more than anything else I can think of. He may have also been a little… unhinged. He did look like he hadn’t slept in three days…

Satisfied enough that her brain could rest, she snuggled down into her blankets. Every time she closed her eyes however, all she saw was Satan’s face as he had grabbed her wrist. She brought her other hand up to her wrist and grabbed it. Now smiling, she drifted off to sleep.

Mc snorted, shifting a bit as she read. The bed was comfortable, the scent of its owner making her feel safe and comforted. Classes had been long and when the demon that sat behind her had gotten up, they had accidentally hit her in the head with their bag pretty hard, which had made Mammon nearly kill them. She had narrowly saved their life by assuring him it had been an accident and somehow calming her guardian demon down. This then had resulted in her being called into talk with Lucifer about what had happened, and so she had missed her Devildom History course.

She had come to Satan’s room to grab the notes he had thoughtfully taken for her, but when he saw how worn out she was, he had offered a quiet evening of reading and tea. She hadn’t been able to refuse, seeing as how she relished anytime she could get with him. The scent of old books and their caretaker was a surefire way to help her unwind from the day, the stacks of books throughout the room making her feel like they were in their own little world. The outside world glittered in the perpetual darkness through Satan’s large windows.

“What’s so amusing?” Satan asked from the armchair he had moved over by his bed once their reading sessions became a normal occurrence.

“‘We all know him to be a proud, unpleasant sort of man; but this would be nothing if you really liked him’” Mc quoted.

“Ah! ‘You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.’” Satan said, a cheeky grin on his face.

Mc’s brain stopped functioning for a second, “Wai… Wha…?”

“Pride and Prejudice right?”

“Oh, hehe, right,” Mc laughed, trying to hide behind her book as best she could as all the blood rushed to her face, “It’s a good quote.”

“You know, when it came out, there was a rumor going around that Mr. Darcy was based off of Lucifer.”

“Wait… You’re joking.”

“No. He had been spending a lot of time in the human realm. Sometimes we wouldn’t see him for weeks at a time. Then, he just stopped going up as much. About a year later, Pride and Prejudice was released. After the rumor started, Lucifer would not allow it in the house for the longest time. He even went so far as to ask Diavolo not to allow it in the Devildom at all.”

Satan had Mc’s full attention at this point, “What was his excuse?”

“Something about a stupid romance novel ruining his reputation, and how we needed to be the voice of reason for the lower demons if they were going to allow themselves to be so easily swayed to believe the nonsense.”

“You had a copy though, right?”

“Oh, of course I did. I still do actually. First edition. I even went up to the human realm to get it.”

“Wow… That explains so much though. Lucifer is like the epitome of Mr. Darcy.”

Satan shifted in his chair, and looked down at his book, “You think so?”

“Yeah. Tall, dark, handsome,” Mc watched as Satan sunk a bit lower in his chair at each word, seeming to get fairly upset, “Standoffish. Rude. Conceitful. Overbearing.”

“Ah, so you’re not a fan of Mr. Darcy?”

“Hmmm… I wouldn’t say that. He is her most popular leading man for a reason. But…”

“But?” Satan was looking at her now, his eyes probably larger and more insistent than he meant them to be. 

“He’s far too prideful in the beginning for me. We probably wouldn’t have gotten anywhere,” Mc watched Satan relax visibly before continuing, “While I enjoy Pride and Prejudice, I’d rather read Sense and Sensibility or Northanger Abbey. I would rather have a Mr. Tilney or possibly even a Colonel Brandon. Someone who I could sit and make jokes with. Someone who would read to me. Someone I could go on adventures with and who could tell me all about this or that because they’re so well read,” Mc was looking down at the cover of the book now, and she could tell her face was heating up, “I’d much rather have someone like that.”

There was silence after Mc stopped talking, and she dared not look up. She’d basically just confessed to Satan, and she hadn’t even meant to. She kinda hoped her words went over his head, but also hoped they didn’t. The silence stretched longer than Mc would’ve liked before the bed shifted.

There was another few moments of silence before Satan spoke, a bit haltingly, “Mc, will you look at me? Please?”

Mc lifted her eyes shyly looking a little sheepish. She only had a moment of Satan’s shocked look before there was a flash of gold and his lips were on hers. She was so shocked she couldn’t respond for a second, but then she returned the kiss, melting as her body was on fire. Completely focused on the moment while soaring through the clouds. Perfect. It was perfect.

Mc came back to consciousness, her alarm playing soft piano music. She reached out her arms grasping. Searching. Coming up empty, she cracked an eye open, disappointment flooding her body when all she saw was her own arms. Her vision blurred as a strong wave of loneliness washed over her. She blinked a couple times to clear away her tears, feeling them slide down her face. She had had mornings like this in the Celestial Realm, though this was the first time she had remembered the dream that preceded it. She hadn’t really felt lonely since coming to the Devildom, and hadn’t registered it. Now though, it felt debilitating. She sent a text to Luke explaining she probably wouldn’t be down for breakfast and asking him to apologize to everyone for her. She then turned on some soft music, and dropped her DDD on the bed.

She lay quietly, the tears falling openly. This is what she had to do those terrible mornings in the Celestial Realm when she felt like she couldn’t face the day. Eventually her tears gave out, and she was left with an apathetic empty feeling. She continued laying in bed, not remembering a bout this bad in any recent history. After a while, she drifted off to sleep again.

“Hey. You awake?”

Mc groaned, sore from not moving in awhile, “Is that you Luke?”

“Yeah. I got a bit worried when you also missed lunch. You okay?”

“I think I’m okay now. I just got a bit too upset this morning.”

“Are you sure? I can tell Michael you’re caught up in an artistic frenzy or something.”

“Nah. Thanks though,” Mc smiled, still sleepy.

“Okay. As long as you're okay,” Luke was looking at her worriedly, but leaning down and kissing her forehead anyways, “I’ll make sure some lunch gets saved for you.”

“Thanks Luke,” Mc sighed, sitting up.

“Anything for my little sister.”

Over the next week, Mc continued trying to work on her song, though she didn’t get any further, along with her other art. She also read all about the Devildom’s history and visited some historically significant locations to put a name to a place. The whole time, her mind worked on the enigma that was her dream. She supposed it was a product of her brain trying to work through the disappointment of how her first meeting with Satan went, along with how active she had been since coming down to the Devildom. She tried to convince herself of this anyways. The truth was, it felt exactly like she was reliving a memory. It felt real, and nothing about it had been weird, all details clear, nothing out of place. It even felt familiar, she’d even go so far as to say worn, like some of her favorite memories did.

She blushed even thinking about the dream, clearly recalling the warmth and softness of his lips. The feeling of his hand on the back of her neck....

“Mc, are you almost ready,” Luke called from the other side of the door.

“Give me a couple more minutes. I’ll be down soon.”

“Okay. The guests are starting to arrive.”

“Sounds good. Thanks for letting me know,” Mc took one last look at herself in the mirror before nodding and getting up, “Let’s do this.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading! Like, comments and reblogs are appreciated! I love discussing Obey Me so feel free to chat with me 😁

Part Ten

#obey me! #OBEY ME #obey me satan #obey me satan/reader #obey me! swd #obey me f!mc #obey me luke #obey me diavolo #obey me michael #obey me mc

[popculturebuffet]

The Lion King Review and Analysis “Happy Birthday Kevin!”

Hello all you happy people! Today’s review is a special gift in honor of a special friend who without whom this blog woudln’t be making nearly as content and two of my best retrospectives, The Three Cablleros and Lena Retrospectives, wouldn’t even exist. 

Of course i’m talking about @weirdkev27, one of my patrons on patreon, and a guy who goes out of his way to comission reviews from me on a weekly basis, sometims more than once. It’s thanks to him i’ve been able to sorta make a living of this and trying to not put my ENTIRE finacial well being on his back is the reason i’m currently doing a patreon membership drive. For a buck a month you get exclusive reviews, to pick a short when I review a bunch of them for disney and looney tunes character brithdays, and if you bump up to five you get a review a month of any episode of any show. And with the membership going right now I have stretch goals to hit to unlock reviews for everybody so go join up RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. 

But i’m not bringing this up just to plug myself: I genuinely appricate Kev, and he’s been a wonderful creative partner not only having REALLY great ideas for retrospectives (After the current Ducktales one we have Wallace and Gromit and The Evil Dead a coming so you can thank him for those), but also being respectful, asking what my pricing models are, making sure I get paid fairly, paying me promptly... he’s a really good dude is what i’m saying. 

So when he asked to comission something for his birthday I gave it to him for free because he’s given me such good business and when he asked the limit on that and then explained he wanted me to review the original lion king, and CLEARLY would back down if I asked him to... I said sure. 

I had not seen this film in well over a decade and frankly that was a clear “shame on me moment” for not doing so for so long. See this is a nice contrast to my LAST look at a classic Disney Movie that was popular with my generation, A Goofy Movie. That one I ended up loving but didn’t really remember well from childhood as the hot tub and principal call scenes really scared the crap out of me and made me not like what was honestly an utterly masterful flim. 

Lion King on the otherhand? I remmebered beat for beat. I forgot some things sure, my memory is crap a lot of the time and what it retains is a roulette wheel spin I take every day so it’s not a suprise, but the general plot, the lyrics to the songs.. it was all burned into my brain  depsite again, not having watched this film in god knows how long. I have warm memories of watching this film at my Grandma’s on her old VCR, using the rewinder, and yes there was a device JUST for rewinding tapes, to spin it back after. And granted I sound old as hell saying all this and I don’t care. This film was firmly part of my childhood alongside Aladdin (My personal faviorite disney film as a kid), The Little Rascals (My faviorite film period as a kid) and Problem Child. Rewatching it made me feel like a kid again and reminded me how much I used to love this film while making me fall in love with lit all over again. So obviously this reviews going ot be pretty gushing, i’m not going to hide that nor is childhood nostaliga going to prevent me from picking apart it’s few flaws. 

So yeah this was a pleasure so thank you Kev.. and a happiest birthday to you dear friend I look forward to working with you for years to come. So join me under the cut as I pick apart Disney’s masterpiece won’t you?

As a note I watched this film last night with my good friend @jess-the-vampire. The two of us have a weekly movie night on Tuesdays and weds days on her days off. Granted sometimes we just binge shows (it’s how she got caught up on Amphibia and how I got her into Tuca and Bertie), but lately we’ve mostly been focusing on watching through all the direct to video scooby doo movies. It’s a trip and it’s given me PLENTY of things to review good, bad and “Fred mourning the mystery machine like it’s his dead wife and he most certainly made love to it”. That’s not even me joking the film has him call it baby and say “I know every sound it makes”. Fred had consensual sex with a van and I still don’t know how to properly deal with it. Point is she was fine with watching this and as happens with my star vs and owl house reviews provided valuable insight in a place or two. And the best chapter heading i’ve ever had. Okay now tha’ts out of way

The Making of: Finding making of stuff wasn’t as difficult this time, with me primarily going off an oral history as I didn’t have time to watch Disney’s offical docs. But needless to say most of it can easily be peppered in as we go, but I do have a few extra things I can get to before the film proper so.. here we are. 

The film started as King of the Jungle a passion project of Jeffery Katzenberg who greenlit it and got people on board. He also claims the idea of family drama is his though there’s no real consensus: in teh oral history I found some said it was him some said it came later in development. My guess?

Point is the film was greenlit slowly evolving into it’s natural state: it first started as more of a “national geographic special” come to life but eventual rewrites turned it more into a combination of a heroes journey, as Disney was apparently REALLY big on doing one of those for every story at the time to the point a cliff’s notes version of “hero of a thousand faces” was given to writers to help them get it down pat, and hamlet. King Lear was the original base point but once they realized the evil uncle angle with Scar it became obvious and little other elements seeeped in. ONe of those was NOT Kimba the White lion. I”m getting this out of the way NOW: It was not based on the manga Kimba the white Lion. I would say more but HONESTLY I only know this not to be so true because Adam, the guy behind the youtube channel yourmoviessuckdotorg, did a two and a half hour video on Kimba throughly debunking this misconception while also showing just how throughly weird this franchise is. Keep in mind this spiraled out of him simply wanting to mention the controversy and finding it SUCH bullshit he spent two and a half hours tearing it the fuck apart. You can find it HERE. 

They also had no idea this would be the MASSIVE hit it would be. Yeah this film while a passion project of Katzenberg, wasn’t really given the stuido’s a-team to work with and while still given a hefty budget and plenty of star power, wasn’t expected to be a huge hit: just a modest one to tie disney over till theri real, super star, tried and true ultra mega smash for next year: Pocahontas 

I know i’m REALLY laughing at this. Pocahantas... one of disney’s worst ideas, the film that was a nauseating mixture of cultural apporiration, heavy handed racisim aesops that fell into “both sides-ism”, forced animal sidekicks, forgetable villians, a very cliche “princess wants better” story that just didn’t work with the framework and unintetional racisim in a film trying to be anti-racist. As you can tell I don’t have fond memories of this one, and Lindsay Ellis has torn it apart enough for me not to have to get into it some day. 

And this isn’t even just me as a more knowledgble adult who sees how cringetastic the film is: at the time it bombed heavily and was critcized for a lot of this and as a kid, not knowing shit about racisim, I just found it really boring. The best I can say about it is Colors of the Wind really fucking slaps. That song is too good for the movie it’s in. 

And to just rub salt in the wound while fellow flop the Goofy Movie got a critical revaluation over time and audience love and support via VHS, Pocahantas.. would be buired six feet deep and one of it’s stars would go on to be better known as an anti-semtic and abusive piece of shit.

But back to the actual movie before it’s Kevin’s NEXT birthday, point is this film was an unepxected hit and has become one of Disney’s most loved and profitable films. Let’s get into why shall we

The Circle of Life: We begin with one of the most iconic openings in all of Cinema: the Circle of Life. The majestic shots of the various animals of the Savannah, coupled with the amazing song written by Elton John, it’s easily one of the best songs in Disney History and one of their best openings. Just starting this movie last night my jaw dropped at seeing it in HD for the first time: every frame BEAUTIFULLY holds up, every animal moves as it would in the wild, not wasting a second or a movement, and there’s tons of gorgeous sunrisen detail as the whole of nature moves to greet their new prince. It’s just utterly mesmersing and engaging and gets you into the film right away. 

Disney also for once knew what they had, and thus used this as the teaser trailer.. and damn straight they did: this is an engaging hook that instnatly invests you in the film and what’s happening. The animation being this good is also no accident: the crew took a trip to africa for research, something not really heard of at the time but ended up being vital to the film as it allowed the animators to view these animals in their natural habitats and thus animate them naturally and gracefully as they are in the wild and the resutls speak for themselves. Over 25 years later, 30 in just 3 short years, and this film’s animation looks as gorgeous as it did in 94. 

It’s here we meet Mufasa, King of the Jungle voiced by utter legend and sith lord James Earl Jones, who proudly hands his son Simba over to Rafiki, voiced by Robert Gulliane, a legendary actor who stretched from stage to Screen and even lead his own show Benson, taking Simba from his life voiced by fellow legend Madge Sinclair. Needless to say this cast is both stacked and has a nice amount of amount of diversity for the time. 

Rafiki is a shamn, marking Simba with some tribal paint and then iconically holding the boy to the air to all the animals. This shot would be endlessly parodied from here to doomsday but it’s iconic for a reason. 

Before we move on the names are a result of the crew having an english to swahilli dictonary.. yes really. I.. honestly don’t know what to add to that but felt i’d be leaving something out if I left it out so moving on. 

There is one notable absence from the “Look at my baby isn’t he neat” Ceremony: Scar, Mufasa’s brother voiced by Jeremey Irons. Scar is one of the best Disney Villians of all time and one of the most loved for damn good reason, a master manipulator with a dry sarcastic wit and a cool design. 

He didn’t attend because as the king’s brother he was next in line.. and Simba means he’s essentially cut from the line of succesion and isn’t happy about it. Zazu, Mufasa’s chief advisor and tiny bird voiced by my boy Rowan Attkinson, chides him for it and also dickishly rubs the fact Scar isn’t going to be king in his face. Don’t get me wrong Scar himself is a peak asshole and his not attending is ENTIRELY a passive agressive jab at his brother and his newborn nephew. But Zazu rubbing salt in that wound dosen’t make HIM any better.. and is also really stupid given Scar nearly murders him and only dosen’t because Mufasa shows up just in time and puts Scar in his place, making it clear that if Scar actually challenged Mufasa for the crown, he’d die slow die fast now. It’s also clear this tension isn’t going anywhere and will only fester. 

Some Years of Festering Later:

Simba is now a kid, cutely waking up his parents. Simba is voiced by Jonathan Taylor Thomas. If you don’t know that name.. fair enough, he hasn’t really done much since the 90′s where he was one of the kids on the Tim Allen sitcom Home Improvment, back when tim allen was america’s goofy dad instead of it’s trumptastic grandpa. He bankrolled that into a teen hearthrob career then just sorta quitely retired from acting an does a decent job here: a bit too loud but the kid could emote really well and does get to carry some really powerful moments, so he’s not a bad actor. I do however question hiring a white kid, and a white adult, to play Simba when both his parents are voiced by black actors and it comes off as a racist move by want to slap some marketable white people in there instead of letting a black voice actor break out with the roll. 

So after waking his dad they go out for the morning rounds, wtih Zazu giving his morning report... which orignally had a song here. I know because the edition that restored it got promoted ENDLESSLY on disney channel so that small sectoin of the song they played is in my head. ON. LOOP. 

But yeah Simba has no real respect for Zazu, shocker, and neither does Mufasa who uses the poor guy for pouncing practice. This.. really is a dick move not going to lie. 

Mufasa then teaches Simba thee importance of the food chain and this is something I like about the film: the animals.. are still animals. They talk like humans.. but they still hunt and still eat other animals. It’s also emphasised WHY this was okay as it’s the natural order: the lions eat the antelope, and the lions will later decompose becoming the food for the grass, which the antelope eat. It’s a nice way of describing the food chain and showing WHY: it’s simply nature and nature is beautiful but also terrifying. It’s the circle of life as explained at the beginning. 

It also shows Mufasa off as a wise and noble ruler.. but he’s not without blind spots as while he tells Simba everything the light touches at himn the dark is releigated to the hyennas, who are practically starving and who if they so much as dare to move into the pridelands are chased off, as Mufasa runs off to do.

This is something unteitonal in the scipt but in a lesser film could create a problem: Mufasa comes off racist. 

Yeah.... he keeps another species, who just wants to eat more than scrap, in the most desolate, lifeless area, dosen’t give them anything himself and attack sthem when they come into his territory. While this is supposed to just be because the Hyenas are EVILLLLLLL and lions and hyeneas are natural rivals, when you anthromorphize them, it makes it seem like he’s instead a petty racist dick. 

