#i can spend hours looking at myself in the mirror but i dont | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

i99zhuo · 2 months

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A routine inspired by thewizardliz ? She has skin care hair care routine reads motivating books

How to live like thewizardliz 🧚🏼‍♀️🪄⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊ quit your lazy girl era!

This is a guide on daily routines inspired by Thewizardliz! This routine is perfect to stop being lazy and pathetic and finally start taking care of yourself!

content list (routines):

morning

study

workout

shower + self care

night

(_ _ ) . . z Z⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚୨ :★: ୧ ∗ ˖࣪ ໒꒱ ˚₊·

✸ ꒰ morning routine ꒱⋆ ࣪.* ࣪.⋆

🧼 First things first, after you wake up make sure to drink water to boost your metabolism throughout the day! Also, create a mind movie so you can watch it everyday after you wake up.

Now, take your journal and start writing about your dream, ideal higher self, ask yourself questions like ‘What reality do i want to create?´ 'Who do i look up to?’ ‘What is the behavior I need to change about myself?’ ‘What's a new habit that I would like to create?’ ‘What is a thing I can focus on right now?’. After we have in mind who we want to become, it's important that every little decision you make today is centered to achieve your goals, and become your dream self. You can listen to a podcast while doing this so you get motivation!

💶 Then, head to the bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror and start repeating positive affirmations, such as ‘I am so beautiful’ or ‘My hair looks so pretty today’, even if you don't believe it, having a positive mindset is going to help us to stay in track with our goals!

Take care of your teeth, Liz says that our smile is one of the most important things in a person, and one of the key things that is going to make you more attractive! so, make sure to brush your teeth, floss, clean your tongue, etc.

🛣 Liz has a rather simple skincare routine, since her skin is so sensitive, it only consists of using a foam cleanser, moisturizer and eye cream to help with her eye bags.

Next step is to research and find our own personal clothing and makeup style, find out your body type, personal color, face shape, etc. It doesn't matter if you have to mix multiple styles that already exist to make your own! The most important thing is to feel comfortable while wearing those clothes or having that type of makeup on your face.

🏔 Liz doesn't like to force herself to have breakfast, she just dont eat if she's not hungry, however if you are hungry rather than focusing on calories focus on how nutritious your meal is. Whatsoever if you are not hungry and you are not going to eat, make sure to always take your vitamins and supplements!

✸ ꒰ study routine ꒱⋆ ࣪.* ࣪.⋆

Yes, it's time to drink a little more water!

⛰ Liz doesn't have a settled study routine but, it's important to spend our time wisely, if you can finish an assignment way before the time it's due, DO IT! Also, she emphasized that knowledge leads to confidence. If you put effort in your studies, every little thing in your life will slowly fall into place.

✸ ꒰ workout routine ꒱⋆ ࣪.* ࣪.⋆

First, set healthy goals, like toning up your body or building muscle, try not to make ‘just being skinny’ your goal.

🧩 second, don't measure yourself with a scale or measuring tape and focus on how you look in the mirror, are you satisfied? if you are then you are done with the intense workout routine!

Liz goes to the gym and has her own personal training program, but here’s some kind of exercises she recommends; weight training, pilates and dancing with her main focus being toning up her abs and butt.

🏄‍♀️ Remember to drink water and that consistency is more important than perfection, go at your own pace, it doesn't matter if you can't do a 2 hour workout and look snatched in 3 days and you can only do a 5 minute workout, every little effort adds up!

✸ ꒰ shower and self care routine ꒱⋆ ࣪.* ࣪.⋆

Before showering, do dry brushing to exfoliate your skin and increase circulation (1-2 times per week). Then use shampoo and conditioner, research to find the best one for you, what may help others won't help you. Liz also uses a hair mask 1 to 2 times per week to get that shiny silk hair.

🎾 After showering take some time to shape and pluck your eyebrows depending on your face shape and what impression you want to give!

Liz uses face masks 1 to 2 times per week to cleansing her face deeply, then she does her skincare. After applying all the products do a lymphatic massage on your face and neck, you can also cool down your face with massagers or cold spoons for an extra depuff.

🍾 For self care, you can journal again, search for shadow work prompts, think of what things you should unlearn and relearn and don't forget to practice gratitude. Or you can take time to clean your room or house, you deserve to have a clean safe place!

Oh! and don't forget to drink water again.

✸ ꒰ night routine ꒱⋆ ࣪.* ࣪.⋆

🧃 Time for dinner! (only if you are not full yet), again, make sure to focus on nutrients rather than calories. Don't forget to drink a glass of water with your dinner. You can watch a documentary while eating to keep gaining even more knowledge.

Now, do your oral hygiene routine again. Also, put on eyelash conditioner and serum to wake up with perfect lashes! Then wear a silk cap or do a protective hairstyle to protect your hair from getting damaged while you're sleeping.

🍵 Then get in bed and drink a cup of tea with collagen to start relaxing your body. and it's finally time to manifest! watch your mind movie again and use your most useful method (affirming visualizing, subliminals, etc.), don't forget to ask god, the universe or whatever you believe in for signals and help!

Afterwards, you can read an inspirational book like ‘atomic habits’ or ‘the art of thinking clearly’ to keep nourishing your brain. keep a reachable goal like reading 5 pages everyday and then decide if you want to continue reading or not.

🥬 Before sleeping listen to a guided meditation, liz have one to be more confident and one to attract money, choose one that aligns with your goals!

Finally fall asleep in a healthy sleeping position, Liz sleeps in her back looking at the roof, but you can choose your favorite position, don't forget to get a pillow that fits the position (example: tall and lofty pillow -> for sleeping on your side)

🍈 Good night!

Woah second request done!! hope you liked this one was pretty fun to do and I might add some of these things in my own personal routine so I don't fall back into laziness, anyways how about you guys??

toodlezzzz!1!!!!!

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hetr0ph0bic · 1 year

Quote

love it here

tag: shuri x riri

wrd cont : 3.5k

content: hunching im sorry, vibranium strap, mirror sex, choking kink, cream pie, scratching

summary: backshots in the mirror, thts the reason.

translation my love sthandwa - love thando -baby usana-

riri stirred awakes from the queen size bed in the capital palace. covered sheets are black with small golden specs, she looks around the sleek room in search of a clock. 6:01 am great 4 hours of sleep, the engineer rolls her eyes at the lack of sleep. she unravels herself from the fluffy sheets, padding over to the closet and pulls out a black classic wakandan two-piece. sluggishly pulling the long sleeve crop top over her head, slipping on the leggings and sliding on black shoes. taking one good look in the mirror, she heads off to the lab.

it takes her a while to get to the lab, still not completely understanding the route or how things operate here. despite the confusion and the building of a headache, riri is glad to be here. a wonderful way to spend her winter break.

“so ri is it true that the american kids have weeks off of school for christmas time?” shuri sat in a lab chair twirling around and around.

“uhh yeah we do…. do you have something planned?” riri had stopped folding her now clean laundry to look at the phone.

‘‘well I was thinking you could come to wakanda for the break or like one week, so you can spend time with your family also’’ shuri gave a nervous smile

riri rolls her eyes “oh please catch me there for the 2 weeks shuri”

as she steps into the lab, it's dead silent. not a single soul is to be found, all alone, she goes into her assigned work area. She has been working on several projects. updating the iron heart suit and kimoyo beads. trying to make the beads smaller and in different colors, and her suit faster and longer lasting. as she pulls out all the blueprints and clean sheets, the time reads 6:30 am. she is so deep into her brainstorming that she doesn’t notice the lab doors open. in walks the princess in a similar two piece just like riri’s just in a dark purple.

“hmm I had a feeling you were gonna be in here” shuri smiles bright making her way over to the small girl

“yeah I couldn’t get any sleep, so I just came in here, might as while spend my energy doing something” riri stacks away all the blueprints and notes. shuri circles around her, picking up the kimoyo beads blueprint.

“ohh you have ideas for my beads” a hit of disbelief in her tone.

“ well yeah I was thinking what if they changed color to blend in more with clothes or skin and what if they were slimmer to be more undetectable. and what if they have certain versions for the regular citizens and the dora milaje and then what if they had something to detect namor or talokan using the vibranium they wear” shuri has a proud smile platted on her face as riri rambled on about ideas to better improve wakanda’s technology.

“hmmm seems like you have a lot of ideas with wakanda technology” her eyes sweep over riri’s face.

“well yeah” she nervously chuckles, body moving towards the window to look over the city.

“I really love it here, it's safe and…. warm and peaceful it's just…. nice” she smiles looking back at shuri. “speaking of safe, I do have another task for you” shuri grabs riri’s hand gilding her to sit down at her desk, the royal leaning on the table.

“what did i mess up with something” ask worry set all over her face.

“what no love! you've been doing good with school, great grades as always and even staying off the radar with the government. you’ve been so good, I just need you to learn how to fight well. it's honestly for myself to help me sleep at night”

“oh whew, i have no problem learning how to fight- i mean i already know how to defend myself, but im not gonna block more lessons.” riri’s hand is on her heart, chest moving up and down rapidly

“wait but who gonna teach me? please PLEASE! dont say okoye you know she hates me.” riri pleads with shuri.

“no um i guess i can teach you since we have the time, and i can show you around some more” cleaning up the lab they head to the practice rooms.

“you know above is it the kitchen and if you continue this hallway it goes to the courtroom where all the meetings are held.” placing her palm on the scanner the door opens. the pair walking in to a sleek gray room. a big ass mirror covering the north wall from top to bottom. in the middle of the room on the floor is a mat. spears for the dora’s and other skilled set weapons cover the wall. the original lighting in the room changes to warm bright yellows. riri looks around to find shuri playing with the lighting in the corner. at alas, she is satisfied, she struts over to riri in the middle on the mat.

“okay so i want to really get going with close range fighting. so go take your shoes off.” they slip out of there shoes and socks. as they stand in the middle of the mat

“okay so im some big bad man wanting to hurt you and i start running towards you what are you going to do”

“well what time of day is it? are there people around? what am i wearing? is it heels? are we on a hill or grass”

“riri it doesnt matter, what are you going to do?”

“ummm umm” she cant think straight and sweat’s now collecting on her forehead.

“i dont know how about you teach me while acting it out”. with a nod shuri jogs up to riri about to tackle her to the ground but the smaller places her hands under her neck and pulls up, successful locking her in a chokehold.

“okay good nice hold! okay now what if i come from behind you and place you in a chokehold.” shuri arms snake up to her throat and applies pressure, not enough to hurt but enough to feel real. internally, she starts freaking out, vision getting blurry at head hurting. riri tries to pull her arms from her neck, sparing a look in the full mirror against the wall she sees their bodies. looking into shuri’s eyes, she balls up her fist to deliver a light punch to her thigh. as shuri looks down to the hit spot, riri then uses her elbow to push the panther back.

successfully causing them to break up, “did i do good?”

“yeah riri that was good real good” shuri answers, she then without warning tackles riri down to the floor. shuri places her knees on riri’s arms and hands so, riri’s face is fully at the princess mercy.

