#i don’t even remember what game that comes from but im feeling it lately

[gracelandmp3]

it’s a banger player principle and i approve of it in theory but i’m rly gonna need ali to stop driving brnine like she stole them. for my blood pressure.

#i don’t even remember what game that comes from but im feeling it lately #‘theyre living on borrowed time’ what if i killed myself

[eggyrocks]

type-t.kageyama

summary: kageyama's unsure of exactly what his type is, until his roommate asks if a friend can stay with them. just for a bit.

tags: kageyama tobio x f! reader, roommates to lovers, opposites attract trope, fluff-ish ig?

words: 2.1k

warnings: language, slutty thoughts, smoking, slightly slutty content but not quiet smut, probably not the best i wrote this in a haze, minors dni

an: i have brain rot and a crush on kageyama. i don't know if im going to write something like this again.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧

If you asked Kageyama what his type was before, he’s not sure what he would say. Probably something generic, something that meant nothing. Someone nice. Someone pretty. A good personality. A pretty smile. He would probably just spit out a mouthful of nothing with a red face and a stutter and think nothing else of it.

And it’s not like it’s something that he’s ever put a lot of thought into. He’s never really had the time. There have been girls, sure. Pretty ones that slipped into his room between games and practices and scheduled appearances. With pretty, soft faces and an intrigue at his profession. And they were fine. But when they gather their belongings and tip toe out of his room without a word, he did nothing to stop them. Kageyama would just pretend to sleep and feel relieved once his bed was empty again.

He liked them for the night. But there was nothing in any of the girls he brought home that made his skin hot. The thought of their thighs didn’t make him squirm, didn’t dry out his tongue or pick up his heart rate. He couldn’t remember the patterns of freckles splattered on their backs or the shape of their mouth or the cadence of their voice. Nothing about any girl he had ever met took hold of him.

And then, his roommate asked him for a favor.

“C’mon, she’s one of my best friends, and she has nowhere else to go,” Hinata had begged him. It was a strategic time to bring it up; when Kageyama was both tired and envigored from a practice, too worn to argue and too pleased from his performance to be in a bad mood. Hinata must’ve been waiting for that opportunity. “We have that spare room and she said she could help pay rent!”

Her living situation was awful, Hinata told him. Her roommates treated her horribly and she paid most of the expenses and it’s just temporary, anyways. Don’t even worry, because it’s just until she’s able to find a place of her own and you won’t even notice she’s here!

So Kageyama agreed. Too tired to argue and in too good of a mood to be annoyed. And ever since then, he’s regretted it.

Because he does notice she’s there. She leaves her dishes in the sink for hours before she cleans them. She listens to music loudly and she stays up late laughing loudly over nothing with Hinata in the living room. She takes too long in the shower and uses up the hot water and, more than anything, Kageyama is driven insane by how much he finds himself wanting her.

It only took a second for him to figure out his type once she stepped past their doorway, two duffle bags in her hand and this crooked, devilish grin on her face. It’s just her, whatever she is.

He likes girls who are bold. Like ones who introduce themselves by dropping everything in their hands to pull him into a tight, long-lasting hug. One where she presses herself firmly against him, letting him feel every soft curve and sharp edge there is to her.

He likes girls who are messy. Like a girl that goes out at night and comes home the next morning and kicks off her shoes and outer layer of clothes, leaving them strewn across the whole apartment for him to find later. Like a girl that wakes up with smudged makeup and brews coffee with unbrushed hair.

Girls that tease him. Girls that play loud music from their room. Girls that laugh loudly and unapologetically. Girls that smell like cheap perfume and expensive cigarettes. Girls that steal food from the pan while he cooks and girls who leave the bathroom steamy and laced with their scent.

Kageyama likes girls who are like that, girls like her.

Hinata must’ve known this would be the result. When she brushes against him or stands on the tips of her toes to ruffle the top of his hair or does something else that makes Kageyama red and desperate, more often than not, Hinata will be there, smirking like this not just what he was expecting, but what he wanted.

The worst part is that he can’t really complain. She pays rent on time.

It’s six in the morning when he steps out onto the balcony with his breakfast (diced fruits, scrambled egg whites, and a protein shake), and he is surprised to see her out there with hers (a half-smoked cigarette, a cup of hot black coffee, and a cold slice of pizza). Kageyama tries to avoid looking at her, and definitely does not notice that her outfit consists of a pair of crumbled boxers and a white tank top that rides up her midriff. He doesn’t notice anything like the imprints of the inseam of her jeans on her thighs or the bit of dried toothpaste that stains the direct center of her wrinkled top.

“Hey Kags,” she greets, smile rough but voice rougher. She leans towards him as he settles his breakfast down on their small standing table. The lit cigarette is perched precariously between two fingers that she shoves towards his face. “Want a smoke?”

His response is a gentle whack of her wrist, knocking it away from him. “Get that shit out of my face,” he grumbles, and is rewarded with the sound of her laugh. “Did you even sleep last night? I’ve never seen you up this early.”

Her eyes roll as she leans up against the edge of the balcony, looking over the landscape of the city. “I was at work until like three-thirty this morning. Then my coworker invited me back to her place. I was there until about forty minutes ago, been here ever since.”

The schedule of a bartender makes him sick. He can’t ever imagine it. Kageyama’s always treated his whole body like a machine, something that required through and proper maintenance and he is sure that if he treated his like she did hers for a whole twenty-four hours, he’d never recover.

But here she stands before him, downing hot coffee and squishing out the tip of her cigarette on the ashtray they didn’t own until she moved in. Kageyama figures he likes girls like that, too. Ones that are strong in ways that he’s not. “Damn,” is all he can manage to say. He can’t think of anything that’s not stupid.

“Yeah,” she sighs, and rests her chin against the palm of her hand and leans out further against the railing. Kageyama has to fight the urge to grab her by the collar and pull her back. She’s not cautious, not afraid of anything. “Maybe it’s time to settle down and find a man to take care of me,” she muses, almost like she's talking to herself. Kageyama watches, and hesitantly chews at his breakfast.

She leans back, hand still gripping the railing and using it to prop herself up. “What about you, Kags? You wanna take care of me?”

He chokes on his pineapple.

His eyes are watering as his coughs slow, and he looks up at her with an agape expression, stunned to see that she’s not laughing at him. She’s not poking at his side or making fun of his blush. She’s looking at him like she’s waiting for an answer. “Are you serious?” he questions, voice tight.

She rolls her neck, and then shrugs, like she’s trying to shake an answer out of herself. “I dunno. I think me and you would be a good match, don’t you think? We could take care of each other. You could reign me in and make me take things more seriously. I could get you to lighten up and relax sometimes so your hair doesn’t turn grey by the time you’re thirty.”

Kageyama’s stunned. He can’t do anything but stare at her as his brain tries to catch up with his words. His face burns and he feels so dumb and is this a confession? Is she trying to tell him that maybe he’s not so stupid for wanting her? But before he can process exactly what it is she just said to him, she’s shaking her head. “You know what? Don’t worry about it,” she smiles at him, and slides past him, leaving the balcony door open behind her.

And it’s only once she’s gone that Kageyama is able to get it. He whips around, eyes wide and mouth half-opened with unspoken words. But she’s disappeared, locking herself in the bathroom. And Kageyama has a practice to get to.

He doesn’t get home until later that evening. And when he goes get there, there’s a light pouring from the cracks of her closed door, and soft music emitting from behind it. Kageyama needs to eat and he needs to shower and he needs to stick to his schedule but tonight, he has more important things to take care of.

Without thinking about it, Kageyama grabs the handle of her door and pushes it open with perhaps a little more strength then needed. He steps into her room and closes the door behind him and maybe he should’ve thought about it a little bit harder because she’s wearing nothing but a big t-shirt that reaches the middle of her thighs. “Dude?’ she questions at his intrusion, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I do want to take care of you!” Kageyama blurts out at her, and her eyes go wide. “I really like you a lot and also I am very, very attracted to you, and I would really like to be with you. I basically have since you moved in. I just-“

She stands from the edge of her bed and takes a few long steps before she’s standing directly in front of him, head titled and looking up at him through her eyelashes. He swallows. “I just didn’t want to make things weird,” he finishes, struggling through the constricting in his chest.

“You want me?” she questions, blinking. And the only response he can manage is a small nod of his head. He doesn’t trust his voice not to betray him and his thoughts are running to quickly for him to hold onto any single one of them. The only thing he can understand completely is his growing, desperate need and the heat that radiates from her body. “Show me,” she tells him.

The words echo is brain for a second before he can fully comprehend them. But once he does, and he sees that her expression just might be as desperate as his, he’s compelled to oblige her. He raises a hand to the back of her head and rakes it through the roots of her hair, fingers tangling in them before he pulls slightly. This elicits a slight noise from her throat, and there’s no going back for Kageyama. Any bit of self-control he might have had snaps at once.

He presses his mouth against her and is enamored by the taste of her. Minty and smoky; peppermint lip balm and hundreds of cigarettes. His tongue slips into her mouth and everything intensifies. Kageyama’s overwhelmed by the way she feels and tastes and how her tongue slides against his and the little noises that keep spilling into his mouth.

Her hands work their way under the edge of his shirt, her palms pressing into his bare skin and suddenly it’s not enough. He needs more of her and he needs it now.

It’s foreign to him. This need that grows with the second. This desire that overtakes him and makes him forget everything that’s not her. He’s never felt like this before, not with anyone else that he’s ever been with. And it excites him, to feel so intensely. It keeps him up all night, exploring every bit of her he can, with his mouth, with his hands. He memorizes every detail about her he can. He remembers which noises come from her and what actions cause them. He remembers every inch of her skin. He remembers what his name sounded like spilling from her lips in a haze of pleasure and want, strewn together with pleading and cursing.

When morning comes, he still hasn’t showered, and he needs one more than ever. She’s asleep, forehead resting on his bare chest and snoring lightly. He likes this too, how soft she looks, how gentle. Kageyama likes the look of her in his hold, peaceful and content to be caged in by his arms. He hopes the next morning can be like this, too. Perfect. Quiet.

The only thing that ruins the moment is the loud slamming on the other side of the door, followed by Hinata’s unbearably cheerful voice. “Kageyama, I knew she’d be your type!”

#haikyuu #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #hq x you #hq #haikyuu tobio #haikyuu kageyama #kageyama tobio x you #kageyama x reader #kageyama tobio x reader #kageyama tobio #kageyama tobio fanfiction #kageyama tobio fic

[081314]

Book 7: The Ruler of the Abyss – Chapter 4 (Part 3)

Following is part 3 of my translation of Chapter 4 of Book 7: The Ruler of the Abyss. This part contains episodes 7-66 to 7-68. This concludes Chapter 4.

Main storyline spoilers after the cut!!

Episode 7-66

Sebek: …. By the way. You haven’t once yet fallen asleep, Silver. Even though you typically nod off throughout the day, be it in the middle of a conversation or during training.

Silver: That’s…. For some reason, I never get attacked by those sleeping spells when I’m inside a dream.

Sebek: Ha! So it’s when you’re fast asleep that you’re finally awake, eh? How laughable.

Silver: You’re right. I wish I could stay awake like this in the real world, too...

Yuu: You’re always sleepy?

Silver: Yeah… Ever since I was little, I’ll get these sudden bouts of drowsiness out of nowhere.

Grim: I totally get it! Whenever I’m in Trein’s class, or when I sit outside on the bench after lunch, I conk out.

Silver: …The type of sleepiness you’re talking about is probably a bit different from mine. In my case, regardless if I’m walking down the hallway or in the middle of a conversation with someone… or even when I’m practicing my swordsmanship, I’ll suddenly become incredibly drowsy.

Grim: Wait, even when you’re sword fightin’? Do you stay up all night playin’ video games or something?

Silver: No, I always get plenty of sleep at night. I don’t know what causes it, either. My father’s taken me to more magical healers than I can count, but… No matter where we went to, they’d always end up throwing in the towel, unable to find out what was going on.

Yuu: (Actually, that reminds me… I’ve been having those dreams a lot more often lately…)

Silver: If I could just find the cure for this sleeping habit, it’d be one less thing for my father to worry about.

Grim: Oh, yeah. I just remembered. Sometimes you call Lilia “Father”…. Is that, like, a nickname or what?

Yuu: I’ve been wondering about that, too.

Silver: Aah… No, it’s not a nickname…

Grim: Huh? So how come you call ‘im that?

Silver: When I enrolled at NRC, Lilia Senpai told me to keep this a secret from everyone to avoid causing any issues with the other students, but…. I’m sure it’s fine if I tell you two. Lilia Senpai-… Father took me in when I was orphan and raised me. He’s my actual parent.

Grim: Huh? Wait, so Lilia’s… He’s literally your dad!??

Yuu: Okay, I didn't see that one coming!

Silver: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to confuse anyone. I try to be careful and call him “Lilia Senpai” while we’re at school… But calling him “Father” is just a force of habit at this point.

Sebek: You humans may find this incredulous, but in Briar Valley, ‘tis not at all unusual for aged fae to appear much younger than they actually are. My mother, for example, is a fae, and though she’s older than my father, she looks younger than him.

Grim: Huh… But still, Lilia looks exactly the same four hundred years ago as he does now.