However.. it somehow DOSEN’T ruin the film. It simply makes Mufasa flawed: he’s a wise noble leader mostly.. but his racist and short sighed blindspot towards the Hyenas mean they rightfully resent him. It shows racisim is ultimately pointless and self destructive and that hating someone just for being another race... ends up destroying you. That wasn’t INTETIONAL, but had Mufasa been a just leader to them, Scar would NEVER have been able to kill him or take over pride rock later in the film. It also allows Simbas flaws more wiggle room as while his own father’s flaws are worse it shows even his seemingly perfect father was an imperfect ruler and he has the chance to be better. This is something I honestly wish the remake explored more and as far as I can tell it didn’t. I’m not watching it unless someone pays me for a reivew saying that now and keep in mind this is a flim with both Donald Glover AND my spirtual dad John Oliver in it. If them combined can’t get me to watch something you know it’s so toxic a muk will run from it. 

Anyways Simba is naturally curious about the Hyena terriotory which his dad didn’t tell him shit about because vaugely hinting about something to your child and saying don’t do that is the quickest way to get them to do that. 

The second quickest is their uncle talking them into it as Simba goes to talk to Scar, who shows just how awesomely manipulative he is. And as Jess put it to Simba.. Scar’s just his moody uncle. Unlike his dad, who knows what his brother is capable of to a point, and simply just underestimated HOW badly Scar wanted the throne, Simba fully trusts Scar. So Scar shows off just HOW skilled a manipulator he is by abusing that trust: he fully plays simba, using the child’s need to be seen as brave like his dad to hype up the elephant’s graveyard, even naming it for the kid and telling him only the bravest go there KNOWING what his nephew will do and knowing that it will likely result in the death of his only competition for the throne. But i’s also done in a way that gives Scar deniablity. After all he could easily spin how he talked to simba as just trying to respect the boy’s intellegence or just teling him stories not thinking he’d actually doing it while knowing full well it’s all bullshit. This gives him a perfect deniable death.  It also shows off Scar’s craft: He’s already bought of the Hyena’s as we’ll see later, he simply waited for the right trap to spring on his newphew’s neck. 

I Just Can’t Wait To Be King:

Simba goes to hang out with his best friend Nala and sneak over, and we get a cute scene of both being bathed byt heir mothers as cats do. There is a wrinkle though as they send Zazu to babysit the kids to the watering hole, Simba’s cover, but Simba naturally planned for that and shows that even if he’s rambunctious and short sighed, he’s not dumb and does have some clever planning skills. 

So he distracts him via song, I Just Can’t Wait To Be King, an utterly awesome track. The animation here is colorful as all hell, and the lyrics are just fun as Simba boastas about the power and seeming freeodom of being a king and is a huge dick to zazu. It showss off how the boy dosen’t get what being a king really is, the chains of command and the power and responsiblity that come with them in a fun kid freindly way that’s also a real fun bop. You also really CAN’T blame  Simba for not liking Zazu when Zazu constantly talks down to the boy and acts like he’s the worst when he’s just you know, a child. It’s just a fun show of the dynamic between the two. As one last note as I don’t have much other to say about this song other than “it slaps”, Jason weaver sings instead of JTT, and would later go on to be on Smart Guy.. and also go by the name J-Weav for some reason. 

Weaver does a great job though and the song’s iconic for good reason, I just really don’t have a ton to say about it. 

So Simba and Nala head to the elephant graveyard and encounter Zazu... who apparenntly can teleport and wnats to take them home... only for the three to encounter the hyenas, Shenzi, Banzi and Ed, voiced by Whoopi Goldberg, Cheech Maron and Jim Cummings. As for how they got the parts as you can probably guess by Maron’s casting they WANTED his partner Tommy Chong for the Shenzi roll, but Chong was too busy. This ended up working out great as while I love chong from that 70′s show, Goldberg is a better fit as the leader and more compietent one of these chuckleheads. Jim Cummings meanwhile go this roll because voice acting legend Frank Welker, aka Fred “Vanfucker” Jones, Megatron and Scooby Dooby Doo among MANY others, coudln’t get the roll down right and recommended Jim, and since Jim had already worked witht he company a lot it likely wasn’t a hard sell. The three are great characters, Shenzi being a fun, clever leader but still goofy in her own right, Banzi being her sarcastic sidekick and ed just sorta making various noises and being entertaining for it. 

But the film makes no bones about the fact that, while comical, these three ARE deadly predators and are more than willing to murder all three , not helped by Simba announcing he’s the prince.. aka the son of the guy whose the reason their exiled here. A really harrowing chase ensues and the three NEARLY die.. until Motherfucking Mufasa makes his presence know with a giant roar and scares them the fuck off telling them to NEVER fuck with his son again or else, scarring the crap out of them, and Simba and also me because James Earl Jones can be pants destroyingly terrifying when he wnats to be. 

He then sternly tells Zazu to take Nala home, he’s going to have a talk with Simba.. which made me worry given his tone but it turns out Mufasa is a fair and just parent: he does chide his son for near sucidally risking his life and disobeying him... but listens to his reasons why, wanting to be brave and fearless like his dad and pointing out why their flawed: Mufasa is brave sure.. but that’s not what makes a king. And as for fearless.. he was TERRIFIED seeing his son in mortal peril. Being a king isn’t about being strong or powerful or imposing.. it’s about what’s inside you, about knowing what to do and standing up when the time is right. He also makes a pointed and important observation when Simba assumes he’ll be around forever: he won’t. No one lives forever, but to Mufasa the kings live in the stars, and he’lla lways be iwth him in a way.. but someday he will be gone. 

The Coup of the Century:

So we cut back to the Hyena’s who are squabbling amongst themselves until Scar comes in revealing himself as his boss.. something I didn’t bother to hide because this film is only slightly younger than I am. He, being a terrible boss as well as an even worse brother, is annoyed they didn’t do a murder on his nephew and when one jests that “what were we going to do kill mufasa”.. that’s exactly what Scar wanted and reveals his end game in the classic disney manner.. in a banger ofa villian song...

...... what. 

Fresh hell. 

Is this? 

How the hell did John Faverau, Disney, Chewetel Ejofor, and Mickey Mouse HIMSELF think that taking one of the most iconic, riviting, and just play badass villian songs of all time in both visual and music and making it into a spoken word piece even William Shatner and shooting it at one in the morning with no lighting whatsoever so I can’t tell if scar is in this much less the hyenas, think this was a good idea? No no no let me show you how it’s done...

I know i’ve gushed about the other songs so far... and will abotu the ones remaning but holy. shit. This is, and this is with PLENTY of classic competition like “Friends on the Other Side”, “Hellfire”, “Poor Unfortunate Souls”, “Shiny”, and “Love is an Open Door”, without a doubt the BEST Disney Villian song. In just a few short minutes Scar shows WHY he’s so damn loved: the ego, the swagger, the cunning, giving the Hyean’s a cut of everything in exchange fo rbacking his plan> And all of this backed to gorgeous animation with three notable and awesome color phases: Green as Scar ramps up to his scheme, bragging about it and himself as only Jeremey Irons and Jim Cummings could, and gracefully moving, every bit of coreography as controlled and awesome as the lion himself. 

Then we move to his big grand speech in a shade of stark, striking yellow as he gets his army and they mark in step, willing to serve him for a full belly, before moving to red as he makes it VERY clear whose in charge, that they need him and just who their fucking with. IT’s fucking gorgeous, horrifying and awesome all in one package. 

And I did mentoin Jim Cummings but not for ed: See while Jeremey Irons is many awessome things a singer isn’t one of them, so while he could carry a tune well enough, a bit of the song was beyond him so Jim Cummings stepped in.. and you can’t tell the diffrence. The most I caught of jim was toward the end and even then he still sounds enough like Jeremy it’s not distracting and you’d NEVER tell if you weren’t looking for it.. I know because I COULDN’T tell last night, and only found out Jim filled in parts of the vocals in post. THAT’S how good he was. This song is straight fire and if i’ts not on any of your spotify playlists it damn well should be. 

So Scar sets out his true plan and it’s a work of poetry. Poetry written by Lex Luthor but poetry none the less. He takes Simba to a canyon, and has him wait for his dad whose TOTALLY coming there and totally dosen’t know his brother dragged his nephew into a crevice to die. 

He also tells the boy to practice his roar.. and told the hyenas to startle some nearbye wildebeasts the second it happened. This leads to an utterly horrifing and awesome sight as the poor child is caught in a storm of scared stamping hooves. One of the crew had the idea for this after seeing a stampeded of Wildebeasts on tv, but the rest of the crew were skeptical. Not because it wasn’t cool it was but because “how the hell could we pull this off.”. The answer was computers: they animated the beasts in CG, used cell shading to make them look real and then used a program to make the patterns random like a real stampede. The result.. is flawless. I genuinely can’t tell it’s the same drawing over and over again and the motion is frantic and terrifying and melds perfectly

Scar’s next step is to bring Mufasa to the stampede, and Zazu but he quickly takes care of that complicatoin, knockign the bird out in a way that dosen’t implicate himself. Mufasa is able to save Simba.. but finds himself stranded on the cliff begging scar to help him... which scar naturally responds to with “Long live the king” and throwing him off a cliff. 

Before we get to his final master stroke, we get an utterly heartstomping scene. Simba goes to his dad’s corpse... and tries to get him to wake up. To obviously no avail it’s a dead body and this isn’t marvel. If it was.. he’d still be dead but he’d back in a few years or so. Maybe two. He’s a big enough character. 

Point is it’s crushing and while Jonathan Taylor thomas can be mildly annoying, he’s mostly just endearing.. and oh so good at conveying this poor child having his soul crushed in front of your eyes. 

Scar dosen’t help, feeding into Simba’s guilt over seemingly causing it and telling the boy to “run as far as you can and never come back”. Being a bastard though he dosen’t leave his bets at “hope the boy dosen’t come back and sends the hyenas after him. Simba BARELY escapes through some thorns due to his side and the Hyenas.. just let him go asuming he’ll die of heat stroke and presumibily told Scar he died. But despite this hole in things.. it still works. Scar is egostistical, he woudlnt’ dare presume his new minons would lie or that his nephew could POSSIBLY surivive out there and probably figured the hyena’s might have given up.. but it dosen’t matter. So yeah Scar completely and utterly wins and takes over and showss off his new army to the greiving masses. 

Problem Free Philosophy: 

So Simba, in one day has had his dad die, has been gaslighted into thinking he’s responsible, ran for his life and is now wandering the desert half dead surrounded by vultures ready to eat his corpse when he dies aka in a few minutes at best. 

 So jus tas he’s abotu to die he meets two new friends, protectors and replacement dads Timon and Pumbaa, played by Nathan Lane and Ernie Sabella, aka america’s gay uncle and that guy what owned a resort on saved by the bell respectively. 

The duo were part of the film for some time, being fellow childhood friends of Simbas, but that was removed as it really undercut the whole food chain aspect. The two were later reinstated and reformed after Lane and Sabella, who had been doing a stage show together, riffed while auditioning for the hyenas and a month later got the call that not only did they get cast afterall after assuming they blew it, but that they riffed off each other SO well they WROTE parts just for them. The two also filled in a key gap: being the ones tha tboth took care of simba while he was in exile but also taught him to be lazy and avoid his problems. 

The two do so as they take him into the jungle, the mighty jungle, not carring that he dosen’t want to talk about his past and intorducing the kid to bugs and to their fun and fancy free life. These two characters.. are awesome. Their funny, endearing and while slackers you get why: the jungle turned i’ts back on them.. so when given the chance they don’t turn their back on Simba, instead taking him in as their own. Granted Timon later implies part of it is protection from predators... but he still took in a kid who could’ve decided “nope i’m going to eat you” and raised him with his commonlaw husband best he could, a kid who clearly had lost everything, didn’t want to talk about why, and was far from home and scared. Timon may be a bit of a jerk at time but it’s clear at his core he’s a good person. Pumbaa on the other hand is just friendly and loveable. 

The two outline their philosphy in the all time classic Hakuna Matata, which means no worries for the rest of your day. It’s another lively, iconic number iwth gorgeous visuals and is just a nice, happy break after the misery and terror of Mufasa’s death, Simba’s exile and Scar’s takeover. This was intentional: to prvent things from getting too dour but felt organic: by the time Simba runs into the two, just enough space has been given by the vulcture scene to transition back into comedy, and there’s still enough pathos in their first interaction, with Simba still heavily depressed and content to die in the desert till Timon and PUmbaa talk him into coming with, to have it not be TOO jarring. The lack of Simba telling them his story also means when his past comes crashing in on his present later, their utterly floored making for good interactions. 

The song also has a really great transition, showing Simba slowly growing before becoming a full adult played by Matthew Brodrick who DOES do an excellent job and is a talented performer. I may not like ALL his performances, Ferris Buller and Godzilla specifically aren’t great for writing reasons even if he treis his best, but he’s a damn fine human being as far as I can tell and is still acting his ass off today. 

One final note is that Jim Cummings admitted in the Oral History that he and Jess Harnell, yes Wakko Jess Harnell, sung the song first, as Lane and Sabella not being trained in music at the time, had trouble keeping in time and this gave them a guideline. Jim is also the one who came up with the whole when I was a young warthog bit, which naturally stayed. 

Romance Subplot Because Shut Up:

Scar has suprisingly fucked up as king, with the Hyean’s growing restless because they ran out of food and Scar stubbornly refusing to go anywhere else. 

Okay enough of that back in the jungle, the mighty jungle, Timon and Pumba are goofing off only to find some peril at the hands of a grown up Nala Thankfully Simba’s around and easily matches her and the two fight for a bit before recognizing each other and then chuckling it up and everything with Timon understandably pissed off that Simba is suddenly chummy with the woman who just tried to eat his husband. 

The two banter, Pumba accepts her and Nala and Simba catch up: Simba explains he escaped, nala explains she went looking for help and it’s all okay now because Simba will come back and be king and everyone will dance and skip.

Yeah SHOCKINGLY the traumatized... however old Simba is, dosen’t want to go back still thinking he killed his dad and not knowing how bad it’s gotten, figuring his good uncle scar is in charage and totally didn’t rule with an iron fist. 

The two go off to talk anyway with Timon convinced they lost him as he now found a love intrest as Can You Feel The Love Tonight plays over the two bonding and reconnecting. 

This song... is my least faviorite. It’s also the last new one, so it’s an eh note to go out on. Now don’t get it twisted it is a pretty damn good song.. they all are there’s a reason this soundtrack sold like gangbusters, including one copy to Sabella himself who was shocked to find he was on said soundtrack. And this is sir Elton John wirting a love ballad, the man’s words are like silk.

It’s issue is context: the others help push the story forward help move it and help emote things... this one.. tries to use a ballad to massage the fact these are two people who haven’t seen each other in a decade and end up together because the 90′s thought men and women coudln’t be friends without wanting to hump one another unless one of them was gay. It’s just.. the weakest part of the film and while it dosen’t drag the film down, it does just sorta drag for a second. 

The argument after dosen’t helpas Nala outlines just how BAD things are: food is gone, Scar let the hyenas in (which we knew btu Simba didn’t) and things are very dire, with her having come for help. Simba however.. i sa tad annoying as he refuses to just admit the father thing and instead says “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND MY PAINNNNNN I CAN’T TELL YOU..... IT’S TOOOOOOO BADDDDD I CAN’T HELLLPPPP YOUUUU OR MY MOMMMMMMYYYYY I’M GONNAAAA RUNN OFFF FNOOWWW” Okay that may not be the dialouge EXACTLY but my brain is a bit fuzzy sometimes. It’s what I heard anyway. 

So Simba Runs Off to Cry:

And ends up finding Rafiki, who found out Simba was alive via his magic skills... after what was clearly a decade or whatever. 

So he goes to find Simba whose moping in the savannah and helps the boy. By giving him a swift knock on the head. But more improtantly we get a really cool, really powerful metaphorical moment as Rafiki reinforces what his dad taught: Those we love aren’t really gone.. they live on.. but not in the stars, though they kinda do we’ll see in a second.. but inside us. He has Simba look at the water and realize that his reflection looks just like his dad.. his dad died.. but his spirit, what he taught his son, the love he gave him and the lessons simba learned form him are there. 

So then Simba hears his dad and finds his cloud head in the sky with an important message

I mean basically. He tells him he must take his place, face his past and become his future and we get a really tearful bit as simba runs after his dad’s ghost cloud. But with this the boy finally realizes he can’t keep running, that he can’t keep trying to avoid who he was and has to face his mistakes and be the man his father knows he can be. 

Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss:

So Simba returns home, horrified at what he sees.. and soon joined by Nala, Timon and Pumbaa. Simba is determined to take his crown and dethrone the asshole. And come up with a plan... live bait. No really Simba’s plan is “have my friends distract the hyena hoard and hope they don’t die”. And timon’s actual response is “what do you want me to do put on drag and sing the hula”

Cue a really funny and as it turns out improvised song as Timon sings a song and uses his husband as a lure and the two book it, leaving Simba clear and free to confront scar. 

Speaking of Scar, Simba’s mother’s already confronting him, pointing out there IS no food and they need to leave. Scar naturally attacks her... only to stop when Simba arrives, utterly horrified as it looks like his brother has come back from the dead. Simba awakes his mother the same way he did as a kid and i’ts cute. 

But as the title said Scar quickly rebounds and is like...

I mean i’ts not wrong: he brings up the daeth, but without context and while Simba rightly protests it was an accidnet Scar uses that to back the stronger lion off and scare him up onto the cliff of pride rock.. with things only getting worse when lighting hits lighting everything in hellish fire. 

It’s then Scar makes what both jess and I call his one REALLY dumb move of the movie. Like this one unlike the hyena’s thing and not checking them has no excuse other than just pure ego: Scar tells simba he killed his dad ..... which this being a movie Simba gets his second wind, escapes near death and corners his now terrified uncle. 

SO with that Scar puts some Ash in Simbas face and a fight insues, with our hero eventually winning the day and pinning scar long enough, with Scar blaming everything on the hyena’s.. who naturally hear it after getting their asses owned by the unambgiously gay duo, before being forced to say what he did to everyone exonerating the new king. Scar ends up falling into the fire.. but he dosen’t die. Oh no that’d be TOO nice. No the hyena’s find him, and all corner him, eyes glowing as Scar begs for his life, reduced from a master manipulator.. to what he truly is at his score: a scared, power hungry coward who got too greedy and let his own ego and sadisim eat him alive.. meatpahorically> The Hyenas are going to take care of making it VERY literal. 

So with that the day is saved, the rain puts out the fire, and Simba asecneds and becomes king, and we end as we began, full circle of life with Simba and Nala welcoming their own daughter. I smell a sequel. 

Yup the circle of life continues.. as does the need for DTV money. Though i’ll come back to that some other day.. maybe. I dunno. 

Final Thoughts: This film is a masterpiece. It has flaws sure, i’ve listed them, but their all papered over by the story being SO good it self corrects any holes in it with stellar characterization and flawless voice acting. The cast is phenominal, the music is all classic from the bops of vocal songs to the uplfiting and engaging score, and the naimation STILL holds up nearly 30 years later. If you haven’t watched this one in a while do, it’s awesome.

So as I close this out i’d like to thank Kev for suggesting this review and for supporting me. I said it before and i’ll say it again.. your a good friend man. Thank you so much for the past year and a half and here’s to many more. 

