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lov3nerdstuff · 3 years

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Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 7.23}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 3.7k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

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This one hour turned out to be way longer than the previous ones together. Admittedly, Robin did enjoy the youthful silliness of her friends, but for the most part she could only listen and offer her ever-too-grown-up take on matters on the few occasions when she was asked for her opinion. It was fun though, a bit like spending time with younger siblings. Not that Robin knew much about that, and when she dared to voice the thought, Simon and Michael –who had grown up with two and three little siblings respectively– only laughed in her face. Oh well, just fun it was then, but perhaps not like siblings after all. Just a group of unlikely friends.

At the end of the given hour, Robin wished her little group a good rest of the night and told them to meet her in the entrance hall half an hour past midnight. Before either of the confused people could ask about her enigmatic and sudden statement, Snape came to her rescue just as planned. He didn't say a word when he held his hand out to her, and she didn't say a word in return when she took it and let him pull her up to her feet. It was all in the eyes, in the words that didn't need to be spoken to be understood. The last Robin heard of her friends while Snape led her off towards the dancefloor was Cas saying something along the lines of 'and that's how you ask a girl to dance!' to the rest of the group. She couldn't help but silently smirk to herself in agreement.

The dance that followed was as much a delight as the previous one had been, as every single one of their dances had been, and once it ended all too soon as ever, neither of them could bear to stop just yet. So they did what most couples did, they stayed, and they danced to the next three pieces of song the musicians gifted them with as well. It left Robin quite breathless, but smiling more widely than she probably ever had in public. Who cares… she was just 'that insane girl', after all. This was the last ball she would be here for, and perhaps also the last time she got to dance with Snape. Even though she very much hoped that the latter wasn't truly the case.

When they finally decided that it had been quite enough exercise for the moment, a decision majorly influenced by the change in musical tone from sophisticated to what Robin graciously called 'jolly', they made their way off the dancefloor with slightly heaving chests and in purest contentment. That was, until no other than Damion Morgan stepped into their way, as if he had sensed that Robin's night was going too well. And he obviously had every intention to change that now. Not only did his eyes rake up and down Robin's form with an almost hungry look, but with an equal amount of scarily sweet smiles plastered onto his lips as well.

"Go on now, don't be shy, darling. Just ask me out." He finally spoke up with one of his flashiest grins, and his eyes locked with Robin's as he got way too close to her for anyone's comfort.

"Alright. Would you be so kind to get out of my sight?" Robin returned an exaggeratedly sweet smile that was dripping with sarcasm, and she was only glad that, hidden away under the billowing sleeves or her dress, Snape was still holding onto her hand.

"Ah, always sporting such a sharp tongue and an even sharper mind... that's how you seduce me, dear." Morgan chuckled, a brightly ringing sound that gave Robin chills of the uncomfortable kind. How could the man be so ridiculously positive, clear as crystal and bright as the sun, while yet he was the scariest person she had ever known to exist?

"Your advances are shameful at best, Damion, if not outright pathetic." Snape replied in a condescending and cold drawl, and his words were more in line with Robin's thoughts than anything she could have worded herself.

Morgan's head snapped around, and he glared at Snape with sharp shards of ice in his eyes. "Oh, and you think you are doing so much better than that? Is that why she hasn't even noticed how badly you are pining for her?"

Now Snape's eyes narrowed at the man in front of them in an unspoken threat as well. "You haven't the slightest idea what you are speaking of."

"Actually I know very well what I'm speaking of, Severus." Morgan quipped in radiant imagined superiority. "As it is, I also happen to know that you are absolutely right in your assessment of the circumstances; you really are entirely out of your league."

Robin didn't waste time thinking about the lunatic's words of hostility and instead caught his attention by speaking up calmly and with the subtlest touch of mocking sweetness. "If we are so far below you, then perhaps we shouldn't bother you any longer with our lowliness. It must be quite painful for you to dwell in such poor company, and we wouldn't want to hurt you now, would we?"

With that, Robin simply turned to leave without waiting for an answer, and she didn't even have to pull Snape along with her, for he mirrored her movement precisely in an instant. They got exactly two steps further down the hall before Morgan caught Robin by her free arm once again. His grip, as ever, more demand than inquiry.

"Dance with me." He said, without smiles, without brightness, and certainly without room for refusal.

"No." Was what Robin replied nonetheless, and this finally brought a new smile to Morgan's lips, a different one. A smile that made Robin's blood freeze over.

"That wasn't a question, darling. Dance with me, or I will see to it that you won't live to deny me again."

Robin's guarded expression kept her jaw from dropping and her eyes from growing wide, but the sheer panic that spread inside her mind and body still must've found a way to the surface. Her eyes moved from Morgan to Snape, in a silent plea for him to do something, anything, but going by his own expression, it was either killing Morgan right on the spot or letting things unfold. Robin couldn't blame him for having a similar reaction as she had herself, there was little else to do about such a display of dramaticism and insanity.

Gulping down the lump in her throat, Robin let go of Snape's hand and took the one Morgan was offering instead, even though every single cell in her body screamed in protest. As ridiculous as the threat was, she didn't doubt Morgan anymore. The lengths to which he would go to see her suffer still lay in darkness ahead of her, and she was more than reasonably reluctant to shed any light onto them now. So she let the man lead her back to the dancefloor, much like last year, while she was still aware of and very much thankful for Snape's eyes lingering on her. He wouldn't let Morgan harm her if he could prevent it, she knew that. And Snape's serious concern worried her quite a bit more than the actual prospect of getting injured. But no time to think about it now. The music started, and Morgan swirled her through the room alongside the oblivious students, professors and guests.

"You are hurting me." She finally spoke up in a quiet hiss, when his fingers dug uncomfortably into the skin of her back even through the layers of thick black fabric.

"Did it ever occur to you that you are hurting me, too?" He sighed in return, as if speaking to a child reluctant to understand. "With all those edges and corners of your wild personality… You make it ridiculously hard for me to put my mark on you. Perhaps, a little pain shall be the way to tame you after all."

A mere second later, when he moved his hand across her back oh so subtly, a sharp pain, a stinging and burning followed in the wake of his fingers at once, and Robin gasped before biting her lip to refrain from crying out. How the actual hell had he done that?! The pain dimmed down quickly enough, and nobody was paying them much attention, so it can't have been anything too serious, right? Right?! Robin released a shivering breath, then glared up at her dance partner in utmost hostility.

"If you think you can break me like some fragile plaything, you are utterly mistaken." She hissed, but it only served to make the man above her smirk. Robin wanted to slap that expression off his face, but all she could do was glare at him even more threateningly. "I can see way beneath those smiles and charming words. When I look at you, I see nothing but a monster."

"When I look at you, I see a beautiful masquerade covering the hollow darkness of inevitable death. Because that's ultimately what you are, and what you are ever going to be. A broken creature of ash and dust, and a mirror of shattered vanity." His reply came quickly and in a striking factuality, a seriousness that was unlikely for him. It left Robin short of an adequate answer for a moment, while his words cut a little deeper than she would've liked. And yet, when he spoke on, his tone was filled with bitter amusement. "It's rather ironic, isn't it? To see you clinging so desperately onto the one man who is the very essence of brokenness. Tell me, are you trying to heal him or do you merely reap what is left in the ashes? I cannot tell from what I see. But I shouldn't be the one to judge... I too desire you despite your darkness."

"You are wrong. Again, as always." She huffed in spite. "I don't like him despite the way he is, but for that very reason. He might have been broken once, but he put his pieces back together in his own way, and that makes him more appealing than anyone who has never known the courage it takes to go on after you shatter. Or the strength it takes to be better than before."

"You really are quite pathetically in love, aren't you?" Morgan sighed, sounding condescending and indifferent in a way that made Robin wish she hadn't said anything at all. But this damned man just had a way of getting to her and making her speak against her better judgement. "Ironic that it had to be Severus you are so willing to suffer for. Say, would you die for him, little songbird? I bet you would, wouldn't you? As I said; Ironic."

"If I'm pathetic for loving, you are just loving to be pathetic. Ironic indeed." She scoffed, and he squeezed the hurting spot on her back in return, making her yelp under her breath. The sound made him smirk. Bloody bastard…

When the music came to an end and the people to a halt, Robin feared that Morgan would keep her right where she was for another dance. It was a bit after eleven at this point, and even if there was still some time until midnight, she was both exhausted and desperate to get away from the man who was keeping a strong hold of her even now that the dance had ended. But to her surprise, he started leading her off the dancefloor before she even had to voice a protest or question.

"I better return you to poor Severus before he gives in to the urge to murder me, huh? Merlin's beard, that man loves you more than is good for him." Morgan chuckled quietly, but Robin honestly didn't care for his words now as long as he left her alone as soon as possible. It didn't even matter that he had fallen victim to the same delusions as everyone else. So when Morgan finally released Robin from his grasp and even had the audacity to give her a little push towards Snape, there was no time for her wounded pride when she was just lucky to be escaping his presence in the first place. Only once Robin was safely tucked into Snape's side two seconds later, she finally felt like she could breathe again.

"Thank you for the dance, my dear. Your divine company is always my highest pleasure." Morgan gave Robin another of his signature smiles. "I'm looking forward to all that is yet to come." His words couldn't have been more enigmatic and unsettling, but at least he bowed slightly and then disappeared into the crowd. Just like last year.

Robin let out a long breath to regain her composure, then looked up at Snape right at her side. He was undoubtedly angry and concerned in equal measure, as always when it came to her interactions with Morgan, and thus she offered him a small smile of reassurance.

"I'm alright, don't worry. The idiot hurt my back, but it's less painful than any of the times he slammed me into a wall in class, so it's nothing new really. It's okay."

"I let him hurt you, it is not okay."

"Do we need to be having this conversation again?" Robin gave him a look that was both pleading and defeated. "There is nothing you could've done and we both know that. All we can do is to start looking more thoroughly into what his problem with me is after the break is over."

"You are most likely right about that. Obviously." Snape sighed, then placed a gentle hand on the small of her back with a questioning gaze down at her. "May I?"

"Certainly." The smile that came to her lips now was genuine, affectionate almost, and she didn't bother hiding it from him. They both could use some calm and comfort now. "Perhaps… we could get away from the crowds for a bit?"

"Certainly." He mirrored with a not-smirk, and Robin shook her head with a chuckle. He really had a way of cheering her up even in the worst of situations, and that was something nobody else had ever been able to do.

Without waiting for a better opportunity that wouldn't come anyway, they soon made their way through the hall while pushing through various groups of people who weren't accustomed to the unspoken rule that it was better to stay out of their way. Robin had never taken much notice of it before just now, actually, but she usually never had to squeeze through somewhere. People usually stepped out of her way quite willingly and let her pass without effort. The same way they did with Snape. In a way, now that people did stay standing in her path, she found herself equally amused and irritated by that fact. Perhaps being the insane girl everyone feared based on a reputation alone really wasn't all that bad after all.

They reached the entrance hall soon enough, and in an unspoken question and likewise answer, they decided against winter robes and for a heating charm instead. It wouldn't be toasty, that was for sure, but it could keep the cold away at least, even if that left the wind to live with. Now that the snow had been replaced by rain for the majority of the previous week, it wasn't as harsh outside as it had been half a month ago, and this they could very well feel when they stepped outside into the nightly courtyard side by side. With the charm wrapping around them, the temperature was almost truly comfortable here, but then again, there was no wind inside these walls, so that wasn't too much of a surprise.

It again went wordlessly that they sauntered through the arcades and to the other end of the open space, out into the night and away from the busyness of the castle at long last. Away from the people, away from Morgan. His words still sounded as a dull echo in Robin's mind, now that everything else was silent. Not all of his nonsense had lingered of course, just… that one thing he had said wouldn't stop nagging at her. What he saw when he looked at her. The hollow darkness of inevitable death. It probably was just his overly dramatic way of being hostile and threatening, but then again, perhaps what he saw was the same thing that made everyone else scared of her as well. And as all things inevitable, it drew closer and closer to the surface, where everyone could see. Maybe that's why her reputation had grown exponentially more sinister over the years… Maybe that's why Morgan's words threatened to suffocate her now. Because she really was just a hollow darkness to the people around her.

"Talk to me, Robin…" Snape's voice drew her out of her mind as it did so often these days. They were sauntering down the hill now, almost having reached the shore of the lake… and she hadn't even noticed. "You are getting lost again, and by the look on your face I can tell that it isn't a nice place you are vanishing into. Will you just tell me what is bothering you for once, or do I have to ask on?"

"It's… just something Morgan said." She sighed deeply, and tried for a half smile when she looked up at Snape. "I really should know better by now than to let him get to me like that every single time, huh?"

"He has a way of getting under people's skin regardless of how hard they try to resist. It happens to the best."

"To you?"

"Obviously."

Robin let out a small amused huff in reply, but then stopped in her saunter and turned to face Snape when he did the same. "Can I ask you something odd?"

"Don't you always?" The returned question was more encouragement than tease for once, and Robin honestly felt glad for that.

She knew she had to ask, but in the end she would also need the courage to bear the answer as well. Taking a deep breath, she kept her eyes fixed on his and finally brought up the courage to speak the words that had been threatening to break past her lips anyway. "When you look at me... what do you see?"

"Everything." His reply came in such a calm sincerity, such genuine and complete certainty that Robin forgot how to breathe for a moment. She even forgot why she had asked in the first place, with an answer that told her so much more than the question demanded. A shiver of sheer and utter delight ran over her skin; she couldn't remember how to speak with words. So all the questions and answers of the world lay in her gaze alone. She wanted to be everything to him more than she had ever wanted anything else.

"Why do you ask?" Snape finally inquired, just as calmly as before, and the fact that his previous answer obviously was just another given to him almost made Robin laugh despite the newly arising hope. Perhaps she wasn't a token of death to everyone… to the one person that mattered she obviously was quite a bit more than that. And wasn't that by far enough?

"Morgan said that all he sees in me is a beautiful masquerade that covers the hollow darkness of inevitable death." She finally sighed with a shrug, then sauntered on towards the shore with Snape following right by her side. "But then again he also said that the sharp edges of my personality make it difficult for him to put his mark on me, so I guess I shouldn't try to find truth where there is only insanity."

"A wise decision I wholeheartedly support." He replied, just when they left the muddy path behind and crossed over onto the pebbled edge of the lake that lay in front of them as a black mirror now, reflecting only the blanket of stars above their heads. A beautiful sight that made Robin sigh as much as Snape's question that came a mere second later. "Was there anything else he said that might be disconcerting?"

"Just the usual things he keeps saying to me from time to time… How much he hates that I 'desperately cling onto you', for example. Or that you love me too much." She said before her brain had the time to fully process how stupid of a move that was. Maybe it was the hope gaining the upper hand again… but the idea that perhaps she could be everything to him indeed was burning her up from the inside now. Her hope had turned into a wildfire.

"Dumbledore really should have Morgan gagged, if he already refuses to dispose of him entirely." Snape grumbled under his breath, and Robin's heart fell a little. That wasn't the reaction she hadn't technically allowed herself to hope for but had hoped for nonetheless. Of course it would upset him to hear these accusations… what had she been expecting? Ridiculous.

"Oh, you'd have to gag quite a few more people than him if it's just about these remarks." She finally replied with a sad chuckle, then with a silent sigh. "Too many people have been insinuating things like that recently. You know… about you and me. Us."

"Ah." His voice dropped down an octave, and the deep frown on his falling features was suddenly accompanied by a tinge of rising bitterness in his tone, a shadow of sincere sadness in his eyes. Then it was all apathy again before the fleeting emotions could be grasped. "I can see why that thought would be repelling to you."

And for once, encouraged by the shadowy ghosts of expressions she had seen on his face, Robin let her heart speak instead of her mind. "Actually, it just makes me wish quite desperately that it was true."

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heyitsjay03 · 3 years

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Fighting For Tomorrow: Chapter Six

Disclaimer: Still haven’t bought AOT but I’m working on it!

AN: this. is a doozy of a chapter- i know. lots. and lots. and lots of words. but DAMN if i didnt love every part of it. however! if you guys prefer smaller chapters please please please dont hesitate to say something. seriously. id love to write you guys more frequent, smaller chapters but if you guys like the longass, slightly infrequent chapters then they shall continue. just say the word bby. also i felt kinda poetic in some of these sections so if you see reader gettin fancy with her verbage, don’t trip. that was my bad.

Reiner x Fem!Reader, eventual Captain Levi x Fem!Reader, Sasha x Sister!Reader

Word Count: 10k (i finished this at 2 am today before class and nearly passed out at the sight ‘10,008 words’ when i pulled up my word counter. CH-YOW this a big boy)

TW: gore/blood/violence/death, adult language/swearing, slight PTSD, mental anguish, self-harm, grief, nightmares, insomnia, hysterics, horse accident

You can read parts one, two, three, four, and five just by tapping the lovely numbers!

The flames crackle and rage before us, engulfing our comrades’ bodies in scarlet and gold waves.

Engulfing Marco’s body.

Jean had found him. Just… laying there. Up against a building. No one had seen him die, no one knew how he died, just that he did. Marco- our comrade, our friend... my friend- just gone. Taken from us. There was no valiant deed. There was no heroism. There was no triumphant story. Nothing. He just… died.

And that’s the worst part.

He was taken from us and no one knows how. No one knows why.

Marco was one of the first comrades I got close to. We were competitive- always fighting to outdo each other. I’d train two hours, he’d train three. He’d pass the ODM test after four tries, I’d pass it in three. Back and forth, back and forth.

But if we faced something bigger than us- if there was an exercise we couldn’t quite pin down, if there was another Cadet giving us problems, if one of our squad members were injured- we’d always come together to beat it. It was always like that.

He was like my little brother.

I scoff at myself. They all are like my younger siblings. Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, even Annie and Bertholdt. They’re all family and losing Marco… it was like losing a brother.

I did lose a brother.

My brother is among the flames- being turned to ash before my eyes. Marco is gone. Taken from me. Robbed from me. From everyone. His intellect, his kindness, his leadership. All of it gone. Taken from humanity.

We’re just kids.

Marco was just a kid.

All of us- bright-eyed kids wanting to do our best for humanity. To take back what was stolen from us. To serve humanity. We didn’t know how much hate, how much horror was waiting for us. To watch our comrades- our family and friends- be torn apart in front of us. To lose the ones closest to us in unspeakable carnage.

All we wanted was to do something for humanity.

All Marco wanted was to do something for humanity.

He was just a kid.

Tears are streaming down my face as we all watch the flames consume the bodies of fallen soldiers. I can hear the crackling of wood, feel the heat on my skin. But the crackling is distant and the heat is faint. My chest feels empty and cold.

I lost Marco. I lost Hannah. I lost Franz.

And I’ll never get them back.

But I’ll be damned if I allow anyone else to be taken from me.

The Commander roars and rages before us, engulfing us in his words. They burn and singe like fire as they cross the Cadets’ ears. I can hear them whispering among themselves- asking if he’s serious or if he’s crazy or already resigning themselves to the Garrison.

It doesn’t matter what they say.

I’m joining the Scouts. Commander Erwin’s words are a comfort, a pleasant yet caveat warmth. Like a candle sitting beside a curtain. I know what I’m signing up for. I’ve always known. But it doesn’t mean I’ll be giving it all up now.

“I’ve made my decision.”

My eyes turn away from the Commander, landing on Reiner’s form beside me. His gaze is still stuck on the Commander, back straight and shoulders squared. I turn my gaze back to the Commander- not wanting to be chewed out by a commanding officer for not paying attention. “...really?” I ask quietly, “Where are you-?”

“The Scouts.”

My eyes are back on him. “What?” I hiss, “Reiner, you can’t... throw away your shot at the Military Police- you worked so hard, why would you-?”

“Eren was right,” he says quietly. I can feel his chest fill with breath before he chuckles. “They don’t need our skills so far away from the walls. They need us where we’re at use- where the people are.”

“Rei, please, please,” I whisper, “Please don’t do this.”

“Why not?” Reiner chuckles again, “You want me gone?”

“It’s not like that,” I shoot back, “I just…”

“You just what?”

“...I don’t wanna lose anyone else.”

“...you won’t.”

“You can’t know that… I’m already worried about Eren and Armin and Mikasa- if I have to worry about anyone else-”

“You don’t need to worry about me, darling… Because we’re going to get through this,” I can feel his finger graze the side of my hand before his hand takes mine. “Together.”

A shaky exhale leaves my mouth as I close my eyes. “...together,” I whisper as shivers run down my spine.

“That’s right, darling.”

“...those who wish to join other divisions are dismissed.”

Shuffles of feet scurry past me as I remain. I can feel their gazes, their judging glares and confused looks. They mumble to themselves. ‘Insane’, ‘crackpots’, ‘suicidal’, ‘deathwish’. Nervously, I swallow and grip Reiner’s hand tighter.

I can feel his smile. Proud and bright like the sun. Warming like the sun. Relaxation smoothes out over my skin as I soak it in.

I’ve done it. Finally. After years of fighting and hoping and wishing and dreaming about this very moment, I’m here.

The crowd clears out and a scattering of us remains. My eyes dart to each of the figures in the hopes of identifying my fellow crackpots.

Reiner. Armin. Mikasa. Bertholdt. Ymir. Christa. Sas-

My heart stops.

Sasha. Connie. Jean.

What the Hell are they doing here?! They were supposed to join the Military Police. They were going to, weren’t they?! Why are they still here?! Why aren’t they walking away?

At the very base of my stomach, something churns. Quickly and violently.

I think I’m gonna be sick.

I’m already going to be looking out for Armin, Eren, and Mikasa- I came to accept that long ago- but now Sasha? And Reiner? Connie and Jean, too?

Most of everyone I’ve ever loved has just signed their hearts and bodies away to the Scouts- to nearly certain death.

There has to be a way to change their minds, right? There has to be.

...but there isn’t, is there?

They heard the statistics. They know how many have died in the Scouts. They know all the facts, all the dirtiest of details.

And they stayed.

Gods, why did they stay?

I’ll drag each of them out of here by their ears, kicking and screaming, if I have to. I already lost Marco and Hanna and Franz. I don’t think I could take losing them, too.

But if they truly want to- if they know the risk and want to dedicate their hearts just like I am… why would I stop them?

I should be proud.

They’re- we all are- dedicating ourselves to the better future humanity deserves. To the eradication of Titans. To the freedom we all hunger for.

“Very well!” Commander Erwin’s voice booms out over us. “I welcome you- the newest recruits of the Scout Regiment!” His fist slams against his chest in a tight salute, “This is my real salute! Dedicate your hearts to the cause!”

The group moves as one as we all strike our fists to our chests.

My eyes glide from the Commander to Sasha once more.

She’s shaking. I can hear her stifled sobs from here.

But she remains firm in her spot.

She’s made her decision.

And I can accept that.

I lay awake. Moonlight flickers through the window- inching towards the other side of the room. It’s late and I’m exhausted but even when I am, I can’t sleep. There’s too much screaming in my head. Too much gore. Too much carnage that I can only barely remember. The only things that do remember are my heart and lungs- hammering and pounding and stretching to the fullest in the wake of whatever nightmare slinked back into the recesses of my mind.

Reiner stirs in his sleep and wraps his arms around my waist. Tucking me into him, he sighs and buries his head into my neck. “...can’t sleep?” he mumbles. His voice is deep. Deeper than usual, with a gentle rumble to it.

“No,” I whisper back, shrinking into him.

“Wanna talk about it?”

I stay silent. No. No, I really, really, really, really don’t want to. Talking about whatever bothers me is like pulling teeth. It feels like a burden that I’m casting onto someone else. And with Reiner… he’s burdened enough already. He’s everyone’s big brother. Everyone’s confidant. He shoulders responsibilities and punishments for others- never once thinking about himself.

But he’s exhausted. All the time, exhausted. And he’s so good at hiding it. Even around me. But I can see it. The way his golden eyes go hazy at times, the way his shoulders sag and the way things slip his mind. The way he can become an entirely different person with terrifying speed.

It scares me how much I think he carries. Because when he breaks… it’ll be cataclysmic.

Reiner’s lips slide up my shoulder and neck, pressing gentle kisses against my skin. “...well?”

But maybe he’ll open up to me if I take the step first. Maybe I’ll show him that there’s nothing to worry about- that I’m not going anywhere and that he can talk to me about anything. Everything.

“...I’ve… I’ve been having nightmares.”

His kisses stop where they are, lips still pressed to my skin for a moment before pulling away. His grip on me gets tighter as he pulls me closer. Reiner lets his head rest in the crook of my neck and sighs. “...what about?”

I laugh quietly, letting my fingers trail against his forearm. “...I don’t remember most of them but… there is one that comes back… every now and then.”

“I’m listening, darling.”

Slowly, I take a breath. My eyes close as I remember the details of the dream. “...it always starts off the same… I’m in a throne room and there’s a person at my feet. Sometimes… it’s a woman and other times it’s a man and other times, I can’t tell which, but… there’s always someone at my feet,”

“And they’re always crying,” I whisper, eyebrows drawing together and I grip his forearm. “Sobbing and pleading for mercy. A-...And I…” My voice quivers as tears start to flow from my eyes. “I… just… I don’t even know, I just… I see this… light- red light- come from their eyes and they just… they convulse and thrash around for a moment- screaming and crying and begging- before… before they…,”

“...before they die at my feet,” I whisper brokenly, eyes open and staring out into the distance as the scene replays. “And when they finally die… I look up… and there’s… corpses. Thousands upon thousands of corpses, Rei… All piled up on top of each other and in writhing rigidity. As far as I could see- there were bodies- and… and somehow I know that… that I… I had… somehow I know that I was the one that killed them all.”

“I’m your squad leader, Ness,” the man before us states before clapping a hand onto the horse towering beside him. “And this! Is my horse, Chalet…”

My eyes drift away from him, blankly settling on the various horses in their stalls behind me. I’ve tuned him out… I should probably listen to whatever he has to say. But… I’m so tired. Another night of staring at the ceiling while listening to Reiner snore and watching Bertholdt contort himself into a coil across the room.

I don’t know how many sleepless nights I have left.

My body lurches forward slightly as someone nudges me from behind. I turn to face whoever it was. Jean is towering over me with a smirk on his face as he pretends to be watching Squad Leader Ness. “...what the hell was that for?” I mutter, facing forward.

“You were falling asleep again,” he chuckles quietly, “Another… late night?”

I scoff and shake my head, “You’re a child.”

“You didn’t say ‘no’.”

“No, Jean,” I hiss, “I just… couldn’t sleep.”

I can feel him deflate slightly behind me. “...oh…”

“Yeah.”

“...I get them, too.”

“I really hope you don’t.”

Connie, standing beside me, scoots closer. “What’re we talkin’ about?”

Jean answers at the same time as I do. “Sex.”

“Food.”

Connie’s eyebrows furrow slightly as he risks a glance at me. “...huh?”

I sigh and roll my eyes, “We were talking about-”

“Did someone say ‘food’?” Sasha whispers excitedly behind me.

I sigh and roll my eyes again. “You three are-”

“Hilarious.”

“Your favorites.”

“Really hungry.”

Groaning softly, I shake my head at their responses. “Gods… I thought Armin, Eren, and Mikasa were a lot… then I had to get you knuckleheads thrown in, too.”

“Now!” Ness states, looking significantly more disheveled than he did a few minutes ago. Adjusting the bandana around his head, he huffs and stands up straight. “Follow me and I’ll show you to your dorms- and then you’ll be introduced to your horses.”

He walks off, leading us between the stables and the looming walls of the castle. My eyes trail up the crumbling stone- plants and vines and flowers managing their way through the cracks- and over the rolling hills dotted with trees. Sunlight floods the stone courtyard, basking us all in its warmth.

It reminds me of home.

Not Shiganshina- but of the modest cottage in the forest. I smile to myself, watching Sasha bother Jean with Connie’s help just in front of me. I remember playing with her in the trees. We made and marked that forest. There isn’t a tree in that entire forest we haven’t carved up with arrows and knives or with the undersides of our shoes as we climbed their roots and limbs. Sasha would be afraid at first- of foxes or wolves or falling or tripping. But as soon as I took her hand and led her to the sunlight, to the tops of the trees, to the very breath of the sky… she’d always hunger for more. To go to the brightest spot in the forest, to climb the highest tree, to scale the steepest cliff.

My smile starts to fade slightly.

She’s even more afraid than she used to be… did I cause that? Does she even remember? She was young when I left… Does she remember when she scraped her knee and told her that she was now one with the forest- that its blood was in her and her blood in it? Does she remember that first tree we climbed together? Does she remember the nights we would run barefoot around the dew-covered clearings in the heart of the woods with no light to guide us except that of the moon? Does she remember what it was like to not be afraid?

Will we ever get to go back…?

The group stops. Ness smiles at us and points down the hallway to our left. “Down this hallway are the boys’ rooms,” he points to the hallway to our right. “And down this one is the girls’.” He chuckles and turns back to us. “There is… one other thing.”

Uh oh.

“There’s only one bathroom.”

I stifle a groan. It’s a goddamn castle. How in the walls is that even possible- one bathroom, my ass.

“Well… only one that’s in good enough shape to be used, anyway. ‘sides the officers’ bathroom...” Ness admits, a sheepish smile growing on his lips as he rubs the back of his head. “You’re welcome to fix up the other ones, though! ...although, I think you’d need help…” Ness continues muttering more to himself than anyone else.

One bathroom. Unbelievable. I growl under my breath as Ness marches us back out into the courtyard. You’d think Captain Shortstack would be all over the renovations of this place- bathrooms included.

Whatever. It’s not like I shower when everyone else does, anyway. There’s always a possibility I could sneak into the officers’ bathroom like when we were in training… And there was that river...

“I can see you already coming up with a plan,” Sasha appears next to me, lowering her voice. “What’re ya thinkin’?”

I laugh softly, nudging her arm with my elbow. “Nothing regarding food.”

Sasha pouts slightly, “Fine… then what’re ya thinkin’ about?”

“Just plannin’ my way into the officers’ bathroom.”

“Oooh,” Sasha laughs maliciously. “Do you think they’ll have hot water?”

I sigh, closing my eyes and imagining the steam and feel of hot water cascading down my body. Hot water was a privilege in the Cadet Corps. ...one that was constantly being robbed from me. I’d mostly show up after everyone had already showered, praying that maybe I’d have even a moment to myself to unwind- and to not be stared at. And nearly every time, I bathed in freezing cold water. But there were a few times where I’d be wrapped in steam, delicate streams of hot water warming my frigid body.

...now that I think about it, those ‘few times’ were whenever Reiner would wake me up early to get in the shower before everyone else.

“Gods,” I mumble, looking at Reiner as he walks with Bertholdt and Annie. “I really hope so, ‘tato-muncher.”

As if he felt my gaze on him, Reiner turns around and smiles. I return the smile with a scrunch of my nose. Reiner’s eyes glide behind me for a second, returning to me before darting back behind me. I turn around to follow his gaze.

Eren.

Eren runs straight for us, green cape flaring out behind him as he charges towards the group. Our eyes meet and his pace increases. My hand latches onto Sasha’s sleeve and tugs, “‘Tato! ‘Tato, look!” I laugh, slapping Connie’s shoulder. “Look who it is!”

Connie and Sasha turn around and I can hear the others turn along with them. Armin and Mikasa greet him first, taking him into their arms and speaking quietly amongst themselves for a moment. When they break away, Eren’s smile widens as he looks over us.

“...you’re all here?” he asks quietly, smile slightly fading. “You all joined the Scouts?”

“Well, yeah,” I laugh, “Why else would we be here- shits ‘nd giggles?”

Eren rolls his eyes before scanning over us again. “Wait… if you’re all here… That means Jean, Marco, and Annie all joined the Military Police.”

My heart plummets like a rock into my stomach. That’s right. He wasn’t there for the funeral. He doesn’t know.

The remaining section of our group walks up behind Eren- Jean leading them all. Eren turns around and groans. “Not you, too.”

Jean doesn’t react. His face unreadable and voice flat, he rips the bandage off. “Marco’s dead.”

“...what?” Eren mumbles, “What did you just… What’d you just say? Did you say Marco died?”

Jean’s voice stays still as he continues.

“Seems like not everyone can die a dramatic death.”

“You don’t think it’s weird?” I laugh, picking up a section of hay and starting back towards the stable. “We know everyone, every thing’s position in the formation except Eren’s- arguably the most volatile and important piece of information to have. That isn’t the least bit confusing to you?”

Reiner shrugs, taking the hay from my hands. “Dunno… I haven’t really thought about it.”

I huff and shake my head, stepping in front of him and taking the hay back. “I can carry it,” I mutter, looking at the ridges growing in his face. “And by the look on your face, you have been thinking about it.” I turn around, lifting the hay over the stable door and onto the growing pile just beside my horse.

My horse nudges me with his nose, huffing. I smile and rub my hand up and down his nose, “...needy, aren’t we?” I whisper softly.

“Ya gonna give him a name?” Reiner asks, patting his hand against the horse’s neck.

Peeking down under the horse’s neck, I squint up at him. “You didn’t answer me.”

Reiner rolls his eyes and walks away, sighing. “You didn’t ask anything.”

“I asked if you were thinking about why we weren’t being filled in on Eren’s location in the formation.”

“Technically, you didn’t ask,” he shoots back.

My eyes lock with his in an intense stare. “...we really gonna do this right now?” I ask quietly, still petting my horse.

Reiner sighs and looks away, running a hand through his hair. I turn back to my horse, letting my forehead rest against his cheek. Reiner sighs again. The three of us stand in silence- only my horse breaking the silence with occasional huffs and flicks of his tail.

“...I have been thinking about it,” Reiner finally mumbles. “But… not like you have.”

Here we go again with him being all cryptic and skittish and avoidant. I am so sick of this game.

“Then how have you been thinking about it, Reiner?” I hiss, lifting my head off my horse and looking into his large grey eye. “All the time- just when I think you’re gonna open up to me about what’s going on in that…” I sigh frustratedly, “That… that… stupid, thick, adorable, blond head’a yours you just… you shut me back out again. And it’s so goddamn irritating, Rei,” I admit with a slight squeak in my voice.

