#i could be in denial

[shmaroace]

don't get me wrong, i love all the positivity around being aro, like "be proud of being aro!! love who you are!!", but we never talk about how hard it is to reach that spot. so here's to the aros who are still trying to understand themselves, who aren't proud of who they are yet, who are still coming to terms with their new identity.

#i was in serious denial about being aro for a long time like i knew the label and knew it fit but i refused to use it for several months #even after that point it took a while for me to be comfortable with the label or saying it #and this is not a bad thing!! being aro basically requires you to undo all the societal brainwashing you grew up with #and there is so much arophobia that it's hard to find positivity #i got lucky w/ this blog and the people i follow but i know i had a hard time being as proud of myself and my queerness as i am now #this doesn't even really have to be an aro statement like i think it could fit most queer experiences #sorry for the long tags haha #aro #aromantic #arospec #aromanticism #aro pride #aro positivity #aroace #aspec #1k #5k #6k #7k

[elf-punk]

"supernatural is so embarrassing," i say, opening my 27th tab of destiel hurt/comfort enemies to lovers coffee shop au. "15 year-long hate crime." binge-watches season 13. "shittest tv show ever aired." gets a hunter tattoo.

#supernatural #destiel #spn #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #misha collins #in denial #i'd get therapy but i could also just watch “don't call me shurley” yet again

[u3pxx]

KIM KITSURAGI - “Is that. My kineema.”

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - Something in him is about to break, *big time*.

EMPATHY - And it’s not going to be pretty, do something!

- DRAMA [Formidable] - Everything is fine!

- “Sure is.”

DRAMA [Formidable: Failure] - Surely he’s aware that he’s not the *only* person in the world who owns a Kineema?

YOU - “Is it really *yours*? I mean, plenty of people have their own Kineemas, right? Like working men, government offices, uh, firefighters I guess, maybe even animal control people? Exactly! A million different people who could’ve driven it into the uh…”

DRAMA - Pause, my liege! Ixnay on the Ineemakay!

YOU - “It could even be our *mysterious* joyrider!”

KIM KITSURAGI - Your frenzied babbling falls deaf to the lieutenant's ears. Instead, he approaches the broken vehicle, sunken in the ice. He moves with a caution and gentleness you haven’t seen him display before.

INLAND EMPIRE - It must be cold and lonely down there, in the icy water. Maybe he could sense its sorrow, calling to him…

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Easy: Success] - His hands, which are always stiffly placed behind his back, are trembling.

ENDURANCE - This is the shuffle of a tired, tired man.

HALF LIGHT - He’s going to do something drastic because of you. Oh god, terrible! You’re a terrible liar! You can’t look at this, you just can’t!

VOLITION [Formidable: Success] - It's not *you* who drove his kineema into the sea. You have plenty of faults, but this one is decidedly not yours.

KIM KITSURAGI - He kneels down with his head bowed, casting his face in shadow. He plants a hand on the ice to stabilize himself, squinting to get a better view of the motor carriage. “Detective, it says ‘57’ on it.”

YOU - Sweat drips down your brow, and you feel a terrible headache coming. “Maybe our joyrider has an affinity for that number?”

LOGIC - He's not stupid, he knows that it's not that.

KIM KITSURAGI - “57.”

YOU - “What about 57?”, you brace yourself.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Precinct 57.”

YOU - You wince. “Kim, look-”

KIM KITSURAGI - “When I woke up in the Whirling-in-Rags with no memory of what happened during the days before, I've taken note that something of mine has gone missing.” He grits his teeth. "A very. Important. Something."

He runs his hands over his face, messing his already unkempt hair in the process. Regret creeps up on his features. “God. Fuck. They’re going to fire me over this, they’re not going to hear me out.”

EMPATHY - Desperation settles in the lieutenant's tone. Sadly, you find yourself in agreement, even if you don’t want it to be the truth.

YOU - “People are more valuable than machines, Kim.”

KIM KITSURAGI - “Not people like me.” He rasps.

YOU - “…”

KIM KITSURAGI - Before you can say anything more, you fail to notice the lieutenant carefully walking onto the edge of the ice. He looks over the frigid water, a dizzying blue that mirrors and distorts his exhausted face back to him.