“what are you going to do riri.” shuri begins to pinch her cheeks, repeating the question. riri swats her head left and right trying to avoid the attacks but failing. she then twists her whole body to the attacks, she then lifts her body on her knees in a bowing position. using all her strength, she stands up from the cradled position.

“okay, you got out of that one but-” before shuri could finish the sentence, the engineer is pushing her down in a similar position. but arms holding herself up on shuri’s shoulders, her thighs straddling the princess.

“I wanted to be the attacker for once”

“oh I bet you did, too bad I'm better than you”

“what” as riri questions, shuri answers by bucking her hips causing her to fall forward. she barely catches herself, thanks to shuri helping stabilize her, arms around her waist. shoulders now above shuri’s head, causing her breast to fall in shuri’s only point of view.

after seconds pass by “ummm hello earth to shuri”

“oh my bad” she resumes by lifting riris hips and placing them on her waist. shuri then easily sits up. shuri now flips riri, so that the smaller’s back is to her chest. placing the engineer in a strong chokehold, nothing like before. riri whimpers, her neck such was a sensitive place for her.

“yeah, we have a lot of work to do before you think about leaving me again” shuri looses the hold just to place one hand on her neck. soft whimpers flow out like a river. trying to mold riri’s body to sit down, she fumbles her body, causing riri to flop down on shuri’s lap. impact causes a weighted “ahhh” to flow from riris mouth. her and shuri freeze, riri eyes clamped shut and tight. wishing the earth would open up and swallow her. literally.

sliding her hands up to her jaw, shuri forces riri to look at her.

“look at me” eyes shakily open “ you okay” riri hesitantly shakes her head approving.

“i didn’t hear you” “its okay” “do you… like it” “i need it- please”

shuri closes the space between them sliding her hand back down to the smaller’s throat. riri kisses her so hard like the yearning and painful pushes of urges are finally worth it. they slowly shift so riri is straddling shuri. the kiss is powerful, down right sinful. loud nosies coming from each other. tongue lapping and lip biting. shuri at one point fully sucks on riris bottom lip, just to bathe in the beautiful whimpers. they break for needed air after centuries. shuri grips riri shirt and tugs her back up to her and they continue, shuri’s hands dipping lower on riri till she’s palming her ass. rocking her back and forth on her thigh as riri breaks apart to voice content.

“mmmm fuck” okoye bust through the practice door. the two lovers jump off each other. shuri shoots daggers at okoye, while riri shameful hangs her head low hiding behind the princess. having completely caught them in the act okoye clears her throat.

“ahh ms willams i knew you loved wakanda and now a special wakandan” she showcases a blinding smile

“there’s a thousand practice rooms, you just had to pick this one” shuri gives a nasty side

“oh please like i went looking for something to make me throw up”

“also this” she waves to the practice room “is how you want to swoon ms riri? INCORRECT!”

riri speeds walk away from the general while shuri just spares are a look

“lock the door next time princess”

shuri jogs to catch up to the engineer “where are you going riri” she doesn’t even spare her a glance just continues, shuri hops in front of riri.

“where are you going?”

“ um um i just need a breath of air yeah, i just need air that’s all”

“well you're going the wrong way” shuri grabs her hand. riri feels like her hand if going to melt off as the princess slowly leads her to her room. they stroll pass by the big bead, they file to the balcony. riri hastily grabs unto the railing, watching the sun slowly going down. wakanda is so beautiful god she loves it here. looking over the warm capital, she is able to see the people come out getting ready for the nasty nightlife. it calms her down. shuri is sitting down on the chairs with the nice outside patio. she springs up as riri walks closer to her, placing a kiss under her jaw riri leans on shuri’s chest

“thankyou”

“sthandwa what for”

“for being here with you and just allowing me to experience wakanda” shuri cups riri’s face and smothers her with pecks

“i truly enjoy you being here with me” ending the pecks with final kiss on the lips.

it starts off light and sweet. easily being able to breath and laugh at the actions. but they each grow hungry. shuri swipes her tongue over riris bottom lips, pulling it in to suck on. the royal’s hands somehow find their way to the smaller’s neck again. riri tangles her hands in the royals hair, gripping and pulling on it. the actions cause the princess mouth to fall open, riri quickly attaches lips again drinking any sound or need from shuri. the others hands mold the younger girl onto her lap again. hands dipping lower and lower till they find riris core. she experimentally swipes her hand over riris clothed pussy. tongues now dancing and applied pressure to the sensitive part. the burning need to explore each other with tongue is morphed into more need. shuri picks up riri showcasing her strength since she took the herb. she places her down on the california king bed. shuri kisses her senseless while running hands all over her body. hands groping and rubbing her breast, and lower tummy. she then pushes riri back on the bed, slotting her knee in between her legs. riri gasps as she bucks on the knee, rutting up and down she begs.

“please shuri please baby” riri grips at her clothed body, back arching off the bed.

“please what princess tell me what you want” tears start to build in the younger’s eyes.

riri she cant fucking think straight, head is spinning “i cant - i don’t know i- i just need to feel you” taking pity on the girl shuri damn near tears the clothes off their bodies. she leaves riri in her panties, wanting to see and feel the wet spot. she goes back to pleasing the other. sucking many deep marks on the others neck, riri begins to shake in her hold. littering her body she slowly, harshly makes her way down from the neck to her the erect nipples. she cups both, nipping and licking one at a time. the princess leans up to meet riri once again. she then sneaks her fingers to touch her lips, after the graze riri opens her mouth obediently. with no hesitation, she swirls her tongue on the fingers and sucks on the two digits. once the spit is dripping pass her knuckles, shuri pulls out. using one arm she pulls off the underwear and bends riri’s body. she pushes the legs of the small girl, opening her wide up. riri’s feet is touching her own shoulders, shuri then dips her hands down and plays with riri folds. she rubs two fingers between her lips. a soft smacking fills the room. as her index finger plays with her lips and clit riri grows impatient. trying to meet the touches, shuri pushes her hips to the bed.

“more baby” shuri doesn't give in, she actually lightens up the pressure. no more than a sometimes soft graze. riri grunts at the playful need and grabs the olders hand. she presses shuri hands down to her core and ruts against her hand. finally she sighs at the long awaited pleasure.

“ready my love” “yeah”

shuri then slowly eases her fingers inside riri, after seconds she slowly pumps in and out. building up the speed and weight, riri then cant control the pants and moans. as she is working her fingers, shuri then begins scissoring her and curling, wanting to feel a certain spot. once she finally finds it she constantly abuses the delicate tissue. making riri run up the bed tears falling down her pretty brown eyes. it feels so fucking good.

“ shuri baby im gonna cum” shuri rips her hand away in an instant.

“what what no please shuri” she chases after her hands

“ shhh wait one sec usana” placing a peck on her lips, she shrugs over to a black dresser and pulls out a strap and a dildo.

“which one” shuri throws them on the bed. riri then sits up to examine the two options, one a double-sided, clear dildo. her hand instantly goes to it, stopping with she sees light out the corner of her eye. she looks over to the other toy. purple and black meets her, the strap is glistening? the veins are so detailed and intricate. purple glowy veins run all the way to the tip. riri pokes the toy, shooting her head up at shuri she shakes her head.

“so you made us a toy?”

“what no i didn’t” she rubs her neck. clearly lying

“right, since you didn't make it, you couldnt tell me what things it couldn’t do right?”

silence fills the room as the have a eye staring contest

“fine i made it!” shuri move to sit next to riri on the bed, picking up the toy she explains “ umm so it like changes sizes and adjust to the person and part? we both would feel the impact or like pressure. also who ever is wearing it, it shoots out their cum” the quickly explains

“how long did it take- actually i dont care put it on, now” shuri slips on the strap. the taller drags riri over to where the mirror is next to the bed. they then slot into the same position as earlier. riri’s back to shuri, and riri sat on the princess lap. angling up correctly, she enters riri. she doesnt feel anything about to question if shuri put it in. then she can feel something expanding in her, growing. shuri then begins slowly thrusting so she can get used to it as it grows to her body. as the toy nears the full size when riri leans down placing her hands on the bed, feeling full. harshly the princess grabs the jaw over her lover looking at her in the mirror. she snaps her hips up at full force, shoving full the toy into riri’s tight hole. the nasty sucking and squishing sounds echo the room. using her strong thighs, the smaller tries to relive the impact of the other.

slamming her back down on the toy

“stop. fucking. running. come on thando doesnt it feel good” shuri whispers the last part in her ear

nodding hysterically “yeah yeah baby feels so good” shuri grabs her neck and in the right hand she grips riri’s waist, using the leverage to slam her down and up on the strap. riri screams as shuri hits the soft sponge part inside her. tears pool down her face as her back arches in a perfect way. her eyes roll back as she grows hungry. “harder princess, fuck me harder” placing her hand down on the hand that grips her wrist, riri then starts bouncing fully on shuri. shuri nips and bites riri’s neck, a failed attempt to hide the moans spilling out from her mouth. riri locks her legs around shuri’s as she rocks her body harder into them. the recoil, sending hits directly to shuri’s abused clit. they both are meeting each other's movements with power, haste, and need. nothing but slaps and wet sounds. their soft pants gradually developed to deeper, drawn out cries and pleads from both lovers.

“fuck ri” she grabs riri face making her look at the princess in the mirror

“you close” a soft breath “yes” comes out.

shuri pulls riri up by her throat. riri scrambles for a new placement, she puts her hands down in front of them, she grips the sheets tightly, knuckles going white. bouncing from behind, she turns her head to look at the princess, shuri tuts at action.

“ no sthandwa look at me in the mirror, when you come you are to look at me” shuri begins to fuck up into riri. with deep, powerful, long strokes while her other hand rubs against riri’s clit. pinching and slapping the sensitve nerve. lifting up the hood and rubbing riri’s clit one last time does it. withing she lets go the sheets, leaning back up she arches her back. hands going to dig her nails in shuri’s neck.

“yes just like that mama, thats it just like that” the smaller scratches up shuri tatted arm as she is sent over the edge. she still continues, meeting shuri thrust. flopping down on toy causing intense vibrations. causing the royal to go over the edge. shuri’s legs spasm as ecstasy over takes her, her thrust sparking and erratic . the toy collects the juices and shoots them into the engineer.

“mmmh baby i feel it in me” with riri fucking shuri into overstim she can see the mixed cum on the toy as it seeps to their tangled limbs. white juices spilling into the thick covers.riri finally slows down exhastion taking over her body. as shuri slips out she slips out of the toy. they both lay backs on the bed as they catch full breaths.

