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palms-upturned · 1 year

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I’m not gonna jump in ppl’s notes over this bc lord knows I do not want to have a debate about it but seeing someone say “I have qualms about people calling Jean ableist for trying to fire Harry and in the same breath saying Harry is unfit for cop work” is really getting to me. I am practically on my knees begging people to actually engage with what disco elysium has to say about disability and addiction and ableism and policing and social murder because it’s not even subtextual, it’s as blatant and hand holding as it could possibly be. The 41st is an awful environment for Harry not bc him being disabled makes him incapable of doing his job, it’s bc the job is fucking hostile to his existence. Like, no one is “fit” to be a cop because they shouldn’t exist, firstly, and even Harry himself will say as much in the Ruby bad ending. But talking about Harry’s case specifically, we know that this job is part of what landed him where he is to begin with.

From the start of day 2:

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — You mean why are you so tired? Too tired and *down* to even think? It *is* worrying, isn't it. You can't be a detective like this -- detectives need to be able to think.

YOU — Why is this happening?

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — It's just that your heart has finally pumped all the *speed* out of your system, buster. Time to get some more.

YOU — Wait. What *is*... speed?

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — Speed is a potent central nervous system stimulant. It kept you propped up all day yesterday despite your debilitating hangover. How else did you think you even got up from this floor?

VOLITION — You got up from this floor because of a holy vow you made sixteen years ago. With *me*. To wake up exactly 07:30 every morning until the day you die.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — Don't be silly. There was no vow. You were high on speed. That was the only reason you got up. You can't *detect* without it, it's that simple.

YOU — No. I can take this. I am not going to go looking for speed.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — Are you sure? Ready to live as this pathetic shell of yourself for days? Basically a week? Let's be honest -- two weeks, maybe three? You won't make it. Half the town will be dead by then. You will be fired.

YOU — That's a lie. I can do this without the speed. Half the town won't be dead... (Opt out.)

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — Suit yourself, slow, sad shell-man. See how you do without your spark.

And from this talk with Kim in Klaasje’s room:

KIM KITSURAGI — "Amphetamine -- does it make you a better detective?"

SUGGESTION — Be honest. He's not grilling you, he just wants to know. Ask if he's ever wanted to take it too.

YOU — "Honestly, it makes me the detective I am. Have you thought of taking it too?"

KIM KITSURAGI — "Maybe I should?" He lets out a little pensive hum, rubbing his shoulder...

DRAMA — It's not insincere. He's actually giving it thought.

KIM KITSURAGI — "Doesn't the... pupils and the gurning jaw, the sweating... doesn't it become tiring after a while?"

YOU — "I understand it's unbecoming but if I don't perform this job well I am nothing. It's the price I pay."

Harry knows that the cost of getting sober would be that the precinct would let him go. They’re not going to have the patience to deal with him slowing down from the combo of withdrawal and no speed to “keep him propped up.” Not when the reason that he’s stayed on the force this long and risen in the ranks is most likely because he manages such a massive caseload, as we find out from Kim:

YOU — "Is two cases a week a good case load, lieutenant?"

KIM KITSURAGI — "Huh?" He raises his nose from his notes. "Two *complex* cases to undertake is a lot, yes. You *really* have to push yourself. I would not suggest it. Lest you start making mistakes."

YOU — "Two cases a week appears to have been my load, lieutenant. I'm not sure I completed them though."

KIM KITSURAGI — "Two?" He raises both eyebrows. "That's a lot. I didn't mean to say you're making mistakes, by the way. That was presumptuous of me."

And later:

KIM KITSURAGI — "This next row -- the one that wraps all the way around -- is your number of closed cases. *Closed* is good. It means finished. You've got, let's see..."

KIM KITSURAGI — "Wow, more than 200!"

YOU — "Is that a lot?"

KIM KITSURAGI — "It's *quite* a lot, even for someone who's been on the force for nearly two decades. Usually clearing more than 10 cases a year puts you in the 90th percentile of *all* RCM officers..."

Despite the trouble Harry makes, he’s considered an asset so long as he closes cases. To the point where he wasn’t punished for drunkenly beating Burke unconscious and then injuring his knee so badly that he can’t walk anymore just because this allowed them to close the “unsolvable case” of Leslie and Burke. 41 and the RCM as an institution don’t care about Harry’s or anyone else’s wellbeing, they care about whether the pros of having him around outweigh the cons.

From the lazareth call with Gottlieb:

YOU — "Isn't there *anything* you can do for me?"

NIX GOTTLIEB — "What, you want me to do blood work for you again, tell you just how bad things really are *across the board*? You want another rundown of everything collapsing inside your body?"

YOU — "Yes. I want the truth!"

NIX GOTTLIEB — "You want the real, honest-to-god truth? Stop drinking, eat magnesium and vitamin D. Our station is not a retirement home. We don't have the funds to deal with *rock stars* past their prime."

RHETORIC — So it's political! You're being *neglected* because of political reasons...

NIX GOTTLIEB — "And no, I *don't* want to hear a *political commentary* on the topic. In fact -- I've got work to do."

If I were to quote every time Gottlieb was notably uncaring or said something blasé about how you probably didn’t have long to live, I’d have to quote pretty much every word of that dialogue. That’s the whole joke with Gottlieb. That’s just how it is dealing with doctors when you’re in Harry’s position.

From talking to Kim about Uuno:

KIM KITSURAGI — "We could take him to Remedie or Saint Batiste, but he doesn't have money for medical services. The Almshouse would turn him down..."

KIM KITSURAGI — "They don't do charity for people who're trying to kill themselves. Besides, he'll be dead in a few..." The lieutenant stops, listening to him.

RHETORIC — ... years? Months? Weeks?

“They don’t do charity work for people who’re trying to kill themselves” really sums up the absurdity of Harry’s situation and institutional responses to it. Harry isn’t seen as the kind of person in crisis who deserves intervention. He’s treated as a lost cause who deserves to suffer the consequences of his self harm, even though the unending crisis and the lack of response to it is what drives him to harm himself and hope that he “gets worse.” If he weren’t a cop, it’s unlikely that Kim would care about him any more than he cares about Uuno and Cuno’s situation. Harry’s job is killing him, but it’s also the only thing that gives him access to anything resembling a community or support network (at least at the start of the game). Again, that’s just the way it goes when you’re disabled.

From the second tribunal:

TRANT HEIDELSTAM — "Well -- here is my theory: What if this is an absolutely normal reaction to the world we're living in? What if this is *not* a significant anomaly at all, something to be explained, approached as a defect? Look at the sensory input here..." He gestures toward the scenery.

TRANT HEIDELSTAM — "Look at the ruins, the neon, listen to the radio, the multitudes. The people. Live here for forty years... As a police detective, he's like a magnetic reader on the world-tape -- to borrow a known metaphor. Harry's been pushed *flat against it*. Total input."

TRANT HEIDELSTAM — "Hard-wired to the free market..." He nods confidently. "He just needed for it to end."

JEAN VICQUEMARE — "Okay, Trant, thank you. That's... absolutely meaningless. I'm glad we brought you. Will he or will he not be able to work in the Major Crimes Unit? Is he a cretin now? I want to know *that*."

TRANT HEIDELSTAM — "He is *not* a cretin. And he *is* able to do work -- if not in his previous leadership role, then as a line detective."

YOU — "Line detective is good for now."

JEAN VICQUEMARE — "For *now*?" He looks at you, then at Trant. "I misphrased my question. It should have been: Is he able to put his clothes on, and use the potty, or do we need to get him on a disability pension?"

Or, alternatively:

YOU — "He's wrong. I'm too far gone for work."

JEAN VICQUEMARE — "Agreed, Harry." He nods. "Just don't expect us to get you a disability pension. Cops who actually gave a shit are waiting in line. You're not gonna hog their seat."

Trant, who, notably, is technically a civilian consultant rather than a cop, (edit: and maybe even more notably, as someone pointed out in the tags, has had experience with addiction, too) suggests to Jean that Harry’s breakdown is a basically inevitable result of his circumstances and the systems that created them, and Jean’s response is that he doesn’t care and all that he wants to know is whether or not Harry can work or if he’s going to be “hogging” resources from other people who are more deserving of help because they “actually gave a shit.” He’s a mouthpiece here for the institutions that he represents and his ableism is blatant and heinous to drive the point home. He denies that Harry’s case is as serious as it is and accuses Harry of faking it, despite the fact that it’s happened (at least) twice before, and very recently:

JEAN VICQUEMARE — "I believe you *drank*. People do that -- you especially. What they don't do is forget their *whole life* because of drinking."

JUDIT MINOT — "But, Detective Vicquemare," she interjects. "He *has* blanked out before."

YOU — "I have?"

JUDIT MINOT — "Yes, a couple of times. After some of the more... serious benders." She pauses, remembering. "One was after the Two Drunks case, the other when we looked into that mural."

REACTION SPEED — The two cases... in your ledger. The Unsolvable Case and the Next World Mural. Those were recent.

And despite the fact that even Gottlieb doesn’t seem shocked about it:

YOU — "I've lost my memory. All of it."

NIX GOTTLIEB — "With all the damage you've been dealing yourself with drugs and alcohol, I'm not surprised."

AUTHORITY — There is no surprise in his voice. Only careless superiority.

DRAMA — It's hard to say if he doesn't believe you -- or doesn't care.

(Considering that Gottlieb’s PSY stat is so high (he’s even eating one of the PSY boosting candies during the call), along with his uncaring responses to all your other problems, it’s more likely the latter.)

Jean also won’t believe that you’re sober even if you haven’t touched so much as a cigarette for your entire playthrough, and even when Judit points out that he’s wrong, he’ll double down and say that it doesn’t matter because you’re going to relapse:

JEAN VICQUEMARE — "Even the insect -- I don't care. But you're an *alcoholic*. And you've been drinking -- again. I won't let my life unravel because of this."

JUDIT MINOT — "Jean -- I think he hasn't. I can see it on his face..."

ENDURANCE — The bloating *has* gone down since you woke up that morning...

JEAN VICQUEMARE — "Okay, so he's stayed clear for what? A week?" He sighs.

TRANT HEIDELSTAM — "It's tough. One of the toughest addictions to overcome. Comparable *only* to heavy synthetic opiates. Even morphine is easier to kick than alcohol -- statistically. The odds are against him. Especially at his age."

JEAN VICQUEMARE — He nods. "He's too old. He's been like this for too long. I've seen him try many times. It's a farce by now."

SUGGESTION — They're leaving. They're all turning away from you.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — No. You can figure it out. *Replace* it! Replace the alcohol with amphetamine. Or GBL! Fuck it -- morphine! Graffito removal agent! Anything. It'll buy you time. All you need is time.

Electrochemistry brings up yet another facet of Harry’s struggles with substances, which is the idea that some of them may be replacements for alcohol. He doesn’t have time or space to try to quit in any way that is remotely healthy. What he has are substances like speed that keep him from collapsing from the strain of it all so that he can keep showing up to work, and other substances that might (he hopes) help him wean himself off the alcohol.

The game explores all of these different factors of Harry’s struggles with addiction and the circumstances that keep him trapped in them exhaustively (and the fact that Robert Kurvitz apparently was recovering from alcoholism during the development probably contributed a lot to that). The structure and culture of the RCM are hugely responsible for Harry’s situation. He’s mocked and berated for being an alcoholic and told repeatedly to get his shit together without actually providing him with the means to do that. Instead, he’s not only enabled but practically forced to keep using just so that he can show up to work at all and not risk losing the only support network he has (even if it’s the shittiest and most unhelpful network imaginable). As Luiga (iirc) said, Harry’s biggest tragedy is that he’s incapable of quitting the force. Many of the reasons for that are genuinely just due to Harry being a class traitor and an asshole, but it’s also true that even if he did want to quit, there is no safety net to catch him.

And then Harry comes to Martinaise, a town that has been “orphaned” by the RCM and neglected by Revachol at large, left mostly to their own devices. It’s not like policing doesn’t still exist in Martinaise, and things are pretty dire for everyone in the community, but at the very least you can see that it is a community. Isobel houses you for free. In Kim’s absence (and after Gottlieb stitches and ditches you), Cuno and Garte take care of you when you’re shot. Acele responds to your breakdown on the ice by saying it’s okay to cry and that you can talk with her about it when you’re ready. Idiot Doom Spiral and co run to your aid when they see you drive your car into the sea and invite you to come drink with them just to stop you from doing it again. Harry discovers that life, while very painful and bleak at times, isn’t necessarily hopeless for the marginalized. You can still find solidarity and support outside of the system.

Meanwhile, if Harry in the end has no one to vouch for him and hasn’t stayed sober, that system will abandon him, a well-known suicide risk with at least one bullet hole in him and severe amnesia, with the promise of nothing but getting served a station call slip. The point is not whether or not Harry “deserves” to be forgiven or even whether he’s a danger to himself and others (to be clear, he is). The point is that this is a system that doesn’t care whether Harry and people like him live or die. That is why, even in a “good” ending where Harry is welcomed back to the 41st, the work won’t be sustainable. It’s going to kill him because that’s what it’s designed to do. The miracle of Martinaise was the realization that he doesn’t have to die. There are people who will help to keep him on this earth. They’re just not members of the fucking RCM.

It’s not a “gotcha” to say that if Jean (and the RCM, and the institutions of Revachol on the whole) is ableist for wanting Harry fired, then saying that cop work is unsustainable for Harry is also ableist. I won’t even say what I personally think of that logic because I’m trying to keep the tone of this post polite. Jean’s dialogue during the tribunal is meant to parrot every bit of ableist rhetoric that the system is built on and that keeps Harry trapped in this hellish feedback loop. He’s a mouthpiece for the general culture of the RCM, just like Gottlieb is a mouthpiece for the shit that addicts and the disabled have to deal with from the medical system. He thinks Harry should be fired because he’s a drunk and therefor a lost cause. The truth is that Harry needs to quit this job because it shouldn’t exist and because it is actively killing him.

In one of Martin Luiga’s articles about the process of creating the game, he brings up the concept of social murder, which is a term coined by Engels:

When one individual inflicts bodily injury upon another such that death results, we call the deed manslaughter; when the assailant knew in advance that the injury would be fatal, we call his deed murder. But when society places hundreds of proletarians in such a position that they inevitably meet a too early and an unnatural death, one which is quite as much a death by violence as that by the sword or bullet; when it deprives thousands of the necessaries of life, places them under conditions in which they cannot live – forces them, through the strong arm of the law, to remain in such conditions until that death ensues which is the inevitable consequence – knows that these thousands of victims must perish, and yet permits these conditions to remain, its deed is murder just as surely as the deed of the single individual; disguised, malicious murder, murder against which none can defend himself, which does not seem what it is, because no man sees the murderer, because the death of the victim seems a natural one, since the offence is more one of omission than of commission. But murder it remains.

