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#i told her earlier to not take it personal i just don't want to interact with irls in general
beesholmes · 1 year
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strangersteddierthings · 11 months
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What's Eight Plus Seven?
Part One🦇Part Two🦇Part Three🦇Part Four🦇Part Five
Pizza order successfully placed, Steve dials Robin's number next. He doesn't need to talk long, just... hear her voice. Maybe get some verbal support.
"Buckley residence."
"Thank God it's you," Steve sighs in relief to hear Robin's voice on the other end. There was a little bit of dread that her mom might have answered and then he'd be stuck on the phone while she tried to chat with him.
"Whoa. Was hosting the nerdfest that bad?" Robin asks, laughter in her voice.
"Uhh," Steve starts, because he's eloquent like that.
"Oh no. Was is that bad? What happened?"
He feels a flood of warmth for Robin's immediate concern. "No, no, nerdfest was fine. I, uhh, mostly I'm calling because Eddie and I are gonna, like, hang out and talk and I just- I dunno. Wanted to hear your voice, first."
"Oh. Really? Well. Here's my voice. This is you hearing it."
He laughs at that. "Thanks. It's just, I think it's gonna be, like, a bathroom floor kind of conversation, except in my living room on a couch."
"Oh! I can be there in ten if you need me."
"Nah. This is just- me needing to hear your voice, and also a warning that I might have to crawl through your window and fall apart on your bed later. Just don't know how this is going to go."
"I'm here if you need me. Are you going to talk about Freshman First Day?"
"We, uhh, already did. Mostly. There's been apologies and now we're gonna talk. Get to know each other. Play 20 questions, I guess."
Robin laughs at that. "Alright. Ask him if he's ever going to get me the sandwich he owes me from back in November."
"What?"
"You know, his whole cafeteria speech thing? Stepped right on my ham and cheese. It did make him slip and almost brain himself, and he did apologize. Told me he owed me a new sandwich. I never got it. Ask for me."
"We'll see. Okay, I'm going to go but, thank you. Love you."
"Love you, too. Window will be ajar."
Steve hangs up, then opens the fridge. He debates grabbing them beers but opts for soda. Back in the living room Steve finds Eddie sitting like a normal person on the couch, one leg bouncing relentlessly. Even with his superficial knowledge of Eddie, he can tell he's nervous. Not nervous Eddie would be perched on the back of his couch, ruining the cushions with whatever junk is on the bottom of his shoes. Probably.
"Soda?" Steve offers, plopping himself on the other end of the couch, hand outstretched for Eddie to take the beverage.
"Thanks." The bouncing of Eddie's leg pauses for a moment while he's opening and chugging half the can in one swift motion, then the bouncing starts again.
"Hey, man, relax. You didn't seem nearly as nervous when you were trying to sneakily hang out earlier."
Eddie lets out a big sigh. "Yeah, well, I didn't know you hated me then."
"I don't hate you."
"Oh, shit, no. Not what- I meant, like, past tense. Hated as in, used to hate. Not present tense."
"Ah. Well, I don't think I 'hated as in used to hate' past, like, three months into my freshman year. This is going to be the most self-absorbed shit ever, but, like, once I became popular, I couldn't be bothered to hate you. Didn't have the time to put towards that."
"Oh, of that I've no doubt. That was absolutely the read everyone who tried to interact with you got."
Steve ducks his head to hide his own embarrassment by fiddling with the can in his hands. "I thought you wanted to do, like, 20 questions or something."
"Oh. Serious? You'll do it?"
"Yeah."
"Right then. What even are the rules for 20 questions? Is it 20 questions each, or in total asked?"
"I dunno, man. I don't think people actually keep track. I think we just ask questions until we're done with talking. I guess the rules are don't lie, and if you don't want to answer a question, then don't. Pass on it, or whatever."
Eddie nods but he's still nervous, leg still bouncing. A look on his face so close to fear it makes Steve ache a little. He knows too well what far looks like on Eddie, experienced a week's worth of it.
Steve can start. Ease them into this. "Do you got a favorite color?"
Eddie shifts then. Turns sideways on the couch to lean against the armrest and face him. "Wait. One more rule. No mocking answers. You may laugh once at an answer."
"If you are about to tell me it's hot pink, I cannot follow that rule."
"It's not hot pink. Jesus. It's, uhh, brown, actually," Eddie says, rolling his can between his hands. "It used to be red but. I dunno. When I think of red, now, I think of the sky in the upside down and how that was almost the last thing I ever saw. I think of blood, and bleeding out."
And here he thought he was easing them into this with the most basic of questions. Eddie's already being vulnerable. "Follow up question, if you'll allow it. Why brown?"
"What's wrong with brown?"
"Nothing. Just thought you'd pick black or something," Steve gestures to all of Eddie.
At that, Eddie looks down at his mostly black outfit, the only part of it with any color is the DIO album art on his shirt, then back up. "Fair point. I guess brown just makes me think of home. The wooden porch, the paneling, brown dirt road that leads to the trailer. It's also, like, a good eye color. Exhibit A," He waves his hand in front of his face, batting his eyes exaggeratedly. It pulls a laugh from Steve.
"I can't argue that," Steve waves towards his face, where his own eyes have been described by many a girl as ranging from hazel to honey, but Steve just thinks of them as brown. "Your turn, man."
"You, tragically, had never heard of Ozzy before we met. What's your music of choice, and why is it the Top 40?"
"Like everybody didn't hear you singing along to I Wanna Dance With Somebody last week when it came on the radio at the Byers' Barbecue-"
"Whitney is a national treasure and I will not be slandered for knowing the words to any of her songs."
"Yeah, yeah. I guess it was just the Top 40, but really I don't have a preference. I just let other people pick the music. And, uhh, with the multiple concussions I don't listen to as much music as I used to. The migraines are brutal. It's never the music that brings on the migraine but like, it never helps, y'know?"
Eddie is nodding. "I do know. Like when you get sick and vomit, you avoid the last thing you ate, even when it turns out to be the flu and not food poisoning. Like, you know it wasn't the mango milkshake that made you throw up, but you avoid the mango flavor anyway."
There's definitely a full story in that somewhere. Maybe Steve will ask about it later. "Kinda? I don't avoid music but I don't think I've put a record or cassette in the player in months. Anyway, my turn. How'd you learn to play the guitar?"
"Wayne. He started teaching me before I live with him. Just a few chords when we'd visit every so often when I was little. Really got to learn after he took me in. I was eleven, if memory serves."
"Am I allowed to ask about your parents?" Steve interrupts.
"Yeah. Speaking of parents," Eddie's nervous again, bouncing his leg.
"It's your turn. Ask."
"I know the high school reputation. Big house, no parents. I might have even snuck over a few times to sale here when I knew a party was happening. Rich kids will pay whatever price you name, y'know? So, guess the actual question is, what's the deal there, with your parents?"
Steve would laugh except he has no memory of ever seeing Eddie at his house prior to all the fuckery that's gone down. He was too in his own head to bother with other people back then. And the real kicker? He probably bought from Eddie, at his own house, with his supposed grudge and all. God, he was such a dick. "Yeah. Lots of business trips, for them. The used to ship me off to spend a month with my grandparents when I was little, so they could take those trips. Guess once I was old enough to watch after myself, those trips started to happen whenever, instead of just over summer."
"What, they left you here alone as a kid? Even during the school year?"
Eddie sounds so scandalized it'd be funny if it wasn't so sad. Steve says, "I wouldn't say kid. I was fourteen, so, like, a teenager. But, yeah, gone a lot. More and more with each passing year. I mean, they've been back, but like, for a day or two. Mom switching out what jewelry she wanted and dad bit by bit emptying his office." He pauses with a frown, remembering now the last time he did see his parents face to face. "It was about halfway through senior year. The last time they were here. They didn't even come to my graduation."
Eddie sucks in a breath and Steve can visibly see him hold back some choice words.
"Anyway, long sob story short, I'm still just a rich kid with absent parents. They don't charge me rent or anything, but I pay to keep the lights on."
"That just adds so many more questions to my list."
"Well, it's my turn now, so. What got you into Dungeons and Dragons?"
Eddie looks surprised, and then guilty. "I've always liked fantasy. And, uhh, my Freshman First Day, the DnD booth was set up in the cafeteria, an okayish looking dragon drawn on the poster taped to the booth's edge. And, uh, I approached..."
"No one told you to fuck off?"
"I didn't tell you to fuck off."
"Might've hurt less if you had," Steve hadn't even meant that to be insulting, or insinuating, but it doesn't land. He'd been aiming for teasing and missed the mark, given the way Eddie jerks back, like he's trying to put more distance between them. "Oh, shit, Eddie, I didn't mean- I was-"
The doorbell rings out and both jump, turning to the front door like it might bite them. The bell chimes again, and it's then Steve remembers he ordered pizza. Wordlessly Steve gets up and deals with that. Pays for the pizza and gives a tip, stops in the kitchen long enough to grab some napkins, then folds himself back onto the couch, placing the pizza box on the cushions between them.
The time away from the couch, less than three minutes in total, Steve thinks, was enough to calm Eddie again, since he starts the teasing, "greasy pizza box directly onto the cushions! That'll never come out you know."
Steve shrugs and grins, flipping the box open to grab a pizza slice. "That's a problem for Future Steve."
Eddie grabs his own slice, and they just eat their first slices in silence before Steve breaks that, "I really wasn't trying to- earlier, I was trying to joke. About Freshman First Day. Not, uh, not like, pick a fight. So, if you still want to talk, I think it's your turn to ask a question. Any question. A big question."
"Alright. A big one. Who is Christopher?"
"Okay. Uh, just, give me a moment. I'll answer and I'm gonna be real honest right now with you, so just let me get through this, ok?"
Eddie nods, reaching for a second slice of pizza.
Steve gathers his thoughts, and speaks. "Christopher was my cousin. His family lives in Washington, so I don't see them much. You know that 'shipped off to the grandparents' thing I told you about earlier? Christopher, and his younger siblings, Amber and Robert, also came out to visit.
"I think my grandparents loved to have us all there. My cousins were there for family time, and I was there to just... not be in my parent's way, I think, but the reason why doesn't matter. The important bit. Christopher was two years older than me, and I thought he was the coolest person in the world. I wanted to be just like him. That last summer we spent together, he told me all about the game of Dungeons and Dragons he'd played with his club at school.
"It made me want to play. I was a kid who loved fantasy, too. I had to pretend to leave that behind when I got into middle school; too afraid of disappointing my dad for still liking make believe. I didn't know at the time that making him proud was just something I'd never achieve.
"Anyway, Christopher introduced me to the game, told me the entire campaign they'd run at his school, and then sent me those books. He's the reason I was at the booth that day. If Christopher could play sports and be a nerd, maybe I could, too? But, uh, that didn't go how I planned in my head. And, then. Then," Steve stops here, a knot in his throat but his eyes dry. It's not that he doesn't still mourn the loss of Christopher, it's just that the tears have dried up long ago. "Christopher committed suicide, that year. Halfway through the school year. I think... I think even if I had joined your club, if you had let me take that flier, I would have dropped out after the funeral. I'd wanted to join so bad so that Christopher would be proud of me."
The room has lost focus, now. Steve is staring forward but he doesn't really see Eddie anymore. It's like he's fallen into his thoughts and nothing else exists anymore. "It's a bit fucked up, but being older than me, I think I looked for approval in him that I didn't find in my dad, or maybe I wanted to be him because his parents were so proud of everything he did and I wanted that. Approval. I- it's- I think I used to confuse the two. Approval and love. Maybe I still do? I dunno.
"I guess I just wrapped all that up, the need for approval, Christopher's suicide, my love for fantasy, and shoved it in the same bottle deep down that I kept my anger at you in," Steve blinks himself back into the present. Takes in Eddie's face, a mix of sad and fond, like he wants to wrap Steve in a hug. Steve would probably let him. "That wasn't fair to you. I'm sorry."
Eddie shakes his head no. "You don't have to apologize to me, Stevie. I get it. You wore your jockness that same way I wear The Freak. Like armor. You weren't wrong, earlier, when you said we were dumb kids who learned to lash out and hurt first, so we couldn't be hurt. I was fucking, no, I am still like that. I mean, I just lashed back out at you when all you did was point out how I'd acted to you."
"Yeah, well, life gives everyone a shit hand sometimes. I used to capitalize on that. Kick people when they were down. It's- it's humbling and, like, awful, to unpack that. I know I'm still working on it, but I didn't have to do it alone. Robin and Dustin have been there for me. Great. They call me on my bullshit and it's easier to take then, hearing it from people I know who care about me."
"Guess I better ask find someone to call me out then."
"Haven't you already?" Steve asks, gesturing to himself.
Eddie barks a laugh. "I- yeah, I guess. You sayin' you care, Harrington?"
"Of course I do, man. We wouldn't be doing this -talking about deep shit and getting pizza grease all over my couch- if I didn't."
He watches Eddie turn red, and hide behind his hair. "Could just be doing it for the kids."
"I could. Guess you'll have to trust I'm not. That I also want a do over."
Eddie shoots him a big smile, dimples on full display, and Steve's happy to let go of his grudge if it means Eddie will smile at him like that more.
-
((Looks like there's going to be one more part. Thought this would be the last one but the boys wouldn't cooperate so next part.))
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memes-saved-me · 1 year
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Was Billy (accidentally) written as Steve's next love interest - a Meta
This is far from thought out and more thoughts thrown into a post. This is for fun and an over analysis by someone who did 4 years of media studies and has a major bias so don't take it personally
From the moment of Billy's introduction in season 2 he is put in the background of Steve and Nancy's relationship, even from his very first scene where in which he literally pulls Steve's attention from Nancy just after they have a moment in the car. A moment that takes on a completely different tone once you know Nancy is in fact in love with Jonathan not Steve.
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It makes sense for Steve to react to Billy's entrance. Half of Billy's plot is Steve but what is more interesting and doesn't really make sense is that the camera then changes focus to Nancy and stays on her even in the next shot with Steve as an after thought in the background. Her reaction isn't the same either. Steve is somewhat curious but Nancy seems more concerned about whoever the car belongs to. Nancy and Billy never have a single conversation. Ever. So why have her reaction to him be so important to his first ever scene?
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This could be read as an indication of a threat to their relationship being shown not told just yet. If Billy was a female character who stepped out of the car in the exact same manner it would be fully done to show her (Billy) as a threat to Nancy's relationship with Steve but since Billy is male it is not. Even then I find showing Nancy a very strange choice.
However, it does lead us into the next example of how strange this entire set up is. When Billy finally approaches Steve at the party, Nancy walks away looking hurt? Which does not add up in the slightest. She should be annoyed but instead she walks away to start drinking. Again if Billy was a girl this would be read as her (Billy) trying to not only intimidate Steve but also Nancy. Which this scene implies but makes no sense because Billy doesn't even look at her.
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Nancy then starts to drink heavily to mock and get back at Steve for wanting to come to the party in the first place. Something a jealous upset girlfriend would do in any teen movie if another girl had approached her boyfriend, not if a random teenage boy had. This then leads to their big fight when she pretty much dumps him in the bathroom and Steve storms off upset, mirroring this scene from earlier in the episode. Which only reinforces the Nancy being upset not angry aspect.
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Billy's entrance to the show leads to their break up. The domino effect of events makes it so. Would Nancy have started drinking if Billy hadn't approached Steve? Maybe, but we don't know anything except what we are shown by the narrative and the narrative has shown us that Billy is the reason she does. A very strange set up considering this is the last interaction they have until season 3 when she tries to shoot him...
The next day we are shown the iconic homoerotic basketball scene and towards the end we see Nancy walk into the room but Steve doesn't notice as he's too distracted by Billy who is at this point is literally waging his tongue at him. They position Steve in-between the two of them just like at the Halloween party as if he needs to make a choice.
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Nancy has to call out for him to see her and he then follows her outside to talk. Said talk does not go so well for her and this time it is Steve who dumps her because she doesn't remember what happened the night before. As I mentioned Steve has a choice to make and unlike at Tina's party when he leaves Billy to run after Nancy, he leaves Nancy to go back inside for Billy after being called for by a member of his team. As if he has narratively made his choice as he doesn't chase after Nancy at all for the rest of the season and accepts their relationship is over.
If you take all of this into a count and then imagine Billy as a female character it would be insane to not picture them in a future relationship from a narrative point of view. The common literature tropes and framing of the set up is so clear that if Billy was a girl her and Steve would have been making out half way through the season or even after gym class (I know they are split by gender humour me). With the added somehow unintentional homoerotism of Billy and Steve's dynamic it only adds to the fact that some of the choices made for their relationship/rivalry build up is so strange.
Please add anything I've missed or forgotten because this drives me insane from a writing and media analysis point of view.
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Some Damian Wayne headcanon
This is my personal vision, I came to this conclusion since Damian is always running ahead, waking up earlier than Bruce for patrols, running to a pet and stuff . Please respect
Damian is (contrary to popular belief) a child with a lot A LOT of energy (do you really think this boy could survive the league if he is lazy? Wrong! Think again) and in the start this was a pain for Bruce's old bones (he become Robin just because Bruce doesn't know what to do with this boy energy)
Dick was the first to notice this. As Robin, Damian never stopped, training, running, playing with his pets. The realization came one night on patrol, Damian was dangling his feet while eating, noticing this Dick tried to remember when he saw this boy stay-still and the thought led to another
and being friends with a speedster made him know how to handle all of Damian's energy easily. Dick took Damian to the arcade, directing Damian's energy into toys and video games and still come out as the best brother in the world, win-win
Dick never told anyone and let everyone figure it out for themselves (he is a little shit)
Every single one realize it out in some point and in the most weird/terrible/inconvenient/normal way possible (the situation varies a lot depending on the person)
Bruce and Tim are the last one to find out
Bruce, actually refuse to believe it in the start ("my children are fine" parent meme), but after he seeing Damian and Jon's interaction he remembers the strange conversation Babs had with him a few nights ago about Damian, he regrets not listening to her sooner, but doesn't admit he was wrong ("Damian is fine" "fuck you")
Tim is the last of them all to notice, it hits him like a brick that Steph threw at him once. He only noticed it when Damian was 14 and, just like Dick, it was because of something silly and harmless, they were in a boat and Damian was impatient, Tim told Damian to calm down as there was nothing to be nervous about, and Damian just said "I can't"
This made Tim try to think of something to try to calm him down until he realized with quick reasoning that even though Damian was a stoic child, he was not someone who stays still
this leaves Tim with a bittersweet taste in his mouth, how did he miss this? and just from his younger brother!
