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jerseymuppet · 1 year

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i might be stupid but. is the gothamverse a muppets batman au? is that what the thing in ur bio means? (either way plz do tell me abt it)

That would definitely be infinitely cooler than my idea! Gothamverse is the beautiful result of me playing arkham knight while waiting for an mcr livestream to start up and thinking ‘damn bitches from jersey are fucking insane! ....wait a minute’

It’s basically a silly little idea I came up last March with where all the mcr guys are from Gotham and what their villain origin stories would be etc. I followed the main Batman villain archetypes: extremist, anti-hero, camp, and serial killer, and I had a fucking blast! It’s very silly and just something I did for fun. I guess I can go a lil bit into it here.

full disclosure, I am psychotic and disabled and I do not believe in the vilification of mental illness or disability in media, all of these characters will eventually get the help they need. Batman at its core is about a mentally ill man helping others who have been failed by society and I will never forgive dc for making him into an overpowered, glorified cop.

Frank’s character (Francis ‘Frankie’ Stein) is the extremist (duh). He’s the son of a mafia boss who is steadily ruining their town with crime and Frankie just kinda snaps and kills him to take his place as the head of the family and try to undo some of the damage done. He has great intentions, he’s just very unyielding and kind of insane 💕 his moniker is Frankenstein! And his whole schtick is that he’s very hard (if not impossible) to kill. He’s also chronically ill and Jewish, these are not important to his character but they are important to me !

Mikey’s character (Micheal Way) is the serial killer. He’s a ‘sociopath’ (theres nothing actually wrong with him, people just suck and made him feel lesser and out of place :/) trying to fit in with everyday society but he always feels like something is missing and becomes a neuroscientist to try to find what exactly it is. He invents a machine (the empathsizer) that allows him to experience other people’s memories and emotions as though they are his own. From there he accidentally gets addicted to the chemical responses his brain has to doing that. And keeps doing it. Even after the testing phase is no longer accepting applicants. It gets worse after he experiences someone’s near death experience and starts chasing the high it gave him. Idk what his moniker is? It’s sandman for right now but that’s honestly so boring and uninspired.

Ray’s character (Raymond Ortiz) is camp but very loosely. He’s an engineer by day and a rockstar by night! He’s really only an engineer to save up enough money to pursue music full time but it’s hard because he doesn’t get paid that much. Winter hits and with it, cuts to his hours! So he’s forced to choose between rent and electricity. When he gets really sick as a result, he can’t afford a doctor. And when he wakes up with his hearing gone as a result, theres nothing he can really do but spiral into a depression. Until he realizes he’s a literal biological engineer. If he can’t fix his problem he can at the very least prevent it from happening to someone else! Research does cost money, so it’s very fortunate that Gotham has so many banks. His moniker is Dr. Megahurtz! His weapon of choice is his guitar, which has been retrofitted with sonic emitters to amplify and weaponize the hertz. Not enough to hurt, but enough to incapacitate.

Gerard’s character (Jules Moss) is the anti hero! She’s (yes I made Gerard’s character a trans girl, they took too long to make a trans character so I did it for them) has the same backstory as Gerard actually! On her way home from work she witnesses a terrorist attack, but instead of starting a band she decides to fight crime instead. She does so bad. Literally her first night out patrolling she gets killed by some priest who’s been driven insane by what he claims is an angel that’s ‘chosen him to impart gods will’ but it’s just a fallen star looking for a vessel to possess and the first guy it came across wasn’t dead lol. The star turns into a sword of pure light and that’s what Jules gets stabbed with, but also it fuses itself to her dna so she wakes up a few days later, schrödingers girl, with some scary new abilities and a voice in her head that definitely wasn’t there before. Her whole arc is her trying to find the guy that killed her and get revenge. Her moniker is stigmata! Because when she gets impaled it also goes through the palms of her hands and the wounds don’t heal.

but yeah that’s the bare bones of it all! I’m planning on making this into a comic series but the script is still being written at the moment! Thank you for letting me ramble about it 💕🥰

#Also worth mentioning that Raymond and Jules do eventually get together!#I didn’t mean for that to happen but like they are best friends and they are both trying to hide what happened to them from each other #like Raymond only being able to hide the fact he’s deaf from Jules because he knows her so well that he can just anticipate what she’s #going to say can only go so far before it’s like okay these guys want to kiss I think? These two are in love #ALSO WORM IS THERE!!!#hes jules’ guy in the chair and he goes by wyrm to fit her whole medieval/joan of arc aesthetic #ANYWAY #gv #< Gothamverse tag #Also yes I’m aware Jules’ arc is literally just fashion statement I didn’t notice until someone pointed it out #same with Micheals character being like if the song sleep was a person #totally unintentional but I’m working with it!#jude.answers

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soulariarym · 2 years

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Sorry if this is too specific but could I request Charles Lee ray eating out a trans man with a degradation kink? Again sorry if that’s specific. Love your work 🖤

Charles Lee Ray // Nsfw // Transman

Don't apologize dear, I love the more specific requests so don't fret

Charles is mean to you in general, not your average nice, loving husband, he’s a murderer after all.

When he realized you got turned on by him calling you names like bitch, skank, a useless boy he could drop at any second it was over, cause oh boy are you in for a ride.

Watching as you lost your composure to his words made him so turned on, more turned on than what he’s ever felt. Knowing you love getting ate out was a dangerous game you were willing to play

As soon as you start acting needy for him he’ll grab you by the throat, pushing you against the surface you’re on while grinding against you. Saying things like “Look at you, You’re such a fucking slut y’know that?” Saying it in your ear, not whispering it either.

Once he has you at his mercy he’ll roughly push you down, spreading your legs as he holds them apart, almost immediately ripping off your clothing, teasing your aching core with his tongue.

“Tell me you’re my little bitch boy right fucking now, you know just as much as I do how how much of a fucking fuck toy you are for me, such a disgusting fucking bitch” He’ll say before waiting for your response.

Once you answer him he’ll let out his signature chuckle, proceeding to tongue fuck you, plunging his tongue deep inside you, hitting your spot over and over.

He’ll lift your thighs on his elbows, kneading them as he continues eating you out like it’s the last thing he’ll do. If you cry from stimulation he’ll degrade you, saying things like “Shut the fuck up and stop crying, I know you fucking love being used like a whore on the street”

#charles lee ray #chucky #x reader #degration

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feitanswife · 1 year

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Every time my hyperfixation wraps back around to Pokémon I have to fight the urge to open a Google doc and vomit the absurd nightmare fic my brain has been cooking up for the past seven years or so in which I retell the entire anime but changing everything I dislike, adding random elements/plot lines/characters from other media in the franchise whenever I please and with no regard for canon, and adding in several completely baseless headcanons/theories including but not limited to:

- Making Ash’s mom incredibly morally gray with good reasons for the things she did but the outcome was still awful and traumatic :)

- fucked up family trees to the point where Ash almost dates someone who got adopted by the ex boyfriend of Ash’s half brother’s father

- a character actually being a soulless body piloted by a vengeful ghost after the child in said body died in a car accident while holding a haunted artifact. The ghost then got amnesia and has no idea this happened, Ash however DOES know this happened due to Aura Bullshit and just has to live with that because telling said character about it would probably Ruin Their Life. This is completely ignored for several years until it suddenly becomes plot relevant when Ash’s brother’s father’s ex tries to destroy the world and the ghost is actually one of the only people who can stop it. (And this is all because I wanted to explain why a specific character was such a bitch because canon did a shit job on his backstory so I gave him a better one)

- Ash committing arson and assassination of a high ranking government official. But he deserved it so it’s fine :)

Also just hitting characters with the Trans your Gender ray completely indiscriminately but I always do that.

#pokemon

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loptyrs-moved · 3 years

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Can you talk more abt ur fandoms ocs? I like your writing a lot and would like to know more abt em

Oh my goodness I’m 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you’re SO sweet thank you!

Well, I have quite a few and some have their own deeper lore stories that go with them. If you guys want more information on them, I can do separate posts on all of them. But Here they are! I’m so excited to share my babies with you!

More is under the cut. The Picrew I used is here.

Ikemen Revolution

Black Army Side

Corrin Fukui

Age: Appears to be in mid-early twenties

Hair: Brick white

Eyes: Blood Red

Height: 4′11

Any other Qualities:

Draconic features -- She’s literally a dragon but not by nature

Curved Opalescent Horns

Shimmery opalescent tail

Wings that also shimmer in the light

retractable?

Pointed ears

Easily frightened by loud noises and sudden movements

stunted growth

Hoards blankets and comfort items

writes in a journal every day

its one luka got for her and she refuses to write in anything else. she pours her heart out on the pages, and all her memories

she had a brother! but he passed away because of the magic tower :(

turns into a gIANT DRAGON

ICE ICE BREATH BABY

Was found by Luka while on a patrol near the forbidden forest, lost and afraid, so she was taken in

Had amnesia at first

She actually is an experiment of Amon and she managed to escape

Excellent at sewing and gardening

Sufficient with baking

She’s for Luka! The way they fell for each other was a slow, gradual trust, and mutual understanding. She saw him as a man, as he was, and nothing else.

Sometimes is called Corri

gentle hearted and innocent

but not as innocent as you’d think

she’s a dragon, and she’s a greedy little one

Ophelia Dae

Age: 24

Hair: Crimson red

Eyes: Jade green

Height: 5′8

Any other Qualities:

A skilled swordsman, and one of the Chosen Thirteen

9 of Spades baybeee

While she is more accustomed to short swords and sabers, Phelia is a magic user! But she isn’t really in agreement with Ray with his stance on magic

BOMBASTIC AS HELL

BISEXUAL

“Is he bothering you Queen?”

Trans

Was friends with Ray and Fenrir while in school, and was just as much of a hellraiser as them

she was there when the day things went dark happened and was almost taken but that day is a blur for her

phelia REFUSES to talk about it

she still has nightmares

raised by a single mother

TRIVIA! She was an old fire emblem oc i had and she was the daughter of Arvis -- so if you squint when she uses magic you’ll see Valflame

joined the army probably because Fenrir was too, and she was inspired by him

she joined for her own reasons but he made it easier for her to do it too

his passion was what made her fall for him in the first place

has a personal vendetta against the magic tower for what they did to her and her friends

AND CORRIN JEEZ

will sacrifice herself if necessary to the cause

PROBABLY HAS ALMOST DIED BECAUSE OF IT

Bruh girl

Amira Nasiri

Age: 22

Hair: Chocolate brown

Eyes: Turquoise blue

Height: 5′3

Any other qualities:

My version of Alice! Difference is that she’s Persian

That’s it

She’s just as spunky as Alice

however she responds with being called Alice a little different

she’s adamant about being called Amira

At some point she just accepts Seth does it to distance himself

also an avid baker like alice

pISTACIOS

BAKLAVA

Amira is just Alice except she’s just my take on her.

She has the same vibrant spirit as Alice

and I personally consider Seth the canon route for REASONS

just ask me why fjgdfgjksd

Red Army Side

Azul Flores

Age: 25

Hair: Raven black

Eyes: Wisteria purple

Height: 5′0

Any Other Qualities:

An old friend of the Queen of Hearts

like she met him when she was 8 years old

fought his bullies when they would give him a hard time when he was a kid

they dated for a WHILE

did NOT work out

HARD CHILDHOOD

Ambitious, hard working young woman who was married into a high standing family on the Red side. Her mother was a teacher and gained the attention of one of the Chosen Thirteen on that side, and got married

Azul is NOT the officer’s daughter. She’s his step daughter

Has had extensive studies on the History of Cradle and of the Red Territory.

Wants to be a Cradle Historian

Works for the Red Army as a personal assistant to the queen

UNINTENTIONAL

THEY ACTUALLY CANT STAND EACH OTHER

Unless....

Look their story is very dramatic and it hurts me every day so please stay tuned with them.

