#i cannot BELIEVE i actually felt the need to make a progress video on these little bags but HERE YOU GOOOO | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lynkhart · 3 years

Text

MAJOR spoilers for the C2 finale of Critical Role so read at your own risk of you haven’t caught up!

I have so many feelings regarding Caleb and Essek’s intertwining character arcs I needed to explore, so strap in folks, you’re in for a bit of a ride! (But seriously though, this is like 4000 words long, I basically wrote an essay 😂)

At the start of the campaign, Caleb Widogast was dripping in guilt and self loathing and refused to believe he could ever absolve himself of his sins. Essek Thelyss was a cold, aloof individual who betrayed his people for selfish goals, and their differing yet mirrored narratives have been an absolute delight to watch unfold.

In the beginning Caleb truly hated himself. He shot down any attempt at a compliment, described himself as a ‘disgusting person’, outright rejected the idea that he was worthy of love, and never let the blame shift from him for what he’d done. When Beauregard and Veth/Nott pointed out that he was coerced and manipulated into killing his parents, he reacts in an incredibly visceral way, and I’ve seen several comments likening it to a victim of child abuse who was groomed into believing they were as responsible as their abuser, and I think that’s exactly how it was meant to be read. He doesn’t see himself as a victim, only a murderer, and punishes himself for it every day. We see this in the way he presents himself, dirty and unkempt because in his mind he doesn’t deserve to feel good about himself in any way. Other than Nott/Veth and Beau to a certain degree, he purposefully isolates himself from the rest of the group and it’s a long time until he feels relaxed enough in their company to drop his defences a little.

(Speaking from a purely meta point of view, Liam did an absolutely phenomenal job of showing this through body language and I’d love to see someone do a compilation video of it. He starts off very hunched and guarded, leaning his body away from the closest person to him and avoiding eye contact and physical touch; but by the end stands tall and sure of himself.)

Early on there were a few moments where he had the option to do some pretty dark shit, and I’m sure there’s a possible timeline where he gave into his desire for revenge and really lost his way, but I’m glad he stuck it out and worked through his trauma in the way he did. His PTSD and disassociation when casting with fire was tragic, but over time he was able to work through it thanks to the constant love and support of his friends who kept him from going off at the deep end.

Molly’s death was the catalyst for change in a lot of the party, and Caleb is no exception. On the verge of leaving the group prior to his death, the grief they shared, combined with their frantic attempt to rescue the other half of their party put things in perspective and gradually he learned how to be a person again, to care.

Altering time to save his family had been Caleb’s only goal in life, and so when Essek and by extension, dunamancy was introduced, you could see his eyes light up at the possibilities.

A huge turning point for him is aligned so closely with Essek’s redemption arc which feels quite apt I think. When Essek confesses to his crimes, Caleb delivers a beautifully iconic piece of dialogue where he acknowledges their similarities and how much he himself has changed as a person since meeting the Mighty Nein. (Source - CR wiki)

‘You listen to me. I know what you are talking about. I know. And the difference between you and I is thinner than a razor. I know what it means to have other people complicate your desires and wishes. And I was like you. Was. I know what a fool I have been for years. You didn't account for us. Good. That is life. Shit hits you sideways in life and no one is prepared. No one is ready. These people changed me. These people can change you. You were not born with venom in your veins. You learned it. You learned it. You have a rare opportunity here, Thelyss. One chance to save yourself, and we are offering it.’

This is not the same Caleb we met back in the Nestled Nook inn way back in the first episode. While not yet fulfilled or entirely convinced of his own worth, he knows he’s on the right path. That alone is progress enough, but that he uses his own experiences to help another escape those same chains of guilt says such a lot for his development. When he tells Essek that his ‘venom’ was learned, he’s also talking about himself and his own history of being manipulated and gaslit, with the implication being that it can be un-learned just as efficiently.

Caleb Widogast is selfish no more, or at the very least, doesn’t let his goals undermine anyone else’s anymore. Contrary to what he himself might still think, he is in no way a bad person. He loves fiercely and cannot abide seeing those he cares about in pain.

Early game Essek is what Caleb could have been if he’d rejected his friends and focused solely on his own selfish goal to undo his mistakes. Both are impassive at first and see the Mighty Nein as means to an end...until they get to know them and then their fate is sealed. The Power of Friendship wins once again!

At the beginning Caleb said he wanted to ‘bend reality to my will’ (sic) and in the end he does just that, though not in the way he originally intended. Destroying the T-Dock, and by extension the one thing he’d been building towards from the start, the chance to go back and change time, for me personally was the absolute peak of his journey. I rewatched the scene where Caleb revealed the truth about his parents death today, and it was really jarring to see just how far he’d come since then. It made me oddly proud actually.

I always felt like his plan to save his parents was the one thing holding him back from truly accepting their deaths, which is why the final scene of him in the cemetery with the letters for them hit so hard. He never truly gave up hope that they’d be reunited, but ultimately he realised he was merely postponing the inevitable and never allowing himself to live his own life. While time travel shenanigans would have been incredibly interesting to explore in game, choosing to let the past lie and not go back for them finally allows him to grieve and move on, and perhaps most importantly of all, to forgive himself at last.

I know some people were annoyed by Caleb’s decision in the finale to spend the rest of his life teaching rather than continuing to adventure, but I see it as the natural conclusion to his whole arc and his own personal victory.

He looked Trent Ikithon in the eyes, a man who he’d spent years wanting to kill and run from in equal measure, stripped him of his power and his voice (and ultimately his ability to harm anyone else) and finally spared his life so he had to live with the indignity of his defeat for the rest of his miserable existence. You couldn’t have asked for a more damning rejection of everything he’d been brainwashed into believing as a child. His dismissal of Trent’s position in the Assembly played into that as well. He never really wanted power for the sake of it; he had no desire for politics, he just wanted his family back, and while he didn’t get the one he started with, he made a new one for himself in the end.

As Caduceus once very wisely said:

‘Pain doesn’t make people; it's love that makes people. The pain is inconsequential; it's love that saves them.’

Caleb gets to break the cycle of abuse and teach a new generation of mages the way he should have been, with kindness and respect, and I’m pretty sure he’d have introduced a handsome drow as a guest lecturer from time to time. 😉

Speaking of...

Essek described himself as selfish and as a coward, forever putting his own wants and desires first, yet over the course of his journey with the Nein we see his priorities change drastically.

Having friends gives him people to care about, something he’s never had before, and it changes his outlook on life completely. For me, the first time we really see this is when he joins them for dinner in the Xorhaus and stops levitating. It’s a subtle thing, but meaningful. He explains that it had become an expectation of him, a quirk he’s known for, and so to feel comfortable enough around the Nein to drop that pretence is quite bold I think.

Much later, when he chooses to destroy the mini beacon they discover in Aeor in order to give everyone a long rest before the final confrontation with Lucian, he’s essentially giving up everything he betrayed his people for, just to keep his friends safe. The existence and context of that single artefact could have had an earthshattering impact on the Dynasty’s entire culture, forcing them to reevaluate their entire belief system and attitude to the Luxon, something he’d wanted from the start, something he helped start a war for, but he offered it up as a sacrifice without a second thought.

I’d say that’s a pretty big morality shift, and I’m super interested to see if Matt reveals if his alignment changed in the post campaign Q&A. I have a feeling he set him up as a potential BBEG but the party was like ‘no, you can’t have him, he’s ours now’ and that was the end of that. 😂

I think it says so much about the other characters too, that they befriended this person they barely knew, and when he was revealed to have done such terrible things, their first reaction was to give him comfort and an opportunity to atone. Jester held his hand while he confessed, and afterwards, while they didn’t immediately forgive him, they saw the good in him and wanted him to be better, which ultimately feels like what the entire campaign was about, leaving places (and people) better than they found them. It’s obvious that he’s never really had many friends before and has therefore never had the opportunity to be emotionally open with anyone, so seeing him gradually warm up to the Nein and allow himself to soften around them was really lovely to watch.

(Obviously, from a realistic moral perspective, he still fucked up big time. He’s still a godsdamned war criminal and really should have been put on trial for what he did, but I think from a narrative and personal point of view, his redemption arc was far more satisfying, so I’m glad it happened the way it did. (And not to derail but the rest of the gang have done some pretty horrific stuff as well, though perhaps not quite on the same scale)

He has a few moments towards the end that I absolutely love because they show that beneath the guilt and anguish, there’s an incredibly sweet and sensitive soul in there, just wanting acceptance. His dry jokes which often don’t quite hit, (the ‘I will punish the bakery’ line is such an under-appreciated one 😂) his simple joy at learning to garden in the Blooming Grove, and realising that he’d never been asked what his favourite food was before was actually kind of heartbreaking, because it highlighted how lonely his life must have been until that time. There was a moment pretty early on I think when he cast disguise on the party and Jester asked if he could cast it again to change the look of her outfit a bit and while he seemed to find it amusing, he refused, not wanting to waste a spell on such a frivolous request. Cut to their time in Aeor where he burns a fly spell just so he and Caleb can flirtatiously swoop around each other for a couple of minutes, all the while trying to beat Lucian to the city.

His breakdown when Molly’s resurrection failed really cemented to me how much he’d grown as a character. He never met Molly, his only knowledge of him was secondhand, through the eyes of his friends, but seeing it fail just broke him because he knew how much it hurt them to go through it all over again.

His comment to Caleb about not admitting defeat and wishing he could do more did get me wondering at the time if he was going to try and do something crazy, perhaps sacrificing himself via the Temporal Dock to make amends or somehow forcing another reroll, but I’m glad he didn’t. The conversation following that with Fjord was one of my favourites- he shows him acceptance and belief in his potential for the future, something he’s lacked for a long time, and when Caleb bluntly affirms afterwards that he is indeed an official member of the Mighty Nein, it’s the start of the rest of his life, and something he’s exceptionally grateful for.

It all leads to that final moment in Aeor with Caleb, when, presented with the opportunity to alter time and undo everything, he chooses to accept his decisions and carry the weight of his sins for the rest of his long life. That’s...huge.

He’s essentially choosing to live the rest of his existence as a fugitive, forever on the run, with no guaranteed peace or safety. He chooses to spend his life making up for his deeds, rather than looking for an easy way out.

I think that may have had a big impact on why Caleb ultimately made the same decision, as if Essek had been up for altering his timeline I think he’d have struggled to resist it himself. The conversation they had earlier in Aeor about their priorities and resisting temptation really comes to mind as well.

Now, to the relationship.

It was subtle, and not as ‘in your face’ obvious as the other characters, but I’ve been watching and hoping for a long time and I must say, it feels good to be vindicated.

(And if you have any doubt, both Matt and Liam confirmed on Twitter that their post finale relationship was 100% romantic)

I’d been hoping that Shadowgast would be a canon endgame relationship for a while, so the finale, and the aforementioned T-Dock scene in particular had me quite literally shaking with emotion as I watched live. Here you have two men, both damaged and guilt-stricken in their own ways, who find in each other a kindred spirit and a path to redemption.

They’re both very guarded and closed off people, but Essek in particular has a definite shift in the last arc of the campaign especially when it came to his interactions with Caleb. At the start he was quite aloof and stoic, though charming, and they had an instant connection through their shared love of the arcane, (anyone who couldn’t see them making heart eyes at each other when Essek was describing the different types of magic he could teach Caleb was clearly blind) but by the end he was incredibly open to showing his vulnerabilities and that takes a lot, especially for someone whose primary focus was to stay in control of every aspect of his life. The ‘Caleb, I’m scared’ moment during the Trent fight in particular made my heart ache.

No, we didn’t get a dramatic declaration of love or a cinematic mid-battle kiss, but I’d argue that their relationship was just as, if not more intimate than any of the other main characters were. They understood each other in a way the others didn’t, their shared guilt, feelings of inadequacy and their obsession with magic forged a deep connection from the get-go. Neither of them are big fans of PDA I think, though Caleb is tactile as hell (forehead touches and kisses, oh man, I’m so weak for those 😩👌) and some of their most iconic moments have them putting themselves in harm’s way to protect the other. Essek shaking off his forced guilt trip immediately after the now infamous forehead touch in ep140 was beautifully poetic, as was using his fortune’s favour to pull Caleb out of the rubble moments before. Caleb trying to include him in his Sphere of Invulnerability in the finale and Essek staying close to him the whole fight despite being obviously terrified of Trent was the icing on the cake. It’s clear that they care for each other a great deal; whether by the finale they’d consider it love is up for debate, but we know that’s eventually where it ended up and honestly, I love that. I deeply appreciated the fact Matt and Liam both emphasised that they took their time with their relationship, letting each other heal in their own way before they took the next step. All too often in media, and real life too sadly, a romantic relationship is seen as some kind of quick fix, and that a lover will somehow complete you or make all your problems vanish. They knew this wasn’t the case here, and that made it all the better.

While I would have *loved* to have seen them together as a couple right to the very end, the change in their relationship felt right, if bittersweet. I doubt they ever stopped loving each other, and if anything, choosing to shift to a deep and lifelong friendship over a romance that would cause them both so much pain is one of the kindest things you could do for someone you love. After all, friendship isn’t a downgrade, just another way of experiencing that same love, and it wasn’t as though they broke up and never saw each other again, it was pretty strongly implied that they remained a major feature in each other’s lives, they just changed their label slightly. Caleb would hate to have forced Essek to watch him wither away, and although his eventual passing would hurt Essek regardless, incompatible lifespans being what they are, having a period of time to adjust to it, to give them a buffer between the inevitable heartbreak was actually really sweet.

Their romance was no accident, they knew going in that it had a time limit, that it wasn’t going to be forever for one of them, and the fact they did it anyway says so much. They began their adventure wholeheartedly believing that they were both, in their own way incapable of love, only to later find it with each other. Whether their relationship lasted for a couple of years or multiple decades is irrelevant, what matters is that while it did they had a happy and fulfilled life together.

I know some folk wanted Caleb to use the transmogrification spell on himself so he could live on with Essek as another elf, or make him human instead, but that would have been way out of character for both I think. If they could have backwards engineered one of the rejuvenation stations in Aeor and used it to extend Caleb’s life by a hundred years or so, so he’d have a similar lifespan to Veth, now, I could have seen him possibly doing that, so he could spend more time with his best friend too, but nothing further I think. He longed to be reunited with his parents too much to postpone death unnaturally like that.

That both Caleb and Essek ultimately chose to live with their mistakes and make peace with themselves was incredibly cathartic, and I couldn’t imagine it playing out any better.

The fact Matt has explicitly stated Essek is Demi too means so much to me personally because the latter is a label I’ve been identifying with a lot recently, and it’s so rare for aspec relationships to get any representation! It has honestly given me a lot to think about over the last few days, and I really appreciate it.

To conclude, here’s a bit of shameless self promotion. I wrote this after watching the finale and honestly feel like it sums up my feelings on the nature of their relationship pretty well.

‘A casual hand on a shoulder, a waist, a wrist; a gentle kiss placed on a forehead is common between them now, an intimacy born of trust and mutual affection. Over time it grows, like a fire born of seasoned timber; gradual and steady, no spluttering kindling that flares and sparks, but a slow burn, one which lasts.

Their love is embroidered into every aspect of their lives together. Acts of service, of comfort, of understanding.

Sometimes a kiss leads to more than a kiss, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way they are content.‘

So yeah, I love these two wizard boys so very much and I couldn’t be happier with the conclusion of their stories. ❤️

#Critical Role #Critical Role Spoilers #CR Spoilers #shadowgast #Essek thelyss #Caleb Widogast #C2ep141 #C2ep141 spoilers #critical role finale

64 notes · View notes

cle-guy · 3 years

Text

Projecting Story Elements for Magic: the Gathering in 2022

OK, I love the Magic: the Gathering storyline which ranks near the top on my list of favorite hobbies on Tumblr. This year brings numerous opportunities to speculate on the story elements for this year’s premier MTG sets! So for this post I am going to speculate on:

1. Potential story elements of the set

2. Specific events which may occur

3. Planeswalkers who may appear in the set

I will go set by set, and try to incorporate as much known knowledge as possible! I may update my thoughts as sets (and stories from released sets) become known as the year progresses. Without further ado!

Innistrad: Crimson Vow

Technically not in 2022, but coming soon none-the-less! We know lots about the story elements, considering Crimson Vow takes place directly after Midnight Hunt.

Story Elements:

The first known thing about Crimson Vow is the “Biggest vampire wedding in Innistrad history!” which will unite the Voldaren and Markov bloodlines. We also know from the story so far that night on Innistrad is overcoming day. Humans who once turned to Avacyn for safety increasingly look to other sources for protection, including ancient magics forgotten when Sorin created Avacyn. One Coven seeks to restore the balance, and needs the Moonsilver Key in the Celestus to perform the ritual.

We also know part of the Gatewatch: Teferi, Chandra and Kaya came to Innistrad to assist Arlinn Kord, who seeks to help restore the Day/Night balance on her home plane. Now, while Arlinn & the Gatewatch succeed in finding the Moonsilver Key, and also succeed in starting the ritual: I do not believe the ritual passes. I suspect Olivia Valdaren ends the ritual and blocks it based on the card: Olivia’s Midnight Ambush. The flavor text on this card reads:

"And you were almost finished with that ritual, weren't you, darling? How very rude of me. To make it up to you, I'll send you an invitation to my wedding."

I suspect her raid ends the ritual, kills the Coven leader, and spirals us into Crimson Vow.

Overall, this suggests that much of the plot of Crimson Vow will surround new attempts to restore the balance between Day and Night. I suspect Sorin Markov, who fights Sigarda in a rage, will unite with the Gatewatch (and Arlinn Kord, & Sigarda) to save the plane. How they do this is not revealed as of yet. However, I suspect one plot detail has been spoiled for the set and thats....

Specific Events:

Edgar Markov marries Olivia Valdaren.

Olivia is the known progenitor of the Voldaren line, as Edgar Markov is the known progenitor of the Markov line. At first I felt Sorin would marry Olivia, but I find this unlikely as Olivia despises Sorin (and refuses to save him at the end of Eldritch Moon). Sorin may care for the future of Innistrad but he remains hedonistic and petty; he spends the end of Episode 2 in this story line griping about how nobody sacrificed as much as he did for the plane and why should he be expected to give more? He also treats Nahiri quite shallowly when she arrives on Innistrad to demand he help her fix Zendikar.

More importantly, however, we also get card evidence that Edgar Markov is involved in this story, specifically: Fateful Absence. The flavor text for this card reads:

“Sensing a plot, Sorin raced to his grandfather's resting-crypt. But someone else had gotten there first.“

The plot going like this, I suspect, for the story:

A) Our heroes (the Gatewatch, Sigarda, Arlinn) regroup after Olivia invokes eternal night by defeating the ritual.

B) They join up with Sorin Markov, who is now angry at Olivia for convincing his grandfather to marry her, and hatch a plan to stop the wedding

C) Olivia marries Edgar

D) The wedding turns into a bloody mess as the Gatewatch, Arlinn, & Sigarda all try to reverse the damage. Sorin spends the story finding a way to get revenge.

E) One of Edgar or Olivia survives

F) Emrakul is released and everybody dies (Just kidding)

Anyway, with all of this laid out that leaves us with potential planeswalkers.

Planeswalker Appearances:

Each set I will assume only three planeswalkers appear, with speculation for a fourth & fifth.

We already know Arlinn Kord, Teferi, & Sorin Markov will get cards; Arlinn & Teferi will not get cards in this set since they appeared in Midnight Hunt. Sorin Markov appears on the packaging, which nearly guarantees his appearance as a card in this set.

Slot 1: Sorin Markov, WB

Now, Chandra Nalaar and Kaya both appear in the story. The next quesiton would be: do they get cards in the 2nd set since they are known to appear in the story? It’s a tough call. Chandra would fit in nicely since Sorin will almost certainly appear as a WB planeswalker granting a third color for balance purposes. Kaya, on the other hands, presents two problems. First, she shares her color identity with the story’s likely main character. Second, she already got a card recently in Kaldheim (which is still in Standard). I would guess she lacks a card in the set.

Slot 1: Sorin Markov, WB Slot 2: Chandra Nalaar, R

Now we’re into more speculative territory. I highly doubt we only get two planeswalkers in the set, which leaves open a spot for a new planeswalker (likely a blue planeswalker). That being said, I would not be surprised if Tamiyo makes an appearance in the 3rd slot; she appeared in both previous stops in Innistrad, and two of her colors would fill out the color balancing in the set so far.

Slot 1: Sorin Markov, WB Slot 2: Chandra Nalaar, R Slot 3: Tamiyo, U

Other potential planeswalkers include the aforementioned Kaya, Tibalt (who would love to spoil a wedding), & Davirel Cane. If I had to make a stab at a fourth walker I’d gamble and guess Davriel, with a final list of:

Slot 1: Sorin Markov, WB Slot 2: Chandra Nalaar, R Slot 3: Tamiyo, U Slot 4: Davriel Cane, B

Kamigawa: Neon Dynasty

Story Elements:

So little is known about the new set except that the set takes place concurrently in the present, and that the set will feature both a new planeswalker, Keito, and that the current Emperor of Kamigawa is “someone we’re familiar with” which sadly does not tell us much. Let’s start by considering some known characters from the original block:

Toshiro Umezawa. Toshi is definitely not the emperor. First, Toshi was sent to Dominaria by the Myojin of Night’s Reach at the end of the block (and his descendent will eventually kill Nicol Bolas). Second, he’d almost assuredly be dead by now.

Hidetsugu. An ogre who joined with the Oni of All Consuming Chaos, he could conceivably be alive at this point, although he would not be my guess.

The Myojin of Night’s Reach. Unlikely. While powerful enough, ambitious enough, to try: I just do not see her being able to take the power. She was defeated by Bolas sometime after the events of the original block, for instance.

The Sisters of Flesh & Spirit. Better known as “That Which was Taken” and “Michiko Konda” both characters join at the end of the 3rd book. They’re the most likely candidate to run the whole plane, the only downside is I doubt many players actually know who they are, or how they became one.

However, their union would potentially explain the futuristic nature of the plane. If the Emperor is both spirit and flesh, then the spirit world (Kakuriyuo) & physical world (Utsushiyo) may have joined as well, giving the plane its current futuristic (dare I say: neon) appearance.

