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spikesbimbo · 3 years

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Drunk in Love

Summary: Getting drunk and confessing your love for your “boy” friend and fucking him was most definitely not what you expected to go down on the usual night.

Pairing: Issei Matusukawa x Reader

Tags: Timeskip!Tattoed Mattsun, softdom!issei Hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, smut, fluff, virgin!reader, Unptrotected sex, non-penetrative sex, fingering, oral, pussy/thigh job, clit slapping, sweet dirty talk, praise, drunk sex

Word count: 7.2k

A/N: I heard pussy job and I wrote a whole ass novel

18+ Minors DNI

You run your finger over the condensation of your empty drink, drawing shapes (or what you thought to be shapes, you couldn’t tell at this point) waiting for your dear friend, Makki to bring you a refill of your cocktail.

“Here ya go.” Makki said as he returned with your beloved Malibu Sunset. The smooth coconut rum bringing you back to your first and favorite drink that you ever got drunk on in high school. You smiling at the memory

“Thanks.” you say. Your reply being mumbled by the liquid already in your mouth.

This all started with Iwaizumi calling Mattsun up, you and Makki hearing “You wanna get wasted?” on the other side of the phone. And with pleasure, you two were already packing your stuff up, shoving yalls “pregame” bottles back in the bag. The three of you made your happy way there climbing through the fence of the abandoned skate park you were in. Needles to say it was abandoned for a reason, but what’s life without a little danger.

You three and the rest of the third years have been friends since high school, meeting in freshman year, and now including Oikawa’s girlfriend. You actually didn’t like Oikawa at first, his “pretty boy” demeanor making you internally cringe. But his personality grew quickly on you, being the perfect target to tease you and Iwa clowning him over everything.

Now back to you on your nth drink, complaining about your previous job that fired you because u got injured, even though you know you wouldn’t have lasted long there anyways because you weren’t that academically inclined. Bright? Whatever you wanted to call it.

And as-usual it wasn’t long before your crybaby ass immediately called Makki and Issei and “tried” your best to tell them what happed with your dramatic self-induced tears running down you race, while Makki urged to you to try to calm down and Issei straight up laughing at the state your were in, snot running out of your nose. You recoiling at the thought, hoping they forgot. (Spoiler, they didn’t)

But now you nanny for a rich couple and you get payed good to play with cute babies all day, sounds good to you! Luckily, you had the week off due to them going on a vacation, you think it was France, no, the south of France. Must be nice.

Cue to now, Mattsun chuckling and leaning on you and Iwaizumi; both of you, especially Iwa, being visibly done with his shit. Him reminding you about the times you bought him some random shit, which you went out of your way for since he always payed for you, like that chopper keychain because you said it reminder you of him.

He didn’t know what compelled you to say his 6’2, tattooed built self looked like a tiny reindeer but okay. It still meant a lot to him, hooking it onto his motorcycle keys. But you knew he appreciated it, despite his appearance he’s a softie.

“You wanna try this’” He says gaining his composure offering you one of the shots he got.

You took one of the mini glasses, not being the type to back down and promptly swung the drink to the back of your mouth, quickly coughing before it even reached your throat.

“This shit is fucking gross.” You coughed out bringing the glass down from your lips.

“Imagine being sober. Can’t relate.” He said taking another shot.

“I guess I should do that but ive passed the point of giving a fuck” You said sending yall into a giggling fit while somehow Makki was thrown in to support yall from falling over. You two carry on laughing ignoring everyone’s stares at you thinking about how much yall fit perfectly together.

Makki rearranges himself to sit back in his chair, far away, from the both of you, whispering “Damn. I’m really third wheeling.” under his breath. Getting a snicker out of Oikawa sitting next to him.

“When your best friends are ignoring you. Sad times.” He continues bringing his bottle to his mouth getting no response.

Issei chuckles and gets up shoving his hands in his pocket reaching for the cigarettes. Pulling them out while failing to find his lighter

“Fuck.” He muttered

“Any’all got a light?”

No one responds so you sacrifice yourself “Yeah” you say reaching into your pocket grabbing out your prized possession of a hot pink, bedazzled lighter that you did yourself, reaching out to hand it to him.

“Don’t lose it” you stated seriously trying not to break a smile.

“K’ sweet cheeks.” He said smirking into the butt between his lips as he walked away. Your face now burning up, hoping that everyone would think it was because of the alcohol.

You mind wanders, thinking about the “dates” you two go on, from watching shows you “forcing” him to watch some romantic anime, to going to the skatepark, to playing video games with the rest of the 3rd years (which you don’t really like but you’ll play for him) and him surprising you with takeout, you bringing out candles trying your best to make it cute with him telling u everything you everything about his day.

And you always tried to remain calm, even though sometimes he deserved to get his ass beat, like that one time he broke one of your favorite pair of heels. It honestly hurt him even more, he wanted you to get mad at him but no, you just acted like nothing happened. Making the guilt rise in him. Let’s just say didn’t have to lift a finger for the next few weeks.

You basically babied him, taking care of all his “chores”, mainly making him food when you were at his place knowing he hated doing it. Makki teasing you for acting like his housewife, leading to you slapping the shit outta him while trying to cover your now red cheeks.

You’ve never been so grateful for your attire at the moment, blessing yourself for not wearing your usual outfits of short skirts and cute tops, defending yourself saying what housewife dresses in beat up vans and baggy clothes. You definitely not imaging yourself in that position for the rest of the day.

You expressed that you just liked to take care of people, which was true. You always looked out for them, bringing an extra umbrella, to bringing cookies you made at 2 in the morning to school, always carrying band-aids (yes, the paw patrol ones you took from the kids you babysit).

You checked the time on your phone seeing it was late since the sun at last went down, your lock screen being your dogs to their complaint since they have a group photos of you all from high school as theirs. To which you replied “They’re my babies” getting a groan and huff out of them.

Seeing the notifications of your group chat you grinned at the contact name you and Issei gave each other; yall jokingly call each other pet names, his contact being honeybun and yours being pumpkin, even including Makki in your contacts as pudding bc then it wasn’t weird, right? no.

“What’re you smiling at y/n?” Oikawa cheekily asks teasing you. You turn to him giving him a dirty look, not having enough energy to deal him right now.

“Don’t listen to his bullshit.” Oikawa’s girlfriend says. You’re thankful for her. She was always on your side, being the only other girl in your friend group. To be honest you just wanted her and you to hang out most of the time, but of course to your disapproval her boyfriend and his friends had to join in.

“Fuck this. Fuck you. I’m sleeping.” You say getting up to her objection, the only thing on your mind wanting to retire for the night.

“You sure you’ll be fine? Let us at least walk you home.” She said already grabbing her boyfriend’s arm.

“Nah, im good. I live right down the road.” You try to say not slurring. The last thing you want is him teasing you even more, especially in this state, knowing you, you’d probably start crying at the slightest irritation when youre this drunk.

You started to “walk” towards your house resting your hand against the brick walls to not lose your balance, leading you to run into Issei. You stopped to watch him lean against the alley holding a cigarette between his index and middle finger.

“I’m hiding like a bitch” He says noticing you, resting his weight against the wall.

“Wanna be a bitch with me? He grinned blowing out the smoke out with his words.

You didn’t reply, just walking over to him, just being around him made you feel warm.

"Fuck its windy.” He says trying to light a new cig.

“C’you make me a house?” He asks.

You go up and put your hands around his cigarette, this not being your first time. Your hands wrap a little tighter to prevent the wind from burning out his flame. He joins you with his free hand helping, finally getting his cig to light.

“Thanks doll” He smirks.

“No problem princess.” You reply earning a laugh out of him.

He takes his first hit with his and your hands still wrapped around it. He gets an up-close look at your hands, noticing how tiny they were, seeing all the scars that he never noticed, making a mental note to ask you how you got them later.

His head gets close to yours for the first time in a while due to his height. You glance at his face, noticing his features seeing some stubble growing on his face.

“You ain’t shave?” You ask, never seeing it in the past, while he was moving back up, blowing the smoke away from you.

“What, you don’t like my majestic beard? “He jokes. Making you giggle almost losing your balance before catching yourself on the wall.

“s’too much work.” He starts. “You wanna shave it for me?” he says slightly leaning towards you. Handing you back your lighter knowing you didn’t need him to carry it because your pants actually had pockets in them for once.

You let out a soft laugh not responding again. He catches on, you got quiet when you were tired and he made out that you were walking towards your house.

“You going home?” he asks already knowing the answer.

“Yeah.” You respond more than happy to have him walk you back, him already moving to walk next to you.

He walks you home, you two talking about random shit, both of you forgetting about your skateboards leaving Makki to deal with them. And even though you’re drunk as fuck you’re still in the right state of mind, carrying a normal conversation with him. But just because you’ve built a tolerance doesn’t mean you can do basic tasks, like walk correctly.

When he reaches your house, he types in the keycode, your first dogs birthday, being glad that you, him and Makki have each other’s memorized.

He leads you into you house setting you on the couch, petting your dogs that ran up to him.

“Mommy’s not feeling too good” He said giving them the affection they deserved.

“Yes I am.” You slurred getting them attention on you now.

He walked over to your counter putting on the playlist that you two made together on shuffle, High fashion being the first to play. You didn’t like when it was quiet because too many thoughts would run though your head. You were in no way sad, singing the lyrics while you were laughing barely being able to hold yourself up as proof.

Remembering you were tired, he takes you off the couch and borderline carries you to your room, , setting you on your plush blankets that you had so many of because it was warm and comfy.

“Easy, there. Try to sit up.”He said, trying to ask you what draws your pj’s were in because he didn’t want to snoop around; neither of you being bothered that you were half naked, what’s the difference between panties and a bikini, he thought remembering the times you’ve been to the beach together.

Well it was maybe the fact that you were clinging onto him because u stumbled into him and he was closest stable thing around and you wouldn’t let go because it was cold and you couldn’t stop shaking.

He ignores his thoughts and grabs the shirt he got out figuring you don’t need to change your bra because you told him and Makki that it was normal to keep it on for a few days after they were in awe as you were explaining how expensive they were. You calling Oikawa’s girlfriend to prove your point as she immediately agreed with you…Sometimes you might have got a little too comfortable with them.

You hear the song in the background change to Love Songs, you humming along, “Hope you smile when you listen.”

You were still holding on to him, your boobs squeezing against him, him only being able to put a t-shirt on you, while you looked up at him with your red glossy eyes making him burn up.

You fidget timidly with your face now in his chest while gripping his sweater. Trying to build up the little courage you had. He tilts your head up making you look at him, wondering what you were thinking about.

You try to express yourself, but you can’t get the words out him having no idea what is going on in your head at the moment.

“It’s okay to be nervous sometimes. Tell me” He gently says reading your body language. He was intuitive, so there was no way you could hide your feelings from him.

But you knew you could trust him, him having full self-control, always staying collected and following through on what he said he’d do. He went out of his way to avoid any friction coming between you two, him never raising his voice or starting an argument.

“We need to talk.” You started. “About something important.”

“Ok…What is it?” He questioned rubbing his hands on your back. You were so nervous, were you really about to say this? Confess your feelings that you’ve pushed to the back of your heart for so long?

“I… I l… I love your face. And the stuff in it. and around it.” You spoke, being surprised you did it stutter.

He stood there, hands stopped moving trying to process what you just said.

“Just you, in general…” You finally confess trying to state three things at once barely getting your words out.

But he understood exactly what you meant, or maybe he was warping what you said to fit what he wanted.

"I don’t even know when I started liking you, but this shit won't go away." You restated

Nope. He clearly just heard you say that.

He doesn’t understand what’s so different about today. Yall have been in this scenario multiple times taking care of each other, sometimes including another into the mix.

You didn’t understand either. You just felt like the time was right, even though you know it wasn’t the best idea to confess while you were drunk off your ass.

But you couldn’t help it, your feelings overflowing, which you never until this day let get the best of you, being vulnerable and trusting is not your usual . Youve never even had a crush on anyone, him being to only in your whole life to make you blush.

Who you been vibin' wit and why I can't make you mine?

You should have seen the signs that you feel for him when he helped that lady that lives down the street from him set up her Christmas lights or when he first met your dog that wasn’t fond of men, but it instantly liked him. And you loved his selflessness it was something you admired and applauded.

“y/n” He tries talking you down, making sure you weren’t just saying this because of alcohol, deep down knowing he felt the same, you always being in the back of his mind.

You were generous with your time too, always being there for him. You knew he was softer than he appeared, he was tender, sensitive and vulnerable. He tried his hardest to not get into situations where anyone would get hurt, like breakups, arguments, and so on.

Which is why he won’t make the first move. He pushes his feelings to the back of his head. He values your friendship more than anything, but he can see what develops. If love is meant to be, it will happen.

I told you I am down for the worse or the better. But I keep sticking to you cause them four stupid letters

“You make me so happy. And I’ll always care about you. Okay? He says breaking the silence, trying to reassure you.

“You mean so much to me—something I can’t even put into words because nothing can compare- I’ve wanted you since that day you tripped and bust your ass in the school hallway I still want you even though you drive me insane.”

“Iss-“ You tried to get out only to have him continue talking over you.

"I love that you can’t leave the house without a jacket. I love the wrinkles that appear on your forehead after you call me crazy. I love that it takes you hours to get ready. I love that you always know how to make me feel better. I love that even when you don’t agree with my decisions you always trust me to make them. I love that when I spend a day with you, I can still smell you on my clothes; and I love that you are the last person I think of before I go to sleep at night."

You stood there awestruck for what feels like eternity until you mustered the bravery to speak “I didn’t expect you to feel the same way-” You said, being dumbfounded because from what you’ve seen treats everyone “nice”, were you really getting special treatment?

He tilts your chin up, locking his dark eyes with yours. “Baby I don’t know if your notice but you and Makki are my only people that aren’t my family that call me my first name.”

He has a point. You think pushing yourself more into him, trying to fuse your bodies together to hide, not relaxing what you were doing to him. He tries to nudge your legs to the side but you won’t let go still clinging onto him.

“fuck” He groans. You pulling back wondering why until you looked down and noticed. A smirk appeared on your face as you reattached your self to him like velcro. You were feeling bold, the liquid courage still in your system driving you to slide your fingers down his chest, looking him in the eyes before stopping at his waistband.

He knows what you’re doing, him being in this position multiple times. Does he really want to ruin your friendship like this? He hasn’t even asked you to be his girlfriend. He tries to push you off him already knowing you were gonna complain. But what he didn’t expect was for you to whimper out his name in that pretty voice of yours.

He tried to keep his calm, blood already rushing down. “You know what you’re doing”

“yeah” You start.

“y’don’t want me?” Giving him your pouty face that you know he’s weak for, hoping that’ll work, insecurity piling up. Was it because your boobs weren’t that big or that fact that you were dressed like man? Was he not attracted to you right now, only liking you when you were dolled up?

“Fuck” You think. You should have worn something cute instead of dressing like a whole ass man even with your makeup fully done. Its not like you were supposed to know you were gonna get fucked today.

His were burning holes into you now, thinking of how to say “No, I would be more that happy to fuck you!” to his best friend, soon regaining his consciousness finally speaking.

“Fuck no doll, ive wanted you for a minute. You know me better than I know myself. How did you not notice my feelings?”

You got me singing love songs, love songs, love songs

“You’re really hard to read” You replied trying to maintain your seductive act, resting your hands back on his chest.

“So are you.” He said lowering his head, you still looking up at him, taking in your gleaming eyes.

Sex ain't the only thing that's on my mind But you get me so excited, whoa

Your heart was beating so wildly that you could only take little sips of breath. His hands running down your waist stopping at your hips.

“Can I kiss you?" He asks "...yeah” you attempted to say as confidently as you could, nodding your head along with it.

His face bent down, hot mouth breathing over you. His lips slowly moved, brushing over yours, the liquor on his lips that you hated; only choosing fruity drinks even though you got relentlessly teased you for it. You pushed further into the kiss desperately wanting more. Your teeth clicking his from being impatient, wanting to suck him in. Your hands sliding under his shirt subconscious desires reaching out.

Irreplaceable Tattoos from your neck that drop down to your ankles

“You’re drunk…” he says snapping you out of your trance.

“So are you.”

He dove in for another kiss much more passionate than the previous one, arguably needy, pusing you on the bed to which you more than happily comply. He tugs back not letting his mind get the best of him, disconnecting your spit trial leaving you panting. “You sure this alright?” He says deep down hoping you still say yes.

You pull him back for your answer, your grabby little hands working their way back up his shirt. He gets the hint and pauses your lips rendezvous, taking off the turtleneck that he looked oh so good in, before seeing his unclothed body. You’re admiring his body in a new way, before just complimenting him whenever he got a new tattoo, now up under him tracing them like a lovestruck teenager.

“When did you get this one?” You quietly ask, his ears closer to you than they’ve ever been.

“I got it that day you faked sick”

“What! You said were gonna take me!” You sulked, turning your head away from his as much as you could, crossing your arms.

He let out a slight laugh before gently taking your face in his hands, guiding you back into the kiss.

This is not really what he imagined for your first time. He’s an old-fashioned romantic who likes to take one step at a time. But then again nothing was ever normal with you. That said, when he falls in love, he falls deep.

“You’ve done this before?” You uttered.

“Hmm?” He mumbles, unmoving his lips from you kissing you, moving towards your neck.

“You still with that other girl?”

“No. I broke it off her, everything that came out of her mouth was bullshit, and no she wasn’t my girlfriend.”

“You didn’t trust her? You added. Trying to distract him until you could think of a way you could say “hey in my 21 years of life I’ve never got passed kissing a guy.”

“Our relationship was purely built on lies, I’d second guess everything she said. He replied, wondering if you were interrogating him.

“Why’d you wanna know?” He asked bringing his face up from your skin.

“…No one’s ever touched me like this, fuck.” You bashfully admitted, thoughts racing through your head that he didn’t want you anymore because you weren’t experienced.

But he knew what was running through that pretty head of yours, his fingers reaching out to with your hair trying to comfort you.

“You’re a virgin?” He curiously asked dragging his hand to your cheek, you leaning into it.

“y-yeah” you muttered trying to move your eyes away from his looking down at his body.

“I thought you had a boyfriend before” he said, softly turning your jaw to make you look at him. Your eyes diverted from his arms back to his eyes.

“We weren’t actually dating” You quickly say trying to clear up the misunderstanding. “He was my friend and seatmate that pretended to be my fake boyfriend to get me out of some trouble” you spewed out “and I guess I forgot to tell everyone that it was fake.”

“Even if we were that doesn’t mean we fucked.” You sheepishly replied.

“So… what trouble did your fake boyfriend get you out of.” He questioned knowing how much trouble it must have been for you, miss independent, to go to such lengths.

“Umm, well…this guy wouldn’t stop flirting with me even after I told him I don’t like him, even following me to my other classes.”

He wasn’t surprised, you were definitely a sight for sore eyes, in fact the prettiest thing he’s laid his eyes on, your beaming eyes, your dimple when you smiled, your pretty face, your “ugly” laugh, he could go on for days.

“Why are we talking about this” You whined, reaching your hand back out to him.

He took a hint and continued kissing you, bringing you closer to him while you attempted to take you shirt off. His hands helping you seeing as that you were struggling, being lost in his touch, finishing by moving you up more on you bed, pushing your plushies out of the way, to your protested because “they had feelings too.”

He ignored you, bending down to pull your panties off stopping once he saw the slick coming through them.

“Fuck baby you’re wet” He breathed dragging his fingers across your clothed slit earing a whimper from you, leaving his fingers drenched.

Shawty, you wanna feel good, I wanna feel good too Don't I make you feel good?

“M’always wet.” you responded.

From what? He questions taking off your soaked cotton panties, tossing them to the side.

“From me?” He smirks bringing his hand back towards your heat. You not even comprehending what he just said, just knowing that you’re ashamed of how worked up you were getting.

You were in awe. You’ve always known his hands were big, but in this situation your mind wondered. His fingers were so much bigger than yours knowing you can barely fit two inside your with out it hurting, and not in a good way.

“Do you know how pretty you are? It’s honestly distracting.”. He says kissing down your whole body, stopping at your breasts, licking lazily around and coming back to the nub. The attention on your nipples making you squirm and he finally lets go, you grateful that he stopped or you would have almost cum, how embarrassing.

“I thought you said were gonna get them pierced” He remembered, you going on a whole rant about how cute they were.

“You said u were gnna get em with me” You looked back on, reminding yourself making him promise to get them with you because you were too scared of the pain.

“That was the same day you played sick and I got that tattoo.” He stated lightening the mood, hoping you can calm yourself down before you actually embarrass yourself.

He picks back up and continues kissing all the way down your body, you playing with his hair while biting your lip to muffle your moans and whine until he reaches your entrance.

He parted your legs, your pussy laid out before him, believing you no have reason to be shy about it either. He paused, admiring your swollen cunt and puffy clit, you were beautiful.

The feeling that he didn't want anyone else ever in his position overtook him. He let out a little breath on your clit and you thrashed around. He wasn't going to play. “I’ll take care of you.”

His lips travel over your skin, light and heated before settling himself between your legs, grabbing you by your thighs and dragging you closer. “That tickles.” you giggle, nerves making you kick your legs, almost hitting him in the face before he grabs them. He puts them down locking your legs with his arms, lowering himself until he’s on the ground facing you.

“Does it make you nervous when I stare?” he teases while your covering your face trying to hide the blush he caused. He puts his mouth on you, quickly gripping your thighs, his hands leaving imprints in your skin dragging you even more into him, deprived kisses taking over your body.

“yer so pretty” You purred seeing the sight of his big build between your legs, your fingers grabbing onto his curly dark locks, tugging them.

Issei moans, his voice radiating through your body, forcing out a cry, blessing him with your pretty voice. “I-Issei!” You cry, never feeling like this before, your vibrator and hands doing it no justice.

“Shh, just look at me, doll.”

You can barely make out what he says, so drunk on pleasure. You try your best, doing anything to see the pretty man beneath you. But you get interrupted by your pleasure, your back arching not being able to control your body, grinding down to meet his lips, heat rising in you.

He kisses through your wetness playing with your bud. You choking on your spit, back arching again your body tensing up. “Issei,” You beg, grabbing him knowing what you want but not being able to express it. Luckily he can read you like an open book, knowing what you want, driving you over the edge as he makes you see stars. “Good girl,” he sighs when he feels you let go of his wrist letting him bring you your first orgasm.

“Look at your thighs shaking so much.” He teasingly cooed, wrapping his hands around them, bringing you out of your daze.

Shawty, your body is so exciting

Arching your back into the blankets, letting out a whine “Want your fingers.”.

He lets out a condescending laugh. “You need to learn to be patient. You just came and you’re already so eager for more?”

But by the time he finished your body went limp, you were totally weak, body loose-limbed and pliant. Your mind clouded by lust and deep in your own world. You gasped out a little sob, unable to comprehend anything beyond the discomfort and the need to have it gone. You can’t think straight all you can do is take action, grabbing his arm him easing his fingers into to you.

It’s not too tight, is it?” you ask clenching around his fingers.

“Just relax… let yourself feel it” He says barely being able to move in you. Fuck so were so tight.

“I love the way you look with my fingers inside you.” He added starting to thrust them inside you, making you let out a string of moans.

“Look how good you take it.”

“Fuck, you’re so messy.” He groaned feeling the slick running down his hands, before taking them out.

“Issei-i,” You cried when he pulled away, pleasure leaving you, tears coming back.

He shushes you easily, his fingers wiping your tears. You were so precious to him, your moans music to his ears. He slows down repositioning his fingers, making you let out a whimper squeezing around them. Your brains so crowded you can’t focus, can’t gather the strength to speak when he thrust them faster inside you.

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you fell back, fingers curling inside you, chanting his name over and over, incoherent words coming out of your mouth begging for more.

You pussy tightens as you cum, unable to breath, letting out gasps and whines. Him still fucking you, fingers not stopping, pushing them in and out relentlessly feeling both pain and pleasure. You lay there, wet in your own cum not giving yourself a break before you went and got what you really wanted, his cock.

His eyes followed the movement of your hands as they pushed down his boxers, revealing the length of his cock, that jutted proudly from his hips. He was so pretty, so virile and handsome. Wondering how lucky you were to be in such a position with him.

You pushed away those thoughts and focused on him, pulling him forward gently, but he followed his encouragement. One of his hands tilted his cock down toward your lips. “Open your mouth for me, baby.”

You parted them instantly, tongue sliding slightly outward, and then you whimpered as the warm weight of his cock slid into your mouth. You let your eyes flutter closed and swirled your tongue around the tip of his cock not knowing exactly what you were doing, but it was working, tasting the salty tang of the precum that wept from his leaking slit. You moved your tongue as the he put his hand into your hair, gripping the strands and pushing deeper into his mouth.

“You look so good on your knees like that. “He says meeting your eyes once again, almost cumming from the picture below him.

“Slowly, baby, I’m not going anywhere.” He says slowing you down by grabbing your hair, making a pace that you follow.

“Yeah, that’s it, baby, just like that.” Seeing that sinful look in your eyes with your redden swollen lips.

You moan feeling yourself drip down your thighs, getting even wetter giving him head. Trying to ease the discomfort by closing your legs, griding them together, trying to find some friction. Your ears hearing “That’s so fucking hot.” watching the scene unfold beneath him.

Your jaw hurts, trying got make him cum faster using your hands and lips together hollowing your cheeks. “Oh fuck, oh, Jesus, fuck yes, there, just like that, fucking Christ" he groans out, his voice sounded beautiful to your ears, knowing he was about to cum.

He finally lets go cumming in your mouth, you swallowing it all, trying not to wince at the taste. “Did I do good” You ask waiting for his reply. Your doll eyes, so red and worn out looking up at him for approval. Fuck he was whipped.

“Yeah…fuck baby”

I love when you get on top and you ride it

You get back under him, his cock resting on you, drenched and clenching around nothing, resting in your cum. You working yourself up against him.

“What makes you think I’m going to fuck you?” He says to your complaint.

“You’re not ready yet.” he mumbles against your whining. Spreading your legs, slapping your clit a few times before letting his cock rest on your folds. Finally getting “seated” he picks up your legs and puts them both on one of his shoulders your thighs warming his cock, your knees touching his cheek not moving, getting a kick out of how desperate your were for him.

“s-stop being mean” You cried reaching out for him to come closer, needing affection after all you’ve been though.

“Aww, poor baby, you want me to take care of it for you? He says leaning into you, reaching your kiss, tasting the remnants of the cum in your mouth.

He plundered your mouth and slowly teased his cock over your entrance, catching it against your clit and making you whimper into the kiss, clearly wanting to be fucked. Your kiss turned you sucking on Issei’s tongue and lips, biting the swollen pout until his lips were red and puffy. He pulled back and looked down at you, a beautiful mess under him.

His fat cock head pushed between your folds. The moan escaping both of your lips was primal. You were turned on beyond imagination and the way he was thrusting forward, spreading his leaking precum on your wet clit was almost too much. He quickly picked up his pace fucking your folds, his warm head brushing against your clit with every movement, but your greedy self wanted more.

The fact that he made you cum so easily made you proud. Just because you’ve never gone this far with someone else doesn’t mean you’ve never cum, you’ve had a lot of practice over the years, being insatiable, the sheets soaked underneath you from your previous orgasms being proof.

“Keep your eyes open, look at me, baby.” He moans getting your attention him.

You tried, you really tried, but the way he was stroking you, imagining what it’d be like to actually sit on his cock, the lewd sounds echoing in the background leaving you unable to focus.

He taps on your cheek eventually getting you look at him, keeping your mind on him by placing his fingers in your mouth you letting him, hazily sucking on them, not being able to close your mouth.

“Oh, baby, you’re drooling everywhere.” He grumbles. Your spit dripping onto his fingers, the friction of your thighs making him feral, moving at an even faster pace. Your body bouncing with every thrust.

“You gonna cum after I cum on your little clit? Come one more time for me, I know you’ve got it in you.” You sob feeling the puddle beneath you, time slowing, fire pooling in your tummy. Listening to his words you let yourself go. You come with a silent scream as the pleasure ripped through your body, your nails scratching his soft skin. Your vison fading to black feeling him lose his rhythm and moaning a mixture of curse words along with your name, feeling him cum on your tummy before resting his head in your neck while letting your legs go.

“So good for me, look at how much you came.” He says breaking the static. You whining into his shoulder, emotions high, never doing this before.

“I know, baby, I know. I’m right here, just breathe.” He says. You two laying in silence for an unclear amount of time, him rubbing your back while you rest in his chest almost dozing off.

“Are we still…friends?” You croak out trying to hold back your sobs already knowing the answer that you two were defiantly not friends now and never would be just friends again.

“Friends don’t do this type of shit” He maintained grabbing your shoulders to sit you and him up. You were worried, did he only do this with you because he was drunk? You were anxious that you scared him away because you just poured your heart out to him and pushed yourself on him. You left your head down, tears already coming out to your dismay. You moved your hand up to wipe them but he beat you to it.

“Look at me… I love you.” He says holding your cheeks in his palm. You in awe, hoping that you weren’t imagining it, that this was real life.

“R-really” You question making him worry too, preferring to forgive and forget rather than letting this a divide between the two of you in case you went back on your feelings. You were so overwhelmed, never feeling love until this moment, so happy that the person you longed for liked you back. Yours tears running once again.

“Shh, shh, it’s alright...Don’t cry.”

You don’t even know why you were crying, the hangover already getting to you making you get a headache. You groaning in his arms complaining that your head and throat hurt.

“Ill be back” he says detaching himself from you, letting you know he was coming right back.

He walks to your fridge opening it to see every drink but water, having too dig through all of them, especially the absurd amount of apple juice guessing it was your “once a year craving for it”. He finally got you some cold water, putting It in a cup and waked back to your room.

“Issei” you whined not picking your head up from the pillow.

“Shh baby im right here.”

He sat down beside you on your bed lifting your head up. “Here drink this” he reassured, to which you ignored not wanting anything to go in your mouth, just wanting the day, or night as it was now, to end.

“It’s just water, honey, look.” You sat yourself up with his help seeing him in just his boxers, you remembering your still naked, not caring enough to cover yourself. He held to glass to your mouth, babying you, tilting it far back enough to where you could drink it. The water hit the back of your mouth feeling like a shot making you cough.

“I know, it hurts. I’m sorry but we have to” He stated. You continued to drink it, feeling the stinging in the back of your throat, him comforting you, calling you “good girl” which was unsurprisingly working.

He put the cup on your dresser when you finished, climbing back into bed with you leaning your body into his. “Have you ever thought about...us? Y’know, as an...item?” he said causing you to look at him with wide eyes.

“Call me selfish, but I don’t ever want anyone else to touch you.” He insisted making you cheeks flush. You try to think of a way to respond, not wanting to keep him waiting.

“You’re the best thing that has, and ever will, happen to me. Not only am I deeply in love with you, you’re my best friend.” You stammer out, your shaky hands somehow made there way to his neck, letting them fall slowly before he grabs them dragging you in for a kiss before you got to even see his face.

“Everybody has always thought we’re a couple.” He continued taking his time kissing you all over your face. “Then I guess we should be.” You retort, kissing him back before you could see his reaction, not wanted to be embarrassed anymore today. But he caught you, holding you still “Really “y/n? Like deadass?” He asked.

“Yes dummy, I want to be your girlfriend” You say causing him to grin swearing you’ve never seen him smile that big, before he gives you one last kiss.

“I always kiss you on the cheek, why are you blushing now? He teases laying back down, you following along. You just snuggle into him mumbling something along the lines of “m’tired”, he understanding and speaking to you in a soft, gentle voice while helping you to bed, so he doesn’t make it harder for you to sleep by being loud. “I’m here love, I’m not going anywhere.” He whispers into your ear mkanig your heart swoon one last time before you pass out.

“I l-love you issei.” You sleepily mumble.

“Tell me this when you’re sober.” He says stroking your head.

“Just relax, close your eyes...”He murmurs, your heart beating slower every second. Both of you together, lazy, slow presses. Limbs pressed together, chests heaving, fingers trailing down backs, tracing lazy patterns.

“Oh!…” He remembers. “If you really wanna get them pierced, we could get matching ones.”

#haikyuu x reader #issei x reader #matsukawa x reader #mattsun x reader #matsuwaka issei #haikyuu smut #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu headcanons #matsukawa issei x reader #tw drunk sex #tw under the influence

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tippedbykreider · 3 years

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talk some sense to me | j. oleksiak

Word count: 26.2k Warnings: mutual pining, arguing, sex Author’s note: Childhood best friends to lovers so frustrating you’ll want to slap them both. This fic is mostly unchanged apart from a few additional bits here and there (maybe added another 1k total). Fic title is from ‘I Found’ by Amber Run Summary: True friends are hard to find and harder to keep but when a friendship like the one Jamie and Leo share withstands the test of time, it’s clear that there’s something else there. Can two people who know each other better than anyone else be honest with themselves and face down what has always been there between them?

A moment.

That’s all it takes.

One moment that sits like a void and one moment that can change everything, whichever way it goes. This was such a moment, so big that it felt like entire galaxies could fit inside of it and still leave room for more. He waits for her to speak for what feels like forever while she stands on a knife edge, knowing that whatever words come out of her mouth will rearrange both of their lives in ways that they understood would make it impossible to return to how things were not even ten minutes ago.

Yes, it’s a moment that’s terrifying in every conceivable way.

But it’s theirs.

Leonora Harris had lived in Toronto, Ontario for her entire life and couldn’t ever imagine herself being anywhere else. This was something that had her parents scratching their heads on more than one occasion. You see, Bill and Diana had always believed that their daughter would spread her wings and blaze her own path in the world and while they were correct in that assumption, they’d assumed that she’d be doing it somewhere a bit more exotic. There were a lot of things that kept Leonora in the city, one of those things was a huge sense of belonging and a feeling of home that she wasn’t sure she would find anywhere else, another was landing the job of her dreams at the Royal Ontario Museum after finishing university. But perhaps the biggest reason and the reason that she would never allow herself to admit, was because Toronto was the place her best friend also called home, even if it was only for three months out of the year.

True friends are hard to come by and even harder to keep, that’s why people never had an abundance of ‘old friends’, so when a friendship like the one Leonora shared with Jamie Oleksiak comes along, it’s worth sticking around for. Jamie had been a part of her life for as long as she could remember. The memory of their first interaction was now so old that the minor details had started to get a little fuzzy around the edges, but one thing that had remained the same and would always remain the same was the indescribable warmth that memory brought that would flicker in her stomach like the first sparks of a bonfire, before it crawled through her skin until it felt like she was glowing all over.

They’d been four years old, she’d remembered, and embarking on their first day of kindergarten. Jamie had been wearing dungarees that much she was sure of and his hair was a chaotically endearing mop of blonde curls but she couldn’t quite remember if the sweatshirt he’d been wearing was red or blue, not that it mattered, of course. She remembered seeing a quiet flicker in his eyes that she later understood to have been fear and had offered him the biggest smile she could muster.

That simple gesture, that smile, is what had made Jamie find his courage and give her a toothy grin back after he’d placed his raincoat on the peg. It was also what had him waiting for her to do the same instead of running along into the playroom to find a quiet corner for himself. If anyone asked Jamie what he remembered the most vividly from that day he would always tell them the same thing:

‘Her eyes. Her eyes and that smile.’