Determined to deal with this Tim holds an emergency meeting with the others, which leads to more resentment as no one is surprised by the news (Tim even sees Jason and Steph giving Dick money - sometimes Tim hates his brothers)
"Listen, replacement, we all here know that this boy has a lot of energy and needs to spend it on something or he disappears into the world, so take him on some patrol, make him jump around some buildings and then sit down to eat, do this regularly and he and you will be fine" - Jason
"Took him to arcade or dog park is also helps a lot too" - Steph "Just let him use his energy on some activity first and then talk to him while he eats or rests, often you don't even need to do anything on patrol, just talk to him when he sits next to you after"
"Are you telling me I could have been on good terms with Damian all this time? And you all know how and never told me?" - Tim
"Oh Timbo, you're a stalker, we thought you would realize it sooner" - Dick is a smug bastard
Some days Tim hates his brothers
Also Damian has received enough training to learn to control himself, to hold himself in place even when he doesn't want to, but he prefers not to do that only if the reward is extremely good
Some batkid headcanon: Damian || Duke || Cassandra || Stephanie || Tim || Jason || Dick
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mynonclicheblog · 11 months
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One final Never Have I Ever love triangle thematic analysis
I've said this in one of my posts before, but the narrative is always going to favor what is best for Devi. A lot of what makes this show so juicy to dive into is because so much of its meaning is rooted in symbolism and higher concepts, not just the individual interactions you're looking at onscreen!
I think that's what doesn't work for some (not all) pro-Dxton anti-Ben folks. They see Paxton being respectful and kind to Devi, they see that he's the attractive object of her desire from day 1, and they see that the two of them genuinely do help each other in certain ways. But when these same people look at Benvi, they only see Ben making obnoxious comments to Devi (+ others), they see childish behavior and mistakes being made, and they see them frequently butting heads due to their shared competitive nature.
And honestly? I get it. These conclusions are easy to come to when you're looking at the surface, but they don't take into account the full story that's being told.
Let's get into it. 😎👇
So I mentioned earlier the idea of what is best for Devi. Not what is best for any regular person out there -- what is best for Devi Vishwakumar! Our girl expresses in no uncertain terms that she enjoys her hypercompetitive rivalry-turned-bond with Ben ("Ben's smart and we talk- mostly argue- for hours!" // "I don't want to break up with Ben. He really pushes me.") The fact that they fight and compete is not a detriment to their compatibility, it is actually the thing that makes him most desirable in her mind. She would not have wanted to be with him in the first place if this were not true. Their sharp-tongued communication style may not be the standard picture of a 'healthy' relationship for most people, but, well. Devi and Ben are far from most people.
Devi is an incredibly emotional, dynamic person who's always searching for another high. The competitive nature of her relationship with Ben is enough to satisfy her itch for novelty/excitement (her differences with Paxton don't hit this box), yet Ben's presence also provides a comforting long-term consistency in her life. He's seen the very best and the very worst of her and he always comes back. He frequently brings Devi back to herself, too, when she loses sight of what matters (friendships, family, sense of self, her goals, etc).
Then there's the dream vs. reality dichotomy that very much applies to this love triangle. Simple as it may be, it's accurate. I believe it was built that way on purpose because of how well it reflects Devi's relationships to Mohan and Nalini, which is the beating heart of what NHIE is all about. One (Mo/Pax) is more outwardly palatable than the other and provides an easygoing, self-soothing escapism that she needs in order to work through her grief. This person represents youth and the rose-colored past; Devi's tendency to idealize and indulge. The other person (Nal/Ben) is sharper around the edges, a bit harder to swallow, but pushes Devi to do better and supplies the support she needs. This person represents Devi's grounded reality; her time in the present and the woman she is growing into.
They are both important pieces of Devi's journey, but the themes of past vs. present speak for themselves. The past is something we keep in our heart; in this case, it's someone who has impacted us and we'll always carry with us -- but the ultimate goal is to move forward from that. The central relationship of Never Have I Ever is that of Devi & Nalini as they heal and grow together. In terms of Devi's romantic life (which is what this analysis is about), her relationship with Ben is the one that more closely shadows the series arc between her & Nalini.
I'd like to address some things by the individual season now. One of my observations watching s1 for the first time was that Paxton was usually aligned with bad things in Devi's life, whereas Ben was aligned with the good. ie, Paxton was the root cause of Devi's falling out with Elfab and Nalini // Ben is the one who repaired those relationships. These things aren't Paxton's fault, nor do I place any blame on him. They're just subtle narrative choices that send up unspoken flags saying, hey look, this isn't the right person for her. This theme remained in s1 for the most part, but given that it was NHIE's debut season, it planted several seeds for me about who the boys were for Devi and how they fit into her world.
Season 2 does a lot to sort out the difference in what Devi thinks she wants (Paxton) and what her heart truly wants (Ben). Yes, I'm going there, too: head vs heart. Devi's underlying preference for Ben > Paxton should be easy to spot as early as 2x01 -- if only for the fact that Devi finally bagged the hot guy of her dreams, yet, choosing to be with him isn't easy for her. In fact, as both Devi and Eleanor confirm later, she wanted to choose Ben in the first place. Like... that's crazy when you think about it!!! Despite all the pieces falling into place for her and Paxton, and against her friends' shallow advice, she decides that she won't let go of Ben. Instead, she makes the misguided decision to date both. This isn't the kind of mistake she'll ever make again. It isn't Devi acting out because of Ben -- it signals a profound attachment to him when, all things considered, picking Paxton should have been a no brainer. That revealed everything I needed to know in order to understand that being with Paxton wasn't what she wanted in her heart of hearts.
Then, of course, 3x10 brings that all home with the stomach knots comparison. It tells us that since Devi and Paxton have moved into a place of friendship, with him no longer on a pedestal, those romantic feelings (particularly on her part) have dissipated. As a bonus, Devi even explicitly states that Paxton was a dream! Ben, however -- her flawed reality -- is the one who still gives her butterflies. This is the result of Devi's slow awakening to her true inner self, the Devi who values realness and authenticity and loving through imperfection. It's a step closer to the complete acceptance of herself. (Notice as well that right after this point, it becomes more undeniable than ever that Ben is who she wants to be with.)
As long as Paxton was a romantic possibility for Devi, their relationship was tied to her feelings of insecurity and inferiority. Again this is not Paxton's fault -- he assures her of the opposite all the time -- but this is Devi's story, and we are shown over and over that Devi fears true vulnerability with Paxton (both sexually and emotionally). Compare this to the way she has always felt confident, seen, driven, and unabashedly herself in her relationship with Ben, even when they were enemies. At a glance Devi may appear to act more immature in Ben's orbit, but the truth is that she grows with him more than anyone else (besides Nalini) thanks to Ben's penchant for encouraging accountability and showing her that actions can have consequences.
Anyway, TLDR version:
Paxton = Devi's youth, Mohan, grief, distraction, the past, idealism, and the head (constructed ideas).
Ben = Devi's future, Nalini, healing, confrontation, the present, reality, and the heart (authentic truths).
Never Have I Ever's romantic story structure rests on the premise of these symbolic definitions. They are gospel, and while the characters will grow and change and become better versions of themselves, they will do so within the lines that are already drawn. The lines exist for a reason -- they are a narrative tool! These characters cannot and should not 'grow out' of their roles because those roles are their identities within the show's framework. Character development isn't getting wasted, because the characters are exactly who they are meant to be right through to the end. They are symbols. If that's not your cup of tea then so be it! But there's nothing wrong with this writing style. In fact it's one of my personal favorites because everything is so neatly defined, yet fascinating to read into 🥰
The imperfect Ben had to be Devi's true love because her love interests are, in a way, reflections of herself. By no fault of his own, Devi always felt the need to be "perfect" for Paxton because that's how she viewed him; a false paragon of everything she wanted to be. That is the point of their story together. Her acceptance of the deep love she has for Ben (and Nalini!), despite his sometimes off-putting demeanor, is aligned with Devi's acceptance of her own imperfections -- that she is hot-headed, she can be self-absorbed, she makes mistakes -- but that she is also brilliant and driven and caring and radiant, and she is equally worthy of receiving the love that she has to offer others.
Narratively speaking, it was never truly a competition.
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weirdmageddon · 7 months
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long mediation on jade and dave’s relationship - part 2
part 1 is here
this part is essentially about dave and jade’s personalities, their basic dynamic, and how it works. and addressing some things ive seen said about dave in moments that people remove from context because they dont weigh these contexts and prior ones. if you want a post that goes into dave’s attitude towards jade (conclusion: he cares about her a lot) here it is
part 2: switcheroo + misconceptions about dave's role in dave and jade's relationship
something interesting i realized while writing this is the thing about grimbark jade is that she is no nonsense when her normal self is all about nonsense and entertaining silly things because she can see the merit in them. in fact she is always having a chuckle caused by dave's sense of humor and im sure dave got used to interacting with jade like that so wtf with grimbark jade
EB: so i think i have to get TG to use his copy to save her! EB: but that jackass won't shut up and stop rapping and stuff. GG: hahaha GG: he is so silly! (p.293)
TG: snows a big chilly carpet of nobody gives a shit TG: like old man winter spread around his nasty mayonnaise and turned the landscape into his personal asshole sandwich GG: eww dave no TG: when i look around all i see is the miles of unharnessed snowmen im just too damn cool to build GG: no this is so lame GG: i am hearing an insane and stupid guy say stupid idiot things while wearing dumb sunglasses for lame morons! TG: whoa jade with the fucking haymaker TG: i need to go look for my teeth on the canvas as soon as shit stops spinning and there stops being like ten of you GG: heheheh GG: why dont we play in the snow later (p.3024)
GG: i cant get over how tiny this thing is! GG: its so cute GG: so the baby frogs show up on this pad here? GA: Yes GG: i cant wait to try it GA: What Are You Laughing At There GG: oh GG: lol GG: dave just has a lot of funny stuff to say about all this GA: What Is He Saying GG: oh you know, a bunch of silly stuff GG: theres too much to copy/paste! GA: Hmm GG: here ill save it all to a file and send it to you -- gardenGnostic [GG] sent grimAuxiliatrix [GA] the file "daveisafunnyguy.txt" -- GA: Okay Im Laughing Pretty Hard At All That GG: hahaha (p.3312)
JADE: *snicker* JOHN: what? JADE: nothing JOHN: is someone messaging you through the game? JADE: hehe JOHN: who is it? JADE: pffff! JOHN: dammit, jade... JADE: its davesprite, hes playing too JOHN: oh. JOHN: don't tell him any of our strategies. he is the enemy! JADE: we have strategies? JOHN: um... JOHN: ok, first, tell him we have strategies. then, don't tell him them. JADE: hahahahahahaha JOHN: oh god. JOHN: what is it now? JADE: did you know... JADE: davesprite is a funny guy? JOHN: meh, he's alright i guess. JOHN: i give most of his jokes a passing grade. sometimes as high as a solid b+! JADE: i just told him you said that JADE: davesprite says to tell you "youre basically welcome for being born 14 years ago and 1 year ago you ungrateful douche" JOHN: oh, like him taking credit for my existence isn't so old by now! (p.4732)
in a way i feel like their roles parallel dave and jade in the earlier acts from homestuck, but inverted (and twisted/not as nice cause grimbark jade is under nefarious influences)
dave approaches the world from a highly pragmatic position. his ego (in the purely psychoanalytical sense) that he holds himself to, shows to the world, and what he tends to reason through is one that’s about relaxed competence. he’s critical of unreasonable actions and takes it upon himself to guide others into being more efficient in practical, realistic ways. he sees that jade struggles in these initially but she readily accepts his help, which is more than glad to provide.
this doesn’t say anything bad about jade harley. this doesn’t make her stupid, or in need the saving from a knight in shining armor nor does it make dave condescending towards her. it’s information that he is able to provide and that she appreciates and trusts his assistance with while she sees through the things that she prioritizes like helping others with matters of hidden opportunities / the big picture and interpersonal needs which are completely out of dave’s league, something he highly respects but doesnt feel its his greatest asset towards other people like jade does. jade is very into science and gadgetry, but remember that she relies heavily on her sharp intuition rather than straight up pragmatism like dave would. jade really is exceptional and multitalented but she doesn’t know how she does the things she does half the time!
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(p.790)
even though dave acknowledges this it doesn’t really bother him
TG: hey TG: oh TG: youre asleep again arent you TG: or do you even know if you are TG: i still dont know how that works TG: its like nothing means anything TG: its so cool getting hella chumped by your coquettish damn riddles all the time TG: i dont know why i believe anything you say im like the grand marshal of gross chumpage (p.829)
GG: i want to tell him happy birthday and ask him about his birthday package! TG: oh yeah TG: i was being sort of cagey and told him to check the mail cause i was wondering if mine came yet GG: i think it did! TG: yeah? GG: and i think mine came too TG: so uh TG: i guess you want to know if he likes it or something? GG: no!!!!!!! GG: he will not open it GG: he will lose it!!! TG: oh TG: uh TG: wow sorry to hear that i guess? GG: no its good actually! GG: because he will find it again later when he really needs it GG: which of course is why i sent it in the first place! TG: see like TG: i never get how you know these things GG: i dont know GG: i just know that i know! TG: hmm alright (p.382)
TT: Jade is connected with you? TT: Where did she get the discs? TG: i dont know how does she do any of the loopy batshit nonsense she does (p.1401)
but because she’s gotten by on intuition and her dreams for most things, she’s not as adapted to the rationale behind actions. dave can sense her struggling and wants to help because it’s basically his mission for everyone, not just jade. but that’s the information that jade is glad to be led by and continues to unconsciously prompt him with. she encourages his practical ways and doesn’t tell him to fuck off or just straight up ignore his advice which dave interprets as his strengths being needed by someone else
GG: dave! GG: are you busy? GG: i dont have much time! GG: i am about to make my entry item, and its a little confusing GG: i think the more players we add, the trickier they are to... um...... GG: activate! GG: like yours was GG: i figured we could brainstorm about it, while john fusses with the kernel GG: helloooooo? TG: nak nak nak GG: :o (p.2907)
TG: yeah honestly i figured wed have to do something like this TG: so i guess here we are doing it GG: doing what?? TG: well youre my server player remember GG: yes TG: i need you to deploy something first TG: in my apartment TG: in a few hours ill go back there and we can continue this GG: oh jeez, a few hours???? -- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] -- -- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] -- TG: yeah TG: as in a few seconds TG: im back at my place now GG: fastest hours :o TG: yeah TG: now TG: deploy the intellibeam laserstation GG: but that costs so much grist!!! TG: no it costs practically nothing TG: check out how much ive got GG: omg... GG: what does this thing do? TG: its mostly pretty stupid and useless TG: but itll come in handy here TG: it reads captcha codes GG: on the back of cards? TG: yeah GG: but GG: we can already read those! TG: some are too garbled and complicated TG: the human eye cant decipher them TG: needs sophisticated scanning technology TG: and artificial intelligence to figure it out GG: hmm GG: but isnt the whole point of captchas that only humans can read them? GG: and not robots??? TG: yeah well TG: thats why this is so dumb (p.3025 / 3026)
TG: thisll be the disc i use for your connection TG: while the original will stay bound to roses connection GG: so you will be the server for BOTH us ladies??? GG: you just keep getting smoother, i cant handle all this smoothness TG: well technically TG: i will be your server TG: and past me will stay as roses server TG: which is to say present me will TG: the one in the black suit GG: ohh... GG: i guess that makes sense TG: he can keep managing her for a while TG: until she sorta checks out soon and becomes totally useless TG: then he can start hopping around time like i did TG: make a ton of money and stuff TG: eventually become me TG: and become your server player GG: ok i think i understand that! TG: yeah see its not hard to get the hang of TG: in the meantime ill kind of loiter around this timeframe to help you out for a while GG: yessss thanks dave <3
TG: im just going to cut right to the chase and upgrade your alchemiter so you can avoid a lot of bullshit TG: ill give you some codes and you can punch cards and slip em into jumper blocks GG: yaaaaaaaaaaaay! (p.3030 - 3032)
jade has strengths that dave has weaknesses in too, which dave himself points out!!!
