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spooky-holtz · 4 months

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I Put a Spell on You

Melissa Schemmenti x fem!reader

Genre: fluff (crack if you squint)

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: This is the first part in a little series that explores the mug from 'Delicate'. I really wanted to share some little ideas I had about the images that would be on it so stay tuned for some more parts bc I'm already writing them :)

Feedback is very much appreciated!

When the topic of Halloween costumes came up in conversation in the teachers’ lounge during a crisp morning at the beginning of October, you couldn’t help but join in with tales of your own previous looks. The good, the bad, and the ugly are all shared amongst the group when Jacob brings up his outfit from the year prior; one half of a matching Mario and Luigi costume with Zac.

“You know, I’ve never actually done a couples costume,” you say to nobody in particular, thinking out loud as you stir sugar into your coffee in an effort to make it a little less bland. The conversation stops immediately, and every head turns to look at where you lean with your back against the counter, cradling your steaming mug.

“Wait, what?!” Janine exclaims, her wide eyes only adding to her outrage. “Never? In your entire life?”

“I guess, yeah,” you shrug, clearly uncomfortable with the attention. If you had known that every pair of eyes would be focused on your quickly reddening cheeks, you would never have opened your mouth. “I’ve just never been with anyone who was interested in that sort of stuff.”

The silence in the room is tense. The fact that this group is so shocked at your little revelation is worrying to say the least but at least it shows they care, albeit about the wrong things.

“Have you at least done a group costume with your friends?” Asks Jacob, his expression of concern and disbelief matching Janine’s comically wide eyes. You pause for a moment, looking up at a stain on the ceiling in a bid to avoid all eye contact as you recall various high school and college parties. Not once can you remember organizing a group costume.

“Uhhh, nope. I’ve never done it,” you say, feeling brave enough to look back down and at the table directly in front of you. Barbara has turned in her seat to join the conversation, watching the two sides of the room like a tennis match. She’s clearly not as bothered as the rest of the room but happy to be involved, nonetheless. Your gaze shifts to Melissa who is looking over the rim of her cat-eye glasses at you, eyebrows furrowed, and lips pursed slightly in thought. The intensity of her stare makes you feel more uneasy than the rest of the room combined. You shuffle your feet and pull your eyes away from hers when Janine chirps up again.

“I actually can’t believe it. I thought you would have been really into all that.”

“Who says I’m not,” you shoot back. “I just didn’t have anybody that was willing to make themselves look like an idiot with me.”

All through college you would have killed to enter a party, no matter how shitty the frat house venue was, with the Barbie to your Ken or the Buzz to your Woody on your arm. The memories of entering parties with your friends in ‘sexy cat’ costumes, trailing at the back dressed in a bright white Padme Amidala getup makes you chuckle.

“Actually, the parties kinda remind me of that scene from Mean Girls, you know?” Most of the group chuckles along and nods in recognition, with only Barbara looking slightly confused. “I guess it was just never meant to be.”

You push yourself off the counter and move toward the closest table. Pulling a chair out next to Barbara, you can’t help but feel a certain redhead’s gaze boring into the side of your head.

“I say we change that,” she remarks, her first addition to the entire discussion. “I’ve already got my costume, and it’s pretty hot if I do say so myself, but we can easily make it a couples thing for ya.”

Barb turns to you, shockingly overjoyed at the idea. Considering she didn’t get involved with Halloween, her enthusiasm at the prospect is unmatched.

“Now wouldn’t that be lovely?” She gasps, looking between the two of you with an almost knowing glint in her eye. You think for a moment, looking over to meet green eyes and seeing them scrunched slightly as she smirks back at you, knowing that having Barbara on her side ultimately means you lose.

“That’s really nice of you Mel, but we’re not a couple. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable with whatever talk will happen from certain people,” you almost whisper, trying to keep prying eyes of your co-workers that crane their necks to look over her shoulder from hearing. One sharp look over her shoulder has them quickly backing down, instantly focusing their attention on the suddenly interesting paperwork that sits in front of each of them. Satisfied, Melissa continues.

“Hun, you really think that bothers me?” She says with a raised eyebrow, leaning forward onto the table, the grading she was doing completely forgotten about. “Please, I’ve had much worse said about me. Besides, having you by my side will only make my costume look better.”

She punctuates her last statement with another wink and you feel your cheeks heat again, turning a violent shade of red.

In the last year you’ve spent at Abbott you’ve grown to learn a lot about Melissa’s ‘persuasive’ personality and admittedly had fallen head over heels for her. Who wouldn’t? You’re pretty sure Barbara has caught on to your lovesick puppy act, thankfully leaving the topic alone in conversation. Instead, you get knowing glances from the older woman anytime she catches you and Melissa giggling like school children over a joke in the hallways, or when the redhead makes your coffee just how you like it in the mornings, leaving the steaming brew waiting in front of your seat for your arrival.

You mull her proposition over, staring into your cooling mug of coffee that sits between your hands on the table. She leans back in her chair, arms folded, and eyebrow raised again as she stares you down. She knows she’s won.

“Okay, why not?” You sigh, looking up again to meet her gaze. She grins and claps, the laugh lines around her eyes accentuating the wideness of her smile. If you had known agreeing would have made her this happy, there would have been absolutely no hesitation. Seeing her pearly white smile is the highlight of most days for you, the sight instantly improving any bad days you may have. This is no exception.

In hindsight you probably should have discussed the details of your costume before blindly agreeing to Melissa’s proposal, but there’s no way you could ever turn her down. This idea doesn’t come to you until the morning of Halloween however, as you stand in the hallway outside your classroom trying to psych yourself up for a day pretending to be Melissa Schemmenti’s other half.

“Mel, I look like an idiot,” you grumble. “How do you get to dress like that, and I’ve ended up looking like Elmo and Kermit the Frog had an illegitimate child?”

“No no no, you look great, hun,” she reassures you. The way her lips are slightly pursed in a desperate bid to bite back the giggle that’s threatening to escape says otherwise.

You, on the other hand, are less than impressed at her terrible poker face. Of all the times for her to lose her hard exterior, it had to be now. As much as you want to be mad at her for omitting the extremely-green-lycra part of your Vision to her Wanda costume, her visible excitement and rosy cheeks immediately put a stop to any negativity.

“I’m serious,” she continues, “besides you don’t look anywhere near as bad as Janine right now. That girl is wearing whole-ass beard.”

You raise your eyebrows as if to say ‘really?’, not quite believing her frantic excuses.

“Don’t give me that look. It looks as if she’s rolled around on the floor of a barber shop.”

You huff through your nose, arms crossing over your chest. You can’t help but look her up and down as she tries her best to reassure you that this look was the best decision for today. There’s no denying that she looks incredible in her Scarlet Witch getup, the tight outfit accentuating her irresistible curves and stunning figure. You don’t think you’ve ever seen her in such a form fitting piece and you really hope this isn’t the last time. You’re so obviously checking her out, but you hope your furrowed brow makes it look as though you’re just deep in frustrated thought.

Meanwhile, you’re clad in bright green lycra and sickly yellow basketball shorts, all topped off with a matching cape and some alarmingly bright red face-paint. Your hair is tucked inside the hood of the outfit, and you desperately hope that this aids you in going unnoticed and unrecognised, though deep down you know that the assaulting colours will do little to disguise you and give you away as soon as the day begins. There is absolutely no hope of camouflaging in the full halls of Abbott when you look like a walking Crayola pack.

As you begin to retreat into yourself, the annoyance quickly turning into embarrassment at the situation, Melissa reaches out to touch your arm that is still crossed over your torso.

“Hey, I’m telling you we look incredible right now. I can guarantee you nobody else will have made this amount of effort with their costume,” you know she’s trying her best to reassure you but you’re past the point of no return. You’re one mean sunburn joke away from taking a dish sponge to your face and changing into something a lot less… weird.

As you open your mouth to dismiss Melissa’s words, she silences you by reaching out her other hand to flatten the tie of your cape that sits around your neck. Her gloved hand feels impossibly warm through the fabric and you’re sure she’s moved closer to you, the toes of your bright white sneakers almost touching those of her crimson heels. She looks up through her eyelashes at you once she’s satisfied with her work, her hand staying in place and flattening against your sternum. This is the only time you’ll be glad for the paint slathered across your delicate features because you’re sure you’ve turned the exact same shade of red underneath.

Melissa’s proximity to you is intoxicating. You can almost see every faint freckle that is covered by her makeup, her winged eyeliner impossibly sharp even this close. You’re trapped in this position, but you have no desire to move, desperately hoping she’ll push you back the few steps to trap you against the cold brick wall. You’re positive you’re imagining her eyes flickering from your own down to your scarlet lips, but the sight can’t help but make you imagine what she would look like with her own red lipstick smudged past the edges of her full, inviting lips.

The clicking of heels against the tiled floor snaps you out of the moment and she jumps back, putting a good foot of space between you as you both try to recollect yourselves. Ava rounds the corner adorned in a flashy silver getup, her cape billowing behind her as she struts toward you. Her eyes squint when she sees the two of you and her mouth drops slightly as she realises just who is stood next to the Scarlet Witch.

“Wandavision, wuh-wandavision,” she sings as she nears you. “Goddamn girl, you look less like Vision and more like ‘blind’”

“Ava,” you groan over her cackle, “I can already feel my students ripping into me for the next 7 hours, i don’t need you getting involved as well.”

“All I’m saying is you look like Mr. Clean had a bad accident with some ketchup,” another cackle follows as she carries on her way down the hallway, not even giving you chance to process the insult as the sound of her walking away grows faint. You turn slowly to Melissa, not wanting to see her expression of pity. When your eyes meet, all you can see is an impossible softness that rarely comes out in the redhead.

“I genuinely think you look incredible right now, hun,” she says, her hand reaching out to touch your farm once again. Her thumb begins to rub where it lays, the friction burning an abnormal amount through the layers of fabric that separate your skin. You scoff at her statement, not quite believing that in her world the sunburnt equivalent of Howie Mandel is ‘incredible’. Before you can say a word, she continues. “Nobody has ever been willing to do this for me. You dropped everything to join in and I absolutely love you for it.” Her grin widens as she sees your walls visibly come down at her words, knowing she’s got under your skin and won yet again.

You can’t help but lose yourself in her eyes at her confession, noticing the smile lines that surround them deepening with her increasing happiness. You would give anything to see those lines deepen like this every single day, especially if it means that you were the cause of it and her good mood.

A gasp from behind you pulls you away from losing yourself too deeply, both of you snapping your heads to look at the interruption. In front of you stands none other than Barabara Howard dressed as... a bumble bee? Almost as if sensing your confusion at the letters attached to her torso, she jumps in with, “I’m a spelling bee, before you can ask,” you raise your eyebrows and let out a small 'ohhh' before she continues. “And I have no need to ask who you two are, you little marvel cuties! You both look absolutely incredible!”

You don’t miss the way that Melissa squeezes your arm slightly from where it still sits, resting against your bicep, saying a silent ‘I told you so’.

“You have to let me take a picture of you so I can show Gerald before the students get here,” she pleads. You’re about to decline the request until you look down to where Melissa stands next to you, only to see her grin impossibly wider than before, practically bouncing with excitement. The sight makes your heart melt in your chest and demolishes any notion of hesitance you had about this costume. Her happiness and enthusiasm are reason enough for all this to be worth it, even if your face will be stained by the bright red makeup for days to come.

“Alright then, let’s do this,” you sigh, moving away slightly to get into position while Barb pulls her phone out of her own costume, lifting it up to prepare for the barrage of images she is about to assault you with.

You both stand facing the camera, Melissa with her hands reaching out, almost as if she’s casting a spell. You take the opposite approach, widening your stance and placing your hands on your hips. Your head is lifted, standing tall and proud to the side of the redhead as you both pose.

You hear the camera shutter closing each time Barb jabs at her screen with her forefinger, Melissa changing poses slightly with every noise. You can’t help but grin yourself as you look down at her, her excitement for the holiday no doubt going above and beyond that of the literal children you teach.

Her head turns toward you as the photoshoot continues, catching your loving gaze toward her. She softens her own gaze and smiles back at you as the shutter goes off one last time and you hear a “alright, I think that should be enough pictures” from the eldest woman of your group. The statement causes you to tear your eyes away from Melissa’s and clear your throat, the both of you forgetting the company you had for a brief moment.

“Uh, yeah, I think so too,” you stutter, caught off guard by the way the irresistible redhead matched your captivated expression. “I think I’m gonna shoot off to get ready for the day – that classroom won’t tidy itself.” Your eyes flit between the two older women as you speak, both of them nodding along and agreeing to do the same with the last few free minutes of the morning before madness inevitably ensues.

“I’ll see you at recess later hun,’ Mel calls as you turn and wave, making your way down the hallway toward your classroom. “Have a great day!” You can’t help but grin again, feeling as though it hasn’t fallen off your face for the last ten minutes that you’ve spent in the redhead’s company. Your step undeniably has a little more pep than it did earlier, that’s for sure.

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adventuringblind · 9 months

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“My Favorite Sainz”

Carlos Sainz x sister!reader & Charles Leclerc x Sainz!Reader (can be read as platonic or romantic)

Genre: hurt/comfort, angst, fluff

Request: yes! I hope this is what you were thinking! My requests are open so please send your ideas!

Summary: Carlos has a new girlfriend, one who obviously didn’t care much to get to know him. When his sister starts getting bullied by her, it’s time for someone to step in.

Warnings: toxic behavior, bullying, social media being poison

Notes: written in third person. Kinda short compared to my other fics.

Masterlist

She was definitely more private than her brother. All her socials set to private. She only used her last name if it was necessary. So it didn’t shock her that her brothers new girlfriend didn’t know they were related.

Most of the staff around the Ferrari garage knew. Simply because Carlos was so excited when she finally decided to come to the paddock that he introduced her to everyone as “my baby sister,” much to her dismay.

The Leclerc family was instantly warm towards her. She liked teasing both Carlos and Charles. If she wasn’t with Carlos, she was probably with Charles.

When Carlos mentioned he was going on a date with a model, her and Charles teased him. It went on for months until he finally let the two meet her at the paddock during a race weekend.

