#i don't think i'm some kind of expert on gender things but... i just find it interesting to explore. the psychology of it. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chansabsfanclub · 10 months

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Han NSFW Alphabet

genre : suggestive smut, gender neutral reader

word count : 1477

warning : suggestive and some smutty content

A/N : Han is my bias so I had lots of fun with this, I'm sorry I took such a long break from writing, I hope you enjoy this addition to the NSFW collection.

After care :

Jisung's super goofy and loving, giving lots of kisses all over his partners face. He'll give compliments and cuddle them tightly, he wants to make sure they feel loved, while keeping the mood light and fun.

Body (favourite body parts) :

He loves his hands, how they look on his partners body and when they hold his partners neck and face. Jisung would love his partners booty, he'll rub it and praise them about how hot they are and hold onto it tightly during sex.

Cum :

Messy when he cums, he loves cream pies but only if his partner is on birth control or has a kind of contraceptive, or anal.

Dirty secret :

He hides how Horny he actually is because he thinks it would scare his partner if they knew how much he jerked off and thought dirty thoughts. Until eventually him and his partner got close enough where he didn't hide it anymore.

Experience :

This man will brag about how he has alllll the experience in the world, he makes it sound like he's the sex expert, but in reality he is relying on the corn hub for his information, and when he actually gets to the down and dirty part, he'll get awkward and make jokes to cope. Very little experience in other words.

Favourite Position :

Doggy style all night, he can grip his partners ass, pull on their hair, fuck them as hard and roughly as he can, and he finds that the position makes him cum the hardest, it also helps him reach his partners most sensitive spot inside.

Goofy :

Jisung is extremely goofy, especially when it comes to sex, he'll sneakily go in for a motto boat, he'll be teasing and laughing and it helps his partners relax as well if they're nervous or shy, he's easy going and thats what helps make him so lovable.

Hair :

Jisung will do a complete shave every couple of weeks, then let it grow out, it's a lot of work to keep it constantly shaved down, so he has a little routine going where he'll take everything off and then let it grow out, then repeat.

Intimacy :

King of PDA, from making cute faces to holding hands and cuddling on a bus ride to home, he will actively show affection to his partner no matter what. He has his limits though, cute PDA is good with him, anything sexy or promiscuous would make him too embarrassed and awkward.

Jerk off:

He will find the time to do it every day at least once, maybe twice if he feels like it. His sex drive is crazy and his horny levels are insane, so he's jerking off a lot which doesn't help his case. Don't worry, he's not an addict. Yet.

Kink:

He's not the most kinky out there, he has a few such as back scratched, he'll beg his partner to dig their nails into his back as he fucks them, as well as pet names and such. He's pretty open to new things though.

Location:

Anywhere in the house with a solid surface. You're taking a shower together? He'll make you hold onto the wall for dear life. In the kitchen making breakfast, prepare to be lifted onto that counter. As long as there's no one else in the house Jisung will initiate something anywhere.

Motivation:

His motivation is his hormones, you could be sitting on the couch watching tv and turn him on. His dick has a mind of its own, so in terms of motivation he will be motivated anytime there's an opportunity.

No :

Noooooo public sex, not for him and never will be, he'a a huge flirt but he also has his dignity he's not willing to risk just to get down and dirty. He'll stay away from public spaces when it comes to naughty stuff, only closed off locked spaces will do.

Oral :

His best friend, hes a rapper his tongue knows how to move, he can do oral really well, and he also enjoys seeing your mouth wrapped around his dick as you suck him off.

Pace :

He can do any pace depending on the situation. He's the master at quickies, and if it's slow and sensual you want he can do that too, but he might get carried away and fuck your brains out.

Quickies :

Jisung is down for a quickie anytime any day, his high sex drive needs tending and there's not always time to get sensual, quickies are his best friend.

Risk :

Is Ji the most risky person out there? No, he'll get super embarrassed if someone were to walk in on something, so he keeps his risk fairly low just to keep SOME of his dignity. But, he wouldn't be opposed to a quick blowjob under his studio desk to take his mind off his projects.

Stamina :

He has pretty good stamina, we've all heard him rap, his tongue can work miracles and he has enough stamina to make you cum on his face. He can last around 15 minutes if it's slow and sensual, but if it's a quickie he'll get both him and his partner cumming in less than 5.

Toys :

He feels a but intimidated by them, he's 100% supportive if his partner wants to use them, but he'll get a bit scared if anything super extreme were to come out and be suggested.

Unfair :

He teases, I know he teases, you know he teases its a universal thing. He'll be dangling sex in front of you like a feather toy to cats. "Hmm, should I fuck you? I don't think you'd like that. I guess we won't fuck." And other stuff like that.

Volume :

Jisung is vocal, he's not screaming or anything, but he can't help but mutter out a "Yes baby" or "You feel so good". He'll even let moans slip out of his mouth as he gets closer to his release.

Wild Card :

"Hey Ji, I'm here, I stopped by the convenience store as well." I called out to my boyfriend as I entered the studio. It was late and Jisung was stuck on a song he desperately wanted to finish. He had texted me to come keep him company since Chan and Changbin had already went back to the dorm.

Jisung turned in his chair to face me and smiled widely. "I'm so glad you're here! This is killing me." He fake cried and opened his arms for a hug. I giggled at him and went over to hug him tightly. I sat on his lap and he turned back to his computer.

I watched as he worked for a while, his shoulders would tense and then relax, and his face would scrunch and he'd hold his breath, eventually releasing it after finishing something. He was super stressed, and I have an idea how to help him.

I got off his lap and slid under the desk, his face turned from confused to excited really quick. "Baby, are you gonna..."

"Shh, keep working." I interrupted him, he went back to his project, my hands went to the band of his sweatpants, tugging them down slowly, he lifted his butt so I was able to brings them down to his feet, his dick in his underwear was already starting to get hard, it was just too easy with him.

My hand gently rubbed his dick through his underwear, I could hear him let out a sigh as I pressed down lightly onto him. My fingers teased at his underwear, slightly tugging them down just so his tip was showing, I brushed my thumb over it making him quiver slightly.

"I thought this was supposed to be a stress relief." He jokingly said, his breath caught in his throat as I took his whole cock in my mouth.

X-ray :

Jisung gives off average dick energy. He's my bias okay, so I'm being completely honest, he doesn't have the biggest dick energy. I'll give him 6 inches, with a bit more girth, but nothing crazy, he knows how to use it though, from all the jerking off.

Yearning :

He craves sex, we've been over this. When it comes to sex drive he could make it from one side if Canada to the other.

Zzz :

Passes out right away, after they've finished, he'd wrap his arms around his partner and cuddled them to sleep, passing out right away.

#stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids fanfic #m.list #stray kids masterlist #skz fanfic #han jisung #han skz #jisung smut #stray kids reactions #stray kids #stray kids smut #stray kids fanfiction #han jisung smut #han jisung stray kids #han jisung imagines #han jisung x reader #jisung x reader #jisung imagines

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rollercoasterwords · 5 months

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hie rae! i have query/a dichotomy about gender and shit that i would love you to share your thoughts on (if you feel like it, no pressure!). i remember someone once called you something like the "resident tumblr smart person" and you also seem knowledgable about gender (do you do gender studies?) but first i just wanted to say how much i love your fanfics! they're some of my favs ever honestly and thank you so much for writing them!

i remember someone once called you something like the "resident tumblr smart person" and you also seem knowledgable about gender

ok, so basically one of friends was staying at my flat a few days ago, i mentioned (jokingly) that i feel like a bad feminist when i shave my face but that i hate having hair on my face too much to not shave it. for reference i'm a brown cis women who has a fair amount of facial hair and i have been shaving my face since i was a teen. my friend (who's trans) pointed out that she also shaves her face regularly but that for her, its a form of gender affirming care and so would it be possible that its also that for me?. we're both really interested in gender and the elements of performance in it and so we spent ages talking about it and couldn't really come to a conclusion. the thing that i was wondering about especially is that when i do shave my face, it doesn't really feel like its affirming my gender - it feels more motivated by insecurity and the desire to conform. so do you think it would be possible that for cis women it is possible for shaving to be gender affirming or is it all a product of our socialisation/ the beauty industry?

sorry for the mess that this ask is, i hope you can understand it! thanks! 💙💙💙

hi!! ty 4 the kind words i'm glad u like my fics <3 and i do in fact study gender studies lol there are of course many people v knowledgeable abt these topics tho it's not like i'm the foremost expert etc. happy 2 be ur tumblr smart person 4 the day tho & happy 2 share my thoughts!

so in the first place i don't necessarily think a distinction between trans/cis is useful here in determining whether something can/should be considered "gender affirming," nor do i necessarily think there's a strict dichotomy between "gender affirming" beauty practices versus "it's just socialized" or whatever. every woman is going 2 have different experiences with & reasons behind shaving, and oftentimes those differences will not map neatly onto a binary of trans/cis in which one side always finds the experience affirming and the other does not. additionally, all beauty practices are socialized in the first place & will often engender a mix of feelings that don't fit neatly into "this is 100% affirming" versus "this is absolutely not affirming in any way."

i think it's easy to say "shaving is just patriarchal conditioning for women and we need to stop to be good feminists!!" but that sentiment also fails to recognize that many women derive very real economic and social benefits by conforming to beauty standards, and many women furthermore find it necessary to shave to mitigate violence they might otherwise face. it doesn't mean it's a good thing that these standards exist (beauty in and of itself is always a tool of power imo), but it also makes it, in my opinion, kind of pointless to quibble over whether it's "feminist" to shave or not; each person faces their own set of material conditions that they have to navigate. also, the things an individual person chooses to do with their body hair really don't strike me as incredibly important in like...the grand scheme of Feminist Action, y'know? the entire question seems to lie more in the realm of like...personal feeling & decision making, and in that instance i am a supporter of total bodily autonomy. everyone picks and chooses their own battles when it comes to what beauty standards to adhere to; i don't shave my body hair, for example, but i'm scheduled to undergo a cosmetic surgical procedure in a few months, and for me there isn't a clear divide between the medical/gender affirming/socialized beauty standards reasons that i've chosen to do so. physical pain is one factor, but i'd be lying to myself if i said that i haven't been socialized to think about gender & the way it relates to my own body and appearance, and that that isn't factoring in as well. even if surgery is "affirming" for me, i still don't necessarily know that i'd call it a feminist action so much as something i'm doing to make my body easier to live in.

anyway, all that is to say--no, i don't think shaving makes you "a bad feminist." and i don't doubt your friend when she says that shaving is gender affirming for her. you both have different experiences when it comes to shaving, though, and if you've reflected on this and don't feel like shaving is something you really want to do, then maybe consider seeing what it's like if you stop--not to become "a better feminist," bc again, i don't think whether you personally shave is going to make or break Feminism, but bc it might make you happier. personally, my experience when i've stopped partaking in certain beauty routines or practices is that there's a period of insecurity at first which slowly fades as i've realized that most people really don't notice all the things about my body that i do. but that's my personal experience; if you decide to stop shaving and find that there are conditions in your life that make it too difficult, it's not worth agonizing over if you decide to start again, or to shave sometimes. in general i think this sort of individualistic emphasis on whether or not every single thing a person does is "feminist" is not useful tbh, nor do i think personal feelings of empowerment or affirmation are the best yardstick 4 measuring whether a certain action is "feminist"

#ask #ranting and raving #<- putting this here since this answer is like. long. not really a rant tho #in general i am pro reflecting on and acknowledging the motivations behind why we engage in particular beauty practices etc #but like. everyone engages in some way let's be real. it's just up to each person 2 decide to what extent & by what means they engage #so while i find it grating when people uncritically claim that things like shaving can be 'feminist' if it just 'feels empowering'#i find it equally grating when people get on high horses abt not shaving or place it in this like. hierarchy of beauty practices #hopefully this all makes sense...