“you good” shuri turns toward her

“hmm hmm” seconds pass, riri in deep thought “shuri…. i still want to use the other toy”

“i had a feeling you wasnt going to let that go”

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goremet-chef · 10 months

Text

guhh im so bothered rnn (vent/rant)

so... i? idk. ive been out as trans in my house since 2020. my mom doesnt call me dom (sometimes she does if my sibling encourages her to, but she defaults back to my deadname anyways) and ive learned to accept it. i dont think she ever will and its sad for me, the reality that once i start my transition, ill need to just.. leave a lot of my family behind. they think its some rebellious choice like i hate all of them but im more worried about them hating me

my mom says shes supportive but is actively right wing, shes having an inner battle with her ideologies, i know that. i can tell by how she talks about homeless people vs how she talks about us being queer

so. whatever. thats my mom i guess. but for a long time, i wasnt out to my moms husband. i despise him and ive never intentionally started a conversation with him, let alone come out. ive started to not care about what he thinks. i know what he thinks, he thinks gays should die, said it straight to my gay siblings face. okay, cool. doesnt concern me, moms bf is absolutely fucking nothing to me.

to remedy this sort of like... we didnt wanna DEAL with what he might say if he heard both my siblings calling me dom, cuz both of them do, so whenever theyre around they would just refer to my deadname, but i saw it made them cringe, so now everyone calls me 'that one child'

that one, other one, etc etc

no one even calls me my name anymore

it makes me feel so hopeless. ive EXPRESSED it makes me upset but my younger sibling doesnt care (the one most guilty of it), because they dont understand why it upsets me, i guess thats enough reason to keep going

its so dehumanizing to be reduced to actually nothing. i ALREADY have heaps and heaps and HEAPS of identity issues. sometimes it gets so bad i start having crazy ass delusions, sometimes im not even present and its a different part of my mind in my body

its hard enough as is!!! now my family wont call me anything at all

it makes me feel less bad about leaving, but i dont think ill ever leave at this rate

need to start T, change my name, get a job, all in that order. starting T seems impossible at this rate. i.. dont know what to do. i cant keep LIVING like this, because im not living at all

i never leave my house because im too ashamed in how i look, i cant BEAR the thought of anyone else perceiving me as female, i cant fucking do it!!! im so tired. my house is like a prison for me, genuinely.

and my family dont get it, obviously. they think its my choice, im some kind of hermit who doesnt care about being outside because i have internet. they are so fucking wrong. i miss going out, i miss being around people, i miss existing like everyone else, but i just cant do it man. not like this

so it becomes a waiting game, when am i gonna bring up starting it? how do i even move forward once i do? what if she says no? id have to do it on my own but i cant.. i cant even order things for myself without freezing like shutting up will get me out of there, i cant fucking do it

she doesnt even know!! we were in the car together and she was like yknow theres people who cant even make a doctors appointment. what losers.

IM losers, would she have said that if she knew? does she know and decided to say it anyways? i dont know, but its just.. everything seems so hopeless at this point. i want to just give up, accept im not gonna be who i truly am, but man i cant stand being any more miserable

it makes me wanna cry, the only time i get to feel myself how i think i should be is either if i draw something fictitious, or if i spend hours in the mirror making sure i look masculine, my mustache is convincing, etc. AND FOR WHAT? literally for fucking WHAT, because i dont leave the house anyways!!!!! dolled up like i have somewhere to be, like my appearance will get me what i want, when im stuck at home! i got nothing to prove to them, they think what they think

its fucking dreadful. im so scared of my life passing me by, and here i am wasting away in my bedroom for the last 3 years. no progress, nothing. at first, i was scared about even starting T because theres a higher risk of heart disease, but. i dont fucking care if it KILLS me. i dont care!!! if it kills me i dont fucking care im not living the life i want to live anyways. the risk of death is worth it at this point, i mean that so seriously

idk. im just tired, is all. i wish everyone could perceive me the way i dream they would. only time that happens is online, or when im not with my family at all and instead with my friends. but we only hang out like. once in a blue moon

and yknow what? im not even safe then. i remember we were at my friends house for halloween last year (we always meet up). i had my full leatherface costume one, my face was touched up to make it look like the mask. and still. dressed that way, when my friends mom asked me what my name was, i said dom and she was immediately like. "oh, dominique?" no. my name is fucking DOMINIC.

i didnt say anything besides correcting her, but it was such a blow, man. the only time ill be happy is if im closely monitoring every single thing i do, to make sure i dont appear feminine at all. no matter how i look, now matter how deep my voice is. miserable. why would anyone think that id choose this

#tw transphobia #tw dysphoria #tw queerphobia #tw misgendering

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pinkcherryblossomangel · 1 year

Text

Away from home - Chapter 8

Y/N is an actress, filming for her first lead role in the film adaptation of her favourite childhood book, produced by maximum effort.

She bonds with Ryan Reynolds over their share Love of the Korean pop band Stray Kids, and he has a surprise for her.

Trigger warnings- mentions of depression, self harm and anxiety

Stray kids fan fic

Mainly staring 3ratcha

Chan x oc

This is my first ever fan fiction so if it's shit soz.

He puts his arm around me as we walk to the lift. He's holding my bag, I'm wearing his jumper. It's been 4 weeks of bliss. Now we start his final week on set and I'm dreading everyday after he leaves.

Keith's at the bottom waiting for us. He's one of the only people outside our bubble who know that we've been spending a lot of time together. One evening after a late shoot he picked us up. Chris was supposed to have gone back to the hotel hours earlier, but stayed to spend time with me. Keith said he noticed me falling asleep on Chris's shoulder, and according to Keith he "saw a moonstruck look on the aussies face".

I have a few intense scenes today that I'm proper nervous about. All involving my character coming to terms with her mothers passing. I think Chan can sense this as his hand doesn't leave mine until we make it to the base.

"You good?!" He questions, I can't look up at him, my anxiety taking hold of me. He reaches over to me and lifts my head up gently, tears brimming in my eyes. "Can I hug you?" And with that small ask, the tears start falling, and I pull him into me. We stay here for a few minutes my body needing to feel his weight against mine, till I remember poor Keith's in the front of the cab, probably feeling incredibly uncomfortable.

"Sorry, keith" tumbles from my lips.

"Don't worry sweetheart, we all feel that way somedays." He smiles in the rear view mirror, his kindness makes my heart swell. "I don't have a buff aussie to hug me through it, so you're lucky there!" Chris laughs and I manage to muster out a giggle. "I'll see you later, keep strong Y/N. You've got this." I mouth thank you into the mirror, no sound managing to leave my lips.

"Do you want me to come into hair and makeup with you?" Chan asks, his hand finding it's way back to mine.

" don't you think people may start to question things?" I let go of his hand, stop us in our tracks and face him. Closing my eyes I finally say what I've been thinking since we first kissed. "I don't want to ruin what we have, but I'd rather do that than ruin your career. I know that a dating scandal can fuck things up for you and the boys and that's not something I could live with causing. You've worked too hard for it all to be ruined by me. And you're far too nice to say..."

I'm cut off by his lips.

Hes kissing me right in the middle of the location base.

"I know we've only known each for a few weeks, but i know you being in my life is worth ruining everything for. Plus Stays aren't like that. They're not gonna leave just cause I'm in love. If anything they'll be happy we're not all bitchless."

" in love?" I ask. I can tell his life flashes before his eyes.

"Falling that way" he replies. I kiss him on the forehead.

"Me too".

-------------------‐--------------

"I just... i can't. She's gone and i don't know what to do. Its like i dont know how to breath without her here. I don't know what to do with all this love and care i have for her, what do i do with it? What do i do with myself?" My head falls into my hands, trying to stop myself from falling apart. Jenna puts her arm around me, pulling me close to her.

"You live for her. You put the love for her into yourself. Isn't that what she'd want you to do? She wouldn't want you to self destruct because she's gone. You know she'd never forgive herself for that. You'd never forgive yourself." I sob into Jennas shoulder, my body convulsing as she strokes my back and hair.

"CUT!" Olivia shouts. "That was good girls. Think we have that wrapped. 30 min break then onto the next scene. Come on guys we've only got 2 hours left today we can do it!"

"You were bloody amazing!" I divulge to jenna. "Needed that hug too" we laugh.

"You never cease to amaze me Y/N. You complimenting me after giving an Oscar worthy performance! Come let's get some food." She throws her arm around me and we walk to craft.

We walk into a makeshift Hall and we're greeted by the 3racha boys and jack all sat together laughing. They wave us over!

"Hey babe" Chris greets me with a smirk and a side hug. Hearing him say those words in front of people gives me a thrill I've never felt before. He keeps grinning up at me, and I can't helped but grin back. I kiss him on this forehead, which elicits a giggle out of changbin and a fake fainting spell from Han. Jack just seems to ignore us and starts talking to Jenna.

" I'll be back in a sec just gonna get some food." I say to Chris. He takes my hand.

"I'll come with", we walk over to the food stand and I pick a fruit salad and one crisps. Chris interrupts my food filled daydream "I saw you filming before." He must seem my worried face as he scrambles. "Just one of your takes, and honestly, I think you are such an incredible actor. " I smile at him, not knowing really how to take the compliment. So I muster out a thanks! He looks at me with such gentle eyes, and I know he means every word said.

"I'm not good with compliments" I admit, going back to the food table. "I think we have that in common don't we?" I tease. He shrugs his shoulders.

"Well I guess we'll have to work on that together."

"I guess we will".

-----------------------------------------

"That's why I rung." My mums face is beaming on the phone screen. Chris is sat next to me, his back so straight and slightly tense. I cant help but laugh to myself, my mum knows I fancied him for ages and there's nothing he could do to embarrass himself in front of her.

"It's lovely to meet you Chris, we'll have to meet in person at some point too!" My mum almost sings

"Yeah deffo. I'm touring for a bit, but we should be having a few stops in the UK and you'll obviously get some free tickets and yeah, I'm looking forward to meeting you too." The words stumble out. Its so sweet how shy he's gotten. "Plus there's the premiere". Giggles leave my mouth as I fawn over how cute he is when flustered.

"I love you mam! I'll be home in a few weeks, give me love to Gran!" I say waving at the camera before hanging up.

Chris's shoulders drop and he falls back on the bed.

"See, she's not scary!" I say to him as I fall back into his arms. He cuddles closer into me, his warmth emanating and comforting me. Feeling safe and loved is unusual, but God does this boy feel like home.

A/N- thanks for all the love on this story! I really appreciate it!