Slowly, I turn to face him, gaze dropping down to the ground. “...I’ve been… I’ve been so open with you. More open than I have with anyone in my whole life- except, I dunno... Sasha- but I just… It’d be nice to have some’a that returned.”

I can hear him get closer to me. Gently, his arms wrap around me and tuck me into his chest. I’m swallowed in his embrace as he runs his fingers up and down my back. “...okay,” he whispers, “okay, darling… I’ll… I’ll try and open up to you, okay? I’ll…” he trails off and sighs, tightening his hold on me as he places his chin on the top of my head.

“I know how hard it is, and… I… I’m not trying to force it out of you or anything… I just… I want to help you,” I whisper quietly. “And I promise you, Rei...I’m not going anywhere.”

There’s a coldness in his laugh. It leaves his lips like ice and falls to the floor like daggers. “Thank you, darling. Just…,” Reiner takes my shoulders, pushing us apart. His gold eyes have slightly lost their luster as they peer deep into me. I squirm slightly in his stare, eyebrows furrowing. “You have to understand that there is a lot happening- something... bigger, darling.”

I blink and tilt my head slightly to the side. “Did you… did you get another assignment?” I ask quietly, “Something under the table?”

Reiner is quiet for a moment, eyes flicking between mine. “...yes. Something under the table- from people higher than the Captain.”

My eyes widen slightly. Is this what’s been weighing on him for so long? That’s why he’s been missing at times? What he’s been trying to tell me? Another assignment that he can’t talk about, even with me-

Oh gods.

I feel like a total ass.

“Who…?” I ask quietly, taking note of the way he straightens up to scan around us before shrinking back down.

Reiner scoots us back, tucking me up against the stable door. “I… I can’t tell you but… you understand that, right, darling?” He asks hopefully, a small lilt to his voice. Gently, his fingers trail my face and a small smile crosses my face. His lips mirror mine.

“I understand that, love,” I hum, leaning into his touch. “I do… I do have another question.”

Reiner smiles wider, lovingly staring down at me. “What is it, darling?”

Nervous claws at my stomach.

I shouldn’t ask this.

Why? He’s finally being open with me- willing to at least tell me what’s wrong. Shouldn’t I-

No. There’s something bigger here. Don’t. Ask.

“__________?”

I swallow my fear and meet his gaze. “...I heard you the night after the first clean-up operation,” I admit quietly, “with Annie and Bertholdt.”

Reiner’s eyes darken, dropping down and avoiding my gaze. “...how much did you...?”

“Not much,” I laugh nervously, “Just you guys arguing about telling me… and Annie saying to only tell me when you’re sure of how I’d feel.”

With a sigh of relief, he closes his eyes and smiles. He quickly presses his lips to my forehead. “Okay, okay… Okay… Sorry, I just… I don’t need t’get... chewed out for that.” I chuckle softly, “So… that big’a deal, huh?”

Reiner laughs, “Yes. That big of’a deal.”

“...so… it’s you, Annie, and Bertholdt,” I mumble, picking at the leather strap running down his chest. “Anyone else that I know?”

“No, just us three.”

“Am… am I in danger?” I ask jokingly, “All this secrecy- it makes me wonder.”

Reiner doesn’t laugh with me.

“Rei?” I call, looking up at him. “...am I?”

His eyes slide down to me, a small smile on his lips. “...stick with me, darling- I’ll keep ya safe.”

“...what?”

“There’s a lot at work here, __________,” Reiner sighs, his eyes going hazy for a second as he relives whatever is ‘at work’. Blinking, he focuses back on me. “But I can keep you safe. I’ve been keeping you safe.”

What does this even mean? Are there people I can’t trust? If that’s true, then what? What am I supposed to do? Be some tiny little doll cowering in fear behind him? I hate being treated like some weak, fragile, defenseless thing. And what if he gets hurt protecting me? What then? What if something goes wrong and he ends up being blamed for something he didn’t do?

And what about Sasha?

“...what about my sister? What about her? Who’s gonna keep her safe?” I ask, clutching the fabric covering his chest, “If anything happens to Sasha, I…”

“Nothing’s gonna happen to Sasha,” Reiner hums quietly, “We’re gonna keep her safe.”

“And Eren? Mikasa? Armin? What about the boys? If any of them get hurt, Rei, I just… I don’t think I could…”

“__________,” he says firmly, catching my attention. Slowly, my eyes slide up to meet his again. They’re gentle and glowing in the fading sunlight. His hand trails down my face again, leaving a buzzing wake behind it.

“You need to trust me.”

I swallow and nod quickly. “Okay, yes, okay… Okay, you’re right. We… We are all gonna be okay.”

Reiner chuckles and lets his chin rest on the top of my head as he tucks me into his chest again.

“That’s my girl.”

“Oiii!” I yell, waving a hand over my head. “Ponytail!”

Eld’s head starts swiveling around, looking for whoever called him. With a gentle kick of my horse, he trots closer. “Eld!” I call again, sliding off the side of my horse. My feet hit the dirt just in front of him as I straighten up, shaking a few stray hairs out of my eyes. “It’s good to see ya again.”

Eld smiles and chuckles, gesturing down to the emerald green cape around my shoulders. “So you made it.”

I look down and rub the fabric between my fingers. A smile crosses my face as I look back up to him. “Just like I dreamed I would.”

“You’re in pretty high spirits,” Oluo scoffs as he walks by with a supply box. Setting it down into a wagon, he huffs and turns to face us. “Considering we’ll all be facing death in a few hours.”

“Always the charmer, huh?” I mutter quietly, earning a small laugh from Eld. “And if you have t’know, I’m just happy we’re one step closer to going outside the walls…” I smile to myself, imagining the places Armin used to talk about. Fire water, ice hills, saltwater that goes on for so long even the merchants couldn’t drain all the salt from it.

I think that’ll be my favorite. ‘Sea’.

Oluo scoffs again. “Bright-eyed, suicidal recruit… Just don’t get someone else killed, will ya?”

“What the hell’s that supposed t’mean?” I snap back.

Oluo smiles crookedly, realisation splitting his face like a piece of china. “Struck a nerve, huh?,” he laughs, “Better get rid of those if you wanna make it.”

“Bold talk for someone that’s too insecure to keep his own personality,” I mutter, rolling my eyes. I turn my attention back to Eld- who’s gone awfully quiet as the two of us went at it. A blush is back on his cheeks and I can see him fidgeting with his gaze in an effort to mind his own business.

“...uhm…” He mumbles as his eyes catch someone walking behind me. “This is Petra!” Eld blurts, tugging a woman by the arm. “The one that checked on you when you were, uh… asleep.”

“In a coma, more like,” I laugh, dipping my head to the woman. She has ginger hair cut just above her shoulders and soft, kind eyes. There’s something about her that reminds me so much of a deer for some reason.

Petra’s eyes suddenly light up as she looks over me again. “I remember you- you’re __________! I didn’t know you had your heart set on the Scouts. Which is surprising… considering how much Eld talks about you.”

Eld’s face goes even redder. He stands rigidly, eyes fixated on the horizon.

...I think he just went into shock.

“Well, thank you,” I hum, giving Petra another smile. “For checking in on me.”

Petra shakes her head, “It wasn’t any issue at all.”

I dip my head again and lightly punch Eld’s shoulder. “Hopefully you told her the story of how I kicked your and Oluo’s asses.”

Petra tilts her head slightly to the side before a wicked smile crosses her lips. “...I don’t think I’ve heard that one, __________. Please, tell me.”

“Well, I was walking down an alleyway when-”

“That’s good!” Eld suddenly yelps, “Thank you so much, __________, for stopping by, but the Captain’s calling us!”

Petra giggles as Eld walks behind her, pushing her by the shoulders. Captain Shortstack Jackass is watching them with his arms crossed over his chest, eyebrows furrowed. He very obviously didn’t call either of them. “You’ll have to tell me when we get back!” Petra calls.

“Of course!” I laugh, watching as Eld goes even redder. Petra waves over his shoulder and I do the same before mounting my horse. I give his neck a gentle pat and urge him forward- back towards the stable.

“You... need a name, Horse,” I mutter as we trot past the various wagons and other Scouts getting their horses and gear ready. “All horses have names… I guess.”

Horse huffs at me.

“Well… you’re…” I look down at his coat as we start to pick up speed. It shimmers in the sunlight, revealing the faint speckles of black and grey under his cream-colored coat. “You’re cream and you’ve got freckles. And last I checked, you have grey-” Horse looks over slightly at me, light-brown eyes glistening. “Sorry… brown eyes. And black mane and tail.”

My eyes flick up, locking onto the figure standing just a few feet in front of my horse. Gripping the reins, I tug back to stop Horse from trampling whoever is in front of me. Instead, I feel myself being shot forward and colliding with the ground. Pain shoots out from my arm, branching out in heated flashes.

I roll onto my back and stare up at the clouds as they lazily float by. “Gods…” I mutter to myself, “That sucked.”

“Told you I’m better at handling horses than you.”

I sit straight up. My head on a swivel, I look around for the voice. It sounded just like… It couldn’t have been- no. No, I’m just-

My eyes land on him. Standing just a couple feet away, with a green Scouts cape on over his shoulders and ODM gear strapped on. He laughs, walking closer and shaking his head. “Jeez, __________, you’ll really get yourself killed if you keep trying to keep up with me.”

“Freckles?” I whisper.

Marco smiles and laughs again, “Really hit your head hard, didn’t you?”

“Freckles?” I whisper again, reaching out to touch him.

This isn’t real. It can’t be real. He’s dead. Bit in half. Died alone. Left in the sun to rot for days. He’s dead.

“Ah, jeez, you really did hit your head hard,” Marco mumbles, crouching down beside me. “We gotta get you to Sasha. She’s got some experience with injuries, doesn’t she…? And I won’t even tell Reiner! It’ll just be between us, okay?” He asks, worriedly scanning my face.

“Freckles, you… You… You aren’t here.”

“What are ya talkin’ about? I’m right here, remember? We were practicing horseback riding and maneuvering. Don’t you remember the bet we had?”

Wait a moment.

This was real.

This… this happened already, why am I…?

“...it was my haul from the Commandant’s office,” I whisper, “The… the fountain pen. You’d… you’d take it if I couldn’t pull off a sharp turn and activate my ODM gear while jumping off my horse.”

Tears start to cloud my vision as I stare up at him. “You aren’t really here,” I croak, “Are you?”

Marco shakes his head.

“...I miss you, Freckles,” I smile, tears slipping down my face as I look up at him. My hand brushes through his cheek- like he was a colored mist- but his smile remains. “Gods, I miss you.”

“You’ll see us again.”

I nod, feeling my tears start down the sides of my face. “...tell Franz and Hanna I said ‘hi’.”

“I will.”

“And you… you stay outta trouble, you hear me?” I laugh, tears choking me at the base of my chest.

“You’re the one that needs to stay outta trouble.”

I nod and laugh again, shaking my head.

“...take… take care’a the others for me, will you?” I nod silently. Marco looks up as Horse trots closer. “It’s time for me to go. Just… close your eyes, okay?”

My eyes slide closed before voices start to swarm around me. Bleeding into one another, it makes it so damned hard to hear what anyone is actually saying. All I can do is feel.

And someone’s got me by the shoulders, shaking me pretty damned hard.

I open my eyes to see familiar faces. “...I’ve got to stop waking up to you guys looking down at me like I’ve died.”

The four of them sigh.

“If you die because of a stupid horse incident, I’ll never forgive you,” Jean mutters, getting to his feet and walking away. I can hear him muttering about ‘how stupid’ of a funeral that would be.

“What?” I laugh, wincing at the pain shooting from above my left eye. My fingers graze the spot- only to pull away with a scarlet coloring.

Ah, shit.

“So,” Reiner grumbles, scooping me off the ground effortlessly. “You and your horse have a bit of an issue?”

I scoff, curling into myself as my head starts to pound.

“No?” He asks as we walk towards the castle. “Then what the Hell kind of stunt were you tryin’a pull?”

“I-,” I stop and groan, clutching my temples as they begin to sear. “I… I thought… I thought I saw someone.”

Reiner looks down at me as he pushes the castle door open with his back. Eyebrows furrowed, eyes flicking over every inch of me. It’s the same damn look as every other time I’ve gotten hurt. Which… arguably… is a lot of times.

The ODM incident where I almost cracked my skull open on a tree branch.

The time I slipped and fell in the bathroom.

The sparring training where I cracked three of my ribs. And my arm. And dislocated my shoulder. All because I wouldn’t yield.

The rooftop.

The grocery store.

Various little minor accidents scattered throughout.

And now this.

We round the corner and he places me onto a bed. I watch as he runs a hand down my face and sticks his head out the hallway to look around before returning to my side. Reiner sighs. “What am I gonna do with you?”

“Love me,” I hum, closing my eyes slightly as the pain throbs and squirms beneath my skin. “Unconditionally.”

“Gods,” he mutters, scooting closer. “I probably will.”

“Probably?” I ask quietly. “Not ‘most definitely’?”

A deep sigh passes his lips. It rumbles in his chest like thunder. Calming, soothing, gentle thunder. Memories of the forest running to find shelter as another storm took us by surprise. Bare feet padding the grass. Clothes sticking to our skins. Hair plastered to our faces- much like our smiles. Wiping her face as she ducks behind my arm. Telling her that the forest was telling the sky a joke, that the thunder was the sky’s laughter. Watching her peek out to watch the forest and sky talk, laughing as she swears she heard the punchline.

Does she remember what it was like to not be afraid?

“Hey,” Rei mutters, shaking my arm slightly. “Don’t go to sleep on me yet.”

“...sorry,” I mumble, opening my eyes and letting them glide to his spot beside me. “Where is she-”

The door slams open. Sasha- with eyes wide and clutching medical supplies to her chest- pants in the doorway. “Did I make it?” She asks wearily.

“Did…,” I trail off, sitting up to look at her. “Did you think I died?”

Sasha shakes her head, kicking the door closed just as Connie and Jean try to walk in behind her. “No,” she mutters. Plopping down beside me, she looks over me. “Just thought maybe you’d passed out.”

“Check my eyes,” I remind her. Sasha nods and leans in, forcing open my eyes with her fingers.

“...your eye-holes seem to be fine.”

“...my pupils?”

“Eye-holes. Same thing.”

I know Sasha’s joking but by the look on Reiner’s face, he does not.

“She’s only kidding, love,” I whisper as I take his hand. “She knows the basics.”

“Yep,” Sasha agrees, digging through the pile of medical supplies she brought in. “And you don’t have a concussion- and that thing on your head doesn’t need stitches- it should heal in a week or so... so you’re good to go after I clean it… ha!” She snatches a bottle of saline and a bandage. “You’ll be all good in no time, __________. Trust me.”

I’m the one that taught her. Why don’t I trust her?

“You awake?”

I focus back in on the now. The present. My surroundings.

Scattered trees and hills to the right. Denser trees on my left. Two horses trailing behind me. No flares from either direction. Reiner just in front of me.

“Always am.”

“Good.” He starts to pull back on his horse, levelling off with me. “How’s your head?”

Instinctively, I reach up and graze the bandage. “I don’t feel anything.”

“Good.”

“...are you okay?” I ask, looking over at him. His skin is pale and flushed pink with a slight tinge to his ears. “Here. Drink some.” Unbuckling my flask, I hand it to him.

...and he downs the entire thing before handing it back to me.

“Rei, are you sick?”

“No, I just-”

“Well, love, you look like you’re either about to shit yourself or vomit,” I laugh worriedly, “Are you sure?”

“__________, listen, I…,” he sighs and looks away. He’s even more red now.

I nudge him with my elbow. “I’m listening.” I smirk, stirrupping Horse again. My eyes turn to the horizon, scanning for any flares or anything that approaches us.

Reiner returns my smile and sighs shakily. “I wanna-”

Something appears in the distance. “What is that?” I mumble, staring at the thing. “Do you see it?” I point. “That.”

Reiner looks at the thing, squinting. “I… I can’t tell.”

“Should we fire a flare off?” I ask, reaching to my saddlebag. “Just in case?”

“Just… hang on-”

He stops just as the thing changes form, moving closer towards us and faster.

It takes shape as it grows. Fourteen meters, blonde hair.

Female body type.

My hands move on their own- throwing the canister into the gun, lifting it straight up, and firing. Red smoke fires out from the gun into the clouds. “Rei, we have to move!” I yell, turning the horses in towards the center of the formation.

I look over my shoulder, watching the two horses trail after Reiner. He stays going forward, heading right for it with glazed eyes. “Reiner!”

My eyes follow his gaze as I bring Horse to a stop. They land on the Female Titan, who snatches something from mid-air and dropkicks it. Blood trails after the broken body and I watch ODM wires disconnect from the Female Titan’s body- following the body.

It’s… is it like Eren? A person inside it?

“Reiner!” I scream again.

It gets his attention. Snapping out of his daze, Reiner makes a sharp turn.

As he gets closer, I press my heels into Horse’s sides. “Ha!”

Footsteps follow after us, thundering and quivering the very organs inside of me. My breath catches in my lungs as I feel it- her- getting closer. Gods. Gods, please. Not like this. Not like this. Not like this. Not like this.

Something flashes at my side. With trembling force, a foot lands beside me- crushing one of the horses before it could even make a sound.

We’re going to die. Right now, we are going to die.

I wince, waiting for her to reach down and crush me in her hand. Reiner yells something but it’s lost in the frantic whinnies of our horses, the pounding of my heart, the panting of my lungs. When it reaches me, it’s blurred together like the colors in my eyes.

‘I’ve gotten hurt’ is what it sounds like.

Gods, please. Spare us.

My fists clutch the reins as I look up. Blonde hair, blue eyes, fourteen meters. This is what will kill me.

The Female Titan’s other foot collides with the earth beside me. All at once, sounds and colors and shapes retract into their determined forms. Everything flushes back into focus as the Female Titan takes another step away from us. I watch as she continues sprinting towards the center- leaving us in her wake. Her head turns to look over her shoulder before she presses forward.

Right to Armin.

“Rei!” I yell, sticking Horse again. “She’s gonna hit Armin! She’s headed right for him!”

“C’mon!” He yells back, appearing at my side.

“This is the job we chose, right?” Jean snaps, “So lend me a hand!”

The rest of us are silent. Only hoofbeats and footsteps resound around us. Silently, Armin pulls his hood up over his head. “...pull your hoods up. Over your heads- far down enough so she can’t see your face.”

“You’re thinking she won’t kill anyone that could be Eren,” Reiner mutters, tugging his hood up over his head. “...that’s a nice, but small, consolation… Let’s hope she has bad eyes, too.”

Jean shakes his head, laughing. “I was always creeped out the way you used to hang around Eren so much,” he mutters as he pulls his hood up. “But I always knew you were capable.”

“...‘creeped out’ is a little harsh but thanks,” Armin mumbles.

Feeling the three pairs of eyes on me, I tug my hood up as well. “...I always knew I’d die next to you three bastards.”

“Well. If we don’t,” Reiner chuckles, “We’ll throw a big party ‘nd get married.”

“Oh yeah,” I scoff, pulling my swords out from their holsters. “We’ll have a big ol’ buffet ‘nd everything. I’ll even have a live band play for us.”

“You two lovebirds over there still squawking?” Jean barks, leaning forward to glare at us.

“Will you shut up for a minute?” Reiner shoots back, “I’m… Kinda doin’ something.”

“You can ‘kinda do something’ after this!” Jean yells, “We’re not dying today.”

“Fine!” I snap, “I’m not spending my last moments fighting with you two morons! Let’s just do this. Delay her as long as we can- by any means necessary. Got it?!”

The three grunt in agreement. “Jean, go to her left,” Reiner starts, “Armin, you go to her right. __________, you-”

“I’m going with Armin!” I whip my reins and follow after Armin as he heads to the Female Titan’s right hand side.

We level off just behind her. “She’s much slower than when she attacked me!” Armin comments, “If we’re going to do this, it has to be now!”

“Wait for Jean!” I yell, “He’s the best out of us with ODM gear. If he can get a good angle on her, it’ll be us being his support!”

A flash shoots out, launching into the Female Titan’s leg. Jean flies in behind it with his swords readied. The Titan crouches down and spins- flinging Jean. Armin and I get to our feet and stand on our horses’ backs. As my wires stick into the Female Titan’s leg, I give Horse a tap of my heel that sends him running away from the Titan.

Something swipes just under my legs. Everything around me slows as I watch the Titan’s hand bat Armin’s horse out from underneath him. His name leaves my lips the same way it did when Shiganshina fell. Breathless. Screeching. Desperate. “Armin!”

“__________!” Reiner’s voice carries out over my own.

Before I can do anything, I feel something crack against my back. I’m pushed forward- colliding with the earth and rolling for a few feet. Landing on my back, I stare up in a daze at the clouds.

Aching pain crawls through my veins- igniting my muscles in throbbing, squeezing pain. My back arches as I take long, hard breaths to stop my heart from pounding in my ears. It does nothing but amplify the sound as I feel my lungs burn and the cages around them scream in agony.

Broken ribs. At least a few on each side.

Certain slices and patches of my skin burn from the contact with the ground. Minor scratches, bruises, friction burns.

I’ll live. If she doesn’t finish me off.

Time begins to speed up again- her footsteps not taking so long to hit the ground as they get closer. Clouds seem to flurry past and my heartbeat begins to race once more.

The fight isn’t done yet.

I push myself to my feet, feeling every ache, every pain, every burn a million times over.

The fight isn’t done yet.

I’m not done yet.

The Female Titan tightens her fist, preparing to swing backwards at Jean. Breaking out into a sprint, I click my triggers and shoot my wires into the ground, allowing me to run faster. A blur of gold and green starts towards the Titan as I do- catching me attention so I stutter and stop.

Reiner.

Teeth gritted, eyes blazing, blades glinting. He’s going for her nape.

Armin’s yelling something. The Titan stays completely still as he continues screaming.

And then she snaps.

She catches Reiner’s body in her hand.

My heart stops. Blood stops. Lungs stop.

Everything.

Stops.

“...no.”

Chills run down my spine- dull and weak. Nothing like adrenaline.

Fear.

“No… no.”

I shake my head, watching as Reiner’s body disappears in her grasp.

Someone grabs my waist, tugs me away. “No!” I scream, thrashing around as everything starts to move again. “No!”

“__________!” Jean yells, pulling me away. “We have to go!”

A blur of metal spins out from her grip, severing her fingers off from the base of her palm. Reiner pushes out and around her back. Grabbing Armin, he sprints away from her and towards us.

The four of us break out into a sprint as she stares down at her palm. She gets to her feet and runs away from us- her hand still steaming.

Something breaks inside of me. Tears start running down my face as Reiner sidles up next to me. Armin- bleeding from his forehead- is in his arms. Titan blood evaporates off of Reiner’s hair and shoulders as he looks down at me. “We’ll be okay! She won’t eat us unless she’s a cannibal! We-”

I cut him off, punching his shoulder as hard as I can. “Don’t you ever pull that shit again, Reiner Braun!” I snap, furiously wiping the tears rolling down my face. “I swear on the walls, I… I will kill you myself if you do, do you hear me?! You scared the shit outta me! I… I thought I lost you.”

Reiner laughs breathlessly. “I told you, darling. We haven’t gotten married, yet. I can’t die until that happens.”

“We aren’t leaving anyone behind,” I snap, tightening Armin’s bandages. “None of that, you hear me?”

“We might not have a choice,” Armin mutters, “If we all stay behind, we might all-”

“I said no!”

The three of us go silent as Jean continues whistling for his horse.

But the question still hangs in the air.

Who’s going to stay behind?

There’s only one horse- there’s four of us. If somehow one of us gets our horse back, we’ll be able to get out of here but until then… We’re stranded in Titan country without a means of escape.

“We have to talk about it,” Reiner says quietly.

“No,” I get to my feet and shake my head. “No. We don’t.”

“__________-”

I hold up a hand to stop him, “Don’t.” Turning to Jean, I gesture to his bag. “You have an emergency flare, yeah?”

Jean nods and gets it out, loading it into his gun. Shooting it into the sky, purple smoke trails up from our location.

It’s a long shot, but they might get the message.

“We can wait three more minutes,” Reiner says firmly. “During then, we’ll decide who’s gonna-”

“I’ll stay.” My head snaps to Armin. “Just get a message to the command section- to Commander Erwin, if you can.”

“I’m staying, too, then.”

“__________, no-” Reiner starts.

“I don’t want to hear it, Rei,” I mumble, “Please. I don’t… I don’t want to hear it but look. We’re both injured. Armin’s got a possible concussion and he’s bleeding. I’ve broken half a dozen ribs and I’ve got more bruises than I know what to do with. If anyone’s staying it’s-”

“Neither of you,” Jean laughs, “Someone’s coming this way with three horses.” The three of us look over to him as he shades his face from the sun. “I think it’s… It looks like… Christa!”

“Guys!” Christa’s dainty voice rings out as she approaches, “Are you okay?!”

I huff a laugh, “Define ‘okay’, blondie!”

“If __________’s still cracking jokes, she’s still alive, right?” Christa laughs, coming to a stop just in front of us. The three horses surrounding her skid to a stop.

Horse trots up to me, nudging me with his nose. “Hey there, Horse,” I mutter, pressing my head against his. “Ya miss me?”

“What happened to you guys?” Christa asks as she looks over me. “You look awful.”

“Aw, gee, thanks, blondie,” I giggle, “I feel awful.”

Christa’s soft face tightens slightly in concern. “...you’re sure you’ll be okay riding alone? Your horse… I dunno his name… but he seems to run alongside me pretty well- even without a harness.”

“Yeah, that’s him, alright,” I mumble, rubbing Horse’s nose. “But I think I’ll be alright.”

“...I’m with Christa,” Jean says warily, “You broke six ribs.”

“What?!” Christa screeches. “Six?! No, ma’am! You’re riding with me or with Jean! Six ribs- what were you thinking?!”

I shrug. “I’ve done worse.”

“Worse?!”

Oops. Shouldn’t have said that.

Christa sighs, pinching her eyes closed. “Fine. The past is the past. I can’t change it. But you- right now- are going to ride with Jean or me. Pick one.”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” I mumble with a smirk. “I’ll ride with you. Give the boys a little show, how ‘bout that?”

Christa turns a light shade of pink as Reiner helps me sit on top of Christa’s horse. “You behave,” Reiner mutters with a stern look.

But I can see it.

A little mischievous smirk plays his lips as he pulls away.

“Yes sir,” I coo, “I’ll be on my best behaviour.”

The four of us start off towards the center. “What’s your horse’s name?” Christa asks. “He really seems to like you. Before, I couldn’t get him to hold still- then, when I said your name, he calmed down and followed us perfectly fine.”

“...I just call him Horse.”

“...oh…”

I sigh and turn around to watch as Horse gallops. Cream-colored coat hiding thick muscles that twitch and writhe. Dots- freckles- that spatter his coat. His black mane whips about in the wind.

“Freckles,” I say quietly.

“What?”

“Freckles. That’s his name.”

I groan, letting my head fall back as my legs swing off the tree branch. “Rei, we’ve been sitting here for hours and you haven’t said a word to me,” my lip juts out in a pout, “Please talk to me.”

Reiner grumbles under his breath. His arms cross over his chest as he sits on the farest end of the tree branch away from me.

“Baby,” I whine, “you aren’t still mad at me for-”

“Yes, I’m still mad at you for being a tease. And we’ve been out here an hour. Hour and a half, tops.”

“Tch,” I groan again, “Baby, it was just a joke. I didn’t mean to drop my ring.” I hold my hand out in the sun to look at my moonstone ring as it glistens. “It wasn’t on purpose.”

“...you dropped it three times before we got up here.”

“I would never do anything to tease you.” Reiner raises an eyebrow and I roll my eyes. “On a mission.”

Rei’s shoulders lose some of their tension. “...you really didn’t mean to?”

“Of course not, baby,” I coo softly. “Not on a mission.”

Reiner sighs and rolls his eyes before getting to his feet. Wordlessly, he plops down beside me and lays his hand over mine on the branch. “You only call me ‘baby’ when you’re guilty,” he murmurs into the shell of my ear. “...so I forgive you.”

“Oh good, you caught on,” I tease, nudging him with my elbow.

“Easy, there, girl,” he huffs, “you’re still on thin ice.”

“You can’t stay mad at me,” I turn to face him and flash him a face-splitting smile. “I’m your darling.”

“...you’re right,” Rei laughs softly. “I could never.”

The two of us fall into a comfortable- buzzing with adrenaline but still comfortable- silence. I lean forward to look at the Titans gathered at the base of our tree, clawing and gripping the bark in an attempt to get to us. Hungrily, they salivate and stare up at us with glazed eyes.

The Female Titan. Why is she doing what she was? If she’s human, wouldn’t she want the walls to remain? They keep us safe for the time being. The outside world isn’t ready for us to break down our walls. And if she does want the walls gone, why?

And who is she?

“...are you listening?”

“Hm?” I ask, leaning back. “No, I’m sorry, I was just…,” my eyes flick down to the Titans, “...lost in thought.”

“I was just asking how your sides are.”

My fingers rub against my sides. They aren’t sore, they don’t hurt. I’ve always healed fast but knowing how long it’s supposed to take to heal sometimes, it’s… a little disconcerting. “I don’t feel anything.”

“...you’re better already?”

I shrug, “It could just be adrenaline. Or maybe they weren’t as badly broken as we thought they were. Bruising and breaks are really similar…”

Reiner hums in acknowledgment. “As long as you feel okay. When we get back, I’m still getting you checked out.”

“Yes sir.”

I lean over the side of the branch to see the Titans again. “It’s strange that we weren’t directed around the forest.” I comment quietly, leaning over more before my ODM wire locks into place.

“...Iyeah,” Reiner mutters, “Why wouldn’t we just go around?”

“I dunno,” I strain, slightly jiggling the wire a bit. “But do you think it was on purpose?”

“It’s Commander Erwin,” Rei chuckles, “Of course it was.”

“That’s true… I just… It’s so hard for us to see threats coming in,” I grip the wire and tug harder. “So why send them in?”

“Assuming he knows of the right flank casualties, we should’ve retreated a long time ago,” he mutters, “But we’re here and the center flank is somewhere in the trees.”

“Which is also weird, right?” I ask, yanking on the wire even harder. “I mean, if we are gonna go in, why not-”

The wire snaps out of the branch. The force of me pulling sends me over the edge of the branch. I watch as the wire extends rapidly- reeling me down towards the Titans’ grasps. Reiner runs to the end, reaching out to grab my hand.

But it’s too late.

A hand wraps around my body and pulls, unlatching my ODM wire from the tree. It starts to tighten as it turns me around to face it. My eyes lock onto it and I scream, thrashing around wildly. My arms are pinned in its hold- trapped against the steel of my ODM blade holsters and the clammy flesh wrapped around me.

Another Titan stares at me hungrily. As I look at it, red light starts to pour from its eyes like fog. Without warning, it lunges. I wince and duck away- waiting to be engulfed in moist darkness.

It doesn’t come. It’s replaced with an unearthly howl of pain and the sound of tearing flesh.

The grip around me falls away and as I’m spun in a free-fall, I catch glimpses of the scene above me. Red fog pours from the Titans’ eyes as they all latch onto the Titan that grabbed me. Bite by bite, they tear into the searing flesh of the Titan and devour the steaming chunks of bleeding meat.

They’re… eating it.

The red fog.

It was real.

My body stops, swinging up before I hit the forest floor. As we land on another branch, Reiner hugs me to his body tightly. “You scared the shit out of me,” he says raggedly. I feel tears drip onto my shoulder. But I don’t look at him- even as he pulls away, gripping my shoulders.

My eyes are focused on the fog swirling through the bodies of the Titans.

What the Hell is it?

Why does it keep following me?

Why does it keep saving me?

“...__________!”

I’m pulled back into my body- away from the grasping hands of the Titans that force muscles and tendons and organs down their throats. Blankly, I stare at Reiner. “What happened?” he asks quietly, looking over his shoulder at the Titans. “Are you-”

A scream rips out of my throat as I look down at my hands. My fingers start to rake through my skin, clawing for the source of the red fog.

Get it out.

Get. It. Out.

Reiner’s hands fumble with mine as they try to stop me from continuing the hurried slicing of my skin. “Darling, darling,” he says calmly as he grabs my wrists, “Darling, hey, look at me. Look at me.”

Wildly, my eyes fly around my surroundings.

Get it out. Red fog. Red fog. I have to get it out. I have to find it.

Red fog. I have to get it out.

Red fog.

“__________!” Reiner snaps, shaking me by my wrists, “Look at me!”

My gaze settles on him but I can feel myself twitching and writhing in place.

Red fog.

Get it out. I have to get it out.

“...you’re okay,” he mumurs, “You’re okay now, okay, darling? You’re safe.”

Tears burst from my eyes, leaking down my face as I roll my hands around from my wrists. Trembling violently, my body falls to the floor. Reiner catches me before I fall, scooping me up under my arms and holding me to him.

“There’s something... inside of me,” I strain, keeping down the screams wanting to claw their way out. My nails rake his back- threatening to rip through the fabric. “There is... something inside of me, Rei. I don’t know what it is. And I’m so scared, Rei. I just… I don’t… I don’t understand it. I… I don’t know... what it is. There’s… There’s something inside of me, Reiner, please! Please, Rei! Take it out! Get it out of me!”

WHEW

a doozy like i said. if you made it this far, i am so proud of you. my short attention span could literally never. as always thank you so much for reading and i hope to hear your thoughts and comments!

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fanmoose12 · 4 years

Text

Erwin was his King, and Levi was his knight. He was his most trusted soldier and his most loyal subject. Levi took an oath, swearing his life and soul in servitude to his King.

His heart, unfortunately, belonged only to a Queen.

“Are you serious?” Levi hisses, staring at Erwin and not believing his ears. “Have you really chosen her? Out of a dozen other candidates?”

“My decision is final,” Erwin calmly replies. “Lady Hange of House Zoe will become my wife and our Queen.”

“You’ve gone mad,” Levi sighs, knowing it is futile to try and change Erwin’s mind. “That woman could never become a Queen. She doesn’t seem to know what etiquette is and she has no manners whatsoever! She wore man’s clothes to a ball, for god’s sake!”

