#i have an extremely addictive personality and i spend a horrible amount of time on here | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

m-mughal-blog · 2 years

Text

Heard vs Depp: A Third Person's Point of View

People have picked their sides in the legal dispute going on between Amber Heard and Johnny Depp where Depp has sued Amber Heard in a $50m defamation lawsuit over an article she wrote in The Washington Post in 2018, in which she depicted herself as a 'public figure representing domestic abuse'.

But, the conflict is greater, murkier and more complicated at the centre than what meets the eye. Amber Heard says Johnny Depp abused her but on the opposite side, Depp says Heard abused him. So, what's the truth? Personally, here's what I think of it.

I have seen alot of people accusing Amber heard and calling her a liar in an online upsurge of reactions to her accounts of violent episodes that occurred during their marriage.

People, particularly, ladies, rush to dismiss her accounts of everything for two reasons probably; 1) to break the stereotypes that women always support women in the name of woman's rights above human rights, consequently, to prove to the male counterparts that it's false. 2) Lack of concrete evidence to back up her claims/case with.

First of all, absence of proofs doesn't always imply that the incident didn't take place or the account being submitted isn't truthful or honest.

Living in a constantly intoxicating environment can damage alot. Just in Hollywood, we have numerous examples of celebrity couples and families going to pieces because of people's addictions or substances abuse. The most prominent ones I can recall presently are; Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown, and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to give some examples.

In Amber Heard and Johnny Depp's case, tragically, Depp is the addicted one. Not many people will understand that living with somebody who is addicted to intoxicating substances and tends be get high generally daily, is difficult beyond one can imagine. It's like tossing a stone into a still lake: the effects swell out and impact generally that is closest. In case of a partner who uses drugs or drinks to an extreme, the impact is felt for the most part by their kids, family members, friends, and co-workers. However, the greater cost is often borne by the abuser's partner. As it makes profound communicational distance between the partners, removes their possibilities of spending time together as the time then is spend being high or passed out, thus, giving births to fights and a lot of arguments, which at times, can become rough or violent. Particularly because of the fact that the substance can affect and change your brain's ability to think appropriately or rationally. You will more often than not be fomented or irritated easily, therefore, resulting in serious behavioural problems and mood swings, etc. And, without giving your actions any thoughts, you will quite often project all of that on closed or loved ones the most. So, yes, loved ones bear the greater impacts of the aftereffects of your abuses.

The worst thing is, it also affects your memory. You can put people around you through the most awful and crazy crap under the influence of intoxication and later on don't even remember that. Which will automatically make the describer a liar in your eyes if they fail to present any proofs of said incident. In this case too, there's a greater amount of a proof of insane & horrible behaviour on Depp's part that he was putting her through under intoxication. A lot of which he's admitted he didn't remember. For instance, the texts. If they weren't on the record, he could have denied ever sending those terrible and upsetting messages to his friend, regarding his spouse. But, since it's proven, now he can't.

Showing up intoxicated on Amber's birthday, calling her all sorts of names etc doesn't really paint a clean and sensible picture of him from any angle.

Concerning the children part, he's the dad, he got the greatest and mandatory obligations towards his children, for example, providing a perfect and loving environment for them at home. And, Amber alone can't achieve that without his essential role in it. Sure, she probably had been yelling and screaming at him during the arguments, however, dealing with that when level-headed and clean might have been more useful and fruitful than while fighting impaired, which clearly made fights to escalate faster and on a greater scale than under normal conditions.

I don't imply that Amber Heard is an Angel & Johnny Depp is the evil monster alone. But, one must be purely blind to not analyze the evidences submitted in court on day 17-18 onwards, from an unbiased viewpoint.

Johnny Depp has a problem of intoxicating substances addiction, which is absolutely dangerous and main driver of alot issues in any relationship or a setting. Basically, what I'm emphasising on is that depp also was at fault, infact, all the more so on the grounds that he'd do drugs and drink constantly because of which he was unable to be himself and was definitely upset both, mentally and and physically, healthwise which reflected in his interactions with her. He's much older than her, he should be more responsible and mature than her. Particularly when he had his kids around.

#defamation #amber heard #johnny depp #defamation trial

11 notes · View notes

starr-fall-knight-rise · 3 years

Text

Humans are Space Orcs, “Maladaptive Coping.”

This idea was given to me by a good friend of mine

*WARNING* This issue of Krill’s journal contains literally ALL of the things that might bother you. Every self destructive behavior I could think of is mentioned in this piece. So PLEASE do not read it if there is even the slightest chance that it may bother you. I wont list everything here, and trust you to make your own decision on weather it is a good idea for you to read this or not.

Also, a important note is that this is from an aliens perspective, and so does not contain every last nuance of these behaviors and the reasons behind them. I hope those of you who read a great day, and those who don’t read a great day as well! :)

The Journal of Xenomedical Biology

Author: Dr. Krill of the Vrul

The Human Manifestation of Self destructive Tendencies and Their Signs.

Over the past few years of studying and learning to understand humans, It has come to the attention of the medical community that humans are the most volatile species, psychologically. This is not meant as negative commentary on human issues as it might seem, but merely an observation that humans have the most widely varied pattern of psychological maladaptive responses when it comes to stress and related mental illness. Where each other species tends to have only two or three typical maladaptive responses, humans have been known to have analogous representations of all known mental abnormalities.

Now this journal is not specifically about all the ways the human brain can go wrong, but more accurately about the maladaptive response I have seen in humans over the past few years primarily demonstrating self destructive behaviors in one way or another.

You might notice an interesting pattern in my analysis today that clearly demonstrates a repetitive contradictory pattern in human self destructive tendencies, which will demonstrate just how varied and widely differing their responses can be.

First, humans have socially destructive behavior.which can come in many forms.

Withdrawal: from friends or close loved ones is a common self destructive behavior to look for in humans. This can happen on a large or small scale where the human withdraws for hours or even years. As a social species, humans find social interaction important, even if that is only remote communications with other humans. If that human begins to withdraw suddenly or even gradually over time, I might suggest being concerned about their well- being.

Now here is where the contradictions come into play, and forgive me if some of these social behaviors also overlap with the physical behaviors, with humans, they are often one in the same.

Increased socially dangerous behavior: now this may account for many things. Some humans will fall into a downward spiral where they surround themselves with other like minded humans and participate in dangerous physical activities, which I will discuss later

Increased partners: Now, while this behavior may be common for many humans, and could be argued as a physical behavior, there is cause for concern if a human suddenly increases the number of physical partners from their average. This usually accompanies reckless social behavior like not meeting the partner first before entering into a physical relationship, doing this on multiple occasions and might also be connected with the following -

Staying with an objectively horrible partner: now it is hard to identify why some humans do this, but often humans will choose a partner who is objectively horrible to them either physically or emotionally. Sometimes humans do this because they are afraid of the repercussions, are afraid of being alone, or they have been convinced that there is no other possible person out there who might love them. Humans put a lot of stock into physical relationships and many of them would rather be with someone horrible than be alone. Due to their social nature many humans put social interaction and partnership over their safety and mental health. If you see a human participating in this behavior, it is advised to get them help,even if the human does not want it. They deserve more than being treated horribly.

Now on occasion two humans in a downward spiral might come together and create a codependent relationship where they cannot function without one another. What the other human does the oher will follow and this can lead them both into a spiral of horrible physical and mental behaviors that will cause anguish in the long term. If one of them is involved with drugs, the other will follow etc.

Now some humans might even participate in self destructive behaviors that look good from an outside perspective. For instance, it is a common occurrence that humans overwork themselves to the point of burnout. Often humans throw themselves into their work to distract their minds and avoid the pain of something else, thi may include memories or having to return to an environment where they do not wish to go. These humans will work many hours and sacrifice their social lives to do more work, causing long term stress that can lead to heart attack stroke and other physical diseases related to increased stress and heightened blood pressure. Some humans may participate in this behavior as a way to prove themselves to others, that they are either competent or hard working.

On the flipside of this there are other humans who may just stop working at all. They let everything in their lives fall apart, and stop doing anything of note causing them to lose their jobs, their hobbies, their families and their friends. This one is often related to a withdrawal from other people and might include elements of physical recklessness like drug abuse.

Secondly and including a much wider range of self destructive behaviors, we see the physical manifestations of this phenomenon which vary widely and tend to come in opposing pairs..

Overheating and undereating: are two very common forms of stress response from humans. If humans have conditioned to see food as a reward for behavior or as a comforting mechanism (oten developed in childhood) they will eat in order to comfort themselves and to the point where it is adversely affecting their physical health. They may eat even if they are not hungry or if they are actively full. Some humans experience digestive issues while under stress and may even refuse to eat at all. There are other extreme cases where humans, usually in response to a perceived lack of control, will regulate their food intake to the point of starvation or other food related disorders.

This is closely related to over exercising, and also has links with a perceived lack of control in their life. These humans, often paired with restricted eating, will push themselves to their physical limit to control their own bodies as a form of having a hold on their own lives. This paired with restricted calories can cause an untold amount of damage both physically and metnally. Mental disorders linked to these behaviors are known to be the most deadly of disorders known to humans.

The consumption of Drugs and Alcohol

This is a very common and often overlooked behavior in humans. Drinking is the consumption of beverages that contain Ethanol, which when reacting in the human brain causes, extreme mental degradation related to fuzziness and euphoria. Humans find this a pleasant feeling though it causes damage to many internal structures most primarily the liver. Unfortunately drinking is seen as a socially acceptable behavior with humans and so excessive drinking is often caught too late or not called out at all. These humans may drink from the beginning to the end of the day and will build up a tolerance to alcohol amounts that would kill another human. They build up an immunity to the point where they need larger and larger doses to feel the same effects. They will often neglect their social connections including friends and family for a chance with the bottle.

This is the same with other illicit drugs, which may have even more severe effects on the person and my lead to drug induced psychosis. Both substances are highly addictive to the point where a human may commit horrible acts like murder, robbery, etc to get the drugs that they crave. This is usually in response to some sort of mental anguish they are trying to drown out but may be related to them becoming hooked on drugs they needed after surgery. On rare occasions, this behavior began in conjunction with destructive social behaviors which lead them down into a spiral.

Excessive partying is often paired with drug use and an increased amount of intimate partners. Many humans who have fallen into this spiral might refuse to admit that they are spiraling at all. Generally limited use of a substance can be acceptable for a human, but there are plenty of other chemicals that should not be consumed at all.

There are even some drugs that are known to be mild on the user but may cause emotional dependence. These drugs are not known to cause physical dependance, but the human can convince themselves that they require the drug to function emotionally during the day and will neglect their family, friends and lives in order to spend more time with their drug of choice Again you will see the withdrawal from social contacts as an extreme warning sign in humans.

Sleeping too much or not sleeping at all:A human getting enough sleep is important for their mental health but sleeping too much is proven to throw off circadian rhythms and increase chances of depression or worsening depression. Humans require an amount of sleep that is no more or no less than what they need. Many humans will claim to not be getting enough sleep because they feel tired, when in reality their oversleeping causes grogginess and reduced amount of energy though it might seem counter intuitive. On the other hand humans might refuse to sleep at all, instead occupying their time with some other activity. It is important to remember though that an inability to sleep might also be insomnia, and the human hs no choices in the matter. I find that humans, in general, are horrible at regulating a proper healthy sleep schedule.

Participation in dangerous hobbies. Now, I understand that this is common for many humans and does not indicate self destructive behavior, but I would consider noting when a human suddenly involves themselves in dangerous hobbies after not participating for a long time, especially when that human is not careful and doesnt take time to properly consider safety protocols.

Another very common one is humans causing intentional physical harm to themselves. This comes in levels of severity and I would say that most humans do this to some degree or another. Often these are connected to nervous ticks or even learned behaviors from childhood. This can include, picking scabs, biting nails, picking at the skin of the thumbs or the lips, pilling hair, and biting the inside of the cheeks. These smaller behaviors are usually minor and do not require attention, they may cause scarring but are not generally connected to extreme mental anguish.

However, these behaviors can escalate dramatically to the use of knives and razors. This behavior is EXTREMELY maladaptive and indicates severe mental anguish and trauma and must be addressed immediately. These behaviors might escalate and be linked to loss of life by the human’s own hand. I have not witnessed this personally, and I never intend to as I keep a very close eye on my humans.

#HUMANS ARE WERID #humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #humans are insane #humans are deathworlders #earth is a deathworld #Earth is space Ausralia #humans are space oddities

388 notes · View notes

do-you-have-a-flag · 3 years

Text

saw a video commentating on how toxic (buzzword, i know, but i want to capture the general sense of the term before it got overused) twitter is and while it was 100% correct in it’s points (addictive design, harmful culture, negative impact on mental health, encouragement of harassment, lack of control over how things spread ect) hearing this sort of stuff discussed over and over again is kind of repetitive to me and really reminds me that not everyone had the same internet experience i do

i have a moderately addictive tendency with entertainment, i know it so i am extra careful to moderate my use of online spaces so i don’t fall down hate motivated engagement too often (e.g: i will watch a carefully worded essay about an internet weirdo for the sake of curiosity, i won’t view or engage with direct bullying of that person)

i spent a chunk of my teens in the 2000s looking at memes on one of the most extreme online forums and while it was definitely less consumed by actual hate groups then it still contained a LOT of horrible content so i quickly 1: got desensitised to shock images 2: got to see the risks of being a victim of online targeting 3: learned the syntax or tone of edgy internet humour/trolling. So I learnt how to spot certain patterns and be wary of certain types of people

the result of all of this is that even when encountering tumblr’s brand of harmful content (the sheer amount of E//D and S//H in the early to mid 2010s on here was atrocious) things like dogpiling and sock puppet accounts and drama provocation didn’t really phase me i learnt how to curate it and the same goes for twitter (although i have less control there of how much shit is promoted BY twitter trending)

so like i sympathise with criticisms of tumblr or twitter or tiktok or any other social platform because the attention driven infrastructure of these types of websites really accelerate the WORST messages and behaviours. but at the same time i kind of despair what i consider to be web literacy.