It was obvious that the woman didn't care much to get to know him. The younger Sainz picked up on the way she practically ignored him when he spoke.

She pointed it out to him a few times but was just dismissed. Thankfully, Charles also saw it and reassured his favorite Sainz that she wasn't crazy.

Carlos simply pointed out that she didn't know her and that since she's a model, she deals with media and interactions differently.

She felt hurt by his words. Why didn't he see what she did?

Then the jealousy started.

Being a sister obviously meant being there for Carlos when things came up. No matter the result, it became routine for her to find him after races and slather him in sibling affection.

Depending on his mood, he’d either bat her away playfully or let console him. It was one of these moments that someone took a picture of. The culprit was Carlos’ girlfriend. She knows because she watched her take a picture with the flash on.

She let it be though. Maybe she thought it was cute.

The reality of what was really going on set in when she woke up that morning to the image circling the internet. Gossip articles claiming Carlos to be a cheater and her to be a slut.

Was it that difficult to want privacy? She wanted to watch her brothers races in peace. Do her job without interference from fans. Now, her want to remain unnoticed was the cause of drama for Carlos.

She tried to keep it to herself. Tried to let it all go because she knew the truth. But the fans were getting out of hand. They’d dug up photos where she appears with other drivers. Charles in particular.

As the words they used got stronger, she found herself struggling with how to cope.

She tried to talk to her brother about, but he’d just said he hadn’t seen anything and not to pay any mind to the haters.

It didn’t surprise Charles to see her at his door the following afternoon. Carlos had called him saying he couldn’t understand what was going on. Charles didn’t really know either. But when he saw the tears in her eyes, he knew it wasn’t good.

“What can I do for my favorite Sainz?”

Charles made a mental note that day to talk to Carlos, but he could never find a good opportunity to do so. In the meantime, he tried to help get rid of any rumors sounding the two.

She had bigger things to deal with then fans. Mostly the now very aggressive comments that came from a certain model. She was constantly telling her to back off.

“Can’t you take a hint?”

“I’m his-“

“I don’t care what you are, leave us alone.” She sneered. Again not bothering to listen to what anyone had to say.

Carlos had started noticing that both his sister and friend had been pulling away from him. He wanted to get to the bottom of it. But his girlfriend always placed herself between him and any answers. It was starting to become frustrating for the Spaniard.

This weekend she was going to celebrate Carlos’ birthday. He’d planned a large party at his apartment. She knew who was going to be there and almost decided in feigning sickness. She couldn’t do that to her brother, though. She’d just do her best to avoid any sort of spectacle.

When she arrived, the anxiety had already set in. More pictures. More words. More confrontation. She hated what this had done to her.

She takes a deep breath, opens the door, and immediately looks for her brother. He was easy to spot in the sea of bodies. Thankfully he spotted a her as well and pushed past the group to get to her.

He embraced her and planted a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m so happy you’re here! I feel like we haven’t seen each other in forever!”

She lets out an airy laugh. “We just saw each other last week and you said I was the worst sister of all time.”

“You ate my food.”

“You didn’t label it yours.”

The conversation was quick but she was relieved to be on her own again. No sight of anyone sneaking pictures of her or wanting to start anything. She made small talk with a few friends and family members. Then decided a drink was necessary if she was going to get through this party without passing out from the anxiety.

Before she made it to the bar, someone had snagged her wrist. Her body being dragged through people into the hallway. The two now secluded and away from earshot if any of her friends.

“How many times to I have to tell you? Stay away from him.” She could smell the alcohol on the woman’s breathe. She didn’t want there to be a scene. Not tonight.

She looked for a way to escape since words would do nothing. Being pinned to the wall by her shoulders was not helping her options.

Charles had arrived a few minutes ago. She had texted him before the party started admitting her nerves. He promised to find her as soon as he got there, but she was nowhere to be found.

Eventually he ran into Carlos. They greeted each other with a hug and a course of happy birthdays from the monegasque.

“Have you seen your sister anywhere?” He asked. His concern for the younger Sainz only growing as he’d yet to see her.

Carlos looked at him in confusion. “I was hoping you would know.”

The two split off to find her. Looking in places where you may have gone to get away.

Charles found himself down a hall that looked relatively quite. Until he heard the slurred words of a familiar female. He peeked around the corner and saw the girl he was looking for being held by the shoulders against the walls. Eyes glazed over like she wasn’t present.

Charles jumps out from around the corner and clears his throat. “There’s my favorite Sainz! I’ve been looking all over for you!”

The model and the monegasque stare at each other as one slowly releases her into the arms of the other. Carlos peaks around the corner in confusion. Not understanding why his sister was shaking, his girlfriend looked like she might punch Charles, and Charles looks like he’s going to run away with his sister.

“I’m so tired of this!” The mode, finally scream out. Loud enough for anyone nearby to stop what they’re doing. “Did you marry her or something now too?!”

Carlos deadpans and Charles starts laughing. The model only continues her monologue. “She’s a slut and want all your attention all the time, Carlos!”

Now they’ve switched. Carlos looks like he might punch the wall and Charles expression immediately deadpans.

“Get out.” Carlos spits. His voice firm and determined.

“What?-“

“I see what’s been going on now. Nobody gets to disrespect my family.”

“Your sister?”

The model begins fumbling around in confusion and embarrassment. Not knowing how not understanding what anyone was trying to tell her. Someone made sure she was escorted out.

Carlos thanked Charles for stepping in and helping his little sister. She smiled at her brother. “Never doubted you for a second.” She chuckles.

After she is in the safety of her own home, she sighs heavily. Charles had brought her up and walked her inside to make sure she was ok after everything that happened.

She almost tackled him with her surprise hug and muttered a ‘thank you’ into his chest.

He embraced her back. Whispering “of course, anything for my favorite Sainz.”

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madame-fear · 9 days

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𐙚 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒.

part one | part two.

ೀ amira speaks! : pretty much self-indulgent. kinda based on the song “shameless” by camila cabello. for some reason,, i adore the idea of older brother!Matías being your emotional support coach AHSHDJK ˗ˏˋ ꒰ summary : jealousy can terribly fog your clarity, becoming oblivious to the way your best friend — who also happens to be your crush — feels about you. ˗ˏˋ ꒰ word count : 2.3k.

˗ˏˋ ꒰ genre : friends to lovers, fluff, a bit of oblivious mutual pining. ˗ˏˋ ꒰ pairing : Francisco Romero x Recalt!Reader. ( this part is mostly about Matías encouraging you to talk to Fran about your feelings lmao )

If there was one particular thing you were undoubtedly good at, was at gnawing your own mind continously with jealousy.

Jealousy was the worst of your enemies— one you knew well, and dreaded the most. With the sappy feelings that appeared the moment you had a new crush, along came the bitterness jealousy and insecurity. At the slightest situation where you felt as if you were about to lose an opportunity with your new crush, jealousy immediatly took a toll on you.

It didn’t feel easy to deal with it, leading you to avoid every situation that could potentially be overwhelming— but sometimes, it was inevitable to be faced with those situations that piqued the familiar sensation of bitterness.

Gods, now you wondered why you had decided to go to a big party with Fran instead of doing something else together? But it wasn’t like you could be in control of every single situation surrounding both of you, or even control your own emotions, anyways.

You met Fran the very first time you went to visit your older brother, Matías, in the filming set of “La Sociedad de la Nieve”. You had met all of your brother’s cast mates, but the blonde haired Argentine was the one you clicked the most with— his endearing, loving & charismatic personality was captivating, and it didn’t take long until he became your closest best friend... And your crush, too.

Everyone around you noticed the intense crush you had on Fran. Matías particularly always teased you by mentioning that you were quite blatant with your feelings, and while you tried to dismiss his sayings, it was true— it was as if you nearly had heart eyes for the blonde, giggling and smiling to yourself at the slightest glimpse you caught of him.

Your brother insisted that Fran felt the same way towards you, that it was more than obvious he was enamoured with you, but you vehemently denied it. The idea of him reciprocating your feelings seemed impossible, and with each passing day, the thought of it was even more farfetched.

Now, you felt at the brink of losing your shit. The only thing that constantly replayed on your mind was the — practically abrupt — showcase of emotions you had after seeing Fran talking closely and laughing with another girl at a party you both attended, only to then lie about not feeling quite well, and dragging him out of there with you.

Ever since, you couldn’t get the image of him and another girl out of your mind, and you had barely texted him. The rational portion of your mind argued that the interaction between them meant nothing; it was just a friendly, casual conversation. Besides, Fran could befriend and talk with whomever he desired— you shouldn’t even be getting in the way.

But the irrational portion of your mind, which seemed to win a greater part of your thoughts, overwhelmed you with the idea of him fancying someone else, feeling as if the slight opportunity you had to be with him slipped away from your hands.

Faint breeze constantly hit against your features. Quietly, you sat on a chair you placed in the balcony of your apartment, having fixed your gaze on the sky that contained a rich orange tone mixed with a rosy haze. The silence of the moment while you drowned in your own thoughts was suddenly interrupted when you heard your phone ringing on your pocket.

Taking the phone out of your pocket, staring quickly at the screen, you saw your brother calling you. Most of the time you texted each other, only calling or getting called if there was an emergency, or anything urgent at all. “Yes?” you picked up the call, awaiting him to speak— you supposed something must’ve happened for him to call you out of nowhere.

Brief silence loomed from the other side of the line.

“Code Blondie,” for some reason, you could almost hear him smiling while speaking. Code Blondie was the code you both agreed you’d use to start a conversation about Fran, or refer to him discreetly in public. It was a silly little thing you had always done with your brother, as he was the one you gushed about your crushes with, and the one you vented to about your heartbreaks.

Inhaling deeply,, you then released a loud sigh. The bitter, almost poisonous feeling of your own thoughts dreadfully consumming you had returned, after fading away for several seconds. The mere mention of anything related to him bought you back to how you had been feelings the previous days, and at the current moment. You furrowed your eyebrows, and before you could even respond, he continued.

“Somebody’s been asking for you,” Matías was definitely smiling to himself while talking from the other side of the line. “Your boyfriend seemed almost desperate. He said he was concerned about you.” you placed your arm on the armholder of the chair, using your fist to hold your face.

You thought you had been behaving as normal as you could with Fran, because for some reason, you could barely be with, or talk to him without remembering what you saw, or even getting your toxic feelings hauntingly coming back to you. You weren’t mad at Fran, were you? You didn’t even know why you would be mad at him... You should be mad at yourself for acting this way. One thing you knew, was that you felt confused about everything.

“What... What do you mean, concerned about me?” you inquired, remaining with your eyebrows furrowed. “Matías, what did he tell you?” a scoff was heard coming from your brother. You felt that awaiting for his response was an eternity— the moment itself felt like an eternity.

While you were still troubled yourself at the hands of your own bitter jealousy, you did feel worried about having accidentally made Fran feel bad without him even knowing what he did for you to react this way. Perhaps you hadn’t been so discreet, after all.

“Fran told me, he was afraid you might be angry at him and asked how you had been doing... For some reason?” instead of having been debating to yourself whether or not to tell your brother about this, you should’ve done it straight away, and you would surely have avoided yourself a great deal of this upcoming conversation. You always told Matías literally everything, but you hadn’t told him about this moment.

“Now I need to know, what the fuck happened between the two of you? I didn’t even know what to answer him!” he asked in a teasing manner, “You didn’t tell me about this one, sis.” no, you hadn’t. All you could do, was pinch the bridge of your nose as you closed your eyes. Sooner or later, you would have to get your shit together and toss your own emotions through the window as well.

You wouldn’t have expected Fran to ask your brother about you, and to think you were angry at him. If anything, you were only angry at yourself for acting in such a childish way. Not only you dragged him out of that party with the excuse that you weren’t feeling well, but also fell practically silent the entire ride back to your home, and dismissed any help he offered. Fuck— jealousy ruined you.

“No, I didn’t. I’ve been gnawing my own mind with stupid little thoughts and forgot to tell you.” you replied honestly, rubbing your face out of frustration, before allowing the weight of your head to fall against your palm. “Oh God, this situation is so stupid— but remember the other day, that I told you that I was going out with him to a party?” Matías hummed in response, allowing you to continue.

“Well... To summarise it, I lost him amidst the crowd at one moment, and when I found him, he was talking closely and laughing with another girl...” your words drifted off for a second, “I got jealous, so I told him that I wanted to go home because I wasn’t feeling well and dragged him away with me,” now that you told Mati about the situation, you felt slightly embarrassed about your abrupt display of emotions over something so small and silly.

“I kind of fell silent the entire ride back home, and... barely spoke to him ever since, because I can’t help but constantly think about him being with another girl.” as soon as you finished explaining, you nibbled your lower lip anxiously. No matter how silly the situation was, you found comfort everytime you remembered that your brother was sort of your emotional support coach.

Matías scoffed after you finished talking. Gods, you were oblivious.

“Sos re boluda mal, vos.” you were used to having Matías call you like that playfully. You teasingly called him “boludo” and “pelotudo”, and instead, he called you the same way. In response, you rolled your eyes. “Seriously, how oblivious can you be about it?” his tone seemed a bit more serious, making you attentively listen to him, curiously.

“Can’t you see how enamoured he is for you? Woman, he stares at you with heart eyes— and you got jealous because he spoke with another girl for a short while?” you shook your head, muttering a soft “no” under your breath. Perhaps Matías was trying to make you feel less bad, but the idea of Fran reciprocating your feelings didn’t fit in your head— you were in a vehement denial.

“Mati, no. I don’t think Fran sees me that way—” before you could continue objecting against his statements, Matías interrupted you. “My God, you are blind. EVERYONE from the set knows, and can see, that he looks like a little schoolgirl in love whenever you’re around.” you fell silent, as a rosy haze spread across your cheeks. “We tease him all the time about you. Somehow, Fran manages to bring you up in every possible conversation topic we have with him.”

The only thing you could do, was remain silent as he spoke. Matías never lied to you about a single thing— and you doubted he would be lying to you about this particular situation, which was something you knew you were wholeheartedly serious about. Besides, he knew what he was talking about. Hearing him talk about this felt enlightening, in a way— the mental fog blinding your clarity fading away.