#bang chan #bang chan fanfic #bang chris #christopher bang #han jisung #seo changbin #stray kids #stray kids fanfic #bang chan x reader #chan x reader #chris x reader #3racha x reader #chris bang #chris bang x reader #thisfanfichasgonedifferentthanihadimagined

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justagreencircle · 4 months

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i hate me

i hate this world, and that i’m always on my phone, trying to escape reality. i hate that life is just a meaningless slog, i hate living one day to the next, i hate that there’s nothing to look forward to, and nothing to be happy about. i hate that the internet, video games and music are the only ways i can experience anything even slightly engaging, i hate how nothing else works. i hate that i can’t concentrate enough on books, and i just get bored. i hate spending every night sitting at my computer, or lying down in bed looking at my phone, watching and listening to other people being happy, enjoying themselves, doing things with their loved ones. my family thinks that’s why i never sleep, but it’s just because i hate sleeping.

i hate sleep because it feels like im wasting my time. i hate that it feels like im missing out on whats happening around me. and i hate that when i wake up i dont even feel refreshed, its not worth it. i hate that im constantly tired so matter what i do, not from a lack of rest, but because i never can rest. i hate lying down for a few hours and then its morning. i hate being constantly restless, and i hate that i can’t relax, yet i’m always tired and never have energy for anything.

i hate living. i hate that i want to not exist. i dont want to die, just to stop living. i hate being. i hate how i dont have any ambitions or dreams. i hate that i have nothing i want to achieve in life, and i hate feeling like i’m living for other people, not myself.

i hate that i look in the mirror and i don’t know who’s looking back. it’s not me, that’s for sure. i hate how i look. i hate the shape of my face, i hate the hair on my body, i hate the useless worm that’s attached to me, i hate my waist, my chest, my legs, my hands, my voice, the way i move. i hate this prison of flesh i’m trapped in, and the amount of work i would have to put in to fix it. i hate that other people can just be born perfect, while i’m left with scraps.

i hate that my mind actively works against me, i hate that i can’t concentrate on things that are important, that i can’t pull my focus from things that dont matter, i hate that i can’t keep track of things, and that nothing i do ever feels like enough. i hate that whenever i’m with the people i care about, i see how great they are and can’t help but compare myself to them, and just see only the flaws in myself.

i hate me.

#writing #ranting #thoughts #autistic #trans

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saiesha1103 · 1 year

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GHOST

Theres a room where you used to be,

Everything seems blur as far as the eye can see.

That camera for when my memory doesnt last captured every moment 'cause time's just so damn fast.

This place used to be a home to me but now it feels so strange as if its nothing more than just bricks.

A bird when learns to fly,leaves its nest but what if the bird never makes it to a new nest?

I am physically present but when you look at me closely all youll see is a ghost of someone who used to be.

i find my hands covered in blood i never meant to spill,my memories tainted with pain i never meant to feel and the memories which once made me the happiest are the ones that i oh so desperately want to forget but who ever listens to the monster, the sinner?

The beauty of nuance is not one that everybody gets but what if the evil step sister wasnt so evil and cinderella wasnt so good either?

If i tell you my half of the truth will you believe it or dismiss it? Oh shes the goody two shoes one who can do no wrong and i barely manage to walk in a straight line constantly toppling about the line of right and wrong ,do's and dont's but what if along the way i lose myself?

Maybe forever was a word not meant for people but for memories because now i know that even you will leave if you havent already.

What if you're just a fraction of the world that i conjured up when i was drowning and the second i start to swim you disappear?

Or worse what if i choose to not swim ?

Skyscrapers look so beautiful from afar but its all ugly upclose so what if now that you've seen me up close you have forgotten the beauty in me?

A house is not a home but what exactly is a home?

After spending my entire life here ,the place which used to be like a second home to me now when i pass by those streets the air feels so cold ,it almost feels strange to look at.

I must have spent hours in that corridor and nights in that auditorium yet now i feel like a patient with alzheimers looking at her family pictures and having trouble believing that thats how she lived once

.I spent years in the place but still i am more attached to the place than the people there because i was simply a ghost passing by and ghosts have no roots no attachments they only wander around where their soul once used to be so maybe just maybe the time stopped for me there and i left my soul ,I am sorry that this is the side of me that you got to see because truly when i look into the mirror ,all i see is someone who used to be.

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zeldasnotes · 1 year

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Hi, could Ceres conjunct Pluto cause body issues. I know it’s considered a positive aspect. But I’m extremely insecure about my body and face to the point where I can’t look in the mirror to even wash my face. I buy all of my clothes 3-5 times larger than needed. And I’ve never had a boyfriend because I’m afraid he’ll be disgusted by my body and genitals. No matter how much weight I lose or how much I starve myself, I hate everything about myself.

Hi! Yes Ceres conjunct Pluto is common in the charts of people who experience body issues. So sorry you feel this way but it sounds like this has to be something more going on. Maybe you experienced some kind of trauma that made you dislike your body this much? I know that trauma can make us see our body as the enemy and start to hate it and therefore start seeing our body as disgusting and wanting to punish it. Does anyone close to you know you are starving yourself? And aahhh I also hate how society made us view our bodies like this?? Like I dont think I know anyone who likes how their body looks and thats so sad. I know exactly how you feel there was a time in my life where I used to spend hours at the gym😔💗

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moon3unny · 4 months

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ed vent

dont report please just block I have now where else to vent this pain.

Noone will truly understand noone that doesnt also have an eating disorder noone that hasnt felt the immense and constant pressure of staying the perfect princess they want noone that is a closeted trans person to everyone else but the internet noone will understand. unless of course you spend hours sitting in front of your mirror in just your undies crying weeping biting your lips to not cry. unless you also spend hours denying yourself water because you hate yourself just that much. denying to eat anything that is “heavy” in your stomach like carbs or any other helpful nutrients.

cooking your family your dream dishes every single day without touching a bite of it. its unfair its so fucking unfair. I also want to have my self made pizza I also want to eat the pastries I bake I also want to see what you mean when you say what I cooked or baked was tasty. when all Ive always known was chewing a pasta noodle to check if it was done yet and spitting it into a trash bin.

I also want to experience flavours but all I do is stuff myself with coffee green tea cucumber a d cabbage. when all the flavour I get is whatever I can season it with without changing the calories too much. what do I do it for.

waiting for my friends to notice?

just to look dainty and fragile?

skinny privilege is real and everyone is in denial about it. I wasnt even overweight when I started. just chubby just healthy but once I dropped 20kg and I went from chubby and thighs rubbing together yo thigh gap and a nearly visible sternum everyone suddenly treated me better

suddenly they saw me as innocent and dainty

as fragile and nice

all that just by loosing some weight. several years later and I thought I was recovered I gained back nearly all the 20kg of weight I ahd lost before and here I am already having lost 4kg of that weight. Ill do it again and this time I wont stop.

#ed not ed sheeran #prorecovery #only pro recovery #⭐️ving #tw ed diet #tw ana diary

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spiralemoji · 1 year

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Write down how I’m feeling

Maybe I’ll make it out of this

I don’t know what I’m doing

Hoping for things to get a little better

Life goes by so fast and then its over

Some people seem to live forever

As if they’re on a different time line

And unaffected by the laws of the universe

I dont wanna be real

Im scared of how god will judge me

I tried, I tried, I tried

It was better not to feel

Now I’m trapped in paradise

Its all black and white, paper or plastic

As if it makes a difference

they tell me that i’m healing

but they don’t really know

if it’s all about perspective, where the trajectory to show for it

downward spiral, i let go a long time ago because i’m dyin

you said it best, if i brought you into this world, i can take you out of it

maybe its not your fault, or maybe you killed me

no one really knows

i dont need justice, just wanna feel safe at home in my bones

tossed out my entire record collection

but it still follows me in my memories

and i can hear them spinning around in my head

like it was yesterday

thats all i wanna do sometimes, just lay on the floor and listen to your guitar

spend several hours making half-assed art

i hope you like it this time... i hope you like it this time,

baby i tried, i tried, i tried

i want to set myself free from myself, but i dont know if thats possible.

i want to be real, im afraid i’ll sell my soul to the devil

all this conflict you gave me, doesn’t change me or rearrange me...

i look myself in the mirror and i told her, i dont understand you anymore.

if i die then maybe i die

we’re all already dead, but we live forever anyways

maybe that’s the end, i wanna take risks but im so afraid

theres no method, to the madness

maybe peace comes with acceptance, not resistance.

what do i know, im lost and confused.

or maybe i hit it right on the nose.,,

maybe life’s not a game you can win or lose.

if theres no truth, then why are there so many rules.

this world is killin you,

i tried i tried i tried

angels guiding you...

take me home.

swallow another bottle, of everythings fine

maybe itll be ALright

this world is killin you

i try if not be strongt for me ill be strong for you

because im out of options, my case is hopeless,

i always knew

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deathbyleche · 2 years

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I’ve always had a mild fear about mirrors at night. When its dark at night more specifically. Im not sure what exactly im afraid of seeing in them. Even if i cant look at them from the angle i am at i am still afraid of what is in them.

Recently i have probably exacerbated this fear by deciding to watch every season of american horror story. Now ahs really isnt all that scary scary. But clearly the show deals with the inherent evils and humans within humans and that itself is what has been intensifying my anxiety i think

Anyways. I watch ahs at night. And every night i need to go pee before bed. My bathroom has two large mirrors and on the real bad nights i have to avoid making eye contact with the mirrors and run to my room after i turn off the light. Otherwise whatever thing is in the mirror might decide to follow me.

Sometimes i feel like it is following me.

The hallway from my bathroom to my room is short. But it is dark. And when its real bad it feels like forever.

There is also a mirror in my room that i can look into from my bed. I refuse to move this mirror because it would be leaning into this phobia. But still. I turn off the light in my room. I try to walk the 3 steps to my bed calming. And every time as i lean back to go to bed and catch the slight glimpse of myself in the mirror as i lay out in bed, i get the hybee jeebies.

Anyways last season of ahs was not so bad. 1984. I can deal with serial killers. Serial killers are old news. And the season kinda sucked. There was no real evil within these people that wasnt old news. Nothing to terrify me. And this season im watching now. Red tide. Its about vampires. Im sure if i saw a vampire in real life i would be terrified. But i dont think ive ever been afraid of vampires.

So finally tonight i go to the bathroom. And as im leaving i am prepared to walk calmly down the hallway. Ive been managing my phobia. Not looking away from the mirrors. This season if ahs cant get to me cause vampires just dont release that fear. And as i am walking down the hallway my uncle is just fucking standing there in the dark.

He was standing there to scare me. And i felt my back spasm from getting ready to murder or be murdered and then needing to stop myself because it was just him. “Oh i was just waiting for you to pass by so i can go get water” no you fucking werent

Fucking asshole. I hate him anyways for other reason. Fucking racist republican who spends 4 hours in the morning making breakfast. And if i cant go in there to make myself food because he will ask something stupid or say something sexist and after 10 years i cant handle it anymore.

Wish i had just fucking clocked him. God damnit.