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arcplaysgames · 1 year

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Oh Teddie. Buddy. I saw how you sucked face with Kanji, you can't fool me.

Rise, do you..... not..... have a gaydar? Rise, do you not know? What else don't you know, like, do you not know about Chie and Yukiko? Oh, girl. Are you our token straight? I think she might be.

Also, I don't thing i can find the caps, but Rise constantly negs Kanji in combat. She can't seem to have a chill interaction with him. It's funny but also a bit aggravating. Like, can you kids play nice?

What am I saying, of course not. These kids are incapable of it lmao.

This dumb fucker hurled himself in on purpose knowing we'd bail him out, I just know it. If smug was a motorcycle, he's a fucking Knievel.

Naoto's little corner of TV land is a secret laboratory out of some Man From UNCLE classic spy stuff.

It has, without a doubt, the worst exploration music in the game so far. Jesus christ.

ALSO TEDDIE IS... IN A CHEERLEADER UNIFORM. okay. sure. I got cool clothes for everyone. I like Kanji in the Tatsumi Textiles work clothes, and Reverie is dressed as an ouendan member! OSU! goddamn i love those games.

Cuties. Everyone is adorable.

ALSO CHIE CAN DROP BY MID-BATTLE TO SLAM HER SCOOTER INTO AN ENEMY AND KNOCK THEM OUT OF THE MATCH? Amazing.

oh my LORD.

Naoto's Shadow is kind of amazing. One, the VA performance is great, swinging between a very sad child constantly on the verge of tears to a VERY over the top theatric rendition of a mad scientist. The oversized floppy sleeves are a fabulous touch on the physical design. This one is something special compared to all the others.

pops gum loudly

This bit is very good.

Admittedly, it's very interesting to reach Naoto and his shadow after hearing about the whole thing secondhand for, at this point, over a decade. I'm not going to bring anything new to the topic and, frankly, I'm waiting to see how Naoto's social link plays out to get a full read on what's going on here.

Because, obviously, surface level read of the whole this is more than moderately disappointing. The gender essentialism and the repeated idea that you cannot change your gender is more than a little eye-roll-inducing. And it chafes pretty badly against Kanji's entire SLink, which I finished after this dungeon and will recap later but does revolve around eschewing the simplicity of labels.

I'm kind of struggling to pin down why I'm not that mad at this handling. Part of it is obviously that I've set my expectations low for Persona as a whole so that I can have a lot of pleasant surprises when it exceeds those expectations.

But also, the entire Naoto thing is a very sticky situation. Because I think that the Western audience for these games doesn't understand the gravity and density of the sexism in Japanese society. And I'm not an expert in this! But lets say that I do know a thing or two from a friend who does understand it. And it suuuuuucks. Naoto is entirely right to be torn up about this duality.

The people he works with would 100% absolutely no question discard his opinions if they saw him as a girl. Yep. I fully believe that and the weight of that anxiety on Naoto is crushing, clearly moving him to tears. But on the other hand, presenting as a man to avoid that pitfall, the other anxiety of "mimicking those same men" and having to justify their bullfuckery is also incredibly heavy.

Naoto has no clean solution. And if we posit that his reason for being a guy is rooted in that fear, that's... a bad reason to go fulltime Guy Mode. When you opt into your gender, it should be out of love for the thing, in my opinion. There should be something like relief in "yes, I am this gender!"

I don't see that here. But, on the flipside, as soon as this fight is over...

I could reach through the screen and slap you, Rise. This stung me like hearing someone getting misgendered. It fucking SUCKS. Not just everyone swapping to "she" but the feminine diminutives, that's genuinely hard to hear and I personally hate it.

Anyway, back up.

I love this moment from our other team member who thinks a LOT about gender. Kanji being like "listen, just let this shit play out so Naoto has the healing process we all got too, we'll handle the battle part." LIKE!!!!! Fuckin'.... queer solidarity means saying yes, you will beat the shit out of the superpowered facade of a friend's gender demons. THAT'S what it means, baby!

ah shit out of images again brb

#p4 #persona liveblog

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sortyourlifeoutmate · 7 months

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Big fan of a Tory MP lashing out at some school over its use of something called “The Genderbread Person” – some kind of teaching toolkit, apparently – and saying how this was dangerous and so on and so forth.

I’m fan because he apparently didn’t bother to actually check anything with the school in question first, as they’ve now come out and said that, uh, the video he saw was something they used in teacher training and not something they used to teach actual pupils and, uh, also, they haven’t used it since last year. Also could you not have asked us first, bro?

His response was basically to say yeah I saw a video on Twitter and went off on one, what? What about it?

"I think we need to be very, very careful when we teach gender ideology and issues around gender identity in schools," said Mr Hunt. "I am worried about some dangerous consequences of young people being exposed to that theory, particularly when it's taught as fact."

Facts!

I am genuinely curious what negative consequences people are worried about in situations like this. I know this is all culture war nonsense and is being wielded cynically, but given that The Youth are looking forward to a planet ravaged by the depredations of runaway capitalism, few prospects, little hope, and general dismay, I’m not sure how knowing sometimes gender isn’t straight-and-narrow is what is really going to push them over the edge.

(Of course, a fresh culture war narrative I’ve seen – and delight in – is how all this wokeist nonsense is doom-and-gloom defeatism and what’s needed is a lovely bright, right-wing optimism and, frankly, they sound unmoored.)

It’s all silly. And it’s embarrassing that so much effort and fury is wasted on this sort of thing as regards teaching kids when, you know, schools are collapsing? Because maintenance isn’t cool and costs money? And also, just…

…fucking hell. You guys! You guys.

Oh, bonus:

A DfE spokesperson said: "We've been repeatedly clear about the importance of biological sex and that contested views should not be taught as fact.

Not meaning to pick nits, but isn’t the fact you’re even having this conversation kind of an indication that there are no uncontested views here, and yet you’re insisting that some of them are taught as fact? Like, you will find people who will contest your position – or does that not count?

"Following reports of inappropriate materials being used to teach relationships and sex education, the government has already brought forward an urgent review of the curriculum and is looking at introducing age ratings to make sure teaching materials are appropriate."

Won’t somebody please think of the children?!

Yeah, because I trust you guys with something like this. I'm not an expert or exactly the most progressive or enlightened person and even I think I could do a better job. You're giving the impression that we should be thankful we're allowed to talk about gay people in school, and that now people are just being difficult.

Maybe, I don't know, make school meals free? Maybe start with that. Then get back to me with whatever this is.

Off you toddle.

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multi-lefaiye · 2 years

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multi i NEED to hear about why warrior cats are not cats (at least by our standards)

ASDJKFL; alright LMAO

here we go besties let me retype my theory <3

okay uh fair warning, this has very little evidence backing it, and it's also a joke. i don't remember why i typed this up originally but i just think it's a funny thing to try and argue that the warrior cats cats aren't actually cats, or if they ARE cats then they exist in an alternate timeline/universe where cats are Very Different.

and obligatory disclaimer i don't think this is the actual intent on the authors' part. i think all of my evidence for this is just based on the fact that the authors, especially in the Early Days Of Warriors, don't seem to know shit about cats. which is fair, but i'm gonna run with it.

gonna go under the cut wahoo b/c idk how long this is gonna get

HYPOTHESIS: Warrior cats takes place in some kind of alternate timeline/universe where cats evolved very differently and are perceived very differently. Either that or these cats are fucking aliens, take your pick.

EVIDENCE:

So the most obvious evidence I have for this claim is how genetics seem to work in the series. I'm not an expert on cat genetics by any means, but there are dozens and dozens of genetically impossible characters. I'm not talking about the male calicos n' such, b/c as we all know those cats are just trans of gender. I'm talking about the sheer amount of people I see trying desperately to find a way to make the genetics in Warriors make sense, which is a difficult journey and I admire them.

Now I'll say right now--I don't care if the authors bend the rules a little for their cat fantasy. I really don't. I think Warriors is far more interesting without a strict adherence to real life cat genetics. HOWEVER, the implications are interesting to think about.

Let me list some examples, just off the top of my head (pretty much all of these relate to the red gene, which is one of the only things I know with confidence about cat genetics, don't @ me):

Yellowfang is a pure grey cat, whose parents are both orange/cream-colored. Far as I'm aware, that's not genetically possible. Also that's not even talking about her father being cream-colored with ginger legs, but I'm gonna assume he's a chimera and not look into that too deeply.

Lionblaze is a golden tom despite the fact that neither of his parents have any red/gold/cream/whatever on them. Now, if Leafpool was a tortoiseshell or something along those lines, this would all be fine no problem. But she isn't, so I'm gonna say Hey What. (Also side-note but based on my very tenuous grasp of cat genetics, I think Hollyleaf is the only cat in that particular litter whose genetics actually make some sense??? Idk you could argue recessive dilute genes for Jayfeather ig but I'm getting off-topic)

Scourge's sister Ruby should be a tortoiseshell/calico, but she's depicted as taking after her mother and being pure silver. Yes I'm aware she's a minor character who only appears in one manga, but shut up. It's my theory and I get to cherry-pick evidence.

Firestar, iconic orange boy himself, genetically speaking would not be a red cat in reality, unless you take a lot of liberties there.

I'm not gonna go into researching this too deeply but I just want to say that I don't think it's realistic for there to be multiple almost exact clones of Tigerstar I running around, even among his own descendants. Like you're telling me his genes are just that fucking powerful huh. Okay.

On the note of impossible genetics, there are multiple cats described as having purple eyes. Heatherstar and Heathertail are both described as having eyes "the color of heather" and HEATHER IS PURBLE!!!! (note: I'm aware heather can be blue sometimes, hush)

Foxleap is bright fuckin' red when neither of his parents have those genes. Just throwing that out there.

Okay this is getting out of hand, I don't know enough about cat genetics to back up this point

ANYWAY PART TWO!! BEHAVIORS!!!

So I'm not a cat behavioral expert, I will say that right now. However, from what I have read and seen, there are a lot of typical kitty behaviors that are straight up removed from the book. I'm very aware that pretty much all of those are for the sake of making a good story and also making the characters more human for the audience, and also more child-friendly. Anthropomorphizing (in the sense of making the characters relatable to a human audience, not making them furries) an animal character for a child audience while retaining their natural instincts is hard! It can be done, but it's hard to strike a balance.

All of this to say that one time I read a rewrite of Warrior cats that someone did where they included a lot more natural cat instincts and behaviors and it was interesting to learn but also highkey kinda offputting in a lot of ways. So I see why the authors did this, but I am gonna say it supports my theory that's definitely completely legitimate.

Along this note. This is my least favorite part of this theory. But it supports my point the most probably idk-

Anyway the fact that accidental pregnancy happens as a recurring thing in this series tells me a few facts, all of which I hate and feel weird saying:

These cats do not have heat cycles of any kind and can just kinda reproduce whenever

These cats are uh. Ahem. Having Fun Times together whenever they fuckin want. Going to town. Good for them.

I'm aware this is another instance of anthropomorphism with the cats. I'm also gonna go ahead and say that these plotlines would not be possible unless something's a little fucky with these cats.

(Also honestly there probably just isn't sex ed of any kind in the clans, which I understand not including but also feels like a huge oversight.)