YOU - “Kim?”

KIM KITSURAGI - Seconds pass as he looks to be contemplating something. Out of nowhere, he casually takes another step where the ice ends and the sea begins. It happens all too quick for the lieutenant to even voice a call for help— if he even wanted to — his body plunging into the cold water before your eyes.

YOU - “KIM!!!!”

uhhh bonus stuff? sorry i have swap au brainworms pfttt

(im not sure what skills kim has at the moment so rn he only has narration as his inner monologue ok whoops, i would like to keep harry as the guy who thinks in dialogue trees so im still figuring it out pfttt)

also, this was done bc i wanted to expand on these old scribbles of mine, just like an idea, i just think that he'd be having an even worse time wheezes

#disco elysium #kim kitsuragi #harry du bois #den's disco swap #disco elysium role swap #HI nobody look at the fact that. i am a novice writer at best DFGHJFGH #i had idea for some comic dialogue but it ended up being this instead whoops. i mean i could still draw this as a comic #anyways. i was like. trying to reverse engineer my idea of how kim can change into his bomber jacket instead of his uniform. #which. i dont think you can do with just simple convincing bc that thing is fused to him in spirit so there has to be like a good reason wh #oh it gets ruined! how? it gets like wet or smth! how'd that happened? he threw himself into the sea #also isnt it fitting that my memory problems is making me not remember the things that happen in disco elysium very well wheezes #so whoops if the characterization is a lil off lmaoooooo #but i have been trying to figure out how i want harry to be in this swap au #i dont think he's as well as he wants you to believe he is. and just the image of him pushing this 'youre allowed to be in denial about + #this' to kim about the kineema was so vivid in my head and idk if that tracks but hell. its in there now dfghdjfg #starry don't look #sunnysidedraws #sunnysidedisco

[ofswordsandpens]

actually I also wanna talk about the part where Percy convinces Bob to kill Hyperion because even though Percy never says anything outright sinister, the way he handles the entire situation with such cool ease, playing on Bob’s emotions... its so insane???

Because Annabeth’s reaction to the three of them encountering Hyperion reforming is: “oh this is bad we need to get out of here” She knows if Bob remembers himself, that it's not going to play out well for Percy and her. She also thinks about how they're being pursued and don't have a lot of time. Her solution to the problem, seemingly, is to leave.

But Percy's solution is to work the situation to his advantage. He re-affirms Bob's loyalty to him:

Percy then re-establishes Bob's moral code: "Some monsters are good. Some are bad. This Titan is bad. He tried to kill me and a lot of people. He's not good like you are."

And it ends with Percy leaving the choice of whatever to do with Hyperion to Bob but of course, is it really what Bob chose to do? Bob decides to kill Hyperion. It's not what he may have done, if Percy hadn't intervened. But it's exactly what Percy was oh-so-sweetly leading Bob to do.

And listen, I'm not claiming that it was exactly morally bankrupt of Percy to take advantage of a once-evil titan who could get him and his girlfriend through hell in one piece. Percy, Annabeth, they manipulate monsters and enemies all the time. Annabeth ended the previous book with manipulating Arachne into weaving her own web. So it's not exactly like she's against using manipulative tactics, in theory.

But Bob, at this point, is not just some monster. He is so painfully sincere in his belief in Percy and their friendship, so yes, it does feel a bit sinister whenever Percy uses Bob... and he really uses Bob.

And I think what makes the scene so unsettling, it isn't just that Percy manipulated Bob, its how well Percy manipulated him. He manipulates Bob so well that Percy doesn't even have to kill Hyperion... because Bob does it for him. He manipulates Bob so well, that Annabeth couldn't tell if Percy was purposefully trying to manipulate the situation. (Newsflash, he most definitely was). Like holy shit.

