#had to do an oral presentation for my english class last week

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling the teacher I made a group project all by myself which made my classmates get a worse grade?

Background: im 16F and in eleventh grade, im in a new school which is only for eleventh and twelfth grade. So my whole class was all people who didn’t know each other. This happened in the first few weeks of school. Also english isnt my first language and I’m a very shy person.

We got the task from our English teacher in our first English lesson to make a presentation and poster. She choose our groups and we just sat together for like two minutes and then the lesson was over and I completely forgot who I was in a group with because I didn’t yet know anyone’s names. We had to do the presentation three weeks later so I figured in that time someone else would reach out to the group so I don’t really need to know who was in my group.

No one else reached out for a week and the teacher was sick for the next week so I couldn’t ask her who was in my group. So we now only have less than two weeks left to do the project.

I send a message in the class group chat asking who’s in my group. No one answers. A few hours later i send a message again and no one answers again.

So I decide, ok, im just gonna start this by myself and the others can help later I guess. So I get a big piece of paper, do some research, print pictures etc… I also message the group chat with pictures of what I’m doing.

We are now at the weekend before the presentation is supposed to be on Thursday and I still don’t know who’s in my group. A different classmate sends a message in the group chat to ask who’s in her group, and someone replies to her with some names, including MY name.

So I finally know my group and I make a group chat with just us and ask them about ideas and if they could maybe write some texts for the poster and what part of the presentation they want to do. No one answers. I keep doing the poster alone and send pictures. I don’t get more back than „looks good“ and „👍“.

Now we’re at the day before the presentation. I have a finished poster and I’m writing the last part of the text while sitting at the kitchen table. My sister is sitting there too and doing homework. I’m complaining about how I did the whole thing by myself and the others completely ignored my messages. She says I should just say to the teacher that I did it all alone. I don’t really want to do that, but frustrated as I am I write on the back of the poster „100% (my name)‘s work“, kinda as a joke, and actually planning to erase it later, but I forget to erase it.

It’s Thursday, we do our presentation as the last group before the break. The others read the texts I wrote. We don’t get our grades told yet but it’s not a bad presentation.

After the lesson we change rooms and I stay behind for some reason I don’t remember, when the teacher wants to talk to me because she saw that writing on the back of the poster and she asks if I really did the poster by myself. I say yes because it’s true and it literally is written there so how am I supposed to lie. She also notices that the texts everyone read (she collected those too) are all in my hand writing. So it’s clear to her I did the whole thing alone.

A week later we get told what grades we got. I have a 1 (best grade) while the other group members have a 4 (barely passing). They ask why and the teacher says they would have gotten a 6 (worst grade) but they at least did the oral presentation. She explains that I told her I prepared the presentation all alone, and then not just my group but the whole class erupted and called me an asshole and worse things until I actually started to cry and no one talked to me for weeks. The other people in my group said to the teacher and the class that I told them I wanted to do the project alone, which I didn’t, but maybe it seemed like that because I had already started it when I found out who was in my group?

My family said everyone else was an AH for making me do all the work and stuff. But I’m not sure because of that giant negative reaction that not just the people involved, but also the rest of the class had. I‘m quite a solitary person and didn’t have friends in the school I went to before this one, and because of that I’ve always made group projects alone and don’t know the etiquette around them. I also do feel bad that they got a bad grade because of me, especially if they really thought I didn’t want help.

TDLR: I did a group project alone because my group ignored me. We did the presentation together, and I told the teacher that I made the poster and the content of the presentation alone. The teacher then gave the rest of my group a bad grade. My entire class insulted me until I cried when they found out. I don’t have good social skills so im not sure if I was right or wrong.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[samkiszkasfacialhair]

Amongst The Stars

Amongst the Stars (The Final Version)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka and Female Reader

Summary: A coming of age story about Jake Kiszka’s first love.

This is a one year anniversary republication of Amongst the Stars. This version includes revisions, edits, new cover art, deleted scenes, extras, and an alternative ending.

Warnings: Mentions and scenes of teenage drinking, marijuana use, sex, sexual situations, sexual acts, oral sex (m. receiving), the word slut, slut shaming, lack of eating and sleeping, vomiting, self hate, mentions of pregnancy.

Word Count: 50k

October 2013, Senior Year of High School:

“Project time!” your English teacher chimed out to the class. Groans and sighs erupted throughout the room. You didn’t mind though. School was school. Besides, English was your best subject. You’d always been relatively smart and once you got the hang of it, analyzing literature came easy to you. 

Your teacher explained the concept of the project and then continued with the instructions. 

“I’ll make it easier for you guys, I’ll allow you to work in pairs.” 

Everyone around the room started looking at each other. You exchanged looks with your best friend. You figured you’d work with her. 

“But I’m choosing the pairs,” he said in a somewhat sinister tone.

The groans and sighs from the class continued. You kissed working with your friend goodbye.

He started off on his list of names.

 “Jake Kiszka and,” he dragged out the “and” particularly long, “Y/N.” 

You knew it.

Jake wasn’t exactly the best student and since you were, it was an obvious pairing. You couldn’t blame your teacher for putting you two together. You looked at your friend from across the room and gave her a little frown. She returned the same face to you. 

You’ve known of Jake since you were little. Frankenmuth was a small town so everyone in your high school knew each other. Jake and his brother Josh were on your soccer team when you were seven. Josh was in your fourth grade class. You had a few classes with each of them here and there since middle school, but you never really cared too much about them. Josh was an absolute menace. He was a theater kid who did the morning announcements- pretty weird. Jake was always cooler, a little mysterious even. He had shaggy hair that perfectly covered his forehead and most of his eyes. You thought he was cute but you didn’t really have any reaction to having to work with him. It was what it was.

Class was dismissed and everyone was told to talk to their partners outside of class and have the project ready to present in exactly a week. You and Jake exchanged numbers and texted each other about when and where to meet. The two of you decided that you would go to his house to work on it. 

A few days later, Saturday:

Your mom dropped you off at Jake’s house at around 2 and you texted Jake that you were there. You and Jake planned to knock out the entire project in one day. It wouldn’t take long and you knew what you were doing, even if he didn’t. 

Jake opened the door and flashed you a smile as he greeted you. You walked into his house. It was cute. Very midwestern. Oak furniture was everywhere and pictures of his family lined the walls. You caught a glance at Jake’s school photos from throughout the years as well as his siblings’. 

He led into their dining room, which was attached to the kitchen, and you saw his school supplies sprawled out on the table.

“I share a room with my brothers so it’s probably best to work here,” he began. “But you’ll be happy to know that I actually read the book. Well I read most of it,” he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and looked down. “The last couple chapters started to confuse me so I just looked up the ending online.” 

You could tell he felt bad about not exactly knowing the ending of the book you had a project on. Kind of embarrassed even.

You let out a light laugh, “It’s okay, I made an outline of everything. I’ll explain it to you.” 

He exhaled a sigh of relief and smiled. 

You both sat down and got to work. You explained the parts he didn’t understand and as you did, he looked right into your eyes and nodded his head as he followed along with your words. Damn he was cute.

As you worked on the project, Jake showed that he understood and put in a lot of unexpected work and ideas. By the time you were done, it was a little after 4 o’clock and you were both satisfied with it. Your mom was set to pick you up closer to 5 so you had some extra time to spare.

“So, now that you taught me something, can I teach you something?” Jake asked, smiling at you secretively.

“Okay what did you have in mind?” You replied as you folded your arms and rested your elbows on the table.

“Follow me.” 

He got up with you following behind him and stopped when he got to a door leading out of the kitchen. He looked back at you with his hand gripping the doorknob.

“I don’t know if you know this, but I play guitar. My brothers and I, we kind of have a set up in here. Don’t laugh, okay?” he looked up at you through his hair like a little kid who was about to tell a big secret. 

You nodded your head as a silent promise that you wouldn’t laugh. He turned the knob and opened the door, biting his bottom lip nervously. His eyes watched you to see your reaction to his little secret.

It was a garage. But Jake’s family’s garage wasn’t an average garage. This garage was filled with music equipment. The concrete floor was covered in Persian rugs, wires, and extension cords. There were multiple amps, a drum kit, 2 keyboards in the corner, a bass, microphones on stands, and a red guitar that was propped up perfectly in the middle of it all. 

The walls were lined with the usual snow shovels, rakes, and tools. There were storage containers and cardboard boxes stacked up in the corners with labels. There was also a couch, TV, and refrigerator too, like it was an extra room in the Kiszka home- an organized mess. 

Your jaw dropped in awe. You had never seen anything like it before.

“Woah” you said as he let you walk in front of him. You looked around the room for a minute, silently taking it all in. 

You looked back at him as he nervously looked at you, breathing shallow, and playing with the skin around his finger nails.

“Soooo, what do you think?” he finally asked.

“This is really cool. You guys have a band or something?”

“Yeah, kind of. Josh sings, Sam picked up bass last year and he does the piano sometimes. Sam’s friend Danny just started on drums with us- he’s good.” 

He picked up the red guitar gently. 

“But this. This is my baby. This is what I want to teach you.”

You reached out to touch it, it was smooth but cold from being in a not well heated garage in the middle of a Michigan October. He put his hand over yours as your fingers glided along the neck of the guitar and as he did, you sucked in a breath. 

You could feel his eyes on you. You pulled your hand away from the contact and nervously put both your hands in your back pockets. You looked down at the ground as Jake put the guitar back on the stand and knelt down to open a black case.

“Now, before you can play that one, you have to get the basics down. At least that’s what my dad told me.” 

He pulled out an acoustic guitar and sat down on the carpet with it in his lap; legs open, bent at the knees. He smiled and motioned with his head for you to sit down with him. 

“C’mere you can hold it,” he said.

You sat down in between his legs and he lifted the guitar over your head and onto your lap. He scooted himself closer to you. You felt his warm chest against your back. He grabbed your wrists gently and placed the left one to wrap around the neck with a “One hand here,” and the right one on the side of the body with “and here.”

He placed his chin over your left shoulder, resting it there lightly. You could feel his breath on you. He smelled amazing, a little cologne smell. Not too strong. Just the right amount. Your heart started beating a little quicker as you felt the insides of his thighs lightly touch the outsides of yours. 

He reached to the table next to him and grabbed a little black pick and put it between your fingers. Jake took your left hand and moved your fingers where he wanted them to be on the strings. He took your right hand in his hand and moved it with his to strum, letting the sound of a chord fill the room. You looked back at him, smiling.

“Pretty,” you said as you turned your neck around to look at him. 

There was a pause before Jake spoke.

“Yeah. Pretty,” he said quietly with his soft raspy voice almost in a whisper, as his eyes darted all over your face.

You turned your head back around, fighting back a smile so that he wouldn’t see. Your heart was fluttering. You had instant butterflies in your stomach. Who would’ve thought Jake Kiszka of all people would be making you feel this way? 

You had to admit, you’d always thought he was a little cute but he never seemed to have much going for him in life. Or so you thought. 

Jake broke the silence after a few seconds by clearing his throat. “Um, okay so here’s another one.” 

He moved your fingers on the neck a little bit to show you another chord. 

He continued, “And these two you can go back and forth with easily when you get comfortable with them.”

He guided your fingers in place as you played the two chords. His right hand still held yours to guide the strumming. He let go gradually as he saw you were getting more comfortable with the placements. 

He let out a little chuckle, “That’s it. You got it.” 

His fingertips just lightly shadowed your hand, barely touching. 

With his head resting on your shoulder, you looked back at him again but this time- your face only an inch away from his. 

“You want to try on your own?” he asked. 

You nodded and he scooted back to give you space to get up. You got up and sat back down across from him. Both of you sat criss-crossed. He placed his elbows on his knees and his hands formed fists under his chin. His guitar rested on your lap and you put your hands and fingers where he showed you. You strummed the first note and looked at him. He was fully smiling with his teeth, waiting for you to do the next one. You went for the second one but your fingers missed a placement, so the chord came out wrong. Both of you let out a little laugh at the wrong note.

“Um,” you said, trying to remember where to put your fingers.

He got up on his knees, moved toward you, and adjusted your fingers to put them in the right place. 

“Try now,” he said, pulling his hands away but still kneeling in front of you.

You strummed and it came out perfect after his help. 

“Beautiful,” he said.

You look up from the guitar to see him looking at you. His teeth tugged at his bottom lip. Your eyes darted from his eyes, to his lips. They were little but they looked soft. You saw Jake’s eyes dart around your face and stop at your lips for longer than normal. 

He looked back at your eyes and asked, “Can I… Can I kiss you right now?”

His eyes turned soft and you could tell he was nervous by the way his breathing was hitching. 

You nodded your head and started to lean into him. He did the same and closed the gap between the two of you. The kiss was slow and soft but over way too soon.

You both opened your eyes and pulled away, searching for something to say or do to make this less awkward. He looked down and smiled to himself and then he looked back at you.

“Um-“ he started to say.

“Do it again,” you whispered.

Jake breathed out and took your chin in his hand. He pushed it up just a little and connected again. This kiss was longer, but still as soft as the first one. You both began to deepen the kiss- going for more of each other. His lips were warm and wet. His lips moved perfectly with yours and sucked you in. He moved his hand to the back of your neck, pulling you in closer.

All of a sudden the garage door swung open and your eyes met a younger boy standing in the doorway.

“Jake! Mom said dinner is rea- oh shit,” his eyes were wide and he started to close the door, leaving quickly. “Shit, I’m sorry!”

Jake breathed out heavily and pulled away from you. His face turned a shade of pink as his hands dropped to his sides. 

“That’s my little brother, Sam,” he explained as he got up from the floor. 

He reached for the guitar and you handed it to him. He put it back in the case and buckled it shut. Jake extended a hand and pulled you up to your feet. 

“Sorry about him. I don’t think anyone really knows you’re here,” he said, tucking his lips into his mouth as his cheeks returned to their normal color.

“Do you want to stay for dinner?” he asked, “my mom wouldn’t mind.”

You looked at your phone, “Thanks but it’s okay-  it’s 5 o’clock. My mom will be here any minute.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Jake said as he started to lead you back inside the house. 

As you entered the kitchen again, you saw the entire Kiszka family in the kitchen and dining room, all fixing and situating themselves for their family dinner.

“Uh you guys this is Y/N. We had a project for school,” Jake spoke, loudly, so they could all hear him over their conversations. They all stopped what they were doing to greet you. Josh waved at you, remembering you from his classes throughout the years.

“What kind of project?” Sam asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively and smiling.

“Shut up,” Jake replied sternly as his eyes shot daggers at Sam, silently letting him know he shouldn’t elaborate.

“Do you want to stay for dinner, Sweetie?” his mom asked as she placed a bowl of pasta on the table.

“Thank you but my mom is here. Smells really good though!” you replied as you followed Jake towards the front door. 

“Nice to meet you!” Sam called out and let out a cackle as Jake opened the front door and closed it behind the two of you.

It was dark outside, just past sunset. You saw your mom’s headlights in front of his house through the trees and bushes. 

“So, I’ll see you at school then?” Jake asked as he rocked back and forth on his toes with his hands in his front pockets. 

“Yeah, just don’t forget to bring the project file on Monday,” you said.

“I won’t. Thanks for helping me with it.”

“It’s not like I had a choice,” you laughed, “thanks for teaching me guitar.”

“Yeah,” he began, a slight smirk appeared on his face, “and I’ll talk to Sam. You know, tell him not to say anything.”

“It’s okay. It’ll happen to him one day.” 

You both laughed and he pulled you in for a hug. The warmth of his body heated you up instantly. He pressed his lips to your cheek softly. You pulled back from the hug, looked at him, and smiled.

“See you Monday,” you said as you walked down the driveway.

He waited for you to get in the car before he headed back inside. He turned around and smiled to himself while also getting ready to kill Sam.

November 2013:

A month had passed since the kiss. You and Jake have talked a bit here and there- mostly through texts. You would pass each other in the hallways with smiles and waves. Whenever his name popped up on your phone screen, you got butterflies. 

You liked him and you knew it. But you wouldn’t ever admit it. Besides, girls always liked Jake. You were probably nothing but a number to him. 

You were working on homework one Friday night when you got a text from him. 

5:47 pm: My parents and siblings just went out. Wanna come over?

Your heart skipped a beat. Every time he texted you, it was a casual, friendly message. But this seemed different. This seemed like an invitation for something else. It made you nervous. 

5:50 pm: Sure :)

That was all you could even think to say. You didn’t want to question him or have any other potential reply come off weird. Sure, this whole thing with Jake made you nervous, but you were also excited. 

5:50 pm: I can come pick you up if you want.

5:51 pm: Okay, see you soon.

You sent Jake your address and in 15 minutes, the headlights of a white Jeep shone through the darkness of the night. 

You told your mom  you were going out with a friend and she was surprisingly okay with that. You walked over to the car and he reached over to open the door from the inside. 

“You have your license?” you asked as you hopped inside.

“No. But I have a permit and a pretty girl in the passenger seat right now so as long as you don’t tell, I won’t,” he said with a smirk on his face.

You bit your lip and you looked down at your hands in your lap as he started the drive back to his house. 

As he reached the first red light, he looked over at you. You didn’t look back but you felt his eyes on you and you could see a small smile that he was trying to hold back appear on his lips out of the corner of your eye. You looked over at him and met his gaze. The stoplight illuminated his face and casted shadows over his nose and his tired, sunken in eyes. He was beautiful. His features were just a little more feminine than Josh’s, but also manly at the same time. He balanced the two perfectly. 

“You look really nice tonight,” he said quietly. 

You smiled at him and whispered, “Thanks.”

The light turned green and he turned his attention back to the road to continue driving. Occasionally, you caught him looking over to you to catch a glimpse. 

“Well, you look nice all the time. But tonight especially,” he corrected himself.

Instantly you felt your stomach flip at his words. Something about him complimenting you brought you back to that moment in his garage last month. It was how his words were just a bit hesitant and how his voice was just above a whisper. It reminded you that you were in fact going back to his house with him now. Alone.

“You look really nice tonight, too,” you replied. 

“I try,” he replied jokingly.

He moved his hand onto the center console and tapped his fingers to the song on the radio as he drove. You looked at his fingers tapping. The veins at the top of his hand protruded as his fingers moved. 

You remembered the way his hand felt on top of yours while holding his guitar. His hands were rough and calloused from the guitar playing. But they were gentle at the same time. Again, perfectly balanced. 

The sound of his voice speaking brought you out of the daydream you were having.

“Your Touch,” he said.

“Hm?” 

“The song,” he said softly, “Your Touch, by The Black Keys.”

“Oh,” you replied as casually as possible, “You, uh, you like them?”

“Yeah,” he answered, “One of my favorites. You ever listen to ‘em?” 

You shook your head.

“No?” He responded as he looked over at you and raised his eyebrows, “Hm. Good to know.”

He held back a smile and turned his attention back to the road.  

You couldn’t begin to explain how or why but in that moment, something took over you. It was almost like Jake was a magnetic force, pulling you in.

You slid your hand on top of his softly and stopped his fingers from moving. You held his hand there for a moment, not really sure what to do next. He flipped his hand over so his palm was up and he wrapped his fingers around yours. He rubbed your hand with his thumb with his eyes glued to the road.

You smiled to yourself and tried to control your emotions. It was hard. Jake made it almost impossible. But Jake was easy to be with. Even though he made you excited and nervous, he was also very calming. 

The drive back to his house was quiet, but never awkward. When he pulled into the driveway of the dark, ranch house, you both got out of the car and you followed him inside. He took your coat from you and put it on a hook next to the door. 

“Want anything to eat? Drink? We have beer,” he asked, making his way towards the kitchen, flicking on light switches as he walked through the house. He pulled a beer from the refrigerator and held it up.

“Sure,” you replied. 

Jake grabbed another from the refrigerator and took the caps off both bottles. He handed you one and extended his bottle to you. You clinked the bottle necks together and each took a sip. 

“So where is everyone?” you asked as you leaned against the kitchen counter. You were genuinely curious as to why he was the only one home on a Friday night. 

“Sam had some honors awards ceremony. I told them I had homework.”

“Since when does Jake Kiszka do homework?” you asked, smirking.

“Since I got an A on an English project a month ago,” he replied, smiling at you with his head tilted. 

His expression turned just a bit more serious and he continued, “But you know, with them gone for the next hour, it gives us some time to hang out. Uninterrupted,” he said as he took a swig of the beer and didn’t break eye contact the entire time.

“Hm,” was all you could say before he walked towards you. 

He brushed past your side, beer in hand, and leaned into you to speak.

“Come on, I’ll show you around.”

He grabbed your hand, pulled you out of the kitchen, and down the hallway.

You followed him through the house and eventually down a hallway. He gestured towards doors and told you what was behind each one. Living room (which you’ve seen from afar before), basement, his parent’s room, sister’s room, and a bathroom. He stopped at the final door at the end of the hallway. 

“And this? This is my room,” he said as he opened the door and extended his hand for you to go through first. 

He flicked on the lightswitch to reveal a medium sized blue bedroom with three twin sized beds. Two on each side of the room and then one farther away, in a little corner carved out on the other side of a closet.

“Me, Josh, and Sam,” he said as he pointed at each bed. 

You could see how they each decorated their spaces differently. Josh had film posters, sketches, and photos all over the wall by his bed. He had a shelf cluttered with trinkets and ornately decorated boxes above the head of his bed.

Sam’s was the bed tucked away in the corner. He had posters of a lot of older artists, and a ton of books; all neatly organized in contrast to Josh’s. There was a tall dresser in between Sam’s little corner and the closet with a record player on top and a stack of vinyls piled high.

Jake’s space was cool. He had posters of artists that were more modern and well known than what was on Sam’s wall, with a few older ones in the mix too. Soccer trophies were propped on a shelf above the head of the bed. And the acoustic guitar you and Jake played was leaning against a nightstand that separated his bed and Josh’s bed. 

Jake sat down on his bed and put his beer on the nightstand. “So, what do you think?” 

“It’s nice. It’s very…you,” you replied.

“And what exactly is ‘very me?’” he asked.

“You know, interesting, cool,” 

“You think I’m cool?” 

“Well, yeah…”

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re cool too. I like you.”

The phrase I like you replayed in your head for a second. He liked you. He just said it. No one has ever said that to you before, at least not in the way Jake just did. In a romantic way. 

You felt your heart warm up a little and all you could do was smile at him shyly.

Jake placed his hand on the spot next to him on his bed, looked at it, and looked up at you with eyes that said Are you going to stand there or do you want to sit here next to me?

You let out a small laugh and sat down next to him. He took your beer bottle and placed it on the nightstand next to his. You looked at each other for a minute. Neither of you spoke, but your eyes wandered all over each other’s faces.

“So, do you want to pick up where we left off?” he asked, putting his head down but looking up at you with his hair covering most of his eyes. Maybe you weren't the only nervous one after all.

“Yeah, like you said- uninterrupted. Right?” you asked, smiling. 

He took your face in his right hand and rubbed your cheek with his thumb. 

You heard him let out “Yeah,” in a soft whisper that was barely audible. 

As he held your face, his rough fingers contrasted with your skin. He leaned in closer to you and you could feel your heart fluttering. He was close to you and the anticipation was killing you both. You had thought about doing this again since that day in the garage. It was practically the only thing you could think about for the past month. But you would never tell him that.

“Just tell me to stop and I will,” he whispered. 

You nodded and connected your lips with his. You brought your hand to the back of his neck and pulled him in closer, deepening the kiss. His hair tickled your cheeks as his jaw moved. His tongue traced over your bottom lip and you let him in. You let out a sigh and you felt him smile into the kiss. 

His mouth tasted like beer, spearmint, and a hint of something sweet that you couldn’t quite put your finger on, but you liked it. Almost chocolatey. 

Jake grabbed your waist and lowered you down on his bed, hovering over you. Your hands traveled up the sides of his body and along his back until you reached the back of his neck. You gave it a couple squeezes and flexed your fingers through the hair at the base of his neck. He had one hand supporting his weight on the bed and the other holding onto your hip bone. 

His lips wrapped around yours perfectly with every kiss and his tongue teased yours lightly every so often. The two of you continued like that for a few minutes. 

He broke away and smiled at you before lowering his mouth to your jaw and neck, leaving a trail of kisses as he got closer to your collarbone. He slid his tongue along the thin skin of it and started working his way back up.

“Jake,” you sighed.

He stopped, picked his head up, and looked at you.

“Are you okay? Is this okay?”

You gave him a little smile, biting your bottom lip. His eyes were wide and filled with concern, but softened once he saw your smile. 

“Yeah, keep going, I like it,” you whispered.

A small, closed mouth smile crept onto his face.

“Whatever you say,” he said as he connected your lips again. 

His hands slid along your hips and up a little onto your stomach, pushing your shirt up slightly. His lips made their way to your jaw again, just below your ear. 

You tangled your fingers in his hair and ran your other hand up his back and in between his shoulder blades.

“Mmm,” you breathed out as he continued there, knowing he hit a sweet spot on you. You felt him breathe out through his nose and his lips move into a smile, almost as if he was laughing. He seemed to be very pleased with himself. There was no doubt he was going to leave a mark but Jesus Christ his lips felt too good to care.

You gave the hair at the bottom of his head a pull and he lifted his chin back up, making eye contact with you again. You both let out a little laugh and he sat up. He was between your legs, sitting back on his heels. Jake pushed his hair out of his face and looked down. 

“I guess we should stop before, you know…” he trailed off the ending of his sentence, lifting his head and tilting it to peek at the spot on your neck he spent a little too much time on.

“Yeah,” you said,  running your hands through your scalp and pushing your hair back. 

You sat up and leaned against his headboard, running your fingers through your hair.

You ran your hand over the spot on your neck and rubbed it out a little. He leaned toward you and grabbed your wrist, pushing it down gently. He placed his hand on the spot and gently rubbed on it with his thumb a few times before pulling away.

You picked up the beer bottles off his night stand, handing him his. 

“So,” you started, “do you have girls over here often?” 

Jake’s eyebrows furrowed and he looked at you, confused. “No, not really. Just the ones I like,” he smirked at you. “And like I said… I like you,” he said.

“What do you like about me?” you asked.

Jake laughed, tilted his head to look at the ceiling, and counted on his fingers as he spoke, “Well, I like that you’re smart. You’re pretty- that helps, he said, flashing a full smile at you. 

You looked down at your hands shyly and bit your bottom lip. 

Jake continued “I like the way you look at me when you think I can’t see you. I like the way your hair falls when you play with it. I like how you look down and bite your lip when you’re embarrassed. Kind of like what you’re doing now.”

He was good. 

You looked back up at him. His eyes were soft again. 

“Jake, I don’t know what to say,” you whispered, nervously.

“Say you like me back. I know you want to.” 

He was right. You wanted to. You wanted to more than anything in the world.

You put the beer back down on the nightstand and ran your hand through his hair, bringing your fingers down to graze his face. You held his chin and you could feel the tiniest bit of soft, facial hair poking through. 

“I like you, Jake.” 

Instantly, you felt the weight of the world lift off your shoulders. That little secret you’ve been holding in for a month- finally he knew.

A little, satisfied chuckle left his lips. He leaned in and gave you the most gentle kiss. 

When he pulled back you let go of his face and grabbed his hands from his lap and held onto them. 

“Can I tell you what I like about you?” you asked, looking into his eyes.

“Go on,” he said playfully, giving you that silly little kid look. 

You started, “I like your eyes. They’re dreamy.” 

Your right hand brushed his hair off his forehead to get a good view of them and then you let it drop back into his lap.

You started to play with his fingers and looked down at them as you spoke.

“I like your hands. They’re big, and rough. And I like holding them.” 

You looked back up at Jake to see that he was giving you the sweetest smile you had ever seen. You melted from that look alone.

“I like how you put your hand behind your neck when you’re nervous. I like how when I’m talking to you, you look right at me. I like how you know what you want and you go for it.”

“You’re what I want,” he whispered.

“You want me?” 

Jake nodded slowly with his mouth open just a bit as his tongue licked his bottom lip.

“You have me,” you replied in a whisper.

Jake brushed your hair away from your ear and kissed you again. Deeper. There was more passion behind this kiss than any other the two of you had shared. This one had meaning. 

You continued at each other for a few minutes until  you were interrupted by a ding of his phone. He pulled it out of his pocket and read the screen. 

“Ah, shit. It’s Josh. I told him to text me when they were about to leave. Can I take you home?” 

“Yeah no problem,” you said as you got up from his bed and followed him out of his room. 

The two of you started down the hallway back to the front door. 

“So, Josh knows I’m here?” you asked as you put your coat on and as he grabbed a set of keys off a table by the door. 

“Well, yeah. I trust him and I didn’t want this to end up like last time. You know with Sam and everything. Sorry if you didn’t want anyone to know. But I promised I would do it for him if the roles were reversed.” 

He was doing it again- grabbing the back of his neck and looking down. You could tell he felt bad. 

You grabbed his hand from behind his head and pulled it down in front of him, holding it with both your hands. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” you reassured him, “I don’t mind.” 

He looked up at you and breathed a small sigh of relief. 

You both left the house and he locked the door behind you. As you two stepped into the cold November night he turned around and stopped you.

“Does this mean we’re…” he trailed off.

“We’re what?” you asked, already anticipating what he was going to say.

“You know, like boyfriend and girlfriend? God, it sounds so stupid when I say it out loud,” he laughed.

You gave him a peck on the lips. 

“It’s not stupid,” you said as you kept your face just an inch away from his and smiled at him. 

“So, yes?” he asked, almost wincing.

“Yes,” you assured him with a smile. You pulled his hand to lead him to the car.

He drove you home and pulled into your driveway. You weren’t exactly sure how to say goodbye to him but before you got out of the car, he turned to you. 

“By the way, I’ve never had a girl in my room before. Until today of course. I mean- besides my sister. So you’re like, the fir-” 

Jake had a habit of over explaining when he got nervous.

“Shhh,” you said, grabbing his chin and bringing it closer to yours. You kissed him softly; and it took him a second, but he returned the kiss to you. You pulled away, both smiling.

At that exact moment, genuine happiness filled your entire body. Jake Kiszka. Who would have thought?

He watched you walk inside and drove away once your front door closed. 

Jake got back home just in time for his family to arrive back, unsuspecting of the events which took place that night. Except Josh, who spotted two beer bottles on the nightstand when he walked in the room to go to bed. He took them outside and buried them deep in the garbage can to cover up for Jake. 

December 2013:

You and Jake had been together for about a month now. He stopped sneaking you into his house about a week after you two made it official. His parents approved of the two of you. Yours did as well. He had gone to your house and met your parents and they really liked him. But your parents were home a lot, and his parents were more easy going. So you spent more time at his house. 

School had just gotten out for winter break. Typically, you would go home after school with Jake on days he didn’t have band practice. You usually did homework with him, and then the two of you went to his room to be alone for a bit. Sometimes Jake would show you music he liked, or he’d roll you a joint to share from the (terrible quality) weed he stole from Josh; and the two of you would smoke for a bit.

You did other things too. Like most teenagers, you and Jake started exploring a little more of each other’s bodies. It had gone just far enough to the point you were both comfortable with. You’d been each other’s first experience for a few things so far. 

It started with heavy make out sessions that quickly led to more. Jake asked if it was okay if his hands wandered, which it was. It was more than okay. You would guide his hands to where you wanted them and he’d do the same for you. 

What started as feeling each other above clothes turned into feeling each other under clothes, to say the least. 

You would each go further a little bit every time it happened, testing the waters on each other to see how far you were both willing to go. Jake never took things too far though. He knew you were hesitant about doing some things and he never took it farther than you wanted it to go. 

When Sam came home from school, you usually moved to the living room or basement until Jake’s parents came home from work. Josh respected the situation but Sam didn’t exactly understand it yet. You never did anything explicit in front of Sam of course, but it was awkward with Sam in the boys’ room doing his homework while you and Jake were doing couple things; or as Sam called it, “Tainting his innocence.”

You were on the couch in the Kiszka living room, laying down longways with your head in Jake’s lap as he played with your hair. You both listened to Sam and Josh debate the best way to decorate their Christmas tree. 

His brothers’ conversation faded in the background as Jake spoke to you.

“What are you doing for Christmas?” he asked as he rubbed your hairline with his thumbs lightly.

“Same as every year. My dad’s side of the family is coming over. It’ll probably be pretty boring to be honest.” 

“Do you want to come here? I mean, I’m sure your family wants to spend time with you. But, maybe for a little bit?” 

You smiled up at him and licked your bottom lip. “Okay, I’ll ask my mom.” 

Jake leaned his head down and placed an upside down kiss on your lips. With your lips still locked, you smiled into him, causing your mouths to separate. He poked your teeth with his tongue playfully. His shaggy hair fanned over your chin and tickled you, making you giggle.

“Get a room!” Sam yelled, bringing you both back to reality.

“I have one but someone doesn’t approve of me being in there with my girlfriend,” Jake snapped back.

“Because you guys do weird things in there! My poor virgin eyes have seen enough!” 

You laughed and Jake rolled his eyes and scoffed. 

“Sam, you’re fourteen! Get over it!” Jake said.

“I will not!” Sam replied.

“One day you’ll understand,” Jake said, shaking his head.

“Yeah, maybe. But that day is not today!” Sam replied firmly.

You got up, held your hand out to Jake. He took it and you pulled him off the couch.

“Come on,” you said, “lets’ go make out on Sam’s bed.” 

Jake smiled a devilish smile and let a laugh out of his nose. He picked you up, holding you just under your butt, and ran out of the room with you. Both of you laughed as he carried you out of the room.

“No! Come on! Are you serious? Jesus Christ, no! Jake, I swear to God!” Sam’s voice faded away as Jake carried you down the hall and into the boys shared room, locking the door behind him.

December 25 , 2013:

You asked your mom about going to the Kiszka’s for Christmas and she agreed to let you go after dinner. The plan was that she would drop you off as long as Jake would bring you home, which he agreed to. 

You arrived at the Kiszka’s house at around 7:30 pm. Jake walked out to the driveway to get you. He greeted your mom and promised to have you home that night. As you both walked back up his driveway and towards the front door- you stopped him. 

“Jake, wait. I’m… I’m kind of nervous about this,” you admitted.

“About what? Meeting my cousins and stuff?” he asked.

You looked down at both your feet and nodded your head. He held your lower back and lifted your chin with his index finger so your eyes met his.

“Hey,” he began, “you don’t have anything to worry about. They’re going to love you.” 

He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead and looked up at you through his hair. 

“Okay? Breathe for me, baby,” he said calmly.

You closed your eyes, took a deep breath in, and let your shoulders relax as you exhaled.

“Good, Baby,” he whispered, “Come on, I got you,"

He let go of your chin, took your hand, and led you into the house. 

The six Kiszkas you knew were loud. That was a fact. However, a house full of thirty Kiszkas was a completely different story. There were people of all ages everywhere- drinking, talking, yelling, and running around.

Jake introduced you to his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. They were all very welcoming and took to you right away. He was right, you really didn’t have anything to worry about. 

You and Jake hung out with his family for a while. His mom bragged about you. His aunts loved you. They wanted to know all about how you met and how you’re putting up with him. His grandmother called you “Honey” and told you stories about Jake when he was little. You laughed while he rolled his eyes and begged her to stop.

You talked with his cousins for a while too. A lot of them were close to your age and you discovered you had a lot of shared interests with them. 

Josh was floating around the room butting into everyone’s conversations, looking and sounding like he drank more than he should have. Sam and Ronnie were busy with their noses in the instruction manual of some electronic Sam had gotten as a gift.

Jake’s grandfather called him over and whispered something in his ear. Jake gave you a be right back look. He returned to his grandfather with two red solo cups and his grandfather poured scarlet liquid in them from a pitcher on the dining room table. Jake walked over to you, drinks in hand. He extended one out to you. 

“It’s whiskey, cranberry juice, sour mix, and a ‘secret ingredient.’ My grandpa makes it every year and he finally let Josh and I have it this year. My mom doesn’t know though, she would kill him. But it’s good, try it.” 

You lifted the cup to your mouth and instantly you could smell the alcohol. Well this explains Josh’s tipsy state, you thought to yourself as you took a sip.

The drink was strong, but it tasted good. Like cinnamon. It was a good holiday drink, perfect for the occasion. You smiled at Jake and he looked at his grandfather, giving him a little finger gun motion.

“Come here I have something I want to show you,” Jake said as he pulled you down the hall and into his room, closing the door behind him. 

The loud noises of the Kiszka family became muffled by the closed door.

He sat you down on his bed and he went down on his knees to reach under it.

“Close your eyes,” he said with one hand still hidden under the bed while the other hand held his cup. 

You closed your eyes and felt him place something in your lap.

“Okay… open your eyes.”

You looked down at your lap to see a small silver box with a little red ribbon on top.

 “Jake,” you started, “We agreed- no presents!”

“I know, I know. But, you mean a lot to me and I just- I don’t know. I wanted to,” he explained.

You put your cup on his nightstand and unwrapped the bow, looking at Jake before completely opening the box. Jake’s face in that moment brought you back to when he opened the garage door to you for the first time. He was excited but also apprehensive about your reaction. 

You opened the box to reveal a gold necklace with a charm of your first initial shining brightly in the dim light of his bedroom. 

“Jake,” you whispered.

“Do you like it?” he asked, still on his knees in front of you.

“I love it, it’s perfect. Thank you.” 

You leaned down to kiss him. Your lips joined for a minute and he stood up, never breaking the connection. You pulled away as he got higher and you were still sitting.

“Can you help me put it on?” You asked him. 

“Of course. Hold this for a second,” he said, extending his cup out to you and you exchanged the necklace for the cup.

With the necklace in hand, Jake kneeled on his bed behind you. He moved your hair to one side of your neck and draped the necklace over your head, clasping it in the back. His hands traveled down your back and around your waist as he kissed the exposed spot on your neck. 

“Merry Christmas, Y/N,” he said in his soft, raspy voice. 

His voice sent vibrations through your body and made you shiver in the best way.

“Mmm. Merry Christmas, Jake,” you replied with a smile spreading wide across your face.

He reached around you and grabbed the cup from your hand, drinking the remainder of what was in it. He got back to his feet and walked over to the nightstand to place his empty cup on the nightstand next to yours. He leaned against it and placed his hands on the edge of it.

“Want to relax here for a little? It’s kind of loud out there,” he said, motioning his head towards the door.

“Sure,” you began, “I really like your family though.”

“I think they like you too. I told you you had nothing to worry about,” he said with a little I told you so smirk and raised eyebrows.

Jake unbuttoned his flannel shirt the rest of the way, and pulled it off his shoulders. The warm light of his room casted shadows and highlighted the muscles in his back and arms. Your eyes trailed down to his stomach, his barely there ab muscles flexed as he turned his body to throw the shirt across the room. Above his belt he had just a little bit of fat that rested on his hips. His body wasn’t perfect, but to you it was. 

He undid his belt, kicked off his pants, and tossed both into a hamper by the closet. He opened the bottom drawer of the nightstand and pulled out a t- shirt and a pair of boxers. 

He held them out to you and said, “If you want to wear something more comfortable.”

You pulled your sweater over your head, let it fall to the floor, and threw on his shirt. Jake pretended to look away but you caught his eyes wandering a few times.

As you unbuttoned your jeans, you saw him do his nervous neck grab again, and caught his eyes peeking around.

“I know what you’re doing,” you giggled as you threw your pants at him and put on the boxers.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied with a sly smirk lighting up his face.

Jake has seen your body before. In fact, he’s seen more of you than this before. But for some reason, this little moment was different.

Maybe it was because it was Christmas. Maybe it was because of the alcohol. Or maybe it was because your feelings towards each other were growing stronger and you both knew it- but were just a little too shy to say anything.

Jake sat down on his bed, leaned against the headboard and stretched his legs out. You climbed in between his legs and sunk into his body. He was warm. His skin was soft. His body around you like this reminded you of the time in the garage. However, it was more intimate this time. You were in his bed, he was practically naked underneath you, and you were in his clothes.

You felt completely secure and safe in his arms. You leaned your head against his shoulder. He kissed the top of your head and pulled the covers over the both of you.

You closed your eyes as Jake traced patterns on your upper arm with his fingertips underneath his blanket.

“Don’t forget you have to take me home later,” you mumbled.

“Mmhmm,” he hummed, gently grabbing your head and pushing your hair out of your face.

You woke up the next morning with heavy eyes. You felt a huge weight on your back. You opened your eyes to see Jake, shirtless, with his arm draped over you.

You squinted your eyes as the sun shone through the window next to his bed and lit up the room. You picked your head up and looked over at him. He was fast asleep. 

“What the fu-” you start to say.

“Mmm, baby go back to sleep,” Jake answered in a deep, raspy voice. His arm that rested on your back pulled your body closer to his. 

You sat up on your elbow and looked at the clock on his nightstand. 

10:24 AM. 

Next to the clock were the two empty cups that were once full of liquor. You looked around the room. Josh was passed out with one leg dangling off his bed, his face deep in his pillow, and breathing with his mouth open. 

Sam was gone, thankfully.

You pulled Jake’s arm off you, reached for your phone, and sat up. Eleven missed calls and countless texts from your mom. Fuck.

“Jake, baby, get up,” you said as you gave his side a little nudge.

He breathed in deep and opened his eyes, blinking a few times. His normally tired eyes looked even more tired than usual as he fought to keep them open.

“You were supposed to take me home last night. My mom is going to kill me. And my dad? Oh God, my dad is going to kill you.”

Jake instantly perked up when he realized the situation at hand. 

“Oh shit,” he said, ripping the covers off himself and getting out of bed.

Silently, you both got up and started getting changed back into your clothes. He tossed your clothes onto the bed and reached into the hamper to get his from last night. 

You kept Jake’s shirt on and held your sweater in your arms. You looked down at your phone, thinking of how you could possibly explain this to your parents as Jake put his shoes on. 

The door to the bedroom opened and in walked Sam with a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. 

“Have fun last night?” Sam asked suspiciously as he walked over to his bed. 

He continued, “You know, Christmas is a sacred holiday. It is the day of Jesus’ birth. It is not a day to fu-”

“Oh my God! Sam, would you shut up already?” Jake yelled.

With the raise of Jake’s voice, Josh jolted in bed with a gasp. He relaxed when he opened his eyes briefly to see he was in his own bed. 

“It’s too early for this, go back to sleep,” he groaned in a tired voice. He rolled over, pushed his entire face back into his pillow, and covered himself up completely in his comforter. 

Sam walked out of the room with a towel on his arm and a smirk on his face. As if he knew some kind of top secret information. Like, Jake was going to be in big trouble. Based on Sam’s reaction, you wondered if Jake’s parents knew you were still there. 

Jake turned to you, “Stay here for a second, I’m gonna go see if my parents are around.”

He walked out the room and closed the door most of the way behind him. You heard a faint conversation between him and his mom coming from the living room.

After a few minutes, the door opened again and Jake came through, breathing deep and handing you a bottle of water.

“Okay,” he began slowly, “They know you’re here. But I told them nothing happened and I think they believe me. They’re not mad. They’re mostly pissed at me because I didn’t take you home last night like I promised.”

You got up from his bed and smiled at him.

“Well, you’re taking me home now, aren’t you? So you kept half the promise.” 

Jake smiled back and gave you a little kiss on the lips. 

“Come on, go say bye to my parents and get in the car. I have some explaining to do with your parents,” he laughed nervously.

You got home and explained the situation to your parents. Jake apologized and they accepted it. They were still pretty mad and told you that you couldn’t see Jake for the rest of winter break. You couldn’t blame them. 

However, you planned to text during the day and call each other every night to talk. The texting and calling helped but you still missed him. You missed the things you couldn’t get through a phone.

You missed his touch. You missed the way his hair fluttered around your face when he kissed you. You missed the way his eyes lit up when he talked about stuff he liked. You missed the way he looked at you when you explained stuff to him. But most of all, you missed the way he made you feel. Safe. And loved.

That night, Sam laid awake in his bed, unable to sleep. He whispered to Jake to see if he was awake. Jake replied that he was.

“So…how do you kiss a girl?” Sam asked shyly.

Jake laughed lightly, “I’ll explain tomorrow. Go to sleep, Sammy.”

January 2014:

Your parents warmed back up to Jake after a bit of time and allowed you to continue going to his house after school and on weekends. Sam grew to be more accepting of your relationship after a conversation with Jake about girls over winter break. Now instead of gagging noises when you two did anything in front of him, he blew little air kisses at you. 

It was Sunday and neither of you had responsibilities for the day. It was snowing outside and the area was expected to get about 10-12 inches so you were sure school would be canceled the next day. The roads were already covered with snow and ice. Your parents knew you’d have to end up sleeping at Jake’s house until the roads were cleared. Jake’s mom assured her that you would sleep in the basement and Jake would sleep in his room. Doors open. 

You sat on the floor of Kiszka’s living room with Jake. You sat a foot away from each other, throwing popcorn into each other’s mouths and giggling while Josh laid on the couch with his eyes attached to the screen in front of him.

“Are you guys seriously going to do that the entire time?” Josh asked, his eyes still not leaving the screen as he spoke.

“I’m sorry Josh, would you like to join us? We could all cuddle later if you want too?” Jake teased.

Josh rolled his eyes. 

“Very funny. Ha. Ha. You know,” he began, talking with his hands flailing around, “this film is absolute perfection. The film noir elements are so subtle, yet strong. Even for the time period, it really stands out as one of the most well thought out displays of cinematography to date. I mean just look at the camera work here! The shadows! The way it pans out! AH! SO GOOD!” 

His eyes went back to being glued on the screen, paying the utmost attention to his film and resting his chin in his hand.

Josh was in his element. His own little world. Film was something he loved. He could study it for hours. He didn’t plan on moving from that spot on the couch for the rest of the day.

“Want to go outside?” Jake suggested, raising his eyebrows at you. 

“Now? Isn’t it snowing?” you asked.

“What, you’ve never played in the snow before?” 

He tilted his head at you and started to get up. He lifted you to your feet, grabbed the popcorn bowl off the floor, and placed it in Josh’s lap.

Jake turned to Josh before following you out of the room and down the hall.

“We’re gonna go outside if you want to come,” he offered.

“Mmm,” Josh mumbled, waving Jake away, eyes not moving from the screen.

You and Jake walked down the hall, and into his room to get his boots and coat. As you entered, you stopped when you saw Sam laying on the floor in the middle of the room. His eyes were closed, his legs were crossed at his ankles, and his hands rested behind his head. A small smile formed on his face as a record of blues music played from the record player on top of the boys’ dresser.

Jake stepped over him and reached into the closet to grab what he needed. Sam had no idea either of you were in the room and he started humming and moving his head to the song. 

You looked down at Sam and smiled, seeing how content and at peace he was in his own little musical world. Just like Josh was in the living room with his film. If there was one thing Sam loved, it was music.

You both put on your coats and hats and walked into the kitchen to leave through the backdoor. Both Jake’s mom and dad were in the kitchen baking with Ronnie. 

“You guys going outside?” Karen asked, putting a tray of cookies in the oven.

“Mmhm,” you and Jake replied in unison.

“Have fun,” Kelly said as he wiped down the countertops and tossed the paper towel in the garbage.

Jake opened the back door and ushered you out. The snow had stopped falling momentarily and Jake’s backyard looked right out of a movie scene. Snow had stuck to the bare tree branches, turning them white. A perfect white blanket of snow covered the grass with some tiny squirrel footprints trailing across the yard. 

Jake walked across the deck with you following behind him. There was a path carved out from where his dad shoveled through earlier. 

“Be careful, this is where I cracked my head open when I was three,” he said as he hopped down the steps and out onto the snow covered grass. “I told you about that right?” 

“Ha, yeah once or twice,” you replied. 

Jake loved to tell you stories about him nearly dying during his childhood. There were many. His poor mother.

Jake held his hand out to you and you took it in yours as you walked down the steps, careful not to step on any patches of ice.

You stood on the last step and stopped to face him. His shaggy bangs covered his eyes and poked out of the bottom of his knitted beanie. Standing on the step made you a couple inches taller than usual and your eyes were perfectly even with his. His nose had turned a little red from the cold already and you kissed the tip of it. He smiled and repeated the action to you. 

“Hop on,” he said as he turned around, motioning you to piggyback him. 

You only had sneakers on and he had proper snow boots, so there was no way you could walk through 8 inches of snow on your own. You jumped onto his back and wrapped your arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms under your legs and lifted you up higher on him. You rested your chin on his shoulder and he started through the snow. 

You turned your face into the side of his neck just by his ear and pressed kisses to his skin as he continued to walk, slowing his steps as you got closer to the spot on his neck that made him weak everytime.

“If you keep doing that, I’m gonna end up dropping you,” he warned playfully. 

“I know you wouldn’t,” you returned his playful tone and continued sprinkling him with kisses.

He stopped walking and turned his face towards yours.

“What if I did? What would you do if I dropped you right now?” he smirked.

“Jake, if you drop me in this snow-”

“Yeah? What would you do?” he chuckled, raising his eyebrows. 

He knew you didn’t have any line of defense here and he held all the power in his hands. He could easily throw you backwards into the snow right now.

“I will kick you in the balls so hard, you’ll never have kids,” you warned. 

Part of you was joking, but the other part was serious.  

“Oooh, is that a threat or a promise?” he said suggestively.

You tapped him lightly on his cheek and pushed his face away, mimicking a smack.

He kept walking until he got to a picnic table in the middle of the yard. He extended one arm to push some snow off it, revealing a portion of the wooden surface. He turned around and let you sit down on it. Your legs dangled off the sides and Jake turned his body around to face you. He grabbed your face in his hands, cupping your jaw. He placed a soft kiss on your lips. 

“Can I tell you something?” he asked.

“Mhm, anything,” you replied, nodding your head.

He put his hand behind his neck. You knew he was nervous. 

“I…” he sighed, “Nevermind, it’s.. it’s stupid,” he stuttered.

“Jake, you can’t say you want to tell me something and then not say it.” 