Okay I want to stop talking about this point so I'm moving onto my next point.

PART THREE!!!!! PERCEPTIONS!!!

I'm not the only person to have pointed this out, but cats in Warriors are treated like... pests, most of the time, except by people who actually own cats. Like there are so many instances of humans doing unspeakable horrific shit to the cats and it's just... really normalized, it seems?

Like there's a moment in the Greystripe manga arc where he and Millie find a farm owned by humans, and the humans immediately sic their dog on these two cats without fucking hesitation. There's a whole fucking book about Greystripe and Millie making these humans not think cats are scum of the earth who deserve to be mauled and slaughtered.

Which, sure, you can chalk that up to that one family being really fucking weird about cats. BUT THERE'S SO MANY MORE INSTANCES I CAN REMEMBER?

I don't remember where this shows up, so bear with me, but whenever cats and humans interact in Warriors, very rarely is it a positive experience for the cats, unless the humans happen to be cat owners.

So does this take place in some alternate universe where cats are seen as pests and considered strange or unusual pets? Asking for a friend.

Okay I'm running out of steam so LIGHTNING ROUND

I get that this is fantasy but it's interesting to me how many things that are straight up deadly to real cats are used as homeopathic medicine in this series.

I know this has been brought up by like everyone ever but the kits in Warriors being born with their adult eye color and also having their eyes open shortly after birth. That's not how it works in real life. These cats are weird.

The cats in Warriors are depicted as still essentially being young teenagers when they reach six months of age, which may be true on a social level but in reality cats at that age are nearly fully grown.

These cats' lifespans? Wack. I'll go ahead and accept that the fact that these cats have pretty good healthcare out in the wild means they're gonna live a long time, and also the timeline is fucky so idk how old any of these characters are anyway, but. Well okay this point had more ground to stand on when Mistystar was alive LMAO.

MAYBE THIS IS JUST ME but it's weird to me how easily characters are able to hide pregnancies just by masking their scents. Am I missing something? Because after a whole that's uh. Not something you can hide easily. (Once again: the clans have no sex ed.)

This isn't really relevant but I just remembered that Millie canonically speaks dog and it's brought up like once and never again and I just need to know how that's possible. What's happening here.

So what does all of this mean? Good fucking question. I think the most likely scenario is that Warrior cats takes place in an alternate universe and isn't intended, on any level, to be based on Our Reality That We Live In. Which, fair enough, but yeah.

Either that or the cats are aliens, which is a delightful prospect but I don't feel like trying to prove that.

Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk

#talk to the bunnykitty #this took so long to type up jfc #bat time all the time #this is what im doing with my wednesday night huh (i'm kidding i'm not upset lol this is funny <3)#warrior cats #don't try and argue with me about this btw i'm not invested enough to care

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incarnateirony · 1 year

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Genuinely did not expect to go on a like 2 day transmasc platforming spree, but between the post, and people in server actually genuinely asking questions and stuff lately, I've been on a whole bender.

And like, it ain't like I'm an expert. The rant itself is literally about social imbalances that have completely jacked over trans conversation and pushed out the most vulnerable the conversation are supposedly here to protect and so on.

Well that and like.

I really. really wish gender never got attached to trans stuff. and i support gender and like, want everyone to have all the gender. But the lines blurred man. There's a 0.5% pop getting trampled under All The Genders. Everyone's Genders. Genders for everyone. Like yeah we we have genders too but that's not the point.

What I said that made it click for someone: You have your gender. It's cool, and great, and I want you to express it and it's special and it's yours. I have a boner. These are not the same thing.

And I just. Wish I could illustrate how difficult the conversation has come to be. Since starting this I'm not walking two people through trans journeys that FINALLY UNDERSTAND THEIR OWN DYSPHORIA NOBODY EVER TALKED ABOUT ON MAIN CUZ THATS ILLEGAL NOW I GUESS. And weirdly they're identical to mine. XYZ. Got uncomfy. Packed it down. Figured I was ace. Tried not to open schroedinger's boner box.

Yeah, I know, there ain't many of us but we're all living it and it's a pain in the ass to navigate to find the discussion cuz the gender stuff got all tangled up in it and like. Something about feelings and maybe you don't need dysphoria?

One thing I beg of in this fandom is to recognize it is still an inherently woman led space, and that you are not immune to rafical feminism. Not even if you put on a gender tag. And conveniently, there's about a bajillion of you with gender tags that have made it real hard for some of us to talk about certain problems. And then we die.

It may be my comms history making me cynical, but replacing transs*xual (after declaring it a slur like some try to delete Queer with) with transgender seems exactly like the kind of bullshit to delete a very tiny community by getting them overwashed by another that thinks it's there for Good* or Support* or whatever.

Like. If I was a psycho that hated trans people, that's basically how to do it in a media comms game. Make the old form of it Bad in name first, then in Concept (eg talking about bio stuff at all = truscum or other scary accusation), and then everything brought into the gender arts category rather than anywhere approximating the original conversation.

Like yall i love gender but you kinda really came in, trampled on the flowerbed and set up your own HOA telling the locals what to do, and there's a billion of you and like ten of us, you get how that's fucking up the social leverage even before undressing things like misandry vs rightful rage at the patriarchy. right. Like. I sure hear a lot of Gender voices in my friends that I love very dearly but curiously trans men are just. Like shiny pokemon.

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2maegor2cruel · 9 months

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Heres the oaf's political insight! So not in the Shield Islands succession context, its pre-kingsmoot, but still not very helpful. Anyhow I fully subscribe your frustration, its kind of a worldbuilding sinkhole by GRRM - I just tend to take the I think opposite approach for my daydreaming that is that if there's no Canon confirmation that a a group of siblings all come from the same mother I make a random amount of them salt sons lol. I even considered it for Rodrik Harlaw bc I Imagine there's a ton of rock daughter vs salt son inheritance dysputes and i really don't see why Gwynesse feels like she had a shot in a dispute with him if they're full siblings - but eh thats definitely One where It would have been said if It were the case and Gwynesse Is Just being metaphorical lol. Anyhow Always a Joy to see people overthink worldbuilding and I Wish you good luck on your writing and on your read of Last Serving Daughter i had a very good time with it

@hell-heron THANK YOU!!!! I could not find that for the life of me, I swear. tbh I can't tell if George legit forgot about Harras for a hot second or what. My best guess is that the assumed mutually beneficial alliance between Vic and Hotho would involve two things: 1) Hotho swings Harlaw for Vic using his influence, 2) once Vic wins the kingsmoot, he'll repay Hotho by marrying his daughter and (politically) strong-arming Rodrik Harlaw into giving Hotho the castle of Ten Towers. So perhaps Vic was low-key threatening Asha, because Rod the Reader holds a lot of political sway in Asha's favor, but if Vic throws in with Hotho, then that power is undermined? Idk, if anyone's got a better idea then please let yourself be known.

But yeah, it's frustrating. I know a stupid amount about George's ironborn lore, but it's not uncommon that I look at a particular bit of world-building, think to myself "hm. nah. that's stupid", and totally disregard it lolll. On a personal level, I think George could have done so much more to explore gender on the Iron Islands, but I just need that old man to focus on finishing TWOW. Leave the gender stuff to the experts: tumblrinas 🫡 (affectionate). Ironborn gender gets discussed a ton in relation to Theon (which is fair, considering that homeboy is a cocktail of the worst gender expectations and masculinity Westeros has to offer), but I wanna know more about ironborn women too!!

And oooOOOoo I like your salt son Rodrik idea... that's pretty spicy. I just assumed Gwynesse was an old battle axe that liked to make her younger brother's life difficult (same), but that's a fun interpretation too lol. I've had a lot of thoughts about the Rodrik-Alannys-Gwynesse sibling triumvirate of widow(er)s rattlin' around in the ol' braincase lately, and now I have something new to ponder... hehe.

Finally, it's good to hear that you liked "Last Serving Daughter"! That means I should definitely read some more of it tonight 😉 And thank you! I wrote a handful of short one-shots back when I was 15 (a dark time), and then didn't really write again for like 7 years lol. But now I'm back in the game! My confidence (and frankly, competence) has improved a lot in the last few months, and I've been having a great time! These next few chapters of The Fic will involve a lot of Iron Islands world-building, with a ton of details and character backstories that I 100% made up lol. But the important part is that I'm having fun and being myself 👍

#submission #hell-heron #i'm gonna work on chapter 28 after this i swear. maybe. probably.#let's talk about gender politics. can we talk about gender politics? i've been dying to talk about gender politics

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evilkitten3 · 1 year

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My friend is getting top surgery next month, I'm very glad that he's getting that weight off his chest. Since you've been through it all ready, could I ask for some advice on supporting him through the recovery process?

absolutely.

make sure he has someone/thing to reach the top shelf. he's not gonna be raising his arms above his shoulders for a while

make sure the pharmacy prescribing the pain meds understands that they're for treating the pain from the surgery, not for gender dysphoria. otherwise they simply will not give you pain meds. they may not even tell you that they have not given you pain meds. i recommend against finding this out the exciting way like i did (side note: surprisingly not that bad most of the time)

if it's the same for him as it was for me, he'll be on a 5 pound weight limit for three weeks, and then a 25 pound limit for another three weeks. this is going to affect more than anyone involved will realize. if he's gonna need to move anything heavy any time soon, he should do that before surgery

i had to switch to tylenol instead of ibuprofen a few weeks pre-surgery bc ibuprofen can increase risk of bleeding. if he's an ibuprofen guy, he may want to grab some tylenol just in case

i've heard different people have different experiences with the drains. for some people, that's the worst part. for me, it was pretty simple (although my mom handled most of the measuring). if you aren't going to be involved with keeping them clear/measuring the goop, try to remember to glance down every now and then just in case a cap was screwed on wrong and too much air got in there. probably not gonna be a medical emergency but you wanna keep an eye on them so they'll do their job.

does he have a ride to and from the hospital? this is a very important question bc if the answer is no, the surgery simply will not happen. they just won't do it.

what i got specifically was a double mastectomy with free nipple grafts. if he's getting the same, i cannot stress enough that the nipples will look weird for a while. this is probably nothing to worry about. they're supposed to do that. if he's still worried, he should check in with the surgeon or another qualified expert, but probably they'll just say "it's ok keep an eye on it and if it hasn't healed in [x amount of time] come back then"

he is going to be constantly reminding that all your bits and pieces are connected to one another. even the bits you aren't thinking about. it's gonna be weird.

if he has a dog, offer to walk the dog for him (or help him find someone else who can do it). dogs do not understand the importance of the surgery recovery process. don't let overly enthusiastic dogs happen to you (or in this case your friend)

get a spare binder. not the chest kind, the abdominal kind. you might wanna wash the first one (this will likely be provided by the hospital) and it's better to have two.

speaking of binders, at some point the bandages will come off. the binder will still be required (or, more accurately, highly recommended). this was, for me, Absolute Sensory Hell. i recommend you make sure he's got a few light, loose shirts he can wear under the binder just in case

this didn't end up being relevant to me, but my surgeon recommended my mom buy some puppy training pads in case of accidents (accidents is a word which usually implies pee, but here means bleeding. sometimes there be blood)

if he has cats, he's gonna need to be careful not to let them step on his chest. cats do not like being told where they can or can't step. i hope he has more willpower than i do

quite likely, he's already aware of a good chunk of this. your first step - and possibly only step - is to ask if there's anything he needs from you. if he's got things under control, have faith in him.

brace yourself for how happy he's gonna be once he sees himself topless after the drains come out and the bandages come off. i was pretty much bouncing over my reflection. the euphoria is real.