TG: ok so TG: the egg is now in a nest made of shitty swords and soft puppet ass TG: please advise GG: i think your sprite wants to hatch it! GG: awww TG: do you think thatll take more than four hours GG: hmm... GG: i dont know it looks like its pretty warm where you are TG: its hot as the sizzle side of the steak GG: maybe not too long then???? GG: i guess we'll find out! TG: maybe i should try to get it back TG: and put it in the microwave GG: :( (p.1507)
dave assumed the egg needed to be heated to break and allow him to enter the game, so his course of action is to go up there and get it himself and use whatever means are at his disposal. that is a logical, straightforward thing to do. he doesnt rely on uncertainty and blind trust that things will just work out when he has the ability to take action in a way that makes sense; that’s jade’s thing. but it turns out jade’s intuition for how to solve dave’s entry puzzle was right! it was actually a test of patience. he later says this to jade
GG: you guys are all so much better than me, i feel sooooo lame TG: we all start out somewhere TG: remember how i was scrambling up that tower to get that egg like an idiot TG: what the hell was i doing TG: i was like goddamn pooh bear in a tree reaching up his fat fuckin pooh paw for some mother fuckin honey GG: heehee TG: so even though im awesome now at one point i was plausibly likened to an autistic stuffed animal TG: and you even knew what to do TG: you told me how it worked all christopher robinning my ignorant ass about that egg TG: but i was all like IM A LITTLE BLACK RAIN CLOUD BITCH WATCH ME CLIMB TG: so maybe youre startin out with more sense than me GG: maaaybe GG: :) (p.3025)
hes pretty much like jade's hypeman but in his own sort of lowkey way and is actually sweetly reassuring to her. this includes davesprite btw
GG: those stupid things are impossible to kill :( TG: no you can kill them TG: youll get better dont worry (p.3024)
GG: hmmmm... GG: i dont know if i get that but ok! TG: well yeah TG: my thing is time yours is space TG: pretty different things TG: you GET things about space i dont TG: or you will GG: i will? TG: yup (p.3024)
DAVESPRITE: as a sprite im supposed to help him with his quest JADESPRITE: oh yeah JADESPRITE: im supposed to help jade too, but...... JADESPRITE: *sniffle* DAVESPRITE: shes doing alright dont worry about it JADESPRITE: ok, ill try... JADESPRITE: shes a lot more brave than me i think JADESPRITE: she brought me back thinking i could help her and all i did was disappoint her and everyone else JADESPRITE: you came back as a sprite and youre managing to do important things... JADESPRITE: but i just feel so scared and helpless DAVESPRITE: sounds like you came back because jade made the decision for you DAVESPRITE: i made the decision to come back myself maybe itd be different if you had the same chance JADESPRITE: i dont know if i would have if i had the chance JADESPRITE: but i would like to not feel so useless to everybody DAVESPRITE: i think everyones on top of this DAVESPRITE: theres not much for us to do anymore (p.3927)
DAVESPRITE: so jade must have done something right DAVESPRITE: to wake her up and get the forge going DAVESPRITE: dont know what she did though JADESPRITE: probably something amazing JADESPRITE: she is still working so hard to help everyone JADESPRITE: i guess i used to be that way... JADESPRITE: but ive completely forgotten how DAVESPRITE: are you sure (p.3945)
JADESPRITE: it reminds me of when i died JADESPRITE: and i was trying to wake john up JADESPRITE: i was scared then too JADESPRITE: but i didnt let the fear stop me from trying to save him DAVESPRITE: what would you want to do DAVESPRITE: if you werent scared JADESPRITE: i have no idea JADESPRITE: i guess try to help JADESPRITE: what is there to do? DAVESPRITE: well DAVESPRITE: i was going to bring this sword to dave JADESPRITE: oh noo JADESPRITE: does that mean youre going to leave? DAVESPRITE: no DAVESPRITE: i was gonna say DAVESPRITE: im not in any shape for more adventuring DAVESPRITE: i figure this is probably my last stop JADESPRITE: :( DAVESPRITE: but maybe this is a way you can help JADESPRITE: you mean... JADESPRITE: that i should give him the sword? DAVESPRITE: if you want JADESPRITE: but i dont want to leave you here either DAVESPRITE: maybe you dont have to actually go anywhere DAVESPRITE: you oughta have a lot of special powers remember DAVESPRITE: because of ascending to doghood JADESPRITE: oh yeah! DAVESPRITE: try doing your spacey thing DAVESPRITE: i mean not to sound condescending or anything but its got to be like borderline omnipotence pretty much DAVESPRITE: just put your mind to it (p.3946)
knowing all of this about dave and jade’s personalities and how they work together, i’ve see people get on dave’s case about making jade slap herself in the face after she put the dead bird into his kernelsprite while he was preoccupied with taking a leak
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dave freaks the hell out when he realizes she’s asleep; he needs to wake her up because she needs to help him get into the game while requires pragmatism and reasonable actions so that he’s not crushed to death by an imminent meteor. or falling plumbing fixtures. the goal wasn’t to show her who’s in control or whatever or to be mean (do people seriously think he would do that to be mean to her just to slap a girl?) it was strictly to wake her up since he has no means of influencing that besides getting creative
while asleep, jade doesn’t think logically and certainty not to the extent dave needs her to be right now. she’s scattered lalalalala and can forget about limitations or consequences in the real world and also has a short memory span while dreaming: e.g. “4 hours until what?” and she put something into the kernelsprite right after dave asked her not to because she forgor </3 and jade does acknowledge this about her dreaming self btw
GG: i mean, i only talked to you when i was asleep! i am kind of different when im dreaming... GG: i forget things, and at times im not totally sure whats real GG: dont you remember thats what its like to dream on prospit? (p.3056)
dave literally says “we need to wake you up youre not very logical like this” and he does apologize about making her dreambot wake-up slap her
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i also see people say that dave thought of jade as helpless and he needs to be the hero and that's why "davejade is not good actually"
TG: but ok i mean isnt that what heroes should be doing TG: working to take down the bad guy without a whole lot of this fuckin grandiloquence and these huge sweeping plans that got nothin to do with fighting him TG: like always biding our time and tiptoeing around the unbeatable god boss TG: johns too nice to get mad TG: rose spends all her time calculating TG: too focused on machiavellian ploys of sabotage to try anything drastic TG: jade is TG: i dont even know TG: probably more a liability if she got it in her head to take him down TG: if anything id bet she just needs protection GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU S4Y1NG H3R3 D4V3, 1N TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON TH4T 1S ST1LL B31NG 4BOUT YOU TG: im just wondering TG: when does someone actually step up TG: jacks got shit to pay for (p.3703)
this minor thread gets followed up on in the pesterlog where jade contacts dave and eventually she concludes jack needs to be stopped and dave's like ... "oh shit" in his head. "oh shit" as in jade's got Game good for her go jade, "oh shit" as in she's going to be ripe for the stabbing cause the idea is in her head now, and "oh shit" as in this moment is the seed of why im going to have to rehearse jade accidentally killing me over and over and i cant tell her about it. due to this he is always fated to die in the alpha timeline both standing up to jack and to protect jade. it's woven into his story. but he was wrong about everyone else also! which i dont see brought up when that quote is used? rose does something drastic (pilots the moon into the furthest ring) and john gets mad (on the ship) and jade is the opposite of needing protection (she’s the only one jack won’t stab and also she ends up so fucking OP she has to be basically written out of act 6) so it's less a thing about jade specifically but to show that in hindsight dave was wrong about ALL his friends. which is an interesting discussion to be had about him in itself, but not now. this is the most sane and well-thought out interpretation of it ive seen
"In general, though, I think Dave has a tendency not uncommon to [thirteen] year olds (or… humans in general, if we’re being honest here) to cast everyone else as a player in his own story and characterize them in ways that fit what he wants. There’s the famous chunk where he says John never gets angry, Rose will never stop scheming long enough to take action, and Jade’s a liability, only to be proven wrong in every count. That fits his understanding of these people and his ideal relationship with them - friend, actor, protector, the one in the group who can be the hero." "Yes, I think Dave probably saw Jade as the most supportive and least judgmental friend. I’m not sure if that impacted his incorrect judgment of her since that’s kind of a pattern for him in general, but I guess it could’ve."
and also putting this solely on dave is kind of ... ehhhhh? because john says the same thing about jade but i don't see anyone getting on his case for it.
CG: SHE AND DAVE RAN INTO JACK, WHICH I'M SURE HE MUST HAVE SAW COMING BECAUSE I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE EXPLOIT TIME TRAVEL SO SHAMELESSLY AS HIM, NOT EVEN ARADIA. CG: SO SHE AND DAVE FOUGHT WITH HIM A WHILE, AND LONG STORY SHORT, HE DIED. EB: what!!! CG: BUT IT'S FINE, I GUESS THAT WAS HIS PLAN, LIKE SOME BIZARRE USELESS LAST STAND, EVEN IF HE DIDN'T TELL JADE WHO WAS PRETTY FREAKED OUT UNTIL I TALKED HER THROUGH IT. CG: JADE SAYS SHE HAS THIS FIGURED OUT, AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DO MUCH BUT TRUST HER. CG: THE POINT IS, SHE'S ALL BOOKED UP, AND ALL TOO MORTAL. SO SHE WON'T BE DELIVERING THE BOMB, AND NEITHER WILL YOU. EB: ok, well what about this. EB: since she is mortal, and i am not (sort of), and i don't need to do the scratch for a while, can i go help her? EB: maybe she could use some protection? maybe that is what dave was just trying to do, when he temporarily died. EB: remember, jack is still on the loose! he has killed rose and dave once, and me twice. CG: NO NO NO NO NO NO. CG: SWEET BLEEDING JEGUS, EGBERT, YOU KEEP BRAGGING ABOUT YOUR IMMORTALITY, AND THEN BRAINLESSLY ANNOUNCE PLANS TO GO OFF AND DO SOMETHING HEROIC! YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE THE SHORTEST LIFESPAN OF ANY IMMORTAL IN HISTORY. EB: sorry. :( CG: BESIDES, IT'S A TOTAL NON ISSUE. JACK WOULDN'T HESITATE TO STAB YOU AGAIN, BUT HE WON'T HURT JADE FOR SOME REASON. CG: IF ANYTHING, YOU COULD USE HER PROTECTION. (p.3869 / 3871)
and also keep in mind dave does absolutely change his perception about jade's strength??
DAVE: youll probably annihilate me worse than my bro used to DAVE: dont you have all of your dogs insane powers and like DAVE: god tier space powers on top of all that DAVE: how exactly am i supposed to compete with that (p.6384)
DAVE: gotta keep em napping DAVE: especially jade im sure you know what kind of crooked ass baloneyfuck powers she got DAVE: cant let her turn those against us (p.7485)
so back to grimbark jade and the switching of these roles, dave doesn’t entirely lose his pragmatic bent. that’s still the way he thinks about stuff through but his time on the meteor has softened him and allowed him to become more reflective on big-picture things such as his role in everything
ironically this is the exact reason for his clash with grimbark jade is because she’s trying really hard to make him do stuff and it’s stuff that he’s not going to budge on because he doesn’t think it’s practical
JADE: why not? JADE: our empress can hardly have a knight with such rusty combat skills in her service DAVE: will you cut it out with the evil jade baloney DAVE: im not going to fight you DAVE: my rooftop dueling days are OVER JADE: en garde! DAVE: ugh DAVE: even if we just went balls out jackass BANANAS with our swords here i mean realistically how much appreciable advancement in my battle skills would even result from that DAVE: are you actually thinking this through or just going through the vaguely nefarious motions that come with the territory of being evildog!jade JADE: im gonna go through the vaguely nefarious motions of kicking your ass in a minute if you dont put up your dukes!!! DAVE: yeah you probably will DAVE: youll probably annihilate me worse than my bro used to DAVE: dont you have all of your dogs insane powers and like DAVE: god tier space powers on top of all that DAVE: how exactly am i supposed to compete with that JADE: by using your time trickery! JADE: come on dave do your timey thing JADE: get creative, make lots of copies of yourself or something... outsmart me! DAVE: no! JADE: yes!!! DAVE: ok here i go JADE: !!!!! DAVE: wait DAVE: nah JADE: grrr JADE: dave, just try a little time travel to get this fight started JADE: see look, one of your time doubles is surely predestined to come from a few minutes in the future and appear behind me for a surprise attack, riiiight about... JADE: now! JADE: ... JADE: no wait JADE: riiiiiiiiiight... JADE: ... JADE: ... JADE: NOW! JADE: .... JADE: ..... JADE: dave why is your future self being such a wet blanket DAVE: i told you DAVE: im not time traveling DAVE: i think im giving it up for good actually (p.6384)
one thing floral mentions in her post is that dave is pushing jade for answers about her failed relationship with davesprite
DAVE: why are you dragging that guy into this DAVE: what happened with you and him anyway JADE: none of your business >:p DAVE: it kind of is DAVE: hes bird me DAVE: that clearly means i have a right to know JADE: that doesnt make any sense! DAVE: you said he had issues DAVE: what issues JADE: augh! JADE: forget i mentioned it DAVE: was he talking shit about me the whole time or something DAVE: i know he resents me for being the real dave JADE: dont say that, you arent the real dave! JADE: well you are, but phrasing it like that is so mean! JADE: hes just as real as you, and when you imply he isnt you sound like a jerk!!! DAVE: man i knew it DAVE: i knew he was poisoning your view of me all those years DAVE: and i wasnt there to say anything or defend against his slander so now of course you think im a neurotic douche (p.6386)
and while it is true nobody is obligated to share the details of their relationship, there is a LOT of evidence to believe dave was asking because he wants to be a good person and, to me his words here, and his past and future actions relative to this point, show that he’s not as messed up of a person as grimbark jade is making him out to be. let’s dive into it. think on this: why does dave care so much what jade thinks about him? he started getting “neurotic” halfway through the conversation once jade brought up her feelings about him
JADE: THE ONLY REASON I THINK YOURE A NEUROTIC DOUCHE IS BECAUSE YOURE ACTING LIKE ONE NOW!!! DAVE: yeah but i only started acting like a neurotic douche like half way through this conversation DAVE: you clearly had an axe to grind with me from the start and i want to know why DAVE: what did i ever do to deserve this shit from you JADE: YOU BROKE MY HEART!!!!!! DAVE: what DAVE: i did DAVE: when (p.6386)
he’s genuinely so lost because he hadn’t had contact with any extension of jade in 3 years. alpha timeline dave has been sensitive towards jade for basically forever and especially now that he’s had time to grow up. he is not going to allow any version of himself hurt jade, and thats why hes asking so many questions to her about the nature of the relationship and what happened
JADE: ok not you JADE: davesprite did JADE: BUT YOURE BASICALLY THE SAME GUY! DAVE: whoa no way DAVE: thats such an unfair characterization we are completely different dudes JADE: you just said you had a right to know what happened between us because, and i quote, "hes bird me" DAVE: no i know DAVE: i was playing the "hes bird me" card because it was convenient to whatever it was i was saying at the time DAVE: i forget what point i was making when i said that JADE: *growl* DAVE: but thats not the point im making now DAVE: he and me are just DAVE: crazy different yo DAVE: hes got fuckin wings!!! DAVE: he also presumably takes a dump and lays eggs out of the same ghostly hole DAVE: ... DAVE: ew man whyd i have to go there JADE: *SNARL* DAVE: ok if he broke up with you or whatever that was because of his dumb bird issues not my issues DAVE: theres no way i would have done that to you (p.6386)
what dave means to say by “hes bird me because it was convenient to say at the time but it doesnt apply to this circumstance” is exactly what i was getting at in part 1 of this series of posts. yes, they are the same people at their very foundation, different reflections of a single character, but up to a point. there’s a gray area of whether or not we can call dave and davesprite the same person. in terms of this conflict though, dave should be regarded as a separate individual because of their diverging history up to that point and adolescent-teenage growth in different environments and under different circumstances. even if dave doesn't know what hes trying to say
he wants to know what this alternate version of himself did to hurt jade so much. even if grimbark jade really is bringing dave into some shit he had nothing to do with.
see the thing is, to me dave could have easily handled being accused a lot worse and say something like “youre overreacting” or something. that wouldve been dickish. but he doesn’t, he never does. he really seems to be more motivated by like, “woah what?? whats his problem? are these about issues i still have and dont know they were hurting jade or are they uniquely davesprite’s?”
like, this isn’t a joke to him even if his main form of communication through humor to lighten the mood (jade loves dave’s silliness dont forget all the times she’s giggled because dave was “so silly” and “hes a funny guy”). immediately after rescuing the mayor from eviljade’s lava kick, he was going to give davesprite a piece of his mind and this shows he is sincerely concerned about what an alternate version of himself did to break jade’s heart. he REALLY fuckin wants closure on it because he cares about her feelings so much
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i don’t see this other side covered in floral’s post, but evildog jade here is Also pushing dave to do something that he is uncomfortable with as well, which is to use time travel.
dave stopped time traveling so he wouldn’t “have to wonder all the time if i was taking a wrong turn and dooming everybody”, stating he was “never that cool with it” to rose back in act 5. around the same time when karkat talks to john, he says “TO MY KNOWLEDGE, HE DOESN'T TIME TRAVEL AFTER [FIGHTING JACK WITH JADE], AND HE AND ROSE STAY ON DERSE WAITING FOR THE BOMB UNTIL YOU START THE SCRATCH” which honestly makes me think that whole event was the nail in the coffin for dave on time traveling. seeing himself die fighting jack and knowing it was coming and he couldnt tell jade no matter how much he wanted to that her bullets were going to be the cause. this is the last straw for him regarding time traveling it affected him that much
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remember the last lines of pesterlog jade had with dave before being separated? i mentioned it earlier--the one where jade decided jack needs to be stopped and they should “come up with a better plan than Rose’s suicide mission to stop him. Dave suggests the idea is futile, but lets her know she’d come to her own decision regardless, and he’d be available to talk later if needed” (from recap 3)
GG: well maybe im just being naive... GG: but a crazy suicide mission does not sound like the ideal solution to me! GG: are you suuuure we cant beat him? GG: i dont know if we should rule it out! TG: well TG: youre about to do what youre about to do TG: and im not going to tell you not to TG: i wont do the bullshit troll thing and tell you what youre going to do and then just dare you not to TG: while knowing damn well you will anyway TG: so ill just say TG: whats next is up to you TG: and if later you want to talk about it TG: im here GG: ok GG: thanks dave! (p.3204)
this was dave’s nice causality-free way of saying “youre going to end up killing me during the jack fight that winds up happening. i cant tell you that im going to die and that youre going to be the one to shoot me, because i know you wouldnt go through with it. that would drag us in a doomed timeline and we’d all die anyway, not just me. youre probably going to be freaked out when it happens since i can’t tell you this, so if you want to talk me about it later, ill be here for you”
which, first of all is, holy shit. he cares about her and her feelings so fucking much. and it’s nothing new
TT: What about why you went to fight Jack? TG: sure TG: i did that TG: because i wanted to TG: and because i was supposed to TT: Are you sure? TG: yeah i saw my future self fighting him so obviously that had to happen or else id be dead anyway TG: without even getting the satisfaction of standing up to him TT: So what about Jade? TG: what TT: You didn't tell her your expedition with her would result in your death, let alone one she'd inadvertently cause. TT: Or that she'd be stuck with the job of resuscitating you. Did you? TG: what am i really supposed to say TG: hey were gonna hunt frogs til you shoot me through the jack TG: then i die and youve got to make out with me TG: that kind of changes how the whole thing goes doesnt it TT: Not if you're "supposed to," right? TG: what does that even mean TT: I guess you're right. No reason to make an effort to empathize if doing so comes at the price of oblivion. TG: wtf TT: It must be comforting to have your ASPD tacitly supported by predestination. TG: aspd TT: Antisocial personality disorder. TG: oh no TG: this conversation just got bumrushed by a mudslide of fucking awful TT: It wasn't already awful, believing you might be dead? TG: you dont know anything TG: about what i was feeling or what happened on lofaf TG: you were all pavement faced and babbling your throefester speak and flipping off the shit with your own crazy deathwish thing why do you think you know what was going through my head TG: youre just assuming and throwing around psyche buzzwords like aspd complex disorder TG: im telling you if i said anything at all about it she probably doesnt even fire her gun once and all im doing is dragging her into a doomed timeline with me TT: I guess I'm learning to be impressed by your sense of obligation to inevitable misfortune. It's a strange case of inspiration through futility. TG: none of this is that big a deal TG: i just mentioned the basics to her TG: that id stop time traveling soon TG: break out of the loops TG: not have to wonder all the time if i was taking a wrong turn and dooming everybody TG: i was never that cool with this (p.3896)
dave got suddenly super fucking defensive about rose making assumptions about how he felt about fighting jack and knowing jade was going to inadvertently kill him, knowing damn well how jade reacts to seeing corpses (remember that time dave threw his slain body out the window so jade wouldnt see it because “it would probably freak her out”), and the fact that he couldn’t warn her to protect the alpha timeline and also protect both of them and everyone from falling into a doomed timeline. and he knew it was coming the whole time. he was right, rose didn’t know what was going through his head. but his defensiveness here means he had strong feelings about it. not only that but dave saying “whats next is up to you, and if later you want to talk about it, im here” shows the amount of trust he has towards her
we see him tell this to grimbark jade straight up his thought process for why he stopped time traveling. and it’s spot on with what i said. again, remember that this is the first conversation he has with jade after 3 years being separated
DAVE: but see with time travel DAVE: all the stuff about learning it so you dont have to use it is true DAVE: theres no good that can come of it DAVE: you can crunch the logic on the loops all you want DAVE: but all youre doing is painting yourself into a corner DAVE: creating inevitabilities you have to rehearse and enact or face death for yourself or everyone you know DAVE: and sometimes facing death is the very inevitability you have to rehearse DAVE: and then you wait and wait knowing its coming and knowing it has to happen DAVE: how do you think it made me feel when we were gathering up all those frogs DAVE: and i knew the whole time in a little while you would have to watch me get shot DAVE: but i couldnt say anything or it would mess it all up DAVE: all cause i thought it would be cool to be marty mcfuckin fly DAVE: but instead of shredding johnny b goode on guitar to get my parents to bang DAVE: my crowning performance was doing a funny dance while getting pumped full of lead JADE: ...... (p.6385)
and what fucking broke me yesterday was realizing after all this time, ironically it was DAVE who wound up being the one who had to talk to jade about it.