Web literacy, for lack of a better term, is the kind of learned practicality in using online spaces similar to how people should ideally be taught to evaluate the news and media and social interaction ect. i’ve said it before but when computers became more household standard in the 90s there was a push for child and adult education that was primarily hard/software based, in the 2000s there was SOME online safety stuff introduced but it’s really not until now that the actual impact of the internet as a social space is discussed in how it effects culture. I feel like there’s a gap where older adults have little frame of reference to cope with the web, children lack the critical skills to deal with it on their own, and teens and young adults grew up having to figure a lot of this out on their own so there are gaps.

I wish there were more standards and oversight for how people are taught to interact online and what large web companies were allowed to do with their platforms. i wish other than grouping everything in with “bullying” cyber safety was paired with lessons in curation and restraint and critical thinking. i wish that the predatory and gambling-esque practices of bigger online companies in their infrastructure was restricted and penalised. I wish that the internet was treated as a utility and people’s information and attention weren’t bought and sold as products to companies. I wish a lot of things about how people behave and react online.

i spend too many hours online and not all of it is constructive or engaging with positive topics. but i’m careful about malicious content and negativity bingeing. i make sure that the online spaces i do frequent are wrangled either via algorithm or organised exploration into environments i find fun and engaging. mainstream media like tv and radio didn’t allow for the level of customisation we have now and i like to take advantage of that fact, i acknowledge that the way i engage with the internet creates a bubble.

but just because i am under-informed about the darker aspects of web culture at the moment doesn’t mean i take for granted the existence BECAUSE i spent my teens and early 20s seeing the worst of it. the last several years has been an eye opener in just how much online behaviour is not just an extreme version of real world behaviour but it also feeds back into irl spaces creating new and complex problems. the kinds of problems that MIGHT be less pervasive if we had more social structures to support digital literacy and critical media engagement.

sorry about the essay but tumblr was originally intended as a blogging platform so consider this a semiformal blog post of my thoughts idk. internet’s fucked but no more than the rest of reality. I wish more people actively worked to make their online spaces pleasant for their own sakes at the least.

#long post

35 notes · View notes

lvsamine · 3 years

Text

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME: Lusamine Aether PRONUNCIATION: Loo-suh-meen Ay-ther MEANING: Derived from ‘balsamine’ plant REASONING: ?? NICKNAME(S): Lusa, Lusy, Madam Prez PREFERRED NAME(S): Lusamine BIRTH DATE: May 28th AGE: 44 ZODIAC: Gemini GENDER: Cis Female PRONOUNS: She/Her ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Biromantic SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual NATIONALITY: Kalosian ETHNICITY: White CURRENT LOCATION: Aether Paradise, Alola LIVING CONDITIONS: Great?? TITLE(S): Aether President

BACKGROUND

BIRTH PLACE: Lumiose City, Kalos HOMETOWN: Lumiose City, Kalos SOCIAL CLASS: She’s In The 1% Babey. EDUCATION LEVEL: Obtained GED. FATHER: Basile Aether MOTHER: Manette Aether (Deceased) SIBLING(S): Cynthia (half-sister) (@/hclloffcme) BIRTH ORDER: Lusamine > Cynthia CHILDREN: Gladion, Lillie PET(S): Clefable, Lilligant, Mismagius, Milotic, Bewear OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIVES: N/A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: Unnamed fiance, Mohn ARRESTS?: No, should have been though. PRISON TIME?: No.

OCCUPATION & INCOME

PRIMARY SOURCE OF INCOME: Aether’s reservation center. SECONDARY SOURCE OF INCOME: Stock investments. TERTIARY SOURCE(S) OF INCOME: N/A APPROXIMATE AMOUNT PER YEAR: You Know. CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB (OR LACK THERE OF)?: Supposedly PAST JOB(S): N/A SPENDING HABITS: Doesn’t spend much, but can be impulsive when she sees something she wants. MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION: Family photo of her, Mohn, and the kids.

SKILLS & ABILITIES

PHYSICAL STRENGTH: Very weak. OFFENSE: Poor, unless she uses her heels or teeth. DEFENSE: Also poor! She’s fragile!! SPEED: Walks fast, that’s about it. INTELLIGENCE: Very knowledgeable about Pokemon and manipulation tactics :) ACCURACY: Pretty good, if she’s aiming for you, she’ll probably hit you. AGILITY: Good in small bursts STAMINA: Low in most situations... high in sexual situations TEAMWORK: Doesn’t like it, but can do it. TALENTS: ...Being mean? SHORTCOMINGS: VERY short tempered, quick to go on the offensive, prone to total meltdowns if things go badly. LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: English, French DRIVE?: Nope! JUMP-STAR A CAR?: Absolutely not. CHANGE A FLAT TIRE?: She wouldn’t even try. RIDE A BICYCLE?: Also no. SWIM?: Yes! Doesn’t do it as often as she’d like. PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?: Nnnnope. PLAY CHESS?: yes, she loves chess. BRAID HAIR?: yep! TIE A TIE?: Sure can. PICK A LOCK?: LOL NO.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS

FACE CLAIM: ...Lusamine. EYE COLOR: Green HAIR COLOR: Blonde HAIR TYPE/STYLE: A long, geometric nightmare with a pointless ponytail. GLASSES/CONTACTS?: No, but she might need them sometime soon. DOMINANT HAND: Right handed. HEIGHT: 5′9 / 152cm WEIGHT: 120lbs / 54kg BUILD: Ruler-shaped, I guess? EXERCISE HABITS: Stretches in the morning, takes daily walks. SKIN TONE: Pale white. TATTOOS: Never, god. PEIRCINGS: Earrings, though she doesn’t wear them often. MARKS/SCARS: HUGE tendril scars from Nihilego all over her torso and back. NOTABLE FEATURES: The Scars Probably. USUAL EXPRESSION: Neutral positive or completely drained. CLOTHING STYLE: White and brown clothing, usually with leggings and long sleeves. JEWELRY: Earrings and necklaces sometimes, Big Fuckin Chest Gem. What is that. ALLERGIES: None. BODY TEMPERATURE: ...97 F? DIET: Coffee and protein bars, with the occasional salad. PHYSICAL AILMENTS: Permanent atrial fibrillation, fibromyalgia, functional dyspepsia.

PSYCHOLOGY

JUNG TYPE: ESTJ JUNG SUBTYPE: ?? ENNEAGRAM TYPE: Type 3 (The Achiever) MORAL ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Neutral TEMPERAMENT: Choleric ELEMENT: Fire PRIMARY INTELLIGENCE TYPE: Linguistic-Verbal APPROXIMATE IQ: bro iq is fake I’m not figuring it out LMAO. MENTAL CONDITIONS/DISORDERS: Borderline Personality Disorder SOCIABILITY: Very sociable on most days. EMOTIONAL STABILITY: Never Heard of Her OBSESSION(S): Love, perfection, the past... COMPULSION(S): Digs nails into hands? PHOBIA(S): Abandonment and jellyfish. ADDICTION(S): :) DRUG USE: :^) ALCOHOL USE: yes, frequent (against doctor’s orders) PRONE TO VIOLENCE?: Not generally, but has been violent in the past.

MANNERISMS

SPEECH STYLE: Generally elegant and thought out. ACCENT: Alolan, slips into Kalosian when upset. QUIRKS: Drifts off in sentences when thinking? HOBBIES: Chess and various puzzle games. Not much free time. HABITS: Drinks, takes lots of baths, eats a protein bar and coffee every morning at least. NERVOUS TICKS: Avoids eye contact, gets defensive, raises voice. DRIVES/MOTIVATIONS: Helping Pokemon and That’s It. FEARS: Isn’t this phobias again. Anyway. Abandonment and jellyfish. POSITIVE TRAITS: Confident, caring to Pokemon, intelligent, good leader. NEGATIVE TRAITS: Fucking everything else LMAO. Short tempered, impulsive, manipulative, has a horrible victim complex... SENSE OF HUMOR: Non-existent. What’s a joke. DO THEY CURSE OFTEN?: VERY rarely, only using ‘damn’ and ‘hell’ when angry. CATCHPHRASE(S): Does she have one? I don’t know.

FAVORITES

ACTIVITY: not to be nsfw on main but- ANIMAL: Nihilego Clefable or Bewear. BEVERAGE: Vodka. Bonus points if it’s a citrus drink. BOOK: Doesn’t have one, can’t remember the last time she read for pleasure. CELEBRITY: Well. She’s clearly interested in Lysandre. Otherwise she doesn’t care for celebrities.. COLOR: Mantis green. DESIGNER: Elesa...? She doesn’t have much interest in fashion. FOOD: Water chestnuts. FLOWER: Azaleas! GEM: Polished chrysoprase, maybe? HOLIDAY: no. MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: Being chauffeured is easiest. MOVIE: Probably something Notebook-adjacent. MUSICAL ARTIST: ...Bach? She likes classical music. QUOTE/SAYING: ““You’re beautiful,” Replied the fly, to the spider.” SCENERY: Green grass, lots of flowers in a garden, early morning sunrise. SCENT: Mohn’s old cologne. SPORT: Literally Who Cares. SPORTS TEAM: Certainly not Lusamine. TELEVISION SHOW: Nothing specific, but she likes dramas and crime shows. WEATHER: Sunny, around 70F. VACATION DESTINATION: She likes Johto.

ATTITUDES

GREATEST DREAM: ...Seeing Mohn again? Making a difference for Pokemon? GREATEST FEAR: Dying completely and totally alone. MOST AT EASE WHEN: Spending time with a partner. LEAST AT EASE WHEN: Discussing Mohn or Ultra Space. WORST POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD HAPPEN: Being abandoned by someone she trusts when she needs them most. BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT: Creating the largest reservation center in the world. BIGGEST REGRET: Allowing research on Ultra Beasts in the first place. Maybe Mohn would still be here. MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: Being mocked for Ultra Space wasn’t exactly embarrassing but it was extremely shame-inducing and lowkey traumatizing. BIGGEST SECRET: To people that don’t know about it already, what she did in her past, and how deep that goes. TOP PRIORITIES: Helping and loving Pokemon.

#hi i spent like an hour on this LMAOOOO #rm because this is SO LONG #im gonna get food now #ooc;#headcanon;#this will be a helpful point of reference for. myself.#catch me constantly going through my HC tag to make sure i stay consistent LMAO

7 notes · View notes

not-poignant · 3 years

Note

Hey Pia hope you’re doing well

I was wondering, is the thing where Arden picks up a bunch of random hobbies and commitments a part of his ADHD or does it have like a name?

I’m a highschool student and I get told by all my friends and teachers that I have overcommitment issues and part of it’s just for uni and whatever ofc but it’s also that I want to do ALL THESE THINGS

Like I’m in 4 different science competition teams, the school debating team, school orchestra, scholarship classes, editor of my school newsletter, I lead the school amnesty and unicef clubs plus the IB program and being in the national maths Olympiad team lol and I don’t want to let any of these go but it’s so stressful and I’m so tired and ppl say I have to say no to stuff which is also stressful!

Also, doing more is always portrayed as such a great thing and I feel rlly guilty letting stuff go? So I’m just reaching out because you portrayed it in such a refreshing way and I was really curious!

Firstly, massive respect for your ability to fit this ask into the Tumblr ask limits. Seriously :D

Okay secondly, Arden’s habit of picking up a bunch of random hobbies / commitments is part of his ADHD. People with ADHD have this to different degrees, and my beta in particular relates really hard to this habit of Arden’s.

But actually, one of the reasons I put this in is because this is a very bad habit of mine - which is overcommitting, and overworking. And not wanting to let anything go.

People teach you a lot of skills in your life on how to pick things up, but almost no one teaches you what to do when you have many hobbies you love, and they’re hurting you because you’re working too hard and don’t have time for your loved ones (or to even really have loved ones) as an example. And it absolutely is a crucial skill to learn for people who are dealing with this, though capitalists don’t want you to learn it.

In the media what I see is most folks having no hobbies and someone being ‘oh you have to learn some.’ I liked Arden as a contrast to that ‘no, that’s too many things, put some back.’ Where Arden’s ADHD manifests - though it’s much more controlled than it used to be - is that he desires to spend a lot of money on the thing as soon as he gets into it (because he only wants the best of the best - which wasn’t great when he wasn’t earning much money), and that he starts really hooking into it in an obsessive kind of way. Spending a night making bows for your dog is one thing. Then wanting to spend $500 and start an Etsy store small business is like...from one day of work, not great.

A lot of Arden’s life has involved choosing to let go of things he’s loved doing, for his own sanity. This is something I’ve had to do as well and I fucking hate it, and these are the techniques I’ve developed for myself (and my still frankly overcommitted ass, who has people saying ‘when are you going to do LESS’ all the time to my face).

* Remind yourself that dropping some things now doesn’t mean you’re dropping them forever. It doesn’t have to be permanent. Sometimes it’s good to put a time limit on something. ‘I’m going to drop this for four weeks / four months and put a note/reminder in my phone about it right now.’ Chances are high you are not going to be as interested in that thing in four weeks/four months. (Chances are sadly also high you may have replaced it with something else). Like, there will be science groups you can join for the rest of your life. And debate groups. And newsletters.