“My decision is final,” Erwin repeats in a more commanding voice, getting tired of Levi’s theatrics. “Lady Hange is kind and sympathetic, and she is insanely smart. She will make a great Queen.”

“Are we talking about the same woman? Lady Hange I’ve seen is a complete lunatic with more than a few screws loose.”

“Oi!” suddenly a voice appears from another room. Levi freezes in his place, immediately recognizing that deep contralto. “It’s not nice to talk like that about future Queen.”

Erwin chuckles warmly in his seat, and Levi slowly turns around.

Just as he expected, Lady Hange walks into the room, her loyal knight trudging after her, as always.

Levi already opens his mouth to apologize, even though he feels no inclination towards that woman, he spoke about her with utmost disrespect. Even if she wasn’t a future Queen, she still remains a part of the nobility, and Levi, a street rat with no family name, just offended her.

However, Lady Hange doesn’t seem to be mad. Where any other noble woman would immediately begin screaming, demanding Erwin to behead him right here and right now, Lady Hange just smiles, her eyes sparkling with amusement behind the lenses of her glasses.

“I take no offence at your words,” Hange reassures him. “Actually no one has ever talked about me like that. Especially to my face. It feels so refreshing, right, Moblit?” she turns to her knight, and the man just nods, obviously accustomed to his Lady’s eccentric behavior.

“I should probably introduce myself once more,” Hange curtsies in front of him, and Levi curses under his breath upon seeing how clumsily she does it. “Since I didn’t seem to make much of an impression on you the first time,” she winks at him, smirking, and Levi’s cheeks start to redden.

He remembers their first meeting all too well.

Lady Hange just returned from a hunt with other nobles. She tried to introduce herself to Levi, outstretching her hand to him. And Levi, looking at her hand, which had dirt on it, refused to touch her. He ignored her completely, turning around and walking away from her.

Well, he couldn’t have known that Erwin would decide to make her his Queen, could he?

But now Levi has to repent for his mistake.

So he stands on one knee, taking Hange’s hand in his.

“I deeply apologize for my foul mouth and my improper behavior,” Levi closes his eyes, glad that due to his kneeling position neither Hange, nor Erwin can see his face. They can’t see how annoyed he truly looks and how fiercely he glares at Lady Hange beneath his fringe. “I hope milady would find it in her heart to forgive me.”

Levi hopes she will actually buy his lie.

Hange doesn’t. Instead, she starts laughing, loudly and definitely unladylike.

Levi snaps his gaze to look at her.

“You are a terrible liar, Sir Levi,” she tells, when she finishes laughing. “But as I said, you do not need to apologize. I harbor no ill feelings towards you.”

“I told you she is a very kind woman,” Erwin smirks, as he comes to stand beside Hange.

Levi swiftly lets go of Hange’s hand and gets to his feet. His face still burns in embarrassment.

“And I called you here not just to announce my engagement,” Erwin’s face becomes serious, all signs of mirth and amusement gone, as he is once again wearing a mask of a King. “I need you to look after Lady Hange, at least until our wedding and her coronation. Some people from the court may not welcome my decision, and they may try to harm Lady Hange. You cannot let that happen, Levi.”

“Your Majesty!” Hange’s knight, Sir Moblit, calls. “I am more than capable of looking after my Lady!” he then turns his gaze to Levi, furrowing his eyebrows and staring at him with distrust.

“I’m sure you are,” Erwin smiles at the man. “But Sir Levi is one of my most trusted man, and I would feel much calmer if he looked over Lady Hange,” Erwin turns to look at Levi, staring at him intently. “I entrust you with my future wife’s life and safety, Levi. Do not let me down.”

“Of course,” Levi nods readily. Whatever he feels for Hange and how much the woman irritates him, it does not really matter. Erwin, his King, gave Levi an order. And Levi will do anything and more to accomplish this task. “As long as Lady Hange is beside me, no harm will ever come her way.”

Before Levi walks out of the room, dutifully following after Hange, Erwin gives him another look. And Levi understands its meaning without explanation. There is more to Erwin’s order than he said out loud. There is something else that troubles him. Erwin doesn’t trust his fiancé as much as he has said, so now it is Levi’s task to make sure that Lady Hange is just as kind and trustworthy as she appears.

***

“You have to eat, Lady Hange,” Moblit practically pleads, hovering over her.

Hange doesn’t even look at him, waving her hand in his general direction. “Mm, of course, I’ll do just that as soon as I finish this book.”

Levi quietly tsks. He has spent an entire week, following Hange. And that exact same scene repeats every single day.

He had enough of it.

So he grabs a chair and sits next to Hange. “He’s right, you know. You do need to eat. And a bath.”

That’s finally gets Hange’s attention. She turns around, grinning. “Are you saying I smell?”

“I’m saying you reek, Your Majesty.”

Hange doesn’t seem bothered by his rude words. On the contrary, the grin on her face widens. “I’ve told you, you don’t need to call me by my title. I mean, you call Erwin by his name, right?”

Levi’s eyes widen. Had he slipped in front of her? He does call Erwin by his name, but never in front of other people.

Hange’s grin turns into a soft smile, as she sees his troubled expression. “You didn’t do it in my presence,” she assures him. “I just guessed it, don’t worry.”

She’s insanely smart, Erwin’s voice rings inside his head. Of course, how he could forget it.

Still, her knowing gaze disturbs him, so Levi decides to change the topic. “Your knight calls you Lady Hange.”

“She’s a member of a noble family!” Moblit exclaims, scandalized. “I can’t just call her by her name!”

Levi shrugs. “I can.”

Hange nods approvingly, and then returns to her book. She thinks their conversation is over. Levi has a different opinion.

“You still need to take a bath.”

“Sure, as soon as I finish this.”

She doesn’t lift her eyes from that book. Levi starts to get angry.

“Hange, bath. Now.” he says lowly, getting to his feet and looming over her. “This is your last warning.”

“Of course,” she replies. Not even a glance in his direction.

Well, he did warn her, right?

“Levi!” Hange shrieks, as he lifts her from the chair and tosses over his shoulder, as though she’s a sack of potatoes, and not a future Queen. “Let me down! Immediately!”

“I’ll let you down, don’t worry. When we’ll get to your chambers.”

“Levi! This is preposterous! You can’t do that to me!”

“And what are you going to do?” Levi lazily inquires, as he starts walking out of the library. “Behead me? Hang? Dismember?”

Hange huffs, crossing hands on her chest. Levi, that fucker, knows that she won’t do any of those things. The rascal got too comfortable around her. Hange fumes, thinking of a way to get out of this ridiculous situation. She really needs to finish that book.

She has seen Levi train, he is strong, so there is no way she can fight him alone. Her eyes land on Moblit, who is walking behind them.

“Moblit!” she outstretches her arms towards him. “My faithful knight! Save me from this vile man!”

Moblit instantly looks away. “I’m s-sorry, Lady Hange,” he stutters, scratching his neck. Hange really, really doesn’t like the nervous look on his face. “But you do need to rest.”

“I can’t believe it!” Hange screams. “You are in cahoots with him! My knight, my most loyal man has betrayed me!”

“For the love of gods, stop shouting,” Levi admonishes with a tired sigh. “No one has betrayed you. We’re doing this for your own goddamn sake.”

“Nifa drew you a bath, milady,” Moblit says with a sweet smile. “And I’ll bring you food.”

“And if you’ll be a good girl and do, as we say,” Levi adds. “I’ll even bring your stupid book.”

“Fine,” Hange agrees. There is nothing she can do about it, after all. She is outnumbered. “But you’ll bring me all the books I ask.”

Levi rolls his eyes. “Whatever it takes to make you clean.”

***

As Levi spends more time around Hange, he learns that the most annoying thing about her isn't her over-friendliness, unbelievable messiness or even her apparent disrespect for court's rules. No, it's the fact that she doesn't seem to know what peace is.

She is always running around, rushing from one task to another, taking no breaks and stopping not even for a second.

As he follows after her, getting to know her better, Levi now sees why Erwin has chosen her. Hard-working, diligent and borderline obsessed with her duties, she seems like a more cheerful version of Erwin himself.

She is also smart. It's hard not to notice, especially since Levi spends literal days by her side, sitting with her in the library and watching her devour book after book. She is intelligent and is not afraid to show it. As he listens to Hange trade ideas with the best scholars of their kingdom, Levi starts suspecting that she's smarter than even Erwin.

But there are others sides to her character, the ones that amaze Levi even more.

Hange is kind, Erwin wasn't wrong about it. But he forgot to mention exactly how kind she is.

Hange comes to town frequently, and there she buys fresh bread for beggars and sweets for children. She visits orphanages, bringing toys and books with her. She sits with children in a circle, reading to them, or she helps with their studies, or she runs with them in the fields, as though she is just a simple woman like them, and not the future Queen.

The more Levi watches her, the more apparent it becomes to him just how right Erwin was, when choosing Hange as his Queen.

She is smart and sharp, just like Erwin. But she is also kind, so very kind. And where Erwin cares only about a big picture, she sees all the tiny, but necessary details. Erwin has his goals, important, essential goals. He wants to improve their kingdom, to make it stronger and richer than before. But Hange cares about people, about simple, common people that Erwin so often forgets. But when she'll be sitting on that throne, right next to Erwin, she won't let him forget. She'll remind him what it means to be a King.

But there are other, less regal parts of Hange's personality.

Her sense of humour, for example.

Levi loathes to admit it, but she's the funniest goddamn person he has ever met.

She's sarcastic and cocky, and it’s near impossible to offend her. Whenever Levi slips and insults her, she doesn't reprimand him, doesn't remind him of his place. No, instead she accepts whatever insult he throws her away, and then gives him a much more vicious and cutting reply.

And it's.... It's invigorating. Levi could spend hours just bantering with her.

Hange constantly keeps him on his toes, always surprising Levi with the weirdest shit that comes out of her mouth, and he... He likes it. As annoying as Hange seems, Levi's genuinely enjoying himself when he's with her.

Hange is certainly one of a kind. Levi should have realized it earlier.

After all, Erwin doesn't make mistakes.

***

Two weeks later, Levi comes to Erwin’s study to tell him exactly that.

As always, Erwin is working, stacks of papers littering his giant desk.

“Hange is trustworthy,” Levi says, as he takes a seat across from Erwin. “You did not need to worry.”

Erwin raises a brow at Levi’s casual familiarity, but decides not to press it. “That’s not the only thing that made me worry.”

“You really think someone will try to harm her?” Levi asks, slightly taken aback.

“Hange isn’t very popular among other nobles.”

“You know something,” Levi realizes, narrowing his eyes.

“I suspect something,” Erwin corrects. “I don’t have any evidence.”

“Yet.”

“Yet,” Erwin agrees, his jaw set. Then he sighs and puts down his quill. “There is going to be a hunt before the wedding. It’s an important tradition,” Erwin emphases last words enough to let Levi know what exactly he thinks about it. “Nobles from the whole kingdom will be participating.”

“And you think someone will try to get rid of Hange there?”

Erwin nods, his face grave. “During the hunt, future husband and wife must chase their separate preys alone. And then whatever they catch, they share during the wedding’s feast. It symbolizes the promise to share everything.”

“That is stupid,” Levi huffs.

“It is,” Erwin agrees. “But it is a tradition, and whether I like it or not, I must follow it.”

“So Hange is going to be hunting alone…”

“Not exactly. As members of noble families, we are allowed to take two guardsmen with us. But even so, I’m afraid someone may use this opportunity. And that’s why I ask you to look after her.”

“Don’t you want me by your side?”

“No,” Erwin answers with a smile. “If anything happens, the others members of the royal guard will protect me.”

“Why don’t you give them to Hange?”

“I don’t trust them like I trust you.” Erwin replies, his blue eyes staring straight at Levi.

“Alright,” Levi sighs, refusing to let the weight of Erwin’s words drag him down. “I’ll protect her.”

“Thank you, Levi,” a smile returns to Erwin’s face.

Levi wants to get up and leave Erwin to his work. But there is something else he needs to tell him.

“I know you’re busy, and, gods my witness, Hange doesn’t stop working even for a second, but,” he begins, deliberately avoiding Erwin’s eyes. “Maybe, you should spend more time with your fiancé. If you keep ignoring her like that, she’ll get… lonely.”

Levi doesn’t understand how that thought appeared in his mind. But the fact remains that it did, and he has been thinking about it for a while now. Hange doesn’t seem depressed or sad, and especially she doesn’t look lonely, but… Erwin and Hange are going to marry. Levi knows that neither of them are doing it out of love, but Erwin is his friend, Levi cares about him and wants him to be happy. And Hange, as annoying as she is, is kind and compassionate. She deserves to be happy too.

“She won’t get lonely,” Erwin replies, his gaze returning to the papers on his desk. “Especially with you by her side.”

Levi doesn’t quite understand what Erwin means by his words, and Erwin refuses to look at him, already lost in his work. So Levi has no choice, but to quietly leave his study.

And as hard as he tries, Levi can’t seem to get those stupid words out of his mind.

***

In the morning of the hunt, Levi checks on his horse, while discreetly surveying his surroundings. Erwin was right, a lot of nobles gathered for this hunt. Most of them talk and laugh, while waiting for their servants to finish preparing the horses.

Almost none of them pay much attention to Hange.

She doesn’t seem to mind, as she chirpily discusses hunting dogs with Erwin and Lord Mike, one of Erwin’s closest allies. Levi cocks his head, taking a closer look at Mike, but, despite being twice as taller and twice as wider than Levi himself, the man doesn’t seem threatening or suspicious in any way.

Levi looks around the courtyard again. Some lords and ladies glance in Hange’s direction, as they whisper something to one another. He tries to remember their names, but is interrupted by a hand that claps his shoulder.

“Sir Levi,” Moblit slightly bows his head. “Are you ready for the hunt?”

“Almost,” Levi replies, tightening the reins of his hours. “Do you wish to discuss something?”

“Just a small warning,” Moblit chuckles. “Lady Hange is a very smart woman. She is wise too, but… not always.”

Levi quirks his eyebrow, silently asking Moblit to be more precise.

“When she gets excited… she can become a little bit careless,” he admits.

“Oh,” Levi breathes out. It isn’t exactly a surprise, but… “Thank you, Moblit. I’ll keep a more careful eye on her.”

“Shall we go then?”

Levi nods and together they make their way over to Hange.

As soon as they’re next to her, Hange turns around with a wide grin. “Ah, my two faithful knights!” she chuckles, wrapping her hands around Moblit and Levi’s shoulders. “My dear husband,” she winks at Erwin. “I’m now ready to start the hunt.”

“Your desire is my command,” Erwin answers with a charming smile.

Then he turns around, addressing the gathered nobles.

And so the hunt begins.

***

At first, everything is going smoothly. Levi, Moblit and Hange are riding slowly through the forest. Hange and Moblit are reminiscing about their days in Zoe’s estate, while Levi silently admires the scenery.

It’s peaceful. It’s quiet. Levi enjoys it.

The peace and quiet is unexpectedly destroyed, when Hange lets out a loud shriek. That’s all the warning Levi gets before Hange sends her horse into a gallop. He freezes for a second too long, just watching her disappear into the distance. It’s only when Moblit starts calling after her, as he speeds his own horse, that Levi finally snaps out of his daze.

“Shit,” Levi grunts, as he hurries after them. “A little bit careless my ass! When I get to that fucking idiot, I’ll kill her with my own hands.”

Levi strokes the horse’s nape, whispering soothing words into her ear and urging her to go faster. Where did four-eyes learn how to ride so fast? He can’t even see her. Worry starts to fill his mind, as Levi desperately tries to keep up with her. He promised Erwin, he can’t let him down.

He can’t lose Hange.

Levi strains his ears, trying to hear something else, except the beating of his heart and the sound of his horse’s hooves hitting the ground. He can’t hear anything, but then—then that silence is ripped apart by a panicked scream.

Levi recognizes Moblit’s voice and, for a second, his heart stops beating. The world seems to stop altogether, as he turns the corner and sees this terrifying scene.

Moblit is kneeling over someone’s body. No, not someone’s, it’s Hange, Hange’s body is lying prone on the ground.

In a daze, Levi gets off his horse and runs to them. He doesn’t realize what he’s doing, doesn’t really register his movements, until he’s kneeling next to Moblit, looking down at Hange’s face.

There is blood, oh gods, so much blood.

“What happened?” Levi asks in a raspy, desperate whisper.

“I d-don’t know,” Moblit isn’t feeling any better than him, his voice shaking and his hands trembling, as he tries to bring Hange back to consciousness. “I f-followed after Lady Hange, but I still was too far away. I’m not sure what really happened, but her horse got spooked by something and it threw her off. Lady Hange fell and the horse kicked her or, maybe, she hit her head against the rock, I d-didn’t get a good look.”

Moblit sounds like he’s ready to cry, so Levi lifts his hand and squeezes his shoulder. “I know that you’re scared and I know that you worry for her,” he locks his eyes with Moblit’s, making him listen. “But I need you. Hange needs you. Can you find Erwin? And get some help for her?”

“O-of course!” Moblit hurries to his feet. “I-I’ll try to be as swift as possible. Please, take care of her,” he says, before he gets on his horse and rides away.

Levi emits a deep sigh. Moblit will get Erwin, and Erwin will help Hange. Everything will be fine. All he needs to do is to sit tight and wait for the help to arrive.

He carefully lifts Hange and puts her head on his knees. He tries not to think about the blood on her face, or the unusual paleness and stillness of her features.

It is just a head wound, Levi reminds himself. He received a dozen like this, when he was training to become a knight. But somehow, Hange’s wounds seem worse, far more severe than any injuries Levi himself had ever received.

Does he feel so, because she’s a future Queen? Erwin’s fiancé? Or because she’s simply Hange, a woman Levi spent his past two weeks with? A cheerful and kind woman, whose smile is so bright, it lights up the whole room? Whose laughter always makes Levi feel just the tiniest bit better? Who doesn’t care if he’s a scumbag from the streets and considers him an equal despite their different upbringings?

Who is Hange for him? Levi can’t quite answer this question yet, but he knows one thing. He won’t let anyone harm her again. And if he finds a person, who did it, who spilled so much of her blood… he will kill them without hesitation.

“You know it’s very rude to stare at maidens with such a scary expression?”

Hange’s hoarse voice brings Levi out of his thoughts. He stares at her, dumbfounded. He didn’t even notice that she came back to her senses.

Levi looks at her stupid grinning face, and relief nearly overwhelms him. He brings Hange closer, until their foreheads are touching.

“You scared me so fucking much, you idiot,” he tries to sound gruff, annoyed and angry. But his words come out in a soft whisper.

“This?” Hange touches her bloody face with a finger and then shows it to Levi. “It’s nothing! I had so much worse when I was a kid.”

Levi moves away, scrunching his nose in disgust. “This explains so much.”

Hange bursts out laughing, and Levi’s so mesmerized by the sight of her smiling face that he almost doesn’t notice Erwin’s arrival.

As soon as he sees him, though, Levi hastily gets to his feet, taking a few steps away from Hange. If anyone would see him, almost embracing the future Queen, people would get wrong ideas.

Levi doesn’t want to encourage that.

Erwin kneels in front of Hange, his brows furrowed in an expression of worry. “What happened?”

“Nothing serious!” Hange assures with a smile. “I just thought I saw a deer and proceeded to chase it. Then my horse heard some loud noise or something and threw me off.”

“A loud noise?” Erwin asks, scratching his chin.

“Your horse isn’t that easily spooked,” Moblit adds, his eyes nervous, as he surveys his Lady’s injuries.

“It isn’t time to think about it,” Levi interrupts, glaring at Erwin. “We need to get her to healer.”

“You’re right,” Erwin stands up, helping Hange get to her feet. He then lifts one of her hands and throws it over Levi’s shoulder. “Get her to the castle,” Erwin orders.

“And you?”

“I need to look around,” Erwin replies seriously. “Take care of her, Levi.”

“Will do, Your Majesty,” Levi gives him a bow.

He hovers over Hange, as he gets her to his horse and then sits behind her, spurting the animal into action.

“Erwin thinks someone tried to hurt me?” Hange asks, as they ride through the forest.

“He didn’t tell you?”

“No,” Hange shakes her head. “But he didn’t need to. I’m not an absentminded weirdo everything thinks I am. I notice things too.”

“Erwin doesn’t think you about you this way,” Levi replies. “And neither do I.”

And before Hange can say something, Levi speeds up his horse. “Let’s hurry up. We need to show that wound to the healer.”

***

Back at the palace, the healer assures Levi and Moblit, who arrived just after them, that Hange’s wound isn’t serious. One day at the infirmary, and she will be back on her feet.

Still, neither Moblit, nor Levi leave her side, sitting next to Hange’s bed.

Moblit reads to her and entertains her with conversation. Levi just sits there, not talking and not taking his eyes off Hange even for a second.

He should go, he knows that. Erwin asked him only to bring her back, he said nothing about keeping her company, but whenever Levi tries to leave, he remembers Hange’s bloodied face and feels almost a physical need to stay.

He can’t let any harm come her way. And he won’t.

In the evening, Erwin comes to visit her. He looks tired, but as soon as he sees Hange, he puts on a warm smile.

“Are you feeling better?” he asks her, as he takes her hand in his.

“Of course!” Hange beams. “I don’t really think I need to spend the night in infirmary, but the healer insisted,” she huffs a bit petulantly.

Erwin brings her palm to his lips, pressing a soft kiss there. “I’m sure the healer just wants to make sure you’re alright. Our wedding approaches and I want you to be healthy during the ceremony.”

“It will be embarrassing, if you faint while reciting vows,” Levi stands up and comes to stand next to Hange.

He doesn’t know why, but he feels uneasy, when all of Hange’s attention is focused on Erwin. They are to be married soon, Levi knows that. And he really wants them to be happy. But whenever Erwin touches her so gently, Levi has a weird feeling inside. It clutches his heart and twists his insides.

The feeling is gone the moment Hange’s eyes are set on him.

“Levi?” Erwin’s voice brings him back to reality. “Can we talk outside?”

Levi nods and follows Erwin into the corridor.

“So?” Levi crosses hands on his chest, staring up at Erwin. “You found something?”

“No,” Erwin shakes his head. “If there was foul play involved in Hange getting injured, I couldn’t find any evidence of it.”

“Maybe, it was an accident?”

“Maybe,” Erwin agrees, although his hard gaze and pressed lips tell a different story. “But in the meanwhile, keep watching over her. At least, until the wedding.”

“As you wish,” Levi promises, before going back to Hange.

***

The royal wedding is beautiful. Levi has been living in the palace for almost seven years now, but he has never seen a celebration more grand that this.

Hundreds of nobles come to the palace, all of them wearing the brightest and biggest jewelry and the most extravagant, colorful clothes they have.

The church, where the wedding is held, is the most majestic building Levi has ever seen. It’s big and spacious, the ceilings are high and the windows are wide. The warm sunlight trickles inside, making everything glisten.

Erwin himself is dressed in a majestic blue doublet, adorned with small white wings, which symbolize their kingdom. He wears a crown on his head, and there is a pleased smile on his face, as he stands in front of an altar, waiting for his almost-wife and Queen.

It’s a beautiful day, and it will be a beautiful wedding.

But when those giant doors open, when Hange finally walks in, Levi comes to a realization that none of it – nothing in the world - compares to her beauty.

And it’s weird, because Levi has never thought of her like that, Hange is a million different things – she is weird, annoying, loud, kind, smart, funny or endearing, but she’s never beautiful, not like this.

Watching her walk down the aisle feels almost surreal. That woman in a long white gown, who walks with her eyes slightly cast down, looks nothing like Hange. And even though, deep down, Levi prefers the Hange he knows – the one, who wears man’s clothes to a ball and whose hair always sticks in different directions, he can’t tear his eyes away from her.

And he feels horrible just thinking about it, doesn’t understand, where those feelings even came from, but as he watches Erwin lean in to press a kiss on Hange’s lips, the priest announcing them husband and wife, Levi desperately wants to be in Erwin’s place.

***

The feast that begins just after the wedding is nothing short of horrible.

The dining hall, where it’s being held, is too warm and stuffy, and the guests, who get progressively drunker with every goddamn minute, are loud and messy.

Levi hates it. He wants to leave. He wants to close himself in his chambers, or, maybe, go to the training grounds and let out all of his frustration in a slightly more productive manner.

But he can’t.

Because Erwin has left to talk with ambassadors – or so he claims – Levi doesn’t quite understand how one can leave the celebration of their own wedding earlier, and Moblit is getting drunk with other knights, so there is no one, but Levi, who can look after their newly coroneted Queen.

Who is currently getting drunk herself, seemingly undisturbed by the absence of her husband. As he hears her utter another stupid, and surprisingly vulgar, joke to Lord Mike, who sits next to her and is roaring with laughter at every word that comes out of her mouth, Levi decides it’s time for some intervention.

So he stands behind Hange, grabbing her by the collar of her shirt (thank gods, she changed into her usual clothes earlier, all Levi’s strange feelings are gone along with that dress). “Hange, I think it’s time for you to leave,” Levi resists the urge to gag, as he sees that the front of her shirt is stained with something dark and sticky.

“But Leeevi,” Hange lifts her head and stares at him upside down. Her stupid grin makes something flatter inside Levi. Maybe, he shouldn’t have eaten that fish. “I’m having so much fun!”

Levi glares at the man Hange is having so much fun with. Lord Mike seems as inebriated as their new Queen.

“C’mon, Hange,” Levi lightly pulls on her collar. “Get up and let’s go.”

“Leeeevi,” Hange whines, looking at Levi with puffed out cheeks. It’s an absolutely ridiculous expression, and Levi definitely doesn’t find it even a tiniest bit adorable.

“Don’t make me call Erwin,” he says, turning away. Her stupid pouting face wasn’t working on him.

“You’re no fun at all,” she huffs, but, thankfully, gets to her feet.

She only slightly sways, as she stands up. Levi sighs and takes her by the hand.

It’s good that everyone in the dining hall is too drunk to see that their new Queen is leaving her wedding feast, hand-in-hand with a knight.

"Levi..." Hange calls, as they walk through the palace's corridors. She sounds different than before, her loud mirth is gone, and when Levi stops and turns around to look at her, he sees that her cheeks are slightly red, as she stares at him.

Levi can't quite guess if that's the effect of alcohol or a trick of light.

"What?" he asks, feigning annoyance. In truth, Hange's weird expression makes his heart beat faster. "Don't tell me you're going to throw up."

"No!" Hange shakes her head with a smile. "I just wanted to thank you... For looking out for me. I don't deserve such kindness."

"Don't be an idiot," Levi scoffs as he starts walking again. "You deserve that and so much more."

"What?" Hange pulls on his hand, stopping him again. "What did you say?"

Levi looks at her. Is she really going to make him say it?

He takes a deep breath. "I said that you deserve so much more. You're incredible, Hange, I don't think I need to tell you that, and you deserve so much more than this."

What he means by this - his kindness, or marriage to Erwin, or the fact that he left her on the night of their wedding - Levi doesn't know. But he knows that if he had a chance, just a smallest chance, he'd do everything he could to make Hange happy.

"You really think so?" she asks, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "You really feel this way about me?"

As she stares at him with those big eyes and that tiny, shy smile Levi thinks that he wants to kiss more than anything else in the world.

That thought surprises him, it comes out of nowhere, but once it’s there, Levi can't get it out of his head. He needs to finish this conversation, and then he needs to go to the training ground and run as many laps as it takes to get rid of ridiculous thoughts such as these.

"Yeah...I do," Levi nods and turns away, hoping that Hange is satisfied with his answer.

Of course she fucking isn't.

"I thought you hated me," Hange says, her voice is so surprised, as though she really thought this way.

"Idiot," Levi rolls his eyes. "If I hated you, I wouldn't have bothered with your stupid ass."

Levi's mind doesn't completely register what happens next. One moment, he was standing in the middle of a hallway, and in the next he is pressed against the wall, as Hange looms over him. Her hands are on his shoulders. She hesitates for a quick moment, her eyes darting from his lips to his eyes. Whatever she sees there, Levi doesn't know, but in the next second she puts her lips on his.

Whatever Levi has been thinking about comes to a full stop.

Hange... Hange is kissing him. Hange, his Queen, Erwin's wife. He is kissing Erwin's wife. Erwin, the man who saved him, who gave him a second chance in life, who took him out of the slumbers of the lower city. His friend, his King to whom Levi sworn his life. He has sworn to follow him to hell and back, to sacrifice his life without hesitation.

And right now... He is kissing his wife. He has to stop, has to push Hange away. He won't betray Erwin. Not like this.

But just for a moment, just for a second, Levi lingers there, savoring her taste, losing himself in the feeling of her body, pressed against his.

He will remember this, he will remember this small moment for the rest of his life.

His hands tremble with the desire to touch her, to embrace and hold her in his arms.

Instead Levi puts them on her shoulders and pushes her away.

Hange's eyes, when she looks at him, are confused.

She looks so lost, and Levi wants nothing more than to comfort her, to tell her how much she really means to him.

But he can't.

So he puts as much disdain and indifference in his eyes as he can.

"You're drunk, Your Majesty," he says, no, he spits it out.

Hange looks as though he slapped her. There is so much pain and hurt in her eyes that Levi almost starts apologizing. I don’t mean it, he wants to say. I love you more than anything, he wants to confess.

But duty was always more important to him. Before he met Hange, duty was everything to him. He can’t change his priorities now.

So Levi hurries to turn away and close his eyes, before he sees tears streaming down her face.

He won't be able to walk away then, he won't be able to let go.

"Go to sleep," he says at last.

Hange doesn't follow him, doesn't call out his name.

This means that his words had worked.

But it doesn't make Levi feel better.

***

He heads straight into the dining hall, finding it blissfully empty. There a couple of drunkards, lying on the benches, clearly passed out. Levi doesn’t pay attention to them. Hopefully, he’ll soon join them.

He gets himself a bottle of wine and chugs it as quickly as he can. It tastes like piss, but he doesn’t care. He needs to forget, needs to get those big brown eyes out of his mind. They stare at him as soon as he closes his eyes. They judge him, as Hange’s voice whispers that he’s a liar and a coward. That he is the most despicable person in this world, if he dared to hurt her so.

But Levi doesn’t listen. He shakes his head and drinks more.

It wasn’t real, he tries to persuade himself. Hange doesn’t really feel this way about him. She was drunk and her husband left her on the night of their wedding. She was lonely and sad, of course, she tried to find comfort in someone else’s arms.

Hange doesn’t love him. He made the right choice.

She will probably forget about it in the morning, and everything will return to normal.

Levi lifts a bottle to his lips, hoping that if he drinks a little more, he’ll be able to ignore his broken heart.

***

In the morning, he feels like shit.

When a servant-boy starts banging on his door, shouting to him that King Erwin wants to see him, Levi starts feeling even worse.

But Erwin can’t know about yesterday’s accident, right? No matter how smart he is, there is no way he found out about that. Or, maybe, someone saw them in the hallway? It wasn’t like him or Hange paid much attention to their surroundings.

Shit, Levi thinks as he quickly puts his clothes on. What if Erwin really knows?

However, when Levi enters Erwin’s study, there is a surprisingly happy smile on his face. He chuckles, as he sees Levi’s annoyed and obviously tired face.

“I take it, you had fun last night?” Erwin asks.

Levi decides not to dignify this with a reply. Erwin really doesn’t want to know what kind of fun Levi was having last night. Instead, he takes a seat across from him. His anger considerably lessens, when he notices two cups with steaming tea. He immediately takes one in his hand, enjoying the warm substance as it runs down his throat.

“So,” Erwin puts a palm under his chin, looking at Levi with warm eyes. That damn pleased smile is still on his lips. It creeps Levi out. “The wedding was beautiful, don’t you think?”

“It was alright,” Levi shrugs. Your wife was beautiful, he thinks, as he takes another sip from his tea to avoid looking at Erwin.

“And how was the feast? Did you enjoy it?”

“If you’re so curious,” Levi scowls. “Maybe, you should have stayed for a little bit longer?”

Erwin chuckles. “I should have stayed longer, shouldn’t I?” he muses. “I hope Hange wasn’t too sad without me?”

“I…” Levi looks at him, feeling lost. How in the hell should he answer this?

“Well,” Erwin continues, seemingly not seeing Levi’s confusion. “I hope you were a good company for her.”

Shit, shit, fucking shit!

Levi narrows his eyes, eyeing Erwin carefully. The smile on his face is still easy and warm, and his gaze doesn’t seem suspicious or angry.

Maybe, just a coincidence?

Levi drinks from his cup, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible. “Is there a reason you called me today?” he makes his voice sound as calm as it is possible with his wildly beating heart. “Or did you simply want to discuss your wedding?”

“It’s been a long time, since we were able to just sit and chat, don’t you think? But,” Erwin straightens, as his gaze hardens just a fraction. Levi tenses. “You’re right, there is a reason why I called you here. I want to know what happened between you and Hange.”

If Levi was a bit clumsier, if his reflexes were a bit slower or if he didn’t know how to hide his emotions so well, he’d definitely drop the cup he’s holding. Or, maybe, he’d gasp or curse.

Instead he doesn’t even move, only raising an eyebrow, as he looks at Erwin with a calm expression. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Really?” Erwin looks at him incredulously. “You didn’t have a fight? Then why Hange said to me that she doesn’t want you to protect her anymore?”

Levi’s heart clenches painfully. Sure, he expected something like that, but actually hearing about it? It felt like his heart has broken for the second time.

“I… yeah, we had a fight, now I remember,” Levi says, feigning indifference. “But it was bound to happen, right? Hange and I are just incompatible, I guess.”

“Hm,” Erwin scratches his chin thoughtfully. “I thought you were getting along just fine. Even more than just fine.”

Erwin looks at him, open and honest. He knows, Levi realizes. Erwin knows. There are a dozen excuses on Levi’s tongue, but he doesn’t dare to say any of them out loud. Whatever he says, he won’t be able to fool Erwin.

“It’s my fault,” he admits, lowering his head. Levi knows what Kings do with cheating wives. Even if Erwin is nothing like different monarchs, adultery is a serious crime, and Levi can’t let Hange be punished for it. “I fell in love with her, but Hange doesn’t feel the same. She loves only you, Erwin.”

