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thisdogpaystaxes · 1 year

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i need u to come forward

i am listening to peripheral vision by turnover and i'm so fucking high and i know what you are saying and i am enamored. not that you'd listen to this album idrk your music always surprises me for some reason its exciting and the cutest thing. theres only two people this could be and i feel like you also would be sweet enough to randomly check my blog some time bc i mention it a lot bc it feels good to think and i'll read it when the time is right maybe.

im going insane a lot of this feels like im the most defensive human being on earth and i need to explain a lot. YES!

the kind of high where you can just fucking eat a bagel wit nothing. not even a little toast.

i was in my bathroom just peeing and i'm like really high and i'm getting over a really big cry i had to myself in my room like i was literally N O T! okay. nothing to talk about i just had a rly cute hypochondriac moment and freaked out xD this edible is fucking freaking me out. so like you know whatim feelingdude. the downplay is placed above this and im so sorry it took so long for you to get to the point, but im allowing myself to organize my thoughts so this will be direct at one point and wait i should test this. but also i need to THINK because im high and this is my diary and i want to think and im okay with people seeing what i think bc quite frankly i am always always thinking and working through shit and i understand people in weird ways.

back to the thing that u did.

i was pissing and i looked in my shower. so PINK. but it wasnt.. two days prior. flashback to my first shower when i got home from san diego and i was like, "shit this shower is not real." i was also high. maybe i am fucking insane. no i'm not no no no. lets talk. talk to me!!!!!

all of my bottles were slightly different. and the water felt different. i had an exquisite shower. and i didn't wash the pink off until after i shaved and exfoliated and washed my face and sighed and thought about why life is pain. i realized the shower was getting a little pinker and i ignored it. and duringthepart when i was fucking grabbing my shampoo, i noticed the shampoo i always keep in the corner because i only use it to wash my bangs and i did the day i left only. S showered after me and cleaned my bathroom once but it all got fucked because we had a party and got drunk and had a 9/11 in there so it was all cleaned while being an ineberiated vessel. L also is at my place a lot and she likes to clean.

so come forward. that is the fucking most beautiful thing and i literally can't explain to you how insane that is and i love you. but also if there was maybe someone in my apartment bc i actually had left a door open or someone did and i didnt notice? this is deflection i need to shut UP THATS FOR LATER FOR YOU

why did you rearrange all of my bottles when you knew iwouldn't see. i had a fucking social battery 9/11 that i needed to recover from like i needed to shower. you know i like being alone and that the shower is intimate. IT WAS HIDDDDDEEN.

it was really cute and i love you and i need to know who you are. like i cried my eyes out. it meant the world to me to see that. because its such a big message to do that to someone, and you know i personally wouldn't mind that in my shower. you know you're so fucking welcome to do that and theres ONLY TWO OF YOUS!!!!!

if it was anyone else i would probably sleep in a pool of vomit for a week

i dont know how to ask because i know this is a code thing but also im getting a little less high and im going to second guess this, but thats like intimate??? im not crazy. also if for some reason you both said yes id get violent......

i need to eat my sweet treat and watch degrassi, and you know i love you because im spending my. valuable alone time, before watching degrassi, to just decipher who it is because it was just gorgeous. am i crazy for being moved right now......... or do u get me. like u get it. i need to eat this croissant. idk how to ask this ill figure it out i need to digest my existence more. thanks that was cute like literally the e basis is like you cleaned my bathroom but like no you organized it like you would and that's cute i love seeing that i like that

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theonlygamergost · 4 years

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French homework and a Dream - fd!au. ( part 1 / 2)

This fanfiction is based on the Family Dynamic au made by @antarctic-bay ctic-bay if you would like to know more, go check them out!!!

Also please bear in mind that the things written in this might not be canon!

This fic was corrected by the lovely @im-default

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Techno and Dream did the fatal mistake of choosing French over Spanish and now they have to suffer the consequences together

next part --->

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Enjoy~

Lunch break was sacred for Techno, it was that magic moment where he sat at a table alone, in the corner of the cafeteria with a book of his choice to read and block out the chaos of the fellow students. You know what they say: if you can't find peace, create your peace.

With lo-fi music or classical piano in his ears, he would peacefully eat his lunch, recharging his social energy (already consumed in the first half of the day) by not talking nor seeking company. Even though, from time to time, he would get some visitors:

One of his brothers could drop by if they needed to talk to him or they were also already feeling exhausted, Skeppy would also sit with him and try to initiate conversations, in vain since Techno ends up ignoring him unless he needed something important.

All in all, Techno didn’t allow anyone to disturb or interrupt his moment of peace, neither he liked sharing his book or music with anyone…

Well, anyone apart from Dream.

In between the rivalry for the smartest kid and best (nerd) Minecraft pvp-er, the two had started frequenting now and then, maybe studying at the library together or grabbing a bite after school before parting ways, all in all, they found to have a similar love for quiet company and taste in music.

So, to see Dream sit next to Techno, steal one of his earbuds, and tug the book a little closer for him to read as well wasn’t rare, but a treat to see.

“TALK TO ME TECHNO!!!” Skeppy had been trying to get his friend’s eyes off of the book for about five minutes or so, just to get completely denied by an unbothered and concentrated face. “Techno pleaseee!!!! I need attention!” his head fell on the table, “...I can tell” he finally replied while turning the page.

Skeppy groaned and went on bothering him for another five minutes.

Techno sighed, “Can’t you go bother someone else?” Skeppy was about to complain again, but a familiar laugh made the both of them stop and look at the direction it came from, “You’re so needy Skeppy”.

The boy in the green hoodie placed his tray next to Techno’s, leaving his backpack on the seat next to him, “YEAH! And this stupid pig isn’t giving me any attention!!!” after a second of silence they all giggled at Techno being addressed as “Pig”, something that only Skeppy could get away with. Not even Dream could call him that without either a complaint or a casual roast coming from the other teen as a consequence.

“Have you studied for tomorrow’s French test?” He took a bite of… whatever the cafeteria had made that day, he couldn’t really tell since it was so… revolting-looking, but it didn’t taste that bad and Dream was pretty hungry. Skipping breakfast was a habit of his so whatever he could eat at lunch was fine by him, it just needed to fill him up until the end of the day.

“Nah… I can’t remember some of the verbs, let alone when and how to use them” he replied before sipping on some water, “Same… some words are unpronounceable too… “ Dream and Techno both made the grave mistake of choosing French over Spanish as a second language, Techno made a very bad first impression with the teacher and Dream overslept three lessons in a month, let’s say that if they didn’t do good on this test… they could kiss goodbye a good French overall vote at the end of the year.

Skeppy exploded in a loud laugh, banging one of his fists on the table meanwhile holding his stomach, “Sucks to be you!” they sighed in defeat, Skeppy got convinced into choosing Spanish by a friend so he couldn’t relate to their problems since legends told that the Spanish teacher was a very nice person.

“I’ll leave you two to your nerdy problems, later losers!” Dream told him goodbye meanwhile Techno simply waved.

The blonde boy stretched his arms and grabbed both his phone and diary out of the backpack, flipping through it he nudged the other boy lightly, “We only have French for tomorrow… wanna study together?” Techno hummed a reply as the blondie took one of his earbuds, Techno reacted with a question: “Want to study at the library or..?” Dream’s head tilted, “Or what? We don’t have another place to study” Techno furrowed his brows for a second, “Well… no, you’re right”.

The reply made Dream curious, but he limited himself to finishing his meal in silence, enjoying the quiet company until the bell rang.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s already six pm?! We haven’t even finished memorizing this stuff!” Dream groaned in frustration while Techno just dropped his head on the book in front of him, they had been studying for two hours interrupted only by a bathroom break, and they weren’t even half-way done with their homework.

“This will be the only low grade on my paper this year…” the low murmur was muffled by the fact that Techno’s head was still slumped on the books, “Oh come on…”, Dream rubbed out the tiredness from his eyes, “I know that I won’t get anything done once I get back home, my ADHD goes crazy when I’m studying French… it knows I don’t want to study it so it makes me think about everything but that!”, the blonde boy chuckled, “I can never focus when It’s French too…”

Well, that was a slump, both of them knew that going part-ways wasn’t going to work… If they wanted a decent grade they had to have a study partner.

So Techno took a shot in the dark.

“Ok listen, I’ve got a plan: come sleep over at my place, my desk it’s a bit messy but if I throw everything on the ground we’ll fit, you can’t eat dinner with us because Phil already cooked it and it’s not enough for five people, it’s not enough- but we can go eat somewhere”.

Dream froze in genuine shock: he had never gone to the Pandel house, nor he had ever been invited by Techno anywhere really, he was usually the one that asked him to grab a bite together, Techno only ever asked him to study, and that was already pretty rare. So getting such an out-of-nowhere invitation to eat together AND sleep at his house was… very surprising.

“Uhh… sure, can I borrow a shirt to sleep in?” Techno nodded, “Well then… should we go eat now so that we have more time to study later?” Techno nodded again and they started packing up their stuff, grabbing books and pencils that scattered on the table while studying.

“McDonald’s?” Dream proposed, “McDonald’s” Techno replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, they were crunching on some fries, Techno texted the Pandel chat about Dream sleeping over, Phil agreed almost instantly, telling Techno where he could get some blankets and an additional pillow, the problems were Wilbur and Tommy that didn’t like the idea of having Dream in their house, (because they had a Minecraft server where they and Dream had a bit of a… “difference” of opinions…) but Techno told them to cry about it and closed the chat, reassuring the boy in the green hoodie that he could spend the night with him.

On their way home, Techno had noticed by reading the notifications that the Berry brothers had proposed a last-minute movie night, to which the other Pandel’s agreed, already counting Techno off, so it wasn’t a surprise that they met Wilbur and Tommy leaving when they arrived.

“I’m glad we are leaving, two tryhards together must be a revolting sight” Wilbur adjusted his coat as Tommy tied his laces, “I’m glad you guys are leaving too, we really need to study and my desk is a bit small, we can use the kitchen until you come back” Dream stifled a giggle, the passive-aggressive energy the Pandel had when speaking to each other was very entertaining, Techno turned to him and pointed at the clothes hanger behind the door, “Put your jacket there, oh and don’t forget to take your shoes off, I’ll get you a pair of slippers, Eret’s one should fit you”

He opened the closet to almost disappear in it, “Bye big D! Have fun with TechnoNerd!” Dream cringed at Tommy’s goodbye while Wilbur snickered at it, “Bye… and please don’t call me that ever again”

The front door closed as Techno dropped a pair of dark blue slippers in front of him, he thanked him, grabbed his backpack and followed the pink-haired boy while looking around:

the living room and the kitchen were in the same room, there was also no proper table, not that there was room for it, so he guessed that they ate on the kitchen counter.

There were four doors in the room, the first one on the left before the kitchen, a pig sticker gave Techno’s room away, on the other side of it, next to the couch, there was a door with a big sign spelling “NO BITCHES ALLOWED” with an evil smile scribbled next to it, he guessed that was Tommy’s room.

Not too far away from Tommy’s room, there was another door, but this time nothing was on it, and the fourth door was to the right of that blank door aka on the opposite side of the front door. He guessed one was a room and one was the bathroom, there was a hole next to the fourth door though…

Techno sat on one of the stools and opened his backpack, “As I’ve said, we can stay here until the others come back, if you need the bathroom it’s this one” He pointed at the door directly behind him, door number three… but then…

“Why is there a hole next to that door” Dream pointed at the forth door, Techno smiled briefly, “Uhhh… It’s a long and secret story, but to give you an idea that is Will’s room” He blinked a couple of times to let the information sink in, Techno snapped him out of it by waiving his pen in front of his eyes.