“Nevermind, really, it’s stupid. I’ll tell you later. Not now,” he shook his head.

“Okay fine but promise you’ll tell me later?” you asked as you grabbed his chin. 

He nodded as his eyes darted all over your face- almost like he was searching your face for an answer to something he wasn’t sure of.

You both paused there for a moment, just looking at each other.

You broke eye contact with him and picked up some of the fresh, fluffy snow off the table and held it in your hand. You opened your palm in front of his face and blew it on him. His eyes shut tight and he scrunched up his nose at the sudden cold feeling on his face. He opened his eyes, his mouth hung open, and he let out a breath, shocked. 

You laughed seeing him caught off guard. A smile appeared across his face and his eyes grew wild with mischief. Suddenly, he nuzzled his cold, wet, face in your neck; kissing you with snowflakes shivering your skin. 

“Jake!” you playfully whined as you wiggled your head and shoulders to get his cold face away from your neck.

Jake placed one arm under your legs and the other arm around your back, swooping you up bridal style off the table. He started back towards the house with you in his arms.

“Let’s go, Baby. Back inside. No more snow for you,” he huffed. He kissed you on your temple as he hitched you up.

As he was trudging through the snow with his heavy boots, he missed a step and tripped with you in his arms. He still had you but both of you gasped and breathed out with sighs of relief and chuckles when he got his balance again.

He looked down at you in his arms, “Did you think I was going to let you go?” He questioned.

“For a second there, yeah!” you admitted, laughing.

“You’re lucky. You came close to going down,” he replied, smiling.

“You would let me fall?” you asked innocently, raising your eyebrows at him.

“What, like this?” he asked as he faked you out. He let you drop for a second before catching you again. 

You squealed and gripped his neck tighter. Jake was bending down with you hanging in his arms. Your body was a foot off the ground, and your hair was falling behind you. 

“Yeah? What are you gonna do now?” he said as he lowered you down further, your body now just a few inches from the ground. His smile lit up his face as he spoke and his entire body vibrated from laughing.

“You know what I said I’d do if you dropped me,” you smiled with your tongue between your teeth and raised your eyebrows at him. 

“Try me,” he whispered.

And with that, thud. He dropped you right into the snow. You felt the cold surround your body, shocking you slightly. Your jaw dropped as you looked up at him. Your body was frozen both figuratively and literally. 

His bright smile was huge on his face. His shoulders moved up and down as he laughed nervously. He wasn’t sure if he just made a huge mistake. 

Jake reached his hand out to you to pull you up and you took it. He started to bring you to your feet when you shot your foot up to his groin, and made contact. He let go of your hand, plopping you back into your spot in the snow. 

“Ohh!” He groaned as he grabbed himself and spun in a circle around himself, hunched over a little. 

“Hahaha! I told you I would!” you laughed.

“You’re gonna get it now,” he said, lunging towards you. 

“Jake!” you screeched.

He threw himself on top of you and laughed before he kissed you hard, pushing both of you down deeper into the snow. The area surrounding your body was freezing but his breath was warm against your face and his body was warm on top of you. 

He pulled away from the kiss and looked you in the eyes. His expression turned serious. His eyes were scanning your face again and finally he breathed out. 

“I…Y/N, I….I love you.” 

You sucked in a sharp breath at his words. Love.

His tired eyes silently begged you to say something, anything back to him. He held his breath and never broke eye contact with you as he waited for a reaction.

“Jake, I…” you began, reaching up and holding his cheek in your hand. “I love you too.”

The words came out of your mouth as if you had been holding onto them for years, even though it had only been a few months. It felt absolutely right. There was no doubt in your mind. You loved Jake. 

“Yeah?” he asked, blinking and raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah,” you said softly, reassuring him and giving him a little peck on the lips.

He flashed that big bright smile at you again and you did the same. He kissed you again. 

Deep. 

Long. 

Passionately. 

Your heart was exploding in your chest in the best way. Your head was reeling as your lips moved against his. You didn’t even care that you were laying in the freezing snow. Everything about this moment was perfect. It was like everything in life had come to a peak right here. You didn’t care about anything else in the world, except him. 

The snow started to fall again and Jake broke away from you, laughing. He sat up and pulled you up with him. There was no use in him carrying you now, both of you were soaking wet. 

You and Jake spent close to an hour outside together in the snow. You had snowball fights, made snow angels, and caught snowflakes on your tongues.

When you couldn’t feel your hands anymore and Jake’s lips started to turn a shade of purple, you decided to call it a day and you walked back to the house, hand in hand. 

You stopped him at the door and put your hands around his waist, clasping them behind his back and pulling him in tight. “Say it again,” you said softly. 

“I love you,” he said confidently.

“I love you,” you replied.

He kissed you and hummed into the kiss, “Mmm, God I love you,” he said smiling.

You bit your lip and turned the doorknob to the inside.

When you entered the kitchen, his parents gave each other a smirk as they cleaned up the remainder of the dishes. You could tell they were watching from the kitchen window. 

“Did you guys have fun out there?” Karen asked sweetly, even though she already knew the answer.

“Yeah,” Jake tried to say casually, hiding a smile.

“Go get out of those clothes and into something warm, now!” Kelly called as you and Jake exited the kitchen.

Jake met you in the laundry room with a pair of boxers, sweatpants, and one of his hoodies. 

You both took your clothes off, threw them in the dryer, and put the fresh ones on. Jake pressed the ON button before leaving the small room. 

Now dry and warm, you stopped by the boys’ room to get your phone and you saw Sam- still on the floor, in the same position you saw him last. 

You and Jake went downstairs to set up the pull out couch for you to sleep on that night and as you passed the living room, just like Sam, Josh had not moved an inch. Both of them were still in their own little worlds. 

Jake helped you set up the bed and when you were done, the two of you went upstairs for dinner. You sat next to Jake and he held your hand and your thigh under the table the entire time. 

After dinner, Jake accompanied you in the basement for a bit. He knew eventually he would have to go upstairs and sleep in his own bed, as previously decided by both sets of parents. 

He laid on his back with your head on his chest, cuddled into him, looking at the TV. The two of you were watching a movie when you looked up at him. 

“Hey, what was that thing that you wanted to tell me earlier?” you asked.

“Oh,” he chuckled, “I already said it,” he replied.

“What, that you love me?” you asked with a smile.

“You like hearing it, don’t you?”

You nodded at him.

“Yes. I love you,” he said, leaving a kiss on the top of your head.

He was right. You loved hearing him say it. It was the way his soft, raspy voice practically sang the phrase. You couldn’t get enough. 

Jake’s hand lazily rubbed your back and you felt his heartbeat in his chest as you closed your eyes for the night.

Before going to bed, Kelly looked into the boys room to see Jake’s bed was empty and noticed that coming from the basement stairs was a dull glow of the TV and the light sounds of Jake’s snoring.

Karen came up behind him, resting her chin on his shoulder.

“You wanna tell him to get up here and go to bed?” she asked.

“No,” Kelly replied, “he’s in his own little world.”

February 2014:

As the cold, Michigan winter rolled on, you and Jake spent a lot of time together. After the initial “I love you” was off both of your chests, things continued to blossom between the two of you and you became each other’s best friends. You revealed secrets about yourselves that no one else knew. You told each other about your insecurities. He showed you the scar on his arm from when he broke it in middle school and you traced your fingers lightly on it. When he rubbed your legs, he kissed the stretch marks on your thighs that you were always self conscious about. You two were a real couple. Sure you were still only young, but everything about it felt right. You and Jake fit together. Being with him was like riding a bike or walking- it was second nature to you. 

You were in the Kiszka’s kitchen after school one day with Jake. It was just the two of you, no one else was home. His parents trusted him with you. In general, they were cool parents, but they also knew nothing would go on in their house that they had to worry about. 

You sat on the counter with Jake standing in between your legs. He put a cookie in your mouth and brought his face close to yours to bite off the half that was sticking out to him. 

“So,” he started as he chewed, “Valentine’s Day is coming up.”

“Mhmm,” you hummed as you chewed the cookie.

“Can I take you out?”

“Like, on a date?” you asked. 

“Well, yeah. We’ve never actually had a real date yet,” he reminded you.

He was right. The two of you never actually went somewhere together. All of the time you spent together was either at school, your house, or his house- mostly his house.

“Oooh, what do you have in mind?” you asked, smirking at him playfully.

Jake lowered his head and laughed, “You’ll see,” he replied, looking up at you through his hair. You loved when he did that. His hair was getting longer and he refused to cut it. He liked it like that. He said one day he wanted to grow it past his shoulders, like a “Rock God.” 

He pushed himself up on his tiptoes to give you a kiss and then lowered you down off the counter. He pulled you into the living room. He sat down on the couch, still holding onto your hand as you stood in front of him.

“Kiss me,” he groaned with his head tilting up and his eyes closing slightly. 

You straddled him and put your knees on either side of his thighs. He held your waist and you lowered your head to connect your lips. It started off soft but quickly gained passion.

Jake’s tongue started sliding along your bottom lip and entering your mouth. His hands traveled past your waist and rested on your butt. You snaked your hands under his shirt and you felt his stomach muscles tighten with the contact. You rubbed the skin of his stomach, feeling goosebumps rise on the surface of his skin.

Jake moaned into the kisses, sending vibrations through your body. You pulled back from him, and looked at him. His eyes were in a dreamy state. You gave him one last kiss on the side of his mouth before attaching your lips to his neck. He tilted his head back to give you better access, breathing heavily and closing his eyes as you littered his neck with wet kisses and sucked on that sweet spot just below his ear. 

He snaked his hands up under your shirt and rubbed up and down your back. His hands slipped under your bra strap, toying with it, teasing you. His calloused fingertips dug into the delicate skin of your back as he played with it. You grinded your hips down against him and he moved his along with yours. 

“Honey, I’m home!” you heard a familiar voice boom as the front door swung open. 

Jake opened his eyes and ripped his hands away from you. You turned your head and jumped off of Jake to sit next to him on the couch.

Josh looked at you both with a shocked expression that quickly turned into a suggestive smirk.

“I’m not telling you how to live your lives,” he said casually as he raised his hands as a sign of surrender, “but, no sex on the family couch. Anywhere else is fine though.”

“I thought you had rehearsal?” Jake asked with a confused look on his face.

“I did, but they didn’t need me much today,” Josh replied, “I have to go run my lines anyway. Have fun,” Josh said suggestively as he shot a wink at you. 

He kicked his shoes off and walked down the hall into the boys room, closing the bedroom door behind him. 

Catching your breath, you turned to Jake and combed your fingers through your hair.

“Jake,” you started, “Does he think that we…”

“We, what?”

“You know.”

“Know, what?”

“Does Josh think that we… have sex?” 

Jake coughed at the question and a shocked expression appeared on his face. He looked to the floor, trying to recollect instances that may have led Josh to think that.

“I mean, he knows we mess around. We’ve done almost everything except that. And he has. I’ve talked to him about some stuff. I mean, he’s my twin brother. And honestly it would make sense for him to think we have,” he answered. 

You sighed and looked down at your hands. Jake grabbed them and pulled them to his mouth, kissing your knuckles and setting them down on his lap.

“Hey,” he began, “you really care what he thinks?” 

You shrugged your shoulders. 

Neither of you had done it yet. But you felt like everyone else in the world had. Josh had and so had a handful of your friends. You wanted to and so did Jake, Jake more than you. But you were scared and Jake knew it. Usually when things got heated, one of you would call it off before you went all the way. You out of fear, and Jake out of respect for you. But, no matter the reason, you both didn’t mind though. It just wasn’t the right time yet.

“Look at me, Baby,” Jake whispered, “Don’t worry about what Josh thinks may or may not have happened. It’ll happen when it happens. When you’re ready. And I won’t talk about it to him again. Okay? I’m sorry, I know it’s different for girls,” he said calmly as he rubbed your cheek with his thumb.

“Okay,” you said softly. 

He grabbed the remote control off the coffee table and turned on the TV. He pulled you into his arms and rubbed your shoulder with his thumb. You both fell asleep and woke up when Sam and Ronnie got home with his parents. Jake drove you home and worked on his date plans that night. 

February 14, 2013:

The ring of the door bell made you jump. You looked down at your phone. 7 PM exactly. You gave yourself one last look in the mirror, grabbed your coat and headed downstairs. Jake had told you to dress warm, not fancy. He didn’t tell you anything except that. When you tried to get details out of him, he would do a little “zipped lips” motion with his mouth and fingers.

When you got downstairs you saw Jake at the door, talking to your mom. She turned around when she heard your footsteps. 

“Hi,” you said, smiling at him and biting your lip.

“Hey,” Jake said, his eyes scanning you up and down, holding back a full smile.

“Midnight,” your mom said sternly, looking Jake in the eyes. She did not want a repeat of the last time Jake was supposed to bring you back home at night. 

“Yes. Midnight,” Jake nodded. 

Your mom gave you a wink as she walked away, leaving you and Jake alone. 

“You look beautiful, as always,” Jake said, pulling you into a hug and giving you a small kiss on the lips. 

You pushed his hair out of his face, “Thank you. You look cute. You know I like it when you wear that hat.” 

He was wearing that same beanie he wore that day in the snow. The bangs of his hair poked out of the bottom and covered almost half of his face. 

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” you asked as he led you out the front door.

“Nope,” he said playfully, opening the passenger door to the white Jeep his parents allowed him and Josh to drive. Jake only had his permit, and Frankenmuth was a small town. Plus, his family knew a lot of the cops in town so his parents let him drive around town because they knew he’d never get in trouble. He just wasn’t allowed to go outside of town. 

Jake began the drive to his destination and you kept your eyes on him. As he drove through the main part of town, the bright lights from streetlights and storefronts illuminated his features and casted shadows over his eyes and accentuated his cheekbones. It reminded you of the first time you were in the car with him. You were nervous with him back then, where now, you were completely relaxed.

He slid his hand over your knee and traveled it up towards your thigh as he held back a small smile.  You rubbed your hand on top of his and held it there, giggling a little. 

“Remember when you first came over and I told you that I liked when you look at me when you think I don’t see you?” he asked, eyes never leaving the road as he pulled up to a red light. 

You giggled, “Yes?” you replied playfully.

“Well, now you’re starting to creep me out,” he joked. 

You smacked his hand on your leg and then picked it up to kiss his knuckles. 

He continued driving and you saw the AUF WIEDERSEHEN sign illuminated ahead. 

“Jake? you dragged out the A in his name. 

“Mhmm?” he replied, also dragging out the word.

“Where are we going?” you asked in that same tone.

“Not far, don’t worry, Mom,” he teased, giving your leg a squeeze as he drove under the sign and out of town.

Jake turned off the main road and started driving up a hill. The lights of the town were now far in the distance as he continued on a small gravel road surrounded by trees. 

He pulled the Jeep into a spot off the road in the woods, hopped out, and ran over to your door. He opened it and grabbed your hand as you stepped out onto the ground. He started walking you down a small dirt path through the trees. 

“Jake, if we get murdered tonight I will never forgive you.” 

“Aw damn really? That’s exactly what I had in mind for tonight. Sorry, I thought you’d like the idea of kissing me with my blood from an ax wound on your hands as you watch the light leave my eyes,” he teased, earning himself a light smack on the chest.

As you kept walking, you saw a light peeking through the bare trees. Leaves left over from fall crunched under your feet as you walked.

“So,” he began, “One day when we were like 12, Josh and I went too far out of town on our bikes. We ended up riding up here, thinking it was a way back home, and we thought it was cool. I’ve come back a few times since then. I’ve never seen anyone here though. Ever.”

You started to walk into a clearing that dipped off like a cliff- looking down on Frankenmuth with lights in the distance. Right at the edge of the cliff was a little campfire. Along with a blanket and Jake’s backpack on the ground.

He walked you over to the blanket.

“Have a seat, My Love,” he said. 

You sat down and he followed you, the heat from the fire warmed the two of you up perfectly. It was the dead of winter but you weren’t cold at all. He started digging into his backpack and pulled out two round glasses and a bottle of red wine. 

“Ooh, so romantic,” you teased.

He flashed a smile at you, “Don’t tell my mom,” he whispered as if there were other people around to hear. 

You held the glasses as he opened the wine and poured. You clinked the classes together and sipped it, looking at each other over the rim of the glasses. 

You placed a wet, wine covered kiss to his lips. You tasted the flavors of him and the wine mixing on your tongue. He pulled away and smiled at you with the light from the fire lighting up his face.

He leaned back onto his elbows and stretched his legs out. You did the same but you leaned on one elbow and turned your body towards his slightly.

“See those lights out there?” he asked, pointing to the faintest cluster of lights off the edge of the land. 

“Mmhmm,” you replied.

“That’s Detroit.” 

He pointed to another area of lights farther in the distance to the side a bit. 

“And that’s Canada. During the day, you can see Lake Erie.”

It was an absolutely breathtaking sight. You always felt kind of trapped in Michigan. But seeing the world out there, shining in front of you, made you feel like it was possible to get out and explore it one day with him. 

The sky was clear. You could see every star in the sky and the full moon was shining overhead. You loved the night sky and Jake knew that. It always made you feel so small. Like any problem you ever had was insignificant compared to how big the universe was. You both looked up to the sky, gazing at the stars and the moon. Jake looked for a little extra time, studying it closely. His eyes squinted and he was in deep thought.

“What are you looking at?” you asked him playfully, noticing his fixation on the sky.

He sat up and dug into his backpack again, this time, he pulled out a piece of paper. 

Jake pointed to a spot in the sky. 

“You see that star? The one just above that little string of four?” 

“Yeah, why?” you asked once you spotted it.

“Well, it’s yours.” 

“What do you mean it’s mine?”

Jake unfolded the paper in his hand and let you look at the document in the firelight. Your heart raced and your jaw dropped as you read the words on the paper. You looked at him. He was looking back at you with those nervous eyes again. 

“You named a star after me?” you whispered as tears formed in your eyes and your lips parted in surprise.

He nodded, his head turning to the side a bit to get a good look at you. His mouth formed a smile. 

You shook your head, “Jake,” was all you could say. You were speechless. 

With his thumb, he wiped a tear that fell onto your cheek and he held your face in his hand. He looked deep into your eyes and waited for you to say something. 

“I love you. I love you so fucking much,” you said. 

You barely finished the last word when his mouth crashed into yours. He leaned over you and his lips never parted from yours as he laid you down on the blanket covered ground.

You know when people say they feel fireworks when they kiss someone? You didn’t feel fireworks. You felt a volcanic explosion. Your entire body was electrified. It was a deep feeling, deeper than anything you’ve ever felt before. You wanted this feeling forever and you knew with Jake, you’d have it that way.  

You and Jake talked a lot about life that night. You discussed your goals, ambitions, and futures. It was one of the most serious and mature conversations you ever had. Not just with Jake, but with anyone. Period. You were growing up and becoming adults. Your childhood was fading quickly and although not knowing the future scared you, you had him to go through it with; and that made you feel a lot better.

Jake’s phone buzzed at 11:15. He set an alarm this time so he could get you back home on time. You packed up everything, put out the fire, and got back in the car. Before he put it in drive you leaned over to him, turned his chin towards you, and kissed him. 

“Thank you for everything tonight,” you said, planting more soft kisses on his lips. 

He held onto the back of your neck and pulled you closer. You moved your tongue into his mouth and he did the same. You continued like that for a few minutes, getting lost within each other. 

His hands traveled down your body as yours rubbed along his thighs. He pushed up the divider and you crawled up onto the seat. He moved his seat back so you were able to sit on his lap. You felt him through his jeans and he moaned into your kisses. 

You pushed his coat off of his shoulders and he did the same on you. His hands traveled up to your chest, under your shirt, feeling you over your bra. His thumbs rubbing the skin just above the cups. You unbuttoned his jeans and let your hands feel him up over his boxers. You unbuttoned yours and started to pull them off yourself. 

He pulled his mouth off yours and grabbed your wrists. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked, pressing your lips onto his neck. 

He moved his neck for you to get off of him and shook his head at you.

“No. I’m not letting you do this. This isn’t what you want.”

“It is what I want, Jake. Come on, just do it. Get it over with.”

He pulled your jeans back up on you and buttoned his own. 

“No. That’s exactly why I’m not doing this with you right now. Get it over with? Are you serious?” 

You leaned back on his lap and looked at him with angry eyes and your lips pursed shut.

“Jake, I’m ready!” you said sharply.

“Yeah, well two days ago you weren’t!” he shot back.

You pulled your coat back on and sat back down in the passenger seat, arms crossed, looking straight ahead. You couldn’t see him but his jaw was clenched and his eyes looked down at your legs. You both sat there in silence for a few moments. You’d never fought before. It wasn’t exactly a fight- more of a disagreement. But still, you had never felt anger towards him. Secretly you knew he was right though. He knew you better than you knew yourself.

Jake was the first to speak.

“Baby, it’s not that I don’t want to. Trust me, I want to,” he breathed as he turned to you. “But this isn’t the time, and it’s especially not the place. I mean, come on, in a car?”

You looked at him, relaxed your face, and sighed, even laughed a little. 

“You’re right,” you said, reaching your hand out to him. 

He took your hand in his and rubbed the top of it with his thumb. 

“When we do it, we’re gonna do it right. And I’ll make sure it’s perfect,” he assured you, “I love you, you know that,” he said in his soft, deep voice. 

He closed his eyes and breathed in deep. While they were closed, you leaned forward to him, placing the most gentle kiss on his cheek. 

He opened his eyes and smiled at you. 

“Come on,” he whispered, opening the car door and getting out. 

“Jake, what the hell are you doing?” you asked as he opened your door and dragged you out by your hands and walked with you to the front of the Jeep. 

“Get on,” he said, putting his hands on your waist and lifting you onto the hood of the car. 

The coldness of the metal hit the backs of your legs. He climbed up and crawled behind you. He put his legs on either side of you and wrapped his arms around your waist. You rested your hands on top of his.

“Look at the sky,” he began, “don’t you always say you love looking at the night sky? Because when you look up, you feel small compared to how big it is out there?”

You nodded and Jake continued.

“Okay, now think of how big the universe is and how many people and problems there are in the world. What’s going on with us, right now? It’s nothing compared to what’s out there. There’s so much out there,” he said softly.

You turned your head to look at him. He always had a way of bringing you back down and making you feel so comfortable and safe. He felt like home. 

You closed your eyes and breathed deep in his arms for a few minutes, taking in the moment. 

“Jake?” you said after a while.

“Mhm?” he asked.

“Promise me that one day, we’ll see the world together. We’ll see what’s out there.”

“Promise,” he said, kissing the top of your head. 

You knew he would keep that promise.

“Come on, let’s get you home before twelve,” he said as he slid himself off the hood of the car. 

He extended his hands out to you and you hopped off into him. You both got in the car and Jake put one hand on the wheel and the other in your palm, pulling your hand up to his mouth every few minutes to kiss it gently.

The ride home was quiet, but comfortable. Jake pulled into your driveway at 11:58 PM. The living room light was on so you knew your parents were waiting. He walked you to the door and pulled you close before you went inside. 

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay? Night, baby,” he said quietly as he kissed your forehead.

You opened the door and smiled at him before you closed it. Jake walked back to the car and drove home silently, looking up at the stars the whole way home. 

A few days later, after school, you and Jake walked through the front door of the Kiszka home with fast food bags in your hands. When you entered, you were surprised to see two people on the couch. 

It was Josh and a girl in a very similar position you and Jake were caught in last week. The two of them continued at each other as you and Jake took your coats and shoes off. Neither of them realized you were even there.

“Josh, no sex on the family couch remember?” Jake said casually, causing Josh and the girl to jump up from what they were doing. 

You and Jake smiled at him and then at each other as you headed for his room with the bags of fast food and two joints waiting for you in his nightstand drawer.

March 2014:

You and Jake started going out more throughout the past month. He started making just a little bit of money from the bar gigs the band was playing. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for little dinner dates, ice skating, and bowling. 

Jake’s weekends also started getting busier. He would play a show on a Saturday night, not get home until 2 or 3 am on Sunday, and would sleep until noon.

Jake put all his focus on music. He had a lot of faith that his band would go far- especially now that they had Danny with them. However for every other senior in Frankenmuth, Michigan, end of the school year preparations were the focus. Spring break, prom, graduation, and college plans were the only things anyone could talk about. 

You had applied to a few colleges that interested you, mostly ones close to home. Michigan State University was only an hour away and had a good program for what you wanted to do. You were sure you’d go there. However, so did NYU. You applied to both in addition to some safety schools in Michigan and Ohio. 

You convinced Jake to apply to Delta Community College in Saginaw to at least try it out. He got in. But then again, everyone gets into community college. Regardless, his mom was happy to hear that he had a realistic plan for next year in case the whole “Rockstar” thing didn’t work out. 

Josh applied to Michigan State too. He wanted to study film making. He got his acceptance letter last week.

You sat at home on the computer, with your eyes scanning the screen. Jake laid on your bed with his feet up on the wall, eating grapes. 

“When are you gonna be done?” he asked, tilting his head back to look at you.

“In a couple seconds, I just want to check this last one.” 

You had been stalking the admission sites of the schools you applied to in hopes that your application status would go from Pending to Accepted. You would even take Rejected at this point. You just wanted to know. 

“Ugh, nothing yet,” you said as you closed out of the browser and shut the computer screen. 

Jake got up and walked over to you in the chair. He wrapped his arms around your neck and leaned close to your ear. 

“Why don’t you just wait for the letters in the mail like a normal person?” he asked with a hint of flirtation in his voice. “You know you’re gonna get in anyway.”

You sighed, “I don’t know, I just… I want to know now. Like, I just want to know what I’m doing with my life.”

Jake knelt down by your feet, looking up at you. 

“Why rush it? Time is already going by too quickly. Can we just live in this moment? Here? Now?” 

You bent down and wrapped your hands around his neck, resting your chin on the top of his head, “It’s scary, isn’t it? Growing up?” 

“Mhm,” he nodded. 

He broke away from your grasp and stood up, standing behind your chair again, and looking at you through your reflection in the mirror in front of you as he spoke. 

“You know what’s coming up that’s good though?” he asked. 

“What?” you asked sweetly.

“My show tomorrow. And you’re gonna be there,” he sang as he nuzzled his face into your neck, tickling you with his hair. 

“Yeah I’m finally gonna see you be a rockstar.”

“Don’t get your hopes up. It’s just a little bar gig,” he laughed.

“Well, I know I’ll love it no matter what,” you said, looking at his reflection. 

You turned your head and connected your lips with his. 

“Oooh, do I have my first groupie?” he said as he pulled back just a bit.

“Mmm, oh my God, Jake you’re soooo hot! Play that song for me again and do me in your dressing room!” you teased him in an exaggerated voice.

You both giggled at how ridiculous the thought was.

“No really. One day I’ll have groupies. And they’ll travel from all over to come see me. And they’ll throw their bras on stage,” he laughed and shook his head. “Heh. No, I’m just kidding. But imagine if that actually happened?” he smiled wide as he thought about it. 

Even though he was just joking, you knew that was what he wanted. That was the only thing he wanted. Jake was going to be a rockstar. No matter what.

When Jake left your house that afternoon, you noticed a pile of mail on the dining room table. You didn’t say anything. Jake had to get home for band practice and you didn’t want to dwell on the college stuff with him again. He had to focus on the show tomorrow. 

As you closed the door behind Jake, you eyed the little green MSU logo on one of the envelopes. You decided you would open it tomorrow. Jake was right- time was going by quickly and you wanted just one more day of not thinking about the fast approaching future.

The next day, you got to the bar around 9 so the band would be able to set up. You sat at a high top table with Ronnie and Jake’s mom while the guys prepared the stage. It was just a dive bar about 30 minutes outside Frankenmuth. It was dead at this point of the night. They weren’t going on until 11 so you had a lot of time to kill. Once the stage was set up, Jake came over to you with three beers in hand.

“For my ladies,” he said, putting them on the table. 

The guys played here often and the owner liked them so beer on tap was free for them. You looked across the room and saw Sam and Danny in the corner, filling up red soda cups with the beer. As two kids who clearly still looked like they were in middle school, they had to be a little more subtle about it than everyone else. 

Karen only allowed them one drink before the show and one after. But you knew better than her. You once saw Sam chug vodka from a bottle Josh had hidden under his bed. Who would have thought that little nerd had it in him?

“Thank you, Sir,” you joked as you took the beer from Jake and put the glass to your lips. You took a sip and held it out to him. He grabbed the glass and took one too, handing it back to you afterwards. Jake put his arm around your waist and kissed you on the cheek.

You put the glass down and snuck your hands around his waist. 

“Can we talk for a second?” you asked. 

“Yeah, sure,” he said as he backed away to let you hop down off the stool. 

You walked over to a quieter spot near the front entrance to the bar and held out a piece of paper to him. 

“Everything okay?” he asked. 

“Read it,” you said.

He saw the green logo at the top and then looked at you, worried. He opened the folded paper, his eyes scanned over the words, and he mumbled through the sentences quickly. 

His mouth opened slightly and he let out a breath, “You got in?” he whispered.

You nodded, biting your lip and looking up at him.

“Holy shit! You got in!” he said louder. 

His eyes lit up and he pulled you in by the waist and kissed you hard, you felt a small smile on his lips for the duration of the kiss.

You broke away from each other and smiled. He held you there for a minute more, just looking in your eyes. “Now you can relax, right?” 

“Yeah,” you sighed happily, “I’m gonna go tell Josh,” you said excitedly as you started to part from Jake.

Jake stayed where you left him as you walked over to Josh. As you spoke, he watched Josh’s face light up when you told him the news. Josh picked you up and spun you around, and then grabbed your arms and shook you around a little. 

Jake smiled bittersweetly to himself. He was happy for you and Josh. But things were changing. For someone who was always so sure of his future, he was starting to question himself. 

The bar started filling with more customers as the night went on. Some were regulars who talked with the bartenders and manager. Some were people who just came for a casual drink. The Wagner family was there and Danny’s parents and sister came to sit with you guys. You all talked and laughed until it was time for the boys to come on stage. 

Danny walked on first and sat down at his kit. Sam slung his bass over his head. Josh fiddled with the mic stand and wrapped the cord around his arm. Jake put his guitar on and gave it a strum, letting the audience know they were ready. You recognized the chord he played, it was the one he taught you the first time you were at his house. 

“Hello, everyone,” Josh began, “We are Greta Van Fleet, and we are honored to play for you this delightful evening.” 

Danny hit his sticks together in a 4 beat countdown and they began. 

They captivated the crowd the second they started. Some of the regulars were used to them, but even the people who didn’t know them looked impressed. They played a few songs, all ones you recognized from sitting in at some band rehearsals. Some were theirs and some were covers of songs they loved.

“This next one is a bit new. We’re gonna slow it down a little if that’s alright with you all.” Josh stated as he pulled a stool towards the mic. 

Jake took off his red electric guitar and swapped it for his acoustic one. 

“It’s called ‘Flower Power,’” Josh said, motioning to Jake to begin. 

Jake began to strum, looking down at the guitar. The song was cute and a  little folky, which you knew was something that inspired Jake a lot. 

You concentrated on the words Josh sang…

“It turns to night,

Firelight.

Star shines in her eye. 

Makes me feel like I’m alive” 

Then it hit you. This song. It was about you. 

You looked at Jake from where you were sitting. He knew you figured it out judging by how your hand was covering your mouth. His lips were fighting back a smile. He looked down at the guitar as he played, shaking his head a little. He didn’t want to break his hard rockstar exterior and he knew if he made eye contact with you, he would lose it. 

They finished up their set, took a break, and did another. Each time, they were met with a large applause at the end. Jake jumped off the stage and walked towards you. People patted him on the back as he walked by, saying “Good job, kid,” as he passed them. 

“I have to go take down the stage and load up in a second. But, what did you think?” he asked, leaning his elbows on the table.

“You were amazing,” you said, grabbing his sweaty face and giving him a soft kiss. You teased your tongue at him but pulled back after tasting the salty sweat covering his upper lip.

“Yeah there was a pretty girl in the audience I wanted to impress,” he smirked.

“I bet she’s a hot groupie,” you teased him.

“Yeah, she didn’t throw her bra on stage but maybe she’ll come do me in the bathroom,” he joked. 

“Shut up and go help your brothers,” you said, slapping his arm lightly. 

Jake walked away and left you with Ronnie at the table.

 “You guys are disgustingly cute,” she said, “I’m gonna miss you next year. I probably won’t miss Josh too much though. It’ll be nice and quiet without him.”

“Yeah it’ll be weird. But probably a little hard with all three of us being in college though.”

“All three of you?” she asked, eyebrows furrowed, head tilted to the side.

“Yeah, Jake’s going to Delta and Josh and I are going to Michigan State. But we’ll probably be home most weekends.”

“You sure about that? Jake told our parents last week that he’s not going and they can’t make him.”

Your mouth dropped open a bit, your eyes panned down to the floor, and you breathed out hard.

You looked back at Ronnie. Her lips were tucked in between her teeth. She knew saying that was probably a mistake. 

“He didn’t tell you,” she concluded.

You shook your head and got up, “Ronnie, I- I’ll talk to you later.”

You walked out the back door of the bar and watched Jake load the last amp into the van and shut the van’s back door. It was raining slightly and he was about to walk back inside but stopped after seeing you in the doorway.

“Hey, ready to go?” he asked.

You looked at him, expressionless.

“Are you okay-”

“When were you going to tell me?” you cut him off and crossed your arms. 

The rain started getting heavier. You both stood there, letting it fall on you. It was almost refreshing after being in the hot, sweaty bar for the past few hours.

“Tell you what?” 

“That you weren’t going to college?”

Jake rolled his eyes and scoffed. 

“Let me guess, Ronnie told you? It’s really not a big deal, I don’t even need it anyway.”

“Not even to fall back on?”

“What do you mean ‘fall back on?’ What, you don’t believe in me?”

“Jake, I never said that.”

“Well it’s obvious you’re thinking it. Tell me the truth, Baby,” he replied harshly. 

You sighed and dropped your arms to your sides, “Jake, I love you but this band thing- you really think it’s going to go anywhere? At some point you have to be realistic.”

He got loud, “I am being realistic! I’m not smart like Sam! I’m not creative like Josh! I’m stup-”

“You’re Jake,” you assured him, calmly, stepping towards him, “That’s all you need to be.”

You grabbed him around the waist and pulled him in. The rain caused his hair to stick together in wet clumps. His t-shirt turned a darker color with the water it had soaked up. 

His expression changed. His eyes softened. His shoulders dropped and he looked down to the ground. You’ve never seen him sad before. He looked absolutely defeated.

“Since when is being Jake something to brag about?” he sighed and rolled his eyes. 

You grabbed his chin with your hands and moved his face towards yours. The rain fell in between your faces, making it hard for you to see him clearly.

“Look at me, Jacob,” you said sternly with his chin in your hand, moving it up a little. He wouldn’t look you in the eye until you forced him. 

His eyes moved to meet yours. Rain droplets caught on his eyelashes, hiding the fact that tears were forming in his eyes. He was breathing out through his nose hard and his lips were quivering.

You let go of his chin and held onto his face lightly with your palm.

“Jake, I’ve never met anyone like you. The way you play guitar? You’re good. You’re more than good, you’re amazing. So yeah, Sam is smart. Josh is creative. But you? Jake, you’re talented.”

“I thought you said it wasn’t going anywhere,” he mumbled.

You sighed and closed your eyes for a moment.

“You know what I mean. Just promise me you won’t get your hopes up. Not everyone makes it. I’m not saying I don’t believe in you. I’m just saying-”

“I know,” he interjected, “I know.” 

Jake had wanted this for as long as he could remember. This was all he ever wanted. Music was all he knew. But as he felt his childhood slipping away and real life sneaking up behind him, he could see his dreams getting farther out of reach.

You pulled him into a hug and held onto him for an extra minute out there with your head on his shoulder. Neither of you cared that you were in the rain. You pulled your head back and kissed him gently on the lips. He pulled his hands from behind you and brought them to your face, wiping away the mascara that was running down your cheeks. 

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” you replied, “but, no more secrets.” 

He nodded, “No more secrets. Now, come on, let’s get out of here. It’s 2 in the morning.” 

Jake let go of you and led you back inside. You opened the door to see the rest of the group ready to go. 

Josh and Sam hopped on either side of you, linking their arms with yours. Danny followed close behind, holding onto your shoulders.

“So,” Sam began, “What did you think? Am I your favorite?” 

“It was amazing. But I’m sorry, Sam, I have a favorite already. You come in at a close second though. If only you were a little older,” you teased.

“How do you feel about twins?” Josh asked, raising an eyebrow at you. 

Jake pushed through them, wrapped his arm around your waist, and pulled you out of their hold. 

“Okay, enough! She’s my groupie and I’m not sharing!” he announced, placing a dramatic kiss on your cheek with a “mwah” sound. 

“I actually have a question for Josh,” you stated, smirking.

“Are you considering the twin thing?” he asked, jokingly.

“No,” you said with a laugh. “I just want to know… Who the hell is ‘Mama?’”

Sam and Danny threw their heads back and laughed obnoxiously. 

“Ohhhh Mamaaaa!” they both sang out in unison.

Jake pushed his body into yours playfully and looked at Josh, biting his bottom lip, waiting for his response.

“The world may never know!” Josh said mysteriously as he ran out the front door of the bar, into the rain, and dove into the backseat of the white Jeep. 

Jake drove you home with Josh in the backseat, rambling on about something neither you nor Jake really understood. It was something about getting sick from being out in the cold and rain. You just smiled, nodded, and gave him the occasional “Mhmm.”

When you got home, you went to your room and saw a large envelope on your bed that read “New York University.” You knew what that meant. Everyone knew what that meant. You opened the envelope with shaking hands. 

You read, “Congratulations! You have been admitted to New York University for the Fall 2014 semester.” 

Fuck.

When Jake got home, Sam was already asleep and Josh ran into the shower. Jake paced around his room. He looked at the film posters and sketches Josh had taped all over his wall. He picked up the papers off of Josh’s shelf.

He read, “Mr. Joshua Kiszka, Congratulations! You have been admitted to Michigan State University for the Fall 2014 semester.” 

He put down the letter and looked over at Sam sleeping and looked up the wall just above his head. Awards and certificates from robotics club, junior debate team, and honor roll were lined up one after the other. He sighed. 

He looked over at his guitar sitting on his bed and smiled.

“Fuck college. I’m talented. I’m gonna make it,” he paused, “one day.”

April 2014:

Spring was finally here. All the snow had melted, little leaf buds were poking out of the tree branches, and the sun was shining warm for the first time in what felt like forever. 

You and Jake decided you were going to make the best of the warm weather. Jake’s favorite thing to do was to take you on hikes. He fit in perfectly with nature. He knew all these secret places in town with paths, hills, and cliffsides that he explored with you.

He would pick up frogs, take his shoes off and walk through creeks with you on his back, and feed deer that came close enough to him. One day, you were walking in the woods far behind his house. Jake was in front of you, in search of something that he wanted to show you. Once you walked far enough, you came to a huge boulder the size of a car. 

“Here it is!” he said, looking back at you.

“A giant rock?” you asked, laughing.

“No! Well, yeah,” he laughed. “But it’s not just any rock. This one is special,” he said.

It was as tall as he was, maybe a little taller. He expertly climbed up to the top of it and held his hand out for you to follow him. You used his hand to pull you up and then you both sat down on top of it with your legs dangling off the edge. Even though it was spring, the surface of the rock was still cold and you felt the chill of it through your jeans. 

“What’s so special about this rock?” you asked playfully.

“A lot of firsts happened here,” he began, counting on his fingers, “First time I punched Josh in the face, first time I threw up drunk,” he laughed and paused for a second, “first kiss.” 

“Ooh first kiss?” you teased, pushing him a little. 

“Mhmm, Madison Carter, seventh grade.” 

“You kissed Madison Carter?” you asked, kind of shocked at his choice of girl. She was not Jake’s ‘type’ at all. She was the definition of a stereotypical, mean, popular girl. 

“Are you jealous?” he teased, stretching the word while flashing you that full toothed smile and wide eyes. 

“Is Madison Carter here with you now?” you asked, your voice going up an octave with the question. 

“No…” he said slowly.

“Then no. I’m not jealous,” you stated matter of factly, “I know I could kiss you better than her anyway.” 

“Yeah?” he raised his eyebrows, “prove it.”

Slowly, you leaned your head closer to his and watched him close his eyes in anticipation. You closed the gap between the two of you, connecting your lips to his. He snaked his hand around your waist and pulled you closer. You grabbed the back of his neck and bit down on his bottom lip lightly, holding onto it with your teeth. You pulled your head away to break from him, while still holding his bottom lip in between your teeth. After a few seconds, you let go and watched his lip fall back into place as he opened his eyes.

His mouth hung open for a second and he looked shocked. Almost as if he couldn’t believe you just did that to him. His shocked expression faded into a smile as he spoke.

“Eh, I guess that was a little better,” he teased. 

You turned your body to face him, sat criss crossed, and rested your hands on his thigh. 

“So, what’s the ‘first’ that’s happening right now?” You asked.

“I’m with my first love,” he said as a satisfied smile spread across his face. 

You looked down and smiled. When you looked back up, his expression was serious. He looked at you and his soft, tired eyes had the most loving look in them. You looked deep into them. The sunlight highlighted the caramel and gold colors which bursted out of the chocolate brown base of his irises. 

He picked your hands up off his lap and planted kisses to your knuckles.

He lowered them down and continued, “It’s also a last, though,” he sighed, “My last day of being seventeen.”

You brushed the hair out of his eyes and dragged your hand down his cheek, rubbing the top of his cheekbone with your thumb. 

“Bittersweet, huh?” you asked quietly.

He nodded and started to get up, brushing off the back of his jeans with his hands as he stood. 

“But! I get my license tomorrow. I mean, if it all goes well, ya know?” 

Jake stood up on the rock and looked down at the ground below him. Quickly, he flung himself off it and landed on his feet with a thud. He turned around to face you and waved for you to jump. 

“Jake I am not jumping off this,” you warned.

“Baby, come on, it’s not even that high off the ground. This is a spot for first times! Jump!”

You shook your head at him quickly and smiled, biting your bottom lip.

“Would you like this to be the first time I break a bone?” you asked, jokingly but also seriously. 

“Here, I’ll catch you,” he said, taking a step closer and extending his arms out.

You stood up slowly, closed your eyes, and breathed out hard. You bent your legs, swung your arms back a little, and pushed your feet off the rock, jumping down to Jake below you.

Your body crashed into his. You felt his arms grab you tight around your back. His legs stumbled with the force of you crashing into him. He fell backwards onto the ground with you on top of him. Both of you laughed as you hit the ground.

“I thought you said you would catch me!” You teased him.

“I did, didn’t I?” He laughed as his shoulders moved up and down and his whole body shook from laughing. His eyes squinted into two little crescent moons. 

You sat up, straddled his waist, and leaned down to kiss him gently. 

He broke away from you and smiled, placing his head back down on the ground.

“You know, we’re sitting in the exact spot I threw up in,” he giggled. 

“You’re absolutely disgusting,” you laughed as you crawled off him and extended your hand to lift him to his feet. 

Together you walked back to civilization with him leading the way.

Jake didn’t know it then, but there was also another last that day. It was the last time he would ever go back to that spot. 

April 23, 2014:

It was Jake’s 18th birthday. You were getting ready to go to the Kiszka’s house to celebrate Jake and Josh’s big day when the doorbell rang. You went downstairs and opened the door to see Jake standing there with a huge smile on his face. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked, in shock, practically forgetting it was his birthday.

His eyes squinted as he flashed a little white card in between his fingers. 

“Is that what I think it is?” You asked suspiciously.

“Fuck yeah! I’m legal, baby!” He said, picking you up and spinning you around. 

He planted a deep kiss on your lips while lifting you up. 

“Happy birthday, Baby,” you giggled as he held you in the air, holding you under your butt.

He scrunched up his nose as you sprinkled his face with a bunch of tiny kisses.

He put you down and put his freshly earned license in his wallet.

“Come on, go pack a bag. We’re going on a trip.”

“What?” You asked. 

“You heard me, we’re going on a trip,” he repeated.

“Where?”

“So many questions!” he joked. “Get upstairs, go!” 

He smacked your ass lightly before turning you around by the shoulders and gently pushing you back into your house. 

He followed you up the stairs, down the hallway, and towards your room. Before you entered, you turned to him.

“Wait here for a second,” you said, sliding into the room and closing the door behind you.

“Are you hiding my present?” he asked from the other side of the door. He sounded like a little kid on Christmas waiting for Santa.

“Maybe,” you flirted.

You slid his present into your backpack carefully and slid the NYU acceptance paperwork into your desk drawer. You hadn’t brought it up to him yet. You planned to tell him after his birthday, when the time was right.

You opened the door back up to see Jake leaning against the hallway wall, arms folded, eyes closed, and a small smile spread across his face. You smiled at him and shook your head. 

“Get in here,” you said as you grabbed his wrist, and pulled him out of his trance and into your room. 

Jake still wouldn’t tell you where you were going or how long you were going for. You held stuff up to him and he would either say “yes” or “no” depending on if he thought you would need it or not. As he gave you his approval of things, you put them in your backpack. 

You held up a black bra and a matching thong, raising your eyebrows at him. You placed them on your bed in front of him. You watched his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed hard. 

You spoke slowly and ran your fingers over the lace details of the pieces, “Do you think I-”

“Yeah you need those. You definitely need those,” he said as he nodded his head quickly with his eyes wide.

You giggled, put the set in your backpack, and looked back at him. He was looking down and you caught a glimpse of that little nervous smile on his face. 

After a few more approvals and disapprovals of things, he said, “Okay that’s good. Let’s go.”

It looked to be enough stuff for just a day or two. You went to the bathroom to get your toothbrush and some other toiletries. Jake leaned against the doorframe, impatiently tapping his fingers on the wall as you carefully put the items into the front pocket of your backpack. 

When you were done, you went downstairs to explain to your mom what was going on and somehow, she already knew, giving Jake a wink from across the room. 

“Did you…” you began.

“Why do you think I told you to get your laundry done yesterday?” she asked, smirking.

You said goodbye to her and Jake led you back to the Jeep in your driveway. He opened the passenger side door for you to get in and took your backpack and placed it in the backseat. You turned back to look at him as he moved things around back there, giving you a peek at a large case of beer that was covered with a blanket and smiling mischievously at you. 

“Since when can 18 year olds buy beer?” you asked, jokingly.

“I’m 22 according to the state of Georgia,” he said as he closed the back door and opened the front. 

He got in the driver’s seat, put the car in gear, and slowly backed out of the driveway.

After a few minutes, you saw the AUF WIEDERSEHEN sign which indicated you were leaving town. Now that he had his license, he could go anywhere he wanted. 

Today was his 18th birthday. He could be doing anything right now. He could be spending the day with his family- and his twin brother. But here he was, spending it with you.

Part of you felt like you didn’t deserve him. You tried not to think about the secret you were holding from him. Especially when just last month you made him promise he wouldn’t keep any secrets from you. But you put those thoughts in the back of your mind for the time being.

Jake drove on the highway for a while, holding your leg with his right hand the entire time like he always did and tapping his fingers on it to the music on the radio. 

“Do you want me to tell you where we’re going now?” he asked as he gave your leg a squeeze.

“Ugh finally! Yes, please,” you practically begged. 

You turned your body to face him, and his eyes never left the road as he spoke. 

“So, my family has this cabin up by Lake Huron. We go every summer for a few weeks. I’ve been wanting to take you there for ages but my mom said I had to have my license first. So now that I do, I can finally take you,” he said happily.

“You could be doing anything in the world today and you’re spending the day with me?” You asked, sounding a little guilty. “What about Josh? And your parents?”

“Baby, I have spent every second of the last eighteen years with Josh. I can’t remember a single day I spent without him. I need a break from him. Besides, my parents knew I would be leaving today so we did something last night,” he assured you.

Jake opened all the windows to the car and the fresh air blasted through, blowing wind through your hair. You felt a sudden burst of freedom you had never felt before. You and Jake were both officially adults. It felt weird. But it felt good. 

He extended his left arm out the window and let out the happiest “Ahhh” you had ever heard. There was pure joy behind it. Like he felt completely at ease and at peace for the first time in a long time.

After an hour or so, Jake steered off the highway and through winding back roads with cute little cabins and cottages staggered throughout the wooded area. He turned into a gravel driveway and looked over at you as he put the car in park. 

“This is it!” he said excitedly. 

It was a typical Michigan lake cabin. A two story house with wood siding, a front porch, and slightly overgrown trees and bushes covering the yard and blocking most of the windows. 

He jumped out of his side of the car and ran over to you, opening the passenger door and extending his hand to you. You hopped out onto the gravel driveway and he led you up the stairs and towards the front door. 

He jiggled the key in the lock and when he opened it, he bent down to pick you up. He grabbed the back of your legs and placed his other arm around your back. You held your hands around his neck and he kicked the door open, walking with you in his arms through the doorway, giggling. 

The walls were covered with wood paneling, framed paintings of nature scenes, and a staircase leading up to a balcony which looked down on the living room and kitchen. It was exactly what you pictured. 

Jake carried you upstairs into the master bedroom. He threw you down on the bed and you laid back, resting on your elbows. He looked down at you with love in his eyes and bit his bottom lip.

“C’mere,” you whispered.

Slowly, he came closer to you. Lowering himself on top of you and placing soft kisses all over your face. You connected your lips with his and kissed him hard. He teased his tongue against your bottom lip and you let him in. You repeated the action to him. He pulled away from your lips and attached his to your neck. His lips were wet, and warm on the sensitive skin of your neck. His movements gave your whole body goosebumps. The combination of him sucking, biting, and smoothing his tongue over the slightly bruised spots sent you into another world. 

“Mmm, Jake,” you moaned.

“Yeah, you like that?” he asked, as his voice vibrated against your neck, making you giggle. 