JADE: sorry dave, you lost me there after the part where i shot you DAVE: damn DAVE: ok lemme start over (p.6385)
“damn ok lemme start over” bro he really wants to open up to her about this thing he’s been stewing on for three years only for it to fall on deaf mind controlled ears. it’s so fucking sad
part 3 is cooking and it’s going to be about dave’s character growth post-meteor and what that means for dave and jade
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capricornlevi · 2 years
Note
❛ i’m not jealous. ❜ + AOT Jean 👀👀
ahhh thank u my love! i love jean too much so this turned from a drabble into a fic lmao he awakens something in me 😭😭❤️
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jean kirstein x f!reader (wc 5.5k)
brief mention of reiner x reader, nsfw content (fingering, handjobs, vaginal sex, semi-public sex, 'hold the moan', praise kink), alcohol use (all sex sober & consensual)
nsfw - minors/ageless blogs do not interact!
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"Your turn."
You don't hear Jean's voice at first, his words drowned out by the raucous cheering of the others sitting on the living room floor. It's loud in here, almost deafening, and he's sitting at the other end of the circle with six or so people sitting on either side of you. He repeats himself, but again, his words are lost to the sound of your friends reacting to the last round of spin-the-bottle.
The whole party had agreed to the game after surprisingly little convincing, and you've sat watching everyone take their turns for the last half-hour. You haven't been selected yet. Eren's spin was a close call having landed only a couple inches to your right, but you agreed without objection that it definitely stopped in front of Mikasa.
Any hope of you hearing Jean’s voice disappears once your friends start to cheer loudly once more. You let out a little laugh and a clap at seeing Eren's obvious blush after he shuffled back to his place in the circle. It’s sweet.
You're sitting cross-legged, a beer in one hand and your phone in the other, trying (in vain, since Connie keeps accidentally pushing you as he hops up to grab drinks) to text your roommate to tell her you won't be home til tomorrow (Mikasa's offered you the couch, and how can you say no when the party's just kicking off now?)
Before today, you had never really liked the idea of spin-the-bottle. It always seemed like a cheesy, immature game that people only play as a last resort, when the party has become so dull that the only other option is leaving. But surprisingly, tonight is starting to get fun; you can’t deny that the game is contributing to that. Everyone's at that stage of tipsiness where it's all flushed cheeks and laughter without anyone getting too messy. All of your friends are approaching the game lightheartedly, and you can’t help but feel you were too cynical at the start of the night.
Nobody here is actually dating one another - officially, at least - so the potential for hurt feelings is kept to a minimum.
You're distracted by an elbow to the ribs, deliberate but not forceful, just enough to get you to pay attention to the person next to you. You turn to Connie, brows furrowed as you try to see what he wants from you.
"Apparently it's your turn," he informs you, eyes shifting to the opposite side of the room as he speaks. "So I've been told three times now."
Setting your phone down on the floor (a safe distance away from your beer), you smile at the eager faces looking over at you. They must have been waiting for you to take your turn for a couple of minutes now.
You crawl to the centre of the circle without further hesitation and with a flick of your wrist, you spin the green-glass bottle that's been the centre of everyone's focus this evening.
It makes a light clink as it spins and your heart rate quickens unexpectedly. The room has gone quiet with anticipation as it has done for earlier rounds too, but you suddenly feel a lot of pressure for a reason you can't quite ascertain.
It spins for what seems like twice as long as everyone else's turn, but finally it starts to slow down, the whirling sound of the glass on the wooden floor getting slower and slower ...
The bottle clinks to a halt in front of Reiner.
A boorish cheer rises from the others in the circle and you grin. Reiner isn't the worst option … on the contrary, he's actually one of the better ones. He’s handsome, sure, but you know the two of you don’t have any prospect of a romantic future - you had gone on a few dates in freshman year and soon learned that it's difficult to get him to stop talking about the gym for more than five minutes - so sharing a quick kiss shouldn’t make things weird between the two of you.
It’s not the first time you’ve done this, after all; he’s a decent kisser if memory serves. He'll do fine.
That being said, you try to ignore a strange feeling brewing in the back of your mind. It's subtle but it's there, gnawing at you - not exactly a feeling of disappointment, you don't think. Even if it is disappointment, it's certainly not because the bottle landed on Reiner.
You think it’s because the bottle didn't land on someone else.
Shaking off that feeling, you shift your legs so you're sitting comfortably in the centre of the circle. Reiner rolls his eyes when he sees you're waiting for him to come to you, but he obliges anyway.
"Hi," you say with a little laugh, unsure of how else to greet him.
"Hi," he repeats, grinning back, and once he sees that you’re ready he doesn’t wait for even a beat longer. He leans down to press his lips against yours.
As spin-the-bottle kisses go, it's good. Reiner knows what he's doing. He moves his lips against yours gently but firmly, and he doesn't push it by trying to slip you some tongue or anything. It's not heated or passionate, but it's nice. It's fine, just as you thought.
About ten seconds pass before you pull back, the cheers of your friends ringing in your ears.
That strange, inexplicably disappointed feeling is still there as you slip back to your space in the circle, eyes scanning the group as you take your place on the floor once again.
As chants of 'you're next' start to ring out again, you're relieved to see that it's Connie who's being summoned. The fact that he's next to take a turn means he can't try to annoy you about the kiss, and it means you have time to knock back the last of your beer before texting your housemate.
However, when you've settled back down and taken a steadying breath, you don't pick up your phone. Instead you glance around the circle in front of you again, properly taking stock of everyone’s reaction this time.
Eren's still blushing - that's kind of adorable, actually - and Reiner is looking surprisingly reserved next to him. He’s not too smug, thankfully. That would be annoying.
Sasha and Niccolo are cheering with their bottles, their arms thrown affectionately around each other. Next to then, Armin is laughing at some joke that Hitch has whispered into his ear.
Your eyes land on Jean next. He looks ... well, you're not really sure how he looks. He's wearing an expression you haven't seen on him before.
He certainly doesn't look happy but he's not angry, either; an almost-sullen look is written on his face, his features are neutral but his eyes are glowering as he meets your gaze across the room. His expression is uncharacteristically impassive.
He’s usually animated, chatty, confident; now, he’s near-impossible to read. You’d never thought Jean would be anything but an open book, but you cannot for the life of you determine how he’s feeling.
You quirk the corners of your lips up into a soft smile just to see if he responds, and he glances away.
It's not harsh, it's just the action of someone who’s stuck in his own reverie, but that strange feeling still weighs on you.
___
The hours pass quickly and the party slowly starts to die down. Because of the size of the group, you had just played one round of spin-the-bottle, but a few well-timed suggestions for other games (flip cup, Kings, amongst others) means that you're kept busy for most of the night.
It provides a welcome distraction for whatever unsettling realisation you had while sitting in the circle; that maybe, somewhere deep down, you could imagine kissing one of your friends.
That you want to kiss one of your friends, and that you’re torturing yourself with the thought that maybe he wants to kiss you too.
Checking your phone screen, you're informed that the time is now well after three a.m. This makes sense considering almost everyone who doesn't live here has now left, leaving the room more empty than you’d seen it in a while.
The apartment is shared by Mikasa, Sasha, Eren, and Connie, all of whom are now trying to pluck crushed-up solo cups from the kitchen floor so the mess isn't as bad tomorrow.
Apart from them, you and Jean are the only two remaining. Turns out Eren had offered Jean the couch too, unbeknownst to you or Mikasa, and it was too late for him to call a cab at this point.
Neither of you had discussed what you’re going to do about it.
"Guys, we can clean up," you offer, going to take the plastic bag from Sasha so you can pick up where she left off. "It'll give us some time to sort out who's taking the couch."
Sasha’s brow furrows. “Are you sure?"
“Positive.”
"Yep, sounds good," Jean agrees then, following your lead. "I can take the floor, anyway. All I need is a pillow and I'm good."
You look at him, unsure. You don’t want him to have a sleepless night for your sake. “Really?"
"I've slept worse places," he replies with the faintest of smiles. "Eren and Connie don't let me forget it."
"He passed out under an oak tree after a party last semester," Eren pipes up, answering your question before you even have to ask it. "Woke up covered in leaves."
"Maybe the floor isn't so bad, then," you acknowledge, though still throw him a quick glance - an 'are you sure?' sort of look - and he nods so as to put your mind at ease.
"As long as you're okay with it?" he asks. “Since you’ll be here too.”
You agree.
“Sounds good to me.”
___
"Are you gonna help me clean up, or just stand there eating that shitty pizza?"
Your playful taunt doesn't do anything to convince Jean to set down his meal. You shove a plastic cup into the bag for dramatic effect, and all it makes him do is laugh.
It's a nice sound. Unfortunately.
"They said they wanted to make a start on the clean-up, not finish it," he mumbles through a mouthful of pizza. "You're going overboard."
"I'm being considerate," you reply with faux indignance. "And I'm not tired yet."
"Then have some pizza."
"It's cold, Jean."
"It's best when it's cold!"
You pull a face. "It's not."
"Then stick it in the microwave," he responds without hesitation.
"It'll wake them all up!"
"With the noise you're making now they'll barely even hear it," Jean retorts, leaning down to pick up your bag and shaking the contents to demonstrate his point. Turns out that the sounds of your clean-up are considerably louder than the microwave would be.
"Okay, okay, stop," you chuckle, plying the bag from his hand to stop him from really pissing off your hosts.
"So, pizza?"
"No, I don't wanna go to sleep with garlic breath."
"No garlic on it. I had some before the- that game thing, earlier. And Connie didn't complain."
You laugh at that. "I'm good, still."
Jean sets his pizza down, arms crossed across his chest. That expression from earlier is back. It’s a little unsettling; he’s back to being closed-off, and you don’t know how to react. You’re so accustomed to seeing Jean’s emotions written all over his face.
"That game was something, huh?" he begins. His tone is conversational but you decide to err on the side of caution with your response.
"Yeah, it was fun, I guess."
He nods shortly. He’s looking a bit braver now, eyes peering over at you curiously.
"Yeah, I guess,” he repeats. He shuffles his feet just a little as a beat of silence passes. "So, Reiner and you-?"
He doesn't finish the sentence but trails off like it's a question. You set the bag down with surprise, turning to face him properly now. Mirroring his posture, you cross your arms over your chest. You smile, but likely look as perplexed as you feel.
"What do you mean 'Reiner and me'?"
Your own question isn't hostile, it's just curious. You have no idea where this is coming from.
Jean is starting to blush now, a soft pink hue forming on the bridge of his nose as he tries to form an answer.
"Just ... that was some kiss, I guess."
"Fairly standard," you say dismissively. "Nothing too special."
"Standard?"
"I mean, yeah, standard. For a game of spin-the-bottle, y'know?"
"I-"
He's acting funny. You've never seen him like this; the awkwardness, the staring when he thinks you're not looking, the fact he's dwelling on your kiss with Reiner ...
The realisation hits you out of nowhere as you gasp, interrupting him with a gleeful exclamation of -
"Jean, you're jealous!"
Far past a light blush at this stage, Jean's face is red with embarrassment ... and something else, maybe, but you're not certain. You don’t want to let hope cloud your judgement.
"What are you talking about?" he asks, playing down your excitement.
You're smiling now, confident still that your assumptions are correct. His reaction betrays him.
"Well you're acting jealous, anyway.”
He huffs a breath of air through his nose, shaking his head as if in disagreement (but really, you’re sure it's just to buy himself a little time.)
"I'm not jealous."
Even his outright denials aren't convincing you, and you think he knows that he's losing. He looks thrown-off. Every time he tells you that he isn’t jealous he gets closer and closer to blurting out the truth.
So you decide to put him out of his misery and throw down the gauntlet.
"I saw you looking at me after."
Your words take a moment to land with him. He blinks at you, genuinely surprised, but makes one last attempt at denial.
"After what?”
"After the kiss."
His arms are by his side now and you do the same, not wanting to seem unnecessarily intimidating.
You’re not trying to tease or annoy him.
All you want is for him to admit it, so you can do the same.
Because you wanted Jean to kiss you then. You want him to kiss you now. Maybe you’ve wanted to kiss him for a long time now.
He clears his throat and you meet his gaze head on. One of you will need to take the bait.
When someone finally gives in, it doesn’t come in the form of words. Neither of you says anything out loud.
Instead, Jean takes a step closer to you, testing the waters. Knowing that it isn’t fair for him to take all the action, you move closer too until you’re within touching distance.
He runs his tongue along his lower lip, slowly and carefully, and you look at him through your lashes.
You both snap at the exact same time.
Your mouths join together so quickly the breath is knocked from your chest, so desperate for closeness that you fist your hands into the fabric of his t-shirt to try and pull him closer.
He kisses you messily but it’s just what you need; the momentum built so quickly that just a soft peck on the lips wouldn’t suffice. Encouraged by your reaction he runs his hands along your lower back, fingertips skirting the waistband of your jeans as you slide your fingers up into his hair.
You can feel his smile against your lips. Bolts of excitement rush straight to your chest, increasing tenfold when his tongue pushes into your mouth with a gentle confidence.
Jean is no longer withdrawn, self-conscious, uncertain. This Jean knows exactly what you want from him.
It starts with gentle licks against your tongue, deliberate and tantalising, then grows in intensity until you’re pressed against the countertop, making out with him like two desperate teenagers. He makes little sounds of approval as you run your hands all over him, unsure of where you want to touch next; it all seems so good. You want all of him.
Turns out, this must have been a long time coming.
You kiss him like you’ve been thinking about it for years, since you first met him at freshman orientation. Years of friendship had pushed those thoughts to the back of your mind, but they’re all coming out now, erupting in a haze of want and lust and a need to taste more of him.
You can feel something hard press against your hip as he keeps your body pressed against his. Even through several layers of clothing you can tell he’s impressive, the firm thickness straining against his jeans making your mouth water as you lower your hand to rub it.
Jean exhales low and gravelly, his breath coming out shaky as he tries to keep his hips from bucking against your hands. You’re stroking him now, eager to see more of his reactions to the lightest of touches. He’s so pretty like this.
You both reach the point of needing more, the teasing having reached a threshold where you needed to do something about the throbbing between your legs; rubbing your thighs together had helped just a bit, but you wanted his touch. You need more stimulation, and the look on his face shows he’s ready to give it to you.
There’s just one obstacle …
“We need to be quiet,” he mumbles, pulling away for just a moment. His lips are so kiss-slick and perfect that it takes phenomenal amounts of self control to not lean in and take him into your mouth again. “We need to be really quiet, y’know…”
“I know,” you whisper back. “I know. Probably better to … to move this to the couch. Further away from their bedrooms.”
“Good thinking,” he agrees. You pull back, missing the heat of his body as soon as you do so but the thought of what’s coming next is more than enough motivation. You take his hand and he grins at your eagerness, guiding him into the living room and waiting for him to sit down on the couch before climbing onto his lap to straddle him.
“God, you feel good,” he says, quiet as he can as you pepper kisses along his jawline. “Fuck, I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”
“Like from earlier-?”
He lets out a breathy laugh. “Longer than that. But yeah, earlier … I wanted you - fucking hell, keep your mouth there - I wanted that bottle to land on me. I wanted you to sit in the centre of that circle and look at me like you did in the kitchen just there, all giggly, like you know exactly what I’m thinking about doing to you.”
“What were you thinking about doing?” you ask, rolling your hips against the bulge in his jeans. He groans and the sound goes straight to your cunt, the wetness between your legs becoming more distracting. You decide to put him (and yourself) out of his misery just a bit, unzipping his pants and taking him out of his underwear.
He’s thick and heavy in your hand, his cock throbbing noticeably when you run a finger along the prominent vein on the underside. You circle the head with your thumb and watch as his breath goes stuttery again, all words having vanished from his vocabulary completely.
But you’re not ready for him to stop talking. You liked what he was saying - liked it a lot - and you need to hear more.
But you won’t go about it without giving him encouragement, of course.
“Tell me what you wanted to do,” you whisper as you start stroking him in earnest.
He doesn’t say anything for a moment, lips pulled tight as he tries to keep quiet. He only speaks once your movements start to slow.
“Keep going … please,” he begs softly, “I’ll tell you. Just please keep doing that.”
You resume your pace and he starts speaking.
“I wanted to … wanted to be the one who got to kiss you. Wouldn’t have been like your one with Reiner, though; maybe it’s a good thing it didn’t land on me, because I wouldn’t … fuck … wouldn’t have been able to keep from slipping my tongue into your mouth. Wanted to touch you so bad,” and with the last part of the sentence, he unbuttons your jeans with one hand and starts to tug them down.
You raise your hips from his lap to allow him access, and once he has a better grip he pulls your underwear down as well, baring your wet cunt to the cool air as you sit back down on his lap. The warmth of his skin against your thighs makes you tremble and he notices, slipping that same hand between your legs and sliding his index finger up through your puffy folds.
His thighs are thick and broad and so there’s room for you to keep working him in your hand as he starts playing with you, his legs keeping you spread open for him. He rubs the pearl of your clit with his thumb just as you had teased him a few moments ago, and now it’s you who is unable to articulate any of your thoughts.
“You wanted me to touch you earlier?” he prompts, seeing the already fucked-out expression on your face. When you don’t answer he starts to move his hand away so you open your mouth without even thinking your answer through.
“Yes, I wanted you to touch me,” you gasp when you feel two fingers push inside you, “I wanted you to kiss me in front of everyone then take me back to the kitchen and … fuck, I wanted you to bend me over. I wanted this inside me,” and with a firm upward stroke Jean’s hips buck against you.
With his middle and ring-finger now fucking you open, he uses his thumb to circle your clit with a steady pace that matches your grip on his cock. He keeps going, keeps hitting that place deep inside you that makes you see stars, your wetness and the slick sound of skin touching skin all you can hear.
You’re trying to keep quiet but he’s making it exceptionally difficult. Every twist of his wrist, every flick of his thumb, it’s all so carefully planned. You’re ready for him - you’ve been ready for a while - but it’s near-impossible to verbalise it without letting a moan slip out.