He also remembered how the butterflies fluttered in his stomach as Leonora approached him, all bright green eyes and thick wavy brown hair that had been put into bunches, presumably by her mother. Even years later, Jamie still wasn’t quite sure how he even found his voice but he was sure, even at the tender age of four years old, that the girl in front of him was going to be his friend. No, his best friend and so with a shy smile and a quiet voice he said, “My name’s Jamieson but you can call me Jamie.”

“I’m Leonora,” she replied with a confidence that far exceeded her age.

Jamie’s brow had furrowed at that and he’d taken to chewing on his bottom lip.

“Leo- Leono-,” he gave a frustrated little sigh as he tried to roll his tongue around her name and failed. “Can I call you Leo?”

“Yeah,” she grinned. “You can call me Leo.”

They’d spent the rest of that morning at the drawing table and neither Leo nor Jamie would be able to tell you exactly what they’d talked about all those years ago, but Leo distinctly remembers sitting next to Jamie while they ate lunch and after he’d learned that strawberries were Leo’s favourite fruit, Jamie had proceeded to give her exactly half of his, counting them out one by one until they both had an equal pile in front of them. He would do that every single time he had strawberries and Leo would do the same for him. They would even do this on the days where they both had strawberries, so their piles would consist of half of Jamie’s and half of Leo’s because ‘friends should always share’.

That mantra was one that they would carry all through their childhood, from elementary school right until the end of high school and even beyond that. It wasn’t just strawberries that he shared with her either, it was near enough everything. What was Jamie’s was Leo’s and what was Leo’s was Jamie’s, that’s just how things were and it extended beyond the material. They shared happiness and disappointments, highs and lows but perhaps the most special thing that they shared was the joy of being able to watch each other find their identities. Jamie had known about Leo’s confidence from the day he met her and it was something that had only grown and blossomed as time went on. He had always admired how sure of herself she was, even as a small child and as she entered her teenage years, Jamie began to understand just how unapologetically authentic she was. It always knocked him back a bit, how outspoken she could be and how she was never afraid to say what she really meant. Even now, more than two decades later, it still had the ability to knock the air out of his lungs.

Jamie had always been laid back and a little bit shy, awkward even. It was something that he’d carried around with him throughout his life, particularly growing up. He sometimes found it hard to open up around people he didn’t know (although anyone would tell you that once he felt truly comfortable it could be difficult to shut him up) and he was often content to go with the flow. On paper, it could have seemed like Leo and Jamie would drive each other up the wall, with Leo’s feistiness contradicting Jamie’s relaxed nature. Yes, they were opposites in every way, but much like fire and water the two of them found ways to create balance and harmony.

Jamie had always felt like he could truly be himself around Leo and that came from not just a place of familiarity, but also of acceptance. She accepted him as he was despite his shyness and despite the fact that he wasn’t as good with words as she was, but more than that, she built him up and encouraged him in everything he did and that is what made it so easy for Jamie to be open with her, not just about his anxieties and the general worries that your formative years bring, but about everything else too. This was something that hadn’t gone unnoticed by Richard and Alison, Jamie’s parents, who couldn’t help but be overjoyed by the spark of confidence their son had whenever he was around the girl with the free and easy laugh and the keen eyes. They welcomed her into their family much in the same way Bill and Diana had welcomed Jamie into theirs and the gruesome twosome (as their families would affectionately call them) were together more often than they were not. It didn’t matter whether they were sitting quietly studying or yelling as they engaged in an overly-competitive game of Crash Team Racing in which Leo would seize and relish the opportunity to gang up on Jamie with his sisters, the bond between them both was clear as day to anyone who knew them and only seemed to strengthen as the years rolled by.

Their after school routine had remained the same throughout the years and usually consisted of going to one of their houses and sitting in relative silence while they completed their homework, helping each other whenever the need arose. As they got older they would retreat upstairs and spend the time before the other would leave to go home for dinner listening to music and swapping mixtape CDs they’d burned for each other. It was one of those CDs from Jamie that had introduced her to TOOL at the age of sixteen and they had quickly become one of her favourite bands, even still to this day and she always felt a warm kind of fondness spread through her body and resonate in her chest whenever she listened to them, the memory of her first exposure to them still clear in her mind as if it had only been yesterday. She had been laid on her bedroom floor with her legs resting up on the bed and Jamie’s rolled up hoodie under her head as a makeshift pillow, a conscious decision on her part despite being offered one of the pillows off her bed. Truthfully, the fluffy down pillow Jamie had suggested would have been a far comfier option but his hoodie was still warm from where it had been on his body not a half-hour earlier and smelled just like his deodorant and shower-gel and, well, like Jamie and that in itself evoked a kind of softness and comfort within Leo that the pillows on her bed couldn’t begin to replicate, although she’d never admit that out loud to him, of course.

“Okay, so I don’t know if you’ve heard of these before but seriously Leo, they’re fire.”

Jamie was leaning halfway over her from his position on the bed as he placed the cd into her stereo. She squinted at him slightly, unsure of exactly when he’d had this particular growth spurt that made him suddenly look comically large on her double bed.

“What genre?” Leo asked as she watched him settle back against her pillows, his feet hanging off the end of her bed by a hair.

“Prog rock,” he replied, giving Leo a questioning look and a laugh as she audibly groaned. “What?”

“Duh? Remember when your dad made us listen to Rush?”

“This is better, I promise,” Jamie grinned as he pressed play on the small remote in his hand.

“Better be.”

Leo closed her eyes and listened as the first muted notes filtered through the speakers of her stereo followed by a beautifully haunting male voice.

‘So familiar and overwhelmingly warm This one, this form I hold now

Embracing you, this reality here This one, this form I hold now, so Wide eyed and hopeful

Wide eyed and hopefully wild’

To this day Leo can still remember the feeling of something stirring within her chest, an awakening almost, as she connected with the lyrics and the intricate melodies and changing time signatures, somehow made stronger by the fact that Jamie was sharing this with her, which meant that whatever the music was making her feel, Jamie must have felt it too. She let herself get completely lost in the melodies and found herself contemplating the meanings behind the words and allowed them to settle in her bones. She opened her eyes as the track finished to find Jamie watching her with an expectant smile on his face, blue eyes shining with something unspoken that she couldn’t quite place.

“It’s good, right?”

“Yeah,” Leo said softly. “Yeah, really good, actually. What did you say this band was called?”

“Tool and when I was reading up on them I found out they’ve been around for years, like since we were born. I found a few of their albums at the second-hand store, you can borrow them if you want.”

Leo looked at Jamie for a breath, a gentle smile playing on her lips and a thoughtful gleam in her eye, before deciding to move from her position on the floor to squeeze onto her bed with him as the next song on the cd began to play. Jamie shifted slightly to accommodate her and wrapped his arms tightly around her back to pull her into him. It wasn’t the first time that they’d laid like that together, nor would it be the last, but there was a flicker of a feeling in Jamie’s chest as he allowed his senses to really come into focus. It was the soft, almost hypnotic beat of the music in the room, it was the smell of pineapple and coconut from Leo’s shampoo that had become her signature scent but above that it was the way in which his breathing followed the same ebb and flow of hers without him even being conscious of it. It was a sense of unity that he wouldn’t truly understand until he was much older but more than all of that it was being lost in this moment with her.

Life continued much as it had before but the start of their final year in high school brought about a series of changes for the duo. Jamie was excelling at hockey and there was a real sense of well-placed optimism that his abilities on the ice would take him far. While he didn’t have a definitive plan (keen to keep the majority of his focus on his studies) he knew that there were going to be some tough decisions ahead. Leo was all too aware of the very real possibility that her best friend could be moving away but she tried not to dwell on it too much to keep the tightness in her chest at bay, focusing instead on attaining the grades she needed to attend the University of Toronto to study History. Their final school year also brought a change in the form of a girlfriend for Jamie and while Leo made every effort to befriend Sarah and give her the benefit of the doubt, she knew that Sarah had a real problem with her and her friendship with Jamie. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust the girl- oh who was she kidding? Of course she didn’t trust her and while Leo tried not to get into the dangerous habit of comparing herself to Sarah and despite her best efforts and intentions, she couldn’t understand just exactly what Jamie saw in the girl.

She’d spoken to her mother at length about it, not least because she couldn’t help but feel a little pushed out and bent out of shape at her sudden demotion to ‘favourite girl number four’ (she would never dream of putting herself ahead of Penny and Hayley in those rankings), but was only met with her mother’s keen eyes that were far too similar to her own for her liking and an annoying sing-song sentiment of ‘sounds to me like someone is a little jealous’, She wasn’t jealous. She wasn’t. She just thought that Sarah was bad news and that was all there was to it but, ever the faithful and supportive friend, Leo would put on a smile and be on her best behaviour whenever Sarah was around and she would never say anything derogatory to Jamie about her whenever she wasn’t. She would pretend like it didn’t hurt like a kick to the stomach when Jamie would change his plans with her plans to go hang out with his girlfriend and worked hard to keep the look of pained disappointment on her face at bay when he would unexpectedly bring Sarah along to the plans with Leo that he did keep.

Despite her feelings of definitely-not-jealousy, and much to her dismay, Leo’s gut feelings of mistrust turned out to be well placed when a sullen looking Jamie had turned up at her house a few days before their leaver’s prom. Leo hadn’t planned to go, of course, given that her first choice school dance buddy would be attending with his girlfriend. That all changed though with Jamie’s revelation that he wouldn’t be going with Sarah.

“I don’t follow,” Leo said from behind her glass of water.

“She um…” Jamie rubbed the back of his neck with his large palm, face flushed slightly in embarrassment. “She dumped me, actually.”

Was spitting out her water everywhere the most appropriate response Leo could’ve had? No and it was something that Jamie would mercilessly tease her about in the future at any given opportunity, but it was all she had in a moment where she was filled with genuine shock and disbelief.

“Fuck off.”

“I’m serious,” Jamie mumbled, his eyes cast downwards to his hands that were in his lap and playing with the hem of his overshirt. “She told me we were done. I found out from Dougie that she was going with Finn Tremblay instead.”

“That jock quarterback? Are you fucking kidding me?”

Leo’s initial shock had quickly dissipated into anger, something that Jamie had gathered from the way her voice had gone up a few octaves and she’d taken to gripping her glass of water so tightly that her knuckles had begun to pale.

“Your glass, Leo.”

She set it down on her nightstand with more force than was necessary and muttered something to herself that Jamie couldn’t quite make out except for a few choice words that included ‘that fucking asshole’ and ‘I knew it’. Her tornadic rage soon quietened to a gentle breeze though as she attuned herself to the sadness radiating from Jamie and she brought herself to look at him with sympathetic eyes.

“God, I’m so sorry, Jame. Really.”

Jamie responded with a small shrug, a desperate attempt at nonchalance albeit feigned that he knew that Leo wouldn’t buy; she knew him far too well for that but it was all he could muster in the moment.

“She didn’t deserve you.”

There was a weight behind those words that surprised both of them and there was a lot more meaning to them too but Jamie didn’t have it in him to push right now and Leo wasn’t about to explore that meaning herself either because truth be told, she’d startled herself with both her choice of words and her delivery. Instead she reached across the space between them where they sat cross-legged opposite each other on her bed and took one of Jamie’s big hands to rub gentle circles across the back of it.

“It’ll be okay,” she spoke gently, her voice a shade above a whisper.

“I know,” Jamie murmured and he meant it too because he knew that Leo was right. It would be okay. It would always be okay as long as he had her in his life.

The pair resolved to make the most of a shitty situation (although Leo was sure to let Sarah know exactly what she thought of her) and, after some last minute dress shopping, Leo had found herself looking uncharacteristically glam to attend prom with Jamie. They’d insisted that it was no big deal but you’d never guess it from the way both parents couldn’t contain their excitement as they took pictures of the duo in front of Bill and Diana’s fireplace. Diana and Alison shared a knowing glance on more than one occasion and were practically bursting with glee as Jamie slipped the corsage he’d bought for Leo onto her wrist. One of the things that struck Jamie the most about that night was the ease in which it was to slow-dance with Leo. He’d anticipated it to be awkward and a little bit uncomfortable, y’know, given that Leo was just a friend and while he couldn’t deny the fact that his heart was hammering in his chest as she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head against his chest, he also couldn’t stop himself from dropping his head lower to nose at her hair either.

One of the things that Leo was consistently described as being by all who knew her was a ‘whirlwind’. Whenever she’d have a spark of an idea she’d add kindling and stoke it, fanning the flames until it was a roaring fire and even the calming waters of Jamie couldn’t quell it. There was no stopping her once she’d set her mind on something and while Jamie appreciated that drive and determination, it had landed them both in hot water on more than one occasion. The first time was just before Leo’s seventeenth birthday when she’d asked him to accompany her to get her nose pierced. He’d discovered as they were sat in the waiting room, much to his horror, that she hadn’t actually told her parents about her plans to get a piercing and although she was of the legal age of consent, he’d still uttered the words ‘this is a really bad idea’; but even he couldn’t deny that the small little stud, which would later be swapped out for a dainty silver hoop, completed her face and served as an extension of her personality. Her parents on the other hand hadn’t quite seen it that way and Jamie remembers to this day, with great clarity, the exact lecture they’d given her the second they noticed the new addition to their daughter’s face and while they’d not blamed Jamie for not stopping their daughter’s impulsive behaviour he couldn’t help but feel like an enabler. The telling-off from Bill and Diana did little to deter Leo and before long she’d expanded her piercing collection with multiple ear piercings and, much to her mother’s dislike, a navel piercing. Jamie hadn’t learned his lesson either though because during the summer after they’d both turned eighteen, he once again found himself being dragged along to a tattoo parlour by Leo to fulfil his best-friend duty of chief hand holder while she got her very first ink.

That summer would prove to be the last one before everything changed. From the moment the pair entered their last year of high school, the reality of their futures beyond school loomed over them. It was easy to ignore for the most part, school served as a good distraction and kept Jamie and Leo busy enough that they didn’t have much time to venture too far down that rabbit hole but these kinds of things have a habit of rolling around, regardless of our best efforts to ignore them, as sure as death and taxes. Leo’s future at the University of Toronto was set in stone with the return of her provincial exam results and while she should have been delighted at the fact she’d be enrolling at her first choice university and studying her chosen degree, the uncertainty of where Jamie would be and what that would mean for their friendship weighed heavily on her mind and with each passing day of summer that inched them towards September, Leo felt as if she had feet like concrete and a head like lead. Jamie sensed this, of course, knowing her better than anyone, even herself and that’s what made the decision to move across the border, so that he could pursue a career in hockey, the hardest thing he’d ever had to do in his eighteen years of life, only surpassed by the conversation neither Jamie nor Leo ever wanted to have.

That evening would stay with Jamie forever like a scar from a wound, vivid and raw at first before fading into something so faint that it’s barely noticeable, except it was still there. It would always be there. The look on Leo’s face was like a knife through his chest and the tears that clung to her cheeks like fresh dew on a rose petal felt like someone was twisting it further into the cut.

“What do you mean ‘you’re leaving’? When? Where?”

“Massachusetts, I’m going to Northeastern University. They have a really good collegiate hockey programme there and-“

Jamie was cut off by Leo shaking her head vehemently as her tears began to flow more freely, her voice strangled in her throat.

“No. You-you can’t. Please, Jame. You could play hockey anywhere, you don’t need to go to another country.”

He swallowed thickly as he watched her, the lump in his throat growing by the second while he willed himself not to cry at the pleading look in her tear-filled eyes. It was ironic really, that the person begging him to stay was the same person who had given him the confidence to take that leap of faith and spread his wings in the first place. If you’d have told Jamie even three years ago that he’d be moving away from everything he’d ever known to a foreign country at age eighteen and take steps towards chasing his dream of playing professional hockey he’d have laughed in your face, but being around Leo and hearing her tell him every single day that he was ‘awesome’ and ‘could be anything he wanted to be in the whole world’ made him slowly start to believe it himself.

“I wish it was that simple, Leo. I do.”

Jamie’s voice was so quiet and raw that he barely recognised it as being his own but it was and Leo heard him. She heard what he was saying and everything that he wasn’t and her eyes closed as her lips were drawn together in a tight line while she held on tightly to the thread that was keeping whatever composure she had left together. She knew deep down that this is what Jamie needed to do, that he couldn’t stay in Toronto and for what? For her? That was a kind of selfishness that Leo wasn’t comfortable with, no matter how tempting it was and no matter how much she wished that she could spend every day for the rest of her life being able to hang out with her best friend, he was destined for greatness. She was sure of it. So she nodded as fresh tears streaked down her face, her voice muted and broken, “I know, Jame. I know that. It’s just… I’m really gonna miss you.”

Jamie reached for her as the first sobs she’d been holding back surged forward, pulling her into his lap from his position at the head of her bed and settling her against his chest. His own tears fell silently into her hair while he held her steadfast, willing the broken pieces of her heart back together with each ‘I’m sorry’ that he murmured against the crown of her head. Jamie had never once allowed himself to imagine a life where he wouldn’t see Leo every day but as he stared down the reality, his new reality, he was thankful for every bit of strength and courage the girl wrapped within his arms had ever given him, and while he knew that it would be hard and while he knew that the sting of missing her would sit heavily in his chest every single day, he knew that it would be worth it all to make her proud.

While the Earth continues on its pilgrimage around the Sun, life goes on. Life must go on and though it hadn’t been the easiest adjustment for Leo and Jamie to make, they’d made it all the same. They managed to talk most days, often Skyping each other as they went about their evening routines and while it wasn’t anywhere close to the real thing, it would serve as a good enough substitute until summer rolled around again and Jamie would be back home in Toronto. It was both a blessing and a curse, how quickly the months collapsed into each other and it felt like no sooner had Leo started her first semester, she was taking her end of first year exams and looking forward to having a couple of months off before September crept back around and she’d suddenly become a second year. The anticipation of seeing Jamie again was only fuelled further by their shared excitement at their plans for their time together. Both of them had celebrated turning nineteen since the last time they’d seen each other in person and while Leo had enjoyed her first legal drink over Skype with Jamie, it wasn’t quite the same knowing that he wasn’t able to have one with her because of the difference in drinking laws but they’d resolved to use their new found legal drinking status to buy each other a drink once he was back home.

His first night back in the city was spent in Leo’s room where they’d laid side-by-side on her bed, fingers intertwined and talked until they were hoarse. It knocked Jamie back a bit, as he listened to her recount her first year at college, how the girl beside him was both different and still the same all at the same time. University had done her good, he thought, and she seemed a little more worldly and wise, or she did in his eyes anyway. But the fire still burned in her belly, brighter than before in some ways and Jamie was struck by the realisation that his best friend, the girl he’d known all his life, was blossoming into a woman. Some things never change though because she’d almost bowled him over as she practically launched herself at him and into his arms when she opened the front door to find him stood on her parents’ porch, somehow even taller than he was when he’d left nine months ago. He’d reluctantly made the short journey home a little after 1am and Leo had slept more soundly that night that she could ever remember.

It was a Saturday night in early-August when the two of them had decided to head into the city to fulfil their promise of buying each other a drink. Leo had suggested The Lab as she’d been there a few times already throughout her first year and had always had a good time. In all their years of friendship Jamie could probably count on one hand the amount of times he’d seen Leo with more makeup on that her usual mascara and Burt’s Bees lip balm so to say he was a little floored as he watched her come out of her house from his spot in the back seat of a taxi was an understatement. Her long chocolate hair was in beachy waves and the upper half of it was secured into two little space buns on the top of her head. His eyes flitted over the celestial print mini dress that hung loosely on her body and down to her signature black doc martens and felt his chest begin to flutter in a most unusual way. She didn’t give him too long to question those feelings though because she was opening the cab door and sliding into the seat next to him before he could really decipher what that was all about.

“Hey!”

“Hi,” he replied, looking at her a little dumbfounded as he took in the smoked eyeliner she wore and the subtle wash of colour on her lips. “You look…”

“Please say ‘nice’,” she whined. “I had a total crisis about ten minutes before you arrived. You should see the state of my room. Clothes everywhere.”

Jamie chuckled at that and his eyes had softened in a way that was both familiar to Leo and different all at the same time. There was the usual friendliness there, sure, but there was something that she just couldn’t quite place hidden within those ocean eyes of his. The easy smirk he was wearing was one she’d seen before though and so she wasn’t surprised to hear that his response was one of playful teasing.

“I was gonna say that you look great, but yeah, let’s go with ‘nice’”.

Leo instinctively rolled her eyes and swatted gently at his bicep with an exaggerated sigh.

“Ass.”

“It’s not like you to wear makeup,” Jamie remarked.

“Yeah, well, figured I’d make an effort seeing as though this is technically a belated birthday celebration.”

“I’m honoured that you thought I was worth the effort.” Even in the darkness of the back of the cab, Leo could still see the shit eating grin that had graced Jamie’s features.

“Who said I made the effort for you?” she replied without missing as much as a beat. “I might be wanting to look pretty for the handsome men of Toronto.”

“What handsome men?”

Jamie cringed as soon as the words were out of his mouth, not only at what he’d said but also at his delivery which had been rushed and a shade accusatory. It’d taken him a little by surprise if he was to be completely honest and he didn’t quite understand why the suggestion had made him feel a momentary pang of annoyance and disappointment all at once. Much like a bolt of lightning though, it had gone no sooner had it come. Leo simply scoffed, not prepared to unpack whatever the hell that was and replied with a gentle roll of her eyes.

“It was a joke, Jame. No one in this city is dumb enough to go out with me.”

The words were there on the tip of Jamie’s tongue, all he had to do was say them but the fact they were there at all had made Jamie’s heart take off galloping and so he swallowed those words down and forced his eyes away from his best friend, because that’s all this was between them, and out of the cab window to look at the passing lights outside.

Jamie had been successful at stuffing the weird tightening in his chest he’d felt from the second he’d laid eyes on Leo down into his stomach and the beer he was drinking was doing a good enough job at drowning it. Leo on the other hand was having a much tougher time of things. Instead of the Long Island Iced Tea hushing her racing mind it seemed to give it more impetus. Why did Jamie have such a knee-jerk reaction to what was quite clearly a joke? Why was she suddenly really impressed at the fact he could sing The Bad Touch word for word when it was something he’d been able to do for years? Why did the plaid over-shirt she’d seen him wear hundreds of times look so good on him all of a sudden? And when did he get so broad? She had questions, lots of them and even her questions had questions, the biggest one being ‘why am I being weird about this all of a sudden?’ It was Jamie. It was just Jamie, her best friend of fifteen years.

She hadn’t planned on having a second Long Island Iced Tea and she definitely hadn’t planned on two turning into three but perhaps the third time was the charm because the whirring in her head had stopped and all she could focus on was the lopsided grin on Jamie’s face as he looked at her from his position on the barstool to her right.

“You’re drunk,” she grinned from behind her glass, in no position herself to make such a statement.

“’m not,” Jamie replied in the way that only a drunk person trying to convince both themselves and everyone else that they weren’t.

“Liar.”

“Says you.”

Leo laughed at that, a little wild and a lot silly and it split Jamie’s face into a huge grin while he brought his hand up to tuck a strand of hair back out of her face. Leo’s laughter softened into a gentle smile, her eyes fixed on Jamie’s. He’d always loved her eyes, he thought, ever since they were small and they were every hue of the forest, rimmed coolly with moss. Their lightness often reminded him of summertime, when the sun-rays warmed each extended leaf and even now, in the darkness of the dimly lit bar, he could see them sparkling like emeralds and while he wasn’t sure if it was the beers that had him feeling a little bolder than usual, he couldn’t stop himself from asking her the question that had been sitting high in his throat since the cab ride there.

“Why’d you say that before? About no one in this city bein’ dumb enough to date you?”

She shrugged apathetically while her fingers busied themselves with the hem of her dress.

“S’true,” she replied. “’m not easy to be around. I know that. You know that, you’ve been puttin’ up with my ass for fifteen years.”

“Leo.”

“What?”

Jamie reached his hand down and squeezed her leg gently, enough pressure just to get her eyes on his.

“I was honestly surprised that you weren’t datin’ anyone. You’re… God, you’re so fuckin’ awesome. Any guy would be lucky to have you as their girlfriend.”

Leo tore her eyes away from his just long enough to get the heat quickly rising in her cheeks under control. Jamie waited for her, his eyes soft and gentle when she finally met his gaze again.

“Any girl would be lucky to have you,” Leo mumbled.

“Tell that to Sarah,” Jamie chuckled quietly in response.

“Sarah was stupid,” Leo said with a vehemence that made Jamie’s stomach flutter and had him leaning in to bring his face closer to hers without a second thought.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He was so close now that Leo felt his reply on the exhale of his breath against her lips. She looked down at Jamie’s mouth and swallowed hard, her eyes closing as he inched his mouth closer and closer until-

“Jamie!”

The warmth of anticipation quickly receded and Leo opened her eyes to see Jamie pulling back from her and looking wildly over his shoulder for the source of the voice. Leo had assumed he’d found it when she felt him slide off the stool beside her, instantly missing his presence, and cross the short distance to the man who’d called his name who turned out to be a guy they’d both known from high school. She knew that she should’ve followed Jamie’s lead and catch up with an old acquaintance and she knew that if her mother knew what she was doing she’d think her to be rude, but Leo’s mind wasn’t in any position to be giving the instructions required to move her legs because while she sat there mindlessly playing with the beer mat that had found itself between her fingers, her brain was already analysing what just happened in about a million different ways while still managing to ignore the complete obvious when it came to acknowledging what it all meant.

The third Long Island Iced Tea was a bad idea, that much was clear to Leo as she awoke the next morning. She was thankful that her past drunken-self had at least had the foresight to bring a pint of water and a Tylenol up to bed with her. She groaned as she hauled herself up the pillows until she was propped up against them, sitting with her head resting against the headboard and cursing the tiny crack in her curtains that was catapulting the morning sunlight right into her eyes. She reached for her water and took a sip to swallow the tablet before taking long, deep gulps until the glass was drained. Leo wasn’t exactly sure why she’d found herself almost kissing Jamie although if you were to ask her a decade later she’d tell you that she knew exactly why, but rather she was simply refusing to acknowledge the glaringly obvious. She chewed on her bottom lip much the same way her mind was chewing over his words to her last night: ‘any guy would be lucky to have you as their girlfriend.’ What did that mean exactly? And why would he say something like that?

She was pulled from her brooding by the obnoxious vibration of her phone against the nightstand. Leo knew who the message was from before she’d even unlocked her phone and while a very large part of her wanted to just forget last night ever happened and carry on as normal, she was also curious to hear Jamie’s thoughts on it all.

Jamie: Hey, just wanted to check in with you. Hope the head isn’t too bad this morning 🙈 x

Leo: Drunk me was a very good friend to future hungover me and made sure I had some water and Tylenol lol I bet you don’t even have one, which is very rude by the way. If I’m suffering then you have to suffer too x

Leo paused for a moment as her thumbs hovered over the keyboard, racking her brain for the words needed to gently broach the subject of last night. She’d hoped that Jamie would save her the trouble but she wasn’t going to be that lucky.

Jamie: I had a slight headache this morning but I imagine it’s nothing compared to yours. You were really going for it with those Iced Teas 😂 x

Leo: Three was a mistake, yes x

Leo: Actually, while we’re on the subject I kinda wanted to talk to you about last night x

Jamie: You mean we weren’t already talking about it? X

Leo: I meant the part where it seemed like you were going to kiss me, specifically x

Jamie: Ah. Yeah. That x

Leo pulled her hand through her hair and sighed in frustration, almost regretting even bringing it up. She was almost certain that Jamie had meant nothing by it, they’d both had a lot to drink, right? Surely this was just one of those things between two good friends caused by too much to drink and they’d be laughing about it in a few months’ time. That was Leo’s take on it, anyway, and she was sticking to it.

Leo: I mean, we were both drunk, right? X

Jamie: Yeah, I guess x

Leo: And I think it was just a combination of the alcohol and still having those feelings of missing you while you were away and I was just so excited that you were home that I got swept up in it all x

Jamie: Right. Yeah, that makes sense x

She chewed on her bottom lip in thought, knowing that really this should have been a conversation they’d had face to face but better to address it now than wait and give them both chance to analyse it to death.

Leo: So we’ll just chalk it up as one of those weird alcohol moments? X

Jamie: Yeah, sounds good to me x

While it didn’t do much to settle her nerves, Jamie’s response was good enough for her and she felt confident enough that the matter could be put to bed and that it wasn’t necessary to give it any more thought. She sent Jamie a final message to tell him that she was going to get up to take a shower and that she’d talk to him later on after she’d got home from visiting her grandparents. Jamie had too decided that a shower was the best course of action, partly to wash the smell of bar and cigarette smoke from his body but also as an attempt to clear his head. He wasn’t entirely sure why last night of all nights he felt like he couldn’t take his eyes off Leo. Sure, she was wearing makeup which wasn’t something that she would usually do but it wasn’t as if that act itself was out of the ordinary. What was out of the ordinary though was the way his hands felt on her waist as they danced together, the way he remembered his heart had sounded as it whooshed in his ears when his lips were no more than a hair away from hers. That almost contact had set a fire in his belly and now that it had been lit he wasn’t exactly sure if it could actually be extinguished. Maybe Leo was right though. Perhaps it was one of those moments that should be chalked up as them both having too much alcohol and too much time apart; Jamie’s only hope was that if he could ignore that fire for long enough and not stoke the flames by giving it all too much thought, it would burn out on its own.

August quietly slipped by and all too soon Jamie and Leo were once again saying farewell. Instead of heading back to Massachusetts, Jamie was going to be making a new home in Saginaw, Michigan having decided to sign with the Spirit in order to further develop himself. Leo continued to catch up with Jamie much in the same way they had the year before while she threw herself into her studies, the four hour drive often being just that little bit too far to make their conflicting schedules feasibly work. Her passion for her degree was clear to Jamie and he looked forward to hearing all about her classes and assignments, even going so far as asking her to send them to him so he could read about all that she’d been learning so far. Jamie had always known that Leo was incredibly bright, she’d always been articulate and she always knew exactly how to express herself which was something that Jamie both admired and was envious of. While he still had a long way to go, he never let himself forget just how much he’d learned from her in that respect and it was just one of the many reasons that he was grateful for her friendship. The ease in which she expressed her ideas and opinions in her academic writing was so impressive to Jamie and it really gave him a new appreciation for her mind and her talent. These were all things he already knew, of course, but seeing her flying and flourishing at university filled him with an immense amount of pride for her.

Naturally, much like most things in their lives, that feeling of pride was felt by Leo whenever Jamie told her about his games and life playing in the OHL and she was beyond excited for him when she’d watched him get selected by Dallas in the 2011 draft. She followed games whenever she could and talked to Jamie after he’d finished playing whenever their schedules would allow. She was so unbelievably happy to see Jamie making positive steps towards his professional playing career and when his path led him back to St. Catharines, Ontario to play for the Niagara IceDogs, Leo could have burst with the joy of having her favourite person back home, even though he was busy more often than not. Despite his schedule, Jamie always made himself available to talk to her whenever school had her stressed, especially given that her third year was proving to be quite the challenge and the closer proximity to home meant that they could hang out a lot more whenever their schedules allowed. But more importantly, as had been the common theme throughout their lives so far, they pulled each other through the ups and downs of the year and spent that summer joined at the hip, enjoying their last bit of time together before Jamie would make the move down to Texas just before the start of Leo’s final year at university.

If Leo had thought that her third year was difficult then she was in for a rude awakening when it came to her final one. The pace was relentless, especially when it came to balancing all of her different classes and assignments and while Jamie didn’t have a clue what she was talking about half the time, he was happy that she was at least enjoying the process and supported her in any capacity he could across all the miles and time zones. Leo couldn’t watch as many of Jamie’s games as she would have liked, given her own gruelling schedule, but she sent him words of encouragement every single day and despite her not being able to be physically with him, Jamie felt her presence all around him just the same and counted down the days until he’d be able to spend the summer with her once more. He’d talk with her whenever he could and there were more times that she’d fallen asleep still on the line with him than Jamie could count, each time making the ache in his chest more prominent than the last. Trips to Toronto during the season were infrequent and much too short but seeing her, even for those few hours after a game, where it felt like there had been no time or distance between them both at all, gave him the quiet peace he needed until he could be with her again, laid on her bed at her parents’ house with the windows open, the gentle breeze and her soft humming against his chest as they listened to music together with their fingers laced tight.

Jamie still remembers to this day the exact moment that Leo opened her degree results. He’d thankfully been home and arrived at her parents’ house not long after 9am to have breakfast with them while they waited for the results to go live on the school online portal. Diana had made pancakes, he recalled, with bacon and maple syrup and Bill had been out in the car to pick up a Tim Horton’s for everyone and (hopefully) celebratory Timbits for Leo. Jamie wished that he could’ve bottled the look on Leo’s face when she found out that she’d be graduating from the University of Toronto with a Bachelor of Arts in History with a minor in Religious Studies and because of her exceptionally high grades, she could therefore progress onto the Master’s program to study History further. He remembered whispering in her ear how proud he was of her as he held onto her tightly and it only grew with the realisation that he’d get to share that moment with her on her graduation day.

On June 18th, 2014 Leonora Harris awoke to her father carrying in a tray laden with coffee, fresh orange, toast and jam along with a card bearing handwriting she recognised as belonging to Alison Oleksiak. Her was mother close behind with the biggest bouquet of flowers Leo had ever seen bundled within her arms.

“Happy graduation day, sweetheart,” Bill said softly as he placed the tray into Leo’s lap after waiting for her to sit herself up and dropped a gentle kiss to the top of her head.

“These came for you about five minutes ago,” Diana added, setting the bouquet down on the nightstand.

Leo took the opportunity to peer at the flowers wrapped in brown paper and cellophane and tied up with string. Her floral knowledge was admittedly limited but she recognised the large lion-head dahlia blooms nestled amongst sunflowers and yellow roses and peppered with smaller sprays of baby’s breath. She reached for the small card poking out from amongst the flowers and opened the envelope to reveal a small piece of paper. After admiring the beautiful penmanship of whomever had written the message she allowed herself to read it and felt a lovely warmth spread from the centre of her chest all the way down to her toes.

Leo,

Congrats again on your new membership to the Silly Hat Club! Enjoy every second and don’t trip over. I’m really proud of you and I always knew you could do it.

Love, J xxx

Leo smiled as she put the small piece of paper back into the envelope before turning her attention to the card on her breakfast tray which had contained a ‘Happy Graduation’ card from the Oleksiaks and a gift certificate for her favourite book store which was where she bought the majority of her second hand CDs from.

“Exicted?” her mother asked from her new position sat by Leo’s feet at the end of the bed, her hand laid gently on her shins over the comforter.

Leo nodded and echoed her mother’s smile in reply.

“We’re so proud of you, honey,” Diana continued, voice cracking slightly as she sniffled with pure happiness. “So, so proud.”

“Thank you, mama. Not sure I coulda done it without you both though.”

“We just gave you the tools, Nora Noo,” Bill spoke softly. “The hard work was all yours.”