Specific Events:

I will only predict one event in this set, and that’s the appearance from Tamiyo’s story circle. I would be shocked if this relatively well known gathering is not referenced in the set. It would be a surprise, to say the least.

Planeswalker Appearances:

First thing’s first: Keito is confirmed for the set. We do not know what color identity he has yet, but they did call Keito a “cyber ninja” in the video. Ninjas are a pretty evenly split tribe between blue and black, so I will call Keito a UB planeswalker for now:

Slot 1: Keito, UB

I cannot imagine them returning to Kamigawa without bringing back Tamiyo. I know she literally is predicted to appear in Innistrad: Crimson Vow but I think predicting her here is also plausible.

Slot 1: Keito, UB Slot 2: Tamiyo, U

Next, they also mentioned that a “mysterious planeswalker” would make an appearance in this set as well. Now, they did not say whether this planeswalker was a new planeswalker or a returning planeswalker. Some planeswalkers we know of who I would classify as mysterious include: Kasmina, The Raven Man, The Wanderer, Davriel Cane, Ashiok, & Aminatou. Ashiok is currently investigating New Phyrexia and shares my predicted colors with Keito; Davriel (I think) is a strange fit on this set, and I do not see us learning about the Raven Man absent Liliana. That leaves the Wanderer, Aminatou, or Kasmina. We did just see Kasmina and I do suspect she plays a role in whatever arc they are building up to, but she conflicts with Keito & Tamiyo. That leaves the Wanderer or Aminatou. Given Mark Rosewater’s doubts about Aminatou (and her own conflicts) I predict The Wanderer.

Slot 1: Keito, UB Slot 2: Tamiyo, U Slot 3: The Wanderer, W

That does leave room for a walker with red and green. Samut fits in, but I will guess Sarkhan who originally appeared Gruul, and may visit with Narset.

Slot 1: Keito, UB Slot 2: Tamiyo, U Slot 3: The Wanderer, W Slot 4: Sarkhan Vol, RG

Streets of New Capenna

Planeswalker Appearances:

So little is known about this new plane that I will limit myself to guessing planeswalkers. Ob Nixilis is confirmed, and this is a wedge set, so I am predicting they finally print Nixilis as a Rakdos planeswalker.

Slot 1: Ob Nixilis, BR

They also confirmed this plane is “special” to Elspeth. You do not name drop that and not include her.

Slot 1: Ob Nixilis, BR Slot 2: Elspeth, W

OK. As far as I know: Ajani has not reunited with Elspeth yet, which suggests to me that there is room for a reunion in this set.

Slot 1: Ob Nixilis, BR Slot 2: Elspeth, W Slot 3: Ajani Goldmane, WG

Calix would be my second choice, same colors, since he is currently chasing her. If there is one other potential walker I would guess a new walker. I honestly do not see what other walker would fit here, especially with Nixilis taking up the BR space in this scenario.

Dominaria United

Specific Events:

If you read the first story from Midnight Hunt you know that Teferi helped Wrenn find her seventh tree to bond with, and that Wrenn offered to help Teferi repair the damage his spell phasing out Zhalfir from Dominaria did to both his home and his plane. Given the name I predict Teferi works with Wrenn to restore Dominaria to its full state.

I also predict that Teferi, Karn, & Ajani all work together to plan out the destruction of New Phyrexia (with an eventual showdown sometime in 2023).

Planeswalker Appearances:

I think Dominaria United will act like a traditional core set. So, with that being said, I think the following walkers appear:

Slot 1: Teferi, U Slot 2: Wrenn, G

As said above, I think a big part of the story line is Teferi bringing Zhalfir back to Dominaria. That requires both Wrenn and Teferi, and since this is a core set both will get only a single color.

Slot 1: Teferi, U Slot 2: Wrenn, G Slot 3: Ajani, W

Ajani will return helping Teferi and Karn plan the destruction of New Phyrexia. Since Ajani is base white its a good fit. There are plenty of mono red planeswalkers but only two which make story sense. The first is Koth, but since I doubt he leaves New Phyrexia I do not think he makes an appearance. My guess is Jaya Ballard, a native Dominarian, will show up in the fourth spot instead.

Slot 1: Teferi, U Slot 2: Wrenn, G Slot 3: Ajani, W Slot 4: Jaya Ballard, R

The 5th spot is the one I am not sure of; if Wizards wanted to tell a largely Dominarian story they would bring back Liliana Vess, but I do not think she quite makes sense for this story as she is in hiding and as far as I know her appearance would not sit well with Teferi and Ajani (Gatewatch members). I will toss out three possibilities: 1) Sorin Markov (guessing Teferi recruits him to protect Innistrad against an inter-planar threat), 2) Davriel Cane, or 3) Karn (and go colorless). They could also just include Karn as a 6th walker like Core Set 2021. For now, I will assume Karn as the 5th walker.

Slot 1: Teferi, U Slot 2: Wrenn, G Slot 3: Ajani, W Slot 4: Jaya Ballard, R Slot 5: Karn, C

The Brothers War

This set does not require speculation since the story has already been told. I would highly recommend reading the book. The only thing I will say for certain is: Urza finally gets a real planeswalker card.

#magic the gathering #kamigawa #streets of new capenna #dominaria united #innistrad #crimson vow

16 notes · View notes

symphonyofthewrite · 3 years

Note

Saw your post, getting stuff off your chest, I just wanted to say that I haven't seen the thing with the kids mentioned by anyone and it really stood out to me, I feel what you mean to some extent, because for me it was a stronger reaction, albeit you probably won't feel the same and that's, obviously, perfectly fine. I have an instant recoil these days whenever a character is around kids for like one second and everyone instantly goes "THEY LITERALLY ADOPTED THEM/THAT'S THEIR CHILD/THEY'RE A PARENT"... genuinely sick of it, and I went white as a sheet when I heard it, I wanted to pluck my eyes out. I don't know if it's an American thing but English speaking fandoms (well, those teeming with fancops that is) seem like they cannot process adult looking characters being in any near proximity to childlike characters without automatically imposing parenthood and family dynamics and it's becoming distressing to me. I feel like Alucard needed to process his trauma and learn to trust and be whole again, he's young himself too, why he needed to be a "father figure" all of a sudden is beyond me.

Thank you so much for the ask!! I don’t get many asks so it makes me happy when I can talk meta with people 💛💛 (Sorry I’m a bit late in answering.)

Funnily enough I actually do agree with you. I didn’t have quite so strong a reaction, but I definitely had a very similar one when I first hear it.

My feelings were and are a bit mixed. I was saying in my other post that I would have preferred that I got to actually see this interaction; see the kids run by him and call him father, and him smile when no ones looking. I still think that would have been a better, more touching way to do the scene, and would have had more chance of me liking it (though I probably still would have felt very weird about it). (I think it especially would have been better because it would show that Alucard himself liked it, not that Greta was forcing the role on him.) I know that it was meant to be something touching, and pretty much everyone seems to like it (and I have seen some cute posts about it), so I just tried to like it too, and focus on the fact that all they were really trying to say was he was having a nice relationship with the kids, and that was indeed sweet.

But yeah, when I heard Greta say “I heard some of them calling you father” for me it was less a reaction of horror, and more a “HUH??!!”moment. When I heard it I was like “Alucard...you agree with this???!! This is how you see yourself??!!” I almost expected Alucard to refute it and say he didn’t see himself as a father to them. Like I seriously do not see Alucard as anything remotely close to a father figure, and it felt weird and wrong to me.

Like when I saw him interacting with the kids the first time, I didn’t think “oh he’s a father figure to them.” I just thought “yay, Alucard’s playing with some kids, and getting out of his bubble!!” I didn’t have any thoughts as to what his relationship role was with them, I just thought that first interaction was lovely.

And if I saw him interacting with the kids again, I still wouldn’t go “father figure” I’d just be like “yay, Alucard’s playing with the kids again, how sweet!!”

Sometimes the relationship doesn’t need a role or a label, ya know?

And I thought it was especially strange because…he literally just met them?? Like how can they possibly start calling him father when he’s played with them once or twice? Regardless of Alucard’s side or things, what group of kids would randomly call a nice man they just met ‘father’? Is...Is this a normal thing??

Anyways, back to Alucard’s side of things, Sypha’s line about Alucard being a teenager trapped an adults body has always been something that stuck with me and shaped how I view Alucard. I definitely view him as internally much younger than he looks. No matter how much I might hate them for what they did to him, I think Sumi and Take are about the age he actually is, and their relationship with him made sense to me. He’s still a kid—or at least young—he still needs his parents in his life, really. (That’s part of why I didn’t like that Drac and Lisa don’t go to him at the end. I personally don’t think Alucard really got closure, and in my mind I think he still very much needed them, and that would have been the perfect ending to his story in my mind, where everything comes full circle; He was forced to lose his parents and grow up too early, and only when he’s started to truly grow up does he get them back.) So yeah, I really don’t see him like a father at all. One of my main focuses in my Castlevania fanfiction is his relationship with Dracula, so I very much see him as the son, not as the dad, even when Drac isn’t around.

(Sidenote, come to think of it, I think this is another reason why Greta x Alucard is a nope from me. She’s very much an adult, so I just see a discrepancy between them that makes me feel weird about them being in a romantic relationship. If we need a label I feel like she fits as an older sister for him, guiding him and giving him support. Him unloading all his problems on her within just meeting her makes more sense if he’s like a younger brother who needs to cry to his sister. I felt weird about it in a romantic context when it was so fast. I mean I know he was desperate to talk to someone, and I probably would have done the same, but still).

“I feel like Alucard needed to process his trauma and learn to trust and be whole again, he's young himself too, why he needed to be a "father figure" all of a sudden is beyond me”

^^ THIS. EXACTLY THIS.

I was honestly really hoping they’d go in depth into him dealing with his trauma, and how he’s still hurting from the wounds of it, and how he needs to heal. I thought that’s what his S4 arc would be about. I don’t think they gave him the chance to really process and work through everything that happened. (Again, I don’t think him just unloading all his problems on a nice stranger is truly working through his trauma. I would have much rather watched him struggle to trust her, and him telling her about his trauma happen later, and be difficult for him, and a deep, heartfelt moment).

Like I was saying in my other post, I think if they framed his arc in how he dealt with the town collectively, I think that would have fit better, and been more touching and satisfying. I would have liked to see him struggling to trust humans, and then see as time progressed how several different people in the town liked him and meant him no harm, and how he realized he could trust them, and that he liked them too. It wasn’t that he had a bad romantic partner and needed a new one. He believed he needed to be punished for killing his father, and in his deep loneliness he let these kids into his house and heart, and they turned on him because he was half vampire. That’s something pretty deeply ingrained, and not something a new romance just fixes by existing. He needed to work through that in a much deeper way.

I know this is gonna be a very unpopular opinion, and it's totally cool if you disagree, but in a weird way... I sort of disliked Alucard’s ending. Don’t get me wrong, Im glad he’s happy, and I’d certainly prefer it to him just getting more trauma like last season (*shudders*), and I don’t think him opening up his castle (and his heart) to humanity is a bad way to end his story, certainly not. I think that fits. And my heart did melt a bit at the "I'm weirdly happy" scene. But, where everyone else is like “*sobbing* happy endings for all our faves” ...I see the creators of the show trying to wrap everything up in a neat little bow, and while that’s certainly not all bad, I don’t love every aspect of that. Theres a time and place for that, but a show based on video games, for which there’s more content in these storylines isn’t one of them in my mind.

Sometimes some of the sadness needs to linger. At the very least, let it linger at the beginning of the season so you can work through it in a powerful way, you know? It may have been tough to see Alucard be more closed off, but I think it would have been more satisfying to see him open up his heart and go back to his old self if we saw his trauma leave lingering effects at the beginning.

To me it didn’t feel like a satisfying arc, it felt like the fairytale ending of “oh look he’s not apprehensive about humanity even after what happened! Oh look he got the girl! And the Castle’s a happy place now! Look he’s not sad anymore! He’s even a father figure to these kids! He’s totally moved on!” And all those things can be awesome when done properly, and when they have depth to them. But they didn’t work through the trauma to get there, so it felt surface level to me, and too fast. I really liked that first episode, and how we saw the two sides of him—one that's become more closed off, and the other that still buries the human despite his comments—and I also really liked the first interaction with the kids, and thought that was one of the few interactions that had depth to it and fit with his arc well. Having it go beyond “they’re helping him learn to like and trust humanity again, and displaying who he really is inside” ended up detracting from the power of his relationship with them in my mind.

Having played SOTN, I think an ingrained loneliness and sadness are, in a way, a key part of Alucard’s character. That sounds really sad and awful out loud but…there are some people that just have a sadness or a loneliness to them, and that's not entirely bad. Here’s the thing…it can make them that much more beautiful. The fact that they still fight for good, even when they see all the dark, those moments when they find true friends, despite how alone they are, those moments when they are happy, are so much more powerful. They just are always a bit…separate from other people. One of my favorite lines in anything is the line "We are connected by our darkness, not by our light" in Pandora Hearts. I think it's a line that fits Alucard well, and it’s always something that’s drawn me personally to him. Don't get me wrong, I don’t think Alucard’s all dark and sad and lonely, he’s definitely got a bright side to him too, of course he does. But I also don't think he ever is able to fully accept the vampire side of himself, and I find that interesting, and worth exploring. Personally I was honestly hoping for the show makers to come up with a bittersweet reason for why he went to sleep for 300 years, (and I thought that's why they set things up with Sumi and Taka that he’d have something against his vampire nature). Personally it felt like they were trying to say “oh he’s all better now, he’ll never be sad or lonely again” and while that’s nice I suppose…for me it sort of…stops feeling like Alucard, in a way? I don't know if I'm explaining it right, or if that sounds terrible...😅

Anyways, back to the topic at hand. I do agree that’s very common of fandom that people are like “boom! Just add water! Instant father figure!” and I don’t love it either. Sometimes it can be cute if it truly fits, but it doesn’t fit every relationship between an adult-looking character and a kid character, and shouldn't be the first place people go to. In the same way every relationship doesn’t have to be romantic, not every relationship has to be parental/familial either. Sometimes it feels like fandom culture isn't really okay to have some characters just be good friends. A good friendship can be more wonderful than a romance sometimes.

If we have to put a label on it, I think he seemed like a nice older brother figure to them? I think that fits who he is in my mind. But father? Nope. Not for me. And again, I don’t think it needs a label.

Thanks again for sending me this ask!! It was nice to get the chance to work through some more of my feelings here too. Sorry if I went too overboard. And I hope I don’t sound too terribly negative, it really was a great season, and I definitely liked some parts of his arc, just not all of it.

If you or anyone else reading would like to discuss with me more, be my guest!! 💕

27 notes · View notes

aitaikimochi · 4 years

Photo

Here is the full translation of Nomura, Kitase, and Toriyama, and Hamaguchi’s interview from the FF7R Famitsu feature! Nomura talks about Jessie's popularity, the decision to include the Masssage Parlour scene, comments about the next installment's release, and more! Kitase discusses how it’s like working with a new generation of game developers, explains a bit more about the scene with Sephiroth and Cloud at the Edge of Creation, and refers to the Remake as the “New FFVII Story.” Toriyama mentions that the staff who worked on the original game wanted to create a completely new game while younger staff wanted to stay true to the original. Hamaguchi explains more about the development process as well as how they came up with the battle system, what type of system they have planned for Part 2, and more!

DIRECTOR TETSUYA NOMURA INTERVIEW —Now that the game has been released, how are you feeling?

Nomura: Well first off, I feel very relieved. Although there’s still a long way to go on the road to completing the entire story, we are now able to see exactly which direction we will be heading.

—From the game’s battle system to its story to the elaborate details of Midgar’s various environments, including songs that sometimes only play in one scene, the game is full of a richness that has been carefully crafted, which shows that a lot of time and effort was spent creating this game. The staff must have been very enthusiastic, right?

Nomura: I think it’s due to the staff’s love for FFVII. The enthusiasm from the fans also helped propel us forward.

—Are there any elements from either the Original game or part of the compilation that you wanted to make a reality or something that you wanted to have in the past game that then added into this game?

Nomura: Definitely the world itself as well as how richly the people are portrayed. With all the different compilations gathered, it was rather easy to create the world. I think we were able to convey the importance of the areas seamlessly.

—FF7R really digs deep into the Original Game’s story, but there is a surprising development towards the end of the game. With Remakes, there’s always a faction of people who don’t want anything changed, but there are also those who actually want things to be changed. Were there discussions among the creators on whether or not you should change things?

Nomura: Since the concept of FF7R was already decided from the beginning, there wasn’t that much discussion. However, since each individual had different ways of perceiving things, we did discuss exactly how far we will change the story. I believe that I was the one who actually put a stop on several ideas towards the latter half of development (laughs).

—The Remake contains the “Whispers of Fate” that are not present in the original story, but what was the intent of having this presence? In English, they’re called the Whispers, but in Japanese they’re called the “Feelers.” Is there a specific reason for this difference, for example if the word “Feeler” was the origin of the name?

Nomura: Nojima-san actually requested us to give the Whispers an eerie aura. Initially, the Whispers were designed to be made out of small particles of sand that crumbled while still maintaining its shape, but also unclear in form. We then created an image of them wearing a robe, but more so than that, when we had to make a lot of them appear together, that’s when their form took a clear shape. The word “feeler” means to sense and to touch, but at the moment I cannot say anymore than that.

—Those who come into contact with Aerith can see the Whispers, right? Also, was Aerith able to see them from the beginning?

Nomura: People can see the Whispers when they come into contact with Aerith. However, at the moment I am unable to tell you when Aerith started seeing them.

—Instead of always being on edge, Cloud seems to behave more cooly but instead comes off as uncool to those around him. Aerith also seems a bit more mature than the original’s portrayal of her, and Barret seems a more unhinged and tense. The characters all seem to have a new side of them now. What kind of concepts did you use to add to the characters in this game?

Nomura: I personally think that the characters still have the same image as they did before, but with much more expressions now, and adding voices also created a large impact. This was my interpretation of the characters at the start, but since the original game required the player to imagine the type of reactions the characters would have, I think that this caused there to be different images of the characters. As time passed, I’m sure that those images of the characters had changed as well. I think that the errors in each individual player’s interpretation is in itself an interesting part of the game.

—Jessie has a lot of scenes in the Remake and has become quite a popular character. Were her scenes planned from the beginning, or were they something that was added midway through development?

Nomura: It was planned from the beginning. However, I did not expect her to be this popular though!

—The three new characters in Wall Market, Andrea Rhodea, Madam M, and Chocobo Sam, left quite an impression. What was created first, the characters’ personalities or their designs? Also, how did the concept of the Massage Parlour come about?

Nomura: At first, the characters’ personalities weren’t that detailed. We didn’t plan for their designs to be that rich either. However, I think that the voices and acting played a great role for them. In regards to the hand massage, in a city like that, well, the maturity rating would probably go up, so we couldn’t go further with what we had.

—Characters such as Leslie and Kyrie appeared in the light novels, but what was the background on bringing them into the Remake? For example, was it for fan service or something else?

Nomura: Since the stories are part of the Compilation, Nojima-san and myself had plans for them to be included from the beginning. We thought that it would be natural for them to appear in that time and place within the story, so we decided to leave them there. In regards to what happens to them after the events in the Remake, I recommend that players read the light novel “Final Fantasy 7 TURKS: The Kids Are All Right.”

—In regards to the battle system, it contains a fusion of both command and action elements, and each character has a different fighting style. By choosing different character moves, players are able to form various effective strategies, making for a very refreshing experience. Also, the acting and conversations that the characters have during battle also gives a fresh spin on each battle. I’m sure that this was made possible by trial and error, but what was the most difficult part in doing all of this?

Nomura: A real time action battle requires a sense of nervousness and realism, but we couldn’t discard the form and battle of the original game’s command RPG style. As a result, we went through a lot of trial and error to find a perfect harmony for the two. We decided early on to allow for a slow motion sequence to take place to allow players the advantage of being able to select their actions, but there was a long period of time that we couldn’t do it properly. It was largely thanks to the staff for tying in the ATB system to perfect this as well.

—Lastly, is there anything you would like to say to the readers?

Nomura: We know that everyone wants the next installment to be released quickly. We would also like to deliver it as soon as possible. Since we were able to see the line of quality from the first installment, we hope to make the next installment even better in quality that will make for an even greater experience. We hope to release it as soon as possible, so please wait a bit more. I think we can clearly convey the direction when we officially announce the next installment, so we hope you can look forward to it!

---------

PRODUCER YOSHINORI KITASE INTERVIEW

—From the time that the game was announced at E3 during 2015, the world focused their attention on the game, and after releasing footage of the game’s progress through a promotional video at E3 during 2019, the expectations from the fans has only increased. I’m sure you felt quite a lot of pressure at that time, but now that the game is finally released, how do you feel?

Kitase: I feel relieved that we were able to successfully approach both veteran fans who have been there since the beginning as well as new fans. I feel like right now, the expectations are even higher than before the game was released, and that gives us a lot of motivation to develop the next installment.

—Before the game was released, you mentioned that the hurdle that you needed to overcome was that of the player’s imagination that they have constructed in their minds for the Remake. After seeing the reception from the players post-release, do you feel that you have overcome that hurdle?

Kitase: Well, not just for me, but the power of the entire development staff combined was great. Most of them were fans from the beginning who also played the original game when it first came out. Thanks to that, they knew what kind of image fans probably had for the Remake, and I think we were able to overcome the hurdles that way.

—The game was released worldwide during a time when COVID-19 was affecting the entire world, but did that have any impacts on the game’s development? Also, before the game was released, promotional events were cancelled and the distribution of the game was also shipped ahead of schedule. There seemed to have been a lot of hard decisions to make depending on the situation…

Kitase: In terms of development, we only had the debugging phase left, which meant that the game was pretty much already complete, so there was not much impact from the virus. However, it was a pity that many promotional events were cancelled, and people were not able to really celebrate the release of the game. Luckily, through the means of the downloadable version, we were able to deliver some fun during a very stressful time where it was hard for people to even leave their homes. I hope that we were able to give them at least a moment of reprieve through the game.

—In regards to the FFVII Remake production, was there anything you were particular about?