#there's also some stuff concerning scar care but uh. let's just say i'm probably not the person you should ask about that #i managed to remember to use the cream for longer than i thought i would tho so that's something #surgery tw #medical stuff #top surgery #trans stuff #i don't know if your friend is someone you live with or if he lives with his parents or alone #for me it was mostly just me and mom for two weeks #and the critters #blood mention #surgical drains #if he lives alone he may want to plan on crashing with someone else for a couple weeks or having someone else crash with him #again there are more things that weigh more than five pounds than you might expect #also taking a shower for the first time post surgery was really nice if a bit awkward #can't think of anything else rn but i'll let you know if i do #best of luck to your friend!

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squishmallow36 · 2 years

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Fathoms Below notes!

Kia ora!

First of all, let me say that, in the terms I learned from my English class this year when we read a story by a Māori writer, I am Pākehā,meaning 'different' as opposed to Māori, meaning 'same'. It's a general term for anyone who is not Māori. By no means am I an expert in Pacific Islander culture. I've just googled shit so it seems like I know something. All of my information is either from Google (search and Translate), a little bit from youtube, and a lot of the Moana Jr. script I used for dialogue reference.

Let's start with my usage of words in not-English. Most of them are in te reo Māori (the maori language), also known as te reo (the language). Kia ora (te reo) is one such example, and it's just a simple greeting. Whakatara (te reo) = a swear word that probably shouldn't be in a Disney movie. Atua (te reo) = god(s). Maero = a traditional Māori violent giant. Pulotu = Samoan/Tuvaluan place for spirits. Hongi = a traditional Māori greeting in which foreheads are pressed together in a demonstration of pure compassion. Tumatārau (te reo) = magic. Iramutu (te reo) = nephew.

Unfortunately, I don't have the patience or resources to translate all of the songs, but one of the songwriters has a website with all of the translations for you. (opetaiafoai.com)

I did have to change some words because of ugh gender in some of the songs, so to help it blend in, on the Moana side at least, I changed a little bit to Te Reo Māori. I've been listening to that version of the soundtrack for weeks on end now and it's very stuck in my head. So you get to enjoy it with me.

These are tamaiti = child. anei = here. Hua-nati = coconut. Tama = son. Te kāinga = home. How far i'll go has a lot changed so i'll let you google translate that yourself. Mihi mai rā = congratulate me (source: youtube comments. I'll find it again if anyone needs it). Taku tina = my lunch. Tēnā = please. Uia, ko wai koe = ask, who you are. Ko wai au = who am I. (Au) E hao nei = this was pretty difficult for me to find, but hao is like capture, and nei implies nearness. E is just there for grammatical purposes and au is kind of just like 'oh' i think. Taku ara = my way. Ko au a (fitzroy) = i am (fitzroy)

Also, If the songs are in quotes, then a character is singing it. All of the songs are in italics, and really short lines, which make it easier to see. Any end quotes either signal the singing has stopped or a different character is singing. Quoted songs are semi-diegetic, which means it sort of takes place within the story, but it doesn't totally, as--at least as far as I know--people don't just randomly break into song. If there are no quotes, then it is entirely non-diegetic, or background music. Note: kiss the boy cannot be physically heard by Fitz during its runtime, because crabs...can't talk...to humans...idk that's what little mermaid canon calls for, which is why it is not in quotes, but it is diegetic to Dex.

Keefe's full neopronoun set is o ia/ia/lona/lona/ia lava. This is because languages that evolved from proto-polynesian, arguably the native language of all our islander characters, really only use one pronoun that covers everybody. I am using the Samoan pronouns for this, as opposed to Te Reo Māori because I used that quite heavily for Motunui, and it gives some contrast. Te reo, Samoan, and Hawai'ian were also my only options on google translate for this kind of thing.

While I'm talking about Keefe, O ia was born in Fiji (or elsewhere in Melanesia it doesn't matter all that much) and then the gods that saved ia were Samoan, so that explains the blond hair thing. Also, on the island of Samoa, there are traditionally four recognized genders: male, female, fa'afafine, and fa'afatama. There are similar gender roles on other nearby polynesian islands with slightly different names. Fa'a- means 'in the manner of', 'fafine' means 'woman', and 'fatama' means 'man'. This doesn't quite have an exact translation into today's western terminology for gender. It's not quite trans, and it's not quite nonbinary either. In this story, Keefe is fa'afafine for reasons that mostly consist of 'why not?'

We all know Flounder from the Little Mermaid, right? So I did not utilize him very well in this, being recast as Sophie, but I did find out that blue angelfish (which is apparently the type of fish Sophie is) is a protogynous hermaphrodite. What does that mean? A female can change into a male at a certain point in their life. Trans fish, everybody! Also Sophie is probably super lost because he's supposed to live in the Caribbean, but let's just add that to our suspension of disbelief, okay?

Why does Fitz know Dex's pronouns right away, even before he knows xor name? Because it's my fic and I can do what I want. And what I don't want is Fitz to misgender Dex. Also I couldn't function with the thought of she/her Biana so ae had to be ae/aer and by that point i didn't care anymore so xe/xem dex.

While I'm thinking about Dex, I would like to explain my reasoning of why I chose xor native language to be Italian in the spotify playlist. (Side note: while Te Reo Tahiti and 'Ōlelo Hawai'i dubs of moana were made, they are not on spotify, so I was left with Te Reo Māori for Fitz's native language). There is some debate over where it takes place, but one source I saw said that Hans Christian Andersen was inspired by his travels in Italy. Also, look at Prince Eric's castle. At least to me, it feels /super/ Mediterranean. The Little Mermaid does utilize the Greek Gods (namely Poseidon) in its canonical script. That being said, the Greek dub was not on Spotify. Trust me, I tried. We're left with Italian, and it would make sense that if Ariel were to speak a human language as her native tongue, it could very well be the one Eric's kingdom uses. No, there is no Mermish version of The Little Mermaid I could use.

#First chapter released tomorrow at 10 am eastern #12 hours from now if you're bad with time zones or are outside the us #*by now i mean when this is posted #this'll get updated if/when i realize i forgot something #which lets face it is more likely than not #fathoms below

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artificertrary · 1 year

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120322 - Mid-ness

Might fuck around and use this blog for blogging.

So during my surprisingly okay Thanksgiving, I was reminded that my dad was still thinking about what I said regarding gender confirmation surgery. Though, it was kind of a mixed answer.

On one hand, I'm glad he's actually thinking about it and not immediately recoiling at the idea of me getting elective surgery to permanently change the shape of my body.

On the other, his idea is to talk to "an expert on this sort of thing" so he can get all the facts about the procedure. And the good thing is he's turning to my queer, pro-trans aunt for guidance on this to find resources.

At the same time it's a bit disappointing, I've told him he can ask me anything about this procedure, why I want it, the research I've done, but he doesn't want to go to me with those questions.

I do understand though that it's somewhat of an emotionally-charged topic, and I respect that he is recognizing that he might not be able to hear what I have to say.

Though that always feels kind of sore realizing that a parent won't listen to you no matter how might experience and research you've put in to explaining this.

It just feels like I'm being treated like a kid despite the fact that I am an adult who pays taxes and science is literally what I do for a job.

Though I am still on his health insurance so I will have to concede some things.

I think it was also not great combining with the multiple times my mom referred to me as "too sensitive" and remarked on how emotionally sensitive I was. Yet she also insisted that we have an adult relationship now?

And weirdly enough...some part of it was comforting. Being fretted over and what not. I don't always feel like I am a full adult or capable of taking care of my life...sometimes it's comforting to be treated like a kid even though it's frustrating and leads to more hurt later on.

Ugh, but at the same time, I know I am capable of living on my own and taking care of myself. It's just this script/narrative of helplessness that I feed myself that I'm too ill, too distracted, and yes, too sensitive to truly thrive on my own. And this coddling reinforces that narrative.

But I have to remind myself that my parents show care in ways I don't always recognize, and that their goal isn't to make me dependent on them. They're not masterminds, they're just people. And human interaction is messy because everyone is operating on their own assumptions and ideals.

But on a different note, my dad is in the hospital this weekend getting his heart tested. It's a precautionary thing because of some concerning swelling, but it still is a bit scary. I hope he's doing okay.

I don't think my dad handles his own mortality very well or the fragility of human existence. But it's not up to me to explore that with him, he really should just see a therapist. It is not my job to fix my parents, it never was.

But I do care a lot about him, I just need to care about him in like...a healthy way, a healthy amount of care. My mom is completely capable of having those conversations with my dad...at least I hope so.

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idontunderstandwhydoyouneedmyurl · 2 years

Text

Inquisitor as a Companion: Romance edition!

Template here. Under a cut since it's lengthy.

Inquisitor as a Companion: original post here

For Delilah Lavellan - or since she's a companion here, just Delilah.

Sexual/Racial preference: Romancable by any gender and any race, but men/qunari get less approval for each flirt option

Nickname for PC: “Ma vhenas”, meaning “my/our home”. Sometimes just “vhenas”, which is also a play on “vhenan” being an endearment meaning “heart”

Romance only mission: “Ma Vhenan, Ma Vhenas.” (Prerequisite: complete the quests "Here Lies the Abyss" and "Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts") The Inquisitor sends a letter to the Keeper of Delilah's clan via a war table mission (for Dalish Inquisitors, mission time for this is reduced 25%; time is reduced a further 25% if the war table mission “Protect Clan Lavellan and Wycome” was completed and Clan Lavellan survived). The Inquisitor explains to the Keeper that they want to do something special for Delilah, and that they would like the Keeper’s input on what to do.

The Inquisitor can choose from three gifts: a book containing all of the lore the clan has collected thus far, painstakingly written down; letters from all of her clanmates, saying how much they miss her and wish her well; or a pendant necklace from the Keeper, carved in the shape of an anatomical heart with vines wrapped around it, enchanted to help calm the mind and soothe an anxious heart. Delilah will greatly approve regardless of gift chosen, but choosing the necklace will gain additional dialogue later on where she mentions that she wears it wherever she goes.)

Dialog to being asked for a kiss: “I suppose have some time to spare. Go to our usual spot, I’ll be there in a moment, vhenas.”

Halamshiral dialog:

“I’m glad to support you, vhenas, but I don’t know why you had to drag me here. I’ve been called a rabbit twice already, and I swear if one more noble mistakes me for a servant...”

Being asked to dance during mission:

(If the Inquisitor is not Dalish) “Really? The Inquisitor, seen dancing with the Dalish savage? What will the nobility say? *laugh* First, we really ought to focus on finding the culprit behind this assassination attempt. Ask me again later, if you think about it.”

(If the Inquisitor is Dalish) “Are you certain they won't look at us and wonder why two ‘servants’ are dancing instead of passing out drinks? *chuckle* I’m kidding. Kind of. First, we really ought to focus on finding the culprit behind this assassination attempt. Ask me again later, if you think about it.”

Asking to dance post-mission:

Delilah: "I was wondering where you'd disappeared off to. Josephine is keeping the nobility at bay at the moment, but they're sure to miss you soon. How are you feeling?

Inquisitor: (stoic) "I'm fine, just tired."

Delilah: "Same here. Orlesians can be exhausting - I'm impressed that you handled this whole evening as well as you did."

-or-

Inquisitor: (agreeable) "Things turned out well, in the end."

Delilah: "Well, hopefully it means Corypheus won't be able to spread chaos in Orlais like he'd planned. Another loss you've sent his way."

