#i am way too poor to afford any other games

[nosebleed-inglishera]

Favorite game?

I am a huge fan of this small indie game called Undertale

#nosebleed answers stuff #i am way too poor to afford any other games

[dollymaniac]

🎰♥️💵𝕃𝕠𝕒𝕟 𝕕𝕚𝕘𝕘𝕖𝕣💵♥️🎰

Pairing: Vendetta! Leon Kennedy x Fem! reader (afab)

Summary: You lost your game of blackjack against Leon, but you can't afford to pay him, so, he comes up with another form of payment.

A/N: I don't know how accurate i made the blackjack game, haven't played in a while.

Tags: Nsfw (Minors do not interact), Gambling, oral (F recieving), unprotected P in V (Don't be like this two, be safe), debt paying sex, older Leon, creampie,

thank @explorevenus for being my beta reader, love u.

Text dividers

Ah casinos, nothing better for your drunken ass than the smell of whiskey and blood inside of the room, paired with the hypnotic sounds of the machines inside of the casino, and the clinking of glasses and discarded liquor bottles. Sometimes, the table beside you would suddenly become agitated and you would turn around to the men yelling and cursing, throwing punches over an accusation of cheating, or the fact there was no money to pay their debts.

As the dealer came back, you found this time, your game wasn’t against the dealer himself, rather, a man across the table from you. dark brown hair juxtaposed against his ice blue eyes, not lying around it, this man was hot. Sure enough you two were given each other's names through the Dealer, who just in case, ran over the Casino’s rule for the game, Blackjack.

“you two will start with two cards upside down, and set your wagers each” Each of you with different amounts of casino chips, some stacks larger than others depending on the color. “The word hit will give you one more card. Stand, will give you none. double down means you’ll up the wager and get a new card, and surrender means the game is halted and your opponent wins”

Quite simple. you had the opportunity to create four stacks of cards, and pray to the lord, you chose where to place them correctly so that one of the stacks would amount to your total.

“Whoever scores a perfect 21, wins. if none of your stacks amount to 21, the closest one will win”

His voice seemed tired of explaining this, who knows how many times. and the ‘chin’ of the sloth machines rumbled through the room. Both of you nodded, giving room for the dealer to shuffle the cards and throw them upside down towards each of you.

Leon, your opponent was smirking at you the whole time “Good luck Dollface, you’ll need it”, he was rather cocky, taking his cards and laying them down very carefully.

“Sure” you replied back, just taking your time to pick if you would stack them up or divide them, but you decided to keep them separate. Staring at him, wondering how he could be so confident, for all he knew he could get all high numbers and get fucked.

“Mr. Kennedy, your turn”

“hit” a card was slid to him.

Game on. for what felt like eternity you two ordered around the poor dealer, more and more cards slipped into your hands, Leon kept upping the wager over and over again. Like a broken record he repeated “Double up” and added more and more black tokens, he seemed so confident to just keep upping it a hundred at a time, and every time he did, your heart pounded as he reached numbers there was no way in hell you could pay.

You could give up sure, but that would mean paying the absurd amount he was setting up, it almost felt like he was forcing you to keep playing, looking at him, his smirk alone could tell you that he knew you couldn’t pay if you lost, he knew you would be fucked if you lost.

"Double up" Leon said again, almost laughing. Apparently you weren't being so good at hiding your face of absolute horror as he added another Black token to the pile. 

34 black tokens, piled in 3 lines of 10 and one of found. You were in too deep, 3,400 dollars at game here, and you simply couldn't process how the fuck was he so calm.

"Miss" the dealer called you back to reality "you gonna up the wager too?"

His eyebrow lifted, and honestly looked at you with an amount of concern.

"No, i… i stand"

"Very well"

You barely had added any tokens yourself, maybe amounting to 500 dollars, which was still a ridiculous amount. But your gut felt even heavier when you remember that added up, the entire bet was almost 4000.

"Double up" and this time… he added 5 tokens at once.

"YOU'RE ACTUALLY INSANE?! 4,400 DOLLARS?! Down the fucking drain? Are you stupid?" You slammed the table and caused the piles to come crashing down.

"You can't afford it?" His laugh was something that sent shivers down your spine, making you feel warmth inside of you "Because then we can do some arrangements when you loose"

He sounded so confident.

"Ma'am, please sit back down"

The dealer commanded, guiding you into your seat "Stand", you almost immediately barked back, you weren't going to contribute to his stupid little bet.

"Sir?"

"Stand"

Game was over, he seemed rather fascinated at your reaction. And as the dealer turned the cards over, you began to count each stack, 12, 17, 22 and 19.

You had even gone overboard, but as long as he didn't have a 20-21 you'd be ok, you should be, but to your absolute dismay you say how the cards being flipped were telling a completely different story.

17,20,21 and 18.

"Leon kennedy Wins the prize of 4,400 dollars"

The color from your face drained as the realization you had to pay him more than half of a month of your salary hit you, while he stood up and held his hand out.

"Good game doll, you came close"

You took it, shaking and trying to figure out where that money would come from.

"I told you, if you can't pay we maybe can do an arrangement hun"

Your eyes lit up almost instantly as he offered an alternative, quickly standing up and listening to him.

"I noticed how you looked at me" his hand reaching for your hair "and i also noticed how pretty you are" playing around and tangling his fingers in-between the locks.

"How about you keep those 4 thousand and I'll give you the night of your life in exchange?"

You took a good look at him, he was built like a greek god and honestly you saw no problem with the idea of paying him by letting him use you, it even sounded like a reward for you.

"Really?"

"Yes, I don't need more money" he snorted and pulled you closer, whispering into your ear "so?"

"Fuck—" a drowned whimper paired with the thrust of your hips, Leon had you sitting on his desk, legs on his shoulders as he passed his tongue through your clothed cunt.

Debt paying didn't sound so goddamned bad when the form of payment was letting yourself be eaten out by someone to the likes of Leon.

"Fucking dripping" he laughed "all just from my tongue? Fucking slut"

He proceeded to push your panties to the side, enjoying the look of your pussy covered in slick. Pushing his face into you while sucking greedily at your clit.

Your hips rutting into his face, making him groan into your pussy and sending waves of pleasure through your core as the vibration hits you.

You hands on his hair, he lowers his tongue, teasing your entry before pushing it inside of you, making you twitch and let out a moan of his name.

"There go" he laughed against your cunt, pulling away and making you whine in need.

He unbuckled his belt, slipping it off and discarding it to the floor of the office. Snapping open his pants and pulling himself out.

You bit your lip as he stroke the shaft, his tip weeping with precum.

Not even letting you react before he pulled your thighs and dragged you closer, making you gasp before he began to tease your slit with his head.

You made a whimper and gripped harder to the table, so much it'd leave marks on the wood. Leon laughed "how sensitive" lowering to your face before kissing you, prodding your mouth open and getting your tongues to dance and swirl around each other.

Soon enough he directed his cock to your entrance and began to sink inside you, making you moan against his lips.

Stretching you with his dick, he finally pulled away from your lips "taking me so well, right bunny?" You nodded desperately like an idiot, making him laugh.

He began thrusting slowly against you, enjoying the look on your face of pure pleasure with your eyes rolled back.

The little noises spilling from your mouth were like no other music "You enjoying paying i see" he mocked, before suddenly pulling halfway and then slamming right back into you.

The lewd scream you let out, somehow didn't get listened to through the rest of the white house. He dug his fingers in the plush of your thighs as he rammed into your wet cunt.

"Gonna fill you up, nice and good" he grunted "and you'll be a good slut and take it".

It was the fact that you pathetically kept bopping your head and agreeing to his every word that got Leon even more aroused, especially with how tight your walls are squeezing him.

"f-fuck, Leon I'm—" 

"I know pretty girl" you were painfully obvious to read, he reached out a hand and began making circles on top of your swollen clit, chasing your high more than his own, despite being close himself.

And it didn't take long for you to reach orgasm, legs twitching harshly from pleasure.

"That's it, that's a good girl" he muttered, some thrusts later and you could feel him spill inside of you, making you feel this weird pleasure.

He pulled out, and watched with a smirk as his cum spilled out of your pussy.

"Debt paid young lady" he laughed.

Maybe you should lose games more often.

#hachi thoughts #leon kennedy #leon kennedy x you #leon s kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x reader #resident evil x reader #resident evil fanfic #leon kennedy fanfic #leon kennedy smut #leon kennedy x reader smut #leon kennedy x y/n #leon s kennedy #leon s kennedy smut #leon scott kennedy x reader #resident evil leon #leon x reader #mdni. #minors dni #minors do not interact #smut #leon kennedy oneshot #vendetta leon

[lylian333]

Kaiser x reader bully au

This is my first time writing and english is not my first language

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

word count :1036

warning:bullying ,harassing ,maybe suicidal (the reader is gender neutral but will be pregnant in the future of the story)((these were written before I knew his past)

You hated school...you didn't see any point in it, everyday you dread going to that miserable place with those shallow people.

From monday to friday you had to endure constant mockery from your classmates, you weren't the prettiest...smartest or athletic so you were an easy target for bullies.

Kaiser especially had a fun time picking on you...he knows you are a coward who doesn't fight back.

"Wow Y/N you came to school looking like that? Arent you embarrassed?"

You try to find another way out so that you could go to your class but kaiser grabs your backpack, making the other students laugh.

"Awww did I scare you so much you dropped your book bag on the ground?" He starts to laugh and makes the other students laugh with his ridicule towards you. "Did you know she cries at night...she can't even say one sentence without stuttering."

The students laugh and point at you. Kaiser gives the other kids a high five for making you seem so weak.

You try and reach your books but he holds your bag high above your head, he's tall so it's difficult for you to reach it.

"Let's play a game...you want your books back right?"

The classmates all start to laugh watching you struggle just to get your own stuff back.

Kaiser's facial expression is one of superiority, knowing he is much stronger than you....he could easily keep you here for hours if he so wished.

"Let's see here...why are you so weak?"

The other classmates laugh, he knows the answer...he just wants to hear you say it.

You try to speak up but you end up stuttering

"Oh? I think she's too scared to answer...let's all make her say it!"

The other classmates start to chant.

"Say it Y/N!~"

"Come on Y/N, speak up!~"

They're all waiting and anticipating your answer.

You end up giving him the answer

He finally releases your backpack and looks at you with a sadistic smirk.

"Hm...let's see here...you are weak because....your parents are poor...am I right?"

The classmates laugh, your parents being poor was something people always used to bully you...they knew it was true.

"Yeah, yeah that's it...you're family is poor and you can't afford nice things."

You grab your backpack trying to get away again

But since that he got an answer he doesn't care anymore, he lets go of your backpack but he has one last thing to do before he let's you leave.

"You do know I'm just gonna keep doing this right...you're always going to get bullied as long as you're weak."

He makes a motion of making muscles in his arm in an effort to show his strength.

"Remember what I said...you're weak and poor."

He laughs and turns his back on you leaving you crying, having gotten his kick from bullying you again.

When you finally got back to class, your eyes red from crying and your nose running. You look around the classroom and see the other students whispering amongst themselves laughing while pointing at you, some are shooting you death stares while others are smiling and chuckling mockingly.

The teacher notices you and gestures everyone to quiet down, she looks at you and asks the dreaded question.

Teacher: "Y/N...is everything alright dear? Were those nasty boys bullying you again?"

You hear the other students snickering, they already know the answer to that.

You reply to the teacher by whispering yes

The teacher feels sorry for you but it's obvious she's tired of you getting bullied all the time, she knows the other students get their kicks from it...you're the easy target. You can see the sympathy in her eyes though, she's really trying to help.

Teacher: "What were those boys saying to you this time? Can you tell me?"

"he said that i'm poor and weak..."

The teacher's expression changes to one of anger as she tries her best to stay professional but it's obvious she's upset.

Teacher: "Those horrible brats...they should know saying such things is wrong."

The other students roll their eyes at the teacher, this has happened many times before. The teacher turns to look at you, wanting to know if there was anything else.

The teacher's tone softens as she continues to speak to you.

Teacher: "Don't listen to them dear, don't let what they say get to you...just come to me whenever you need."

She has sympathy for you, she knows you're lonely...bullies target those who appear weak. She sees herself as your guardian. And she truly wants to help. The other students laugh and whisper to eachother making fun of the teacher and her words.

You went back to your seat

The teacher gives you a small smile as she sits back down and the class starts.

When you sit down at your seat, the other students whispering and laughing mockingly at you behind your back. You're sitting silently and waiting for the class to begin. You're trying your best to keep a low profile and get your mind off all the humiliation and bullying.

Your trying to think of something else but it keeps going back to Kaiser's words...you're poor and weak. You try not to let it get to you and keep your mind on the class, hoping it'll distract you from thinking about what happened in the hallway.

*timeskip till the end of the class*

As soon as the bell rings the class ends and everyone rushes to the doors trying to get out fast.