None of this is subtext. And all of it is intended to make players actually spare a thought for what it’s like for people in Harry’s situation in real life. For God’s sake, please engage with it. You have to try and understand what it means to be trapped in a life that is made unlivable and to know that your death will be ungrievable. That’s what this whole game is about.

Edit: I’ve seen some ppl say in the tags something like “yeah, I like to imagine a happy ending for Harry, but…” and listen. I am laying a very gentle hand on your shoulders. The point of this post was never to say that there’s no happy ending for Harry. The point is that the first step toward that ending is conceptualizing a life outside of the RCM. In Martinaise, he got a glimpse of what that might look like. Hell, in the bad ending, you can even say to Jean, “fine then. I’ll just live here.” There’s hope for him and for us. I promise.

#meg talks #disco elysium #i have been seething over this all day. sorry.#i’ll be nice and won’t tag any characters mentioned here

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flynnriderishot · 2 months

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PLEASE write a pt. 2 to the fic abt reader being a bet and finding out, while Chris acc fell for them

because of a lie pt.2 - c.s

a/n: i want to point out that any words that are italicized, at the end of the word or full word, is reader or chris’ voice breaking/cracking as they are on the verge of tears !

you laid on your bed, eyes focusing the ceiling as you ignored the constant vibrating that came from your phone.

you knew it was chris’ brothers trying to reach out to you. it couldn’t have been the man himself, you blocked him on everything after you rewatched the video at least ten more times.

yes, you were sad. you wanted to know his reasoning behind using you to get three hundred dollars that would no doubt be gone within a week. but you refused to see him, or even hear his voice after he broke your heart.

to you, it made no sense.

was he that incapable of truly liking someone that he needed money to even get through the talking stage?

did his talks about how he felt like no one aside from you understood him mean nothing?

you wanted to believe it was bullshit, but it made sense. you saw the way he couldn’t properly commit to people, he even admitted it himself.

what were the odds he actually liked you? very low apparently.

you were snapped out of your thoughts by a knock on your door.

letting out a groan, you pushed yourself up slowly.

you hoped whoever was at your door had enough patience as you were definitely taking your time to get there, though once you did, you wished you hadn’t.

you instantly tried closing the door upon seeing who was standing there.

“woah, hang on, please.”

“go away!” you demanded, tears filling your vision as you put your shoulder against the wood in hopes of pushing him out the apartment.

“baby, please—“

“don’t call me that!” despite the yelling and the urgent need to get him out of your sight, you were growing tired and knew your strength was no match with his, so you let go. “don’t you dare walk in here. i don’t even want to see you.”

he huffed, being respectful of your wishes and not walking inside, “just let me explain myself. please.”

the cracking in his voice gave away his desperation to talk to you.

but you weren’t having it.

“i was a bet.”

“yn—“

“a bet, chris. three hundred dollars to make me fall in love with you. what is there to explain?!”

he could only sigh. there truly was no arguing.

you weren’t wrong.

that’s how it started as- a bet. but chris loves you, he truly does. so seeing you break down, because of him nonetheless, crushed his heart into a million peaces.

“you know what? go ahead. go ahead and explain to me what the hell possessed you into taking on this stupid ass bet that you knew would end with me being heart broken.”

“it was an accident- it was a mistake. i wasn’t thinking, i was being stupid—“

“clearly.” you scoffed, eyeing the way his feet struggled to keep himself at a distance.

“i’m sorry.” he took a small stepped forward, “i’m so sorry. i didn’t think the video would get out—“

“what?!”

“not in that way. just- yeah, it was a bet. it started off as a bet and i’m so sorry for going along with it, but i was dumb and i wanted to look cool around my friends so i agreed to it, okay? i’m sorry.”

you were filled with tears as you listened to him speak. you didn’t want to give him the chance to possibly get back in your head after breaking your heart not even five minutes ago but you want to know why.

“i don’t regret it.”

if your face could fall any more, it’d be on the ground, “excuse me.”

“no, no! not like that. i mean- yes, i regret it but i don’t because if i hadn’t been an idiot then i wouldn’t have realized how in love with you i am.”

the silence was deafening.

so quiet that you could hear matt’s car engine running across the street.

no matter how many times you’d both showed it, chris could never find it in himself to admit that he loved you.

he practically refused to do it. not because he didn’t, but because he was scared.

and here he was, pouring his heart out onto your doorstep in hopes that you would forgive him for his careless actions.

he stepped into the small home, his soft hands reaching to grab onto your forearms,

“please. i know i don’t deserve it, but i love you. i love you so much it hurts. i will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. just give a chance. please.”

you were an idiot.

you knew you were an idiot. you were a firm believer in once a cheater, always a cheater. now, did chris cheat? no, but he didn’t make you look like an absolutely fool.

a fool that fell in love.

and as a sigh left your lips, you knew that you would end up forgiving him.

and no matter how long it took, chris would be there working his ass off to prove himself.

taglist: @hearts4chris @timmyandsturniolo @mayhem-72 @luvsturns @knowingnothingnoel @mrsmattyb @itzdarling @julliaaaaaaaaaaaaa @dracoflaco @heartsforchrisandmatt @lily-strnlo @alliehansson

tags for this fic: @st4rswrld @tubl-mc @lily-strnlo

#sturniolo triplets #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo

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firsttimewriter92 · 1 year

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Schilling for your thoughts Part 1

König x f!reader

Summary: You meet a peculiar man at your favourite bookstore and after talking to him a little bit, you wonder if you´ll ever see him again

Part 2 here Part 3 here

Word count: 2.538

Warnings: bit awkward, lots of fluff, German speaking, light cursing, pining König, military talk

Authors note: Yes, I am one of those who believe that König is a ginger, freckled, mighty sweetheart. (I was trying to find this amazing fanart I saw of him that basically started this fic, but I can´t find it again!! I´m sad; It´s so good) Only slightly awkward but he knows how to let someone know he´s interessted. He´ll only unleash the beast on the battlefield, that´s it. I will die on this hill!! Social anxiety, yes. But he´s not completely incapable of interacting with a person<3

Happily you skipped through the door of your favourite little bookstore. Bell chiming over your head, you saw the owners head appear from underneath the counter, instantly smiling at you.

“I just put them on the shelve,” she winked at you. “Shelve 12, row 10.” Rushing by her you squealed a thank you in her direction and hurried into the back of the store. You had been waiting for this book for ages. When you found out your favourite author was releasing a new book after almost 6 years of abstinence, you immediately let Lucy the owner know. This morning she called you excitedly, telling you the book finally arrived.

You made your way over to the back of the store. It was packed with ceiling high shelves, little tables and armchairs scattered across the room, most of them in front of the three large windows. You loved spending your time in this controlled area of chaotic furniture choices, colours and smells of coffee, old and new books and slightly dusty air.

Usually you favoured this establishment not just because of the atmosphere and Lucy´s motherly warm nature but also because most of the time, it was pleasantly empty and quiet. Quiet it was this time as well but you couldn´t help but notice the man sitting in one of the armchairs in front of the windows. A huge volume in his hands, his face almost buried in it. Something about the way he was sitting seemed odd to you. Not being able to put your finger on what it was exactly you shrugged mentally and made a beeline towards shelve 12.

Grumbling a little you remembered the row number Lucy gave you. 10. Great, you thought. You didn´t have to hide them that well so I could be the first one to get a copy, Lucy. Craning your neck you looked for the bright red and silver book back you knew your newest little treasure would have. There! You grinned and hopped a little as you whipped your head around the room, looking for the step ladder you knew Lucy kept here somewhere. Not being able to find it immediately your impatience took over. With a little grunt you began pushing one of the armchairs towards the shelve. “Damn it, Lucy. Why do you have such an obsession with antient furniture?” You cursed quietly under your breath. “So heavy!”

“You need help with that, Miss?” A quiet voice asked behind you. You whipped around and saw that the man you noticed before had lowered the picture book and was looking at you curiously and maybe a little amused. You weren´t that short but it was undeniable that you wouldn’t be able to reach your object of desire unless you managed to move the heavy chair. Grinning a bit flustered you stopped pushing the piece of furniture and sheepishly you answered. “If you wouldn´t mind. This chair is really heavy. I don´t know where Lucy put the ladder and without it, these books up there are out of reach.”

The man’s eyes twinkled for a second as his gaze fluttered upwards towards the last row. “Not necessarily” he said with a friendly, tight lipped smile. The next moment you found out why you thought his sitting looked so odd in the plush chair. He bent his knees to get up and they definitely rose above the angle of his hips. You tried not to stare, really, you did, as the man rose, rose and rose higher and higher until a massive body unfolded from the chair, standing, stretching for a second and then slumping in on itself almost comically. His shoulders hunched and head slightly bent downwards he made his way over to you, observing your reaction with a careful glance. You understood why immediately. 6´10. That was your best guess. With a warm feeling in your belly you noticed that he was trying to make himself smaller.

Don’t comment on his height, don’t comment on his height, you thought and tried to school your features. He´s probably heard it all! He seemed to appreciate your silence and little smile.

As he stood next to you, you noticed that your head didn´t even reach shoulder. He was looking at the books at the highest point and you got the chance to observe him a little closer. His hair was a fascinating colour. A rich auburn glow leaning heavily towards red. He had tied it into a low bun at the base of his neck. Little whisps of it escaping and curling against his temple and forehead. Fascinated you saw that his eyebrows and even his long lashes were the same shade. They framed slightly droopy eyes the colour of…Blue? Green? You couldn’t really tell from your angle. His nose was long and slightly curved, accentuating a full upper lip and a strong, stubbled jaw. He had an almost regal look to him. That was if he didn’t stand there slouching.

You hadn’t realized while appreciating his features that he had slightly turned his face towards you. Smiling shily he quirked an eyebrow, seemingly waiting for one of the comments he was definitely used to. When he realized you weren´t going to comment his smile stretched into a boyish grin you just had to reciprocate. Doing that you quickly noticed two more things about him. His canines stood out sharper than you had ever seen on a person, giving him a bit of a wolfish look that for some reason made you heart stutter in your chest. The other thing was a faint white scar reaching from his plump upper lip up to his nostril. You recognised the scar of an early on fixed cleft lip and knew that they tended to pull the lip slightly upward on one side. In his case though, especially when he grinned like that it wasn’t that noticeable. It gave him character.

He cleared his throat a bit awkwardly and snapped you out of your little stupor. Catching his eyes you saw how an adorable dust of pink covered his cheeks and the tips of his ears, making the scattering of freckles around his nose even more enticing. Stop. Staring. At. Him.

He nodded his head towards the books and reached out one of his surprisingly bulgy arms. A long finger tapped the back of a black and grey one. Looking down at you questioningly and not saying a word he quirked an eyebrow. Biting your tongue and smiling mischievously you shook your head. He nodded and studied the books again, his finger gliding over the spines of them. Halting again at a brown, faux leather bound massive copy, he again gave you a quick questioning look. This time however with a playful smirk pulling on the corner of his mouth. Liking his little game more and more you crossed your hands behind your back and began to lean back and forth on your heels, again shaking your head. He hummed and huffed in mock annoyance making you honest to god, giggle. You weren’t the giggling type! What the hell was going on?!

You had already realised that he wasn’t a man of many words so you played along for another two attempts of his until he finally tapped on the spine of your desired book (he damn well knew which one you wanted from the start). You nodded excitedly and he chuckled deep in his throat awakening goosebumps all over your arms as a result. He pulled the book out and slowly handed it to you. You took it in your hands carefully and full of awe, eyes sparkling as you brushed your fingers over the name of your favourite story teller. “Thank you very much” you breathed and gave him a brilliant smile. Again the tips of his ears went bright red but his voice was strong when he said “No worries. Happy to help you.” Only now you noticed the slight accent. Interesting, you thought.

Pressing the book happily to your chest you looked up into his face. “I see you like medieval blacksmithing” you said and pointed to the huge book that he left on one of the tables. He stood a little more erect and nodded his head quickly. “Yes” he said excitedly as you both walked over to the pair of soft chairs. “It´s so fascinating. Hardly believable what they accomplished without modern technology. Beautiful craftsmanship too. Look here”, he opened the book and pointed at the depiction of a beautiful Viking sword. His enthusiasm warmed your body and something in your chest began to pull yourself towards him. Without realising it, you both had sat down next to each other, the huge volume in the middle. Turning page after page, he showed you many more fascinating facts and pictures, all the while talking animatedly.

It seemed like you had to revoke your statement from before. He was a talker. Once he was comfortable.

Time seemed to stand still. From time to time you glanced at him as he spoke softly about different types of iron compositions. Although his height was intimidating, he was far from that. At least here with you. You guessed he was in his late twenties or maybe early thirties. When he showed you a particular picture he moved the book closer, leaning over the arm of the chair closer to you.

He smelled divine. Musky, yet sweet. Earthy and somehow crisp. A serene scene developed behind your eyes. An early spring morning, wet with dew clinging to sweet smelling crocuses. Only the heavy fog wafting over the ground an indication that winter was still holding on. And while you looked at his profile your skin erupted in pleasant chills as you imagined the first clear rays of sunshine breaking through said fog, illuminating the delicate process of nature’s awakening.

It was like his presence and voice opened the floodgates of your own imagination. You felt yourself becoming helplessly attracted to him. The pull in your chest becoming stronger by the minute.

Suddenly you weren’t looking at his profile anymore. He had turned his head, looking into your eyes. Silence spread between you. A comfortable one. Enamoured you tried to figure out the colour of his eyes. Blue, you noticed. With a hint of green. Seafoam. Or maybe not? Jade green with a dusting of light blue. Maybe that was it. You found it impossible to look away. And so did he. His gaze was on you. Your eyes, your nose, your mouth, your eyes again. They looked curious and gentle.

None of you realised how much you had leaned into each other. With your noses almost touching, a blaring alarm suddenly made both of you jump back into your seats, hearts hammering wildly. Almost panicked he fished through the pockets of his jeans until he pulled out his phone.

His eyes went comically wide and in a flurry of powerful limbs he clambered upright. “Oh verdammt, verdammt” (damn)he cursed as he pulled a worn leather jacket over his broad shoulders. Your heart fluttering when you recognized the words. “I´m so sorry. I´m terribly late. I have to go.” You felt your stomach drop in a weird way. Walking towards the front door he gave you an almost pained look full of hesitation. You stood there almost as helpless, not wanting him to leave.

“Wie ist dein Name?” (What´s your name?) you asked a little hesitant. His jaw went slack and he gave you a look of surprise and pure adoration before showing you his lovable canines again in a grin and answered. “Du kannst König zu mir sagen, Maus.” (You can call me König, mouse)

You gave him another beautiful smile, touched your chest and gave him your own name. He rolled it around on his tongue and you were sure he could see the tremor in your hands. Your face felt like it was on fire, your knees weak. With a lift of his hand and a small wave he opened the door to the store and turned around one last time. “Ich hoffe wir sehen uns wieder, ___ -Maus.” (I hope we´ll see each other again, ___- mouse)

True to the little nickname he gave you, you squeaked beyond flustered but nodded your head enthusiastically. His eyes blitzed happily and then he turned and began jogging down the street in a hurry.