-or-

Inquisitor: (aggressive) "Tonight has been awful. I'm just happy it's over."

Delilah: (slight approval) "I agree completely. The next time you ask me to come to an Orlesian party, don't."

Delilah: "I know the Court may look down on you for it, but I still want to ask. Is your offer to dance still open?

Inquisitor: (if selected yes) "Of course. I care more about you than anything the Court could ever say about me."

Delilah: "I knew I liked you for a reason."

Romance banter (what others say about it):

Sera: "If you had to roll around with someone, should you really have chosen someone so elfy? And there's the whole magic thing too. Phew, you know? Two not so great things in one."

Dorian: "Well look at you, being all cute with our resident Dalish expert. It's adorable."

Solas: (only if specifically brought up) "Oh, I hadn't really given it much attention. Your choices are your own, Inquisitor. Delilah and I have our disagreements but I don't wish her ill - or you, by extension."

What Cole says about companion to PC: “Warm sun, cool rivers, soft grass. Home cannot be replaced, but a safe sanctuary, a new security. You make her feel safe.”

Who is concerned about the relationship?: Sera is a little put off by it, since she and Delilah don’t really get along, but concedes that it’s not her business to tell the Inquisitor who they should get involved with. Solas is totally uninterested in it, but wishes the two well.

Who supports the relationship?: Most everyone else is supportive of it, ranging from general well-wishes from the Iron Bull and Blackwall to Cassandra dragging the Inquisitor aside and giving them several unsolicited suggestions of romantic things to do for Delilah.

Who had a bet running on it?: Varric, naturally. He manages to drag Cassandra into a bet on how soon the Inquisitor will propose, and somehow Dorian got in on it as well.

Banter(between NPCs):

Varric: “So, you and Sunny, eh? You two make an interesting pair.”

Inquisitor: (diplomatic) "I trust you don't have an issue with it?"

Varric: "Not at all. I just want my friends to be happy, you know?

-or-

Inquisitor: (humorous) "Do you have an opinion on who I choose to spend time with?"

Varric: "I have plenty of opinions, which normally lands me in hot water. Here, I'm just trying to keep an eye on things."

-or-

Inquisitor: (direct) "Do you have a problem with it?"

Varric: "No, of course not."

Varric: (regardless of dialog option chosen) "I just know she's been even more smiley lately, and it suits her. If you can keep it that way, you'll have my full support."

Delilah: (if present) "(teasingly) Varric, I've found a charming little nose in my business again. Any idea whose that is?"

Varric: "Ah, it does look familiar."

Varric: (if inquisitor does not choose to reply) "Fine, keep your secrets. So long as she's happy, I'm happy."

Break up:

If PC breaks it off:

Inquisitor: "I've been doing some thinking, and I think it's best if we ended this."

Delilah: (disapproves) "(visibly hurt) What's brought this on?"

Inquisitor: (if 50+ approval) (diplomatic) "I'm sorry. I think it would be better if we were just friends."

Delilah: "I see. I'm sorry you feel that way...but I suppose I'll respect your decision."

-or-

Inquisitor: (charming/humorous) "You're smart, I'm sure you can see we're not a good fit for each other."

Delilah: (slightly disapproves) "Apparently not. If there's nothing else, I need to get back to my books."

-or-

Inquisitor: (blunt) "I don't have feelings for you, I don't want to give you a false impression."

Delilah: "Well. I suppose I should just be grateful you were upfront with me on this."

(regardless of dialog option chosen, when attempting to speak with her after this conversation she will only say "I need some time alone, please" until the Inquisitor leaves Skyhold and comes back, at which point normal dialog options resume.)

If NPC breaks it off(and why):

Delilah will break off a romance if the Inquisitor reaches -50 approval, or reaches 20 points for decisions against elves:

Allows Clan Lavellan to die in the war table mission series (5pts)

Refuses to help the dalish clan in the Exalted Plains (5pts)

Sells the true account of Red Crossing to the Chantry instead of giving to the Dalish (5pts)

In "Wicked Eyes, Wicked Hearts" chooses any ending except for public truce between Celene, Gaspard, and Briala; or for Gaspard and Briala to rule together (5pts)

In "What Pride had Wrought", kills the ancient elven guardians instead of allying with them (10pts)

The next time the Inquisitor initiates conversation with Delilah after meeting one of the previous requirements for ending the relationship, it triggers a cutscene.

Delilah: "I need to talk to you."

Inquisitor: "What is it?"

Delilah: "I've been doing some thinking. I'm not leaving the Inquisition...I think...but I think we need to end this. Us."

Inquisitor: (investigate) "What's brought this on?"

Delilah: "I understand you're the Inquisitor and you're having to make some hard decisions. The problem is they're decisions that I can't condone. I still think the Inquisition as a whole is doing good work, but I can't be with you anymore. I'm sorry."

Inquisitor: (agreeable) "I've seen this coming. You're right, I think it's for the best too."

Delilah: "I didn't want to make this harder than it already was. Thank you for being understanding."

-or-

Inquisitor: (mad) "We're in the middle of a war against a darkspawn magister, and you're putting this on me now!?"

Delilah: "I know the timing could be better, but I'm not going to sit quiet and miserable just for your piece of mind. I'm sorry, but this is where I stand on the matter. There's nothing else really to say."

-or-

Inquisitor: (sad) "I see...I'm really sorry it didn't work out for us. I never wanted it to be this way."

Delilah: "I know. I'm sorry too, but I hope this will be for the best."

Love confession: (after "Ma Vhenan, Ma Vhenas" is completed)

A cutscene shows Delilah crouched in the garden, talking softly to a plant in a pot. The Inquisitor comes up behind her.

Inquisitor: "What are you doing?"

Delilah: "I've been experimenting with magic to see if I can get this plant to grow bigger so we can harvest more of its leaves for medicine. My Keeper can do it no problem, but it's always been outside of my skill set."

Inquisitor: (Investigate) "You can use magic to grow plants bigger?"

Delilah: "Oh yes, and different shapes too. The Keeper and their First - and Second, if they have one - work alongside the clan craftsman, to grow wood in the specific shape we need. It's more efficient than cutting a large piece of wood, and then carving it down to only use a small part and discard the rest."

Inquisitor: (polite) "I can imagine that would be really useful."

Delilah: (slightly approves) "Oh yes. Imagine, an elfroot producing bushels and bushels from one plant. It could revolutionize medicine, and that's just one application."

Inquisitor: (special, if polite option chosen, and if the Inquisitor spoke to Adan in Haven about not having enough supplies for potions) "I'm sure the healers would be grateful. We're well stocked now, but I remember when the Inquisition was scrambling for simple herbs."

Delilah: "I believe it. If I can do this for every civilian and soldier who's been hurt, then I'll have pulled my weight here."

-or-

Inquisitor: (humerous) "Maybe you can make the grass in the courtyard fluffier. I somehow always step in that puddle of water at the foot of the stairway leading to the main hall."

Delilah: "Or maybe I like the idea of you going to the war room with wet socks. Josephine must grow another gray hair everytime you squelch past her desk."

-or-

Inquisitor: (direct) "It doesn't seem you've had much success with this one."

Delilah: "I did say it's been outside of my skillset. But that's what practice is for, I suppose."

Delilah: "But I need a break regardless. Would you like to join me for dinner?"

(The two of them head to the Herald's Rest tavern. They sit at a secluded table and eat and talk for a while.)

Delilah: "You know, evil darkspawn magister aside, this past year has been surprisingly nice. You've made me feel welcome here, which I never thought would be the case. I didn't expect to find that here...or you."

Inquisitor: (elven special choice) "I know what you mean. You've seen the resistance to having an elven Herald of Andraste."

Delilah: (approves) "(In a high pitched, whiny voice) 'The Maker would send no elf in our time of need.' Mythalenaste, I don't know how you've put up with it."

-or-

Inquisitor: (mage special choice) "I'm glad you feel safe here, as a fellow mage in an Andrastian organization."

Delilah: (slightly approves) "Andrastian or no, at least you and I have been able to bond over our magic. So long as I have that, I don't care about the revered mothers giving me dirty looks."

Inquisitor: (diplomatic) "I love you."

Delilah: "(visibly flustered) Oh! I didn't - I mean, wow. You really do?"

Inquisitor: "Ah, I didn't mean to spring that on you all of a sudden. But yes, I really do."

Delilah: "(shy smile) I love you too, vhenas."

-or-

Inquisitor: (humerous) "I mean, at this point I'm the savior of southern Thedas. Nobody's really in a position to dictate to me whom I spend my time with."

Delilah: "(laugh) I can't say I'm not glad for that, at least. Maybe I'm finally understanding what people mean when they say power is attractive."

Inquisitor: "(teasing) I knew you only wanted me for my political prowess."

-or-

Inquisitor: (direct) "I feel the same way. I care for you very deeply, and I can't imagine all of this without you."

Delilah: "I'm glad to hear it. I'm ready to see all of this through to the end with you."

(Regardless of dialogue option chosen, the inquisitor and Delilah lean in for a kiss, and the cutscene ends with them holding hands and smiling at one another.)

Romanced tarot card: Temperance

End game dialog:

Delilah: "Leaving the party already? Most of the Inquisition and half of Orlais must be here to celebrate your victory."

Inquisitor: (polite) "Parties are all well and good, but it's been a long day."

Delilah: "Nobody will deny you've earned a rest, certainly."

-or-

Inquisitor: (humerous) "I'm absolutely stuffed from those frilly little cakes, I'm leaving before I pop."

Delilah: "Not to compliment Orlais or anything, but I will admit those cakes are tastier than they're given credit for."

-or-

Inquisitor: (direct) "I'm tired, so I'm heading up for the night.

Delilah: "That's completely understandable. You've been so busy for so long, I'm surprised you're still standing."

Delilah: "I hope you're not too tired for company, though?"

(They head up to the Inquisitor's quarters and stand out on the balcony. The inquisitor puts their arm around Delilah's waist, and she smiles back at them.)

Delilah: "Corypheus is dead, there will be a new Divine, and peace is finally beginning to settle into south Thedas. You've managed some incredible feats. Where will you go from here?"

Inquisitor: "I'm not sure. There's still a lot to do...but I know I want you there with me."

Delilah: "Me too. You still have great things ahead, and I'm determined to see them with you."

(They kiss and then look off into the sunset as the scene fades.)

#inquisitor as a companion #inquisitor as a companion: romance edition #da #delilah lavellan #my text

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smolfailure · 4 years

Text

FUCK IT, DREAM SMP HOMESTUCK AU

but it's only half shitposts and there are actual Thoughts in there.

You don't need to have read the comic to understand because I tried not to spoil anything major, but it'd help if you knew basic stuff about classpects, SBURB and the hemospectrum.

disclaimer: i'm not a good pixel artist and this is my first actual sprites ever so please be kind to my weird pixels

The Kids:

Tommy

Fundy

Techno

Tubbo

tommy, tubbo and fundy one of the kids because they're the kids in dream smp canon (with fundy being son of wilbur)

techno's there because i want to make a dave strider reference (haha get it because techno's name is also da-- *gets shot) and also because they are both coolguys except instead of using irony, techno has adhd

The Trolls:

Wilbur Soohte (fuschia)

?????? Ehrret (violet)

J????? Shlatt (purple)

Nihacu Niikki (indigo)

Skeppy Diamon (cerulean)

Quacki Tthiey (teal)

Philza Myncra (jade)

Dreame Wastkn (lime disguising as olive)

George Notfou (gold)

Sapphe Nahfpe (bronze)

Badboy Haelow (burgundy)

don't come at me saying only females are allowed to be jades and fuschias; gender is fake and this is an au

more of the AU and the talksprites are under the cut:

Tommy

Lunar sway: Derse. Types in: Red

chaotic. the first person to be introduced.

when he gets introduced instead of the “Zoosmell Pooplord” bit, Tommy is initially going to be the name inputted but then backspaced it and decided that Tommyinnit was better and he was fuming until he’s named Tommy.