“C’mon nerd, we have work to do.” To which Dream apologized and sat next to him, taking a deep breath before opening the french textbook.

#fd! au #fd au #technoblade #tommyinnit #dreamwastaken #wilbur soot #ph1lza #skeppy #mcyt fanfiction #mcyt #sleepyboisinc #fanfiction #my fanfiction #my writing #writing

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hatsukeii · 4 years

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One where y/n has been obviously in love with Tsuki since they were kids and not afraid to show it, but he’s always been lowkey mean to her and thinks she’s annoying and then finally years later she decides he’s not a nice guy and let’s him know she’s fine with all that crap and then he realizes he’s falling for her and does something really sweet for her and they fall in love? 😭😭🥺👉🏻👈🏻 ty in advance. Sorry if this is too long or specific, if it is, feel free to ignore

I genuinely hope you didn’t think I would actually ignore this<33

IM SORRY IM A MASTER PROCRASTINATOR ILY ALL AND YOU ALL DESERVE AN APOLOGY FROM ME

Dear diary//Tsukishima Kei x Reader

Word Count: 1.4k+

Warnings: Cursing

Genre: Angst??? I guess???

Summary: He’s an ass, but you still love him to bits, and it’s killing you.

July 16, 2008

Dear Diary,

I got to play with Tsukki again! He had his dino with him, it was super cute! He told me his front teeth came off last night, and there’s a big hole in his teeth, but it’s okay, because he said it will grow back. I tried to hold his hand while going down the twin slides but he said it was sweaty, so next time I’ll wear gloves!

You flip through the hot pink diary, cringing at your young infatuation. Your diary entries were cringey as fuck, but they always rekindle something within you whenever you read them. You can’t even remember when you stopped writing in the book. Was it when you turned 10? Maybe 12? You don’t have a single clue.

April 30, 2011

Dear Diary,

Tsukki refused to marry me in the playground at break:(( I’ve known him for so long though, aren’t we supposed to get married? I just wanna hold his hand and hug him and give him a biiiiig kiss<33

Chuckling at the memory, you recalled the event from that entry clearly. You were seven years old only, still an immature kid. You still thought that getting married in a middle school playground was a huge milestone in life, almost as crucial as a legal marriage.

May 29, 2016

Dear Diary,

Love how Tsukki didn’t even remember my birthday:,) Must be nice getting made fun of. Half the students in my class felt my second hand embarrassment from when he completely forgot about it. God, why am I even in love with this asshole? I’m gonna have to go to school tomorrow and deal with all my classmates making fun of me for being hopeless. Brb, currently digging a hole for myself:)

Frowning at the memory, you think back to when you were twelve. He was an asshole then, still is an asshole to this day. And yet not an ounce of your unconditional love and support for him has faded. Grabbing a tissue, you wipe the remaining tears from your eyes, ignoring the dried tear stains on your cheek. Your hand slams onto the bedside table, lazily feeling for your phone. Tilting it towards your face, you sigh at the empty lock screen, accepting defeat. Flicking through the rest of the book, you are welcomed by pages and pages of white. “So that’s when I gave up on this diary...” you mutter to yourself as you lift yourself up from your bed. Heading towards your desk, you absentmindedly grab yourself a pen, notebook in hand. Slamming the diary down, you open it up to the next entry page after your last one, gently placing the tip of your pen on the first line. You grab your hair out of frustration, the ink bleeding into the thin paper. “What to do, what to do...?” You mumble, starting to form sentences in your notebook.

July 17, 2020

Dear Diary,

It’s been a while hasn’t it? Holy shit, all my entries were about Tsukki weren’t they? Jesus, of course they were. At least I was able to get it off my chest this afternoon. Telling him that I’ve been in love with him for years, that was fucking terrifying. Telling him that although I know he’s an ass, an animatronic dick complete with ballsack, that won’t stop me from falling harder, it was gut wrenching, but also relieving to a certain degree. I’m still waiting for some form of response, although I’m not sure I’m gonna get one anytime soon. I can’t decide whether telling him was the dumbest or bravest decision I’ve made. Maybe it was both. Just wait until I look back on this entry like a decade later and still cry about it lmao. Tbh he’s a genuinely nice person at heart. I know that all too well. He may be an ass most the time, and he may think I’m annoying, but despite how hard he tries to push me away, I’ll never abandon him. Jesus Christ, I sound like a yandere here, but it’s not that. It’s that I care for him a lot. Maybe even a bit too much. It’s ridiculous how absolute and utter shit a crush can make you feel.

Throwing the pen down, you flop back onto your bed, huffing into the thick blankets. You stay silent, not sure of what to think of the situation. “I’ll just deal with it all tomorrow, I’m tired of this shit.”

On the other side of the incident, Tsukishima is currently going through a mental crisis.

The blond sits at his desk, eyes unwavering, but focusing on nothing. It feels as if he hasn’t blinked in what seemed to be hours. Just hours of staring at his wall that led to nothing. Your confession plays in his head nonstop, like a broken record that refused to run out of battery.

“The thing is I like you. I’m pretty sure I always have. And I know that you’re such an asshole and all that, you won’t treat me as well as people would expect, but it’s fine. I’m fine with all that. All the dumb, stupid, careless insults you’ll throw at me, the side eyes and sneers, telling me to shut up and go away, I’m fine with it. I know you’re a good person, and that’s all that matters to me.”

“Well shit what the fuck do you want me to say?”

Maybe he shouldn’t have said that.

Maybe he should have let you down slowly.

But as he stares at his wall, the photos of the two of you framed and balanced on his floating shelves, he starts to reconsider his feelings.

The way your expression faltered then as you hastily took your bag and rushed away without a single word, the way you avoided him in the halls, the way you stopped talking to him throughout the day, it drove him crazy. He couldn’t handle the realisation that he hurt you so incredibly badly, so now all he can do is stare at his empty, blank wall. Did he know why he felt that way? No. He didn’t and still doesn’t. He’s Tsukishima fucking Kei, the emotionless, provoking, unlikeable king, yet a mere girl is somehow able to mess with his mind so badly, that all he can do is wallow in regret and confusion? What is this weird feeling? His throat itches, his heart is beating like crazy, sweat starting to gather around his temples. He clamps his two hands together, slamming his forehead onto them and squeezing his eyes shut.

How could I have been so dense?

How was he unable to see that you were absolutely in love with him? Even with the bento boxes, birthday gifts, constant compliments, he still only ever thought you liked him as a friend. However he never did. He likes you more than that. Way more. Yes, he thought, and still thinks you can be annoying at times, especially when you nag at him about not eating enough or being rude, but it was undeniable that there was something else he felt. But his stupid ass shitty ego would never let him admit it. And now that you finally confessed, he freaked out and fucked up. Even then, he didn’t think it would affect him to this extent.

“It was a stupid middle school crush, I’m over you (Y/N).”

He says that over and over again, desperate to cloud out the disagreeing thoughts in his head that scream otherwise.

“It was a stupid middle school crush, I’m over you.”

The guilt didn’t go away.

In fact, now that he’s said all that, he feels even worse. Oh how much he wants to find you right this second, wrap you in his arms, tell you how incredibly sorry he is, but he can’t. He doesn’t deserve to do that. His heart is begging for him to just get out of the house and run to yours as fast as he could, but his body won’t move. He wants to cry. Scream. Shout. Throw something. Shatter something. But most of all, he wants to get another chance.

Picking up his phone, he hesitates, before typing in your contact, the cleared out, empty chatroom showing up on his screen. Going as fast as his fingers could, he typed out the one sentence he’s been dying to let out.

“It was a middle school crush, but I’m still into you. I always have been.”

Is it just me, or is this bad-

Idk man it seems like all my fics are pretty much the same and I hate it😌

Tags:

@sunshines-and-tatertots @izzyphantomgamer @justachillgirl @trashcanweeb @just-another-bored-writer @poppirocks @majorfangirl37 @kaylacinderella @random-fandomlover @tiger1719 @tiredgr3mlin @itmekisuu @skyeackermans @talks-a-lot-of-stuff @shoutsukii @agentvicinity @sakusasgarbage @kuroo-thought-of-a-better-un @sneezefiction @bokutokoutarou @thirstyvolleyballhoe @iwaixiumi @iwaigroomi @inlwlevi

Feel free to comment or pm to be added to taglist!

I’m back to writing lmao I’m bored in two week quarantine rn

Edit: cue me realising I was half asleep and missed something in the request don’t be surprised if I repost this💀💀💀💀

Btw the hq manga just ended time to cry

💕💕💕💕

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esoraluco · 3 years

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I’ve sent myself a character lol. It’s Licorice 🖤🖤💀

favorite thing about them: I can’t choose between his eyelashes and his general personality 😔💖💖

least favorite thing about them: ??? Nothing honestly- he’s perfect all around! I can’t think of a single thing i dislike about Licorice, he’s just that much my kind of character!

favorite line: ‘You’d better not interfere or... Or else!’ And ‘Are you scared of me? Are you? Well, are you?’. So CUTE.

brOTP: Licorice and his (talking) pet Bat Cat, because tfw you’re so alone that your only friend is your cat thing. I just ADORE those two (official i think!) pictures where the two are shown having a regular yet adorable pet+master relationship (which im showing below since again i think they’re official). I can’t help but imagine that in public Licorice treats Bat Cat like a minion, while in private it’s straight up *baby voice* who’s the cutest bat cat in the whole world?? It’s YOU!!

OTP: 😔😔😔😔 with my ‘self insert’/canon vessel Eternal Eye of Darkness

nOTP: Licorice x Pomegrenate because 1) the latter is an horrible person, he deserves someone who gives him the praise and acknowledgement he desperately wants and 2) in canon Licorice hates his coworker so much that he made ONE drawing of her with X eyes, ONE dummy of her that ALSO have X eyes, and canonically in his bio it says that he complains so much in his diary that it could ‘fill an entire library’. The drawing and dummy are visible in his trial’s bg! The dummy is also in concept art- just without eyes. Tell me you look at this pic 👇 and you see ‘love’- and get a therapist immediately/j but seriously no pls

random headcanon: two for the price of one, because i’m fairly certain the first hc is actually canon- his trial’s level is his house. Proofs: skulls similar to his necklace all over the place, licore rolls also all over the place (why does he even have that...? Isn’t basically like flesh by his biological standards...?... Never know when you need extra flesh for yourself i guess), the aforementioned dummy and drawing, and a skull similar to Dark Enchantress’ scepter, that he presumably uses to communicate with her given how he seems to act around it in his little animation. Here’s a screenshot of it with the drawing and dummy btw (drawing on the far left and dummy in the center, beneath that spider). Also the obstacles that act like the city of wizards’ ones- which relates to his dreams of being a wizard (also the bonus time bg is straight up from the city of wizards).

And my second headcanon is meta/on the real world because i genuinely think that Licorice was made as a goofy, incompetent bad guy for CRKingdom, but that someone- or several?- got attached to him. So much so that they decided out of ALL the characters in CRK- even the good guys!- LICORICE would be the first to get to be in CROvenbreak. I’m honestly like 90% confident this what happened and i’m extremely happy it did!

unpopular opinion: uhh idk lol? He’s gay? Is that unpopular? Nah in reality i *know* that one thing that i don’t agree with the fandom on (but then again i disagree on 70% things they do...)- but i must admit i haven’t played CRKingdom, where the event i believe is misinterpreted happens so 🤷‍♂️ basically it’s just that some ppl believe Licorice is transphobic bc he ‘deadnamed’ his wolf minion, but i’m not sure if the wolf’s names are meant to be actually trans or not. Because the names are Choco Werehound Brute, and the deadname is Schwarzwalder. Im trans and even i can’t tell anything. Either way i think Licorice is stupid but not in a transphobic way.

song i associate with them: SEVERAL! This high quality rip and Necromaster. And Walpurgeee for his costumed self.

favorite picture of them: 😔💕😢💖

#gingerbread sprint #licoreye #thats a post i made!