Your mind an absolute mess and head swirling you turned towards the counter and swallowed.

One elbow parched onto the wood, her head leaned into her hand, Lucy tapped the acrylic nails of her other hand slowly on the counter giving you the most shit eating grin you had ever seen on her.

“Don´t” you said with a sigh. She blew a disbelieving raspberry and started laughing. “Are you kidding me?! Of course I will!! What in the shit was that!? Since when do you speak German and who´s horse was that?!?!?! My sweet child, you two were so into each other you didn’t even notice me over here!” Her wide brown eyes stared you down while you tried to hide your flustered expression.

Walking over to her you leaned over the counter and lay your head on it. Lucy still tried to control her giggles. “I don´t know, okey? He was just…he got my book off the shelve and then…medieval blacksmithing…Grin...EYES!” you groaned out almost exasperatedly.

“Oh deary, I noticed. You were back there for almost two hours. I thought for a moment you ditched me without paying.” You stood up straight again and gave her an unamused look. “You know I´d never do that.” Lucy nodded good naturedly. “Of course I do but seriously, how is it you speak German?”

“I don’t speak that much, honestly. Most of it is self-taught. I just…like it” you shrugged. “Well, HE obviously did too” Lucy winked, her impossibly white teeth shining. You groaned again but couldn’t hide the massive grin.

“You need to come into the shop every day now in case he comes back” your friend said while pouring you a cup of coffee.

With a huff your heart sank again. “I can´t,” you said in a small voice. “I don´t have any more vacation days this year and they really need me on base.”

Lucy tutted and looked a bit miffed. “You know, one would think that a military base would have more than one chief mechanic for their helis and shit.” You snorted at her offended tone and your heart grew several sizes for your friend.

“Tell you what” she said in a determined voice. “Next time he comes in, I´ll give him your number. NO buts!” she held her finger in your face and swirled it, crunching up her adorable button nose. “It´s not like he´s easy to overlook.”

You grinned and nodded your head in defeat. It wasn’t like you didn’t want him to have your number. Of course you did. But with all your duties on base, you didn’t know if you would have the chance to give it to him personally. So you just hoped that the man named König would somehow stumble into your life again. As adorably as he did this afternoon.

_________________________________________________________

Weeeeeeell? What do we think? Part 2? I do have an idea for a mini series so let me know if you woul´d like to read that ;) There will be smut if you like. Let me know if you´d like to be tagged and check out my account for more spicy and fluffy stories.

Thank you very much for reading <3 If you´d like please interact with this post. Comments, liks and reblogs always make my day. Your opinion matters greatly. Only with feedback can I improve :) I´d also like to thank TikTok for feeding me König content so religiously that I had no other chance than to write this

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loose-angel · 1 year

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Hi can I request a headcanon with Jake, Lo’ak, and Neteyam where their female mate gets angry at them one day for them being very protective of her yelling at them to leave her alone as she feels a bit suffocated and she just wants freedom to do her own thing and they react by putting their head down with their tail between their legs and ears lying flat against their head apologising very quietly before leaving with tears in their eyes and how they’d react when they’re sad and their mate coming to them to fix things with apologies from her as well ending is fluffy please? Thanks 😊

𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐒𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 Jake, Neteyam, and Lo’ak headcanons notes: i had a lot of fun making this!! esp for Lo'ak cuz its my first time writing for him... also sorry that jakes is a little short i unfortunately see him as a dad but i tried to make it somewhat romantic xDD hope u all enjoy!

Jake Sully

Jake was super protective over you, despite him being rather ‘new’ to the Na’vi lifestyle, he still felt it was imperative for him to be your protector no matter what.

Because of this he stopped you from doing a lot of things

But if he’s with you then go right on ahead!!

But sometimes you just want to do stuff, alone.

But again, he just doesnt get that

One day, you try to go out hunting with your friend, but before you could even grab your bow, jake stops you

“Where ya going sweetheart?”

The usual phrase that made you feel so warm, now just ticks you off.

Before you could control yourself, words just start spilling out of your mouth.

“Jake! I don’t need any protecting! I was perfectly fine and alive before we even met! So just leave me alone!”

Jakes ears flatten against his head and he lets out a sigh

“Baby I –” He reaches out for you but you storm off before he could say anything

You come back from the hunt, filled with regret.

You knew you shouldnt have yelled, and you could’ve phrased things differently, but it was so frustrating!

You expect Jake to avoid you when you arrive home, but instead he greets you right at the entrance

He carries a bouquet of flowers, handing it to you

“I’m sorry for being a little overprotective over you my angel, I’m just afraid that something bad would happen to you”

“I’m sorry, I know you just want to protect me, I didnt mean to yell”

The two of you make up and nuzzle together in your hammock for the rest of the evening

Neteyam Sully

Neteyam grew up with three younger siblings, so it was inevitable that he would be protective over you as well

But he lets you do as you please

The over protectiveness began after a hunting accident that ended up with you having a fractured leg

thankfully the medicinal herbs helped speed up the healing process

But ever since then Neteyam was wary of letting you do anything without him

You try going hunting with your friends, or flying on your ikran but Neteyam simply refused.

“I can’t let you out of my sight my love, how about we go hunting tomorrow instead?”

You turn away, not responding to him, he reaches out to you but you hiss at him

Hes obviously taken aback, you’ve never so much as frowned at him, so this was new

But he was used to conflict, and even more used to solving conflict, so he stays calm

“My Tanhi, you know I just want to protect you, I promise we'll go hunting tomorrow, and you can even invite your friends too”

“Neteyam, I am not a weak child, I can do things on my own” You growled, ripping your arm from his hold. You go to leave your tent but Neteyam stops you.

“Don’t touch me! You treat me like i'm incapable, well sorry I’m not like your squad buddies but I don’t need you!”

Neteyam frowns, his ears flatten against his head, he falters in his step and lets go of your arm.

“Well if you feel you are better off in the hunt without me. . .” He trailed off, refusing to meet your eyes

You sigh, mostly in annoyance with your own actions

“I’m sorry my love, I didn’t mean it like that, I didn’t mean it at all, I just want to be able to do things on my own again”

He nods along to your words but still refuses to meet your eyes

You gently grab a hold of his chin, lifting it up, you nuzzle against his nose lightly

“I’m sorry ma’Neteyam, I will always need you”

Lo'ak Sully

Lo’ak was on the normal side of things

Once the two of you became a legitimate couple, he did feel some sense of protectiveness over you, but he never let it guide his emotions and decisions

Up until he realized that other men of the clan had no respect for your relationship and would continue to flirt with you

You being your kind self, you didn’t notice these advances as anything more than kind compliments, especially since you were already with your beloved Lo’ak

But Lo’ak saw thru their ‘kind’ words

It was no secret that Lo’ak faced a little bit of insecurity about himself, so seeing that these seemingly better men (they are not) are trying to take you away from him, his overprotectiveness kicked in

Lo’ak then decided that you were under no circumstances allowed out of his sight.

He tried to not be overbearing about it, if you wanted to hang out with friends he would simply watch from a distance, ready to pounce on any man who bothered to approach you

You were fine with it at first, waving it off as one of Lo’aks antics but as time passed and Lo’ak kept at it you started to feel bothered about it

“Lo’ak, do you really have to come along?” You and your friends decided to go out to the forest to pick out some fruit for the clan (which was also a secret gossip session) and yet again, the boy was trailing behind you

“Yeah, obviously, cuz these guys can’t get the hint” He grunted

“Well I don’t need you trailing behind me all the time!” You rolled your eyes

“It’s not like you reject these guys, you let them come all over you!”

“Leave me alone! I don’t want you anywhere near me!” You hissed, you turned around and continued your trek to the forest grounds.

Lo’ak keeps his eyes on you as you further the distance between you both

His ears flatten against his head, tail swishing softly

Once youre out of sight, Lo’ak turns around to begin walking back to his home

A few hours pass before you come back from the forest

“Ma’Lo’ak? Where are you my love?”

You approach the na’vi boy on the hammock, you lock eyes and you notice a slight puffiness to his own

Immediately you felt 10x worse

“I’m sorry my love,” You climb into the hammock with him, thankful that he opens his arms for you, “I’m so sorry about what I said earlier”

He doesnt say anything, so you resort to peppering his face with kisses

Soon enough he lets out a giggle and the both of you are able to hug it out

#avatar #avatar way of water #jake sully #jake sully x y/n #jake sully x reader #jake sully imagine #neteyam #neteyam sully #neteyam x y/n #neteyam x reader #neteyam fluff #loak sully #loak x reader #loak x y/n #loak fluff

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fandomssaremysoul · 1 year

Text

I have decided to make a MHA, Izuku Midoriya centric, fanfiction 101 recommendations, list.

I am but a basic bitch of nerds, but I have opinions and I WILL share them bc I'm incapable of shutting the fuck up.

Anyway this is a list of fic I think any person who reads fanfiction, is a BNHA fan and likes Izuku Midoriya, should read.

(is it actually an excuse to find ppl who like the same shit i do? Maybe.)

So, this list will contain fics that are completed ONLY.

There are a lot of MHA staples that aren't finished yet, and they will get a post of their own.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Alright disclaimers, PSA, whatever, ALWAYS and I fuckin mean ALWAYS, read the tags and trigger warnings bc I won't lie, some might get a bit dark.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

1. Complicated Creation - Elemental

Easily one of the best fics I've ever read. Great world building based on the Ghibli movie Spirited away. We love to see it. The writing and plot are both breath-taking.

It has quirkless Izuku, spirits, dragons, healing and a sprinkle of a classic trope in the MHA fandom, Dadzawa.

2. Hero Class Civil Warfare - RogueDruid

If you have been in the fandom space for at least a couple of months and have been reading fics, you have, 100% heard of RogueDruid. He has, hands down, some of the most captivating work in the whole of the internet. One of the classics, is HCCW. It has inspired a lot of other fics, which had gone the class War route (hmu if u want reccs). Incredibly well done, the EFFORT that went into this had to be astounding. There isn't a single miss.

Without spoiling too much, the class 1 A and 1 B, have a final exam. The exam in this world, is a war between villain and heros. Izuku is put into the position of the leader of the villains, the Kingpin while his rival, the Paragon, is none other than Katsuki Bakugou. We get a mastermind Izuku, characters from 1 B, that I personally never cared much for, before reading this fic and more.

3. Mastermind: Strategist for Hire by Clouds

Staying in the villain Izuku waters, I present Mastermind. A part of a series called For the want of a nail, that follows different universes in which Izuku stays quirkless. Mastermind is a personal favourite. It's the second installment of the series and has an ongoing sequel. (The series includes Viridian: the green guide, Deku? I think he's some pro, Chet Code: support strategist and two more, which aren't completed yet).

Here, Izuku stays quirkless as he loses any hope left for the hero society. He, unfortunately for the world, is stupidly smart and easily gained a fearsome reputation, for being the best strategist for hire for villains. After realizing the world sucks and he, in fact, doesn't, Izuku becomes a villain the likes héroes have never seen before.

4. The Mystery of Student No.18 by cloud_nine_and_three_quarters

Another author, that has me by the scruff of my goddamm neck. Went for my throat every fuckin time. I will name the other fics later but lemme tell you about this one.

It's the second fic in the list, that has Izuku with OFA. This time though, Izuku stayed true to his self-sacrificing roots and got himself into a coma. While in his lovely sleeping beauty-esk state, OFA keeps giving him energy and thus an once of a lifetime opportunity to become a ghost. Yes you heard that right. He becomes a ghost and lightly haunts his class. The fic is golden, funny and just a little bit sad.

The other three fics, just as good as this one are Canary, Why are we here again? and Displacement.

5. Yesterday upon the stair by PitvViperOfDoom

Keeping with the ghost theme, we have the one and only YUTS. Again, world building is of the charts great. A great quirk and awesome themes with unexpected turns and plots. The gist is, Izuku can see ghosts. This story is one of the rare ones where Nana Shimura (my beloved) plays a bigger role than usual. Definitely chdck out the additional parts of the series though at that point it goes slightly into more crack waters but it's still incredible.

6. [Content] by Teobot

Taking a sharp turn into morally grey vigilante route, we get this great first part of an incredible ongoing series. There are two parts done and the wait is always worth it.

7. Assignment: Personality Swap by BelleAmant

First I wanted to recc their vigilante Izuku fic (Vigil, Ante and their vigilante antics) but I must admit, while a classic, it hasn't been as impactful to the fandom as Personality Swap has been. Both with its incredible humor, bit of angst and quirk fuckery the whole series has been nothing but hits.

8. Another form of power by Jade_Tatsu

Veering directly back into villain Izuku, this one was a breath of fresh air. I once got tired of villain Izuku that was either forced to be a villain or was just a vigilante but darker, so I went on a search and found this. The series All for power, is a 4 part ENTIRELY COMPLETED series, about politician villain Izuku. The first part is told mostly through the eyes of Kurogiri and I swear, it's my favorite of the all.

9. How Seven (7) Dead Heroes Stopped Being Bored by ScottishSunshine

Crack inspired, but more All for one focused that Izuku, but still most things happen because of the Midoriya family so it counts. It's good and fun and an interesting read especially of you're fond of Dad for one.

10. Prodigal by writerllofllworlds

And for the end, let's get our hearts crushed just a little.

An angst filled suspected traitor AU. In my humble opinion, very few have ever truly succeeded in writing a traitor AU, nearly as good as this one. I like it in most part because Izuku goes through hell and back, and I just am like that. It's epic.

Was this list an exuse to talk about fics I like? Yes. But do i feel like everyone who like BNHA should read these?

Abso - fuckin-lutley

I consider it a crime if you don't. Also pls do add your own opinions and if you want more reccs, ask in the comments or dm me or whatever floats your boat Besties.

Kiki the nerd, signing off

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amhrosina · 1 year

Text

August (Namor x fem!Reader)

Songfic - August by Taylor Swift

MASTERLIST // JOIN MY TAGLIST

A/N: hi friends! I hit 500 followers today and have over 1,000 notes on one of my fics. I can’t express how much I appreciate your support and love for my writing :’). You are all so kind! This fic took me a few days longer than usual because I was experiencing some pretty intense writer’s block. Hopefully, that’s in the past! Anyways, a nonnie requested this! Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy it!

Request: hi i have read the artist and the sea and it was so well-written and wonderful 🥹🫶🏼 this is why i'm requesting a namor x fem reader that is kind of inspired with august by taylor swift? like it's a summer love typa beat but the reader will realize that they don't have a future together since he's a god and she's just a mortal so it's like the lyric "so much for summer love and saying 'us' cause you weren't mine to lose" ??? you can put a happy ending or not honestly it's fine either way! and sorry if this is too specific and if you don't want to write this, it's okay <333

Summary: You and Namor must face the music when the real world begins to catch up with your summer love affair.