The hallway is filled with the sound of students laughing and talking loudly, their voices echoing off the walls of the school. The students are mostly talking loudly about the newest gossip going around, making fun of random people as usual.

You make your way out of the classroom and to the hallway but you see Kaiser waiting for you...he smiles as he sees you walking through the crowd of students.

He quickly approaches you and pulls you aside into an empty part of the hallway, the other students don't notice as they're too busy making fun of anyone they can think of. The hallway is still full of whispers and laughter even though the bell had already rung.

(also this is like a enemies to lovers but with bully and this story may contain....things)that all from me hope you guys love it

I apologize if you don't like pink but it is my favorite so deal with it >:)

#kaiser x reader #michael kaiser smut #yandere kaiser #bllk x reader #bllk x you #yandere kaiser x reader #blue lock angst #bllk x y/n

[ender1821]

nobody likes pearlescent (froglights) — clips from impulse’s latest stream

transcript and bonus Pearl responses below!

Impulse: —a lot of stuff, actually. Oh, man, I got some building I need to do, I don’t want to spend my entire week restocking… Look at that, we’re out of the froglights, too.

Impulse: Ooo, okay, not those (pearlescent) ones though. Dang it, man, nobody likes pearlescent.

Pearl, in his chat: OH

Pearl: WOW

Pearl: THE SHADE

Impulse, laughing: Love you Pearl! I’m playing, you know I’m playing, oh…

Impulse: Yeah so I’m gonna raise the desk, if the stream ends, it’s because a cable got caught somewhere. I’ll be back. *audio becomes more distant*

Pearl, in game chat: Wow, someone must really like the Pearlescent block, because it’s sold out — guess you have to restock impulse

Impulse: *laughs* I just read Pearl’s message, oh that’s fantastic… oh man

Impulse: I think the thing is though, I don’t think my farm is working… The question is, did she actually pay for them?

Impulse: *checks barrel* she did! Oh! Missed some, she didn’t see that barrel. Gosh… I’ll take it, I’ll take it, thanks Pearl.

Impulse, reading chat: Will I be signing TCG cards on stream? Uh, yeah probably, I dunno, I thought it would be kinda cool if— *reads that Pearl joined the game* oh no.

Impulse: I thought it would be kinda cool if I got together with Tango, and maybe Tango and I can hang out together signing cards, you know what I mean? Maybe we could stream that, that could be a cool thing.

Impulse: *laughs at Pearl being stuck at his elevator*

Pearl: Your elevator is the— It’s the worst!

Impulse: What is happening? Are you stuck? Are you stuck in there?

Pearl: I hate your elevator! I can’t do it! I suck at it man… Here we go—

Impulse: MCC champion here everyone— oh wait, not yet. So…

Pearl: The crown on my head is all that matters, okay? Don’t mock me! Yeah, there we go.

Impulse: You did it! You went with the reverse exit, I like that strat, let’s see…

Pearl: Apparently any other way just does not work, and uh… that’s how it goes, I guess.

Impulse: I don’t understand… It literally doesn’t work for you to just walk out?

Pearl: No it doesn’t, I just slide down it.

Impulse: Oh, you poor thing… You can’t afford this whole barrel.

Pearl: How dare you. How dare you even say that? Who do you think I am, sir?

Impulse: I guess you did just do that big job for the Scar cleanup, so… Maybe—

Pearl: Oh, he hasn’t paid me yet.

Pearl: —another situation

Impulse: What are your plans for all these froglights you just bought?

Pearl: I dunno what you’re talking about, I didn’t buy those.

Impulse: Okay…

Pearl: Someone really likes pearlescent blocks, y’know? *cough*

Impulse: Yeah…

#impulsesv #pearlescentmoon #hermitcraft season 9 #excuse any editing/transcript issues im pretty new to doing this #but i really enjoyed this clip so i thought i’d edit the whole thing up for tumblr to enjoy #i wanted to keep her talking about the dragon egg situation in but that was too long for tumblr lmao #dont worry pearl we like pearlescent 😭 #mcyt #saved clips

[weird-barbie]

Effie Trinket / Hayffie Headcanons (probably pt 1) hokay here we go

-Effie's name is just Effie - it's not short for anything. Yes I know the use of Euphemia in a lot of fanfiction ties into most Capitol names being Greco-Roman in nature but I think it's important to distinguish Effie's name from the others while still recognizing that tie and here's why

-Effie doesn't come from money - we know that not everyone in the Capitol even made it through the 'first' uprising with their lives and if you put Effie at about 40 in the 75th games (which I do personally) this means she was born around the 35th which is only 25 years after ABOSAS which isn't really that long. Long enough to take a generally poor family (during the 10th games) to a lower middle class family (during the 35th) if you worked really hard and scrimped and saved, but they're not going to reap wealth in one generation without connections, which I don't think they had.

-I have Effie's mother as a seamstress (duh) and her father in a labor position - there wouldn't be enough avoxes to cover all of the labor the Capitol needs ever so someone has to do the dirty work. She's also an only child because kids are expensive. To me, 'Euphemia' is an upper class name. Effie isn't. It's the one thing she keeps that ties her to her past. So how did she wind up being an Escort? -Well for one thing she's one of the most determined women in Panem, she's sharp as a tack and quick as a whip, and you don't learn style without being into fashion and you don't get into fashion without absorbing art like it's water. She'd have faked her way right into the Academy if only she had the resources to make the clothes for herself that she was churning out and dreaming up for her studies, but she didn't. She was a relatively poor girl with talent and resourcefulness that looks a lot like Tigris' talent and resourcefulness and you know who would've noticed that? Coriolanus Snow.

-Before you get ahead of me, no, I don't subscribe to any kind of belief of an infatuation here from either side and I don't wander into that ship tag (go off if you do it's not my thing) but I do think that Snow (by the 53rd games - so approaching his mid 60s?) definitely has a hand in selecting students for the key programs in the Academy that flow on to having an impact on the Games themselves. And this woman - young and blonde (we'll talk about her wigs another time) and talented and determined and loyal reminds him too much of who Tigris could've been to just pass on her because she can't afford the tuition (am I being obvious enough with these parallels?).

That's all for now but I might come back with more later. I...didn't get to Haymitch at all but I will.

#thg #the hunger games #effie trinket #haymitch abernathy #hayffie #if you have questions please for the love of god ask all i want to do is talk about this woman

[jobey-wan-kenobi]

Revolver~ 💿

Revolver is a weird one because I can find a flaw with every song, except for...

Favorite song: Tomorrow Never Knows

It's the only one that doesn't have at least one lyric I find annoying so it kinda wins by default. Of course, they did kinda cheat by just making it one long quote from the Tibetan Book of the Dead, but that was a better choice than some of the others made on this album...

Also you can't beat that soundscape. Just fantastic studio work there. A little work of art.

Now, I thought it would be hard at first to find a least favorite on this album, but in the end I found two...

Unfavorite: Taxman or Doctor Robert

Lookit the boys in "Taxman," maxing out their Boomer energy while only averaging twenty-four years between them. Object lesson in how wealth turns your head. Cry me a feckin' river, George.

From my vantage point in the capitalist hellscape of USA 2023, I read about the England the boys grew up in and am sick with envy. Well, not so much the repressive and toxic social attitudes. But the community aspects? The government's doings? It makes this American cry. Robust public transportation. The National Health Service. A functioning social safety net.

And, uh, all this is essential to the Beatles (four nobodies with no real show biz connections)' rise to the top? Yeah, I think you could be a bit more "thankful," Georgie. You'd not have broken out of the world of playing sleazy nightclubs without the leisure and support of the thousands of local fans who began patronizing you at the Cavern and getting your name in Brian Epstein's ear. A full lunch hour, even for the lowliest pink-collar jobs, whereby you can make a daily habit of seeing BABY BEATLES play down the street at noon? John (and other key British '60s musicians) getting to go to 'art college'? George's dad being able to support a stay-at-home spouse and four kids on one bus driver's salary? Paul's dad's employer paying off his gambling debts and trying to keep him on the straight and narrow, instead of sacking him on the spot as would happen in any "at-will" employer? Mona Best having the spare room to turn her basement into a club? George Martin having the tenure and creative control at EMI to take a risk mentoring his rough Liverpudlian studio-virgins? Ringo's extremely poor family not being rendered so broke by his year-long hospital stay that his stepdad couldn't afford to buy him a drum set for Christmas? Oh, and let's not forget the Labour government decriminalising homosexuality. That's civilisation. It's all worth paying for, lad!

Anyway, the government still left you boys enough money to a) buy nice homes and cars and party party party, b) found and then completely mismanage Apple Corps, and c) spend a decade suing each other into oblivion. It's not like the taxman left you bereft. You were, like, fine.

But at least Taxman's lyrics are vaguely clever, and it's fun to listen to. Doctor Robert sounds too samey, but in a less interesting way. A true throwaway. And its lyrics are shit.

I could lop both of them off the album and be OK.

---- ask game ----

#'and your bird can sing' can stay tho... *that* one is actually deep #*casually sips my tea* #beatles #revolver (album) #ty for the asks love <3 #i'm throwing so much shade in this ask but i really do love this album believe me 😭

[soul-invictus]

15 Questions

Hey @vayneoc, thanks fpr tagging me! 🖤

Are you named after anyone? I would really like to be named after the Grand Duchess Anastasia Romanova, but I'm not. No data on this question available, all I know is my dad thought was a great idea.

When was the last time you cried? Can't remember, I'm stone cold most of the time. It was probably a year ago a few weaks after my granny died.

Do you have kids? I am a 34yo kid.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? I do but try not to because most of people don't seem to understand sarcasm and get offended. Everyone gets so easily offended these days. Actually I'm an ironic kind and try to do everything with humor.

What sports do you play/have you played? Not much, too lazy for this. A few months in a vollyeball section at school. A few years of heavy lifting at the gym, could've gotten a candidate master's degree buuuuut, as was mentioned above, too lazy. Then life happened and I ditched it all.

What’s the first thing you notice about other people? It's how they behave, I'm not a fan of snobs and narrow-minded people. Those who are open, simple, honest and cheerful are my folks.

Eye colour? Blue.

Scary movies or happy endings? Scary movies with happy endings, happy movies with scary endings. It doesn't matter much, the movie must be good in general.

Any special talents? Can't say for sure. I just do what I do the best way I can.

Where were you born? Northern Russia, Yamal to be precise.

What are your hobbies? My work lol. Okay. Drawing (watercolor and digital), reading, knitting and crocheting (yep, I'm old), collecting figures, lifting weights, etc etc, but what occupies the most of my scarce time is VP (and gaming ofc). I worked as a retoucher for almost 15 years and wanted to be a photographer, so VP is a good opportunity not to lose any skill I got.

Do you have any pets? Had a few - a red-eared slider, a siamese and a scottish fold, a bunch of guppies, tiger barbs and catfishes. My late dog, of course, poor baby, miss her something awful :( Don't have time for any pets in the near future unfortunately. Would really like to have a dog someday.

How tall are you? 172cm, 5'6"/5'7"

Favourite subject in school? English and arts. I liked teachers more, not subjects. We had the best ones we could have.

Dream job? No need to dream, I have a dream job already. It's the biggest typography in the city and I'm open to print you whatever the hell you desire. But to be honest I've always dreamed not to work at all, just have a shitton of money and travel the world. I can't afford this in real life and it's not about the money - I don't have any free time. At all. Just work-work-work, like in Rihanna's song. I also would love to be a tattoo artist, buuuut this is not an option as well.