Silver: Yeah, but… Even though he looks the same, he’s totally different from the father I know. I guess I... I really didn’t know anything, did I.

Imperial Guard A: Gaugauu! Shaa!!

Sebek: Yes, sir! We apologize for causing a disturbance. We shall retire at once.

(The Imperial Guard departs)

Sebek: Now look what you twats did! Your little uproar incensed our Imperial Guardsman senpai! Listen to me, our goal here is to reach the fortress and deliver this letter as soon as possible, and then immediately return to “Briar Castle” so that I may admire our Lord’s pearl-like visage!! Humph!

(Sebek departs)

Silver: Yeah. Let’s all get some sleep and get ready for tomorrow. Good night.

(Silver departs)

Grim: ….Uh, Sebek just totally changed the plan on us. Man, looks like we’re really in it now, Yuu.

(Yuu nods)

Grim: I wonder what kinda dreams Ace and Deuce are havin’ right now… *mumble mumble* Zzzz….

Yuu: Goodnight.

Silver: …..Yuu, Grim, wake up.

Grim: *grumble* …It sure feels weird goin’ to sleep and wakin’ up inside a dream.

Silver: Did you sleep alright? You should go wash your face in the river. It’ll perk you up.

Grim: Yikes! The water’s freezin’!

Silver: The spring water in the Thunderclap Mountains is cold all year round. The continent that Briar Valley sits on is located much farther north than Sage’s Island, after all. The mountains always get covered in snow during the winter… We’re lucky we didn’t land here in the middle of winter, even though this is just a dream.

Sebek: The Imperial Guards shall soon embark. FINISH WITH YOUR TOILETTE AT ONCE!

Silver: …We need to stay focused, Sebek.

Sebek: Just whom do you think you’re addressing? You best keep your wits about you, you dolt.

Grim: Okay, let’s hit the road!

(Battle map conversation)

Lilia: Now then, if we want to take the quickest route possible to that fortress, our best bet would be to cut through the Canyon of Howling Winds over in the northeast. However…

Baul: We’ve also received reports of the “Iron Ones” being spotted at the base of Dragon’s Tail Mountain and the villages along the coast. Before we traverse the Canyon of Howling Winds, it might be a good idea to canvass the Verdant Moors first.

Lilia: Geez… We keep throwing them out over and over again, but they just come right on back.

Baul: In the name of the Imperial Guard, we will drive them out past the Canyon of Howling Winds… NO, WE’LL DRIVE THEM OUT PAST THE CORAL SEA ITSELF!!!!

Lilia: Tone it down. The west side of the Canyon of Howling Winds still belongs to the fae. The real battle won’t begin until we reach the Crimson Plain.

Baul: Yes, sir! We’ll remain vigilant.

(Battle map conversation)

Lilia: If we head directly northwest, we’ll reach the Canyon of Howling Winds in about half a day…

(Two Iron One soldiers appear)

Lilia: Yup, and here they come. A couple of nuisances.

Iron One D: You assholes sure did make yourselves at home at our camp yesterday!

Iron One E: There’s no telling what Lord Henrick’ll do to us if we report back empty handed…!

Lilia: Heh. That’s fine with me. I hope he gives you brats a good spanking!

Iron One D: Shut your damn mouth! You better prepare yourself, Vanrouge!

Lilia: Kishyaaa!

Iron One E: Eeeeep!! P-Please, spare us!!

Baul: You’re the ones who came back and picked a fight with us after we let you go last night, you idiots!

Silver: Please, wait! They’ve already surrendered! You can’t….!

Iron One D: W-Wait, it’s you! Ahh, you came to save us!

Silver: Huh?

Iron One D: Wha-… I guess I was mistaken…

Iron One E: You idiot! There’s no way “that person” would come all the way out here. But I mean… They do look alike.

Baul: Stop quibbling! Go back to the Canyon of Howling Winds and get the hell out of here!

Imperial Guards: Kukeeee!!

Silver: …I wonder who they mistook me for?

(Battle map conversation)

Baul: The Canyon of Howling Winds is up ahead.

Sebek: If I remember correctly, the lands to the east of the Canyon are under the “Iron Ones’” control, yes?

Baul: NO!! They don’t own anything- this entire continent belongs to us fae! ALL THEY’RE DOING IS SETTLING DOWN HERE AND ACTING LIKE THEY OWN THE PLACE!! DON’T FORGET THAT!

Sebek: M-My sincerest apologies!

Lilia: Keep it down. I can hear the clink of their armor.

Baul / Sebek: …!

Iron One A: Maaan, Lady Leah sure is cute, huh… She’s like a beautiful flower blooming amidst the squalor of that damn fortress…

Iron One B: I know, right? It’s hard to believe she’s Lord Henrick’s little sister.

Iron One A: And she’s always so nice to use, too…

Iron One B: But you know, I heard she and the “Knight of Dawn” are in love with each other.

Iron One A: Wait, what! Aww, come on. Why’d it have to be him! I don’t stand a chance.

Lilia: Oh, my. I had no idea the famed “Knight of Dawn” had a lover.

Iron One A: Well, it’s just a rumor. But man… It sucks to admit it, but even as a guy, I gotta say he’s real good looking.

Iron One B: And his hair’s soft as silk… Ugh, I’m so jealous! I can see why Lady Leah fell in love with him.

Lilia: Oh, yeah? I’ve never seen him take off his helmet. I’d love to catch a glimpse of his face, too.

Iron One A: Yeah, he hardly ever takes that thing off- Waaah!!???

Iron One B: A fae!???

Lilia: We’ll have to cut our chit-chat short. Get ‘em!

Imperial Guards: Garurururu!

Iron One A / Iron One B: Aaaahhh! Somebody, heeellllp!!

(The two Iron One soldiers run away)

Lilia: Tsch. Scaredy cats.

Baul: We can’t let them regroup with the “Silver Owl” members gathered at the Canyon of Howling Winds.

Lilia: Yeah. After them, quick!

(Canyon)

Grim: Waaaah! This wind is crazy I’m ‘bout to get blown away!

Yuu: It really does sound like the wind’s howling.

Lilia: These strong winds come down from the Thunderclap Mountains, and they blow through the gaps in the rock formations down here.

Sebek: Argh… Even just walking is a challenge.

Lilia: As long as this wind’s blowing, any projectile attacks will miss their marks. That doesn’t apply to our magic, of course. We fae consider this place a natural stronghold.

Grim: Huh? I hear somethin’ weird mixin’ in with the wind…

(Rumble rumble rumble!)

Imperial Guard A: Kukeeeeee! Gyagyaaa!

Baul: Something massive is coming this way! The hell is that? A stone golem!?

Lilia: No, that’s… It reeks of iron and oil! Troops, at your ready! Here it comes!

Lilia: Go to hell, you iron monster!!! Hiyaaaaah!!!

Iron One A: The armored excavator’s taken serious damage!

Iron One B: What the hell are these guys! How'd they take down the excavator like that!?

Iron One C: There’s no way we can beat them without the excavator. Retreat! Retreaaat!

(The Iron Ones flee)

Baul / Lilia: Haaaah, haaah……

Everyone: Haaahhh…. Haaah…..

Baul: W-What is this… this iron golem!?

Silver: Haaah….haah…. Looks like it’s got a shovel attached to it.

Sebek: The “Iron Ones” seemed to refer to it as an armored excavator. Judging by the name, they must be employing this device in their construction operations.  

Grim: Phew… Now that ya mention it, I feel like I’ve seen somethin’ like this before back at the port town on Sage’s Island, when there was some construction goin’ on.

Baul: So they’re using this device to dig up the earth? How bizarre!

Lilia: When the hell did they even… Not even twenty years ago they were using plows made from trees to dig up the ground, and now this. They must’ve used this thing to tear up the mountains. They’re gonna strip the Thunderclap Mountains bare in the blink of an eye at this rate. …For the time being, we need to report back to Lady Mallenoa. You, messenger, hurry back to the castle and let her know what just happened.

Imperial Guard A: Kekeeee!!

Lilia: Ugh, now my entire body reeks of iron and oil. I’ll need to wash this shit off… Blech. There’s a small lake just past the canyon. We’ll setup camp there tonight.

(Campsite)

Lilia: Aah, that hit the spot.

Grim: I wasn’t expectin’ Lilia to try an’ eat those frogs he caught in the lake.

Sebek: Thankfully things ended without incident, as we went and caught some fish in a panic…

Lilia: What, you guys didn’t know? Those frogs weren’t poisonous.

Silver: Erm, them being poisonous wasn’t really the issue… Ahem! Um, fath- I mean, General Vanrouge. May I ask you something?

Lilia: Hm? What?

Silver: Both the “Iron Ones” and the Imperial Guards keep mentioning some people named Henrick and the “Knight of Dawn.” Who are they?

Lilia: Hmm. Sounds like they aren’t very well known in other lands, then. Henrick is the human man who acts as the leader of the “Silver Owl”.  He’s greedy, crude, and big as a barrel. He’s always kicking back and relaxing in their fortress to the east, and he hardly ever comes out… But there was one time, quite a while back, when he came to Briar Castle with a requisition in hand. Lady Mallenoa didn’t listen to him one bit, though.

Sebek: He brought forth a requisition!? Though his men are the ones tearing up these lands!? Absolutely shameless!!

Lilia: And as for the “Knight of Dawn”…. He’s the commanding officer of the “Silver Owl’s” guards. Their group goes after magical stones and precious metals, and they’ll even tread into some pretty dangerous places.  For example… Places like the west side of the Canyon of Howling Winds, where we so-called “insurgents” run rampant, as well as the nests of the magical beasts that reside on the Thunderclap Mountains. And that’s why they employ guards to protect them - ones very skilled in fighting, to boot. Amongst their ranks, the “Knight of Dawn” is ridiculously powerful.

Silver: …!  If you even recognize his strength, that’s…

Lilia: He protects the fortress that sits on the eastern tip of the continent, over on Cape Sunrise. That’s how he earned himself the moniker “Knight of Dawn”. He’s an expert swordsman, and I can’t even tell you how many of my comrades he’s beaten. We followers of the night know no fear, and yet our people will cover their eyes and run away in terror at the sight of his shining white armor and his golden hair.

Yuu: I wanna see him myself now.

Lilia: He accompanied Henrick that time he came to Briar Castle, so I did see him then, but… He had his iron mask on, so I didn’t catch a glimpse of his face. According to rumor, he’s supposed to be quite the looker. People say the diurnal fae must’ve blessed him with beauty.

Grim: Woah. So he’s got a pretty face and blonde hair, huh. Maybe he kinda looks like Vil.

Sebek:  Hmph! To hell with beauty! All a knight requires is strength! And when it comes to strength, not a single person in this land rivals Sir Lilia, General of the Right!

Lilia: Duh… Is what I’d like to say, but I’ve never fought him myself. He’s always protecting that fortress, and he hardly ever goes past our side of the canyon. I’d certainly like to go up against him, though.

Silver: So in other words… If we go to this fortress, you might be able to fight the “Knight of Dawn”, then?

Lilia: That’s right. …And there’s rumors that Levan, the first to set out to that fortress with one of Lady Mallenoa’s letters, even ran into him.

Grim: You mentioned that Levan guy a couple times before. Who is he?

Lilia: The Dragon-eyed Duke, Levan. The cornerstone of our country’s diplomacy efforts. He was Lady Mallenoa’s eyes, always at her beck and call… And he was her husband, too.

Sebek / Silver: !!!!

Silver: Don’t tell me… Was he in charge of those delegates who went missing…

Lilia: Yes, that was Levan. He was an aristocrat, and the best damn envoy we had. He told his wife and their egg that he’d be right back, and then he up and left the castle without a trace… Geez, just where is he wandering around now? And who does he think’s going to have to look after the princess and the egg while he’s gone, huh? I’d love to find some clues on his whereabouts and bring them back to the princess…

Sebek: ….. Ugh… *sniffle* …! Uwaaaaaaaaaaah!!

Grim: Yikes! The heck did ya start bawlin’ for!?

Sebek: Nary a soul could listen to that story and leave with dry eyes!! Why, just think how Sir Lilia, the princess, and His Eggcellency must be feeling right now, to be left behind by their dear companion…! Oh, it’s too much! It’s simply too much!!

Lilia: That’s just how things are nowadays. Stuff like this happens all the time. Besides, he could show up again out of the blue someday…. And until he returns, I have to protect the princess and her egg with my life. Just like I promised him…

Silver: Father…

Lilia: Didn’t I tell you to quit it with the “father” thing? I’m only 300 years old, you know.

Silver: Ah, my deepest apologies. I didn’t mean to…

Lilia: I’ve been rambling too much…. When I look at you guys, all these old memories start coming back to me. I’m going to bed. You all hurry up and go to sleep, too.

(Lilia departs)

Silver: …Good night.

Sebek: Ugh…. *sobs*

Silver: Sebek, it’s about time you stopped crying. I get that you’re sad, but… It won’t do you any good if your eyes are all puffy tomorrow.

Sebek: These are not tears of sorrow! They are tears of rage!! If it weren’t for humans, for the “Silver Owl”, then the Young Lord’s father would still be….! In the real world, both of his parents are gone. Even Lady Mallenoa – she only exists here within this dream!!

Silver: !! That’s…

Sebek: Tell me, why did the Young Lord have to lose his parents! Tell me, Silver!!