Leo grinned at her father and it was a smile she would wear for the remainder of the day. She felt every bit the part in her navy blue wrap dress underneath her cap and gown and Jamie had to fight hard to swallow the lump in his throat as he watched his favourite person in the whole world cross the stage to collect her diploma. He didn’t miss the sly glance and smirk Penny was wearing to his left and all he could manage was a mumbled ‘shut up’ which told the youngest Oleksiak all she needed to know and would have her looking rather smug for the rest of the day. The group returned to the Harris house after the ceremony had finished and Alison and Diana were satisfied they had all the photos they needed. Leo wasn’t even sure how her mother had found the time to prepare food but within twenty minutes of them arriving back at the house, the kitchen island was filled with various nibbles and a charcuterie board. The champagne was popped and Bill led the group in raising a glass to Leo, Jamie with his arm tight around her waist all the while.

Long after the food had been cleared away and their families had begun to migrate towards the living room, Jamie took the opportunity to gently grab Leo’s hand and lead her through the kitchen out to the back porch, refilling their champagne flutes on the way and purposefully ignoring the shit-eating grins Hayley and Penny were throwing their way. He settled on the swing loveseat, his large arm draped along the back and nodded for Leo to sit down beside him. She settled back against the cushions, her body pressed lightly into his side and took a sip of champagne as the pair slipped into an easy silence while twilight slowly began to descend all around them. They stayed that way for a few minutes, content to watch as the sky melted into a watercolour of magenta, red and violet. Jamie broke the stillness first with a voice so quiet that Leo could’ve been forgiven for not hearing him at all. She could feel him prepare to speak before the words had even left his mouth though, the small breath he took settling all through her own body and preparing her for whatever he was about to say.

“I’m so proud of you, y’know that, right?”

“Of course I do,” Leo whispered in reply, not wanting to burst the calm bubble that they’d cultivated around them.

Jamie reached inside his pocket and pulled out a small black velvet drawstring bag, handing it to Leo and nodding for her to open it.

“What’s this?”

“Your graduation present,” Jamie smiled softly.

“But you already sent me flowers,” Leo protested.

“Those were your graduation flowers. This is your graduation present.”

“Jame.”

“Just open the damn bag,” he laughed quietly, blue eyes keen as he watched her run the cord between her fingers.

Leo’s fingers pulled at the cord around the top of the pouch to open it up and reached inside to pull out a thin woven leather bracelet. The silver of the clasp glinted faintly in the afterglow of the day and dangling from the tan cord were two silver charms: a graduation cap and a lion head. Leo swallowed thickly in an attempt to keep her tears at bay, not quite trusting herself to speak for fear that once she started crying, she would not be able to stop.

“Do you like it?” Jamie asked nervously after Leo’s silence had gone on a little too long for comfort.

“I love it, Jamie,” she sniffled. “It’s perfect.”

She handed the bracelet to him and offered her wrist in a wordless request for him to put it on her. He took it from her gladly and after a few seconds of fiddling and a nervous laugh from Jamie as his large fingers struggled with the dainty clasp, the bracelet was around her wrist and Leo was smiling softly as she admired it. Jamie’s arm had found its way back to its previous position along the back of the swing, his fingers tracing patterns along Leo’s upper arm idly which was something he’d done countless times before and yet none had ever felt as intimate as it did in that moment. His heart had taken to hammering in his chest as he watched her and the way the dusk and the faint glow of the string lights on the porch gave her an almost ethereal quality which made the fire in his stomach that he’d tried so hard to forget about spring to life and begin to burn ferociously. It was almost too much, that overwhelming need to kiss her despite not quite understanding where these feelings were coming from and why they were springing up now of all times, but he remembered the night at the bar where they’d come to within a breath of it and he remembered the morning after, their conversation and the fact that they were just friends and that Leo wasn’t really his. So he did the only thing he could think to do in that moment, he took a deep, settling breath before casting his eyes back out towards the sky.

“Are you okay?”

Her question was quiet and soft and it crawled all through Jamie’s skin to settle within his chest.

“Yeah,” he replied just as quietly. “Just… Thinking about when we were kids and how much everything has changed.”

“We’re still the same though, you and I.”

“You are, but you’ve always been awesome and smart and just… amazing but I’m not the same,” Jamie shook his head. “I’m so different to what I used to be, in the best kind of way and I know that that’s down to you.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Leo murmured.

“Except you did,” he countered but with the softness still present in his tone. “You taught me what it meant to be brave and made me believe that I could do anything and because of you I’m playing in the AHL, I played for the Dallas Stars and even if I never get called up to play for them again, I did it. I played in the NHL and I wouldn’t have made it without you.”

“Jamie.”

Leo’s voice was caught somewhere in her throat, tangled up in the lump that stubbornly sat there and all she could do was reach for his other hand and hold it tightly in his lap.

“It’s true and you wanna know what else is true?” He paused while he waited for Leo to reply which he got as a small nod before continuing, sure and steady in his delivery. “That you’re gonna kick ass on this master’s degree. You’re the smartest person I know, Leo and you’re gonna be fucking amazing.”

Leo rested her head onto Jamie’s shoulder, mostly out of a need to be close to him but partly because her eyes were full to the brim with tears and she didn’t want him to see her cry on what was such a happy day, which was probably a good thing because a few stray tears had slipped out and onto Jamie’s cheeks as well.

“You’re such a sap,” she half-teased, her voice muffled by his button up shirt but she squeezed his hand all the same.

Jamie closed his eyes and pressed a soft kiss into her hair, the gentle teasing enough to pull him back into reality, the one where they were just friends and where their relationship was easy and didn’t need to be complicated by romantic feelings, the reality where come September he’d be leaving town again and they would go back to phone calls and FaceTiming across the time zones whenever they could. They were just friends. They were just friends. They were just friends.

Jamie swallowed thickly and forced a lightness into his tone and a smile onto his face before he gave her a reply. “Yeah, I know. But don’t go tellin’ anyone or we’re gonna have to throw hands.”

“You’re too scared to fight me, Oleksiak.”

Jamie breathed a laugh into her hair at that, her response so quick and quippy and so Leo that it was enough to elicit a real and genuine chuckle despite the knot that sat heavy in his stomach. His fingers flexing around the shoulder his arm was draped over as he spoke, “Yeah, you’re right. I am.”

It would be something that Jamie wouldn’t find out until much later on, but from the moment he put that bracelet around Leo’s wrist, she made damn sure that she never ever took it off, even as the months rolled into years and even when it felt like there was so much distance between them, both literally and figuratively, that bracelet was a reminder to Leo that her favourite person was always with her, no matter what.

Jamie meanwhile would keep trying to smother the fire that Leo had set in his stomach the night they’d almost kissed but despite his best efforts, the flames would keep creeping higher and higher with every single thought he had of her and he was beginning to understand that they would not stop until they reached his chest and engulfed his heart completely.

The next couple of years would pass for both Jamie and Leo in a bit of a blur. Leo threw herself into her master’s education completely, determined to give herself the best possible chance of landing a good job after she’d graduated. It was as intense as she’d expected it to be and while she had initially struggled to pick a topic for her thesis, after numerous 3am phone calls with Jamie and a heart-to-heart with her parents, she finally settled on focusing her paper on the role of the church on life in the Middle Ages, which to quote Jamie, sounded ‘impressive as fuck’. The research material was interesting enough and Leo found that there was enough there for her to really get into the meat of it all. Jamie on the other hand was trying his hardest to establish himself as an NHL defenseman and would find himself flitting between the Texan and Dallas Stars. He’d have been lying if he said that it didn’t weigh heavily on him sometimes and while he tried his hardest to keep his conversations with Leo light so as not to worry her during an important part of her studying, her incredible ability to sense when he wasn’t quite feeling himself was so good that it was almost eerie. He would apologise every single time for venting and she would tell him that’s what friends were for and offer him words of encouragement and advice that spurred him on and pushed him to keep working hard and to keep chasing his dream of making it in the National Hockey League.

Leo graduated for a second time in the summer of 2016 with a Masters in History, achieving a remarkable A+ as her final grade which secured her dream job working at the Royal Ontario Museum. Jamie once again sat at her parents’ side, chest swelling with pride, as he watched her cross that stage to collect her diploma. He’d also helped her move into and decorate her first apartment, an airy two bedroomed place not far from her new place of employment and Jamie’s own downtown loft that he was renting, right before he had to fly out to Rio to watch Penny represent team Canada at the Olympics. Leo called Jamie after every single one of Penny’s races, making sure to get a promise from him that he would tell the youngest Oleksiak just how proud Leo was of her and of course, reminding Jamie that he was henceforth known as ‘Penny’s brother’ and that he would no longer be allowed to pick on her now that she was Canada’s sweetheart, which had earned her a great deal of grumbling from Jamie.

Jamie was thankful that he would at least get to spend a couple of weeks at home before he was due to fly back down to Texas. It was a late-August evening when Leo found herself sprawled out on Jamie’s couch. He’d only been back from Brazil for a couple of days but had said that there was a couple of things that he needed to do before he had to leave to report for training camp. He was playing on his Playstation and while at first Leo been content to just scroll through Instagram, she’d soon grown tired of that and was now eyeing him from her position at the opposite end of the sofa. If he noticed her restless sighs he certainly didn’t give anything away and his focus remained fixed on the television. She narrowed her eyes at him after a particularly obnoxious exhale of her breath garnered zero reaction or response and began to scoot slowly towards him, a mischievous glint in her eye that could only be born out of boredom.

Leo settled next to Jamie on her knees, a slow grin forming as she looked at him. He was still looking at the TV, completely engrossed in whatever game it was that he was playing and if he had noticed her then he kept maintaining an air of indifference as his thumbs pushed at the buttons on his controller. She’d started by giving his bicep a gentle prod, looking at him expectantly while she waited for his eyes to find hers. Nothing. She prodded again, a little harder this time and while she noticed the corner of his lips quirk he still didn’t turn his gaze onto her. Leo furrowed her brows as a small pout graced her features which earned a faint chuckle from Jamie. He knew what she was trying to do, of course, knowing her better than anyone, but he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction, at least not yet.

Leo began to gently prod the side of his head, her pout devolving into an impish little grin as she noticed Jamie roll his eyes exaggeratedly.

“Oh my god, can you not?” he grumbled but with a playful edge to his tone.

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me attention.”

“Real mature. Not the kind of behaviour I’d expect from a master’s graduate at all,” he smirked as he side eyed her.

“Those are your standards, Jamie, and quite frankly, I don’t subscribe to them.”

She reached down to pinch at his ribs through the thin material of his tank top, the yelp she received more pained than she was anticipating.

“Oh my god! I did not pinch you that hard!”

“You got me right on my tattoo!” Jamie protested.

“What tattoo? Since when have you had a tattoo there?”

Jamie lifted the hem of his tank to reveal an intricately patterned tribal lion head, the skin still red and raw.

“When did you get that done?” Leo asked, looking closely at it.

“Yesterday so it’s still pretty fuckin’ tender.”

“Awwww,” Leo smirked, making Jamie’s eyes flicker with a hint of nervousness at the devilish look in her eye and the mischief in her tone. “You love me so much you got a lion.”

Jamie groaned and rolled his eyes as Leo’s face split into a fiendish grin.

“I did not get a lion for you. You don’t have the monopoly on lions, y’know. They can represent lots of things, like bravery or courage. Not everything is about you, Leo.”

“Suuuure,” she teased.

“Whatever,” Jamie grumbled as he pulled his shirt back down and used the controller to turn off the Playstation before setting it down on the coffee table. “Happy?” he groused but still surveyed Leo with that familiar warmth he had in his eyes that was reserved exclusively for her.

“Yup,” she replied, obnoxiously putting her feet into his lap and wiggling them until he brought his hand down to rest upon her shin, the gentle weight of it and the warmth of his touch against her bare legs sparking a sad smile on her features while she studied his features like she was committing them once again to memory, the realisation that he would be gone again next week washing over her like someone had just blown a dam.

“What?” he asked with a gentle chuckle while his eyes searched her face.

“Nothing, just… I’m gonna miss you when you go back to the States.”

“You’re gonna miss harassing me, more like.”

“No!” she rebutted, before immediately giving him a small grin. “I mean, yeah, but not just that. I’m gonna miss you. I always miss you.”

Jamie’s expression softened as her voice trailed off and his thumb began to take on a mind of its own as it started drawing small circles against her skin.

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper to which she nodded in reply, unable to speak for the quickly forming lump in her throat. “I’m gonna miss you too.”

Leo shifted and moved towards Jamie, slotting easily against his side like she belonged there while still being cognizant of the still fresh tattoo. As Jamie pulled her closer he tried not to lose it as her arm draped lazily across his abdomen and her face pressed against his chest. Her fingers had occupied themselves with the hem of his shirt and he swore his heart was going to beat right out of his chest as they’d slipped underneath the fabric and were dancing lightly over the skin above the waistband of his shorts. Leo didn’t notice the wide-eyed expression on his face though, her eyes were closed and she was too focused on the strong beat of his heart to stop herself from spiralling over the thought of him going back to Texas and not seeing him again for another nine months. She hated this part, the part where he would go back to his other life, the other life that she was only a part of via a telephone screen and while she knew that his life was really none of her business, it was getting harder and harder to remind herself that he wasn’t really hers and to let go of all the anxieties and insecurities him leaving would bring.

If he’d heard it once, he’d heard it a thousand times: ‘you need to get yourself a girl, Rig.’ While Jamie knew that this particular sentiment from his teammates came from a good place, it wasn’t as easy as just picking up any girl in a bar and falling into bed with her and while he knew that it wasn’t a betrayal and that he certainly shouldn’t view it as such, the lion on his ribs made it feel like one regardless because whatever bullshit he’d fed Leo about it representing courage and bravery, they were traits that he’d learned from her and it was his way of having her with him always. It wasn’t like he wasn’t at least trying, but he knew fine well the reasons why he could never get past a first date with anyone, because whether he was consciously doing it or not, none of them could compare with the girl back home in Toronto with the jade green eyes. Jamie was beginning to understand that it was senseless to try and ignore what was right in front of him but he was so crippled by the fear that it’d been too long, that too much had been left to build up, that, as Segs had put it, he’d find himself ‘eternally friend-zoned.’ Jamie knew that he’d been through too much with Leo, that she’d become such an intrinsic part of his life, that he was sure his heart would shatter if he lost her and the last thing he wanted to do was push her away with a confession of love that he wasn’t a hundred percent sure she’d reciprocate.

‘The way I see it there’s three possible scenarios here,’ Tyler had said. ‘You tell her how you feel and she tells you she feels the same way. Boom. Happily ever after. You tell her how you feel and she tells you she loves you but just as a friend and you have to go on knowing that or you confess your love, she freaks the fuck out and you ruin twenty-plus years of friendship’ and because success wasn’t a complete guarantee, Jamie figured the best course of action would be to suck it up because if he had to choose between having Leo only as a friend and not having her at all, then he would be her friend and love her quietly for the rest of his days.

Their lives had continued much in the same way as before. They would talk whenever they were able to, which was less than they both would’ve liked due to the time difference and their conflicting schedules, but they made it work as best as they could and when Jamie returned home in the summer things were the same as they’d always been, the only difference being the fire that had started off as a flicker in his stomach had taken to consuming his whole body and the urge to pull her body against his and kiss her like he so badly wanted to was almost unbearable. The only thing that kept holding Jamie back was the same thing that he wanted most in the whole world. He found himself coming back to Tyler’s words over and over again, chewing over them like a starving dog with a bone and resigning himself to a lifetime of purgatory because the thought of losing Leo completely cut deeper than the thought of never having her in the way that he longed for the most.

Leo, meanwhile, was struggling more than she would have ever admitted to Jamie. The schedule of her job and how it wouldn’t quite mesh with Jamie’s, despite her best efforts, was beginning to weigh heavy and she surprised herself, if she gave it a second thought, with how much her mood would tank if she didn’t get to speak to Jamie. She knew she shouldn’t have let it bother her because not only did that make it sound like she was incredibly dependant on him (which wasn’t the case at all) it also made her sound a little bit possessive and she wasn’t okay with that, not least because Jamie’s wasn’t hers in the first place and because it was a trait and a behaviour that didn’t sit right with her. Jamie was his own person, after all, with his own life and his own wants and desires and she had no right to lay claim on him just because of some childish though process such as ‘he was mine first’. The loneliness was crippling though and the first time Jamie had told her that he wouldn’t be able to Skype because he was going on a date, Leo had to swallow down the ball of emotion in her throat that she hadn’t expected. She tried to tell herself that this was a good thing for Jamie, that he deserved this and that it was going to happen eventually because Jamie was all the good things in the world and it was only a matter of time before he found himself a nice girl, but she couldn’t help but feel like she couldn’t breathe every time she thought of Jamie with someone else. It wasn’t fair though, on either of them, because they were just friends, that’s all and if Jamie was dating then maybe she should too.

It was just before Christmas in 2017 when Jamie found himself packing up his life in Dallas and moving the 1200-plus miles east to Pittsburgh. Trades were never easy but he kept reminding himself that it was part of the job and at least he would be closer to Toronto, his family and Leo. He’d not long sat down in his new apartment, an opened bottle of beer on the coffee table and a pizza on the way. He knew it wasn’t exactly a nutritionist’s dream but after spending the best part of his day unpacking his life into a space that was still too clinical to really feel like home (and he knew needed Leo’s touch), he wanted something easy and cooking a healthy, balanced meal wasn’t it. It was getting on for 10:30 at night and while there was a huge part of him that wanted to be selfish and call Leo, especially now that they were on the same time zone, he also knew that she needed to be at the museum early tomorrow and would already be asleep, so he took to scrolling through Instagram instead. It wasn’t something he did very often and he wasn’t one to post anything on there himself, but Leo used it quite frequently and in a moment where he found himself missing her, it would be a decent enough substitute until he could call her the next day.

He wasn’t sure why he was so taken aback by her latest post, maybe it was because she hadn’t ever mentioned anything to Jamie, but the sight of Leo wrapped in the arms of a man who had his lips pressed into her hair had jarred him and now that the initial shock had worn off, he felt his free palm begin to hurt from where his fist had become so tightly balled that his nails were digging into the flesh there. Jamie noticed that she’d tagged the mystery guy in the post and so, despite his better judgment, he clicked on the handle and followed it to the profile. He was called Ben, Jamie learned, and he was annoyingly good looking but the thing that had Jamie’s heart hammering as the anger began to pool in his stomach was the fact that Ben had more than one photo of Leo on his profile and there was a recurring theme with each of the captions on these photos that had Jamie’s jaw clenching: ‘my girl’. Jamie locked his phone screen and sat gripping the device in his hand for a few moments while his teeth pressed tighter and tighter together. He sniffled slightly before squashing that emotion right back down and slamming his phone down onto the coffee table. He’d taken to pacing around the open plan living area and tearing his hands through his hair while he tried to get control of the breathing that was getting a little wild and a little ragged.

They’re just friends. He knew that. They’d ever been anything more and he’d never told her that he wanted them to be anything more, not explicitly anyway, but Jamie’s heart felt like it had been stuffed into a vice and now someone, Ben, was turning the handle and crushing it into a broken and bloody mess. Jamie cursed loudly into the room and resisted the urge to put a fist shaped hole into the drywall. He had no one else to blame but himself, of course, and he knew deep down that he shouldn’t have expected a girl like Leo to stay single and wait indefinitely for him because she was sharp, beautifully wild with a mind that was her own and a smile that had lit up Jamie’s whole world since they were four years old, any man would be mad not to fall for her. But he’d been right there in front of her for over twenty years, he’d been the one to wipe her tears away, he’d been the one to help her fix shelves up in her new apartment, he’d been the one she called at three in the morning when she couldn’t sleep. He had been all of those things and he had been loving her for all that time and yet she didn’t see him. Maybe Tyler was right, maybe he was so deep in the friend-zone that there was no way out of it because right now Jamie was up to his neck in it and it felt like he couldn’t breathe.

What he didn’t understand though and perhaps the thing that had irked him the most about this was the fact that Leo had never mentioned that she was seeing anybody. Not once. Jamie knew that she’d been going on dates and while that thought had made his chest ache a little, he also knew that she wasn’t his and that she was only doing the same thing he was but now that he thought about it, she hadn’t mentioned going on a date for a good couple of months and now that he’d seen that photo, he understood why. So why hadn’t she told him that she was seeing this guy? Especially if it had been going on for a couple of months now. He grabbed his beer and drained it before dragging his weary body to bed and drifting into an uneasy sleep.

Jamie awoke to a text from Leo but he didn’t bother to read it. He was still too keyed up from the night before and he needed to get his focus on hockey while he got himself ready to head to practice. He’d be playing in his first game as a Penguin on home ice that night and he wanted to make sure that he gave it his all and made a good first impression. His time in Dallas had been plagued with inconsistency, healthy scratches and yo-yoing between the minors and the big league and he didn’t want to put himself back into a situation where he didn’t know if a mistake on the ice was going to have him sitting in a press-box for two or three games. His first practice went as well as Jamie could’ve hoped it would and he couldn’t deny the relief that flooded him when he was made to feel welcome and like he’d always been a part of that group. Leo had always talked about the magic of new beginnings but it was never something that Jamie had ever experienced for himself but as he sat in his new stall before his first game as a Pittsburgh Penguin, Jamie couldn’t help but feel the spark of electricity that he was sure was what Leo had meant.

He was sprawled out on his couch watching TV when Leo had called him. There was a part of him that wanted to let the call go to voicemail but he knew that wasn’t fair because for all he was mad that she hadn’t told him about her new boyfriend, he also knew that it was her prerogative and it was, quite frankly, none of his business and he needed to get over whatever this was, no matter how hard it might be.

“Hello?”

“Hi!” Leo said excitedly. “Oh my god! I watched your first game, you were amazing! Do you love it? Is everyone nice? What’s your apartment like?”

Jamie couldn’t help the soft chuckle that floated past his lips at her animated tone and barrage of questions.

“Yes, yes and yes.”

“What’s it like? Pittsburgh?”

“I’ve only been here a day, Leo. I literally went from my apartment to practice, back to my apartment and then to the rink for the game.”

Although Jamie couldn’t see her, Leo furrowed her brows at the hint of an edge in his tone and while she could’ve easily played it off as him just being tired, given that he’d uprooted his life and moved halfway across a country to then play a game of hockey, she knew him better than that and so, never one to beat around the bush, she figured she’d just get to the point.

“Is everything okay, Jame? You seem… I don’t know, you seem off.”

“I’m fine, Leo,” Jamie replied with a sigh. “Just tired.”

“Please,” Leo said with such a softness that it made Jamie’s throat tighten. “Please don’t lie to me, Jamie. We’ve known each other too long for that.”

Jamie exhaled slowly at that, a settling breath to give him time to gather his thoughts and composure.

“I just,” he began, voice controlled and measured but quiet. “Don’t understand why you didn’t tell me that you had a boyfriend.”

“I don-“

“Don’t lie to me, Leo,” Jamie said, tone a little harsher and throwing her own words back at her. “We’ve known each other too long for that.”

Leo bit her lip and exhaled shakily. Even through the phone she could picture the hurt and disappointment on Jamie’s face and while she knew that she should have told him, she also didn’t really have a good enough reason for not doing so and somehow that was worse.

“I didn’t,” she started, still unsure what to say even as the words were coming out of her mouth because there were still the reasons as to why she didn’t say anything that she still didn’t really understand herself. “I didn’t know if it was anything serious and I guess I just wanted to be sure.”

“You waited a whole two months.”

“I- wait, how did you know we’d been dating for two months?” Leo challenged.

“Irrelevant,” Jamie shot back.

“It’s absolutely not irrelevant. You didn’t even know I was seeing anyone before that post I made yesterday let alone that it’d been two months. What? Are you stalking him now?”

“It’s not stalking if his profile is public,” Jamie defended earning him nothing but a scoff from Leo. “Besides, not like I was gonna find out from you any time soon, maybe once the wedding invitation came through the mail.”

“Oh don’t be so fucking ridiculous, Jamie,” Leo scorned. “You know it’s not like that.”

“So what is it like? I’m dying to know.”

“I didn’t think it was a big deal! I was going to tell you but I figured I’d let you get settled in Pittsburgh and get your first game under your belt and I haven’t told you before now because I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t more than just a couple of dates. It really doesn’t have to be a big deal, Jamie.”

“If it wasn’t such a big deal you wouldn’t have been so bothered about waiting for me to ‘get settled.’” He emphasised her words as he quoted them back to her but his tone was little more than a frustrated growl. He knew this was a stupid thing for them to be fighting about and he knew that she didn’t owe him a thing but it was easier to channel the hurt it brought him than confront the overwhelming jealousy that was crushing him.

Leo was done with this argument though and she didn’t like the way her whole body felt like it was aching at the sound of Jamie’s voice through the phone so she did the only thing she felt like she could do in the moment.

“I’m sorry, Jame. I-I really didn’t think it was-.” She trailed off quietly, for once in her life at a loss for words. “I think I’m just gonna go, you must be exhausted.”

“Don’t,” Jamie pleaded, voice small and quiet and full of regret at snapping at the person he cared about most in the world. “Please, don’t go. I-.” He exhaled slowly as he rubbed his free and across his face. “I’m sorry too. You’re right, it’s your business and you were gonna tell me when you were ready to. That wasn’t fair of me.”

“Please don’t think I was hiding it from you,” Leo said, although in a few years’ time, when she looked back on all of this, she would realise that that was a lie.

“I know. I know you weren’t.”

There was a silence that fell between them, bigger than all the miles between them and filled to the brim with things unsaid but it only lasted a few beats before Jamie’s big exhale swept it away with his breath before he spoke quietly.

“He good to you?”

“Yeah, Jame. He’s a really great guy, I think you’d really like him.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Leo murmured. “When you’re back in the summer we should get drinks or something.”

“Sounds good, Leo,” Jamie said under his breath. “I should probably head to bed, I’m beat and it’s gettin’ late for you too.”

“Okay,” she replied sadly. “We’ll talk tomorrow though, yeah?”

“Yeah. Yeah, we will.”

Jamie and Leo did in fact talk the next day and the day after that, but despite the apology they’d both made and despite the fact that they had put their little spat to bed, there was far too much sitting there between them unsaid. It was like litter on the ground at a place of outstanding natural beauty, you could still admire the beauty of the trees or the mountains or the winding river, but the piles of rubbish collecting on the floor were glaring and impossible to ignore and you’d find yourself wanting to go over and pick it all up. Nobody wants to look at trash though, not when there’s still rivers and trees and mountains and so Leo and Jamie found themselves ignoring everything that now sat between them and instead kept looking at the beautiful things in their lives. They were busy enough to keep distracted, Leo more so now that she had Ben in her life and before long winter and spring were a whisper of a memory and summer announced her presence in the city with sunnier days and warmer temperatures.

It was the first time in his life that Jamie wasn’t filled with the usual excitement at going back home, that’s not to say that he wasn’t looking forward to seeing his family, his friends and Leo, but there was something that just didn’t quite feel the same and while he knew exactly what that was, there was no point dragging it back up and flogging it some more. Leo was still with Ben and that was all there was to it. He’d seen Leo a few times since he’d come back home but she was often tied up with work, no longer benefitting from the long summers off she had when she was at college, and the free time she would’ve had before was no longer exclusively Jamie’s. He tried hard not to let himself be hurt with the change in dynamic and instead took the opportunity to spend quality time with his siblings. The idea of getting a drink with Leo and Ben wasn’t one that filled Jamie with any amount of joy, but a promise was a promise and Leo was still the most important person in his life, even if he was no longer hers and he wouldn’t ever go back on his word.

He wasn’t entirely sure what to expect but he also wanted to give himself an easy out if he felt like he needed it so he decided that he was just going to have the one beer so that he could drive himself there and home again. Whether it was subconscious or not, it took Jamie longer than usual to get ready and he wasn’t entirely sure if it was the balmy Toronto heat that had him feeling sweatier than he would’ve liked but he eventually slipped on a pair of converse to complete his shorts and t-shirt ensemble and was in the elevator down to the garage, the keys to his truck gripped tightly in his hand.

Leo was already at the cocktail bar when he arrived, perched on a barstool at a little round table. Her hair was up in a messy bun that she always managed to make look effortless and Jamie had to make a conscious effort to swallow as his eyes took in her sun-kissed skin and the strappy sundress she was wearing. He should have expected her to look gorgeous, of course, because it was Leo and she always looked so effortlessly beautiful but it didn’t make knowing that she was here with someone else and not him hurt any less. He couldn’t blame her though, not really, because for all there was so much between them now that it should’ve been obvious, he still hadn’t outright said it or even talked to her about it and that was on him and him alone. He approached the table where she was sitting alone and looked around the bar for the man he’d only ever seen photos of.

“Hey,” she called out with the smile that always made Jamie’s heart leap up into his throat. “You made it.”

“Said I would,” Jamie replied, hugging her on the barstool and pressing a gentle kiss to her hair. “You look, you look good.”

“Thanks,” grinned Leo. “So do you, very festive. Ben’s just headed to the bar, do you want anything?”

“I’ve got mine, thanks though,” Jamie half-gritted as he made his way to the bar.

He could do this, he could. It was just one drink. He could manage that, right? Because that’s what friends did, they went out for drinks together and so Jamie resolved to put on his best smile as he walked back to the table, where Ben had now situated himself next to Leo, with his beer in hand. Ben was shorter than he was, Jamie noted, and he was definitely on the slighter side but still incredibly handsome with dark brown eyes that seemed to be in a state of perpetual kindness, short and neatly maintained stubble and hair that was darker than Leo’s which he’d secured in a bun at the back of his head. He was nothing like Jamie which should have made him feel better, knowing that if this was Leo’s type then it was no wonder she didn’t see him in that way, but it didn’t, it just made everything feel that little bit worse. He gave them both a tight lipped smile, all he could manage in the moment, as he sidled onto a barstool directly opposite Leo and took an obligatory sip of his beer before offering Ben his hand.

“Jamie”

Ben shook Jamie’s outstretched hand and Jamie was sure to give him a firm and not threatening at all handshake.

“Nice to meet you man,” Ben said with an accent Jamie recognised immediately as either Australian or New Zealander and he tried not to wince at the force with which the giant man was shaking his hand with. “I’m Ben.”

“Good to meet you, Ben. Nice to see you’re taking good care of my girl.”

Jamie knew that his remark would earn him a pointed glare and he was dead right because without even looking at her he could feel Leo’s eyes were boring into the side of his head.

“Yeah,” Ben laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, she’s amazing.”

“She really is. She tell you we’ve been friends for over twenty years?”

“Yeah, I did,” Leo cut in, giving Jamie a warning look. “Ben knows all about you.”

“That’s good,” Jamie mused as he took a sip of his beer. “Yeah, Leo and I? We go way back.”

Jamie put his beer down and stretched his shoulders back, somehow managing to make himself look even broader than usual and watched Ben closely, his blue eyes piercing. Leo rolled her eyes to herself and took a large gulp of her mai tai, if Jamie was going to act like a macho teenage boy then she was going to need to be at least three drinks in for this.

“You were four, right?” Ben asked nobody in particular.

“Yup,” Jamie replied, popping the ‘p’ as he looked at Leo. “Shared my strawberries with her and everything.”

Leo gave Jamie as inconspicuous of a kick as she could manage under the table and shot him a murderous look. She didn’t quite know at what point her best friend had been possessed by the ghost of Bro-mas past or why he was acting in such an insane and ridiculous way but the man opposite her wasn’t the Jamie she knew and to be quite honest, she wasn’t sure that she liked him. Jamie paid her no mind though, his focus remained fixed on the man to Leo’s left as a cocky smirk played on his lips.

“So, Ben,” he folded his arms tight across his chest, his biceps straining against the white fabric of his t-shirt. “What do you do?”

Ben sat up straighter on his stool, whether that was to try and subconsciously match Jamie’s macho-man aura or whether it was to try and instil some confidence in himself Leo couldn’t quite tell but she kept her eyes keen on Jamie and tried to engage whatever best-friend telepathy she could to tell him to knock it off.

“I’m a veterinarian.”

Jamie gave a tight lipped smile, not because there was anything wrong with being a veterinarian, quite the opposite actually. He gave a tight lipped smile because it meant that the man sat beside the girl he loved more than anything else in this world was smart and compassionate and successful and good for her. Those three words had him feeling more inadequate than he could ever truly express and he knew in that moment that there was no point even trying anymore because Ben could give her more than he ever could, intellectually and emotionally, although it still did nothing to abate the raging jealously that was running rampant through his body.

“Leo told me you’re a pro-athlete?”

Jamie was pulled by his thoughts by Ben’s question, an interested and expectant look on his features and Jamie felt the need to take a couple of gulps of his drink before he could answer.

“Yeah, play hockey in the NHL for the Dallas Stars.”

“Not the Maple Leafs then?”

Even though Jamie knew that Ben’s question was innocent enough, he couldn’t help the scoff or the mildly withering look he sent across the table despite the fact that he could feel Leo practically fizzing with annoyance.

“No, bud. It doesn’t work like that.”

Jamie started to look around the bar, clearly done with the conversation and Leo had to fight to keep her tone even and calm.

“Ben doesn’t really know much about the draft and stuff, he’s not from here, grew up in Sydney.”

“I figured,” Jamie said, clearly disinterested. “Still, pretty bold move to live in a city like Toronto and not know about hockey.”

“He knows about hockey,” Leo shot back. “He doesn’t need to know about the draft and how it all works to know about hockey.”

“Who’s your favourite player in the league, bud?” Jamie asked Ben, ignoring Leo completely and with an air of cockiness that had her blood boiling.

“I uh, I don’t really follow it all that much,” Ben replied as he shifted uncomfortably on his barstool which put a smug little smile on Jamie’s face that he didn’t even try to hide.

“You should,” Jamie said as he brought his beer back up to his lips and took a small sip, setting it down on the table with more force than was necessary. “Ask Leo here, she knows what’s up.”

His eyes met Leo’s and instead of the temperate green waters he would usually find there he was met by a roaring flame and if looks could kill, Jamie knew he’d be dead three times over. Still, he swallowed down his pride and as much of his jealousy as he could while he changed the subject and asked Ben about Sydney and what growing up in Australia was like because while he hated every bit of this and while he wanted to walk right out of this bar and go home to mope, he knew how important this was to Leo and how much it would mean to her if Jamie got along with him. Jamie nodded along as Ben talked about his childhood and Sydney and gave a strained smile when he felt like social cues dictated it, all while sneaking glances at the watch on his wrist to see if enough time had passed for him to leave without it seeming rude. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Ben, because no matter how much he wanted to hate the guy, even Jamie couldn’t deny that Ben seemed like a good man, with good priorities and a good upbringing, it was just that he wasn’t mature enough to set his jealousy aside so that he could be a good friend to Leo. But as he saw the smile on her face at the sight of her best friend and her boyfriend somewhat getting along, he resolved to at least keep trying, if only for her.

He’d learned that Ben had taken an interest in baseball since moving to Canada and while he couldn’t understand how he’d found baseball before hockey, he still made small talk about the Blue Jays and how their season was going so far. One thing that Jamie both appreciated and found incredibly painful all at the same time was the way that Ben talked about Leo like she was the sun, the moon and the stars and even though he tried to be strong and try not to let the fact that she was here with someone else and was happy bother him, because he loved Leo and he only ever wanted good things for her and it was what she deserved, after nursing his beer for a shade over two hours, Jamie decided that he couldn’t do it anymore and stepped down off his stool, ceremoniously taking his truck keys from out of his pocket.

“Well, it’s been lovely catching up but I gotta head out, Penny has a swimming thing in the morning and I said I’d go watch.”

