#i love the allay more than i thought i would initially

[flunkett]

will forever love the new mobs

#so fucking cool #i love the allay more than i thought i would initially #i thought it would be like the glow squid or phantom and we would all dislike it #but no #the allay is up there in my favourite mobs #mineblr

[bird-inacage]

Love in the Air: Prapai’s Rescue of Sky (The Ambush Aftermath)

I always knew, KNEW that I would have to write a deep dive on the Sky & Prapai aftermath scenes (following Sky’s ambush). I knew that they were going to be emotionally weighty and encompass some of the most incredible acting of the series. These scenes deserve every bit of neurotic over-analysis.

Part 1: "Answer me!”

When Prapai first approaches Sky after the attack, Sky is clearly shell-shocked, unresponsive and already starting to shut down. Note that Prapai begins by calling out to Sky in a neutral tone. When Prapai quickly realises that Sky is not responding to him, he panics. Panics severely. So he raises his voice and shakes Sky, and raises his voice again. He literally yells “Answer me!”

This is the line that really hit me, because I wasn’t expecting it at all. We always see Prapai as being very soft and coaxing with Sky. In Sky’s most vulnerable moment yet, Prapai yells harder than we’ve ever heard him raise his voice. Now note that this is not a yell at Sky, but for Sky. He sees that Sky is shutting down, which is a really bad sign. And Prapai, out of sheer desperation and panic, shouts in an attempt to get through to him.

And most importantly, it works. It’s amazing how Prapai instinctively seems to know what he needs to do to reach Sky in the quickest way possible. He demonstrated this in the notebook scene, and now here too.

Once Sky finally registers that Prapai is there with him, he immediately pleads. Now this is the first time Prapai has gotten any direct reference to what Sky went through. Nothing further really warrants being said. The implication is loud and clear. Prapai appears to be stunned at first, taken aback by what he’s hearing. Slowly but surely registering this information as the pieces begin to fall into place in his head. It’s incredibly difficult to process such upsetting information all at once. Also because he’d probably never, ever, even contemplated that Sky’s trauma could be in connection to something as heinous and cruel as this.

We see Prapai grimace, bow his head in both anger and heartbreak over what he’s just heard. For all the tumultuous feelings that must be crushing him in that moment, he reigns them all in. Desperately squashes down his absolute fury for the sake of the person trembling before him. He collects himself to ensure he is who Sky needs to be. The gentle, soothing, reassuring Prapai. The protective Prapai. He immediately responds to Sky’s questions in an attempt to allay any spiralling thoughts Sky may have. He returns to a soft tone of voice. It’s almost like Prapai doesn’t want to risk spooking Sky any further.

Part 2: “I told you to cry! I’m begging you!”

It’s Sky’s need for Prapai that snaps him out of beating the shit out of Gun. Rain’s calls of alarm, divert Prapai’s attention. Yes, he understandably wants revenge. Yes, he desperately wants this man to feel even a tiny fraction of what he’s inflicted on Sky. But Sky comes first and above all else. Always.

When Prapai returns to Sky, Sky is visibly numb. Sky is starting to repress in an attempt to avoid feeling anything. And this is where we see Prapai quickly break down. After the initial adrenaline of getting Sky out of danger, then taking his anger out on said danger, Prapai only has heartbreak and worry remaining. Prapai has never seen Sky in this state. He’s seen varying degrees of sadness or grief, he’s seen Sky cry, wail and sob. But he’s never seen Sky retreat into himself like this.

It’s the most extreme form of Sky’s defence mechanisms. Prapai knows that this is only pushing down the torrent of pain and internalising it. This will only do Sky more harm in the long-term. Prapai has seen Sky display signs of an already fractured state to his mental health, and Prapai can’t allow Sky to inadvertently hurt himself further. Prapai can’t afford to lose Sky now, not emotionally, not mentally, not at all. Not when he loves him so dearly. Not when they just started to be so happy.

So Prapai begins to plead for Sky to feel something - to cry, to exhibit any form of emotion. Because the way Sky is retreating, is like Sky disappearing in front of Prapai’s very eyes. He’s watching the person he loves become a shell, a husk. Sky being numb is a way of shutting everything out. Not just his pain, but potentially all his other emotions too - including his love for Prapai.

And it’s not just numbness. There’s also a heavy sense of weariness. Sky looks so distant and tired, like he’s given up fighting. Like he doesn’t want to fight for himself anymore. He’s so exhausted and battle-worn from just fending off the residual trauma, let alone this entire situation on top of that. If you follow that line of thought, I’m sure you’d understand in a heartbeat why Sky’s response worries Prapai so much.

Crying is a form of release. And that’s what Prapai wants for Sky. He wants Sky to at least release the pain and hurt he’s holding in. He doesn’t want Sky to be compromised as a result of this. He wants Sky to stay his Sky. His every command to Sky is almost like he’s praying, ‘please baby, please fight for me, please come back to me, don’t leave me, don’t give up, not like this’.

In the midst of Sky’s catatonic state, he stops to ask why Prapai is crying. He does this again in the scene after as well. There’s something innate in Sky, something still fundamental that is compassionate. That is loving. In the middle of all his own torment and suffering, the pain he sees Prapai going through pulls him out a fraction. But the question also genuinely comes from the voice of a younger, broken Sky. The Sky who is asking ‘Why are you crying for me? Why would you care enough to cry for me? No one cares about me, right? My sadness is worth nothing, right? I’m worthless aren’t I?’

The absolute killer is that Prapai understands. He sees and knows Sky far better than Sky realises. He knows what Sky is thinking, how Sky is thinking. He now sees even more clearly why Sky thinks the way that he does.

“If you can’t cry, I’ll cry for you. If you suffer, I’ll suffer with you. If you’re in pain, I’ll be in pain too.”

Prapai’s vow explains to Sky that it’s no longer just you and me anymore. We are one. Everything we experience, we share. It doesn’t just communicate how Prapai will help shoulder Sky’s pain and his burdens, but that it is physically impossible for Prapai to consider himself independent of Sky anymore. It’s a reiteration to Sky that’s he’s not alone. He’ll never be alone again. ‘You can’t shut me out, you can’t leave me behind, because wherever you go, I go. Whatever you feel, I feel.’

When Prapai says to Sky, “let me cry in your stead”, this comes from a place of immense understanding that Sky has been through so much pain, that perhaps he feels he has no more tears left to cry. Nothing left in him to even muster the response. And if that’s the case then Prapai will be his vessel, and will let these emotions out on his behalf.

His last phrase, “I’ll be in pain too” almost feels like another attempt to shake Sky out of his state of shock. He realises that Sky may be able to pull himself out of misery, if motivated by his respective concern and love for Prapai. If Sky is acutely aware that wherever he goes, Prapai will follow, then he may be more conscious about trying not to let himself slip off the precipice.

And finally Prapai reiterates that despite everything, despite the revelation, he still loves Sky. Of course he does. But Sky needed to hear that. He was so worried about how Prapai would react after finding out about his abuse. He refers to himself as ‘damaged goods’ in a later scene. He probably thought that Prapai would find him shameful, dirty, untouchable. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

It’s once again Prapai’s love that pulls Sky back from the brink, that rescues Sky from imminent self-destruction. Prapai’s assurance that he will stay, that he will continue to love Sky no matter what, is what snaps Sky out of his sinking pit of despair. And when he does, the deluge of emotions he was trying so desperately to restrain, all rise to the surface.

I found the performances from both Fort and Peat to be absolutely arresting. And not just the body language, but the line delivery was a huge part of how the scenes impacted me. This is by no means an easy subject matter to tackle for any actor, so I am immensely proud of these boys.

#LITA #love in the air #love in the air series #love in the air episode 13 #LITA finale #LITA meta #LITA analysis #prapaisky #paisky #prapai x sky #sky x prapai #these scenes were beautiful #yes they hurt like a bitch #some of the most glorious dialogue was uttered #the utter love and desperation

[bluiex]

:D anon totally not procrastinating on writing that fic because of burnout here with some headcanons (mostly Scarian, one Rancher)

The Rancher one first:

Tango was absolutely going to flip the server upside down when Scar burned the ranch. Seething with rage, becoming deaf to the cries of the world. They got there too little too late to put out the flames and had to watch their home crumble. It didn’t help that the others threw out suggestions that they should get their revenge on Scar, but Jimmy knew better. As much as he wanted to get back at Scar, too, going into a blind rage wouldn’t solve anything, but make matters worse. Jimmy tries to keep Tango grounded, calling out to him and pulling him back to earth. He holds onto his soulmate’s arms, suffering searing scorch marks on his palms due to the netherborn’s flames on his body. Despite this Jimmy keeps talking to him, trying to get through to him, calm him down. It works, and Tango is glad to see his soulmate safe and sound other than the burns on his hands. He feels awful, truly, and treats his wounds and builds a good chunk of their new home as an apology. Jimmy can see just how on edge and heartbroken Tango is, and just cuddles in bed with him that night, reminding them that they’re safe, and they’re going to have their revenge with time.

Now for the Scarian ones!!

Vex Scar and Allay Grian time ehehehehhe. The gentle giant predator and the feisty tiny gremlin, a complete reversal on their roles. The Vex consider Scar to be very soft-hearted and the Allay think that Grian is too unrelenting. When they meet it’s more or less an initial shock that the other is not what they’d thought would be. They fit in with each other’s natures. After getting together, it wouldn’t take long before they’re found out, but they have a chance at appealing to their enemy’s family. Scar is very nice and gentle like the Allay, and Grian is not as weak or naïve as the Vex initially thought.

(My headcanon) They don’t think about having kids in the conventional sense. They mostly adopt animals who are injured or need a home. Jellie will obviously be Scar’s lifelong companion, but the others like Pizza, the Allay, and the Jellie Pandas, and any wayward creatures who need a warm place to rest will be welcomed with open arms. Grian admires how nurturing Scar is towards animals, and treats them like his own children. Scar might have once caught a glimpse of Grian tucked away in his nest with a baby animal, and Scar’s heart just melting at the wholesome overload.

Scar’s Vex side allows him to sense strong sources of magic, see through illusions and mirages, etc. When he meets Grian, he doesn’t exactly see it right away, but he senses a lot of ominous magical energy surrounding him. As he gets to know him more and more, that illusion is chipped away and he recognizes that Grian is a Watcher. (He also notices other Watcher/Listener-aligned Hermits, too.) This happens over the course of their friendship, and he realizes it only after Third Life. He confronts Grian about it, but he’s super understanding about it, which surprises Grian, and he trusts Scar to keep this secret from the others.

Just general fluff. They need to cuddle. Playful banter. Soft kissies. Words of encouragement. Hugs. Something so sickeningly sweet that it gives someone cavities >:’( <333

(its ok im on burnout as well lmfao, take your time! no rush<3)

dslkghsalkgh I love me some soft rancher. Jimmy just calming down a seething Tango, whos just all flamey and shit. Touches and hugs him anyways

LOVE LOVE LOVE! Vex Scar being the soft one, very happy carefree lil guy. And Grian being the unhinged one lmao. So cute i love it

FUR BABIES!! Yeees they have lil fur babies all the time. Jellie being the main one-

Yeees. I personally really love that Scar, being vex, can tell and sense Grian's watcher magic. and Scar is just like hella interested in it and asks SO many questions about it

yesyesyesyes please tons of cuddles and kisses and being so sickingly sweet to one another

#scarian #team rancher #bluie gets an ask poggers #long post

[ransprang]

Hello! My name is Isabelle and I would like to request a male, romantic, SFW + NSFW match-up for Harry Potter and Avatar, please and thank you :)

I've been told that I am a very blunt and direct person. I'm a realist and tend towards being a little pessimistic. However, this makes me a very honest person, which people appreciate, and know that I won't sugar coat anything that needs to be said. I am mainly extroverted but only if I have to be and/or with people I enjoy being around. I am a big flirt but I prefer getting into a meaningful relationship with someone and focusing that flirting energy on them (if that makes sense). I have a very dark/dry sense of humour and honestly, I have the propensity to say the wrong things at the wrong time. I value learning and believe that there is always something to learn and improve on.

For hobbies, I enjoy reading a lot and cooking. I am a geochemist so for work I go on hikes a lot to collect and identify rocks/fossils/foliage samples to bring back to my lab. I also enjoy ballroom dancing and am classically trained in piano.

I like guys who display themselves as powerful and in-charge but would not be afraid to let me take reign once in a while. I am a possessive and jealous person so I like guys who will feel the same way towards me (respectfully of course I don't like being treated just as an object). Someone protective of their loved ones is a plus. I cannot stand being with someone who cannot support me in my accomplishments and prefer a man who can hold themselves intelligently. I am not one for PDA and publically announcing my love, so a man who prefers a more intimate relationship is nice.

I am an ENTJ Ravenclaw Aries with fairly long black hair (the underside is currently bleached), dark brown (almost black) eyes, and tanned skin. I'm 5'3 and have a thicker hourglass figure. My style most days is very dark academia. My love language is split between words of affirmation and quality time.

Sorry, this is a lot longer than I thought it would be! But thank you again for doing this ❤️

hii thank you for the request :D

Your Harry Potter match up is...........MOODY!!!

SFW

Moody is a suspicious, paranoid bastard so he'd love your blunt and direct attitude. He would appreciate your realistic mindset because he can rely on you as an anchor when he gets too paranoid.

He would also appreciate your pessimistic side, knowing you wouldn't judge him for being paranoid in a world of murderous racist wizards.

Your and Moody's sense of humour would match and he would be able to make all the cripple jokes he wants because of his leg :0

Flirting with Moody would catch him off guard in the way he least expects it. He's always alert to signs of other people harming him, but someone being actually attracted to him? Initially he would be suspicious of it because of his insecurities but over time he would begin to trust you and you'd leave the man would be shaking on that peg leg.

Although the books never showed Moody being particularly powerful he's actually one of the greatest wizards of his generation having survived all the battles and trauma the poor fella has suffered. Scars like that ain't cheap. He definitely knows how to take charge of a room and wise and experienced enough to let other people take charge when he needs to.

Tbh Moody probably doesn't date often, but if you cross his barriers and do manage to get into his heart he isn't letting you go easy. He would be possessive and jealous. Although you would probably have to reassure him about cheating just to allay his suspicions.

N/SFW

Moody in bed is a delicious concept. You could take your time tracing, licking and biting each scar on his strong, thick dad bod.

His fake eye would be bouncing all over the place when you get naked, truly not knowing where to look <3

Moody has a peg on his leg, therefore it's safe to assume he would enjoy getting pegged. Have at it, buddy.

Although Moody's grown a bit of pudge over the years, below that is hard, well-toned muscle. He's strong and could flip you on the bed and fuck you senseless when the time calls for it.

ATLA match up is under the cut

Your ATLA match up is..............OZAI!!!

SFW

You and Ozai would probably meet at a ball for the nobility in the fire kingdom where you both end up being matched up as dance partners, He would be charmed by your skills and sense of humor, and you wouldn't be able to resist a little flirting. He would meet you in secret after that and would wish to make you his concubine.

Being a control freak, he would be possessive to the max. He's possessing you, your house, your family members. He's the emperor, he owns everything.

Ozai would match you in the flirting department but only in private. To everyone else he's the Fire Lord but to you, he's Ozzy with a nice ass.

Ozai's jokes would just be his terrible thoughts spoken out loud, but you could always interpret them as dark, sarcastic humor.

Since you like reading, he would encourage you to read books about battle strategies and tactics like art of war by Sun Tzu. That way he could have a well-trained general as his lover, his ultimate fantasy. Not to mention how much he'd appreciate your skills in the finer arts. Being royalty, Ozai would have rich people tastes and would enjoy classical music and ballroom dancing.

Ozai isn't thrilled about you being a geochemist since it's too much in the Earth kingdom department. But he'll just try and be happy since atleast you're not a filthy water/air bender.

He would never publicly admit to you're relationship to the public so you never have to worry about PDA! He's low key ashamed of loving an Earth bender.

N/SFW

Ozai's the most powerful man out there, as far as the ATLA verse goes. He's made of pure dom daddy juice.

Ozai would be a brat-tamer in bed and treat you like he treats Zuko and azula. Expect spankings, and some harsh words.

He would be a natural dom in bed but if you wanted to take over you would have to REALLY fight him. We hope you can do it though :)

He'd definitely be into candle play and enjoy dripping wax onto your bare, sensitive skin.

Your powerful women,

admins san & sar

#avatar: the last airbender imagine #avatar imagine #avatar the last airbender #avatar the last airbender imagine #avatar #atla hcs #fire lord ozai #ozai x reader #fire lord ozai x reader #avatar: the last airbender x reader #atla headcanon #atla imagine #atla #hp imagine #mad eye moody imagine #mad eye moody #alastor moody x reader #alastor moody imagine #alastor moody #mad-eye moody #mad-eye moody imagine #mad-eye moody x reader #admin san #admin sar

[starlocked01]

Look Alive, Sunshine

AO3 Link

Dukexiety Week Day 7- Music WC: 1.8K Summary: Remus picks Virgil up from his dorm in the middle of the night to combat an old fear. Content Warning: Swearing, Panicking, references to past suicidal thoughts

@dukexietyweek

A/N: This is actually in the same universe as When Can I See You Again? which is the first dukexiety story I wrote featuring Soul mark timers, lots of miscommunication and drama, and fun. And fight club. If you've liked this week's oneshots, maybe give WCISYA? a try ^_^ Thank you everyone for reading along and sharing this week <3

Despite Remus' progress with Dr. B. and despite over a thousand nights with no incidents, Virgil still could not shake his fear of the Xs. He hadn’t seen them in years, but some nights Virgil stayed up to watch his soul mark countdown the seconds until Remus could reassure him he'd lost sleep for no reason.

Most of the nights when he stayed up watching with growing anxiety, Virgil didn't even try to text Remus. His boyfriend needed the sleep and would just worry when he woke up until Virgil finally rolled out of bed and answered his reassurances. Tonight was too much. Tonight, not even the steady passage of time promising he'd see his soulmate the next day was enough to allay thoughts of horrific unforeseen accidents.

Tonight Virgil texted his soulmate at quarter to two am and watched as the numbers changed without warning.

00:05:17

Five minutes. Virgil gulped and couldn't help but feel like he'd fucked up. He glanced at his phone several times, bewildered by the lack of an answering text, but mostly watched his wrist counting down.

At about the two-minute mark he finally realized he should probably get dressed and grabbed a pair of skinny jeans to struggle into. He struck his foot on the corner of the bed and bit his lip hard to avoid waking up his roommate. Virgil quickly shrugged on his hoodie and shoes before checking his wrist again.

00:00:10

He laughed to himself at the near deja vu feeling, walking over to the window to watch for Remus’ car in the parking lot.

To his surprise, there was a knock at the dorm door instead. Virgil jumped and rushed over to the door, cracking it open just in time to glimpse his soulmate grinning out in the hallway.

"Remus! What are you doing here?" Virgil asked in a hissing whisper, sliding out into the hallway and shutting the door as quietly as possible, "do you know what time it is?"

"Uh yeah, babe. 2 am. You're the one who sent a distress signal, what was I supposed to do?" Remus answered at his normal, too-loud volume, wrapping Virgil in a tight hug before the smaller man could answer or object.

"You coulda just told me you were alright," Virgil grumbled, hugging his soulmate back tighter anyway, "do I want to know how you got in?"

