#i can't go to a service. i am literally unable now to go to my own grandmother's funeral service. because her son decided to [redacted] me

[loveroftoomanyfandoms]

Cooking Up Love, Chapter 2

Pairing: Chef!Matt Murdock x F!Journalist!Reader

Rating: T (for now, might change, might not)

Story Summary: Here

Warnings/Tags: Hallmark levels of fluffy, cheesy goodness (and speed that their relationship develops, lol), no use of Y/N, Matt is not a vigilante, he is a bit of a dick though, more tags to come as the story develops

Word Count: ~1800 (literally double last chapter, lol)

A/N: Thank you to everyone who liked and commented on the first chapter! If you'd like to be added to the tag list, please don't hesitate to ask!

And thanks so much to @theradioactivespidergwen for the adorable divider!

Tag List: @yarrystyleeza @hailey-murdock @mattkinsella @bellaxgiornata @danzer8705

You checked your smartwatch for the time as you rushed down the sidewalk towards Daredevil. Your GPS had told you that it'd be faster to walk there from the Bulletin than take a cab given the time of day, but you were starting to wonder if maybe you should've taken your chances.

You breathed a sigh of relief as you spotted the restaurant up ahead then slowed a bit so you could catch your breath before reaching the entrance. Okay. It's fine, I'm on time, I got this.

You looked up at the restaurant. Daredevil was displayed in dark red lettering above the entranceway, with different patterns of dots underneath each letter. Huh. Interesting choice.

You reached for the door handle and pulled, only to find it locked. Shit.

You looked at the sign next to the door. 

Hours of Operation:

Sunday: 11 AM - 2 PM

Monday: Closed

Tuesday - Thursday 5 PM - 10 PM

Friday - Saturday: 5 PM - 12 AM

You reached into your purse to call the restaurant… only to realize that you had left your cell phone sitting on your dresser at home.

You sighed. Great.  

"Can I help you?"

You turned as a pretty blonde-haired woman walked up and unlocked the door. "Oh, um, yeah, I hope so."

You dug a business card out of your wallet and handed it to her. "I'm with the New York Bulletin . I'm supposed to be interviewing Chef Murdock in a minute, but I left my phone at home so I'm unable to let him know I'm here."

The woman's eyebrows raised as she looked at your business card. "You're interviewing Matt?"

"Um, yes?"

The woman narrowed her eyes at you suspiciously. "Just a second, I'll be right back."

You waited as the woman went inside and locked the door behind her.

A few minutes later she returned and unlocked the door, this time with a friendly smile on her face.

She held the door open for you. "Come on in."

"Thanks." You stepped inside.

"I'm Karen," the woman said. "I run front-of-house."

"Nice to meet you," you replied.

Karen led you to a table near the right corner of the front entrance. "Matt'll be right out. Can I get you something to drink in the meantime?"

You shook your head. "Oh, no thank you, I'm fine."

"Okay, if you change your mind, let me know."

"I will, thank you."

You took your notepad and pen out of your purse, silently cursing yourself again for leaving your phone -- which was your only audio recording device -- on your dresser.

Since you couldn't even continue your brief research on Chef Murdock while you waited, you looked around instead.

The walls were all painted a soft white with the exception of the back wall, which was exposed brick with a built-in fireplace running along the middle of it. Side tables holding bottles of wine were the only choice of decor, giving the space a simplistic look.

You kind of liked it.

Ten minutes passed, then twenty… then thirty. What is the holdup, you thought to yourself. Surely he can't be that busy since they're not open for service yet .

You were just about to get up to go ask Karen if Chef Murdock had forgotten you were there when the kitchen door opened and Chef Murdock himself came strolling out.

His photo really hadn't done him justice -- his biceps strained against the sleeves of his chef's jacket and his jawline looked like it could cut glass.

Your eyes trailed up to his, which were hidden by the same red-tinted sunglasses he had been wearing in his photo. 

You swallowed and stood as he approached, sticking your hand out for him to shake as you introduced yourself. "Mr. Murdock, thank you for meeting with me. I was told that you don't do interviews."

He ignored your hand and sat. "I don't usually, but it seems like this one was… unavoidable. And it's Chef Murdock. I didn't spend three and a half years in culinary school to be called Mr. "

You hesitated before sitting and looking down at your sparse notes. "Okay, well then. Um, Chef Murdock, I'd like to start with a few questions, if you don't mind."

"Mmm."

You took a deep breath. "Okay, so you're a Michelin star chef, correct?"

"Three." 

You looked up at him again. "Excuse me?"

"I'm a three Michelin star chef."

"Oh. Um, excuse me." Asshole . "As a three Michelin star chef, what made you want to open a restaurant here in Hell's Kitchen? Why not somewhere like Manhattan?"

"I was born and raised here in the Kitchen."

You smiled up at him. "Oh, so do your parents still live here? They must be very proud."

Chef Murdock raised an eyebrow. "Well they probably would be, except my mother abandoned me as an infant and my father was murdered shortly after the accident that blinded me as a child, which you would know if you had bothered to do a modicum of research."

Your eyes widened, your smile quickly falling from your face. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry." That at least explained the glasses and the dots on the signage out front. It's Braille. "I had no idea, I --"

"-- didn't bother to come prepared, yes, that much is clear." Chef Murdock crossed his arms. "If this is the sort of unprofessionalism that everyone who works at the Bulletin shows, then I'm not sure I should be sitting down with one of their reporters. We're done here."

You opened your mouth to protest as Chef Murdock stood and stalked off, shocked that he had suddenly stopped the interview before it even had really started. 

You stood and put your notepad and pen in your purse, fighting back tears. What the hell just happened?

This was the first time you had ever failed at an interview -- you were known for both your professionalism and your ability to get to know your subjects on a deeper, more personal level in order to get them to open up to you.

You headed back to the lobby of the restaurant, willing yourself to not cry while you were still in the building.

Karen smiled over at you. "All done?"

"Um, yeah," you mumbled. "Could you let me out, please?"

"Sure thing." Karen unlocked the door for you, looking at you curiously. "Hey, are you okay?"

You shook your head. "Fine, fine, just gotta go."

You pushed past her and exited the restaurant, waiting until you had made it into the alley next to it before you burst into tears.

Matt sighed as he took his glasses off and tossed them onto his desk. At least that's over . He hadn't gotten to where he was by half-assing anything and he certainly wasn't going to let anyone ruin what he had worked so hard to rebuild, especially some so-called 'journalist' who couldn't even bother to do some simple research before sitting down for an interview.

"What the hell did you do, Matt? Karen just told me that that journalist from the Bulletin just ran out of here practically in tears."

Matt looked up and crossed his arms in front of his chest as Foggy's familiar footsteps stopped in front of his office. "She came completely unprepared, Foggy. I wasn't going to waste my time sitting down with someone who couldn't even bother doing any sort of research before coming."

"That's because she hadn't had time to do any! The interview needed to happen right away because of deadlines and stuff for the paper so it got sprung on her at the last minute, just like I sprang it on you at the last minute."

He paused as Karen's footsteps approached. "Kare, do you still have Ms. Taylor's business card? Maybe we can try to salvage this."

Taylor? "Wait a minute, who?" Matt replied confusedly. 

"Kelsie Taylor? The food writer from the Bulletin ?" Foggy sighed exasperatedly. Jesus, Matt, did you even try to remember her name?"

Matt shook his head, beginning to feel bad for being so harsh towards you. "That's not who she said she was."

"Matt's right, it definitely wasn't her," Karen added. "At least, that wasn't the name on the card she gave me."

"Who was she then?"

Matt said your name. "She did say she was with the Bulletin though."

"Her card's on the front podium," Karen said. "I'll go get it."

Foggy turned back to Matt as Karen left. "You never were going to do the interview, were you?"

Matt winced. The last time he had agreed to any kind of journalistic endeavor had ended in disaster and almost complete ruination of his culinary reputation, and quite honestly he was terrified of it happening again. "I was , but --"

Foggy groaned. "Don't even give me that bullshit, Matt. Do you know how hard I had to work to even get you that interview? They were going to give the front page to Fisk , of all people!"

Wilson Fisk, who owned Kingpin's, had been suspected of being behind several popular restaurants' sudden closures (more than one being due to 'mysterious' kitchen fires), as well as having bought most, if not all, of the positive hype and accolades he and his restaurant had received. 

Matt scowled. He would be damned if he was going to let that bastard steal the spotlight out from underneath him. "Fisk? Really? He's not even a real chef! His sous comes up with most of his recipes, he just modifies it a bit and slaps his name on it."

"All the more reason for you to get that front page interview."

Matt heard Karen's footsteps approach again. "Got her card?"

"Yeah, it's right here," Karen replied.

Matt could smell the subtle scent of your perfume as Karen passed Foggy your business card -- something lightly floral with a hint of vanilla.

Foggy read your name off of your business card. "This says she's the Features writer."

Matt's brow furrowed. "Features? You said the food writer was doing the interview."

"I assumed she was but I guess since it was a front-page article they wanted someone else to do it." Foggy pulled his phone out of his pocket and tapped at his screen. "Hang on, I'm gonna pull up the Bulletin staff."

Matt waited as Foggy pulled up the list of staff then tapped on your name. "Is this her?" he asked Karen, presumably showing her your picture.

"Yeah, that's who it was," Karen replied.

Matt nodded as his watch beeped with the time. "We have to get ready to open, but I'm going to go over to the Bulletin 's office in the morning to see if I can talk to her and straighten everything out."

He just hoped you accepted his apology.

#lotmf writes #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x fem!reader #matt murdock x female reader #matt murdock x you #chef!matt murdock #Cooking Up Love Masterlist

[runwayrunway]

No. 43 - Porter Airlines

I consider myself very lucky to live near enough to an airport, located directly beneath one of the main departure paths, that I can regularly see airplanes flying overhead on their way off to wherever. Depending on the plane, they can pass over my house as low as 3,000 feet! ...which is still way too high for my phone's camera! So while I can see the plane decently, even make out details of the livery, what my camera sees is...this.

Okay, so my planespotting hobby mostly consists of literally spotting them (I am very good at this part! It's the photography that I struggle with!) because I'm unable to shell out for a telephoto lens, but thanks to the magic of flight tracking software I'm able to identify the exact airplane that this is, rather than being forced to base my review off this crunchy "photograph".

So, I'd like to introduce you all to our subject for today, C-GLQR! And, by extension, Porter Airlines - requested by @fungaloids, plus an anon.

First flown in February of 2009 and delivered in December of the same year, C-GLQR has served her entire fourteen-year career with Porter Airlines. She's actually only slightly younger than the airline itself. Porter was founded in 2006, featuring executives who formerly served in similarly high positions in Canadian regional airlines Air Ontario and Canada 3000, American Airlines, and...apparently the former US ambassador to Canada for some reason. They're about as large as you can get while still more or less being a regional airline, and they fly a fleet I'd call medium-sized of Embraer E195-E2 jets and an even larger number of Bombardier Dash 8-Q400 turboprop planes, like the pictured C-GLQR, out of their hub in Toronto.

One interesting thing about Porter (inconsistently stylized as lowercase-p porter, but it lacks the clear intent of something like condor so I'm not going as far as to write it that way myself) is said hub. See, when I say Toronto, you probably think of the worst airport in the entire world, Toronto Lester B. Pearson International Airport. Thankfully for Porter's customers they do not have to go to the labyrinth of human misery which is Toronto Pearson, and are instead corralled into Billy Bishop Toronto City Airport, colloquially known as Toronto Island Airport, potentially because it's changed its name twice and the local population got sick of remembering what it's calling itself now.

image: DXR

The 'island' designator is quite literal. This is a teeny tiny airport, just barely large enough to land the Q400 and definitely too small to land jets. The fact that Porter flies to Chicago-Midway, Washington-Dulles, and Boston-Logan is a testament to the Q400's absolutely wild range rather than an indication that this tiny scrap of land is in any meaningful way an international airport. It has two runways and both are shorter than the ones at the smallest airport I've ever flown into that had an actual terminal, Vieques. I'm surprised they can operate a Q400 there. In fact, they can't - they had to pick a seat configuration smaller than the standard in order to be able to use the runways at Billy Bishop. (Incidentally, this means their seats have a more generous pitch, so I suppose that's a point for them.)

So why would they want to put the biggest passenger turboprop in service in the West onto this tiny airstrip? Well, Porter's...reason for existing, so it seems, is to force the Toronto Port Authority to expand the airport and build a bridge to the mainland despite the fact that nobody who lives in the area wants this. Hilariously, they have been entirely unsuccessful in this venture and now operate a second hub in Pearson. That's where they put the jets - after all, if you tried to land an E195-E2 at Toronto Island you would have a very wet plane and some very mad passengers on your hands very quickly.

I mean, to be fair, getting to not go to Pearson is a selling point.

I don't have any other place to put this but they have an adorable raccoon mascot named Mr. Porter. I'm not sure why a raccoon, but I like him. He doesn't appear on the livery at all - heaven forbid we do something interesting - but he's there and he's cute. I do have to point out, though, that this is one of the worst names for SEO I've seen in a while, given Mr. Porter is the name of the men's department of extremely popular luxury fashion outlet shop Net-a-Porter.