“Wait, you never told me Penny had a thing. You know I would’ve come along,” Leo said with her brows furrowed.

“Yeah, well I figured you’d be busy.”

“You would have known if I was busy or not if you’d bothered to ask me in the first place,” she shot back, giving Jamie a pointed look that told him she didn’t buy any of his bullshit.

Jamie shook his head, a wordless indication that he wasn’t prepared to get into it with her right now and simply said, “I’ll just talk to you tomorrow, Leo, yeah? And it was really great to meet you Ben.”

He didn’t even give either of them chance to respond because no sooner were the words out of his mouth, he’d turned on his heel and was striding towards the door.

It wasn’t too long before Leo was letting herself, and only herself, into her apartment. She hadn’t planned to spend the night here, as Ben’s place was a lot closer to the bar they’d been to, but after the little stunt Jamie pulled she felt like she needed to be alone in her own space despite Ben’s best efforts to come home with her. She poured herself a large glass of wine and went to settle herself on the balcony to enjoy the last few moments of the quickly fading light and try to calm down. As she looked out across the small park opposite her apartment and swirled the wine around her glass she thought about what had happened with Jamie and tried to pinpoint at what point it had gone wrong. She wondered if maybe Ben had said something to get Jamie’s back up but as she replayed their interaction over and over again, she kept drawing blanks and that bothered her greatly. You see, Jamie’s whole demeanour was so unbelievably out of character for him and he’d been on the offensive from the get go and Leo couldn’t for the life of her understand why he would agree to meet Ben if he had such a problem. The more she allowed herself to stew over it, the angrier she got and, perhaps against her better judgement, she found herself reaching for her phone and scrolling through her contacts until she reached Jamie’s number.

She wasn’t sure what she would achieve by pressing the call button but if there was something going on with him she was determined to get it out of him one way or another. Hell, she wasn’t even sure if he would even pick up the phone, but sure enough after fifteen seconds or so, Jamie’s voice came through the speaker, rough and raw.

“Leo, I don’t wanna-“

“What’s going on with you?” she interrupted. “You agree to come out with us and then spend the first fifteen minutes being rude, stand-offish and doing some sort of weird macho routine like you’d been possessed by Johnny Bravo and then once you were finished doing that you were disinterested and cold for the rest of the time. Oh and don’t think I didn’t see through your little ‘Penny has a thing’ bit. I wasn’t born yesterday, Jamie.”

“Penny does have a-“

“Don’t lie to me, Jamie,” she spat bitterly. “Don’t.”

“God, you want me to explain and then don’t let me finish! Jesus, Leo!”

“And I don’t want you to insult me by feeding me some bullshit line and using your sister as an excuse to leave early but you tried to anyway! If you didn’t want to hang out with me you should’ve just said.”

The hurt that dripped from Leo’s voice was like a kick in the stomach to Jamie. His heart was screaming at him to tell her everything, to tell her than he loved hanging out with her, tell her that she wasn’t the problem, that she never was, to tell her that he loved her, that he was being stupid and childish and that he couldn’t bear the thought of her with another man, not when she had his whole heart. But his head was gagging his heart, silencing it until it was nothing more than a muffled cry, muted and abstract behind thick walls and yet, despite its conquest of impassioned subjugation, his head didn’t actually have anything to say and so he sat there, floundering in silence while Leo grew more impatient at the other end of the phone.

“I thought you’d be happy for me,” and while she spoke quietly, there was a very distinct edge to her tone. “I thought that you’d want me to find someone, someone who could look out for me while you were gone and make me laugh like you do and it’s not like you’ve been sat at home alone every night, Jamie. I know you’ve been on dates and stuff and that’s good, I want you to go on dates and find someone and be happy because you’re, because you’re my friend and I want you to have someone and not feel like you’re alone. God, I was so lonely when you left, Jame and I don’t blame you for that. I’ve never blamed you because you were too good to stay. You had too much potential and you had to find your wings and you did and I am so, so proud of you. So fucking proud. I spend my life telling anyone who’ll fucking listen to me how proud I am of you. I cry myself hollow every single time you leave, it never gets any easier and from the second you leave I’m already counting down the days until you’re back, because you’re my favourite person, Jamie. You’ve always been my favourite person.”

Jamie sniffled quietly as he heard Leo’s soft cries filter through the speaker, dragging his hand through his hair in frustration because he knew she felt it too, all she had to do was say it out loud and it was so close that all she had to do was reach out to it.

“And I want you to be happy too,” Leo continued. “I want you to be so happy. Maybe we’ve been a part of each other for so long that we don’t know how to just be us on our own. Maybe we need to discover who we actually are because for our whole lives it’s been Jamie and Leo and maybe you need to learn how to just be Jamie and maybe I need to learn how to just be Leo.”

Jamie wiped at his eyes as the first of his tears began to fall and his heart shattered into a million little pieces. This is what it was like to blow it, to lose someone you loved. This is what it was like to have your whole world come crashing down because it felt like everything he ever known was shrinking into darkness and that he couldn’t breathe.

“Leo,” he pleaded but with no real words to follow up with. “Please.”

“I think,” Leo choked out as her sobs came harder as the words she never wanted to say sat high in her throat because while she was mad at him for how he’d acted earlier, he was still her Jamie and she still loved him more than anything. But sometimes people who love each other need some time apart to think and to grow and that is what had her saying, “I think we need to give each other some space.”

“No, Leo. Please. Please, babe. Don’t say that. I know I was an asshole tonight and-.”

“We need this Jamie, we do. I need this, because this, this fighting and hostility and all of this weirdness, it’s not us. It’s never been us. Please.”

Jamie sat on his couch stunned, the weight of her words echoing around him after she’d spoke them through the phone. This was everything he’d ever feared and now that it was really happening he didn’t even know how to begin to deal with that. You can hypothesise and spend your time thinking up all of these scenarios and everything you would say, how’d you deal with them, but nothing, nothing, can ever prepare you for the real thing and Jamie understood that now because it felt like his head was spinning and he couldn’t quite organise his thoughts.

“Jamie?”

Her quiet voice pulled him out from the depths of his own head and he gave a strangled ‘yeah’ in response.

“I just think we need some time,” she whispered, the tears threatening once more.

Jamie honestly didn’t know what else to say to her and the ‘okay’ he gave was so quiet and so abstract that he wasn’t even a hundred percent sure that he’d actually said it, he must have done though because the line went dead and Jamie was left sitting in the pieces of his shattered heart.

Jamie couldn’t remember how long he’d cried for, he wasn’t even sure how many days he’d stayed locked inside his apartment before he felt strong enough to put on a brave face and eventually go outside. He knew that he only had himself to blame though, that he should’ve told her years ago that it was her and that she was it for him and now, because of his own stupidity, his own jealousy, he’d only succeeded in pushing her away and he wasn’t sure how he could fix this or if he could even fit it at all. It was a strange feeling, being in the same city as someone and yet feeling like they were a million miles away, it was even harder having to dodge questions from his family about how Leo was doing and what they’d been up to and even though he was certain that his mother could see straight through his lies, he was thankful that she could at least sense that this was something he didn’t want her to prod him about. For the first time in his professional playing career, Jamie made the decision to leave Toronto early and head back to Pittsburgh before the start of training camp, citing a desire to get a head start and get back in shape ready for the season ahead and while his parents found it all to be rather odd, Jamie did his best to assure them that everything was fine and that he’d see them the next time the Penguins played the Leafs in Toronto at Christmastime.

Leo wasn’t doing much better, despite whatever front she’d put up to try and convince herself and everybody else. She’d cried until she was nothing but a shell, figuring that the best thing to do was just to get it all out of her system so that she could look to put it all behind her and move on but stumbling every single time whenever she remembered that he’d called her ‘babe’, because that was new and she didn’t fully understand what exactly that had meant and why it made her heart leap into her throat every time she thought of the word rolling around on his tongue. To make matters worse, the day after she pushed Jamie away for some self-imposed space, Ben had stopped by her apartment, naturally concerned after she’d ignored all of his calls – not that it was anything personal, she’d been ignoring everyone.

He’d told her that he thought Jamie was in love with her and he also told her that he thought she loved Jamie too, like it was that simple and while Leo tried her best to assure him that her and Jamie were just friends, he wasn’t about to be convinced. Make no mistake, it wasn’t as if Ben was accusatory in anyway, in fact Leo would’ve preferred it if he was, because he was looking at her with far too much understanding and kindness than she was sure she deserved. She found it admirable really, how he was able to be so mature about it all and it just proved to her how childishly she had handled everything and just how blind to everything she’d been. The words Ben had left her with were ones that she’d meditate on for weeks, months even. He’d said, ‘I think you need to talk to Jamie, really talk to him. You both need to sit down and look at every single thing between you both because it’s all there, the love, the spark between you two. I’d never even met the guy before but I could just feel it between you guys as soon as you looked at each other. I saw the way he looked at you when he walked into that bar, he looked at you like you’d hung all the stars in the sky. That’s love, Leo and I know that deep down you feel that way too. If after you’ve done that you can still look me in the eye and honestly tell me that you don’t love him and that there’s nothing there then I’ll be here waiting and we can give this a shot, but I think you need to really think about what you want.’

It seemed like such a simple thing on paper, working out what she really wanted, but the reality of it all was that Leo wasn’t exactly sure what that looked like. One thing was clear though, without Jamie in her life she was miserable, but this had been her idea and she knew that it’d been one that had broken his heart and to slink back to him so soon, with her tail between her legs after knowing she’d hurt him by pushing him away, was too much for her silly little pride to handle. She told herself that she would call him, that she would reach out and apologise, but with every day that slipped by it felt like the space between them grew tenfold and something as simple as a phone call felt like it was as hard as climbing Everest.

Jamie had hoped that getting back to Dallas would take his mind off Leo, the sprawling void between them and his feelings for her, and he’d tried, he’d really honestly tried, even going so far as signing up to dating apps to try and drown her out that way, but it was useless. Leo was everywhere and nowhere all at once and Jamie felt like he was floating in outer space, surrounded by dust and emptiness when all he wanted was to feel like he was home; but as each day passed without any contact from her, the more lost Jamie felt and he was terrified that he’d never be found and that he’d be floating around in the nothingness forevermore.

The months fell away much like the russet leaves of fall and Christmas was suddenly only a whisper away. Jamie had made preparations to stay in Toronto following the Penguins’ matinee game against the Leafs on December 23rd and would fly back into Pennsylvania the day after Christmas ready for his first game after the holiday on December 27th. He couldn’t remember a time where he’d been able to enjoy Christmas at home with his family since turning pro and even though his return to Toronto would bring him closer to Leo and while there was still a lot of uncertainty between them both given that they hadn’t actually spoken since August, he was looking forward to being able to unwind for a few days before the second push of the season began. He hadn’t told Leo that his plans would bring him back to the city but she’d figured as much when she’d discovered that the last game the Leafs would play before Christmas would be against Pittsburgh and she knew he would be staying once she realised Pittsburgh’s next game wasn’t for another few days.

She knew that she should reach out while he was home, not only because it was the right thing to do, but also because she hadn’t actually told her parents that she’d not spoken a word to him in the last four months and it would look incredibly weird if she didn’t see him at least once while he was back in town. There were a number of reasons why she’d not said anything about the spat that she’d had with Jamie, the main one being because it would open a whole can of worms that she absolutely did not want opening, it would open her up to questions from her parents and they were questions that she didn’t want to face and didn’t really have answers for. The reason she didn’t have answers to those questions was because while she’d finally accepted that Jamie wasn’t just a friend, she also knew that she’d blown any real chance with him because of the way she’d acted so it was far easier to maintain that air of indifference and pretend like there was nothing there so that she didn’t have to deal with the reality that she’d ruined everything with her own stupidity.

She’d toyed with the idea of sending him a quick text message to check in, but after everything they’d been through it seemed a little bit impersonal, although it didn’t have her picking up the phone either. She’d wondered if Jamie would even want to see her while he was home for those few days over the holidays, after all, for all she’d been the one to impose their time apart, he hadn’t exactly reached out to her. What did she expect though? She knew deep down Jamie was always going to respect her wishes, even if they broke his heart, but it was easier to ignore that and instead fester in her own misery.

The decision on whether or not to see Jamie was made for her though, with her mother telling her that the Oleksiaks thought it would be nice for them all to get together before Christmas and that arrangements had been made for them to all attend the game followed by dinner at The Butcher Chef. Leo couldn’t help but be a little bit surprised at this, considering how awful she’d been to Jamie and she was shocked that his family would want to spend more than a second with her, which could only lead her to believe that Jamie had deployed the same tactic of silence with his parents as she had done with her own. It should have been funny, how similar they were, but it was that similarity that had dropped them into this mess in the first place. If only one of them had been mature enough to look at all that there was between them and take that leap of faith, perhaps she’d be overjoyed at the prospect of seeing Jamie instead of that sickening anxious feeling that knotted her stomach. It was ironic, she thought, how Jamie had always thought of her as being brave because right now, as she looked back on her behaviour and how she’d handled it all, she’d been anything but.

Leo was more than a little relieved to discover that they’d be meeting the Oleksiaks inside of Scotiabank Area because it meant that Jamie wouldn’t be with them and she could at least catch up with Richard, Alison, Hayley and Penny without any massive amounts of awkwardness. She could play off her recent and sudden distance on work being crazy and hopefully, just hopefully, by the end of the game she’d be feeling relaxed enough that seeing Jamie wouldn’t be the big deal she’d made it out to be in her head. As she took her seat in the stands she found herself sandwiched between her mother and Penny, the youngest Oleksiak. Leo had always loved Jamie’s sisters, especially Penny, seeing a lot of herself in the younger girl and they’d always been partners in crime when it came to winding Jamie up. They’d talked about Penny’s swimming and how she’d been and the thundering in Leo’s chest had begun to settle somewhat until Penny had mentioned how down Jamie had seemed the last time they’d talked and that she hoped Leo could give him one of her world-famous pep talks to snap him out of his funk. If Penny had felt Leo stiffen beside her at that, she mercifully didn’t say anything and continued to watch the game. Leo couldn’t focus though, not when the guilt had suddenly jumped up from where she’d shoved it deep down into her stomach and now felt like it had lodged itself within her windpipe. She had taken to focusing on the game clock, counting along with the numbers until she could push through the tightening in her chest and set her features into something that was a bit more neutral instead of the tight-lipped grimace she was wearing. Leo was thankful that the game on the ice was end-to-end because no one had seemed to notice the turmoil she found herself in and no questions were asked.

Leo declined the invitation from Alison and Richard to go down with them to wait for Jamie to come out of the locker room, simply stating that she would keep her parents company and wait with them upstairs and was relieved when they didn’t press the issue or make insistences. It was around forty minutes later when she saw the tall figure of Jamie’s dad appear in the foyer, Alison and the girls close behind with Jamie bringing up the rear. It was like one of those cliché romance movie moments, where two people find each other’s eyes across a crowded room and it feels like the whole world stops spinning, except most of the people had filtered out of the stadium by now and the space between them felt so vast that it would take lightyears to cross.

He was cautious, Leo noticed, but his eyes were just as soft as they’d always been as they took her in. She looked good, Jamie thought, but there was a sadness in her smile and the spark he’d always associated with her was barely there. He wanted so desperately to pull her tight against his chest and tell her that he was sorry over and over again until he was sure that she believed him, but this wasn’t the time nor the place so he settled for an awkward wave and a ‘hey’ that sounded too nervous and too hesitant to be greeting an old friend with, instantly regretting it when he saw the tight-lipped smile and too formal ‘hello’ that she gave in reply. Their parents exchanged a serious of glances that ranged from confusion to concern but much to Leo and Jamie’s reprieve, Alison simply clapped her hands together and remarked how lovely it was that everyone was back together again. Leo made sure to stick close to her parents during the short walk to the restaurant because while she wasn’t certain that Jamie would try to address the weirdness between them and while she also knew that it was a conversation that they absolutely needed to have, she wasn’t sure that a five minute walk within earshot of their families was the best time.

An awkward exchange at the door to the restaurant, where the two of them spent a good twenty seconds inviting each other to go in ahead, earned the pair strange looks from their parents and Penny had uttered ‘weirdos’ as she side-eyed them while they were all escorted to their table. The fact that they’d purposefully chosen seats as far away from each other as possible raised their fathers’ eyebrows while Alison and Diana shared a worried glance. Penny was giving her brother a pointed look from behind her menu before flicking her gaze across to Leo, who was studying the wine list as if it were written in hieroglyphics, and back to Jamie, who could only respond with a pleading look and a shake of his head. When the order was taken Jamie couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows at the prawn, avocado and chilli bruschetta Leo had picked for her appetizer. For as long as he’d known her they’d been united in their mutual hatred of the green pitted fruit and despite the fact that it was entirely plausible that her taste-buds had changed in the four months since they’d last spoken and despite it being something so incredibly small, and so incredibly innocuous, he couldn’t help but feel further away from her than ever before. The feeling only grew as he listened to her talk to his mother about what she’d been up to in her spare time, not even knowing that she’d taken up watercolour painting and had been to a belly-dancing taster class that she’d thoroughly enjoyed and was considering signing up to. It might have only been four months apart, but it might as well have been an entire lifetime that had passed and the ache in his chest made it impossible to focus on anything else other than the overwhelming sadness he felt at the recognition that everything had changed between them and that things would never be the same again.

The pair soldiered on through dinner, seeming to talk to everyone else but each other and while there was the occasional shared glance, it never lasted for any longer than a couple of seconds before one of them looked away and carried on like it had never even happened. It was all getting a bit much for Jamie, with the way that it felt like he was losing her with each second that passed and the way it felt like she was at the other side of the world and not at the other side of a table. He wanted to scream into that void, scream that this was all stupid, that he was sorry and that he missed her so much that he felt like he was going to die, but he didn’t. Instead he’d told Bill all about Pittsburgh and the season so far and made small talk about what kind of vehicle he should buy next. Leo found herself getting agitated at how forced it all felt, how uncomfortable she was and all she wanted was for dessert to be over so they could split the bill and say their goodbyes so that she could lock herself in her apartment and drown her despair in a bottle of wine. It killed her that the man she’d known from being a little boy, a man who knew her better than anyone else in the world, felt like a complete stranger, but above that, it killed her that this had been all of her own making. There was so much she should have done differently and even more that she should have said, but instead her own stupidity and stubbornness had pushed away the one thing in her life she wanted the most and she’d convinced herself that Jamie had only agreed to this and sorted tickets for the game tonight because he knew it would make his mother happy. That thought forced Leo to swallow down the emotion that sat high in her throat because it was just another reminder of every BBQ and every party the two families had ever shared together and how it all felt that little bit different now. Not only had she ruined things between her and Jamie, but she’d also managed to ruin things for everyone else too.

Not a moment too soon for Leo, the two families were paying the check and found themselves outside in the chilly evening air. Leo let herself be passed down the line of Oleksiaks for a goodbye hug, chastising herself each time for how stiff was but still not able to let herself relax despite the awareness, until she was confronted with Jamie’s large frame. She couldn’t not hug him with how it felt like all eyes were on them both and so she allowed herself to be pulled awkwardly into his body while her own was filled with tension that she was sure everyone could see but couldn’t help all the same.

“Goodnight,” Jamie mumbled. “Have a good Christmas.”

“Yeah,” Leo replied, voice robotic and distant as she pulled away a little too quickly. “You too.”

An awkward silence descended upon the group that had Jamie shifting uncomfortably and Leo drawing her coat tighter around her for reasons unrelated to the cold Toronto air. Leo could tell her mother was desperate to say something and she was praying to anyone who was listening that this would be one of those things that Diana would let slide without pressing further. Someone somewhere must have heard her silent pleas though because her mother said her goodbyes once more and wished Jamie a safe trip back to Pittsburgh before the trio headed back towards the car. Nobody spoke for a few beats as they settled into their seats and put on their belts but Leo knew that the barrage of incoming questions was imminent judging by the look in her father’s eye as she caught his gaze in the rearview mirror.

“Wanna tell us what that was all about?”

“It’s nothing,” Leo mumbled as she adjusted her coat.

“Honey, that was about as far from nothing as you could get,” her mother replied as she turned in her seat to look at Leo. “I coulda cut the atmosphere between you two back there with a knife.”

“Honestly, mom, it’s nothing and I’d really rather not discuss it right-“

“Not an option,” her father cut in, a stern edge to his tone. “I’m pulling rank and I’m playing the ‘dad’ card here. What happened back there was painful to watch and it made dinner incredibly awkward so I’ll ask you again, what happened between you two?”

Leo exhaled into the darkness of the car as the city lights passed by outside, unsure where to even begin. She decided to lead with the obvious and hoped that the rest would follow.

“We fought,” she said matter-of-factly. “We had a stupid argument and we haven’t spoken since August.”

“Oh, Leonora,” her mother sighed. “What could the two of you have possibly fought over that stopped you from talking for four months?”

“Remember when I was dating Ben?”

Diana hummed in acknowledgment.

“Well, that night that Ben and I went out for drinks, the night before we broke up, we met up with Jamie and he was… he was kind of an asshole to Ben.”

Bill chuckled softly at that, a million miles away from the harshness of his tone not a few moments ago and shook his head which earned him a glare from Leo into the rearview mirror.

“Oh come on,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You’re a bright girl, Leo. You must have realised that he was acting out of jealousy.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Dad. Why the hell would Jamie be jealous of Ben?”

“For someone who is so incredibly smart you really are oblivious,” her mother replied with an exasperated sigh. “That boy is head over heels for you. Has been for years.”

“What? Don’t be insane!” Leo scoffed as she rolled her eyes. “Jamie and I are-“

“Just friends,” Bill interrupted. “Sure ya are.”

“We are.”

Leo crossed her arms over her chest, not caring that it made her look like she’d regressed back into her teenage years, especially with the frustrated pout that had formed on her lips. Her father sighed in mild frustration, too full of food to have much patience for his daughter’s stubbornness.

“You’re just too stubborn to see anythin’ else. Talk some sense into her, Di, would ya?”

Diana surveyed Leo with a soft expression, perceptive enough to know that her daughter was struggling with some inner tumult but was too bull-headed to verbalise it and too proud to ask for help.

“Nora Noo,” she said softly to get Leo’s eyes on hers. “You must know by now that Jamie loves you,” Leo went to speak but Diana anticipated her protests and cut her off gently. “And not just as a friend. He loves you and I’d hazard a guess that you love him too.”

“He doesn’t love me, mom. We didn’t speak for four months.”

“And was that his idea?”

Leo looked away and her silence told her mother all she needed to know.

“I didn’t think so. Sounds to me like he was just giving you the space you asked for.”

“Why would you assume it was me who asked for space? I never said that,” Leo protested.

“You didn’t have to,” Diana countered, her eyes keen on Leo. “I know you well enough to know that you were clearly struggling with all these feelings that you didn’t know what to do with, you were mad at him and the easiest thing for you to do was push him away and because Jamie loves you so much, he respected your wishes, even though he’s quite clearly been struggling too.”

Leo didn’t have an answer to that because she knew that any words that came out of her mouth would’ve been a lie. Her mother had hit the nail on the head and she knew it too because while her eyes were still soft on Leo, there was the hint of a smirk on her lips and she knew she had her daughter stumped. She decided not to push the issue anymore though and shifted in her seat to face forwards again, leaving Leo sat in the back of the car, brows knitted together and her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. She didn’t speak another word until they pulled up outside of her apartment building and even then all she could manage was a subdued goodbye followed up with ‘see you both tomorrow.’

If Leo could’ve been a fly on the wall in the Oleksiaks’ car, she’d have laughed at the fact that Jamie was being subjected to a similar, if not identical, lecture from his parents as the one she’d received. They’d get a good kick out of the absurdity of it all later on when the dust had settled, but Jamie didn’t know that yet and his face was currently drawn in pensive thought while he mulled over his mother’s words that had scarily echoed Diana’s to Leo in their sentiments. He knew she was right, about all of it and the more he thought about it, the more he began to understand that this might be the only chance he had to make things right before Leo slipped away from him for good. It was that realization and that overwhelming fear of losing the one thing in his life he was sure of that had him asking his father to turn the car around and to take him to Leo’s apartment.

The warm glow of the Christmas lights in Leo’s apartment would have ordinarily brought a smile to her face but she was too weary to fall for their charms tonight and it was the kind of weariness that she was sure couldn’t be fixed with sleep. Seeing Jamie tonight had made everything exponentially harder and only served as a painful and bitter reminder of just how bad she’d let things get between them. She should’ve reached out, she should’ve stared down everything that was right in front of her but she was too afraid to see and she should have said everything that she knew to be true in her heart and that Jamie deserved to hear. She wiped the makeup off her face angrily as she tried to supress a sniffle, a too-big Huskies sweatshirt that had belonged to Jamie hanging off her frame that served as a symbol of her wilful suffering. She knew that it wasn’t the best idea to try and numb the pain with a bottle of wine, but she didn’t know what else to do in the moment and so she collected the bottle of medicinal Riesling from the fridge, grabbed herself the biggest wine glass she owned and took them into her living room.

She was just about to bring the glass up to her lips when a loud and urgent knock at her door made her jump right out of her skin. She debated ignoring it but it became so insistent and unrelenting that she was worried the noise would disturb her neighbours and so she begrudgingly set her glass down before dragging her body from the couch and to the door. On the other side of it was a frantic looking Jamie, chest heaving from presumably taking the stairs and a slightly wild look in the usually calm ocean of his eyes.

“Can I come in?” he asked, a hint of nervousness in his otherwise resolute delivery.

“You know you can,” Leo breathed as she moved out of the way to let him in, closing the door behind him and leaning against it as she watched him carefully.

The silence stretched between them, Leo waiting nervously for Jamie to speak while he took a few settling breaths. He knew that he had to get this right because he felt like one wrong word would lose him everything. It was the same reason why Leo maintained a tentative reticence.

A moment.

That was all it would take.

One moment that sat like a void and one moment that could change everything, whichever way it went. This was such a moment, so big that it felt like entire galaxies could fit inside of it and still leave room for more. He waited for her to speak for what felt like forever while she stood on a knife edge, knowing that whatever words come out of her mouth next would rearrange both of their lives in ways that they understood would make it impossible to return to how things were not even ten minutes ago, not that either of them wanted to go back to that.

Yes, it was moment that was terrifying in every conceivable way.

But it was theirs.

“What happened to us?” Jamie wondered aloud, breaking the deafening silence. “How the hell did we get to this?”

“You were the one who was an ass, Jamie, not me,” Leo shot back, perhaps angrier than was necessary given the fact that Jamie’s question wasn’t delivered accusingly. “I know I should’ve told you about Ben and I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings by not saying anything sooner but that toxic masculinity bullshit at the bar? Really?”

“You don’t fucking see it, do you?” Jamie laughed humourlessly, Leo’s tone causing a flicker of anger within his chest. “Even now, when I’m here right in front of you, you’re still too stubborn to see it or maybe you do see it but you just don’t have the balls to tell me that you don’t feel the same way.”

“Don’t you dare make assumptions about how I feel,” Leo snapped, the tears springing to her eyes in an instant. “Don’t you dare. You have no idea what these past four months-“

“Of course I do!” Jamie spat. “I’ve been living it every single day since you told me you needed space! I wake up and it hurts, I go to bed and it still fucking hurts. I felt like I was dying every single day. You wanted this and it fucking broke my heart, Leo, it broke my heart but I did it anyway because you asked me to and I would do anything for you, anything in the whole world and yet you couldn’t even be honest with yourself and see what was right in front of you.”

Leo’s heart splintered and cracked at the agony etched into Jamie’s features, agony that she knew she’d caused and she couldn’t stop the tears from breaking the dam she was precariously keeping them behind and surging forward as Jamie’s own silent tears slipped out onto his cheeks.

“All I wanted was for you to love me like I love you, Leo. That was it.”

Jamie’s broken voice pulled the sob from her lungs but even though it felt like she couldn’t breathe and even though she knew she’d made such a mess of things, she still managed to catch those three words and hang onto them like they were a life line that would keep her from drifting away into outer space. They were also the words that had her legs carrying her towards him, closing the distance and pushing everything that separated them to the side until she was pressed tightly against his chest with her arms tight around him.

“I do, Jamie,” she cried. “I do love you. I love you more than anything else in this world and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry that I pushed you away, that I ignored everything for so long. You’re my person, Jame, you always have been, ever since we were kids, long before I even understood what love was. Fuck, I’m so sorry, Jame.”

Jamie held her tightly within his arms, frightened that she might float away if he didn’t keep her steadfast against him and buried his face into her hair, his own quiet tears falling into the umber strands as he shushed her gently to quieten her cries.

“I’m sorry too, babe. I should have told you, I should have said something, I just didn’t know what to say and I was so scared that I’d lose you and then when I found out you were dating, I just, I hated the idea of you with anyone else and I know that was wrong and I know that I should’ve just told you how I was feeling but the thought of you not feeling the same way, God, it killed me.”

Leo lifted her head, the wet jungle of her eyes shining like the Amazon meeting the lagoon of his as her hand reached up to caress his strong jaw and Jamie nuzzled into the touch before he pressed a soft kiss to her palm, everything else melting away until it was just the feeling of her skin and the gentle press of her body against his.

“There’s no one else like you Jamieson Oleksiak,” she murmured softly as her thumb swept gently across his cheek. “No one.”

“I love you, Leo,” Jamie whispered, his eyes shining with tears before he slowly dipped his head down to bring his lips to hers and captured them in a tender kiss, their first kiss.

She melted into him instantly, her hands moving to the back of his neck while his found the backs of her thighs to lift her up and wrap her legs around his waist. He kissed her like he was suffocating and she was his oxygen, kissed her for every time he should’ve told her that he loved her and kissed her for every day that he should have already been kissing her and for everything Jamie was giving her, Leo gave it back tenfold. Their mouths moved together in a complete unity which betrayed the fact that they hadn’t already been doing this for years, each knowing what the other needed with each pass of their tongues and every pause for breath.

Leo’s fingers tangled themselves into Jamie’s short curls and the gentle tug she gave them earned her a deep groan and a flex of his palms against her thighs. It was instinctive, really, to carry her into her bedroom and though Leo should’ve felt anxious about sharing that final part of herself with Jamie, it felt like the most natural thing in the world for her to do. He removed her clothes carefully, almost dutifully, exalting her skin with his mouth like her body was a temple and every kiss was a holy offering. He learned her body like lyrics from his favourite song and remembered every sigh and every flex of her fingers against his skin whenever he did something that she liked until he was confident that he would be able recite it word for word if she asked him to. He’d never felt more at home than he did between her thighs with her arms wrapped around the broad expanse of his back and with every breath and every moan shared between them both, he knew with complete certainty that she was it for him and while he didn’t know the exact details of what their life together would look like, he also knew that it didn’t really matter as long as he had her.

They moved together between the sheets as sure and as steady as the falling snow outside, in their own world where nothing and no one could touch them and all that mattered was what they were giving to each other in that moment. Leo carved her name into Jamie’s skin as her nails raked across his shoulders, a wordless encouragement for more of him. She was cradled within his arms, safe and warm and home while his lips brushed along her jaw, whispers of love murmured into her skin with every breath he took. He quickened his pace as he sensed the wave begin to grow inside of her, swallowing her moans with a kiss when the wave finally broke against the shore and she tumbled over the edge. He stayed with her as she rode the crest of her orgasm, working her through it while he chased his own high.

“Fuck, Leo. I’m so close, babe,” he gritted, hips driving into hers.

“Let go, Jame…”

He kissed her roughly as his hips faltered, spilling inside of her with a low groan and shallow thrusts until he was spent. Leo’s lips brushed along his jaw, pressing kisses along the sharp angle of his face and against the shell of his ear.

“I love you so much,” she whispered, Jamie smiling against her neck before pulling out and rolling onto his back, nestling her into his side until she settled with her head against his chest and her arm draped over his stomach. He dropped his lips to press a kiss against her forehead, gentle and chaste and full of all the love her had for her while Leo’s fingers traced along his ribs, leaving a ripple of goose bumps in their wake.

They laid in silence for a while, limbs tangled in the sheets while the snow fell silently outside. It was a peace that reflected the one they both felt within their souls and Leo wasn’t sure she ever wanted to leave the solace and serenity of their cocoon, the steady thump of Jamie’s heart and the gentle rise and fall of his chest had her in a trance-like state and it was Jamie’s soft chuckle that pulled her back to the present.

“Sorry,” she murmured.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly into her hair.

“Yeah.” She shifted and propped herself up on her elbow so that she was looking at Jamie, smiling at the peaceful expression she found resting on his features. “Just happy.”

He reached out to cup the back of her head and pulled her in to place three gentle pecks to her lips, smiling against her mouth before he pulled away to look into her eyes and tuck the loose strands of her hair back.

“Good,” he grinned. “Because this would be really fuckin’ awkward if you weren’t.”

Leo laughed at that, free and easy and Jamie felt like he could fly with the way her head was thrown back and her eyes had crinkled with her bright smile.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Yeah, it really would.”

She looked at him for a breath, the smile still playing on her lips before she moved her eyes to the tattoo at his ribs and traced the lines of it lightly with her fingertips. She knew that this was good and right and everything she’d ever wanted for so long and she knew that it would take a while before she could truly forgive herself for everything she’d put Jamie through, but the rhythmic stroking of Jamie’s fingers against her lower back kept her grounded in this moment with him before her mind could take off running while she focused on the black lines of ink on his skin.

“I um wasn’t completely honest with you about that tattoo,” Jamie mumbled.

“What about?”

“When you asked if I’d got it for you.”

Leo shook her head gently. “I was only teasing, Jame.”

“Yeah, I know,” he acknowledged. “But it really always was for you, at least in some part.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Remember that I told you that it represented bravery and courage?” He asked, Leo nodding in response. “Well those were things that I learned from you. You taught me what it meant to be brave, what it meant to live fearlessly and to be brave and chase my dreams. That lion is you Leo and you’ve been with me. You’ve been with me this whole time.”

Leo didn’t quite know what to say to that because while she’d always quietly and selfishly imagined that it was for her, having it confirmed by Jamie was an entirely different ball game and it was a little overwhelming but in the best possible way. She instead curled herself back into his side and rested her head against his strong chest, her arm draping heavily around him. Jamie wrapped her tight in his arms, nuzzling his nose into her hair and pressing soft kisses to the crown of her head while he breathed her in, all pineapple and coconut and Leo.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked quietly.

“You know you can.”

“What was with the avocado tonight?”

Jamie was slightly taken aback by the gentle laugh Leo let out against his chest but didn’t move from where his nose was nestled amongst the wild waves on top of her head.

“I don’t know, honestly,” Leo admitted, her lips quirking into a small smile against Jamie’s skin. “Guess I just wanted to try it to see if I still hated it.”

“And I’m guessing by the fact you left half of it on your plate-“

“Still disgusting,” Leo interjected with a laugh which Jamie matched in earnest before pressing another kiss into her hair while she went quiet again once more.

She closed her eyes and let the steady thud of Jamie’s heartbeat quiet her mind that had taken itself off to the races and was trying to work out how this would all work and where that would leave them when Jamie had to go back to Pittsburgh in a couple of days. Jamie sensed her though, so in tune with her and her body and her mind to pick up on the subtle little cues that told him she was going down the rabbit hole, so he called her back to him with a gentle whisper of her name.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

“I just,” she sighed quietly. “I just don’t know how this looks for us, Jame. I just got you and now it feels like I’m gonna lose you all over again. It’s different this time, you leaving and I know it’s gonna-.” She trailed off, sniffling slightly as the pain of Jamie leaving town washed over her and filled her eyes with fresh tears.