Don't know who to tag :D How about you folks? @scrinovskaya @kittenchrissy and @katsigian

#ask #about me

[juni-ravenhall]

a story or small book or a poem about stuff i thought about

i didnt have any responsible adults in my entire life. i dont have any still now, when im a disabled adult living in poverty. i think a lot about how nice it would be to find some lonely old middle class people who take a liking to me and adopt me as their kid or grandkid since theirs doesnt talk to them much. how much it would help me to have support from anyone.

i was the most bullied kid in my entire elementary school. i never thought of it that way until recently when i randomly said it out loud during a convo on some related topic. after elementary school i was still bullied and isolated and judged, but not always the no.1 victim. i have a lot of damage from how bullied and alone ive always been, including how isolated i am now. i had friends sometimes, but i lost them.

i live in poverty and cant afford a dishwasher or a good bed. my back hurts a lot on top of my other illnesses. i have to wash a lot of dishes and cook a lot of food alone. the bed is uncomfortable. it hurts my back. when my back hurts, it makes it harder to focus, or rest. it makes everything harder than it already is. i cant really think at all on the days when the pain is worst. i stretch. i try. but im also stuck without money inside a small apartment in a bad neighbourhood, and its hard to feel the motivation to do anything.

the wellfare system and the healthcare system doesn't care to help me get healthy. i'm supposed to simply "find a job", even though my resumé is empty with an unexplainable gap of a decade. i dropped out of uni maybe 3 or 5 times. i dont have a degree. i barely made it through highschool. i didnt know that it was mental illness and symptoms of the abuse. i didnt understand that until i was over 20. i still didnt understand that when i tried to do uni, over and over. i kept trying because i am a hopeful person. i tried to learn alone and create alone, too, because i had hope. but hope doesn't get you anywhere if you don't have any support. i know that now.

i think about that im smarter and more knowledgeable and more effective than most people ive ever met who earn 30k sek a month. like the people who yell at me from the wellfare office for asking questions. or the doctors who conclude that i require no treatment despite my obvious disability. or the people making videogames who dont understand anything about game design. i do understand it and i could teach them so much in one hour, if they talked to me. i could make someone a master artist if i taught them for a few weeks. i am fluent in english on top of my native language and understand linguistics and etymology really well. i can read and write in 4 different alphabets at least. one time i composed an original piece of music for my sibling's school project in the span of a few hours of a night, and they told me everyone in their group was amazed that i made something unique for them, from scratch, that quickly.

i don't think that i'm less capable or less skilled or less intelligent or less rational or less efficient, than middle class people. i don't have any proof that this would be the case. the thing i do have proof of is that i have a lot of struggles that come from being a childhood and adulthood abuse victim and bully victim with no support network, with no help, with no money to ask for help. maybe i wouldn't be this damaged today if i had had 15k sek a month for a few years.

i wouldnt even know how to spend 30k sek a month. well, that's not true. i would save it for the future, to stay safe, while also donating to people in my communities, like my tumblr dashboard. that person that often struggles with rent and meds. that person that does emergency commissions. that person with a sick cat. those people, i would give 1000kr each of my 30.000kr salary. if i gave 1000kr to three different poor people every month, i would still have 27.000kr. if my rent and bills were around 10000kr (in a nicer place than now), and i eat food and use hygiene products for around 3000kr, and i buy meds and clothes and bus tickets and small things for around 2000kr, i would still have 12.000kr left. thats pretty much just completely insane. if i saved 12k sek every month, i would have saved more than 100.000kr in one year from my salary, and still given away 1000kr every month to three poor people, and still been able to live happily with food, medicine, bus tickets and cinema visits, and warm clothes in my size.

i could save 12k sek a month, or i could use 2000kr more, to give 1000kr more to two more poor people. for a total of 5 different struggling humans who i could give 1000kr each month. and still save 10.000kr for my future safety. every month. more than 100.000kr savings a year.

the people who earn 30k sek a month in sweden are earning relatively small salaries. there are many who earn 35k, or even 40k, or even more than that. they don't usually give 1000kr a month to 5 different poor people. they also don't usually get therapy, which they can afford, although some do. if i had 10.000kr left just for savings every month, i would get horse therapy, every week. but i might not even have to use the 10k for that. i might be able to cover that partially with the 2000kr i calculated for other spendings. i would be really happy if i could get horse therapy every week.

if you are middle class, you don't live in the same world we do, i don't think. i don't really understand how it works anymore. if you could give 1000kr to 3 or 5 starving people every month, and still save 10.000kr every month, and still live freely and happily and healthily yourself every month. why would you not do that? i think that's why they say "poor people stay poor because we give money away". when we have it, we share it, because we understand how valuable even the smallest sums are. but it's still hard for me to understand how people earning 30k+ sek every month are the majority of this country and how the majority of people are not doing anything similar with their money as what i would do.

my skills, logic or knowledge don't earn me anything. because if you don't have a network, if you don't have support, if you don't have anything, you can't get anything, either.

my only way out is to keep having hope even though i've learnt that hope doesn't actually help me at all, beyond keeping me from killing myself, sometimes. mostly it's the fact that yasmin would be alone that keeps me from it though. because she also has no support, she also doesn't have anything. at least we are together, in the cold without proper winter clothes. at least we are together, when the drug addicts are banging on our window at 4am. at least we are together, wondering how to ever find any means of employment, in a system that's built against us. how to find support in a society where middle class people will tell you that you aren't trying hard enough, while they don't know even how much 100kr is.

112kr is bus tickets back and forth to downtown for two people. that means we can go windowshopping together, or to the library, but we can't buy anything. 200kr means we can go downtown *and* buy a small trinket or a snack. 500kr, means we can go downtown and buy a piece of second hand clothing, or go to the cinema together, or eat a restaurant meal together, one of those things.

1000kr to a poor person every month can help them buy their meds. pay their rent. or to go to the cinema to cheer up, because sitting in a cold small apartment in a bad neighbourhood can make you feel really bad. it doesn't make it easier to work, or easier to study, or easier to get healthier and move up in society. it's really hard to make a "class journey upwards". middle class people seem to not realise that they've been fed propaganda about poor people. i can understand that the upper classes don't know and don't care, because they are horrible unempathetic people all throughout. if you have that much money and don't help the ones less fortunate, or fight the system for us and with us, there is no redemption.

but middle class people, for some reason, it feels as if you should know. as if you should understand how much 100kr is, or how much 1000kr is, or how much 10.000kr is. because you are only one car accident or one severe health problem away from starting to trickle down in class. well, that wouldn't be enough if you have a support network, or if you have a lot of savings, or if you have a loaded family. but over time, with long-term disability, you might lose your middle class. or maybe your sibling does, or your best friend.

it feels as if it shouldn't be that far away from you, that you can't imagine, that you can't understand that some of us right here around you, in your communities, would have our lives changed by having even half of your money every month. the fact that you don't even have to donate a few 100s "instead of" saving it, or "instead of" spending it on games, or on netflix, or on restaurants. you can spend 1000kr on 5 different poor people each month and still have 10.000kr left over just for savings, or for as many gacha tickets as you want, or for trips to spain, if you prefer.

middle class and upper class people's ability to be patrons to those stuck in lower classes without losing any of their own priviledges is just very interesting. i've seen middle class people tell lower class people that their commissions are too expensive. but if you earn 30k sek a month, paying 1000kr for one single commission is actually more or less nothing to you, on average. the same goes for buying products not made in sweatshops. if you have 10.000sek left to save every month, i think you can afford to not support fast fashion, or fast food. poor people are being exploited, ruined and killed to create those products. not for any fault of their own, but because they were born unfortunate. and poor people on your dashboard are unable to pick up their medicines or pay their rents or buy food and warm clothes, not for any fault of their own, but because they were born unfortunate.

we were born without support networks, without responsible and healthy adults around us. we were bullied and isolated in school. we didn't have the opportunity to make "class journeys upward", because we didn't get healthcare or wellfare or other support to help us get through school, or to help pay for it. we didn't have any energy or ability to "network" and lick boots and kiss ass to get special treatment from richer people, even if we wanted to. the bullying and the abuse gave us PTSD, social phobias. reclusiveness. somehow they really don't understand how hard it is to create a network out of nothing, if you have damage from abuse and bullying. how it's not actually your fault that you don't have support. how it's not your fault you didn't just "get better", when the systems are built against you.

i've been a "free psychologist" to many people online for many years. people tell me "nobody understood me that well before", or "wow, that really changed my life". but i'm actually very tired of being a good therapist for no rewards other than seeing people feel better. no payment. and every time i play a videogame, i imagine i could have a sit-down with the developers and outline to them every single thing they could do to improve the game and sell more copies and have happier players. it comes very easy to me. but there is no way to just become a paid psychologist or a videogame fixer out of an empty resumé. i am not able to try to get a uni degree again, because then i would have no money at all for food and rent. so i am here with my empty resumé, without any support, without warm winter clothes in my size. without 1000kr to give to 3 or 5 poor people every month, and 10.000 for savings, for a safe future.

i really don't know what to do anymore, and i don't know how i will ever be able to take a middle class person seriously ever again, either. not if they earn more than 25k sek a month. below that, maybe they still know what 100kr is worth. i'm not sure. but the majority of sweden's working population earns a lot more than that, and has a university degree, because they weren't fucked up so bad that they couldn't finish school. nowadays, i side-eye everyone i see outside, and wonder if they know how much 100kr is worth. i don't think the drug dealers and users in this neighbourhood know how much 100kr is worth. i wish i could have gone into drug dealing, or into drug using. even just drinking. that's what everyone else does in this social class, for a reason. i just had hope that things could be different some day. that if i was responsible and kept trying, things could get better. it doesn't. i don't know if it matters if i spent my wellfare allowance on food or on drugs, or videogames. i don't know if my life will ever get any better regardless. but i spend it on food and medicine and hygiene products, because i have always been responsible, even though it has gotten me nowhere.

another job i could do would be to give middle class and rich people advice on how to spend their money. i would help them both save and invest properly with my knowledge and logic, as well as spending on a healthy mature life for themselves, and investing in their own happiness as well as their family and community's happiness. i could do all of that. it comes easy to me. i think i could be a counsellor. i could be a game designer. i could teach people how to be great artists. i could teach people how to improve themselves. or i could make music and some people would enjoy it enough to pay me for it. there are really many jobs that would come easy to me. everywhere around me that i look, i see people who don't understand as much about the world as i do. who don't know how to improve or how to move forward, when i can see it easily. i don't think that i'm lesser than people who earn 30.000kr a month. i heard that they take coffee breaks and smoking breaks. i heard that they go get sushi for lunch. i heard that you actually even get extra money for healthcare and other things through benefits of your work. i don't know why they don't know how much 100kr is worth.

the doctors told me that there is nothing they can do to help me, but if i pretend that i have autism, i might be able to get more help. because there are systems in place in sweden for people who have autism, and there might be ways for me to get more support and more different kinds of help that way. but i am a responsible person, and i felt that it would be wrong to pretend to have autism if i don't. the help that they said might be possible is also just a "might" or a "maybe". i think i would pretend to have autism if they told me that i would get 30.000kr a month by getting a job through a special programme for autistic people. but i don't know if anything like that would ever happen, so i don't feel comfortable taking a gamble on it. i also feel really angry that the system is like this, and that well-meaning psychologists at the city hospital feel pressured to tell me that the only way they can help me is if i say i have autism.

the only idea i really have for how to not die is to eventually be able to finish making a serious videogame, all alone or with the help of yasmin, or my sibling, or someone i havent met yet. there are people like me, who are creative and analytical, who made very successful videogames alone or almost alone. and i think im a very good game designer, because it comes easy to me. i always know how to fix other people's games, even though nobody asks me to. i know what's wrong: it's usually the same few things. they lack clear direction, in gameplay, art, story, or in everything. they lack a clear sense of their target audience and their desires. they lack understanding of the fundamentals of good game design and what makes games fun and enjoyable and satisfying to play. they lack focus on making the core of the game strong and solid and focus too much on unnecessary things outside of the core gameplay and other pillars of the game. they lack skills in design, or skills in art, or skills in writing. which again comes back to lacking focus, because almost everything is about focus. it's about understanding what the most core things are, what is the most important, both to you and to your audience. it's about pushing design into interesting unique places, or about pushing boundaries for realism, or about limiting your scope to your resources and goals.

when i said i could make someone a master artist by teaching them for a few weeks, it's more or less the same thing. i would teach them that they need to find a core and find focus. they need to push the limits of their art and their ideas, and maybe the limits of the world and society. to focus on shapes and colours and feelings and pushing extremes, while also learning fundamentals of anatomies and perspectives and layouts just to back up the important parts. or if they just want to make ugly vectors for a boring company for 30.000sek each month, i would teach them to focus only on improving those skills necessary for that and to have a full understanding of what their niche means and what the market is like for them. i would also teach them that they can still push their personal limits and make interesting work even if they have a job making ugly art for a boring company, if they wanted to. i would teach them how to market and advertise their art. most of everything is just about focus and about cores and about disregarding useless things. those kinds of things come easy to me. i think it doesn't come easy to most people i see that earn 30.000kr a month. i could even be their therapist to help them stop feeling inferior about their art or stop having impostor syndrome. i understand how the world works and i'm able to teach others about it, if they want to listen.

the biggest evil in the world is expansion, the concept of expansion. our planet and our societies are going to be destroyed because of expansion, and we are hurting today, especially those of us in lower classes, because of expansion. the opposite of expansion is to make smaller and make less. the balanced version is to sustain. if the rich people stopped expanding, the planet and its poor people would do so much better. if we started sustaining instead of expanding, we would be good on our way, and if we started lessening, we could reverse most problems we have.

expanding comes in many forms, everywhere, all the time. when you want to have more money even though you already have enough to live a healthy, safe and happy life, that's expansion. when a company wants to make more money this month than last month, even though its owners have enough money to live a happy life, that's expansion (unless their only purpose in making more money is to help society in some way). when a government wants more land, that's expansion. i could really go on, but almost every evil in the world is expansion at its core. it's about someone wanting to get richer, someone wanting more priviledges, and that someone is someone who doesn't need it, someone who already has it. a company who already has it. a billionaire who already has it. a government who already has it.