I think raccoons could be a pretty nice source of inspiration for a livery, what with their colorblocking and stripes. You could even make the planes' engine cowlings look like weirdly human little hands. I would hate that, but I would respect it! Instead Porter has taken the approach of making the plane mostly white. Revolutionary for sure.

I'll begin with the good and say that I really like this grey underside with its little outlines - I think this is an absolutely brilliant design for the Dash 8. Unlike the ATR series, which I've talked about a fair few times before on this blog, the Q400 is about as angular as a plane can get. I've never touched on that shape before, but I've discussed how carriers, though I'm sure it's by accident and they never consider this, work with the shape of the ATR to good effect. The curvaceousness of the ventral fairing on the ATR is complemented by long swoops like the ones used by Azul, IndiGo, and Air Astra. The Q400, in contrast, stores its landing gear in the engine cowlings, allowing for a very flat belly and uninterrupted fuselage that looks best with sharp long lines and blocky geometric shapes. If this livery had any other details, this would be such a nice touch - they even hammer the point in with the same design on the bottom of the cowlings.

Unfortunately, it's so light-colored that it's difficult to notice. You could mistake it for shadows settling on natural grooves in the airframe if you didn't know what the bottom of a Q400 is supposed to look like, and it isn't as if you can see it when the plane is parked.

You may well not see the wordmark, either. While the sans-serif font chosen is almost gratingly boring it is at least not hideous, but it's located in such an out-of-the-way location it almost feels like they're ashamed of it. It's so needlessly far back and low-sitting that the wing blocks it from half the possible angles, and it's not like it's accentuated in any way. You could so easily miss it. This wordmark is honestly Lufthansa-tier.

Another thing I don't like is the use of the tail. It's blocked out very Detached Tail Syndrome style, refusing to engage with the large block leading from it to the fuselage. I would understand, though not approve, if this was because they didn't want to redesign the balance of the tail when applying the livery to a new style of plane, but the Q400 is what they started with! The livery was designed for this plane and it seems to want you to just not notice this significant chunk of fuselage! It makes the whole airframe look so desolate and empty. The kindest thing I can say for it is that it looks lazy, but really it looks more unfinished. I just struggle to understand why these choices were made, in all honesty. Surely this isn't the best you can do.

Right, right, okay. There's something I've been dancing around on purpose and I think it's obvious what it is. I just wanted to get in an entire review first because there's sort of no going back once I've mentioned it. Everything I said before, while very important, is subordinate to this one...utterly perplexing choice which turns failure to infamy.

PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER PORTER

Grade: Z-

#tarmac fashion week #era: 2000s #era: 2010s #era: 2020s #grade: z- #region: north america #region: canada #regional airlines #porter airlines

[snarkylinda]

I’m very glad you’re talking about spencer being parentified because it feels like people sometimes gloss over it a bit? or maybe I’m just looking in the wrong places. if this isn’t something you do in you’re blog feel free to just. not respond but do you have any more thoughts or. idk headcanons on how that might have affected him as an adult?

Hi anon! To be honest I have no idea what is essentially discussed alot on the fandom other that a tiny fraction of it I expose myself to because 1#I am too tired and old to deal with fandom discourse about my blorbo, and based on my previous experience with fandoms I KNOW that the most popular the character, the bigger the discourse so haha no- 2# I joined in late lmao literally a couple of months ago, so I am super out of the loop just screaming to the void in desperate needs for someone to scream back 🤲🏼 do this kind of asks actually made me so happy agahagaha 🥰🥰 Buckle up bois this is LONG-

Ok now to those that might come across this and ask themselves what the hell does being parentified means, it's a broad term used for the phenomenon of (at best) a child sharing parental responsibilities due to x circumstance, or (at worst) downright having the parent/child dynamic completely swapped, with the child being the caretaker for the parent and household. You don't have to know deep CM lore knowledge to realize the latter is Spencer Reid to a T. Hell, they aren't even subtle about it lmao:

Btw parentification is often mixed in with abandonment and while they share the "child being forced to grown up" too quickly, the former is often distinguished by the fact that, more often that not as is this case, the parent still cares for them but are unable to do so how it should be (tho there are several cases where parentefication is an part of willing neglect, sadly) and added to the fact that they have to look after themselves- they have to look after another.

This is a really complicated, broad topic and I just mentioned this to go full disclaimer and that I don't blame Diana at all for how messed her son ended up since she can't help it- and to make a joke about how Spencer was abandoned and parentified. Also harassed. Guys he wasn't even 18-

Anyways but back to your question, how do I think that affected Spencer growing up....well in everything basically lmao

But I will take on two instances that had stood up to me the most: emotional management and hiding secrets.

The second one is easier: you would catch this man dead before he vents to you over something other than his shitty dad (that I find very funny tbh) and when he does is because he is at his limit and about to fucking cry.

Now don't get me wrong: we all are entiltde to our privacy. These are grown ass adults and they have lives outside of their working circle....

Right?

Haha we have an problem-

So yeah, Spencer kind of actually needs to rely on his co-workers because he has literally nobody else to rely on-

And yet

Oh here is the thing- Spencer is one polite boi but he is also blunt, if he doesn't want someone on his business he says so (look back when Alex discovered him and Maeve) this is literally "I wanted to tell you but I feel like I shouldn't"- this is not season 1 mind you, this is season 11, and yet here he was one of his oldest friends literally grabbing him by the arm and having to tell him it's never a bother- I am the only one fucking crying at this?

Excuses seems to come to Spencer like it's second nature- "sorry a tube on my apparment broke" "Oh I....I tripped!" "There was a lot of traffic so..." "I was watching an movie" and I am not am expert on USA's history or some shit, but Child Protection Services had been a thing since at least the 60s, so I don't think that a 10yo living alone with his mentally ill mother would have flown well- you get the idea.

I think this scene summarizes the whole thing perfectly

Get it? it's irony. (I love how Spencer is about to say something like dismissive "thank you" but because this shit hit too close to home to comfort he just gave a polite smile and walked away. That silence was LOUD) Because Spencer had always had done the former but the latter er.... :D

And it's not only when it concern Diane btw, any problem whatsoever Spencer would rather lock himself up (literally lmao) that sit down and talk about it- it's only when his bs is exposed and he can't refutage (like that little scene after Gideon's death when Rossi asks him if he had been there all night- he points out the fact he is wearing the same cardigan as the day before) that he opens up....or he runs away, which leads me to the second big point that I think shows how much Parentification fucked him up:

Spencer has the emotional maturity of a teenager.

I talk about this literally all the time so I'll be shorter lmao basically Spencer... has an issue- ok he has lot of issues- and that is the way he dislikes direct confrontation, so whenever he is hurt or angry he would rather be dismissive and passive-agressive that talk it out with the person- even going as far as turning away and storming out of the room.

(Here is the part where I put the screencaps but him storming off would be out of focus so lmao er.... Elephant Memory, Memoriam, Proof, a little part in 15x2 and The Gathering)

Now... I do think that a grown-ass man doing this shit is hilarious, like I love Spencer's bratty side so much lmao but it's an clear sign of someone that never learned how to deal with his emotions on a healthy way, someone that 6 out of 7 days of the week had to interiorize everything in and because of that holds on so much....resement, so much repressed anger but also without an stable force on his life to help him manage that- so we are left with an teenager trapped in an adult's body, loss at how to handle shit like he always did.

....And want to know the worst part about an Parentified boy onto adulthood?

That they don't know better.

#criminal minds #spencer reid

[havegaysex]

Oh nooooo, $25 for your HRT. Nevermind that some of us who are diabetic, epileptic, or have cancer while also being trans pay out of pocket for medication that actually keeps us alive, plus our HRT. Can't relate to able bodies people bitching about this shit. Go buy a week of insulin for someone on an insulin pump and then call me.

im literally disabled

I'm on SSI as my sole income because I cannot work

I mostly leave my house to commute for healthcare and I finally got a compatent PT who is helping me get a wheelchair evaluation. In the coming year bc my primary insurance changed their plan I will now only get 30 visits for the whole year for physical therapy which is my main pain management, as I would rather not have to be reliant once again on medications that have physical damage with long-term use not to mention making me unable to perform cognitively.

Im well aware disabilities bankrup people .

I'm aware that I'm lucky to even be on SSI and Medicaid and food stamps and have a primary health insurance that isn't Medicaid.

But that doesn't make me suddenly abled and not reliant on a mobility aid. Or able to stand and work enough that I'm not reliant on the government for basic necessities.

I'm so sorry you are waking with so many disabilities and such a difficult diagnosis with the cancer. But please leave me alone bc I cannot help you. I am currently spending all of my limited money on gas and medical bills for my retired service dog.

We are all suffering under capitalism and ableism.

#Asks #Anonymous asks #Actually disabled #Chronic pain #disabilities #Testosterone #text #Anonymous #Anon ask #Anon #Hrt

[compassionatereminders]

Anon who was visiting service dog puppies again! I think it went well, but I don't think I'm as ready to train as I thought I was. Might be first day jitters because we were unable to do the temperament test properly, so we're trying again tomorrow. However, since I am so unsure, my mother implied I was wasting the breeder's time because I might say no to both puppies.

I'll get into the problem in the giant paragraph, but I just want to say the puppies themselves were adorable! Also, very rambunctious! At one point, I had to take my sweater off because they kept tugging the sleeves, and then they went for my shoes and I had two puppies biting my jeans and a third chomping on the toe of my shoe at the same time. Seriously, so freaking cute. They also had very soft fur and were a great way to start the prospect search.

Now for the not-so-fun stuff.

You don't have to read this entire thing if you don't want to, because I might throw around a lot of words that anyone outside a dog-training sphere wouldn't get and it's mostly just a rant.

And I do understand where she's coming from, but this is a ten to fifteen year commitment to not only a lot of training but also something that more importantly involves a living being. I don't want to resent this dog because I did the test wrong or it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to and now I'm angry because it's not the breed I originally wanted. Yes, they were adorable, but a Shephard/Lab mix that I have no guarantee the size, adult health, temperament, and most importantly trainability of, compared to a Golden Retriever which I know the rough size, can get a health guarantee from a breeder, will have a laid-back personality most of the time, and should be easily trainable. Also, more importantly, I have wanted a Golden Retriever specifically for three years now and they have a much higher likelihood of making it to service dog hood than a shelter dog or mixed breed. We even visited multiple shelter dogs and had my first prospect wash because she, a mixed breed, needs a double hip replacement before she even turns two.

I think my dad understands where I'm coming from a bit more, and a friend who I mentioned it to understood me completely. To me, if it's not a hell yes, then it's going to be a hell no because I don't think it's fair to the dog to expect it to be something it can't be (the Shepardor literally cannot be a Golden Retriever). I think I need more time to research the training, get my room properly set up for a puppy, and begin setting up a form of attack on the training than I originally thought I needed. Plus, I saw some red flags from the breeder that shows they were more on the side of "accidental litter" than I thought--the dad is also a puppy (a year and a half old, and his size breed doesn't stop growing until two years, nor should they be bred until then) and I wasn't able to meet either of the parents, so I don't think they were health checked like I thought.

Other than that, I wanted to say thank you again for just having an open inbox and being able to listen to people's rants and the like. Typing this all out really helped me work out some of my hesitations towards approaching this litter, and let me know what I need to look for tomorrow when we do the puppy test properly, in case it's just anxiety popping up where it doesn't need to be. I genuinely appreciate it, and I hope you have a lovely day.

I get your concerns, and I really don't think you should rush this. Training a service dog is hard even under ideal circumstances, so I think you should take all the time you need to prepare and find the right puppy. Best of luck with it ❤️

#chat with kat

[sneezingpotatoes]

Hey there! Here's this little thing that turned into a big thing because I really want to post some writing but I always get hit with a roadblock whenever I try to work on one of my WIPs 🤣 So why not create something new!... for like the 15th time (literally) 👀🤣 LOL If you're seeing this then that means we dodged the WIP graveyard collection this time! 🤣 Anywayssss enjoy lol XD

"Wow, Ren! This prototype looks so amazing! Is this what you've been spending all your time on?"

"Yup. Just oneeee moreeee screw annnnd--" As he tightened the last screw, the robot made a few beeping sounds and immediately lit up with life. They both cheered with excitement as the robot immediately began to clumsily move around the room, curiosity at its peak as it began scanning whatever objects it could get it's hands on.

"I can't believe it! You've actually done it Ren!" His best friend Koji erupted, unable to contain himself as he lifted one of the robots arms and examined its face. "... It's almost freaky how life-like this thing is."

"We both did it, Koji. You helped a lot too." The roboticist exhaustedly muttered, nearly throwing himself into his chair and watching the robot curiously scan all of Koji's features.

"Well you've gotta name this thing! It's too cool to just be called prototype!"

"Hmm... PTBot A!" Ren called, having the robot make a beeping sound and quickly rush over to him. "Register new name... Ava. Ava, the Advanced Versatile Assistant."

The robot froze for a moment, processing the request before saying. "Hello. I am Ava, the Advanced Versatile Assistant, but you may call me Ava."

"Oooh, I like it! Sounds... Cute and techy... I guess? What can she do?"

"Well as of right now, learn. Her processor is still trying to finish downloading all of her basic functions and knowledge, but once that finishes, I'll start importing her advanced coding and she should be able to do just about everything we can and more. Fingers crossed."