#the lion king #simba #scar #mufasa #rafiki #timon #pumbaa #zazu #nala #Shenzi #Banzai #Ed #james earl jones #matthew brodrick #Madge Sinclair #Rowan Attikison #Tony Sabella #Cheech Maron #Whoopi Goldberg #Jim Cummings #Disney #Disney+ #birthday #reviews #90s

[tessatechaitea]

Cerebus #11 (1979)

The only weapon you need to provoke a police officer to violence is scorn.

Sorry! The above caption had nothing to do with The Cockroach's first appearance in Cerebus and everything to do with how the Omaha Police arrested peaceful protesters by claiming that they're purpose was to "attack and/or provoke police officers to violence." Also, you can tell they're already spinning and lying by adding the "and/or" so they can imply that the protesters are planning on attacking police. And, well, even if they weren't (and they did say "or"!), their other main plan was to provoke them. But of course everybody whose ability to perceive reality isn't clouded by their incessant need to defend police no matter what understands that police will abuse their power at the drop of an eye roll. They believe any slight disrespect is an excuse for a violent rebuttal. They force physical violence on people whom they have no reason to arrest simply so the person can struggle against the assault, as any normal person would do, and then claim resisting. Police should be confronted by scorn and disrespect at every turn. Only when they learn not to instantly resort to violence and threats will they deserve to not be. Welcome to my comic book and/or police review blog! Deni's "A Note from the Publisher" continues on a theme that I hadn't noticed until just now: every new issue of Cerebus now seems to be a landmark issue! It's an interesting self-promotion take that I have to admit I'd never thought of trying. "Every new Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea review is a landmark review!" You know what else is a landmark? Places & Predators, my Cribbage-based Roller Playing Game! You don't even really need any friends to play it. Just read it like a book and enjoy it! Or play it like a Fighting Fantasy Adventure Book! Use some online Cribbage app! Figure out how to use the crib in ways the online app definitely won't let you! Oh, the reason this is a landmark issue is because more letters came in than normal! It's a hit! Deni also reveals that she'll be making the Cerebus plush toys that were advertised in previous issues and at half the price! So kudos for stealing that job from the person who originally made them! It probably wasn't anything so dramatic but what fun is going through your life defaulting to the best, most optimistic possibility in every given situation? Have some fun! Act paranoid! Purposefully misunderstand your father and scream in his face! Kick a dog! Sorry! I got carried away! I would never kick a dog unless it was attacking me. But even then, I'd be wishing I was kicking the owner who let it go off leash. The dog doesn't deserve my epic self defense tactics in its soft face. But the owner certainly does!

The basics on the origin of The Cockroach.

I didn't realize Dave came up with The Cockroach because it was gross and disgusting. I just thought it was a more clever version of a bat, keeping to the shadows, hiding, surviving, a constant annoyance to poor people. In any case, The Cockroach is the greatest parody of The Batman, hands down. Because The Batman has become such a parody of himself time and time again, you just need an absolutely Batshit insane version of him. I don't do segues so Cerebus has come to Beduin to sell the Black Blossom Lotus. Just look at all the continuity Dave Sim is giving his readers! I wonder how many comic book fans would list "continuity" as their number one favorite thing about comic books? Like, are there people who would list that above great writing or terrific art? Judging by how terrible a lot of mainstream comic books are and how rabid many of the fans, I'd suspect it was a fairly high number. Maybe 65 out of 100, Bob. Change that card! The Merchant Cerebus deals with is a kook who might just have a super secret identity. It's weird to think of the Roach as being capable of actually living an independent life! I suppose he's just barely hanging onto his sanity at this point (and, of course, only during the day). But then he comes into the mystical aura of strangeness that aardvarks apparently exude out of their buttholes and he just loses it completely. He becomes less a merchant slash superhero and more a superhero slash zombie cosplayer. Also he becomes one of the greatest characters ever created! There are like four of them in the entirety of Cerebus! The exclamation point is because I think that's an incredibly high number and not because I think it's an incredibly low number. Most comic book's protagonists never quite make it to the greatest ever! Plus I'd probably give Cerebus more than four but a lot of them are just really good parodies, satires, and slightly-off representations of characters and people who already existed. The merchant buys the Black Blossom Lotus from Cerebus for 100 gold pieces and then promptly drops it out of the window and into the Feld River.

Not only does Dave Sim come up with a bunch of memorable plots across three hundred issues, he also comes up with a lot of good Dungeons & Dragons campaign ideas.

The Merchant pays Cerebus a sack of gold and gets ready for bed as Cerebus begins to leave. Before Cerebus can even exit the hallway outside the merchant's bedroom door, Cerebus begins to hear loud ranting coming from the other side. It's a lot of hissing and threats of murder. Against his better judgment, Cerebus decides to see what's happening and gets his first look at the guy who will be a huge headache to him for the next two hundred issues or so.

One thing I like about Dave Sim is how honest he is when recounting where he came up with or stole his ideas. He gives plenty of credit for the Cockroach and his hissing to Marshall Rogers and Jules Feiffer. It's admirable because a lot of people would just figure, "It might make me look less of an artist and who's going to know anyway?!"

Just a few days ago, my old elementary school friend who was blown up in Iraq and then became a comedian playing to Christians and patriots (which I mention so you'll understand how, as a wounded veteran, he'll never be criticized by his audience and he'll never really grow as a comedian) posted a Tik Tok on Facebook that was just a film of a television set capturing the "Masked Debate" bit on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. The clip only shows all the clips of news readers saying "masked debate" and none of Oliver's or the show's set-up. He then watermarked it with his Tik Tok name. Now all of those naive followers who can only seem to reply to his posts with the laugh/cry emoji probably think he wrote it. Better yet, they're probably mostly Trump followers who would never admit to finding that libjerk Oliver or his show funny. What's even better is that the Tik Tok has some quote along top that's watermarked with somebody else's Tik Tok name! So it looks like Bob doubly stole the bit. Man, I wish I'd joined the army and gotten blown up and then found Christ and developed an audience of uncritical naive yahoos who would wildly applaud everything I wrote! Why didn't I join the army?! Oh, that's right. Because I believed I had a future right out of high school. Well, I guess Bob is having the last laugh now! Cerebus follows Cockroach across the rooftops to find out what's going on. He eventually witnesses the Cockroach confront a man in an alley, accuse him of killing his parents, knock him out, and steal his gold. The gold part of the night helps Cerebus to ignore all of the other confusing stuff. The Cockroach doesn't gloat for long. He's off to find another victim! Cerebus witnesses him mug another guy whom he also accuses of killing his parents. He also admits to doing this for thirty years. So now Cerebus thinks the guy is crazy but also crazy rich. At the end of the night, the Cockroach returns home and drops the gold purses into a secret panel in the wall. He falls asleep, wakes up, and, when he sees Cerebus, acts as if Cerebus were just leaving. So Cerebus realizes that the merchant doesn't have any idea what the Cockroach is doing. Which means Cerebus is going to recover those gold purses before the Cockroach comes back! At the moment, Cerebus doesn't realize that he's going to be finding thirty years worth of gold purses in the merchant's walls. Can you imagine how boring the last two hundred and eighty-nine issues of Cerebus would have been if Cerebus managed to steal all of the Roach's gold?! I'm sure some of you are thinking, "It wouldn't have been any worse than the last hundred issues we did get!" Also, can you imagine how fat Cerebus would have gotten drinking tons of ale and eating loads of rich foods? I'm laughing so much just trying to picture it! Ha ha!

Eight feet of gold would make Cerebus fatter than a domesticated raccoon!

In the end, Cerebus only makes it away with three sacks of gold. But in the process, he manages to completely screw up the Roach/Merchant equilibrium that's lasted for thirty years. In trying to exploit the man's mental illness so that he'd help Cerebus move the gold, Cerebus drags the Roach personality into the daylight. From here on out, the Roach will simply be a pawn of others, susceptible to almost any second-rate demagogue (although most of the people who subsequently control the Roach are of the first rate variety). The Aardvark Comment section was two pages this issue and had this letter that I don't think was being sarcastic?

I guess I also wouldn't necessarily consider a chainmail bikini as "a disgusting costume." He's probably thinking about Power Girl.

Also, and I admit it might have been a joke, but Dave Sim reveals that Ronald Reagan is Cerebus' father. That, um, makes sense! Cerebus #11 Rating: A. I almost gave it a B+ for variety but then I remembered I just read the first appearance of the Roach. I also forgot that my ratings don't actually mean anything.

#Cerebus #Dave Sim

[diarrheaofthekeyboard]

#41

9.4.2020 - 9.8.2020

At age 5, sometime in the summer of 1983, I went to my first Mets game. I know they played the Montreal Expos. I’m pretty sure George Bamburger was still the manager. Tom Seaver was on the team. I do not know if he pitched that game. But I know I saw him pitch on tv as a Met that year. 

My early childhood from that point forward was consumed with baseball (and cartoons) until about 1989 when the Mets were bad again. They just got worse until I went to college, but I still watched. I couldn’t watch Mets games in college, so I mostly forgot about baseball. I graduated in 2000 and came home to the Mets and Yankees in the Subway Series. And I was back in it. 

The Mets predictably lost, and it was the worst because the Yankees were dynastic, but something else happened. After raising me as a Mets fan, my father outed himself as a Yankee fan. 

My dad was born in Brooklyn in 1950 and raised in Sheepshead Bay, which is close to Coney Island. Story goes he asked my grandfather to go see the Dodgers and was told “next year”. That was 1957. He never got to see the Dodgers in Brooklyn. They, and the New York Giants, moved to California before the 1958 season. This is pretty fucked up. And though I never asked him while he was alive, it would make no sense for my grandfather to have claimed he didn’t know the Dodgers were leaving. It was the biggest news in Brooklyn.

For 4 years, there was only one New York team. The Yankees. They won the World Series in 1958 and 1961. They lost the World Series in 1960. The Mets first season was 1962 and promptly set the record for most games lost in a season, in the modern era. The Yankees beat the San Francisco Giants in the World Series that year. In 1963 the Yankees lost to the Los Angeles Dodgers, but who could root for the Dodgers after they left Brooklyn? That was traitorous. In ‘64 the Yankees lost the World Series to the St. Louis Cardinals. They were terrible after that. 

In 1967, Tom Seaver debuted for the New York Mets. They were still the worst team in baseball. In 1969, led by Seaver, the Mets were champions. My dad, by this time in college, became a fan. 

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in tracing his sports allegiances, it’s that he’s a bandwagoner. We never watched hockey, but for some reason had 4 copies of an Islanders record from the early 80s. We never really watched football, but he did like to watch the Cowboys. Why wasn’t he a Giants fan? Or a Jets fan? It never really made sense. 

The entire reason we went to that game in 1983 was my dad got tickets from work. The owner of the company he worked for had box seats about 10 rows behind the third base dugout. We would go once or twice a year and my dad would complain about traffic. We went to Game 1 of the 1986 World Series. I still have my ticket. It was a big moment for me, having just turned all of 9 years old. It’s still a big moment for me. We sat 6 rows from the back of the stadium and couldn’t see anything. But we were there. 

I never had reason to believe my dad was anything other than a Mets fan. And then, there I am, freaking out in 2000 as Benny Agbayani hands the ball to a fan in the stands because he thought there were three outs, and my dad is outing himself further as a Yankee fan with every moment. 

I don’t remember when this took place, but I know it happened. I was so angry I was raised a Mets fan. But it went something like this: 

Why would you do this to your child? You know how bad they are. You read the paper. You never bothered to tell me the Yankees won the World Series in 1978. I could have gone through life as a carefree Yankee fan, not ever having to know the intricacies of the game, and never beating myself up in the years they weren’t competitive because they’re the fucking Yankees! They always come back. 

At that point, I couldn’t give up the Mets. For the damage being invested in their losing had done to me, and for what it would continue to do to me. For 20 years until I left New York, I probably watched 150 games a year, whether on tv or at Shea. I didn’t just double down. It became all consuming. And gut wrenching. Hey! You had a shit day at work! Let’s agonize over this garbage team and argue with the tv announcers every day. As I bounced from apartment to apartment, job to job, there would always be the constant, soothing misery of the Mets.  

The 2000 baseball season had been my introduction to Tom Seaver the announcer. Keith Hernandez too. I actually got to see him play. He was the quintessential first baseman. Now I got to listen to them regularly. Along with Ralph Kiner, Gary Thorne, and Howie Rose, they were fantastic. They talked about the game like a coach should talk about the game. Every game, regardless of how bad the team was, became a clinic in “How to Baseball”. I loved it. 

In 2006, the Mets got their own broadcasting network and consolidated the announcing team. Ralph Kiner’s health had declined over the years and he would only return on home Sunday games. Fran Healy and Tim McCarver were finally, mercifully gone. Seaver left too. He had gone into winemaking in ‘05 and wanted to pursue it full time. Taking over play-by-play was radio announcer Gary Cohen. He had been Bob Murphy’s understudy and was a familiar pick. Keith Hernandez stayed and fellow 80s Met Ron Darling was added as well. They’re still in the booth today, and they’re fantastic. 

Seaver would show up from time to time. There was never a down, dull moment with him. You’d get an adrenaline rush just listening to him. 

I’m going to say something controversial. I hated Shea Stadium. It was a nasty, ugly place. But there’s one thing about it that CitiField just can’t replace. The entire stadium was built from concrete blocks and it was very closed in. Each entrance to the seating area from the concourse was like its own little tunnel into another world. You come out of the darkness and into the light of the greenest field you’ve ever seen. I got goosebumps and would nearly be on the verge of tears, every time I walked through, from that first game in 1983, until they tore the place down at the end of the 2008 season. 

I did make sure to be there at the last game. It was terrible. The Mets needed to beat the Marlins to get into the Wild Card and it didn’t happen. Then we waited seemingly forever for the post-game ceremony to begin, absolutely fuming that we had been duped by this shit team again. Finally, things got started. Mets greats were announced. And Tom Seaver and Mike Piazza closed the centerfield gate together, formally closing the book on Shea. It was a good moment even though the season ended terribly. 

We moved to California two years ago. This was my opportunity to finally get rid of the Mets. I was determined to do it. I started watching A’s and Giants games. I even started watching Dodger games. At the start of the season, I was set to ride the A’s and Dodgers all the way to a California World Series. Then COVID hit. The season was cancelled. I lost my job. School was cancelled. Bad news increased exponentially. And when the baseball season finally started in July, my wife said she wanted to watch the Mets. She wasn’t going to give me a choice either. 

We met in 2006. She had moved to NYC the previous year and kinda bandwagoned her way into Yankee fandom. Because why not. She was really a football fan anyway. One of her previous boyfriends was apparently a huge Cubs fan. She says every time they lost he’d be upset for days. Which, historically, is a tough place to be as a Cubs fan. As we dated and got closer she saw just how many games I would watch on a yearly basis. It’s a lot. 

She got used to me pacing around, guitar in hand, yelling at the TV. She studied for the bar exam through this. One time, I forget what was going on, she’s reading flashcards and I had taken issue with something Gary Cohen said. And I hear quietly, “don’t argue with Gary!” I can still hear the inflection in her voice in my head. I turned around and started telling her why I disagreed with him and her only response was “did I say that out loud?” Gary, Keith, and Ron were hugely important to not only her tolerance of my baseball tv domination, but also her appreciation of the game. She only knew Ralph Kiner as this cute old man. And every so often, Seaver would come back and she’d see me well up with visceral feelings. 

I cried when Ralph Kiner died. Around 2014/2015 I wrote a blog titled “The Common Sense Mets Fan”. At the time, I was convinced the Sandy Alderson administration would right the team and keep the Wilpons at bay. I was wrong. Anyway, here’s what I wrote: 

On the last day of the season, as usual, Gary Cohen said goodbye to Ralph Kiner. But there was something different about it this time. There was fear in Gary’s face, as though he knew this was his last opportunity to sign off with Ralph. I had seen hints of it in years past, but never like this. Sadly, Ralph passed today, I hope peacefully.

As a Mets fan, this is like losing a grandfather or great uncle. Ralph had always been there. From his stories about Elizabeth Taylor to his willingness to argue advanced metrics and hitting style with Keith Hernandez, he was ever present in the Mets broadcast booth. I’ll never be able to hear the game again the same way. Thank you, Ralph.

At the time, I said to my wife, “the next time I cry about the Mets, it’ll be when Tom Seaver dies.” This was before their 2015 run. Before the Wilmer Flores incident. Before I was sitting on my couch with a 1 year old, watching them in a World Series, as I did my best impression of Randy Quaid from Major League. I refused to allow myself to enjoy the success of the team because I knew they would lose. It was just a matter of when. And of course, they did lose to the Kansas City Royals. But they got a lot further than I thought they would. 

When MLB decided to move forward with a truncated 2020 season, I was reluctant to watch. It’s not safe for anyone involved and seems to be all about corporate greed. But of course, like moths to a flame, we watched. And as I mentioned, my wife said, “we’re watching the Mets.” I didn’t want to. But she was right. In a year like we’ve never seen before, Gary Cohen, Ron Darling, and Keith Hernandez did something, and are doing something, nobody else is. They gave us levity and calm. Led by Gary, they are unafraid to address the news of the day while knowing the escape they provide. The BLM t-shirt moment was unparalleled. And unfortunately, they’d have another day to provide calm the next week. 

As you well know by now, George Thomas Seaver died last week. He had contracted lyme disease years ago, while working in the vineyards. For some people, lyme goes undiagnosed for years while doctors treat the symptoms without putting it all together. This seems to have been what happened to Tom. It progressed with complications and he developed Lewy Body dementia. His family announced his retirement from public life and the Mets announced they would erect a statue to him outside of CitiField. They changed the address of the stadium to 41 Seaver Way. But in true Wilpon Mets fashion, still no statue. 

Finally, last week, Tom died due to complications from COVID. I was sitting on the couch, watching some random baseball game and reading Twitter. I saw the Baseball Hall of Fame announcement on Twitter, exclaimed “oh no!”, and went upstairs to be alone for a minute. My wife was on the phone. She ran upstairs to see me sitting with my head in my hands and asked what happened. I told her and then told her how stupid I felt for letting this get to me. And she said, “yeah, but you said after Ralph died this would happen”. 

Our son came upstairs to see what he was missing. I told him. He said “who’s that?” And we had a long talk I think bored him. And it’s then it hit me what had happened. As I’ve detailed in the past 4 pages of text, Tom Seaver meant a lot to me, even though in my experience as a Mets fan, he was really just a peripheral character. I saw him on the field a couple of times. He was talked about. He was an announcer for a few years, and he’s mostly been out of the spotlight for the past 15 years. Here I was, having a visceral, uncontrollable reaction to a childhood figure I never met. How the fuck were people who actually knew him going to keep it together?

They couldn’t do it. Gary and Ron did their best. Apparently, Keith’s mom also had dementia, and he lost it. There was a lot of silence during the game. A lot of big sighs from Keith. A lot of on air hurting. It was gut wrenching. I saw an Ed Kranepool quote that said, “this was a terrible ending to a horseshit year.” And it’s only September! 