Silver: Don’t ask me that…

Yuu: I get how you feel, but…

Sebek: I cannot bear this anymore. I cannot continue to stand around just twiddling my thumbs. We must protect Lady Mallenoa with our lives – together with Sir Lilia! For the Young Lord’s sake!

Silver: I don’t know how many times I have to keep telling you this, but this is all just a dream, Sebek. It doesn’t matter what we do here, the real world isn’t going to change.

Sebek: If that’s so, then... Then why don’t we just stay here?

Grim / Silver: !!??

Grim: Are you crazy!? The whole reason we came here is to try an’ wake up!

Sebek: If we refrain from journeying back to reality, then the Young Lord will be able to live together with his mother, here inside this dream. And you, Silver! You can stay by Sir Lilia’s side! What more could you ask for!?

Silver: …! That’s… No, we can’t!

(*gurgling*)

Grim: Ack!? That yucky black stuff’s comin’ back!

Silver: It’s the darkness! …It must’ve gotten wind of Sebek’s emotional state. Is it trying to pull him into an even deeper sleep!? Sebek, take up your weapon! The darkness is going to pull you under!

Sebek: If we could just stay here within this dream…. Then the Young Lord could….!

Silver: Sebek!

Grim: The darkness got ‘im!

Silver: We can still bring him back! Yuu, Grim, lend me your strength!

Grim: Geez, this guy is such a pain!

Silver: Haaa….haaa…. It just keeps coming back! At this rate, we’ll…

(Silver’s ring starts to glow)

Grim: Silver! There’s something glowin’ by your chest!?

Silver: This light, it’s… the ring my father gave me?

Darkness: (*gurgles*)

Grim: I think the darkness is scared of that light!

Silver: It’s like there’s power emanating from whatever the ring’s light touches. Just what in the world is this ring…?

Grim: Who cares! Hurry up and get rid of this stuff already!

Silver: Okay!  O Light, dispel the Darkness!!

Darkness: (*melts away*)

Grim: It spit out Sebek!

Silver: Sebek! Are you okay!?

Sebek: Uggh… What… happened?

Grim: You started throwin’ a tantrum sayin’ how much you wanted to stay here and then the darkness stuff got ya.

Sebek: …I see. I….

Silver: Sebek, you’re right. Life would be so much easier if we just stayed in this dream… But.. But even then… we have to find a way out of here. Just think about all our classmates trapped in sleep, what about their futures! What about your family waiting for you to come home! And most of all… What about Lord Malleus!! He’s out there somewhere weaving this world of dreams in his solitude!

Sebek: ……! But if Sir Lilia awakens, then he’ll…

Silver: I know. But even then, there’s no doubt in my mind my father would try and get Lord Malleus to see that what he’s doing is wrong.

Sebek: That’s… Yes, I’m certain he would.

Silver: A retainer’s role isn’t just to obey his king and agree with everything he says. At times, remonstrating our Lord is an important part of our duty. I’m sure my father taught you that, too. Right?

Sebek: …You’re right, Silver. Long have I been troubled over my defilement against the Young Lord. The way his eyes burned with sorrow and rage as he glared down at me… I shan’t ever forget the sight. I still have my doubts, I’m still not certain that returning to the real world is what’s best for the Young Lord’s happiness… But I… I cannot forget my dream! My wish! TO BECOME THE GREATEST RETAINER THE YOUNG LORD SHALL EVER HAVE!! And I cannot achieve that trapped here within this illusion.

There is only one person I shall ever serve, only one person I respect with all my heart and would lay down my life for, and that is the Young Lord – the real Young Lord! The one who bears the heavy burden of his solitude and walks together at Sir Lilia’s side. The one who loves gargoyles and ruins and frozen desserts… Who dons the same uniform as we do and attends Night Raven College together with us – the crown prince of Briar Valley he may be… The real Young Lord! Him and him alone! …!! I shan’t indulge in these dreams any longer! Just you watch – we shall return to the real world and join him at his side!! I shan’t waver a second more…. Do you understand, Silver!!

Silver: …Heh. Now there’s the Sebek I know. You better not go back on your words.

Sebek: Hmph! I don’t need to hear that from you! …*sniffle*!

Grim: Good grief. Sounds like Sebek’s feelin’ better. He’s back to his loudmouth self, at least.

Sebek: I do apologize for my irreprehensible behavior, beast- I mean, Grim. And Yuu.

Grim: What the? You’re sayin’ sorry? What’s next, are pigs gonna start flyin’?

Yuu: Wait, he called us by our names!

Sebek: N-Now then! I shall retire forthwith! You all best soon get to sleep, as well! GOOD NIGHT!!!!

(Sebek departs)

Grim: Would ya quit screamin’, it’s the middle of the night! Good night!!

Silver: …He gets like that when he’s hiding his embarrassment. I promise you he's feeling very thankful to you both right now. People misunderstand him a lot, but he’s actually a really compassionate guy. I hope you two will keep being his friend.

Grim: Nyeheheh. That all depends on his attitude! *Yaaaawn* Man, I’m exhausted. We’ve been walkin’ around and fightin’ all day today. I’m goin’ to bed. Good night.

Silver: Good night.

(Grim departs)

Silver: ……

Yuu: What’s up?

Silver: My heart wavered at Sebek’s words for a moment there. If we stayed in this dream, then Lord Malleus and father wouldn’t have to… you know.

Yuu: Yeah, but…

Silver: Ah, don’t worry. I know that’s not right. But if I ever start clinging to this dream and I get engulfed by the darkness… Yuu, I want you to stop me. No matter what it takes.

Yuu: Of course.

Silver: ….Thank you. The nights here are cold when it’s sunny during the day. Keep warm and get some rest. Good night.

Baul: We’ll be setting off soon! Hurry up and get ready to go… Uwaah!

Sebek: Good morning….

Baul: Your eyes are all puffy. Did an insect sting you or something?

Sebek: Ah, please don’t mind me. ‘Tis but a bit of edema.

Baul: A-Alright. Fine, as long it’s not any sort of disease. We’ll leave behind anyone who gets sick!

Lilia: Time to head out. Let’s go pay a visit to the “Silver Owl’s” turf.

Baul: The shortest route to their fortress would be going east along the river that runs through the Crimson Plain. However… There aren’t many places to take cover on the plain, and it’s likely we’ll end up running into the “Silver Owl”. Not far from here, to the North, there’s a Mysterium forge. I think we should stop there and have our weapons repaired.

Lilia: And if we want to focus on searching for those missing delegates, scouting the area around Dragon’s Tail Mountain is also an option… Hmm.

Episode 7-67

(Battle map conversation)

Silver: There’s smoke up ahead. It might be a bonfire…

Lilia: Seems the “Iron Ones” are setting up camp. They’re making our beds for us and preparing our dinner, huh. What wonderful hospitality.

Baul: General…

Grim: Wait, they got grub for us!? Then I got no choice, I’ll have to put on my A-game here.

Lilia: That’s what I like to hear. All right, you lot. Let’s take care of one last job and then call it a day. Kishyaaaa!

(Battle map conversation)

Sebek: Sir Baul! I’ve your meal ready for you.

Baul: …I don’t like the food you lot make. Just leave me be.

Lilia: You already ate their food before, shouldn’t matter if you have to eat it again. Now's not the time to be picky.

Baul: Picky? That’s… General, you’re way too indifferent about things.

Lilia: Tsch. This is why I can’t stand you well-bride types  …Pride isn’t going to fill your stomach, you know. …*sigh* Lady Mallenoa always has something to say about food, too. I remember that one time she kept quibbling about something I made her.

Silver: Did you, erm… Did you cook something for her?

Lilia: What? Of course not, I don’t cook.

Sebek / Silver: Huh!?

Lilia: Why are you acting so surprised? If you can eat something raw, there’s no use wasting time cooking it. All I made for Lady Mallenoa that time was some jerky. She wouldn’t stop complaining about it, saying it was too dry and salty and whatever. In the end, Levan stepped in and summoned a pot or something and made her some soup. You know what she had the nerve to say? She told him, “You really are the only one I can count on!” Unbelievable… …I guess he had the edge over me there. Even though I was the only one who brought along something to eat with me.

Baul: Lady Mallenoa ate jerky…? How exactly did that come about?

Lilia: I got caught up in another one of Princess Tomboy’s little whims and we got lost in the forest one night. This was back when Levan, Lady Mallenoa and I were kids, and we hadn’t learned how to fly yet. The forest was covered in a thick fog that night, and we couldn’t see a thing. Levan was absolutely miserable, heh… I’ll never forget his face. But Lady Mallenoa was taking everything in stride. I guess because everything was so new to her, but she was having a lot of fun. Me and Levan were exhausted from walking around all night, but she kept us up until sunrise with her blabbering, saying she just couldn’t sleep… …I’ll probably spend the rest of my life wrapped around her little finger.

Sebek / Silver: ….

Baul: And how did you all end up returning to the castle after that?

Lilia: Some Imperial Guards came and found us the next morning. Even though it was all Lady Mallenoa’s idea, I was the one who got a earful about it… *sigh* …Being friends with that woman is just one pain in the ass after the next.

(Battle map conversation)

Lilia: Wait a sec, look over there.

Baul: They’ve got a wagon and one of those iron golems with them… It’s one of the “Silver Owl’s” platoons!

Lilia: They sure are walking slowly. They must have a lot of goodies loaded up on that cart for us. Looks like they haven’t noticed us yet. Perfect. Let’s go!

Imperial Guards: Gaugauu! Gyarururu!!

Baul: Ha ha ha ha! Look at that! They’re running with their tails between their legs!

Lilia: Kay, let’s see what all they’ve got here. There’s magical stones, food, and… a suit of armor made out of Mysterium. It’s got the Land of Briar’s coat of arms on it.

Baul: Grrrr… Damn them! Damn those “Iron Ones” – every single one of ‘em!

Sebek / Silver: …..

(The Darkness appears)

Grim: Ack!? That black stuff’s here again!

Yuu: It’s coming straight for us!

Silver: The three of us will deal with it. Yuu, get behind me. You ready, Sebek?

Sebek: Naturally. And we’ve no time to waste, let us finish this quickly.

Grim: Nyahahah! Those guys were no match for me!

Sebek: Do not boast over something so trivial! Let us return to Sir Lilia and the others at once.

Silver: Right. We don’t want to get left behind. Yuu, Grim let’s hurry.

(Battle map conversation)

Lilia: The enemy’s fortress is up ahead. We’ll stop here and get something to eat first.

Sebek: Understood. Then we shall begin preparing a meal at once.

Grim: Hey! There’s some tasty lookin’ fruit growin’ on that tree over there!          

Sebek: …There’s a fair amount of them, and they look just ripe for eating. However, they’re located incredibly high up that tree. Now how should we go about collecting them…. Even if we attempt to use our magic, if we should let even one fall to the ground, we’ll alert the enemy to our presence. And we cannot allow that to happen. Be quiet and give up on your quest, Grim.

Grim: Noooooooo! I want me a piece of that fruit!

Lilia: Keep it down, you brats. You’re telling me even though you’re studying magic at school, you can’t even control your powers good enough to pick some fruit? That’s pathetic.

Sebek: Yes, however, there’s a large amount of foliage impeding our way, and to attempt to pick them without making a sound would be…

Lilia: Fine, guess I don’t have a choice. I’ll show you brats how it’s done.

Sebek: T-That’s much too risky! The enemy is in the vicinity. Even for someone of your abilities, Sir Lilia, it’s….

Lilia: Stop worrying. There’s only one time in my life I ever missed my mark.

(Lilia uses his magic)

Grim: Woah, you dropped the fruit right in my lap for me!

Sebek: And he did so in the blink of an eye, with nary a sound…! That was truly splendid, Sir Lilia! To think, someone of your caliber could have ever missed their mark… Just what was it that you were aiming for at the time?

Lilia: Who knows.

Grim: This stuff is super sweet and tasty! *munch munch munch*

Lilia: If you don’t hurry, Grim’s going to eat them all. Here’s one for you, catch.

Sebek: Y-Yes, sir. Thank you.

(Battle map conversation)

Iron One C: Fae! It’s the fae! Capture them!

Baul: Argh! When did they get behind us!?

Sebek: Sir Baul! They’re approaching from the front, as well!

Lilia: Shit, it’s a pincer attack! Split it into two groups and take them down!

Silver: Yes, sir! Yuu, Grim, go take shelter behind that boulder there!

Silver: Haaaaaaah!!

Lilia: Haaah, haaaah… We get all of them?

Silver: Haaa, haaah…. Y-Yes, sir. I think that machine was the last one…!

Lilia: Heh…. You can hardly stand on your feet right now. The shit's about to start hitting the fan, kid. I’m saying this for your own good - scram already. Go back home. You can probably find refuge at the humans' port town up ahead.

Silver: …..No. No, we're staying with you! We aren’t going back home!

Lilia: This is our problem. It has nothing to do with you lot. There’s no reason for you to stick around.

Silver: I do have a reason! Because I’m your….!

Lilia: My what?

Silver: Your so-…….! …At any rate, I just want to…. I just want to help you all.

Lilia: You seriously are a weird little human, saying something like to a fae you just met…. *sigh* If you’re going to get that riled up about it then I’m not going to stop you. Do what you want.

