#i just kept forgetting to put it on tumblr | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

disneyprincemuke · 6 months

Text

midnights, 6 * mv1

a thunderstorm keeps you up at night, the same way it kept max up

pairings: max verstappen x fem!reader

warnings: -

notes: i was going to post and update my fem!driver but tumblr keeps reverting back to an old version and idK WHATS WRONG WITH TUMBLRRRR!!! i pUT MY WHOLE PUSSY INTO THAT BRO

(prev) // (next)

you sigh, hanging your towel onto the rack. the thunderstorm had been building up to what it is now the entire time you were out for dinner with alexandra and charles.

luckily, charles had offered to drive tonight. you weren’t given the hard task of navigating the streets late at night in the rain.

as much as solitary was what you craved all night, your mind seemed to change every time the thunder got a little too loud for your liking. suddenly, you were crying for help in your head that the night wouldn’t end too soon.

alas, here you are in your apartment while the rain raged on outside.

you try your hardest not to let the thunder get to you. but it’s almost impossible when the lightning lights up half of the room and the thunder rumbles in your chest.

it’s mind numbingly empty, being in your apartment during a thunderstorm without max by your side. even when he’s away, he always finds a way to stick by your side when the rain is pouring. all because he knows how much you hate it.

you’ve always felt bad keeping him up late when the weather decides to act up. he claims that it’s no problem, because your wellbeing is what matters the most, but you can’t help it.

you always note the way he struggles to keep awake on nights like these, his responses delayed by seconds at time when the gears in his head are slowed. but you also realised that he’d gotten better at staying up just to make you feel comforted and heard.

he eventually found different ways to keep you company during the long hours of a rainy night, the sounds only bothering you mildly when he’s there.

when he's away, it got harder to deal with. his voice over the speaker on your phone is too soft compared to what it is when he's in the room with you. it's the lack of a comforting embrace as well that made it that much harder to deal with.

jimmy and sassy often helped with coping with a thunderstorm a lot. they would snuggle up into your waist and purr when you cover them with a blanket while you're on the call with max.

but now you're all alone.

it's just you and the shadows of your poorly lit apartment.

you turn around and sigh loudly at the emptiness. it's a cold evening, so you're now by your dresser as you search for a sweatshirt to warm yourself up with.

you thought that you'd disposed of everything that screamed max, but you're immediately proven wrong when you notice a dark-coloured sleeve poking out of your bright-coloured selection of clothes.

dark coloured clothing means one thing. it only ever leads to one person - max.

your hands shake by your side as you stare at the sleeve, not finding the strength in yourself to grab it. you'd forgotten that you had one of his jackets from way before you moved into his apartment.

every breath you take feels heavier, the grief of losing max weighing you down once more. tears fill your eyes as you try to remember how the red bull jacket even ended up in your closet in the first place.

typically, you'd remember like it was yesterday. but for some reason, you can't remember it. and you want to be able to remember it. forgetting max and everything you've been through is never part of the plan.

you want to remember every single detail about that relationship you shared. it was the happiest couple of years you've had, the highs and lows of his career affecting you just as much while you tried your best to be there for him. you'd been there for most of it.

it feels odd now that you're not there anymore. you wonder if he feels the emptiness without you too.

when he started his career in formula 1, you entered his life months after that. you'd been there when he was promoted to the main racing team and you were there for every single podium finish thereafter. you'd even been there for every single crash and hospital visit.

you were there and suddenly you're not showered in champagne every weekend, reeking of the alcohol that soaked your clothes and hair.

a loud rumble makes you flinch, hands flying up to cover your ears. it doesn't get any easier dealing with it - the rumbling in your chest that accompanied the loud roar outside the window.

but you can't resist. you grab the jacket from your closet anyway, throwing the hanger back inside. you jump onto your bed and wrap the blanket over your shoulders and grab your phone from your nightstand.

you dial a number unconsciously and hold the phone up to your ear as you await an answer. you choke up when the ringing stops, knowing well yourself that this is not the person you meant to call. it's just to stick to your principle of backing up the break-up that you never wanted but brought up.

"hey."

"mum, i miss him," you sob into the phone, your hand coming up to your chest as you feel it close in on itself. "i miss max."

"i know, baby." you hear some shuffling from the other side of the line, then a hushed whisper from your father. the door shuts before your mother says something to you again. "but this is for the best, isn't it? you guys have not been happy for so long."

this makes you sob even harder, your wails being tuned out by the rain that has gotten stronger in the past second. the roaring in the night sky barely bothers you now.

you just want max.

"we are happy," you defend yourself and the relationship. nobody knows what happened. nobody knows that even if you fought endlessly, you were still happy when you pushed it all aside. you were happy with max. "we were happy. i ruined it, mama."

you resort to putting a hand over your mouth as you start to sob harder. if you'd known the rain was going to be such a trigger, you would have just gone to sleep the moment you stepped foot into your apartment.

"i love him," you manage to whisper. you close your eyes as the tears continue to fall, leaning your head on your headboard. the picture frame on your bedside table still stands tall, making you contemplate if you should hang up and call max instead. "i don't think i'll ever get over him."

but your mother will always be looking out for you. she doesn't encourage you to call him. she just says, "get it off your chest, baby. i'm here."

and you spend the next 3 hours crying over max, your framed picture sitting by your knee as you talk about him. you only fall asleep when the thunderstorm stops, wrapped in his jacket that weirdly still smelled just like him.

taglist: @merchelsea @leclercdream @labelledejourr @laneyspaulding19 @lpab @graciewrote @hollie911 @thatsojasminesworld @mycenterfold @princessria127 @ironmaiden1313 @dl-yum @crlsummer @brekkers-whore @minkyungseokie @honethatty12

#max verstappen #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen x you #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen fanfiction #f1 x you #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 fanfiction #formula 1 #formula 1 fanfic #disneyprincemuke #disneyprincemuke imagine #disneyprincemuke imagines #disneyprincemuke f1

552 notes · View notes

levmada · 4 months

Note

PLEASE write about Levi’s mental state, i’m begging you

He’s faced death and precarious situations since he was born, yet he’s still standing strong and hopeful, WHAT THE HELL I LOVE MY SHORT KING

IT'S FINALLY HERE😭im sorry anon i hope you're around to see this and if u are i hope i dont disappoint

the tone in this analysis is so weird because i kept getting caught between 'this is an apa paper no contractions, academic language, double spacing -' and 'this is a tumblr post about a fictional blorbo wtf r u on'

i also use some scientific language i try my best to explain but if this turns anyone off i don't blame them because im unhealthily obsessed

*i'm a third-year undergraduate psychology student w/ a concentration in psychopathology

tw/cw: discussion of childhood exposure to sex (not assault)

Foreword

I’ve been putting this off for a while (I’m forgetful and this topic is intimidating what can I say), but being a year out from graduating with my bachelor’s to become a mental health professional, and being a Levi scholar(/hj), I wanted to give this a shot.

I wanted to dissect and examine Levi Ackerman’s mental health “currently” (as in general canon), and explain as thoroughly but as simply as possible how and why he thinks and acts the way he does.

Seeing how AOT is pretty renowned for leaving out the ‘insignificant’ details, especially character details, a good majority of my assertions and even details of his life are built off of correlations and “signs and symptoms”; meaning some things could be an aspect of Levi’s personality, or a symptom of psychopathology.

I will examine his childhood (especially his childhood), adolescence, young adulthood, and “present” adulthood, with a short summary at the end of where he might be mentally after the war.

*Lastly, I don’t like it when things I say about a series or character are taken as fact or make it implied that someone else’s thoughts are “wrong”. This is partly built on headcanons anyway, which are influenced by my own experiences. Don’t take away from this that this is me telling you what to think.*

Childhood

The most important period of development occurs in infancy and childhood, especially from the ages of 3-6. This is when a child learns where to find security, love, and basic skills, gaining stability as they develop.

Well, Kuchel died when Levi was 4.

Maternal Love / Learning Empathy / Anxious Attachment Style

Levi was born into deep poverty within a violent unwelcoming environment. Basic physical needs must have been very hard to meet (i.e., consistently fed enough, a clean environment, no physical threats). And where Levi was born is like the dictionary definition of a bad environment for a small child, excluding only his mother’s care and love.

As it’s generally understood in canon (and suggested from Levi’s special backstory manga so far) she was a caring parental figure early in Levi’s life that loved him unconditionally. We can conclude that Kuchel did everything within her power to compensate for both parenting Levi alone and shielding him the best she could from his horrible surroundings, teaching the kindness, goodness, and love that Levi would internalize and go on to strive for for his entire life.

As far as we know, no other children lived in the brothel. Socialization is just as important for a young child as receiving love. With this isolation, it’s extremely difficult to learn how to connect to other people, or pick up on social cues. Levi would’ve never learned how to interact properly with his peers—aside from use of aggression and violence which Kenny would go on to instill in him.

With the danger/anxiety imposed by strangers, mostly if not entirely men, he would turn to his mother for comfort all. The. Time.

And she would give him that support and affection of course. This early motherly affection is integral to child development: a child who receives empathy and affection is subliminally taught how to feel and express empathy towards others.

While Levi’s surroundings were dangerous, lonely, and chaotic—traumatizing enough for a toddler or young child—Kuchel provided a safety net from that, so I think that Levi developed an anxious attachment as a child: exhibiting clinginess, excessive fear of abandonment, and an excessive need for security and/or reassurance.

Paternal Trauma / Potential Androphobia

Born and living in a brothel, we can assume that Levi was probably seen as a burden and a mistake by others, especially by men (both the likely majority of her customers and her boss).

AOT ch69; Before the Fall, ch34

This is likely in contrast to the women (those living and working in the brothel like Kuchel). They should know Kuchel if not as friends, then acquaintances who could empathize for her and her son.

There’s an obvious trend here. If Levi is going to feel fear/danger/anxiety because of men, he should have a general aversion to men and-or the behavior of men who he encountered as a child. This is impossible to know for sure or in meaningful detail, but it seemed to be resolved by the time he became an adult if so.

Although Kenny in his words was no more than Levi's teacher, Levi did see him as a father figure.

The subject of Kenny will be expanded on later, but it's clear Kenny in no way resembled a father, who also would go on to abandon Levi (at the age of 11 or so). Children without father figures tend to struggle more emotionally, psychologically, and socially. Specifically, (especially boys) tend to exhibit intimidating/aggressive personas to compensate for resentment, fear, and unhappiness.

Sexual Trauma (Tangent, Probably)

This is unconfirmed but a likely trauma Levi went through: exposure to sex as a child. There’s no way to confirm what he experienced, so I’ll function on ‘probably’s’ and ‘most likely’s’.

Because Levi and Kuchel only lived in one room, other rooms in the brothel should have belonged to other women, and he was at the oldest four, I wager that he was babysat by women who Kuchel knew and/or was made to hide somewhere while she worked, such as in a cabinet.

(for reference)

AOT ch69

The odds are high that he was exposed to the aftermath of sexual violence (i.e., marks seen on his mother), and the sound or smells that have to do with it. That young, he wouldn’t know what it was, but he should have realized later as an adolescent.

In general, children regardless of gender exposed to sexual content usually experience early puberty (which is just as likely for impoverished children, or children who experience chronic high-stress in general); issues with intimacy; become desensitized to high-risk behavior; negative/inaccurate expectations about sex and relationships in the future; influence inappropriate behavior with other children or adults; sex addiction.

This is especially relevant to Levi’s fear of closeness/intimacy in the future. Exposure to sexual situations—possibly not including CSA in his case—very early in life inflicts on a child emotions and stress they don’t have the intellect or reasoning to process or understand. An extreme aversion to interpersonal relationships, especially physical ones, results.

This stress Levi must have felt, being powerless to this happening to his mother, is a different beast. Children aren’t capable of handling high levels of stress, and so the brain will automatically create coping mechanisms: dissociation (a severe form of “zoning out”; observing the self “from the third person”; numbness; the feeling of living in a dream), excessive daydreaming/overactive imagination, symptoms of PTSD (nightmares and terrors; flashbacks; spontaneous activation of fight-flight-freeze associated with anxiety; excessive worrying/fear; loneliness/self isolation). PTSD will also be prevalent in Levi’s later life, which I’ll delve into later.