“Ask any of the other boys about this, and they will tell you the exact same thing I’m telling you now.” he continued, “The man smiles to himself and becomes flustered at the slightest mention about you, or glimpse of you!” it truly was unbelievable how oblivious you were to the situation.

“Besides, can’t you see how painfully clingy Fran is witu you? I once teased him by telling him that I would kick his ass if he tried anything funny with you. He’s an idiot who won’t stop talking about you, and fixes his stare on you whenever you’re near.” Matías scoffed, making you helplessly smile to yourself.

“You nearly had him crawling on his hands and knees, all afraid of having made you upset— and you are beating yourself wondering if he feels the same?” maybe your brother was right. Your brain had a thing to make obvious things escape from you. A sigh of relief spurred from your lips, feeling a burden on your back immediatly disappear. “I think you might be right, Mati. But what do I even do now?”

“Of course I’m right. I always am.” a cocky piece of shit, he was— but a good emotional coach, and brother, for sure. “What you’re going to do now, is you are going to hang up on me, and you will send Fran a message immediatly telling him you want to see him.” you sighed, shaking your head. How would you do that? It felt terribly awkward to send him a message out of nowhere, telling him you wanted to see him.

“And say what, exactly? “Sorry for being distant, I felt jealous because you slightly paid attention to another girl that wasn’t me?””

“Yes.”

“No! Matías, I can’t do that—”

“Shut up, yes you can. Say it just like that, or find a polite way of doing it, whatever.” you wished you could be as shameless as your brother was. “Don’t fret too much, Fran will probably find it endearing.” before being able to protest about anything, he continued to speak. “Anyways, I already told him to send you a message because you were free today and wanted to meet with him, so he surely beat you to it already.”

“You fucking did what?!—”

“Yeah, I did. Bye, good luck, and let me know how it goes!” the phone clicked. He hung up before you could threaten to strangle him.

As a soft click sound was heard from the phone line, you took your device off your ear. You adored your brother to no end, he always knew how to motivate you to do things you were afraid of doing— but this time, you felt as if you had been pushed right into confronting Fran about your feelings.

The phone vibrated on your hand. You had new text messages.

Unlocking your phone, you scrolled downwards on the screen to check all the notifications you had. And just like Matías had predicted, you had three new messages from Fran. The pounding of your heartbeat increased abruptly, almost as if you could spit your heart right out from your mouth.

Frani 🧚‍♂️💗: gooordiiiis Frani 🧚‍♂️💗: are you free right now? Frani 🧚‍♂️💗: Mati said you were, and I would like to spend some time with you 💘

Fuck. If you could teletransport to where youe brother was, you would repeatedly, and very violently, hit him in the face with at least a pillow for pushing you into this situation. You couldn’t avoid the blonde haired Argentine for ever, and why were you avoiding him for something related to your own feelings, anyways?

But, considering all the things your brother had just told you, and him being the person you trusted the most— perhaps, this was your opportunity to free yourself from all the things picking on your mind. And hopefully, they would go as planned.

◞ ꙳ ๋࣭ ⭑ ` taglist .ᐟ

@luceracastro @castawaycherry @creative-heart @cyliarys-starlight @deepinsideyourbeing @chiquititamia @koiibiito @lastflowrr

#francisco romero x reader #francisco romero fluff #fran romero x reader #fran romero fluff #fran romero one shot #francisco romero one shot #lsdln cast #lsdln x reader #matias recalt x reader

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phoenix-downer · 3 months

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KH4 First Trailer

This is the first KH4-related translation post I've done (nearly two years late ;lakjsdf my how the time flies), and hopefully there will be many more to come. I'll be focusing on the dialogue and text in the trailer and not so much on the camera angles, character expressions, etc. this time around just because I want to keep the focus on the translations.

Here’s a general key for the kind of analysis I like to do:

JP: Official Japanese Dialogue

EN: Official English Dialogue

TR: My Translation (usually more literal and thus more stilted than the official English version. I’m not using natural-sounding English in order to stick as close to the Japanese versions of the lines as possible for the purpose of analysis)

Notes: things I found interesting, grammatical points, extra thoughts, etc.

One last note: media doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Every work of art must be viewed through the cultural lens of the people who made it. Kingdom Hearts, for all its ties to Disney, is still very much a Japanese game, so it should be analyzed in light of that.

With that in mind, let’s continue.

JP 自分が望む結末ではなかったと絶望するのならー

EN If this isn't the ending you desired—if it brings you despair—

TR If (this) wasn't the ending you hoped for—if (you) feel despair—

Notes: Sigurd is apparently the character saying these next few lines.

The word for "ending" here, ketsumatsu, is an interesting word choice. It is often used in the context of stories (though it also has other uses), which fits really well with how KH4 will play around with the concept of reality vs. unreality. So on a meta level it's like, "If you didn't like how KH3 ended, if you didn't like how Sora ended up, then help him escape Quadratum."

Also, the word the official English version translates as "desired," nozomu, can mean "desire, want, wish for, hope for," and it's an antonym of zetsubō, the word translated "despair." So there's this nice poetic contrast going on between hope and despair in this bit in the Japanese version.

JP 他の世界に退場すればいい

EN then leave this world for another

TR —(then you) should leave for another world.

Notes: This particular word for "leave," taijō, can be used for leaving venues, stadiums, parking lots, rooms, sports games, etc. It can also be used for actors exiting the stage. Take a look at definition #1, which translated states, "Leaving venues, stadiums etc." and #2, which translated states, "Actors etc. leaving the stage" (Source):

I thought that was really interesting, because using a word with these specific connotations makes me wonder if this is more of that meta commentary, this time about how we should direct Sora the character to leave Quadratum if we so desire. Sure, the general sense of "leave" or "exit" is the main meaning here, but I always get so intrigued by word choice and all the connotations a word has.

Also, the phrasing isn't exactly the same, but there is a euphemism in Japanese for the place your soul goes when you die, takai, that uses the same kanji as hoka no sekai that we see in "another world" here, it just uses the onyomi pronunciation instead of the kunyomi pronunciation for "another" hoka/tai and has no no particle.

Googling hoka no sekai brought up a lot of images about parallel worlds and the isekai genre, so that's probably the most accurate connotation given Sora's world traveling adventures thus far, but I still thought that was an interesting tidbit, even if it's a complete reach on my end. Like sure Sora can go to other worlds, but he's still dead, so he's still going to more places where he's dead and can't go home where he'd be fully alive.

JP 選択肢は無限にあるはずだー

EN Your options are endless.

TR (Your) options/choices should be endless/limitless—

Notes: I really like how the English version contrasts "ending" with "endless." You don't like the ending Sora got in KH3? Your options for taking him to other worlds are "endless." The Japanese version has this interesting tidbit too where the speaker conveys an expectation. He says hazu, which means "expected," "should be," "must be." So he expects Sora's options are endless, but it has a slightly different nuance than if he'd just said they are endless.

JP 心は魂に宿り　魂は運命によって在るべき場所へ導かれる

EN The heart resides within the soul which in turn is guided by fate to its rightful place

TR (The) heart dwells in (the) soul, (and the) soul is guided by fate to its rightful place (lit. the place it should be).

Notes: There's not really any difference between the official English version and my translation. It's just interesting to break it down. For whatever reason the "rightful place" of the soul has the verb of existence for inanimate objects (aru) instead of the one for animate objects (iru). Not sure if that's a set phrase or if the soul in this context would be considered an inanimate object (time to go down a rabbithole about animacy in Japanese).

This bit also kinda reminded me of how Xehanort talked in KH3 when he was recounting the cycle of light and darkness. The language has a very "mythological"/storytelling feel to me, which makes sense given whoever is saying these lines is talking about fate, destiny, the nature of the universe, etc. And then the floating text in the darkness also reminds me of the Dive into the Heart sequences with the disembodied voice as well, so it could also be a reference to that.

JP 選択は再び委ねられる

EN The choice is yours once more.

TR (The) choice is left (to you) once more./(The) choice is entrusted (to you) once more.

Notes: Once again, this bit of text seems very meta. It feels like it's addressed to the fans, given how we're the ones who will be controlling Sora in KH4. And of course the image shows his chess piece with his crown symbol on it, so the implication is that Sora's heart will be the one guiding him once more, and his heart will be guided by fate.

JP あなたはこの世界に来て7日間　ずっと眠っていたの

EN You've been asleep since you arrived in this world seven days ago.

TR You came to this world seven days ago (and you)'ve been sleeping (the) whole time.

Notes: I don't love my translation because nanokakan more literally means "a period of seven days," but yeah I think I get the gist across.

Strelitzia refers to Sora as anata here when the norm is to refer to other people by their names in Japanese, even when addressing them directly, so either she doesn't know his name yet or she's being very polite, almost distant. She also ends her declaration with no, likely to indicate she's offering more of an explanation (it also makes her sound pretty cute and feminine).

Also, as I'm going through this trailer again, I'm reminded that Sora doesn't talk at all. He has the battle grunts during his fight against the Darkside, but he doesn't have any dialogue. I just thought that was interesting, because Xehanort commented on Sora not having a voice in Melody of Memory as well. Somehow that also told Xehanort where Sora's heart is located (foreshadowing for this game I suppose). I wonder if Sora will be similarly voiceless at first in KH4 or if he just is for this trailer for dramatic effect because Nomura knows everyone wants to hear him speak.

And then of course I have to mention the significance of Sora being asleep in Quadratum for seven days. Seven has a lot of significance in the KH universe, given how there are seven guardians of light. Seven is also the length of a week, and it's a number that has connotations of wholeness and completion in certain cultures.

JP ここはクァッドラトゥムー

EN This is Quadratum—

TR (This is) Quadratum—

Notes: Not really anything to note here other than the gorgeous graphics, how Sora doesn't look at all like his usual cheerful self (no smile to be found), and the colors in Quadratum seem very warm/brown/earth tones/"real" and not super bright and colorful like in the "main" KH universe.

JP 生者の世界ではあるけれどー

EN It's a world full of life—

TR (It's) a world of living people/the living but—

Notes: Seija is translated as "full of life" in the official English version, but it more literally means "living people" or "the living." So Strelitzia is pointing out that all around them are living people and yet, for her and Sora, it's still a world of death because she and Sora should be dead.

JP 私たちにとっては“死の世界”ってことになるみたい

EN but for you and I, it's similar to an "afterworld," I suppose.

TR —for us, (it) seems like it's "a world of death."

Notes: This is where I wish the English version was closer to the Japanese version. "World of death" or "world of the dead" would've been a closer translation, and I'm not sure why it wasn't used (perhaps to avoid mentioning the dreaded "d" word). I do like the pun-like quality of "afterworld," combining "afterlife" and the oft-used-in-the-KH-universe "world," and since the translators have access to information I don't about the game's lore, I can't say whether crucial lore has been lost in translation, but I wanted to point out the difference here.

Also, the grammar pattern Strelitzia uses here, koto ni naru, indicates something that's outside of her and Sora's control. This being an afterlife of sorts for the two of them was decided by factors beyond their control, in other words. She also uses mitai to indicate her speculation/observation.

JP だがー

EN However—

TR However—

Notes: This is back to Sigurd speaking, and very ominously so.

JP 一度退場すれば元の世界に戻れると思うなー

EN if you do leave this world behind, don't expect to return to the one from which you came—

TR —once (you) leave, don't think (you) can go back to (your) original world—

Notes: This ends on a rather ominous note. Again the word taijō is used here for "leave" much like earlier in the trailer. I remember this dialogue when I first watched this trailer because it was such a wham line. What do you mean Sora can't go home? He can go to other worlds but he can't go home? What will it take to bring him home then? Something pretty drastic from the sounds of it.

Also, I like the formal wording of the official English version. Sigurd sounds like he's from a different time.

Then of course this next bit cuts to Donald and Goofy, searching for ways to find Sora presumably:

JP どこにいるんだろう？

EN I wonder where he is.

TR (I) wonder where (he) is.

Notes: Nothing really to talk about, just that the "I" and "he" is implied in Japanese (Japanese tends to drop pronouns in places they would be required in English because there's enough info provided by context, verb conjugations, etc. to figure out who the speaker is talking about).

JP 手がかり見つかるといいね

EN I don't know, but I sure hope he can help.

TR I hope (we) can find (a) clue.

Notes: A bit of a difference here, Goofy is focused more on finding a clue in Japanese whereas in English he's hoping "he" (Hades, presumably) can help.

JP おい

EN Hey!

TR Hey!

Notes: Hades' Japanese VA has a very distinctive voice, and so right from this word you know it's him a;lsdkjf and he's as snarky and blunt as ever lol.

JP どこへ行くんだ

EN Just where do you think you're going?

TR (Just) where (do you think you)'re going?

Notes: I love the sass and snark of the English translation, and it captures the vibes of the Japanese version well (Hades uses ~nda at the end of the sentence to indicate he wants more information out of them). They found Hades, but now they'll actually have to deal with Hades...

And that's what I have for now! I am curious about what promo material will be released next and what new tidbits we'll have to speculate on. Fingers crossed we get more info around the anniversary this year!

The Japanese trailer is here.

The English trailer is here.

#kingdom hearts #kh #kh4 #kingdom hearts 4 #sora #strelitzia #kh sora #sigurd #hades #donald #donald duck #goofy #kh analysis #phoenix translates #phoenix-downer #kh4 spoilers #kingdom hearts 4 spoilers #long post

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fuckyeslilkim · 9 months

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Lil Kim's Squat Pose Is Iconic. Its Photographer Discusses it for the First Time

In a rare interview, Michael Lavine discussed the day he shot Lil Kim’s Hard Core cover, the booklet, and that feisty, nearly 30-year-old poster we just can’t get enough of.

Even though Michael Lavine has photographed OutKast, Ghostface Killah, JAY-Z, Missy Elliott, Foxy Brown and many others, he didn’t start out capturing larger-than-life rap acts. Like multiple moments throughout his career, he just fell into the next phase of artistry, which was deifying a generation of Black storytellers.