“Hey, hey”, Jamie soothed, tucking his fingers under her chin and tilting her head up to get her eyes on his. “It’s okay, babe. It’s gonna be okay. We’ll figure it out, okay? Pittsburgh isn’t far away and you can come and stay whenever you want. We’ll get through the rest of this season and then when I’m home in the summer we can work out all the details, yeah?”

Leo saw the intensity and the certainty in Jamie’s eyes and she saw the truth in them, their truth and Leo knew that whatever happened, Jamie would make sure that they were okay, so she nodded her head slowly and buried her face against the crook of his neck.

“We’re gonna be fine, baby,” he murmured into her hair. “Let’s not worry about that right now, yeah? Let’s just focus on this moment.”

He pressed a sequence of kisses to the top of her head and settled her comfortably against him, drawing little circles with his fingertips at her hips until he felt her body go heavy as she slipped into sleep.

Jamie laid there, his eyes drifting to the window where the snow was still falling heavily outside and smiled to himself despite the fact that he knew Leo was right. He didn’t know how this would look for them either and he didn’t know what the future had in store for him, he didn’t even know if he was going to be in Pittsburgh next year and God only knows where he would end up. But none of that really mattered, not really, because when he looked at Leo fast asleep in his arms, the woman who was his whole world and always had been, he knew that wherever he went, wherever his path would lead him, he would always have a home in her heart and now that he knew that he had a home in hers too, everything else was just confetti.

Love isn’t always fireworks. It’s not always loud or in your face or even a moment where you lock eyes with a stranger across the room and fall head over heels at first sight. Sometimes love is quiet. Sometimes love grows slowly like an oak tree, starting out as a tiny acorn before springing tiny shoots and leaves and while it might not look like much at first, the roots grow deep and strong and nurture the sapling until it becomes something big and beautiful. It happens so slowly over time that it can be difficult to notice it happening at all, but it grows all the same, bigger and bigger until it’s mighty and proud and impossible to ignore. The tree is strong, unmoveable, enduring and weathers whatever storm comes its way because it’s had the time and the devotion to mature into something truly remarkable. That is the kind of love that many only ever get to dream of and Jamie and Leo would be thankful every second of every day that they were lucky enough to find that in each other because even though we live in a universe of infinite possibilities, there are some things in life that just make sense and when it’s good and it’s right, it will always find a way.

#jamie oleksiak #jamie oleksiak fic #nhl fic #nhl fiction #nhl writing #nhl fanfiction #hockey writing #hockey fiction #hockey fic #hockey fanfiction #jamie and leo #TSSTM universe #leo and rig #my writing

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lululawrence · 3 years

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Polyamory Fic Rec

I thought I’d made one already, but apparently I hadn’t. So, since @twopoppies had an anon looking for more, I figured I’d go ahead and make a rec list now. This is not exhaustive, but it’s a start!

Please remember to leave the authors kudos and nice comments to show appreciation for their work.

I Should've Known by @nikogda (Liam/Louis/Harry, 11k)

It started out with little things here and there. A light that needed replacing. The belt in the vacuum. Small things, and eventually they took advantage of it.

Louis decided they needed another, larger repair whilst talking with his alpha neighbour, Liam. Liam had said he would do it for Louis and his partner, Harry.

And, well, it sort of went a little off track from there. What was an innocent thing at first, was now the two omegas’ way of catching the sweet deep scent of their alpha neighbour one whom they both mutually crushed.

Or: the one where alpha Liam moves in next door to bonded omegas Louis and Harry. All three go on their own journeys but in the end find that maybe, in the end, it really was always each other.

And That Was That by @lightwoodsmagic (Zayn/Liam/Harry/Louis, 23k)

“Okay. When Zayn and I were working on the set yesterday, Liam dropped by and mentioned he had a date. I asked Zayn about it, and he said that they’re ah - poly?”

Harry blinked.

“Oh yeah, I knew that. Li mentioned it when we were playing tennis once.” He ran his hand through Louis’ hair, smiling softly when he nuzzled into the touch.

“Is that what’s making you act strange? Because it seems like something that works for them, and I —.”

“Zayn has feelings for me.” A deep breath, and then blue eyes locked on green. “He said he needs distance because he has to get over them.”

Harry hadn’t realised his hand had fallen from Louis’ face until his fingers were being tangled and gripped tightly.

Or, Zayn and Liam have been polyamorous for years, but Harry and Louis are monogamous. When Zayn meets Louis and starts to fall for him, it opens them all up for something they've never experienced before.

That Don't Define Who You Are by lululawrence (Nick/Harry/Louis, 7k)

“Shit,” Harry muttered, rushing towards the man. “Are you alright?”

The man clearly tried to muffle his scream. “No, I’m really not. I’m afraid you’ll need to call 999.”

When Harry reached the man, he saw the man’s leg had gotten caught by pieces of the bike that had come apart beneath him. Without thinking, Harry leaned down and lapped where the blood was flowing quickly until it slowed.

“I’m so sorry, I just didn’t want you to pass out whilst I was on the phone.”

“God, no, don’t apologise,” the man said. “My mum’s a licking omega, see. Quite soothing.”

Harry blushed. “Yeah. Let me see about an ambulance for you.”

Or the one where Harry is a licking omega with a broken bond who helps heal a fairly hapless beta with a folding bicycle. When Harry also meets the beta's alpha, things start to get... interesting.

Its Mutual We (All) Discussed It by @nikogda (Zayn/Harry/Louis, 29k)

“Well you go to the agency, Alpha Donor Services and fill some forms out, whoever is doing the deed gets tested and such. And then they match you based on the papers with a few Alphas. You read the information on them and pick a few, they make sure they’re still willing and tell them about you. Eventually you guys will meet in public, do that a few times until you’re comfortable.” Niall scratched his arm lightly, and glances over at Harry, “The point of the service is to help a family, mostly an omega one, who can’t have children of their own. An Alpha will help an Omega get pregnant.”

“I feel like this is a lot.” Harry mumbles, setting his mug down.

“It is. Or well it was but it was worth it, H. I mean, I would do this again. We already talked about it.”

“Really?”

Or: Two omegas in a committed relationship are ready to start a family. In the process, their alpha donor becomes part of the family too. Every part of their relationship may be unconventional but all of them have never been happier

old haunts are for forgotten ghosts by fortymaliks (Nick/Harry/Louis, 8k)

“It’s the three of us, now,” Harry says, finally.

Louis blinks.

“Like,” Harry rushes to clarify, “you, and me, and Nick.”

Louis wakes up with amnesia, and learns that he's missing two whole years of his life. Two whole years, and some interesting developments...

Orion's Belt by @londonfoginacup (Nick/Harry/Louis, 24k)

Louis and Nick have been in a happy committed relationship for two years, their matching soulmarks on display for the world to see. It’s been them against the world, the alpha/beta singer and radio DJ power duo.

All that changes on February 1st, when they wake up to a third matching soulmark.

As they say, the course of true love never did run smooth.

You're a Rabbit, Louis Series by @magicalrocketships (Nick/Harry/Louis, 16k)

"Maybe Louis turned into a rabbit," Nick suggests. They both laugh. Louis doesn't. Harry is an idiot and Nick is an even bigger one.

Louis stomps past both of them on four tiny, furry, baby rabbit paws, and into Nick's flat. "I hate you both," he says. He sits on the rug by the TV. "And you can stop following me around too," he says to Pig, who sits down next to him on the rug.

"But seriously," Harry says, from the door. "Where's Louis?"

Louis thumps his back leg on the floor. "I'm here, you idiot."

"I'm not really suggesting this could be true," Nick says carefully, "but are we sure he isn't a tiny baby rabbit?"

The "A" in "Normal" by Yesitstyles (Nick/Harry/Louis, 28k)

Louis eats chips, argues with his best friend Nick about the validity of various sexualities, and falls for a second crush. Harry tries to spell the word "normal".

Loving You's the Antidote by lululawrence (Nick/Harry/Louis, 11k)

Nick and Harry had never been an obvious match. When eighteen-year-old Harry, newly presented as an omega, came home freshly bonded to Nick, a man nine years his elder and a beta no less, Anne had been more than skeptical and Eileen had shared some harsh words of her own. That didn’t deter them, though, and their families soon realised there really was something special about the bondmates that allowed them to work together almost seamlessly.

It was only a few months later that Harry started getting sick.

Or the one where Harry and Nick have been able to keep Harry's disorder at bay over the course of their relationship, but when they move to London and away from their support system, they find themselves in desperate need of help.

Come Out and Play by @dinosaursmate (Combination of OT5 pairings, 30k)

“I have this… fantasy.” Louis smiled self-consciously. “Well, I- I’ve been thinking about it recently, you know?”

Harry smiled softly. “Say it, Lou.”

“I have this fantasy,” he repeated. “Of… all five of us.”

“All five of us,” Harry exclaimed. “Gosh.”

Louis buried his face into Harry’s armpit, and Harry giggled softly. --- Harry and Louis discover a new kink in their relationship, and it brings all the boys closer than they could have ever imagined.

Trinity's Fate by Anonymous (Nick/Harry/Louis, 43k)

When a person is sixteen years old, he or she finds out if they are a dom or a sub. Later when they turn eighteen, the name of their soulmate(s) appear somewhere on their body.

Louis Tomlinson, a sub, fears getting a dom more than anything.

When his eighteenth birthday approaches and the names Nicholas Grimshaw and Harry Styles, a well known dom couple who are DJs for BBC Radio 1, appear on his arms, Louis panics.

Let me be your good night by Conscious_ramblings (Nick/Greg/Harry/Louis, 8k)

The one where Harry and Louis are in love, they end up at a party with some friends, and end up discovering things about themselves, and their friends that could change everything.

The thing was, Harry and Louis weren’t poly. They’d never even played with others together, despite having talked about it quite a lot in the heat of arousal. When they had been at torture garden and antichrist they had flirted with the idea. Harry had even kissed a friend of theirs once to rile Louis up, which had lead to a great session on the Saint Andrew’s cross. Louis loved to watch Harry flirt, loved the way jealousy turned him on and riled him up, loved how pliant and submissive Harry could be when Louis claimed him after. But they definitely weren’t poly, and Louis wasn’t quite sure what that meant for this evening. Everyone else attending the party was, and Louis’ green-eyed-monster had been feeding off that fact for most of the bus ride here. Now he was confronted by a really hot man playing with his boyfriend’s hair like it was no big deal, and he didn’t know quite what to do.

Perfect Sky by @polkadotlou (Nick/Harry/Louis, 40k)

Sub pairs are a rare thing, not only because of the jealousy that can brew between submissives if a Dom isn't attentive to each.

A sub pair has to be balanced.

Harry and Louis have always fit each other without trying. With them, it's easy.

But sub pairs can't just go out in the world and live on their own.

Alternatively, Louis always knew that a Dom was going to come into his and Harry’s lives – he only wishes Nick picked him too.

The Only Thing That Keeps Me Grounded by lululawrence (Nick/Harry/Louis, 28k)

“Shit, I definitely missed the last train.”

“Oh no,” Louis lamented. “I’d offer a ride, but I’m part of a carpool and we’re full already. I’m so sorry.”

“Really, it’s fine.” Then, what Louis said sank in. “Wait, I thought you were here alone?”

“Oh, I am. I’m the only one dancing here tonight. The others were working. In fact, here’s Nick now.”

It felt like slow motion as a tall, lanky man with incredible hair came walking over towards Louis. He smiled before pulling Louis into him and giving him a quick kiss.

“Nick, this is my new friend Harry. He just moved to the area and he’s amazing at swing. Harry, this is my husband, Nick.”

Fuck.

Or the one where Harry moves to Washington DC to be a nanny and never expects that his past struggles with love will be brought to a head. He definitely never expects the solution to it all will be the man of his dreams that just so happens to be married to the other man of his dreams.

Tell Me It’s The Strongest Shape by @louandhazaf (Nick/Elgar/Louis, 73k)

Nick and Elgar have it all. They’re famous, successful, and engaged to be married—and sometimes they play with others.

When uni student Louis gets street cast by Elgar for a GQ photoshoot, he's drawn into Nick and Elgar’s complicated relationship.

They've always invited mates into their bed. It doesn’t ever mean anything. Until… it does.

it hurts, but it's worth it by words_unravel (Liam/Harry/Louis, 14k)

Liam finds the shots of the three of them, rolling around and laughing, a week or so later during a late night. After a moment's pause, she saves one of the photos, giving it some inane, boring name. She shuts down her computer after that and goes to bed.

It takes a long time before she falls asleep.

#mine #poly fic rec #my fic rec #fic rec #i love poly fics so much #i thought i had made one of these already????#i was surprised to find i hadn't #so anyway #this is a good start

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macaroni-rascal · 3 years

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Waxing poetic idea: virtuosity

First of all, what a concept for a waxing poetic, we love the pun, we love it all. Second of all, I have no idea just how long this has been sitting in my inbox, but better late than never, I suppose!

When I think virtuosity I generally think about music, so for the purposes of this post, I am going to focus on how Virtue and Moir are masters of musicality, as I can make a separate post about their general talent and skating skills.

I truly believe that Tessa and Scott were (and continue to be) the most musically inclined ice dance team ever. It’s nothing new, but Paul MacIntosh their old coach has spoken before saying there as just something natural about them and their ear for music, Tracy Wilson commented on them as juniors and early in senior as a team that really listened to their music and that they used their edges and knee bend to match the rhythm of the dance, etc. It was obvious that this team just had a certain ability and flow that went above and beyond what had been previously seen in the sport.

They were ice dancing to music, not figure skating to background noise.

There was always an impression that music meant a lot to them, and the emotional connection they felt to music was very important, the program they hated the most (Malaguena) was because they didn’t chose it themselves, and the program they had the most trouble with emotionally (The Seasons) was because they also couldn’t form a connection and tried to force something. The stunning thing about Tessa and Scott’s skating is that nothing ever looks forced, it all seems to be placed and done to maximize their ability, the music, and the art of figure skating. So, cmplpete with hyperlinks as well as gif credit, lets get into it.

I say that Valse Triste is one of my favourite free dance of theirs, but I don’t think people get just how much. In terms of how much a song can be elevated by movement, VM did everything correct with Vale Triste.

This perfect moment in the beginning where the music is drawn out and sweeping and so their movements match perfectly, I just love the ina bauer moment right on that first long violin sound, followed by Tessa’s nice deep long edge and then another sweeping movement. Also, the last lift directly on the crescendo of the music, when Tessa raises her hands into the air when the silence holds, and then again, that lovely piece of silence while Tessa is balancing on Scott and his squat. Then the last moment with Scott’s arms and the violin again... All of this matches the music so well, it very much feels like they had this choreographed already, and then Jean Sibelius wrote Valse Triste for them. So stunning.

Umbrellas of Cherbourg was just a piece of mastery in terms of hitting musical highlights. The first lift was so effective, all the of the step sequences were musical and lilting and joyous. I also love the moment in this gif, the abandon in their movements echoes the abandon in the song as Catherine Deneuve sings “je ne peux pas, je ne peux pas” and it really does feel like they can’t help but move this way. I don’t need to understand French to feel it, they made the movement match the music so well that it becomes universal. Special shout out to the fucking stunning backwards inside edge they both hit as they go around the corner. *chefs kiss*

What I also love about their virtuosity and their musicality is that they never really settled. They picked a very difficult piece of music for the Olympic year because it was the only music they felt any connection with. It was a hard program because they really took time to highlight the music, and the accents are quick and staccato. What’s stunning, is that I think anyone who watches/knows vm can perfectly hear the music that should be playing over the gif, and nothing else COULD be playing. So often, especially recently, I watch ice dance programs if feels like any generic music could be on and it wouldn’t change much. Tessa and Scott could never. Every movement and every moment is deliberate and on theme.

Tessa and Scott’s dance holds are a literal thing of beauty and should be studied. That doesn’t have much to do with what I am writing about currently, but I thought it needed to be said. Nights and Days is an all time favourite programs. We love a wango. I love the opening especially and how they go from a nice easy arm movement to two quick poses, then Tessa’s moment with that leg and giving that face, that hit the opening notes so well, only to have the music really begin with their leg kicks.

Let’s talk about how a waltz goes counterclock wise on a dance floor and is quick-quick-slow and Tessa and Scott started their program going counter clock wise around the rink, and having their movement begin slow-quick quick, slow-quick quick...because I’m never not thinking about it

There are so many moments in their free dance to Hip Hip Chin Chin that I desperately love and that I have yet to see gifs of it. Besides the stellar and iconic opening footwork, the coolest twizzles (accenting the drums with their transition into each twizzle), and some very cool lifts (I mean, hello temptation lift), I love the step sequences and the transitions in this program so much. Some favs include:

Tessa’s booty pop to the drums and her arm on “rhythm”

Tossing Scott and a literal hip hip chin chin

Hitting twizzles and free legs on beat

Tessa just in this moment and her arms

The “I can’t resist” moment and the silence as they just pull in on beat, throw their hand up on beat, and hug on the ice sensually

That little kick they do in the step sequence right on the double beat

Anyway, that program is a fucking wonder and the fact they only did it once fully in competition is a small tragedy.

Tessa’s twizzle from the Waltz goes on right on that stunning lick of effervescent music lives rent free in my head and will until I die.

As does the extension and flair Tessa gets in this one small hand and arm movement. More character in this tiny little one second gif of carmen than in the entirety of Davis and White’s Notre-Damn that year, quote me.

Carmen, in and of itself, is so fascinating and intricate from a music standpoint, they hit all the moments so well. Tessa’s second leap into the air on the curve lift, the ending pose for the twizzles, that rad as hell and incredibly difficult transition where Scott all but throws Tessa face first into the ice and she lands in a sort of lunge that took all season to perfect. I could go on.

I truly am, one day, going to make a post about Dream a Little Dream and how it is the best short dance program ever performed. In terms of virtuosity it is unmatched. Again, it is that type of program where you can so easily hear the music playing the background because everything just...fits. I can hear Ella crooning “stars shining bright aboooove you” as Tessa rounds around Scott and his arms flow along with the melody. I also love the moment with “sycamore tree” and the transition there. Shout out also having the solo lady twizzle in the finnstep right on the boom of the music. There are too many moments to count. The whole program is magic.

Another special shout out to the latch step sequences and especially how they changed the diagonal step so that Tessa’s double twizzle hit right on the music and created such a moment. I also love the straight line lift and how with the changes made so it was timed perfectly to be in a moment of silence between lyrics. Tessa and Scott know how to use the moments of silence and stillness just as much as they know how to use the moments of intensity and attack.

Moment of appreciation for the guitar lick during the rumba where they kick in as they get that chocktaw key point before the inside 3-turns. Iconic behavior.

What I love is that they dig deep into their music, really listen, and really try and make their movements and their program not only match the music, but elevate the music to the point where you hear things you maybe didn’t before because it never got highlight in that way before.

I love that they aren’t afraid to not only hit the big, in your face “rooooxaNNE” moment, but it’s that they chose to put it at the end of their twizzle sequence which needs perfect timing, perfect synchronicity, and perfect attack. Not to mention, the amazing head-head moment with the violin right after. But then! It’s not just the end of the twizzle sequence, because they also accent the music every where in between because the first set is on beat to the music as is the second set which leads into their arm transition in character and then we get the big moment. With Tessa and Scott, their musicality is such that they create these little micro pockets of moments amidst one giant moment that is their full program; because the twizzles fit perfectly in the program, but the twizzles also stand alone as their own moment of tension and release -- just magnificent.

Off topic, but gosh it always amazes me just how fast they are going into and through this lift. As I’ve mentioned previously, it’s not just the big accents they are hitting, but the small ones as well. It took me half the season to realize there is a lovely little piano lick right as Tessa backflips and rises up into position, just as the music is rising along with her and once again, it just feels right. No other teams owns the ice and owns their music quite like them. Because it’s not just that they are so musical, its that they have the ability to skate to all of these different types of music, and look at home in every single one. In that, they are objectively unparalleled.

When Tessa and Scott skate, it almost feels like the music is asking them to create something, and is ultimately grateful for them doing so.

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meandmyechoes · 3 years

Note

I really wanna know the 7 ways to make a togruta hood PLEASE go off king

Seven Methods to Construct the Togrutan Hood (not)

(oh Nonnie, my mouth was working faster than my brain but come to think of it… there could really be seven methods to construct a Togrutan head… hat? THANK YOU FOR ENABLING ME. WHAT A SPIRAL.)

Part 1: What

Let's approach from a regular tailoring angle. First, you have to decide how many pieces (panels) there is and where the seam lines should go. Clothes are often simplified in animation so one has to figure out the what and where with the closing (e.g. zipper, button, ribbons etc.) as well. Basically, for every seam line there is, the garment will imitate closer to your body curve. Darts is another option finer adjustments. As a rule, I try to minimize seams to give that animation accuracy.

In the same principle as a human hood, the basic pattern can be made from either 1, 2, or 3 panels.

(2-piece vs 3-piece hood)

With the beginner's one-piece Hood, you'll be surprised how much can be done with a semicircle. Start with a capital D shape, and stitch them together along the curved edge. The difference between one and two identical D-pieces is a visible frontal central seam which causes the hood to dip in front. The Rebels White cloak is notably the only one that features an explicit frontal central seam. (LA cloak debatable) Note that both methods give you a traditional triangular hood, unless your fabric is super drapey. Regardless, it's easy to snuff it in so you won't see it from the front. With three panels, a rectangular piece is added between the two D pieces. There you'll have a flat top instead of a triangle on your round head. I've also tried one-piece + darts for a trapezoidal shape in the 304 cloak.

Fun fact, 304 most likely is Riyo's since it was embroidered with the same pattern on her dress. In the same vein 310 is Padmé's since theirs share the same linen material, orange accents and pastoral style. Since Ahsoka grew taller between these two episodes, and 310 can't be pulled down as much as 304.

But with the Togurtan hood, I figure one could try to cut it out of Front & Back, i.e. two trapezoids. We don't do this for human spherical heads, but it's great for montrals. It also helps to be screen-accurate with negligible side seams than a central back seam. I've mocked this pattern for the Snow Outfit with the Christmas hat. However, a drawback of this method would be it requires bespoke for best result. You need to know the exact height of, and width between the montrals, otherwise the hood would just hover above them in ill fit.

Hind Lek Pocket

The other defining feature is the hind lek. As seen in the Snow Outfit and the Finale Cloak, there is an extended pocket to accommodate the hind lek. The size of the pocket and its congrousness with the back silhouette is then points of consideration. Simply increasing hood height was not enough as I discovered making a basic hood for 304, the proportions look skewered and the person looks shorter than pleasing. The reason why Snow Outfit captured so many of our hearts is because, it's practically bespoke for Ahsoka, by Dave Filoni.

Growing Up

(Comparing increase in montral height and hood volume.)

That said, real lekku are soft flesh and not hard plastic like my doll. In younger Ahsoka's hoods (Film and 415), there was no hind lek pocket. Her lekku then are probably short enough to sit in a normal hood with a slight bent. The hood should go under her hind lek or the collar will constrict it. The togrutan hood must then be enlarged for the comfort of its owner. Otherwise, for a beanie or alpaca hat, I suppose hind lek coverage can be omitted. After that, it becomes more a problem for the stylist than the tailor, how much of one's head to cover/accessorize to balance the entire look. (bonnetbaby and fancy hats ahsoka are still on my wishlist uwu)

It seems in the span of the war, Ahsoka outgrew a cloak every year, which wouldn't be a surprise since she's also under a growth spurt. In the Film cloak, her left lek can still stay inside the hood. I wonder if it's already growing too small for her. It's still the same model underneath, but Ahsoka's round baby montrals are gradually replaced by higher, pointed growth. Then comes the Onderon cloak. Her "cat ears" are huge in this look, compared to a similar style in 310 or 412. It was to the point while recreating it, I almost whispered, "faked". I don't mean to suggest "montral pads" a la shoulder pads, don't I? The hood is perhaps simply sewn in a M-shape stitch line, not unlike the Front-Back method. Then again, I'm very inspired to develop a whole timeline of togrutan beauty standards in hand with societal functions. (physical) anthropology man.

(concept art from 519 episode guide)

Cheats: Cutout and Wire

The fifth method is, montral holes. I'm sorry that sounds weird, but it's inevitable for any togrutas should they still want a hood coming of age. I must mention since a togruta's head is the widest part of their body, it's not easy to make clothes without a (center) opening. You can't even hide a side zipper like some gowns do. Something like a poncho (god forbid, t-shirt) could only fit through their heads if the collar is really wide, that in turn creates a dilemma of the garment falling off your shoulders. If not, think of a (shoulder) snap button like baby onesies in materials (like leather) where elastic isn't applicable. Perhaps this is the strange Watsonian motive to why Ahsoka's S3 outfit must have that area of a bare back.

Though I haven't formally try Green Cloak yet, I've been thinking it's an excellent specimen of ready-to-wear or perhaps fast fashion in Star Wars. It manages to cater to mass body types with a generic silhouette (or lack thereof). Ahsoka bartered it of a goat guy, who is an adult male, but is just bit taller than her. It looks very much like tweed but if I'm to argue it's cheapest of the cheapest, with that paint stroke style, I could say it's a digital print synthetic, serving no warmth but a mere fad to be forgotten next season. Alas, I am making this up as it is equally possible Goat Guy got it at Space Goodwill and it's actually a designer item from fifteen years ago or he just, cut the holes himself.

Here's a not-so-secret: Wire. Just a thin craft wire inserted into the channel of a proper, double-hemmed outfit to create the pose of your delight. Often we see Ahsoka's hood pulled very up front/down to the brow. Let me tell you gravity alone is not enough for the brim to stay in place, especially for this bell shape here. See that pinch around her cheek, wired to achieve this shape. So is this dramatic floating Anakin's vest, wired at the bottom hem to fake levitation so you don't have to bring out industrial fans for a photoshoot. (this will not turn into a detour of how inaccurate the HT cloak is)

Wow I've actually managed to make up five methods of the Togrutan hood, just two more to complete the bluff huh? To sum up the first section, in order to make a togrutan hood, please allow the pattern to be roughly twice at tall, accommodate the hind lek, wire the front brim for poses, and carefully choose whether to cut up montral holes or not.

Part 2: WHY

(from the Kiros post I always reference)

Yet, we haven't even begin to talk about the at least two, other montral types here. Butterfly is shortest but widest, heart is wider at the top as opposed to Ahsoka and Shaak Ti's classic arch. Let alone the male montrals that grow in all sorts of directions. All of which affect the location and area of montral holes hypothetical. I ask again, what could sizing be like in Star Wars? If I am to make an adult togrutan hood, I can't find it pretty to succumb to practicality of a central zipper. I wonder if it would be haute couture, avant-garde even, to incorporate the togrutan hood on space runway. However, it is fun to imagine if the hood is a particularly fashionable trend among teenagers since after all, they will soon be impossible to wear.

Now we have come to the curious dilemma of togrutas and hood. Apparently, it's impossible to fit a hood on adult togrutas. So, what's the point of it all? Do hats even hold value in togrutan society? The function a hat, is primarily sunshade. How then, does the multitude of togrutan skin colours correlates to a response to UV radiation? If it's to conceal one's identity, the montrals are a dead giveaway regardless of holes. But I digress.

Yes, hoods is part of Jedi Aesthetic™ so I'm concluding with my favourite part of Shaak Ti's robe - the capelet, doubled by an XL hood. It's adorable. The emulation of a shawl on her shoulders further adds to her celestial, hearth image. So glad am I does the Onderon Cloak has it. But it brings out the question of why is there a hood at all on her robe. From the top of my memory, I don't recall a lot of tall-headed species around the temple. If there's not an entire frustrated costume department, I insist there must be a poor Master of the Robes, whose Tuesday nights are spent trash-talking with the Temple Treasurer over a beer. Anyway, I do like the involvement of ordinary folks in the temple staff. At the rate Obi-wan's (and his Padawans') dramatic robe drops, I do hope Jedi robes are mass produced on a factory scale (my mind leaping to costumes already). And it is their hard work of coordination to make sure every humanoid, tall-headed, lekku, four-arm, furry Jedi got properly clothed.

As an extension of the topic, we've been talking about togrutan hood exclusively, what about headdresses? Specifically, what's the difference between a simple headband and a strapped one (i.e. walkabout arc)? What's the function of holding one's hind lek in place? Would one's head feel similar pull as in hair pulled into a bun or ponytail? Again, what period in togrutan history prefer short montral/lekku and enforce binding to an extreme? What about eras that praise long lekku? What about montral braces for the developmentally delayed? How does modern lekku accessories work? What do working class women wear if not the elaborate jewels? What about heirlooms of these valuables? How has the meaning of togrutan headresses change according to time? And of the surrounding etiquette? How much of one's social hierarchy is displayed in just the headband? Ritual ensemble like wedding and funeral to name the most mundane!

P.S. I realize this post is quite devoid of the actual steps (and maths! :) involved in tailoring a togrutan hood. I'm still practising and experimenting. If anyone's interested in an honest tutorial, wish me luck coming up with diagrams and materials ref.

#sw species #star wars #the clone wars #ahsoka tano #togruta #my sw meta #replies #long post #idk this isn't showing up in the tag and it's too long to censor keywords now #normally I'll wookiee what Goat Guy's species is but #the episode guide already listed him as 'drunk Gotal' so that's self-explanatory #also I don't know what a Goodwill is but quarantine has allowed me to watch more than a healthy dosage of thrifting videos #yuki continues to talk jack about areas she knows nothing about - the saga

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boxofbadaddiction · 4 years

Text

Just Call Me Cupid

Fred Weasley x Reader

George Weasley x Reader(Platonic)

This story is inspired from a request of my F.R.I.E.N.D.S Themed Prompt List:

Prompts: 15, 24 & 25

"Could you be anymore annoying?"/"Maybe I can make it up to you by...taking you roughly in the barn."/"[Y/N or Character] DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!"

Warnings: Swearing (always)

-Part One-

You know how the story goes. Three mischievous Gryffindors bonding over pranks and countless detentions. Becoming inseparable during their first year, and sticking together through thick and thin. That was the relationship between Y/n y/l/n and Fred and George Weasley. She fit into their lives perfectly. Her humour was exactly like theirs. She liked the same sports. Had the same classes. The same friends. Although one would wager that y/n held all the common sense of the three, always sure to rein the Twins in if they were edging too close to a line they shouldn't cross.

They used to joke she were the "Missing Triplet". Unknowingly separated from them at birth. They'd even gone as far one year to dye her hair fire orange, referring to her as Y/n Weasley for months.

With every passing holiday the Twins would bring y/n home with them. Her home life wasn't particularly grand, it was adequate in a way but had nothing on life at the Burrow. Molly welcomed her everytime with open arms. It wasn't uncommon for her to stay the entire holiday, start to finish, as she got along so well with the family, all of whom loved her like their own sister and, in Mr and Mrs Weasleys case, own daughter. So of course this Summer would be no different.

As the second week of their holiday came around; Fred, George, Ron, Ginny, Harry, Y/n and even Hermione found themselves left to their own accord for the day as Percy and Mr Weasley had work and Mrs Weasley had errands to run.

The group woke to a fully prepared breakfast waiting for them and a completely chore-free schedule, a rarity in this home.

"Morning all" y/n greeted cheerily as she entered the kitchen. "Someone's happy this morning" "I'm happy every morning, Georgie." She replied as she made her way around the table with a spring in her step. "Oo, toast!" She exclaimed reaching for a single piece balancing on the edge of Ronald's plate, which earned her a stern slap across the wrist from the boy. "Damn. Relax! It's not like I went for a piece of bacon..." "Careful, y/n/n" began Harry from beside her, "that's a sure fire way to lose a hand." He joked. "Oh, right! I'm so sorry I forgot!-"

"RONALD, DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!" everyone, aside from Ron, shouted amusedly before falling into loud laughter. This had been a long running joke amongst the friends and family after Ron had yelled the line at dinner one night years ago. Y/n had to grip the back of Rons chair to stop from falling as he scowled at the groups mockery. "Oh sod off. HEY!" Y/n stole a piece of bacon from Rons otherside while he had been distracted. "Payment for one viscous assault on your favourite sister." She goaded taking a bite from the crispy piece of meat. "You're not even related." "Not yet." Smiling across the table she shot George a wink. George grinned, tongue pressed to cheek as his brow raised amused by her insinuation, in response he pursed his lips blowing her a kiss.

Y/n finally made her way around the table to a vacant seat by Freds side, chuckling lightly at Rons uncomfortable expression.

"Wow y/n, can't believe you'd really settle for the less-attractive Twin." Fred feigned insult as George threw a piece of crust at him. "I didn't. Otherwise I would have chosen you, wouldn't I?" She smiled innocently.

Fred's jaw dropped open in shock at her words. Though he fought hard to contain the smile and laugh forming on his lips, Fred was unsuccessful, cheeks grinning as a chuckle made it's way from his throat.

"WOW!" he placed a hand to his chest, "wound me why don't you?" He looked back to his gathered friends and family, all of whom were laughing at his dramatic reaction. "That's my girl", George spoke fondly, leaning back in his chair, hand hung behind Fred to y/n as they low-fived.

"Some 'best friend' you are." Fred continued, "and GINNY! I can't believe you would laugh at such a heinous lie! I thought we were closer than that!" Ginnys face were so red it near rivalled her hair at this point. Fred turned his attention back to y/n to find her face a similar shade, light joyful tears brimming in her eyes. He stuck his bottom lip out in a fake pout. "Awwe...Freddie..." she tried to speak, "come on, you know you're my favourite" she leant into his side - hugging his arm - placing a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"OI!" her 'future husband' protested, "I'm right here!" "Sorry Georgie, gotta keep my options open. You know how it is."

The remainder of the meal was spent discussing how to fill in their first day home alone for the holidays. Everyone was excited at the prospect of a potential Quidditch match, except Hermione - the only one who doesn't play the sport, and the sloppy ground outside from the past days rain didn't appear very inviting in her opinion. Their plan was thwarted regardless as Ginny reminded the Boys of their current grounding.

Fred, Ron and George had all been forbidden access to their brooms and Quidditch equipment for two weeks, after accidentally breaking a kitchen window with a bludger - released too soon near the house. In the end everyone simply parted into their own groups.

Ginny and Hermione disappeared to her room, Ron and Harry to his, while the remaining three spent the day outside.

Fred, George and y/n were partaking in some 'friendly' bits of competition to occupy their time. It started innocently enough; "let's see who can throw a Garden Gnome the farthest". But naturally, as all three individuals were highly competitive, it escalated. It was all out War by the afternoon.

Basically, they were now running around, breathless and sweaty, chucking mud cakes in their "opponents" direction. A total free for all.

As a cramp set in y/ns ribs she sought shelter behind a shrub by side of the Burrow, trying desperately to spot either Twin and failing. She was thankful however for the opportunity to catch her breath. That was untill...

"Tired are we?" Startled by the sudden voice y/n jumped eye's locking with those of George who stood far too confidently before her, hands tucked behind his back, as he smirked. Y/ns eyes widened, this couldn't be good. Her eyes quickly scanned the surrounding area. No sign of Fred. That definitely isn't good. She began stepping away slowly from the redhead infront of her who cocked his head at her movements slowly following. Smile only growing as he lowered an arm revealing a metal pail filled with sludge.

