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veliseraptor · 2 years

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☕ the loki series is... kinda trash and the characterization is very off :/

the loki series which I still have not watched the finale of for reasons that have nothing to do with my enjoyment or lack thereof but initially due to monetizing my hobbies and now I just have a weird block on it? that one?

but hey I feel like I've got enough of an informed opinion to respond to this at least somewhat, though, like, grain of salt I guess knowing only vague spoilers that I've gathered about the finale over the months since it has aired.

I went a little back and forth on answering this one at all, because if there is something that definitely did not help my drifting away from mcu fandom (though there are a lot of reasons), it would be seeing the fringes of the loki series discourse and going "oh no, don't want that." so dipping my toes in it feels...risky! but hopefully things have calmed down a little and I'm not going to get my head bitten off by anyone.

particularly because my answer is I think going to sound a little milquetoast. I definitely disagree with the strength of language in this ask (I don't think it was trash). I wouldn't say I loved it; I think it ranks probably third in my favorite of the mcu tv series (and well about falcon and winter soldier which I actively disliked). but I was always going to have quibbles about the series - spending eight-ish years in fandom writing hundreds of thousands of words about a character you get a pretty firm idea of what you want and what you feel about them - but I knew that going in, and, frankly, have always known that about the mcu. it never gave me what I wanted! what I got, generally speaking, was enough of what I wanted to work with it.

so I think that's a way in which I maybe approached this a little differently than some people - namely, going "yeah so this isn't going to be the Loki series I would've made probably but hey I can probably get some good stuff out of it."

but this isn't really getting at the heart of your ask, which I feel like is mainly about characterization - of Loki, I assume, since he was the established character in the show. and in answer to that I guess I have two things that I keep in mind that make me...more forgiving, perhaps, than others are inclined to be. those are:

1. Consistency of characterization has never been something the MCU is great at, and particularly with Loki. Because of story needs and director styles and many other factors, in general MCU characters tend to wobble from movie to movie - within certain confines, but wobble nonetheless. This is actually very familiar from comics, where a character can have wildly different characterization depending on what version you're reading and people sort of end up with choose-your-own-adventure characterization depending on what their preferences are.

When it comes to Loki, Loki from Thor to Avengers to Dark World to Ragnarok to Infinity War to the Loki series is, I would argue, a little bit different in every iteration! This works in part because he's a very flexible character, in many ways - there are a lot of ways you can read and approach him. Very fitting, that, for the kind of character he is: trickster, changeable, adaptable, in constant motion. Some characters tolerate that characterization wobble more than others and I think Loki is one of them.

And some of those ways I personally like more or less, but my feeling has always been that I can see Loki in all of them, I can see where the read is coming from, and while I personally may - as I do with comics - choose to throw out bits and pieces and keep what I like - I don't think there's, like, One True Clear Characterization across the MCU. A few points that hold true, but not really a defined, unchanging characterization. And I think the Loki series, as much as any other installment in the MCU featuring him, mostly holds true to those points, while choosing to emphasize or focus on some different ones.

2. To a certain extent I think the Loki show was hamstrung by its format - by which I mean the six episode season. It means that when you're trying to develop character and plot, you end up having to speedrun it a little. And sometimes you can make that work, but it's hard, and it requires a very deft hand, and if you're someone, like me, who prefers a slower burn for her character work, a show that is trying to do the amount of character work the Loki series was in the confines of six episodes...is going to have a rough time.

Because it is trying to do...a lot of character work. It's taking him from the height of his villainy into a more heroic role, while also having to tell a coherent story. I think you can see some of this speedrunning in the first episode with Loki watching the rest of his life as it goes in canon - in that case it was very effective, but it is a very quick and dirty way of justifying a character changing course by breaking them down very fast and very hard.

I think to a certain extent the character work faltered from the first episode, where it was strongest, later in the series to where it felt more like more focus was on the plot. Fair! I don't actually expect shows to dedicate all their time to character development. That might be what I'm kind of here for but I recognize that's sort of a me problem. But I don't think the characterization necessarily faltered - I think it just felt like, to me, it was going too fast, and to me, it didn't tonally match what I wanted.

but not tonally matching what I want isn't necessarily wrong; it's just not what I want.

and honestly the things that I liked about the show I felt like it did well - particularly how it was working with themes of choice and agency and change, and the way Loki interacts with concepts of villainy/heroism, that are very core to some of my favorite Loki stories (someone on the creative team was reading Journey Into Mystery and Agent of Asgard).

Ultimately though I think what it comes down to is that while I could nitpick the things I don't like about the series, and enumerate what I think are its flaws, I just don't really care to. because as has been the case with almost the entire MCU, it comes down to "did I like more than I didn't" and the answer here, unless the finale dramatically changes my mind, is "yes." In which case, this being the MCU, I could spend all day picking at what I didn't like, but ultimately I just find that kind of tiring and depressing.

also like. I'm sorry or whatever but I love Sylvie, she's a beautiful mess of a woman and I'm into that.

anyway wow I wrote a fucking essay, sincerest apologies

#conversating #anonymous #loki's a goddamn mess #loki series tag #opinions meme #lise memes

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the-lone-witch-and-secret-room · 3 years

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The Blight twins, codependency and fatal communication failure

Recently I talked about “the Blight children and toxic behaviors”, specifically about the tough love fallacy and how their parents get them to target each other rather than backing each other up.

In that post I mentioned wanting to make one specifically on the relationship of the Blight twins, and, well, here we are.

When we think of The Owl House and unhealthy/toxic platonic relationships, we think of the one Amity has with the twins in the earlier episodes, or Eda and Lilith, or the one the Blight kids have with their parents. I’m pretty sure very few people would look at these words and think of Edric and Emira… but it’s true nonetheless. The twins are raised in a very toxic environment that teaches them a lot of unhealthy mechanisms. The heavily codependent relationship the two siblings share is incredibly unhealthy for both of them.

Let’s get into why.

More under cut because hell this got long.

Who am I without you?

The Blight Twins always show up as a unit. They’re a set of two, who share the same track and are involved in the same shenanigans.

We never see them separate from each other in the show. Not a single time.

Their mother picks their matching outfits, according to Dana, because she likes her kids to be “color-coordinated.” They’re supposed to always look similar.

To Amity, they’re a united front—we don’t get to see her relationship to them separate from each other, we only get her relationship with “the twins.”

As far as I’m aware we’ve never gotten art from Dana featuring just one of them. They’re also often treated as a pair by the fandom (outside of their respective ships, that is), showing up together and showcasing very similar behaviors in fics, showing up together in fanart, etc.

We don’t have much content of just one of them with Amity (or anyone else that’s not their romantic partner).

You also don’t generally see them disagreeing a lot in fan content, which is interesting. Despite being two separate characters, they don’t get to actually be separate from each other a ton.

The main difference you see in their portrayal is in Emira being treated as the more responsible older sister, while Edric gets treated as more goofy (and a bit of an idiot), both in the show and fanon content. But that’s essentially it.

The twins are the twins. There’s no “just Edric” or “just Emira”. They don’t seem to exist without each other.

Their united front is both their greatest strength and their weakest link. They likely experienced a similar abuse as the one Amity went through, but they always had each other to lean on instead of enduring it alone. And while it definitely helps them a ton that they have each other, it also results in an unhealthy amount of codependency. Edric and Emira ONLY ever had each other. Their relationship with Amity is pretty bad and outside of that almost nonexistent up until Lost In Language, mostly used to hurt each other. Edric is always with Emira and Emira is always with Edric and there is no one else they can fall back on. Their most important relationship, the one with each other, is simultaneously the only one they have, one that they desperately clung to for a very long time. They don’t have any friends that we’re aware of.

Both Emira’s and Edric’s worst fear is born out of this. Despite being completely opposite fears, they stem from the same basic issue. In Enchanting Grom Fright, when they talk about their worst fears, Edric says “Being alone forever.” while Emira says “Being stuck with you forever.”

There is so much characterization in those two little sentences.

Edric has a fear of being alone because he’s always around Emira. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be alone, and he doesn’t want to find out. He doesn’t know who he is without Emira. This is somewhat subtle in the show, but she’s shown to be the more responsible of the two, preventing her brother from eating snow and being bitten by a bat. Edric looks to Emira for guidance, and his fear of being alone might stem from him not thinking himself capable of taking care of himself. Emira is smart and knows what she’s doing, and so Edric always runs after her. Even just entertaining the thought of being without her, without anyone to guide him, scares him so much that he proclaims it his worst fear. He likely leans on Emira a ton.

His desire to to lean on other people because he thinks himself incapable of handling issues himself comes with the possibility of him opening up easier, to the extent of oversharing, doing it so much that it becomes overbearing for Emira. But even if he can open up about some of the fears he has related to not meeting their parents expectations, he can’t really communicate the issues he has that involve Emira, because open communication about their issues is something they generally struggle with (see the point about lack of communication further below). Edric is under the impression that he needs someone else because he’s never been without Emira and doesn’t know what it’s like to exist without her. And as long as he has someone to lean on, he never has to find out if he’s truly as incapable as he thinks himself to be. His refusal to let go of her fuels his fear further—the tighter he holds on, the scarier the thought of letting go becomes.

Emira doesn’t know who she is without Edric either, and that’s exactly the reason she wants to break out of that dynamic so desperately. She doesn’t want to be nothing but someone’s twin for the rest of her life. She wants to just be herself, not have all her interests linked to her brother, for people to stop mentioning her only in the same sentence as Edric. She’s had enough of the matching. What Emira really wants is independence—from her brother, and, to a larger extent, her parents and their control.

Edric leaning on her as much as he does makes Emira feel responsible for him, and she struggles to let go of that because she doesn’t want to hurt him—but the tighter he holds on because he believes he needs her, the more overwhelmed Emira feels by her brother and the responsibility she holds for both of them.

Emira loves Edric, but she’s his sister, and can’t provide him with emotional support 24/7. Spending all day handling someone else’s issues can be pretty draining, especially when you struggle to share the ones you yourself have.

With Emira’s longing for independence comes a refusal to lean on anyone, especially on Edric, because she can’t at the same time let herself be vulnerable and need his support while also wanting to break out of their current dynamic. So Emira doesn’t talk about her issues, she doesn’t cry, she doesn’t lean on anyone. Emira is independent and strong and she doesn’t need anyone, especially not Edric.

It likely started out as them leaning on each other, but where Edric started to become too dependent on Emira always being there, Emira started growing increasingly overwhelmed and pulling back, catching them in a vicious circle of him trying to hold on tighter in order not to lose her, which causes her to draw back further.

To be clear:

a) Emira is not a terrible person for wanting to be away from Edric. What she said hurt him and came across as callous, but what he said harmed her too, even if the “why” that I just explained isn’t as blatantly obvious in the show. Edric isn’t a terrible person for relying on Emira so much, either. Neither of them are inherently malicious in any way, even if they do hurt each other. That they have to deal with these issues in the first place is rooted in the abuse they experienced, specifically in their parents treating them as a two-part set rather than two separate people their whole life.

b) I think it should be clear now why Edric’s behavior is toxic, but I want to address that Emira’s behavior is also an issue. While her desire for independence in itself is normal and healthy, she’s striving for a toxic kind of independence where she doesn’t need anyone anymore, which wouldn’t be good for her either.

Everyone needs to rely on other people sometimes, and if she doesn’t allow herself to, it’s going to cause some serious damaged in the long run. The most reliable relationship she had, the only support system she has, falls victim to her desire to be away from Edric… and only after she is she’s going to realize just how much she needed him, needed anyone to be there, too.

I think it’s very interesting that Edric’s and Emira’s issues are essentially inverted—they have the same root, but their problems are the exact opposite.

Edric is Emira’s mirror image.

This is also shown visually. With the matching clothes and identical dominant features (eye and hair color), they look extremely similar. Their beauty marks are what makes them into a mirror image rather than just looking identical, because they’re on opposite sides of their face. Emira’s is on her right cheek, Edric’s on his left. If they face each other, the marks mirror each other perfectly.

They had the same thing in the concept art I’ve seen of them too, but it was with identical earrings on opposite sides rather than beauty marks.

Caged Freedom

I couldn’t find a way to somehow smoothly fit this into the overlaying topic, but it’s an important part of the reason for their communication issues I go into below, and also just something that I wanted to go into, so take it or leave it.

The twins appear extremely confident, seem like they always get what they want (Amity even resents them for “getting away with everything”), but they really, really doesn’t. Sneaking out of school is the only way they can have the slightest bit of normalcy and freedom and control over their life, and Edric and Emira cannot be caught or it will come back to bite them—the reason they wanted to punish Amity in the first place is that she told on them for skipping, getting them in trouble.

Even within their “rebellion” against their parents, there’s a set system Emira and Edric have to operate within—matching clothes, perfect scores, not doing anything that could get back to their parents or harm the family reputation. Despite skipping school, they both maintain excellent grades. It’s said in Adventures in the Elements, Amity is even trying to beat their best score on an exam.

It’s a careful, calculated kind of resistance, not one that includes them openly opposing their parents. They do things their parents wouldn’t like, they tread lines, but they’re being smart about it, in hopes it will never get back to their parents. Even their limited freedom is caged in that way.

Despite seeming as confident as they do, they’re too scared to talk back to their parents. They cause exactly the kind of trouble that they know is possible to get away with without putting themselves in harm’s way. Going further, openly calling their parents out for how they’re being treated, would be dangerous, and so they don’t. They operate within the system and follow it as much as they have to in order to be able to push the boundaries even slightly.

Their endless confidence, their apparent fearlessness, is just another illusion of theirs.

They wouldn’t need to get back at Amity for telling on them if their behavior was just a huge “fuck you” to their parents. But they do, because their parents aren’t supposed to know. They’re scared, even if they’d never admit that.