Anyways it didnt fucking help to have been feeling good and fine and thinking i was fine to deal with the mirrors just to have him standing there like a fucking psycho

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hazexlperiment · 2 years

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panic posting

3rd day abstaining from anything other than brief interaction with sheng. prob day like 20 or something since talking with someone i was comfortable with besides my therapist about anything at all

afraid to journal cause it might hurt my back and ill write wrong and my hand will hurt it and it makes me upset and ill just think about how i want to leave

afraid to excercise cause ill just fail to commit again and itll be pointless cause theres no structure here and nothing attaching me to time and i might run into sheng and then ill spend hours thinking about how things she said and how i dont like it which will sidetrack me from anything personally constructive again

afraid to look at porn or get off cause it feels like im making bad habits and its getting my hopes up for something im not ready for and will make existing here hurt more and itll make me thjink about my body being bad more

afraid to look in the mirror

afraid of coming up with new ideas cause theyre all unhinged from time and ill just forget about them the second sheng talks to me and it all feels pointless

feel guilty for watching things like anime or something cause its wasted time where i could be doing something to better my situation

this venting is pointless and ruminating and not helpful and provbably going to make things worse cause im not gonna go back and read it and its like the equivalent of me etching my feelings in stone and. i just wanbt to hurt loudly and make company of my misery i guess. i dont know. im stupid and i havent figured out anything in life and im weak cause things need to be a certain way before i can heal even though i should be able to work with my circumstances but this echo chamber of my mind on repeat and the inability to talk to the only person around about literally anything without just hearing what sound like distant, unaffected observations and judgements and comparisons even though i dont know what else i could expect from her at this point cause i dont share my feelings cause i still really dont LIKE her and it feels like everythings my dfault all the time and i have no control ever and its supposed to be “easy” to feel good but nothing feels good anymore everything feels terrible all the time and shes always so happy and i hate myself and i hate her and and i hate all of this and i want to leave i cant muster up energy or willpower or spirit or anythingi want to be alone alonealonde

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unknowndiamond123 · 2 years

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i’m not quite sure why i just feel so sad and empty at the end of the day, most days.

i feel like i have nothing going for me. i feel naggy at my husband bc he plays so much, and i want his attention, but it’s not like he does not play games and he hangs out for a bit. but then he goes back to them and he’s like “but babe i did spend some time off, i took off a lot to be with you.” yeah like one and a half hours, while the rest of your day has been playing video games. and it seems to be like this all the freaking time. and he gets so angry too when he plays and he yells and screams and it startles me and it makes me mad, which makes me not want to hang out with him in the game room. i just feel like i’m needy and i don’t know how to change our life. i want him to quit playing games all together. i want to feel not second best to his stupid games and his stupid online friends.

there’s also this stupid healthy habits diet i’m trying out because of my friend because she’s a health coach, and i thought i could try it bc i’m so tired of looking in the mirror and hating myself for my body and for the way i look. i’m trying to hard to follow this diet and it seems like nothing is working for me. all the while my health coach is loosing 6 lbs already in 11 days while i feel like i’m following all my fueling times, measuring how much i eat, drinks a ton of water, and feel like i can’t get anything to loose at all. and i’m so sick of seeing her post about all the good encouraging things she’s going through because of course her life seems so perfect. she’s happy with how she looks, she loves her job that she’s passionate about, she’s encouraging other’s and it just seems like nothing is going wrong in her life.

i just feel lonely and i miss my friends and i hate making new friends. i hate change. i want to live the life i had before i came to florida. somehow i seemed way happier then.

i feel like my life is so dull and there’s nothing to live for. i have a decent job but it’s nothing i’m head over heels for, and i can’t find anything that i totally love doing. i don’t have any hobbies that i enjoy doing. i feel like if i want to do something i want to be the best at it because i know in reality there’s nothing im good at when there’s billions of people who can be way better at it than me.

i want to travel. i think i would want to take pictures. of people, of animals, of landscapes. just cool things that i get to see with my own two eyes and share with other’s. but i know that i’m not the first one to come up with that revelations and there’s literally millions of photographers all doing the same thing. so why bother follow that dream where there’s one and a billion other people doing it too.

and of course there’s my stupid friendship problem. i dont know if it’s just me or the others but i feel like ever since my wedding, all my friendships have just gone down hill. 3 of my bridesmaids had a total fall out with me all because of stupid drama caused by my sister-in-law, and i barely talk to them now and i have all these photos and memories with them and remember wow what a fun time that was, wow what a shitty time it was after my wedding. and now i have another friend who feels like i’ve been cold towards her and just because of maybe a little misunderstanding she now feel uncomfortable around me and doesn’t want to even have lunch with me because the whole situation just stresses her out and she doesn’t want to cause her baby to be born early or something and cause extra stress on her. that’s such bullshit. everything is bullshit. this fucking laptop i’m typing on is complete bullshit because more than half the keys on this thing is sticky because of my own idiocy and spilling hot chocolate on it.

everything is just the absolute worst and i just want to kill myself sometimes. i hate feeling like my life is nothing but boring and every day is groundhog’s day.

same old routine. trying to change but nothing budging. seeing my friends have a way better, way happier life than i am at the moment. i just want everything to end. i’m so sick of living my life. it’s boring. it’s useless. i hate my life.

#i want to kill myself #i'm so tired of living #depressed #ranting #can god just strike me down now and get me out of living this hell of a life???#all of this ranting is for nothing and i'll probably feel a little better by morning... hopefully

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xoxo-teddybear · 3 years

Text

He’s Lost - Bakugou Katsuki - Part 2

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: angst, slightest fluff, cursing, physical harm mentions, lowkey little yandere obsessive hints, smut, 18+, daddy kink, sad boi Bakugou :(

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

Summary: Bakugou’s been going through hell ever since the breakup. He’s been so lost without you. But he’s willing to do whatever it takes to win back his Teddy bear. Everything and anything for the love of his life.

*Everyone is of age for legal consent (which is 16 in Japan, if you are uncomfortable with it please move along, thx<3)*

A/N: Bakugou is a little OOC but the main thing in the beginning starts with fixing up Katsuki a little bit. So sorry if you don’t really enjoy it all that much<3

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Melancholy music bounces off the walls of the dark room. The river of tears that flow down his once perfect porcelain skin is everlasting. As he lays in the soft bed, staring at the ceiling, he thinks about all he could’ve done better for you. In his hand, the same framed picture of you both that he’s held onto every night ever since the horrible incident. Y/N L/N. Like a song that’s stuck on loop. It’s the only thing that runs through his mind.

The door swiftly opens, and much to his disliking, a massive amount of light now enters the former den of manliness pit of depression.

To show his displeasure, Bakugou rolled himself in the blankets, covering his entire body in them and being the picture inside with him as well. With different circumstances, Y/N would’ve thought it was cute or adorable, but it wasn’t Y/N that opened the door.

“Really Bakubro?” The blonde’s best friend spoke.

Eijirou Kirishima. The best friend of our dearest sad boy. He’s been letting his Bakubro crash in his dorm room because Katsuki refuses to clean his own. It looks exactly the same as it did on Valentine’s Day. Just a little different.

Rose petals were dead and dried up on his floors, candles were nearly melted to the bottom as they lay everywhere in the room, the curry was thankfully thrown out by Kirishima claiming that he could smell the spoiled aroma all the way from his room. But the presents, letter, and new gear stayed in the exact same spots. Bakugou didn’t feel worthy enough to be blessed with all the stuff but he was oh so desperate to be worthy. Worthy of your time, your love, and you in general.

Bakugou let out a grumbled whine of displeasure. He could feel the disappointment and concern radiating off his friend. As Katsuki poked just his face out of the covers, he was met with the expression that represented those two things.

“You can’t keep living like this bro,” Kirishima began, “You can’t keep hallowing in sadness in my room. I wanna help you, but you gotta help yourself too. Ever since you and Y/N split-“ Bakugou quickly interrupted.

“We didn’t split, she left me!” The blonde cried.

“...Right, okay. Well ever since Y/N left you, you’re not the same. You stay in here, playing the same damn sad tunes, covering yourself in my blankets, crying all day, and holding onto that picture! You haven’t even been to class or training! Shit man, you don’t even come out of my room to eat food! I gotta bring your plate here just to make sure that you’re properly fed. You’re a mess Bakugou. And not even the hot kind!” His best friend was right. He was a mess. And not even the hot kind.

“Well what the hell am I supposed to do shitty hair?” Bakugou said while dragging the covers over his face once more. Inside the blanket he held onto the picture as if it were actually you.

The fake red head snatched the covers off of his friend’s body and forced him up.

The said friend didn’t take too kindly to that and growled in displeasure.

“What the fuck Kirishima,” Bakugou said, a little to calm and chilling.

“Dont give me that bull Katsuki. You gotta get her back. I would say move on, but it’s clear you can’t.” Kirishima said while rolling his eyes.

Bakugou mirrored the action and said “yea no shit genius. I can’t and won’t move on.”

“So then go get her man!” Kirishima yelled

“And how the fuck am I supposed to do that? Huh?!” Bakugou was so confused. In what way was it going to be possible to win you back?

“Figure it out! Look Bakugou, I’ll be here to help you along the way, but you gotta figure this shit out on your own. This is your relationship here, if you want it as bad as you claim you do then prove it. You want Y/N back? Then fight for her, idiot!” The blonde’s eyes seemed to go wide.

Two words stuck out to Katsuki during his friend’s little speech. Prove it. Fuck yeah he will! He’ll prove to the whole damn universe how much he wants you back. More importantly, he’ll prove it to you and win you back.

The iconic Bakugou smirk reappeared on Katsuki’s face. Kirishima took it as a good sign. “Alright shitty hair, you want me to prove how badly I want Y/N back. FINE!” The two friends pulled the iconic bro hug to seal the deal.

(You know? That shit that guys do where they high five and pull each other in with that one hand for the quickest hug and pat each other on the back? You know what I’m talking about.)

“Welcome back Katsuki.” Kirishima gladly stated. “Now get the fuck out of my room man, I’m sick of sleeping on the common room couches and you reek. Take a shower. And get your own clothes from your own room.”

As Kirishima pushed him out into the hallway and shut the door, it hit Bakugou like a bus. This would be Katsuki’s first challenge. Going back into the room filled with the torn love.

As Katsuki opened the door holding onto the picture, he felt his heart sink. He saw the damage. Melted candles, dried petals, the gifts and letter. Even the nasty smell of the spoiled curry still remained. As Katsuki gathered the courage to walk in and place the picture on the messy nightstand, it’s like the room was holding onto some sad emotions. Heartache and regret filled Katsuki’s chest. He couldn’t believe how fast it happened. He thought he would at least have a minute or two before he felt the pain again. Man, did it hurt like hell.

Katsuki dashed to his closet grabbing the first things he saw. He grabbed his shower container that held all his soaps and cleaning utensils and ran out the room, shutting the door. Once out, he let out a breath of relief.

“...after I clean myself up, the room’s next.” Katsuki said with determination as he walked towards the boy’s community showers and bath house.

When the hot water hit his skin, he felt a sense of calm. It wasn’t the same as the warmth of Kirishima’s blankets. It was better. The water and hot steam completely engulfed him in relaxation. The water washed away not only the dirt and grime, but also some of the tense feelings. For a moment, he felt at ease.

As Katsuki walked out the bathing area now fully clothed and dried, he made his way back to his room. He stood there, staring at the knob until he felt he was ready. Once he opened the door, the emotions hit him once again. Like a wave of sadness washed over his entire body. Finally, he stepped in.

First things first. Open up these windows. Let out that disgusting air filled with spoiled curry and sad emotions. When Katsuki took a breath a fresh air, he felt so alive. Much better than he has in days.

Now, we gotta move stuff. Katsuki picked up his dirty laundry and put it in his closet to wash later. He moved all his presents up off the floor and onto the bed. He swepted all the dead petals and toss them in his trash can. He threw out all the ruined candles and sprayed the room with air fresheners. He fixed up his bed and placed the picture frame back on his now cleaned nightstand. Next to it, a lit candle that smelled of caramel.