Kitase: In the latter half of the story, there’s a scene where Cloud and Sephiroth have a confrontation. I wanted the scenery of that segment to show a starry sky that represents the overall themes of FFVII, and the art design team was able to bring that image to life.

Kitase: That’s all thanks to the careful attention that the Co-Directors Hamaguchi and Toriyama as well as the development staff put in making this game. I started game development ever since the Super Famicom console, so I’m used to the type of “cut” and “reuse” way of production. However, the new generation of games require a sense of reality, so that former way of developing games has become obsolete. The current generation of game development staff have that new type of conscience when creating games, so it’s thanks to their enthusiasm that we were able to make this possible.

—I’m sure that there are several younger development staff who never played the original FFVII, so were there any instances where there was a bit of a generation gap?

Kitase: Not really. But I guess when we wanted to give an example from a movie or something, we wouldn’t bring up a reference from an old movie that they probably wouldn’t know (laughs).

—Are there any elements from either the Original game or part of the Compilation that you wanted to make a reality or something that you wanted to have in the past game that was then added into this game?

Kitase: I suppose that would be making everything in 3D with a 360 degree scope of the world. Especially when you’re looking up into the sky of Midgar or looking down towards the slums, I’m really glad that we were able to give the city a sense of realism.

—As a gamer, was there anything in particular from FF7R that surprised or impressed you?

Kitase: This is connected with my answer to the previous question, but yes, being able to look above towards the sky from the slums, thinking “wow, you can see the sky after all!” For 23 years, I imagined the slums to be under a lot of pressure and cloaked in darkness. In the Remake, you can see a different side of the city during the day that you could not see in the original game, and I thought that was really fun.

—You were involved with the initial level design of the Sector 5 Mako Reactor from when the characters infiltrate the reactor to their escape, but were there any other parts that you also were involved in?

Kitase: I was also in charge of the initial stage level design for the scene at the top of the Shinra Building. The scene where Cloud is about to fall off the rooftop but is saved by Tifa is a callback and answer to the Sector 5 Mako Reactor scene where Tifa couldn’t save Cloud from falling.

Kitase: Director Nomura as well as Co-Director Hamaguchi and Toriyama hoped to be able to keep all the parts of the original that fans have come to love. However, we also wanted to add several surprises that would balance out the story too. I’m sure there are people who wish to experience the exact same story and relive memories. However, if we were to do that, then all we would be doing is just adding to the original experience, which would cause the Remake to lose its significance. I think that we were able to successfully revive the story by adding new elements for the new generation of a “New FFVII.”

—Lastly, is there anything you would like to say to the readers?

Kitase: The new FFVII’s story has only just begun. Please look forward to the story from here on out! --------- CO-DIRECTOR TORIYAMA MOTOMU INTERVIEW

—Now that the game has been released, how are you feeling?

Toriyama: I’m really glad that despite the abrupt change in lifestyle [due to COVID-19], this game is able to deliver entertainment to people around the world in the comfort of their own homes. There was some skeptism from fans when we announced before the release of the game that the FF7 Remake will only take place in Midgar, but because the game dug so deeply into the world of FF7, I was relieved to hear that a lot of people were extremely satisfied with the game.

Toriyama: We thought about how we can revive the entity of FFVII using the latest technology as well as capturing the richness of the original. The time it took to oversee one scene or area was great, and in order to do so, we needed much more staff than what we had back in the day. Each and every staff had their own things they were particular about, and we were able to find a balance and successfully craft this game.

—Since you were involved with the development of the game, was there anything you were concerned about?

Toriyama: Since we had to replace many things with a new portrayal, I was quite particular that the essence of FFVII still remained true throughout. I think that if you had played the original game too, you would know which parts were changed and which parts were left in. However, I wanted to make sure that the events of the Remake flowed in a natural way with both new and familiar elements that you can enjoy. I’m happy to know that the Remake is able to add an even more vivid experience to go along with your memories of FFVII.

—I’m sure that there are several younger development staff who never played the original FFVII, so were there any instances where there was a bit of a generation gap?

Toriyama: There are actually a lot of staff who have played the original FFVII and got the opportunity to work in this industry. There are also staff who are more versed in the original game than even the members of staff who worked on the original game, and many of those staff wanted to make an adaptation that kept faithful to the original. In terms of keeping things as traditional as possible, the staff who worked on the original game, myself included, had the notion of “making a new game that no one has ever seen before.” With that conscience in mind, we were able to decide the type of direction we wanted to go in the Remake.

Toriyama: In terms of music, FFVII is a rather cinematic series, but in the original game due to disc space and time restraints, we weren’t able to include a movie-worthy soundtrack. However, we were able to challenge ourselves with the Remake. We wanted to have specific songs that played throughout the entire game that would also go along with the scenes, so the Remake gave us a chance to be able to try this out. With this type of composing, we didn’t really have a specific detailed list, so we didn’t count exactly how many songs we created until we realized that the soundtrack itself would span to seven discs, making it a huge volume of songs (laughs).

—As a gamer, was there anything in particular from FF7R that surprised or impressed you?

Toriyama: After the game was released, I saw a gaming review website capture all the little details of various landscapes in the game, from the posters and billboards to the train time schedules, close inspections of the buildings, pretty much everything that showed the lifestyles of people living in Midgar. Although I’m glad that people were able to deeply observe the details we put in, I can’t help but see some flaws, so it kind of gives me pressure to make sure that the next installment will have even more perfected details (laughs).

—Compared to 23 years ago, from the addition of voices in conversations to a change of design, trends have changed. Was it difficult to achieve a balance of retaining the essence of the original game but still representing it for a new generation?

Toriyama: We wanted to have the game be fully voiced including the NPC within the city, so we were careful when putting in dialogue that would sound natural. We left in some funny lines spoken from the original game’s NPC too, but since there were way more NPCs in the Remake compared to the original, we made sure to find a good balance where those lines wouldn’t be buried among the other spoken dialogue.

Toriyama: For the Remake, the voice acting was added after we had finished creating the cutscenes, and I think that the character’s performance really shined through from the work that the actors and actresses have done that brought out each character’s charm. During recording, Barret had an unexpected continuity that we pushed further, and the results really brought out his character very well.

—In regards to seeing a brand new side of Cloud, the peak of it would probably be the dance sequence at the Honey Bee Inn. Was this scene planned from the beginning?

Toriyama: We strongly did not want to leave out Cloud’s crossdressing scene but instead wanted to create a concept that would make it stand out even more in the Remake. We decided to make Wall Market a huge entertainment district, and we were very enthusiastic in making the Honey Bee Inn even more of an entertainment hotspot in the Remake. I actually helped create the Honey Bee Inn for the original game, so it was easy for me to reimagine the place for the Remake. While still retaining some elements from the original, we were able to give it a huge makeover.

—The Shinra Mascot dog “Stamp” appears in various locations, even on a snack package blowing in the wind in towards the ending with Zack. Was the character of Stamp originally created in the beginning stages of development?

Toriyama: The dog Stamp is a very important symbol that was planned since the beginning. Stamp’s use was determined along with the game design. AVALANCHE also uses him as their symbol, so there is a good meaning to him that we included to have him stand out. However, the Stamp that appears in the scene with Zack is a different breed, so please pay attention to that.

—I was quite surprised that Chadley turned out to be what he was in the story, but who’s idea was it to create this character?

Toriyama: Chadley is a new character that was not in the original game, so it was the scenario team who decided on creating this character. There are a lot of contents regarding the game’s difficulty levels and clearing the battle reports, so we decided to have Cloud be able to encounter Chadley throughout the entire game. I haven’t finished clearing the HARD mode yet, but I hope that those who haven’t cleared everything yet can challenge themselves with this!

—The new character Roche left quite an impact, but he’s an eccentric one that only appears in Chapter 4 and nowhere else. What was the purpose of his character, and will he appear in the next installment?

Toriyama: We had initially drawn up a concept of having Roche appear at the last battle on the Midgar Highway, but we thought that he might ruin the serious mood of the ending sequence, so we scrapped that idea. We also thought to put him in as a boss battle in the Chapter 14 slums, but since you can’t really race around on a motorbike in the slums, we unfortunately could not make it work. Roche’s spontaneity is one of his character traits that stands out though, so there’s a high chance that he’ll appear in the next installment (laughs).

—In the Remake, the characters have a lot of banter when they’re walking around or fighting battles, and the dialogue is not always the same either. Did you oversee the types of conversations that were put in?

Toriyama: All scenarios were checked and supervised by me and Nojima-san. We actually had a lot more lines prepared in the script for dialogue spoken by characters in boss battles, but somewhere around the middle of production, we eventually cut out the frequency of giving out hints and instead left it to the players to think about what to do. This in turn caused us to cut a lot of dialogue out.

—Are there any specific episodes, scenes, or dialogue that you were interested in or wanted to include?

Toriyama: The AVALANCHE base at the bottom of Seventh Heaven in the original game was an interesting area that left an impression on me, but since Cloud is not very close with AVALANCHE in the Remake, we wanted to show that distance between them, which made us leave out that scene. Although I really wanted to have Barret punching that sandbag in the Remake, I had to restrain myself (laughs).

—Lastly, is there anything you would like to say to the readers?

Toriyama: Even though the first installment of the “FFVII Remake” has ended, the story has only just begun. While listening to the voices of the fans, we also hope to make the next installments something that would exceed your expectations. I personally also played the original game again after finishing the Remake. While waiting for the next installment, I hope you can enjoy the differences in the Remake’s portrayal of Midgar and also have fun imagining what kinds of things lie ahead in the next game too!

---------

CO-DIRECTOR HAMAGUCHI NAOKI INTERVIEW

—Now that the game has been released, how are you feeling?

Hamaguchi: I felt very relieved after seeing the user feedback after the game was released. I fully joined the development team for FF7R in 2017 when the fans had been waiting for this game for quite some time already. So I made it my mission to ensure that fans do not wait longer than 3 years for the completion of the game. FF7 is a game that many people have come to love, so there was a real sense of responsibility to carry, but even so, the development team staff is composed of people who are extremely passionate about FF7, so we were able to enjoy making this game while progressing on its development.

—Since you were involved with the development of the game, was there anything you were concerned about?

Hamaguchi: What was constantly said to the team was that we must “respect the original game.” We were not creating a new game that is only inspired by the characters and world of FFVII, but we strove to create a game where the elements of the original are remade using the latest game design and graphics, making it feel “nostalgic yet new.” If we were to stray far away from the source material, then people might think “this is not the FFVII that I know,” so we tried to follow the original story but added details that we could not add 20 years ago using the latest technology. With that, we were able to focus on enriching the story to create an experience that is still “the FFVII that l know, but with a lot more new things waiting to be discovered.”

Hamaguchi: The Remake was made possible by the enthusiasm from the entire staff. During the production of this game, the task division between the development staff was even more than another Final Fantasy numbered game. For example, a person in charge of location would usually be a level designer that would spend 2-3 years on a single location’s design, execution, and then implementation, and we had specific staff designated to work on all the locations as well. For battle parts, we had a single person in charge of 2-3 bosses at a time, and a level designers also oversaw everything from design to implementation. With this scheme, we were able to have each game designer focus on only the parts that they are designated with, which allowed them to be enthusiastic and particular with the production of their areas. However, because of this, each game designer felt very strongly of their work that they poured their all into, so in order to not lose satisfaction, wemade it a priority to view the contents as a whole within the team. By doing this, we were able to combine everyone’s vision into the end product.

—Without having the battle system be solely either a Command RPG or Action style, it must have been challenging to fuse the two together. During development, there must have been some trial and error to get it right, but was there any part that was specifically concerning or challenging?

Hamaguchi: One of the most particular parts was how we were going to incorporate the ATB Battle System. We didn’t want to incorporate a completely new battle style that was different than the original, so we were inspired by the original FF7’s ATB battle system to create a new and improved one that also works in real time. Of course, I’m sure that the action elements we added gives off a very fresh impression, but the root of the system is from the ATB battle system, allowing us to incorporate a sense of nostalgia to the battle system. The part we worked extremely hard on was how to fuse together action and command style elements. Many of the development team staff including myself have a long history working with command RPGs, so we are very confident with that type of battle style in that field. However, when we tried adding action elements in, there was a sense of discord within the battle system we had.

The part we were stuck on was that implementing a command system will cause the the user to have too much information in regards to fighting strategy, and that would only cause issues if we were also going to add real time action options too. When we were doing trial and error to figure out how to draw the line between how many action and command elements we could add, Battle Director Endou Teruki was able to join our team. He is extremely versed with action battle systems and how to develop them, so as soon as he saw what we had created, he immediately pointed out that we were lacking features in regards to the action elements of the battle system. Since we were having trouble figuring out a balance between the action and command elements, we couldn’t really answer what we were lacking since we just simply added in action elements, so we were not able to create a very refreshing experience. Luckily, Endou was able to concentrate on the action parts and balanced out the battle system with fast paced command RPG strategy as well as action elements, which is what you see in the finished product.

—In terms of creating an action battle system, I’m sure there were concerns about the increasing difficulty of that fighting style. For those who are not fond of action battle systems, there’s also the option of “CLASSIC Mode,” but was there anything else you were particularly conscious about?

Hamaguchi: For those who only wanted to enjoy the game’s story, we implemented EASY Mode, for those who wanted to enjoy the command RPG style of fighting, we also created the CLASSIC mode, so there are different play styles you can choose from. Since the “CLASSIC mode” was something we tried for the first time, we were excited to hear the reactions of the players, and I think the reviews have been favorable. We heard comments from users who enjoyed the Normal mode’s difficulty level but in the CLASSIC mode style, so we will refer to their feedback in the future as well.

—Since the game’s release, I’m sure that most people have viewed the battle system in a very favorable light. What do you think about the reactions that you have seen thus far?

Hamaguchi: We feel that we have delivered the exact type of battle experience that users can accept. I think this is thanks to the way we were able to create a system that not only reimagines the ATB battle system in real time form, but we also pays homage to the Command RPG style, which leaves a sense of nostalgia while giving a fresh new experience to the battle style. I’m sure there are a lot of people who are interested in what kind of battle system we have in store for the next installment too. We would like the battle system to be even more customizable with more action and command strategies that users can curate into their own playing style, giving an even newer experience, so please look forward to that!

—It seems that the level cap at 50 has some limitations in regards to your status attributes and range, and since various weapons have their own strengths, it seems like you put thought into balancing out battles. In regular RPGs, characters grow and their weapons become stronger, but it feels like this was done in moderation. Was this balance something that the development team had planned from the beginning?

Hamaguchi: When we were stuck on how to create the battle system, we made changes to optimize the balance of the battle system. We wanted a balance that also incorporated the original FF7’s customizable options with materia, and Battle Director Endou also had the same thoughts. However, if we allowed players to get as many materia as they would like, then they could technically give the same set of materia to each character, which would defeat the purpose of giving each character their own unique abilities. Thus, we decided to put limits on the amount of attributes you can have. Moreso than putting a moderation on gaining strength, we wanted players to have fun with the strategies that they could incorporate by using different materia or weapons. If you were to redo a battle, you could try other ways of setting up your weapons and materia to create a stress free battle, and I thought that was an important function to have.

—Boss battles within the game have different stages where the attacks or field changes, such as the Sword Dance battle that splits between two parties during the fight. Was this concept of having battles be set up in different stages as the fight progressed something that was decided during the beginning of production?

Hamaguchi: That’s right. I told the team during the beginning that boss battles would be executed out in phases. Many of the bosses within each chapter contain some of the most exciting reveals, so we wanted players to be able to feel immersed within the story even through the boss battles. In order to do that, we constructed each boss battle to have several different phases where the battle strategy changes and also focuses on the story at the same time. We also paid attention to the party structure. In particular, we spent a lot of time and effort to solidify the party structure during the battle with Sephiroth. The battle with the Whisper Harbinger that leads to the climax fight with Sephiroth is one that changes automatically as does the structure of the party you are fighting with, so the protagonists need to work together in order to challenge their own fate.

However, we felt that if we were to do the same type of structure during Sephiroth’s battle, then it might become tedious to the player. For example, if we were to take away one of the protagonists out of the four, then the fans of that protagonist might feel let down. Because of that, we decided that the characters who join you during the Sephiroth battle will depend on how you fought during the Whisper Harbinger battle. However, in order to do this, we would have to create a ton of cutscenes depending on the order that the characters appear in, and even now I remember the look on the cutscene team member’s faces when I proposed the idea and the blank stares that I received (laughs). Because the Final Fantasy Series is one that is known for having a large amount of cutscenes, I am really grateful for the cutscene team member’s assistance in not just the Sephiroth battle scene, but for working so hard on all cutscenes within the series too.

—There are weapons, accessories, materia, and items that were added into the Remake that were not present in the original game, but was there any particular reason for doing this?

Hamaguchi: Right before the game went gold, I actually made an absurd request to the team to add the “Pedometer” materia. You get this materia at the start of Chapter 14, and since you’re there to help people out with odds and ends within the Sector 5 and Sector 6 slums, you would need to walk around the areas a lot. Since you had visited these areas within Chapter 8 and Chapter 9 already, there wouldn’t be many changes, so I thought to give players a reason for walking around these places again by adding in this materia. I actually originally called the materia the “Step” materia, but I noticed that Toriyama changed the name to the “Pedometer” materia instead (laughs). I was reminded of it again when I saw the strategy book refer to that name.

—Is there any specific monster enemy or battle (whether it be within the Colosseum or Battle Simulator) that piqued your interest?

Hamaguchi: The “Level 7 Top Secret Battle” has quite a shock factor. The person in charge of battle planning asked me, “Does it make sense for Bahamut to summon Ifrit?” Since they are fighting in a virtual reality, it wouldn’t be a problem, so I answered “Yeah, go for it!” without thinking too much about it. However, when I was doing a play check for the difficulty level of the battle, I remember being shocked (laughs). When that happens, you’d probably panic and think that you should defeat Ifrit first, but it’s actually more advantageous to focus on attacking Bahamut instead. This battle was the most difficult one for me and left quite an impression.

—I’m sure that there are several younger development staff who never played the original FFVII, so were there any instances where there was a bit of a generation gap?

Hamaguchi: Since the original game was so widely loved by fans everywhere, there were a lot of younger staff members who were scared of making changes. On the other hand, Producer Kitase wanted big changes (laughs). Nomura and I saw the Remake as an homage to the original game, so if we were to change anything, we made sure that it would be something planned with a specific reason that fans could accept.

—Did you have any ideas or wishes that you were entertaining by yourself that was then made a reality in this game?

Hamaguchi: It’s not something I was entertaining for a while, but having an automatic weapon growth system was something that I focused on before working on FF7R since I was on the development team for the “Mobius Final Fantasy” game, which left a strong impression on me. Since a smartphone game operates in a way that you return to it on a daily basis, lots of things are automated as much as possible to create a smooth experience. There’s also a card synthesis system within the game that allows for an automated way to synthesize your cards, so that was a point that I thought would be nice to have in FF7R where weapons could automatically level up as well. I’m always thinking about the consumer side when developing games, and being able to see customer reactions in real time, such as when I was developing smartphone games, gave me an environment to try out a lot of ideas I had. I think that was a great experience for me.

—As a gamer, was there anything in particular from FF7R that surprised or impressed you?

Hamaguchi: Although I myself was involved too, I’m still very impressed that we were able to successfully create a game from start to finish without making compromises to any of the large amount of data we had. This is all thanks to not only Nomura, Toriyama, and other directors such as me, but also to the game designers, graphics team, sound team, system staff, and more. All of us had various responsibilities as creators, and it’s because of the best efforts of everyone that we were able to make this game possible. I’m personally very excited to make the next game with the same team members again!

—FFVII Remake is highly praised as a game with amazing quality with the latest technology, but was there anything that was challenging or something that you did not personally oversee but was still impressed with the outcome?

Hamaguchi: Seeing the world of FFVII open up through its story is one of the highlights that makes the game so enjoyable, but the user experience and story immersion could be greatly impacted with too many loading screens and wait times. We therefore kept a technical eye on the loading system since the beginning. In order to do this, we aligned the data with each situation so that it could simultaneously load, which allowed us to not have the loading screen appear during the middle of the chapter. During the last cutscene of each chapter, the next chapter’s data would already be loading in the background, which allowed for the load screen between chapters to also be as short as possible. We also added tips to read on the load screen, but because the loading times are so short, it’s also difficult to read all of them. It made me cry out with joy!

—Lastly, is there anything you would like to say to the readers?

Hamaguchi: The first installment of the “FFVII Remake Project” was centered around Midgar, and we strived to recreate a Midgar that you could not experience in the original story, showcasing the hustle and bustle of the lives of the people there as well as the environment. The next installment will then shift to the other parts of the world since the characters have escaped from Midgar in the story. We hope to create a game that allows you to experience the charm and allure of the world of FFVII from the various lives of the people as well as the environments that will be present. Production for the next installment is already under way, and our team is putting their all into the advancement of the game. Although there is still a wait, we hope that you can look forward to what we have in store!

#final fantasy 7 #ff7r #final fantasy 7 remake #ff7 #final fantasy vii remake #ffvii #final fantasy #cloud #aerith #tifa #barret #red xiii #reno #rude #tseng #rufus #my translations

250 notes · View notes

spectrumed · 3 years

Text

4. body

Do I have body issues? Well... yeah. Who doesn’t? I absolutely do not like being fat, that’s something I’d change about me. And I probably should bulk up a little, go to the gym. My diet isn’t terrible, I don’t eat any fast food, but I could still always eat healthier. More greens, less beans. But most of all, my biggest body issue is that I don’t really associate myself with my body. My mind feels disconnected from my body. The day scientists invent a way for us all to live as brains in jars on wheels, I’m there standing in line for a chance to become all cerebral. Being physical, it’s just so messy, so awkward, so uncomfortable. You feel pain, you feel embarrassment, you feel horny. Nothing good comes from having a body. If you were just a brain, you could go on thinking and calculating and just generally having a good mental time. Or you’d start feeling suffocated and trapped trying to move your limbs and realising that they have been all chopped off. Hmm… Maybe it’s more complicated than I initially thought.