Here you are, spread open on your friends’ couch, with only a couple of walls in the way to stifle any of the lewd noises you’re making … but you can’t bring yourself to care. You’re burning for him, your core already tightening around his fingers, and Jean’s cock is flushed with arousal, precum dribbling from the top and coating your palm.
Wordlessly you shift your hips, nearly crying at the loss of sensation when his fingers pull out and you still the motions of your fist. He glances up and you know he’s thinking the same thing you are.
“They keep a box of condoms in the bathroom cabinet,” he says, voice hushed and low, “saw it last time I stayed over.”
You nod and lift yourself from his lap, laying your back down against the couch so Jean can walk to the bathroom. He tugs his pants up over his hips but shrugs off his shirt; you do the same, enjoying the flattering look on Jean’s face as he takes in your naked body for the first time.
He hesitates as if torn between wanting to stay here looking at you bare and wanting beneath him, or going to get the condom so he can actually be inside you - both options have him in a chokehold. He wants to be two places at once.
After you smile up at him, doe-eyed and almost innocent, he makes up his mind. He heads to the bathroom and after a few quiet shuffling noises and the sound of a foil wrapper tearing open, he returns to you, pulling you in for a searing kiss. Any remaining items of clothing are shed as you spread your legs, pulling him down to lay on top of you, the heat of his body against yours driving you insane.
He’s all lean muscle and strength but he’s so gentle with the way he handles you now, resting his palms on your hips as he positions himself to finally fuck you. He meets your gaze one more time, scanning your face with a look that is as enticing as it is heartwarming. He wants you to be comfortable. He wants this to be good for you.
“Ready for you,” you murmur, grabbing his shoulders as you reassure him of how desperately you want this. “Want you inside me.”
When he first pushes in it’s a stretch, even though you’d only been seconds away from coming all over his fingers. He’s so thick it takes a moment to adjust, wiggling your hips as he pushes in so slowly, eyes not leaving your face as he does so. It doesn’t take long for the pleasure to overcome the feeling of being stretched.
By the time his cock is fully seated inside you, hips pressed flush together, he’s looking far more wrecked than you are.
Jean’s biting his lip, hips jerking forward in short shallow motions as he tries to keep from fucking into you before he’s ready. You know from the grip on your waist that he’s trying to hold back, not wanting this sensation to be over too quickly.
When he pulls back and thrusts back in, you can’t help but let out a mewl of pleasure; you know you shouldn’t, it’s too risky, but the noise escapes you before you can even think twice about it.
Jean clasps a hand over your mouth, using the other as leverage on your waist to keep fucking into you.
“Gotta keep quiet for me baby, okay?”
You nod, tears prickling at the corner of your eyes as you try to cant your hips to meet his thrusts.
“I know it’s hard,” he whispers, kissing the apples of his cheeks, “I wish you could keep making those little noises, you’ve no fucking idea what they do to me … but we’ve gotta keep it down. For tonight, anyway. Can you do that for me?” You nod again. “That’s my girl.”
The words make you tighten around him and he looks at you desperately, pulling his hand away for just a moment as he slots his lips against yours again. You think at first he does it just to make sure you’ll stay quiet, but you can feel the vibrations of moans caught in his own throat - the kiss is as much for him as it is for you.
He keeps up his pace throughout, his cock hitting the same spot that his fingers toyed with earlier, and the stretch has faded entirely into a gorgeous fullness. Every time you think you can’t hit another crest of pleasure without coming, he’ll shift ever-so-slightly and the change in angle will make you tighten your grip on his shoulders.
Already your nails have left little crescent-moon indentations on his skin. He doesn’t seem to mind though, letting out a broken sigh when you drag your nails down at a particularly strong thrust.
You’re close. You’re so close, teetering at the edge and seconds away from collapsing into it, and you still have no idea how you’re going to keep quiet.
“Jean-“ you begin, the tremble in your voice tipping his off as to what you need.
He brings his hand back to your mouth but instead of covering it with his palm, he takes the same fingers that were fucking you before and slips them between your lips. You open your mouth for him willingly, tasting yourself on his skin, and then you’re finished.
The makeshift gag of his fingers in your mouth are barely enough to keep you from crying out. All you can feel is the warm glow of pleasure running through your veins, radiating from your core out to your whole body, making your body feel weightless and your mind go utterly and completely blank.
You want to scream for him. You want to him to know exactly what he’s doing to you, but you can barely keep your eyes open.
When the spasms of your orgasm have slowed to a gentle throbbing, you open your eyes just enough to see Jean tip over the edge himself.
You’re so, so glad you opened your eyes, because the sight before you is so gorgeous it nearly pushes you to come again; Jean’s pretty face twisted in pleasure, his pupils blown out and his brows pulled together as he thrusts into you one more time before coming as deep inside you as he can.
It feels almost cruel but you can’t resist; you suck on his fingers as he comes, making his eyes darken even further.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he repeats like a mantra, as if it’s the only word he can say to hold back screams of his own, “fuck, you’re so … still throbbing around me, fuck, fuck.”
After a moment, he stills inside you. Pulling his fingers from your mouth, he rests his head against your chest, breathing heavily as he tries to collect himself. It’s not much help since the raise and fall of your breathing is just as strong as his own, but it’s comforting having him so close.
It takes even longer to come down from it fully; the intensity of your orgasm made your legs feel weak under your, and it’s difficult to sit upright when Jean finally pulls out. Once he’s cleared up the condom and returned to the couch, you’re still laying flat on your back, face warm to the touch and covered with a faint sheen of sweat.
You feel spent and messy, too tired to care about appearances, but he pulls you in for another kiss that makes you feel so important, so valued, so safe with him.
Once he’s helped you pull on a t-shirt and some shorts that Mikasa had left out, it doesn’t take long to fall asleep in his arms. You don’t even consider how your friends might wake in the morning and find you like this, head resting affectionately in the nook of Jean’s shoulder.
Sleep finds you before you can even start to worry about things like that.
The next morning, you wake to find no sign of Jean. You bolt upright in a panic; there’s a folded-up blanket on the floor along with a pillow, and his shoes are lined up in the corner of the room so he’s still here somewhere. He hadn’t left, at least. You’re not ready to leave things so open-ended with him.
You’re just about to go searching for him before a familiar laugh echoes out from the kitchen as Sasha finishes telling some story from last night. From the sounds of it, Jean, Eren and Sasha are preparing some coffee; the smell of it wafts in to the living room and wakes you up fully.
Connie steps into the living room with two mugs in hand, greeting you with a cheery “hey, you’re up!” as he hands you one of the drinks prepared just how you like it.
“Jean took the floor after all?” he inquires. You mumble something unintelligible as you take a sip of the coffee, blowing it slightly to cool it down.
Connie takes a seat on the couch, and you suddenly feel immense gratitude for having the sense to spread Jean’s hoodie on the seats before you two ...
“Glad he’s doing better this morning,” Connie notes, interrupting your thoughts. “He got over his jealousy, apparently.”
“What do you mean?”
He turns to you, an eyebrow quirked up. “You really don’t know?”
You shake your head, hearing the sounds of Eren, Jean and Sasha preparing breakfast in the kitchen.
“I think he got a bit bummed out after spin-the-bottle yesterday,” Connie says, voice quiet even though there’s no chance anyone could hear him. “He couldn’t even talk to Reiner for two hours after.”
“And why’s that?” you ask, keeping as straight a face as possible.
Connie glances over at the kitchen once more for good measure, before leaning in close and whispering.-
“He’ll kill me for saying this, but he’s got a bit of a crush on you.”
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wabatle · 6 days
Note
Hello!
If you take requests, can I request WxS (separately) with reader who's burnout because there are many assignments from school that reader need to finish but the deadline is short. reader feel tired and overwhelmed because of it and can't take it anymore so they ended up breaking down
Sorry for my bad english :)
don't worry about your english, it's great!
☆~W×S with a burnt out s/o
wabatle nonsense:
guess who got lazy with their pictures again
also i made it seem more like reader is depressed than burnt out but oh well
warnings: none~
taglist: @stellas-starry-stove13, Rui is waiting! @akitosheart, Rui and Tsukasa are waiting!
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☆~Tsukasa Tenma
He is so worried
Constantly interrogating you on what you're doing that's making you so stressed
Then he realized that whatever was causing such pain has exhausted you to the point where you don't feel like doing anything
You had started skipping rehearsals, and had also expressed that you just wanted to go home, and Tsukasa was beating himself up about not telling you to take a break earlier
He constantly will go to your house to make sure you're taking care of yourself
I can't even describe what a worrywart he is I'm sorry
But he will be taking care of you until you feel better
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☆~Emu Otori
She doesn't exactly understand.
Of course, she's worried. The person she loves most is exhausted from life, but she doesn't understand why
She'll go to check in on you all the time
Once you started skipping rehearsals she started freaking out
She told Nene all about it, and Nene told her that you were probably just burnt out
So, Emu decided to try baking for you, buying you sweets, bringing you games to play, anything that would cheer you up
She would be such a sweetheart, and never give up until you're happy again.
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☆~Nene Kusanagi
Nene understands on another level. She's been burnt out before, specifically with social interactions
So, she knows what you need, and that's space.
She'll occasionally (often) text you to ask how you're doing
And she'll also describe to Rui or Emu how worried she feels and ask if it's right to check on you face to face when she knows you need space
Once they tell her to go, she does, and she brings her game, positions herself to cuddle with you, and starts playing
She knows you need space. She just wants to be there while you're in your space.
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☆~Rui Kamishiro
Like Nene, Rui also understands what you’re going through because he’s been burnt out before too
Unlike Nene though, he thinks that the best way to “solve” being burnt out is to have someone with you to help you through it
So, that’s what he does
He’ll hang out with you and bring you sweets, allowing you to be as clingy as you need to be to feel better
Rui knows that what you’re going through is hard. That’s why he’ll be there for you all the way until you’re back to normal.
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bestworstcase · 4 months
Note
I'm just thinking about your points about Penny and dehumanization and the heroes essentially taking decisions away from Penny while trying to protect her. Penny and Winter don't interact until Penny passes the Maiden powers to Winter in Volume 8. But in 7 - the last time they see each other - Winter buys time for Penny to make her decision with Fria. Which I think puts a neat layer into Penny ultimately saving Winter in the Winter versus Ironwood fight.
You can read Penny being puppeteered as a continuation of the dehumanization and how Atlas treats individuals. And she never really has a chance to fight that personally. The whole Cinder blowing up the evac plan happens first. But Peny being the tipping point with Winter versus Ironwood, especially in the reading that they were both baring the weight together... The thing is it is very very hard to get out of bad situations solo. And Penny did get someone out. I hope this makes sense
what always gets to me is. winter panics when penny rescues her ("what are you doing?! my life doesn't matter!") because it puts fria and the staff in jeopardy. and then not five minutes later she makes what is clearly a conscious, deliberate choice to step back and let fria choose penny as her heir, throwing herself in between them and cinder with her aura still depleted, against ironwood's orders. it's such an important moment bc it reveals that winter absolutely meant what she told penny earlier about wrestling with her feelings because she values her humanity—winter is not mindlessly following orders or blindly self-sacrificial, but she is willing to die for what she believes is right.
(winter is also the reason we know fria's name, because she makes a point of saying fria instead of calling her the winter maiden. which is the moment her break from ironwood becomes narratively inevitable, that rejection of fria's dehumanization)
i think the way penny frames the situation to jaune is really revealing of her perspective on… everything that's happened to her since she became the maiden. in her eyes it snatched away what little autonomy she had; ironwood and the ace-ops pulled out all the stops to manipulate and then outright control her, and all of her friends collectively decided that the maiden power was too valuable and too vulnerable for penny to do anything except go hide somewhere they hoped salem couldn't follow. everyone puts so much emphasis and importance on the magic that when penny is being eaten alive by watts' virus she considers the situation in terms of "i can make sure the powers go to [ruby]."
so when cinder fatally wounds her--and penny recognizes that there isn't enough time to heal her (& there isn't, he had less than sixty seconds before cinder had weiss disarmed on the ground)… "let me choose this one thing."
it's weiss, or winter, or cinder. if jaune hesitates or ignores what penny tells him, cinder kills weiss and then him and then claims the power for herself; if he mercy-kills penny now, penny can make sure the power goes to weiss so that weiss can get herself and jaune out alive…
…or she can give it to winter, her best friend. who for all she knows is already in vacuo right now, as penny has no way of knowing that ironwood is free or that winter is in danger.
in many ways, winter is the wrong choice in that moment; weiss and jaune are in danger, cinder has both relics, and without the magic weiss doesn't stand a chance. winter is not here, and penny has no idea where she is--or even if she's still alive!--so the pragmatic choice, the "correct" decision, the thing she "needed" to do, was make sure the magic went to weiss.
penny's whole arc in atlas is about the unreconcilable conflict between what she needs to do and what she wants to do, and in the end--forced by horrible circumstances to make a binary choice--she chooses to do what she wants. to follow her heart. to think of her friend. to take a small moment of peace and happiness for herself by saying goodbye to someone she loves very dearly.
and that's the moment of triumph over ironwood, who saw his own humanity as his greatest weakness!! penny choosing to do something for herself, because it's what she wants. in coldly rational terms it was the wrong choice, but thematically it was the right thing for penny to do--the human thing--so it saves not only winter but also weiss and jaune, too (although both of them do fall, because penny took a risk and a central theme of V8 is that risks don't always turn out for the best).
it's such a well-constructed tragedy. and it's thematically so important that penny choosing her friend over her 'duty' is the only reason winter survives, bc that final battle between ironwood and winter symbolizes the ideological conflict of the atlas arc--is human feeling strength, or is it weakness? has he made hard but necessary choices or has he sacrificed everyone and everything that truly mattered?--so of course penny's humanity is his undoing.
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barbarianbookhoe · 9 months
Text
Chapter 2
A/N: I base this story on the books, but I changed a few things for the sake of Y/N's character backstory, so I apologize if some scenes come earlier or later!
Hope you enjoy!! :)
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Y/N looked at Kaz suspiciously as she lowered the rifle from her hand. "I don't know if I should believe you. Charming offer by the way," she put a hand on her hip, gun still in her other hand.
"You don't? Then maybe you should ask your friend Jesper over here, if you don't believe me," Kaz said and he sounded like he was having a good time pissing Y/N off. First by picking her locks, then turning up uninvited in her home, and now playing with her nerves. She ought to strangle him.
"Jesper believes anything you say as long as you're paying him," Y/N said and heard Jesper scoff from behind Kaz. Kaz fought the urge to smirk at her. "Then why does he look like a boy on the first day of school, all lost and confused?" He asked and Y/N lightly smiled at him.
"You do know that I'm literally standing here?" Jesper asked offended, and Y/N shot him an apologetic look, before turning back to Kaz. They stared at each other for a few seconds, before Y/N opened the door wider, letting the group in. Before Kaz could take one step into the apartment Y/N quickly turned to him and tapped his shoe with the rifle. "No person criminal or citizen brings dirt into this household. There's a rug next to the door. Use it," she spoke to all of them, but Jesper had the sense that she was directing her words specifically at Kaz.
They did as she said and Y/N led them to her small kitchen. She put her gun down on the dining table in the middle of the room, while the others quietly sat down. She grabbed the chair on the head of the table further from the doorway, and turned it slightly away from the table, meaning the person that sat on it would be able to look at her and the group without turning their entire body.
Inej noticed the movement and poked Jesper's arm, nodding at Y/N. Jesper looked at her with questioning eyes, but Inej held her chin towards the girl again, this time Jesper catching on what she was trying to make him see. Kaz sat down in the chair and without hesitation leaned his cane to the table and grabbed the rifle, inspecting it. Jesper looked back at Inej with his mouth slightly open, when he caught Nina looking at them with furrowed brows. Inej nodded her head towards the girl, and Nina glanced back at Kaz and Y/N's seemingly neutral faces, before giving her a knowing smirk. Jesper's eyebrows shot up on his forehead as Inej's eyes got wider. This interaction went completely unnoticed by Y/N and Kaz, because they were caught up in their own conversation.
When the group turned to Kaz they saw him cocking the rifle ready to shoot and they immediately jolted up from their seats, shouting at him. He just pulled the trigger and watched as everyone's faces turned from fear to shock and disbelief.
"You still threaten people with this old thing? At least put a bullet in it once in a while," Kaz said aloud and Y/N scoffed and grabbed the gun from his hands. "If you only came here to insult me you can get up and go," she told him and tossed the gun on the kitchen counter behind her. Kaz lifted one of his eyebrows at her response. "I assumed you'd take an opinion better than that,"
"Take your opinion and shove it up your ass," Y/N answered and all the Crows looked at her in disbelief. The room fell silent as they watched what Dirtyhands, the Bastard of the Barrel would do with someone who insulted him. Kaz looked up at her like he was about to either murder her or laugh at her. Then he turned to the table and as if nothing happened, he spoke up.
"Wylan, Nina and Matthias, I'd like you to meet Y/N Orlova, the gunsmith and occasional assassin of the Dregs, one of the last remaining shapeshifters in this world, wanted dead or alive with a reward of 100 000 kruge, and the ace up our sleeve."
Everyone was silent for a second, before they bombarded both of them with questions.
"You're a shapeshifter?!" Jesper and Nina were the firsts to ask.
"A bounty? What bounty?" Inej worriedly turned towards Y/N.
"How do you know each other?" Wylan asked curiously, shifting in his seat.
"Djel help me, she's a witch too," Matthias mumbled under his breath, hoping no one would hear him, but failing.
After multiple questions aimed at them, mostly at Y/N, Kaz grabbed his cane and tapped the floor twice, making the group shut up. He looked around then let his eyes glance to Y/N and nodded, before she began speaking.
"Look, I'm sorry for the unpleasant welcome, but when someone breaks into my workshop I tend to get defensive," she sent a knowing look to Kaz, but he didn't turn to meet her eyes, so she continued. "So, if you have any important questions about me, I'm ready to answer."
"Keep it short, we still have a job to discuss," Kaz ordered as he stretched out his bad leg and Y/N nodded, looking at the people at her table. She mostly told them about how she got into the Dregs, leaving out how she basically stole the job of a lady, when Inej spoke up.
"How long have you been a shapeshifter?" She asked curiously. "Since I was born, but I didn't found out about it until I was four, or five." Y/N answered earning a confused look from Jesper, as he spoke up. "So you could've just turned into, I don't know, a lion and rip my head off if I upset you?" "Depends on how angry you would've gotten me," Y/N shrugged her shoulders and Jesper swallowed. "I'll make sure not to piss you off from now on,"
"Wait," Nina said as she looked up from the table to Y/N with furrowed brows. "Didn't shapeshifters went extinct after the Darkling made the Fold?" Y/N let out a sigh as she looked at the curious Heartrender.
