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harrysmimi · 2 years

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Lovely

Chapter 17: First Step

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It was Christmas!

Hebe was spending time with her Dadda, her grandma and her Aunty Gem. She got along so well with them as well, she was a little shy for a day.

YN went to shopping alone for Hebe and herself. Hebe needed a lot more warm clothes here as she is not used to cold weather in London. Hebe was doing just fine, she doesn't have any fever or cold anymore she's back to being her cheeky little toddler self, running around wearing her iconic dresses and sparkly shoes.

It's been different since YN came to London to have Hebe meet her grandmother and Aunty Gemma. She's been spending days with her dad and YN would then go and pick her up at night before dinner. She was feeling a little— no, she was feeling very left out. YN was so used to having Hebe all to herself and she'd find fun stuff to do with her or take her out on Mummy-daughter dates to parks or to movies or something fun at home. December was the favourite month of the year for YN now as Hebe wouldn't want to go out in cold much, she'd cuddle up to her Mummy, because she is warm and cosy. YN loved that, and she does not work in December what so ever! From the second week of December to second week of January are only dedicated to Princess Hebe!

Today, YN thought she'd bring herself up to ask Harry to let her have Hebe today and he can take her the next day. But Hebe enjoyed so much at her Grandma's house, she'd rant about her day to YN all morning about what she did the day before her dad would come and get her. And it is Christmas day. YN didn't wanted her to not enjoy her day, she worried now Hebe wouldn't want to be with her Mummy as she seems to enjoy her Grandma and Aunty's company so much! Couple of days ago she didn't wanted to go back with her Mummy at night. YN was hurt but she's a toddler she's gonna do what she pleases, YN can't really scold her for that. She doesn't scold her daughter for anything at all.

"Dadda is here!" Hebe gasped hearing the door bell ring. YN chuckled at her excitement and went to get the door and yes it was Harry.

"Dadda!" Hebe ran towards her dad and jumped on him. Every morning they meet like they haven't seen each other in decades!

"Happy Chwis'mas!" Hebe celebrated.

"Happy Christmas Princess!" Harry kissed her head.

"She needs to change then you can take her." YN said.

"Yeah, okay!" Harry nodded. He came a little early today to get her. "What about we eat some chocolate doughnuts before we go out?"

"Yes!" Hebe celebrated.

"Alright, I'll go and get your clothes ready for you yeah?" YN patted Hebe's head.

"I got doughnuts for everyone, YN." Harry stopped her grabbing her wrist.

"Oh! You, you didn't had to." YN stuttered feeling the warmth of his hand.

"It's okay, I wanted to. Come on." He walked to the dining area.

"I gon' go get pwates!" Hebe wiggled down her dad's arms and ran to the kitchen. YN made sure to supervise her as she took out the dishes from the lower drawers and jogged back out, she kept the plates on the table and climbed up on her dad's lap. YN pulled herself a chair as well. Harry served one doughnut each on three plates. They were chocolate hazelnut doughnuts!

YN doesn't try to intrude in his family time just because he have her daughter. Some times Anne would forcefully make her stay and have dinner with them but that was all. Harry has been super caring lately. Not only for Hebe but for her too. Of course he would have his alone time with Hebe and take her out little daddy-daughter date, but he'd make sure to have YN involved with them most of the time. He loved to spend time with both of them. Though he have now stopped trying as hard to get back with her as before. He have realised he just can't force her because they have a child together.

YN didn't wanted to be alone without Hebe today at all. She cried whilst in shower this morning when Hebe was sleeping. She is her mum, she misses her. And it's been new and hard for her to leave her daughter.

Harry noticed that YN was very slow getting Hebe ready for her day today. She gave her a bath, washed and dried her hair. Put her in nice pretty clothes. Now she was braiding her hair into fishtail braids which take a lot of time and Hebe is going to be wearing a beanie anyway. It was just her subconscious trying to spend more time with her. Hebe was very patient with her Mummy as well. They laughed and giggled on their inside jokes. Yes the Mummy and baby have inside jokes!

"I can get her shoes on. Now you go and get ready. We'll all go to Grandma's together." Harry said, he smiled at Hebe who's face lit up at her Grandma's name. Hebe loved Anne's cats so much!

"No, I don't to intrude. But thank you." YN shook her head trying to hold back her tears she crouched down in front of Hebe. She was sitting on the edge of her bed with her sock covered feet dangling down. YN put her shoes on for her and tied the laces quickly for her.

"You won't be intruding anything. Come on, Mum would love to have you over." Harry stressed a tiny bit.

"It's fine Harry." YN was not going to get herself attached to Anne. She dangerously reminded YN of her own mum. Anne is very loving and caring and that's what YN has been craving for years now. And even Gemma, she was older than her but she is so much like her little sister. YN was not going to let her attachment issues get to her.

......................................................................

YN was alone now. She doesn't work during her break and have her emails pending all month but as she had nothing to do, she started going through her emails. She was being approached for a new movie. It was a RomCom. But she was done with her emails sooner than she thought.

She was missing her sister so she played their stupid little vlogs they made for fun. It was just filled with giggles and her sister's antiques. The pranks they pulled on their mother together. It was something which did not made her cry but laugh. She paused the video when she heard a knock on her door. It was three in afternoon. It was also Hebe's afternoon nap time, she haven't received any text from Harry on how she is doing. She'd text him but she doesn't want to interrupt. YN went to get the door. It was Harry.

"Where is Hebe?" YN asked the furst thing.

"Hello to you too darling. And she is napping at mum's don't worry. Mum have invited you over now." He explained.

"What? Oh- I... Ummm... I don't think I should be going. I don't want to you know... Intrude." She stuttered trying to find right words.

"For the last time lovely, you're not going to intrude anything. Come on, go put on your coat. Hebe will he very happy to see you as well." He insisted.

"I don't know Harry, your family will be there." She shook her head.

"It's just going to be me, Hebe, Mum and Gemma." He said, "Mum didn't wanted to overwhelm Hebe with a bunch of new people and I wouldn't let that happen anyway. At least not without your consent, you're her Mummy afterall. So go on and get your coat and hat."

She just looked at him with the slightest hint of a puppy's gaze in her eyes. He could tell she was trying hard not to have a breakdown or at least not show any signs of vulnerability in front of him. She's been this way since he have met her again. It was a scary thing for her, he knew her way too well for her liking.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing." She shook her head as she walked in living room and shut her laptop and went back to her work around the house.

"Bring Hebe back if you don't want to leave Harry. You can't just leave her alone there even if she is napping." She told him seeing him lounge on her sofa like a king.

"She's with my mum." Harry said.

"You know she is a handful some times. You are her dad be responsible and don't make me second guess my decisions now Harry!" She warned him.

YN have noticed her anger issues have been getting a little worse from past few days. Harry is annoying her. He's being annoyingly caring not just towards their daughter— as he should!— but towards her too. He'd have her involved her in little things he would plan with Hebe. She was so angry that he have the audacity to leave her like that, avoid such a vulnerable conversation of confessing their feelings for each other everytime she brought it up, she let him be around her daughter, and he's being lovely and caring towards her. She wanted to punch a hole in the cement wall so fucking bad!

She still loves and cares about him so much that she's mad at him. She felt pathetic! She wouldn't care about anyone who have broken her heart as bad as he have. Her mum and sister always told her how scary it is that how easily she cut people off who means no good for her. Why couldn't she bring herself to do it with him? Just tell him to go fuck himself somewhere else and get the fuck out of her life? Shouldn't be that hard.

"Harry!" She barged out of kitchen and stood towering over him, "either go bring my daughter back to me, or leave and be there with her!"

YN doesn't know how Hebe really is with his mum and sister. They're amazing people. But Hebe is just too young, she needs her Mummy, Harry knows that too. He was shitting his pants when she was throwing a fit the first time she spend the night at his when she didn't saw her Mummy. Of course she is very attached to her Grandma and Aunty Gems but she cried the other day YN took a little longer to go get her because she was stuck in traffic. YN hates seeing even her eyes getting teary!

"Alright, chill out." Harry said simply, "I need you to come with me and you can bring her back yourself. Of course, if she wants to."

"You took her yourself and bring her back yourself, you know I'm keeping very detailed tabs on you with her!" YN was really pissed. "I swear to god if Anne calls you now saying she is crying. I will literally kill you!"

"Okay, Mama bear. Please calm down. For real. Please?" Now he is intimidated by her, "she isn't napping, infact playing board games with Gemma. I just said that to get you to spend time with us. Even Mum called you, didn't she, after Hebe and I reached there? You're alone here, both your friends are back in LA, I don't want you to spend your Christmas alone even if you don't celebrate it. You can still hang out with our family."

"I can go a day without her." YN said. Hebe is her only family now.

"I don't think you know how this works darling. You're not spending much time with her since you got here. It's not and it shouldn't be how it works." Harry said. "You don't think I didn't see what you were doing, getting her ready at the slowest pace possible. She is your daughter too, you can't just give up your happiness, which is obviously with her, like that. Yeah she is having fun with her Grandma and Aunty doesn't mean she shouldn't get to spend time with you. As much as I get jealous that you are her favourite parent and person in this whole entire world and not me too, but it's the truth."

"You don't want to forgive me, I'm not going to force you for that. You're already doing so much for me by letting me spend time with her and be her dad." He added.

"I, I am not going to let myself get attached to anyone. Ever. I am so done with everything." She shook her head. "Just go back to her or bring her back to me."

"YN—"

"Harry just do as I say for fucks sake!" She raised her voice out of frustration, but instantly regretted it. A look of hurt washed over his features more quicker than she realised she shouldn't have done that. It broke her heart into a trillion pieces.

"I, I am sorry. I shou—"

"No, now I'm done. I'm trying my hardest here to mend things back with you and get my shit together because I fucked up when I could have been more mature I think I deserve a second change which you're not willing to give me." He said in one breathe, "will bring her back."

"You don't get to say that!" She said stopping him on his track. "You had your family with you! I had no fucking one. Yes it was my choice to keep her but doesn't mean my feelings you crush and threw in front of a fucking bullet train like that, do not fucking matter! You DON'T get to be all caring for me now! I am doing this for the sake of my child because I want her to have everything I never got okay! I was never interested in even letting you see her ever again. But I did for her. Because everyone deserves both their parents! Is it too much that I'm asking you to be there for her and leave me alone because I'm scared you're going to leave her alone again and go on cruises all over Europe with your another PR Stunt? I don't think so! You have the audacity to ask me to calm down? I lost my only family to death merely months before you walked in, I never felt alone because you were there. Pick up my life together like that just to leave to scatter again."

"Don't give the excuse of the shit show your management had put up for two fucking years. I work in the same damn industry I have never seen a monstrosity like that before. Do you think I trust you with Hebe when I have done everything to protect her from the lime light? Did you even know I kept her even after all those articles and that picture floating around the internet? No you did not! You think I trust you enough for you to be able to protect her identity while she is still a minor when you're always going on staged ass pap walks all around USA? But I am trying hard too, aren't I? Your girlfriend can put her child through shit like that even if his face was blurred, I don't give a fuck. You don't know what is going on in my head when she's alone with you."

And she kept going, tears flowing down her cheeks now. "You don't know shit people have said about her when she was three months old predicting her future twenty years from now on. I am her mother for gods sake. I can kill and die for her in a heartbeat if I have to. You don't know shit we have went through, it scares me how she is going to react reading all of that because it is still going to be there forever! I would want to die if she grows to hate me because her Mummy failed to keep her safe and away from shitty people on social media and news and what not!"

Harry is absolutely shocked watching her falling back on the sofa as she cried into the palm of her hand. He didn't know she went through all of that, he would be absolutely sad if Hebe grows to hate him for any reason and YN is trying so hard to keep her away from the lime light. They live in LA and still she has never been caught by paparazzi anywhere with Hebe and she takes her out a lot. Harry have never seen YN cry like this after that one day. She have so much bottled up inside her. He carefully approached her as he crouched in front of her, wrapping his fingers around her wrist he pulled her hands away from her face.

"If I'm being honest YN don't really know what happened. You were so good at taking everything off of the internet, couldn't even get the chance to see it." He spoke softly realising she shouldn't have raised his voice back at her like that, "I am sorry, I shouldn't have raised my voice at you like that. But really try to trust me I've got my shit together."

"I don't trust you." She shook her head.

"I won't blame you. I'm not going even ask for us to get back together now, would never want to drag you into anything you don't want. But we can't be like this. We have to co-exist peacefully for Hebe. At least until she is old enough to understand these things. You hate me, I understand why and I deserve it."

YN didn't even realise he have her hand sandwiched in between his two, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on her wrist. She is so used to being lonely by now that an affectionate touch is just so foreign to her. She glanced down at their hands. She should have been able to move on from him by now, she shouldn't still be so much in love with him. It is getting worse with his subtle affection towards her which never goes unnoticed by her. Him taking Hebe to these placed YN didn't know existed in London and even dragging her with them both. Him asking for her approval and consent with anything related to Hebe. Just over all having her involved in everything with their daughter.

"I can't do this!" She shook her head again, "I still love you so much it is stupid. This shouldn't be like this when it's been almost three years. I want to hate you but I can't!"

"I'm sorry." Was all he could think of to say. "I am so sorry love. Really. I really love you too. If you're stupid for that then count me in too. You can't just stop loving someone like that!"

His heart was felt so swollen up that he thought it is going to combust into his chest seeing her like that. He never realised Hebe just looks like but she is completely like her mother. Seeing YN cry reminded him of the morning Hebe was crying for her Mummy. Taking in short sharp breaths in between her sobs, YN is just like that.

"I am sorry, hate to see you cry." Harry repeated his apology and was willing to do so a hundred million times.

"First step to every relationship is trust and you did not trust me. Even if you said we were just friends who slep with each other. How could you do that?" She looked him dead in the eyes saying what have hurt her so much. "I would have never came back to you if she wasn't yours Harry. I am not that low-life to be like other girls who have came to you in past!"

She is right. She brought her up so well on her own. She doesn't need him nor does Hebe. Really. It was the bitter truth!

"I am so sorry. Love you know how manipulative people can be in this industry. I have learned the hard way. I have really." His vision was cloudy with his own eyes getting teary. She looked so hurt. It wouldn't have happened if he would have went his damn intuition!

That wasn't only reason. Being called a whore and a bad mother thousands and thousands of people if not millions is much more worse! Conspiracy theories being made on her and who her child's father is the most disgusting shit she have ever seen in her entire life!

"Being called a whore and a bad mum. People saying your child is not going end up having a good future or maybe end up in a fucking rehab without their father around is not something any mother wants to hear!" She continued, "your baby sitter didn't tell you about that shit huh? Why would he?"

"No you're none of that!" Harry stressed, "you are not that and you're the best mum! I have never seen more polite toddler than our daughter YN, I am definitely not being biased here. It shouldn't matter what people say lovely. Even if I wouldn't have come around she'd grow up to be an amazing person like you. I know and I understand— trust me!— it sucks to have thousands of people pulling you down like that. But you know that's not true and that's all it should take to not let it get to you and prove those fuckers wrong!"

"I know, not everyone is same. But we can try and make it easier on us. You never told me about me this and you know we have talked about this, it feels good to just let it out." He is now sat on both his knees in front of her, both her hands in his. "Can I hug you?"

"Please!" She nodded. Harry let out a sigh of relief as he pulled her in a warm hug. He was taken by surprise as she was way too quickly to wrap her arms around his torso as tightly as she could buried her face into the fabric of his shirt.

"It's okay. Everything is fine." He rubbed her back. The same way she clung onto him the first time both of them were intimate, but there was nothing sexual about this hug. She is just in need of assuring touch from another one from her own species. His heart felt so sore in his chest. Her arms were wrapped tightly around his torso, the fabric of his shirt clutched in her fists tightly.

"I just worry about Hebe, I don't want her to go through anything that I have went through." She mumbled, she felt so vulnerable in his arms as he held her pliant body close to him.

"She is not going to, we'll be there for her," he assured her, then it clicked him a possibility of something bad. He worried for her, he wanted her to talk to him openly but not force her, "are you trying to tell me something love?"

That made her pull back from the hug, she took in a long breath as she wiped off her tears. Sniffling she looked at him, "No." was all he got in answer from her.

"I am not going to force you to talk about anything which makes you uncomfortable. But you know, lovie, you can talk to me about everything and anything." He told her, his palm on her knee warming her skin through her pants. A new set of tears formed in her eyes as he told her that.

She does not feel right to have such a vulnerable conversation with him, which does not have anything to do with Hebe. But it have everything to do with herself. She can not trust him enough to be vulnerable enough to talk about anything bothering her. Things which keep her up all night some times, that is why tires herself as much as she can just so she can go take in some sleep before her daughter is up, ready to try and take over the world with her glittery giggles and starry smiles. YN just settled on a nod.

"Okay, I'll go get ready and be there before dinner. You can go if you want." YN suggested.

"Wait, you're going to come to the dinner?" A beam took over his serious features.

"Yeah. For Hebe." YN nodded again.

"I, I don't mind waiting for you." He offered, but earned a hard look from her, "okay, I'll go back to her please don't kill me." He stood up to leave.

"Will be waiting for you." He told her once at the door, looking at her with hopeful eyes before he disappeared in the hallway.

YN closed the door with a sigh. She really craved some family time, did she agreed for Hebe's sake for herself? Maybe both. She got ready, washed her face with freezing cold water to make her puffy face go back to normal. She did not wanted anyone to know she was just sobbing, she put on some makeup to cover her eyebags, changed up into yet another turtle neck jumper and dark blue jeans, and she headed to see Hebe. YN made sure to take the gifts she got for Anne and Gemma and even Harry from Hebe and her. The other day YN took Hebe out and she helped her Mummy pick out presents for her Grandma and Aunty Gemma.

......................................................................

"MUMMY!" Hebe squealed as she ran to her mother and hugged her legs. YN liked to think she misses her even at her Grandma's.

"Hello baby!" YN caressed her hair.

"Hey!" Gemma chirped seeing YN and approached her with a warm hug. "So happy you came."

"Hi, thank you inviting me." YN smiled hugging her back.

"Oh, come on, you're always welcome here!" It was Anne scoffing as she emerged from her bedroom.

"Thank you, Mrs. Twist." YN said. "Hebe, do you want to give your grandma and Aunty Gemma presents you got?" She suggested.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Hebe got excited, she took the bags from her Mummy.

"Oh you didn't had to YN." Anne cooed to the girl as she hugged her too.

"They're from Hebe." YN made an excuse, which was halfway true. "Hebe, can you carry all of that? Let me help you, yeah?"

"Yes, pwease." Hebe realised she could not carry bags on her own so she gave up. They all settled down on the sofa, YN passed on Hebe presents for Gemma first. YN made sure to get Anne and Gemma jewelry from her line, and a two gifts Hebe picked out.