"The desk worker recognized me and let me in. Don't worry, I would only break in if mildly inconvenienced," Remus grinned, starting to pull Virgil with him down the hall, "so why are you up so late? You weren't waiting for me to croak, were you?"

Virgil started to respond but stopped before he got a syllable out. That was what he was technically doing, even if he dreaded that very thing more than anything. "I- don't make it sound like I would ever want that! I just… got worried."

Remus tugged Virgil closer to his side, "I'm okay. And I'm not going anywhere, worrywart." He waved briefly at the night guard and ushered Virgil outside, "c'mon. We're gonna fix this."

"How? You're okay tonight but what about tomorrow? How do I know you're going to be okay every night? What if-" Virgil gulped, not wanting to vocalize his worst fear.

Remus stopped just outside the door and turned to Virgil, "come on, Virgie. I always call when it's a bad day. And I haven't had one in a while."

"Yeah, but what if-"

"If I had a bad day, I'd call. C'mon. We've gotta get your mind off this," Remus murmured, pulling Virgil towards his car.

Virgil huffed but followed Remus easily enough, sliding into the passenger's seat as Remus scanned through a pile of CD cases.

“Oh my god, you still have those?” Virgil asked, a bit surprised to see his old emo collection.

“Of course I do. One of the best your-birthday presents I’ve ever gotten,” Remus giggled and picked the album he’d been looking for, “I get that you get scared. When I die you can listen to The Black Parade and mourn me, but tonight we are gonna Look Alive, Sunshine.” Remus started the car and fed the CD to the center console before backing out of the spot and zooming out of the parking lot.

Virgil hummed happily, giggling as Remus recited the initial traffic report along with Dr. Death-Defying, “I love Danger Days. Remember how you convinced the DJ at Prom to play this song?”

“How could I not? He only did it because of your pouty little baby face back then,” Remus teased, earning himself a smack on the shoulder, “what? He certainly wasn’t doing me any favors.”

“You’re an ass,” Virgil chuckled.

“I’m your ass,” Remus corrected him, headbanging along as he drove.

“So where are we headed, ass of mine?” Virgil asked just over the music, watching as streetlights and neon signs advertising closed stores flashed by.

“Nowhere special,” Remus replied carefully, pretty quickly turning into an empty parking lot and pulling into a space as far from any lights as he can.

“Yeah.. not kidding about that... Is this a bookstore?”

“Bookstore parking lot.”

“Okay, why a bookstore parking lot?”

Remus didn’t answer, just unbuckled and tried to squeeze between the front seats of the car to the back. Virgil watched in amusement until Remus managed to push himself through and got settled in the back.

“C’mon. You do this for me all the time, now it’s your turn.”

Virgil laughed and turned the key to the battery-only position in the ignition and locked the car doors before following Remus, sliding back to the back seat a touch more nimbly. He settled into Remus’ lap and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you,” he murmured, settling in as Remus wrapped his arms around him and started singing along with the music.

“If that's the best that I could be? Then I'd be another memory. Can I be the only hope for you? Because you're the only hope for me,” Remus sang softly to Virgil, running fingers through his hair.

Virgil sniffed and sang the rest of the verse, “And if we can't find where we belong we'll have to make it on our own. Face all the pain and take it on because the only hope for me is you alone,” he tried to relax and let Remus’ presence reassure him that neither of them was going anywhere without the other, “is it weird to say I wish you were around more often?”

Remus stopped humming along with the music to hug Virgil tighter, “not weird at all, V. You’ll graduate soon and we can move in together. Then you’ll really be sick of me.” he smiled and kissed Virgil’s hair, “we’re so close to forever, love.”

Virgil sighed and began to sing along again a few songs later, “we can leave this world, leave it all behind. We can steal this car if your folks don't mind. We can live forever if you've got the time,” he buried his face in Remus’ chest, almost wishing they could just start driving tonight and never looking back.

“My pretty little heart attack in black hair dye,” Remus giggled, “you gotta finish school first so I can just kick Roman and Remy out.”

Virgil laughed at that, “as if you’d ever kick your brother out.”

“Easier done than said. I’ve lived with that asshole for far too long already,” Remus replied pointedly, “you know, we can work out transportation if you would perhaps consider moving off campus next semester.”

Virgil sat there silent in consideration. The only thing really stopping him from agreeing was the wall of anxieties over moving in with his boyfriend and living off-campus and paying rent and having to find a job in between homework and classes. It was a lot to figure out, not even considering the implications of actually moving in with his boyfriend. What if Remus did something crazy like suggesting they get married? What if everything changed and he didn’t like it or get used to it? What if nothing changed and he still woke up at 2 in the morning from dreams of Xs despite falling asleep in Remus’ arms? What if-

“Virgil- where’s your head, Stormcloud?” Virgil’s thoughts were interrupted by the question and a soft steady tapping on the back of his neck.

Virgil sighed and shook his head, “sorry. It got away from me. I kinda want this moment to last forever. It’s safe and predictable.”

“An abandoned parking lot is not life, sweetheart. Trust me, I love how safe this is. I love holding you and knowing nothing can happen to you while we’re here. But life doesn’t happen in safety. We can face it together, we always will. But we do have to go out and face it eventually,” Remus spoke softly, letting his voice mingle with the music.

“You’re here now. You’re here and real and not going anywhere. That should be enough. Why isn’t it enough?” Virgil asked in a small voice.

“Because you care. Your love isn’t limited to this moment,” Remus laughed softly, “your love has saved me before, so don’t you dare try to limit it now.”

“I- oh wow, Rem, I am so sorry,” Virgil caught himself and sighed, “I think I get it now.”

“Oh? Figure something out?” Remus asked quietly, continuing to tap on Virgil to the beat.

“I haven’t been trusting your love. I’m an asshole,” Virgil shook his head, “ of course I won’t wake up and find Xs. You love me. I’m so dumb for not trusting that because of course you’re not going anywhere.”

Remus chuckled, “now you’re getting it, V. I know you can’t help worrying, but you’ll at least let me prove it when the worries get too much?”

Virgil sat up carefully, “I didn’t want to bother you with it before. Goodness knows we both need the sleep, but I think next time, I’ll just reach out like tonight.”

Remus smiled and pulled Virgil back down, “you said it yourself. We need sleep. So sleep, mister. We’re not going anywhere until morning.”

Virgil laughed and feebly tried to push away, “nooo not in the car! At least let's go find a bed.”

“Aww but that’s no fun… unless..”

“Sleep. It’s nearly 3 am. We are gonna find a bed, either mine or yours, and go to sleep.”

“Boo,” Remus pouted but reached to unlock the car, not trusting his ability to climb back upfront.

“Love you too, boo,” Virgil grinned and leaned down to kiss Remus properly, quickly getting lost in the contact. Remus pulled him close, willing to spend the rest of the night that way until the second to last track of the album began and his speakers started blaring a distorted version of the American anthem. They broke apart, laughing together at the awkward background music. Then they managed to kiss the whole way through Vampire Money before climbing out of the back seat and back upfront.

“Alright. Let’s go home. Maybe I can convince you to make it home better from there,” Remus grinned and started up the car again, driving off towards the apartment as the CD restarted the album from the beginning.

#dukexietyweek2021 #dukexiety #remus sanders #virgil sanders #WCISYA? story #soulmate au #soulmate timers #mcr #swearing #panicking

[jq37]

The Case File – Mice and Murder Ep 3

The Case of the Curious Clues

Before we start, a quick plea to Grant O’Brien: Please stop finding clues. I can only take notes so fast. You’re killing me Grant. Moving on...

We start off this episode with yet another flashback, this time to the final confrontation of Sly and his supposedly dead arch nemesis Fletcher Cottonbottom at Reichenbunny Falls (...Brennan please). Fletcher was using a local castle as a storage center for munitions but Sly tipped off the cops before they could be moved. They do some repartee back and forth before Fletcher, the madman, handcuffs them together and jumps off the edge. They hit the water but Sly is able to lockpick himself out and escape while Fletcher disappears beneath the waves. 

You know what I got from that story? No body.

Anyway, we jump back to the present where there *is* a body, Squire Badger’s specifically. Everyone in the room who isn’t a PC thinks that this must either be the work of ghosts or Mrs. M who was the only person in the room when it happened (allegedly). 

This is a crucial time for clue gathering and Brennan keeps everyone in initiative for investigative purposes. Now, *so much* stuff happens here that I’m not going to recap every single detail--just the major clues and the things that seem relevant. I’m serious, this is like the volume of info we usually get in the once per season later game lore dump ep but it’s episode THREE.

Daisy tries to find a secret door but critically fails. She clocks Gangie, a fellow criminal, and in the moment Rekha and Katie decide that they prob have worked together in the past even though they are very different kinds of criminals. 

Buck, who is outside listening to what’s going on in the room notices that his ankle knife is missing which is Concerning considering a man was just knifed to death. 

Sly has Lars guard the door (he opens it and Buck is discovered, whoops) and then rolls a NATURAL 20 plus NINE to investigate so Brennan just has to tell him literally everything. RIP to him and me. Anyway, here’s the rundown (along with some of the stuff other ppl got):

Mrs. M’s hands are covered in blood but she couldn’t have done it. Based on her personality for one and for other reasons we’ll get to.

The wound is much messier than it would be if a person stabbed themselves typically.

There is a note in Squire Badger’s handwriting that says “Sylvester Cross I am afraid” No indication of if that was the whole message or if he got interrupted (maybe Buck could figure it out with his handwriting checking skills). Daisy from across the room clocks that Sly’s name is written on the paper but can’t read the rest.

The knife is a hunting knife with a pronghorn handle--an animal not common in England but very common in Texas (and Buck is sweating obv).

There is a slight layer of charcoal type dust on everything on the big resolute desk in the room (which makes sense, ash from the fireplace) but there is parchment type dust on the bust of Barkus Aurelius (OK, that one’s good) on the table and that’s the only place that dust is. Ian later notices that the date on the bust is wrong. 

Speaking of, the desk (which we learn later was put in and taken out of storage once Loan Hall was modernized) is bolted to the ground and a lot of stuff has been thrown off it as if by a powerful force but Sly notices that it’s just the metal stuff like things made of silver or with screws. Stone things like the bust and other non-metal things have stayed put. Plus he smells ozone. This was the work of magnets, not ghosts, he concludes. And, for the record, Grant figured this out himself!

Mrs. M’s eyes are rapidly dilating. She is questioned about what happened and she says that she was told she was fired and would receive a small pension. 

(Not a part of Sly’s clue dump but Buck rolls a 24 with disadvantage to persuade everyone he didn’t do it but then 2 nat 1s in a row to see if Harding--who said he was standing outside the door--is suspect. Buck thinks he’s at most a stooge but he did roll a nat 1 so who knows?)

Anyway, back to Mrs. M. Gangie fully believes Mrs. M is innocent and scared. She doesn’t quite remember what happened for a couple of seconds in there and it’s clear this is not the first time she’s had missing time. Sly calls Longfoot (the bunny photographer) over to take a picture of Mrs. M which everyone is a little appalled at until they realize he’s making a point. When the flash goes off, she bugs out like she did in episode 1 and forgets that the picture was ever taken. Sly then has Dr. Magpie list the symptoms of epilepsy. It seems that Mrs. M had an episode triggered by the flash she mentioned seeing and then lost time. It’s possible that what she thought she saw after that she didn’t actually see.

[While Sly is monologuing this Rekha texts Brennan and gets a 17 to swipe the “I am afraid” note. Sly doesn’t notice.]

So if it wasn’t her, then who was it? There’s only one door into the study and anyone who walked in would have to have walked past Mr. Harding, Shellcrest, Calliope, and Tabitha (who is having a marvelous time being in the midst of so much drama). Ah, but who said there was only one door? Sly has Harding pull a sconce and a SECRET DOOR OPENS! Woo! Finally! It’s a classic bookshelf one that opens into the hallway and there is some extremely fine crushed glass under the door. Hmm.

Sly clocks that there is something under the desk but we don’t know what it is because Brennan texts it to him and it’s redacted. There are actually a couple of redacted texts that go around this ep so we are def missing information. 

OK, that’s more or less everything. 

Sly notices that the page is missing and Grant gasps while Rekha does an excellent job of pretending like she doesn’t even remember what paper is being talked about. Constance asks if it’s possible that Mrs. M totally made up the memory because of her epilepsy and between Dr. Magpie and Sly they determine that that’s uncommon but possible. Dr. Magpie says that everyone should leave so he and Sly can examine the body and Sly says that someone should watch Gangie at all times. 

At this point, Harding and Gilfoyle (the butler) say they should establish where everyone was at the time of the murder. A lot of the staff and guests have solid alibis cause they were in big groups/cleaning up together. But the PCs were off alone (or with each other) and had reasons to want to guy dead so they’re prime suspects. Sly even admits that he’s one too. Also everyone dogpiles Ian because Raph makes it so fun. 

Harding mentions the letter that was given to Buck (the one selling his shares in BB and giving voting writes to his rival Josiah) and asks him to read it. Buck reads it and gives a streamlined version of the truth, saying everything except for the part with the proxy vote. With a 26 he is able to allay everyone’s suspicions for now, but now he’s purposefully hidden the truth in a way that can be readily called out if anyone sees the letter or the contract which he resolves to find. 

Buster distracts the group so Daisy can “check the body for a pulse” aka: check the body for the contract. She doesn’t find a it but does find a key attached to a piece of red silk--something that would be weird for him to be carrying around instead of his valet. She figures this must open whatever locked drawer the contract is in and swipes it but Sly clocks her stealing it (his perception ties her sleathiness but an earlier Bless from Ian tips him over the edge--poetic).  

Calliope says that everyone is kinds suspect, including Sly, but *someone* has to solve this and Sly’s their best bet so everyone should just stay put and they can guard the exits. The butler says that, besides the front door, there are some towers that poke up above ground and a servant's exit/entrance by the elevator in the kitchen wing but they can lock down both and have someone guard the front doors. 

The butler is like, lmao yeah Sly I know you didn’t do it and I’m not gonna stand guard here but you know, everyone is keeping an eye on y’all. And then he leaves the PCs, Mrs. M, Constance, and Dr. Magpie in the room with the body. 

Lars is about to go watch the kitchen staff but, before he goes, Sly says to him that he saw Cottonbottom and is obviously quite scared. Gangie, who used to work for the guy, overhears and asks what’s going on. Sly assumes Gangie is playing coy but rolls high enough to know that he isn’t. He saw a starkly white Cottonbottom and one of his known conspirators doesn’t know he’s back? Perhaps it was a ghost after all. 

Case Notes

My 2 fave bits of this episode were “bad to bad bad bad” (and the further riffing) and Daisy throwing increasingly bigger books at Sly.

Even with a Nat 1, Sly gets a 16 on Investigation. Wild. 

I don’t think Rekha got enough props for her “Cross examination” line so I’m mentioning it here.

Brennan said the ozone question was still open--but I assumed it was like the electricity smell from an electromagnet. That would make sense, right? Maybe he meant they hadn’t found the source of it specifically yet?

Brennan says Buck’s knife is a pronghorn knife. I assume they’re made from the animal’s horns? Even if they’re the kind that fall off every season, is that weird? Or is it just like human hair wigs? Also, does this world have leather?

I love that the dice keep supporting the narrative that Daisy simply cannot get her shit together when she’s with Sly because he distracts her too much. Delicious. Their whole relationship is delicious. 

OK, I am a tiny bit suspicious of Calliope. It’s partially the way she took control of the situation near the end and partially the fact that she doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would be involved in this which would make her heel turn delicious. No hard evidence and obv she couldn’t be the person who actually stabbed a guy but idk. Just spitballing. I’m very curious about whether we’ve met everyone we’re going to meet more or less or if there are still outside people/hidden inside people. Because, in real life, a murderer could be literally anyone but in a story, you can’t just introduce a new villain all of a sudden at the end. Bad storytelling. Weak payoff. We’ll see how things start to pan out. 

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #mice and murder #mice and murder spoilers #the case file

[pumpkin-bread]

January Dragon Share: Day 28

The Saddest Backstory

As a rule, I don’t write stories just to be upsetting. There’s enough sadness in the real world and I prefer a bit of an escape. BUT. That certainly doesn’t mean I don’t have a few sad stories I’ve written. Here’s three that compete for the saddest.

Cassanda - Suchimu - Hope

Under the cut for length, but I’ll warn you that there’s a lot of death and illness in there as well.

Cassanda:

Another of Pepper's "favourites". Cassandra was taken in from the street as a young child and adopted as the fae's own. Though treated to the luxurious life of a noble, she still felt a yearning for exploration - and battle as well - and began training with the off-duty castle guards the moment she was strong enough to hold a sword. Becoming proficient with the blade, she later worked with the crystalline castle's elite warriors to learn the finer arts of combat and defense, until she was strong enough to travel safely on her own. And so, she roamed for years, visiting the farthest reaches of Sornieth and seldom coming back unless called for. One such occasion brought the news that a suitor had been chosen for her. Though initially quite wary about the entire thing, she was shocked to find she had an instant connection with the young man who had been picked. He led a starkly different life than she did, one devoted to scholarly pursuits. He could read and write multiple written languages - even those of some beastclans - and knew their histories and mythologies by heart. It was a part of the world she'd never much experienced, and it fascinated her. The two would spend long nights swapping stories - but even their silence was comfortable and warm. She found she could relax around him, and falling in love was easier than she'd ever expected. He was not a warrior, nor the most efficient traveler - and he did all the important documentation for Amberspire, to boot - so she still often went on excursions alone. He would complain whenever she was packing to leave - though it was in a lighthearted manner, somewhat of a joke between them by that time. "Do you really have to leave?" "Do you really have to stay here?" "Yes." "Yes." "I'll always come back!" "And I'll always be waiting!" Had become a routine conversation for them, simply part of their goodbyes for years to come. But one day, during one of her trips, Princess Cassandra received word of an attack on Amberspire - one which left many dead, and her husband severely wounded. Though she immediately hurried back to the crystalline castle, she had been a week's travel away. He had been dead for several days by the time she'd made it back, as were the guards who had trained her, and civilians as well. Her grief was matched only by her guilt; the knife that twisted in her chest whenever she thought of how everything could have been different had she just been there, how she might have protected him and everyone else, how she might've been able to stop the trespasser who had taken so many, how if she had just been a little closer, she might of at least been able to say goodbye. Princess Cassandra was not present for the mass funeral held, nor did she leave her room for months thereafter. If it weren't for the occasional sight of Lady Pepper and Princess Avonne occasionally going in to visit, most would have believed that she was a late victim of that night as well. Months later, she did begin to roam about the castle once more - but she was starkly different from the woman the Amberspirians had remembered. She had become gaunt, quiet, and unfriendly; ignoring those who spoke to her, and standing silently during important events and festivals royals were expected to be present for. Her traveling days seemed over for good.