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shanaraki · 3 years

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OCTOBER 2TH, 2021.

DAY ONE.

—— I've decided I'm starting a journal. ——

I have never been that good in keeping track or stuff. I get bored, I abandon what I start so easily. It is hard for me to push myself into doing something I don't have the motivation for.

However, I've decided I'm starting a journal. This journal. I feel better writing it online than in paper. When I'm forced into writing it in slow motion with my own hands, I get desperate sooner or later. My mind rushes and the words speed up while my hand is still struggling with the first lines.

I do have a lot to say. About so many things. There are things I'll never write or speak about. The belong in the silence between God and me, the empty spaces where the human mind can't go, that secret and non existence place.

I'm better now.

This imply that I was bad, of course. It's a cycle. I know the bad things won't stop coming, but I like to think that's no reason to stop working on myself. More than a circle this is... A spiral. I'm trying to make this spiral going up. It's hard. Humans can so easily die. It's so simple, so effortless to give up on myself and let the pull of the Earth take me underground. And yet...

I'm better. Not physically. I haven't been sleeping enough or drinking enough water or eating like I should. It's not my body that it's better, it's my mind. I don't disassociate as much these days. I feel present. I feel like I'm my body and not just in my body. I have more energy. I want to do things like clean my hair often and take care of my skin. I want to do exercise, to eat healthier. I feel calm, in my mind, in my thoughts. I need to keep meditating and doing my breathing exercises. They do help a lot.

There are many things I need to work in. My physical health is one of them, but also I need to practice using my phone less. I need to find other things to calm me. I have my paintings, I could practice with them. Or maybe drawing. And of course, there is my thesis.

I've been avoiding my college duties. Again.

I fear the stress or the semester. There's something that's very frustrating to me, and it is feeling like I'm failing at some task while everyone is already many tasks in front of me. Like,,,, hmm,,,, it's like trying on your shoelaces while you're on a marathon. You need to stop and tie them, but if you do you're gonna lose time and they're going to get even farther away, and you're so stressed over it that you're losing concentration, and the shoelaces, and the competitors, and your stress, and— there it goes. It gets worst and worst until you kinda resignate and think "I just need to finish this marathon, just it. I don't want to compete anymore".

There's also the fear of what I'm going to do after I graduate. Work is the obvious answer, right? I should. I want to work. But there's this idea,,,,, listen, sometimes I don't understand people. I'm smart, but not when it comes to normal things or daily skills. The other day I put a candy on the microwave for a minute and I almost burned the microwave.

I don't know how to do any house choirs. Why? Well, because my family tells me I should do them, but the minute I try and do them, they appear and tell me to go away because I'm doing everything wrong.

How am I supposed to learn if I can't practice? But there's still some sort of trauma reaction in me. I fear doing something that can't be fixed while practicing. That's the reason why I fear driving, because I'm terrified of damaging the car (mostly because I don't want to cost extra money to anyone, and I don't have money to buy and less alone fix a car).

So I should work. To gain some money. But let's not talk more about that because I got nervous just by thinking of it.

Aaand I lost track of what I was saying. I'm sleepy. I was supposed to write how today I was better. I downloaded some cool apps, I want to learn how to play the kalimba, I felt pretty today, comfortable, safe. I shouldn't be writing my problems on an online diary but oh well.

This is exactly how my mind works. Now it is bored of writing this and wants to close the tab. I wants to change the song. Meditate. I get bored of things so fast this days. I'm not able to end a whole task if I don't pressure myself for HOURS. I'm better but there's still a long way to go.

I wish I could go to a psychiatrist and finally see if I have anxiety or adhd or if im just overreacting. When I told my psychologist I thought I had anxiety, she told me she would not give me any labels to use, only treat me. I suppose that is good, but a part of my does wish I could know the labels. I don't like when I don't know what is happening. I don't like when I don't have control over the stuff that surrounds me. I don't like being vulnerable or deadly curious.

I haven't been praying that much later, either. I miss my regular contact with God. It makes me feel very lonely and afraid, and very guilty and ashamed. I know many people hate Christians and for a good reason, because many have hurt the whole world with those ideals. And I know for many the way I feel would be silly. I just........ I can't stop believing in him, feeling this way. I want to help others, not by hurting them, but by just standing in silence in the distant with my silly words and silly presence, so if they ever feel lost, they can always find me and sit, talk with me. I love them all. I love humanity so much. It makes me sad. I see the killers and the politians, I see the worst human beings and I think, "I wish you some clarity, I wish you some joy, I wish you to be so full of good things that there's no more evil feelings, just the ability to feel guilty and change, to become a better person".

I'm tired of seeing people dying. Suffering. My grandpa E (the biological father of my mom) is dying. His lungs are collapsing, slowly but surely. We lost my grandma some two or three years ago. I don't think of her as much as before, but I feel it, her absence. I miss her voice and her hugs. I miss the people we were when she was alive. I miss my grandpa H (the step-father of my mom) happiness, I miss the time where my mom's face was not so gloomy and sad.

I'm tired of hatred and anger. I see it everywhere and many who feel it are just sad and hurt. Like wounded animals, they lash out when they are in pain. And I wish I could cure them. Yes, I guess I have a Saint complex or whatever. I feel bad for speaking about how I wish I could save the world, love every human enough for them to feel better. I feel bad for not being capable of doing more.

And the worst part is that I feel like I'm capable of doing more, but I don't do it because I'm afraid. If I wasn't so shy or anxious, if I wasn't so selfish, I could be out there traveling and saving lives. I look at my ceiling in the dark and think if I'm gonna die paralyzed by fear. Or if I'm going to die fearing dying that way, and asking to much of my body and soul and mind, enough to destroy myself.

I don't want to sound self-centered, damn. I am anxious again. You see, I'm better, but it is hard. It feels like my limbs need to move because it is a physical discomfort. It feels like I need to do something, to shake that feeling.

This is a lot for a first day entry. No one is going to read this, just me. And if there's someone reading it, then... Know you're walking over my heart. Every word is war, every emotion written in the moment. I'm laying in a couch with red led lights in a white room. There are some dark brown furnitures, the room is tiny. There's a giant TV on the floor, there are plants on shelf next to the ceiling. The plants are tiny and fake. There's a big window, closed with curtains. There's another high tiny window, and a mini desk that goes into the wall in a sort of hollowed square that there's in the room. There are two posters on glass frames, they are big, they are by the wall.

It's almost 2AM. I hear some cars passing by. It's neither cold nor hot. There's a constant sound, like the one electric devices make. It's kind loud. I don't know if it's the nature or the electric devices. I'm on an apartment. The town I'm in is in the mountains, but a few minutes from a big city.

I'm calmer now. It's feel a little lonely in this room because I'm on my own. My family is on the apartment, but there's no sound to be heard of them. At least the acoustic in this neighborhood let's you hear even when the person some building away is coughing. Yeah, crazy.

I think I'm going to be now. I'm tired. I want to be more online, write on my other blogs, do some rp, work on my thesis, clean my room, read books, watch TV shows... But even when I'm better, I need to be careful to don't pressure myself to much. Too many stimulus and I'm gonna be avoiding everyone again, until I feel less overestimulated.

No more worries. The day is over. I need to sleep.

Goodnight, mysterious person. And if no one ever reads this, goodnight to the absence of and the empty and the memories.

#Shan's personal diary

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araisbored · 3 years

Text

Obelisk

That’s the only quirky title I could come up to make this a little bit more interesting.

I’m reviewing my favorite book again. More like making another post about it. Because I seem like the type of person to not shut up about something she truly, truly, deeply love. Though, I won’t really making a review. Because I am in no state to make one of those. I don’t know I just I’m not that qualified to that yet. Though I read millions of books, I still won’t. I re-read my last “review” and it just make me cringe because I can’t understand what I’m saying and there’s a bunch of errors on my sentence. Not that this whole post won’t containing grammar errors, but still. Also, the cringing intensifies when I saw that Jennifer Niven (the author of this book) liked my bizarrely wrong blog entry. Ms. Niven, if by any chance, reading this again, I love your work and I’m sorry for a lot of grammatical errors. Ms. Niven, your work changed my life and help me get through a rough time. Sounds cliché but its the truth.

To repeat what I typed, I won’t make a review. Yet, I’ll post a very private diary log which where I somehow discuss my opinions about this book. So here it is.

Trigger warning: Suicide topics, cutting and mental issues might come up on the next following paragraph. And it’s really graphic. Because it is a personal log on my digital diary. Beware.

May 17, 2019: Theodore’s death, Avengers: End game and GoT discussion.

I never had a proper review of this book. Because lets be real here. Its me and probably won’t matter. Last time or more like last last year, I made a book recommendation/favourites about this book. And I emphasize on that blog post that it’s not a book review. NOT A BOOK REVIEW. At all.

Because:

I am scared of the internet scrutinizing my opinions and views about this book.

It’s about mental health or part of it. So it is really a sensitive topic and I even haven’t figured myself out. So I’m not really sure if I’m the right person you want to have an opinion regarding with this topic. One thing about me is that you don’t go asking me questions on how you figured your life or how you deal with depression because, oh boy oh boy you’re in a wrong place honey.

Last night I searched Theodore Finch on twitter. Yes, twitter. Because that is where you get the real opinions. Real tea. As well as the stupid ones. And I read one thread or whatever you call it, some sort of a conversation or replies from one girl to another. (I just assumed you’re girl and I’m sorry if you’re not. I am really sorry for misgendering you.) The other girl said that she’s kind of annoyed how everyone around Theodore doesn’t get the signs when it’s literally on their faces. When you come to think of it. Its true. All the signs of Theodore’s disease was there. Bluntly on their faces. It’s kind of fascinating how it’s not noticed by his family and friends or even Violet. But again right now thinking about it, maybe because it happened when this world just slowly noticing or paying attention about mental health. Hold a second, let me search when it was published. Yeah, I'm right its 2015. A year of coming of age for the late Baby Boomers are introduced to depression and when people, mostly teenagers are committing suicide. I would be very harsh on my words because it was just me talking to myself anyways. So yeah, that's also the year where I'm cutting myself and wanted to kill myself. So no wonder Finch’s family have no idea about his mishaps and adventures. So about that discussion, it was already solved. That year was just the year where naïve people are introduced to mental health and issues. Anyways, back to that conversation. The other girl defended the book/author. That the author, Jenifer Niven, was just portraying real life happenings. That these things happens in real life. People really die because of mental health issues. By the way, Finch mental diagnosis wasn’t really mentioned on the book directly. As far as I can remember. That’s why I'm re-reading it again now. But so far zero mentioned of diagnosis or bipolarity(Is that even a word? idc.). Just the mention of him wanting to kill himself, the erotic changes in his moods, lack of appetite and being insomniac. He doesn’t sleep one night or he sleeps then have very bad nightmares after that. It’s pretty obvious but again, let’s refer to the points given above. Oh, oh! Then there’s one time he repainted his bedroom from blood red to blue. If that’s not alarming enough then idk anymore. But yes, 2015. The coming of age and the year where we birthed more stupid late boomers. But, yes. Wild book. A very wild and very BRILLIANT book. It’s the stupid characters or the people in Finch’s life that suck. Which is why I kind of sided to the girl who said that that the author doesn’t really write the characters well. Let’s call her Girl A. And the other girl who defend Niven, Girl B. I’m pretty sure you’re both girls but just in case, I’m gonna apologize again if I'm misgendering you. Or if you don’t wanna be called a girl. I can’t say or disclose that Girl B was wrong because he clearly have a point too. It happens in real life. People die from depression and I might be one soon.