Unexpectedly, Erwin starts laughing. Levi stares at him, lost and confused.

“I’m sorry, sorry,” Erwin raises his hands in placating manner. “You two…” he shakes his hand, still chuckling. “You two are so worth each other. Hange told me the same thing, you know? When we had a similar conversation this morning, she kept telling me not to punish you and that you have no feelings for her…” Erwin sighs. “Just go and talk with her.”

Levi looks at Erwin, eyeing him beneath his fridge. “You… you are not angry?” he asks slowly. “But she is your wife!”

“She is,” Erwin agrees. “And Hange is a wonderful, phenomenal person. But I can’t be the husband she deserves. I can’t give her what she needs. She knew what she was signing up for, knew that it will be more of an alliance than a marriage, but still she agreed to it. And I’ll be forever grateful to her that she did. And if she found someone her heart is aching for, I can’t and won’t stop her. Talk with her,” Erwin softly repeats. “You both deserve to be happy.”

“Erwin…” Levi whispers, not quite knowing what to say.

“Go,” Erwin urges. “You can thank me later, when you sort it all out.”

Levi nods, standing up. Before he walks out of the room, he turns around and bows. “You’re the best king this country could ask for. It’s an honor to serve you…” Levi pauses, lifting the corners of his lips in a smile. “And it’s an even bigger honor to call you a friend.”

His conversation with Erwin made Levi feel that much better. Now as he wonders through the castle’s hallways, looking for Hange, he is filled with hope.

Maybe, there will be a happy ending to their story.

***

He finds Hange in the gardens. She's sitting on a bench near the fountains, Moblit, unsurprisingly, stands by her side. There is a book open on her lap, but it seems to be forgotten, as Hange is looking down on the flower in her hands.

Unnoticed by neither Moblit, nor Hange Levi stops, staring at Hange from afar.

Calling her pretty or fair would be wrong, Hange is neither of those things. Her nose is too long and curved, her forehead is too wide, and she does nothing to hide those imperfections.

However, as Levi keeps looking at her, he can't deny that he's admiring her. She may not be the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, but she catches his eye nonetheless. She may not be fairest of the fair, but to Levi, she is the most wonderful person in this world.

He takes a breath and then. He takes a step forward.

Moblit is the first one to see him. He instantly tenses, his eyes flaring up with anger. He lays a hand on the hill of his sword, stepping in to hide Hange behind his back.

And, yeah, Levi should have expected something like that. Moblit is fiercely loyal and absurdly over-protective, of course, he’d get angry at Levi for hurting his Lady.

“Lady Hange doesn’t require your protection anymore,” he declares, as he stares Levi down with righteous anger in his eyes.

Levi can’t help, but admit that he is impressed by Moblit. He must have seen Levi fight during his trainings or during the tournaments. And even if he hasn’t, he most surely has heard the tales about Levi’s skills. And he doesn’t like to brag, but he’s not called the mightiest of knights for nothing, yet Moblit… Moblit doesn’t seem to care about it. And he genuinely seems ready to fight with Levi, to defend his Lady’s honor with all of his strength.

Levi is glad that a man like him defends Hange.

“I just want to talk,” he says quietly.

Moblit continues to regard him with cold eyes until Hange steps in. She lays a hand on Moblit’s arm, smiling at him. It’s a weak smile, so different from her usual ones. Levi hates himself for it, hates that he is reason for the sad look on her face.

“I’ll be fine, Moblit, you can take a break for a while.”

For a moment, Moblit seems hesitant. His eyes dart from his Lady to Levi a couple of times, but then he gives up. He takes his hand off the sword and walks away.

“Thank you,” Levi murmurs, as he sits next to her. He doesn’t sit too close, but even so, when he lowers himself down, Hange slightly, but visibly tenses.

“Maybe, it’s for the best if we talk,” Hange muses, not taking her eyes off that flower. It’s a daffodil, Levi realizes. He briefly wonders, where Hange managed to find it in this time of year. The winter is approaching, after all. “I should apologize to you.”

“Hange, w—” but she doesn’t let him finish.

Instead, she continues, as though she didn’t even hear him. “You were right, it was a mistake. I shouldn’t have kissed you—”

“Hange—”

“I shouldn’t have forced myself onto you, it is obvious that you don’t feel the same—”

“Hange—”

“I’m sorry for making you uncomfortabl—”

“Hange!” Levi raises his voice and grabs her shoulder, turning her to face him. Now he has her undivided attention. Fucking finally. “I came here to talk with you. So,” he looks deeply in her eyes, as his hand lowers, until it is holding her palm. Hange tenses, but doesn’t try to shake him off. “Can I talk?”

Hange nods, timidly. She lowers her head, playing with that damned flower. Levi would have preferred for her to look at him, but well. Maybe, it’s for the best. At least, she won’t see him blushing and stuttering like a fool.

“You are right, you did make me uncomfortable,” immediately, Hange tries to free her hand, but Levi intertwines their fingers and doesn’t let go. “But it’s not the kiss that made me feel this way, o-or, maybe it is, no, wait, fuck!” Levi growls, distressed by his inability to translate his feelings into words. He was never good with either. “Shit, let me start over,” he ruffles his hair. “First, I want to… apologize. I know that I hurt you last night, but believe me I didn’t want this. I hope you can forgive m—”

“Levi,” Hange smiles. It’s a soft, but still disturbingly sad smile. It looks weird on her face. “You don’t have to apologize. I am the one at fault here—”

“For gods’ sake!” Levi exclaims. “Can you let me finish?”

“Oh, okay,” Hange chuckles, and Levi’s heart flutters at that sound. “Go on then.”

“As I was saying,” Levi begins, glaring at Hange. “Your actions made me uncomfortable, but more than that, my own feelings made me uncomfortable. I didn’t want you to stop, Hange. And, of fucking course, I didn’t want to push you away.”

“Then why did you?” and her voice is so quiet, so small and unsure that it breaks Levi’s heart.

“Because I thought it was wrong. Because I didn’t want to betray Erwin. Because I was afraid of my feelings to you.”

“And what exactly do you feel for me?”

Levi sighs. “Are you really going to make me say it?”

“It would make all of this much easier.”

And yeah, maybe, she’s right, Levi thinks. The lack of communication did bring them into this mess.

He sighs again. “I love you, Hange. More than anything.”

“I see,” Hange whispers, lowering her head. “So kissing you was really a mistake… I’m sorry, Levi, but I can’t… we can’t do that. I can’t give you everything. I am a Queen, I have a duty to this country, and… to my husband.”

“I know that. I also have a duty, and I don’t want your everything, Hange,” Levi lifts their joined hands and presses a soft kiss on her knuckles. “I don’t wish to own you, I… just want to love you and… remain by your side.”

Hange shakes her head, swiftly raising her free hand to wipe her face. “I really don’t deserve you.”

Levi smiles. “Stupid,” he says gently. “I told you yesterday, didn’t I? You deserve the world, Hange.”

Hange slowly lifts her palm to lay it on his cheek. Levi leans into her touch, and she smiles. “I love you so much, Levi.”

That smile is so soft and yet so bright. Levi wants nothing more than to press his lips to it. “I want to kiss you,” he blurts out.

Hange raises an eyebrow. “You won’t push me away this time?”

Levi scowls. “You really won’t let me forget it so easily?”

“Of course, not!” Hange exclaims. “You broke my heart, you know?”

“Well, I wasn’t too happy about it either,” Levi grumbles, even though he feels a prick of shame and regret. He won’t let himself harm Hange ever again.

“Lucky for you, I’m ready to forgive you. On one condition.”

“Which is?”

“You have to kiss me,” Hange grins. “Real good. So good it’ll make me swoon.”

“Swoon?” Levi scoffs. “Have you been reading too much shitty novels lately?”

“If you look at it this way…” Hange begins, her grin widening. “I am a Queen and you’re my trusty knight… We are just like the characters from those stories!”

“I’m not exactly your knight. Actually, when I came here, your trusty knight wanted to run me through with a sword!”

Hange shrugs. “It just means that our story is a bit different.”

“Do you think we’ll get a happy ending?”

“That depends. Remember, you have to kiss me really good!”

“You’re insufferable,” Levi grumbles.

But who he is to argue with his Queen? He has no choice, but to kiss her.

“Mm, that was… alright,” Hange declares, when they break apart. The dazed look in her eyes tells Levi a different story, but he decides to humor her.

“Just alright? Does that mean you won’t forgive me?”

Hange looks up, putting on a thoughtful expression. “That was our initial deal, yes, but,” she grins. “I’m a rather merciful Queen. I’ll let you have another try.”

“And if I won’t succeed again?”

“Then I’ll have no choice, but to train you.”

“Truly,” Levi smirks. “Your kindness knows no bounds.”

He lays his hand onto her waist, bringing Hange closer and kissing her once more. In that moment, he feels happier than ever.

Levi’s not the most optimistic person in the world, but when Hange smiles, he’s sure that their story is indeed different. It will have a happy ending.

#the first scene of this fic was in my drafts for months!#so thank you anon for finally making me finish it!#as you can see there was some plot here before but yeah i got too lazy #levihan #levihan fanfiction #levi x hange #levi x hanji #hange zoë #hanji zoe #levi ackerman #snk fanfiction #snk fandom #snk #levi aot #aot

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the-dragons-knight · 3 years

Text

FFXIV Write 2021

Prompt #4 - The Queen of Draic

Baleful - ‘menacing; threatening harm’

————————————————————

(Used some in game cutscene text for this one just cause it writes the scene so well and sets up my idea so perectly)

Silence swallowed the room with the weight of Emperor Varis’s words. The Garlean Empire was created from the beginning by Ascians, and in truth, Katsum could not say she was surprised with the chaos the Garleans had always created, the pain and suffering they had caused based on her childhood memories alone. She felt the hand holding hers under the table tighten slightly as Aymeric felt her body tense through her fingers. Hien had been gracious enough to let her dear husband sit beside her, and she was glad that he had for there were a few times that Varis had targeted Aymeric’s and Ishgard’s sorrows specifically and it had only been his quick catch of her hand that kept the seeker from launching herself over the table. She took a long breath and squeezed his hand gently in response.

“Your ‘prize’ is a lie. It would be foolish to even wonder if you would have the upper hand in such an agreement. We would all die before peace is even a thought.” She answered, a bit to her tone as she scowled at him. Again she felt Aymeric’s fingers squeeze her a bit, and she felt his heartbeat quicken with worry.

The Emperor stood then, and spoke with a strange kind of fervor, “I come not to conquer but to liberate—to free man from the prison of divergence. Imagine a world united, and one perfect race beneath a single standard! We would be masters of our own fate! We would be far too strong for the servants of Darkness and Light to dare trifle with!” He held out his hands and grinned smugly, insanely, “I bid you join me! Not as a subject of Garlemald, but of a new nation! And together we shall win true freedom for ourselves and generations yet unborn!”

Silence returned for a moment, just for a moment, and then Lyse jumped to her feet, slamming her hands down on the table, “You want to trigger another half-dozen calamities!? You can’t be serious!”

“Have you forgotten how many died!?” Raubahn hissed, “There will be no one left!”

As he and Nanamo stood to their feet, so did Merlwyb, “Did you truly imagine we would aid you in your bloodletting?”

“It is unthinkable!” Katsum wasn’t sure she’d ever heard Kan-E-Senna raise her voice, but as she stood next to the other leader that had been there that day at Carteneau, it only made sense why. Alisaie looked to Lord Hien and Aymeric, and she and Hien stood to their feet. Katsum stayed seated as Aymeric let go of her hand to stand too, watching her out of the corner of his eye as she stayed still and stared angrily at Varis.

“And what of the other worlds? The ones we “rejoin”?” Alisaie finally broke her silence to shout, “Every calamity means you obliterate a star and every soul that dwells upon it!”

Varis frowned and grimaced in annoyance, “We are all but tiny specks in an indifferent universe. We cannot hope to oppose them until we have been made whole once more.”

“Odd, the same could be said about the many small countries and cities you forced under your rule in your…‘liberation’,” Katsum said softly, a clear edge to her voice.

He did not answer her.

Instead, Nanamo spoke then instead to fill the silence, “Are these truly the words of Garlemald’s ruler?” She did not give him the time to answer as she narrowed her gaze and continued, “The flaws which you so abhor are what make us who we are. Every nation─even yours, Emperor Varis─is made whole through the combination of these imperfections, the strengths of one compensating for the weaknesses of another. While it is true that man succumbs all too often to anger and avarice, he may yet overcome his baser instincts through the forming of bonds with others, fostering community and cooperation. That the protector of an empire should not only reject these fundamental truths but seek to change them at so dear a cost to life is indefensible,” She leaned forward and very nearly whispered, “Such a man is not fit to govern.”

The power in such words could shut out even Katsum herself she believed, and so Varis of course had naught to say to retort. He drew back to stand straight as a deep frown crossed his face, his eyes narrowed with the slightest hint of Katsum thought might be defeat. Then his gaze met her, “And you, Warrior of Light? Would you refuse me as well?”

Katsum was quiet, looking down to the table and closing her eyes as everyone else’s attention turned to her. Long had she carried this secret, keeping it safe from the knowledge of their enemy, but now, after these many long years, she was ready to bear her fangs.

“Tell me, Lord Varis, do you remember an island kingdom that your armies laid siege to some years ago? It was a small island that floated on the stormy seas of Sirensong, just to the east of Ul’dah’s shores. Do you know it?”

He tsked, “I remember some report of it, of mass destruction and nothing to gain from it. A waste of resources.”

Katsum’s fingers tightened into a fist, “A waste of resources…” She hissed this under her breath where only she and Aymeric heard before she continued, “Really? I thought you knew all of our histories and the flaws we sew into our nations.”

He growled, “Get to your point, girl.”

Katsum moved to slowly stand to her feet, feeling the eyes of the others as she stood tall and narrowed her sapphire gaze threateningly, “You call me ‘Warrior of Light’, ‘Defender of Eorzea’, ‘Liberator of Doma and Ala Mhigo’, and ‘Knightess of Ishgard’. All of these titles and more I now carry, but there is another title I have borne for far longer than any other. Do you know what it is?”

It seemed it took him a moment before his eyes widened, “You can’t be…”

“I am the Queen of Draic.”

Suddenly, the Draic necklace around her neck began glowing brightly, the eye of Raihogg burning into the red jewel. To the amazement of all, a deep rumble echoed behind her as she felt the dragon summoning his form, his wings spread out in his ghostly shade behind the other alliance members and hovered his head over Katsum’s like a shield, his glowing blue and golden eyes burning into Varis. The red dragon hissed lowly, making the emperor take a step back and his guards take a single step forward, but neither Katsum nor her dragon made a move to attack. The miqo’te stood tall as the confidence she had never known flowed into her veins. Still, she reached out her hand to the Elezen man beside her, wrapping her shaking fingers in his as he took her hand to ground herself and to keep her from going too far. He gently squeezed her fingers and it gave her the assurance that she needed.

“That ‘momentary’ island was my home and its people, my family. You reduced it to rubble for nothing and killed my people without remorse. Even now, you have no thought of sympathy,” She spat these words before she retracted and spoke sickeningly sweet, “Yet that is the past, right? A chapter for the history books, written and forgotten. Yet now you ask me as us to join this cause of yours, this movement of death and chaos and insanity. The same cause you forced upon my people,” Katsum’s eyes darkened angrily then, slightly baring her feline fangs as she hissed with her Dravanian companion, “If you truly believed we would join you in such madness, then you are far more a fool than you are a TYRANT!!”

Not so long ago, she would have denied this title and its weight, but at this moment, after so many years, finally the queen had come to rule.

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hauntlikeaghost0 · 4 years

Text

drowning | d.m

summary: you are draco’s lifline.

warnings: little bit angsty but in a fluffy way

a/n: wrote this on my phone so ignore weird spacing but i think i really like it?? idk hehe

༒༒༒

draco’s life was falling apart. slipping and tumbling, crashing down around him faster and faster as time went by; and there was nothing he could do but watch. watch as the rubble buried all his friendships, all his confidence and innocence, all his happiness. and all he could do was prey and beg and just hope that people will forgive him when it was all over. hope and beg and prey that despite seeing his face on the opposite side, despite seeing him next to the people that tore down their home, they won’t see him as the enemy. they won’t see him as evil. but just the battered and broken boy that didn’t have a choice. the battered and broken boy that couldn’t lose anymore.

as he looks out over hogwarts from his place in the astronomy tower, he mulls this over. no, not mulls, he grapples, he obsesses. mind racing repeatedly over how hopelessly fucked his life is about to become. he wonders desperately how he could have possibly let it get this far, he wonders what would have happened if he’d had just said no. surely his parents would be dead now, possibly himself, maybe even you.

now, himself and his father, he could deal with, he could accept. karma’s a bitch and boy did the malfoy men know how to anger her. but his mother, she was the only person to ever make him believe in love, in care, in hope. she would do anything for him, despite him knowing he could live a hundred lives and never deserve that. and you, oh god you. the only person to ever make draco feel as though he was lovable, not worthy of love, as he is convinced he never will be, but somehow, by some sort of miracle, you loved him. you were stubborn as hell and drove him insane but, praise merlin, did you care for that boy so fiercely and so passionately that he almost believed you when you told him he was a gift. he had some bumps and bruises, some scars that would take time to heal but he was precious and beautiful. irreplaceable.

the school grounds were bathed in darkness, stars littering the deep navy sky, reflecting off the black lake as though it were a mirror and dancing around before draco’s eyes. despite the late hours, a few lights still remained, glowing warmly from scattered windows around the castle, inviting the boy to dive into their saftey. an invitation he ignored. although his entire life was constantly casted in shadows, draco still finds a strange comfort in the darkness. the idea of going unseen but still being able to see it all, and, he supposes, it’s just all he’s ever known. he finds darkness at home, darkness at school, darkness in his mind, even some darkness in you, as no one can truly avoid it.

he drags his cold hands over his face, pressing them into his eyelids and watching as patterns appear and swirl beneath the pressure. the only thing that calls his attention away is the familiar sound of your pattering footsteps, climbing the old creaking stairs behind him.

“draco?” you call out as you reach the final step, catching a glimpse of the instantly recognisable platinum hair, only made harder to ignore in the silvery moonlight.

“over here.” he replies, not moving from his position of gripping the metal railing. you instantly recognise the tension in his shoulders and the stiffness of his neck. his mind is elsewhere, lost in what if’s and worst case scenarios.

you take a deep breath, heart already breaking for the boy infront of you, begging yourself to keep it together for him. to be the solid shoulder for him to lean on while everything feels so unstable. “i see you” you breathe out and make your way closer.

you arrive at his side but his eyes stay fixated right ahead, so many emotions swirling in his icy blues that you wonder whether there’s anyone there at all. his hands still grasp the bar infront of him so tightly his knuckles are white and all you can think to do in that moment is lay your, slightly smaller, hopefully warmer, hand atop his.

“you are the best thing that ever happened to me.” you speak out, mirroring his position and fixing your eyes upon the silhouettes of two birds dancing and twirling across the ever darkening skyline. “you know that right?”

you feel him turn his attention towards you, vision locking intently on the side of your face as though trying to discern something so impossibly complicated.

meeting his eyes, you raise your brows. not in a teasing way, but almost so as to open up more of your face to him, to put on display all of your emotions for him to read, desperate for him to find complete sincerity. he only shakes his head.

“i don’t deserve you.” is all he says, eyes glassy but the ghost of a smile appearing on his lips.

rolling your eyes, you reply: “do you think i give a fuck about what people deserve?” there’s a playful tint in your voice, only barely disguising the complete seriousness. draco lets out a short laugh at this, turning to lean his elbow against the railing, finally allowing some lightness to return to his features.

“draco fucking malfoy,” you jab a finger into his chest, “if i could, i would hand you the world with three tiny finger holes in the top and let you use it a fucking bowling ball, me being each one of the ten pins. i would let you repeatedly crush me with the world, which you hold in your hands, because i feel that’s what you deserve.”

“now, i feel that’s a bit rash.” he says, gaze softening even further and a more solid grin making its way upon his face. there’s humor in his voice and it adds a warmth to the night.

“it’s not up for debate.” you snap back, keeping up your serious facade for another two beats until draco rolls his eyes, chuckling to himself quietly.

the sound of his laughter and the beautifully curved grin on his lips brings a sort of joy to you that you can’t quite understand. a sense of pride, not at the fact you managed to make him smile, but at the fact he still can, after all he’s been through. when that beautiful, damaged boys face lights up in the way it just had, everything feels right in the world, nothing can go wrong, nothing can harm you, because draco is happy, draco is happy. it may only be for a moment, a brief second in a lifetime, but it gives you hope, it makes you warm. and you did mean it when you said that boy deserves the world, he truly, truly does.

a silence settles between the two of you and your attention shifts back to those same two birds, now sat comfortably atop one of hogwarts many spires, pressed up against eachother, keeping eachother warm.

“can i have a hug?” a timid voice speaks up from beside you. it’s such a weak and frail sound from someone who appears so casually strong that your heart clenches in your chest, turning your attention towards the delicate boy to your left. you smile up at him as warmly as you possibly can and slowly place a hand on his pale cheek, dusting your thumb lightly over the soft skin and relishing in how it heats slightly beneath you touch.

you only nod in response, dropping both your hands over his shoulders and drawing him into you, so closely and so tightly, he wonders if you’ll ever let him go. he decided he definitely hopes not. instantly, draco is wrapping his arms around your waist, holding you just as securely and somehow managing to bring your body impossibly closer to his, hips and chests flush together. you feel the butterflies fly wildly in your stomach, a sensation not uncommon when being around draco, as he nuzzles his head into your neck, inhaling deeply and making goosebumps shoot up across your body at the feeling of his soft breath against your skin.

“you deserve the world, draco malfoy.” you breathe out softly, sincerity laced thickly in your words, begging for the damaged boy to hear it and willing for him to finally believe it.

draco only grips you tighter, no words escaping his lips but an almost silent sniffle coming from his place snuggled into your shoulder. again you feel your heart in your throat and, in order to fight back your own set of tears that are balancing so dangerously close to falling, you begin to move from side to side, swaying oh so gently like branches in the wind. you cling onto draco and he to you, realising what you’re doing and moving just the same. you place a hand softly on the back of his head, sliding your fingers into his hair and drawing a hum out from the back of his throat that makes your knees buckle slightly.

you continue to sway for a few more moments, draco grasping you like the lifeline he saw you as and you holding him tenderly, savouring the feeling of his closeness as though it were the last drop of oxygen you’d ever receive. he begins to sway you in a circle, turning the pair of you around until your back was against the cold metal railing. you flinch slightly at the feel of the icy iron through your thin bed shirt, followed by the loss of draco’s weight against your neck, however the coldness is soon replaced by a flooding warmth when your eyes lock on his. the amount of emotion seeping from them brings a lump to your throat. there’s still the ghost of the hopelessness that always resides in his steely blues but right now, as he stares and you so intensely, all that can be seen is love. suffocating and overwhelming, soft and beautiful, completely overflowing, powerful love.

it takes everything in you not to scream, yell from the astronomy tower that you could never be more happy because he fucking loves you and you fucking love him and everything’s shit but you’re both in love. so intensely and passionately, in love.

and then he opens his mouth and the words spill like silk from his lips, curving around your heart and tying a beautiful bow atop it. a name tag hanging from the ribbon reads his name and you are sure it will never say any other for as long as the pair of you live, and even then after:

“i don’t want the world, dear, i only want you.”

then the tears spill and his lips meet yours. there’s fire and passion behind the kiss that has him pinning you to the balcony, hands tights against your waist. fire and passion that has you curving into him, hands lost in his hair. but the tears dancing between both your hot lips brings a sorrow to the kiss that makes your heart clench, a neediness that comes only from a broken boy, clinging to you with lust and simultaneously hopeless desperation. draco nips on your bottom lip lightly causing you to gasp softly which he takes as permission to begin the dance between your tongue and his own. each time you go in for more he treats it as receiving another breath of life, the love you’re presenting him with, filling his lungs and quenching his thirst better than anything else ever could.

finally, you pull back, gasping for air and running your tongue over your lips, weirdly addicted to the taste of draco mingled with both of your bitter, salty tears. he does the same, signature smirk adorning his features before he gently leans his forehead against yours, dropping a kiss to your nose that makes you’re heart swell.

“i love you, (Y/N), endlessly.” he breathes out, hand coming up to run his index finger delicately along your bottom lip.

“i love you too draco, endlessly.”

and in that moment, draco smiles. really, truly earnestly, smiles.

his world may be crumbling around him, he may be drowning in the darkness that spills from every person and every crevice of his mind; but, right now, on this balcony, with you in his arms and him in yours, it’s not the moon or the stars that’s keeping the astronomy tower alight. it’s you. it’s you and the love that you allow him to feel, the love that, when he’s with you, seeps from his very bones, pouring out of him and drowning the both of you.

and what a beautiful way to die.

𝐹𝑖𝑛

#harry potter x reader #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy #draco malfoy one shot #harry potter imagines #draco malfoy imagines #dramoine #draco malfoy angst #draco malfoy fluff

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halothenthehorns · 3 years

Text

SNAPE'S GRUDGE

James wasn't giving anyone one second to discuss that bomb of a mess, too scared to hear any kind of answer but the one that had to be true, it just wasn't possible the world would be cruel enough that his friend truly had gone insane in Azkaban. Sirius must have a logical and sound reason for doing this, but the fact that he couldn't come up with one made him read on with more anxiety than possibly any chapter before.

No one in Gryffindor Tower slept that night.

"Doubt anyone's going to get any sleep tonight either," Sirius muttered.

They knew the castle was being searched top to bottom again, and they all stayed alert to see if Black had been found this time.

James had to swallow very hard for a moment, still praying with his every fiber that wouldn't happen. He knew Sirius must have a reason for the insane act he'd just pulled, he was clearly of sound mind enough to run for cripes sake, surely he must have been able to escape again!

Harry dearly wanted to ask why they'd all been forced to stay in the Great Hall last time for a lesser problem with Sirius only having attacked the portrait, but this time they weren't leaving. He didn't though, working out for himself the teachers must think the common rooms really were safer this time.

McGonagall did come back to tell that he hadn't.

Despite the scared out of their mind mood for the room, they were all in the proper state to release a breath of relief for what they knew would always be good news to them.

The damage had been done though, and for the next several days they saw security being tightened up around the castle all the more, as the doors to the school had been enchanted to recognize Black,

"Despite the doors lack of security, I still doubt that's how you're pulling it off," Remus rolled his eyes.

and Filch was given the task of filling in every last crack in the wall that not even a mouse could squeeze through.

'Would be useful, if Peter were still around' Sirius mentally sighed, hoping more than anything that if Harry learned anything at the end of the year, it was what really was going on with that story.

Cadogan was fired,

"And good riddance," Harry grumbled, that portrait had done far more harm than good in his opinion by constantly annoying the whole of his house.

and the Fat Lady was put back,

"About time," Lily smiled, which wavered slightly when she remembered why it had been taken down in the first place. She would never really believe Sirius was out to harm anyone at that school, but it still wasn't adding up right what on earth he was doing! No one had the gall to bring it up though, James was still reading in a rather harassed manner and didn't look intent on changing that until he got a solid explanation of what was going on.

with added protection.

"How do you protect a portrait?" Harry mumbled.

His mom looked puzzled herself for a moment, but James was already reading.

Now security trolls had been hired to patrol the seventh floor.

Harry couldn't help a laugh of surprise at what he considered an overkill, considering even after all of this he still didn't feel any impending danger, but he was the only one who did.

Harry did notice that the statue on the third floor hadn't been secured,

Sirius felt the smallest of smiles trying to make an appearance on his face, left over smugness from his years in thinking he and his friends ruled the school through those secret corridors, but it just didn't hold the same pleasure now as it once would have.

and Harry couldn't help asking Ron if they should say something about it. Ron disagreed, saying that a break in at Honeydukes would have been mentioned.

Lily couldn't help herself, now she really did want to know how the boys managed to get past those sensory alarms, so she finally forced a change of subject by asking, "alright, now I'm curious. How were you getting in and out of Honeydukes?" Then she cocked her head to the side and probed further, "and besides that, how were you getting back into the passage without a wand?"

Remus couldn't help but release a surprised burst of laughter at the thunderstruck look on both her and Harry's faces, but Sirius was the one to chip his answer, "Because the sensory alarms they use only work on humans. So long as I snuck in there as a dog, the thing wouldn't go off. As for getting back in though," here he did pause and frown before huffing, "actually, I've got nothing. Suppose I hid out somewhere in the castle until the coast was clear, I still know plenty of nice little hiding holes, and snuck through a window or something from the first floor. Really shouldn't be too hard when no one would actually be looking for a dog*; or maybe I got Remus to open it after the fact. Either could work."

James couldn't stop a light smile of his own making an appearance at such a light topic to him as he commented, "it's really not as hard as you two seem to think it is to get in and out of that place."

Lily couldn't keep a triumphant smile off of her face as she watched the boys theorize a few other means for Sirius to do this, and sat back comfortably when James finally managed to keep going in normal tones.

Harry was happy to have this pointed out, as he knew that if his way into Hogsmeade was blocked off as well he'd never get back into the village.

"Which would be the crying shame of the century," Remus declared in a very serious tone of voice.

Ron had become an overnight celebrity,

"I'll bet he loved that," Sirius snickered lightly, ignoring the horrible wince that wanted to cause. At least someone was getting their kicks out of this.

as people were finally paying more attention to him then Harry,

"I'm sure that was just breaking your heart," James grinned over at Harry, who was smiling pleasantly at how happy he remembered Ron was then. This instant had finally driven Scabbers clear from his mind, it really had been the first time Ron had finally gone a full day without thinking of his pet, then he winced and rubbed at his temple as he so frequently did whenever Scabbers came to mind. Why though? Was he really just trying to remember the rat was still alive? Wouldn't this be a good thing for Ron, rather than leaving a sick feeling in the pit of his gut the longer he thought on this?

as students demanded to hear his retelling of the event which Ron was all too happy to provide.

"Glad someone in your group knows how to," James snickered.

He told how he'd thought at first he had just been asleep when he heard the tearing noise,

Then James smile dried right up when he saw he was clearly going to read exactly what Ron was telling people, something he'd gladly never discuss again until he heard Sirius' real account on the matter.

but then he blinked at the heart stopping image of the convict staring down at him.

James was trying his hardest to get through this as fast as possible, still unwilling to hear anyone's side of the story other than Sirius' himself, because there wasn't any other option. There had to be a logical, understandable reason for this madness!

He'd been holding a knife and preparing to stab when Ron started screaming, and Black made a run for it. Only after the awed students walked off did Ron turn to Harry and follow up with the question of why he'd run at all?

'Probably because he gave me a heart attack, yelling like that' Sirius mentally grumbled, but failed to say anything out loud since he was the last one who really wanted to linger on this.

Harry couldn't help but wonder the same thing, why hadn't Black just stabbed Ron and turned on Harry?

James practically hissed that out through gritted teeth in foul contempt that sentence could exist in any universe, as implausible and stupid as it was.

Harry tried to work it out, saying his cover had already been blown and if he'd delayed any longer then he would have woken up the whole house, then the teachers, he hadn't enough time.

"Humm, there's a logic to the madness," Sirius huffed without any traces of humor.

Neville was in the deepest of trouble.

"That poor thing," Lily cooed.

Sirius couldn't help but wince, now knowing this kid didn't really need his help to get into trouble but feeling bad it had been his fault.

McGonagall had taken away his privilege to go to Hogsmeade,

"Ouch," James winced, knowing from Harry's experience how awful that was going to be, and remembering earlier how hopeful he'd been that this would happen.

given him a detention, and he was no longer allowed to know the password.

"Now how would that work," Remus frowned, "actually that's pretty harsh. It's not like he did it on purpose."

"Guess I really scared the crap out of her," Sirius grumbled.

He had to wait every night among the trolls until someone arrived to let him in.

"That's just-" Lily choked, unable to decide if she was supposed to laugh at the security measures they kept trying to put up against Sirius, or continue grumbling along with the boys how unnecessary it was.

None of this was nearly as bad as the Howler he received.

"Dang," all five of them winced that time, knowing public humiliation like that was the worst form of punishment available.

Harry recognized the scarlet envelope the moment it landed on Neville's plate.

"Yeah, we remember," James shook his head in pity at that remembered incident.

Ron told Neville to make a run for it,

"Sound advice really," Sirius nodded.

and while Neville tried, sprinting out the doors to the echoing laughter of Slytherin's behind him,

"Oh," Lily scowled, "it can't really be that funny."

"I was pointing out Malfoy's group more than anything," Harry shrugged, "and they thought it was a riot."

he didn't get far. The whole hall heard Neville's grandmother magically yelling about how he'd disgraced the whole of the family.

"It's not like he did it on purpose," Lily finally snapped at how outrageous she found that claim. "I highly doubt Neville walked up to him and gave it to him, nor would he consciously leave it lying about!"

"I agree, poor Neville really doesn't deserve all of this," James sighed.

Harry had been watching after him sadly, so at first didn't notice Hedwig until she gave him a nip.

"Yeah, that'll do it," Harry muttered while rubbing at his wrist.

He took her offered letter and opened it as Hedwig began eating some of Neville's cereal.

That at least gave them a random laugh.

It contained the message that Harry and Ron were invited over at six, and in all capital letters to wait at the entrance hall for him to arrive.

"Really James," Lily sighed, "I'm glad that seemed to make you feel better, but it's a letter, you don't need to shout."

James gave her a wayward smile, not really seeming to regret it.

Hagrid signed off the bottom, and Ron got excited all over again as he guessed that Hagrid must want to hear his retelling of Black.

Sirius cocked his head to the side, he didn't really think so honestly, but he wasn't sure what it could be about either.

Lily on the other hand was beaming, more than pleased someone like Hagrid was around just to check up on them and make sure they were okay. She couldn't help but notice how absent Remus had continued to be during this year, surely he could have made an appearance to Harry again about anything, even something as trivial as talking about the next creature in class.

So the time came that they had to sprint past the security trolls,

"Can't honestly blame you," Remus chuckled.

and head down the stairs where they found Hagrid already waiting.