"Oh thank you so much princess!" Gemma kissed Hebe's head, accepting the presents from her.

"Open it? Pwease?" Hebe asked.

"You want me to?"

"Mhmm!" The girl nodded. Gemma opened the bag which had Yellow tissue paper on it. There was a cardigan from a small boutique she have heard such amazing things from. The next bag had a gold necklace with G charm, and a pretty dainty bracelet.

"These are very pretty, thank you!" Gemma looked at Hebe and then at YN.

"Hebe picked them." YN shared.

"You have a very good taste like your Dadda, I must say." Anne commented. YN could see Harry's body puff up proudly from the corner for her eyes.

"Gwandma's pwesents?" Hebe went back to her Mummy. YN passed on three more bags to Hebe and she carried it to her Grandma on her fuzzy sock clad feet. YN picked out a cat printed mug for Anne, knowing how much she loves cats and Tea. Same set of necklace and bracelet with A charms on them, and a jumper Hebe wanted to buy for her Grandma. Hence, Anne ended up with three presents, or maybe she is Hebe's favourite person in her family.

"Thank you so much Hebe!" Anne cooed, kissing both of Hebe's chubby dimply cheeks, one last peck was placed on her forehead.

"Dadda!" Hebe squealed and took the last bag from her Mummy. It was from Gucci, the bag was huge, Hebe could hardly carry it. She placed it ny her dad's feet.

"Is this for me?" Harry asked.

"Mhmm!" Hebe nodded pulling down her beanie with both of her hands over her ears. Harry picked her up from the ground and sat her on her lap.

"Would you mind helping me open it?" Harry asked to which Hebe nodded, he pulled out the box from the bag and set it on Hebe's lap gently. She was quickly to open the box, the lid fell down on the rug doing a single backflip. Harry let her take out the drawstring tote, he can tell those are shoes.

"Open it!" Hebe complained seeing her dad just watching her open his present.

"Okay." Harry opened his present.

He was right. There were a pair of white kicks, looked to be custom. He have seen Hebe wore a same pair just yesterday, which were sent to YN for Hebe by Alessandro Michele. Harry knows very well YN hates spoiling Hebe with luxury brands, she even called him out for getting Hebe custom dresses from Gucci and custom stuff for his little princess. And she is right, they shouldn't be spoiling her with luxury fashion items from such a young age. That means, YN got them made in his size, he liked to assume that. He also knows that she's become really good friends with Alessandro. Harry was kinda in love with the idea of her putting so much thought into his Christmas present. The shoes were amazing, with Alice in Wonderland themed glittery characters all over them, they earned a gast from little green eyed girl in his lap.

"It's so pwetty!" Hebe squealed, touching the Cheshire cat with her chubby small pointer finger.

"Aren't they?" Harry mused, giving his daughter a kiss on her head.

"Are we done opening presents?" Anne enquired.

"Oh no, mum!" Gemma chirped, "we have YN's presents."

"Oh you didn't had to get me anything." YN perked up on her seat at the mention of her name in same sentence talking about presents for her. Gemma disappeared somewhere before YN could say anything else. She found the girl by the Christmas with, Gemma came back with a few bags.

"There are a few cards Hebe made this afternoon as well." Gemma said. YN looked at her daughter who had a huge proud grin on her pretty face.

"Thank you, I'll open them later." YN smiled.

After dinner, Gemma and Anne planned on going out to the backyard. Start a born fire, Anne suggested to roast marshmallows. Gemma quickly ran in and got vegan marshmallows, of course, Hebe followed her like a puppy.

"Who wants tea?" Harry asked.

"Everyone!" Gemma rolled her eyes, does he really need to ask though?

"I, I can go make tea for everyone, if you don't mind me using your kitchen Mrs. Twist." YN suggested.

"Of course darling." Anne nodded, "tea's in the left cabinet from the corner."

"Okay, I'll be back in a few." YN nodded and headed in. The cabinets were a little high, YN had to get up on her tippy-toes to reach the shelf but she got it. She was trying to find kettle, she filled up the kettle with water. YN struggled to get the kettle back on the heating thing, she never used kettles for the exact reason and opts for putting a pot of water on stove directly.

"You need help there?"

She almost dropped the kettle, startled by Harry's question. He popped up out of nowhere!

"You scared me!" YN complained, "and no I've got this."

Harry watched as she struggled for one minute straight to get the kettle back on it's place. She succeeded though. She started looking for milk and sugar.

"Sugar is in that cabinet." Harry said pointing at the exact cabinet she was opening. "I, I'll get the milk." He looked away sheepishly and padded to the fridge. He swore he saw her smile at his stupidness. At least he made her smile!

"Thank you coming to the dinner." Harry spoke after a moment of silence.

"I came here for Hebe." YN told him.

"But it made me happy. And thank you for the shoes." He stood next to her, leaning onto the kitchen counter.

"Your welcome." She smiled a genuine smile.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did." She joked.

"Funny." He rolled his eyes, "can we at least try and be friends? We don't have to, not even for Hebe. I'm sure she will understand once she grows up, she is a very smart kid. But we can at least try and be friends?" His heart became heavy just by the way she glanced at him before getting back to steeping the tea. He made her sad again.

"Harry, I had feelings for you once, I don't think I can just be friends with you." She explained with apologetic eyes. He is still in love with her and he is sure by now he still have romantic feelings for her.

"Okay." Harry nodded. He doesn't want to force her into anything.

He looked down feeling a tug at the end of his jumper. It was Hebe, looking up at him with her green eyes she got from him.

"Gwandma's said to check up on my Mummy." Hebe said as if she is there to protect her mother. Harry felt offended, sure he have told his mum that he definitely is annoying YN by his acts of wanting them both to be together. He did not expected her to send one of her soldiers to protect YN.

"Awh! Thank you lovely!" YN cooed chuckling. Hebe wrapped her arms around her Mummy's thighs in a warm bear hug. It made Harry jealous some times, but it never fails to melt his heart seeing them share such a sweet relationship, how much Hebe is obsessed and obviously in love with her mother.

"Whatchu doin' Mumma?" Hebe enquired.

"I am making tea baby." YN told her.

"Can I 'ave some pwease?" She asked.

"A sip or two," YN agreed, "yeah? No more than that."

"You sure about that?" Harry asked.

"It's just tea." YN shrugged, "Bebe come on, go out ahead," she ushered her girlie out to where everyone is, just so she doesn't hurt herself with hot tea YN was carrying in her hands. But she was scooped up by her dad as he sprinted out with the squealing and laughing girl.

......................................................................

YN was heading back home with Hebe, she was half asleep in her Mummy's arms as everyone said good night to them both. YN strapped Hebe in her car seat and got into divers seat herself. But her car won't start. Well, she rented it, the vehicle wasn't exactly hers.

"What's wrong love?" Harry asked, he was still waiting for her drive away in the driveway.

"It won't start." She got the the car to check what wrong with it.

"I can drive you back, will have someone come over and fix it tomorrow." Harry offered.

"No it's okay, thank you." She said, opened the bonnet to see what is wrong. She did knew a lot of things about cars and what to check, being alone came with a lot of learning. She will have to pay extra at the rental now, awesome!

"Did you rent this?" Harry enquired.

"Uhhh.. yeah." She nodded, "I will just ask someone to get the car and get another one."

"Don't worry about it, come on I'll put Hebe into my car, will drop you both off to yours." He walked to the back seat of the to get a sleeping Hebe out.

"It's fine, I'll just call a cab." YN said.

"Oh come on." Harry sighed scooping up Hebe in his arms, he put her in his car and strapped her up. He jogged to the passenger seat and opened the door for YN, "get in!" He demanded.

Well, she got a free ride back home, so she got in. Harry closed the door once she was in and jogged around to get into drivers seat. He silently drove her back to her flat. Entire ride back home YN kept checking up on Hebe.

"Don't worry she is fine." Harry assured her, YN looked at him and nodded her head before looking back on the road in front of her.

"I have some work coming up next week so we'll be heading back home in two days." YN said after a moment of silence.

"Oh." Was Harry's first reaction, "alright, I'll be back in LA for recording in two week anyway."

"Yeah." YN nodded.

"Can't you stay until the end of the week?" He asked.

"I want Hebe to adjust back to the time zone, she'd be fussy." YN explained.

"Mhmm I understand." Harry nodded, he is going to miss Hebe a lot. He's gotten so used to her now that he have spent more than just two weeks straight with her. Her calling him Dadda will never get old for him.

"I am sorry if that made you upset. You can take her with you for a week if you want. I didn't know I'd have few urgent table readings scheduled." Her voice was soft as she felt bad for taking Hebe away from him.

"It's alright. She needs you more I understand." He said

Once at her building, Harry helped YN with Hebe and got her and Hebe's presents from the boot.

"I'll take that, you don't have to—"

"Hush! Come on." He locked his car started walking in her building with bags in both his hands. Hebe was clinging onto her Mummy. YN followed Harry, he helped her with the door.

"I'll put her to bed." YN said and walked into her bedroom and tucked Hebe in after taking off her coat, she can change her into her PJs later. "Thank you."

"Of course." Harry nodded, "can we go out tomorrow if you're really heading home?"

"You can take Hebe, I have some work tomorrow." YN said.

"Oh, I, I was thinking we could all go out somewhere. But it's fine," he looked visibly upset it made YN feel bad.

"I'll try and see if I can get off early." She said in hurry, "for, for Hebe." She added making a smile creep up on his face, it was not a very subtle way to cover up what she said.

"For Hebe, yeah." He repeated making his way out the main door, a cheeky smile more prominent as she shot a finger gun in her direction before he disappeared down rhe hallway.

He is now looking forward to seeing her and their daughter the next day.

#fanfic #fanfiction #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #x reader #harry styles fic #harry styles x y/n #boyfriendrry #dadrry #dad!harry

49 notes · View notes

matsbarzal · 3 years

Note

may I please request song prompt #3 "i'd do whatever she likes, give her christmas in july" - anything she says (mitchell tenpenny) with Brock Boeser?

song #3. i'd do whatever she likes; give her christmas in july

pairing: brock boeser x reader word count: 1k warnings: mentions of christmas celebrations, mentions of COVID

If there was one person who knew their love language better than anyone, it was Brock. It was one of the perks of dating the man dubbed ‘Mr. Sensitive’, because although, yes, he did have his moments of sensitivity... sometimes worse than others, the majority of his time was spent trying to demonstrate ways in which he loved you unconditionally.

He knew it was hard dating a hockey player, let alone a professional, especially in the middle of the pandemic. Trying to maneuver your relationship around the alterations to the season, the outbreaks in Vancouver, the distance between the two of you and the lack of being able to visit… Brock knew it was hard, but he did everything in his power to try and combat that.

This year had been the hardest, Brock having to go back to Vancouver mid-December, missing not only Christmas but New Years with you and his family. The travel restrictions and border closures making it impossible for you to cross and visit your boyfriend for short increments of time without having to quarantine for 14 days both times. It just wasn’t feasible.

He was heartbroken having to miss out on Christmas with you and his family, the Zoom celebration you did not even up to the caliber of what you all were used to.

The blonde had promised he’d make it up to you, citing that he wouldn’t let his job get in the way of the both of you celebrating his favourite holiday at some point in the year. You had basically forgotten about it months later, not even letting the thought cross your mind.

be ready to go by 9am, big day ahead babe

what

you’ll see tomorrow morning, can’t wait!!! love you!!!

The morning came sooner than you were expecting, your body weaved into clothes perfect for the July heat in Minnesota. Your pointer finger tapped against your phone as you sat on your porch, watching as Brock’s Jeep pulled its way down your street.

Hopping out of the Jeep, you felt the confusion instantly hit when you observed the blonde’s outfit. Brock was never one to not go out of the house in a lazy outfit, but pyjamas? Christmas pyjamas? That was another story. The tiny elves littered your boyfriend’s red and green pants and shirt, the red sleeves pushed up to his elbows as a large grin took over his face.

“You gotta change before we go, here! They match,” shooting him a questioning look as he shoved the rolled-up clothes into your hand and pressed a smooth kiss to your lips. You obliged, making your way back inside and to the bathroom. Changing quickly, you couldn’t help the small giggle that fell from your lips at the matching pyjamas when you found yourself wrapped in his passenger seat.

“Plan on telling me what’s going on?”

Grinning, Brock squeezed your thigh gently as he zipped out of your driveway. “You’ll see when we get back to my apartment, you’re gonna love it.”

His apartment wasn’t far, Brock always making you let him pick you up so that he could spend as much time with you as possible; also, because you were always more likely to stay over if he was the one driving. He pulled into his parking spot, hopping out of the car to meet you around the passenger side, his arms wrapping around your waist as he tucked your body into his, his lips gently pressing to yours with a small smile.

Pressing your lips back, you own arms weaved themselves around his hips to press on the muscles of his back, pulling him closer to you. The kiss only lasted a few seconds before he was grabbing your hand and tugging you towards the entrance.

Following him, the halls were empty as they always were this early in the morning on a Thursday. You could hear the low sounds of music, the beat so soft and airy you couldn’t place an exact name to the song. The closer and closer you got to Brock’s door, the louder the song became.

“Okay, you have to close your eyes!” quirking an eyebrow up at him, you almost shook your head but before you had the chance, his one palm was covering your eyes as the other turned the doorknob to his apartment door. The sound of music filled the air, the smell of fresh-cooked gingerbread cookies hitting your nose as it wafted out of the room.

Walking forward with you gently, Brock moved his palm from your eyes and allowed you to take in the sight in front of you. You could feel the wonder and joy cross your mind almost immediately, your eyes focusing on every aspect of the room they could.

The tree was in the corner, decorated to the nines in all of yours and Brock’s favourite ornaments, the star on top glistening back at you. The tinsel was wrapped all around his kitchen island and the stools, the gingerbread were laid out on the Christmas plates his parents had got him last year as a moving-out present, the milk beside an extra addition.

You couldn’t hold in the look of awe that was erupting on your face as you looked around, your eyes moving to the joyful smile present on Brock’s face as he watched you.

“Do you like it?” you could sense the bit of doubt in his words, his need for affirmation pushing you to move yourself closer to him, almost launching yourself on him as you pressed your lips against his.

Nodding eagerly as you pulled away, a laugh bubbled up from his throat as the both of you looked around. “I told you I’d make it up to you, having to miss Christmas back in December. I have the movies all set up, I have all the snacks and the drinks and even went out and bought your favourite hot chocolate. There’s a significant chance our dinner may be being catered… but we don’t have to talk about that.”

“I can’t believe you did all of this,” shaking your head in disbelief as you looked around again, your eyes taking in all the sights it hadn’t registered before.

“I’d do whatever you like, even give you Christmas in July, my love.”

note: ahhhh skfdk i had so much fun with this bc i so want brock to give me christmas in july </3 thank you for requesting, and i hope you enjoy!!!

143 notes · View notes

sorryimananti-romantic · 3 years

Text

Mist | Choi San | Chapter 5

Pairing: Choi San x OC (Seohyun)

Genre: supernatural (ghost), romance, high school

Trigger Warnings: paranormal, death mentions, violence

Words: 8.7k

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except my original character and the story. I do not own any gifs or pictures used.

Full story on Wattpad (don’t spoil here if you read there too)

chapter directory

--------------

Seohyun woke up to her phone buzzing. She groaned and rubbed her eyes, checking who was calling. It was San. She declined the call to read the several text messages he had sent. It was something about how they were all going out for lunch and she was joining (funny how they'd stop asking now, just said it) and that she was... to go on a date with him later.

She texted back a simple OK and checked the time. It was already almost afternoon- she had slept in. After showering, she was brushing her teeth when she paused.

It was gonna be her first date with San.

"Ayyy~" she waved at her reflection, resuming. She wasn't one to make a big deal out of stuff, but she had to admit it was... a little bit exciting. And she couldn't say the same about San. He seemed like the type to take these things serious, like first dates. So she decided that she did not want to disappoint him and would put in a little bit effort.

Seohyun checked her wardrobe. She didn't have much 'cute' stuff. Her first priority was always comfort when she picked her clothes. And they were usually monochrome or dark colours. She didn't like wearing bright stuff. Her only mildly cute outfit was the green dress she'd worn the last time with Jiwoo.

She moved on way too early, Seohyun thought. There was no one to help her dress up now. Her mom...

Seohyun realized there was something. Her mother had given her some sort of a top for her birthday last year. She had buried it in the back of her closet because she had deemed it too 'fashionable' for her. Seohyun threw her clothes out to find it. Indeed, it was still there.

It was a purple blouse with lace around the neck and tiny pearls. She shrugged. She'd pair it with pants and ankle boots.

After dressing up and tying her hair in half a ponytail, she stood in front of the mirror. She looked presentable, if one ignored her still-puffy-from-sleeping face. She sighed and put on the only lip gloss she had. That could do. She smiled at her reflection once before grabbing her phone and leaving the house.

They were meeting at a new café that Yunho and Yeosang had been wanting to try on forever. Yeosang had assured them it had good reviews for their desserts too. They were all already there by the time Seohyun reached. She had spent a good minute admiring the exterior of the café while the boys laughed at her unaware self, watching her through the window.

Mingi waved at her once she was inside and they made space for her. After exchanging greetings, they decided they would order food first. They decided on ordering two of everything and sharing, and once they gave the order, they all looked at Seohyun.

"You look... like you actually made effort today," Hongjoong commented.

"What do you mean?" Seohyun asked, forgetting for a second.

"Hey, don't say that, or she'll never dress up again," San pouted, and Seohyun realized, looking down at her dress.

"Is it too much?" she asked, "I've actually, honestly, never made effort. So I need honest reviews."

"It's not too much, it's perfect," Seonghwa assured, "In fact, you could have done more, but since this is you, it's perfect."

"That sounds.... like a compliment and insult at the same time, thank you Seonghwa."

They laughed and Yeosang said, "Hongjoong's the fashionista. You should only ask him."

"Yes, yes, Seonghwa's right. You look good!"

"That's the only top I had," Seohyun sighed, looking at San who was staring at her with an adorable expression on his face. "The rest of my wardrobe, you've seen."

"I guess we're going shopping then after this. I hope you have the card on you that you liked to flex about so much," Hongjoong smirked.

"I do-"

"But we're going on our first date today-"

"WHAT?!"

Seohyun face-palmed. San had done it.

San looked at Seohyun for help and she sighed. "Well, no need to over-react, Wooyoung. As you all know, San and I are... sort of, uh... dating?"

Yunho snickered first before everyone started laughing at how awkward Seohyun suddenly got, and it was her turn to look at San for help. It wasn't everyday she lost her demeanor. Falling in love did make one a different person, she realized.

"Yeah, so you're sort of dating?" Jongho wiggled his eyebrows.

"Yes, Jongho, we're DATING." Seohyun said, "And San was planning to take me on our first date after this."