(That being said, none of those things count towards our grades in Australia? So I don’t know how much these things are counting towards your grades in general and I’m not going to like, touch that side of things - however overcommitment is a super fast way to do a lot of things not that well, or to suddenly get so sick you can’t do any of the things and then feel terrible while you’re sick, more on that later!).

* Time caps on certain hobbies and activities and commitments. This is to actually shoot my habit of hyperfocusing in the foot. I don’t have time to play piano for four hours, but I’m allowed to play it for ten minutes a day (sometimes more but not often). And ten minutes a day adds up over time. I literally sit down and put the timer on my phone. If say there’s something that meets up twice a week but some people only go once, be one of those people!

* Rate the things based on how they contribute to your a) career and b) quality of life and c) happiness. Anything that rates lower on the list compared to the others (that isn’t like, literal money-making work or literal classes) needs to be dropped.

* Dropping things is just actually one of the hardest parts and there’s no real trick to making this easier. I just remind myself: ‘Just because I can do this thing, and do this thing well, doesn’t mean it’s good or healthy for me to do this thing. I need to spend time with people I care about, and I need rest, and those things matter more even if they feel less like ‘accomplishments.’ I want to care for myself through my hobbies, not punish myself.’ That goes some way in keeping perspective, but look, ngl, it sucks to drop commitments if you have an accomplishment/achievement/job satisfaction addiction. It just sucks.

* Accept that you are going to feel guilty, and that guilt is just an emotion, and it doesn’t mean you’ve done something bad. Look sometimes guilt gets it wrong! Sometimes you feel crushingly guilty just for breaking a bad habit, it’s not useful, you just have to kind of be like ‘huh I’m feeling a lot of guilt for trying to look after myself, that’s really interesting, I guess I can understand that but I’m also going to try and praise myself for doing a great job. Just because this isn’t an obvious kind of achievement, I know I achieved something really big and difficult today.’

* Oh yeah, use achievement and ‘job’ type language for doing things that involve successfully taking care of yourself and your energy levels. Just...sometimes you have to ‘if you can’t beat them join them’ - chances are you’ve never been as kind to yourself or proud of yourself for resting and taking it easy and seeing friends, than you are for taking on too many commitments. So...challenge yourself to be kind to yourself and proud of yourself for resting and taking it easy and seeing friends and committing to less. Trust me, you are never going to forget how to overcommit, and you are never going to become lazy or lax because you dropped a few of the (billion) things that you’re committed to. You can afford to praise yourself for this! And generously!

* Seriously, seriously consider seeing doctors or psychologists about this. Despite a TON of PTSD, I actually see my therapist most for working too hard and overcommitting. We spend a lot of time talking about why I might not be the worst person in the world for taking a break. Take it seriously. Your list alone made me feel like I was about to have a panic attack, lmao, your friends and teachers are right, you have overcomittment issues.

* Workaholicism and work addiction is real. There is a growing amount of information about how to deal with it and it’s worth googling.

***

Er anyway that’s what I do. It doesn’t always work. I have a lot of rules in place and I abandon half of them about halfway through the year and then s u f f e r. And have been doing that for over 25 years and I’m going to say bluntly now - it’s why I’m as sick as I am, and some of that sickness is irreversible. If nothing else, if you want to stay as active as you are now, I do not recommend that anyone push themselves so hard that they can no longer even do things that they enjoy on a regular basis, because they’re too physically debilitated to manage it, because they pushed their bodies too hard during the university years and just after. Because that is 100% why I became so sick in the first place.

And even extremely healthy people who have no history of chronic illness often develop something, in conjunction with years and years of working too hard or overcommitting. I’ve seen it happen to far too many of my friends, and you might feel like ‘just another six months’ or ‘just another three years’ but you’d be surprised how quickly you can go from ‘I’m doing it I’m doing it’ to ‘I keep getting migraines all the time doctor how do I fix this so I can go back to working as hard as I was before’ and your doctor being like ‘...yeah this isn’t curable. I’m going to give you some meds, that all come with horrible side effects, and you simply can’t do what you were doing before.’ Game over.

Trust me, that shit catches up with your body always. It might not be now, and I hope frankly it’s never, but overcommitment and workaholicism are the two fastest ways I know to chronic illness and once you get there, you can’t work your way out of it again.

Though god knows I have tried.

#asks and answers #personal #workaholicism #work addiction #like if you start stress grinding your teeth #for years #because you can't sleep well #because you're working too hard #trust me that will be over ten years of absolute misery and agony #as you crack your own teeth #because once you start stress grinding #you never stop #oh one final thing to keep in mind #you have been brainwashed by capitalist rhetoric #to believe that working is the greatest virtue out there #if you don't want to be a capitalist stooge for big business #unpacking overcommitment psychologically #even outside of impulse issues #can be pretty meaningful #but expect to need to do it more than once #because you will get that brainwashing all around you #for the rest of your life #(it's like body shaming sadly it's just everywhere)#some of my friends are going to read this advice and be like #WHY AREN'T YOU DOING IT PIA #tons of sympathy anon it's hard as fuck #seriously anon if you don't want to spend your life with a fucked up body FOREVER #learn some crucial skills now #administrator Gwyn wants this in the queue #Anonymous

29 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #466

“she is the butcher, she wants the air / she hides the scars under her hair”

Who do you think cares the most about you? My mom. What do you do when you’re pissed off? Isolate and cry. Have you ever had unprotected sex? Good luck catchin' me do that. What did your mother study at university? Social work. What was the last thing you took a video of? I have zero idea. What is your least favorite kind of weather? Hot and humid weather can actually fuck off. What was the last housework you did? Does changing my cat's litter count? Have you ever had famous neighbors? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever lived in a small community where everyone knew each other? Nope. Have you ever actually drank warm milk? NO EW EW EW EW EW Do you talk to your pets? If you don't, are you REALLY a pet parent??????? Who is a famous person you could see yourself reading a biography about? He's always said he doesn't want to but I really hope Mark writes an autobiography one day alskdjklafjw;ejr Are there any numbers you dislike for any reason? No. What skill that you have do you make most use of? idk man Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? Nah. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? No. Have you ever ate so much you puked? No. Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? Sometimes/some places yes, other times/places, no. Would you rather eat cookies or brownies? It would probably change with what I'm feeling, but I lean towards a nice center piece brownie. :^) If you’re out late, where are you likely to be? This literally never happens. Do you ever visit your mall’s arcade (if it has one)? Our mall is lame as fuck. It definitely doesn't have one. What’s your absolute favorite topic to discuss? Mark, lmao. What is your least favorite topic to discuss? Politics. Have you ever been confined to a wheelchair? "Confined" seems like a strong word, but a nurse did give me one at the doctor's office when I massively tore a ligament in my foot and could barely walk at all. If you have a job, who’s your closest friend at work? Don't remind me that I don't have a job. Have you told anyone you love them today? Not yet, but I'm sure I will later. Have you ever worked in an office? No, but I guess that's what I'm going to wind up going for once I'm ready to job-hunt again... It feels sad that I'm actually aiming for the cubicle life now just because my interaction with people would be much more limited than with most other jobs. Who does the grocery shopping in your house? My mom. Do you prefer margarine or butter, and why? I don't even know if I'd recognize the taste difference. Have you ever been in serious trouble at work or school? No. Do you have any strange fears or phobias that you’re embarrassed of? That I'm embarrassed of, no. Can you smell anything right now? No. Have you ever tried coconut water? No. Which Asian country would you like to visit the most? Idk. Maybe Japan? How old were your parents when they got engaged? I have no idea. Have you ever done a first aid course? No. If so, would you be prepared to perform CPR if necessary? No. Have you ever ‘done it’ in a hotel room? No. Just the idea grosses me out. Where is your next vacation? Couldn't tell ya, buddy. Which are better black or green olives? I'm not a fan of black olives, and I won't even TRY green ones. They just look so fucking disgusting to me. Does your car have a backup camera? Mom's doesn't. Have either of your parents ever been in trouble with the law? No. Do you have a preferred brand of bottled water? Essentia. Is your skin more oily, dry, or combination? It's a combination depending on the location. Where did you meet your current significant other? High school band. What kind of house do you wish you lived in? One that's in the woods. What was the last compliment you received from an old lady? I don't have a clue. Do you know how to cut hair? Properly, no. Have you ever had a classmate die? I believe maybe once? If you have a song stuck in your head, what is it? I recently discovered "Foxy, Foxy" by Rob Zombie and it's Good Stuff. Do you tend to space out a lot? Very much so. What people have changed your life for the better? My parents, my psychiatrist, a PHP therapist, Sara, debatably Jason... Have you ever had any kind of dangerous addiction? What’s this addiction? Caffeine, I guess. Are your parents still married, divorced, or split up? Like this decision? They're divorced, and while it sucks for your parents to split up, it's a decision that I definitely approve of given all they ever did was fight when I was growing up. Them staying together would've been very destructive. Have you ever heard of Hollywood Undead? Do you like them? Well yeah, and I like a large number of songs to where I'd consider myself a fan. I actually had a shirt in high school. Has anyone ever called you a coward before? Who called you that? I don't believe so. Are you a Jeffree Star fan? Or no? Do you think he’s awesome/dumb? Honestly, yes. Like he's done dumb shit, but has more than sufficiently apologized for it in my opinion and changed his behavior for the better. I also - astonishingly - like his music quite a bit. As well, his work ethic is fucking INCREDIBLE, like extremely admirable. Has your grandmother ever made you anything? Not including cookies. I don't think so. I don't even think she ever liked me. Do you disgust anyone? Did they tell you that? Why is this, anyways? Not that I know of. When was the last time you cried, and why (if you want to share)? I don't remember, actually. Probably just about life. Who was the last person who was rude to you? *shrug* Do you have a relationship with God? lol no, and even if I believed in him, I wouldn't have a remotely decent opinion of that entity. Is weed legal in your state? No. Have you ever thrown up in class? In kindergarten, yes. What is something that you used to be ashamed of, but now you’re not? As a kid, being a girl, I was so embarrassed by liking Pokemon. Now, I am literally wearing an Eeveelutions shirt and went out in public lmao. I couldn't care less about loving them cuties. Have you ever walked outside in below zero weather? No; I've never experienced those temperatures. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Yes, but I was sitting down. I would be WAY too scared of dropping a baby otherwise. Are a ton of your Facebook friends getting married and having kids now? I legitimately think most of my friends on there already have kids and/or are married/engaged. It's triggering sometimes and was a massive motivator for me taking a break from there. What’s something you believe in that most people don’t? So uh, I hope this doesn't sound insensitive given how it just passed, but I 100% believe the U.S. government was to some extent involved in 9/11. There is an incredible amount of evidence when you do the research. Is there anyone who’s dear in your heart who’s going down the wrong path? I worry about one of my good friends quite a bit. She is horribly addicted to pot (like, she admits it) in a state where it's not legal, and I'm concerned she'll face legal repercussions eventually. She also dates an absolute lowlife asshole, but they've been together for a very long time, and I just worry about how that might damage her later down the road. Do you get enough sleep? God, it never feels like it. What’s something you wish you would have known sooner? That college wouldn't work for me. Like, I dropped out of three. I do NOT want to know the debt I'm in. What’s the next big project you plan to start? Idk. Possibly something for Girt's birthday because Mom really pissed me off and doesn't want to spend *any*thing to help me get something for him. Is that bad on my end? Like she pointed out he knows I don't work, but like... come on. He's my bf, one of my greatest friends ever, and you can't spare anything? I really don't know if that's selfish or not; it's just that if I get him nothing, I will feel like ACTUAL garbage. So making something may just be my only option. I just dunno what... Do you think you were cute in your baby pictures? omg yes, idk what happened Do you remember pre-school? A lot of it, yes. My long-term memory is pretty damn amazing. Would you allow your children to date prior to 16? Yes. Does your town have a farmer’s market? I think so? Which app on your phone do you tend to get the most notifications from? Pokemon GO, lol. How old were you when you met your current best friend? Around 11. What is something you gave up on after many failed attempts? Photography is coming real fuckin close. I've been trying to go somewhere with that for YEARS. Would you rather read a book, or listen to the audiobook? Physically read. I think my attention would stray listening to an audiobook. Do you think tomorrow will be a better day than today? It's possible, idk. I had a doctor's appointment today that absolutely slaughtered my mood, so I feel fucking horrific, but Girt is also coming over today, and I'm sure he'll cheer me up. I won't see him tomorrow, so that's a bummer. With which friend are you most likely to share a secret? Sara. What is the last thing you complained about? It's hot as shit outside. Is there a show you swear that you will never watch? 13 Reasons Why. What was the last topic that you ranted about? Anti-vax bullshit. Who is the most sensitive person that you know? Bitch, me. Have you ever had a tooth (or teeth) pulled? No. What did you do last Halloween? Literally nothing on the actual holiday. :/ Fire drills: Did you ever wish they were real… just once? ... To get out of school, yes. :x What was the last thing that you felt strongly about? I am still positively livid about Texas' "heartbeat bill." Fuck that place and fuck that law. What is one insecurity you have about your body? Um, everything???? What is one part of your body that you are proud of? Nothing????

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''foxy foxy'' by rob zombie

1 note · View note

bluebellhairpin · 5 years

Text

Marvel Headcanons - Road Trips

A/N: I’m a horrible person. But at least my procrastination of my asks is being for-filled in a way that still sprouts content. - Nemo

Summary: The Avengers and their S/O go on a road trip. Gods? Mutants? Aliens? with them, what could go wrong?

Masterlist

Loki Laufeyson

Bruh. You go on a road-trip with this guy and you’re gonna really wish you d i d n ‘ t.