CUT THROAT BITCH

YOUR DEVIL

DEMON

Heckles Jonah like its her job — she knows him better than anyone elsd, if anyone knows his bs, its her

Bad resting bitch face

Actually really shy, and quiet when in different surroundings

A sweetheart and will cut a bitch for you once she knows u

She is perhaps one of the most transparent, honest, genuine person. there is no bullshit with her. she will tell you her honest thoughts with you

Cerise Nam

Age: 19

Hair: Berry Pink

Eyes: Petal Pink

Height: 5′2

Any other qualities:

Her mom came to Cradle from a far off place, and set up a food and pastry shop in the Central Quarter. Met her dad. Been there since

They live in Black Territory

She works for her parents and works with the pastries/desserts

loves making desserts from where her parents are from

She knows the Queen of Hearts VERY well since she makes the best mille feuille

Got a job from him actually, and works for the Red Army Headquarters kitchen

Loves to cook and bake!

a little naïve, but she’s a realist

youngest of FIVE kids!!

Morning girl

She may be petite but she can HEAFT heavy bags of flour/rice/dry goods

Met Zero by accident, and crashed into him while in town

love at first sight for her. how can you fault her?

she thinks he’s dreamy... and sweet...

does she flirt with him a little? Cerise can’t help it...

She and Zero have more of a hidden relationship because she fears her parents won’t approve

family stuff -- and she understands

RED ARMY OFFICER?? BLACK TERRITORY GIRL

look im cheesy

dont worry it works out

zero has to consider himself and his own personal stuff too so its a little difficult

Non Army Suitor(s)

Lucile Lidell

Age: 20

Hair: Straw blonde

Eyes: Aqua blue

Height: 5'1

Any other qualities:

She and her twin, Noelle, are the actual descendants of the original Alice

Inherited unusual hairpins that were from cradle

More of the 'modern woman stuck in the wrong time' kind of gal

Rebellious

Noelle and Luci: partners in crime

Short skirts galore

Does not give a singular shit of what MEN think of her

Wants to be taken seriously

Sometimes acts like an airhead in order to get attention. She's actually pretty somber as a person and prefers to be in the background as her sister takes the stage

loves her sister more than anyone else in the world

When she and Noelle fall into Cradle, they kind of hightail it and live in the woods with Harr and Loki

Sticks with Harr since he's literally the least threatening man ever

First man to feel safe around

"Excuse me he said NO pickles!"

Will cut a bitch for him, or use magic -- luci will hurt someone if they even think a bout looking at him wrong

Loves to make clothes

'I mended the holes in your cloak for you...' 'Bye Harr, be safe and have a good day.'

'Welcome home, I missed you.'

Puts up a tough girl front but she's just a big softie just like him

Doesn't realize she has a crush on him until shit starts to hit the fan

Actually very vanilla tbh but wants to spoil her bf

Ikemen Sengoku

Ito Tsunade

Age: 26

Hair: Straw Blonde

Eyes: Molten Gold

Height: 5′5

Any Other Qualities:

Graduate student at the same university as Sasuke

got stuck in the storm with him and Mai, and was tossed into the sengoku era

but she got separated from Mai

Met Shingen first much to her luck because uh.... lets say Tsunade is aint the sharpest tool in the shed

HEAD EMPTY

ZERO THOUGHTS

AIRHEAD

her aesthetic when she gets there?

TITS OUT

BIG HONKERS BIG TATA

HOT

her head might be empty but her tits are fat and they will protect you

Music nerd — loves traditional Japanese instruments, especially the difficult ones

Specializes in girl metal in modern day

eventually proves herself and plays some sick chords for the takeda/uesegi forces

she has entertained them for now

puts sake away like a monster

when she meets sasuke, she finds comfort in the fact he’s also lost with her, so she clings

asks him how to protect herself from shingen bc he’s horny lolol

genuinely thinks sasuke is hilarious

also does NOT realize she’s in love with him until the gravest of grave happens

her name was UNINTENTIONAL

Aibana Hinata

Age: Presents in his early-mid twenties

Hair: Black Midnight

Eyes: Haunting gold and vermillion

Height: 5'3

Any other qualities:

The concubine of Nobunaga

Please know I made him a long while before the other guy was dropped so I’m just gonna offer this little gay boy

Nobunaga bought him from a brothel after being so intrigued by him. Hina entertained him so well that he was set for life

A RIGHT SNARKY BASTARD

HE KNOWS HE’S PRETTY AND CAN GET AWAY WITH MURDER

Likes to challenge Nobunaga in battles of wits

board games

debate as pillow talk

swordplay if the lords will entertain him enough

Bisexual as hell

Gender? Don’t know her

He uses all pronouns

True pronoun: princess

ONLY EXISTS IN A UNIVERSE WHERE THERE IS MAI

Nobunaga/Mai/Hinata........

Unless.......

Smart, and educated

former geisha

he can read! and write!

LOVE FUCKING WITH HIDEYOSHI

if there is mai, he would bond with her like no one else

he would be her best friend

her confidant

genuinely adores her

even if she is pursuing nobunaga, he doesn’t resent her ... he just wishes that she would find room in her heart for him too

puts up a tough exterior

a softie.....

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dancing-the-hellfire-rumba · 5 years

Text

Dear Hannah,

Pairing: technically Destiel, but that’s not what this is about Word Count: 4.9k (wow wtf) Warnings: mentions of self-harm, cancer, shitty father John (as per usual), angst and angst and father-daughter love and angst. Summary: When Dean, strapped to a bed, coughing up a storm, catches sight of his newly-adopted baby girl, he decides that, if he is to leave this world, he has to leave something behind for his favorite person. So he writes a booklet, trying to tell her all the things he would’ve if he was alive. Author’s note: This was originally done for @welldonebeca ‘s 2019 Song Challenge but I fucked up thinking the deadline was the 31st of October instead of the 15th. Whatever the case, my prompt was movement, by Hozier, which I interpreted as Dean being fascinated by his daughter enough that he’s inspired to write a letter book to her. Of course this wouldn’t be the entire thing, but I had to keep it under wraps.

Feedback is always welcome! No beta, all mistakes are my own.

~~~~

Hannah,

Christ, it’s the third time I’m starting this. The truth is, I’m coming up with blanks as to how to actually start. This has got to be the best I’ve got.

I’ll tell you the moral of this story, my story, from the get-go. Life’s a fucking bitch, okay? I want you to know that from now. I’d try to hold back on my swearing, but I want you to know me as the person I am, the person I’ve always been. I know what having an absent, terrible father’s like, as you’ll soon see, and I don’t want that for you. I wish I could tell you all this up close, give you advice, tell you all my crazy-ass stories as the dumbass of the teenager I was, and all the shenanigans your uncle (wow, Sam really is a friggin’ uncle!), by a campfire, while you drink your first beer.

Sadly, my odds aren’t looking so great, honey. So this is all I got. I know it’ll never be enough but something is better than nothing.

Enough with the chick flick introduction, though. Let’s start.

The pen’s heavy in his hand, and it’s equal parts the mental heaviness, the weight of the task, as it is his fatigue. Dean’s really just started this. He can’t believe it. The heaviness of uncertainty, of whether or not he’ll get enough time to finish it settles on his chest like an anvil. There’s a solid chance he doesn’t make it before his time comes.

Hannah’s sitting right there, carelessly looking at the plastic, grinning stars above her crib. She’s so innocent, skin creamy, chocolaty and bright, a young, fearsome woman that’s gonna turn out to be so incredible, he’s certain. A small baby who’s soon to walk.

Dean already knows, this kid is destined for great things.

She’s gonna grow up, past the tutus and the miniature racing-car collections, she’s gonna have a movie she’ll play on repeat for ever and ever, with a song that he’ll learn by heart after having heard it so many times. She’s gonna go to high school and she’ll be bullied but she’ll learn to kick some serious ass. She’ll develop interests, she’ll have mediocre grades but a fiery passion and a love for anything alive.

She’ll, then, go to college. She’ll fall in love, with people and life itself. She’ll do what she loves most and she’ll be so damn good at it, she’ll excel.

And Dean… Dean will be nowhere near her to see all of it.

The bitterness… it makes his eyebrows stitch together, his lip curl in clear frustration and sadness. After everything he’s been through, finally finding the person he loves most and creating a full-ass apple pie life, and it’s all gonna be gone as soon as it started. Because, as he told his favorite Hannah, life’s a fucking bitch, and there’s no denying it.

As he lays there in his bed, pale as a sheet, watching her giggle for a while, reaching for the stars, soon yawning, small eyelids shutting softly and rocking just slightly, he… he falls in love with her. This tiny, tiny happy-beyond-words creature that could ask anything of him, and he’d do it, god damn it. He really would.

A giant bubble grows in his chest, a bubble that makes him feel like he’ll protect her at absolute all costs. He’ll grab the moon and fucking move it if that’s what she needs. And all she has to do is yawn and fall asleep.

A tear appears in the corner of his eye, lingering and falling down his ashy cheek. He can’t believe he brought this bright ray of sunshine to this world, and he’s about to make her live with an absent father. That he won’t get any memories with her at all. It’s torture. All of it.

He doesn’t know what else to do, so he grabs his pen with more determination. If he’s to leave her with something, it’ll be a part of him and that is that.

~~~~~

I was born on January 24th, 1979, the first son of a, dare I say, colossally unlucky family. Your uncle, Sam, my brother, is four years younger and will ALWAYS be a wimp, don’t let the height fool you. He always had terrible, shaggy hair and was always the sharpest tool in the box. Hell, the boy went to freaking LAW SCHOOL of all places! That’s kinda crazy!

My parents, your grandparents, were Mary and John.

Mary was a sweet, incredible, fearsome blonde woman, kindest of them all. She’d cut the crusts off my toast, sing Hey, Jude to me before bed and tell me angels were watching over me. (While we’re on the topic of the Beatles, make a note to listen to them. “Hey, Jude” must be your first song, but beyond the classics [Let it Be, Hard Day’s Night, I Saw Her Standing There, I Wanna Hold your hand etc] I hope “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds” will hold a special spot in your heart, much like me.)

So, Mary. Sweet Mary. She was a real badass, you know. This one time, Sammy was hungry, so I decided to make, get this, French fries. I think I was seven. She caught me getting ready to pour oil in a very hot pan. When I say she swooped in, I mean it, quite literally. I think she saved me a hand that day.

Now, about John…You’ll have to forgive the mess that I’m about to make with this, but John was a fucking sorry excuse of a father, alright? He got piss-drunk every night after Mom died, and naturally, Sam and I were the punching bags, sometimes literally. The best nights were the ones he wasn’t home.

For years, the house was silent. Sam and I tried to keep everything clean, stock up on canned food, because at times we would only have ten bucks to hold us for over two weeks. I took him to school, fed him, made sure he studied –not that I really had to- and kept John of his hair. At sixteen I picked up a shift at Bobby Singer’s garage, a man that, at this point, deserves the Dad title significantly more than John.

Whenever Sammy was sick, it was my fault. Was anyone loud? Dean’s fault. House dirty? Dean’s fault. Did we wake him up? …Let’s just say we learned not to do that.

I tried to put myself before Sam, did anything I could to protect him. There were times when that wasn’t even enough.

I dropped out of high school at seventeen. The second I saved up enough money, I rented a hole of an apartment at the other side of town, in an attempt to help Sam have a normal life, and we hauled ass out of there.