"You haven't been on your first date yet?" Wooyoung asked, "But it's been days now that you've been together! Sannie, you disappoint me!"

Before San could choke Wooyoung, Seohyun interrupted, "It was me. I was busy dealing with ghosts. It turns out Jiwoo had actually been a saint. Did anyone of you know that she used to do half my jobs?"

Everyone fell silent as they listened, "She was never 'bored' of coming to school with me. She just had so much time to kill that she'd help ghosts instead of me. I kind of miss her more now."

"That's sweet," Mingi said, "She really was a great friend."

"I know right! Anyways, this is the reason we haven't had our first date yet."

Other than San, the boys shared looks, and Seohyun saw with dread the devilish smirks appear on their faces as they announced: "Too bad! We're crashing your first date!"

San groaned and dramatically fell back in his chair while Seohyun gaped at them. "I-I'm speechless for once." Laughter filled the room as she said, "If that's what friends are for, I think I'm gonna change my mind..."

Before anyone could protest, food came and they started discussing Hongjoong's love for fashion and the various items he had reformed. Hongjoong assured her if she had a clothing item or something she would like to reform, he was the man.

"I do have this denim jacket that I'm too attached to," Seohyun thought about it, "Can you write something cool on the back of it?"

"Yes, just give me the jacket whenever you can. It'll take no more than two days, unless we have exams."

Seohyun looked at Seonghwa for confirmation and he nodded. "He also makes custom bracelets for us."

"Nice," Seohyun said, "I'd like some too," she wiggled her brows at Hongjoong, who laughed and nodded.

"So what were you gonna do on your first date?" Wooyoung and Jongho leaned in and asked Seohyun.

"San was the one in charge, ask him," she said.

"I was thinking we'd just walk aimlessly around the city..."

They both tsk-ed at San, muttering something about how he was an 'amateur' and would probably bore me to death.

"Hey, that's a nice idea actually. I don't mind."

"You're just saying that to be nice," Jongho said and Seohyun folded her arms.

"I don't say things to be nice, Choi Jongho."

Everyone hooted at that, having heard her, and Seohyun stared at her drink intensely, contemplating if she should 'accidentally' spill it on everyone.

"But she's right, actually," Yeosang said, "She doesn't say things to be nice. If she didn't like that idea, I'm sure she would have said to San with a hidden insult in between. I'm right, aren't I?"

"Thank you, Yeosang," Seohyun said, "I love you."

Yeosang saluted and San pouted, "Hey! You haven't even said that to me yet!"

Everyone was silent for a good minute before they burst out laughing, including Seohyun. San's pout went bigger and Seohyun poked him.

"Ayyy. I say that everyday, just not in words."

"OHHHH!" Everyone hooted and San actually smiled, trying to hide a blush but failing.

"How do you say it then?" Mingi asked, wiggling his brows, and Yunho made kissing sounds in the air, earning a smack from Wooyoung who was right beside him.

"Next time I encounter a dangerous ghost, I'm actually gonna befriend them," Seohyun said, smashing her now empty glass on the table as she glared at them, "I have a few ideas of how to make you all suffer."

Yunho snickered and Mingi immediately bowed, muttering praises about how Seohyun was the most kind girl he'd ever met. It was Seohyun's turn to smirk.

After they were done eating, everyone got up and they decided to go to the mall. It seemed like Hongjoong was bent on getting her good dresses, and he whispered to her that she should wear them on her dates, which actually made Seohyun flush for a good second.

"Hi," San said, holding her hand in his. He was walking with her now, both at the end while the others were ahead.

"Hey," Seohyun smiled, squeezing his hand subconsciously as she continued walking forward.

"Did you know purple is my favourite colour? I love this on you," San said, and Seohyun smiled.

"I did not. You'll have to thank my mom for this," Seohyun said, "She got me this for my birthday last year,"

"Oh, when's your birthday?"

"21st December."

"Right. So we have about two months. Is there something you want?"

"I wish my mom would be home actually," Seohyun said, "The last birthday I had with her was my 14th. I actually had fun then. Mom's friends had come, there's one that I'm close with. We had a banger then."

"That sounds fun," San smiled.

"It was," Seohyun smiled wistfully, "Now she's always busy during that time. So she just sends me a gift and a cake. And I spend my birthday alone."

San felt quite sad to hear that. "You won't be alone this year, I promise."

Seohyun looked at him. He had said that with such clarity that she believed him.

"I have a feeling that won't be the case," she suddenly said, and San almost stopped.

"What do you mean?"

"It's my gut. It's always right. I suppose it comes with the ghost thing. I just suddenly felt that wasn't going to be the case when you said that."

San put his arm around her, "You probably felt that because you've spent most of your birthdays alone. But now you have us, and there's always a chance your mom could come too. I can assure you, you won't be alone this year."

"Maybe," Seohyun let herself hope, pushing the feeling of dread back.

They reached the mall and Seohyun watched as Hongjoong and Wooyoung took the lead, discussing what would go well with her hair and skin colour, stuff that Seohyun didn't quite understand. She was too busy rejecting the ones Yunho, Mingi and Jongho were picking for her, making sure they got bright yellows and neon shades just to annoy her. They were having quite a laugh.

Seonghwa, Yeosang and San had disappeared to another shop it seemed. Wooyoung threw a top at her, ordering her to hold on herself so they could check.

"This has too many beads," Seohyun muttered.

"There are literally only 6 beads on it, stop being a child," Wooyoung said, snatching the top back from her and she pouted as they put it in the cart.

Hongjoong held another top, checking its size.

"Isn't that too short?" Seohyun asked.

"It's a crop top, Seohyun, of course it is short."

"That's basically the size of a bra! How am I supposed to wear it?!"

Hongjoong and Wooyoung tsk-ed at her. "It's not, it comes to your waist. Wear it with high waisted pants and a jacket if you can," Hongjoong threw it in the cart.

Seohyun threw her hands in the air as she looked back, the trio laughing at her misery. They were clearly enjoying. A thought struck Seohyun. She went to the three of them and asked if she should buy something for San.

"I guess he could use a new jacket," Yunho looked at Jongho and he nodded, "He's been using the same two jackets since forever."

"Help me pick," she said and dragged them to the men's section, and they picked a black denim jacket, putting it with her clothes so San wouldn't be suspicious.

After about 15 minutes, they were all done, and San, Yeosang and Seonghwa joined them as well.

"Where were you all?" Seohyun eyes them suspiciously.

"Just looking around," Seonghwa nodded, and San scratched his neck.

After they all got ice cream as refreshment, they decided to part ways, and Seohyun thanked Hongjoong and Wooyoung sincerely, saying she'd use them well.

"I'll get you both something too. Tell me what you want."

"You don't have to, just wear them, that'd be a gift," Wooyoung laughed.

"No, I can't! You guys put so much effort. I'll get you both something, just you wait," Seohyun promised.

San and her decided to walk back home, carrying the shopping bags with them.

"This is not how I had imagined our first date would go," San admitted.

"I had fun still," Seohyun smiled, "And anyway, the day is not over yet."

"It is! It's 7pm already!"

"Well, what do you say I take you on an adventure after we drop these at home?" Seohyun wiggled her eyebrows, saying, "Unless you have to go home."

"Well, no one's home today so..." San smiled, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Alright, I'll follow you."

Seohyun smiled, skipping as she walked, making San laugh out loud.

---------------

San and Seohyun reached home, dumping the several shopping bags in the living room. They decided to eat dinner and rest a bit, and Seohyun said she'd take him somewhere, but it had to be a surprise.

After they got fresh, they had ramyeon and Seohyun fished out a jacket from her wardrobe. It was gonna be chilly. She went to the living room, searching for San's jacket and went to San.

"Try this on," she said, and San got up from the sofa, trying the black jacket on. "Where we're going, it's gonna be a bit chilly."

"Wow, it fits perfectly," Seohyun stood back to check. "It's a gift."

"Really?" San looked down at the jacket. "Did you get this today?" Seohyun nodded. San smiled, thanking her with a hug.

They locked the house, grabbing only a bag with water bottle and chocolates. They took a taxi, a 30 minute drive to a hill. Seohyun told San she knew a shortcut to get to the top, and indeed, after a short hike, they reached the top.

"The view is amazing," San said, admiring how the full moon lit the night sky, the stars in the sky bright too. The city lights down seemed like stars too.

"A few months ago, a ghost teleported me here. He had died of an accident somewhere around here, and wanted help finding his sister, who had passed away with him. Jiwoo was with me, thankfully. It took us the whole day but we found her."

"Wow, I'm glad Jiwoo was with you," San said, and they both sat on the grass, facing the moon. "Imagine if you were alone and had to go back."

"Oh, I'm not sure if they even moved on. They said they wanted to spend some time together before they moved on, since they weren't sure what life ahead had for them. They might still be enjoying the ghost life."

"Really? Isn't that... dangerous?"

"They did promise. I said I'd come back after a year, and if they hadn't moved on by then, I'd personally exorcise them."

San laughed. "That's kind of you."

Seohyun winked at him. San was looking at the stars, and she took that time to admire his side-profile. He really was a work of art.

"Byeol," San said.

"What?"

"I'm naming our cat Byeol. Now that's an acceptable name, isn't it?"

Seohyun stared at him. "I mean, I was okay with Shiber too..."

"HEY!" San tackled her, tickling her everywhere and Seohyun laughed loudly, "Do you know how much time I spent thinking of a name for the cat!"

"Stop!" Seohyun laughed, and San stopped tickling to hear her out. "I love it. Byeol. Shiber. Whatever you wanna call her."

San shook his head at her. Seohyun realized he was still on top of her. San was staring at her, rather intensely.

San touched her hair. It was a habit of his now, playing with her hair. The grey in her hair was shining thanks to the moonlight. Her eyes shone just as brightly. Her mouth was slightly parted, and San ran his thumb across her lips.

"You're beautiful," he finally said.

Seohyun wanted to tell him that she was not, but she was too flustered to say anything. His broad shoulders blocked the moonlight, making his figure shine instead. He leaned in and kissed her softly, taking his dear time, making sure every peck was slow and good.

Seohyun's internal state was a mess at this time; her heart was beating too loudly, her stomach rolling too furiously, and her mind- oh it was an absolute mess. So she just let him kiss her senseless, her hands going through his hair and back to cup his face as they kissed.

San drew apart and Seohyun held onto his neck, making them sit, and San joined her forehead with his as they caught their breath. He rested her hands on her waist, and Seohyun gulped as she took his hands and put them on her waist under her shirt this time.

San inhaled sharply at the touch, looking at her for confirmation. He was always so patient with her, which she loved about him. Seohyun cupped his face and kissed him, more forcefully now. San followed along, his hands staying at her waist only, his thumb caressing her skin there. She kissed his neck, earning a satisfying moan from him.

"You're being naughty today," San whispered.

"You're being too good today," Seohyun retorted.

"Don't challenge me, Lee Seohyun," San warned, grinning.

"What you're gonna do, Choi San?"

San shook his head once, taking his hands away from her. Seohyun was going to protest but he took off his jacket and kissed Seohyun so hard that she found herself curving back and back until she was lying on the grass. He kissed her face, her neck, her collarbone, one hand on her waist, one roaming around, and Seohyun was a mess.

"What do you say? Do you regret this now?" San asked, smirking.

"Can't say I regret it," Seohyun answered, out of breath.

San laughed, kissing her one last time before lying down with her, holding her close.

Seohyun smiled. "This reminds me of the time when we first kissed," she said, "You were so sleepy."

"I was wide awake internally," San said, making her laugh a little. Seohyun traced his face with her fingers.

"I love you, San."

San's eyes went a little wide in surprise. Seohyun continued, "I know I haven't said it before. I don't know what I waited for. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," San brought her closer as if hugging her, "You didn't have to. I see it everyday."

Seohyun smiled, "Still. I have to say it out loud. I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. If I knew love would make me feel pain like this, this weird satisfying sort of pain in the heart, this ache, I would've run away. But I still love you."

"I feel the same," San said, sighing, "I feel scared for you, I'm afraid that you'll get hurt. You do such a dangerous job. I hope I could have been more help. I love you so much that I wish I'd have to do all this instead of you."

"You don't have to," Seohyun said, "This is enough. You, like this, is more than enough."

San couldn't help it; he kissed her again, and it felt like he could cry.

After a few moments, they finally got up. San wore his jacket, and said, "Oh, I almost forgot."

He took out a box from his pocket and handed it to Seohyun. Seohyun opened it to see a locket with a silver star, a single diamante shining in the middle of it.

"It's beautiful," Seohyun smiled, "Is that what you shopped for today?"

"Yep. Come here," San took the necklace from her and helped her wear it.

"Thank you. I'm never gonna take it off," Seohyun said and San laughed.

"Are you saying I should never take this jacket off too?"

"Well," Seohyun shrugged, "If you can manage."

They were laughing when Seohyun's smile suddenly fell from her face.

"There's someone behind me San," she whispered, not taking her eyes off him. "Don't look."

San almost looked away on impulse but Seohyun took his hand, grabbing his attention. "I said don't look. Smile like you were before, quick. Laugh."

San laughed awkwardly, making sure he was smiling. "Look from the corner of your eyes, can you see something?"

San did, and whispered, "I think I see something moving to your left, but it's a bit far I think."

"It's not good," Seohyun whispered, and San understood. "We're gonna have to make a run for it. On the count of three?"

San nodded, squeezing her hand.

"One. Two. Three."

San took her hand and made a dash, realizing that they couldn't go to the trail they'd come for since it was in the opposite direction. Seohyun took the lead, dragging San with her, trying to remember the other way. She looked back once and saw a sickly old woman almost caught up now. A little scream left her and they both ran, Seohyun stopping to grab a rock and aim at the woman. It narrowly missed her but distracted her long enough that they gained speed.

"Where's the other trail?" San shouted and Seohyun went through path after path, not bothering to reply. They were probably lost now.

Seohyun was about to give up and face the woman when a pair of hands grabbed her and she felt herself teleporting a few feet away from where they were, gaining more distance. She heard San gasp and looked to make sure he was okay, but hands grabbed her and she was running again.

"You!" Seohyun exclaimed. The boy and the girl- the brother and sister that had died here. She could not believe it.

"There's a cave here, we're teleporting again, grab on tight!"

Seohyun squeezed San's hand and shut her eyes. One moment she was running and the other she had jumped through time and space and was in the said cave.

"You call this a cave?" Seohyun asked. The boy ignored her, peeking out of the 'cave' as he covered the entrance with more tree branches.

San still held her hand, out of breath, taking out the bottles from Seohyun's bag and handing one to her while he drank some too.

"She lost us," The boy looked back and smiled proudly, high fiving his sister.

The boy must have been 16- he was a tall, lean kid. His short hair were spiky and his eyes were the same as his sister's- who must have been a year older. She looked at Seohyun and said, "Didn't expect to meet you like this, Seohyun."

Seohyun wiped her mouth. "Hi, Gayoung." She looked at the boy then, "Thanks, Youngjae."

"We owed you one," he said, motioning them to sit and take a breather. "We've been living here, so we kind of knew about the woman. She's an old soul, that one. I don't think you can do anything about her, best if you avoid her."

"Well, she should avoid me! Next time I'm gonna kill her-"

"I see you haven't changed," Gayoung grinned. "Who's that with you? And why is he not freaking out?"

"He's my boyfriend," Seohyun said, and Gayoung and Youngjae ooh-ed. "He knows. There was some accident, so he can see ghosts now too. Can't touch them."

"Interesting," Youngjae scanned San. "I didn't know we could teleport others too."

"Only because I was holding him. I guess because it was the two of you, it didn't require me to properly hold him. Remember Jiwoo? She tried it once. Took me to the ghost realm accidentally, with him!"

"With him!" Gayoung gasped, "Is that why he can...?"

"Yes!" Seohyun answered, "I almost died making that trip."

San elbowed Seohyun. "You call that dying?"

"Shut up. So you live here still?"

"Yes, we'll actually move on before the year completes," Youngjae said, "We're just waiting for our parent's wedding anniversary. We used to celebrate it, so we just wanna see them happy before we move on."

"Ah, that's good."

"Where's Jiwoo anyway?" Gayoung asked.

"She moved on," Seohyun sighed.

"So she finally remembered? Good for her!" Youngjae said and they nodded.

After catching up a few minutes, they decided it was safe to go back. Seohyun thanked them earnestly, saying she owed them one more now because this was too big a favour. They just dismissed it, telling her to stay safe. They guided them to another shortcut and soon the two of them were on the way home.

They stopped by at Seohyun's first, and San went inside with her for a moment, hugging her, telling her she was so brave for keeping her calm in that situation, telling her he was proud. With a kiss to her forehead, he left for home.

Seohyun washed up and fell on her bed, beyond exhausted. She recalled the day in her mind; it was a day well spent, if you ignored the last part. She smiled as she played the moments in her head; San was such a sweetheart today. She was playing with her necklace as she fell asleep.

----------------

The few days that followed their rather adventurous first date were as normal as they could get, keeping in mind the fact that it was Seohyun's life in question. She had a tremendous amount of school work to catch up to, and several ghosts to help move on.

Having friends actually helped, Seohyun realized one day as she was doing her homework. She was an average student; she'd do great if she tried, and if she didn't... well. So they'd help her with the subjects they were good at, they'd be her personal motivators, and she'd try to return the favours as well as she could.

She'd been thinking about how she could return the long due favour to Hongjoong and Wooyoung. They'd help her update her wardrobe, and the feedbacks she'd gotten were amazing. She supposed San was a softie and would compliment her even if she was in her worst hoodie, but when critics like Yeosang complimented her, she'd feel glad. She didn't really care about how she looked, but it felt good to dress up once in a while. Special occasions only.

Seohyun sighed as she shut her notebook close and got up, stretching. She found herself going to the music room. There were no drums anymore to relieve her of her stress, but she supposed she could do with something else. The violin reminded her of San as she picked it up, and she kind of missed him, so she put that down. She went to the piano, and inhaled. She'd be playing it for the first time now, after Joon Hyuk.

She tested the keys; it sounded out of tune. But she let her fingers naturally roll over them, found herself playing a familiar tune, the one Joon Hyuk had taught her. She smiled as she played. It had truly been a while.

After she was done, she nodded as she figured out what she'd get Hongjoong and Wooyoung. Something they really needed.

-----------

"You're the best!" Wooyoung tackled Seohyun in a tight hug, making Seohyun yell as she tried to push him away.

"How did you come up with this idea?" Hongjoong asked as he admired the speakers in front of him.

"I noticed you could use speakers here without disturbing anyone. And with how loud you all are, you definitely needed it."

Seonghwa connected the speakers to his phone, blasting full volume as he checked them, his mouth turning into an O as he nodded in admiration. "They must have cost you quite a bit?"