Just wanna say that It’s a good discourse. Arguments like that are my favorites where both sides are not wrong nor right either, makes you really think. A read. Both the book and that twitter discourse. If you happened to read it, good. But if not sorry I can’t link it for you.

So for my opinion (oh no, here we go) I agree on both of them , as if its not yet obvious. I guess if it was written in the present days the author could’ve change the characters and made Finch alive. Or checked-in in a mental institution or he’ll be given a medical assistance he really needs. Because the only medical attention he was given was thru his Guidance councilor, Embryo. Which is a good thing, but also I think Finch’s situation needs more professional attention. No offence to all guidance councilors out there. I know you guys try your best. But you know, Niven can make Finch visit a psychiatrist in a clinic/mental institution right? Like violet. I know Finch’s financial state is bad but.. idk there’s something can be done here. But again it was during that time where people are shouting “Depression isn’t real”, stupid people posting tweets and Facebook status on how “Suicide is for the week”; they watch 13 reasons why and decided to skip the whole point of the show and just assumed that “yeah depression is for the weaklings”. It only shows how ignorant people are. They’re the kind of people who standby when you get punch on the face or laugh when people spreads rumors and lies about you. Basically, bystanders. I’m sorry I’m a little snappy. If you haven’t noticed. I don’t know I’m just mad today.

I think the book still holds it. And justify the ending. Though part of me really hate it too. But it kind of made me realized about a lot of things, not just about me but also about how I should interact with other human beings. I hate the ending because it breaks my heart but I guess it was necessary?? Or not. Any how, It was a good ending. Maybe its just me because I’m a masochist. But I can not think of any other impactful and realistic way on ending it. (Rereading this again and I just need to clear things up. That IM NOT A MURDERER OR A KILLER. I DONT NORMALIZE SUICIDE, but from a standing point the ending is justified. Its sad but its, again, realistic.) But still, breaks my heart, Theodore is a precious boy. Who deserves nothing but love. And I hope his story was more known by the people so jackasses would know how to treat their family and friends better.

[This part was cut because I talked about Avengers and GoT ending; Which is very relevant to this topic]

Love,

Ara xx

So yeah, that’s some of my diary entry. Re-reading it makes me realized how funny I am. Jesus I should read more of these. Who knows, I might post it here. If it’s not that personal. I’ll end this here now. I hope wherever you are you’re having a good day.

Ttyl, Ara!

#books #jennifer niven #All the Bright Places

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defeatedbyamerechild · 5 years

Text

How Guzma and Cyrus became close friends

(The following scene takes place in Giovanni’s mansion, a few months after the Villains had moved in to that place, and therefore happens previously to the moment depicted in our comics.)

-------

It's around 3PM, Giovanni is in his office, Archie and Maxie left for a walk and Lusamine is knitting in the backyard with her Pokémon. Lysandre is in his room recording a make up tutorial and no one knows where Ghetsis is, but no one really cares much. Cyrus has just finished sweeping the floor. He enters the living room to find Guzma lying on the couch, reading his diary.

CYRUS – Guzma! What the... What are you doing with my diary?!

Cyrus quickly approaches Guzma and tries to grab the diary from his hands, but Guzma dodges him.

GUZMA – Yo, Relax, Cy-boy! I was just takin' a look! Nothin' much, just readin' a bit of it!

CYRUS – [angry, but trying to hide it] Well, “a bit of it” is already too much! It's a diary, that means it's personal Therefore, you shouldn't be reading any of it. Now give it back to me!

GUZMA – Sheesh... [gives him the diary] Here, don't be so friggin' anxious, dude! What's the matter with sharin' your secrets with a friend after all? Are you hidin' anythin'? [giggles]

CYRUS – [still annoyed] No! The matter is that I did not choose to share anything with you. You just went and... started meddling in my personal stuff. Which I very much disapprove, if you allow me to add!

GUZMA – Tsc... Meh. Chill! Not doin' it again, if it bothers ya that much! [He winks at Cyrus, smiling].

CYRUS – [in a rather sarcastic way] Thanks for that, although I do not believe you...

Cyrus sits on the couch one seat away from where Guzma is. Hugging his diary against his chest, he wonders what Guzma could have read from it. There's a brief silence.

GUZMA – Yo...

Cyrus glances at him, a little bit apprehensive, for his housemate might bring up something from his diary.

GUZMA – Y'know, I was just... thinkin'... Cause, like... You wrote there tha-[Cyrus interrupts him.]

CYRUS – I do not want to discuss anything I wrote. It's personal. And it's already bothersome enough to know that you read it, so please spare me the embarrassment of further explaining whatever it is you want to comment on...

GUZMA – Aw, c'mon, dude! Don't be like that!

CYRUS – Like what?

GUZMA – Like... y'know... Carin' so much about this and all!

CYRUS – [sarcastic] You mean having dignity?

GUZMA – [chuckles] You're so dramatic, bro...

Brief silence. Guzma stretches his arms and legs, trying to look as casual as possible before resuming his speech.

GUZMA – [with a carefree intonation] Anyways! You wrote it there that no one cares about ya, and, like... Dude, that's a pretty rough thing to say 'bout yourself, ey? [giggles]

Cyrus clenches his jaw and stares at his own feet, embarrassed and upset.

GUZMA – Tsc... Like, c'mon, why all that drama? Who broke your heart, eh? [giggles] You can tell ya old boy Guzma here!

CYRUS – [looking up at him] Sigh... Don't turn that into some romantic gibberish, Guzma! It has nothing to do with that.

GUZMA – Yeah? Right, whatever. Still somethin' must have happen'd if you feel like that. So! Who hurt ya?

CYRUS – [Looking away] Why are you asking me that? Why does it matter to you?

GUZMA – Meh. Dunno, dude. I'm curious. Also, like... That's not true.

CYRUS – What is not true?

GUZMA – That no one cares 'bout ya! Like, I do, for example! That's why I'm askin'! Makes sense, right?

CYRUS – [snorts sarcastically] Right.

GUZMA – I mean it, bro! I'm here for ya! [winks again] Now, go on! Tell me about those feels, I know you wanna talk about it!

CYRUS – [out of patience, very emphatic] No, you do not. How would you know that?

GUZMA – [still smiling, folding his arms behind his head] 'Cause why else would'ya write it in your diary? You feel like tellin' someone! That means you need to talk! [winks for the third time]

CYRUS – [looking away, trying to hide his amazement at Guzma's perceptive mind.] Well, even if that were the truth, this conversation is useless. You should know what hurt me by now, if you read my diary.

GUZMA – Yeah, true, but... I didn't read, like... all of it, y'know? As I told ya! I was just readin' a bit of it! 'Cause, y'know, I'm not that much of a passionate reader, like... [giggles] When you start with those huge chunks of text I just skip ‘em! I only read some short parts and that's all!

CYRUS – [not amused] Hm.

Cyrus glances around, discreetly checking if there's anyone else near. He then glances at Guzma, who is still smiling, as if nothing had happened. He sighs. He knows Guzma will not give up on his curiosity.

CYRUS – OK, so you want to know who hurt me? My parents did. That's all. Happy?

GUZMA – [stops smiling and tilts his head to the right] Ya parents? Yo, really?

Guzma scratches his chin, as he sits up on the couch.

GUZMA – Dude, that's somethin'... Like, I know how that feels! My old man was also a real son of a Jynx, y'know? Like, real mean AF!

CYRUS – Oh. [frowns] I thought you said you had been raised in a sewer, by Raticates.

Guzma briefly widens his eyes and stops smiling, but soon goes back to his previous expression.

GUZMA – [giggling, trying to hide his awkwardness and make something up quickly] Eh, yeah but, like... He was a mean Raticate! Totally savage, like, real bad parentin'! Like Ghetsis, y'know?! [thinks for a second and corrects himself] Uh... Actually, no, not that bad. No one's bad like Ghetsis as a parent! Even a Raticate is better.

CYRUS – Ugh. Please do not involve Ghetsis in this conversation, he is the last person I would like to think of now... or ever.

GUZMA – [laughing] Heh! So you also hate old Ghetsis, ey?

CYRUS – I do not “hate”. Feelings are irrational and useless. I hate no one.

GUZMA – [smiling maliciously] Dunno, bro, you seemed to have a fistful of feelings to write about in your diary!

CYRUS – [keeping a straight face, but blushing] I don't know what you're talking about. [brief pause] But I guess I do prefer to keep my distance from Ghetsis.

GUZMA – Yeah, same. I dead serious hate that dude!

CYRUS – Why?

GUZMA – [Amazed] Dude, why?! Like, why would anyone not hate 'im?

CYRUS – [nodding] Point taken. Still, I do not see personal reasons for you to dislike him. Most of the time, he seems to ignore your presence.

GUZMA – Yeah, but dude's a big old friggin' stinky wild hog, like, what's wrong with that dude? He's a son of a Jynx who treats everyone like they're Pidgey poop! I don't need no personal reasons to dislike a guy like that!

CYRUS – That's fair enough.

GUZMA – Yeah, that dude doesn't care 'bout anyone but himself, that's a fact. [brief pause] And talkin' about “carin'”, let's go back to the main point here...

CYRUS – Sigh...

GUZMA – That is... You feel broken!

CYRUS – [offended] I don't- I never put it on those words! Actually, you're definitely over-interpreting things right now...

GUZMA – [Ignoring his protests] Why'dya feel like no one cares about you? [giggling] Do you feel needy or...?

CYRUS – [irrtated] Are you making fun of me?

GUZMA – [Skipping a seat on the couch to sit by Cyrus' side] Nah. I mean it for real. Why do you feel like that?

CYRUS – [annoyed again] Well, I thought it was pretty self-explanatory that when I said “no once cares”, I meant that I think other people don't give a flip about how I feel! Or about whether or not I'm even alive! [Guzma stares silently for a while and Cyrus blushes a bit, then takes a deep breath] I don't feel... appreciated. That's it.

GUZMA – [Suddenly more serious] Hm... That's rough...

CYRUS – [Slightly ashamed] Look, I only write about those things in my diary because my therapist says it will help me understand myself, all right? Please, stop making a big deal out of it. It's not. It's nothing important.

GUZMA – Dude, like... I ain't the one makin' a big deal out of it...

Cyrus widens his eyes a little again.

GUZMA – Like... I'm just talkin' about it 'cause it's not, y'know... normal? I mean, to feel that way, y'know? But I'm just chattin', like, casual talk! I ain't making a big deal outta anything! You're the one who's makin' big deal out of it, as if talkin' about that was a problem... Like, what's wrong with just talkin' about it?

Cyrus looks away.

GUZMA – Wanna know what? I've felt like that before. I'ma be honest with ya, Cyrus, I've felt like that too in the past! I mean, livin' in the streets is not that easy sometimes, y'know? And when you ain't got nothin' and people just walk by and pretend they don't even see ya, how do you think you're gonna feel?

Cyrus keeps looking to the other side.

GUZMA – But then, like... You end up findin' people who care! Like, I founded my team, made my friends, everythin' was all right! And screw the rest! So, like... Screw your parents, and Ghetsis and all of those Fudge-brained jerks like him! Life goes on and stuff. Things change. Time passes... Y'know?