Emira and Edric target Amity as a way to cope with the treatment they receive from their parents, which they to an extent blame on Amity (I’ve gone over this more in-depth in the toxic behaviors post I linked above).

Hurting Amity in hopes she won’t tell on them again seems safe in a way that actively calling out their parents behavior could never be.

Lack of Communication

Edric and Emira both have trouble communicating their feelings in a healthy way, and instead of open communication and talking things through they revert to backhand comments and punishment.

They grown up believing that severe punishments are necessary, “tough love” used to help someone improve as shown (and literally quoted) in Lost In Language in regards to Amity. That’s also something I go into my other Blight sibs post.

Regarding the backhand comments, let’s look at their worst fears in Enchanting Grom Fright again. As explained above, Emira’s “being stuck with you forever”-fear is a shitty attempt at trying to get across that she’s unhappy with never getting to be apart from Edric to just be herself. Edric’s “being alone forever” brings up a huge fear of his, especially of being abandoned by Em, which, regarding her worst fear, is justified.

Both of these fears are extremely understandable, and they don’t necessarily have to be at odds with each other—Emira just wants to not feel overwhelmed by Edric, and figure out who she is, and she doesn’t have to completely abandon him to achieve that, even if it’s something she might think she wants now. Edric has to find a way to be able to rely on himself more because Emira can’t always be around him, but he can still maintain a close, positive relationship with her, and would absolutely be able to make other friends that could support him.

What them voicing these fears is, for both of them, is a desperate cry for help, for change. Edric wouldn’t be bringing this up if there wasn’t a part of him that desperately wants to talk to Emira about this, and in the same way Emira wouldn’t have said her fear if she wouldn’t want it too. But the issue is that the twins don’t actually communicate. They put these huge things out there, validating the other’s worst fear with what they say. And then they don’t talk it out. These sentences just hang in the air between them, and then they move on like nothing happened, both anxious and hurt.

And this is because the Blight family in general doesn’t communicate. As mentioned before, the twins don’t dare to talk back to their parents, they do things behind their backs and hope they won’t get caught. They don’t communicate with Amity, and despite Edric and Emira being the closest person the other has, they don’t really communicate the issues in their relationship with each other either, because they don’t know how. This is not a skill they were ever taught, because talking things through like that requires them to be extremely vulnerable. To acknowledge what their worst fears are and why, that they might have gone too far or might have been wrong about some of the things they said, and therefore admit to not being perfect.

But Blights are required to be perfect, and Blights aren’t wrong—if others don’t see things your way, you make them. If others don’t act the way you want them to, you punish them. Tough love to help them grow and “encourage” them to make the “right” decision.

There’s no room for open communication in an environment that sees vulnerability as a shortcoming, and admitting mistakes as a weakness. If neither party is willing to take the first step, communication withers and dies, and the issues go ignored as they grow. Admitting there’s an issue in the first place, and that it might partially be your fault, is considered backing down. And Blights don’t back down. They can’t.

If you back down in business, let others convince you into a bad contact, you’ll never be successful. Worst case: it might be the end. And so you don’t back down. You never do. Blights don’t lose an argument. The other person has to break and back down first.

But that can’t work when both people involved were raised with that mindset. So Emira doesn’t make the first step, and neither does Edric, and aside from their backhand comments that never lead anywhere, they just suffer silently as their relationship disintegrates without as much as their acknowledgement of it.

For Edric, there’s also the issue that bringing up his fear might possibly drive Emira further away, knowing her fear. He doesn’t want to make her angry, and doesn’t want to fight with her, because it might lead to him losing her, which is exactly what he so desperately wants to prevent.

I can’t remember which post brought it up, but one post I read a while back also addresses how despite admitting that her behavior was wrong, we never hear Amity say “sorry” to Willow. Because if there’s one thing the Blight family does even less than admitting mistakes in the first place, it’s apologizing for them. Open communication is weak. Apologizing is weaker.

In summary: There needs to be a balance between depending on yourself and still being able to ask others for support when you need it, and Emira and Edric are currently sitting on opposite ends of the same issue. Both of them need to move more towards the middle. What one of them so desperately wants is what the other needs to recognize.

Emira realizes that she needs space from Edric, and because Edric doesn’t recognize it, he’s the one that needs space from Emira more. He desperately needs to realize that clinging to each other the way they currently are isn’t healthy.

Edric realizes that he needs support from other people, and that’s something Emira denies for herself that she really needs to realize.

They both have half of the solution to their shared problem, but their difficulties communicating the issues within their relationship properly prevent them from finding a healthy solution together.

For everyone that’s incredibly sad now (myself included): I cover these topics in several of my fics.

Most prominently, Locked Out, where I’m currently beginning to explore the Blight twins and their different mindsets further.

Most recently, Sleight of Hand, a collab fic I did with my friend @lexa-alycia, where, among other things, the twins have a long overdue conversation regarding the things said in Enchanting Grom Fright.

But also 6/8 of my currently posted Owl House fics (not counting another additional two that also do and are done but haven’t been posted yet) give focus to at least one of the Blight twins if not both, so yeah I have plenty of twins content on my profile for anyone that wants XD

Next up, probably (because I just do not want to be done with this apparently): a post regarding Vinem and Jerbric and why these relationships would work and be extremely beneficial for everyone involved.

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probably-haven · 3 years

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after binge reading i have come to a new revelation: I’m not a fan of most Xiaoven fanfics

Don’t get me wrong, I love the ship and its one of my favorite to think about.... but most of the fanfiction for the ship just- doesn’t sit right with me for a number of reasons.

Disclaimer: these are personal opinions from my own taste and are in no way an attack against any authors out there, because frankly fanfic authors are great and not like i could do better lol. As these are personal opinions, I acknowledge here and now that a number of people disagree and that they are under no obligation to change their opinions in any way as it is not and never will be my intention to tell others what they should be thinking That said- read at your own risk if you want- meh, anyway-

time to share some opinions that have been on my mind lately

The biggest reason.... is how they handle Xiao. And I don’t even mean mischaracterization because Xiao is such a complex and yet simultaneously simple character that as long as you’re somewhere in the range of “Xiao vibes” it’s really hard to write him out of character because of his complexities. What I mean is something that i actually completely agree with as being accurate to his character. In nearly every single fanfic I’ve seen, there is some element of idolization that Xiao has for Venti, or for the sake of reference, Barbatos. He tends to think himself beneath Barbatos and/or indebted to him, whether that be because he’s an archon, because he saved him, or simply because of Xiao’s tendency to dehumanize(yes i see the irony in that word usage) himself. This by itself isn’t an issue but its often how this trait of his is treated.

Imma just list a few ways I’ve seen this be handled within Xiaoven fics. - It isn’t handled, it’s just there and accepted as a part of who he is in the story - It isn’t handled but his trait is treated as source of humor within the story - Venti(and others) roll with it (finding humor in it, just cant change it, encouraging it, making jokes about it, etc.) - Venti takes advantage of it(whether accidentally or purposely) - it’s actually addressed(by Venti or someone else or the narration- can go a number of ways, but just- even a brief reference to the fact that its not a good mindset fits in here) - savior!Venti(Where venti disagrees with it but the way it’s written gives off “god among mortals” vibes- like he’s just being humble and truly is above him in reality) - its the focus of the story - not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. - they chose not to not include this in the story’s characterization of Xiao(just saying that this is valid ahead of time) Theres others but i have a lot already. Note that I tend to read more ‘serious-toned’(idk if that makes sense) fics so that may skew my perception

Now there’s a few that i have issues with on their own- both instances of it not being handled, Venti(and others) rolling with it, Venti takes advantage of it(purposely(and without good intent)), and savior!Venti. Xiao not only has this trait, but he is unfamiliar with what is normal in relationships or emotions as a result of isolation and inexperience. He is also either not aware of or not concerned with what is considered strictly “healthy.” Combining these makes for a rather dangerous combination and just accepting it as “oh he’s just like that, it’s who he is” or making it out to be something funny- It’s not wrong or bad by any means necessarily, and I could still possibly enjoy it to an extent depending on a series of different factors, but its- not as often. Even in the case where I do enjoy reading it however, I would still feel uncomfortable sharing it with or recommending it to others because in the first instance it feels like normalizing a destructive and dangerous mindset, and in the second case it does the same while simultaneously making a joke of it. It’s the same deal with Venti or other characters rolling with it, but that’s probably gonna be mentioned later too. Not to say that this is a “wrong” way to handle it, that it makes the fic bad, or that authors even are normalizing anything by doing so, just that in my specific instance- not a fan.

I’ll get to the others when i talk more about Venti, but for now: It’s the focus of the story. I think I saw like... 2? where the story was like- focused on this and why its a problem which- power to them, address those real world problems like a boss- but also i wouldn’t actively seek it out or anything- like, good job, but doing so just leaves it open neutrally for other factors to decide how good a story i think it is.

not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. You’d think i wouldn’t like this- but frankly in fanfiction not everyone wants to address every character flaw verbally because it can through off story, narration, dialogue, and general flow to do so. This can be with an event, an action, a dialogue, a mere comment, making it actually fit into the it’s actually addressed category except that its- subtle enough to make its own category. plus i live for show not tell- in everything- its a thing. im- very much a fan of when the fics do this but the subtlety is easy to miss and its not common so-

It’s actually adressed- doesnt have to be a lot- just mention anywhere or imply anywhere that maybe idolizing someone as a god and savior and being in a relationship with them while having little knowledge of standards, emotions, relationships, or healthy behaviors in general- maybe isnt the smartest idea in the word. (”Call me Venti, not Barbatos” by itself is not enough to fit in this category tho as a note)

Now lets talk about Venti...

uh.... those who have followed me for awhile will probably already know this but... I have a lot of opinions on Venti and a pretty- “niche(?)” perception of his characterization that isn’t shared by a lot of others- so I don’t actually read as much Venti fanfic in general as you might expect because I often end up disagreeing with how writers portray him, which again, in no way is their characterization wrong, but- “their perceived truth” conflicts with “my perceived truth” and by extent so does the characterization, though neither is any more correct than the other from an objective point of view, if that makes sense... but anyways now that that’s said, moving on before this becomes a philosophy lecture, as fun as that would be for me. I’ll try to keep my “perceived truth” out of this for the first bit.

Venti’s response to this:

He rolls with it: this depends on the mood of the fanfiction. If they dont put a lot of stress on that trait of Xiao’s it totally fine but if the trait seems to be a major part of Xiao’s character, it seems like normalization once more. (more on this later)

he takes advantage of it purposely: if its an AU or something and Venti’s like a villain(i saw a few) then- villain venti isnt my cup of tea but i have no qualms. If they don’t portray Venti in a negative light while having him take advantage however that’s a bit uncomfortable to read for me because it feels like normalizing taking advantage of that mindset as well as the mindset itself. However, i did see a number of instances of Venti using it as leverage for like- self care- which i definitely have no qualms. Xiao: [insert probably destructive idolizing statement about being indebt] Venti: How bout you pay me back by actually sleeping for once smh or other variations are okay and depending on the vibe are actually a really fun dynamic as long as it doesnt turn into romanticizing or normalizing it, y’know?

Venti accidentally taking advantage of it.... I love angst- and in most of these theres a sense of guilt when he realizes- and i just think thats a lovely way of addressing the dangers of such a mindset for both sides. As long as it doesn’t keep repeating to the point of romanticization its totally cool to read in my eyes(not irl ofc). If Venti never realizes he accidentally took or is taking advantage it feels a bit like normalization, and if he does but just- doesn’t care thats- a rip.

savior!Venti...... i- i hate. the story giving off vibes that Xiao’s mindset is technically correct while Venti oh so humbly tells him to treat him as an equal like the wonderful and charitable person he is.... i just- no. of course thats over dramatizing it- I think the main thing that gives it this vibe is when Venti doesn’t seem either concerned, surprised, uncomfortable, or otherwise have a negative feeling towards Xiao’s mindset. Just- it makes the whole thing weird in my eyes when Venti doesnt really seem to have his own reason to oppose the mindset idk-

fact time!

Venti is the god of freedom. His backstory is freeing Mondstadt from a god’s tyrannical reign. His origin is a windsprite, just another breeze bringing changes for the better. His form is a nameless boy who played an instrument and then died, thus failing at his only dream and only ever accomplishing anything because of the help of others. He slept for a thousand years after the archon war to avoid putting Mond under the rule of yet another tyrannical god. He only even became a god because Andrius chose to let him. He wouldn’t have even had that chance if the nameless bard had survived, he’d remain just another wind while his friend ascended to godhood. Venti sacrifices his own power for his people’s freedom.

now that I’ve laid out a number of canon facts, time for opinions:

Venti has little to no desire to be seen as a god. He thrives in, comes from, and emphasizes a lack of superiority in quite nearly everything. The first Ragnvindir, who canonically turned his back on Venti after Decarabian’s fall, likely did so because one- he anticipated power would corrupt and Venti would soon become just another tyrannical god, two- he suspected Venti used the nameless bard in an attempt to rise to godhood, or three- idk insert other possibilities to acknowledge again that i could totally be wrong.