***

Suchimu: It was a frigid night in the Arcane Isles. It was typical for the levels of magical irradiation to cause something akin to nuclear winter, sapping the life from all but the hardiest of flora. Each blade of grass was frozen beyond any hope of survival, and shattered at the slightest touch. To say the least, it offered no comfort to the imperial who lay in a weary heap deep within the barren, gnarled woods. Far in the distance, Castle Amberspire lit up the night with a warm but unwelcome glow. She hated the sight of it, but she couldn’t leave. Not yet. Her two remaining children lay curled peacefully around her new enchanted satchel - a gift her previous visitor had left behind - which radiated much-needed warmth. Such kindness had meant the world in the midst of such loss, but in the end did nothing to allay her grief. She stirred, carefully shifting to brush the hair from one of her hatchlings’ eyes. She smiled weakly at the sight of her son’s face so peaceful in sleep. It at once warmed and broke her heart to see so much of her mate in him. Her mate. After so many decades of traveling together as simply “friends”; companions who were always bound to meet again, despite how different their paths in life became. She’d loved him for decades. Perhaps if she’d known he’d felt the same so long ago, everything would have played out differently. Perhaps they would have been together years ago, living in a clan of their very own far from this damned forest. Perhaps they would have continued their travels, losing all other material anchors to any place or time, still laughing and sharing stories wherever the wind took them. Or, perhaps they would have lived out their love and parted ways, never to speak again. Though the thought pained her, she would have traded everything she had even for the last outcome – for her to have done just one damned thing differently – for if she had, perhaps he would still have walked this earth. His whispered plea for her to stay hidden with their eggs was to be the last words he spoke to her. He was taken, throat slit and dragged off into the night. She so desperately wanted to chase after the dragons who took him, to tear them apart and bring him home. To at least give her mate a proper burial if there was no hope of saving him. But they were gone so quickly, his weight nothing compared to their combined strength. And it was so damn cold. If she had left her eggs, they would have died within the hour. Perhaps in his last moments he’d given himself to It fully. That must have been why her visitor had held such hope - but she could not say if it would be better or not if he had. He’d never let the Shade take over; though it had warped and marred his hide, he had always remained the same inside, his soul untainted as they day they’d first crossed paths. If he still lived, it would be as nothing more than a facsimile of the male she’d loved: a hollow shell that became residence to something insidious. She couldn’t bear the thought. The tears she’d managed to hold off for so long won out; she clutched her head in her hands, digging her claws into her brows as sobs wracked her body. The movement was enough to rouse her children, who cried out in drowsy protest. She choked and forced herself to still, fighting back the shattering pain in her chest until her cries ceased. They couldn’t stay here. Everything reminded her of him in the worst way, and she couldn’t raise her children where only sorrow flourished. Whether she wished to start anew or simply give up, she couldn’t say then - but her first priority was her hatchlings. They deserved happiness, and needed safety. She could not provide them with either of those things. She raised her head, looking wearily about the forest before grimacing once more at the sight of the castle. Her answer was certainly not within godsdamned Amberspire. “Aether, Mist, you will be happy, even if we never see each other again. Mama promises,” she said in a barely audible whisper, curling around her hatchlings and letting her eyes shut. She didn’t know what to do, or where to go in the end. 'I want to go home' echoed in her mind, but she knew her birthland was not the answer. She had learned, in the worst way, that home was not a place, but a person. ****

Hope:

Stay back. *wheeze* No, I’m not afraid of you harming me. Quite the opposite, in fact. *rasp* I carry an illness, you see. One that took the lives of all I’d known. I’d hate for you to catch it. *wheeze* A healer? You cannot help me. I seek those versed in combating the Shade. *cough* A cure? No. I have little hope for that, in my case. But I must share my findings. *rasp* I have a document of everything. How it spread, who fell and when. I was their doctor - *cough* If - if I can share my notes, perhaps our kind can at least grow closer to finding one. A cure. If that is true, then perhaps this loss… perhaps it wasn’t for nothing.“

It started with a whimper. The elderly and young began to fall ill. Only the feeblest at first, but it wasn’t long before the clan was devoid of children’s laughter, and elders no longer left their homes. They began to pass. Peacefully, it seemed. Most simply falling asleep and never waking up. Fearing a plague, the bodies were all burned. Burials were hasty and done en masse in vast pits just beyond the clan proper, with no headstones nor mark of any sort to signify just who had been lost. Mourning parents and families had no time to fashion their own, for even those in the prime of their lives became gripped with the same pain and fatigue that had taken their parents and children away. But they did not fall. They struggled through their days, doing what they could to keep alive as the mysterious ailment continued to worsen and take hold of the remainder of their kin. A cough developed amongst them all that shook bodies and rattled bones. Fevers – and delusions – became rampant, and soon the sickest of the clan were wandering the streets; dazed, lost, and violent when approached. Those who still had their thoughts locked themselves away and barricaded the doors, until they too succumbed to madness, starvation, or whatever else. Screams and wails filled the days and nights, tormenting those who could still understand, Until only one remained. The clan healer, who had done everything he could to save each and every member of his community and falling short each time. He’d documented each change in health, the names of each patient, and the date they had died until it became unsafe to do so and he’d locked himself away in desperate search of a cure. When the outside world began to fall silent, he ventured out into the decrepit remains of his home. Bodies of former friends and allies littered the streets, amongst bodily filth and long since dried blood. Donning what protective gear he did have, he began to dig another pit alongside the first, for even in his own weakened state he knew they deserved a burial. But when the time came to gather the dead, he was able to fully understand the depth to this plague. Bodies lurched upward in reaction to being touched. They stood on broken legs and watched with eyes that had long since rotted out. His clanmates were dead, but what inhabited them was not. He fought as much as he could, but after weeks of starvation he had no hope of succeeding. The man fled the godforsaken place he’d called home, taking his medicine bag, the clothes on his back, and the log of all who had fallen with him. Now, he wanders, walking until he collapses and resting only then. He has hope for a cure, or at least some way to kill off what still lives in that clan. But he stays far away from anyone else, for he feels the cough that rattles his bones, and can see the tarry black that webs over his palm whenever he coughs. He, too, is infected.

#flight rising #fr lore #writing #january dragon share #JanDragon2021 #SO MUCH LORE #I know it's the 27th but baby is asleep so i might as well get ahead

[dudeandduchess]

i might not just have read your whole master list but... i am IN LOVE with your writing! i would like to request a giyu x fem reader imagine where he finally gathers the courage to confess his feelings and asks her out. and if it's not too much, can you write a lil about the date? thank you

Hello, bby! Awwww thank you sooo much! Hope you like this one. UwU

And if you have anymore requests, please feel free to send them in. I’ve just been prioritizing Giyuu’s happiness happy fics bc it’s Redemption Week. :D

This weekend will be ‘Hurt Everyone Weekend’. >:D

***

Giyuu x F!Reader: Confession + Date (SFW Scenario):

Giyuu had never been the type to believe in love, or whatever flowery emotions existed— not since he’d lost two of the most important people in his life.

But that was until he met (Y/n).

Initially, he had tried to push her away— more to resist the temptation of falling for her, than anything else. But her tenacity and dedication to get them to be friends had practically shot that idea out of the water.

That left him with virtually no choice but to get enchanted— deeper and deeper into her spell. Hence the reason why he had invited her out for dinner.

Only, things hadn’t gone the way he wanted them to.

The restaurant he wanted to take her to was full— so they had to wait an hour before they could be seated. And once they were seated, the people next to their table broke out into a fight— which further put a hamper on their evening.

But (Y/n) took it all in stride. Instead of whining and pouting, she’d asked the waitress to make their meals to-go, and they had walked out of there after she— forcefully— paid for their meals.

And to make matters worse, they couldn’t find a nice and quiet spot to sit, so they were forced to eat while standing. The only silver lining to their predicament was the gorgeous view of the river that it afforded them.

“You have a little something...” (Y/n) pointed to the side of her mouth, but Giyuu’s mind had blanked out because the motion had him focusing on her lips; plump, pink lips that he wanted to kiss so badly.

And like a dumbass, he reached out and touched the corner of her mouth— the very space she was pointing at. But when he’d realized what he’d done, he immediately retracted his hand and ducked his head to hide his blushing cheeks. 

“Sorry.”

(Y/n) passed it off with a laugh, even though her own heart was racing inside her chest. It was just his finger, but it felt so warm against her skin. 

She wanted to feel more of him, but that seemed to be a pipe dream; as she knew the Water Hashira thought of her as nothing more than a friend.

When Giyuu didn’t make a move to wipe away the grain of rice still stuck to the corner of his mouth, (Y/n) took a deep breath and made a bold move: she tilted his face up by his chin, then brushed the morsel off with a gentle flick of her thumb.

 “There. As handsome as ever, Tomi-”

“I love you!” Giyuu blurted out like a fool. He tried to keep his mouth shut after that, but it seemed to have taken a life of its own, because it kept going— which had the young woman’s eyes widening and her cheeks flushing. “I’ve loved you for a long time now. Will you go out with me?”

Silence reigned between the two Slayers, as (Y/n) tried to wrap her mind around what had just transpired. And during that bout of silence, nervousness stewed in the pit of Giyuu’s stomach. 

He wanted to take back his words, as it seemed that he had ruined whatever the two of them had; if her silence was any indication.

But she proved him wrong when she smiled. That smile allayed all of his trepidations, and calmed his frazzled mind. “I thought you’d never ask, Giyuu.”

#giyuu tomioka x reader #kimetsu no yaiba tomioka #tomioka giyū #tomioka giyuu #tomioka giyuu x reader #demon slayer tomioka #kny x reader #kny imagines #kny requests #demon slayer #demon slayer fanfic #demon slayer requests #demon slayer imagines #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba fanfic #kimetsu no yaiba imagines #kimetsu no yaiba requests #anon #ask #jen writes

[backstorywithdanalewis]

Nuclear Hotlines Back Story w/Dana Lewis podcast https://www.buzzsprout.com/1016881/8067453