Before I tell you about our shitty apartment, let me tell you about the highlights of my high school career. Starting off with me “unintentionally” kicking a ball at my least favorite teacher’s face (and hitting him) ((Don’t take your father’s example, kid, violence isn’t the answer.)) (Did feel pretty good at the time though), making out with Jenny in the Janitor’s closet and with Arthur at the locker rooms afterhours (I don’t know what age you’re reading this at, but I sure hope it’s over 16). Also, that one time I pulled a prank at my friend, Cole. I spray painted his entire locker. He didn’t like me very much, to be honest…

~~~~~

An important story I feel inclined to share with you, would be the fact that I was once a bully.

Kids are just mean, but also, I couldn’t understand that troubles at home, traumatic pasts and anger are not to be taken out on other people who are not at fault. Instead of finding a healthy way to deal with everything that was happening at home, I decided that every happy person that was weak enough to meddle with, didn’t deserve any happiness.

I picked on a couple of people, but I think the one I will always regret will be Kevin Tran.

Kevin was a freshman when I was in junior year. He was in the Math club, the Science club and the Robotics club. He had maybe two friends, he was skinny, short, shy as hell, he drowned himself in oversized clothes and always carried a neon green book bag around, that worked on me like red cloth to a bull.

Every time I spotted the bag in the hallway, the drill would start. Shoving the poor kid against the locker, calling him names and laughing at his face for no apparent reason. I’d steal his calculators when I found out he had chemistry tests, spray paint the door of his locker and cause rib bruises from my shoving him against walls and furniture.

I soon find out Kevin was severely depressed. In fact, I saw him in the back of the school, where I’d usually go out to smoke because I thought it was cool (it’s not, it makes you light headed, unfocused and struggle to breathe. Just an all-around terrible experience, but this is just a side-note.)

It was a Friday after school. I didn’t wanna go straight home and Sam still had one more period, so I decided to go smoke and listen to some music in the back of the school building. And that’s where I found him.

I don’t know into how much detail I should go here, but Kevin was harming himself. With a small pocket knife, he sat on an old basket and made incisions on his arms, tears running down his face like a faucet. My God, Hannah, I’ve never felt like a bigger piece of shit in my life, because I knew, and I knew very well, that at least part of those incisions were caused by me.

I called out to him, and the look on his face, as he scrambled away from me, made me feel so much worse. I was the scum of the earth at that moment. I was the biggest asshole on the planet.

My initial reaction, I’ll admit, was pretty harsh. I grabbed the pocket knife out of his hands and threw it as far as possible in the grass. I grabbed a small first aid kit I had in my bag (in case anything happens to Sam), made him sit down by force and bandaged him up. He’d been reduced to sniffles by the time I was done.

Somewhere in between, I remember, he asked me why I was doing this. I didn’t answer.

Eventually, when I was done, I sat on the ground in front of him, ripping blades of grass from the ground. I apologized. Something along the lines of “I didn’t know, not that that’s an excuse. What I’m going through is not an excuse, but I hope it makes you understand that it was nothing to do with you. I’ll stop. I’m sorry. Don’t do this to yourself, man.”

That evening, Kevin was one of the very first people who found out about John. His own dad had passed away, and things at home were rough with his mom. That, along with the whole depression thing… it wasn’t a good combo.

After a solid two hours of talking with him, making amends, apologizing profusely and getting my apology accepted (which I absolutely didn’t deserve by the way,) we made it back out front.

From then on, I stopped picking on anyone. Kevin and I actually became really good friends, though we drifted apart eventually. I think he works in Google now.

This is really important. I want you to pay attention and take heed of my words. There are a couple lessons in this story.

One, be kind. Always be kind. To everyone. It doesn’t matter if they’re going through a rough time or not, the same way it didn’t matter that Kevin’s father was dead. You don’t know the other person. There’s never a reason to not be kind, if the person has done nothing to you. A smile can make somebody’s day, a compliment can go a long way, and being open and honest and kind will make people who are looking for help find you, it will make other’s lives better, and if you’ve helped even a single person, your life has been successful.

Two, never, and I mean never take your emotional pain out on yourself, or others. There are healthy ways to deal with ugly emotions. There are people who can help. Find a new hobby, as silly as it sounds. Start doing something creative, something that draws your attention elsewhere, like art of any kind, or, in my case, fixing cars. Something to keep you busy. If you’re in trouble, emotional or otherwise, there are people who love and support you, who will do their mightiest to be by your side, and if those aren’t your friends, they’re definitely your family.

Bottling up emotions, or dealing with them in horrible, unhealthy ways has been my go-to. Don’t be like me. Express yourself in different ways, and don’t keep your feelings shoved under the carpet, because it will, absolutely, unceremoniously explode, and you’ll take people down with you. And that’s when you’ll feel like the worst person in the world. The guilt, the residue of said ugly feelings isn’t worth it. Trust me.

If you make mistakes, if you hurt people who don’t deserve it, learn from it, grow, be better. Do not sink into yourself , don’t hate yourself. Apologize, make amends and move on, try to never do the same thing. It’s okay. We’re all human. The only thing that matters is that you try to be better.

No matter what, remember that I will always love you.

~~~~

So. Our apartment back in Kansas was, as I told you, a real dump. It had a tiny-ass kitchen with a miniature stove, two mattresses that were creaky and lumpy and were left there by the previous owners, as well as the TINIEST bathroom you’ve ever seen. It didn’t have shower walls, it had a shower head and a drain on the floor and was not in any way separated from the toilet. The walls of the place were peeling, the floor was tiled and cracked in a bunch of places and the humidity must’ve been over 80%.

I fucking loved that place.

On our third day there, I borrowed some spray paints from Cole, carried them in a cardboard box up the claustrophobic, green stairs, and opened the door in absolute triumph. That day, Sam and I opened the two windows, scratched the paint off the walls with two spatulas and went WILD. It must’ve been the only day Sam didn’t study.

Actually, no, now that I think about it, there was another time, when little ol’ ten-year-old Sam fell off a ledge and freakin’ broke his arm. I dumped him on Cole’s bike and pedaled to the hospital like a maniac. That was the first day he didn’t study.

Anyways, that apartment wall made our crappy little living situation a home. Our own sanctuary. We finally got agency over our lives, from staying up late, to choosing which type of dish soap we’d use because it smelled better and didn’t remind us of the terror chores once were. Eventually, we got soft blankets, books, board games, decorations… Finally, after 18 years, we’d started our lives.

I think one of my favorite memories would be coming home from my first date with a guy. I was just 18 and Benny, the dude, kissed me before I left, his fists clutching at my flannel. I was driving home with a giant, dopey-ass smile, stretching from one ear straight to the other. That same night, with new-found confidence, I told Sammy to drop his book, bought ourselves some beers and snacks, and drove to my favorite clearing.

There, right under the stars, with Sammy trying out his first beer, I told him I’m bisexual, and the cute bastard hugged me and told me he loved me no matter what. That same night, he thanked me for everything I did for him while living with John. We talked until the sun was rising.

I’ll tell you this right now, kid, in case you haven’t gotten it yet. I love Sam. Love him to bits. I raised that kid all on my own and will do anything to protect him. I know he cares for me, I know it kills him to see me like this, in a bed, pale, miserable and coughing every three seconds. I just want you to know, honey, that whatever you need, anything at all that, for some reason, you don’t want to tell Dad, you go to Sam, okay? You can trust him to be supportive, loyal, to be there for you when no one else is and to love you like you’re his own daughter and best friend. I promise you, he will always, always be there when I’m not.

That night made us grow so much closer. The lesson here, I’d say, is be bold and confident in what you believe in and who you are. Be your own, unique self, be brave, and love whoever you choose to fully and with your whole heart, without shame, ever. If you are yourself, I promise, you’ll find the people that love you for you, not the person you’re pretending to be. You’ll inspire other to be themselves.

A good example of this would be my best friend, Charlie. When I came out, I was armed to the teeth to deal with whoever wanted to bully me for that part of me. To tell you the truth, my school coming out was a mishap. It takes nothing but a risky make-out session in the janitor’s closet and nosey students that rip doors open far too violently. Nevertheless, I was literally out of the closet, fists up. And that’s exactly when I met Charlie.

With her comic book stories and her books, her bubbly personality and bright smile, she wiggled her way into our lives and permanently stayed there. She was a freshman when I was a senior, but she seemed to find sanctuary by my side, as I did by hers. She was just one of those people who clicked, you know? Far too mature and interesting for her age, with an obsession with computers, even back when they were barely even a thing.

She now lives with her long-term girlfriend, Gilda, who owns the best bakery in the state. Ask for the apple pie, you will not be disappointed.

Charlie demanded of me to tell you, first off, to watch Marvel and screw DC right to hell (with which I have to agree, though Batman still remains one of the coolest Superheroes of my childhood (and Joker, the coolest villain)). She also told me that, if you read this, go ask her for her comics, She’d love to let you borrow them and she’s certain you’ll love them. Second off, she asked of me to tell you the Impala story…

It’s not as grand as she makes it out to be, honestly. However this is the part where you’ll learn all about the one and only Bobby Singer.

Bobby was my boss, an old friend of dad’s John’s and the first person who ever saw the bruises under my sleeves. He gave me a job, a family, and later on… a car.

Bobby owns a scrapyard. He taught me everything I know about cars, including driving, and for my seventeenth birthday, he brought a dusty, beat-up car in my workspace. The hood was bent, the seats were torn, and the engine needed immediate replacing. The customer never paid the price for the compartments the garage had paid, so under store policy, the car was ours.

Hannah, I can’t exactly describe to you how long it took me to repair that car. Buying the spare parts and assembling them would’ve probably taken less time. I built her from the ground up, it took me almost a month and a half of daily, eight-to-six work, but I made it. I fixed her up. She was in prime condition, and I had completely fallen in love with her.

I finished working on her early January, dreading the moment I would see her drive away. Bobby had seen all the effort, by then I’d worked at his place for over a year. So, on the day of my birthday, I opened my locker to put on my jumpsuit, when I saw a box placed on my neatly folded clothes. I’m sure you’ve guessed it by now. Yes. It was the keys to my dream car. A beautiful, sleek, black 1967 Chevrolet Impala, the one I had brought back to life. And it was all mine.

I don’t think I’ve hugged Bobby any tighter since then. Hell, I don’t think I’ve hugged him period.

That car… That car is probably the most stable thing in my life, apart from Sam, obviously. I’ve cried in that car, I’ve escaped from my terrible past, I’ve laughed, I’ve had my first time, I’ve been through breakups and I’ve spent my best days with it. I cherish it more than any other item I know. It’s not even an item, it’s my baby. I love it almost as much as I love you.

I met your dad, and kissed him for the first time in that car.

It’s actually a pretty fucking hilarious story. Cas was on a date with this guy who was completely disgusting and creepy as hell, so in true movie fashion he decided to, get this, jump out the bathroom window and escape.

Yeah.

So just as he was running out of the bar, the guy must’ve caught wind of him or something, because he stepped outside in order to find Cas. What did your dad decide to do, I hear you ask? He ducked behind a car in the parking lot, opened the first unlocked door he found, and jumped in.

Spoiler alert. It was my car.

I was sitting in the front seat, fighting with Sam through text when the door opened. It was highly comical, watching this guy duck behind the bench seat, mumbling “oh God, oh God, oh God, please don’t see me, oh God.” I cleared my throat.

“Oh, I see you, buddy.” That’s the first thing I told him. The look on his face and the genuine yelp, made me laugh a full belly laugh, and completely forget about my fight with Sam. He apologized profusely, explained panicked what had happened and begged me to stay in my car just for a couple minutes so the guy can lose him.

Long story short, we ended up going out ourselves. I don’t know how to explain it… we just clicked immediately. Like, there was a connection. Him and his big words, his baby blue eyes, his steady, deep and rough voice… I knew right away that all I wanted was to spend time with him, learn everything he was willing to share with me.

I’m so glad to have met your Dad. He was, is and always will be one of the best, kindest, most humble and genuine people on the planet. He sees the world from such a beautiful point of view that contradicts my eternal realism (he enjoys calling me pessimistic.) He’s a genuinely great person, and I can’t wait for you to figure so out yourself, if you haven’t already.

Of course, it wasn’t all fine and dandy. Meeting his parents was hellish. Let’s just say, Chuck and Naomi aren’t… the best people. They tried really, really hard to stop us from seeing each other, and eventually, they completely disowned Cas. He doesn’t like to talk about them much. His brother, Gabriel is an asshole, but a loveable one, while his other brother, Michael, you probably don’t know about. And you shouldn’t. Let’s just leave it at that. If Cas wants to share that story with you, he’ll do it at his own time.

I’m sure there’s a lesson to be learned here. Something about, when finding your person, to keep them, fight for them, don’t stop loving them because everyone else is telling you (unless of course that person is toxic). But I don’t think I can give you solid love advice through a dumb book. Every relationship is different, and your Dad’s better at this than me anyways.