Look me in the eyes and tell me Venti wouldnt trade godhood for his friend in an instant. His godhood was only granted to him because his friend died and could easily serve to constantly remind him of what could have been and what he lost. Venti takes no enjoyment from being seen as superior and in my opinion, I feel that it could actually make him largely uncomfortable when his divinity and abilities as an archon get involved-

also self promotion for my favorite posts- check out #archon war era venti if thats interesting to you

so anyway Venti rolling with it or making jokes about it just doesn’t sit right with me.-

Okay! enough talking about that mindset!

idk- i have... a few/lot of other gripes and stuff or just things that kinda throw off the vibe for me but that’s the main one plus my general personal pickiness when it come to Venti fanfics- but this has gotten long enough already-

idk i just felt like rambling about it and i haven’t done a long post in a while so-

again, I love the ship and its actually one of my favorites- just the fanfic isnt my thing..... that doesn’t mean i don’t still love it and come up with a whole ton of brainrot and ideas on it tho lmao

#genshin impact #genshin xiao #genshin venti #xiaoven #genshin barbatos #opinions #discourse #? idk ill tag it just in case #dont mind my constant backtracking and justifying and repeated disclaimers-#i just have a crippling fear of being cancelled lol

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nevertheless-moving · 3 years

Text

Suicidal Misunderstanding X

Star Wars Time Travel AU #27

Part I - - - - - Part II - - - - - Part III - - - - - Part IV - - - - - Part V - - - - - Part VI - - - - - Part VII - - - - - Part VIII - - - - - Part IX

“I realize this is incredibly difficult,” the Nautolan Soul Healer said calmly. “But in order for us to help Obi-Wan, we need to determine the cause of his current disconnection with reality. Based on the drug panel, and convenient surveillance, we have, to the best of our ability, ruled out temporary psychosis brought on by a drug interaction.”

Cody stiffened further, not sure how to react to anything anymore. When a brother tried to end his own life, it was usually obvious why.

Sife Aerdo continued on. “There have, of course, been cases of Jedi Seers giveing into their fears of the future, or losing their sense of reality, but every case study involving such an extreme reaction was the result a gradual degradation over the course of many years. Nevertheless, it seems clear that Obi-Wan experienced a vision, and it may have impacted his breakdown to some extent. The more we know, the more successful any attempts to convince him of reality will be.”

Bant furrowed her brow in thought, trying to replay three decades of increasingly vague discussions of nightmares.

”Considering the high profile nature of his position, we cannot rule out some kind of psychological attack, perhaps even a darksider incursion.

Anakin leaned forward intently, the inside of his skull buzzing with white noise.

"All that being said, we must be prepared to treat Obi-Wan’s self harm as the culmination of a long and quiet mental health struggle. He would not be the first in the Order to disguise such a thing with durasteel self-discipline.”

At that, Bant and Mace took a moment to release their feelings to the force, while Anakin raised his shields defensively.

Master Aerdo finally hesitated, before continuing in the same smooth tone. “I would ordinarily prefer to structure this kind of conversation quite differently- allow Obi-Wan time to share his feelings first and invite you each separately to support him in the healing process. But he’s gone from fighting sedatives and force compulsions as though the fate of the galaxy depended on it, to a self-induced coma. All while barely lucid, yet still somehow maintaining Master Class mental shielding. We need to get a better understanding of his mental landscape if we’re going to even begin the process of treatment."

It is necessary to note that everyone in that room had led, in one way or another, a somewhat miserable life. This was the main reason none of them could claim that the next five hours were the worst they had ever experienced.

“But he’s always had terrible sleeping habits.” Anakin said hoarsely.

“Yes, but I think they got worse after Qui-Gon passed,” Bant argued, not sure what point she was making.

“When I pointed out he couldn’t be getting more than three hours a night he told me that he could manage on meditation” Cody offered irritably.

“That’s technically true,” Mace confirmed. “If the Master in question is well-balanced otherwise”

“So its like his eating habits, crushing responsibilities, and repeated exposure to violence, then? Completely fine for a Jedi, in less it’s not, in which case it’s a major red flag?”

“I think it would help to establish a timeline.“

Aerdo actually dredged up old mission reports, leading to the group reluctantly contacting Ashoka for her memories of Mortis.

At her Master’s insistence, she told them everything she remembered, hazy as it was, nervously elaborating on her own memories of falling. To her confusion, Master Windu all but brushed past that, assuring her that the important thing with stepping into darkness was the choice to the return to the light. Anakin bizarrely agreed with Windu. Out loud. Unnerved by the cooperation more than anything, she put her holographic foot down and demanded to know what was going on.

Anakin took the comm-link into a separate room to speak privately.

Upon return, he informed the group (with a visibly red and puffy face) that Kit would be escorting her back from Mount Cala cleanup early, daring anyone to disagree. Windu nodded and the conversation continued on.

Together they rewatched holo-footage of Obi-Wan laughing amongst Ghost company the night before last, and debated reports from psychometric investigators who had scoured the cantina as well as Obi-Wan’s personal quarters for traces of illicit substances. Between that and another drug panel, they were finally forced to conclude that despite the timing, the alcohol at most confused Obi-Wan’s perception of a vision, or possibly simply loosened his tongue.

Bant prodded Cody to repeat every word from the holocar ride to the temple, taking furious notes. Cody was unable to stop the heat that crawled up his face.

Just when the looming horror of Obi-Wan actually preparing to intentionally die started to break over Anakin, Windu interjected.

“You don’t see what I do,” the Harun Kal said grimly. “Something galaxy-sized shattered around Obi-Wan and he didn’t break from it. The closest comparison I have is Master Yaddle’s presence when she meditated on her confinement. He’s chosen to keep going, even when, quite frankly, death would be a release. We’re missing something fundamental.”

“He said there were ‘other dark forces at work.’ Even if the fight was objectively hopeless... there’s no way he would choose to die because of it!” Anakin agreed vehemently, shaking off morbid fears.

“But he did choose to die.” Cody said quietly. And the wind went out of Anakin’s sails.

“Lets go back.”

Anakin gritted his teeth as they picked apart everything ‘unusual’ Obi-Wan had said and done leading up to his visit with Bant.

“What exactly did he...”

“So Plo Koon was able to get a read through his shields?”

“Did he have anything to eat?”

“How did that compare to...”

“When he's mentioned things in the future...did it seem good or bad to you?” Bant asked.

“Bad.” Cody and Anakin said in unison. Remembering the trip to the temple Cody spoke again, “Definitely bad.”

“Right. When we were talking he sometimes used the wrong tenses for things, people. I confronted him on not knowing ‘when’ he was after Knight Skywalker left. He told me that he knew what was real, but he was “enjoying not fully living in the moment” he also said that he intended to “wake up”

“Enjoying? That’s the exact word he used?” Cody asked incredulous.

“He did seem...mostly happy yesterday. Giddy, at points.” Anakin said, slumping in on himself.

Bant looked at her notes once more before addressing the group.

“This isn’t vision psychosis in any manner I’ve heard of before...but I think I might have a theory. He used to have intense visions when we were kids; plenty of us did sometimes, but Obi-Wan would be unable to sleep after. What terrified him more than anything was the uncertainty that he might make the wrong choice- even when the vision was about something good, or neutral. His visions gradually stopped coming around puberty. We just had a conversation about this a few months ago- how relieved he was to only have to manage flashes of precognition. If he had a random, horrifying vision of a terrible future...suicide wouldn’t be his reaction. It’s too final.”

“Even if he blamed himself for what he saw coming?” Mace asked.

“Especially if he blamed himself.” Bant said.

“What’s your theory?” Aerdo prodded.

“What if...what if he was telling the truth when he said he could separate out what was real and what was not? What if there was no distortion or blurring between now and then? What if he was just wrong about which was which?”

“That...would be a very extreme and abnormal manifestation of force-induced psychosis. He has training in distinguishing reality from visions. The continued presence of his mental shielding means that the fabric of his mind can’t be so horrifically collapsed in on itself.”

“What if the vision was actually that realistic?” Bant said, pushing back against the soul healer. “So detailed and vivid that it effectively was a reality in itself, and everything else, all of us...”

“Were just memories” Anakin finished. “It would...actually explain pretty much everything. You said he wanted to wake up and when...when I found him.” He stopped, swallowing. “When I found him, he argued with me...what if he wasn’t trying to hurt himself? If you’re right...that would mean I found him trying to get back to reality.”

“It could explain his behavior in the halls...his desperation to wake...” Sife mused “But it runs counter to every other experience I’ve had with those managing prophetic visions. Master Windu, could that explain the shatterpoints you saw?”

“I’m not certain. It would have to have been extraordinarily real to create the echos of Shattering I witnessed. I don’t know if that depth of vision has occurred before, but then again, many things are possible in the force.”

“You really think he might have been...trying to wake up from dream? By killing himself?!” Cody asked incredulous.

“If that ends up being what happened I am going to give him such shit. That is the worst way to end a vision.” Anakin replied.

“Yes. It is.” Bant said pointedly. “That’s why it’s a last resort, after every other attempt to wake fails.”

They all sat in silence, processing various implications. Cody was unnerved by another terrifying insight into force powers, as well as the idea that the General might vividly remember Cody being inexplicably mind-controlled into trying to kill him. Anakin was trying to understand what this would mean for them, and the conversations he had thought they had had. Did...any of it count, if he thought he was offering it to a hallucination?

“Alright, this is a valuable working idea, but let’s make sure to examine everything with an open mind before we draw any more conclusions. Anakin, what happened after you left the healers office?”

Obi-Wan’s critique of the practicalities of visiting a soul healer could be and was interpreted multiple ways. The incongruity of peacekeepers in war sparked a rehash of earlier discussion. More apologies. Self identifying as ‘crazy’ inspired new debate, especially in the context of the new theory.

“When I saw him enter the fountain room I assumed he had had a brutal run-in with dark force user.” Windu explained. “Based on everything we’ve gone over, I don’t understand when...but some of the more insidious sith compulsions work by taking whatever small anger or hurt you feel and magnifying them until they consume you. If Obi-Wan was already experiencing self loathing...”

Cody sucked in a breath. “Then a Sith mind suggestion would bring him to commit suicide. It...sounds like something he might do, if he was partially in control. Take the blow rather than let himself be used as a weapon against anyone else, even his worst enemy.”

“Hells, it could have been an even vaguer compulsion, driving him to attack the person he hates the most,” Bant added darkly.

Anakin buried his head in his hands, trying to hold it together. He couldn’t afford to lose control or get angry. Hells, getting angry at Obi-Wan for ‘failing him’ when in pain could be the reason Obi-Wan was currently in the healing halls. The man said he loved him unconditionally, then practically had a breakdown over how much Anakin pushed that unconditional love to the breaking point, then killed himself. How was he supposed to-

“Anakin? Are you alright to continue?” someone said.

“Yes. No. There’s more I have to tell you...I don’t know if it will help but - it was hurting Obi-Wan...I...”

“Let’s just take it one step at a time. What happened after you left Mace?”

Apparently even Cody somehow knew more about Bruck Chun than Anakin. Master Windu and Eerin told different sides of the same sad story, which spiraled back into a conversation about Obi-Wan’s inadequacy issues, which somehow devolved into a long rant about Qui-Gon Jinn that Master Windu had apparently been holding back for years.

“My apologies.” He said afterwards, clearing his throat as the group stared, taken aback. “Old grievances. Go on Anakin, what did happened after you got to the ‘secret spot.’”

“He...was skirting around whatever was bothering him...I pushed him...told him I wanted to help...he said I couldn’t...because it was me...because of what I...”

Anakin stood up suddenly, feeling the walls of the room closing in.

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry I-”

He ran out.

He turned around almost immediately, pacing in the small corridor, knowing he couldn’t leave, simply needing a minute to catch his breath.

Master Windu followed him out after a moment, not saying anything, just standing there. Watching him.

“What!” Anakin finally snapped. “What do you have to say that I don’t know already!”

“Knight Skywalker-”

“Don’t call me that! I DON’T DESERVE-”

Anakin let out a frustrated snarl, punching a wall. The crumble of stone beneath this fist briefly made him feel better, but then he remembered Obi-Wan’s heartbroken expression in the light of an underworldly glow, and the tiny, choked sound he heard when the healers moved him and Anakin just...collapsed, falling to his knees.

Master Windu sank down gracefully beside him.

“Anakin. This isn’t about attachment issues, is it.”

“Not really, no. I mean, maybe you’ll blame attachment but it’s more about...”

“Anger.”

Anakin looked up at that, trying to regain the meditative calm he had felt for a glimmering moment yesterday, right in-between making peace in the cave and everything burning to ash.

“You know that I have had my own struggles with anger. It is how and why I came to develop Vaapad.”

“Yes, but you’ve Mastered your anger. And you’ve never...never given in to hate.”

A beat passed and Windu watched some of Skywalker’s familiar breaking points flicker into view.

“You’ve done something. Something you know the Jedi won’t forgive.”

“Obi-Wan forgave me.” Anakin said, whispering. “He said that even though I couldn’t fix what I did he loved me anyway and I just needed to...to honestly regret what I did and not do it again. I told him I’d get rid of my lightsaber and I meant it and...I thought he forgave me. I was ready to go to the Council with him, come clean about everything. And then I left him alone to get dinner and when I came back...he was holding my lightsaber. My lightsaber.”

Anakin buried his face in his hands, shuddering with creeping cold.

“I’m not going to critique your and Obi-Wan’s attachment to each other right now. I’m well aware that much of the order has turned to personal ties to maintain their stability given the ongoing horrors of war. I am, for many reasons, wary of the risks this brings us, yet it is also true that risks do not automatically mean failure. I myself have mastered my emotions in a different manner than conventional wisdom councils.”

Windu spoke carefully. For all that he and Anakin had similar relationships with the force, they rarely saw eye to eye on any given subject. At a certain point, Mace had accepted that the volatile young man was determined to find the worst possible interpretation for anything he said. And Mace was not the order’s most patient diplomat.

“As for your crime, whatever it is, l will tell you this: Unless you choose to renounce the code and leave our number, you will be treated as a Jedi Knight, subject to our protections, as well as our judgement. You will receive appropriate mental counseling. If you are judged to be a danger to those around you, your actions will be curtailed and monitored, possibly through temporary confinement. The Jedi do not believe in punitive measures for their own sake, but you may be required to provide restitution to those you harmed, perhaps indefinitely.