He continued at you like that for a few minutes. Both of you started teasing each other, tugging at clothes, and wandering hands up and down each other’s bodies, wanting more and seeing how far the other person would take things.

Finally, you moved your neck and pushed his face away. He looked down at you with those soft, tired eyes again.

“You okay?” he breathed out, looking deep into your eyes with concern.

“Yeah, just let me look at you for a second,” you whispered, cupping his face in your hand and rubbing his cheek with your thumb.

You wanted to get a good look at him. Something inside you told you to remember this moment. Your eyes scanned his face. He was different since the first time you kissed him. His face had less baby fat on it, making his jaw sharper. The acne that was once on his forehead had faded away. His hair was longer and straighter. His cheeks and chin were rougher with more facial hair poking through. He had little brown dots just above his lip from where he had recently shaved. 

For the first time, you saw him as a man.

“You’re beautiful,” you said, almost in a whisper.

Jake smiled.

“I love you,” you said.

“I love you,” he replied as he placed the most delicate kiss on your lips. 

“But,” he said, “we can't do this here. I’m pretty sure Sam was conceived in this bed.”

He had a look of disgust on his face and he looked down before continuing, “Actually, Josh and I probably were too now that I think about it.”

“Ew,” you laughed as you started to sit up.

Jake sat up and shook his hair out, regaining his composure after those past few heated minutes and his little epiphany. You sat up and grabbed his hands and pulled them into your lap.

“Do you want your present now?” you asked with your eyes glimmering.

“Okay!” he said happily.

You slid off the bed, bent over with your back facing him, and dug into your backpack.

“Close your eyes,” you said flirtatiously. 

“But I like this view,” he teased.

You turned your head around and gave him a “really?” kind of look. 

Jake reluctantly closed his eyes and you turned around with the wrapped gift. You placed it in his lap and allowed him to open his eyes. 

“Oooh,” he said, looking at the gift and looking at you. Judging by the shape, it was obvious that it was a vinyl record. 

He ripped off the paper and his eyes widened. 

“No way! Where the hell did you find this? I’ve been looking for this everywhere!” 

“I got a little help from a certain little brother of yours,” you laughed. 

He laughed, shook his head, and looked down at it like it was made of gold.

“Stephen Stills, the first one,” he breathed out, shocked.

“Do you like it?”

“Do I like it? Baby, one of the best songs of all time is on this album.” 

All you could do was stare at him and smile. He had a glow in his eyes. You recognized that glow anywhere because it was the same look in his eyes that he had every time he looked at you. 

“I love it, thank you,” he said, looking up at you and pushing his lips out for you to kiss him. 

You spent the afternoon and early part of the evening exploring outside with him. He took you places he explored with his siblings as a kid. And of course, he showed you yet another place where he cracked his head open. 

You sat on a hilltop and watched the sunset in his arms. He held you tight and hummed songs in your ear as the two of you watched the sky change from blue, to orange, to black. 

You felt completely safe in his arms. No matter where you were, when you were with him, you were home. 

You walked back to the cabin in the moonlight. When you got back, Jake ordered a pizza while you showered; and then he showered himself. While he was upstairs, you found an unopened bottle of wine and glasses in a cabinet. You took out two and poured some of the dark burgundy liquid in each. 

He walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. His hair was damp and he was wearing plaid pajama pants and a forest green t-shirt. The shoulders of the shirt were sprinkled with little drops of water that fell from his hair.

“Ooh, what’s this for?” He asked as he spotted the glasses on the kitchen counter.

“You, birthday boy,” you said, approaching him and pulling him in for a kiss. 

He held your waist and leaned back, looking at you up and down. 

All you had on was a big white t-shirt with a little black “Greta Van Fleet” logo in the top corner. The shirt was just see through enough for him to know what you were wearing underneath- the black lace set you held up for him in your room earlier. 

“Mmm, happy birthday to me,” he said as he licked his lips. 

He reached for the glasses, handing you one. You clinked them together and each took a sip.

He gasped quietly and whispered, “The record!” 

He pulled away, ran up the stairs, and came back down with it in his hands. He was skipping around a little bit as he walked over to the record player. You could tell he was excited. He took it out of the casing and held the sides with his fingertips delicately. He placed it on the turntable and set the needle on it carefully. 

The beginning of the first song of the album filled the air. He closed his eyes, tilted his head back, and smiled. He was in heaven.

He moved his head along with the song and walked over to you slowly. He extended his hand and leaned back on one foot.

“Dance with me,” he said. 

You took his hand and he pulled you towards him. He gave you a kiss on the cheek and then spun you around. He pulled you back in and sang in your ear as he rocked you back and forth,

“There’s a rose in the fisted glove

And the eagle flies with the dove

And if you can’t be with the one you love, honey

Love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with.”

You spun out of his arms and faced him. You grabbed his hands in yours as he continued to sing. He closed his eyes and smiled the biggest smile you’ve ever seen from him. 

He started singing louder and he swayed back and forth, holding onto your hands lightly, spinning you around the kitchen as the song continued.

“Don’t be angry, don’t be sad

Don’t sit crying over good times you’ve had,”

He let go of your hands and pointed at you. 

“There’s a girl right next to you,

And she’s just waiting for something to do.”

You giggled and shook your head at how silly he was being. He looked absolutely adorable. 

Jake spun himself around on his feet and ran back to you to scoop you up again. You held him around his back and put your head on his chest. You rocked back and forth with him again as the song carried on.

He picked you up by the waist and put you on the counter. You wrapped your legs around him. 

“Love the one you’re with

Love the one you’re with

Love the one you’re with

Love the one you’re with,” 

you both sang out, kissing each other between each line.

As the song ended and as the next one began, Jake pulled you off the countertop and into a deep hug. You rested your head on his shoulder and he rubbed your back. 

“I absolutely love you,” he said, “you’re my forever, you know that?”

You looked at him. His eyes were filled with happiness and love.

“Forever?” You asked.

“Forever,” he repeated. 

He kissed your forehead lovingly and held you there for a few more minutes until the pizza arrived.

The both of you listened to the rest of the record as you ate. He explained which songs were his favorites and why. You could listen to him talk about music all day. He had such deep thoughts about it. You never thought about music this way, until he came along. He showed you that music should make you feel something. It should spark something inside of you in a way nothing else ever could. It should set your soul free and make you feel at home. 

You and Jake drank a lot of beer that night, stayed up late giggling and messing around, and ended up falling asleep in the early morning hours on the couch with the fireplace going. 

You spent all of the next day together out in nature and in the little downtown area you stayed near, and then drove home at night. 

Jake took you home and when he got home, he showed the record to his siblings. 

“I tried getting this like a month ago on Ebay but someone outbid me,” he explained to Sam.

“Hmm, I wonder who that was?” Sam chuckled.

“She didn’t…” he said. 

“She did,” Sam replied, smiling.

Jake fell back on his bed, laughing to himself. He was absolutely, utterly, and completely in love and everyone around him knew it. 

Sam got up off his bed to leave Jake alone in his own world and before he left completely, he turned to Jake and said, “Stephen Stills 2 is better though,” with a huge smirk on his face. 

May 2014:

Senior year was coming to an end. There were just two months left of school and the kids and teachers had all given up. Each afternoon was dedicated to figuring out details for prom and graduation. 

You knew you were going to prom with Jake. He didn’t even have to ask you. It was obvious. 

You got to his house when the school day was over to spend the afternoon together. It was a Friday so your parents allowed you to stay there later. They were also okay with you occasionally sleeping at Jake’s house on weekends if it was too late at night for him to drive you back.

Jake opened the door and the two of you walked into the kitchen to get something to eat. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said, walking down the hallway to his room. You heard the door close and open a minute later and the sound of his footsteps got louder as he approached the kitchen again. 

His hands were behind his back and he was breathing heavily. 

“What are you doing?” You laughed as you opened a jar of cookies.

“I want to ask you something,” he replied nervously.

“You’re scaring me, Jake,” you said. 

He pulled his hands from behind his back, holding a bouquet of a dozen red roses out to you. 

“Y/N,” he began, “Will you go to prom with me?” He asked, biting his lip.

You took the bouquet in your hands and looked at it. Each rose was perfectly blossomed and accompanied by tiny little babies breath flowers and green leaves. You smiled brightly back at him and looked down at the bouquet, admiring it for a moment. You looked back up at him to see that his face was still full of worry.

“Eh, I’m gonna have to think about it,” you joked.

“Shut up!” he laughed.

Holding the roses, you crossed your hands behind his back and pulled him in. 

“Of course I’ll go to prom with you,” you said, connecting your lips with his in a deep kiss. 

He grabbed the back of your neck and continued kissing you, humming into your mouth and going for more of you until you heard a coughing sound from in the doorway. 

It was Josh standing there. He made a gagging noise, walked over to you and Jake, pushed between the two of you, and hopped up on the counter, taking the jar of cookies in his lap. 

You put the bouquet of flowers down on the counter. Josh handed you a cookie and threw one at Jake. 

“So prom?” he asked, “are you guys officially going together, or did she say no?” he joked.

“Judging by what you just walked in on, I think you can assume she said yes,” Jake stated.

Josh nodded approvingly. 

“Are you going with anyone, Josh?” you asked.

“Kind of,” he shrugged, “the drama kids are all going as a group. We rented a lake house for the weekend after if you guys want to come.” 

Jake grabbed another cookie out of the jar and bit a piece off, talking with a piece of the cookie in his mouth. 

“No offense, Joshua, but spending prom weekend with a bunch of drunk theater kids isn’t exactly what I had in mind,” Jake laughed. 

You smiled at him and held back your laughter. 

“It’ll be fun but suit yourself!” Josh said as he jumped off the countertop and skipped out the room with his footsteps fading as he went down the hallway.

You heard the boys’ bedroom door shut and Jake grabbed you by the waist, closing the gap between you previously made by Josh. 

“Mmm, get over here,” he said, connecting your lips to his again, softly. You tasted the sweet flavor of chocolate on his lips.

You pulled back. His hands were connected behind your back and yours ran up and down his chest. 

“So what exactly do you have in mind for prom weekend?” you asked, as you moved your hands down to his stomach.

“I don’t know yet,” he said, “But I know I’m gonna be with you. That’s all I need to know right now.” 

“Well, I might have something in mind,” you said quietly, looking down, and playing with the bottom of his t-shirt.

He lifted your chin up to look at him. His eyes squinted a little, like he was trying to read your face for an answer to an unspoken question. You didn’t have to say anything. He knew what you were thinking. 

“Are you trying to tell me you’re-”

“Ready?” you interrupted.

He nodded.

“Yeah,” you whispered.

Jake breathed in sharply and held it in for a second. Even though he knew it was coming, he was still a little stunned. 

He breathed out slowly and let go of your chin. He put both his hands on your face with his thumbs resting on your cheeks, and looked into your eyes. 

“You’re sure?” he whispered.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life,” you replied.

Jake swallowed hard. His eyes darted all over your face and his mouth opened a little. He didn’t know what to say. He always had a smooth comeback of something to say. But this time, he didn’t. He was speechless. You knew his thoughts were racing.

“Jake, say something,” you practically begged.

Before you knew it, his lips crashed into yours. He kissed you hard and passionately. The kiss was unlike any other you’d ever experienced before. It was rough and needy. It sent shivers down your spine and made the hair on the back of your neck stand up. He was going at you hungrily. You started laughing and broke away from him. 

“Jesus, Jake! I didn’t mean right now!” you joked. 

He laughed to himself, realizing he got carried away. 

“I know, I’m sorry,” he said, still laughing. 

He let you go and leaned against the counter next to you. He popped another cookie into his mouth and chewed, looking at you with a stupid smile on his face as his jaw moved up and down. 

You slapped him lightly across his chest. 

“What?” you asked, giggling.

“Nothing!” he laughed, “I just love you, that’s all.” 

You kissed the tip of his nose, “Mhm, love you too. Now, come on.”

You grabbed the jar of cookies and he followed you out of the kitchen and onto the couch. You sat down and he threw himself down next to you. He grabbed your legs and pulled them onto his lap. He rubbed up and down your thighs before digging his hand into the jar again. 

“You know this is so cliche right? Losing our virginities on prom night?” he joked.

“Keep talking and I’ll make you wait longer,” you warned him playfully. 

He closed his mouth tightly and looked at you through the corners of his eyes, holding back laughter. He put another cookie into his mouth and fought back a smile as he chewed. 

“How many of these are you going to eat?” you laughed.

“You’re right, I should stop. I have to watch my figure,” he teased, “You’re gonna see me naked soon.” 

Prom Night:

You sat at your desk, putting the finishing touches on your makeup. The bouquet of roses Jake gave you was sitting in a vase of water on your desk next to you. They had been slowly dying but you kept them anyway. 

Once you finished, you carefully put on your dress. It was a deep burgundy color that had sequin embellishments on the top half, a sweetheart neckline, and straps that rested just off your shoulders. It hugged your hips and flared out a little at the bottom perfectly. You ran your hands down your body, looked at yourself in the mirror and took a deep breath. Tonight was the night. You were ready. There was no doubt in your mind. 

You mom knocked on the door and poked her head through to tell you Jake had arrived. You gave yourself one last look of approval, and went to meet him.

As you got to the top of the stairs, you looked down and saw him standing there, talking to your parents. He was wearing a sharp black suit with a burgundy tie to match your dress. In his hand, he held a corsage. His hair was long and covered his forehead and the sides of his face. You had never seen him dressed up before. He looked perfect. 

Jake turned his head and looked up the stairs, smiling. The second he saw you, the smile he had faded and his mouth opened. His eyes never left yours as he watched you walk down the stairs. When you got to the bottom, he walked over to you and put his hand on your waist and moved it to rest on your lower back.

“You look,” he paused for a second, “absolutely beautiful.”

You smiled and looked up at him, “Thank you. You look handsome.” 

He gave you a light kiss and pulled away to take the corsage out of the box and put it on your wrist, a burgundy rose with black ribbons and dark green leaves. You pinned a matching boutonniere to his suit jacket. 

You took pictures and your parents hugged you goodbye. They knew you’d be staying with Jake for the night. 

Jake escorted you out to the car and opened the door for you. He helped you get in and leaned in to kiss you deeper, now that your parents weren’t watching. He stopped and put his hands on the seat, both hands rested on either side of your legs. 

“Seriously,” he began, “you are the most beautiful woman in the world.” 

You took a second to take in the word he used. Woman.

His eyes scanned your face and he shook his head as a smile crept on his face. It was almost like he couldn’t believe what he was looking at. 

The sunset in the distance highlighted the red undertones in his hair and made his eyes sparkle. His skin had a slight tan from him being outside recently. But other than that, something about him was different. He had a confidence about himself you’d never seen in him before. 

Jake got in the driver’s side and held out his hand for you to hold. You took it and he brought it to his mouth and kissed it. He rubbed the top with his thumb as he drove.

When you got to the venue, you met up with Josh and the rest of your friends. Josh was wearing a similar black suit to Jake’s, but with lavender details to match one of his friends. 

“You look radiant,” Josh said as he hugged you.

“Aw thank you! You look so handsome, Joshua,” you replied sweetly. 

“Save a dance for me,” he said as he winked at you and walked back over to his friends. 

You and Jake had a night straight out of a fairytale. You danced with friends and each other the entire time. And of course, you saved a dance for Josh, who you later found out was pretty tipsy from taking shots in the bathroom. Those theater kids really were wild. 

About halfway through the night, you and Jake went outside to get some air. You looked out at the field behind the venue. The sky was filled with what looked to be millions of stars. The moon was full and bright. 

Jake turned you around to face the sky. He held you from behind and rested his head on your shoulder. You rested your hands on top of his and tilted your head back onto him. 

“Can I just hold you for a second?” he asked. 

You nodded, closed your eyes, and breathed in deep with him. 

Jake was taking in the last few moments of innocence he had left. He knew after tonight, things would be different. Things would never be this pure and sweet again. He was saying goodbye to the last part of his childhood. He was about to cross the threshold into becoming a man. He was nervous. But he was ready. 

He closed his eyes and smiled into your neck, kissing it gently and tickling you with his hair. You pulled away and turned around, giving him a soft kiss on the lips. He held your waist and led you back inside to finish the night. 

 When the prom had ended, you said bye to Josh and your friends. Josh kissed you on the cheek and wished you a good night. Jake and Josh hugged tight and did that twin thing they do where they spoke without really saying any words.

You and Jake walked back to his car hand in hand. He stopped you before you got in, placing his hands on your waist and giving you the softest kiss on the lips.

“I had the most amazing time with you tonight,” you said.

“Yeah, me too,” he smiled, biting his lip, “you ready to go home?” he asked.

“Mhm,” you said quietly, nodding your head.

The drive back to Jake’s house was quiet. You both knew why. He was breathing deep in the driver’s seat, his hands were shaking as he held the steering wheel. There was a reason he wasn’t holding your hands or your leg like he normally would. He was nervous and one thing Jake didn’t do well was hide nerves. He got quiet, jittery, and zoned out a little. 

Jake pulled into the empty driveway of the dark house. Only the front door light was on. Sam was at Danny’s house and his parents took Ronnie to visit his grandparents for the weekend. They knew Josh would be away and figured you and Jake would want to be alone anyway.

When you entered the house, it felt like the time he snuck you in, in November. Back then, you were a little nervous. But this time, your heart was pounding and adrenaline was running through your veins like never before. What started as an innocent kiss in his garage had turned into something much bigger than the two of you.

Jake closed the front door behind you and pushed you against it softly as he kissed you. You grabbed the back of his neck and deepened the kiss. You pushed him back a little and saw his eyes still closed, lips wet, and a hint of a smile forming. He opened his eyes and blinked slowly, like he was in a dream.

“Come on,” he whispered.

He grabbed both your hands and pulled you off the door and down the hallway towards his room. You both walked in and he closed the door. He took a deep breath in through his nose and let it back out through his mouth.

The moonlight was coming through the window, shining on his bed. 

You stood in the middle of the room and took off your jewelry, placing it carefully on Josh’s bed. The only piece you kept on was the necklace Jake gave you for Christmas. 

Jake walked over to you, took his tie off, and tossed it next to your jewelry. He unbuttoned the top few buttons of the white shirt he had on and pulled you close to him, resting his hands on your waist. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, looking deep into your eyes.

“I want to give you something no one else can have,” you whispered. 

A small smile appeared on his face and then his expression changed back to being serious as he spoke.

“You tell me if you want me to stop, or if I’m hurting you, okay?” 

“Okay,” you assured him.

“You trust me?” 

“I trust you,” you confirmed.

“I love you,” he said softly.

“I love you too, Jake.” 

Jake took his time with you. He was gentle, sweet, and loving. He was everything you could have asked him to be. You knew he was nervous, but he wanted this to be perfect for you. And it was. It was absolutely perfect. He put all of his anxiety behind him to make sure you were comfortable. He had wanted this for longer than you had and he still made it all about you. 

You laid there next to him with your head on his chest and your legs tangled in his. His breathing slowed down and his heartbeat went back to normal. He rubbed your back and swirled his fingers along your spine. You looked up at him. The moonlight was shining on his face, highlighting his cheekbones and casting shadows over his eyes. The sweat on his face glistened in the faint white light coming through the window.

You sat up a little and reached your hand out to wipe his hair out of his face. The sweat on his forehead caused his hair to curl up just a bit. His eyes were calm and soft. The faintest smile spread across his face as he looked down at you. He was absolutely glowing.

“Thank you,” you whispered, rubbing your thumb over his cheek bone.

He lifted your chin with his knuckle and kissed your forehead. 

“I love you more than ever,” he said quietly. 

You didn’t reply but he didn’t need you to. He knew you loved him more than ever too.  

You thought you loved him that day in the snow. You thought you loved him when he took you to the cliffside and you watched the stars. You thought you loved him when he danced around the kitchen to his favorite song. But at that moment, after giving him the last of yourself, you loved him more than you would ever love him or anyone else.

“Go to sleep, Baby,” he whispered, putting your head back down on his chest and rubbing your back again. 

You fell asleep that night to the sound of his heartbeat and the rising and falling of his chest underneath you. 

You woke up the next morning with Jake’s leg on top of yours,his face nuzzled into your neck, and his arm wrapped around your stomach. The hairs on his legs tickled yours and the sounds of his light snoring made you giggle. You cuddled yourself against him and closed your eyes for a few more moments, taking it all in. You smelled Jake’s cologne on the pillow, which made your heart flutter with memories. 

You pulled yourself out of his grasp a bit to sit up on your elbow and look around. The events of last night replayed in your mind after looking at the pile of accessories on Josh’s bed, your dress on the floor, pieces of Jake’s suit thrown around the room, and a little silver wrapper on the nightstand. You turned your head back to look at him and smiled.

The whole “afterglow” thing was real and you could see it on Jake. The morning sun was shining on him through the window. The olive tones of his tan were coming through, and just a hint of pink appeared on his cheeks. His mouth was open slightly and his lips were a little swollen. He looked so peaceful. You brushed the hair out of his eyes and kissed his cheek. 

He raised his eyebrows, took a deep breath in, and blinked a few times. Smiling and letting out a sigh when he realized you were next to him. 

“Mmm, good morning,” he said in a deep, morning voice.

“Morning,” you replied sweetly.

He let out a hum and pulled you closer to him, tightening his hold. He kissed the side of your face and down your neck a little, softly.

“Sleep well last night?” he spoke into your neck.

“Mhmm,” you replied.

You and Jake laid there in a daze for what felt like just minutes even though it was closer to an hour. You could tell from his breathing that he fell back asleep briefly. When he woke back up, he sat up and scooted to the foot of his bed, pulling on a pair of underwear and kneeling at his nightstand drawer. He pulled out a shirt and a pair of boxers and handed them to you. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said, kissing your forehead, sneaking out of the room, and closing the door behind him. 

You put on his clothes, laid back down in his bed, and breathed in his scent on the pillow. He knocked softly on the door and opened it. He walked over to you with two cups of coffee. You sat up and he handed you one. 

“I put extra sugar in yours,” he said.

“Thank you, Baby,” you replied, smiling at him. 

He sat down at the edge of the bed and took a sip.

“So,” he began, “did you have fun last night?” He asked suggestively, giving you a playful smirk.

You giggled, “Shut up.”

He let out a laugh through his nose and looked at you softly. His expression turned more serious before he spoke again, “You okay?” he asked quietly.

“I have never been better,” you assured him. 

“Good,” he whispered back, kissing your cheek. 

You scooted over, he crawled into the bed next to you, and both of you leaned against the headboard and continued to drink the coffee as you talked for a little. 

“Could you tell?” he asked.

“Tell what?”

“Tell how fucking nervous I was?” He laughed.

“From your hands shaking the entire time? No, I couldn’t tell,” you answered sarcastically and laughed.

You leaned your head against his shoulder. 

“You were perfect,” you assured him.

He let out a sigh of relief and turned his face to kiss the top of your head.

“You wanna shower? You can go first,” he said with his chin rested on the top of your head. You snuck your head out from under him and turned to face him.

“What if you come with me?” you suggested.

He raised his eyebrows at you. “With you as in…”

You crawled over him, got out of bed, and started walking out of the room. When you got to the door, you turned around and looked at him.

“You coming or what?” you giggled. 

Jake jumped out of bed to follow you into the bathroom. You’ve never seen him move faster. 

You spent the day with Jake at his house. Mostly eating, cuddling on the couch, and doing other things that you were both a little more comfortable doing after last night. 

Sam got home in the late afternoon, walking through the door with a huge backpack on his shoulder. His skinny frame struggled to keep it up.

“Hey,” he said as he kicked his shoes off and slid the backpack onto the floor. “How was prom?”

“Good,” you and Jake replied simultaneously.

“Good? That’s it?” he asked.

“That’s it,” Jake answered.

“Hmm,” Sam said, almost suspiciously. He pointed at the two of you. “You guys look different,” he said bluntly.

“That doesn’t make any sense, Sammy,” Jake said nonchalantly.

“Yeah, Sam, you were gone for one night. How different could we possibly be?” you added.

Sam’s eyes squinted at the both of you. As someone who was very intelligent, he didn’t like when he didn’t understand what was going on. And as the youngest child, he felt like that often. He knew something was up but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He rolled his eyes and turned to walk down the hall. His footsteps faded away and he got closer to the boys’ room.

As the door of the room closed, you heard “What the fuck?” from Sam in the room. You and Jake both looked at each other, wide eyed, when it hit you that you didn’t clean up the room from last night. 

When you heard Sam start the shower, you and Jake went back into the room and got rid of the evidence of last night’s events. You both decided it was a good time for you to go home, while Sam was out of the way. 

When you got home, you told your mom all about prom and how much fun you had, leaving out the explicit details of course. She saw how happy Jake made you.

You went to your room to put your things away and you looked at the flowers in the vase. All of them- completely dead. You pulled one out to save and took the rest downstairs to throw away.

“Flowers finally died?” your mom asked.

“Yeah,” you said as you smiled to yourself.

June 2014:

Graduation was in two weeks. Each senior had to turn in a sentence of their after graduation plans for the ceremony’s program booklet. You and Jake laid on his bed with a notebook open, thinking of what to write for him. Josh was on his bed, texting. He had already turned in his sentence. 

Jake stared at the ceiling with a pencil in his mouth. He was stuck. He didn’t exactly have typical post-graduation plans.

“What did you write, Josh?” he asked.

“I wrote that I was going to Michigan State to study filmmaking. It’s not that hard, don’t worry so much about it,” Josh shrugged.

“It’s easy to say that when you actually have a plan,” Jake said, rolling his eyes, “I can’t write that I’m not going to college so I can try my luck at being a rockstar.” 

He turned his head to look at you.

“Did you do yours yet?” he asked. 

You bit your lip, “Yeah, I actually wanted to talk to you about that.”

“Why?” he asked, looking back to the ceiling. 

You took a deep breath, looked over at him, and then looked over at Josh. 

“Josh,” you started, “Can you give us a second?” 

“Yeah sure. But if you guys start boning, I will tell the entire world about that one time when we were thirteen and Jake-”

“Okay, that’s enough,”  Jake interrupted, laughing.

Josh walked out of the room and shut the door behind him.

“I’m serious, Jake!” he called as you heard his voice trailing down the hallway, away from the door.

Jake sat up and smiled, “What do you want to talk about?”

You closed your eyes for a second and swallowed. 

“Please don’t say you’re pregnant,” Jake warned.

You sat up and laughed a little, “No,” you began, “It’s about this whole college thing.”

“Okay what is it?” he asked casually.

You grabbed his hands and put them in your lap. You didn’t know how to even begin to explain this to him.

“So, you know I got into Michigan, right?”

“Mhm,” he nodded.

“Well, I also got into NYU,” you added, swallowing hard.

“NYU? As in New York?” he asked. He had the most confused look on his face. 

You nodded silently.

“I mean, that’s great and all but you’re not actually gonna go,” he laughed. “You’re gonna stay here, right?” he said casually.

You bit your lip and looked down at his hands in your lap. He could tell that something was wrong because you weren’t looking him in the eyes. When you looked up, Jake’s face was full of worry. The gears were turning in his head as he put the pieces of the puzzle together. He knew where this conversation was going.

“Right?” he repeated, a little louder, with concern. 

“Jake,” you started.

“You’re going aren’t you?” His voice was full of sadness, with a bit of anger mixed in.

“Jake, please don’t be mad.” 

He got up off the bed, stood up, and looked down at you. 

“Don’t you have to commit to these things, like, months in advance? You knew about this for a while now, didn’t you? When did you find out about this? When did you decide that you were going?” 

As he rattled off questions, his tone got sharper. 

“March,” you sighed. You watched his face drop, “The night of your show,” you said quietly. 

“March?” He looked to the ceiling in disbelief.  “The night of the show where you told me not to keep secrets from you?”

You got off the bed, walked over to him, and grabbed his hands. He pulled them away from you and crossed his arms. His eyes weren’t soft and tired anymore. They were filled with anger and betrayal. His world was just flipped upside down by the one person he trusted the most. 

“Jake, I know you’re mad and I’m sorry. I should have told you earlier but there just wasn’t a good time. And your reaction right now is exactly why I waited so long to tell you,” you explained, “ I didn’t want to hurt you.”

There was a moment of silence and Jake looked to the ground before he spoke.

“You could’ve at least told me before I fucked you,” he said bluntly.

“Fucked me? Fucked me?!” You screamed as both your hands pushed into his chest and he stumbled backwards into his nightstand. The force of his back hitting it caused the entire piece of furniture to shake and things fell off the top of it and onto the floor.

His arms uncrossed and as he yelled he waved them around. “Yeah, that’s why you wanted me to do it, right? So you could get it over with before going to New York to get fucked by random guys like some cheap college slut? While I’m here, in fucking Michigan playing a bar gig once a week for two hundred fucking dollars?!”

Your jaw dropped and you breathed out hard. You could have sworn the world stopped moving for a split second. His words hurt you like nothing ever had before. It was as if he stabbed you in the chest and twisted the knife. Tears filled your eyes instantly and you looked at him with blurry vision.

“I can’t believe you just said that to me,” you whispered.

You saw the look of instant regret on his face. It was as if he couldn’t believe he just said that either. 

“Baby, I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean that. You know I didn’t mean that.”

He walked over to you and grabbed your hands but you stepped back from him, ripping away from his touch harshly. 

“No, you did,” you choked out, “you absolutely meant that.”

All he could do was shake his head and hope you would forgive him. He sat down, put his elbows on his knees, and rested his head in his hands. He was thinking. Hard. 

He looked up at you, his eyes begged you to say something. But you couldn’t. You were frozen standing there, there was a pain in your chest that still stung from his words.

He stood up and walked over to you. He wiped your tears and kissed your cheeks. You winced as he did it. You were disgusted by him right now and he knew it. You didn’t think he would ever hurt you the way he just did. 

He backed away from you once he realized he needed to give you space and explain himself.

“You just sprung this whole thing on me and I don’t know how to react to it. And then you tell me not to be mad? I’m losing everything I know. How am I not supposed to be mad?” he explained.

“How are you losing everything?” you asked, throwing your hands up in the air and letting them drop to your sides. 

He paused for a minute before speaking. It was just a second or two but it felt like forever.

“There’s two things in life I’m sure of. Music… and you. But now suddenly, life is telling me I can’t have either. And without those two things, I’m nothing.” 

His voice got shaky as tears formed in his eyes. He looked up at the ceiling and tried not to let them fall. 

“What makes you think you can’t have both?” you asked.

“I’m losing Josh, which means I’m losing the band,” he began.

“He’s going an hour away, it’s not the end of the world, Jake!” you cut him off as you tried to explain.

“This band is all I have!” he snapped.

“Okay and what? You don’t have me?” you shouted back.

“No, I don’t have you! Did you not just tell me you were going to go to New York?!”

“Baby, we could do long distance. We could make it work,” you suggested, trying to rationalize a plan.

“How could that ever work? For four years? At least? You realize what’s gonna happen right? You’re gonna get busy with classes and homework. You’re gonna make all new friends and have an entire new life. A life that doesn’t… doesn’t include me.” 

“Jake, you know that would nev-”

“No,” said softly and shook his head, “You know it’s true. We both do. I’m gonna lose you. You’ll forget me- and I can’t handle that. Might as well end it now. Save us both some time.”

He was looking down. He couldn’t even look you in the eyes.

Your jaw dropped in disbelief. You couldn’t believe he just said that. After everything the two of you had been through, he was just going to throw it all away like this? You knew he would be upset at the news you gave him but you never expected this reaction from him. 

“You really want that?” you whispered, praying he would change his mind. 

He shook his head, almost like he couldn’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth.

“I, I…” he stuttered. He couldn’t say it but you knew exactly what he was thinking. 

“You want me to leave? You want to end it now? Save you some time? Fine. I’m gone. We’re done,” you said sharply.

“That’s what I said! Go! You’re gonna do it anyway,” Jake said louder, motioning his hand to the door.

“You really want me to go?” you said. It was a question but at the same time, it wasn’t. You were confirming what he wanted.

“Yes, go! Go have fun getting bent over behind a bar by some rich New York guy. They love innocent little Midwestern girls over there,” he said, with rage in his voice.

Your eyes filled up with tears again as his words stabbed you in the heart once again. 

“Fuck you,” you said, looking at him through tear filled eyes.

“Yeah, fuck you, too, Baby. Have a nice life,” he said, lifting his chin and blowing you a kiss.

You shook your head at him in disbelief and walked to the door. You grabbed the door handle and flung it open to see Sam and Josh standing there, listening to everything. 

“Take me home, Josh,” you demanded.

He nodded quickly, looking at you with sympathy in his eyes.

Sam awkwardly walked away, not sure what he should do. 

Josh went into the room to get his keys and you heard him speak to Jake. 

“That was so fucked up,” he said. 

He met you in the hallway and left Jake in the room by himself.

As you walked down the hallway and towards the front door with Josh, you heard the boys’ bedroom door slam.  

Josh drove you home and sat in your driveway with you for hours while you told him everything. Everything.

He listened to what you had to say closely. He held you as you cried on his shoulder. He rubbed your back and petted your head, comforting you. His embrace was what you needed from Jake right now. But you needed someone, and other than Jake, he was a person you could trust.

Josh walked you inside and tucked you into bed. He made sure you were okay to leave alone before he left. He told your parents what happened so that you didn’t have to. 

You laid there, absolutely sick. You had a lump in your throat and your stomach was in knots. Your eyes and lips were swollen from all the crying you’d done in the past few hours. You didn’t even know your body could produce that many tears. Your heart was completely ripped out of your chest. 

You cried yourself to sleep that night. It was the first of many nights like that.

When Josh got back home, Jake was sitting on the couch in the basement with his elbows on his knees, and his head hanging low with his hands in his hair. 

Every part of his bedroom reminded him of you and he couldn’t be in there. The smell of you that he loved, lingered on his sheets and made him physically sick to the point of him vomiting. 

Josh didn’t want to get in the middle of things but he knew Jake needed him just as much as you did. 

Josh let Jake get it all out and calmed him down considerably. But Jake slept downstairs for the next week. When Jake finally returned to sleep in his bed, Josh pretended that he didn’t hear Jake crying every night. 

Jake skipped English class that entire week so you didn’t see him at school at all. You knew he was there because you saw his Jeep in the parking lot. He was avoiding you. You were glad he was though because you couldn’t handle seeing him. 

On Saturday morning, your heart stopped when you saw his name light up on your phone screen.

10:38 am: Can I see you? I can come to your house.

You sat there for a while thinking if you should reply or not. You wanted to see him. You needed to see him. You wanted him to hold you and tell you things were going to be okay and that he was willing to try. You wanted to feel his arms around you and his rough hands holding your face. You wanted to push his shaggy hair out of his eyes and see his smile shining bright. You had just the tiniest bit of hope that that would happen.

You took a deep breath and answered.

10:50 am: Okay

The doorbell rang shortly after and when you opened the door, you saw him standing there looking horrific. He had bags under his eyes and the color in his face had faded. His hair was a mess and his cheeks were hollowed out. You could tell he wasn’t sleeping or eating. You started to cry just looking at him. 

“Can we talk? Please?” he asked, practically begging.

You nodded and sat down on your front steps with him. 

He grabbed your hands and you felt his touch for the first time in a week.

“I’m sorry for what I said,” he began. 

“You should be,” you said quietly.

“I know. I just…I wanted you to be as mad as I was. I wanted you to feel guilty.”

You rolled your eyes, “Well then you got what you wanted, didn’t you?”

Tears formed in his eyes as he saw how hurt you were. He started breathing heavily and swallowed, fighting back the tears. He put his head down and closed his eyes.

“I don’t want you to leave,” he said as a single tear from his eye fell onto your hand. 

“Jake,” you began, “Remember what we said? About seeing the world? What if this is my chance?” 

“I thought you said we would see the world together?” he said, looking up at you.

“Jake, please,” you begged him. 

Things changed. You always thought you would stay in Michigan with Jake and support him and his music. Maybe one day he would become successful and you’d be able to see the world with him. But with you and Josh leaving, and Jake’s dreams becoming more and more unattainable, it seemed like the only one who would be seeing the world was you. 

You wanted to go. Jake knew you wanted to go. But the thought of leaving him behind broke your heart, and the thought of you moving on with your life broke his. He knew once you left, he would lose you little by little. And you couldn’t help but wonder if he was right.

“You really want to go, don’t you?”

You nodded.

“Then, I have to let you go,” he said, “I love you, but I have to let you go,” he repeated. 

He kissed your lips softly, one last time. You kissed him back and held onto the moment for as long as you could. 

The tears on both your faces mixed together, causing both your cheeks to be wet. He pulled back and held your face in his hand, wiping the tears with his thumb. You shook your head, crying. His eyes that were once full of happiness and love, were full of pain and sadness.

“You’re gonna go see the world,” he whispered, “You’re gonna love it.”

With that, he kissed you on the cheek and got up. He walked over to the car, got in, and drove away. 

He left you there on the steps, absolutely crushed. 

You ran upstairs sobbing. You threw yourself into bed and clutched his hoodie close to feel some sort of comfort from him. You buried your face into it, smelling him on it and letting it absorb your tears.

Jake, the one person who you felt the most safe with, just completely shattered your heart into a million pieces and there was nothing you could do to fix it. There was no changing his mind. You stayed in your room for a while, just crying and thinking about him and what just happened.

A few hours later, you heard your doorbell ring. You went downstairs and opened the door to see his Jeep turning the corner. You looked down to see a cardboard box on your front step. When you looked inside, you felt a deep pain in your chest. Your hands shook as you picked through the items inside. A bunch of pictures of the two of you, your corsage from prom, and some of your clothes, including the big, white, Greta Van Fleet shirt. It wasn’t even your shirt. It was his, but he knew it was your favorite. Finally at the bottom- the Stephen Stills album you gave him for his birthday. You expected him to give you your stuff back. But you never expected to see that album sitting in the box. You picked up the album and a piece of paper, about the size of an index card, fell out. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You opened them back up and read…

Go see the world. -Jake

The next day, you dropped off a box of Jake’s stuff and left it with Sam. Inside you put the necklace he gave you for Christmas, the document of the star named after you, his clothes, and the single dead rose you kept from his prom flowers. Sam took it from you and gave you a weak smile. 

“You know,” he began, “he really did love you. He still does. He just, he just doesn’t know how to deal with all this. I know you didn’t mean to hurt him. And he didn’t mean to hurt you. Maybe he’ll come around, ya know? Maybe he just needs some time?”

You nodded and gave Sam a hug. It was the first and only time you ever hugged Sam. He was small, and cute, and yes he was annoying. But, you grew to absolutely adore him. 

“I’m gonna miss you, Sammy,” you whispered.

He rubbed your back as he hugged you, “I’m gonna miss you too. I hope I get to see you again, one day.”

You smiled, nodded, and pulled away from him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. 

“My first kiss!” he gasped, lightly holding his cheek over where you kissed him. 

You laughed and said your final goodbye to him. You looked back at the house one last time to see Sam in the doorway, holding the box and waving at you.

Graduation day came and you watched Jake and Josh walk across the stage, one after the other. You saw Jake smile for the first time in what looked like a long time. He seemed genuinely happy. Seeing him smile like that made your heart break. That was the same smile he used to give you. Now all you could do was watch him from afar.

As he walked off stage with his diploma in hand, he looked over at you. He always knew when you were looking at him. Your eyes caught his for a moment and he gave you a small smile. You smiled softly back at him and looked away, heartbroken. That was the last time you ever saw Jake Kiszka. 

After graduation, you went home and looked into the program, curious to see what Jake eventually came up with for his plans. Tears came flooding back as you read…

“Joshua M. Kiszka: Michigan State University- Film Studies”

Jake’s name was supposed to be above Josh’s, but it was skipped in the program. Jake never submitted anything. A tear fell from your eyes and hit the second K in Kiszka, splattering the ink on the paper. You put the program in the box of your stuff from Jake and shoved it under your bed, where it would stay, untouched, for years. 

That summer, you kept in touch with Josh a bit. He would often ask you how you were doing, if you needed anything, and if you wanted to hang out. Even though you wanted to, you never went to see him because you knew it would hurt too much. 

He mentioned Jake was doing better and putting his pain into music as a distraction. It may not have been the best coping method, but it helped. Music was always Jake’s escape and it was the only thing he had at the time.

Your contact with Josh faded as the summer went on and as the band took off. A management company was looking to work with them, which led to record deal offers and album writing. They started playing shows all around Michigan and in the upper Midwest. 

Josh ended up not going to Michigan State as previously planned. He was going to put his dream of film making on hold to help Jake achieve his dream. 

While Jake went after his dream, you did too. You started college in New York and buried the pain of Jake as you got busier with school, internships, jobs, and life in the city. 

But through the years, you still felt him. Every time it snowed, you pictured him on top of you in the snow, wearing that beanie he loved. Every time the wind blew through your hair, your mind took you back to being on the highway with him with the windows down. The smell of pine trees made you think of his house on Christmas. Every time you ate a chocolate chip cookie, you remembered the taste of them on his lips. 

You went back to Frankenmuth on breaks and for holidays but every time you did, Jake was gone. Any time you drove past the Kiszka’s house, all the lights were out and mail was piled up by the door, indicating that they haven’t been home for a while. Every now and again, people around town mentioned they were doing well. You never looked into it though. You knew it would hurt too much. 

One day, you saw an advertisement that Greta Van Fleet would be the musical guest on SNL. A little voice in the back of your head told you to look them up and see what they were doing. SNL was huge and it was almost unfathomable that they actually made it. You knew they were doing well but you didn’t know they were doing that well. 

You listened to that little voice and searched. You felt instant regret but you couldn’t stop yourself. As you looked at pictures of them, there was no holding back your tears.

Danny and Sam got tall and grew their hair out. Sam’s braces were gone and his sweet, baby face chiseled out, with little specks of facial hair poking out of his chin. He definitely grew into his nose, too. 

Josh’s hair got curlier, and his clothes got even crazier, in the best way. It was so Josh and you loved it. He still had those wild eyes that were full of ideas and his warm smile that lit up rooms. 

You breathed heavily and your heart sank when you looked at Jake’s photo. His hair was long, past his shoulders, like he always wanted. It had a bit of a wave to it and it didn’t cover his forehead anymore. His clothes were cooler. He traded his sneakers and t-shirts for boots and shirts unbuttoned to his stomach. His body was more filled out. His muscles were more defined. You were looking at pictures of a grown man. He looked good. 

Out of curiosity, you watched a video of them. Jake’s voice was deeper. He still had that adorable smile and those deep eyes that sparked. You cried harder as the video played on. They were in a record store, talking about their favorites. Sam of course, was looking for something wacky and Josh was all over the film soundtracks. Your heart stopped when you saw Jake’s choice. The Stephen Stills album. He said he wanted it because of a certain song. Love the One You’re With. 

You closed your eyes and images of him flashed through your mind. You saw him in the kitchen of the cabin on his birthday; spinning around on his feet and singing the song out to you. You felt his hands around your waist and his lips on your cheek. He was so happy that day. That was the day he said you were his forever. 

You couldn’t take it anymore. You turned the video off and cried just as much as you did the night you had that argument with him, almost five years ago. 

For years, you had pushed the memories of him away. They were too painful to even think about. But now, they came flooding back with full force- knocking the wind out of your lungs and stabbing at your heart. 

Did he ever think of you the way you thought of him? He was your everything once, and you were his. Now he was nothing but a memory to you and you couldn’t help but wonder if you were nothing to him too. 

Jake was out there living his dream. Performing for huge crowds, traveling all over, and playing the music he loved. This was what he always wanted and now he was actually doing it. You were proud of him but your heart had a hole where he used to be. He was out there, exploring the world, without you. 

November 2019:

It was the day before Thanksgiving and your graduating class decided to do an unofficial 5 year reunion at a local bar since everyone would be home for the holiday anyway. You flew in from New York that morning and decided to go to the event. You hadn’t seen your highschool friends in a few months and you were excited to see what they were up to. 

You only had one thing that made you nervous about the event but your friends told you that you had nothing to worry about in regard to seeing Jake. The band was on tour in Europe at the moment so there was no way he could be there. 

Catching up with your friends was much needed. It was nice to get a break from work and the city and be back in your little hometown. 

You were at the bar, about to order a drink when you heard everyone inside get louder. You looked toward the sound of the voices and saw two figures. 

Brown curly hair, a striped jacket, tan pants, and little white sneakers.

Long dark hair, skinny jeans, boots, and a half buttoned black shirt. 

Your stomach dropped and your heart raced at the sight of both of them. It was like the world stopped moving. You were paralyzed. The bar was filled with people, but you only saw them. 

Your eyes instantly went to Jake. Him and Josh were talking to a bunch of people. Everyone wanted to hear their stories of fame and success. 

Jake’s eyes were gleaming. His smile was big and shone bright like it always did. 

Just as you were about to look away, he caught you. After all, he always knew when you were looking at him.

Your eyes met and everything around you suddenly stopped. His face dropped at the sight of you. He looked like he just saw a ghost. 

You looked away from him, shook your head, and walked out of sight, out the back door of the bar and onto the empty patio area. 

You stood outside, looking at the sky and breathing slowly to calm yourself. You heard the back door open and you closed your eyes. 

“I knew you’d be out here,” you heard a deep, raspy voice say softly. 

You turned around to see Jake standing there with his hands in his front pockets, looking up at the sky.

You turned your back to him and he walked up and stood next to you. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. 

“Care if I smoke right now?” he asked.

You shook your head, “No, you can.”

You two stood in silence for a while as the smell of cigarette smoke filled the air. 

“You did it. You became a rockstar,” you finally said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah well, someone once told me I was talented,” he looked over at you, smiling slightly.

You smiled at him and then looked back up to the sky.

“So, you’re seeing the world. What’s it like?” you asked.

He let a small laugh out of his nose and breathed deeply, “Incredible,” he whispered.

You looked at him with a funny feeling inside. You were happy that he was out there living his dream. But sad because he had a whole new life now, a life that didn’t include you.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, faintly smelling the scent of his cologne. It was the same one you used to smell on his sheets in the morning, and smell on his neck when you kissed him. 

“You know,” he began, throwing the remaining bits of his cigarette on the ground, “You’re with me everywhere I go.”

“What do you mean?”

“No matter where I am in the world or what’s going on in life- every time I look up at the sky at night, I think of you.”

He pointed to a spot in the sky. 

“There you are. Right above the four little ones in a row,” he said, “It’s almost like, it’s me, Josh, Sam, and Danny. And then you.”

You looked up and your vision got blurry as tears filled your eyes.

You turned to him and grabbed his hands. They were bigger and rougher than they’d been years ago.

“I’m really proud of you, you know that?” you asked.

He nodded, giving you a closed mouth smile.

You sat out there with Jake for hours. You told him all about college, work, and your life in New York. He told you all about his career, his travels, and what his brothers were up to. He told you about SNL, and that he thought of you the whole time he was in the city, hoping that maybe, just maybe you were watching. You told him you didn’t watch and you saw a small wave of sadness wash over him. 

It was quiet for a moment until you spoke again.

“I never forgot you, y’know?” 

“What do you mean?”

“That night. You said that I’d forget you,” you looked at him and then back to the ground, “I never did.”

He sighed and looked to the ground too. You could tell he was thinking hard. He was replaying that night in his head, just like you were. 

“Do you ever regret it?” you finally asked.

He nodded and sighed, “Everyday for years I wondered what things would be like if I didn’t let you walk out of my room that night. If I went after you. Or if I would have tried. But we’ll never know, will we?”

You shook your head and shrugged your shoulders, knowing there was no hope of it now.

He asked you if you were seeing anyone and you told him about some dates you’d gone on, none of them really working out. He told you he had a girlfriend, Jita. He showed you pictures, she was beautiful. He said he told her all about you.

“I’m really glad I got to see you tonight,” you said.

“Yeah me too,” he replied.

“If you’re ever in New York, let me know,” you said.

He nodded and looked down. He put his hand behind his neck and bit his lip. There it was, that nervous little movement he always did. Even though he was a rockstar now, he was still a little kid from Frankenmuth, Michigan deep down.

“Can I hug you?” he asked quietly.

“I’d like that,” you replied.

He pulled you close to him and held you tight, with one arm around your back and the other on your head. His body was warm, and bigger than the last time he held you. You rested your head on his shoulder like you used to. His hair tickled your cheeks again and the familiar smell of him filled your lungs. You closed your eyes and took the moment in. 

Even after all those years, in his arms, you felt safe, you felt at home, and most of all, you felt loved.

He pulled away and gave you a kiss on the cheek. He started to walk back inside and turned back around to you. 

“You coming back in?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” you answered. 

You took one last look at the star in the sky. The little one right above the string of four. Tonight, it was right next to the moon. You let out a breath and smiled. You were with him everywhere he went. No matter where he was, or where you were- you were both with each other. Forever.

You turned to walk with him and he opened the door for you, letting you go before him.

“So what’s this about you being Sam’s first kiss?” he laughed as the two of you walked back inside. 

Epilogue: 

Josh sat in the conference room of the Greta Van Fleet management offices, typing on his computer when Jake walked in. 

“Hey, we’re gonna leave in a second? You ready?” he asked, leaning on the doorframe.

“Yeah,” Josh replied, “I’m just finishing up some stuff.” 

“Another screenplay?” Jake teased as he walked towards the table Josh was sitting at.

“Yeah, it’s not really my usual style but the idea just kind of came to me and I’m in the process of selling it to a production company.”

“Oh shit, what’s it about?” Jake asked.

“It’s kind of a coming of age sort of thing. It’s the story about a first love that falls apart, from the female character’s point of view. With brief insights of the male’s perspective.”

“Sounds cheesy,” Jake joked as he looked over Josh’s shoulder and tried to take a peek.  

Josh looked up at him to see Jake’s eyes glancing at the screen. He closed the computer quickly.

“I saw my name,” Jake said bluntly.

“No you didn’t!” Josh replied in a high pitched voice, laughing him off.