At this point, nearly a week later, it’s difficult to remember where I saw it. But here it is. The reason I’ve spent all this time spilling my guts about a guy I never met. Tom Seaver was a beacon. He wasn’t just someone who had a talent and pursued it. He was constantly trying to reinvent himself and pursue that passion, whether he was good at it or not. But even moreso, he was a positive influence on everyone around him. I’ve never heard a story about Seaver fighting with anyone. He wanted to be Rembrandt with a baseball. And he wanted to lift people up around him. 

I feel isolated and alone. There’s not much I feel like I can control. I can get out my thoughts, I can be a good husband and a good father. I can explore my music. And I can use the latter to pull myself out of the former. That’s what Tom would tell me to do. 

#new york mets #tom seaver #ralph kiner #brooklyn dodgers #new york yankees #baseball #41 #sny #shea stadium #citifield #gary cohen #keith hernandez #ron darling #bob murphy #randy quaid #major league #mlb #mike piazza #howie rose #gary thorne

[kyurilin]

2010-2019 Or The Overly Non Dramatic Story of How Kyuri's Decade Went

Technically this isn't a part of this decade review but I'm posting this on December 24th specifically because 10 years ago today I spoke to @mist-over-water on the phone for the first time after having known her for three years and I'm pretty sure we both cried

2010

met @mist-over-water for the first time in person. Took her to the beach where she promptly got roasted by the sun. Took her to the mountains. Took her out to practice driving in a local high school parking lot because why not. I cried so hard when she had to go home and God help me I'd only known her four years at that point.

Flunked a math class for the first time. Funny enough, it was because I'd been put in the advanced math courses for years and that was the year I both had a teacher I hated and could no longer reasonably fake my way through understanding math. Don't put your kids in advanced courses unless you're certain they can keep up with it people I only really was an advanced reader.

My dog Scruffy passed away :(

Started my senior year of high school

2011

Managed to graduate high school on time despite having to take 2 whole math courses during senior year (and with @mist-over-water 's who will now be referred to as Gabby because simplicity buddies sending me 'GRADUATE' messages so I'd have the motivation to go see her in person)

Got to go to England to see Gabby which, dream come true. Had a blast. Met the two precious nieces she had, her brother who's accent I couldn't understand, her mom who is one of the sweetest people, and her grandparents who I got to watch a lot of old British gameshows with.

Saw Wicked from second row seats in London.

Saw Cars 2 three times with Gabby which is why I'm still emotionally invested in Cars 2 because boy getting to see the sequel movie to the movie that ended up allowing you to cross paths with someone you really clicked with is AN. EXPERIENCE.

Cried when I finally had to leave because I was 18 and terrified of the future and didn't know when or if I'd ever see my friend in person again.

Started at community college in the film and video program

2012

Finished my first year of community college

Wrote my first original novel that will honestly never see the light of day. It's terrible ya'll

Through circumstances I still regret started losing my friendship with Gabby and boy do I hate who I was a person during that time

Started my second year of community college

2013

Worked on the X Factor as a production assistant.

Probably around this time that Gabby and I stopped talking which was better for us at that point. Still took an emotional toll to lose a friend that I'd known for 7 years at that point but in the long run we did need the distance (and I'm sorry to throw it all out here like this Gabby if you want it edited tell me I'm just putting it all out lmao)

Through a cosmic aligning of the universe by which I mean a special interest in both Minecraft and Achievement Hunter at the same time, I found a small Minecraft server that I could play on and met some really great people

Started my third year of community college

Oh yeah met @inspector-starfish from the Minecraft server for the first time in person, me and my brother stole her from her college and took her to the state fair with us.

2014

Started easing into talking to Gabby again (I remember the message with new baby Imogen!!!) Which was a blessing

I can't remember if it was 2014 or 2015 but at some point Gabby also hung out with me on the Minecraft server with my other buddies

Worked on Catfish as a Production Assistant for like 2 days and I still think I was fired lmao

My dad was arrested. Which is... The hardest thing to type out. Because everything before 2014 feels so distant because of the events.

He got put in jail and we bailed him out, but a month later he got arrested again and we couldn't bail him out this time.

God help me I'm so glad I had gotten back to talking to Gabby at this point I vaguely remember a sobbing Skype call between us.

I don't even remember what classes I was in at community college anymore that's how bad it is.

I basically dropped out though.

I stopped writing, I stopped drawing, I stopped... Being. That's really what it narrows down to. Only one of my real life friends knew what happened and I broke down everytime I thought about it so i'm pretty sure at one point I had a panic attack on my way to hang out with Friend A, who knew, and Friend B, who didn't.

I did start talking to @rhysispiecess that year. Through a post on here actually (we were also on the same Minecraft server but because I didn't really play that much that I remember after this whole thing I kinda forgot who he was).

I think (maybe???) I also met @belle-sourires and @youllthinkofsomething that year.

We moved from the house we'd lived in 13 years to a little rental house where we had the sweetest neighbors

2015

I spent a lot of time reading and crying in 2015 lmao

Also spent a lot of time talking to @rhysispiecess (the FNAF AU years God bless them for being a much needed distraction from real life)

Dad went to actual prison and boy that's an experience having to visit him there every week

We moved again this time to a small apartment

Got my first real job that wasn't being a production assistant (the same job I still have!)

Started to make actual attempts at writing again but struggled with it a lot

2016

For the first time since 2014 I actually wrote more than a simple one off story of the course of a month

Saved up my money and went to California to meet @rhysispiecess and @27thousandlizards.

Confused the shit out of Luke's (@27thousandlizards ) grandma

Was so tired I cried when I saw how little Corgi puppies are

Got to see @inspector-starfish and @youllthinkofsomething in San Diego where they were doing a robot thing as usual

Got to see the end bit of Route 66 cause wouldn't you know Rhys lives right near it (and as a huge Cars fan oh my God FATE)

Had an absolute blast with both Rhys and Luke and cried when I had to leave them because boy do I love friends

2017

Cars 3 came out and I transcended to a higher plane of being

Okay not really but I'm sure ya'll remember the days where I was mostly a Cars blog

100% I know I've said this before but all of the Cars movies have hit with specific messages at exactly the point in my life I needed to hear those messages so like. Poetic cinema.

Made some fantastic friends from those days

After 11 years of attempts at writing a redemption arc for a certain Cars character I finally wrote one and IT WAS GREAT

Cars 3 also managed to make me write again which has continued to be a struggle since 2014

Oh yeah became single again I was in a relationship but that ended TIME FOR ALONE (learned I'm still a terrible person who doesn't handle relationships well so hey not bad I'll leave people out of my overly anxious 'they must hate me' mentality)

2018

Fell out of writing again after the Cars 3 hype died down enough lmao

Got to meet @whipplefilter and @the-kings-tail-fin for a road trip around NC which was fantastic

Played way too much Nintendo Switch

Gabby got engaged and I absolutely cried for like an hour because how the fuck do you not cry when someone you've known for so long gets engaged (I'm still so happy for her @onetruejonsey seems like a really wonderful guy)

Oh yeah we moved again we have a real house now but the neighbors are redneck assholes

2019

Thanks to FNAF Help Wanted, I got whiplashed back into that fandom BUT I did start writing pretty regularly again. In fact I've written more this year than all the years since I stopped COMBINED. Which means I was both in the right headspace to actually want to write again as well as being able to keep myself focused on it.

Met Jodie Benson (ARIEL!!!!!!), Daniel Logan (KID BOBA FETT) and Christopher Sabat at GalaxyCon. Right. I went to my first convention despite being terrified of it

I cried like a bitch meeting Jodie Benson and she hugged me. I told Daniel Logan I'd had a crush on him as a kid and that Attack of the Clones was still my favorite Star Wars (which it is I wasn't lying) and he hugged me. Got to hear Sean Schemmel call Christopher Sabat out for being so friendly that his line was ridiculous which was great because boy did I not have enough money to meet more than three people. Christopher Sabat was fantastic too.

Went to DC with my 3 closest IRL buddies I've known since like 2008 and despite some arguments none of us killed each other. Nearly destroyed my feet from all the walking though. Don't know how we'd survive a trip to Japan which they all want to do.

Started formulating my next novel idea

It's been a long decade. Really the first half feels like it happened to another person.

I want to say, more than anything, if it weren't for Gabby I never would have had the courage to meet so many of my other online friends. She flew over here to meet me when I was 17 and she was 15 going on 16. We were so young and my dad and her mom worked so hard to make sure that we could actually meet each other and I'm forever thankful for that. I went across the ocean by myself at 18, an autistic disaster of a human, and somehow I didn't panic or get lost or anything. Without those experiences I never would have had the courage to do a lot of the things I've done since.

I'm still terrified of the future though. I have no idea if I'll even save enough money to go to England to see Gabby again (and God we actually need to talk more because I feel like a terrible friend ALL I DO IS SEND GIRAFFE PHOTOS). I don't even know what I want out of life.

Here's hoping though that I can continue to have some adventures and meet more of my online buddies in the next decade!

[sextonsharpwinhalstead]

Ava Bekker

Hey you! Are you bored? Great me too, I’ve given this more time than I should, but I’ll say this. Bravo Med. They are not known for doing long plots, they are known for doing a thing and then promptly forgetting the thing. But not with this story. Med has never had a true antagonistic character. Until Ava Bekker.

In the Med fandom she has almost always been maligned, hated, shit-on, and fans are constantly asking for her to be taken off the show. I have no idea if this has shaped the current story for her, but it makes it a bit more interesting. Even more interesting has been the ushering of new blogs on this sight and others who use her face and likeness to celebrate her. But I always wonder what they are celebrating. I’ll give you a clue; It rhymes with her last name.

At some point when the show announced that Norma was being added to the cast, they also mentioned that she would have sexual tension/be a love interest, you know cause, Med can’t hold water. Please remember that statement going forward.

That was it for some of you, so excited to see what would happen with your favorite male protagonist and the new pretty white woman, you were so excited that you stopped paying attention, like almost immediately, to her behavior. Rose colored glasses.

To be fair Med has worked harder than it ever has in order to pull the wool over our eyes. But let me help you see some things.

The very first time we meet Ava it’s pretty clear by her composure and the ever-present smug look on her face that she has an ego. She talks down to anyone who isn’t a surgeon (Ethan) and immediately bumps heads with Connor, who in my opinion over reacted to her comment about Latham. She is set up as a rival and that’s what it seems she is until AFTER she operates on Robin. Ava claims that people in the hospital have been gossiping and she found out all the dirt on Connor that way. I could buy maybe finding out about Robin that way, but Dr. Latham would not entertain gossip in his OR.

What I think actually happened?

Ava took a tour around the hospital noticed an entire wing bearing the name Rhodes and now wanted to know more about the rising star at Med. So, she approaches him in THE most inappropriate and sexual harassing way. She casually brings up his mother’s suicide like she’s talking about buying bread, disrespects his relationship to Dr. Downey and his memory, and then insults the woman she just assisted in operating on, Connor’s girlfriend. Connor lets it’s roll off his back cause if you hadn’t noticed that’s how Connor is, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t upset or offended. She sums it all up by saying all this tragedy is because of him (blaming the victim) and then she does something so off, she says she’s into dangerous men. At this point SHE is the instigator and has made eyes at him (basically since they met).

Connor’s face is NOT intrigued. It’s the same looks he’s been giving her as of late. A feeling of wondering who she is, not because he’s intimidated but because he’s offended, alarmed, and reminding himself to stay cautious. If this feels like a stretch pretend the roles were reversed and Ava was a man and Connor was a woman. Does that scene still seem like a hot couple on the rise? Or a creep who has already crossed a social boundary in the first 5 hours of meeting someone.

From here on out Ava is painted in a confusing manner. She seems to try her best to undermine Connor in their “rivalry” over getting surgeries. She NEVER truly wins. She’s also failing to deal with HER sexual attraction to HIM. Connor NEVER flirts with her, in fact he explicitly states that he wants nothing to do with her and would not like to spend his free time with her. This is after she asks him to get a drink, a request she badgers him with even after he makes it clear he isn’t interested. Once again, reverse the roles, a man who does nothing but question your intelligence all day, makes snide comments about your significant other’s mental health, or your ability to take care of them; then propositions you for a drink. You’d think he was a sleazebag.

But it’s not all negative, Ava realizes she can’t get honey with vinegar, so she makes all the attempts to be nice, but why be nice to the person who’s been an asshole to you? Which is why Connor isn’t, plus it’s obvious she wants to get into his pants and he’s not going to encourage anything, even friendship. Remember ladies, this is probably what you too would do in a sexual harassment scenario.

Then Robin leaves. Connor goes on a sexual bender NONE that include Ava. She is somewhat passive aggressive in her nature with him at this point. This is the part of the story that snowed EVERYONE. She seemed “okay” with it until they made out in the breakroom, went home and had vanilla sex. Whatever, you know it was missionary don’t @ me. But by the next morning she feels like it’s a mistake. This is when I began to side-eye her, never believing we’d be where we are now, but it was wild.

Think about it, this doctor who has been wildly inappropriate (even in front of a patient) FINALLY sleeps with the man she’s been after since day one and now she’s calling time. You could say that sleeping with him was the realization that she had crossed a line that was only meant to be flirty, but I don’t think so.

The line she crossed was one of her mental health. See I have a theory. This is NOT Ava’s first time dealing with obsessive thoughts and behavior revolving around a person. I think she knew she was falling into a dangerous territory.

The only reason I theorize this is because of the hints they give about Ava’s empathy around patients being bed-ridden and unable to live their lives. One could empathize if they had been stuck in a room unable to leave…like in a padded cell.

Also, one line she told a patient: “I believe that whenever you do something out of love, it can’t never really be wrong.”

We aren’t going to discuss the “Steal a win” or even “The means justify the end” because we’ve all seen it. I rather focus on what everyone forgot.

Fast forward to the last half of season 3. Ava is playing nicely with Connor, he is falling in love with her, saying things like “We make a good team” and “Good job in there” but that pesky attending spot is still a point of contention. After his epic failure saving a mother and baby it looks like Ava is going to clench the spot. But he comes in and saves the surgery. Securing a spot at Med AND Mayo. This should make Ava happy, but we’re led to believe she’s hurt doubly because he’s bested her (again) and she’s losing the man she loves. But more than anything I think this episode shows she’s beginning to lose it.

Now let’s get into the premiere. It’s obvious that he wants to stay, and she wants him to stay. He is still putting himself out there and she is still playing aloof. Until he REALLY looks like he’s leaving, a party is thrown, and he has said his goodbyes. But Ava has a trick up her sleeve.  We all know what it is. It’s the first time she does something to control his actions. THIS IS NOT LOVE. THIS IS ABUSE.

The only way Ava has not slept with Connor’s dad (for money) cut herself (to play on his need to save the day) and snitch on him to the board (so she could save him) is if the show is REALLY using the whole “she doesn’t know how to express her feelings” story line but it doesn’t make much sense, maybe in season 3, but now? It isn’t plausible. Ava fits into an OLD diagnosis.

“Obsessive love disorder” (OLD) refers to a condition where you become obsessed with one person you think you may be in love with. You might feel the need to protect your loved one obsessively, or even become controlling of them as if they were a possession.

What are the symptoms of obsessive love disorder?

Symptoms of OLD may include:

·        an overwhelming attraction to one person

·        obsessive thoughts about the person

·        feeling the need to “protect” the person you’re in love with

·        possessive thoughts and actions

·        extreme jealousy over other interpersonal interactions

·        low self-esteem

  I could write a dissertation on how Ava fits all of these. She was immediately attracted to Connor and intensely.

Connor is the only person she interacts with and the only person she discusses almost all the time. We never hear about her life or if she even has one. No holidays with family. Nothing.

The last episode illustrates that as well as her stepping up to the plate to take the blame too.

The last two are going to be seen when Robin shows up. It’s already in the synopsis about her being jealous, and jealously is often accompanied by possessiveness.

Most of these actions accumulate to low self-esteem…

Oh, and lookout for these in the future:

People who have OLD may also not take rejection easily. In some cases, the symptoms could worsen at the end of a relationship or if the other person rejects you. There are other signs of this disorder, such as:

·        repeated texts, emails, and phone calls to the person they’re interested in

·        a constant need for reassurance

·        difficulty having friendships or maintaining contact with family members because of the obsession over one person

·        monitoring the actions of the other person

·        controlling where the other person goes and the activities they engage in

  However, as much as I believe they are going down this route I don’t completely agree with it. Why is that all the women on the show “go crazy”? Especially around Connor.

His mother jumped off a building (she was married to Cornelius so there’s that).

Robin was literally institutionalized and had a complete breakdown in front of her colleagues at the hospital, messing with her sense of integrity and self, and ultimately being the end of their relationship.

And of course, Sarah, who could forget the “How are we supposed to do our jobs if we don’t feel safe Maggie!” scream heard round the ED and of course, tazering a patient.

Somehow, they’ve managed to make the men seem sound even when they have issues.

When Ethan is ready to tackle his PTSD it’s done in the safety of Daniel’s office and intimate chats with Vicky.

Daniel’s is the same, he contacts his psychiatrist on a lovely walk and apologizes to Sarah for his behavior stemming from his depression; no harm no foul.

Even Will, whose behavior is supposed to be “erratic” the last couple of episodes is really just season 1 Will and not anything indicative of needing help.

I don’t like being right, well in this case, a little. But normally when I am its Med letting me down. Med has always been as subtle as a sledgehammer. They can almost NEVER keep a secret, they don’t trust their fans. So, most of you aren’t used to being kept in the dark. I can’t even begin to tell you how sad that just made me to write that. The fact is there is NOTHING to explain her behavior that will make you feel good. No matter how you spin it Ava slept with his father. She did. Ava got mad at Connor for not listening to her and cut herself on his blade; purposely. She did. Ava is the one who anonymously turned him in. She did. Ava is the one who sees herself as a victim, and Connor as ungrateful for everything she has “done” for him. She truly believes she’s is doing the right thing and that’s what makes her so delusional and dangerous. Take a breath, a walk, get a drink. But get good with the fact that the character you love isn’t stable and probably never has been.

#chicago med #ava bekker #mental health

[bookendds-blog1]

my relationship with friendship

Currently, I don't have many close people in my life. After isolating myself from an old circle of 'friends' who I barely spoke to and didn't enjoy being around, I wound up with two close genuine friends. 

Then one chose the old group over me, and we promptly lost connection, and then there were two. 

Then my other friend (and best friend of four years) moved schools and kind of forgot about me. I put a lot of effort in to keep in touch with her, but she quickly replaced me with someone who she had more in common with. I think this is partially my fault since I began to have a depressive relapse earlier in the year and started pushing everyone away from me. But that's not much of an excuse for dropping me I think, since I've been there for her when she went through some very similar shit. Like, I could've walked away any time. I could've said "I didn't sign up for this", and yet, I didn't. Because I valued our friendship and I cared about her. I made sure that she was aware of my relapse, but the most she did was say, "that sucks. you should see a psychologist," and it has never been spoken of since. This sucks.

I still talk with a lot of old friends, but very irregularly and never about anything substantial. That’s why I call them 'old friends' as opposed to just 'friends'. 