Silence hung perilously between them. Windu watched a tremor run through the unfathomable kaleidoscopic of shatterpoints that had orbited Skywalker since he was a boy. A small one broke inward, and an attached tangle of larger, darker ones fell away, crumbling to dust. The rest faded from view, invisible for the moment. A choice had been made, some decision that closed off at least one path to the darkside.

“There’s no one to make restitutions to.”

“...You’re going to have to elaborate on that.”

“Let’s go back inside- I don’t want to do this twice.”

They returned to the increasingly hated meeting room.

Anakin spoke in an outpouring of words about love and hate, about misplaced revenge and now uncertain forgiveness. When he finally finished, the room was deathly silent.

The three Jedi sat quietly while Cody pinched the bridge of his nose. “I guess this is why Jedi have the no attachment rule, huh? I admit I never really got it, but I suppose even if I-”

Bant abruptly lunged up, fumbling to bring her lightsaber to Anakin’s neck. Everyone jumped to their feet, except for Anakin, who stared at Bant with a wretched expression.

“MASTER EERIN! This is not-”

“Did you do it?” she asked, ignoring the Master of the Order.

“Bant!”

“It was my first thought after I saw him. We all rushed in expecting a fight, or a bomb, only to find you, insane, and him with a hole next to his heart. I didn’t want to believe it of course, but you’ve always had a violent streak that Obi-Wan, force help him, couldn’t quite soothe away. A fight gone wrong. Master Windu said it was suicide, and I believed him, and I’ve been trying to make sense of that ever since. But Mace found you after, didn’t he? After you felt guilty? Did you think he was going to turn on you?”

“Bant Eerin, you are dangerously-”

“No.” Anakin whispered.

“Obviously I might be why. But I didn’t- I couldn’t. I know I’m not good but I can’t even imagine- holding a saber against him like that. Kriff, do you not get how much I can’t handle losing people I love? I was insane when you saw me because I saw someone trying to kill Obi-Wan and I couldn’t even fight them.”

Bant held his gaze for several lingering seconds, deactivated her saber and dropping it with a clatter. They stared at each other, breathing heavily and not blinking. She returned to her seat, moving jerkily. “I apologize Knight Skywalker. That was uncalled for.”

“I wish I could say I wouldn’t have done the same thing in your shoes” he responded lowly. Bant made a tiny, unintelligible noise in reply.

Cody collapsed back into his chair, holstering his blaster. “Alright then...so after you finished sitting in the fountain room...what happened next?”

Everyone stared at him.

“What?”

“You’re handling Anakin’s confession somewhat dispassionately. We’re simply surprised.” Mace said slowly, returning to his seat at the same time as Master Aerdo fell into theirs.

Cody shifted uncomfortably. “The vod were trained in a wide range of enemy suppression tactics. While we’re extremely glad the Jedi have never asked us to employ them, I’m not...unfamiliar with this scale of deliberate slaughter. At least in the hypothetical, sir.”

“I see.” Aerdo said. “That is a valuable insight to have, thank you. Knight Skywalker-”

“Just...call me Anakin. Or Skywalker.”

“Anakin. When did this happen?”

“About two years ago, immediately before the First Battle of Geonosis.”

“And have you had any similar experiences with giving into the darkside since?” they asked placidly.

“I don’t think so but...we went to war the next day and....I don’t know if I’ve stopped fighting since it- since I did what I did.”

“Hmm. Anakin, would you mind stepping outside the room and waiting in the corridor for a moment please?”

He bit his tongue, tasting blood, and quietly walked out the door while the Masters decided his fate. He leaned back against a wall, desperately wanting to see Padme.

To his surprise, the door opened barely a few minutes later, and he was politely invited back in.

“Anakin.” Master Windu spoke. “Thank you for telling us this. It’s an important insight into Obi-Wan’s feelings right now, and I recognize that you could have kept it a secret. As Head of the Order, and with the advice of a Senior Soul Healer, I have made a decision. You will be assigned a personal soul healer, who you will start seeing tomorrow. Commander Cody pointed out that over nearly two years of continuous warfare, you have maintained some of the the lowest trooper casualty units of any division, by a significant margin if we evaluate based on mission risk level. Your civilian and enemy casualties will be reviewed, but even considering constant war, since your massacre of the Tuskens, you have clearly managed to at least... direct your violence away from the innocent. We do not consider you a threat to the inhabitants of the world. For the time being, I see no real benefit to limiting or tracking your behavior within the temple or on planet, but you are barred from leaving orbit. I have decided to delay a full reckoning before the council until such time that your former Master is well enough to provide his own opinion. Give me just cause, and I will have you confined to a force-suppressing cell. Do you understand?”

Anakin nodded, bowing in acknowledgment. All things considered, it was...honestly better than he expected.

“Now, as Cody” Windu paused. “My apologies, as the Commander was saying-”

“Cody’s fine, sir” Cody said, wrung out in a way different from anything Kamino had trained him for.

“...I think we can all consider ourselves on a first name basis at this point.” Bant said with a snort. She paused. “That includes you Anakin. I really don’t know how to handle what you did but kark it, I don’t want to hate you. For myself.”

Everyone nodded.

“As Cody was saying, what happened next?”

Peace. Comfort. Hunger. A warning in the force...

“I tried to pull the saber back but his finger was already on the igniter...”

“You probably saved his life. Even a second later-”

“I know, that’s almost the worst part.”

“-his neck”

“Why would he change weapons?”

“What if-”

“He said what to you and Healer Che?”

“That has to support the detailed vision idea, think about-”

“I’m sorry, Emperor?”

“I think we’re done.”

Anakin stared blankly at Sife. “But we didn’t figure anything out.”

“Not conclusively, but we’re unlikely to make any more progress, you’ve given me enough information to preform a meaningful meditative scan, or guide a conversation, should Obi-Wan wake, or navigate through his mind, should we decide to make a more decisive attempt at his shields.”

“Master Aerdo... I leave the final judgement up to you, but I strongly urge you to make a more decisive attempt. I am more convinced now than I was...” Mace glanced at the chronometer “five hours ago that this was motivated by a specific, external stimuli, likely dark. Do you disagree?”

“No.” they said with a sigh. “But I don’t want to underestimate how much underlying factors might have contributed to his response to stimuli, including underlying factors that none of you were aware of.”

The Nautolan Soul Healer stood up, tucking their hands into their sleeves to address the room with classical Jedi serenity. It was a little irritating.

“In any case, we all need to sleep, eat, and meditate. Master Eerin, you have the rest of the day off, I've cleared it with Master Che already. Master Windu, I leave the final judgement up to you, and I am aware that your duties as Master of the Order are unceasing, but I urge you to take some time to center yourself before returning to the council. Commander Cody, I would be more than willing to arrange soul healing for you or any of the Vod, please let me know. Anakin, you will receive a comm later today with further details on your future healing sessions.

They bowed low, then glided out the door.

Bant stood next, bowed individually to each soul, and sped walked out.

Commander Cody cleared his throat awkwardly, “Mace- what should I tell the troops? We’re supposed to have command briefings later tonight.”

“If anyone asks about General Kenobi, tell them its classified.” I’ll schedule a briefing on the subject. Now go find Captain Rex and take care of yourself, that’s an order.”

Cody saluted, first to the high General, then to Anakin.

Finally it was just Mace and Anakin.

“Is there anyone who you trust who I can call to stay with you.” Master Windu asked.

“I can manage on my own” Anakin replied, not willing to give the Master of the Order anything else he could use against him, even after everything.

Master Windu held back a sigh.

He continued once more, making a deliberate attempt to soften his tone. “Anakin- I know we’ve had our differences, but this is not a trick, nor a trap. You’ve suffered a series of great shocks in the last 24 hours and handled them with immense maturity. I myself am struggling to deal with the emotional fallout.”

Anakin looked up at that, surprised. He didn’t seem to be struggling, but maybe that was what made him a good Jedi Master...

“As I told you before, I am not going to begrudge you the comfort of attachment. I’m rather convinced it would do you more harm than good at this point. I don’t want you flying right now, and you don’t have to be alone. I hope we have come to a better understanding today, but I doubt my presence is suddenly a comfort, though please correct me if I’m wrong. Now is there someone I can call?”

Padme ended her call with Master Windu extremely discomfited. She had barely heard from Anakin since he ran out on her the night before last to take care of an apparently extremely drunk Obi-Wan. He had messaged her a few times that night, promising to make it up to her, but had been comm-silent since. She had been starting to get worried, and now the Master of the Order was asking her to pick him up from the temple. Fortunately, she had already cleared most of her meetings for the week well in advance (Courascant leave usually meant THEM time, not that she was jealous of Obi-Wan, of course).

The speeder ride back from the temple was silent. All Anakin would say was that he would explain everything once they were in ‘a secure location.’

The door to the apartment had scarcely closed behind them when Anakin fell into her arms, shaking.

“Anakin, talk to me love, what’s wrong?” She gently guided him to the couch, arranging him so she could hold him protectively.

“Obi-Wan tried to kill himself.”

She let out a harsh gasp, “No! He can’t have, he would never-”

“I got to him in time, but Padme... he was holding a lightsaber to his heart. It was...really close” He burrowed deeper into the folds of her dress, and she gripped him fiercely.

“Oh gods, is he-”

“He’s physically healing, but he’s still...not all there. I spent all of today locked in a room, trying to figure out if it was a Sith Attack, or an insane vision, or..or me”

“Anakin! What do you mean ‘me’ - Obi-Wan loves you, you-”

“I know.” Anakin interrupted her again, knowing he was being unfair; he was just too exhausted to be patient.

“He told me loved me. He...he...found out about what I did to the Tusken village, You should have seen his face, Padme, he was horrified, but he still told me he loved me, and he was willing to forgive me, even though he shouldn’t”

“Of course he forgave you,” Padme whispered. “You’re not a monster, Anakin, I know you would never do something like that again.”

"And then after we talked, I left him alone and he-” Anakin choked out into her dress.

Tears ran down her face, heart breaking. “That’s- that’s horrible. Anakin...it must have have been a attack, Obi-Wan wouldn’t do that.” she said urgently.

He pulled away, horrified. “I made you cry. I made Obi-Wan cry too. I’m sorry- Padme please, promise me you won’t-”

She grabbed the sides of his head.

Her nails bit into the soft skin behind his ears as she pulled him down so they were face-to-face, vowing, “Never. I swear by the force itself, I will never choose death over life.”

He let out a relieved sigh, eyes fluttering closed.

“Now you,” she demanded

“As long as I have anyone to live for, I swear by the force, I will never choose death over life.”

She pulled him the rest of the way in for a bruising kiss. He lifted her, and they desperately clung at one another as he carried her to bed. They continued like that, clinging and grasping, until exhaustion carried him to sleep. She pulled the covers over top them both and curled around him defensively as the day slowly faded away.

Part XI

#star wars #my au #suicidal misunderstanding au #prequel trilogy #potentially triggering #discussions of suicide #references to self-harm #star wars au #bonding? between #Mace Windu and Anakin Skywalker #? in my #hurt/comfort fic #? It’s more likely than you’d think #also I struggle with fix it stories that just never address the big tusken elephant in the room? of course i want everyone to #live happily ever but theres a certain scale of atrocity that i feel u gotta address 2 get there #ugh this chapter got reallly long and im just gonna post it ok? ok.#meh #a lot of this fic is just people mentally going What The Fuck at various registers with different inflections #Because that’s not an inappropriate response to time travel in general! and star wars canon in particular.#star wars au no 27

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coldmorte · 3 years

Note

So i have some unpopular opinions; i feel like Dutch doesnt sleep around as much as people would like to think. He probably likes the fact that people think that of him, even if its not his style. Also...i dont think Dutch and Molly have any chemistry.

Howdy! (ASK 1 OF 2)

I apologize it took me some time to actually reply to this, especially because it is such a great ask! I definitely agree with both points made here, but I was debating how I wanted to write a response (and how far to take it).

Anyway, I'm open to hearing unpopular opinions! I know I have plenty of my own, so I'm not really one to judge others (as long as there is mutual respect) ☺️

My response is fairly long, and it deals with some sensitive topics. I decided to add a cut to this first ask, just to be safe! 💜💜💜

(Warning: SPOILERS below)

In regard to Dutch sleeping around, there are a few reasons why I don’t think he does it as much as it is often implied/assumed (I’m primarily limiting this to the timeframe of RDR2, Ch. 1-6).

First of all, Molly explicitly says Dutch doesn’t show her a lot of physical attention, even though he is her SO. If he’s not sleeping with her much, I doubt that he is going around with any other women at this time. He seldom leaves camp, outside of doing missions, so it is unlikely that he would meet up with anybody not in the gang. It just doesn’t seem plausible to me, as it would put him in a vulnerable position.

Dutch complains multiple times - including to Molly - that he is under stress and concerned about the Pinkertons closing in on them. Why would he go around outside the camp sleeping with random women? It would put him at the risk of being seen or reported on, and I believe he is smarter than to take on the unnecessary danger. Generally, he doesn’t spend much time in civilized areas, unless he needs to.

Not to mention, stress can be a real inhibitor of sex drive. For the entirety of the game, Dutch exhibits various degrees of anxiety and depression. I believe the gang and his personal safety were of much more concern to him, thus diminishing his interest in sex.

Speaking of the gang, I don’t personally see Dutch as sleeping around with the women in it that much. He did have a relationship with Susan in the past. Whether anything was still going on between them or not is uncertain, but if there was something, it probably was not serious or very frequent. In RDR1, he also suggests that he slept with Abigail, but if this happened, I doubt it would have occurred during the events of RDR2. They hardly ever interacted, and when Abigail did talk about Dutch, it was almost always in a negative manner. Dutch also showed some interest in Mary-Beth. However, I don’t think it went beyond flirting. She didn’t show much interest in him, and I think word would have gotten around if he tried to force anything, especially to Arthur (I am not going to discuss the events of RDR1 in any more detail here because that is a whole different conversation). But other than them, who else in the gang? There were not enough interactions with other women to suggest there was anything between them and Dutch.