Jake paused for a second, looking down, and thinking hard. Then it hit him. He knew exactly the story Josh was writing. He squinted his eyes and looked at Josh. 

“Josh. I saw my name. I swear to God if you’re writing about what I think you’re writing about I will kill you.”

“I’m not!” Josh answered in defense, laughing nervously.

“Hm,” Jake breathed, still suspicious. He turned to leave the room, giving Josh a warning look.

When Jake closed the door behind him, Josh opened the computer back up and changed the name to Jack.

The End

October 2013:

It was the day after the kiss. You found yourself thinking about Jake throughout the day. He had always been a background character in your life. Barely a character at all to be honest. You never thought twice about him. But ever since that kiss, he was all you thought about. 

You saw your phone screen light up from across the room and your stomach did cartwheels when you read what was on the screen.

INSTAGRAM: @jake_kiszka has requested to follow you. 

You guessed it was safe to say he was thinking about you too. 

November 2013, Thanksgiving Break:

It was Saturday night and you and Jake planned to have a movie night in the Kiszka’s basement since the twins had the house to themselves for the next few hours. You changed in the bathroom and walked into Jake’s room to help him get the pillows and blankets from his bed and bring them downstairs. He was holding a pillow in his arm when you walked in wearing a tank top and pajama shorts. He was in a T-shirt and plaid pajama pants. You knelt down to put your old clothes in your backpack when Jake spoke. 

“Woah, Baby, you look hot,” he said as he looked you up and down.

You turned your head back around and stood up. Did he just say what you think you heard him say?

“What did you say?” you asked as you walked over to his bed.

Jake’s face dropped and a shade of pink appeared on his cheeks. “Uh, I said you look hot,” he answered. He had a little hint of panic on his face and his eyes widened a bit. 

“No,” you said, stretching out the word and grabbing a second pillow which rested on the foot of his bed. “What’d you call me?”

Jake paused. He looked down at the floor and grabbed the back of his neck with his available hand. He rubbed his neck and bit his lip.

“Nothing,” he replied shyly, looking up at you through the gaps in his hair.

You walked over to him and hit him gently with the pillow you were holding. “It didn’t sound like nothing,” you said sweetly.

He hit you softly with the pillow he was holding. “Well it was nothing.”

“Say it, Jake,” you teased. You hit him harder this time.

“No.” he smiled back at you and gave you an equal hit with his pillow. 

You raised the pillow at him, threatening to hit him with it again and he giggled, winding up his body with his pillow in hand.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” he warned playfully as he swung the pillow around your back and hit you on the butt with it. The force of his hit pushed your body closer to his and he pulled you in. 

He threw his pillow onto his bed and pulled you in by the waist, giving you little, light kisses on your lips. 

“Stop. Trying. To. Distract. Me.” you said in between kisses. You broke away from him and gave him a warning look.

“I’m not trying to do anything,” he whispered slyly, with a mischievous smile on his face. His smile faded a bit as he stared deep into your eyes for a moment. Holding his gaze longer than usual as his eyes seemed to get lost in yours.

While he was distracted, you quickly raised the pillow and connected it to his chest. The force caused him to stumble backwards and the backs of his knees hit the edge of his bed. He fell backwards onto it laughing. 

You jumped on top of him with each leg on either side of his torso and sat on his stomach. Your knees sank into his mattress and you threw the pillow out of the way. You grabbed his face with one hand and squeezed his cheeks together, causing his lips to part. With your other hand, you grabbed his wrists and pinned them on his chest. His whole body shook underneath you as he laughed. 

“Say it,” you sang out.

“If I say it will you let go of my face?” he giggled with his cheeks still smooshed together. His eyes squinted from smiling.

You let go of his cheeks and leaned down to kiss him, with your hands still holding his wrists. You released them and combed your hands through the hair covering his forehead. He brought his hands to your hips and rubbed his thumbs against the skin just above the waistband of your shorts. 

He looked into your eyes deeply. He had the calmest, softest eyes and the tiniest smile appeared on his face as he spoke. 

“Baby,” he whispered. 

Your tongue traced your lips and you looked down at him, smiling.

“Mmm, Baby,” you repeated.

His smile widened. You could tell he liked hearing your voice speak the word out to him. 

“Is that… okay?” he asked hesitantly.

“Yeah,” you nodded, “I like it.” 

One of his hands moved to the back of your neck and he pulled you in to kiss him. This kiss felt different. There was something special about it. You had just reached a milestone in your relationship together, one that would stick with the two of you forever.

You broke away from Jake and crawled off of him. He sat up and you pulled him off the bed by his arm, leading him out of the room.

The two of you went out to the kitchen to make popcorn. As you were waiting for it to pop, you saw Josh in the living room watching his own movie. 

“Baby can you get that big bowl from the top cabinet?” Jake asked.

Josh’s head spun around quicker than anything you’ve ever seen before. 

December 2013:

It was the middle of winter break. You weren’t allowed to go to Jake’s house after the Christmas incident. You hadn’t seen him in a few days but you talked through text every day. He said he would call you at night once he got home from his grandparents house. You laid in bed, waiting for his call. At around 9 pm, his name lit up on your phone screen and you picked it up instantly. 

You and Jake talked for a few hours but it felt like just a few minutes. You told each other what you did during the day and shared random stories from your lives. He told you he had a talk with Sam about girls and made you swear you would never let Sam know that you knew about it. You heard his voice get quieter as your conversation went on. You figured Josh and Sam had gone to bed.

“Tired?” you asked. 

It was getting late and you could hear it in Jake’s voice that he was about to fall asleep. 

“Mhmm,” he hummed, “But I missed your voice.”

“What else?” you asked, almost in a whisper.

You heard him shuffle around a bit and he began.

“I miss holding you. I miss playing with your hair. I miss your lips. I miss kissing you. I miss you kissing me. I miss how you smell,” he laughed a little, “I haven’t washed my sheets since you were here. I can smell you on them.”

You let out a small laugh.

“Mmm, that. I miss your laugh.” 

You could tell from his voice that he was smiling. You wished you could see him right now. You pictured his eyes squinting as his cheeks pushed up around them. Jake had the brightest and cutest smile you’d ever seen.

You sighed, “Okay my turn. I miss your smile. The way your face lights up when you’re happy. I miss holding your hands. I miss when you rub my back when I lay on you. I miss when you kiss my neck and your hair tickles me. I miss...”

You heard him breathing slowly and deeply on the other end of the phone.

“Jake?” you asked. 

“Hmm?” he replied slowly.

“Are you listening?”

“Mmm,” he replied. 

He sucked in a breath through his mouth that sounded like the little snores he does when he starts to fall asleep. You giggled quietly to yourself and listened for a few more minutes. The only thing coming from the other end of the phone was Jake’s breathing. 

You closed your eyes and imagined him next to you. You could practically feel his warm body holding you and making you feel safe and secure. His hands rubbing your back and tracing patterns on your skin. His legs finding their way on top of yours and the hairs on them tickling yours. His breathing and snoring noises being a lullaby to you and putting you to sleep.

You missed him more than you could even express to him. He felt like the safest place on earth. You were counting down the days until you would be in that place again. 

After some time of listening to him on the other end, you started to feel tired yourself.

“Night, Baby,” you whispered. You blew a small kiss to your phone, hung up, and went to sleep.

The next morning, you woke up to a text from Jake that read,

9:32 AM: You were in my dream last night, I’ll call you later and tell you about it. I won’t fall asleep this time I promise.

January 2014:

You and Jake walked into the laundry room soaking wet and cold from the snow. You took your coats off and threw them on top of the dryer. You pulled Jake’s hat off his head and he shook out his hair, giggling. Jake left for a second and came back with changes of his clothes for both of you. 

“You wanna change in here? I can leave if you want me to,” he said as he handed you the clothes. 

“Stay,” you whispered as you took the clothes from his hands and put them on top of the washing machine. You walked closer to him and wrapped your hands around his back. He put his hands on your waist. A smile crept onto his face and he leaned in to kiss you softly. 

“You wanna take this off?” he asked quietly, tugging at the bottom of your shirt. You nodded and raised your arms. Jake lifted the shirt up off you and over your head. He took his shirt off and threw them both on the pile on the dryer. 

He lowered his head and planted gentle kisses to your collarbone.

“I love you,” he said softly between kisses. 

His cold hands rested on the small of your back. The feeling of his cold hands mixed with the feeling of his cold lips on your bones gave you goosebumps all over. 

You giggled and held onto his head as his mouth worked on you. He pulled his lips from you and lifted his head to look at you. 

“Turn around,” he whispered. 

You turned around and moved your hair to the front of your shoulder. He rested his chin on your shoulder as his hands played with your bra strap. He snaked his fingers underneath and ran them back and forth under the fabric. He stopped moving his hand when he got to the clasp. 

“Can I?” his raspy voice spoke softly. 

You turned your head to look at him. Your eyes connected and you nodded slowly, “Yeah,” you whispered. 

He undid the clasp and pushed the straps off your shoulders. His rough fingertips slid gently down your arms. He rubbed the skin on your shoulders where the straps had once been. 

“I love you,” he said again, kissing your shoulder. 

You pulled your bra the rest of the way off and tossed it into the pile. You turned back around to face him and crossed your arms over your chest and rested your hands on your shoulders. You bit your lip and smiled at him. 

Jake undid his jeans, kicked them off his ankles, picked them up, and put them on the pile. The only thing left on him was his boxers. 

He knelt down in front of you and his eyes never left yours as he lowered himself to the floor. He put his hands on the button of your pants and you nodded at him. He undid the button and zipper and dug his fingers into the belt loops of your jeans to work them down. You held his shoulders as he pulled them off and you stepped out of them. The wetness from the snow caused them to stick to your legs a little. Jake grabbed the backs of your legs and ran his hands up and down them. He planted more kisses to each of your thighs with an “I love you,” before each one. 

As he played with the waistband of your underwear you sucked in a breath. You felt his hands shaking and his breathing becoming uneven. You could practically hear your own heart beating out of your chest.

You and Jake had done things like this before. You had taken each other’s clothes off before. He had seen you like this before. You had seen him like this before. But this time it was different. This wasn’t teenage eagerness driven by hormones. It wasn’t rushed and needy. This was slow and intimate. This was out of love. 

He looked back up at you, his eyes silently asked for permission. You put your hands over his and guided him as he put his thumbs through the waistband and pulled them down off you. You stepped out of them and he gathered them from the floor and threw them onto the pile of clothes. You placed your hands on the sides of his head as he kissed your hip bones softly.

“I love you,” he whispered again before and after each kiss. His hot breath on you sent shivers up and down your body. 

He started working his way back up leaving wet kisses all over your stomach, your chest, and your neck, and back to your lips. He pulled down his boxers and stepped out of them as he rose to his feet. His face was an inch away from yours when he breathed you in and connected his lips to yours. His tongue teased your bottom lip and slid against yours. After a minute or so, you pulled away from him and both of you started laughing, realizing you were standing in the middle of his laundry room, cold and naked. 

He reached for the dry clothes and you both put them on yourselves. When you were both fully clothed, he pulled you in close to hug you. You rested your chin on his shoulder and breathed in his scent. 

“I love every part of you,” he said just above a whisper. 

He turned his head and kissed your cheek hard. You leaned back, grabbed his hands, and pulled them in front of him. His eyes were calm and soft. He looked completely at peace. 

“You love me back, right?” he asked as a small smile formed on his lips.

“Forever,” you whispered. 

Jake smiled and kissed your forehead. He broke away from you and picked up the pile of clothes and tossed them into the dryer. Jake pressed the ON button before leaving the small room.

The Next Morning

It was pitch black in the basement when you felt Jake move next to you. Both of you were half asleep when Jake spoke.

“Mmm,” he groaned, “I have to go back upstairs,” he said as he adjusted his position.

“Stay five more minutes,” you whispered as you rubbed your hand under his shirt and up to his chest.

“I will. What time is it?” he asked in a tired voice. 

You reached over him and picked up his phone that was lying next to him. It had to be close to midnight. The two of you fell asleep pretty early. The bright light of the screen made you squint your eyes but they grew wide when you read 8:34 AM.

“8:34?” you said, confused.

“What?” Jake asked in a groggy voice, making sure he heard you correctly. 

You held the phone up to him so he could see for himself. He sat up and rubbed his eyes as he looked around, trying to see in the darkness of the basement. The only light came from the staircase leading up to the kitchen. Jake leaned over to peer up the stairs.

“Shh, the doors still open,” he whispered.

“Can you go up and sneak into your bed? Pretend you were there all night? You think your parents will know?”

“I can’t,” he shook his head and sighed, “They’re awake. I can smell coffee.” 

Jake bit the inside of his cheek and looked down at you. He was trying to think of a plan. But he was also hoping you’d have one.

“Okay, if I can be quiet enough, it’s worth a shot, right? If anything, I’ll just say I came to see if you were awake, right?”

You gave him a worried look and shrugged your shoulders.

Jake pulled the blanket off him and scooted off the mattress. You sat up on your elbow and watched him nervously. He started walking slowly towards the stairs, trying to avoid his feet making any noise on the floor.

He didn’t even make it to the first step when you heard “I’m not stupid, Jacob,” coming from Kelly on the main floor.

Jake looked at you in defeat and mouthed the word “Fuck.”

“Just be ready to get out there and shovel by 9!”

“Hahaha! Busted!” you heard Sam laugh from upstairs.

Jake rolled his eyes and walked back over to you. He crawled back under the covers and laid himself on top of you, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck and wrapping his arms around you. One of your hands held the back of his head and the other rubbed between his shoulder blades. He draped his leg over yours and the heat of his body on top of you warmed you up instantly. 

“So, five more minutes, right?” he asked as you felt him smile into you and you heard the basement door close shut from the top of the steps. 

February 2014:

You and Jake were on the couch in his garage. He had a space heater running close by and the garage door was locked. You had a lot of time to kill before the guys showed up for band practice. Sam and Danny were still at school and Josh had rehearsals for the school musical. And with you and Jake, what was the best way to kill time? Make out. 

Things heated up quicker than usual but things were still comfortable until you found yourselves one step away from going all the way. 

Both of your clothes were on the floor and Jake was on top of you with his lips planting wet, open mouthed kisses to your neck when it hit you.

“Jake, stop,” you said suddenly, causing him to pull his mouth off you and move his eyes to meet yours. 

He saw the worried look in your eyes instantly. 

“You okay?” he asked as he lifted himself off of you. 

You shook your head and he sat back on the opposite side of the couch. 

Tears started forming in your eyes as you sat up. “I don’t want to do this. I’m not ready.” 

Jake reached down to the floor and grabbed your clothes and held them out to you. You took them and put them on as he gathered the rest of the clothes off the floor and got himself dressed. 

When you looked him in the eyes you couldn’t hold back your tears anymore.

“Hey,” he said softly, “Shh, come here.”

He opened his arms up to you and you rested your head on his chest as he held you in a tight hug. He rested his chin on your head and rubbed his hands up and down your back softly, trying to calm you. He had a tight hold on you and he rocked you back and forth slowly.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered softly into his chest as your tears fell onto his shirt, leaving dark spots on the faded red fabric. 

He broke away from you and you sat up but you kept your head looking down. He held onto your face with both hands and lifted your head up, looking deep into your eyes. His eyebrow furrowed slightly and you could tell he was concentrating on reading your emotions.

“You don’t have to be sorry. It’s a big deal, I get it,” he said quietly, using his thumb to wipe the tears off your cheeks. 

You grabbed his hands and lowered them to your lap. You looked down and played with his fingers as you spoke.

“But I know you want to do it. Let’s just end it now and you can go do it with anyone you want,” you said. 

You stopped playing with his fingers after you said it. You were waiting for him to pull his hands away from you and break up with you then and there. 

But he didn’t. He put his hands on top of yours and held them still.

You looked up at him and your eyes met his. They were filled with sadness and confusion. 

“Okay, yeah I want to do it. But I want to do it with you. When you want to. When you’re ready.” 

You looked back down in defeat and embarrassment. 

Jake let go of your hands and sat back on the couch, facing straight ahead. He turned his head to look at you. He rested his hand on your knee and rubbed it back and forth. 

“Can I ask you something? And you don’t have to answer,” he began.

You looked at him and nodded slightly, silently giving him permission to ask what was on his mind.

“Why don’t you want to?”

You sighed and closed your eyes for a second. He deserved to know. He was too good to you about everything related to this topic. He always asked for permission before he tried anything or before he touched you. He always stopped when you asked him to. And he never pushed you to do anything. He deserved an explanation. 

“I’m just… scared I guess. Scared it’s gonna hurt. Scared I won’t be good at it. And, and scared you’re not gonna love me after.” 

Jake’s shoulders dropped and he shook his head slowly like he couldn’t believe what you just said. He turned to face you, grabbed your hands, and placed them in his lap. 

“Look, I can’t make any promises about the first one. And who knows about the second one. But I can promise you that I will never stop loving you. No matter what.”

He looked right into your eyes the whole time he spoke. He was serious. The most serious you’ve ever seen him. You knew he meant what he said. And he did. He never stopped loving you. 

Jake got up from the couch, sat with his legs criss crossed on the floor, and pulled his acoustic guitar onto his lap. He flashed that sweet smile at you from across the room.

“Now get over here. I have more I want to teach you.”

March 2014:

It was the first weekend of the month and the only weekend where Jake wasn’t playing a show. It was also the first weekend your parents actually allowed you to stay at the Kiszka’s house overnight, instead of it being an accident. 

Karen and Kelly went to a wedding out of state so it was just the four Kiszka siblings and you. No basement this time. Jake’s parents figured keeping the two of you apart didn’t work in the past so they might as well let you both sleep in Jake’s bed. As for your parents, what they didn’t know wouldn’t kill them. Regardless, it was certain nothing would happen with Josh and Sam in the room.

You laid on the couch in the living room, cuddled into Jake when the ending credits of the movie the five of you just finished started rolling. It was almost midnight and the majority of you were ready for bed. 

Josh sighed and got up off the floor, “You guys wanna have some fun?” he asked, looking around at everyone.

“What kind of fun?” Jake asked in a cautious voice as he adjusted his position on the couch. Josh’s idea of “fun” sometimes went to the extreme.

An evil smile crept on Josh’s face as he started to walk out of the living room, “Follow me.”

Josh led the four of you into the boys’ room and instructed you to sit in a circle on the floor. 

You and Jake leaned against his bed and Josh leaned against his. Sam and Ronnie sat on either side to complete the circle. Jake put his hand on your knee and you rested your hand on top of his, rubbing his hand with your thumb. You were all a little apprehensive as to what Josh had in mind- you never knew what to expect with him. 

Josh dove under his bed and reached around a little, finally pulling out a bottle of Smirnoff Vodka from a brown paper bag. 

Jake made a point that you all couldn’t just sit there and just drink it- there had to be something else to it. He and Josh got the idea of Never Have I Ever. You explained the basics of the game to Sam and Ronnie. The rules were simple. If you did it, you drank. 

Josh placed the bottle in the middle of the circle and rubbed his hands together as he began.

“Never have I ever crashed Mom’s car,” he said giggling. 

“No way! That’s not fair! You can’t single people out like that!” Jake protested, sitting up a bit and extending his arm out, pointing at Josh.  

Josh handed him the bottle, “You did it. You drink.”

Jake rolled his eyes and reached for the bottle, twisted the cap off, and put the bottle to his lips. His head flew back as he took a swig.

He pulled his mouth off the bottle and winced as he swallowed. “That shits terrible,” he laughed, placing the bottle down on the floor, in the middle of the circle. 

The game continued as each of you took turns. Josh got the biggest kick out of “Never have I ever used a hair straightener” and he sat there with the biggest smile on his face as the rest of you passed the bottle around and took your shots; that one in particular making Sam gag a little as he swallowed. 

The five of you started to feel the effects of the liquor soon after, causing the questions to get more secretive and dirtier, and causing you all to get more giggly than ever. The four of them started targeting each other and making scenarios specific in order to get the other people to drink. Jake took shots for you when you didn’t want to or felt like you couldn’t, causing him to get a little tipsier than you.

The alcohol also caused Jake to get more cuddly and touchy. He started running his hands up and down your thigh and snaking his hands under your shirt; pulling you in close to him and rubbing his thumbs lightly on the skin of your stomach. He was just subtle enough to not catch his siblings’ attention, even though you swear you saw Josh’s eyes wandering. 

It was Jake’s turn and he looked at Josh and smirked before continuing. Josh returned the same face to him. They knew what the other one was thinking, without saying anything.

“Never have I ever… gotten a boner watching Camp Rock,” Jake said, smiling smugly across the circle at Sam.

The four of you held in your laughs as you watched Sam’s face drop and turn bright red.

“What the fuck, Jake?” Sam shouted in defense.

“Care to explain, Samuel?” Ronnie giggled.

“Okay first of all, it was Camp Rock 2!” Sam protested, “And second of all- that’s not fai-“

Jake interrupted him, “It is fair! You just thought we didn’t know. We knew. Now, come on, take the shot!”

Sam rolled his eyes and brought the bottle to his mouth. Before he connected his lips, he stopped and smiled, “What if we make this more interesting?”

He placed the bottle back on the floor in front of him and pointed at it. 

“I bet you I can chug a large portion of what’s left of this shit. If I do it, you each owe me $5.” 

The four of you looked at Sam, confused and shocked at the same time. He seemed to be on the verge of death every time he had to drink tonight. There’s no way in hell he could pull off chugging straight from the bottle. 

“You can’t,” Josh laughed.

“Yeah, there’s no fucking way!” Ronnie added.

Jake got up and grabbed the garbage can by the door and placed it next to Sam, just in case. The four of you sat as Sam’s audience, waiting for him to begin. 

“Are you gonna do it or what?” Jake asked.

“Let me see the money first,” Sam stated. 

Jake and Josh both crawled up to their beds and pulled out money from boxes on their shelves. Josh put $5 in front of Sam and Jake put $10 to cover both of you. Ronnie went to her room and came back with 5 singles. All of it was placed nearly in front of Sam and he smiled at it.

He picked up the bottle and raised it in the air, “To Camp Rock 2 and the start of my manhood,” he declared.

Sam brought the bottle to his lips, tilted his head back, closed his eyes, and chugged.

The four of you sat there, in complete shock as Sam continued gulping down the contents of the bottle.

After some time, he popped it off his mouth, and winced as the last gulp traveled down his throat. Sam shook his head and opened his eyes to look at you all with a huge smile on his face.

The room erupted in chaos. Josh jumped on Sam and shook him around. Jake stood up and began screaming and cheering for him. You and Ronnie both fell back on your backs, laughing uncontrollably and holding onto each other for support as the room spun around you. 

The five of you got even drunker as the game continued on. You all made an unspoken promise to go easy on Sam, who was definitely feeling the effects of his little stunt. 

You learned a lot about the Kiszka siblings that night.

Sam sucked his thumb until he was ten.

Jake and Josh broke their mom’s favorite glass vase and hid it ever since.

Ronnie and Josh both had their first kisses when they were fifteen.

Jake was fourteen. Sam hadn’t kissed anyone yet. 

Sam cheated on math tests.

Jake and Josh accidently told Sam that Santa wasn’t real when he was nine and Sam cried.

Jake ate ants on a dare when he was twelve. 

Josh “borrowed” from Jake’s money stash to buy weed.

Sam had a crush on his third grade teacher. 

Jake slept with his baby blanket until he was eight.

They all fed their childhood dog vegetables under the table at dinner.

With about one shot left in the bottle and Sam significantly drunker than the rest of you, the game came to a close. Jake held out the bottle to Josh and said, “Never have I ever had sex.” 

Josh took the bottle from his hands and finished it off. 

“Okay, I didn’t need to know that. I’m going to bed,” Ronnie said as she got up and stumbled out of the room. 

“You won’t remember tomorrow anyway, Ron,” Josh replied as he climbed into his bed.

Sam crawled over to his bed and started to climb onto it slowly. He stumbled up to it, missing steps and teetering over as he got on. Jake stood up and tucked Sam into bed. He placed the garbage can next to him and rubbed his head. 

“Sleep it off, Sammy,” he said before turning back to you. 

Jake walked back over to you and held his hand out to you. He pulled you to your feet and led you out of the room. The two of you giggled as you stumbled down the hallway and into the dimly lit kitchen.

Jake grabbed a bunch of water bottles out of the refrigerator and handed one to you. 

“Be right back,” he whispered. 

While Jake was giving water to his siblings, you chugged the bottle he gave you. After a minute. you heard footsteps behind you and before you knew it, Jake’s hands were under your shirt, hugging you from behind. 

“Mmm gimme a kish,” he mumbled into your ear. 

You turned your body around to face him. His hands rested on your butt and you pulled him in by the waistband of his pajama pants. You kissed him sloppily, tasting the vodka on his lips and tongue. 

You had never been this drunk before. In fact, you had never been drunk, period. But, even though you were drunk, with Jake, you felt safe and comfortable. Even though the alcohol caused your vision to go blurry and your words to slur a bit, you knew you were in good hands with him. He was just as drunk as you were anyway. But regardless, you knew he wouldn’t do anything or try anything that would make you uncomfortable. And if anything were to go wrong or get messy, he would be there for you.

When you closed your eyes, you felt the dizziness hit you. You pushed him back against the counter and leaned your body weight onto him to keep your balance.

His lips on yours felt different than they ever had. They were wet and warm; and his kisses had an undertone of lust.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. You concentrated harder on kissing him. You tangled your hands through his hair and pulled at it as he deepened the kiss. 

Your hands traveled down to his pants and you teased the front of him with your fingertips. Jake hummed into the kisses and put his hand on top of yours, moving it to hit the spot he wanted. 

He broke away from your lips and tilted his head back. “Fuck,” he whispered, dragging out the word. His eyes rolled back and he brought his head back up. He blinked a few times and brought himself back to reality. He took a deep breath in and moved your hand off him. 

“We can’t do this right now, we’re fucked up,” he said slowly as his words slurred over each other ever so slightly. He moved your hand to rest on his chest.

“Mmm, you’re no fun,” you joked with your words also coming out a bit sloppily. You kissed him on the side of the mouth and he smiled a bit. 

With Jake still squeezed in between you and the counter, you reached behind him to grab a piece of cold, leftover pizza from the box sitting on the counter. He opened his mouth and you giggled as you held it out to him. He took a bite and chewed it with his mouth open, fully smiling at you as his jaw moved up and down. You alternated taking a bite of your own and letting him get a bite. You both giggled as you ate, trying not to wake up his siblings. And trying to be quiet, of course, only made you laugh harder. 

When you finished the pizza, Jake flicked the kitchen light off and you both went back into his bedroom. It was pitch black and the two of you laughed and shushed each other as you tried to find his bed in the darkness. 

When you found it, you hopped in and pulled him in. You both laughed as he fell on top of you. Jake dipped his head down to kiss you gently and settled next to you, pulling the covers up over your heads. 

He leaned over you and planted little kisses on your face and neck. You giggled as he continued and finally you broke away from him and kissed the tip of his nose. He returned a kiss to your forehead and lifted the blanket up off your heads. 

You felt yourself sober up as the cool breeze hit you and as you laid there with him for a bit. Your legs tangled together and he held you close to him as the two of you closed your eyes and gave each other little kisses now and then. 

You didn’t feel that dizzy feeling anymore, just a little lingering buzz.

The sounds of Josh lightly snoring began coming from the other side of the room and from farther away you heard hums and mumbles from Sam as he talked in his sleep.

“How do you sleep with them making all that noise?” you giggled. 

“Used to it I guess. Just like I’m used to you hitting me in your sleep,” Jake teased. 

“I do that?”

Jake laughed, “Yeah, but it’s fine. I don’t mind.”

“Good. You deserve it because you snore way louder than Josh,” you retorted back to him playfully as you gave him a peck on the lips, and rolled over. 

You pressed your back into his chest and grabbed his hand, pulling it on top of you. You felt your eyelids get heavy and the last thing you remember is Jake kissing the back of your head and saying “G’night, Baby.”

Thanks to the alcohol, you slept like a rock that night. The next morning, you woke up to the sounds of Sam groaning and gagging into the garbage can. 

You and Jake both sat up simultaneously when you realized what was happening, a slight headache hit you as you got up and opened your eyes fully to the bright morning light.

“Hey, you okay, Sammy?” Jake asked, climbing out of bed and going over to him.

“I should’ve asked for more money. $20 wasn’t worth it,” Sam groaned with his voice muffled by the garbage can surrounding his head.  

~~~~~

It was the Monday after Jake’s show you attended at the bar. Jake wasn't in school and didn't answer his phone all day. You saw Josh at lunch and asked him where Jake was. He told you Jake was sick and stayed home for the day.

After school, Josh took you to their house and brought you to the boys room to see Jake. When you walked in, you saw Jake in bed, fast asleep. 

The floor by his bed was littered with used tissues and empty water bottles. He had a box of cold medicine, a jar of vapor rub, and half empty box of tissues on the nightstand. A half dranken bottle of Gatorade was sitting in his bed next to him. 

“Let me know when you want me to take you back home,” Josh said, closing the door behind him as he left the room. 

Jake was cuddled up in blankets and you sat down on the edge of his bed. His cheeks were rosy, his mouth was open just a bit, and his lips were dry from breathing through his mouth. You wiped his hair out of his face and slowly he woke up.

He was confused at first, in a post nap haze, until he realized what was going on. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked in a tired voice. His voice was nasally and hoarse.

“I missed you today. Josh said you were sick. I wanted to make sure you were okay. What’s wrong?” you said as you stroked the hair on his head back.

He rubbed his face and sighed groggily. He involuntarily let out a small cough as he sighed.

“I’ve had a headache all day, my throat hurts when I swallow, I keep coughing, and I can’t breathe through my nose. My mom said it’s probably from being in the rain on Saturday,”

He was being a giant baby. Zero pain tolerance. But you had to admit- he looked absolutely adorable all cuddled up in bed.

“Poor baby,” you said, half serious, half joking.

He smiled a little as he realized how dramatic he was being. Not to mention you being there made him smile too. 

You leaned down to give his cheek a kiss and he pulled back a little. 

“Don’t. I don’t want to get you sick,” he said.

“Jake, my tongue was down your throat two days ago and I was in the rain with you. I’m pretty sure whatever you have, will be mine tomorrow,” you said, as you lifted up his covers and crawled into bed next to him. 

You held him from behind and gave his shoulders little kisses. Through his shirt you could smell vapor rub on his back and you could only imagine how annoyed he was at his mom for rubbing it on for him. 

“Just relax, Baby,” you whispered. 

After a few minutes of silence, Jake spoke quietly.

“You know what would probably make me feel better?” he mumbled with his face half smushed into his pillow.

“What?” you asked. 

“Can I touch your boobs?” 

You let out a laugh through your nose at his request.

“Fine,” you laughed.

Jake turned his body around in bed. This time, he held you from behind. His hand snuck up under your shirt and bra and rested on your chest, rubbing his thumb on your skin.

“Feel better?” you asked sarcastically.

“Mhmm,” he said into your neck, smiling, “They got bigger.”

You smiled, rolled your eyes, and placed your hand on top of his. 

Within minutes, Jake’s hand was still and he was fast asleep.

April 2014:

“You’re absolutely disgusting,” you laughed, crawling off him and extending your hand to lift him to his feet. 

Before fully leaving the wooded area, you stopped him. 

“What if,” you began, “I gave you an early birthday present?”

You ran your index finger down his chest over his hoodie. A small smile formed on his face and his tongue traced over his bottom lip as he looked at you. His eyes squinted and scanned your face, trying to decipher what you meant. He was trying to read your mind but he couldn’t. He had no idea what you were about to do or say. 

You walked him over to the rock and he pushed his back against it.  

“You said this is a spot for firsts right?” you asked as you placed soft kisses to his cheek and jawline. 

“Yeah…” he said hesitantly.

You continued kissing his jawline and lowered your lips down his neck. You broke away and gave him a soft kiss on his lips before kneeling down in front of him. You felt the coolness of the ground on your knees and leaves left over from autumn crunched underneath them. 

You looked up at him and bit your lip as you smiled. 

Jake’s mouth opened and he started breathing heavily when he realized what your intentions were. You reached for his belt buckle and started undoing it. 

His chest moved as he breathed in deep before he spoke. “Here? Now? Fuck, Baby.” 

The two of you had talked about this before. It was only a matter of time before it happened. Jake had always wanted it and left it up to you to make the move for it. And at that moment, it was the perfect time, and the perfect place. You were surrounded by the privacy of the overgrown woods and you were far enough away from his house that you couldn’t be heard. 

“Mhmm, first times, right?” you said as you undid the buttons of his pants and pulled them down.

He nodded quickly and swallowed hard. As he did, his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. His whole body tensed up, he tilted his head back, and his hands tangled themselves in your hair as you got to work on him.

When you were done, Jake brought you to your feet, pulled up his pants, and fastened his belt. He wiped your face with his palm before kissing you softly. 

“I guess that beats first kiss, doesn’t it?” he said, smiling. He had little pink and red patches on his cheeks and neck that faded as he caught his breath. 

“It better!” you laughed. 

He let out a laugh from his nose and said, “Come on, we’ve been gone too long. My parents are going to get suspicious.”

Together you walked back to civilization, with him leading the way.

May 2014:

You crawled over him, got out of bed, and started walking out of the room. When you got to the door, you turned around and looked at him.

“You coming or what?” You giggled. 

Jake jumped out of bed to follow you to the bathroom. You’ve never seen him move faster.

Jake caught up to you in the doorway and hugged you from behind. His arms wrapped around your waist and snuck around your stomach, squeezing you against his body. You giggled as the two of you walked down the hallway and into the bathroom. 

You brushed your teeth and Jake left the bathroom with a toothbrush in his mouth. He returned with fresh towels in his hands and placed them on the counter.

Jake shut the door behind him and rinsed out his mouth before pulling you close to him again. He started sprinkling your face with little kisses playfully, smiling in between each one. 

He broke away from you with one last dramatic “Mwah,” to your cheek and leaned into the shower to turn the water on. 

The steam from the water began to fill up the bathroom, causing fog to appear on the mirrors and window.

“Can I take this off?” Jake asked, his hands sliding along the hem of the tshirt you were wearing.

You nodded and lifted your hands up over your head as he pulled the shirt off you. He tossed it over by the door and pulled you close to him. You wrapped your arms around this neck and he held both hands behind your back. His eyes traveled down from your eyes to your chest as he fought back a smile. 

“Jake?” you asked, almost in a whisper. 

“Yeah?” he asked, bringing his eyes back to meet yours. 

“You know I love it when you ask before you do stuff. But, you really don’t have to anymore.” 

He looked into your eyes and nodded slowly. You could see him trying to make sense of what you just said in his head. 

“Okay. But just promise you’ll tell me if-”

“I will.” you interrupted, already knowing what the second half of his sentence was. 

You closed the gap between the two of you and pulled him in for a kiss. You tasted the mint in his mouth as you slid your tongue across his bottom lip. As the two of you continued, you felt a little bit more of Jake against your thigh. 

You broke away from his lips, looked down at the obvious situation in his boxers, and giggled. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it,” he laughed as his cheeks turned a shade of pink. He was definitely a little embarrassed but the cute smile on his face still made you melt. 

“I could take care of it for you if you want?” you suggested, teasing your hand dangerously close to where he wanted you the most.

“Yes,” he breathed out, “Please.”

You backed him up against the door and his body hit it with a light thud. The steam from the shower fogged up the entire room and as you pulled away from Jake’s face, clouds of water vapor separated the two of you. 

You took care of Jake and when that was done, he led you to the shower and slid open the shower door for you.

“Ladies first,” he said as you stepped in. 

He followed behind and slid the glass door closed. You got under the hot running water and let it relax your muscles for a moment before the two of you switched places. He let the water fall on his head, getting it all wet. He shook it out like a dog and droplets flew everywhere. You giggled and flinched as the water got in your face. 

He extended his hand out to the shelf in the shower and grabbed a bottle of face wash. You cupped your hand for him and he put a few pumps in them. You rubbed your hands together until they were sudsy and reached out for his face. He closed his eyes and scrunched up his nose as your hands massaged the soap into his cheeks. You pushed his hair back off his forehead, and rubbed your hands over his entire face. His facial muscles relaxed as you continued. With his eyes still closed, you turned him around to rinse it off and then gave yourself a few more pumps to wash your own face with. 

He stepped behind you and squeezed some shampoo in his hands. You stepped under the stream of water.

“Tip your head back for me,” he said as he rubbed the shampoo in his hands together. 

You did as he said and let the water run over your face, washing the cleanser off as you felt Jake’s fingertips massage shampoo into your scalp. 

You hummed and he let out a satisfied chuckle. 

“Feels good?” he asked as his fingers moved in little circles and worked their way to the base of your head. 

“Mhmm,” you hummed in response as he put more pressure on your scalp. 

“Good,” he said softly. “Just close your eyes and relax, Baby.”

His fingers dug into your scalp, scratching and massaging it perfectly. It felt amazing.

After a bit of time, he grabbed your shoulders and turned you around so you were facing him. He lifted your chin to tilt your head back as the water rinsed the shampoo out of your hair. Jake ran his fingers through your hair to make sure it was all out and when it was, you opened your eyes to meet his for the first time. 

The two of you stood there for a moment just staring at each other in silence- the only sound was the running water coming from the shower head above. You silently admired each other. You admired how you both took care of each other in different intimate ways. You each knew how to make the other feel good. You didn’t know it then, but you were both teaching each other and learning how to love. 

He squeezed shampoo into his hands again and rubbed it through his hair quickly. You switched places with him so he could rinse it out. 

He tilted his head back and opened his mouth, letting it fill up with water. He looked at you with water filled cheeks and the tiniest smile on his closed lips. Without warning, he opened his lips slightly and released the water out to you like a fountain.

 The warm water from his mouth hit your chest and you laughed out the word “Ew!” 

You snuck behind him, faced the shower head, and filled your mouth with the hot water. You turned to him with your mouth full of water. He turned his face to the side and closed one eye, anticipating what was going to come next. 

“I deserve it, go ahead,” he laughed as you spit out a stream of water onto his cheek.

He laughed and rinsed it off. He moved in toward you and grabbed you behind the back. He gave you a gentle but wet kiss on the lips. 

You grabbed a bottle of conditioner from the shelf and held it out for him. He raised his eyebrows at you. 

“Seriously?” he asked.

“You like your hair long don’t you?” you questioned.

He laughed and replied with a cautious “Yeah,”

“Then turn around,” you commanded. 

He turned around and you squirted a little bit of conditioner into your hands and rubbed it into the ends of his hair. You grabbed his shoulders and turned him around and out of the stream of the running water as you combed conditioner through your own hair. 

“Leave it in for a little bit,” you instructed him and he nodded. 

He grabbed two bottles of body wash from the shelf and held them up for you. 

“I’m going to assume you’d rather use my sister’s,” he laughed, handing you a pink bottle while he kept a black one for himself.

He picked up one of the fresh washcloths from the edge of the shower and got it wet. He held it out and you squeezed the pink soap onto it. He rubbed the washcloth around in his hand until it had suds and he brought it to your neck. 

He rubbed your neck and shoulders with it and the smell of strawberries filled the shower. He ran the washcloth down your chest and to your stomach, rubbing in circles and massaging all the right parts. He moved the washcloth to your lower back and you turned around for him. He moved your hair to one side of your shoulder and swiped the washcloth over your back a few times. He moved you under the running water, allowing you to rinse the conditioner out of your hair and the soap off your body.

You reached down next to him to pick up the second washcloth and ran it under the water. He squeezed the black bottle and green gel came out onto the washcloth. You rubbed the washcloth around in your hand until it was nice and bubbly. You then rubbed his chest and neck with it. The drips of bubbles trailed down his stomach and over the bumps of his ab muscles. You used your free hand to rub along his stomach and you felt his muscles tighten with your touch. He turned around and you got his back and behind his ears. 

You pulled him under the stream of water and let the conditioner and body wash run off of him. You wrapped your hands around his stomach and pressed your chest to his back, taking in the manly scent of the body wash on him and hugging him from behind. Just letting the water run in between you as you breathed in his scent. 

The two of you swapped washcloths and got the other parts of your own bodies until you were both completely clean. 

You rinsed and rung out the washcloths and Jake reached behind you to turn off the water. He slid the shower door open and stepped out first. He grabbed a towel from the counter and held it open for you. You walked over to him and he wrapped you in the towel, rubbing up and down your arms to warm you up. He opened the second towel and wrapped it around his waist. 

You dried yourselves off and changed into your clothes in his room. You towel dried your hair and threw the towels into the hamper by the closet. 

“You hungry? I’ll make you chocolate chip pancakes,” he offered as he threw a shirt over his head of damp hair.

“Is this your way of thanking me for getting you off in the bathroom?” you teased. 

“It’s part of it. Just wait until after breakfast,” he smiled, wiggled his eyebrows at you, and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek as he walked out of the room and down the hallway towards the kitchen. 

~~~~~

School was out for a four day weekend. Jake had saved up just enough money to take you on a getaway of your own. It wasn’t far and it wasn’t fancy, but it was you and Jake.

He booked three days at the Bavarian Inn in the main part of town. 

The two of you spent every second of the stay together, uninterrupted.

It was something you both had always wanted. You had a king sized bed, privacy, and room service. For two eighteen year olds, that was all you needed.

The trip gave you opportunities to learn more about yourselves and each other.

You learned more about each others’ bodies and what each of you liked and didn’t like.

You learned that you hated when he left the cap off the toothpaste and when he peed with the bathroom door open.

He learned that he hated how your makeup and hair products took up half the bathroom counter and how you didn’t turn the bathroom fan on while you showered.

But you loved every second of it. You loved putting the toothpaste cap back on and closing the bathroom door while he stood there in front of the toilet, smiling at you like an idiot.

He loved pushing your makeup off to the side so he could sit on the counter of a steamy bathroom and talk to you while you blew dry your hair.

You both loved the quiet. The privacy. The ability to say and do whatever you wanted together. The bed. The space. The fact that there were no siblings, no parents, and no needing to go home in a few hours. 

It gave you a taste of adulthood. A taste both of you liked a lot.

You laid in bed on the last morning of your stay, playing with each other's fingers and enjoying the quiet morning when you spoke.

“Do you think that one day, we could do this?” You asked.

“Do what?”

“You know, like, live together? Get an apartment or something, just us? Be able to do this every day?” 

“Yeah, we could, couldn’t we?” he said as he envisioned the future and realized that it was a realistic possibility. 

Jake needed that. He needed the thought of something realistic for his future. He’d been dreaming for too long.

June 2014:

Josh arrived back home around midnight that night. When Josh got back home, Jake was sitting on the couch in the basement, his elbows on his knees, and his head hanging low with his hands in his hair.

Josh walked slowly down the stairs, making just enough noise for Jake to know someone was there. 

“Go away,” Jake said, not even bothering to look up at who it was. 

“You really want me to go away? Because I’m pretty sure I’m all you have right now.” Josh spoke harshly. 

Jake looked up at him with red, swollen eyes and then looked back down. 

“Sam said you threw up,” Josh said timidly. He approached the couch as if Jake was a wild animal who Josh was trying to get to take food out of his hands.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jake replied bluntly.

“You don’t have to. But when you do want to talk about it- I’m here,” Josh replied as he walked over to Jake and sat next to him on the couch.

The couch dipped down next to Jake as Josh took a seat. Josh waited there for Jake to crack. He knew his brother. He knew it was coming. He knew he was being stubborn and holding it in. Josh was tired and what he wanted more than anything was to go to bed. But he knew Jake was going to need him. The two of them sat there in silence for the better part of an hour until finally, Jake let it all go. 

All Josh could do was grab him and hold him close as Jake cried on his shoulder. The shoulder that the scent of you lingered on since you did the same thing when Josh took you home. Jake smelled it and the memories of you hit him, causing more tears and the holding back of gags. When Jake opened his eyes and saw your black mascara smudged on Josh’s shirt, he cried harder realizing how much he hurt you. 

After the worst of it was over, Josh pulled back from him and helped him catch his breath and breathe deeply. Josh calmed him down considerably and helped him get it all out. 

Josh sat in the basement with Jake for hours while he told him everything. Everything.

At that point, Josh knew it all. He knew about the big moments as well as the little ones. He knew about all the highs and lows. He knew about all the feelings of love as well as heartbreak. He knew secrets that you and Jake kept between each other. Josh planned to hold onto these secrets for years, thinking he would take them all to the grave. 

By the time Jake got it all out, it was almost 4 in the morning. Josh got up off the couch and reached his hand out to Jake. 

“Come on, get up. Let’s go to bed.”

“I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” 

“Everything in that room reminds me of her. My sheets smell like her. Her clothes are in the drawers. Her pictures are on the walls. I, I tried already- I can’t go in there. I can’t even close my fucking eyes without seeing her face. My head just keeps replaying what I said to her. I can’t believe I fucking said that to her.”

“Honestly,” Josh began, “I can’t believe you said that either.”

Jake titled his head back and stared at the ceiling. He bit his lip and shook his head, still in disbelief of the events of the night as his mind, once again, replayed the conversation he had in his bedroom with you, wishing he could turn back time.

Josh told Jake he’d be right back, went upstairs, took the blanket and pillow off his own bed, and brought them downstairs to Jake.

“Just try to sleep. And let me know if you need anything, okay? Love you.” Josh said as he handed Jake a bottle of water and made him drink some of it. 

Jake didn’t reply but Josh didn’t expect him to. Josh started walking up the stairs but stopped when he heard Jake call to him.

“Josh?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you just, can you make sure she’s okay for me? Please?” Jake asked, his voice cracked as he struggled to even get the words out. 

Josh nodded, “I will.”

“Thanks,” Jake paused. “For everything. Love you too.”

Josh gave him a soft smile, continued up the stairs, and flicked off the basement light.

When Josh got into his room, he grabbed the blankets off of Jake’s bed and laid down on his own bed. He was surprised when he heard a whisper coming from Sam’s side of the room.

“Hey,” Sam asked quietly, “Are they okay?” 

“Only time will tell,” Josh said before closing his eyes and finally getting to fall asleep. 

Jake didn’t sleep at all that night. He stayed awake for almost 3 days straight. When he did sleep, it was only short periods of time and all he saw and dreamt about was you. 

Jake slept downstairs for the next week. When Jake finally returned to sleep in his bed, Josh pretended that he didn’t hear Jake crying every night.

December 2013:

It was December 27, the day after the accidental Christmas sleepover situation. Jake and Josh were in their bedroom. Josh laid in his bed with headphones in, half asleep and listening to music. Jake laid on his bed, on his phone when Sam walked in slowly.

“Hey Jake?” Sam asked, leaning against the door frame to their bedroom.

“Yeah?” Jake replied casually, not looking up from his phone.

“Remember what I, what I, uh, asked you last night?” Sam said shyly. 

Jake raised his head to look up at his little brother. Sam was looking at his feet, too embarrassed to even look at Jake. 

“No, what did you ask?” Jake answered with a small smile forming on his face. He was playing dumb and they both knew it. 

“Don’t make me say it,”

“Sam, I don’t know what you asked me last night,” 

“Jake…”

“Sammy…”

“I asked you, how to, you know,”

Jake’s smile lit up his whole face and the light from his phone screen casted shadows over his eyes, making him look a little evil. He had been waiting for this moment to happen. He loved seeing Sam, who always had smart remarks, vulnerable and in need of advice on a topic that he didn’t know anything about. 

“How to what?” he asked. 

“How to,” Sam began and then his voice trailed off and he got quieter, “kiss a girl.”

Jake let out a laugh and sat up in bed. “Sit down, let’s talk.”

Sam sat on the edge of Jake’s bed and Jake began. 

“So, for starters, when you like a girl, you’re going to get this feeling. I can’t really describe it, and it’ll hit you out of nowhere. It’s like, every time you look at her, or even think about her, you’ll feel something inside you kind of light up. She’ll make you feel like you’re alive, more alive than you’ve ever felt before.”

Sam bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows, “And you feel that with her?” he asked.

Jake sighed, “Yeah. Every time she looks at me I feel it. Every time I hear her voice. Every time I touch her. It never gets old.”

Jake looked down and smiled to himself before continuing.

“So when that feeling comes, I don’t know you’ll just have this want. A want to feel her in a different way. A want to have her close to you. A want to… kiss her.”

“Okay. But how do you actually do it?” Sam asked.

“When you’re ready to kiss her, you’ll know. You have to be ready, though. Don’t rush it. Don’t push it. And you have to ask her. You have to ask her before you do anything. Dad told you that, right?”

Sam nodded.

“And if you get the okay from her, you just lean into her, turn your head a little, close your eyes, and then kiss her. And when your lips hit hers, something will take over. I don’t know why and I don’t know how but it just will. You’ll know what to do. And if she’s the right girl, you’ll feel that alive feeling when it happens. It’ll start in your chest and then go through your entire body. It’s adrenaline I guess. Hormones and shit.”

“Were you nervous?” 

Jake laughed, “I have never been more nervous in my entire life. But the first one is always the hardest, ya know?”

Sam nodded and let out a “Hm.” He pursed his lips and looked down, somewhat in defeat. 

“Hey,” Jake started, “It’ll happen one day. You’re young, Sam. You have your whole life ahead of you to kiss girls, or guys, or whoever you’re into.” 

Sam let out a light laugh as Jake nudged him with his arm a little. 

“You have to make me one promise though,” he said. 

“What?” Sam asked.

“You have to stop with the jokes. And the gagging noises. And the grossed out look on your face every time she’s over and you see us doing stuff. Especially now that I know you’re not completely disgusted by it.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “Fine,” he sighed.

Jake continued, “And you know you can come to me for anything, right? Even if I do tease you a little about it?”

Sam smiled, “Yeah. Thanks.”

Jake grabbed Sam’s head and messed up his hair as Sam started to get up.

“Oh, one more question,” Sam asked on his way out the door.

“Yeah?”

“What does a blowjob feel like?”