"I can see his point," James snickered a bit, "probably thought they wouldn't wait on him and got there an hour early."

Ron greeted him happily, confirming that Hagrid wanted to hear his account of Black's entrance. Hagrid said no, he'd heard enough about that, and Ron looked rather disappointed.

James looked the exact opposite, more than relieved he wouldn't have to read that all over again.

When they got to Hagrid's place, they found Buckbeak

"Which reminds me," Sirius said, happy for any kind of reason to talk about anything besides himself. "How's that research going on his case?"

Harry's mouth opened with a little pop, then he went bright red in the face.

"Oh, Harry you didn't," Lily moaned as she recognized the shame on his face.

"Err, it was the Firebolt, it err honestly drove Buckbeak right out of my mind, and err-"

"Relax Harry," Remus finally released him from his clearly pent up agitation at himself, "it's not like we blame you for forgetting, honestly I kind of forgot myself until Hagrid wrote you his letter. Fighting with Hermione, Scabbers and that broom, can't really blame you."

Harry still couldn't help but feel insanely guilty, he'd promised Hagrid he would help him and he had let such things drive out a promise to his friend. The others weren't yet sure what to say though, Harry should feel rightfully guilty for this but his actions were understandable for a child his age as well. So they kept silent and hoped Hagrid would have more to say.

on Hagrid's bed, eating some dead ferrets.

Lily crinkled up her nose, still wishing Hagrid would at least feed him that outside.

Looking away from that, Harry instead spotted a truly odd looking suit in Hagrid's size, and asked what the occasion was?

"A really bad and very late costume party I'd hope, but even then it hardly seems fitting," Sirius muttered.

Hagrid explained that it was for his case against the Committee, he'd set up their arrangement with some beds on the Knight Bus,

"I'm sure that'll be a sight for the other occupants," Remus snickered.

and Harry felt a horrible surge of guilt as he realized he'd forgotten all about this.

Harry continued sinking lower into himself the longer this dragged on, continued guilt indeed dragging him around. He was now convinced that if Buckbeak didn't win this case it would be all his fault.

One glance at Ron showed he had done the same, but before they could say anything Hagrid instead said he had something serious to discuss with them.

"Not as serious as I could," Sirius said at once, making James sigh and try to ignore his friend again.

"I swear that joke has popped up more in this book then any others," Remus grumbled with distaste.

When Harry asked what about, Hagrid said Hermione.

That startled all of them, Harry most of all as he'd been expecting Hagrid to tell him off for not helping out more.

Lily began smiling all over again though, relief washing through her as she really did hope now Hagrid was going to straighten these boys out and convince them they were being idiots about how they were treating their friend.

Ron wasn't pleased at the change of topic, but Hagrid told how she'd been down at his place. Ron pointed out that her cat had eaten Scabbers, and Hagrid said back that's just what cats do.

"Thank you," Remus sighed, in full agreement it was high time someone got it through Ron's head he may have been holding a bit too much of a grudge there. No one was arguing he had a right to be mad, but it wasn't something to lose your friendship over.

She'd been crying a bit,

Harry in particular winced horribly at that. He didn't have that many friends really, and now reflecting back on how he had treated her made him feel even worse. Between that and his residual guilt about Hagrid and Buckbeak, he looked so miserable Lily took pity on him and wrapped her arm around him for comfort. Yes, Harry really should feel guilty and she hoped it would teach him a lesson about this in the future, but since it was so clear how he was feeling now she hoped that was just as strong then and decided he was self-punishing enough.

and told them off for how they'd been treating her, making brooms and rats more important than their friend.

James gave Harry a wane smile, more than happy someone had reminded his son of that. He still looked so guilty none of them dared make fun of him for this.

Ron tried to argue back, saying he'd forgive her if she got rid of Crookshanks, but she was still sticking up for him.

"And he shouldn't really blame her," Sirius sighed, "as he'd be doing the same thing if things were reversed."

Hagrid pointed out that people could get a bit blind when it came to their pets, while Buckbeak spit out some bones onto Hagrid's pillow.

"Timing," Lily couldn't help but giggle.

They stayed late at Hagrid's, both boys trying to get in an apology about not helping out more with Buckbeak, which he waved off as he knew how busy they were. They went back to the castle and spotted when the next Hogsmeade trip was going to be. Ron asked Harry if he was still planning on going in?

"Course he's going," James scoffed, "he still hasn't got a reason not to!"

Harry was agreeing he would when Hermione made her appearance, already looking upset at the overheard conversation.

"Somehow, I think that apology they owe her isn't coming," Sirius sighed as he had a very bad feeling that yet another fight was fixing to break out instead.

She threatened that if Harry went again, she'd tell McGonagall about his map.

"What?" They all snapped.

"Damn Hermione, that's taking it too far," James scowled.

Lily sighed, she really wanted to agree that Hermione was being overtly paranoid, but decided enough was enough and put her foot down and truly defended her this time. "Alright you lot," she snapped before anyone else could say anything. "I'm sorry Sirius, but think about this from her position for a second. You've just gotten into the common rooms, the most secure part of the castle, you can't really sit around and blame her for being worried about Harry being so exposed in the open now. If it was anyone but you, you'd all agree Harry should stay in the castle where it's safe as well."

The boys hesitated before sighing and admitting that fine. The point was they weren't afraid of anything bad happening so they were looking at it another way, but decided harping on Hermione wasn't going to help.

Ron pretended he hadn't even heard.

"Harsh," Remus muttered with a wince.

Hermione still tried, saying Ron was being an idiot after Black had nearly killed him, and she was going to tattle if they didn't stop! Ron jumped that she was going to get Harry kicked out of school!

"They sure toss that word around a lot," James sighed, "but if we got expelled every time we'd snuck out of the castle we'd have set some sort of record by the end of first year."

"I still wouldn't want to get into trouble," Harry reminded, "nor would I want to be asked how I'd gotten in and out."

Hermione wasn't going to back down, until her cat jumped on her lap. Hermione froze up, before scooping him into her arms and bolting upstairs.

"Almost a good thing," Sirius couldn't help but sigh, "that conversation just couldn't have ended well."

Ron kept going like Hermione had never been there, pointing out that Harry hadn't even gotten to see Zonko's last time.

"An actual crime against your age," James nodded seriously.

Harry agreed he'd still go, but he was taking the Cloak.

"Glad you learned that lesson," Sirius approved.

The next morning Harry made it as clear as possible he was waving goodbye to Ron and heading back to the tower with a watchful Hermione's eyes on him.

"You gotten any better at that," Remus snickered, "because you still don't have a very good poker face."

"I've no idea if it fooled her," Harry said with a shrug, dearly hoping it had as he didn't really want to get caught or told on.

He called out a last farewell to Ron, who winked as he passed.

"Subtle," Sirius snorted.

He made to sneak away and go to the statue, when he ran into Neville.

"Damn," they couldn't help but curse, finding that some pretty bad timing.

"Don't suppose you'll just invite him," Remus sighed without any real hope.

"I doubt it," Harry shook his head.

He spotted Harry and said he'd forgotten Harry couldn't go to Hogsmeade either.

"I kind of want to know what he was even doing around there," James sighed, it wasn't a place students normally visited without knowledge of where they were going, especially on off days.

Then he offered to play a game with Harry, who quickly lied and said he had a homework assignment over vampires for Lupin due.

"Jeesh Remus, you know you really could go a lesson without assigning homework," Sirius sighed.

"At least it wasn't two rolls of parchment," Harry smirked.

Neville eagerly asked to join, saying he hadn't finished his either.

"I feel so bad for Neville," Lily frowned, "he obviously wants someone to hang out with. Would it really kill you to let Ron alone for the day and be with him."

Harry winced in sympathy. At the time he'd been absolutely focused on getting into Hogsmeade to be with his friend, he'd not even stopped to consider how Neville must be feeling at the time. If he sat around and thought about it now, he probably would go back and just stay with Neville for the day.

Harry had to quickly rethink and say he had in fact finished that essay.

"You're lying has actually managed to get increasingly worse as time goes on," James snickered.

Neville then asked if Harry could instead help him, unclear on the garlic thing and if they had to eat it or what?

"Tsk tsk Remus, how could you not have covered that in class," Sirius mock scolded.

Remus ignored him and turned to Harry, asking, "did you already do your essay?"

"I'd started it," Harry said evasively, most likely meaning he'd written his name on a sheaf of parchment.

Chuckling Remus then said, "well in answer, it only has to be around them to affect them, in fact getting a vampire to eat garlic would be a miracle even if it would kill them."

Harry didn't get a chance to answer as Snape arrived.

"Oh bloody hell," the boys muttered, automatically annoyed whenever he showed up for any reason.

Neville took a step behind Harry.

Lily scowled all over again, her hatred for that reminder never not making her want to get to her feet and give him more than a telling off.

Snape glared at the two, asking why they'd met there? Then his eyes flickered to the statue.

"You know, he did catch us meeting up there quite a bit," James nodded in remembrance, "I can't really say I'm surprised if he's suspicious."

"Still a paranoid arse," Sirius scowled.

Harry tried to say that they weren't meeting there on purpose, they'd just met there.

"Yes, I'm so sure he believed that clarification," Remus snorted.

Snape clearly didn't buy it, telling Harry he tended to be in places he wasn't supposed to.

"As far as he's concerned," Lily scowled, "when have you ever really been anywhere you aren't supposed to be?" She didn't really think he was referring to all of his crazy stunts he'd pulled during last year and the year before, as he probably didn't know much about those then the barest of facts, so his claim was still pretty biased.

"Like that's ever stopped him making snide comments," James huffed.

Then he told them both to get back to their common room.

Harry rolled his eyes that time, growing quite tired of constantly being told he was supposed to spend every waking moment in that tower instead of roaming the castle like every other student.

The two boys walked off, Harry glancing back to find Snape running his hand over the statue's head.

"Like he'll figure it out," Sirius said with confidence. It had taken them doing a favor for one of the paintings just to get a hint, no way could Snape really know.

Harry finally got rid of Neville as he lied and said he'd left his homework in the Library, giving him the password before running off.

"That'll work," Remus sighed, still half wishing Harry would have told him and brought him along, having noted for quite some time it never really mentioned Neville hanging out with any of his friends, but knowing by now it wasn't worth bringing it up to Harry. It seemed all the more harsh since Harry wouldn't be back for hours, and Neville would just feel dumped.

Harry pulled out his map and found Snape down in his office.

"Wish he wouldn't come out of there, ever," Sirius huffed.

He quickly made his way through the proper channels and finished his route to the cellar.

"He's already such a pro," James gave a satisfied sigh, pretending to wipe a proud tear away, though the feeling itself was real.

When he did get there, he had to explain to Ron in a whisper from under the cloak that he'd been held up by Snape. The journey was confusing for Ron as they left the shop, as he constantly whispered where Harry was?

"A fair question," Remus snickered, a few occasions coming to mind of when they'd done something similar, though normally it was for a set up to a prank.

"Though not recommended, otherwise people are going to wonder why you're talking to yourself," Sirius snorted.

They went inside Zonko's,

"One of the most important shops in there," James nodded seriously.

where they found uncountable prank items that would make Fred and George turn green with envy,

"Wouldn't surprise me if they have that store completely memorized," Sirius chuckled.

and each bought a set of items.

"Completely worth it then," Remus agreed.

Then they made their way to the back of the village, towards the Shrieking Shack.

All three boys now had nostalgic smiles creeping across their faces, having spent so many long hours in that place it almost felt as much a home to them as Hogwarts itself.

They got to the top and Ron explained that even the schools ghosts didn't go in there.

"I'm fairly sure that's because Dumbledore asked them not to, once I started hanging around in there," Remus shrugged, "added to the fear factor."

Ron had even heard Fred and George had tried to break in, but couldn't get past any of the windows or doors.

"All the visible ones," Sirius smirked.

"I don't know why they tried," Lily rolled her eyes, "what do they think they're going to find in there?"

"That's the fun of it," James explained, "finding out."

Harry was starting to feel a little stuffy under his cloak, and was just considering taking it off for some air when they heard approaching voices.

"Typical," Remus rolled his eyes.

They didn't have to wait long to find Malfoy,

"Gah," Sirius ground out in frustration, "what the bloody hell is with their rotten timing."

and his two friends coming up, talking loudly about how Malfoy's dad should be sending him a letter soon telling how the trail went their way, and he'd been there to testify on his son's behalf for not having his arm for months.

Sirius scowled and grumbled something, still unable to believe anyone could be so intent on getting one guy in so much trouble. What had Hagrid ever done to this kid?

Crabbe and Goyle laughed.

"Trollishly, with absolutely no brains of their own," James continued as if reading that.

"No need for that James, we already knew it," Lily smirked.

Malfoy was lamenting he wished he could have been there in person to watch Hagrid defend him,

"Wish your arse would get expelled for starting this mess," Remus scowled.

when he saw Ron and grinned.

"Well this can't be good," Lily's frown deepened as she assessed this situation. Malfoy thought Ron was up there on his own, and if Harry helped him he'd most likely get caught. This could cause a huge mess.

He laughed when he saw what Ron was looking at, declaring that the old shack looked like a palace compared to the box his family must live in.

Harry ground his teeth together in frustration, dearly hoping he used the opportunity he had in 0hand to get some well-deserved revenge on Malfoy.

Ron looked like he was going to go at Malfoy, but Harry grabbed him,

"Do you ever let your friend have any fun?" Sirius demanded with a pout.

"I'm with Sirius on this one," Remus scoffed in agitation, "he deserves anything Ron would do for that comment."

Harry looked at his mother, expecting her to say something, but she simply shrugged and said, "I'd rather you not get in trouble for what I know you're about to do, but so long as you're not expelled, I agree. It'll be worth it."

James laughed boisterously, nearly bouncing in place at what this could mean.

and whispered to him that he'd deal with it.

"Yes!" All of the boys cheered, more than pleased at the opportunity's this could have.

Harry began sneaking around behind them, eyes on a puddle of mud.

Sirius was practically vibrating in place he was stifling his laughter so much. Harry wasn't even using a spell, which gave him all the more deniability.

As Malfoy continued to mock Ron, Harry scooped up a bit, and chucked with perfect aim as the brown goop landed in Malfoy's hair.

James had to stop reading for several minutes, he was too busy catching his breath back with laughter. This little brat had deserved some retribution for so long now, that this visual image was one he knew he'd treasure for as long as possible. He only kept going because he recognized there was still potential mayhem to come.

Malfoy spun around, demanding to know who'd done that,

"Karma," Lily smirked.

while Ron tried to keep himself upright while voicing how haunted he'd heard this place was.

Remus almost fell off the couch laughing at Ron's very appropriate comment.

Crabbe and Goyle were looking very unsure now, knowing their muscles wouldn't do any good against ghosts.

"Not much use at all really," Sirius said brightly, since neither moron would find their target with Harry keeping the cloak on.

Harry was still busy though, instead walking around towards a puddle of green sludge, and throwing that towards the bullies.

Lily had to keep her hand firmly in lock around her mouth to try and muffle her giggling at the mental image of all of this, while the boys weren't even trying so it was getting kind of hard to hear the rest, which only made James read louder.

The other two got some in the face that time as Malfoy snapped he'd seen it coming from half a dozen feet away from where Harry really was.

Remus tried to make a comment, but he was still laughing to hard and couldn't suck in the air to do so.

Crabbe tried to blunder forward, arms outstretched, but Harry whacked him with a stick forcing him to do a pirouette.

"You're killing me," Sirius wheezed, not looking any kind of upset if this was how he was to go.

Goyle instead tried to turn at Ron,

Lily couldn't help but wince now, she hadn't seen that coming, but didn't even bother to linger on it as she knew Harry wouldn't let his friend get hurt by that thug.

and Harry cut him off by sticking out his leg, which the brute managed to catch the hem of his cloak as he fell.

"Bollocks," the four boys suddenly hissed, most traces of amusement starting to disappear at once. They really couldn't go just one chapter with pure amusement could they?

The cloak almost fell free, revealing Harry's head. Malfoy just stood there for a second, staring,

"Well it was fun while it lasted," James groaned, sinking back into his seat and closing his eyes for a moment, imagining all the horrible outcomes this could cause, before reading on in a grave tone now as he, naively he was sure, hoped nothing to bad would happen because of this.

before screaming,

Remus still couldn't help a lingering snicker at that. Of all the reactions he could have had, screaming in fright like that had to be his favorite.

and running for it with his friends on his heels.

"Well that was fun," Sirius still had a small smile in place. "Don't suppose you can do it again some time."

"I hope so," Harry laughed, his joy at getting his payback to those bullies making up for any punishment he may get. He couldn't really put a finger on it, but he got the feeling whatever punishment it was, wasn't even too bad.

Ron was telling Harry he'd better get back before Malfoy tells what he'd seen.

"Not like anyone would believe him," Lily said without any real hope. One teacher in particular came to mind who would believe anything Malfoy says, and would love to get Harry into trouble.

"As far as they know, Harry has no way to get there. They would think Malfoy was making something up to get Harry into trouble."

"Any other teacher would believe that," James grumbled, knowing the anxious tones in Lily's voice meant she was thinking of Snape being the only exception to that, just like they were.

Harry agreed and called he'd meet up with him later,

"Not even a compliment on how brilliant that was," Sirius sighed, though he personally understood the need for urgency now. Ron could give congratulations later in private.

and ran back to Honeydukes, worrying if Malfoy would believe what he'd just seen.

"Most likely. I'll doubt he's known for his imagination," Remus grumbled.

If he'd tell anyone?

"I can think of one," Harry huffed.

No one knew he had the cloak, except Dumbledore.

"Uhoh," all five of them muttered, having honestly forgotten about that. It was true though, if Snape took this to Dumbledore like he surely would, would the headmaster do something against Harry? Would he take away his cloak even?

Harry was racing along, trying to get back to the castle, wondering how long it would take Malfoy to come across a teacher?

"Not long," Sirius scowled, "since the little brat's probably got the way memorized, all the time he's snitched on other kids."

He reached the end of the tunnel and tucked his cloak away into a corner still inside, deciding if he did get caught he didn't want that to be on him.

"Very good thinking," James praised. If Harry didn't have that on him, even Dumbledore couldn't really prove what Harry had done. Maybe he really would get away with this!

Then he scrambled out and tried to put on an innocent face as he heard someone heading his way.

"Bloody hell," Remus groaned, "couldn't even make it back to the dormitory."

It was Snape.

"Oh for the love of Merlin!" Sirius cried in exasperation. "Him! Why would he even go there first, that's not even on the way to Gryffindor tower!"

"Suspicious, nosy, paranoid, git-" James kept grumbling under his breath, and probably would have kept going if Sirius didn't nudge him and say, "and many more mate, but keep going."

Sighing in resignation, James accepted.

Harry did his best to look casual, which may not have been working to well with his red face, which could have been why Snape greeted him with a 'so.'

"So what?" Remus snipped quietly.

He looked quite pleased as he glared down at Harry, who shoved his mud covered hands inside his pocket.

Lily face palmed, not even needing to point out how ineffective that really was.

He told Harry to follow him, while Harry was trying to wipe his hands clean inside his pockets.

"Good luck with that," James sighed without any confidence. He was still trying to console himself that this would have to be taken up with McGonagall before something too bad could be done, and she wouldn't do anything that couldn't be proven. James was confident that she actually couldn't prove he'd snuck into Hogsmeade, so aside from maybe some house points being taken away by Snape for, well being Snape, nothing too bad should happen.

They went to Snape's office,

Lily ground her teeth together in frustration, more than sick of him trying to dole out punishment for Harry when he didn't have anything to do with him.

which Harry had only been in once before when he'd been in serious trouble.

"Well I am always in trouble, but why would you bring it up now," Sirius quipped, smirking wildly and at least making Harry laugh, who hadn't heard the never ending array that joke could be used. Not yet. Give it till the end of his seventh year, maybe by then.

He noticed Snape had gotten his hands on a few more jars filled with things.

"One's probably his own heart," Remus hissed into Sirius' ear.

"He'd have to have one first," Sirius muttered right back, trying to suppress a snicker.

Snape closed the door and told Harry to sit, which he did.

Sirius scowled with the height of distaste, a horrible dog joke coming to mind that made him want to strangle Snivellus all over again.

Snape began by saying that Malfoy had come to him with an odd tale, how he'd been minding his own business out in Hogsmeade when he'd come across Ron, seemingly on his own. Harry said nothing.

"Best recommendation at this point," Lily agreed, rubbing her brows in preparation for what could come.

Then Mr. Malfoy had been having a pleasant chat with Weasley,

Remus couldn't help but grind his teeth in frustration at this continued and obvious favoritism, even in the way he addressed the students.

"A chat," Sirius scoffed in disgust, but James didn't even bother since they were all aware of what a load of bull that was.

when he'd seen something odd. Harry tried to look surprised,

"I get the feeling you could be a prize winning actor and you couldn't convince him of that look," James sighed.

and Snape began glaring at Harry meeting his eyes. Harry tried not to blink, remembering his hippogriff lesson.

"Not a bad comparison, though I still favor the hippogriff," Sirius nodded in agreement.

Then Snape continued that Malfoy had seen Harry's head. Harry tried to put some concern in his voice that maybe he should go up to the hospital wing if Malfoy was seeing things-

The three boys on the couch lost it, cracking up with unrestrained laughter at Harry's attempts to play that off. Lily couldn't help a twitching smile as well, snickers coming through as she really did picture this from some other teachers point of view and how that would sound.

James was quick to get his breath back though, knowing that if Harry could keep this up in front of Snape, he should get out from McGonagall in no time, and just be more careful the next time he went out. Also he realized he owed Harry an apology, that was a beautiful on the spot fib.

Snape cut him off by saying that Harry's head wasn't allowed out there, no part of his body was.

"I didn't know the form was body part specific," Remus was still chuckling in between bits of speech, "maybe someone should specify that."

Harry agreed he was aware, and again voiced Malfoy should be checked if he was having hallucinations. Snape cut him off again, telling him that Malfoy was not the one with the problem as he leaned down into Harry's face.

That dried up most of their humor, each of them scowling at the threat that he needed to back up now on the tip of all of their tongues. He had no right to be getting in Harry's face like that! His bully like behavior was getting progressively worse as the years wore on, and it was ripping at every one of their nerves.

Telling Harry that if his head had been in there, so was the rest of him.

"Now that's just a tad presumptuous," Sirius defended halfheartedly, trying for a smile he no longer felt.

Harry deflected he'd been up in his common room, and Snape demanded if anyone could back that up.

James quickly snapped his mouth shut with worry, his mind quickly flickering to Neville and wondering if he could possibly be convinced to lie for Harry for this very important matter... there was a chink he hadn't thought of. Glancing up at his son, he comforted himself that he still didn't think any of this was bad enough for expulsion. After all they'd been caught out all the time, so there really was no way it would go that far bad. With that slightly comforting thought he kept going.

Harry didn't answer, causing Snape to smile.

"Didn't even know he could form that," Sirius hissed.

He was almost pleased now as he taunted Harry that despite the whole world out there trying to protect famous Harry Potter from Sirius Black, the boy was going to do what he wanted and be damned what came of it.

Lily opened and closed her mouth several times in outrage, so many insults welling up she didn't know where to start! The very first of which was 'stop treating him like James!' While an outsider may be able to see the point Snape was making, his opinion he'd just foisted was completely biased! The other boys were muttering their own foulings, but James was far too used to this kind of thing, no matter how enraged it made him to hear it being thrown at his son, so he forced himself to keep going, wanting to find out the punishment already.

Harry still said nothing, knowing Snape couldn't prove anything.

"There's the bright side," Remus sighed.

Snape was still goading Harry, telling him how much like his father he was.

James gave a wane smile, looking over to his spitting image and stating, "to be perfectly honest, I actually find more of your mother's spirit in you then me, looks aside obviously."

Lily giggled a bit, not at all disagreeing with that statement. Sirius and Remus exchanged a look before shrugging, agreeing out loud with that. Harry clearly did have his father's knack for causing trouble, though not nearly in the same way. In fact if they did pile it up, Harry was a lot like Lily in her school days. Maybe that was what was pissing Snape off more than anything.

How exceedingly arrogant a man James Potter had been,

"Exceedingly is a bit much-" James began, but one snort of disbelief from his wife and James slunk back to the book with only a semichasted look.

how just a bit of prows at the game of Quidditch,

"Now that was just rude," Sirius grumbled, completely ignoring Lily's now rolling eyes.

had made him think he was better than anyone as well. He could always be seen strutting about the castle to his many fans, and just how much Harry truly acted like this.

Remus was torn between wanting to laugh in remembrance of the many times he could count James acting like a loon in front of his peers, what he thought Snape meant, and wanting to defend his friend, so he was left with an odd expression which the others ignored.

Harry snapped back that his dad never strutted!

"Oh yes he did," Lily rolled her eyes with far more affection than her husband ever would have believed coloring her tone in speaking of this. Harry looked mildly startled, but she was still going "but to his credit, his arrogance started to wain out, something I don't think Snape ever noticed."

"At least you did," James smiled over at her, earning a bright curl of the lips right back.

And neither did he!

"Now that I absolutely believe," Sirius agreed.

Snape was getting more pleased now at clearly having pushed Harry's buttons, telling how James Potter had never given anyone who wasn't a Quidditch winner so much as a glance, his head was so big- Harry lost his temper and told him to shut up!

While James had looked mildly annoyed while reading this, it was hardly the most insulting thing he'd ever heard come from this guy's mouth. No, the worst part was him saying this to his son!

Harry didn't know a thing about him, this definitely wasn't some of the things he'd like being boasted around. He kept it bottled up though, pride and glee cracking through when Harry finally cracked and said what needed saying.

Harry was on his feet now, just as angry then as he'd been back on Marge's incident on Private Drive.

"People are taking a lot of shots at you this year aren't they," Sirius grimaced in disgust.

"Least Harry keeps them in their place," Remus pacified.

Harry was honestly surprised, they didn't seem nearly as upset about this as they had that previous chapter, but then he realized that they probably heard this type of thing so often from Snape that it just rolled off of them. Coming from someone like Marge had hurt far worse because of the terrible way she'd slammed it into Harry without ever having even met him.

Snape's hand twitched towards his pocket.

Lily made a 'tch' noise of disbelief, knowing he wouldn't dare raise a wand to her son, or he'd lose that whole arm. Besides, he definitely deserved that one.

Harry didn't back down though, repeating that Snape needed to shut up about his dad! Dumbledore had told him the truth, about how his dad had saved Snape's life.

All three boys twitched with discomfort at that unfriendly reminder, and Harry frowned in confusion. Of course he remembered that coming up during the first book, and how they'd managed to hedge around the question, never having gotten the full story. What about it could be so bad that the three of them looked almost as bad as when he'd thrown that in Snape's face?

James looked the opposite of eager about explaining this, and hoping to forestall Harry asking, kept reading in hopes something else would distract him.

Snape scowled, demanding to know if Dumbledore had told him the whole story? Harry hesitated, and it was enough of an answer for Snape to continue.

James face twisted with even more unease, this was the opposite of what he'd been hoping for. What could he do though? Either he turn and tell Harry now about the worst fight the Marauders ever had, or he let Snape come up with some half-truth that he would have seen which would paint a far more horrible light.

He was still debating, dearly wanting to put this off, when Sirius released a horrible suffering sigh and groaned, "alright, alright. This is something I never wanted you to hear, but I guess I'd rather it come from me then him."

Harry was frowning in genuine concern at Sirius as he started to explain what exactly had happened that night. Starting with how he'd taunted Snape by telling him Remus' secret location under the Whomping Willow and how everything had spiraled out of control from there. He left out the part where his friends had blamed him as much as Snape for the cruel prank, how they hadn't spoken to him for months afterwards. He didn't bother with the defenses he'd used back then, how he'd never have believed Snape would take him at his word and really go check it out, no he wouldn't try and save face so many years later in front of Harry.

Once he was done he braced himself, eyeing Harry with more fear than any of them could ever imagine could cross his face. Sirius couldn't help it though, he honestly was expecting for Harry to have a sudden revelation. Now that he realized he was capable of murder, whether unintentionally or not, could this possibly jog Harry's memories? Make him remember something that would connect what the Ministry was saying about him in his own time? He'd seemed adamant so far, but...

"So, it was an accident," Harry confirmed, watching him critically. At the stunned look on his Godfather's face, Harry's relaxed into his more natural easy going look and continued, "err, at least, well I understand you'd never do anything like that on purpose. Sure it was dumb, but I can hardly judge and say I've never done something that bad before."

"You've hardly sent Ron into the den of one of your best friends the night he was to turn into a werewolf," Sirius rebutted, still looking like he was sitting on a hot seat. James elbowed him, hard, making Sirius slink away from him and rub at his side absently.

Remus was quick to say, "knock it off Sirius, this is something long over. Harry's decided the same thing we did, err, in the end." He finished lamely, not really meeting anyone's eyes.

Lily was watching all of them with general mixed feelings. She vividly remembered the time in school where four Marauders became three for quite a few months. This had happened a few days after she'd officially stopped talking to Snape, so she hadn't really known anyone who even had the slightest idea why this could be. All she knew was that after that terrible Quidditch game where Sirius had been knocked out of the air, things seemed to have patched up between the lot. She found it fascinating to finally get the full story on this, but kept her opinion of it to herself since it was basically the same as Harry's.

Sirius still looked miserable at the reminder, James and Remus very uncomfortable with the whole topic, though both of them still clearly defending him made it clear they didn't really hold a grudge anymore. Still, when Harry didn't say anything else, James decided to turn to the book and managed to read out whatever tosh Snape had strung together from that.

Telling how James Potter had not been a saint in saving Snape's life, but was out there for his own skin. How he and his friends had tried to pull a joke on him, and he would have died if James hadn't chickened out before they could go through with it. Of course they had backed out because they hadn't wanted to get expelled.

"Is that what he thought?" Sirius muttered, still slumped into the couch and looking as surely as any other time his name had been mentioned so far, this possibly being the least pleasant reminder to date! James absently kicked him to get him to shut it, still wanting to get past this as fast as possible.

Then Snape switched tactics and told Harry to empty his pockets.

"Still doesn't prove a thing," Remus muttered.

Harry hesitated, and Snape said that if he didn't they'd go up to Dumbledore.

"Honestly I think we'd all prefer that," Lily groused.

Harry did, revealing his bag of Zonko's treats and the blank map. Snape picked up the Zonko's bag, and Harry quickly said Ron had given that to him from the last time he'd been there.

"You've gotten so much better at those on the spot type lies," James praised with warmth, ignoring Lily's rolling eyes at thinking the same thing.

Snape sneered that Harry had kept them on him this whole time?

"Okay, getting caught with them is still kind of bad," Remus agreed with a wince as they could possibly implicate Harry in some other bad things, "but it's still not proof he'd been to Hogsmeade."

Then he picked up the map, and Harry quickly said that was just some spare parchment.

Snape wasn't impressed, saying it looked so old they may as well throw it out.

"Why would he?" Sirius demanded, finally distracted enough to look grumpy at this particular subject now. "Is he baiting Harry, it's not like he could know what that was."

"That's all I can think of," James agreed.

He went to toss it into the fire, and Harry shouted at him to stop. Snape was obviously pleased now, asking if this was yet another gift from his friend?

"Yes," Remus said, his eyes lighting up with glee all of a sudden. "If Harry goes with that, or if Snape doesn't believe him and tries for himself," he trailed off with a surprising burst of laughter that left Harry and Lily stumped. James looked quite pleased though, and seemed to be hoping something along the same lines. He didn't give the two out of the know the chance to ask though.

Then he speculated what else it could be, like some secret way to get into Hogsmeade that didn't involve traveling past dementors.

"Actually, he's not too far off," Lily muttered.

When Harry didn't answer, Snape pulled out his wand and tapped the parchment, telling it to reveal its secrets.

James lost it for a moment, forced to stop reading so that he could let out his own bursting laughter in anticipation for what was about to happen. Sirius and Remus weren't fairing much better, their faces bright red with anticipation for this. James wrangled himself back under control and continued almost normally.

Nothing happened, and Harry had to remind himself to keep breathing.

Lily's curiosity was beginning to wane out as she said, "are you lot really laughing like idiots because he can't get it to work? That's hardly so funny."

"Wait for it," James insisted, his eyes shining with so much held in laughter it was a wonder he could still see straight.

Then Snape instead said his full name and false title as ruler of this school for this object to tell what it knew while hitting it with his wand again.

"Yes!" Sirius cheered, that had been exactly what they'd been waiting for! Harry didn't bother to ask this time, but instead bounced eagerly so he could hear the punchline of this built up joke as well.

Finally something did happen, and the map activated, but not in the usual way. Instead words were appearing like someone was writing it down, and it said 'Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.'

All of the boys lost it, Sirius even falling off the couch laughing and still unable to stop himself. Lily was watching them with a combination of annoyance and repressed humor. She dearly wanted to ask if they'd somehow specialized this just for Snape, but somehow expected otherwise. She remembered one memorable occasion where a Ravenclaw had come across some old scrap of parchment Peter had been holding, and the then Head Boy had demanded to know what it was. When Peter had said nothing, the boy had rightfully not believed that having prior experience with all of the Marauders, and took it away and performed a similar command on the paper. Lily had never seen what had become of all this, but the boy had looked highly offended, and Peter was cracking up laughing while telling that it was a joke bit of parchment where if you said your name, it was charmed to insult you. With this memory floating back to the surface, she could no longer repress it and was laughing downy near as hard as the others, even as James sucked air back into his lungs and read out the next bit.

Both Harry and Snape froze up, but more words continued appearing: 'Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.'

Sirius hadn't recovered from the first comment, and was remarkably able to double up his amusement, though how that was possible none of them had been sure. Maybe it was an overreaction, it really wasn't even that funny or creative an insult, but they all had the sneaking suspicion that Sirius had been under so much stress for literally all day now, he was letting loose a lot of pent up feelings in releasing as much laughter as possible in these opportune moments now, so still snickering along himself, James kept reading.

Harry may have laughed if this wasn't such a serious situation.

Sirius couldn't have made the joke right now even if he wanted to, he was too invested in continuing to listen to his most prized possession insult someone in the most poetic of justice ways possible.