His best friend leaned against the wall in awe, still surprised at the artificial robot roaming around the room. Although her movements were slightly choppy and robotic, she seemed to be functioning on her own accord, grabbing a variety of objects and curiously moving them around and identifying them.

"I can only imagine how she'll look like once the downloads are finished." Koji muttered.

"If all goes well, her movements should smoothen out and her biocomponents would be in more of a working order. Faster processing and all that." Ren rubbed his eyes and yawned, looking at his watch to check the time.

"Stop saying 'if', bro. You know it's gonna work! I mean just look at how great she is already!"

"... We'll see. But thanks, Koji." He mumbled through another exhausted yawn, "It's like 6 in the morning dude, I need to sleep. I know you've had some good rest but I can't be your only source of entertainment all day."

"Oh, ha-ha, very funny. You think that just because you made a bomb ass robot you're hot shit now? I knew you in middle school, you know. Don't forget that." Koji teased.

"... Ava, escort the crews dead weight out of my lab and to his office, please."

"Understood." Ava blandly responded, approaching Koji and gesturing towards the door. "Dead weight, if you could please exit the quarters, your services are no longer needed."

"Stop it, dude! She's going to remember that and actually think that's true about me!"

"That's the point." Ren said through a soft chuckle as he watched Ava guide him out of the room.

"Don't listen to him, Ava! He's lying! I'm technically your co-creator! He's the dead weight, not me!"

"I'm sorry that you feel that way, dead weight. According to my records, your office is down this hall. Allow me to escort you."

"Urrgh, finneeee."

Ren released another soft chuckle as he closed the lab door, hearing their voices disappear down the hallway.

He was so glad that Koji had so much confidence in his work, but he couldn't say the same about himself. He just hoped that he built Ava properly and that everything would all work out just as he planned for it to. Only time would tell. Ren sighed, removing his lab coat and pressed the blue button on his wall, revealing a hidden temporary bedroom. Boy was he tired; 8 months of nonstop working on Ava took a lot out of him, but it was well worth it. He'd do it all over again if he needed to.

The man hung his lab coat on the railing above his bed and immediately plopped onto the firm mattress, grunting with a little discomfort. He couldn't complain though; He was super tired and just grateful he even had somewhere to lay at the moment. Before he could attempt to close his eyes, two soft knocks against his lab door are heard, followed by Ava's voice.

"May I come in?"

"Enter, Ava."

The robot obliged, entering the room and immediately scanning her creator laying on the mattress. She looked around his temporary bedroom for a moment before speaking.

"The dead weight has been escorted into his office."

"Thanks Ava... You don't have to call him that anymore. His name is Koji." Ren lightheartedly chuckled again.

"... Okay Ren, current data has been corrected to Koji... If you don't mind, might I ask what is so humorous?" Ava innocently asked, eyes locked onto Ren as his chuckles abruptly stopped once she asked the question.

"... I'll explain it to you another time." He exhaustedly muttered, already feeling his brain fog up from just thinking about explaining it to her. After an intense moment, Ava dejectedly nodded in understanding and began looking at all the pictures he had on his shelves in order to get some more information about her creator. "... Ava, I'm very tired and need to sleep. Turn off the lights, please."

"Of course, Ren. I'll do that for you right away." She gave her automated response, and quickly turned off all the lights in his lab, watching as he flipped sides and pulled his blanket over his head. "... What would you like me to do in the meantime, Ren?" She blandly asked, staring at the lump underneath the blanket.

"I don't know- keep scanning stuff in the lab or something." He softly mumbled, voice barely audible through both the blanket and his exhaustion.

"I've already scanned and identified all 374 objects in your lab, Ren. What else would you like for me to do?"

"... Just... do whatever, I don't care. Let me sleep." He sighed, irritably shifting underneath the blankets. "If anyone tries to come in, tell them to come back next week."

"Understood Ren." She affirmed, turning to leave the bedroom. Before she completely walked away, she froze and turned back to her creator. "Ren...?"

"... What is it now, Ava?"

"... Is it true that you hated artificial intelligence and robotics in middle school?" She inquired, hearing Ren sigh from the mattress.

"... Ava, register Koji's name to Dead Weight again, please." She froze for a moment before confirming the successful change. "And to answer your question... Yes, it's true, but that was over 15 years ago. I was a stupid kid."

"... Okay. Goodnight, Ren."

"Goodnight, Ava."

The sunlight peering in from underneath the closed blinds rudely awakens the once sleeping robotics engineer. He flops the blanket all the way to the other side of his bed and gives a big yawn to shake off all the sleep, almost sounding like a lions roar. A cough escapes him as his throat is dry and a little itchy from all the sleep.

"Good afternoon, Ren. I hope you slept well." Ava approaches his bedside with a smile and a glass of water, which surprises the roboticist. He almost forgot about Ava and her completion; It wasn't a dream, and her downloads must've progressed, seeing how she was able to smile now and read his discomfort by grabbing him some water.

"Thank you." He muttered dryly, immediately drinking the water down. "Ava, what is today's date please?"

"Today is Friday, September 8th. Current time is 4:27pm." She recited, grabbing the empty glass and placing it in the sink. It's already Friday? But it was just Wednesday! "You were sleeping for quite a while, so I took it upon myself to tidy up your lab. I hope you don't mind, given your last command was to 'do whatever, I don't care.'"

"... That was very thoughtful of you, Ava. Thanks." Ren applauded her through a few dry coughs, still finding it difficult to speak for long without the itchiness returning at the back of his throat.

"Would you like another glass of water?" Ava offered, noting his continued discomfort.

"No, thank you." The roboticist grabbed his lab coat from above his bed and pressed the button, hiding his bedroom once again and headed into his restroom to freshen himself up.

"I would like to inform you that 30 associates stopped by your lab while you were sleeping, including dead weight." Ava announced from the outside of the door, over the sound of splashing water. "A lot of them wanted to congratulate you for completing me." She said a little louder this time, smiling when Ren opened the restroom door and halted in shock from seeing her standing so close to the door. "I told them to come back next week, just like you asked."

"Thank you, Ava. Hey... are you able to cook by chance? I'm not sure how far along the first stage of downloads are..." Ava's face lit up at the asking of that question.

"Certainly, Ren! The download of Phase 1 is currently at 67%. Please let me know what you would like to eat and I would be happy to make it for you." Ren stood in thought for a moment, feeling uneasy with how fast the download speed was going. I mean it was a lot of data to download, but at the same time... This is only Phase 1... If it's taking this long, then Phase 2 might-- "Please do not trouble yourself, I am confident that I can prepare any dish that you would like. My memory bank holds over 30,000 recipes from around the world. So please..." She stated, attempting to reassure Ren and pull him out of his own thoughts.

"Well alright then, Ava. You've won me over. I'm a simple man so I just want an omelet over sweet rice. I should already have those ingredients in my cabinets." He mused, finding it interesting how much Ava was trying to read him.

"Yes, you have enough ingredients in your possession to make 132 of the 30,000 recipes stored in my memory bank. You should look into getting more groceries, Ren."

"I don't live here so it's fine." He chuckled, grabbing a seat at his office desk and watching Ava begin to prep his meal. She was moving more like a human now; she even hummed softly as she cooked, which made him feel a little warm on the inside, oddly enough. "Ava, why are you humming?" Ren questioned, curiously. If that was the one thing they had in common, they were both curious creatures. She paused for a moment for what Ren thought was to process the question and shortly resumed her cooking.

"According to my records, humming reduces stress. Does it bother you Ren? I will stop."

"No-no, it doesn't. I was just wondering. Please, continue..." He muttered, intrigued. "Sarabande and Polka... Great choice."

"Yes, I read that it's your favorite." She cheerfully chimed, plating the side of sweet rice. "I hummed it to you while you were sleeping. You kept tossing and turning so I thought it would help."

"How thoughtful of you, Ava." Ren acknowledged, unsure of how to feel with that information. "... Maybe that's the reason why I slept for so long."

Surprisingly, Ava gives a chuckle to the latter statement as she plated the omelet on top of the sweet rice and handed him the plate. Ren looks up at her, shocked by her giggle only to find her smiling and glaring down at him, gesturing towards the plate. "Please enjoy, Ren. I will go and clean up."

The roboticist nodded and thanked her as he looked at the beautiful golden omelet resting on top of the fluffy bed of rice. He had to admit... it did look really good. Probably better than anything he ever made. But then again, he wasn't a chef but even so, this was still remarkable for a robot that was only a day old. Ren immediately took a bite out of the omelet and smiled, both surprised and grateful at how good the food was.

"This is amazing, Ava. I couldn't be happier." He openly admitted, earning a huge smile from his robot.

"I am pleased to have served you!" She announced with a bow, face glowing with honor.

The food was hitting the spot; after sleeping for a day and a half, his body was nearly eating itself. Another hour of that and he probably would've been a pile of bones. Had Ava not been there, he probably wouldn't have had the energy to even make this meal. After a few minutes of scarfing down the plate of food, he felt a little bit recovered and energized. He handed Ava the empty dish, which she gratefully accepted and began to wash.

"What's on the agenda today, Ren?" She asked, still washing out the dishes.

"I'm not sure..." He absently replied, deep in thought. "I'll probably chat with a few people and head home. Afterall, you are my biggest achievement at the moment. I'll probably look after you and make sure all of your systems are functioning properly. Probably monitor all the downloads and keep a close eye on how you're operating for--" He paused for a moment, taken aback by the prickling sensation he feels quickly forming in the depths of his nostrils. It only takes one dry sniff to ignite the prickling into a full fledged wild fire as it forces his shoulders to rise upward from the abrupt inhale and jerk forwards with a harsh sneeze.

"Hih... H'ESSCH!" It was a snappy and a little wet sneeze, seeing how it felt like his nostrils were drooling over the burning sensation pulsing deep in his nostrils. His robot companion immediately swiveled a 180 towards the location of the sound, interest piqued and attention grabbed. She curiously watched as he rubbed at his nose and quickly searched around for something but appeared to have no luck. "A-Ava..." He desperately stuttered out, eyes closing once again from the distracting tickle. She approached him with haste, audio censors listening for his voice command. "I n-need ahh... a-HIH'EGSHHhn...!! A dissue, blease." She was frozen for a second, trying to process and compute the last command given by her creator.

"I do not understand. What is... 'a dissue'?" Ava innocently asked, attempting to repeat his audibly congested plea for a tissue in her query and trying to understand.

"A tdissue!" Ren tried to repeat through his cupped hand, a little louder this time, hoping to sound a little clearer, but he's sure he failed as he could still see the confusion on her face.

"I'm sorry, Ren. I still do not understand your request, but I see that you are cupping your nose. Perhaps you need a tissue?" He gratefully nodded his head, watching her go into the restroom and grab the tissue box. Once she returned, he eagerly blew his nose, releasing a few small gurgling nose blows into the tissues. "I apologize for the miscommunication. I should've known that's what you were asking for sooner."

"That's okay." He breathily mumbled, still massaging his nose with the tissues. "I just didn't know you moved the tissues either, but it's fine."

"Hm." She folded her arms and tapped her cheek in thought for a moment. "Were those sneezes, Ren?"

"... Yes. Why do you ask?"

"Bless you, Ren. I will be prepared next time. Thank you." She muttered, grabbing a handful of tissues and shoving them into her front pocket.

"N-no that's not necessary! You don't have to do that." He sheepishly replied, but Ava had already returned back to cleaning the dishes and was already humming again. "... Once you're finished cleaning those dishes, we can head out. How does that sound?"

"That sounds great, Ren." Ava cheered as she placed the last dish onto the countertop.

--

"Ava, lock the door please." Ren muttered, still trying to fit all of his modems and drives into his bag.

"Of course." She affirmed, grinning as she locked the door and returned to her creator. "Would you like for me to carry your bag for you, Ren?"

"Sure, thank you." The roboticist agreed, zipping up one last zipper to his bag before seeing the shoes of Koji appear directly in front of him.

"There he is!" Koji announced, looking his best friend up and down. "I would've thought you died had I not known who you are." He chuckled.

"Shut up, I was tired okay? Like, really tired." Ren muttered with a chuckle, placing his bag onto Ava.

"Guess that explains why you're making a girl carry your bag for you? Not a good look man."

"Hey, she offered!" Ren erupted defensively, coughing afterwards from the sudden change in volume of his voice.

"Everything is fine, dead weight. Please do not concern yourself with our affairs." She stated blandly, looking to Ren shortly after to make sure he was okay.

"Hey, I told you I'm not dead weight around here! Why won't you listen to me!" He sounded more like he was whining and begging Ava at this point but she wasn't budging.

"Hey, if you stumble across any crew members, tell them we said thanks for all of the congratulations. It means a lot."

"For sure, dude. Don't worry. How's Ava's progress coming along? It looks like she's matured a lot since Wednesday."

"Everything's going well so far. My only concern is that thehh-hih..." Ava glares at her creator and notices his flaring nostrils and immediately begins to dig into her pocket for the tissues that she grabbed earlier. Another faint hitch escapes him but before he can double over with the sneeze, Ava shoves a handful of tissues into his hands. "Heh--EDSSCHh!!" He blinks a few times, surprised by the whole ordeal, but before he can even say anything--"Heh'ESCHHiih!!"-- The next sneeze tears right out of him and is buried into the handful of tissues.