Lavine’s interest in photography goes way back. He led his high school’s yearbook committee as the head photographer. Soon after, at Washington’s Evergreen State College, he studied traditional street photography in the style of Robert Frank and Garry Winogrand. While in Washington, he befriended the group responsible for the record label that became Sub Pop, and documented a then-emerging sound that, to this day, continues to inspire chart toppers. He wasn’t interested in being married to any particular genre or group though, because boxing yourself in isn’t the move. “I just never felt comfortable kind of being pigeonholed in anything to my own detriment. It's not good for business to do that,” he said. “You're supposed to kind of dive in, not pull away. But that's just how I was wired. I wanted to do my own thing.”

After fostering the trust of music industry greats (“I started working for Rick Rubin. He was one of my first clients and he hired me to shoot a bunch of his Death American acts because he was starting to do metal at that time,” Lavine recalled) and becoming a Black Book highlight, he fell into shooting some of the biggest rappers on the scene. His knowledge of capturing Black talent helped. “I was very good at skin color and doing warm skin tones and lighting people,” he said. “For some reason, I think there was this problem with white people who didn’t understand how to light Black people, which was just ridiculous.”

In short, he came, he saw, he snapped. Legacies were cemented in the process, most notably with an image of one of the greatest female rappers that has become one of hip-hop’s most beloved and recreated photos — Lil Kim’s iconic squat seen ‘round the world.

Below, the retired photographer gave Okayplayer a rare interview where, for the first time, he discussed the day he shot Lil Kim’s Hard Core cover, the booklet, and that feisty, nearly 30-year-old poster we just can’t get enough of.

This interview, which took place over multiple conversations, has been edited and condensed for clarity and length.

When did you first meet Lil Kim?

The date was 7/30/96. The anniversary just passed.

What was your first impression of her?

My impression overall was she was not like she is, as in the present. She was very quiet and under the thumb of Big Un. Remember Big Un?

Are you talking about Lance “Un” Rivera?

Yeah. He was there. He was the man in charge of her and was kind of in control of the shoot. Kim didn't say a word. I don't think I spoke to her once about anything, but we had a nice rapport in front of the camera. She was great and we made a lot of pictures together, but I felt like there was this circus going on around us and it was just me and her. You get this intimate bond with your subject a lot of times. She's in her lingerie and rolling around on a bed. So, I was trying to be my normal, respectable self, and being professional and making the images with her in tandem.

I would direct her like, "Let's try this. How about coming over here? What if we lean this way?" There were a lot of sets. We had rented a brownstone in Manhattan probably. It was a couple floors. It might have been two floors. So there was a bedroom, a little balcony, a fireplace, and those big doors.

I interviewed Kim last year and she told me she just kind of dropped into the squat pose naturally.

It was very spontaneous. When you're doing photo shoots, at least when I was working, it was an organic process and you let things happen. It's like a creative flow. Whenever you have a creative director there holding out a [composition] like, "Here, do it like this," it just was always bad and kind of nothing. It was like the safest way to get whatever it is that they had in their minds. But to make a great photograph you have to let things happen. You just have to go with it.

There was no layout for her to do that pose. It just was natural. Part of it, I spent a lot of time low angle, meaning I was always kind of lying on the floor, crouching down myself. So, it's possible that one of the reasons she did it was because I was probably sitting on the floor looking up at her because that's kind of how I do. My style was based on the hero, meaning my job was to make people look like heroes with iconic style.

My style was based on making people look cool and giving them lots of options. So, we would take a lot of different kinds of photographs. I used different kinds of lighting. We moved very quickly. A lot of things happened and it was very much an exciting experience. Somebody had a set prop person there bringing flowers. For the cover shot, we had all those flowers in front of the fire, and the bear skin rug we brought that in. It was a normal hip-hop shoot. I was intimidated. It was a very hard day. Everybody was being kind of tough and intimidating, and nobody would talk to me.

Were you scared?

I was never scared, but they all had guns. It's not that I was scared..scared is not the right word. It's more like I felt kind of out of place a little bit. I didn't even speak with Kim. I was dealing with Un mostly, and Un had a lot of ideas. So we were trying to do all the things. I was getting coverage for him. He wanted to have her hold the honey bear. Remember, there's a shot of her holding a honey bear on the black satin sheets? We had a lot of props. I had a props guy. His name was Jerry Schwartz. He was very good and we had brought a bunch of stuff.

So, for example, I remember Puffy came in for a shot and I did one shot with Puffy and Kim together. And Puffy, I worked with him many times. He didn't even say hello to me.

I was just like, “Really? Do you have to be that way? You're so cool you don't want to embarrass yourself talking to the photographer, actually acknowledging him?”

I never really felt at home around Puffy. I think at that time, because I don't think he's like this anymore, but at that time he was — and I know this happened to several other people that I've witnessed throughout their careers — they're really striving. It's very hard at the beginning and they'll push, push, push. They're just about their thing and they don't care about you. So, he was yelling at everybody all the time.

On set that day?

Not that day. Other days.

Oh, just in general?

Just in general. Barking orders. But that day he came in briefly and we did the shot and then he left. There's one shot, I don't know if you've seen it, of them together on a wall. I don't even know why he was there. I can't remember. He had something to do with the record, I guess.

"There was no layout for her to do that pose. It just was natural," Lavine said of the image.

The image came out as the poster, “Lil Kim Coming Soon.” When you're there that day, you have no idea what images are going to stand out. Zero. There's just no way anyone could know. It isn't until there's time to contemplate the session when you edit it and you start to live with the images. And the graphic designer who, I can't remember who it was. Maybe you can find that out.

Maybe.

Let's see if there's a name on here. I don't know. Big Beat records? I don't know who that would've been. Atlantic maybe? I think it was Atlantic Records, no?

Lil Kim was [signed to] Atlantic.

It was Atlantic? Maybe it was, I don't know who it was. Liz Barrett? There were a bunch of people in the Atlantic art department at the time. I could probably look at the invoice.

Do you still have the invoice?

I don't know. Let's see if I do. '96...

If you do, you're the best records keeper of all time.

Yeah, there's Kim and Puffy right there. I have the whole job here. Ed and Carl were my assistants. The location was 24 West 10th Street. That's where we shot it. Here's something for you. Ready for this?

Yes.

So, these are notes from my conversation with the manager. "Little Kim. Female. She's the other woman, somersaults in bedroom, not raunchy. Doorway of bedroom, satin sheets. Blouse, undone. Honey in hair, on bed and on phone. Down pants. Unbuttoning pants. No whips and chains. Classy, sexy, lush, lustful. Candles in the background. Fruits and chocolates." There you go.

The notes Lavine was given prior to the Lil Kim shoot.

So, those were the notes that you were given before the shoot?

Yep. Those were the notes I was given before the shoot.

"Not raunchy" really stands out because I think you conveyed that.

"Not raunchy" — peekaboo, sexy shit.

Oh, man. Well, you did it. You accomplished the goal. And that actually flows really well into my next question, which was what do you believe they were trying to convey with the shoot?

It was funny that they hired me because I was known for not exploiting women in my photos. That was one of the reasons I didn't ever shoot women because back in the day, you were expected to shoot women with clothes off. I refused to do that and I never did it. I think this crouching picture was the raunchiest picture that I had ever done. Actually, that's not true. I did one once. But it was not my normal style, shall I say.

But also, it's an empowering image. I just generally felt uncomfortable sexualizing women throughout my career. That shoot was uncomfortable for me because I had to do that, and I think she was a little unclear as to what she was doing herself. I have no idea. I didn't talk to her. I'm not sure what she was thinking. Years later, I talked to her because we were both well complaining about this image being bootlegged.

She did mention that during our interview. That people were making t-shirts and making their own memorabilia.

It's completely illegal what they're doing, and it's got to be the most bootlegged image of mine. It's like whack-a-mole, you can't stop them. You send out your lawyers and then they just shut down and open with a different name. I could probably go out, spend some time and sue them all and she could, too. Who has time for that? If you have a lawyer and you have a lot of money, you could do that.

That sounds like a lot.

I mean, it's unfortunate. But she was talking about trying to do some merch of her own. The smart thing to do would be to get a deal with Merch Traffic or somebody that does merch, and then they would take care of trying to squash the illegal competition. But I thought that she was going to maybe have that happen this year, but I haven't heard from her.

But the image is just getting more and more famous. It's funny, you never know what kind of resonance an image is going to make and impress upon the culture at the time when you make it. It's rare that there's an instant classic. It's very hard to have that kind of impact these days just because of the nature of social media. Back then, there was a poster and that poster was the only poster. There was no other place to see it but the poster.

Now, it's everywhere.

That image really stands the test of time. Very few images stand the test of time like that image that I've worked on. It's one of my more recognizable images and I have a lot of them.

You do.

So, what can I say? It was a perfectly nice day. She was lovely. We had a nice rapport. The pictures came out great. I continued to work for many years after, and I'm retired now.

What made you jump into hip-hop photography?

Well, that's a funny question because I think my whole life, until recently, has been me falling into things that I wasn't planning on. I was driven to do photography so I was on that path. But if you would've told me my senior year, my fifth year of college, I was going to be shooting rock bands for a living for the rest of my life, I would've said, "Really?" I would've had no idea. But that fifth year [of college] I got a job to shoot a rock band and it just turned into —

The rest of your life?

It turned into the rest of my life. I never said, "I'm going to be a rock photographer." I never said that until I was one. Then, I had no plans on shooting hip-hop. It was an up-and-coming market at the time. I didn't know anything about it. I was friends with Kurt Cobain hanging out at rock shows, and really was unaware of a lot of hip-hop.

I did some hip-hop jobs early. I shot De La Soul, who I loved. I shot a few bands and hip-hop acts that were popular around that time. I got to know a lot of people in the business over time because I worked in it for so long. I was really close with Groovy Lou, who I loved as a stylist. June Ambrose. A lot of people.

But this was a defining moment. That shot, that poster when it came out, it made a lasting impact. It's still gaining speed. At that time, nobody knew who she was.

Did you know who she was?

I might've heard her name but not really. I just got hired on jobs. That's how I learned about people. I listened to the record before anybody else heard it. I got it first. But a lot of people were that way — I would learn about them on the job. That's how you learn because if I'm shooting 100 jobs a year, I don't have time to do anything but the job that's in front of me.

Did you listen to the album before the shoot?

Oh, I'm sure, of course. I don't remember the exact moment I listened to it but I always did. But that was part of the job, and we listened to it all day long during the shoot because that's what we did.

When did you realize that photo was really making waves?

Well, I think it happened over time. Obviously, the poster immediately was like, “OK, that's intense.”

Was it everywhere? Was it all over town?

It was everywhere. And when the poster came out it was powerful. It was a dramatic statement and it sent shock waves immediately. It was clearly influential at the time, I will say that. It was shocking and effective. It put her on the map.

Do you think it put her on the map more so than the cover?

Oh, yeah. The cover, who knows what the cover looks like? Nobody does.

#lil kim #lil' kim #rap #queen of rap #rapper #hip hop #queen bee #female rapper #female rap #hiphop #fashion #90s #squat

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emotionallychargedtowel · 3 months

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Desert Hearts rewatch notes

Desert Hearts (1985) is one of my favorite movies, but as with most of my favorites, I've gone quite a while without seeing it at times. I put it on the other day for the first time in years and took some screenshots in the hope that I might get some folks on here to give it a try that haven't, or at least bring back some memories for those who’ve seen it before. Then, when I sat down to post the images, I found I had more to say than I realized.

This was my first time watching this movie since I got into the whole BL/QL genre and I was curious to see if it would seem any different to me after a period of being more immersed in queer stories than usual. Mostly it swept me up into its own world, something this film is really good at. But I did find myself thinking at times about how aspects of it mapped onto QL tropes and more general romance tropes. I also couldn't help but see some parallels to the actual lived experiences of myself and people I know.

Queer romance tropes in Desert Hearts

Three tropes stood out at me that I've run into in the QL world, some of which I've seen in hetero romance settings as well.

Fish out of water - Vivian goes from her life as an academic in New York City to staying at a ranch outside Reno in pursuit of a "quick" divorce. (Having to spend six weeks in a strange place in order to get a divorce was "quick" by 1959 standards.) Helen Shaver, who played Vivian, points out in a featurette included with the Criterion version of the movie that Vivian has been living a very cerebral life, living inside her own head while cutting herself off from her body from the neck down. This radical change of scenery is exactly what she needs to be able to open up to something different.

There’s a similar dynamic at play in hetero fish-out-of-water romances. But I find this trope a lot more interesting in a queer context. Queer identities have a more complex relationship to difference. Among other things, characters who seem to be at home in the environment of the story often turn out to be alienated from it due to others’ perceptions of their sexuality.

Age gap (with the younger person pursuing) - Cay, who is ten years Vivian's junior, is definitely the pursuer here. This isn't a specifically queer trope per se, but it can manifest in some specific ways in queer love stories.

LGBTQ+ identity can put people on unusual timelines in their lives. (This is an idea I first ran into in a book by Jack Halberstam in undergrad.) Sometimes this means being in a more "youthful" mode later in life than cishet people. Other times it means being a particular kind of late bloomer. And so on. So with life stages not conforming to typical expectations, what does it mean to love someone you have a significant age difference with?

In the case of Vivian and Cay, Vivian may be older, but Cay is poised to initiate her into practices and feelings that are pretty familiar for Cay and totally, mind-blowingly new to Vivian. This creates a kind of role reversal. At the same time, Cay has never felt this way about a partner before, so in many ways, their relationship is causing her to have some new and intense experiences as well.

The thing where a character figures out their sexuality for the first time because their feelings toward a love interest act as a catalyst - This is certainly a trope that comes up in stories about queer romance, but it's more debatable whether it's a queer trope in the sense of a trope that is used by and resonates with queer people. I guess I'd say the theme comes up in different ways when a story is very geared toward the "straight gaze" and when it's more authentically queer. With the "straight gaze" version you get things like "gay for you." With more authentic versions, well, I don't think I've noticed many commonalities there. But I will always defend the use of this trope when it's done well in a way that centers queer experience, if only because falling for a specific person is exactly what forced me to come to terms with my own sexuality.