#percy: friends kill for friends <3 #ITS CHILLING #Riordan allowed Percy to be unhinged for ONE book in hoo and then got to boo and went #/um actually writing the realistic outcome of Percy's turmoil in Tartarus sounds like a lot of work so how bout I dont :)/ #okay wait while I love this scene in hoh the one part I dont like was Annabeth being like: I had no clue Percy could be so cunning #and like girl YES YOU DO #you were there in BOOK 1 when Percy convinced Crusty to lay down in his OWN bed and then decapitated him #I choose to believe she was simply afraid unsettled and in denial lmaoooo #pjo #percy jackson #annabeth chase #mine

[frenchublog]

ily

#spuffy #spike x buffy #buffy the vampire slayer #btvs #my art #lmao guess who's brainrot again #sarah michelle gellar #james marsters #redraw screenshot #in pain since like forever #spuffy walked so that reylo could run #because it seems like all my ships are doomed and you'd think id be full of hate but no #im powerful because i decided to not care #denial is key #please dont repost #this came to me in a dream #they're effulgent #btw theres bonus art/doodles on instagram #things i couldn't put on the pages

[sophiamarieispinkbunny-chan]

Loid "Cannot be separated to his wife without missing her for even just a couple of minutes/hours" Forger

This man didn't even touched his cake since he's waiting for his wife to come back so they can eat the cake together while Anya is already devouring her piece 😂😂 It's sweet for him to have this habit that he eats when Yor eats as well. What a husband attitude. And did you see how he defended Yor's innocence in this chapter?

He always gets so defensive when it comes to Yor, since Camilla's party, he defended her in front of her coworkers, in the Eden interview when Swan badmouthed her ability as a mother, he defended her and he was genuinely upset with the way Swan embarrassed his wife, when Nightfall said that Yor's being uncooperative and she should be replaced as his wife, his tone and glare changes into a defensive demeanor. Loid always comes to her defense without missing a beat, and he wasn't calculating those reactions, he did these without the mission on his mind.

This man is already slowly falling in love with her from the very beginning and I think by the time Yor's secret would be revealed to him, not even her real identity as a killer would stop him from being with her for he's already and irrevocably down bad for her

#spy x family #spy x family manga #loid forger #twilight #sxf manga #yor forger #twiyor #sxf spoilers #sxf manga spoilers #sxf analysis #loidyor #sxf chapter 94 #spy x family manga spoilers #This chapter was such a twiyor tease haha #Ohh there's one room but oh there are two beds hnggg #Twilight loves his wife so much your honor #Not even his for the mission line could defend him at this point #I feel like Endo is really cooking something between these two #His denial is just sinking him deeper into his feelings

[chronicowboy]

become obsessed with the idea of buck spending the entire episode being so jealous about eddie suddenly getting close to tommy only to end up going the bucktommy route where buck then wilfully misinterprets his own jealousy as about tommy because it's much easier therefore delaying his feelings realisation for the spectacularly worst moment sometime in the future

#sami rambles #i can see it #if anybody could beat eddie diaz at a game of denial its evan buckley #911 spoilers #911 spec #buck x eddie #buddie #buck x tommy

[butchdykeorpheus]

shauna sadecki née shipman is The Woman Ever mrs unhinged housewife why-should-MY-actions-have-consequences??? MILF extraordinare kills rabbits without flinching and serves them to her husband and daughter stabs her lover in a PTSD-induced panic who made her feel sort-of Alive™️ for the first time in years then dismembers his corpse and only gets upset that it might send her to jail fucked her best friend's boyfriend because it was the closest thing she could get to fucking her best friend and only really regretted getting caught left her best friend to perish in the elements and misses her every day accused jackie of peaking in high school then did Exactly That. i'm obsessed with her. she should have been born in a wilderness somewhere hunting animals for food and killing trespassers instead she's gnawing at the bars on her kitchen windows

#gray.txt #hold on im shifting into yellowjackets mode #yellowjackets #shauna shipman #i could go on and on about shauna and guilt and how strongly in denial she tries to be despite knowing on some lvl how much she fucked up #but that's a whole meta post not a rambling hyperfix text post

[twstjam]

Fuck the timeline, everyone please consider an au where the Knight of Dawn narrowly escapes from a fight that almost kills him and as he's limping through a forest to find somewhere to hide and recover, the woodland creatures find him and lead him somewhere. He follows, assuming they're leading him somewhere safe, but before he can reach it he collapses from his injuries. As his consciousness begins to fade, he sees Princess Meleanor looking down at him and he isn't surprised that she'd been waiting for his end, waiting for him to join her in the Underworld where he'd sent her.