CYURS – [looking at him with the corner of his eyes] Yeah, I suppose time doesn't usually just stop flowing in our dimension. Any other generic piece of advice?

GUZMA – [chuckles] Quite a sense of humor, eh, Cy-boy?

CYRUS – I don't have a sense of humor. What's the point of humor anyway?

GUZMA – Well, havin' fun!

CYRUS – What for?

GUZMA – Dude... like... for fun? [laughs] The heck of a question is that? There's no point! It just feels good!

CYRUS – Feeling good is just temporary. It will go away and you'll feel bad again later.

GUZMA – Which is just as temporary, 'cause you'll eventually feel good again! And so it goes! Ups and downs! Am I right? So instead of thinkin' about all that until you get a headache, why not just livin' your life?

CYRUS – The amount of cliches is gonna give me a headache, to be honest. What are you, a walking self-help book?

Guzma bursts into a sincere laughter, leaving Cyrus slightly surprised.

GUZMA – Now that's a better mood! See, you do have a sense of humor, it's just kinda acid! I like that! [giggles] Yeah I like that...

Cyrus stifles a chuckle and looks away again.

GUZMA – I saw that!

CYRUS – [Looking back at Guzma] What?

GUZMA – You smiled!

CYRUS – Must have been your imagination.

GUZMA – [chuckles] Right. [not that brief silence] But welp. Just to finish what I was sayin'. You had your share of pain in the past, like, you been hurt, I've been hurt, we all been hurt, 'K? Some more than the others, but...

CYRUS – You really don't give up on the cliches, do you?

GUZMA – Shush, let me finish! You had a rough past! OK! But that's over, dude. Look at us! We're livin' with friggin' Mr. Mafia Boss Giovanni here! I mean, dude's rich. Dude's above the law. Dude's nice. Kinda short-fused, I gotta say, but still nice! We got this big old house here... Free food... What else could we ask for, ey?

CYRUS – Aren't you deviating a bit from the topic?

GUZMA – Nah, I mean it! We're all livin' here now! And life here is good, is that not right? and like... You'll never see your parents again! Screw them! They're in the past!

CYRUS – They've been in the past for a long for me. This is not a problem anymore.

GUZMA – You were the one who brought up your parents...

CYRUS – Because you insisted on asking me about my wounds! But it's been a long time I haven't cared about my parents, and I don't intend to change that.

GUZMA – Yeah! Great! And now you've got a buncha people livin' with ya who are totally not like them! Like me and Maxie and Archie and Lusie and Lysandre... I mean. OK. Let's be honest, no one is like Lysandre, right? But still, we're all different from your parents! Just 'cause they made you feel like trash when you lived with them, that doesn't mean we all think you're trash too!

CYRUS – I'm not trash.

GUZMA – Yeah, that's the spirit, bro!

CYRUS – I-... OK. Whatever. Your point is...?

GUZMA – My point? [giggles] Dunno. Stop being an emo prick?

CYRUS – [rather offended] Well, I can be a caustic prick, since you prefer it.

GUZMA – [with a malicious smile once again] Nice, I love caustic humor! Then we kill two birds with one stone: you get your appreciation and I don't get none of your gloomy drama anymore!

CYRUS – What?! You frickin-... I'm not making any drama, you brought this up yourself! I didn't even want to talk about it!

Guzma laughs a bit and then taps Cyrus' back, making him a little bit uncomfortable.

GUZMA – Just jokin', bro! Relax!

Cyrus crosses his arms and looks away once again, slightly grumpy. Guzma quickly grabs his diary.

CYRUS – [turning back at Guzma and trying to grab the diary] Hey!

GUZMA – Now let me just add somethin' here!

CYRUS – [Still trying to get the diary back] What?! Guzma!

GUZMA – [writing with a pencil while dodging Cyrus] And... Here... we... go!

Guzma finishes writing and gives Cyrus his diary, which he grabs rather aggressively and immediately opens, searching for whatever Guzma wrote.

CYRUS – What have you written here?

Cyrus gets to his last entry. At the bottom of the page he finds Guzma's handwriting. It reads “Guzma slaps!”.

CYRUS – [sarcastic] How touching.

GUZMA – What? Disappointed? Didya expect a somethin' mallow like “we all wove you, Cywus! Pwease don't feel wejected anymowe!” [laughs].

CYRUS – [Closing his diary and rolling his eyes] Shut up...

GUZMA – Welp. Hope to see some more cheerful stuff next time I grab your diary!

CYRUS – Next time?! [Guzma ignores him]

GUZMA – [stands up] I'm off now. Gonna meet Plum for a beer! But, hey, let's do somethin' together any day, how 'bout that, ey, Cy-boy?

CYRUS – [rather lost] Uh... I...

GUZMA – Do you play chess?

CYRUS – Uh... Y-yes. I do.

GUZMA – Thought so! Let's play a game of chess tomorrow then! Deal?!

CYRUS – Well... I can't see why not.

GUZMA – Nice! [taps his shoulder and leaves, then stops and turns back, giving him finger guns and winking once again] See ya, bro!

Guzma leaves. Cyrus remains sitting on the couch, silent. He opens the diary again and stares at the bottom of his last entry for a few seconds. He grabs a pen and starts writing.

“Dear diary. Something rather peculiar just happened: I think I just made a friend... … That does not mean I give you permission to read my diary, Guzma. Close it. Now.”

------ (Scene by GabiWaffle)

#DBAMCWrittenScenes #Skull Boss Guzma #galactic boss cyrus

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carolynrants · 4 years

Text

worst. year. ever.

as anyone could probably tell you, this year, 2020, has been a LIVING NIGHTMARE, for the entire global population. For many many many reasons which i won’t touch on fully. it should be obvious tbh...

anyways, time for the updates that come and go, vague in nature, but hold heavy, private and juicy info on what is my life. i really hope nobody ever finds this... however, would it be interesting to turn this little glorified diary into something ~art in the future? possibly...

ANYWAYS, where did i leave off? oh yeah, my nervous breakdown. well i ended up leaving her, pretty mutually? i love the girl, she is amazing, intelligent, beautiful, and just a great person to spend time with. however, we both could see some differences between our core-selves that, relationship wise, weren’t optimal. so, it ended.

& then he finally got his chance, and holy fucking shit it is not what i could’ve ever expected it to be. & i mean that in the best AND THE worst ways you can imagine. this boy caused me some of the most anxiety, pain, needless worry--that’s just anxiety... you get it.

**Note To Self: just because you are practically a walking therapist does not make it smart to date someone with deep rooted commitment issues & trauma, they are mostly negligent of.

but simultaneously... nobody has ever made me feel the way this boy has. he is probably the most MAN of a guy i’ve ever been with and i gotta say... it was fucking hot bro. like shit. wtf??? where did that even come from? i felt like one of those exchange students in europe that just fuck and are naked all day, looking out their city windows from high floors. ordering dominoes and snacking in bed. listening to you sing and practice guitar. simply both working on our respective school work at adjacent desks. with the occasional kiss&cuddle breaks, where you would be so sweet and lovely. my big baby, i would refer to it as. i miss it. i miss your cute laughs you were too embarrassed to flaunt in public. i miss joking around with stupid voices and phrases while you’re on top of me, both crying from laughter while holder each other tight. i miss stroking your soft hair, stubbly beard and tatted arms. you were blunt, sometimes too much so. but i appreciated your honesty, for it wasn’t something i was used to, at least so brashly put. as someone who genuinely thought i would never feel THAT comfortable being fully unclothed & vulnerable with someone, you really helped me embrace that more, thank you.

however, the note to self would be there if there wasn’t good reason. simply put, as fun as things were, it was also hell. & frankly i deserve a lot better, i deserve to be treated a lot better. i shouldn’t have to be a caregiver to my partner full-time, nor be in constant fear that they’ve changed their mind today or will suddenly not be okay with my condition again... and so on... and so on... again... and again... fueling this self doubt, hatred, and guilt.

anyways.. as you can probably tell by the language & rhetoric used above, we broke up. only a few days ago. im still recovering. it again, was fairly mutual. however, i have been...not doing well. really not. ive had some of my worst panic attacks, barely eating, feeling on edge, and dreading the attention of my parents. but also feeling guilty all the time for existing. not fun. so while i know the split is for the best it is a really rough time to try and deal with this. i really really miss having him to talk to, even if he wasn’t helpful most of the time. i was also really looking forward to the physical affection returning to seattle soon guess the fuck not :( that is honestly what i am sad about most. it was so easy. and i just was that. but i know i should have more than that.

2020 sucks. for way more than this. this is just shit i probably wont care about in a year, unlike how the pandemic, racism, and disgusting cruelty of the wealthy elites will continue to fuck this place up, and piss me the fuck off. so hm. does he really matter? probably not. but its hard to not feel as if he means the world to me at the moment.

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bradleymillign-blog · 5 years

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clip clops in on a small shetland pony riding side saddle like mia w her fake leg in princess diaries. hlo! peels off my handlebar moustache to reveal tht it’s actually me (nai). bradley is one of my all time fav muses if not... the coveted Number One fav spot where my charas r concerned n i miss ha so decided to revive her like a phoenix from the ashes. her pinterest board is here n more abt her is under the cut! jst a forewarning her life is kind of A Lot so tws will b abundant bt i dnt rly go into huge detail

( cis-female ) haven’t seen BRADLEY MILLIGAN around in a while. the MARGARET QUALLEY lookalike has been known to be (+) BRAVE & (+) ADVENTUROUS, but SHE can also be (-) VOLATILE & (-) CRUEL. The 22 year old is a JUNIOR majoring in PSYCHOLOGY. I believe they’re living in POTENTAS but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( nai. 22. gmt. she/her. )

the kind of sour cherry only certain people have a taste for

once drank a bottle of spiced rum, insisted she could still do a cartwheel and accidentally kicked an old man’s front tooth out in the process. proceeded 2 collapse into a flower bed and laugh so much abt it that she cried

barely takes anything seriously 50% of the time and is angry the other 50%

if she was a coffee she’d be black with five grains of sugar that you couldn’t taste until the last sip

father runs a mob and strip club in queens called ‘no angels’ tht fronts an affluent drug trade, primarily coke. his name is tony milligan n his gang is p infamous around there fr being jst like.... completely cutthroat n awful. they were nicknamed ‘tony’s rottweilers’ by locals bc he bsically has all of these trained dogs on leash at his command n they’re still a growing organisation tday. in FACT the only reason her dad rly.... okay’d her goin out of country was bc he kind of wanted to Expand The Business n was looking to buy a new club in the red light district as his first move. SO she can basically.... oversee whtevers going on over there n he also has a few of his guys local 2 keep tabs on her n tht sort of thing

he’s pretty much the worst human being alive n bradley hs like..... a LOT of issues with herself as a result of years of toxicity n abuse

in terms of more family bkground info her mum’s name was alyssa n she vanished when bradley was 12. jst like.... into thin air. nothing. no note. zilch. gan! n when bradley asked her dad abt it his response was essentially “guess she didn’t love us enough to stay”. as bradley’s got older tho n become (without intention) more involved in the business side of things, it’s become pretty clear there was far more to the story. they had a horrible marriage n tony ws quite violent at the best of times, which didn’t help the fact tht alyssa ws struggling a lot w severe depression n rly just... not in the mindset to b dealing w anything else on top of tht, even where motherhood ws concerned. bradley p much... would look after her a lot n they’d both b scared of her dad n it was just a whole mess. ANYWAY im rambling bt basically tony (bradley’s dad) gt wind of alyssa sleeping w men tht worked fr him n he just... Got Rid. bradley’s kind of worked out over the yrs tht her mum didn’t jst leave on her own accord n tht something must hav happened to her bt she’s too scared of her dad to ever directly accuse him

when her mum went all of her dad’s cruelty pretty mch got channelled straight onto her. it ws diluted between two before bt as u can probably imagine her upbringing was jst.... a steep downhill decline frm tht point onwards

she learnt ways 2 deal w the incurring trauma bt they weren’t healthy ones at all! bsically jst. will do or take anything fr the vine. chases a thrill like it’s the only way to remind her she’s alive. has absolutely No Regard fr her own wellbeing n sometimes gets other ppl in trouble too bc she’s so insatiably reckless

high functioning alcoholic. if u ever see her w a coffee cup u jst kno tht one sniff will confirm high alcohol percentage. honestly idk hw she does it her liver must b yellin

she hd....2 separate stints of psychiatric hospitalisation n she never tlks abt it. like ever. acknowledging she’s been vulnerable is her worst nightmare n bc of the way her dad raised her she always thinks any sign of struggling within herself is weakness. truly does.... not kno how to properly Emotion

honestly. im probably missing a million things bc i kind of feel like a microwaved shrimp as i write this bt. basically her life is jst the worst a true... abomination! bc im evil like tht sometimes

loyal to a point of fault. if she cares abt u and u murder a man in cold blood she’ll brawl anyone that says ur guilty

honestly wld probably fight a person over anything. sometimes she’ll jst be having a bad day n she’ll burst n take it out on whoever says the wrong thing. a minefield!