Inappropriate behavior and sex addiction are also highlights for me because they shouldn’t exist in him based on Levi's personality and behavior throughout the series. In my opinion, Levi ought to associate sex with pain, shame, and violence; he does see it as an ordinary job—a means to an end. He should be desensitized to sex as a concept, but associates it personally with shame, sadness, and pain, possibly feeling disgust towards it. So it is highly likely that Levi in every stage of life following this experienced sexual repulsion (usually associated with high anxiety towards sex), a low libido, or a lack of sexual desire entirely.

From a trauma perspective, he could avoid sexual topics of conversation, sexual settings (i.e., brothels), or an array of things which are sexually suggestive or he as a child possibly associated with sex (i.e., cleavage, panties, specific touch). Similarly, he might avoid direct reminders or have a post-traumatic reaction to them, such as anxiety or flashbacks (i.e., the sound of a bed creaking, the sight of wet clothes).

Importantly, it can be concluded that sexual violence was often exhibited, and the idea would be ingrained in him that sex, like everything else besides his relationship with his mother, is “give-and-take”, “victim-and-attacker”, and learn to be repulsed by intimacy. This impacts his willingness for later friendships and relationships as we’ll see later.

Early Abandonment & Early Exposure to Death

As Kuchel’s health deteriorated, Levi’s sense of security would break down. Availability of shelter, food, and emotional support would be even less secure than before. He might have been providing for Kuchel for some time, even, as it can be gathered that he received little to no help from those around him while she was sick. To whatever length he had to take responsibility and both fear for Kuchel, this would cement a sense of responsibility and guilt in him from the age of just four years old.

He will fail to save her—regardless of the fact that that’s not his responsibility in the first place; a child wouldn’t understand that—and then lose her with nothing he could do to even cushion the blow.

How powerless he must’ve felt. How hopeless. How likely is it that Levi found comfort in joining her? A child his age wouldn’t be able to comprehend death, basing our understanding on Piaget’s theory of cognitive development. To summarize, at the age of six or seven, children aren’t capable of complex, abstract thought like death or the finality of it. But Levi had to learn early.

AOT ch69

This will be center in his “clean-freak” tendencies later.

Adolescence

Most of this section is going to be rather vague again, but we already got the bulk of that over with in childhood!

Emotional Train Wreck / Lack of Identity

It’s hard to notice if you’re not paying attention, but in every scene we’re shown with Levi after his mother dies but before Kenny leaves, he’s wearing some variation of his mother’s one dress styled into a shirt. He loves her endlessly, even or especially in death. And part of cherishing her memory, to him, should’ve been taking after her as much as he could.

That’s how to explain why he didn’t become a cruel person (Kenny for instance) as he grew into a teenager, even though much of Levi’s outlook and behaviors come from him (ch57).

The more pertinent question is how extreme violence, reinforcement of the idea that that violence is power, and Kenny’s total (or most likely total) lack of communicated emotional connection affected him.

Levi would still desperately want that connection deep down, especially with his mother gone. This is a major reason why Levi sought to get stronger to please Kenny. For chronically abandoned people, that continues into adulthood and even beyond. A hole inside which can't be filled.

AOT ch69

Chronic loneliness—like I explained before—basically explains his aloof nature and awkward disposition. It’s not that Levi feels as detached as he looks, but he doesn’t know how to express himself or open up. He wouldn’t learn how to process his emotions, let alone talk about them. He’s basically emotionally stunted and immature in impersonal relationships (between friends and especially in regards to intimacy).

The Underground’s environment also makes him socially awkward, rude, of course stoic/not very expressive, and blunt. Levi was forced to become extremely observant of people to suss out their intentions, remaining vigilant of his surroundings at all times.

Levi doesn’t even get affection in any sense anymore. He doesn’t get a hug or a pat on the back, and he certainly doesn’t get a shoulder to cry on.

If anything, Kenny would punish him for showing weakness. Vulnerability is weakness; weakness is death.

What results is a continuous and boundless sense of emptiness inside that can’t be filled. He’s plagued by a chronic sense of unbelonging and loneliness. There’s no time or opportunity to develop “normally” as an adolescent. Socialization is limited at best; thinking of his place in the world is irrelevant when his one and only most pressing goal is survival; he doesn’t get to explore hobbies or interests.

OCD Propensity

One “interest” Levi is passionate about is cleaning, at least. Disease is what caused his mother to die. The easiest cause to point to would be their disgusting surroundings (although, Kuchel was infected by a customer). It is canon that Levi’s love of cleaning comes from "his personal experiences". In that interview, Levi first specifically references the important of fighting disease.

In other words, his "clean freak" nature comes, primarily, from the death of his mother: Filth -> disease -> death, and abandonment by extension.

His mother would’ve encouraged him to keep their room clean. There were times he or she had to have come down with something and dirtiness was the cause. On top of Kenny’s enforcement to keep up “clean” appearances to garner respect from everyone else in the Underground.

This in particular is extremely relevant to his mental health. When someone feels out of control of what is happening to them, especially in a recurring way, and especially as a child who doesn't yet know how to feel stable in an unstable environment, they look for something to control. It can be weight, bodily functions (blinking, breathing, etc), dominance over others, or cleaning, for instance.

Fear of disease, the urgent need to have control, and the basic need for stability makes it obvious that Levi would become obsessed with cleaning. And moreover, developing OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I’ll go deeper into this diagnosis later.

Lack of Self Worth

Despite the acknowledgment throughout canon that he trusts in his own strength, it wasn’t always that way.

Canonically, Levi sought praise from Kenny by showing his strength because that was the only thing he received praise for. The conclusion Levi came to once Kenny left him was that he wasn’t strong enough (wasn’t good enough) to warrant staying with him.

In conjunction, Levi’s first conclusion was that he did something wrong, not that Kenny possibly had some obligation that forced him to leave the Underground, pointing again to his own lack of self-worth.

This scenario created a complex in him, the very root cause of Levi’s pain, the very foundation of what Levi would go on to prioritize in adulthood. If he isn’t useful to those he wants not to abandon him, he’s worthless. He’s only useful when he shows his strength. Every other aspect of him like his interests is either irrelevant or bland by default in his eyes.

He would go on to make it his mission to try his best to be good enough in order to save and protect the lives of others, but foremost those he cares about.

Young Adulthood

Our first exposure to Levi as an adult is in A Choice with No Regrets, his OVA/backstory.

(By the way, I’ll be basing this analysis off a mix of the manga and the OVA.)

Emotional Immaturity/Affective Dysregulation

Generally, Levi’s defining negative character trait as a young adult is his emotional immaturity/anti-social behavior. Yes he’s grumpy and rude which is always indicative of him, but he’s very quick to anger, too. He cursed at the Squad Leader who offended him (by assuming that because he, Isabel, and Farlan are from the Underground, they’d be dirty), and argued furiously with Farlan that he would kill Erwin—not because it was required for the job, but because he disrespected him—for a few examples.

ACWNR ch2

He tended to be arrogant, too. Such as when he ultimately called a Scout who had experience with the Titans stupid for telling Levi to hold his swords in a certain way. He spoke to every officer the same as he would anyone on the street, having a remarkable lack of basic respect for authority. He was insistent on distancing himself from the entire setting and structure of the Scouts as much as possible, both to not get attached, and he found their mission childish/foolish.

He’s rather selfish. There is nothing Levi cares about genuinely more than Isabel’s and Farlan’s lives and the job that will set them up with a good future. Farlan’s advice is the only one’s he takes and the only judgment outside himself that he considers, such as when Farlan asks him to not cause trouble with authority to keep a low profile, but even then he acts stubborn. Levi trusts nobody wholeheartedly except himself (until later in ACWNR).

There’s a cognitive dissonance in him. Growing up, and still as a young adult, Levi’s headspace is marked by fear and uncertainty, with his power as his source of confidence. The first time he kills a Titan (with Isabel and Farlan), he uses too much gas because he refuses to potentially risk his friends’ lives; when the expedition is upcoming, he abruptly tells Farlan and Isabel to find a reason to stay back, and that he’ll complete the dangerous part of the job on his own.

Levi is full of repressed fear and uncertainty. He hides and/or buries all of it for the sake of self-preservation both emotionally and physically.

Antisocial Personality…?

It’s extremely interesting how a character as selfless, heroic, and empathetic as Levi exhibits antisocial symptoms. I’d even argue that if his childhood was spent entirely without his mother figure, then he might be a dictionary definition of ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder).

People with this disorder live day-to-day under the constant assumption that whoever is around them is “out to get them”/searching for a weakness to exploit. Humanity is made up of only prey and predators; morals are completely subjective, perpetuated by the society that surrounds them. This constant need to defend oneself, the effect of the exact trauma the potential sociopath experienced, combined with a muted emotional spectrum, results in a complete disregard of everything, including people outside of themself. They might believe they’re entitled to comfort or admiration, but overall, they’re intensely self-serving, often aggressive, and ruthless.

Because Levi for instance learned to rely on violence both for “love” and survival, then he might fall on violence to manipulate a person or situation into serving himself. I see reason to believe that Levi could have grown into worse than Kenny’s image if it weren’t for his mother’s influence.

However, the greatest cause for deniability is Levi’s wide emotional spectrum (especially including empathy and shame), while a lack of shame is the most significant marker of ASPD . (It is arguably one of many testaments to his strength that a victim of so much suffering, violence, and cruelty could become a man as empathetic as him.)

However, these tendencies may still be relevant: A sense of arrogance—both to the way Levi thinks of some who he perceives as weak and live without good morals—lacking issue with using deceit or violence to attain a goal, and living outside the rule of authority.

I go into more detail about this idea here.

Conclusion

As is true in general, there’s very little to say of mental development once someone has reached their early–mid-twenties. What we know of Levi’s young adulthood does reinforce his fear of abandonment, but he finds a cause where his strength and compassion can be “put to good use” and give to him a life that is worth living.

Conclusion: the ‘Present’/Diagnoses Overview

C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Levi’s emotional dysregulation (i.e., inability to sit with and process negative emotions), his difficulties in relationships, insomnia, negative worldview, absent sense of self, and finally, his persistent sense of unworthiness/worthlessness are all indicative of C-PTSD. It’s distinct from PTSD in that he didn’t endure one short-term traumatizing event, but he grew up surrounded by trauma and saw it as normal (e.g., gang violence, extreme poverty, death of a parent, (more presumably) physically and emotionally abusive parental figure). Levi as a child developed no understanding of a nurturing, secure environment.

Negative/Absent Sense of Self

I’ve talked about this at length already, but it’s worth noting how Levi’s perception of himself must have changed when it was revealed that he is extremely strong physically not from his own efforts as much, but because he’s an Ackerman.

His self-confidence and self-worth have always been built on the foundation of his strength. He’s useful if he’s strong, so he’s worthy if he’s strong. Along with the extreme high pressure his goal to kill Zeke put on him in season four, he might have gone to extreme measures to compensate for his strength he might have felt was “unearned” (such as excessive exercise for example). This is an aside, but it was a blow to him for sure.

Emotional Dysregulation

The causes of emotional dysregulation generally which he experienced are as follows: early childhood trauma, feelings ignored, judged, or invalidated at a young age, and physical and emotional child neglect. Beyond his first four years of life with his mother, Levi experienced all these things (early exposure to sex and likely exposure to domestic violence aside).

It’s important to focus on emotional neglect specifically, when any and all perceived “weakness”, no matter how small, is unacceptable to Levi. He will never ask for help (being independent to a fault), he can’t define or process his emotions, and it doesn’t occur to him—and it could be a shock—when he learns that his friends care about him, not him insofar as how useful he is.

As an adult, Levi appears to be emotionally mature, but I argue that this isn’t the case. It’s more accurate to say that he has better control over his emotions (in that he buries them or ignores them) with a mature outlook because of all his experiences with suffering.

Similarly, he’s not outwardly emotional not because he’s antisocial (as related to ASPD, not introversion), but because he’s so “emotionally constipated” that he’s numbed the vast majority of the time.