Later in the evening, Lilia Vanrouge is startled by the door to his quiet little cottage bursting open. His prince and pupils have returned... and they have dragged the injured Knight of Dawn back with them. Silver runs up to Lilia and begs "Papa" to help the poor injured man they'd found in the woods, completely oblivious to how Lilia's blood chills and his mouth goes dry because his son this human child had so cluelessly brought an old enemy into their home who also happens to be his father.

#idk i just wanted a custody battle okay #and lilia being like “it's okay you can go home with your real father I'm not upset (lie)” and kid silver going “No!! YOU'RE my papa!!” #he clings to him and Lilia looks to the Knight for help but even he's like “don't make him leave his papa :(” which doesn't help Lilia #who has been trying so hard for so many years to deny the role of “father” because it's not true (and he doesn't think he's worthy of it #+ he's in denial that this sweet innocent little boy could ever love him so much) #twisted wonderland #lilia vanrouge #silver vanrouge #twst silver #sebek zigvolt #malleus draconia #diasomnia #diasomnia spoilers #twst spoilers #twst book 7 spoilers #twst knight of dawn #matcha nonsense #matcha writes a bit

[zombie-bait]

Highly recommend the 1872 novella Carmilla to all the wlw iwtv fans out there, it's about a gothic lesbian vampire-human romance and it lowkey changed my life. Like I cannot explain to you how shockingly gay and poetic this story that came out two decades before Dracula is. I'm a little devastated it took me this long to read it tbh

(And if you're looking for a good retelling that embraces the gay further I recommend Carmilla and Laura by S.D. Simper. It's not as poetic but it focuses on internalized homophobia, religion and has a happier ending)

#carmilla #interview with the vampire #vampires #wlw #sapphic literature #theyre so gay #to like an INSANE degree for 1872 #this book also came out before Dracula #its that og vampire shit #I could listen to Carmilla wax poetic about Laura all day #literature #iwtv #vampire chronicles #Where the hell is MY morally grey vampire gf #who stands over my bed covered in blood #I am in denial about the ending #carmilla karnstein #vampcore #lgbtq #queer books

[chessb0r3d]

i cracked the code.

#believing dirk is the worst guy because its what dirk thinks of himself #ignoring daves bisexuality and think hes a gay man in denial even when he explained hes bisexual #believing john 'im not a homosexual' egbert is explicitly straight while he makes out with his mcconahey and cameron posters more #than he kissed women(literally only once) #believing that rose is an edgy psyhcotic little bitch when she was neglected. she speaks elegantly to cover that shes silly and a total ner #and how did people forget that rose also writes gay wizard fanfiction. reads Wikipedia. and her beautiful artstyle as a result of neglect #(and by neglect meaning having SO MUCH TIME to draw) #jake wasnt into dirk. he also told di that he didnt like how brobot getting touchy with him during strifes #but as part of the repression 4(prospit kids). he refused on changing the bot settings #what jane said about roxy being better when she was drunk. it was fucking sarcasm. its the least insane shit you could say to a best friend #all the kids have issues and of course people get mad over a girl being sarcastic. #when KARKAT said THE SAME THING to rose when she was drunk on the meteor nobody bats an eye #trolls are just grey humans that are bugs. he doesnt get an excuse for being an alien. humans were made from KARKATS BLOOD #jade isnt all silly girl and is so FULL OF HATE towards the trolls. she called karkat a fuckass (VERY FUNNY) to do her a favor #“jade would rather have punched karkat in the fact then had a pleasent conversation with him.” #“she viewed the trolls as rude mean and cruel. and even thought that nepeta was just making fun of her. #despite it being that nepeta just wanted to roleplay and have fun." #dred.loki #I HAVE YET TO ADD MORE. THESE ARE JUST NOTES #homestuck #chss

[oddishblossom]

He promised it to me when I was 7 years old.