Tricks. So many tricks. This guy can’t drive a car, he has nothing to do except play tricks. Look At That Face, no remorse, no mercy. You gotta be strong af to survive a trip like this with Loki.

bUt he does buy you all the food. And all the stuff you like. In mass amounts. (“(y/n), you said you liked this sweet packet stuff right? Ah, good. I brought five boxes so we don’t run out.” ) Like five whole boxes

So what’s it gonna be? Trickery for food? Yay or nay? Yay, definitely yay.

Peter Parker/Spider-Man

You will not sleep. Y’all get too hyped up of junk food and adrenaline to sleep for more then half an hour at a time so POWER NAPS ALL THE WAY THERE AND BACK

He video’s everything. He says it’s to show May and Tony when you get back but we all know the truth. Its so he can get one of those cool old-style videos of you No shame that boy has.

He lets you pick all the music, as long as it’s not AC/DC because he had an experience with Tony that involved ‘Thunderstruck’, hacking and his suits earpieces that lasted a over a week that we s h a l l n o t s p e a k o f e v e r

But overall it’s a really cute trip. So cliche. So romantic. So amazing.

Tony Stark/Iron Man

Loves every second because it’s with you and after everything he’s been through that is all he needs and wants.

He has playlists, cars, hotel reservations, restaurant reservations, food stops, food stashes, sights to see. All these things are ready before you even suggested getting away for a couple days.

Turns into a sappy, flirty mess. It’s almost like the trip turned back time to when you both first met and the only problem he had was making a new missile to sell to some place in Afghanistan.

He’s just so ready for a break, low and behold please give i t t o H i m

Steve Rogers/Captain America

Road-trips with Steve are done on the back of his motorbike and you can fight me on this. Mostly because he likes it when you wrap your arms around his torso so yeah fight me again.

Despite the trip being a road trip you both spend a lot of time at stops and motels instead of on the road. He likes taking things slow, since he hasn’t gotten to do things slowly for over four years after he woke up. He’s very grateful if you let him do this.

He lets you take lots of photo’s of him whether you’re good at it or not doesn't bother him. Even frames one you took of his silhouette because it looks that good to him.

Becomes addicted to cocktails after the second road trip because “they’re so colourful and come in so many flavours, (y/n) have you tried this blue one yet? Look they have one named after me-”

Thor Odinson

He gets so hyped and excited.

He really loves travelling and learning about earth more like you teaching him about earth stuff so he’s so optimistic about the whole trip and that attitude rubs off on you so you end up coming home all happy too.

He brings lollies/sweets/candy with you and lemme say you are bouncing off the walls the whole damn time. One time he got so hyped on sugar he almost summoned lighting.

You take Loki sometimes. He pretends he doesn't like it, but he does. He thought we wouldn’t notice but we did. So Loki ends up being the ‘bored’ third wheel while you and Thor stuff your faces with sour worms, chocolate, and gobstoppers.

Bruce Banner/Hulk

He’s gets so soft, and that makes you soft, and then you come back and your combined softness makes everyone else so very soft.

He worries about Hulk coming out and ruining the trip and the car but you constantly tell him and reassure him that it’s fine and you’ve managed to hone the ability to calm Hulk down when things get out of hand.

Needless to say he relaxes almost completely and w o w you didn’t know he sung that well.

And damn when you come back he’s like a changed man. Shyness? Almost gone. Reluctance to join conversations? Hell N a h. He almost becomes Tony 2.0 but only around you because “No one will believe you (y/n)”

Clint Barton/Hawkeye/Ronin

Clint almost l i v e s for road trips with you. I say almost because he lives for you.

You hunt down carnivals so he can win you all the prizes. The others aren't even surprised when you come back with a carload at stuffed toys anymore.

You also stop at a number of piers and sit at the end with fish and chips and some beer and just talk. Life. The future. The past. That one slice of pizza that tasted better than any others you've ever eaten in your entire lives.

You guys just do so much stuff. And its all so wholesome and pure and s o f t.

Peter Quill/Star Lord

Did someone say road trip? Peter has all the tunes.

So much as touch the radio/speakers without his knowledge and you're preparing yourself to (possibly) walk home. He doesn't care if you're the other side of the country. You will walk.

He's a sucker for staying up and stargazing with you. He'll point out all the planets he's been to, and all the ones he wants to take you to later.

While Stargazing, be prepaid to have him jump up and pull you to him if a 'dancing song' comes on. That can range from the 'Livin La Vida Loca' to 'All of Me’. It's amazing.

Scott Lang/Ant-Man

He's a dad. He knows how to keep others and himself entertained on long trips.

Magic tricks. Snacks. Music. Jokes. Everything and anything you can think of to pass time, he's got it ready and waiting.

Sometimes he takes Cassy with you, and honesty things become more fun (if that's at all possible). Which means, for you, more food, music from your childhood, and embarrassing stories about Scott that Cass had managed to get hold of.

Overall it’s pretty cute going on road trips with Scott, that and it’s never ever boring.

T’Challa/Black Panther

He’s a king, and a very busy one at that. So when you manage to pull him away from his duties he treats you extremely well.

First he takes you to a certain county (Once it was Singapore (that was a very luxurious trip), another time Hawaii, etc), then he gets a hire car and takes you wherever else you’d like go.

Every time, every trip, he finds a Starbucks. He collects the cups and brings them back to Okoye. He does it to spite her. You know it.

He gets much more relaxed on the trips, and always comes back being able to deal with his duties much better.

Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier

Wow okay first off, Bucky loves road trips with you.

He manages to persuade Tony to lean him one of his fancy older cars and takes you along the coast in that. He’s a coast road trip type of guy.

He really loves the beach, the only thing that gets in his way is the sand and salty water getting in the joints of his arm, but he says he can “just take it off, don’t worry darlin’.” so yeah it’s r e a l l y not a problem.

If he can't get a hold of one of Tony’s old cars, he gets an old pickup truck/ute and camps outside on the back with you and watches the stars and has old 30′s/40′s music playing from the radio. It’s pretty cute. Like him.

Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler

Mate. This guy has no idea what he's doing.

Once he tried to bring, like, a whole ass record player because he was worried there’d be nothing to dance along to. Seriously, Kurt, we have a ca r a d i o for that. Precious Baby Boy.

He’s also pretty young, so be prepared to have lots of contraband School food (sour lollies, chips, etc) stashed everywhere in the car. This boy will eat all the junk food he can lay his three-fingered hands on. R E S T R A I N HIM.

He'd probably take every opportunity he can to cuddle you or take you hand in his. He’s not quite used to doing ‘normal’ stuff like this, so the fact he’s doing something like that with you means a lot.

Doctor Stephen Strange

He’s, um. He’s not used to this sort of thing either.

He’s been this arrogant, selfish, self-absorbed neurosurgeon for as long as he can remember. The most social and intimate thing he’s used to doing is ‘faking it’ with some random to make him look good.

BUT, sudeNly with you he kinda turns to a charismatic, sweetheart gentleman that will actually take you wherever you’d like to go. France? Okay. Brazil? Just south a little. China? Food’s great there. Russia? We’ll take ice skating lessons before we go.

He can’t actually leave NYC for long, but he will spend as much time with you on trips away because they help him relax and it’s n i c e.

976 notes · View notes

daveword1 · 3 years

Text

Three years ago I was in a serious wreck that wasn’t my fault. It resulted in three horrible back surgeries that culminated with a 12 level fusion with rods and screws. I’ve been on narcotic pain meds the whole time. I’m finally experiencing exponential improvement. The struggle ahead now is getting off the narcotics.

I’ve been through this a number of times before with over 20 abdominal surgeries over a 37 year span of time. The older I get the harder it is to kick the pills. I’m 100% dependent on them now. I intend to chronicle the journey here.

The first thing it takes is an acceptance that some uncomfortable times lay ahead. Bouts of radical anxiety and insomnia. Mental toughness is called for along with the knowledge it won’t be fatal but there might be times I’ll wish I no longer existed. My goal however is to be free of narcotics within three months. At my age (67) it’s dangerous in Covid times as narcotics impair the immune system.

I’ll be updating this blog religiously and rereading my entries to affirm my commitment. I’m open to any advice or comments along the way.

Installment Two...

I picked up a script for valium yesterday and had my first night in forever without a pain pill. Only had two pain pills this morning instead of usual three. Went five hours before taking last dose of the day of two more at noon. Four a day, down from ten or twelve just a month ago. Picking up steam.

Time for some honesty here. Countless times I’ve feigned agony in order to get my wife (THE KEEPER OF THE PILLS) to hand me up to three early. Had nothing to do with pain but more just to feel centered and normal. This is your ultimate proof you’re snared and completely dependent. This is when you’re lying constantly.

I have an observation I don’t entirely understand. When my consumption of pills was ravenous I was always adamant about getting off them. When out of necessity the amount had to be cut in half I was longing for the previous higher amount. Confused opioid receptors talking to the rest of my brain.

One thing I’m completely mortified by is the way I subtly manipulated a few others into generously sharing their pain pills. I did it by lying that doctors refused to prescribe them to me. I even intimated a few times I was suicidal because of my pain level. Lies lies and more lies. I was solely after the buzz. I’ve heard other people on pain meds awhile say they had no affinity or attraction to them. They complained such things as they kept them sleepy or caused disturbing dreams. They were the people who never finished a script. I’m one of those who gets a switch thrown in my brain immediately that tells me all I need is a steady intake of more more more.

I guess that’s the defining characteristic of an addictive personality. It must be something you’re hard wired for. I find the disease concept of addiction laughable. I’ve only known a few others like me and when we’d get pills from each other we fastidiously kept track of what we were owed back. Loan shark collection tactics weren’t out of the question.

Next installment will have the story of a younger brother who was hopelessly addicted to narcotics and his tragic end.

The Story of Brother Kenny

I had a younger brother once who enlisted in the Army. He developed back issues while stationed in Germany and was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis. He eventually was awarded a full service related disability which payed him $3,300 monthly in the 90’s. Of course he opted not to work.

Back then you could still do a walkin off the street to most doctors offices and leave with a generous narcotic script. Kenny claimed his back condition was unbearably painful even though I read the condition usually only caused mild discomfort. He became a prolific doctor shopper. Eventually you could never see him when he wasn’t fully under the influence of huge narcotic doses.

I visited him one day and found him a blithering idiot. I told him I expected him to be dead within two months. He was visibly shaken. Nearly two months later I found him dead on his kitchen floor in his underwear. After the funeral people came for his body I found three different prescription pain meds from no less than five doctors. I’m convinced addiction runs in families. I, however, in many accumulated years of pain management never once od’d on pain meds. Kenny wasn’t so lucky and left us at age 47.

I took a large quantity of his meds home with me and hid them in my garage. I was very distraught over his death and someone gave me xanax pills which I took too much of. I decided to try and reverse the sedation with cocaine. My son later found me unresponsive and called an ambulance. I’m told I was comatose for three days during which my brother’s funeral had to be delayed. That was my greatest humiliating moral failure I’ve never forgiven myself for. I still believe I deserve a catastrophic event as punishment. I scarred my family and took years to rebuild trust.

Continuation...

It’s six days till next pain management appointment. I’ve managed to sneak and coerce enough extra doses that I’m nursing along at 2 pills a day instead of 7. I know that if I manage to sneak more I’ll be in misery a few days before next refill. I’ll have to visit with the doctor in extreme discomfort it’ll take all I have to hide from him. Somehow that matters little to me. Soon as my wife’s attention is diverted I’ll grab extra pills. It’s what that switch in my brain compels me to do.

I’ve gotten to the point that every aspect of my life seems dependent on having narcotics onboard. Visiting family, playing guitar, picking up groceries, even having grandkids over all require narcotic doses. My life doesn’t feel at all normal without it. I’d rather spend the entire day in bed than to not be able to take pills.

I remember six years ago when we moved onto this rural street with fabulous neighbors. The first street bbq we were invited to I was in withdrawals from morphine. I drank a helluva lot of moonshine to feel comfortable in my skin. My wife had to lead me home. I later had to apologize to the host who laughed it off thankfully.

I eventually attained a few years of complete normalcy I remember well. I played music in public and was comfortable around people I didn’t know well. It was a great time. Then came a cervical fusion surgery and months later lumbar fusion after a car wreck. Back on pills I desperately needed for horrible pain. Back to the switch in my brain being thrown. I’m recovered enough now it’s an abject lie to claim I still need them. I long for the normalcy again.

A goal I have is to not take a handful of pills when I pick up next refill again. I seriously doubt I’ll attain the goal but have ascribed it as a benchmark I’ll have to meet if I’m to be successful getting off this nightmare roller coaster. I’m like a dual personality at war with myself. Neither has the power to overcome the other.

I’m waiting for a delivery of thc gummies a cousin is sending me from Michigan. I’ve used them before and had better pain control with them. I can cut pain meds dosage in half when combined with thc gummies. I intend to try a rapid taper by using thc which I could always stop with no issues. I know I’m gonna have lingering discomfort for awhile. I’ll likely end up getting xanax from my long time primary doctor for the anxiety, insomnia and restless leg that hangs around a week or two. We’ll see how this goes. Pain meds have been in my life too long. The pain from the fusion is at a level I think I can tolerate with mental toughness now. Here’s hoping.

April 22, 2021

Yeah I know... I’ve not written anything in awhile. Short whirlwind of activity. I got my accident settlement money and we bought a bus type motorhome and had a big pool installed. Also had to go out of state for a week for a family member’s funeral. That’s my excuse.

As for the pills... the last quantity prescribed was exactly half the amount of a few months back. I was still down to none by the day before the appointment just like the previous three times. Sneaking pills when my wife’s attention is diverted has become an art form. It’s compulsive behavior that embarrasses me but I seem powerless to overcome. At least the rapid tapering regimen is in full swing and being successfully adhered to. I’ll end this session by reiterating I’m tired of being snared by these fucking pills and look forward to the glorious day they are out of my psyche.