Also, sex was considerably more risky in 1899 than it is today, and the means of contraception were not as dependable. For instance, The Pill didn’t go onto the market for another 60 years, and it was more difficult to get ahold of other birth control methods. This was partly because there were not as many technological advancements in this field and because there were a few laws that prevented reliable access to contraceptives (ex: The Comstock Laws). Condoms were arguably one of the easier birth control methods to find, but they still were not as widely available then as they are today (the quality was arguably not as good either). As I understand it, some searching was generally required to get ahold of condoms (usually in more civilized areas, which Dutch tried to avoid).

Dutch is a very contradictory character. My point in bringing up birth control is because although on some level I think Dutch probably would have liked to have actual children, I do not think he was serious enough about it to take any risks that might have led to an unwanted pregnancy during the timeframe of RDR2. As I mentioned, he was under a lot of stress with the gang. A biological child on top of that most likely would have overwhelmed him, and it would have required a long-term commitment to not only the child, but to the mother as well. I believe Dutch was smart enough to recognize this danger, and since birth control methods were not as widely available or reliable, he would not have wanted to sleep around too much (unwanted pregnancies were relatively common during this era).

I’ve written in the past that I believe Dutch had a certain degree of self-consciousness underneath his pride, so I do agree that he probably would have liked people finding him attractive or seductive. These traits emanate a sense of power and confidence, which would have provided a more favorable presentation of himself to others. These perceptions certainly would have helped to conceal his own self-doubts and insecurities, so he would have welcomed them, rather than try to refute them.

Now, in regard to the chemistry between Dutch and Molly, I agree. I think it was a pretty bad relationship all around. I don’t see its flaws as being entirely one-sided.

I will get into this a little more on the next ask, but I will discuss a few things here first.

Starting with Dutch, I will admit that he could have treated Molly a lot better. Even if he wasn’t happy with her or the status of their relationship, he should have seriously talked to her more. She deserved that, at the very minimum. There were a few instances where she tried to get his attention, and he just brushed her off. Again, like I said, even if he wasn’t very keen on the relationship anymore, he should have at least been honest about that. Then, as I already discussed, he had some mildly flirtatious conversations with Mary-Beth. I certainly do not think this helped matters. It was rude the way he insulted Molly for bringing up his interactions with Mary-Beth and how he pretended he had no idea what Molly was talking about.

Onto Molly, I don’t think she was perfect either. I know Dutch didn’t talk with her nearly as much as he should have, but she didn’t seem to show a whole lot of support for him in return. Dutch expressed that he was feeling stressed and not up to much physical activity, to which she got quite upset. She seemed to turn some arguments towards herself and her needs, with little regard for Dutch’s wellbeing. I do think she was selfish for demanding him to give her something he did not want to give/could not provide. Also, she refused to help the gang find leads or assist with chores, even when told to do so by others (ex: Dutch and Arthur). She tended to act above everybody else, claiming she wasn’t a servant to the needs of the gang as a whole. Though I can respect her sense of independence in that regard, it did show a sense of entitlement. Even Dutch donated to the gang funds, and as the leader, he was the one responsible for overseeing the vast majority of missions they engaged in. Molly was the only person who really did not contribute much. (Side note: Even UNCLE - the laziest bastard in the West - helped with leads and contributions!!)

I will get into this more in the following ask, but although I know she loved Dutch to an extent, I think part of her fascination with him was rooted in infatuation. Little is known about her background, but it is canon that she came from a wealthy and influential family in Ireland. I think part of the reason why she liked Dutch so much was because of the powerful position he held. She frequently lashed out at people who she perceived as challenging the reality of her “love” for him, such as Abigail and Karen. In one instance, Molly even went so far as to slap Karen across the face because she thought Karen was talking negatively about her. There was no evidence to prove or disprove Molly’s beliefs, but it did show that she was pretty sensitive about criticism (whether it was perceived or real) in regard to her relationship with Dutch.

Now, Dutch was wrong to use Molly’s fascination with him and his role in the gang to seduce her. But like I said, both of them had their issues. It was just a bad situation from both sides, and I do not think it should have happened in the first place. I don’t necessarily blame one more than the other. To be honest, I think they each deserved someone who fit them better.

And if I am being even MORE honest, I think Dutch should have stayed with Susan. She loved him, and he made a big mistake in ever giving her up. I believe the events of RDR2 would have turned out very differently, had he kept her closer.

(Ending note: Outside of serious posts - like this one - I know I make quite a few jokes about Dutch on my blog in regard to sexuality, but I do not mean for much of what I say in that regard to be taken *too* seriously. I don’t particularly want to discuss my personal life in the text of this post, but I will say that even if Dutch was a person I knew in real life, I’m not sure I would seriously want anything to happen between us. However, that is another matter entirely that has nothing whatsoever to do with him. I absolutely LOVE his character to death, and my blog will remain dedicated to his role in the RDR story for as long as I am around! That is all that should matter!!!)

Also, it is perfectly fine and normal to separate fiction from reality! It is okay to alter interpretations of Dutch (and/or Molly) for the sake of artistic expression, as long as the reasons can be justified. Furthermore, it is fine to disagree with me!!

I just hope this response gave you a thing or two to consider. Thank you again for sending your message in!! 💜💜💜

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blole-hack · 3 years

Text

placeholder introduction post thingy. will edit if i have something relevant to add about myself in the future or something

if i say something wrong or if I'm annoying you please tell me ;_;

sorry, I have no idea how tumblr etiquette works

I'm Max

I'm a boy

I use he/him. they/them is cool too actually, I'm not nonbinary tho

I'm bi greyrose & demian

flags left to right top to bottom: demian, grayrose, angled aroace, marblic [mlm, mlnb, & mlw], monoamorous [just to balance it because i hate the 3 2 flag pattern ugh. but also why not lol]

omnibi then omniaspec

I really love my Bi flag but its more specific to use omnibi because omnibi encompasses all types of attraction https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Omnibi so ;-; goodbye bi flag.

omniaspec because I'm grey for everything (though mostly in different ways) and most of them are demi

I'm Filipino

I'm 16

i dont judge anyone based on their sexuality, gender identity, race, religion, neurodivergence, disabilities. we're all cool here.

"WOW, MAX so many flags!!! Ur freaking weird youre using so many adjectives on your introductionnnnn" well, fret not, i don't intruduce myself like this aaaaalll the time tbh i just wanted a few flags but then the tumblr format annoyed me so i had to make it even, and then the formatting broke and I'm too lazy to fix it so deal with it

I'm sorry if I don't reply to your dms,

I'm a minor and I'm extremely sus of people who message me without interacting with me much. uhh pedos exist also. So, I'm really not gonna risk it unless I know what your intentions are/what you want to talk about.

shipping preferences

This may come as a shock to you/s, but I'm a bakudeku shipper 😱😱😱

bakudeku switches. I rest my case.

I'm not a shipper of poly ships unless they're canon poly (most of the time), but it honeslty makes me smile sometimes ESPECIALLY if i shipped all if them at some point. but i really prefer mono bakudeku. they're just way too intense with each other SJDJWJS. todomomojirou sounds neat but I'm more partial to momojirou though. but the slight bkdk parallels :(((

As long as it's well made, I like concepts with the other baku and deku ships. only the concept though.

not a proshipper not an anti proshipper either. here's my sleepy explanation:

i don't condone pedo ships. there's a certain line that shouldn't be crossed :") sorry

i believe that there is an extent in which shipping does affect reality. i only ship ships that i believe won't have a negative impact.

shipping affecting reality is up to two things, did the author frame it as a good thing? or not? and it's up to the audience, are the audience knowledgeable and know that it's wrong irl but still enjoy content of it? or are they impressionable and are influenced by the show?

pedo ships are definitely not cool though (mostly referring to canonically pretty pedo characters) and are harmful always. especially if you draw them in explicit wayyy

how i feel about aging up probably depends on the perspective of the person shipping.

it's a case to case basis for this stuff. and there's many factors to decide if it's like those two things. and i guess the deciding thing is the psychology of the shipper

ok that might not be clear I'm gonna go back to sleep now

school -> sleepy -> dying inside -> I want to talk about lots of things like why I disagree about some things but I have to prioritize my life (unlike me, before, staying up late like a dumbass) many things are important but health is more important ok. future me i s2g if you do something stupid again

please don't assume weird things about me because of bakudeku okay ;_; I just wanna vibe :'))) as much as i have lots to say i wont assume weird things about antis either let's just chill ok there's other things we might have in common :'(( pls antisssssss

Fave stuff (wont disclose all in case i need to migrate)

Fanfic type: FLUFF

manga/manhwa/manhua/comics in general/Animes/Donghua/Animated things in general:

most favorite:

(they're all tied)

- my hero academia

- haikyuu

- link click

- KUNG FU PANDA

honorable:

- hunter x hunter (love the nen system)

- JJK

- re:zero

- chainsaw man

- slime tensei

- spirit pact

- puella magi madoka magica (I think I first watched it when I was five HAHAHAHA i was so traumatized.)

- mob psycho 100

- one punch man

- Yu Yu Hakusho

for the love of dog, i swear if A YYH FAN TALKS ABOUT HOW PEOPLE SHOULD WATCH YYH INSTEAD OF MHA BECAUSE OF SOME OBVIOUSLY SHALLOW REASONS AGAIN I WILL FLIP MY SH-

just love both ok

(also the fighting was just way too dragged out in the anime. I loved the characters though, not really Yusuke [sorry i just don't like how he's kind of a sexual,,, harasser. Ignoring that, he's not bad])

- Heaven official's blessing

the donghua is great and I love how they animated the romantic tension. same studio with link click too.

(I *almost* finished the book but I don't want to anymore. I have gripes about how Hua Cheng doesn't have any real attachments besides Xie Lian iirc. He doesn't have any other meaning to his life and I'm not into that kind of thing. They're not bad for each other but the way Hua Cheng loves him is the mark of someone with a crap childhood and it's just sad to see. it makes a lot of sense, I just don't find it romantic.

oh my god was that a controversial opinion please don't kill me

The plot is excellent though iirc. I really have respect for her as an author especially since writing is hard and she wrote a really really long story. it's my favorite published book besides [some childhood books that i wont mention] It's a very engaging book. I stayed up until 4 am to read it many times [not a good habit don't do that])

had to say it because I should clarify my shipping preferences since this is a ship blog focused on bkdk

So obviously i think, my story preferences are:

- stories with good ol internal conflict that affect the main plot and with loveable characters

Hobbies:

- writing (I'm a complete novice. haven't finished anything yet)

- drawing (I'm also a beginner)

note to self: probably post the other stuff separately then put it here

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honestlyandrogynousnightmare · 3 years

Text

A study in Sherlock Holmes (s1e1)

A Study in Pink is an introduction to these characters and this universe, it sets up key plot points that are expanded on and sets up some characters that are beautifully developed and expended on throughout the rest of the series.

Sherlock is presented as an abnormally smart, lonely, and to an extent, arrogant person that lacks a filter and can be rude and disrespectful through his deductions (honestly id say that this is a pretty accurate description of sherlock throughout the first two seasons) however, he isn't a total prick, and is shown to be nice to be around.

Sherlock is ahead of everyone else around him, his brain works faster and that is also portrayed through the pace he is speaking at, unusually fast, with no doubt and a lot of confidence in the things he is saying. Quite early on, we also realise how dedicated he is to his job, as Sally said, he doesn't get paid. It becomes clear that he enjoys it (well not many people would jump around happily when they learn that there's a serial killer out there) which is what sets him out from normal people quite a lot.

Now the key point: "I'm not a psychopath, Anderson, I'm a high functioning sociopath". I think when we are first introduced to this idea, its easy to believe. We don't start doubting that idea until the later episodes, especially towards season 4. Now whatever you may think about this, whether you really do believe he's a sociopath or you think its aspergers syndrome or (/and) ADHD, or something completely different, there really wasn't a reason to doubt this idea. It's made clear that he doesn't have any close bonds, even with his own brother. He doesn't seem to show any negative emotions when he sees a woman lying dead, and actually calls the case “fun”. This shows pretty well that he knows absolutely n o t h i n g about human nature or that he is simply unable to feel sympathy. For first time watchers, I think that it gives off the idea of a mixture of these two, however, over time it leans more into him just not having enough experience with humans.

I feel like i have to talk about sexuality here, now you can believe whatever you want about his sexuality this is just my view, its alright to disagree. He pretty much denies being straight, saying that girlfriends “aren’t his [my] area”, he never actually denies that he is gay, only saying that he knows its alright. He does later go on to say that he “considers him[my]self married to his [my] work” which could mean a lack of interest. Some people also believe that he is asexual so that awkward conversation between him and John could be pointing at that idea.

There is also a small introduction to his drug problems, he establishes that “nicotine patches help him [me] think” and I inferred that its what he used harder drugs for too.

Lastly, something that really stood out to me was his confusion when John was laughing at the “welcome to London”. That small look of surprise always hits me, it also shows how he doesn't have friends or anyone to spend time with, therefore doesn't really get people laughing at his jokes or reacting positively to anything he says.

Now onto the relationships we are introduced to:

First we see Sherlock and Molly. Sherlock is either completely oblivious to Molly's affection towards him, because he's not interested in her specifically, not interested in dating overall or isn't attracted to women. He does seem to take advantage of Molly's affection for him, whether its conscious or not, even through asking her to get him coffee. I think I read somewhere that Molly was only meant to be introduced for an episode to showcase Sherlocks arrogance (but evidently came back for more episodes because of how liked she was) and that kind of sums up their relationship, especially near the beginning.