President Kennedy: (00:00) The whole office offensive buildup, a strict quarantine on all offensive military equipment under shipment to Cuba is being initiated all ships of any kind bounds to Cuba from whatever nation or port where they found to contain cargoes of offensive weapons be turned back, shall be the policy of this nation to regard any nuclear missile launch from Cuba against any nation in the Western hemisphere. As an attack by the Soviet union on the United States requiring a full retaliatory response upon the Soviet union. I call upon chairman crucial to haul and eliminate this plan to Stein, reckless and provocative threat to world peace. Dana Lewis - Host : (00:52) Hi everyone. And welcome to another edition of backstory. I'm Dana Lewis. I've devoted a few segments here to nuclear arms control because it's a former correspondent. It was based in Moscow for American TV. I covered many of the strategic arms control negotiations and came, I think to understand how nuclear war is a larger risk than we realize that recording. You just heard a president Kennedy came about an October, 1962. The closest the world may have come to nuclear war. The Cuban missile crisis. When the us discovered Soviet nuclear missiles on Cuba, president Kennedy demanded their removal Dana Lewis - Host : (01:31) And announced a Naval blockade of the Island and the Soviet leader, Khrushchev exceeded to us demands a week later, but it wasn't as simple as that, there were tense moments, a lack of communication. Anything could have gone wrong, and it was decided to establish a hotline between the two nuclear superpowers in the wake of that to ensure if heightened tensions arose again, there would be communication to talk, but since then a lot has changed. Nuclear weapons are hypersonic and warheads appear on conventional delivery systems like cruise missiles. There are more nuclear nations. It's simply more complicated, more confusing. And as you're about to hear on this backstory, incredibly communications can be hacked and hijacked and are sorely lacking. And when decisions have to be made in seconds in a crisis, none of it is good. And then you system is being proposed a kind of nuclear crisis conference call. One that we hope will probably never have to happen. All right, joining me now from England is rear Admiral John Gower, who served until his retirement in 2014 as the assistant chief of defense staff, nuclear chemical biological in the UK ministry of defense. Hi John, thanks for joining me. Good to see you again. And Phillip Reiner from California is the chief executive officer of the Institute for security and technology. Phillip, thank you. Philip Reiner: (03:06) It's really great to be here. Thanks for having me, Dana Lewis - Host : (03:08) Phil. First of all, you are a podcast expert because I've listened to your podcast. What's it called again? Philip Reiner: (03:15) We have a podcast that's focused on a very niche set of issues in the nuclear domain. We call it the fourth leg. Dana Lewis - Host : (03:22) That's what I listened to and I thought you've got some great segments there. And, uh, so, and I've stolen all the questions from that. They were so good. Let's talk risk. First of all, before we talk about communication, I mean there are, are there nine countries, somebody said seven in one of your broadcasts, Russia, the United States, China, India, Israel, France, North Korea, Pakistan, and the United Kingdom. I hope somebody was counting. Do they communicate if there's a crisis like the Cuban missile crisis, do you want to take that first film? Philip Reiner: (03:54) There are historical precedents via which nations that maintain a nuclear weapons arsenal are able to potentially communicate with one another much of which actually Springs out of, of something you referred to to keep in missile crisis where the United States and the Soviet union found themselves in the lead up to what, uh, what could have been a disastrous nuclear exchange without said means for communication. And what it did was it established a historical precedent via which, uh, uh, the red phone was something that was deployed for leader level engagement in the lead up to an, uh, in order to avoid such a such a nuclear catastrophe. And what you found in that instance was this, uh, diplomatic and technical means of a hotline via which the two leaders could communicate with one another. And it is something that has evolved over time. And I'd love to invite John into, to talk about this a little bit as well. It's something that's, you can find in a number of different historical examples, really in, in a number of the different nuclear dyads around the world. Um, it is, it is not something however that has been revisited for quite some time, both from a political and a technical perspective, much less, uh, acknowledging how the nuclear really the nuclear world that we live in has evolved from kind of these dyadic relationships into a much more multipolar reality. Dana Lewis - Host : (05:23) John Gower, I not been in the white house, but I haven't been in the Kremlin and seeing these rickety old, uh, white and red telephones, uh, that, you know, our crisis lines and surely, um, it has evolved from that because the weapons themselves. And I would think that the time, uh, those precious minutes involved in being able to respond to a crisis, uh, that is also, you know, a moving target because the missiles are getting faster and the time is getting shorter. Well, I think that there are several, uh, John Gower: (05:58) I wish I could allay your, your concern about this catching up with the reality of the world, but, but the truth is apart from, with the possibility of, of Russia to America, um, one-to-one Moscow to Washington, and I don't have any specific knowledge, but I think given all the arms control and arms reduction activity, that's probably the hotline that is, uh, the most likely to be effective one-to-one, but the world has significantly changed and it is no longer a crisis. And a nuclear domain is not going to be just for the two guys head to head on that particular crisis, um, for a start and for a long time, NATO as an organization has three nuclear arms States in its membership, and they have needed a way to communicate with each other and with the rest of their allies in any crisis. So that is a separate thing. John Gower: (06:54) It's not a hotline, it's a series of abilities within the NATO infrastructure to communicate, but we have the de facto for, um, who have become nuclear arms States since, uh, the [inaudible] joined the nuclear nonproliferation treaty. We have India and Pakistan who have a history of going toe to toe over a whole load of things. We have the DPRK North Korea, um, and we have Israel who is reputed to, um, own nuclear weapons, but doesn't talk to anyone about that. So a crisis, and of course the [inaudible] China, Russia, and the three NATO allies, UK France, and the U S and any crisis that is approaching, uh, a level where nuclear weapons may be employed, involves every one of those. Dana Lewis - Host : (07:45) I want to ask you, but first I want to, will you give me an idea of a crisis? I mean, what, what would be, would it be a launch? Would it just be tensions on the border? Uh, probably all of the above. John Gower: (07:56) Well, the answer is all of the above, but what a significantly changed is that the things that people were feared of in the Cuban missile crisis, and for most of the cold war, where a strike from the blue, by the opposing super power who suddenly got up one morning and decided they could win a nuclear exchange and then tire politics, and, uh, an armaments of the, of the cold war that rush up to 60,000 warheads was based on, on that premise. That is still a possibility, but in my view, in the view of many others, that is really the outside risk. The risk is that nations colliding with each other over a whole host of things from the availability of water, the effects of climate change ambitions in the South China, sea injure, and Pakistan's enmity, and a whole host of other issues, we'll stumble into a crisis where through misinterpretation or miscalculation nuclear weapons will be employed. John Gower: (08:53) And this is not helped by having whole batch of nuclear weapons and the death of the inf treaty. They're all increasing the chances of these slightly easier to use mentally nuclear weapons being used. And so what is needed really is a proper way in the 21st century of communicating yourself away from the brink. And I think, uh, Philip and his team have used operations at the brink. And that's exactly what we're talking about, and you can't with any number of crises. And, and you can add to that if we fail to reinstate the JCPO, if we fail to deal with Iran in a grown-up way that acknowledges needs as a nation, but also the fear of her becoming nuclear. And in recent weeks, they've been very vocal about how effects got wrong. They will follow a nuclear path in a way that they've not been vocal over the years of the worry about them. That just adds you then have 10, Dana Lewis - Host : (09:52) This just not the old mutually assured destruction, uh, um, uh, you know, argument where one side, you know, wouldn't push the button because they know that the other side would destroy them as well. Uh, but now you have a lot of these weapons like hypersonic, uh, I don't want to use Trump's term, but, you know, hypersonic weapons and then, uh, cruise missile deployment with nuclear warheads, which suddenly one nation doesn't know what's in common. Is, is it nuclear or is it conventional? So the stakes as we talk about this, and I want to set this up properly because a lot of people think, well, you know, nuclear war is somewhere out there. And, uh, Saifai movie. I mean, John, you've spent your career on this, are you, are you worried that we are much closer to that brink than we've probably been in a long time? John Gower: (10:41) I think the brink is more difficult to identify and therefore we may be very close or a little bit further away, but I think it is fair to say that I am more concerned now in 2021 than I was at any time in the six years, between 2008 and 2014, when I was involved in this, Dana Lewis - Host : (11:00) That's really notable. It's Phillip, thank you for being patient. So what that brings us to, um, is how do you then have some kind of communication between nations, uh, that is able to, I think one of your guests on one of your podcasts said, you know, get the off ramp on the super highway heading to disaster, which I thought was a very good analogy. Philip Reiner: (11:24) Well, this is where, uh, some of the ingenuity and the, the depth of technical understanding within, uh, the communities that we're able to touch here in California in Silicon Valley, really come into play. And through some of the conversations that we've been able to engender, some of which you can hear in those podcasts and the papers that accompany them. There's the, the reminder that complexity is the enemy of security, where so many, the technical solutions that may be devised to address some of these real challenges go so far out in terms of, uh, the, the backend technical complexity that it actually, uh, increases, uh, the attack vector. It makes it something simpler to, for instance, through cyber means to, to go after. Um, how can we from a jumping off point actually build something from the firmware all the way up that can, through a very transparent, open source process, be collectively and collaboratively built that that these nuclear weapons States could turn to as a communications options. Dana Lewis - Host : (12:35) So tell me, take me, take me through the range of that. W one would be in the old days that rickety old phone, um, you know, a hotline, a bilateral hotline between the two nations that have detentions. Um, and now you're talking about CA cattle link. Is that that's, how am I saying it properly? And what is the name Philip Reiner: (12:55) That is right? So the, this, this capability that we've been talking about potentially building is if we call it Katelyn and Katelyn consists of essentially two different components, there is an endpoint device that is actually used somewhat similar to, uh, the, the telephone that one recognizes today. And then there is a system upon which that can actually ride, which we call the rocks. And so there's the puck device in the rocks network upon which the signal has to has to travel. Dana Lewis - Host : (13:25) You've completely lost me. I hope you weren't meaning to do that. Philip Reiner: (13:29) The, the intent and that's, that's somewhat ironic there because it's a, it's an attempt to, to simplify things, um, is to build a very basic communications device that you can open source the code for all the way up from the actual Silicon. You can show that it is something that's secure. And so what we have been able to do is we can talk to someone like Eric Gross, who is the former security chief at Google. You can talk to one of his counterparts who is also, uh, at Google, who is referred to as the high priest of core boot in the communities, in which he exists. These are folks who have thought for many, many years about how do you actually build software that is reliable, that is verifiably secure, and the intent here, and this gets back to some of what John was talking about. How do you then get that into the hands of not just the United States and Russia who may have very well developed capabilities, but you're talking about a much more diverse set of actors who need this sort of capability, uh, to, to potentially reduce the increasing, uh, tensions that are, that are building up to a potential nuclear exchange. Dana Lewis - Host : (14:44) Well, let me bring John in here, by the way you said puck, would you say that to a Canadian, you, you know, we get the wrong idea right away, but there's no ice in this one and there's, there's no hockey. So John, this is, um, something that would bring in all nations because I presume first of all, to set the scene for that, a launch somewhere, if that's what we're talking about, uh, people don't necessarily know what the target is and where it's headed, and suddenly everybody moves to a hair trigger, and you can have a very dangerous exchange maybe with people that nations that were not even part of the original conflict. Is that the idea? John Gower: (15:23) Well, I think I'd walk back a little bit from that. I mean, clearly it has a use when launch has happened, but its primary use is to prevent the transition to a nuclear weapon launch. And I think the significant things that there's open source based technology would bring is the critical issues which we've seen in Hollywood. Um, do you know who the guy or girl is at the other end of the phone? Can you be certain that they are the leader of that particular notion? Can you have a conversation with them with other leaders of directly involved nations? And I would say that is the nuclear arms States to start with. Um, and can you have such a conversation, uh, within all levels of disaster? So after launch as well, and in fact, after detonation, and I think the trick here is that this is in, in, in technological terms, it's relatively simple, but the trick is not to try and make another iPhone. This is about making it capable simply to conduct the sort of textual messaging that would need to be undertaken to identify what's going down to talk and to deconflict Dana Lewis - Host : (16:36) And kind of link the audio. Would it be strictly an audio telephone call that's encrypted since somebody couldn't hack in there? John Gower: (16:43) I think that that is for discussion, but at its primary level, it's like a text messaging service. And so it is about the identification and the cryptology of that through an open source algorithm that gives confidence and trust between the nuclear arms States who take this system up, that when they speak on it, the people they want to listen can listen at the right level and nobody else can get in the way or spoof it. And I think it is demonstrating that capability through the kind of open source technology. And one of the problems with people thinking about this is they're too used to a new thing, having all the bells and whistles they want, and largely it's the bells and whistles, the ability to send images or music or video like we're doing now with zoom, it's those bells and whistles that give, um, problems with security and with identity and with hacking. And if you shed all of that, if you bear bear it down to its barest elements, do you want the president to be able to talk to the Supreme leader, to be able to talk to the prime minister in a tripartite way and Dana Lewis - Host : (17:50) Get everybody that calm the hell down? That's exactly what this is going to be pulling out a, you know, a mobile launcher and somebody sees it on a satellite. This is the first thing that they're going to reach for and engage that region and engage the nuclear powers. So who's been involved in pushing this idea because it seems like the nations want to do the old do business, the old way with their plastic telephones, you know, kind of can I just before Phillip answers that question, because he's been driving the engagement with a multiple number of countries, every one of the new Kieron state says clearly that their weapons are last resort. They don't want to use them. They'd really rather not. It's all about security, well, not rushing anymore. They said that they would, they would use nuclear weapons well that they have, but the part of their declaratory policy, each of the nuclear arms States use the words of restraint, whatever you may believe about them. And, but this is the ultimate level of restraint. And so if they believe what they say, if they do what they say on the tin, they should have something like this. But I'll let Phillip answer your question. Phillip, try to try and reassure me a little bit because, uh, you know, when they, when they talk about restraint and we talk about some of the nations that are involved in this conversation, you know, it's not, it's not very consoling isn't Philip Reiner: (19:08) And I think there's one more piece on the technical element. And then I'll, you know, very specifically to that, you know, one, one may ask, why don't you just rely on WhatsApp in these scenarios, that's secure Indian, uh, encrypted communications cable. Why don't you just use signal? That is not something that these States could turn to in these very extremely sensitive scenarios, because they haven't seen it built from the bottom up. And the discussion that we're having is, so how do you actually do this with technically savvy individuals from each of these countries, um, within their industry, how do you get those people together so that they actually see it from the beginning? And you come up with a solution that is imbued with integrity from the outset, because they've been part of that technical build from the very beginning. So we continue to have conversations with people really all around the world on this very topic. Philip Reiner: (20:05) We have had conversations with folks who are based in, in Geneva, uh, folks who are based in Berlin, uh, those who are based in London, uh, as Lama bod new Delhi, the conversation really has attempted to make sure that we're reaching out to folks who are in Moscow and in Beijing, but then all of those who may be able to contribute to this as well, who bring a bit of a technical savvy or who understand what it is to actually work through the, what is known as the open source community of folks who can potentially help develop these things in an open, transparent way again, so that you imbue the outcome with a significant level of trust. And that gets to what John was talking about. And Dana, to a certain extent yourself, if these leaders are going to be able to use this, they have to know what it looks like from the inside out. And they have to be able to red team it. They have to be able to go after it and try to break it, find vulnerabilities in it. And the process that we've put in place, both from a political and a technical standpoint is built off of that. Very notion. How do you build it with integrity? Dana Lewis - Host : (21:08) I mean, I take a big breath because the very notion or idea that somebody would hack into a conversation or pretend to be somebody that they're not with a world leader whose finger is near a nuclear button or code or whatever, it's, it, it really takes you back. And I assume than some of the people that are really pushing this are like John Gower who has, uh, you know, deep knowledge and career in working with nuclear forces and understands, you know, this is not a, um, this is not a far-fetched idea that we have miscommunication that leads to nuclear war. John Gower: (21:49) No, I, in fact, I would class it and I have written recently, and I'm not alone in this and saying that misinterpretation of misdemeanor location is the single greatest risk for stumbling into a nuclear conflict. And, and, you know, Dana that I, that I write and work in many areas of risk reduction, um, in, uh, against nuclear cruise missiles against low yields against dual-purpose weapons, this doesn't supplant any of that work. All of that work remains important, but this is the fullback. This is the backstop, the linebacker, depending on what sport you're looking at, I don't know the, the ice hockey equivalent, but if you fail to make these changes, to remove the weapons that are most liable to misinterpretation and miscalculation, and you stumbled towards a crisis, what you really need at that point is the best way of communicating your way out of a crisis. Dana Lewis - Host : (22:43) It's not there. And I think a lot of people listening to this would, would be as well. What is the support Philip for the concept and John, what are the next steps? Why don't we start with Phillips? Philip Reiner: (22:54) I think we've seen a, a real positive set of responses from a number of the, of the folks that I mentioned just a moment ago. I think people realize that and, and directly to what you just said, Dana, I think it's incredibly important. There may be something for instance, that the United States can put forward right now that could potentially serve as this solution. But why would for by way of example, why would Pakistan want to adopt something that was developed by the United States without asking questions about what it was, what it actually could do, for example, they would have to plug it into their system. What does it give the United States access to the demand? Those are the exact trust issues that this would begin to address from the, from the bottom of this Dana Lewis - Host : (23:38) Conversation's already well underway. Philip Reiner: (23:41) So the, yes, those are the types of technical conversations have been having internally at the political level. We have engaged with counterparts, um, in each of the countries that I mentioned before and in a number of others as well, people see the inherent value to trying to build something like this, because it does, I think, provide that nuclear risk reduction potential that John was alluding to John Gower: (24:05) John next steps. I mean, you, you feel that this has some momentum now. Well, it has a certain degree of momentum in the non-governmental world in particular, although we have engaged with governments, uh, clearly we've been in a time of huge distracting crisis. We've gone through a major, uh, significant political change in the U S and elsewhere in the world. Um, and we're just coming to grips with the implications of the new administration in the U S and I think it's true to say that that coinciding with all of that change has probably led some of the governments, just, just Mark Pace two or three times, but Phillips mentioned the key word, and this is trust. Trust is both essential to take this forward, but I also believe this is a very vehicle upon which trust, which is lacking in other places could be built. And so, uh, I know there are organizations like European leadership network, which is highly significant in the Euro Atlantic area, and others who have endorsed this as a very positive step of it's taken forward. John Gower: (25:07) And one of the purposes of talking about it to you today is to, is to raise awareness of it and to seek an opportunity for governments to, to, to engage more proactively and, and together so that we can, we can take this beyond what is an extremely good idea with a lot of the, the foot work done on the technical side, um, to something that could be taken forward, not necessarily by a team led by a us centric think tank, as, as Phillip says, you know, you can have the idea, but you want to hand it on and you want to hand it on to a government or several governments who would be trusted to, to engage at the governmental level. This is only going to fly when the governments of the nuclear arms States, uh, engage with it. And that's what we're trying to do at the moment. John Gower: (25:56) And any involvement from them would be extremely, extremely positive because in the end is not very high tech, all of this is it, it really comes down to personalities and who's on the other end of the, whatever the communication device is. And whether they're going to pull the trigger on a nuclear launch and, you know, president Kennedy, um, his speech in front of the United nations talked about the ominous and omnipresent sword of Damocles that everybody lives under hanging by the slenderest of threads, capable of being cut at any moment by accident or miscalculation, or as he rightly pointed out by madness. And that slender thread steel all these decades later is still in place. And you would have think that we we'd come further than where are now with assuring that there wouldn't be a nuclear exchange somewhere. I think something like this, they know, and I agree with all that you've said is, um, part of this reestablishment of trust. John Gower: (26:58) We, with the last time that we had a positive, uh, level of trust in my mind was around 2010. And if you look at the way in which NATO is writing about its relations with Russia, the direction of travel, uh, with, uh, star, the fact the I and half was still, uh, the intermediate nuclear forces treaty was still operating. All of the conventional armed forces treaties were operating in Europe. Um, things have gone seriously downhill since then. And what is really missing is co-operative trust. And if you don't have cooperative trust, then it really doesn't matter. Your, your chances of having a miscalculation or misinterpretation are hugely magnified. And so whilst this has a practical application in the reality, it is also a vehicle for trust. Philip Reiner: (27:46) Oh, I would just, I would reinforce what John was just talking about. There's so few instances in all of the dialogues around, around nuclear weapons, the nuclear enterprise writ large, where you can see a positive conversation around technical trends. And what we've we feel we've struck upon here is something that could add value, not only from a technical perspective and give people tools that they could build off of, but it would be something that a diplomatic level that they could use as potentially a way to create trusted discussions and collaborative endeavors. That's our intention here is to both address from a technical perspective, but maybe give people some political space to engage with one another as well. John Gower: (28:25) Let's do a quick, thank you so much to both of you. Former rear Admiral John Gower and Phil  Reiner Dana Lewis - Host : (28:31) The chief executive officer of the Institute for security and technology. Thank you so much. Thank you, Dana. Thank you, Dana. And that's our backstory, please subscribe and share this podcast. I also run a newsletter now to help people who complained. They simply can't navigate media anymore to try and understand what's important and steer people away from this information. It's Dana Lewis dot sub stack.com. Sign up. It's free. I'm Dana Lewis reporting from London. Thanks for listening. And I'll talk to you again soon.

#@philipreiner @johngower1 @csrisks nuclearwar. nuclear russia america nuclearforces backstory with dana lewis #nuclearsecurity

[merry-melody]

umbrella academy s2 thoughts

Or you can read here if you prefer. Formatting’s probably easier there and this is like 4k, so be warned.

So, was not much of a fan. (Wasn't surprised to learn none of the S1 writers were retained into this season, either!)

I feel like it's a little early for this show to be separating the siblings into New Lives, considering how little they interacted throughout the first season.

I would have liked more childhood flashbacks, having an additional Reginald subplot in a show stuffed with seven (or six and a half) leads seems a choice when it didn't link into the siblings in any meaningful way. 

It also made all the siblings curiously less sympathetic, as Diego and Luther in particular, but also Vanya and Klaus to an extent, are berated for showing any kind of effect of their upbringing; but without much 'showing' of said upbringing (or emotional impact at all from the last season - Vanya's obviously out for that own with the hackneyed amnesia plot; Diego is completely over Patch's death - and Grace's, for that matter, although she does at least get acknowledged; and Klaus for some reason seems to have stopped seeing ghosts 99% of the time.) 

I'm very mistrustful, as I mentioned in my S1 notes, that the show will in any way support Reginald's abuse, whether it be the siblings furthering their patterns of copying him without learning to recognise and address this; or by some kind of time loop casuality bullshit.

This season didn't really allay that, just with the general tone - the line Vanya had about sarcastically saying he was loving, or Five calling him 'no boy scout' just seem tonally a very different vibe from S1, like there were already aspects of that where it felt like none of them except Klaus really acted like they'd been raised by a guy who outright harmed them so much as a tough Professor type; and here it seems to double down on that idea. 

Five in particular was almost his father's yes man to an extent, he had several lines about how right their father was; although it was intriguing to see Diego reference how Reginald may have become even worse after Five's disappearance with that 'golden years' remark.

I was intrigued by the lizard reveal, though.

So, Luther wise...hmmm.

Also, on shallow notes, the hair and fashion was really lacking from last season, like apart from Allison/Emmy who looked lovely in the 60s clothes (and Five, Ben and Vanya, who remained pretty much the same), everyone looked worse (even Luther had a little Tintin grown out hairdo going on!)

Didn't love the toilet humour, either, but again, YMMV.

He was a little more likeable than S1, I appreciated how he acknowledged his own failings (which iirc, no one else but Vanya really did all season, and since she didn't recall hers at the time, there wasn't as much emotional impact) - although the cocked gun lessened it a little, lol. And the return of that lovely musical score during, too, nice touch.

It was good to see at least two scenes with him and Vanya interacting, and for them to return to the Five/Luther duo.

It was also interesting to see how Luther, like all his siblings, projects his own feelings onto others, (like his first instinct being that Vanya's pulling some 'bullshit game' when obviously, Vanya was pretty upfront when she lost it; whereas it was Luther who was the one scamming her into the hug-n-choke.)

I liked them bonding over Five being an asshole, too.

(Although I think once again, the lack of trust between the siblings was almost contrived, like Luther in particular seems genuinely pissed off that Five didn't, what, let them all die in a fiery death? I get that they grew up in an environment that promoted mistrust and that they don't really seem to understand their own powers or each others, and Five never explains when he makes a mistake, anyway, but I'm just not sure what Luther's ideal outcome here was.)

I'm clearly an asshole also, because the 'Rooming House for Solitary Men' sign made me laugh every time they showed it.

I feel like some of his characterisation was unsubtly telegraphed (although that's a complaint over all, not just him specific) - like they decided 'sensitive' was their key word there, and just jam in everyone referring to him as that rather than showing it. (...Is Luther sensitive? Like, not dragging him, I'd just not pick that at all for him as a description.)

I also didn't much enjoy the pairing of him and Diego, like to be honest, it was never a pairing even from S1 that I was particularly fascinated by, it's such a well-worn dynamic; and while at least they weren't bickering over numbers, the dude bro banter ('women, amirite?!') and matching lack of IQ (I never thought I'd say Diego seemed dumber than cracking a raw egg to posture, and yet...) was just kind of lowhanging fruit.

I also feel like the goon for Jack Ruby stuff seemed inserted purely for plot contrivance to link to JFK.

(This is also a universal complaint, but I really felt for the actors doing promo, like they come up with all these well thought out explanations about why their characters are making these choices, but the work doesn't really show up in the writing or what was shown onscreen. IIRC, Tom Hopper was talking about Jack Ruby as a replacement father figure and how it's Luther's first stab at independence in terms of supporting himself; and there's this whole thing of Ruby saying he treated Luther like a son, when really, he's in like, two scenes and Luther is very clearly a paid goon. Which isn't to say that's not supporting yourself, a job's a job! I just felt like it didn't really go anywhere.)

I liked the idea that he's the only one who looked for their dad; I liked him still eating his feelings, funnily enough, it's just a good character note.

I don't particularly have investment in him and Allison one way or another yet - I don't care about the moral indignation; I just feel like when they're together, it seems one part them being smug about the others, one part yearning based on the same plot as S1 (she's moved on but seems to want to keep Luther as her back up guy.) Like, I'd love to see those two actually interact over something based on their disparate characters (what would Allison have said if she'd heard Luther's little defense of the Feds to Five?)

There's also a return to that odd juxtaposition from S1 of Klaus' drinking with Luther taking drugs cheerfully and to no effect. (I'm not expecting a DARE commercial, it's just all over the place in tone. That, and I thought Luther 'waSN't ReADy for THaT!')

(This isn't Diego specific, either, but they also do that thing I hate in TV, where they purposefully reference someone specifically in the episode before they rereturn, and Diego got the short straw on that one with the Pogo mention apropros of nothing, so we know we'll see Baby!Pogo shortly.)

Diego: Again, lots of telegraphing. (Do you think the writers want to get across Diego has a hero complex? I wasn't clear after he cat leaps through dimensions, stops a mugging, obsessively stalks JFK, and almost everyone he meets literally holds up placards mentioning 'DIEGO HAS A HERO COMPLEX'.)

Diego got a lot more time onscreen, which is a plus, but the haircut combined with his role as plot monkey made it a neutral point.

I also think Castaneda got the short straw on some of dialogue this year, oof, that Luke Skywalker 'it's a great reference' dialogue felt a bit try hard. 

(Sheehan also took a body blow later with the 'Sexy trash!' one, ouch, like that felt very Designed to Retweet/Gif. 

No one's topped S1 for blatant exposition yet, though: 'You haven't been sober since you were a teen! Not since you started taking drugs to block the ghosts out.')

Randomly, I liked the decent English accent he pulled out of nowhere. And again, David Castaneda I believe, mentioned Patch's death, so it's neat that he thought about the impact of her death on his character, even though it wasn't evident in the plot.

As I mentioned up top, I think Diego kind of suffered from the same thing Klaus did last year, where upon he seems to be the only one who recalls they were actually brought up in an abusive environment; and yet here the focus seems more generic to Diego's a baby (right down to constantly talking about 'bad guys' like a three year old) who has masculinity issues about his mean pop (who tbh, seems to be presented as entirely correct in labelling him a fuckwit, since he behaves like one pretty much all season: 'We chop off his trigger finger!')

(Also there's that contrived Batman style ethics that came up with Luther last year, where they're like 'We can quip over bodies and we grew up literally murdering people', but for some reason, Diego won't 'kill a man before he's committed a crime' (he can stalk one, and cut off his hand, though?)

Likewise, there wasn't a ton of interaction between him and Allison, like in S1, I enjoyed how they kind of overcame their initial mutual dislike with small moments of bonding; whereas here he has to be prompted to talk to her (and that was an adlib, which again, means the actors were considering something the writers overlooked.)

Last year I talked about how much I enjoyed Diego's character and how they walked a very fine line between him combining his desire to be the stereotypical macho figure with his innate sensitivity, so naturally this season we get him butchified to a factor of ten ('I'm the man, here!' 'You're a big pussy!') and almost zero interactions with Klaus, the person besides Grace who brought that out the most last year.

(What happened to those two, last time we saw them they were pretty much the closest in the family besides the Allison/Vanya link; here, Diego's almost contemptous. Has he levelled up in his mind now he's bffs with Luther?) I wanted to find the scene with him and Ben endearing, since we get so few interactions with Ben and any one besides Klaus, but it wasn't even that personally linked to them beyond 'Remember our one specific memory? Anyways, lolz, u should keep Klaus' body, idgaf.')