I don’t know exactly how long this thing is, by this point, but I’ve almost finished the pages of this booklet. I was really, really worried I wouldn’t finish it in time, but here we are. However many thousand words later, and I’m clueless as to how to wrap this up.

My life isn’t over yet, however it looks like it soon will be. I will confess to you, I’m scared, but most of all I’m angry. I’m angry at the world, at life and fate, if that’s even a thing, at God even. I’ve fought my whole life for peace and quiet, and right when I have found it, it’s being ripped from under my feet. Cancer fucking sucks.

No matter, my chin is up, and so are my fists. Winchesters don’t give up easy. I will fight this until my last breath, even if the chance of watching you grow up and being able to tell you everything I’ve written face-to-face, is nothing but a sliver. After all, impossible odds were always my favorite.

Sweetheart… I don’t know what to say. This might be the only thing you have left of me for the rest of your life, and it tears me up inside. Of course, I will not be able to write thirty five years of experience in a small book such as this, but this is a part of me, memories you can keep all to yourself. Ask Dad or Sam about any of it, I’m sure they’ll fill some gaps, tell you things I haven’t written.

I don’t want you to cry much, even though I’m not sure you will at all, given the fact that you’ve never met me. Either way, whether you feel or think anything of me or not, I want you to know that I love you so much. I’ve only known you for a couple of months, and, already, you’re the brightest ray of sunshine in my life.

I promise I will be by your side no matter what happens, through every milestone and hardship, I will love you from wherever I am.

Honey, please stay true to yourself. Never give up, no matter what curveballs life throws at you. There’s always reason to keep going, even if you can’t see it. Always keep fighting, ‘till your last breath, ‘cause you’re a Winchester and you’ve absolutely got this.

If there is something I want you to remember from the scribbly mess I’ve made, it’s this:

I love you. I’m proud of you. I believe in you.

Go get ‘em, tiger.

Bonus:

Tears streaming down velvety soft cheeks, dainty fingers gripping the book tightly, like her life depends on it, Hannah stares at the ceiling and groans at the mess she is. It’s the second time she read that last bit, and just as she thought she’d gotten over it, here she is, crying just as hard as the first.

She gets off her bed, pulling on her sweater sleeves. Feet in slippers, she makes her way down the corridor, knocking on the door, and opening when she gets an answer. Her fingers grip the doorknob, the other clutching the book, and she stares at the bed, watching as green eyes look up from his laptop.

“Why did you give this to me, you ass, you’re not dead,” she sobs, and Dean pushes his laptop to the side, arms opening wide to invite her in them.

“Aw honey,” he coos, a gentle, loving smile on his face. Hannah climbs on the bed and slides to his side, curling up in his arms. “It’s okay.” Fingers stroking her hair gently, as sobs wrack through the poor girl’s body. Dean almost feels bad.

Just then, Cas appears in the doorway, having heard Hannah’s cries. He sees the booklet clutched in her arms, her face buried in Dean’s neck, hidden behind her spring-curly hair. He makes eye contact with his husband, a knowing half-smile on his lips, as he leans on the doorway.

“I love you,” Hannah says, nose stuffed and running. “Thank you for not giving up on a relationship with me, even when you didn’t think you’ll survive.” Tears wet Dean’s eyes, as he presses a kiss on the crown of her head.

“I love you too.”

#dean fluff #dean angst #destiel #daddy!dean #destiel dads #supernatural au #spn fanfiction #supernatural #spn angst #spn fluff #oc

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benzbantz · 4 years

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Best 100 Songs of the decade!

As a new decade will be upon us shortly (the 20’s) I wanted to share some of my favourite tracks from the last 10 years. I’m a pop and rap guy mostly so that’s what you can mostly expect but hopefully a few surprises along the way. I’ll post 100 songs I really loved (in no particular order) then my top 25 absolute favourites at the end. Ok here we go

~Bad Romance - Lady Gaga

To limit myself to just one GaGa track is cruel and not easy, Edge of Glory and Born this Way are both anthems and technically this came out last moment 2009 ..but didn’t pop until 2010. A classic that makes it to most my playlists.

~Airplanes- B.O.B ft Hayley Williams (A classic no need to say more.)

~Love the Way you Lie - Eminem ft Rihanna

A absolutely brutal tune about a toxic relationship full of of lies and abuse, the powerful video really sells the tone of the song.

~Rescue Me - Skepta

Used to love Grime but gone off it for a while now. I wouldn’t call this an outright grime track but Skepta def brings the gritty uk rap scene on this one.

~Forget you ~ Ceeloo Green

Thou I prefer the Gnarls Barkley music style, this is still a awesome tune. Always fun to tell someone to do one in a sing song melody.

~Written in the Stars- Tinie Tempah ft Eric Turner

Used to love me some TT, this was a real catchy banger with great chorus by Eric Turner.

~Raise your glass - Pink (Not much to say, a pop classic)

~I need a Dr - Eminem, ft Dr Dre and Skylar Grey

This is such a underrated song. You have to really know your Dre and Em history to catch everything being said (which I won’t go into here) Brilliant tune and my fave they both worked on together that decade.

~Animal- Neon Trees

Really catchy little number that I enjoyed from first hearing.

~Look at me now - Chris Brown ft Lil Wayne and Busta Rhymes

Busta Rhymes rap, that is all!

~Moves like Jagger - Maroon 5, Christina Aguilera

A great sing a long featuring two artists I’m not mad about really so a surprise like from me.

~ In the heat of the moment - Noah Gallagher’s High Flying Birds

What a tune, completely missed this first time around heard on a tv show recently checked it was this decade and then added it right on the list. Banger.

~Summertime Sadness AND ~Love - Lana Del Ray

2 for 1. When Summertime Sadness came out I was mesmerised by Lana’s voice had never heard anything like it before. Safe to say she is my artist of the decade but haven’t raided this count down with all her music. A couple here and a couple of my absolute faves in my ultimate top 25. Love was very heard to keep out of my top 25.

~Stronger (What doesn’t kill you) - Kelly Clarkson

Come on now, if you haven’t belted this one out the top of your lungs at least once I don’t know what you’ve been doing the last ten years.

~Somebody that I used to know - Goyte ft Kimbra

Went thru moments of really liking this song then it really irritating me (played on radio A LOT), thankfully years later the hype has died so I can appreciate it once more.

Midnight City- M83

This is not really my sort of music at all ,so much so I’m not even sure how to describe it. Has a 80’s feel which I love. Just love the infusion of synths and instrumental. Plus the singer has a very calm melodic voice. Great track.

~T.H.E - Will.I.Am ft Mick Jagger and Jennifer Lopez

Absolutely love this song so catchy very Fergie era BEP sounding, with a great guest solo from Mick Jagger.

~212 - Azealia Banks (not much to add on this, banger!)

~Too Close - Alex Close

If you don’t recognise this song from title you will once you hear it, such a forgotten gem.

~Picking up the Pieces - Paloma Faith

Another unique voice that def makes my top ten newly discovered artists this decade is Paloma Faith, her cover of Mama Cass’s Make your own kind of music also deserves a strong mention. Also not related to the music but Paloma is mad as a box of frogs in real life which I love.

~Bangarang- Skrillex

Yeah you’re not leaving alive from this post without a Skrillex nod I’m afraid, not a big dubstep fan but jumped aboard the band wagon when it was big for five minutes, this songs only thing that made it back with me thou.

~Hall of Fame - The Script ft Will.I.Am

First let’s clear this up I’m not a massive Will.I.Am fan or anything, he was just in EVERYTHING for the first few years of the 10’s. It’s a great song regardless.

~Harder then You think - Public Enemy (What a track, can’t say much more, banger.)

~Locked out of Heaven- Bruno Mars

Bruno Mars had some amazing tracks his debut album Doo Wops and Hooligans featured some brilliant tunes which sadly I just didn’t have space for in this countdown, Grenade, lazy song , Just the way you are, but I’m showing some love to Unorthodox Jukebox here and it’s best track giving Bruno Mars a edgier new vibe.

~Chocolate- 1975

Not my sort of music usually but really enjoyed this laid back rock number,

~Get Lucky - Daft Punk ft Pharrell Williams

Disco is back! Or is was in 2013 when this tune came out, one of the biggest selling singles worldwide in the 2010’s so not much more detail needed on its inclusion.

~Let her Go- Passenger

Nice little number, always liked this one, never really got into there other stuff but had to give this a shout out.

~Can’t hold us - Macklemore ft Ryan Lewis

The Heist is one of my fave albums from the last decade features some great tracks, same love and Thrift Shop get a shout out but this track was my fave, uplifting and full of energy.

~La La La - Naughty Boy feat Sam Smith

This was Sam Smith’s big feature hit before they became the successful solo artist they are now. Great track very different to the music Sam does now.

~Work Bitch - Britney Spears

Don’t roll your eyes! This is a banger, now get to work bitch!

~Rap God - Eminem

For Eminem’s big solo feature on this countdown it was between this, The Ringer or Not afraid. You may of guessed I’m a Eminem fan and have tried to keep his entries down but one does not simply do a music countdown and not include Rap God.

~Of the Night - Bastille

Really like this band they have some great hits, Pompeii is another great song of theirs that I didn’t have space to include. I went for this eerie cover version of the Corona 90’s dance classic as my pick.

~Wrecking Ball - Miley Cyrus (Leave me alone it’s a good song ok 😂)

~Riptide- Vance Joy

A little hidden gem I’d forgotten about until I put this list together.

~Who did that to you? - John Legend

Was going to obviously include All of me in this spot but then I remembered this absolute hit from Django unchained which sneaks in and takes the spot. Both great songs thou.

~Nobody to Love - Sigma (Great little dance track not much to add)

~ When the Party’s Over - Billy Eilish

Yes I’m a 35 year old Billy Eilish fan ok leave me alone lol. Seriously thou this girl is super talented and she’s up there in my fave artists of the decade. There will be more of her in my top 25 but this haunting track deserves a mention.

~Turn down for What - DJ Snake ft Lil Jon

It’s Lil Jon yelling really load of course it’s a banger. Also worth mentioning Ice T did a awesome Rap rock version of this song and it’s amazing!

~Problem- Ariana Grane ft Iggy Azalea

Those saxophone’s thou! Groovy little number no explanation needed.

~Chandelier- Sia

Such a power anthem, I came out as trans in 2014 so this song holds a lot of personal meaning with me but regardless is a great song anyway.

~Thinking Out Load - Ed Sheeran

I’m not the biggest Ed Sheeran fan ,take him or most often leave him ,but did like this sweet ballad. Nothing against his voice it’s his songs that don’t often do it for me but this was great.

~Good Kisser- Usher

Never been huge Usher fan ,liked his earlier stuff, confessions and all that. This was a surprise jazzy bluesy type number thou that I really enjoyed.

~Rude- Magic (A catchy sing along tune)

~Zombie - Jamie T

This guy was one of my fave artists of the 00’s, and thou his newest stuff imo doesn’t compare to his older this was still a tune.

~I - Kendrick Lemar

This is actually best when played after the song ‘U’ , the latter being a self hating song ‘loving you Is complicated’ vs I’s ‘I love myself’ different ends of the spectrum I just included ‘I’as you can enjoy that one on its own but to get the best out of that track I highly recommend listening to U first.

~See you again- Wiz Khalifa ft Charlie Puth

A sad song given it’s a tribute to Paul Walker who died in a car accident. Was overplayed a lot at the time but stands strong several years later.

~Dark Times - The Weeked an Ed Sheeran

What a track, their voices mesh perfectly together in this somber number.

~ Trouble - Iggy Azalea ft Jennifer Hudson (Banger)

~Hotline Bling - Drake

So many Drake songs I could of included, (he will appear again in the top 25) gods plan, headlines, in my feelings, nice for what, all absolutely great tracks but I had to go for my personal fave out of the bunch.