(Warnings: smutty language, allusions of smut, no hardcore smut (nonnie didn’t specify and I didn’t want to include it just in case), watch me make shit up about being able to visit Talokan as a human (without the suit lol), fluffy Namor, Namor would hang the moon for reader, a little bit of angst, happy ending bc im incapable of writing sad endings)

Translations:

in yakunaj – my love

princesa – princess

Salt air, and the rust on your door I never needed anything more

The summer heat was stifling, but you were determined to meet Namor on the beach when he finally made it back from Talokan, and the sun had almost set, so the heat wouldn’t be an issue for much longer. He’d been gone for three long days, and you were beginning to grow a little anxious. Since you’d met him, the time between seeing him was never longer than a day or two. When he hadn’t returned last night, you’d opened your bedroom window and listened to the sound of the sea for hours until finally drifting off into a restless sleep. When you awoke, and he still hadn’t come back, the worry began gnawing at your gut.

You weren’t entirely sure why Namor continued to come back to you, time and time again. It was a thought that was easily forgotten when Namor was around, but during the short stretches of his absence, you couldn’t stop yourself from mulling it over. Namor was a god, a warrior that was centuries older than you, and yet, he seemed completely enamored with you.

His “little love”, he called you, a nickname that never failed to make you blush. When you really thought about it, the pace at which you’d fallen for each other was incredibly fast. It was a lightning storm out at sea, a muscle car going 90 down the pacific coast highway, the tumble of the waves meeting the sand on a stormy night. It was a warmth that many people didn’t know existed. You’d never cared about anyone as deeply as you care for Namor, and you tried not to think about that, because it was a terrifying thought.

You never let yourself consider what would happen when you continued to age while Namor didn’t. Namor never brought it up either, and for that you were grateful. The thought left a melancholy note in your body, and you wanted to enjoy the time you were getting to spend with Namor now, even if later wasn’t guaranteed.

The sun hung low in the sky, on the cusp of fading into the night, and you were worried you might be gnawing a hole in your cheek when you finally spotted Namor in the water. You breathed a sigh of relief, but the nervous ache in your chest didn’t disappear. What if he was only coming to say goodbye to you?

“I am sorry it took me so long, in yakunaj. I got here as fast as I could.” He buried you in a hug, pressing a kiss on the crown of your head. “I missed you, little love.”

“I missed you too.” You nuzzled into his chest. “Do you want to come inside?”

You tilted your head up at him, blinking in awe at his beauty. You would never get tired of seeing him like this. You were almost completely sure no one in the world got to experience the warm, cuddly side of Namor besides you. The way he described his people gave you the sense that “warm and cuddly” wasn’t really what they were going for as warriors, but you didn’t care. Namor never brought violence home to you, and in turn, you always appreciated his kindness a little extra.

“Lead the way, in yakunaj.”

Whispers of "Are you sure?" "Never have I ever before"

As soon as Namor shut the door, he was on you. His lips captured yours in a heated kiss, pulling your body against his in one swift movement. One hand traveled along the curve of your waist while the other had a firm grip on your jaw, and the sparks traveling through your veins reminded you of the first time Namor had ever kissed you like this.

Crisp memories flashed through your mind. Namor’s gentle caress along your spine. His fingers lightly treading the waistband of your shorts. The way he’d carefully laid you down, kissing every inch of you with soft lips. In the centuries since he’d been born, the act of sex had become a detatched act of primal urge. He never cared about the people he was burying himself inside of, not really. But then he met you, and suddenly the world had shifted.

“You make me feel alive, for the first time in 500 years.”

He had whispered this into your skin, resting his head on your chest as the weight of his words sank in. You had gently cradled his head in your hands, pressing a soft kiss to his lips before slowly pulling your shirt over your head.

Your first time with Namor was nothing short of magical. You should’ve probably expected it, considering how much more time he’d had to perfect his craft than other men, but you suspected that the love exchanged between you also had an impact. The morning after, Namor had revealed to you that he’d never experienced love, but that he was pretty sure it’s what he felt for you. You’d melted into his hold, and he made love to you again, whispering confessions of love into your skin.

Namor lifted you in the air and wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling you back into the present. His desire was achingly hard against your clothed core, and you couldn’t help the moan that escaped your lips as you shifted against him. He walked the two of you into your bedroom, and softly closed the door behind him. This was the usual routine after he returned from Talokan, and the love between the two of you seemed to grow every time you reunited.

Your back beneath the sun Wishin' I could write my name on it Will you call when you're back at school? I remember thinkin' I had you

Later, after you had spent hours kissing gentle reminders of how much you missed one another into each other’s skin, you were cuddled into Namor’s side, resting your head on his chest in a sleepy haze.

“Why did it take you so long to come back?” You prodded, out of curiosity, but also out of nervousness.

Namor sighed, pulling you tighter against his side. “My people have noticed that I spend more time here than at home. Namora is concerned.”

You stiffened against him. You knew Namor hadn’t revealed to anyone in Talokan exactly what he’d been doing on the surface, but he had never spoken so openly about the toll it was taking on him.

“Do not worry, in yakunaj. It is a peaceful time for my people.”

“What if it wasn’t peaceful?” You asked, tilting your head up to look at him.

“Then I would be with my people, fighting alongside them. I have a duty to protect them, in yakunaj. But I would think of you every second, until we met again.”

You sighed, but you understood. He was theirs long before he was yours, and you couldn’t expect him to give up 500 years of history for you.

“I wish I could see it. Talokan sounds lovely.” You mumbled into his chest, kissing one of the faint scars that hid along the line of his collarbone. He tightened his hold on you – a small token of appreciation in response to your love for his home.

“I know, princesa. There is nothing I want more than that.”

You wanted to ask him how long he was planning on keeping this hidden love affair going, how long he planned on lying to his closest friends and family about his feelings for a surface dweller, but you stayed quiet. That was not something you wanted to know the answer to. At least not now. The thought of your late nights together on the beach and the hours spent wrapped in bed sheets by each other’s side coming to an end was too painful to think about.

For now, you were fine with living in blissful ignorance. Eventually, you knew it would have to come to an end, but what you couldn’t bear to think about was how agonizingly lonely you would be without Namor in your life.

Instead of saying any of this, you lightly kissed his cheek, and drifted off to sleep against his chest, blissfully unaware of the war waging inside of Namor’s head at the exact same moment.

But I can see us lost in the memory August slipped away into a moment in time 'Cause it was never mine So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose You weren't mine to lose, no

The summer months passed by in an idyllic haze. It was easy to lose yourself in Namor when he was around. Hours would pass like minutes, shaded in the warm glow of summer.

Namor’s visits were less frequent, excused with the wave of his hand, as if to say, “I had to take care of something, but don’t worry about it.” You tried not to mind the absences, though. When Namor was with you, his attention was always fully on you. The nights he spent with you were always as passionate as the first night, and he’d hold you until he absolutely had to return to Talokan.

You didn’t question him, though you were curious about what he was so busy doing when he was at home. He was a King, you supposed. He probably had a lot of things going on. All of this justification didn’t help soothe the sting when his absences began to stretch into 3-4 days at a time. Perhaps he was finally realizing what you’d known all along. He was a God, and you were a human, and it wouldn’t work for much longer.

You mulled this over as you tried to read on the beach one evening. The sun was going to set soon, and it had officially been five days since Namor had visited you. You read the same paragraph three times before finally throwing the book down beside you. Distracting yourself with a book wasn’t working. Your thoughts always trailed back to Namor, and they probably always would.

You watched the sun set, waiting and waiting for the familiar tremor in the water that indicated Namor’s arrival. The tremor never came, and after two hours of sitting in miserable silence, you trudged back towards your house. He wasn’t coming, and even though you should probably have expected this eventually, you couldn’t stop the tears from welling up.

Two more days passed before you saw Namor again, and the weary look on his face when you met him in knee-deep water sent a wave of turmoil into your gut. This was it, the moment you’d been dreading since you realized how incredibly hard you’d fallen for him, and you weren’t prepared in the slightest for the wave of emotion that followed this realization.

Familiar tears stained your cheeks, and the overwhelming sense that you couldn’t breathe overtook your ability to look at him. Namor cupped your cheeks, forcing you to look into his eyes.

“In yakunaj, what is it? Why are you crying?”

You latched onto his wrists, failing to stop the tears from flowing down your face. “Please just say it, Namor. I can’t take the distance you’re forcing between us anymore. I can handle it.”

“Princesa, what are you talking about? Say what?” Namor’s face morphed into concern as he looked over your features. Your eyes were puffy, stained red from crying, and you looked exhausted.

“That you can’t love me anymore. That you have to go back to Talokan, and that I can’t come, and that I have to move on from you.”

Namor studied your face for a moment. Understanding dawned on his face as he realized how affected you were by his unexplained absences. He wiped the tears from under your eyes and shook his head.

“Is that what you think? That I don’t love you anymore?”

You tried to look away from him, but his firm grip wouldn’t allow it. You closed your eyes instead, trying to calm the heartbreak crashing through you.

“Why else have you been pulling away from me?”

“My sweet little love,” Namor cooed, kissing the tip of your nose, “I will always love you. I am sorry for being so distant lately, but I was trying to surprise you.”

You opened your eyes, confusion evident on your face.

“Surprise me with what?” You asked.

Namor smiled, glancing over his shoulder towards the water.

“We have found a way to bring you to Talokan.”

You inhaled sharply, following his gaze towards what you could only assume was the route to Talokan.

“What do you mean?” Your voice was a breathy whisper.

“I mean, there is a way for me to bring you home with me.”

Excitement bubbled in your chest, but it was quickly extinguished when you remembered that even if you could get to Talokan, time would remain an enemy. Namor was still a God, and you were still a mortal, after all.

“Namor,” you shook your head, “It won’t work. I will still die of old age, and then you will be alone again.”

Namor began shaking his head in response before you could finish your sentence.

“You misunderstand me, princesa. We have found a way for you to stay in Talokan. You would be one of us. That’s what I’ve been working on while I’ve been gone. We could be together forever, if that’s what you want.” He paused, looking over your shoulder at your house. “You will have to say goodbye to the surface, though. It will be visitable, of course, but your home would be in Talokan, with our people.”

“Our people?” You felt like a mimicking parrot, but his proposal had overwhelmed you, and that was the only thing you could muster in response.

Namor chuckled, kissing both of your cheeks, one after the other. “They are very excited to meet their soon-to-be Queen, in yakunaj.”

“You told them about me?” You murmured, in awe of his ability to render you almost speechless again.

“I did. They are glad to see me happy.”

You glanced between your home and the water, mulling over everything he’d told you.

“I know I am asking a lot of you. You do not have to give me an answer now, in yakunaj. You can think abo-”

You cut him off with a searing kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck and pushing your body against his.

“Take me home, Namor.” You murmured against his lips.

The smile on his face shined so bright that you couldn’t imagine ever saying no to him, if that’s what his response was when he was happy.

For the hope of it all (For the hope of it all)

You looked back towards your house for the final time. Leaving it behind was something you’d never thought you’d do, but you didn’t think you’d miss it – not when an entire city awaited your arrival.

Namor had explained the transition process to you as best he could. A lot of it sounded like scientific gibberish, but the parts that you picked up included drinking a blue nectar that had been mixed with his blood, which would ensure that you could breathe both under water and above it. It would also extend your lifetime by centuries, if not longer. According to Namor, people all over Talokan were celebrating your arrival already.

Namor wrapped his arms around you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“Are you sure you want to say goodbye to this life, little love?”

You smiled and leaned backwards against his chest.

“Let’s start our life together, in yakunaj.” His language felt foreign on your tongue, but you had heard him call you by that name so many times that you were sure you had pronounced it correctly.

Namor let out a loud laugh, kissing your shoulder and squeezing you tighter against him in response.

“I think I could get used to hearing you speak my language, princesa.”

“We’ll have a hundred lifetimes together. Will you teach me more?”

“I will do anything you ask of me, princesa.”

“Forever?” You asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

He grinned, nodding. “Forever.”

Tag List:

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byizoyas · 5 months

Text

DECEMBER 3RD. — heather by conan grey

sfw | gn!reader | unrequited love | angst

‘where is she…’

kaveh couldn’t keep his eyes off the front door of the library while you were both sitting, waiting for the other members of the group to join you.

you were not a huge fan of group works, especially when paired with your friends as you would always find it hard to focus on remaining serious; half of the time ending up chatting instead of doing the work.

and kaveh being in your group this time was definitely not helping.

you were honest with yourself on the feelings you had for him, and despite trying hard to not make it obvious, you sometimes caught yourself staring a bit too hard at his perfect face.

‘seriously, are they all going to be late ?’ he turned to you, asking his question and you only shrugged your shoulders as a response.

‘am i too insufferable to be alone with for you to be so impatient to see the others ?’ you asked, feigning to be hurt.

he let out a cute little laugh, pushing you away softly before holding you into his arms for few seconds. ‘idiot i’m not saying that in that way, i love spending time with you.’

you knew it was friendly coming from him but a part of you couldn’t help but hope for something more.

your mutual friend entered the room as the two of you looked back at the door. ‘finally ! where have you been ?’ kaveh grumbled, arms crossed against his chest when she sat next to him.

‘i bought a few things to eat as we’re working!’ she then turned to you, handing you a little bag with some biscuits you were particularly fond of. ‘are they still your favorite ?’ she asked, a beautiful smile on her glossy lips and you smiled back at her, nodding yes to her question.

‘thank you!’ you said, before your eyes remained fixed on the sweater she was wearing.

you examined it. it was a light beige color, made of the finest cashmere. kaveh had one like that and he never ever shared it to anyone, as he genuinely cared for that clothing.

‘is it.. kaveh’s sweater ?’ you asked, pointing at the clothing.

your friend turned back at kaveh, the two of them sharing a knowing gaze before laughing together, kinda excluding you.

if only you were stupid, perhaps you wouldn’t have asked a question whose answer was about to break your heart.

‘can we tell you something ?’ kaveh asked, whispering as he got closer to you. why was he making such a big deal of this ? what kind of secret was about to be revealed to you ?

‘kaveh and i are together, but no one knows yet ! only you !’ your friend exclaimed proudly.

if you were in a movie, now would probably be the start of a sad piano song. unfortunately you couldn’t even comfort yourself with a piece of music.

you were stuck there. stuck with them who were exposing their genuine happiness to your face. but how could you reproach them when you didn’t even tell anyone about your personal feelings.

‘oh- uh- wow that’s so nice !’ you gulped.

you weren’t one to lie about your true feelings, and you weren’t so good at it either but now that it was threatening to destroy two important friendships you had, you had no other choice but to feign happiness for them.