SUCCESSION 4.10 WITH OPEN EYES

#successionedit #successiondaily #succession #tvedit #userlauren #kendall roy #succession spoilers #jeremy strong #my gifs! #kendall girlies how are we coping? #no seriously how? i’m still in denial 🥲 #during that last scene i was waiting for him to speak to say anything but when the music went quiet all i could hear was water 😭

[sofipitch]

Nona the Ninth explores the question of "what would you be like if X hadn't happened" because that's what it's doing, when Palamedes and Camilla are wondering if Nona is Harrow or Gideon they are thinking this this Harrow or Gideon if they hadn't been born on the Ninth. And a bit of Kiriona's meanness makes me wonder if this crueler version is in some part because she is God's daughter (like I think a lot of her anger at the events of the past few months informs a lot of her attitude however how much is also an interesting question). But at the end of the day no matter how clearly you can picture that parallel future, Alecto only as Nona, all the characters honestly, you can't go back, there is no rewind button, the only way to always be Nona is to die. Which is what Gideon did, she died as Gideon, loved by at least her mother and Harrow (as her cavalier), she died as Harrow's hero cavalier whom Harrow would always be thankful for for the rest of her days, and then was torn back into a reality that denies her all of that

#i could go on and on #because isn't cam and pal's choice to fuse the same denial of going forward as just camilla alone #they reject the reality of a camilla without a palamedes #nona the ninth #nona the ninth spoilers #ntn #the locked tomb #tlt

[soppynstuffed]

In my search to become the best denial slut, I found this machine called the edge-o-matic and I can’t stop thinking about it. you attach an inflatable buttplug to it, and it comes with a vibrator. the software detects the amount of muscle contractions from your ass and shuts the vibrator off as you get closer to finishing. i just- i want to be tied up to that machine for hours, the entire time daddy is at work. I want him to come back home to see me crying and begging for him to fuck me and let me cum. I cant stop thinking about it.

#y’all it’s $500 #and it’s 3d printed which lowkey makes me feel like I could make it myself #I cant decide if $500 is expensive or a steal lmao #female denial #0rgasm denial #0rgasm control #edg1ng #edge and denial #personal fantasy #k!nk community #bd/sm blog #bd/sm daddy #@nal #bd/sm dom #buttp!ug #inflatable

[canisalbus]

Is that canon!?! Was Machete just really naive/didn't really understand the implications of his relationship to Vasco? Did his mentor ever find out about them or discuss such things with him? I assume bc he didn't have parents, he kinda didn't get educated on sex or anything. Was it a big shock to realize he was "sinning"?

.

#eh I was just exaggerating it for comedy because the page was so unintentionally funny and fitting #he might've been a little bit naive but was painfully aware he was in a relationship with a man and that it was forbidden #his mentor was all about asceticism and mortification and extreme self-denial #and had drilled it into his head that practically all romantic feelings let alone sex were foolish and sinful and should be shunned #so his feelings about the whole thing were complicated but in the end Vasco was more important #not to sound corny #but there was a hole in his heart that he had desperately tried to fill with god that never seemed to care about him #and once he got some of that love he had been aching for #from another living person #he had to do what it takes to make room for that in his belief system #how could such a tender fulfilling and healing thing be wrong #answered #anonymous #his mentor did eventually find out about them and wasn't very happy about it #to put it mildly #but by that point Machete had managed to mostly inch his way out from under his heel #he was graduating and getting ordained and wouldn't be going back to Naples #if it were up to him he'd never want to see him again

[57sfinest]

no honestly did jean genuinely not realize that the car in the ocean was a suicide attempt?? did he really think harry was THAT drunk or was he willingly misinterpreting it so he could shift any sympathy away from harry? because i can absolutely see jean seeing it as a suicide attempt but deliberately choosing to frame it as an irresponsible accident resulting from harry's alcoholism, because that way no one will be like "oh shit harry tried to kill himself?" and they'd instead join jean in condemning harry for his addiction

#tbh i feel like jean deliberately framing it as a Harry Drunk Moment incident is more consistent with jean's behavior and stuff #suicide attempts might even now get harry some sympathy but drunk driving won't #and jean's goal in the ending is to make sure harry gets as little sympathy and forgiveness as possible so he can ditch him #i imagine jean has seen a lot of harry's suicide attempts or at least ideation in the past #so it seems unlikely to me that he wouldn't see that wreck for what it is #and if he didn't i feel like that would be out of denial so he could feel more justified in treating harry like shit for it #sorry i love thinking about how to make jean even worse.❤️ #kiwipost #jv meta #AND I'M A JEANLIKER so no one send me shit. ive had enough woobifiers in my inbox already