Long overdue update. In rereading this treatise I’ve realized my initial projection of being off pain pills in a few months is in serious jeopardy. The last dosage reduction caused me to hit a wall. The pain levels have increased and I’m walking like a bent over geriatric cripple again. I’m having to realize pills will apparently be in my future for an indeterminate time. That means the lies and stealthy thievery will continue. I so wish I could conquer this compulsion but the fact remains. I can’t feel normal without them, even though after so much time on them the relief is only very minimal.

I can’t stress enough how this is not where I want to be. I long for the time again when these fuckin pills are a distant memory. If not that then I long to take them responsibly. My brain won’t allow that. It isn’t even a choice available to me. The longing to simply cease to exist pops up now and again but thankfully I can’t do that to my family. I’m considering starting a podcast to address these issues. I know millions of people like me exist in this hell. I’m not sure if I could do it other than as an anonymous person. Who the fuck wants the world to know they’re stuck in this void?

#addiction

1 note · View note

printvirgo6 · 3 years

Text

Fast Tan Mt2 Melanotan Sun Tanning Nasal Spray In G72 Cambuslang For ₤ 20 00 Up For Sale.

Melanotan 2 Injection Customer Dies In Tanning Beauty Parlor.

Content

You're Evaluating: Melanotan 2 Injection Kit.

Obtain The Best Sun.

Are Melanin Shots Legal In The Uk?

Is It Safe To Utilize Fake Tans During Pregnancy? Male Discloses He's Addicted To Unlawful Tanning Injections:' I Prefer To Be Dead Than Pale'. The X

Scenic Melanotan Ii Nasal Spray.

The primary use for either medication in the UK ishormone substitute therapyin males, although there are now non-injectable treatments that are extra frequently made use of. Nandrolone decanoate is widely available in human as well as vet medication markets. Structure and also dose might vary by country and also producer, however typically include 25 II mg/ml, 50 mg/ml, 100 mg/ml, or 200 mg/ml of steroid liquified in oil. Mesterolone is notaromatisedby the body, and also is not measurably oestrogenic. An anti-oestrogen is not needed when using this steroid, as the medication is not likely to inducegynaecomastia, water retention, or other oestrogen-related negative effects. Mesterolone is really thought to function as an anti-aromatase in the body, protecting against or reducing the conversion of steroids right into oestrogen. This representative is not advised for ladies for physique-or performance-enhancing purposes because of its strong androgenic nature and also propensity to create virilising negative effects.

Ordinarily this sort of darkening occurs relatively equally across the skin as well as moles/freckles concurrently. What the melanotan peptides do in specific individuals nevertheless is often tend to make moles dim in a non-concurrent way.

Yet If you feel something pain of increasing dosage level, after that keep the same amount. A number of individuals utilize the solution to repair the cracked teeth with innovative modern technologies. Clients with extreme oral issues might see the clinic for even more visits to get to far better results. People can additionally review blog sites that have the current updates about the tools and also procedures of dental services. Experienced physicians treat clients with much treatment and so have made many individuals use as well as appreciate the service from different areas. Technologies used to treat the problems are cutting-edge, which will not cause any pain to the customers. The most crucial reality is that the people need to book for consultation by providing the required details.

Some people that utilize the sulbutiamine clever medicine discover that they have actually been able to decrease their anxiety and clinical depression as a result. The truth is, Japanese scientists are a few of the most effective in the world. In spite of a nation full of interesting and quite peculiar trends and also practices, Japan is a location where many people are able to obtain a college and also make a big difference. One means they have done this is with a certain medication which is called sulbutiamine. If you intend to treat stretch marks that have actually currently created, moisturising can offer your skin a boost.

What is Melanotan used for?

Melanotan-II is given as you can find more information on melanotan.eu's Using Melanotan here. to produce erections in men with ED (erectile dysfunction), tan the skin, and prevent skin cancers caused by sun exposure.

The moles and freckles have a tendency to get darker prior to the skin that surrounds them does. When the surrounding skin darkens in accord with the moles this contrast is not as pronounced as well as the newly dimmed moles do not show up so plainly. I wish to utilize melanotan 11 yet I undergo medicine screening in my work. Are the ingredients legal and also are they allowed to be used in the uk. For a begin, due to the fact that these items are being sold unlawfully, there is no chance of knowing if they are what they say they are, as well as not contaminated by harmful chemicals.

You're Examining: Melanotan 2 Shot Package.

The goal of the therapy is to position the filler below the skin and soft cells around orbitomalar ligament. This lifts the cells, making the tear trough appear shallower. In most people there is a practically instant enhancement with a decrease in the deepness as well as size of the tear trough itself. Regardless of the well-known threats of tanning, some people are going even additionally to obtain tanned skin. The latest as well as harmful trend involves injecting Melanotan. Like every important substance, acquiring pure peptides in the marketplace can be an overwhelming job.

So, many individuals who want an all-natural looking tan without using tanning beds or injections are using them.

So, in spite of not being officially available in lots of countries, obtaining a spray is still reasonably basic and also straightforward as well as not actually illegal either.

This massively cuts down on the quantity of time you would certainly or else need to invest in a tanning bed and lessens the harmful and hazardous UV direct exposure your skin is obtaining while delivering a magnificent and also near-effortless all-around tan.

Marginal UV Exposure- MT2 assists reduce the amount of time you'll need to spend tanning, and hence lowers the sunshine exposure needed to obtain the perfect tan you've constantly wanted.

After several injections and also exposure to the sunlight or a sun-bed to kickstart the procedure, your skin tone is asserted to change from the within out.

Other than their impacts on moles, Melanotan items might have other prospective threats. The most current fads in the tanning craze are two items called Melanotan I as well as Melanotan II. Both are injected into the skin and are readily available online, in some tanning beauty salons and in body-building fitness centers. No matter whether boosting your food craving, sex drive, or tan Melanotan 2 is a treacherous peptide to play with. The good news is the bioavailability of the peptide is definitely lowered when taken orally or transdermally. Theory of consistent losses comes to be bested by health issues when also you're having fun with challenger melanocortin peptides, PT-141 and also Melanotan II most commonly. Sickness followed by gastro issues are soon to comply with dangerous melanotropin company Best activity while application expensive is to unwind as well as take an opponent of histamine, for example, benedryl.

Obtain buy Melanotan Spain .

They supply mole checksand mole removal along with therapy for other skin sores. All appointments and therapies are accomplished in person by doctors that are specifically learnt the most up to date laser and skin surgical treatment strategies as well as are highly experienced in the area. A lot of us want to resemble a tanned star on holiday, but picking a means to achieve this can be tricky. Too much sun exposure can cause dangerous impacts as well as if you have a really reasonable complexion, it can lead to unneeded burning.

Do tanning pills actually work?

Tanning accelerators, such as lotions or pills that contain the amino acid tyrosine or its derivatives, do not work and may be dangerous. Marketers say these products stimulate the body's own tanning process, but most evidence suggests they don't work.

Eau Thermale Avene items all include spring water from the Sainte Odile spring in France. This spa water is rich in goodness that is scientifically shown to be naturally calming, anti-irritant in addition to fighting aging free-radicals. This makes Avene products perfect for all sorts of skin conditions, from dermatitis to eczema as well as much more. If you're seeking a new and also nourishing skin treatment item, after that below at Natura can let you right into a little a secret. We're big fans of Avene-- an one-of-a-kind brand name which includes spa water to all their products, making them ideal for all kinds of skin. One of the major reasons is that these therapies produce vitamin d as well as consequently vitamin d advantages in the skin normally.

Are Melanin Shots Lawful In The Uk?

No reports ofhow much melanotan ought to i take have moved the melanotan conversation network. Deal your melanotan story with others and also aid those with melanocortin obstacles. Microdosing melanotropic peptides are a time checked, yet unknown strategy. Selection in melanocortin structures keep on befuddling analysts. In case there were that magic pill or recipe Old application cost based on body weight made melanotan 2 MT-II was horrible. Peptides have actually been progressively unadulterated per client passion. The delight tablet hypothesis has not and would certainly not happen for MT-2 lamentably.

As a result of their important duty in manufacture of anti-microbial treatments, anti-ageing items, hormonal items as well as other valuable uses, sub-standard items have multiplied the market. Up, we believe that Proven hair is healthy and also thick help you combat the symptoms and signs of aging. Might cause skin signs, such from the resin calcium, magnesium, and also phosphate. While decreasing fat the exact same time, securing secures the drug the building and construction of electronic elements and also devices. Joints has been displayed in initial research studies the nature sequences of amino acids and also can be taken small proteins. Derivatives are an appealing shield the skin from acids to more than 30 deposits, therefore covering the.

Nevertheless, below at Natura we offer stretch mark elimination therapies that can recover an even complexion with a quick as well as almost discomfort cost-free laser procedure. We understand that all skin is various, so we provide a cost-free skin examination for all our clients to review their choices. This is the base of aloe vera gel, which can be made use of on its own or is typically an active ingredient in other skin items. It appropriates for all skin types, as well as can be used by even those with delicate skin.

youtube

By utilizing Avene items at every stage, you can soothe, nourish and cleanse your skin, ensuring your complexion looks spa-fresh whatsoever times. From moistening products to cleansers, toners and also suncare, Avene have a full series of items. You can likewise get thermal water spray for misting, which is optimal for rejuvenating your skin in the summertime in addition to being relaxing for acne and also sunburn.

Other modern brands commonly consist of 2.5 mg, 5 mg, or 10 mg of steroid per tablet. Dianabol is an oralanabolic steroidand the most identified trade name for the medicine methandrostenolone, also described as methandienone in numerous nations.

Searching for some responses, we took to the net to discover why. The London Mole Elimination Centre uses exclusive therapy for removal of moles, skin tags, warts, cysts and various other lesions by proficient doctors as well as doctors. The London Mole Removal Centre is a private firm whose doctors are educated and experienced in determining and also eliminating unwanted moles.

Is It Risk-free To Utilize Fake Tans While Pregnant? Man Exposes He's Addicted To Prohibited Tanning Injections:' I Prefer To Be Dead Than Pale'. The X

Some ladies do favour the medication, nonetheless, as well as find a solitary 25 mg tablet computer sufficient to efficiently move the hormone balance in the body, greatly affecting the appearance of interpretation to the physique. Intake is generally limited to no more than 4 or five weeks in such scenarios to lessen the possibility of creating lasting virilising impacts. Structure and also dosage may vary by country as well as supplier; prep work usually consist of 25 mg or 50 mg of steroid per tablet. Injectable Winstrol is generally suggested at a dosage of one 50 mg injection every 2-3 weeks. Vet stanozolol preparations with a largeparticle sizewill be more slowly spread by the body and also are generally given at 75 mg every 3rd day. Stanozolol is an acquired ofdihydrotestosterone, chemically modified so that the hormonal agent' sanabolic( tissue-building) properties are substantially intensified and itsandrogenicactivity reduced. The original Anavar brand consisted of 2.5 mg of steroid per tablet computer.

We enjoy Avene, especially with its targeting of skin problems that several mainstream items aren't suited for. If you have actually got sensitive skin and struggle to discover products to fit your skin, this innovative French brand name could have a whole lot to supply.

In my most magnificent of dreams, there is a tablet not too away. In the entire world, people are battling a lot more with Kind 2 diabetes. Fruits like apple, avocado, orange, etc will assist to regulate the blood glucose degree. Vitamin-rich fruits will stop the sorts of cancer cells like breast cancer, liver cancer and so on . If you want to get the tan promptly, then the recommended dose level is 0.5 mg, and also you can take them daily.

We dislike spam too natural psychologically labile condition of vascular origin appeared from the marketplace, amongst various other different supplements. This buy N Acetyl Semax Peptide online hormone shortage each peptide as well as structural explanation. During the time, attempts have been made and returns of their products utilized by individuals with cardio issues, BPT-141 straight boosts sexual desire via the buy N Acetyl Semax Peptide online central nerves instead. Feldman took part in a Wake Woodland Institution of Medicine study in 2015 that evaluated using tanning beds as a dermatological therapy for various skin problem.

Beautiful Melanotan Ii Nasal Spray.

Methandrostenolone is a derivative oftestosterone, changed to make sure that the hormone' sandrogenic homes are reduced as well as itsanabolic residential properties preserved. It is one of the most generally used oral anabolic steroid for body and performance enhancing functions. This modification shields the medicine from deactivation by the liver, allowing a really high percentage of the drug entry into the blood stream complying with dental administration. C17-alpha alkylated anabolic/androgenic steroids can be hepatotoxic. It is suggested to go to a medical professional regularly throughout each cycle to check liver function and also total health. Consumption of c17-alpha alkylated steroids is frequently limited to 6-8 weeks, in an initiative to prevent escalating liver stress.

Generally made use of in doses between mg day-to-day (1-2 tablet computers) for no more than 8 weeks; with a minimum of 8 weeks break before recommencing usage. Most people who have heard of piracetam might originate from sources like Dave Asprey or perhaps Tim Ferriss. These figures are promoting the medicine, however so allow media websites like Forbes and also Vice. With https://ita.melanotan.eu/product-category/vial/ in popularity comes a raised demand to get the realities directly. Over 40 years ago scientists found a molecule they called "piracetam", which is frequently considered the initial "nootropic", which created the phrase. Although it has been years ever since, the medication as well as various other analogues like it are still prominent techniques that people make use of to eliminate aging in the brain.

Skincare Patterns That Will Certainly Be Anywhere In 2021, According To A Top Facialist.