"Oh, it's okay. Let's forget about that part," Seohyun waved him off, and Yunho ruffled her hair.

Mingi passed her a juice box and she sipped on it, checking the time. "I have to go now. Mom's coming home tonight."

"Do you want me to walk you home?" San asked.

"Oh, don't bother, enjoy these speakers," Seohyun said, giving him a fist bump as she left. She hummed along as she walked, but she had only taken one turn when she thought she saw something out of the corner of her eye.

Another ghost? She had just dealt with one right after school, before joining the boys in the warehouse.

Something flashed right behind her and she whipped to her left, stumbling. She checked left and right but it seemed the ghost had disappeared. But something about its rotting scent was familiar-

Seohyun's breath left her as she was pushed, and she turned just in time so she'd hit the wall with the side of her body instead of face first. She winced in pain, pushing the hair out of her eyes. There was no one there.

But she didn't have to check who it was. The scent had been enough for her.

Seohyun contemplated running home or back to the warehouse. Ghosts couldn't enter property without the owner or mediator's permission, and since the warehouse was the closest, she decided she'd make a run for it.

She smelt it as she run, dodging one attack but getting scratched on the back near her shoulder with something sharp- she assumed it was nails. Seohyun ran faster; glad for all the running she'd done as a kid, wishing a good soul would appear and help her. But it was only her- a useless mediator with the power to only see and touch the ghosts, against a vengeful spirit.

Seohyun turned and she was in front of the warehouse. She could hear the music blast and she ran even faster if she could, until she came within what she assumed was the boundary of the property. She turned and indeed, she saw the woman, this time in the clear of the day. She wasn't sure if she could even call it a woman at this point; it was a tangle of overgrown hair, pale skin and dark eyes with purple lips. And long, long nails.

Seohyun shook her head as it disappeared and she stood in the middle of the road, contemplating once again if she should go home and risk encountering them again, or going to the warehouse, and encountering THEM.

She threw her hands in the air in frustration and went inside the warehouse.

"Oh, she's back-" Jongho paused mid-sentence as he saw the disheveled figure of Seohyun, with a bruise on her cheekbone.

Seohyun walked to them, looking at San whose eyes were wide. "It's her," she said, "the one from that hill."

San came to her, inspecting her face; the bruise was light, thankfully. "Are you hurt somewhere else?"

"On my back, I think," Seohyun turned her neck to see and indeed, her shirt was torn where those nails had scratched her. San took her to the sofa and Seonghwa brought a first aid kit, Seohyun eyeing it warily. "I should ask why you have a first aid kit."

"For a day like this, I suppose," Hongjoong said, handing her a glass of water. Seohyun looked at him once as she drank.

"How did she find you?" San asked, taking her hand and caressing it.

"It took her a while to find me, it's been more than two weeks."

"What happened?" Hongjoong asked and Seohyun explained, everyone sitting around her to hear her story.

"Why do ghosts start to look like that?" Yeosang asked.

"I don't exactly know, but time does that to them, I think."

"Don't they look scary?" Wooyoung asked.

"They look scary, but I think the fact that they were human once makes it less scarier to me?" Seohyun shrugged. She grabbed the ointment, applying it to the wound on her face. Then she looked at Seonghwa. "Is the wound on my back bad?"

Seonghwa peeked at what he could see from the torn part of her shirt, there were long cuts. "I think you should get them treated."

"Can you do something about it right now? I'll get them treated later," Seohyun said, biting her lip. Seonghwa nodded. He inspected her state, then said in a low voice, "You'll have to take off your shirt."

Seohyun groaned. At times like this, she really did miss Jiwoo.

"Or we can cut your shirt, since it's already torn," Seonghwa suggested, looking at her with a sad look in his eyes.

"I'll take it off," Seohyun said, "Let's not be awkward about this, okay? Which one of you is the best at first aid?"

"Seonghwa definitely," Mingi said.

"Should I do it?" San asked.

"You're the worst at it," Wooyoung muttered, making Seohyun scoff.

"It's just when it's someone I'm close to! I can't bear it!"

The two of them started to argue, and Seohyun decided to stop them. "I'd like you all to disappear to a corner while Seonghwa does his job. Give me some privacy. And San, you can stay if you want to."

The rest of the boys rushed away, and Seohyun bit her lip. "Not how you thought you'd see me without a shirt for the first time, eh San?"

Seonghwa went into a fit of coughs while San gaped at her statement, finally giving in after a few seconds and laughing, shaking his head. "You really pick the worst time for jokes."

"Alright, here goes," Seohyun turned her back to them and took off her shirt, San helping her hold her hair. She was left in a black bra. She wasn't flustered; not when the exposed wound left her skin stinging, and she sucked in her breath.

San helped her sit on the floor and she brought her arms to her chest, her hair covering the rest of her as Seonghwa carefully applied ointment on the three parallel scratches that ran from her shoulder all the way to the the middle of her back.

"She got you bad, Seohyun," San said worriedly, "what if she comes here?"

"She can't," Seohyun answered, "Can't enter property without owner or my permission."

"That's useful," Seonghwa muttered.

"That's actually handy, Seonghwa," Seohyun had noticed the sarcasm in his voice; she supposed he was angry at the whole situation. "I'm glad I was near when it happened." She rested her head on her knees, San watching Seonghwa apply bandages now, so careful with it. He was definitely being extra careful.

San went to get an extra shirt they had around for Seohyun, and Seonghwa finished up. Seohyun peeked at the bandages, impressed.

"Thanks, Seonghwa."

"Don't mention it," Seonghwa put the stuff back in the kit, "I wish you'd be more careful in the future."

"I can't help it, Seonghwa, believe me, I'm the most careful now," Seohyun said and Seonghwa locked his eyes with her.

"I just don't want to see you hurt, Seohyun-ah. It pains me."

"I know," Seohyun sighed, "I understand."

Seonghwa hesitated then patted her head. "I'm sure you did well back then," he smiled warmly.

"Finally. Thanks again," Seohyun laughed, and San was back. Seohyun took the shirt from him and wore it, standing up. "I'll take a taxi now."

"You sure you don't want me to come with you?" San asked.

"Oh no, it's okay now. She can't follow me in a taxi."

"Okay, at least let me walk you out."

Seohyun said thanks and bye to them all, and they told her to be careful. San and her walked out of the warehouse, and San grabbed her hand, bringing her in for a hug. Seohyun hugged him back, her arms on his back, smiling.

"Were you scared back then?" San asked.

"A little," Seohyun admitted, "Just glad I was near."

San broke the hug, putting her hair behind her ears, touching her cheek below the bruise. "Does it hurt?"

"This? Nope. The one in the back, yes, a little."

"Do get proper treatment," San said, looking at her worriedly.

"I will," Seohyun laughed, "Don't worry too much?"

"How can I not?" San shook his head, leaning forward to kiss her. "Your taxi's here."

------------

Seohyun reached home, cleaning the mess around the house, until she heard the sound of the door opening. Her mother was home.

Seohyun said hello and smiled at her. She looked nothing like her mom; she was tall, had pointy features and narrow eyes, and she looked sharp and intelligent. Her dark hair reached her shoulders. She put her handbag on the table and came to gave her a hug.

"How have you been?"

"Just the usual," Seohyun said, "What about you?"

"Ugh, I've been so busy," she said, collapsing on the sofa. "What do we have for dinner?"

"I'll set the table," Seohyun said. She had prepared her favourite dishes with the help of their previous housemaid, who she was still on good terms with. The old woman would drop by every once in a while, and she'd exchange her kimchi and some traditional dishes for Seohyun's pastas and desserts that she loved.

The mother and daughter caught up on studies and work as they ate. She told Seohyun she would have a busy time in the following month, but she'd try to come for her birthday, or else it was gonna be Christmas.

"How's the ghost business?" Her mother asked, drinking water.

"Was going well, until today I encountered an evil one," Seohyun said, "You'd have to help me with a wound I got on my back."

Her mother stared at her. "Are you alright?"

"Oh I am," Seohyun nodded, "I'll deal with her, I was just caught off-guard. She got me for a second."

"I hope you do," her mother said, "Tell me if you need help."

Seohyun smirked at her, "Wrong thing to say."

Her mother laughed, "Yeah, you probably know way more people than I do. Come on, let me have a look."

Seohyun showed her, and her mother winced. She helped change her bandages and gave her a doctor's information so she could visit and get treated, make up a story about how it was a stray dog or something. Seohyun thanked her, and after chatting a while, she left her to sleep.

"When will you return to work?" Seohyun asked.

"Tomorrow evening. I'll see you off for school in the morning. We'll see each other next month then."

"Oh, okay. Goodnight," Seohyun said, coming to her room and lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She wished she had stayed longer. But it was okay.

This was enough.

-----------------

A week had passed without further incidents. Seohyun was careful; she'd take taxi if she could, or she'd keep the sibling duo with her. She called them in, saying she'd owe them one if they could teleport her when needed. So the duo happily stick with her, saying they were bored of living in the hills and would like to visit a school too.

The boys had become friendly with the duo; they'd either communicate through San (who had given up now; he was quite tired of being their voice) or through the old-fashioned way: notebooks. They'd pretend to be studying in class when in fact they'd be having a conversation with the ghosts.

"I have a question," Yeosang said to Seohyun in the middle of class. Seohyun, who had been staring at Mingi and Gayoung conversing, looked at Yeosang.

"How would you get rid of old ghosts like the one you encountered?"

"Good question," Seohyun said, "There are a few options. I could try to talk sense into them. If that doesn't work, I get help from the good ghosts and threaten them. Like, every ghost had some sort of faith, right? Usually works if you use their god against them."

"But what if they have no faith anymore?"

"Goodnight, then, I guess," Seohyun said and Yeosang gasped. "You take help from actual exorcists then too. I once did. Got quite rough, but it works."

"Sounds dangerous," he muttered.

"Kind of," Seohyun agreed.

Seohyun was walking home after school with her new ghost friends when she sensed something amiss. "Just when I thought it was over."

Gayoung and Youngjae covered her back and front defensively. The woman appeared out of nowhere, stopping when she saw the ghosts.

"Well, well," she said, and Seohyun winced. Her voice sounded creepy. "What do we have here?"

"What do you want?" Seohyun asked.

"Death of you," the woman laughed, "Don't try to talk me out of it. You can't."

"What good is that gonna do to you?" Seohyun asked, genuinely curious.

The woman laughed again, this time sarcastically. "Don't tell me you didn't know? When a mediator dies, there is a short time period during which there is no other mediator in the world. That's when ghosts can do whatever they want; trespass, interact with humans, and much more."

"How is that true? I mean, if it were really true, more people would be trying to kill me, won't they?"

"Oh dear," the woman smiled this time, all knowingly, which sent chills throughout her body, "That's why it's a secret, isn't it?"

Gayoung and Youngjae shared looks. If it was true, they could interact with their parents, which was all they wanted. But they wouldn't harm Seohyun for that. Not after all she had done for them.

"I'll be back, girl," the woman's voice was sure, "When you least expect it. And I'll make sure I hear you screaming before you die."

The three of them watched as she gave her a long final look before she disappeared. They were quite for a few seconds and Seohyun caught her breath. "Don't tell me you both want to kill me now too."

"Oh, we wouldn't," Gayoung said, "We really wouldn't."

"You sound very assuring, noona," Youngjae said sarcastically, earning a tsk as he looked at Seohyun. "Let's get you home. We'll look for someone else who can get rid of that old bitch."

Seohyun nodded and they walked home, the duo arguing while Seohyun just walked blankly. She couldn't get the look the ghost had given out of her head. She sounded so sure. As if she had something already planned for her.

Seohyun sat in front of the TV for hours, her mind blank. All she could think was how her gut had felt when she'd said that. As if that was something that was bound to happen. Was she really gonna die?

Seohyun had never been too afraid of dying; not like an average person. For her, it was a life full of danger. She had welcomed and played with aspect of death. But her life had changed drastically over the past months. She had found people to live for. And that meant she was more scared this time.

Her phone buzzed and she read the text. It was from San asking if she wanted him to come over. Seohyun bit her lips in thought. Then she texted 'come over with chocolate ice cream please'.

And San did so. They sat on the sofa, watching TV and eating ice cream as they talked about this and that. Seohyun somehow found it very easy to talk to him, and so did San. He told her all about how he used to live in the countryside when he was little (hence the slight accent), he had mostly grown up with his grandparents because his parents were busy people.

"Don't you miss your parents when they're away?" Seohyun asked. Her ice cream was finished.

"I do, of course. Don't you?"

"I miss my mom sometimes," Seohyun admitted. "She's not as bad as you all think."

San gave her a pointed look and she threw a pillow at him, which he caught. "Come on, you have to admit. She talks to me. She let's me do normal stuff. She doesn't think I'm crazy. And she remembers my birthday every year. That's more than I can ask for."

"Don't you wish she did more?"

"I used to, but then I just accepted it. It's just the way it is."

San looked at her and spread his arms for her. She just threw another pillow at him, rolling her eyes. "I'm serious."

"Okay, okay. What about the ghost?"

"Well," Seohyun sighed and told him what had happened. San listened intently.

"Is there something we can do about it?" he asked.

"I'll go to that exorcist I know, but San," Seohyun turned to face him, "Something's different this time. I can't shake the feeling that something bad is gonna happen."

"It's probably just you overthinking?"

"No, it's different this time," Seohyun sounded sure, and San was actually surprised, "Something is gonna happen and it's gonna be bad. God, I want to cry."

San watched as she put her head in her hands, sighing. She heard San scoot over and she scooted away. "If you hug me now, I'm afraid I'll really cry."

"It's okay to cry, Seohyun, come here," San grabbed her arm and brought her in for a hug, and Seohyun let herself cry. It had been so long since she'd last cry.

"I'm sorry," Seohyun said, sniffing, "I miss Jiwoo a lot, if she was here, she would have handled this so well. I can't help but feel scared for you."

"Do you think something's gonna happen to me?" San asked as he patted her head.

"No. I don't know. I don't know and it's making me so frustrated," Seohyun said and cried harder. San only patted her back, muttering comforting words.

Seohyun drew back and wiped her face. "Sorry for crying on you."

"Anytime," San laughed. "I can understand that you're scared Seohyun, tell me what I can do for you."

"Just- stay with me. That's enough."

San nodded, taking her hand. "Do you want me to play something for you?"

Seohyun raised her brow, "Can you?"

"I can play the piano a little bit, unless you want me to play the violin and scare the dead away."

Seohyun laughed, "Let's go."

They went to the room, and San showed her what he'd learnt from Hongjoong of the piano. Seohyun appreciated the gesture, and on his insistence, she played the violin for him again, and he watched her adoringly.

When she was done, she put the violin down. "I came here a few days ago. I wanted to play the violin but I couldn't because it reminded me of you and I missed you. I played today. It seems like now I only play for you."

Seohyun was packing the violin when San hugged her from the back, his arms around her waist as he rocked them back and forth. Seohyun smiled. He was such a romantic.

"I like that," he whispered in her ear, making her laugh because it tickled. He nibbled on her ear, making her laugh.

"It's like the music room does something to you, San, you become such a romantic."

"I can assure you I'm the same anywhere else too," he said, still hugging her.

Seohyun looked at the clock. It was already 10 pm and they had no school tomorrow. She broke the hug and looked at him, his hands on her waist now.

"I know it's too much to ask, San, and I need you to give an honest answer, okay? I won't mind. But, can you... stay here tonight?" Seohyun almost whispered, tears welling up in her eyes again. "I'm just- I can't be alone tonight. I feel it. Something's gonna happen."

San touched her face, nodding. "Of course. If you want me to. I'll leave early in the morning."

Seohyun sighed in relief, a tear escaping her eye, "Thank you, San. Thank you."

San wiped the tear from her face. He felt scared about how she was feeling too. It was so unusual. Seohyun was always so strong, and she felt so... human. He couldn't leave her like this. He bent down and kissed her lips slowly, her arms going around his neck and her hands in his hair, clearly glad for the distraction.

She broke apart and took his hand, taking him to her bedroom, only the dim lamp on. She pushed him on the bed, surprising him, as she shut the door and kicked off her shoes, climbing on the bed and sitting on his lap. His arms were holding him from lying down and Seohyun went to cup his face and kiss him, so deeply as if she was saying her thanks through this. San's stomach turned, his heart beating wildly and he took the chance, taking one arm to grab her, but fell flat on the bed.

Seohyun was now on top of him. She stared at him for the longest time, and it made San feel so many different things. He saw the necklace he had given her dangling off her neck, and his hand went to touch it as a smile made its way on his face.

Seohyun smiled too then gave him soft pecks on his lips, both of them smiling through it. She was taking her sweet time and San had enough. He flipped her down, now on top of her, making her gasp in surprise as he smirked. But his smirked wiped off as she leaned forward and took his shirt off, running her hands through his toned body.

"Damn, San, I didn't know you worked out," Seohyun smirked.

San only smiled as he kissed her, loving the feeling of her hands all over him. His hands went to her waist and she broke apart for a second, motioning him to unbutton her shirt. San looked at her to make sure it was okay and she nodded, rolling her eyes but smiling.

"Is your wound okay now?" San asked as he unbuttoned her shirt.

"Probably left a scar," Seohyun muttered and he made her sit so he could check.

She was right. 3 parallel scratches had left their scar. It would take time to fade. "You reminded me of that ghost again, San. Distract me."

San kissed her bare shoulder, making her gasp, and kissed and nibbled on her neck, playing with her necklace. Seohyun moaned and felt San smile. She slapped his shoulder, making him laugh. "You asked for it," he said.

"I'm gonna make you moan so loud, Choi San-"

"Sshh," he said, kissing her passionately. Seohyun took that chance to bite on his lower lip while her hands gripped his waist now, and that earned her a moan. It was her turn to smile. San kissed her some more, before lying down with her, pulling the covers over them.

"It's late," he said, bringing her closer, "Sleep now."

"I don't wanna..." Seohyun said, putting her arm around him and kissed his neck, earning a sigh.

"I'm not gonna be able to stop if you keep doing that," San sighed. Seohyun melted at his words.

"Glad to know that," she whispered, but just hugged him, kissing his shoulder innocently now.

"I love you, San. You know that, right?"

"I know," he whispered back.

"I should tell you that everyday. Hell, I should have told you that everyday. I'm sorry."

"Seohyun," San made her face him, "You don't have to. I know that. You don't even have to say it out loud."

"Still," Seohyun said, "I should have told you that everyday."

San stared at her. He kissed her forehead and hugged her. "I love you too. And you know that right? I say it everyday, goofily, jokingly, or sometimes serious. But you still know it, even when I say it as a joke. That's because you know, just like I do."

Seohyun nodded. She buried her face in his chest, going under the covers, his arms securely around him.

"Goodnight, love." San whispered.