"Oh God. George, please no!" Her arms came out in defence, "I'm begging you...Georgie, please don't!" Though worried and pleading she couldn't help the nervous smile and giggle that came to the surface. Eyes staring into his "I'll do anything! Mate, please just...put. down. The bucket."

George let out a long sigh, contemplating, as he swung the pail loosely in his hand staring to it's contents. With a dramatic roll of his head and a groan he dropped the bucket by his feet. "Oh thank you! Thank you thank you thank you!" Y/n repeated, relieved. "Had you done that I'd never get my chance..." Georges brows furrowed, "chance for what?" "THIS!" Y/n scooped up a large mud patty from her feet, hurtling it directly across the side of his face, laughing maniacally. Though as George slowly scooped away the gathered muck on his eye, flicking it off his fingers, she couldn't help but feel bad. A little anyway. Offering a half-hearted apology as he wiped away the dirt by his mouth.

"Oh you're sorry, are you?" He began advancing on her again, "to think I took it easy on you, my 'loving' wife-to-be." He added sarcastically. Y/n gulped as she noticed the new found determination held in his gaze. Laughter turning nervous as she backed away. "I'm sorry. Maybe I can make it up to you by...taking you roughly in the barn?" "Mmm tempting. But I have a better idea" he smirked wickedly. Y/ns face dropped as she made to run, but she wasn't fast enough, George wrapped his arms around her body holding her tight in place. "Not so fast, love." He lifted her from her feet walking blindly back towards the house. "No! Please no!" She whined through giggles, "Geoooorge" "It's not me you should be worried about, sweetheart." He whispered to her ear. Huh?

"Oooooh FREDDIE!" he called over his shoulder. FUCK! Where was Fred!?

George turned sharply on the spot and y/n suddenly found herself face to face with one Fred Weasley, complete with bucket. Only this one wasn't the same from earlier, it was bigger. And filled with...what was that? Oh god. Ice.

"Woah y/n/n, you look really flustered. Reckon you might need to cool off." He grinned. "Freddie, I was thinking exactly the same thing." Georges grip on y/n tightened as she began to squirm furiously. Pleading them not to. Fred raised the bucket in his arms as she slipped to the ground, George pinning her down and tugging back the side of her shirts collar.

Fred leaped into action, pouring the buckets contents over her exposed shoulder so the ice would fall down her back as well as down her chest. Y/n squealed at the brisk temperature change. Breath hitching and shuddering in response. The boys jumped back as she scrambled to her feet, shaking the material of her shirt to lose the ice still clinging beneath it. Various curses and insults being shot to the twins whilst doing so.

"Prats." She shivered, "the both of you. Prats." All three couldn't contain their laughter at this. George excused himself for a moment to rid his eye of a few pesky grains of dirt under his eyelid.

He dunked his head under the tap of the kitchen sink in order to rinse his eye, and face while he was at it, clean before filling himself a glass of water having become quite hot from all the running he'd done this afternoon. A sudden yell pulled his attention out the window.

Chuckling as he watched Fred frantically running from y/n who held the bucket of mud George had threatened her with earlier.

Fred was running backwards with his arms raised trying desperately to bargain his way out of his punishment. George could only just make out the conversation carrying on in the moment.

"Come on, said I was sorry didn't I?" "Why don't you put the bucket down and I'll run you a bath" "I have a stash of chocolate frogs upstairs you can help yourself to!" George was amused by that line in particular as he knew for certain that stash was well and truly gone, days ago, as he and y/n had helped themselves to it whilst he showered.

Fred were a fairly safe distance away as he out manoeuvred his friend easily with such long legs and lack of bucket. He probably could have kept up their little dance for some time, enough for her to admit defeat, if he had not tripped back over his own feet. George snorted at the sight, water nearly shooting from his nose, as his brother fell flat on his back. Y/n seized her moment. Standing above him with bucket raised smiling.

Many 'please's, and 'y/n's and of course countless 'no's falling from Fred mouth, all in vain as the bucket tipped above him. Contents hitting directly to his chest and covering him in filth. George really wished he had a camera right about now.

"What are you laughing at?" Ginny had appeared, grabbing a glass of water for herself. "Y/n getting revenge." "Why aren't you out there?" "To avoid exactly that happening to me." The two watched as Fred stood, wrapping himself around y/n to smear mud over her body as well, swaying them side-to-side dramatically as he did so. Muffled shrieks came from her mouth which was pressed tight against his chest.

"Mum's going to have a field day with you three." Ginny commented, placing down her cup as she ascended the staircase. George inhaled sharply as his jaw clenched at the thought. His eyes scanned the yard...they had made quite the mess. He wondered if they'd ever be allowed to play Quidditch again. Or even be allowed out of the house for that matter. His thoughts were cut short as his attention fell back to his brother and best friend.

They'd stopped rough-housing. Y/n pushing back from him with a huff. She stood before him with a pout, covered completely in muck. Fred was laughing haughtily at the sight as he took a step forward, sweeping a dirty piece of hair behind her ear. His fingers delicately traced her cheek bone and down toward her lips which had parted slightly as she stared at him. His head was hung towards her as he gazed back, hand now resting just below her jaw. Both slowly leaning closer...

The moment was over as quickly as it'd began, by Fred clearing his throat and dropping his arm, both hands finding his pockets and standing back a pace. He had said something about needing a shower to which y/n laughed awkwardly, avoiding any further eye contact.

"Ho-ly FUCK!" George exclaimed to himself as realisation hit him like a bag of bricks. "They fancy one another" his eyes were wide. How hadn't he noticed before?

The way their eyes seemed to linger on one anothers a tad longer than two friends would. The shameless flirting. The "innocent" light touches. How Fred always had his arm over her shoulder if he could. The quick kisses to their cheeks. The blushing. The way Fred tensed, white knuckled, when boys were 'too friendly' with y/n. The way y/ns teeth would grind as girls would fall over Fred. It all seemed so obvious now.

Without a second moments thought George bolted up the stairs.

Hermione and Ginny sat cross-legged on her bed, chatting casually about the upcoming school year and what excitement it may hold, when the bedroom door violently swung open. Slamming into the wall, one hot, sweaty and very much out of breath George clung to its handle.

The girls stared wide-eyed at the sight. "...yes?" Ginny asked curiously. Her brother was a sputtering mess, attempting to speak through deep burning breaths. "F-Fre-and y/...Fred and y/n!" He gasped, arms waved and flailing dramatically trying to make them understand him in his frantic state. "They-they're...they fancy one another!" He finally exclaimed before clutching his side painfully, "Oh, cramp".

Ginny and Hermione looked at one another with identical blank stares before shrugging simply, "We know" they spoke. "You KNOW!?" "It's pretty obvious." Said Hermione. A deep, frustrated, sigh left Georges throat, his head rolled and he flopped heavily into the small space between both girls, the action causing them to bounce.

"Could you be anymore annoying?" Ginny groaned but George ignored her, "This is unbelievable." "Is it though?" His sister questioned. "They're always all over one another. Always staring when they think the other's not looking." "Not to mention they're perfect for one another." Hermione giggled " "He stops her from stressing too much over school work, keeps her out of her shell when she's struggling. And she very well may be the only person on the planet capable of settling him down when he gets worked up."

"Do you think they know?" George asked, eyes fixed to the ceiling. "Not a chance" "Absolutely not." The girls answered. "Look how long it took you to realise, and you're their best friend." Added Hermione causing Georges brows to furrow. She had a point. They'd spent nearly every day together since they met in their first year. Practically attached at the hip and yet it only clicked now.

He couldn't quite wrap his head around how he was feeling at the moment as too many thoughts flooded his mind.

Was he worried? Excited? What if they dated? Would they hang out with him less, as a result? Would it work out? What if they broke up!?

"My best friend and my brother..." he wondered aloud, tone sceptical. The girls remained silent as George thought, chewing his cheek. The atmosphere was tense as they worried over his reaction. That was until a wide smile crept its way across his face. "My best friend and my brother." He spoke louder, more assured, with a curt approving nod. "I'm gonna make it happen." He stated matter-of-factly as he lifted himself from the bed, making his way to the door.

"And how, pray tell, are you going to manage that?" "Easily, my dear sister." George looked over his shoulder as he grabbed the doors handle, "Just call me Cupid." He winked, quickly shutting the door as he left with a smirk.

#hp imagine #hp fan blog #hp fanfic #hp fanfiction #fred weasley x reader #George weasley x reader #fred weasley #George weasley #prompt fic #fred weasley imagine

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homeformyheart · 3 years

Note

For F: “That position looks impossible enough, let’s try it.”

thank you V for the prompt!! this definitely got away from me, but I hope it works!

author’s note: thank you for the request, @hunnybadgerv. i hope this does your prompt justice and sorry for the length, all the intimacy feels got away from me (and i have to give a lot of inspiration credit to @gavcowles). this is very soft, the smut really plays a secondary role to the intimacy and respect for the boundaries of an aspec partner. *just fyi: my enby detective harley uses she/they pronouns and is aspec. hope you all enjoy!

copyright: all characters, except the oc detective, are owned by mishka jenkins @seraphinitegames. series/pairing: the wayhaven chronicles – felix hauville x nb!detective (harley bishop) rating/warnings: 18+; ns*w smut noted between the 🔥⚡ and ❄💧 icons (minors dni) based on/prompt: nsfw dialogue prompts // 73. “That position looks impossible enough, let’s try it.” (in bold) word count: 1.7k summary: felix learns harley’s boundaries and encourages them to be intimate on their terms.

on their terms

felix balances a pile of thick, heavy books on one arm while reaching up toward a shelf above his head. he realizes he underestimated the ladder rung that would get him the closest and it’s too late now to change course, given how he’s already balancing on one leg, the other extended behind him.

he very much looks like a ballerina-in-training.

in his haste, he accidentally grabs a few thin volumes stacked closely next to each other and leaps down to the ground. he glances at the one on top, the smallest of the bunch by far, and his eyebrows rise in surprise and curiosity.

he drops the rest of the books so he can flip through his new discovery, wincing at the sound of heavy texts crashing to the floor in a heap. he knows he’ll get an earful from nat for leaving them there, but he’s too excited and runs off to harley’s room.

they’re reading through some reports when he bursts in and climbs into the bed to sit next to them.

“look what i found in the library! nat’s been holding out on us,” felix grins, showing them the cover. “i am definitely not letting her live this down.”

harley raises an eyebrow in surprise at the title: sex positions through the ages.

“why are you assuming it’s nat’s?” they ask curiously, putting aside the reports and curling into his side as he wraps an arm around them.

this is one of his favorite (although everything about harley is his favorite) things to do with hayley – hold them and be held by them with the feeling of complete and utter belonging blanketing them both.

he flips through the pages quickly, taking in all the various illustrations the book offers. harley hums in agreement every few poses, until felix comes across one that makes him pause.

“that position looks impossible enough, let’s try it,” he suggests, moving the book over so harley can get a better look.

the position in question requires quite a bit of maneuvering, flexibility, and strength – none of which are “impossible” for him per se. but it’s still one that he hasn’t ever tried before, and felix is usually up for trying anything at least once.

he draws circles above harley’s hip, slipping his hand underneath their shirt carefully, watching their reaction out of the corner of his eye. they’ve been together long enough that he’s learned to read the subtle tells of their moods most of the time, but he still tries to encourage them to speak up more often.

harley remains still but he can feel their heartbeat against his ribcage. their hand hasn’t moved from its spot on his chest. he removes his hand from under their shirt and pulls it gently back down to cover their exposed skin.

if anything happens tonight, it has to be on their terms. even if harley hasn’t quite articulated their terms exactly – and he wishes they would soon so he could always know what lines must never be crossed – he’s still getting a feel for their boundaries.

his intuition hasn’t let him down yet.

he closes the book and leans down to kiss their hair softly, gently tucking his arm under their knees to pull them into his lap.

“thank you,” they murmur against his neck.

“of course, babe. i hope you never feel like you have to pretend with me,” felix responds as they pull back to look at him. “whatever we do, i always want it to be on your terms, okay?”

and he’s pretty sure the smile they give him could sustain him for the rest of his life.

“shower with me?” they ask suddenly and before he can respond, they’re pulling him out of bed and toward the bathroom.

their back is to him as they undress and step into the shower, adjusting the settings to the lukewarm temperature they know is at the upper limit of his tolerance and he follows suit, an ear-to-ear grin on his face at the sheer happiness filling his chest at the sight of them – comfortable and allowing him to see them this way.

the water gently flows over their bodies while they reach for the soap and he adjusts the showerhead pressure, grinding his teeth slightly at how extreme the adjustment feels until he gets used to it, standing behind harley with his hand on their hips and space between them as they finish washing their body.

his gaze moves up as they reach for their shampoo and he places his hand on theirs.

“let me,” felix murmurs quietly, grabbing the bottle and squeezing out a palm-sized amount onto his hand.

he knows, through observation but also trial-and-error, how much shampoo and conditioner to use for harley’s long, color-treated hair. and there’s something about how they let him gently massage their scalp (especially after the first few times when he was too eager and rough) and weave the products slowly down the length of their locks that makes his heart soar.

the bright blue color dulls a bit under the weight of the water and conditioner, but that’s how he knows he’s used enough. that, plus the quiet sighs of contentment leaving harley’s mouth sending a warmth blooming across his chest.

he shifts so that the stream of water hits their head directly, continuing his gentle massages as he rinses the products out of their hair. he carefully weaves his fingers through their tresses, untangling any knots that he can find as best he can without pulling at the roots – and he can tell, because their head jerks a centimeter back whenever that happens.

after a few minutes, the water runs clear down their back and he gently wrings their hair out, placing it over their shoulder. he reaches for the loofah before hayley stops him and turns to face him.

🔥⚡ 🔥⚡

they pull him forward a step so the water hits his back before placing their hands on his hips, tiptoeing up to kiss him softly before kissing down his jaw and neck. their hands mirror the movement, inching down his thighs as their lips reach his collarbone. he sucks in a breath at their hands moving to the inside of his thighs, trailing their fingers upward as their lips continue their journey down his chest.

felix shudders, and it’s not from the hammering pain of the water pressure on his sensitive skin.

no, that’s faded to a numb rhythm in the background as harley takes him in hand and begins to stroke him slowly.

his cock stiffens under their touch and he makes an effort to open his eyes and look at them, mouth parted and ready to make sure they know he’s not expecting or needing them to do anything and they—

“i love how responsive you are to me. i love knowing that i do this to you,” they murmur against his stomach, lips fluttering against the hair they find there and leaving goosebumps in their wake.

their eyes are teasing and serious at the same time and he wants to—oh, his brain stops processing for a moment as their strokes quicken, hands alternating and squeezing with just the right amount of pressure. they continue kissing down his happy path but he stops them with a gentle stroke of their jaw with his thumb.

they look up at him questioningly and he returns with a suggestive smirk of his own, reaching up to grab the curtain rod and lifting himself up so his hips are at their shoulder-level (he is very thankful that the agency installed reinforced rods directly into the walls as a precaution against the “activities” that some of the team is known for getting into).

the look in their eyes shift from confusion to adoration to gratitude to eagerness and oh, what he wouldn’t do to capture those expressions forever.

“this way, you’re not on your knees,” he says softly, his breath ending in a moan as they move his legs to rest over their shoulders and wrap their lips around his cock.

that feeling alone makes him want to explode right then and there—

but he holds on, because it’s harley and them together.

he vaguely senses that his body is shivering despite the warm steam from the shower but he is too preoccupied with how hayley is moving their head up and down his cock, the position allowing their hands to freely play with his balls. he tightens his grip on the curtain rod, reminding himself the last thing he wants is to fall on top of hayley.

felix glances down and they’re gazing right back at him, as though he’s been spilling all of his inner thoughts out loud, and maybe he is – he’s not sure and can’t be bothered to recall in the moment. not with them hollowing out their cheeks and taking him deeper into the back of their throat, pushing him all the way to the edge until he can’t hold back anymore.

and then he lets go, making an effort to move away but they hold him tightly against their mouth, swallowing eagerly without breaking eye contact. and for him, knowing hayley is giving as much as they are willing to give and on their own terms—

it’s everything.

“geez, harley,” he breathes out their name, a deep, throaty groan that synchronizes with their final swallow as they move off him and gently bring his legs back to the floor. he holds their face in his hands and kisses them deeply, the smile on both their faces making it so their lips don’t quite fit.

❄💧 ❄💧

felix steps out and reaches for a towel, holding it wide open as he turns back to them. they tilt their head at him curiously.

“your turn,” he says warmly, eyes soft and heart full.

harley steps out of the shower and into the towel he wraps carefully around them, their eyes never leaving his face.

“i love you,” they whisper as felix carefully dries every part of their body before handing them the robe hanging on the back of the door.

harley slips the robe on while felix wraps their hair up with a smaller towel.

“i love you more,” he replies, kissing their cheek and leading them back into the bedroom so they can cuddle.

* * * * * taglist: @kelseaaa; @kat-tia801; @anotherbeingsworld; @crackerdumortain; @gloynporslen; @writer-ish; @sosolenoo; @alyssalauren; @ambrosykim; @wayhavenots; @gingerbreton; @takemyopenheart;

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dhampirslays · 3 years

Note

✂ - a vivid memory

" This is shit. "

My gaze rose to meet Hope's as she pushed her bedding off her legs and marched towards where I sat, legs folded one under the other and leaning back against the old wallpaper. For a moment, she stood tall before me, curiously observing the plate I had been trying to paint for the past few hours before taking it in her hands and carefully dumping it over by the window's wardrobe alongside the rest of my creations. With the curtains drawn closed, the area was illuminated by the dim light of our lamp posts, standing tall by the side of our beds, and what faint rays of moonlight managed to peek past the curtain's heavy material ― even so, Hope's face was cast with shadows, making it incredibly hard to read.

" Hey, I was working on that ! "

She didn't answer. Instead, she squinted her eyes on the plate, studying it. " Isn't that the Council's gift to the school ? And wasn't it hanging on the wall by the main entrance ? "

I grunted my reply, setting the brush and the colouring palette down. " They send one of those every year. I highly doubt they'll even notice one's missing. "

" There's like, a dozen of them here. "

" Exactly my point. "

Snorting a chuckle, Hope pushed the brush and the palette side, making room for herself to sit before leaning back and bringing her head to rest over my lap. A grin crossed her face as she grabbed a hold of the paintbrush, slapped it over to the side of my face before I even had time to turn away, let alone shelter myself. Casting her a pointing glare, I turned my head towards the mirror where my eyes widened double their size at the red line starting above my bow and descending in waves down to my cheek. My lips parted, ready to voice my protest when Hope rose her hand still holding the brush ― I watched it closely, ready to dodge if she felt like splashing colour to my face again, but instead, she tossed it away and I was simply left to stare at how the brush rolled upon the old, wooden floor until it bumped to the side of the carpet.

Blinking my confusion, I looked down at her. " What the hell was that for ? "

" If I'm going to die I ain't leaving them with a clean floor. They can clean it themselves. " She huffed, crossing one leg over her knee. " Aren't you nervous about tomorrow ? "

So that's what it was all about; the Tento di Cruciamentum, or, as us normal people who thought that Latin was a waste of time to learn liked to call it, cruelty test. At least that was its direct translation ― the Watchers always referred to it as the Test, possibly recognising that telling a bunch of teenagers that they were going to be cruelty tasted wasn't the best idea, especially since said teenagers had the power to burn the entire school to the ground. Personally, I always thought that cruelty was the wrong noun to describe it ― death, was a better fit for it, more so since it wasn't exactly guaranteed that if a slayer went in, she came out; in one peace, that was.

The process had changed ever since Buffy threw a fit about it when she had first undergone it, but the key points remained the same; upon maturity, the slayer was injected with a mix of muscle relaxants and adrenaline suppressors. When the drug kicked in and she was rented powerless, she'd be sent in to fight a demon ― and although the manual didn't exactly specify which type of demon it was, more often than not, it was vampires as they were considerably easier to subdue. The Watchers always bragged that it was more for the experience than anything else, claiming that whilst they were trained to fight, this was meant to establish intelligence; practical thinking. It was also meant to be a controlled environment but accidents had happened before. Or such they were listed as, anyway. The truth was that as long as a vampire was set loose, no one was really safe ― and a powerless slayer detained in a closed space with it was basically a snack with a bow.

I never thought it was about the experience though. They could have easily taken us out in the field to get that done. Rather, it was about control; seeing if, aside from the physical factor, we were in the right headspace, still capable to get the job done once we were past that age peak. It was like Hollywood but. . . deadlier.

And the changes the test had suffered ? We now got a one-week notice paper and an instructions manual. Some would like to argue that training Watchers didn't have a different fate since they had to undergo a test of their own, but at least theirs targeted their mentality. No one would come to rip them to shreds.

Alas, I nodded. " A little. Worrying about it won't change anything. " In fact, that was the reason why I had started painting that plate. To get my mind off the fact that in less than twelve hours, I'd either be alive and graduating or having a very heated conversation with Saint Peter.

" So you don't mind that they'll barge in, in the middle of the night, while we're asleep and inject us with God knows what ? "

I had to admit the thought was pretty unsettling. We knew what the syringe contained but, at the same time, did we, really ? I grabbed a wet tissue as I started to rub it all over my face, trying to get the paint off my skin. " They don't have a reason to further hurt us. They need us for the, you know, slaying thing. "

" No, they needed us. Past tense. Now there are too many of us and it's easier to pick and choose who you want. "

I didn't want to admit that Hope was right but. . . she was making some strong points there. Although the old council was thoroughly replaced, they were quite known for going to extreme lengths when it came to disobeying slayers, evident with what had went down with Faith Lehane. And back then, there were just two slayers, not an entire race of them. Admittedly, it'd make no difference now if one girl were to die while taking the Tento di Cruciamentum. The world had survived with fewer before.

Shifting beneath her, I moved across my bed before laying down, face-first into my pillow. This was all too much to think of in one night; I was tired and suddenly unsure of tomorrow. " I guess, " I returned, turning my head to look at her. " Will you stay here ? " It wouldn't make any difference if she slept in my bed or hers, given the distance between them was already short, to begin with. But, it would make me feel a little better knowing that she was there.

Hope stared at me for a good second before nodding her head and squeezing her way on the bed to lay beside me. Using one of the extra pillows for support, she then turned her back on me, as if preparing for look guard.

" G'night. " She sang. " Don't let the vampires bite. "

I felt like someone had run me over with a track, stitched me back together and then ran me over again. And had then dumped me on the floor.

With a groan, I rolled into my back before sitting up on the hardwood floor that creaked beneath me. Pressing a hand at the back of my neck where I still felt the biting of the needle, I looked around me in question.

The room didn't have much furniture in it; aside from the old fireplace that stood in the very back, there were two stray and broken into couches, a coffee table, and a longer, higher table a few feet from where I was standing ― other than that, the room was naked and judging by the cobwebs and amount of dust on the legs of the two tables, I could only assume this place wasn't used much. My head snapped back at the couches, where I squinted.

There were two couches in this room, and I had been left on the floor like a pile of dirty laundry. Worse even; at least the dirty laundry belonged in a hamper.

" Assholes, " I muttered under my breath as I slowly rose to my feet. They felt like they were made out of jello, and when they swayed off balance, I had to catch hold of the table before I found myself on the floor again. My body cried out for the strength it was missing, for the strength that had been taken away from it, and such was evident on my every waving step, slightly missing, slightly out of balance. I knew this was only temporary, that the power taken from me would be returned in a couple of days when the drugs wore off ― but for that to happen, I had to survive until then.

When I got the hang of human walk, navigating my way around the estate wasn't so bad. Turning left from the room I was previously in, I walked up to the door and gave its knob a hard pull; locked, and it wouldn't even budge. I tried again, praying to whatever mystical force or God there was out there to give me back my power so I can kill the demon and be done with it ― but, alas, the door stayed put ( if not slightly shake at its edges ). Sighing in defeat, I moved towards the door's little window to the right, hoping to at least get a sense of where I was, or, if that was too much to ask for, perhaps the time. Using my sleeve to rub upon the dusty glass surface, I grimaced in disgust at the dirt that was now plaguing my pajama sleeve before pushing my face against the glass, glaring outside. The other side was still smudged, still blurry but I could at least see the rays of sun peeking past the dirt. It was day alright, which meant that for the next few hours, I had the greater advantage.

Now, all I had to do was locate the demon.

Grabbing myself an iron weapon from the fireplace, I took the stairs to the upper floor. With the iron shovel in hand, I traveled from room to room, searching for my opponent. And yet, every room I checked was void of life ― or, non-life in this case. I came to a stop in the very last room, glancing around me puzzled, still in hand. There was no demon or anyone in general in that house. Did they forget to unleash it ? Or maybe the test on itself had changed and they had instead been monitoring my way of thinking ? They did say it required intelligence.

First, I heard its growl, and then, I got smacked across the floor. Crashing on the wall behind me, the impact had me seeing stars and flashing colours. My back, on the other hand, sent paralysing jolts of pains all the way up to my skull which, in their own turn, took a hot second to recover from. And when my vision returned to normal, I saw it ― him, whatever the vampire was anyway. One second he was in the middle of the room and then he was kneeling before me, black eyes eagerly taking me in curiously, hungrily, as if I was a sandwich in a glass case. And then he leaned down and patted my hair down like he was trying to fix what the impact had done to them.

I wasn't really sure I was breathing during that time. All I knew was that my heart was beating loudly in my chest and I could feel it all throughout my body.

Grabbing a hold of my shoulder, he pulled me up to my feet, and now I had the chance to study him as well. With matted dark hair, his dark clothes contrasted against his pale complexion, the dried bloodstains on his shirt indicating that he had been in there a while. And then, his face turned wrinkly, his forehead bumping out as his eyes turned a bright yellow shade and his fangs making an appearance. Swallowing past the deja-vus and the paralyzing fear it brought along, offered me a toothy smile before craning my head to the side, to expose my neck and very little bits of my shoulder as his tongue ran across his fangs. If I didn't feel like lunch before, I certainly did now.

" I look forward to this time of the year, " He sighed in content, voice slightly muffled by his fangs. " You'll have to excuse me if I skip the introduction. I'm so hungry and you look very delicious. "

My fingers tightened in a fist, brushing slightly against the wall and the curtain from aside; a longshot of a plan, but it was all I got ― and when his fangs were almost a breath away from my neck, I pulled on the curtains as hard as I possibly could. The rusty hinges gave in, the curtains fell onto the floor, and light, beautiful, sweet, light painted the room an orange-golden shade. The vampire screeched in pain and brought his hands up to shelter his face that was soon starting to smoke as he stumbled away, attempting to regain composure at the shadowy corner of the room. Taking advantage of the opportunity, I grabbed the shovel and bolted out of the room, despite the fact that my back was now painfully aching due to the prior collision.

I had some time on my side; judging by the sun's colours, it would take approximately twenty minutes until the sun would start to set ― twenty minutes that the vampire would spend trapped in that room ― twenty minutes to come up with a plan or I wouldn't live to see the next sunrise.

Panicked, I entered the first room I saw and locked the door behind me. Dropping the pliers to the ground, I anxiously paced up and down, as I ran my shaking hands through my auburn strands. Plan, plan, plan, I needed a plan. But nothing would come to my mind, and the room started to close in and spin around me and ―

Startled, I jumped up when someone started banging the wall to my left. Holding the shovel close to my chest, as if it was my very own bodyguard, I hesitantly marched up to the wall. Given how every single trust of the person behind it would echo into this room, this wall was fake; holding a wooden entrance door at the very middle, I tried its handle, slowly twisting it to check whether it was unlocked but at the same time trying not to alert the person banging behind it. The knob didn't nudge ― the door was locked.

" For fuck's sake, let me out, I'm hungry ! "

My eyes almost popped out of their sockets at the sound of the familiar voice. Scooting closer to the wall, I gave my hardest hit which, in this state, still wasn't enough to make a single crack. " Hope ? "

There was a pause. " Jo ? What's happening over there what are you doing ? "

" I'm having a vampire on my tail. " I explained the very obvious. " And I have approximately ten minutes before he eats me. "

" Shit, " She cursed. Then, another pause. " Is the door locked ? Can I come through ? "

" It's locked. " I sighed, staring up the wall in an attempt to come up with something, anything to join the rooms. Glancing down at the shovel, and then back at the wall, I frowned before I started to hit its door edge with it, watching as the surface dented in every hit I landed on it. " Hold up. " I called out before fully shoving the shovel inside the crack. Before today, all it would have taken for me to break through would have been a punch; and now, I had to dig through an entire wall just to get a small opening done. It was pathetic but alas, I put my whole body weight against the tip of the shovel, trying to force it to break through ― and it did; but it also took an entire chank of the wall with it.

Grabbing through the now enormous crack on the wall for support, I watched as Hope poked her head through it, glanced around the room, and then pulled back. A mere second had passed before I now saw two legs poking through, pushing and squirming around the crack in an attempt to wiggle their way into the room. It couldn't have taken more than a minute until she was fully in my side of the room, panting and undusting herself as she straightened her back.

I had the overwhelming urge to hug her, and cry, and hug her some more but the clock was ticking and we had now five whole minutes to figure out how to dust the vampire in the next room before the sun went down. With Hope here, my mind was more at ease; more capable of filtering through idea after idea before they all came crashing together to form a hint of a plan. I glanced back at the shovel, now cracked at the edges into a slightly sharpened tooth before I grabbed both it and Hope, dragging her downstairs. As soon as we were in the room I had first started in, I grabbed a hold of the ashy log, still inside the fireplace, and shoved it into the floor.

" What the fuck are you doing ? "

" Sharpening the log into a stake, " I curtly answered as I thrust the log into the floor, time after time until the burnt parts of it had given in to good, old wood. Exactly what we needed.

" How ? " She pressed, kneeling down next to the log, her interest peaked.

" With this, " I said, pushing the broken shovel forward. " We don't need it to be perfect, just pointy. Get to sharpening. "

By the time we had finished digging and sharpening, my nails and hands hurt. I was pretty sure some splinters had poked their way into my fingers, but alas, we had created a pretty solid stake. With a good hit, it could puncture the vampire's heart; it had the potential for it. After that, Hope left to hide with the stake and I, went upstairs to be the personal bait; to lure him downstairs so that she could deliver the final blow.

I didn't wander around for long before the vampire took a couple shaking steps out of the room, flashing me with a wicked smile. Even from a good distance away, I could smell the burnt skin, I could see the burning marks across his face and his hands. Facing the sun as he was, it was a wonder that he hadn't caught on fire on the spot.

" That wasn't very nice, little red. " He cooed, taking several steps towards me. For each step he took forward, I took one back until my hand rested upon the staircase's banister. His smile widened in the idea of a chase, of the thrill of having to chase your food before you ate it.

I set off in a run and the vampire followed closely behind me. Whereas my back ached, pulled with every step I took, the vampire only grew stronger, gaining more and more ground by the second. Finally, we made our descent in the staircase; I ran down as fast as my legs could possibly carry me, even skipped some stairs in hopes that it'd give me a small leverage but alas, just before the heel of my foot managed to hit the last step, something pushed my body forward and I landed with a grunt on the very bottom of the stairs.

I barely had time to roll upon my back as the vampire hovered over me, clasped his than around my throat, and squeezed until I was left gasping for a mere breath. Content with his victory, he loosened up his grip before, for yet again, growing his fangs but this time, wasting no time as he leaned down to bite upon my neck. I closed my eyes shut, body stiffening and ready to take the blow ― yet, the bite never came.

Opening my eyes, I turned my head to look at the man before me, frozen in place and with eyes double their size as he stared down at me. I moved my gaze to his chest, where the handmade stake was now coming through ― and not long after, I witnessed the vampire's body crumple and fall, its flash and bones turning into dust and dissolving over me.

Coughing the dust away from my face, I grabbed the hand Hope had extended for me to take and helped myself to my feet. My chest burnt as the oxygen flew back to my lugs.

" So that's done, " said Hope, shifting beside me. " How do we get out now ? "

" Grab the shovel and break through the window ? " I returned, brows arching. Following her shrug, I grabbed a hold of the shovel and walked up to the window, raising its tip to collide with the glass surface, but before I brought it down, the door to my left opened wide and a suited man walked in, fixing the collar of his jacket.

" No, no, that won't be necessary, please. Do not wreck the house more than you already have. " He scolded as if I was a toddler about to ruin my mother's finest vase. Extending his arm towards Hope and I, he added, " Poe Fillcraft, Council member. "

I didn't bother shaking his hand; neither did Hope. Instead, we just stared at him, the shovel still raised in my hands as if debating whether to start hitting him, or the window. I was still pondering my decision. Seeing that he wouldn't get a handshake anytime soon, he lowered his hand and cleared his throat.

" Having witnessed your examination thoroughly, I'm not sure how we feel about two slayers sharing one demon. It's possible that you'll have to reta― "

" Wait, " I cut in, brows furrowing into a deep frown. " You saw that ? "

" And you did fuck all to prevent us from dying ?! "

" Twice, " I pressed in, eyes narrowing. Would smacking a Council member with a shovel count as a serious offense ?

" Language, " He chastised Hope before sighing. " It was a monitored examination, we aren't allowed to offer help of any kind. " Hope scoffed in response and Poe's eyes narrowed at her frame before he continued; " I'm afraid you'll have to repeat the test. Separately. "

" That won't be necessary. " Mrs. Lovegood stepped in, offering both of us reassuring smiles. I waited, shovel still in hand until my hands started to grow sore. " The test is complete and the goal has been achieved. And besides, fixing and setting up the house would take a good couple of weeks, not to mention the test preparation and the syringe, and ― "

" Okay, fine. " Poe sighed, stepping out of the doorway. " You're free to leave. Don't forget to stop by the administration office to get your papers. "

Hope and I stepped out of the house. We walked down the stairs, and into the pathway to get back to the school but I stopped dead in my tracks. Instead, I turned around, lifted the shovel, and threw it across the window, watching as it broke the glass and tackled the curtain into the ground. Poe parted his lips, about to scold me for my outburst but Mrs. Lovegood shushed him by placing a hand upon his shoulder. Glaring at both of them, I turned on my heel, ready to follow Hope.

" Oh, and Joyce ? "

" What ? "

" I'd love to see those plates of yours. "

#( ❛ to feel alive: not just the carcass but the sparkle ❜ ― answered asks )#( ❛ tell me where to put the anger ❜ ― solos )#kennedybtvs #can you tell my braincells almost died during the end lmao

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balledjely · 4 years

Text

The Weight of the World

Part 1 - Pussycats!

A bakugou x reader fic where you’re an apprentice of Ragdoll, from the famous Wild, Wild Pussycats

With sparkling eyes, we rock on!

We’ve come to lend a helping paw,

Whenever, wherever, we’ll arrive!

Cute, cat, and stinger!

The wild, wild pussy cats!

You watched the Pussycats as they assembled into their strange, theatrical poses. Even though you’ve seen this time and time again, you can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it. Although, this time you tried your best to hide it, as the Pussycats were trying to make an impression.

It was mid-summer, and UA’s hero course classes had arrived at the forest that the Pussycats oversaw for a training camp. Being Ragdoll’s apprentice, it seemed only fitting that you’d show up too. It would be great to train with some of the students from the top hero school in Japan.