Our Melanotan 2 nasal spray will aid raise your body's own melanin manufacturing, providing you a throughout, also looking, deep and all-natural tan. Although you require sunlight, you don't require to stay in the sunlight for extended periods, hence minimizing skin damage triggered by UV radiation. In addition to the tanning benefits, libido can somewhat increase as well as your cravings can somewhat decrease when using our Melanotan 2 nasal tanners. If you are of a fair skin or don't usually create a tan in the sunlight, a tanning nasal spray is an exceptional means for you to obtain an abundant gold tan without excessive sunlight direct exposure. Dark moles and also freckles are dark owing to their melanin material. Anything that triggers melanogenesis is going to darken moles and/or blemishes. Any person who sunbathes to a certain degree is going to discover a dimming of their moles and/or freckles.

#melanotan eu #melanotan europe #melanotan products #melanotan for sale

1 note · View note

summerspn · 4 years

Text

Felicity

Tv series (1998-2002)

Spoilers...

I’ve gradually been watching Felicity for the past few months & have completed watching the series. I gotta say it’s charming & oddly addictive.

At the beginning of the series Felicity (Keri Russell) is an extremely shy & introverted character. She’s adorable. We see her proudly graduating high school but also feeling some trepidation about it. Naturally.

She sees her high school crush, Ben Covington, (Scott Speedman) at their high school graduation & decides to just go & talk to him. She regretted not getting to know him before. So she fixes that. Her yearbook had some sort of printing issue so they gave it to her on graduation day. So she asks Ben to sign her yearbook.

Surprisingly he sits down & writes a very thoughtful message to her. It’s sweet & inspiring. She decides to follow him to New York & she gets into NYU.

In tv land one can get into school in just a couple months - ya know completely ignoring the hundreds of people waitlisted lol That made me chuckle when watching. No big deal though.

Felicity gets to school & realizes Ben was just a nice guy & wasn’t in love with her of course. So she gets a bit of a reality check.

She makes a few friends & lives in the biggest dorm room on the history of planet Earth!

My room in my old dorm was ‘big’ and it had 3 feet of space between the beds...much bigger than my sister’s dorm lol

Felicity is likeable because she’s sweet, smart, shy & confused & just trying to figure her life out. All she knew is she didn’t want med school as her parents kept trying to shove it down her throat.

Ben is a nice guy who struggles with feeling stupid sometimes (though is actually really smart). He struggled with some of his classes & lacks a clear path for his major.

Occasionally Ben has these lines & that message in the yearbook which made me stop & go ‘you’re a writer’. I kept thinking he was going to become a writer...then in season four he decides to be a doctor. Okay...it was an alright decision & I like his academic plot lines in season 4 so no real complaints there.

We meet Noel Crane (Scott Foley)who is super dreamy. He’s smart, nice, outspoken but sensitive. A straight laced student & Resident Advisor (RA) who becomes Felicity’s friend & has a crush on her.

Throughout the series that’s the love triangle. It was interesting but there was far too much emphasis on it. Often it overshadowed the more interesting storylines on the show, IMO.

Noel pines for Felicity & loses sight of his life then soon graduates without a plan then later develops depression. I thought that was a great storyline. Noel’s family history of depression was compelling & how the character described it was very well done.

Back then tv shows didn’t talk about mental illness but this was handled delicately.

Noel gets help & gets better. He gets his life back on track, pursuing his dream of graphic design. There’s a line where he gets teased for liking computers...ya know as only ‘nerds’ like that stuff 😂

Felicity’s roommate Meghan Rotundi (Amanda Foreman) is a bit of a goth/Wicca practitioner. Every other character wear clothes I assume that are from The Gap so Meghan looks very different in her black mesh clothes & dark makeup. Nice contrast but I feel like Meghan’s development was overlooked for the most part of the series. She’s very blunt, unapologetic, sometimes mean...but she also cares for others even though she’ll deny it.

In her romantic life there’s growth but not academically. It’s only in the end of the last season does she realize she wants to pursue psychiatry. I think there were some missed opportunities there.

Though I will say I like that her uptight parents accept her for her quirks & clothing choices.

Sean Blumberg (Greg Grunberg) ...I have mixed feelings about his character. He’s an ambitious inventor & sort-of businessman. He owns a loft where Ben sublets /shares with him. Sean’s nice, caring & excitable. He’s also several years older. Around 5 or 6yrs difference I think.

His age difference was brought up several times, as if it were supposed to be important. In my last year of school I lived with a woman who was 15 years older than me. So what? Not a big deal. I’m not sure why the show kept pointing it out.

The only issue with his age is that at one point he’s 27 and STILL has no steady job. None! He’s all-in with his inventions that make no money & his family isn’t rich so how does that work now? He has a loft in New York with zero income? One episode talked of him owing money but come on, get rid of the loft, downsize then get a job, even if part time. *sigh*.

At the start of the series I liked Sean but then they turned him into a pathetic leech who gets mad & throws tantrums easily. He became incredibly annoying.

When I was near the end of the series I started to think that Sean would actually make a good salesman. Imagine him trying to sell cars, just the right amount of pushy. Though they put an episode in that made him look like a buffoon when making a sales pitch. So I feel like the writers were confused or trying to sabotage his character because he still ends up leeching off his buddy Noel & they end up business partners. 🤷‍♀️

Sean & Meghan date & eventually marry. I thought they were cute together at first but not as long term. I feel like Meghan would murder him due to being sick of his shit.

Elena Tyler (Tangi Miller) becomes a good friend to Felicity. All the ladies care for each other a great deal. Elena is very intelligent & a hard worker. She had a few romances & nearly got married. But I’ll be honest I found her boring. Not sure why. I think the most interesting part of her character was that she chose not to marry her fiancé Tracy. I thought it was a very smart move. And I found her background with her mom interesting but they didn’t do much with that.

Richard Coad starts out as an annoying member of the dorm. He & Noel become friends then later gets befriended by the group. Richard is a neurotic, blunt talking mess. He’s somehow still kinda adorable though does have some rough spots. I really liked him up through season 3. Season 4 he was in much less and then the writers turned him into a racist moron. Even if he had those thoughts I feel like his character would be more subtle & not as rude due to his overly developed sense of self preservation. Plus he’s not stupid, just blunt & a bit disconnected.

He did apologize but still it felt just so...wrong. Out of character even.

In any case I think the writers should have made him a little more like Rob Benedict, the actor who played him. Rob’s loveable.

Javier Quintata (Ian Gomez) is the owner at the coffee shop Dean & Deluca. He’s the boss but becomes very close with everyone, especially Felicity. I really liked him at first. Eventually his personal favours become outlandish & his stories started to make my eyes roll.

He & his devoted husband break up over non-issues. Why? It added nothing to the plot. Javier also wants to pursue acting at NYU. He’s really not good so it came off as a dumb idea & all scenes in acting class become annoying. I feel like the writers didn’t know what to do with him. I’d have preferred if he pursued a different dream- one that made sense. Like maybe all the years working with coffee & pastries inspires him to want to be a chef? 🤷‍♀️

Felicity. Throughout the series she’s shy, gradually getting more of a backbone. She admits to loving art & wants to pursue it. Her parents constantly pull her down , try to talk her out if it, even bully & manipulate her. She is for the most part uncompromising. I loved that! She held her ground & from a person like her, who always kept the peace at the expense of her own happiness, that’s amazing.

We see her grow though she spends far too much time angst-ing over Ben & Noel. Often she seems tortured with very few moments of being free & having fun.

I loved how in season 4 she befriends fellow artist Owen. I feel like that was huge. I loved how they went to galleries together & talked about their art & life. It was refreshing. I love that Felicity’s honours art class was so important to her & everything around that plot.

I hated however, how she always put others first.

So...I have to mention Felicity’s haircut from Season 2. I didn’t find it that bad...but apparently Keri Russell got death threats from it. Complete insanity!

Though I do think as it was 1999 back then, people were more uptight with personal style. If she had dyed her hair pink instead people would have flipped out too.

I do think there were better hair styles to choose from though. I think if she had a cut her hair to chin length & straightened it it could look pretty & still have a big impact. Something like that.

But honestly it’s just hair. I had a horrible haircut one year in university but it grew out on a few months & was fine. No big deal....but I wasn’t on tv so no one cared I guess 🤷‍♀️

In the ‘series finale’ , Felicity abruptly chooses medicine. Why??? That uncompromising love for painting just gone....And back to medicine? I wanted her to be an artist!

Every artist has a day job to support them. Felicity was acting like she was going to starve because she couldn’t sell her paintings.

I wish they found her a day job she really liked to support herself. I wanted her to be all-in.

Or they could find her a middle ground. That internship at the architectural firm, she could have realized she wanted to be an architect or something. Something other than medicine.

I really like though that she chose herself finally. Then Ben follows her to school. That was perfect. I just wished she didn’t want to be a doctor. I feel like that goes against everything she wanted.

Overall a great series. I love how they approach mental health - Felicity’s too. She was getting therapy regularly. It was nice to see. Very healthy.

I like JJ Abrams’ work but I (like everyone else) question the last several episodes. Nonsensical & out of place.

Personally I think the show should have put less emphasis on the romantic relationships & drama & more on self discovery by all characters. That’s more interesting...then sprinkle in a few moments here and there. A few episodes on love etc each season. We didn’t need the constant longing looks & drama of Will they won’t they.

I know I’m in a minority when it comes to such things but I feel the media - tv & movies especially focus WAY too much on the romance.

Then of course people like me who are borderline Asexual (except when it comes to fictional characters lol), I find it exhausting to always be bombarded with romance from all angles. However, if Felicity (and other shows) just used it occasionally & not every single episode I wouldn’t mind.

It’s just hard to care about a show if it just feels like it’s only about relationships and not much about life. But that’s just me.

The storylines that had me intensely interested in this show were:

- Ben’s relationship with his dad

- Ben gaining self confidence & realizing he’s actually smart

- Noel’s graphic designs & career

- Noel’s mental health

- Meghan’s rebellious nature & wanting to see what happens when she gets over the need to rebel (though we didn’t see much of it).

- Felicity’s parents’ attitude - I wanted them to see that they were wrong & admit it to her (though they don’t) 😞

- Wanting to see Richard find something he was really interested in & good at (which never happened)

- Wanting Felicity to have fun! Random silliness or parties...they rarely partied or did weird outings to things like paintball or bowling. College is for doing a million things. I wish tv land would do more if this

- Wanting Felicity to stop making decisions because of her love interests

- Wanting Felicity to go on a summer trip or internship to Europe on her own (never happened)

- Wanting Felicity to choose art (also didn’t happen) & support herself with either a job she simply likes (dog waking, tutoring, retail etc) or something in the art field (art therapy, illustrator etc)

To me these should have been the priorities & add romance occasionally...

But overall the series was good. The acting was really good from everyone. Even minor characters had pretty good actors. So well done!

The actors are great in other projects too. Keri Russell was in The Americans, even the Rise of Skywalker. Never saw them but I heard great things. Personally I really liked her in Austenland, August Rush, Mission Impossible 3 (small but great role), and I LOVED her in the movie Waitress.

Definitely give the actors a watch in other projects, even if you have mixed feelings about them in Felicity. They’re all good.