"Some of them escaped and went to Shu Han and Novyi Zem, eventually back to Ravka. It was a time centuries after the Fold was made, and everyone thought shapeshifters died out. But one night me and my brother were out late at night, and a patrolling grisha saw us using our powers. One thing led to another, and we escaped on a ship to Ketterdam. And now, here I am, with a pretty price on my pretty head." She let out a small grin at her last words as she crossed her arms, getting more relaxed as the talking continued. "So you're Ravkan?" Nina asked with a smile and Y/N nodded. "I was born in Os Kervo to be precise,"
Kaz groaned as he looked at his pocket watch. "I think that was enough, we need to establish the plan before we leave," he said which made Y/N roll her eyes. "Any more questions?" She asked and Jesper leaned on the table, slightly turning his body in her direction.
"Can you actually turn into a lion in three seconds?" She looked at him with a blank face before speaking. "Any more relevant questions?"
"No more questions for tonight." Kaz spoke up and opened his coat to pull out the map Wylan drew of the Ice Court, that still needed a few more details. "Or do all of you want to stay and discuss plans instead of sleeping?" He looked around the kitchen and everyone focused their attention on him.
Kaz quickly explained to Y/N what the others already heard at the club, the girl just nodding at some of his words, trying to lock the information in her mind. It was also a good opportunity for him to test how well the others listened, when they added extra information he intentionally left out of the conversation. When Y/N stepped closer to the map as Kaz began explaining how the security protocol worked, she furrowed her brows as her fingers traced the drawing.
"Wait, I know this place," she said quietly, like she wasn't sure of herself. "Yes, I definitely know this place. I was there 3 years ago, when Per Haskell sent me on a nameless job. I knew it looked familiar!"
Kaz looked at her with furrowed brows as he spoke. "You went to the Ice Court, but didn't know it was the Ice Court?"
"Yes," Y/N nodded her head. "I never got to know the name of the prison. My job was to spy on-" she stopped in the middle of her sentence and glanced at Kaz briefly, before looking back at the map. "Does Pekka Rollins knows about this job?"
Kaz tensed at the name of the man, but answered nonetheless. "There's a chance he heard about it," He said but quickly turned to Y/N with a suspicious look. "Why?"
Y/N scratched the back of her neck before answering. She looked somewhat nervous as she crossed her arms. "Because I have a feeling that if he finds out you're bringing me on this job, he's going to make sure we never come back. Me and you specifically."
"What exactly happened on the job 3 years ago?" Kaz asked impatiently, flexing his hands on the top of his cane. "What didn't," Y/N whined as she crossed the kitchen and grabbed a glass from the cabinet and poured something into it. After she poured it down her throat, she frowned and mumbled something.
"Uhh, we would like to know what the hell is happening right now," Jesper said and Kaz sent him an angry glare, but Jesper didn't break the eye contact.
"Kaz," Inej spoke on a neutral voice, "If you want us to cooperate you can't keep us in the dark,"
"Especially when your heart's faster than a race horse," Nina chimed in and Kaz looked at the heartrender, ready to snap, when Y/N spoke up.
"I'll clear it out for you," she put her drink down on the counter and turned to face them. "You might be wondering how me and Kaz know each other. Well, I was the one helping him steal the DeKappel from Pekka along with some other valuable items-"
"You didn't hel-" Kaz started but Y/N glared at him. "Shut up Kaz," she spoke and then continued, earning a surprised look from him. "-and selling them for a great price. When Pekka found out he set out a vendetta against Kaz, he couldn't care less about me, since he didn't know who I was. But I gave him a reason for wanting to kill me, after in Fjerda I made some pigeons shit on him. In front of a wealthy merchant he was meeting." She shifted from one feet to another. "Long story short, he became a joke to Ketterdam and now he wants my head. That is what happened 3 years ago." She shot a glance at Kaz, but he looked back at her with angry eyes.
"You just couldn't sit straight and spy, could you?" He hissed at Y/N and the girl glared back at him. "Funny. When you heard about it, you couldn't keep your face straight for 10 minutes," she said and Kaz snapped his head up at her so fast, it was a miracle his neck didn't break.
All of a sudden Jesper, Nina and Inej began laughing. While Inej tried to maintain her composure, the other two didn't even bother with such a thing. Their laughter filled the room and it made Y/N chuckle to herself, while Wylan began grinning too. Matthias' face turned into shock at her words. "Wasn't my finest moment," Y/N said.
"How the hell did you manage to do that?" Jesper asked, trying to contain his laughter. "I didn't want people to recognize me so I turned into a bird, a crow. And as I was sitting on the roof spying, those stupid pigeons were constantly chirping and it made me so annoyed, that I roared at them on a lion's voice. Unfortunately, a few of them heard the roar while flying, and when Pekka looked up at the roof he saw the black crow, and I think he made himself believe Kaz sent the bird for him," Y/N said which made Jesper laugh again. "He also saw me as I walked out of the alley where the merchant left him, and assumed Kaz sent me after him."
The lively conversation died down after that and they finnaly began discussing the security protocol of the Ice Court, the weakspots and other things.
What none of them noticed though, was that Kaz turned back to the map just a second later than the rest of them. Inej's eyes caught the faint smile that appeared on his lips for that one second, before turning back to his usual cold demeanour to discuss his plan. In any other scenario, she wouldn't have thought much about Kaz Brekker smiling, had he not been looking at the shapeshifter while doing so.
And if Nina checked his heartbeat for that second, she would've found out that the Bastard of the Barrel did have feelings, other than being annoyed or angry.
Especially for a certain shapeshifter.
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kurisus · 8 months
Text
Chapter 107-2 thoughts
🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
OKAY WELL!
Literally earlier, before the chapter came out, I'd said I'm not believing Hiyori is dead. They'd have to show Yato naming her to get me to believe that. And then this chapter happened. Fuck me, I guess!
It seems like the general reaction to this is that it's sad but I'm not really sad I'm just angry. As it is, we have two options: (1) this is all a fakeout, one last time, or (2) this is actually the intent and the series will end with Hiyori being made Yato's shinki.
Neither is really ideal. A fakeout this late in the game seems pointless and would likely involve an asspull of some sort, but the alternative is something that absolutely spits on the themes of the manga thus far and effectively negates the arcs of both Hiyori and Yato.
So all in all, I really wish they hadn't gone this route in the first place, but I'll take the lesser of two evils at this point. This manga has always been about overcoming tragedy, your past does not define you, the near and far shores cannot survive without one another but too much interaction disrupts the balance, et goddamn cetera. Making Hiyori Yato's shinki makes this story a tragedy, teaches Yato the same lesson he's already learned (HOSPITAL ARC), and eliminates the only near shore major character in the entire series.
Now the question remains: can they still reverse this? Like I'll take anything at this point, but is it even possible within the story's logic? I want to say yes, and I've already seen a few rumors flying--this dimension is all an illusion, the koto no ha is destroyed so the bubble is too, the gods can reverse all the people that have died from the creatures, it could be possible for Hiyori to become a god, etc.... I'm clinging on to that first one personally, but at the same time, I feel a looming dread because...Yato saw Hiyori's memories. He saw memories he didn't personally witness, which kind of makes me think this is the real deal. But I also really don't fucking want it to be?
"Ina wasn't your first fic for the fandom literally this exact concept" YES because what makes a good AU wouldn't always be good in canon, right? This was something I wanted to explore in the concept of fanfiction, because it's a different medium to play with different ideas. At the end of it, I kind of went, "phew, that sure would be bad, wouldn't it!" and went on with my life.
I dunno man. I'm just angry and sad and disappointed, and it's annoying to me as well to look back at all the other things they've resolved perfectly. I think of how flawlessly executed Yukine's arc was, and want to cry. Why can't Hiyori get this same luxury? Fakeout or not, her arc should've been her parting ways, preferably on her own terms, because that's what the story's been leading up to. Yes, her grandma told her to be with the one she loves, but I assumed that was just in the moment, and wasn't actually foreshadowing her death.
THE FUCKING. HOSPITAL ARC. SHE IS SIXTEEN YEARS OLD SHE CAN'T DIE YET. NOT UNTIL SHE'S AN OLD LADY!!!! YATO SAID SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT DID HE LEARN FROM THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER LOVE ANYTHING I FUCKING GUESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At this point I'm going to deny it either until Adachitoka says sike or the manga ends. But needless to say, my reread's been postponed. I've been putting it off because of being busy irl, but if I reread now I'll just be bitching the whole time, and I don't want to do that to myself, and I don't think you guys want to read that either.
If it ends this way, I'll be bruised and bitter for years. If Adachitoka says sike, and Father dies believing Hiyori is dead (cause what was up with him losing his eyes), I'll at least cherish this one small mercy, but man, this is a sore blow. I'm sorry that normally my thoughts are excited and this one's just angry, but I can't put a positive spin on this yet.
Feel free to send me your theories or copium. I'll devour them all until I get made a clown of once more.
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stars-of-kyber · 11 months
Note
Kanthony + 38?
38- “You fainted…straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention you didn’t have to go to such extremes.”
Ok, Anon, you inspired me.
Let's see Anthony and Kate and their completely crazy first date.
PS: I am a teacher. I am most certainly NOT a doctor nor do I claim to be. Most of the medical advice in this story came from @mimix007 who was a queen and helped me with the basic of humans.
Also, I NEED to thank all my girlies who read this but specially @waterlilyrose who embarked on this journey with me when I got the little lightbulb moment and sprinted and cheered me on me as I went through this whole mess today. Thank u <3
Enjoy!
If 24 hours earlier, someone told Kate Sharma she'd be sitting in a hospital room in the early hours of the morning, still in her nice green dress, heels and fancy lacy lingerie, her hair and make-up done, she would have called the person crazy. Maybe laughed to their face. 
And yet, there she was.
She’s been set up on a blind date by Ben, her coworker from the gallery. Apparently, she reminded him so much of his brother and he imagined they’d get along famously. 
Kate did not have the best track record with men, especially posh guys with more money than they knew what to do with, which was Ben’s family’s case, but her friend had shown her a photo and, well… the man was hot. Not just handsome. It was almost unfair how one man could be so sinfully attractive. 
Even if the date didn’t go anywhere, at least they could have a bit of fun. He looked like a guy who knew how to pleasure a woman in bed and Kate most certainly could use a guy like this in her life right now. Plus, Ben wouldn't set her up with someone who was a complete arse, would he? They were friends and he was a nice person, he wouldn't do something like that. 
Or maybe he would. Because Anthony Bridgerton seemed like a huge jerk. 
Anthony, that was Ben's brother's name, showed up to their date late, looking a bit worse to wear. Don't mistake her meaning, he was still one of the hottest men Kate'd ever lay her eyes on, but there were dark bags under his eyes and he looked pale and sweaty as if he was fighting off a nasty hangover. The first few buttons of his dress shirt were undone and his hair sticking up a bit as if he had run his hands through it a few times. She wouldn't judge him if he did though, his hair seemed perfect to run your hands through.
He didn't seem to be drunk. There was no telling alcohol smell and his speech was clear. But he wasn't really alright either. He pushed his food around on his plate without really eating and he barely touched a drop of the wine he had asked for. Hungover for sure. Kate tried interacting with him, asking questions and offering information about herself but Anthony looked distracted, taking a long time to answer her, if he listened to her at all.
By the time Anthony started excusing himself to go to the toilet,  Kate stood up as well. She was ready to tell him she was leaving and that if he hadn't wanted to have a date with her, he could have told her so and she wouldn't have wasted her time and energy trying to look her best. She really would have been less offended if he had just told her to her face he didn't want to meet her than whatever was going on that night. 
But before she could get more than two words out, Anthony's face went ghostly pale, his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he collapsed against her. They both went down, his skin clammy and feverish under her fingertips, his breaths heavy and raggedy. 
Kate was doing her best to remember the few first-aid lessons she'd taken in uni, but she wasn't sure how good that would be. The first step was always don't panic and she was already failing in that quite spectacularly. 
Perhaps he wasn't just being a rude arse, after all. 
Kate had yelled for someone to get an ambulance, they had patched him up in a gurney and Kate hadn't even thought twice before accepting the paramedic's help to climb in after him. 
Anthony had been rolled straight to surgery as soon as they rolled into the A&E and Kate was shown to a waiting room, a kind nurse telling her someone would give her an update soon. She tried calling Ben, to let him know what was going on, but somewhere during the chaos, her battery had died. She had Anthony's phone in her purse, but he had a password and all Kate managed to do was to block his phone for a full hour trying to guess it. 
It had been a couple of hours of waiting nervously when a doctor told her he had a problem with his appendix, but the surgery had been successful and her boyfriend would be up to a room soon and she could wait for him there. 
Kate only thanked the man and followed the nurse towards the lift without another word. What was she supposed to say? That they were on a sort-of-blind date, meeting for the first time and she had been sure he was a huge jerk until he passed out in her arms? 
No. That wouldn't do at all. Kate was just going to go along with it, wait for him to wake up and managed to call on a family member and when he was properly accompanied, she'd go home. That sounded like a reasonable plan.
And that's how Kate found herself half-dozing off on a not-very-comfortable hospital sofa on the sickbed of her sort-of-date as the first strakes of daylight started to colour the sky. 
That would most certainly be the craziest date Kate had ever been to. She doubted anything could ever come close to that. 
From the bed, Anthony groaned, squirming on the mattress before his eyes slowly started blinking awake. 
"What..." His voice was husky as he looked around, completely confused. "What happened?"
"You fainted…straight into my arms." Kate was up in a flash, reaching for the cup of water the nurse had instructed to give to him slowly. "You know, if you wanted my attention you didn’t have to go to such extremes.”
 He started to chuckle, which quickly turned into a pained whine, as he clutched his stomach. "Oh, ouch." 
"Oh God, I'm so sorry." Kate looked around desperately for something she could do to help, but of course, there was none. Damn her and her smart mouth. "I was trying to lighten up the mood."
"S'alright." Anthony waved her apology away. "Water?"
"Oh, yes! Here." Kate reached the side of the bed, helping him gently plop up enough to be able to sip on the cup. "Just go slow, the nurse said drinking too fast might make you sick.
"Too late for that, I guess." Kate looked up at him desperately, ready to bolt out to the corridor and find a nurse if he was feeling unwell, but instead, Anthony was smiling humorously at her. "Since I fainted and all." 
"That's not funny." She huffed, pushing the hair away from her face. 
"It is a little bit." 
"You had to have surgery!" She stared at him with narrow eyes. "Your appendix was inflamed. Or burst. Or something." 
"Which one was it?" Anthony groaned in pain as he let himself fall back against the soft hospital bed. "I think one of those things is considerably more severe than the other." 
"I don't know. I went to art school, not med school. " She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms in front of her chest defensively. "The doctor didn't tell me much and I was kinda nervous at the time to pay too close attention."
Kate thought he'd call her out on her stupid comment, or say anything about the situation he was in, but instead, he just turned his eyes on her and asked: "Can I have more water please?" 
"Right. Sure." Kate took the plastic cup back to the jar in the corner of the room, clearing her throat nervously. "I"m sorry I didn't call your family, by the way. My battery died and I couldn't unblock your phone."
"Thank God," Anthony whispered with a sigh as she stared at him with a raised eyebrow. "Please don't call them." 
"What do you mean?!" She squeaked. "You had surgery!" 
“Do you have any idea how much I'd hear for this?" Anthony looked at her face and then at the cup clutched to her hand. 
"Right, the water, sorry." Kate was back by the side of the bed. "What do you mean how much you'd hear?"
"I have a large family." He gulped the fresh water, sighing appreciatively. "My mother is... She's great but she's been telling me I need to slow down for a while now. If she learns I was sick and didn't get checked out, I wouldn't have a moment alone in the next two months."
"Trust me, I get the feeling. My stepmother is just the same." Mary Sharma was a force to be reckoned with when she wanted to be. She'd probably place Kate under house arrest and she didn't live in her family home anymore. "She'd probably force feed and not allow me out of the bed." 
"I have seven siblings." He chuckled and groaned again at her surprised face. 
"Seven!" 
"Yup." 
"I have one and she drives me insane." 
"My mum could have someone on every hour of the day sitting with me. I'd never be alone again." He told her dramatically. "I'd not put past her grounding me and taking away all my electronics." 
"I understand your suffering." Kate nodded sympathetically. "But I'm not letting you check out without anyone to watch over you. Is there a friend you can call?" 
"This would be Simon." Anthony shifted in bed with a whimper, trying to find a more comfortable position. "But he's gone and got engaged to my oldest baby sister, so I can't really trust him with it." He sighed. "He'd tell on me the moment the phone was off and Daph's almost as bad as my mother."
"Well, that would be less than ideal, I guess."  
"The only person I could trust to keep this quiet is Hyacinth, but somehow I don't see a 10-year-old being much help in this situation." He gave a half-shrug, clearly trying to keep his abdomen from jostling too much. "Well, her and Fran, but she's in Scotland and I won't have her miss classes to come watch over me." 
"Can't you talk to Ben?" Kate rested her elbow on the mattress next to his arm and her chin on her palm as she watched him gingerly reach up to muss his hair. 
"Ben's a tattletale and momma's boy. Mum can break him in less than a minute." 
"What's the least worse option, then?" 
"You really won't let me go on my own, will you?"
"Absolutely not." Anthony seemed to consider that for a moment before sighing defeatedly. 
"I'll end up calling Ben." He sighed dejectedly. "He'll probably be able to hold Mum back the longest. At least he's got a flat I can hide on for a bit."
"Sounds like a plan." They sat in companionable silence for a moment, Anthony's face twitching with discomfort as Kate chewed on her bottom lip, unsure of what to say or if she even should say anything at all. "I'm sorry for the date thing." He told her, the tip of his ears turning pink. "I promise I usually behave much better."
"Well, it is a bit funny... After all the panic passes, anyway." Kate chuckled awkwardly. 
"At least it's a story for the ages." His smile really was quite dashing, she had to admit. 
"That it is."  The silence that settled on them for a moment was a bit more light-hearted than the one before as Kate tried to gather the courage to speak. "Sorry, I really have to ask..." 
"Hum?"
"People say... Well, my sister had an inflamed appendix and that's a really painful thing." Anthony raised his eyebrow at her but did not speak. "And for you to faint, you were probably feeling pretty shity..." She trailed off, unsure of how to continue. "Why didn't... You could have just rescheduled the date, you know?" 
"I mean... yeah, I guess." His shrug was a bit self-conscious. "But I'm kinda used to some pain in my daily life. Like migraines from lack of sleep or gastritis from spending way too much time without eating or whatever stupid thing doctors like to go on about." Kate had to press her hand to her mouth to keep from laughing at the dismissive roll of his eyes. "And... I don't know... I really wanted to meet you. Ben talked a lot about you and, I'm not trying to be disrespectful or crude in any way but you're really beautiful." Kate felt a blush rise to her cheeks, unable to keep the tiny smile from creeping into her lips. "I wouldn't let a bit of normal pain get in the way of that." 