Allison Allison I think suffers from a lot of the same problems as she was introduced with - like Vanya, her powers are kind of linked to a lack of control in a way that the guys aren't; and a lot of her development is offscreen.

I actually really enjoyed the episode focusing on her, though, I thought it was one of the strongest of the season.

Her husband got a bit OTT with his catchphrase - where Diego's was 'JFK', Ray's was very clearly ' the movement!' and I found it odd how easily all the siblings but especially Allison gave up on returning to their own time and committed to another relationship built on lies (albeit this time of omission - baby steps!) but I kind of like that, like that's Allison, kind of co-dependent and self-deceiving.

Really, I feel like Allison's more interesting when they plunge into her darker side, I was riveted in the 'more!' scene, as well as the 'I heard a rumour you killed your brother'.

I think it's especially important as she's a WOC, which this season focused on more, like, it's very important not to fall into the common writing trap where the guys are allowed to be vindictive or needy or selfish and the women are there to be the moral guidance (for the same reason, I also loved the Five/Vanya stand-off); and that goes double for the model minority bit.

I was worried that they'd fall into the trap of Allison needing to be twice as good not just with how the sit-ins were portrayed but also generally (she speaks seven languages! She makes extensive notes on the state of race relations with specific regard to Dallas in the 1960s!) and once more, it seemed like Emmy Raver Lampman was trying to put across a more interesting read on Allison in terms of how isolated she was from any awareness of oppression in the outer world, first in the Academy and then through being a powerful celebrity and the contrast that creates for her in Dallas which didn't quite get met by the writing/direction.

It was great to see how she got to become part of a community in a way the others didn't, also, and particularly being protected by the beauty shop ladies when she arrived; like, the imbalance of genders as well as races in the Academy genuinely made it refreshing to see.

(The relapse is also very up and down in tone, like they make attempts at pathos, but it's also accompanied by the Styx soundtrack/60s light effects...)

Klaus and Ben - Probably my least favourite aspect of this season.

There was a bunch of telling not showing (Klaus' three year sobriety being expressed in Ben's expository sentence and that .5 second shot of him turning down a joint) and once you remove the biggest impacts on Klaus' character (the addiction and his power) without explanation, you're basically left with 'Klaus causes problems for himself for comedic value.' 

I don't really care about who fights well or which powers are developed (didn't read the comics, don't plan to) but it seems to be like the best portrayals of superheroes show the powers as metaphors for their lives - Vanya struggles to control her emotions, Ben feels powerless, etc. If you take away the powers, you take away the reasoning behind the character.

Why is Ben pretty much the only ghost (particularly when in S1, they seemed ever-present)? How or why did Klaus learn to summon them in the alt-apocalypse?

I liked the scene of Klaus interacting with Ray before they find out he's married to Allison, that was cute.

I also liked seeing him interact with Vanya and Allison (there was an interesting shot where Allison says she has a life she worked for, and Klaus smiles - is that because in contrast, he doesn't? I'd have liked them to acknowledge the link between cults and celebrity, tbh, those two have a lot in common. Or is it because she isn't using her power and neither is he?), and I thought it was cool to note how when the group are reunited, they fall into a power structure right away.

Like, right away, Klaus sells out Vanya and Allison to the guys ('It's usually Vanya!' or mentioning how Allison's being 'involved in community politics'.) Likewise, everyone kowtows to Five, then Luther, over the rest (like when Five says they won't go with Vanya to the farm) and no one speaks up for Diego in front of Reginald.

I want to give the others the benefit of the doubt and say they were kind of shitty to Klaus in particular in this season because they were in a group, because it's a huge downgrade in compassion (especially since Allison was like, covering him with a blanket when they're alone.) 

Like, I get sibling culture, I have 'em, but I feel like when you're bringing possible 'seizures' up, you're sort of skirting what's then played as comedic (Luther dragging him, the 'check please' line), especially Diego's: 'He's probably having an overdose.' (Kinda seeing why no one rushed to join Team Zero.)

Like, he and Klaus do just kind of seem contrivedly not communicating - I would think after the isolation, you'd crack through boredom if nothing else.

Ben's kind of an odd duck - I feel like with Steve Blackman's comments, he's supposed to be this philosophical voice of reason; but tbh, he seems as self-involved as Klaus, and if anything, they mirrored each other (that line in S1 about Klaus being cowardly plays a little differently after the revelation 'He was afraid to go into the light'...) rather than separating him into his own person.

I mean, I don't want Saint Ben (or St. anyone!), but Ben does kind of irritate, like it's not like he even particularly gets much wit or personality in his lines (and I doubt Justin Min would be short of inspiration there, so it does seem to be a writing choice) or they give him much warmth or concern (I still like that shot of him walking off in the sixth episode of S1, though - where is he off to?!) In S1, we do at least get to see him panicking and how helpless he must feel that he can't alert the others to danger etc. He doesn't really offer opinions that offer a personal philosophy beyond 'Stop being a junkie' (he was willing to shut off Grace - was that to tick off Klaus for taking the opposite opinion, or is he super pragmatic generally?) or 'Admit it, Klaus, Luther's Okay!' (Again, is this nostalgia for the other siblings, or what? It would have been nice to have Ben interact with all his siblings, considering they included the whole possession plot for less than necessary stuff like 'Ben kisses a girl!' and 'Vomit shenanigans!')

I just feel like his personality was kind of an afterthought still, and it made his sacrifice for Vanya, touching as it was, feel a little unearned.

Why doesn't Klaus tell Ben he wants to go back for Dallas for Dave? Why doesn't Ben tell Klaus he wants to go back to San Francisco for Jill? Was Ben in Vietnam? How come he's gone from using Dave as A Reason to Get Clean to a 'fling' - dark reading of Ben, tbh, like does he want Klaus clean purely for his own gain, and now he is, Dave's of no further value? What does Ben think Klaus is looking Dave up for - he says it's 'selfish', does he literally think Klaus is just there to hook up with Dave pre-death? It's hard to parse whether Ben has a low opinion of Klaus in particular or whether he, like the rest of them, has kind of adopted to a point Reginald's views - it was neat to see a comparison of the two there.

The possession stuff was a cool parallel, as well, if underused on the whole - Ben's happy to take advantage of Klaus' body despite his clear ambivalence and then outright refusal; Klaus is happy to take advantage and have sex with his own cult followers. 

The cult stuff was even less strong, imho - I said last year how I'd enjoy a darker reading of Klaus, as S1 I felt sometimes was unfair to the others in that we see them being impatient with him; but never how his addiction would have impacted upon them negatively; but here, there's no real exploration of Klaus' narcissism or manipulation (in fact the plot seems to play out exactly the same as Allison's in S1 - we start with all the action about why they pursued fame etc. dealt with offscreen, and begin when the lead has already tired of it all.)

I mean, Klaus is self-destructive, as we saw in S1, but here it's an odd combination, like he's at once both cowardly of physical harm (in a way he wasn't really in S1, even post-Dave, so it doesn't seem to be in reaction to his death) but also running a cult for the attention, but the attention is presented as negative almost exclusively throughout.

Like, I'd get it if it was an interest in money and the finer things in life, even, you could make an interesting point there (and iirc, Robert Sheehan and I think Emmy Raver Lampman have) about how while the Hargreeves were abused, they were also 'spoilt rich kids'; and reflect on that; but it's literally just there for gags.

There's no real explanation for the cult itself (they literally just regurgitate pop culture references) or an exploration of Klaus as a con artist (again - here's where you could show some kind of progression in character, whether it's forward or backwards, and use the powers; and have Klaus working as a shady medium, but nope, it's physical comedy only.)

You could delve into his refusing to even tell the others about Ben's presence, but that's handwaved as much as ever (Five didn't go 'Huh, well, Ben was there when the Soviets came...') not just from the other siblings, but also Ben and Klaus themselves.

‘Cause I could see how Klaus would feel guilty about saying that, regardless; but then Ben's all 'Well, I was chicken to go anyway' 

It might have been a little more affecting if Ben's motivation for possessing Klaus wasn't Jill, a character we know exactly zero about, but talking to his family; not to mention a lot more sympathetic towards Ben himself. As it is, it plays more like he's petty and jealous Klaus gets to be alive, rather than frustrated that Klaus is essentially silencing him.

And again, that's fine, maybe that is Ben, he stopped aging at 17, after all, but I'm not sure what the point is of a plot where we don't really get to see much exploration of either character.

Like, what did we learn about Klaus from this specific sub-plot? We knew in S1 he felt guilty that Ben died young, and that he was happy to allow his siblings to believe Ben is gone.

Likewise, Ben? We knew in S1 he was envious of Klaus being alive, and bitter that his position was so powerless.

It was nice to see the teenage actors (did they dub Teen!Klaus??? Odd.) post Ben's death, but it kind of didn't resolve much, really - it seemed like Klaus was supposed to be bullshitting about the 'golden light' and whether or not you can just...'go' whenever you please, but then it seemed like it turned out to be true?

(Might want to have mentioned that, then, like I get he's a Hargreeves and therefore a fail at interpersonal relationships, but you'd think it wouldn't take a smart guy to figure that if your brothers already toying with self-destruction in his teen years, it might not be the most genius move to additionally allow him to believe you're trapped in the 'real torture' of berating him endlessly solely due to his advice; if for no other reason than your one link to humanity is then going to keep up the booze and drugs that blocks you from his presence.)

I was inclined to like the Dave subplot a little more than I did last season, just because something was happening at all (and we got some tiny semblance of Dave's personality, even if it was basic as hell - he likes hamburgers!), but I feel like the Dave recasting thing really stretched credulity.

I would guess it was written backwards, in terms of if Dave was the clearly fully grown adult we saw in S1 a mere five years later, why wouldn't he just go 'Oh, thanks for the tip, dude, I'll avoid all that military jazz'? And why wouldn't Klaus just be like 'Fuck it, can we not just...date now?' Aha, we could make him a little younger, chuck in a Mean Uncle, throw in some manufactured conflict, and zow-pow!

It definitely wasn't the most contrived plot ever or anything (or even on this show), but I did feel like it's weird that again, via the cult, we're kind of asked to see Klaus as this expert manipulator of people, when he seemed almost purposefully stupid here (like, even compared with Luther and Diego.)

Why act as if the only chance you'll ever have to see the guy in the same timezone as you is right that second in front of his crazed uncle? Why say you've tried everything when you met the kid three times (once instigated by him, and I have to say, it's sort of odd, like Klaus is just drinking throughout, like you'd think this would be the one opportunity he'd take to truly and honestly engage without that) and basically just asked him twice, and in the least convincing way possible.

Shoot him in the foot! Burn down the recruitment office! Use your international platform and pull with local government to influence your huge movement towards stopping the war in Vietnam! 

Like, if what you're going for is that Klaus is defeatist and unimaginative, fine, but I'm not sure it's not just that they kind of didn't write beyond the circular 'telling him only made him sign up sooner' casuality because it's so Tragic. 

(Also, I feel like they're overplaying the iconography of those damn dogtags, like at this point, Klaus looking sadly at the dog tags has still probably had more screen time than Dave himself.)

I liked the scene with him and Vanya facing off? 

Five I think didn't really get much more development than S1, he drives the plot forward, but not much else. In fact, in S1, he probably was more interesting, in that he interacted with all of his siblings and showed moments of vulnerability and care (knowing Claire's name, telling Luther not to waste his life, asking Klaus if he was okay) and got to properly react to his siblings' deaths.

Um...it was cool to have two of him? 

It was nice and kind of ambigious where he lied to her about the cause of the apocalypse, like you could go by what he said about how he wanted to avert her anger, or you could wonder if it's a rare moment of kindness in his old age, lol.

I also loved it when he said to Luther about whether he could talk to her 'without squeezing her to death'.

I found Sissy probably the most interesting of the new characters (probably her and Lila more so than Lil!Dave and Ray, tbh.)

Vanya I probably have the least to say about. I was satisfied with how they portrayed the culpability of the others, particularly Luther, without erasing Vanya's part in the apocalypse. (I really, really hope this'll end the endless discourse on her emails book now, that got tired fast.

I could also do without the endless 'lolz, Ellen Page was so bad at playing straight they had to write Vanya as gay'. Ellen Page is pretty convincing as an actor - I bought her raping Rainn Wilson in 'Super', for god's sake, I doubt 'heterosexual' is a challenge.)

The amnesia plot was pretty cliched, and it did mean we didn't get so much actual interaction between the 'real' Vanya (so to speak) and her siblings but I really enjoyed the dream sequence of her in the academy.

#the umbrella academy #ua meta #meta #s2 #i didn't love it #to warn you #luther hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #ben hargreeves #allison hargreeves #diego hargreeves

[aidanchaser]

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: Everyone Lives AU

Table of Contents beta’d by @ageofzero, @magic713m, and @somebodyswatson

Chapter Ten The House of Gaunt

Harry’s head was still swimming with a strange thrill of success when they sat down for dinner after their first day of classes. The Felix Felicis was tucked away in the breast pocket of his robes, the safest place he could think of until he could return to the common room with his friends.

“If you got that lucky,” Ron said as he piled his plate with roast potatoes, “you’d be the last person who needed the luck potion. Come on, what did you do?”

“You’ve never done better than me in Potions,” Hermione said, her voice full of a particular brand of acid that she usually reserved for Ron.

But Harry, still thrilled with his success, was unhurt by her comment. He’d only ever managed to outdo Hermione in Defense Against the Dark Arts, and it was nice to have succeeded in something else for once, something he didn’t feel destined to succeed in.

“Maybe I’ve learned a bit from my Mum,” he said. “I brewed my own Essence of Dittany with an Infusion of Silver this summer. Even helped with a handful of Blood-Replenishing Potions.” He kept an intentionally cheeky grin as he said it, though. He would tell Ron and Hermione about the book — but later, in the common room, where they were less likely to be overheard.

Once they were seated in a quiet corner, where Harry was mostly hidden behind an overstuffed chair in order to avoid the gaping eyes of first-years and the handful of fourth and fifth year girls who had taken a fashion to saying shy “hellos” to him in the hallway, though he’d never spoken to them before, Harry showed them his copy of Advanced Potion-Making and told them about the previous owner’s additional instructions.

Hermione’s irritation transformed into cold judgement as Harry spoke, as if each of his words was part of a lengthy Transfiguration spell.

“I s’pose you think I cheated?” he asked her, once he had finished explaining.

“Well, it wasn’t exactly your own work, was it?”

“He only followed different instructions from ours,” said Ron, who was squinting at the cramped writing beside a recipe for Invigoration Draught. “Could’ve been a catastrophe, couldn’t it? But he took a risk, and it paid off. Slughorn could’ve handed me that book, but no, I get the one no one’s ever written on. Puked on by the look of page 52.”

Harry, without meaning to, tuned out Ron’s complaints. He had become distracted by a familiar scent that entered the common room. It was earthy, like his family’s garden, like the Burrow, like the Quidditch pitch — like the Amortentia he had smelled downstairs just hours ago. Then Ginny leaned over Harry to snatch the book out of Ron’s hands and he caught a whiff of the same floral shampoo he had smelled last night, when he’d told her about the prophecy. He hadn’t been able to identify it then, as caught up as he’d been in the prophecy, but he’d smelled it again in the Potions classroom, and he knew it was jasmine. It was the same scent he caught in the garden each summer. He had wondered if the Amortentia was simply telling him he missed home. Now he wondered if it was telling him something else.

“Did I hear right?” Ginny said, apparently unconcerned with the way her long, loose red hair brushed Harry’s cheek. “You’ve been taking orders from something someone wrote in a book, Harry?”

She looked both frightened and furious. Harry was eager to allay her fears.

“It’s just something someone wrote in a textbook — it’s nothing like Riddle’s diary.”

“But you’re doing what it says?”

“I just tried a few of the tips written in the margins, Ginny. Honestly, there’s nothing funny —”

Hermione, though, seemed almost excited at the idea that this potions textbook, with notes from a former student, might be tantamount to the diary that had possessed Ginny and forced her to unleash a basilisk on the other students at Hogwarts.

“Ginny’s got a point,” she said. “We ought to check that there’s nothing odd about it. I mean, all these funny instructions, who knows?”

Ginny quickly handed the book over to Hermione before Harry could grab it from her.

“Hey —”

Hermione tapped her wand on the cover. “Specialis Revelio!”

Harry remembered trying a similar spell on Tom Riddle’s diary. He did not think that if this book was hiding comparable dark secrets, her spell would work any better than his had.

As expected, the book lay flat on the floor undamaged, apart from the wear and tear it had sustained years previously.

“Finished?” Harry asked. “Or d’you want to wait and see if it does a few backflips?”

He reached for it, but Ginny leaned in and snatched it first. She squinted at the cramped handwriting in the margins and turned it over. “Writing’s familiar, though, isn’t it? Ah —” she looked at the bottom of the back cover. “‘This Book is the Property of the Half-Blood Prince,’” she read. “Who’s the Half-Blood Prince?”

“How should I know?” Harry finally grabbed the book from Ginny. “This book’s older than I am, I’d bet.” He managed to hide his disappointment at the name in a feigned irritation with his friends.

Harry’d had a wild thought in the middle of the Potions lesson that perhaps the book had belonged to his mother. The handwriting hadn’t been hers, but the way the notes were written and the commentary they offered up about the initial author of the book had reminded him of her notes about the Essence of Dittany recipe. Unfortunately, this new discovery erased any possibility the co-author might have been his mother. She was neither a half-blood nor a prince. Besides that, as he’d already checked, the publication date was long before his mother had attended school.

“I still think you shouldn’t use it,” Hermione warned.

Harry did not plan to take her warning very seriously.

When he and Ron did finally make it upstairs to their dormitory, Harry tucked the Felix Felicis into a set of socks and buried it at the bottom of his trunk. He hid it away where he had tucked away another equally precious item, which he now removed.

Once Harry was certain none of the other boys were going to make use of the shower, Harry went inside, locked the door, and turned on the water to mask his voice as he pulled the recently repaired two-way mirror from the pocket of his robes.

Even though Umbridge was no longer searching through students’ post and limiting Harry’s contact with his family, James and Sirius had made sure to mend the shattered mirror before Harry returned to school. It was a convenient way to stay in touch, and Harry prefered talking to his parents face to face, more or less, instead of trying to parse their thoughts and worries from carefully crafted letters.

“Mum? Dad?” he said into the mirror. His breath fogged it over, and once it had cleared he had a good view of the kitchen, as if he were standing in front of the fireplace. He could see James helping Picksie finish the dishes, and Lily sitting at the small table with a small collection of letters in front of her. She was the first to look up at the mantle and the worry that was creased on her face vanished behind a relieved smile.

“Harry!” She walked over to the fireplace and took the mirror down. Harry’s view of the kitchen shifted dramatically, and became mostly consumed with Lily’s face as she sat back down at the table. “How was your first day?”

“Great — er, mostly. How are things at home? Where’s Sirius?”

“We’re alright here at home. Sirius has gone north to track a lead on some Death Eater recruiters. I’m organizing some reports for the Order and sorting out urgent information for Dumbledore. Your father’s done his part for the Order by making us an exceptional cherry pie.”

Harry laughed, because appreciating his mother’s joke was more pleasant than admitting he already missed home, and would have loved some of his father’s pie.

“What about you? What subjects did you have today?”