~You don’t own me - Grace ft G-Easy

This may be an odd one to some but I’ve always loved the original by Lesley Gore and this is a amazing cover. Grace has a lovely voice (and there is a non rap version if you’re so inclined) Love a good cover version and this is a awesome cover version.

~Side to Side - Ariana Grande ft Nicki Minaj

Hmm guess I’m a Ariana Grande fan, who knew. A cheeky little number and the first appearance in this countdown of a certain fave rapper of mine.

~Panda - Desiigner (another one where there’s not much I need to add, great tune)

~Dancing on my own - Robyn OR Callum Scott

Take your pick the Robyn original or the Callum Scott cover version, both stand alone great tracks, the original more a melancholy dance track the cover a somber ballad. Both brilliant.

~Alarm - Anne-Marie

A nice little pop tune, really like her voice

~Rockabye- Clean Bandit ft Anne-Marie and Sean Paul

Speaking of Anne-Marie, another great pop track. Super catchy sing along. Sean Paul can be hit or miss for me but works well with this track.

~Human - Rag N Bone Man

This is another one there’s not much I can add this guy’s voice is amazing. Brilliant song particularly love the chains you can hear rattling throughout (reminds me of Johnny Cash’s ‘Ain’t no grave’)

~Black Beatles - Rae Stremmurd ft Gucci Mane

Yep that’s some mumble rap to add to the list (told you my music taste was varied) As a whole I don’t love mumble rap but there’s some stand out tracks including this one.

~Thunder- Imagine Dragons

One of my favourite bands from the last decade, like most there stuff. This song has a great song along chorus. Really catchy track.

~New Rules And IDGAF - Dua Lipa

Honestly couldn’t pick from the two really like them both equally. So you get a double. Catchy pop tracks.

~Sorry not Sorry - Demi Lovato

It was between this or Sober (another great Demi track) but ultimately went with the more upbeat pop number.

~Havana - Camila Cabelllo ft Young Thug (A nice chilled Latino style track.)

~Perfect - Ed Sheeran

A beautiful song by Ed Sheeran,other then ‘sing’ and the previous mentions I’m not really into his stuff but this is lovely track.

~Feel it Still - Portugal the Man

Really catchy song can’t help but tap your toes along to it.

~False Alarm- The Weekend

This was something different from the Weekend, really enjoy this song, Weekend is one of my other fave artists to come out the 2010’s.

~Sanctify — Years and years

Wasn’t keen on there earlier dance stuff but when they found there sound I really enjoyed them.

~This is America- Childish Gambino

Great as this song is you really need to watch the music video as well for the song to have its full impact. Love Childish Gambino could of put several of his songs in this list, excited for future music from this guy.

~Solo - Clean Bandit ft Demi Lovato

A cheeky little pop number you can’t help but sing along to.

~Shotgun - George Ezra

One of those artists I can’t decide if I’m into or not, like one song then not keen on the next, it’s strange, but no denying this is a great song.

~Lucid Dreams - Juice WRLD (RIP)

First off Rest in peace Juice, recently died at 21, very sad. The guy was super talented and was looking forward to his future stuff. Could of picked a few tracks but this was the first song I heard of his so that’s got to be my shout out.

~Only You - Cheat Codes ft Little Mix

Although I don’t mind Little Mix this is there only entry on my list. A nice catchy sing along with a dance beat.

~Lost Without You - Freya Ridings

This almost made it into my top 25, just couldn’t find a space for it. Haunting, melodic song with Freya’s stunning vocals. Don’t play this one after a break up or a death.

~Nothing Breaks like a heart- Mark Ronson ft Miley Cyrus

~Someone you loved - Lewis Capaldi

Think this guys going to be another Ed Sheeran for me, meh most the time with the occasional great song. This one no exception.

~Shut Down - Skepta

With lyrics like ‘Ring ring pussy, it’s shut down’ how can it not be a banger 😂 Not the best song in the world I admit but good fun.

~As we enter- Nas and Damian Marley

Words can’t express how much Iove this track, such a hidden gem. A reggae- rap blend of uplifting brilliance. Great gym playlist track.

~Better Now - Post Malone

Another artist I enjoy on occasion. This is my favourite of Malone’s songs so far.

~Bad at Love - Halsey (another great pop track)

~Bitch Don’t kill my vibe- Kendrick Lamar

Could of picked a number of Kendrick tracks King Kunta, DNA, M.a.a.a.d City, If these walls could talk, just to name a few but I’ll go with the first Kendrick track I heard and loved.

~Heartbeat - Childish Gambino

So gutted I couldn’t find a spot for this banger in my 25 but I had to include it on its own. Unless you’re a CG fan it’s unlikely you’ve heard it. Highly recommended a listen. I can’t even really describe it.

~No role Models- J. Cole

A anthem with a similar feel to Keep your head up by 2pac, a sad song somewhat but with a more upbeat tempo. My personal fave J. Cole song.

~Power - Kanye West

Wow our first Kanye track. I like Kanye ,prefer his older stuff. My dark twisted fantasy was the last album of his I really liked. This was a absolute monster of a tune. Also really liked the song Runaway from the same album. Both have great intros.

~Antidote- Travis Scott

~ No Sleep- Wiz Khalifa

Super catchy song, very anthem sounding.

~Young, Wild and Free - Snoop Dogg, Wiz Khalifa and Bruno Mars

Another catchy tune, powerhouse of a team up.

~Rack City - Tyga

~ Romans Revenge- Nicki Minaj ft Eminem

Absolute banger double up from the king and queen of rap. Also a version she did with Lil Wayne which was very good but the Eminem version wins for me. Also will take the opportunity to give the Lil Wayne and Nicki song ‘knockout’ a shoutout.

~Blazin’- Nicki Minaj ft Kanye west

Another great Nicki Minaj track of the brilliant Pink Friday album. I know some of her more recent stuff hasn’t been great but she came out the gates strong in 2010.

~Pound The Alarm - Nicki Minaj

Last Nicki Minaj track I promise, could of picked this or starships as love them both equally.

~Trap Queen- Fetty Wap

Can’t lie this is something I never thought I’d like but the more I heard it the more I liked it.

~Ultimate- Denzel Curry

Yes the Vine meme song. Banger.

~Bad and Boujee - Migos

Yes more mumble rap, I’m not even sorry

~I’m not racist - Joyner Lucas

Wow maybe the most powerful song on this whole list. Nothing I explain can do it justice you have to give it a listen yourself (with the video)

~Cry Little Sister - Marilyn Manson

Boom, rap to rock just like that. I love Marilyn Manson covers, in the 00’s it was Tainted Love but this time around its this classic from The Lost Boys soundtrack. Creepy song but kinda perfect for Manson.

~Faster- Within Temptation

~End of Time - Beyoncé

Have to include some Beyoncé before this ends it’s the law. This was my favourite of hers.

~ Rumour has it - Adele

Not the biggest Adele fan but she has a few songs I enjoy, set fire to the rain and someone like you also good songs.

~Ugly Boy - Die Anwoord

Yep he’s a Die Antwoord fan 😆 I have no excuses, DA are one of my fave bands. Zef to death.

- Surf - Tommy Cash

Absolutely stupid lyrics but hilarious (need to watch the video also) it’s actually a good song with a awesome beat.

~Bang Bang Bang - Big Bang

To close the top 100 greatest songs of the decade out , some J-pop, I’m not a expert on Jpop I like a couple of artists and a few songs but had to close out with this... bang bang banger!

So here we go top 25 of my absolute faves from the 2010’s. (in no particular order)

~Radioactive- Image Dragons

This song featured in a Assassins creed game trailer (I forget which game) and I searched for it straight away, found it, fell in love, the rest is history. Great beat and vocals.

~Game Over - Tinchy Stryder, Tinie Tempah, Professor Green, Giggs, Devlin, Example, Chip

Wow with that line up it was always going to be a banger. This might be my fave beat ever! Such a tune featuring Rap and grime mvp’s from the UK.

~Gods and Monsters- Lana Del Ray

I know I said in no order but this might be my very favourite song from the last ten years. It’s not even regarded as Lana’s best but I just love everything about it, lyrics, melody and vocals. Perfect song.

~Born to Die - Lana Del Ray

Another melodic masterpiece from Lana Del Ray.

~Bad Girls - M.I.A

Yeah I’m a dude it’s weird this song gets me pumped seriously thou such a catchy song.

~In Paris - Kanye West and Jay -Z

Not much needs to be said, absolute classic.

~Over - Drake

Drake at his best imo, great beat, delivery and lyrics. My fave Drake song.

~Black Skin Head - Kanye West

Powerful song with a amazing beat, powerful lyrics, great gym song to get you pumped.

~Sail - AWOL Nation

You might have guessed by now I like a catchy sing along song with a pumping beat and somber tone. Check.

~Only love can hurt like this - Paloma Faith

Her voice in this is something else. I said it before Paloma Faith is so underrated.

~Bang Bang - Jessie J, Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj

Not to be mistaken for Bang bang bang by big bang featured earlier. Great pop hit.

~Take me to church- Hozier

Powerful song and video.

~Humble- Kendrick Lemar

Banger, not much else I can say.

~Uptown Funk — Bruno Mars

Can’t go wrong with this one, great hit.

~Can’t feel my face- The Weekend

Like most of the stuff this guy brings out, this awesome hit just tops that list.

~Redbone- Childish Gambino

Ok sorry Lana Del Ray but I retract your number one spot for this one. Thought it was Macy Grey or the Delfonics singing when I first heard it then discovered who it was. This has a 70’s soul feel. It’s hard to explain ,if you’ve never heard it give it a listen I’m sure you’ll love it.

~Bad Guy - Billy Eilish

Such a catchy tune, the song that introduced me to her music. Great little dance/pop hit. Fun and a bit freaky. Duh!

~Bury a Friend- Billy Eilish

The way Billy Eilish’s mind works amazes me, how she sees the lyrics, the music and video all as one package. She’s extremely talented and look forward to her taking up most the spots on my 2020’s best of list.

~I miss the misery- Halestorm

Great rock hit, has a very 80’s feel. Lead singer has a amazing voice.

~Sweet but Psycho - Ava Max

Maybe my favourite pure manufactured pop hit of the decade, any female pop star could churn this out and it would do well. Hate to love it.

~Homicide - Logic feat Eminem

If you don’t like rap you won’t get it, if you do, you know where I’m at.

~Stronger then Ever - Raleigh Ritchie

Otherwise known as Grey Worm in Game of Thrones, this guy can hold a tune. Great uplifting track.

~Speedom- Tech N9nne, Eminem

Another great Eminem feature hit. Absolute masterpiece of a record.

~I need - Maverick Sabre

Nice somber melodic song, this guys super talented.

~Cookie Thumper - Die Antwoord

The South African rap rave group strikes again, this one is pretty much a Yolande solo, the beat is insane and thou half of it is in said/sung in Africans it’s still my fave DA song.

~Monster- Kanye West, Jay Z, Nicki Minaj, Rick Ross, Bon Ivor

The title of this track doesn’t lie, beast of a track, arguably Nicki Minaj’s best guest verse ever (‘Where them girls at’ deserves a mention for sure) It’s in all my rap playlists, amazing song.

If you took the time to have a gander at my random countdown then I thank you, I fully expect you not to agree with everything, hopefully something you enjoy musically was mentioned I did my best to spread the genres as much as I enjoyed them. More music and other countdowns to come.

#music #billy eilish #lana del rey #the weekend #eminem #nicki minaj #childish gambino #kendrick lamar #kanye west #jay z

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i-like-my-height · 6 years

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BTS x Trans Male Scenarios

So i was talking to a friend and we both realised that like there are very few fics about male/transgender/non-binary etc people so... i wanna help by doing my part!

This is when you come out to BTS as being a trans male and how they react.

This is my first scenario thingy so please don't judge too much...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoongi:

Binding is getting kinda hard now. You hate it. The more you wait, the bigger they become, and the harder they are to hide. But at least it makes you feel better in the end. Finally, you feel like yourself. Yoongi is away for the night, and shouldn't be back for a while. He doesn't know about you being transgender. You don't know why, but even though you two have been dating for over a year, you find the idea of coming out to him intimidating. You finish up with binding, put on some of yoongi's smaller clothes and look in the mirror. Tossing a beanie over your hair, you smile at the person you feel you truely are. "... I'm gonna tell him! I will!"