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dallonm-archive · 3 years

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[image description: a cropped image of a pink sky. on the right hand side is a bunch of darker pink clouds. Just left of the centre is a full moon. In the centre, in a white serif font reads "writing update" /end id]

july writing update

Hi friends! This writing update is me pretending I did Camp Nano and didn't kinda give up a week in! I had a proper goal and everything, but a lot of things got in the way that I'm not gonna talk about here because I already ranted about it in another update I'm drafting rn. Lets just say it's Disability Pride Month and being not neurotypical or able bodied in writing communities and their inherent focus on productivity is Hard.

But I did get some writing done and wanted to do a little Camp wrap up post regardless. And I'm doing it now because I'm cancelling the last week of July for some rest/self care and I do not want to think about writing for that time and if I write a tumblr post about July Nano being over my brain will think it's actually over <3 I will probably do updates like these for most months tho! Depends on how much I write lol! This one is not too long (by my standards) and has some Revelations, Revelations, Life Cycle of Massive Stars, Nocturne for the Holy and a new wip idea 👁️

excerpts under the cut!

general taglist ; ask to be + or - ; i only have one! ; @childhoodlovers @svpphicwrites @abiandwriting @kowlazovdi @avi-why @ryns-ramblings @kitblogsthings @bijouxs @bookphobe @moonhungers @alicewestwater @bookpacking @shaelinwrites @onlyganymede @theelectricfactory @write-like-babs @oceancold @sidhewrites @wolf-oak @oasis-of-you @coffeeandcalligraphy @cecilsstorycorner @howdywrites @keira-is-writing @flip-phones @piyawrites @avakrahn @goose-books @finch-goes-write @ziyin @aphaimaniis @isherwoodj @laughtracksonata

I'm also editing this in to say I only just realised that July is my writeblr birthday month and that is very weird to me! A year and a couple days ago I impulsively turned an old blog into a place to document writing for me and ended up meeting people who now mean the world to me and my writing blossoming in a way I never thought it would. And the funny part is it doesn't feel like it's been a year, ever since I joined it's just felt like life has Always been this way and I cannot fathom that it hasn't. I'm sappy bc it's 4am lol but ultimately the friends I made (you know who you are) and the community I found is what retaught me the value of writing and helped me unlearn toxic ideas and whilst the last year was tough I wish I could tell July 2020 Dallon (who did not realise he was Dallon yet </3) what July 2021 would look like.

revelations, revelations ;

Oh the absolute state of affairs with this book rn. Nothing bad but I don't know when I'm gonna update y'all because sometimes I do not know where to start when talking about this wip lol! Currently on a break with it (but also my thesis work is on late 20th century queer lit/history rn so am ever really free of RR? <3) but had a lot of fun with it at the end of June/start of July. Anyway here's Dorothy finally revealing more of herself to me after a year. Dorothy as a character is like, I truly believe she is capable of killing a man but the story she is in just does not allow that so I am trying to grow her unhinged side a little bit in other ways bc I know she has it in her but I also really cannot deal with the plot repercussions of her actually killing a man! I'm sorry Dotty but this'll have to do!

(cw for groping/a man being creepy as hell, death/funeral mention, drug mention, drowning imagery kinda)

There’s too much to tell Felix. That his sister lives on the fringe of Castro and has attended three funerals since September; that it’s January 11th and she’s already attended one this year. That his sister drives through sunsets and imagines parties: the amber dusk, warm mosaic tiles, platters of Greek salad skewers and shrimp tostadas, and sometimes Jolie joins her and they share a blunt on the hill. That his sister bought an aquamarine body-length dress for six bucks in a thrift store sale bin, so when her and Jolie broke up for the second time, she waltzed into a sunset party, locked arms with a CEO’s son and gave him a fake number and plucked strawberries out of champagne and blended so well nobody noticed when she left. That during the summer of ’83, his sister walked a neighbour’s Golden Retriever on Wednesdays, and on the sixth Wednesday he gave her a wad of tens with one hand and palmed the back of her neck with the other, so she walked his dog to the beach and stole another hundred from his wallet. That his sister bombed an interview for a Nursing school and didn’t get home until night and missed their monthly call, and Jolie heard the phone ring and didn’t take a message, so his sister snuck into the CEO’s son’s villa and floated in the centre of their heated pool like a cloud. A pause, a breath, an Opheliean threat.

life cycle of massive stars ;

Switched to LCOMS this month because I was burnt out with RR and it made such the difference! I really love working on two novels at once because it keeps me consistently creative but also both of these books are so different so its always refreshing to bounce back into one from another. I have a whole update in the drafts rn for this so keeping this part brief but still love this book, still the best thing that has ever happened to me, me and this book will have a glorious summer wedding etc etc. These excerpts are from chapters that summarise the first semester of each character's first year and have to say it. has been Very Fun to get into the mindset of Freshers Melodrama. Here's Junie having a crisis and an unhealthy relationship with her hetero flatmate :( (alcohol cw for both excerpts)

In October you are drinking double espresso and trying to breathe normally in lectures and you are trying to figure out your favourite colour because Fleur asked and you stumbled out an answer (Purple, I think. Violet? Lavender? Indigo?) and it didn’t match hers (I like yellow. I like sunlight). You buy mugs from IKEA to paint you paint cats and fireworks and constellations and moon phases and daisies. You try to scratch paint stains off your desk. You do laundry at 2am. In October you colour code your notes with pastel highlighters. You go to the library at 3am. You paint your nails sunlight and hate it. You finish an essay that’s due in December. You knock on Fleur’s door at 8am so she makes her 9am. You wear off the shoulder tops and you let a girl dab glitter on your collarbones and you are watching Fleur kiss a boy from the neighbouring hall. You bite your sunlight nails. You break the handle off your IKEA constellation mug. You leave your keys in a lecture hall and stand at the reception for forty minutes waiting for them to realise that the keys on the desk have the moon chain you mentioned - or, you are waiting to say it yourself. You are watching the rain trail down your window. In October you get a halo headband tangled in your hair you are sipping a vampire themed cocktail that tastes like acetone you rip your heels off and you go home early and do laundry at 2am and you are waiting for the courage to tell Fleur you don’t like clubbing - or, you are waiting for her to ask where you are. In October you are many things / a good student a dancer a painter an angel a big sister an alarm clock you are nocturnal and a lucid dreamer and confused about your sexuality / and it’s still October but it’s not because it’s November now and you are still Junie but not because you don’t know who Junie is. It’s November, it’s September October November December. It’s 2016 2017 2018 2019. You are fragments and you don’t know if you are a kaleidoscope or shattered glass.

And here's first year Tomas being like I Moved Countries For University And All I Got Was Homesickness And A Crush On My Flatmate And Resurging Autistic Symptoms And This Lousy T Shirt (cw: vomit mention, injection mention, parental death mention)

Kristen is seven months younger and five inches taller than you. He’s the last flatmate you met and the only one you talk to beyond kitchen greetings and passive aggressive texts about dirty dishes. He is too quiet and too loud and not the type of person you befriend. The first night, he lost Ring of Fire and downed the concoction of Echo Falls, Dark Fruits, Jack Daniels and coke, vodka and lemonade alongside a cigarette and said he’d let God figure out the rest. He held your hair back when you threw up amaretto and held onto your knee when you first self-injected testosterone. He taught you Yorkshire dialect and you pretended to understand the Yorkshire dialect. He told you he got diagnosed at four and you told him you didn’t get past the first assessment but sometimes you flick the bathroom light on and it’s fire: the orange on the orange towel is louder, the white on the white tiles are louder, the colours and light and sink and showerhead are prickly and all you can do is blink and breathe until it fizzles out. You reminded him to take his meds and asked if you were weak for wanting to drop out and hop on the first Eurostar to Rotterdam. He reminded you to take off your binder and asked if he was robotic for not grieving his mother. You spent inky nights on the kitchen floor, counting the dead flies in the lights and scooping crumbly coconut ice cream out of a maker you got for half price in TK Maxx. You spent dusk-dusted afternoons at the global street food markets, at the vegan markets. Spent student loans on raspberry lemonade in recycled cups, veggie burgers in beetroot buns, got him hooked on poffertjes and advocaat and could’ve cried when the vendor spoke to you in Dutch. Sometimes you didn’t buy anything. Just liked hovering at stalls ambered with fairy lights, writing down Etsy stores on your notes app; just liked Kristen’s impulse to trek forty minutes into the city for a market he didn’t know existed until five minutes before; just liked how he always invited only you, cancelling your other plans last minute, the feeling of being ambushed; just liked how he stopped to take photos of dogs and the sunset; just liked how he looked haloed under lampposts waiting for Ubers, golden on golden.

This is also nearing creative nonfiction because Sheffield truly is a haven for just. vegan markets and cafes lol! I experimented with veganism there and never struggled to find something and at this point I call myself a fake vegan because it's too easy to be vegan in Sheffield and too difficult to be vegan in my actual hometown. And the global street food markets!!! SO GOOD! I miss pre pandemic days

nocturne for the holy ;

Giving her a little shout out because she does exist actually! I've figured out a really good system for working on two novels at a time, so my plan is maybe to start properly on this after I finish either RR or LCOMS. Idk I got 3 novels to pick from haha oops! I did do some free drafting back in April though and found it recently and I Like It! And I edited it so it counts as Something I Did This Month :) Also have decided that I loathe this working title <3 Okay see you with an update for this novel in like a year, sorry for the absolute zero context for this excerpt hehe

The morning I was due back, I hadn’t yet decided that this would be my last visit. I wandered between rooms like an overstayed guest, like I didn’t know which crockery lived in which cabinet and which bedroom had the best view of the overlapped hills. Dad would wake for his run in an hour, plastered to his twenty-year-old routine. Mum would pretend to be asleep until breakfast. Until then, it was myself and the house, hazed by sleepy sunrise. Downstairs. The peeling paisley wallpaper in the lounge, the lilies in the middle of the kitchen table, the vases of candy floss pink peonies wilting on every windowsill, the desolate double swing-set in the garden. The mist-clogged mornings. I stood outside in my dressing-gown until my fingertips felt numb. Upstairs. The sage coloured bathroom. The bathtub I’d laze in with my clothes on and no water because it was the quietest room in the house. The dusty dance trophies on the top of my wardrobe. Wine-flushed Jeanette in my teenage bedroom. The stale grey mum painted my teenage bedroom after I moved out. Minus their room, I stalked the layout of the house three times before settling back into bed - teenage Nora’s bed. Nora who cared for peonies and pushed her brother on the swing set and flung her ceramic ballerina at the wall and jogged with her father and collected wine bottles and acorns and kisses from girls who were supposed to visit for dance practice. Before I left, I’d have cycled each room another three times. And in every room he was there, hovered in the corner like black mould.

love this update bc it's like i've got my third person, my second person, my first person! collecting all the POVs like chaos emeralds :)

eulogy for our burnings ;

-looks away-

girl help I did it AGAIN!!!! Apparently Camp Nano is just the perfect time for me to get novel ideas. I made this post specifically to talk a bit about this because I have no idea when I'll draft it but it's certainly not soon. This is not me trying to doubt my own skill but I feel like I am not in the place I'd like to be as a writer to tackle this project with the zest it needs, however I am v excited by the prospect of it! Don't know how I feel about the working title bc I'm like "that doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about this wip to dispute it" but the only purpose my working titles serve is to sound pretty lol! But here's the tea:

1991, UK.

2nd person present + past. Very flexible form. I can't decipher how yet but I'm feeling interviews, newspaper articles, receipts, grocery store lists weaved with actual narrative, that kinda vibe.

Best summary is we follow our nameless narrator, a stealth trans man, as he becomes unhealthily obsessed with a man who "hires" him to photograph the buildings he burns

Very,,, isolated? Minimal settings, minimal characters, minimal prose etc. Almost claustrophobic

There's basically only two characters and they are probably the most morally deplorable, indefensible characters I've created which just means most of you are gonna LOVE this /lh I do too I do too

Only comp title I can give is it has the vibes/tone of Boy Parts by Eliza Clark (just with none of the nsfw content lol if you've read the book you know what I'm talking about) (also that book is great for morally deplorable women protagonists but omg look up the content warnings because it caught me off guard! enjoyed it tho gave it 4 stars)

The pinterest board is the best visualisation of the Vibes also follow me on pinterest lol

And that's all I've got today! A bigger Life Cycle of Massive Stars update coming in the next few weeks. Might do a proper intro post for Eulogy For Our Burnings but idk!!! It's a surprise :) Thank you for reading this far!

#also i have LOTS to catch up on so if u tagged me in anything im gonna do a big queue of rb's soon!#promise im not ignoring anybody!#just barely functioning <3 #atlastracking #writing update #revelations revelations #life cycle of massive stars #nocturne for the holy #eulogy for our burnings

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gladiatortale · 3 years

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My DEPRESSION BEATING, fandom obsessing, shit-tastic FANTASTIC year in review!

TL;DR: I’m fixing my mental health and figuring out WHO THE FUCK I AM one fandom filled day at a time! Thank you to everyone who’s been there for me along the way. xoxo

what’s up HEATHENS.

stating the goddamn obvious here, it’s been a HELLUVA YEAR. One emotional rollercoaster after another but we’re ALMOST DONE. I know things aren’t gonna magically get better the second it flips to 00:01 on January first, but I’m excited to put this year behind me, and (SHOCKINGLY) a bit sad to see it go.

It was a year where the whole world completely stopped, we realized what is really important, what is really worth fighting for, and took a GODDAMN SECOND to just breathe.

For me personally, the year (which I’m counting off from November 1st) started out UNBELIEVABLY SHIT. I had just been kicked out of the country I called home for the last four years (thank you Brexit), I had ZERO job prospects, my depression was the WORST it had ever been, and I just didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. And in the beginning, the pandemic felt like salt in the wound, an extra kick in the teeth to my early twenties that had already “failed to launch.”

But I tried to embrace the madness, really take advantage of the world (that I always thought moved to fast) properly slowing down, and take time to try and become myself again. I wanted to figure out what I loved and try and become a bit more like the person I was before my depression got so bad.

I often say I became that Manic Trash Planet Lady™ you see in sci-fi adventure films; a bit zany to say the least, with a million ideas and a very eclectic fashion sense, but embracing the insanity as it comes...

*cough cough* audrey, get to the goddamn point!

Right. lol. THE POINT IS!

I’m not 100% “healed”, I’m not sure if I think depression is a “oh look you’re officially cured! hooray!” type of disease, but this year I let myself ENJOY SHIT for the first time in god knows how long. I still don’t know “wHaT i WaNt To dO WiTh mY LiFe”, but I’ve got a better idea and I’m heading in (what feels like) the right direction. And most of all, I can look back and say I am better than where I was a year ago.

So I wanted to say T H A N K Y O U to the mad lads on this website that introduced me to the fandoms, shows, movies, fics... THE SHIT that made me happy this year and were there to be one (BIG) piece in my healing journey.

AND SO, with out further rambling ADO! Here are the highlights of the year marked by my ridiculous hyper-fixations and OBSESSIONS. Thanks for putting up with me ya fiends, xoxox

November 2019 The Arcana (Visual Novel)

I had just gotten home and I was in a LOOOOOOW place. Randomly decided to download this app when it came up and it proceeded to ruin my life (and my bank account...) for pretty much the rest of the year. It was exactly what I needed to get me through a tough time and I was thoroughly, horse-blinders-up-to-the-rest-of-the-world, OBSESSED. These gorgeous magical fiends ruined me and all I could say was thank you.

Joined the fandom: November 2019 Obsession peaked: Late November Obsession faded: December 2019; I started a new job AND my bank statement came in and I realized I had accidentally spent over SIXTY BUCKS on this stupid app. No ragrets, but I definitely started to phase out at that point. Fandom friends: Velma, (@lanavxds on insta) miss you girlie xx Fanfics you NEED to read: ‘Second Mistake’ by DeathBelle on AO3, because DAAAAAYUM SON. Favourite moments: Basically the whole of the Julian arc. That gangly himbo OWNED my ass for a month.

December 2019 Hazbin Hotel (TV Series)

Y’ALL okay here me out. Am I proud of this one? No. Is the show crass as hell? OOOOOOOOHHHH YEAH. Did my angsty ass love it at the end of last year? DAMN STRAIGHT IT DID. Goes without saying, but this is NOT FOR EVERYBODY, but it definitely helped me along the way to becoming more comfortable with myself and being open about being the massive geek that I always was, and watching things I enjoy regardless of what people say about it.

Joined the fandom: December 2019 Obsession peaked: Shortly there after. Fandom friends: None. Dipped one toe in fandom discourse and then promptly YEETED the fuck outta there. Obsession faded: January 2019. Still curious to see the full series if A24 actually ever does produce the whole thing, but I have def moved away from it. Fanfics you NEED to read: Haven’t read any. Maybe I’m a pussy baby piece-o-shit, but I DID NOT want to go down that rabbit hole, NO MA’AM. Favourite moments:

Discovering the Hunicast podcast. These guys are a riot and Ashley is a flustered GEM. Even if you don’t watch the show, go watch an episode of these fucking LADS just dicking about and your day will get better.

Watching the first episode with my partner and watching him realize his girlfriend is a total freak.

January 2020 Lore Olympus (Webtoon Comic)

*Officially* discovered this one thanksgiving weekend in 2019, but my Arcana phase was still raging pretty strong at that point so I didn’t really get in to it until later. EVERYBODY AND THEIR MOTHER NEEDS TO READ IT. It has everything and handles the reality sexual assault and it’s aftermath EXTREMELY well.

Joined the fandom: Late November 2019 Obsession peaked: January 2020 Fandom friends: KELLEY. MA GIRL XOXOXO Obsession faded: June-ish 2020. I’m like 10 chapters behind now, but I still love this story so much. Fanfics you NEED to read: SO MANY ON MY ‘MARKED FOR LATER’ LIST AAAAAH. I have to get to that... NEW YEARS RESOLUTION lol Favourite moments: Having a drunk conversation on New Years Eve in 2019 with one of my oldest friends from high school about how much she loved it too. Helped me see how popular fandom and fandoms, are especially after feeling like I needed to hide my enthusiasm through high school and uni. (THAT WAS A MISTAKE BUT I’LL GET THERE IN A MINUTE).

February 2020 Versailles (TV Series)

SO FUCKING GAY Y’ALL. Oh my god everyone in this show is so gay. Even when they’re not they still are a little bit. AND BEST OF ALL!! it’s very historically accurate (except for the demon satanic nonsense in season 3, what was that???)

Joined the fandom: February 2020 Obsession peaked: Like??? The SECOND I finished episode one. Fandom friends: none... WHERE ARE ALL OF YOU??? Obsession faded: March 2020. It was a fast and passionate love affair, what can I say? Fanfics you NEED to read: IF YOU HAVE RECS, GIVE ‘EM TO MEEEEE. Favourite moments:

Showing the first episode to a friend of mine and the *ungodly GASP* that came out of her throat was... PRICELESS.