Katsuki took a seat at his desk. He was back to thinking about Y/N and all that he could do to win her back. As he checked his clock, he realized just how late it was. Kirishima came back to him at the end of class and training which was around 6. He spent an hour talking to Katsuki, and then Katsuki spent 4 hours cleaning himself and his room. It was 11:00 now. Way past his usual bed time. He’ll figure things out in the morning.

Katsuki smiled to himself as he layed in his own bed. He was finally on the right track again and one step closer to getting his teddy bear back. He turned to the picture frame, and grabbed onto it, hugging it while he slept. Katsuki was getting better but he wasn’t whole again. He needed Y/N to help him sleep alright, so holding the picture at night will have to do. He couldn’t wait till he woke up in the morning. Tomorrow he had school, he’ll get to see Y/N’s beautiful face for the first time in awhile, but before that, you bet your ass he’s waking up extra early to come up with a plan.

——————————————————————————

The next morning

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *click!*

The blonde smacked his alarm button before he rose up and stretched his body. Today was the day. He’s gets to see Y/N again. Bakugou just sits in place staring at nothing. Just taking 2 minutes to regain full consciousness. Once he’s set, he’s up and getting ready. It’s 4 in the morning now, so he begins to strategize.

Katsuki is pulling out easels and white boards. Pulling out notebooks and writing down facts. What Y/N is interested in, her favorite hobbies and foods, where she likes to spend her time, what she could need help with that Bakugou could assist her with. He’s also writing down the highlights of their relationship and what she seemed to enjoy best about him. He’ll be keeping that as a reference for when he needs to reassess on how he should treat her better. He will do better this time. That’s a promise to himself and you.

After half an hour of slightly struggling, he reaches out for help. Now at 4:30 a.m, here was the blonde knocking at his best friend’s door.

Rock music is blasting, sweat is flying everywhere and punches are being thrown at a hero. Not just any hero, Crimson Riot! As Kirishima continues to spar with his idol, he’s interrupted by a banging sound.

*BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM*

“The hell?” The younger red head says. Soon his idol began to fade away.

“Crimson Riot! Hey are you okay sir?!” But it was too late, the man was gone. Now the whole room was waving around. Did Kirishima accidentally mistake his giant jug of water for vodka or something? Soon he was left in nothing but a black abyss. And then....he fell!

“Shitty hair.....Ei....KIRISHIMA!”

“AH!” The red head screamed as he shot up from the bed, head-butting his best friend right then and there. Great, a perfect dream. Ruined.

“Ah, shit!” Bakugou said in pain as he held his now throbbing forehead. “What the fuck?”

“That’s my line Bakugou,” the red head sighed, “Did you break into my room? Jeez man, what the fuck? What are you doing here at.....4:38 a.m?!?!? DUDE!”

“I know, my bad okay? But..I could use some help.” Bakugou whispered the last part so Kirishima had no idea what this man just said.

“What bro?” Kirishima asked.

“I said....I could use some help.” The blonde repeated.

“C’mon man, you’re gonna have to speak u-“

“I need your help, alright?!” Bakugou finally said. Kirishima sighed. His bro really couldn’t wait until later?

“Bakugou, you know I’m always down to help you out but this is too early man. Can we just-“ the blonde quickly added on to what he was previously saying.

“Please.”

Kirishima’s eyes shot open after he closed them to drift off back to sleep. Did the Katsuki Bakugou just ask for help by saying please? This must be extremely important.

“......alright. You got me, I’m up. But if I’m gonna be up at 4 in the morning, others are gonna be helping us too.” Kirishima bargained.

“But-“ Kirishima cut him off

“But nothing. Besides, I’m drowsy in the morning so I wouldn’t really focus all that well. And we’re just going to the people we can trust.” The red head explained.

“Fine.” The blonde gave in. So there they went, gathering the other members of the Bakusquad (minus Y/N) to help Bakugou win back his girl.

As the 4 sleepy heads sat down on Bakugou’s floor infront of the whiteboard he wrote on, The blonde began to explain some of his plans.

“So I was thinking of treating her real nice all day until she takes me back and we become friends again, eventually leading to our relationship, but then I realized she’d be into a fake me and we all know I can’t pull the nice guy act forever. Then I thought I’d spoil her with all of the things she desires, but money can’t buy you love. So I thought I could-“ Katsuki quickly noticed the long period of silence other than his voice.

There, were his 4 friends sleeping in a dog pile in the middle of his dorm room floor, completely ignoring everything he’s been saying.

Bakugou sighed and grabbed a small “heroes weekly” issue sitting on his desk, rolled it up, and wacked his friends in their heads.

“You idiots...WAKE THE FUCK UP!” Ahh, welcome back Gremlin Bakugou.

As his friends came back from the dead, they all complained.

“Aww c’mon Bakugou. We’ve been at this for an hour already, it’s 5:40.” Sero said while yawning.

“I don’t care. You idiots offered to help so here you are.” Bakugou said while turning to face the board again.

“We didn’t offer shit!” The bakusquad simultaneously replied.

Mina let out a groan while rubbing her eyes open, “Look Bakugou. We really want you and Y/N to be happy together, we really do, but maybe it’s for the best if you guys don-“ Mina was cut off by Denki slapping his hand over her mouth.

As she looked at her electric friend, she saw a nervous expression on his face. She followed his gaze and saw the back of an angry and almost insane looking and shaking Bakugou.

Hearing Mina say that he should let Y/N go triggered something in his brain. But hearing her say they wanted the couple back together enlightened him too. His mind got the two mixed up.

‘Everyone wants us back together. Not just me. So...then we are back together. Yeah. Y/N is still mine’ the now insane blonde thought to himself.

“....Ok well, time to go, get some sleep, see you idiots in the morning!” Bakugou said while pushing the group out of his room. Once they made it over the threshold, he slammed the door.

With an insane plan in mind, Bakugou checked the time and saw he could take at least a good hour long nap before he had to get ready to leave for school. And that’s exactly what he did. So he jumped into the covers, grabbing onto the picture and drifted off into sleep.

——————————————————————————

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *click!*

Bakugou’s alarm rang once more, and again, he slammed it shut. He stretched, got up outta bed and changed into his uniform. That power nap really well rested him, but it also must’ve fucked up his brain even more.

‘And now it’s time to go see my beautiful girlfriend,’ he thought to himself.

After Mina’s comments last night, it hit Bakugou with a great realization. Everyone wanted him and Y/N back together. Not just him. So why not give everybody what they want? Sure maybe Y/N might not completely want it but she’ll learn how to love Bakugou again. Everyone’s happy. And so, Bakugou was convinced that him and Y/N were back together.

At breakfast, Bakugou ran down to already see the Squad up and eating.

“Why the hell do you losers look like death?” He asked while grabbing a cup for his orange juice.

“Well we were all trying to sleep, but after what happened this morning, we couldn’t.” Mina explained.

“What happened this morning? There was nothing big except you guys helping me out.” Kirishima really couldn’t believe it. Had his dear friend not even notice his weird ass trigger moment earlier?

“Alright whatever. Anyway, wheres Y/N?” Bakugou asked after he finished his cup.

“Oh, she just left. She had an early breakfast and went for a quick walk.” Mina said.

“You planning on talking to her today Kacchan?” Denki questioned him.

“You damn Spark Plug, of course I’m gonna talk to my girlfriend today. Fucking idiot.” He said as he grabbed his bag and walked out the kitchen.

“.........Huh?” The entire squad was left in confusion.

‘Had they gotten back together this morning? Did she really accept him back that fast? What the fuck is going on?’ They all thought.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?” Kaminari cried out as he pulled at and scruffled his hair in confusion.

Ah Denki. Always saying what everyone is thinking but the only one ballsy enough to idiotically say it aloud.

——————————————————————————

As she walked to class, Y/N hummed a little song to herself. She enjoyed her walk as it helped clear her mind from all the recent events. Her breakup with Bakugou really took a toll on her. They were together for almost 2 years (EVER SINCE JUNIOR HIGH) so of course the split hit her hard. He accused her of cheating and burned her. So much for trust, right? Not only that, but the burn left a tiny scar. Usually, due to you having a regeneration ability as part of your quirk, Phoenix, the scar should’ve healed up. Maybe the emotional damage caused it to permanently mark itself in you. Oh well, whats done is done. And now it’s time for class.

When you walked though the door, you were expecting a normal day. Ever since the split, you usually got their a lot earlier before anyone else so you could sit, do a little reading, sketch out a little drawing, or just rest your eyes until the bell rang. Except this time, when you opened the door, someone jumped on you for a hug.

“Babe! There you are you little dumbass. Jeez, I was looking for you everywhere.” Bakugou said as he let go of the hug. “I’ve missed you, haven’t seen you in a few days.”

“Uhm, you said babe??” You spoke with a confused and shocked voice.

“Yeah, I called you babe? So what? We always call each other that. You are my girlfriend after all.” He said so casually as he walked to his seat.

THISMANSAIDWHAATTT

“Uh, Bakugou-“

“Katsuki.” He deadpanned.

“Bakugou, we broke up.” You stated while walking up to him.

“Mm...no we didn’t.” He once again so casually said.

“Wha- I- we- you-....HUH?!” You stuttered out.

“Y/N-“

“L/N!” You corrected.

“Y/N. We didn’t break up you dummy, we only had a little set back and that’s fine. All couples do. But thankfully you forgave me and we’ve moved past it,” he began as he pulled you into his lap, “besides, everyone wants us back together including us so why not make it easier for everyone.”

You began stuttering out none sense right there on his lap. You were in such shock and utter disbelief that he said all that bullshit. Well maybe he was right about one thing. Everyone did want you guys back together, including you both, but that’s besides the point! Y’all broke up! He needs to accept it.

“Baku- no- I- we-“ and before you knew it, his lips were on yours.

And for some reason, you didn’t push him away. Granted you didn’t accept it either, but you slowly melted into it. The kiss was passionate and slow. It wasn’t sloppy, it was very controlled, but it was just a lotta lip and tongue. The whole thing sent butterflies to your heart and stomach. Oh how you missed moments like these with Katsuki.

He readjusted you on his lap so that you were now straddling him. His hands travelled down to your ass as he gave it a nice squeeze, one that made you moan into the kiss. Your arms went straight to his neck to pull him in for more and he took it as an invitation to start. The kiss began to get a little rougher. More tongue and teeth, both of you extremely desperate for the touch from one another. With your cunt pressed onto his crotch, he slowly thrusted up into you as you grinded down slowly on him. You both started breathing heavier and letting out little whimpers of ecstasy. He could probably feel your now soaked panties. One hand left your ass and came around to the front. He pressed on your soaked pussy through your damp underwear and it caused shutters to go through your entire body.

You began pressing down into his hand, desperate for more friction and Bakugou noticed. He moved your panties to the side and slipped in one finger. This was rewarded with a louder moan that caused Katsuki to smile into the kiss. He knew you and your body so well. He was determined to treat you right and get you to fall for him one more time. As his finger felt around your velvet walls, he slipped in another one, receiving an even louder cry of pleasure. You broke off from the kiss to throw your head back. Katsuki saw this as an opportunity to attack your neck. To mark you up and let everyone know you still belonged to him.