has the worst luck in romance…. Ever. the majority of her past bfs hav been absolute BEASTS n as a result she kind of has the ‘romance is dead n love is a lie’ mentality

speakin of which i feel like she’s bi bt wldnt have dated a girl or anythin. like guys r probably.... her preference just bc historically theyv treated her worse n she hs a very self destructive personality like that. sexy!

dresses like courtney love, 2014 sky ferreira and a character from this is england had a baby. mostly wears stolen clothes from strangers and jackets that swamp her. hair is p much always a wild mess n she usually hd kind of smudgy/smoky makeup bcos apparently she’s allergic to combs and generally looking presentable… relatable content

personality wise she’s v sarcastic. sometimes blunt. kind of has a habit of.... assessing a person n she’s quite perceptive bc she’s been trained to b by the way she always has to monitor her dad’s expression fr the slightest emotion change. she’s quite confident n can p much mke a conversation out of whatever. sort of independent too like she hs a bunch of friends bt she doesn’t care abt going out places alone if she’s in a certain Mood n jst wants...... to get into chaos. she’s probably kind of known around campus bt itd b a 50/50 balance between bein known as intimidating n bein known as That One Girl tht always gets into anarchy

likes: fishnets, stealing cars, water guns and whiskey

dislikes: amy schumer, honesty, yellow tulips and going home

#water:intro #abuse tw #hospitalisation tw #depression tw #alcoholism tw #drugs tw #disappearance tw #murder tw #death tw #grief tw #self harm tw #ok i think tht covers them all #alcohol tw

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elaizahramirez · 5 years

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THE JOURNEY TO FINALLY FINDING MYSELF AND LOVING MYSELF AFTER YEARS OF BEING LOST STARTS NOW

Hi, sooo I really made this tumblr account not to be famous or whatsoever but to be my outlet like a virtual diary... A blog where I can freely post whatever I want because this is the only platform that most of the people I know don’t use. Last Saturday [October 12, 2019] was hard for me. I broke up with my 5 year boyfriend after realizing how much he’s been verbally abusing me. It was too much to handle that out of impulse I said I wanna broke up with him. He agreed without a fight, He let me go... Sunday, October 13 2019 — After feeling the impact of what I did I kinda regretted it. Because of course, I super duper love him with my whole heart that I can take everything, even pain just to be with him. So I messaged him, tried fixing it, asked him if he still love me... the only reply I got was “I love you, but I don’t wanna fight for you. And if you really want to, then it’s up to you. But for me, I really don’t want to anymore” fuck. All I can say is fuck. Well my reply was “okay, thank you so mhch for everything. I promise you won’t hear anything from me. I love you. Goodbye” and after that blocked him. it was painful. So fucking painful to the point Im having a hard time to breathe. It was so fucking painful. I put my heart and soul to that relationship. Putting him first before me, loving him whole heartedly, giving him all the love, money, patience, understanding that I can give. I FUCKING FORGIVE HIM A LOT EVEN THO IT’S WAY TOO PAINFUL FOR ME. All i do is forgive and forgive and forgive so yes when I say it’s painful to be slapped in the face that the person you love and willing to dodge a bullet for, can’t do the same for you IT’S TRUE. I’m mad because I felt like left when he found an open door to leave... HE GRABBED THE CHANCE THAT HE WAS THE ONE BEING LEFT BEHIND SO HE DOESN’T LOOK BAD TO OTHER PEOPLE.. SO I’M THE BAD PERSON IN THIS STORY BECAUSE IM THE ONE WHO BROKE UP WITH HIM FIRST RIGHT? but no, i have my reasons. AND ALL MY REASONS ARE VALID AND WITH PROOF. after crying the whole night. I then realized a thing. That this is partially my fault. You know why?? because I didn’t love myself enough to fight for myself. And that’s why I just let people manipulate me, and step over me again and again and again. I hated myself for letting me get hurt and get mentally tortured. After realizing this, I realized that no matter how much it hurts.. I will never want to go back in that relationship again. I WILL NEVER GO BACK. before, i would always go back as soon as he cries begging for my forgiveness. it’s also one thing I hate about myself. I AM VERY FORGIVING AND A LOT OF PEOPLE TAKE THAT FOR GRANTED. So I learned. I learned that I need to stop forgiving people who doesn’t even deserve it in the first place. I love my ex boyfriend so much. I loved him more than I loved myself. and that’s my mistake. I shouldn’t love anybody like this. After all this realization. I made a firm decision, that I will abide by my promise (which is he will never hear from me ever again). I atleast owe myself that. I should respect myself enough to be firm in every ultimatum and every thing I say. Life without him is hard, and sad. I’m not used of not taking care of him. not waking him up to go to school and work, not waking up early to talk to him, not saving his ass whenever he fails and many more. But I guess this is the end of that chapter of my life. And this is where self love, self care and self discovery begins. after 4 days since the break up... I decided to disappear and isolate myself. Because I felt like I seek too much emotional support from friends that I can’t handle myself alone.. I don’t need that. I wanna learn how to be strong alone. And Also, I am obsessed by looking if my ex viewed my ig stories, if he’s thinking about me or if he’s miserable without me. It is draining. even tho disappearing and isolating myself will be hard for me because I am a person that likes to socialize. I just don’t wanna be a burden to my friends because they have their own problems and life too. I don’t wanna spread negativity everyday

I don’t wanna give that heavy energy everyday. That’s why I’m doing this for me. I’m doing this for them too. I was lost because of my past relationship. I was a happy girl before, and now I have depression, I isolate myself and have trust issues. clearly thi relationship broke me piece by piece and it’s my responsibility now to put myself back together wthout the help of anyone. ONE MONTH OF FULL SELF RECOVERY AND DEDICATION. im just giving myself one month to back off, breathe, think and see my life in a different perspective. I love my past relationship, and i’m grateful for it. Because if it weren’t for him. I wouldn’t be so motivated to be stronger and better today. Today is the start. Sooo for this I will post everyday like a usual journal of what happened, what I learned and etc. So I can have something to look back at.. SO I CAN HAVE SOMETHING THAT I WILL BE PROUD OF MYSELF. I’m proud of myself for breaking up with my ex, because finally after so many years I had the guts to choose myself. even tho i regretted it a day after... but after that I just wanna focus on myself more. And just be happy I did it. Because if I didn’t probably i’ll just be crying again everyday because of how my ex treats me. he’s not a bad person. it’s just that we all have our issues and maybe he has his issues that he doesn’t know how to deal with. anyways I just love him. so for this challenge that I put myself on, HAHA i will not be talking to my friends, I will not be going through social media, I won’t be posting anything on any social media accounts except my youtube channel and this tumblr account. That’s it. I will post another blog about my checklist and how I plan to do it lol. anyways to whoever is reading this. I love you, and whatever it is that you’re experiencing right now, YOU WILL SURVIVE. My goal after this challenge, is to be okay, happier, stronger and braver 🥰

#self love #selfworth #self made #self care #isolating myself #come back stronger #how to come back stronger than before

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maplestreetsims · 6 years

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get to know me tag!

so, i came to catfish you all with my updated simself, also i made her with alpha cc bc why not?

I saw @galaxsims did this and i thought it might be fun, so the point of this is to make a simself and answer some q’s so people get to know you better

I’m going to tag anyone who wants to do this, Just go crazy

- trash under cut -

1. What is your full name? Constanza

2. What is your nickname? most people call me coti, i had a few friends that called me constance tho

3. Birthday? July 1, 2000

4. What is your favorite book series? i dont read as much as i used to so i dont have one

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? aliens yes, ghosts...maybe? just for the spookines of it all tbh

6. Who is your favorite author? i dont read dont come for me

7. What is your favorite radio station? i never listen to the radio, mostly spotify

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? anything cheese flavored, or like pizza? idk im thinkin chips here

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? amazing, cool!

10. What is your current favorite song? literally queens entire discography??? like i saw bohemian rhapsody last week, i liked queen before but now im like on hyperdrive or something

11. What is your favorite word? chaos

12. What was the last song you listened to? Somebody to love, by (you guessed it) queen

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? hmm... i dont know, skam, maybe freaks and geeks

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? pride (2014) always makes me feel happy when i watch it, i really like it

15. Do you play video games? yes

16. What is your biggest fear? Ending up alone, but not romantically, more of like no friends, or family

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? i dont know... i just try to be a good person?? like i put myself in others peoples shoes and treat them how i would like to be treated i guess, bc i know how its like being treated like shit and i wouldnt want that for anyone lol

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? my socializing skills? or lack thereof

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? i like them both the same

20. What is your favorite season? i dont like any season sjdjsdk

21. Are you in a relationship? nope

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? just.. happiness?? not only my own but like everyone in my family (yikes) also my innocence

23. Who is your best friend? haha ha

24. What is your eye color? brown

25. What is your hair color? Dark brown

26. Who is someone you love? no one honestly, maybe my pets?

27. Who is someone you trust? literally anyone who is nice to me, that’s bad

28. Who is someone you think about often? my friends, classmates

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? nothing currently

30. What is your biggest obsession? The sims, life is strange and detroit become human.....also queen?, weird combinations

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? Art attack! also the cocodrile hunter??? that was my shit!!

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? I know i just said i trust everyone but like....i dont open up, like ever

33. Are you superstitious? No

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? Elevators?? and cars...are those phobias?

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Behind

36. What is your favorite hobby? Editing, playin sims... u know

37. What was the last book you read? I cant remember fghjkljhg probably something for school

38. What was the last movie you watched? Bohemian rhapsody rip

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? i wish i could play any musical instrument, but i suck tbh

40. What is your favorite animal? cats and dogs™

41. What are your top 5 7 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow?

@pollinationqueen @cosmic-espie @omiscanking @bloomlet @gunthermunch @cowberrys and @mellocakes ♥♥

42. What superpower do you wish you had? telekinesis??? um hell yeah why would anyone want anything else

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? this is weird but when im riding the bus home, listening to music

44. What makes you smile? my simblr, youtube videos...

45. What sports do you play, if any? i wish

46. What is your favorite drink? coca cola beech!

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? I dont even remember, but i had to write something like that around this year at least

48. Are you afraid of heights? yes

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? it used to be hearing people chew, but i think im over it

50. Have you ever been to a concert? no, never

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? No

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? a vet

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? idk sis

54. What is something you worry about? my future, and my life

55. Are you scared of the dark? sometimes

56. Do you like to sing? yes, only when im alone

57. Have you ever skipped school? yeah, but i tried not to, it felt like i was missing out and that kinda made me feel like shit??