The ENTIRE throuple(???) relationship between the Chevalier, Philipe, and Palatine. PLATONIC/ ROMANTIC LOVE G O A L S.

March 2020 Yuri!!! On Ice (TV Series)

*deep breath* ...y’all knew this one was coming.

Was I ready for this show to ruin my fucking life? No. Am I so glad it happened??? FUCK YEAH.

NEVER IN MY LIFE have I fallen off the deep end so quickly with a fandom. HOLY SHIT. This blog didn’t have much of an “identity” before, but I you said that this is a Yuri On Ice blog now I wouldn’t even be mad (nor could I really defend myself to the contrary... bc??? like??? just go LOOK at my archive). Craziest thing is I watched the first two episodes like?? a solid TWO YEARS ago, but I didn’t continue watching because I was just not in the right head space for all the love and silliness and positivity.

I could do a whole separate post about how much this show and how this fandom has changed my life (DON’T TEMPT ME I JUST MIGHT). But I’ll stick with the highlights for now ;)

Joined the fandom: March 2020 Obsession peaked: Has it peaked?? Went straight up and it still going lol Fandom friends: Sandra, my mentor, my queen @aeriamamaduck, my fandom ride-or-die. Thank you for taking this internet bby under your wing. RACHEL @idancewiththefairies I TRAPPED YOU HERE. MUAHAHAHA xxx Obsession faded: ON GOING. CAN’T STOP, WON’T STOP. Fanfics you NEED to read: jfc, SO MANY.

‘Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches’ and ‘Of Bright Stars and Burning Hearts’ by Reiya @kazliin -- Rivals AU companion pieces. Longest fics I’ve ever read and JESUS CHRIST these two fucking SENT ME. Most popular YOI fics on AO3 for a REASON.

‘Tell Me Where Your Love Lies’ by @aeriamamaduck -- Royalty AU, trope-breaking ABO. Ah sweet, TMWYLL, how you’ve killed me over and over again. This BEAUTIFUL wip has SUCH amazing world-building idk where to start (Congrats on passing 50,000 hits!) EVERYONE GO READ IT.

‘Blackbird’ by sixpences -- WWII/Coldwar Spy Fic. I don’t have enough words to describe how amazing this is. It’s elevated to a higher plane beyond fanfic. Just go read it. Thank me later.

‘Zanka’ by rinsled05 @dreaming-fireflies -- The geisha fic that ruined me. *deep breath* AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH *gasp* I’m fine. lol I sooooo not ready for this fic. Holy hell, Aoyagi had my heart in his hands from the first chapter. “’Please’ [...] ‘Don’t give me hope.’“ FUUUUCK.

‘Echoes’ by Reiya @kazliin -- Future fic. First fic I cried at... BOI. I was NOT ready for this. Shouldn’t be surprised given the author, but MAN. “‘A love like that, a love like what they had together, it never leaves completely.’ Yuri spoke again, eyes still staring out onto the ice, lost in memory. ‘There are always echoes.’” JUST FUCK ME UP.

Favourite moments: Oh good lord, where do I begin??

Having two (count ‘em TWO) main characters with mental health issues (Yuuri and his anxiety and Victor with burn out and depression) and NOT MAKING IT THE ONLY ASPECT OF THEIR PERSONALITY. CLAPS FOR KUBO AND YAMAMOTO!!

Everything about Yurio (ESPECIALLY HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH YUUKO AND HIS GRANDPA), that tsundere motherfucker is too pure for this world.

THE KISS. THE PROPOSAL. MY HEART WASN’T READY. AAAAAH!!

This fandom *properly* introducing me to smut on AO3...

Thinking I was going to get Rachel to like the show... NOT being prepared for her to fall off the deep end and START LIKING REAL SKATING TOO!!

Staying up waaaaaay too late waaaaaay too often to plan out plot points for TMWYLL with Sandra. Love ya dearie.

The warm fuzzy feeling I get every time I think about Victor and Yuuri.

April 2020 Bungou Stray Dogs (TV Series)

I had a hunch I was gonna like this show considering ALL of the characters are based off of famous classic authors from around the world... what I was NOT prepared for was just HOW MUCH I was going to love it. HOLY SHIT. The art style? Love it. The plot?? Bonkers, but so fun. THE VOICE CAST??? AMAZING. Highly recommend to anyone who wants to get in to anime, great place to start.

Joined the fandom: April 2020 Obsession peaked: Probably this summer? But we have DEF plateaued in a VERY high place. Fandom friends: FIJI. MA BOIIIII @lil-1nsane Obsession faded: Hasn’t. Hope it doesn’t Fanfics you NEED to read: So so so many. The smut in this fandom is *chef’s kiss*, but here are a few...

‘He Works Hard For the Money’ by CataclysmicEvent @cataclysmicevent2019 -- Sugar Daddy AU. FUCK MAN. I was not expecting to like this one, but bloody hell. This fic grabbed me by the throat and WOULD NOT let me go. Praying for chapter 16! But the author is working on another STELLAR fic so I’m okay for now.

‘Everything or Nothing’ by CataclysmicEvent @cataclysmicevent2019 -- University AU. FUCK THIS FIC. Started reading it as I was waiting for HWHFTM to update and BOI, this fic ROCKS. The alternating POV fits so well with the enemies/idiots-to-lovers vibe. Solid 10 outta 10.

‘The City Where Wind Blows’ by @raven-rein -- Cancer Death fic. *pained shriek* AAAAAAGUUUUUUUHHHH *gasp* aaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, FUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKK MEEEEE. THIS FIC. Only the second fic I’ve ever cried to but I BAWLED MY GODDAMN EYES OUT. FUUUUUUUCK. I was not ready, never would have been ready. This is so tremendously well done, it killed me so beautifully,

‘Haunted by Hatred’ by DeathBelle -- Canon compliant Soukoku. It is a CRIME that DeathBelle doesn’t have more BSD fics on her page, but this one is still brilliant.

Favourite moments:

THE CHUUYA-DAZAI MAFIA REUNION TEAM UP WHEN THEY FIGHT LOVECRAFT. Ooof. BOI. We love it.

The first three episodes. Soooo many break neck plot twists.

Every insane hypothetical conversation with Fiji.

Every time Atsushi or Tanizaki is on screen bc I LOVE THESE LIL BEANS.

June 2020 Trash Taste (Podcast)

Goddamn I love these chaotic lads so much.

As I became more and more comfortable with myself and my love for anime I stumbled upon these three goons, -- Joey, Connor, and Garnt, -- best known for there SUPER successful (mostly) anime YouTube channels. Even if you don’t watch anime, WATCH/LISTEN TO THIS PODCAST. The focus is mostly on their lives and the overall expat/immigrant experience, with a bit of anecdotal anime references sprinkled in.

This show is both wholesome and heathenous in equal measure, and after having lived abroad for a significant portion of my (admittedly still quite short) life, it was such a breath of fresh air to hear people talk so openly about how living outside your home country is both wonderful and terrifying. They’re wonderfully candid about the fact that even if you love a place dearly, no where is perfect, and you WILL hate somethings about your new home even if the majority of the experience is fantastic. I cannot rate this show highly enough.

Joined the fandom: June 5th 2020, loved it from the first episode. Obsession peaked: July maybe? I was RELIGIOUS about watching the episodes as soon as they came out. Still watch every week, but less “on time.” Fandom friends: None :( but I have tricked my partner in to listening several times :) Obsession faded: It’s dimmed from where it was, but still going strong. Fanfics you NEED to read: NONE. NEVER PLAN TO. Hard and fast rule, I don’t read fics about real people. Characters played by real people, even that’s a maybe for me. But real-real people? FUCK NO. (some of my) Favourite moments:

Any time Garnt and Connor get into a big-brain-monkey-brain argument and Joey is just LOSING his GODDAMN MIND in the corner.

Bringing a retired Japanese porn star in the show for an honest conversation about consensual sex work and showing people can have more than one career in life.

Everything about the, ‘Are Online Friends Real Friends?’ episode. GO WATCH IT, it’s brilliant.

Garnt making “chotto-THE-FUCKING-matte” an expression

August 2020 Great Pretender (TV Series)

Spent most of the summer marinating in my BSD and YOI bubbles, until THIS BAD BOI came up on my Netflix recommendations. HOOOO BOI. This is some Anime Of The Year shit right here. Has a pretty original concept (Catch Me If You Can by way of Oceans 11-ish) but generally starts out like most other shounen (sans the super powers). AND THEN EPISODE FIVE HAPPENS. Not gonna spoil it but they TOOK THAT SHIT UP A NOTCH. Brilliant, even with a bit of an insane ending. GO WATCH THIS ONE.

Joined the fandom: August 2020 Obsession peaked: Pretty much as soon as I started watching it. Fandom friends: What’s up Fiji ;) @lil-1nsane Obsession faded: Naturally faded, but so glad I watched Fanfics you NEED to read: None so far! Little scared about this one, heard mixed reviews, but maybe someday. Favourite moments:

Edamame’s “madness arc” at the end of season 2. HOOOO BOY.

Laurent getting fucking WRECKED when Edamame punches him mid way through season 2, kills me every time.

Introducing my partner to anime with this show.

October 2020 Attack on Titan (TV Series)

RETURN OF THE KING. lol

In my quest to find an anime that I can watch with my partner, I turned on season 1 of this bad boi. Holy hell I forgot how much I loved this show, NO WONDER everyone lost their goddamn minds when this show first aired. I NEED to catch up before all the season four spoilers come to get me...

Joined the fandom: Winter 2016 Obsession peaked: Basically as soon as I started watching it. Fandom friends: None yet, but I know you’re out there... Obsession faded: 2017, JUST BEFORE SEASON TWO... I should have stuck around longer I know, but it’s slowly coming back. Reeeeeally need to catch up on seasons two, three, and four. Fanfics you NEED to read: GIVE ME YOUR RECS HEATHENS. Favourite moments:

Watching my partner FREAK OUT about Eren’s “death.”

EVERYTHING ABOUT POTATO GORL! lol

Getting in a conversation with a die hard fan after I hadn’t watched it in three years and saying... “Who’s that blond bitch that cries all the time?”/ “Armin?”/ “THAT’S THE ONE!”

November 2020... kind of. Figure Skating (Sport)

Okay this one is a bit hard to explain.

I have been a DIE HARD figure skating for A LOOOOOONG time. My grandmother got me a hat from the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City and I remember watching even then. But I first became consciously aware of different skaters, my faves, etc. from about 2010. I vividly remember watching Plushenko skating in 2014 while on a school trip to Hawaii, and my friends laughing at me as I yelled at the TV.

But I didn’t TRULY get involved in the fandom side of it until this year. I had all this knowledge bottled up, but didn’t have any skating friends to talk to... UNTIL NOW. Super ironic that this happened in a year with almost NO skating, but I’ll take what I can get ;) Also did I stay up until FOUR-GODDAMN-THIRTY IN THE MORNING a few nights ago to stream Japanese Nationals on my phone??? YOU BET I DID.

Joined the fandom: Three times; 2002, 2010, and 2020. Obsession peaked: 2014? 2018? Idk it peaks any time someone does something amazing. Fandom friends: Rachel, my girl @idancewiththefairies, WHY DIDN’T I INTRODUCE YOU TO THIS SOONER??? Obsession faded: Hasn’t. Won’t. lol Fanfics you NEED to read: NOPE. NONE. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. No fanfics about real people. Never gonna change that. (some of my) Favourite moments:

Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir doing THAT routine at the 2018 Olympics.

Rachel sheepishly admitting to me that Shoma may have replaced Yuzu as her favourite, and me being SO DAMN PROUD of her for growing and developing her own skating opinions apart from me.

Yuzu’s 2012 ‘Romeo and Juliet’ routine and Worlds. THE RAW FUCKING POWER OF THAT SKATE.

Plushenko, cheeky bastard, changing his 2014 Team Event routine AS IT WAS HAPPENING.

The worlds friendliest rivalry between Yuzu and Nathan.

Any thing the Shibutani’s do, and all they do to break up the stereotype that all of Ice Dancing has to be rOmAnTiC and SeNsUaL to be good.

Watching my early faves become coaches and the D R A M A.

Honorable Mentions:

Coco (Film): I watched this the weekend I came home and I owe this movie a lot. It is so sweet an heartwarming, and it a roundabout way it brought me back to Tumblr (needed somewhere to vent my feelings considering I watched the movie a solid THREE YEARS after it came out, Tumblr seemed like the place to go lol). Watched in again in 2020 and it’s just as amazing.

Jekyll and Hyde (All media): Loved this book from the first time I read it in my first year of uni. But in December 2019, my fandom understanding reached its PEAK. The musical?? The comic?? YOOOOOO.

Dear Evan Hansen (Musical): I have BARELY engaged in fandom discourse, but the MUSIC. She fucking SLAPS.

Sirius the Jaeger (TV Series): This show is such an underrated gem. It literally has so much; "dead” family drama? Eclectic international group of monster hunters? Cowboys and vampires?? Yes, yes, and YES. And the main character has the same Japanese voice actor as Atsushi from BSD!

Studio Ghilbi (Films): My love affair with Ghibli goes back to when I was about 5 and BEGGED my mom to take me to the library so we could rent Kiki’s Delivery Service on DVD. But that love has been FULLY rejuvenated this year when I went to the Ghibli Film Festival in New York City (ironically in the last week in February). If you haven’t seen them, go watch From Up On Poppy Hill, Whisper of the Heart, and The Wind Rises. Spoilers, you’re probably gonna cry.

If you’ve made it this far, THANK YOU FOR READING!

And thank you to all the amazing people that made my 2020 not so horrible. Good riddance 2020, don’t let the door hit you on the way out!

#2020 #mental health #appreciation post #figure skating #studio ghibli #coco #attack on titan #great pretender #bungou stray dogs #trash taste #versailles tv #yuri!!! on ice #the arcana game #hazbin hotel #anime #fandom

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malecsecretsanta · 3 years

Text

Merry Christmas, notquiteascrazy!

For @notquiteascrazy. I hope you'll enjoy it Lex, I tried to stick to your likes as much as I could!!! Merry Xmas, darling!

Read On AO3

*****

The air was thick with snow and the smell of roasted chestnuts and marshmallows, and Alec was staring out from the window of the subway that was taking him home.

He sighed in relief thinking about the fact that at least for the Christmas week, he had a job. At least he wouldn't be forced to stay home alone, drinking a beer and eating a microwave heated pizza, and thinking.

He couldn't go home, not this festivities, not after having left his family business shoving his car and house keys on his father’s desk, shouting that the price was too high for his mental health, seeing all his family's eyes widen in disbelief, because Alec had never said no to anything. Never a quarrel, never an argument, never a sign of disappointment. Anything.

He had endured through high school and university, studying something that made his stomach twitch in disgust still he brought home the best grades, the best results, the best graduation a parent could have ever asked for.

But working more than twelve hours per day for it? It soon became too much to bear.

After two years of sleepless nights, pills, too much coffee, and the beginning of panic attacks, he'd decided to quit and leave that horrible life he crazily had thought he could force himself into.

Sometimes he would say to himself that maybe he hadn't tried hard enough, that maybe if he'd resisted a couple of months more, it would have become a routine, but he was aware that that could have never happened.

Alec hated numbers with all his heart, since he was a kid and that really wouldn't do in his family. For centuries, the Lightwoods held a huge business accountant studio that worked with the most outstanding industries, firms of the country, and even some others abroad. He was the eldest, he was supposed to be the heir. But he wasn't. He'd never been, and he never would be.

Izzy, she was the right one. Strong, sharp, determined, assertive and good enough to bring the best out for the family business. She was, and Alec loved her so much. He loved her fierce steps along the corridor when she was angry at someone, the way her voice turned sharp and hard on the phone when she discovered something she didn't like, the way her decisions were quick and always right.

He, instead, had always loved crayons and pencils. He loved the feeling of wood between his fingers, the smell of paper whenever he bought a new sketchbook, the rustling sound of his sleeve or his arm when it slid on the paper, and the brush of the pencil lead as it traced lines that gave life to the images that filled his head.

He wanted to become an artist, to go to an art school and then to an academy of arts, but he never had the courage to ask, never dared to hope, Alec ended up letting the days flow by until it was too late.

So there he was now, living alone in a one-room apartment in the outskirts, shifting from one temporary job to another. Apparently, he was "too much" for every position he applied for.

Too qualified, too experienced, too well paid, too grown up, too tall, too clumsy, too smart, too handsome, too… everything.

Izzy and Jace promised him they would come to visit during the holidays, but Alec knew that his family’s Christmas celebrations were something that they couldn't escape from that easily, with relatives, colleagues and business partners coming from all over the place and staying there until the late hours.

He dropped off the subway and walked home, grabbing a kebab along the way.

He switched on the kettle and slumped on the small couch he opened to sleep in at night, covering his legs with a blanket, patiently waiting for the little electric stove to heat the small room, picking up his phone and texting his siblings he had found a job for the Christmas’ month.

He stood and grabbed the kettle, pouring the boiling water into a mug filled with tea leaves, letting the steam soothe his icy red nose and warm him up. He looked outside the small window at the snow silently falling on the buildings.

He opened the bed and threw himself on it, still clothed. He took his sketchbook and started drawing, staring at his hand gently swaying on it, until he fell asleep, his head dropped on one side of the pillow, his hand clutching the pencil, as the Christmas lights and decorations glimmered on his black locks.

Magnus strolled into his office, his eyes shadowed, his beard a little longer than usual, his tie hanging loose around his neck, as if he hadn't the time to fix it properly.

"Are you ok?" Raphael asked him, a worried look on his face.

"Yes. No. I'm definitely not. It's been the worst night I had in years. Max has thrown up six times to the point his face turned green and I spent the night on the phone with Cat trying to figure out how to stop it and making him drink small sips of water, so he wouldn’t be dehydrated. I'm... fuck , I need another coffee, Raphael," he stopped and crashed on the huge armchair behind his long desk.

Raphael went to the coffee pot and filled a cup, putting some cream in it.

"You could have taken the day off you know? You're the boss here. No one is checking if you come to work or not."

"Are you insane?" Magnus glared at him as he sipped his coffee, it's December, the mall is going to be full and I have to check everything and I … I…"

"You don't want to be alone, I know."

Magnus' expression turned sad and distant. He sighed deeply, staring into the void.

"Probably not," he added, "Anyway, let's get back to work, is everything fixed? The extra decorations, the elves, the little presents for the kids coming and...oh my god, Santa? Have you found him?"

Raphael nodded smiling.

"Your kind of guy to be honest, dark, tall and handsome."