One by one, the Pussycats went about explaining their quirks and how they’d be using them to help with training. “This is my little apprentice!” Ragdoll appeared behind you, resting her paw-shaped gloves on your shoulders. “Can you tell?” She asked excitedly, shaking you slightly.

They probably didn’t even know that you were a hero in training. Your hero costume was simple- you could mistake them for street clothes if you didn’t look close enough.

Ragdoll encouraged you to take on some aspects of the Pussycats’ costume, but it was much too flashy for you. Although, you did design your crop top after theirs, with the same multilayer design and ribbon crossing your chest as a little homage to your mentor.

“Hi, um, I’m (y/n).” You introduced yourself nervously. What if these kids were like, rich preppy kids? What if they looked down on you for not going to UA? You tried to push away the thought. “I’ll be sparring with you guys,”

“Are you sure you can handle that, sweetheart?” One of the kids asks. It takes you a second, but you manage to pinpoint the boy who said it. A kid with bright yellow hair and a bolt of black streaking through it. You can tell he’s not trying to put you down, he was just showing off, but it rubbed you the wrong way nonetheless.

Before you can even think to respond, another one of the students is there to stand up for you. “Well, if she’s being trained by the Pussycats’ I think she’d be pretty strong.” The girl who said this had jet black hair and a dignified manner about her.

Another kid, this one seeming to be completely uninterested with what's occurring, snickers. “I bet she could beat your ass in a heartbeat.” He yells, even though there’s no need to be that loud. It sort of sounds like he’s challenging the blond to fight you.

“I mean, if you’d like, you can fight me first.” You offer. You weren’t really one to challenge people, but this would be an exception. Even though you wanted to feel differently, you couldn’t help but want to have a good first impression with the UA students. You wanted them to see just how strong you were. Perhaps, you were stronger than them.

“If that’s what you want, darling.” He strides forward. Behind you, Ragdoll bounces with excitement. “Oh wow! So soon? I’ll let you two get started!” She bounds off to a different group of students, leaving just you and a couple of kids from the original group.

“Would you mind making somewhere for us to spar?” You turn your attention off the boy and to Pixiebob. “Of course,” she responds, using her quirk to flatten out the earth around you. Absentmindedly, you push your boots into the dirt, testing the stiffness of it. Pixiebob had a habit of making ground muddy just to throw you off a bit.

Before you get started, a different boy from the group walks up to Pixiebob, asking if the group could stay and watch you fight. The arrogant one from before mutters something along the lines of ‘I want to see him get his ass kicked’

Pixiebob agreed, and just like that you have an audience for your first match. “Ah, I’m Kaminari. Probably should’ve introduced myself sooner.” He holds his hand out for you to shake. You take it, and give him a smile. “Well, you already know my name.” You drop his hand, “You ready?”

He smiles back, “You know it, Babe.” You roll your eyes at his pet name, but don’t comment on it. You decide you’ll tell him off once you beat him.

He takes his stance, so you take that as a signal to start. Activating your quirk, you pull some water out of the pockets on your belt. It rises up to your hands. Once you have some around your forearms, you send out a tendril to wrap around his leg.

You pull it back, attempting to topple him over. He seems to be caught off guard, but he responds with his own quirk before he loses balance. He sends out a wave of electricity, and it hits you instantly. The water falls and soaks into the grass as you crumble to your knees at the sudden pain.

“Oh, shit.” He sounds genuinely remorseful, “Was that too many volts?” He starts to walk towards you. You put your hand out to stop him. You stand back up, shaking yourself slightly. “I’m fine! Just wasn’t prepared for like, my one weakness.” You dip your hand back into the water, pulling back what you can. You give him a nod, signaling for him to keep going.

Without missing a beat, he sends out another wave. However, you were ready for this one. You quickly pull some water to cover you, freezing it before the electricity hits. You were suddenly glad that you’d done research on whether or not ice was a conductor.

“We talked about assessing quirks before you attack!” Across the glade, Mandalay calls out to you. The kids behind you look shocked that she called out like that. She glances at them with an amused look, “She’s here to learn too, you know.”

You sigh, “Are we done with the teaching moment now?” You crack the ice apart with your quirk, sending the shards flying towards the boy. They catch on his shirt, and you’re glad to see that they haven’t impaled him. The force pulls him back, where the shards pin him against a tree. He struggles for a moment, and then gives up.

As you go over the release Kaminari, the obnoxious kid from the back laughs. It’s not even like he found the situation funny, he just seemed to be taunting Kaminari. You touch the shards of ice, melt them, and then pull them back into the bottles on your belt.

Once he’s freed, you offer him a hand. “You did really well.” He takes it and flashes you a smile, “You’re really good.” You nod in response, before turning around and facing the rest of the students. “Anyone else?”

The obnoxious kid is the first to answer. “What, you think you can beat me?” His eyes are angry, and it starts to make you uncomfortable. Trying not to make the situation awkward, you ignore it.

“I don’t know, maybe.”

Your answer only seems to infuriate the boy more. “Fine, then let’s go!” He’s yelling again, and you turn your gaze away from his. Small explosions fire out from his palms, propelling him over towards you.

You jump back, trying to put some distance between the two of you. “Before we start, whats your name?”

He holds his palm out, aiming an explosion right at you. “Katsuki Bakugou. Don’t you fucking forget it.” Fire erupts from his hands, and you immediately slide to the right to avoid it. However, his other palm is right there to meet you.

Pain spreads through your side as the explosion hits you point-blank. The force sends you stumbling backwards. While trying to keep your balance, you pull the water from your belt and from the small tubes tucked into your hero costume.

Before he can fire off anything else, you send the water towards him. It’s pools around his hands, forming a sphere around them. You watch proudly as he tries to send out another explosion to no avail. He shakes his hands, trying to free them. You don’t let him.

“What the hell, woman?” He roars, “Let me use my fucking hands!” He’s panting from the pure anger that’s boiling inside him.

“It’s (y/n).” You correct him calmly. As he’s seething with anger, you move closer to him. You know that it’s a bad idea to approach someone so angry, but you will only be able to win if you get in close. Most of your water is being used to keep his explosions under control, which means no long distance attacks.

As soon as you're within reach, he swings at you. You duck out of the way and push his arm up. On instinct, he leans back and you use that to continue to push him over. Only, he’s heavier than you expected, and you can only manage to make him stumble. Because of that, you’re the one who’s off balance.

He grunts, and hooks a leg behind yours. When he pulls it back, you lose your balance and fall on your back, hard. The wind is knocked out of you, which breaks your concentration. That in turn, releases his hands from the water, letting it fall down onto your chest.

While you’re down, Bakugou drops down on your waist. You can see what’s happening and try to squirm out of his grip, but you can’t, and he pins your arms above your head.

You both take a moment to catch your breath, and while you do, you come to a very upsetting realization. There is a boy. A hot, pretty boy, on top of you. Pinning your arms down.

Normally you didn’t get like this when you fought, but this was just a little too much for you to handle. You turn your head away quickly, trying to stop the rush of embarrassing thoughts before you started blushing.

“You know you can let her up now, Bakugou!” The blonde, Kaminari, calls from the sidelines, amusement heavy in his tone. It’s now that you start blushing.

“Shut the fuck up before I come over there and beat your ass next.” He yells as he pushes himself off you. Once you can, you sit up and pull the water out of your shirt with your quirk.

He offers a hand to pull you up, but doesn’t look at you as he does it. Once you’re up, you dust yourself off a bit. Bakugou walks away, but another boy with green hair rushes up to you.

“Wow! Only Todoroki can fight Bakugou like that! That was really impressive!” He analyzes your hero costume, trying to take it all in. “Where do you keep all that water?”

“Oh, um, Do you see these?” You point to some of the wires imbedded into your hero costume. They run up and down the entire length of it, molded to fit your body perfectly. “These are like little pipes. I keep the water spread out across my body so it doesn’t get too heavy in one place.”

“Oh! That’s so smart! Do you come up with that design?” His eyes are wide with wonder, and you can’t help but want to tell him everything he wants to know.

“Yeah, actually.” You’re beyond happy to talk about the mechanics of your hero costume. It’s not often that you could find kids your age to talk about hero stuff with. While you’re answering his questions, a cute girl makes her way over to you. She glances at the boy fondly before introducing herself. “I’m Uraraka, and this is Izuku.”

“Oh, I didn’t even introduce myself to you! I’m sorry, I should’ve-” He rubs the back of his head, cheeks red with embarrassment.

You cut him off because you can tell he’d go on about it all day. “It’s fine, really.” You don’t get a chance to speak again, because you’re caught off guard by the sudden pain in your side. With the adrenaline wearing off, it was becoming slightly painful.

The two of them notice you flinch, and immediately become worried. “Are you okay?” Izuku asks. You place a hand on your side, “I’m fine, but I probably should’ve taken a break after sparring with Kaminari…” The words trail off as you feel pain throbbing throughout your body. Why hadn’t you taken into account the fact that you’d been electrocuted? You’d probably pay for not resting later.

You reassure them that you’ll be fine, but when you leave they still look worried. Before heading back to the camp, you let the Pussycats know that you’ll be back soon after you checked yourself over.

#bnha #bnha x reader #bnha x you #bnha x oc #mha #mha x reader #katsuki bakugo imagine #bakugou katsuki #bakugo x reader #katsuki x y/n

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myownwutheringheights · 5 years

Text

Like Daylight

{Malcolm x Reader} Word Count: 3967

AN: First Prodigal Son Fic! May continue, for now it’s a one shot. Let me know if you’d want more to this story! Reader insert, but reader is not present, just mentioned/discussed, etc.

Warnings: R rating. Reader is pregnant. Mentions of unprotected sex, sex in general. Mentions of choking. Mentions of Malcolm’s trauma/past/mental health. Mentions of reader having unknown mental health issues.

*****************************************************************************************

The bulletproof door shut behind Malcolm and the echo of it lasted longer than usual in his mind. The evidence folder in his hand contained only one photo, yet the pieces of paper felt like a dead weight in his protective grasp. Besides, the items didn’t match up. The evidence folder had just been the first thing on hand at the police department.

Come to think of it, it was pretty twisted, having this image in an evidence folder. He wanted the pieces of paper separated now, the picture moved away from the association with the crude colored folder, but he couldn’t just yet.

He had something to share with Dr. Martin Whitly.

Malcolm pocketed his hands, clenching the stress ball in his jacket pocket that (y/n) had given him, and he tried to hide the long slow exhale from his lips as his bright blue eyes settled on the face of his smiling father. It had been months since his last visit. And Martin would be the last to find out; everyone else already knew. He’d sung like a canary over a drink with Gil one evening soon after (y/n) had told him the news. He’d had to tell someone and try to find a way to sort through every feeling bubbling inside him. A therapist would have been a better idea to help him sort through it all, but it had felt better over a conversation with Gil over whisky. When the first few weeks of uncertainty and danger had past, he told the team. They’d certainly reacted better than he’d expected. Some of it was fake enthusiasm, and easy to spot by a profiler, but it came not from a place of malice but a place of concern; he knew they worried about how he would handle the change. And with his track record, well, he couldn’t exactly blame them. Ainsley was next, and then, the dreaded telling his mother. She’d reacted as poorly as he’d expected at first; convinced he couldn’t handle it, that it was irresponsible and selfish. But after a good long talk with (y/n), and realizing she could go shopping, do some decorating as a result, spend a lot of money, and something new to focus her attention on? A distraction and a new place to center her affections? Her tune changed soon after. They had her love and support. And some of her money, which never hurt.

Only Martin was in the dark all these months later. And he had no right to know. None. But (y/n) had been supportive in whatever his decision would be, and had even offered to go with him. He looked back in regret at the anger he’d flung at her for even suggesting it, knowing she meant well. But he never wanted (y/n) to meet his father. He hadn’t been to see Martin in a long time, but now with each passing week and each passing doctors appointment, the night terrors had come back, and for (y/n)’s safety due to the fits, she was sleeping in another bed. Perhaps telling Martin would somehow help him take the necessary steps to begin this new and strange and terrifying journey; start off on an equal and balanced playing field, where all the players knew what was happening. A new blank slate, and no secrets. Maybe he’d be able to sleep next to her again without fearing he’d hurt her by accident in the throws of a night terror.

But this was a part of his life that Martin Whitly would never touch. Malcolm would see to that; and yet there was a tremor that wouldn’t stop, and he hoped maybe telling him would help put an end to it. So here we was, like Dante descending back into hell.

Dr. Whitly broke the silence. He turned in his chair to face his son, his mouth opening in joyous shock. “Malcolm my boy! This is a surprise! It’s been so long! How have you been? I know you’re not covering a murder…” he said gesturing to the TV, with the news muted. Malcolm held out a hand to silence him.

“I’m not here for that. There’s something I have to tell you, then I’m gone.” The father’s eyes narrowed and he stood slowly, the slight sound of metal on metal from the handcuffs in the wake of the movement.

“Malcolm? Are you alright?” The Surgeon was no fool. He knew very well how his son felt about him. If he was here on his own omission with something he had to share, it had to be serious. But if anyone had heard the words and not know Martin Whitley, or what he had done, they would have assumed he was truly the perfect and concerned father.

“I’m fine,” Malcolm said a little too quickly. Martin’s head tilted to the side, slow and deliberate, and he was clearly fighting back a smile. Malcolm thought about leaving. He didn’t have to tell him. But the long and short of it was that he still wanted to tell his father. Most sons got to share this news with their fathers. Was it so wrong for him to want that moment too? Part of him had to tell him.

“Is it that girl you’re seeing? How’s that going with the night terrors? She down with the restraints? Is she into that sort of thing?” Martin said waggling his eyebrows suggestively, and Malcolm held his breath to keep from lunging at the man. Between Malcolm’s visits, and Jessica, he knew too much. Malcolm closed his eyes for just a moment, gave a shake of his head. His hands flexed in his pockets.

“We’re working on all of it, no thanks to you.” He opened his mouth to continue, but Martin cut him off.

“What do you mean “you’re working on it,” what’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means we worked on it.” His voice firm and the matter final. Martin lifted his eyebrows and continued in his nearly cartoonish voice.

“Gracious she must be something special, I should love to meet her,” And that smile curled as his eyes narrowed just enough to let the glee and the madness all shine through. It was the face that had been shown on the news, the face that would make everyone confirm on sight that he was a killer.

“You’re never going to meet her!” He couldn’t hold back the anger any more, it was pulsing in him like a drug. But the picture in the folder in his hand was a firm reminder, and he took a long, deep breath. “I never should have told you she existed, but she does and…”

“And it’d been quite a while, I’m very impressed considering well….everything. Does your mother like her?” Malcolm looked to the books of the small library and back, his patience lingering on the smallest thread.

“Doesn’t matter, none of that is why I’m here.” What could he have told him? If this was a normal conversation between a normal father and a normal son? Yes Jessica adored her. And so did Ainsley. And so did pretty much everyone else in his life. They said she was an angel or a saint, sent to save him. He would scoff and roll his eyes and make some witty remark whenever these sentiments were expressed. (Y/n) hated those sentiments too. But the reality of it was that (y/n) truly had helped him. He was far from saved, a long way from healed. “People don’t save people, Malcolm. That’s movie garbage,” she’d said. Chronic conditions don’t heal. Night terrors don’t just go away. PTSD doesn’t just vanish because of a pretty smile from a lovely girl who for some reason loved him. Chronic depression and anxiety couldn’t be wished away because someone special came into his life. But he’d lie if he said he wasn’t coping better with her. She had been a soothing balm, and in watching (y/n) dress her own wounds, (everyone had their own wounds), he’d learned to care for his own. It was the best form of mimicry. He found helping her when she needed it turned his mind from his own past, and brought him to the present to want to help her. If she was crying, the only thing he cared about was stopping those tears. It was a partnership in baggage that people prayed for. And it was baggage both were somehow able to manage and carry together. Because when he did have night terrors, she was near by to wake him up. When he had tremors she would hold his hand. And she hadn’t left when he’d panicked, and when he continued to panic about the changes that were coming down the line…just a few weeks left…

Don’t think about that right now.

What else could he have said? It was all the things he’d told Gil, and his mother. Even Ainsley.

That her body wash smelled like (your favorite scent) and somehow it always seemed to put him in a better mood. Scent was strongly tied to memory, and now that scent always made him smile a little. That she’d thrown her weighted blanket at him and told him to get it together on more than one occasion. That she actually asked him questions about his past and searched for the good memories for him to share and bring out. That she really liked being outside and dragged him back into nature to get away from the city. That she’d hauled him out of the area to take an actual vacation. Because she loved vacations, and traveling and getting away and damn it she would bring him along, because everyone needs a break from work and to get out of their own head now and then. The fact she was a person he just connected to in a way that people did when they found something and someone special in their life. (Y/n) was all of that to him. And somehow, best of all, she said he was all that for her too. He didn’t fully understand how or why. Some questions, he had learned, were better left unanswered.

“Malcolm?” His father’s voice didn’t even penetrate his mind. His eyes were cast slightly off to the side lost in his thoughts.

What else wouldn’t he share? What was silent and just theirs?

That he and (y/n) had both caught each other crying in the shower on more than one occasion over the course of their relationship. That they’d faced pretty much every possible one of their fears together, and while it was a cliché to say he believed it had made them stronger, it was the truth. That they’d stay up late on the couch drinking tea or coffee to figure things out, no matter what the issue on hand had been. That (y/n) had understood and worked with him getting over his fear of touch. That her body was perfect to him the way it was and he wouldn’t change a thing. Not a single freckle or scar or hair. That the first time she cried out his name while they were making love, it had made his eyes snap open and made him realize he couldn’t go without her or this. That being inside her was an addiction, that her soft cries and her legs around his waist, trembling on the verge was more intoxicating than any of the rare bottles on his mother’s wine rack. That one time he’d choked her in the heat of oncoming pleasure, on one of his particularly bad days, but he’d stopped himself before it had gone too far, and she’d thoroughly yelled at him after. That Malcolm had promised not to do it again, and he’d kept that promise. That she had forgiven him and he would be forever grateful for it. That he struggled when she wasn’t in the mood and he was fully aware he needed better coping mechanisms. That he was terrified of the oncoming dry spell, but he was determined to make it through. That the feel of her fingers in his hair was soothing and erotic to him at the same time. That she’d told him she wanted kids even with their joint collection of high-class, high-end luxury baggage. That having (y/n) beg him to come inside her was truly music to his ears, and the feeling of it unparalleled to any other experiences of his life...

That when (y/n) had told him the news, he’d bought every book possible to try to become an expert in an uncertain and terrifying field. That he stayed up late when he couldn’t sleep to read those books…

“Malcolm!” His dads voice cut through the images in his head. Malcolm’s eyes refocused on the task at hand. The reason he was here. “What is going on?” Martin took another step, and his restraints kept him from taking any more towards his son. He almost looked truly concerned.

“(Y/n) is pregnant.” Malcolm spoke each word with slow and clear perfection, making sure there would be no doubt or question in the words spoken. He composed himself, never originally imagining he’d say those words in this room, in this place. He clenched his hands again, gulped, and let the silence settle as he waited and braced for the reaction. Martin let out one, then two short barking laughs, before his face fell into an insane beaming smile, and he clapped his hands as best he could. Malcolm’s face settled to a hard line, eyes focused and jaw clenched tight, trying to not give his father anything to read.

“That’s fantastic news my boy! I don’t even know what I should say! So many possible reactions! But which one to go for? I’d give you a hug and tell you well done but…well, nevermind! The handcuffs make that tricky. Do I cry tears of joy? I’m not sure! I’m sure your mother is reeling over being old enough to be a grandmother! But which reaction? I mean, a new life in the world! That’s exciting business! The family line continues! Should I question your ability to parent considering…”

“That my own dad is a serial killer?” Malcolm’s voice was dry, the words dripping with sarcasm. Who was he to question his potential parenting skills?

“Yes, that. Should I be upset? Get all preachy, “you know condoms are cheap” kinda talk? Use protection! Ah, you’re not kids so what’s the point. I’m sure you can take care of yourselves. What does she do for work anyway? Eh, doesn’t matter. Oh! What about “you’re not even married!” But I suppose that’s antiquated, who’s married these days…”

“Actually we are,” he said casually, arrogance settling in his eyes. It was the first time in a painfully long amount of time he’d been able to leave the Surgeon speechless and surprised. Malcolm’s mouth formed a little smug smile of pride at the achievement. “Courthouse thing, nothing crazy. Mainly for the benefits, healthcare plans, stuff like that. Boring. We didn’t see the point of anything else. Everyone was there….except you…” Martin’s mouth twitched in agitation. Was Malcolm intentionally trying to anger the man? Yes, yes he was, but he shut down the voice in his head telling him to keep going. Oh the things he wanted to say.

Because of you, I can’t sleep beside her, right now when she needs me the most because I could hurt her or the baby…I’m terrified I use sex with her too much as a coping mechanism…I love her more than anything and I’m terrified of hurting her because of you…and I’m petrified of when we can’t be intimate when she’s healing after…and that’s the most selfish thought in the world and I hate myself for it… I’m terrified I’ll throw myself into work to deal with the changes…Because of you, I’m terrified of what will be passed on to this kid…Because of you I’m petrified what sort of dad I’ll be…I’m scared of hurting my own child…You robbed yourself of being a grandfather, and robbed this child of a grandfather and have left it with a legacy that cannot be explained without nightmare!

Yes, the things he wanted to say….

But he never would. It was all silent thoughts that stayed locked in his mind and kept him up at night. It was things he wanted to say to (y/n) but was terrified what she’d say, even though they’d been there for each other in every way up to now.

No. It gave Martin too much power over him, over them. And Malcolm had promised himself he would not let him have any power over his child.

So he bit his tongue till he tasted blood and let the man carry on in his charismatic ramblings.

“I’m sure I’m the last to know about this too? Yes, of course, rightfully so, I supposed I deserve that. And that jab about a wedding, I will admit that hurt just a little. I could have sent a gift! That’s a lie I couldn’t have done that. But at least a note, that would have been nice to send. But another Whitly is exciting! Another daughter.” Malcolm’s heart rate spiked and the rage that fueled him was a fire he had to put out to maintain control. Always fighting for control.. To Malcolm, she wasn’t a Whitly. (Y/n) would never be a Whitley. She was a Bright.

Martin maintained his smile, pushing every button he could “But I do appreciate you telling me, truly I do.” Malcolm remained silent, letting the man get it all out of his system. The sooner he did, the sooner he could leave. “Well then, since I’m the last to know, has enough time passed to know the big answer…a boy? A girl?” Malcolm debated, closing his eyes and seeing the last sonogram in his mind’s eye, where the nurses had written “Hi, daddy,” on it and for a while he’d been unable to look at it. More so the words than the actual blurry image. He had been horrified imagining holding that title.

But now whenever he felt unnatural terror settling over him, that image of blurry lines and those words had been on the inside of his eyelids and they had a new healing power.

Blurry lines attached to a heartbeat that he listened to almost every night through a stethoscope. A heartbeat that made up something sweet and precious…and unbroken.

Blurry lines attached to the photo in the evidence folder in his hands. Another deep breath…

“A girl.” Malcolm finally said, firming his stance. He would give him the gender, and nothing more. Never her name, which had been decided on, which even now filled every crevice of his mind and heart. To Malcolm, her name was sacred and something he’d never let his father know. Martin smiled ever so slightly at the small look of pride his son was trying to conceal from him. The boy may be frightened of fatherhood, frightened of his past and who he was. And oh he aught to be! But there was pride in Malcolm already for his child. It left Martin smiling brighter.

“Ahhh a girl! How wonderful. Of course you must be thrilled. A girl must be a source of relief!” Malcolm held his ground and stared right back at his father, like two alphas fighting for control. And he would not be afraid. “Oh a boy could look like me, look like you! Then oh, the legacy continues! What a horrible thing it would be for you, to watch my face, or your face, grow up in your care…But a girl! A girl is just different enough to seem to break the cycle doesn’t it? It may even help you in your parenting! You wouldn’t look at her and see my face. She’ll hopefully look like (y/n). That’s what you’re hoping for, isn’t it? What a joy for you, dear boy…” His smile was the stuff of nightmares, his words made to push his son to the brink of mental collapse, to push him into crisis and into his grasp. To anger him, to frighten him, to damage him, and keep him coming back, trapping him in his thrall. If Malcolm was damaged, he’d keep coming back. And it’s all he wanted. He wanted him to come back, and he wanted to meet his granddaughter. “Who knows, you might need my help! Maybe you’ll be just like me…or maybe she will be…”

Malcolm’s ears were ringing and he wanted to shut out his father’s voice.

Run,

his body said.

Run.

But if he ran now, the nightmares would continue. For just a moment, he remembered what his father had said once,

“Love didn’t drive me to kill anyone. No, it drove me to have you.”

No, it drove me to have you.

If he ever did tell his daughter about Martin Whitley, he’d tell her that sentence, he decided. Because if it was the truth, then it was the same reason he had her. For now, Malcolm just shook his head. And he pictured (y/n)’s smile, and he pictured her hand holding her swollen belly, and he wanted nothing more than to be by her side. The task was almost done. And he could, at least try, to never step foot into this room again. “It is a joy for me, Dr. Whitley,” finally opened the evidence file, and took out the image of the sonogram. “Hopefully she will look like (y/n). And I’ll be a good father not because of you, but because I know she’ll be a wonderful mother…”

He traced his fingers over the image one last time.

Love drove me to have you.

He had copies at home; on the fridge, in the bathroom, with his mom, with his sister, by his pills, by their bed, by his memo pad telling him to go to therapy, by Gil’s desk to look at, and one course, one in his wallet. He could separate himself from this one.

As a parting gift. The last gift a prodigal son could give his father. He knocked on the door to be let out by the guards and the buzzer sounded like an alarm in Martin’s ears. He was losing his son to someone else.

“Wait….no, no…Malcolm don’t leave…” But he hurried to the desk to see the sonogram as the door was opened. Martin held the image in his hands. “Malcolm, you can’t leave me…” His voice was shaking, so were his hands as he grasped the only image, he believed he would ever have, of his granddaughter. And he longed to see her, to meet her. Maybe he could say something, do something, send something. He’d meet her. He’d meet (y/n). He had to.

“Goodbye, Dr. Whitly,” Malcolm made sure his wife’s face was the image he saw in front of him, and it gave him the courage to step out that door. He thought of her name, and of their daughter’s and it kept his feet moving.

“You’ll come back my boy, you’ll need me! We’re the same you and I! She’ll be the same! She’ll be the same!” Martin yelled as the son walked away and down the secure hall, the door closing with what felt like a crashing bang in both their heads. For Martin it was an echoing crash that would fester and never stop until the door was opened again. For Malcolm it faded away to a name as he walked down the steps of the psychiatric facility and stepped into the daylight. The name he’d picked. And he thought of (y/n), and that name again and again as he walked home.

Lily. Lily Bright.

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mbti-notes · 4 years

Note

Are you familiar with Little Women? Is Beth INFP or ISFJ? I don't really see enough Ne or Fe. I'm wondering how to determine the aux when her life/dev was cut short. Is Amy ESFP or ENFJ? You've said that using the tert is more likely to lead to problems, but how to differentiate an impulsive kid or unhealthy Se? I don't know what Laurie is and I'd love to hear any thoughts of yours. Thanks

I haven’t read the book. I’ve watched the 1994 and 2019 film adaptations and read some literary commentary. I don’t know whether I’ve captured the true spirit of the characters in my mind yet.

The story is a period piece at this point, which means that context is very important for getting into the minds of the characters. That is, we should avoid projecting our current understanding about personality expression onto past eras. Theirs was a time when people, especially women, were not afforded the freedom that we have today to be oneself and pursue one’s own happiness. They were also quite limited in their exposure to the wider world, thus, new and diverse learning opportunities were rare and to be cherished. Despite being in financial hardship and difficult political times, I believe that the girls had a good moral upbringing. The fact that the girls eventually learned the right things to focus on in life is a credit to their mother’s strong and steady influence. Given this backdrop, I think there will be more examples of healthy than unhealthy function use. The girls are well-adjusted people.

Yes, it is more difficult to assess children, as they do not express the functions in typical adult fashion. Adults have the benefit of many years of feedback about their function use and they are more consistent in their function expression, whereas children are in their experimental phase and often misfire in their attempts to use a function. That is, there is a lot of “noisy” data to sort through when observing kids.

Beth

I’ve often seen words like “shy”, “pious”, and “industrious” used to characterize her. I don’t think introvert is in doubt. Her manner is reserved, she prefers to keep to herself, and she is self-motivated. I don’t think F is in doubt. She cares very deeply and her judgments/decisions are largely informed by her feelings.

Other than the expected imaginative play of all children, I don’t see any evidence of Ne, and she should be showing some significant signs at her age. Being P means being a prospector of information. She lacks the curious, exploring, and adventurous mindset of NPs. Shy and reserved INFPs still find ways to explore the world safely such that they feel brave in their own way (a great example that pops to mind is the character Amélie from the film of the same name). But Beth is perfectly content to close herself off from practically every opportunity to venture out into the world, and there were some very good opportunities presented to her that NPs typically wouldn’t be able to resist. She prefers that life is tightly structured around familiar people, routines, and comfort zones, where she is able to feel in control of her own realm. Of all the sisters, she seems to enjoy her routines the most, as she is most likely to perform her chores and duties without complaint or requiring admonishment. Dutiful, obedient, routine, and “industrious” behavior does not come naturally to INFPs (i.e. not without coercion of some kind), in fact, they tend to really struggle with it unless they are motivated by deep passion. Therefore, there’s compelling evidence that Si is the higher function.

One of the main arguments I’ve seen for INFP revolves around Beth’s strong moral beliefs. If every person with strong moral beliefs is Fi dom, the world would be overrun with them. Why is it that, of all the types, SFJs are known for being the best caregivers? Let’s not do them a disservice by downplaying the strong moral beliefs that FJs are also capable of. It’s more important to look at the source of the beliefs and how exactly they are expressed.

To me, the word “pious” invokes Si more than Fi. A pious person is a rule-abider at heart, someone who deeply respects tradition and ritualistic expressions of it. A pious person also faithfully corrects un-pious behavior, as a form of self-improvement. Challenging oneself to be “proper” (Si) is somewhat different than feeling “good” (Fi). I would argue that Beth’s morality comes from her sense of what is proper and “expected” of people, as picked up in very literal terms from her mother’s pithy advice. Beth is acutely aware of how her suffering might impact others and tries her best to put people at ease. She also never needs to be told twice and she doesn’t struggle with moral decisions in the way that her sisters do.

INFPs often feel conflicted when decision-making because they tend to be full-to-the-brim with conflicted feelings after having prospected too many Ne possibilities. Beth does not seem to suffer this common problem because she’s not just about following her feelings and she’s not as full of conflicted feelings as one would expect of INFPs (i.e. F is not dominant). She is naturally good at managing feelings and keeping them in check because her main approach to information is to structure it with rules and regulations. And purposely keeping her world very contained to the known and simple is a way of making doubly sure that the rules are never difficult to follow. Luckily for her, she lived during a time when it was still relatively easy to choose a small and simple life, away from the stressors of the world at large. She didn’t get to experience the weeds of developing Fe because she purposely kept life simple socially, and then she died before she was forced out into the real world.

Amy

Aside from the impulsiveness one would expect of children, I’m not sure I see other significant signs of Se dom. Fortunately, we do get to see her grow up, and the mature Amy doesn’t resemble ESFP.

One of the main differences that I look for between ESFPs and ENFJs is the degree to which they “think” about how to socialize and fit in. ENFJs approach socializing in a much more complicated way than ESFPs, for better and for worse. ENFJs are more “calculating” socially (for lack of a better word) because Fe relies on knowledge of social norms to achieve social acceptance. ESFPs tend to fit in more naturally by virtue of being themselves and showing off whatever obvious talents or good qualities they have. The more ESFPs “think” about how to socialize, the more they fumble socially, because they get further and further away from themselves (i.e. betrayal of Fi + poor use of Ni). The more carefully ENFJs think about how to socialize, the more they succeed at climbing the social ladder, because they are better able to abstract the essential rules for socializing well (i.e. good use of Fe + Ni).

As a result of this main difference in “complexity” of socializing, ENFJs tend to think/talk a lot more about fitting in (how to do it and how to behave the right way), whereas ESFPs tend to reject abstract talk about “how to” and prefer to “just do it”, since complexity only leads them astray. Notice how Amy gives Jo and Laurie unsolicited advice about how to be “better”, i.e., more acceptable. ESFPs aren’t likely to interfere with people like that because they don’t possess complicated “social worries” to project onto others.

Amy often gets obsessed about particular things that she believes are necessary for “moving up in the world”, such as: physical appearance, material possessions, matters of etiquette, impressing the right people, learning the right crafts, developing the right skills, and so on and so on. Moving up in the world seems to be her main character motivation AND she’s a natural at it. ESFPs, with the strength and conviction of healthy Fi, tend to dislike/resent the idea of social hierarchy, so it pains them a lot more to feel forced into participating in categorizing people along those lines, and, in the end, they will feel that social rewards are meaningless if obtained through betraying Fi. ENFJs are much more willing to play the long social game, even when they are aware that it’s all an act, because Fe benefits much more greatly than Se from the rewards of social status. In the end, Amy makes the correct decision to prioritize her well-being over the superficial trappings of social status (Fe+Ni well-balanced).

Laurie

I’m not sure about him, either, because he’s a supporting character and we aren’t privy to all of his motivations. Being rich affords him a carefree life, so his personality development is rather slow due to not being challenged to grow. I think he’s introverted as he’s modest and unassuming, not one to actively seek out attention, esteem, or glory. I think he’s P as he doesn’t seem to require any structure and is content amusing himself with whatever he likes moment to moment. He seems to scrape by just fine no matter where he is or what he’s doing, and he doesn’t aspire to much more than drifting along. However, I think his lack of aspiration isn’t a natural part of his personality but more a result of him being bogged down by unresolved heartbreaks. He feels somewhat alone in the world (family issues). He dreams of being with Jo but she refuses him. He dreams of being a musician but feels torn about disrespecting his benefactor. He dreams of various careers but lacks the talent.

What’s his main motivation? I think he would love nothing more than to devote himself wholeheartedly to the people he loves. He’s basically willing to accept any sort of life as long as he gets to be with his loved ones. This deep romanticism indicates F, and if also P, then Fi dom. His long and deep devotion to the IDEAL of being with Jo might indicate Ne. Later, he longs for the past and his childhood relationships with Jo and the girls, which might be an indication of Fi-Si loop. He has mythologized Jo, their past together, and the future they could’ve had. It takes both Jo and Amy to make him face facts. A running theme in the book is how women are expected to be proper for men (so as to be a good influence and/or not lead them astray), and the sisters saving Laurie from himself is a good example of that.

Observe how he sizes up the girls and the ways in which he tries to care for and protect them. One thing that he seems to value a lot is “authenticity” and he tends to call them out for inauthentic behavior throughout the years. He had a hand in Amy re-evaluating her priorities. In return, Amy taught him that "authenticity” is a privilege (as women didn’t have the freedom to be authentic) and he came to admire her ambition and tenacity. He seems to think that he’s good at sizing people up, but she’s on a different level. I think that he was impressed by her blunt assessment of his lifestyle, probably because he had never encountered that sort of tough love (aka honesty) before. It seems that he needed someone to be tough with him, which is common for INFPs. Jo was always the star of the show, too self-involved to encourage his growth. Amy opened up his mind, which he seemed to sorely need for moving forward (perhaps Ne resolution).