i understand a lot about fixing the world. i understand that solving homelessness is possible and would logically be a good investment for societies. i understand that keeping people poor and exploiting them is a way for powerful people to stay powerful. i understand that nobody who has power or money actually wants to help fix the world, because it wouldn't benefit them personally. i understand that those of us who do want to fix the world never get the resources to do so, and won't receive funding from the people who don't want it fixed. i also understand that if i became a politician, i would get death threats. my life would be even harder than it is now. i don't have the option to gamble with my safety like that, when i can't even afford warm winter clothes in my size. it's also not the very easiest job for me. the very easiest would be game designer. the second easiest would be counsellor. politician comes a bit later. i think it would be nice to perform a job that's easy for me and earn 30.000kr every month.

i have a hard time focusing on creating things these days, or focusing on learning things that would help me, like programming. i know a bit of programming, and i know the logic of it very well. i could map out the way the code should work on paper. but learning all the phrases and exact ways of putting it together takes a lot of effort from me, and with my disability it's difficult to do that. i used to draw a lot, and i studied animation very deeply for some years. i read everything about the history of animation that i came across, and about all the fundamentals, the ideas, the ways to make good animation. different mindsets, some that i agree with and some that i don't. i don't think that good animation has to be smooth, or anatomically correct, or correct in perspective. i think anything can be great if it's done with a lot of feeling and honesty and genuinity. you have to have focus. you have to know what your core is, and what the core of your animation is, what the core of each movement, each action, and each scene is. the core of each character. the core of the story, and the colour palettes. the feelings and the motifs. i don't agree that it matters if its two frames or thirty frames. the part that's going to blow people away is the feeling and the extremes. the wild bold colours, or the extremely minimal colours. the massive movements, or the nuanced tiny ones. the ones that tell a story, or the ones that give you a feeling and a sensation without a story. the ones that are anatomically correct and twenty-four frames per second are never going to matter to anyone if they don't feel like anything. that's what i think.

most things are about focus and cores and about not wasting resources on the wrong things. it's about not expanding in the wrong direction. things that come easy to me. if i had the energy, if my back didn't hurt so much, if i could buy sushi for lunch, i would make the best horse videogame in the entire history of the world. i would get more than 30.000kr per month for it, and i would give 1000kr each to 3 or 5 poor people every month to help them with their rent, or their meds, or their sick cat. i would be the responsible adult in my life who has got my back, who can support me, who can help me, and i would be that adult for others. i would pay to go to horse therapy every week, and i would still be able to save 100.000kr every year, and i would be safe, and i would be happy.

#personal #nonhorsgaem

[thedetectiveofinaba]

@thuganomxcs asked: “😤 Any Zelda-related Pet Peeves?”

Zelda-themed munday asks / accepting!

...not really, I'd classify mine closer to a genuine critique or opinion what is a cold to lukewarm take at best. (I f.ex have my opinion on the unlinear storytelling and how that doesn't work for me at all, but that's besides the point. It's so far one of the downsides in BOTW)

Probably the biggest one on my mind rn is Rupees in games. The monetary structure in the games has always been kinda unique on you being too poor to afford anything but at final meters you have at most times 999 Rupees bc you have bought all upgrades and there's only essential items like Shields to buy. Skyward Sword fixed some of these aspects by giving you shield upgrading and fixing to do in the end game but the spectrum is that it's either too poor to buy a single arrow or too rich to care how you burn money to air.

At BOTW I am irked that you cannot sell your shields/weapons/bow like other items and loot. It's probably set up that way to encourage exploration but if you can sell Boko Guts and other stuff by all laws of logic I should be able to sell my used weapons as a small sum of Rupees. It wouldn't have to be that much, max. 5 per item but it'd incentivise me to use extra customization in the game what cost more Rupees.

#queue line #queue [paper pile] #ask answer [you received a message] #ask answer #askbox answer / mun's answer #askbox answer [shirogane speaking]

[jeuneoiseau]

I was told we were so blessed.

We had exuberant Christmas mornings, I never went hungry. I always had what I needed. Only then to turn around to make jokes about being poor because we couldn’t afford certain things like a brand new wardrobe, or exotic vacations, or because our furniture would often come secondhand by the gift of my mother’s garage sale sifting skills. I was handed the idea that I could not have what I wanted, when in reality, I always had more than I needed. So, as I grew and earned money, I clung to it as a means of being “wise,” yet watched as friends and siblings earned and spent with ease. We acquired similar lessons, but I walked away with a lack mentality, and it has followed me close-by into my late 20’s.

I have attended schools, purchased plane tickets and train passes, paid bills and car insurance, bought organic groceries, gone on road trips, filled tanks with gas and stomachs with food and drink. I’ve gotten manicures and pedicures, had dinners by the river, bought birthday gifts, cat food, earrings, and beauty products. I have also moved back in with my parents as a means to save, made 90% of my meals at home, for 10+ years kept the same clothes, gave myself haircuts, skipped dentist checkups and coffee shops and things I really really really want. I’ve sat home while others flew out of the country, or even six flags, big birthday bashes, or wedding ceremonies. I’ve said “I hate money” more times than I can count. And I hate it, I do. But it exists. So what now? How can I, 28 and feeling stuck and desperate, undo this idea that the life I want is unattainable in all its simple beauties sold to us as luxuries (credit: kanye). Must I become entirely independent in order to succeed? Any thing offered to me, and I cringe with the idea being in debt, of owing something to somebody. What does it mean for me to live free? I’m done with the constructs. They just weigh me down. If all I want is a garden among birds, a desk by a window, and a route to a city, does that make me silly? Am I not strong, powerful, feminist enough for the modern world? Hierarchal space where one works their way “up” sounds a game to me. I’ve no pleasure in pleasing the patriarchy or holding up this constructural society. My resume states: Hard worker! Organized! Attentive to detail! Patriarchalized! And I want to sign “fuck off!” at the end, not to anyone in particular, but simply the idea that I can not be tender and function in western culture. I’ve tried it. I’ve crumbled. And every cell knows better now, so much so that my system is breaking down. You’d never tell. You’d say things like “You? Tired? Just wait until you’re 30, 45, 68, 79. Then you’ll know, you’ve got plenty of time.”

Maybe you’re right. But I don’t believe you. I think that you’ve likely gone hard. Born broader than me maybe, but far worse at hearing the words that send a wave from the womb into the frontal cortex, sending signals and wiring new worlds for those who poo on people like me, but share their songs to their instagram story. “God these words get me. Just bought a ticket to Italy!” Maybe I am in self pity or maybe I’m just angry. That a thousand before me and a thousand after will realize what I too know, and leave this place not organized for their minds and medicate in hopes they don’t too soon go. But what is the point? Of anything at all if the struggle outweighs the reward? Depression is lack of connection, a requirement too much to depend on.

I saw a homeless man last week while driving to my job. I was stopped at a red, he sat on the edge of a sidewalk corner with nothing- not a bottle of water or an iphone charger. He held his feet, knees bent to chest like a toddler as he looked up smiling. Maybe he was strung out, or maybe he was only high on the moment. But, for the first in my life I found that I was jealous of a man who had nothing. I let out a sad laugh in my grandma’s old car, hit the gas pedal (4 bucks a gallon), went to work a position I shrink myself into, and felt what was left tender continue to calcify.

Do you hear of those depressed (connection-less) share of their numbness? And we wonder why they don’t listen to our ‘just go outside, hug it out, dial a line.’ I’ve been guilty too of this. It just weighs on the back of the lack, like piling wood logs on a wheel barrow and pushing, expecting it to function, but the one wheel is out- the only wheel it has is broken.

In my utopia, there is deep belly breathing and eye contact, interdependence and intimate tellings, hand holding, dancing, yelling and crying, releasing energy so hormones don’t become unbalanced and be called a chemical compromise. There is nuance and neuroplasticity to all we’ve deemed disorders. Crutches and labels, and identities in pharmaceutical industries are stripping us of our tender tendencies, the only thing that keeps us all attentive and alive. Where little exists in black or white. And here am I, calcified, can’t even cry, couldn’t let you in if I tried. Vulnerable, but only alone, and that doesn’t count for anything.

This is, I feel, all that’s left. A personal note written on an iphone in a house that I don’t, can’t, could probably never own. My message in a bottle tossed to sea. Melodramatic sagittarius, esoteric, sad and spicy. My saturn return, a new lesson learned. I am either all here or nowhere.

Find me sitting on the edge of a sidewalk corner, knees to chest, smiling up at the sky.

Julie Ellen Vogel

March 2022

#jeuneoiseau #2022 #julie ellen vogel #scarcity mindset

[comically-chaos]

I wanted to go into my 30s with the mark of triumph, but I am quickly realizing that this is not going to be the case. I am struggling mentally and trying to take on a lot while also not really accomplishing anything. Congrats to my fucking 20s I guess? A whole decade wasted on trying and failing to meet any of my true goals. I'm feeling deflated and I don't know what my next steps are, my knowledge at this exact moment is wasted, because all of the skills that I have cannot be utilized.

I'm living the last of my days in my twenties with big plans and no future. Between my family, the pandemic, and the paper ceiling I will not achieve anything of importance. Why the pandemic? Because companies realized that they could not only exploit the workforce but ship my entire department overseas where the cost of labor is cheap.

I couldn't face seeing a pink slip so I resigned before my job could be threatened. I regret this daily. I miss my team and I miss the only job where I was taken moderately seriously despite not having my degree.

I've taken the steps to get back into school to do this, but I'm playing the waiting game for the start of school. Even then, it's just the associates degree and most places require the bachelor's degree. The bachelor's degree has two tracks that I'm looking at, one would get me higher in the future that I want (Cyber) but the other path would afford me more jobs in my area (though I'd like to be 100 miles further south)

I bought the fabric patterns to start making clothing because I'm tired of fighting with online shopping regarding clothing, but I don't have ink for the patterns, a functioning sewing machine to do the work, not the fabric to actually do the things.

I left the job that was pushing me to step down because they didn't have the appropriate staff nor training module for the job. If they had approached the topic differently, I would've considered but they didn't. They met with hostility and wouldn't listen to what I had to say. Not a constructive way to approach managing people. Now I'm in a perpetual loop of being rejected and/or IRONICALLY BEING TOO POOR TO GET THE WARDROBE TO LITERALLY DO THE JOB FOR TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE WARDROBE CHANGES AGAIN.

I just want to work with numbers and create spreadsheets, and present our successes as a group. I love balancing the lines in contracts and getting the job done while knowing what is 'legal' or not. I miss having a team that I could rely on to get things done even when I wasn't around. I just want things to work out and things are falling apart and there's not a lot that I can do about it. Like I'm stressed and trying not to put that energy out there but it's getting hard to do. The thought of having to dumb myself down just to get a spot somewhere in this world is a hard pill to try to swallow and I hate it.

It's this a new level of masking? Just pretending to know nothing and be the husk of myself. I live too close to the river for jobs outside of the big city and too far away for it to be realistic to get a job in my old area.

Just, I hate everything and everyone. Fuck you paper ceiling, fuck the pandemic collapse, fuck my family, fuck those that don't believe in me.

[oozemoss]

I grew up extremely tv pilled; a shining model of real life needs being supplemented by Franchise and Brand. No critical thinking skills, thinks fantasy is better than reality etc etc.

As an adult finally figuring out what is good and beautiful about nature and the bonds we have with other living beings, i have become so cynical about everything virtual.

My first wish as a child was that Pokémon were real. Once I started birding in my 20s, I realized how much more powerful of an experience it could be compared to anything I used to dream of. How many times in my life have I chased facsimiles of the real thing because that is what was sold to me?

Concerns over analytics and algorithms at some point surpassed my need to be close to other people. Psychiatric terms became the outer limits of what I knew about my thoughts and how I contextualized them. I sought answers as any young person would and capitalism, like a predatory Christian waiting in the hospital hallway to convert a recent widow, was there with solutions to suit its needs.

I could write an entire essay about the ways in which growing up poor and mentally ill exposes you to predation by the system you operate within, but I know it’s been done plenty. I could probably afford to read some of it once I find it.

I’m not anti tech but I am exhausted by anime, video games, TV etc when it is still primarily the only way I can connect with people my age. I’m sorry but I actually care fuck all about what happened to your cartoon or how big her boobs are. How do I say any of this without sounding extremely pretentious and boring. How do I break off from internet poisoning and marketing when it’s embedded in the only easy socialization methods I have as someone who works from home and doesn’t have the money to travel much?

I’m realizing the problem remains in how I’ve structured my life but the brain rot of isolation makes it harder every day. But I guess that’s the point of being actually counter culture? Like, it’s not supposed to be easy? Fuck! The aestheticizing of counter culture has even made me forget that too. I feel like capitalism gives you all these paths to “escape” just to wander back to the center of the maze without realizing it.

Other leftist autistic nerds with a deep love for nature and people and deep distrust of marketing exist out there, right? Where do I start looking?

#a co-op vegetable garden could fix me #vent post but feel free to weigh in if you have any suggestions #there’s a lot of nuance I’m #not addressing in my anger #so take this with a grain of salt

[shootingstarwritings]

Hans Off the Computer!