I don’t understand people who enjoy physical activities. Let it be clear before we delve into this long rant of mine complaining about all things gymnastic, this is not particularly an autistic trait. In fact, there are plenty of autistic people who may excel as athletes, their drive and obsessive personality traits becoming quite useful in developing that discipline that is required to fully commit to becoming an all-star jock. Not all autistic people are reprehensible nerds. Some autistic people are actually quite sexy. Some even have abs. But that’s not me. That’s not my clan of autistic people. I like drawing maps. I like thinking about things. I like making cocktails. The only part of my physical body that I like to put strain on is my liver. Don’t make me go on a run. There isn’t an armchair in this world that I wouldn’t want to sit down in, even the ones that used to be owned by old chain-smokers that have that awful aroma that sneaks into your nostrils and makes you worry about second-hand lung cancer. Sitting is great. I like sitting. Also lying down. Lying down is good.

Am I lazy? No, I don’t think so. Maybe a little, but here’s the thing. I can’t control the things I obsess over. There’s a great deal of overlap between autism spectrum disorder and attention deficit disorder. If you’re reading this and you’re a fellow friend on the spectrum, you may have gotten diagnosed with both. One of those rare times in my life I have attended group therapy, more than half the group were diagnosed with both. I, however, am not. But seeing as the two conditions are so intertwined, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that a facet of autism involves difficulties in trying to focus on something, or even trying not to focus on something too hard. If you were to judge my tenacity, my ability to keep going, based solely on how I perform during physical tasks, you’d think I was the least resolute person on the planet. But then you’ll find me, some time later, staying up until four in the morning drawing another map. A map that’s really just a different take on another map that I drew earlier, that itself was a reworked version of a previous map that I drew but didn’t like, that actually began as a second iteration of one map I drew that was actually wholly different, that was based on a map of Europe but if Denmark never existed. How many maps have you drawn Fred? Why don’t you go mind your own business, you nosy ferret.

The DSM-5 (the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. You can think of it as something akin to a bible of psychology, which is definitely an inflammatory way to refer to it, but I’m gonna go with it! Because I’m a wildcard, and that’s just how I roll,) includes this section as part of its diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder.

Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

Now, I personally don’t relate to that at all. There’s nothing abnormal in my intense love for maps. The fact that maps aren’t as widely cherished as they ought to be is a fault of others, and I refuse to acknowledge that this may be a part of my character that could be perceived as quirky, or out of the ordinary. But, still, for the sake of argument, let’s presume that I can get, at times, excessively circumscribed. I’d like to say that I’ve only ever engaged in excessive circumscribing in my privacy away from onlookers, but I am afraid that I may have allowed some of my excessive circumscribing to happen in public. I definitely do apologise for that. I will try to do better in the future. But you never know when you’re about to experience some excessive circumscribing. The best you can do is keep it limited.

I don’t know how neurotypicals work. So, you don’t feel these kinds of obsessions? These moments of intense focus? These fixations? Then, you lack passion? Are you heartless? Soulless? Or are you just weak? Are you too feeble to hold steadfast working on a project all night long? To lose touch with your sense of hunger, your need for sleep, and all contact with any other human person? My fixations may come across as strange, but to me, your lack of fixations come across as bizarre. The world is endlessly fascinating. Have you never felt that compulsion to just fully immerse yourself in a topic that allows you to forget about your physical body for just that moment in time? The body cannot hold me. I wish to absorb as much information as I can. If I could astral project, by gods, I would astral project. To decouple your consciousness from your mushy brain for just that little bit, to go soaring across the landscapes, to explore the cosmos, just free of all things corporeal, that would be swell. How terrible isn’t it, when you’re deep in research, learning all about the mystical religious practices of the long-dead hierophants of the ancient world, to be drawn back into the present by the sudden need to urinate? There is something so dreadfully mundane about possessing a human body. If only we could all be celestial beings allowed to just be without the biological needs associated with having flesh and blood and bone and bladders.

I am not religious, nor am I spiritual. I do not believe that there is an immaterial world that lies above the material. I do not believe there is an astral plane. I think that one of the terrifying things about living is knowing that we do not possess such a thing as an eternal soul, that all things are temporal, and that ultimately, we have to come to terms with that. It’s not so terrible. In some ways, the temporal nature of life can be its biggest blessing. All things must pass. Sure, that does include the good times, like that vacation you spent as a child wishing that it would never end. But it also includes the bad times. The heartbreak you feel from a failed relationship. The grief you feel after the passing of a parent. The depression some of us are burdened with. Some days are worse than others. But they too will pass. One of the remarkable things about the human body is its ability to bounce back from injury. To change and evolve in ways we sometimes find unthinkable. The brain, likewise, is transformational, capable of incredible developments. We’re not fixed in stone. We’re not eternal. Which is a good thing. It is what allows recuperation and progress. I should be thankful to my body for being there, even when I’m not. After all, isn’t your body your temple?

I am able-bodied. Am I disabled? There’s naturally a lot of questions that surround how we ought to understand mental illness or neurodiversity in regards to disability. Does autism spectrum disorder count as a disability? Well, yes, it can be considered a learning disability. It is certainly something of a handicap, you are experiencing struggles that most people don’t experience. But to your average layperson, your typical dullard who spends their time watching reality TV, drinking beer, and being happy, what counts as a disability to them? Would they see me and think I was disabled? I’m not in a wheelchair. I don’t walk with a cane. Though I will occasionally “stim,” make small repetitive moments with my hands or legs, I do not exhibit any kind of physical symptoms. If I told them that I was disabled, they’d scoff and tell me that I’m just making it up for attention. They’d say I’m probably just trying to mooch off the government, scoring welfare checks while doing nothing to contribute to society. I’ve got all my limbs. I am not sickly. I am actually quite strong, due to being a big and tall man, I am able to carry quite the load. So, I have no reason to not be a fully productive member of society, right? And yet, here I am, feeling at most times utterly perplexed by anything physical. Probably because I am just lazy, right?

I don’t think laziness is a thing. What is laziness supposed to actually be? Tiredness? If a person is perpetually tired, then they’ve likely got a sleep disorder. To call them lazy would be callous. There are plenty of overworked people that get called lazy, especially by tyrannical overseers who think of their charges as mere workhorses whose only purpose in life is to toil away in the factory until the day they die. Intolerable parents who see their terminally sullen child and instead of wondering what is making them so upset decide to deride them for their lack of ambition. Are you lazy when you are procrastinating? No you are just being a tad irresponsible, maybe, deciding to skip out on chores in order to play video games or masturbate. But you’re not just doing nothing. People generally don’t enjoy doing nothing. We need something to occupy ourselves, to fill that vacuum we all feel whenever we’re just sitting still. I am someone who appears to be comfortable just sitting still, but that’s because I’ve learned, since a very young age, to entertain myself with my own thoughts. To fantasise, to daydream, to do anything I can to escape from the void that is doing absolutely nothing. Boredom, that’s terrible. Boredom is existential dread. Of all the motivations that drive humans, love, spite, jealousy, or pride, I think the need to evade boredom is one of the most prevalent. Humans would rather experience electric shocks than sit alone in a room being bored.

I am not lazy, I am merely… excessively circumscribed. For as much as this may be a specific diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder, I think it is also a common trait amongst all humans. There will always be within us a pull to do something other than the thing that we’re really supposed to be doing, that does not make us lazy, that just makes us terrified of boredom. Sure, you know that you’re supposed to mow the lawn, but that's just so dreadfully tedious, you just would rather be working on perfecting your new stand-up comedy routine. Thinking up jokes to tell on stage is so much more stimulating than cutting grass. And who cares if your lawn grows a little wild? Lawns are a scam, imposed by fascists to make us think grass in its natural state is ugly. All grass is beautiful, whether it is cut short or it is allowed to grow long. Do the thing that fulfils you. Allow yourself to become immersed in passion, to forget about those things that hold you back, the little silly things we’ve convinced ourselves is important. Stay up late, if you wish. You’re gonna kill it on open mic night, bud!

Yes, it is a problem when your obsessions grow so singular that you forget to feed yourself. When you forget personal hygiene, when you become trapped in your own apartment looking like some feral rodent caught in a cage. Like always, the key is moderation, and I know that from time to time, you may have to entertain a boring task or two. Clean your room, brush your teeth, trim your pubic hair, try to give an impression that you are taking care of yourself. If for anyone, do it for your mother. She will be happy seeing you looking like a civilised individual, wearing clean clothes and not looking malnourished. But don’t ever chastise yourself for being lazy. Laziness is a sin that we’re all guilty of, and if we’re all guilty of it, is it really a sin? Or is it just part of what it means to be a human? To be a messy creature made out of flesh and blood and bone and the occasional bladder. In the end, I’m more happy than displeased at having a body. It’d be much harder to type on a keyboard if I didn’t have fingers.

Still, I wish I wasn’t fat.

#neurodiversity #neurodivergent #autism spectrum disorder #autism #aspergers #mental health

18 notes · View notes

coeursetcolores · 3 years

Text

What I Would Add To/Change About: Psychonauts

Howdy! Today is April 19th, and if you don’t know what game came out today, then why don’t you try and read my mind to find out? Go ahead!

So what’s your answer?

...

Why yes, it was Psychonauts! Way to go, you just earned a merit badge, cadet!

...What do you mean you just read the title?!

Anyway, for those of you who know, Psychonauts is a beloved cult classic that unfortunately received not that much mainstream attention, which is such a shame because I loved playing this game! I’ll admit there’s some problems, but I had such a psi-blast playing it, I didn’t really mind! That being said...

I’m still gonna talk about the problems.

This is all just my own personal opinion and if you disagree with me, that’s perfectly okay! If you’d like to talk about a point I made, please let me know, but please try to respect my opinion as I respect yours.

Well, without further ado, let’s open that Psycho-portal!

SPOILERS AHEAD!

As usual, first let’s get out all the things I absolutely ADORED about this game!

The. Voice. Acting. I cannot say enough how much detail went into dialogue and performances, you just have to listen to it. I was talking to/inspecting as many people/things as I could and seeing what dialogues were available when I switched things out. I probably spent more time doing that than actually playing the game! Definitely Richard Horvitz’s best work in my opinion!

The environments. This game is a mixed-up feast for the eyes and the level design is the main course. Things can go from the nice and simple Whispering Pines to the breathtaking and colorful Black Velvetopia to the utter lunacy and ominousness of the Milkman Conspiracy. It’s a masterpiece in artistic expression.

The Milkman Conspiracy. My gosh, this level deserves all the hype it gets. I really wish it hadn’t been spoiled for me, but even then it’s just such a trip that I can’t mind it that much. Also, Steve Blum!

The character design may not be the most aesthetically pleasing, but it fits the messed up and wacky world of the game to a T.

JUMPING!!!!!!

The puzzles can get frustrating (especially at a certain final level whose name shall not be said in respect of those still recovering from it) but they’re really fun to experiment with and find ways to move ahead in.

I really enjoyed Raz as a protagonist. He wasn’t too moody or obnoxious and he was necessarily sassy when he needed to be. He was also really relatable, being a kid who felt ostracized at home and didn’t understand why his father wouldn’t let him do what he wanted. And he was just so nice in spite of how upset he was at his family situation while still being determined to accomplish his dreams and help people. And even when he reached the asylum, it never felt like he was going into anyone’s mind as a means to an end, he genuinely wanted to help these people along with the campers. Also, he’s a total fanboy geek and that’s awesome!

As fast as it happened, the romance between Raz and Lili was really sweet and cute and I’m glad it didn’t lessen their characters or take away too much from the story. It was definitely two kids going through their first puppy love.

I also really liked Raz being nice to Dogen. Their scenes together were just sweet!

All the different abilities were so cool to use and the different types of enemies encourages you to switch things up on the fly which keeps gameplay from getting stale as you progress.

Underneath all of the trippy sequences in the levels there’s a solid moral that not everyone can deal with their mental issues by themselves and sometimes you need someone else to step in and help, and I appreciate that kind of message. Even with all of their eccentricities, the mentally ill are people too and even if you can’t fix their problems like Raz can they still deserve basic compassion and understanding.

With all that being said, I feel like the game could have used a few more things.

ADD:

I really wish Raz got a new look for every mental world like he did in Black Velvetopia.

The game should have been stretched out over more than just one day. It would have given more time to expand upon certain plot elements and develop the characters more, as well as make Raz’s psychic growth a little more believable. I know that the plot kind of relied on Raz only having a day to do everything, but it just made him seem like of a Mary Sue learning all that in one day.

I feel like the game should have explained some things more. I get that video games shouldn’t hold your hand too much and they should be a challenge, but some things took FOREVER to learn the right button for.

A tracker for emotional baggage? I couldn’t find it all.

Maybe make the other counselors seem suspicious so it’s not so easy to single out Coach Oleander as the villain?

Add some side quests around camp to help the other campers: Stand up to Bobby, talk Crystal and Clem out of suicide, show Mikhail he’s being used and knock some sense into Maloof, get a show for Phoebe and Quentin’s band going, and help Dogen control his powers, etc. I feel like they really could have expanded Part 1 at camp more.

Maybe add some flashbacks of Raz’s family life before he ran away to help the audience see through his eyes and understand his thought process better.

More fights with the Nightmares would have been cool. The scrapped plot about them escaping from Milla’s mind and abducting kids while they didn’t have their brains would have been a cool subplot. Or they could have come from the kids themselves or Oleander. I just think they had more potential.

Dr. Loboto boss fight (I did not play Rhombus of Ruin, I don’t do VR!)!

I’d kind of want to see Raz’s dad arrive at camp and how he got to where all the action was. Maybe some scenes of him getting there too to really make the player feel just how little time they have.

A scene of Ford Cruller getting up to go help out and save everyone?

Alright, now it’s time to get to the ugly!

CHANGE:

Oh my gosh, ARREST COACH OLEANDER! I know he was genuinely remorseful and the Psitanium might have had a hand in it and he was unfairly rejected from every branch of the United States army for his height, but that doesn’t change the fact that he lobotomized an entire camp full of children, attempted to murder one, built psychic death tanks, mutated and brainwashed a peaceful fish, brainwashed an asylum patient into covering his tracks through arson without regards to the residents of the asylum, kidnapped and lobotomized two colleagues whom he then tried to kill, hired DR. LOBOTO and tried to take over the world. At least have the guy monitored and put under probation, geez!

Change the rules of the race in Milla’s Dance Party so you DON’T have to win! I don’t care if I lose, I just want to move on already! This is not a racing game!

LESS. FIGMENTS.

I honestly don’t know what to say about the **** ****** except HAVE OLLIE STAY PUT AT THE TOP SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT KEEPING HIS BUNNY-LOVING HIDE ALIVE!!!!!

Maybe the Two-Headed Dad Monster could have been more challenging at the end? As I’ve said, I am not a gameplay expert, but that final boss fight was really easy, and not in a satisfying way. Then again, you did just have to play through the **** ******...

And, that’s about it, I really don’t have much to complain about. Psychonauts is a super fun game and I highly recommend it. It’s colorful and explores heavy themes with respect and humor while going hand in hand with interesting gameplay and plenty of likable characters. There are no dull moments, I genuinely enjoyed this game greatly. I wish more people had given it a chance when it first came out and we could have gotten the sequel sooner, because I am honestly super nervous about it living up to the first. This is nothing on Tim Schafer and Double Fine, I just don’t have high expectations for a sequel made and released after ten years of radio silence as a rule. But, who knows?

Maybe they’ll go in and change my mind.

#What I Would Add to/Change About...#Psychonauts #Criticism #Praise #My Silly Personal Opinion

11 notes · View notes

filmmakerdreamst · 4 years

Text

‘Boy Meets World’ Re-watch (as an Adult)

‘Girl Meets World’ doesn’t count as a sequel. Not because of the writing/tonal choices but because in the original show - despite continuity issues - the characters felt like real people e.g. the way they spoke/acted/dressed was the way people behaved in the 90s where as in the spin off, they were Disney characters e.g. hyper versions of themselves especially Cory and Eric. And the transition between both shows didn’t come naturally. It’s not an objectivity badly written show but it was pretty much a re-do of the old show with the same storylines/tropes without continuing the story. (I say the same thing about ‘The Incredibles’. vs ‘Incredibles 2’.) Also there were too many cooks in the kitchen pushing one way or another. You could see Micheal Jacobs style, all the aspects were there, but he was also creating a ‘DISNEY’ show at the same time. I don’t know about you but the one message I took from the original show was ‘finding out that life cannot be packenged into a lovely little present ’ which kind of contradicts everything that the new show is. If anything GMW is an AU universe (and it really felt like that, rewatching it right after BMW e.g. it felt flipped) almost like Disney’s version of ‘what happened next?’ The primal difference between both shows is BMW is portraying what is real and GMW is based on what is real.

Going off my point, I will however be always thankful that it exists because I probably wouldn’t of found out about ‘Boy Meets World’ otherwise. Although saying that, I never thought that the original show needed a continuation of any kind (a lot of things make sense about the spin off if you acknowledge that Disney requested it - I think it would of been much better off on its original platform) ‘Boy Meets World’ was very much a product of its time i.e. when tv shows were still relevetivley new and had no rules - like there is stuff in there that not even adult shows today have. Plus there was something about it that felt very personal (such as the characters and setting) as if the creator based it on his own childhood growing up and I think that was part of its charm and why it had such a big effect on pop culture - I’m not so sure you can repeat that.

BMW is big on meta I’ll tell you that. I love how it’s so aware of itself. The amount of depth that it has never ceases to amaze me. It’s whole universe is so dense and huge. Every quote/storyline is so unique it sticks in your brain forever. (I swear the humour got more and more deranged every season). The show was also incredibly queer and progressive. It didn’t give a crap about sexuality. Much more than I remember. Proof to never use ‘but it was made in the 90s’ excuse.

I loved how the show kept reinventing itself every season as Cory grew up so you really felt you were growing up with him and all the characters. The Character Development on this show was so natural/authentic. Every single character got a chance to shine. No one changed their look in one episode and no one had an intervention every time someone had an identity crisis (GMW) My favourite development was Shawn Hunter. He went from a cool kid to a ladies man to a poetic soul. It was so satisfying to watch.

I realised that Cory Matthews is actually my favourite character (before it was Eric or Shawn) I already have a special soft spot for ‘annoying’ characters because they tend to be the most memorable/real. For example, Karma Ashcroft from ‘Faking it’ was my babe while everyone was hating on her. I really related to his anxiety/self hatred about being average and I loved that he constantly made mistakes. It was very refreshing. He’s also incredibly queer-coded. I found that alot of his mannerisms make sense if you see him with extreme compulsory heterosexuality (because identity’s such as bisexual or gay couldn’t exist normally in the 90s) There are moments in the show where he literally mimics his best friend’s behaviour around girls e.g. when the class pretty much gets brainwashed by the sex ed video in ‘Boy Meets Girl’ Shawn gets asked out by a girl, making Cory jealous - which pushes him to ask out Topanga.

It’s funny how a few years of life experience can change perspectives completely because when I was sixteen (aka the same age as Cory and Topanga) watching BMW for the first time, I was mad at Amy for ‘not understanding that they were in love’ (in ‘A Walk to Pittsburg’) but now that I’m older I’m actually agreeing with her. Yeah, what do they know about love? Because all season long they were acting quite superficially.

Cory and Topanga became somewhat of a toxic couple in seasons 5 -7. Reminded me of my parents relationship because my mum gave up her chosen university to be closer to my dad and they aren’t together any more. Topanga’s love for Cory was very conditional and Cory cheated on her multiple times/openly begged for sex (Again like my parents) And you should never be in a relationship with someone who makes you say “You make me think not so very much of myself” There are arguably much more signs of emotional abuse than love in their relationship especially from Topanga’s side. Plus their story was altered so many times to give it more basis (they retconned Shawn and Cory’s friendship to do this) I could write an essay on how Kevin and Winnie’s love story on ‘The Wonder Years’ is much more believable because it actually addresses how toxic it was and they grow apart in the end. If GMW was a realistic continuation, they would be divorced with a little girl - leave them in the 90s where they belong.

Alan and Amy were couple goals! Cory and Topanga wish that they could have what they have. Literally the definition of ‘a healthy relationship on tv that keeps thriving and over coming obstacles without big drama’. Best TV parents ever.

I loved the Matthews family; how they all had individual arcs and developments of their own. One of my favourite arcs was in season 5, when Eric and Cory were both jealous of what they ‘didn’t have’ with their dad, so Alan made an effort to give them both that they needed. Honestly, I had never seen so much healthy communication on TV before. Alan is the best father around. His whole personal arc of giving up managing a supermarket because he wasn’t passsionate about it anymore and buying a mountain store was so inspired. I found it funny that the family had more of a relationship with Shawn than Topanga.

Shawn Hunter never caught a break. It got a bit tiring. He was never allowed to be happy for five minutes. Every time he laughed or smiled, 5 years were added onto my lifespan. Why didn’t Johnathan Turner adopt him? I loved their dynamic. Why did he let him go back to his abusive father who just dumped him anyway?

Jack and Shawn’s complicated dynamic was possibly the most unique/interesting arc of the entire show and no one talks about it. I don’t care what y’all say - despite them being very different, Jack was the only one who fully took care of Shawn without second thoughts (Turner and the Matthews family had doubts)

I liked Shawn and Angela. I thought they were much better suited than Cory and Topanga. I honestly wouldn’t of minded if they ended up together even though I always had a feeling they wouldn’t. (Like I’m glad she went with her dad in the end) And considering how important they were as a interracial couple in the 90s, GMW handled that very poorly.

Shawn and Cory should of ended up together. And before you come at me with ‘it’s important to have m/m friendships without toxic masculinity’ (which is an important arguement to have) - yeah no shit there’s an entire Industry based around that/pitting women against each other. While it is important to have those friendships between men that are close and even intimate (take Chandler and Joey, Schmidt and Nick, Isak and Jonas and Jake and Charles for example) there was also another layer to their relationship which the narrative played off sometimes as them “going out” or “in love”. I actually recently found out that a writer - who came into the show in season 3 - confirmed that she wrote gay undertones into their relationship on purpose ‘In my opinion as a writer, they thought they were “straight”, they both didn’t realise or understand their feelings for eachother’ but couldn’t deliever because the producers wanted to keep the show “kid friendly”. Kind of like Xena and Gabby. I know people prefer Jack & Eric (I love them as well) but everything got ruined for me as soon as they introduced the ‘love triangle’ and I always tend to prefer emotional tension over sexual. They were just so unconditional with each other/ their friendship was so good and healthy and now I’m so bitter that it never happened.