Gives me big Blood/Hope vibes. Blood because a lot of the conflict of the dream smp connected to someone breaking his trust or harming the things he cares about, Hope because a lot of the plot of the dream smp stems from Tommy starting shit based on his ideals and what he thinks is right.

the first to instigate fighting against the trolls

bbh contacts him once and tommy keeps cursing until he disconnects from frustration rip

wields Gunkind and his only strife weapon at the beginning is the Vlog gun. He has Gunkind as his strife specibus mainly because he looked up at schlatt and he imitates him.

Fundy

Lunar sway: Prospit. Types in: Orange

it was his idea to play SBURB but only through Dream.

he talks to dream the most among the other trolls fwt stans getcha juice this is the rosemary of the session

dream’s the one giving him exposition about the game so that’s how he knows how to play SBURB.

wilbur trolls fundy once and instantly adopts him.

“You’re my son.” “How does that even work??” “I was one of the people who created your universe. It’s basically the same thing.”

Fundy relents anyway.

Techno

Lunar sway: Derse. Types in: Pink

dave strider but dead-inside voice + rose lalonde english major vibes

he slices the text box when you try to name him "Dave " like in

techno gives me time player vibes (contantly on the move. his skyblock series, his “stays in the pit” monologue,) but also rage vibes (anarchy, the “theseus” monologue, political alignment is Chaos) alas i am not sure what class

uses Tridentkind and claims "it came from god"

it was dream, he accidentally transportalized one of wilbur’s weapon while he testing the transportalizer.

Tubbo

Lunar sway: Prospit. Types in: Green

the jade harley of this session. the only thing keeping them from going apeshit. where would they be without him.

but also jade harley in a sense that he seems nice and wholesome but also don’t fuck with them they can mess you up

Heart/Life vibes??? someone good at classpecting help

i put them in prospit bc of the "tubbo third eye" instead of tubbo having a sixth sense or smth, they see the future from the clouds of skaia when they sleep

wields Stress-relieverKind at some point

bonus: everyone’s actual hair colors

Ideas about the Trolls

no i haven’t done their sprites yet bc it would take so much time and i’m not even sure if people wanna see more of this au skjdkdsakdfkl,, but i have Design Ideas.

events of the dsmp revolution are just a FLARP session drawing parallels to how the homestuck trolls had a FLARP session that spoiler alert: destroyed friendships. dtrio, eret, will are involved. eret betrays will's faction and wilbur's still Bitter over that.

on the context of alternia (highbloods and lowbloods) lmanburg and dreamsmp have their roles SWAPPED. the emancipation theme thing is completely gone since highbloods are in more power than the lowbloods (the dream team) .

wilbur made a faction called l’manburg because he wants a place where he and his fellow highbloods could make drugs vibe.they take a piece of land that was owned by the dream team. in normal circumstances, they shouldve stood down because lowbloods aren't supposed to start shit with highbloods (especially a group of highbloods that has the alternian heir among them) but dream turned it into an activism thing about lowblood rights. the story plays as close as possible without tommy or tubbo in it (which is pretty hard ik but this is the best can do).

like in the dreamsmp revolution, dream kinda let wilbur do what he wants but this time he has more reason to because he’s in a lower caste. dream really only fought back when wilbur announced that he’d be building lmanburg on their land and calling it theirs.

eret betrays wilbur by supporting the lowbloods and wilbur and co. technically won but only because he finally called the drones in, as a reference to how lmanburg absolutely got crushed by the dream team in the smp but technically won. l’manburg keeps the piece of land and the dream team scatter away to find a new home.

wilbur soot's a fuschia because a) he's in a position that has a lot of power, b) yknow how he wrote a song about squids and his thing with sally… yeah.

eret's a violet because nobility!! dream looks down on him because he's ambivalent on fighting for lowblood rights when he's in a power to do so "you just sit there, and you look pretty that's it"

also like eridan he has a minor aesthetic mutation (herobrine eyes) that won't classify him as a mutant.

jschlatt is purple because it makes sense thematically because of the gamzee parallels (a. substance abuse b. if you know what happens in act 6, you know this already but spoiler alert, he ruins the main protagonists' lives) also he's a funnyman he deserves the clown caste

quackity's a teal because he’s a law student. moving on--

ok but for real it also makes sense thematically because he's the one who wrote the thing that tricked schlatt into agreeing also he gets manipulated by schlatt which also draws parallels to certain events in the comic

skeppy and bbh are BEST FRIENDS despite being highblood and lowblood respectively. initially, skeppy just wanted to bother bbh but they grew to be good friends in time. y’know like how they actually becane friends :D

philza minecraft is a jade because dad friend. also works thematically, because spoiler alert he gets to murder a seadweller for going batshit crazy.

he also god tiers early. he dies fighting his quick undead denizen (haha baby zombie) but the consorts of his land carry him to his quest bed because he’s treated them all so well.

dream was initially going to be another caste but then i realized that means i have to make his hoodie something other than green which is unacceptable so its a good thing the fact that he's a lime works out

dream was the one who thought of playing sgrub in the first place- initially only planned to have gogy, sap, and bbh in the session but then realized that they four won't be enough so he invited more into his session

he’s also the first to go godtier ez clap blind speedrun not sure what classpect tho

the only reason why dream avoided being culled at birth for being a limeblood is because his rng is That Good. he quickly picked up the fact that he’s not supposed to exist and masqueraded as an oliveblood and kept mostly to himself to avoid suspicion.

george is still colorblind but he has lazer eyes along with it instead. dream lives with him in the same hive since being a mutant means dream doesn’t get a lusus of his own (dnf fans getcha juice “and they were roommates”)

despite living in the same hive, he never really figures out that dream is a limeblood. possibly because a) he’s colorblind and when he sees dream bleeding he just sees yellow b) he’s just that fucking oblivious and it’s so valid of him.

sapnap’s a bronzeblood mainly because i know he’s the instigator of the pet war with tommy also because i associate him with the color orang in my mind so bronze it is

that’s the end of this long-ass post!! if you have other ideas PLEASE i want to hear them. i don’t know the other streamers i mentioned in here very well so if you have ideas that would be fitting to them like with classpect or lunar sway that would be GREAT.

the only thing i’m confident about in here are the kids’ lunar sways. i’m not an expert in classpects and homestuck lore so there’s that too!! i just wanted to make this post because adhd means that the idea wouldn’t shut up until i finished it. This initially started as a single shitpost edit of tommyinnit talksprite but then the hiveswap 2 trailer came out and that means i have to combine my two hyperfixations.

also i have ideas about potential quadrants but idk how much of that is breaking some streamers’ boundaries about shipping (even the non romantic quads such as kismesistude, morallegiance and auspisticism) so i decided not to include it.

edit: apparently people want more so i made a discord server as a place to brainstorm!! please pm me to join!

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lucywrites02 · 3 years

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I have a question but Im kinda scared to make you feel uncomfortable... its just that I saw that you identify as Demi. I was wondering how one can know that they are demi? Bc I would say I'm cis bc I only like men. But then again I don't really understand when people call men hot. Like sure they can be handsome but I don't really think of anything sexual. If I have a crush I fantasize more about cuddling with them and just dreaming about how they would love me for who I am and stuff like that. Thinking about anything physical kinda makes me uncomfortable, yet I wouldnt be opposed to try smth with someone i feel a connection with... you know? Am I just stupid and overthinking it too much? Sorry for this novel of an ask

I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. I am by no means an expert in the field of sexuality so if I said something wrong I would appreciate it if you guys corrected me.

I will try my best to explain it all to you, but if you need some more I will also link some videos that are pretty easy to understand.

First, let’s go over the most important definitions so that it will be easier for you to understand.

Demi means “partially”. I’m demiromantic which means I can only develop romantic feelings for another person when I have a strong emotional connection with them. It’s hard for me to develop a crush on someone. Last time it took me half a year to start developing any kind of romantic feelings towards somebody (it’s my personal experience and everyone is different so sometimes it can take a month, sometimes years. It all depends on the person)

Here’s a video about different types of attraction that may be really helpful:

https://youtu.be/6mjWPAhPGnk

You said you are Cis which has more to do with gender that sexuality. Cisgender describes a person whose gender identity matches their sex assigned at birth. If you were assigned female at birth and identify as such then you are Cis. In my bio it says I am a demigirl (although I am questioning that at the moment). This word describes people who were assigned female at birth, but does not fully identify with being a woman. I feel comfortable with being a woman, but I don’t always feel like one.

This video explains the difference between sex and gender

https://youtu.be/XN-wD8O9tRI

If you like only the opposite gender then you are heterosexual. So if you’re a woman who likes only men or a man who only likes women then you are hetero.

From your story I assume you may be somewhere on the asexual spectrum.

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to other people or low (or absent) desire for sexual activity.

https://youtu.be/i6A7UAH5fcY

Asexuality- as I said before- is a spectrum and demisexuality is a part of it. Demisexual people only feel sexually attracted to other people if they have a deep emotional connection with them (Kinda like aromantic people with romance)

https://youtu.be/VCZtPt6SHTE

You can be straight and demisexual. Omnisexual and aromantic. One thing doesn’t exclude the other. If any kind of sexual activity make you uncomfortable, but you are willing to try it out if you have an emotional connection with someone then I would advise you to do some more research about asexuality. There are many different words to describe people who are on the spectrum and even though they may have similar meanings some labels will suit you better than others (if you don’t want to label yourself that’s good, too!”) I will be more than happy to give you more sources if you need them!

And remember that discovering yourself could be a long process and it’s okay to change labels if you find one that is better for you <3

#lgbtq #thanks for the ask!#the journay of finding yourself

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mstheoverflow · 2 years

Text

I posted 7,220 times in 2021

5 posts created (0%)

7215 posts reblogged (100%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1443.0 posts.

I added 11 tags in 2021

#joke - 2 posts

#lotr - 1 posts

#and finding out that it thrives in stomach acid - 1 posts

#but i'm pretty sure the author is pretty conservative and obsessed with rome - 1 posts

#virgil is the e.l. james and butch hartman of mythology - 1 posts

#i wish i could draw - 1 posts

#or paint - 1 posts

#can you imagine being the first person to try eating a new mushroom - 1 posts

#then it grows and consumes you from the inside out - 1 posts

#i think i hard rumors about a fanfiction being published soon - 1 posts

Longest Tag: 85 characters

#start of the rise of the beginning of the story of the dawn of the planet of the apes

My Top Posts in 2021

Was Critical role involved in a DeviantArt style "my OC do not steal" drama or was that some kind of TikTok fever dream?

0 notes • Posted 2021-09-26 09:31:53 GMT

I'm really curious, for those who thought they were cisgender straight girls and who loved queer fanfiction in middle to high school, how old are you now and what do you currently Identify as?