The human mind, when boiled down to its most fundamental building blocks, was simply a system of ON and OFF switches. In that sense, it is functionally identical to that of a computer’s mainframe. When putting both of those thoughts together, the idea that the human brain can be completely digitized and transferred through networks isn’t too far-fetched an idea.

At the very least, that was the thought of Hans Hopper, a freelance software engineer. Currently, he was working at a computer repair shop to get some extra money and to kill time between projects—including his own.

“It could be possible,” he voiced his dreams to his boss, Carl, as they took a look at some guy’s gaming PC. The components were state of the art, some not even out in the market yet. Just the graphic card and motherboard made Hans drool at the sight. Streamers get all the luck, he thought. The owner, some small-name star with a big ego, took poor care of his machine, leading to landing on Carl's shop.

“Y’know, Hopper,” Carl began as he cleaned some dust off of the PC’s parts, “I think if you put that head of yours outta the clouds and into reality with the rest o’ us, you’d really take off. Least you wouldn’t be stuck in this freelancing business and get a real job like some o’ your peers.”

“And be like those corporate suck-ups?” Hans snorted. “As if. I’m not gonna be another cog in the machine. Now being in a machine." He grinned, already fantasizing about the things he'd do if he could ditch his flawed, physical form for a future full of infinite potential inside of a network. "That's what I'm after."

“Least those corporate suck-ups can afford their own places,” Carl sighed. “You’re still living with roommates at, what, 30?”

“...27, actually.”

Grinning, Carl said, “And there’s my point. At your age, Hans, I--” he paused as his phone began to ring with an irritatingly catchy tune. “Aw, shit. Lost track of time.” Before Carl ducked to the back of the store and towards the hall that led to his home, he glanced back and said, “Can you wrap up here and close the store, Hans?”

“You got it, boss," Hans said, waving him off. "Take care." Carl left without an answer, and Hans found himself alone with a PC he could only dream of. "Well well," he said, digging into his pocket and pulling out a flash drive. "Looks like it's just you and me from now on. Let's see if what's under the hood's enough to get my program running."

While Carl had a point that Hans' dream was beyond the capacity of current human technology, the world of sci-fi and fantasy lacked such rules. "Just like that ol' title," he muttered to himself as he inserted the flash drive into a USB drive. "A machine can't act like a human mind, but it can calculate runes with no trouble. Sometimes when we can’t use tech to get somewhere, we gotta use shortcuts.”

This PC was his best chance to experiment on his little program to see if it worked. After checking to make sure the drives were all up to date and the whole thing was running smoothly, Hans executed his program. A few keystrokes later, a magic circle formed on the screen. “Let’s gooo—WOAH!”

Although Hans should have figured that the ritual wouldn’t be painless, having his physical form ripped apart and turned into data was nothing short of excruciating. Reforming himself later wouldn’t be any less unpleasant, but he could never turn down the chance to become data and revolutionize the field of… magic? Science? Magitek?

He witnessed his fingers slowly fade as if turning into dust and flow like a stream of water into the screen. As the entirety of his arms completely disappeared, sprites that resembled arms appeared on the screen. "L-Least it works?" Hans nervously said as more and more of his body faded away.

Eventually, Hans' ability to feel, taste, hear, and see waned as his body fully waxed into the computer. The sensation… was nothing. There were no nerves or sensors to feel with, but he could understand the data that his mind had access to. Overwhelming, yet the sensation felt like precious wine on his lips.

The network… Though small, Hans was amazed at how he could travel through the network of the shop—including Carl’s personal PC.

“No, no,” Hans realized he could hear. He saw Carl through the uncovered camera and heard him through a microphone that remained plugged in. For a tech-savvy guy, Carl was real lenient in terms of privacy. "C'mon, Elise, be reasonable here. We got a meeting with the divorce lawyer tomorrow. Can’t you have your little wine party another day?” Carl rolled his eyes as he pocketed his phone. “Fuckin’ bitch. Can’t give me a break.”

And now, as Carl sat down to work on his computer, Hans realized he could attempt the other upside of the ritual. With his mind now data, he could reach out and override the "data" that was another's consciousness.

“What the hell am I supposed to—MMGPHF!”

It wasn’t the most graceful exit, but Hans couldn’t deny the results. Black tendrils—an unnatural amalgamation of data and flesh flew from the screen and landed on Carl’s face, causing him to fly back a few inches. His body twitched and convulsed, back forming a C,  as Hans’ essence flowed into each of Carl’s orifices. Carl’s feet kicked at the ground, fingers gripping his chair’s armrests, as Hans’ essence attacked and invaded his brain.

“A-Ah, ahhh.” Carl helplessly moaned as Hans override any freedom and control over his body. After a few painful seconds with his back arched and his toes curling as the sensation of being overtaken overwhelmed him, Hans awoke in his boss’ body.

“Well, well,” said Hans, feeling his new arms. “Not exactly my first choice for a body, but not a bad test drive.” He stretched in the comfortable office chair, a gift from another customer. “Man, Carl, for an old guy you don’t feel half-bad.” Now realizing that he was alone, a mischievous thought crossed Hans’ mind. “Well, got some time to keep doing some more research on my little program. Maybe I can find a way to hack into other networks." Grinning to himself, he stood up and slowly stripped out of Carl's clothes. First, the shirt came off as the nipples hardened in the cool air, then the shoes were chucked to the side to allow his feet to breathe. The pants came off next, and finally, the underwear flew across the room as Hans embraced his newfound potential—and his borrowed pole.

“Who knew old farts like you still had crazy stamina like this!” Hans cried out, furiously and desperately thrusting into his grip as he jacked off his boss’ body. “F-Fuck! Fuuuuuck!” Hans let out a roar as he came all over his boss’ keyboard. “W-Woah. Gonna have to clean that up later. Dunno where he keeps his tissues, but...” Hans paused and grinned once more. This wasn’t his body, so what the hell? He bent down and began to lick the keys clean, making sure to savor his boss’ taste with each slurp.

The next day, he sat in his boss' room, giving another client's laptop a check-up. It was a Sunday and so the shop was closed, but Hans' mind was far too wired to relax by simply lying around the place. No, tinkering around and keeping his hands busy was how he would wind down.

Although, Hans remained without any clothes. The feeling of the chair against his naked skin was intoxicating. Never in his life had Hans worked in the nude, but he might have to start doing it more often as he tried on new skins. For now, though, might as well enjoy Carl’s life for a few more hours before trying on someone new.

Hans’ roommates were certainly appealing prospects.

#male possession #dilf possession #male body possession #sci-fi possession #computer possession

[writingwithcolor]

Arab Character Joining Corrupt Superheroes, Police Parallels

Anonymous asked:

I’m writing a story with a Arabian diaspora main character. The story is about corrupt superheroes, and how they affect an oppressed superpowered minority. The main character is one of these superheroes, naively joining them in his teens believing he’s going to help people. Doesn’t help that his parents are having money trouble. Eventually he ends up fighting a superpowered crook, and gets a bystander killed.

1)I know portraying an Arabian character committing violence is a pretty touchy subject, even if accidental. Is there any way I can write this that makes it clear to the reader that the action itself is messed up without the unfortunate implication that Arabs are violent? 

2)A large part of the story is the MC’s parents reaction. They are loving parents, however after this incident happens, they are confused and ashamed. While they still love him, they temporarily cut ties with him. Eventually they reconcile and start to be a family again. In my research (they are diaspora Saudi Arabians), Family is very important and tight-nit. Shame towards the family is to be avoided at all costs. However I’ve also read that disowning a family member rarely ever happens. Is there a way to write this kind of narrative with respect to this aspect of Arabian culture?

Let us begin with some terminology.

- If a person is from Saudi Arabia, they are Saudi Arabian, or more commonly, Saudi. This is their nationality.

- They may or may not be Arab. Arab is an ethnicity. Not all Saudis are Arab. Not all Arabs are Saudi.

- Arabic is a language. Lots of people across the world who are neither Saudi nor Arab speak Arabic.

- Arabian on its own is a word used to refer to a specific breed of horses.

If you are referring to humans, you want to either say "Saudi Arabian" (both words) or “Saudi” to indicate nationality, or "Arab" to indicate ethnicity. If you’re looking to describe your character’s culture, you probably want to call it Saudi culture. (While grammatically correct, talking about “Arab culture” doesn’t make much sense because Arabs are an incredibly diverse ethnic group and there is no such thing as a single monolithic Arab culture).

Now for the first question. In my mind, the issue is less about the character committing violence, and more about the premise of the story and how it mirrors real-life oppressive structures. You have an organized group of superheroes who think they are doing good by fighting “crooks” but in reality are enacting systemic oppression upon a marginalized group. This immediately brings to mind police violence, racial profiling, and the way that policing in North America is used as a tool of white supremacy while glorified in propaganda as a force for good. Essentially, you are telling a story about a character who joins an oppressive policing force, enacts violence upon a marginalized group as a result, and (I’m assuming) eventually realizes that they are not, in fact, the good guys. This is very close to being a “bigoted character learns not to be bigoted” story. I recommend re-examining your premise in light of the real-life parallels and asking yourself whether this is the story you want to tell. 

The issue is compounded by the fact that your character is an Arab teen, who in real life is more likely to be the one facing racial profiling from the police. Taking this character and making him the oppressor in your story makes the already flawed premise even more problematic, especially if the characters in the oppressed group are white.

As for your second question, it seems believable to me that a teen’s parents might reject him if they learned that he committed a crime. However, when the family in question is Arab, you are suddenly feeding into harmful tropes about oppressive and violent Arab parents. You are asking if there is a way to write this respectfully. I believe that there is, but it requires a great deal of care, nuance, and cultural awareness. While it is possible to write a Saudi Arab character grappling with the consequences of violence and familial estrangement in a compelling way, the way your ask is phrased leads me to believe you are not equipped to do it justice. 

- Mod Niki

Think about why Arab people committing violence is a touchy subject, and then think about the general propaganda narrative that came about from the act that made things so touchy. 

It’s going to sound one hell of a lot like what you have here.

Military and police use buckets and buckets of propaganda to continue hooking in young, impressionable teens to commit state-sanctioned colonialism and oppression. That propaganda looks suspiciously like “we have health insurance, we will pay for your education, you just have to do what we tell you even if that means hurting or killing others, but it’s okay because you get to be the hero in the situation.”

Now, propaganda is a very powerful tool. I was taught, in my media classes, that controlling the message means shaping reality. The media is built as a propaganda machine, and when you start to see who owns what media properties you start to see some really disturbing patterns (Rubert Murdoch owns a lot of right-wing sources across America, the UK, and Australia, and he’s too rich to investigate his culpability in spinning terrible narratives found in right-wing publications. He owns the big names).

As Niki said, this situation mirrors police violence and police-sanctioned terrorism. And the very, very unfortunate implications of making the target of police violence be in that wheel. But I want you to look at the media situation that has made the plot happen.

Because even if you swapped out ethnicities, you’d still have a reckoning to do with the American culture that their primary social safety nets involve killing people.

I am not kidding.

Some of the most well-funded unions in the country are police unions. These people have pensions. They have health insurance. It’s damn near impossible to fire them. They get overtime very well mandated, and it’s a known thing among defence lawyers that arrests happen right before a cop’s shift will end so they get the overtime of filing the paperwork. They absolutely go into poor neighbourhoods and recruit based off people needing an escape, and them having the money to provide it.

A similar sentiment is true for the military, except they push for college education a bit more and don’t really have overtime, but they do have deployment bonuses. So the way to get extra pay for yourself is to go out and do colonialism outside the borders. The military doesn’t necessarily like it when the economy is doing well, and don’t like the idea of college being affordable, because they rely so heavily on poverty and fear of college debt to recruit. 

The story you’re telling here goes so far beyond an individual’s actions and instead taps into America’s single biggest cultural investment: that oppressing others makes you a hero. 

The Pentagon funds most military media out there as a propaganda tool, including most superhero movies and a large number of video games. This is in their budget. They will also go so far as to literally commission the games to exist. Part of getting that funding is you cannot critique America’s military, basically at all (the only exception I’ve seen is Ms Marvel, but that’s set in the 90s). This turns any sort of military-using media into a potential propaganda tool.

And the thing is? Even if you fall for that propaganda and were part of the military or the police, you still have to reckon with the fact you put whatever your own desires were above a huge track record of those groups being terrible. You still have to reckon with the fact you didn’t realize they were wrong, and were complicit in a lot of crimes.

This goes very far beyond “the action is terrible” and goes into “the system is rotten to its core, and you chose not to believe it, or to believe you could change what was built with blood.”

“Good” police officers get fired. If you try to question anything, if you try to say this action is wrong, you will absolutely get destroyed. Military’s much the same. You need some degree of buy-in to the concept of white supremacy to sign up for the military or the police, because you need to see their actions as not deal breakers instead of actions that violate multiple international laws. 