"I'd say you underestimated the levels of what's normal pain a bit there, didn't you?"
"I'll admit I didn't imagine it would get so much worse so fast." He admitted with a grim nod before his eyes softened as he turned them to her face, making heat pool even hotter in her cheeks. "Please tell me I didn't ruin things and I'll get another chance?"
"Well, that depends." Kate grinned, her eyes alight with mirth. "Will you faint on me again?" 
"Nop, never again." He shook his head, wincing as the movement sent a flare of pain up his side. 
"I suppose we can work something out then." His smile was so bright Kate desperately wished to feel it against her mouth. To feel if those lips were as soft and plump as they looked. And so, to hell with it, she did. 
Kate blamed the lack of sleep and the adrenaline and nerves from the night before for her poor impulse control. She leaned forwards, careful not to jostle the mattress too much and risk hurting him, and she pressed their lips together in the gentlest of kisses, just a brush followed by a little pressure before she pulled away. Anthony tried to chase her mouth, leaning forwards before grunting in pain. 
"Down boy." She laughed, something stirring at the pit of her stomach by the way his eyes darkened. 
"Come back here." His words were half a command, half a desperate plea. "Please." 
"You just had surgery." She reminded him with a gentle pat on his hand as she settled back on the seat, trying to ignore the spark of electricity that went through her arm at the touch. 
"One more." He pleaded, lacing their fingers together. "To help me heal faster." 
"Na-hum. You'll have to wait." She tutted at him. "I'm not having a doctor call me out for opening your stitches or something.”  
Anthony let his body rest in the bed, sighing in defeat, but he did not let go of her hand. Outside the window, the sun was slowly starting to show its bright face, making the sky turn a hundred different hues of blues, oranges and pinks. 
"Will you at least tell me how much the dinner was so I can refund you?" He asked and Kate froze in the spot, her eyes growing triple the size of her face. 
"Oh God..." She choked between a laugh and a desperate sob. Anthony's head snapped to look at her.  
"What?!" 
"You fainted and the ambulance came and they were taking you to the restaurant and I..." She covered her mouth with her hand, her face flooding with colour. "I didn't pay the bill." 
They stared at each other for a few silent moments before they burst out in laughter, Anthony clutching his side with a grimace. 
"Oh God, I can't believe I dined and dashed." Kate wanted to shove her head under a pillow, her face flooding with colour and her chest heaving from giggles she couldn't quite control. 
"Please stop making me laugh," Anthony begged, although it didn't seem he was having any success in stopping it either. "I just had surgery and laughing hurts."
"Hell! Sorry, oh my..." She snorted, burying her face in her palms, trying to control her breathing. "That's so embarrassing, oh lord..." 
And although it had been most certainly the weirdest date Kate had ever been to, she was quite certain it was one of the best ones, in the end. Well, after the panic passed, of course. 
Ben arrived a little more than two hours later and the moment he crossed through the room's large door, Kate was sure Anthony had made a mistake calling his brother and not his best friend because Ben looked livid. 
"What the hell is wrong with you?" The tallest man cried in a harsh tone, sending the two other people in the room, who had been talking since Anthony had woken up jumping in surprise. "Hey, Kate." He looked at her, his entire posture shifting for a moment. "Thanks for sitting with him." 
"S'all good, mate." She replied, blinking at the sudden change, and then Benedict's attention was back on his older brother, the sweet, funny man absolutely fuming. 
"I cannot believe you, Anthony Bridgerton! I don't even...." The painter breathed in deeply, making a visible attempt to calm down. "You had surgery...."
"Emergency surgery." Anthony corrected, which did not help at all in his brother's attempt at remaining calm. 
"You had SURGERY to remove your goddamn appendix and you didn't..." 
"It was my fault, Ben. My phone was down and..." Her friend stopped her words with a raised finger. 
"You did nothing wrong Kate, I'm actually really grateful for you sitting with him all night." His narrowed eyes didn't leave his brother's face. "You, on the other hand..."
"I am sick," Anthony warned. 
"How long have you been sick, you stubborn idiot?!" The youngest of the brothers roared. "That's why you looked like shit in Greg's competition last night!"
"I..." 
"And on Hyacinth's match!"  He looked accusingly at Anthony, who had the decency to look ashamed. "How much did you eat in the past two days?" 
"I don’t really see how..." The words were so low and jumbled Kate couldn't understand any of them. 
"Anthony!"
"Alright, you're annoying, Christ!" The eldest sibling finally spoke up. "I didn't eat anything, alright? I was feeling nauseous, couldn't keep anything down anyway." 
"You were drinking black coffee!" Benedict threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. "Why didn't you go to the goddamn doctor?! Are you trying to die?"
"You're being dramatic." 
"I'm so mad at you right now, I could punch you." 
"I didn't go to the doctor because I had a lot of shit to do, Benedict," Anthony spoke slowly. Apparently, his patience had run out. "I had a pile of documents waiting for me at work. There was Hy's game and Greg's swimming and Daphne's wedding planning. I sometimes have a stomachache, because according to that doctor you forced me to go, I have gastritis."
"You have gastritis because you spend days without any proper food, running on coffee and self-sacrifice, you pompous arse!" Ben retorted with a huff. "Hy and Greg would have understood if you missed ONE game or swimming competition. Daphne's wedding is more planned and organized than my life has been in the past, I don't know, ten years! And you haven't had a day off in three years, Anthony. The last time you did was because Hyacinth got a broken arm when she was seven." Ben clapped his hands in front of his face as if praying for something, although Kate wasn't exactly sure what. 
She couldn't judge Anthony too much. She worked two jobs and used to work three until she had a burnout crisis the year previous and Mary forced her to quit one, kept track of Edwina's grades, helped Mary with the house and the bills and still walked Newton every day. Her sleep schedule was erratic at best and she ate only because her stepmother called her periodically at meal times. 
Maybe Ben did have a point when he said she reminded him of his older brother. 
"I don't know why you're so mad at me." Anthony insisted. 
"You don't... You know what Ant, I'll tell you." The tallest brother lowered his hand with a strange fire in his eyes. "I'm mad because you think you are indestructible and you don't give a shit about your own health although you can spend literal hours lecturing us about ours. I'm mad because it didn't occur to you, at any point in the past week, to turn to me and say 'Ben, I'm feeling overwhelmed.' and..."
"I wasn't overwhelmed," Anthony scoffed in annoyance. "I had appendicitis." 
"It didn't occur to you, at any point, to turn to me, or to Simon, or to Daphne, or to anyone, to say 'I'm having a very strong pain in my abdomen and I can’t keep food down' and any of us would have gladly stepped up to help you with all the shit you needed to get done while you went to a goddamn doctor instead of having to get an emergency surgery in the middle of your date!" 
"Alright Benedict," Anthony mumbled with a mocking roll of his eyes. "next time I sneeze, I'll let..." 
Kate understood the reluctant feeling in Anthony's tone. It was hard to ask for help, especially when you had people depending on you for a long time. How did you turn to someone that came to you for absolutely everything for years and years and said 'I have too much on my shoulders, I need help.' without feeling like an absolute failure? And at the same time, without making them feel like failures because you never told them you were overwhelmed. 
Kate was also very, very bad at asking for help. 
"You know what, Anthony? I'm not going to try to reason with you. There is no point, you won't listen." Benedict sighed deeply, rubbing the bridge of his nose wearily. "I'm taking you to Mum's." 
"You're absolutely not." Anthony scoffed, trying to cross his arms stubbornly in front of his chest, but failing miserably when his entire face convulsed in pain. 
"I can't see how your sorry arse is going to stop me." Ben looked triumphantly at this older brother. "You are going to mum's and you are staying there until you are 100% recovered from your surgery and maybe  an extra week to be safe and you are going to eat three proper meals a day and work regular hours if mum allows you to work." 
"You're going to have to kill me," Anthony told his brother completely determined. 
"I am considering it." 
"I'm not going." 
"Oh, you are." Ben nodded his head and his grin was absolutely diabolical. If Edwina was looking at Kate like this, she'd probably have run for cover and it was clear in Anthony's face he would agree. "Please ask me how." 
"I'm not giving you the pleasure." Benedict just waved his grumpy brother's words away completely at ease. 
"It's not a problem, I'm telling you anyway." He rubbed his hands together and in Anthony's eyes, Kate could see he was considering just jumping out of the window not to suffer whatever fate his brother had planned for him. "Because I’ve already called mum," Ben lifted a finger, as if counting. "and Daph," One more finger up. "and I called your work and told them you're taking the next week as sick leave and are not to be disturbed." A third finger was lifted but he was clearly not done. "I have also already bribed Eloise with something she wants quite a whole lot so I think you'll be hard-pressed to get her to cooperate with you." With each finger that went up, Anthony's eyes went wider. "And to finish it off, I've spoken to Hyacinth and Greg." Benedict looked triumphant with his entire palm open in front of him. 
"What did you say to them?!" 
"I might or might not have implied that you are really sick and that if you don't rest, you might have a big health problem that will be a risk to your life." The taller man seemed to be feeling pleased to see Anthony so shocked in a way only a younger sibling could. "They're really scared, you know?" 
"So, you lied!" Anthony accused.
"No, I didn't, you lout! If you don't fucking rest you're going to rip a stitch and bleed inside out or something!" Benedict stormed. He had also been to Art school and was certainly not a doctor. "And honestly the worst they'll do is spend a shitton of time around you and you'd never complain about that." Anthony did not seem to have an answer for that. "What you really should be worried about is Daphne. She was talking about taking a few days from work to look after you." 
Honestly, if Anthony made an attempt to jump out of the window, Kate would probably help.
Anthony had been released from the hospital and into Benedict's clutches in the afternoon, with a list of medicine and doctors' orders to follow and several overprotective siblings to look after him at home. Kate did not envy him at all. 
She had awkwardly stood there as Anthony signed a pile of forms under his younger brother's watchful eye and asked them if anyone could call her an Uber, since her phone was dead, which immediately prompted Ben to offer to just drop her home. And that was how she found herself sitting in the back of a car with Anthony Bridgerton as his brother drove. 
He was sitting half-bent in what looked like an uncomfortable position, his mop of brown hair falling to his forehead, dark circles under his eyes. Kate just felt the desperate need to curl around him, have his arms around her, holding her tight. He had quite spectacular arms, really. 
She managed to fight back that one impulse, too afraid to hurt him if she tried. It didn't keep her from reaching out to his hand, lacing their fingers together. Anthony looked from her face to their joint hands back to her face, a tired but bright smile blooming on his lips. 
From the rear-view mirror, Kate could see Benedict's smirk, but she ignored it. She'd let him groat, at least for a little bit. He deserved it. 
The car pulled at the curb in front of her small block of flats and before she could think twice about it, Kate leaned forwards, kissing Anthony with another of those ridiculously soft kisses, their lips brushing together gently for a moment before she pulled away. 
"I thought you said I'd have to wait?" He asked, a satisfied smile gracing his lips as he looked at her. 
"Yeah, but I'm pretty sure you'll need something to help you keep sane in the next week." Kate giggled as he groaned. "And something for you to think of, you know? Until our next date. Once you're better." 
"I can't wait." 
And really neither could she.
Anthony was a model patient. An annoying one, the biggest pain in his siblings arse he could manage to be, but a good patient none the less. He took his meds, ate his food and rested. He complained and bitched and moaned every second of it, but he was doing it. He and Kate texted everyday and seeing a message from him light up her phone make a silly smile take over her face like a stupid teen with a crush. 
And finally, three weeks after their disastrous first day, Anthony got the all clear from the doctor and he was waiting for her at the door of a fancy restaurant, looking exactly like that hot, hot man Ben had shown her in a photo that had convinced her to accept the date. 
"You're not going to faint on me, are you, Mr Bridgerton?" Kate asked, with mirth on her smile as she approached him, enjoying the way his eyes raked darkly over her purple dress. 
"Not a chance, Miss Sharma." He barely got the words out before pulling her into his chest and finally, finally, kissing her properly. 
It was a kiss worth waiting for.
And a year and a half later, Anthony's eyes were still raking over her, this time with tears pooling on them as her mother walked her down the isle, the flowy white dress contrasting quite beautifully with her raven dark hair and the henna tattoos on her skin. 
"You're not gonna faint on me now, are you, Mr Bridgerton?" Kate asked for the thousenth time, smiling up at him as she let go of Mary's hand and took his. The smile he offered back was as bright as the sun. 
"Not a change, Mrs Bridgerton." 
Truly, that first date had been one of the best things in her life, after all. 
71 notes · View notes
kangshxrtie · 11 months
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ch. 12 ⤍ looking disrespectfully
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currently, you were live-streaming playing valorant with gaeul, jiwon, rei, and hyunseo. you were all on a winning streak.
since the games were going well, you only interacted with chat when you were dead,. 
as you were catching up thanking some subs and bits that you recived, you read a comment that got your attention immediately.
user1 GO TO KAZUHA'S STREAM RN
"why? i swear if she's doing something to expose me again i'm actually fighting her" since you were dead you decided to tab out and check her stream before the next round started. 
once you pulled her stream up, you immediately saw why people were urging you to join it.
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this girl is really shoving her abs in the camera and then smiling like innocently like she didn't do what she just did.
gameryn i am looking very disrespectfully rn 😍
gameryn I MOANED
once your team noticed you were out of the game and you weren't responding gaeul yelled at you, "y/n! y/n! get your head in the game!"
"shit" you freaked out tabbing back into the game, "sorry my bad. i'm here, ready to play. i'm back"
you quickly bought your loadout and ran to where the rest of the team was. you saw that you had a couple of more seconds before the round started, so you picked up your phone to send a quick message to kazuha.
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you played through the round, but once the last person was killed you opened up kazuha's stream on your second monitor. since she was doing a workout stream she wasn't paying as much attention to chat which led you to say whatever you wanted in the chat.
gameryn MY EYES ONLY PLZZ
gameryn THE WAY I'M ACTUALLY IN LUV
gameryn MY LITERAL LOVER
username1 kind of parasocial @gameryn
gameryn parasocial? we're literally dating
username2 that's funny because that's literally my wife @gameryn
gameryn don't lie, she's only loyal to me
gameryn i'm jk we can all be delulu together
kazuha finished the workout session and took the time to look at the comments. she responded to some questions, and laughed while reading your comments arguing with her community.
"y/n me and kkura were talking about how our video is almost at 100K. we're going to have to start planning part two soon"
gameryn SHE NOTICED ME
gameryn but damn i didn't know it would happen this soon
"i did tell everybody i know to like it so this would happen faster"
gameryn u really wanna see me again that bad😉
"and if it was" kazuha responded.
gameryn i mean i wouldn't complain
"but y/n we still have to plan a day for a horror game" kazuha reminded.
you almost closed out of her stream and acted like you never heard anything after that.
gameryn nvm y'all can have her
"come on we have to do it for the ynzuha shippers" she said referring to the number of people agreeing with her in chat.
gameryn nobody even asked for it until u brought it up
"please it'll be so fun" kazuha begged.
gameryn fine ig i'll do it...
"everybody take a screenshot so y/n can't back out" kazuha told her chat excitedly.
after that, you had the time to ask yourself why you just agreed, but you also had the time to notice that you were still in a valorant game.
"y/n is really quiet today" hyunseo pointed out.
"it's because y/n keeps tabbing out when she's dead" rei complained making you look back at the game and finally take notice of your death count compared to everyone else's.
"i'm actually not tabbing out anymore" you retorted. i'm just using my second monitor.
"if we want to win we need y/n to be 100% in" jiwon declared.
"i am 100% in. i only stop paying attention to the game when i'm dead"
"are you dying on purpose to do whatever you're distracted with"
"no of course not" you said not convincing anybody with the tone.
when kazuha ended her stream you closed out of the tab on your second monitor, putting your attention back on the game you were playing.
"okay, i will be fully focused from now on" you sat up in your seat, and leaned closer to your monitor.
and you were until kazuha responded to your text from earlier.
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"chat kazuha just invited me over but the last game just started" you told your chat as you put your phone down, "i need y'all to not snitch on me so i can get ready"
you turned your camera off so you could do your face routine and brush your teeth. didn't need anybody taking any screenshots of those moments.
you took the time while the game was loading in and the period of time before the first round starts to do a speed run of your face routine. luckily the game took forever to load in so by the time the first round was about to start you only had your face mask left.
rei noticing you were still afk asked you, "y/n what are you even doing right now"
"sorry i'm in the middle of my face routine right now" you apologized as you grabbed your face mask for the last step.
"ain't no way you're doing this again" rei said, "it's my rank up game y/n"
"i'm not even that distracted this time" you said as you ran to a random site.
the game was going well at 10-2 at the second half. everybody was warmed up, plus you had the dedication to get out of the game so you could leave and everybody else wanted to help rei rank up.
"this game needs to hurry up. i'm trying to get the fuck out of here" you expressed.
"same" hyunseo agreed, "are you tired too?"
"no, i'm going out after this game is over"
"since when?" gaeul asked.
"since i got invited" you answered like it was obvious.
"where are you even going? we don't have anything planned tonight" jiwon asked you.
"to hang out with one my friends" you informed her.
"huh? at this time?" jiwon checked her time again only to see it was indeed 11 o'clock.
"one of my friends just texted me and asked me to come over. it was last minute" you explained.
"can you at least finish the game"
"i am. i'm just getting ready so i can leave as soon as the game is over" you said.
at match point, you decided to brush your teeth which didn't turn out to be a good idea because you needed your other hand to actually play.
"sage and raze are both lit" you called out slightly muffled because you were brushing your teeth.
"huh? what did you even just say?" jiwon asked confused.
"sage and raze are both lit" you repeated after you moved the toothbrush out of your mouth.
"1 hookah, out hookah" jiwon one-tapped the sage killing her instantly.
jiwon sent out a blind while backing into garden.
"you win these liz" hyunseo whispered.
jiwon killed the last person with another one-tap winning the game.
you unmuted and cheered for both jiwon and rei, "congrats on ranking up rei. i'm so proud of you i really watched you grow up" you left the call not waiting for any type of response. you turned your camera back on to say your goodbyes to your stream. after ending the stream you got ready to leave for kazuha's house.
ALL CHAPTERS !!! | NEXT CH !!!
97 notes · View notes
archiveikemen · 1 year
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Liam Evans Main Story: Chapter 10
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I do not own any of the Ikemen Series content being uploaded on this blog, everything belongs to CYBIRD. Please support them by downloading and playing their games.
read this before interacting with my posts
(I don't know Liam’s heart.)
Maybe the star shining on stage wasn't there because he wanted to be, but because I wanted him to be.
== Flashback Start ==
Liam: Hey… want to kill me?