Side note: Speaking of coming to terms with my sexuality, it really is an indication of how deeply in denial I was about my bisexuality in college that seeing this movie for a class didn't help me figure it out. I was deeply affected by it and fixated on it for weeks after seeing it, but it didn't get through the thick shell of obliviousness I had built up around myself.

A connection to personal experience

There are quite a few ways that Desert Hearts resonates with my own experience but one really stood out to me this time around. [Spoilers ahead.] When Cay goes to see Vivian at the hotel where she’s staying after she leaves the ranch, she goes for a last-ditch, Hail Mary move—she takes off her clothes and climbs into Vivian’s bed. At first Vivian tells her to leave, but then she softens a bit, clearly interested but conflicted. Then this moment happens.

I related to this so much. When I fell in love with a someone who was (at that time) presenting as a woman and it started to look like I might actually have a chance, I had so much anxiety about whether and how I could be intimate with my crush and whether I’d be able to “perform” decently. It turns out, as we learned when we compared notes sometime later, we had each had the same worry and we’d both bought an instructional book about lesbian sex (I think it may even have been the exact same book!).

I think part of my anxiety back then stemmed from the prospect of starting from scratch with a new set of practices and skills after being acclimated to sex with men. It made me feel like I was off balance. But when I actually did get close to my crush, another, much more pleasant side to my inexperience came up. It turned out that not having a familiar script for what to do made me much more present and gave me a sense of freedom. I remember thinking that it was like going from traveling down the same old route to exploring a new place that we had to write our own maps for. And that was pretty exhilarating.

Soon after that relationship happened, I read Zami: A New Spelling of My Name by Audre Lorde. There was a passage where Lorde described something very similar from her own life. In this passage, she’s reflecting after her first sexual encounter with a woman after having a similar set of anxieties.

So this was what I had been so afraid of not doing properly. How ridiculous and far away those fears seemed now, as if loving were some task outside of myself, rather than simply reaching out and letting my own desire guide me. It was all so simple.

She’s so amazing at evoking these feelings, isn’t she?

I can’t think of any other places I’ve seen this type of experience discussed besides these two. (I’m pretty sure others exist, but the fact that I haven’t come across them suggests there aren’t very many.) There are plenty of stories out there about hetero sex performance anxiety and its eventual resolution, but I think the queer version of this kind of learning has some big inherent differences that go way beyond the genders of partners being different. So it’s really nice to see it come up here, and be handled in such a sweet way.

In case you’re wondering, once Vivian is able to “let her own desire guide her,” in Lorde’s words, she also finds that her fears were misplaced. The resulting love scene is beautifully executed even by current standards. It’s even more remarkable to see it in a film that was released in 1985. It’s equally remarkable that this sex scene was shown in rather explicit detail.

about, by, and/or for?

I'm also thinking about this movie in terms of the for/by/about queers typology that @wen-kexing-apologist came up with a while back. In my estimation, Desert Hearts belongs right in the center of WKA's Venn diagram. It's about queers, of course. I'd also place it in the "by queers" category. The director, Donna Deitch, who also co-wrote the screenplay, is an out lesbian. It's not clear whether the other co-screenwriter was queer. Her personal life was mysterious enough that it seems like a definite possibility. And the movie is based (somewhat loosely) on a novel by Jane Rule, who was also an out lesbian and whose work as a writer was very focused on lesbian characters.

I'd also consider this movie to be "for queers." It was marketed to a wider audience, of course. But as I watched some of the bonus material and looked at writing about the movie, I saw a lot of evidence that Deitch made the film for her community and they embraced it.

Shaver had a really lovely story in the featurette I watched about this. I forget the exact nature of it, but she described how she attended some kind of event with Deitch and Charbonneau where the audience was full of queer women who gave them an incredibly long standing ovation that she found very moving and helped her see how impactful the film had been.

I’m also sure Deitch had queer viewers in mind (at least in part) when she set out to fill a glaring gap in Sapphic representation. In an interview with AfterEllen, Deitch said, “My goal was to make a lesbian love story that did not end in a bisexual love triangle or a suicide. Because that’s all that had been made at the time I set out to make Desert Hearts.” (Note: I’m not linking due to transphobia concerns regarding that site but folks should be able to find it easily if they look.)

In summary…

If you haven’t seen Desert Hearts yet I really can’t recommend it highly enough.

(And yes, that’s Denise Crosby from Star Trek: The Next Generation sitting beside Jeffrey Tambor.)

#desert hearts #queer cinema #donna deitch #helen shaver #patricia charbonneau

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secretgamergirl · 2 months

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Consider cloning one of these games...

So the other day someone was showing me the trailer to some neat new indie game they were getting into, and my immediate thought was "that does look pretty nice but FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING! INDIE DEVS, PLAY A SECOND GAME ALREADY!"

Presumably you've already guessed this, but it was a nice little handcrafted thing that was very plainly inspired primarily by Super Metroid. Even had those bubble-looking platforms. I'd say what it was specifically, but I already forgot the name, because, you know, I've kinda seen a few games do this before.

It's not like Super Metroid isn't one of my favorite games of all time, obviously. I'm one of the shockingly few people who played it when it was new and totally fell in love then. And it's also not like there aren't several games made in its image that I also love. It's just that there's way too damn many of them out there for anyone to play, and while I'd never be one to tell someone not to make the thing they want to make due to market saturation or whatever, I kinda feel like we're doing a huge disservice to our collective creativity and appreciation of classic games to all be so hyper-focused on putting our own spins on this one particular game, especially when it kinda knocked things out of the park back when this wasn't a genre it was just this one super cool game with, among other things, a compelling structure to it.

Like, I do love that Super Metroid became A game that's served as a focal point for indie devs to try and recreate. Back when it was first released it actually sold kinda terribly by Nintendo's standards, and didn't really have anything else out there trying to iterate on the concept until we eventually got the Castlevania series going that route, and Cave Story. But at this point, yeah, Super Metroid has been all canonized and studied to death and if you're the sort of person who cares about this sort of thing in the slightest you know all about how it ticks and the appeal and what other ways the basic premise can be pulled in. So it's well past time for people to take another game that's super great and fairly unique and use that as a jumping off point to make some new things. So I'm just going to ramble here a little about some real gems that nobody's ever really gotten around to trying to replicate.

Punch-Out!!

I want to say we're all familiar with Punch-Out!! but... are we? It's a famously difficult game, so odds are good you've seen speedruns or other challenge runs, but you really have to play it for yourself to see what's so interesting about it. A big part of the initial appeal of course was having these really expressive screen-filling characters, which isn't something we're lacking now. It's also real twitchy, basically unplayable towards the end if you're dealing with any sort of input lag at all, which isn't super unique these days, but structurally, the way it's coded, there's all this weird artificial drama to it.

Like, on the surface, it's a pretty straightforward thing. Enemies have tells for their attacks, you dodge those, you hit them in the resulting openings. But there's also the round based structure, knock-downs, and one-off gimmick mechanics in the mix. Officially, we're playing by the rules of boxing where the outcome of a match is decided by either knocking someone down and them not getting back up, knocking them down three times in a round, or running out of time and having to go to some judge's decision. But that's not REALLY how it works.

There's no random chance of someone going down and staying down. You've got HP meters, you take one down, your opponent falls over, waits until late in the count and gets up, forcing you to drain that HP down three times before the round ends, and if yours bottoms out, you get to mash buttons to stand up and have your other two chances. But then there's times you CAN take someone down, not only keeping them down for a KO win, but even getting there without your opponent bottoming out on HP first. The most famous example, I believe of both of these, being Bald Bull's charge. The big dramatic make or break where he just keeps using this special move which isn't terribly hard to dodge, but deadly if it connects, and dodging doesn't really help as he won't stop until the round ends, and then might spend the whole second round doing nothing but. You need to take that risk, and get that frame perfect stomach strike just before he connects to dramatically KO him and snatch victory from the jaws of defeat... or you can do this:

youtube

I was actually looking for an example of the all or nothing strike when I found this. If you don't face the charge in round 1, he gets into it sooner in round 2 to force the matter, but if you're still not confident enough to go for it there, turns out you can just drop him early into round 3 and have him stay down... and the only real consistent rule any of this follows is drama. Heck looking at the opening screen here, this person knows tricks for getting a KO on at least the first 10 opponents. Most of them I've always just taken the TKOs on myself. Point is though, the mechanics really run on drama. AI scripts change up if you move onto new rounds. Knock-downs turn into knock outs if and only if it fits a certain narrative. This sort of thing is super fascinating to me. Makes me want to look through the game's code line by line. And the only thing I can think of in any other game that even comes close is, of all things, the Ace Attorney series, with those scenery chewing meltdowns, and scattered scenes that "break the rules" with instant failure penalties or no-win situations where you're then suddenly saved by a friendly NPC's dramatic appearance.

I wouldn't suggest anyone literally try to make a Punch-Out!! clone. There's no real reason to stick to the boxing framework. I'd definitely advise against copying all the broad stereotypes. But there's a real unique soul to the drama-driven mechanics breaking stated rules I'd love to see people really digging into to gain a deep understanding of it and apply that to original games.

Yume Kojo: Doki Doki Panic

I'm not just being pretentious and refusing to say Super Mario Bros. 2. When it was Mario-ized, there were two huge changes- A run button the original FDS game didn't have, and the fundamental structural change of just having you finish levels with whatever character you like (or use warp zones to skip them entirely). In the original game, in order to see the proper ending, you had to play each and every level with each and every character with no run button. And that's neat, actually.

See, just as an example, there's a bit of a skip early on in both versons of the game, where you can avoid taking a door through some whole area by just leaping across a big waterfall. In Super Mario Bros. 2 anyone can do this, just needing a running start, but in the original release, there are no running starts. Either you can jump that gap by way of good airtime, or you can't. Depends which character you play as. Everyone has different stats, so being forced through the same full set of levels, there's a few little things like this where you have to alter your strategy to reflect the character you're running with at the time. That's cool. The whole mechanic of lifting things and throwing them, or riding on enemies' heads, or stacking blocks to reach higher areas or block fireballs, this is also just cool (and another thing SMB2 tweaked actually, play both and see for yourself).

I have seen literally one indie game that riffed on this idea, Curse of the Crescent Isle.

Umihara Kawase

If you've played it, you know. If you haven't, please just watch this speedrun:

youtube

Nothing has physics quite like this game. Nothing really has the same weird mildly distressing dream sort of tone to it either, or weird as hell branching level structure, or the weird system where the game has a time limit, but rather than giving a game over just makes it end after your current level. Other games have played with grappling hooks, but nothing I've ever seen has made me feel like this here is what they were going for.

Altered Beast

You know, I don't even particularly LIKE Altered Beast. I always thought it was a bit too short, a bit too simple, and still somehow it felt like you were just killing time until getting the power-ups that kinda make you invincible for the rest of the level.

youtube

There's... something here though. Somewhere with these bodies getting so bulky and beefy with no change to their heads and the voice samples and the sense of spectacle to it all, and yeah the dramatic gameplay shifts with the power-ups. I don't quite know what the secret sauce is, but if you find it, bottle it up, and slather it over something less shallow, you might really have something there.

Ecco the Dolphin

youtube

There is such a weird mix in the whole series of new age hippie save the whales vibes and genuinely disquieting horror just kinda seamlessly blended together. So much of it is the sound design, but the claustrophobia, the weird sense of speed, the constant pressure of drowning or suddenly being in the face of some huge nasty thing that'll basically one-shot you. The... unspoken but pronounced notion that this is set in a world where all of humanity died and are totally unremembered. There's a hell of a lot you could do with any of this, and the only game I can think of that comes close to hitting the same notes is Subnautica. Actually for that matter...

Subnautica

I don't want to get into what's so great about Subnautica here, because the most common sentiment I hear from people who have played it is they wish there was some way they could play Subnautica for the first time, again. Just... yeah. If you haven't already, play through it all completely blind, and if you can think of how to recapture all of that, do it, and put it in my hands without a word.

X-Com Apocalypse

So... X-Com is a truly amazing game that to this day feels like a unique enough beast it also wouldn't be bad to try and learn from, but there's actually a good number of attempts at clones already, none quite seem willing to get into the same levels of complexity, and there's the whole remade Firaxis series with a simpler take that a lot of games are using as a template. But Apocalypse? The original third game? That tried to do a lot of new and different stuff. I don't know how much of it didn't work vs. how much is secretly amazing if you internalize how it works vs. what's sort of half-baked per se, but there's some real ambition with mixing the original's tactical intricacies and destructible terrain and such (which somehow works even better with the realtime mode this one has), with this living breathing city. You aren't intercepting UFOs on a featureless world map. You've got a whole separate combat engine on a persistent map where stray shots can damage roads and cause long-term problems because the supplies you order get shipped via trucks that travel on those roads. Tons of factions you ideally want support from but can go attack and rob if they feel like lost causes. A tech tree with really dramatic progress and early discoveries that are either double-edges swords or genuinely just terrible things to try to use.

And then the endgame is really neat because instead of just one big final mission, you flip the whole script, and suddenly you're invading an alien city, picking targets to wreak havoc on and ultimately destroy, one by one. Incidentally this also did headcrabs before Half-Life so... I feel like it should be better known just for historical context.

Shadow of the Colossus

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I know this is kind of a big technical ask, but why the hell were we not FLOODED with a whole generation of grandiose setpiece-y boss rush games after this first dropped? Perhaps more than anything else on here, someone really needs to get onto scratching this specific itch again, immediately.

I could totally keep going, but more importantly I'm sure you had some game that really left a mark on you that's been largely forgotten since, which I don't even know about, and you should really, if you're up to it, try and teach the world about it and how great it was by blending the old with something new of your own.

Just... draw from wider pools of inspiration, people.

#game design #inspiration #indie games #lost gems #punch out!!#doki doki panic #ecco the dolphin #subnautica #shadow of the colossus #altered beast #umihara kawase #x-com apocalypse #when I say 'play a second game' don't you dare just go play Dark Souls too #Youtube

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keikakudom · 6 days

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Agsudisg I'm so glad you liked it, Kazi, I literally sat down the moment I finished reading and started drawing cuz you freaking killed me, I MEAN, vox being stubborn and denying help, and Alastor stubbornly giving him the aid he needs, but crouched in their respective toxic egos and self-image? So delicious. Alastor, who needs to know why he was left behind, and vox who's desperately pouring himself into the new thing... Ahhhh...