The worst is being in a large circle of friends with whom you barely know anyone. Like, if I go to a party I will only know the person who I came with extremely well. I know a lot of people by name, but I don't exactly know anything about any of them, except for what they constantly brag about (the one thing I really don't want to hear about), and I'm not the best conversationalist. That's the main reason I dropped my old friends. I barely knew any of them, so I slowly separated myself from them over time, still keeping connections to the ones I was close with (that didn't go too well, but maybe it was for the best. I don't know. I'm just trying to roll with the punches at this point).

So this year I changed schools, got away from not-friends and tried for a new start. It was senior secondary (which is separate from high school in some schools, but not my old one, so I had the choice of staying at my old school or moving -- my not-friends all chose to stay, I left). This meant that there were a lot of other new people starting at this new school at the same time as me. I figured this would make it easier to make friends. I was wrong. This is my second-last year of school before real life starts, and I have exiled myself from all of my closest relationships.

Since I'm so bad at talking to people and building functional relationships, I became friends with people who I already kind of knew and who also didn't have friends. I became the centre of the group, the main connection that held everyone else together. This was a first for me, and I enjoyed it since my old not-friends would always bitch about how I couldn't organise a group of people any better than I could herd cats. And now I’ve done it. So fuck you guys, you're missing out on the best version of me, not that I care about your opinions of me or anything. But it's also really horrible being at the centre. I feel an obligation to organise events and hangouts, but how am I supposed to know what people want to do or even if they want to hang out in the first place? We are still in the very early stages of friendship, I don't have much 'social energy' for the amount of time I spend talking to people every day, and I just generally don't know how to navigate a relationship with one person, let alone seven people at the same time. 

It's tiring and often feels like I'm wasting my time on people who don’t really care.

See, we all came from a different school, meaning we all have other friends. None of us came from the same circles, so we all had different relationships outside of this group. For me, I needed this new group to replace my old one. I need to find new friends who I can be friends with after school. The new problem is that basically everyone else is still very close to their old friends. Now I don’t know if these people are friends with me because they want to be friends with me or because they just need someone to hang out with at lunchtimes. Scarily, it seems that it is likely the latter since they have said (several times), "we don't need to hang out outside of school, I already see you guys five days a week", which is fair, but it also kind of really sucks. I want to be friends with people who enjoy my company. I want friends who want to spend time with me, not waste time with me.

So now I'm at a point in my life where I don't know if I actually have any real, true, honest friends. And the people I want to be friends with the most are the people who all already have other, better, friends. That's the worst part. And it’s hard to talk about as well, since we aren't super close yet, and we need to build up to that sort of 'best-friend' relationship.

The positive: this has made me think a lot more about how I treat those around me. I spend a lot more time thinking about how I can be a better friend, and improve the lives of those around me. I do still think it kind of sucks some of the time.

A lot of people would blame the lack of similarities for the reason this isn’t the most crash-hot friendship, but I have never seen that as a problem. If everyone is open to new ideas or thoughts, and willing to discuss issues at length, varying opinions don't really matter all that much. A similar sense of humour or specific interest might be necessary for people to 'click', but interests and even sense of humour can change if you are open to it. That's how I'm living my life; openness to new ideas, hobbies and interests, and a willingness to listen. This is great, except for when you're around other introverts who kind of suck at conversation as much as you. It’s hard to listen to a listener. That's actually one of the reasons why I think being too similar makes friendship difficult. But then maybe they don't talk because they don't want to be friends. There have been several instances where I have jokingly threatened to 'guilt-trip' someone into doing something, and they have responded with something like, "its okay, I won't feel guilty, I'm a terrible person." I am always inclined to tell them that I don't believe that because I don't see them as a terrible person, but there are also the ever-present questions in the back of my brain, "so you don't care about me? We aren't friends? I know you would have to feel guilty for doing that to someone, you're not a psychopath, but why not me? Do you really care about me that little? Why do you even bother spending time with me since you obviously hate me so much?" And a lot of the time it is my low self-esteem making things worse, I'm aware of that, but there are also a lot of times where I feel that I don't really have any real friends. 

This specific person who I am trying to build up a rapport with is the sort of person who is quite introverted and can sometimes be pretty awkward to have a substantial conversation with, but I still enjoy talking to him. I still enjoy being friends with him. But I genuinely don't think he enjoys being friends with me most of the time, or he just sucks at conversation.

So now I'm at a place in my life where I don't know what to do. The two people who have been by my side since we were twelve years old have suddenly found better friends, which has forced me to do the same. Fortunately, I have lots of choices and I have found some really nice, cool, fun people who I enjoy being around. Unfortunately, they all have better friends and likely don't view our friendship in the same way as I do. This means I am being forced to get used to being alone. That's the reason I started this blog, so I can vent somewhere since I don't have any friends to vent to. But whatever. Just gotta keep rolling with the punches.

#blog post #my relationship with friendship

[skinks]

Pure Moments i want to remember about my conversation with nothing,nowhere the other night that will be of no importance to anyone else, but where else am i gonna put them huh, it’s my blog:

he had a fractured, or maybe it was a broken ankle? he broke it running and while on bedrest watched all of stranger things in two days. they made him take his cast off at customs lmao

likes synthwave. likes kavinsky!!!

i can’t get over this but he’s smol, like 5′5′’ or 6" maybe

when he first came over and hugged me he was like “aaaah you got the hoodie!” and i told him i had my reaper shirt on too and he said “oh you’re doubled up!!” skdfkjlskdj

it was a GOOD HUG MY DUDES no one arm dealio, no sir, he came at me with his arms out and we HUGGED. i probably said “hi, oh my god”

i think i managed to stutter about how amazing the set was and how much i loved the huge drums, and he was like “oh thanks yeah, we tried to make it-” and that’s when the others came over

one of them asked where the tour was headed next and he couldn’t remember so he went RUMMAGING down the front of his multiple huge layers til he found his lanyard, peered at it, and said “…. birming-ham?????” cute™

said “harry potter is sick” and then got really excited when we told him about the studio tour in london

has cute lil pointy TEETH

im p sure he’s vegan, and he’s big into nature and outdoorsy ecofriendly living, and talked about wanting to start a kind of sustainable community. said he’s rly interested in, and wants to teach bushcraft “and like…. chopping wood” but he said it so lamely after all the passion, it was funny as fuck. someone said he should visit the isle of skye and he was like “that sounds like something from skyrim!”

he said he saw us in the crowd cause we were being… Fairly enthusiastic

said his family are really supportive; i asked if his parents like his music and he got this really shy look and nodded, then told us he went home recently and opened the door to find them playing his album and he was like “mom you’re embarrassing me”

i mentioned this in my other post but i can’t believe we like the same fucking philosopher, how goddamn wanky is that

the other girl had done her own n,n print on her shirt and he took photos and when we were on the train home she got notifications saying he liked the posts on ig…. a sweetheart…

when we were talking about other soundcloud musicians i mentioned loving his collab with yung jza and he said “oh yeah, that dude is super underrated”

he told us his old rap name in like 2006 was “average joe” lmfhgkshfsk

he went to film school, and i saw an opportunity to ask him something i’d always wondered about. on this collab album he made with a producer called oilcolor, there’s a song that uses a sample from a movie, so i said “of all the movies, i was not expecting The Vow” and he started laughing and said “that was oilcolor! he was like ‘i think this’d be tight’ and i was like ‘hmmmmmmmmmm’ and he was like ‘nah trust me, this’ll be tight’ and i was like ‘…….yeah, this is tight’”

it was rly fuckin funny how he said it. saddest emotrap boy n,n thinks the vow starring channing tatum and rachel mcadams is tight

he’s made mountain dew commercials, but now he gets to make music full time which is awesome

i asked if he listened to metal and he said sometimes he skates to older stuff, like iron maiden, and he asked what i’m into and i promptly FORGOT EVERY METAL BAND I’VE EVER HEARD and i said “uhhh, like, more modern stuff” and he went “like gojira?” and i agreed and he said something else but i couldn’t hear

he likes the movies the revenant and captain fantastic

at one point we were talking about the merch (when i bought my hoodie the merch guy asked which shirt i had and i showed him, and he was like “aw man, i’m his friend and i don’t even have that one!” lmao) and i said that i liked the shirt his merch guy was wearing, and we were all peering over at the dude when he looked up, and n,n was like “we’re just making fun of you, don’t worry” jghskdgllhgfhafd

he used to do muay thai!!! i meant to ask if he liked martial arts movies but i forgot :’( next time fer sure

told us Xclusives about upcoming music, shhh

we talked about music a ton obviously and i mentioned this soundcloud rapper collective called disaster club cause i’ve been listening to both their songs all summer and he was like “disaster club? i’m in disaster club” and i thought i misheard him so i was like “wh-what? no fuckin way!”. he said something like, he’s on the producing side but he should try and get on a track and it blew my mind a little

he’s learning the piano, we were talking about making music and i said i played it and he was like “that’s so cool! i’m trying to learn”

he was just… so open about his life, for someone whose persona surrounding the music is so anonymous and defensive, it was really wonderful. plus he was super patient about photos and other ppl coming up to our little convo

one dude came up and was like “you’re welcome back any time, any venue, small venue, my house, my bedroom……… uh- my spare bedroom” and he just laughed and thanked him the dude was actually tungle user suppressyourdemons and in fact said: “ "You're welcome back to the uk at any time, your band can stay in my bedroom (then thought that sounded sketchy) so said spare bedroom" “ sorry i misquoted you my dude, joe was appreciative regardless

shdjjfjckfjsg I forgot that at one point my new pal cammy told him that he listens to his stuff at the gym and n,n was laughing cause his stuff is Sad and totally not workout music, and I was like "so people think you're sweating but it's actually tears?" and he laughed more. I stole that joke from a post about drake but whatever, it made him laugh 

OH YEAH i didn’t realise at the time but he signed my album by underlining his name with a lil reaper scythe… cause skully/reaper motif… idk that’s super goddamn adorable to me. i’m hugging it to my chest rn because two days later i’m still an emotional wreck

he gave my pen back and was like “that is a dope fuckin pen by the way” or something to that effect, then i DROPPED IT and he went to pick it up but he had a broked up foot so i did instead

i know this is all mundane as fuck to you if you’re reading this but i don’t waNT TO FORGET ANYTHING! nothing fuckin nowhere was gonna get my pen for me cause i’m a doofus! he hugged me twice lads! fuck!!

i asked what his favourite video was to make and we joked about the hearse in skully and he was like “yeah that’s just my regular car”

we were all talking at once about our favourite songs of his and i said “bedhead always makes me cry” and he was like “aw man, bedhead? that’s old school” and he looked pleased ;u; 

said he basically wears Hiking Dad clothes all the time

he was great at listening to everything we had to say, he would look and focus on each of us, just as interested in us as we were in him and i’m so so so soosososoo happy i got to experience all of this

fhskjglsgkj while we were talking about disaster club, for some tangential reason i mentioned kpop because one of the verses in a disaster club track starts by quoting exo’s kokobop, and before the word “kpop” was barely even out of my mouth he was like “shimmy shimmy kokobop?”

nothing,nowhere, who i think by now you know means a great deal to me, quoted exo lyrics at me. there’s a reason the whole night feels like a surreal hallucination and that’s why i’m writing all of this down

i mentioned how, when he still had a tumblr i’d written a post and he’d reblogged and replied to it AND HE REMEMBERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he was like “oh yeah, that was a long time ago!”

I KNEW IT WAS HIM WHEN THEY CAME ONSTAGE AT FIRST FOR TWO REASONS! (u gotta remember i’d never seen his face before except for his skullface in the skully video) he was wearing a misogi hoodie, who’s another great soundcloud producer, but the font was like a black metal band lmao. the second reason was his nose. a good nose

the boi’s got Incredible cheekbones. he’s cute as hell but then i’m biased

put his arm right round my shoulder for the photo so i did the same ahhhhhhhhh

i told him how, when i first started listening to his music my main thought was always “is this dude ok?!” and he told us he’s doing better and putting it all into the music and tbh it’s a relief, like. listening to his music has always been cathartic for me,but at the same time i’ve worried about whoever was behind all that pain, for him to be able to write so clearly about depression. but he’s doing well! he said so! i’m extremely glad!

we were talking about the next time he’d be back in the uk and i said hopefully i’d have an n,n tattoo by then and he laughed and said “i don’t even have one yet, and it’s my band! i need to get one”

then we were all joking about something and i said “when you get even bigger, don’t forget about us” meaning the three of us there and he was like “i won’t!”

then he thanked us so goddamn gratefully for coming and said he had to get his cast boot back on his ankle, and i know, i know i am AWARE of how juvenile this sounds but when he hugged us goodbye he hugged me first. i know i was to his immediate left, but it still left me warm and fuzzy

LIKE!!! if that’s how nice it feels to be hugged by someone you’re a fan of, someone to whom you’re, well, just a fan - hugging a s/o must be magical

i’ve hugged so many friends this year. and troy baker. AND NOTHING,NOWHERE! TWICE! 

ok bye

#[aerosmith's don't wanna miss a thing playing deafeningly in the distance] #i pray to god he never sees this #he deleted his tumblr a while back so it's ok #nothingnowhere #nothing nowhere #joe mulherin

[theepolynesian]

Getting His Way

Summary: Dwalin accidently wakes you up in the middle of the night and you learn that Thorin is spending another night away from his bed. You decide to do something about it.

Pairing: Thorin x Reader

Word Count: 1,274

Requested by: @sdavid09​ ​; “An ear infection cause a particular dwarf to become very clumsy at hilarious moments. Originally I thought it could be a Thorin one, but then I realized a Dwalin one would make it hilarious!!! Nori’s cold is hindering his sneakiness. Thorin is overworking himself, and that won’t do for the dwarf you love. So you set up a “spa” day where you don’t let him work and pamper him all day!” 

Master Lists: Drabbles/Imagines, and Completed Series

A/n: I kind of tried to tie in all three and I don't know if it came out good so let me know if you don’t like it so I can try to rewrite it. Also, I tried so hard not to base it off of Feisty Little Hobbit, but I couldn’t resist. It can be read without reading Feisty Little Hobbit, but this could also be an epilogue of sorts.

You quickly sit up in your bed as you hear a noise. Well, as quickly as you can with your baby bump in the way.

It had been six years since your journey to Erebor with your brother, Bilbo, and the rest of the dwarves came to an end. Six years since you and Thorin got married and it had been the best six years of your life.

As queen of Erebor, you already had to attend meetings with noble dams from the Iron Hills and it tired you out immensely. They could talk anyone’s ears off so you really did not feel like dealing with anything tonight.

Not hearing the noise again, you decide to go back to bed. It would not be your first time that you were hearing things.

Right before you drift to sleep, you hear the noise again.

This time you decide to go check it out. You look at the other side of your bed and Thorin was not yet back from his duties and you sigh. The king should deal with thieves, not his queen.

You grab your dagger from under your pillow and stand, making your way to the living area.

The sight that greets you is a pretty surprising one.

Dwalin was currently lying on your living room floor. The side table and coffee table were knocked over and so was the poker for your fire.

“Dwalin?” you ask and he lifts his head to look at you before plopping it back down again.

“Aye.”

“What in Durin’s name are you doing in our house?” you ask, confused.

Dwalin holds up a few scrolls before letting his arm fall to his side again.

“Thorin is spending another all nighter in the council room and he had asked me to bring these here before I went to bed,” he says.

“And why are you on the floor exactly?”

“Ear infection,” he says and that’s all you need to know.

You did not experience first hand, but you saw those who did. Thorin and Dwalin were the main ones. One minute they’d be walking fine and the next they’d be stumbling. You thought it was the funniest thing ever. The falling over part not the infection part. The infection part always made you cuddle into your king even though he insisted that it was nothing.

You sigh.

“VERY well. Just pick everything up before you leave. I am going to go and check on my husband,” you say, tying your robe as closed and walking out the door.

It was very late at night so you doubt that you would happen upon anyone in the halls and those on Thorin’s council and personal guards were members of the company so they knew you well and vice versa.

You shake your head, thinking about how overworked your husband was becoming. Just this week alone he skipped comìng to bed at all. You knew it was getting to him because the bags under his eyes gradually grew darker and darker.

Ah choo!

You pause in your venture.

Who the hell was up at this time of night?

You look around and not noticing anyone, you keep on walking.

Ah choo!

You hear again and you look around confused once more. You narrow your eyes as you see something flutter behind a pillar. You quietly run over to a pillar and hide behind it.

You hear footsteps walking towards you and right before they pass the pillar you jump out shouting, “boo.”

The person lets out a very high pitched squeak and falls to the floor.

You look down, amused to find Nori below you.

“Is there a reason you’re hiding from me?”

“I thought the queen needed a scare,” he says but due to his nasally voice, you hear, “I tot que need scar.”

You laugh, helping him up.

“You’re sick, aren’t you?” You ask and Nori nods making you laugh even more.

“How are you supposed to be sneaky if you keep on sneezing all the time?”

“I tryth,” he replies and you laugh.

“Try harder next time. I am the last person you want to try and scare Nori. Besides, why are you sneaking around at night?”

You narrow your eyes as he shuffles nervously.

“Old habits die hard?” you ask and he nods. You shake your head, turning him around and pushing him back towards the way he came.

“Go to bed before I sick my husband on you,” you say, before turning back around and making your way to your king.

You walk into the council room to find Thorin sitting at a table with Balin, Ori, and Fili and Bofur and Bifur standing guard.

Thorin looks up and smiles at you.

“Amralime,” he says, holding out his hand. You take it and press a kiss to his lips.

He presses a kiss to your swelling belly before pulling back.

You give him a stern look.

“Seven, Thorin,” you scold and he sighs, earning a snicker from Fili.

“I know love but this is important,” he says.

“Bilbo’s sixtieth birthday can wait. We have two months to plan it. That is a lot of time to plan,” you say.

“I’m sorry but it seems like the queen forgot that it is her 50th birthday as well,” Thorin says, raising his brow at you.

You roll your eyes.

“I’m sorry that us Baggins are born on the same day,” you’ retort.

“I think you mean Oakenshield and Baggins,” he corrects.

“Oh for fucks sake Thorin,” you snap and the rest of them laugh at you.

You and Thorin always got into minor arguments and it was very amusing for everyone else. Luckily, in the six years that you have been married, it did not lead to a big blow out. You didn’t think anyone would’ve been able to handle it.

“You are diverging from the topic which is: you’re not getting enough sleep,” you continue.

“It was you who-,”

Your hand latches on to his ear and you drag him up and he winces.

You turn to Balin.

“The king will be indisposed until further notice,” you say before promptly dragging the king back to your chambers thanking Mahal the Dwalin cleaned up his mess before he left.

You find yourself up very early the next morning, getting things ready. Thorin needed a day to relax and you knew exactly how to do that.

By the time Thorin wakes up, its midday and the bath is finally warm enough.

“Up and at em King Under the Mountain,” you say, grabbing Thorin’s hand and tugging, trying to pull him out of out bed. Thorin just growls, before tugging on your hand and causing you to fly over him and land on your back on the bed. He turns over and wraps his arm around your stomach and pulling you close.

“All this work is not good for the baby,” he mumbles into your hair.

“Neither is flying its mother,” you retort.

“Her mother,” he responds.

“His mother,” you argue back and he just tightens his grip on you.