Silver: Yes, sir. I will.

(Battle map conversation)

Lilia: There’s a ghost town up ahead. Let’s take a break at one of the cabins, it’ll at least keep the wind and rain off us.

Sebek: A ghost town…? Don’t tell me, was it destroyed by the “Iron Ones”!?

Lilia: No. Stop jumping to conclusions. Most of the people there worked at the nearby mine… But it shut down after they dug up all the Mysterium. And everyone just up and left after that.

Sebek: I see, so that’s what happened.

 Silver: Wait, these footprints…

Baul: No doubt, they belong to the “Iron Ones”. They’re heading for town. Looks like there’s a good number of them.

Lilia: Ha. Looks like they had the same idea as us. It sucks they beat us to it, but… We’ll just have them set up camp for us. This is our last job for the day. Let’s get to it.

Imperial Guards: Gugiiii!!

Lilia: This place is a mess… But the house is in pretty good condition, all things considered. We’ll camp out here tonight.

Silver: Is that a… spinning wheel over there? I guess the people who lived here must’ve worked at home, in addition to mining.

Lilia: Don’t you go touching that stuff here willy-nilly. This was originally a fae home, and some of the stuff here could be enchanted.

Sebek: However, there’s quite the thick layer of dust about… Perhaps we should clean this place up a bit. There’s a doll lying on the floor over there. It appears to be a… an animal donning a suit of armor? Heh, it’s making quite the gallant expression.

Silver: And check out the wall over there. Looks like they were recording someone’s height as the years passed by. I’m guessing kids must’ve lived here at some point.

Lilia: ….Why the hell do kids have to be so damn messy.

Silver: Do you, erm…  Do you prefer keeping things clean, General Vanrouge?

Lilia: No? I don’t even own enough stuff to make a mess with in the first place. But I already know when Lady Mallenoa’s egg hatches, she’ll be forcing babysitter duty on me. And when that little brat makes a mess, I’m going to be the one who has to clean up after it, right? I’m getting depressed just thinking about it. I hate kids. They’re loud, they do whatever they want, they cry over the littlest thing… And worst of all, they’re weak. I get chills just thinking about looking after something that gets worn out so easily.

Silver: ……..

Sebek: Given the right circumstances, you might change your mind someday. Say if… Say if your family were to grow, for example.

Lilia: My family? I have no intention of having a family. I never have, and I never will… *sigh* I’m exhausted. I’m going to bed.

Baul:  Then I’ll keep watch… And you brats, stop with the meaningless drivel.

(Lilia and Baul depart)

Silver: …Sebek. Thanks for looking out for me.

Sebek: You’ve no reason to thank me. 'Twas simply the truth I spoke.

(Silver Owl’s Fortress)

Sebek: We finally made it. So this is… The “Silver Owl’s” stronghold, then.

Baul: Stop goggling at everything! We’re here as delegates of the Land of Briar. We have to make sure to give off a stately air. Be confident.

Silver: …..It’s strange. There’s a ton of “Iron Ones” outside the fortress, but not a single one in here.

Lilia: …..No! It can’t be!

(The doors slam shut)

Sebek: What!? The doors closed all on their own!

(Something starts rumbling)

Everyone: !!??

Imperial Guard B: Gauuu!?

Lilia: That sound, it's...! Everyone, to arms!

Episode 7-68

Grim: Pfew… Haaa… D-Did we beat it?

Silver: Appears so… Is everyone okay?

Magical Armor: Creaaaak… Groaaaan…

Lilia: !!! Look out!!

(Lilia takes the hit for Silver and collapses)

Silver: Father!!!

Lilia: How many times… Have I told you… don’t call me... “father”…

Sebek: You wretched piece of junk! So you could still move about, eh? How dare you strike Sir Lilia..!? Haaa!!

Silver: No…! Please, pull yourself together!

Baul: Out of the way, human! General, take this potion!

Lilia: Ack… *gulp gulp* …Blech… Haaa…. Shit, that hurts.

Baul: You need to rest! An injury like this isn’t something to take lightly, even for you… Why on earth did you…!

Lilia: …That’s I want to know… Damnit… When I saw Silver was about to get hit, my body just moved on its own.

Baul: You fool! Did you not devote your loyalty, you life, to Lady Mallenoa!? So why… Why would you take a hit for a feeble little human of all things...!?

Lilia: I know, I know… This isn’t like me at all…

Silver: General Vanrouge…!

Lilia: Listen, boys. The moment you think you’ve won is when you’re at your most vulnerable. Don’t forget that.

Silver: Yes, sir…!

Lilia: Oh, would you quit it with the sniveling. I drank the potion, didn’t I? I just to rest for a little bit, and then I’ll be good as new.

Silver: (I knew it. Even in a dream, you’re still… You really are still my…!)

Imperial Guard B: ….Gyaooo! Gyaooou!

Baul: What did you say? Neither Henrick nor the “Knight of Dawn” are here!?

Lilia: …This isn’t looking good…

Imperial Guard A: Kishyaaa!

Baul: Messenger! You’ve returned!

Imperial Guard A: Gyagyaaa! Shyaaa!

Baul: W-What on earth…! General, I have news! Briar Castle has been… Briar Castle has been completely surrounded by the “Silver Owl”, and Henrick and the “Knight of Dawn” are leading the charge!

Silver / Sebek: Wha-…!

Lilia: ….!

Part 1

Part 2

Please note: We will not know what the proper translations of the new places and character names introduced in this chapter are until the official English localizations are revealed, so please take my translations of them with a heavy grain of salt.

#twst spoilers #lilia vanrouge #baul zigvolt #twst silver #sebek zigvolt #twst #twisted wonderland #the ruler of the abyss

[tootiecakes234]

Shoto Todoroki Comfort

(Reupload)

Warnings: none. Just fluffy friendship

Today had been one of those days, where if it could go wrong it went wrong.

You woke up late for class, and the reason for that being you didn’t charge your phone last night. So not only are you late for class, but now you have no phone to text or call anyone . 

You eventually do make it and you start to think the worst is over. That is, until you get to your next class and you have a pop quiz over material you don’t even remember covering. 

You make it to lunch and realize, you forgot your lunch that you packed as well as your debit card in the rush of leaving that morning. 

At this point if anything else happens you were gonna give up!

So of course something else happens! In what world would the universe let you have a win today. You start cramping. Signs of Mother Nature about to make her grand entrance! 

That’s it, that’s when the first few tears fall. It was all too much and everything felt like it was coming down on you at once. You were frustrated, hungry, and cramping. The worst combination in history.

Your initial response was to go home and bury yourself in your bed, but your feet took you elsewhere. Before you knew it, you were at you best friend, Shoto’s place’ knocking on the door. You didn’t actually want to be alone right now.

When he came to the door a wave of relief washed over you just laying eyes on him. 

“ Hi."

"Hi."

He steps aside and lets you in. This is your second home. You and Shota had gotten so close these last few months and you were over constantly.

You go straight to his bathroom, raid his medicine cabinet for painkillers and then climb into his bed, bundling yourself in his blankets. He sits down on the edge of his bed and picks up the controller he was previously using to play his video game.

Shoto is not the person to pick up on your emotional state or social cues, so he doesn't even realize you're upset. 

" How was class?"

" Shitty. This entire day had been shitty. I feel like death!"

He paused his game and turned around to look at you.

"What happened?"

You explain the day from hell that you've had and near the end he turns around and starts pecking at his phone.

" Oh, is my pain and suffering boring you?? im sorry I bothered you with my troublesome woes."

" Huh? Oh, Sorry.... Apparently when someone is feeling overwhelmed, physical touch can help them feel grounded."

You looked at him a little baffled. 

" Is that what you were looking up on your phone just now?"

He gets up and starts climbing in on the other side of the bed. 

"Mhmm."

He doesn't say anything else. He just situates himself next to you and wraps his arm around your balled up form.

" Shoto..... are you.... trying to.... cuddle....me??"

" Yes. Is it working?"

That gets a nice, long, hardy laugh out of you. You laugh until tears start falling, and once they start, they don't stop. The dam you had built to hold everything back that day started to break. 

" Am I hurting you? Why are you crying? Do you want me to let you go?"

His voice sounded so worried now. He never knew what to do when you cried around him.

" No. please. Can we stay like this f-for a w-while?"

" Ok."

You snuggle in closer to him, and let your tears soak his shirt. He doesn't complain. Just holds you while you get it all out.

Sho realizes that you're running a little cold, and he knows he keeps his room a little chilly. He starts to use him hot side to warm you up a bit. You shiver from the amazing warmth spreading over you. 

"Thank you, you're the best friend anyone could ask for."

That's the last thing you remember before you fall asleep. You have a sound dreamless nap. When you wake up, you're still burrowed in Shoto's chest. You look up and see his calm sleeping face. He'd fallen asleep holding you. 

You stayed just like this for as long as you could, soaking up the affection. It was great until your stomach started screaming at you. You still hadn't eaten. When you try and gently remove yourself a blue eye pops open and look at you. 

Damn, it was worth a shot. 

Before you can even respond, your stomach growls loud enough for him to hear.

" Do you wanna go get soba?" He says all with his voice all groggy from sleep.

" Yes please.... Thank you for being there for me Shoto. I really needed that. I feel a lot better now."

" Good, Im glad. Google comes through once again."

You both chuckle at that. Shoto might not be the best with emotions, but he always finds a way to make you feel better.

This is my first time writing for Todoroki and I honestly hope did him justice. I wanted to write for someone different. 

Thanks for the prompt @blablabla0-0

#mha fanfiction #shoto todoroki #shoto x reader #mha fluff #mha scenarios #fluff #best friends

[heyitsoak]

knuckles is life and im in the hurt hurt zone rn SOOO how about some fluffy knuckles hcs with a s/o who is always like

They're super optimistic all the time and get excited about EVERYTHING like absolutely anything fascinates them and they give compliments and affection all the time n basically just. Pure sunshine being. Though they kinda get into trouble without realizing it sometimes and will come home w the craziest (and concerning) stories all while keeping this face :D

They have so much energy that sometimes they just kinda. Spontaneously overcharge. And the rest have to look for them for near hours just to find them sound asleep knocked out behind the couch

ty<3

JAKAKWKW I LOVE THIS SM 😭 AND I STARTED LAUGHING AND GETTING ALL GIDDY WHEN I WAS LOOKING AT THOSE CAT PICTURES, THEYRE SO CUTE AND FUNNY

AND YOU SHALL NOT BE UPSET, I WILL NOT ALLOW IT >:( SO I WILL GIVE YOU FLUFFY KNUCKLES HCS TO MAKE YOU HAPPY >:DD

Fluffy Knuckles Hcs With a S/O who is extremely hyper!

MasterList

You are literally so insanely hyper, I don’t even know how Knuckles can keep up with you

Yet Knuckles loves you so much <33 You’re the best thing to ever happen to him

You talk so much and so fast that most of the time he can’t even keep up or understand half of what you say, he just nods and goes “uh huh” as you keep ranting in excitement

You are just a ray of sunshine and can make anyone happy just by talking to them yet you tend to get into trouble without meaning too..

A large majority of the time you come home with the most concerning stories and the craziest animals in your arms and Knuckles has no idea how to respond

One time you came home with a raccoon huddled in your hoodie and everyone turned to you.

It was like that one scene from ICarly with the milkshake

“Um (Name)… Whatcha got there?”

“A smoothie.”

Tom immediately freaked out when he saw the raccoon and wanted you to get rid of it, but you refused to do so. You claimed that the raccoon is now your son and you make Knuckles go along with it

So despite Tom’s pleads for you to get rid of him, you and Knuckles now have a raccoon

If you have a pet cat, you will most likely chase them around the house as if it’s a game of tag (I do this, my cat screams at me if I don’t chase her around the house like a mad man)

Knuckles would be sitting on the couch watching you run around the house chasing the small animal, he thinks this is adorable though

You’re constantly complementing or giving affection to Knuckles and he secretly loves it, it just makes his heart go <333

He can’t even describe with words how much he loves you :’)

It makes him so happy seeing you talk so excitedly about something with such a happy face :D

You casually walk into the Wachowski home holding a hissing possum and your face is just :D

“No no no no, we are not keeping another wild animal!”

“:(“

“…Fine”

“:D”

The house would become a zoo because of you

You’re like a dog or cat that has the zoomies, always moving around, can’t stay still

But whenever you end up getting tired you just pass out immediately, you’re out cold

Doesn’t matter where you are, you’re falling asleep

So whenever you fall asleep most of the time they have no idea where you could be since you normally fall asleep in the weirdest places

They’ll be searching for you late at night only to find you conked out behind the couch, Knuckles will have to carry you to bed and nine times out of ten you don’t remember what happened before you fell asleep

But Knuckles loves you regardless, you make his life so much brighter and interesting <3

I finished it yaaay!! :D i hope you like it! Also I feel like if you showed Knuckles those cat photos from the beginning he wouldn’t understand them but he’d laugh or smile at them just because you are :’D

#x reader #x reader headcanons #headcanons #movie sonic x reader #sonic headcanons #sonic movie 2 #sonic x reader #sonic 2 #sonic the hedgehog #sonicmovie #knuckles wachowski #knuckles x reader #movie knuckles #knuckles the enchilada

[fireylesbianhell]

i’m having thoughts about my boy

sorry newsies moots but it’s solace time baby

• William Andrew Solace was born in Texas but has tempratlily lived in and been too; New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Nevada, California, Washington, New York, and later on in life Massachusetts and Maine. The only states he vividly remembers when he was young was New Mexico and Nevada, as they spent the longest time there besides Texas.