2 notes • Posted 2021-03-11 17:45:50 GMT

I'm gonna say something controversial but the Hobbits in the Fellowship wouldn't be just rogues in D&D. Truly they don't have the powers that the classes do, but the personality and attitudes fit the classes so well. Also, they are rogue multiclasses

Frodo - rogue paladin. He swears an oath to bring and destroy the ring even though he doesn't know the way to mordor. He keeps smeagol alive because he pities him and see himself reflected in Gollum's misery. He's dedicated to doing the right thing for the good of everyone, even though he does eventually fail

Samwise - rogue Cleric. He's constantly looking after Frodo, making sure he's okay, and supporting him to make sure he's able to take the next step. He's also got the wisdom to see through the lies that gollum weaves to see how Gollum is taking advantage of Frodo. Also, he's almost always cooking, so if that's not create food & water, IDK what it is. (I can also see the argument for Druid with his connection to nature. He asked for a box of lothlorien soil for his garden)

Meriadoc - Rogue Fighter or pure Rogue. His most impressive accomplishments are becoming part of the Rohirrim and helping Eowyn defeat the Witch King. If that's not taking advantage of sneak attack then IDK what it is

Pippin - Rogue Bard. While everyone of the Hobbits enjoy good food, drink, and weed, pippin does in droves. He's also an amazing singer and can be quite inspiring, when he's not a chaotic dumbass. He's fully unaware of the troubles he can cause, but he can use this to his advantage, like getting the Ents to March on Isengard or to distract the Steward of Gondor from his conscious.

I'm open to discuss this further

4 notes • Posted 2021-01-03 15:05:28 GMT

Ted Cruz might've fooled forensic experts, investigators, and true crime hobbyists, but I know that he's the real Zodiac

14 notes • Posted 2021-10-08 03:19:04 GMT

Look man, IDK. Gender is a performance and sweat pants are comfortable. Can I just get some grapes please?

83 notes • Posted 2021-01-18 02:32:19 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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tuiccim · 4 years

Text

Santi (Part 2)

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Words: 4430

Warnings: Fluff, flirt,

Summary: The team leaves for a mission leaving you and Bucky alone at the tower.

Santi Masterlist

After bidding the team goodbye the next morning you and Bucky head to the kitchen for breakfast.

"How was your first night in the new place?"

"Good. Slept okay. How'd you sleep?"

"I have a hard time getting to sleep any given day but once I did last night I was good."

In the kitchen you pull out a frozen breakfast burrito to heat and grab an apple and peanut butter. Bucky fixes a huge bowl of cereal.

"Why aren't you on the mission?" Bucky asks.

"You want the official answer or the truth?" You ask.

"The truth, always."

"Steve didn't want you to be alone so he asked me to stay."

"You were okay with that?"

"Well, you know, my 'particular skills are not needed for this mission'" You say imitating Steve.

"You don't mind being my babysitter?"

"Well, first, I'm not your babysitter. You're a big boy and can wipe your butt all by yourself. Second, I don't mind having some time to take it easy. It's usually hard to come by. And, lastly, the rest of the team has worked with you before. I like that it gives me the chance to get to know you. Not the file or news reports or rumors, but you as a person." Bucky seems taken aback by your answer. "You said you wanted the truth, always." You smile and Bucky seems to relax a bit.

"Thanks." He pauses for a minute but then smirks, "Wipe my own butt? You always had that mouth on ya?"

"All my life." You smile at him.

"Apple and peanut butter?" Bucky asks as he watches you eat.

"It's delicious!" You pick up a fresh slice, scoop some peanut butter onto it. Leaning over the table you hold it up for Bucky to take a bite. "Try it." He eyes you as he bites into the slice you are holding out to him.

"Okay. Weird but good "

You giggle at his expression and pop the other half into your mouth.

"Are you always happy like this? You always seem to be on the verge of laughing." He asks suddenly.

"No. But, I don't know, I guess I've had the privilege of living my life unlike you and Steve. It's given me the time to work through things, figure out what makes me happy. I guess I've just lived long enough to learn contentment. And I think that's the basis of happiness."

"Lived long enough? You're what? 25? 30?"

Your face falls. "You haven't read my file."

"No."

"Have you read any of them?"

"No. It feels... invasive. Like I'm prying."

"It's not. It's just basics. Nothing overly personal. Abilities. Skills. Things you need to know in the field." You say emphatically. "For example, let's say we're on a mission. I get shot. Femoral artery hit. Bleeding out. What do you do?"

"Apply a tourniquet. Determine if I can complete the mission without you dying."

"Wrong. You just wasted time and possibly cost us the mission. You do nothing. I don't need medical attention." You take a deep breath, "I'm a Gifted. I have healing abilities. My body will force out the bullet and the wound will be repaired within 90 seconds. Blood supply restored in minutes. You and Steve heal fast but I put your abilities to shame there."

"Do you have any other abilities?"

"Additional strength, not your level but decent. Increased metabolism. Slow aging." You pause and look directly into his eyes, "And empathic telepathy."

"Like Wanda?"

"Wanda's a little different. She's more telepathic in the sense of reading minds and forcing waking dreams. My ability allows me, if I choose to, read people's emotions. And I can imbue people with emotions."

"Force them to feel things?"

"Ye...yes." You say hesitantly and then look him directly in the eyes, "Look, I have read your file and I know you've had your mind messed with enough. I will never, NEVER do that to you without your consent. Never."

You stare at each other for a moment before Bucky gives a slight nod.

"Is it helpful?"

"My specialty was deep cover. Being able to force trust, calm, caring. It makes getting to the inner circles easier. But after doing it for so long I had to get out. I was other people so much I started to lose myself. So, I told Fury that I wanted out. And then the world blew up and I ended up right back in the middle of it. I think I'm where I'm supposed to be now."

"How do you do it?"

"I just think it and I kinda push it to the other person. It's even easier when I'm touching them. If a person can somehow resist me mentally, once I touch them the resistance fades."

"What all can you make them feel?"

"Any emotion. Several if needed."

"Fear? Panic?"

"Yes."

"Pain?"

"Emotional pain, yes."

"Love?"

"Yes."

"Pleasure?"

You look at Bucky and raise an eyebrow at that one before replying in a low voice, "Yes."

"Have you done it to me?"

Voice strong again, "No. Never without your permission."

"Our teammates?"

"Only with their consent. Most people want to try it at least once."

"I have nightmares sometimes." Bucky says quietly.

"Yeah." Your tone softens.

"Could you calm me if that was happening?"

"I can, yes. I can also help you sleep. Do you want me to?"

Bucky stares into his bowl of cereal for a moment. When his eyes flicker up to you there is a tinge of red to them. He gives a slight nod. Reaching over you curl your hand around his wrist. "You're my teammate, my friend. I'll do anything I can to help you. Anything, okay?"

Bucky gives a small nod.

"Okay. Time to get some training in. Don't want Steve to think I'm slacking the first day without him." You start clearing your breakfast dishes.

"He's a real drill sergeant, huh?"

"Sometimes."

"Wait, how old are you? I take it, older than 25."

You laugh, "That's sweet, Buck. I'm 62."

"So Sam was including you in his geriatric patients?"

"I think you have to be over 65 to be in that category. You and Steve are still the geezers of the place." You smirk at him. "I'll catch up with you later."

"I'll see you in the training room in a bit."

"Sounds good." You say as you walk to the elevator. Your heart hurts a little for Bucky knowing it had to be hard for him to ask for help. You hope he knows how strong he is, how brave to ask.

Before Bucky heads to the training room he detours to his room. Going to the desk he pulls out the stack of files Steve had given him and quickly located Santi's. Flipping it open he read:

Name: Bella Santi Delarosa

Last known address: Stark Tower

Date of Birth: November 1, 1957

Place of Birth: Mobile, Alabama

Status: Active

Title: Agent

Aliases: The Saint, Lucia Roman, Marie Frances, Eve Lastra, Elana Romano.

Document Citizenship: United States

Height: 5'8"

Weight: 140 lbs

Gender: Female

Hair: Black

Eyes: Brown

Languages: English, Spanish, French, Italian, Russian, Portuguese, German.

Identifiable Markings: Triangle shaped birthmark right shoulder.

Family: Parents, Marco and Giulia Delarosa, deceased. Brother, Luca Delarosa, deceased.

Classification: Gifted

Abilities: Healing. Increased strength, stamina, reflexes, balance, and accuracy. Decreased aging. Empathic telepathy.

Skills: Multiple forms of Martial arts, acrobatics, expert marksmanship, espionage, infiltration, tactical coordination.

Bucky closes the file and heads to the training room. He spots Santi lifting weights and joins her. "So, 'The Saint', huh?"

You laugh, "You read my file?"

"Yeah."

"That's what you took away from it? My code name?"

"Bella Santi Delarosa. Beautiful Saint of the Rose?"

"I was born on All Saints Day. My parents were Catholic." You shrug. "Any other questions?"

"I noticed the slight southern accent so Alabama made sense. Did you grow up there?"

"Until I was 13."

He wanted to ask what happened but knew it wasn't the right time to get into it. Deciding on a subject change, "Expert marksman?"

"You bet your ass."

"I was gonna bet lunch, actually."

"Knives or guns?"

"Knives."

"Yay!" You clap your hands as you move to the weapons cage to pull out knives. "Let's start with a target and we'll see if we need to get to trick shots to determine a winner."

Bucky glances at the body shaped training target at the end of the range, picks up a knife, and says "Right eye." The blade finds its mark with barely a glance.

"Left eye." Hit.

"Left shoulder." Hit.

"Right shoulder." Hit

"Center mass." Hit.

"Same." Hit within millimeters of his knife.

"Nose." Hit.

"Mouth." Hit.

Getting an idea you move in a bit closer as he says "Forehead" and aims. As he's preparing to throw you reach on tiptoe and blow in his ear. The knife hits the target's groin.

"I'm sorry. Did you say forehead or foreskin? If it was forehead, you were a little low on that one, weren't you?" You say still right next to Bucky's ear. Bucky turns eyes wide and swallows hard. You smile innocently up at him.

"Wouldn't you call that cheating?" Bucky's voice is gravelly as he stared down at you.

"I'd call it winning. After all, out in the field there's all kinds of distractions. You have to get used to them." You say in mock innocence with a sweet smile.

Bucky tries to keep a straight face but a chuckle slips through. "Fine. I'll give you this one, Doll."

"I accept your defeat. There is this great diner right by the Museum of Natural History. They have phenomenal burgers and then we can go to the museum."

"I thought the bet was for lunch."

"Well, I figured I'd take you to the museum as a consolation prize. After all, I did cheat."

"I'm not taking you away from any plans?"

"Those were my plans. Now, you get to pay for lunch though."

Bucky laughed and his heart warmed a little at the thought that you had planned out the day with him.

"Let's finish training and then we can get ready to head out." You say heading back to the weights.

Three hours later, you arrive at the diner and both order burgers and fries.

"Can I ask you something? Personal?" Bucky asks, glancing at you nervously.

"Anything. I'm kind of an open book. Which is unusual in this group."

"Yeah." Bucky says on a short laugh "What happened to your family?"

You knew it was coming at some point. "You want the short or long version?"

"Long if you're comfortable with telling it."

"Yeah." You pause to collect your thoughts. "You read my file so you know I grew up in Mobile, Alabama. My parents were Marco and Guilia and I had a brother named Luca. He was two years younger than me. My parents wanted more kids but it just didn't happen. We were a big Italian family. Steve always says he knows I'm Italian because I'm loud, always eating, and am touchy-feely."

Bucky laughs "Sounds right. You've never shied away from touching me."

"Sorry." You say feeling a slight blush creep up. "Please let me know if I make you uncomfortable. I just don't think about it much."