“Google it,” Jake laughed and picked up Sam’s phone that he left behind. He threw it at Sam and Sam caught it.

Sam laughed and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Jake laid back down and wondered the same thing himself. 

A minute went by and Josh spoke.

“It feels good by the way.”

May 2014:

Josh came home from prom weekend late Sunday night.

Jake was in the boys’ room by himself, laying in bed, texting, and eating chips straight out of the bag when the door to the boys bedroom flung open with full force.

“Hello Jacob,” Josh said slyly, giving him a suggestive smirk.

Jake looked up from his phone and met eyes with Josh who was walking towards his own bed. Jake’s eyes followed him. Both of them knew what eachother was thinking. 

Josh knew what happened. Jake knew that Josh knew. Neither of them told each other. But they knew. 

It was almost as if it was a contest to see who would crack a full smile first. 

Jake lost the contest. 

The second Jake’s lips parted and broke out into a smile, Josh jumped onto Jake’s bed and sat on top of him.

Josh immediately began making obnoxious thrusting movements on the bed, on top of Jake. 

“Oh yeahhh, Baby,” he teased in a deep voice as the bed shook underneath him.

“Oh, Jake, yes right there! Don’t stop!” he teased again, this time in a high pitched voice. 

“Get off me you freak!” Jake laughed as he pushed Josh off him. With the push, Josh rolled off of Jake and his feet hit their bedroom floor once again.

Josh grabbed the bag of chips out of Jake’s hands and threw himself on his own bed as both their laughter faded.

He dug his hand into the bag of chips and spoke, “Feel any different?” he asked, popping a chip into his mouth.

“Kind of,” Jake admitted, “It sort of feels like I’m in on this big secret now. I can’t really explain it,” 

Josh nodded. Josh knew what he meant, having experienced this for himself too. 

“Do Mom and Dad know?” Josh asked.

“Fuck no!” Jake answered quickly, “I think Sam knows though,”

“Sam knows what?” Sam asked, entering the room and walking over to the dresser by his bed.

“Nothing. Just that we have a gig next week, that’s all,” Jake answered quickly, covering up the conversation he was just having with Josh.

“Oh, yeah. I know,” Sam answered as he opened the top drawer of the dresser.

Sam dug around in his dresser quietly. Jake and Josh looked at each other silently, and then looked back at Sam, who was clearly trying to eavesdrop.

After a few moments of silence, Josh spoke again. 

“So was it good?” he asked with his voice just above a whisper. 

Jake looked back over at Josh with a smile slowly spreading across his face. 

“Amazing.” 

Sam turned around instantly and pointed his finger at Jake. 

“Aha! You did have sex! I knew it!” Sam called out, proud of himself for coming to that conclusion but also foolishly forgetting that the door to their bedroom was open. 

“SAM SHUT THE FUCK UP!” The twins both shouted in unison.

Jake rolled his eyes and mumbled something under his breath as he got up, grabbed the bag of chips from Josh’s hands, and laid back down on his own bed. 

Josh pulled out his phone and typed out a text to Jake, trying not to catch Sam’s attention.

JOSH: By the way, you should probably tell Dad.

Jake didn’t reply. He just looked at Josh, who was looking back at him with a serious expression. Josh began typing again.

JOSH: He’s not gonna be mad. I promise. 

JOSH: Just do it now. Before Sam does.

Jake looked at the messages and then over at Josh again and sighed. He got up out of bed and walked out of the room.

“Walk of shame,” Sam said, adding a little “tsk tsk,” after. 

That night, all three boys went to sleep close to midnight. 

The late night thoughts got to each of them.

Jake felt whole. He felt good. He felt like a man now. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He was able to have mature conversations with his older brother and father now. He could understand them. They could understand him. Plus, he knew he made a good choice with how and when he did it. The wait was worth it.

Sam felt curious. Still not even having kissed anyone yet, he wondered what his brothers felt. He couldn’t even begin to know. He hadn’t even taken that first step. The hardest one- and he wasn’t even close to it yet. He wondered if he would ever get to that step.

Josh felt conflicted. He was happy for Jake. Seeing his twin brother so in love made his heart fill up. But he was jealous. He didn’t get to have what Jake had. He hadn’t experienced “love” yet. He regretted his first time. Her family moved away last year. He didn’t even know where she was now. He wanted to feel what Jake felt. Usually, he always felt how Jake felt. But for the first time in his life, he couldn’t. He could see it on Jake though and he just wondered, would he ever feel that way? Would he ever have that? Ever?

June 2014:

Jake had been living in the basement for the past three days. He hadn’t slept. He hadn’t eaten. He hadn’t showered. All he did was lay there in Josh’s blanket, watch tv with a blank stare, and cry at night. 

Kelly and Karen talked amongst themselves and came up with a plan in an attempt to get him moving a little. They figured Josh would be the best one to talk to him. He could tell him things without really telling him things. Twins. 

Josh went downstairs one afternoon and sat down next to Jake on the couch. 

“Moms washing your sheets and then me, her, and Ronnie are gonna go out for a little. Dads gonna take Sam out too. So… if you want to do anything by yourself, you could, you know?” 

Jake knew what he meant. 

Jake nodded and turned his back to Josh, covering himself with the blanket again.

Josh went back upstairs and Jake laid there and waited to hear the sounds of two cars leaving the driveway. 

After a few minutes of silence, he sat up. He listened for any noise and there was nothing. For the first time since October, he was actually completely alone. 

He stood up and looked around himself for a second before heading upstairs.

The house was still and silent, which contrasted to its normal busy and bustling energy.

He peeked into his room to see that his sheets, blankets, and pillows were off his bed. He went into the laundry room and opened the lid of the running washing machine. He watched the soap and bubbles slosh through his bed sheets.

He grabbed some clothes from a basket of clean clothes and headed for the bathroom. A white shirt and black sweatpants. The clothes were Josh’s but he didn’t care. He’d been wearing the same clothes for three days and he wasn’t ready to face his bedroom yet. He knew what he’d find when he opened the drawers.

Jake walked into the bathroom and turned the shower onto the hottest setting.

He let it reach its full temperature and stepped in. He stood there with his head down and his eyes closed, just letting the water nearly burn his body. It hurt. He wanted it to hurt. He wanted to feel pain on something besides his heart. He wanted to hurt himself for what he did. He wanted to punish himself.

After a while, he couldn’t take it anymore. He turned the temperature down and properly washed himself, head to toe. It felt good. 

He spotted Ronnie’s pink bottle of shower gel. He looked at it and thought for a second. He shouldn’t. 

But he couldn’t stop himself.

He picked up the bottle and opened it. He lifted it to his nose and instantly regretted his decision. 

He felt his heart sink as the smell of the strawberry body wash brought back memories. She had used it a few times there before. It reminded him of her and how she smelled when she was with him at home. 

He let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes. It took all the mental strength he had to put the bottle back down.

A small wave of pride rushed through him. This was a step. A baby step, but a step nonetheless.

He finished showering and threw on Josh’s clothes. Before leaving the bathroom, he took the pink strawberry body wash bottle and tossed it in the garbage can.

By the time he was done in the shower, he went back to the laundry room to see his sheets were finished being washed. He opened the lid and peeked inside. The sheets were wet, but clean. 

He grabbed the detergent from the shelf above the machine and poured more in there. He hit the wash button again and watched the water fill up before closing the lid. 

He walked into the kitchen to see some of his favorite snacks conveniently placed on the counter. For the first time in days, he felt hungry. 

He grabbed a bag of pretzels and went downstairs. Right before opening the basement door again, he stopped. He looked down the hallway towards his bedroom. It was a straight shot down the hall and he could see his bed and area of the room perfectly from where he was. He closed his eyes and sighed. 

“Another day,” he thought to himself as he turned his vision back to the basement door and opened it, heading back down for the remainder of the night.

~~~~~

The next day, Jake returned to his bedroom with a cardboard box in his hand. His bed was made and his sheets were clean. But he was dreading what he knew he had to do next.

He stood in the doorway, hesitant to enter.

“You coming in?” Josh asked from his bed as he looked up at Jake. 

Jake walked into his room for the first time since the argument. He looked at josh and then looked over at Sam, who was reading a book in his little corner area of the bedroom.

“Get out,” Jake said bluntly.

Sam rolled his eyes, got up, and mumbled something under his breath as he walked past Jake and closed the door behind him.

Jake placed the box down on his bed. Josh already knew what Jake’s intentions were.

He got out of bed and stood next to Jake. The two of them stared at the empty box that was sitting on Jake’s bed.

“Pictures, clothes, anything girly you find,” Jake said.

Josh nodded and the two of them got started.

They worked in silence for a bit. Jake cleared his drawers of her clothes and stuff she had left behind, not realizing it was the last time she’d be in the house. Josh took pictures off the walls surrounding Jake’s bed. He took good looks at them as he peeled the tape off and placed them in a pile.

After a while, Josh broke the silence.

“I missed you,” he said quietly, not making eye contact with Jake. 

“Yeah,” Jake whispered, “me too.”

“You wanna do something later? Just us?”

Jake nodded, “Yeah,” he sighed, “Gonna go talk to her and give this stuff back so, after, okay? I’m probably gonna need you,”

Josh pushed his body into Jake’s, “I’m always here for you, little brother,”

“By five minutes,” Jake laughed. It was the first time Jake had smiled in days.

~~~~~

Jake continued to skip English class for that next week so he wouldn’t see her. He avoided her in the hallways. He went different routes so he wouldn’t run into her. He waited after school for her to leave before he left himself so he wouldn't see her in the parking lot. What he was doing was obvious. He wasn’t subtle about it. 

On Sunday morning, Jake laid in his bed when his mom came into his room and sat down on the edge. It had been over a week since the breakup and Jake was finally back in his own bed.

“I got an email from your English teacher,” she said, “you stopped going to class and haven’t turned in almost two week's worth of work. You’re failing.” 

Jake sighed and turned over, facing the wall.

“I don’t care,” Jake sighed, pulling the covers over his head.

“You should care,” she said firmly, “He said you won’t graduate unless you turn in that final essay. If you do a good job on it, he’ll let you pass the class with a D.”

The essay was due tomorrow, on a book Jake didn’t even read. He was supposed to start it last week with her right after they wrote out their future plans for the graduation program booklet. But obviously, that didn’t end up happening.

The book and the essay were the last things on Jake’s mind. He was decent at reading and writing, but stuff like this took time for him. There’s no way he could do a good job on it and turn it in by Monday.

That day, he tried to read the book. He looked up the plot online. He tried to find or think of an essay idea to write about. He had nothing. He couldn’t focus on anything. Every sentence in the book reminded him of her. He could associate every word in the book with her. He couldn’t even get through one page without starting to feel his heart drop.

He was going to fail. And since he didn’t have plans for next year anyway, who cared about repeating the grade, right?

On Monday, he walked into English class with his hood covering his head. It was his first time back in class after a week of skipping. He sat down in the corner of the room, opposite from where he normally sat. He crossed his arms and lowered his head so only his nose and eyes could be seen.

At the end of class, everyone was instructed to turn their essays in before leaving. 

Jake had nothing. 

He waited until everyone left the room and then walked out without turning in any work. 

“I can’t pass you, Jake,” his teacher warned sympathetically as he walked out.

“See you next year, Mr. H.” Jake said in a monotone voice. 

Friday was the last day of school. The final essays were being passed back to the class, one by one. 

Each student in class smiled and whispered as they all flipped their papers over to see their grades. 

To Jake’s surprise, a typed and stapled essay appeared on his desk, face down.

“I could only give you a B since you turned it in late. But you did a good job. It’ll give you the final grade you need to graduate,” his teacher said quietly as he passed his desk.

Jake looked at the paper on his desk and then up at him.

“I- I didn’t…” he stuttered. He couldn’t even finish his sentence before his teacher walked away to pass the rest of the essays out. 

Jake flipped over the paper to see his name typed at the top and a B+ written in the corner of the paper in red ink.

He skimmed the essay and flipped the pages quickly. It met every requirement. Three pages. Double spaced. Cited Sources. Everything.

The bell rang and everyone got up to leave. They all said their last goodbyes to their teacher before heading to their next class. Again, Jake waited for everyone else to leave before getting up.

Jake approached his teacher's desk and before he could get any closer, he stopped him and said, “Jake, I don’t know what happened and I don’t want to know what happened. But, she’s good to you. Don’t lose her.”

Jake bit the inside of his cheek, rolled the paper up in his hand, and looked down at it.

“I already did,” he whispered, starting to walk out of class.

“Good luck next year, Jake. Wherever life takes you. I have a feeling life’s got big plans for you.”

Jake gave him a small smile and waved as he left the classroom for the last time. 

As he entered the hallway, he looked to the right to see a shadow around the corner quickly disappear.

That night Jake got home to see two gray and red cap and gown sets laid out on the family’s couch.

He pulled out his phone from his pocket and sent a text.

6:45 PM: Thanks.

She got the text. She didn’t reply. 

It took everything she had in her not to reply. And she didn’t know it, but it took everything he had in him not to type “Love you,” at the end.

November 1, 2014:

It was November 1, 2014. You and Jake’s one year anniversary.

After the initial shock of you going to New York for college wore off, Jake came around after some time and offered to try long distance starting in the fall. You were glad that he was willing to try and glad that the relationship you had with him was still strong. After all, what couple doesn’t get into a fight here and there?

The summer you and Jake spent together was indescribable. You spent almost every day together. 

You rode bikes, went camping, got ice cream, and went swimming. Usually, you would stay out all day and all night with him and then sneak each other back into your rooms in the early morning hours for a few hours of sleep.

You went to his family’s lakehouse cabin with him and Josh a few times for a few days at a time in between his gigs.

He started playing more outdoor shows in Michigan and some surrounding states for fairs and auto shows. Sometimes, the two of you would drive a couple hours together for him to play a show for twenty people, and then you’d stay in a crappy motel for the night or you’d sleep in the car as he drove back home. You were doing it, you were seeing the world with him. Little by little.

The summer quickly came to an end though and before you knew it, your parents' car was packed with your clothes and dorm supplies, and you were set to head off to New York. Without him. 

The last time you saw him in person was outside his house at 6 am on an August morning. You were saying your last goodbye to him before you and your parents road tripped to New York to drop you off at school. 

That was the last time you hugged him. The last time you kissed him. The last time you felt him.

He hugged you tighter than he ever had before and you did the same to him. Neither of you wanted to let the other go. You knew it would be the last time you saw him for a while. 

You’ll never forget him standing there in the middle of his driveway, in pajama pants, wiping tears off his face as the car drove away.

He would have come for the drive if he could. But he couldn’t. You understood though. Sam was starting high school in a few days and the band had become busier than ever with shows, rehearsals, and writing and recording sessions scheduled by the little management company that picked them up over the summer.

As summer ended and fall began, the two of you had gotten busy. You with school, and him with the band. Things were picking up for them and you couldn’t have been happier for Jake. The dream he thought he lost forever was back in his grasp and he was achieving it slowly and surely. And regardless of your busy schedules, you always made time for each other where you could fit it. The two of you relied on texts, facetime, and phone calls to stay in touch. You mostly texted throughout the day and called each other when you both had a free afternoon or night.

Thanksgiving break was coming up and you planned to go home to spend the entire long weekend with your family and Jake. You had been counting down the days for weeks. 

You had just got out of class for the day and you were texting Jake on the walk back to your dorm. The two of you planned a little Facetime dinner date for your anniversary. It wouldn’t be much, but it was all you could do. Besides, your roommate already had plans for the weekend to stay with her boyfriend, who went to school in Brooklyn, so you had the room to yourself.

Yellow, brown, and orange leaves blew through the fall air and crunched under your shoes as you walked. The sun was just about to set for the night and it left a golden hue in the sky. New York City in the fall was absolutely perfect. 

4:47 PM: I just got out of class. I’m gonna get food real quick so give me like ten minutes.

He replied instantly.

4:48 PM: Okay, talk to you soon my love.

Your heart skipped a beat for a second at his words. My love. 

You smiled at your phone as your heart filled with warmth. In just a few minutes, you’d be able to hear his voice. And in just a few weeks, you would be seeing him in real life. You could practically feel him already.

You looked up from your phone and continued down the sidewalk. You turned the corner to see your dorm building in the distance. 

As you got closer to your building, you reached down into your bag to find your key. When you looked back up, you saw someone leaning against the building in a denim jacket and a knitted hat with a red and black flannel shirt peeking out from underneath. It seemed to be a guy with wavy, shoulder length brown hair that fell from the hat. He was looking down at his phone.

There was no way. 

You had pictured his face on strangers in the city a million times. You did double takes at guys with long hair you passed in the streets. There was no way it was him. Your mind was playing tricks on you again.

But then you saw it. 

He put his head down and grabbed the back of his neck. It was that same little movement he always did when he was nervous.

Jake.

You started walking faster until you got closer to him. You spoke loud enough for him to hear. At the sound of your voice, his head shot up and a smile lit up his face instantly.

“What are you doing here?” you shouted. You barely even finished what you were saying when he picked you up off the ground and spun you around in his arms. 

He placed you down on the sidewalk and held your face in his palms. 

“Hi Baby,” he whispered, giving you the sweetest kiss on the lips. 

You broke away from him and looked at him in disbelief. He looked different that he had the last time you saw him. 

You grabbed his chin to feel stubble covering it. You held onto his hair and felt the new length of it at your fingertips. It was almost touching his shoulders at that point. It was almost like you were feeling to see if he was real or not. And he was. He was a little different. But he was real. And he was Jake. 

“How did you? When did you?” you asked, barely even able to form a full sentence.

“My flight landed at 2, I took a couple trains, walked around a little, got lost for a second, and then boom- found it,” he explained as he looked up at your building. 

“You did this for me? I’m coming home for Thanksgiving in two weeks!” you said, still in shock.

“I did it for us,” he smiled, “Plus, one year is a big deal. At least that's what my mom said.”

“Jacob Thomas Kiszka. You are unbelievable. You know that, right?” 

He raised his eyebrows, bit his bottom lip, smiled, and nodded.

“Happy one year anniversary, Y/N,” he said softly.

“Happy anniversary, Jake,” you replied.

He smiled at you softly before placing a gentle kiss on  your lips. His lips were soft and his kiss was sweet, just like they always were. 

You continued kissing him and the two of you deepened your kisses. You grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him in towards you. He pulled you in by your back. You kissed him hard, not even caring that you were in the middle of the sidewalk.

The feeling of his lips on yours after two months was like none other. It was like no time had passed between the two of you. As you kissed him, memories of every single kiss you shared with him flooded your brain.

The first kiss in his garage. 

The kiss in his car after the two of you made things official. 

The kiss in his bedroom on Christmas. 

The kiss in the snow when he told you he loved you. 

The kiss on the cliffside when you watched the stars. 

The kiss in the rain outside of the bar you went to see him play a show at. 

The kiss in the kitchen of his family's cabin on his birthday. 

The kiss right before you gave him your virginity.

Every. Single. One.

He pulled back after a moment and gave you one more softer kiss. 

“Love you,” he whispered.

“Love you, too,” you replied.

You stood there staring at each other for a moment until Jake broke the silence.

“So,” he said as he held his hands on the small of your back, pulling you in towards him slightly, “I’m here all weekend. Show me around.”

You grabbed his hand and pulled him into your building, now extra thankful your roommate had left for the weekend already. Both of you knew what your first activity together would be.

After you and Jake had a nice little reunion in your room, you took him out to see the city you’ve lived in for the past two months. You introduced him to your friends and showed him all your favorite places around the city. You got dirty water hot dogs, walked through Washington Square Park, and you showed him Times Square. It was just a bit more of the world you were seeing together. 

At night you took him to all the bars that didn’t card and he judged the bands that played 45 minute sets of cover songs. The two of you drank beer and took shots until your vision got blurry. As you drank more, he got handsy and you got giggly; and to be honest, neither of you minded one bit. 

After the last call, the two of you ventured back into the streets and stumbled back to your dorm to squeeze into your tiny twin sized bed, just like you used to do in his room back home. He laid on his back and you put your head on his chest. You lifted your leg up and hitched it over his hip. He pulled you close to him and swirled his fingers along the skin of your back until his hand got too tired and he fell asleep.

For the past two months, you fell asleep and woke up to the sounds of horns honking and sirens blasting outside your window. But that weekend, you fell asleep to the sounds of Jake’s heartbeat in his chest and woke up to the sounds of his soft snoring in your ear. For just a second, it took you back to Michigan, back home.

You laid awake as Jake slept next to you. You stared at the ceiling of your dorm room and then looked over at him.

You were in the middle of New York City. You were a completely insignificant piece of the universe. But you were in Jake’s arms- the safest place on earth. You weren't in Michigan. But you were with him. And with him, you were home.

But that didn’t happen, did it? No. 

“Hello?” your friend called out from the other side of the table you were sitting at in the library. She continued, “I said it’s November 1st. You asked what day it was and I said November 1st. Are you okay? You blanked out for a minute,”

“Yeah, I’m uh, I’m fine,” you stuttered.

You looked down at your school work on the table in front of you and let out a breath. You shook your head and rubbed your face for a second.

“Please tell me you’re still not thinking about your ex. What’s his name? J-”

“Jake,” you interrupted. 

She nodded and took a sip of her coffee.

“Today would have been our one year anniversary. That’s all,” you said quietly.

“Sorry,” she whispered. You could tell she felt bad about bringing it up.

“It’s okay. But, I’m, I’m gonna go back to my room. Be alone for a little,” 

She gave you a sympathetic smile and nodded, “Text me if you need anything,” 

“Thanks, I will,” you said as you got up and packed up your stuff. 

You exited the library and walked down the sidewalk back to your dorm building alone. You approached your building to be hit with the reality that he was not in fact standing outside, waiting for you. 

When you entered your room, you put your stuff down, threw on sweatpants, and got into your bed. You opened your phone and scrolled to the very first photo in your camera roll. The one photo you couldn’t bring yourself to delete. It was Jake, smiling a full toothed smile to the camera with his cheek smushed up next to yours. 

“Happy one year, Baby,” you whispered as you clicked the delete button.

The End

Author’s Note:

I originally published Amongst the Stars on January 19, 2022. It was the first fanfiction I’ve ever written. The original idea for this fic started off as a silly little imagine in a group chat and I never expected it to come to life as a full story. Thank you to that group chat. Thank you to Chelsea for the original edits and thank you to Delani for the title. Thank you to so many of my friends for always listening to my ideas, helping me continue the story, and yelling at me for breaking your hearts. 

As this year has gone on, I’ve written more fics and learned so much. I never thought writing would become a hobby for me but this fic really started it all. Amongst the Stars has been and always will be my baby. I wanted to do something special for the one year anniversary of it. In addition to that, looking back, I saw where improvements could have been made and I decided to make those changes to give ATS a full Princess Diaries style makeover. I compiled the original fic (with edits and additions), the deleted scenes (with some additions as well), new cover art, new extras that took a look inside Jake’s world, and the alternate anniversary ending to keep it all organized and close the world of ATS for good. I guess we can call this the “Deluxe Edition” if you will. 

This story will always hold a special place in my heart. Thank you to anyone who has read it and has supported me along the way. Thank you to the friends I made because of this fic. And finally, thank you to Jake Kiszka and his emo phase. 

The story of ATS may be closed. But I never said anything about Josh and Sam’s first love stories closing. There’s small hints at the plots of their stories hidden within this story. Let me know if you find them!

As always, please let me know what you think in my ask or in the replies. Tell me all the parts you loved and the parts you may not have loved too! I want to hear everything you have to say! I love hearing opinions and feedback!

Playlist: 

(A fanfiction sponsored by Taylor Swift)

Train: Drops of Jupiter

Taylor Swift: You All Over Me

Taylor Swift: Sparks Fly

Taylor Swift: Back to December

Taylor Swift: You’re On Your Own, Kid

Taylor Swift: Invisible String

Taylor Swift: The Very First Night

Lizzy McAlpine: Apple Pie

Niall Horan: Still

Adele: All I Ask

Briston Maroney: Rose

One Direction: Night Changes

Stephen Stills: Love the One You’re With

Greta Van Fleet: Flower Power

Carrie Underwood: The Night Before (Life Goes On)

Goo Goo Dolls: Iris

Hozier: Like Real People Do

Boys Like Girls: Heels Over Head

High School Musical Three Cast: Right Here, Right Now

#jake kiszka #jake kiszka fanfic #jake kiszka fanfiction #jake kiszka fluff #jake greta van fleet #jake gvf #jtk #jake kiszka x y/n #jake kiszka imagine #jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka smut #jake kiszka x you #jtk x reader #josh kiszka fanfiction #sam kiszka fanfiction

[spunchthegoblin]

Review of each IB class as an international baccalaureate diploma haver (IB is just AP but more european)

HL English - One of the less stressful classes. I like reading and writing, I remember finishing assignments earlier than expected. I got a 5

Oral exam - Did this in junior year, I did it on V for Vendetta (the movie) and Small Gods by Terry Pratchett because I was smoking fucking crack apparently

Paper - I barely remember this one, I think I did it on Ajax. Easy

Exams - Easy shit. I even had time to draw on the back

HL History - Having a good teacher helped. Not caring about WW1 did not help. I got a 5

Paper - Actual garbage. Worst thing I've ever written. Wrote it in junior year then had to edit it a year later and it was so bad

Exams - More stressful than the english ones, my hand fucking hurt, still had time to draw on the back because I'm the goat

SL Biology - Yayy :3 aminals and cell :3 slime :3 (I got a 5)

Paper - did it on slime mold hehe. Make sure you have your plan together early on in this assignment in case you need to order materials

Exams - If you make up enough things about science you might accidentally stumble into the right answer!

SL Math - I'm one of those sick fucks who like math. If you're a normal person then I'd consider getting a tutor to lessen the stress. I got a 5

Paper - finished this in like 2 days easy

Exam - Literally fuck my entire life

HL Theatre - If you're willing to embarrass yourself, lie, cheat, and steal, then this is an easy HL class. I got a 5

Papers - there's no exam for this class, only papers and recorded performances. The directors notebook was fun (didn't require any acting, I could draw pretty pictures). The research project was ok, make sure that your subject has more than one source describing it (I did mine on Kabuki theater so pretty easy). The group project... I don't want to think about that. The solo project was almost fun I got to writhe on the floor like a worm.

SL Spanish - literal dante's inferno type journey. I got a 4

Oral exam - on GOD don't be autistic

Exams - If I had a gun I'd kill myself

Extended Essay - don't forget to have fun and be yourself :) I got a D. If I could pass with that dogshit essay then SO CAN YOU!!

CAS - If you're bad at lying on IB assignments at this point I don't know how to help you. I actually don't know if they grade this? I'm not checking

CAS project - Make sure to do this completely last minute ok? :3

CAS presentation? - The thing you record all your CAS stuff on. People say that the Service part was the most difficult but that was easy for me since my town has a lot of volunteer opportunities, yours does too if you look hard enough. I had trouble on the Active because I do not go outside.

Ok I think that's everything but just make sure that you get deeply invested into a new video game two weeks before the exam this step is crucial also make sure you get into a college that only accepts 45 of your IB credits even though you got 55 LITERALLY KILL YOURSELF WESTERN WASHINGTON SUCK MY BALLS

#IB student #studyblr #international baccalaureate #ib diploma #high school

[jamneuromain]

MY MISERABLE JOB-SEEKING TRAGEDY

SO

Never thought this would happen to me even if I have endured the last two months' effort of trying to find a job

-which, an offer is *was* on its way, or so I thought

On March 17th, I applied for a English teaching position that requires "Master Degree" in English. The HR personnel of the Uni (Like, an actual Uni, instead of some crappy, illegal educational workshop) reached out to me in two weeks, on Apr. 1st, saying that I'm qualified for this position and invited me to the online interview a week later.

This is an esteemed university in the local province, one that can rank top 3 based on its reputation.

On Apr 7th. I presented thirty minutes of my curriculum design and delivers a small demonstration of how I would teach the class, after that, the panel of six raised a copious amount of questions that dragged the interview towards an hour.

By then, I thought this was going very well.

(Apr. 9th) At the end of that week, I asked for the result of this interview. The HR said they have one more interviewee to do.

(Apr. 12th) Finally, HR shared the delightful news that I have passed their one and only interview, that they have started the process to issue an offer.

I WAS FUCKING THRILLED.

(Apr. 19th) And then another week, I asked whether they had news on the offer, and the HR said "I'll go ask". And not another word.

(Apr. 23rd) The uni had announced a few of its positions being filled. So I asked again. This time, HR said, they had filed the papers and handed them to the School, which means that the next step would be the uni HR office.

(May 10th) No word. No news at all. The anxiety was killing me. So I phoned the University HR office, and was given the reply that the papers still hadn't got to the University level, which meant they were still in the School level.

I phoned the number of the hiring officer on the hiring ad. A woman picked up the phone and told me: We are holding another OFFLINE interview. Are you available on the 17th?

I was puzzled and asked: But I thought the online interview was the only interview needed? And I passed it? Why is there another interview now?

The woman said nothing. Only that "Someone will contact you regarding this information"

I'm like: Okay. Can you send me the address of the offline interview via Wechat?

And then a few minutes later, she said "Maybe not 17th. Definitely a Friday. Could be 24th."

I was so puzzled.

And the HR that initially contacted me told me an hour later: "Can you come to our uni for the interview on 31st?"

-- by then, my attitude is "okay. just another interview. no biggie"

(May 11th) And today, at nine o'clock in the morning.

The HR said: "Don't come on 31st."

I asked "why?"

HR: "Because our dean wants a doctor instead of a master"

I asked: "But your hiring add says master and above?"

HR: "Yes ... but we want a doctor, you see. And uh... there's a new doctor candidate cv in our hands."

I asked: "but I AM QUALIFIED. AND passed the interview. And you handed in the papers to hire me? I'm literally given an oral offer by you?"

HR: "Well ... things change. Good luck!"

Now, I have contacted the HR personally earlier today, ensuring what I have suspected. They have this "other candidate" that is neither stronger in academic records, nor in the interview/mock teaching process, only better than me in the sense of a more powerful relative. That's why they wanted me to go to the Uni for OFFLINE interview in the first place, so that "the other candidate" could win "fair and square". - They could easily give the other candidate the score of 90% while giving me a 60% "Well, your performace is not as good as his", so that they could justify the hiring process of this other candidate. But then considering an offline interview would require a camera and recording, they thought "Oh F- oh no Jam could easily outperform this poor bastard". So, "THINGS CHANGE GOOD LUCK"

The point of this rant is not that I think schools, unis, or whatevs should only hire me. No. But all I'm saying is, they have promised me an offer (in oral form, I sadly add, so that no legal way of punishing them), and in the duration of a month, they have stalled, dragged, even thought of a malicious way of "allowing me to go to their university just that they could say no to my face", changing dates and time, wasting my time and money (a lot of it, I might add, I have turned down two offers for this uni, just because they PROMISED - i am an idiot, I know), torturing my mind and triggering my anxiety because they delayed, and delayed again, and they did it without remorse.

Look, after two months of trying to search for a job, actually, nearly NINE, if you count the previous months where I worked towards the exams to get a job. I have been rejected/ghosted/ignored over four hundred times, and I accept them. I truly do. I don't expect HRs to spend their time carefully going over each applicant. I also don't expect every CV I send out there would be replied with a job offer. I'm fine with the results I get, and I have my conscience intact. That's fine by me.

But what I don't tolerate, is the fact that they have purposefully wasted my time for a whole fucking month, giving me false hope, promising me an offer and then denied it from happening.

Goody-news for them, those who wanted to stuff another dude by their ridiculous "connections". I don't care that guy they want to replace me with is some dean's nephew or some director's son. I'm fucking stubborn. They have stepped over the wrong line and as long as I live and breathe, I promise them, I will have my eyes over this position, and dare they put one person in it, I will send a report letter to the authorities, and let's see if their recruiting speed could compare to my ctrl+v.

This is a game they have started, but they don't get to decide whether it's finished or not. I don't care whether they want to continue. They are fucking playing.

#jnmrambles #personal

[asmutwriter]

Welcome to the Freak Show (Part 5)

A slightly longer one for you, it got to juicy for me to split in half (no pun intended)

Eddie x Reader

WORD COUNT: 4751

From beginning / Previous / Next / Master List

WARNINGS: smut, dom Eddie, sub reader, slight masochism, praise, biting, hair pulling, oral (f recieving), over stimulation, swearing, smoking

DISCLAIMERS

-  This is fiction. Please always talk to your partner before doing anything and make sure they are ok with what you are doing beforehand

- From my knowledge the age of consent for where they are is 16, not 18. This is based off of the ages of Nancy and Steve when they were in season 1 so dont come for me if I’m wrong

4 WEEKS LATER

You place the last box into your small house. Well, more like a flat. You were renting out the rooms just above a record store. So you had a new job and a new house. But you were back where you belonged. You smile sadly, knowing your parents and brother were so far away. Being away from Hawkins made you realise how much you loved it here. How many friends you had and how good you were at your subjects. You couldn’t drop out, not now. Not when you were so close to finishing school. This was your last year after all. You let out a sigh, excited to go back to school and see Alice again. Although you had said that you were possibly moving back to Hawkins you didn’t say exactly when or if you would for definite. 

-

Another week passes, and you sit in your English class. She walks in, squealing as she sees you. She runs over, hugging you tightly “How have you been? It’s been way to long!”

“It’s only been a couple of weeks”

“A couple of weeks is a long time!” you both laugh. She hugs you again, just as your teacher walks in

“Settle down now people. English won’t teach itself”

“I’ll talk to you properly at lunch, ok?” she nods and smiles, sitting next to you and holding your hand, excited to see her best friend back again. 

-

You’re next lesson you don’t share with Alice. History. You sit sketching in your notebook as your teacher talks. You hear the door open but don’t look up "You’re late. Go sit by Elizabeth please” she carries on talking. You move your bag off the chair next to you. You hoped sitting here would mean that you would be less likely to get people sitting next to you, but alas. You notice some ringed fingers pulling out books from a bag. You turn and see Eddie sitting next to you. Confusion fogs your brain as you turn and look back at your sketch. “Now I encourage you to talk to your partners about this. I will give you all 15 minutes to complete the list of questions I have set out for you” she says as she hands each student a piece of paper with various questions on it “You may talk and ask me for help as well” she goes back to the front of the class, sitting at her desk as the students start to chat to one another. You turn to face Eddie. He looks at you, shock covering his face as well.

“I thought you’d moved away”

“I thought you left school” he looks bitter as he chuckles

“I failed so got held back a year” you nod. That would make sense. He is a year older then you in the academic year, even though you were born in the same year. “You aren’t in... Canada?” you shake your head, reading through the questions and starting to answer them

“My parents and Michael stayed there. I said I wanted to complete school down here though so they bought me a small apartment. I’m nearly 18 so it isn’t too much of a problem” he nods, also getting his paper and looking at the questions. 

“I’m glad you’re here... you can help me answer these”

“You highly misjudge how intelligent I am”

“Likely more clever then me though” he smiles at you as you both go through the paper.

At the end of the lesson your teacher speaks up “Now, I want you to get to know your history partner well. As this will be the seating plan for this year. So, I have an assignment for you all to do. I want you and your partner to create a speech about a famous historical figure. Do your own research, and be ready to present it to the class. You have 2 weeks” she smiles at you all “I will let you have 5 minutes to discuss with your partner, then you may go to lunch”. You turn to him

“This weekend, come round my place. We can do a full weekend of research and stuff so that it’s over and done with, ready for next week” he nods slightly

“So what, that’s the...” he counts in his head “12th on Saturday right?” you nod, grabbing your bag 

“Yep. I’ll see you at 11″

“What’s your address?” you grab a small piece of paper from your bag, scribbling down your address onto it. Handing it to him and smiling 

“See you tomorrow dude” you smile at him as you head to lunch

-

The rest of the week is normal. You go to school, then go do a few hours at work, go home, eat and sleep, then repeat the next day. You are exhausted by Friday. So much so that the knock on your door Saturday morning wakes you. You grumble as you answer the door “Hey, well you look like shit” Eddie says. You grunt at him, giving him the finger as you walk back into your house, him following and shutting the door behind you. “Are you ok?” You grunt again. “You’re going to need to be more elaborate than just grunting at me” you roll your eyes, facing him and sitting on the sofa.

“I’m ok. Just tired. Having weeks off where I was doing nothing and now I’m doing school full time plus a part time job. It’s exhausting” he nods and sits next to you

“Have you only just woken up?” you nod. He nods slowly, standing up and going into the kitchen. He goes through your cupboards before letting out a small ‘yay’ as he finds a bowl. Grabbing the box of cereal on the side he fills the bowl up. Grabbing a spoon from the drying rack and bringing it over to you, placing it on your lap. You let out an annoyed groan. “Eat. Now” you glare at him, taking a spoonful and biting it as sarcastically as you can. He smiles and pats your head “Oh you’re such a good girl for me”

“Fuck you” you say between mouthfuls. He grins

“Nice work outfit by the way” you look down, seeing your waitress uniform still on. You groan loudly, shutting your eyes before looking at him.

“Please pretend I’m an organised human ok?” he laughs as you finish your food, standing up and taking it to the kitchen “5 minutes and I’ll be out” he nods. You go into your room, shutting the door you ditch your clothes. Putting on clean jeans and button up shirt, tying your hair up in a high ponytail as to hide how greasy it looks. You go back out, smiling and doing a twirl as he claps

“Well done. You were ready for me this whole time” you laugh and sit back next to him. Then sadly look over at the books you got out from the library that are sat the other side of the room. He chuckles as he stands up, going over and bringing them to you. 

“Why weren’t you in school this week?” he shrugs, grabbing a book and flicking quickly through the pages. 

“Who are we researching?” 

“I dunno. Who’s an interesting person?”

“I dunno either”

“The English monarchy always fascinates me” you gasp with excitement, grabbing his arm “we could do the Russian Tsars”

“The Russian what’s?”

“Tsars? You know. Rasputin and stuff” he looks baffled as you go over to your book case and grab a book, bring it back over “The Tsars are basically Russia’s royalty. They got killed off for a variety of reasons. But, Rasputin is the guy that is the most fascinating to me. They attempted to kill him several times by shooting, poisoning and beating. But they drowned him in the end” you place the book down. He nods

“Sounds good to me” he grabs some paper and the book you just put down, starting to read through the notes.

-

A few hours go by, you have written down your notes. Your stomach lets out a deep growl, making your cheeks turn red. “I think that’s a sign we should stop and eat”

“But I want to carry on” he looks at the time, chuckling

“It’s coming up for 5:30. Come on, I’ll cook for you” you frown at him as he places his book down. Going to the kitchen he searches through your cupboards. You follow, watching him as he finds some pasta and pans, starting to cook over your oven. That’s when you notice the shirt he’s wearing. You chuckle

“I can’t believe you actually like it” 

“What?”

“The hellfire club symbol I made”

“Oh yeah” he looks down at his shirt “It’s such a good design. Me and the others wear them constantly” he smiles, going to stir the food. “Why did your brother not come down and join you?”

“He stayed in Canada for college. They do the course he wants up there. Plus mum and dad are there for work. I was the weird one in wanting to come back down here” he nods

“You said you were turning 18 soon” you nod

“In October”

“You doing anything special for it?”

“Well, I was going to have a big party with all my friends but considering they all still hate me I’m thinking I might just not do anything”

“You need to do something for your 18th!”

“What did you do for yours?”

“I had all my friends round and we drank and played games”

“I might do that. Well, me and my one friend”

“I’m offended”

“Why?”

“Am I not your friend?” you laugh

“Fine. Me and my two friends”

“Better” you both laugh. 

“I might just have a giant fuck off party though and invite everyone. Regardless of social standings in school and stuff like that” he nods, turning to face you and smiling

“I just can’t believe I’m older then you”

“Only by a few months”

“6 months to be precise” you laugh and nod. He motions at the food “it has a little while to cook. I’m going to go and have a smoke” you nod 

“I’ll come and keep you company” he nods and you both go out, he stands on the top of the stairs and you stand in the doorway. He pulls out a lighter and a cigarette. Placing it in his mouth and lighting the end. You fold your arms, starting to shiver slightly. He furrows his brows slightly as he smokes

“Are you cold?”

“No I’m wimpy. I’ll be fine” he shakes his head, keeping one arm out the door with his cigarette he grabs his coat that he placed on the coat rack. Placing it back in his mouth, he drapes his jacket over your shoulders. He smiles at you as he stands back outside, you shyly smiling as you put your arms in his leather jacket. “You know what would look absolutely amazing with this?” he shakes his head “a denim jacket over the top. Like with pins and stuff on it. True punk style” he nods and smiles

“That would look good. I have a jacket at home but it’s quite old now, the sleeves are coming off”

“Don’t need sleeves. This has sleeves to keep your arms covered” you rub your arms. He nods, pulling his lighter out again to relight it. You do grabby hands at it, he chuckles and hands you the lighter “Have you ever done this thing?” you put the lighter on, the flame licking the top of it. You wave your hand over it, feeling the heat in your fingertips.

“Jesus” he mutters as you hold the flame in front of you

“It doesn’t hurt” he raises an eyebrow at you “if you do it quick enough you don’t burn” you show him your hand “see?” he nods, waving his hand quickly over it, then letting out a small chuckle

“That’s kind of fun” you nod, handing him the lighter back. He places it in his pocket, snuffing out his cigarette and going to the kitchen again, serving up two plates of food “Bon appetite” he hands you a plate as you both go and sit in the living room.

-

A few more hours pass, you both spend a while on your project. You stretch, you’re back hurting from being hunched over for so long. You look at the clock “What time did you need to be back?” he looks at the clock and laughs

“Apparently not before midnight”

“Sorry”

“It’s fine”

“If you want we can finish this tonight and you can stay round” he looks at you

“Are you sure?” you nod

“Saves you going back when it’s past midnight” you nod “Or do you just want to sleep now and finish this tomorrow?”

“Probably that. I don’t know how much more my brain can concentrate” he smiles “Sorry” you shrug and smile at him

“Umm, you take the bed, I’ll sleep out here”

“No it’s your house you sleep in your bed”

“Nope you’re the guest”

“Why don’t we do this true sleepover style and both sleep out here?” he half smiles at you as you nod at his plan, going into your bedroom and grabbing some blankets and cushions. You pass him some, moving your little coffee table over and lying on the floor, cushion placed under your head. He lies next to you, laying the blanket over him. Grabbing the small lamp you place it near your heads, turning it on

“Shit I forgot to turn the main light off” you stand up again, going over to turn it off. He laughs before you do

“I forgot you were wearing my jacket. You look so small in it” you chuckle and place your arms out to the side, the sleeves hiding half of your hands.

“I would give it back to you but its mine now” he laughs as you turn the light off, going back over and lying down. The gentle light from the lamp being the only source of light in the room. You hold your hand up, creating a shadow on the ceiling. He chuckles as you make it look like a dog, him copying you and pretending to chase you with his dog. He grabs your hand, making fake eating noises as you laugh, his hand then holding yours, interlocking his fingers with yours. He kisses the back of it before placing both yours and his hand on his chest. “Have you got a necklace on?” you ask as you feel roughness hit your hand from under his shirt

“Huh? Yeah” he uses his hand that isn’t holding yours to pull out a necklace, a guitar pick dangling from it. You use your free hand to hold it, looking at it closely. Your body turning towards his. 

“I didn’t realise you played guitar...” he turns his body to face you, your interlocked hands coming up to rest by your faces. He nods

“Have you got anymore tattoos since I last saw you?” you shake your head 

“I want one behind my ear but it’ll be difficult to hide, plus I can’t do it myself”

“I can do it for you”

“Really?” he nods, moving his free hand to come up and move the hair out of the way so he can look, his finger lightly tracing the skin behind your ear.

“What would you like?”

“Roses I think would look cool. In amongst some vines” he nods, his eyes meeting yours as he stays tracing the soft skin. You smile at him, before being cut off with a yawn. He chuckles slightly, hand moving to gently stroke your cheek with his thumb. 

“What happened to us doing an all-nighter?”

“I never said I’d do that” he laughs “Also what would we even do all night? I don’t have many films here” he nods, his eyes darting to your lips before going back to your eyes. You smile slightly, leaning into him as you rest your forehead against his shoulder, shutting your eyes and lying down more as he stays resting on his side. After a few moments you feel him start to move, you go to move away from him thinking he needed to get up and you were in the way but then you feel him gently press his lips to yours. A hand still on your cheek as he keeps kissing you. He pulls away, almost like he suddenly realised what he was doing. His face a foot or so away from your face

“Shit I’m sorry” he goes to move away but you shake your head

“Please... I-I like this” he smiles down at you, kissing you again before looking at you with questioning eyes

“Are you sure?” you nod and bite your lip. He smiles, kissing you again. This time he moves, his hand that was on your cheek helping to keep him up as he moves to be over you. His body at a slight angle in comparison to yours. Your free hand going to the back of his neck as a way to bring him closer to you, tasting cigarettes on his tongue. His hands gripping onto yours, allowing you to be able to feel his rings leaving dents in the palms of your hands. The kiss staying slow as you explore each other’s mouths. He pulls away, both of you breathless as he smiles down at you. You bite your bottom lip, going to kiss him again but him being too far away from you. You let out an annoyed whine causing him to laugh “what do you need, hmm?” you feel your cheeks redden

“...you...” you whisper out. His smile widens even more, the hand keeping him up moves, using his forearm on his other arm to keep himself up. He strokes your reddened cheek before his fingers go to the front of your shirt. His hand playing with the buttons, raising an eyebrow slightly as he doesn’t feel the familiar feel of a bra underneath your shirt

“Are you wearing anything underneath?” your cheeks go even redder as you try to hide your face into his arm. “Come on pretty girl, answer my question” You feel your face burning, but you take a deep and shaky breath. Refusing to look at him as you speak

“I’m not...” he kisses your temple as he leans to one side slightly, his arm keeping him up, fingers still interlocked with yours as he glides his free hand over your torso, slowly undoing the buttons. Each one he undoes you see his eyes flutter up to check your face, ready to stop at any sign of discomfort as your eyes stay transfixed on his delicate fingers undoing each button. As he opens the last one he takes the side of your shirt and his jacket, he starts to move it slowly, allowing your chest to be seen. He lets out a sinful moan as he looks at your boobs. The hand coming up and squeezing one gently, his rings cold against your hot skin. He leans down, taking one of your nipples into his mouth. You moan, your free hand grabbing his hair. He attacks your nub with his tongue, gently grazing it with his teeth. You moan, gripping his hair tightly. He lets out a grunt as you tighten your grip on him. You smile evilly as you tug at his roots again. Another moan leaves his lips. The vibration going through your chest straight to your core “Does someone like a little pain, huh?” you tease, biting your lip as you grip tighter, his eyes shutting as he holds back a moan. “My little masochist...” He moves off of your boob in a swift motion, his free hand coming up to go around your neck. He gently squeezes the sides, causing you to let out a small moan. 

“Don’t forget who’s in charge, hmm?” he smiles, leaning down towards your face as he kisses you roughly 

“Ple-please” your free hand moves to grip at the base of his shirt “off” you plead at him. He smiles, letting go of your neck and hand as he kneels down at the end of your body. He pulls the clothing over his head, throwing it to the side as you bite your lip, looking at his tattooed torso. Your hand reaches out, gently tracing the various inks sketches. He smiles, leaning back over you as he positons his body between your legs, kissing you again as you feel him lower his body more onto yours. One hand goes and holds him up, the forearm resting near your head as he gently strokes your cheek. The other traces lightly down your body. You feel him unbutton your jeans, slowly pulling them down your body. You lift yourself up slightly so he can remove them. The whole time your lips never parting. He starts to rub you on the outside of your underwear, causing you to moan into his mouth. He smiles, pulling away slightly

“Let’s hear that again shall we?” he pushes hard down onto your clothed clit, making you moan out and grab his bicep with both your hands

“Please. Please” he kisses you again, smiling as he kisses your neck and making his way down.

“How could I refuse when you asked me so nicely” he positons himself between your legs, hands gently caressing your thighs as he plants kisses to your still clothed core. You try and grind against his face but he tuts and uses one hand to hold you pelvis down. He takes a hold of your pants, slowly pulling them down your legs. “Jesus look at how wet you are already baby” He presses his finger against your sensitive clit, rubbing circles onto it as you whine out. Grabbing a hold of his hair and trying to bring him closer to you. 

“Eddie please” you cry out, soon after feeling the harshness of his finger be replaced by his soft lips. Keeping a hand on either one of your thighs he starts licking and sucking on your folds, nose brushing your clit. You whine out, both hands tugging harshly at his hair in an effort to bring him closer to you. You start rutting your hips into his face, feeling him work his way round your hole as your hips move to make his nose hit your clit. God he sure knows how to use his tongue. “Gonna... gonna cum...” he smiles, his mouth staying in your folds and his finger going from one of your thighs to rub your clit. You try everything to keep yourself from crushing his head as your orgasm hits you. Your hands pushing him further into your heat as you moan out various curse words. You feel one of his hands still on your thigh, managing to keep his head from being completely engulfed. He helps you ride it out, moving away as he watches your hole leak out fresh juices. He rubs your shaky thighs. You see him sit up properly, wiping his mouth and chin. You hold a hand out towards him, grabbing at the air as he leans over you. Kissing him you taste yourself on his tongue. You move your hand down, feeling his hard on. He lets out a small grunt as you palm him through his jeans. Hearing his breath start to hitch in your ear. You smile to yourself, kissing his lips, then jawline, neck, collarbone. You nibble slightly at the flesh, his breath catching in his throat. He moves away slightly, a smile forming on his lips as he watches your eyes turning playful 

“What are you doing, little miss?” you shake your head and bite your lip, leaning once again to lick a stripe up his collarbone before nibbling the flesh. “If you do what I think you want to do, there will be trouble” you smile at his words. Licking and kissing the skin before biting down. Not hard enough to break the skin, but hard enough to most likely cause bruising. He moans out, gritting his teeth through the pain and pleasure going through his body. He moves away, a smile on his lips as you go to do it again. He places a hand around your jaw. You feel his rings denting the flesh slightly from his grip. You bite your lip, watching as he shakes his head.  “You going to be a good girl for me and behave, yeah?” you nod slightly, as much as your head can whilst he has a strong hold on your jaw

“Wanna-” your hands grab at his trousers, trying to pull him closer to you. Forcing you to look at him as he smile, causing you to whine out as his hand tightens. 