‘don’t tell the others when they arrive okay ? we wanna keep it a secret for now.’ kaveh started saying ‘but since you are our dearest friend, we can include you in our secret!’

the worst part of that was that you couldn’t even be glad of their trust. you were absolutely incapable of feeling anything positive right now. all you wanted was for your other three friends to arrive quickly for you to stay quiet without being suspicious.

the large smile on his lips faded when he saw your face. it appeared pretty clear that you weren’t happy and he had no idea why. because you were childhood friends and you promised to always be there for each other, didn’t you ?

‘are you okay y/n ?’ kaveh asked, taking your hand in his, genuinely worried about your sudden calm and quiet behavior.

‘yeah i’m super happy for you, just a bit surprised ! but i’m also stressed out about the deadline, does it bother you if i work by myself since the others are not there yet ?’

this, was the very best lie you’ve ever told. kaveh nodded ‘sure, we’ll stop talking to not bother you then!’

‘no need, i’ll go over there.’ you told him.

you got up from your chair, taking your stuff to go work elsewhere, anywhere but with them. she was your friend, yet you couldn’t help but feel resentment towards her.

jealousy surely took a hold of yourself too.

‘they forgot the biscuits !’ your friend told kaveh when you were already too far to hear her.

‘it’s okay, i guess they’re not so hungry today.’

kaveh glanced several times in your direction. he wasn’t sure to understand what was happening to you, but he respected your decision to be alone; despite his desire to spend time with you.

little did he know you not only needed an afternoon away from him to feel better. he was the first man you’ve ever loved, but you were just a really good friend to him.

surely he was gonna be okay, but you wouldn’t.

#byizoyas.#kaveh #kaveh x you #kaveh x y/n #kaveh x reader #kaveh scenarios #kaveh angst #genshin x reader #genshin x y/n #genshin x you

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mumms-the-word · 2 hours

Text

Illithid Souls - Part 3

The Case Studies: Karlach and Gale

Welcome to the third and final part of this wild deep dive rabbit hole monstrosity that is the three-part series about illithid souls and whether mind flayers, or specifically you as a mind flayer, have a soul.

If you read Part 1 and Part 2, then you know that yes, illithids have souls, they're just different souls that the gods don't recognize as souls because they're non-apostolic, or incapable of divine worship (as opposed to being apostolic like most humanoid souls). You now also know that you turning into a mind flayer is a bit of a special case because of the Netherese magic in the tadpoles, and this might be why you retain more of your soul than normal mind flayers would.

Also, a quick reminder of the two theories we're working with here: Theory 1 is that when someone becomes a mind flayer they essentially just die and their (apostolic) soul moves on to the Fugue Plane and the mind flayer body just gets a new illithid soul from somewhere. Theory 2 is that when someone becomes a mind flayer their soul is transformed and altered into an illithid soul, which remains tethered to the mind flayer body. BG3 seems to operate more on the Theory 2 side of things, but as we'll see with Karlach and Gale, it's more complicated than you think.

So let's deep dive, shall we?

The Case of Karlach

I'm going to be candid here and say that the mind flayer ending for Karlach makes me really sad, even knowing that there's a very high chance that her soul is mostly intact and she is mostly still Karlach. But there's no denying she's at least a little different, though the game tries to comfort us otherwise after she transforms.

Narrator: *She is transformed. Her body is no longer hers, but her eyes, her heart - she is still Karlach, for now. Only - there's a hunger in her eyes that wasn't there before.*

That "for now" is rather ominous, isn't it? But we have enough evidence from Tav/Durge/other Origins and Orpheus to suggest that the likelihood of her retaining her memories and her personality is very high. In fact, when you talk to her during the epilogue, she does seem mostly the same, though her language has mellowed out to a more formal tone and she speaks less colloquially (and swears less and less).

If you talk to her immediately after she transforms, she marvels that she's still "herself" but also "more," which again reinforces that we all get to be special mind flayers who don't completely lose our souls. But I think there are some interesting lines in this dialogue:

Karlach: This is wild. I'm myself but... but more. Player: I don't like the sound of that. Karlach: Don't worry, soldier. It's still your old pal under all this purple. But suddenly 'I' am different than I ever knew. And my engine, it's... it's... silent. No heat. No gears. Still there, but no longer threatening to explode. Soldier... Player: I guess turning into an illithid has its perks. Karlach: Here I thought I was making a sacrifice. Thank the gods I'm a noble fuck! Shit. I'm gonna be all right. I get to be alive. I get to stay. As a hideous monster, sure. But one that can feel. Think. Live. But I'm still myself. And I know what our mission is. I'm glad I get to the do the honours.

Karlach reiterates over and over that she's still herself, but you can literally hear the change in her voice. Where normally her tone and volume would be boisterous, loud, and energetic, she's now calm and mellow, even when she's swearing. Her tone here is more one of wonder. It isn't just the internal and external fires that have calmed down, her overall demeanor seems "cooler" too.

Also, in her romance ending just before the epilogue, where you're both in the Elfsong Tavern room, you can mention that she does seem a little altered.

Player: I still love you, Karlach. I still want to be with you. Karlach: I love you too. Before, that love was an irrepressible inferno. Now it is a calm, cool object of beauty. Player: I can see you're still yourself, but there's something else in there too. An illithid calm. Karlach: Maybe you're right. I feel less... changeable. Less afraid. I feel ready for whatever is to come.

It doesn't tell us much, but it does reinforce that when we or any of our companions turn into a mind flayer, we likely retain a lot of our former personality, but in a much more calm, even-keeled kind of way. Again going back to the idea that our soul is still there, still mostly the same, but has been made a bit more illithid.

What is more interesting for Karlach, specifically, is her discussion of her diet as a mind flayer. Remember what souls are allegedly made up of? Intelligence, personality, and what else?

Memories.

Karlach: For example, my favourite food used to be mutton chops. Do you know what it is now? Brains, soldier. Brains. Player: Comes with the illithid territory, I suppose. Karlach: True. But I've found ways to maintain my values while respecting that which I am - that which made it possible for me to live. I've made arrangements with a healer in the city. When a patient is beyond saving, but still able to speak for themselves, they're offered a choice. They can go as nature intends to take them. Or, when they're ready - when their goodbyes have been said, their affairs settled, and all that awaits them is pain - I relieve them. When I consume their brains, I am nourished by much more than the physical nutrition. Their memories - from birth to death - become part of me. I've lived hundreds of childhoods, first loves, marriages, feuds and friendships. I remember them all. And in this way, we all live on. Together.

There's so much to unpack here. One, she still remembers her values, even six months later, but is trying to negotiate her former humanoid values (and personality, I imagine) with her needs as a mind flayer. That seems very Karlach, through and through.

But then, when she consumes these dying patients' brains, she absorbs and retains their memories. I imagine their souls still go on to the Fugue Plane, because I highly doubt that mind flayers also consume souls when they eat brains, but it still leaves me with questions. Karlach isn't part of a hivemind, which normally circulates memories between each other, but she's becoming a similar kind of receptacle for memories, and only she is the one that contains them, rather than an entire hivemind.

I have to wonder how much something like constantly consuming and remembering memories that are not your own affects you as a person/creature. Does that eventually lead to a loss of self, as you begin to "live" multiple different lives? Or does it all count as mere knowledge?

In some ways this would put her in competition with any elder brains still out there, but she's also not collecting knowledge for the sake of knowledge. She's collecting memories and living them out in her mind, which is a certain kind of tragedy. She's literally living vicariously through these people because her mind flayer body is too scary to go out and about in, and she's making up for a decade of life she didn't get to live. She's alive, but she's not...living if that makes sense. And again...how long before all these memories start to change who she is?

(An aside. I really don’t think her eating brains and collecting memories keeps someone’s soul from moving on. If you use the spell Speak with Dead, you don’t call back an entire soul, but the corpse still has access to its memories. I think in this case, even though memories make up part of a soul, Karlach consuming brains and collecting memories is more like her downloading a copy of the memories for herself. The dead person likely still takes their own memories with them to the Fugue Plane, where they will be judged by Kelemvor or collected by their favorite deity. She’s just copy/pasting data, not transferring everything from one hard drive to another, if that analogy makes sense.)

This arrangement where Karlach consumes the brains of dying patients is expanded or clarified a bit if you're romancing her during the epilogue, and also includes a reference to souls as well.

Karlach: I can’t wait to say hello, but to be honest, I’m keen to visit the doctor before it gets too late. He said there’s a potential in his infirmary. A very old woman recently diagnosed with a wasting sickness. She seemed interested in what I have to offer. I’ll want to have a good long talk with her before we make an arrangement. Though if I’m being very selfish, I hope she’ll say yes. I’m absolutely famished - and think of all those memories. Player: Glad to hear. I was worried you were getting hungry. Karlach: I don’t hide it well, do I? Some things don’t change, even when everything else does. It’s funny. I’m hungry in my body, but in my soul too. That woman has lived a long life - births, deaths, love, misfortune. And if she agrees, I’ll be able to give her a dignified end, and remember it all in her honour.

Or if you go with a different option:

Player: I'm still not sure how I feel about this arrangement. Are you sure it's ethical to feed on the dying? Karlach: I'm sure of very little these days. But at least this way, I can live. And those who offer themselves to me can live on too. Births, first loves, marriages, losses - I remember them all and always will. Each memory I've consumed is of value.

It's just so interesting to me. One, her remark that she's eager to say hello but slightly more interested in chatting to a doctor about her next meal suggests that some elements of becoming a mind flayer are much harder to ignore. I imagine if she's hungry, she feels less like Karlach. (And I have thoughts, for another post, about whether she becomes "too fixated" on living when she's a mind flayer, given the cost of what it means to stay alive as a mind flayer.)

But she also says she's hungry in her soul. Her soul seems deeply interested in these memories, and I wonder if that's because memories are (or could be) part of souls themselves. Maybe the remark isn't really that deep, but she specifically connects the hunger of her soul to all the memories a long-lived woman will have. It's almost as if these memories nurture her soul, but it's unclear whether that is because it's somehow healing to see and "experience" life in ways she can't now that she's a mind flayer, or if it's because the memories have some kind of tangible effect on her soul/souls in general.

I suppose we won't know for sure. What we do know from Karlach's case, however, is that a great deal of the original soul (personality, memories, etc) seems to stick around even six months later, though there are noticeable changes in personality, such as an overall calm demeanor. There are also hints that consuming brains could lead to further changes down the road, but there's nothing really concrete. Just hints.

In the end, Karlach is still Karlach, and her soul still has plenty of elements of the original Karlach, even six months later. This is a good sign, but we can't completely ignore that her new body/mind as a mind flayer will necessarily mean some things have permanently changed. Whether you judge those changes as good or bad is up to you.

With that said, let's move on to the final and most mind-boggling case.

The Case of Gale

If you play a companion as an Origin run, the mind flayer decision typically works out the same way as Tav...unless you're playing as Gale. Gale gets some extra options at the end of the game.

This is mostly because Gale has perhaps the most apostolic soul that hangs in the balance, second only to Shadowheart, and her soul pendulum swings between Selûne and Shar. Gale, however, seems to be walking on a knife's edge trying to retain or earn back entry into Elysium, Mystra's domain in the Outer Planes. He's allegedly already been there, though not as a dead soul, so he knows what's at stake if his soul suddenly becomes non-apostolic or disappears.

In other words, Gale has a formerly Faithful apostolic soul, but he spends much of the game probably worried his soul will be judged as False when he dies (since he lost Mystra's favor) until Mystra offers her brand of forgiveness, which is essentially "if you sacrifice your own life, I'll let you into Elyisum again." It's a guarantee that he ends up in the afterlife he wants to be in. That's what Mystra's forgiveness really boils down to.

Now, this is a man who does not want to sacrifice his soul, and also (Netherese orb aside) does not want to die if his soul is going to be judged as False by Kelemvor rather than welcomed into Elysium as a Faithful soul. We know that Gale finds the Fugue Plane exceedingly depressing, so I can't imagine he has any desire to wander around it for any stretch of time, even if Mystra does eventually deign to invite him into Elysium. I'm sure the thought of becoming part of the Wall of the Faithless might as well be hell to him.

Gale: It’s a relief to be back in beautiful Faerûn. The dreariness of the Fugue Plane oppresses one’s soul so very quickly.

[mumm's note: yes my man died in service of a Tactician battle against Grym, but he got better]

It's a little surprising to see how adamantly Gale would prefer to choose the Netherese orb over letting himself or anyone he cares for become illithid. Look at some of what he says when he tries to offer the orb as an option for the final battle:

Gale: An easy proposition for the Emperor to make - 'become a mind flayer' - it has no soul to sacrifice. If it did - perhaps it would understand the weight of what it's asking of us. And why we might seek an alternative.

I couldn't get this next dialogue to trigger in my game, but in the same conversation as above you might potentially get the option to remind him about Mystra's offer to cure his orb condition, and even then he reminds you of the stakes that come with becoming a mind flayer.

Player: Mystra will cure you if we bring her the Crown of Karsus. You don't need to do this. Gale: To cure me of the orb, yes. But what of the guilt of allowing one of my friends to sacrifice their very soul and become illithid?

Now keep in mind, up to this point no one has shown any evidence that turning into a mind flayer won't actually mean the total destruction of one's soul. Up until now, the only evidence anyone has of an original soul remaining intact inside a mind flayer body is the Emperor (we have no frame of reference for who Omeluum was before he was a mind flayer), and most of the companions do not trust the Emperor one bit. So Gale genuinely thinks that becoming a mind flayer means your soul is either destroyed or changed so much that it's no longer you.

I mean, think about it. He's half expecting you to take the tadpole the Emperor offers and literally cease to exist. He's expecting to fight alongside a mind flayer who has, at best, your name and a few scraps of your memory, and at worst, no shred of you at all. Because again, up until this point in the game, none of them realize that they could become a special mind flayer who does actually retain most (if not all) of their soul, including their personality and memories.

Gale literally thinks that blowing up and going to the Fugue Plane is better than you or any companion becoming a mind flayer.

But that's in a companion run. Obviously, if you play him as an Origin, you can have him turn into a mind flayer as a different kind of ultimate sacrifice. The decision plays out the same as a Tav/Durge run or any other Origin run. But after the game ends, Gale gets unique dialogue if he (1) sacrifices himself or (2) does not sacrifice himself and goes to meet Mystra with the Crown in hand.

Any run of his sacrifice (aka, using the orb, regardless of whether or not he is illithid) results in Withers finding him in the Fugue Plane for a brief conversation. This conversation isn't much different if Gale is a mind flayer when he uses the orb, since all it does is add an extra option to their conversation that references being illithid ("One illithid for the whole of Faerûn seems like a fair trade to me," which replaces the option "One wizard for the whole of Faerûn...etc").

(An aside, I don't have an Origin Gale run so I can't test this, but I think if he ends his life on the docks as a mind flayer, the way Tav/Durge can with a knife got the stomach, then he just gets the usual Tav/Durge conversation with Withers about how his form has "something of the spirit" about him. See Part 2 if you're curious about that conversation.)