"Ah, stop this Raphael. He's gonna be dressed in a Santa costume, a huge pillow on his belly and a white long beard. Also…you should know that Mr. no one has become my favourite kind of guy."

"If you say so," he smirked.

Magnus stood up and left the cup on his desk, waving his hands in the air, dismissing whatever Raphael wanted to argue back.

"Anyway, let's go and see the elves, I'm curious," and he opened the door, gesturing to Raphael to follow him.

Alec woke up earlier than usual, waiting like twenty minutes for the water to warm and finally shower.

He knotted the towel low on his waist, cursing the cold wind that crawled from underneath the gaps in the window’s frames and went to the sink, grabbing his razor to shave. He stared at his image in the mirror. Why was he even shaving? He was about to wear a long white beard for a week. He brushed his knuckles on his stubble and smiled. It looked good on him. His father never wanted him to grow a beard. He used to say it made him look scruffy and that wouldn't go over well with their clients and partners. But now, who cared anymore? He put the razor back in the drawer and went to the stove to make some coffee. He dressed up slowly, and ate some toast, while chatting with Jace.

The subway was full of people going to work, some of them dressed in their grey and black suits and he felt relieved; he didn't miss that life at all. He took his sketchbook from his backpack and started portraying their faces, the worried and the sad ones, the abandoned lover and the happy newly wedded one. All of them in their morning run to face the day.

The receptionist stopped him as soon as he entered.

"I'm Alec Lightwood, ehm, Santa Claus…"

"Oh, yes Mr. Lightwood, you're a little early, but since you are already here you can go to the locker room and change. Here's your costume."

She was staring at him, a goofy smile on her face. As he walked away he heard her murmur to the other lady next to her that it was a pity to cover all that glory with a Santa's costume.

He chuckled and took the elevator.

The pillow on his belly was soft but huge and it made him uncomfortably hot, and the faint beard itched a bit on his neck. He wore the heavy boots and realized he was already covered in sweat. It was going to be a very long month.

He entered the Children's Land and spotted the man who interviewed him last week. He was standing next to the most enchanting creature Alec had ever laid his eyes on. He stood frozen in the middle of the large hall of the toy shop, just staring, until Raphael noticed him.

"Oh, there you are! Magnus, he's our Santa Claus," he said and pulled Magnus from his wrist toward the tall red and white figure.

"Alec? Oh, can I call you Alec, right? This is Magnus, the real boss here."

Alec was glad to be disguised when Magnus fully turned to look at him. The man was strikingly beautiful, probably just a little older than he was.

He extended his hand and Magnus mirrored him, shaking it for a split second that to Alec seemed like an eternity.

"Strong grip," Magnus said smiling, "perfect for Santa. Also, your height is just perfect. Let me hear your voice, have you practiced lowering it a bit?"

Alec nodded and was about to let him hear his best Ho Ho Ho , when Magnus' phone rang.

"Cat? How is Max feeling? Better? Oh, thank god, he needed some good sleep. Any fever? No? That's good."

Alec knew he shouldn't have been listening, but he just couldn't help it.

Of course he was married. Of course he had a kid and a beautiful wife waiting for him at home.

He was jolted out of his thoughts when Raphael suddenly asked him to follow him toward the big wooden sleigh they had put on the right end corner of the shop.

"This will be your place. You will have a big jute sack behind where you’ll put the letters and a basket full of candies and lollipops for the kids after they have told you their wishes."

Alec listened and nodded.

"Can I make a little drawing for them? Just a sketch of their name or favourite hero?" he asked.

Raphael looked at him amused.

"You can draw?"

"Yes, I'll be quick, I promise."

"Of course you can Alec. It will be an amazing surprise for all of them."

Alec turned and saw Magnus talking to his kid on the phone. His face was soft and he was smiling as if the child could see him. His mind went back to an image of a younger Robert smiling at him. He felt a rush of longing for those days when he was exactly the son their parents had dreamed of. Responsible, always on track, confident, always in the right place at the right moment.

While they were happy, he was overwhelmed. The more they grew proud, the more he was ashamed of himself. The longer they seemed sure of who he was, the further he didn't even know where to begin.

He spun and found Raphael looking at him, brows up to his forehead.

Fuck! He realized he had been staring at what was technically his boss.

He scratched his fingers on the back of his neck trying to think about something good to say and justify his weird behaviour.

"Ahm… he's good with children...not many men are … ehm… it's kinda rare I mean…"

Raphael delighted in the embarrassment he glimpsed in the young man in front of him, and waited amused until Alec fell silent with a frustrated grunt.

Raphael took pity on him and finally laughed, wholeheartedly.

"Yeah, he is. They love him before he even starts to speak and he can convince them to do whatever he asks. They're kinda spellbound ."

"Yeah I know the feeling."

Alec’s cheeks reddened a bit and he closed his eyes cursing himself for talking without filters, realizing what comment had just left his mouth.

"I mean," he tried, "I know the feeling of being spellbound."

Raphael turned around a little smirking, “Yeah, he has this effect on everyone he meets."

Alec walked toward the sleigh, checked the basket filled with sweets and sat down, adjusting the pillow on his belly and stretching his legs. He knew they would be bent until late that afternoon. He was glad he hadn’t shaved that morning, otherwise, his pale and delicate skin would have been scratchy in the evening.

He took his sketchbook from his backpack and the crayons, the beautiful watercolour ones that he received on his last birthday from Izzy and Jace, and set them on his left side.

Raphael instructed a couple of photographers where to position the cameras and searched for Magnus again, leaving the last decision up to him. He was the best organizer but he really lacked any sense of aesthetics, which, instead, Magnus was overflowing with. The man was fixing the red berry and frosted pine cone garland on the railing of the stairs, fully concentrated on the task.

"Magnus? Have a look here," he said, "our Santa's sleigh is ready. Just waiting for your last touch.”

Magnus revolved toward the voice and stared for a moment at Alec and the setting, his gaze so intense that Alec felt the urge to divert his eyes. Magnus moved slowly toward the sleigh, bending near the footboards to fix the fake snowflakes and the pine branches.

His movements were slow and graceful, the back of his neck was flexing sinuously following the motion of his hands and fingers, and Alec couldn't keep from staring. His nails were painted in a dark green polish, matching the colour of the spikes in his faux hawk. He was elegant and extremely professional, but there was something sensual too in his overall outfit.

His eyes were stuck to Magnus' fingers that were now fixing the red velvet cloth and cushions on the sled.

"You like the color of the polish or my rings?" Magnus asked abruptly without turning his head and Alec rolled his eyes, because of course he wasn’t able to do anything without being noticed.

He didn't know what to say because, honestly, he liked them both, a lot.

Magnus must have realized his embarrassment because he resumed his talk without even looking at him.

"I picked the dark green this morning because it matches the beautiful colour of the pine needles and also because it matches perfectly with the burgundy red suit I am wearing. The rings...well, they are just a sort of second skin, I never remove them, not even when I sleep or shower."

Alec remained still and silent, lost in Magnus' voice.

"I don't bite, you know. You're allowed to answer or say something," Magnus added seriously, just before bursting into the softest laughter Alec had ever heard, "I'm just teasing you, I was joking."

Alec smiled behind the white soft beard, "Both, I like them both," he whispered.

Magnus stopped his movements and finally raised his head to look at him. He was kneeled on one leg, looking at those hazel big eyes standing out from the furry grey brows. They shined like two emerald gems.

Magnus then stood up and leaned toward Alec, grabbing his white fluffy collar and adjusting it around his neck, next his palms swept over his shoulders and tugged at the fabric a little, to make it adhere to Alec's shoulders. They were broad and straight. The last touch was reserved for his hat. He fixed the pom-pom and then his fingers curled up the mustaches above Alec's lips.

He cocked his head and took a moment to check what he had just done, "Now you're perfect, the perfect Santa. Raphael is the best at making real what I have in mind."

"Raphael knows so well what the boss likes," a voice replied.

"He's right," Magnus said to Alec smirking, "he knows me so well. Ok now. I know he already told you what this whole Santa's thing is about, but I will remind you anyway. Kids will queue here, you will take them on your lap and have a little chat, then ask them for a wish, pick up a candy, and offer them to take a picture with you. Remember the pictures are for free, it's just for the joy of the kids, and…"

"And while they are waiting for the print I will make them a little sketch."

Magnus frowned.

"Raphael told me I could. I'll be quick, I promise."

"You draw?" Magnus asked.

"Yes."

"As long as you don't make the people wait too long, I think it's a wonderful idea. Keep the last one for me, ok?"

Magnus turned to Raphael.

"Let the kids come. We're ready for the magic to happen."

Alec's first week flew by quicker than he had imagined. He enjoyed talking to the kids and smiled at the incredible, sweet, improbable desires they shared with him. He gave them the sweets and a quick sketch; an animal, a toy, a star, a word, something he made just for them.

Raphael was amazed by how quickly Alec actually sketched. The queue was flowing regularly and no clients complained about waiting too long. Their Santa smiled and laughed with the kids and he didn't seem to become annoyed or bored.

Alec always listened with the same attention, always gave the children space and time to talk, enjoyed their sense of wonder, comforted the sad ones, knew how to deal with tantrums and tears, and never missed to give an encouraging smile to the parents waiting.

In that week, he fell asleep happily after such a long time.

Working at the mall turned out to be very exciting and interesting. Alec had always been fond of people, even if he wasn't very talkative and extroverted. He mostly loved to observe them, the quick glances between the ones in love, the farewell and welcome embraces, the arguments and the tears, the gazes lost in nowhere, the grandparents holding the hands of the kids, and of course, the kisses.

In the days he spent there, especially at the times his shift started and finished, when the mall was emptying, he loved watching Magnus interact with his employees. He was struck by how different Magnus was from his father.

Magnus was always the first to arrive and the last one to leave, he always had a smile for everyone, he paid attention to all their needs, and always found the right words to say, supportive, encouraging, and caring. He brought coffee and sweets, he offered them lunch and then sat eating with them, laughing and having fun, and whenever he could, he would help them.

There was something in that man that had Alec yearning for his presence whenever he wasn’t around, that had him staring at him when Magnus wasn’t noticing, admiring him. He was beautiful inside and out.

"His wife must be so happy," he absentmindedly said to a cleaner one night as he was helping him pull up all the trash bags. Wei was the oldest one at the mall, and Alec had become his friend. He loved to listen to his stories and his memories, and got his fill of wisdom every day. Alec opened up to him like a father, sharing his personal life, his dreams and his sorrows. He remained with him long after his Santa’s duty was over, listened and helped along the way.

"Who?" said the man.

"Mr. Bane."

Wei stopped moving and cleaning, putting his mop on the floor, smiling at Alec.

"Magnus?"

Alec looked at the old man and smiled, hoisting up two other bags.

"Yes, Magnus."

The man looked back at him, pensively, and then talked.

"Magnus isn't married, and never has been. If you are referring to the fact that he has a child, I will tell you a story worthy of this time of the year. Tea first," and he went to the counter of the locker room and poured some in two cups, handing one to Alec.

"Three years ago, Anne, a young girl that worked at the bookstore, died unexpectedly in a car accident. She was the mother of a two-year-old boy, named Max. When Magnus heard that the social services were searching for a place for Max to stay for the night, he offered to take him home with him, and never left him since then. He applied for adoption, since he was the closest thing to family for that girl and her boy and since he was raised in foster care…"

The man looked at Alec, an unreadable expression on his face, something between awe and seriousness.

"I hope you'll have the chance to know him better, Alec. Magnus is one of the kindest souls that tread on this earth. He's caring, gentle, soft, selfless, he holds a special place in his heart for each of us. He knows all our histories, he never misses a birthday or an anniversary, he covers our shifts when we need a day off and no one can replace us. He's so incredible, that he's almost unreal."

He stood up and took the mop again, "I have noticed the way you look at him."

Alec swallowed, his cheeks getting crimson, "I… I don't…"

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, he doesn't deserve to be alone," and he bent to grab some empty bottles.

"Leave that to me," Alec said and was quickly on his knees to collect them.

"You're just as kind as he is," Wei said and threw some paper cups in the bin.

Alec remained with him, and they talked until Wei had finished cleaning.

"Your dad will understand sooner or later," he said putting his coat and scarf on.

"He might, but he'll never forgive me," Alec sighed.

"He will understand one day that there's nothing to forgive Alec, you don't have to apologize to anyone for giving voice to your true self, he will understand, believe me. Just give him time."

Alec nodded as they went outside and decided to take a walk. He looked up at the grey thick sky, thinking about Magnus.

He opened his drawing book and checked all the sketches and portraits he'd made of Magnus while he wasn't watching. It would have been really nice to know him better, but December was almost over and he did not even have the chance to present himself.

He exhaled. In another life, maybe.

On his part, Magnus realized he was always finding an excuse to go to the children's store. There was something in that Santa that drew him closer, even if he had never seen his face. The way he moved, his soft, tender voice, the way he got lost in his drawing, and the way he answered the kids. Raphael always made jokes about the fact that he should go to the locker room and have a closer look at the man, but Magnus always dismissed him with a wave of his hand.

As Christmas approached, Alec noticed that Magnus was often around and he never missed the chance to draw him on many different occasions.

“You should show him," he heard Raphael say behind his back as he peeked at the sketch Alec had just made of Magnus standing beside one of the Xmas trees of the mall, sipping from a coffee cup, absorbed in reading, his brows furrowed, his lips curled in concentration.

Alec suddenly felt a wave of embarrassment wash over him.

"Magnus loves beautiful things, and your portrait is amazing, you really should," Raphael stated as he walked away.

Alec closed his sketchbook when a loud thud tore him out of his thoughts. He rushed and found a crying kid on the floor, his knees up to his chin, a thin rivulet of blood on his wrist.

Alec knelt beside him, his voice soft and tender, "Hey, it's all right, I'm here. Can I have a look at your wrist?"

The boy raised his head and found Santa Claus kneeling beside him, asking him to have a look at his injury. He looked around confused, not really knowing what to do, until his eyes rested on another man standing behind his back.

"I'd let him if I were you, his touch might be magical."

Alec looked up and saw Magnus looking at him, gently nodding, encouraging him to go on. So he took the boy's hand and lifted his wrist to have a look at it; then he took out two small packages from his right pocket. He showed them to the kid.

"What's your name?" he asked softly.

"Tom," the boy whispered.

"Okay, Tom. Now I will wipe your wound and disinfect it, it won't burn or hurt, I promise. Then I am going to put a magical Santa patch on it, how does this sound? Will you pick up the drawing while I clean it?"

"Mr. Bane…" Alec started only to stop when Magnus stepped in.

"Magnus." Magnus corrected.

"Magnus can help you pick one, if that's all right?"

The boy smiled and nodded.

Alec passed the small box to Magnus and for a moment their eyes locked. Magnus smiled at him, wide and open, and his gaze softened as their fingers softly brushed, and Alec felt something cracking inside of him, like an egg breaking to let a new life peek through.

He made quick work of the little wound, covering it with a candy cane-shaped patch.

"Now,” he added, “since you have been really brave, why don’t you follow me to pick some candies out from my basket near the sleigh?"

"And I will go and search for your parents," Magnus added, "remain here with Santa."

Later that evening, he was putting his black coat on ready to go home when he heard someone coming.

"Who are you?" Magnus asked, looking surprised at the handsome man standing outside the locker room.

Alec turned and saw him, he seemed almost in a rush. He was about to answer, but he realized he couldn't breathe.

“You don’t look like a thief, so, care to tell me who you are?”

"I’m Santa. I mean, the guy dressed as Santa. My name is Alec," his voice came out barely a whisper.

"Pardon?" Magnus asked him, almost not believing he had heard well.

Alec swallowed as he felt those chocolate eyes scanning him from his feet to the last of his black locks.

Magnus blinked as his heart skipped a beat. Damn Raphael, he was right.

They both remained silent as the veil was raised, staring at each other as their hearts were fluttering.

Finally, Magnus extended his hand to him, "Actually I was searching just for you."

Alec grabbed his hand and squeezed it, his grip strong and certain, "Why?"

"I wanted to thank you for today. The way you acted with that boy…,"

"It was nothing...”

"You turned a bad event into an amazing one, one he will remember for all his life. Plus, you didn't have to, and you did anyway. This says a lot about the kind of person you are, and I never take such things for granted."

Alec was still holding his hand, stuck in a sort of trance. When he realized that, he retracted his palm, "I'm sorry, I need to go…, my sister is waiting for me outside…,"

Magnus nodded.

Alec adjusted the scarf around his neck and moved toward the exit.

"Ah, Alec? We are having a small Christmas party on the 24th, after the mall closes for the clients, why don't you come? It's an open party, we all bring families or partners…," he stopped, waiting for Alec to say something.

"I'd love to, yes, thank you. See you tomorrow," he left and headed to Izzy's car, his heart racing, his head a bit spinning.

Izzy needed just a glance to understand, "Are you ok?"

Alec looked at her and licked his lips, twice, "I don't really think so."

"What's wrong?"

He pressed his fingers at the corner of his eyes, exhaling, "Fuck, Izzy, I think I've fallen in love."

"And what's so terrible about it?"

Alec looked back at her, almost desperate, "He's the owner of the mall, beautiful and sexy as fuck, smart, and kind, and...what do I have to offer him?"

"Yourself, Alec. And believe me, it's not something you easily find around nowadays." She turned the engine on and drove him away.

After the last bowl of popcorn was over, Max was almost asleep against Magnus' chest.

"Dad?"

"Mm?"

"You were happy tonight when you came back from work, did something happen?"

Magnus kissed him on his head, gently, "Maybe, yes. I was thinking...We have a special Santa this year, do you want to come and make your wish?"

"You'd let me again?”

Magnus nodded and heard Max hum happily.

In that last week, Magnus found every excuse to be around Alec, and Alec always welcomed him with his bright eyes and his soft smile. The more Magnus stayed with him, the more he felt the desire to know him better. Magnus found himself thinking about which books Alec liked reading, what kind of movies did he watch, or what was the food he wanted to eat on a snowy night.

Magnus really wanted to invite him for a drink, but it was Christmas week and Max was at home with Cat the whole day, waiting for him to come home. That was what being a father was about. Putting Max first, every time, and Magnus knew not many would want a committed relationship with a lone parent.

Christmas Eve was really busy. Alec was searching for Magnus, but he never showed up. He wanted to see him one last time, since he’d decided not to show up to the party. He wanted to thank him for having made this month the best he had in years. All the customers had almost left when he spotted him at the end of the queue, holding a little boy in his arms, and chatting with him.

Max was the last kid of the day. Magnus knelt, putting him down and letting him walk toward Alec, to make his wish for this Christmas.

He knew that Max always asked for one thing, no matter if it was Christmas or if he was blowing his birthday candle, or watching a shooting star. All the others Santa had always given him silly answers, -- this is not a thing you can ask Santa, or this is a thing you should ask in your bedtime prayers, or Santa brings only toys-- , leaving Max always sad and deluded.