“You want to make me feel good?” you nod, watching him as he let’s go of your face. His hands go to the side pockets of his jacket you’re wearing, letting out an annoyed groan

“W-what?”

“I don’t have... anything...” you shake your head

“I’m... I’m on the pill... Please I need to feel you...” he smirks slightly at your words. The idea of doing it raw exciting him more. He slowly undoes his trousers, once again kneeling between your knees as he disrobes the rest of his body. You bite your lip as you see his cock, watching as he pumps himself a few times before lining up with your entrance. He leans over you, kissing you

“Eyes on me, ok?” you nod, watching his eyes as he slowly pushes into you. Your hands grab at him, wrapping around the back of his neck, fluttering your eyes but keeping them open as best as you can

“Oh fuck, Eddie” he smiles, kissing all over your face as you adjust to him. 

“You feel so good...” he slowly starts to move in and out, making you dig your nails into his neck and upper back. He grunts as his pace starts to quicken. You wrap your legs around his waist, his mouth starting to attack your neck with kisses as he hears you moaning into his ear. One hand by the side of you head to keep him up, the other moves to your clit, rubbing circles onto it. You moan, the only words falling out of your mouth is his name followed by several curses.

“C-Close. Eddie, please. Eddie!” he moves from your neck, kissing your slightly agape mouth

“Let go for me” you moan out, you can feel his eyes watching your face as he continues his thrust, grunting as you tighten around him. You feel him getting close himself, his hips become less periodic. You shut your eyes as he works for his high, the over stimulation from two orgasms being a lot for you. You grip his shoulders tightly, whining out. Your pussy clenching around him from the activity. He moans, pulling out and releasing himself onto your stomach. He breathes heavily, tilting his head back before he leans down and kisses you, wiping the stray hairs that have fallen from your ponytail out of your face as you tiredly kiss him back. He rests for a moment, lying next to you. One hand resting on your shaky thigh as he rubs it soothingly. He kisses your forehead “You’ve been such a good girl for me” you nod in response as you half open your eyes, smiling at him slightly before shutting them again. You feel his hand move from your leg, then hearing the tap in the bathroom running before he comes back out, a damp towel in his hand. He comes over, opening your legs slightly as he cleans you up. Placing soft kisses to your thighs as he wipes your sensitive core and your stomach down. He places his pants back on his body, going over to your bedroom and grabbing a pair of clean underwear from your drawer. 

Coming over he places it over your body, then covering you in your blanket as he lies next to you, wrapping his arms around you as he brings you close to him. Your head and hand going on his chest, feeling his hand cover yours. Your eyes still shut from exhaustion, slowly drifting to sleep as you listen to his heartbeat

TAGS

@karma2223​ @fknemily​

#eddie munson #eddie munson smut #eddie smut #eddie x reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x reader smut #eddie munson fluff #smut #fluff #stranger things #stranger things smut #stranger things eddie munson #stranger things eddie #stranger things eddie smut #stranger things fluff #stranger things eddie fluff #joseph quinn

[icharchivist]

you ever get a compliment so specific on your field of study that all you can do is cry

I haven’t really kept up to date with my life on here bc things have been messy but this year i’ve been trying to finish up my uni diploma, which i had left in pause for years because health issues, esp mental health, just made it impossible for me. One of the class i still had to pass was English Literature analysis for this semester, because of a mix of “i can’t process all of those texts” and the fact it was an oral analysis presentation and my social anxiety had kicked up so badly those past few years that any physical presentation led me to such mental states crumbling that i just mostly didn’t manage to finish it up.

the oral was today, i’ve been stressed for weeks about it, i didn’t read half of the recommended texts, i don’t remember half of the lessons i did participate in, and i was so panicked i couldn’t bring myself to study at all, those past few weeks have kinda been a stressful nightmare on that point

I still managed to push myself to go to the exam (major upgrades on the last time i tried to pass it), despite an awful night and the fact i have constant dizzy spells these days (probably bc of stress)

turns out not only i was getting interrogated on the subset of the class that i didn’t vibe with at all/am not at ease at all, but i fell on a text we studied in class when i was sick, and therefore, it was legit my first time seeing the poem at all.

so i go in, lacking all sort of confidence, thinking to myself i mostly just need to show i was here and i’ll still validate the year with that. I try to yolo an interpretation of the poem as i can.

Only so that at the end of the presentation the teacher tells me it was incredible, that this interpretation was really good, and when i mentioned i was really uncomfortable because i actually didn’t know the text at all, she told me it’s even MORE impressive that this is what i came up on my own in 30 minutes. She then asked me if i was pursuing further degree in literature because i “clearly have a gift” for analysis and was disappointed when i said no because she said i would really bring something to the field.

i was panicked for weeks over all of that and now i got this compliment and i cannot process it properly, i’ve been crying for the past half hour or so

I genuinely lack so much confidence in my analysis in general (despite trying to hold up the appearance that i’m actually super confident, promise! any confidence you see on this blog is me lying through my teeth) so being told that by a professional on the field is just. oh god. 

anyway idk if i’ll manage to process more brainpower for today but for now i’ll just stay in a state of limbo a moment over the most specific compliment i could get on something i genuinely care about to start with.

man.

#ichatalks #ichapersonal #ue ue ue

[onetoomanyfandomfixations]

Seat 21 - Chapter Two

A/N - welcome to chapter two y’all! i’ve actually had this one written for awhile, i just wanted to make sure it was perfect before posting. enjoy!!

Aizawa Shouta, my homeroom teacher. The man who will decide my fate at this school. Is the famous underground hero; Eraserhead. 

He would have to be daft to not recognise my name.

It was her case that brought his career briefly up from the underground society.

Though, seeing him now, I can’t imagine he’s one for fame and praise.

Aching legs match my heart. There’s no point trying to fight my case.

“Mayumi…” Dark Shadow’s concerned whisper echoes behind me. Tokoyami’s eyes mirror her tone.

I’ll be fine. I suspected this would happen.

My shoes have a lonely echo in the change room. I savour putting on the U.A uniform; with its short lived life. Other girls enter just as I leave. 

The pink girl, then the bubbly girl from before class.

The classroom is still empty when I go back.

Footsteps, and a door. I hurry to pack quicker.

A deep sigh.

“Put your things back. No-one’s getting expelled.” Aizawa-sensei. I can’t bring myself to look at him.

I understand you don’t want me here. I failed your test. My hands flick instinctively, before catching myself. I can’t just assume he understands.

I reach for a pen.

“Yes, you did come last. That doesn’t mean you failed.” A bone-deep tiredness resides in his voice.

Even so. You don’t want me. It would be idiotic to think you didn’t know who I was. 

“It would be idiotic of me to not know who you are.” Heavy footsteps come closer, and fear pricks at my eyes.

The ragged man crouches down before my desk, looking up at me.

“I do know who you are, Hinode Mayumi. But you should not be punished for Kaori’s actions.” He says it so simply. So, factually.

“You can stay.” 

I feel my lip warble, brushing against my mask.

Thank you. I sign, tears swelling.

I don’t question his confidence. I don’t question how he understands my hands. I just bask in gratefulness.

A firm nod, and Aizawa sensei stands; shoving his hands in his pockets and wandering to the front of the class.

Not long after, my peers start filing in. I get a warm nod from Tokoyami, and an affectionate bump from Dark.

Maybe, just maybe. 

I’ve finally found a place for me. 

-

Week one passes smoothly - and quickly. Classes settle into a new routine. Friendships start to form; Iida, Midoriya and Ururaka becoming the predictiblly popular triad.

 Homeroom with Aizawa sensei is always a generally stress-free start to the mornings - especially considering the following classes. Oddly enough, Aizawa sensei is the only teacher who prefers for us to use his given name.

So, the next class is English with Present Mic sensei; though he insists that Mic sensei is fine. Thankfully, he read my email along with my student records so is more than happy for me to skip oral exercises for the moment. Though, he was very hopeful that I’d be “comfortable and confident enough” to speak with him before exams came around.

Despite his near-obnoxious demeanor; he is easily the kindest teacher I have.

Cementoss sensei is also kind, though a little bland in his teachings. In his defense, there is only so many ways to make Modern Literature engaging. 

Midnight sensei is lovely. Her sexual nature in the media admittedly had me a little nervous, but she’s a splendid teacher. She’s so passionate about not only art and heroics, but her students. Despite this, some still seem to chalk her up to her media presence. I’m not fond of how Mineta acts around her.

Ectoplasm sensei isn’t unkind; but he doesn’t have that same connection with the class like our other teachers. But his maths skills are more than admirable.

But there’s only one class that truely matters at U.A. 

Heroics. 

Aizawa sensei has been teaching us theory lessons, leaving us with a promise of practical lessons in the near future. Rumours of us getting taught by All Might himself circle around the school.

And lo-and-behold, when the day of our first practical lesson arrives; it is none other than the Number 1 hero; All Might, waiting in Ground B.

If the excitement of All Might wasn’t enough, everyone is buzzing with the chance to wear their hero costumes for the first time. 

The sunset leotard is tighter than expected, and the overskirt more sheer. But, the gloves fit perfectly, and the slit in the skirt is high enough for me to fully extend my limbs.

Other girls in the changeroom mumble similar problems; Uraraka and Yaoyorozu being the most uncomfortable. At some points, I want nothing more than to join in. To comfort them, or confide that I’m also uncomfortable with how my design was interpreted.

But, these girls seem far too kind to risk.

Eventually we all file out of the changerooms, joining the rest of the class. Unsurprisingly, the boys have no issues with their costumes.

The exercise is simple; everyone is to pair up. Half will be assigned heroes, and the other half villains. The hero team will need to infiltrate the building and capture a faux bomb that the villain team are protecting. 

I go towards Tokoyami without thought nor question, and he does the same.

“All Might sensei? How can we work in teams when there’s an odd number of us?” Midoriya pipes up, anxious voice warbling. I do a mental tally; only to realise that yes - he’s right.

“Good observation Young Midoriya! Miss Hinode will of course, not be participating due to the danger she poses to the class.” The teacher’s voice booms.

My brain goes numb. 

I’m dangerous.

All Might thinks I’m a danger.

He thinks I would hurt my class.

He thinks I’m just like her.

Stunned silence.

Heat burns my neck, burns my ears.

My lungs burn with shame.

Eyes bore into me; burning me even more.

With a loud clap, All Might gets the class moving.

I sit in the fabricated street as the faux battles go on. The roughly woven fabric leaves itchy, angry marks on my skin.

I don’t dare move. 

I sit there, labelled too dangerous to participate, as another student delivers grievous wounds.

I sit there, called everything but a villain, as Midoriya is rushed to Recovery Girl by All Might. 

Part of me longs to go after the boy I relate to so much; to be a helping hand. To be a friend.

But if the number one hero deems you a threat, it seems best to stay away from his number one fan.

-

MASTERLIST

#bnha #bnha x reader #bnha oc #bnha imagines #bnha fic #fandomfixation bnha #fandomfixation fics #fandomfixation seat 21 #hinode #hinode mayumi

[feijoaaas]

nobody cares about this but i just gotta say it somewhere so i can fucking fall asleep already because it’s 03.22am

i’ve been working like a beast to try and finish off the exams and tasks that must be completed before i can get student loan again, found out monday that i’m missing a meekly 1,5 credits to get my next loan and if i don’t get it in this week then the first cheque of the term is obliterated into thin air never to be seen again, because you have 4 weeks from when the semester starts to accomplish your credits and if you haven’t done it in those four weeks then you don’t get any loan for that period and can’t get any until the week after your grades have been reported

it’s.. it sure is a system but hey some of that money is just free money that i get for being a student and i never have to pay that back so like. obviously i want the free money, along with the loan so i can pay bills and y’know. live a little

these credits are from a class in english that i took last term but i barely passed half the credits and now it’s a race to amend them. which isn’t all that easy because you can’t amend your credits whenever you feel like it, just in the spaces of the re-exam period (which thank god is still ongoing) but even so teachers at uni here usually have a three week grading period. and i have three days. until i can say bye bye to a lot of money.

so up until monday and including half of monday i thought i “just” had to do a 1000 word essay on a short story, THEN i was made aware that i had to do the essay and read two novels and answer questions about those, none of which i’ve read yet. one of them doesn’t even exist in libraries so i’d have to literally purchase it and that’s just not on my agenda right now

realising that i had slim to no chance at being able to manage that, i checked to see if i could finish another task or exam instead, and yes i could do a powerpoint oral presentation on a chosen accent and talk about phonemes and phonetic assimilation and elision and vowels and a brief history of the country and i was uhh fuck but okay. so that’s what i spent monday evening and all of today tuesday doing. i didn’t even have breakfast until 5pm when i was done and had sent the whole thing in for grading

however the person grading that turned out to be another person than who was gonna grade the essay and the novel questions, and that person has been really helpful when i’ve emailed her and told me to let her know when i’d handed in the essay and she’d have a look at it right away. that obviously doesn’t mean i’d get a pass but it’s at least nice to know there are teachers that try to be helpful

the other teacher that i ended up emailing today to explain my situation to (i need to get 1,5 credits by friday ideally, what can i do, i know it’s unreasonable to ask but can i let you know when i’ve submitted the presentation so you can have a look at it asap?) ended up feeling much less forthcoming and even though i finished the presentation and submitted it i’m not entirely sure i’ll get a pass on it. i hope so, but the other classmates had more thorough presentations where they had more examples of all sorts of things, diphthongs and connected speech and h-dropping and consonant phonemes and while i guess my pres was okay, it wasn’t as thorough as some of the others (we had to watch each other’s and give feedback on them).

so at the end of the evening i ended up going back to start on the 1000 word essay even though i realised there’s no way i’ll be able to get it all done, not to mention i have a 700 word essay to be done by thursday for the class i’m currently taking because thats gonna be discussed in a study group with my classmates so it can’t be a rough draft, it has to be actually finished

but then i remembered. the teacher who was forthcoming told me already a month ago when i brought it up that i needed to amend my credits, that i could do an oral presentation for more credits than what i’m currently lacking

and that presentation is different to the one i finished today, which actually had to be semi-decent and thorough

this other presentation, all i have to do is read a short story and then do a 5 minute oral presentation about what it’s about and what the underlying themes are and what the protagonist is going through

it doesn’t have to be formal or academic and i don’t have add citations with referencing and have a thesis statement and make sure my lines are indented and god knows what else all the things you have to have in an essay, and that’s not even counting the words and for it to make sense and be decent

i just have to yabber on about a short story for 5 mins while i record my screen and yabadabadoo i’m fucking good to go my maties. it’ll probably take me longer to actually put together the presentation than anything else, powerpoint and me are not friends but ah, i am feeling really positive that i can get a grade if not tomorrow then at least thursday because like shawn said: i can only fail up, with this

literally legend. anyway that’s everything i had to get out of me.

fingers crossed i get not one but two grades by thursday at the latest, because i need those credits regardless but extra much right now

and the story i gotta read that i’ve chosen is the purple elephant?? was it? by orwell?

anyway that’s all peeps, thank you and goodnight

#it’s a long rant about my grades and school and nothing more serious than that

[jungwonenthusiast]

PHEW FINALLY A WRITER WITH OPEN REQUESTS--- so i have been kinky asf EBEGHDFJC and i was imagining maths teacher jaehyun x english teacher reader x science teacher yuta.... THAT'LL BE SO HOT HWBGSEJFNFVH IM SORRY I'D LOVE IF U DO THIS,, with jaehyun having size kink and yuta having corruption kink and reader with thigh riding kink + also do it only if u want to im not forcing mwah take care.. <3

warnings: threesome (mxmxf), unprotected sex, oral (m and f receiving)

A/N: hi ofc!! i’m sorry for this taking forever lol I've had family visiting (also this has not been proof read so forgive me for any mistakes)

“I’m gonna need the library today,” you hear Mr. Jung say to you as you sip your morning coffee.

You furrow your brows. “I told you last week that I was gonna be using it.”

He shrugs. “Principal administered a presentation about college for the kids, there’s nothing I can do.”

You resist rolling your eyes and walk over to Yuta. You two had been friends since high school and enjoyed gossiping about the other teachers over a glass of wine.

“I can’t stand him.” you scowl.

“It’s Mr. Jung isn’t it?” Yuta asked. “What did he ever do to you?”

“I told him that I needed the library today last week and he took it anyway.” you complain.

Yuta chuckles. “I think you’re just mad at him for taking your place as hottest teacher.”

You elbow him in the side, giggling. “Fuck off. He isn’t that hot anyway.”

“That hot?” Yuta raises an eyebrow. “So you do think he’s hot.”

“I can admit when another human is good looking alright? It doesn’t mean anything.” You shrug him off and he nods.

“Whatever you say y/n.”

You enter the principal’s office after school to complain about the library situation only to meet Mr. Jung there. You side eye him a bit.

He sighs. “What your deal Ms. y/l/n? I’m sorry I took the library but it wasn’t my choice.”

You ignore him.

“Come on,” he says. “I’ve been nothing but nice to you. I’m only here to make sure you get the library tomorrow.”

Your ears perk up at that. “Really?”

He nods. “Mhm. So are we good now?”

You cross your arms. “I suppose.”

He smiles. “Wanna go for coffee? Now that we’re friends?”

“Who said we were friends.” You cock an eyebrow.

He chuckles and leads you out of the office.

You drive separately and meet him at a nearby cafe.

You sit down in front of each other and order lattes and scones.

“So when did you start working at the school?” He asks you”

“About a year ago,” you reply. “how about you?”

“A couple months ago.”

You nod. “What made you want to become a teacher, we don’t get paid shit.”

He chuckles while adjusting his watch. “I taught my little sister how to read and write when I was in middle school and those are some of my favorite memories. What about you?”

You shrug. “My mom was a teacher.”

He chuckles again. You notices his Adam’s apple bob up and down.

You take a sip of your latte, trying to ignore the silence.

He clears his throat. “So what’s with you and Nakamoto?”

“Yuta?” you ask and he nods. “We’ve been friends from highschool.”

“Ahh okay.” he hums. “I bet he was a stoner.”

You laugh.

“I’m right huh?” Mr. Jung smiles.

“I mean you’re not wrong.” you take a bite out of your blueberry scone.

He points at your chin. “You got a bit of-“

You swipe at your face, trying to get the crumbs off but he reaches over and wipes them off himself. You struggle not to roll your eyes again. What a Disney prince prick, you think.

You converse about everything and anything for maybe half and hour.

“Really Ms. y/l/n?” he asks.

“You can call me y/n.”

He smiles. “You can call me Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun, Jaehyun. You roll the name around in your head. It suits him.

“Shit,” he says suddenly.

“What is it?” you ask.

“I think I left my phone in the principal’s office,” he says. “do you mind coming with me? I don’t know where the key is.”

You sigh and nod.

You meet him at the school and scavenge around your desk for the key.

He’s leaving against your door frame and you can’t help but notice how good he looks.

You want to touch him so bad. Feel the muscles under his dress shirt.

You bend over to look into one of your drawers, pointing your ass towards him on purpose only a little.

“I’m not sure where they are.” you groan and stand up. “Let’s check Yuta’s room, maybe he has them.”

You walk over to Yuta’s class with the only sound being your shoes clicking against the floor. You can feel him behind you though, a little closer than usual.

You push Yuta’s classroom door open to find him sitting at his desk grading papers.

“You’re still here?” you ask as he looks up at you. His eyes dart over to Jaehyun.

“Yeah,” he says. “I have some tests to finish grading, what’s up?”

“I need the key to the principal’s office, Jaehyun left his phone in there.”

He gives you a look that says when did you start calling him Jaehyun?

Yuta hands you the keys and runs a hand through his hair. “Have fun.” he says and you scoff.

“I hate you.” you say as you walk away.

“You know you love me.” he calls after you.

You and Jaehyun walk back to the office and snoop around for his phone.

“I can’t find it.” you say.

“Neither can I.” he says. You turn to him and notice that he rolled the sleeves of his shirt up. You swallow thickly. “What wrong?”

“Nothing,” you say quickly. “let’s keep looking.”

You bend over to check under the desk when you feel him bump into you. You almost giggle, he’s not even subtle with it.

“Excuse you.” you tease.

“Sorry, sorry.” you can hear the shyness in his voice. “I actually didn’t leave my phone here.”

You turn to look at him. “Huh?”

He’s rubbing at his wrists. “Yeah.”

“I don’t get it.” you put your hands on your hips.

“I just-“ he hesitates. “wanted to get you alone.”

“Oh?” you say. “Well that’s a little...”

“Creepy yeah I know I just didn’t know what else to do.” he says hastily. “I like you y/n.”

You smirk and subconsciously take a step towards him. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he whispers and dips down to kiss you.

Your arms wrap around his waist.

He kisses you softly like you’re a blooming daisy. His hands run down your body and he picks you up, hooking your legs around him. He sits down in the office chair and when he does you can feel his length against you. He got hard so quick, you think, I wonder how long he’s been thinking about this for. You shift your weight onto his thigh and grip onto his shoulders before rolling your hips. You can tell he’s a bit taken aback. You smile and kiss at his neck. It doesn’t take him long to take control though. He wraps one arm around your waist and keeps the other on your hips and he grinds you against him. You feel a whine escape from your mouth when you’re disrupted by the sound of a door opening.

“Whoa,” it’s Yuta.

You shoot up and adjust your top. “Uhm hey.”

He scoffs. “Don’t mind me, continue what you were doing.”

You raise an eyebrow. “What?”

“You heard me,” he says, crossing his arms. “I wanna watch.”

“What? No.” you say sternly but you feel your heart thump a bit when he starts walking towards you.

“Come one angel,” he says in a sultry tone you’ve never heard before. “for me?”

You start to feel a heartbeat somewhere else.

He pushes you back intro Jaehyun’s thigh but this time your back is facing him.

Yuta kisses you. “Ride his thigh y/n.”

You hesitate.

“You should do what I say, you don’t want to be punished right?”

Jaehyun grips your hips again and pushes you against him.

Yuta holds your face in his hands. “I never knew you were so dirty like this my precious y/n. It makes me wonder what you’ve done with all of your boyfriends over the years.”

You tug at his belt to get him to stand up and he does. You palm him through his pants.

He pets your head before picking you up and laying you down on the large empty desk. He tugs your to the end of the desk and spreads your legs.

“Can I?” he asks and you nod vigorously.

Jaehyun leans down and gives you a kiss. He starts to unbutton your shirt as Yuta tugs your pants down.

“Look at you,” Jaehyun coos. “so small and pretty under me.” he pulls your bra off and starts kissing your chest.

You breathing becomes labored as Yuta’s fingers rub your clit. You squeeze his hand.

“Please?” you ask him.

“Of course.” he pulls your underwear to the side and gives you an agonizingly slow lick before diving into you.

You gasp a bit and grip at Jaehyuns arms. “Fuck,” you moan.

If I knew he was this good I would’ve done this a while ago, you think.

You hear Jaehyun unbuckle his belt and you’re eager to reach up and stroke him.

You soon take him into your mouth and suck him slowly, circling your tongue on his tip over and over. But soon your technique becomes sloppy as Yuta’s tongue on your clit starts to take over your mind.

You feel your legs begin to tremble and Jaehyun pulls out of you. He gives your neck softly.

“Does it feel good?” he asks and you nod. “What a naughty girl, getting that pretty pussy eaten on your boss’s desk.”

He kisses your chest again, leaving blotchy red marks.

“Fuck her now.” he tells Yuta.

Yuta pulls away from your pussy and wipes your juices off with his finger before holding them up to your mouth.

“Suck.” he says.

You open your mouth and take his fingers as deep as you can.

“Good girl.” he says. That makes your thighs clamp together. Yuta smiles. “Do you like when I call you that?”

“Yeah,” you say quietly.

“Then listen to what we say and you’ll be hearing it all night.” he unbuckles his belt and gives himself a few strokes. He rubs the tip over your clit a few times before pushing into you.

The whine and grab onto Jaehyun’s arm.

“You love getting your pussy stretched huh.” he says while reaching down to run circles on your clit.

“Yes,” you say pathetically. You whine. “fuck that feels good.”

Yuta thrusts into you slowly a couple of times before snapping his hips into yours.

Your loud moan is muffled by Jaehyun’s hand over your mouth.

“Hush my love, don’t want to get caught do we?” he says while giving your nipple a small pinch.

Your whines and whimper grow louder as Yuta continues to pound you.

Jaehyun leans down and gives you a kiss. “Are you close sweetheart?”

You nod. You can feel your eyes starting to tear up.

“How badly do you want it?” Yuta asks.

“Really bad,” you exhale. “please make cum.”

Jaehyuns fingers on your clit start to fasten.

“You can do it,” he says lowly. “cum on that cock.”

You grip onto Jaehyun for the hundredth time of the night as you finally climax. Your eyes roll back and you’re embraced by euphoria itself.

“Fuck that’s hot.” Jaehyun growls.

Yuta pulls out of you and watches his cum drip onto the desk.

Jaehyun peppers your forehead with kisses as Yuta grabs napkins to clean you up.

“I never thought you’d be down for something like this.” he says while helping you pull your underwear up.

“Me neither to be honest.” you giggle.

“Next time I get to fuck her.” Jaehyun says and you tsk him.

“I’ll be the one to decide that.” you say.

#nct #nct smut #jaehyun smut #yuta smut

[withkun]

visage | j. jaehyun

genre: enemies to lovers... kinda? with some fluff and smut :) word count: 5.2k  pairing: reader x jaehyun warnings: graphic hetersexual sex (oral, penetration, etc), swearing, excessive world building summary: Your first day of work at your first real job began terribly. You hadn’t got enough sleep, you could barely eat your breakfast, and you managed to get lost on the way. Soon, you discover you’re working alongside serial charmer Jaehyun Jung and that he will stop at nothing to be the best. 

a/n: this is a mess im sorry lmao. i somehow managed to use jaehyun 86 times in here ... girl...

You felt completely, utterly, and hopelessly lost – all on the first day of your first real job. That morning, you awoke two hours earlier than you had to. If you had a choice, you would’ve face planted into your pillow and died right there. However, your anxiety decided against it. And with that extra time, you managed to pull off an extended morning routine. A warm, long shower. Ten-step skincare routine. Eggs, toast, and black tea. Despite your attempts to regain your confidence, all was lost as you circled the office building.

           The orientation guide you received hadn’t helped much. All you knew was that you should report to building B. Whichever building that may have been, you had no idea. Your feet grew weary and you cursed yourself for wearing heels. You rounded the corner of the office park for your fourth or fifth lap, only to be cut off by an overdressed jackass. Before you could sidestep him and continue your hopeless journey, the perpetrator turned to face you.

           “Oh, no. He’s hot,” you thought to yourself, praying your cheeks weren’t stained red. Despite wearing a well-tailored gray suit, you realized that he was likely your same age. He took in your slightly disheveled appearance, probably noting your ruffled hair and askew skirt.

           He tilted his head in the direction of the closest building. “Are you here for orientation, too?”

           Of course he had to be in your hiring class. Twenty-two and already looking like he owned the building. You nodded, then turned on your heel to rush inside. Trailing your steps, you heard him chuckle lowly.

           You finally joined the rest of the new hires in the security lobby, managing to fix your appearance before you reached the door. To your gratitude, they dressed similarly to you. Just plain business casual. The boy you met earlier definitely stood out, making the others wonder if they hadn’t dressed well enough.

           Within ten minutes, you all received security badges and shuffled into your orientation room. You preferred the back, whereas the business boy sat directly in the front. Rolling your eyes, you realized his game. You met plenty of people like him in college, ruthless climbers that destroyed everything in their paths. He knew he had to make more than an entrance, he had to make an impression.

           You grew to dislike him more and more as your training sessions progressed over the course of two weeks. An insufferable know it all, answering all the questions managers prompted. Volunteering for everything first, unafraid. You on the other hand, did not find his actions necessary. He left a glowing impression, yes, but you found it meaningless. Like hell the trainers cared about how well you completed your general training. Maybe he wanted everyone to relate this to his future performance, for you to watch out for his dominance. For you to fear him. Worst of all, he saw you struggle with the most simplistic task on your first day.

           He easily made friends within the group, as there were plenty others like him. All recent college graduates, fantastic resumes, and working for one of the best companies in the field. You, on the other hand, did not have such luck. Your social circle consisted of yourself and another quiet trainee, a quiet finance major named Doyoung. The two of you kept to yourselves and became the outliers of the group, so much to the extent that you sat alone for training sessions.

           Two weeks came and passed, and you finally received your team assignments. You found your name on the bulletin, right next to Jaehyun Jung’s. Of course. It had to be this way.

           Jaehyun approached the bulletin board aside you, and grinned as he found his name. “Looks like we’re working together,” he commented, still wearing the same expression. You realized why he appeared so happy. People like Jaehyun would not recognize someone like you as a threat. You barely appeared on his radar.

           You grit your teeth and forced a smile. “I look forward to it.”

           With your whorish luck, you found that your desks were right next to each other and you’d be essentially working back to back. You already hated being watched, and Jaehyun could easily look over his shoulder and see you struggling to keep up.

           Jaehyun settled into his seat with ease, already look at home in his new desk. You sat gingerly on your office chair, gathering your surroundings.

           Your desks sat right in the view of your department lead’s office, likely to Jaehyun’s excitement.

           Being on the same team, you and Jaehyun had the rest of your training sessions together.  Just you two and your manager. He always seemed to grasp the new concepts immediately while you merely pretended and made notes to ask Doyoung later.

           They assigned your first project sometime later, one that you and Jaehyun would have to complete jointly. You dreaded it, knowing he would try to take over the project.

           That first morning, Jaehyun was already at his desk. You glanced at your watch, nearly scoffing as you read off 6:59. Despite having the ability to make his own schedule, Jaehyun chose to arrive before seven. You collapsed into your desk chair, jealousy eyeing Jaehyun’s full coffee mug. He already had time to help himself to coffee. Typical.

           “Morning,” he greeted, fully awake and energized. “I set up a meeting for 8 today to start working on the project.”

           You powered on your desktop, mentally groaning at the hundreds of emails present in your mailbox. “That’s…fine,” you murmured, praying that you could address all your client emails in a measly hour without the aid of caffeine.

           He glanced behind him to see you hunched over and lifelessly typing. “I’ll make that 9.”

           And yet again, you were caught in a moment of weakness. Great. “Yeah, okay.”

           Those two hours passed slowly, but at least you managed to prepare a cup of tea. By 8:55, Jaehyun already settled into the conference room and wrote diagnostics on the whiteboard. All while you still went through your emails.

           You joined him, a fresh cup of tea in one hand and your laptop in another. “All right, I see that you’ve already set up the basics,” you said monotonously, nodding towards the whiteboard. “I conjured up some of my own ideas as well.” Without prompt, you rose and added a few bullet points under Jaehyun’s “approaches” section. You scanned his ideas, noting that they weren’t bad, but not what you had in mind.

           “I see,” Jaehyun commented, still standing. He put his hands on his hips, carefully mulling over the options. “They’re quite good.”

           You felt ashamed of your satisfaction for his response, but also surprise. He sounded genuine enough, but you knew that his type always had some angle to work. Prodding you board at your second option, you decided, “I think this is our best bet.”

           Jaehyun remained quiet for a moment, eyes flickering across the board. “What if we combined a couple?” he inquired. He pointed to your idea, then his. “It would streamline the process more holistically.”

           “Holistically??” you thought. You hadn’t heard that word since high school English class. It was so painfully pretentious to you.

           He went on to explain how it would work, but you were still caught up on the pure obnoxiousness of the word “holistically.”

           “Y/N,” Jaehyun tried. “Hello?”

           You blinked, finally hearing your name. “Sorry, I was thinking about how this will impact everything.” A lie, Jaehyun didn’t need to know how long you caught yourself on a single word.

           “So, what do you think?” Jaehyun leaned against the wall, eyes searching yours.

           Oh god, now you were thinking about his eyes. Pushing those thoughts aside, you answered, “So long as we put a heavy emphasis on my part, I think it’ll work.”

           He agreed and you went on, mostly working quietly. You avoided asking him questions, even when you became desperate. Jaehyun, meanwhile, tried to engage you in small talk.

           “Where did you go to college?” he asked, to which you gave him a one-word response.

           “Are you from here?”

           “Do you have a boyfriend?”

           “What was your major?”

           You barely answered, but he failed to get the point until he finally inquired to something relevant. “Did I do something that offended you?”

           You drew in a breath, fumbling for the right words. If you were honest with him, you wouldn’t have to put on a façade. If you lied, you wouldn’t get on his bad side. Even pretty boys like him could be ruthless if given the opportunity and reason. You saw it before, you knew you would see it all over again.

           “No,” you decided, pulling on a tight-lipped smile. “I just want to do really well on this.”

           That last part, at least, wasn’t a lie. You felt that you had to prove yourself, especially against the Jaehyuns of the world. If only briefly, you saw his relief. His face relaxed a little, and his shoulders lost some tension. “Me too,” he agreed.

           The following month went on similarly. You completed the project quietly, only interjecting to make corrections and provide your input. When you finally reached the day of your presentation, your nerves caught you once more. You woke up far too early and arrived at the office at the same time as Jaehyun. A new record.

           If he was on edge, you couldn’t tell. Outwardly, he appeared the same. Nothing could take away his quiet glow of confidence. Jaehyun worked, unbothered, sipping his coffee almost casually.

           “Are you ready?”

           Jaehyun turned to face you. “Never been readier.”

           You raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know if readier is a word.”

           With a shrug and smile, Jaehyun returned to his work again. Odd, considering he was always chatty.

           You attempted to mimic him, to work without doubts and review your notes. But your hands shook as you tried to type. You knew you couldn’t focus until you finished the presentation.

           Although you hadn’t noticed him leave, you saw him approach your desk. Jaehyun gingerly placed a styrofoam cup on your desk. Your eyes met his. “Jaehyun?”

           “Just some tea before the presentation,” he explained. “I noticed you like black tea with honey.”

           You brought the cup to your lips, delighted to find that it was the perfect temperature. For once, you didn’t care about his motive. “Thanks,” you said. And you meant it.

           He gave you wink. “We’ll be great today.”

           You hoped he was right.

           The presentation crept up on you suddenly, much faster than you had anticipated. Jaehyun found you outside the conference room, where you managers and team lead had already gathered, pacing and talking to yourself.

           “Are you okay?”

           He caught you again, there was no use in denying the truth. “Absolutely not.”

           Jaehyun laughed lowly and put a hand on your shoulder. A part of you wanted to shrug it off, but you felt a strange comfort. “I’m nervous, too.”

           You almost burst out laughing. Like hell he was nervous. But his concession, fake or real, made you feel some comfort.

           Having reeled yourself in, you entered the conference room together.

           And together, you made it through the presentation. You both had prepared excessively, ready to answer any question thoroughly. Management applauded your efforts, declaring that you had exceeded expectations. They rewarded you with a gift-card to a nearby steakhouse and urged you to celebrate together. Hastily, you attempted to invite the managers, only to be declined. They had work to complete in the office.

           Your cheeks lit up red with embarrassment, but you agreed to make reservations for that night.

           Jaehyun offered a ride over, to which you vehemently wanted to reject. Before the eyes of your manager, you took him up. You assured yourself that he was still the same person you knew. Nothing different. Nothing could’ve changed that. Seeing his car certainly helped. You never knew any recent college graduates that drove a Tesla, and yet…

           Once you arrived at the restaurant, you quickly ordered yourself a martini. You didn’t care which one, so long as it had plenty of alcohol. Jaehyun simply ordered a beer, quoting driver safety commercials. “Just this,” he promised you, then proposed a toast. “We pulled it off.”

           You drank your martini with gusto, and then prompted the waiter for another one. Jaehyun watched as you became drunk, consistently grinning as began to ramble. “You know I hate you, right?”

           Your question caught him off guard. “You hate me?”

           With a smile, you brought the martini glass to your lips. “You’re too perfect and try too hard.” His expression fell, but you forged on. For months, he made you feel inadequate and beyond anxious. You befuddled mind justified this bluntness. “Every day feels like a goddamn competition.”

           Jaehyun reached across the table, taking your hand. “I had no idea,” he admitted quietly. “I’m so sorry.”

           “It’s whatever. You’re no different from most in our hiring class.”

           With a sigh, Jaehyun took an elongated sip from his beer. “They’re not all bad.”

           Despite the alcohol coursing its way through your system, you realized that a few strands of hair fell out of place. He hunched over, brows furrowed, lost in thought. It wasn’t the first time you saw that either. Just out of your periphery vision, you saw him buried in work while you finished the project. 

           Jaehyun swept his hands through his hair. The way he bit his lip made you wonder if he was holding himself back. And the waiter arrived with your meals before you could muster a response.

           You sat in silence, Jaehyun haphazardly cutting his steak. He refused to look at you.

           As you absentmindedly twirled your pasta onto your fork, Jaehyun finally spoke up. “I’m not perfect, and you’re not easy to work with either.”

           “Excuse me?” You couldn’t conceal your anger at this sentiment.

           Jaehyun met your gaze, eyes determined. “You had to control every part of the project. Had everything your way.”

           That, you had heard before. And you absolutely hated it. “We did well on the project because of me,” you said defensively. “Lest you forget.”

           The two of you went on bickering like this, angrily finishing your meals and drinks. The waiter hesitantly approached your table, and you demanded the check. The sooner you could leave, the better.

           Once paid, you managed to not storm out of the restaurant. But you wore a disgruntled expression and balled your fists.

           You reached your work parking lot, and instantly ejected yourself from the Tesla. It wasn’t until you reached your car, however, that you realized that you didn’t have your keys. Probably left it in the passenger seat.

           Angrily, you stomped back to Jaehyun’s space where he twirled the keys around his index finger. “I’m not letting you drive. You drank too much.”

           You gritted your teeth. “I sobered up plenty.”

           Jaehyun approached you and held a square device in front of him.  “Well, then you can prove it.”

           You yanked the breathalyzer from him, not bothering to ask why he had it. Made sense for someone like him. With a groan, you realized he was right. 0.1.

           Not wanting to admit it, you continued your enraged march to the nearby retention pond where a lone bench sat in front of the water. You crossed your arms, and bitterly stared at the water from there.

           Jaehyun followed you, leaning onto the back of the bench. “I didn’t know this place existed.”

           You laughed bitterly. “It’s because you never leave your desk. You’re always working. Always networking. Always trying something.”

           To your surprise, Jaehyun appeared to calm down from earlier. He regained his flawless demeanor. “It takes me a lot longer to do things.”

           Well that, that took you off guard. “Doing extra work,” you said, making a weak attempt to correct him.

           “No.” After a long pause, he asked, “Do you really hate me?”

           His tone made you feel some guilt. “Don’t you hate me?” you shot back, remembering his comments at the restaurant.

           “I don’t,” he affirmed. “I never have.”

           You considered that. In your college career, you made plenty of enemies with the same behavior. Those times, you ensured yourself, were valid. Those classmates never completed their work and simply didn’t care about the performance. You had been left with ten-page papers to complete on your own. You turned poorly written trash into works professors recommended for publishing. But you knew Jaehyun wasn’t the same as them at least.

           Behind Jaehyun, the sun had just begun to set. The sky lit up with orange and pink hues. “I shouldn’t have taken over the project,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. A part of you hoped he wouldn’t hear.

           “Oh,” Jaehyun said softly.

           You gave him a warning expression. “Do not let that get to your head. You came into this job with an agenda.”

           “Jesus Christ, Y/N,” Jaehyun groaned. “Where the hell are you getting these ideas from?”

           You couldn’t bear to look at him, imagining the smug look on his face as he basically told you that you were crazy. “People like you are always ruthlessly ambitious.”

           “And what am I like, then?” Jaehyun mused.

           Without skipping a beat, you explained, “Attractive, charming, overcompensating.”

           You could feel his eyes boring into the back of your head, and just knew his smug smile made another appearance. He chuckled and said, “Sounds like you.”

           “Funny,” you mocked. “Last time I checked; I’m only overcompensating less outwardly.”

           He joined you and took a seat on the bench, stretching his arm over the top of the bench. Only inches away from being on your shoulders. Disgusting. “You’re wrong.”

           Without prompt, he suggested a game of twenty questions. Jaehyun clarified his intent, stating that perhaps you misunderstood each other. Sensing your doubt, he held his pinky finger out and searched your eyes. You hesitantly connected your pinkies and brought your thumb to your lips, both promising to be truthful.

           “Do you think I’m good at my job?” you inquired first, eyes cast out to the sparkling pond.

           Almost instantaneously, Jaehyun firmly answered, “Yes.” You concealed your satisfaction, biting your lip to prevent you to smile. “Do you think I’m good at my job?”

           You replied almost as quickly, “Of course I do.”

           The questions got progressively less serious, some among the likes of favorite movies and which books you were currently reading. Somehow, you felt relaxed. Jaehyun didn’t feel like competition, but rather just a normal stupid boy. He let you have another try at the breathalyzer, and you felt relief in the .05 reading before you. At the same time, you wanted to remain beside him.

           “I don’t think I hate you anymore,” you conceded, accepting your words as truth. “If you stop coming off as perfect all the time.

           He let out a laugh, a sweet sound of joy and relief. “Hey, you come off as perfect too. You were just quiet around me.” With a devilish grin, Jaehyun ventured, “Is it because you think I’m attractive?”

           You glared at him from the corner of your eye. “Are you trying so hard because you find me attractive?” you challenged him.

           Jaehyun turned his body to face you. “That depends on whether it’s working.”

           Now games like these you didn't mind as much. A harmless game of chicken, testing your limits. Work had its difficulties, but boys? Easy. You cupped his cheek, amazed at how soft his skin felt to the touch. Your eyes met, beckoning the other to try something. "So, this is why you asked me if I was dating anyone?" you dared. "Under the guise of getting to know me and making small talk. I thought someone as perfect as you would have more...subtlety." You let the last word slip out of your mouth slowly. Registering his surprise, you continued, “I don’t forget things easily, hence why I’ve been able to hate you so long.”

           Jaehyun grinned cockily, placing your hand on his chest. You felt defined muscles straining against his button-down. Already, you figured his body would match the rest of his veneer. “You really have nerve being out here like this,” Jaehyun overserved, gesturing the office park a short walk away.

           “Oh, uncomfortable here?” you drawled playfully, then took his hand. “I know somewhere you may like.”

           You felt a wave of confidence wash over you, and you realized this what you assumed Jaehyun had always felt. Then you decided that you’d make it up to him one way or another. He followed you, only letting your hands detach as you got closer to the infamous “B” building you worked in. You noted his nervousness and gave him a reassuring smile. “Trust me,” you urged.

           Entering through the side door, you managed to avoid security. Your entry would appear on a log, but you could easily bristle over it and say that you forgot your laptop at your desk. Most of your coworkers avoided the stairs, so you led Jaehyun away from the elevator. Though, you had forgotten that you were wearing heels. You struggled up the steps by the second flight, clinging onto the railing for dear life. Jaehyun noted this, but said nothing as he swept you into his arms.

           “I wish you did on the first floor,” you joked. “Or maybe I could’ve just taken them off.”

           Jaehyun refused to let you down until you reached the fourth floor. Whenever you found yourself in a vulnerable state, you hid out beside the decommissioned wing. The unused nursing room featured its own bathroom and a small futon. Having visited the location so often, you knew that the cleaning staff rarely came by. You asked once and discovered that they only visit at the beginning of the month. No one else ever came by in your experience. It appeared that only you knew about this place, and now Jaehyun. “This is where you run away to,” he deciphered. “I always thought it was the café.”

           “I prefer privacy.” You leaned against the door as Jaehyun took in his surroundings. “And I wanted to go somewhere you couldn’t find me.”  

           He fell back onto the futon, looking at you in awe. “Just when I think I know you.”

           You fumbled for the lock behind you until you heard a distinct click. “Do you remember when you first met me? When I was so stupid and got lost?”

           Jaehyun rose, appearing concerned. “I didn’t know. I just thought you were cute.”

           He cornered you against the door, body close enough to feel your shaky breath. All that time just hating him when you could’ve been seducing him for the purpose of hindering his goals and ultimately find the truth much sooner. You wasted so much time, held so much resentment. In front of you, you saw a seemingly perfect boy study your movements, waiting. A position you would have never imagined yourself mere hours before. Yet, you saw it all in hindsight and perhaps always knew the truth. It was then that you decided that you didn’t want to play games anymore or mull over an agenda.

           Jaehyun angled his chin downwards, gazing into your eyes with a mix of emotions. Excitement, fear, desire. You kissed him, gently and slowly. More carefully, you wanted to know him in this way. Feel the way his lips moved against yours, his increasing heart rate. He rested his hands on your hips, gripping them as if he couldn’t support himself without them. Soon after, you wrapped your arms around his neck and gradually deepened the kiss. These moments you shared felt like high school, so unassuming and simple.

           You pulled away, resting your forehead on his. You caught your breath and entangled your fingers with his. “I’m sorry,” you murmured.

           He idled, drawing kisses down your cheek and neck. “For what?” Jaehyun ventured.

           “For not knowing you until now, and maybe still not knowing you.”

           With his thumb, he drew circles on the back of your hand. “Do you want to know more?” he asked, his voice quietly sultry.

           “Yes,” you whispered. With this admission, Jaehyun’s butterfly kisses became more daunting. He crashed his lips upon yours and held you closer. Your tongues soon met, messier and carelessly. Feeling daring, you ran your hand under his shirt, digging your fingernails against his abs. A bit lower, and you realized he was straining against his slacks. 

Jaehyun bucked under your touch, gasping against your lips. You gripped his clothed cock with more certainty than before and Jaehyun fumbled to reach your breast. Still against the door, you held each other. “We’re lucky this room is soundproof,” you commented, noting your precarious position. 

Not waiting for his response, you quickly undid Jaehyun’s belt followed by his zipper. You tugged his pants to his ankles and brought your attention to boxer-brief covered erection as you supported yourself on your knees. Laying a flat tongue against his balls, you drew a line from shaft to tip. He sucked in a sharp breath and watched you with hungry eyes as you finally removed the final layer of clothing. 

His erection sprung upwards, precum already forming. Zealously, you took the tip into your mouth and ran your tongue over the wet slit. You leaned back, seeing Jaehyun absolutely desperate as he stood over you. Continuing, you wet his dick with sloppy kisses. You wanted him to have everything, feel every part of your mouth. With one hand on the base, you craned your neck to take in more of him from the tip. You used your whole body to rock your mouth further down his dick. When he reached the back of your throat, you gagged slightly but didn’t care. Gently at first, he began to rock his hips. Becoming restless, Jaehyun held your head and pushed his erection further down your throat with messy thrusts. You looked at him with wide eyes, conveying for him to continue. 

Jaehyun instead picked you up as if you weighed nothing and placed you precariously on the couch. While naked from the waist down, you were still fully clothed. Wasting no time, Jaehyun ripped your blouse off - buttons and all flying wildly around the room. He pulled your bra cup down to reveal a nipple, to which he immediately pinched between his fingers. Already excited, he removed your black jeans and panties. Jaehyun lowered himself to your glistening pussy and brought a digit to his mouth before pushing it inside you. The penetration left you unwinding as he added another finger. He curled his fingers upwards, each push and pull hitting your g-spot. As you thrashed, he held you down with a firm hand, especially after he began sucking on your clit. In mere minutes, he brought you to your orgasm. You wished you had the words to describe the way you felt that immense pleasure, but nothing would ever be sufficient. 

Breathlessly you beckoned Jaehyun to the bathroom. “I have an IUD,” you confirmed. With your new found trust, you knew Jaehyun wouldn’t even attempt to sleep with you if he had an STD. There, you gazed at him from the mirror. Watched him approach you and run his hands up and down your body. He positioned one leg so that you were half propped over the sink and still standing on the other. Jaehyun’s dick teased your aching pussy as he dragged it from your folds to your clit to your entrance. Both facing the mirror, your eyes locked as Jaehyun pushed himself fully in you. You both drew in strained breaths. Once he ensured that you adjusted, he fucked you. Neither of you ever watched yourselves have sex, but you were even more turned on watching Jaehyun clutch onto your tit and whisper obscenities in your ear. 

“You’re so fucking hot,” he growled, burying himself deeper in you. 

Jaehyun slowed his pace, suddenly lifting you and pushing you against the wall. He supported your entire weight as he fucked you there. 

“I’m going to ride you,” you said breathily, to which Jaehyun obliged immediately. He sat up straight on the futon, leading you to his cock once more. In that position, you put yourself to work. You bounced atop his dick, only stopping to grind your clit against his pelvis. You came unexpectedly, the sensation getting fucked and stimulating your clit becoming too much for you. Jaehyun and you both were surprised when a stream of liquid sprung out of you. 

With his mouth agape, Jaehyun looked at you. “You can squirt?”

Before that moment, you would’ve answered that no, you couldn’t squirt since you never had. Until then. He registered your shock and turned you so that your back rested against the futon. Jaehyun hovered over you, hair askew and face reddened. You imagined that you appeared the same. He kissed you, breathing “I don’t know how I got so lucky,” on your lips. 

Jaehyun unraveled quickly in this position, and you urged him to come on your tits. Following his orgasm, you attempted to clean yourselves up in the bathroom. “Everything smells like sex,” you observed, frivilously spraying Febreeze everywhere you could. Between futon cushions. The door handle, Jaehyun’s general direction. You didn’t realize you were shirtless until you saw a mess of buttons on the floor. 