15 notes · View notes

nosleepstillweak · 4 years

Text

lamp

sorry for the wait! school is finally out and i have weathered through the worst of my writer’s block so do expect regularly-uploaded content going forward! :))

~~~

For someone who has a way of lighting up every room, I feel like I’m left in the dark on a lot of things. Ignorance is bliss, sure, but pure and utter confusion is less than appealing. I would love to ask a few questions to these people, this family. I would love to ask why the man always sips his morning coffee with a frown on his face and dark bags under his eyes. I would love to ask why the woman gingerly tiptoes around the house like a thief and clutches cleaning supplies to her person like a knight would clutch a shield. I would love to ask why the girl always drapes herself in hoodies and scarves, baggy clothing always sagging off her body even in blazing summer weather. Hell, I’d even shoot a question at the cat about lounging purposelessly for hours on top of the television. However, casting doubt is like casting shadow and neither is my job. For all my curiosity, I am still just a lamp.

Still, I wonder about their peculiarities; the man was the first to pique my interest. He’s always the first to come down the stairs every morning and I’ve never seen wearing anything other than crisp business suits and a bad attitude. To my knowledge, a smile has never graced this man’s face: the closest he’s ever gotten was an ill-suppressed grimace when the in-laws came to visit last year. Otherwise, it’s just an irritated scowl only slightly sobered by an abominable amount of caffeine. He storms out of the house every morning as if looking to pick a fight, his empty coffee mug still spitting out hot steam.

By the time he returns late in the evening, the rest of the house is pitch-black. He stumbles around the living room in the dark, discarding his jacket and tie at the front door. I can’t sense much of anything, but I can tell that from his movements that he’s definitely inebriated. The cat startles from the sound of muffled groans and scraping feet. The man usually collapses on the couch for a moment, panting loudly as if the walk from the driveway alone had completely exhausted him. He shudders a belch into the crook of his arm before slowly, slowly rising to his feet and disappearing up the stairs to his room. From there, I wait in the darkness for hours until the cycle repeats. Over and over again, every single day and night.

I know slightly more about the woman. She doesn’t have a full-time job like the man so I often see her cooking and cleaning around the house for much of the day. I’m truly fascinated by how she manages to polish an entire two-story house from top to bottom while barely making any noise. She slinks about almost as gingerly as the cat, humming softly under her breath as she obsessively wipes down every surface once, twice, a third time. It’s as if housekeeping is a drug and she’s an addict: no one can know what she’s doing because she might break down if someone asked her to stop. If I’m to be completely honest, I find her actions to be the most disturbing--the most unpredictable. Every morning, her hands linger over the man’s empty coffee mug. I wonder how he would react if he knew about her secret.

It takes me the longest to learn anything about the girl. She looks a lot like the man, her face constantly strewn in the same scowl. Ironically, most of her day is spent directly in front of me: in between bouts of the woman’s incessant cleaning, the girl will jump onto the living room couch and spend hours tapping at the screen of her phone. Her face always remains taut but her eyes dance across the screen with uninhibited astonishment. It’s actually quite incredible how fixated she is on her electronic device. Accounting for the occasional subconscious outburst or mouthing of song lyrics to her phone, I’ve never actually seen the girl speak to another human being, much less a lamp. I would love to have a conversation with her one day and ask her about her family’s strange way of life. I feel like we’d both learn something that day.

I didn’t realize that there was any true romantic affiliation between the two adults for a long time. I could see almost the entirety of the first floor from my brooding spot but I’ve never seen the two even touch each other. It seems like a given that a man and a woman living in the same house with a young girl would be partners; however, the depth of their relationship isn’t fully revealed to me until, one day, the woman comes downstairs in the morning and just sits all day on the sofa. No cooking, no cleaning. The television is turned on for a distraction, at best. I see the woman’s face but her expression is unreadable. Cast under the glow of the setting sun, her eyes glint with something ferocious.

It’s as if a depraved spirit has been released into the home when the man returns in the evening. He barely has time to toe off his shoes before the woman is screaming directly in his face, shooting from the sofa to the front door in one stride. Her phone is pressed into her hand and she turns the screen towards the man with another shout. Something tenses in his stature; he’s seemingly sober enough to recognize that she’s discovered of his that perhaps should’ve stayed buried. The woman screams again, tears streaming down her face, and throws her phone to the ground. Her fingers circle around a glittering ring on her left hand and she jerkily tears it off. This snaps the man out of his drunken haze, him lurching forward with a yell of his own.

The woman throws herself at her husband. For a moment, I think it’s in retaliation to whatever he said--but then I see their faces press together. The man leans into the kiss like a deprived animal, ringing his hands into the folds of her apron. There’s screeching from the cat as he sprints out of the living room to his intended cat tower. Unlike him, however, I can’t escape the sight of what’s unfolding in front of me. Articles of clothing are flung off in every direction, lacy pantyhose floating through the air to rest on my neck. For once, I’m quite happy to be deaf. From what I can gather of their fervid movements and blissed-out expressions, I’m sure the sounds I would be hearing would be extremely grotesque.

They sleep on the sofa that night. In the morning, the man doesn’t rush out of the house in a suit. Instead, he lays by his wife and holds her to his side as they watch through a marathon of daytime television together. My eyes must betray me at some point because I even see a smile decorate his face. I see the daughter peek her head down from the top of the stairs and inspect the scene in the living room. Her face immediately turns beet-red, hand shooting to her pocket where her phone is undoubtedly located. The cat purrs lazily from its post on the television stand and I just drink in the sight of everything in front of me. The woman’s wedding ring remains discarded on the ground.

For all I’ve witnessed, I still don’t know why the girl wears such baggy clothes; in fact, I’ve yet to see an inch of her skin from the face down. Perhaps it’s just the fashion of the time? However, there are occasions when she invites this one mysterious boy over and he never dresses like that. Furthermore, whenever the two sneakily make their way upstairs, the girl always returns with a new heftier, scarf wrapped around her neck and a small smile across her face. I can’t imagine what horrible offense would incite such self-torturous behavior. What a strange family that decided to adopt me into their household. Now I think I can understand why the cat wastes its entire life away slouching around like an oaf: perhaps ignorance truly is bliss.

6 notes · View notes

caitlynlynch · 4 years

Photo

Although this is a sweet inspirational romance, I’m not sure it’s suitable for the younger reader, as there are some fairly heavy themes in here too, including (past) spousal abuse and (on-page) recovery from addiction, to both gambling and alcohol, with withdrawal sickness thoroughly detailed. Please be aware of these possible triggers if you choose to read.

With an ugly marriage in her past, Lady Sabrina masquerades as Lord Damian, who offers a conditional salvation to young men of the Ton who’ve fallen too far. Harry is one such; he’s gambled and drunk his way to the depths of London’s underbelly and is now utterly desperate, in hiding from one of the capital’s more ruthless moneylenders. Lord Damian’s offer is a lifeline he dimly recognises he doesn’t deserve, but before he can take it up, he’s caught and beaten to within an inch of his life.

Rescued by Lady Sabrina, he’s nursed back to health in her household. There’s an age gap of five years between them (she is the elder) and he quickly finds himself looking up to her as a model citizen, the kind of person he wants to be. But not before going through the absolute misery of withdrawal from severe alcohol addiction, while trapped in bed with a broken leg.

There’s one thing that really struck me as strange about the premise of this story from the beginning, and that is; why would a formerly abused wife, now an independently wealthy widow in charge of her own finances and her destiny, direct her charitable efforts towards men? Men who have got into trouble that’s entirely their own fault, wasting every opportunity they’ve been given and generally behaving horribly? Why wouldn’t she want to help women, battered wives and children, orphans, the poor, war veterans, and any number of people who are infinitely more deserving of charity? It honestly made no logical sense to me. She left her maid’s mother in a workhouse when the woman was dying! I honestly hated Sabrina a little bit when I realised that. For the amount she used to pay off Harry’s debts, she could have helped dozens, maybe hundreds, to find a better life. Considering her background, her choice of who to help made absolutely no sense. Maybe if she’d had a brother sucked in and victimised I might have bought into it, but she was the illegitimate daughter of a nobleman. Helping former mistresses and other by-blows would have made much more sense.

Sabrina is automatically a sympathetic figure because we first meet her at a low point, but honestly, as the story went on I found myself liking her less and less. She was self-righteous and judgemental, not to mention extremely elitist in who she chose to aid. And Harry, after making a brief appearance as a sweet young man early on, then shows as a self-centred, spoiled pig. He at least manages to improve once he sobers up, but it’s basically because he’s been ‘scared straight’. He still spends plenty of time trying to figure out how to carry on exactly as he has been, careless of who might be affected. I just didn’t really like either of them, and with Sabrina’s illogical and misguided choices for her charitable endeavours, the whole book really didn’t hit any good notes for me. I can’t give it more than two stars.

Rakes and Roses is available now.

Disclaimer: I received a review copy of this title via NetGalley.

#2 star review #regency romance #older woman younger man #tw: spousal abuse #tw: addiction

3 notes · View notes

cmncisspnandmore · 5 years

Text

Don’t Let Me Go

Hello my lovely readers! This is a fic i wanted to write because i have been feeling kind of down in the dumps lately and I wanted some Fluffy Reid to make me feel better. Not that my Fiance cant cheer me up but sometimes you just need to feel a little love from the guys you’ll never get ya know? Anyways this is a new series, i’m not sure how many parts this will be but enjoy!

Pairing: Spencer Reid X Reader Warnings: Anorexia, eating disorders, depression, drug use, mentions of past character death, extreme fluff? is that a warning?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

27 hours.

It had been 27 hours since you took the last bite of food. All that had passed your lips in the past 27 hours was black coffee and water.

Pulling open the door to the conference room, your team turn to look at you. Each member giving you a smile, and Dr. Spencer reid pulled the chair next to him out slightly, a steaming paper cup set in front of it.

“Alrighty my pretties. We got two women, one a Sandra Morey, 35, divorcee. Two kids that live with their father Henry Morey. And we have Aubrey Willison, also 35, has two kids that live with their dad a Mr. Ralph Willison. Both women were found in their homes with a single gunshot wound to the chest, that pierced their heart. Both ex husbands have been ruled out as suspects, and the icing on our lovely murder cake is that they were killed within 3 days of each other.” Garcia clicks through the slideshow of the victims.

The team listens intently, but your food deprived mind starts to drift, and you find yourself staring blankly down at the paper cup in front of you. There were 2 calories in black coffee. 1 in espresso, over the past day you had consumed 23 calories. 10 cups of piping hot coffee and an espresso that you grabbed on your way here. The barista gave you a weird look when you ordered a single shot of espresso, nothing else. No cream, no sugar, normally people ordered a latte, or a cappuccino. But not you. There were far too many calories, you didn’t even enjoy the taste of black coffee, it was far too bitter and left a gross taste in your mouth. But the feeling of the hot liquid sliding down your throat warming your permanently cold chest, was euphoric. You savored the way it felt in your empty stomach.

“Y/n, are you cold? You’re shivering..” Reid’s hand on your arm startled you, and you gave him a shy smile.

“Sorry, I should’ve grabbed a sweater before coming in I guess,”

“Here use mine.”

You watch as Reid shrugs off his brown cardigan and wraps it around your thin shoulders. You were surprised it fit. You felt like a elephant, your wrists were too thick, your thighs touched and your ribs didn’t stick out when you laid down. Your collarbones were hidden under puffy, mushy fat that clung to you like glue. You hated the way your stomach protrudes when you sit down. You can’t stand when people brush by you in small spaces, people should be able to effortlessly slip by you. If they couldn’t, then you were thin enough.

“Thank you, Reid. I appreciate it.” You smile lightly, a small blush creeping up your cheeks. Across the table Morgan watched as the Dr. smiled back, his hand lingering on your shoulder just a moment too long. Morgan smiled to himself, he had an inkling that the genius liked you as more than a friend. You had been the saviour for the doctors self destruction when he fell to the cold hand of Dilaudid. You had been fairly new to the team when Reid was kidnapped, and you didn't hesitate to hold Reids hand as he was carried away on the stretcher, and you actually got into a verbal argument with Hotch, when he told you to leave for the night to go home. You stuck by his bedside the entire night, and when he was discharged you even insisted you sleep at his house until his wounds healed.

Spencer at the time wasn't aware that you had known what it was like to be completely alone when fighting something you couldn't control. You knew that the Unsub had drugged Reid, you had found the vials, when Reid was suddenly acting strange a few months after the incident. When he had been cleared for the field again, and you picked up on it instantly. You had made it your personal mission to help him with this.

As you helped Reid get over his addiction to the harsh drug that had been forced upon him, your friendship grew, and for Spencer it grew into more than that. When Maeve died you were right there for him as well. You spent nights sitting outside his apartment door, reading him lines from his favorite books. You brought him coffee and just listened to him cry. You were the equivalent to a guardian angel for Spencer.

You had helped Spencer more than anyone could have imagined, and in return the kind, awkward Doctor had started to bring you coffee, and you would spend nights at his place and listen to his read his favorite books. You would often gift books to each other, share random facts you found interesting with one another. It was the small things that made Spencer fall for you, the way your nose crinkled when you found out what the names of the Unsubs. How you had to make sure that everyone got home safe after a case, and how you bought Garcia endless colorful pens for her office.

“Wheels up in 20” Hotch, grabs the file from the table in front of you and you jump. Your brain felt foggy, and logically you knew you needed to eat something if you were going on a case, but the calories you burned when you fasted for this long. When you fasted for this long, you desired to feel light and airy. Like nothing in the world could weigh you down.

“Y/N, are you okay? You’re awfully jumpy, and you barely drank any of your coffee..” Reid stood up, his brow knitted together in worry. Reid may be a profiler, but so were you, you knew what he was looking for, a tell, a sign that you werent okay. You hated that you had to lie to him, and to the team but if they knew what was happening with you they would call for you to have a evaluation and that would get you taken from the field.

You could handle this, only 15 pounds left, then you would finally be where you needed to be. Reid and the team, they would think you looked amazing. Morgan would be able to lift you up when he gave you a hug after a hard case. And Reid, he would be able to lift you off his lap when you fell asleep as he ran his long fingers through your hair, as he read to you. You would be able to ask for a smaller size of your vest because the bigger ones the rest of the team wore would restrict your movement. You would be able to wear spencers cardigans and have them hang to your knees, your slim legs would look great in them and you wouldn't feel like an elephant anymore. All you had to do was fast for another day or so and then you could allow the 300 calories you felt would be acceptable.

“I’m fine, Spence. I promise, just tired, I had a hard time sleeping last night.” You smile up at him and he holds out his hand for you, you greatly take it and wrap your thin fingers around his, and allow the tall Dr. to assist you in standing.

You walk with the rest of the team to the jet, everyone wearing light sweaters in the warm breeze, while you wrapped your down jacket around you a little tighter, the wind forcing violent shiver through you. You stood next to Spencer and JJ, waiting for the stairs of the jet to fold down. You couldn’t wait to sit in the last booth across from the Dr. as he read another book that you picked up from him on your way in to work this morning. You always picked the longest books you could find when buying books for Reid. His eidetic memory making reading books a short task for him, but he humored you often and tried to slow his reading so you wouldn't feel bad for taking a while longer to read the selections he picked for you.