Relationship Issues + Fear of Abandonment

Because of his fear of abandonment and impaired emotional intelligence in close relational conflict, he’s extremely passive and/or passive aggressive. In order to avoid potential abandonment, he doesn’t go out of his way to win major arguments—such as threatening to break Erwin’s legs if he didn’t stay away from the expedition in season three, but ultimately giving in. He’s also more likely to sneak petty insults into arguments, give “silent treatment”, slam doors, etc. His kindness and exceptional empathy shouldn’t let him be physically or overly violent.

These are likely additions to why Levi doesn’t foster many close relationships.

Fittingly, as a child I thought that Levi might have had an anxious attachment style (clingy, excessive need for security), but as this possibility for security was removed entirely, and he was taught to not rely on others, he would develop more of an overt avoidant attachment in adulthood in combination (fearful-avoidant): making very few emotional demands—even though he has needs—withdrawing when there’s conflict, acting aloof yet fearing abandonment, having difficulty expressing emotions he feels intensely, and fear of depending on someone else.

Anxiety

His cool-headedness even in the heat of battle/war (other factors like experience aside) is exactly what you would expect from someone diagnosed with C-PTSD; he’s accustomed to chronic high-stress. But small stressors (i.e., a change of plans) are overwhelming and make him quick to anger/excessive annoyance.

OCD

Emotional dysregulation is also closely associated with OCD.

OCD is much much more than being concerned with keeping clean or organized. OCD is an anxiety disorder composed of anxiety-related obsessions and compulsions, such as frequent and disturbing thoughts or images (intrusive thoughts). These attempt to be managed through rituals (i.e., handwashing, counting in patterns). Although symptoms will fluctuate with anxiety, OCD at its baseline is a distressing disorder.

Since he was young, Levi should have had an incessant need to be in control at all times. A shining example of this is his mother’s death, an incident he couldn’t control but included dirtiness/disease as a cause he could pinpoint, so this anxiety with dirtiness becomes a major obsession, and the compulsion is cleaning. (Putting aside the fact that Levi enjoys cleaning by itself too.)

It’s a widely-held belief that if Levi has OCD, it’s contamination OCD, as it specifically has to do with an obsession with dirtiness and a compulsion in cleaning (i.e., damaging handwashing, ritualized bathing that may take hours). However, based on the multitude of times Levi was covered in blood and remained unbothered by it (Titan and human), and in fact the obsession’s lack of relevance entirely during urgent missions/situations, contamination OCD is simply not plausible. Instead, it’s general OCD.

There’s no way to know for sure, but I don’t see his OCD as mild or severe. Levi is an extremely orderly and balanced person, so it can be concluded he must have things done a certain way, routinely, organizational, or planned; when the dirtiness is “negative” (i.e., Titan blood, blood on a knife he used to kill Isabel’s attackers), he is never more rigid with cleanliness; it’s probable he suffers intrusive thoughts (likely of the violent nature), a fear of contamination, and/or counting ritualistically, but the most obvious compulsion is cleaning. He might have sensory issues, such as disgust if he happens to brush shoulders with a stranger; aversion to particularly bright lights, irrational rage towards “mouth sounds” (i.e., chewing, coughing, swallowing), etc.

EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified)

Levi should have a complicated relationship with food to say the least.

In the realm of eating disorders, EDNOS is sort of a catch-all term when an individual doesn’t qualify for the diagnostic criteria of anorexia or bulimia, and it encompasses lesser-known eating disorders like Pica. It’s the most common diagnosis for clinical eating disorders.

I already covered how integral the early years of life are, and beginning at a young age, if children aren’t given a basic need like food, and they must seek out food on their own, it becomes an anxiety deeply rooted in the brain regardless of how well-fed they are when they’re older. There will always be an urge to have food available. Levi’s years in the Underground were spent either actively starving, or going about every single day having acquiring food as top priority. He was a young adult when he left, so it’s impossible to unlearn this (without extensive therapy, which Levi doesn’t seek). It’s similar to compulsions found in OCD: even though he logically knows that there will be a dinner after lunch, it’s impossible to put aside this worry.

That may mean always having food stashed, eating too much—especially in his early years Aboveground when he’d eat as much food in a day than he’d eat in a week Underground— stealing food, or eating way too quickly (as someone who lived in a place where food was considered something of a luxury resource and threatened being stolen at any time).

The latter factor contributes to Levi’s suggested preference to only eat alone—joining the fact that Levi only eats with Erwin after expeditions. Eating in front of others should be considered a weakness to him.

As time passes with this easy access to food, combined with his extremely narrow sense of what makes him “good enough”, his relationship with eating may become toxic. Especially when the stakes of his worthiness are so high—literally life and death. He may think that he’s privileged to eat at all, and when he feels worthless, he restricts himself from that “privilege”.

He may be so accustomed to the feeling of hunger, that it doesn’t immediately register with his mind when he is hungry.

Lastly, he may have a generally low appetite. This is often associated with depression, but depression is comorbid with C-PTSD.

Misc.

Some tangents/miscellaneous speculation about Levi’s psychology:

Queer?

Sexuality is formed and shifts due to a wide variety of factors, which most if not all are terribly understudied: genetics, hormones, and your environment/experiences. So again, my speculation.

With his fear of close relationships and negative experiences with sex, I think he should land somewhere on the queer spectrum, specifically under the asexual or aromantic umbrella (i.e., pansexuality/being panromantic (attraction to personality) and demisexuality/being demiromantic (attraction only to those he has an emotional connection to)).

MDD

The odds of Levi having MDD (major depressive disorder/clinical depression) are iffy. Most if not all of the symptoms are comorbid with childhood trauma and C-PTSD: Such as persistent apathy, guilt, and/or discontent; sleeping too much or too little; lack of energy; reduced or heightened appetite; irritability.

Oftentimes, depression, C-/PTSD, and related mental illnesses cause unexplained physical pain, such as back pain and occasional tension headaches. “Stress hormones” like adrenaline are built-up in the body, and usually persist without physical therapy and-or medication (Disclaimer this mention is based on nothing more than Levi always standing with at least one hand on his hip).

Body Language

Similar can be said of his body language from a cognitive perspective. The vast majority of the time, Levi has himself closed-off in some way, usually by crossing his arms to protect his chest; a subconscious barrier between oneself and another person.

Also see this official art of Levi asleep.

Afterword

We’ve known it’s not just Levi’s physical strength and skill that makes him the strongest, right? It should take immense mental strength to make it day-by-day dealing with the trauma and issues that he does, but not only has he survived and continues to, but he lives heroically, selflessly, with the wellbeing of everyone around him as a top priority. He buries all of his pain by moving forward always and without exception regardless of how painful the present is. Living with “no regrets” should in mental respects be a guise for pushing his trauma down, too; there’s just no words that can properly do Levi’s resilience justice.

Part of me wants to go into detail about his later adulthood, but given how very little we know (right now), I think it’d be too speculative.

However, based on what we have seen at the ending of AOT, it’s comforting to know and plain to see that Levi wasn’t defeated when he “lost” the reason to be so strong, and even his strength itself; he didn’t lose his love for his friends nor of life.

In middle age, based on Erikson’s psychosocial stages, the conflict that should enter Levi’s life is the idea of generativity versus stagnation. He seems satisfied with his life despite the negative effects of all he went through—grief, physical disability, inevitable mental scarring—and he’s still concerned with helping others, especially the younger generation in a world after the overwhelming devastation that was the Rumbling.

My speculated psychopathologies/diagnoses of Levi:

C-PTSD (insomnia prevalent)

OCD (contamination obsessions)

EDNOS

#levi aot #snk levi #levi ackerman #levi attack on titan #captain levi #captain levi ackerman #aot levi #aot levi ackerman #attack on titan levi #aot meta #levi heichou #rivaille heichou #levi rivaille #rivaille ackerman #lance corporal rivaille #levi snk #levi.thoughts #aot #attack on titan

250 notes · View notes

starlitsawamura · 1 month

Text

◟♡ ˒ POPSTAR!READER x BODYGUARD!ATSUMU

content warnings : explicit — secret relationship, praise, reader is called pretty girl & good girl, and jealous atsumu. word count : 0.6k | nsfw content ahead, eighteen plus only!

You loved meeting your fans and receiving all their letters and gifts. It was lost on you how you’d come to live in a reality where so many looked up to and adored you. But you tried to give back as much as you could, in ways you felt it mattered.

But Atsumu, while you were chatting up a storm, had to watch when one of them put their arms around you and hugged you a little too intimately for his liking. He’d caught a couple of them trying to eye him discreetly; seeing if they could get away with putting their hands too close to certain areas of your body. But when they’d meet eyes with him, the piercing glare they got in return always made the fan retreat back into their shell.

You were blissfully unaware every time and Atsumu believed that needed to change. Sure, the two am rendezvouses you and he shared were probably the most well-kept secret in the world. Despite the random Twitter theories about the two of you that circulated every few months. And as a widely known star, he’d never jeopardise the privacy of that or your good name, by acting out in public. He was more professional than that. At least that’s what he had to silently repeat to himself every time a fan got brave. But sometimes he caught himself wanting to leave marks, just to make it clear you were no one’s but his.

“‘Tsumu they could catch us,” you were white-knuckled, gripping the bathroom sink.

His chest was pressed up against your back, hand between your legs. He slipped it into your panties, rubbing soft circles into your clit as he pressed kisses into your neck. His other hand was next to yours on the sink, keeping you caged against his body.

You were wet and Atsumu collected it on his fingers so they’d slide around without resistance. He ate up all your little whimpers.

“Let them.” He kept a steady pace and the wetter you got, the harder he became.

He knew he couldn’t fuck you in this bathroom, no matter how badly he wanted to. He’d just have to wait til you were back on the road. But for now, he was fine just touching you, leaving you a needy mess for later. Because he knew you’d be coming to him for help and no one else.

“F-fuck,” you whispered, melting into him as your limbs gave way. “What’s gotten into you?”

“They’ve always got their hands on you,” Atsumu whined against your neck. “But you’re mine.”

You were his and it was something that slipped your mind while you were working. You didn’t mean to forget, you were just so focused on keeping the secret so he stayed protected. Your job demanded a lot of you and privacy was a blessing. Keeping him to yourself was your way of keeping him safe. Atsumu knew that but it meant keeping affection for private spaces, which was hard for both of you.

He put more pressure on your clit and nibbled at your skin. “Cum for me, pretty girl.”

You weren’t one to deny him and in seconds you were unraveling in his grasp. Breathless profanities spilled from your mouth as you gripped the sink for dear life. The strength drained from your limbs and Atsumu had to keep you upright. He sucked his fingers dry and then switched your positions, using the sink to support himself as he took on your weight.

He rubbed your back while you caught your breath, leaving soft kisses on your forehead.

“Good girl.”

“Oh shut up,” you rolled your eyes, softly slapping his chest.

Atsumu smirked, “I don’t see you cumming on anyone else’s fingers.”

“You cocky fuck.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He tilted your chin up and kissed you. “But I have every right to be when it’s you, beautiful.”

author’s note : might make a bodyguard au series cause this has so many tasty scenarios that my brain is dying to write.

#love potion.#.hq #.atsumumiya #atsumu miya x reader #atsumu miya smut #hq x reader #hq smut #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu smut #haikyu x reader #haikyu smut #atsumu x reader #atsumu smut #cw praise

265 notes · View notes

escapism-writer · 1 year

Text

But You’re Mine - Gavi x reader.

A/n: Hello, this is my first ever upload to Tumblr despite having it downloaded for quite some time. Anyway I hope you enjoy!

Summary: After losing a dare to Pedri, you wear his jersey instead of your boyfriends, Gavi, to the next Barca match.

Warnings: fluff, jealous Gavi, slight cringe, might have some slight spelling & grammatical errors. (Not proof read)

You sighed as you looked over towards the jersey you always wore to all of Gavi's matches. Unknowingly to Gavi, you and Pedri had made a bet on their last match, to which Pedri had won. Due to your lost, you were now in your hotel bedroom with a No.8 jersey laying on your bed debating whether your should go through with the dare you had been given. You had been quickly snapped out of your thoughts from the light ping coming from your phone.

'You don't have to go through with the dare you know? I can feel your nervousness from the stadium already'

You skimmed over the message knowing this is Pedri's way of attempting to make you accept another lost. Though he was partly right.