The part where he implies he really was running off to die...and Alastor goes all soft...the shared frequency, the antenna petting... I reread that multiple times bc it's so good...and the claws, the claws, vox denies wanting help from alastor to the last, but the claws!

(also we tots need full seasons and reruns of 'Let's Shit on Vox', I bet Alastor even encourages to call in with more info, not that anyone would bc they're too scared. Hey, does carmilla have to listen his obsession LOL)

Btw for the artist questions, if you want, 9, 14, 30?

YOU NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME GUSH, ES AAAA...oh lemme tell you when I lock-in, i do NOT fuck around with toxic old men yaoi. When I get better at writing, I hope to capture all their glory✨

I have never really written in this particular weird genre, I don't even know what to call it? Disgustingly intimate love/hate? At least, that's what I aspire for it to be XD

Heheh the part where "Alastor goes all soft" is also a little on the part of RR!AU characterization, so it's a bit exaggerated. He's trying to ween his way in appealing to Vox again, but RR!AU Vox is just so tired. Alastor keeps bringing up the past....This was kind of a wacky scenario to write because it does skip/make you infer a lot of stages of development, but the AU is close enough to canon that I think it's not far to imagine filling in the gaps hhh....

LMFAO yes, Alastor def encourages call-ins, "The 'Let's Shit on Vox' show, your one-stop opportunity to diss Hell's most saturated overlord!" -- on the rare occasion someone actually called in, Alastor killed whoever said something off about Vox that wasn't to his "flavor" of hate.

Carmilla has already read through these two idiots and just rolls her eyes at their immaturity. If she's there for Alastor's radio show, she's just in the background, utterly done and convinced they're playing everything up for entertainment at this point. Now that has me thinking, if Alastor ever started feeling something unfamiliar and god-forbid genuinely *good*(????), he would probably consult Rosie or Carmilla for it first........and Vox would ask Charlie.....oh..........

Aaaand Artist Questions under the cut, TYSM for the ask <33

9. What are your file name conventions?

I have terrible file organization. Many of them are named "a", "aa3", "asgv", "fhgh", or other random keyboard smashes. Recently, I have a bad habit of naming files "sketch1", "sk1", "skht1", or some misspelled way-- it's gotten so bad I'm up to "sketch22".... I find things by icon only.

14. Any favorite motifs?

Straight edges and shapes, maybe? I started drawing with an anime style though I'm mostly into western media-- I think it's very satisfying to have nice shape design/silhouettes though, but I don't draw in a super cartoony or exaggerated style so it's kind of hard to tell that I like and have fun doing it. I'm kind of scattered and like to dip my foot into everything unfortunately.

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated?

None really, but if I had to pick one for HH, maybe this one.

For my older art, definitely this one. I mean, I don't love it anymore, but I really thought I ATE with the concept at the time.

#ask #flonautilus #you are giving me so much nice words of confidence sobs

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linkspooky · 11 months

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Buffy Season 2, Episode 17 Passion Thoughts

Welcome back to my Buffy retrospective where I give my long, rambly thoughts on certain episodes. Passion is another episode that shows how season 2 of Buffy took the show from being a fun, urban fantasy show to a long running story with IDEAS and THEMES and THINGS TO SAY.

Passion is an episode that both has a self-contained theme it explores within the episode, like how lie to me is about lying to yourself, and at the same time contributes to the whole of the season 2 arc involving Angel and Buffy's relationship. It's got some deeply dark things to say about both characters.

1. Angel

It's impossible to talk about this episode without mentioning the spoiler. I made it the banner image of this post. This is the episode were Angel kills Jenny Calendar.

This is more than just a fridging, it's a turning point for Angel's character. It's no coincidence that the season 2 ending episode Becoming pt. 1 focuses on Angel's origins while Becoming pt. 2 focuses on Buffy learning who she is without her friends and family. You could say that Season 2 is just as much about defining who Angel is, as it is who Buffy is.

In season 1, we eventually find out that Angel is a vampire without a soul but besides that twist and his action of staking Darla he doesn't really do anything of importance to the plot. He's not a fully explored character at that point, if anything he's just a trope. A brooding, anti-social vampire trying to redeem himself for his past. At that point Angel is exactly what he says on the can. You know what his role in the story is supposed to be, romantic figure, and Buffy's love interest but there's little you could say about Angel the person. What does he like? What does he dislike? What's his favorite food?

Season 2 could have just continued with having Angel play the love interest, but it decided to go there instead. Over the first half of season 2, the more you learn about Angel's character the more the audience is pulled away from the romantic image of him. Before he even becomes Angelus, Angel often violates boundaries with Buffy. In reptile boy Angel brings up their age difference and then Buffy brushes it off. In Lie to Me he deliberately goes behind Buffy's back to investigate a former friend of hers without telling her. While at the same time he also deliberately conceals his relationship, and every terrible thing he did to Drusilla, because he didn't want her to dislike him for it.

The age difference between Buffy and Angel, Angel's tendency to talk down to her because of that age difference, his lack of respect for her boundaries, even things like watching her sleep, these things happen in the first half of the season and they seem small and easy to dismiss because genre. Angel's a vampire so of course he's older than her, that's just how these stories go. Angel and Buffy have this amazing tragic romance going for them, so of cousre they don't have to do things like communicate. I find it funny that Buffy brings up the idea of just getting coffee with Angel in Lizard Boy and he finds it so difficult. Why? Probably because it'd just be a normal date. Which doesn't fit for the whole tragic gothic aesthetic of their supposed love story.

Which is what makes Buffy and Angel's relationship, and Angel's character in particular fascinating to me, because in a sense it's like both of them are roleplaying in a relationship. Characters in story constantly bring up and talk about Buffy and Angel like they're some tragic, forbidden love. Buffy constantly brings up the difficulty of being in a relationship with someone who's supposed to be her worst enemy, and often very simple arguments in their relationship come off like they have life or death stakes.

Angel: You just wanted coffee or something? Buffy: Coffee? Angel: I knew this was gonna happen. Buffy: What? What do you think is happening? Angel: You're 16 years old, I'm 241. Buffy: I've done the math.... Angel: You don't know what you're doing. You don't know what you want. Buffy: Oh no, I think I do. I want out of this conversation. Angel: Listen, if we date, you and I both know one thing's gonna lead to another. Buffy: One thing already has led to another. You think it's a little late to be reading me a warning label? Angel: I'm just trying to protect you. This could get out of control. Buffy: Isn't that the way it's supposed to be? [Angel pulls her close] Angel: This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you...you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after. Buffy: No. When you kiss me, I wanna die.

This is another quote from reptile boy, and before this Buffy was jsut trying to ask him out for coffee. Buffy and Angel both dramatize their relationship. Angel says "This isn't a fairy tail", and yet while he was the one who points out their age difference he still acts like he was controlled by an overpowering love at first sight for a sixteen year old girl. He tells Buffy later on in season 3 how he loved her from the first time he saw her.

That above quote mirrors a lot of the early foreshadowing in season 2 in regards to Angel's turn to the bad side, there's the unpleasant reality in Angel reminding them of their age difference, and then Buffy sweeping it under the rug with her romanticism. Which is the big twist of season 2, and of Passions in particular. Angel is the dark, brooding romantic hero until he's not. Until he's the villain.

Jenny's death signals that turning point for Angel, because yes Buffy is traumatized and humiliated in innocence, but it still ends on a slightly triumphant note of her recovering just enough to kick angel in the balls even if she still can't finish him off.

Think of watching Passions as an unspoiled member of the audience as it was airing though. Imagine being deeply invested in Buffy and Angel, and thinking while what happened in Innocence was terrible for Buffy that wasn't Angel's fault it was only because he lost his soul. At this point the audience is still likely rooting for the two of them to get back together. Angel turning into a leather pants wearing, smoking bad boy who's now an enemy to Buffy just adds some delicious angst to the ship, right?

At this point Angel turning evil still sort of adds to the forbidden romance allure of their relationship. That idea is still romantic and appealing to the audience... at least until it starts having a body count.

Passions is the episode that shows us that no, Angel is not coming back. Not only that, but it makes us question whether or not we should want him back in the first place. Every single one of Angel's actions in this episode are things he did earlier in season 2, that got ignored because of the romantic lens both Buffy and the audience were judging Angel's actions by.

The age difference that Angel brings up in reptile boy, and Buffy dismissed, is now a problem. Angelus appears in front of Buffy's mother as a "college boy" who she slept with once, and then broke up with who then resorted to stalking her.

Angelus: Did buffy tell you about us? Joyce: She told me she wants you to leave her alone. Angelus: I can't do that. Joyce: You're scaring her. Angelus: You have to help me. Joyce. I need, I need to be with her. Y-you can convince her. You have to convince her. Joyce: Look, I'm telling you to leave her alone. Angelus: You don't understand, Joyce. I'll die without Buffy. She'll die without me.

Angelus' lie to Joyce isn't even that far from the truth of his actions, because he spends the entire episode tormenting her because he's unable to rid himself of his obsession. Behavior which, even Spike finds a little bit weird.

Spike: Are you insane?! We're supposed to kill the b¡tch, not leave gag gifts in the friends' beds. Drusilla: (cuddles her puppy) But, Spike, the bad teacher was going to restore Angel's soul. Spike: What if she did? If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack. (gets a look from Angelus) I love a good slaughter as much as the next bloke, but his little pranks will only leave us with one incredibly brassed-off

In Lie to Me, he asks Willow for permission to enter her room. Then te two of them snoop on one of Buffy's old friends who suddenly reappeared in that episode behind her back. That action seemed harmless at the time, but in Passions because Willow gave him permission earlier he's able to enter her room and kill all her fish as a sign he's been there.

In Passions his habit of sneaking into Buffy's room while she's unaware is no longer romantic, when he is leaving drawings of her sleeping in her room to let her know he broke in and could have killed her in her sleep at any time.

The romanticism of Angel's actions are peeled back, and the dangerous reality is shown to the characters.

Angel is the narrator of the beginning and end of this episode, and you could say this episode is all about understand what's going on inside his head. If you take the role of the romantic hero away from Angel, then who is he exactly?

Angelus: Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir, open it's jaws and howl. Cut to even later in her room. The camera closes in on a sleeping Buffy. A shadow comes across her bed, and a hand reaches over to stroke her hair with its fingers. The camera pans over to the person, and it's Angelus, sitting on the edge of her bed and looking down at her. He continues his narration as the camera pulls out for a shot of him sitting next to her while she sleeps. Angelus: It speaks to us... guides us... Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have?

The last line "What other choice do we have?" speaks a lot to Angel's nature. Just like he acts like he is swept along by passion, he also acts in general like he's swept along by a bigger story. Angel is no longer buffy-whipped Angel. He's no longer playing the role of the brooding, romantic love interest, and yet he still talks about everything like it's taking place within a story.

Angelus pretends to be Buffy's clingy ex boyfriend in front of Joyce as a joke, saying I need her, I need her, acting the role of a spurned college boy and yet, Angelus is equally as obsessed and deperate about their love as Angel was towards Buffy. He doesn't just kill her, despite Spike telling him to stop messing around and do that.

I asked again and again who Angel is, but watching this episode this question isn't easy to answer. Angel's not trying to be a person, he's trying to play a role. He's just switched from the love interest, to the villain. Angel still sees himself as a character within a love story, he just decided to be the villain now.

However, Angel was always like this. He was never capable of having a relationship where he and Buffy go out for coffee because he wasn't trying to be a person. Angel wants to be someone greater than who he really is... and that's why this episode is about the extremes of love, about being possessed by grand sweeping emotions.

Angelus: Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. Angelus: If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace, but we would be hollow. Angelus: Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

In the closing narration Angelus talks about how much is missing without passion in our lives. The same Angelus who was judged by a literal machine able to detect humanity to have 0 humanity whatsoever. The same Angelus who loathes having a human soul. The same Angelus who when possessed by a ghost that forced it to enact its final goodbye to its lover, immediately showered himself afterwards and scrubbed his skin raw because it made him feel too human.

Angelus hates anything to do with love, and feelings and wants to torment Buffy for making his souled self love her. That same Angelus claims that without passion in our lives we'd be truly dead. Which means in Angelus mind, love and passion are not the same thing.

2. Dead Girl Walking

Which is where I loop right back to the start. Buffy and Angel are both characters who speak often about how in love they are, while in the same breath complaining about how miserable it makes them. Why then, do they get involved in this big, epic love of theirs if it seems to hurt them far more than it ever does mend them?

The answer of course is in Angel's monologue: without passion, we'd be truly dead.

Angel and Buffy both use narrative as a coping mechanism for their lives, which is haunted by death. Angel, because he's literally a 200 year old undead man. Buffy because she is the slayer, and so not only does she deal death, but people constantly die around her. Buffy herself who will probably die young.

Buffy and Angel are both staring at a hopelessly bleak reality. So, they romanticize it. They are also both incredibly isolated. Angel, because he is 200, and Buffy because she is a 16 year old with more responsibility than any adult around her. They both have a longing for companionship that would release them from their isolation, along with a fear that no one would truly "Get it."

In such a circumstance it makes sense for both of them to lean into the storybook aspects of their relationship. They both feel like they are completely cut off from the world around them. In the Season 6 episode Gone, spike just describes that as being dead.

SPIKE: Not too put off by it though, are you? (drinking) INVISIBLE BUFFY: No! Maybe because for the first time since ... I'm free. She tosses the sheet aside. Spike looks around, trying to figure out where she's going. INVISIBLE BUFFY: Free of rules and reports ... free of this life. SPIKE: Free of life? Got another name for that. Dead.

To be cut off from the world, to be isolated from your peers, is to be symbolically dead. Which probably makes you feel pretty dead inside. Buffy doesn't want that. She even sings a song about it.