I never understood why Shawn and Cory had to stop being best friends after he got married. He’s not Topanga’s property. I always hated how Topanga tried to interrupt/interfere with their dynamic — although now I realise it was because the two of them purposely left her out. Looking back at it, If it really was just a intimate friendship then why would she get so easily jealous if she didn’t sense there was something else deeper going on? You should never marry someone who puts you second.

I didn’t like Topanga when she was with Cory (or vice versa) Especially after they got married. She was a great character on her own. Feminist before her time. Hermione Granger before her time. I always felt she deserved a lot better than him in a way e.g. if someone I considered a friend speard a rumour around high school that we slept together - I would never speak to that person again. SHE SHOULD OF GONE TO YALE GOD DAMN IT. And as someone pointed out the other day, if the roles were reversed some of the stuff she does or says to Cory would be considered domestic violence. ‘She’s always blaming Cory on shit that isn't even his fault or makes him feel bad or shuts down his emotions and turns it around so he's comforting her instead.’ There was even a moment in GMW (not that I consider that show a continuation) where she locks him out the house for a few days after he insulted her chicken, and his son Auggie had to bring him spaghetti. If Cory was a woman, that would not be played off as a joke - that would be considered abuse. They were however a better couple in GMW ironically.

Angela Moore is now one of my favourite characters on BMW. She was beautiful. Her friendship with Rachel (and Topanga) was the best. And I frickin’ loved her and Cory’s friendship development - when they could of easily not played into that. I hate that she got villiaized in GMW.

My favourite seasons are 4, 5 & 1. My least favourites are 3 & 2 & 7. And even then the show was still pretty darn good.

The back and fourth clash between Turner and Mr Feeny in season 2 was very entertaining.

Mr Feeny and Eric are my favourite relationship on ‘Boy Meets World’. I love how Eric was the only person that Feeny directly told that he loved him. Also, why didn’t Eric become the new Mr Feeny? He showed more traits of becoming a teacher in the show than Cory did.

Eric and Tommy was probably the most heartbreaking plot line in season 6. (That season was an emotional train wreck) I cried for a fourth time. The world doesn’t deserve him.

I loved the development of Shawn and Topanga’s friendship. Even though there was a silent competition over Cory, they eventually became good friends. I found out that the song ‘She will be loved’ was inspired by them which is awesome but it’s also proof that people ship for less if it’s an m/f dynamic - just sayin’. I however see a more convincing potiental romance with the two of them than Cory and Topanga sometimes.

On Cory and Topanga again - they weren’t a bad couple overall. I liked them in s1 - 3. They had some great moments. But upon my rewatch (getting out of that 90s idealised headspace) I found them to be too similar at times - chafing as another person put it - to the point where they cancel each other out. A lot of people pointed out that Riley and Maya paralleled them and I was thinking “That’s not nesserily a good thing.”

‘Dream. Try. Do good.’ is on my mantelpiece.

202 notes · View notes

xseildnasterces · 3 years

Text

just like fire.

I’ve done nothing today. I’ve been so unwell the last few days that I decided to take today off sick. I called the doctors and tried to arrange an appointment with the specialist, but they didn’t have an appointment until 20 November!!! I cannot wait that long. I’m ill now and need help now. I was told to message my nurse and tell her that I need to have an appointment sooner, so I have sent her an email and I shall now await a response. I cannot stay in this state until the end of November. If I don’t get help before then I might very well have shrivelled up and died or lost so much blood that I am severely anaemic. I’m still really worried and I am constantly concerned about the need for a colonoscopy. However, I think I have accepted that that is what is needed, and I just need to get it booked and find out exactly what is going on. Hey, I might even find out which type of IBD I have, or if I do indeed have both as suspected by my nurse. Lucky me!

I physically didn’t leave the apartment building today. I sat in front of the TV and coloured in. It was relaxing and helped with my stress and anxiety, that was until my dad called and told me that they had missed their flight. I cannot express the amount of stress that caused me. My parents had booked a holiday way back in 2019 for 2020. Of course, the pandemic hit, and the holiday was pushed to 2021. Despite neither of them really feeling safe going abroad right now, they didn’t want to lose the money they had spent on the booking. It makes me sad as they don’t have a lot of money and they had purposely booked in advance right back in 2019 because they wanted to save a little money, but anyway, they missed their flight and called to tell me and see if I could help. Unfortunately, there were no more flights today and they couldn’t really afford to pay for more flights. I offered to buy them as their Christmas gift (because they wouldn’t accept it otherwise), but because of my dad’s clinical anxiety it was easier for him to just get back in the car and drive home. I guess living so far from the airport was also part of the problem. It was hard to listen to my mum really upset on the phone, and hearing my dad, who surprisingly wasn’t going mental and instead just seemed really upset and stressed. I could tell him anxiety was peaking and the whole thing just caused me so much stress that my stomach was filled with knots and was giving me all the stress that I had been trying so hard to avoid. Stress is such a huge trigger for me and my IBD, so that really didn’t help. I haven’t spoken to my mum since she got home, but she said she will call me tomorrow. I just feel sad for them. They had waited so long for this and spent a lot of money so I can understand their upset and frustration, especially considering the reason for missing their flight was not their fault and was completely out of their control. I just feel so sad for them and yeah, stressed.

Other than that, I had group today. The group has changed over the last few months. One of the guys I felt I connected quite well with left and that was sad and stressful in itself. A new girl joined and although at first, I wasn’t sure how comfortable I felt with her she has really grown on me and I enjoy seeing her there. I spoke very little today. I felt stressed and I felt genuinely physically uncomfortable so I just sort of sat there and listened. If I am totally honest, I didn’t even listen that much the whole time. I just wasn’t in the mood, nor was I with it. I had individual yesterday and we discussed some of my biggest fears – death, getting old, and the unknown. All of this came from discussing my IBD and how I was feeling about it. I expressed my worries and concerns and how my mind always goes to the worst possible outcome – despite the fact you cannot actually die from IBD, but you can due from complications from it or from other diseases or illness’ that can be easier to catch when you suffer from a weakened immune system.

I’m wondering when I will get my third covid shot. The boosters are starting to get rolled out here to people who are extremely vulnerable, and due to my weakened immune system, it may not be long before I get my third one. I’m ready for it whenever! In the last year I have had so many vaccines! Both covid jabs, two HVP vaccines (1 more to go in November), and my flu jab which is now probably also ready for renewal. Hoping that this will aid me in my weakened immune state, especially considering I will probably find myself working in the office consistently until I go home a Christmas.

We currently have a super long weekend off. No work tomorrow, no work Friday and no work on Monday. Originally, I was supposed to be going away with H, M and F, but due to the tropical storms, hurricanes, my flare, and M’s work commitments we are no longer going. I think that’s maybe a good thing – even if I am a little disappointed, however, if we had gone, I would have pushed myself and probably ended up feeling even more unwell. We are still planning to meet up and have some day trips. Today I had such a great video chat with C and H and F joined and she was so happy to see me it was adorable. She has certainly had a wee growth spurt since I last saw her. I cannot believe how much her speech has progressed and how grown up she looked. I loved chatting to her, and it really did cheer me up.

The creepy guy from down the corridor is at it again. I honestly do not know what else I can do to make him leave me alone. I’m am genuinely scared to leave my apartment sometimes because the worry of bumping into him is real. I saw him yesterday. I was in the elevator last night and he pressed the button to stop it going up so he could come in. He didn’t recognise me at first with my mask on, but I knew it was him right away. He asked if we were on the same floor and then it clicked, and he realised it was me. He asked how long I had been back from the UK and I told him I had just got back, and I was currently quarantining…. AND THEN, AND THEN, he said, ‘oh well that explains it, I had been coming round and knocking on your door and no one has been answering’. I froze and didn’t really know what to say. Why is he knocking on my door? I said yes, I had been back in the UK for a couple of months and then walked away as quickly as I could. It was just so typical that today when I literally left my apartment for two second to go and collect a package from downstairs that as I was entering the lift he was exiting. He tried talking to me and again pressed the button to open the lift, so it didn’t go down. He asked how quarantining was going and I just said fine and pressed the button again. I was so full of anxiety I didn’t even want to go back upstairs in case I saw him again and found myself fast walking down the corridor back to my apartment. I wish guys would just get the message. I honestly cannot ever imagine a girl acting like that – not at all. I just hate it so much. I hate that I feel uncomfortable in my own apartment building. This is where I live, and I should not feel uncomfortable here. I need someone to come stay in my apartment and tell him to go away and leave me alone.

Last night I woke in the middle of the night – just like it seems everyone else in the DMV area did (there are even memes about it)! There was the most insane thunderstorm. The thunder woke me and the whole room was flashing from the lightening. It I wasn’t trying to sleep I would have loved to watch it. It has been stormy again today, and I imagine it will continue into the evening. This is the remnants of the tropical storms and everything that has been occurring in the South. At least we are lucky enough to not be dealing with the same tragedies and they are there.

[Blog title: Just Like Fire - P!nk].

#just like fire #pink #p!nk #me #update #life update #diary #thought #emotions #thoughts #feelings #feeling #emotion #stress #lgbt #pride #love #gay #journal #health #ill #ibd #illness #unwell

3 notes · View notes

tranquility2021 · 3 years

Text

BertChen's Proposal

PBert Chen

Texts: 585-406-9140

Email:[email protected]

Memento

What’s needed for the film:

Digital camera

Many, Many found objects

Pipe Organ performance and recording

Photography & Stop motion animation technique

Medium:

This project will be in Digital film form.

Installation:

This project will be viewed using a digital projector.

Aesthetic:

This will be a heavy, grim, and discouraging film. As we venture deep into the timeline, the crazier the story will be. Audiences will experience similar emotions as our non-existing protagonists. The use of pipe organs will further enhance such experience and encourages the audiences to enter the protagonists’ mentality.

Theme:

Depressing, Dark, Heavy, Bloody

Proposal:

This project aims to tell a story through a series of found objects, by combining and animating them, creating a continuous timeline that shows the experience and mental process these two souls underwent in the world occupied with Covid-19.

It has been almost been two years since the world was engulfed by the SARS-CoV-2 virus. I and I believe most people have forgotten what our lives were like in the pre-COVID times. It makes me think - what changed us? It cannot only be the virus, things that are much heavier, and serious, have taken a toll on us all. Our health, our mind, and our life has changed drastically. This change - is the theme I want to explore in this film.

Through the use of found objects, I aim to create a continuous story timeline that includes two young souls’ experiences through the COVID era, beginning in the early 2020 - which was when the virus first to appear in the United States and end in the mid-2021, when life in COVID has become normality. Out protagonists will tell us about their crazy home-coming story, how they overcame the crazy flight over the Pacific Ocean; The life under real difficult quarantine; how do they meet; how do they become friends; how do they cherish this friendship under COVID; and how do they separate and left the story with tragedy. All of these will be demonstrated with real-life objects that were acquired from our protagonists and implanted using stop motion animations. By demonstrating these items that actually underwent this story brings truth into this project, and gives it a sense of reality - by not having actors to recreate those experiences.

One great reference could be “My dead dad’s Porno tape” by Charlie Tyrell.

Moodboard

Progress Update 14/Sep/2021:

Story & Script development (Work in progress)

Meeting with the music composer, discussion/brainstorm music scoring ideas for the project.

calling for crew members and meeting with my cinematographers.

Progress Update 21/sep/2021

Meeting with composer

Progress Update 28/sep/2021

Nothing to report

Progress Update 5/Oct/2021

Collected enough found objects to start the shooting process, including many documents and photos from that period of time. Also, I am planning to include a few found video footages which I consumed repeatedly during that time.

Progress Update 12/Oct/2021

Collected More found footages of various forms, collected some electronic documents which resembles the things that happened. Testing with the iPhone camera.

Progress Update 19/Oct/2021

While I was collecting found objects, I felt that part of myself had withered and perished, like if I continue digging up my past, Which I intended not to remember, they will eventually vanish for real. I revisited these footages, photos, documents, letters, messages, and the more I looked at them, the stranger they became, Like if that part of my life never happened. I did not stop my hunt for memories though, I wanted to capture this feeling and translate them into cinema form, and combining with the adaptation I made to the project earlier this semester, Here is a short demo of how this project (vaguely) will look like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25CiYQOIk-8

I separate each image/video/document/screenshot/ into pieces and show only one part of the footage at a time while continuously playing the videos. By doing this, I hope to create the feeling that "we can only revisit our memory in broken pieces, only one moment at a time, but will never see it whole as it was again."

And here is my what found footage collection (part of) looks so far, I will arrange them in Chronological order, based on my incomplete memories. This collection will continue to expand throughout the semester:

And here is part of my microscopic photos shots:

Note that all these collections will grow throughout the remaining of the semester, as I continue to fine more and more pieces of myself during that time.

Next weekend, I will go to Boston to shoot some real-life footage for this project to represent parts of my memories that are not yet vanished. After next week's shoot, I will enter the post-production stage, which this project relies heavily upon.

In terms of Music, I have ditched the pipe organ concept, and now is working with two musicians to create the score for this project. The vibe of the music will be similar to RADWIMPS's work in Makoto Shinkai's "Your Name" and "Weathering With You."

BTW, Yesterday's cloud looks gorgeous!

26/OCT/2021

Received the first composition draft from my composers, provided feedbacks for revision. Working with a third musician to write the Japanese Lyrics.

2/NOV/2021

Received the second draft of the music score (first arrangement pass) from my composer, provided feedbacks, and is now working on adding in vocals.

Did a small revision on the edit and is working on creating an animate template which can shorten the animation time while achieving the same result.

Starting this week, extensive editing work will carry on.

Rough Draft:

https://youtu.be/EYXdlnR2Zpw

9/NOV/2021

Roughly 40% of the editing was done.

16/NOV2021

NO NEED FOR WORDS, TODAY IS THE DAY.

Premiere literally crushed over 300 times during my editing process on this project, not joking.

Here is the link: https://youtu.be/bIbFQc7LKyM\

23NOV/2021

Implemented some changes based on the comments from last week, redid the final credit sequence.

Here is the link:https://youtu.be/Sq5HUfqLtHI

30/NOV/2021

End of Class review: https://youtu.be/ToUaVJ_zU4w

1 note · View note

akitokihojo · 4 years

Text

Delicate - Chapter 7

Inuyasha sighed out, a barely-visible puff of air appearing before his face as he walked along the length of the gate outside of the schoolyard. He felt abnormally exhausted this morning, and like anyone, he blamed it on the fact that it was Monday, the clouds were dreary, and he may have been up late playing video games. He had a chemistry test this afternoon, and he could only hope to wake up a little more by then to properly focus.

He’d caught her scent just before entering the building, his attention blindly following his nose as his eyes scoured the grounds for her. She wasn’t that far off, standing in a misshapen circle with Sango and three other girls, one of them enthusiastically telling a story that had the lot of them giggling. That smile, the rosy color of her cheeks, the way the tip of her nose was a light shade of pink from the chill of their morning, it was all like a buzz of caffeine for him. The more he watched, the more he listened to the melody of her laugh, the lighter he began to gradually feel.

Kagome was wearing black tights beneath her charcoal uniform skirt this morning as opposed to the knee-high socks she usually opted for, sparing her legs from the small nip in the air. Over her white button up, she donned a dark, knitted sweater, the baggy sleeves shielding her fingers. But, her neck wasn’t covered. Sure, her hair was worn down, waving over her shoulders in their natural order, but what good was that compared to something literally manufactured to keep heat in? The dummy was just asking for a cold. Whatever combatant thought that formulated in his head deliberately went ignored as he turned away from the building to walk toward her, a horrible fluttering expanding throughout his abdomen. Sango’s gaze met him first as he approached, then Kagome’s as the group of girls’ chatter died off into a curious and muddled silence. God, he didn’t think there was anything capable of rivaling the annoying sensation in his stomach at the moment, but when she smiled wider at him as he stopped just a foot or two before her, his heart gave a thunderous pound that he worried would wound his ribcage. His cheeks went hot, then his nose, then the remainder of his face, and the thought of his evident blush only made him heat up furthermore. Her greeting was soft and happy, bringing him to huff out, his jaw clenching, and his amber eyes drifting off to the side. As planned, Inuyasha removed the muffler from his neck, untwisting it so he could hand it over. From his peripherals, he gathered that she was confused, not immediately taking it from him, so he decidedly did the damn job himself before he ended up spontaneously combusting from flames of embarrassment. Carefully, the hanyou looped it behind her neck, twisted, then looped it again so it bunched properly to keep her warm, her raven hair billowed beneath.

She was staring up at him with large eyes, her pink lips pinching together then growing into a shy and appreciative smile. Son of a bitch, she was fucking cute.

He walked away, heading toward the entrance of the building without a single word, and Kagome’s blush maddened as her friends made hushed and cheery noises at what had just happened.

“So, what? Are you guys together now?”

“When did you two even become a thing?”

“Wasn’t that Inuyasha? I’ve never seen him not mad.”

“Nah, he still looked mad. Just a flustered sort of mad.”

“And to think just a couple days ago you were worried.” Sango teased.

“Yeah, but y-you know happened.” Kagome said, feeling like she was standing under an intense spotlight.

“Uh, we don’t!” Eri stated, bringing the attention back to them. “Hello, hi. Details, please.”

“Oh, look at the time.” Kagome pulled back the sleeve of her left hand to look at the invisible watch along her wrist, beginning to walk backward toward their school building. “I need to - I’ve gotta - I mean, class is starting soon, so yeah. Bye.”

Sango laughed, waving and knowing full and well that her friend was heading to catch up with her favored half demon.

“I don’t suppose you’ll tell us?”

“Sorry, guys.” She shrugged, smiling. “The best friend privilege is knowing, and the code is not spilling business that isn’t mine to spill.”

Kagome wandered over to his locker in the third row, spotting him just as he closed the small, metal door. He glanced over, his eyes never leaving her as she sauntered his way, and though his cheeks continued to reveal some of his timidness, a soft smile on his lips further ignited the spark between them.

“I don’t need it back if that’s what you’re about to ask.”

“Not yet, anyway.”

“After school. Keep it until then.”

“I actually came to walk with you. If that’s okay?”

“You don’t need to ask, dummy.” Inuyasha replied, though there was the hint of tension in his tone. He gave a notch of his head to lead the way, shoving his hands into his pant pockets to appear as casual as possible. She walked at his side, just as close as they’d walked on Saturday night, and he found it to be a source of comfort. Progressively, his preservation melted away with her warmth, wanting less to hide his affection behind a barricade and wanting more to give it to her so she’d always smile like she had before.

“So, uh, how’d you do on your last math test?” He asked as they began their ascent up the stairs and to the second floor where their classes were.

“Oh, I totally forgot! I meant to show you!” Kagome opened her book bag at her side, pulling out the quiz after wiggling it free from between two notebooks. She held it out, positively beaming and excited for him to see her accomplishment.

Inuyasha took in the “B” next to her name before taking the paper into his grip, a smile of his own forming as his pride for her swelled. “This is the best one yet! Soon you’re not even gonna need my help.”

“I don’t know about that.” She quickly countered, a little nervous at the sound of losing any easy opportunity to see him outside of school. “I still struggle a bit. And, I mean, you do call me a dummy.”

“Not as an insult.” He chuckled, handing the test back to her so she could shove it back into her bag.

“It originated for a reason, and then just became an endearment of sorts.”

“I don’t think you’re dumb.” Inuyasha said, still smiling. He glanced at her, noticing the uncertainty in her eyes, shielded behind a small grin. Was she looking for validation? He felt something click in him, like he didn’t actually need to question what she wanted. The quick rebut she’d served just a moment ago to his comment, the look she was giving, the warm sensation building in his chest - it made it easy not to second guess his intuition. This was an understanding he’d been privileged to receive from being with her so often, from falling in love. Not a part of him desired to resist what surprisingly and so simply came to him right now, the back of his hand grazing her knuckles until he hooked one of her fingers with his own. They both stopped walking, and he pulled her closer by another inch. “Relax. I’m not going anywhere; we’ll still study together. Maybe you’ll even end up tutoring me.”

“Doubtful.” Kagome muttered with a shy smile, her finger gently clutching his in return.

“Which part?”

“Me tutoring you.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He chuckled, her responding giggle like a gift. The bell rang and he knew the halls were about to get busy as everyone filtered through to class. He took the opportunity he had, never letting go of her finger. “Tomorrow? I’ll walk you home and we can study.”

“Okay.” She nodded, smiling.

Using his free hand, Inuyasha twirled some strands of her hair around his finger, ones that were short, and framed her jaw, and weren’t held captive by the muffler like the rest of it all still was. “Come on, dummy.” He grinned, leading her to her class with a yank on her finger.

—

Sango puffed out her cheeks in a mock pout, standing by a tree with her arms crossed over her chest after school. “Call me repetitive, but I still cannot believe you’re ditching me for a boy today.”

“You’re repetitive.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m not even ditching you,” Kagome laughed. “I said he’d be walking with us. You’re the one who chose to walk home alone.”

“Excuse me, look me in the eyes and tell me I’m third wheel material. I dare you.”

She laughed a little harder from her best friend’s dramatic exasperation. “He’s walked with us before, Sango! It’s just like every other time.”

“Bull and baloney! The last time he walked with us was before you guys got over the majority of your romantic constipation.” Sango ignored the weird look that took over Kagome’s expression, proceeding on with her argument without hesitance. “Things are better now, you’ve both gotten a clue - thank god - and moves are being made. When he said he wanted to walk you home, he meant he wanted to walk you home. Therefore, if I tag along until we hit my route, he’s gonna be uncomfortable up until then and I’m gonna be the cockblock.”

“What? Not even!”

“Oh, yeah.”

“So, you’re just gonna avoid us forever now? This is it? Whenever Inuyasha wants to come with, you’re out?” Kagome grinned, leaning her head to the side in a playful challenge.

“No, of course not. Not forever. When you guys are in an established relationship - and by established, I mean passed the mushy crap - then I’ll make my return. Maybe even sooner if I land myself a stud, because then I wouldn’t be a third wheel.” Sango shrugged.

“You’ve got one guy in mind that can’t even talk to you passed ‘hello,’ so that could take a while.”