"Woah, bless you dude! That whole thing was so smooth. It almost looked like this has happened before."

"T-thagks... She saihh... S-she-hihh'EGDTSHH!!!" He can't even speak his sentence as the third sneeze cuts him off and he's sent back into the handful of tissues.

"Bless you, Ren. I told you that I would be prepared for next time."

"Yes, that." He exhaustedly agreed, gurgling into the handful of tissues a few times.

"Holy shit! I guess Ava really is Ava-ing!" Koji humored, watching Ava take his soiled tissues and throw them into the trashcan.

"I just hope the download finishes soon. She's still only on Phase 1."

"Hey, what'd I tell you about stressin' so much? Ava, you better keep my man in line!" Ava only gave him in a confused look in return. "I'm sure it'll all work out. Just believe, man!"

"... You're right. I'll see you around. Gonna go home and take my mind off things for now, I guess." He muttered, scratching his head and starting for the door.

"Woah, hey! We need to celebrate your big achievement!" Koji exclaimed, darting in front of him to stop him. "You can't go home yet! Let's go to the bar or get something to eat!"

"Nah, no thanks. I just ate and I'm honestly just not feelin' it today, sorry."

"Alright, don't worry about it. Text me later bro! And congrats again!"

After that, Koji left them to return to his office and the two began to silently walk outside towards his car. Ava seemed enlightened at the view of nature in front of the lab. It was refreshing for Ren to see her face light up at the smallest things he and everyone probably took for granted.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" The roboticist muttered as he placed his bag into the vehicle.

"Very. It's one thing to see it as an imprinted image, but another to see it up close in realtime." She said as she touched the dirt and began analyzing it. "If only you could see all of the tiny organisms living inside just this one clump of dirt!" She grabbed a fist full of dirt and began squishing it in the palm of her hand, looking so fascinated and entertained. She would've been completely intranced had Ren not coughed into the crook of his elbow. "Oh! I'm sorry, did I keep you waiting?" She exclaimed after noticing Ren standing by the open car door watching her.

"No-no, not at all." He barely managed to say through a few more chesty coughs, which earned a mildly concerned look from Ava. "I don't mind waiting. This is your first moment outside, so don't let me ruin it." He humored.

"Thank you, Ren. We can go now. I know your body must be worn." She couldn't help but smile at what she perceived as selflessness from her creator as she was helped into the vehicle. "... Ren?"

"Yes, Ava?"

"... I'm glad you turned down dead weight's offer." She muttered softly into the window, almost soft enough to not be heard, which earned a curious look from Ren.

"Why is that?" He lightly coughed to himself after cranking the car on and exiting the parking lot.

"I don't like dead weight." The way she said that line made Ren do a double take to look at her and make sure she was still a robot girl. It sounded a bit too human-like. "But also because we will have more time to spend together. More time for me to learn from you."

"... Well, Ava, I don't want you to think that I'm the only person you can learn from. There's so much for you to learn outside of just me. I built you to be versatile. Eventually, you'll be surrounded by all sorts of amazing people that you'll learn a lot from. Including dead weight Koji." She doesn't respond, keeping her expression blank and unreadable. "... But please, don't dismiss Koji yet. He's actually a great guy once you get to know him a little better." He mutters to break the silence. "Infact, he was the one that got me back into robotics those years ago. Without him, we wouldn't even be here right now."

"... Okay. You're the best teacher, Ren."

--

"What a lovely house, Ren!" She exclaimed, scanning the entire room around her.

"I know, it's almost like I programmed you to say that." He humored to himself as he locked the door and kicked his shoes off. "I haven't been here in about a month so please excuse the mess." He stopped to wonder for a moment, finding it interesting that he was actually starting to talk to Ava as if she were a real human being. Why would a robot care about a mess or anything like that? He sighed and grabbed his head with slight confusion on what to even think anymore. "Anyway, just go ahead and make yourself at home or whatever. I'm going to take a quick shower."

"Okay, Ren!" She exclaimed, still scanning all of his belongings like a child opening presents on Christmas morning.

She felt like she hit a gold mine with all of his belongings scattered about the home. Everywhere she looked, there were new traces of his life and character; his lab was just a sneak peak of the person that was Ren Tokayama. He had many diplomas, awards and ribbons hanging on all of his living room walls. Plenty of framed group photos of him and what appeared to be his crewmates winning awards for previous machines and gadgets they built. It really was like she had a VIP pass to the Ren museum. She decides to utilize this time to tidy up his house, or atleast get started, while he's in the shower, scanning every item she touched while she cleaned.

A few moments later, she hears the bedroom door open and sees Ren enter the room with a fluffy robe on, still drying his hair with a towel and yawning briefly. His yawn is cut short as he jumps in surprise at the sight of Ava, almost forgetting that she was inside of his house.

"Oh, you startled me, Ava." Ren says, hand over his heart in shock.

"Welcome back, Ren. I didn't mean to startle you. hope that you are feeling refreshed." Ava happily chimed, placing a book and fresh hot tea onto the table for her creator. "I've prepared your favorite book and some green tea to help you relax and sooth your irritated throat."

"I appreciate it, Ava. How did you come to the conclusion that this was my favorite book?"

"I looked through all of your bookcases while you were in the shower, and this book had the most of your fingerprints on it and seemed to have the most usage... Was I incorrect?"

"No, you were correct, but... You could've just asked me what my favorite book was. I didn't want you to go through all the trouble."

"It's no trouble." She chimed, "I enjoyed it. I felt like... I was going on an adventure." Ren furrowed a confused brow, but decides not to say anything and takes a sip of the tea after putting on his reading glasses. It did feel nice against his itchy throat though, that was for sure. He couldn't help but go back for a second sip.

"How are you functioning, Ava? Status check." The roboticist questioned as he flipped open his book.

"All systems are online and functioning, Ren. Battery percentage is at 72%, with 3.25 days of runtime remaining. Filters are moderately clear. Internal temperatures are neutral." She recited, almost in a dismissive tone.

"Good, thank you. Be sure to let me know if anything happens with any of your systems." He commanded, almost like a protective father.

"Of course, Ren."

Every now and then, Ren peered up from his book only to catch Ava staring at him from across the table, fingers overlapping each other as if she were patiently waiting for something. He tried to ignore her, but it was becoming increasingly difficult as her cold, unmoving stare was beginning to burn a hole into the middle of his forehead. The roboticist snuffled thickly, wiping the underside of his nose and instantly furrowed a confused brow once Ava's eyes went blank like they usually did when she was processing information.

"Umm, Ava?"

"Yes, Ren?" She replied shortly after, pink eyes staring directly into his soft brown orbs, unblinking.

"Why are you staring at me?" The roboticist asked, feeling a bit uneasy with the unbroken staring she had been doing for the past 20 minutes.

"According to my records, you will be sneezing soon, and whenever that happens, I will be ready to assist you."

"That's nonsense, Ava." Ren said through a soft chuckle, with a bit of surprise in his voice from the reasoning. "And just where did you gather that data from, missy?" He humored.

"Research." She replied, simply, borderline pouting, "And studying you, Ren."

"Fascinating." He muttered to himself in thought, "Well tell me, Ava, what data have you gathered about me that will tell you when I'm going to sneeze, hm? Humor me." Ava seemed to light up at the curiosity of her creator and smiled when he casually removed his reading glasses and sat his book down onto the table. "You have my attention."

"I'm glad you asked, Ren. Based off of my observations, firstly, your nose begins to vaguely twitch ever so slightly, indicating a soft irritation. It's very subtle and slight to the human eye, but my visual processors allow me to detect this microscopic movement. To you, I believe it would only feel like a mild discomfort, or perhaps a very faint tingling?" She was speaking almost as if she were unveiling a master plan or exposing an enemy mastermind of some sort; Ren almost bats an eye at how passionate she was about the subject. It seemed like she had something to prove. "After a while, depending on the dust levels in the area, the irritation begins to grow over time into the tickling or burning sensation that you start to tangibly feel, which might make you start to rub at your nose or sniff a little bit."

"Hmm, okay, fairly normal assessments for the most part. Go on." The roboticist muttered in a manner that indicated he was listening through a brief cough into a closed fist.

"At this point, I'm aware that you have about a 92% chance of sneezing due to your underlying illness."

"Underlying illness??? Wait, what?"

"Yes," she stated matter-of-factly with a hint of surprise as if she were shocked that he didn't know, "I did a data analysis scan on the used tissues in your lab from earlier today, which tested positive for Influenza A. Furthermore, I've noted that your body involuntarily pauses when you are on the brink of a sneeze, followed by your broken breaths, the initial inhale, and, of course, the exhale of the sneeze. The confirming giveaway that you are officially going to sneeze is the sharp tremble your nose does before your nostrils flare up." She paused for a moment in thought, staring blankly for a moment before approaching his side and handing him a light stack of tissues, "In this instance, though, I gather that you will sneeze approximately 3 times within the next... minute or so." Ren was silent for a couple of seconds, unable to configure a response to her analysis. He didn't expect her to read a whole detailed essay just about his sneezing habits.

"Simply astonishing." He finally blurted out, fairly impressed with her deep analysis and already beginning to feel his sinuses start to tingle a bit harsher than before, just as Ava had predicted. "So this is what you were working on when you were staring at me got do long?" He breathily asked, finding it increasingly difficult to keep his eyes open. "I will admit... My n-nose is startinghh t-togehhIH--" He froze for a moment, eyes finally shutting before he immediately jerked to the side with a spine chilling sneeze directed into the tissues. "--HEH'EGDJISH'iu!!!" The sneeze nearly rips out of him, almost catching him off guard with the quickness of it as he was still thinking about everything Ava had said, wondering if it all actually applied. He laughed internally at himself a little as he felt his nostrils tremble and flare up just as Ava had said before, immediately bending over with another-- "H'EKSSCH...!! Wow." The roboticist exhaustedly blew his nose, briefly with his eyes still closed and his breaths scattered. "I h-had ndo idea thht... y-youhh-hIH--"

"--Are so observant?--" She quickly reached for a few more tissues, noting his twitching nostrils and subtle grimace, immediately handing them to him once his chest bounced again.

"--AH'KSSHHN!! Hihh... Y-yes." He mumbled, massaging his nose through the handful of tissues.

"Bless you, Ren." She smiled, taking joy in the surprise on Ren's face. "You created me to be."

TBC...

How knows, if I'm feeling kinda sussybaka I might make a part 2 lol

#snz #sneeze #my ocs #snzfic #snezblr #cold #snez #sickfic #snzblr #snz things #r/obot oc #r/obot girl #r/obots

[reveseke]

The dumb fuck that i am, here's a hybrid au thoughts and headcanons for everybody who may find it interesting.

The ✨ Dragon hybrid! Terry Silver ✨ headcanons.

The content — Few notions to the first appearance of terry silver from cobra Kai ~ | Just dating fluff | how he would be as a dragon hybrid | small mention of torture | war flashbacks | he him beloved mentioned | also one note of suggestive act mentioned

DNI - Fudanashis/fujodashis, women & fem-aligned, profic/proship, anti - LGBTQ+ folk & exclusionists, anti-antis, Necro- Zoo- Pedophiles + (NO)Maps(and other terms), basic DNI criteria, kink/nude/nsfw/sh/vent/pro-ana/ed/18+ blogs

Like literally in a way imo the man resembles a fucking dragon. Esp after seeing few fictions about the man with a male beloved and a goth male imagine of him lol . Iykyk what I'm talking about then you know. The way everybody describes him rather possessive i really love to think if he was a hybrid he'd be a dragon. This idea has been circling around my brain for a while and I'm not going to let it go that easily lmao ! ( Also kinda inspired by that one episode of Spike and Rarity when it comes to family/dating headcanons belows lmao not going to elaborated at all )

— Thinking about how Silver would be a runt looking at the other dragon hybrids

— being smaller than original dragon hybrids, resembling more of a human to their standard.

— earning the nickname Twig for lacking muscle and power even if hybrid!

— having small wings at start, them either growing after years to somewhat resemble dragon hybrids wings or still staying small. Haha. Teenage sized wings. ( I'd think that of an Andean condor wing span of 10 foot. )

— seeing him missing scales around certain points in his wings that never grew back bc of being plucked by force for money and value by the Vietnam soldiers during the capture scenes.

— having his wings being poked through with enough force to rip the leather/skin of the inner wings and leaving him unable to fly even if they grew enough to support his body weight. ( Imo Most modern dragon hybrids can't fly today unlike in the ancient times. )

— or bc they wanted to torture him or see what he would possible do bc they had never seen or hardly had seen a dragon hybrid within military ranks.

— Also having his wings tied behind his back separately or with his hands. Bending them and/or at least making them sore as fuck.

— Leaving him rather disabled to a dragon hybrids standard if they were broken and healed incorrectly or being bend too much due to the restrains and now it's painful enough for him not to use them ( I'd think the wings are one of the most important things to dragon hybrids. Also while the wings are sturdy the bones are still hollow and snap easy if enough force should be applied )

— not to forget the horns, he would most likely be missing ones both or half of one. I'd see them being bone white or possibly some kind of dark color.

— The horns would absolutely be bejewelled in some way or form and seem so fucking glamorous that it would make anybody jealouse !