• Will left to camp when his mother stopped in new york and a monster attack very close to camp happened and the nearest satyr recognized him as a half-blood, dragging him with the other demigods (i headcannon one of them was Drew And that’s how those two met) and was introduced. He found his mother again and was able to stay there after some plot stuff i will flesh…later.

• cat person he is such a cat person he’s a golden retriever boy yes but he’s a cat person i’m sorry i’m right i am i know him he told me

• Will did get bullied when he went to a public school for a short time in new Mexico for being/acting “Gay” and it stuck with him a bit as he was worried what camp half blood would be like. but the camp was very friendly and he adapted fairly quickly after his siblings supported his coming out

• Will is Bi to me, and i feel he figured out fairly easily. Naomi wasn’t as religious as her parents and her traveling gave her a wider world veiw, so she wasn’t exactly homophobic but didn’t really let will know gay people existed. he kinda just got context clues along the way.

• Will came out to naomi when he was 14 and she accepted him, after some suprise and tears. it was confusing for both of them but she wasn’t angry.

• Will goes though whipped cream like a maniac. he puts it on everything. everything. i don’t know where i got this headcannon from but it’s mine now it’s my baby his favorite dessert is literally just reddi whip striaght into his mouth and nico is always absoloutley horrified whenever he finds his boyfriend straight up drinking reddi whip out of the fridge after a late night at the hospital wing.

• WORKAHOLIC!! BIGGEST WORKAHOLIC!!! EVER!!! does NOT take breaks does NOT talk about his own feelings. major case of therapist friend with no therapy

• Nico summons skeletons to help will with studying sometimes, hey, it’s better than a textbook

• Due to all the Shit He’s Seen, will isn’t really freaked out by nico or macabre at all. as to contrast, nico hates medical stuff and finds it kinda freaky

• Will has a very Work for what you get attitude and seeing his mother scrape by and work herself up made will similarly hardworking, independent and self sufficient. But he’s also a stubborn bastard who would rather take and remove a bullet then let someone help him either work wise or financially. It got even worse as he became the head of his cabin so much younger with so many younger kids to take care if

• Living in new mexico for as long as they did Naomi decided it was a good idea to have will learn at least some spanish when he was young and he picked up on it nicely, and decided to continue. he’s fairly fluent now and loves freaking Leo out all the time by talking to him in spanish when nobody else is around and he can’t prove it.

• Did also have a minor crush on percy, but mostly as a “woah look at that guy holy shit” and loved teasing annabeth about it (“If YOU love him so much why do you want us to get her together?” “nooo you guys are my OTP i’m not having that up just because he’s hot” <- COMPLETELY REAL INTERACTION THEY E HAD MHM TRUST ME BRO)

• Wants to pick up on some italian so he can do the same thing he does with leo to nico

• TRANSGENDER AND AUTISTIC IM NOT ELABORATING FUCK YOU ( i do have reasons but this is more fun)

• Favorite vide game is a tie between tetris and Majoras mask

• Favorite TV show was Malcom in the Middle as a kid and now is greys anatomy /j/j/j/j but i can gaurentee he hate watches it with the apollo cabin all the time

• Suprisingly fine with plants, yes sunflowers do look at him and everyone makes fun of him for it

okay i’m done (i’m a liar i’m not done but i am about to pass out sooo)

#will solaceblr #will solace #pjo #hoo #toa #Solangelo #Apollo cabin #cabin 7 #william andrew solace #tsats #pjo headcannons

[devilscastle69]

Weaponized Incompetence

hi guys i started watching the devil is a p@rt t!mer the other day and im obsessed

i hope u enjoy

dust allergy, luc//ifer (urush//ihara)

“ihSChh!” 

Alciel turns to face the disturbance and has to actually angle his gaze downwards when he remembers how short Lucifer is. The hikikomori is idly rubbing his nose, feather duster trailing on the floor in his other hand. “You’re supposed to be cleaning, Urushihara.” he chastises.

“I think I’m allergic to dust.” He frowns.

Alciel’s eye twitches at the excuse. “You’re always trying to get out of doing anything! It’s disgraceful. Maou-sama deserves to come home to a clean castle. It’s bad enough he’s providing for us!” He wrings out his lord’s durable whitey-tighties over the sink. “It’s the very least you can do.”

“The least I can do is nothing.”

“Oh, you’ve already done something!”

Lucifer weighs his options with a sigh. There’s no way Alciel will let him enjoy himself in peace until the chores are done, not with how worked up he’d been all day after a few cracks from Emi about his housekeeping coupled with seeing the charges to their bank account—so he’d ordered a few online games, sue him. “But it’s—”

“And when you’re done dusting, you can vacuum.”

“I can’t do it like you. I’ll probably make a bigger mess—”

“Enough!” Alciel clips damp clothes to the clothesline and whips his head around and bears his fangs. “Hurry up! He’ll be home in a half hour.”

Lucifer grimaces at the dust coating the feathers. Most of it had remained from 

previous usage. It darkened them so much that they almost match his wings in terms of color. This has been a pointless waste of his time; he’s sure this isn’t doing much other than taking dust from one area and moving it to a new one. “hH’KxSHh!” Even thinking about it is apparently enough to make him sneeze again. “It’s filthy,” he complains.

“Go shake it outside!” Alciel yells, pointing at the door. 

The nerve of this guy. Outside? In the sun? Where there could be people? 

Fine. 

He sighs and reconciles with himself. After this, he’ll play his new PC games. He has

animals to take care of. Trees to plant. Lands to reign over. Soon enough, Alciel will be too busy fawning over Satan for him to be up his ass. It’ll only be another hour maximum. 

He shields his eyes from the sun, even though there’s decent cloud coverage and the temperature outside is almost identical to the one inside the Devil’s Castle. As he shakes out the duster, his eyes begin to water and thus confirm his suspicions. He tries to hold his breath, but he has a feeling it’s too late if the burning itch spreading through his nasal passages is any indication.

“hih’ISCHh! Hehh…hhihtcshh’ih!” Curse this human body. This is terrible. He has to sniffle to keep his nose from running but it has the unpleasant side effect of making the tickle reignite. He scrubs his nose against his shoulder and beats the duster on the rail again. The fallen archangel is no match for the angry cloud of dust that wafts in front of his face. “Tschh! KSChh! heh’ihSCh! h’EDtSZCHhh!” 

This is miserable.

He heads back in, head bent from the dizziness following the intensity of the sneezing fit. Even through the budding congestion, he can smell the concoction of chemicals Alciel has started using to clean the kitchen sink in the minute it's taken him to accomplish his task

“Hey, you’re not combi’ding bleach and ammbo’dia, are you?” 

“What?” 

Lucifer points at the various bottles on the countertop rather than attempt to repeat himself. 

“Of course I’m not! I would never be so careless!” Alciel yells back, double checking the labels anyway. “See? They’re all—”

“HhGHT-! Tschhiew…!”  

Alciel frowns at the intensity of the poorly restrained sneeze. “Why don’t you switch to vacuuming?” 

Lucifer sniffles and hands Alciel the feather duster. Hop off my dick, he thinks with another sniffle. They have no tissues thanks to Alciel’s “budgeting,” so he heads off to grab some toilet paper. 

“Where are you going?”

“Are you kiddi’gg?” he mutters, stifling another sneeze before closing the bathroom door behind him. He blows his nose and is disgusted by how much toilet paper he has to go through before he can breathe through his nose again. And even then…

“Ihh’Khshhh! Huhh…” He coughs dryly into the folded up toilet paper before blowing his nose again. Maybe if he’s quiet enough in here, Alciel will forget about him. He sits himself against the wall furthest from the toilet and tries to breathe evenly so he doesn't trigger another sneeze. He rests his head between his knees and cups clean toilet paper over his nose and tries to get some relief from the worsening sinus pressure. Might as well let his nose run freely instead of attempting to blow it every thirty seconds. 

What a pain. He almost wishes they’d have unwanted company just to get Alciel off his back. Too bad he hadn’t brought the laptop in here with him. With it, he’d probably be able to stay here for at least three days. 

“Urushihara! Stop slacking off!” 

“I’mb sorry my health is—h’KSCHh’hiu! Ugh. Of n’doh co’dcernd to you.”

“I can’t understand what you're saying. Open this door!”

Lucifer’s head feels like it’s pounding as if Alciel’s first has been banging directly against his temple rather than on the door. He has no choice but to oblige. “If I vaccuumb, will you leave mbe alonde?”

Alciel gives him a once over. “Are you crying?”

Lucifer scowls and pushes past him, easily dodging the retaliatory shove aimed in his direction. He grabs the vacuum and finds the switch, and—the bag is full. “What a pain,” he bemoans. “You used it last, Alciel!”

“Call me Ashiya!”

“It’s just us,” he mutters, sniffling again. “Can’t you switch this out?”

“I have dinner on the stove!”

Lucifer shudders at the thought of having udon yet again. If he suggests ordering out, he knows it’ll just result in more headache, so he kneels down to replace the bag. There are only so many buttons on the thing, it’s obviously the one in the middle. He’s a whiz with technology. A natural. As is expected of a NEET. This should be—

Poof.

Yeah, no he fucked up. 

The bag spills everywhere and Alciel shrieks at the mess.  It’s all over Lucifer’s face, and he doesn’t have time to get a single word out before he's overcome with a sneezing fit. “Heh’edzshhu! Kxsch! Tchh’ih-tschh!-tschh! h’KSCHhh!” 

“If you didn’t know how, you should’ve asked,“ Alciel lectures.

He holds up his hand to wave him off, unable to do much else other than try to get a breath in between the rapid sneezes. “hih’hHdtSChh! Ih’tchh!-kschh! Huhh!- hhihIHTShh!”

“Oh wow,” he says, tone changing abruptly, “You’re really allergic.”

Lucifer manages to shoot him a death glare with the two seconds he’s able to keep his eyes open before he jerks forward with another sneeze. Of course the earlier torture hadn’t been enough. “hehhySChh’ih!” he sneezes, voice cracking in desperation halfway through.

“Here, go wash your face, I’ll clean this up,” Alciel says, managing to sound guilty rather than amused. 

The barrage of sneezing relents enough to let him get up to run to the bathroom. The floor hadn’t been particularly dirty before he’d attempted to vacuum, but it certainly is now. 

“Hehdt’SCHH! Huhh..”

He flushes his eyes with water and then washes his face, the curtain of bangs in front of his eye getting dampened in the process. He buries his face in the nearby washcloth and immediately sneezes again. His throat is starting to become sore from it all, too. But something tells him his suffering will not be in vain. There’s no way they’ll pester him to clean again after this.

“Welcome home, My Lord!”

Lucifer steps out of the bathroom to see Alciel back over the stove. It’s alarming how adept he’s gotten at these chores. It doesn’t even make sense for him to need help. The floor is spotless again like nothing had happened.

“MgRonalds is doing an employee of the month program, and it comes with a bonus!” The Former Demon King and current part-time MgRonalds employee announces. If Lucifer weren’t so distracted right now, his ears would prick up at the word bonus almost as much as Alciel’s do. He starts to praise the endeavor when Lucifer’s nose betrays him again. It doesn’t matter that the allergen is long gone, the damage has already been done.

“hgSChh!”

“—just know you’ll be able to—”

“ihhtSChhiu!”

“—and hard work—”

“ihh’tSChh! KXSch!-tschh! Ihshh!”

“Are you okay, Urushihara?” 

Lucifer gives him a lackluster thumbs-up before sneezing again. Satan takes a few steps forward and brings the back of his knuckles to the exposed part of Lucifer’s forehead. The urge to sneeze that’d been building recedes from the suddenness of the gesture, leaving his nose twitching in annoyance. 

“He’s allergic to housework,” Alciel explains.

“Allergic to duh-dust.” Lucifer sniffles indignantly. “And ih’KSCHh! -a’dd guess what he made me do?” He at least manages to cover the sneeze in time, though his shirt is starting to look patchy with different portions of it darkened with spray. 

Satan pats his head. “And yet, you did it anyway. Thank you for helping.”

“I’mb older thand you,” Lucifer hisses under his breath.

“From now on…I will do the dusting!”

“No, Sire!” Alciel protests,  “It is my job to keep up with the housework. I will ensure it gets done!”

It’s so tacky. Lucifer walks away as they have a heated moment and returns to his place in front of the computer. His nose may be beyond fucked, but even he can smell the burning from the kitchen.

“Oh no! It’s my fault, I got distracted!”

“It’s okay, we’ll figure something else out. Or I’m sure it tastes…umm…”

“I’mb orderi’gg a pizza!” he says hoarsely. And for once, nobody protests.