I've always seen Mrs Hudson as a somewhat parental figure to Sherlock, yes we have mummy Holmes but we never really got too much information about her until season 3. You can see that Sherlock does care for her, whether he wants to admit it or not. It's quite obvious through the hug honestly. Even from the first few minutes we can infer that Sherlock isn't all for physical contact and that hug shows that they have a close bond.

Now for Lestrade, it's clear that Graham relies on Sherlock quite a lot, whether he wants it or not (we can assume he doesn't really like being so dependent on him). He knows about Sherlocks drug habits and has known him for “5 years”. The fact that he has known Sherlock for quite a while but admits to not knowing much about him is quite telling about how closed in Sherlock is. He also clearly thinks sherlock is extraordinary talented, but lacks humanity in a way, I think this is particularly shown through the "he's a great man, he might even be a good one" phrase.

We only really get to see a glimpse of his relationship with Mycroft, but I think that even from the few minutes we get to see them interact, their relationship is conveyed perfectly. Though there is clearly a lot of resentment between them, Mycroft admits to caring about Sherlock. What's also important to note is that even Mycroft, the closest person to Sherlock probably, acknowledges that Sherlock doesn't have friends, and that he forming some sort of relationship with John is clearly odd behaviour.

Anddddd lastly, John Watson. I love the contrast between John and Sherlock, mainly through the fact that Sherlock has the brains, but is lacking heart, and John is the exact opposite, yes he is smart for an average human being but he is nowhere near as smart as Sherlock, but he does have the heart. I feel like they are made to complete each other and when they aren't together, something always ends up going wrong (though I will explore this when it comes to later episodes). They are also very similar in an odd way, they enjoy the danger they put themselves in. When John started doubting Sherlock slightly after Sally said that “he gets off on it” Sherlock was quick to point out that “he[I] said danger, and here he[you] are”. They both enjoy the adrenaline that solving crimes gives them, and its beautiful to see that while the characters evolve, change, mature and make mistakes, that doesn't change about them.

Whoooooshhh that was a ride, anyways, i will try doing one of these a week if anyone seems to like them, let me know of anything you would add (i most definitely missed something) or just your overall thoughts, I’d love to hear them! Apologies for repeating myself so much, if you would like a summary then: Sherlock is a lonely genius.

#Sherlock Holmes #Sherlock #bbc sherlock #johnlock #john watson #molly hooper #mycroft holmes #mrs hudson #greg lestrade #character study #essay #help me #this took too long #a study in pink #fandom #superwholock #sherlockian

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capriccio-con-espressione · 5 years

Text

N(oona) C(raving) T(endencies)

This is my 3k words of analysis of NCT members who I think are likely to have a noona kink based on the ask. Enjoy!

Disclaimer:

By this I am not saying that other members not mentioned here don't have any possibility to date an older female/enjoys referring to their dommes as noona, it's just like the tendency/preference isn't that clear or obvious in my opinion. Do not send in rude comments just because you disagree though I will appreciate some feedback.

Warning: Sub!Taeyong, Sub!Jungwoo, Sub!Mark, Sub!Xiaojun, Sub!Jaemin, Domme!Reader, Femdom, Noona kink, Degradation, Whipping, Spanking, Pegging, Public humiliation, Role-play, Oral sex, Sex toys, Dry humping, Dildo riding, Mentions of mental health issues/negative emotions

Taeyong

This boi is insufferably kinky and subby

In Baby Don't Like It he stated he likes it rough

In Whiplash he literally emphasized again how much of a painslut he is

And his ideal type is “Someone who can teach me, lead me, and make up for my flaws.”

To conclude this, Tyongie may be craving for a strong, mature female's guidance when he's lost and insecure, a noona domme who can heal all the anxiety, stress and inner guilt he's been through by her ruthless discipline, plus, the age hierarchy implied in the title will allow him to sink into his headspace even more.

He's such a sucker for this torment that, with one stern look from you, he will automatically strip naked and ready himself in the humiliating positions assigned by you before without any spoken command, and obediently waits for the first slap/whip while trembling in both anticipation and thrill

I can totally picture him begging his noona for more punishment, though already red, sore and sobbing

"...Ahhh noona I'm sorry... *sniffles* please punish me more for being a bad, ill-mannered boy...don't stop mmmff-"

However, that being said, if that noona domme is actually younger than him, he may be down for the added humiliation due to the role reversal

Imagine that younger domme dismissively orders him to call her "noona" in public, and commands him to use honorifics to speak to her, the exact type and wording that make him sound humbled…

He will be turned on by that while people around you shoot puzzled gazes toward you as they wonder why the hierarchy dynamics aren’t in the right place, making Taeyong feel embarrassed as well as aroused

By the way, some role-plays can be added to spice up your sex lives as well, e.g. CEO x employee, professor x student, guard x prisoner, to name a few, as long as you are in power and makes sure to beat the naughtiness and disobedience out of him

Though being intensely kinky during the session, aftercare for this precious boy has to be really fulfilling as well

So you have to be able to play an attentive caring role just like a noona (a little bit maternal figure as well, I have to admit)

Make sure the process is all intimate and brimming with praises, reassuring the broken figure that the "bad boy" is "forgiven" to thoroughly sew up his wounds

Bubble bath, scented candles with calming aroma, sensual massage with essential oils of his favorite scent and texture, or having some good quality snacks while cuddling, are all good options for aftercare because all of them can reinforce the idea that he’s “worthy” of anyone’s love and attention due to the physical contact and interactions allowed in them

So steamy and sensual that if done correctly, Taeyong may be in the mood for another round of vanilla sex to get an extra gratifying orgasm again

Jungwoo

A clingy little pup that will follow you around and will cutely pout when not given enough attention or skinship

Loves to be babied and taken care of, so he would love the accompany of a sweet caring noona to make him feel at ease (borderline mommy kink as well)

Remember that Valentine's Day Facetime vid where he just referred to the viewer insert as "noona"? That probably implied his preference for an older female figure

Will do anything to please you since he's very love-starved and doesn't want you to feel uncared for because he knows too well how much that sucks, he will shower you with the same amount of affection he expects from you as well

Anxious and always worries about if he's still "needed", so that's why he will opt for a perspicacious noona to counsel him for his delicate soul to rely on, and shower him with the adequate amount of love then pamper him

Melts at cute pet names such as pup, angel, prince, little fairy, snoopy or any endearing terms because they make intimacy upgrade to another level

May act a bit playful or even borderline bratty from time to time, mainly to spice things up and get some sexy punishment to release his excess nervousness

But hardcore stuff definitely isn't for him, since the soft boy can't tolerate much pain.

Light impact play on his erogenous zones is fine, but he enjoys the feelings of vulnerability and exposure more rather than the pain itself

The type to let out loud moans even when just getting his underwear peeled down because the instant when the air hits his flesh is a huge turn-on for him, so much to the extent he is yearning to beg you to fuck him just from getting naked

Very sensitive, literally gasps, squirms and grinds every time when you caress or slap his sweet zones and will beg you to stop though you know he's enjoying it too much

Will repeat your title like a mantra as if it's the only thing that can keep him sane

Be wailing like "Hnnngh noona pretty pleeaase stop spanking me ahhh noona no I'll be a good boy pleaseee it stings noona I'm sorryyy hahhh" but the way how his hips rock against your lap will betray his words, giving you more reason to torture him

Loves being pegged and used, or getting his all possible sensitive spots stimulated and stuffed at once because he just lusts after every inch of his body being thoroughly pleasured inside-out, and drown in the depths of overstimulation and hedonistic ecstasy to feel completely loved and secured

Edging is really suitable for this delicate boy because of the enhanced experience after prolonged denial, which makes the orgasm more earth-shattering than ever

Though he will be a teary puddle and begs you to end the ordeal, the uncertainty and feebleness associated with edging will turn his mind into a soaring frenzy state even more, enabling him to release all his pent-up frustrations and negativity while finally allowed to empty his balls

Likely to get emotional and will hold on to you very tight during post-climax aftercare due to the intense sensation that just washed through his mind and body, feeling extra fragile and really needs to be thoroughly cared for

Petting his head, kissing his tears away with "I love you"s constantly coming out of your lips is a must, as he drifts to sleep like a fallen angel nestled in his safe space, which is the warm spot between your chest and your arms

Mark

An easily flustered mess when it comes to straightforward proactive girls

Having left his family and devoted himself to the industry at such a tender age, he may want to be the more passive, dependent one in a relationship to make up for his lost adolescence

So he's probably looking for someone who he can rely on and takes the initiative in bed, while all he has to do is to close his eyes and enjoy himself

When he finds you, to whom he trusts enough to pour his doubts and perplexion about life, and is always guaranteed to receive some really thoughtful response, he sees you as someone very valuable.

But more than that, you are a woman who seems to have endless fuel of passion, the exact type with whom Mark can replenish his strength when he got engulfed by the abyss of stress

Also, you are notably witty with words that sometimes aids his lyric writing process, but that means he can never win against you in any friendly bickers as well, especially when you cite some of his lyrics to roast him that renders him speechless.

Yet somehow, he gets hooked to the feeling of being a powerless flustered bundle in front of you

Gradually it develops into dirty imagination of you manipulating him into a mindless mess

And you are exactly the burning blaze that will scorch his body with vehement desires, make him so depraved yet still internally demand more

Never did he realize that being obedient for a noona figure will feel this good until he met you, his ideal match

You will guide him how to touch himself properly like a big sis, then demonstrate it yourself followed by some edging, as he whimpers at the sense of loss every time his build-up is ruined, pleading you with those big puppy eyes

And when you get to peg him, he will love the feeling that he's completely owned by you, getting his ass spanked while fucked also serves as a good reminder of who he belongs to

Doesn't talk much during sex to indulge fully. Expect some incoherent moans and weak chants of your title from him instead

But the boy also knows how to reciprocate when he's ordered to. He knows how to work that rapper tongue too well even if his brain is not fully functioning

His tongue can do wonders to your folds and is guaranteed to perform great with your strap in his mouth, looking up at you with those pretty doe eyes all the time to see if you like how he's doing

Will probably require some time and space for himself to just chill and cool down during aftercare instead of being very clingy, all you need to do is to make sure he’s comfy, or place a glass of drink he likes beside him while he’s organizing his thoughts or doing anything that fits his mood.

No extra words or skinship is needed at this moment because based on your understanding and observations of him, he’ll be fully recharged when you decide he is most of the time

Xiaojun

A sensitive, sentimental bub that ponders a lot about lots of things

Passionate about music, and perhaps some classic literature or philosophy

So he may want his partner to share the same interests so he can love the way she wanna talk even more

Likely to crumble for a woman who’s sophisticated, cultured and speaks in a refined manner, and is often willing to discuss some profound matters with him, to the extent sometimes Xiaojun cannot keep up easily and may feel a bit flustered, but is secretly admiring her wits deep down while she’s patiently explaining some new art concepts or ideas to him

Hence, when he finds you, who is capable of playing that role and opening up new worlds to him, he is not only delighted but also excited and intrigued, anticipating every chance to talk to you more but when he finally seizes the opportunity, he will appear to smile shyly, avoiding your gaze all the time but whenever he slightly peeks at you, his eyes will be glittering with dreamy haze of enchantment

Because to him, knowledgeable women seem to have boundless potential that makes them distinctively mysterious as well as alluring, and he’s all about succumbing to that vast endearing wilderness, with you being the compass controlling his every move (lowkey sapiosexual I guess)

The fact that you are the embodiment of versatility, artistic grace, and mellow charisma, yet all cordial to him just like a jiě jie (noona in Mandarin) next door will flutter his heart as he falls for you even more

So once you finally end up in bed, he will be very enthralled and eager to please, and will literally subserviently worship every inch of your body as if you are a Goddess while complimenting you all the time

Yet not long after he will be amazed by another fact about you, that is, you are the definition of the saying “Sweet in the streets, freak in the sheets”

Xiaojun will soon find himself restrained while bent in compromising positions, with toys he never imagined a sweet person like you will ever own torturing his body and lust-crazed soul, as you whisper nasty degrading things to him, skewing and corrupting some classic literary works during the process, which makes him intoxicated in another sinfully imaginative aspect of your mind

Since he’s a sucker for anything about you, neglect play is a perfect way to torment him.