“Thorin, I’m supposed to be pampering you today,” you complain.

He just grunts.

“Just lay with me. You and our baby is all that I need,” he says and you sigh.

“The bath is hot,” you try.

“And so are you which is why you are currently carrying our child. Now, go to bed, please. I promise, I just need you in my arms and I will be rejuvenated.”

You shake your head before doing as you are asked and cuddling into his side. Thorin always got his way.

Those Bolded: I can’t tag you for some reason.

Forever Tag List: @miss-mcbotty​ @sdavid09​ @why-pace-why​@emilyymichelle @bee-wrecker @raisaioana71​@clockworkfall​@dracsgirl​ @imaginesreblogged​@whatthehellisacastiel​@brewsthespirit-blog​ @angstflaff​ @nelswp​

Hobbit Tag List: @jotink78 @arabellaelliana @legolas-bromance​ @thealbersclan @youtubehelpsmesurvive

#Thorin Oakenshield x Reader #The hobbit #thorin oakenshield #bifur #bofur #fili #dwalin #nori #Jed brophy #graham mctavish #dean o'gorman #james nesbitt #ori #adam brown #richard armitage #William kercher #drabble #one-shot #fanfiction

[helplesslyfictional]

Loki Fanfiction - Remember the Old Ways, Chapter 7 - “Disorder”

Author’s Note: I apologize for the lateness of this chapter, since I've been trying to update every week. Since I haven't written in a considerable amount of time, I had difficulty with the structure of this and the subsequent chapters. Any input is always appreciated, since creators don't like to create in a vacuum!

Chapter Summary: Thor adjusts to meeting Sophia. As Loki's future weighs on him, he distracts himself. Pairings: None! These stories are focused on family relationships.

What characters, then?   Loki, Thor, Odin, Frigga, OCs [Sophia]

When? Pre-Thor 2011: From Asgard to Earth, will go through Thor 2011 Warnings: SPOILERS for Avengers Infinity War (under cut), mature themes, emotional trauma and abuse, swearing, anxiety, mentions of mental disorders, medication Taglist: @loki-the-fox; @i-am-loki-and-now-i-speak-up; @trickster-grrrl; @deviantredhead; @mylokabrennauniverse; @leanmeanand-green; @juliabohemian; @latent-thoughts; @lucianalight; @nox-th-lk-sf; @be-a-snake-stab-your-brother; Please let me know if you would like to be added/removed from tags and I’m more than happy to do so! If I added you it’s because I’ve been tracking your blog/work and have noticed you might be interested. :)

AO3 story link; Wattpad

tumblr: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6

Thor was breathing heavily as he assessed Sophia, his hand at the ready to summon Mjolnir from his side. Loki knew that Thor might call the guards if he didn’t explain quickly. Not taking his eyes off her, Thor asked tensely, “Is this who you were talking to?”

“Yes,” said Loki quickly, stepping toward Thor and placing a hand on his arm cautionarily. “She’s not a threat, Thor, she’s not even here.”

Thor looked at him sharply. “I felt her touch me.”

“Yes, well, I haven’t figured that part out yet.” After everything that had happened, Loki felt worn out. However, he wasn’t going to forget his manners. “Sophia, meet Thor, Crown Prince of Asgard.”

She looked at Loki with uncertainty, pursed her lips, then stiffened and gave a slight bow. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, your majesty.”

Loki was impressed with how easily she slipped into such decorum, particularly with their emotional, casual meetings, and made a mental note to ask about it later.

Thor looked Sophia up and down. She was wearing a simple grey shirt, black trousers, and socks. “What are you doing here? This is a private conversation.”

Loki stepped in front of Sophia. “It was actually our private conversation before you barged in,” he said defensively. “That was why I didn’t let you in the door.”

Crossing his arms, Thor gave a sly smile and drew in a breath. “Oh. I didn’t know you were pursuing a woman, you should have told me.”

Sophia’s eyes widened. “Hey!” Loki heard her say, before he grasped her arm to stop her retort. “You’re mistaken, brother, we were merely trying to understand the communication we’ve been having after Osk’s enchantment flared.”

“Has it been troubling you, Loki?”

“No, brother, it has been extraordinary.” As Loki explained what they had learned earlier, Sophia seemed to relax a little more. Thor’s stance also changed from one ready for combat to one of interest. Outside, the sky-shroud began to gather clouds, softening the noonday sun and spitting out a few snowflakes, which landed on the balcony and promptly melted.

“Why this Midgardian woman?” said Thor, stroking his beard. “Why did Osk connect the two of you?”

“Thor, we talked about the third child in the prophecy with Osk. I think that Sophia is - possibly…” Loki didn’t finish the sentence as he realized he hadn’t told Sophia about any of this. He wasn’t ready to tell her.

But if he only had eight years left, then they needed to find out quickly.

Thor’s eyes darted between them both. “Our sister? But...she is definitely not Asgardian.”

Sophia gave a start, uncrossing her arms. “What? Wait, what? What did you say?”

Loki opened his mouth to answer, but Thor was faster. “He didn’t tell you? A prophecy gives the possibility of us having a sibling.”

“No! Did you say sister?”

“Yes, we - “ Thor started, but Loki was finally able to speak over him.

“I didn’t tell you because we aren’t even sure ourselves,” he said, giving Thor a meaningful glance. Thor caught it and gave a little nod.

“Sure of what? There’s nothing to...look into.” She laughed in disbelief. “There’s absolutely no way that’s possible.”

“She did say she was born of her parents,” Loki said to Thor.

“Right! I mean, my mom has pictures of being pregnant with me. Pictures of me in the hospital as a baby, nail clippings, hair clippings, even, which is - admittedly - a little creepy, but hey, she keeps a baby book? She even tells me about my birth every birthday. Every birthday. Which gets weird, ‘cause I’m like 30 and tell her, just hold on, please, I really don’t want it, but she even does it over the phone…”

Loki snapped his fingers. “Sophia!”

She shook her head, saying, “Sorry. Sorry.”

“Maybe Osk got it wrong,” said Thor. “Since she was near death.” He absent-mindedly stroked his abdomen, a motion Loki hadn’t seen before from his brother. “If she could be wrong then perhaps I am as well.”

Loki sighed, rubbing his temples. “It just doesn’t seem like she would be wrong, Thor. The enchantment didn’t just form this connection, it made me...switch...souls, for lack of a better word. When you were sparring, with Sophia when she was...walking, I suppose.”

Thor closed his eyes. “So that’s what happened. It was disconcerting; I thought I was having another vision.”

“Yes. And while I was speaking with you, Sophia - Sophia swapped with me.”

Thor raised his eyebrows. “When?”

Sophia stirred. “I asked you about your second vision.”

Loki tapped his fingers against his leg as he wished he became impatient. “It’s signs like that which make me think that this is deeper than just...accidental communication.”

“How am I now able to see Sophia now?” asked Thor, frowning and moving closer to her. She stood straighter and raised her chin slightly.

“You’re asking me as though I’m an expert,” said Loki with an ironic laugh. “It seems like it was something Sophia did, to be honest, but I’m unsure.”

Sophia eyed Thor, whose height, similar to Loki’s, was comparatively significant. “I was feeling your emotions, seeing your vision...memory. I don’t understand it, but being around you is...strange.”

“I am very imposing,” Thor said, glancing up at Loki with a smile.

Loki snorted. “Depends on your definition of the word,” he said.

Sophia looked annoyed. “This is not a joke!” she said, going and sitting in a chair. The princes stiffened, and she got up quickly. “Sorry, I forgot about that etiquette. Good to know it’s the same between worlds.” She shook her head. “You are throwing around all these ideas, all these serious things, and I’ve been trying to just listen and absorb. But my body’s been taken over, I’ve been seeing things, and I’m here! On Asgard, meeting literal gods! For a few moments, I was even Loki himself - it’s hard to even comprehend.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “Everything I’m feeling is so strange, but in some ways it just feels so - right.”

To Loki’s surprise, Thor nodded. “Though I do not know how to describe it,” he said.

Sophia closed her eyes. “It’s like when you are writing with pen and ink, scratching against the surface of the paper. Or the hum and fluctuation of a bow just after you release the arrow. The tactile clack of machinery or the resonance in your chest when listening to an actual instrument played. Things that just...feel right.”

Thor nodded, looking at Loki. “Like the vibration of a sword,” he said.

Loki considered what they were saying, and knew he’d felt this a few times. “Holding a healing stone,” he said in response, aware that Sophia wouldn’t know what he was talking about.

Sophia suddenly sat up, looking to the side. “I have to go,” she said in a worried tone, then vanished.

Thor gave a start, and Loki looked at him in confusion. “What is it?”

“I don’t know.” Thor gave a tired sigh. “These past few days have been difficult, particularly with these visions, that’s probably what it is. I hope that by...sharing them...it will help, somehow.”

Loki pursed his lips, the sadness from before coming forward as he imagined Thor’s vision. “Thank you, brother. Perhaps we can make the best of things before then.”

Thor smiled sadly. “I hope so. Until we find out more, can we make sure this stays between us?”

“As long as you don’t threaten me over it, I think that can be arranged.”

Thor nodded. “Thank you, brother,” he said seriously. With that, he walked to the balcony and flew off with Mjolnir, leaving Loki alone in his room with nothing but his creeping thoughts.

----------------------

After attending a concert in the afternoon, Loki retired once more to his room. Normally he would feel peaceful and relaxed being out of sight from his family and the public, but it felt odd, after the intensity of that morning, to be by himself.

Eight years. Thor’s proclamation hung in the back of his mind. Could his future be changed? It seemed that if it couldn’t, Time would not have attempted to balance out this ‘great wrong’ Thor predicted. There would be no reason to have visions, to be claimed as ‘Children of Time.’

Eight years. Eight years until he no longer existed in the universe. Until there was no Loki. Eight years, then, to try and prevent what Thor had seen.

Thor could see the future. Despite knowing about it for a few days and its dour tidings, the confirmation was exhilarating. Loki was himself a little jealous. Seeing the past would likely be useful, but seeing the future was far more prestigious. Even the Seers seemed to have been renowned for that ability. Knowing the past could come through study and careful observation. Thor generally seemed to get the best of everything anyways, but Loki knew he shouldn’t begrudge his brother such a invaluable gift. Even though it would have lent Loki some measure of usefulness if he were to be an advisor at his brother’s side, as he expected.

Although he couldn’t expect that any more. He and Thor would have to discuss what to do prior to the coronation, if they could. Thor was becoming more busy in preparation, and so was becoming more difficult to pin down.

As the evening set in, Loki became restless, trying to keep his mind off his demise. He kept coming back to the idea of visiting Sophia again, even though he felt it was too soon. They’d all done so much that morning.

But what could it hurt? The worst she could do was say no, or be in a situation where it wasn’t appropriate. Briefly, Loki wondered if Sophia had told her parents. Given her first inclinations that she was insane, he thought that she probably wouldn’t risk a similar reaction.

This time remembering to ward himself, even casting a circle to silence his noise, Loki closed his eyes and remembered what it was like to be with Sophia. Barely a second passed when he appeared next to the ragged, flowered sofa. Sophia was sitting on it, reading.

Loki didn’t want to surprise her. “Sophia,” he said softly.

She looked up and smiled, then grew serious. “I thought maybe you’d take some time to process what you learned.”

“Process?” asked Loki, sitting cautiously on the sofa, “I don’t want to think about it further right now, honestly.”

Sophia studied him, then closed the book, setting it on the coffee table. “I can understand that. Sometimes it’s better to wait until you’re a little more ready to do so.”

“I don’t know as I’ll ever be ready,” Loki said, leaning back. “Aren’t you worried about your parents?”

“They’re not home right now, otherwise I would be.” She turned and put both her legs on the couch, adjusting until she was comfortable. “You’re really just looking for something to do, aren’t you. For a prince, it seems like you should be more busy.”

“I’m the second son,” said Loki nonchalantly, “so I have considerably fewer obligations. Plus I’ve made sure I’m not available to be given commitments in the first place.” Sophia grinned. Loki looked around at the room, aware of how cramped and dark it was. “Why do you live here?” he asked.

“I wondered when I’d have to talk about this,” said Sophia. “I live with my parents because I have no money.” She looked at his eyes, seeming to check for judgment.

“Why are you worried about my reaction?” he asked point-blank.

She hesitated. “I suppose you’re from a different society. I don’t know what your culture values, but mine values wealth, hard work, and independence. All of which I’m not doing at an age when many people are ‘supposed’ to be independent.” She did a strange thing with her fingers when she said the word ‘supposed.’

Loki imitated the motion. “What’s this?” he said, unable to keep back a smile.

She laughed. “It’s used to…” she stopped and thought. “I’m trying to put it into terms for someone who doesn’t use our punctuation. It’s used to separate a word and indicate it’s a name for something that doesn’t fit.”

“Like sarcasm, then.”

“In some ways.”

Loki imitated the motion again, which made her snort with laughter. “Asgardian society prizes valor, strength, and bravery,” he said. “In many ways, I also fall short of those virtues when measured up.”

Sophia cocked her head, thinking. “I think it depends on your definitions of those values. Strength doesn’t have to be physical.”

Loki gave a wry laugh. “True, and hard work doesn’t have to mean labor. But if societies are to judge, it’ll be at face value.” He looked around at the room, somehow disturbed that it was the same as his previous visit. “Do your parents not like windows?”

“Ha, they do, which is why they live upstairs,” Sophia said sarcastically. “No, I chose to live down here so that I didn’t have to spend time in my old bedroom. It works out better anyways since I get my own bathroom down here.”

Loki recalled his experience earlier. “Did your bedroom have scalloped decorations on the walls?”

Sophia’s eyes widened. “Yes. How did you know that? Did you see it in my mind?”

“From when I was connecting with you this morning, yes. I think we may have - we may have had similar experiences as children.”

At this, Sophia shrunk back. “I certainly hope not,” she said softly. “What was it that you experienced?”

Loki shifted, suddenly uncomfortable. He didn’t mean to touch on something so deep. He began to worry he might bring up something that might make Sophia distraught. But he wasn’t going to lie about this. “When I was a child, I felt as though I couldn’t...express my emotions without either angering my father or...well, my mother…” He didn’t want to say it. “My mother seemed not to listen to me. So I would try and deal with my feelings alone, staring at scratches on my tiles.”

Sophia pursed her lips, tears glimmering in her eyes. “Yes,” she said softly, then cleared her throat. “I felt very much the same way. My father would get angry, too, and my mother seemed not to care. It was so frustrating, but if I showed my emotions, I was suddenly…”

“Considered too emotional,” finished Loki.

Sophia nodded. “I was told I was overreacting. So I went to my room instead and tried to figure out how to deal with it. That’s why I didn’t want to spend time in my old room. If I look too closely at that wallpaper, there’s just...too much emotion. It’s overwhelming.”

Loki nodded. “I’ve covered mine with a carpet, but I can never forget they are there.” For a moment they shared a look of understanding.

Sophia stirred. “Want to see outside these boring walls?” she asked, a false cheerfulness behind her voice.

“You mean there’s a world outside of here?” Loki asked acerbically. “I thought this was the entirety of Midgard!”

“Stop it!” Sophia said, laughing.

She led him up a set of stairs, where she slipped her sock-clad feet into a pair of oversized boots before grabbing a coat. “It’s the middle of winter here,” she said, then pulled open the door. A wave of cold air blew in as they stepped out into the evening.

The sun was already past the horizon, tinging the clouds and the snow below with pink. The house was surrounded by forest on a hill, with the road leading to further houses that disappeared into the trees.

Not the most spectacular view, but after the past few days, it was a welcome one.

“Welcome to Midgard,” said Sophia, breathless at the cold. “Not as pretty as Asgard, but hey, it’s got its charm.”

Loki gave a smile. “It’s lovely.” He looked up at the stars instinctively before reminding himself he couldn’t figure out his position as he could on Vanaheim.

“Are you cold?” asked Sophia. “I was wondering if you’d feel it.”

“I feel it, but it’s not a problem for me,” said Loki. “You’re about to ice over, I think.”

Sophia nodded, jumping up and down briskly. “I should’ve put on a hat and gloves!” With that they ran back inside.

As Loki moved back to the couch, Sophia stopped by a side table and took a pill. “I needed to do that before I forgot,” she said, grabbing a blanket and wrapping it around herself before sitting down. “Now I’m good.”

“What was that for?” Loki asked curiously. “Sustenance? Pleasure?” Seeing her reaction, he stopped. “I suppose I shouldn’t have asked,” he said, a stab of worry going through him.

She pursed her lips. “It’s medicine.”

He should have guessed that. “I apologize, I’d forgotten that mortals need such things.”

“Yes, of course, it’s just a trivial thing,” she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes, then hesitated. “Although, since you’re connected to my soul - or brain, or mind - you should probably know.”

“Know what?” Loki felt Sophia’s shame conflicting with fear.

“I don’t know if you can feel it or not, but my mind’s not like the majority of humans’. There’s several things going on, but the primary issue is an illness called bipolar disorder. It’s part of the reason I was having such an emotional time when I met you. It’ll take my mind from very, very dark states of mind to blissful ones.”

“I’m trying to understand,” said Loki, frowning. “As you’ve probably surmised, we don’t deal with this issue. I wasn’t even aware there could be illnesses of the brain. If I recall correctly, when you were feeling ill, you believed your mind was playing tricks on you. What you’re describing, however, seems different.”

“Yes, it is different. As you probably know, emotions are chemically created in the brain.” Loki nodded. “This disorder affects your emotions, which influence your thoughts. So even though I don’t want to, my illness makes me feel deep sadness, which can bring up emotional pain. At times though, it can make me feel...ecstatic and I make irrational decisions.”

Loki squinted, crossing his arms. “Interesting. Then the medication cures it?”

Sophia smiled wryly. “I wish. No, it’s supposed to help regulate my emotions. It’s not working, so I think I’ll have to ask my doctor to find a different medication. Each person is different, so we just have to search for what works.” She met Loki’s gaze. “I hope it doesn’t affect you, I’d hate for anyone to feel this way.”

“I’ve just been feeling the emotions,” said Loki, “but they don’t last. I don’t think our connection has changed my perceptions in any way, so I don’t think I’m acting differently.”

“Good,” she said with a sigh.

“Thank you for telling me, though,” said Loki, “It’s important to examine everything possible related to this phenomena.”

“Well, it wasn’t simply for observational purposes,” Sophia said wryly. “I did, you know, want to make sure you were alright.”

Loki pretended to gasp dramatically, clasping his heart. “You...actually care...about me?”

Sophia gave him a playful whack on his arm. While it certainly broke protocol, Loki didn’t care. It was nice to have someone around. “Of course, silly,” Sophia said, laughing.

It felt good to see and feel her brief joys, particularly when he was causing them. She wasn’t afraid to laugh, at least, not in his company, a stark contrast to the seriousness held around his position. The only other person he could really joke with was his brother.

Loki excused himself for a moment, bringing his focus momentarily to Asgard. It had already gotten dark, and he hadn’t lit any lights or braziers in the room, which was ominously stark and still. He wanted to get back to Sophia as quickly as possible, so he forewent lighting anything to grab a pitcher of wine and goblets.