In short: you need to see the people being oppressed as deserving of being oppressed to some degree in order to participate with police and the military.

Marginalized people can hold this belief, it happens. But that is a very sticky situation that outsiders shouldn’t touch. 

It’s possible but difficult for you to write a white person having this sort of arc, but it would be extremely challenging to have it not come across as a white guilt story. To not have a socially aware audience roll their eyes at how long it took. You’d definitely not be writing a story with a diverse audience in mind, because you’d mostly appeal to those who saw the propaganda as just fine and not that bad.

This isn’t even getting into the oft-cited adage that boys who bully others become cops, while girls who bully become nurses. And the more police atrocities become mainstream news, the less and less people can convince themselves that becoming a police officer is a good thing.

Which brings me to the point of: how well-documented is this oppression? Is this character walking around in an oppressive situation like, say, pre-social-media where there was no direct access to the oppressed groups and you could close your eyes and look away even if it made national news? Or is this in a media connected world where these oppressed populations have a voice in the narrative?

The former has an angle of the character slowly realizing the horror and it’s slightly more forgivable for their early ignorance. But in any sort of world where there’s access to the people getting hurt? Things get more and more “ignorance is indistinguishable from maliciousness.” And keep in mind, these stories are read in the real world, where police brutality and war crimes go viral, and a lack of knowledge is getting harder and harder to defend as a position.

Media plays a huge role in shaping our perception of what’s happening. Cameras on a situation makes different activism tactics work, as we can see with how activism changed in the 60s and 70s as tv reached the masses. Social media has made it possible for you to look up firsthand accounts of discrimination within seconds. 

This is a factor you are absolutely going to have to consider, when you want to look at how nice your hero is seen by marginalized or otherwise socially-aware people. If there is a way to find out how bad this superhero organization is before you sign a contract with them? Then that doesn’t look particularly good on the “hero”. You’d really have to establish them as super idealistic, super sheltered, super desperate, and/or just swallow the knowledge that they really don’t see anything that happens “over there to those people” as that bad. 

All of the above is more than possible. And they’d still be seen as complicit no matter what justification you gave, because they are.

Does this mean all corrupt organization stories are off limits? No. The reason these stories have such deep cultural resonance right now is because of the propaganda I outlined above. 

But you as the author are going to have to examine your own engagement with the propaganda narrative and do your own private reckoning so your own sense of guilt and compliance doesn’t bleed through the narrative too strongly, so you can tell a good story instead of an overt message story that’s you working out your own feelings.

By all means, write a story where police and the military are taken down, where propaganda is weaponized and the media is controlled (because that’s sure as hell the modern world). 

But know that stories where the hero discovers the corruption already have a ticking clock because we, in the real world, are slowly being faced with a mountain of apathy instead of ignorance. The knowledge of oppression is out there so much that marginalized people are tired of the ignorance defence. 

As the saying goes, “privilege is the ability to ignore the oppression of others.” 

Propaganda, centralized media, and strategic cultural investment made it possible for police and the military to have a chokehold on their public perception. But that’s changing. The chokehold is starting to fade, people are starting to question their beliefs. 

The past year has shown that knowledge isn’t the issue; it’s white supremacy. People don’t want to believe that any of this is that bad. People want to believe that oppression is justified, that if people just followed the law they’d be fine. They don’t want to question themselves. And marginalized people are tired of these narratives where, suddenly, people snap out of it. Because there was so much evidence to show it was bad, but it was only when you do one of the worst crimes imaginable that you realize this is bad? It’s only when it becomes personal that things are worth looking at critically?

No. And you need to examine where you are in processing your own complicity before writing a story where you’ve swapped around the ethnicities to try and distance yourself from the problem, where in the end you made the target the oppressor.

~Mod Lesya

#police brutality #oppression #arab #saudi arabia #military #superhero #superheroes #asks #violence #propaganda

[lovee-infected]

Hello!! Can I request headcanons about gn mc who got sick (with fever or something to the point they can't go to school) and the twst boys decided to visit and take care of them? I've always enjoyed your headcanon! Thank you!!

Riddle Rosehearts

He's got much of a weak immune system himself so he's usually prepared for unexpected situations like this. He knows what to do.

Just lay back against your pillow, do exactly as he says and you'll return to full health in no time

He'd probably be really angry if he finds you out of bed without his permission or spending too much time over your phone and reading books; he insists on you resting and much as possible.

He agrees on being possibly a -bit- over protective but he doesn't mind. If this will do any good at your healing process then he's more than okay with it.

Whenever you tell him to stop over stressing himself because of you he just goes: " Me ? Over stressing? Of course not! If you wish me to be calmer than I already am, then stop playing around and rest well till you get better."

He truly does work his hardest for you while you need him, from takings notes of what has been teached during your absence to spending at least 2 hours a day with you, making sure that nothing goes wrong.

As the strict leader of Heartslabyul, he usually spends most of the day watching over students and checking whether they are doing good at school and exams or not, but for now he cuts back on these responsibilities to take care of you. He may not shout that out loudly, but he always puts you before any other responsibilities he might have. Perhaps he enjoys spending time with you just as much as he enjoys having fresh strawberry tarts.

Trey Clover

You were still trying to catch up with the classes but Trey just knew that it'd be too much. It was him who made you forget about the school and instead, rest in your room.

You are a bit stressed out about not being able to take care of your chores, but thankfully he is there for you. He isn't known as heartslabyul's mother for no reason, make sure that he knows how to caress and pamper you better than anyone else.

Aside checking on you every day and bringing you additional medicines and food, he makes sure to collect notes of everything that is teached during your apsence so you won't have problems catching up with the studies afterwards . No need to mention that his cooking on the other hand is stunning, 5 star chef Trey at your service.

He understands that it might be a bit boring laying down in bed without anyone to talk to, so he often comes to you as you need someone to talk to and also brings you your favorite books to read so you won't get any bored when he can't be there.

He never says a word to make you feel any bad or frustrating about being nursed by him, instead he knows how to motivate you to get better even sooner: " Nursing you is absolutely adorable, but I don't want my dear (y/n) stuck in a bed all day while I'm willing to show you way more exciting things than a just couple of books,"

Cater Diamond

Clones, clones and clones :Time to get to work! The best part with it is that he can always make sure to have at least one of his clones watching over you even if he's busy with school or stuff, not that he lets you know what he's doing though.

You wonder why Cater's staying with you 24/7, as a third year student, isn't he supposed to be like, really busy with studying? Cater assures you that there's nothing to worry about, and it seriously isn't. He can always catch up with everything even his actual self stays all night at yours.

While his use of clones might seem a bit tricky, he still makes sure to provide you with anything you as long as you're sick need and even more: Bringing you roses and chibi, stuffed animals as gifts, along with sweet chill chats whenever you're awake, sending you soft love quotes with a bunches of colorful hearts and kisses via text even as he's right beside you, He enjoys how you'll need to look up your messages to see what he texts you allthough he's sitting just a few meters away from you. Aw, the way you blush whenever youlok at your phone, how cute~

Ace Trappola

What's the purpose of going to school when he does not understand a single word of it while his mind is all stuck on you? What are doing now? Are you fine? Does your chest Still hurt? Has your pain gotten any worse? Is there someone with you right now? What if you need help??

He's about to lose his mind, he tries asking someone free to check on you but there doesn't seem to be such a person available at the moment. 'That's it , I'll go on my own'

With the help of the year gang ( Jack, Deuce and Epel) he fakes breaking his leg during a PE session and yeets off the school for an entire week. YES!

He is moving to your place for a couple of days and Deuce will cover up for him whenever someone asks where Ace is.

Ace just knows that you're sick, he isn't sure of the exact name or type of your illness. On his way to yours, he fills a bag with anything he finds at Heartslabyul's cabinets with any title as -medicine- for you. He'll later look for the right one you need between them.

When you get to look into what he has brought, you aren't sure if he's kidding or not and when you ask, Ace realizes that he's really goofed up: what he actually brought was nothing else than animal medicines, and he he literally brought you each and every of them existing in Heartslabyul; how come didn't he see the pets/only label-??

You're lucky that you already have your medicines prepared, so you tell him not to worry about it. He feels so damn embarrassed wanting to melt into earth right now, but you have to admit he really lifted up your mood. You're happy to have your cute, Crabby-haired idiot besides you while you're sick, and he tries his best to help you with cooking and making sure of you taking your right medicines on time to make up for the mess he made on his first day:" Ehehe...at least...you can use some of them when Grim gets sick, right ?"

Deuce Spade

He really wants to stay there taking care of you but... he has to go to school as well. He has to get much higher grades this semester if he doesn't want to have to spend another year as a first year.

He can't skip any of classes, but promises to spend the rest of his day after school.

He rushes with his school uniform still on to your place, not wanting to be even a second late . He has to carry some casual clothes along with his books since he wants to stay over nights if you need him.

Due to get getting in trouble a lot back at the time, he's rather educated in medical field so he knows much and less of what he'll need to do as you're sick?

His cooking isn't something he can rely on so he goes to Trey, telling that he needs some soup for Ace since he seems to be looking a bit sick lately?

He prepares your food, brings you warm towels, repeatedly checks your body temperature and when you're finally asleep, gets to his own studies. He ends up Having fewer than 3 hours of night sleep multiplr times and once, he didn't get any sleep at all.

He tries his hardest to look his best in front of you so you won't notice how terrible he actually is; when you question the bags under his eyes, he claims them to be left from the mascara which a couple of guys put on him a few days ago for fun and consistently laughs. Damn, this boy doesn't even know how to lie huh? He is literally dying, but he won't tell you a word. He can handle worse...

When you finally return to full health you realize how terrible he's been doing lately and you take rule of his nurse this time. Making sure that your cinnamon roll would finally get some sleep.

Leona Kingscholar

"My room, now". You look way too terrible to be able to make it to the classes therefore he has to make sure that you won't do anything stupid while you need to be taking some rest.

Bringing you to his own room wasn't his main intention since he just wanted to keep an eye on you but couldn't afford to visit you everyday if you didn't live any close to him so, easiest solution to the problem would be you staying with him.

He lets you use his bed but keeps on reminding you that it's just because you're sick so you better not be expecting such things to ever happen again. He would fall asleep in less than a minute at whatever he lays his head on, so sleeping on the ground isn't as hard as it seems. He just had to make sure that you would't step on him or his tail when you walk out of the bed.

He can ask Ruggie to nurse you and all, but decides to do most of your stuff on his own because it'd be a lot worse if Ruggie too gets sick. Sharing the same room with you has already put him on a pretty high infection risk so, that wouldn't really matter if he's the one nursing you or not. He doesn't really mind getting sick either, a free chance to take some days off school and chill; why not ?

He turns out to be pretty good with board games and there's no need to worry about getting bored while you can go for 100+ chess matches with Leona winning you each and every time; a bit ironic, but entertraining nonetheless.

He's actually really enjoying spending time with you, but isn't really expressing it. The only time when he actually shows some direct affection is when he plants secret kisses on your forehead as you're asleep.

Ruggie Bucchi

He has grown up in an awfully poor family with multiple siblings, so he's pretty familiar to the pain of seeing those you hold dear sick .He has turned into a not only responsible but also supportive boy toward friends and family, so you can make sure that he can take the best care of you while you're sick.

Perhaps his only problem is...Leona. He'd need Ruggie around even during school time and the hyena boy can't even have a full 30 minutes away from him which makes it impossible for Ruggie to take his time checking on you at least once a day.

Well, he has to find a way to babysit both of you at the same time so, -Let's take you to his own room-

Great ! He no longer needs to worry now that he can take care of you both. Leona too agrees on you staying at his as long as you don't cause any trouble.

Poor Ruggie has to sleep on the floor but assure you that he rarely gets to be the one sleeping on bed back in the home so, he is kinda used to sleeping on the cold ground.

He knows how to cook? Much and and less of it but who cares? He just asks you what you want and returns with it in 30 minutes; guess why: Because he'd just borrow the food from someone else. He doesn't mind his dirty ways indeed, you're sick so, you're more important than some dude wanting to chill on his food during lunchtime.

He just takes a list of medicines you may need and returns with all of them in his bag. He has to come at the right time on his own every time you have to take any of them since you'd most likely either fall asleep or forget to take them on time.

Enjoy your time with him, because it's gonna be a real luxury. He'd treat you nothing less than the way he treats Leona as he's sick so, you may consider yourself a part of a royal family at his service.

Jack Howl

Fluffy tsundere wolf is ready to give up on all he's got for you, what on earth might be sweeter than this ?

The moment, no, the second he realizes that you're not feeling well, Jack would immediately take you to the nurse office to see if you're. It's such a relief that it isn't thst serious, all you need to do is to take some rest.

Meanwhile you're resting in bed, he'll do the shopping and asks the kitchen for some soup ( You're sick you can't have too salty or sweet foods like normal cafeteria meals ) He gives up on his own meal to get some for you instead, it's just hunger of course he can handle it.