Chain him up and place a toy on him, which can be either a vibrator or a prostate massager, before leaving him untouched, and watch him writhe and moan helplessly in unsatisfied heat, with his distinctive brows furrowed, eyes glossy with plead and need, a beautiful image perfect to be ruined

Open to lots of kinks since you are able to make them gratifying and mind-blowing every time as he becomes closer to your ideal notion of subby boy toy with every progress

Will still remain a blushy mess when ordered to beg or admit something humiliating even after getting fucked multiple times, though he likes it so much

Something simple and lewd like “jiě jie please come in and fuck my slutty hole” “My pathetic dick only exists to be ravished by jiě jie” works well for him as he finally climaxes

This precious pretty boy is not all passive when receiving aftercare. Instead, he will sensually plant kisses all over your body while telling you how good you made him feel and how deeply he loves you

Melts and buries his face into the crook of your neck or sheets later on when you say the same back to him and praise him for taking you so well

Few moments of silent bliss will pass between you before you guide him back to reality again

Jaemin

Another little painslut that wishes to be tamed and roughed up

His tolerance of pain may not be as high as Taeyong, but he likes the humiliation as much as the older does

Being an idol is stressful and suppressing, so he desperately needs to find some release through some pleasurable pain for the endorphin rush

Preferably receiving it from a noona-like figure who definitely knows what she’s doing, and again the hierarchy from her title will enable him to feel floaty and more deserving of the punishment

He’s the type to be horny really often and does barely anything to hide it, qualifying him as a very communicative, responsive and expressive sub

So he acts up all flirty and bratty in front of females who he deems as potential targets, to evaluate who’s probably sadistic enough to cater to his needs judging from their reactions, and of course, your dismissive attitude and sharp chastisement on his behavior intrigue him

Then he will make a further approach to gain your attention, from unsolicited winks and aegyo to cheesy pick-up lines, even going as far as some skinship that you are smart enough to know how intentional it is, all screaming brat demeanor that gets you irritated and riled up

Once he finally successfully gets you to bare his bottom and bend him over your lap, he’s a mesmerized moaning mess while enjoying basking in your tauntingly degrading words, admitting he’s noona’s dimwitted slut even before you ask him that

But of course, a sound spanking is still not enough to quench his submissive needs, he will literally shamelessly beg for more

In a provocative way

He will blatantly seduce you, from inappropriately touching you to straight-up humping you until you lose it to punish him for being obnoxiously needy, tying him up and dishing out toys or other implements that can deliver even more intense pain

At first, he will feign reluctance by pouting or complaining how much it hurts even though it’s still far from what he is able to take, in order to infuriate you and provoke more out of what you can give him

Being insatiable as he is, after some pain inflicted on him, he will reveal his true masochistic self and directly asks you to punish him harder just like Taeyong will do, but Jaemin’s self-degradation will be much more hardcore and a bit creative

“Noona please do it harder! Ahh- I’ve been badder than that! Make your naughty indecent-minded whore cum just by paddling me because I’m that pathetic mmmff-”

When you are dicking him down, he will beg you to destroy his hole and be really graphic about it, making his intentions of wanting you to abuse him like a fucktoy utterly clear to drive you wilder, with that iconic blissful smile plastered on his pretty features

He will be obsessed with your powerful strength while ramming into him so much that he will masturbate by riding a dildo while moaning loud enough for you to take notice and break into the room

After you are pissed that he’s playing with himself without your permission, he will be all like “But I missed noona’s big mighty cock so much that I can’t wait hnnnghh noona please come punish my horny hole and make it so swollen and sore that it won’t whore up ever again pleeaaseeeee”

You will definitely be so sexually active and satisfied with him as your sub because of his neediness and salacious talk to ignite your dominant desires

Even though he enjoys getting fucked all over to earn some revival to his work-drained soul, and appears to recover really quickly after orgasms, even capable of engaging in some playful conversations with you, it’s still likely for him to feel hollow and internally worn out due to the drastic neurochemical change but he won’t make it obvious

So you will need to be really observant and keep reassuring him for his well-being because all the excessive stress he’s been struggling through that makes him this submissive is stemmed from his desperate needs for praise and recognition

That’s also one of the reasons why I think he will be into a noona domme because approval from superiors is relatively more rewarding

But with proper aftercare, he’ll stay hooked to you and continue to pleasure both himself and you with matching kinky desires

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grelleswife · 3 years

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Unpopular Opinion?: I actually love the Kuro anime and I think the dub voices are perfect for them.

My opinion varies depending on which versions we’re talking about.

The “Book of” adaptations: Strongly agree. They’re much truer to the manga, which gives then a darker tone more befitting the series as well as greater emotional clout. Although the animation isn’t mindblowingly good, it’s generally pleasing to the eye. 🖤

Season 1: Agree. The filler detracts somewhat from the original storyline, the completely unnecessary added subtext makes my skin crawl, and the animation style did not do any of the characters justice. However, Season 1’s off-the-wall, comical vibes give it a charm distinctly its own, and it also provided us with extra Grelle scenes, for which I am deeply grateful. 🙏

Season 2: Strongly disagree. Aside from the music, Hannah Annafellows, a little extra Grelle content, Alois and Luka, and a few snippets of demon lore that are never properly explored, there’s not much I like about Season 2. I actually had to take long breaks in between watching these episodes because the sloppy, OOC writing was making me so angry. 😂 I felt that Alois’s backstory wasn’t treated with the respect needed when dealing with such heavy subject matter, and the extent to which that poor kid was sexualized is kind of heartbreaking. And the ending is one of the worst possible outcomes we could expect from this story. Sebastian, who’s worked his tail off for the young master, has his hard-earned meal snatched away, and O!Ciel, a miserable soul who deserves a peaceful rest after the trauma he endured, is forced to live in perpetuity as a demon. Talk about a frustrating and narratively unsatisfying conclusion! 😣

The OVAs: Strongly agree. Unlike Season 1, which often feels like it can’t decide what it wants to be and waffles between a light-hearted route and the tragic elements from the manga, the OVAs wholly embrace their cracky nature. Though not without problematic elements (I think Ran Mao practically molests Mey Rin in one of them?), the OVAs are entertaining and always make me smile when I watch them. ☺️ Cheshire Grelle is a gift from God. 😻

And the OPs and EDs? They’re fire. 🔥🔥🔥

I love the English dub! J. Michael Tatum and Brina Palencia are the definitive Sebastian and O!Ciel. Although I respect that Grelle’s English dub isn’t for everyone, I think it suits her well. Most of the other VAs are solid, too! Although, as my girlfriend (who’s actually British) points out, the accents aren’t always 100% accurate. 😂

#kuro asks #kuroshitsuji

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norgestan · 4 years

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do you think that the blacklash for eskam s4 wouldn't be so strong if the season aired when it was originally intended? not that i don't think the criticism is unjustified but our expectations have been building and building up since march and for them to be not met on any level is much more disappointing. Obviously there are circumstances out of our control, but if the season originally aired back in april we wouldn't have got that 2nd trailer where kasim was framed as a love interest (1/3)

and maybe it wouldn't of have been such a blow when discovering what he actual purpose is the season is cause it was revealed pretty quickly. I am not trying to say that it's our own fault that we were too hyped up for this season and it's our fault that we were disappointed. Because eskam has proven themselves with the previous seasons, and that's reason enough to be excited. I am just hypothesising if the reactions would be different if the season was aired when it was meant to It might of been worse since it would have been airing during ramadan and might have felt like more of a betrayal to have these storylines during such an important and spiritual time for so many people who this season for (idk, i kinda feel like this season is more for (christian) white people than it is for muslims, lol). Sorry if this is a long ask, kinda want to get my feelings out there, thanks :)

dw anon!!! i love seeing long asks in my box! thank YOU for coming in :)

well first of all, i won’t be able to really comment on that part about muslim representation because i’m not muslim lol. but personally, especially when i look at kasim’s plot if looks like something out of a white mainstream show (cough cough elite), and i’ve already talked about how i think kasim’s motivations and actions are presented so that non-muslim, female teenage audiences can empathize with him for being gay over being muslim. so to that i can agree at some extent!

as for the reaction, i personally think it would’ve been worse. i’ve seen a few muslim blogs in the talk mention how certain clips would feel worse if they were on real time, as eskam fucking up their storylines during ramadan would feel like a bigger blow to them. you make a point about the trailer (and whenever i think about it i rage a little lol) but prior to the season’s release, a lot of us were hoping that they’d introduce a muslim character of color to split yousef’s role in the way eskam did with miquel and alejandro in s3. when we came to know that sofian had been casted by the show, those fans (me included) were hopeful that that’s where the show was heading, and we were effectively getting our first believing yousef in skam history. so the trailer did nothing but to feed the hype that we were already feeling... we were pretty hopeful on kasim being amira’s love interest up until the episode 3 script leaked.

but kasim not being amira’s love interest is definitely not the only problem. i could list you like five different ways in which kasim’s character would’ve been better, more sympathetic and more revelant to amira’s journey and the season’s themes, and eskam just went for the cheapest route to get some drama with both las labass and potentially the girl squad. even if i ignore all the racist, islamophobic and lgbtphobic rethoric of this storyline, eskam already fucked up the writing in terms of:

instead of making the conflict arise from the characters’ flawed personalities and actions, it introduces kasim who acts like a plot device to cause all of these divisions, meaning that kasim has no real character and all the conflict amira is experiencing with dounia rn is based off dumb miscommunication. (aka, the problem isn’t that amira is a Bad Person for outing kasim when he’s ruining her friendship with dounia, the problem is that this is such an ugly way to pin them against each other and create a hell week when we already know there’s other things amira and dounia can disagree with.)

relying on dumb miscommunication when the conflict used to be character-driven. again, the fact that kasim only exists as a plot device means all of this is plot-driven, and therefore, less compelling to watch. add to that the fact that you have to constantly ask yourself why x character is acting in this way, when that had never been a problem before.

depending on exposition and dialogue to develop relationships and characters. one of the things that really bothers me about monday’s clip with dani is that amira tells him that she has a bad temper and she has to control herself better. except that... amira is not like that? sana was like that. amira has always been level-headed and kind, even when she calls people out. she isn’t fierce and impulsive in the way sana was (in s1 we can see how cris is the one to take the fierce edge, like when she liked all of cristian’s photos, threatened to punch inés, called viri out for the photo, etc). but we’re supposed to simply believe this, and that’s why she won’t talk to dounia about kasim? and then there’s all the exposition dump in the extra clips of episode 3 that tells me nothing about why lucas even likes kasim or why kasim is in love with him and why am i supposed to want them to be together. and there’s also dounia describing kasim as a very perceptive, loyal brother that we’ve never seen on this season so far. obviously i don’t expect them to get this right in every season, there’s always gonna be some exposition dump here and there, but things like rewriting amira’s character instead of showing us how hard it is for her to control her temper is such a stupid thing to do when we’re on her pov, to name one of them.

like, not only there are things that are done worse here than how they were done in og, they’re failing by their own standards, representation aside too. the worst thing is that even when they’ve fucked up so many things, they’ve done it in a way that keeps people hooked in and coming back. i’m sure that nora’s season turned more people away than this one. idk if to blame audiences for falling for this festival of half-assery when to me it seems like eskam knew exactly what they were doing when they created the kasim/lucas drama, turned dani into everyone’s favorite love interest, so on and so forth. but i definitely think that at least on tumblr, the outrage would’ve been just as bad, if not worse.

#answered #hitting y'all with yet another long midnight ask #skam españa #meta

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camgirlsurvivalguide · 4 years

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Success, Self-Esteem and Stigma - the crucial component of privilege in the webcam world

There are a couple controversial debates that swirl around cam twitter every few months, sort of on some bizarre rotating schedule - a fire will light up about one of them, a shitstorm will rage for a couple weeks, then once the dust settles, another will pop up again as if the first never happened. I think that while some issues can be sorted and then laid to rest, there are a few key topics with respect to webcamming that are so complex that they’re almost impossible to adequately dissect - particularly over twitter, where the majority of the debating happens - so instead of solving anything through discussion, we tend to fight, then bully, then simply quiet down when it appears that a stalemate has been reached. These two debates have to do with luck, and the extent to which the sex worker label applies to cam models. While these two topics may seem quite different, I think they’re undeniably linked - and I think exploring the connection between the two can provide insight, and hopefully help us reach some comfortable conclusions.

Before I get into anything, I want to fully acknowledge that bullying is not an acceptable form of education. People are allowed to disagree with you, regardless of how important it is that they see from your point of view. Fighting for solidarity by means of bullying just sets the example that any dissonance from the status quo will be met with aggression - and that’s not how we grow as a community. When we take the time to listen to opposing opinions, however radical or counter-productive they may seem, we can do our best to understand them, and I personally feel that understanding the “other side” is the best way to fix issues under our own roof, so to speak. If the conversation about sex work terminology relating to web-camming that I saw go on over twitter happened in a classroom, half of the people fighting for solidarity probably would have been asked to leave. While I wholeheartedly support and encourage solidarity across all sex workers for a multitude of good reason, I think the tendency toward bullying over social media is abhorrent and should have no place in our community. When discussing sensitive topics, think before you type. If what you want to say is not contributing anything new to the discussion, or stands simply to attack someone for their perspective, keep your words to yourself.

The first thing I’m going to talk about is the concept of “luck” with respect to webcam success. How far can cam success be boiled down to lottery style chance? If we say that webcam success is mostly luck, we’re undermining the genuine struggle of the individuals that work to achieve and maintain their profits - but when we say it’s all hard work and effort, we’re erasing the very real challenges that many face while trying to make enough money off of camming to survive. Is it half luck, half effort? What counts? How much of my own success (or failure) can I attribute to my internal processes, or to external, freak chance? Defining terminology means giving ourselves the chance to more objectively measure what it is we’re attempting to measure - so how do we define luck?

Luck is the perception of a positive event happening by improbable chance. This definition presents a number of challenges with respect to measurement, namely it’s fundamental subjectivity. What feels lucky to me is based off of my perception of my own norms, and how my norms match up to what I perceive to be possible on the site over all. If I usually make a few thousand tokens a night, for example, I may consider a 1000 token tip ‘lucky’, and tips below that normal - but if I’m used to making tens of thousands of tokens a night, a 1000 token tip may be standard fair. While there may be some variability in what constitutes as “luck” depending on where you land on the success scale, there is definitely a certain degree of success - say, ranking in the top 20 - that the vast majority of us would consider quite fortunate.

Determining whether one’s top rank comes as the result of luck also heavily involves something known as the self-serving bias. Our self-esteem is a delicate sort of thing, and we’re naturally motivated to do what we can to protect it. Let’s say you receive a 10,000 token tip. It would be normal to attribute this success to your own hard work and dedication, because it would allow you to increase your self-esteem and further drive yourself toward success - perhaps you’d consider the hours you’ve spent online, or maybe even the years you’ve put toward camming or your physical appearance, or your ability to entertain. Attributing your own success to hard work makes your hard work feel “worth it”. Now let’s consider you witness someone else receiving a 10,000 token tip. It would also be normal to attribute their success to luck, rather than to their own hard work, because this protects your self esteem from asking “why not me?”, and blaming your perceived shortcomings in relation to their success. Shrugging off their achievements by thinking, “damn, they’re lucky” means you (hopefully) spare yourself the pain of having to compare yourselves.