"Tell me what?" You jump in shock as you hear his smooth voice ring through the room. You spin your head to catch Yoongi's eyes staring at your chest. "... Where did your tits go?" Oh geez. Not like this. You didn't want things to end up this way. But you suppose it's now or never.

"Yoongi.. I'm... I'm not what you think I am... I... I..." You feel your legs tremble and your palms start to sweat "... I'm trans..." Silence. He didn't even move a muscle. What did you do wrong!? Does he hate you!? What do yo-

"Oh. Okay. Want to watch a movie with me?" .... WHAT!? You spend all those hours a day crying over how you'll come out and you get a response like THAT!? Tears flood out of your eyes as you look at him in shock. "... I guess I should say more. Listen, i don't care about your gender or sex or anything like that. You are my beautiful boyfriend, and I love you with all my heart. Although... I'm gonna have to keep a closer eye on all my clothes." He smirks and he places a hand on your cheek and wipes away a tear. "I love you, babyboy..."

"I love you too, Yoongi.."

Namjoon:

"I love weddings!" Namjoon is always so excited. He loves dressing up in nice suits, his hair neat and tidy, his eyes glimmering with happiness. "Listen, babe, I need to run to the shops. You should get dressed." With a kiss on the cheek and a soft smile, he leaves. This is it. This is your chance.

You swing open Namjoon's cupboard and look through. He never cleans out his things due to the fear he would break it: so all of his old and smaller things are still there. Perfect. You grab a black suit, a white shirt and a blue tie that matches Namjoon's. Getting dressed, you feel comfortable. You feel like yourself. You smirk as you look at yourself in the mirror, dressed how YOU want to. No stupid dresses, no dumb high heels, nothing. Just a smart suit, just for you.

Suddenly, you feel arms snake around your waist, a head burrying into your neck from behind "So... When were you gonna tell me?" Shivers run down your spine. Does he know...? He can't, you haven't done anything until now... He smiles "I never knew you were a cross dresser!"

Ouch. "Joonie... that's not quite right.... You see... I-"

"You're trans. Babe, you talk in your sleep. You've confessed to me multiple times." What!? You knew about your sleep talking, but you didn't know about that! "And besides... I kinda like you wearing my suits~ We still have a while, how about we test out what you're like as a guy~" And with that, he sweeps you off your feet, smirking. "I've always wanted to sleep with a guy, anyways~"

Jin:

"Kim Namjoon! Kim Seokjin! Min Yoongi! Jung Hoseok! Park Jimin! Kim Taehyung! Jeon Jungkook! BTS!"

A quiet whistle plays out before the base kicks in and the boys start to move. Your relationship with Jin hasn't been a secret to anyone, especially when he looks off stage at you, singing all of his lovey dovey lines. A blush rises on your cheeks as Jin's lips part to allow his voice to sing his enchanting melody. You loved it when Jin sings to you. It make you feel safe. Warm. Loved.

He looks into your eyes as he walks towards the side of the stage, placing a hand in your palm and pulling you out onto the stage where Jimin has already set up a chair. He sit you down into it, singing the rest of the song softly, occasionally looking away just to please the millions on fans in front of him.

"What a lucky girl..." You hear Hobi mutter under his breath once the song finishes.

Girl.

The sea of lights changing colour and frantically waving side to side as the boys catch a breath fills you with this unknown feelings. Now. You want tell them now.

"BOY! LUCKY BOY! I'M A MAN! MALE! TRANS!" The well rehearsed lines you practiced day in and day out fly out of your head with a mess of words that only some can make out.

"You're... trans...?" Jin freezes. He looks at the boys around him. "... Only one thing will need to change." He smirks, walking over to the chair and dropping to one knee. The 6 other boys hold up big signs.

"Will"

"You"

"Y/N"

"L/N"

"Marry"

"Me"

"... It would mean the world if you said yes and became my husband"

Jimin:

".... Bunny? Can we try something out?" His voice is quiet, unlike himself usually. He's usually quite dominate, full of power. But now, he's small, cute, like a little kitten.

"What is it?" You tilt your head in curiosity, eger to hear what he means.

"Well... when we're usually... busy... i put on this kinda, act. I pretend to be this big strong man, but really... i'm not. So... is there anyway YOU can pretend to be that man...? Y-you can do whatever, really, i just... kinda wanna change things up a little"

.... Is this a dream? Your boyfriend, the person who you love more than anything, has asked you to be more of a man in bed. This is too perfect! You've always wanted to drop this feminine submissive act and be who you really were. You knew Jimin liked guys, but you didn't realise how much until it happened. And IT was great. You had complete control.

"... You're a natrual... Like you're an actual guy!"

"... Well i am, kitten~" You smirk. This spike of dominance gave you the courage to just... say it!

"... what...?" He looks at you, weak and confused. You can see the gears turning in his head until he hits a lightbulb. "... are you trans?" You nod softly, a small smile forming at the corner of your mouth. He grins "Can we do this more!? I love this! I'll even pay for surgery for you! I'll support you through everything!"

"I'll take that as an I love you"

"Oh right... I love you, Bunny."

"I love you too, kitten..."

Jungkook:

"Babe? My makeup artist is sick, and i need to do my own makeup for the shoot today. Can i practise on you today?" His eyes glistened in the mirror lights, brushes scattered all over the table. You were never a fan of makeup because it always made you look too female for your liking. But you can never say no to those puppydog eyes.

"As long as i can wear it to my party. We don't have much time to take it off"

"Of course babe!" Almost instantly, makeup is splashed all over your face. He turns you around so he can work slightly better. He's very light with the brushwork, clearly not doing anything extreme.

By the end of it, his legs and arms are covered in powder and cream. He was never tidy when doing anything... before you can turn around to see yourself in the mirror, he grabs you and forces you to wear a sports bra. At least, that's what you thought it was. The bra seemed to be quite tight, and made your chest almost completely disappear. Was... was it a binder?

He shoves a suit onto you and messes up your hair a little. He pulls you out the room and into the bedroom where a messive full body mirror stood, proudly displaying the cutest gay couple you had ever seen.

Wait. Gay...

The makeup. It made you look more masculine, defining a more sharp jawline. The binder completely blocked out your chest and the suit cancelled out your curves. You smile. "I look like a guy."

"Yeah... A cute one too." He takes your hand. "... You know... I love you. No matter if you were a boy or a girl." That's when it hits you. Kookie knew. Jeon Jungkook, that sly son of a bitch, knew this whole time. And he planned this.

"I need to go get dressed. But sit tight. I want to introduce everyone to my handsome boyfriend"

Hoseok:

"... What are these?" Hobi picks up a small bottle of pills from inside your bag. The pills in the bottle rattle about like the fears inside your body clawing away. He tilts his head as he reads the label on the side "Testosterone...? Babe, why do you need that?" Your brain warps and shifts words in your head in a desperate attempt to explain the hormones in your bag.

"I.. uh... You love me, right?" He nods, a soft smile glows on his face. What a ray of sunshine.... "... I'm transgender. I've only just started hormone therapy. I wanted to tell you, but I was too scared you would reject me..."

Instantly, arms fling around you, his grip tight as he mutters sweet nothings under his breath about how you're perfect and he loves you no matter what. He springs back and places the tablets in your hands.

"Here! Take them! Do you need a binder? I'll get you that too! We can go shopping to get you more clothes!" You try to explain that you don't mind and that he doesn't need to pay for everything, but the rays of sunlight coming off of his bright smile paralise your option to say no. You can't help it. He is always so willing to help, even though half the time he has no idea what he's doing and why it helps. He just wants you to be happy.

"I promise you, I'll help you be the best man alive!"

Taehyung:

The internet is an open door to all sorts of knowledge about the LGBT+ community. From "how to bind" to "How to get a 3D beard," Transgender people have many more chances to express themselves a lot easier than ever before. However, the problem lies when you forget to clear your history and your boyfriend wants to learn "How to get a 3D printer." The things he looks up sometimes...

You start to wonder why Tae has been on the laptop for so long, a constant look of confusion plastered on his adorbale face. "What's wrong, Teddybear?" He looks up and smiles.

"How many genders are there? What about Gender-non-conforming? Or non-bina-" You place your finger on Tae's lips, hushing him.

"These are all complicated for someone who is just learning about things outside male and female. Let's start with Trans. I'm Trans. I was born a female, but I identify as Male and I know that I am actually male." You smile, confident in how you came out. "That makes me your boyfriend!"

His expression stays the same but slowly his mouth growns into a grin. He tackles you in a massive hug.

"I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! Teddy bear will make dinner tonight. You just sit tight and be a cute ass man."

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permanent-rose · 6 years

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Alphabet tag

I was tagged by @the-celestial-princesss

A - Age: 16

B - Birthplace: NZ

C - Current time: 9;13 pm

D - Drink you last had: Pomegranate cordial

E - Easiest person to talk to: My gf

F - Favourite song: Currently it’s For Elise by Saint Motel

G - Grossest memory: Probably when I got an infected sand fly bite when I was eight

H - Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw

I - In love: Hella

J - Jealous of people: Constanly (I copied @the-celestial-princesss ‘s post and changed the responses but I saw this and was like ‘bitch me too, the fuck’

K - Killed someone: No, I am scared of the Disney movie Enchanted, I could never kill someone

L - Love at first sight: Nah..? It took be a good few months to fall for my gf but like idk maybe one day??

M - Middle name: Isabella Florence

N - Number of siblings: 0, thank god honestly

O - One wish: I just wanna be happy and out to my parents.

P - Place you want to live: Brighton, England. Or somewhere similar, it’s the gay capital and I have wanted to live in England forever

R - Reason to smile: People I care about (this is adorable and so true so I’m keeping it (thanks Anna)

S - Song I last sang: Apex Predator from Mean Girls the Musical

T - Time I woke up: 9:30 approx?

U - Underwear colour: Blue

V - Vacation destination: Really want to go somewhere in Asia

W - Worst habit: Spiralling in situations that don’t require spiralling

X - X-rays: Yep, when I was one i fell down fourteen stairs and hit my head on each one, I was apparently fine though

Y - Your favourite food: Peanut butter chocolate

Z - Zodiac: Cancer

Yo @trans-ladyflame (an irl pal) and some mutuals I want to get to know better @jakesorangesoda @princessroot @nypd-rosadiaz

#I have never done a tag like this before #in my three years of tumblr #can you believe

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swampthot · 6 years

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i was tagged by @gays-in-stem n a few others

Rules : answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to know better.

(B)irthplace : montana

(C )urrent Time : 8:03 PM

(D)rink You Had Last : water

(E)asiet Person To Talk To : mimi havent known u that long but i known u my whole lifeeee chica (also like most of my friends its so hard pickin just one)

(F)avorite Song : your woman by white town

(G)rossest Memory : watching pacific rim uprising

(H)ogwarts House : i took the quiz a bucnh of times n got a different result based on my mood

(I)n Love? : im like constanlty in love w 10 diff ppl

(J)ealous Of People? : oh constantly today i was jealous of a bitch i saw drinking a latte i was like god i wish that were me

(K)illed Someone? : ive killed every plant ive ever owned except fuckhands mcmike

(L)ove At First Sight or Walk By Again? : walk by again. EVERY TIME i fall in love w someone it just hits me like a ton of bricks n im like o

(M)iddle Name : marcus . n if you like live to make fun of trans dudes names no i didnt pick it myself lol

(O)ne Wish : i want o be loved

(P)erson You Last Called : mimi

(Q)uestions You’re Asked The Most : likeeee gender . gender questions. always

(R )easons To Smile : my group chat. also charmac. iced coffee. john darnielle.