'Yeah right! I'm not nervous at all plus, I'd never back down from a dare as easy as this one'

You blatantly lied in your reply, knowing one thing about this most definitely makes you nervous. That one thing being your boyfriend's reaction. You were almost certain that it didn't take a lot for Gavi to get jealous. You smiled to yourself, remembering when you last spent a day hanging out with your co-star, and it got plastered over the internet with misleading titles. Gavi's reaction when you got home was filled with desperation to prove himself to you, that he was better than your co-star. As the nerves slightly died down, the excitement lifted. Looking at your phone once more, you quickly put on Pedri's jersey while covering it with one of Gavi's hoodies.

On the drive to Camp Nou, you kept mentally arguing with yourself. Should you just keep the hoodie on? That way no one will know your wearing the no.8 midfielders jersey, but, on the other hand, you wanted to see Gavi's reaction. Before walking into the stadium you took off Gavi's hoodie, abandoning it in the passengers seat.

As you sat down in your position, you saw the golden boy, Gavi, wave towards your seat. Forgetting all your problems before, you quickly stood up and waved back while also blowing a kiss. Gavi hadn't reacted to the jersey, you just assumed he couldn't see the name and number from on the field. This made you wish you saw Gavi before the match but due to you're airport times you couldn't have. You had just finished filming a new show in England only arriving back in Barcelona late this morning.

After the 2-1 win to Barcelona, you agreed to meet with Gavi by where you had parked your car. As you waited, your previous excitement had formed back into its original nerves. Due to your thoughts clouding your vision, you jumped when Gavi knocked on the car door.

"Hola mi vida"

Gavi hummed as he got into the car, still proud from his goal earlier. Unsure what to say while your thoughts were still filled with panic about the jersey you're wearing, you hesitantly replied.

"Hola, Congratulations on your goal!"

"Turn around"

He ignored your complement on his goal, noticing something was up. You reluctantly turned to show off Pedri's kit number on your back.

"Why are you wearing Pedri's Jersey?"

You turned around to see his once relaxed eyebrows now furrowed with a confused expression matching. The poor football star repeated himself.

"How come your wearing Pedri's Jersey? Is there something wrong with mine?"

You looked up to your boyfriend, attempting to pull a straight face. ‘Might as well go with it’ you thought jokingly.

“No, I’ve just never worn Pedri’s Jersey. It’s just sat in my closet. Plus 8 is my favourite number.”

You smiled while lying, the truth is you hadn’t even had Pedri’s jersey until you lost the bet and 6 is your favourite number due to Gavi’s jersey.

“I thought you preferred 6?”

Gavi was now nervous. Why would you wear his best friends jersey? Let alone say he is your favourite number.

“I did but 8 is like an infinity sign!”

You tried to make a reason to explain your sudden liking of the number. Gavi’s thoughts delayed his response, therefore you both sat in silence for a moment as he tried to process what was happening.

“But You’re Mine.”

You felt your cheeks go warm as soon as those words fell from his mouth. Along side your cheeks, your guilt started to react with his words. Thinking of what to say, you decide to finally confess.

“Ill always be yours, Pablo. I’m sorry, Pedri dared me to wear his jersey after I lost our last bet.”

“You made a bet with Pedri?”

Gavi’s nervousness left pretty quick, instead becoming more confused by the second. You never really told Gavi that you and Pedri often betted on matches, nor did you tell him that the loser had to do a dare.

“Yeah I betted on you scoring in your last match”

Frowning at the memory of Pedri jokingly making fun of you for losing your side of the bet, you continued.

“Which, as you know, didn’t go to plan.”

“Well I scored this match if that changes anything?”

“Sadly I don’t think that’s how it works, Pablo.”

Gavi glanced down to your lips with every word you spoke, each sounding like a perfect melody. As you proceeded to talk about all your winning bets against Pedri, Gavi lifted his hand towards your chin, slightly moving your face towards his. You looked into his eyes, feeling your heartbeat vibrating though out your whole body. You both leaned in not breaking eye contact until placing your soft lips upon his.

“I’ll always love you in a way no one else can.”

#gavi x reader #gavi imagine #footballer imagine #footballer x reader #x reader #gavi x you #y/n #gavi fluff #jealous Gavi #pablo gavi #barcelona #fc barca #pedri #barça

1K notes · View notes

babydollmarauders · 9 months

Text

MINE (JACK’S VERSION) — JACK HUGHES

jack hughes x fem!reader

summary: in which careful y/n goes down memory lane with Jack, which leads to their first real fight

notes: i had to make this ‘Mine (Jack’s Version)’ because i already have a Trevor fic titled ‘Mine’ … oops

another note: this is short. like i think i’ve had au blurbs longer than this, but i genuinely ran into SO MANY problems while writing this one, including tumblr deleting it multiple times, that this was the best i could do.

my legs rest upon my boyfriend’s, his hands laying gently on top of my calves, our bodies slumped on the couch.

“remember that broken dresser drawer that you cleared out for my stuff?” i reminisce through broken laughter, making Jack’s face go pink and his head falls back as he chuckles.

“i didn’t realize it was broken when i cleared it out!” he defends himself, his right hand squeezing my left leg lightly.

“sure, you didn’t!”

“i swear!”

“okay, i’ll believe you.” i coo, pinching his cheek. he swats my hand away, capturing it in his and pulling it to his lips, pressing a kiss to my knuckles.

“ooh, i’ve got one!” he exclaims. “remember the first time we sat by the water on the dock?”

“how could i forget? you put your arm around me and then we fell into the water because someone leaned too far forward.” Jack lets his mouth fall open in mock shock at my words.

“yeah, you!” he accuses and i shake my head rapidly through my giggles.

“nuh-uh! it was you!” i poke his chest.

“okay, it was me.” he pouts, his bottom lip sticking out, and i can’t resist sitting up and pulling his face to mine; crashing my lips onto his.

he pulls away first, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

“you are the best thing that’s ever been mine.” it’s spoken in a whisper, like a well-kept secret between just us. but there’s no secrecy, we’re loud and proud with our love. so loud with it, that Trevor regularly calls us disgusting.

“yours since August 2nd, 2021.” i bite my lip, busying my hands by ruffling them through his freshly trimmed hair.

his brows thread together, his nose crinkling.

“what?” i question, my hands stalling at the nape of his neck.

“that’s not the day we got together.” he laughs as if i’ve told a joke, but his response only makes me lean away from him.

“yeah. it is.” i state matter-of-factly.

“no…” he drags out, his tone makes me feel like i’m dumb, but i know i’m not. “we got together June 24th.”

it’s now my turn to furrow my brows, in complete confusion.

“no, Jack.” i insist. “we started dating on August 2nd.”

“i can guarantee; we did not.” he huffs, and lightly pushes my legs off of his lap. my hands untangle from behind his neck and i scoot backwards to fully see him better.

a normal couple probably wouldn’t be having this argument. but we’re not necessarily a normal couple.

we never had that defining moment of ‘what are we?’. we flirted heavily, we went on a few dates, and then one day he called me his girlfriend and that was that.

we’ve never really celebrated our anniversary, both agreeing that we’d only start if we get married in the future. so, i guess in a way, this misunderstanding is on us. we never bothered to clarify the date we got together, because i guess we both assumed we had the correct dates.

now, i can’t say i know where he got June 24th from, but i know August 2nd is the day he called me his girlfriend for the first time.

“i don’t know where you got June 24th from-” i start, but he cuts me off instantly.

“i don’t know where you got August 2nd from.” he snaps defensively.

it’s my turn for my brows to furrow, my face twisting in a mixture of confusion and hurt.

i can’t believe him.

i rise from the couch, choosing to leave while my emotions are still semi-intact.

“where are you going?” he questions. “gonna go check your planner? see that i’m right?”

oh, that’s low.

i know his words aren’t intentionally harmful, but using my planners against me is a new low.

Jack knew from the moment we met, that i was a meticulous and careful person. growing up, my father was never a punctual man, careless with time and with life. as a result, i started keeping planners. i filled them with important dates and appointments, things to do and things i refused to let myself forget. i was a perfectionist with them.

i mellowed out a bit with them when i started dating Jack; not as detailed, not as on top of things. when he found i had calmed down with them, he called me his ‘little rebel’.

now he’s using them against me. thinking that i’ll just go check and see that he’s right and i’m wrong.

“don’t do that.” i mumble, turning back around to look at him. he’s stood off the couch now, arms crossed over his chest. “don’t use my planners against me.”

“okay, then go look at them! see that i’m right!” he argues loudly, a hand flying up to point towards our lake house bedroom.

“i don’t need to look at them! because i know i’m right!” i belt, tears roll down my cheeks now and i’ve lost any attempt to stay quiet due to the 2:30am timing.

how can he even think we got together so early? he never asked me.

“August 2nd, you called me your girlfriend for the first time!” my finger pokes towards his chest. “i know because i went home that night and immediately wrote it down.”

done with this argument, i leave him behind in the living room, opting to go for a walk. the front door slams shut behind me, and i let out a sob.

Jack and i have never actually fought. in our entire two years together, we’ve never had a yelling fight like that.

my legs carry me towards the street, and i hear the front door open and slam shut once more. Jack’s footsteps follow behind me, speeding up until i feel a hand wrap around my arm, pulling me back to him.

he spins me around, my chest now pressed against his. he looks down at me with soft eyes, a frown pasted on his lips.

i brace myself, waiting for him to call it quits, as i’m used to. first sign of a disagreement or fight, and guys have always left. called me difficult or said i was too much.

but his next words take me by surprise.

“that was the night i first called you my girlfriend?” he questions, shaking his head lightly, as if he’s surprised.

“i thought you were my girlfriend from the night we first…” he trails off and it takes me a moment to realize what he means.

June 24th. the night we first slept together. the night we confessed we liked each other.

“oh.” i breath out. “you never actually said anything about it or asked me. i always just thought that you called me your girlfriend on August 2nd and i didn’t oppose so that was that.”

i sniffle as he chuckles, his hands coming up to cup my face, his thumbs wiping away my tears.

“we probably should’ve figured this out a long time ago, eh?”

“yeah, i guess so.” i shrug.

“why were you crying, baby? it wasn’t that serious. just a little hiccup.” his blue eyes stare deep into mine, and i get shy under his gaze.

“i thought you were gonna break up with me.” i confess in a whisper. “it’s what i’m used to.”

he’s quiet for a moment, just staring at me in shock before he presses a kiss to my forehead, his lips mumbling against my skin.

“i’ll never leave you alone.”

#speak now fic list #jack hughes x reader #jack hughes #jack hughes imagine #jack hughes fic #jack hughes blurb #nj devils #nhl blurb #nhl fic #nhl imagine #faithlynn’s writings <3

639 notes · View notes

olderthannetfic · 6 months

Note

You've encountered site changes over time as a fan elder, what do you make of Tumblr potentially being put out to pasture? Tumblr was my coming of age fan site, and im looking for advice to transition to the next thing with grace and less bitterness than I feel now.

Ahaha. God, you should have heard the howling about LJ. "Fandom is over!" "Never again shall we dwell in fandom's True Home!" etc.

Hell, this endless "only LJ was good" crap turns up in replies here on posts where I as OP have very clearly laid out why that's rose colored glasses nonsense and you can so make friends on tumblr, have a conversation on tumblr, etc.

I had my crabby phase about this during the transition from Yahoo Groups to LJ. A lot of the real olds had it over paper zines and the transition to the internet.

I don't know if reading these hilariously samey old posts would help. It does give perspective, I think.

As for what you should do, do what I did with Tumblr:

Look around to identify the Next Thing fandom is going to camp out on.

It may take a few guesses and some time to figure this out. You will likely not be an early adopter. Fandom was well established here by the time I joined at the end of 2010. Of course, by now, all those 2009 and before accounts are long gone, but at the time, I was a n00b joining other people's space despite having been in fandom for ages.

Don't expect to enjoy it

I didn't join tumblr because I liked it. In fact, I despised it. I kept right on despising it until a brief stint in Sherlock fandom, a fandom that was so active here at the time that I was able to finally see the good aspects of the site's structure and features.