“K-Katsuki. Don’t...don’t stop,” you panted.

“I won’t princess, I’ll take care of you.” He smiled.

Without warning, he shoved in 2 more fingers. You were so loud and Bakugou was so proud. You were gonna let everyone know what’s happening and he was excited.

He lifted his head to whisper into your ear as you continued to moan and sigh.

“Well aren’t you just a little slut. You want everyone to know how well daddy takes care of you? You want them to hear you scream in pleasure?” His words went straight to your cunt that was now welcoming in his 5th and final finger. Completely fisting you now, you let out loud cries.

“S-uki, .....ah, AH YES! Mm, s’too much!” You cried out. You couldn’t help it, you loved him. You knew you did. Even though what he did was wrong, your body took over and your mind turned off. You fully succumbed to his wishes.

You let your feet hit the ground to stand yourself up a little bit and fall down onto his fist, meeting the thrust of his hand moving in and out of you. Watching the show, Katsuki couldn’t help but stare in delight. His hard on growing bigger and bigger each second as he bit his lip to hold back his sounds. Watching you bounce on just his fist did something to him and brought out a feral beast. He snapped.

He pulled his fist out of your aching pussy and sat you down on his desk. He stood up infront of you and tore your delicate panties off.

“Katsuki-“ you were silenced with a smack to your ass

“That’s not my name, teddy bear. C’mon now, you know exactly what I wanna hear.” He said while caressing your thighs.

“..Yes daddy.” You bashfully said.

With a kiss to your cheek he praised you.

“Good girl.” As he began to unbuckle his belt, you looked around the classroom.

“D-daddy. Someone’s gonna see!” You cautiously stated.

Katsuki reassured you with a kiss to your lips, “We’ll be fine princess, I promise,” he said while placing his tip at your entrance. You whimpered at the thought of him inside you again, it’s been so long. You were almost nervous. That is until Katsuki place a finger under your chin so you could face him in his eyes.

“I’m gonna take care of you, so don’t worry.” And with that you slowly nodded. And he finally began to press into you.

With just his tip in, you let out a breathy moan. He was bigger than you remembered. He kept pressing and pressing until he was fully inside your warm and tight hole. You both let out a moan at the feeling of each other.

“Daddy, please move.” And he did as he was told. With a steady pace set, he thrusted himself in and out of you. Both of you moaning louder every second. While you were enveloped in the euphoric feeling, Katsuki was struggling to hold back the beast inside of him. That is until you came up to his ear.

“Fuck me like you mean it, daddy. I won’t break, I promise.” You said in his ear and Katsuki swore he could hear your smirk. Gripping your ass and continuing his pace he spoke.

“Don’t be mad when you can’t walk for the next week,” he smirked. With that, he slammed himself deeper, harder, and faster inside of you. His tip hitting your cervix. You let our screams of pure pleasure and he did the same.

“Oh yesss...shit daddy..so big..”

“F-fuck! Oh you like that? Yeah princess? ...oh shit baby your pussy takes me so well. Y-Yeah, your tight little cunt takes this big cock so fucking well,” he moved faster inside, exploring you completely. His hands went straight to your shirt and and ripped it open. You had a few buttons fly everywhere, but you didn’t care. He pushed your bra up and let one of your mounds fall into his hand. He squeezed it tight to release a generous moan from you. He then dove into the valley of breast to mark your chest. You held onto the back of his head and tugged at his hair and he growled at he feeling, enjoying every second of it.

“Oh yess princess just like that. S-shit. Oh fuck yes...oh you’re mine,” he went deeper inside as he spoke.

“Fuck! Daddy yes! Right t-there! Oh my god..yess,” you cried out.

“Can you feel that. Oh fuck, can you feel my dick in your gut?” He moaned out. Katsuki went to grip the edge of his desk as you kept your hold around his neck, causing him to somehow move faster. He went up to taste your lips once more

“I love you....so much princess...you hear me...Mm, your mine,” he said between kisses and ended with a smack to your now red ass.

His words had you squeezing his cock. He knew what was coming.

“Aww, is princess gonna cum? You gonna cum on daddy’s dick?” He teased.

“Mm...p-please daddy. Please let me cum,” you said while throwing your head back. Katsuki only smirked at this.

“Not yet~” he pulled out of you, leaving you a whiny mess.

“N-no! Daddy please! Please let me finish,” you said while holding onto his shoulders, inches away from his face, pressing your chest to his. Your words caused his “little” friend to grow even harder and Katsuki only smirked and looked down at you.

“Dont worry teddy bear, Daddy’s not done with you yet.” He yanked you off the desk and pressed you down onto it, with your chest to the desk. Then he slammed back into you, returning to the fast pace again.

“Fuck yeah..oh god look at this ass. Nice and round, all red for me,” he said while pounding into you.

He gave your ass a good few smacks, countered with a thrust each harder than the last before going to lay his chest on top of you to whisper in your ear.

“You wanna be a good girl for daddy? Huh, teddy bear?” He asked.

“Mmm, yes! Yes I’ll be good, just please!” You cried out. He reached his hand over to rub on your clit. Your body began to shake with pleasure.

“Then cum with me.....NOW,” he said, and that was all it took for you to release the white liquid. As you came you could feel his hot release filling you up to the brim. He cried out in pure pleasure while you did the same.

You both stayed in that position for a bit, and you could feel the mixture of both your release dripping down your inner thighs. Soon, you felt Katsuki lower himself to kiss your neck.

“You did so good princess.” He calmly said to you. It was relieving, and you loved the sound of his voice, but you couldn’t help but feel a little off at this whole ordeal.

Katsuki pulled out of you and watched how his cum covered and filled your entire pussy. He smiled at the sight and went to grabbed some tissue on Aizawa’s desk to clean you and himself up.

He tucked himself back into his pants and you rebuttoned your shirt the best you could and flipped your skirt back down. Since Katsuki tore your panties you’d have to go commando at least until you got back to your room. You watched as Katsuki went to throw away the tissues and your torn underwear into the trash can. When he made his way back to you, he held you in his arms and attempted to kiss you. But you turned away.

“Hey teddy be-“

“No, Katsuki. Please don’t call me that.” You said while looking down. Katsuki felt his heart hurt a little. You’re always gonna be his teddy bear, why would he ever stop calling you that?

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” He asked you.

“Us. This. Katsuki, what happened today should not have happened.” You said

“What?” He was so confused and a little hurt.

As tears start to fill your eyes, you did everything you could to not let them fall. “Suki, we broke up. You accused me of cheating, you burned me! So for us to come in here and just have sex like nothing happened is wrong.”

“Y/N, I’m sorry for what happened. Seriously, after what I did it destroyed me. But please listen, I lov-“ you cut him off again.

“I know!.....I know you do Katsuki.....and I love you too Suki. So much,” this brought a smile to his face. A true, genuine smile that you loved so dearly.

“But I’m scared.” You added on. This made Katsuki’s smile drop, worry and concern fill his eyes.

“Of what exactly?” He asked you while gently holding onto your hand.

“.....You.” This shocked him. His own teddy bear feared him. Heartbreaking.

“I’m scared of the lack of trust that you have for me. And not only that, but your quirk too. Katsuki I know you’re one of the best students here at UA, but I know you’re emotions can get out of hand too. It’s clear that when you’re not in control of your feelings, your quirk can lash out. The evidence is right here,” you turned you arm that he was holding to show him the scar he left on you.

Now this really hurt Katsuki. He loved marking you with his love, not with his anger. The fact that he did that to you sent his mind into a frenzy. Until he felt your touch on his cheek.

Holding onto his cheek with your soft hands, you spoke reassuring words. “Katsuki, you were right about two things. I do want us to be together again and I do forgive you,” and with that, Katsuki leaned into your touch. Holding onto your hand that held his face, he released a single tear he didn’t know he was holding and closed his eyes in relief and satisfaction.

“But I can’t be with you again.” Your words caused him to open his eyes and stare at you in shock and fear. “At least...not yet.”

Whew, his heart rate went back down. Oh the rollar coaster of emotions this poor boy was currently on.

“Yet?” He asked hopefully.

“Suki, I’m still trying to fix myself, and it’s clear that you need to fix yourself too. I really want to be with you, but we both need time to grow for each other. I can’t leave you. I know for sure that in my heart, you’re always gonna be the one I run back to, but I don’t want to run back to someone who could possibly hurt me again. I want to come back to you knowing that when we are together again, our relationship is secured.” You explained.

A silence filled the air. You both stared at each other for what felt like forever. Nobody else in the world. Just you and him. He then pulled you in for a tight hug. As he held onto you, you could feel hot tears hitting your shoulder, and quiet sobs left his voice along with a hitched breath every now and then. Katsuki was crying.

“....I promise you. I’m gonna get better for you. I’m gonna be worthy of you and your love and it’ll stay that way for the rest of our lives. You and me. Together. Im gonna do whatever it takes to get you back and I won’t stop at anything until you’re mine again. I swear I’ll treat you better than I ever did before. As long as I know that you’re coming back to me and me only, I’ll wait for you for as long as it takes teddy bear.” He said into your neck with his arms tightly wrapped around your waist.

“I know you will Suki. And I promise I won’t make you wait too long.” You said while hugging him back.

“You better not.” The blonde said.

“Don’t forget though, I’m always yours. And just yours.” You reassured him.

“......Can we at least make this a little easier for me and say we didn’t split. We’re just on a break. A small break?” He said, now looking directly in your eyes while still holding onto you.

You put his worries at ease with your gentle smile. “The smallest break, Suki.” You softly laughed as you both went back in for another hug.

“........I like it better when you call me daddy,” the damn devil said while smiling.

“Shut up you horny idiot.” You chuckled.

‘I can’t wait to be yours again,’ you both thought

You both stayed there in each other’s embraces until the world faded away. It was just you and him. Together. You were both no longer lost. You weren’t at your destination yet, but you were on the right tracks. One step closer to each other. One step closer to love.

A/N: There’s still a little more I wanna add to the story, so there will be a part 3 to close this little short story. Sorry if there were any spelling mistakes. Thank you guys so much for the love and support. As a new writer I never expected to grow so quickly so I truly love each and every one of you bear cubs! Sorry this was so long, I hope you enjoyed! 💗🧸

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oikawaplssteponme · 3 years

Text

roses in your sweater

pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem! reader

genre: angst, aged up characters

warnings: swearing, breakup, brief mention of blood, make-out session, a little suggestive, emotional breakdown (?)

word count: 2,446 words

synopsis: As you fell deeper into love, he fell farther out. Bakugou never wanted to hurt you, but he knew he was going to have to. One last night together and then it’s over, no matter what.

a/n: please reblog :)) as always, id love to hear your thoughts as well <3

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me.

You picked the petals off of the rose carefully, allowing them to fall to the grass below you. You sat on the biggest branch of the largest tree in the park, humming along to the sound of birds chirping. You held onto the stem of the rose, right in between two of its thorns.

He loves me not.