What this conversation with Withers reveals is how much control Mystra seems to have over his soul, especially if/when he's a mind flayer. If Gale decides to sacrifice himself using the Netherese Orb, Withers remarks about how surprising it is that Mystra hasn’t picked him up yet.

Withers: Who flickers there ‘twixt the shadows? Gale, who didst surrender his very self for the salvation of Faerûn. I feared I might not find thee here - that Mystra would have already plucked thy thread from the tapestry of fate. But she may wait a while yet.

It’s a little unclear if Withers uses “plucked thy thread from the tapestry of fate” to mean Gale gets to go to Elysium or something else, and it’s equally unclear whether Mystra waiting is a sign of displeasure or a sign that she is interested in sending Gale back to the Material Plane. She is capable of doing that, after all, and has frequently resurrected her Chosens, like Elminster, if it suits her.

But I highlight this conversation to show that you can get it as a mind flayer, and (if you are a mind flayer during this scene) that Mystra waiting isn't because he's a mind flayer and she can't find his soul. She waits for a minute regardless of whether he's illithid or not. But Withers is certain Mystra will be able to find Gale's soul, because he was able to find Gale's soul and recognize it as Gale.

So, not to harp on this again and again, but it's proof that turning into a mind flayer didn't destroy Gale's soul. It's still Gale's soul, even in the Fugue Plane, even if he's mind-flayer-shaped, and that soul is still capable of journeying to Elysium, should Mystra bother to find it wandering the Fugue Plane (or wherever he is).

But things are a little different if Gale decides to become a mind flayer and then goes to visit Mystra with the Crown of Karsus in hand. Keep in mind, Origin!Gale always has the option to face off against Mystra after the defeat of the Netherbrain, and this face-off is where he decides to hand over the Crown, become the god of ambition, or straight up try to fight Mystra.

However! If Gale is a mind flayer, he gets a secret fourth option.

If Gale goes to meet Mystra as an illithid with the Crown of Karsus and then gives up the Crown to her, Mystra offers to take Gale to Elysium with her. More than that, she offers to literally restore his humanity and cure him of illithidness.

Sort of.

Mystra: So, Gale of Waterdeep, you have become the inheritor of Karsus’ powers at last. What do you intend to do with them? Gale: I came to surrender them. The Crown, the Karsite Weave - take it all. Mystra: This offering cost you greatly. There is no hope in life as an illithid, devoid of soul and conscience. It is within my power to restore your soul, and your humanity, if you are willing to leave the mortal realms behind. Return with me, to Elysium.

No one else is offering this kind of deal to an Origin-turned-mind-flayer. Selûne and Shar don’t care if Shadowheart turns illithid, and Withers isn’t exactly offering to restore souls and humanity (or…mortalness?) to everyone else. This is a signifier of the sheer amount of power Mystra has, yes, but this also hints at some other things.

One, despite evidence of the contrary, Mystra is adamant that Gale-as-illithid is or would be “devoid of soul and conscience,” even though we know that that likely isn’t true (just see Karlach, Tav/Durge, etc). Perhaps Mystra is unaware that Gale is a Special Mind Flayer (seems unlikely), or perhaps she’s simply trying to convince Gale to come with her. After all, what she’s offering is still a kind of reward.

Then again, maybe Gale and/or Mystra fear the long-term effects of illithidness. Maybe over time he would become less and less like Gale, perhaps due to consuming memories, or other factors that come with being a mind flayer. Still, though, saying that his life would be "devoid of soul and conscience" seems like a massive stretch on Mystra's part.

But anyway, the reward for him turning into a mind flayer and giving her the Crown is a restoration of his humanity...but only in death.

Mystra: Return with me, to Elysium. Devnote: respectful - Gale sacrificed his humanity to achieve what she asked. If he’s willing to die on the mortal planes, she will restore his soul and body but in the heavens.

Now before I get to what happens if Gale agrees to this reward, I want to point out that Mystra herself sort of acknowledges that Gale isn't exactly devoid of soul and conscience if he refuses her offer. Here are some of the ways Gale can turn her down, with her answer to each option being the same:

Gale: [Option 1] Thank you, but no. I have someone waiting for me. Gale: [Option 2] Perhaps one day, but for now there is more I need to accomplish. Gale: [Option 3] Being an illithid has its advantages. I'm content as I am. Mystra: Then you are free to go with both my thanks and my promise - henceforth, your prayers will always be answered.

The whole idea of an apostolic soul is that it means the person is capable of worshipping a divine being, and this worship ncludes prayers. She might have said that him being illithid would mean he would be devoid of soul and conscience, but in nearly the same breath she promises to answer all his prayers. So she recognizes something of a soul within him. So why say he would be devoid of soul?

Of course, things get weird if Gale accepts her offer to be restored and go to Elyisum. If Gale agrees, then she fulfills her promise and even restores his place as one of her Chosen.

Gale: I crave nothing more. Take me to Elysium. Mystra: So be it. Gale of Waterdeep, Chosen of Mystra. Cinematic Tag: Mystra transforms Mindflayer Gale back to his human form (hollow) and grabs Gale’s hand. They return to Elysium.

This is wild to me. You see, originally when I started this project I thought I was going to be writing posts about how interesting it is that when you become a mind flayer, your soul is probably hanging out in the Fugue Plane or something, and eventually I’d suggest that Mystra is able to restore Gale’s soul to him because it’s already gone to her domain or she knows how to find it because he used to be so faithful to her. But none of that works now.

Because now I’m convinced that the Netherese tadpole changes everyone into a Special Mind Flayer whose soul is still present in their mind flayer bodies, just altered or transformed. So what’s up with this stuff from Mystra? She recognizes Gale as Gale even when he's a mind flayer and promises to answer his prayers, so clearly there's some kind of apostolic soul thing going on here. So why does she offer to "restore his soul," and also, why only in death?

She does say that she will restore Gale’s humanity, so now I assume that somehow her powers allow her to un-alter Gale’s soul so that it isn’t so illithid anymore. My idea is that she’s essentially restoring his soul to its former state and not, as we might otherwise infer, literally giving him his soul back, as if it were separate from his body. Gale’s soul is still in his mind flayer body, if all the rest of the evidence holds any water, so Mystra must have merely changed it back to the way it was.

quick picture break, this is from Northalix's video, linked below

Which makes me wonder, can a completely original, apostolic-type soul exist in an illithid body? Or does the body dictate that the soul must be somewhat illithid in order to be compatible?

Because the thing is, this deal comes with an ultimatum. She’s not going to let him go back to the mortal realms after she’s restored his soul. She probably could—she’s probably capable of doing that, if only by giving him a completely new body (she's done that before with Elminster). But she doesn’t. The cure comes with a cost. He only gets to be human again if he agrees to die completely and join her in Elysium. There is no undoing the illithid sacrifice, which seems more like a game limitation than a Mystra limitation (although we can certainly brainstorm reasons why Mystra would be so petty as to basically say "I can make you human again but only if you die completely.")

I want to point out that Mystra doesn't offer to let Gale come back to Elysium as a dead guy if he's not a mind flayer. Like, we don't get the sparkly ascension scene if he blows up with the Netherese orb, we get the Withers visit in the Fugue Plane. This Elysium offer is an illithid-only option. If he's not a mind flayer and he returns the Crown, she cures him of the Netherese Orb and sends him back. There's no option to join her in Elysium. Why is this an illithid-only option?

Also, just...I need you to watch the scene.

youtube

There's a lot that bothers me about this. One, the gestures she makes are the exact gestures God!Gale makes when he ascends Tav/Durge if they romanced him and agreed to become a god with him. Do with that what you will. But two...it just gives me the ick. This is a different kind of ascension for Gale. It's a restoration of his place in Elysium, but it ultimately means his premature death. If this is the route you take as him...it's hardly better than him sacrificing himself using the Netherese Orb without becoming a mind flayer. Only this time, we get to see the scene where he goes to Elysium, I guess.

It also massively complicates the whole idea that everyone gets to be a special mind flayer with a mostly-intact, mostly-apostolic soul. If the soul didn't change, why does Mystra need to "restore" it? And if it did change, why is Mystra the only one capable of un-changing it back to its original form (is it because he’s her Chosen and is/was so faithful)?And if such a thing is possible, why offer it and then say "but you're dead now"?

It seems as though her "fixing" Gale's soul was really just her...I don't know, separating it from his physical mind flayer body so the illithid anatomy wouldn't mess with it as much, and then dusting off his soul, which is now bodyless, and taking it with her to Elysium. I'm not saying that's what she did, but that's the weird vibes I get from this interaction. Like, there seems to be some kind of implication that you can't have a fully humanoid, apostolic soul housed within an illithid body. The soul has to be altered somehow to work with the illithid body.

So why not just give him a new body, Mystra??? Fix is soul and give him a new body! You’re absolutely capable of that!

I have so many questions.

Of course, keep in mind that Gale can reject her, obviously, and return to the mortal realms as a mind flayer. She does acknowledge that he has at least something of a soul that can pray to her so...I mean, there's that.

Anyways, what have we learned?

The Summary

With Karlach, we see that being a mind flayer does necessarily change parts of a person's personality (which, again, is part of their soul). Usually this results in a person seeming calmer, more mellow, less emotional than they normally would have been, but it does seem that for Tav/Durge, the companions, and Orpheus that turning into a mind flayer doesn't completely destroy their soul. It just seems to alter it a bit. In my opinion, the soul just becomes a tiny bit more illithid. Karlach’s case does leave us with questions about how “good” consuming and retaining so many memories might be in the long run, but as of six months post-ceremorphosis, she seems fine.

From Gale, we learn that apparently it's possible to restore or un-alter a partly-illithid soul so that it goes back to normal, but this power is extremely rare and likely relegated to the gods alone (or a particularly powerful Wish spell). We're also reminded that keeping recognizable parts of one's soul, like the personality and memories, is a huge surprise, because that's not how normal mind flayers work. We know this from Orpheus, but Gale just kinda reinforced it.

I guess we also learned that Mystra is a massive—but I should keep this civil. We all know what Mystra is.

It shouldn't come as a surprise that she's unwilling to accept Gale into her domain while he is still a mind flayer, even though his soul obviously would fit the bill based on what a soul is/does for the gods. He has a viable apostolic soul, it’s just mind-flayer-shaped!I'm sure Mystra thinks she's being magnanimous by offering him eternity as a human in Elysium, but I think it ultimately just shows how shallow she can be. Gale only gets to come back if he’s not mind flayer shaped.

And I think, deep down, Gale has always suspected that would be the case.

And on that familiar note, my friends, thank you for joining me on this excessively long deep dive into mind flayer souls and things we can learn from the game and the lore.

~*~*~

If you made it to the end, congrats! More gold stars for you!

✨⭐️🌟⭐️✨⭐️🌟⭐️✨⭐️🌟⭐️✨

If you read through all three parts and also made it to the end of this one, you are the real MVP and I wish I had stickers or achievements to give you so you can be like "I survived another three-part deep dive from mumm." But I don't even have a lousy T-Shirt to offer you.

You can have this random picture instead though :> it's my Tav Dani looking very unimpressed by the Emperor's offer of sexy times (sorry not sorry Empy, she's got a man and his name is Gale and she prefers him and all her friends to be tentacle-free)

Enjoy the lore and remember that it's all up to you to decide what you want to keep or reject! I'm just showing you what's out there!

Tags for those who wanted an update! @galesdevoteewife @stuffforthestash

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 meta #bg3 lore #bg3 deep dive #bg3 discourse #gale #gale dekarios #karlach #mind flayer #IT'S DONE #this is the wildest one I think and the one I wanted to write the most so #yay #why do I DO THIS to myself omg

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sinisterexaggerator · 6 months

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Could you give headcanons about Bane’s touch starvation/relationship with physical touch, especially when it comes to his partner?

Bane is touched starved later in life, but perhaps it wasn’t always like this. Allow me to break it down. Of course, this entails my personal backstory for Cad Bane when it comes to my version of his past, which includes not one but three separate “ships” on his timeline. 1) Jango Fett. 2) Hondo Ohnaka*. 3) Shriv Suurgav. Though Hondo is special, and their fates seem to be intertwined. >D

It also depends on the context, like if we're going off my OC Zulara. In other scenarios, my Bane is not shy to sex, but may still be adverse to physical touch.

Bear with me. Or not.

As a boy, Bane’s father was not very affectionate or loving. He was a hard ass, but he provided for his family. He felt that Bane (Lumoon) should work in the factories alongside him and his mother, but Bane would later refuse this, which caused a rift in their relationship.

However, as a small youngling Bane received love and affection from his mother (life-giver) and his siblings to a degree, but especially his baby sister. She adored Bane, idolized him, and would follow him around. It is the loss of that love in various ways and due to various circumstances that begins his downward spiral.

Bane with Jango is an interesting relationship because they are a lot alike in that both are hotheaded, quick to anger, don’t know how to take no for an answer, and are competitive and money driven, but Bane’s sour attitude and brat-like behavior often does not sit well in Fett’s book. They both have their set ways, their own hatreds or dislikes, but work well together as they are also both confident and sure of their abilities. They trust each other; they always have each other’s back though they may argue, but the arguments come often and come hard, especially during Bane’s mentorship, and ESPECIALLY if one or both have been heavily drinking alcohol, which they often do in this case.

Bane is not exactly the best student. I don’t mean that he is not capable, I mean that in he is hard to teach due to his stubborn nature.

Long story short, this is not the kind of love Bane needs. He learns to fear the one he cares about, or assumes that violence and anger is appropriate to express in any situation, and that things are not solved by talking, but by throwing punches when the going gets too tough to tolerate.

Moving to Hondo, in this version of events, they both share common elements to their past and way of life. While Hondo is the sunshine one, Bane is the “moon,” which ties into his “real name” as well for me. It’s an enemies to lovers; more from Bane’s end as I am sure you can imagine. Hondo is an acquired taste, and it takes a damn long time for Bane to come around.

However, when he does, it may as well be the best damn thing that has ever happened to him. Hondo does not skimp on love, affection, proper communication, or kindness and understanding. While Ohnaka has his work cut out for him, it is the outcome of the story that eventually leaves Bane depressed, jaded, angry, and incapable of being with another for a very long time.

When I say a long time, I mean at least 18-20 years. This man is not above holding a grudge, or talking himself down to the point he thinks no one wants to have anything to do with him. He’s made it clear he’s a killer, a gun for hire, and nearly everyone in the Galaxy knows and is terrified of the name Cad Bane.

It becomes a lonely life, a sad life. Bane only has his little droid as his companion, and while Todo does his best, he is not organic and cannot provide the kind of attention Bane may secretly want, or needs.