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? i dont think i have one, but more like a bunch of them? and only at specific times if that make sense, like the outside of that theater at nightime when i went to see a play with my friends a while ago

59. Where would you like to live? mmm maybe the usa? or anywhere where i could get to speak english all the time

60. Do you have any pets? a cat and a dog, Mercury and Candy!

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Night owl, def

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Sunsets, im never up for sunrises anyways, unless i stayed up all night

63. Do you know how to drive? no but i hope that i do at some point, although im scared of cars

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? headphones

65. Have you ever had braces? nope, my teeth are as straight as me

66. What is your favorite genre of music? rock, indie...maybe pop rock?

67. Who is your hero? i dont have one

68. Do you read comic books? not really

69. What makes you the most angry? myself sometimes

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? Real book all the way, when i do read that is

71. What was your favorite subject in school? cinematography class???? idk how it translates properly but that was my fave, although the teacher fucking ruined it for all of us tbh

72. Do you have any siblings? nope

73. What was the last thing you bought? a bus ticket

74. How tall are you? 4′9...yikes

75. Can you cook? not at all

76. What are three things that you love? this blog, my family and my pets

77. What are three things that you hate? hooo boy

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? i have 0 friends what does that mean? jk i actually would say its pretty equal

79. What is your sexual orientation? yes

80. Where do you currently live? Uruguay, montevideo

81. Who was the last person you texted? my dad

82. When was the last time you cried? last week

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? jenna and julien, and probably every sims youtuber(seriously)

84. Do you like to take selfies? not so much

85. What is your favorite app? tumblr, or youtube

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? its alright

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? portugeese

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? mmm all of them

89. What is your favorite number? 7

90. Can you juggle? Nop

91. Are you religious? no

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? The ocean

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? hahah no

94. Are you allergic to anything? i used to be allergic to a bunch of shit when i was a kid but im not allergic to it anymore?? like chocolate, oranges....cats, and dust

95. Can you curl your tongue? Yes

96. Can you wiggle your ears? Yes

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? always hopefully

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? Forest

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? i dont really ask for advice that often so...idk

100. Are you a good liar? No, but i try

101. What is your Hogwarts House? Hufflepuff

102. Do you talk to yourself? i used to talk to myself all the time, but now i barely do it, thats a good thing right?

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Introvert

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? no, i used to when i was a kid but it was pure garbage

105. Do you believe in second chances? Depends

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? look for an id to see if i cant turn it in, if not....well

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? Yes, but only in certain things

108. Are you ticklish? i dont even know, probably not

109. Have you ever been on a plane? no

110. Do you have any piercings? yeah, my ears

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? idk

112. Do you have any tattoos? No, but hopefully i will some day!

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? i dont know....

114. Do you believe in karma? yeah

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? no

116. Do you want children? yeah why not

117. Who is the smartest person you know? honestly i don’t know

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? doing a cindirella theatre play for my school when i was 12, i was cindirella, i dont wanna talk about it njxkcfxf

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? not that i remember, i always end up falling asleep, dosent matter if its like 10 minutes

120. What color are most of you clothes? green.........i dont even like green

121. Do you like adventures? yeah maybe, depends on what it is

122. Have you ever been on TV? yeah i have actually lmao, it was on a kids tv show

123. How old are you? 18

124. What is your favorite quote? “We don’t make mistakes, just happy little accidents”

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? savory!!

#tag game #saviorhide #me stuff #non sims #simself #get to know me tag

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amm-loover · 6 years

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SUPER LONG KO/TKO CHARACTER ANALYSIS POST THAT NOBODY ASKED FOR (part 1)

Hey guys so can we talk about KO/TKO for a bit?

So remember when TKO first showed up in the appropriately titled episode TKO.

So in this episode, TKO is revealed to have always been a part of KO. He was just little blob of negative energy and even then he was in a cage.

Weather KO realizes it or not, he has been forcing his negative emotions deep down inside him for what we can assume is his whole life.

The fact the when KO was finally pushed to his breaking point by Shadowy Figure to the point where it manifested his negativity into an entirely separate being able to take control of the body speaks volumes to me.

But if we take a closer look at things, That means KO has been angry all this time and hasn’t had a healthy outlet for his frustration, all this time. Meaning, TKO hasn’t had a healthy outlet all this time, not to mention he was trapped in a cage like an animal on top of it all.

When TKO challenges Rad and Enid to a power battle, he states “I told you, it’s T.K.O.. And I’m a whole different animal now.“

Honestly, i think that line says more than what it sounds like. TKO has been trapped in that cage, like an animal, for so long, that he considers himself to be an animal, even when he is free, he still identifies as an animal, just an animal that is no longer caged.

Now before we talk about all the violent things TKO has done, let’s talk about the non violent things he has done.

In his debut episode, TKO finally came to be and is told to go show his friends his new power.

When he gets to the scene Enid and Rad are obviously in deep trouble.

TKO swoops in and saves the day, absolutely obliterating the huge Darrell.

Even if it was for the selfish purpose of showing off, I don’t think that’s all it was.

One of the things that caused TKO to even come out of KO’s mind was Rad, Enid, and Mr.Gar’s words.

“Power isn’t everything, at least you’re cute”

“Good hustle kid”

“You’ll catch up to us someday...or not”

Now with as angry as TKO gets later in the episode from simply being called cute by Enid again, why wasn’t he angry enough to attack them right there?

No seriouly. TKO was very mad and was told to go show his friends how powerful he’s always been. Not show them your power by saving them from Darrell.

Honestly if TKO is really so hostile and careless as he is shown to be later within the same episode, why didn’t he just attack Rad and Enid right there?

After he defeats Darrell and ushers his new name, TKO goes home. With his mom. Yet another person who triggered him to even manifest in the first place.

In KO/TKO’s words “Mom said hard work will make me strong, but it hasn’t!”

Meaning he is also mad at her for “wasting his time” Just as he is mad at Shadowy Figure for sort of doing the same thing, saying “You said getting mad at my friends would work, but it hasn’t!”

Like, KO/TKO was willing to believe in his mother’s advice, after all he went along with it for a while, but he became so impatient with his mother’s way of training that he was willing to get mad at his friends, which he clearly didn’t want to do in the freaking first place.

Now back to Carol, If TKO was ready to beat up his own mother at the plaza in the episode’s nearing climax, what the frick was keeping him so chill?

Like FOR A FULL DAY!?

TKO, an actual manifestation of negativity and anger decided against fighting his friends and mother so he could go home with his mom, presumably eat dinner with her, record a video on KO’s video channel (as shown in the episode KO’s Video Channel) go to sleep, and wake up the next morning and then the meanest thing he does then is take her eyeliner without asking. (and then he yelled at her when she was in the background of his video so i guess that’s pretty mean too)

And when Carol asks about it, TKO just calmly says “I don’t feel like talking right now” and casually turns up his metal music. And the Carol turns it down. Now you’d think TKO would get mad at that little action. Like “Ugh! MOM! I want to listen to my music louder!” But no, he just lets her turn it down and continues to look out the window while she drives him to work.

AND THAT’S ANOTHER THING!!! WHY THE HECK IS TKO EVEN BOTHERING TO GO TO WORK AT ALL?!

Like based on the personality we have been shown so far, why wouldn’t TKO wanna stay at home and be his edgy self, maybe re-record his video diary in privacy or do his nails and make-up and dress in black and listen to his music loud and break a few things. Why is he going to work?

And why is he like, for real doing the work? Albeit, haphazardly but doing it nonetheless.

And honestly, it super clear that TKO not only doesn’t want to be bothered but also doesn't really wanna bother others anyway. He ultimately just wants some space. Like any edgy child/teen.

I mean, he’s not even really mean to Enid and Rad. Maybe a little rude, but not really mean. He manages to hold a conversation with Enid, correcting her on his name, answering her question, and yeah he insults her by calling her a “wage slave” but he probably felt insulted since she called his answer to a question she asked “dramatic”. TKO was probably thinking: “You insult my world view, fine, I insult who you are.”

And yeah he ignores Rad, who is obviously trying to impress him, but TKO wasn’t impressed. If you think about it, TKO could have made fun of him or something but he didn’t he chose to ignore.

And like I said, TKO clearly had no intentions of doing anything particularly bad that day. It looks like he just wants to get through the day. That’s probably why he came to work, he just wants an excuse to fight another robot. Might as well occupy himself while he waits i guess.

I mean look at him. He is 100% chill and clearly wants to be left alone.

And then Rad and Enid come in and ruin his whole little mojo.

Now I know Enid and Rad are just trying to be good friends, they think KO is in some sort of Funk™ and they wanna cheer him up. And they do a sort of good job at trying, but during this, TKO is clearly struggling to get out of Rad’s arms. (honestly in my opinion, they should've took that as a hint and really leave him alone)

But that’s yet another thing! TKO, you know how strong you are. You DESTROYED the giant bomb Darrell bot in a single slash! And he was made of metal! Surely you know you are perfectly capable of getting out of Rad’s fleshy grip.

He does know. He is 1000% aware that he can get out of that grip. But he also knows that if he does, it will probably hurt Rad.

Remember, when he was talking about his metaphorical pizza worldview thing? He said “so called friends”

Guys, TKO identifies Rad and Enid as his friends, even if they laugh at him.

KO really doesn’t wanna do anything, the upcoming outburst that he is about to have wasn’t his intention.

Eventually he even stops struggling when Enid begins to shove nachos in his face. Almost as if he’s just gonna let them be annoying. But then Enid had to go and call him....

“Cute stuff...”

Alright, so we all know what happens from this point. Enid’s final “cute” is the final straw for TKO’s temper. He finally breaks free from Rad’s grip (without a single frame of struggle.) and challenges his friends to a power battle.

As the power battle continues, TKO becomes more and more aggressive and almost like he’s a predator after his prey. And notice how Enid is his target. Both times when Rad steps in to help Enid fight, TKO gets rid of him really quickly and begins focusing on Enid again.

When Enid tells on him to Carol, notice he doesn’t attack right away, he just scoffs/growls like an angsty child/teen.

He doesn’t even really target Carol of anyone, he just starts being destructive on things.

Then Gar show’s up and says “I love your mom”, which manages to catch TKO off guard.

He is genuinely confused and he almost seemed ready to hear Mr.Gar out on the sudden topic but when Gar goes and changes the subject and starts spouting compliments at him.

Now while his compliments arent really lies? You can hear in Gar’s voice that he doesn’t fully mean what he is saying and he is clearly only saying to try an calm him down.

And we all know when people are really angry, that last thing you want to tell them is to calm down.

So then TKO just snaps, he’s had absolutely enough!

There’s a blind rush going through him right now, he’s never had the chance to let out all this pent up rage. It feels great! All his life he’s been caged and now he’s out. Who care’s if someone gets hurt! letting out these years of rage, proving once and for all that I am strong, stronger than everyone! It feels great!

Who’s next!

“any last words”

Then the episode ends with TKO getting put back in the cage after KO save his mom. Not the best idea..