He feeds you and makes sure that you'll finish your entire meal, reminds you to take your medicines on time, brings you your favorite books to read and, most importantly, listens to... anything you'd ask him for.

He hardly ever lets anyone touch his ears or tail but if it's you, why not? You even fall asleep hugging his tail like a doll and he just patiently waits for you to wake up, blushing as he appreciates how cute you look while asleep.

Damn he has to keep the distance otherwise he as well would end up being sick but, it just seems impossible to say no when you ask for cuddles.

Jack tells you stories of his home town and national legends making your mouth drop in fascination. His stories seem to amaze him just as they amaze you and it makes him unbelievably happy to see you liking things he's been appreciating all over his life.

He even gets to the point of talking about his will to become all mighty and strong just like the magicians he looks up to, especially Leona. Just watching his strength gives you the will to overcome your illness and be at least a bit like Jack; he's really great, isn't he?

Azul Ashengrotto

No no no- Unacceptable! You shouldn't be sick, you shouldn't -get- sick- He told you to watch what you eat and what you wear as it's raining out there - HE TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES- But now what? You are sick.

Azul panicks, he keeps on exaggerating the whole thing even if it's just a normal cold. He just isn't the type to easily deal with sicknesses. Whenever he catches a cold, it'll take him weeks to return to full health due to how weak his body is and, he's so worried about you being the same.

Soup, warm water bath, Medicines , magic potions to reduce the fever, ultimate revival spells... he showers you in all of them. Even if the virus won't kill you Azul's overprotection will most likely do, and he'll get really mad if you tell him that he's exaggerating it.

When you regain half of your full health, you ask him to let you return to school and- He immediately pits you back in bed: "No leavings, not until you're done with this troublesome fever or whatever."

You feel like an adult forced to stay in a cradle and wear diapers meanwhile Azul thinks that you're too naive to take your health seriously.

When you finally manage to pull him over, you realize how sick and pale he's gotten since you got sick. The bags under his eyes proved that he hasn't been getting much of sleep recently. "God what have you done to yourself-"

You finally tell him that he's the one who needs help , not you. You plant a kiss on his cheek and force his head to your lap, wanting him to get some sleep. He slowly understands that he might've been taking it a bit too seriously, but since you are fine now, he's kinda glad that he took it hard on you. He just wants you to be safe and sound; even if his it's going to cost his own health on the first placd.

Jade Leech

Humans get sick? It's pretty rare of aquatic creatures, especially eels to get sick so Jade's pretty new to this . 'wow , pathetic , aren't humans?' he thinks . Well anyway he can't just stand back and make fun humans while you seem to be in serious pain, but what can he do? He still has a lot to learn about human life and it's his first time having one of them sick, oh man.

Well, they tell that you should get some...rest ? Well maybe he should take you to bed. First step done , let's go for the rest. He blocks several of his classmates in the corners asking for... information. He simply takes notes . Possibly useful medicines and meals, hours of sleeping, allowed activities, useful tips, warnings, etc.

He has to read the list several times to make sure that he's got it all right. Let's nurse (y/n).

He unexpectedly goes from 0 to 100 like bam- bye eel boy hello nurse Leech. He'll turn your room into a hospital room, a good one though, filled with dolls and flowers and anything he was told to add because they send away positive vibes.

His cooking on the other hand is amazing. He'll look for several light meals for sick bodies but- chooses those which match your tastes . You can't help but to love everything he cooks . Chef's kiss.

He changes your bed pillow and cloths everyday, returning with washed, silky pillows and covers . A warm, smooth bed is what you need for a good sleep.

If there was such a status he would've been the god of nursing; wow you would've needed pay him off a lot for his service if he wasn't giving it all to his darling for free.

When you finally regain your health, he just has one more question left to ask before leading you to your daily classes: "Now now dear, would you mind rating me , and my nursing service?"

seem like he's really curious to see whether he's done it correctly or not.

Floyd Leech

Things seem so uncool when you're not as energetic as always , pale skin as if you're choking on lack of oxygen and bizarreness in your movements like a doll, smh, so boring.

Just like Jade, he's pretty new to surface life and watching you bear with illness looks pretty weird in his eyes?

When Jade, finally, informs him on what exactly happens to human body while struggling with an illness and what he must do to you to get rid of this annoying mode, he understands. Floyd still finds human's body shitty for how weak it is but decides to use Jade's words as a guide to deal with you.

A warm bed, fluffy pillows and stuffed animals, these seemed to be enough for step one: Enough of rest and sleep. He can't blame you on this one though, sleeping is always amazing. Something that never gets boring. Everything seems to be pretty fine to begin with, sadly it won't last any longer than a few hours-

He's told to bring you food, but when he returns with 4 bags filled with chocolate, candy, soda and chips; it's obvious that he didn't get the point correctly. Jade explains that your body is still way to weak for too salty or sweet foods, even highly cooked meals would worsen your immune system and make it take much longer to be healed.

Floyd goes for a second pick up and this time: this time returns with raw potatoes and frozen meat- Raw potatoes and frozen meat-. Well, he just followed everything Jade told him...? Neither too salty nor to sweet, and raw because Jade told him not to bring over-cooked stuff. Even if the virus did you no harm you would've probably died under his food selections if Jade wasn't there to stop him...

While his food choices might be horrible, Floyd's still one of the best mutuals you can have close when you aren't feeling well. With him beside you, giggling and chuckling as he rambles on how boring his day was, you've got to admit that you'd rarely feel sick when he's around. Although you're sick at the moment, nothing seems to have changed between the two of you, he enjoys spending time with you now just as much as he enjoys it when you're all safe and sound.

Well...maybe he can't be the best nurse you'd get to have , but one thing's for sure: No one can ever make you laugh like he does and, you know what say: Laughter is the best medicine~

Kalim al asim

He can't be any more worried, he stresses out whenver a friend is sick and now, it's not just a friend, it's -you-, one of the dearest and closest ones Kalim had ever had; just how can he keep calm ???

He is being raised under severe health protection and hardly ever catches even a simple cold, several people had taught him strict health routines and he had to follow them all over his life, so he is considerably familiar with ways of overcoming and illness , and that's what he's here for!

Jamil forbids him from cooking since it's too dangerous if he needs to use any knifes, but that wouldn't hold him back from finding enormous food recipes based on your favorite condiments to make your meal more pleasant.

He makes sure to prepare anything you need in a matter of seconds, golden peacock or 5000 camels, doesn't matter ! He's got way more than enough and what use would be better than giving them to you?

He can take care of you on his own, but Jamil insists on Kalim leaving it all to him and stay away from you as much as possible (No need to mention the high risk of infection for Kalim since he's almost sticking to you all the time)

Jamil as well would caress you meanwhile you rest at Scarabia (Right, Kalim proudly brought you there ) and Kalim, makes sure to stay close to you as much as he can, mostly when Jamil isn't around to tell him off- He doesn't want to put Jamil in more trouble but, you are his first priority.

You're bound to your bed, but just having Kalim around brings way more fascinating adventures than what you might get to see out there. His stories really do show you to a whole new world and takes the pain in your lungs and chest way further that your mind could catch . Perhaps Kalim is he one and only who can make your mind fly, even as your body's laying lifelessly in bed.

Jamil Viper

For the first time, someone stressed him out more than Kalim always does. He's always expecting to be scared to death because of him, but because of you? Damn he didn't see this coming.

Depending on what your illness is, he manages to freak out even more or clam himself down to his sane self, but the main point is how he's got to serve you all the best until you're totally safe.

He soon prepares any kind of medicine and chemical you may need and you have to use them all properly, don't even think of rejecting any single one of them otherwise Jamil would force feed you: "Don't be such a baby, you won't get any better unless you have these"

Just like Azul, he might be a bit overprotective with your health since he doesn't even let you leave the bed for more than a few minutes. He insists on you avoiding any sort of activities that may be tiring or heavy to your body.

To be honest, the thought of using his snake whisper on you when you don't behave or ask him to stop being so strict over a simple illness crosses his mind. Luckily, he refuses to use it. You're still his lover that'd be too heartless of him to take advantage of you like this just because you can't see how much he loves you.

He needs to keep the distance, but has to admit that it can be really hard to avoid hugging and kissing all over your face when you're gazing at him with that sweet smile.

Having you close makes Jamil realize how affectionate he actually is: How much he misses the healthy and happy you who he was never in a danger. Well maybe this nursing days gives him a lesson to at least try to have some sweeter time with you while you are all safe and sound - and not tiredly laying in your bed.

Vil Schoenheit

You can consider yourself nothing less than a Prince/ Princess when Vil of all people is caressing you. Your body is still way too weak to have control of anything going on in your life at the moment, and that's how Vil takes control over all of them- all in your life. Which means that you now have to live and do as he wishes.

He will take no effort in turning you into one of the fairest of all students in school (Not that you'll ever reach him though) as long as he can have his eyes over you. His rules are way more than just -beauty- ; just as he can be the all fair and powerful Queen who steps on you, he knows how to play the role of the nurse like a Queen would do~

A royal maiden is only to serve the royal family, so it's time to show how much of a princess /prince you can be in bed. You don't need to worry about your medicines or meals since Vil's always organized and on time with them, not to mention that his cooking too seems to be pretty good. He uses light yet, nutritious recipes that you'd enjoy and you're really surprised because these kinds food don't really look tasty.

Perhaps he just needed an excuse all this time to get this close to you, so he can take care of anything he's been dreaming to do with you all this time. Pedicure and manicure, trying on new fruit masks, resting face and body muscles to have a smoother, cleaner skin, etc.

Your room is a beauty salon at this point and you usually forget that you're actually sick.

He works on not only your physical beauty but also your manners, he doesn't care if you're sick or not . It's the best time to take away your poor manners and habits.

Well the scary Queen has got his own soft spots too; while indirectly giving you beauty lessons, he enjoys teasing you as you sometimes look pretty naive and new to all dos and don'ts of a high-level life like his, and he's more than pleased to teach you: "Pull yourself together , potato."

Rook Hunt

He isn't really into the whole nursing game but- If it's an opportunity to stalk caress and admire you all night, why not?

He is lowkey familiar with the basics so, it isn't supposed to be that difficult to handle . Finding pills and medicines isn't hard either since they can all be found at mister S's shop. ( He would've liked it better if he had to get them from a moster or something, anything more adventurous)

Though he doesn't really like quiet and safe journeys he'd actually appreciate it if it's with you. And of course, he won't let anyone else take advantage. Let it just be with the two of you and all~

He isn't about to hurt or scare you in any sort way; it's true that he just loves it when things get a bit dangerous but, he knows how to manage excitement as well. You want him to be a soft gentleman? Then that's what he's going to be.

Rook would be the softest Rook you could've ever imagined when he plays the nurse. It can't even be called nursing: It's about a passionate lover spending all his time with his darling who isn't feeling well. Even his expressions are taken to a totally different level, the mysterious smile he always puts on is replaced with a worried and, mildly sad gaze that makes your heart melt.

Might sound too dramatic bug he may even sing you to sleep. Sweetest words ever dancing to the rhythm of his unique accent that make your cheeks hurt at trying not to blush. This isn't the only drama he's up to though, even his normal speaking often ends up with your mind drowning in feelings. He won't bother giving you soft kisses on hand and forehead when you don't expect it. He likes surprising you, even if it's in a romantic way.

And...the real Rook, is only out when you're asleep. Sitting on a chair just a few inches away from your bed, a pair of eyes carefully follow the pace of your chest as it rises and falls. He's never tired, a huntsman gets no sleep as long as his prey's close by. Wow, if sweetness is all he needed to approach you, then he should give it a try more often~

Epel Felmier

His first reaction to hearing of you being sick is summarised in :Gasping, Blushing, Questioning, Sad puppy eyes. "It's just a simple fever...right? (Y/n) will soon be better..." , Epel confronts himself. He isn't getting overly emotional, but when it comes to you, he does have a sensitive spot.

At first, it is his anxiety over your health that makes him want to come over to your house to check up on you everyday but , it soon ends up being more serious. What if this is an opportunity to prove his reliability? You'd finally get to see how much of a strong and helpful man he can be. Even as he looks soft.

While Epel's trying his hardesr to seem a tough as possible, you can't help but to adore his cuteness as he is doing his best while you're sick. He bakes you the best of apple pies you've ever had and you have to admit; being sick can't hold you back from enjoying the sweet taste of fresh, caramelized baked apples melting in your mouth.

Growing up to be a country boy, he never really relied on chemicals as a useful cure to any illnesses. He's more into organic ways of helping human body into regaining its lost energy, which can be put as : 1) Healthy food 2) Enough of sleep and rest 3) Lifted up spirits and enough of humor. He'd be really protective over the last option, he wants to make sure that your self-esteem and spirits would be way better than ever

He has to keep the distance, but some small cuddles would not hurt, right? Perhaps some small forehead kisses before bedtime too. He's still pretty uncomfortable with kisses but, since you're sick...that can be counted as an exception.