You put your go bag in the compartment above the bench you claimed as your own, and sat on the bench, as Spencer sits across from you. “Oh Spencey. I got you this.” You reach into your purse a hand him the book, and he gives you a smile.

“Thanks Y/N, I’m sure im going to enjoy it. I always do,” He takes the book and tucks in under his arm and shrugs off his messenger bag. Placing it on his seat, he walks over to the cabinet on the back of jet and grabs a water for himself and brings you one.

“Here, i know your ears pop when you take off.” He hands you the bottle his fingers brushing against yours, and it takes everything in Spencer to not pull back from your alarmingly cold hand. Spencer had noticed over the past few months how you had dropped a few pounds, and at first it wasn't alarming, with the amount of cases increasing all of your diets had suffered. But when things had evened out and you were still dropping weight. And now that the last 6 times you had crashed at Reid’s apartment you refused dinner and the following morning breakfast, settling for a cup of black coffee on both occasions.

He had also noticed how you stopped carrying a lunch bag with you when the team was at the office, and had often opted for a protein bar you had in your purse. And now with the zoning out during meetings and the way your cheeks sunk in just a hint further than normal Reid was concerned. He had always thought of you as beautiful and he fell for you despite your looks. Your caring personality and your willingness to help a person who you only knew for a few days when Spencer was going through the aftermath of being held captive by Tobias.

He had fallen in love with you for everything about you, not just your looks. Spencer had hoped to talk to you about it this weekend but with the case he was afraid that he wouldn't make it in time. That something would go horribly wrong before he got the chance to confront you and help you with whatever you were going through. Like you had done for him twice before, Spencer took the book from the seat and sat down resting one arm on the armrest and flipped to the front page of the book, eyes scanning across the page, he got lost in the authors writing for a few minutes before movement across from him caught his eye.

He glanced up from the book and watched as you laid your head down on the seat, pulling two of the blankets provided over you, still in your down coat, and closed your eyes. Spencer watched for a few moments as you drifted off, shivering slightly in your sleep. Spencer had read a few books about eating disorders as a kid, when his mom first got really sick, he thought she might have one and read up on it to try and help her. But when he figured out his mother had Schizophrenia he stopped reading up on the topic.

But he recognized the signs in you as slept across from him on the plane. He knew it wasn't his job to save you but at the same time he felt like he needed to be the one to save you because he knew that in your mind your mind you were saving yourself, but in trying to save yourself you were killing yourself. When Reid had been on drugs you were the one to reach into his life and help him. Now it was his turn, he just needed to figure out how, he knew that this case would probably take up most of your time, seeing as you were a dedicated agent. When there was a case you threw yourself into it. He wouldn't be able to talk some sense into you over this case, he would either have to pull you away from the case or wait until after it was over.

His one hope was that it wouldn't be too late for you by the time the case was over. He could tell by the way you moved and how after you stood up you took a few moments too long to start walking that you were walking a dangerous line right now. You bumped into the table on the way out of the office, and now as Spencer watched you sleep he could see a bruise forming on your forearm. You barely bumped into the table but a bruise forming like that was a sure sign of later stages of anorexia.

Spencer fearing someone was watching his contemplative stare would try to figure out what he was looking at you for and draw attention to it. Something he knew could cause you go into a downward spiral, being publicly called out about this could damage you. Something Reid didn't want to happen, for he already thought you were just a little too fragile.

193 notes · View notes

llghtcr · 5 years

Text

heya! it’s dean and you can tell this thing was made out of boredom because it was totally unnecessary, but i am bored during my lunch break so —

i hope you enjoy reading this??? intro???

basics:

full name: terrence jayden (but goes by river terrence jayden since she was bitten — prefers river over terrence) nicknames: river, jade (only aleks is allowed to call her this if he ever does.) title: beta age: thirty five birthday: august 4, 1962 birthplace: twin falls, idaho hometown: twin falls, idaho current location: arcane falls, oregon nationality: american ethnicity: caucasian sexuality: bisexual homoromantic languages: english — lycan?

appearance:

hair color: dirty blonde eye color: blue complexion: pale in an eternal state of muddy height: 5'10" tattoos: none piercings: earlobes, left helix scars: quite a lot all over her back, some on her legs and her hands — mostly from hunting, some of them from having to fight off idiots.

personality:

positive traits: mischievous, occasionally generous, extremely loyal negative traits: impatient, cynical, lazy mbti: istp-t, the virtuoso moral alignment: lawful neutral zodiac sign: leo sun, virgo moon

family:

father: terry jayden, deceased, forgotten alpha: bishop aleksander king, recognized father, no one else. mother: never knew siblings: none pets: black and brown yorkie puppy other significant relatives: none

health & medical:

allergies: no significant allergies (no one’s supposed to know, anyway.) smokes: no drinks: yes drugs: no eating habits: horrible eating habits. doesn’t eat breakfast, but consumes an unhealthy amount of cold coffee. we’re talking 3 glasses of cold coffee at her favorite coffee shop. she eats a heavy meal during lunch and a light meal for dinner. exercise habits: she always goes for a run at least two hours a day (mostly after lunch or after dinner) and is a regular visitor of the local gym. prefers to workout with her alpha, though.

misc:

theme song: woman - karen o, danger mouse favorite animal: dogs and horses favorite shows: none favorite movies: the lost world: jurassic park music taste: never tells anybody (except aleks) but she loves herself a night of silence with the beatles’ tape playing in the background.

bits and pieces:

she was born to a set of drug addicts, conceived while a pair of heads were high up in the clouds, and was born to a dying mother and a confused father.

needless to say, all terry did right was, at least, give terrence a name.

but as she grew up, nothing else was taken into consideration. no education for her. no health benefits for her. no insurance. no nothing. she was just there on his couch, dressed precariously in his shirt and the cheapest diaper he could find in the store.

it was only a matter of time before someone called social workers about the matter. terrence was taken away from terry at ten months old and proceeds to live in the system ‘til she was eighteen.

eighteen and free, in the most unfortunate way, terrence didn’t have much with her, so she did what she knew best — steal and run.

her long legs aided her just long enough to keep her out of the police’s radar, but one, wrong turn was enough to change her life forever. in more ways than one.

she met aleksander one night and never left his side ever again. aside from owing him her life, terrence found herself treating him like the father she never knew and never had, and because of this, her loyalty lied in him and only him. she took to calling herself river, because she was near one when she first shifted, and never stopped since then.

nowadays, river spends her days making a mess of herself — literally. she’s always in the state of muddy because she works at someone’s stable some distance away from the town. she only smells normal (like a werewolf) after a thorough wash or during her day offs, because you’ll always find her smelling like horseshit.

she likes it, though. so. hides her state of lycan-ness.

#inferisintro #( && intro. )

10 notes · View notes

mystokinetic · 4 years

Photo

☆ﾟ*・ﾟWoah is that Alder Forde ? I’ve heard they’re a fae working here as a History of the Fae professor. they came here because or a rather unfortunately misunderstand with a Nephilum and they’ve been working here for 8 years. As a 209 / 28 year-old, I’m sure they’re skilled. Someone told me they’re dramatic and scattered but i think they’re optimistic and earnest. I can’t help but think of cell phones that never work right, laughing at their own jokes when nobody else gets it, and drinking spiked coffee outside in the morning rain when I look at them.

Alder is either very important in Avalon, or exceedingly not so and it all depends on who you ask about the matter. It's his family, really, that makes the difference. The only child of a trio who have so far not really discussed which of his mothers happens to be the biological one, and that is rather important since one of them is quite the well respected warrior and heroic figure so far as Nephilim go and the other is more the healer, homebody sort without much sway in the history of things. His father was never much extraordinary either way, aside from to Alder since he is his father.

Plenty have tried to sort out which he is; simply a typical Fae with no more expectations for greatness than continuing to run the little bookstore and shop for arcane objects that his family owns or the powerful warrior just waiting for the moment to step into his power and take back up the mantle of his mother's purpose. Since none of the trio really think it all too important when it comes to their son's life it's an ongoing debate by outsiders but nothing Alder has ever worried much over because he loves all three of his parents and life growing up was rather comfortable.

It was too comfortable actually, since Alder developed a habit of never wanting to leave the pleasant confines of home or the shop, happy to spend all his time digging through shelves and losing himself in the texts. Which really didn't suit his parents at all, the trio having had their own days of exploration out in the world they certainly didn't want their offspring to deny himself such things.

They had to nearly shove him out the door shortly after his one hundred and thirty-sixth year because, honestly, it was well past time. There was all of Avalon to explore and of course the places where other races existed as well. But for someone like Alder, far more settled with his books and the company of people who didn't really mind his endless chattering it seemed very daunting a task. He failed to see what could be better than what he already knew he could gain by simply sticking close to home. There was obvious potential in his sharp intellect, he was adaptive, they assumed he would fair well enough.

Unfortunately there was less potential when it came to his actual social skills. He knew perfectly well about the politics and the manners of the higher classes, but applying that to himself was complicated. He had grown up under simple terms and some of the arguments of power and purpose outright perplexed him as to why they even mattered. Avalon was lovely, yes, but perhaps not the best place for him if everyone was holding their breath waiting to see what his linage would show.

So off to the morals it was.

They were far more interesting, such delightfully strange creatures, and Alder fell in love with their world and their ways. Simply living such short lives with such furious determination was exciting, their almost alien intensity in emotions was deeply endearing. It wasn't all great, no, a few times during his wandering through human history he saw the ugliness, the pain, and the brutality. There was always a better day though, waiting it out long enough, and that was the best thing about the realm outside of his own home; so much change and so many possibilities. He learned, he roamed, he had a wonderful time all in all. Alder had ever intention of sticking around even longer but he had a real talent for bad situations and even worse luck. If that could have been a magical power he had it in excess.

A little mistake, the wrong person upset by his actions, and suddenly he was in far more trouble than he could talk his way out of. It didn't seem like things were going well for him at all, the threat of his freedom being revoked and the possibility of being banished to some loathsome dark corner of Avalon hanging over him Alder wasn't sure how to unravel the mess.

Well, he had one idea, actually.

Cain wasn't altogether thrilled with the prospects of allowing the Fae to join his staff, there was far too much unpredictable to Alder's very nature but at the same time there was something very useful about his insight and the knowledge that seemed to come so easily to him. It really was uncanny how he knew so much, how much work he put into expanding that knowledge; because honestly at that point his freedom hinged on being useful enough. It's not an arrangement many care for, his grasp of a history he was not there for more than a tiny fraction of is obviously laughable and while most wouldn't question Cain they question Alder plenty.

It doesn't matter though, fear is a great motivator and going back home really isn't in the cards any time soon if he has any say in it.

[Headcanons]

Alder is one of those far too bright and personable sorts, friendly to a fault and with the sort of eagerness that better suits a puppy than a person. His students tend to like him, though a few of them do try to test his good nature, and he enjoys very much being around them. Of course the awkward part is in that some of those students are closer to his own age than they are other staff members but that hardly matters, right?

Now the other staff tends to have varied opinions about how well he can do his job, especially since he is a bit distracted often, but Alder shoulders it with some humor.

Speaking of humor, he likes to think himself reasonably funny. Not always the case, but he thinks so. There is something infectious about the effort though, he simply cannot stand to see people weary and there is apparently very few extremes he doesn't go to in order to cheer up the dreary sorts.

Entirely unknown to him, because he doesn’t really care to know the truth, he is from a very impressive linage of warrior’s blood. His biological mother has earned a great deal of praise and respect for her role in history as a fighter and something of a captain in matters of war and Nephilim affairs. Alder doesn’t have much want to fight but the instincts are there, underused so far but that might have to chance in the future, if he can ever stomach the idea of fighting.

As one would imagine, given his friendly outlook, Alder likes people very much. Maybe more than that he adores them, in no singular sense either. He was raised with a triad family and is himself polyamorous. He's had his share of lovers and friends with a physical connection, he values every one of them for what they brought into his life and how uniquely they influenced his life. Sometimes it gets a bit complicated, yes, but he has a difficult time thinking people aren't worth it. He tries to avoid such things with students of course, generally, because really he wants to stay as much under the radar as possible when it comes to Cain.

Sexuality is quite the open book with him, he certainly doesn’t limit himself to ideas of gender being a necessity for attraction, and while he is very respectful of the feelings involved he does have a very casual personal life. He’d an adventurous type, not really much in the way of dominating but he’s perfectly happy to see where things lead, flexible about such things even though his preference isn’t towards having to be the dominate one with men or women either way. He is rather flexible to suggestion of course and a bit addicted to new ideas so he does enjoy testing the waters so long as there’s not a danger of physical or emotional harm to anyone involved.

Alder is entirely indulgent. Maybe it's part of his Fae genetics, or his time roaming the human realms, but he enjoys his vices very much. Anything with appeal, drinking, food, really good books and movies, even the occasional experimenting with drugs; life used to be overwhelming when he was forced to step out into it but since those days Alder has learned just how wonderful it all is.

Though to a point he is bold but not overly brave. Emotional is a good word for it, his moods are scattered and vivid. Which makes the bad moments very bad, his lowers are a bit intense as well but he usually snaps out it pretty quickly. The problem comes in not being sure where to draw his own lines, throw himself into chaos for a purpose or follow logic and realize the dangers around him. It's never an even scale, or an easy one to navigate.

Phones hate Alder. He has yet to own one that hasn't died a horrible death in some random way, shorted out or just exploded. It's practically a talent and if people are smart they know not to lend him their phones either because it takes him five minutes flat to destroy one without even meaning to.

Fae are graceful and ethereal but Alder is a little less so. He's bound to trip over something during the course of the day, if not a slew of things, because he's not great at paying attention to what he's doing. He's clumsy, he has accepted this, is aware of it and has comes to terms with his lack of all that lofty, magical grace that most of his race seem to have in excess.

Alder knows several languages, mostly because of his infatuation with books. He does actually have an impressive amount of knowledge but since leaving Avalon he's grown fond of human subjects as well. He enjoys a good text detailing the Fae Court affairs of the last century just as much as he's thrilled to get his hands on the newest edition of whatever human literature is on the best seller charts. Because of this he has stacks and stacks of books, comics and magazines around where he lives. It's a bit hard to navigate, actually, he understands his organization system but nobody else stands a chance of making sense of it.

Along with his books and such Alder keeps plants, so many plants. Again, his Fae nature shows through and he is constantly rescuing plants around the campus that are abandoned or dying, whisking them away to home and helping them recover. He's very attached to them, often chats with them and reads to them as though they were his kids.

#elysium:intro #intro [alder]

1 note · View note