Whatever, I don't wanna be... Going through the motions Loosing all my drive I can't even see if this is really me And I just wanna be... alive

Buffy frequently talks in later seasons about how she being the slayer makes her feel like she's turning to stone, but it really starts here. Giles even make a comment in the episode that Buffy can't allow herself to be ruled by her passions. It's the only time the word 'passion' is mentioned in the episode outside of angel's narration.

Giles: Buffy, I-I understand your concern, but it's imperative that you keep a level head through all this. Buffy: That's easy for you to say. You don't have Angel lurking in your bedroom at night. Giles: I know how hard this is for you. (gets a look from Buffy) All right, I don't. But as the Slayer, you don't have the luxury of being a slave to your, your passions. You mustn't let Angel get to you. No matter how provocative his behavior may become.

It's a scene where Buffy is understandably freaked out by Angel's stalking, but Giles instead of listening to a scared teenage girl tells her she has to calm herself down and act rationally about this. In this scene Buffy's not allowed to just feel fear like any other teenaged girl in her situation would. She's not, because she has to push her feelings down to be the slayer.

In fact this is topic for another day, but you could say a lot of Buffy's inability to process her emotions from later seasons come from the fact that Buffy was never allowed to just sit there and be afraid of the 200 year old man terrorizing her and inflicting psychosexual trauma on her. She wasn't even allowed to think of herself as a victim. In fact, on a couple of occasions, some people (Xander) acted like everything Angel did was Buffy's fault for sleeping with him.

Buffy never gets to be the scared girl that she is, because she's continually called by both the situation and the people around her to be a slayer. In a season where Buffy is the target of the stalking, and the one getting traumatized she still has to be the brave heroine for the sake of everyone around her because she's never allowed to be the victim.

Because, look what happens when Buffy fails to be the hero.

Jenny dies.

Something which is not Buffy's fault, but is a consequence of her decision not to kill Angel when she had him cornered in Innocence.

Which just speaks again of the weight on Buffy's shoulders. It's not just Buffy who's getting stalked this episode, Angel drags everyone around her into it, as a play to get at Buffy. Buffy has to make decisions that will result in people dying if she makes the wrong one, so of course she isn't allowed to be emotional or ruled by passion. She has to shut her emotions down and act as the Slayer.

However, living life without those emotions just isn't living. The end result of all that emotional repression is Buffy feeling like she's dead inside. So, she seeks some kind of escapism.

Feeling SOMETHING is better than feeling nothing. Even if that something is slowly torturing her, she'll take the misery and grief romance brings her over nothing at all.

Which is why Buffy and Angel act out such a fairy-tale like love, because they're both seeking some kind of escapism from the isolation their lives bring them. However the thing about stories is they don't hold up to reality. You date a person, you don't date a prince, or a vampire, or a character from a story.

Having a relationship with a person requires things like communication, rules, boundaries, neither of which Buffy and Angel have any healthy idea of. Buffy because she's a teenager, and Angel because he's a socially awkward vampire who's been eating rats for a hundred years.

They are both completely inexperienced with any kind of healthy relationship, so any relationship they get into they end up being drawn to what they know. For both of them, it's once again the death and tragedy that seems like it's a constant in their lives. Buffy has no idea what a relationship even is, but being with Angel makes her feel a whole bunch of things, and she's familiar with the constant pain and anxiety from watching her parent's disordered marriage so that makes her go "Yeah, this is it!"

The Thanatos and Eros symbolism in this episode is especially heavy too, to the point where I could make a whole other post about it. That being Freud's theory that all of life can be divided into the life instinct Eros (drive for consumption and recreation) , and the death instinct Thanatos (risky behavior, aggression, reliving trauma).

Sex and death are overlaid frequently in this episode, and in past episode too in regards to Buffy and Angel's relationship like Innocence.

Angel: Spike, my boy, you really don't get it. You tried to kill her and you couldn't. Look at you. You're a wreck. She's stronger than any Slayer you've faced. Force won't get it done. You gotta work from the inside. To kill this girl… you have to love her.

When Angel snaps Jenny's neck he says "This is where you get off..." Which is an obvious sexual inuendo, while at the same time being an inuendo for death. While he's holding her to snap her neck, it looks like a lover's embrace. After he does it, he pants and groans.

Angel flits between making suggestive comments and making violent ones the entire episode. His goal is to kill Buffy. He's a predator, being a vampire, and yet not only does he get compared to a sexual predator (a stalker / older man sleeping with a younger girl) but he acts like one in front of Buffy's mom.

When Giles discovers Jenny's body, he's tricked at first to thinking that Jenny has planned a romantic surprise for him and is waiting at the bed because Angel went to the trouble to dress the whole scene up and leave rose petals at the door. Giles thinks his lover is waiting for him in bed only to find a corpse, and the camera cuts to Giles standing still outside the room as the police arrive with the opera music in the background still playing.

Sex and death, sex and death, it's a constant theme in this episode and obviously for Angel they are practically the same thing. Not only does Angel view relationships that way, he also inflicts that kind of love on Buffy.

Which is I think the most important part of the episode, because so much sexual violence has become inflicted on Buffy she sort of starts to mirror the way Angel approaches sex and sexuality too. Buffy too, doesn't really see love, just passion. Buffy too, will later go out of her way to see out the most torturous romance possible because she doesn't know anything else.

Jenny is the victim of this epsode, but Buffy is the greater victim of Angel's passions and it will effect her in the story long after this.

#buffy summers #angel #angelus #buffy the vampire slayer #btvs meta #buffy the vampire slayer meta #buffy the vampire slayer theory #buffy the vampire slayer analysis

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daemour · 1 year

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Pairing: Jaebeom x gn!Reader (platonic ??)

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 561

Warnings: cursing and thats it

Summary: For his birthday surprise, you take Jaebeom somewhere special and miss an opportunity to tell him something important

this was supposed to be for jaebeom’s birthday but i got daestracted with other deadlines and a hongjoong fic lol

“Hello…” Jaebeom mumbles incoherently, voice rough from answering your call two seconds after you dialled his number. “This is Lim Jaebeom.”

“Beom, I need you to come outside,” you say into the phone, voice shaking as you try to hide your excitement.

“Why?” His voice is still slurred, and you find it cute just like any other day.

You sigh through your nose. Jaebeom is not as bad as your mutual friend Youngjae when it comes to being woken up, but he’s bad enough and it being three in the morning does not help matters at all. “Pleaaase? It’s so cold outside.”

You can hear the pout in your voice and you know he can too because he groans and you can hear his bedsheets being kicked off his body. “You’re fucking insane. I’ll be out in a moment.” He hangs up in the middle of your victory cheer and you smile to no one in particular. It’s his birthday and you planned a surprise for him that you hope he would like.

“This better be good,” Jaebeom grumbles as he steps outside his apartment complex, pulling a jacket around his shoulders. “It’s cold and I wanna go back to bed.”

You laugh. “Okay, big baby. Get in the car, it’s warm. I need to show you something.”

“Can I sleep in the car?” You slap his arm but there’s a hint of a smile on both of your faces.

He does indeed sleep in the car, which is very expected behaviour of him. When you finally reach your destination you poke him awake and he seems just as disoriented as usual. “You took me to a cliff? You woke me up for this? Oh my God, I’m going to get murdered by my best friend, I hope this makes headlines.”

You laugh, shoving at him. “Dude, you’re so whiny. Get outside and look up.”

Jaebeom does a spectacular eye roll before opening the car door. “Oh, my God,” he breathes and you grin triumphantly.

“I told you so, dude! You’ve never seen stars this bright before, right? Seoul sucks for this kinda thing so I looked up where to best see the stars.”

“This is amazing,” Jaebeom says excitedly, shaking his head in disbelief. “I never thought it would be this beautiful in person. Thank you.”

You look away bashfully. “It’s not a problem, dude. Happy birthday, Beom.”

Jaebeom looks back at you with a shine in his eyes. It’s an image you want to keep in your mind forever. “You’re amazing.”

There are only so many compliments you can handle from Jaebeom before letting your crush overwhelm you so you just laugh it off with a joke. God knows how long you’ve liked him but you’d rather ignore your own feelings in case it all goes horribly wrong.

“Now you just have to do something just as nice for my birthday then,” you tease, elbowing him. “I expect fireworks.”

Jaebeom smiles and elbows you back but something has changed in the air and you don’t know what it is. And instead of confronting it head-on like you probably should, you just turn away and continue having a fun night with your very best friend and nothing more.

Maybe one day you will work up the courage to ask him out, but you’re content with being there for him now.

#got7writerscollective #k-vanity #wkcnet #got7 #got7 fluff #got7 fanfiction #got7 fanfic #got7 x reader #got7 jaebeom #lim jaebeom #jaebeom fluff #jaebeom fanfiction #jaebeom fanfic #jaebeom x reader

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archandshri · 2 months

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8th March ‘24 - [arch] colour!!!! community!!!

Hey Shri! <3

Wow!!!! I’ve seen the finished Brothers Lionheart cover already, but those thumbnails are just incredible. I know you plan to move away from the dark/horror vibes of those images but they’re so impactful!! For sure save those compositions for something else. You’ve put so so much thought into those compositions, it’s inspiring me to put that level of thought into my images too. It's nuts!!!

So y’know how the plan for this blog was to take it easy and do a little at a time? Maybe just pop in and update each other on what we’ve been working on, or even what’s been inspiring us? Well, we haven’t exactly been taking it easy have we :// At the beginning of writing this I thought it was gonna be a chill one but,,, it turned out not to be.

I was lucky enough to be back in Cardiff for a bit the other week, so I hit up the Riso studio. It was super lovely seeing everyone - really made me realise the value of having an artistic community. (for context, I have been travelling recently and it’s been weird, after uni, to not be surrounded by other illustrators)

About once a month, my shared print studio has an event called Open Haus, where we’re open to the public but also loads of members will come in, have a cuppa and a biscuit and talk about art stuff. I happened to be doing some riso printing and Gavin, who’s a right babe and an excellent riso artist, was once again giving me a hand. I love working with other people in the studio, bouncing ideas off them. It sometimes helps me get out of my head (though with practice, I’m also learning to do that by myself!)

Here’s a bit of development work for the print I did a few days before printing. It was actually a bit of development for my comfort characters’ home - but as you know i love building my skills through fun things like that! Trick yourself in to improving xD

This is the print I made!! It’s titled ‘Space Fyn’, named after a place I associate with home <3

I ran into a bit of an issue with the blue, which I originally planned to use. Once I printed it, I hated it (blehhhhhh), so! We tried a mint out instead. I still didn’t like it. But thankfully, Gavin did this thing where he made me step back and view it from afar and then I liked it again (this has happened twice now I think I need to learn to step back without his help ://) Also, there were about 10 people in the studio, and they all voted on the mint, so I printed a run of 15! (ps. you can order them by dming me on Instagram)

Later, I was showing a friend the progress and she made some great points. The dark blue gives more of an evening vibe, while the mint gives more of a sunrise vibe, a bit brighter. But also, it totally changes the tone! This has led me to think more about how different colours can be used for particular vibes :0 and how can we bend that and make it more interesting than ‘red danger’ and ‘blue sad’.

Some notes I took from our conversation

Looking at colours in particular genres (they are used differently in specific ways in different contexts)

for example in Westerns, good guys wearing a white hat and bad guys wearing black hats - misc characters wearing brown.

Light sabres in Star Wars very clearly symbolising ideology

Characters attached to colour - she uses blue and red to symbolise characters that oppose each other in some way, for example.

Character designs, using colours that match well for more grounded characters, and colours that clash for more unstable characters

Power rangers!!

What colour is your ‘normal’ for the world? And how will specific characters break that or blend in?

All of these are just prompts and thinking points of course, it’ll take a lot of exploring to know how i want to apply these to my work.

I was lucky enough to attend Plymouth Comic and Zine fair!!!!! (this is me :0 !!)

It was very lovely, I really enjoyed seeing people from uni, the general Plymouth illustration scene, and those few illustrators you know but only really see at fairs. I also got the opportunity to have some awesome chats about illustration (shoutout to that one hermitcraft fan who let me ramble about Minecraft builds and setting design for a bit <3). I had a chat with the wonderful Ben Wright and Jess Holloway about colours, especially in narrative, and here are some ideas I took away from that!

They didn’t have any specific suggestions for books about colour and narrivite, but again, film came up! Colours in film are discussed a lot, and vary a lot in genre, so i’ll have to do some looking into that.

In particular wes anderson might be good to look at

Hero by Jet Li - haven’t looked at this yet

How to take colour that we may associate with a particular feeling and instead make it do something else. (eg. how to make blue happy)

Colour in context with shape and composition

I was very excited after PCZF and got hyperfixated on a little drawing. You and I were chatting about folds in clothes at the fair, so this image was to play with that a bit.

Yes this is an image of my favorite block lady. I love her. [Illustration of GeminiTay, along with her season 10 skin]

I decided to use the colour pick tool from my reference for accurate colours, which I don’t normally do. I do have a habit of going too light with my values, and a bit swampy and desaturated with my colours. When I started with her trousers, I thought it was wayyyy too dark, but I decided to stick with it till the end anyway. Even though it clearly worked in the reference image, I was still surprised it worked on mine. This has proved to me that it’s okay to push and use some darker colours - which is a bit scary but I’m going to give it a go.

'messing around with colors with imp and skizz' by @applestruda

I also saw this incredible image by @applestruda using wonderful colours! This led me to play around with some high-saturation images. I wanted to draw one of GeminiTay’s builds with the spooky vibes she’s been trying to capture. I downloaded applestruda’s image, colour shifted the hue to one that fits the energy I wanted to capture, and used it to create a high saturation colour pallet. This is a great starting point since I’ve never worked with this kind of colour palette before - it gives me a starting point rather than drowning in indecision and cluelessness XD

Here’s a timelapse of the study!

Once I’d finished, I hue-shifted them for some alt colours. I find this a helpful process for figuring out colour stuff that I would never consider normally. I think I like these more, actually. The one with the reddish wood and green accents feels like it has the vibes of the original image, but is exaggerated a bit. I think it pops. And the pink is cool. I think I could have pushed the values further again, but I'm pretty happy with the final images.

So those are my colour thoughts over for now - I’m hoping to keep playing but use of colour is for sure a lifelong skill.