(S)ong You Last Sang : hey fuck you by the beastie boys

(T)ime You Woke Up : 8

(U)nderwear Color : black

(V)acation Destination : the uk

(W)orst Habit : overeating or undereating

(X)-rays? : never

(Y)our Favorite Food : pasta

(Z)odiac Sign : aquarius

I tag @dancingvoid @communist-rave-party @exclusivelygae @homeofsexywhale @newtonbiwork And anyone else who wants to do it

#abt #game

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kairuy · 7 years

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DIVERSITY IN SEATTLE THEATRE, SEPT/OCT 2017

Here we go.

1. The Earth Shakes, HERON Ensemble, Samantha Cooper, dir. Linnea Ingalls. If I remember correctly, this play is loosely based on Antony and Cleopatra; it is diversely-cast, and as is characteristic of this ensemble - they inhabit that word to its fullest definition – the cast switches characters between scenes, like a relay race that crosses all boundaries of race and gender.

2. The Who and the What, ArtsWest, Ayad Akhtar, dir. Samip Raval. Race-specific. This play is about a Pakistani father and his American-born daughters. I don’t think the actors were necessarily Pakistani; I believe they did a lot of work with Pratidhwani - who co-produced - and with Pakistani consultants to achieve more of a cultural understanding of the characters beyond what is merely in the script.

3. The Odyssey, Seattle Rep, Todd Almond and Lear deBessonnet, dir. Marya Sea Kaminski. Diversely-cast, across race, across gender, across age, across ability, pulling a cast of a hundred (or so it felt) from all over Seattle, led by a handful of professional actors.

4. Why We Have A Body, Strawberry Theatre Workshop, Claire Chafee, dir. Rhonda Soikowski. White or white-presenting, as far as I can tell.

5. Dragon Lady, Intiman, Sara Porkalob, dir. Andrew Russell. Holy mother of god. I have seen this in one form or another at least five times. I could see it another five times. This is about identity, about family, about pride, about strength, about poverty, about pain, about the damage you can do in ways that cross generations, about how you don’t know you’re repeating past mistakes - your own and those of others - until you’ve made them, about how you don’t know what it will take to break a cycle until you’ve broken it.

6. Teh Internet is Serious Business, WET, Tim Price, dir. Wayne Rawley. As far as I can tell, both race-specific and non-race-specific, and casted accordingly.

7. Blues for Mister Charlie, The Williams Project, James Baldwin, dir. Ryan Guzzo Purcell. Race-specific, casted accordingly. Flawless. This is one of my favorite plays of all time. James Baldwin’s writing is diamond-sharp and so relevant it makes you feel like you are on fire. Loosely based on the murder of Emmett Till, it is dedicated to Medgar Evers, his widow and children, and “to the memory of the dead children of Birmingham.” It broke my heart every time Richard, the man whose murder at the beginning of the play sets everything in motion, calls his father Meridian “daddy.”

8. Life: An Adaptation an Adaptation, Filament Collab Lab, Nathan Brockett, dir. Nathan Brockett/choreo. Sophia Franzella. As far as I can tell, white or white-presenting.

9. Gemini Season (reading), NCTC Pipeline, Nelle Tankus, dir. Emily Harvey. This is a play about a trans woman and most likely should be and was casted accordingly.

10. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Book-It, Myra Platt/Malika Oyetimein/Maya Angelou, dir. Malika Oyetimein. Race-specific, casted accordingly. The white characters in this story – there are necessarily white characters in this story – are played by the black ensemble, who drew white gloves over their hands to signify their character’s whiteness. This sent a shiver up my spine.

11. King of the Yees, ACT, Lauren Yee, dir. Desdemona Chiang. Race-specific – that is, Asian – and casted accordingly. This is a Chinese-American story. Whether the actors are Chinese-American or not isn’t necessarily important to me. They were hilarious as fuck. I cried laughing. Ray Tagavilla is one of my favorite people on the planet.

12. Journey of the Saint (reading), eSe Teatro, Cesar de Maria, dir. Rose Cano, race-specific and casted accordingly.

13. Onerus, Café Nordo, Terry Podgorski, dir. Erin Brindley. Diversely-cast, as they usually do.

14. Julius Caesar, Seattle Shakes, William Shakespeare, dir. George Mount. Diversely-cast.

15. Burning Doors, OTB/Belarus Free Theatre with Marya Alyokhina, dir. Nicolai Khalezin/Natalia Kaliada. White, or white-presenting, that is, Russian.

16. Las Mariposas y Los Muertos, Forward Flux, Benjamin Benne, dir. Pilar O’Connell. Race-specific, casted accordingly.

17. No More Sad Things, Forward Flux, Hansol Jung, dir. Wesley Fruge. Diversely-cast.

18. Sycorax, 18th/Union, Y York, dir. Mark Lutwak. Race-specific solo work, casted accordingly. I could listen to Demene Hall forever. This is a play that is, on the surface, about Sycorax, the mother of Caliban, who is mentioned in The Tempest but does not appear. Actually this is about the pain of blackness, as a child, as a girl, as a woman, as a lover, as a mother. This is a play about innocence and love and betrayal.

19. Go Dog Go! SCT, Allison Gregory/Steven Dietz, dir. Allison Gregory/Steven Dietz. Diversely-cast. Well, I mean, they’re playing DOGS. By the way, this show is aimed at small children.

20. Pride and Prejudice, Seattle Rep, Kate Hamill, dir. Amanda Dehnert. Diversely-cast.

21. The World of Extreme Happiness, SPT, Frances Ya-Chu Cowhig, dir. Desdemona Chiang. Race-specific, that is, Asian, casted accordingly. Again, don’t ask me about whether the actors are Chinese or not, or half-white or not. That’s not something I care about at all. This one hurts my heart, for reasons I have discussed elsewhere, and I love it.

22. Beware the Terror of Gaylord Manor, ACT, BenDeLaCreme. Diversely-cast. I mean, it’s a drag burlesque cabaret, basically.

23. Ragtime, 5th Ave, Terrence McNally/Stephen Flaherty/Lynn Ahrens, dir. Peter Rothstein. Race-specific, casted accordingly. I might have side-eyed the Wealthy White Savior Lady plot line a tiny bit.

24. Coriolanus: Fight Like a Bitch, Rebel Kat, William Shakespeare/Katherine Jett, dir. Emily Penick. All-female Shakespeare, pronouns changed, diversely-cast. Holy crap, this was stunning.

25. Happy, Happy, Happy, Macha, Jenn Ruzumna/Lisa Every, dir. Amy Poisson. White or white-presenting.

26. The Crucible, ACT, Arthur Miller, dir. John Langs. Diversely-cast. The only race-specific bit was the casting of Tituba, who appears in the beginning and then disappears. I read today that Langs had originally cast Shermona Mitchell as both Tituba and Judge Hathorne, but could not overcome the restrictions of the Miller estate. At the last minute, Reginald André Jackson was added to the cast as Hathorne. This had to be devastating. Also devastating was watching the scene where Mary Warren confronts Abigail Williams in court. To watch a room of people believe a lying white girl (Abigail) over a trying-to-do-the-right-thing black girl (Mary) reminded me of a line from James Baldwin’s Blues for Mister Charlie: “You can’t call a white woman a liar, even if you’re a white man.”

27. Last Stop on Lilac Street, Annex, Kelleen Conway Blanchard, dir. Keira McDonald. Mostly white or white-presenting, except for Alaji. Maybe I should stop calling plays “diversely-cast” if they have only one actor of color. Argh, do I need to scroll back through the last 10 months and re-edit everything?

28. Burn This, Theatre22, Lanford Wilson, dir. Corey McDaniel. Diversely-cast. Well, I mean, again that thing where you have one actor of color and everyone else white or white-presenting. What should my cutoff be? 25%? 40%? 10%?

29. Mirror-Mirror (reading), Pork-Filled Productions, Lamar Legend, dir. Aaron Jin. Diversely-cast. This is part of a weeklong series of readings of new plays by playwrights of color, dramaturged and directed and performed mostly by artists of color, presented by Pork-Filled Productions, running at Theatre Off Jackson through Saturday.

30. Sings the Hits, Theatre22, Scotto Moore, dir. Katie McKellar. Diversely-cast.

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demiboypercyjackson · 7 years

Note

Please consider: trans will freaking out and giving a younger camper a long lecture after they come into the infirmary with bruised/cracked ribs from binding with ace bandages and after that incident you can get free binders at the infirmary if you need it

Will Solace had seen a lot of things in his days as head medic of Camp Half Blood, head surgeon on the battlefield, and head counselor of the Apollo cabin. A lot of those things had scared him, had scarred him, and had left him gasping for breath afterwards, waking from night terrors that shook him awake to stare at the moon as if asking for guidance. Most of these things included the sinew-y stubs of missing limbs, bloodied wounds left by claws and teeth, or insides that were, decidedly, no longer insides; things like that. There were other things, too, that shook him - these for an entirely different reason.

There were other things, too, that hit far too close to home.

To set the scene: it was a relatively quiet day. There hadn’t been any new campers for a few weeks now, so there were less newbies getting injured trying to “climb the totem pole” and impress people. No one had come back from any quests recently and likely wouldn’t for a week yet at least. There’d only been a handful minor injuries so far for the day. Younger campers coming in with scratched knees or aching tummies had been the most of Will’s worries for the majority of the morning and he was rather glad for it.

At least, until Mateo Herrera came into the infirmary.

Now, Mateo; he was a good kid. Mateo, in fact, was a very good kid and very rarely ended up in the infirmary. Mostly, Will knew him from the few times Austin could manage to drag his older brother to his music classes. Mateo played the trombone and was very good at it for a beginner. Will respected that. By Kayla’s descriptions, he was also quite good at archery - it was almost uncanny, in fact, how close the two sharp-shooters were in ability, despite Mateo being much newer to the craft.

Distantly, Will wondered when Apollo would hurry up and claim the boy. He was unclaimed and had been for the six months he’d been at camp. Surely it wouldn’t be much longer, right?

This was what Will thought often in regards to the younger boy, but was definitely far from his thoughts when Mateo whispered his reason for being there.

“Will,” said Mateo, his whisper fear-filled and a bit too loud. “My chest has been hurting and I think I know why.”

Normally, Will would chalk it up to growing pains, give dear Matty-boy an aspirin or something, and send him on his way out, but the way Mateo was holding himself seemed more serious. He was obviously very sore and seemed to have difficulty breathing comfortably.

“Why’s that, Mr. Herrera?” Will said as nicely as he could (though Nico told him often that his bedside manner when he was in “Doctor Mode” was oftentimes absolutely dreadful and usually hilariously so).

Mateo’s dark brown eyes looked down at his red and black sneakers, his weight shifting from his left side to his right. He looked up at Will in embarrassment, taking a hand up to smooth the dark curls growing out of his head. “Well,” he said. “I have kind of a... body issue. And the way I take care of it makes it ache.”

Will nodded seriously, hoping distantly that his eyes conveyed kindness. “What is this issue, Mateo?”

He coughed, which quickly died and turned into a wince, accompanied by a slight wince. Mateo admitted with difficulty, “I have breasts. And I... bandage them to make them less noticeable b-but-”

“Wait,” Will’s eyes grew wide and he knew he was showing a bit of teeth, but he couldn’t help himself. The look on his face was undoubtedly the same expression he’d made many an occasion - occasions such as, for example, the first time Austin said “bitch” and the first time Kayla admitted that she kind of wanted to join the Hunters of Artemis (but that was a story for a different time). It was a look of disappointment - the shocked, protectively angry kind of disappointment. “Bandage, you said?”

Face full of shame, Mateo nodded. “Yeah, ace bandages. They aren’t that good but they can make you pretty flat-”

Will put down the clipboard he’d been holding as carefully as he could. Without meaning to, he’d begun to grip it so hard that his knuckles had turned white and since he didn’t want to break it, it seemed wiser this way. “Mr. Herrera, will you follow me to the back? I’d like you to take those bandages off for a quick x-ray. This may be urgent.”

Mateo nodded, visibly sweating. “Okay,” his voice shook. “Yeah, no problem.”