This is the mistake a lot of people make. They give things a cursory try, don't enjoy them, and go "not for me", forgetting that the last site also had a steep learning curve that was either difficult or that they didn't notice because they were in a different phase of their life.

Bitterness and grief are, frankly, an inherent part of the process. You can try not to be a debbie downer in your public comments, but you can't just not feel those things during the awkward part of the transition. Sometimes, acting positive and cutting off excessively negative thoughts can make you feel less negative overall, but it doesn't happen immediately.

Accept that feeling cranky and old is both a you problem and a state of mind, not a property of the new site

Relatedly, the way we remember fandom platform X feeling usually has more to do with us being in college with fandom friends down the hall or having discovered Our People for the first time or some other time when we had a lot of energy and positive emotions. Often, we were in the throes of a first or new fandom love too, probably for some megafandom that other people also cared about at the same time.

When fandom is leaving some site, there's a grieving process anyway, but we're also often in a worse part of our lives for starting new things. We're busy. We're tired. We're between fandoms. We feel like we already paid our dues to build up our community. Why should we have to start again?

But let me tell you, you always need to start again eventually. I go to a weekly vidders' zoom chat, and a lot of the people in there are old as balls, including Kandy, the person who invented vidding back in the 70s. She's a lot of decades and a few cancers in, and she had to relearn how to vid on a computer after transitioning from slideshows to VCR vidding back in the day. If bad health, platform changes, and dead friends were going to stop her, she'd be long gone.

It's like sharks: you stop swimming, you die.

This isn't just about fandom, obviously. It's about avoiding a midlife crisis and, later, about avoiding feeling emotionally geriatric even when your body is falling apart.

Change gets us all, but being mentally old is a choice. The real reason I gave tumblr such a try was that I had been so resistant to getting on LJ. I was 20. Even a year later, it was fucking embarrassing to have been a crotchety old hag as a college student. I promised myself I'd soldier through the next change instead of dragging my feet about it. And it totally worked in the end! But boy did it not make the transition any less unpleasant emotionally!

Find your joy

As is obvious from the above, the vast majority of the problem is just emotions. Fandom has been on a million broken sites with shitty features. We go where the people are, regardless of whether it has the technological aspects we liked at the last place. The actual shape of that platform is largely irrelevant.

What does matter is whether we as an individual fan are still excited and happy about something. I was between fandoms recently and went looking around for BL series I hadn't watched yet. People kept suggesting things set in the present day with too-cheesy production values and too many banal schoolboys in modern day settings without even anything spicy going on. I realized that the BL/danmei scene wasn't really cutting it for me and I should go for production values and genre and non-canon ships. You probably scrolled annoyedly past the picspams that resulted.

(Of course, hilariously, someone has now shown me the trailer of Red Peafowl, so someone may be making BL that feels like it's for me after all. Look at all that badwrong and very dark color grading.)

When you're in a good place emotionally, it's a hell of a lot easier to weather any change, and when you have a new fandom, it's a lot easier to connect with other fans.

A lot of people wait around for lightning to strike twice. They found their first fandom by accident, and they expect it to happen seamlessly again. For me, it's far more productive to brute force it: collect up a big list of what's popular or what's new and go through it till you find things you might like, then try them all.

And part of this, obviously, is not waiting for other fans to make the party happen. The more you need to join something other people are already doing, the less choice you'll have in fandoms or in platforms. If you aren't picky and just go where the tropey longfic is, that can work, but even then, favorite authors disappear or go to fandoms you hate and former megafandoms dry up. If you're the one bringing the party, it's a lot easier to find a new fandom or platform or community to have fun in.

264 notes · View notes

rhythmstars · 11 months

Note

Hello!! Just saw that you were writing for Pavitr- and thought I could submit this idea:) soo, I was thinking an Pavitr x reader where some villian finds out that spider man is dating the reader and uses that against him by kidnapping the reader? And Pavitr is just kinda freaking out and Gwen or someone has to calm him down before they go and save reader? Just thought it was an interesting idea and it's fine if you don't want to do it:) remember to take care of yourself and all that stuff<3

A/n: omg i live for hurt comfort!! Also, thank you so much for being so sweet! take care of yourself as well, drink some water!! and thank you for requesting!! <3

i tried my best to write this, i hope you enjoy, I'm sorry for any mistakes or if it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to :)

Warnings: minor? gore, panic, crying, hurt (with comfort fellas!), Pavitr being ANGRY, and bad writing.

•

this is my first fic on Tumblr so pls let me know if you like it and if there are any mistakes :))

•

Pavitr Prabhakar x GN! Reader

It was five hours ago when Pavitr received a text from his partner asking him if he is free for the day.

Five hours ago when he replied with a 'sorry but i have a meeting with the others today, maybe next time? will make it up to you i promise <3'

Four hours ago when he got a text from them reassuring him that it's alright and that they can always plan something for some other day, and asking him not to blame himself for this.

Three hours ago, before he got a text from them telling him that they have a sudden change in schedule and that they'll be attending their piano lessons today. A message with the last line being 'don't forget how much I love you, Pav. <3'

It was two hours ago when he got out of the meeting and tried calling his s/o to talk with them about their day and his. Two hours ago when they didn't pick up his first and his fifth call.

It was one hour ago when he asked Gwen and Hobie to help him find his s/o because he was freaking out.

And, it was exactly 30 minutes ago when Miguel called him to the office and told him that his beloved had been walking home from school when they got abducted by some unknown people. When he felt like the world has stopped.

It was exactly now that he was panicking and pacing around the room with uneven breathing.

"Pav, you need to calm down. They'll be fine." Gwen tried to reassure him because she felt like if she doesn't, then Pavitr won't ever stop. He didn't reply though, possibly not even heard what his friend had said. He kept murmuring about the possibilities he had flooding his mind.

Hobie sighed "This is no good mate. You gotta stop pacin' and think for a moment." He tried to talk to him but was met with silence once more. Frustrated with his best friend's antics, he walked towards Pavitr and puts a hand on his shoulder making him still. "Oi! can you stop pacin' around and think calmly for a moment?" he said in a sharp tone.

What he didn't expect was a distraught looking Pavitr looking at him helplessly with tears in his eyes. "Pav..." Gwen was shocked to see him like this as well. A guy like him never liked crying in front of others or talking about his problems, so seeing him like this really hurt them.

"Calmly?" Pavitr spoke in an annoyed tone. "I CAN'T BE CALM! MY S/O IS KIDNAPPED BECAUSE OF ME! AND I'M SITTING HERE NOT BEING ABLE TO DO *ANYTHING* BECAUSE MIGUEL HAS TOLD US TO SIT AROUND TILL HE PLAYS WITH HIS MACHINES IN THERE!"

Both of them looked at him shocked to their cores. They had never seen this guy so frustrated or angry. This cool and calm guy with a never ending playful persona.

He sighed. "I'm- I'm sorry I just-" he covered his face as he sat down on the stairs. "I- I don't know what to do...i don't know what is happening to them right now or if they're alright. I have no clue where they are and what those assholes are doing to them." He took in a deep breath. "I- You don't know I just- I don't want to think about this- what if, what if they're hurt? what if they're torturing them for being with me? they'll never tell my secrets, they'll rather die and it just, it scares the shit out of me guys i don't know what is going on. what if i never get to see them again? what if they leave me? what if- what if I-" His voice broke and he choked on a sob.

Gwen and Hobie looked down in guilt. They knew that this isn't easy for Pavitr. He truly loved Y/n.

Only a minute later, Peter came running out of the building. "Hey! We found 'em!" At his words, Pavitr got up with the speed of lightning and impatiently demanded the location.

"Where?"

Miguel walked beside Peter, "Do not act irrationally Pavitr, this is-"

"Where."

Miguel and Peter looked at him in shock. They had never seen him so angry. "The warehouse near the east coast in Mumbattan."

That's all he needed to hear before getting ready to take off. He had waited enough. One more second of delay and he'd lose himself. With impatient, trembling hands, he started using his watch for opening a portal back to his world.

To save his world.

"Pavitr!" He looked back at Miguel when he heard his voice, expecting a lecture on being rational and thinking calmly. But much to everyone's except Peter's surprise, Miguel said something nice. "Good luck."

Pavitr gave him a grateful nod and walked into the portal followed by Gwen and Hobie.

The three of them stood on a tower standing a few meters away from the warehouse. Pavitr was growing impatient every second and both Gwen and Hobie could see it.

Gwen placed a hand on his shoulder gently speaking, "Hey, it's alright. We're here now right? They're gonna be alright." She gave him a small reassuring smile.

"Yeah mate really, let's just check before getting straight to them, eh?" Hobie gave him a grin.

Pavitr sighed and nodded. "Let's go." They swung by the warehouse and over, trying to search for men possibly on the lookout. When they found none, they landed on the roof of the warehouse. A skylight caught there attention as they walked towards it to look inside. Unfortunately for them, it was too dark.

Too dark for Pavitr's liking.

Suddenly, the door to the warehouse opened and a man dressed in a robe walked in. He had a suitcase in his hand. What the actual hell?

He placed his suitcase on a iron table nearby and walked towards....

Pavitr's eyes widened. There, in front of that man, laying on the cold hard ground, tied to a metal frame, was his beloved s/o. The light coming in from the opened door reflected their bruises and cuts. Pavitr's blood turned cold at the man's laughter.

"Look at you, young gorgeous. Not so gorgeous anymore with all those scars but-" he pulled out a pair of gloves and started putting it on. "Come on dear y/n. We both know he doesn't give a DAMN about you. Otherwise he'd be here by now."

Gwen places a hand on Pavitr's shoulder, trying to ground his racing heart. "He won't even LOOK at you with a face as bruised as this. Just, tell me already." his voice turned deadly serious as he kneeled in front of them, "how. do. i. defeat. him."

That's enough.

Pavitr broke through the glass of the skylight and landed behind the man making him turn away startled. Gwen and Hobie followed after him looking angry. But Pavitr wasn't angry, no.

He was FURIOUS.

He glared at the man with so much rage and hatred that even the creepy man felt a shiver run down his spine. "Hah! would you look at that!" The man clapped his hands. "so you DO care after all."

Pavitr rushed forward and punched the man straight in the jaw making him stumble. But he still laughed like a maniac. "Haha! Gosh! You have some strength in you young man!" Pavitr punched him again as Gwen rushed to y/n's side untying their hands and legs. Hobie took his chance and smashed a random discarded wine bottle he found lying somewhere on the man's arm making him yelp in agony.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!?" pavitr yelled. He held him by the collar of his shirt. "WHY DID YOU TAKE THEM!?" He punched him on the right cheek but he kept laughing. "HOW DARE YOU HURT THEM!" A punch on the left cheek and his laughing turned to choked coughs as he spat out blood on the floor. "HOW DARE YOU!" He yelled and kept punching him.

Gwen, y/n and Hobie watched him with wide eyes. They had never seen him so furious. So vengeful. Gwen looked at Hobie who stood behind Pavitr, giving a look. He nodded before walking forward and holding pavitr by his shoulders. "Hey. that's enough, mate."

But to their surprise, Pavitr pushed his hands away and kept punching the now unconscious man. Hobie frowned. "Pav. Let go man. that's enough." He didn't stop.

Y/n watched. This wasn't like him. He wasn't the sweet, charismatic boy who they knew. No, he was a furious and enraged superhuman who had forgotten about the boundaries of being the friendly neighborhood, Spider-Man.

"Pav..." They spoke weakly but loud enough for him to hear. He immediately stopped his movements and looked at them. They had tears in their eyes as They stared at him with fear. Afraid that he'll lose his humanity. He dropped his hands to the side, his blood and the man's blood mixed, dripping from his knuckles. He swiftly walked towards them and kneeled in front of them.

His eyes scanned their body lingering on every cut and bruise. Y/n slowly raised a hand to his cheek and it was enough to break him. He hid his face in the crook of their neck as the tears escaped his eyes.

Gwen and Hobie shared knowing looks and walked out with hobie carrying the unconscious man.

Pavitr hugged y/n and cried in their embrace. "Hey.... I'm okay... it's okay...Pav..." They whispered gently to him.

The hold on their body tightened as he cried. "I- i thought i- l-lost you.." Y/n felt a ache in their heart. He sounded so broken. "I was s-so scared."