A weak solution, but Jaehyun offered you his suit jacket. You’d have to walk out of the building crossing your arms and praying a nipple wouldn’t escape, but something. Once the room was clean, Jaehyun and you fine-tuned your own appearances in the bathroom. Neither of you looked refined or polished, but human. 

“I want more,” you admitted. 

At the same time, Jaehyun asked, “Can I buy you dinner?”

You shook your head. This version of Jaehyun, the one messily fucking you in an office nursing room, you preferred. “I just want to spend time with you.” 

Jaehyun smiled and agreed.

You left the room separately as to not arouse any suspicion. Jaehyun met you outside your car, once more carelessly spinning your keys. The sun had set by that time, leaving you both shrouded in moonlight. Despite the sun’s absence the air remained warm and inviting. “We’re going stargazing,” you decided. “After we change.” 

Jaehyun arrived at the agreed upon park first, sporting a loose shirt and Adidas joggers. You never had seen him dressed so casually. He already set up a blanket at the top of the hill and rested on his back. 

You wore a nearly identical outfit, and went without makeup. Normally, you hated it when your partners saw you without anything on. But you wanted Jaehyun to see this part of you, too. Despite living in a well-populated city, the stars appeared very clearly that night alongside a waxing crescent moon. 

“Do you think the managers set us up?” Jaehyun pondered, wrapping an arm around your waist as you joined him. 

“Without a doubt. And we’ll probably have to tell them about this at some point.”

And he kissed you again. How many times that night, you lost count. Looking at him, the image of the boy you met months ago flashed before your eyes. The one with the suit, the dashing smile, and dough-like dimples. You, a nervous wreck getting in her own way. 

You fell asleep on his shoulder that night, head buried in his neck as he snored quietly.  

#jaehyun #jung jaehyun #nct #nct 127 #nct u #jaehyun fic #jung jaehyun fic #nct fic #nct fluff #nct smut #jaehyun smut #jaehyun writing #jaehyun scenario #my writing

[everythinggeeky]

Learning Distraction | Kylo Ren (College AU)

Professor! Kylo Ren x Student! reader

Warnings: SMUT (18+ ONLY), language, teacher/student relationship, age gap, academic dishonesty, semi-public sex, porn with plot lmao, kinda dubcon, oral (m & f receiving), rough sex, like no aftercare, kylo has no sympathy

Word Count: 3.1k

Summary: Professor Ren’s English 305 class was notorious for weeding out the strong students from the weak. Will your infatuation for the enthralling professor distract you from your success?

A/N: requests are open!

masterlist

Walking into the lecture hall on the first day of the semester was always a nerve-wracking experience. And on the first day of your sophomore year? Just as stressful as the first. Professor Ren’s English 305 class was described as rigorous and intense. It was a weeding course for the department, after all. It was intended to separate those who were serious about the major from those who were not. If anyone in his class showed the slightest sign of incapability or weakness, they would be dropped from the roster.

That was the agreement.

Taking your place in the second row felt comfortable. The second row shows you still care about the material but aren’t desperate for attention like all the girls in the first row; bent over in their seats, desperately scribbling down notes on Professor Ren’s lecture. Clearly distracted from his soft black waves and cleanly pressed dark button-down shirts rolled up to the elbows. 

He was intimidating. Yet charming. And you were captivated.

When Ren had opened the class with the syllabus guidelines, you were immediately overwhelmed. Would this semester even be possible with a full course load? This class alone would demand all of your attention and would occupy all of your time between lectures, study groups, and independent work and reading.

His writing standards were ridiculous and unlike any other professor you’ve ever had a class with. Single-spaced 11 point font, serif-font only. Any spelling or usage error was an automatic failure. In his opinion, an upperclassman English major wasn’t allowed to make a spelling mistake. It was lazy and proved that you were incapable. In addition to his insane writing standards, Ren had assigned multiple difficult texts for the semester that was way beyond the 300-course level. There was no way you would be able to understand anything you were reading, let alone write about it.

But damn, did he look good.

His impeccably shined shoes waltzed across the lecture hall and instantly took command of the space. All of the students in the lecture hall were equally as intimidated by the course as you were, but some did a better job of hiding it. And some, like the girls in the front in their short skirts and fluffy pens, did not hide their infatuation for the professor at all. There was no doubt they were here for one thing; a chance with the black sheep of the English department.

Over the course of the syllabus week, the front row had decreased by half. The fluffy pen girls were scared away, and you were getting pretty damn close yourself. The opening assignment was due two days ago, it required a full and detailed reading of the text. The close textual analysis was the core of the assignment. 

His prompts included trick questions and meaningless tidbits of information. He expected his students to take a strong approach to the text and defend it. SparkNotes could not save you in English 305. The remainder of the class assignments were structured exactly like this one. If you failed this first assignment, you would be removed from the roster. 

It had taken you over 12 hours to complete the first five-page assignment. In the process, you lost your mind and all confidence in reading and understanding the English language. When you submitted at the beginning of the lecture on Friday (on paper, Ren was the only professor in the department to demand it), you were just happy you didn’t have to look at the assignment anymore.

“I’ll have these graded and I’ll have individualized comments on your papers. Areas of improvement and areas of success. You are dismissed.” Professor Ren announced, not looking into the rows of students who have already mentally checked out for the day.

Neatly packing your things into your bag, you had missed his silent approach to the table. 

“y/n, correct?”

You whipped your head up to meet him, nodding “correct.”

“Glad to see you’re paying attention today. Are you enjoying the material?”

You stood from your seat, gaining a few inches but easily a foot shorter than him.

“I can’t lie and say it isn’t difficult, Professor. But after the first few readings for clarity, I did start to enjoy it.”

“Good. It’s challenging for a reason, it’ll make you a better reader and a better writer.” He walked away from your table, placing his own things into his leather messenger bag.

“Enjoy your weekend, y/n. But not too much.”

You left the hall with a curt nod, Professor Ren only a few paces behind you. Controlling your breath, you turned down the hall to exit the academic hall, returning to your dorm room to relax for the weekend.

When Monday came around, to say that you’ve been incredibly nervous about your grade for Professor Ren’s class would be an understatement. You had dressed nicely for today’s class, you had a presentation in your next class and maybe it would provide an extra boost of confidence to outweigh all of your anxiety.

Taking your seat in the second row, you found no one in front of you. They weren’t joking about removing students from the roster. Now, no one separated you from Professor Ren’s intimidating glare. Preparing yourself for the lecture, you tried to stay focused as best as you could, but today, Professor Ren was wearing a deep navy blue button-down with a skinny black tie, without a wrinkle in sight. He looked impeccable. The deep navy complimented his hair so nicely.

“y/n!” Ren declared from the front of the room, “Can you remind us what Blake told the world?” He brought you out of your daze.

“Uhh…’no bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings’….?”

“No. Blake sought to remind his readers of the beauty of nature and destruction through his works of poetry, art, and printmaking. And I suggest you pay attention to the lectures. This will be in the midterm.”

Without a response but with a heavy blush, you continued to scribble down notes on your notebook, including what Ren just said. 

The rest of the lecture went relatively smoothly, and only a small amount of embarrassment. Professor Ren handed out the introductory assignments right before dismissal. He handed your assignment to you upside down, you turned it over to see it scribbled in red pen. Heavy underlining and circles seemed to outnumber your own writing on the page. You scoffed in indignation and quickly filed the paper away in your bag in sheer embarrassment. Haven’t you had enough today?

“y/n, please see me in my office after class.” Professor Ren called out to you from the hallway before you could have the chance to slip out the door.

Apparently not. Shit.

When you made it to his office, he was already sitting comfortably in the large desk chair behind the heavy wooden desk. His office was decorated floor to ceiling with bookshelves which were full of books spanning a variety of eras, most of them 18th century, his specialty. You took a curious look around, his office seemed to match exactly what you thought it would.

“When you’re done gawking, take a seat.” he was the first to speak.

Without another word or another look, you took your seat in the chair across the desk from his. Setting your backpack down next to you, you avoided looking up at your professor.

“I’m worried about your grades. You’re in danger of being dropped from my roster.”

“Is this because of the intro paper?”

“Yes, and you’ve been...distracted by other things in my class, y/n. You have incredible potential. You just need to apply yourself.”

“Apply myself? Professor...I don’t understand… I read the text, and I read your notes. I worked for hours on that paper. I don’t understand what could be the problem here.”

“First of all, your intro paper was atrocious. It was disorganized and lacked a clear thesis.”

You opened your mouth in indignation, to which Ren quickly raised his hand to silence you.

“Look at last Wednesday’s notes again. You’ll find that Walpole would’ve said otherwise.”

“Professor Ren-”

He cut you off once again, “y/n.”

You sighed, surrendering, “perhaps I had been a little distracted.”

“Distracted.”

“Yes, sir.”

“What could have possibly held your attention that is more important than Walpole?”

You hesitated to defend yourself, “you, sir.”

“Me? Perhaps something should be done about that.”

“What? I don’t understand...I can join another study group if that would help, perhaps there are other students that understand the material better than I do…”

“No. You’ve already been assigned a study group. You’ll remain there until I say so. As for your distraction, come here.” His demeanor flipped on its head.

You rose hesitantly from your seat, standing in place. He called you over with a seamless motion of his hand. With that, you stepped closer to him, keeping a reasonable distance between your bodies. From this angle, he appeared incredibly tall, taller than when he was in the front of the lecture hall.

“Professor Ren, if there’s anything I can do to keep my grade up, I’ll do it. I need this class to graduate…”

“Oh, you’ll do anything…?”

“Yes, sir.”

Without another word, he pushed you gently to your knees in front of him.

“I’ve seen the way you look at me in class, practically drooling. You’re just as bad as those sluts with their pink fuzzy pens...spreading their thighs and just hoping to get some dick to pass…is that what you want?”

You nod and then bow your head in shame as Kylo palms himself softly. He unzips the fly of his slacks and pulls himself free.

“Take it,” he growls softly.

Reaching to grasp his cock, you start jerking it slowly.

“Don’t tease me.” he snarls through gritted teeth.

Licking slowly from base to tip, you take him in your mouth. Eventually, you gain confidence and begin bobbing your head down his shaft. Ren gripped the back of your skull, pushing you deeper onto his cock. Choking, you try to steady yourself and push off using his thighs. He doesn’t let you, instead, pushing down further on him.

With a heavy groan, Ren finally releases you, pushing you back to the ground. 

“Stop. Before you make me cum in your mouth like a common whore. Up. On the desk.” He orders.

You rise from your knees to sit on his desk.

“Where all naughty girls like you end up…spread your thighs for me like I know you want to.”

Propping your knees up on the sides of the desk as instructed, you revealed the thin lacy panties that were hiding underneath your short skirt. Ren took his position on his knees, eye level with your core. Looking up at you, he searched for any sign of resistance and found none, so he continued. 

“You know I can take whatever I want…” he trailed off before lowering your panties off your hips and tossed them beneath his desk to retrieve later. 

Spreading your folds with his fingers, he rubbed over your clit with his thumb once, twice, waiting for your signal.

“Professor!”

“That feels good, you little slut…? Soaking wet for your professor…” 

“Yes sir, please! Do something...it feels so good!”

“Quiet.”

Going silent, you held back a moan when he went down on your clit. Sucking and flicking over it, you threatened to release a moan with every change of pace. His mouth was talented; it was good for more than delivering lectures and issuing critiques. At this moment, your body warmed with pleasure. It starts low in your belly and radiates outwards. Gripping onto his hair for support, you pulled him in closer to your core. He grinned at this movement, taking it as a signal to push on. He teased and saturated every centimeter of your folds, only pulling away when your gasps were so intense.

With a smirk, he took you in once more. It was the same gaze that he had been giving you in class since last Wednesday. Was it true he was lusting for you as you were for him? Like a mouse caught in his brilliant trap, you whimpered and pleaded for your release. He grinned, pulling away from your center. 

“Do you want me inside you…?

“anything….I just need to cum. Please, professor.” you begged.

“Kylo...when we’re alone.”

You nodded, trying his name out for size on your lips, “Kylo...please.”

With an animalistic attack, he planted several heavy kisses along your neck and collarbone. Sucking a mark into the skin where your clavicle met the base of your neck. Marking you as much more than his student, you were unsure of what this meant for your future. Surely there was no way you could stay in class, this is definitely a disruption of the academic dishonesty policy. More than that, you vowed never to do anything of this sort in your own moral code. 

There was no resisting Kylo. He was beautiful in a sort of broken, dark and alluring type of way. He had captured your mind with his, grasping you by the heart, and pulled you in.

As he kissed his way from your neck, over your chest, and over the softness of your belly, you met his gaze with yours. There was no way you were coming back from this. He fisted himself, admiring your beauty. He found you equally as ravishing as you found him. This expression of lust was primal and irresistible. Teacher and student. Slut.

Pulling you back into the moment, Kylo whispered to you, “tell me you’re ready and you want this,” with a feral look in his eyes.

“Please…”

Without another word, he thrust inside you. With a heavy gasp, your body arches into him, head throwing itself back to stare at the ceiling. Processing the immense pleasure you were feeling immediately, every nerve ending was ignited, hair standing up on every inch of your body.

Reaching a hand out to him, grasping onto his shoulder for purchase. Kylo continued thrusting without relent. Knocking over wooden cups of pens, paperclips, and miscellaneous files to the floor. Maybe your essay with a big, fat fifty-five was in that pile. That’s what got you into this situation, anyway. That, and your uncontrollable lust for your own professor.

Breaking you away from your mental tangent, he upped the intensity of his thrusts, a groan to punctuate each one. He continued at this pace until his next warning came.

“Fuck….! You better fucking be close…”He gritted through clenched teeth, hushed breath falling on the shell of your ear.

“I am...but please, Kylo...touch me…”

“Touch you…? Like you deserve it…?”

“Yes…!”

“Maybe if you didn’t fail your assignments, you wouldn’t be begging for my cock!”

“You brought me here!”

“Because you failed.”

In that moment, it all came crashing back down again.You really were just like the other girls, hoping to get even an ounce of sympathy to make yourself feel better and fill the gap in your chest. Gripping your chin roughly, Kylo forced you to look up at him.

“Your thoughts are loud.”

“What?” you looked at him.

“You wear your heart on your sleeve. You beg for approval. You need it.”

Snarling, Kylo released you from his grip.

“You are so capable. On your own.You just need to find it.”

With a long, grinding thrust, brushing his pubic bone against your clit, you feel overwhelmed with pleasure and approval. The very same approval he vowed he wasn’t giving to anyone. And he had just chosen you.

Desperate hands grabbed at any expanse of skin you had access to. 

“Cmon, sweet girl, you better cum for me…”

“I will…! I’m so close…”

Grunting, his thrusts fell out of tempo and were now hurried and rushed. Pulling your hips to meet his thrusts, you moaned his name into his ear, falling over the precipice. Kylo finished himself off with a punishing pace, hushing your name at the top of his climax.You smirked back at him, grinning at the effect you had on your professor. With this, you confirmed the feeling was mutual. 

After regaining his breath, he pulled his softening cock from you. Stepping back and pulling his now slightly wrinkled slacks back to his waist, buttoning and redoing the belt. You looked back up at him, and slid off his desk. You reached underneath to retrieve your panties from his desk.

“Leave them. They’re mine now.”

“I have to walk all the way across campus. I’m not leaving without them.”

“Yes you are. Guess you’ll have to figure it out.”

“Kylo-”

“It’s Professor Ren,” tucking his dress shirt back into his slacks, “this can’t continue.”

“I assumed that. But why did you say…”

“Hush. Get your things and go. You can’t be seen here for much longer.”

“Professor.”

“Make the corrections on your introductory assignment. I’ll take a look at it and give you partial credit. I think you have potential in this department. Fix it. And find your motivation.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Go.”

Throwing your messenger bag over your shoulder, filing the paper away inside, slipping your flats back on your feet, and pulling your skirt over your ass one more time, you left his office without another glance back at him. Walking across campus, you couldn’t help but wonder what this meant for the future of your so-called relationship with Professor Ren. Would the department catch on to him swinging your grade, letting you slip through the cracks of the rigorous curriculum? Would they force you to leave?

You pushed the thoughts from your head, picking up a snack and a cup of tea from the cafe on your way back to your dorm. Tossing your bag on your bed, collecting your thoughts from the last 45 minutes of your life. You decided to spend the night in, order a pizza, and fix your failed assignment. If you focused hard enough on your studies, you could maybe impress Professor Ren. Maybe there is a future for you in the department.

Independent of him? You weren’t so sure.

tagged: @hxldmxdxwn​ @smokahuntis​ @obiwkenobi​​ @thecutestlittlebunbunfairy​ @empower-bi-women​ @jbarnesss​

#kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x reader smut #professor!kylo ren #teacher/student #kylo ren #kylo ren fanfic #kylo ren oneshot #star wars fanfic #star wars oneshot #star wars smut #learning distraction #everythinggeeky #college au #sinful sunday

[babyeijra]

Socially Anxious INFJ Introvert

January 22, 2021

Okay, so it’s been a while since I last made an entry in this blog

I feel like I had to write something about what happened today because I wanted to get over something that I know will bug me if I don’t vent it or say anything about it.

I have always known that I have social phobia. Even without being clinically tested or what do you call it, psychological testing or diagnosis from a professional(?), I know I have social anxiety. I just don’t know what degree, but I know it’s there. Since elementary and high school, I was a quiet kid. I never speak unless spoken to, I don’t even interact with relatives, cousins, or strangers I just met. I have always been like that. I was afraid to be called in class, I get mental blocks when I get called even when I know the answer (this really happened), that’s why I don't participate in class recitations, and activities (unless forced). If I get called, my mind blanks, my heart pounds so hard, and I could feel the blood rush through my whole body and to my brain. Then if I stutter, I feel like I don’t know what I was saying, l feel like I’m being laughed at secretly and I would think of it hours, even days after what happened. And I learned that by writing it and reading more about my condition, and reading from other people’s (with social anxiety) experiences, that’s when I could get past one mistake or move on from my shame. When I read that there are others just like me and have experienced what I went through or going through, is only when I could move on from ONE mistake. But then, until when am I going to be like this? I honestly thought I got passed this social anxiety. That what I had was just acute social phobia, nothing too serious, that I will not experience anxiety to my adulthood, that I could now proceed of dreaming to be a lawyer since I passed high school, college, and now a CPA working in the government. I got passed a lot of interviews when I was just trying to find work as a fresh graduate. I thought, maybe nervousness during interviews, or presentations is just normal?

But now that I think about it, I had always needed days, even weeks of preparation and practice to get passed simple interviews. I had always had sleepless nights thinking of the days of interview. In high school I had always needed to study 5 times, even 10 times harder just so I wouldn’t get left behind, because I lack class participation. I always though I was stupid or stupidest person in class, I had always envied my classmates who can get through being called and being made to stand to answer and yet giving the wrong answer, because they seem like they were answering a question like it’s nothing, being called to stand is nothing, reporting in front of class is nothing, speaking and interacting with others is nothing. But for me, it’s not a simple “nothing”. I would think about it, I would remember my embarrassment when I stutter, or get mental blocks and gave the wrong answer, I would remember the judging stares (my mind probably had created).

I could recount, even today, how my high school English teacher, embarrassed me had called me to answer the last question, in front of everyone. The previous questions I had mentally answered and got them all right, after they were discussed or when my classmates had got it also right after they were called to answer. It was coincidental or I don’t know, that the last question was given to me. I had already made up my mind on the answer to the last question before being called. But when I was called, I don’t know what happened. My mind went black, and every symptoms of a social anxious person (from what I read from others’ experiences), I had really felt. I missed to give the right answer which I had already made up before. It just went away, I tried many times and I still had given a different answer, During that time, I really forgot what I answered in my head.  Didn’t I say, I went blank? And so this teacher made it worse by saying,  “If you got the highest score in the exam, you have to prove it, otherwise I would think you cheated” (nonverbatim). Okay now that I think about it, was she allowed to say that to a student? (I want to know the answer to this). I felt embarrassed then, but no one can deny the fact, that I did get the highest score on her exam. I really studied hard (like five times hard) and I listened well in class in high school and not because I wanted to compete with others, but I really had an interest to learn, and I also thought I was stupid and might fail (because of my lack of participation) that’s why I had to recoup by studying. I had the lowest self confidence and self esteem then. It was the lowest of the low. Surprisingly, actually, I graduated high school as salutatorian, and I dreaded it. I never wanted to be salutatorian. I never want to make a speech in front of many people, on the stage in an open space, at the University Quadrangle. I thought, maybe I’ll just get the “1st honorable mention” (3rd in the batch) or even 5th place, because I knew, what would pull me down (even though I sometimes or often times get the highest scores in exams and quizzes; Math, Science, Physics, and others included. Okay maybe except Filipino) was my lack of participation.

But yeah. Surprised? I was the salutatorian? Although it made me proud after I learned this from our class adviser (also our trigonometry teacher), but the next second I felt was, dread. “Oh shoot! I had to make a speech. I had to speak in front of everyone!”. Did you know, I even cried inside the Teacher’s room, in front of all the teachers, when we, I and another classmate who was the valedictorian, was asked to rehearse our speech in front of them? I was so nervous, I was crying while I was trying to speak (and the tears were not happy tears). I was so nervous that it made me cry. Can you imagine that? And you know what, the teachers actually thought? That I was crying because of happy tears, but I said to them, it’s because, “Gina kulbaan ako”(I’m really nervous). I should tell you, that when I said “crying”, I was spasm-sobbing (you know that sound you make when you cry, you get breathing spasms or hiccups) and had runny nose. I was a mess inside that teacher’s room. When I got out, my valedictorian classmate asked, “Ngaa nag hibi ka?” (Why did you cry). Yup, this happened. I need not relay to you what happened during the graduation. It would take up the time. Oh yeah!, I tried to think of ways to skip delivering the Salutatory Speech, like searching “how to get colds” so my voice will get coarse. I guess I would say, I never want to experience that (Salutatory Speech) again! And I had more also experiences in college. Like when we had to stand in front of the Audio Visual Room. And recite a (I think it was a long poem or verse). I was able to memorize it, but when I got in front. Well, you guessed it. I panicked and had a mental block. *sigh*

Wow, I actually made a long entry about my high school experiences as a Socially Anxious INFJ Introvert. I haven’t even gotten work experience yet. Huh!

I guess I need to let everyone first know the struggle of being a Socially Anxious Introvert from childhood experience POV, or what one feels like when speaking in front of everyone. So please, don’t judge this entry. What happened today, during our online Legal research class was, we had an oral exam about a hearing observation we had of a case. It was the easiest question by our Professor (who is a MCTC Judge) I think out of everyone’s. But I wasn’t prepared for the easiest question. I prepared for different questions and not the one she asked. So yeah, I blanked, stuttered and I guess and most probably flunked. Now you may be asking. Why did I enter Law School if I have a Social Anxiety? If you really read everything above, you’ll get the answer.

PS, I used at least 2 and a half hours of writing this entry. I have final exams next week. But I know I really couldn’t concentrate if all I think about was what happened 3 hours ago. I wanted to move on from a mistake and embarrassment. I really feel like and did sound stupid answering that SIMPLE question.

Now, what do you think? Should I give up Law School? Or try and conquer my fears in Law School? Do I even have a chance? Do you think I’m being brave? or being stupid for taking up Law but can’t even speak properly.

Any answer from anonymous person will be appreciated. Even if it’s a discouraging answer. I should accept the truth, whatever truths there would be. When I said, “don’t judge” I don’t mean it. Judge all you want really. It is the fact of the world. We even do it unconsciously.

PSS (is there such?), I have found a site (just now, while looking for pictures) that also talks about dealing with Social Anxiety in Law School (http://www.thelegalduchess.com/2018/08/dealing-with-social-anxiety-in-law.html). So I guess I’m not the only one. (by Sam Smith lol, unrelated content but still a good song). 

Will take time to read it. But, I need to study after this entry. (ugh! 😖The horror, I have a lot to cover for the finals and I have wasted so much time). I feel a lot better after writing this. So I guess it was not wasted time after all.

PPS: 12:17 am more than 4 hrs since my bad recit. I still can't concentrate. I have now been watching youtube about moving on from bad recits. I still cringe everytime I remember it, quite often. That's why I dont think I can remember what I read. Also, I'm writing this because I remember something. Studying harder is now 10 times harder to do in law school, especially if you are a full time, full load, working student. I couldn't prepare well for the next class, and I couldn't prepare for all possible questions as a Socially Anxious INFJ Introvert (which means all questions my mind could think of, because like I said, there'd be no time). And what makes it more embarrassing and humiliating, I have a classmate who is also a coworker (she's in a different work group) and her husband is also my coworker in the same work group.

#note #notes #Social Anxiety #Introvert #INFJ #Shame #Embarrassment #Dream #COL #Law Student #First Year #social anxiety disorder #experience

[thelonelymonths]

Social Anxiety Adventures: Shaky Hands Make For Shaky Words

Living with social anxiety is a cruel reality for those who are forced to endure it. However, it is a large part of my life. Ever since I was little, I would constantly shy away from meeting new people, occasionally running to the nearest bathroom in tears, and locking myself away in hopes that if the people left, my fears would leave with them. (This is a true story: Upon meeting my brother’s Tae Kwon Do instructor, I really burst into tears. My parents laughed it off.) Everyone would pass it off, saying that I was just a little shy and that I would grow out of it. If only it was that easy...

When I got to middle school, though, it only continued to get worse. I would fake sore throats to get out of speaking in classes, make up aches and pains so I wouldn’t have to go to swim lessons, refrain from asking my parents for anything and everything. I still have flashbacks of going into my mom’s room once to ask her for something and her getting mad because this was my third time within the hour in there, working up the courage to finally ask.

High school was a series of losing points on oral presentations for not presenting well enough, or getting a fail in participation grades even if the other aspects of my learning were fine. Each time I was called on, or up in front of the class, my heart felt like it was about to beat right out of my chest. Between shaky hands and even shakier words, sometimes I'd think that a life of tremors would be easier than what I was being forced to endure.

Physical education and chemistry were two classes in particular for which I can call myself out. Before being switched to an alternative gym class, I spent my 9th grade year in a regular class that would sometimes be co-ed depending on the sport. I didn’t care for the male gym teacher that accompanied us during these times and he was annoyed with my lack of skill. I almost failed gym that year due to skipping, not dressing, or making snarky remarks back when sarcastically asked if I’d like to join.

With my chemistry class, I just stopped showing up after my teacher made me cry. He had discovered that I was made uncomfortable being called on at random to answer questions, so one particular day he kept making a point to call on me. This was a double period and we had 4 minutes in between classes to do what we wanted. I went to get a snack with my lab partner and immediately started crying. By the time I arrived back to the classroom, I was hyperventilating. I asked to go to the bathroom and Mr. Campbell replied (in an amused tone, may I add) asking if I’d rather go to the counselor. Since the counselors were shit and I was full of rage I declined and sat in the bathroom the rest of class. I returned occasionally for quizzes and whatnot and my friends would drop off my homework so I didn’t fail, but that was still an unfair situation to be put in.

That same year, though, was luckily when I had the greatest English teacher in the world, who helped me discover my love of the language. (Shoutout to Hilary Domencic.) She would occasionally have discussion circles for the classes and I think we compromised that I would get points if I spoke even once. (It was here where she discovered that my fascination with the written word trumped my inability for spoken words and recommended that I go into Honors English my senior year.)

Not only did social anxiety have an impact on my education, but it affected my relationships and abilities to perform simple tasks. Ordering food is a risky move and there have been times where I opted to not eat rather than try to speak my order to someone. I usually request friends help me out by doing the speaking, but I don’t always have the luxury of having them around. If they do it, it leaves me feeling as if they're annoyed with me not being able to “grow up” and talk to others. This happened as recently as last semester when I had to have my friend order Subway for me as I stood there near tears with my heart inching toward my stomach.

Phone calls are another thing that fuel my nightmares. In a text-savvy world, this may not seem as bad, until family members wonder why I won't return calls, or I���m forced to schedule my own doctors appointments. I'm accused of my lack of reciprocation being because I “don’t care.” I do care about them; they just don't understand the irrational fears in my head. Usually when I have to make important and adult phone calls, I write down how I will begin and if I know how certain parts of it will go, I write those down, too, so that I still have them when I inevitably lose my train of thought. I had to do this during the phone portion of my job interview, where I wrote down answers to the usual questions they ask, which I got from a list off of google. I didn’t even use half of them, but my brain had to be prepared in case of a mental shut down.

Speaking of work, I work at a hybrid gas station/made to order food store that rhymes with let low. I started there last summer and was to be trained both in the kitchen and at the registers. I spent 2 days being trained on the register, after a week training in the kitchen, and then was forced on by myself. 8 hours of having to socially interact on any given day really made me feel like I was inching closer to death. I ended up having to ask my assistant manager for kitchen shifts only, after coming in having a panic attack because I was scheduled on register. I luckily got my coworker James to switch with me so I could be in the kitchen and he even came to check and make sure I was okay. I apologized over and over for crying to him and I think called myself a weenie, but I haven’t had to work register since.

Social anxiety has limited me from doing things that I’ve wanted to do. I cannot paint it as a beautiful picture, because it’s not. It has caused tears, panic, and disdain for things that should be enjoyable. But it has also made me stronger, and I’ve grown with different experiences from others. I am empathetic and tolerant to others struggling, maybe not with my exact experiences, but similar ones. I am patient with kids who are nervous about doing things, and I am loving to those who cannot do things. Nobody is ever alone in this life, even when it feels like we are. My 10-year-old self had support through friends, books, and television. My 20-year-old self has support through friends, writing, plants, and colleagues. My hands may shake when I speak, and sometimes I just may not speak, but I am powerful through other means.

#social anxiety #anxiety #mental health #blog #blog post #mental illness #support #new blog post #text post #text #post #writing #english writing #middle school #high school #life #life experiences #personal writing #growing #queer #queer writer #nonbinary #nonbinary writer #blogpost #mental health support #my experience #experience #experiences #work #phone

[thegirlwiththeglasses-3]

Marisol Fuentes Definitely Does Not Have a Crush on Mikey Gutierrez: A Case Study

Marisol Fuentes Definitely Does Not Have a Crush on Mikey Gutierrez: A Case Study

By Marisol Fuentes (Negatory), Grace Aung (Affirmative), Mr. Gabriel Iglesias (Affirmative), Walt Smit (Affirmative), Lorenzo [REDACTED] (Affirmative)

Additional assistance to Ms. Fuentes by Gabriel Iglesias and Abigail Spencer

Purpose of Case Study: To determine whether or not Ms. Marisol Fuentes is crushing on Mr. Mikey Gutierrez.

Procedures: Structure examples by writing down specific dates, then an honest, impartial account of the events that have transpired. No opinions permitted. 

Working Hypothesis for the Negatory: Ms. Fuentes does not and has never had a “thing” for Mr. Gutierrez because she is far too busy to consider getting into a relationship, so she has never allowed herself to look at anyone in that manner, and even if she did, Mr. Gutierrez is almost comically ignorant of the most basic facts and possesses little to no desirable qualities one would look for in a significant other.

Working Hypothesis for the Affirmative: Ms. Fuentes has been into Mr. Gutierrez literally since the first day of freshman year, as says everyone who lays eyes on them. The only reason she doesn’t know about it is because she’s so focused and driven regarding everything in her own life, as it is highly stressful, so she hasn’t had time to think about her own feelings. 

Important Dates:

Beginning of Study: Wednesday, February 1st- 7:35 am

End of Study: Monday, March 4th- 2:35 pm

Final Meeting Between Affirmative and Negatory (Presentations): Wednesday, March 6th- 2:36 pm

Formal voting procedures and a conclusional committee will be held three weeks from the completed report date, to be determined after the complete case study is typed, proofread, and submitted by an independent source, also to be determined. The committee is as follows:

Member One (Chair): Principal Paula Madison

Member Two: Mr. Tony Ochoa

Member Three: Ms. Abigail Spencer

Faculty Supervisor: Mr. Gabriel Iglesias

Evidence (Impartial)

Wednesday, February 1st- The Classroom Incident

Submitted by Marisol Fuentes, Negatory

It’s a simple, normal Wednesday. Marisol’s made calls for only five hours instead of six before school starts because it’s not every day she aces a math test like the one she aced yesterday. She got an extra one percent, so she can sleep a little more than usual. She steps into class with a little spring in her step, tossing her backpack next to her chair and giving Mr. Iglesias a wave, which he returns without looking up. 

Mikey’s not next to her yet, which is fairly normal considering his penchant for being late, although Marisol strongly suspects it’s not completely his fault. She stretches out in her seat, flipping Walt off after he teasingly pretends to hike up his shirt into a crop top. Yeah. Today is a good day. Grace tosses her the extra apple she pretends she packs on accident, and she leans back and closes her eyes lazily for a couple extra minutes.

The bell rings in what feels like ten seconds, and Mr. Iglesias sweeps around the room in his normal dramatic ways until he gets to the door and closes it. “Good morning, settle down!,” he shouts over the vague buzz. “Let the undercurrent cease!”

Marisol combs her fingers through her hair as he starts attendance. She does her usual hand raise when she hears her name.

Something feels-odd in a way. It’s just a little different from her productive little spot of morning bliss. She can’t quite put her finger on it, but it is extremely disconcerting. 

“Mikey?,” Mr. Iglesias calls. Marisol instinctively turns to watch Mikey crash and burn like he does every day during attendance because he always answers with some weird Fortnite taunt or something-but she stops cold. Mikey’s seat is completely empty.

In reality, things proceed as usual, but Marisol is stuck on Mikey’s empty spot. He’s never been this late before. It’s usually a few minutes before or a few minutes after the bell. She can’t remember a day where he’d been absent, either, and she never is because she wills herself into having perfect attendance at least for this class, so she would definitely know if he’d ever been out before. 

It takes Mr. Iglesias starting to perform the character of Mary-Todd Lincoln to snap her out of her weird dissociation. She shakes her head like a dog shaking off water and starts to take notes about the importance of the role of first ladies within the presidency. But she keeps having these thoughts, harkening back to things Mikey had said the last time they’d discussed Lincoln, or his complete flame out during the infamous oral reports last summer. It’s not only memories, too, it’s stuff that she could say to him to make him laugh, or maybe a new mnemonic device they could use to study for the next test. 

The bell rings, and Marisol blinks to find most of the other kids filing out and Mr. Iglesias standing over her desk.

“Are you okay?,” he asks suspiciously. “That was an awful lot of daydreaming for one class, especially for you. Are you sleeping?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she answers, starting to gather up her things. “I’m okay. Just an off day, you know? Thanks for not calling me out on it.” “Sure thing,” he nods. “And Marisol?”

She turns on her way out. “Yep?”

“Word of advice,” Mr. Iglesias says, smirking. “If you really don’t want the entire class knowing that you somehow reciprocate that thing Mikey has for you, I’d suggest making sure you can function when he’s not here.”

Marisol can feel her cheeks redden. “I was fine,” she protests. “I was a little groggy.”

“Sure, fine, okay,” he agrees. “If you’re denying that, maybe next time you shouldn’t write notes with his name all over your notebook. Mikey’s out sick today. His mom called. He’s fine. Text him and tell him that joke you wrote down at the top of page 3. Stir the pot a little. See what happens.”

Her face is now tomato red. “I don’t like him!,” she yells as she throws the door open. “I can miss my friend!”

His laughter follows her down the hall, all the way to her next class.

(The next day, Mikey is back in his desk, and early for once, with a smile and about three large oranges to play catch with Lorenzo when Mr. Iglesias isn’t looking. When his name is called on roll, Marisol elbows him when he almost falls out of his desk trying to deep dab. He leans over and doodles a small flower on her paper, but if you look closely, he’s really just drawn a penis. Marisol calmly writes ‘Oscar for principal’ on his worksheet in retaliation. They are now even. At least until English next period.)

Friday, February 15- The Sleep Out Incident

Submitted by Marisol Fuentes, Negatory

In Marisol’s very humble opinion, the annual ‘sleep out’ is a way to punish all of the students in the school. It’s always a complete mess organizationally, nobody ever has exactly what they actually need to function normally, and the teachers mostly just sit there and watch as the students destroy the environment and do the exact opposite of appreciate being with their schoolmates.

Marisol has spent the last two sleep outs sitting alone in her tiny tent, selling solar panels and doing her work in peace as her classmates push each other to the brink. But this year, she will not be doing that. She will not have her little slice of alone time before the stupid sing-along and the stupid friendship circle and the waste of time that is the scary story session. She also won’t be sleeping alone this time. 

Because Mr. Iglesias’s class came in last in the fund-raiser, they have been forced to sleep on the roof without tents. Marisol will be subjected to all the nonsense for a solid thirteen hours. 

Case in point, she thinks to herself as she watches Walt chase Lorenzo around, using his sleeping bag as a giant butterfly net. She does enjoy her group of weirdos immensely, but this is a lot for one day.

“Mr. Iglesias,” she calls. “Can I just sit up here and not go to the campfire?”

“No, because if I’m suffering, so are you,” he yells back. “Stop running on the roof, idiots! You’re gonna fall off and die!”

Great. An evening watching Mr. Ochoa make a fool of himself in front of Ms. Spencer and Principal Madison host an event to the nines, which she usually enjoys, but she’s already so annoyed and keyed up, she doesn’t know how she’ll enjoy it. “Stepford!,” Marisol hollers across the roof at him, because she knows nobody will understand how truly gorgeous that insult is but the two of them. 

Mr. Iglesias whirls on her. “You take that back this instant!” There’s an announcement from the field that Capture the Flag is about to begin. 

He takes a deep breath and snags Mikey’s bedsheet, which Rakeem seems to be using as a cape. “Never mind. This isn’t over. We’re finishing this after we kick the honors students’ collective asses. Also, everyone quit stealing stuff just to annoy me!”

Walt halfheartedly returns Mr. Iglesias’ wallet to his pocket, just as Lorenzo returns his vape. Marisol sends both of them a look that says she won’t tell, and reluctantly descends the stairs to go spend two hours pretending to care about some random scrap of fabric.

^^^

Following the gratuitous game, the entirety of the stupid campfire (although she enjoyed Mikey’s little yelp when she grabs his shoulders during the story about the man with a hook for a hand they tell every year), and the group discussion that’s supposed to make them see each other in a ‘different light’ that never does, Marisol relishes the chance for quiet. She crawls into her sleeping bag and falls asleep. 

For around an hour.

It turns out the roof is deceivingly cold. And full of gravel. Both of these are highly counterproductive to getting any restful sleep and true to form, Marisol can’t fall asleep anymore. She reaches for her phone. 2 am, reads the ruthless display. She flops over in her sleeping bag, onto her stomach, and notices someone else sitting a few feet away, looking up at the stars. 

She shoots a look to her right-Walt and Lorenzo sharing a blanket. On her left, Grace sleeping with her glasses on and Rakeem twitching his feet in his sleep. And one empty pile of blankets and twisted sleeping bag belonging to a certain someone belonging to the Fortnite club.

Marisol grins to herself. She wraps her blanket around her and pads over to where Mikey is sitting.

“You can’t sleep?,” she asks, easing herself down into the pile of gravel next to him. 

He oddly doesn’t lose it, which she chalks up to how late it is. “No,” he says, turning his gaze to her. “It’s stupid we have to do this. Did anyone actually come up here and consider the fact that this is uninhabitable because it’s the roof?”

“That’s a big word,” Marisol teases. “Did you read the dictionary for summer reading again?”

He snorts and sifts some of the gravel through his hands. “No, that’s the one thing I picked up from Mrs. Ortiz yelling at me about my desk yesterday because she made me look it up.”

She laughs. “That’s easily the loudest I’ve heard her yell since Walt tried to start the vape train in third period. It was an achievement.”

“Thanks,” Mikey jokingly bows to her. “It’s my pleasure to entertain you as we fuck Shakespeare over.”

“That’s a complete understatement. Lorenzo pronounced ‘Juliet’ as ‘Jules’ today. It was ridiculous.”

They both break into giggles. Marisol bumps shoulders with him and smiles.

“So why can’t you sleep besides, you know, everything?”

Mikey sucks in his cheeks. “You’re gonna laugh.” “No, I won’t laugh,” Marisol says stubbornly. “I promise, if I didn’t laugh at you when Ortiz dumped your desk on the floor, I won’t laugh at you now.”

He stares at the ground for a second. “Okay. So I share a room with two of my younger brothers, and I kind of find it hard to sleep without the noise. One of them snores a little and the other one breathes loud, and it’s just-comforting, I guess. Go ahead, make fun of me.”

“That’s kind of sweet, Mikey,” she grins. “Uh-I can’t sleep either. I’m cold because I sleep with my sister and without her, it feels freezing.”

“Hey,” he says after a beat of silence. “Uh-you can totally slap me in the face if you want, and I’ll never speak of this again, but lots of people are accidentally, like-sleeping really close together, like look at Rakeem and Grace-” “Oh, no”, she interjects. “That is clearly on purpose.”

“But-like, you’re cold, and I need noise, and-well-”

That’s when it occurs to Marisol exactly what he’s talking about. There’s a little rush of heat through her core that she pushes aside for the time being. The offer seems almost kind, and Mikey is very seriously blushing. 

She makes her decision quickly.

“I won’t tell anyone if you don’t,” she says, trying her best to act nonchalant and rising to her fee. “Are you coming?”

(Marisol settles her head firmly on Mikey’s chest. They both sleep just fine, and nobody says anything to them in the morning because they’re way too busy teasing Walt for his morning wood. Just as they’d sworn to do, they never speak of this again, but she can feel that something has changed. Mikey calms down a little around her, and touching shoulders becomes their weird little thing. It’s almost disturbingly comforting, but true to form, Marisol doesn’t decide to figure her shit out. She just chooses to not think about it.)

Sunday, February 24th- The Science Fair Incident

Submitted by Mr. Gabriel Iglesias, Affirmative 

The first thing Marisol says when she walks into the gym on the morning of the science fair is, “Is this room spinning?”

The second thing is “It’s really hot-no, it’s really cold in here.”

And by the time the entire class is looking at her with extreme concern, the third and final thing is, “I’m gonna throw up.”

With that single warning, she pukes directly onto Mikey’s shoes, swaying on her feet for a second before successfully losing consciousness against him. 

Predictably, as in Gabe’s experiences, high schoolers tend not to be incredibly mature when it comes to someone getting sick in class. He elects to follow the traditional ‘teacher vomit checklist’. First, check for sympathy pukers. A quick scan reveals no immediate signs. Grace quickly volunteers to notify Jim the janitor, leaving him available to check in on Marisol, and make sure that Mikey is surviving as well.

He turns to find Mikey rather maturely removing his shoes and gently helping Marisol over to the bleachers, where he props her up, sitting next to her so she can lean on him. Gabe is very surprised by this sequence of events, but he gets less concerned when she wakes up slightly, still really sleepy. 

Mikey looks to see him approaching. “Hey,” he says. “She’s really of out of it. I don’t know what we should do.”

“What about your sneakers?”

He shrugs. “I have a lot of siblings, so it’s not like that hasn’t happened before. I’ll just hose them down on the way home.”

Marisol stirs again, then sits upright and makes a very very bad face. Thanks to Walt putting a trash can next to his project so he can destroy it as soon as possible, she doesn’t throw up on anyone. Gabe thinks about helping, but Mikey is already holding her hair back and telling her that it’s okay. She finishes and slumps backwards, leaning into nothing. When she realizes Mikey isn’t sitting next to her anymore, she makes a highly affronted noise and hauls him back in by the sleeve of his shirt. He looks like he’s made the honor roll.

“Head hurts,” she groans. “Too bright.”

Gabe sits next to her. “What hurts?”

“Head,” she whispers again. “Shaky. Cold. Stomach hurts, too.”

Without being asked, Mikey drapes his sweatshirt around her shoulders. There has to be something going on that Gabe doesn’t know about, because he is acting incredibly mature and not freaking out because Marisol is touching him.

“What about the science fair?,” she breathes, reaching out a quavering hand. “I worked so hard on that project, it would have beat Whitney’s-”

“You can’t go up there like this,” Gabe tells her openly. “You’re sick.”

“Am not,” she argues. “I can do this. I don’t want to let anybody down.”

“I know you don’t want to miss it, but you need to rest! You definitely have a fever and chills, and you’re shaking.” Marisol throws off the hoodie and stands up defiantly. “I have to present today! It’s make or break for my grade!”

“I know you want to do this really badly,” Gabe says carefully, “but I really think you need to go home.”

“Great,” she says frostily. “Thank you for your opinion. I’m going to go give my presentation-oh, oh, dizzy, oh my god.” She sways dangerously once again and he’s easily able to guide her down onto the bleachers once again.

“Let me try,” Mikey offers. “Just gimme a sec, okay?”

What the hell, Gabe figures. He walks a few paces away, giving Lorenzo a very annoyed look when he tries to hotwire whatever kind of villainous supercomputer Grace has constructed, let him give it a shot. He already knows how it’s going to turn out, so there isn’t any real risk involved before he’ll have to step-

“We figured it out.”

Surprised, Gabe turns to see Mikey standing there. “You did?”

“Yeah. I’m gonna go on with her. I’ll do most of it, because then we can show how easy it is to follow, and if she needs to take a break she can. Carlson’ll probably say it’s innovative or something.” “You got it that fast?”

Mikey shrugs. “Well, yeah. Duh. It’s not that hard.”

And with that, he goes back to sit with Marisol, bumping her shoulder once, which makes her smile a little for some reason. “If it gets too much, just tap on my hand,” he’s gently telling her. “You can take a break, or be done. It’s gonna be fine.”

She murmurs something quietly, which makes him laugh. “He tries, you know that.”

Gabe doesn’t know whether to feel completely insulted that he apparently doesn’t know how to talk to Marisol, dumbfounded that Mikey somehow does, or impressed at his handling of the situation. He goes with somewhere in the middle of all three.

Pride is added to the mix when Marisol and Mikey finish first. Ms. Carlson calls it ‘incredibly creative’. 

(Directly after the ceremony, she collapses again, and because Gabe is done being scared for her safety, he calls an ambulance. It turns out she has appendicitis. Her surgery is scheduled for one day later. Mikey is in class that day, and he looks sicker than she had. Everybody leaves him alone for most of the day, and the second someone calls Gabe to let him know it was successful, he knows exactly who to forward the news to. Mikey instantaneously relaxes. His signature hoodie is still missing. It can be found in the picture of Marisol post-surgery, hanging over her hospital gown.)

Tuesday, February 26- The Druggie Incident

Submitted by Grace Aung, Affirmative

Grace had figured that it would have been easy to convince everyone else they should visit Mari in the hospital after school, but she had been so very wrong. 

“Hospitals depress me,” said Walt. 

“Those places have too many cameras,” said Lorenzo.

“ImalreadygoingtomorrowandItalkedtoherlastnightbye,” mumbled Mikey, blushing crimson.

“No,” said Rakeem. “Not even for you, Gracie.” (Only Rakeem and her mom are allowed to call her Gracie, just like how only she calls Marisol ‘Mari’.)

So Grace goes alone to the hospital after she finishes taking the short answer part of her English midterm. She checks in to get her visitor badge and heads to the second floor ICU, room nineteen.

A nurse stops her outside Mari’s room. “Are you here to see Ms. Fuentes?”

Grace nods. 

The nurse winks at her. “Before you go in there, you might want to get your camera ready. She is still processing the anesthesia.”

Grace gets out her phone and turns it to video. Mari is sleeping when she gets in. The TV is on and turned to the Smithsonian channel, which is showing a space marathon. She looks really peaceful, and considering that the last time she saw her, she was burning up and puking in a high school gymnasium, it’s an immense improvement. Marisol snuffles a little and turns her legs over to the left. Grace digs her laptop out of her bag and hacks YouTube algorithms for awhile.

Some quiet giggles erupt from the bed about a half hour later. Grace eagerly scrambles for her phone, setting her computer safely inside her bag. “Hey, Mari, it’s Grace. How are you?”

Marisol turns over to her other side to face her visitor. Her eyes are glassy, and to use Walt’s favorite phrase in a sentence, she is “tripping balls”.

“My face feels weird,” she slurs. Grace immediately starts recording, because something in her head clearly knows this is gonna be good.

“Hey, girl,” she says, gently touching her wrist. “How you doing?”

“Tired. Doesn’t hurt anymore. Doctor said I don’t have an apple anymore, but I want an apple.”

“They gave you the really good drugs, huh,” Grace observes idly.

“You’re Grace,” Marisol realizes. “I really like you and I don’t think I tell you enough. You’re, like, the least annoying person in that classroom.”

“Thanks, sweetie, I like you a lot too. How’s the scar down there?”

“Good,” she mumbles, twisting her fingers in her hospital gown. “They cut me open and put me back together. Like in SpongeBob that one time. I wanna be SpongeBob when I grow up.”

“Oh, honey, I do too,” Grace says, finding it very hard to stifle her giggles behind her hand anymore, so she decides it’s time to switch the subject. She digs in her bag and finds the card and the other crap people sent to Mari.

“Here,” she says, handing her the piece of paper they spent an entire class period on. “That’s from everybody. We drew Mr. Iglesias’ favorite poster for you, and then we signed it. Nobody else could come though.”

Marisol nods slowly, looking over what she’s been given. Grace gets the distinct feeling she has absolutely no idea what she’s looking at and a little bit of a scary idea that she can’t read it. 

“Walt sent this...thing he made out of Juul pods and hot glue, and if you don’t mind I think I’m just going to throw that away. No one would want that. Rakeem sent this note that says he misses you and your help during class, which is great, except he wrote it on notebook paper that he also doodled a basketball on, and Lorenzo apparently just signed his name on that as well. Great. Even in times of crisis, they’re minimal effort.”

Mari wriggles a little in her blankets as her blood pressure cuff activates. Grace suddenly notices a beautiful vase of flowers next to her bed.

“Who sent those?,” she asks.

“Rita,” Grace hears faintly from the other side of the bed. “She’s realllly pretty and sweet.”