Now, im not trying to say TKO is justified for trying to punch his his own mother, he obviously never wanted to. I’m just saying he had a lot of pent up rage and frustration and he was just a ticking time bomb of destructive emotion that was waiting to explode, waiting for someone to push that last button.

AKA: Enid’s “cute stuff” comment and Mr. Gar’s somewhat “empty praise”

This whole thing, in my opinion, was just the result of KO holing in his anger and frustration for all those years. If you do that, you are bound to become a toxic version of yourself sooner or later. And sooner or later that means you will hurt those you hold dear to you.

This also lets us know a little something about TKO.

He’s a person. Yes, he is a manifestation of rage, but he has interests outside of that. He enjoys his music and dark make up and he likes making video diaries just as much as the original KO. TKO is a person and deserves to be treated like one, after all he’s been through. Yeesh...

Now let’s move on to TKO’s second major appearance:

COMING SOON IN A PART 2 POST (honestly i can’t put all my thoughts in one post)

#ok ko let's be heroes #ko #ok ko tko #tko #ok ko enid #radicles #ok ko rad #ok ko carol #character analysis #ok ko character analysis

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haikyuutrash11 · 6 years

Text

GET TO KNOW ME!

1: My name? Jess, but most online people call me Jet

2: Do I have any nicknames? I have loads of nicknames and I pretty much answer to slurred words too lmao

3: Zodiac sign? Taurus

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? Overwatch

5: Book/series I reread? Junjou romantica and a few others

6: Aliens or ghosts? I like both... but I guess aliens

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? @yakulev-trash

8: Favourite radio station? don't have one... oh wait... maybe kerrang

9: Favourite flavour of anything? toffee

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? sick

11: Favourite song? worst question to ever be asked... fuck knows fam

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? got any kinks? lmao

13: Favourite word? yaaaars

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? my ex and no I do not

15: Last song I listened to? post Malone better now

16: TV show I always recommend? the big bang theory or anything Michael McIntyre

17: Pirates or ninjas? ninjas

18: Movie I watch when I'm feeling down? I don't really watch a lot of films to be honest

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? at the moment BTS- idol ft minaj

20: Favourite video games? overwatch, rayman, bloodbourne

21: What am I most afraid of? losing my son

22: A good quality of mine? non judgemental

23: A bad quality of mine? quick to assume

24: Cats or dogs? dogs

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they're in? Jason stathem

26: Favourite season? winter

27: Am I in a relationship? no im happily single

28: Something I miss? lay ins

29: My best friend? Jody and wife

30: Eye colour? blue

31: Hair colour? at the moment its half purple half red

32: Someone I love? Yaku! my omega :D

33: Someone I trust? my mum

34: Someone I always think about? my son

35: Am I excited about anything? Haikyuu season 4

36: My current obsession? Reinhardt x Lucio smut

37: Favourite TV shows as a child? Sailor moon and digimon

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? yeah, my gay American friend Jacob

39: Am I superstitious? nahhhh

40: What do I think about most? getting all my shit sorted

41: Do I have any strange phobias? ……. nunu from teletubies and wind turbines

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind it

43: Favourite hobbies? writing, gaming, painting, drawing

44: Last book I read? deviations submissions

45: Last film I watched? 47 ronin

46: Do I play any instruments? I used to play the violin and guitar. but don't anymore, although I do want to learn piano

47: Favourite animal? leopard

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? bun that

49: Superpower I wish I could have? telekinesis

50: How do I destress? vape

51: Do I like confrontation? mate I love that shit

52: When do I feel most at peace? when im cuddling my son

53: What makes me smile? a few things... okay a lot of things but too many things to name

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? off, what made man sleeps with them on?!?!

55: Play any sports? pfffffft

56: What is my song of the week? why is there so many song questions

57: Favourite drink? milk

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? ………… hand...…. written...…. letter?

59: Afraid of heights? nope

60: Pet peeve? chewing gum loudly

61: What was the last concert I went to see? reading festival and I only went to see metallica lol

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? no

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? red arrow pilot

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? yeah

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? Haikyuu… and I would be such a slut lol

66: Something I worry about? all the legal stuff im going through right now

67: Scared of the dark? embrace the dark

68: Who are my best friends? what... like you want me to name them all?????

69: What do I admire most about others? honesty. if a person is honest with me all the way through then I will really appreciate them

70: Can I sing? don't think so

71: Something I wish I could do? dance and play the piano

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? treat my mum and dad to what ever they wanted and the fly over to Hawaii and be with my omega and then move to Japan

73: Have I ever skipped school? no kids don't skip school!

74: Favourite place on the planet? Tokyo

75: Where do I want to live? Tokyo

76: Do I have any pets? nope

77: What is my current desktop picture? Kuroo and Tsukki in suits sat on a sofa

78: Early bird or night owl? night owl

79: Sunsets or sunrise? sunsets

80: Can I drive? legally no

81: Story behind my last kiss? goodbye lmao

82: Earphones or headphones? headphones

83: Have I ever had braces? yes for 2 years then I didn't wear my retainer and they moved back lmao

84: Story behind one of my scars? I have a scar at the top of my finger where I caught it in the part of the door where it locks and I was on skates and slipped and chopped my finger off. I went running to my mum and she put the tip back on and rushed me to hospital lmao

85: Favourite genre of music? metal

86: Who is my hero? my mum

87: Favourite comic book character? do overwatch comics count? if so then Genji

88: What makes me really angry? having to repeat myself

89: Kindle or real book? real book

90: Favourite sporty activity? *throws up*

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? sorting out bullies

92: What was my favourite subject at school?

93: Siblings? yes 3... 2 sisters and 1 brother

94: What was the last thing I bought? bread

95: How tall am I? 5″8

96: Can I cook? yes I can

97: Can I bake? indeed

98: 3 things I love? anime, Tsukki, and petals

99: 3 things I hate? slow updates, not getting haikyuu season 4 and my ex lmao

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? boy friends

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? usually boys

102: Where was I born? Hastings UK

103: Sexual orientation? pansexual

104: Where do I currently live? Hastings

105: Last person I texted? my mum

106: Last time I cried? I couple of weeks ago

107: Guilty pleasure? im not guilty about any of my pleasures ;)

108: Favourite Youtuber? the anime man

109: A photo of myself. nope

110: Do I like selfies? if im the one taking it

111: Favourite game app? summoners war

112: My relationship with my parents? really good with mum and a bit rocky with dad

113: Favourite accents? Australian

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? Hawaii to visit my omega

115: Favourite number? 7

116: Can I juggle? not a chance

117: Am I religious? science

118: Do I like space? yes

119: Do I like the deep ocean? nooooooo

120: Am I much of a daredevil? yeah, stupidly sometimes ahahaha

121: Am I allergic to anything? peanuts

122: Can I curl my tongue? yeah I can ;)

123: Can I wiggle my ears? yeeeeeee

124: Do I like clowns? I don't hate clowns?

125: The Beatles or Elvis? the beatles

126: My current project? wildest dreams

127: Am I a bad loser? sometimes

128: Do I admit when I wrong? yes I do

129: Forest or beach? forest

130: Favourite piece of advice? “each day is a gift and not a given right”

131: Am I a good liar? I am really!!! shit at lying. I twitch and stutter, its not pretty.

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? Hogwarts house- Slytherin

133: Do I talk to myself? sometimes

134: Am I very social? I can be

135: Do I like gossip? its like asking if I like to breath

136: Do I keep a journal/diary? nahhhhh

137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? I failed a few tests

138: Do I believe in second chances? yeah

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? find the ID and return it

140: Do I believe people are capable of change? no

141: Have I ever been underweight? nahhhhhh

142: Am I ticklish? yes, very...its embarrassing

143: Have I ever been in a submarine? I have but it wasn't going under water lol

144: Have I ever been on a plane? indeed I have

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? rebel Wilson to be me, Melissa McCarthy to be my mum lol

146: Have I ever been overweight? yeah still am a thic bit ahaha

147: Do I have any piercings? yes I have 10

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? Tsukki or Kuroo maybe even Yamaguchi for best friend material or Tanaka for banta

149: Do I have any tattoos? yes I have 4

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? to break up with my ex lmao

151: Do I believe in Karma? 100%

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? no I have perfect vision

153: What was my first car? n/a

154: Do I want children? if I didn't then I would be pretty fucked now ahaha

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? I did have a friend called Aaron and he was very very very very smart

156: My most embarrassing memory? I don't get embarrassed

157: What makes me nostalgic? the smell of clay

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? yes many times

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? brains

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? black lmao!!

161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? yeah loads lol

162: What do I hate most about myself? my weight

163: What do I love most about myself? ugh.... my humour lol

164: Do I like adventure? hell yeah!

165: Do I believe in fate? yes I do

166: Favourite animal? …. wasn't this already asked? well in case you forgot! leopard

167: Have I ever been on radio? nope

168: Have I ever been on TV? yes I have hehehehe

169: How old am I? 25

170: One of my favourite quotes? because we don't have wings we look for ways to fly

171: Do I hold grudges? a few

172: Do I trust easily? no I really don't

173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? yeah, its important to always learn from your mistakes

174: Best gift I’ve ever received? a child

175: Do I dream? I dream big fam

176: Have I ever had a night terror? yeah and its fucking horrible and wouldn't wish it upon anyone!!

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? I do remember most of my dreams. one that comes to mind was a very very smutty one between a haikyuu pairing but I wont say it because ill be adding it to wildest dreams hehehehehe

178: An experience that has made me stronger? a break up from a long term relationship has made me grow as a person

179: If I were immortal, what would I do? try and become what ive always wanted to

180: Do I like shopping? I love shopping but only if I know what im going for or if I have money to spend

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? murder

182: What does “family” mean to me? it means home

183: What is my spirit animal? a leopard or a bunny lol

184: How do I want to be remembered? I want to be remembered for having a sense of humour and for being very accepting

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? dancing

186: What is my greatest failure? not passing some gcse’s

187: What is my greatest achievement? becoming a mum

188: Love or money? love

189: Love or career? career

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? to the future about 5 years

191: What makes me the happiest? when my son is laughing and when I talk to the people I love

192: What is “home” to me? home is where the heart is

193: What motivates me? ive had to be my own motivator most of my life

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? just lost the game

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? yeah but the seem to only kid nap dumb arses

196: A movie that scared me as a child? robo cop lmao

197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? toad in the hole

198: Zombies or vampires? vampires

199: Live in the city or suburbs? city

200: Dragons or wizards? dragons

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? dunno

202: How do I define love? it cant be defined by another person, each person has to figure out there own type of love and for what reason and if it matters to them then no one else can judge

203: Do I judge a book by its cover? hell no I don't! I love people for who they are as a person not there appearance

204: Have I ever had my heart broken? yes of course

205: Do I like my handwriting? nahhhh my hand writing is horrible

206: Sweet or savoury? savoury

207: Worst job I’ve had? caravan park... cleaning them ><

208: Do I collect anything? anime stuff!!! :D

209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? shoes lmao!

210: What is on my bucket list? to move to Japan, to learn Japanese, to become an author, to learn an instrument.... the list goes on

211: How do I handle anger? not very well ahahahaha

212: Was I named after anyone? no I wasn't

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? pfffft me? would I ever? of course not! *looks to the corner*

214: What TV character am I most like? ermmmmmmmmmmmm I would say a mix between Rosa from Brooklyn nine nine and Michael McIntyre

215: What is the weirdest talent I have? erm… I can twitch my nose and move my ears at the same time without touching them

216: Favourite fictional character? Tsukki

#questions #answers #about me #truth #to many questions #got lazy #bite me

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