It came as a surprise even to y/n. No matter how bad things got or how scared he'd get, Pavitr NEVER showed it on his face. He always kept a charming smile on his face and a few corny jokes up his sleeve to assess the situation. But seeing him break down like this only because of the fear that he'd lose them, it was overwhelming. It was heartwarming. It was endearing.

They took in a shakey breath and hugged him tighter. "Yeah...me too. But hey" they pulled a little back and looked at him in the eyes, "we're okay. you're here... I'm here...yeah?" a reassuring smile on their face, they tried their best to console his racing heart and shaking body.

"B-but y-you're hurt..." He looked down at their wounds but they held him by the chin and made him look at them.

"I'm alive." Their voice was firm and reassuring. "They....they may leave some scars but, nothing serious. I hope you don't mind a little ugliness, Spider boy." They smiled and joked but their voice held some sort of insecurity and fear in it. This didn't go unnoticed by Pavitr.

He always noticed.

He gently cupped their cheeks and looked softly at them. "You were, are, and always will be the most beautiful person to me. In every damn universe and in every damn reality. I will NEVER stop loving you y/n." His words made the tears in their eyes return as they smiled at him.

How can he be so brutally furious one moment and then so sweet and caring the other? 'This boy... he'd be the death of me.' Y/n thought as they looked at his miraculously perfect face.

Pavitr pulled them in for a kiss and they happily gave in hugging him close. When they pulled apart, Pavitr gave them a small smile.

"Now let's get you home." He gently picked them up in his arms and grinned at them.

" I'm pretty sure you missed your dashing boyfriend."

#pavitr prabhakar x reader #pavitr prabhakar #miles morales #spider man: across the spider verse #spiderman #hobie brown #gwen stacy #peter parker #spiderman into the spiderverse #spiderman india #spider woman #marvel #marvel x gender neutral reader #mumbattan #spiderman 2099

512 notes · View notes

duhragonball · 2 months

Text

Akira Toriyama (1955-2024)

I wouldn't say I'm feeling better today, but I'm feeling less bad than yesterday. So let's see if I can put some words together.

In case anyone still hasn't heard, Dragon Ball creator Akira Toriyama passed away on March 1, 2024. This news was made public on March 7 or 8. I woke up early on Friday morning and found out while I was checking Twitter. I had a long, busy day at work, and I kept getting on my phone to scroll through fan reactions and tributes.

I think that, more than anything, is what's gotten me so worked up about his death. My Twitter timeline and my tumblr dashboard were just chock full of touching message and images about how Akira Toriyama's work has changed their lives. I wanted to write my own tribute, but I'm not sure what else I can say that hasn't already been expressed by Archie Comics, professional wrestling trio The New Day, and the Republic of El Salvador.

There's this immense, global community of fans, and it's easy to lose sight of just how big it is. It's easy to get bogged down in the infighting and petty squabbles. I saw one tweet responding to the criticism of Dragon Ball not being like this "entry level" franchise compared to other, more high brow anime and manga. It's popular with so many people, that critics will assume it's designed to appeal to the lowest-common-denominator. But the opposite is true! Dragon Ball is accessible, which is how so many people from so many different places and walks of life can get into it. The guy telling the story was such a master storyteller that he could grab an audience's attention and make it look easy. So easy that the haters would start to think that it was a trick, and he must be overrated.

Let me talk about this panel for a minute.

Last night I started going through the original manga, looking for panels to screencap. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but I thought maybe a selection of panels that really stood out for me might be worth posting. I'll probably still do that one of these days, but I got to this one, where Gohan tells Chi-Chi about Goku's death, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

This was a powerful scene in the anime, of course, but in the comic it's even more profound. It's just one panel, no dialogue, because the reader already knows what's happening here. We know Gohan is telling his mother that Goku died in the Cell Games, and that he refuses to be wished back, because he thinks his presence on Earth will attract new enemies. It was hard enough to hear when Goku said it to Gohan and the others, and now Gohan has to relay that message to Goku's wife. All she can do is lie prostate on the floor and weep.

And look at the composition. She's surrounded by all that negative space. Gohan's there for her, but she still feels so alone, surrounded by her husband's absence. Pots of flour for food he'll never eat. An empty chair he might have sat in. Their son, who will have to grow up without him.

I saw this, as though for the first time, and it was so gut-wrenching that I had to post it by itself. I felt like it summed up my feelings better than any words could. We're all Chi-Chi in this panel, reacting to Akira Toriyama's death. And we're all Gohan too, each of us consoling one another with our own thoughts and tributes.

So what did Akira Toriyama mean to us all? Lots of people have answered this in a lot of different ways. Obviously his art, storytelling and cultural impact speak for themselves. I've seen people compare him to other luminaries like Jack Kirby and Osamu Tezuka. I'll try to add my own two cents with this:

I wrote a post about "Dragon Ball Daima" back when it was first announced, and I led off with this image of a note from Akira Toriyama. I guess this was from some big fancy presentation about Daima at a convention. I forget which one. In particular, I was skeptical that the Daima rumors were even true, and if they were, the whole idea seemed half-baked to me. Turning Goku into a kid had been done before, and it wasn't exactly successful the first time.

But this note from Toriyama was very reassuring to me. More than the trailer clips and character designs, this was what got me interested in the show. That's because he took the time to not only hype up the show, but also to explain what's going on behind the premise. He took the time to tell everyone that he's working on this show, and what "Daima" means, and why all the characters get turned into kids. It's "due to a conspiracy", and the good guys will have to "fix things". In short, he established a plot, conflict, and resolution to the story. He didn't just slap this together to sell new merch. I'm sure that was part of the motivation to make Daima, but there's more to it than that.

I think that's the loss I feel with Toriyama's passing. It's not that there won't be new Dragon Ball stories in the future. I'm sure others will continue telling their own versions long after I'm gone. I'm not that worried about the fate of Daima. I'm sure they'll figure something out, whether it's delayed, rewritten, or canceled. But we'll never see another message from Toriyama to promote a new project, and that's what I'll miss. From here on, his credit will just be an acknowledgement of his past contributions.

There's this great credibility with Akira Toriyama's name. Fans will argue about how involved he was in a project as a way of establishing how good or bad it was. Dragon Ball GT has his name on the credits, and he provided some designs and artwork early on, and for some fans that proves the series has his endorsement. For others, the sole problem with the show is that he wasn't directly writing the script. There's similar debates over Dragon Ball Super, where he was involved, but only writing those mysterious "notes". So if a fan doesn't like something in DBS, who do they blame? Did Toriyama lose his touch, or did his co-creators fumble the ball? Dragon Ball Evolution basically ignored all of Toriyama's advice and bombed, while Battle of Gods, Resurrection F, Broly, and Super Hero all put Toriyama's writing credits up at the very beginning, and each film made plenty of money. I read his comments on the Daima confirmation, and immediately thought "Okay, this should be pretty good. Akira Toriyama knows what's up."

That's gone now. I mean, there's still a lot of talent out there, but we'll never again have the little gas mask-wearing robot telling us that this story will be good because he worked on making it good. I don't think I really appreciated how much I trusted that guy until now. I still can't believe he's really gone.

I'll probably have more to say about this in the coming days, but I'll stop here for now. Thanks for letting me ramble a bit on this.

#dragon ball #akira toriyama

107 notes · View notes

scoonsalicious · 12 days

Text

Unwanted: Chapter 26, Unsurprising - Pt. 3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mild sexual situations, frustrations.

Word Count: 1.7k

Previously On...: Bucky suggests you call in sick to the Wiggle Room.

A/N: Pocket makes a play...

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Sadly, tag list is closed; Tumblr will not let me add anyone new. If you want to be notified when I update, please Follow me for Notifications!) @jmeelee @cazellen @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @blackhawkfanatic @buckybarnessimpp @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @pattiemac1@les-sel @dottirose @winterslove1917 @harperkenobi @ivet4 @casey1-2007 @mrsevans90 @steeph-aniie @bean-bean2000 @beanbagbitch @peachiestevie @wintrsoldrluvr @shadowzena43

Tumblr will not let me directly tag the following: @marcswife21 @erelierraceala @jupiter-107 @doublejeon @hiqhkey @unaxv @brookeleclerc

You weren’t sure which one of you suggested watching a movie to cap off your evening, but there you were, sitting on opposite ends of the sofa as the flickering light of the television danced across your faces in the darkness. If someone had asked you what you were watching, you honestly couldn't have told them. Your eyes kept flickering to Bucky’s profile as he chuckled at whatever was happening on screen.

He was so pretty, you found yourself thinking. How could you have forgotten how pretty he was? You tried to ignore him, you really did, but he was like a magnet, drawing your gaze to him against your will. You felt a familiar warmth begin to pool between your legs just from the sight of him. You wanted him. God, you wanted him so much. You’d spent the last two months trying to forget him, but now, he was right here, just feet away.

Licking your lips, you made an executive decision, knowing full well it was probably not your best one (but still better than the drugs, you rationalized to yourself), and began crawling over to him. He turned to look at you, an unspoken question across his face.

“Hi,” you breathed, so close to him now you could almost taste the memory of his skin on your tongue.

“Hello,” he smiled as he turned to face you better. “What’s up, Pocket?”

“I miss you.” You leaned in and took his earlobe between your teeth, suckling it gently into your mouth. You were rewarded when his entire body shivered and he sucked in a shaky breath. He didn’t move to push you away, so you slowly crawled your body into his lap, placing soft, open-mouthed kisses along his jaw and the corner of his mouth.

Everything about this felt so absolutely right as you ground your hips against him, the familiar, thick length of him pressing against your core as if it had been molded to fit there. Bucky groaned as your lips reached for him, but it was as if the sound he elicited had woken him from a trance. He gripped your hips, gently but firmly, and put space between your bodies.

“This is a bad idea,” he said, eyes closed as if even looking at you would destroy his resolve.

His words may as well have been bullets, the way they dug into your stomach. He was rejecting you? After everything? “You don’t want me?” your voice came out small, a weak plea that would have shamed you at any other time, but in this moment, encapsulated the insecurity you felt in his denial.

Bucky pressed his forehead to yours, eyes still closed. “I always want you, sweets. It’s never a question of that. Never.”

“Then what is it?” you asked, growing more desperate. You brought your hands up to cup his face, urging him to open his eyes, to look at you, connect with you in the way you two used to do so well.

“You just lost a baby,” he breathed. “Didn’t you read any of your discharge paperwork? You’ve gotta wait until the doctor gives you the clear before you can have sex again.”

You rolled your eyes. If that was all he was worried about… “I don’t need your dick in me for you to make me feel good, Buck,” you whined. “Just like you know I can make you cum without ever using my cunt.” As if to prove your point, you snaked a hand down his body and began to palm him through the material of his jeans.

His hand shot down and grabbed you by the wrist, holding it still and keeping you from working him. “Stop,” he pleaded, sounding like he was the one who risked being in pain from fucking, instead of you.

“You’d rather I use my dirty mouth?” you asked with a smirk, beginning to maneuver yourself to your knees, but Bucky had grabbed your other wrist before you could get very far, locking you into place, and keeping you from touching him. “No,” he panted, obviously worked up.

“Then, what?” you asked, growing frustrated.

“I… I can’t be intimate with you right now,” he confessed, as though it pained him to do so. “Even if you were healed up enough for me to fuck you properly, I… wouldn’t do it.”

You shifted your weight back putting more distance between your bodies. The confusion you originally felt as his confession quickly morphed into the shameful anger of embarrassment as you registered his use of the word ‘wouldn’t.’ Not an inability, but a choice.

“It’s just sex, Barnes,” you spat, not being able to keep the hurt from your voice. “It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“That’s just it, Pocket,” he said, searching your eyes with his own. “I’m not going to have meaningless sex with you.”

You pulled yourself off his lap, yanking your wrists from his hands. Your shame was burning across your face, and you were grateful for the cover of night to hide the rising color of your cheeks. “So, you’re fine having meaningless sex with her,” you snapped, unable to say Jade’s name even after all the time that had passed, “but not with me? God, forget I asked; I see your priorities haven’t fucking changed.” You moved to storm out of the living room, to hide in your bed behind closed doors, but Bucky sprung up from the couch and, in an instant, was standing in front of you, blocking your exit with his immovable frame.