“See you on the flip side, my main gal.”

“You realize then that this isn’t me choosing a guy over you, but you choosing your pride over everything?”

“You bet, but I’m still blaming you.”

“You know what? I’m gonna do you a favor.” Kagome cocked a brow, her smile shifting into one of deviousness.

“What? No, wait. No. I know that look, and I hate it. What are you gonna do?” Sango’s face twisted in suspicion, her brows furrowing deeply as Kagome turned about, seemingly searching the school grounds. She had a sinking feeling in her chest as a scheme had obviously just popped into Kagome’s head, and who had she just mentioned? Bad, not good, very bad. “Kay, I swear to Zeus if you -“

“Oh, there they are!” Kagome beamed, practically skipping her way over to the pair of far-off boys.

“I have no best friend!” Sango hissed, quickly ducking herself to hide behind the tree.

Inuyasha’s golden stare transferred from his friend to her as she approached, the plain expression he held while Miroku talked changing to a gentle grin. He notched his head in a silent greeting while his friend finished his sentence.

“Hi. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” She apologized, stopping before them, a little closer to Inuyasha than in the center.

“Nothing to worry about.” Miroku kindly dismissed. “Since you’re here, let me ask you something: Do you prefer me with or without the rattail? I need a lady’s perspective.”

“Oh, god no, definitely without.” Kagome answered a little too quickly, giving a small grimace when she realize how rude it could have come off, especially as Inuyasha stifled his snorted laugh. “I mean, it’s your choice, of course! I just think the style is a bit outdated. And, this shorter cut suits you much better. Were you thinking of growing it back?”

“Wow. Not anymore.” Miroku blinked, pinching his lips into a tight line.

“Thank you.” Inuyasha boasted, like he’d finally gotten his way. He gave another small nod to Kagome, gesturing in the direction of the gate. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Hang on, I have a question.” She said, stopping Inuyasha before he could lead her off. She looked over at his friend, watching him go from feigned defeat to slightly curious when he realized it was for him. “I’m sorry if this is none of my business, but do you mind if I be a little upfront for a moment and ask how you feel about Sango?”

“Oh god, you’re gonna break him.” Inuyasha murmured beside her.

“No, I promise I won’t tell her anything. I’m just wondering.” Kagome assured.

“You mean, I haven’t made it painstakingly obvious?” Miroku asked monotonously, his grin devoid of any real emotion.

“So, you like her?”

“Something like that.”

“Why haven’t you asked her out?”

“Remember that time, a few months ago, when I stopped you guys on your way home from school?”

“Yeah.”

“I was going to try and get her number then. I had a classic pickup line planned and everything, and yet the only thing that came out of my mouth was her name. I can’t function around her. I panic around her. I freeze, I sputter, and I shave a few years off my life every time I’m around her. You see my problem?”

“Okay, you’re not good with girls. It’s fine, you’ve gotta start some-“

“I’m fantastic with girls, you take that back!” Miroku retorted defensively.

“Really? You can actually claim that right now?” Kagome earnestly asked.

“You really think you have the room to talk when you two still aren’t even dating?” Miroku chided, pointing to both Inuyasha and Kagome. He didn’t even have time to flinch before Inuyasha slugged him in the arm, his pained groan gurgled and deep. “Okay, withdrawn!” He clutched the offended spot, respectfully ignoring Kagome’s embarrassment as he continued speaking to buffer the awkwardness. “Look, there’s just something about her that fucks me up. Little-by-little, I’m talking! I’m getting better! I’m growing! I’m not always melting down like I used to! I’ll get there eventually!”

“What if I make it a little easier on you?” She offered with a simple shrug.

“How?”

“Give me your number and I’ll give it to her. That way, you don’t have to stress yourself out by asking for hers, and that’s one objective down.”

“Wait,” Miroku tilted his head skeptically. “Are you - are you saying she’s interested?”

Kagome feigned a believable frown. “Actually, I don’t know.” She lied. “Sango’s a pretty private person. She doesn’t often talk about her feelings, even to me. I’m just doing this to help you out. You’re a nice guy, and I’m her best friend. Easy in-between.”

“What’s the catch?”

“No catch.”

“No catch?”

“She said no catch. Just do it.” Inuyasha griped. “You’ve been going on and on about this since last year, and now you’re gonna question the opportunity?”

“Because, there’s gotta be a catch! She owes me nothing - you owe me nothing. So, why do me a favor?”

“No catch.” Kagome repeated, shaking her head. “Honestly, I’m just a nice person. If you want to do it yourself, by all means. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable or push you to do something you don’t want to do. But, if I do it, we eliminate the potential to wreck yourself even more in front of her, and then the ball’s in her court. If she’s interested, she’ll text or call, if not, then nothing happens and you have your answer. Besides, I think she’s already headed home, so I can talk you up a little and say you wanted to give it to her today but she’d already left so you gave it to me to pass on.”

“No catch?”

“No catch.”

“No one’s that nice.”

“I am. Oh, and just think. It’s always easier to talk through text because you have time to think through what you want to say before you say it.”

“He’ll still mess it up.” Inuyasha quietly mentioned.

“Nah, I don’t think he will.” She said, smiling, redirecting the conversation back to Miroku. “Then, you’ll adjust, realize Sango’s super easy to talk to and there’s nothing to be nervous about, and talking to her in person will be as normal as talking to anyone else.”

“Oh, fuck, yeah okay. You drive a hard bargain, Higurashi.” Miroku eagerly opened his bag, bringing out his notebook and opening it to the first empty page. “Inuyasha, your pen.” He requested, holding his hand out as the half demon pulled his pen from his front, pant pocket. Taking the writing utensil and clicking the ballpoint end out, he began scribbling along the upper-right corner.

Kagome could tell it wasn’t just his number he was jotting down, but she didn’t try to peek, instead giving a quick side-glance to Inuyasha and winking so he knew she had this planned. Miroku tore the edge of the paper, folding up his little note and handing it over to Kagome which she happily took and slipped into the small pocket at the front of her book bag.

“Say something nice about me when you see her.”

“Don’t worry.”

“Now, can we go?” Inuyasha spoke, taking back his pen and sliding it into his front pocket once more. Kagome smiled, giving a nod and waving goodbye to his best friend before walking off with him toward the exit. As soon as they were out of the gate, and effectively out of earshot of Miroku - who had to stay behind for his stupid student council committee - he shot her a sly look. “What was that all about?”

“Just helping things along.” She replied, giving a measly shrug.

“Ka-go-me!” The shout was menacing and chilling, over-enunciated for full, grounding effect, and bringing Kagome to look wearily toward a fuming Sango who was running right toward her. Hastily, she dodged around the half demon, using him as a shield to protect herself from the temperament of her best friend.

Inuyasha stood stiffly between the two, thoroughly confused and unsure whether this was actually something he should literally be in the middle of.

“No! Wait! Don’t be mad, I didn’t do anything wrong!” Kagome proclaimed.

“What did you say!?” Sango asked, brows pinching together but no real malice to her tone. She was frantic for an answer, and naturally defensive, but Kagome should have known better than to pull one of Sango’s own stunts on her.

“Nothing about you!”

“Freaking liar!”

“No, I swear! I didn’t! In fact, the one question he asked about you, I lied about and turned the subject back on him!”

“And, what was the subject, Kagome!?”

“About whether he liked you or not!”

“Oh my god! You can’t just ask someone that!” Sango cried, shoving her face into her palms.

“What!? On Saturday, you said -“

Sango shushed her, the noise high pitched and tense. “I know what I said, but that advice wasn’t for me!”

“If it’s any consolation, he said yes!”

“He did!?”

“You said you wouldn’t tell her.” Inuyasha mentioned, turning his head to peculiarly glance at her from the side.

“Oh, because it wouldn’t be obvious when I gave her his number?” Kagome retorted, not yet coming out from the shelter his body provided.

“What?” Sango asked, slightly shocked.

“Yeah, see,” Kagome fished the folded up paper out of the pocket of her bag, sliding her arm around Inuyasha’s waist to hand it over. Her friend snatched the note like a monkey snagging a banana from its handler, unfolding it to read its contents. “I didn’t read it, I promise. He really wanted me to give that to you.”

Sango studied what was written, her cheeks becoming a bright shade of pink before lowering the small shred of paper to peer at Kagome, her eyes large and pleading. “Did you seriously ask him for his number for me? He’s gonna think I’m desperate!”

“No! I offered to give you his number for him! I told him I didn’t know if you liked him, but I just wanted to do him a favor.”

“And, he fell for that?”

“Yup. Whatever else that says is all him. I didn’t suggest a note, just the number.”

Sango quickly handed the note to Kagome, making sure Inuyasha didn’t glance to read it, her hand held open for Kagome to return it when she was done.

I’m sorry I’m weird around you. I literally get dumbstruck by your beauty. I don’t want to mess up anymore, so here’s my number. Give me a chance. - Miroku.

Kagome beamed, slipping the small piece of paper back into Sango’s palm. “So, what do you think?”

“I don’t know. He really has no idea how I feel?”

“Look, I can honestly tell you he didn’t suspect a thing. You can go into this whatever way you want, and the guy wouldn’t know the difference.” Inuyasha testified, leaning his head to the side in a careless manner.

“You,” Sango pointed up at the hanyou’s face, a scowl forming on her own, successfully intimidating him as he flinched back an inch. “Will keep this conversation to yourself, got it? I mean it. Don’t tell him anything that happened here.”

“How are you so scary for a small chick?” He held his hands out defensively in front of him.

“My dad’s a cop.”

“Ah.”

“Believe me, he won’t say anything.” Kagome assured, finally coming out of hiding. “So, are you gonna text him?”

“You’ll find out when your friendship timeout is up.” Sango sneered, pursing her lips and crossing her arms.

“How long!?” Kagome pouted.

“To be determined.” She shrugged, walking off to take a different route home.

“Determine!”

“Two hours.”

“Hours?”

“You’ll be busy anyway, so you won’t even notice.”

“Sango!”

“Bye!” She waved from behind, crossing the street.

“You guys are weird.” Inuyasha remarked, walking on ahead.

“You really won’t tell, right?” Kagome asked, upping her speed to reach his side again.

“What? That Sango likes Miroku? Nah.” He confirmed, his tone level as he gave a small shake of his head. “I kind of figured you wouldn’t just do Miroku a favor out of the blue like that. Even before you winked.”

“So, you blindly backed me up?”

“Yup. Stupid, huh?”

She smiled, turning her head so he wouldn’t see how happy it had made her. The muffled chime of Inuyasha’s phone went off in his pocket, bringing her attention back his way as he pulled it out, his brows giving a small twitch together as he whispered an apology to her and answered.

“What’s up?” She couldn’t hear who was talking on the other end, but she continued walking at his side, minding her business to the best of her abilities, even when Inuyasha grumbled. He stopped walking, pinching the back of her sweater with his free hand to make her stay with him, his head lolling back in exasperation. “Yeah, fine, I’ll go check. I swear, you’re getting too old to leave the house.”

He hung up, grimacing deeply. “My uncle thinks he left the stove on and he won’t be back until late. I can run home real quick and I’ll meet you at your place. That okay?”

“Oh, yeah.” Kagome nodded understandingly. He flashed a small grin, his pace hastening slightly as he walked ahead to the corner, about to cross to the right where she’d just go straight. She watched him stop even though it was perfectly safe for him to go, an unsure expression on his lips as he pressed them together, eventually turning back to her as she finally reached the corner, herself.

“Unless, um, unless you just want to come with me? It’ll be a quick stop.”

Her smile grew brightly, her nod coming before her brain could actually initiate the response. When he smiled back and notched his head for her to follow, she couldn’t help the wild flutter that made home in her belly. She’d never been to his place before. She was excited.

As if things couldn’t get any better, he’d grabbed her sleeve, pulling her closer to walk at his side again. In all honesty, she’d expected him to let go once he’d gotten his way, but he didn’t. He held onto her sleeve, keeping her with him as they walked, the silence undeniably comfortable. Kagome wondered if it would be okay to actually hold his hand. Would it make him shy away? They practically held hands yesterday, so they may as well, right? Was this the way he preferred it, or should she make the move? Maybe she’d try it slowly to properly read the situation. Because, she really, really, wanted to hold his hand.

Carefully, she angled her hand upward, her forearm following through as necessary, so she could brush the side of his fingers with her own. He didn’t look at her, nor did she look up at him, their eyes straight ahead or on their surroundings. His hand didn’t inch away, and his grip on her knitted sweater slackened, even more so as she brushed his fingers again. That second time, though, she slipped one of her fingers in the curve of his hand, then another when he welcomed her in, helping to build her courage. Inuyasha dropped his hold on her sleeve entirely, taking her hand in his, accepting the way she entwined their fingers and steadily following suit with his own grip.

Maybe it was due to her infatuation with the boy, but she sincerely felt safe with her hand in his; protected from everything uninviting the world may put before her. After a moment, her embarrassment even faded away, far quicker than she’d ever expected it to. His hand was large and hot, engulfing and wonderfully gentle, his nails never a threat to her, but his unexpected tenderness was, his thumb smoothly rubbing back and forth over the back of her palm, threatening to provoke an eruption of butterflies in her abdomen.

“It’s this one.” Inuyasha said, guiding her through the small, front gate and pulling his small set of keys out of the pocket of his bag. Begrudgingly, he pulled his hand free from hers to open the door, letting her walk through first before following in and shutting it behind him. “Come on.” He walked up the hall a bit, her small, padded footsteps close behind him as he took a left into the kitchen, seeing the stove was off all along.

“False alarm?” Kagome giggled.

“Better safe than sorry with that guy.” He groaned.

“Your home is nice.” She smiled, turning about to look at the small amount of decoration in the kitchen. It was a man’s home, that was for sure; it didn’t have a typical woman’s touch to it. Nonetheless, it was comfortable, kempt, and rustic.

“Well, it’s his. Totosai’s.” Inuyasha corrected with a dismissive shrug, sauntering back into the hall and toward the living room, making sure she followed.

“You live here, don’t you? And, he adopted you, so I’m sure you’re more than welcome to call this place yours.”

“I don’t know, sometimes I feel out of place.”

“You’ll only make yourself feel more out of place the more you say things like that.”

The half demon turned to her, brows furrowing speculatively. There was no animosity behind it; in fact, his smirk prodded her to elaborate.

“Like, okay say I’m feeling insecure about my looks. I don’t feel very pretty or attractive, and it’s weighing on me. I look at myself in the mirror and then I tell myself I’m ugly. Not just once, but I end up telling myself that on a regular basis. The insecurity will definitely sink through a lot faster than it would if I maybe told myself the opposite. I’d believe it wholeheartedly then. And after that, I’d never feel comfortable in my skin, or my dresses, or skirts, or jeans, or maybe even my frumpy clothes. No amount of makeup would do the trick, either, because what I did was empower my self-consciousness. I didn’t do myself any favors by allowing myself to think my negative thoughts were true. I, instead, made my own situation worse. Why do that? Insecurities, on any level, are natural, and sometimes it’s hard to convince yourself of the opposite, but it’s so much more worth it to try. And, you’d be happier when you come out.” She took a step closer to him, smiling. Inuyasha merely gazed down at her, no air of discomfort about; he simply listened. “Your situation - it’s understandable. I’d even be so bold to say it’s natural to feel out of sorts sometimes. This wasn’t the home you pictured living in as a child, and those feelings don’t need to go neglected. But, this is a home you’ve been welcomed into. Your uncle signed the papers and brought you here. I’m gonna assume you have your own bedroom, and furniture, and your clothes fit you properly so he’s definitely providing for you. You’ve got a key, and look -“ Her grin grew larger, her enthusiasm a little too pronounced as she turned to the mantle and spotted a candid picture of Inuyasha as a pre-teen, sitting on a park bench with much shorter hair. “He’s even proud to have photos of you on display. This is definitely your home.”

Quickly, flustered Inuyasha walked the few paces over to the picture and slammed it down. “Alright, alright. You made your point.” He drawled, looking back at her. “You’ve got a motivational speech for everything, don’t you?”

“Pretty much.” She giggled.

“Mind if I go change out of my uniform real quick?”

“Go for it.”

Inuyasha walked out to the hall, leaving Kagome in the living room, his stomach feeling heavy while his chest fluttered with something uncertain. He’d stopped at the frame of the entry, his hand braced on the polished wood as he looked back at her over his shoulder, watching how she didn’t even seem to notice he was still there. She was carefully resetting the picture of him that he’d planted facedown, the pads of her fingers smoothing over the edge of the cheap frame.

“Is that what you were feeling?” The half demon asked, his tone husky. Kagome turned to him, slightly surprised, but the notch her head gave told him she didn’t immediately grasp what he was referring to. “Saturday. When you were sad. You mentioned insecurity. Was it because you didn’t feel beautiful?”

Kagome’s nerves flared dully, a small lump beginning to form in her throat. His amber eyes appeared gentle, and she couldn’t help but wonder how many times he’d thought of that night since. The shake of her head came slow at first, hardly there, but then grew into something more steady and honest.

“Will you tell me?”

She swallowed, her lips parting slightly. She still wasn’t fully comfortable talking about it, the humiliation remaining fresh, but he wanted to know and her reservation was superficial. He’d been opening up to her, trusting her, and she should do the same. He’d dropped whatever he was doing and ran to her that night. Literally ran. He calmed her down, he walked her home, he held her. Just him asking, revisiting the topic, had her feeling warmly invited to rely on him with her emotions, despite the minor apprehension holding her tongue. And, if the logic of the situation wasn’t enough, the patience he was exuding as he stood in place and waited for her to speak was. There was no caution in his expression, because there was no caution necessary between the two of them at the moment. The feeling she was receiving from him was almost the same as what she’d tried to procure during her little speech just moments ago. Safety and comfort. And, though Kagome wasn’t suddenly confident in spilling her vulnerability - as anyone would naturally feel - it wasn’t hard to let him in.

“I -“ The hesitance wasn’t planned, but she breathed to push passed it, her eyes inadvertently shying to the ground. “I wasn’t quite sure how you felt about me. I was constantly going back and forth with myself. After a while, it became too much and, um, yeah. That’s what Saturday was all about.”

Inuyasha tensed slightly, entirely unsuspecting of what she’d just stated. He’d racked his brain numerous times since Saturday night, since seeing her cry and feeling the way she clutched onto him for support, pretending he knew the deep ins and outs of Kagome’s mind so he could try and figure out what, exactly, she’d been feeling so he was better prepared to help her out of it should the situation occur again. The typical scenario that pops into a person’s head when told another is feeling insecure is looks, and he felt rotten just thinking a girl as gorgeous as she didn’t feel comfortable in her own body. He’d almost taken it as absolute confirmation when she’d brought up the hypothetical scenario just now. Another idea was her grades, or her future - because she’s in her final year of high school, and what senior isn’t panicking about their future at the moment - or maybe even something pertaining to her family. More specifically, playing backup guardian to her younger brother to help her hardworking mother out. That could easily weigh on a person, and he wouldn’t blame her for crumbling out of sight from the pressure. Inuyasha was almost prepared to make a list of the many positive attributes this one girl holds so he could help her see what he sees; so he could hopefully prevent another breakdown in the future. For some reason, he never thought it was about him. Not with how she was the first to walk into his arms, or with how she called him when she was fighting off tears. After that night, she must have understood how he felt about her, but that’s only three days of security. It made sense now that he thought about it; the half demon wasn’t known for his open displays of affection. There had never necessarily been a person he wanted to be openly affectionate with until now. As he had been coming to terms with his own emotions, gradually forcing himself out of his damaging and abrasive habits, somewhere along the lines he’d just assumed she knew. And, only ended up confusing her. That’s a good chunk of time that they weren’t on the same page, and he had no fucking idea. If she needed more obvious gestures, he could provide that. It was nerve-racking, but he would do it for her.

“Well, I hope you feel better now, because that’s a stupid thing to get upset about.” He watched as she seemingly took in his response, a small smile curving her lips, comprehending his language. “Wait for me, I’ll be right back.”

He came down the stairs, adjusting his hoodie as he went, spotting Kagome at a bookshelf at the far end of the living room as he came back through. Her brown eyes were glued on a photograph, never peering away to look at him as he approached.

“My dad.” He spoke, stopping just inches behind her.

“You look so much like him.” Kagome seemed almost astonished by the resemblance.

“Just the hair. I think I look more like my mom.”

“And the jawline.”

“And the jawline.” Inuyasha chuckled, nodding as he agreed.

“Is that your uncle with him?”

“Yeah, that’s the geezer. Come on, let’s go.”

She smiled up at him happily, following him out the door, waiting for him on the sidewalk outside the gate while he locked up. As he strode back over to her, he gave the shoulder of her sweater a small yank to lead her down the path he took to her place, his fingers casually sliding down the front of her arm until he reached her hand, tangling their fingers as they’d been before.

Their notes and homework assignments were sprawled on the floor of her bedroom between them, mostly used for reference when necessary as he quizzed her with random questions, a movie playing on the tv for soft background noise and their backs resting against the side of her bed.

“Wait, you already asked me that one!” Kagome complained, scrounging through the papers before her for the answer.

“Yeah, you got it wrong the first time, and you still can’t remember the answer I gave you.” He responded, his tone brassy but amused, breathily chuckling as he watched her go from one sheet of scribbled notes to another.

“It’s here somewhere.”

“You never wrote it down.”

“Dang it, Inuyasha!”

“Not my problem!”

“You probably distracted me.”

“It isn’t hard to do.”

Quickly, he protected his face with his hands, laughing as Kagome chucked a small, decorative pillow at him.

“So funny.” She mocked, reaching over and grabbing his notes from beside his knee. “Oh.”

“Hm?” His ear closest to her flicked, waiting expectantly for her to give him the answer.

“Oda Nobunaga.”

“So much for being a history buff, huh?” He remarked.

“You’re so sassy tonight.” Kagome laughed, putting his notes back where they once were.

“Okay, chemistry question: What’s the formula for hydrochloric acid?”

“Do you even know that off the top of your head?” She countered, grimacing.

“Wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.”

“What a nerd.” Kagome murmured, once more shifting through her study material. She sighed out slowly as she searched, her face scrunching like usual, and bringing the paper closer to her face, neglecting the glasses on her nightstand. “H-C-I.”