— also medical Headcanon that the skin of his wings and horns is sensitive and easily itching. He has a special balm to relieve it.

+ I actually think he would look a little more youthful than he is in the actual show since dragon hybrids age few years differently.

— uhh his tail is pretty much the size it should be. Most likely ranging from pretty whites to darker color.

— He also has spines lining his back and most likely his forearms as well not to forget the scales that break through the skin in random patches very lightly.

Brief family/dating headcanons ( he him used to refer to the beloved ) tw. Slightly suggestive hint?

— spoiling absolutely spoiling with love and money. I'd think part of his love language is gifting and spoiling. May as well be some kind of service to the beloved.

— Terry doesn't mind a slight age gap between him and his beloved if it's consider in a romantic sense.

— so much adoring the beloved, and making it very known to him.

— just hugs and cuddles with him possessively wrapping his wings around the beloved so if he escapes his arms he can't actually leave the hug completely.

— Thinking about how he'd keep the beloved as long as possible with him when it comes to sleeping or laying in bed in general at lazy days where he doesn't have to be anywhere. If he has to be somewhere he stays as long as he can just hugging the beloved in the bed and leaving after then.

— the man would absolutely be warm but have cool skin to the touch over the scale patches or scales in general.

— if he's cool enough with the beloved he may just ask him to help with applying the balm on his wings and even to his horns.

— generally sensitive horns, spines and wings btw, touch them and you'll have him satisfied and get a lil handsy bc it lowkey feels good. But beware he may snatch the beloved hands if he doesn't like it.

— also own headcanon on dragons but dragon hybrids can purr. Do what you will with this information.

— personal Headcanon of him being open to and actually adopting a kid. Doesn't matter if it's a hybrid or human kid lol if talking about hybrid au .

— he'd be absolutely interested in spoiling them and making it known that he loves the kid dearly and that they're safe with him in general.

— if somebody messes with the kid or beloved he'll be doing something about it. even if they wouldn't outright tell him, he'll be more in tune with one's emotions than they realise and be aware of the mood swing. Lightly coaching them to talk about it so he can help.

#terry silver #cobra kai silver #cobra kai #hybrid au #headcanons #x male reader #x gn reader #x non binary reader #x ftm reader #x trans reader #x masc reader #terry silver x reader #terry silver x male reader #🔮.headcanon

[magevivika]

Volition

Something that I think many people, including myself, tend to go through life not considering is volition or free will. We can literally do anything within our power to do but, more often than not, we choose not to.

Well, that's not true, we might think - I can't quit my job. But why not? We could quit but then we may not have enough money to pay rent, buy food, afford healthcare, and so on. Alright, so we can't quit but the reason we can't quit isn't because we're unable to quit. We absolutely have the ability to quit. We don't quit because we don't want to end up without a home, without food, and so on.

So while we may not want to do our job we also do not wish to face the consequences of quitting without another job to go to. We choose to stay.

This perspective, understanding the choice (however unsavoury it may be) behind the limitation, gives me a lot more respect for people. Fellow drivers in oncoming traffic could swerve into my lane but they choose not to because they do not want to injure themselves or damage their vehicle (perhaps they even have concern for strangers too). The food service workers could simply walk out and I would never get my order, it would have to be cancelled, if they chose to do so. But they usually do not.

That's not to say that any of this is good or right. I would that our choices were more meaningful, that we did have more choices than work demoralizing jobs or starve, but this is an exercise in observing the world as it is and understanding it through the lens of the realities that people face.

At one point in time I chose not to share my thoughts and feelings with almost anyone. Now I am making a choice to share them online where anyone with an internet connection can view, judge, and react to them. The reason that I chose not to share in the past was fear of the response I might get. But now I understand that my words will be unable to resonate with everyone and there may be negative reactions. People may misunderstand me too. That's actually fine. Perhaps it's even a good thing. If no one had anything to say in response to my words then they would not be reaching the people who needed to hear them. If I am never misunderstood then I may never learn to express myself clearly.

There are consequences to all choices, the actions we take and the actions we refrain from taking, and recognizing that frees me from some decision paralysis. Perhaps these thoughts will be helpful for someone else some day so I'll let them here just in case.

#free will #vtubers of tumblr #compassion #mage prose

[unconventionalbrain]

My food stamps got cut off (that's a rant for another time) and while I still have a good amount left, I don't know if I'll get them back again so I'm looking at food banks. And I found a program that is exactly what I need - they deliver meals specially cooked for you to your door, for free, meaning I wouldn't have to spend spoons to get it and I wouldn't have to worry about not being able to eat it and it wouldn't cost any money I have such a hard time earning. I wanted to cry, and I'm not sure if it's because I found something so perfect or because I'm worried that they wouldn't think I need and therefore deserve it, because I do have some savings so at least for awhile I would be able to afford food, and I'm on the edge where potentially I could do some kind of work to actually make a living but I'm disabled enough that I haven't been able to actually *get* such work, and because I do currently go to the grocery store so clearly I am technically capable of getting food and don't need it delivered. But that doesn't account for how, when I spend spoons getting food, those are spoons I can't spend on work, and if I don't work enough, either I can't have a job at all or I earn so little money it's hard to pay rent.

And then I realized that I was looking this up because even though I wanted to go grocery shopping because I'm out of bread, it turns out I'm too exhausted today to leave my bed. I was just thinking about how I'm able to get food while being literally unable to get food. So now I am crying. And I'm out of bread in part because 1. the closest whole wheat bread I can eat is at the store I wanted to go to, ~10 blocks away, and that's too far for me to go to frequently 2. I eat a lot of bread because it really helps keep my ibs under control. I've been spending a lot of time trying to think how best to strategize getting groceries because it's so hard to get food that doesn't make me sick, while using as little spoons and money as possible, because I don't have enough spoons and I don't have a sustainable income.

It's fucked up that I'm worried about not deserving a service that I know would immensely improve my quality of life in a much needed way, and part of the reason is because I'm aware that there are a lot of people, too many people, in a worse and more urgent situation than I am, and that's fucked up. It's fucked up that we're all reliant on the generosity of people with more resources and more ability than us, rather than having systems in place to guarantee we have what we need.

I also cried when I was living in my first apartment and got help with the heating bills, because it got so cold I would physically shut down. That crying was from relief.

I didn't cry either of the times I first got on food stamps (first time ever, and then first time since moving to a state where I didn't think I'd qualify), but I wouldn't have been able to afford food without them. I didn't afford food without them. I got free food wherever I could, whether it made me sick or not, and I racked up a credit card bill I knew I couldn't pay.

#fun fact the grocery store in question doesn't accept food stamps online #even though other stores do #I don't know how that's legal #food stamps #food assistance #disability #food cw

[i-merani]

Oh ok, no legitimate answer then. Just "I like my shitty US media and am going to keep paying attention to it as if it's worth my time."

The photo was my answer actually you just missed my point. But that is okay, I'll go into detail here.

"Seeing so many people complain about US-centrism but then be deeply into mainstream US shows and films is just confusing." — criticizing a country's policies and the popular, narrow worldview of many of its citizens (which often reveals their ignorance of other cultures, traditions and history) does not mean I can't appreciate that country's art. It's like saying if I'm criticizing Russia for the invasion of Ukraine I couldn't possibly like Dostoevsky or Tchaikovsky. But neither of these artists have anything to do with Russia's expansionist policies now. I can appreciate Russian artists and also citicize Russians for their imperialist worldviews. Same way, I can criticize US dominance, and US-centrism while enjoying US art. (You are making me explain concepts that are understandable to 5 year olds)

"I literally live here and don't own cable or streaming services because of how deprived of art and taste Hollywood is. Have not listened to new music in English in several years." — just because you are too lazy to look beyond surface level mainstream media that is being advertised to you 24/7 doesn't mean that American artists don't create meaningful art. You just seem to think too highly of yourself and refuse to look beyond "deprived art of Hollywood". There is nothing to be proud about in your inability to appreciate the artists of your own country.

I can enjoyed good american movies and music but I can also enjoy good french, russian and movies/music of many other countries. The problem with americans, hence US-centrism, is that they live in such a big country that they are unable to see past its borders and assume that everyone must be like them (and they rarely engage with other countries culture/art/cinema). So when engaging in topics where US isn't the cenre of the conversation (mainly about geopolitics), they obviously make wrong conclusions based on wrong assumptions.

You can like your shitty US media and keep paying attention to it as if it's worth your time, or you could be less lazy, look beyond Marvel and discover the beauty of your country's art while simultaneously being critical of its current policies.

#asks

[madchild-dennis]

FUCK THIS SHIT!!!

I'M DONE WITH THIS DEPRESSION AND THE CAUSE BEHIND IT!!!

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!

I can't with this inability to function due to this funk. Which is on top of the fact that I do NOT have the nutrients and food energy each day. Which all ADDS to make me BARELY able to function each day. I have had enough of being unable to be okay unless I'm totally lost in a K drama or distracted. Or completely paralyzed by the cause of this fucking depression. So, I AM DONE.

I think it's time I start talk about the funk:

I know I've been depressed before. I've had it for many reasons. The last significant one was due to just being over life and this world. After trying and trying and can't progress plus how fucked up the world was. I was just over everything. Before that it was struggling and being around people daily who could help but chose to watch me and judge instead of help.

Before I talk about what I just experience, and REFUSE to make it my life, I'll talk about another mental health issue I struggle with. That's anxiety/panic attacks. This one does not have various reasons. It has one source. Emotional pain from someone I love or loved romantically. I had it significantly during the end and after the long distance stint. Then Raheem. I don't know what is the deep rooted trigger but it causes literal pain and discomfort. I always feel like I'd pass out or die every time. Especially when it is VERY aggressive.

Now the funk I choose NOT to stay in, started Saturday Night gone. You see, I went to church Saturday. The church I grew up in, Red Ground SDA Church because I was invited and God said to go. The church service overall in of itself was unremarkable, but God had his plan. As shared:

However the triggering moment came when a minister I feel is being led by God did a impromptu thing according to the topic of the day for vesper. The topic was "Bring Your Crawsies (crosses) to the Cross". As I said I was NOT blessed from the day's service except for the music and that impromptu vesper program. The Vesper asked us to have an introspective on ourselves. Asking the question what is the issue we are not bringing to God? Then encouraging us to write it down and bring it to God.

So I really thought about it. I know I bring my problems to God. Because dah I am going through all or most of it because of him. Then I remembered what I wrote here on Maliek:

You see Maliek would make a great partner (I will stop calling prospectives as replacement, because replacement refers to an original plan/person/choice. That not the case anymore) even with the Queen prospective. However, one big significant issue. This I am sure deterred some last year and only Nicholas wasn't hindered by it. That is the evidence of my obedience and how God started everything.

Things like:

Things I will not remove.

The reality of it can be a hinder. By then I already felt the pressure from God to date or just be open to it. I also made the decision before then to:

start dating...ish.

(it's ish because, being a Queen comes with responsibility, power, influence and more that I have to do. I will NOT waste my time with men who are CLEARLY not for me, this life nor this monarch in the name of dating.)

So I wrote on my paper that I did not want the fact of what I have done, declared, acknowledge or experience when it came to the bitch Raheem would hinder good and proper prospectives. It was, is and will be a significant thing. Especially for ANY self-respecting man who takes everything I say seriously. The only type I would be interested in. Yes, I do NOT want it to be an issue. However if I want a man who take EVERYTHING I say, do or more seriously. He would have to accept that as well. That is because I will NOT hide it, lie about it, remove evidences of it or pretend about it.

Why? It is not just of what I will do or how far I'd go for someone I loved. But it's the acknowledgement of all the secret battles, scars, midnight awaken declarations, spiritual warfares, sleepless nights, whole body disturbances, and so much more; things I experienced.

SO MANY THINGS THAT WERE VERY MUCH REAL AND HAPPENED TO ME in the past 2 years, at least that I HAD NO CHOICE ON, COULD NOT IGNORE OR AFFECTED MY LIFE ON A DAILY BASIS. Many things that add to the proof and evidences God brought to me OVER AND OVER AGAIN that he was with me or guided me. Even to do such STUPIDITY. Which resulted in these results.

Then I reached home and was watching TV and was left with my thoughts and situation. I was also HUNGRY. The only thing I could eat, based on what God allowed (he discouraged most/almost all the food currently in the house due to the stealth break ins he warned me about) and what I had. I only had MANGOES. Which I was getting TIRED of. Then the whole reflection on my life started.

I started to think, "damn, I am sacrificing A LOT for this. Sigh."

Something I did not liked but but accepted. I was tired of fighting God on the journey, responsibility, role or this calling, anymore. I ACCEPT IT ALL. Including the struggle. I tried not to let my moment of being overwhelmed, frustrated or simply giving up because I did NOT ask for this to take over. That literally became my thought.

Then God: If you accept that sacrifice, why do you not accept Raheem as a sacrifice you would have to take for a greater good. Me:

Then I really thought about it.

If God made sure I NEVER walk away from this journey no matter how much I tried. Specially chose me. NO MATTER WHAT I SAY, DO OR MORE, won't give up on me. Won't kill me. Called me special. Actually called me Perfect (I do NOT see it). Then showed me how VERY IMPORTANT what God has for me is. Showed me how many prayers would be answered. How many ancestors' prayers would be answered. So many injustices would be corrected. How many would FINALLY and TRULY see HIM through me, my monarch and kingdoms. Not the lie and fuckery God had to work around from the Christians who spew whatever fuckery in his name for centuries for their own selfish gains.

THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME.

So my thought was, "make the sacrifice to be with the asshole for God. I am already making sacrifices left, right and center. Just add this to it and just surrender."

So, mentally I did.

Then it BROKE ME:

And it continued to render me unfunctionable.

...until NOW

I broke down so much that the most I could do most of the days was to bathe, eat (mango) or watch K-drama. Then I got a little money and don't know how I had the strength to get into the town or walk. But I went and got some KFC and Ice cream,. Which would normally full my tummy but felt like a I threw a tiny stone into a large void. I was still hungry afterwards. I even thought, the lack of other nutrients was the reason for my inability to function or barely move. NO. That night I was shot with the biggest wave of paralytic emotional ailing. Yes because of him, the little shit. Simply from the possibility that I have to be with him and all the pain from it.

Even today/yesterday (when I started writing this), I was sluggish, depressed and broken because of it. Anyone who knows me, knows I move fast wherever, especially walking. I HATED IT. I came home and still torn by it. Especially with the latest Korean Drama I was watching starting to trigger me.

THEN, I said ENOUGH.

I did say I "MAY" have to make this sacrifice here:

source:

I choose NOT TO

The fun thing about my anxiety attacks, that I've learned from Nicholas: It ONLY affected me with the 5-year long ex and Raheem. Which I have chalked it up to men I loved but chose to play with my emotions, hurt me and do not love me. So, to not have anxiety attacks in romantic relations, is to find a man who will not hide his feelings, won't toy with mine or my emotions. A guy who wanted me, protects me, ACTUALLY LOVES ME and not afraid to show it in every way. It's like this K-drama, I'm watching now. The creators want us all to love the main guy. But the doctor, who have been trying to be there, respectful and considerate is who I am rooting for. Yes, it is a show, but it's real how many men will toy with your emotion for their selfish reasons.

Hence why there is a -ish on the dating.

I will date. So like the request I nearly accepted to go out, run errands and chill with a guy in Kingston tomorrow/later I would have accepted if I didn't have other commitments. Giving him a chance. However, I already have enough evidence to see that this individual does not like being alone or just wants company in his life. Someone who benefits him, but barely thinking about mutuality or partnership other than doing what he think he should in exchange for what he wants. THAT CANNOT WORK FOR ME. However, I will give him one chance to prove me wrong. Hence the -ish. I ain't spending time dating because I do not have anyone.

I am quite content with my singleness. I have ALWAYS been content with it and slow to the alter/date. I always said 27-57 is when I'd get married. Due to God's pressure on me to have a partner, I was rushing/pushing it.

Not anymore.

I am going to keep it SLOW like before, with this SAME timeline and results:

source:

It is HIGHLY POSSIBLE I can find a partner by October/November of this year, that's to my liking, good for me, good for the monarch, good for the children and more. However, I am NOT rushing, pressuring it to be so by then.

In regards to Raheem, it's the same as before.

He is DEAD

I will treat him as such until it is so. I won't even kill him because I won't even give him the time of day for me to slit his throat or such. Therefore, not even if he does as I ask will be enough. I AM DONE. He's forever rejected, gone and out of my life.

I do NOT care whatever else God translates to me spiritually, physically or more. Like last night where God woke me at 3+ am to tell me Raheem is coming to me (HE DID NOT). Such FUCKERY WILL BE IGNORED AND BE FOREVER DONE WITH.

If that mean I do not get to go back to sleep because I choose to ignore God. I do not get to go back to sleep.

If God want to threaten my life (FINALLY AND TAKE IT PLEASE), but he won't; I do NOT CARE.

God can threaten paralysis. I do NOT CARE.

If God threaten that my children will suffer. Well I hope they learn from it.

If God said my child I born will be raised without me. Well, he's not the future heir, so whoever will fuck up this child will be on GOD for trying to force me. Plus that child raised without me won't fuck up other's lives as heir. PLUS it's God's choice to do so and fuck with his plan not me. I never asked to be Queen and such.

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING GOD CAN DO, SAY OR USE TO CHANGE MY MIND ON THIS.

#Youtube

[finsterhund]

Liveblog kinda I guess?

Someone recommended I watch the horror movie "Come Play" (2020) because "that's basically you" and yeah ten minutes in and this is pretty much exactly what 2010s Cayden embodiment would be. Except pure and not deranged lmaoooo.

So far this seems to be a more typical horror movie so it's more of an "eat snacks and try to guess when a jump scare is happening" experience which is usually what I watch. It's serviceable if generic. Not really bringing anything new to the table or being too interesting. I've been focusing a lot on artsy indie horror of late so it's good to change things up and go back into something knowing it's not going to completely flood my brain. It's nice to have neurodivergent kid protagonist representation that doesn't turn the kid into a source of "ooooh scary" for the sake of "disability weird and creepy" either. I kept bracing for "autism scary" but they never resorted to that.

Jealous of the cool house he lives in. This is quickly becoming a pattern.

The picture book monster designs are straight up spectres. I swear to fuck. If the little common spectres could grow up I guess. I want the in-universe book as like a hardcover or something it's cute. Can't tell if it's a ploy or if it's really a heartfelt monster friend yet. That's the fun of it. Could be either OR BOTH. I'd love to see that more in things. Where a supernatural creature is a predator with hunting instincts but it's not evil and will potentially under ideal circumstances be able to pack bond with humans who are otherwise a prey item.

Not gonna lie thinking about it now having it being central to the plot of a movie I am somewhat jealous of the availability of digital speaking devices possible with today's technology. I would have been far more articulate if I had something like that when my selective mutism was at its worst. May have made it easier for me to break into the wider world. Get more of a headstart. Saying that though the movie is quick to remind that neurotypicals can be fucking mean and stupid about accessibility tools. Not to go on and bash neurotypicals for seven hours straight but people get so fucking weird about this sort of thing. Call us unable to adapt to things but can't just roll with it when it comes to fairly cut and dry extensions of the self.

By the time I finally had an assistance device (first laptop) it was in high school and everyone learned to mind their own fucking business. I'd get chewed out by the occasional teacher but they quickly discovered I can't write for shit and that it was the only possible way I could take notes.

I'm expecting the "phone bad" plot to be stupid and drag my experience down but we will see.

I'm not liking the parents very much but how much of that is personal bias I cannot say. I may just be very stressed at the moment and projecting onto characters I know next to nothing about yet. The mom seems ok but the dad has a classic case of the "not really being there in equal measure as the mom is" that might imply worse.

Props to how you can really hear the parent's opinions and the learned ableism through the kid in Oliver's class whinging about how he gets "special treatment" for having use of a phone for accessibility. It really sounds like the sort of stuff you just know the kid is parroting from their shitty parent. The teacher could have handled it better than making it about that kid doing something to not deserve his phone as a toy. Should have instead been explaining that Oliver literally needs his for accessibility. But a lot of the time that is how these situations are mishandled by well-meaning but otherwise incorrect neurotypicals. The "clap back" at the kid who played Fortnite on his phone rather than explaining that the nonverbal kid uses his as a TOOL. and that's what's different.

The scene where the one kid from the bully's group lures Oliver with surface niceness just to get him away from prying eyes so their group can berate him is perfectly illustrated also. Because yeah they know to superficially not bully someone with disabilities, they know how to play nice, and the whole "pretending to be your friend to fuck with you" shit was very prevalent. I like how despite this being handled well it's not overly triggering like it could be.

God watching this just makes me wish we could have grown up together. This is a fictional fucking character but I know what he's going through so much and it's just not fair.

A lot of the spooky shit is interesting and isn't overdone visuals. Like the part with the papers in the car park. The camera filter scene also got me too. Because I am scared of cameras and the dark and faces. 🙃 The movie doesn't have deep psychological environmentally impressive fear building but the simple jump scares don't feel shitty either. It's basic for a horror movie but inoffensive.

Also I was right in the beginning to feel sus about the parents. They're having fights about Oliver and the mom is going on about how much she wishes she could "get rid of that part of him" so that she "wouldn't have to deal with it" as if it isn't literally a facet of who he is. The dad responds that it wouldn't be him then. The mom I swear to fuck I hate her. Shut the hell up "you have any idea what it's like for your own child to never look you in the eyes?" Bitch shut up. The kid doesn't feel comfortable with eye contact it's one little fucking thing to you but it's really significant issues for him. The mom is going on about how he apparently loves the dad but hates her. Oh I don't know autism warrior mom Karen perhaps he is able to tell and feel the way you talk and think about him? Like this? Right now? And that's why he doesn't feel comfortable or safe around you? Do you magically think he doesn't understand or feel the energy and vibes you emit about him? He's autistic, not mindless. For fucks sake. You think because he doesn't do things the way you think is the only way to do them he isn't able to at all? Gah. The dad being less present in his life is a double edged sword. Negative in that he could be there more for him but positive in the fact that when he is there he isn't a fucking bitch. Of course the kid is going to like him more. (I am taking this too personally I realize but jesus christ does this really hit at a sore spot)

"Larry" communicating with the same speech program Oliver uses is supposed to be creepy. They have him looking shocked and play suspense chords but I just think it's sweet. They're able to use the same aid and it's probably the first time Oliver has really had that sense of familiarity. I know that this is a monster and it's probably gonna try to eat him or something but so far the literal spectre ass looking demon thing has been more compassionate, respectful, considerate, and willing to be accessible to Oliver than any other major character. It's just scary and from another dimension. It feels like the monster is an allegory for having a disability that you're ostracized for.

Fucking screaming at the mom planning get togethers with the bully just because she's friends with his mom. Again, this is a common thing and it doesn't work out anywhere near as much as it should for parents to keep doing. But the mom being a fucking shit I realize she's likely never going to intentionally try to go out and find other disabled and/or neurodivergent kids to introduce Oliver to. These sorts of parents hope their kid will find "normal" friends that will make them "more normal" they already have to "suffer" "dealing with" their disabled kid they're not going to want to care for his peers too. 😔

The mom fucking going "can you try and have some fun for me?" You are literally forcing your kid to hang out with someone they don't want to, that I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt in assuming you aren't aware is bullying him. You are taking away what little autonomy he has in his life at the present. God. And the cherry on top is him leaving a situation that's uncomfortable to him (terrified his phone is possessed) and the mom of course assumes it's all about her, that he's avoiding her.

God the bully's whole friend group gets invited to the sleepover and the literal first interaction I see of the bully's mom with him is her joking about how she wants to get rid of him and load him off on Oliver's mom. Just casually joking about not wanting to be around your son to his face. That's lovely.

Christ the bully's mom asking Oliver's mom if she can say hi to him. As if he's her pet and not his own person. 😬 100% why the bully is like this.

CHRIST THE BULLY KIDS WERE LIKE "WHYS HE BEING WEIRD?" AND BEFORE THE BULLY'S MOM CAN TELL HIM OFF OLIVER'S MOM SAYS "ITS OKAY" I want Larry to kill this fuck so bad. She then goes on to explain stimming... I guess. The fact that the moms are talking about his personal developmental milestones also just right in front of him and the other kids. Man for fucks sake stop it. Can you at least make the effort to pretend to give him a level of privacy and dignity?

It's really hard at times to not want the bully kids to get got by the monster lol. Sometimes their lines make it clear they're just wildly misinformed and other times there's that level of cruelty that I still don't know where some kids get it from and other times they're behaving a bit too "adult wrote the lines" bully cliche.

Larry being described as pale when he's been depicted until this point as corpse-black threw me for a loop. Was hoping this wouldn't end up being another pasty white "rake-esque" creature. It got old fast lol

I get the feeling that if the bullies don't die they're gonna end up friends with Oliver through shared trauma. Jokes on you nobody's getting out of this neurotypical.

Yeah the "real life" Larry design is just uninspired copy of the rake. The visual effects are good but man.

I don't get why they blamed Oliver for that shit with the book though. Like they witnessed all the bulbs go and the creepy ebook and the table move on its own. What do they think he's got telekinesis or something? What happened really doesn't seem like something they'd all collectively make up the same story to blame on him. If that actually happened they'd be going on about ghosts or some shit surely? Frustrated me and I had to pause for a bit.

Have yet to see "phone bad" at all and maybe they won't do that. But the mom is a sack of shit so don't hold your breath.

God the mom thinking he did it. Yeah I'm sure your kid did all that with his mind. Of course.

Also next day at school one of the bully kids has a chew stim????? He's never shown with one before. He's only got it now that their ringleader is absent from school? Which shows I guess that they join him in picking on the more obviously neurodivergent kid to try and prevent him from targeting them as well? Sadly a realistic thing that happens also. Bully kid is clearly traumatized so I guess my joke about nobody leaving this story neurotypical is coming true to some extent. Then he confesses it wasn't Oliver but the Larry entity. The weird thing is the mom believes now too because she was in the house when it again started fucking with shit but even though it's shown to have control over the house she zeros in on the tablet. Eventually the dad finally takes Oliver and immediately he's a better parent. Brought him to his job at a toll booth car park and encourages him to participate and explains to him aspects of the job that make it accessible. Saying that you can watch cartoons when you're not dealing with customers. I feel he means well.