“Hey!” Bucky barked, the force of the one word startling you. “Don’t do that! Don’t run from me, not again!” He ran both hands desperately through his hair. “I’m not going to have meaningless sex with you, because if I do, it won’t be meaningless! Not to me.” The last three words were softer, more vulnerable, a confession he was afraid you would take as a weakness.

“I told you I was greedy, sweetheart,” he said to you, pulling you close to him as he began to nuzzle your neck. The feel of him, so close to you, yet so far away, was making your knees weak, and you clung to him for support. “But I’m not going to have you if I can’t have all of you, not anymore, not when I know what it’s like to be loved by you. I can’t do that to myself. And I’m not going to do that to you.”

“Bucky,” you moaned as his hands roamed the surface of your body, seeking any ounce of uncovered flesh he could get his hands on. His touch was soft, light enough to never be satisfying, always leaving you craving more.

“I love you, doll,” he said, kissing your skin, “and if you can tell me you forgive me, that you still love me, wanna be with me again,” he sucked and nibbled on your neck, the sensation of his mouth on your pulsepoint almost sending you over the edge on its own, “then I’ll give you anything you fucking want. But if you can’t, if you’re not ready yet, or you don’t think you’ll ever be,” he let go, pulling away from you and leaving you longing for him, “then I’m not going to torture myself with something I can’t have, or put you in a position where you end up regretting what we did.”

He watched you, expectantly, waiting for you to say something, to give him an answer that would either bring you back to each other once and for all, or close and lock the door between you both for good, but you had nothing for him.

“I don’t know,” you whispered.

Bucky’s face shuttered, the passion so recently evident in his eyes vanishing into their depths. He nodded once. “Let me know when you make up your mind, doll,” he said, leaning down to kiss the crown of your head before retreating to the solitude of his room, the sound of the door shutting behind you echoing through the apartment with its finality.

You managed to hold your tears until you were back in your room, sobbing into your pillow in the weak hope his super soldier hearing wouldn’t be able to pick up on the sound through the apartment’s thin walls. You let yourself weep, wondering how many more times Bucky Barnes was going to be the reason for your tears.

But you couldn’t blame him this time, your stupid logical reasoning told you. This one was on you. He’d been honest with what he wanted, what he needed, but you hadn’t been willing, or able, to give him what he’d asked for in return. He hadn’t been willing to take from you unless he knew for certain you were sure.

The dinging of your phone caught your attention, and your heart leapt with joy when you saw a notification indicating new texts from Nat. Technically, you weren’t supposed to have contact with residents of the Tower while you were undercover, but you were willing to put that aside in the surge of happiness that rushed through you at the thought of talking to your friend.

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: So

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: Don’t freak

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: But I have news

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: About Carthage

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: When she saw Barnes left

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: To go to you in AC

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: She fucking *flipped*

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: Screaming and crying

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: That her life was over

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: And she was gonna die

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: Destroyed her room

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: Punched Steve in the face

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: Which was funny

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: But not the point

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: Hello?

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: Do you ever look at your phone?

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: Are you fucking Barnes rn?

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: This is serious tea

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: And you’re leaving me on ‘delivered’

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: It’s offensive

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: Anyway

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: She’s gone

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: Packed her shit

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: No clue where she went

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: Vanished into the night

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: She’s gone AWOL

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: Thought you’d want to know

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: And one more thing

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: It’s big

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: Fucking huge

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: But your not answering

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: I’m not telling

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: So

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: Suck it xoxo

Natsassin🖤🩰🔪: Call me

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes #mcu bucky barnes #james barnes

110 notes · View notes

thew4nder3r · 12 days

Note

PERCY JACKSON X DAUGHTER OF ZEUS READER CLIT PLAY PLZZZZ PLUS COCKWARMINGGGG

an! FIRST ASK EVER OMGGGGG! I'M KICKING MY FEET RN JIJI

sorry this took so long. I literally didn't open tumblr for like a week and then went "oh shit i have an ask" and began writing before forgetting about it for another week JAJAJA

| if you don't like it - don't bite it. stop bombing my damn inbox with complains. just scroll, dude. |

| if you see a typo...no u didn't |

"oh, gods. This is torture not even Tartarus could top."

Percy had you sitting on his lap, no way to escape because of his hands plastered firmly onto your hips. "Stop squirming." Percy grumbled against your neck, his hands squeezing your hips firmly and pushed you down further to your pussy further against his hips. His dick twitched inside you, causing a small squeak to come from your lips. Percy kept kissing and biting at your neck, your orange "Camp Half-Blood" shirt discarded onto the floor and your bra holding on (barely) by a single strap, the other hanging beside your shoulder, instead of over your collarbone like always.

You two were in the Poseidon cabin trying to stay quiet. Capture the flag was going on outside but you two "called in sick" to get out of it. Percy was fighting every urge in his damn body to not pound up into you and fuck you stupid like usual. "P-percy..." you whimpered into his ear, trying to coax him into at least letting you move and ride him but he shook his head. "No, no, darling. The people outside will hear you...considering how loud you get~" he teased and you could feel his smirk against your shoulder. You pouted, pushing him away to hide your blush. He caught your hands, grabbing you at the wrists with one of his hands while the other one went to between your legs, flicking meanly at your clip making you jump.

"What would Daddy Zeus think of this, hmm?" He whispered into your ear, his thumb pressing down onto your pearl and he laughed out breathily as he felt your walls clamp down onto him. You gripped his shoulders, little waves of pleasure trilling up your spine with every press of his thumb against your clit.

"P~ ahn- Percy..." He heard your little whimpers and he smirked, putting more pressure to feel your thighs shake on either side of his hips with your warm walls squeezing around him, almost pulling a moan from his throat.

You gripped his hair on the nape of his neck, trying to ground yourself a bit. Your stomach coiled and your hips began grinding almost absentmindedly against him. Percy felt it; the drag of your velvet walls brushing against cock. You half expected him to stop you, but he began to guide you into a steady pace with his hands on your hips. His thumb never stopped its pressure on your clit, the pressure making your hips jerk every once in a while. The coil in your stomach felt like bursting and he felt it in the shiver on your thighs and the way your walls would clamp down on him. "Not yet." He squeezed your hips, forcing your pace to falter and become slower. "Can't have you getting tired that fast, darling~." He whispered into your ear, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear.

It was going to be a long night...

#nat's asks #smut #Pjo #percy pjo #percy #Percy #percy smut #perc #percy jackson smut #percy jackson #i tried

121 notes · View notes

killxz · 7 months

Text

Lost and Found

Pairing: Young Justice!Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

a/n: i've loved young justice since I was like 8 and i recently rewatched it again and i was disappointed that they didn't let dick or tim realise that jason was right there. so if i can't have it, imma make it. also, i've been writing on the web version of tumblr and i always make the text on my post small and i just realised that the small font on the app is miniscule 🤏🏻. so sorry to anyone who i may have given myopia to. TUMBLR STOP EATING MY DRAFTS! also don't forget to like or comment in your enjoyed! this takes place in season 3 episode 6 'Rescue Op'.

Conner broke down the door.

"This is why you don't go in unprepared." Dick mutters as you and the others rush into the prison cell. "Now, hold still." Brion and Forager grunts as Dick pulled out the control devices on the back of their necks.

"There you go, girl." Conner pats Sphere after he tore down the chains holding her in place. "You gotta figure the Shadows are on their way," You peered out of the door down the hall.

"Then let's go!" Dick orders, urging everyone out of the cell and down the dark hallway. You and the others ran down the winding paths in the dark, relying on Oracle's directions to escape the base. When Conner kicks down the final door, you see the so-called 'Sensei' some bald guy with Apokoliptian tech and a red-hooded ninja.

The group glared tensely at the trio, preparing for battle. Dick, ever the meditator, steps forward. "We just wanna leave," he says, hands up in a placating manner.

"Your trespass must be punished," Sensei declares, waving his glowing blue sword menacingly. You almost laughed. "Wrong answer." Conner growls as everyone kept into action. You faced off with the red-hooded ninja, blocking his katana slashes with your own. Somehow, this felt...familiar? It was like you fought with this person before. It almost felt like...

It's impossible, you told yourself firmly. He was dead. You just hadn't gotten over it yet. You got your head back in the game and started lashing out at the ninja with your own moves. With a clever strike, the ninja's katana clatter to the ground a few feet away. "Ha!" You exclaimed triumphantly. A bit too soon, perhaps. The ninja lunged towards you striking your blade out of your hand. You winced. "I guess we're doing this the old school way, then," you got into a defensive position. The ninja jumps towards you, aiming a punch which you blocked with your forearm, ignoring the sting that ran down your arm.

He then did something that made your blood run cold. He did a roundhouse kick , followed by a punch. Your mind was whirling. Bruce thought us that move...

Taking advantage of your distraction, he lunges towards you pinning you onto the ground under him. You yelp as your back hit the hard ground. Instinctively, you wrap your leg around his waist and rolled over, causing you to be onto of him. The ninja's hood and fallen off in your little tussle, showing a familiar head of messy black hair. You eyes widened.

It can't be... He's dead. Jason's dead.

"Jason?" You wavering voice whispered. The ninja flinched, his movements coming to an abrupt stop. With shaky hands, you reached for the mask covering his eyes, lifting it slowly. Beneath it, you see sickeningly familiar teal eyes. "Jason? B-but how? You're dead..."

"Enough." Ra's Al Ghul's voice echoed in the garden, causing all the fights happening to stop. Jason snatched the mask from your hand and put it back on, hooking his legs around yours and flipped you over, causing you to crash against the ground. Jason got off you and went to stand by his apparent master's side, leaving you shell-shocked on the ground, trying to process what had just happened. Dick rushed to your side. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He asked worriedly.

You could only shake your head wordlessly, your mind still too shocked to come up with coherent words.

"Well, young man, are you proud of this little debacle?" Ra's Al Ghul smirked. "I believe the detective will be quite disappointed." He glanced at Dick. Dick growled in response. "I assume you came to recover these children?" Ra's continued. "Take them and go."

"Not without my sister, Tara Markov!" Brion bellows. You smack a hand to your head. Seriously, this man has more anger issues than Conner when you, Dick, Wally and Kaldur first rescued him from Cadmus. "We know the League of Shadows has her!" He continues.

You zoned out for the rest of the conversation, your eyes locking onto somehow-resurrected Jason's form. As if he could feel your gaze on him, his head turned to your direction before turning away again.

As Ra's Al Ghul and the others engaged in a tense discussion about Tara Markov, your mind couldn't escape the overwhelming shock of seeing Jason once again. He was supposed to be dead, lost to the relentless grip of the Joker, and yet here he stood, seemingly loyal to the League of Shadows. The flood of emotions and memories rushed over you like a tidal wave.

Flashbacks of your time with Jason during his Robin days, his cheeky smile, his reckless enthusiasm, the secret, sweet moments you both shared, and the unwavering loyalty he showed to his comrades filled your mind. The pain of losing him all over again was too much to bear.

As the conversation with Ra's Al Ghul continued, you couldn't help but feel a growing sense of hopelessness. You had come to rescue Brion and the others, but now your heart ached for something else entirely. The prospect of reconciling with Jason, the possibility of bringing him back to your side again, seemed like an unattainable dream.

"Get out." the annoyed voice of Ra's snapped you out of your thoughts. As the others group together to get their bearings before they leave, you made your way to Jason, tugging on his arm to face you. "Jason..." Your voice was quiet, broken.

"Ah, it seems like you have found out who he is," Ra's chuckled. Anger rose within you as you whipped towards him. "What did you do to Jason?!"

He chuckled again, unbothered by your outburst. "Nothing, in fact, I have done you and your little Bat family a favor."

"By brainwashing him?!"

"He's not brainwashed, he's just...learning right from the beginning." Ra's shrugged.

You scoffed. "And that's supposed to be better?!" You stepped forward angrily, ready to bash in his skull. Jason grabbed your arm and shook his head silently. He tugged you away from the crowd and came to a stop behind the trees out of everyone's sight.