== Flashback End ==
(If she tried to kill him back then… would he have accepted it without hesitation?)
He couldn't have been serious, he just wanted to calm her anger.
I was in a dilemma about whether to believe it was simply to appease her, or to believe that he was serious about letting her kill him.
(There's no way he would…)
Elbert: … Kate?
Kate: … Sir… Sir Elbert.
Elbert: There's no turning back, so don't think so much about it anymore.
Kate: I’m sorry. I was in a daze.
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Elbert: …
Elbert: … My special ability is to bring back a person’s most painful memory.
Kate: ? … Yes, I witnessed it earlier.
Elbert: When I first met Liam… Victor advised me…
Elbert’s sorrowful gaze focused on Liam.
Heathcliff (Liam): “... Catherine is dead? Listen, Catherine. Become a ghost… and haunt me.”
Heathcliff (Liam): “Be with me always — take any form — drive me mad!”
Heathcliff (Liam): “Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!”
Heathcliff (Liam): “I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!”
Heathcliff (Liam): “You are my everything… Catherine!”
Elbert: … Not to step on Liam’s shadow.
Kate: Only Liam’s…?
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Elbert: Al once told me, “Liam is beautiful”.
Elbert: But…
Elbert: … Liam is beautiful, yet awfully miserable.
Kate: …
Kate: … I… I see.
Soon after Elbert and I returned to our seats in the audience, the story of “Wuthering Heights” came to an end.
After the final line was delivered, the audience fell silent—
Then came a round of thundering applause and loud cheers.
(... It’s a standing ovation.)
Everyone in the audience stood up from their seats and applauded passionately.
The applause grew louder when the actors came back on stage.
Liam: How did you find the “Wuthering Heights” play? Thank you all for coming to our theatre tonight.
At that moment, Marie muttered in a soft voice that was almost drowned out by the cheering.
Marie: The truth is… I already had it all figured out in my mind.
(...?)
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Elbert • Harrison: …
Marie: There’s no denying that Liam was the cause of Jacob’s death. … But he didn't do it on purpose.
Marie: I read in one of the letters that… he was very attached to Jacob.
Marie: Jacob is a man with an affectionate heart and strong sense of justice. … It was his own decision to protect Liam.
Marie: … That's the kind of man I fell in love with.
Marie: And yet… I… I couldn't clear my mind… so I resorted to resenting Liam.
Marie: When I did that… it felt so much… so much better.
A single tear fell from her eyes as she looked at Liam.
Marie: I… I want him to live.
Marie: I’m.. I’m glad he’s alive.
(... I can’t console her.)
Matters of the past, the loss of a life, a broken heart — none of those could be undone.
The only thing I could do was hug her while she wept, as if trying to cope with that reality.
I hoped that one day, her open wounds that rooted deep inside her would heal and turn into scars.
Liam made a good decision to overlook Marie’s countless wrongdoings.
Harrison, Elbert, and I had no objections if that was what Liam wanted.
I left the theatre to catch a carriage for Marie to go home.
Kate: See you. … Take care.
The gaze in Marie’s puffy eyes softened, and she gave me a small nod.
The coachman shook the reins and off her carriage went.
(... I have to go back to Liam.)
(I’ll tell him that he did a great job, and…)
(What else should I say to him?)
As I searched for the right words to say to Liam, someone tapped my shoulder from behind.
Kate: Liam…?
The person I saw when I turned around was—
After the curtains had fallen, the halls of the theatre were filled with audience members who were still in a state of feverish excitement.
Liam: Harry. Sir El.
Harrison: Oh, Liam.
Curly Hair Woman: Look, it's Liam. He looks great off-stage…
Freckles Woman: I wish I could get close enough to smell him. Oh, are the two handsome men next to him actors as well?
Even with guests’ eyes drawn to his looks, Liam’s eyes were frantically searching for Kate.
Liam: Uh… where’s Kate?
Harrison: Kate went to see that lady off.
Elbert: … She isn't back, huh.
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Liam: …
Liam: … I’m getting worried. I’ll go look for her.
Liam’s rose coloured hair swayed as he rushed through the waves of people.
Curly Hair Woman: Liam!? Where are you going…?
Freckles Woman: Can we talk to you—
Liam: Thank you, but not right now. Please excuse me.
Something fell at Liam’s feet with a clang.
It was a wooden cane.
Liam swiftly picked it up and offered it to the hooded man next to him—
Liam: Um, is this yours?
The hooded man nodded and took the cane from Liam’s hand.
Liam: Please be careful. Thank you for coming tonight.
Liam said with a nod and immediately continued sprinting towards Kate.
Kate: Ugh, let go of me. … Let go!
I was dragged into an alley, and looked up at the men who grabbed me.
When I turned around after someone tapped my shoulder earlier, standing there was — two young men I had never met before.
Without as much as a self-introduction, they simply grabbed me and dragged me into this empty alley.
(... Who knows what they’ll do to me if I get violent. I should try buying myself some time by talking to them.)
I had a tiny bit of hope that someone would notice us and come to my rescue.
Kate: Why did you bring me here…?
Young Man with Piercings: Your stage actor man got handsy with my woman.
(Is he referring to Liam? These guys… they think I’m Liam’s girlfriend.)
Young Man with Piercings: It was definitely my woman who seduced him first. … She’s a big fan of that man.
Young Man with Piercings: That man knew she was taken, and yet he still held her in his arms. … Damn it, that shameless bastard!
Brown Haired Man: Just one night with him was enough to have her absolutely smitten. She ended a 100 year romantic relationship because of him.
Young Man with Piercings: Ggh, don't say anything unnecessary…!
Hearing that he held a woman in his arms caused a dull aching in my chest, and an uncomfortable feeling spread through my heart at the same time.
(“Just one night” means that Liam is no longer in contact with that woman…)
The Liam I knew was affectionate and cherished interpersonal relationships.
It was hard to imagine him doing such a thing.
(Could it be that… Liam held her because “it’s what she wanted”?)
(If it was against Liam’s will…)
Young Man with Piercings: If it weren't for that man… we wouldn't have broken up.
Young Man with Piercings: Therefore, to make him feel the same way I did…
He strengthened his grip on my arm, and it grew tighter and tighter.
Young Man with Piercings: If you’re obedient, I’ll make you feel good… got it?
(... I need to escape.)
The first thing that came to mind was an image of Liam.
(... Liam, save me.)
Kate: Mmph—!
A hand was slapped over my mouth when I tried to scream, muffling my voice.
A dreadful feeling crawled up my back, and I desperately tried to break free, when—
???: … Hey, what are you doing? Let go of that girl.
I looked up when I heard that familiar voice.
Liam was standing there, huffing and puffing.
(... Liam.)
Liam: I don't know what happened, but… give that girl back to me.
With a fearless smile, Liam closed the distance between us with movements as nimble as a cat’s—
Young Man with Piercings: Gguh…!?
He twisted the man’s arm with one hand, and pulled me to his side by the waist with another.
Liam: I kept you waiting, Kate. Are you injur—… ah.
My wrists were grabbed so tightly that there were finger marks on them.
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Liam: That’s…
Kate: I’m fine, Liam. These marks will disappear soon, so I’m not injured—
Young Man with Piercings: … Why the hell are you playing victim? This is all your fault!
Liam: … What?
Young Man with Piercings: If you hadn't fooled around with my woman, we wouldn't be after you.
Liam: … That means, it’s my fault this happened to Kate?
Young Man with Piercings: Yes, that’s right. All of this, everything, is your fault. If it weren't for you…!
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Liam: …
Liam: I see… I… again…
Liam: Ahh… it's always like this…
(... Liam?)
Liam: …
Liam’s rose coloured eyes grew as dark as a cloudy sky before a thunderstorm.
While I was feeling perplexed because it was the first time witnessing that side of him, his thin lips curled into a smile.
Liam: … Pfft, … haha, hahaha
Young Man with Piercings: … Wha… Why are you laughing…
Brown Haired Man: … Oi… what’s with this guy…
Liam: Fufu… fine, you just want to get rid of me, right?
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Liam: Then let’s try to kill one another, starting now! … Haha, I wonder if you two can even kill me…?
Fear crawled over me when I saw Liam’s dark eyes and unsettling smile.
— The most bothersome side effect caused by his cat curse is… having an episode.
Whenever an episode is triggered, things will get complicated and worrying.
(... Could it be that he’s having an episode now?)
Liam: Well then, let the fun and games begin. … Hah, caught you.
Young Man with Piercings: *gasp*...!
Liam easily reached his arms around the man and pinned his hands behind his back.
Liam: Ahh, you got caught so quickly. … You should try to escape.
Before I knew it, Liam had a dagger held at that young man’s throat—
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Liam: I’m going to kill you before you can kill me, you know?
His curiosity-seeking smile made my skin crawl.
(If this goes on, Liam will kill someone…)
My voice caught in my throat out of fear, I could barely speak.
Kate: Liam, no…!
Liam: …?
Liam: Kate…?
(... Until now, I still don’t understand Liam’s heart.)
(Even though I’ve been by his side for so long.)
There's no denying that truth.
(However, even so…)
Crown’s mission was to fight evil with evil, even if they had to take people’s lives.
Liam would never let me see it, but he’s definitely had blood on his hands.
But, as much as possible, I want him to avoid getting his hands dirty.
It was so that the gentle part of Liam would remain unharmed.
(... Please. I have to let him know.)
Kate: … Liam. I don't want you to do this. I’m really fine, therefore—
Kate: Shall we go home together…?
Liam: … Ggrh.
Liam’s eyes shook as the darkness faded from his eyes.
Liam: Ah—...
Liam: … Okay.
Liam: Sorry… I almost did something wrong again…
(...?)
Liam: You don't want me to kill them, right…?
Kate: … Yes.
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Liam: Is that what you want…?
Kate: … Y-Yes.
Liam: Mm, okay then. I’ll do whatever Kate says.
Liam: It's okay. I won’t do anything wrong this time. I surely, most definitely, won’t do anything wrong.
Liam: Because I care a lot about you.
Liam released the man who had his hands pinned behind his back, and tossed his dagger aside.
Liam: Kate, this is just for a short while— I’m sorry, alright?
Liam put an arm behind my knees and lifted me up in a princess carry—
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rupertsfangirl · 4 months
Text
A Dungeon of Our Own ch. 1 | Draco Malfoy Series
This is the 3rd person ver.
Summary: It's the 2000s now and Draco is trying to clean himself up after the end of the 2nd wizarding war. His parents' supremacist ideals need to go but he’s not sure where to start. Maybe interacting in the muggle world. They can't be that bad. 
Tags & Warnings: A tad of angst (more to come), slowburn, enemies to lovers but like if someone coughed E to L on it. Think I missed a tag or warning? Please let me know!
Word count: 1.1k Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader
A/N: I have written this in two styles (1st & 3rd) because I wasn’t sure which I liked more so I figured you lot could decide; here is a link to the 1st person version. I will continue to write in the style of whichever one is more popular,. warning they are mostly the same but some of how things happen is written a bit different. I might do the second chapter in both styles since we’ll be following y/n instead but I’m not sure (I think i'm leaning towards 3rd person) Anyway, please enjoy the start to this slow burn. Warning I may not be doing these character justice sorry If I don't. I also might be slow on updates as I’m starting back in school and It’s going to be hectic; I just know it :\ 
Sorry for grammar mistakes
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“Draco, listen we’re all worried about you.”
“No, last I checked it was just you.” Although it was only Theo in a painting it was definitely still Theo. 
“Theo! *Sigh* Ignore him.” Draco shifted in his seat avoiding eye contact with Pansy’s concerned eyes. He kept his calm and cool appearance on the outside as he always tried to. 
“I really don’t understand how keeping these ideals is going to help me.” Draco leaned against the chair arm, resting his chin on his hand and looking toward the window where a small group of birds caught his eye. Being a bird doesn’t seem too bad. Pansy and Theo had begun bickering about something; Blaise kept his methodical quietness but expressed everything through twitches on his face. Draco continued to drown out the people around him, he was busy avoiding the thoughts in his head. He didn’t want to think about it, his parents had brought him up this way, and yes he knew it was wrong and that it hadn’t done him any favors in the past; but he felt like removing these values was like a betrayal to his parents, a betrayal of everything he knew. He knew he could face himself but the disappointment from his parents was something he wasn't sure he was ready to take. 
“Draco…Draco, are you listening to me?”
“Hmm, oh yes”
Pansy rolled her eyes at him, “Anyway, I just don’t think it’ll do you good. I know you think it will help you…deconstruct and get a better idea of muggles, but I just don’t get it. What do your parents think?” Blaise scoffed at Pansy putting his hand in front of his mouth. “Oh don’t you start. You ought to be telling him off too.”
“Well isn’t it obvious what his parents would say? However I doubt he’s told them.” Blaise sat up straighter in his chair, which didn't seem possible as his posture was already perfect. “Have you?”
His eyes glanced at Draco and made him just about ready to kick them all out. 
“No, I haven’t and you better not.” Draco sneered. 
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” They stared each other down until Draco gave him a squint of approval. 
“All of you should leave. My parents will be home soon and they aren’t expecting company for dinner.” Pansy looked a bit glum at having to leave but listened as Blaise held the door open for her, “Oh and Take him with you.” Draco stood up and pointed to the painting of Theo. Blaise briskly snatched it from the chair it had been placed in earlier and walked out through the door disappearing into the hall after Pansy. Draco crumpled back into his chair placing his forehead into his hands. He felt alone, he felt maybe he shouldn’t change but the world around him is. His parents won’t be here forever to loom over him, of course he knew they loved him and only wanted the best for him and he loved them for that. However, his parents' supremacist values only sunk them into trouble and he knew especially with everything that had happened that they would only drag him down in his adulthood. He of course had no support in helping him reform himself and he was slowly trying to distance himself from Pansy, Blaise and Theo as none of them were going to help him. He hoped for Pansy as she seemed the least harsh in her views but it seemed futile. In the corner of his eye he spotted the birds again and walked to the window to watch them but when he reached the glass he could no longer see the birds. He decided to go outside, take a walk , try to clear his head, and maybe spot those birds again.
The garden’s lush greenery always helped Draco clear his mind but the clouds above seemed to reflect his clouded mind. He walked on the stone path which had become a bit overgrown—he’d have someone fix it with magic later—and although he occasionally stopped to admire a flower he kept his eyes on the sky. He hoped to spot the birds he had seen earlier but to no avail. After about a 5 minute walk he reached a hazel tree hidden in the back. His mother had insisted on the garden having one as she enjoyed the scent it produced, Draco felt the same way. He pulled himself up onto one of the thick low hanging branches and lost himself in the pages of a book. He stayed buried in it until he heard his mother call him for dinner. 
Dinner was mostly quiet besides the clinking of silverware against the expensive glass plates. 
Narcissa kept side eyeing Lucius eventually resorting to pretending to clear her throat, he finally got the hint and turned to look at Draco. 
“Draco, you know I will be going on a trip to Australia due to the discovery of quite a few dark artifacts. Although I planned to go alone I have decided to extend an invitation to you. I know you said you were interested in the dark artifacts I collect.” Draco turned to look towards his father who seemed to be making a see-I-can-be-nice face at Narcissa. 
“Don’t you think the idea is wonderful?” She gave a small smile toward Draco. 
“Yes I like the idea-” He paused, not ready to deliver the sentence, “-but I already had plans for that day.” Draco hated that he was answering this way but he needed both of his parents out of the manor for a while so he could go to the muggle world.
“Ha, see he doesn’t want to go, like I said.” Lucius took a bite of food as Narcissa gave a small kick to his shin under the table. His eyes squinted at her as she burned holes through him; Draco kept his eyes fixed on his plate. 
“Why don’t you two go?” Draco offered to try to get them to calm down. His mothers eyes softened as she started to ponder the idea, seemingly liking it. His father seemed more uncertain, not upset, but not in complete agreement at the idea. 
“Well, we’ll need to discuss it.” He looked toward Narcissa. 
“I don’t see what’s there to discuss. If he could have gone, why can’t I? It would be the same arrangement, no?”
“Well I mean…”
“It’s settled, I'll come with you.”
“What about Draco?”
“He can take care of himself, and he can always contact me if he needs me.” Draco nodded, his plan was working well. His father sighed but gave in. Dinner ended soon after and Draco went to his room preparing himself for his day among muggles. 
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musicalchaos07 · 2 months
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Have you noticed that Nancy is much more meek, “feminine,” and at times flirtatious with Steve than with Jonathan? I notice this in season 4 especially and I’m just curious for your thoughts because I ship Jancy too and season 4 confuses me. She seems to like to let Steve do the talking and is a girl of few words in those times. For example when he’s talking about his future kids thing and her responses are “Six?” “That sounds…nice” and other brief “flirty” comments (I would just say they are polite comments). It’s weird to me because to me it feels like the Nancy we see with Steve in season 4 particularly is…wildly different than previous seasons and how season 3 Nancy is with Jonathan. She just genuinely seems to have no filter with Jonathan whatsoever. She doesn’t go quiet, she doesn’t bat her eyelashes, she definitely wouldn’t say “All better” after pulling spider webs out of his hair, I feel like she’d be teasing him the whole time…
Hi Nonny,
I've definitely noticed. It's hard not to tbh. I think, and this is just my personal interpretation, it's intentional on the writers part. Because as you mentioned she's not that way with Jonathan. But more than that, she's not that way with anyone else she interacts with in s4. And the only other time we really see her interact in that "meek" way is with her bosses in s3. And even then she had an earlier breaking point. And I would argue that we do see moments of her true character in s4 when she's interacting with Steve she says "except the six kids part that sounds like a nightmare" and post-Vecna vision she's very much arguing with him and taking back the role of leader.
All this to say St*ncy is forced conformity plain and simple. Since, season 1 we're told that Nancy isn't herself around Steve. Lucas says it, Barb says it and Jonathan says it. But from s2 we see that Nancy has a habit of retreating to "normalcy" especially when she wants to be comforted. She sacrifices who she is and what she wants for the comfort or easiness of Steve. But there's always a breaking point. It's part of Stranger Things overall lesson in not changing for other people. (which we see tie into "date someone you actually like" Will & Mike's entire fight in s3 "normal is a raging psychopath" etc)
Especially, when you consider that Nancy gets more comfort/care from Jonathan when she's just being herself. Nancy and Jonathan don't have any pre-conceived or idealized versions of each other to live up to. They've seen each other at their worst, they've called each other out on their shit multiple times. Of COURSE, there's more of familiarity between them. And their very first fight is over Nancy pretending to be someone else which in itself helps to drop any pretenses between them.
Personally, what I think it boils down to is Nancy falling back into bad habits because she's desperate for a sense of connection with someone in s4 because Jonathan isn't there. And I think we're supposed to notice those changes but unfortunately some people don't.
Anyway, tldr st*ncy = forced conformity
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