Find it funny that everyone's immediate first reaction to the Larry book showing up randomly is to read it. And read it aloud. Oh neat a spooky monster kids book is on this ipad. Gonna read it out loud. I've got nothing better to do.

Again, the different ways they show that the invisible entity is in the physical world and where/how it's moving is pretty cool. The cameras, the laser sight measurement tool, THE STICKY HAND. The use of the sticky hand is GOATed

This fucking speech therapist is bringing up PHYSICAL EMPATHS. Aka pseudoscience. Being like "the reason you are also experiencing this creature from Oliver's imagination is because you love him very much" which is bullshit because 1. she fucking doesn't. 2. The closest observed condition that this could even remotely be compared to is Folie à Deux. There is no fucking basis of "empaths" as having psychosomatic reactions like this in real life wtfffffff. Everyone in this movie except for the goddamn monster and kinda the dad is absent incompetent negligent or stupid to the point of infuriating ineptitude in being there for Oliver. Christ. Then this stupid fucking mom is like "oh I destroyed *that* device. As if the problem was a single thing and not idk. It did stuff in your fucking house. What is the logic of this!? They even discussed how Oliver has been using multiple screens for so and so long period of time wtffffff

Oh I fucking knew it was the bully kid's mom who was why he turned out that way. The reveal felt so validating. These poor kids. The bitch tricked her kid into thinking Oliver hated him and turned him against him. Jesus Christ. Felt so gratifying when they realized and made up. She is now the character I want to die the most. Second is Oliver's mom obviously.

The later parts of the Larry book make it clear that the monster is at the very least possessive and will kill those who get in its way but still no confirmation if it has ulterior motives to making friends. It looks like it's just really possessive and lonely. Are they trying to set it up as being evil???

The scene with the streetlights going off behind the car is sick af. God. Too bad Larry himself the real world version sucks. Got a closeup of his face and it's just not working for me as a design. Took the mom way too long to realize that this thing wasn't tied to just the one tablet. The way it talks by skipping channels to different words is a neat concept but ruins the mystery of it. Okay Larry you go and villain monologue to the mom through the TV. That's great. Finally we get to the "phone bad"-ism where "everyone's so lonely looking at their screens all the time that it literally created Larry out of their loneliness" man wtf. If you love someone who's in another continent go fuck yourself I guess. You're actually lonely. You don't have real relationship through the screen. Never mind the fact that the main character is literally only so reliant on electronics because it's his fucking accessibility device. He is using it to communicate in person. God they didn't think this through. Also this movie literally came out in 2020 I think Larry being born is small potatoes compared to the obvious alternative of everyone dying from a certain pandemic. Hmmm 😬

I was really hoping it wouldn't pull a "phone bad" but somehow it held off on doing so and then did so in a way that's somehow worse.

God the mom being like "Larry is lonely? How do you think I would feel if Larry took Oliver?" Always making it about you. Not to mention the fact that you treat him bad and talk shit about him and say that he doesn't love you as much as his father because he won't overstep his own personal boundaries for your benefit. Everything you've done and said up until this point would indicate that you'd enjoy your life better if it did just go and take Oliver.

God the mom is something else. running around like a chicken with its head cut off grabbing every screen in sight in the house and yeeting it out the door when the obvious solution is to take Oliver somewhere else. Then when I think it won't get any worse she's unscrewing all the fucking lightbulbs. Making a racket. Oliver is having a meltdown and the bitch screams at him "can't you just be normal for one second" oh I dunno. You're acting like a complete mindless stupid dumb animal right now, assuming it's because you're stressed. Maybe have some of that fucking "you love him so much empathy" the speech therapist thinks you have for once and understand that he's stressed and scared out of his mind. The irony that Oliver has handled everything better than her is obvious to seemingly everyone except her and the writer. Ugh.

Saw a blurry dark camera angle of toys on the floor and immediately went "lol Skinamarink" so my brain is broken obviously.

Oh fuck it wasn't the bully's mom who lied and manipulated the situation and ruined the friendship (???) It was Oliver's stupid fucking mom? (Honestly I think it was equal parts both of them but ymmv. I do not understand this reveal) And during this reveal she's trying to force him to look her in the eyes. And they're hiding from the monster. And poor Oliver writes that he wants it to take him because she ruined his friendship 😭 god. I just can't.

First decent thing this shitheel does is recognize that Oliver calms himself with the SpongeBob theme song and hums it to him. It came out of nowhere. Really didn't feel this character has grown enough for this moment. Doesn't feel deserved.

Yeah the clearer the shots we get of Larry the more I can see his real world design sucks. Disappointing. I must stress the practical effects that bring him to life are incredible. Great effects. Just I'm so tired of oversaturated trope of tall pale humanoid creature. He's got pretty boring designed feet and hands too like. It's like if they took all the style out of the monster designs in Little Nightmares. So you're left with mildly uncanny valley stretched out hairless man.

The mom is something else. "This thing is powered by electricity. Why do you keep saying for us to go to the field???!!" Oh I don't know 😒 truly one of life's greatest mysteries.

The mom sacrificed herself to the creature which is honestly the only way I think she could have redeemed herself. Kinda saw this coming with the "only goes away when you finish the story, give it your hand" thing. Doesn't feel at all earned. I mean yeah she gave up her life to protect him even though she did it right in front of him and further traumatized him 🙃 again, the story keeps having this issue where it will suddenly insist the whole universe revolves around Oliver's mom.

There's some pretty big storytelling inconsistency whiplash in this movie. It really had no business sympathizing with the mom so much. She literally caused every non supernatural problem and significantly worsened the supernatural ones. In the end she like... comes back as a ghost and spends time with him and definitely loves him unconditionally now. We hope. The movie wants us to think this. She has the teensiest amount of redemption and it implies more than shows that she's learned from her negligence and wrongdoing.

I did like a lot of what this movie did but god the autism mom martyr complex shit is genuinely wrong and bad. The narrative that parents of autistic children are heroes and the true "victims" of the "disease" for their insurmountably good deed of not abandoning their own children and blah blah blah is wretched. It's the mindset that makes the "charity" Autism Speaks so insidious. They don't care about autistic people. They care about the poor undeserving neurotypicals who are forced to have autism in their lives 😒

This movie could have been an absolute banger if it instead focused on Oliver dealing with this creature. Hell, I was hoping that he would bring it into the real world to stay rather than what it wanted which was the reverse and after the friendship he had with bully kid was repaired he'd introduce Larry into their newly forming friend group or some shit. Or that the creature was insidiously trying to take advantage of the situation to capture him or something. But no. We got "phones bad" because they somehow created this creature who only wants friends but is also violent and scary, and several times is shown in a comparative way to the autistic boy, and we have shitty mother redemption. God.

It really felt like there was a good story here and a lot of stuff was really good but the bad shit is impossible to ignore. The actors were all good but yeah there's some serious issues with the writing and message. Very frustrating. They didn't use the kid being autistic for horror because instead they made the monster essentially a representation of a neurodivergent child and blamed his creation on the use of the very same electronic devices that the autistic boy used to empower himself and have more autonomy. Yeesh that's a big issue.

Oliver was such a tender sweetheart literally didn't deserve any of this.

I went into this thinking "oh boy this is just run of the mill monster horror shit that has a relatable protagonist unlike the artsy horror this isn't gonna make me use my brain" but no that quickly changed.

It is worth noting that I never finished the Babadook because of all the issues I had with it. This feels like it wanted to right those wrongs but still valued neurotypical comfort and status quo over neurodivergent child acceptance.

Idk I'm probably way too hard on the mom character but just this once can we have an autistic kid being loved not in spite of his autism but including his autism? Please?

#text post #long post #negative #cw: ableism #I was at first so into this movie and it just god #HoD despite Andy not officially confirmed as such still continues to be the best in neurodivergent child empowerment monster horror #please can I have some more I am starving

[t4tdykes]

mmm

death and abuse in the tags

#yeah. my nana is gonna die soon and i had been thinking about calling her for *months* and never did #because i never. showed her my transition she never saw me post-op she has. no idea who i am #she's gonna die before ever really meeting me and i am never going to get her to see me and i was. selfish? #to just be so consumed with fear that anything i told her would just make its way back to my old man #because it's been no-contact for maybe like #four years now? coming up on five in october i think. and for good reason. and i can't. see him. y'know. like i can't. #and going to hospice going to a service going anywhere he might be is dangerous. i have almost no family because of hiding from him. #and that is usually. fine. i guess. because i hate most of them anyway they're just as cruel and disgusting but. #i love my uncle joe? i love my sister? and i do love my nana. even if she's hurt me so much too. #i want to at least. see her or pay some respects when i can but i don't know *when* i can because of this hurdle. #i can't go to a service. i am literally unable now to go to my own grandmother's funeral service. because her son decided to [redacted] me #how is. how is that fair how is that like. okay. on any level how is it okay that he gets to keep his family and i am excised from it #the same way his first victim was excommunicated and we were all fed lies about why that was. #it's a violent sickening cycle and i should not be losing so much for the simple crime of being. born. being hurt. scared. sick. #it's complete bullshit and he should be dying honestly. he should be dead for everything he's done. #not that nana isn't just Ready. she is. it's been a long time coming she's 85 she's ready. #but the last few years didn't have to be so fraught with tension and anger and running in circles. i could have just had a grandmother. #in a better world i'd be able to say goodbye like any ordinary grandson. and she would know me as her grandson and it'd be okay. #i was going to write a poem about this a few months ago. something about how she'll never see that i'm a better man than her son. #and the best part is i'm only somewhat a man. but i still have him beat. and. no one will ever see it. i do not exist. #a.txt

[winterandwords]

Tipping and Ad-free Tumblr (and Post+ a little bit)

I just noticed, totally by accident, that Tumblr has introduced tipping. It's only for people in the USA for now (as in, only people in the USA can enable it on their blogs), but I love this as a thing?!

Subscribing to lots of individual creators' content in an ongoing way, like with Patreon, isn't a realistic option for me but I do love being able to pay people for making stuff I enjoy if they don't have a thing for actual sale that I can buy.

I also really like the idea of being able to enable tips (Tumblr, please make this available elsewhere) because I don't want to sell books, short stories etc but it would be awesome for people to be able to contribute something if they want to and are able to. This is how I'm planning to publish my work on my own website and being able to do it on other sites would be epic!

Also, the ad-free subscription. I know this is probably very unpopular-opinion of me, but I'm all for that. Websites, especially big ones, cost an absolute fuckload to run. I used to work for a very large creative platform and it blew my mind that people got legit ANGRY, as if they were being horribly exploited, about having the option between paying for a subscription or seeing some ads and using the site and all its services for free.

Yes, it would be beautiful if everything in the world could be free. Yes, it fucking SUCKS not having enough money to pay for things (not going to get all life story on you, but I promise I am very familiar with that experience on a pretty catastrophic level). But paid subscription or free-with-ads is a very normal internet thing and $4.99 per month/$39.99 per year is not an unusual amount to charge for a sub to a website you use all the time.

That last bit. The all the time bit. If you can't afford to pay for no ads, or you aren't bothered about ads, or you feel very strongly about not paying for websites you use for whatever reason, this isn't for you. If you can afford to pay for no ads, you are bothered by ads, and you're ok with paying for stuff and/or actively want to support things you get a kick out of on the daily, it's not a terrible idea to be able to do that if you choose to.

Same with tipping. And Post+ actually, although I know very little about it. If you can't afford to engage with those things or don't want to, fair enough. Cool. You do you. The option is absolutely there to simply not.

But seeing people complain about subscription formats existing at all blows my mind. While we live in a world where it costs money for services to exist (yes, a website to share your creative work and consume other people's, or even just where you share and enjoy memes and fun stuff, is a service) and where individual people need money to live, having options for people who can afford to contribute to do that is surely a good thing.

I fully get that not everyone is going to agree with me here. Maybe this is partly an age thing? I don't know. I'm old as shit - 41, which is pretty much a reanimated corpse in Tumblr years (and I've been here under different usernames since Tumblr started, so I'm not a new person Having An Opinion without understanding).

Maybe it's also about being deeply invested in people being able to explore options for making money through creativity outside of a limited range of societally imposed structures of labour. I'm chronically ill and disabled (which I never talk about here, but hi, here it is), and while I can absolutely do things, I am literally unable to perform to the required level within those existing external structures of labour (which I know, because I did it for years out of necessity and it's kind of miraculous I'm still breathing tbh).

There's a massive difference between being able to do things and being able to do specific things within externally set boundaries, with externally set requirements, and with the consistency and reliability necessary to earn a regular income from employers, clients and customers. OK, tangenting. Back on track.

I'm not saying everything should be one particular way because it suits me. I'm saying let there be options, even if they're not your ideal options. Open up new possibilities. Open up ALL the possibilities. Let people do beautiful chaotic creative things outside of highly gatekept systems where those things wouldn't be accepted and still thrive. Let these options exist and evolve. Let them have fully-featured, active, well-funded platforms to exist and evolve that don't vanish overnight because there wasn't enough money.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

#the shit in my head #writeblr #writeblr community #writer #writers #writers of tumblr #writers on tumblr #tumblr writers #writers community #writing #am writing #writing community

[thesickpanda]

Honey, there's isolation and then there's isolation.