He took off his eye and face mask, leaving his face bare for you to see. He whispered your name, something that you have not heard in a long time, something that you used to desperately wish you would hear again. "Look," He begins. "I'm fine, okay? I'm perfectly fine-" You tug him into a fierce hug, squeezing tightly.

"You're not okay," You sniffle. "I missd you, so much..." Jason hesitantly wrapped his hands around your considerably shorter frame, squeezing lightly. "I-I missed you too," He mumbled, burying his face in your hair and pressing a kiss on the crown of your head.

You pull away, looking up at him. "Do...you think that things can go back to they once were?" You asked quietly. "There was something I didn't get to tell you, before...you died. I-"

Jason cuts you off by grabbing your chin and pulling you into a kiss. It was a tentative, cautious one, his lips as light as butterfly wings. He was waiting for you to take the initiative. You pressd your lips against his, hand snaking up to grab at the hai at the base of his neck, cuasing him to groan softly. His hands snake around your waist as he tugged you closer to him, your bodies flushed against each other,

In that moment, the world around you seemed to fade away, and the only thing that mattered was the connection you had with Jason. It was a connection that had never truly broken, no matter how much time had passed.

As the tension built between you, Jason's lips met yours in a hesitant, tender kiss. It was a kiss that held a confession of emotions too strong to be expressed in words – love, regret, longing, and the hope for a second chance.

When the kiss finally broke, you both pulled away, but your eyes remained locked onto each other's. It was a silent acknowledgment of what had just transpired – a rekindling of a connection that had been lost in the chaos of life as a vigiante.

Jason's voice was soft as he spoke, "I never thought I'd see you again."

You smiled, tears glistening in your eyes, and replied, "I never thought I'd see you again either, but I'm glad I did."

The moment was broken by Dick calling out your name. "Where are you? We gotta go!" You looked back at Jason, placing a hand on his cheek. "I'll come back for you," You whispered. "I promise."

Jason gives you a slight nod. "I'll be waiting. I...love you."

You kiss his cheek, stepping back. "I love you too, so much." You push the branchs of the tree aside, half stepping out into the light. "'I'll see you soon."

a/n: part 2? ;)

#jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #jason todd x you #killxz #batboys #batman #fanfic #jason todd angst #jason todd #ao3 fanfic #young justice

217 notes · View notes

munsons-melody · 10 months

Text

baby, you’ll be famous

summary: your dad works at one of the biggest record labels in america. your boyfriend eddie has never pushed for you to give your father one of corroded coffins demos, but iron maiden just so happens to be on the lookout for a new opener on their world tour, and you know this is a once in a lifetime chance for him.

pairing: eddie munson x female!reader

warnings: established relationship, implications of sex

a/n: hey y’all! this is my first fanfic/imagine/thing, it’s not proofread but just something i’ve been thinking a lot about

recommended song: paparazzi by lady gaga

masterlist

i do not consent to having any of my works republished, translated, or posted to any other site except here. if you see my works anywhere but tumblr, it has been republished without my knowledge, consent, or permission.

——

Eddie knew his big break with corroded coffin was right around the corner, he just didn’t know that it was going to be because of you.

when you first started dating, you kept mum about yours dad’s profession, scared that Eddie would only use it to his advantage and you’d be left heartbroken.

but month after month of your blossoming relationship, you knew he would never take advantage of you, your relationship, or your dad.

slowly, you opened up to him about your dad being a top executive of one of the biggest record labels in America, and the shock on his face when you told him your dad was able to potentially sign him was a sight you would never forget.

he never pushed, however, for you to give your dad a demo of his band. he didn’t want to push you away or make it seem like he was only going to use the relationship to get to your dad. even when he met your parents for the first time, he only briefly mentioned his band.

corroded coffin continued to play at the hideout, although the crowd contained only a couple people, most of which were just the ones having a few drinks to relax after work.

but he didn’t mind. he loved a crowd, the music, everything about it made him feel like a rock star.

and as much as you loved watching your boyfriend perform with his band in his hometown, you knew he deserved a bigger stage.

and it all started a couple of weeks ago...

you sat at the dinner table, furious. for the past few weeks, your dad had come to a couple of the shows, hoping that he would organically ask them to sign a contract, yet nothing happened.

you sat at the dinner table, while your parents were conversing about the lawn care in the neighborhood, while you were picking at the green beans on your plate, holding your tongue.

"you okay?" your mom asked with concern, and you sucked in a sharp breath.

"dad, why haven't you signed corroded coffin to your label yet?" you asked, but your tone came out snappier than you intended. he looked taken aback, and he sighed.

"sweetheart, i didn't realize they were serious about being signed... i only thought it was some hobby for them" he said. he gave a small smile.

"if they are genuinely serious about being signed and becoming a touring band, i'd be happy to pass along their demo to my colleague, who can actually give them a recording contract" he said, before continuing on with his meal.

your parents continued talking to each other, as you stopped to realize how real this was all becoming. eddie getting signed means you lose your boyfriend, best friend, and love of your life for months.

you quickly finished eating before getting up and putting your plate in the sink, then rushing off to your room. once you arrived at the door, you opened it and closed it quickly behind you, taking in a shaky breath.

the thought of eddie leaving breaks your heart, but the thought of him not getting the big break he deserves would break your heart even more.

you wiped the few tears that fell and opened your bed side drawer. you pulled out one of the cassettes that eddie gave you that served as one of their demos

the whole band had saved up in order to visit the nearest recording studio and record a couple songs, and the one you held in your hand was one eddie gave to you on your birthday, knowing he could trust you with one of the few copies as he considered you the bands number one fan.

you took in a deep breath, gave the cassette a light kiss, and walked out of your room to give it to your dad.

——

a few weeks had passed since you gave your dad corroded coffin's demo, and to be honest, you forgot you did.

things had become so busy at both school and home with being assigned end of the year projects, planning your mom's birthday party, needing to get your car to the mechanic, babysitting the neighbor's kids, and the list went on

you finally got home from a long day of school, back aching from carrying your backpack the two miles it took to walk home since your car was in the shop, but you didn't mind too much since it was a nice day

you walked into your house to see your dad on the phone, he gave you a wave when he noticed you, and kept on talking, saying things like "yeah" and "okay" every few seconds.

you went into the kitchen, grabbing a snack and beginning to eat, when your dad said his goodbyes and hung up the phone, and turned to you with a giant smile on his face

"does that boyfriend of yours like Iron Maiden?" he asked slyly, and you looked up at him

"like them? he loves them!" you said with a confused laugh, and your dad laughed.

"good, because the band is looking for a new opener for their world tour, and the guys at the label love the corroded coffin demo, so they're offering a three album contract along with being the opening band for the tour," he said, and you felt your breath hitch in your throat.

tears pricked your eyes, and you started to laugh. "are you serious?" you squealed, and he nodded "as a heart attack" he said, and you ran to him, giving him the biggest hug.

"can I please borrow your car?" you asked, needing to find Eddie to tell him everything. "sure" he said, handing you the keys

"thank you thank you thank you" you said quickly, giving your dad a kiss on the cheek and running out the door.

��—

10 minutes later, you arrived at eddie's trailer, surprised to see his van not parked in his usual spot

you got out of your car and walked up to the door, making sure to knock as to not be rude.

wayne opened the door, meeting your eyes. "hey y/n, eddie isn't home at the moment, i sent him to the store and put him to work" he joked, and you let out a small laugh

"as you should" you responded, and he ushered you in "come on in sweetheart, you can wait in here, i'm sure he'll be back in a few minutes" he said, and you walked in.

"actually, can i talk to you?" you asked him, and he nodded. "anything," he said, closing the door behind him, and walked into the kitchen to get some coffee.

you explained everything to him, the demo, the contract, the tour... everything. he just stood there, baffled. "wow" was all he said for a couple minutes

“he should go” he said, finally making eye contact with you. you nodded agreeing with him, when you noticed a couple tears forming in his eyes

“oh don’t cry” you said, taking a few steps towards him and embracing him in a light hug

“i don’t mean to, i’m just-“ he stopped and pulled away, going to wipe a few fallen tears

“i’m just so happy for that boy, he deserves it, y’know? and i hate to see him leave but he needs to get out of this town sooner or later” wayne said, and you smiled, tears starting to flow in your eyes as well

“and we know he’ll be smart, and they’ll be lots of security to watch them and-“ you were cut off by the door bursting open, eddie holding two bags of groceries

“hey wayne i couldn’t find any of the-“ he stopped mid sentence, seeing the two of you in the kitchen with teary eyes

“oh god what happened? did someone die?” he asked, hurriedly getting through the door and setting the groceries down on the table next to him

“no one died son… why don’t you sit down for this?” wayne told him

everyone walked out of the kitchen and into the small living room, wayne opting for his usual corner chair and eddie and you sitting on the couch

you faced him, and looked at all of his beautiful features, missing him already

“this might be a lot to take in,” you started, grabbing his hands in yours. eddie stared at your stomach for a couple of seconds and then back up at you

“y/n i promise with all my heart and soul that our baby-“

“baby? what are you talking about?” you interjected with a horrified look

“what are you talking about?” he said with wide eyes

you shook your head at the comment and smiled

“eds, a couple weeks ago i gave my dad your corroded coffin demo, and turns out the label loved it… and they said they want to give you guys a three album deal…” you trailed off as he just stared at you

“what?” he said shakily, and you nodded, and couple light tears rolled onto your cheek

eddie brought his hand up to your face, and gently wiped them away with the pad of his thumb

“but also, Iron Maiden was looking for a band to join them their world tour and apparently they want corroded coffin to be the opener…” you told him, looking down at your intertwined hands

he sat there, staring at you in disbelief

“are you serious?” he muttered out and you smiled. “like a heart attack babe”

“oh. my. GOD” he screamed, jumping up, putting his hands on his head and pacing around the room

“wait seriously?” he asked again

“she’s serious boy… you better learn how to pack” wayne said with a smile as he got up to hug eddie who was still in disbelief that his dreams were coming true

“and you did this for me?” eddie asked, engulfing you in this biggest hug you think he’s ever given you

“baby, you deserve this, and i’m so so so proud of you and everything you’ve done so far,” you started,

“and even though it’ll hurt like hell to watch you leave…” your voice started to crack

“i know you’re going to do amazing, and i’m so happy for you baby” at this point the tears flowed

eddie pulled away to look at you, tears in his eyes

“i love you, so so much y/n” he said, gently caressing your face

“but, if the tour’s over the summer then you’re more than welcome to join me babe,” he said with a smirk and you smiled

“i don’t think my dad would like that very much” you laughed

“all the more reason” he whispered, pulling you into a kiss

“alright well, you two love birds have a good evening, i start work in an hour but i reckon you two want to get as much time together as you can” wayne said, picking up his keys from the counter

he patted eddie on the shoulder, “i’m proud of you my boy” he said, before opening the door and walking out, closing it behind him

you stood with eddie in his living room, closely pressed together, arms wrapped around one another

“you didn’t have to do this y’know” he said and you nodded

“it’s selfish of me to keep all this amazing music to myself, so i kinda had to” you joked and he laughed

“i’m gonna miss that” you said

“miss what?” he questioned

“your laugh, your smile,” you said, “your lips” you ran your thumb lightly over his bottom lip before he locked his lips with yours

your lips melted together into the kiss, when you both pulled away for air, foreheads pressed against one another

“i’m serious, you should come with on tour with me, we can visit all the landmarks across the globe… watch the show backstage… we can share a bunk on the tour bus” he said, playing with a strand of your hair

“and what would entail on sharing a bunk with the famous eddie munson of the corroded coffin?” you joked

he shrugged “well we’d cuddle, obviously for safety reasons,” he said “oh yeah cause tour busses are soo dangerous” you rebutted

“and we’d get to share a blanket for warmth,“ he continued, “eds i think they have heating on the bus”

“and lastly, we can be this close every night, and i’m able to do this, whenever i like” he finished, starting to kiss your neck

“oh and what else do you think we’ll be able to do in this bunk?” you questioned, as he trailed the kisses back to your lips

“why don’t i just show you?” he teased, kissing you once more on the lips before picking you causing you to squeal

he carried you into his bed room and shut the door behind him

joining on him on tour sounds like a pretty good damn idea you think to yourself

fin.

#stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson smut #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson imagine #munsons-melody

298 notes · View notes