The past few weeks have been so awesome. I’ve just been so so moulded by conversations with my artistic community and it’s been so lovely!!! I’m really enjoying running around the country and visiting all my pals. It was so nice to see you at PCZF and I’m looking forward to more of it!!! :D

Ps. Here are some sketches I did at the fair

Can’t wait to see more lionheart lil guys :0

Archie <3 :)))))))))

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hyungseos-cafe · 4 months

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the letterbox series ; chapter three - protective

paring: the boyz sangyeon x gn!reader

genre: time travel au, fluff, angst

warning: mentions of teasing and bullying

word count: 850

taglist: @deoboyznet @winterchimez @mars101 @cloverdaisies @uwu0clock

series masterlist

The living room looked as if it was from my childhood– wait, childhood? I stood in the living room which was now filled with childrens toys. The walls were painted a muted yellow with white window drapes.

It felt familiar, like from when I was younger–

“Y/n! Where are you?” The loud voice shook me from my thoughts, the voice seemed oddly familiar, almost as if it was coming from my childhood friend… Sangyeon?

“Y/n! There you are, we’ve been looking all over for you” Sangyeon wrapped his arm around my shoulder, I appeared much younger and more jovial. This wasn’t right, why am I here again? Why am I back in the house, why am I younger and why is Sangyeon here?

I went along with the flow, partaking in whatever activities that were prepared while questioning why I was there. The thought of grandfather kept plaguing my mind, what happened? The memories of the previous day before coming back.

As soon as I set my grandfather’s journal back on the ground, that was when everything changed– I was younger. My childhood best friend was back, and I was there to see him, but why?

It was not until night came where I finally began to connect the dots. I traveled back in time to see my childhood best friend; Sangyeon.

Sangyeon was my very first friend when my family moved into the neighborhood. We were utterly inseparable, completely attached at the hip. The day my mother said we had a new neighbor, I ran outside to greet said neighbor.

We became fast friends, best friends even! The next morning, I awoke to Sangyeon knocking on my door, apparently we had school today. I pushed the blankets that once kept my body warm to the side and washed up. My mother had prepared us breakfast in the kitchen before rushing us out the door to be picked up by the bus.

“Good morning squirt!” Sangyeon smiled, his pearly whites shined bright in the sun

“Stop calling me that! Just because you’re my best friend doesn’t mean you can call me that”

“Of course I can!”

Sangyeon and I were always put in the same classes in school, the teachers loved us together because we always had the best ideas. Although we were also known as the dynamic duo, we were always causing a ruckus.

We became even closer when the kids in our school began to pick on me. They made fun of me because grandfather had “run away”, what a darned thing to pick on a kid, amiright? They even had the audacity to say my shoes were ugly, well news for you kid, so are you!

Anyways, back to the story! Sangyeon has always been like a brother to me. He was fun, mature and very kind, especially to my mother.

On one particular school day however, the boys at school were picking on me again, but this time, they had a different motive

“Sangyeon doesn’t like you” One boy shouted

“He thinks you’re dumb” Another one chimed in and soon enough my ears rang with the incessant remarks the school boys threw at me “Was it true?” I thought to myself. The image of him leaving my side practically haunted me.

After the bell rang, I ran to find him, deciding to confront him about the situation no matter how heated things may get.

“Sangyeon” I inquired, gently kicking the pebble under my shoe before turning around “Do you think I’m dumb?” The question stung the poor boy more than it should have, his eyes began to water as he turned away. His shoulders began to drop, almost drooping from the sudden change in the environment.

“Wh– who said that?”

“The boys did, the boys from class did” I stomped my feet, arms flailing in anguish

“They’re wrong! I lo- Like yo–”

“You love me?”

Sangyeon huffed, sweat slowly dripping down the nape of his neck, his mouth ran dry and he was speechless, “What have I done?” he thought to himself.

“No, you were just hearing things! What a funny thing to say, right?”

“Yeah, haha” Your heart broke, why did he say that?

“Let’s go home! I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

The walk home was silent, almost eerie as the conversation ran through your mind. The prospect of him liking you back excited you, but unfortunately he didn’t seem to think that way.

The following morning, a letter had been delivered to Sangyeon’s door

“Sangyeon,

I have to go, you won’t see me again. I’m sorry, I have to go. I love you, but you probably won’t love me back. I will see you in the future. Please don’t forget about me, okay? If I meet you only to find out that you forgot who I was, I have every right to kick your shins, okay?”

The letter read, his heart sank again, why did she have to leave?

That same morning, Y/n woke up again to the same basement, but this time, it looked different, again. Was this deja vu?

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gatalentan · 11 months

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We love and support your AvaMel side but I always laugh when I see something about them bc I remember that Janelle’s tweet 🤣🤣

Ok so for those who don't know, Janelle got tagged in an AvaMel ship fanvid, and replied to one of the quote retweets on that fanvid. I've censored op here for privacy:

Two things can be true:

1. Janelle is allowed to be weirded out by being tagged/seeing ship content. That's her face & those are her co-workers. She's a very private person who mostly keeps fans at arms-length and that's healthy. Ava isn't Janelle, but she has her face (and so does Lisa), so fanvids in particular when accompanied by an explicit caption I can imagine would be really weird to see. As fans we know the diff between real-person and fictional shipping but from her perspective you can see how that would be more nuanced and complicated. Unfortunately, the Twitter algorithm now puts stuff on your feed - regardless of if you follow them or not - based on how it has pigeonholed you, and as a person who sometimes tweets about Abbott/Ava because it's her job, the algo assumes shes a fan and dishes up Abbott fandom content to her whether she likes it or not, so she sees stuff she doesn't wanna see even if she isn't tagged; she wasn't tagged in that QRT, but she still saw it, so we can see that's what happened here. A big problem there is that seeing stuff that makes them uncomfortable can make actors change how they approach the character(s) in future which sucks for everyone. We can't control the algo but on the whole it's better to not try and expose actors to ship content as much as possible because there's scores of ships where the actors became hostile to shippers as a result of being repeatedly exposed to content they don't want to see, or even just getting fatigued by an unintended ship overshadowing the rest of their acting effort. Unfortunately social media giving a lot of access to celebrities is a very double edged sword and difficult to balance, especially when some actors (cough lisa cough) are so far over the line of what's considered normal fan interactions that it gives unrealistic expectations for celebrities that are more private. Actors aren't your best friends, they don't owe you interactions or unconditional support just because you're a fan, they're strangers and real people with their own thoughts and feelings. Everyone has their own limits and boundaries and are allowed to express that and they're entitled to not be comfortable with fan work that uses their image.

2. Actors/creators not supporting a ship doesn't mean we still shouldn't be allowed to play in the sandbox. Work Wives isn't gonna be canon either, but that's not going to stop me from enjoying it. I'm 32 and if I didn't ship stuff just because it didn't have creator support I'd have spent twenty years with nothing to ship at all. As queers we have to carve our own space out where we can see people like us and make a meal out of scraps because otherwise we wouldn't get to engage with media the same way cishet people take for granted. Unless a show is Queer™️, a vehicle for a character's queerness and a major topic of discussion, we rarely get canon queer characters, let alone characters where it's treated respectfully without one of the pair getting fridged or dying. Even The L Word, Queer™️ as it was, killed off one of a major pairing. We deserve to see ourselves across the whole spectrum of genres, not just in Queer™️ TV, but it simply isn't there, so we make it for ourselves in fanwork. In fanwork you can play with these characters however you want. You can give them a soft landing where they're safe (or the opposite, explore darker themes for a light-hearted show). You can give them the type of stories that would never have the space to breathe in the works they came from. You can take them out of their environment completely and put them somewhere else, you can change one thing that changes their whole dynamic, or you can just write absolute filth. Either way, fundamentally they're fictional characters, they do not exist and they don't have free will, only what you put into them as a viewer. We're not about to make Janelle make out with Lisa, but in fiction, Ava and Mel can, and as fictional characters they represent a dynamic we don't see a ton of with two older women, not teenagers/young adults which is the predominant type of representation we get for WLW in TV. So I'm gonna keep shipping AvaMel, I'm just, y'know. Not gonna put it where Janelle might see it. Easy.

Some good vids on this topic: Is Shipping Gay Culture? (James Somerton) | Artists & Fandoms (Philosophy Tube) | Parasocial Relationships: Strangers Aren't Your Friends (Naomi Cannibal) | An Exhaustive Defense of Fanfiction (Sarah Z) | Why We Ship Characters (The Take)

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dailyrandomwriter · 17 days

Text

Day 592

I have been procrastinating on writing about the hidden object game, Abyss: Wraiths of Eden for two weeks. In fact I haven’t even noted it in my gaming journal (which I think I need to rethink how I use said journal, but that is a problem for future me).

Hidden object games are always a hit or miss, because they’re the equivalent of buying one of those 100 page (with 12 point font) youth books (think Goosebumps, the Baby-Sitters: Little Sisters series, etc). You never quite know what you’re going to get, but if you buy enough from a particular genre you can make a few good guesses.

From the name alone and the store page cover art, I had assumed I was going to be playing a mystery, suspense hidden object game probably set in some old vintage timeline judging by the female lead’s clothing. The fact that the images showed something similar to the design of Bioshock (underwater city and all) made me think of the 1960s.

Here was the thing, all of the set pieces were very much 1960s Bioshock like design in terms of backgrounds and settings, but the characters and the narrative which landed the main character into this world was more modern 90s. Also mind you, this was a game released in 2012, which was the era of very uncanny 3D character models, so there were issues.

But I’m here for the game play, and narrative. Sure the narrative is kind of tropey (uncovering lost ancient supernatural secrets), but you play these types of games for the comfort and to unwind. Even if it’s a suspense driven game, because hidden object games are great for tense moments and the occasional jumpscare.

After the 5th goddamn jumpscare I decided I wasn’t going to play this game anymore. I don’t mind jumpscares in hidden object games, they’re very well suited for that, or surprise changes to the set dressing. However, it got to the point where I would just lean back and tense up when I knew I would be forced to backtrack because that was when it would happen. And there wasn’t anything fascinating or even story driven about the jumpscares, it was just me trying to go somewhere and then a cutscene would occur, and having that happen several times is not great for me.

So I didn’t finish it, which is frustrating because in terms of how it works mechanically it works well. It just couldn’t enjoy the story, between the weird inconsistency about the setting and the too many times I got startled. I'm just not into this.

#Abyss: Wraiths of Eden #hidden object game #hidden object games #sometimes you just don't like a game

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dragonomatopoeia · 9 months

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Do you have any recommendations for zines?

I ended up writing a pretty long front-matter to this ask, so I've put it all under a Read More. If you only want the resources, feel free to skip to the end

So: I am always going to be a little too pedantic and autistic for a comprehensive, unambiguous rec list. Someone asked me what my favorite book was once, and it felt like my brain stalled and rebooted five times.

Don't get me wrong! I love putting specialized recommendations together, like puzzle-box mystery novels, or horror genre video games with thematic emphasis on grief, or documentaries on sewage treatment

But I am very, very bad at recommending general purpose Media full stop. alas I am a fussy and particular creature who hisses at five star rating systems on review websites because I think using the same Quality Metric regardless of genre and medium and purpose is Silly

Making recs gets even more difficult with things like zines, where they are small press by nature. A lot of my favorite zines are DIY projects with Very Small Distributions. One of my prized possessions is a small, hand-drawn zine of one hundred cats the artist drew with their eyes closed, which they gave to me for free because they liked my shirt. But that's a zine that means something to me because of circumstance and taste and my own ability to pick it up in person

Your mileage tends to vary with this stuff. If I found a Repo The Genetic Opera zine that ranks every organ in the human body, I have friends that would love that WAY more than I would, and I'd probably send it their way. If I found a zine about Gundam and gender and disability and idealized bodies that have been shaped into weapons, then I have dozens of friends I would need to send copies of it to, but that wouldn't make it any less niche. Zines are for VERY specific audiences. That's one of the best things about them!

That Being Said! There ARE popular, more-accessible, or more well-known zines and artists with broader appeal, and I mean that in an enthusiastic, complimentary manner.

I've even seen zines being advertised on my tumblr dashboard. Zines like:

Oh No! A kidpix zine by Louie Zong (Pay what you want- all proceeds donated to LA Foodbank)

Golem Zine is a publication by and for Jewish creatives living in areas where Jewish life is challenged. Their Out West issue sold out before I could grab a copy ($10 per issue, physical)

FYMA: A Lesser Key to the Appropriation of Jewish Magic & Mysticism goes hand in hand with the previous zine, I think (Pay what you want)

But you're more likely to get something that caters to your specific interests and artistic sensibilities by getting in touch with your community members, asking friends who have similar tastes, or checking out some of these resources:

Your Local Library (I'm being serious here-- your library likely has connections to local artists, galleries, resources, and e-resources that can set you on the path to zines you'll enjoy)

Any local art walk or small press events near you (your library can help you find these)

Itch.io's Zine Tag (Adding more tags will help you filter these)

Papercut Zine Library's Virtual Library

Internet Archive's Zine Collections

The DC Punk Archive Zine Library (Specific to punk and DIY interests, as you might imagine)

The Library of Congress Online Zine Web Archive Collection

QZAP (The Queer Zine Art Project)

POCZP (People of Color Zine Project-- and they're on tumblr!)

Hevelin Fanzine Collection (Literally a bunch of sci-fi, horror, and fantasy fanzines that were all collected by one guy which are now being digitized)

From Staple to Spine: A Compendium of Zine-Related Books (This doesn't have zines itself, but the books included can be a great starting point for where you should be looking and what will be of interest to you)

I also recommend making your own zine! It's fun to make things and put words and images on paper.

And if you downloaded the bundle for Racial Justice and Equality off itch.io, you already own the Electric Zine Maker (Warning for brightly colored, glitched, and moving visual elements that may cause eyestrain. I would also be wary if you're prone to migraines)

I know this has been a Lot and I got a bit carried away, but I hope that this helps you in your quest for finding cool, obscure art made by people who care deeply about niche topics. Personally, that's my favorite kind of art

#asks #anonymous #recs #resources #should i tag this as research aids. i feel like this is now a research aid

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