Idia Shroud

He's been away from humanity for too long; long enough to almost forget that humans get sick. Robots sometimes have their codings crashed or their gears damaged, that's when they'll need an engineer to repair them . How did the cure system work with humans?? He can't really remember. Due to spending time with almost nobody except Ortho (who happens to be a robot) and hardly ever leaving his room and as the result, barely getting sick, Idia is pretty new to human body's metabolism; he isn't sure of what he might be able to do for you. But, humans have something called...immune system, right? Ah something that heals body on its own. Well maybe relying on that would be enough.

He decides to give you some far distance support instead of comimg all way down to your dorm . He can't be any more happier of technology's existence for such cases. Your immune system can heal you on its own, all he've got to do is to send some motivation your way. The summary of most of his extremely motivational texts would be : "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger! Keep it up (y/n)!!👊✨💥" and when you reply telling him how terrible you're feeling he'd just try to look for strongers sentences-

He repeatedly mistakes humans and robots and accidently texts you:" why don't you get someone to repair you?" several times. Then goes to bang his head against the wall realizing how dumb he's acting.

When you get worse he gives up. Maybe those sentences wasn't enough of motivation . Idia really does want to come visit you in person but he seems to be bound to his area. Well at least, Ortho isn't, right? He comes up with a way better idea to program Ortho to take care of you while Idia can't do it himself. He copied hundreds of anatomy, human biology and medicine to Ortho's data list. Well that seems to be enough. He can now cook, wash clothes, brings you your medicines and most importantly, remain by your side all the time as you may need help. Idia puts s small camera on Ortho so he'd be able to watch what's going on as long as you need Ortho's his help. He feels quite guilty for not showing up on his own but- maybe it's just better this way. Coming in person would do no good but him freaking out at not knowing what to do which would end up in making you feel worse. Long distance watch as he controls Ortho around is way better, even if he has to keep his eyes on tablet 24/7. He cuts back on his sleeping to make sure that nothing would go wrong. Even long distance watch seems to be stressful at this point...

He does care about you, a lot, but right now, he's no prepared to show physical affection. Let him show his love through his very own ways, he's just taking baby steps with you <3

Malleus Draconia

"Now now little one, don't give in so easealy. I know you're stronger than this..." Malleus motivates you. You certainly aren't going to die just because of a simple fever but still, wow. Humans -are- truly weak and fragile. He shouldn't really be caring for a mortal being especially if it's a human, but you are an 'exception'; you always are.

He could just leave you to Lilia and Sebek and you would've been under their watch and care 24/7, but he prefers to do this on his own since you are his favorite creature. He doesn't mind seeing how you'd overcome the pain even if it's with a simple cold. He wants to get more of you and your expressions.

He doesn't really have much to do, magic can do it all. All it takes to turn your depressing room into a prince/princess's dreamy bedroom is a twist of a finger. Go on and tell him what you want , you shall have in within a second. "All the best for you, child of man~"

While his significant magic skills are all truly stunning and helpful, his presence on his own seems to be the best part of him nursing you. He is your tsunotarou, afterall~ Not the descendant of Mistress of all Evil but only when it comes to you.

Sometimes he'd make you wish you'd stay in bed forever and ever, all to have him here, by your side. Just to have his soft, slender fingers brushing against your cheek and playing with the tip of your hair.

He does talk, but most of the time being is spent in silence since he doesn't want to bother you if it's hard for you to talk. He may pretend to be busy with something else but it's just to take your mind over the fact that he's watching you all the time. His small gestures are just as sensual as his words. Kisses on forehead, locking his dragon eyes with you , brushing your soft hair with hand as you lay on his shoulder (not that he cares about keeping the distance although you're sick. Your human illnesses are way too weak to do any harm to him, anyway~ )

His favorite time of the day is when you're asleep. You're adorable and lovely all time but, your sleeping pose, it's unimaginably beautiful to him. Watching your calm face empty of any emotion followed by the calm, yet, organized pace in your breathing as your chest falls and rises. He barely gets any sleep during the night, he doesn't need it. Watching you is way more pleasing: "Sweet dreams, my precious little human~"

Lilia Vanrouge

The most experienced, dedicated nurse here. He's been raising many of baby faes and struggling with a young, fireball shooter baby Malleus over the years. Nursing a fragile ill human like you is no more than a warm-up for him.

Chill on your bed and let him take care of everything, from the warm towels to fluffy blankets and pillows. Smooth music playing in your room as you take short naps, plushies and teddy bears around your bed giving you feelings of a newborn baby sleeping in a warm and fancy bed.

That's not all, along with his professional nursing skills, having Lilia himself around would take it all to a whole new level. He is so full of contrasts; Young and old, quite and wild, wise and careless, serious and silly and probably hundreds of other adjectives you can name.

Where else would you find a nurse who'd play you your favorite rock tracks on his guitar in the afternoon while at night, brings you cookies and hot milk to have while listening to his old but -gold- stories before going to sleep?

Lilia has got it all, old, new, calm, wild, and perhaps that's how it's never boring when he's the one you are spending time with. 'Sickness with benefits' to call. But, don't forget his horrible cooking skills.

Better hide some canned food under your pillow to save yourself from starvation when he's not around, refuse to eat his food st any cost (otherwise you'll need another 2 week hospitalized because of food poisoning-)

Make sure to thank your adorable bat nurse when you're back to full health; even if your stomach's still in pain because of his nasty cooking.

Silver

It's...his first time taking care pf someone. He is neither experienced nor educated when it comes to human health... especially because of how he's been living with fairies (who barely get sick) all over his life. The only reliable source for him would be his own memories; how Lilia used to take care fo him when he was a child. There isn't much he can remember but that'd do

Nursing doesn't seem to be that hard when he actually gives it a try - Mostly about you sleeping all day. Wow if sleeping this much is considered to be a symptom of being sick, then Silver himself has to be sick as hell 24/7. He isn't really sure if that's concerning or not

He is doing good since he seems go be pretty responsible and calm toward the whole thing, but don't expect him to be on time.

Silver wants to make sure that you'll take your medicines on time but he often fails to. He oversleeps most of the time and when he's up, he'd panic knowing that you missed your hourly medicine again.

He'd lowkey feel frustrated and useless when he misses stuff because of his sleeping issues, especially when it comes to you. He have to go for a stronger method so, he ends up in using 7 different clocks and alarms to make sure that he won't miss anything anymore; you're sick. He has to do all his best to take care of you. Nobody matters more than you do. Alarm clocks he uses are freaking loud and give him a heart attack whenever he uses them to wake up. Poor guy would need a long sleep when you're better.

He often falls asleep next to your bed after making sure that you are having a peaceful night sleep. He places a goodnight kiss on your forehead lays his head at the bottom of your bed. Who knows, maybe he would dream of you tonight, again.

Sebek Zigvolt

There's no way that you'd ever come close to master Malleus but- he still cares for you, a lot. Perhaps as much as he cares for Malleus although he refuses to confess to it. He is trained and skilled for all possible emergencies so he's all prepared to take the best possible care of you and make sure that you'll return to full health in no time.

He just knows what he is doing and makes sure that things would run smoothly. He is keeping each and every aspect in consideration and can organize everything like no one else can. From your sleeping schedule to light exercises required as you're sick. He insists on you starting to develop a better life style so that you won't end up in bed and lose time like this.

It's nice to have someone keeping the balance of your life when you need it, but when it's Sebek we're talking about, know that he might go a bit -too far- with it. He'd be overly protective and strict while you need a considerable deal of sympathy and softness too since you're sick - He collects notes of everything that was teached while you were sick and brings them to you to study, telling you that it'd be impossible to keep up with the rest of the lessons unless you study them right now, in your bed. And when you complain of it being hard to read and sit due to how weak your body is, he returns with the solution: Audio books (He isn't giving up... deal with it )

Studying isn't your only issue: he's being protective over each and every muscle you move. He'd wake you up early in the morning for a light, morning work out and doesn't let you out of the bed for the rest of the day. Whenever you complain, that's what his answer would be: " Master Lilia has blessed me with these , gloriously impressive lessons he's learned through experiences within his long- lasting life!! I believe in his words from the bottom and there's surely no cure greater than this if he says so" poor boy isn't considering he possibility of Lilia tricking him again at all.

This puppy means good, even if he fails to show it as great as you might be expecting him to. In fact he is just following all that he's told to, meanwhile he's pretty inexperienced and new to it. You may find it a bit unfair but, consider that he would've never gone out of his way to take care of you for plenty of hours everyday if it wasn't for you (Or Malleus-) seeing you sad on its own gives him wet puppy vibes let alone having you sick . He may act like a coward but, it's all because of how much you mean to him.

#Twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #malleus draconia #riddle rosehearts #Azul Ashengrotto #jade leech #Floyd Leech #leona kingscholar #kalim al asim #Jamil Viper #vil schoenheit #epel felmier #rook Hunt #idia shroud #Lilia Vanrouge #sebek zigvolt #deuce spade #ace trappola #cater diamond #trey clover #jack howl #ruggie bucchi #Twst imagines #disney twisted wonderland

[suratan-zir]

Just some of my unrequested thoughts in bad English about doing business with Russia. Long post.

I know that over time, Ukraine will be perceived by many people from other countries as an inconvenience. Even now, with half-assed sanctions imposed on Russia, gas and oil prices are rising. If a full embargo is imposed, prices will skyrocket. And it's easy to be "for all good and against all evil" when it doesn't require you to actually pay a real price for it. If you are one of those amazing people who is willing to pay that price no matter what, I am eternally grateful to you. However, I know there will be many people who aren't ready. And the longer it goes, the more people will be angry with this whole situation.

I know what it's like to be poor, to count every penny. Both me and my husband came from poor families, and only the last couple of years we have a decent income. At some point, we were so out of money that instead of sugar in our tea, we had to use old hard candies "Барбарис" found in the depths of the kitchen cabinet. Because we couldn't afford to buy sugar. We sometimes laugh about it now.

Only when you know the true value of money in a human's life can you really understand that there are still other things that are worth much more. But it is still your choice - to support cutting off all trade with Russia, or to put your own and your family's well-being above the lives of some foreigners from Eastern Europe. Either way, I don't blame you.

I blame European and American leaders almost as much as I blame Russia. Not even because they still didn't close the sky or given us fighter jets. Year after year, they turned a blind eye to the crimes committed by Russia, by Putin's regime. Chechnya, Moldova, Georgia… Nothing was done. It was too convenient to trade with Russia. After all, the troops of modern Russia didn't shell Berlin or London. Russian oligarchs invested billions and billions of dollars in the UN ans US economy, despite powerful anti-Western propaganda in Russia itself. So now it's funny to watch how they arrest those yachts and bank accounts of Putin's henchmen as if they just now found out about it all.

Putin realized that he remains unpunished for his crimes. Then he annexed Crimea and turned part of eastern Ukraine in a warzone with some lame excuses about infringement of the Russian-speaking population. Nobody in their right mind bought it, yet Russia still remained unpunished. Thousand of lives taken and hundreds of thousand of people who lost their home and everything they had. People had to flee from their homeland, leaving behind all their belongings. Others couldn't flee and were forced to live under Russian occupation, in a war zone, without any human rights.

Yet for the world this wasn't enough to cut ties with Russia. Putin punished Ukraine for our pro-Western, pro-European choice, for our desire for freedom and independense. Europe and US were "deeply concerned." Some useless sanctions were introduced, but Putin clearly won more that he lost.

His men happily continued committing war crimes in Syria and Ukraine, his propaganda continued dehumanizing certain population groups. Ukrainians = khokhols worthy of elimination or at least training on how to be a proper russian. LGBTQ = sick people who have to be ashamed of their very existence, officially illegal, in some Russian regions (like Chechnya) they are kidnapped, tortured and killed on a regular basis.

The opposition and the free press completely wiped out. And I'm not talking about Navalny now. Anna Politkovskaya and Boris Nemtsov are the most famous examples, but there are many more.

The West kept fueling his killing and propaganda machine with cash. Putin's war games and ass-licking "journalists" cost HUGE money. The money he makes by selling Russian natural resources to the west. And the west gladly buys it. Why bother actively switching to renewable energy sources, why spend so much money on it when you can just buy everything from the fascist Russian regime without any problems? Besides, Russia is a pretty good export market. Why not export weapons to a country that is actively invading other sovereign states? Sounds like a damn good deal!

The world hand-fed this monster that is Russia we see today. Not their mentality, of course, it has been that way for centuries. But they couldn't afford to act on it if they didn't have the money for that. Everything could have been different not only for Ukraine, but also for Russia. If only Russians were forced to face the consequences of their imperialist actions back in the USSR days, maybe now they would live a happy rich life on their own land without stealing it from others.

I don't know what to conclude here. I don't know why the world needs to see the deepest depths of horror inflicted on my people in order to do something. Humanity really fucked up.

#long post #russian imperialism #ukraine #fuck putin #russian fascism