The only people Bane “touches” are crooks and thieves, evil-doers, those he’s paid to catch and kill; he “touches” them when they’re thrown in stuncuffs, or when they’re being tossed into a cell aboard his ship. Otherwise, he does not come into physical contact with anyone else for any reason, and it remains this way, most likely affecting his mental health and overall disposition.

He is angry, moody, hateful, bitter, and mean in his 50s and 60s, long after the Clone Wars, and on our way to the timeline of the Book of Boba Fett. Before he meets Shriv or reencounters Hondo, Bane has a wall up the size of a planet and keeps to himself. Without Todo, it’s possible he would have sunk into a hole so deep he would never be able to climb out. He’s at least some form of stimulation, able to hold a conversation, and provides some kind of therapy service without even truly meaning to.

Headcanons:

Should it be Shriv or otherwise, for Bane to encounter a new partner after being so utterly alone for so long and without a single kind word from others, you would be surprised how sensitive he might be, both physically and emotionally, not to mention his gear and how it covers nearly every inch of his body. He wears multiple layers of clothing and armor, thus making it even harder for him to be touched or caressed. It’s like a shield for him to hide behind, and he may not be too keen to take it off.

If you manage to touch bare flesh, he may otherwise recoil or squirm at first without meaning to. He may even forcibly grab or halt their hand, giving you a look that could make your blood run cold. Of course, when I say squirm, I mean that the sensation of another living being’s skin against his own, or even a brush of a fingertip across his scales would cause him to tremble. In fact, should the touch be a soft one, one that expresses love or meant to be kind, Bane would do everything in his power to overcome what must be an overwhelming sensory experience.

The poor thing - should he be able to let his guard down enough and trusts you enough to do so - may even cry, though he would not make a show of it or be loud in any way. Just a thin sheen of tears dotting his cheeks, or droplets at the corner of his eyes as he once more tries to regain his composure.

If you kiss him kindly, he simply allows himself to be kissed; he might accept it gladly and willingly, or he may even still be so sensitive to touch that he at first cannot bear to fully embrace it.

To stroke his cheek and brush his tears away would cause more tears to fall; for nearly two decades he has been without, deprived of a single “human” connection, isolating himself, and perhaps even despising certain aspects of himself to reinforce the idea he’s only good for one thing and one thing only: killing.

If he’s into it, he may come around sooner than you think. Once given an opportunity, perhaps he is eager. He may lap at your mouth, take your face in his hands, or nuzzle the flat of his face into your cheek or hair. Despite his overall disposition, Bane can be a gentle lover with the right person, or if it suits his mood. You would never guess by looking, but Bane in my book can be submissive and breedable, but usually only in gay relationships where another male (Jango/Hondo) is able to put him in his place or satisfy his needs so well it knocks the attitude right out of him. Whereas if we play into typical gender roles, Bane can also be dominate and forceful, but in this scenario, he both wants AND needs a kind touch.

Expect a softness you did not know was possible coming from someone so ruthless, a kind of release of tension. He deserves to be cared for and babied, and he would in a very rare instance allow it though he may still harbor the belief he does not deserve it.

To me, Cad Bane has regrets. Regrets he buries and hides away deep down inside. Regrets that when they bubble to the surface may as well be like a volcano erupting as it is hard to stopper once the lava begins to flow. He would be at his most vulnerable, and it is not a pretty sight to see.

For most, I think it would break their hearts, despite him being such an “awful” person. He is only a product of his environment, poor life choices, and devastating past. He cannot help what he has become or what people see him as, but maybe the right person could help to set him straight if he allows them to get close.

I believe this is the kind of scenario that could lead him to being so terrible and coldhearted, especially during TBOBF. His personality seems to be reduced to nothing but anger and meanness. Deep down he’s most likely hurting. I believe there are many things that causes him to be depressed, which he takes it out on those around him and finds release through his job of bounty hunting. He’s grown used to being feared, hated, and looked down on. He expects nothing less, so to finally get even a scrap of compassion, a tiny modicum of affection, or a gentle touch would cause a deluge of feelings to come to the surface.

Maybe that’s just me.

#cad bane #headcanons #star wars #touch starvation #hondo ohnaka #jango fett #ship dynamics #ship discourse #character analysis #to each their own but I see Bane this way #anonymous ask #fanfic #i changed the part about his parents already btw #new backstory

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yermes · 1 year

Text

Im not going to lie step kiddos; I’ve been feeling really sad an inadequate as of late. But instead of being angry and upset we’re going to sit down and work it out together

Heres some bread I baked (:

Pick a picture (srry no meme today)

Pick a card

Power 🧠:

Four of disks, Chesed through earth,

The hard work of three has paid off now bitch its imposter syndrome time. While having stability and having the fruits of your labor something about it seems almost untrustworthy. You may have a fear of loss, or perhaps a greed for more depending on the struggle to get here. While you finally achieve stability do not over estimate it or underestimate yourself you do deserve good things.

Princess of Cups 🐢🪽:

Venus in water signs, Earth in the waters of Briah, Malkuth

You are on an island surrounded by water around you. You may be missing research, depth, or wisdom at the moment but you do have a moment of emotional freedom. Secluded and alone you can feel out your emotions however you can also sink into the emotions and give into day dreaming which is where you can feel inadequate to dreams you may be incapable of achieving atm.

Prince of swords 🦚 ⚔️:

21° Cap to 20° Aqu, Airs of Yetzirah, Tiphareth

OKAY so the air aspect of air: at best you’re pure manifestation and a plethora of creative thoughts at your worst you can be confusing and argumentative. Without any of the other elements its like hermes story of using his intelligence to cheat and lie through life. You need to get out of your head. Use your creativity but stop being mean to yourself. Utilize the other elements to manifest while also try and do something which will chase them mean voices away (I feel you girl its not easy :(

Story:

You know I’ve been all over the internet and I’m on tiktok because spending a humiliating amount of time looking at food online is my only hobby. But as of late witchtok took me back into its clutches. Now I don’t consider myself a witch: im a chaos magician but to each their own with their titles. The shocking combination of “tinned fishtok” aka rich people trying to appropriate and raise the value of my beloved canned fish. Along with the constant argument between practitioners of morals or karma or what have you. But I am about to end this whole debate. Yes; an no. Listen we live in a world where nothing is real yet everything is real at the same time. Our paradigms are shaped differently and are unique based upon our lives and experiences. Everyones moral code will be different. No you probably won’t change anyones mind by yelling at them on the internet. The other thing to look at is not every intention is going to be 100% good all the time and not every intention can be 100% bad. The words themselves good and bad are also subjective. While I think it’s admirable that some practitioners want to dedicate themselves to the “good” theres more than good out there. And what happens if your suppressed “bad” feelings come out in a negative way? So here it is; nothing is real and everything is real all at once. Thats why so many people who you would think would have similar practices have very different ones because the way magic looks and manifests to them depends on their reality which is different from their peers or yours. Anyways thats my rant I hope you come around for a rant/story/ reading another time I love that so many of you like my readings. (:

#suitlifeofgerm #askgerm #pick a card #daily card #pick a picture #mental health #sorry no memes im not feeling funny or joking today #i hope I brighten your day a bit though (:

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harringtown · 2 years

Note

“He cards a hand through his hair, and when his fingers get caught in the tangles, he wrenches for a moment before just giving up.”

Might I request a fluffy ‘brushing Eddie’s hair’ fic? Just sweet and taking care of each other. This line in your most recent (EXCELLENT) Eddie fic got me thinking about it

ty anon!!!! sorry for the wait!!!! this was just gonna be a lil thing but im incapable of little things so its 1k but I just have feelings about soft Eddie fics <3333

“You’re going to hurt yourself,” you say pointedly, learning a hip into the doorframe of Eddie’s room.

He heard you come in while he was in the shower—or more accurately, while he was trying to take a shower, which is a mess of trash bags and a homemade shower chair and a soaking bathroom—and though he refused your multiple offers to help, you hover like he’s a stumbling baby deer on the verge of falling flat on its face.

Which, in his defense, has only happened once since he got home from the hospital yesterday, and he blames it on gravity, not his condition.

He shifts halfway toward you on his bed, ignoring the twinge in his torso. He has more stitches than he can count lining his stomach.

“I’m fine,” he says, and raises the brush to his head again. And once again, raising his arm above his waistline makes him suppress a flinch as a flare of pain rolls down his side. “See? I’m aces, babe.”

“What you are is a bad liar,” you say, shaking your head, crossing the room and plucking the brush from his hand.

“Hey, hey—”

“Hush,” you say, kicking off your shoes and climbing onto the bed, sitting cross legged at Eddie’s back. Your knees graze his bare skin with each breath he lets out. “Brush, please.”

“I am not some baby doll—” Eddie protests.

“Brush, Munson, or you’re going to need another set of stitches.”

Eddie cranes his head to meet your eyes, and after a three second stare off, he huffs a sigh and passes the brush back.

He knows what he must look like, stiff and unbreathing, as if being close to you is somehow uncomfortable. And it is, but not in the way you’d probably assume. It’s uncomfortable because Eddie still has no goddamn clue what to do when it comes to things like this. Things that are real.

When it comes to you, skin against his, close enough he can feel your breath. Even now, he can’t see your face, but every inch of him hums with electricity. Whether or not it’s the good kind is a switch that toggles back and forth constantly.

This last week hasn’t made it easier. Being taken care of is not in Eddie’s repertoire—a word Robin taught him—and shaking Death’s hand didn’t change that. He’s apologized to you so many times, the word actually lost meaning for a few minutes.

“I don’t need your help,” Eddie says. “Or your pity.”

“If you think I pity you, you don’t know me at all,” you say. “But it’s not a bad thing to need help sometimes.” You lean into him, forehead against his back.

Eddie’s heart beats so loud, he wonders if you can hear it all the way through his spine.

“Says who?” he asks. “Sounds like a load of crap.”

You snort a laugh, and though it’s another thing he’d never admit out loud, he thinks that might be his favorite sound; your laughter against his skin.

“You’ll get sick of me,” he says, and he doesn’t realize he’s spoken until the pressure on his upper back disappears.

Anxiety unfurls in his chest, and he twists to face you—or, he tries, and ends up groaning and wincing, and then you’re shifting sideways, leaning so that you can catch his gaze and hold it hostage.

“Look at me, Eddie Munson.” Your brows furrow, and you lift a hand to his cheek. “I am not going anywhere. Do you hear me?”

Eddie takes a breath. “I’m trying real hard to believe that, sweetheart,” he says, instead of lying, or assuaging you, like his instinct screams.

“I know you are,” you say.

A tiny smile plays on your lips, and it's a little bit sad, but your eyes are a deep well full of an emotion Eddie is still too scared to put a name to. An emotion he feels rocketing around his limbs like a pinball machine when he’s with you and when he isn’t.

You dip your forehead against his temple, and Eddie leans into you, and for a second, an amazing second, he just exists.

Then he presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth and says, “Alright, let’s get this over with. But, for the record, I’d like the hair to stay in my head, so, be gentle.”

You roll your eyes. “Drama queen.”

“And don’t go getting any ideas,” he says, tapping your nose with a finger—you smile, just like he knew you would. “If you even start a braid, this is over.”

You scrunch your nose and say, “I think you would look adorable with french braids.”

Eddie narrows his eyes. With a grin, you shift back behind him, and lift the brush to his head.

When Eddie brushes his hair, which is not as often as he would like to admit, it’s more of a wrestling match between him and the tangled snarls than anything.

This, though, is different.

You gather the hair off his neck, drawing it all onto his back, your fingers grazing the tops of his shoulders. His eyelids fall shut of their own accord, and he tips his head back, just a little bit.

With each tangle you work free, Eddie relaxes a little bit more. An arm pressed back against your knee, here. A lean back into your shins, there.

“I hope you know how many girls would kill for this hair,” you murmur, and Eddie can hear the smile on your lips.

“They’ve got about ten thousand mutated bats in line ahead of them,” he says.

“I think you won that fight.”

Eddie scoffs. “Flatt.”

“You lived,” you say. “That’s a victory to me.”

Eddie is trying to see it the same way. To not see it like he cheated death, like he took someone else’s second chance away when he got his own.

But each day, it gets easier. Most things are like that, he’s learning. The hard, scary things.

At some point, you swap the brush for your hands, and instead of detangling, your fingers skate across his scalp. Eddie feels himself leaning more and more into your arms, and he knows he’s falling asleep, but instead of fighting it, he lets himself slip away. And you’re there to catch him, holding on as he falls into a dream, and long after.

taglist: @milkiane @robiin-buckley @copycatkillerfics @robinbuckleyssgf

#brooke writes fic #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #x reader #stranger things

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tunashei · 7 months

Text

First Impression of Animorphs!

I'm listening to the Animorphs series while I work, through Animorphs Aloud - a fan made reading of the series. Here are my first impressions/random thoughts about them! Spoilers below if you haven't read them.

Book 8: The Alien

OOOOOOH AX POV! Ax Pov! This is not a drill! I am so hype

Oh the mental imagery of Ax watching the space battle above him while sitting alone in this artificial dome is so...so emotional. The strange disconnect of watching helplessly in a veritable garden of eden as your brother and others fight above you in the cold vacuum of space. I'd like to draw it

And then the absolute terror of being ejected from your ship and falling into the ocean of the nearby planet. Stuck beneath miles of water pressing down on you. Chills

Also now I'm really curious what the surface of the sea looks like if you're looking up at from below many miles

Ooooh we got little diary entries! Very amusing! This book is starting off so strong

Loving the amount of planning for taking Ax to a movie, they've learnt from previous times!

One of the reasons I was so excited for Ax pov is stuff like learning all these Andalite words, and bits of biology, the different ways of observing things. Alien perspective is so interesting

Confession time, I listened to this book before Megamorphs 1 which is before this book in the timeline. So I had no idea was a Veleek was and was rather confused they'd beaten one

I love the regular forays into Ax's Adventures with Food. Please don't eat cigarettes baby

I was cracking up at work for this whole sequence. Got some funny looks.

Going to make a prediction. Seerow's Kindness is referring to Andalites helping out the Yeerks somehow. Also Seerow is Visser Three's Andalite Host.

My man eat with he feet

I'm so here for Ax and Tobias best buds friendship

Ax confirmed canonically hetero this is a sad day for us all :(

Ok why after the semi-disaster of the movies would you take Ax to school, that is one of the most stressful confusing environments for anyone. Also schools have registers they're not going to just let you bring in a new kid

Unless maybe the teacher won't care because they've got a bloody Yeerk dying in their head! The book has predicted this predicament!

However, very unrealistic that the kids fled the room instead of crowding around the freaking-out teacher. You'd spend 20 minutes chasing them out the room and they'd still crowd around the door peeping in.

Oh this is...a bad thing to have hidden Ax. Poor Jake. This whole conversation is very tense. Ax bringing up his brother as if to remind Jake he's already lost HIS brother to this war

Ax is always described as blue-and-tan, implying he's more blue than tan. I have a hard time believing people would think he's a deer from a distance considering his colours

Huh...wouldn't it be weird to never have moonless nights? The stars are always brightest on those days, great for stargazing. I wonder how bright the night would be if you had multiple moons. Or would it not be additive?