#little women #beth #amy #laurie #fiction #fictional depictions #isfj #infp #enfj #esfp #ask

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beautifulterriblequeen · 4 years

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I know that sound

Remember when the issue of Runaan and Rayla vs a dragon was super briefly brought up and immediately abandoned with zero context in a TDP interview? Me either, but that totally happened. (thanks to @ladyandherbooks for a great conversation on the topic!)

Is it going to be in the future or has it already happened? I think it’s already happened because of this comment Rayla makes in S2E7 when Pyrrah roars in the distance.

My favorite angsty headcanon as to exactly when Rayla and Runaan faced off with a dragon is that it was when a raging, mourning Zubeia came looking for Runaan--and for Rayla--after her egg vanished and her mate was killed.

TDP has a beautiful habit of adding backstory behind dramatic events that changes the perspective of those events. We started watching this show knowing that the humans slayed Thunder. Then we learned it was in vengeance for Sarai’s death. Then we learned that she died trying to save her people from a famine. Those kinds of layers.

So I’m wondering if this moonfam vs dragon is just such an event, which will change our perspective on Rayla and Runaan’s relationship, and on why she ended up on his mission in the first place.

I don’t know whether a Storm archdragon has enough magical power to see through the Silvergrove’s enchantments, but I want the answer to be no. Because then, see, Zubeia’s got to fly around roaring and raging and shouting above the village and freaking out all the Moonshadow elves. Like, “holy crap the Dragon Queen has lost her mind, uhhh guys what to we do??” Because see, they don’t know yet. They don’t know about Harrow and Viren and Avizandum and the egg. This moment, this exchange, this is how they learn what happened.

So the elves stare skyward as Zubeia roars and zaps her way over the forest, maybe even crying Runaan’s name. Or worse, Rayla’s. There’s no way he’d let Rayla approach an enraged dragon. But he’s the leader of the assassins. This is his village, and Rayla is the daughter of his heart. Defending literally everyone who’s currently in danger is exactly Runaan’s jam. So he leaves the village and draws Zubeia’s attention a ways away, where she can’t hurt anyone, hoping to let her say her piece in um, peace.

I don’t think it went well, for several reasons. And the first of those reasons is that Rayla sneaked out after him.

The first things Zubeia would want Runaan to know are that his friends were cowards and that her egg and mate are dead. If Rayla overheard the bit about her parents, I can see her throwing caution to the wind and darting right out to say Zubeia’s totally wrong. Runaan would be intensely concerned for her safety, but he’s got to keep a hold on the situation despite his own shock and horror. A mother who’s just lost her baby could do anything she wanted, especially if she’s got teeth that are six feet long and extremely pointy. He’s just lost his two best friends, but he can’t do anything that puts Rayla’s life in more danger than it’s already in.

And maybe it is in danger. Zubeia blames all of her Dragonguard for fleeing. But Moonshadows don’t run. Maybe she already hunted down the others, and here she is, unable to find Lain and Tiadrin anywhere, desperate for revenge, and turning to their daughter. Zubeia did lose a child. How fitting, she might decide, that her traitorous guards lose theirs in return.

Runaan’s definitely not having that, though. He’d say or do just about anything to protect Rayla. And conveniently, it’s his actual job to hunt down horrible people. Maybe he offered his services to Zubeia to keep her from killing Rayla. Tried his best to direct the distraught dragon from wild revenge to a balanced justice. Maybe Runaan agreed to take Ezran’s life so he wouldn’t have to lose Rayla’s.

Rayla would be sickened, angry, horrified, and maybe just a little lost in all these horrible details, but once she heard Runaan talking about an assassination mission, she’d pick up immediately that she could find redemption by going with him. Not just in Zubeia’s eyes, but in everyone else’s. And it would placate the Dragon Queen to see Rayla acting furious and intent on fixing her parents’ mistake.

Maybe Runaan never intended for Rayla to grow up to be an assassin at all, despite her admiration for him and his honorable position in the Silvergrove. But in such a moment, with Rayla glaring up at him and Zubeia staring down at him, he felt the strings of fate pull so tightly that he had no choice but to say yes. His job is to lead and train assassins. If anyone can get a determined young Moonshadow elf ready for an assassination mission in a short period of time, it’s Runaan.

Is this why the mission took so long to start after the event that triggered it? Avizandum died at Winter’s Turn, which is like New Year’s, but Runaan’s mission set out in May. He and Rayla might’ve spent those intervening months training like crazy. But eventually, Runaan had to make the call--Zubeia’s been waiting on him, and he’s got to decide at some point that Rayla’s ready enough.

Runaan may have negotiated with Zubeia to take Rayla with him, but only when he deemed her ready. Zubeia might not have cared much whether Rayla lived or died on the mission. But better to give Rayla a fighting chance, and a chance to redeem her family’s honor, than to refuse and risk Zubeia lashing out at her right there and then.

It’s an impossible situation, but Runaan seems to have a knack for getting into those and making hard calls. He absolutely won’t let Rayla die today, but his other options are to kill an innocent prince and to endanger his daughter while doing it. And he goes with that. He says he’ll do it, and then, because of his honor, he actually plans to do exactly that.

Harrow would be much easier to agree to take. Harrow is the one who actually killed Avizandum. But why Ezran? That’s a demand made out of rage and grief. If Rayla’s life hadn’t been under threat at the time of Zubeia’s and Runaan’s negotiation, would Runaan have agreed to take Ezran’s life?

Maybe he would. It is a balanced solution, in a very dark and terrible way. But for a guy with his own child, it feels like a really, really dark move to agree to. Maybe he didn’t make it willingly.

If Runaan felt pressured into taking Rayla on his mission to spare her life, that adds new dimension to his theme of protecting her. He basically sacrificed himself and his whole team to save her when the mission went pear-shaped. What a ride it would be if her life was actually in danger much earlier than that.

I know this doesn’t have much connection with canon. Zubeia seemed oddly thrilled with all the humans and elves around her when she woke up. But maybe we’re missing something in her character arc as well. She got Runaan to accept the mission to take Harrow and Ezran. And then she had to wait. And wait. And her rage died out, leaving her with only her sorrow. Her broken heart was all she had left, and it began to kill her. Ibis said that she’d slipped into a coma ten days earlier, which was around the time that S3 started. That was most likely after she received Runaan’s shadowhawk, telling her that Harrow was dead, but not Ezran.

Did she think Runaan had gone back on his word? Did she tell anyone at all what his message said? That he’d failed to do what he promised?

Rrgh, was Runaan worried when he shot that shadowhawk off that Zubeia might still try to exact revenge on Rayla because he hadn’t taken Ezran? Maybe he didn’t want Rayla taking the egg back to Xadia because she’d be running directly to the dragon that threatened her, and Runaan was trying to minimize the risk to her life, again, by taking it himself.

Why did he demand the egg like he did? Is he really just that dramatic? Or was he trying to keep Rayla and Zubeia apart because Rayla had to hear what a raging dragon sounds like once, and he never wanted her to hear that sound again?

The irony will be enormous if Runaan was trying to protect Rayla from a threat that nearly died from grief between the time he left on his mission and the time Rayla reached Xadia without him. Because if his mission had gone off without a hitch, he and Rayla would’ve been home and dry before Zubeia fell into her coma. Rayla might be safe in that scenario, but Zym would be lost, and Ezran would be dead.

why are there never any clear answers i love this show

#runaan #rayla #zubeia #tdp speculation #tdp headcanons #tdp

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jenovahh · 4 years

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The Honey Pot - Ch. 13 - Be(e) Mine

Varis’ lips press into a thin line as the Emissary strides toward you. Even his walk is smooth, his gait even and balanced, looking close to a saunter. His red eyes ensnare you, leaving you unable to look anywhere else but him.

And he knows it.

“I presume this to be her, correct?” the Emissary asks, coming to a stop a respectable distance away from you.

“Yes.” Varis answers, coming to stand nearby, clearly displeased.

The Emissary seems to pay little attention to Varis’ annoyed tone, choosing to extend his hand out in an offer to shake it. “A pleasure to meet you…”

“Honey.” You shake his hand firmly, surprised that for how thin he looks, he has a fairly strong grip. Continuing to hold your hand, his lips tweak into a gentle smile.

“What a lovely name.” The Emissary replies, the compliment sounding entirely genuine. You hope he can’t see the light blush rise to your cheeks.

Your eyes drift over to a nearby clock, catching the time. “I appreciate the compliments. Unfortunately, I do have some other business…” you trail off, giving your hand a light tug. He holds fast for a beat longer before finally loosening his grip, but not before turning your palm downwards to bring your hand to his lips to kiss the back of your hand.

“Professional, lovely, and diligent...your son has made quite the find, hasn’t he Varis?” The words are practically purred against your skin as the Emissary lowers his lashes at you.

“Indeed she is…” Varis murmurs, and his tone makes you break your stare off with the Emissary, not liking the predatory gleam in his golden eyes.

“Very well. I won’t hold you any longer, and let you attend to your duties.”

As he releases your hand, you do your best to not snatch it back to you, remaining cool and composed as you give the Emissary a hesitant smile. “Thank you…?”

“Elidibus.” He purrs, grinning like a cat. “I will be seeing you at dinner.” It was a statement, not an inquiry, and you quickly jolted your eyes to Varis. The CEO looked just as surprised as you, the predatory look fading for but a moment.

“I suppose you will.” You answer, not bothering to hide the confusion in your voice, but unwilling to stay any longer. Turning away you make your way to the kitchen, hoping you hadn’t kept Lyngsath waiting for too long.

“Sleepin’ in?” Lyngsath greets as you stroll in, already holding your plate of breakfast for you.

“Mornin’ Lyngsath.” You beam, taking a seat at a nearby table as he sets the plate down in front of you.A spread of various mouth watering fruit sits before you, paired with some eggs and toast. Saying your thanks, you dig right in. “I was held up by an, uh, guest?”

“Ah, the Emissary?” Lyngsath booms, though he doesn’t need to. His throaty voice easily carries over the sizzle of meat and clanging of pots. “What an honor! He has visited before, he is a most gracious guest. Lord Varis has us prepare Garlean cuisine for his arrival.”

Your eyebrow raises at that. “Garlean cuisine? Why?”

“Did you not know? He is the Prime Minister of Garlemald!”

"Garlemald? But he doesn't have a third eye…" you murmur in confusion.

"Aye! Which makes his position all the more impressive!"

You nearly drop your spoon at that, eyes surely bulging out of your head. You couldn’t believe you had so casually met a Prime Minister, and of Garlemald no less…

Which leads you to wonder, just what is the relationship between a CEO far from home and home’s Prime Minister? Of course it’s not unheard of for people in positions of power to mingle with one another; Lord Hien is known for being quite good friends with Gosetsu, a world renowned swordsmith and craftsman. However, thinking back on Varis’ tone when speaking with the Emissary, it leads you to believe that their relationship is far from chummy.

Speaking of Varis…

Handing your plate to the dishwasher, you make your way to the gym where Zenos awaits, thinking over his father’s unsettling stare. For someone who thought you worse than dirt, he seemed to pay special attention to you, or maybe he was merely making sure you wouldn’t step out of line in front of such prestigious company. Did he have anything close to a conscience that let him see he should afford you some respect for saving his life? It was the only reason that made sense from what you could tell.

“You are late.”

You don’t miss a beat as you head to put your things down as usual, seeing that Zenos has already finished his morning meditation.

“I slept in a little.” You lie, beginning your stretches. His eyes haven’t left you, focused hard, judging.

“Were you stopped by someone?” He asks, eyes narrowing as you flinch guiltily. “Who?”

“The Emissary.” You mumble under your breath, cutting your eyes away as you find the weights on the other wall suddenly riveting. “All he did was say hello, and thank me for saving you and your dad.” You answer truthfully, bending to reach your toes.

“That’s all?” Zenos questions. Really, you wonder if he had some built in lie detector or something on you.

“And...he also invited me to dinner later.” You mumble as quickly as possible.

“He did? Not my father?” Zenos presses, crouching down to pull you out of your stretch. His face is strangely serious, almost calculating.

“Yes. I believe to thank me for saving you and your dad.” You tell him, jumping as his grip on you tightens for a brief moment.

“Father.” He corrects while looking down at you, and you nod slowly. Standing to his full height, he seems to stare hard at nothing for a moment. “Continue your stretches. I’ve already finished warming up.”

Biting down on your lip, you watch as he seems to resist the urge to pace. Outwardly he doesn’t look too concerned, but you’ve been around him enough by this point to see that something is genuinely bothering him. If someone as immovable as him seems put out, perhaps you should be too. “Should I be worried?” You hazard, knowing full well he could either respond with sass or fury.

He pauses his musing to look at you, frost blue eyes shimmering as he mulls over his words. “Worried? Certainly not.” He huffs, the hint of a smirk pulling at his lips, but his brows furrow further. “If what is happening, is happening, it will be my problem; not yours.”

Frowning, you stand to your feet, beginning your arm stretches. “But I’m your bodyguard right? So if it’s your problem, pretty sure it’s mine too.” You counter, watching a single blonde eyebrow arch, before his lips curl into a full on smirk.

“Yes...you are mine, aren’t you?” He purrs, so deep and silky that for a moment you almost ignore what it was he said.

“I am your bodyguard, yes.” You correct, sticking your tongue out at him, not caring how childish you may look.

“I’d put that away unless you plan to use it, my beast.” He croons, eyes half lidded, and your tongue snaps back in your mouth like an old cartoon, staring wide eyed at your boss. Even in the stark, white light, his eyes glimmer darkly, a myriad of emotion swimming through them. A tension seems to fall upon the room under his hooded stare, growing more oppressive as he crosses over to you.

Standing before you, he shifts his weight to one leg, a hand slowly reaching out to take a lock of your hair between two fingers. Twirling the strands between them, his eyes slide to yours, half lidded. “Deny it all you like, my beast. You are mine, and mine alone, no matter how much you may hate me. Until you breathe your last breath, I never intend to let you go.”

Scoffing, you jerk slightly to pull the strands from his fingers, and he allows it. “Those words would almost be romantic if they weren’t said by a sociopath such as yourself.” You snarl, glaring hotly up at him, wishing anything you did would faze him. “I belong to no one, Zenos.”

He laughs, bending down into your space, and out of sheer spite do you not cow before him as he enters it. You feel the ends of his long, blonde hair tickle your skin, feel his cool breath ghost across your face. “Is it so wrong to belong? Do I not belong to you?”

Your brain halts at that statement, caught off guard. Zenos smirks, pressing even closer, your foot taking you backwards as to not have his lips meet your own. Zenos follows, step for step. “Have you not given me the challenge I’ve craved my entire life? Who else has been strong enough to sharpen my blade as I have sharpened theirs?” He asks, and you find you have no answer. You grunt as you nearly trip backwards over equipment, Zenos’ arm rushing out to grab your own and pull you close to him.

“I am hated by far too many than I care to keep count for. But you, my beast…” He purrs, arm snaking around your waist, holding you close as he once again leans into your space, “No one has challenged me as you have. You are in my thoughts every waking moment, the highlight of an otherwise dull and dreary day.” Pressed between him and the wall, you pray he cannot hear how your heart races inside your chest, how your face flushes red as he tries to press closer still.

“Do I not belong to you as well? She, who hates me with such ferocity, she, who does not cow before what could be certain death. Where others would bend and break, you tower over me with your might.” He praises, voice but a harsh whisper as if he is trying to convince you. “It is why I do not care how you spit and curse at me. Am I not yours to treat how you see fit?”

You don’t know what to say.

That Zenos thought you his own property was certain, but the knowledge that he thought him your property left you more than speechless.

That the son of one of the richest men living in Kugane would think himself beneath you.

That the man who would have men and women alike throwing themselves at his feet...

That the man who demanded respect by just walking in a room would let you flip him over your shoulder, snark and snap at him as if he was a bum off the street…

“I do not want you to be mine.” You murmur softly, meeting his gaze head on, unafraid.

“You do not have a choice.” He responds, not missing a beat, lips curling into a smirk. “Your survival depends on my protection. I will not suffer to see my father take yet another one of my bodyguards away from me.” He rumbles, voice low and threatening like the beginning of a summer storm. “And if you think I am unforgiving,...you would not last a day underneath my father.”

Swallowing thickly, you nod, hearing the genuine promise in his voice.

As he pulls away, you can’t help but gaze up at him, your heart still thudding in your chest. Smart as he was, what a fool he must be to be so enamored with you to let you treat him the way he does. Would he feel betrayed when you finally turned him in for his crimes along with his father?

Bile fills your throat for a brief moment, hand flying to your mouth as Zenos turns around to head back to the center of the room. Frowning, you bite down hard on your lip at the conflicting feelings in your chest, deciding not to think too hard on them for now. It is instead time to focus on your daily training, to prepare for the rest of the day.

You try to keep the thought of meeting with the Emissary at bay; he had seemed pleasant enough. Though you can’t say you at all expected for the voice of the world leader to pour out like ichor; for his unreadable, ruby gaze to land upon you, making you feel so much...younger than he. There was a wisdom to him that you couldn’t put your finger on, and you hoped to perhaps find more out at the looming dinner.

As the day passes on you begin thinking harder and harder on the dinner. It dawns on you much later how many important people will be at this table: a CEO, a dignitary (the dignitary) of Garlemald, and the son of the aforementioned CEO. Men who were all highly educated, incredibly rich, and unbearably snooty. It made you feel like you had walked out the boonies.

Would you be given something to wear? Was it that important? Would it be an actual dress?

“I can tell from the look on your face you are thinking much too hard about tonight.”

Your eyes slowly slide over from your place on one of the chairs to Zenos, who is sitting at his desk, flipping through stacks of paper, expression bored, but focused. “What’s on your mind?” he sighs, grabbing a fine ink pen to scribble something on a paper.

Deciding to humor him, you kick your legs over the arm of the chair, relaxing against the other. “It just occurred to me how many important people are going to be at this dinner.” You answer, deciding not to elaborate on your feelings.

His scoff is clearly heard across his spacious office. “Afraid you’ll embarrass yourself?” He teases, making another few choice marks on the paper. You frown at how he pegged you so easily, rolling your eyes as you stare at the mirrored ceiling.

“Hardly. Who needs to be embarrassed with skills like mine?” You retort, idly kicking your feet as you stare at your reflection. “I just wonder how I got here; a street rat as you so affectionately called me, coming to sit with a CEO, a foreign world leader, and the CEO’s son. Never in my wildest dreams would I have guessed…” You trail off, noticing Zenos has stopped scribbling away at whatever he was doing. “I can’t be so important right? Like, what does a whole ass world leader want with me, to come overseas just to give a thank you for saving some of his citizens in person? Unless…”

Unless you are important to him.

The thought gives you pause. While it wasn’t unheard of for some world leaders to be buddy buddy with some successful businessmen, most tried to keep from being in the public eye too much lest some sort of collusion would begin to be suspected. Despite being one of the most prominent figures within Kugane, very little was actually known about Varis: who he interacted with, his family, hells, even some doubted the truth of his origins.

“I too, wonder at Elidibus’ reasoning for coming over…” You hear Zenos murmur, returning back to writing, though at a slower pace. His brows are furrowed in concentration, as if he’s trying to make sense of the situation himself.

“Does he not visit often?” You ask with a shrug.

“No. In fact, the last reason he visited was only when my father’s tower was completed, and that was over four years ago. He does not oft visit my father. Whether it is due to his own responsibilities as the Emissary, or his own personal reasons, I do not know.” He sighs, neatly settling the papers and stacking them at the corner of his desk.

“Are he and your father like...friends?” The thought of anyone wanting to be Varis’ friend seems nigh impossible, but due to your job you can’t ignore the possibility.

“If they are friends, I wouldn’t know anything about it.” You turn your head to watch him recline in his high backed chair, leveling you with a neutral expression. “As I’m sure you’ve noticed, my beast, I have little to no desire to poke around my father’s personal affairs. So long as it does not affect my own life, I care little for what he does.”

You can’t stop your frown. You wonder what could’ve happened in his upbringing to cause such a dramatic rift; one so wide that you genuinely doubt there would be any healing for it. Zenos did not even hate his father; he merely felt nothing but unending apathy for him. Curiosity nagged in the back of your mind, wanting to know more about him, his family, why he was the way he was.

Never once did it cross your mind to ask in an attempt to dig for information. You wanted to know purely because you wanted to know.

“Either way, you have nothing to worry about. If anything, my father is just looking for an excuse to try and talk to you.” He sighs, the anger barely restrained in his voice.

Sitting up now, you meet his gaze head on. “Talk to me? I thought--”

“What is the reason Elidibus has invited you to dinner, Honey?” He cuts you off, eyes hard.

“To thank me for saving you and your father--”

“And what did I tell you would keep you from escaping my father’s notice?” He interrupts once more, his fists clenched tightly.

Dread seeps into your very bones as you realize what he’s getting at.

“My father has no use for anyone who is not willing to kill or be killed for him.” He hisses, his next words draining the color from your face. “By killing Lambard in order to save us, you just put yourself in his sights.”

It seemed if you excelled in anything, it was getting in deeper trouble than you were already in.

You tried not to blame yourself too heavily. You couldn’t fail your job by letting Zenos and Varis die; death would be too easy of an escape for all the crimes they’ve committed. Your hand had been forced; you had no other way to ensure their survival aside from ending Lambard’s life.

As much as you tell yourself that, the nightmares still plague you.

“Can I count on your father to behave himself?” You ask, staring out the window of the backseat of the car, watching as the city fades away into upper end housing.

Zenos arches a strong brow. “Behave?” He questions.

“If he calls me a savage, I’m decking him right in his fucking face.” You snarl, glaring at him fiercely as he barks out a laugh.

“As enjoyable a sight as that sounds, I can’t say I can predict how he’ll act. As I had said, I don’t know the nature of their relationship, but I’ve seen them around each other enough to hazard that my father will...behave like you wish.” His lips curl into a fierce smirk. “He must answer to the Emissary after all. And I will say Elidibus is certainly more sensitive.” He snorts derisively.

Tutting, you jab a finger sharply into his shoulder. “You could stand to be more sensitive.” You sneer, making sure to draw out every syllable of the word. You freeze as Zenos grabs your hand in his, holding tightly, but not so much you could not pull away if you wanted.

“Could I?” He purrs, thumb tracing nonsensical patterns on the back of your hand. His touch is like fire despite the crystalline gaze of his frigid blue eyes, each motion sending sparks along your skin. “I think you’ll find parts of me are certainly more sensitive than most, my beast.”

Flushing deeply, you stammer, unsure of what to say in the face of such an obvious innuendo. Quickly, you regain your cool. “I thought you said you did not mix business with pleasure.” You hiss, snatching your hand away, unconsciously pressing yourself against the opposite door for good measure.

“So I did.” He chuckles lowly, gaze half lidded. “Though I will say, it is certainly a stance I’ve considered...reevaluating.” His voice rumbles low and thick, so much so that you know you would’ve felt it if you continued to let him hold your hand. Unsure what to say, you mumble something about “lying rich boys” and refocus on the houses passing by, doing your best to ignore the satisfied air you know lurks right behind you.

Pulling up to the house, both you and Zenos exit the car, your eyes barely catching Ardbert's look of worry. You toss him an easy going smile over your shoulder, one that tells him not to worry. You may be in Varis' sights now, but you'll be damned before you ever worked under him. "Do I have to change into something nice?" you ask Zenos, opening the front door for him so that you two may step inside. Your dinners were often taken alone in a separate dining room while Zenos and Varis ate in the main one.

"I would suggest you change into something light and...appropriate. It's not a formal dinner, but as you had said before, you are in esteemed company." He answers truthfully, pausing as he reaches the spiraling staircase to the upper floors. "Dress modestly, comfortably."

Nodding you head to your own rooms to get out of your uniform and shower. You decide to not read too deep about his "modest" comment; if anything it was a genuine suggestion aa you were about to dine with a dignitary. You'd have to wear something that was already given to you upon your move here; no way any of the clothes you picked would be anywhere decent enough.

You decide to pick a floral top, not afraid to add a little feminine flair. Pink flowers trail across sheer black material, you modesty protected with the satin undershirt. You pair it with some fairly dressy jeans, the material smooth and obviously designer, but still casual so that you don’t look like you’re trying too hard. You glance back at the vanity in the bathroom for the moment, debating on at the very least putting on some mascara or some eyeliner, but decide against it. It was just a simple dinner, and you had no one to impress.

Stepping out your room, you take a calming breath, the mansion quieter with the day almost done. In a last minute decision you decided to go with some modest heels instead of flats, accentuating the line of your legs as your heels click on the immaculate tile floor once you begin making your way down the hall. You’ve brushed your hair to where you pray it looks presentable, having not nearly enough time to pull it into something fancy. A few housekeepers take note of your attire, some even whistling in jest as you stroll down the hall. It was well known that once you got home you usually threw on a t-shirt and shorts, scarfed down your dinner, and hid out in your room for the rest of the night.

Now, their second glances make you feel terribly self conscious.

Reaching the door to the dining hall, you pause. They know you’re outside obviously; your heels signaled your approach. Even still, you take the time to hesitate, worrying your lip for a moment before you take a deep breath and press down on the still bent door handle.

Immediately all eyes land on you, and you give a small bow. “Good evening.” You greet, eyeing the remaining chairs at the table. Varis sits at the head, Elidibus to his left and Zenos to his right. Instinct demands you sit at the opposite end, but that’s a power move you don’t want to play right now.

“Good evening.” Elidibus returns with a warm smile, his voice floating over to you like a gentle cloud. “Please, take a seat wherever you wish.” He offers.

Giving him a small smile of thanks, you decide to play it safe and sit next to Zenos and opposite of Elidibus. If Varis does try to start shit, Zenos hopefully would make a good buffer and stop you before you jeopardized your mission. Sitting next to the Emissary also wasn’t an option, not being nearly enough familiar, not wanting to offend.

Taking your seat in the high backed chair, you eye the many forks and spoons before you. Mentally you groan; you didn’t think rich people actually ate like this. They are all made of real silver, that much is obvious.

“Worry not about any high class etiquette tonight--” Elidibus purrs, his lips curled into a smile, “--most of them are for show anyway. Varis has always been one to flaunt his wealth.”

Unsure if that was a barb or not, you prepare to respond but Varis beats you to it. “One should show their hard earned possessions.” He huffs haughtily, golden eyes fixated on you. Keeping your expression neutral is a challenge in itself, meeting his gaze unafraid. “Also I believe that this is my dining room that you’re playing host in.”

“Indeed it is. My apologies.” Elidibus chuckles, and suddenly things feel tense.

Your eyes slide to Zenos for a moment for any kind of clue, but he stares off into the distance, bored. No help from him then.

“In that case, let me chat as a guest. I regret not being able to spend more time with you earlier this morning.” Elidibus says as he leans back in his chair, steepling his fingers in his lap. “Had I known your morning was already taken up by young Zenos, I would have requested your time earlier. Varis seemed to leave out that tidbit.”

“Ah, forgive me then.” You titter nervously, feeling like a sheep in a den of wolves. It was one thing to win a fist fight, but a fight of words, of cunning and skill and never saying what you mean… that is where you were sorely outmatched. “Ever since I began my employment here, I have trained with Zenos at daybreak.”

“Zenos?” Elidibus echoes, red eyes sparkling like rubies. “You two are so...familiar?”

Your eyes dart to the aforementioned man who is now looking back at you. You can feel your face heat up under his scrutiny, despite his father and a whole ass dignitary being in the room. “I suppose we have become more casual, as time has gone on?” You wince at how your voice ticks upwards with uncertainty, daring to take a glance at the man across the table.

“I see. No wonder you were so...vicious in saving young Zenos and his father.” It is worded as a statement, but it is almost as if he is musing to himself out loud. “I have only heard bits and pieces of the tale; would you mind regaling me in the details?”

“She will not.”

Zenos has spoken for the first time since you had entered the room, his icy gaze settled on the Emissary. Elidibus doesn’t look fazed by Zenos’ warning stare, though unlike Varis, he merely looks amused. “Oh?”

“Mind your tongue, boy.” Varis warns, and Zenos’ glare turns downright murderous as he stares down his father. Varis doesn’t flinch, unblinking as he steps in to reprimand his son. You resist the urge to just slink under the table and slide out the door, your nerves frazzled beyond belief and you’re positive you’ve only been in the room no more than ten minutes.

“It is fine, let him speak. She is his charge after all…” His stress on being his does not escape your notice, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion as his ruby eyes twinkle with unsaid plans. So occupied with his jewel like eyes, you do not notice Varis’ perpetual frown somehow deepening.

“If you are lacking in details, Emissary, there is a reason for such. If you are truly so curious, I’m sure my father can avail you of the details privately.” His voice is like steel, seeming almost non-threatening to anyone who doesn’t know him, but you can hear the threat in his voice.

“This is certainly true, young Zenos. I did not mean to overstep my bounds.” Elidibus offers diplomatically. You don’t doubt Zenos seeing it for what it is, but it seems to placate him for the time being. “Though I must wonder, will you be keeping such skill to yourself?”

“Of course.” Zenos answers with zero hesitation. “Father has enough guards; he had hounded me to get one of my own, and now I have her.”

“I see.” Elidibus murmurs, once again musing aloud. He seems to be digging for clues, but clues for what? What are his plans?

Maybe it was time to start asking questions of your own.

“If I may be so bold,” you begin, “you’ve been awfully curious about me, Emissary, while I am ashamed to say I don’t know much about yourself.”

You’ve clearly caught him off guard, surprise shining in his eyes for a moment before a genuine respect shines in them. “I am not one to praise myself, Miss…”

“Honey is fine, remember?” you advise, not at all liking the idea of being called Miss Honey.

“Indeed. I try not to make a habit of talking about myself, especially due to my position, but I will do my best to answer any questions you may have.”

Nodding, you do your best to phrase your next question carefully. “I have to say I was pretty surprised to see a Garlean dignitary here, in Lord Varis’ home no less. Are you perhaps old friends?”

Elidibus lets out a rich laugh at that, the sound pleasant and smooth like whiskey. “If we are anything, it is colleagues. We met when we were younger, just starting to break out into the world. Since then, we have kept up with each other’s life events. I was there for Zenos’ birth, and the unfortunate death of his mother.”

An incredibly safe answer from what you could tell. “I see. Then I suppose it makes sense why you would come to visit after such a...life threatening situation.”

He opens his mouth to speak, but at that moment the door to the kitchen opens, Lyngsath’s bulk crowding through. “Good evening, Emissary! It is an honor to host you once again!” he booms, pearly white teeth twinkling in the low light from the chandelier. With that, it seems questions are to be put on hold as dinner is served.

Your suspicions about the family eating better than you are confirmed; everything put before you looks amazing. Not that you’re fed absolute gruel, but the mole loaf placed before you has gravy on it. Gravy! Such frivolities were excluded from your diet (thanks to Zenos) and you did your best to not look like a pig as you savored each bite. You were tempted to ask for seconds but didn’t want to push your luck, sensing that Zenos might give you an earful of maintaining peak physical form. It made no sense he ate like this every night and wasn’t restricting his own diet.

“I believe I will be retiring for tonight.” Zenos dabs at his lips gently with a cloth napkin, gently pushing his chair away from the table to stand. You glance at your plate, still a bit hungry, hoping that now with Zenos gone, you can sneak into the kitchen and tell Lyngsath to save any leftovers for later.

“Come, Honey. We must rest for tomorrow.”

Goddammit.

“It seems we must part for now. Thank you for your company, Honey.” Elidibus croons, your name sounding like silk passing his lips, the rich baritone of his voice making you shiver. You throw a cautious glance at Zenos who is glaring daggers at the Emissary and decide to expedite your exit.

“A pleasure to meet you as well, I am not often in such good company. I wish you safe travels,”

“Ah, ah. I will remain here in Hingashi for a while yet. It’s been some time since I’ve been able to relax. Hopefully, we will have time to get more acquainted with one another?” He’s pretty much backed you into a corner with a yes or no question, so you pray a carefully crafted “maybe” won’t offend.

“So long as I have the time. As you’ve heard, protecting these men is very busy work.” Your voice betrays none of your feelings as you stand from the table, moving to the door where Zenos stands.

“So they are. Good night, Honey.” Elidibus grins, raising his wine glass to you.

“Good night.” You wave, stepping out the door into the hallway, Zenos close behind. It is quiet for a few moments as you do your best to casually look over your shoulder. He’s shrouded in shadow in the dark hallway, the blue glow of the moonlight softening his otherwise sharp features, though the way his crystal blue eyes catch the light, he still looks more beast than man. “Well. See you in the morning…” you trail off, giving him a little wave as you begin to walk away.

“And just where are you going?” He asks, amusement dancing alongside the venom in his voice.

“Oh, nowhere. I was just gonna...uh…” you suddenly blank on every other room that is in the direction of the kitchen. “...go out into the garden for awhile.” you lie.

He doesn’t buy it. “Oh? So eager to take a dip in the fountain again?” he taunts, his eyes predatory but there is a...different edge to them somehow. His steps to close the distance between you feel almost like a prowl, keeping you rooted there, unmoving.

“Hardly.” you scoff, crossing your arms across your chest. “What’s it to you anyway? I’m off duty as soon as we come in this house. You said so yourself. What I do on my own time is no business of yours.” you snarl, to which the Garlean looks somewhat unsettled for a brief moment before quiet fury rolls off him in waves.

“Perhaps it is so, my beast…” he purrs, still for but a moment until he pounces, your back against the closest wall, your wrists pinned beneath his hands. “You might think yourself only in my employ, but you require me for your survival...more than ever.” The way his voice drops brings your heart to a halt for a split second as fear shoots through you like lightning.

Does he know?

Pressing closer against you, he sighs, hair hanging in his face as he looms above you. “I don’t know what my father plans, but I am certain that after your stunt at the hospital he will stop at nothing to have you. This is the most I’ve ever denied him from taking what does not belong to him.” He pauses for a moment, creeping closer still. You are chest to chest now, bodies breathing in tandem in the quiet of the hallway.

“But whatever it is, you should fear it. I know little of my father aside from pain and apathy, and that he will stop at nothing to get what he wants. I’m also sure you don’t need me to tell you that Elidibus’ extended stay is also room for suspicion either.” His voice vibrates through your entire, physical being, his lips seeming just a hair’s breadth too close, and yet malms away at once. You can smell his scent up this close, something musky, something wild.

“Then what do you suppose I should do?” You ask, noticing how his gaze drops to your lips so fast that if you blinked you would’ve missed it.

As he smirks from this close, you realize how handsome he is. How much of him you do admire, from his brilliant teeth, to his pouty lips. His frigid, blue eyes that could spark like a blue flame under his ire. His skin, perfect like porcelain, smooth and unmarred in the moonlight, his hair shining like golden thread.

His hands that leave your wrists to steady themselves at your hips.

“Haven’t I told you before?” he asks, fingers flexing on the flesh of your hips, hinting at a different kind of strength.

“Remind me.” You whisper, searching his gaze for something. Anything.

He huffs out a chuckle, pulling you closer still.

“Be mine.”

#zenos #zenos yae galvus #FFXIV #ff14 #Final Fantasy XIV #THP

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