The last rose petal fell to the ground. You tilted you head, chuckling to yourself. What a silly game it was, believing that some pattern will prove if he loved you. You knew he loved you. It was just a silly flower.

You stared at the stem. You counted the thorns Twenty-three.

“Hey Y/N, get down!”

You looked down at your boyfriend, who stared up at you. You smiled.

“Why don’t you come up here instead?”

“I’m not climbing a damn tree. Get down, I have your boba.”

Bakugou showed you the drink, shaking it a bit. You began to make your way down the tree, standing in front of him.

“Thank you Katsuki,” you cheered. Bakugou patted the top of your head.

“Shit, your finger,” he said. You raised a brow, and looked at your finger. A small cut cross the tip of it.

“Oh I must’ve cut myself on the rose thorn,” you explained. Bakugou took your hand, sucking the stray blood from your finger, then giving you a smirk.

“I dont get why you like roses so much. They’re mainly thorns.”

“I think they’re pretty.”

“Well I think roses just trick you into thinking they’re pretty so that you pick them. After all, you picked all the petals so now it’s just the ugly thorns.”

“Maybe I like the thorns.”

“Only you would. Come on dumbass, let’s go home.”

Bakugou dimmed the lights of your bedroom then he made his way over to you. You grabbed the covers of the bed and pulled them down before climbing in. You laid down and shuffled over to where Bakugou now laid as well . You rested your head onto his chest as he dragged his finger up and down your side.

“Keep doing that,” you whispered. Bakugou chuckled.

“Sure baby.”

Bakugou kissed your head softly. He watched as you soon drifted to sleep. How beautiful you looked when dreams ran through your mind. How your lips curled ever so slightly, making it look like you were smiling. He wondered if you dreamed of him. If you dreamed up the perfect version of him in your head. He hoped you didn’t. He almost wished you wouldn’t dream of him at all.

“Katsuki, baby, I packed your lunch!” You said, hoping he would hear you from the bathroom.

Katsuki ran his head under the cold water, forehead pressed against the wall. He had heard you loud and clear, yet didn’t reply. He shampooed his hair for the third time, desperately trying to kill time.

You set his lunch down on the counter then filled his travel mug with his tea. You smiled. You packed everything just how he liked it, even put a small note in the lunch to hopefully cheer him up after long hours at his agency.

Bakugou wiped down the mirror, allowing him to stare at his reflection. He had to stop himself from breaking the glass with his fist, so frustrated with himself.

I have to tell her.

Tonight.

I’ll tell her tonight.

Bakugou knew deep down that when that moment came, he wouldn’t take it. He knew he couldn’t bare to see the look on your face he he would have to snap your heart in two, but he also knew he had to. Snap it like a twig. As if it were nothing.

Bakugou dried himself off and got dressed. He packed up his Hero costume in his bag and went out to meet you in the kitchen.

“Morning love,” you smiled. You leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“Sorry babe I’m running a bit late. I won’t be home until late so don’t wait for me, okay?” Bakugou grabbed his lunch and tea, making his way to the door.

“Oh okay. Have a good day, I love you.”

“Bye baby.”

Bakugou shut the door behind him. You sighed. He would often forget to say ‘I love you’ back but you tried not to think too much about it. You knew he loved you.

While Bakugou was away, you would organize your sweet little home, get your own work done, and wait for him to get back. Working from home was nice, but you often wondered what he was up to. You knew he was saving the world, which put a smile on your face. How lucky were you to be dating a Pro-Hero, and one like Bakugou. Oh how you loved him. You loved him so much. You would daydream of a life with Bakugou, grander than the one you already had. One where tiny footsteps would roam your halls. One where you would have the suffix ‘Mrs.’ before your now changed name. You loved to think of that kind of future, and hoped that he would ask you soon.

“How’s Y/N?” asked Kirishima through the phone. Bakugou scratched his head.

“Uh s-she’s good. Yeah, she’s good.”

“Just good? Everything okay with you two?”

Bakugou clicked the pen in his hand a few times and tapped his foot.

“Look man I don’t know what I’m gonna do. All I know is that I can’t do it anymore...” he admitted. The other line went silent for a moment.

“Just be honest with yourself and her. She’ll understand,” suggested Kiri. Bakugou shook his head.

“No no I can’t. I don’t want to hurt her but I-I just...I have a feeling that I’m gonna have to.”

“Do you love her man?”

“I did...”

“Then you gotta come to terms with it. You can’t force yourself to be happy for her. That’s just unfair.”

Bakugou threw the pen to the ground and got up from his chair. He began to pace around the room.

“I just-GOD- I wish I did. I really wish I did...”

You stared up at your ceiling fan, watching the blades rotate in a circular motion. You couldn’t sleep. You had a horrible pit in your stomach, but couldn’t pinpoint why.

Bakugou carefully turned his key to open the door. He held his breath hoping not to make a single sound. He would be silent. He would simply pack a bag, write a note, and leave exactly from where he came.

You tossed and turned in your bed as you tried to find a comfortable position. You sighed and sat up. Maybe a glass of cold water would help.

Bakugou grabbed his laundry from the basket in the living room. He began to fold the clothes that you had washed earlier for him. He carefully folded them one by one. He stared at one article of clothing. It was an old sweater. It was his but you wore it more than he did, claiming it reminded you of him. He sighed, leaving that sweater in the basket.

You rubbed your eyes, placing your hand on the door knob. Bakugou stiffened up. You yawned and walked to the kitchen. You spotted him in the corner of your eye.

“I didn’t hear you come home,” you whispered. Bakugou chuckled nervously.

“Y-Yeah I just got here a couple minutes ago...”

You looked over at Bakugou with the Landry basket.

“Why are you folding clothes at two-thirty in the morning?” You questioned. Bakugou sighed.

“Y/N come here please.”

You took a gulp of your water before setting it down. You went over to the couch to join Katsuki.

“Can’t this wait until the morning?” You yawned. He shook his head.

“No it can’t. Y/N I have to talk to you about something important.”

Your eyes widened.

“Okay. I’m listening.”

Bakugou took your hands with his. His palms were sweaty. He locked eyes with you.

“Listen there’s-uh- there’s no easy way to say this but...Y/N I’m breaking up with you.”

Your expression didn’t change, which worried Bakugou even more. You just stared at him. You stared straight at him until an ocean began to fall from your eyes. Your tears could’ve filled up the entire room. Bakugou squeezed onto your hands.

“Look baby you didn’t do anything wrong, trust me. I just...fuck... I just don’t feel the same way towards you that you do for me and I’m sorry. I really wish I did. But I can’t force myself to stay. That isn’t fair to either of us.”

Your breathing grew heavier as your entire world fell apart before you. Your head fell down into Bakugou’s lap, muffling your sobs. He looked up at the ceiling, holding back his own tears. He hated himself at this moment. He hated himself more than ever before. He would do anything to love you, but he didn’t.

“I’m sorry baby...I’m sorry...”

Your cries probably woke up your neighbors. How your sobbing didn’t cease. You felt as though a million arrows had just shot into your back. Thorns after thorns piercing your skin. You take it back. You don’t like the thorns.

You looked up at Bakugou. Your lips quivering.

“I’m gonna pack a bag and spend the night at Kiri-“

“No, god, please no...” you cried. You wrapped your arms around his torso, now sobbing into his chest. Bakugou huffed. He held the back of your head gently.

“C-Can you please just spend one last night with me. Please...”

“Y/N that’s not a good idea...”

You sniffled a little harder, gripping onto his shirt.

“J-Just one last night with me please...”

Katsuki kissed the top of your head.

“Okay.”

You and Bakugou walked back into the bedroom. He changed into just a pair of shorts, as he did every night. It was as if nothing was different. He dimmed the lights, you pulled down the covers, and the two of you climbed into bed. You didn’t lay down, keeping your back against the bed frame. Bakugou was seated the same.

“K-Katsuki?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you please kiss me? Just one last time?” You whispered. Bakugou sniffled.

“Yeah.”

You looked over at him, tears still streaming down your face. You moved to sit onto his lap. Bakugou placed his hand on your cheek, wiping away the tears though more still poured.

“I’m sorry.”

Bakugou leaned in to kiss you. Your shaky lips tried their best to savor this moment. You knew this was it. This was the last time you would ever share a bed with him. Ever share a home with him. Ever kiss him.

You tangled your hands into his blond hair, pulling him closer to you. His hands traveled up your shirt, memorizing the skin he touched. Maybe this was all just an attempt to see if Bakugou could gain those feelings back for you. Maybe he said yes just for the hope that he would kiss you, and remember why he fell in love with you in the first place. Unfortunately for the both of you, he didn’t. He kissed you and felt nothing. Similar to a black hole in space, Katsuki Bakugou felt empty towards you, no matter how badly he wanted to feel otherwise.

You cried as you kissed him. Both of your tears mixing into one pool. You knew that if you pulled away, that would be it. No more. You were scared to stop, so he stopped for you.

Bakugou turned to the side, making his lips depart from yours. He moved his hands to his side, and pressed his lips together. That was it.

You moved back to your regular spot in bed, pulling the covers over you. You sniffled again.

“Goodnight.”

Bakugou looked over at you to see if you were asleep. He saw your chest rise and fall with your shallow breaths. He brought his fist to his mouth, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath. He went over to his closet, grabbing and packing his clothes. Next, his drawers. He packed up everything he owned, placing it all in just a few bags. He went out to the living room, seeing the now empty laundry basket. Well, almost empty. Bakugou grabbed the remaining sweater and brought it to your room. He set it down on his side of the bed, which he made. He took another deep breath.

“I-I-”

He almost said it, but that would’ve been unfair. He would’ve lied. So, he instead grabbed his bags, kissed the top of your head, and walked out the door.

You heard the door shut, as it woke you up. You sprung up from your bed, scanning the room around you. You looked over to your side to see that Bakugou’s side of the bed was perfectly made, and that he had left you something. You cupped your hand over your mouth, shaking your head. You didn’t want to cry this early in the morning but it was already too late. Once you realized what he has left you, it was too late.

With a shaky hand you grabbed the sweater and unfolded it. You held it in front of you. You buried your face in it. You cried. You screamed into the sweater. You screamed so loud, Bakugou heard you from outside. He climbed into his car anyway

You gripped onto the sweater, sobbing uncontrollably. The navy fabric now stained black from your tears. You held it up in front of you again, seeing the tear marks. You put the sweater on.

The reason you loved that specific sweater so much was because of how soft it was. Warm and fuzzy, giving you a hug when Bakugou couldn’t. Now, the sweater felt rough. It was almost as if the fabric inside pricked you. It was stabbing you, making your skin crawl. It was as if the sweater was made of a million tiny thorns, when it once was as soft as a rose petal.

You ripped the sweater off, throwing it to the ground. You rubbed your arms, wishing that uncomfortable feeling would go away. You wished this would all just go away.

You splashed cold water onto your face from your kitchen sink. You patted your face dry and looked to your kitchen table. Your flowers had died. Only one wilted rose remained, with only one petal left. You walked over to it, picking it off and throwing the petal in the garbage, where the rest of your love went.

He loves me not.

•

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