The map was still going, the next one saying: 'Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor.'

"My sentiments exactly," Remus agreed fondly, still watching Sirius come back to earth just slightly as his exploding laughter began backing down in cackling, still rubbing at his ribs and brushing tears out of his eyes as he listened to the final one.

The map finished its final words with: 'Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball.'

"That," Harry told them, slightly red in the face himself from laughing so hard, "was bloody brilliant. How on earth did you get it to do that?"

"Charm wasn't that hard," Remus waved away, "all you have to do is command it to obey you while stating your name and those kinds of things will pop up."

"The reason Padfoot here lost his arse during it," James continued while looking down at his friend with all the amusement he had, "is that he tried to convince us for ages to pull this on him during school. Just leave it about one day and Snape was sure to do it, the pompous git would never not if he knew it belonged to us. He's now getting to witness a prank we'd never done."

"And enjoying every last second of it," Sirius murmured, face flushed with excitement as he sat upright and looked at the book with the first real affection. This was still the worst possible day of his life hands down, but that little moment right there had almost made it all worth it.

In between girlish giggles, Lily managed to get out, "well I hope that convinces Snape enough that you haven't been up to anything. You could have just as easily gotten that from Zonko's along with the other stuff Ron got you."

James really hoped that were the case, as he didn't have any more to go at Harry with.

Snape huffed and stalked over to his fire, tossing some green powder into it.

"What on earth?" Sirius began in surprise, having not seen this coming one bit, but James wasn't giving him the chance to question it too much as he read.

Then he spoke into the flames, calling for Lupin to come to his office.

"Why!?" Lily spluttered in shock. Of all the teachers for him to have summoned and consult, why him?

"Do you think he knew?" Remus asked curiously. "That it used to be mine? I really didn't think he'd recognize it."

"Well he did stalk us enough," James said with a perturbed look, "but even if he did put that together, and bloody hell that's a leap since he'd have no way of knowing how Harry got that, that it was the exact same one even, what's he expect you to do? Admit to it all? You don't even know Harry has it."

They were all stumped beyond reason of Snape's logic with this, but hoped that reading would help them out.

Said Professor appeared, stepping out of the fire and dusting off the soot and looking around in confusion.

"Bet I was every bit as confused by that summons," Remus told, still finding it odd now with the proper backstory.

Lupin asked why he was here in a mild tone.

"Be happy that was mild rather than blistering," Lily muttered into Harry's ear, who nodded despite not having needed that, he now understood better than ever the animosity between his family and Snape.

Snape agreed he had while going back to his desk, looking more furious than ever.

'Pretty sure that's not all for Harry's circumstances' James mentally grumbled, imagining Snape might have summoned Remus just to have a little more time to berate him in front of Harry.

He explained Harry's circumstances and pointed out the map, and Lupin's face closed off.

"I can only imagine," Remus laughed for now, fairly sure how mind boggling he'd be at Harry coming across that on his own.

Snape had to prompt him to speak, and Harry got the feeling Lupin was having to think fast.

"You choose now to freeze up eh?" Sirius demanded with a crooked smirk, since he was normally the one to come up with the best excuses of the lot of them.

"I'd like to see you do one better with this," Remus shot right back, even now scrambling for a reason Harry would have this, while pressing past the shock of him having it, and probably having to skip over several bumpy memories in the process of shock.

Snape spoke up again, saying how this bit of paper clearly held Dark Magic.

Lily gave a derisive snort of mirth as she mocked, "oh please, it insulted him, it didn't curse him. When did he become so dramatic?"

None of the boy's fancied adding on to that, torn between wanting to laugh and fearing anything they did say Lily still wouldn't be pleased with no matter what she said now.

Lupin looked to Harry then, warning him to keep silent.

"I would have without the look," Harry shrugged, "I was as wound up as you trying to come up with some way out of this."

Then he began that Dark Magic was a bit much, it was obviously just a bit of parchment that insulted you.

"I'd take his word on this," James said with a straight face, "call me crazy, but for some odd reason I think he knows what he's talking about."

Sirius began snickering again, and Remus didn't look much better.

He admitted it was childish,

"Oi," Sirius hooted in protest, "this was my idea!"

"And I called it childish then to," Remus reminded with a smirk in place.

but most likely just a mild prank. Snape looked even more angry now.

"What did he expect?" Lily rolled her eyes in contempt. "Did he honestly think you were going to side with him, try and get Harry into trouble for this?"

"Still have no idea," Harry sighed.

Snape insisted that he thought Harry had gotten it from the manufacturers.

That stopped James cold, sharing a stunned look with his friends as they realized they may have been wrong, and Snape really had made that leap. Harry understood far better now than he would have then, asking, "why on earth would he think one of you had given it to me?"

"I've no idea," Sirius admitted, head cocked to the side as he eyed the book, "guess he does know it was ours, maybe the nicknames or something gave it away, but what is he thinking? I gave it to you? There's no way you'd have accepted it considering what you think of me then-" he covered the horrible wince poorly, but kept going anyways. "That means he either thinks you inherited it from James, or Remus gave it to you just this year."

"While I can kind of see him thinking I'd do it," Remus shrugged, "why would he call me in to ask? Even if I had, what's it to him if I did, it's not illegal."

"Trying to trip you up maybe," James offered, "showing special treatment to Harry. As for him getting it from me, that could also be true, he hasn't caught Harry with it the previous two years so for all he knows..." he trailed off, but no one had any real idea what Snape was really thinking.

Even Lily felt stumped trying to understand his logic in this, though this stung far more than she was expecting it to. There was a time where she had perfectly understood her best friends every motion and idea before he said it, now she couldn't begin to fathom this one. It was more than disconcerting to realize how far apart they'd come, no matter how many times she realized it.

With no answers, James was hoping Remus might have some better insight while talking to Snape so read.

Harry had no idea what that could mean, and Lupin didn't seem to either.

"Well if there's one thing he can do, it's play dumb," Sirius agreed with a smirk, taking the smack Remus gave him for the tone without remorse.

He tried to laugh it off, referring to the Mr. Wormtail.

Remus' face gave an odd twitch, guessing that having to say any of those names in this time period would have been pretty wrenching for him.

Then he asked Harry if he knew any of those people. Harry said he didn't, and Lupin looked like the matter was settled as he decided it was probably just a Zonko gift. Ron came sprinting in then.

"Timing!" Sirius cried with glee, Harry's best friend getting major brownie points with him if he stormed in and backed all of this up like he hoped.

He was red faced and doubled over from panting,

"Well that's not an encouraging start," Lily groaned, eying the book with fear as she realized what Snape would have, why would he be so out of breath and freaking out if Harry wasn't supposed to be in trouble?

but quickly said that he'd given Harry all of that stuff.

"I'm so proud," James fake sniffled, using the corner of the page to pretend to wipe away a tear, while real pride was welling up in him for Ron cottoning on and being the perfect alibi right when Harry needed him.

Lupin looked all too happy now as he brushed his hands together,

"I'm positive it was taking everything in me not to burst out laughing at that display," Remus snickered now.

and decided that was that. He picked the map back up and put it inside his own coat.

"Thank Merlin," Sirius breathed, having feared Snape might still try to confiscate that and keep it away from Harry, but then his eyes lit up all over again as he crowed, "oh sweet! Do you lot know what this could mean?"

"Harry and Ron get to go rub it in the twins face they got away with this," James answered.

"Well that to," Sirius agreed, before turning on Remus and nearly bouncing in pleasure as he said, "but, this could be your window! You've been stalling all this time probably because of how weird it would be for you to get started explaining this to him, but this could be perfect for you! Pulling him aside and explaining the manufacturing comment to Harry."

His eyes were shining with so much bright hope and happiness, Remus didn't have the heart to tell him that he doubted this as much as Sirius thought it to be true. He'd made it perfectly obvious in this future he wanted as little to do with Harry as possible, which made him feel like he was being skinned alive now, but it had been so long since he'd seen Sirius back to full jubilant life he only nodded and added his agreement he hoped this to be true, while bracing himself by leaning away in preparation for the opposite.

The other three noticed what Sirius refused to take note of, and were all equally torn at both possibilities. James couldn't think of anything to say though, deciding not to address it until after whatever happened.

He called Harry and Ron after him, saying he wanted to ask something about the homework he'd assigned them.

"Subtle," Lily muttered under her breath, though not loud enough to interrupt as she was just as eager as anyone for Remus blatantly pulling Harry aside, a good start.

He led them up to the main entrance, but before Harry could say anything Lupin cut in that he didn't want to hear it, he knew for a fact that the map had been taken by Filch years ago.

"What a way to start," Sirius cackled, ignoring the growing ache when he realized that they hadn't exactly gone somewhere more private like this chat deserved.

He said he knew quite well it was a map at Harry and Ron's shocked faces.

"You really threw us off right then," Harry shrugged with a happy smile, "I later made the joke you were better at predictions then Trelawney."

"Nah," James laughed, "just more insight."

He wasn't going to ask how he'd found it,

"Really though, I think I would have been more than impressed at the turn of events," Remus gave a wane smile, all the while shriveling up on the inside as it was more than obvious his tone was scolding and not nearly as approachable as he'd been hoping for.

Sirius was the only one who was holding out hope how this could turn around.

but he was shocked that Harry hadn't handed it in after the last bit of paper that allowed someone to get into the castle.

"Ouch," Lily winced, finding that particularly harsh while Sirius lost any enthusiasm and slumped back into the couch with a new weight added on top of his chest, this continued attitude making him feel like pulling out his hair.

Then he said he wasn't going to give it back.

"Really Remus," Harry groaned, looking like a kicked puppy. While at the time he had given up without argument for the sake of some answers, right now his tone equally matched the shock and disappointment of the others.

"That's it, you're officially disowned," Sirius huffed, his voice just not up to its normal teasing tone as he watched Remus curiously. "You've turned into an old killjoy, and I'm going to need your Marauders card back."

He held out his hand expectantly, but Remus didn't play along. He was busy twisting away at the hem of his robes, counting every instance of how he'd acted in this future and how the longer this dragged on the more he was convinced Sirius was right. He had changed, and he didn't like it one little bit. It truly scared the crap out of him what had become of him.

James gave a pitiful sigh, he wanted to join in with Sirius, maybe make a crack Remus had just taken it for nostalgic reasons or some nonsense, but he was so emotionally drained by this point he just couldn't bring himself to do it, so he pressed on loudly, just hoping that this would all somehow look better in tomorrow's morning light.

Harry didn't argue, he wanted to ask a question.

Harry rolled his eyes, clearly not feeling that way now, but Remus was doing a good enough job of looking contrite about doing this he didn't see the point in adding on.

Instead he asked about the manufacturing comment. Lupin didn't seem keen on answering, but did say that the mapmakers would have found it hilarious to sneak Harry out of the castle.

"Some of us would," Sirius grumbled with an eye roll, and Remus flinched like Sirius had really just tried to hurt him. Sirius felt guilty at once, realizing his friend had spent all day giving him any and all comfort and convincing him he hadn't turned into this horrible thing everyone else said, and here he was doing the opposite for his friend. So he instead leaned over and whispered into his ear, "of course you'd insist on coming no matter what we said, no matter how stupid you found it."

Remus just grunted, not finding Sirius' picking on him as comforting as Sirius had hoped, so Sirius decided he'd have to try something else.

Harry asked if Lupin had known them, and he agreed they'd met.

"We've met," James repeated with an eye roll, "oh yeah, a few years back maybe, not sure what happened in the meantime, think some kid got slimed at one point, it's all a blur." James had been trying to get a rise out of Remus as well, but it was clear Remus had all but shut down for the night and was only listening with the vaguest of attention.

He was looking at Harry more seriously than ever before.

"You're right Moony," Sirius nodded in agreement, "that has come up the most in this book, I think it's doing it on purpose just for me."

"Yet another reason I've hated this year," James grumbled when the other didn't respond.

He told Harry that he couldn't force him to take Black seriously,

"Oh Merlin," Remus groaned at the smile that blossomed on said man's face, that shook him out of his shock to look even more disgusted with himself if that were possible. "Now even I'm doing it! Now I know something's happened to me, I must have had head trauma at some point."

Sirius was too busy being pleased Remus had just responded to anything to back up the joke.

but he would have thought that the effect the dementors had on him would make him act better. It would be some payback to his parents if he lost his life over some magic toys.

"Ouch," Lily winced for Harry, while James looked oddly torn between wanting to agree with Lily that this had been way too harsh, and wanting to laugh that James had risked his life for less sometimes just for the sake of a joke. He'd been pretty careless in his youth, he'd admit that about some of the stunts he'd pulled around school, and Remus doing this now felt as low as Snape calling him on it earlier. Maybe they were right, maybe Remus really had changed, and it wasn't making anyone feel any better. Could they really say anything though, Remus was his own person and if he really had moved on or somehow changed in this time they didn't really think they had a right to criticize him for it. It didn't make Lily feel any better about what he'd just said, wanting more than anything to snap at him he didn't really have a right to say anything for them, but then she really looked at Remus and saw that he was fixing to have his own break down right along with Sirius if something didn't change soon and she held it in.

Remus refused to say what he was really thinking though, that this scary new person carrying his name was acting so new, had he changed so much towards Sirius as well? He'd been so positive this whole time he must be helping Sirius, but now...he remembered back to the news that Sirius would be given a Dementor's Kiss if he was caught, and the bland way he'd reacted in the future to the news. He'd had a mini coronary over the realization then that he hadn't seemed to care one way or the other, was that really true? Was he such a completely different person, he actually wasn't even helping out Sirius? All of these things kept smashing around in his mind like gongs, and between that and his exhausted body physically, it was all he could do to keep listening to James read and keep his surroundings in focus without slipping further into a mental breakdown.

Then he left with Harry feeling worse than he had yet when confronted with Snape. He and Ron began heading back to Gryffindor tower, not bothering to stop by and grab the cloak.

"Maybe for the best for now," James nodded absently.

They didn't quite make it there when Hermione found them, and the look on her face made Harry question if she somehow knew what they'd done as well, and had gone to their head of house.

"I'll bleeding lose my mind if she did," Sirius sighed without any real heat, still far too concerned with the way Remus was slowly starting to look just as bad as him whenever he came up in the story and not liking it one little bit.

It would be a cruel twist if Harry had gotten out of that mess just to get put right back in it by McGonagall, but right now getting a detention in school would be a minor comedy compared to their other issues.

Ron demanded to know if she'd been doing just that, and she barely got the words out that she'd gotten word that Hagrid had lost his case, and Buckbeak was going to die.

Harry made a terrible noise of protest, finally stopping looking at both of his uncles like he was making sure they were still breathing from their combined stress, and abruptly shoved back into other matters.

"Alright you lot," Lily sighed miserably, "we really do need to get to bed."

"But Mum-" Harry began protesting at once, looking at the book as if it were Buckbeak himself, and if he just kept reading he'd know for sure everything was going to be okay.

"No," Lily said with finality. Trying, and failing, to keep her eyes from flickering over to Remus she began getting to her feet, walking over to Sirius and taking the book away from him. One glance at his friend and the protest died on his lips. With a heavy sigh they all got to their feet and headed for the stairs, except Remus who simply slumped over and crashed right there on the couch.

Sirius came down a few moments later to drape a blanket over him and make sure all the lights were off before the house went silent.

HPHPHPHP

*So we know why the second wouldn't work, as we all know that Remus isn't helping him though they still don't, but I'm actually kind of stumped on how Sirius was still getting out of the castle once he got in. The way I suggested has some holes in that if they used the Homenum Revelio spell, wouldn't it still show a dog? I thought the spell would just show if anyone else at all was in the room, plus it would be a real chore for Padfoot to actually make it from the seventh to the first floor to get out of a window or something without being spotted by anyone! Not the paintings, or the ghosts or, anyone! Suggestions would be lovely and appreciated.

#Harry Potter #Marauders #fanfiction #James Potter #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #Lily Potter #PoA #reading the books

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aloy-and-jaana · 3 years

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_____

Jaana caught herself glancing up at the skyline for what had to be the billionth time that day. The werak runners who had come through to purchase odds and ends from her shop all muddled together in an uninteresting buzz of noise. The sun was sinking lower in the sky. She caught herself looking up again. Things were starting to bode poorly. The Nora girl, she hadn't returned. Aloy.. Jaana finally turned her eyes from the horizon to begin the arduous task of closing up her shop. She folded the cloth of the signal balloon with a small smile when she remembered how Aloy had complimented her work. Why this girl had left such a huge impact on her in such a short time was beyond her. What was the big deal? She saw new faces and met an array of strangers every day with her travels taking her to nearly every corner of The Cut. Why was this one any different? Jaana found her eyes wandering back to the horizon before she chastised herself. No, there was no need to be so nervous. She had seen the machines that were defeated at the hands of the Nora. Although, now that she thought of it, she hadn't seen that fight take place. Jaana didn't know the Shaman's Path personally, but she had heard the stories. The caverns created a dangerous maze winding up into the unforgiving cold of the mountain. Jaana hadn't known Aloy long, but she was sure she'd known her long enough to know that Aloy wasn't going to fall to the mountain so easily. Still, it was getting much later than she'd anticipated. Jaana rubbed her hands together nervously while she pulled everything neatly inside the tent to close up. Why was this weighing on her so heavily? Jaana was sure several young shamans had lost their lives attempting the same path. It just happened.. right? The mountain was unforgiving. Only the strong Banuk survive. Jaana scowled in disgust. She was really trying to push problematic Banuk beliefs on herself now? This was silly. She had spoken to Aloy once for two seconds. She would likely never see her again regardless of whether or not she made it back down the mountain. Aloy was meaningless to her- just some girl. She was already forgetting what that irrelevant redhead looked like. Absolutely nothing, a meaningless, forgetful-

"Jaana!" The voice rang out.

"Aloy!" Jaana spun around excitedly, a huge grin lighting up her face as she rushed toward the other girl as fast as her legs would carry her. It would seem she betrayed her own mind. The embarrassment froze her up for just a moment. Then she noticed what Aloy was riding.

"Aah! That's a charger!" Jaana jumped back in fright before she saw the docile blue light coming from the machine as Aloy slid off its back with a laugh.

"I told you I unlocked the secret to overriding some machines! I don't know how I would have made it back down the mountain without him! Besides, forget that! I brought you something! Check this out!" Aloy too appeared overjoyed and filled with excitement as she proudly displayed her offering. Jaana opened her hands to a large machine lense, the kind of which she had never seen. It was enormous. Jaana's eyes sparkled curiously, a familiar curious. Aloy was so happy to see it again. As soon as Jaana glanced back up at her, that expression changed entirely.

"Aloy! What happened up there?! Are you alright?" She could see the tousled look in the outlander's hair and clothes now, visible marks of scrapes and bruises lining every bit of visible skin. This kind of attention seemed much more unfamiliar to her, as Aloy shrugged hurriedly.

"I'm fine." She changed course before Jaana could continue. "There are definitely new machines appearing, bigger, meaner ones! I saw one up on the mountain. A frostclaw! It proved to be a bit of a challenge but I brought it down! I thought you'd enjoy this part more than anyone else." Jaana's face felt a little hot as Aloy smiled. "I thought maybe you could use it to finish your… project." She had remembered. Jaana smiled at her gratefully, but she was eager to pull the conversation back a little.

"Hey, you look exhausted and you shouldn't leave any of those wounds open. Where are you lodging tonight?" She put her hands on her hips. Aloy cocked her head a little. Yeah, this was definitely unfamiliar.

"Uh, well I just have my travel pack here with me.."

"Aloy that thing isn't thick enough to keep out the chill up here! That's a travel pack for Nora land!"

"Hmm. I guess I didn't think everything through. Think there's lodging I could pay for in Song's Edge for a reasonable price? I carried back some more parts I harvested from the frostclaw." Jaana rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, before offering,

"Hey, I actually have a fairly sized residence inside Song's Edge. You could… stay with me if you want." She could see the discomfort on Aloy's face, so she added, "for more rare and exotic machine parts.. you know, as payment." She desperately hoped that the discomfort she found was due to accepting help and not at the prospect entirely. Her heart was pounding in her chest as the silence set in.

Finally, "you would really do that for me?" Jaana glanced up. The discomfort had to be because of her offering help, even with the flimsy guise of harvesting machine parts. Aloy seemed to have no trouble leaping into harm on account of other people, yet accepting help herself was alien to her. Jaana touched her arm gently.

"Of course. You've already done so much." She glanced nervously back at the machine standing at Aloy's heels like a harmless puppy. It was truly bizarre. She narrowed her eyes a little at him with distrust. "Although I don't think Sparky here will fit in my tent." Aloy let out a laugh.

"Fair enough." She smiled. Despite the absence of a face, Jaana swore the machine had a look of high offense. She wagged a finger at Aloy before tying her shop tent closed tightly.

"Come on now, let's deal with those scratches." She nodded.

As the two of them marched back through Song's Edge amidst the Banuk fighters and families turning in, Jaana could see how genuinely worn down the Nora hunter was, despite her best efforts to conceal it. "So, I have to ask: did you end up finding Ourea up there after all?" This brought a smile back to Aloy's tired face.

"I did! She has some kind of relationship with a.. spirit. I'm not quite sure of all the pieces yet, but something very strange is going on here with the daemon and the machines, and I'm convinced the answers lie at Thunder's Drum." She gave a dramatic little shrug, "and I somehow got roped into fighting Aratak for the werak in order to solve the mystery of the daemon." She kept her voice a little low revealing that last bit.

"You what-?!" Jaana cried out before she caught herself, lowering her voice to a whisper. "You what? That's insane!"

"It does present quite a challenge. Ourea suggested making my name more well known around, overriding the daemon's trees, clearing bandits- ah, and she mentioned someone here in Song's Edge named.. Sekuli. She said that was a good place to start."

"I know Sekuli! I can take you there tomorrow if you like." Jaana offered.

"Would you? Thanks so much for everything, I hope I don't interfere too much-"

"Are you kidding? This is the most excitement I've had in forever! I'm all yours!" She caught herself quickly, embarrassed at her choice of words. She cleared her throat. "Well, here we are. It doesn't look very big, but I keep all the goods in my various shops and sleds around The Cut, so there's plenty of room for two bed roles." Aloy smiled at the cozy little tent.

"It's perfect." She insisted. Jaana felt the tension fade with a relieved sigh. Though she was fairly well endowed, she had never really felt the need to invest in anything more fancy than the quaint little tent before them. "Wow. What a view!" Aloy stepped out on the wood ledge overlooking the wilds off the mountain. The sight of the incessant fire and smoke pouring from Thunder's Drum was very domineering against the skyline. Aloy discarded the roll of her travel pack by the entrance of the tent and she sat solemnly on the edge of the wood ledge. Jaana gave her a sympathetic look, silently sitting alongside her, before reaching over to help dress a deep scratch on her arm. "It's a serious responsibility." She sighed quietly. "I need to be strong enough to succeed."

"I'm not sure it was fair of Ourea to put so much pressure on you." Jaana said honestly.

"I accepted it. I wanted it. it's just something I need to do. Nobody else should have to die fighting that daemon."

"That includes you!" There was a hint of frustration in Jaana's voice. Aloy seemed so bent on saving everyone around her, she was willing to risk her own safety. "You should think of yourself too." She could see there was no sense in trying to talk the stubborn redhead out of it, so she tried a different approach, "looks like you'll need me to keep you out of trouble."

"What? No, no. You really don't have to- I'm much faster on my own-"

"I want it. It's just.. something I've got to do. You understand. Someone's gotta make sure you stay alive to finish your mission." Aloy raised an eyebrow at her with a smirk. It seemed the stubbornness too was a level of familiar that was tantalizing. She shook her head in defeat, giving Jaana a grateful smile as she finished treating and wrapping up a few more open wounds in the quiet.

"Thank you, Jaana." She said sleepily.

"Hey, come on, let's get some sleep. Looks like a busy day awaits tomorrow." Aloy was happy to hear true excitement in Jaana's voice. Maybe she did need some help. At least for tonight, she didn't have an objection left in her. As Jaana closed the snug Banuk tent behind them, aloy stretched out on her sleeping mat with a sigh. It was certainly much less roomy than the Nora sleeping lodge. This level of companionship felt strange to her, but she found a comfort in it she wasn't sure she'd ever known before. As Jaana nestled down in the second sleeping mat alongside her, she worried that maybe Aloy wouldn't be comfortable enough, that the house wouldn't feel safe, that she would be uncomfortable and unaccustomed to being so close to someone else in such a strangely intimate setting. She rolled over onto her side to glance at her anxiously, only to find that Aloy had already fallen deep into a dreamless sleep. Jaana smiled. She couldn't be entirely certain about what it was exactly that was driving her forward on her mission with this strange, wonderful girl, but she felt a true sense of fate and anticipation buzzing under her skin.

_____

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masked-buffoon · 4 years

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Chapter 3.5: No Moral nor Decency (Part 8)

Warnings: torture, violence

Author notes: aaaand, this is the end of this short story! I hope you liked it, I remember I had so much fun writing it! See you in the next chapter!

Notes 2: there is a little something at the end of the chapter! I hope you'll like it!

The chains of my handcuffs clinked sinisterly in the dark room as I moved, uncomfortable. Earlier that day, we had, according to the plan, used Apollonia as a bait to lure the Cosola family in a trap. We had ambushed them in an abandoned warehouse, to shoot them and eliminate them. However, I had led the operation and had been recognised by Gustavo, who had come himself, and I had been captured. I had been unable to do anything against his large hands choking me against the wall... When I had recovered from the dizziness, I had already been tied in a dark room, most certainly a basement. I was currently waiting for someone to come and interrogate me.

A door opened, letting some light enter the place. It was Gustavo.

"Kasumi... I thought you were dead." He walked in front of me, arms crossed "Is that even your real name, by the way?"

"It is not. I won't tell you my actual identity, however."

"Of course, I'll have to extort these information from you." He shrugged "To think you were a traitor..."

"I am not a traitor." I argued "I never belonged to the Cosola family in the first place."

"We treated you so well! Weren't you welcomed warmly?! Why did you do that?!"

"Gustavo-san..." I smirked "It is your family's fault for trusting me. When did I pledge my loyalty to you?"

"When...?"

"I never officially declared I would give my life to the godfather." I chuckled "You played, and you lost, Gustavo-san...~ If you aren't even able to comprehend that, then perhaps Vilfredo-san was, indeed, more suited than you to become the next Don."

He threw his fist toward my face, but I did not flinch a bit. It stopped right before hitting me.

"You don't even have the guts to harm me... Pitiful." I spat on the ground.

"Where is my sister?" He questioned.

I did not answer.

"Where is my sister...?!" He repeated.

"Do you truly think I will tell you?" I sighed "So ignorant... By the way, torture is one of my skills, you know? Making me talk won't be too easy, unless you are more serious about it."

"I'll come back later. If you still don't talk... I'll have to ignore the weeks we spent together."

"You really weren't suited to be the boss, after all..."

I refused to say a word, even as he removed my clothes, even as he beat me with an iron bar, even as he broke my legs and arms. After an hour, I was exhausted by the pain, but did not open my mouth. With each strike, Gustavo's will seemed to strengthen. He soon forgot I had been his subordinate. At some point, he grabbed my hair, harshly, undoing the bun I had made hastily.

"Say, 'Kasumi'... In my country, a century ago, women who needed to survive cut their hair to make some money... A woman with short hair was so shameful... Shall I do the same to you~?"

I did not answer. Roughly, he grabbed a knife and swung the blade. I sighed slightly.

"In the century we are living in, having short hair is not shameful. How would something like this make me talk...?"

"That was just a small revenge... Something personal, you know... Now. Where is Apollonia?"

"Come closer so I can tell you."

I spat on his face.

"You...!"

Fuming, Gustavo walked toward a furnace of some sort and pulled a branding iron out of the fire. I gritted my teeth, preparing myself to feel the pain from being burnt.

"You're stupid for not talking."

He pressed the iron to the sin of my stomach, making me scream in pain as a weird smell of burnt flesh spread in the room. Tears swelled up in my eyes, slid down my cheeks and fell down, but I did not talk, not even as he burnt me again, not even as my handcuffs wounded my wrists, not even as he blood poured down my arms, not even as he planted a knife in my shoulder.

No, I did not talk.

"A canary sings... A cradle song... Sleep... Sleep... Sleep... Child..." I sang weakly, my head hanging loosely onto my neck.

I was tired, out of breath. The physical pain was nothing next to the headache that was killing me, I was suffering like never before, nonetheless. My body was covered in bruises, wounds, burns, scratches or other marks. Several bones of mine had been broken, but I did not believe any vital had been touched. I was still alive. Dying, but alive.

"Above the cradle... The loquat fruits sway... Sleep... Sleep... Sleep... Child..."

I coughed blood, cracking a smile. Despite everything I had not talked at all, respecting the rules of the Port Mafia, according to which only death would make me open my mouth... Out of anger and impatient, the Don's son had declared he would let me agonise in the torture room, unless I wanted to talk... True torture would have required him to look for some people I was attached to, he could not even do that. But overall, there was no one who could have made me speak and reveal that Apollonia had been sent back to Sicilia safely, with her mother...

"Is that a lullaby, you're singing?"

"I don't know..." I breathed out "I heard it, once..."

I felt hands untie my wrists, and I heavily fell into a pair of strong arms, which held me tightly and carefully. I gasped in pain.

"I'm sorry..." The man whispered "We'll take you back to the headquarters, Ogawa... Dazai will be glad to see you again..."

"This voice... Oda-san...?" I tried to look up.

"Don't make useless moves..." He advised me, putting his jacket over my shoulders.

"Mmh..." I groaned in pain "Dazai-san... How is he...?"

"Looking everywhere for you." He chuckled "More seriously, he thought you were dead..."

"Is that so...? I wonder... It's so unlike him... Perhaps is that the afterlife...?"

"Don't say nonsense... He cares about you, Ogawa."

"Does he...? That's the funniest joke I've ever heard..." I coughed "I'm just a burden for him..."

"That's untrue..."

My recovery was terrible. Changing my bandages, stitching my cuts, applying cream on my burns... I thought the nurse was quite courageous to stand my high pitched screams of pain each time she took care of me and my body, and even the morphine she gave me was not enough to relieve me. I had never suffered this much, physically, and combined with the effects of my ability, I thought I would go completely insane.

Everyday, Oda-san came to visit me, and sometimes, Nakahara-san would accompany him. They would bring me fresh fruits and ask me how I felt. They would never stay too long, not to exhaust me. However, never had Dazai-san been by my bed, not once, and I seriously doubted he still remembered about me... He had surely already replaced me, anyway...

When finally I got better, I could come out of the infirmary and go back to my job within the Port Mafia, in Dazai-san's squadron. It was really timidly that I pushed his door, this day. As usual, he was staring at his ceiling, his feet on his desk, instead of working, and I was not sure he had noticed my presence until his unique eye turned toward me and he immediately stood up.

"I've returned..." I practically murmured, lowering my head.

"Yes... You aren't dead... You're alive..." He breathed out, getting closer to me "You really are alive... But... What happened to your hair...?"

"Revenge... I don't really mind..." I looked down "Dazai-san... Is that a burden that I am alive...?"

He cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck as he shook his head.

"It's not... I mean, unless you're bothersome..."

"Oh..."

I stayed still, absolutely not knowing what to answer.

"Ogawa-kun...?" He spoke after a moment.

"Yes, Dazai-san...?"

"Having you back... Isn't all too bad..."

I looked up at him, just quickly enough to see his lips slightly turned upwards, and I smiled back at him.

Yes, that's a drawing of Yōko! So you can see what she looks like!

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#bsd #bsd oc #bsd fanfic #bsd dazai #bsd imagines #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs oc #dazai osamu #nakahara chuuya #oda sakunosuke #bsd oda

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astyle-alex · 3 years

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[FANFIC - Destiel & JayTim]

Multiverse Mishap | DCU Bat Family x Supernatural

Fandom: DCU Bat Family x Supernatrual Pairings: Destiel, Jay x Tim Rating: Teen Warnings: Swearing, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Heavy Angst (with a happy ending), Implied Underage Prostitution Total Word Count: ~156k | SPN vers = 76k / Bat vers = 80k

Summary:

One slip up in the lab has Tim Drake careening into a new world where things are rather dramatically different from the world he’s used to. Fortunately, this is not his first rodeo. He knows how to handle this nonsense, more or less at least. Unfortunately, the people of the world he’s wound up in see things a little differently. And when Dick Grayson and Jason Todd mount an ill-conceived rescue mission, things get complicated very quickly.

When Team Free Will is at their lowest (well, their lowest as of YET, at least) with Castiel missing (and probably human), they get thrown a lifeline. Charlie calls with a lead on a strange young-man who bears a stunning resemblance to their MIA angel. Even with the world on a precipice around them, Sam and Dean won’t leave their angel out to dry—Dean especially has a few missteps he’d like to make up for… If only he could find some way to get through to one hella conked out Angel of the Lord.

This project started as a distraction and got WAY out of hand, but I’m actually really excited about it. I’ll be posting it as two separate stories on Ao3 (one form the Bat Family PoV and one from the SPN family PoV, both of which will be updating HERE...) with new chapters going up weekly, but only one chapter from each version.

As excited as I am about it, my schedule is currently in shambles because I got an opportunity to get the COVID Vaccine and it’s thrown my whole schedule into utter chaos. I’m hopeful that I’ll get back on track soon, but I can’t guarantee when I’ll be able to post here or on Ao3.

Since I can schedule posts on Patreon, that updating schedule will be much more definitively regular. The second chapters of each version are already available to Patrons and should open up to all viewers by Monday!

- Multiverse Mishap | SPN Vers - Chapter 2

- Multiverse Mishap | SPN Vers - Chapter 3

- Multiverse Mishap | Bat Vers - Chapter 2

Read the first chapter of the SPN version below (with Charlie playing a super spy and getting Sam & Dean a lead on a maybe-Castiel / maybe-alien-infiltrator) and I hope you all have a fabulous Easter Weekend (whether or not you celebrate religiously, you gotta admit the season-exclusive candy is pretty dang great!)! ^_~

A bit of fiddling, that’s all it was.