“I get a free period until lunch, so that’s nice,” Harry said. “But after that is Defense Against the Dark Arts with Snape.”

Lily’s smile was sympathetic, and Harry saw James approach over her shoulder.

“Sorry about that, Snitch,” James said. “We know he isn’t your favorite professor. But he’s been after that position for years. It was only a matter of time before Dumbledore ran out of candidates for the job.”

“I know Mum’s already tried, but you could come back and teach it,” Harry said.

Lily shook her head. “I love your father too much to let him take on a cursed teaching position. Nearly losing you to a basilisk was enough for us, I think.”

“Besides, Snape is very good at Defense, if I recall,” James said. “I’m sure there’s loads you can learn from him.”

“Good at the Dark Arts, maybe,” Harry grumbled. He bit down on his lip and reluctantly told them the least exciting part of his day: “I already got a detention from Snape.”

Their disappointed faces were as heartbreaking as Harry had expected, but neither of them mentioned grounding Harry, or punishing him any further as they might have when he was younger.

“What for?” James asked.

“Cheek.”

“Did you deserve it?” Lily asked.

“Maybe a little.”

“I don’t expect you and Snape to get on,” James said. “I’ve certainly never managed it myself, but I think you’ll learn a bit more from him if you keep your head down and do your best not to rise to any bait, no matter how tempting it might be, alright?”

“He singles me out!” Harry protested. “I even apologized for what happened this summer, but he’s no less a git than he was before. Isn’t he on our side?”

“Of course he is,” said Lily, “but Harry — perhaps you should talk to Dumbledore about it. He’ll be able to give you a better insight on Snape, and perhaps have the most influence over Snape’s behavior. You know Snape’s relationship with the two of us is complicated, and unless you want us to insist you be removed from Defense class —”

“No. I need to know Defense.”

“Then talk to Dumbledore. That might be your best option. Though if you deserve that detention, I’m not about to write an owl to Snape asking for you to be excused.”

Harry did knew he deserved the detention, though he didn’t regret what he’d said in the least. “No, I’ll do it. It’s just one Saturday. I’ll just have to move Gryffindor Quidditch try-outs back a week.” Truthfully, he was moving Gryffindor try-outs because he had a lesson with Dumbledore this coming Saturday, but he still wasn’t keen on explaining that to his parents.

“Potions went better, though,” Harry said, eager to change the subject to a more positive topic.

“So you are doing Potions!” James smiled. “I wondered, with Dumbledore hiring Slughorn.”

“I’m glad,” said Lily, and she truly looked proud. “I know you were disappointed in your O.W.L. results. What do you think of Slughorn as a teacher?”

“Theatrical,” Harry said. “Still dotes on his favorites, but he seems to know his stuff well enough. He doesn’t have any care for Malfoy, which is a nice change, since Snape favoured him all the time. And he likes that Hermione knows her stuff. And he actually awards points to Gryffindor.”

“Sounds like an improvement, all-in-all,” James said. “Did he do his usual song and dance, with the Felix Felicis and Amortentia? I remember scrambling to win that Felix Felicis. I wanted it for the Quidditch championship.”

“Which would have been illegal,” Lily reminded him.

James only shrugged with a smile.

“Well,” Harry said, trying and failing to suppress a wide smile, “I promise I won’t use it on a Quidditch match.”

Lily gasped. “Did you really? Harry, that’s impressive!”

James’s grin was as wide as Harry’s. “Congratulations.”

“But I’ll need potions supplies. And a copy of Advanced Potion-Making.” Harry didn’t have any intention of giving up the Half-Blood Prince’s copy, but he also had no intention of letting his parents know he had a copy with altered instructions inside, especially now that he was certain the instructions weren’t his mother’s.

“Of course, we’ll get those for you in Diagon Alley and have them sent over,” Lily assured him. “I’m glad your first Potions class went over so well. I expect you get it from me. Though I suppose all the extra work you’ve put into helping me this summer helped a good deal.”

Harry grinned, wishing for all the world that she was right. “I’m sure your notes in the book you gave me for my birthday will help.”

“Just promise not to use any of my comments in any essays for Slughorn,” Lily laughed. “He and I got into some atrocious rows over Potions theory. He’s a bit more… traditional than I was.”

Harry could not imagine Slughorn getting into a row with anyone. He seemed so amenable, particularly to people like Lily, who were gifted in their field, but Harry wasn’t sure he wanted further details. “I’ll remember that. Er — one more question…. You said he did the Amortentia when you took Potions. Do you… remember what it smelled like? Was it each other? Or was it just whoever you were going out with at the time?”

Lily blushed and James grinned.

“It did not smell like the girl I was dating at the time,” James said. “But I already knew who I liked and knew I was going out with the wrong girl. It didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. Your mother, on the other hand….”

Lily sighed, but her cheeks were still pink. “To be fair, what I smelled in the Amortentia wasn’t anything I didn’t already know, they were just things I didn’t want to know. Amortentia won’t tell you your true love, Harry, any more than it can create true love. It will just remind you of what you’re already attracted to.”

“If you’re really hung up on it,” James said, “you can do what your mother did, and nick a bunch of Slughorn’s potions supplies, and brew your own Amortentia in the prefect’s bathroom.”

Lily glared up at James. “That was a controlled experiment! I was… testing something.”

“Testing whether or not it smelled my cologne because I had leaned over to get a better whiff of Amortentia or because you were actually attracted to it?”

“I did not smell your cologne! I smelled — well — it was the Quidditch pitch. Or something earthy like it.”

“Like home,” Harry said, startled that he and his mother had this strange thing in common.

Lily looked surprised. “Yes. I suppose they are similar scents. Freshly cut grass, recently tilled earth, that sort of thing.”

“I smelled your mother’s shampoo,” James said. “Which is why when I caught her with a cauldron in the prefect’s bathroom, at first I thought I’d discovered the potion she used to make her hair so silky.”

“Oh, stop. You knew what it was and you teased me about it for months.”

“Sure. Once I saw the unique curls of steam and caught the smokier scent that reminded me of your temper and Sirius’s cigarettes, I knew what it was.”

Harry frowned. “Dad — why did the potion remind you of Sirius?”

James laughed. “It’s about what you’re attracted to, isn’t it? I love your mother’s temper and your mother, at times, reminds me of Sirius. Attraction and love are related, but they aren’t the same. Love is choice. It’s hard work and dedication. It’s a decision you make each day you decide to be with someone.” James leaned in closer to Lily and kissed the top of her head. “Attraction’s just a really good start.”

“Okay, thanks, that’s enough.” Harry had known it would be difficult enough to talk to his parents about Amortentia, and it had finally reached the “more than I ever wanted to know about my parents” category.

Lily seemed to understand. She smiled and said, “We’ll let you get some rest, Harry.”

“Oh — before I go — did you talk to Tonks today?”

James frowned. “She stopped in this morning to try to catch Sirius before he left, but she’d just missed him. Why? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, fine.” So Tonks had had an opportunity to tell his parents about his eavesdropping on Malfoy and she hadn’t. He was grateful.

Harry yawned, hoping to hide his lie of omission. “I just saw her before the feast, since she was stationed at Hogwarts for the night. Wondered if she was alright.”

Lily and James didn’t seem to buy this explanation, but they didn’t press him further.

“Good night, Snitch,” said James. “Sweet dreams, alright?”

“Sure,” Harry said, a bit dismally, but he could only hope. “No dreams,” might have been a more realistic approach. But he didn’t correct his father. He only said, “You too,” knowing sweet dreams were a similarly difficult task for his parents, who worried about him far too much.

—————————— ✶✶✶——————————

Dear Mum and Dad,

I hope all is well at home. It’s only been a day at school and I miss you very much. We had Defense Against the Dark Arts today, and it is very challenging. We are learning silent spellcasting, and I can’t master it very well. But it’s only been one lesson. Maybe Harry or Hermione will be able to help me. Hermione is already doing very well.

I know Gran will be disappointed, but McGonagall would not let me continue Transfiguration. She said she was proud of my “A” but she only took students on who had achieved an “E” or above. She insisted I take Charms, though, and while it’s nice to be in a class with good friends — all of Gryffindor is taking Charms — I do feel like I’ve let Gran down a bit.

Herbology is wonderful, though! Professor Sprout is glad to have me in class, and she was very pleased with my “Outstanding,” almost as impressed as Mr. Potter was.

I know you’ve both said not to worry about you while I’m at school, but I do worry. I hope you are both safe. I was wondering what it was like during the first war. Did the two of you fight You-Know-Who a lot before I was born? Do you know how many times?

I was just wondering. Again, I hope you’re both safe. I love you very much!

Love,

Neville

—————————— ✶✶✶——————————

Cedric —

I hope all is well. I don’t know how bad it is at the Ministry these days, but I bet it can’t be easy. I had a sort of private lesson with Dumbledore tonight, and I already talked it over with Ron, Hermione, and Neville, but I thought you might be interested in it, too. Dumbledore’s decided to teach me stuff about Voldemort this year, stuff that he thinks might help me defeat him. I don’t totally understand how, but you might understand it better.

Tonight, Dumbledore showed me a memory of Bob Ogden. He used to work in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. I don’t know if he was an Auror or not. He said he was the head of some Squad or something. In the memory he was delivering a court summons. Is that something you do as an Auror? I guess that’s not really important. It wasn’t what he was doing that Dumbledore wanted to show me, it was who he was going to meet that Dumbledore wanted me to see.

There was this family called the Gaunt family. They lived outside of a village called Little Hangleton, and they claimed to be really important purebloods, descended from the Peverell family and the Slytherin family. They might have been right. Everyone in the family could speak Parseltongue. It was strange, being able to understand them in the memory, when even Dumbledore and Ogden didn’t know what they were saying.

Ogden was there to deliver a court summons to the son, Morfin, because Morfin had hexed a Muggle. Morfin also hexed Ogden when he arrived, and his dad, Marvolo Gaunt wasn’t even sorry about it. He said a lot of terrible things about Muggles and Muggle-borns. While Ogden was trying to explain about Morfin being in trouble, Marvolo put on this big speech about his family history, and showed Ogden the big black-stone ring that proved he was a Peverell and he nearly choked his daughter showing off Salazar Slytherin’s locket.

I think he really hated his daughter. He was cruel to her, called her a Squib, and said mean things about her in front of Ogden and everything. And when her brother told the father she liked looking at one of the Muggles in town, he nearly choked her to death. I think he might’ve if Ogden hadn’t been there to intervene, and if Ogden hadn’t come back and arrested Morfin and Marvolo.

It was a horrible memory to witness, and after it was over Dumbledore explained to me that the family is Voldemort’s family. The daughter Merope was his mother. The Muggle she liked was Tom Riddle, Voldemort’s father. Dumbledore thinks she used a love potion to make him leave his Muggle girlfriend. At some point, she stopped using it and he left her alone with the baby, and I guess she must have died some time after Voldemort was born, but she named him Tom Marvolo Riddle, after his father and grandfather.

I don’t know why Dumbledore showed me all this and told me about Voldemort’s parents, but he promised it was important. More interesting, I thought, was what Dumbledore had on his desk. He had the ring that Marvolo wore in the memory. I remembered he was wearing it the night he stopped by my house, too. Slughorn even recognized it, I think, when we visited him. I asked Dumbledore if he’d always had it, but he said he’d only gotten it recently — around the time he’d injured his hand. He’s hurt it so badly, it’s practically useless, but he won’t tell me what he did to it, or what it’s got to do with the ring, or why the ring has a huge crack in it now. I know it’s something about Voldemort, of course, but I can’t figure out what.

He also had Salazar Slytherin’s locket on his desk. It wasn’t broken but…. There was something about the locket. I didn’t like being in the same room with it. I guess it has something to do with Slytherin? He wouldn’t tell me where he got the locket, either. Only that a mutual friend of ours had given it to him. That could be anyone, though. Practically everyone I know would be considered a friend of Dumbledore’s.

I don’t know what to make of it all, exactly. I don’t know if you know any more, but I know you were very determined this summer to fight Voldemort, so I thought you should know what I know, at least.

One more thing…. I didn’t tell Dumbledore that I’d be telling you all of this. I knew I would tell Ron and Hermione and Neville, and Dumbledore seemed to agree that it’d be hard for me to keep it from them, but I didn’t mention that I’d write it to you. Not that I think you and Dumbledore take tea regularly, but these lessons are sort of secret.

Regardless, I hope you’re well. And I hope you’re safe.

— Harry

—————————— ✶✶✶——————————

Dear Harry,

It was great to hear from you. All is well here, for now. It’s terribly busy, of course, but I’ve managed to slip away to Grimmauld Place for a few hours and thought I’d take the time to write to you. It’s curiously empty; I’m not sure where Regulus Black has gotten off to. Makes it a bit harder to nap in the parlor, wondering if he’s going to appear suddenly. But he disappeared often enough while we were here that summer, didn’t he? So maybe it’s nothing strange at all.

Your letter was especially interesting. I’ve managed to do a bit of digging, as I have access to records as an Auror that you might not find with your Hogwarts library card. Bob Ogden was a fairly decorated Hit Wizard who eventually became an Auror and moved up into administrative roles from there. The memory you described seems to have taken place about seventy years ago. I was able to find the Aurors’ arrest report for Marvolo and Morfin Gaunt, and the transcripts of their trials. They certainly weren’t my favorite sort of purebloods. Seems like inbreeding and ancestors who squandered their wealth left the Gaunts fairly unhappy with a lot of pride in blood and no interest in work.

I wasn’t able to find any sort of birth records for Merope Gaunt’s son. I don’t know if I have to dig deeper at St. Mungo’s or if there just aren’t any, but I expect Dumbledore’s not wrong. He’d know for certain, as Tom Marvolo Riddle would have been recorded in the Book of Admittance when he was born, if he were eligible for Hogwarts. I can’t imagine anyone other than a Gaunt would saddle their child with a name like Marvolo.

I don’t know if you picked up on this, since you witnessed Bob Ogden’s memory, but that village that you mentioned, Little Hangleton, happens to be home to the same graveyard you and I were transported to at the end of the Triwizard Tournament. I don’t remember everything that happened when we were there, but when you were telling Dumbledore what happened, you mentioned the potion Voldemort used to resurrect himself. He mentioned something about his father’s bone, didn’t he? It would make sense if his father, Tom Riddle, was buried there.

You also mentioned that Morfin was initially being summoned because he’d hexed a Muggle, and I found that in his initial arrest record. But he was also arrested almost seventeen years later for murdering that same muggle — Tom Riddle. I wonder if he was upset that his sister had run off with a Muggle? Seventeen years seems like a long time to wait for revenge, but he seemed mad judging by the transcripts of his sentencing. Kept going on and on about how his father would kill him for losing the family ring. I wonder how it fell into Dumbledore’s possession. If Dumbledore tells you, you’ll have to let me know.

I can see why Dumbledore doesn’t want this kind of information spreading. Imagine if Voldemort knew just how much Dumbledore knew about him! I’m happy to keep my knowledge a secret, though I should warn you, I took a friend who’s a Hit Wizard out to Little Hangleton with me. When I made the connection between Little Hangleton and Voldemort’s father, I had to see for myself if the graveyard was the same place, and I wasn’t sure I’d be alright going on my own. I didn’t tell him anything, not even that it might be a lead on Voldemort. I told him it was a personal curiosity — which was true — and he didn’t press me. Thelborne’s that kind of friend. It’s nice. I don’t know many of the other wizards who’d be willing to take their day off to go tromping around a Muggle village looking at headstones with me.

We also found the Gaunt house, or what was left of it. It’s been falling apart for centuries, it seems like. It looked like someone had been there recently, and I told Thelborne it was probably just kids getting themselves into trouble, but I wonder if it wasn’t Voldemort himself….

I hope you found my letter as interesting as I found yours. And I hope your studies are going well. Quidditch season should be starting up soon. Is everything alright with that? I can’t imagine Dumbledore is enforcing Umbridge’s ban.

Look forward to hearing from you soon.

— Cedric

#hbp #cedric diggory #harry potter everyone lives au #harry potter and the halfblood prince #hp everyone lives au #hp fic

[paperclipninja]

Younger post-ep ramble 6x11

I may be on holiday but if you think that’s going to stop me offloading some thoughts and feelings about this week’s episode of Younger, ‘Holding Out for a SHero’, then you’d be sorely mistaken (any chance to over-think and over-analyse my fave fake reality). In saying that, this will be a briefer version of my usual post-ep ramble, what I shall refer to as Ramble Lite™. There were parts of this episode I really liked and parts I felt disappointed with, but it largely played out in a way that I expected, with the exception of that twist at the end! Hats off to Joe Murphy for that fab misdirection, I may have gasped.

This episode opened with Maggie in her tomato garden looking radiant and Liza filling her in on the decision not to see Josh anymore because it’s complicated and feelings and that undeniable thing called chemistry (or something like that). I applaud Maggie’s consistent use of Chaz (I really hope we get to hear her say it to his face at some point) and Liza stating out loud that she chooses Charles, but this scene also delivered one of the two big moments of disappointment I had in this ep. If anything was ever going to be out of character on this show it would be Liza, a writer and editor, being unable to come up with decent adjectives to describe the man she is supposedly in love with. Yet here she is describing Charles as ‘a peer’ and ‘appropriate’ as reasons for choosing to be with him. For real? I understand the effort to paint him as the sensible choice vs. the less sensible, the head vs. heart, in this triangle that’s been resurrected. This particular way of describing men has always served a clear purpose in the Youngerverse and ngl, my alarm bells went off in episode 7 when Michelle referred to Charles as ‘appropriate’. Liza uses this exact term to describe Richard, the horrendous man Michelle sets her up with in S1E2 who starts reading emails at the dinner table on their date, he’s ‘age appropriate’. She also described Jay as nice, viable, legitimate prospect, sure, but she also sobbed on his shoulder because she was so in love with Charles that her heart was aching at the thought of missing the chance to be with him.

It feels so painfully deliberate, Charles has gone from intellectually invigorating and romantic and been relegated to safe and ‘appropriate’. My disappointment comes from the fact that if this triangle must remain in play, there can be two men who are vibrant and compelling and really different, without painting one as ‘boring’ and one as ‘fun’. Knowing the way Liza talks about the important people in her life, with such admiration and affection, I feel she would at least say Charles is intelligent and romantic or kind or thoughtful or SOMETHING better than being ‘a peer’ and ‘appropriate’. I do believe that as viewers we often form our own interpretations of characters and when they don’t behave the way we imagine we are disappointed, but in this case it’s the disappointment that Liza’s entire reason for being attracted to Charles is being reduced to the idea that it’s sensible when we have been shown this is simply not the case. Phew, glad I got that off my chest (and so much for Ramble Lite™ lol).

Once in the office Liza is running Diana through the wedding planning, which frankly I cannot wait to see all come together. I love that Liza’s already secretly planned a bachelorette party and really does know Diana well enough to know she’ll want one (so many lols @ Diana’s, ‘yes that’s why I was bringing it up, because I don’t want one’ and could Liza look any more pleased with herself that she’s managed to pull the wool over her eyes? Adorbs). Charles arrives looking for Kelsey and is wanting to see how she would like to break the news that he is once again publisher, because that’s how they work now that they’re the dynamic duo and have I mentioned this week how much I LOVED seeing their dynamic last week? Kelsey proves that she has indeed kept her head and announces that Millennial secured a new investor and that Charles is once again in the boss seat and I am once again extremely impressed with Kelsey this season, as is Diana (and honestly if you have the D.Trout stamp of approval, what more do you need?).  I will also never tire of seeing Diana, Kelsey and Liza as true peers and now friends, it’s undoubtedly a highlight of season 6.