"No, I like it. Most people don't get very close to me. Keep going"

You smile blushing a little more but continue with the story. "My grandparents, my dad's parents, had a bakery. Most of the family worked there. I loved it. I had 8 aunts and uncles, a million cousins. Big, big family. Nice life, ya know. Lots of love and lots of drama. Then when I was thirteen, we were driving home from my cousin's birthday party and our car was hit by an 18-wheeler. My parents died on impact. Luca…" you pause and swallow hard willing the tears away. Clearing your throat you continued, "Luca died while they were trying to get us out of the car. He was such a sweet kid. Tender-hearted and quiet. I should have died too. My injuries were severe but that's when my mutation kicked in. Before they even got me out of the car my injuries healed. I didn't understand what happened. The doctor explained the mutant gene while I was in the hospital. I was so wracked with guilt that I lived. I didn't want to hear anything about it. Then my family… they were scared of me. I could feel it. They turned me over to the state. They didn't want anything to do with me. I was put in a group home and first chance I got I ran. Ran for nine years before SHIELD found me. They took me in. Taught me that my mutation was a calling not a curse."

The food came at that point and you both dug in hungrily. Bucky looked up after a few bites. "What'd you do the nine years you were running?"

"Petty theft, lot of trespassing, might have been a grand theft auto somewhere in there, and then I joined the circus."

Bucky laughed, "Serious?"

"Yeah. I got a job helping set up and take down for a circus and when they left I kinda stowed away and they let me stay. I grew up dancing and doing gymnastics, so they taught me aerial silks and rope tricks. I ran errands, took care of the animals, cooked, and eventually even performed."

Bucky narrows his eyes at you, "You're pulling my leg."

"No. It was the 70s. I'll show you some pictures when we get back."

"What exactly are aerial silks?"

"They're sheets of silk you use to perform contortions while kinda flying in the air. I'll show you one day. I still love doing it." Bucky still looked skeptical. "What?" You finally ask when his face was still scrunched up.

"You really have pictures?"

"Yes. Tell me about when you and Steve were kids." Trying to get the subject off of you for a minute.

You looked across at Bucky and saw a genuine smile on his face for a moment. He launched into a story and was more animated than you had seen before. It was endearing the way his face lit up talking about pre-serum Steve and their antics. He looked young and happy for a few minutes.

The spell was broken when the waiter delivered the check. Staying true to the bet, Bucky paid and then you walked to the museum a block away. You had already purchased the tickets online and went right in. It was only 12:30 and it seemed to be a slow Tuesday as you were nearly alone in every exhibit. Bucky was enthralled. He went from display to display pointing out observations, wondering at the discoveries, and fascinated with the history. Sometimes even grabbing your hand to follow him. You were enthralled by him. It seemed like for a few hours the weight lifted from his shoulders.

You stay at the museum until closing and then head back to the tower. Bucky talks nearly the entire way back about the museum exhibits. You thought your heart would burst that your outing made him so happy.

Heading to the kitchen you look in the fridge. "What do you want for dinner?"

"You pick."

"If I pick, we're ordering pizza."

"Sounds good to me. What movie do you want to watch?"

"You're not sick of me yet?" You smile, amazed that he wanted to spend more time with you.

"No! I mean, you don't have to watch a movie with me. I just thought, ya know, pizza and a movie. You had, uh, mentioned the Star Trek movie yesterday, so I thought maybe..." He trailed off.

"Sounds good to me." You echoed his earlier sentiment and he smiled at you.

You sat on the couch eating pizza and watching the movie. After a while you ended up shifting to lean into Bucky and rest your head on his shoulder.

"You okay?" He asks.

"A little cold. I'm sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?" You say, moving away a little. He doesn't answer. Instead he grabs his hoodie and drapes it and his arm over you giving a little squeeze. You snuggle into him. It's a little harder to concentrate on the movie enveloped by his warmth and smell.

After the movie was over, Bucky looked over at you, "Tired?"

"No, not really. You?"

"No."

"What'd you think of the movie?"

"It was interesting. I'd like to see the next one. Right now, I'm interested in seeing some pictures someone told me they have."

"Oh, yeah. Let's go to my room and I'll find them." You stand and stretch your arms over your head bowing your back. When you look at Bucky still sitting on the couch his eyes aren't quite on your face. You clear your throat ostensibly and his eyes snap up to yours while his cheeks gain a little pink tinge. "Come on, Buck." You turn away smiling to yourself.

You get to your room and find the photo album with pictures from the Seventies in it. Placing it on the bed in front of both of you, you skip the first few pages and flip until you find pictures from the circus. They're starting to fade with age, but there you are riding an elephant, another showing you contorted in the silks, one where you are surrounded by clowns, cooking in a tent, and a few more showing your circus life.

"You weren't kidding!"

"Of course not! It was actually a pretty fun time in my life. It was easier being accepted there. Once I got past being first of May."

"First of May?"

"Green. New. Takes awhile for circus folk to warm up but they're good to you once they do. They were like a big family."

"Why'd you decide to leave?"

"SHIELD. They could help me learn to control my powers. And to be able to use them for something good."

"What are these other pictures?" Bucky asks as he flips back to the beginning of the album.

"Oh!" You say in surprise. You reach for the album but Bucky is already looking at the pictures. Resignedly, you explain, "That was the last family portrait we took."

Bucky looks up at you sorrowfully, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have." He goes to hand you back the album.

"No, it's okay. It's been a long time since I looked at them." You point to the next photo. "That was my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary."

"Is that the entire town of Mobile?

"No, that's just my grandparents, their kids, and all my first cousins."

"First cousins?!?"

"Yeah, they were prolific. What can I say? My parents were picked on because they only had two of us."

"How old are you here?" He points to a picture of you holding a stuffed bunny.

"Three, I think." The next picture is you holding a baby Luca. You reach out and touch his little cherub cheeks but only feel the cold plastic covering the photo.

"You miss him?"

"Yeah. I guess you never stop. Losing a sibling sucks, ya know? They're the ones that are supposed to be with you through it all. You expect grandparents and parents to die, but your siblings are supposed to be there. Do you?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I miss Rebecca."

"Sorry. I shouldn't have brought that up."

"No, it's okay. But I probably should get some sleep."

"Yeah."

Bucky gets up and puts the album back on your shelf. "Night, Santi."

"Night, Bucky." You say in a small voice.

"Hey." He waits until you look up at him. "You okay?"

You force a smile, "Yeah, I'm good."

He hesitates, studying you.

Finally, you give in to yourself. "Actually, can I have a hug?"

"Absolutely!" He walks over to you taking your hand and pulling you up before wrapping his arms around you. You put your arms around his waist and your head on his shoulder. After a minute you feel a soft kiss pressed to your forehead. "Sweet dreams, Doll."

"You, too." You say as you reluctantly let go. You change into a sleepshirt and get ready for bed. Knowing sleep won't come for a while you pick up a book.

A couple of hours later you feel your stomach twist in knots and a loud grunt issues through the wall followed by "NO!" Getting up quickly you knock on Bucky's door, "Bucky, are you okay?" You listen for a second but only hear another grunt. You knock again, "Bucky?" You say a little louder.

"Стоп!" Hearing the Russian word from Bucky made your decision. You turn the knob and walk in. Bucky is thrashing a bit on the bed. His right hand is clenched around the sheets.

"Bucky, wake up. Hey. Come on, Buck." You put a knee on the bed and lean over to shake Bucky. The moment you touch his shoulder he sits up. The knife in his left hand lands with a thunk in your side. You hiss at the pain but stay still. "Buck. Bucky, hey." His eyes are far away and you know he hasn't come out of it yet. You put your right hand over his hand gripping the knife and your left on his shoulder suffusing calm into him. "Buck, I'm calming you. You said it was okay. Look at me, darlin'. Hey, hey." You see his eyes begin to focus. Finally, he looks at you. "Good. Hey, love, I need you to let go, okay?" You gently nudge his left hand which is still firmly holding the knife in you. You see him glance down and panic blanches his face. Suffusing calm again you take your left hand and touch his face drawing his attention to yours. "I'm okay. I just need you to let go. Bucky, talk to me."

"I'm so sorry!" Comes out in a panicked whisper as he lets go.

"Bucky, I'm fine. Healing ability, remember?" You gather the ends of your shirt and brace to pull out the knife. "Mmmm...had to be a serrated one, huh?" You press the shirt to the wound to staunch the blood flow and look at Bucky. He looks shattered. "Bucky, everything's okay."

"I stabbed you." He whispers.

"Better me than anyone else." You give a humorless little laugh. You wipe the knife on part of your shirt and set it down on the nightstand.

"I stabbed you."

"90 seconds, Bucky. 90 seconds and I'll be healed. No harm, no foul."

"I stabbed you and you're laughing." He looks at you incredulously.

"What's a little stab wound between friends?" You smile but he still looks lost. "Bucky, another empathic part is I can let you feel how I'm feeling. Can I show you?"

He nods and you put a hand on his. "What do you feel?"

He looks in your eyes finally, "Calm. Caring. Worry for me."

"Exactly. I'm fine. Now, are you okay? You were having a nightmare."

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay." You pull him into a hug keeping your bloody side away from him. He puts his right arm around you and runs his left hand up your arm to your neck. Pulling away he looks into your eyes, glances down to your lips, and then back with an almost questioning look. It doesn't take empathic ability to know what he's feeling and your heart twists a little. You raise up a bit and kiss his forehead like he did for you earlier that night.

"I'm gonna get cleaned up. Can I borrow a shirt?" You stand up and that's when Bucky notices you had bunched your shirt up to stem the wound exposing your legs and a pair of peach colored panties.

Tearing his eyes away he stands up quickly and pulls open a drawer. "Yeah, here, Doll."

You look in the drawer and pull out a black ribbed tank from the top. "This will work." You say as you head into his bathroom.

Bucky watches you walk away thinking with the peach colored underwear it almost looked like you weren't wearing anything down below. He shook the thought away. Nice, Buck, you stab her and then ogle her, he thinks to himself.

You take off the shirt you are wearing and grab a cloth to clean off the blood. After washing your hands you slip on the tank. It comes down just past your butt and almost looks like a dress on you. A very short dress. Staring at yourself in the mirror for a second you can't deny the feelings developing in you. Bucky is...you can't even describe it. Beautiful inside and out. But too often your empathic abilities had interfered with real feelings. You had wanted to kiss him in that moment but the emotional charge was too much. What if that's all it was? The heat of the moment? It was too soon. You'd known him for less than 48 hours. Sighing, you shake off your thoughts and walk back out. Bucky eyes you from where he is sitting on the bed.

"You okay?" He asks.

"Yes. See? No harm, no foul." You lift the tank up to show him.

He raises his left arm and touches your side. The cool touch from his metal hand breaks your skin into goosebumps. You cover his hands with yours and for a moment get lost in his eyes when he looks up at you.

Breaking eye contact you pull the shirt back down, saying softly "It's late. You should go back to sleep."

"I don't think I can." He says.

You sit next to him on the bed. "Lay down. Get comfortable. I'll help you."

He lays on his side and hugs his pillow. Running your hands through his hair, you suffuse calm and see the tension slip away a bit. Giving him a minute before suffusing lethargy, you watch as his muscles start to relax. Finally, you suffuse a sleepy feeling. You can't force sleep but have found that when these three feelings combine they make a fairly good sleep cocktail. Bucky's form slowly relaxes and you continue to run your hands through his hair suffusing the sleepy feeling until his breathing evens out. You retrieve your ruined shirt and bloody cloth from the bathroom and the knife from the nightstand. You don't want him to have any reminders when he wakes. Switching off his lamp, you reluctantly head to your own bed.

Part 3

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