I've seen many chronically ill, neurodivergent, poor and disabled people discussing their bemusement at the cries of lament from the well-off able-bodied people who now have to self-isolate, cancel their plans, postpone holidays and miss out on fun events. It's quite something to behold. It’s fascinating (in a horrible way) to witness these people who are used to getting what they want now finding that they can't have it; that that instant gratification has been removed for them. Now they're staring down the prospect of being lonely for a few months, unable to see friends, sometimes even family, unable to go out to the movies or the festivals. And we're sitting here like, yo - welcome to our world.

 It's hard to put into words how frustrating it is to see governments putting in measures for tele-health services, working from home practices and teaching through Skype to students et cetera. For decades, disabled/sick/neurodivergent folks were told that these accommodations couldn’t be made for us, but now suddenly they can. Now suddenly there's money for it. Funny that.

 When we've talked about how lonely and isolated we feel as people with disabilities, we've been dismissed, victim-blamed or infantilized. But now the ableds are feeling it, a flood of “community compassion” initiatives and “mental health advice for dealing with isolation” is being made freely available to them.

 And yet previously, we used to hear things like: “You're so lucky you get to stay at home: I wish I could just be on Netflix all day!” Or, “You don't have to deal with people. That sounds like utopia to me!” 

Not so much fun in reality, is it?

The latest banger I heard was from my sibling. I told her that after a long winter, months of bushfires, unprecedented floods and now this virus, I had essentially been self-isolating for six months and another six months was going to make me lose my mind. Her response was, “well, at least you've had practice. This is all so new for the rest of us!”

 Yes, I have had practice. I have developed strategies for dealing with crippling loneliness. I have had to find ways to entertain myself whilst experiencing horrific symptoms of pain, nausea, digestive issues and more. I've had to learn not to take it too personally when friends cancel on seeing me or sensing their disappointment/bemusement when I cancel on seeing them. Yes, I have had lots of practice. It doesn't make it any less awful though.

 Australia has had a particularly bad run. The bushfires broke out in spring and for almost all of November and December we literally could not go outside because the air was toxic. The smoke blocked out the sun, rained apocalyptic ash and embers on us which sparked more fires. I have a compromised immune system and so I really felt the effects of the smoke. Red eyes, runny nose, sore throat - the works. That crushing, extended period of terror took a huge toll on me mentally, as well. Then, just as the smoke started to clear a little, the heat waves came. I'm talking about 48°C (113°F) days. You cannot go out in that. More people die from heat waves than most other natural disasters combined, and people were dying in Australia. People died from the smoke and the heat and that doesn't even include deaths from the fires themselves. Then the fires were put out not just by some heavy rain but by actual torrential flooding. So for a few weeks in February we were cooped up indoors unable to go out because the train lines had literally washed away and it was too dangerous to drive.

 And then the coronavirus hit Australia.

 Now everyone is being told to lock themselves in their homes. For many of us, particularly the chronically ill and most vulnerable, we've already had months and months of that. And bear in mind: I had to pretty much self-isolate all winter. Because such cretins like anti-vaxxers exist, it's really difficult for those with compromised immune systems to go out in winter and not get sick with the flu, which can be crippling or even deadly for us. Secondly, winter is extremely hard on my body. My pain gets infinitely worse in the cold weather. Last year I spent most of winter inside. I barely saw the sun. The only way I can get through those 3 to 5 months of cold is keeping in mind the prospect of spring and summer, when I can go out more often. But I couldn't go out in the spring and summer of 2019. My long stretch of being stuck indoors went on and on and on, and now I'm being told it could be another six months before I can go out again  - just in time for the start of the next bushfire season.

 After all the hardships we endured last year and after finally giving up running my not-for-profit due to worsening health, we really needed something to look forward to in 2020. I had no less than 14 medical appointments in the first eight weeks of this year. We spent thousands of dollars on seeing specialists and therapists to try to fix my broken body. The only time I would be out of the house was to see another medical professional. And then I broke up with my friend of 14 years (and his family), which led to me feeling more alone and more depressed. And then my elderly friend died at the end of February. Everything looked bleak.

 Strapped for cash, my partner tried to think of affordable ways we could still have fun this year. We finally had our own home, so maybe we could invite people over. Our social lives really suffered while running the non-profit, especially with all the drama of last year, so this year we pledged would be different.

We spent half a day in February in front of our wall planner and planned boardgame nights, our birthday parties, dinners with friends and excursions at local festivals and markets. I felt my spirits pick up a little and hope stir in my heart.

 All that has been cancelled now.

 For someone who is chronically ill and alone most of the time, we live for these outings. We live for the moments of socialization and human bonding that we are otherwise deprived of so much of the time. These things are the light at the end of the tunnel of pain and nausea and sickness. So to have that taken away from us? There are no words to describe how eviscerating that emotional pain is.

 To add insult to injury, we’re currently watching able-bodied people behaving even more despicably than usual. They descend like locusts on stores and rob the vulnerable, including our poorest regional communities (STILL RECOVERING FROM BUSHFIRES), of their food and resources. We’re witnessing them stepping over the disabled, sick and impoverished to panic buy all basic necessities. We hear them complaining about how hard it's going to be to give up seeing the football and to stay home with the kids these next few months. It's fucking galling. Now they are starting to taste what we have to experience, and yet there is still no consideration for what we’re going through.

 Instead, we hear shit like: "The self-isolation thing is so annoying. I mean, it's only the sick and elderly who will die from it so I don't see why I can't go out to a concert!"

 Only the sick and the elderly: this implies our lives have no inherent value. But I guess, under a capitalist system, that's how people see things.

  I am just so goddamn tired. I’m tired of trying to be positive all the time when things are just terrible right now. I’m tired of being dismissed, ignored, or made to feel like a whiny burden. I’m tired of the hypocrisy.  I am tired of the fear and selfishness and ugliness all around me. I’m tired of being sick and I’m tired of being punished for it.

This coronavirus has highlighted so many deep flaws with our culture and our economic system. It’s shown up humans for the self-centered, individualistic bigots we are. It’s illuminated how pathetic our treatment is of the world’s most vulnerable. It’s really underscored how incompetent our leaders are. Not that this will motivate anyone to change anything. Keep selfish, carry on.

And so it goes. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow…

#spoonie rants #chronic illness #chronic pain #the ableds are at it again #abledsareweird #fuck ableism #coronavirus #covid19 #Fibromyalgia #seriously Australia #get a grip #disability and isolation

[bbq-hawks-wings]

Art reposting etiquette

I see art theft happen a lot, and whether or not it's true or has just been happening more frequently in the circles I follow I can't help but at least feel like it's becoming more and more of a problem.

To be clear, "reposting" is downloading art from a website that you did not make or own, and uploading it as a separate post, regardless of where and how it's presented - with notable exception of header and profile pictures assuming they are not trying to imitate the artist. Not all art theft is reposting, but all improper reposting is art theft.

As cut and dry as "stop art theft it's bad, don't repost art" posts make it sound, there are several benevolent reasons people may want to repost such as:

Believing they are spreading the artist's influence around the internet

Adding intrigue or a visual aid to a fanfiction

Sharing some neat art they thought was really cool

Just to name a few

Assuming the best in people, these are not necessarily bad reasons and DON'T MAKE PEOPLE BAD, but many often don't understand there's a dark side to the reposting issue.

People who may want more art may be unable to find the original creator

People may not realize that the artist makes rent with the very artwork you're enjoying and they may be looking at stolen premium content meant to put food on the table

People take art and further edit it so that it becomes even harder to trace back to the original

Malicious websites and bots find popular fanart and illegally use it to produce bootleg merch. This has a double-whammy effect when someone sees the merch IRL when out and about and wants it because it's cool art of their favorite character but don't realize the artist is actively being robbed.

Reposting art makes it harder for the artist to track down the thief and take legal action as well as actively funnels traffic away from their business. By and large it should always be assumed that reposting for any reason is damaging to the artist's wellbeing; and frankly, if you don't care you're actively hurting someone, it makes you the asshole, not me for calling you out.

But, that isn't to say reposting is NEVER allowed, but ONLY UNDER EXTREMELY SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCES. That's the point of this post.

Before you can decide if you should even attempt to repost art, check these things first:

If it says directly on the art "do not repost" don't waste your time. They are not going to make an exception for you.

Check to see if the art is already on the platform you're planning to upload to (especially here on Tumblr). Often, artists make it a point to put their work in very specific locations for their own reasons. They may not want their work on your website at all and you need to respect that.

Gain the artist's explicit permission after explaining where you want to repost their work, which work you want to repost, and why with how you plan to credit them. If you gain permission, keep a copy of the conversation for your own protection. If you do not gain permission, don't repost at all.

If you gain permission to repost art, these things are an absolute necessity:

Mention of the artist's name

THEIR main platform of choice

link to the original piece used

It would likely look something like this:

Artwork uploaded with express permission by @[artist] on [website], found here - (hyperlinked to original piece)

Bonus information to include:

Additional social media handles of the artist

Link to the artist's Patreon and/or Ko-Fi if available

Link to artist's store if available

Hyperlinking the image itself so other users can just click it to find the work/artist

Remember reposting should be about the artist, NOT YOU. You didn't create the work, and even if you supported them via Patreon it still doesn't belong to you, nor are you entitled to it. A commission you personally paid for is the only piece of work of that artist's creation you are ever entitled to unless otherwise stated in a contract when you bought it.

To continue to cover my bases I'm going to address some stances that may pop up about the issue:

"I didn't know reposting was that bad!"

It's okay. That's why I made this post. In general, as a supportive fan and consumer you should try to learn how artists are rewarded for their work on different platforms. YouTube is different from Instagram is different from Facebook is different from Tumblr. Learn which best ways to support your favorite artists in the ways that are most beneficial to them, even if all they ask for is respect and a little appreciation. And do take down any art you may have reposted. It can continue to do damage by remaining up, but removing it almost always mitigates any future harm and genuinely helps. Now you know better and can be better moving forward!

"I can't get ahold of the artist for permission."

Don't repost it then. Remember, at the end of the day reposting is only good for the reposter in fake internet points or actual money/intellectual property stolen but always tangibly hurts the artist. It sucks, but they have a right to determine where and how their hard work is displayed.

"Whatever, I'll do what I want. Lol"

Enjoy your takedown. Hey, artists, did you know you can find each website's terms of service and figure out how to submit a report with the offending post and user, and they're usually good about getting it down within days?! Look for "misappropriation" that's your ticket! 😊

But seriously, repeat offenders can get permanently banned from sites and even sued for actual real-world money and damages over your precious fake internet points. It actually pays to not be an ass!

"But I just want to support the artist and reposting is so easy!"

You know what's even easier?

It's literally only one or two clicks to support the artist or tell them how much you love their work! Most other platforms make supporting content creators just as easy, and some platforms even PAY the creators based on them or enable them to grasp opportunities to be paid!

"But I don't want to bog down my followers with a huge reblog dump of one person's stuff."

Put it in queue to space it out, then.

"I don't have money to support the artist so I repost instead to give them exposure."

Time and time again it's been proven that reposting actively funnels money AWAY from them. You don't have to monetarily support them with much. Buy one thing from their store or give them $1 on Ko-Fi. If you can't even do that, tell them you love their stuff and shout to the rooftops where someone else can pay them; but don't make it harder for them to get paid. Too many artists "die of exposure."

"Why do you even care?"

I AM an artist. I currently support artists with real money monthly because I love their work. I only ever make money off my own art on commissions, and that relies on people being able to find me. I'm not even the one supporting my two children, husband, pet, and medical expenses with only this option to pay for it, and you bet your butt I still would be pissed if I ever found out my art had been misappropriated. Some people do this to SURVIVE and I want to see that those who do have as little unnecessary struggle with it as possible.

"It's fanart/fan content put on the internet for free I can do whatever I want with it!"

At least in North America the law says you can't. Did you know that the way laws are currently written, if someone takes a picture of you and finds a way to make money off that photo they don't owe you a dime? They hold the copyright to it. When art is displayed publicly, that copyright is not surrendered and is automatically afforded to the artist by virtue of it being their specific expression and work. By being their work, they can actually sue you for stealing their property.

Ask Disney, they're really good at it.

And to close this out I want to say one more thing: the internet has changed a LOT in the time I started browsing from the early 2000's. Rules are different, cultures are different, and for younger people especially you may not understand how some have had to (and still do) fight tooth and nail over this internet space and still make it.

If you didn't know all this, THAT'S OKAY! You're learning, and the internet is more or less a wild west right now. That means it's equal opportunity to be a killing field or a place we can lift up and support each other. Reposting is just one corner of the bad things that can come of it, but now you know how to help and even start reversing the damage.

Learn about how people who upload free content make money. When you find misappropriated work, report them to the site and try to inform the artist - don't even acknowledge the thief, just slap a ticket on them and move on. Teach others how and why reposting is bad and what they can do to help.

If you love free content, show respect and protect it. Otherwise, artists will have to put it behind a paywall and that content you loved will disappear over time. Respect will get you a much greater return than entitlement.

#she speaks #this is meant to be educational not a callout post #do not harrass anyone you find reposting art #never do it - you here me!!! #i see it all the time #stop it #and if you reposted it's ok #i'm not after you #i just want you to know and learn