#sneeze kink #snz #snz fic #sneeze fic #allergy snz #dust allergy

[girlweepinginstairwell]

hi yaz 🍊 (<-for u) right now im going through that awkward friendless period of my life and have been for a while. i've been following you for a long time and wondered if you had any words of wisdom for those of us in the thick of it. thank you ❣️

(p.s - from what we see online you've seemed really well lately, and its genuinely very encouraging. thanks 4 spreading the joy)

hi! so sorry for letting this ask sit there for a bit... i wanted to make sure i could answer it thoughtfully! 🌟 i ended up writing more than i expected so i apologize if this comes across as a bit wordy.

first of all, thank you so much! it really means a lot to me to hear this... i am literally just Random Girl Online so i’m truly honored & i think you’re incredibly sweet to say so 😭💝

secondly, i’m sorry you’re feeling this way! it’s a miserable place to be emotionally & difficult to talk about... but i promise promise promise you will not feel this way forever. i was so lonely it hurt for a very long time, i guess if you’ve followed me for a while you probably remember. like it was PAINFUL how unpeopled my life was, and i was really embarrassed by it too because no one else seemed to be going through it quite so badly. but honestly, i think... most people actively are or once were lonelier than they are willing to admit, so it’s not an experience that’s awkward at all, and not something indicative of there being anything wrong with you specifically (which is all too easy a conclusion to come to), and it is definitely, DEFINITELY is not going to be this bad always. there are so many lovely people in this world who are just on the cusp of entering your life without your even realizing it yet... at one point last year i took a second to look around me & it suddenly occurred to me that things had gotten so much better for me in a way i genuinely never imagined during the worst of my loneliness, that completely unexpectedly i had come to know a good number of people i liked and cared about.

mostly all i can encourage you to do is to be around people in whatever way u can even if you don’t currently have a circle of friends to turn to. if your school or a local museum or a similar institution is holding some kind of lecture, attend it even if u don’t know anyone else who’s going! you might strike up a conversation with a stranger u unexpectedly get along with and make plans to get to know each other better, or you might just get to lightly chat with a lot of people who u never see again. both of these things are nice in different ways. if your workplace is holding a little potluck for someone’s birthday, go even if it’s just for the sake of having cake and cooing over photos of your coworker’s new puppy. text friends who live in the area who u haven’t seen in years, spend the afternoon at the park together & see if you want to make room in each other’s lives for these new versions of yourselves you’ve grown into. sign up for art classes where u can struggle through something you’re unfamiliar with alongside others who are struggling through it the same way & bond over this for a few hours each week. be the first person to text in a groupchat of people u only sort of know. tag along to study with someone from your class at the library & see if it becomes a regular thing with other people from the same class. maybe you won’t befriend all the people you go out of your way to interact with, but chances are you can and will befriend a few of them! and even if it doesn’t end up working out, a little camaraderie goes a long way in pulling a person out of the pits of despair.

if literally none of the above is an option for u in any way whatsoever right now, just try your best to keep going anyway. which sounds stupid probably, i’m sorry; i would have been CRAZY irritated if anyone told me this when i was so lonely i could hardly think about anything else. but i read a lot of poetry, i played a lot of video games, i watched a lot of movies, i spent so much time out of doors watching the birds and trees, i talked to my relatives more than ever before, i messaged some mutuals so often they turned into genuine online friendships that meant the world to me then and mean the world to me still. it hurt that i didn’t have people to share any of this with the way i wanted to but i still experienced a lot of really nice moments when i was alone & in some ways i feel more equipped to deal with loneliness after living through so much of it because i know now that i’m capable of enjoying things even in the throes of isolation. resilience isn’t sustainable and i sincerely hope you don’t need to be resilient about this for much longer, but your life is not on hold, and if u just keep going i believe you will still experience lots of meaningful and good things until your social life starts to pick up, at which point u will experience lots of other meaningful and good things!

also i guess i already mentioned this and definitely feel free to ignore this bit if it doesn’t apply to you, but be careful not to fall into the trap of thinking this is somehow your fault or because there is something inherently off-putting about you! this is absolutely not the case… not having enough or even any friends is just something that happens sometimes. it’s a much more common experience than it feels like & there is nothing wrong with you! believing this and giving in to the shame will cause you undue pain and isolate you further when people reach out or enter your life if you feel you aren’t deserving of friendship because whatever shape your insecurities happen to take. so just... try and be kind to yourself. this is something i struggled with a lot & that’s why i bring it up, but again, you can totally disregard it if it doesn’t align with your own experiences.

i guess that’s all for now! i don’t think i’m saying anything new, so i don’t know how helpful any of this was. i mostly just hope it wasn’t pedantic! i was trying to think of things that genuinely worked for me or things i would like to tell me of a couple years ago if i could speak to her somehow, and i ended up writing a lot because this is a topic that means a lot to me. basically i just mean to say u will be okay! with time and effort and a little bit of luck you will be okay & you will find yourself surrounded by the nicest friends and acquaintances who genuinely really like you and who you genuinely really like in return. loneliness is just something that comes and goes... sometimes it is a little harder and more painful to get through than other times but it never lasts forever. i hope you take care of yourself & i hope it all starts to work out really well, really soon ❣️ love u

#oh it also occurs to me that i have a lot of readings about this sort of thing by people a lot more eloquent than me... #so let me know if you’d like me to compile those or anything like that! #asks

[ariesbilly]

misc. tag game

tagged by @blood-mocha-latte

a band you don’t like that many others do:

maneskin... tried a couple songs, wanted to like them.... cant do it

a childhood memory that you remember vividly:

this costume contest i refused to enter because my costume was boring and i knew i was gonna lose by the adults were like "no just join come on itll be fun" and i was like... already consumed by the darkness at that point lmfao and i sat watching everyone crying. fun! lmfao

least favorite animal and why:

i hate a snake. i respect their role in the ecosystem but dont you ever put one near me. dont put one within 5 miles of me. no. i dont trust anything that slithers bitch aint got no legs! i dont like that. and the striking? dont like that either. i have to stop talking about them now im genuinely uncomfortable

hot fandom take:

steve harrington is not a good character. he is badly written. yall only like him cuz you think joe is hot. thats literally it. the man has literally zero positive qualities. apply this to every other loved st character as well theyre all bad the show sucks i hope everyone dies

do you were any jewelry, if so, what’s your favorite piece:

i wear a friendship bracelet and a rope bracelet i got on a cruise (i forgot what theyre called. sailor bracelets or something?) and thats about the extent of my jewelry wearing

a movie others liked but you didn’t:

i don't think i've ever cognitively watched a movie and thought that i loved it or hated it. i'm usually just like Well That Sure Was A Movie. <- im keeping prevs because thats what wildest thing ive ever read in my life i need to study you lmfao as for my answer, insidious movies are bad. youre next is bad. many movies this website loves i havent even seen but i know they are bad thats why i havent watched them.

three things you love about yourself:

my hair is getting real cute lately. i am a huge bitch. i stare at my butt a lot i think its fun

a place you hope to visit in the future and why:

italyyyy i want to trace my roots

an actor that gets on your nerves and why:

idk if theres actors i have beef with for their personality lmao several i dont like because they are overhyped and im sick of seeing them. ariana grande she counts as an actress i cant stand her lmfao the vibes are rancid also stop dating married (taken) men its gross its weird

things you’re excited for in the nearby future?:

for my dog to finally be healed from her surgery cuz god its a lot of working making sure she dont pop her stitches

least favorite ship in a fandom you’re in:

if stancy is endgame im setting fires to buildings i want you all to know this. also fuck a steddie and a ronance but that goes without saying

what’s the most toxic fandom you’ve been in?:

stranger things. riverdales a close second but stranger things... you are all genuinely mentally unwell i would like to speak to your therapists and tell them shit aint working

list three things you find beautiful about life:

the ocean my best friend the ocean. animals just be out here looking for pets... brings a tear to my eye. im really struggling for a third life is bad lmfao my best friend? thats it.

any dreams for the future?

i try not to think about the future it gives me panic attacks

how are you really feeling today?

sleepy

tagging (no pressure): @panickedpenguin @avalonlights @ihaveacorgi @imsodishy

[sempiternities]

march

I don't lie anymore, but I change. I am unreliable. I still can't consolidate my identity. I can’t just be one thing. I’ve grown, and become better, and yet i catch glimpses of myself in the rear view mirror, and miss it. The mess, the chaos, the gravity. And i like the peace I have built. I do. And it has to be better for me. But, it always feels slightly hollow. Like I'm pretending. that i'm naive. that it's all just another game, that wastes away the days. I don't really know, anymore. 

Sometimes, I am just a child. Sometimes im a monster. Well, never in action, but sometimes in thought. Not recently though, not for awhile. But I can't say its not there. And I have been insane. Strangely, i find myself missing it more and more, lately. Because at least then, i seemed to be driven by a mission, or goal, despite its lack of grounding in reality. 

I’ve been seeking out me in other things. Looking for the things that stop me in my tracks, and i can point to it and say, “look, do you see me?” I am not this body, or this face. I am the colors of the pictures i paint, and the songs that sing and vibrate through my body. I find myself in the insane. Sometimes, in the tragic. I find myself in the idea of love. But not love itself. or, maybe i do. I just cant feel it, right now. 

I am the songs of the 60s. The songs that sound like sunshine and white walls bathed in blood. Changing times. Youth destroyed by false idols. worshiping those who give you love when you need it. I see myself in the yellow patterned wallpapers, and shabby carpets that smell of lives lived. I am free and all encompassing love, of no boundaries. Body and soul. But also the sinister darkness that emerges in the shadow of the lack of it. I am that starved child, who just wishes to be held. A child that sits in the solace of parents that don’t say what they really think. a child that grows up believing everyone is a puzzle. and puzzles always need to be cracked. 

Sometimes you hear something for the first time, and wonder how it has existed along side you all this time, only now discovering it. I heard a song last night, mama, that made me turn, and twist my head. my memories are aloof, and don’t tend to stick around. They need to be inspired, or called forth, to be seen. Im looking out a window, from another time. I remember the parallels of my thoughts. I remember considering when future me would look back through my eyes, of these moments. Often, i remember the thoughts more clearly than the memories themselves. Everything painted in the color of emotion. 

But all i have is who i am. Right? Isn't that how this works? We cant separate ourselves. Maybe we can. Maybe I will try to do that. To write of myself without myself. Maybe i can be the backdrop, or the stage on which stories play out. 

Why can i only hear planes when the sun is out? Why do they sound like summer?

 And sometimes i realize i don't really have anyone else to talk to. No one that i can really be honest with. I wonder how many others feel the same. But you can't just open up with anyone. you need certain people. i must just need to keep waiting. and working. i guess. because i can't do anything as casual as find what i need out in the wild. or maybe i can. but i don't want to play in the desperation of seeking. i don't want to waste my time trying to find someone to keep my bed warm, because it won't be enough. i don't think i can let anyone else in, except one person. and maybe the people that read what i write. But even then, i avoid writing about the ugly things. Because still, i do not want to burden you with the darkness from which i come. I won't tell you so you won't have to take it in, and ingest it, and face the truth. people are happier when they think you're happy. but when you aren't, they usually don't care enough anyway. it depends where you meet them, though. there are those solid, and made of love. they are just unfortunately, seemingly an endangered species. 

i think we do everything for the exceptional moments. those things that only happen 1% of the time, or maybe even only once. Our lives tend to be shaped around these moments, defined by their before, and after. that's just what i've come to believe, because i've seen it. i think this world is tied down to numbers, statistics, and percentages. i think things fall into three categories, while simultaneously falling into all. it goes like this: 50/50, 80/20, 99/1. the first category, are the doers, and the do-not’ers. out of the ones that do, there will always be a top 20% of the highest achievers. and then, even deeper, we will find the one, who’s aptitude is only rivaled by all others, their capacity exponentially larger. But i don't intend this in a broad meaning. i think these talents are micro systems of ourselves. even a genius lacks in other areas - but perhaps that also means that there must be one person in the top 1% who is yet the top 1% of that group, and perhaps it is their knowledge that rivals that of the entire world. maybe simply, that one is god. maybe that is how our ultimate hierarchy is structured. and though i have come to believe in the numbers, i too believe that other realities must be categorically different. our system is a simple example of a fundamental truth of a subjective reality. it is my experienced truth, but other realities, by the nature of infinities, must be structured in a variety of ways (well, really an infinite amount of ways). perhaps even within this shared reality, others do not experience life in the same code that i do, the same number patterns. but then again, it can be parsed into the numbers, now only for personality traits, upbringing, and all the other factors which make us who we are. but maybe my gods are different than yours, to which i argue there must be reason in. statistically, we do not all agree in our beliefs. maybe my views are niche due to the mathematical statistical probability of it arising from a specific upbringing. perhaps there are other recipes which arrive at the same result. different fractions of ingredients to make us who we are. and you know what i mean, when you meet someone from another life who shares your same soul. but you might also not yet know, because maybe you are still in the before part of your life. maybe your match has not yet been made. you would know it if it has.