Fascinating evolutionary implications from a species having a biological clock that makes them war every 62 years. Some kind of mass population cull? Ensuring only the strongest breed?

Ok this is pretty funny but actually made me reconsider how we appreciate stuff?? Actually kind of mindblowing. We really don't appreciate food as an art form. After I'd listened to this bit at work, my boss gave us all a tin of chocolates. Ate them on the way home and took some time to really savour the flavour. My life is being enriched by these books.

'He was a male-as all human fathers are' Implication Andalites can have female fathers??? Maybe. Would be cool.

Ax totally winning at social interaction

Aw Ax, you are being very brave :(

Huh so this Yeerk controller loved another Yeerk? I could have sworn in a previous book it said they were incapable of love, I think the one where Jake gets infested

Poor Ax. You really feel his struggle in being compared to his brother, now having to take the blame

The yeerk just fuckin bailed out the andalite?! I was not expecting this. You beat Visser Three?!

Aight so the Visser's andalite was not Seerow. He's just...some guy. Ngl was hoping for a bit more info on that, I've been very curious how Visser Three got an andalite which no other Yeerk has acomplished

Although...they're on the home world? Maybe there are other andalite controllers. Ruh roh

You guys are absolutely going to regret not putting this andalite out of his misery. He's literally begging for death and you know the horrors of being infested, and will be an incredibly powerful enemy again if you leave him. I mean, you couldn't even try to lug him out of there? How many people are going to end up killed in the future because Visser Three remains an andalite?

Called it on Seerow's Gift being helping the Yeerks. I kind of get it though I'd feel sorry for any sapient species that had to life it's entire life as a slug in a pool

Winced when Ax confessed his fears of giving humans help that would lead them to be conquerors, and Marco brushing it off. Humans would absolutely become conquerors, it's in our history

Wow. This is definitely my favourite book so far. I expected it would be, I'm very into xenofiction (when a book is written from a non-human perspective) but I think the emotional journey was also great in this. The ending was a bit quick and weak. But overall great.

#animorphs #animorphs aloud #audio book #book #first impressions #reading

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hihopelessromantics · 1 year

Text

The Learner Learns Nothing

In which the writing of Seven Deadly Sins expects us to believe that Merlin, the glutton for knowledge, is incapable of learning what really matters over the course of her 3,000 year journey.

I wrote this inspired by @zeldriszezinho‘s comment on how Merlin was able to reactivate Elizabeth’s curse. The implication that Merlin at some point during the 3000 years gained the ability to break the curse and could have done it AT ANY TIME from that point forward absolutely blew my mind.

If so canon Merlin is DEAD to me I swear that is so WRONG.

I've never seen a master manipulator character written like this before and I'm not even sure if this is a good way to write a trick villain or whatever the hell she was supposed to be. It sure is baffling so nakaba got that right. I was just as shocked and disbelieving as the sins were. Still am. Regardless of how well it fits her “canon” character and personality it is NOT consistent with the found family themes 😭 Plus it would make her RIDICULOUSLY overpowered... how would she have as much power as a god without serious consequences? And literately no one noticed, ever? Britannia started literately falling apart when Meliodas had that much magical power.

You know what I think I will jump on the hating canon Merlin bandwagon with you zeldriszezinho. I am stitching the Merlins from fanfictions together to make a better, healthier one as a present to the sins for all they've gone through together.

Merlin is just - ugh - it’s too sad. Everyone else gets to be, as the people who remember English class would say, a round character, including many of the antagonists! Tons of minor characters get memorable moments of growth, but Merlin, one of the major characters? She stays static for the most part. Trapped as a plot device until the very end. The narrative leaves her alone, torn away from her found family by an insane twist that I don’t quite understand.

It’s like Merlin never gave a second thought to how the sins are acting. Ten years out of 3,000 isn’t a lot but someone as smart and observant as Merlin should have seen the way the other sins treat her. They knew close to nothing about her, and she constantly isolated herself emotionally and physically from them, but they never made a move to exclude her from the group, or pry too much, or question her origins. They just loved her unconditionally even though she wouldn’t let them in. There was so much raw potential for her character to have a unique and complicated bond with the sins as a group. Maybe it should have been the wakeup call she needed that the unhealed child inside of her could still learn to receive love. That it wasn’t too late to have a life outside her chaos obsession. Canon left us with a pretty unsatisfying answer as to why she acted the way she has. Like hmmm. Really?

Canon Merlin, you had 3,000 years to decide whether to seek help for your childhood trauma and learn how to love in a somewhat healthy manner and you want me to believe you didn't even try that route??? And that on top of that you effectively prolonged the torment of the only two people shown to love you unconditionally? Whom you supposedly loved in return?? Uhhh heyo! I don't believe you. And also I am holding a sword to your throat getting your shit together is no longer optional.

Sure Merlin can be seen as a character study of how obsession can cause someone to forsake all other aspects of life. We saw it in Frankenstein - saw what became of that whole spectacle and how quickly the perpetrator learned that they didn't actually want [insert here], they were just looking for that basic hierarchy of human needs and weren't ready for the responsibility that comes when using the pursuit of scientific advancement as a substitute for, idk, I think in Merlin's case it would be coming to terms with essentially being treated as a weapon due to her abilities. (meliodas and Elizabeth parallel anyone?? We were robbed of three child soldiers learning to love together and be a family smh thanks a lot gods ) anyway back on topic. What Merlin and Frankenstein have in common throughout their story there are a lot of opportunities that they didn't take, and friends that they kept brushing off, never confiding in them until it was crisis time. Frankenstein's story is a tragedy - he keeps abandoning the rational thought and commitment to ethics that make a good scientist. Any second during his story, while he was neglecting correspondence from friends, neglecting to sleep and eat and pay attention to his needs as a person that the obsession had tossed in the trash bin, he was free to say “hey actually I CAN spare a second from my neverending workload to breathe and think about what's important to me. Why I'm doing this? And how I could do it better. Have I learned anything in this latest deep dive into knowledge?” Instead he is ruled by his emotions, which in the end, keep him from properly emphasizing with other people and actually achieving what he wanted to do. I don't even remember if Frankenstein KNEW what he wanted to get out of his experiments. Probably not considering this the way he immediately freaked out when it actually WORKED. And then it was crisis time, so he goes to his friends, but does he confide in them what really happened? What part he had in it and how he feels about the whole thing? Don't think so. So they just think he's depressed as fuck and going a little crazy. They're completely unable to help him in any substantial way.

We see this with Merlin. She has to have complete control of the situation at all times so she tells no one. If she can get this ONE THING right finally everything will fall into place. That must be what she thought. But what the hell? Knowledge is and has always been collaborative. We know she was never learning just to learn or for the love of it - it was a poor substitute for the love and attention a child needs to grow up with a good understanding of how to pursue fulfillment. So she was always aiming to accomplish something with her knowledge and all around her were people working together to accomplish something. Hell, she worked together with the sins to accomplish her goal. 3,000 years. She stopped her own time. Physically, right? Or was it mental too? The science there doesn't seem to work with the brain literately rewiring itself as it gets new experiences so. We're just meant to assume she spent 3,000 years trapped in the same mindset while traveling all over Britannia and interacting with God knows how many people. Just out of pure necessity to survive and obtain the information and tools she needs she would have to interact with a LOT of people. That's not even mentioning the people she did research on. And we're expected to believe she didn't learn anything that would make Merlin- smart, curious, motivated little Merlin who tricked two GODS on the OFF CHANCE that what they give her will satisfy the hole in her heart - didn't learn enough about human behavior to give abandoning love and true connection a second thought? Or even TRY to engage meaningfully with anyone? It's not like she had never made that connection with anyone before. What about Meliodas? What about 106 Elizabeths?

This twist that Merlin might have been manipulating the Sins all along, rather than blowing the reader’s mind with the clues and clever foreshadowing that were there all along, blows a hole in the overarching themes in the story. Merlin’s betrayal is a catastrophe of the highest proportions because it calls into question EVERYTHING they learned up until that point. What she did would cause extensive trauma to everyone involved - all this time they believed that hey, maybe fate brought us together, wasn’t it so good that we finally found people that could understand us? And now they are questioning all of it. So yeah, emotionally, the twist does what it is supposed to. It hurts. But... it doesn’t make sense. Being in the Seven Deadly Sins causes every other member to learn how to reconcile with themselves, their pasts, their feelings, and their relationships. Why is Merlin the exception? This feels like disappointing writing and a huge waste of character potential.

It's not like abandoning all emotion and other desires was remotely necessary for Merlin to achieve her goal. She's had fun along the way and that's shown to us. Why are we given ‘i used to have a crush on Meliodas’ as a reason why she would give up on connection or whatever? Merlin that was literally 3,000 years ago when you were 12(?). You didn't talk to anyone about THEIR childhood crushes in all that time? And it's not like Meliodas ever stopped loving or caring about her. Even after getting his emotions stolen bit by bit he only abandons her and the rest of the sins out of necessity. Here she's got a good friend to confide in. And he's EXACTLY the kind of friend she needs if she wants to resurrect an old god! Meliodas is trusting, supportive, willing to Go the Distance for anything he believes in, AND desperate enough to consider extreme courses of action in order to break his and Elizabeth's curses.

All Merlin has to do to potentially get Mel on board is say, "Hey, some of my personal research has turned up something I think you might be interested in. The existence of an old god that the Supreme Deity and Demon King locked away because they feared her power and didn't want her to interfere with their goals. I've been curious about rumors like these since I was a child, and now I have finally found enough solid evidence to confirm that this god exists. It stands to reason that such a god would be able and even willing to help with the curse on you and Sis-sis. Not a timely solution, but a good plan B or C. I'll be looking into it, and I'll let you know if I find anything that could help you."

What's Meliodas going to say to that? Probably, "Thanks, Merlin!"

He was not afraid of potentially starting an "age of Chaos" when his father told him that is what killing him would mean. Chaos is a mysterious entity of both darkness and light, good and evil, creation and destruction. Previously worshipped by goddesses and feared by the demons. Its agenda, if it even has one, is even more mysterious than Merlin's was before the big reveal. As far as I can infer, Chaos (without the influence of fantasy racism) seems just as likely to bring balance as it could bring upheaval. Something that Britannia desperately needs. And since Chaos is the mother of life in this universe, why would it destroy everything it has created?

It makes sense that if he had known, Meliodas would have been wary of this god, and warned Merlin to be careful, but in the end... wouldn't he have as much reason to help his friend as he would to stop her? Why continue on to release Chaos after the curse is already broken? Fair question. But why not?

Meliodas just wants to live in peace with his loved ones. If releasing Chaos means an "age of Chaos" will occur, well, that just means going back to the beginning, before the eternal game between the Supreme Deity and Demon King. So. The same unknowns that he's faced in his life thus far, except the two dictators manipulating everyone into an eternal war are replaced with the creator of life itself? That would actually sound pretty good to Meliodas, right?

Chaos is disappointed with the weakness of humanity but acknowledged it as, hehehe religious parallels my beloved, "the race most like itself, that embodies its values." Now, this could be 4+ years of religion classes talking but Chaos's previous goal before the Holy War seems to have been to create a race "in its own image." And it did. The question is, now what? I doubt this god is capable of being truly evil because why would evil create creatures with moral compasses? Evil cannot create good and vice versa. We the audience know what happened in Four Knights of the Apocolypse thus far regarding Chaos's preference to humans, but Meliodas and the other Sins have no reason to suspect the entity of chaos would ever go full genocide mode on its own creations. A god that creates all life according to a set of intricate rules (physics, etc.) tends to have patterns of behavior that make sense. Creating everything just to kill it all off doesn't really make sense.

Merlin could damn well have told the Sins, or even just Meliodas, that her goal is to resurrect the original god of their universe that was locked away by the Demon King and the Supreme Deity, who play with people's lives for fun and obviously freaking suck - without making herself look like she has a) gone off the deep end or b) working toward an evil goal that they should immediately put a stop to by any means necessary.

Instead, she just tricks Meliodas and the Sins outright in the most painful way possible. Wtf?

She doesn’t have a solid reason to hurt the people who love her like no one ever has. Who, in their own messy way, have treasured her like her own parents and her people never did.

The twist that her true goal all along was to release Chaos would still work, both as a plot mechanic and for shock value. What’s not shocking about your friend actually being serious about releasing an ancient god, and doing it so soon after Britannia was nearly destroyed by a Holy War? The Sins would have been shocked and hurt all the same with how she orchestrated them coming together, trained Arthur for this exact purpose, and prompted Meliodas to confront and kill his father - all things which were ultimately for the best for all of the races, but with Merlin’s questionable choices, involved a lot more trauma for everyone. Hell, if Merlin got a character arc like the others, the Chaos reveal would actually hurt the Sins MORE. Instead of realizing they didn’t really know her, they would be realizing that the sense of warmth and belonging and the bonds they had forged with each other hadn’t reached Merlin’s heart. That whatever effort they had put into bonding with her wasn’t enough, it didn’t help her the way she had - the way they thought she had helped them. That they had been oblivous to their friend’s suffering and emptiness, that she didn’t trust them the way they trusted her, etc, etc. A deeper and more cutting reveal if you asked me.

As it is, the reveal makes it so that they didn’t lose a friend and member of their found family. They lost a person who was just... there. Forgotten until it was strictly neccessary for her to be there. Who never truly cared (?). While that’s sad, it’s... not what it could be if she had gotten the chance to genuinely be a part of the sins, physically and emotionally.

It seems to me that in the moment, Meliodas doesn't seem overly concerned about Chaos. He's angry that Merlin would be willing to blindside and manipulate him, making light of a friendship that's spanned over 3,000 years, for the sake of something that might not even exist. He's angry she seems to value that over everything she already has. Is this the only thing she truly cared about? Was he and his loved ones nothing but pawns to her, just as he was a pawn to his father? Same with the other Sins - they don't know what's going on, but they are angry and hurt at the prospect that their friendship with Merlin was a lie.

THIS, Merlin could have avoided entirely! She is an intelligent, powerful woman - a genius according to some of the most powerful demons alive - and she has BETTER OPTIONS! Choices. By all means, she could have had wonderful, meaningful times with the Sins for all of their journey together, and kept them as friends afterward, maybe finding true fulfillment in the process. All without giving up her pursuit of releasing Chaos.

She could have learned. Why didn’t she?

#merlin nnt #merlin #nnt spoilers #sds spoilers #seven deadly sins spoilers #nanatsu no taizai spoilers #no disrespect to the author but WHY #ah yes the favorite manga - love it but also hate it!#Merlin in canon is literately the same as Merlin from the Seven Deadly Schmucks. we need to help her #I'm scared to see what nakaba does to merlin in four knights of the apocolypse

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