I think it’s important to note that mental illness can influence the direction in which our self-serving bias points. A mentally healthy individual will be likely to attribute their successes to hard work, and their lack of success to bad luck. A depressed individual, however, is more likely to attribute their successes to luck and their lack of success to perceived personal shortcomings - a cycle that damages self-esteem.

So, as you can see, luck with respect to cam success is almost impossible to define. Outside of recognizing privilege, “luck” boils down to individual perceptions of success and how our self-serving biases stand to protect or damage our own self-esteem.

I think awareness of this protective process should begin to shed light on how truly important it is to each of us as individuals to protect ourselves. Self-esteem is not as simple as pride over a good hair day or thinking that we’re generally good people - it sits at the centre of our psyche and has immense power over how we act internally, as individuals, and how we engage socially with our community and the world around us. Experiencing threat to our self-esteem is terrifying; think of applying for an important job, or confessing our feelings to someone we want to date. This uncertainty in a situation of judgement is incredibly uncomfortable, and sometimes the fear of an undesirable outcome prevents us from even trying for what we want in the first place! We can all relate to this on some level. When our own efforts to protect our self esteem in the face of threat are inadequate, the second best strategy is finding others to assist us.

This is a fundamental aspect of group solidarity. To ease the struggle of constantly protecting our self-esteem, we band together with people we perceive to be similar to us that agree with our self-serving biases (that we’re good, that our efforts are valid, that we’re hard working vs. simply ‘lucky’). When a group is heavily stigmatized, I think the presence of group solidarity is even more crucial - if the majority of the world continually tells you that you’re bad for being you or doing what you do, the relief of finding a group that serves to protect that damaged self esteem can be immense.

But finding people to trust with protecting your self-esteem can also be risky. Depending on who you are as an individual and what your level of success is within the community itself, maybe finding similar others is difficult or dangerous - maybe there’s a risk of being used for your money or influence. Maybe you’ve been burned by friends before and are less willing to look to others for help as a result. Whatever the contributing factors are, there are undoubtedly people out there that have chosen to go it alone, with respect to protecting their self-esteem from stigma - which brings me to the third, perhaps more currently salient option by which to protect yourself with: denying that the stigma exists for you at all.

Sex work is stigmatized. Despite it’s pervasiveness across time and culture, it is commonly looked down upon socially, demonized and often made illegal, which presents very real, very dangerous threats not only to self-esteem, but to autonomy and safety. Still, there are many of us who choose to engage in sex work, for a number of very good reason - but the stigma against it can be so damaging to us that many of us do what we can to conceal what we do, or if we are out about our chosen form of occupation, we surround ourselves with as many like-minded individuals as possible, and grapple with the backlash as best we can.

By definition, sex worker is the label given to a person working in the sex industry. Wikipedia includes webcam performers right there in the description; a sex worker is any individual who engages in sex acts, whether directly or indirectly, for profit - acts which include full service sex workers who work physically, in person, with clients, and acts which include a degree of separation - modelling, acting, erotic photography, phone sex operating, and yes - webcamming.

So why the confusion? The debate on twitter as to whether cam models “count” is exactly the same as arguing whether a sculptor should be considered an “artist”, rather than just specifically a sculptor - except that since making art isn’t stigmatized to the degree that sex work is, there’s no real reason why someone would absolutely refuse to be considered the umbrella term “artist” rather than their specific chosen field under that realm.

From my perspective, there is no confusion. Refusing to accept one’s belonging to a stigmatized category is not for lack of understanding - it’s exactly in response to a deep understanding, and subsequent fear of harm to self-esteem. Some individuals look at the dangers associated with the most highly stigmatized forms of sex work - namely full service sex work - and simply cannot stand the thought of being demonized to that extent. They will likely highlight the differences between their jobs, and use those differences to stand as justification for their lack of inclusion under the umbrella. Whether or not this rejection is taken seriously by members outside the stigmatized community (which is the important part here - they’re not trying to be cohesive with the in-group, they’re trying to fit in with the out-group) - boils down to their own individual privileges.

This is the link between luck and rejection of the term “sex worker” - privilege. Social inequality exists in the cam world just as it does in the real world. Finding luck and getting away with calling yourself an “exotic dancer” or a “live stream entertainer” is harder for certain groups, namely racial minorities, those with disabilities, and the poor. Those in positions of privilege are at a better advantage for creating scenarios in which to access luck and opportunity, and are more likely to be exempt from sex worker stigma outside the sex worker community.

We’ve got to stop acting like this is a personal attack from either end of the argument. Social inequality is bigger than our individual actions and struggles. Recognizing privilege does not undermine any one individual’s story or struggle, just as having privilege doesn’t guarantee luck or success. Being privileged doesn’t mean we get handed everything in life just because we fit within certain social constructs - it means that we start from an end of the playing field that makes reaching certain heights closer or easier to us than to than those who start from a different position. I say ‘us’ in reference to my own set of privileges; I am a young, white, thin and middle class cis-woman. I did not choose any of these attributes, but cannot and will not deny that these attributes present me with advantages over individuals who fall outside of these privileged categories.

Imagine if two individuals have to run around a track, but one of us has two legs, and the other only has one. While both may make it around the track, it’s highly more likely that the one with two legs will finish faster than their one-legged opponent. It’s not the two legged individual’s fault that this was the case, but to make it around the track and claim that it was equally as tough for both of you just because it was the same course would be absurd. This is what it looks like when we fail to recognize privilege.

A young, white, conventionally attractive, wealthy and non-disabled cis-woman is also more likely to be able to “escape” some degree of social stigmatization when it comes to saying “cam model” versus “sex worker” - but not all. I recognize this when I refer to myself as a sex worker around my friends and family. Often, they will attempt to correct me - “cam model”, they say, “not sex worker” - but it’s in an attempt to protect me, even in closed quarters - not to educate me of something I already know. The reality is that this will not extend very far. When I was fired from my vanilla job after my boss found out about my webcam work, it absolutely would not have mattered to them, were I to attempt to argue that I was a “cam model”, not a “sex worker”. Regardless of privilege or labeling choice, there will come a point where stigma can stand to threaten more than self-esteem.

I argue that the only way we will end stigmatization of sex work and the label sex worker is by fighting against it - but I recognize that this is a fight that has been ongoing for centuries, and one that is unlikely to end any time soon. Combining this reality with the importance of protecting one’s self-esteem and protecting one’s actual social and physical self means I understand when I see an individual attempting to distance themselves from danger of harm. While I wish that every individual who engages in sex work would fight the fight, I know not everyone is an activist, and that working a job doesn’t mean you automatically have to care about any of this. I know that in many other areas where groups have faced brutality and stigmatization, the liberties awarded were fought by the under-privileged and heavily oppressed, often at costs far more than any of them could or should afford to pay. While the privileged find ways to protect themselves, those who cannot often fight their fight for them - a system that I find unfair and deeply sad, but a system I recognize as real, and likely ongoing.

Calling myself a sex worker is a small step in the right direction that I think many of us - especially those of us with privilege - should and can do to assist in the effort toward acceptance. Correcting my friends and family when they try to separate me from stigma means, hopefully, that my friends and family will correct others if they hear sex workers being discriminated against, and hopefully, the ripple effect will yield good things down the road.

A lot of the thoughts I’ve shared today are rooted in some amazing insights by Allan G. Johnson in his book ‘Privilege, Power and Difference’ - it’s available on Amazon and I encourage anyone interested in these topics (generally, not with respect to sex or cam work) pick it up. It’s an easy read about incredibly complex concepts, and it helped me gain really valuable insight about the world around me and my place within it.

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becky69lu · 4 years

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Ed Edd n Eddy Music Taste Headcanons

Last night me and my friend came up with ideas of what the kids from Ed Edd n Eddy would listen to for music. And I thought I’d share with you all :) (You’re free to disagree but this is what I think the characters would like)

Ed: This guy would definitely be into soundtracks. Video games, horror movies, etc. He’ll enjoy them all. I feel like he’d be the type to explain why he likes a song on a soundtrack, like the vibes it gives him and how good it was in whatever game/movie it was.

Double D: Growing up he’d be into classical music by default. It’s all his parents played so it’s what he’s conditioned to like. I feel like as a result he’d never really have a preference to listen to music because he mainly uses it as a form of relaxation for studying or concentrating. But when he entered high school it’s a whole other story. He ends up befriending (or dating, depending what you ship) Marie. She introduces him to her music (which we’ll get into in a bit!). You’d expect Double D to hate it. Hardcore rock and heavy metal seemed a bit extreme. At first he might think it’s just noise. To his surprise, he ends up enjoying it immensely and starts to understand why people listen to music for fun. On more than one occasion Ed and Eddy will catch up to Double D in the hallways or the walk home from school and catch him blasting some heavy band. It surprises people greatly what Double D likes, but in a good way.

Eddy: This dude is the embodiment of the meme where you listen to rap with the homies but something else when alone. This guy will listen to Lil Peep and Juice WRLD, and don’t get me wrong he genuinely likes it, but it reaches its max appeal at some point. By himself he’ll listen to old school music. He really likes Elvis, Frankie Valli and Frank Sinatra. It’s what he grew up listening to with his dad in the car and loves it to this day. He’s not ashamed of it but prefers to look cool for listening to rap around random people. Really only Ed and Double D have listened to his playlist with him. The only thing he kind of hides which is a guilty pleasure is NSYNC and The Backstreet Boys. I feel like in high school Eddy and Kevin would be close bros, the kind that constantly pick on each other for fun but they really do appreciate each other and will be there for each other. As a result of their constant roasting, both of them listen to rap together but end up going home and listening to completely different things.

May: Growing up, all three of the Kanker Sisters listened to Country. Their mother enjoyed it so she’d play it around the house a lot. May’s the only sister who’s favorite genre is Country though. She loves Carrie Underwood, Luke Bryan, etc. In high school, her music taste opened up slightly. She likes pop music and enjoys a bit of Marina and the Diamonds, and Melanie Martinez (which she heard from Marie’s room and thought it sounded good.) She’s still a country girl at heart but enjoys bubblegum pop too. She’s also the type to enjoy basically anything, but she refuses to listen to heavy rock. Her limit to rock music is screaming, and at that point she wants to shut it off.

Marie: A rocker at heart. Of course she always dressed the part, but didn’t actually listen to rock music until she was 13. She entered her emo phase and never left. She likes classic rock, modern rock, and anything alternative or indie. Her favorites are Asking Alexandria, My Chemical Romance, A Day to Remember, Falling In Reverse and In This Moment. In terms of other music, she really likes P!nk, Avril Lavigne, and Ke$ha. The only genre she hates is country. For her, growing up listening to it constantly made her hate it because it was overplayed. She refuses to listen to it and sometimes her and May butt heads when in the car trying to play music.

Lee: This girl takes pride in her music taste. She flaunts her love for old school rap. She loves 2Pac, Snoop Dogg, B.I.G., Tupac, and Eminem. She’ll play it around whoever is willing to listen and genuinely enjoys it. If her and Eddy became friends (or dated) she’d get him into Eminem especially. Regarding other music, she enjoys anything 2000′s like Nelly and TLC. She still likes Country music too, but doesn’t listen to it as often as other stuff.

Rolf: He listens to foreign music. I feel like this one’s obvious but it’s true. He listens to music that’s poppin in his homeland. When he’s around Kevin and Nazz he actually grimaces at their playlist. He probably won’t like any of it, even if he’s open-minded about it. On occasion he’ll end up liking a few songs or artists from them but not a lot. I feel like he’d like a little bit of Post Malone.

Jimmy: He’s a THEATER KID!! When he goes to high school he immediately joins the theater program. He’s definitely that one kid that’s liked by everyone. But for music, he’d definitely enjoy musicals. Hamilton, Dear Evan Hansen, Wicked. You name it, he probably enjoys it. He also likes disney music as well like the soundtracks from Mulan, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, etc. And he’ll definitely be in every spring musical and already know the songs.

Sarah: Since her and Jimmy are best friends, of course she also becomes a theater kid. She’s probably one of the most disliked people in the program but doesn’t care. She also enjoys musicals but not to the extent that Jimmy does. They still listen to them together all the time. She probably really likes pop music. Katy Perry is one of her favorites. She’s definitely a Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber fan. To be honest she probably went through a hardcore K-POP phase where she had a stan twitter and everything.

Jonny: He mainly just likes whatevers popular. He probably enjoys songs off of Tik Tok and is that annoying kid that plays meme music over and over. All Star by Smash Mouth is banned from the Cul de Sac because of him. He probably enjoys some soundtracks from video games as well. The type to just blast Revenge by Captain Sparkles for hours.

Kevin: We’ve already established that him and Eddy basically listen to the same thing. Lil Uzi Vert, Xxxtentacion, etc. That kind of thing. He tries especially hard to be cool. He’s definitely that kid with the speakers in his backpack blasting music down the hallway. But like Eddy, he listens to something else when he’s alone. He probably likes 70s and 80s hip hop and a little bit of classic rock because of his dad. Listens to Motley Crue, Def Leppard and Blackstreet. He’s not ashamed of his music taste, but definitely only plays modern rap in the car with the homies.

Nazz: She’s a carefree spirit. She likes old school rap too but appreciates a lot of older stuff. She likes Fleetwood Mac and Queen because of her mom. But she also really likes pop and Jazz. She likes Kelly Clarkson, Alicia Keys, Bruno Mars, Coldplay, and Rihanna. Probably a big Beyonce stan too. Because shes a free spirit, she’ll listen to anything someone plays. She’ll enjoy heavy metal if someone puts it on or even Country. She doesn’t care. If she likes something she’ll definitely go home and look up more stuff. She probably has the most diverse music taste of them all.

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