The book pitch of the week is extremely timely (as always), a manners for millennials piece that aims to counteract the generation’s greatest shortcomings, such as ghosting exes and not RSVPing to weddings. This episode really did have some stellar lines and the fact that Liza can now drop jokes in meetings, such as her ‘neither was I’ response to the author’s ‘I am not proud to be a millennial’, is the kind of goodness I am here for since the lie is no longer a thing. Naturally Liza and Diana are both very interested in finding out more about these topics and it turns out the best way to get some finality with the ex is to write a good ol’ fashioned Dear John letter (best way to get those RSVP’s -unknown). This is reinforced nicely in Charles’ office, when Liza leaps off Charles’ desk as though she and Charles were caught christening the damn thing (which would’ve been very ok by me and at this point you should know I’m not at all sorry) by Diana bearing flowers and note from Alice the author letting them know she will not be publishing her book with Millennial (so no Charles, the flowers are not for you).  All this talk of how good letters are leads to Liza penning her Dear Josh letter that night, which we only catch a tantalizing glimpse of initially, before the narration and accompanying montage when Josh actually receives it.

While it was only brief, Charles asking Liza how she feels about him being back as publisher and her answering honestly, she just wishes Kelsey hadn’t been unceremoniously stripped of the title, is yet another lovely insight into their relationship. Charles continuing with, ‘what about you, always thinking of others, how do you feel?’, excuse me while I clutch my heart at the sweetness of it all and seriously, does ANYONE ever ask Liza this? The family picture on Charles’ desk is noted and it’s great but I also can’t help but feel it’s somewhat ominous so I’m putting my gush on pause (v. open to being proven wrong on this).

Kelsey and Zane continue to be all over the place, I have so little investment in them as a pairing and I really think it’s because I have simply not seen enough of them together to know whether I care, though I have enjoyed a number of their interactions recently. It also doesn’t help that Zane has been many shades of douche this season. Since professing their love for one another, he is being caring at the start of this week’s ep, apologising and saying he feels partly responsible for Kelsey’s demotion and trying to allay Kelsey’s self-doubt. It is Kelsey who says that she doesn’t know how to do this with Zane and that one of them always loses (the old editors-who-were-peers-and-then-one-became-the-boss-but-now-they’re-peers-again curse), which returns Zane to Douchetown in time for the staff meeting.

I felt for Kelsey, it would be so hard sitting in that first meeting with Charles at the helm again, though him going through all the acquisitions and saying these are a credit to Kelsey’s impeccable instincts was great and necessary. But then Charles brings up the Arabian Seas book and the ‘we’ enters the conversation, along with a list of books that sound like they belong on the bargain shelf because yawn and yes it’s fine that Charles has his own instincts, but Zane in this meeting is awful. Kelsey calls him out, she is clearly and rightfully angry about the unfairness of her entire situation and she warns Charles to, ‘pay attention…and you too Liza. I didn’t have any boundaries at work and look what happened’. I have no idea if this is foreshadowing but I feel like it could be juicy if it was so let’s keep abreast of any future developments (yes that is a boob pun and you’re welcome).

Highlight of this whole scene of course is Liza ripping into the guy and the whole office when Kelsey walks out of the meeting and can hear that her meme has been made into a banger of a tune. We get fearsome Liza schooling the entire room on the fact that Kelsey did get the money, ‘that’s why we all have a job, she’s a goddamn hero’. YESSSSSS Liza *praise hands*. Kelsey in turn agrees to speak at the girls school event that Lauren put to her earlier (yes it IS ok to be angry and Kelsey no longer distancing herself from her social media mistake but using it as a platform to empower others and be a role model…where do I sign?).

Lauren was in ultimate PR and friend mode for Kelsey this week, trying to figure out how to spin Boobgate and trying to see the positive side of all the invitation cancellations. I always say it, I know, but Lauren’s unrelenting advocacy for her friends is absolutely one of her best qualities and her line, ‘you are an example of a woman who made a very simple mistake and the patriarchy seizing that opportunity to tear you down’, was fantastic. She also very much latched onto the SHero theme and I appreciated her use of the word at any given opportunity.

It is as Lauren and Josh are leaving to catch an Uber to Inkburg Midtown that we discover this means he is very relieved Claire doesn’t have to move to LA now. I really don’t get this. I said last week that Josh is far too woke to expect the mother of his child to bail on her career aspiration just so he doesn’t have to move to LA, especially considering he knows the struggle Liza faced in her own career journey after having Caitlin (who you may remember is her daughter…or was. Current status unknown). If we’d seen in their conversation Claire saying that she really doesn’t want to move but she can’t see another way to give Gemma the life she hopes, then ok, Josh finding a way to up his income is ace. So I do hope we find out at some point this was the case, because Josh deciding he’ll get more money so Claire and Gemma can stay for his convenience, it’s just nope.

Though I do have to say that the biggest benefit of Josh securing the Infinitely 21 partnership is getting to see more Shelly because omfg I cannot with her. The way she talks about paint colours, giving her personal number, the line I could not believe I heard, ‘but seriously, Josh, unload on me’ ( I love that this season has seemed censored af compared to previous ones – I don’t love this but you know what I mean- yet lines like this get dropped in. Too good), I am in awe of her complete and unabashed lust for him.

It is between picking paint colours that Josh finds the letter from Liza and it is heart wrenching. And beautiful. The emotion really is palpable as Josh leaves the store to find somewhere to read it once he realises what it is. The flashback montage is certainly something that hasn’t been utilized in the show and it really leaves such an impression. Coupled with the narration of the letter, it really captures the impact of Josh on Liza’s life and Liza’s genuine commitment to make her relationship with Charles work. If this show was wanting to move these characters past this old relationship it would have been a poignant and perfect way to do it. However it plays out in the long run, I thought it was really well done.

The hands down highlight of this entire episode for me was Diana’s bachelorette party. Lauren running at an unsuspecting Diana screaming, ‘get in the Hummer bitch’ is one of the funniest moments of the series, I will be laughing for eternity. Liza reminding Diana that, ‘I get you’, yes she does and I just love everything about seeing these women, all the Younger women, out together. I feel like the focus of this episode really got pulled to the other drama but this is the first time we’ve ever seen every female character of this show together in a room and I feel like THIS IS A BIG DEAL. Maggie schooling Diana on how strip clubs work and SO many brilliant lines, as Diana waves her money in the air only to tell the first stripper, ‘You’re a lot, no thank you’, then ‘Hi, little one’ as she flags another. The hilarity does not stop with Diana, Lauren’s, ‘here’s a fiver, you should smile more’ is every kind of YES (I sense a whiff of Liz Lemon in that line and I approve). As Liza and Kelsey talk about men and work and blah, Diana tries to bring them back to the purpose of the evening, ‘ladies, there are bulging crotches in your faces, can you focus?’. Listen to the Queen people. Yet another Diana wedding related event in which she ends up asking, ‘how did tonight become all about you?’ and I was thinking the same Diva. *Eyeroll*

The Hummer ends up at Inkburg because Lauren wants to help Diana fulfil her wish of doing something she’ll regret for the rest of her life (and obviously the reason they all need to be there is so Liza and Josh can have their post-letter confrontation). They are all so drunk, it’s hilarious and I would watch an entire feature film about the antics of this group while inebriated. Seriously, take my money. From Lauren’s, ‘Get out of the hummer Doana’ to Maggie’s, ‘I forgot we were in a car’, they cover the entire drunk person spectrum. On top of that we have Diana’s penis balloon hat position which just cracks me up because I am 10 but my fave is Diana saying to Josh, ‘John, just something small, tasteful and literary’ and then as she’s leaving, ‘it was nice to meet you Jake’. Obvs a wise choice not to go through with the tat but I’d love to know what Diana would have ended up with.

Josh calling Liza out on writing the letter and trying to walk away never talking to him was completely fair enough. Him reminding her that she said she would always be there for him, be Gemma’s aunt Liza, he’s not wrong and his hurt and confusion are understandable. But it is so nice to finally hear Liza making a choice and sticking to it (whether she does or not in the future). Josh saying that he gets it, she’s scared of what they were, they still are, it’s powerful and her defensiveness of Charles when he says that she’s making the safe choice is exactly the right response if she really means she has chosen him. And not because I love Charles and Liza together, but because Liza is standing up for her choice and her ‘don’t you tell me what I feel’ retort is so charged and fierce and I love it. ‘I know this is hard to accept Josh, but we were a moment in time. But the time has passed’ - this whole scene is wonderfully acted, the chemistry between these characters has always been strong and this is no exception. And obviously I agree that they need to move on. However my second big disappointment for this episode is the, ‘you forget Liza, I know you. I know when you’re lying (a couple of seasons of thinking she was 26 might contradict that but ok), especially to yourself.’

I absolutely understand the sentiment and I completely appreciate the setup for the zinger, ‘you wrote a letter to the wrong guy’ (though I do take issue with that line in general considering Liza has just said she’s made her choice. Even a simple, ‘I think’ in front of it would’ve made it less arrogant), but if this setup is leading to a Josh and Liza reunion down the track, then I would have preferred the execution be different because to me, this is not insightful or romantic, it’s Josh once again questioning Liza’s understanding of herself and her needs (I know it’s meant to be him trying to get her to ‘be real’ but it just doesn’t land like that for me). I have no doubt lots of fans are jubilant but it feels manipulative and is not a tactic that compels me to think they might have something worth revisiting. If after Liza said, ‘I love him more’ Josh had looked at her with that heartbreak in his eyes he can convey so well and said, ‘well then I hope he loves you the way you deserve’ or something and walked away, then THAT would show growth and make the possibility of him being an option again (which is clearly where this is all heading) far more compelling IMO.

So in one of the best bait and switch moments this show has delivered, Liza returns to the loft and has a good hard look at the gala photo with Charles and Michelle and Tom (and in my head she’s thinking about how good it is she and Charles promised each other they won’t go to things like that anymore) before we see another letter starting, Dear Charles. And just when all the Team Charles Stans were going to have a collective meltdown, it turns out it’s Kelsey writing her resignation letter and we all exhaled but then didn’t because Kelsey, what are you doing??? So. Much. DRAH-MAH, so little time.

Ramble Lite™, that was a good joke wasn’t it? Can’t believe we’ve reached the finale but I am also very ready because WE GET TO GO TO A WEDDING!!!! Better get my neckwear sorted…

#youngertv #younger tv #ramble #6x11 #younger season 6 #liza miller #charles brooks #diana trout #kelsey peters #maggie amato #liza x charles #team charles #review

[laylabahiti]

LAYLA’S MENTALITY: WHERE DOES IT STEM FROM ?

topic: layla’s mindset mentions: hospitals, bullying, religious discrimination, biphobia, hostage situations word count: 1,387

raised under the scrutiny of her parents, layla was expected to be flawless — perfect. even as young as a toddler, she believed this was the way to her parents’ non-existent hearts. for the first few years of her life, the princess caused no problems, aside from interrupting her parents in their study every so often. interruption wasn’t a concept she understood then, all she wanted was their attention — their affection. still, each time her little legs carried her into their room, she was shooed away, told to go play in her own room. she wasn’t without toys and coloring books, but dolls couldn’t hug you back nor tuck you in at night.

when layla was hospitalized at age four for a severe allergic reaction, she thought her parents would be by her side until she was discharged. she was wrong. dazed and confused when she came to, the only people she recognized were her nanny and bodyguard. if a child could feel heartbreak, that was it. she cried — screamed — for her mother and father, only to be reminded repeatedly that they were busy and she needed to quiet down. ‘my parents are not here because i am not perfect’ was the first thought to cross her mind, followed by ‘my allergy is a defect.’ this experience instilled layla’s avoidance of hospitals and doctors, they would only find things wrong with her and nothing could be wrong if she wanted her parents’ love. her fears weren’t allayed when she returned to the palace, layla now eating completely different meals than her family whenever they opted for meat-based dinners. her beliefs only pushed her to work harder towards the unattainable perfection, this was her normal.

her formal education began not long after that, and she was thrilled to get out of the palace and make friends. she wanted to befriend everyone and certainly tried to do so. a few peers responded well to her kindness while others were miniature copycats of their parents, repeating the skepticism felt toward the monarchy to the princess herself. a copt sat as queen consort and some people couldn’t wrap their minds around the multi-religious family. she would return home often upset, lasting only a few years in a formal school before transitioning to private instruction in the palace. yet another hit at her strive for perfection, she couldn’t even manage school. the few friends she made early on remained true, at least for most of their young adult lives.

scandal struck when layla was sixteen — early morning on the thirtieth of july, the king, queen, and press secretary barged into her room, startling her awake. various newspapers were tossed onto her bed but they all declared the same thing: “PRINCESS LAYLA CAUGHT WITH GIRLFRIEND.” the article spared no detail, photos accompanying and all. flashback to the prior afternoon that saw layla out with her best friend, qitarah. well, best friend and secret girlfriend. the two agreed to test the waters a few weeks earlier, not even telling their other two friends. only after asking qitarah did layla entrust her secret with amon and, for safety purposes, her bodyguard. none of that mattered when paparazzi learned to hide, their cameras capturing the first and last public kiss shared between the two. they were in a corner booth, layla reasoned, they made sure no one was around. 

tables turned and layla was public enemy number one — qitarah’s parents going as far as to blame the princess for the entire afternoon’s events. none of her friends were allowed to see her anymore, the monarchy looking more corrupt than ever. layla felt like a disappointment, a disgrace, far beyond having an allergy or requiring a private tutor. her guard had been let go after being questioned, admitting that he knew of layla’s secret. while protecting her all the same, his action was deemed disloyal to the reigning monarchs. once calmed a bit, claimed they only reacted as such because they weren’t prepared, because they didn’t have a press statement on hand in case layla chose to go public. but she knew they wouldn’t have wanted her to be so open with her sexuality, the press statement was damage control. layla control. 

a few days after the initial news article, layla’s bags were packed for her and she was sent to live with her godfather in an entirely different country — a different continent. the public wounds were still fresh and the egyptian monarchs needed layla away so they could get a clear grasp on the outcry. she wasn’t even given a timeframe for her return, maybe she wouldn’t get to come home. while layla was easily welcomed with open arms into her second home, she spent the first week off and on crying in her room; the only time she left the privacy was to get a meal after the family had already eaten. layla tried calling her parents daily, wanting to know when she could fly back, but the calls never got that far before her parents were hanging up. she spent four months away from egypt, layla only believing her parents called for her return because the winter holidays were coming up and they needed to take portraits. the scandal wasn’t mentioned by her parents nor the staff when she returned to cairo, and frankly, she felt like an outsider. not to mention, her new bodyguard was a stranger. 

layla’s remaining teenage years didn’t brighten much, the girl now friendless (aside from other royals) and finding political work to busy herself with and prove to the king and queen that she could do something right. she didn’t date much either, only finding a short-lived fling with the younger glücksburg prince. she’d already overheard her parents discussing arrangements, so she knew her options were running thin once that relationship ended. layla didn’t resist the arranged marriage news once her parents finally made up their minds — if she couldn’t hold down a partner, they’d find one for her. she needed to redeem herself, after all, and on her twenty-first birthday, they began their search.

when the princess was submitted into the protection program, she acted as though her parents had eyes and ears everywhere. her guard certainly wouldn’t let her bend her parents’ rules, not after the last one was fired. she called home daily, either talking to amon or her parents, though amon was usually more willing to chat and keep her caught up. her calls became less frequent, layla coming to terms with the fact that if her parents really wanted to speak to her, they’d call on their own. and the less calls she made, the less she wanted to go back to egypt altogether. 

layla spent more time with the royal friends she had, letting go of some of the ‘proper etiquette’ she had been made to learn and trying to come into her own — a puppet cutting its strings and falling to the ground. knowing her parents would disapprove, layla changed her wardrobe, pierced her nose, and inked her arm with all the teenage rebellion anyone could ask for at age twenty-four. even with all the changes, nothing felt right. nothing felt like her. 

the invasion of two-thousand eighteen was another low point in layla’s life. being forcefully taken from her room and held hostage, she truly thought that was the end for all of them. and after holding back her feelings for over a year, layla came clean to olivier with the small glimmer of hope and optimism that he might feel the same way — he didn’t. that moment changed her, for better or worse is still to be determined, but she wasn’t going to be pushed around anymore.

layla is still trying to figure out who she is and where she belongs. while she never means to oppose her friends, her newfound, impulsive attitude slips out every now and then. she’ll bottle everything up until someone pushes the wrong button, something she doesn’t necessarily realize she’s doing. 

if you have read all this, congratulations on getting through this mess and finding out why layla is the emotional mess that she is. i’m probably forgetting stuff but this is a lot as is.

#*insert image of elmo in front of flames* jaksdjf #buckle up kids bc it's a Ride #idek what to tag this #didn't proofread this ok bye #[ muse ] #?

[aggresivelyfriendly]

~Meet Me In The Hallway~ 

 Chapter 37-Initial Descent 

 Unfailing thanks to the groups chat, the music recs and @nocontrolforlouis who edited from the beach like a rockstar! I messed with it more, so mistakes are mine. as is the story.

My heart is pounding like a thoroughbred dosed standing in the gate waiting for the bullet. I'm staring at the piece of lace that Maria Luisa had shown me months ago through a pixelated screen and it is all that I can see. That and the phone with my wing and a prayer text screen open. The scrap lays over my knee in stark color contrast to the bright ivory of my dress in its yellowing age. The tip of my thumb is also white where I clutch it and I'm sure my knuckles are too, but the edges outside my direct line of vision are blurry.

I'm sure it was meant to be a sweet gesture. Giving me the lace from her wedding dress. It's for luck. A first time lucky marriage, one that lasts, is supposed to be guaranteed by something old and borrowed, blue and new. Yet, this lace may mean the wedding never happens.

The color is off. The dress on my body looks like when someone turns on a light when you are at the edge of sleep in contrast. The lace patterns are different too. And though it took me much less time to find the dress I wear, not the day Harry and I really set our pasts and future aflame in the blinding light of my parents sunroom because I was too devastated by my betrayal to even get out of bed until days later. I found one though, my last day in Australia when I was determined, and finally able, it was the first dress I put on. It felt right.

Today it once again feels like the wrong choice. Or maybe this is the right dress but I'm the wrong bride. The teardrops of Maria Luisa's yellowing lace mock me. Surprisingly, there is no water leaking from my eyes at the moment. I think I am too distressed even to cry. I'd like to call for somebody to get me a paper bag to breath into, but my dress is so tight it's hindering my breath. I want to stand up, and see the reflection, the finished product that my small bridal party, consisting of my mother, Milo's mum, cousin Tricia and of course Kara, had cooed over. But I can't.

I'm sure I look stunning. I look better than I ever have. My hair is longer, but not quite the three promised inches, my waist is slimmer and tight from the spin gym I've exercised my demons at, and I've been very careful with my skin routine. It's much easier to catch Milo sleeping if I take forever to come out of the bathroom, and wedding prep is an excuse the brings smiles to his face and allays questions. In the last three months I have discovered something about myself. The more put together I look on the outside, the more mess I am covering up on the inside.

Makes me wonder about the days I threw on Harry's t shirts and jeans that hadn't seen the inside of a washer in months. I hadn't done much damage then, not even to myself. Less to hide.