“I got you one of those ugly stuffed animals,” she sets it on Mari’s chest. “I just thought you’d like a little something to hold onto in here.”

She doesn’t get a huge response, but she does see her hug it close to her chest as the cuff releases.

“Oh, and Mikey said he was coming sometime tomorrow, okay? He had Fortnite club after school today. He said you’d understand.” Marisol gets a big grin on her face. “I know. He’s the best. I like him a lot too, but you can’t tell him.” She leans closer. “Do you wanna know a really big secret? I like like him.”

Grace stops. “You like him? Like boyfriend like him?”

“Yeah. You can’t tell him. He can’t know that I wanna kiss him all over his stupid face and hold his hand and cry on him during movies.”

“Why can’t he know? I think he’d definitely feel that way too.”

“He just can’t. It’s stupid. Feelings are dumb,” she pouts. “I can’t make me not like him and I don’t like that.”

(The nurse pokes her head in and signals to Grace that she needs to do some work on Mari, so she says her goodbyes and leaves in a hurry. Late that night she texts her, do u remember what u told me today? Mari’s reply is instantaneous. No. Then, right after that, yes.

Please promise that you won’t say anything. I shouldn’t have told you that.

i won’t, Grace texts back. but maybe u should.)

Wednesday, February 27- The Hospital Incident

Submitted by Marisol Fuentes, Negatory

Marisol turns over onto her side and lets out a big sigh of annoyance.

The hospital is the worst, most boring place imaginable. It is incredibly dull. Literally nothing is happening because the ‘gastrology’ wing is not exactly a hub of activity. The nurses and doctors have been nice and everything, but she is chomping at the bit to get out as fast as she can.

The anesthesia finally has stopped affecting her, so she’s been allowed to brush her own teeth and hair and shower on her own for the first time in three days. Nothing has ever felt that good. She’s expecting the rehab specialist in about an hour so she can start to walk.

Marisol has spent the majority of her stay alone. It’s not that her family hasn’t visited, they just can’t stay long because jobs are a thing and her sister needs to be taken care of too. A surprising amount of school people have come; Grace came after school yesterday and brought her a card and a cute stuffed animal, Ms. Spencer and Principal Madison gave her a nice bar of soap and a cup of hot chocolate from the shop right by her house and joked about how desperate Mr. Ochoa looked on Monday, and of course Mr. Iglesias has been there as much as he can and secretly Skyped her in class today so she could at least hear what the lecture is about. She’s lucky to have so many people who care that much.

Speaking of people who care quite a bit about her, she looks up to see Mikey standing there looking incredibly awkward and like he’s about to jump out of his own skin.

“Hey,” he says, walking in and putting his stuff down next to her bed. “How-how are you doing?”

“Decent,” she answers. “Hard not to poke at the stitches, I can’t walk, and the food sucks.”

“Sounds pretty standard.” He eases himself into one of the chairs lining the walls and scoots it a little closer to the bedside. “We miss you in class.”

“I miss you guys too,” she admits grudgingly. “Even Walt. It’s sort of lonely in here. And kind of unnervingly beige.”

“I thought about bringing you flowers but I decided that would probably be weird,” Mikey blurts, “so I got you some soup and this weird mint chocolate thing that Grace swore up and down you liked. I-I hope that’s right. I got the soup recipe off the internet so I wouldn’t, like, kill you with my mom’s idea of food.”

Marisol eagerly sits up at the mention of food that’s not medicated or ‘healthy’ in any way. She makes grabby hands at the chocolates and to a lesser degree the soup.

“Oh, real food,” she practically sings out as he carefully hands her the containers. “You are the literal best. Thank you.”

Mikey blushes a little at the compliment and slumps back on the chair. “You’re welcome. I just figured you could use something that wasn’t Jello, you know?”

She gratefully takes off the top of the soup, because she hasn’t had lunch yet anyway, and to her surprise, it actually smells good. She rummages through the ever-present pile of plastic utensils on her bedside table to find a spoon and takes a taste.

“Dude,” she says with her mouth full, “Whoa. This is really good! I didn’t know you could cook!”

Mikey’s grin of omg-she-likes-it is slightly overshadowed by his mumbles of “neither did I.”

“Well, the internet is truly an amazing place,” Marisol observes between sips of soup, careful to not spill any on her incredibly fashionable hospital gown. “You ‘used your resources’. Mr. Iglesias would be so proud of you. He’s been trying to get you to do that all year.”

Mikey laughs and starts to make another joke about the things he says to the class constantly, but her IV drip chooses that exact moment to officially run out and starts to beep loudly. Her nurse comes streaming into the room, and she quickly realizes they are slightly but clearly leaning towards each other.

“We can get that drip out of there now! You finished all the meds.” Cheryl, who couldn’t have been nicer in any way, tactfully chooses to ignore or just straight up doesn’t notice the weird as hell vibe in the room. She calmly disconnects the IV line and wraps the area in gauze. Marisol manages to suppress her yelp of pain as the needle comes out. 

“And who’s this? I don’t think I’ve seen you around,” she asks on her way out. The awkwardness ratchets up several notches instantly..

“Hi, I’m Mikey. I’m a friend. Nice to meet you.” They shake hands.

“Wait. Mikey? Like, the Mikey?”

“As far as I know, there’s only one,” he answers, a very strange look on his face. Marisol can feel her face going very red very fast, and frantically gestures to Cheryl to stop talking. Thankfully, she seems to get the message and backs off the subject, but still smiles at her teasingly behind Mikey’s back. Mikey in question is positively cherry red, and is clearly trying to move on and pretend that never happened.

With the IV disconnected, the nurse disappears, and leaves behind a silence that’s even more awkward than it was earlier. 

“So,” he scuffs part of his sneaker on the ground, “When are they letting you out of here? I kinda miss you annoying me every day and telling me my study habits are trash.”

“Tomorrow afternoon,” she says, sitting up again. “I’ll be back at school on Monday if I have my way, and those days off work weren’t easy to get.”

There’s yet another pause. Mikey is staring at the ground still, and things just feel...off. 

“Okay, this isn’t working,” Marisol cuts in. She picks up the box of mints from the table, scooting to one side to give some space. “Come up here and pretend to like these with me while we watch the same NCIS reruns I’ve been watching for three days. This isn’t normal, but we can act like it is, just like movie Fridays at Walt’s house, minus the weed soaked into the couch. Cool?”

His signature grin instantly appears on his face. “Cool.” He toes off his shoes and climbs onto the bed with her, bumping their shoulders together once again. The memories of the science fair and the sleepout flood back.

“Sorry I puked all over your shoes, by the way,” she adds in as she picks the wrapping off the box of mints. “That totally sucked.”

“Nah, I just hosed them off,” he says casually, stretching. “Good as new.” 

Marisol realizes during that interaction they’ve somehow shifted even closer. She quickly snatches the remote and turns the channel to the never ending NCIS loop, pretending that it hasn’t happened. It works well enough.

(“You know what does totally suck?,” Mikey says after a few minutes. “These mints. These suck.” She jokingly pokes him in the ribs, acting affronted that he doesn’t appreciate her great taste in candy, and starts to laugh when he puts an arm around her shoulders and drags her in. Then he leaves his arm there. Then Marisol puts her head on his shoulder. Then she falls asleep. Again, they don’t talk about it.)

Monday, March 5th-The Cherry Pepsi Incident

Submitted by Mr. Gabriel Iglesias, Affirmative

Mondays during finals are the worst, Gabe thinks to himself as he sits at his desk, quietly watching the shenanigans that conspire before first bell. Sleep deprivation and all of the weekend issues catching up with his students always hit them like a ton of bricks, leading to some of the strangest behavior one could see in a high school.

Case in point, Rakeem picking up Lorenzo’s backpack and chucking it towards a poster of Teddy Roosevelt because he thought Teddy was looking at him weird. It lands directly on Grace’s head. She doesn’t even acknowledge it as she simultaneously drinks from two extra-large coffee cups. Walt has his head on his desk and is deliriously whispering the chorus from that stupid baby shark song.

Gabe figures that Mikey will be at least thirty-five minutes late, given that his track record with all things final or midterm have not been ideal, but Marisol isn’t in her seat waiting for the test to begin. Just as he starts to get up for the traditional ‘hallway check’, Marisol strolls in late, and right behind her, Mikey strolls in early.

Hell hath frozen over. Holy crap.

Neither one of them seem to be any kind of tired. Mikey actually has his backpack. Marisol is smiling. 

Who are these space aliens and where are Gabe’s usual students?

“Morning, Mr. Iglesias,” Marisol calls cheerfully over the relentless noise of the room. “Happy finals week!”

“What’s got you all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, Ms. “No, I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead, My Grades Are More Important Than My Emotional Well-Being”?”

“I just feel confident about the test, that’s all,” she continues, crossing to put her stuff down at her usual spot. “Mikey helped me figure out this thing where I can prop up my notebook while I work cashier at the drive through. And I actually slept last night. So there’s that.” 

Gabe sees the impending accident in slow motion. He suddenly realizes that an empty bottle fo cherry Pepsi has fallen out of Rakeem’s bag following the impromptu game of catch earlier. And that Marisol is walking directly towards it. Carrying a travel mug of coffee. And a large stack of papers.

“Watch out, Mari!,” Grace shouts suddenly. “You’re gonna slip!”

It’s too late. Her foot lands directly onto the bottle, which spins and slides across the floor. Marisol looks down in shock as one of her legs slides out from under her and she pitches backward, falling towards the carpet as Gabe watches helplessly.

Her stack of papers lands on the carpet with a slight flump, and she tries desperately to keep a grip on her coffee. He averts his eyes, not wanting to witness the inevitable injury-but it doesn’t come. 

She hasn’t hit the floor because Mikey Gutierrez, knight in teenage armor, has caught her just in time. Between the relationship dynamic discussion between Walt, Lorenzo, and Rita last week and Rakeem’s rather dramatic dance proposal to Grace, why in the hell has his classroom become some kind of a romantic comedy?

They’re now making incredibly intense eye contact, so Gabe coughs loudly. They spring apart almost instantly and freeze like that. 

He comes close to saying something stupid about it, but literally no one has noticed anything happening because of the small fight happening in the corner between Lorenzo and his shoelaces. Walt is no longer in his desk. Mikey and Marisol are blushing and making weird eye contact alternately. 

God, Gabe hates Monday finals.

(Marisol aces the final. Mikey gets a B. After the test, Gabe visits Marisol at her locker. He doesn’t even say anything, he just stands there. Marisol turns the color of her high-tops, slams her locker door instantly, and shouts, “shut up!” before stomping away. When he asks Mikey about it, he just turns white and stares at the floor. Gabe has forgotten that high schoolers are all pretty much puddles. Whoops.)

Tuesday, March 6th- The Intervention Incident

Submitted by Rakeem Rozier

Rakeem admits that he isn’t super good at expressing his feelings. That’s just sort of a weakness that he needs to work more on. It’s why he and Grace work so well together, because she didn’t talk for a long time, and now that she does, it can get a little harder for her to say what she feels. Sometimes they can say stuff without saying stuff, and that’s why Rakeem likes to be with her. It makes more sense.

They made sense right away, and it was fairly easy for both of them to figure out they wanted to be together. 

This is why Rakeem does not understand whatever is going on with Marisol and Mikey. The two smartest people he knows, and yet they can’t figure out that they’re completely gone for each other. And to make matters worse, Marisol is so deep in denial that she’s been making them participate in this stupid study to prove that she doesn’t have any feelings when she really does.

To sum it up, Rakeem is only here because Grace asked him and she said please. He’ll do anything for her, except set foot in a hospital or talk to a clown. 

‘INTERVENTION’ is written in large block letters on the board. Everyone in class has been arranged in a circle, and now they’re just sitting there. Waiting. 

Like he said, Rakeem will do anything for Gracie.

Marisol walks through the door about fifteen minutes of absolute silence later, holding her phone.  “Hey, where’s the emergency? Did someone fall on the tacks Lorenzo glued to the floor?”

“Mari,” Grace intones quietly. “Have a seat. We need to talk.”

Confused, she sits right across from Rakeem-and sees the intervention declaration.

“It’s gone too far,” Walt says solemnly. “You have to end it.” “She doesn’t even know what you’re talking about yet, dude!,” Lorenzo hisses out of the corner of his mouth. “Let Gabe do the intro, and then you can get all emotional and do your thing, okay?”

Mr. Iglesias, who is sitting in a high school sized chair, turns to Marisol. “Okay. So when you proposed the idea of having the entire class participate in a study behind Mikey’s back so you could prove once and for all that you operate above having feelings and that you don’t like him, it seemed like it would peter out in a few days because, well, it is a terrible idea and a really good way to hurt Mikey’s feelings. But it didn’t, and you were serious, and now we have to end it. Now, Walt.”

“You have to end it. It’s gone too far,” Walt pipes up, looking way too proud of himself.

Grace pipes up next. “You need to stop obsessively researching and just talk to Mikey, all right? He likes you, and you clearly like him, and you told me you did when you were high as hell on that anesthesia, so I know you know it.”

“The whole thing is unnecessarily complicated and you gotta just kiss ya boy, girl,” Lorenzo chips in. “Also, Rita couldn’t make it, but she said to tell you to get yourself some of that.”

Marisol looks shell-shocked. “I-I can’t,” she says quietly. “I can’t tell him how I feel. You’re right. The study is over. I’m sorry. It was a dumb idea. But I can’t tell him.”

She gets up and walks out of the room, leaving her backpack and her phone on the chair.

Rakeem’s time has come. “I got this one, y’all. Gracie, you man things here.” He finds her sitting directly outside the door against the wall. “Hey, lady. Why are you being such a downer? Your boy likes you, and he couldn’t be more obvious about it.”

Marisol laughs shakily and rests her head against the wall. “It’s so stupid.”

“Pretty sure it couldn’t be any more stupid than what they tried to do in there. You can tell me, because who am I going to tell?”

“I’m just no good with this stuff,” she confesses after a second. “Math, no problem. Working three jobs, no problem. Dealing with all of my crazy family, I’ve got this. But the second I even think about this, I get scared out of my mind. That probably sounds weirder than anything you’ve ever heard.”

“I’m not good with this stuff either. It’s real scary whenever you open up to someone like that. But if it’s the right person, you can trust them with it. Gracie’s the first person I’ve talked to about stuff like that, and it gets easier. You just have to be as brave as you can, and you’re pretty much the bravest person I’ve ever met.”

Marisol thinks about it for a second. “So I should just-try? Even if it’s really stupid and incoherent?”

“Nah, Gutierrez’ll understand, even if it’s not really understandable. He gets you, ya know?”

When he looks at her again, she has a comically large smile on her face. “You know what to do, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” she confirms, standing up. “I know exactly what to do.”

(Grace gives Rakeem the nicest hug when he goes back in and whispers, ‘nice job’. He can see Marisol power walking in the exact direction of the computer lab. Huh. Maybe he’s better at this feelings stuff than he thought.) 

Friday, March 9th- The Rain Drop Dance

The Rain Drop Dance is stupid. But Marisol has so much riding on tonight she doesn’t have time to worry about being sprayed with a stupid hose by the Student Council during the stupidly inevitable “rain dance” or being forced to pose for stupid pictures with a stupid umbrella.

Currently, she’s pacing the floor in Mr. Iglesias’s room, waiting for Mikey to get there. She hasn’t heard from him since she texted him an hour ago and told him where to meet her. The thick stack of paper in her hands is getting stiff with sweat.

Mikey steps through the door. “Hey, what’s up? You wanted to show me something?”

Okay. Go time. She can do this. 

“Yeah. Here.”

He takes the report and starts to flip through it with a highly bemused expression on his face. 

“Marisol Fuentes most definitely does not have a crush on Mikey Gutierrez: a case study,” he reads aloud. “What? What is this?”

Time to come clean. “So a few months ago everyone was teasing me about liking you, and I swore that I didn’t. And to prove it I made them all do this, where I tried to prove that I didn’t like you, and they tried to prove that I did. It was dumb and really wrong of me to do it without telling you, and a dick move to be this anal about being right all the time while I was that deep in denial. So, I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted. It’s all fine,” he assures her, the tiny hint of disappointment in his voice clear. “This is in depth, you really go all out-wait, in denial?”

“Um, look at the last page,” she says quietly. “The conclusion.”

Mikey takes a couple of seconds to read it to himself, and a gigantic smile spreads across his face. “Seriously? Are you for real?’

She nods. He gives her a high five. “Dude, you like me? That’s...whoa. That’s a lot. Oh, obviously, I like you too, duh. You like me. Holy shit, you like me. The most amazing girl in the world likes me!”

“Okay, I’m not amazing.”

“You wrote a whole report about me! I’m gonna read the whole thing later. After we dance to Umbrella with umbrellas.” “I’ll do it, but only for you. And there’s absolutely no chance you’re reading that.”

(Conclusion: Marisol Fuentes most definitely has a big, fat, stupid crush on Mikey Gutierrez, and she is not at all afraid to admit it.)

This report has been saved on Marisol Fuentes’ desktop and will never be shown to anyone again. The original hard copy given to Mikey Gutierrez during the Rain Drop Dance has disappeared, and although he denies it, it is most definitely hidden somewhere undetermined in his basement.

There it is! Deadlines are my enemy, so it took awhile. I hope you enjoyed this awful sweetness. Also, STREAM MR IGLESIAS ON NETFLIX!!! It’s funny and comforting and diverse and talks about real world issues.

Something based on Stranger Things 3 is hopefully up next. Find me on AO3 as TheGirlWithTheGlasses. There may be some crossposting happening soon as well.

Thanks for making it all the way through the intensely sugary hellscape! See yall next time :)

#Mr Iglesias #marisol x mikey #rakeem x grace #rita x lorenzo x walt #welp this took forever #i am definitely projecting onto marisol #enjoy this stupid rom com feelings soaked drivel #mari and mikey remind me of me and my person and it shows #i regret nothing #send help #must stop tagging

[alitheamateur]

A Taste of Home-Chapter 10

A/N: This feels a bit rushed, and some of you may feel it’s a poor excuse of a chapter. AND, I will humbly agree. Pardon my lack of length, and choppy descriptions, if you will! I’m trying to reel in this stupid case of writer’s block, and this is the best I’ve got right now, ladies and gents.

Warnings: Oral smut. Language. 

The packing. The damned packing, and the repetitious unpacking. It was an all-nighter, ruthless and exhausting with indecisive agony. What in the literal hell did you bring along that said:

“Hello. Love me.”

Your fitful mind balked and fretted with the consideration of turning down Chris and his perfectly agonizing romantic gesture to swiftly wisp you off to the other side of the world because he simply “just really need to fucking see you.” But, you wouldn’t do it. You knew it all along. This was a chance to be with him. Maybe even be with him, and that just purely wasn’t an opportunity you would ever pass up.

You called upon the heavenly angels of beauty in the city to freshen your blonde, pluck nearly every hair on your body, and moisturize your every skin pore with some goop smelling of cucumber and coconut. But, truly. Was there ever enough one could do to really prepare to crawl into bed with a man such as Chris and his glorious, brazenly sexy biceps?

You were rattled by the bell of your 4:00 a.m. alarm, followed by a call from your zealously punctual boy-toy to make sure you were keeping a tight and tidy schedule, and on-time for your flight. You could feel in your bones the smile he wore when he rambled on about airport gates, and cars, and baggage claim.

When you arrived at the terminal, the big, dutiful idiot had of course upgraded you to first-class. Knowing you would never have showed up to begin with had the original ticket stated so. You were tucked into your window seat, situating your bending neck-pillow, and about to flip your cell to airplane mode, when it rattled with a text.

C: I’m fucking stoked you’re coming to see me, Mil. Have a safe flight, and have at least 3 mimosas. I can’t have you being all pissy and jet-lagged by the time you get to me. Although, grumpy, asshole Amelia is one of the cutest versions.

You replied with a simple ‘xo’, and you felt a little squeal course through your veins.

Whether it be the side-effects of the early hour, or the fruitful symptoms of the 3 strong mimosas you downed before your nap, you felt dazed and extremely wobbly when your plane landed at the rainy airport in London. The flight attendant had somehow relayed a message that your driver would be waiting at baggage claim, and you were to go straight to him.

Just as promised, he waited there in his black fitted jeans, and downward tilting baseball cap with your suitcases at his feet. The man was large, wide enough to turn when attempting to clear a doorway, and you were certain he must’ve been a member of Chris’ longtime security team.

He hauled your crammed bags into the hatch of the SUV, sprinting around to catch the handle of the door before you could open it for yourself. No question, Chris had threatened he be on his best, chivalrous behavior when in your presence.

“Miss Calvert, we’re to head directly to set to meet up with Chris. But, is there any stops you need to make on the way?” He asked, a hard Queens lilt to his accent.

“No, thank you. I’m fine! Straight to Chris would be great.”

“Yes, ma’am. He also asked that you call him once we’re en route.” The car slid into a winding lane of traffic.

You dialed, his name the last on your recent call list.

“Ello.” The dork chided in his well-worked English accent.

“Well, I’m buckled into the backseat of some vehicle with a guy who says he knows you. Let’s hope I picked the right driver.”

“Guy? I didn’t send anyone for you.” His voice never hitched.

You gulped down a taste of spilt-second worry. “You fucker. Mess with me and I’ll turn this car around, Evans.”

He barked out that heinous laugh that only you, and his mother could love. “Hey, hey. Settle down, firecracker. Did that flight attendant not liquor you up enough on the way over?”

“I’ll have you know, I obeyed your direct orders and downed 3 the first hour in. I might even be drunk. So, good going there. You trying to take advantage of me, Christopher?” You bit on your chapped lip, just at the hopeful possibility he would do exactly that.

“Why the hell else do you think I flew you across the world, Millie girl? I can’t wait to see if those sweet little cheeks get all blushed when you’re buzzing like they used to get when you got drunk in our basement.”

Sentimental current shell-shocked you to life.

“What?” Was all your racked brain could piece together through the muddle of feelings.  

“Your entire face used to flush like you had been out in the sun for too long. If the cute as a kitten way your words slurred didn’t give it away when you and my sister snuck those wine-coolers, your red little cheeks would have.”

You’d have swallowed him whole if he had been in your presence.

“Anyways, I’ve gotta jump off. Carter is bringing you to set, and my manager will make sure you get settled in my trailer until I’m all finished. Snag a nap, and help yourself to the fridge. But, stay clear of my beer, little lady. You’re cut off.”

“See you soon, handsome.” Your words rolled and squeaked like your head was full of only air.

You were high with the endorphins of Chris Evans, and his constant successes in turning your every bone to mush. You had no utter idea how long you’d been driving, or barely what day it was when you felt the pace of the car slow into a gated lot. You were waved through by security, and you fidgeted for a compact inside your purse to fuss with your smudged eyeliner and fading foundation. 

You whispered a prayer as you climbed the noisy steps bolted to his trailer, that maybe he would be finished with the duties of his day already so you could be at the center of his attention, but found your wishes ungranted.

It was silent in the metal tin can, little traces of the so very loveable dork sprinkled throughout. It smelled of him, the crumbled t-shirt on the floor next to the hat hanging from a doorknob made you smile. Although he wasn’t palatably present, this was the closest to him you had felt in the past days.

You flopped to the couch after grabbing yourself a water from the fridge, and a handful of the jellybean bag half-empty on his table.

A: The eagle has landed.

Kicking off your shoes, tucking your manicured toes beneath you, text bubbles of a reply from Chris appeared.

C: The best news I’ve heard all week. Be there when I can, Millie.

…

A strong doze had apparently taken over, and a hazy dream of his watercolor eyes drowned your consciousness. You could almost smell the thick aroma of his peppermint and musk scent, and the wind of his coffee laced breath tangling with your eyelashes.

Long, lean, worked fingers felt like an imaginary embrace around the nape of your soft throat, and there was a suckle of popping wetness meeting the heartbeat there.

“Wake up, sleeping beauty.” Your bones absorbed the reverberation of his rattling voice, and the sweet dream was indeed the most pleasing moment of reality.

“Sleeping beauty, huh?” You kept your eyes sealed, smiling against your will. “Well, if that’s so, I guess you’ll have to kiss me, right? You know how it goes, Evans. Disney would be so disappointed in you right now.”

His familiar laugh delighted your every sense, and when he kissed you, you were convinced that happiness had a taste, and it was the minty prickle of Chris’ fleshy lips.  

There was a pressing situation soliciting the hotness of your sex, and already the both of you were ripe with desire. As the tip of his tongue licked at yours, your eyes rolled back into your head meeting the euphoria of being ravished by the man you loved. Whether he loved you back, or not…

Lightening heat and possessed passion instantly took over, and you were maneuvering out from beneath the blanket of his muscled weight on top of you, to mount his lap.

“Woah. What’s gotten into you, Millie girl?” He wheezed with brows uplifted in shock, yet satisfaction.

“Are you complaining?” Your teeth bit into his jaw, the friction of his auburn shaded whiskers chaffed your lips.

“By all means, baby, have at it. You don’t know how much I’ve been thinking about you.”

There were many ways to say ‘I missed you’, but in the midst of the dampness collecting in your underwear, there was only one way to squander the fire you were feeling after being without him all those months.

Gasoline.

Makes sense, right?

The tight, elastic waistband of his sweats popped as you writhed and shuffled to unwrap the ribbed fullness inside the soft fleece. His breaths were shallow, and the rhythm reeked of unraveling, making you smile behind your lips a little. Chris’ held for dear life on the pillows resting in each corner of the couch, his nails clawing at the seams of the fabric.

“Lose that shirt, Evans.” Your throat was thorny, like your taste buds were trying to punish you until they got a drop of his flavor. Tugging downward on his boxers, he lifted to help you undress him, while pulling out of the collar of his t-shirt.

You know, the way every man does, and women worldwide lose their entire shit?

When his boxers hit his ankles, you beheld what you’d been missing while he was away. Recollection of the night you had talked him through his release over the phone while climaxing on his sheets swelled your pupils, your world going dark with lust now that you were able to feel him between your fists.

His thighs tensed under your palms when you looked up at him with eyes pained of overloading need, and his scruffy chest shook with the traces of a chuckle.

“Amelia Calvert. Never did I ever thi-“

Before he could sour the moment with some trip down fucking memory lane, you swallowed him to the hilt. You felt his whole body shift to stone, totally rigid like even his blood had calcified to a solid state. His head fell back, not a hair on his gorgeous head knocked out of place. You counted as you gulped around his cock, and Chris held his breath for precisely 22 seconds. His eyes shifted behind screwed shut lids, and you wondered if he had simply forgotten how to breath.

“You alright up there, handsome?” You purred, emptying your mouth of his impressive size for not a moment longer than necessary.

“I’m… Fuck. Yeah, baby. More… More than alright, Mills.”

What a sight he was for your fluttering eyes. Sculpted pecks unevenly flexing from his jerks of pleasure when your throat contracted around him. The outline of his picturesque abs had softened, but as you trailed your tickling fingers down his torso, you felt the hardness of a healthy, well-exercised man.

When your eyes would close, concentrating on milking away the stress of his day, he would breeze a finger through the lashes resting on the highest peak of your cheek. The squeaks and hiccupped mutters sliding off his lips made your head hurt with arouse, and you were sure if he didn’t finish soon, you’d be kneeling in your own mess beneath you.

“I’m almost fucking there, Amelia. Damn, baby. Look at me, will ya’?”

You had already concluded he had liked the angelic-like expression of your wild-hair framing your cheeks, and a dopey, wet-mouthed grin watching up at him. So, you tightened the lippy vice around his length, and bat your glassy, lidded eyes.

His back arched inward, and his damp palms latched onto the sides of your face as he leaned up to almost lunge for a kiss. When your tongue slurped and slid back and forth around his tip, and your grip around his base strengthened, Chris Evans blew all working circuits in his brain.

His beard with waxy with sweat, and his unclothed chest was blotched with redness and the glisten of an overdue orgasm. You dipped your head to clean your face in secret for a moment, and he was easily tugging at your hair.

“Don’t you hide that gorgeous face from me.” He combed back his now loosened, un-styled hair, words lagging in ecstasy.

You’d taken him like a desperate trollop, and truthfully, you’d felt a bit cheap now that the act was done. But the way he smiled at you, and swiped his thumb under your eyes to clean up the little smears of makeup there made the moments after a little better.

“I wasn’t expecting that, you know…”

“Good. And, neither was I, for the record.”

His discarded shirt was balled around his knuckles as he dried off the perspiration leaking out of his skin, then he stood to redress himself when you found a seat on the couch.

“Well, keeping taking me by surprise like that, Calvert, and I just may have to return the favor sooner rather than later.” He kissed you with spit-slicked lips and groped around the stretch of your throat gingerly.

The way you had gone at him in only the first hour of being in his presence had you anticipating the many, many surprises that would unfold over the next three days while he had you across the world globe, all to himself.  

TAGS: @miidailyinspiration @spideypxgirl @eap1935 @mollybegger-blog @littleluna98 @firstangeldragonranch @chrisevansforever 

#Chris Evans #chrisevans #chris evans x ofc #chris evans fanfiction #chrisevansfanfic #christopher evans #fanfiction #fanfic #cevans

[crashdevlin]

Doc and Sir 1- What Are We Waiting For?

Doc and Sir Masterlist

Author’s Note: Written for @spnkinkbingo, filling my Dom!Sam square

Summary: Y/n had a crush on Sam at Stanford, but she was sure he’d never look at her because of her weight. When he walks into her ER eleven years after the fire in his apartment, he reveals she’s actually more his type than she would have thought: sweet, innocent and corruptible.

Pairing(s): Sam X Plus size!Reader

Word Count: 4382

Warnings: Dom/sub training, bondage, oral (male rec), 18+ HERE BE SEX DON’T READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!!  protected sex, fingering,

Wanna enhance your fanfic experience? Get Sam’s hydrosol from @scentsfromthebunker

When he walked into your ER, your breath caught. He was unmistakable. Dressed to kill in a dark blue suit, but under it? Sam Winchester, with the light fluffy hair and the brilliant hazel eyes and the smile that felt like sunshine. Sam Winchester, who disappeared not too long after the fire in his apartment, who obviously couldn't handle coming back to Stanford after Jessica Moore passed. Sam Winchester, who you had the biggest crush on and never knew you existed. You had three classes with him in ‘02-‘03 and you spent every class trying not to stare at him. He was never going to notice a woman like you. You had a hundred pounds on any of the women you'd seen him turning that smile on for.

“Hi, I'm looking for Dr. Y/l/n,” he said, walking up to you.

“That's me. How can I help you?” You didn't let on that you knew who he was, but you couldn't help the way your eyebrows shot up at the FBI badge he presented you.

“I'm Agent Simmons. I wanted to talk to you about a patient you saw last month and- what?” You shook your head. You didn't want to call him on it. “Wait. Y/n? Y/n y/l/n? From Stanford?”

You blinked at him several times. He knew who you were? “Yes? You remember me, Sam?”

“English II, Art History and Pre-calc, right?” He gave you that bright smile.

“Uh, yeah. You, um, change your last name when you went into the Bureau, Winchester?”

He chuckled, a bit nervously. “Um, it’s not… Winchester’s a distinctive name, so…”

“So you go by ‘Simmons’. Okay.” That still didn’t make much sense, but you’d let him lie if he kept smiling at you like that. “So, Agent Simmons, what patient did you need to talk to me about?”

Sam launched into questions about a man who’d come in with an infected dog bite on his leg. You gave him all the info you could while adhering to HIPAA regulations, but you could see that it wasn’t what he wanted to know. “Well, thank you, y/n. It was, you know, it was great to see you again. A blast from my past.”

“Yeah, you got me wanting to go grab a coffee from the Co Ho and hit the library,” you joked.

“Well, I can’t help you with that, but I could take you for coffee.”

You looked up into his bright hazel eyes, shock filling you. “What?”

“Or, you know, dinner if you’d prefer. I… I haven’t gotten to talk to anybody from The Farm in years. When’s the end of your shift?”

“Uh… I get off at eleven… a little late for dinner.”

“But not too late for coffee at the diner across the street,” he said, a hopeful tinge to his words.

“Make it a beer at the bar on the next block over and you’re on.”

“Pick you up at eleven?”

“Make it eleven-fifteen. I never get out of here on time.”

He smiled and nodded. “See you tonight, doc.” You bit your lip as you watched him walk away. He sure did get big. Those wide shoulders and thick arms barely contained in that suit… oh, what a lot of difference a decade made.

You shook your head. He was just happy to see a familiar face. There was no way he was interested in anything except nostalgia. You remembered, vividly, what Jessica Moore looked like. You remembered the tall brunette in Pre-calculus who always wore mini-skirts and the redhead you saw him making out with at a frat party the year before he met Jessica. Sam Winchester didn’t fuck with fat chicks.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“I remember, once, I was jogging the trail around Lake Lag and you were just laying in the mud with your headphones on, dead to the world.”

“I remember that!” You laughed. “It was Dead Week, man! I was out of it. I think I was running on, like, four hours of sleep over the whole week and I went for a walk to clear my head and I tripped into the lake and just… couldn’t be bothered to get out.”

“Well, you looked comfortable.” Sam pulled his beer to his lips.

“Yeah. I think I fell asleep in the mud, the dulcet tones of American Idiot in my ears.” You laughed, shaking your head. “You know, I honestly didn’t think you even knew my name, Sam. The fact that you recognized me in the mud and remembered it?”

“Of course, I knew your name. You were the smartest girl in class… in all of the classes we shared,” he said, smiling. You opened your mouth to argue with him. “You know, I always thought you didn't like me, or something.”

Your eyebrows scrunched together. “Why would you think that?”

“You never talked to me!” he exclaimed. “Not even in class discussions. You always kinda talked around me. And you glared a lot.”

“I wasn't glaring, Sam.”

“Yes, you were.”

“You’re hot. I was staring, not glaring.”

He smiled, pushing his hair behind his ears. “You shoulda said something, y/n.”

“Why? You weren't giving me a second look in a sea of sorority girls in short skirts. Brady tried to get me to talk to you a couple weeks after he dropped pre-med, but I figured he was just fucking with me.” You shrugged, not missing the fact that Sam tensed at the mention of his old best friend. “I mean, I could tell he was high when he suggested it and it wouldn't have been the first time someone set me up to fail with a hot guy just to get a laugh outta the fat chick who doesn't know her own league.”

“I didn't know you knew Brady,” he said, tightly.

“Yeah, we were both pre-med, had the same Advisors. I mean, ‘til he dropped out.” You kept it to yourself that you knew Jess, too. Better to keep the topic on something lighter. “I thought we were okay ‘til he came to me, hopped up on whatever he was taking, and said I was just your type and that I should let him set us up on a date. Knew he was an asshole after that… and of course, he went to work for big pharma after so that's a confirmation of his place in hell.”

“You have no idea,” Sam said under his breath. He put his hand up for another round of beers and licked his lips. “But he was right. You were just my type.”

“What? Every chick I ever saw you with was a stick with tits, Sam.”

He laughed, visibly relaxing. “What?!”

“Ya know, huge chest, tiny waist, long legs? The triangle body type, not the… what would call this?” You gestured at yourself. “Apple? Pear?”

“I'd call it a thick hourglass and it’s sexy as hell.” He smirked at the way your eyes went wide and looked away from his. “But I think it was more your personality type Brady was focused on, y/n.”

“W-what about my personality?”

Sam rested his gigantic hand over your denim-covered knee and smiled, but this smile didn’t feel like warm sunshine. This one was a wildfire threatening to burn you up. “Brady knew I liked sweet girls. Shy, innocent, pure ones that I could corrupt.”

You tried to swallow, but it seemed Sam’s fire had burned up every bit of moisture in you except what was leaking onto your panties, because your mouth was suddenly dry. “Sara Parsons wasn’t any of that,” you somehow managed to say with a steady voice.

Sam smirked. “I didn’t date Sara Parsons. I just let her give me a blow job at a Delta party… and she didn’t even do that well. I wasn’t gonna reward her by fucking her, let alone dating her.”

“Fucking her would’ve been a reward?” you asked, quietly.

He nodded. “And I don’t reward poor performance.”

His words made your pussy clench around nothing. It all seemed a bit kinky; talk of corrupting pure girls, sexual rewards for how well they pleasured him… but what would you know about it? You hadn’t had a boyfriend since the summer before you went off to Stanford and nothing kinky, or even remotely satisfying, happened on his Star Wars bed sheets. The guy who used you as stress relief during your residency didn’t do any better. Vanilla was too exciting of a flavor to describe your sex life thus far.

Your sex life was flour.

“You know what I like about you, doc?” You shrugged and he squeezed your knee. “Even all these years later, you’re still innocent, still sweet.”

For some reason, you weren’t offended by the assertion. Somehow, it turned you on that he saw you that way, but you had to correct him. “Wasn’t innocent at Stanford, Sam.”

“I didn’t say ‘virginal’. Common mistake, but not the same thing.” He ran his hand up from your knee to settle on your thigh and leaned closer to your ear. “You can’t even imagine all the things I wanna do to you, y/n, and that is innocence.”

You took a deep breath to calm your pounding heart rate and suddenly heavy breaths. “Tell me.” It came out a panting whisper.

He pulled back, smiling. His hazel eyes were dark with lust. “Can’t just tell you, y/n. Let me take you home and I’ll show you.”

You stood, on suddenly shaky legs, and grabbed your purse from the back of your chair. “What are we waiting for?”

~~~~~~~~~

“Are you nervous?” Sam asked as you pressed the button in the elevator that would take you to your floor.

“Kind of. Yeah,” you answered, honestly.

“Don’t worry. We’ll start soft.” Sam pulled you back against his chest, wrapping his arms around you.

“You’re not gonna hurt me, are you?”

“Not unless you want me to. I think you’d probably want to work up to that.” You nodded. “You ever given it a thought, though?”

“Pain? Yes. I’m a doctor. I think about pain a lot.”

He chuckled. “I’m talking about sex and pain, y/n. Have you ever thought about someone spanking you?”

“Not since I was a child, actively trying to avoid it.”

“Maybe next time.” He squeezed you as the elevator doors opened. You led him down the hall to your apartment and unlocked it.

You dropped your keys in the bowl on the table just inside the doorway and hung your coat and purse on the hooks on the other side of it. “You want a drink?”

Sam closed the door behind him and grabbed your hand. Your breath caught as he grabbed your face in both hands and leaned his face down to yours. You could feel his breath on your lips, but you were focused on his eyes. “What I want is for you to go to your bedroom and take off all of your clothes and lie on your bed and don’t move. Can you do that for me, y/n?” You nodded, slowly. “Good girl. You keep being good and you’ll see how I reward good girls.”

He smirked as he stepped back from you, releasing your face. You blinked at him a few times before shaking yourself out of whatever trance he put you in and turning on your heel to walk toward your bedroom. You kicked your sneakers off into the corner, pulling your t-shirt off over your head and unbuttoning your jeans. You didn’t know where Sam was, he hadn’t followed you to the bedroom. Something told you he wanted to see if you’d follow directions without eyes on you. So, you did exactly as you were told. You stripped to your skin, lied on your bed, crossed your legs and placed your hands, with your fingers entwined, over your stomach… and you waited.

As minutes ticked by, your anticipation grew, a knot twisting in your stomach. When Sam walked in, you wanted to look at him, but you didn’t. He said not to move. “Damn. Look at you.” He approached the bed and put his hand on your ankle. “You know how hot you look, y/n?” He ran his hand up your leg, his touch feather-light, twisting his fingers to skim along the inside of your thigh, but skipping over the place you wanted him to touch. His fingertips drew circles around your nipple and you couldn’t hold in the gasp, immediately stiffening about the noise. “I want to hear you, y/n. I never said to be quiet, did I?”

“No.”

His face went stern. “I want you to call me ‘sir’. Can you do that, y/n?”

“Yes, sir,” you whispered. At least he didn’t want you to call him ‘Daddy’... but you probably would if he requested it.

“Good girl.” His hand continued its trek up your body, dipping along your collarbone and wrapping very lightly around your neck. His hand was so large that only the part of your neck in contact with the pillow was kept from contact with his palm. You whined, flushing at the thought that he could easily choke you out with one hand. Sam smirked down at you. “We’ll come back to that.”

His thumb swept across your jawline and up to your lips. “Open,” he commanded and your jaw dropped immediately. He pushed his thumb into your mouth and you stuck your tongue out to lick tentatively at the pad of his thumb. You were rewarded with a groan, which emboldened you to close your lips around his digit and suck lightly. You watched his eyes close as you continued sucking and laving your tongue across his thumb. It filled you with pride. “Y/n…” He pulled away and stepped back, hands going to his belt buckle. “On your knees, sweetheart.”

He pointed to the carpet at his feet and you rolled off of your mattress. You crawled the few feet to the area he indicated and looked up at him. He seemed even taller from that position. He moved slowly as he undid his belt, each motion exaggerated and overblown, slow and torturous. He popped the button and dragged the zipper down. “You know how to earn your reward, don’t you, y/n?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Tell me.”

“I have to give you a blow job better than Sara Parsons gave you, sir.”

He chuckled. “That’s not hard, sweetheart. No, I think that you need to aim a bit higher than just better than Sara. You need to suck my cock like your life depends on it.” You swallowed and nodded. “Say it. Say ‘Yes, sir, I’ll suck your cock like my life depends on it’.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll suck your cock like my life depends on it.”

“Good girl.” He smiled as he dragged his jeans and boxers down his thighs. Your eyes went wide when his cock bounced free. No wonder Sara had trouble, it was huge. You licked your lips and leaned forward, your mouth watering a little. “Well, what are you waiting for?”

You wrapped your hand around the base and opened your mouth, giving the head a kitten lick. He hissed through his teeth and you ran your tongue along the thick vein on the underside. You took him in your mouth, analyzing how every motion made him react as the head slid across your tongue toward the back of your throat. You stopped short of gagging yourself, wrapped your lips around the velvet skin and pulled back. You bobbed your head a few times, taking him just to the brink of your limits and pulling back to the head, before you surged forward, taking in as much as you could, past your gag reflex kicking in, until the head was nestled in your throat.

His hands both came to grasp at your head, holding you in place for several seconds. He pulled back long enough to let you breathe before thrusting back into your throat. “Fuck! You are…” He grunted, low in chest, as he twisted his hands in your hair. You could tell he was holding back the desire to tug, but he didn’t hold back fucking your throat. Once you got his rhythm down, timing your breaths and swallowing when he was in your throat, you started running your fist up and down the base of him that wouldn’t fit in your mouth, the mucus-thick saliva from your esophagus a perfect lubricant for your touch.

He almost growled as he pulled back, pushing your head away from him. You looked up at him, panting breaths making your whole body sway. “W-was that… was it good… sir?”

“You did so good, baby. Go ahead and untie my boots.” You leaned forward and did as he told you, untying and loosening his bootlaces. “Now stand up and take my shirt off.” Your legs were numb from being down on your knees for so long, but you jumped up to your feet and eagerly started to unbutton his flannel. You bit your lip as you revealed his tanned, muscular chest and you whimpered when his abs showed themselves. You ran your hands up and pushed the fabric off of his shoulders and he let it slide down his arms to drop to the floor behind him.

He stepped out of his boots and jeans and quickly toed his socks off before reaching out and wrapping his right hand around the back of your neck, yanking you forward. You braced yourself by grabbing his forearm as he spun the two of you around and walked you toward your bed. “I’m going to tie you to your headboard, y/n. You’ve been a good girl and you’re going to get your reward, but you’re going to be restrained, understand me?”

You nodded, excitedly, the thought of being completely at Sam's mercy sending shockwaves through your body. “Yes, sir.”

Sam smirked. “Looks like someone likes the thought of being completely powerless.” He pushed you to the bed and stepped toward your closet. “The Intro Psych class I took makes me say it’s a control issue. You spend all day with people’s lives in your hands, having to be in complete control of yourself and everything happening around you, so there must be something intoxicating about just letting it all go, right?”

“Wouldn’t know, sir. Never get to let it go.”

Sam plucked a scarf from a hanger and pulled it taut, testing its strength. When it passed his test, he turned around. “Lie down, hands above your head.” You did as you were told, pressing your hands together like you were praying. He ran his finger along the seam where your palms touched and smirked. “Good girl. Didn’t even have to tell you.”

You smiled. “I’ve seen a few movies.” He raised an eyebrow. “Sorry. I’ve seen some movies, sir.”

He ran the scarf under and around your wrists, twisting and tightening the bind. “What kind of movies, y/n? You like watching other women get tied up?” You nodded. Being tied up had always appealed to you, even before you had people’s lives in your hands, you just hadn’t ever been able to indulge the fantasy. “So, you like being powerless, but you don’t want to be hurt. We’ll have to work on that, y/n, because I would love to mark you up.” He ran the bind up to your headboard and tied it tightly, yanking to make sure it was secure.

He looked down at you, smiling that wildfire smile again that sent a shiver up your spine, and placed his hands on your collarbone. “Ligature marks…” He started to run his hands down your body. “And handprints…” He took your breast in his hands and rolled them against his palms, making you whimper. “And bite marks…” He lightly tweaked your nipples before moving on. “Bruises on your thighs, or maybe on your neck.”

His left hand dipped between your legs and you eagerly spread your thighs. You moaned loudly when the tips of his fingers rubbed down your slit. “Fuck, you are so wet, y/n. Is this from being tied up, or is it from choking on my cock?” You started to answer, but he slipped his thick middle finger in your pussy so all that came out was a strangled moan. Sam gave an airy chuckle as he started to pump the finger in and out of you. “Come on. Answer me, y/n. What’s got you so slick, baby?”

“You, sir. Everything about you.”

He smiled and added a second finger. “You’re so responsive. It’s gonna be so easy to make you cum.” You whined and he flicked his thumb across your clit, making your body jerk. “But I don’t want you to cum, yet. I want to see how long you can hold it back. Can you do that? Can you hold it back?”

You bit your lip. You hadn’t ever tried to stop an orgasm. That was the point of sex, even solo, wasn’t it? “I-I don’t know, b-but I’ll try, sir.”

“Good girl.” He added a third finger and scissored them open, preparing you to take his massive cock. “Do you have any condoms or do I have to dig one out of my jacket?”

“Yes, sir. Side table, buried in the back.” He kept his fingers inside of you as he leaned his long body over to jerk the drawer open and shove his hand past your lotions and errant jewelry and many, many pens to pull out a strand of condoms. He ripped the top one off, threw the others on top of the side table, then pulled the condom open with his teeth. He curled his fingers against your inner walls, dragging them along that special patch as he pulled them out. He took his time rolling the condom up his shaft, making you squirm in anticipation. “Please, Sa- sir. Please.”

He smirked and knelt down between your legs, pushing your knees wide and running the tip of his cock from your clit to your entrance. “I know you don’t want pain, baby, but this next part’s gonna hurt. No avoiding it.”

He wasn’t lying. Even with him preparing you, even with how wet you were and a lubricated condom, the way he stretched your pussy was painful… but you liked it. Even after he gave you time to get used to it, it hurt… until he started to roll his hips. There was no pain once his cock started the push and pull, just pleasure. He moved slowly at first, leaning back to watch himself disappear into your pussy, but it wasn’t long before he was draped over your body, fucking into you with abandon.

“I-I can’t… sir, please, I… I can’t… I’m gonna…” you babbled, tugging at the scarf, feeling a need to touch him.

“Don’t,” he grunted into your ear.

“But I… I can’t…”

“Yes. You can. Just a little longer, baby.” You closed your eyes tight and tried to take deep breaths but every time he thrust into you, he pushed the breath from your lungs in a loud moan.

“Fuck, please, please, please, please…” He slammed his hips forward, making you scream as his cockhead rammed against your cervix, before pulling back to do it again.

“Now. Cum.”

Your vision behind your eyelids filled with multicolored stars, your body going rigid as the most powerful orgasm of your life spread like fire through your nerves. Sam must’ve been right on edge, too, because the fluttering of your vaginal walls made him groan and spill his cum into the condom. You rolled your eyes as you tried to get your eyelids to cooperate, trying to look at Sam as he sat up and pulled out of you. The condom was quickly discarded and the scarf released from the headboard with a deft flick of his fingers.

Sam flopped to the bed next to you, both of you panting heavily and covered in a thin sheen of sweat. “So… am I allowed to call you ‘Sam’ again?” you asked, looking at him from the corner of your eye.

His chuckle shook the bed. “Yeah. I'll tell you when I wanna hear ‘sir’ again.” He turned on his side and took your wrist in his hand. “You okay?”

You nodded. You were more than okay. You felt great. Amazing sex, with your university crush who happened to have become this Adonis in the interim? ‘Okay’ was definitely not a strong enough word for it. “I should’ve talked to you… in college, I should’ve talked to you. I shouldn’t have shut Brady down so quick.”

“You have a thing about your weight. It’s understandable… and Brady was… an evil prick. And it was good for you that you shot him down.” He dropped your wrist and buried his fingers in your hair. “If you had talked to me, I probably would’ve fallen for you and you would have been the one in that fire. So… for you and everyone whose lives you’ve saved since you’ve been a doctor, it’s better you didn’t.”

“Sam…” You trailed off as you looked into his eyes. Thinking about Jessica had filled them with sadness.

“You’re still my type, doc.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours, his fingertips gripping your scalp tightly. You rested your hands on his chest and leaned into it, opening your mouth to let him snake his tongue in.

“How long are you in town?” you whispered when he pulled away from the kiss.

“I'm not sure.”

“Can we do this again before you leave?”

Sam smiled. “What do you work tomorrow?”

“I'm off… on call, but off.”

“Lucky us. Me, too. We can do this again all day tomorrow. Assuming you don't get called in.”

You chuckled, pressing your lips to his before snuggling into his chest. “Someday, you’ll have to tell me what you really do for a living, Sam, because… I know a fake badge when I see one.”

He ran his fingers through your hair and pulled your bed sheet over your bodies. “Always were the smartest girl in the class, doc.”

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