Well, that’s all it was supposed to be.

A device that plays with space-time and the very weave of whatever it was that spanned the gap between dimensions?

How could anyone just let something like that gather dust in an archive?

It functioned how it was meant to, it was only that what it was meant to do was cause harm… If they just tweaked it a bit, just a little, gave it an anchor point and limited the scale of possibilities… If they yanked down the juice that kept it powered to a more moderated level…

It could save lives.

So… fiddling.

Just a bit, here and there and on weekends when there wasn’t anything big going on.

The stupid thing wasn’t even turned on most of the time.

It was inert and dead as fricken paperweight (which honestly is what the fiddler in question had mostly been using it for)…

And then… it wasn’t.

One button, a loose screw, the slip of a paperclip…

A big flash of blinding light.

Silence, like the absolute nothing right before the tidal wave hits.

And in that silence, a tiny, over-caffeinated little voice:

“… Oops…”

_ _ _

Chapter 1 – MIA Angel or Alien Infiltrator?

Charlie Bradbury knows she’s awesome.

But there’s the standard awesome that any Queen of Moondoor is simply by nature of being epic enough to have achieved the throne to start with...

And then there’s the awesome that is having created a automated dark web trawling program to track the world’s Big Weirds (and only the very BIGGEST of the Big Weirds) and having that super secret extra level deep vault program actually work.

Well, of course it worked, but it like worked.

It found an Angel.

Sorta.

It found a something.

And an MIA angel, who was not exactly an angel anymore, but also couldn’t really pass as truly human, and who was still on like every watchlist ever (magical, criminal, meme-spirational, etc), but is somehow still entirely off the fricken radar?

Yeah. BIG Weird.

Said angel-not-angel popping up at a Biggerson’s in Ohio with no shoes, more money than god, an insane caffeine tolerance and absolutely no idea how to function inside a Walmart?

HELLA Big Weird.

So Charlie, being the awesome Queen that she is (and being acutely aware of what false hope here could do to the people in particular question with this) went to check it out herself.

Personally.

And, personally, she can say that this kid is the weirdest thing she’s ever seen, and after having day-tripped out to the literal Land of Oz a few times over… well, that’s sayin’ something.

Charlie’s met Castiel.

Not exactly her type, but she could see how that divine slice of puppy in a trench coat could be seen as something of a serious snack.

Though… If he weren’t an angel, she’d swear he was an alien.

But, like, a cool alien.

Much less spy-trained infiltrator than innocent human-admirer who wants to experience the local flavor on his little vacation out to the Milky Way’s most interesting backwater, Sol-3.

And the kid she finds in Ohio… is not that guy.

Not really.

For starters, she’s not entirely sure he’s old enough to drink alcohol.

And he’s… not looking for Sam and Dean ( which is seriously a BIG red flag for deciding whether this particular angel-not-angel is the right angel-not-angel).

He is looking for something, though.

Something he seems to think is in Kansas, near-ish enough to the Bunker’s coordinates to make her question the ‘not looking for Sam and Dean thing’ (but the absolute dinosaur of a smartphone he’s working on to pull up maps could totally just call the bunker, if he wanted to… or any of the plethora of emergency numbers the Boys have set up…).

Charlie’s looking on from a Very Inconspicuous post in the booth two tables away from the kid in the red hoodie and she can feel his frustration with the device radiating off him like physical Force pulses. Fortunately, proto-Sith this kid is not, and all the tables remain table-y.

She’s watching him fight with the internet to find something and his device’s crappy security means she didn’t even have to work hard to get her own screen to show what’s happening on his. He’s definitely looking at Kansas, at going to Kansas— Lebanon in particular.

Messy black hair, big blue eyes, grumpy face to rival any Netscape feline…

Looking for Lebanon and totally out of sync with humanity…

And… his oversized red hoodie just happens to have the 2-D rendering of a big black pair of wings stitched into its backside— stemming right from where they should on the kid’s shoulder blades if the wings were real.

Charlie’s not really gullible enough to believe in signs from God anymore…

But if she were… well, that would be pretty convincingly Divine Sign-like.

So, she makes the call.

Sam picks up on the third ring.

“So, you know how like the main character always has dramatically weird colored hair and sits in the second to last desk by the window?”

With a heavy sigh filled with enough affection to make Charlie’s insides feel all squiggly and warm, Sam says, “No, Charlie, I have absolutely no idea.”

“Well, they do.”

“Okay. And?”

“They are Narrative Significant, they stick out from the background in like a big way, but not just in like a ‘doing main character things’ kinda way,” Charlie rambles, trying to find her point buried under the spiraling metaphor.

“Charlie, do you know what time it is?”

“Uh, 2, maybe, 3am. I think. But that may have been like three coffees ago,” Charlie prattles off automatically before veering back on track, “Anyway. The point is that I think I found a main character. He’s not the character I thought he should be, though. He doesn’t look right. He’s too young. And no trench coat. But he is hella out of sync… and the blue eyes and black hair and everything else…”

There’s a pause as Sam’s non-caffeinated brain tries to keep up with Charlie’s infodump.

“Trench coat?”

“I think I found him, Sam,” Charlie whispers. “I think I found Castiel. Well, I found someone weird enough to maybe be Castiel, in the Castiel kind of way, and he’s looking for a way to get to Lebanon, so…”

Much more alert, Sam asks, “Where are you?”

“Ohio. Quaint little place called Granville,” Charlie reports. “It’s a pretty straight shot to the Bunker, but it’s like 14 hours on the road and I’m not sure the gods of caffeine consumption will really be cool with me pushing their bounty that hard…”

“Don’t try too hard to get him to go anywhere with you, see if you can just offer to pay for a motel room for the night,” Sam instructs, the sounds of a pack being prepped with one hand clanging about in the background. “We’ll be in Granville before noon.”

“What if he really wants to head out?”

“Take it slow and text us when you get gas, we’ll meet you in Indianapolis.”

He’s using ‘Serious Sam’ voice.

It’s the voice that makes panicking bunny rabbits being chased by wendigos settle down for half a second so Dean can frickin torch those ghost-y cannibal creepers.

Only, in this case, the wendigos aren’t cannibal forest ghosts chomping down on campers. This time, the Big Bad that Dean is unequivocally about to destroy is approximately 909 miles of US Highway 36.

It makes Charlie feel a little bit better about nearly everything that’s wrong.

She hangs up with Sam after promising to keep the updates coming, and looks back at the kid who could be Castiel.

Only to find him looking back.

For a minute, she’s worried that he heard her talking to Sam about him.

But he seems kinda zonked.

And he doesn’t look upset or embarrassed or angry, so…

She is the only other person on this side of the Biggerson’s, (and really she’s the only non-staff member in this Biggerson’s all told besides the kid himself), so it’s really not that strange for her to be the dust mote in motion that’s wound up drawing the kid’s eye.

He’s not really expressing anything.

He’s just looking.

It’s weird.

Whelp, he’s got that creepy unblinking stare down pat, bird-like head-tip and all.

The kind of stare that’s not angry or judgmental but feels more clinical than anything else, like he’s seeing through the bones and skin and sinew to the soul that’s underneath.

Dissecting it and diagnosing it…

It makes her shiver.

But she plasters on a smile and says, “Hey. You wanna refill?”

The kid looks down at his empty coffee cup.

He blinks, real slow like.

Then he nods.

Relief floods Charlie.

Step One, making with the contact with the Target. Check.

In her experience that’s usually been the hardest part of these things.

Not that she really has much experience in ‘these things’…

But still, Score 1 for the Queen, yeah?

She signals to a waitress for two more cups of coffee, shots of espresso boosting both of them. It’s like a weird AU of a sleezy bar beat, a remixed mark meets con-woman kinda thing.

“So, kid, what’s your name?”

“Shouldn’t you tell me yours first?”

Charlie shrugs. “Well, generally yeah, that is the convention. But I like being unconventional, I guess.”

Really, it’s that she hasn’t quite decided what name to give him.

He blinks expectantly, head tipping over again.

Realizing that she’s already giving up ground in this pseudo-battle of wills and whatnot, Charlie sighs heavily and says, “I’m Charlie, Charlie Bradbury. Geek extraordinaire.”

The kid nods, visibly internalizing the information.

Trying really hard not to be perturbed by that, Charlie barrels on to say, “I see that tablet of yours is gone a bit wonky. You looking for something in Kansas? I might be able to fix your tech or find what you’re looking for with mine.”

“My tablet…” With big owl eyes, the kid glances down at the piece of crap barely smart enough to call a screen and gives a plaintive little huff. “It is… insufficient.”

Charlie gives a laugh that only sounds two-thirds forced and says, “Understatement, buddy. You’re grand at it.”

The kid simply frowns.

“So,” she says, drum-rolling her fingers on the plastic tabletop as she leans into the leading questions. “Tell me what’s your name and what you’re looking for in Kansas and we’ll see if I can work my magic, huh?”

The kid’s eyes narrow suspiciously on the word ‘magic’, but he gives no other reaction.

For a solid minute, easy, they just kinda sit there.

And then the kid downs a full cup of espresso-boosted coffee like it’s a bottle of watered down Gatorade and flashes Charlie the stiffest stretch of smile she’s ever seen on any face that still looks mostly-human.

“My name’s Alvin,” he tells her with all the bland panache of a used car salesman. “Alvin Draper. And honestly? I’m looking for a hole in the universe.”

Charlie almost bursts out laughing.

The kid— Alvin— spots the reaction. He glowers, quite impressively, to be honest.

“Well, Alvin, that’s the fakest fake-name I’ve ever heard, but I think I can help with the ‘hole in the universe’ thing,” she tells him.

Alvin’s frowning again, it’s adorable and endearing in ways it really shouldn’t be.

“One problem, though,” she lays out. “You’re gonna have to be a little more specific about which hole in the universe or tear in the fabric of reality your talking about.”

Taken entirely aback, Alvin huffs, “Is it a commonplace occurrence to have your universe ripped open, then?”

“Well, not exactly. It’s more like our universe is the knit-scarf version of a life-raft,” Charlie explains, wheezing a bit as the metaphor sinks perfectly into a crack she didn’t quite realize she still needed to find a way to fill. “Things here aren’t… Well, uh, how many apocalypses have you fended off this week?”

“You’re really just gonna roll with the implicit declaration that I’m from another universe and you’re not going to question my sanity?”

Alvin looks like he’s suddenly questioning her sanity.

For a beat, Charlie feels insulted.

But really, his reaction is the more logical one.

Maybe Charlie should start trying to talk to more normies here soon, she’s totally lost touch with what constitutes a ‘reasonable reaction to weird shit’.

“Whelp, I’m not a Time Lord or anything,” she confesses, “but I’ve had enough contact with the Supernatural to know how to spot someone who’s brushed up against something ugly in the dark and is kinda freaking out about it. You fit the bill, Alvin.”

The kid rolls his eyes.

It could be an angel-learned-it-from-Dean thing, it really could be.

The weight of the sarcasm is just that strong.

“Fine, yes. ‘Alvin’ is not my real name,” he admits.

Then he casts a wicked smile her way that almost makes her rethink the ‘learned it from Dean’ idea, because this is… creepy in an almost Demon kinda way… in an almost Leviathan way. The grin is so unnerving that Charlie almost misses his next words:

“But you know, I’m pretty damn sure that ‘Charlie’ isn’t yours.”

“Yeah? Well, darn. Ya got me,” she breathes, trying to make herself remember that the Leviathan are gone, that she didn’t even see Cas when he was one of them.

In any other circumstance, Charlie would be reaching for the Borax.

But this angel-not-angel (and maybe-but-probably-not-demon-or-leviathan) kid whose name is definitely not Alvin, notices her sudden stiffness.

Immediately, he softens.

“Hey, what happened? You okay?”

Charlie shrugs. “You wouldn’t happen to be allergic to a certain 19th century boron-containing sodium compound, would ya?”

“Sodium borate? Like Borax? Can’t say I am,” the kid assures. “Any particular reason?”

“Uh, the word ‘Leviathan’ mean anything to you? Like specific, human-livestock-eating, double-tongued with lots of teeth lizard-men people-imitators specific? ‘Cause you just really reminded me of one there. And like I had a friend go Darkside… well, a lotta my friends have actually gone Darkside, but there was one and he… he’s missing still and well, bad things happen to my friends when they go missing.”

“Like apocalypses?”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“Really? Literal apocalypses? How exactly literal?”

“Um, pick a holy book at random? We’ve probably hit most of them by now,” Charlie admits, with a discomfited shrug as she vaguely wonders how she ended up on this side of the metaphorical interrogation table. “I think the first one was the Judeo-Christian one, they took things pretty literal. Michael-Lucifer prize fight and all…”

“Okay…” the kid says, finally sounding a little thrown, “but you stopped that one?”

“Yeah,” she tells him.

“So where are you now?”

“Somewhere between God’s little sister throwing a world-ending temper tantrum and you know a Luci-spawn antichrist accidentally poof-ing up new laws of physics?”

“Sounds plausible,” the kid tells her, his tone both entirely accepting of it as the gospel truth and sounding like he thinks she’s totally bonkers.

“No, it really doesn’t,” Charlie sighs. “Doesn’t change the fact it’s true. But enough about me and my world-ending escapades. How about your hole in the universe?”

“That’s the thing… See, I don’t remember.”

“What?”

“I don’t remember how I got here, I just remember that I don’t belong,” the kid confesses, sounding a lot more like he’s being honest than before. “I’m not supposed to be here, but I can’t explain what might be able to bring me back.”

“So, Lebanon, Kansas?”

“Has a safehouse I remember, or I think I do,” he lays out. “And it has a power source I think I need. And…”

“And..?”

Charlie’s hoping for something about the people waiting for him there, something about the ‘profound bond’ doing something to clue him in.

She can’t tell if this is just a spell or something, or if it’s a consequence of having Fallen, regained Angel status, and then seemingly kicked it again in the fastest repeat of the cycle yet.

“I dunno,” he sighs. “I just have to be there.”

Well, it’s not what she was hoping for.

But it’s still closer than she thought she’d get…

So, she’s still not 100% certain this kid is a whammied Castiel.

But she’s definitely like 85% certain, maybe 87%.

And in Winchester World? That there’s some pretty damn good lookin’ odds. So, Charlie will take what she can get and will roll with the rest.

Sam and Dean will be here in a few more hours. All she has to do ‘till then is keep this kid in arm’s reach and keep them both from being buckled up for the looney bin.

Sounds totally doable, right?

In retrospect, Charlie may have to adjust her definition of ‘doable’…

_ _ _

Keep up with everything I’m getting up to HERE!

Have a great week!

#fanfiction #fanfic #batman #batman & robin #BatFam #DCU #dcu fanfic #SPN #spn fanfic #supernatural #destiel #jay x tim #jason todd x tim drake #dean x castiel #multiverse #crossover #charlie bradbury

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thepeakyfckingblinders · 5 years

Text

Dēlīrĭum || Arthur Shelby x reader

⤠ MASTERLIST⤟

Anon requested: “Yay I love prompts! Okay; Arthur Shelby & number 16 from that beautiful list of yours. Happy writing! :D” ♡

Summary: n.16 from my prompt list: “Another’s hands on her skin” (Finn being my precious little baby, Thomas being both a caring “big” brother and an unbeatable bitch, as usual) Warnings: swearing, heavy drinking, cocaine use, mention of PTSD, angst, Arthur being softer than cotton candy

Author’s notes:

I just reached 168 followers, yay! I know it may not seem like much, but I’m shamelessly happy right know, thank you so much babes ♡

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m letting you down, idk, I just can’t help but think that you’re not happy with my latest works; so, please, if what I think is true, tell me what’s worng and what’s right about my writing, take a minute to send me a message, I need actual feedbacks to understand how to improve my skills and grow ♡

If you want, take a look at this: ↠ Contāgĭo↞

I’m sorry for being this late, but I’ve been really busy in the past days and writing is never just easy, it demands concentration and effort, plus I don’t want you to be disappointed, so I’m always extra accurate while working. I hope this is worth the wait!

Probably, this piece is angsty, I don’t know why it came out this way, maybe because I’ve been very low in the past days, so I’m sorry if this is not what you expected. Anyway, let me know what you think about it ♡

I’m Italian, English isn’t my first language, so I apologize for every possible mistake I made. Also, please, help me improve my writing by telling me if there’s something wrong

ENJOY!

Dēlīrĭum [dēlīrĭum], delirii neutral noun II declension

1. delirium, frenzy 2. madness, lunacy, folly 3. rage, wrath, ire 4. unbridled desire, fierce passion

That familiar dense fluid inexorably dropped out of the crystal bottleneck, its dark stream harmonically danced, giving birth to an indefinite number of small whirlpools, before steadily falling into the compact glass held in Arthur’s trembling hand. His gaze followed the whole process with noxious attention, those few moments stretched out in his blue eyes, till it seemed like it took an eternity for the whisky to brim over his cup, and, during that distorted time, he somehow managed to find some numb peace, alienating his haunted mind from the thundering world around him. Nevertheless, when even the last drop run its course, that usual asphyxiating chaos, along with his compulsive thoughts, returned to fill his ears, destructively afflicting his brain again. That had been a long rough night at the Garrison, and finally, nearly at the crack of dawn, he was allowed to seek a little solace by sitting alone at the table in their private room and downing his umpteenth glass of liquor, yet no relief came for him as he couldn’t help but think about his only excruciating obsession: you. Your mother had always been Polly’s closest friend, for which reason you practically grew up around the Shelbys, easily becoming part of their family since you truly loved all of them like your own siblings, and they just felt the same way about you; however, it turned out to be even easier for you to mercilessly steal the callous heart of their oldest brother. Indeed, Arthur had been madly in love with you for as long as he could remember, what irreparably bound him to you was such a strong feeling, that the cruel war itself hadn’t been able to weaken it, not in the slightest; still, after all those years, he couldn’t find the guts to come clean about his incommensurable affection for you. Actually, the mere thought of telling you the truth terrified him: every time he looked in the mirror, he only saw a rude, pathetic man unworthy of a wonderful, sweet creature like you, he knew he could never give you what you really deserved, he knew he just was not enough, and he definitely hated the idea of making you unhappy by forcing you to remain stuck with such a wreck for the rest of your life. Anyway, during that long time, he had learnt how to cope with his difficult feelings, he had gradually become able to hide them, eventually finding a way to stay by your side without going crazy; but that night, when you entered the pub holding hands with an unknown bloke, when he noticed the way you smiled while looking into his brown eyes, every single piece of his frail soul fell apart all over again, leaving him devastated and close to a new mental breakdown. Once more, his chest seemed to unnaturally collapse under the weight of that terrible realization, pain radiating through his whole body as he tried to get rid of that dreadful sensation by slightly shaking his head. Yet, nothing changed, everything in that moment felt just like a flashback of the war, the booze together with that deep sorrow were dangerously tricking his mind, leading him to hear inaudible noises and sense inconsistent hands strangling him almost to death. Still partially aware of what was going on in his brains, and eager to break free from those mental chains, he inconsiderately took from his pocket the small blue ampoule Finn had given him, pouring its deadly white content on the table and hastily cutting it, before he could inhale the Tokyo with such violence that, soon after, blood started to fall from his left nostril. Arthur stood there for a while, in religious silence, with his wide eyes turned at the ceiling in a mute prayer to that God who had apparently forgotten about him long before that day, nevertheless he prayed for the world to stop wildly spinning around him, and when nothing happened, again, he couldn’t hold back his deleterious ire anymore. Before he had the chance to realize what he was doing, he found himself rabidly throwing the massive wooden table against the closed door, along with its four chairs and several empty bottles, his palms now covered in blood and wounded by uncountable glass shards. In the meanwhile, the main salon of the Garrison was occupied only by Finn and Isaiah, busy playing cards and drinking beer, excited to be finally allowed to stay up late at night, yet, as soon as that loud crash reached his ears, Finn dropped everything without a second thought and, utterly immersed in a blind panic, he promptly run towards the blinders private space, for his mind was already picturing the worst possible scenario. The youngest Shelby used all his strength, he kept kicking the barred door and ramming into it, until he knocked it off the hinges and barged into the room right away, finding Arthur alone in the middle of the place, crimson drops rolling down his fingers and a disoriented look on his tormented face. “Jesus Christ, Arthur! What happened? Are you okay?” Anxious breaths left the boy’s lips as he swiftly approached his brother, paying attention to avoid that mess made of sharp splinters and jagged pieces of wood, he meticulously checked that no serious harm had occurred and soon sighed with pure relief, still, when he tried to fraternally place a hand on Arthur’s arm, an impetuous shove threw him against the opposite wall. “Go away, Finn! Get the fucking out of here!” Still dazed due to the violent collision, Finn simply looked at him for a brief moment, he was beside himself, foaming at the mouth as he took dangerous steps in his direction, thus the young man managed to get back on his feet as fast as he could and escape that room without a backward glance. Anyway, he didn’t get to walk past the doorstep, because his face unexpectedly came in contact with Tommy’s chest; apparently, the middle brother had abandoned his accounting ledgers, alarmed by those same loud noises. “You’re the only one who can do something, I-I tried to help him, I tried! But he wouldn’t let me, p-please...” Tom lovingly gave him a pat on the shoulder, bringing his restless rambling to an end and flashing him a sympathetic smile, before he gently smacked his freckled cheek two times as a sign of gratification. “It’s all right, kid. You did good, go home now, eh? I’m taking care of this” Finn nodded keeping his eyes down as he rejoined Isaiah in order to leave the pub, Thomas, instead, just leaned against the doorframe and calmly lit a cigarette, while his sceptical gaze remained on Arthur who, on the other hand, keeled over the floor with both his hands covering his face. “Would you mind explaining what the bloody hell is going on?” Tommy’s stoic tone didn’t change a shade as he greedily sucked down the bleak smoke and watched his sibling squirm on the ground, screaming out all of his frustration. “It’s y/n, Tommy! It’s always been her” His voice cracked for a few moments, overwhelmed by a cry bereft of tears. “I-I can’t bear to see another’s bloody hands on her skin, Tommy, I just can’t. This... she is- she is driving me insane, brother!” Arthur’s fists collided multiple times with his own face as he continued to desperately alternate heavy sobs and gruesome wailings, until Thomas reached for him, roughly lifting him up by harpooning his jacket collar, he managed to get him to stand up, more determined than ever to put some sense back into his dizzy head.

“Hey!” His hoarse voice raised and he buried the fingers of his right hand in his brother’s cheeks, so that the strong grip on his face obliged Arthur to look into Tom’s stern icy eyes as they brutally delved into his tormented conscience. “You are Arthur fucking Shelby! If you want something, you fucking take it, because you fucking can!” Those words left Tommy’s mouth in a proper roar, still they were not enough to fix that tragic situation, in fact, a couple of seconds later, Arthur reacted to that sudden assault and violently pushed him away, before going back to cover his face with his palms, in attempt to shut down all the demons riddling his mind. “She doesn’t love me! Don’t you get it? She never will, goddamn, look at me!”

A loud husky laugh echoed through the room, leading Arthur to raise his head, glancing at Thomas in disbelief. “Are you laughing? You ‘fucking laughing at me?!” Before Arthur could physically attack him, Tommy stopped his laughter and cleared his throat, it was impressive how, in a single instant, he was always able to get his usual severe expression back. “Yeah, I’m laughing, Arthur. I am, because y/n’s been dying for you since the bloody first grade, that girl’s been trying to get your attention in every possible way” Tom’s index finger menacingly pointed at his brother’s chest while he kept shouting in his confused face “And she started dating that cunt since she was sure you would’ve never fancied her, ‘cause she’s fucking blind, just as you are! You damn idiots!”

Arthur’s blue eyes unrealistically widened in shock as his bran processed that absurd load of information, he started frenetically walking up and down the room, diving his fingers in his long hair in order to relax a bit.

“She is... Is s-she... Oh my fucking God! I need to see her, w-where is she, Tommy? Did she leave with that prick? I swear I’ll cut his hands off if he dares touch her...” The influence of cocaine on his brain was made clear by his frantic delirium, he kept bouncing from one place to another with a look halfway between enthusiastic and frightened, so that Thomas had to stop him by slightly poking the sweaty back of his neck in order to have his attention again. “She’s at Polly’s with Ada. They’re probably drunk, but so are you, now just go and take what’s yours, for God’s sake!”

@namelesslosers, @shadow-of-wonder

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atths--twice · 4 years

Link

Hooray, you’ve made it to chapter fifteen, you are a 1/3 of the way through the story! I hope you have been enjoying this tale I have to tell. I hope you feel a bit better about things that may have been missing on the show, even if it”s only in a fic and not truly something we saw onscreen. Who’s to say it didn’t happen this way... the world may never know. Anyway, on with the story!

Mulder has another therapy session with Rachel. They have discussed many topics and are really getting to the heart of some past troubles.

Chapter Fifteen

No Holding Back

August 2015

Mulder finished writing his most recent email to Scully and saved it, not quite ready to send it yet. He glanced at the clock and saw it was getting late and he needed to hurry.

Closing the windows, he grabbed the car keys and headed out the door. It was hot today and had been for a few days now. He could already feel the sweat on his back. A few minutes down the road, the air conditioner kicked in, and he turned it up high, letting it cool down the car and him.

His mind drifted to the email he was writing before he left. He had been writing emails to Scully for the past two months as a way to communicate without speaking. They had not had vocal contact, and it hurt, and while he knew it was right, God did he miss the sound of her voice.

The emails were a great help to him. Sometimes they were long and full of information, stories or memories of the past, and then other times, it was merely a few lines. On those days, either he had had his ass kicked at therapy, or he did not have as much to say.

Scully did not respond to the emails, but he had not asked nor expected her to do so. He had said it would be like a journal and it had been. There were some he did not send her, wanting to hold onto his thoughts to share at a later date, or perhaps not at all.

He thought of the past few months and how the therapy had helped him to see things differently. He had a bachelor of science in psychology, and yet ... he shook his head at the different ways Rachel had opened his eyes and helped him.

After their introductory meeting, he had sent her his responses to the questions she asked. At his next session, she had smiled and asked him to commit to expanding on one question per session.

The first couple of weeks were easier than the later ones. He discussed his childhood, adolescence, and his parents’ divorce. He told her of his sister and her disappearance, leaving out the aliens and the conspiracies. No need for her to think he was too crazy.

His schooling and profession were also a topic of discussion, as well as tales of what he had done before, during, and after, the bureau. Again, he left out much of his conspiracy worries of the past. She had laughed at some of his stories and quietly wiped her eyes at others.

One week when he came in, she had a look on her face that he had seen on Scully’s, but never on Rachel’s. She had always been serious with him, but also jovial. That day, she had not been jovial but sad and serious. Asking him to be completely honest with her, she stared at him. He had nodded and out it came.

He told her about the conspiracies he had believed in, which he thought would have been enough for her to tell him he was insane and needed to be locked away. She remained quiet, not saying anything as he spilled out tales of spaceships and men in ranking government positions who caused harm to others.

Scully’s story of abduction and the subsequent discovery of her cancer, left him sobbing and unable to speak for a few minutes. He sat with his head down and tears falling fast, choking him as they pushed their way to the surface.

“She was sick, and I … I was helpless to do anything to save her. She was losing weight, becoming paler, weaker, and yet … she stayed with me. She kept coming to work, hid the bloody tissues from her nosebleeds from me. Always telling me she was fine but I knew she wasn’t and I couldn’t do a goddamn thing about it,” he said quietly, the memories of those days still so heavy upon his soul.

He told her of their attempt to have a child together through IVF and the sadness when it failed. Neither of them believing it would ever happen after that as she was not able to conceive.

“I wanted that for her more than anything else. Such a small thing to give, really. She already had my heart, my soul. I would have given anything if it meant she was happy and had what she wanted. Anything,” he said, shaking his head as he remembered the way she cried in his arms when the IVF ultimately failed.

His own abduction, what he remembered of it, and his awakening to discover her pregnant was discussed, as he paced the room, the anger he felt then, bubbling close to the surface.

“I … I stupidly and also rather asshole-y thought there had maybe been someone else. That … maybe … she found a way with someone else. I was unsure of where I fit anymore, and I pushed her away instead of pulling her in,” he stopped pacing and stood still, lost in his thoughts. “But then, late one night, later than had happened in a long while, she came over. I was in bed, and she let herself in with her key and woke me up. I was angry and told her to go, but she didn’t. She took off her shirt and put my hand on her belly, never taking her eyes off mine. I felt the baby move and she smiled, keeping my hand there. Even without words I knew what she was saying.”

He drifted away and thought of how they had made love that night, finally connecting again in every way possible. The feel of her belly as he held her after, the baby moving around so much, he thought they had done something to endanger it. Her laugh as she kissed him and snuggled closer was all the answer he needed.

“I never gave up on a miracle,” she whispered before she fell asleep. “For a baby or for your return. My faith was simply tested.”

William. Being sought after, a baby born to a barren woman and the possibilities of what he was before and after his birth, created more questions than answers. Mulder would not get to answer them, not with her at least, and he left them in order to protect Scully and his son.

“I had to leave them,” he said with a sob. “It tore me apart inside, but I had to go. They … they were all I cared about. I had to protect them.”

He stopped there, falling to his knees and crying, the thoughts of that last day with William and Scully taking him down. The sadness he saw in her eyes, the way William smelled as he held him close, held them both until the last possible second, and their last kiss goodbye.

He thought of his time alone and how utterly lonely he felt. His worry for Scully and the ache to see her and William so strong, some days he would have given it all up just to hold them in his arms. The only reason he had not was because he knew they would be in danger. He would not do that to them, and instead, he stayed away, his loneliness serving as their protection.

Rachel came to him as he bent closer to the floor, doubled over from the pain of the past. She put a hand on his back, rubbing softly, saying nothing, letting him cry. He heard the timer go off on her phone and still they sat there silently, her hand comforting on his back.

As he gained control of his emotions, he sat up and she handed him the box of tissues. He blew his nose and wiped his eyes. Keeping his eyes closed, he began taking deep breaths to calm down. In through the nose, out through the mouth. 1 .. 2 .. 3 ..

When he opened his eyes, Rachel was staring at him. Her eyes red, but a kind smile on her face. She thanked him for his honesty as he left and he apologized for taking time from the next client. She smiled and shook her head explaining she always kept a time window between clients in case of things like this or to write notes. He nodded and thanked her.

When he left, he drove away but pulled over not too far from the office. He sat in the car and closed his eyes. In that moment, the thought of stopping therapy was at the top of his mind. It was too much pain to go through every week. He tried it and it was not working. It was making him feel worse.

The rest of the weekend, he thought of what he told Rachel. He took his medication, but he did not do much more than laze around the house or go for an occasional run. Not until Wednesday, when Mrs. Scully came over, did he even speak to another person.

She sussed out something was wrong and looked at him with her kind eyes. He sat on the couch with his head down and told her he wanted to stop seeing Rachel. Too many emotions and pain were brought up last time, and it hurt too much.

He heard her walk over to him, but he kept his head down. While one hand touched his back, the other rested on his arm. Tears filled his eyes as she remained silent, the hand on his back rubbing in small circles, the one on his arm simply holding tight.

They sat in silence for a while. Finally raising his head, he looked at her, but she said nothing. She simply stared at him. He took a big breath and nodded slowly. She patted his back, squeezed his arm and stood up, going to dish up the dessert she had brought.

Two days after, he sat in the waiting room, his hour approaching. Rachel opened the door, and she had the same kind smile as Mrs. Scully. He nodded as he stood and walked into the office, ready to continue down his road of healing.

Now, it had been a couple of months since that day, and while every week could be difficult, it was nothing like that one particular day. They had spoken of many things, and he had broken down many times but he stayed the course.

Pulling into the parking lot, he turned off the car and went into the waiting room. It was hot out in the August air, and the cool of the office felt good. He sat down to wait and thought of something he wanted to add to his email to Scully, a funny memory that made him chuckle.

“Fox,” he heard Rachel say as the door opened. She smiled at him as he stood and walked toward her and into the office.

“How was your weekend? And your week?” she asked him, sitting in her chair, and grabbing her paper and a pen.

“Good, it was good,” he said, moving the throw pillows and sitting on the couch.

“I’m glad to hear it. So, anything you want to bring up or discuss?” she asked, smiling at him.

“Well,” he said, clearing his throat. “I have enjoyed emailing Scully whatever I’ve thought of and sharing things with her that I have discussed with you. I feel like it’s helping me a lot with what I need to express.”

Rachel nodded and wrote some notes down. “Has she responded to your emails?”

He took a deep breath and sighed. “I have not said specifically that I wanted her to not email me, but I also said they would be like a journal for me so ...” he trailed off and cleared his throat again.

“Is she still sending you texts?”

“Yeeeeah,” he said, dragging out the word. “Not every week like before, but she’s still doing it. I think before, she was worried about me and had no idea how I was doing. Now she sees it in my emails, so I don’t think she thinks she needs to be as active as before.”

“Okay,” Rachel said, writing something down. Setting the pen down, she looked at him. “How are you feeling with your medication?”

“My medication?” he repeated, not sure what she meant.

“It’s been the same prescription for a while now, yes? Do you feel it’s working as it should? Are you feeling more or less like “yourself” every day?” she asked.

“Oh. Yeah, I’m taking it every day. I feel good. Evened out, is that what you mean?” he asked her.

“Yes. Do you have any side effects that you notice when you take it? Anything past or present?” she asked, looking directly at him. He stared back at her, and suddenly he knew where she was going with her questioning.

“Uh ...” he said, looking down. “I haven’t noticed that particular side effect recently for obvious reasons, but yes it was one that happened.”

“I don’t mean for this to be an uncomfortable conversation, just a factual one. Loss of sexual desire or inability to get and or maintain an erection are common side effects,” she said in a matter of fact tone. “There are others, but without trying to sound crude, that one is usually a big one.”

Mulder laughed and looked at her to find her smiling, her cheeks pink. “Well, geez Doc,” he said, his leg beginning to bounce. “Don’t mince words there.” She smiled and looked down.

“You said before that you two had a healthy sexual relationship, as you should,” she said, looking up at him. “When you started taking the medication, did that change?”