There are chinks in the armor of course, if you are looking. They are easy to spackle over, like the toothpaste you shove into the tack holes you make on your walls when leaving a shared residence. But any closer look would reveal that my weight is down because food is less interesting, and my long time in the bathroom is born of not just skin care, but occasional choked breakdowns on the pink woven rug I love so much. Sometimes, the look on Harry's face when he caught the shape of my huge engagement ring keeps me in the cubicle until the wee hours. There isn't really a hallway in our Singapore sized apartment to torture myself in, though that would be more perfect.

Milo had caught the far off look in my eyes. Couldn't avoid it really. As he did from the beginning of the end, when I saw Harry in China 7 months ago. I think he wants to buy my excuses, the way I want to put a mortgage on them. Wedding planning is stressful, I'm traveling a lot, I'm fitting in workouts too now, and I'm constantly on the phone with a well meaning loved one. Usually Kara. My mother is strangely silent.

I think she is mad at me. She told me that morning to go after Harry, when he blazed outta my house like a bushfire.  "Melody, that boy has come for you three times now. He's made the gestures. Make one back." Shed lifted the most imperious arm I'd ever seen out of her and pointed it to the car that was idling at the curb. "Go after him, or you are a fool."

"Milo—"

"Milo deserves a wife not in love with another man!" She'd stamped her damn foot.

And I'd listened- some childhood impulse put away at 14 asserted itself and my feet moved. When I got the heavy wooden door open, the black Range Rover he always seemed to be driving was idling and his head was on the top of the steering wheel. He looked up at me. His face was red and his eyes and mouth were swollen. I couldn't see his tears but I could feel them. It stopped me dead. I had no right to cause him any more pain. My mom was right, he had come for me. And I'd devastated him again.

I had no right.

I saw hope cross his features then a scowl to match his megawatt smile, the dark to its light and my head and heart dropped in response.

The sun hid himself behind a cloud and I couldn't see Harry's expression at all as he pulled away. My mom handed me her car keys, but I just stared at them and handed them back.

I caught her disappointment. "Melly, you'll regret this!" She said it like she had some hidden knowledge. I wasn't sure I could face another rejection, another horrible conversation where it looks like you are going to get everything you want, then have it ripped away. My heart is not safe with Harry. I feel too much and control too little. If only the control I lost was over the number of words, not a freezing of my damn vocal chords.

Milo may be no choice, because I've decided that I have to tell him. Lord knows how you bring up having seen an old flame and trying to be friends. Only to realize you still love them. Just like that I guess. In any case, it had to be easier than the last twenty minutes in that sunroom.

I'd grabbed my cuppa and made him his deep brown brew from memory. It was a stalling tactic to be sure, but I also was unable to walk into that room with empty hands. I wasn't sure what I'd do with them, how the devil would play with them. Would Rosie and her five sisters seek inappropriate contact with Harry's face in a smack or would I pull him into me and connect our mouths like last time we had privacy and there was any hope in the air around us?

I can't hear my footsteps padding on the bare floorboards down the hallway, though I can see them, I'm watching them carry me forward as they are drowned out by the hummingbird heartbeat in my chest. What's going to happen? Will we find a way forward? In what capacity? As friends? As more? Again?

I'm distracted and I watch a plop of coffee fall and blend into the floor when I stop suddenly because I have run into the black and white vans that Harry has been favoring in his casual time.

He's waiting for me in the Hallway.

"Oh!" I react to the spill and see his hand encircle the cup I intended for him.

I follow him into the room and catch that he has sat it down just as he takes the next cup from my hand and places them right next to each other. My cup right next to his-in yellow cloudy light-like so many mornings before.

I look up at him just in time to see his orangutan arms reach for me and I go, before I can question the impulse and melt like a creamsicle in the sun onto his shoulder.

"Melody." He breathes into my hair. My responding hiccup doesn't have any of the relief I would have expected. It's a overfilled balloon, it bursts and the pop is my breath. "I'm sorry, Angel, I'm sorry. That shouldn't....that shouldn't have happened. Knew I had to explain--"

"It's ok, I know you," I gasp, "You didn't know that she was coming." The unasked question, unfair as it is, is why she was there at all? Was he going to see me, then have her come in to see him just after? Was this a game we were playing? Getting back at me? Or did he see me as just a friend?

His grasp on me and the length of this hug doesn't feel friendly.

"No, I didn't know and Jeff didn't know you were going to be there. I hadn't--" he runs his lips across my hair and cinches his arms a little tighter around me. "I wanted to see how the night went, with you, before I told Jeffrey...." He kept hesitating in his words and I wasn't' quite able to understand why. So I pulled back to look at him.

Harry scrambled a bit, but gave me the inches to see his eyes. "Why, um? Why would you need to tell Jeffrey?"

"Teegan and me. We have been out in public together, and like, I've never confirmed the relationship, everyone knows." He draws a breath and I'm sure I'd be able to track his thoughts if I could hear anything but Teegan over and over in my inner monologue.

Harry's talking, slowly, and tripping a bit on his ums, but I've still missed something "Huh?"

"I was saying that, um, Jeff would want to know beforehand if I was gonna break-like break up with her--"

"Why would you break it off with her?" I hear come out of my mouth and I'm in turns terrified of his answer and thrilled by the prospect.

It's quiet for too long save for the chirping of the birds that love my mother's flowers and swim in her bird bath.

"Melody, would you please look at me!" I see his jaw square as I look out the windows into my mother's garden to see a bird ruffle it's wet feathers and take off. His hands clutch my shoulders to emphasize his request and I look at his eyes. Because of us. "Melody, you tell me why I'd break it off with her?"

"Because," I take a big breath. "Because of me? Because of us?" I ask and immediately feel guilty and cast red-handed eyes down.

"Yeah," he breathes and it's light with hope instead of leaden with guilt. "For you, for us. Don't you feel like we aren't over, Angel?"

"I um, I'm not sure, Harry." I flap my hands at my side. It's not over. But the people we will fly away from stick in my mind's eye.

"You're not sure?" I see his perfect brow tick up and think he will have frown lines early and I wish to see them. "Isn't that why we've been talking all the time, like every day. I've been. Well, I've been trying to show you that I can do it. Make you, an um, a priority." He waits. "Melody, please, I'm ruining my relationship-well, like, I already did, when I ran out after you and chastised her for kissing me in front of you." he sighs when he sees my stricken expression. "Melody, she already could tell. I've spent more time chasin you than on her for months now.  It was over when I saw you in Shanghai and you touched me. Wasn't it?"

I've lost my words and his sighs match my bitten lip in frustrated body language.

"Am I?" He gulps like a bullfrog. "Am I a fool, Angel? Do you, um do you not want me? Not," he looks at the ceiling. "Not still love me?"

I'm stuck, because, no he is anything but a fool. I want him and want him and want him. I love him and I love him and I love him. But I'm terrified. Another ford into this water and I might drown. I can't control my feelings with him, it would be as silly as trying to sway the moon. And I'm guilty. The names Milo and Teegan added to the list of hearts broken under Harry and Melly.

I look up to see him biting his lip and he slips his hand down over mine to reach up and pinch it, I'm sure. That would have been his next move years ago with how anxious he seems. It's radiating off of him now like sparks over an orb I saw at a science museum once. The affectation is so ingrained in my memory I lose my train of thought when it doesn't happen. I'm confused when he goes cold and still, until I realize he has gripped my left hand and his thumb is on my ring.

The ring I put on last night when I thought we, as in Harry and me, were over.

He pulls my hand up and stares at it.

Harry's eyes shine like emeralds when he is truly angry. It would be beautiful if it wasn't a little terrifying. When he turns the heat of them on me, I wince.

"Melody! Are you? Are you fucking engaged?" He seethes.

"I...I..." I cough up but make no sense at all.

"Should I answer my own question?" He pushes my hand towards my eyes and I feel that my cheeks are wet. "Because this giant thing," he emphasizes this with a jerk upward of both of our arms. "Looks like it can't be anything else!"

I'm still sputtering and I can see the undertow of hurt below the wave of anger coming towards me.

"How long?" His temples flex. And he waits impatiently, like a ticking clock in the background.

"What?" I finally gasp out.

"How long have you been engaged?" He grits his teeth on the last word.

"November," I pluck from the air and am amazed I know the months of the year still.

"Before or after Shanghai?"

"Before?" I say and I phrase it like a question. Though I'm the only one here with answers.

"You weren't wearing it." He says like it makes a difference.

"I don't." I say.

"How's Milo feel about that?" He gives me a cruel smile and it's incongruent with his face. Before I can answer he continues. "Just around me?" He's snide and I don't like it. I want to slap it off his face. It suits him as well as those purple trainers he used to wear. "You gonna wear it after you say I do?"

"No, it's bulky." I say pointlessly and it's the wrong thing.

"Yeah, tacky too, doesn't look like you. I woulda went for something like your mom wears." And my heart stops and my tears flow. That was my dream. A little antique style ring. Problem is I can't get that out. That his ring would be the right one.

"When?" He demands and I see the tears welling in his eyes pushing up through the anger like a geyser.

"I..I.." I'm still trying to answer other questions. Like why. But I've been trying to answer that since I said yes, since I saw Harry, since I ran.

"When Melody? When's the wedding?" his temples pulse and I'm compelled to answer.

"July!" I yell it.

And I watch him connect dots. "That why you are home? Planning." He stops tapping his toe and his arms fall off his hips to his sides, lank. "You get a dress?" He whispers that question and walks to the window.

"No, I can't, I can't pick!" I'm desperate for him to understand what I'm not saying. I found a dress to marry you. I can't find one to marry him.

Why can't I say that?

Harry points to the backyard. "Here? I always thought here."

"I always thought at your mum's." I am able to whisper.

He looks at me fiercely. "No, no! You don't talk like that when you're wearing his ring!" He's pointing at me and speaking fast. Breakneck speed for him. "I came here to apologize to you, tell you what I want! I was so worried about how Teegan may have hurt you. And you are marrying him!! What the fuck, Melody," he's yelling and my parents can no doubt hear. "You said yes to another man! Melody, how? How....how could you?" He's red faced and I'm crying and it's a mess. "And you've been planning your wedding while you were stringing me along." I'm shaking my head and he is pointing at me. He's faced me and I want his back. I hate to see him look at me like this. "Can you ever be honest? With anybody?"

"I ... I wanted to tell you , Harry!" I sob.

"You're lying. You're a liar!" He's so sure and I know he is right. "Worst part is you lie to yourself! I can't! I can't with you."

"You can't what?" I chase him to the door. And down the hall. I grab him and he turns back to me.

"I can't. I can't fight for you. I can't chase you. Dammit! I can't love you anymore! You are tearing me apart." He cries. "I can't, you changed me for years, first I couldn't stay away from girls who looked just like you, everybody saw it. I did it, like, so I could call them your name. Then I ran from every shade in your goddamn hair. No brilliant strands of gold in the sunlight for years! And now, I finally liked somebody, and the way they looked, even if it was a little bit like you. Fuck's sake Melody! I was finally functioning, and you had to come put that last nail in my coffin."

"I didn't, I didn't mean to! I want...I want..." what do I want? How do I tell him? It's to big! I want him, all of him, and me, and our mess. I'm a mess.

"What, Melody! What do you want?"

But I couldn't say it-still-the words are elephantine on my tongue. They will not fall off of it. I want them to, but I know they shouldn't. Because I couldn't ask him for more. Not if I'm tearing him apart. I don't want to tear him apart. I want him to have joy, not just function. I'm poison. I stay silent.

"Yeah, never could open up, me and you." And his shoulders sagged and I watched all the fight go out of him. They say that energy is never destroyed or created, just transferred. Looking at him, that's a lie. He's destroyed.

I wish I had picked it up then, the battle, the energy sinking into the ground. Had I fought for him, taken my mother's keys, I wouldn't be here, with a seizing chest, shaking knees, and frozen feet on my wedding day that sped towards me like a runaway train while my foot was caught in the track.

When I'd told Milo, about Harry. I'd confessed a lot, not everything, but I'd called a spade a spade and admitted I was cheating. I'd been dry eyed throughout and prepared to take whatever wrath he gave me. I wanted to wear it as a mantle. I deserved it. His response had shocked me and brought me to this place.

He'd said, "I love you unconditionally and I forgive you."

All I could think was how could I not marry him?

Now, I'm sitting in this church, gasping-I can't marry him.

The door opens and Kara comes in and tells me-"Melly, it's time."

And I'm so terrified of giving up both of the great men I've been blessed with, that I'm selfish and scared enough to get up, but not without one last check of my phone.

I just need a reason, a little bit from Harry to give me strength to go out there and disappoint everybody.

It hasn't buzzed. No light up notification. So my prayer of a text to Harry goes unanswered. 'Do you still love me?'

God, how could he? I don't even love me. Who could love a selfish liar like me.

I find myself on my dad's arm somehow. He knows, but when I start to walk, he death marches next to me rather than embarrass me further.

Each step is measured, like I'm going to a gallow, not an altar. I'm kept upright by my dad despite my knocking knees.

At the end, Dad kisses me, and whispers-"you don't have to do this." Before he pulls away. I can't make eye contact, because I'm trying not to cry. It will ruin my face. My mask. Everyone will see me then.

The trance that got me down the aisle breaks when I look at Milo. His awestruck wonder is too much. I'm all wrong. My tears are wrong. He's wrong.

This is wrong.

#harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #chapter 37 #mmith #meet me in the hallway #one direction fanfiction #one direction #scared to post #three more to go

[ukdamo]

The Extra Mile

One of mine, from a long time ago

I scrambled to my feet with frenetic alacrity, raising clouds of red dust in my haste to stand up. For all the world, I must have looked like some uncoordinated, inky octopus. Once erect, l rubbed my ribs where the spear had prodded me and looked, blindingly, at the face of my tormenter. He smiled, somewhat incongruously and disconcertingly, whilst thrusting his battle gear upon me. It was plain to see that I was intended to be a beast of burden for the obligatory mile.

I had been so soundly asleep that I had failed to hear the footfalls of the thirty or so approaching legionaries. I was awoken sharply be the jab in the ribs that this brute had given me. Bastard.

As we set off to re-join the file of marching soldiers there was much laughter from my erstwhile friends at the wayside inn: I could hear one of them order a round of drinks on the strength of having eluded the obligation to go the statutory mile. I didn’t resent their jocularity: I'd have made the very same response had out roles been reversed.

When we caught up with the other legionaries they ware singing. I did not understand the words. No doubt it was one of such songs sung by soldiers the world over. The man whose kit I was carrying had a fair voice - resonant and tuneful. When the song finished he looked me in the eyes and smiled again. I could not refrain from returning his smile, notwithstanding the feelings of disloyalty that this stirred in me.

I tried to look at him without appearing to do so, in case I upset him. (His short sword – the gladius - swung in its belted scabbard. I didn't doubt that he was well versed in its use). He had fine features; more Greek than Roman. He stood a little taller than I and was of athletic build. His eyebrows and the hair on his forearms had been bleached by exposure to the sun. He had stubble on his face, dimples, a strong jaw, jaw, and dazzlingly emerald eyes.

When he smiled, he showed his white, even teeth to best advantage.

I came to think that, for all his otherness, he was like me. I was younger and slightly built, a typical Jewish youth - olive completion, hazel eyes, lithe, supple, a bit stringy. Yet rigorous exercise and training would produce a figure not unlike that of the man striding purposefully beside me.

I was soon conscious of the weight of his battle gear. I had got hold of it with little thought for convenience of carrying. The legionary sensed my discomfort and, to my surprise, quietly but assertively redistributed the load so that it no longer chafed my shoulders. I could smell the sweat on him when he was near me. He took the water-skin from me and drank from it; he offered it to me with a smile on his expressive face. After some hesitation, I nodded and drank from it thirstily.

My young head was now spinning, though not from dehydration. Enmity and a firm grasp of faith seemed to be deserting me. This man was gentile. An oppressor. But I felt myself liking him. If anyone were ever to know, my shame would be made powerfully evident by the bruises that would surely result.

Since the singing had ended the only sounds were the thud of feet meeting the dusty road, the creak of leather, the clank and slap of weaponry, and the patter of perspiration on breastplates. In that silence I could hear the wordless communication that was binding me to this stranger.

When we reached a milestone I made as if to stop and set my burden down.

The young legionary spoke to me in Greek.

‘Walk with me' he said, ‘an extra mile for friendship sake’. I understood well enough the words he spoke; I was young but I was bright and I had some schooling.

The file of soldiers carried on. I watched the acrid clouds of desiccating dust settling to the ground in their wake. We two were alone. The dust of obligation I shook from my own feet.

‘Certainly’, I said, touching his arm and pointing after the others.

We jogged until we caught up with them. The words he spoke I understood immediately; I am still living with their repercussions. We spoke a little after that in a Babel-born tongue of dog-Latin, Greek and disjointed Aramaic. I learned his name, and he mine, and we shared scratchy details of our respective lives.

Looking back, I suppose I sealed my fate by taking that first step beyond the initial milepost. I crossed my own personal Rubicon; a crossing more decisive than that of Exodus. I became a sojourner in trackless wastes. The Mark of Cain furrowed my own brow from then on. Naturally, the legionary perceived none of this. He could not have been expected to be aware of such things. He was unknowing.

Prompted by another of his eloquent smiles, I allayed my inward fears and beamed back at him. Perhaps this man was, more truly, liberator than oppressor? We drew near to Jerusalem and squinted at the city; the afternoon sun made its walls glaringly white, whilst the gilded ornamentation on the Temple blazed like the wrath of God. Well it might.

The road was busier here. People began to stare. Some hostile, some pitying.

I avoided meeting their gaze. When we crested the rise at the Place of the Skull, the legionary took the accoutrements of war from me. He nodded thanks and offered his hand. Emboldened by an inner realisation, I clasped it in friendship, not caring what the onlookers might think. Traditional loyalties put aside, he thumped me playfully on the back and, with great agility, scampered down the slope after his confreres.

I sat down, raising a flurry of dust, watching him depart. I sat there for a long time. There was a gladiatorial contest in my head: milestones versus tombstones; friendship versus fidelity; liberation versus tradition; love versus duty. I felt the thump up of his hand on my back anew, as of nails in wood. The unwitting instigator of this flight receded in to the distance and was lost from sight at the city gate. He had given his name as Justus but, in future years I often thought of him more as Pandora. I have never regretted exchanging the Ark for that seemingly insignificant little box.

Long years later, I witnessed a man, someday near my own age, toiling up that same slope. His crime was to have walked the extra mile. He had spoken of tolerance and respect, forgiveness and peace. He met with none of these things. They snuffed him out.

I am now an old man. In the evening, I sit and gaze as the children play in the market, as the stallholders leave and the shadows lengthen. I am waiting for my own sun to set.

No-one bothers with me much: I have neither family nor good name. Sometimes, though, young men who are not put off by tales of apostasy come quietly, seek out my company, and talk.

I share with each one the same thing:

In life you may choose any direction you wish; it scarcely matters, and you  may travel in it as far as you will. But if you should chance to walk, in that chosen way, the extra mile, it will bring you to but one place - Golgotha.

It is not so terrifying a place as the timid make out. From what happened to me there I recognise it as the place where mundane journeys end and divine adventures begin.

© Damian

#extra mile #legionary #service #friendship #possibilities #insight #change #consequence #damian's writing #short story #reflective writing #parable