#mine #sempiternities #philosophy #writing #thoughts #poetry #prose

[kohakhearts]

ok i was sleep deprived tweeting about this but i got at least 6 hours of sleep last night so im ready to approach this with a degree of normalness. anyway remember when i said i was going to start shipping bloombolt ironically. well lets just say ive been thinking about things they have in common LMFAO but you’re likely unsurprised this is actually my way of saying Here’s How ShigeGou Can Still Win-

ANYWAY THE POINT BEING. goh? terrible friend. god he sucks. actually, chloe doesn’t even consider him a friend, at least not to his face (probably because he thinks friends are a hinderance to his goals and he’s got a lot of problems that make him think he doesn’t need friends he just needs to be the Bestest Coolest Guy Ever Who Knows Everything About Pokemon). in their debut episode they are 6 years old and she introduces him as someone who “hangs around my dad’s lab a lot” (possibly could be “comes to play at my dad’s lab a lot,” which isn’t REALLY much better - still holds the implication that he comes to play with her dad’s pokemon or his cool pokemon-related technology rather than her). she says to professor oak she invited him to pokemon camp simply because he’s always at her dad’s lab and she knew he’d like it.

ok now hear me out here. aside from the fact that she doesn’t EVER call herself goh’s friend, there is zero indication that chloe dislikes goh. actually, she tries pretty hard for him! she clearly likes him, or at least feels bad for him because she can tell he’s lonely (i theorize this is because he’s just like her. that her father’s status as what professor oak himself in this same scene calls A GENIUS has resulted in her feeling somewhat isolated. it’s probably in that “adults always want to talk about how great my dad is and the other kids pick up on it and think i’m Weird And Annoying because all our teachers and their parents seem to think i’m Special” way). it seems that her refusal to acknowledge that they Are friends stems more from the fact that she is aware - perhaps from experience - that attempting to establish that they Are friends will only make him push back, and maybe push her away. she is playing a game with rules that he decided on because his Complex is so ingrained in him even at 6 years old that he tells her to her face I Don’t Need Friends >:(

if this is sounding at all familiar, perhaps you’ve heard my pallet childhood friends spiel. if not, not to worry, for i wrote all about it here. the tl;dr here however is that whether or not ash and gary being childhood friends who go like see movies together or whatever is a late-series addition, there’s actually no good reason to think they DON’T have some kind of established relationship prior to the season one pilot. actually, it seems more as though gary has made the decision for the both of them that it’s time to stop being kids and start being serious - on the day they get their first pokemon, he declares ash his rival and begins calling him satoshi-kun in order to establish that we are not friends, you don’t take this seriously and so i won’t take you seriously until you show me you’re worth being my rival.

you could argue ash isn’t as understanding as chloe, so rather than you know, bringing him his homework and whatnot, he just gets pissed off. HOWEVER, they actually both do the same thing: reach out, constantly, and get rejected over and over. in jn002 goh stands chloe up and then when he finally responds to her messages all he says is essentially “i’m doing something more important than that, sorry” and her reaction is “he always does this.” likewise, ash takes gary’s rival declaration seriously! every time he sees the guy, he wants to battle, to prove himself to him (that he’s worthy, that he’s better than gary thinks, etc etc). for a good 200 or so episodes, every time gary shows up, all he does is walk away from ash. barring that, making fun of him for being no good at battling, yet never actually engaging him in a battle to prove it. the first time gary actually tries to battle him is after they’ve both received eight (uh. or ten) gym badges. the first time they actually battle is way after that. and then he wins and continues to just walk away again, until pretty close to the end of the johto arc (though there’s a little more respect there).

anyway the parallel is pretty obvious. at least to me. there's something deeply wrong with them both <3 which is why then in the project mew arc, who is the one telling goh that he has to be good at teamwork? that he has to learn to cooperate with people in order to achieve his goals? obviously ash is the one who taught goh about The Meaning Of FriendshipTM, but gary occupies a unique position of actually understanding why this is a skill he needs to work on, because it's something he had to learn the hard way too.

on the other hand! ash and chloe have their own fun solidarity: world's shittiest, most emotionally repressed childhood best friend who is allergic to the word friend to begin with

#taylor.txt #*meta #i guess. LMAO #im still not there like im not shipping it. but at the very least i am more here than ever for them Bonding in general

[hanniluvi]

ASK GAME! ♡

what your moots would be like as kpop idols! (an idol and what they’d be like as an idol!)

SO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY !! but here u go :)) !!! i did a random picker wheel for this, so if you don’t get mentioned here, blame it on the wheel 💔

sona ; @flwoie — hyunjae from the boyz

I HAVE A REASON 4 THIS. he’s just a perfect combination of chaos and calmness… sona is just that. like she would know when to be chaotic and when to be calm (okay professional). would def forget she has an IMAGE to protect n would talk abt her crushes in the industry … would def be those idols that have a secret acc to talk random bs abt others 😭 and no offense..would totally have a secret fan acc .. since she would be so chaotic, she would get into PLENTY of scandals — good n bad .

rei ; @soov — chanhee from the boyz + keeho from p1harmony

bye rei is gonna be the idol who will keep her delulu ass fans in check 😭😭 there would be plenty of tiktoks + youtube vids of moments of her … like the only reason she would go on vlive is prob question all the people commenting during the live … ALSO DEF THE MEMBER THAT TEASES THEIR MEMBERS !! do something and rei will NEVER let it go. she WILL make sure you remember your embarrassing moments. (does it out of love, she confirms.) BUT BESIDES THAT rei would def be such a kind idol :( she would care for her members + fans — like she would do anything 4 them . talk bad abt someone they care abt ? expect a long ass post of her putting u back into ur place . i think she would accidentally slip up and post smth on the official group acc 😭😭 BUT def will have so much fans 🙏🙏🙏 (im one of them, gonna have a rei fanpage)

sia ; @wonieleles — juyeon from the boyz

BYE sia would be those clueless + clumsy idols. she would be in her little own world — once she’s in, she can’t go out type of thing. like she could go viral for smth and she would be clueless abt it until someone told her irl. (idk, i just think so.) i can also imagine her slipping up abt someone she likes without her knowing until a week later … she knows the right moments of when to be serious n when she could be a little bit more chaotic … but when things get chaotic , it will get out of control 😭 like she could be trying to say smth but be4 she could get a word out, she would start laughing to herself. I FEEL LIKE HER FANS WOULD TROLL HER OUT OF LOVE 😭 like she would get edited to the most funniest shit ever n those would trend 😝 . AND ALSO . SECLA DROUGHT IS REAL WHEN IT COMES TO SIA . she would post once a month n dip . you would never see her again until a group vid is out. her fans would be struggling 💔💔 but whenever she does post, chaos erupts . anyways pretty wholesome idol even though she may not know what’s going on half of the time <3

miyu ; @ixomiyu — danielle from newjeans

MY LOVELY MIYU <3333 no cause she would def be those comfort idols that everyone loves :(( she just radiates sm positive energy that everyone would fall in love w her. she would be so kind to everyone n would def cherish all the letters + gifts fans give to her :( i can imagine her storing them away in such a safe place </3 adding onto that, she would do anything she could for her fans — whether it be making them stuff or giving them pcs . would def motivate others n take care of others before herself </3 stan miyu !!!!

esther ; @urszn — wonyoung from ive

i can’t really explain this one — esther IS wonyoung. she would be so iconic as an idol, EVERYONE would love her n i mean it 🙏 i expect lots of fans biasing her. like she could breathe and everyone would be on their knees. would prob make her fans CRAVE for her selcas cause she would post such good ones EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. everyone would go WILD every time she posts smth bc she wouldn’t disappoint 🙏 if she were able to create a personal ig acc, she would def be those aesthetic accs or post aesthetic pics (take idk yunjin for example). she would just know every single trend on this planet . anyways def would go viral for many things 🫶

xin ; @weoris — ningning from aespa

i don’t think i can explain this one either..xin just gives off ningning vibes. like aesthetic n fancy IDKKK. but also a hint of goofy 😭. she would be an idol many people have as a bias. or even a bias wrecker. BUT fans would love her sm, anything she posts, people would praise her automatically. like anything she does, people are head over heels (like me). would also get into a few dating scandals … not too serious though. would prob be a quiet idol around people she doesn’t know. but once she’s with people she likes, she starts being loud and starts being more comfortable. would def be everywhere — magazines, billboards .. JUST anything visible to the public eye. yes, that’s how iconic xin will be.

that is all the picker wheel chose 🫶

#☕️ — sophs speaks ! #🐼 — games ! #sophs moots <3

[thompsborn]

!! the return of harley “daddy issues” keener (or is it mostly new angst? or mostly, like, physical?)

okay i love all these anons but also i am trying So Hard to not spoil things omg. please send more but also if i lowkey spoil something eventuallly it’s not my fault !! it actually definitely is entirely my fault but shhh

but anyways, kind of and also kind of not?

so like, in to build a family harley and peter are teenagers, but not like homeward bound. they’re high schoolers still, yk? they’re younger and haven’t gone through all the things that homeward bound harley and peter have gone through. i only bring up tbaf because obviously harley has Daddy Issues™ in tbaf. even before the second fic when his dad dies and he has to deal with that—in the first fic there’s a part where harley reminds his sister of their dad bc of how he left to go to new york and it’s this whole moment, yk? but he’s younger in tbaf and since tbaf is like not at all canon compliant to the mcu, they’ve gone through a lot less in comparison to hb, yk?

i say all that because while daddy issues are an ongoing lifelong thing for homeward bound harley, they aren’t as detrimental or as Big as they are in tbaf or other fics i’ve written where that comes up. hb harley is still effected by his daddy issues but he’s 18, he’s in college, he died for 5 years and came back to find out tony died, he has some family stuff that will be further explored and explained in the sequel with his mom and sister, and now also he has peter and the knowledge that peter is spider-man and the heaviness that comes with peter’s tragedies and past as well.

it’s a heaviness he’s okay with, don’t get me wrong, he’s more than happy to be there for peter and to learn these things and has been curious about peter since the first time peter walked into late night (again, will be explained more in the sequel!) but it’s heavy nonetheless, you know?

essentially, in the grand scheme of things, while he’s still impacted by his daddy issues, he also just… doesnt care anymore? like not caring doesn’t erase the impact but also he barely thinks of his dad and when he does he doesnt feel angry or upset or any of the things he felt in the past about his dad leaving, he just… doesnt care. he’s been through so much at this point that it’s just Another Thing. he’s desensitized to it to the point that like, why does it matter? it doesn’t.

there’s a part in hb, i can’t remember which chapter but it’s a small texting segment in one of the chapters where harry talks about him harley and peter making a no dad’s club for funsies and in that text convo harley mentions that he has a dad he just doesnt know where he is and doesn’t care enough to find out.

also, to answer that last part—it’s new angst that includes physical stuff! there’s gonna be… a lot lmao. i have a lot of things planned for this series, a lot of ideas taken from various comics, from the movies, from the games, etc. i’m even planning to read through plotlines for some of the animated series to see if there’s any additional ideas to draw from there.

but like, think of it this way, i guess: harley cares. a LOT. like some of his remaining daddy issues have developed in the form of being a bit slow to trust new people, but like he’s mentioned in the fic, once he chooses to care about someone, he is ALL IN. he is COMMITTED. and now that he knows about peter being spidey and is actively choosing to be involved in that, his instincts and his heart are going to want to do anything and everything he can to help.

okay actually sorry this answer is SO long BUT i remembered something i had harley say and i went back and looked and in chapter three he tells peter “my Mama says I have the heart of a protector” and THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IM TRYING TO CONVEY HERE LMAO so THAT is who he is at heart yk?

and peter is gonna be in a lot of dangerous situations as spidey, and as the series goes on people connected to him are going to be in danger because of spidey, and essentially like…. a lot of emotions and a lot of angst and a lot of potential for getting hurt, yk?

i need to stop here because i keep almost saying fuck it and giving an example that is definitely a spoiler but yeah. take that as you will (:

#parkner #homeward bound fic #also like……. ok this definitely leans more into heavy spoiler territory but like #the newest spidey game right? very good very fun to play i plan to play it multiple more times #but some aspects of it have helped to inspire ideas i already had but werent sure how to implement #such as. potentially. a symbiote related plot line. #i haven’t decided for sure tbh because if that kind of plot were to happen it wouldnt be until the 3rd or 4th fic #but just….. ideas. i have them. and they include harley obvious as he is one of the main characters. #but if that storyline happens harley angst would definitely be a big thing there lmao

[cut-small-but-deep]

Edward Kenway Sea Shanties Headcanons

(Im sorry for not having a lot of Headcanons or more Oc stuff out yet I just haven’t been motivated to. But, apparently, music can motivate me. And it’s made me make this special one for the handsome Smexy Welsh pirate, Edward Kenway! I hope you enjoy!)

Oh the sea shanties! There’s a lot of shanties out there that are still sung famously and I think they’re coming back to popularity? And there is a two volume sea shanty album out from Assassin’s Creed themselves so what do you know.

I think Edward honestly likes how music brings his crew together so of course doesn’t mind if they sing. I’ve honestly never played the game but I hope soon, so I don’t know if Edward actually sings to some of them or not.

I’ll say he tries to sing them but his voice isn’t that great as the others on deck. He still sings to his heart though.

His favorite would probably be the iconic ‘Leave her Johnny’ or ‘Drunken Sailor’. If ‘Wellerman’ was a song from back then, you’d bet he would sing that too.

Though, if during the time after the game when he’s going back home with Jenny, he might also sing ‘Lowlands Away’, probably only once, possibly cry too.

And this is for my OC, Branwen Edevane. She sings ‘The Last Shanty’ very well, usually only doing this to make the crew more aware of their surroundings and to work together more effectively. Even Edward likes it and always lets her sing sea shanties whenever she feels like it.