“Good. Since you’re looking at it, phosphoric acid?”

“H-3-P-O-4.”

“Mhm. Now put the notes down. The next question I ask, you should know by now.”

“Oh no.” She grumbled, complying.

“It’s easy. Say you borrow ten-thousand dollars from the bank. By the time you pay it off, you’ve paid a total amount of ten-thousand, four-hundred. What’s the additional four-hundred represent?”

“Oh, interest!”

“Good. See?” He smiled. “One last question and then I’ve gotta go. You ready?”

She hummed an affirmation, nodding as she turned to fully face him.

“It’s gonna be the toughest one. You get it right and I’ll take you out for ice cream.”

Kagome smiled eagerly, whispering an okay as she waited.

“Alright, you sure?”

“Come on.” She half-whined, the anticipation spiking. She wondered just how hard the question was going to be considering he used a reward as incentive.

“Okay, what’s sixteen divided by two?”

“What? It’s eight.” Kagome laughed lightly, brows furrowing in query.

“Yup.” He feigned a defeated sigh, shrugging and gathering his notes together. “Fair is fair. You busy Saturday?”

“No, I’m free.” She smiled, thrown off since she was sincerely expecting a tricky question.

“Great, I’ll take you out on our date then.”

She perked, her expression faltering minutely out of surprise but then growing into one of subtle elation. “Date?”

Inuyasha picked himself up off the floor, bringing the strap of his bag to rest over his shoulder. He glanced down at her as she followed suit and stood, shrugging his brows and smiling slightly in a meager response to her question. “See you tomorrow.”

“Wait, I’ll walk you out.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it.” He said, opening the door to her bedroom and giving her head a gentle shove backward. “I’ll text you when I get home.

—

He crossed the street, seeing the designated meet-up spot in the short distance, the sun still barely keeping the sky illuminated. Hues of fading orange and pink danced on patches of clouds overhead, a deep indigo overriding the majority of the sky. He didn’t see her at the statue, and he was glad he’d beat her; he didn’t like the idea of her sitting alone waiting for him. As he approached, he pulled his phone out of the front pocket of his black jeans, making sure she hadn’t texted.

His stomach was in absolute shambles, his nerves riddled and wired. Their first date. It was about time, yeah, but that didn’t make the ordeal any less unsettling. He’d never technically done this before, so his worst fear was fucking it up. He tried pretending it was just another ordinary hang out so he’d calm down a bit, but he knew that wasn’t true. This was a date. He was finally taking Kagome out on a date. He figured when they got the ball rolling, it would be a lot smoother since being around each other was easier than he’d ever imagined it would be, but up until then he felt just about ready to puke.

To busy himself as he waited, Inuyasha adjusted his grey t-shirt beneath his jacket, making sure it didn’t look too wrinkled or disheveled. He knew people were technically supposed to dress up for occasions such as these, but outside of his school uniform, he refused to wear another button up unless absolutely necessary. It wasn’t his style. He still looked appropriate, and he vaguely remembered the way her eyes lingered on him the last time he wore this shirt around her.

“Well, well, well.” Inuyasha’s gaze, heating instantly, shot to the side, landing on the tall, slender delinquent that ambled over. He’d been so distracted waiting for Kagome that he hadn’t even fucking noticed the scent of the motherfucker. “Look who it is.”

“Fuck.” Inuyasha breathed, the word dragging out hoarsely. “I’ll give you twenty bucks to leave me alone tonight.”

“Who do I look like, Jakotsu? Gonna take a lot more than that to buy me off.”

“Not tonight.” Inuyasha’s tone was clenched and assertive, staring straight into the dark eyes of the man that continued to approach.

“Why? What’s on the agenda?” He asked, carelessly. An arrogant smile expanded on his face.

“I’m serious, Ren.”

“Yeah, see, the last time we saw each other, you shoved my face into a brick wall. I’m not feeling very understanding at the moment.” He sneered.

“You came at me first.”

“And, it wouldn’t keep happening if you’d just fix the mistake you made.”

“It’s on my to-do list. Right there next to making you kiss my ass.”

“You son of a bitch.” He swung his fist, but Inuyasha dodged in time, swerving around to the backside of his opponent and giving the quickest look around the surrounding area to make sure Kagome wasn’t in the vicinity. Multiple times he’d gotten out of these fights unscathed, and he hoped, fucking hoped, he could do the same right now.

“I gotta say, not a really good way to convince me to leave you alone.”

“Figured you wouldn’t, anyway.” Inuyasha’s shrug was barely visible, waiting for Renkotsu’s next move. He wasn’t the strongest fighter, but he was a tactical one. He liked to bait Inuyasha along, or whomever he was up against really, getting their tempers to flare so their fighting strategy was sloppy. In addition, he was, unfortunately, fast and nimble on his feet, and even though Inuyasha was good at swooping himself out of the way, Renkotsu was better at getting back in his.

The hanyou was pushed back, but the stumble was short-lived as he grasped his bearings and threw his fist into the punk’s face, feeling the sting of his knuckle colliding with Renkotsu’s tooth. His lip must have pinched between, because blood was quick to trickle free, painting his mouth crimson as he smiled and laughed.

“You’ve gotten soft, dog boy.” He remarked, his hand hovering beneath his chin but not really even trying to stop the bleeding.

“Shut up.”

“Since when do you hold back?”

Since he was steadfast determined not to come out of this with a single indicator that would tip Kagome off or ruin her night.

“Come on, what’s changed? You been whipped or something?” He lunged, faking right but snagging Inuyasha on the left, clutching the front of his jacket and tossing him headfirst into the statue.

The pain just above his temple was sharp, instantaneously growing unbearably hot as he picked himself up to a proper standing and felt the light leakage of liquid sliding down the side of his face, the sensation dulling and becoming hardly noticeable over the headache pressing him. There was a physical spike to his temper, his blood beginning to boil as a growl bubbled in his abdomen. Of all the members of that dumb squad, Renkotsu was the most annoying.

Something in Kagome snapped, having watched the guy attack Inuyasha. She knew this sort of stuff was happening, but it was indescribably different when she witnessed it first hand. Shock transitioned to anger. Anger transitioned to infuriation. Infuriation transitioned to irrefutable outrage, and that was that. Her next move wasn’t subconscious; she knew exactly what she was doing. Kagome ran at them, speeding up, sprinting as quickly as her legs would go and shoved the bastard as hard as she possibly could. He was sturdier than his lanky body suggested, only stumbling back several feet before his glare met her challenging scowl. Arms braced around her waist before she could lunge again, a husky voice she knew was Inuyasha’s telling her to “fucking stop,” as he pivoted on his heel and tucked her behind him. That didn’t halt her, though. Demands for him to move were grunted from her mouth as she pushed his arms away, trying to climb her way around his protective stature.

“What the fuck is that, your pet pomeranian!?” Renkotsu jibed, finally taking a moment to wipe the mixture of saliva and blood that dribbled down his chin, and spitting off to the side.

“Funny coming from a guy with premature balding!” Kagome barked, finally getting Inuyasha to let her go. He stood close, though, and she knew he was prepared to snag her out of harms way if anything happened. “Who the hell are you!?”

“Who’s asking?” He smirked.

“His pet pomeranian.” She cocked a brow tauntingly.

“You’re feisty. I like that.” He chuckled. “Name’s Renkotsu. And, you’re interrupting a private conversation between the actual dog and I.”

“And, what problem could you possibly have with him!?” Kagome fumed.

“Many.” Came his brusque reply.

“Kagome, look -“ Inuyasha spoke low, only to her, amber eyes shifting from their offender to make sure he didn’t move any closer, to the side of her face - because her sight was glued straight ahead. “Just wait for me in the park. I’ll be right there.”

“What’s he saying? Trying to act like the hero and send you off?” Renkotsu teased. “He deserves everything that’s coming for him. You know what he’s done?”

“Yeah, pissed you off.” Kagome said, her tone dismissive. “I’m gonna tell you upfront that nothing you say about him is going to change my mind from thinking you’re the little bitch here.”

“If I were you, I’d reel that attitude in, little girl. You don’t know what you’re getting into.” Renkotsu warned, his amusement dwindling away. It wasn’t difficult to determine he was a hothead, easily set off by name-calling and back talk, and he didn’t take kindly to challenges against his pride.

“Am I supposed to be scared?”

“You will be if you don’t back the fuck off. I’ll give you thirty seconds to leave.”

“And, if I don’t?”

“You’ll have to watch me kick your boyfriend’s ass. Then, maybe, I’ll take you and -“

“Finish that sentence, Renkotsu! I fucking dare you!” Inuyasha growled dangerously.

“Get her to leave, Inuyasha!” Renkotsu ordered, his voice on the edge of getting even louder.

“We’re both leaving.” Kagome said with the tone of finality, grabbing onto Inuyasha’s wrist.

“The hell he is!”

“You’re from that group of assholes, right? The one Inuyasha left? Which means you’re just carrying out orders from the top. Well, tell what’s-his-face to suck a dick and to handle his dirty work, himself.”

Inuyasha shot a look of surprise at her, a smile spreading over his lips, and turning back to look at the bald delinquent, he notched his head in appreciation of Kagome’s profanity.

“You gonna let your bitch fight your battles, mutt?”

He shrugged, still thriving off her recent jab. “She’s doing a pretty good job. How could I not?”

“You know damn well if I take this back to Bankotsu, he’ll have us out for her, too. Shut her up.”

“Bankotsu?” Kagome grimaced, blinking bemusedly. “Are you guys siblings or something?”

“No?” Renkotsu asked more than stated, his brows furrowing deeply.

“What’s with the similar names, then? That can’t just be a coincidence; it sounds so fake. Is that your actual name?”

“They don’t go by their actual names.” Inuyasha mentioned. “It’s one of the common measures they take to help protect their real identities. All of them have a code name ending in, ‘-kotsu’.”

“Seriously? Are you kidding me?” Kagome laughed audaciously, looking Renkotsu straight in his dark, narrowed eyes. “Hate to break it to you, buddy, but twinsy names aren’t intimidating.”

“It’s not what’s in a name,” He began, walking inward, his jaw clenching and unclenching repeatedly, evident from the muscles flexing at the crook of his mandible. “It’s how you present yourself. I’ve never been one for hitting chicks, but a motherfucker just might now.”

Inuyasha swapped their grips, now the one clutching to her wrist and directing her to angle behind him with a firm tug.

“I gave you the opportunity to leave, but you wanted to push your luck. I don’t like women getting involved, but oh well. Fuck me, right?”

“Yeah. Fuck you.” Inuyasha seethed, the scowl returning to set on his features. “If you think you’re ever going to touch her -“

“And, what are you gonna do?” Stopping with a foot’s distance between them, staring into the golden eyes of his original target. “Because you’ve been so successful in warding the rest of us off? You, of all people - if we can even call you that - should know by now that we don’t give up so easily. Now, she’s in the mix. Should have made her leave when you had the chance.”

“Are we done here?” Kagome questioned, her tone sharp. His eyes flickered down to her, a single, thin brow shrugging in insolence.

“Sure. I like that dress, by the way.” He grinned briefly before pursing his lips and spitting on her, his saliva still holding a tint of red and landing in the center of her breasts to stain the pastel pink she donned.

Kagome, though repulsed and disturbed, immediately grasped Inuyasha’s arm, pinching her nails into the sleeve of his jacket so he wouldn’t retaliate. His muscles were flexed and he’d been ready to swing in her defense, and even though he could easily overpower her, he didn’t fight against her. His indignation remained rigid, though, especially with the creep standing so close to them, and she knew, by the way he glared at Renkotsu, by the furious air wafting about him, by the way his shoulders were squared and his fists were tightly clenched, that he wouldn’t hesitate to attack if Renkotsu made another move.

“See you around. Both of you.” He smiled tauntingly, turning on his heel and walking away.

It wasn’t until he disappeared around the corner that Inuyasha’s shoulders deflated, a heated sigh leaving his nose as he slowly, but gently, pulled his forearm out of Kagome’s grasp. She was still angry, but with each breath she took, progressively getting steadier and deeper, her temper was fading away. Finally, Inuyasha turned around, facing her, a frown of disapproval marring his handsome face.

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

“Done what?” She inquired, her attitude still prominent.

“Jumped in like you did! You could have gotten hurt!”

“And, you’re mad at the thought of that, right?”

“You’re damn right I am!”

“Well, I got mad seeing it happen to you! So, I did something about it! It’s the same thing!”

“No, Kagome -“

“Yes!”

“No! It’s not supposed to work this way!” Inuyasha stepped in, leaving mere inches between them as they argued.

“I don’t care how it’s supposed to work! What does that even mean!?”

“That I don’t ever want you pulling a stunt like that again, got it!?”

“Excuse me!?”

“He might have hit you, stupid! You can’t take punches like I can!”

“So, that makes it okay to just sit back and watch the show!? Like you’re some kind of punching bag!?”

“I would have handled it!”

“Then you should have!” Kagome yelled. “I heard him; he said you were holding back! Why were you holding back!?”

“Because you don’t like when I get into fights, Kagome! I didn’t want you to know this was happening! He came out of fucking nowhere, and I was trying to fend him off before you showed up!”

The tension in her brow decreased exponentially, his words ringing in her ears. She felt like an ass for doubting him that way, but still, no matter, she wasn’t sorry for pushing the jerk away from him. She would never be sorry. “It’s not that I didn’t think you could handle it. I knew you could have. I just got so angry and wanted to help.” Kagome calmly admitted.

“Well don’t.” Inuyasha said, authoritatively. “I don’t need your help.”

“Quite frankly, I don’t care what you think you need or don’t need right now. It’s irrelevant.” He flinched to counter but she beat him to the punch, holding her hand up to silence him. “You’re saying it because you don’t want me in the middle or getting hurt, I get that. But, it’s the exact same way I feel about you, so you and I are only going to end up going in circles about this. You can’t tell me what to do, and you can’t force me to just watch your head get thrown into cement without reacting.”

In all honesty, he’d forgotten he’d been hurt in the heat of it all, more concerned about protecting Kagome than anything. He hadn’t expected her to come flying in like a bat out of hell, fully prepared to square off with one of the lowlives of the city. Especially, for his sake. Once he saw her, he just reacted. Probably the same way she had. “Now you’re involved, though. That’s exactly what I didn’t want.”

“We’ll handle it.” Kagome said, unconcerned. To get a better angle on his cut, she leaned her head to the side, reaching up to gently hold his jaw and bring him down near her height. He showed no resistance, his long lashes fluttering softly as he closed his eyes.

“It’ll be fine.”

It really wasn’t all that bad. It looked like the bleeding had about stopped, but it should still be cleaned and bandaged. Releasing his face, she reached for his hand, pulling him in the direction she’d come from.

His grip on her palm tightened as they approached her home, noticing her mom’s car out front, and the living room and kitchen lights on. If she saw them, him specifically, with dried blood on his head, she’d know the night was disastrous and he’d put her daughter in a dangerous situation. He couldn’t have that. He’d already felt like a failure, but to have someone else think that, too - Kagome’s mother, no less - would be mortifying. Kagome’s attention drifted up to him at his notable discomfort, stopping with his cue.

“Your mom…”

“She’s a nurse, don’t worry.”

“No, I - I don’t want her to see this. I don’t want her to know what happened.”

The realization was evident on her face, but she didn’t look disappointed, her head turning to glance at her house before turning back to him.

“Climb up to my window. I’ll let you in.” She smiled.

“You sure?” He asked, and she nodded immediately, letting go of his hand. Before she could move further, he stopped her, pulling off his coat and handing it over. It made the idea of their date more believable if she came back with his jacket, plus it’d help hide the detestable stain. As she situated it over her arms, he reached down to grab the bottom of the zippers on both ends that landed at her thighs, lining them up together and zipping it for her. Kagome smiled appreciatively, turning around and heading inside.

Inuyasha snuck around the front toward the far left end as soon as she shut the door, grateful the curtains were pulled shut. As soon as he reached the tree he used for footing, he leveraged himself up, climbing until he could silently step onto the small roofing of the second story. Her room was still dark as he waited for her at the window, and though everything was muffled, he could vaguely hear her and her mom talking from downstairs. The specifics of their conversation were hard to distinguish, but he knew Kagome’s cheery tone from her upset one, and to him, she sounded happy. Probably fooling her mom into thinking everything was perfectly fine, despite the fact that she was home so soon after leaving.

Her footsteps grew closer, shuffling along as soon as she reached the top landing of the stairs, and even as she entered her room, she didn’t turn on the light until the door was closed. Her greeting smile was natural, and he couldn’t help but wonder how the hell she managed it. Kagome had every reason in the world to be upset right now, but she truly didn’t seem like she was. And, as she hurried over and unlocked the latch for him, sliding the window open, he was engulfed by the powerfully sweet scent of her that stayed locked up in her bedroom, thoroughly muddling any residual, negative thoughts from the evening.

He shut the window on his own, nodding when she mentioned she’d be right back and taking a seat on the floor with his back resting against the bed. Kagome was true to her word, returning less than sixty seconds later with a small first aid kit in hand.

“No, I told you it’d be fine.” Inuyasha chuckled quietly, taking the initiative to turn on the tv to drown out their voices.

“Cut’s need bandages.” Was her simple reply, not even sparing him a glance as she shuffled through her dresser drawers, pulling out a pair of leggings and a fresh shirt.

“The cut’s already healing. It’ll most likely be gone tomorrow.”

“Humor me.” Kagome rolled her eyes, pursing her lips as she tossed her clothes on the bottom edge of her mattress. “Close your eyes, please.”

Without hesitation, he complied, turning away for added effect. The ruffling of his jacket sounded heavy as she removed it, the material of her dress considerably lighter in comparison. It wasn’t the coldest night they’d had recently, but he still found Kagome brave for wearing it - long sleeved garment be damned. Then, an ache twinged in his chest. She’d worn that for him. And, the gesture hadn’t only gone to waste, but the dress was probably ruined now and he’d never be able to appreciate her in it.

At her signal, he opened his eyes, but he couldn’t bring himself to fully look at her, regret taking its hold on him. It wasn’t his fault, he knew, but that didn’t help any. How could he make up for this mess? How could he make her happy like he’d intended to tonight?

Kagome sauntered over, crossing to his right and then sitting at his side, thigh-to-thigh, facing him. The first aid kit was in hand, and she set it on the floor beside her, opening it and taking out some cotton balls in a sandwich baggy before turning to him. She seemed so gentle, her hands light when she pulled his bangs out of the way to asses the cut before doing anything else. As if feeling his unsubtle stare, her brown eyes drifted over to his, curious and large, then shied downward as the smallest of frowns tugged on her lips. Kagome dropped his hair, her hands falling to her lap before she bowed her head slightly, hovering over his shoulder.

Sometimes, you could say those three words to let a person know how deeply you feel for them. Sometimes, you could speak your profound emotions with more, or less, verbally, or physically. And, so badly did Kagome want to figure out how to properly express it all to him. To know Inuyasha, to have him sit with her, hold her hand, tell her things no matter the context, was a privilege she was scared for a while she’d never get to experience. Inuyasha, in his own essence, was such a wonderful gift. To have him care for her, and convey how much he cared through tumultuous anger weighted her heart. Maybe not in the moment could she appreciate the gesture, or clearly see his reasonings, but now that things were calmed and they sat so close, touching, trusting, she understood. How lucky she was. On the surface, Inuyasha was brash and hard-headed, he presented himself in a carefree manner, but truthfully, he was the most beautifully delicate person she’d ever met.

Finally resting her head against his shoulder, Kagome breathed out slowly, taking in the faint and generic spice of a man’s body wash on her inhale. Funny enough, of all the guys she’d noticed it on, it smelled best on him. What had come over her was the sudden and dire need to tell him everything she felt for him. It had hit her like a freight train; intense and insatiable. Something, she needed to say something to subdue the fire igniting her nerve endings, but as she opened her mouth to speak, all that came out was a whispered, “I really like this shirt.”

Of course, then, she laughed at herself. Typical of her to chicken out.

Kagome could feel his head come a little closer to hers, his cheek gently brushing against her hair as he said in return, “I know. I wore it for you.”

She smiled. He couldn’t see it, but she smiled.

“Are you okay?” Inuyasha asked, and she quickly sat up straight, forcing herself to appear fully recovered, as if nothing had ever fazed her.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Kagome replied, moving back to her prior task without delay. After opening a small bottle of peroxide, she doused a cotton ball with the liquid. “Could you hold your hair out of the way?”

His expression spoke volumes on how useless he found the gesture to be, but still, he did as she asked, eye roll and all. She gently rubbed the cotton ball over the small wound to clean it, then around the surrounding area to wipe the dried blood away. His attention was roaming over her, and she tried not to pay attention to the way it alarmed the butterflies in her stomach, focusing on her task. It was like his ember irises were actual, flickering chars, and wherever his eyes landed, she felt a pleasant, burning sensation. Her cheek, her lips, her chin, her neck, her collar bone, her lips, her neck, her shoulder, her lips. All alight.

“Some first date, huh?” Inuyasha remarked, his tone dull.

Kagome’s soft smile in response was unintentional but genuine, dropping the dirtied cotton ball on top of the bag it came out of, and as she chose an appropriate bandage, she shrugged. “That doesn’t matter to me. I mean, we could have chilled and watched tv and slapped the first date title on that, and I would have been perfectly happy.”

“But, instead you got to see me in a fight. Kagome, I’m really sorry.”

“For what?” She asked, opening the bandaid packaging and carefully holding the very edges of the adhesive strips. She angled it properly over the cut, gently sticking it down and smoothing it out. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Besides, the way I see it, I got to yell at one of the jerks that’s been terrorizing you. Trust me, it was a good time.”

Inuyasha laughed, flinching as she rubbed her fingers over the entire bandage. “Ow.” He said playfully, instinctively grabbing her hand and pulling it away. She giggled and mumbled an apology, using her free hand to smooth down his ruffled bangs as he let them go. “By the way, we need to talk about your profanity. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk like that. ‘Suck a dick’? Is that peak Kagome temper right there?”

“I tend to lose my filter when I’m mad.” She exclaimed.

“You’ve got quite a vocabulary on you. It’s impressive. Remind me not to get on your bad side.” He mildly joked.

He was still holding her hand, his grip adjusted to rest it against his chest, his thumb tenderly caressing over her skin.