When he returned his focus to her, she was looking at him, amused. “What is that?”

“Asgardian wine,” said Loki simply. “I thought you might enjoy trying it.” He set the goblets on the table and began pouring the rich red-purple liquid out.

“I technically shouldn’t because of my meds,” said Sophia with a sigh.

Loki looked up at her, wide-eyed. “You’re joking.”

“Just because I’m not supposed to doesn’t mean I won’t,” she said, reaching over and taking a goblet. “One can’t just ignore the few pleasures of life we get, especially if they’re pleasures from another world.”

“That’s the spirit,” Loki said jovially, sitting back and savoring the first sip.

He felt a flicker of surprise from Sophia as she looked at her cup. “This tastes different than a typical red wine!” she said, pausing as she rolled the wine in her mouth. “I didn’t start drinking until after I got my master’s, so I’m in no way experienced, but this is...rich? And definitely more alcoholic.”

“It seems you have a low opinion of Midgardian wines.”

“I think it’s more of a lack of experience with any good wine,” Sophia replied. “Even when I was a diplomat, they didn’t serve the expensive wines except at the most prestigious parties. I only got to attend one of those.”

Loki looked at Sophia in surprise. This woman was living in a cellar with no funds; he could barely imagine her in such a prestigious position. “I must’ve heard you wrong, did you say you were a diplomat?”

Sophia nodded and took another sip. “For four years, yes.” She squinted at Loki. “Does Asgard have diplomats?”

“We don’t have formal diplomatic positions,” Loki said, trying to envision Sophia as an envoy. “If you were a diplomat, what are you doing here, with...nothing?”

“I don’t know how diplomacy works in Asgard, but here we serve in appointed positions as a job. I lost my job after - “ she hesitated. A wave of her fear and sorrow coursed through Loki as Sophia looked at her wine. “After some bad experiences in my assignment, I developed a different disorder. I struggled to continue working for another couple years, then I - I gave up and came home to try and get better. It’s not been working, clearly.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” said Loki. While he didn’t understand these illnesses and disorders, he could understand that the mind had a terrible, powerful sway over one’s experience. It certainly made his theory that she was their sibling more dubious. “A fall of status so significant must have been discouraging.”

Sophia looked at him in confusion. “No, no. Status doesn’t have anything to do with...anything. I don’t care about that. I don’t even really care about not working, or not having money.” She rolled the goblet in her hand, watching the wine shift inside. “I think what was most frustrating was not having the flexibility to keep my job while trying to manage my health. As a result, what was most discouraging was having to fight for myself while not having the strength.”

Loki looked down sadly. He knew too well what that was like, to fight, to lack the strength, to give up and give in to the demands of others. Remaining passive in an effort to preserve his sense of self. “I understand.”

“You do?” Sophia said bitterly. “You’re a prince of Asgard, the god of tricks and magic. With all of that at your disposal, how do you know what it’s like?”

“I fight for myself all the time,” said Loki, his anger rising. “I don’t know if you noticed I have a brother who chooses to do as he will and impose himself on others, and a father who demands what I cannot give. I learned long ago that if I was going to get what I wanted, I had to get it in other ways than asking for it from my family or even from others. I deceive and trick them because I otherwise don’t have respect or even love.” He caught himself before spilling anything further. Careful, Loki, don’t say too much. Information runs the court.

Sophia looked him up and down, undoubtedly feeling his response. “I - I didn’t realize. I’m sorry.”

Loki shook his head. “Don’t apologize, there’s nothing to apologize for. It makes you seem weak.” Immediately he chastised himself. You’re sounding like Father.

Finished, Sophia put the goblet down on the coffee table. “I’m still learning there’s a distinct difference from the stories I’ve heard and the person that you are. The same goes for your brother...and the rest of your family. I suppose I should have realized that earlier.”

As the evening waned onwards, discussed further the subject of the Odinsons’ findings regarding prophecies, Seers, and other topics of relevance. Sophia showed a keen curiosity and put ideas together quickly as he filled in the gaps of her knowledge.

Before long, their conversation was interrupted by the slam of the door and footsteps. Sophia shooed Loki off back to Asgard, where he slept more soundly than he expected that night.

#loki #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki fanfic #loki (marvel) #fanfiction #remember the old ways #thor #thor odinson #infinity war spoilers #tw: emotional abuse

[deathbeforednf]

1, 5, 13, 15, 27, 31, 36, 36, 38-47 except for 42, 55, 56, 59, 77, 81, 87, 94, and 95

1. Is a kiss considered cheating? Kisses on the cheek or forehead kisses in a certain context, no. Otherwise? yeah, absolutely. 

5. Tell us some funny drunk story. Aight. So I have a few from my cruise back in February. Drank more on that boat than most of the rest of my life combined. One of the last couple of nights I just went full retard. We didn’t start drinking until 8PM, From 8PM to midnight I managed to max out my 15-free-drink-card. Now keep in mind, I rarely drink beer. These were mixed drinks composed of whiskey, vodka, and rum. I have positively never been this drunk in my life. There were a couple reasons for this. I was dealing with some personal shit during this cruise, so there was a lot of experimenting and getting out of the comfort zone. Second, I was there with three friends, two girls (Hannah and Leah) and a guy (Adam). Adam was hung up on his feelings for Leah and wasn’t handling rejection well, so he was mopey. The two other girls I had alternately been flirting with throughout the cruise were nowhere to be found so I had basically nothing to do except getting blind drunk. So that’s what I did. As the party wound down, Adam found me, realized I was barely able to stand and told me I should stop drinking. I had a rum and Coke in hand, looked him straight in the eye and without breaking eye contact, shotgunned it. Basically the last thing I remember solidly. Apparently we ended up in the cafeteria because the girls were drunk and peckish and me being too drunk to keep track of anything kept asking if the girls were okay. Leah ended up sitting next to me laid out on a bench and apparently I started to get up saying I had to find Leah and make sure she was okay. She tells me “I’m right here, Ben” and apparently I smiled and said ‘Okaaaay good’ and promptly went to sleep on the bench next to her. Adam all but carried me back to the cabin, I threw up (which I’ve never done from drinking before) and my friends pulled the bedding off my bed and wrapped me up in a blanket burrito and I slept on the floor until 3am or so when I was sober enough to climb up to my bed. I remember only tiny snapshots of that, the rest I was told the following morning. Apparently I’m still super protective of my tribe even while completely shitfaced.13. if the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? Stop waiting for someone else to save you or save the world. Get the fuck off your ass and save yourself. Your life is yours alone, rise up and live it.15. If you could choose only one food to eat for the rest of your life, what would it be? Sausage burritos, man. Burritos are life.27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? I’m almost done with “Chasing Excellence” by Ben Bergeron and it’s pretty fantastic. 31. Something you did and are proud of? This is a tough one. About a year ago (wow) I got out of a relationship with someone who I was madly in love with but who was killing me. Down the road, she tried to maintain very regular contact and I had to tell her to stop. All but tell her to go away. I never thought i’d be able to but I had reclaimed my life and I couldn’t let her back in again or I’d have lost it.  36. What would your name your son/daughter? I don’t really want kids. Like. Genuinely just don’t want them. But if that changed, I love the name Katrin for girls. For guys, I’ve always liked Michael.38. Is there someone you want to punch in the face right now? Let’s be real, there’s so many politicians and statists out there it might be easier to sort out who I DON’T want to punch.

39. What was the last gift you received? I think I’ll just count Jordan buying me ice cream the other day.

40. What was the last gift you gave? I bought a 100 pound Dball for my gym so I guess that counts?

41. What was the last concert you went to? Judah and the Lion, Jimmy Eat World, and Incubus with Jennifer. It was pretty great.

43. Who inspires you? Katrin Davidsdottir, Mat Fraser, and my best friend Hannah. 

44. How old were you when you first got drunk? 19

45. How old were you when you first got high? Never have, actually.

46. How old were you when you first had sex? 19. Unrelated to the getting drunk.

47. When was your first kiss? I was 16, senior year of high school.

55. What is your favourite flower? I’m going to start by answering honestly, tulips, and then tell a story just because it’s funny. I was in a store with my friend Laura the other day and I stopped to look at some orchids that were very pretty. She started laughing and she said “You want me to ruin your opinion of orchids? All guys like orchids because they look like vaginas.” And now I cannot see an orchid without cracking up.

56. Any bad habits you have? Sleeping in past my alarm.

59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgusts you? Mayonnaise is probably about it.

77.  Favourite TV series? Going to be terribly mainstream and say Game of Thrones, assuming we’re only talking about current shows.

81. How long have you been on Tumblr? Right around 5 years I think.

87. Meaning behind your blog name? Death Before “Did Not Finish”. Kind of sums up my philosophy for Crossfit and life. I may not win, I may not succeed, but I will die before I quit, before I give up.

94. Do you watch YouTube? Who is your favourite YouTuber? I watch a ton of Youtube. Mainly CrossFit and gaming related. For CrossFit: Crossfit Mayhem and Ben Bergeron; for gaming: Overwatch WTF, TrueVanguard, Th3Jez, Mtashed, and theb33f. Oh, and I almost forgot my honest favourite: Dark5.

95. Share your favourite quote: This is honestly a recent discovery that I’m telling myself every day in an attempt to make a reality. “Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, and your actions shape your destiny.” Ben Bergeron.

[garden-ghoul]

return of the blog, part.... uhhhh

“that’s right, I can’t even reliably count to three. or maybe I can and it’s four I can’t reliably count to?”

That aside, something horrible is about to happen.

THE SIEGE OF GONDOR

Gandalf wakes up Pippin at “the second hour,” which is either 2am or like 9am, depending on where they’re counting from. Pippin stares at his bread butter & milk breakfast miserably and says, “Why did you bring me here?” 

“You know quite well,” said Gandalf. “To keep you out of mischief; and if you do not like being here, you can remember that you brought it on yourself.”

Dude. He’s a teen and he was cursed. Give him a break.

He has to go see Denethor, who treats him rather rudely and then says he’ll be the lord’s esquire for today. Does he know any songs? Well, um, not many that are fitting here... Pippin does not want to sing comic songs or lewd songs to the Steward of Gondor. I just can’t get over this teen thing, he is like a college freshman who got out for the summer after a socially productive semester and now he works for the president. It’s fucking ridiculous. Well, he goes and gets some fancy livery so he’ll look regal enough for Denethor, and it only makes him gloomier. I love all the descriptions of Merry and Pippin being gloomy about being treated like ornaments.

Near sunset he’s finally released from his service (both boring and arduous, though I’ll wager he’s been doing a lot of good eavesdropping) and goes to hang out with Beregond and bemoan the fact that Faramir isn’t here. Oh! How convenient! There’s Faramir’s company right there (what’s left of it), being attacked by Nazgul! LUCKILY Gandalf, who vanished a while ago, seems to have foreseen this; he chases them away with light magic. Pippin runs to the gates to see Faramir coming home, and immediately gets a crush on him. He’s so noble! So tired! Yet so approachable!

Denethor does not really think so. He finds the smallest crack in Faramir’s demeanor as he’s making his report, and verbally eviscerates him in front of the guests. Y’know, for letting the Ring go into Mordor, and also for being alive even though Denethor is the one who told Boromir to go questing. Denethor and Gandalf yell at each other for a while, it’s rather frightening. As Pippin and Gandalf are leaving (Faramir has gone off to get some sleep, thank goodness!) Gandalf says he is filled with foreboding that Sam and Frodo are going via Cirith Ungol. How would YOU have gone, Gandalf? Through the front door? Secret tunnel?

The next morning everyone is gloomy again. They WERE excited about Faramir coming back--the text sort of implies that everyone in the city is a little in love with him--

But now Faramir was gone again. ‘They give him no rest,’ some murmured. ‘The Lord drives his son too hard, and now he must do the duty of two, for himself and for the one that will not return.’ And ever men looked northward, asking: ‘Where are the Riders of Rohan?’

Restless, restless, restless. Electric air. That Good Stuff. Faramir has been sent to Osgiliath to strengthen the garrison:

‘Then farewell!’ said Faramir. ‘But if I should return, think better of me!’

‘That depends on the manner of your return,’ said Denethor.

Ouch. Why do I get the feeling that Denethor will only think better of him if he returns in a coffin? As Faramir leaves, Gandalf tells him that his father loves him. Umm okay but how does that mitigate his awful treatment of Faramir. Doesn’t that make it worse? Right now I’m thinking about how Faramir is probably going to have to fight the Witch King since he’s leading the attack on Osgiliath, and thinking about how Eowyn is the one who kills him, and just being really excited for them to meet. Weary guy who hates to fight but must; frustrated enby who is chomping at the bit to murder some dudes. Honestly doesn’t that describe ALL the best Tolkien ships. Sometimes he does ladies right and it’s so #aesthetic. Wait I think the aesthetic I’m describing is just classic Jewish gender roles. Gentle studious men and women alight with the fire of direct action. I’m gay for both of these genders.

Anyway the next day the Black Host or whatever comes through the wall of the Pelennor Fields, despite the fact that Faramir is still doing his best to hold the rearguard off in Osgiliath. Including, yep, the Witch King. Actually they never refer to him as the Witch King in these books and I’m not sure where I heard it, but it’s an amazing title. Anyway mounted sorties start going out into Pelennor, with Gandalf at Prince Whoever of Amroth at their head. Denethor at least doesn’t let them overextend themselves; he calls them in very promptly so they won’t get trapped or too tired. I get the impression that for quick strikes they have the advantage because all of Sauron’s people are on foot. Oh, except a full third of them died anyway, because Sauron’s forces MASSIVELY outnumber them. Faramir has come back dead or wounded, and EVERYONE is crying. They bring him back to Denethor, who goes up into his tower and people see a strange flashing light and he comes down even more dead-looking than his dead son. I am beginning to suspect that the reason the text has alluded so many times to how far-sighted and well-informed Denethor is, is that he has a palantir. And this is some kind of secret, maybe?

The very last companies who can make it come back in through the gates, and they report that there is no way the Rohirrim can possibly make it in to help them now. The enemy is throwing fire over the walls. They’re throwing severed heads over the walls. Nazgul are circling. Denethor is weeping by Faramir’s body. Gandalf and the prince of Amroth have taken command of the city. There’s an aside here with Gondorians whispering about how elvish the people of Dol Amroth are--the people of Nimrodel. I’m glad there’s at least one version of the story where they found each other again and settled down, even if “the coast” probably wasn’t the land Nimrodel dreamed of that had never heard of war.

Hey, let’s check in on Denethor! Oh, uh, the palantir broke his will and he’s planning to set himself on fire in his despair. That’s cool I guess. Pippin goes to fetch Gandalf, as if he couldn’t possibly have anything more important to do than save one rude old man’s life. Or no, Pippin suspects he is going to kill Faramir as well. He passes Beregond and tells him to stop anything awful from happening.

OMG SORRY I FORGOT EVERYTHING I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PAYING ATTENTION TO BECAUSE WE HAVE FINALLY CONFIRMED THAT THE BATTERING RAM GROND IS INDEED NAMED FOR MORGOTH’S HAMMER. I CAN STOP READING NOW THIS IS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW.

No no jk I will keep reading. I’m extremely pleased though. I have “Grond! Grond! Grond!” echoing in my head nonstop some days. Um anyway the Witch King is there, casting an evil spell to help Grond along, and on the third go it BURSTS the gates open!

‘You cannot enter here,’ said Gandalf, and the huge shadow halted. ‘Go back to the abyss prepared for you! Go back! Fall into the nothingness that awaits you and your Master. Go!’

The Black Rider flung back his hood, and behold! he had a kingly crown; and yet upon no head visible was it set.

Fuck yes.

Somewhere in the city, a cock crows, because having half of Gondor on fire in no way disrupted this chicken’s daily routine. Dawn. And with it, the horns of Rohan.

THE RIDE OF THE ROHIRRIM

The beginning of this chapter has a lot of fun sense description, since Merry is lying awake in complete darkness listening to the distant sounds of the Enemy’s hosts. Smelling the horses. All that. He thinks about how weird it is that everyone is just ignoring him because they know he’s not supposed to be here; Dernhelm seems to have some kind of “understanding” with Elfhelm, the marshal of their company. Sorry. Elfhelm? Elf? Helm? Is that a guy’s actual name? Elfhelm trips over Merry in the dark, and Merry asks What Is Up. As it turns out what is up is Woses, and what will soon be up is all the Rohirrim. I was gonna explain what Woses are but I think it’s way funnier if I don’t.

A Wose has come to offer help to Theoden, since he hates orcs as much as the next guy. Woses, he says, have “long ears and long eyes,” which isn’t especially relevant as far as I can tell but it’s delightful. The leader of the Woses, Ghan-buri-Ghan, knows a secret road! All he wants as a reward is... for the Rohirrim to stop hunting his people like beasts. What the fuck. I can’t believe Ghan-buri-Ghan actually prefers the Rohirrim to orcs. They go through the forest, and it takes all day, but the next morning before dawn they are ready to go do murders. Merry is upset again because he’s actually zero good at fighting and is just going to get himself and others killed.

The king sat upon Snowmane, motionless, gazing upon the agony of Minas Tirith, as if stricken suddenly by anguish, or by dread. He seemed to shrink down, cowed by age. Merry himself felt as if a great weight of horror and doubt had settled on him. His heart beat slowly. Time seemed poised in uncertainty. They were too late! Too late was worse than never! Perhaps Théoden would quail, bow his old head, turn, slink away to hide in the hills.

Then suddenly Merry felt it at last, beyond doubt: a change. Wind was in his face! Light was glimmering. Far, far away, in the South the clouds could be dimly seen as remote grey shapes, rolling up, drifting: morning lay beyond them.

Nice nice nice nice nice that’s some top notch metaphor. Tolkien is sooo good at environmental metaphors and foreshadowing. IDK there’s just something about the way the whole world seems to get in on the narrative, it’s really good. Spear shall be shaken, shield be splintered; a sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Theoden grabs a horn from someone and blows on it so hard it EXPLODES. AND THEY’RE OFF!! Join us next time for

THE BATTLE OF THE PELENNOR FIELDS

#blog of the rings

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My Festival and Travel adventure 2016. Migardsblot- Wolfzeit

Midgardblot Festival 2016 Review/Blog

My personal account of my travels and Midgardsblot festival 2016. And this time its not boring ;)

My hair brain scheme.

(This is my adventure for the summer 2016 it has been titled so if you just want to read about the festival and the music you just go scroll down to the bit you’re interested in.)

So the plan was to embark on a 2 festival one stop off adventure spanning 11 days, well at least in theory. This is coming from a person who can easily come up with hair brain schemes that make complete sense…to her! Bearing mind at this point from the beginning of the year I had already done 3 festivals in 3 months! These were; Ragnarok in Germany (April), Hell fest in France (June) and Ragnard rock in France (July). Yeah…slightly addicted, unmissable line-ups!

Having booked 2weeks off work I wanted to try and do as much with it as I possibly could, staying in Crewe for 2 weeks wasn’t an option! Already having booked one of the 2 festivals it gave me a good indication of a starting point, and I just carried on from there. So it was decided; Norway, then Denmark for a couple days break, then off to Germany for another festival known as Wolfsziet.