There are sometimes where he’s up on his ship late at night, and he sings a song he heard from Havana, or a song he remembers from Wales. When he does sing, it’s done beautifully in his native language, or beautifully done in Spanish. You can also say he tried to at least. Either way, he feels more at home on the sea.

#assassin's creed #assassins creed #acedit #edward kenway #assassins creed 4 #assassins creed black flag #ac4 #sfw headcanons #sea shanties #listening to “’Drunken Sailor’ sung by The Longest Johns #listening to a song series

[sequinsmile-x]

hello! hope you have a wonderful day! i have a hc request. has hotch or jack ever said something to emily that they regret? im sorry, i love angst and hurt/comfort 🥺😬

Hey bestie!! I hope you have a good day too.

I got carried away and this turned into a little drabble.

Disclaimer: I wrote this on my phone, in 20 mins, whilst eating my very nutritious breakfast of a cronut and a Diet Coke, so apologies for any errors

Words: 1k

“Sorry I’m a bit late, honey,” Emily calls as she gets through the front door, “traffic was a nightmare.”

“It’s fine Emily,” Jack calls back, the 16 year old clearly in the living room, “I’m old enough to look after myself for an hour after school.”

Emily walks towards the living room and smiles to herself. “I know that,” she says, her smile faltering slightly when she sees the tv is on, Jack’s favourite video game on screen, “just didn’t want you to worry.

He hums in response, barely acknowledging her presence.

“Jack,” she sighs, looking over at him, “you know the rules, no video games until after you’ve done your homework.”

He rolls her eyes at her, a sign of the teenage attitude that had started to seep through. Something that occasionally had her considering calling her mother to apologise for a few things.

“Just let me finish this one thing.”

She steps towards him, her hands on her hips. “I’m sorry but no, homework first. Then you can play your game.”

“Come on, Emily-”

“Jack, please don’t argue with me.”

He scoffs, putting down the controller with more force than necessary.

“You can’t tell me what to do,” he says, frustration flooding him quickly, “you aren’t my mom.”

Emily finds herself grateful for years of political training, that she’s able to school her features despite the sharp stab his words cause in her chest. Words he’d never thrown at her before cutting deeper than she thought they would.

She had never tried to replace Haley, had never wanted to either. She saw herself as a bonus parent for Jack, and that is what he had always treated her as. It was her he went to when he was sick, and she can’t help but remember when he was smaller, a high fever making him incredibly uncomfortable, the one time he had called her mom as he sought out her comfort.

“That might be the case,” she says, proud of herself for how even her voice was, “but I am your legal guardian so according to the state you still have to listen to me.”

Jack stares at her, a flash of what looks like regret, like he knows he’s taken it too far, going across his face. He says nothing as he storms past her, up the stairs and to his room.

She blows out a breath the moment she hears the door slam shut, as shaky and as unsteady as she felt.

___

Aaron can tell something is off the moment he gets home. The house is tense, quiet in a way it usually wasn’t, and he feels his brain go into overdrive as he hangs up his jacket.

“Sweetheart?” He says, double checking the lock as he walks further into the house.

“In the kitchen, honey,” Emily calls back, and he’s there in seconds, his concern kicked into high gear when he sees the tight smile on her face, the tension in her shoulders as she gets ready to plate up Chinese food, “I wasn’t sure how long you’d be so I ordered in. I got your favourite.”

“Thanks,” he says, rounding the kitchen counter to join her on the other side, leaning down to kiss her temple, “you ok?”

She tenses against him, and he presses his hand against her lower back. Her whole body so tight he worries she’d snap.

“I’m fine.”

She says it so quickly he knows it’s a lie, and he sighs, encouraging her to turn in his arms and stop what she was doing.

“Em, sweetheart, what is it?”

She looks away from him, her eyes shining, a familiar sign that she was trying not to cry, and it makes him ache.

“I just got into it with Jack a little, that’s all.” She says, choosing her words carefully, “I got home and he was playing a video game, I told him he needed to do homework first and he…”

She drifts off and he knows he has to encourage her further, his hand gripping her chin to make her look back at him.

“He said I wasn’t his mom, so I couldn’t tell him what to do.” She continues, a crack in her voice that matches the sheen to her eyes.

Aaron sighs and pulls her closer, hugs her tight as she grips the back of his jacket. He feels anger at his son rise in his chest, for not only the way he had disrespected Emily, but for saying something that would so clearly upset her.

“Em.”

“I know I’m not his mom,” she says against his shoulder, “I know that. But…” she shakes her head at herself as she pulls back, wiping one of her hands over her cheeks, some of her tears escaping, “we’ve been together more than half his life, I love him like he’s mine. He’s the closest I have to a kid of my own. So it… sucked to have it thrown at me like that.”

He can’t help but smile at the way she had explained it, just so Emily by it’s very nature.

“Want me to talk to him?” He asks, wiping more tears from her cheeks for her, unsurprised when she shakes her head in response.

“No, it’s ok.” She replies, smiling at him shakily. “I love you for wanting to help though.”

“I love you too.”

“Emily?” They both turn to see Jack standing in the kitchen doorway, a sheepish look on his face. “Can I talk to you?”

Aaron squeezes his wife’s shoulder and steps away, giving his son a look that told him they’d talk about it later, no matter what Emily said, as he walks past.

“I’ll set the table.” Aaron says as he leaves the room, taking the plates with him.

He gives them a few minutes alone, their relationship something that has always existed outside of his with Emily. When Jack was small he’d walk in to find them whispering to each other, smiles on their faces as he asked what they were talking about. Now he was older, he knew Jack valued Emily’s opinion above his own, something Aaron took no offense over. This was just a bump in the road, a small part of the difficulty of having a blended family.

He can’t help but smile when he walks back into the kitchen to find them hugging. They both groan at him when he joins in, enveloping them both in his arms, and he feels like the luckiest man on the planet.

#hotchniss #hotchniss fanfiction #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #aaron hotchner fanfiction #emily prentiss fanfiction #drabble #Jack Hotchner

[champagnebutch]

It’s early March in the late 2010s, and I am in the back half of my freshman year of high school. I’m chatting with a friend on discord, a real life friend, I know them from school, but we’re chatting online cos he’s two years older than me and, as a junior, is currently visiting colleges in and around NYC.

We’re chatting. It’s banal shit, really. He asks if I’m watching the Oscars, I say no but I might later, he says I should watch cos they started at 5pm and it’s already 5:30.

A little later they ask me a question

“does [mutual friend] ever tell you what’s going on with them? like mentally and stuff? (its a yes or no question im not asking about [them])”

I say no, not especially. Why?

Instead of responding directly, he asks another question.

“you ever get the urge to tell someone a secret of yours? but you dont know how they’ll react or if they’ll even wanna know your name after you tell them?”

I ask if they want to share something with me. And they do.

They share a lot.

They share their childhood trauma. How poor their mental health has been since elementary school. The lows that it hit in middle school. They share the mental disorder they’ve told maybe a handful of people about. Their whole life story, really. I’m the second person who’s heard everything start to finish.

I say “i swear to fuck, were money not an issue, id be packing my bags and hopping on a flight right now, you need a hug”

They concur, but say they feel the love through the screen.

I ask if they want to share more.

They do. He asks how it makes me feel.

“really, really fuckin worried for you.

im not leaving you,

not for long time”

They are reassured, at least somewhat.

He asks if I’ll be there for support when he goes in for top surgery after the end of the school year.

I say yes, honored.

A week passes. He’s been back several days now, but we haven’t seen each other at school as much as we’d like. We agree to hang out at mine on Saturday, and he’ll probably stay for dinner. I imagine we’ll play some games, show each other some funny videos, which we do.

We insist on a closed door for privacy. We share some shitposts on my computer. He sits in my lap while we watch. I don’t object. Occasionally I push him off and halfway jump out of my seat when a family member asks me for something.

He asks me why.

I ask myself why.

That night I don’t really come to terms with my sexuality, but I do realize my sexuality has terms with which I must come to.

However, despite not really knowing how I’d describe my orientation, I know I’m into them, and they’re into me. That night, after having crawled under the kitchen table after dinner with them and discussing my sexuality crisis, we get together. That day will be our anniversary date.

Not long later, we are publicly a couple. I find it important to mention that we are fucking adorable. Basically the entire student body at school thinks we’re cute. The teachers think we’re cute. The school director thinks we’re cute.

We go to a very weird private high school, in an idiosyncratic part of the country, and the place was tiny. Such an environment means we can do shit like have an all-school camping trip at the beginning and end of every year. On the bus ride back from that end of year camping trip, my history teacher makes sure that the two of us can sit together for the otherwise boring hours-long trip.

After that end of year trip, I make good on my promise and am there for my boyfriend when he gets top surgery.

I come out to him as transfem around then. He's the first person I tell.

That summer I spend a lot of time at their house, a place in the hills that’s way too big and that they move out of later. They're happy with this decision because of the memories that lived there with them, in those high ceilings and tall stairs.

We watch something on Netflix. It is, I assume, not especially gripping, seeing as I no longer remember what it was. He acts somewhat odd and slightly frustrating, and I don't really know what to do. But I figure it’s nothing and he'll be fine soon.

He has a breakdown not much later. He’s sorry for being mean. He’s worried I’ll leave him, that he’s fucked everything up. He doesn’t want me to go.

“Babe, I’m here.

I’m not going anywhere,

not for a long time”

I make good on that promise, too. Maybe I make too good on it.

We're together for a while. But he eventually goes up to Canada for university, and I'm still a high school junior, stuck down here in the states. He tries to break up with me, but neither of us really have any other better form of connection; his new friends are still new, and I am still generally bad at making friends at all.

We're on and off for a while. Eventually we're off for the last time.

New feelings came up. He wanted space. They set a boundary. I failed to abide it.

I was there when I wasn't wanted.

He breaks up with me for the last time.

Eventually we get the chance to talk about what happened. He forgives me, somehow. They offer me a smoke, and I take the only drag off the only cigarette I’ve had in my life.

I’m single for several months. Retail work is soul-draining, but it’s an income, and it helps distract when the self-loathing kicks in.

Eventually someone new starts working at the store. She’s really pretty, and sweet, and lovely, and best of all she makes my feelings of worthlessness dissolve. It takes a while before I really understand how I feel about her.

We spend our lunches together whenever we can. We add each other on Discord. We chat. Fairly banal stuff. I talk about my brother and I loving languages, and him being in Taiwan for work. They talk about being polyamorous, and how they and their nesting partner recently hosted one of their metamours.

Eventually they leave the store job, it was just too much for them on top of their other, more important work. Once they cease being my co-worker, they ask to hang out. 

We do. 

We go on a walk by the lake. I discover later that I walk altogether too fast for them, but they don’t mind that much.

We agree to spend more time together, but it takes two weeks for our schedules to work out again. It’s during that time I realize how I feel about her. It’s a long two weeks.

That hang-out turns into our first date, a picnic. That day, the exact same date as my prior relationship, will be our anniversary date.

I visit her place. I meet her nesting partner, my metamour, who lends me a bass guitar after hearing that I’d been interested in learning.

I show my girlfriend Critical Role, she gets me back into Magic: the Gathering.

We go to Trans March that June.

We support each other through the little hiccups that life throws at you.

I cry in their arms as I recount to them what happened with my ex. They share that they made a similar mistake once, and I feel so much less alone.

I console them as they deal with medical issues the following winter.

We celebrate our one year anniversary by being bourgeoise for a day, getting afternoon tea in the city.

We talk about the political climate, how it feels less and less safe for us every day. I offer, without claiming them monogamously, that if they wanted, I would be happy to marry them, if they thought marrying a Canadian/French citizen and fleeing was a worthwhile plan.

They are deeply appreciative, comforted by the thought of getting to run away with me “Of course babes

I’m not going anywhere,

not for a long time”

Then, the unexpected occurs. Her nesting partner breaks up with her. It happens right after I leave her place one week, and I only hear about it two days later.

Two nights later, we talk. I hope to reassure her as she tries to process, as she recovers from having everything fall down around her.

I tell her how much I want to hug her, to hold her close, to do what I can to make everything feel better.

“Babe, I’m here

I’m not going anywhere

Not for a long time

I promise”

“But she said exactly the same thing”

My heart slowly sinks into the ocean in my chest, as my mouth tries desperately to find the right words, bring it back to the surface.

But there is nothing to say. The words mean nothing. I hopelessly search for better ones, but it’s no use.

Thankfully, things do get better.

I’m able to visit within the week, and my presence seems stronger than just my voice over the phone. My actions get to speak louder than my words.

I’m able to hold her. 

I can bring some food while she tries to cut back on expenses, as she looks for more work and new housing.

I get to bring her out of the survival mindset she slips into so easily, and help her remember that creature comforts are necessary for optimal functioning.

While I’m not there, it’s hard for them. But when I’m with them, they get to be their old self again.

They get offers for support from a friend, and from another partner.

I feel so sure that we will work everything out.

It’s all difficult still, the future is still uncertain.

But I know one thing.

I’m not leaving her

I’m not going anywhere

Not for a long, long time.

#i love you #personal #my writing #lgbtqplus #lgbtq #lgbt #nonfiction #sapphic #trans #transmasc #transfem #t4t #queer