“So, you’re not mad at me anymore?” Kagome asked, her voice softening to take on the hint of bashfulness.

“Do I look like I’m mad at you?” Inuyasha responded soothingly. He leaned a little closer to her body, relaxed, warm. “I just - I really didn’t want you getting involved, Kagome.”

“It was kind of impossible not to.”

“I know. I get that. Now, I’m just gonna worry about you whenever we’re apart.”

“They’re not like an actual gang, are they?”

“No, they’re just like you said; a group of assholes. They tend to take their crap out on others and act like they’re tough. Some of them, though, are something to be concerned about. Statistically speaking, they’re not all gonna grow out of this phase. They’re on a gateway path, and I wouldn’t doubt if Bankotsu already had dirty affiliations.” Inuyasha said, letting go of her palm as he leaned even more towards her center, his right hand now braced on the floor by her legs in a casual manner. The closer he got to her, the more comfortable he found he felt. So comfortable, in fact, that he thought nothing of the way her fingers busied themselves in the loose tendrils of his hair along the sides of his face.

“How long were you with them?” Kagome asked.

“Not long enough to actually do anything I’d regret, aside from the obvious.”

“So, you were never actually one of them.” She stated. It felt like reassurance to the stress he already carried about having made the mistake of walking with them in the first place.

He opened his mouth to say something, but his mind blanked. Not in a hopeless way, but in the sense that there was nothing that needed to be said. As he basked in her confidence in him, calmed by the tips of her fingers continuously running through his bangs and loose strands from his ponytail, he realized that neither of them were going anywhere. What the hell was he waiting for?

There was no apprehension in his lean, the fingers of his free hand curving around the side of her neck and beneath her hair, intentionally holding just before meeting her lips. Kagome leaned in the rest of the way, her mouth soft and molding against his perfectly. And, she smiled into his kiss, giggling breathily, happily as they broke.

“I want to be with you, Kagome.” He spoke, tone husky, just as content. “You and I.”

She nodded, feeling so full and light at the same time it was difficult not to be consumed by her elation.

“Yeah?” Inuyasha smiled, almost teasing because he could tell how shy she was getting from the fresh and deep shade of her cheeks. Again, she nodded, her head ducking slightly. “Is that a yeah?”

“Shut up.” Kagome laughed, taking the initiative to kiss him again, his sigh hot against the side of her cheek while he firmly clutched her to him.

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 10 |

#yeep #inuyasha #kagome #kagome higurashi #miroku #sango #inukag #mirsan #inuyasha fanfiction #inuyasha fanfic #inuyasha fic #InuKag fanfiction #inukag fanfic #InuKag fic #high school au #coming of age #my writing #delicate #akitokihojo

77 notes · View notes

onestowatch · 4 years

Text

Lynn Gunn’s Honest Portrayal of PVRIS’ Past, Present and Future Plus Details on New LP ‘Use Me’ [Q&A]

Did you know that quicksand cannot really sink your entire body? Hollywood renditions of this frightening occurrence showcase “Indiana Jones” type heroes desperately reaching for a branch or a vine to evade being swallowed whole by the muddy foe. In real life, however, quicksand is much denser than the human body–namely your torso and lungs. So, although you may sink to some degree, you’ll only be engulfed to about your torso region. That being said, to escape the hold of this mucky captor, you’re called to utilize, not a vine or a stick, but a natural aspect of yourself–in this case, the buoyancy of your torso and lungs. Doing so allows you to adjust your positioning so that you are on your back and are therefore more easily able to free your legs and eventually, yourself.

During moments of crisis such as this, it is not often that we think to use what comes most natural to us in order to overcome difficulties. However, as PVRIS frontwomxn Lynn Gunn discovered, tuning into your natural inclinations can be exactly what sets you free.

After battling debilitating health issues, anxieties, and multiple album delays, the refreshingly new album Use Me is here, and it has the empowered LGBTQIA+ artist plastered all over it. From the distinctively raw lyrics, impassioned vocals, dexterous commixture of that classic PVRIS Alternative Rock and new-aged Glitch-pop, and even a 070 Shake feature, this new album is taking everything we thought we knew about PVRIS to much higher heights. Use Me serves as the first release since Gunn followed her heart and came forward as the sole architect behind PVRIS back in March. After listening to all 40 emotion-inducing minutes of this cinematic project, it becomes clear that Use Me is so much more than an album, it is an unapologetic reclamation of power.

We were able to speak with Lynn Gunn before the release of the album and gather her perspective on this new era of creativity, utilizing her natural abilities for this new project, and even on supporting social justice causes.

All quicksand jokes aside, sink into this interview with Lynn Gunn below:

Ones to Watch: Although you’ve been making music for quite some time, this new era seems to be of a new bloom, not only for PVRIS, but for you. As you have stated, PVRIS is still very much a collective, but you have decided to shed the skin of “band culture” and from it emerge as the sole vocalist, lyricists, and creative director of PVRIS. How has that transition been on you all? Are people taking to it the way that you imagined?

Lynn Gunn: I didn’t really imagine anyone taking it any way, to be honest, it’s happening regardless of what others want to say or feel about it. It’s felt great personally and as a unit. I’ve seen mostly support but obviously, with anything, there’s always going to be people with the opposite. At the end of the day, this is what this is moving forward and works best for us, I know my truth and what this journey has been and looked like so far. I’ve seen so many insane and comical theories and conspiracies about the transition/negative comments… but ultimately I think anyone who decides to wastes their energy like that might find their life to be much more enjoyable if they channeled that energy back into their own life as there’s clearly a lack/wound somewhere within themselves. If that seems sprinkled with “shade”, it is, but I mean that with the most sincerity as well.

The saying goes “you can never really outrun yourself”, and from White Noise to Use Me, it seems that you’ve left a bit of a breadcrumb-trail leading us to this point. Although PVRIS has primarily been recognized as an Alternative Rock “band”, we can hear tiny glimpses of the sound that best encompasses PVRIS now throughout your entire discography. Was this glitch-pop, disco-esque sound something you were intentionally experimenting within your previous projects?

To be honest, this is always where I imagined PVRIS’s sound living and the type of production I’d heard PVRIS songs being told through. I think in the past I didn’t fully know how to communicate the little production nuances that would have taken some tracks from point A to B, there was also a fear (that I now regret having) about straying from the “rock” production/experiencing rejection from the “scene” we initially started playing shows and touring in.

For the most part, and I truly mean this, there really isn’t that much of a difference in the instrumentation and sonic choices of this album from the first two, it’s still a very even play of organic instruments and electronic/synths, it’s just being produced through a different lens that’s a bit cleaner, crisper and crunchier in some areas. It’s a new interpretation of the woodwork that’s always been there.

What has kept you motivated to continue creating and sharing your truth with the world?

That’s a great question because I go back and forth with that feeling sometimes… Ultimately seeing comments from fans/listeners and hearing everyone’s stories and ways that they connect to PVRIS’s music is the most motivating thing in the world. I also feel that no matter what type of obstacle course the universe wants to throw me through, I’m always going to be grateful for the bruises/lessons and always going to feel compelled to create and share those truths through music.

I understand you’ve run into a deluge of unfortunate health issues the past few years that have affected you and the band greatly. If you feel comfortable sharing, could you talk a little bit about these illnesses and the ways you have had to overcome the obstacles they brought forth to get you to where you are now?

Totally comfortable sharing! I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS) about two years ago and then about a year ago was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. AS is an inflammatory disease that mainly attacks the lower back, hips, and ribs, but it can also manifest in a lot of other ways as well such as joint pain, chronic fatigue, and even eye issues. Sometimes when my AS is really bad, I can barely get out of bed or even roll over in bed. Over time, if not treated properly or managed, it can cause your vertebrae to fuse... I’ve heard that’s super rare though. Crohn’s is chronic inflammation in the digestive tract and is a little more embarrassing but pretty self-explanatory haha…

They definitely taught me (and by taught I mean forced me) to take time in caring for myself and caring for my body. Resting properly, staying in shape, eating super healthy, setting boundaries with work, etc. It’s also just made me really appreciative of the moments when my symptoms aren’t as bad/just happy to be alive and not have it worse. I’m determined to manage both diseases holistically and through integrative medicine, so far I’ve seen great progress.

Do you believe these difficulties aided in your journey towards this self-actualization that listeners are able to distinguish in this new era of PVRIS? If so, how/in what way?

Definitely! There are definitely some references to those difficulties in a few of the songs. I think outside of the music, it’s given a lot more self-love, strength, and patience. It’s also just created even more urgency to live my truth and to live it unapologetically in the way that I want, which naturally extends into PVRIS and the art that I want to make.

youtube

If you had to use one word to describe each album thus far, what words would you use and why?

White Noise - Freshman - everything was so new and exciting and there was so much eagerness with it, like a freshman walking through a high school for the first time haha.

All We Know of Heaven, All We Need of Hell - Bootcamp (haha) - creating it and touring it were both pretty hard experiences BUT incredibly strengthening.

USE ME - Upgrade - despite all the chaos around this release, this is the freest I’ve felt and the most confident I’ve felt about a PVRIS album.

All the visuals and music video treatments that you have conjured up have a strikingly symbolic and cinematic feel to them. However, the symbolism and tone of the music videos tied to Use Me seem to take on a different nature. Can you talk about this shift in creative expression?

Mostly just working with new collaborators (Yhellow, Katharine White and Griffin Stoddard). I feel a lot less precious about things (to a healthy degree) and much more open to letting others run with the concepts as they wish! So many fun new exciting perspectives have been able to shine through.

I know you are a film fanatic and dabble in cinematography. Do you have any staple films that influenced the creation of the last five music videos?

The Holy Mountain was a big influence for the “Hallucinations” video, as well as [for] “Old Wounds”. For “Dead Weight”, I was actually inspired by the opening credits to That 70’s Show and Saturday Night Fever haha.

In July, you announced that the album was being pushed back so as to allow the floor for the amplification of Black voices, and to generate events in support of Black Lives Matter. Do you believe artists have a responsibility to take steps such as these to create a better future, regardless of whether or not these issues directly affect them?

Absolutely. We all need to be educating ourselves and actively doing the work to demand and create change towards a future that’s equal and just for Black lives.

Fans have been clinging to the edges of their proverbial seats waiting for Use Me in spite of all of the justifiable album delays. If you could relay one message to all the fans who have been patiently waiting, what would it be?

Please enjoy/connect, be good to each other and please please please vote if you are able!

Who are your Ones to Watch?

DRAMA, Jax Anderson, HDBeenDope, Royal and The Serpent, Nikki Hayes, Kat Cunning and LEXXE!

#PVRIS #Alternative #Pop

23 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1175

What’s the last vegetable you ate, and when did you eat it? My dinner had broccoli and bell peppers in it.

What was your last Facebook notification for? It was Aliyah replying to our comment thread on one of my posts. There wasn’t anything in her comment that was worth replying to anymore, so I just reverted with a Haha react.

What bands have you seen live? Paramore, Coldplay (not super legally), and One Direction.

Tell me an interesting fact about your mother: She almost became a flight attendant, but she failed the final screening because of her height. I think the idea of her nearly having a completely different career is very interesting.

What do you think is the most important thing to happen to you before the age of 13? In my case, probably getting my period. I got my first one when I was barely 10.

What were you super against as a young child but aren’t anymore? Chicken curry. I also hateeeeeeeed Dora the Explorer with a passion, but now I find the show hilarious haha.

What are your plans later today? My work sched this week had been so fucking PACKED, that I want to do nothing but catch up on sleep all weekend. But seeing as I’m a proponent of revenge bedtime procrastination, I also highly doubt I’d let myself fall into a nap (Exhibit A: Me currently taking this survey at 2 AM...) If anything, I’ll probably just continue watching BTS In The Soop and finally start on Season 2 of Bon Voyage.

Are you doing anything exciting this weekend? Well, it’s the weekend already, so...that ^ I will also have to take Cooper to the vet this Sunday.

Who do you talk to the most? Other than my team at work, Angela. I’ve been extra talkative these days because of our now-mutual excessive love for BTS, that I sometimes feel bad that I keep bombarding her with messages.

What are some things you do regularly that make you feel old? Talk to my friends who are still in college, especially when they update me about the current happenings in UP that I have absolutely no clue about anymore.

Who is your best guy friend(s)? I don’t have any best guy friends.

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Neither; I’m fine with my tannish skin tone.

If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it? Keep it; I already do.

Have you had an x-ray in the past year? Nah. My last one had been nearly 5 years ago, when I needed to get my back checked for scoliosis.

Do you think your first love still loves you? No. And that’s okay. :)

What is something that is “going right” in your life? EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGG I am so so happy with my life right now weeeee. I have the job of my dreams – I’m even working with THE ACTUAL K-POP GROUP SLASH PHENOMENON SLASH ICONS BTS for one of the clients I handle FHKDHGKHGFDKGHDKGH, I have the best and most supportive friends in the world, and I am now starting to grow my collection of BTS merch with my hard-earned money. Everything is going abso-fucking-lutely perfectly, and to think I didn’t think I would make it past 2020.

When did you feel ready to start dating? Middle of high school.

When was the last time your pet bit you? If you don’t have a pet, have you ever been bitten by someone else’s? I was play fighting with Cooper earlier tonight, and he got a little bit excited and ended up biting my upper lip quite harder than usual. It stung for a while, but it’s okay now.

Where were you the last time you made out? I think it was my bedroom.

When was the last time you cried tears of joy? Yesterday.

How do you type your sad smileys? Just this :(

Do you have “decorative hand-towels” that cannot be used in your house? Nope.

What was the last soda you drank? Probably the Coke I drank at an org event last year, pre-pandemic, out of sheer thirst. There wasn’t any water being served so I just gulped down the soda and tried to ignore the annoying fizziness. I don’t drink soda.

What was the last thing someone made fun of you for? I was having a video call session with my workmates this afternoon as a way to end the week on a good note, and I recounted my experience of being locked out of the office while I was in the middle of a presentation for a client, and how I managed to get myself back in.

Have you ever had any type of surgery? Nope.

Should kids be allowed to get tattoos/piercings without parental consent? No.

Who was the last person to hit on you? No one has in a while.

What was the last thing you decided not to do, that you were supposed to? A deliverable a client asked me to do. It can wait til Monday.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to tell someone? Maybe straight up admitting to my mom that she can be hurtful sometimes. It’s hard because she never actually processes things like that and they do nothing but vanish into thin air, even though it takes everything in me to be that honest.

What do you put on hot dogs? Mayonnaise.

Ever fallen in the shower? Like once, when I was 10 or 11.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever called someone you care about? Continued from last night. It was probably ‘bitch.’ Based on what I’ve learned from my mom, I put extra effort in particuarly watching what comes out of my mouth, because I know how words stick.

Do you think that things will get better? I did, and now it has.

Have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life? I think I may have. The story is a little triggering though, so I wouldn’t share it.

What’s your favourite book genre? Doesn’t really count as a genre but I like auto/biographies.

Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theatre? I’ve felt like it, but I’ve never done it.

Do dogs like you? Yes, at least for 99.5% of my experiences.

Would you say that you project an air of authority? In certain circles. But there are some groups where I trust others to lead rather than me.

Have you ever jumped off a high dive into a pool? Nah, because I’ve never seen one. But even if I did, I think I would be too scared to do it hahaha.

Do you use one towel when you shower or two? (one for hair, one for body) One. I use it to wash my entire body already.

Have you ever been to one of the great lakes? No.

Who do you know that had a baby recently? The son of one of my old college instructors. I believe she had been born in March because that prof recently posted family photos on Facebook that celebrated the baby’s first monthsary.

Do you like Usher’s songs? Not in particular.

When was the last time you went to a waterpark? Not a big fan of these as I find them unhygienic haha. The last time must have been...like anywhere between 12-15 years ago.

Have you ever ridden a train? Just once, and I had to go with Jum because I didn’t want to go alone.

What do you eat your French fries with? Mayonnaise. If there isn’t any available, I’d want the fries to at least be generously sprinkled with salt; otherwise I’d find it too bland.

Do you have family problems? Nothing blatant, but I know we are more dysfunctional than how we make it out to be.

What’s the last food you ate that was stale? Pizza. I got two extra large boxes for my birthday last Wednesday and until now we still have some of it around :((( I ate some slices at around 3 AM earlier and they were tough as fuck to chew, hahaha. Still good, though.

How do you like your grilled cheese? I don’t have grilled cheese sandwiches often. Surprise me.

What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked? I don’t cook.

What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid? I liked watching my cousin play video games; playing outside; and answering my friends’ autograph books (aka my pre-survey days, lol).

Have you ever been close to drowning? Yup but just once. I was swimming and was just about to come up for air when one of my cousins, coming from the bottom of the pool, suddenly started to playfully pull me down. I was nearly out of breath by then and he had a much stronger grip on me, so I struggled for a while and ended up panicking and thrashing around a bit before I was able to wriggle myself free.

Have you ever had a panic attack? It’s rare that it happens, but when it does it’s really bad and there’s no telling when it would subside.

Do you like doing housework? Some, and only if I’m in the mood to. If I feel like I have to do it, then I get lazy.

Would you ever get implants? I considered it before as a teen, back when small-chested girls were still bullied or made fun of on an everyday basis. How fucked up is that? I’m so relieved at how much social media has progressed.

Do you own a robe? No.

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? I have a younger sister but she’s barely a baby; she’s literally turning 21 this year. Nina.

Do you like crust on pizza or do you cut it off? I like crust as long as it’s normal crust or stuffed crust. I can’t stand thin crust.

What was the last song you listened to? Euphoria - credited to BTS, but it’s a Jungkook solo.

Have any of your family members been to jail? Not blood relatives, but I know of super extended unrelated family members who’ve been to prison. Is there anyone that you feel you still need some closure with? I don’t think so. Sometimes no closure is closure.

Can you remember when you first learned how to read? I can’t, actually. All I remember is that I suddenly wanted to read everything by the time I was 5 and asked for nothing but storybooks every Christmas.

What event in your life has transformed your personality the most? College. Gabie also had a very big influence on me during our relationship.

Have you ever had any teeth pulled? Yes, but it was because it was already decayed.

Do you still want to be what you wanted to be in elementary school? No, but I do elements of it in my work so that works out well for me. I wanted to be an author when I was in grade school, and today I regularly write various materials in my job.

What’re some TV shows that you would like to get into? I just wanna get reconnected with The Crown again. I was already into it but I had to stop watching for a LONG time, because the show had some personal connections to my ex and so it seemed hard to get into the new season without breaking down lol. Now that I’m doing fine, I feel like it’s a good time to revisit the show.

How would you feel if you were drafted for the military? Won’t happen here, but it’s the kind of situation where I wouldn’t really have a choice and would have to follow.

What is your favorite Queen song? I don’t have any.

Do you know how to use any foreign currency? What do you mean, use...? Don’t you just use money to pay?? Hahaha or if you mean convert, then yeah I know how to do that with several currencies – US dollar, Korean won, Euro, Japanese yen, and whatever official name the pound has.

Been kissed by someone who you knew was “bad” for you? Nope.

Ever taken an at-home pregnancy test? I have not.

When was the last time you were at a loss of what to do? I usually don’t have plans laid out on weekends these days anymore, so lately it’s all been a matter of winging it and just wanting to make sure that by the end of the day I get to say I made the most out of my free time.

What did you do on your favorite date with a guy/girl? The time we did museum hopping + Italian dinner, or the one where we had French dinner + jazz bar.

What’s a movie you have seen in the theater more than once? I never do rewatches for movies still in cinemas.

What is the reason you’re still alive? I was stubborn and wanted to see if life would get better; I didn’t want to leave my dogs behind; I didn’t want to miss out on how potentially great and exciting my life could end up being; I didn’t want to cause and leave an even bigger emotional rift on my family.

I’m so happy I stayed.

Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom? Yeah. Not the best decision, and I wouldn’t do it again lol.

Do you ever brush your hair before you go to bed? Sometimes, so that it doesn’t look like a bird’s nest when I wake up the next day.

Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.) I don’t think so. I have definitely imagined it in...other ways, though.

Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it? Both in the superficial and loaded senses, yeah.

How did you feel when you woke up today? What was the first thing you thought about? I felt kind of like shit, just because I slept for only 1.5 hours – my body automatically wakes me up by a certain time, no matter what time I fell asleep. And also because my back and shoulder muscles were killing me with how sore they felt.

Do you still tell your parents that you love them? I show it, but I don’t say it. I’m pretty stingy when it comes to that phrase.

Have you ever said “I love you” to someone you weren’t going out with? Yes? It shouldn’t be limited to people you’re dating? I express it to Anj and Andi all the time.

Have you ever been threatened before? Sure.

Would you date someone with a physical disability? Yes.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? Purely guessing, it’s likely. I’m not updated about her life anymore, though; life has been going on as if she never existed.

The last time you dyed your hair, what color did you dye it? I’ve never had it dyed.

Think of the last time you went out to eat. Who paid? I went out by myself, so I paid.

Do you save at least 15 percent of your income? Yeah. I had a very good saving streak in which I was able to save anywhere around 50-60% every month...and thennnn I became a fan of BTS early this month LOOOOOL so now I’m back to like square three when it comes to my savings haha. Like I still know my limits and when to fucking stop taking out money from my bank account, but I’ve been spending dramatically more than I have been in the last few months.

Do you ever go on Reddit? If so, what are some of your favorite subreddits? I used to go much more regularly, to the point where it was a part of my daily routine. Now I go at least once a month. I usually check out the Ask Reddit (for anecdotes), Today I Learned (for trivia), and GMM subreddits. Sometimes I’ll get on the Squared Circle subreddit as well to be updated on wrestling.

Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little? Many times as a flower girl, yeah.

Are your parents in good health? Fortunately, yes.

Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative? Nope.

Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason? Not that I know of.

Do you have a favorite pair of pajamas? What do they look like? I don’t have pajama sets since I find them too warm.

Do you have any interesting pillow cases? Eh, I don’t think so.

If something on your body hurts, which part is it most likely to be? Shoulder muscles or my lower back.

Are you more afraid of spiders or bees? Bees.

Have you ever worn fake nails? If so, what did the last pair you wore look like? No.

Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you? Native American.

#survey #surveys

2 notes · View notes