A million and one pieces of print outs, emails and other such things I needed to sort out and make sure I had with me as they were conformations of festivals, travel and maps to navigate me. Might have been simpler if I had a smart phone where I could just easily access my emails and retrieve conformation numbers also go on google maps but no this is me and I didn’t even have a credit card. Just three different types of currencies in my pockets of both my cloths and 2 bags, just to be safe. I think as a traveller its more enjoyable going about it where I’m not relying on technology all the time. The week before I had to sort out a couple of errors that had happened whilst booking , a friend of mine had pulled out and hadn’t noticed a few things that needed some attention, this is where it started going downhill before I had even got there. Slight negativity had taking over, and I was tempted to pull out. Mainly due to the fact there was uncertainty that I’d even get to my final destinations and festival and back. Everything was so far up in the air and I didn’t believe it was worth it. Glad I didn’t listen to my head or I would have nothing to write about!

To Norway

The first destination was Norway. Midgardsblot, a modern event based historical Viking lore and culture in Borre Park, Horten. Where actual long dead Vikings buried in mounds located in the area, these where hundreds of Vikings, horses and other such things were laid to rest after a battle. I had heard about Midgardblots first ever festival last year and would have gone if I had the funds. This year I was determined to go so promptly I bought a ticket straight away. My first time not only to this festival but also Norway itself.

Norway is known for having a good few festivals but this one however was completely different and also a massive bonus being it was in August. (No stupidly cold weather for me!) And never ever being there it makes more exciting as you don’t know what to expect. I already had an expectation to this festival having looked at old photos of the following year, and videos and reading posts about it, I was really looking forward to it and still was so clueless to what was going to see.(And honestly the pictures did not capture the sheer beauty and atmosphere in any way)

Not going to lie I was very nervous about trying to find it, countless posts on the Midgardsblot information page which consisted of arranging to meet people at different locations. Briefly I mentioned earlier things didn’t really go to plan at the very beginning due to circumstances. Thinking that things are going to go smoothly on any trip can be construed as naive and you should always be prepared for the worst but sometimes that just part of the adventure and going with the flow is the best advice I can give during such situations. (Plus it makes things a hell of a lot more interesting) Needless to say what happened next for me was completely random but very much welcome, as I was getting in the queue awaiting to board I heard my name… Leigh I turned round and there was a man who introduced himself quite promptly saying he recognised me from the information page. Nice; this means I had someone to get lost with in Norway and sometimes two heads are better than well my head, so that was good. The flight was over and finished with however we were a little late to arrive which ment we had to hurry and get to Horten before it was too late to get travel. I asked my new friend if he knew where he was going, he turned out to be just as sporadic and random as I can be so his answer was “no, I’ll just walk and eventually I’ll get there…” It was then I knew he was a keeper and we were going to have a laugh. Especially when we were told completely different directions to what I had written down in my little travel book which had every single thing I needed to know for my trip and losing it might be a bit of a problem. He just said “I’ll follow your lead” (more fool him!) But we made it completely unscathed and I didn’t get lost…for once! We got to a pub in Horten where we met the master mind behind meeting up and the “celebrity” of the festival, not to mention being serenaded by Folket Bortafor Nordavinden one of the acts of the festival. It was then I knew was I with the right people and had come to the right place.

The journey was tiring which meant we left late to get to the festival which actually turned into an advantage as at the super market we were offered a lift to the festival. However not as smooth when I realised in the queue for the festival I had forgotten my camping pass, luckily they I was allowed to go through. And that’s where it all began…

Just a few tips to travelling to the festival

A tip to those who haven’t been to this festival and are thinking about it for 2017, go directly from the airport on the shuttle to Skoppum, as that will get you to Horten by bus or taxi no problem. If you do end up getting a flight back on the Sunday be aware there are no buses to Skoppum train, there is however shuttle buses but only in the afternoons, so making arrangements to fit that is a must.

Before the music at Midgardsblot

Nothing better than the realisation that not only are you camping next a small fjord sounded by views that can only be described as stepping into an impressionist painting, Where the moon raises reflect so delicately and the trees around the surrounding area are nothing but silhouettes. But also morning noon and night you can cook you food on a bonfire. As some of my fondest memories are being by a bon fire I wasn’t complaining and brought people together with laughter and food. I think one day I just spent ages making cheese toasties to share amongst randoms and friends just for the excuse to do it. Truly magical! Even when it was raining you can look along a field and still have a sense of almost freedom, didn’t matter what the weather was as it created a new way of looking at the surroundings areas.

It wasn’t so apparent where the festival stage and great Viking hall was were at first, as we walked across the grass past the mounds to pitch we didn’t walk past it so it was clearly on the other side of it. Turned out you had to go down a tiny woody area to reach the stage which was great in the daylight…not so great if you forgot a touch at night, made it interesting trying to navigate blind. For a moment I was doing the granny step, where I was going so slow to avoid going into the stingy nettles or knocking into oncoming people.

Festivities and the music

Before any of the music kicked off, it was Folket Bortafor Nordavinden who started the festivities off with a Nordic ritual to the gods, it didn’t matter if you worship them at all it was just there to be positive hopeful beginning to the festival. During the festival there many workshops done by band artist all to do with Viking mythology and history. Any always a recreation Viking battle in between sets. Like the art gallery/museum full to the brim of knowledge and culture but with the added bonus of music. Oh did I mention there was axe throwing? And no before it’s considered it isn’t allowed to do it drunk for various reasons.

As you can imagine Enslaved Wardruna and skuggsja captured the mood of the festival enticing us in pure seduction as we listened and gazed at the atmospheric scenery. All three bands had me from the beginning and whether it was head banging to Enslaved in the rain, dancing next to a fire again the rain to Wadrunna with pleasant company I may add, or just being taken to another place whilst watching Skuggsja, all having a unique effect on me. These three were hands down the best and completely suited this festival, it was truly an honour to watch them.

Other acts were; inquisition, skalmold, L.E.A.F., Kirkebrann, Hamfero, manegarm, melechesh and Tsjuder. And my personal favourites were L.E.A.F for the graceful presence on stage, Tsjuder who dominated the stage with Norwegian black metaly goodness, and could say the same for kirkenbrann also and I’m sure the others were equally as entertaining but I was busy doing whatever one does at a festival that doesn’t involve listening to music.

One such but in a different way, I would like to mention the first band, this band was not for everyone and that was definitely the case for me sorry but my least favourite band was Troll fest.

My favourite moments

Mainly the moments where I was with friends I had met pre or during the festival as they made me laugh and apparently I did the same. And the places whether it was getting lost looking for the super market, sitting by the fjord with 2 Vikings, sitting and gazing at the stars by the bonfire or just laughing in campsite. Didn’t matter where it was fun and full of happiness.

Only one bad moment. I am know to be quite hyper at times (not my fault just how I’m programmed) and as i was sharing a general happy moment with 2 of my friends, a society guard came over and accused me of being drunk! I wasn’t! and I wasn’t causing any problems just being slightly hyper, so i was a little insulted but got over it and enjoyed the rest of my time. So no real worries really.

The silly things that happened in between

It was apparent that I was getting a name for myself and a couple of sayings to boot. The name was “the high girl” and before you say it no not for that reason! It was more to do with the fact that I was next to the fence where people would come and go and every time they passed I would shout in a high pitch enthusiastic tone “hi!!” which actually made me some friends and terrified others. (Truly fun)

“you can have everything I own except the tuna” a comment that I made that could be thought of as slightly rude until you realise it was all in good intension, I needed to make sure i had food to travel but it was a running joke for the rest of the festival.

I know it is somewhat expected at a festival to be somewhat drunk or over excited or just plain loopy, but being drunk while trying to praise an artist and not remember what the hell you might have said is just plain silly and would only happen to me! It happened on two occasion but that one that sticks out in my mind was when was talking to a member of L.E.A.F.

The hike to the super market was a funny moment that me and my two male companions went on. Turns out if you don’t speak out enough then the male directions will take over…and we might be going down the road in a couple of miles in the wrong direction. And in my case in inappropriate foot wear!

In conclusion

The festival was great; the organisation was great, the artists were truly passionate and it was like spending time with family so a return is in order I think.

The next part of my journey The day to leave had come and it was sad, I don’t think anyone wanted to go especially me but I had knew adventures, however there was no sleep involved me even though I tried so getting up wasn’t easy and I was late. On the positive side I could grab a lift from my friends as there wasn’t any shuttle buses and also I didn’t have to catch my coach to the evening. Honestly it was hard to say goodbye to people but I knew I had to carry on, it was time to go to the lake followed by going to Copenhagen…

…..To be continued

#adventure blog #metalfestivals #midgardsblot #wolfzeit #denmark #germany #part1 #norway

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its 10:02 pm dark/chilly/woah!!

Welcome to “8 Questions with….”

Before the cheetah and I teamed up to become the best film reviewers ever,I used to just use films as white noise (I have shared this story in a past blog). Around 2015ish I started to actually WATCH what was on my screen and one of the early films I did take a interest in was a movie called “The Hit List”.  I bought it because it had former teen star Joey Lawrence on the cover looking very dapper and with a very cute blonde. Now I’ll be perfectly honest here,I wasn’t expecting much because I had never seen anyone cast Lawrence in a serious way. But to my pleasant surprise,”The Hit List” was really good and Joey Lawrence was easily the best thing about the film,up to that point,I can say its the best thing he has done and I was really impressed with him. I looked at who the director was to have that much faith in Joey and had gotten such a good performance from him. I saw the name Minh Collins and then promptly forgot it. Now its 2020 and a young PR guy named Phil Herman pings and wants to know if I am interested in talking to a director of a new horror film called “Clown Fear”. I type up Clown Fear up in IMDb and see Minh Collins name,when I looked him up and saw his credits and “The Hit List”,I was pretty pumped. Hell YES,I would love to talk with Minh. I knOw that this man has skills and more importantly,he was into taking chances with his casting choices. To be able to get the best out of a cast is never a easy job for a director and I’ve seen that enough while reviewing movies. Minh Collins is such a director and I really enjoyed putting his 8 Questions together and even more happier that you get to read them……so let’s get going,shall we?  

      Please introduce yourself and tell us a little about your latest project ,”Clown Fear”?

   Hi, my name is Minh Collins. I’m the writer/director of the new horror film “Clown Fear”. This movie was inspired out of frustration while casting another action film called Asphalt Jungle. I had funding in place for that movie but needed to cast a name actor. My team spent about a year in preproduction and were on the verge of signing a big star, but it wasn’t meant to be, because at the last minute we had scheduling conflicts. I was then informed at that time of Lionsgate opening slots for their horror films in the coming year. I immediately switched gears and started writing the script. I knew casting for a horror film would be much easier because I didn’t need to rely on a name actor to greenlight my project. By the way, here’s a great story of how I cast all the female leads in my horror film. I was at a bar in North Hollywood while having drinks at a friend’s birthday party. I was talking to a group of ladies and one thing led to another when someone suggested we all do a film together. It was all talk at the time while under the influence of several cocktails, flash forward a year later we started principle photography on Clown Fear. I kept my word and hired all the girls for the movie. I truly love the casting process on this project because it was so much easier to not rely on one actor to greenlight my project. My producer Asif Akbar and I made all the decisions and as you can see, most of the cast are friends that we have worked with on past projects. There are so many amazing talents in LA.

 What was growing up in the Collins home like? Did you always love films even as a young child? Were you parents very artistic and did they encourage you to express yourself?

Growing up in the Collins home was pretty normal. My family loved sports and my brother and I were athletes. We lived in Ventura near the beach so I participated in Jr. lifeguard every summer, played youth football during the fall and little league baseball in the summer. My dad was very involved with us kids and coached our team until we went on to play in high school. Pretty much year round sports for us, so I had aspirations of playing professional sports but an injury while playing on the varsity football team at Buena High School was a setback. My parents wanted us kids to be doctors or a lawyers so being artistic was not encouraged in our household. Growing up, my hobbies were photography and painting.

 When did you know you wanted to get into the film industry and and how did you end up behind the scenes when so many want to be in front of the camera?

While working at U.C.L.A. medical center, I learned about the film industry. My first job was doing background on a T.V. commercial. The first time I stepped on the set, I knew I wanted to direct. I quit my job and started working as a P.A. on the U.S.A. network show called Pacific Blue.  Even back then, I never had any aspirations of being in front of the camera.  I did appeared in a small role in Star Trek Voyager years ago where I played an alien.

   What was directing your first project like? What were three things that prepared you the most for directing? Should new directors do short films as a rule?

I directed my first short film back in 2004. It was a twisted comedy call “Gratuity”. It’s available on Youtube if anyone would like to visit my very first film. I had such a fond memory of that project and also learned so much. This was back when digital was just emerging as the new media and everyone shot in 35mm. I remembered the Canon XL1 was the rage but I didn’t like the looks of it at the time. So I decided to go with the Panasonic HVx 100 that gave the movie a closer to film look. We shot the short in 2 days at the old Holiday Inn on the beach in Ventura. That film led to acquiring funding for my first feature film “Hit List”. So, yes I truly believe directors should do short films. It’s the best way to show investors a sample of their work. I don’t know if I have three things that prepares me to direct a film. It’s more like 100 things but here are three very important things to me. 1. I believe a director needs to have a vision. Without a vision then it’s very hard to convey what is needed from the cast and crew. 2. A director needs to know his/her shots. Either a storyboard or a shot list. 3. This is the one that I believe should be the most important, a director needs to know how to work with all type of different personalities on a set.

 What is the biggest difference between being a film director and a producer? Which hat do you prefer to wear and why?

This is a great question! I prefer to being a director than a producer. The director has all the creative control of the film. Of course things can change in post but I like to also work with my editor to finalize the final product. On this project, we had an extremely short shooting schedule and it was up to me as the director to capture all the shots. I needed to be 110% prepared with my shot list because there’s not enough time to try and figure things it out during the shoot. I like to describe the role of the producer as someone that creates the atmosphere for the director to paint his art.

What was the genesis of “Clown Fear” and why do you feel people are so scared of clowns? How did you draw Grindstone and Lionsgate into the project?

I’ve touched on how the concept of “Clown Fear” was inspired earlier but as why people are afraid of clowns. Hmm? It’s an enigma to me. Everyone has phobias and coulrophobia is definitely a very interesting phenomenon. I’m not afraid of clowns, but I have a theory why. I believe it stems from childhood when parents have a clown at their children’s birthday party. A kid’s first association at the age of five of some weird clown makeup person could be extremely scary on a child’s impression.

   Going into this project, I knew we had a good chance of getting Grindstone/Lionsgate to look at the script. Of course there were no guarantees of them picking up the distribution. I’m glad we were able to finish the deal once we were done with the film.

 How hard is it to co-write a script with another person? Walk us through a typical writing day and tell about your process.

The writing process was very tough because I knew we had a short window to turn it in for approval. I was finishing my documentary at the same time with my producer on a documentary film “Rocking The Couch”. We spent about twelve hours each day for two weeks straight editing and at the same time I would be writing.

 What is the line between “horror” and “torture porn” and how does a director decide when enough is enough in terms of violence?

There are many horror films that I considered torture porn. For me, it’s when the nudity and sexual content stops being a part of the story. I try to stay within a certain criteria for “Clown Fear”. We were able to get the “R” rating through the MPAA board. If it doesn’t pass with the “R” rating then we would have to re-edit the movie to meet the criterias. Fortunately, we passed with the “R” rating the first time through but I knew we were well within the criteria. Each pass can be extremely expensive due to re-edits and re-submissions. Grindstone/Lionsgate would not accept our film if it got an “X”.

 What is the health of the indie horror industry in your opinion?

I believe indie horror industry is doing well in today’s changing market. There was a recent article in Forbes about the horror genre still being the most lucrative for investors. The reason is due to a horror films can be produced at a low cost and there’s a constant demand for new contents from horror fans.

 What three actors have you enjoyed working with the most and what makes them so great to work with?

You guys really ask tough questions. I really enjoyed working with so many actors over the years. I had such a great time working with Joey Lawrence on “Hit List”. Joey and I had the same understanding of the script and we saw his character in the same light. When the lead actor is easy to work with then it makes my job a lot easier and we can focus on being creative. I love working with Darcy Demoss on Clown Fear. Darcy was such a great person to collaborate with on this film. It’s nice when someone is a pro at what they do, then it’s easy to mesh the role into one vision. The other actor that I enjoyed working with is Marv Blauvelt aka Tiny Clown. In life, sometimes being in the right place at the right time is what it takes to get that break. This was the case with Marv, I had problems with the lead actor on the first day of filming and decided that it Iwasn’t going to work out. I had kept Marv on standby and decided that day to do a last minute replacement. Marv gladly dove into the lead role of Tiny Clown and never looked back. He had a lot of energy and passion for the part but just needed some direction to create the persona that made the character come to life. I loved what he brought to the table and there were times I knew it was too over the top and curved him back. I prefer to work with someone that is enthusiastic with a role than someone thinking they are above it and will just go through the motion.

 What scares you?

Well, for one I was never afraid of clowns until we filmed this movie. LoL! I don’t have coulrophobia if that’s what you’re thinking but I have respect for them now. There were so many “fires” during the filming of this movie. We had so many things that went wrong that it became a standing joke with my producer and I. We blamed it on the “Clowns” as if they were playing jokes on us. So after all the craziness that happened, I now believe there was a real clown entity that was there playing a role with the entire production. It’s like the clown spirits watching us, so now I understand why people have a fear of clowns.

 The cheetah and I are flying over to watch your latest film but we are a day early and now you are playing tour guide,what are we doing?

I’m going to run you both by my town of Hollywood Florida. It’s the best hidden gem of the east coast. Most tourists will visit Miami or Fort Lauderdale but nestle between these two cities is my little town of Hollywood Florida. It’s a quaint beaches community with great restaurants and bars on the ocean front. Beautiful sunsets on the intercoastal waters and the best film festival in the state (Hollywood Florida Film Festival). https://www.floridahollywoodfilmfestival.com/

I like to thank Minh for taking the time to talk with us about his craft. “Clown Fear” is out now and can be found at Wal-Mart,Best Buy and other large retailers. While you’re at it,snag a copy of “The Hit List” off Amazon or EBay,you’ll be glad you did!!

Thanks to Phil Herman as well…..this was a lot of fun!

As how you can follow Minh’s next move…….

You can follow him on his IMDb page. You can follow him on Twitter. You can also follow Minh on his InstaGram page.

Thank you for reading and sharing Minh’s interview with your friends and peers. If you’re new to the blog and the “8 Questions with….”series,you can catch up here. Feel free to drop a comment….

8 Questions with………..film director/producer Minh Collins its 10:02 pm dark/chilly/woah!! Welcome to "8 Questions with...." Before the cheetah and I teamed up to become the best film reviewers ever,I used to just use films as white noise (I have shared this story in a past blog).

#8 Questions With #casting #Clown Fear #Film director #goals #Grindstone #Hard work #Hollywood-Florida #indie film makers #indie horror #Joey Lawrence #Lionsgate #passion #Producer #screenwriting #visionary