In a few minutes time, Mateo had taken the x-rays, and seemed very glad to be out of the ace bandages, though Will could see those lines setting into the younger boy’s face that seemed to spell one thing, a thing Will knew very well; dysphoria. Will knew it wouldn’t be easy for poor Mateo, but he had to put his foot down.

“No more binding.” Will demanded. Mateo opened his mouth to protest but the blond shook his golden-haired head. “No. No buts and no whats. I’m the doctor and I say no binding, at least for a while. Ace bandages are not okay, Matty.”

Mateo looked down at his feet again, examined the light reflecting off of the three remaining aglets. His eyes shined too, only with tears.

Will sighed, his heart maybe breaking a little. “Mateo... I understand, okay? But there are better ways. Safer ways. Your ribs aren’t like normal bones. Those bandages can squeeze them all wrong, break them even. You seem to be mostly alright, luckily, it was smart of you to come to me, but... I’ll check the x-ray just to be sure.”

Mateo nodded. He rubbed at his eye with the heel of his hand and sniffled. “Thanks. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Will said. “Be safer. I’m gonna have to ask you not to bind for at least a week. But, don’t worry. I won’t bind either. You won’t be alone in this.”

Mateo made a face, confused. “Wait, I don’t understand. What do you mean you won’t either?”

“I’m trans, too, Matty-man.” Will shrugged. “I don’t really hide it. But, after all this, I can help you get a real binder too. You’re a bigger size than me,” Will was a bean pole of a boy and Mateo was much shorter and a bit chubby. He’d definitely need a bigger size - Will was already theorizing his measurements, which, once he realized he was, was a bit creepy. “So I can’t lend you one of mine, but we can get them here easily enough.”

“How?”

Will shrugged again. “Mr. D is the genderfluid patron god of transgender and gender non-conforming individuals. I’m always surprised more people don’t know that.”

Mateo smiled for the first time since he’d walked into the infirmary. “Wait, really?”

Will nodded. “Yup. I would be, except I’m not genderfluid and also about a gazillion years too late.” Mateo laughed, so Will continued. “Some sweet benefits, though, right?” Giggling quietly, Mateo nodded in agreement, and Will let himself relax a bit.

It had been a long time since Will was in Mateo’s shoes, and had definitely been lucky to have Cecil’s mother, who was and always would be PFLAG to the grave and had immediately done everything she could to help this baby she had taken in, to help this boy she’d barely known be true to himself and to the people around him. As soon as Will had begun to have noticeable... unwanted developments, he’d gotten his first binder - a simple black tank that had meant the world to him. It was too small now, but he still had it. Sentimental value and all that.

If Mateo had been able to fit it, however, Will would’ve handed it over. No one had told him that ace bandages were bad, it was obvious. No one had helped him cut his hair, which was a mess of curls cut at short but varying lengths once you saw it up close. No one had helped Mateo be Mateo. And Will would do anything to give this kid the same kind of influence that his mama - and he would always call her that, Mama - had given him.

“Wait,” Mateo murmured. “You mean that? You won’t bind either?”

Will shook his head. “Nope. Think of it like... a blood pact. Except, instead of blood, it’s boobs. A boob pact.”

Mateo bit his lip to keep from laughing. “A boob pact?”

Solemn as he knew how to be, Will nodded. “A boob pact. A sacred bond between trans brothers. If you have to free ball it, then I will too.”

It was a moment that passed, in near silence, a kind of special care in the air between them, before Mateo tentatively smiled. “Thank you, Will.”

And Will smiled. “Of course, bud. Now.... Let’s take a look at those x-rays, huh? And then we can talk colors for your binder.”

“I like red.”

“Red is definitely your color. Absolutely yes.”

Maybe this encounter with Mr. Herrera wouldn’t wake Will in the dead of night, shaking. Making it wouldn’t bug him too terribly in daylight hours, even - the problem was solved, after all. But, when he would lay down for the night, pajamas warm and clean, blanket soft, pillows fluffed and cool, Will would be unable to close his eyes. He’d be stuck thinking of every home like Mateo’s, every home like the one Will had grown up in - if you could call those things homes. Every place and every transgender child with a sad face and a lie on their nametag. These are the things that stain his evening thoughts, that remind him of days long past. Things are better now, he tells himself. I’m safe now. I can help kids in ways more important than even I realize. Sometimes, it helps him sleep. The look on Mateo’s face when he sees his first binder... it helps. The look on Mama’s face when he tosses a golden drachma into a spray of rainbow mist just before bed, the yell of happy surprise when she notices the call... it helps.

But there is still work to be done.

sorry this got super weird and dark aksjda ive been having Thoughts and i wanted to add them here. to lgbt, mogai, or otherwise queer people struggling with accepting their identity - it may not always seem like it, but its does get better. maybe not all at once or all the time, but please, take it one day at a time. remember the people that come after us too. we have to survive. for people like us, we have to survive. keep the legacy alive, keep fighting for a better future, so people like us, so kids like mateo here don’t have to fight quite so hard. and for the love of god don’t bind with ace bandages and don’t double bind!!!!!!! be safe out there, you dorks! - mod will

#long post #trans will solace #will solace #pjo oc #pjo fic #percy jackson #my fic #fic rec #mod will #iris message #eviduso

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beepy-sheep · 7 years

Text

Voltron High School AU

Partially based off experiences from a Texas school system I've been working on this for while, but I'd like people's input, and questions might give me more ideas. Let me know what you think! Keith -sophomore -southern gay -in FFA -raises a goat named Mothman -favorite subjects are English and Science -accent gets more pronounced when he's angry or yelling -Looks skinny and weak but can carry a 50 pound bag of feed no problem -Seriously where is this strength coming from, he's like 115 pounds -Has glasses but refuses to wear them -Always sits at the front because he can't fucking see -draws in his free time -lots of goats and cryptids -likes to read Isaac Asimov and the novel versions of Doctor Who -has accidentally brought his knife to school multiple times -At this point the principal just calls in Shiro as his guardian because they don't want to bother Ms. Shirogane again -fixed up and drives a red 1997 honda rebel 250 -the rumor mill has huge debates over the mysterious Keith Kogane and whether he is the leather-clad bad boy or the awkward dork -he is in fact, both -“I swear to God Rebecca, I saw him wear glasses, total nerd frames too.” “I won't believe it until I get evidence Jackie.” Lance -sophomore -flaming bisexual -in band -plays saxophone -plays guitar in jazz band -favorite subject is Math -ADHD, hates English -calls Pidge anything that starts with a P other than Pidge -”Hey Parsnip” “What's up Panic! At The Computer Lab” “Sweet little Pineapple you gentle soul.” -”I got this guys I watched a tutorial on YouTube” -He does not got this -has a blue sphynx cat named Blue -loves pampering his baby -knits her sweaters Shiro -senior -pan with a plan -loves his small boyfriend and his memes -in ROTC -ROTC program is based off the Air Force -also in band -saxophone DI -Would probably be a drum major if he wasn't in ROTC -Saxophone Dad™ -”Lance please stop playing Careless Whisper… that's my song” -Only knows Japanese because he's a weeb -his mom can speak Japanese but he never bothered to learn until he realized he could watch anime without subs -A real overachiever, but once his work is done he's the laziest bitch ever -”Keith… Keith can you pick up my bag of chips I dropped them.” “On the floor right next to you, get ‘em yourself.” -AP and Tired™ -cries over Neon Genesis Evangelion Pidge -freshman -ace that likes space -taking some sophomore classes -skipped a grade -in Comp Sci club -”Guys look I made an app that shows you what you'd look like as a cat” -always brings coffee to school -wears a very oversized green hoodie with an alien on it Hunk -junior -in robotics club -in band -plays the trombone -terrified of doing trombone suicides -the rest of the section spoils him because they feel bad that the ray of sunshine has to deal with them. -you know how trombones are -loves the lunch ladies but despises the food Allura -senior -on the varsity football team -extremely popular, but very nice -can lift both Holt siblings above her head -friends with Shiro since 6th grade Matt -senior -really gay -loves his large strong boyfriend -library aide -the entire science department claims him as their son -ping pong enthusiast -Goes to all of Shiro’s marching competitions and screams “THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND” from the stands every time Coran -Allura’s godfather -sponsor for the Trivia Club -biology teacher Shay -junior -trans girl -friends with Keith through FFA -basically the frowny quiet and the smiley quiet being quiet together -raises rabbits -they always have matching names -Inky, Pinky, Blinky, Clyde, and Pac -Erie, Huron, Michigan, Ontario, and Superior -hardcore believer of the circle of life Sam Holt -works in research and development at the Garrison -recommended Shiro to be a test subject for neurally linked prosthetics -He goes in once a month for a checkup -The scientists are ecstatic that Shiro plays sax, it’s wonderful for mobility testing -They all came to know each other through Trivia Club -Pidge and Keith met in the library -Keith saw the alien on their hoodie and they struck up a conversation K“Nice jacket.” P“Thanks.” K“...” P“...” K”So.. did you see the commercial for that new documentary?” P*slams hands on table* “Thank God you're not a fucking normie, and you bet your ass I did. Hit me with your opinions weirdo, I've been lacking fresh material.” K”One word, Atlantis.” P”...Go on.” -Flashforward to a week later and they commandeer the projector in the library and violently play one v one Kahoot trivia quizzes -”You think you know more useless facts than me?” “I know I know more useless facts than you.” “Bring it on bitch.” -Kahoot nicknames: Rat Sandwich and What In Gay Asian (they're a work in progress) -”Our friendship is like sharknado, it looks crazy, and makes no sense.” -Hunk and Pidge met through the tech clubs -The Robotics and Comp Sci clubs are small so they meet in the same room and help each other out -Pidge mentioned the trivia battles and Hunk thought it sounded fun -So Keith and Pidge formed the club -Coran felt honored the be considered for sponsorship -Hunk and Lance are childhood friends -Lance was dragged by Hunk to the first meeting -”You want me to stay after school, on a Friday, for trivia?” “Yes, Pidge is cool, it'll be fun.” “Fiiiiiiine” -Shiro wanted to support his brother and Matt is a dork -Allura wanted try something new -Keith invited Shay, who was excited to meet Keith's friends -”You are nice, so they must be nice too!” “Well I don't know 3 of them, but Pidge says they're cool.” H ”Oh hey Shiro I didn't know you heard about the club.” S “Well-” L “SAX DADDY” S “Hey Lance, I see you don't have your case with you.” L “I don't need to practice.” S “Sure buddy.” M “Sax Daddy?” S “Don't worry about it.” L”Oh my god, you're Matt! Shiro talks about you all the time.” M “Only good things I hope.” L “I've never heard someone describe the destruction of a science room so lovingly. So much destruction from such a small body.” M “You should meet my sister.” P*pops out from under a desk* “You accidentally make a bomb one time and they never let it go.” H “Hi Pidge!” L *startled by the floor gremlin * “Holy Crap!” --------- K “Shiro I'm going home with Pidge, we're having a movie night.” S “Are you spending the night?” K “Eh, probably.” M “Now that the kids are out of one of the houses I can make sweet, steamy love to my boyfriend.” S “Matt oh my god.” P “At least drop us off first.” M “It was a joke, kids these days… obviously we're going to 50 Shades and chill.” S “Just the chill part, I beg you, the literal definition.” M “if you insist.” -A rumor starts spreading that the Trivia Club is just a cover for a GSA because of how many queer people are in it -lots of out of context mentions of Mothman (the goat) for shits and giggles -”Hey Keith, how's Mothman?” -Pidge and Matt switched places the whole day for April Fools -Matt forgot there was a test that day and Pidge aced it for him -Keith and Shiro are half-brothers -Keith’s still an orphan, but he lives with Shiro and Shiro’s mom -Lance ripped his pants in middle school and Hunk made a pact to never forget about it, and mention it at graduation and Lance’s wedding. -”Hey guys remember the time Lance ripped his pants.” “Good times.”

#voltron #voltron au #high school au #keith kogane #lance mcclain #pidge gunderson #katie holt #matt holt #takashi shirogane #shiro #sam holt

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