He stared at her, and his leg bounced faster. With a sigh, he nodded slightly and then looked down. It had changed with the medication, although he had not thought it was that at first. He attributed it to his age, his state of mind, but never to Scully. There was never a time when it would have been because of her.

“Did you stop taking the medication because of it?” she asked quietly.

“When I was pretty sure it was from that, yeah I did,” he said, his eyes still down. “I ... we did have a healthy sex life. There wasn’t a time that I ... well ... The medication made me tired at first and that was okay, it said it might on the bottle. But, when I couldn’t ... I ... that wasn’t okay. Scully ... she didn’t deserve that.”

“Did you talk to her about it?”

“You know a lot about me, but sometimes it seems like you don’t know anything,” he said somewhat coldly.

She said nothing, and he looked up at her. “Is that a constructive response? Does it further this conversation?” she asked, her face serious.

“No. I’m sorry,” he said, keeping his eyes on hers. She nodded and waited. “I didn’t talk to her about it, no.”

“So, instead you simply stopped taking your medication?”

“Yes.”

“How did that work out?”

He sighed and linked his fingers together, putting them in his lap. “It wasn’t great,” he admitted quietly.

“Mm-hmm,” she said. “I’m assuming she thought you were continuing your medication? Then, she thought it either wasn’t working or you tried to be normal, and it would backfire, leaving her even more confused.”

He closed his eyes and felt shame wash over him. He thought he was doing what was needed, what was desired for them both, but that was not how it went. Rachel was right, it had backfired many times. While the sex may have been great, the fight or avoidance later that day or the next had not been. He had only wanted to maintain the closeness and the intimacy they both craved. Instead, he had created a divide that drove them desperately apart.

“I fucked up,” he said quietly.

“Well, I understand where your head was at when you did what you did,” she said kindly and softly.

“But I fucked things up regardless,” he said, looking up at her. She held his gaze and remained silent for a minute. She folded her hands in her lap and took a deep breath.

“Fox, let me ask you a question,” she said. “If Scully was not doing well, and she had access to a medication that would help her, but she didn’t take it so that she could still be intimate with you, what would you say to her?”

“That’s ludicrous!” he said, standing up and pacing the room. “First of all, it’s different for men and women ...”

“It’s not,” Rachel interrupted him. He turned to look at her and she shook her head.

“How can you say that? Of course it is!” he said, his anger rising.

“How do you figure?” she asked, her voice calm. “Do you equate sexual desire with the ability to achieve an erection?”

“What? No ... I ...” he said, but he knew that he had thought that way a lot of the time.

“Fox, if you were ... in the mood so to speak, and Scully, though taking her medication and getting better had no desire or interest, went along with it to please you, how would you feel?”

“Like shit,” he said, his shoulders slumping as he stopped moving and stood still in the middle of the room. “If she did anything like that when she didn’t want to, I would hate myself.”

“Now, what if she stopped taking her medication but didn’t tell you ... desired you the way she always did, but later she felt as if she was being swallowed up by a sadness she could not explain? Knowing she was forgoing her health to try and seem like herself, she then fought with you or pushed you away. Fox, what would you do?” Rachel asked, sitting forward and looking at him.

He stared at her as he thought of Scully being in the position he had been in and it made him want to hit something. If she had felt even an ounce of what he had felt, he would have fought with her every day to take her medication, and they would figure it out together.

Ahh, and there it is, his mind said, shaking its head and rolling its eyes if it was able. Together. That’s where you fucked up, you dolt.

He came back and sat on the couch, deflated. He shook his head and put his head back against the cushions. He could hear Rachel shifting and writing, but he sat silent, letting this new knowledge settle in. Raising his head, he looked at her. She stared back and seemed to be waiting for something.

“I should have spoken to her about it,” he said. “I should have done a lot of things differently, but that most of all. She would have understood just as I would have if it had been the other way around.” Rachel nodded and he sighed.

“But it’s ... it’s not an easy subject to broach,” he said with an even heavier sigh. “We ... like I said, our sex life has been ... it’s been really, really great. Years of not giving in to our feelings while we worked together, and then ... well.”

He smiled, remembering that first night. The softness of Scully’s kiss and her skin, watching her undress, her stockings-dear god, the feel of her under him, the smell of her in his sheets. The first night had been the best time, in his mind. Her decision, her desire, but their love began that night.

“Fox,” Rachel said. “Any discussion of sex is difficult. But together ... it may have saved some troubles. By you not taking your medication it led to problems she did not understand since she believed you were taking them. By taking them, you felt that without sex and the closeness you shared, she would be let down. As you said, she “didn’t deserve that.” But, by not discussing it together, you were both left at a loss with no resolution.” She was silent, letting her words sink in and giving him time to respond.

“I know,” he said quietly. “So many things I can see more clearly as I stand on the outside. I think of arguments we had … times when I could see she was reaching out and I turned away from her, and that last night ...” He shook his head. If he had just gone to her, left that stupid office and found her ...

“Of course things seem easier when we look back as if with a magnifying glass,” Rachel said kindly. “But in the moment, we don’t have that same clarity. All that can be done is to learn from the past and use that knowledge to fix the future.”

_______________________

“Use that knowledge to fix the future.”

Mulder thought of Rachel’s words as he drove home. She was right, and this session had been a real eye-opener. He knew that he should have spoken to Scully. If he was completely honest with himself, he knew it was something he should have done at the beginning. As soon as sex was not something he desired as much as he had, he should have told her.

It was easier to avoid the topic and stay holed up in his office. Avoid her altogether so she could not start something that he knew he could not finish. Yes, he could have taken care of her as he loved to do, but she would have been suspicious when they did not get to the main event . Maybe she would have accepted it once or twice but after that, the questions would begin.

The thought of explaining it to her then seemed like the worst thing to him. Now, it would have been worth every uncomfortable conversation, if it meant she was home waiting for him, ready to talk about her day, watch a movie, or just sit on the porch.

Of course, she was not there when he pulled up, and he shook his head. Walking in the door, he stood in the middle of the room and shook his head again. Suddenly the house felt suffocating, and he needed to get out even though he had just walked through the door.

He changed his clothes and went for a run, attempting to clear his head. He ran for a long time, no plan, no course, and by the time he came up the porch steps, it was getting dark. He took a shower and came downstairs looking for something to eat. A plate of food warming up, he stood in his office doorway and looked around.

He felt anger rising inside him that Scully should have known the side effects better than him, her being a doctor. Why had she not told him, or broached the subject herself? Did she not think of it, or hope it would not happen? He shook his head at the time he spent hiding in his office to avoid discussing how he was feeling with the medication.

The food warming up was momentarily forgotten as an idea came to him. He would take his desk from the office, into the living room. No more hiding away, he thought.

Taking out the drawers, he stacked them on the couch. Hauling the desk into the middle of the room was a difficult task. He put the drawers back and set all the remaining items onto the desk, before stepping back and looking at what he had done. No longer angry, he simply felt a sadness that it got to this point.

Heaving a sigh, he sat down in his office chair, looking around the room. It actually was kind of nice, sitting at the desk this way, it was open and airy. Yet strangely, the quiet felt almost pressing, different than in his tiny office, making him feel a bit anxious. Not enough to send him running for his medication, but just enough to make him feel uncomfortable.

His stomach rumbled and he remembered his food in the microwave. Standing up, he looked at the desk again, thinking he should put it back but needed the food first. It had to be warmed again, and he ate it quickly, not even bothering to sit down, instead leaning against the counter.

He stared at the desk the entire time he ate. Anger, sadness, contentment, irritation all presented their ugly heads. Putting his dish in the sink, he walked past the desk and went upstairs, not wanting to deal with it tonight.

As he laid down, he realized he never finished his email to Scully. He closed his eyes and tried not to think of her sitting at her computer, hoping to hear from him, but not finding anything new. Hopefully, she was not as disappointed in him as he was in himself. He knew that some days were harder than others, but the days when he was an asshole for the sake of being an asshole, those were the days when he hated himself most.

He grabbed his phone and set his alarm for five a.m. He would get up and be sure she found an email waiting for her. At the very least, she deserved that from him.

He shook his head. No, she deserved so much more than an email and so much more than him.

#The X Files #XF Fanfic #X Files Novel #Therapy sessions are hard but oh so important #Making decisions #Talking about the past to fix the future #Realizations #Learning from past mistakes

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fictionalboys-arebetter · 5 years

Text

Aftermath - Fred Weasley

A/N: Okay, this was my first ever request (yay!). So, @auwherefredisalive, I hope this is something like what you had in mind <3

Warnings: A bit of angst to begin with, but we all get a happy ending

Word count: 2,437. Yes, I got a little carried away. No, I’m not sorry.

It was done. The Dark Lord was defeated. But at what cost?

The rational side of you knew that in war, there is loss, there are people who will not return, whose sacrifices pave the way for the better future they fought for. That side of you was drowning, lost adrift in the crushing black of you despair. What was the cost, they asked?

Fred. Fred Weasley. There were other, of course, that you would mourn. Remus. Tonks. Lavender. Little Colin Creevey. But Fred Weasley was the highest price you paid for victory. The cost you didn’t think you could bear.

When they had gathered the fallen in The Great Hall, you had gone searching for him. You almost wished you hadn’t found him, not there. He’d looked as though he’d jump up at any moment and poke fun at you all for being emotional. And although you’d chastise him for his joke being ill timed and distasteful, you’d take that over the bitter reality you were left with.

Now, Voldemort was dead and everyone was celebrating, congratulating one another on a job well done, but you couldn’t feel anything except the crushing emptiness in your chest and the weight of the ring on your left hand, heavy with promises that would never be unbroken. Except…

The thought crossed your mind like a shadow, unbidden, as you sat blankly next to the shell of the man who was everything. For the first time since you’d seen his body, you looked, really looked, at those who surrounded you. There was relief, yes, but heartbreak too. Across the hall, Ron cast a look across his shoulder as he vanished out of the doors with Harry and Hermione, one last look to convince himself that his older brother wasn’t joking this time.

Charlie stood alongside Bill; Bill who was the oldest, battle hardened and scarred and brave. Bill who didn’t bat an eyelid after his attack by a werewolf, Bill who endured in quiet strength all that life threw at him. Charlie who was broad and strong, in both body and will, who stared down dragons as though it were sport. Bill and Charlie, who both seemed smaller in grief, who wept silently but unashamedly, arms around one another for the younger sibling they couldn’t protect. Because isn’t that your worst fear, that someone or something will come for your little brother and you won’t be able to save him?

Percy hovered, alone. Since his contrite return, things had been tense between him and the rest of the family, but still he remained close at hand. Sombre, ever watching. He had been there, he should have done something, he blamed himself. It was irrational, he knew, but he was finally home. He couldn’t bear to have that ripped away

Molly. It was Molly you could hear beside you, above the din. It was a sound that could only be made by a mother who had lost her child. You hoped that Voldemort would spend his eternity in hell forced to listen to that sound. Parents shouldn’t bury their children. She had been strong during the battle, she had the rest of her children to protect, she would lose no more. Now, she had sunk beneath the weight of her despair. No longer able to hold herself upright, Arthur stood with his hand on her shoulder, his other arm around a blank Ginny. Ginny who had been sure that all her brothers were invincible. His eyes shone with tears he would only shed in private, for his family needed him now, maybe more than they had ever needed him before.

You looked at George last, because you knew that the first glance at him would suck the breath from your lungs and leave you colder than any Dementor could ever hope to. In your years with Fred, you had picked up an almost singular ability to tell them apart at a glance, and yet you knew that you would only see his face, not George’s. He was across from you, holding his brothers hand. You were struck suddenly with the realisation that however painful it was to look down on Fred now, it would be worse for George. As you would see Fred’s face in him, he would see only his face, pallid and lifeless, when he looked at Fred. Except…

The thought scuttled across your mind again, stronger this time, louder. You sat stoic as the thought repeated on a loop, burrowing it’s way into your consciousness and you knew you would not rest again until you had tried.

Seven burning heads turned as you rose from you silent vigil, watching with curiosity as you stalked silently out of the door. No one followed you, no one knew how to help. They were all broken too.

You found Harry, Ron and Hermione just sitting outside on the remains of the staircase. You sat down beside Hermione. Sensing this did not involve them, the boys rose and headed back inside to face the aftermath of the battle.

“Did McGonagall keep that time turner you used in your third year?”

You did not turn, but you felt the rush of air across your face as she whipped round to look at you, incredulous.

“You cannot be serious, Y/N? Time travel is dangerous, not to mention illegal without prior approval. Look, I know it hurts, but there are consequences for this sort of thing, you could to Azkaban, you could-”

“I don’t care, Hermione!” Her jaw snapped shut, you had never raised you voice like that in all the years she’d known you. Being engaged to a prankster required a certain degree of patience, after all. “Do you understand that I have nothing to lose and everything to gain? I don’t care what happens to me. I don’t. Just tell me what I need to know, does she still have it and do you know where it is? I won’t ask you to be any more involved than that.”

Hermione paused, she’d always been known for her love of rules and order, but she hadn’t survived all this time without breaking a few rules (or laws, for that matter) and she recognised desperation when she it, although it was a look she’d never seen on you before.

Her hesitation bolstered you, and you continued, “I have to try, ‘Mione. I have to. I’ll go insane if I don’t. I love him. I was supposed to have a life with him, to have a family and grow old and grey with him by my side. I can’t just let that go. Not if there’s a chance, any chance, that I can still have that. If it doesn’t work, there will be nothing left of me for them to break. If it works, I’ll take whatever punishment they need to give me. Hell, I’ll march into Azkaban myself if that’s what you want!”

For the first time that day, the numb feeling inside of you gave way to a sadness you knew had the power to consume you as you saw it in your minds eye, the life you so desperately wanted.

“I think she still keeps it in her office,” Hermione sighed, still not sure if this was the right thing.

You called your thanks over your shoulder as you hurried inside. Years spent running amok through these halls guided you as you let a small shard of hope pierce the black veil in your heart. It had to work. There was no other option. It had to.

Luckily, McGonagall’s office was relatively untouched, until you got there. You scoured the room from top to bottom, turning out draws and emptying cupboards with reckless abandon until you came to a shuddering halt. It almost glowed from within the desk drawer in the fading light of the afternoon, looking every inch as magical as you knew it to be.

You trembled with nerves as you hooked the thin chain around you neck, and you counted internally as you turned the charm over in your fingers.

One.

Two.

Three.

That should be enough, just enough. As time sped back in reverse and then stilled around you, you shot out of the room. Again, into the fray, you thought, mustn't be seen.

The chaos of the battle raging in full swing had you filled with anxiety, but was actually rather helpful in this endeavour. No one would really be paying attention to you, easier to slip through without causing any time-line altering catastrophes. Room of Requirement, that’s where Percy had said they were. Where it happened.

As you sped through the crumbling halls, dodging curses and death eaters alike, it occurred to you that you’d embarked on this impulsive journey without truly planning how you would change things. Damn Fred and his influential spontaneity, you thought without truly meaning it. It was through a surprising source that inspiration struck you. You recalled how all Voldemort had cast an invisible protection spell on that god awful snake of his, how everything that would harm her had bounced off until the charm was lifted when he believed Harry to be dead. That will do.

You skid to a halt, breathless and aching just around the corner. Pressing yourself into the wall, you dared a glance. Even after all this time, the sight of Fred Weasley set you alight, heart racing. He was joking aloud to Percy as he threw curses around effortlessly.

You set to work, muttering protective charms under your breath as you focused on him. This had to work. Once you were done, you cast a final glance at his face, and turned back into the shadows. You couldn’t stay, if this didn’t work, if you had to see the moment he left you, you would never recover. Knowing you couldn’t be seen until after you reached the point in time that you’d used the Time Turner, you picked your way through the madness back to McGonagall’s office. Once again, you found solace in the dark corners cast by the stone walls of the castle, and you waited. Lifetimes seemed to pass before you heard frantic footsteps, and watched yourself barrel into the office.

Moment of truth.

There was an eerie calm about the castle as you headed back to the Great Hall. You were torn between running there and dragging your heels, unsure what to expect. You strained your ears, listening for Molly’s anguished wails. Nothing.

The closer you got, the more that ringing silence seemed to lighten you, and you found yourself flat out, crashing into the doors and counting the flaming heads scattered across the room.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine.

Nine. That was it, the magic number, the full house.

“And where have you been, love? War’s over, or haven’t you heard?”

You could hear the laughter in his voice. The voice that ran through you like hot butterbeer on a December morning, burning through your veins and sending your blood signing like the strongest Firewhiskey.

And then he was right there in front of you, in the sharpest focus and the brightest colours. He tiled backwards as you sailed at him, arms tight around his neck, tears wet against his skin. He shared a puzzled look with George as his arms wound instinctively around your waist, holding you tight to him. He would speak of it to no one, but it soothed him to have you in his arms. Fear had spiked through him when you weren’t with the others, and he’d scoured the faces of the fallen, relieved when he hadn’t found yours.

“Hey now,” he pulled back to look into your eyes, “what’s all this?”

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” your voice barely broke above a whisper, eyes glistening anew as you drank him in. He was battered, bruised and cut, dirty and covered in dust, but you would swear for the rest of your life that this was his most beautiful moment.

Fred wasn’t easily surprised, but he was taken aback by the intensity when you kissed him. Your lips were chapped, but soft against his, yet he felt that you had never kissed him like this before. It set him ablaze, fire rising beneath his skin until he thought it would consume him, but he did not pull away. Not until neither of you could breath, and even when he did, he did not move away from you. He wound his arm tight around your shoulder and anchored you to his side as he turned to his family, pointedly ignoring the raise eyebrow from Charlie and the smirk from George.

They were your family too, you thought, as your eyes scanned over them once more. The scene could not have been any more different from a few hours ago. There were tears, still, but of relief and joy. There were smiles and hugs in place of broken hearts and shattered dreams.

You knew, of course, that no one else would ever know of what you had done. You would never tell them, this was your truth to guard. You would give yourself this day, this day to impart into him how close you came to losing him, to tell him without words that you would not go on without him. And then you would let it go, you would not let what almost was take what would be. Voldemort and his fanatics had taken enough from you all, he would not get to take your wedding, your family, your future. You would not let him ruin you from beyond the grave.

Fred instinctively focused his gaze down to where you rested your head on his chest as he felt you turn upwards to look at him.

“Let’s not wait, Freddy. Let’s get married now.”

He didn’t need to answer with words, his blinding smile as he leaned down you kiss you again was enough to send Molly off into a fountain of happy tears, thoughts of weddings and grandchildren dancing in her head.

#fred weasley #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley x reader #harry potter #harry potter imagine #hp #hp imagines

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dragabloodvist · 5 years

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The Darkcup Chronicles: How to train your prize - 3

Summary:

Hiccup shows his dark side.

Notes:

This Hiccup is twisted and cruel... I love him.

___

The next time Astrid woke up, she felt significantly better and more awake than the last time. She was still a little dizzy, but she had no problems sitting up and taking a long look around her as she tried to remember where she was.

It came to her slowly. This was Hiccup’s hut, his bed. She was naked and hurting, inside of her, between her legs and in her lower body. Horrible images came to her mind, explaining why she was hurting in those places. Images of Hiccup above her, forcing her to do and accept things she hadn’t wanted. But no, that couldn’t be true, could it? Hiccup would never do something like that!

Would he?

Astrid shook her head in disbelief, half-certain that she’d only had a weird dream. Hiccup loved her. He’d made that clear on many occasions, had told her so, had even asked her to become his wife. He wouldn’t rape her, right?

But the longer she sat there thinking about it, the clearer the images in her head became and the more evidence she discovered on her body. Like the sore skin around her wrists and ankles where she’d been bound. Bruises on her thighs and waist, one clearly hand-shaped. The dried remains of a sticky white liquid around her slit.

Oh, Gods! Had all that really happened? A quiet sob left her mouth before she could hold it back. She didn’t want to make any noises and draw attention to herself, not until she knew what was happening. She wasn’t bound anymore which was at least something, but it also didn’t quite fit to what she remembered. The same was true for her clothes. She might be naked, but her leggings, tunic, and skirt lay neatly folded on a small stool nearby. And even though she was alone up here, she could hear Hiccup downstairs, rummaging about and - was he humming to himself? None of this made any sense.

Astrid decided that staying up here and pondering wouldn’t do her any good. She needed answers and she wouldn’t get them by panicking. Careful not to make any traitorous noises, she put her clothes back on and then made her way downstairs. Toothless was lying around in a corner but she more focused on Hiccup where he worked in his little kitchen. She watched him silently, not wanting to draw his attention just yet as he appeared to prepare some food in two bowls, for him and for herself. And she didn't miss how he mixed some to her unknown power into only one of the bowls, the one he placed where she would be sitting. And from one moment to the other, she realised something.

"You've drugged me!"

The words were out of her mouth before she could hold them back, the truth behind them suddenly clear as crystal. Why her memories had been so fuzzy and why she recalled how her body had wanted him to touch her, even as her mind had disagreed. He'd even said he'd do it after their return from Berk. She’d just thought that he’d been joking.

Hiccup's eyes snapped up to her but if he felt guilty or any form of remorse he didn't show it. Instead, there was only surprise on his face, maybe even a small smile. "You're awake already? I was just about to come and wake you up. Dinner's ready, even though it still might be a little hot."

He indicated for her to sit down, but Astrid wouldn't fall into that trap, not again. "You've drugged me!" she repeated, waving at the food. "You've drugged me and then raped me! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT!?"

Astrid had expected for him to deny the accusation, to stammer some apologies or even to get angry as he objected, but none of that happened. Instead, he stayed eerily calm.

"You're right, I put something in your food last night. But only to make things easier. And I didn't rape you. You enjoyed it just as much as I did, don’t even try to deny it. Besides, you're mine now, remember? Mine to do with as I please."

Astrid could do little but stare at him in bafflement. "You can't be serious! If this is some sick joke, then it's not funny, Hiccup. What makes you think you can use me as… as your sex slave?"

Hiccup's eyes tightened. "Because you agreed to it," he said in a harsh voice. "You signed the contract as did your parents. You accepted the price my father paid for you, gladly even. You're mine now, Astrid. MINE! The sooner you accept that the easier things will be for you. I don't want to hurt you but I will if you make me."

"You want to hurt me?" Astrid shrieked. If the situation wasn't so weird, she would have laughed. "As if you could! And I never agreed to something like this! I-I thought you loved me. I agreed to marry you, to spend our future together, our lives connected by that love. But this? This is insane! You are insane! And if you truly think I’m going to play along with this madness then you’re more stupid than I thought."

Hiccup was glaring at her with a clearly angry expression now, slowly coming closer. He held something in his hand, some kind of flask, but she couldn't tell what it was. "Don't do this, Astrid. Don't fight against me. You can only lose." His voice was calm but trembling with underlying anger.

"Oh yeah? Do you think I just let you use me like that? No way, Hiccup!" And with that, she left.

Or… had meant to leave.

Hiccup made a quick gesture, snapping his fingers, and she flinched as suddenly Toothless blocked her way out. He wasn’t relaxed and sleepy anymore but in a clearly aggressive posture, growling at her. Normally, she’d say that there was no way one of their dragons would harm anyone of them in earnest, but right now, she wasn’t so sure anymore. She’d been wrong about Hiccup, too.

“That’s right,” came Hiccup’s voice from behind her. “He won’t let you leave. This is your last warning, Astrid. Don’t fight me.”

She whirled around, fighting the lingering dizziness in her head, and crouched into a combat stance. “If you think I’ll just give in like that then-”

She broke off, gasping when she was hit by something damp. Hiccup held the flask from before in her direction, engulfing her in a damp cloud of bluish mist that made it impossible for her to move. Her eyes widened as realisation hit her, but there was nothing she could do anymore, no way to fight or to resist.

There was actual sadness in Hiccup’s eyes as he came toward her after placing the flask onto a sideboard. “Originally, I didn’t intend to use Flightmare mist on you. I know how you feel about it with how it is connected to your family’s shame. But you didn’t leave me any choice. This is your fault, Astrid. Yours alone!”

Without a warning, he slapped her in the face, hard, with the back of his hand. Her head snapped to the side and she gasped out a small cry, but there was nothing she could do to ward him off. Her eyes were filled with tears of anger and pain, her lip stinging from where it had split at his blow. She wanted to whirl around and attack him in return. He was no match for her, after all. But the Flightmare mist kept her paralysed, helpless and vulnerable to whatever Hiccup wanted to do to her now.

“This is all your fault!” he snarled again as he grabbed her, one hand in her hair and the other on her shoulder. He pushed her down onto the ground until she knelt before him, holding her head so she had no choice but to look at him. “Do you understand me? None of this needed to happen. But I won’t allow you to disobey me, not ever. If you do, I have to punish you. Until you know your place. Got it?”

He didn’t wait for an answer which wouldn’t have come anyway. Instead, he got back up on his feet and loosened his belt for his pants to be pushed down and for his manhood to spring forward. Astrid felt a panic rise inside her, having an idea of what was on his mind. So far, him violating her had been kind of pleasurable, that much she had to admit. But with Hiccup being this angry, things would be different this time.

She wished she could say something, just do anything to ward him off, fight or argue or even plead. But her body wouldn’t react as she wanted it to. She could only watch and endure in horror as he forced her jaw open and pushed his pulsing cock into her mouth. It made her gag as he hit the back of her mouth, those reflexes still very much in order, but it didn’t do her any good. If anything, it seemed to annoy Hiccup even further. Snarling, he pulled out, changed the angle of her head, and thrust right back in, this time going much deeper down her throat.

Astrid momentarily lost all sense for her surroundings, lost in her rising panic and the pain his intrusion caused her. She wanted to scream at how much it hurt when Hiccup pushed his entire cock down her throat, surely tearing something inside her. But all her body did was gagging and choking at the uncomfortable invasion and clenching around the hard meat in an attempt to push it out. Her eyes went up to Hiccup’s pleading and filled with tears. Why was he doing this to her? How was he even capable of such violence? It hurt! But if she’d hoped to find some form of compassion in his expression, she got disappointed.

“Mmmm, you look lovely like this,” he sneered, pushing in deep and holding her in place, her nose pressed into his pubic hair and unable to breathe with her throat filled by his cock. “I can’t wait until you’re properly trained and will do this on your own. But we have time, don’t we? All the time in the world.” He rocked his hips forward, making her shriek. “I just hope you’ll learn your lesson now. For your sake.”

Those were the last words he spoke before he thankfully pulled her head back and let her breathe. If didn’t last long though and before she’d even gulped down a third lungful of air, his thick cock was back inside her. And if she’d thought that first deep thrust had been bad, she was about to learn a whole new level of agony. Hiccup’s hands were firmly around her head, tugging painfully at her hair as he fucked her throat without mercy. In and out he pushed, his groans evidence of how much pleasure he received from her body without paying any heed to how she felt. His speed and force only grew, leaving her twitching around him as she choked almost constantly. Tears ran down her face freely, mingling with the spit on her chin, but she couldn’t care less about that.

The longer he fucked her mouth, the harder it became to breathe. Deeper and deeper he pushed, holding her in place to let her choking muscles massage even more pleasure into him. Before long, Astrid became frantic. In addition to the pain and humiliation she felt, her head became even fuzzier and black spots appeared before her eyes. She needed to breathe! But there was still nothing she could do, couldn’t move a muscle to push him away and couldn’t gasp out some noise to make him stop either. She was entirely at his mercy, and if he planned to kill her by suffocation, then there was nothing stopping him. Maybe, that would even be the preferable option as it meant all this would end soon.

Astrid closed her eyes and gave up any useless struggles. She felt too weak to do anything anyway, and that wasn’t even with taking her paralysed muscles into account. She was at Hiccup’s mercy, and if he wanted to kill her… then he would.

Her last thought before she lost consciousness was how it was possible that she’d misjudged him so badly.

_________________________________

Anger fueled Hiccup’s every motion as he plowed into Astrid’s mouth without any restraints. How could she do this to him? She was supposed to be his now, to follow his lead and to do whatever he told her to do. He’d known that she would resist and that he would need the aphrodisiacs to make her compliant. But he’d hoped that giving her enough pleasure would be all the convincing she needed. After how she hadn’t really fought him this morning, he’d thought that she’d understood, had even removed all restraints. He didn’t want to hurt her but now, he had no choice. If she insisted on resisting him… then he had to punish her!

And it wasn’t as if he didn’t enjoy this punishment, either. Freia, her mouth around his long and thick length felt amazing, and the sight of her so utterly helpless made it even better. Here she was, Astrid of House Hofferson, best warrior Berk had, on her knees and being forced to take his cock without resistance. It sent a thrill down his back and made him grip her hair even harder, made him push down her throat with even more force. He was her master now, and what better way was there to make her understand?

And Gods did it ever feel good! So hot and tight, her wet throat clenching around him over and over again. On and on he fucked her face, groaning and swearing as the familiar tightness started to build in his balls.

It took him a little while before he noticed that she wasn’t reaction anymore, though. Earlier, she’d made all those lovely noises of pain and resistance, but now, she was entirely still quiet, like nothing but a puppet in his hands.

She’d fallen unconscious!

With an angry snarl, Hiccup pushed her off his cock and watched as her limp body fell to the ground as if it was nothing but dead weight. The Flightmare mist was apparently already losing its effect on her, or her stiff muscles would have kept her upright at least to some degree. But he wouldn’t let her get away just like that, wouldn’t let her retreat into unconsciousness. Not after how much she’d hurt him by defying him.

With a few rough motions, he picked her up and off the floor. When she still didn’t react, he slapped her in the face, satisfied when that woke her up again. Astrid’s eyes, usually so beautiful with her inner strength and confidence, sprang open in shock, dizziness and fear clouding the blue. And Hiccup found that this expression didn’t do anything to dampen their beauty. By the Gods, he loved her so much. If only she hadn’t fought against him!

“You’re not getting away that easily,” he snarled into her ear, delighting at the low whimper that escaped her. Yeah, that was right. She should fear his retribution. Maybe it would keep her from disobeying him again.

As good as fucking her mouth had felt, Hiccup didn’t entirely trust himself not to drive her into unconsciousness again. So he pushed her over to one of his work tables, brushed the few tools lying around there away, and practically threw her face-first onto the hard surface. She yelped and struggled but her weak attempts wouldn’t help her. Hiccup grabbed her wrists and pushed her down with one hand on her back, holding her in place as he pulled her leggings and skirt down to reveal her lovely ass and her swollen cunt. It was a fantastic sight, one he intended to admire many more times, but today he didn’t have the patience for that.

Holding her hips in place, the other hand still pushing her upper body and arms down onto the table, he didn’t hesitate to get his cock into position at her slit and push in without much preamble. Astrid cried out in pain and even though Hiccup hissed at her dry tightness too, he didn’t pause. Yes, it hurt, but it didn’t hurt him as much as it hurt her. And right now, he wanted her to hurt! He wanted her to learn her lesson, to never disobey him again!

He fucked her at a bruising pace, thrilled by her weak squirming against his hold and her noises of protest, the screams, crying, sobbing, and whimpering. Yes, she was his, his, and she had no option but to accept her fate.

It surprised him how much punishing her like this turned him on. So far, he’d only pictured her willingly or sometimes even eagerly doing his bidding. But taking the choice entirely away from her… yeah, he rather liked that, too.

When another sob tore itself from her abused throat, it even was almost enough to tip him over the edge already. But no matter how much he enjoyed this, he also knew that the key in bending her to his will was in giving her pleasure in return. So he forced himself to hold back and to make this last until her body started to feel pleasure from his cock inside her, too. It became obvious when she stopped struggling against his hold and instead squirmed to meet his thrusts and when her cries turned into wanton moans instead. There still were enough aphrodisiacs in her system to make her body a slave to the pleasure he could give her, after all.

But this was still a punishment, his rage from earlier still burning hot. So he fucked her even harder, mingling her pleasure with fresh pain. It was liberating to put his anger into his every thrust, the slapping of skin on skin and her pleas for him to stop like sweet honey. Finally, he was fully in charge and his soul sang at that fact. She was his, his, his!

When he felt that she was getting closer to her climax, Hiccup stopped holding back. Before she could reach her end, he came, buried balls-deep in her hot body and pumping his entire load deep into her caverns, his fingers digging into her hips so tightly that they surely would leave bruises. He groaned as intense pleasure sparked up his spine and exploded in his head, making him shudder and curse unashamedly. This was quite possibly the best orgasm he’d ever had. When he was done, he slumped forward, resting his body on top of hers on the table, and enjoyed the sensation of her still around him, occasionally clenching, wanting, needing more, and her needy little noises that told him a part of her was still hoping for those last stimulations to make her cum as well. Well, she would have to go without that now.

When the pleasure ebbed off though, he felt that his anger apparently had left with it. What remained was the dull ache her rejection and disobedience had left behind in his heart. Snuggling close against her back beneath him, he leaned more heavily onto her, his nose in her hair to deeply inhale her scent.

"Don't do this to me," he mumbled pleadingly. "Don't fight me. Don't you think you've hurt me enough with all those years of rejection? I've loved you for so long that I've earned you love in return by now, haven't I? Please don't hurt me even more by resisting me now, Astrid. Please!"

But she didn't answer and when he finally pushed himself up and off her, he found that she'd fallen unconscious again. He pulled out of her, spotting quite some blood on his cock, mingled with his cum, and when he turned Astrid's limb body around, he saw blood on her face too, from a split lip but also from her used throat. There even were marks on her thighs from where he'd pressed her against the table, not bloody but close to it.

With a sigh and something of a grimace, Hiccup picked her unmoving body up and carried her back up to his bed. He hadn't wanted to injure her, but she hadn't left him any other choice, had she? Disobedience required punishment!

He spent some time on tending to her injuries, like putting a healing salve on her lip and feeding her a spoonful of honey to ease the soreness in her throat. There was little he could do about the tears she'd received inside her vagina, but those would heal soon enough on their own. And until then, they would remind her of what awaited her if she resisted him again.

Because even though he'd enjoyed punishing her in some way, he still hoped that she'd learned her lesson now.

___

Notes:

I wonder if Astrid has really learned her lesson already. And what else Hiccup might have up his sleeve for her.

#Darkcup #Hiccstrid #tw: rape #fanfiction #Astrid!whump #Whump

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