Why was he expecting Alec to give a different answer, he didn’t know.

As Max came closer, Alec opened his arms and pulled him up on his thighs, looking at him.

“And you are?”

“Max. Dad said you are a special Santa, so maybe you are the one who can finally help me with my wish?”

“I’ll do my best. What is it?”

"Can you bring my mum back?"

Alec felt like he had been slapped by a cold hand right on his face, as his eyes filled with tears.

He raised a hand and caressed Max’s cheek, staying silent as some seconds passed by, conscious of the other pair of eyes that were staring at him, aside from Max’s.

Alec thought carefully about the answer and then he started talking, “I wish I could, Max, but I can't. There are many things that happen in life that we can’t turn back or change, no matter how much we’d want or try to. Your mum has passed now and this means she can't come back, but there is something you can do about this. You can find her in the small things of your life, in the scents that remind you of her, in the melody she used to sing when she lulled you to sleep, in the words of a story she used to tell you at bedtime, in the way your smile probably looks like hers, and…,” he raised his gaze to look at Magnus who seemed visibly touched by his words, "... in the love your dad is giving you. In this way, it will be as if she never really left you. I know you miss her presence, her touch, and her voice, but if you close your eyes and search into your heart, you will find her there.”

Max looked intensely at the man in front of him, processing the words, serious and concentrated, then his face brightened in a sunny smile.

“Dad was right, you’re the best Santa I have ever met.” Max replied as he looked between his dad and Santa. He may not have his mom’s warm hugs anymore but Max did have his Dad’s embrace and bedtime stories. “Thank you Santa. I think you’re right.”

Alec let out a startled laugh as he held the candy basket out for Max, “Now, any other wish I can help you with?”

“Is there something you wish to have back and can’t, just like me?” Max finally asked, picking up a candy cane.

Alec inhaled a sharp breath, “Of course there is.”

Max smiled and looked up at Alec, “Then come and spend Christmas with us, so you can tell me.”

Alec cleared his throat, “Leave a plate with cookies and a mug of hot chocolate, and I’ll see what I can do, ok?”

Then he kissed Max on his head, picked his sketchbook and drew a big comet on it. Giving it to the kid he told him, “Never stop believing Max, the best things come to us when we less expect them. Merry Christmas.”

He stood up, tearing another sheet from it, walked toward Magnus who was still kneeling and staring at him, handing him the drawing, “This is for you.”

Magnus looked at his portrait on the paper. He wanted to say something, but voices and laughters were coming from the hall of the mall, signalling that the Christmas party was about to begin.

“Magnus, Max?” they heard Raphael call.

Alec stepped back, grabbed his pencils and went to change his clothes, leaving Magnus and Max there.

He felt his heart aching at the idea of leaving without a word, but he knew that going to the party would have only meant to feel even worse when he had to say goodbye. He dressed up and before leaving he put a drawing next to the locker of each of the persons he had met and worked with, in those days.

“So you’re not coming,” he heard Wei say.

He turned, his eyes were red with unshed tears, that he wasn’t ashamed to show. “It would only be worse later. I’m already lost. I don’t want this to be out in the open, and if I ever get in there, with him, with them, I won’t be able to disguise it. Thank you for being my friend and confidant while I was here,” he told Wei as he hugged him, “Watch over him and make sure he’ll give his heart to someone worthy. Say goodbye to everyone, it’s been an honour working here.”

He patted the man on his back one more time, and then made his way out, deciding to walk home and let the snowflakes wash away the tears that were streaming down his face.

At the party, Magnus was trying to get distracted, but his mind was fixed on Alec, on the way he answered Max, and on the way the boy had seemed to want Alec in their lives.

Maybe he was the right one.

He would have asked him out, if only the man would show up, but he didn't, and Magnus had lost his hopes.

He was standing next to the bar, drinking and staring into the void.

"Drinking to celebrate or to forget?" Wei asked him.

"Neither of these, just drinking and enjoying the two days of rest we have ahead of us."

The old man hummed and took a glass himself.

"It seemed you were searching and waiting for someone who didn't come," he said, “Alec went away."

Magnus frowned and then exhaled, his voice turning sharp and bitter, "Ah yes, I call it the lone parent effect. It never fails to strike."

Wei looked at him, savouring his cocktail. The man looked to be weighing something in his mind before he spoke.

"He went away because he has feelings, and feared that these weren't reciprocated."

Magnus put down his glass on the counter.

"Who told you?"

"He did, just before leaving. And that's not the only thing I know about him."

Magnus shook his head, smiling, feeling his heart expand.

"Sit here with me and let's have a talk, Magnus."

The morning sun hit Alec right in the eyes and he cursed himself for not closing the curtains enough last night when he’d come home. He remembered feeling sad and being a bit tipsy, after stopping along the way to have a couple of beers.

He wasn't really used to drinking, so he always ended up confused and hobbling, until there was a couch or a bed to fall into.

Alec got up and stretched his arms and legs, staring at the thick snow already covering the roofs, and still falling from the pearly grey sky.

Jace and Izzy were out of reach for a couple of days, trapped in all those pompous meetings his parents always held at their place.

He put the coffee pot on the stove and took a pan, opened the fridge and looked at the watch. Nine o'clock. It was going to be a very long day.

He toasted some bread and cooked two sunny side up eggs, and put the plate on the table. He was scrolling his phone while eating, chuckling at the secret pics his siblings were sending him, before taking the still fuming cup of coffee, and going back to the couch, opening a book.

After a while he went to take a shower and then warmed some other coffee before getting dressed.

That's when he heard the doorbell ring.

He quickly put on a thorn old sweater he used at home and a pair of loose sweatpants. It must have been the old lady on the first floor, she knew he was alone.

He opened the door, threading his hand through his already ruffled hair and lost all his capacity to think and speak when he saw Magnus and Max, hand in hand, standing on the threshold of his small apartment, on that Christmas morning.

He wanted to say something, but didn't know where to start from. Magnus was looking at him, a shy smile on his face, a doubtful look in his eyes, as if he was sorry for showing up without calling him first.

Luckily Max was there too.

"So your real name is Alec?" the boy asked him.

Alec looked at Magnus, asking for silent permission, before nodding back.

"Me and dad had a talk about Santa," Max giggled, "he says that mall Santas are only interns right now. Like high ranking elves! Now I know why no one could help me, but at least, your words were honest, and we are here for a reason," and he elbowed his father on his leg.

Magnus seemed lost for a moment, trying to find the right words, then looked at Alec and said, "We were wondering if you would come and spend these two Holiday days with us. Our home is big enough and we have a spare room."

Alec looked at him and shrugged, incredulous.

"I want you to come, Santa Alec, please."

"And you?" Alec asked Magnus.

"I would love to. I would love to know you better, if you'd let me."

Alec smiled and it felt as if the sun had ripped through the clouds, even if it was still snowing, "I would love that too."

Magnus winked at him, "So that's settled. We will wait for you in the car while…"

Alec grabbed his wrist, pulling him inside.

"I'm sorry I didn't invite you in, I was… distracted. If you both don't mind the small place, I have some warm coffee and I can make you a hot chocolate Max."

As they sat on the couch, Alec warmed the coffee and prepared the chocolate.

The radio was playing in the background -- It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas --, Alec looked at Magnus intensely as he handed him the cup, and maybe, from now on, life was really beginning to look a lot like something they had been waiting for, for a long time.

#notquiteascrazy #malecsanta20 #*fic20 #*gifts20

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danniburgh · 4 years

Text

meant to be

honestly just a way to cope, it's just a drabble I shared with my friends, no real structure or nice narrative, time skips are really my thing

March 17th, 2007

there's you: a 17 year old exchange student in Royal college in London, you have two friends and roommates, Ezra, who is french, and Jen, who is Irish, it's noon, the three of you are getting drunk in the dorm you share and Jen wants to do something for St Patrick's, because she's Irish and because she was forced to also celebrate things for your traditional patriotic festivities (you're not British or Irish), Ezra and you laugh it off but Jen convinces the two of you to sober up, grab your car and drive all the way from London to Liverpool to then grab a ferry to Dublin.

almost an entire day later you arrive and in your avid need of party and celebration (also booze) you go to a few bars, Jen assures you that nobody will ask for your id because it's national day of getting drunk and you binge drink for a while.

the three of you go to a little bar on the end of a little street and get weirded out because it had like six dudes siting on a table and nothing else, the dudes notice you and let you in and they make you sit with them and then you realize it's a birthday party, and the birthday boy is just sitting there like trying to hide, you do shots with them and Ezra tries to teach the birthday boy to drink whiskey until you stop him and to avoid Ezra near the guy you sit next to him, you start small talking because that's what you do when you're drunk and you two start speaking about music, movies, the weirdness of the new decade, your backgrounds, and the fact that there's a language you know but as you were very drunk you've forgotten, he wants to smoke outside and you go with him, not because you also smoke but because you like the company, you laugh outside at the guys on the street that are also drunk and then he asks you, very very stuttery to kiss you, you accept and you make out a bit, at this moment hours had passed and Jen realises you've been awake for a full day, so she tries to sober up a little and drag Ezra and you to the car so she can drive to her cousin's house where you're gonna stay until you can drive back to London. you had the chance to say goodbye to the birthday boy, one of his friends even took a picture, but when you were on your way from Liverpool to London you realized you didn't ask for his number, and neither gave him yours.

April, 2014

there's you again: driving your car in some road in London, where you stayed, because when you were 19 you wrote a teen adult novel that sold really well and people wanted more, so you became a writer and life passed by fast, you turn on the radio and there's this show you never listen on BBC radio but for a weird impulse you don't change stations, the host of the show is introducing this new artist who had come all the way from Dublin with a hit song and a debut album coming, you listen to the voice introducing itself and involuntarily smile, because it's soft and nice and it reminds you of something, you keep listening to the interview and then the host asks him for the most random and cool thing that has happened to him before his song became a chart favourite: the guy starts laughing a little and starts telling about his seventeenth birthday party, he told how his brother made him and his friends go to a bar in the middle of Dublin and how he wasn't really enjoying it until a random trio of teens crashed at it and started lifting up the party, he told how back then he thought they were just lost because it was st Patrick's day but how by the time they were gone he was thankful because he felt better about life. you were speechless, completely astonished and out of breath, you tried to reassure yourself because of much of a fucking coincidence would that be. so you parked the car on the side of the road and took your phone out, waited for the host of the show to give out the number and then dialed it. you felt completely crazy but it was because after all those years you never stopped thinking about that tall Irish kid with the wavy hair and the glasses and the nice voice and the beautiful eyes, you couldn't believe he was now some kind of amazing singer and the odds of you finding him were quite short, but you still dialed the number. somebody picked up and the first thing you said was: i was one of the three teens that crashed Hozier's seventeenth birthday party

your call never went on the air, but by some sort of luck, they kept you until the interview was done, the person on the phone first put you with the interviewer, he asked you some details about the thing and then Hozier wanted to speak to you, he said hi, and you said hi, then you both went silent for a minute.

–my name is Andrew

—I imagined a more Irish name –you said, he chuckled

—were you listening? –he asked

—yeah, I never listen to this show but idunno, something made me keep listening

—I'm glad –he responded, you smiled widely and then you said something you didn't know how else to say

—you wanna meet up?

and he said yes, the two of you arranged a meeting, something that you didn't want to call a date, but felt like it.

you went, he asked for it to be at his own hotels bar, mostly because he didn't had much time, you arrived quite early and got a table, a few minutes later he was there, you saw him: obviously older, a little bit taller, his hair was beautifully longer, his body skinnier, his eyes were still gorgeous but wiser, he said hi and his voice was even more soothing than the last time, he sat and you smiled, he was still shy.

you started talking as if you never stopped, at some point he pulled out his phone and showed you a photo, there was you and him in the middle, he hugging your seventeen year old self with one arms, Ezra talking with his brother in the background and Jen's hand on the edge, you laughed so hard at both of your face expressions and then he invited you to one of his gigs the next day, so you could listen to his music and spend a little more time with him, as he was then headed overseas to start a tour for a few months, you said yes, you completely wanted to spend time with him, you liked him, you really did.

before you two had to say goodbye again, he told you he wanted to be with you, he asked you for a kiss and then asked you for your number, he assured you this time the goodbye was just for a few months

December, 2014

—did you miss me? –you heard a voice behind you, you turned and saw him, a little tanned but still him, after months of only speaking to him over the phone, you had him again, at least for a couple of weeks.

that time you spent almost every second together, he introduced you to his parents and his dog and his close friends, he told you about him wanting to get a place of his own and you told him about your book, you felt right next to him, you felt completely right.

May, 2019

—happy anniversary –he said, handing you a little box, you smiled at him, made him bend over a little to kiss him and opened the box, it was a ring, you looked at him and he smiled at you, nervous, anxious, happy

—honestly, took you long enough –you said, he laughed and grabbed the box to put the ring on your finger

—not so long, only five years

April, 2020

you opened your eyes, you felt a little light headed, you sat on the bed and found it empty, for a moment you felt sad until you looked directly in front of your bed, there was your bride gown, it's finally your wedding, after almost another year of planing and after six years from the two of you encountering again, and after thirteen years of your first kiss, you were finally marrying the love of your life. and it felt completely right.

#hozier imagine #hozier fanfic #hozier tag #andrew hozier byrne #hozier #hozier post #hozier fandom #hozier x reader #im sorry #i had this idea for so long #thanks for coming to my ted talk

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chilling-seavey · 4 years

Text

Anything But Mine (d.s.) - Chapter Seventeen

A/N this chapter makes me miss winter and the fresh outdoor air :(

Sunday, December 8th, 2019

It snowed early that year, a thick blanket of snow covering the city parks over a single night. That morning, Florence bundled up Clementine in her new snowsuit to prepare for some winter adventures. It would be Clementine’s first time in the snow - last time it snowed she was too tiny to be able to enjoy it. Florence wasn’t going to throw her newborn in a snowbank.

Jack always talked about wanting to take Clementine into the snow so the second he woke up to white on his windowsill he called Florence to ask if she was coming over. It was just past noon when she headed for the subway. The city looked beautiful coated in fresh snow and Clementine looked around the sides of her stroller with a surprised expression of pure child-like wonder. Small breaths twirled up in steam from her mouth, only enticing her more with the winter air. The tree lined street looked like a winter wonderland, whites and greys filling the road as far as the eye could see. The old Victorian looked like it was fresh out of a Christmas storybook and Florence made her way up to the porch and rang the doorbell. Jack answered almost right away, curls tucked messily under a black beanie and a wide smile on his face.

Clementine peered up at him under the hem of her knitted hat that was falling over her eyes, and smiled widely, arms reaching forward, “‘ack!”

“Oh my God!” Jack and Florence gasped at the same time.

“She said my name!” Jack beamed, bending down in front of the little girl. “You melt my heart, my little orange!”

“Obsess over her when we get inside, it’s cold out here!” Florence whined, pushing past him into the house. Jack let her past but scooped up the baby in his arms, smiling at her tiny snowsuit covered body. She was so bundled up that her arms almost stuck out horizontally and the hood was up over her hat so she looked like a little round purple marshmallow.

Aidan was eating a bowl of cereal in the kitchen when they got inside.

“Aidan, check this out.” Jack beamed, carrying the marshmallow baby towards him. Florence watched with pride as her daughter showed off her new addition to her vocabulary to Aidan who quickly was overcome with lighthearted jealousy.

“She just likes me better.” Jack boasted, cradling Clementine to his chest.

The baby giggled, holding out a tiny index finger to poke his nose ring.

“No piercings for you until you’re 85, okay?” Jack sung, peppering kisses to the baby’s face.

“Funny how a baby can turn Jack so soft.” Aidan chuckled through a spoonful of cereal.

“I’m not soft.” Jack turned up his nose.

“‘ack!” Clementine screeched, tugging on a curl that had fallen out from under his hat.

“Ow,” he whispered, “okay, fuck, yeah, I’m so soft for this kid.” Jack mumbled, hugging her lovingly to his chest.

Florence smiled warmly at the sight. “When are we heading out?”

“Now! I can’t wait to chuck her in a huge pile of snow!” Jack jumped up and down, the baby bouncing in his arms. “I bought her a sled!”

“You what?!” Florence gaped.

“Look!” Jack scurried across the main floor of the house to the living room. Sure enough, a tiny wooden sled sat by the window. “Look, baby orange! A sled for you!”

Clementine, thinking that meant she was going to be put down, clung tighter around his neck.

“You didn’t have to do that for her.” Florence smiled from the kitchen.

“What else was I supposed to take my little orange out in today?” Jack cooed to the eleven month old in his arms.

“Soft.” Aidan sang, elongating the vowel. Jack flipped him off. Florence laughed lightly.

“We should head out before she overheats.” Florence said. Jack started pulling the sled across the wood floor to the door, shouting a cheerful goodbye to Aidan as they left.

With the sled on the snow-covered sidewalk, Jack bent down and sat the baby in it, standing up to smile proudly at her. Clementine blinked up at him. He took the reins and Florence adjusted the hat on her head before they started walking towards the park.

The grounds of the provincial parliament allowed for gorgeous gardens and walkways during the summer and when winter came around it was the perfect place to the make the most of the snow. Other groups of strangers had the same idea, spending the first full snow day at the park, many children running around the freezing parents’ legs. A group of teenagers were throwing snowballs at each other farther down the path. Jack spent their time running around with Clementine on the sled, her shrieking giggles making everyone around them smile. Even when he made a sharp turn and the baby went tumbling into a snow drift, it didn’t phase her in the slightest.

The group of three ended up starting to make a little snowman, the adults crouched down to not get their jeans wet as Clementine crawled around them through the few inches of snow. She used her mother to stand up, making Florence topple over and she climbed on top of her. Florence couldn’t be mad, though, it was all in good fun.

Walking back home with soaked through jeans wasn’t a fun experience and Jack offered her use of the dryer and a leant pair of sweatpants once they got back. Clementine was near asleep once they got back to the boys’ house and Florence carried her inside. Jack went to raid one of his friends’ closets for dry clothes (his things were too small for Florence’s tall figure) as she got the baby changed out of her snowsuit and into more comfy clothes to nap in. Even if she and Daniel weren’t speaking, the baby’s things were still at his house and she laid Clementine in the small playpen in the living room with her favourite stuffed animal and blanket. With the baby napping, Florence got changed into a pair of Aidan’s old high school sweats and set her jeans on a quick dryer setting before returning to the living room. Jack was finishing making hot chocolate and he made sure to add plenty of marshmallows before bringing the mugs to where she sat on the couch. Their cheeks were pink from the cold and they sat together and drank their warm drinks in silence.

Jack broke it first with a soft, “Daniel’s leaving for Vancouver in seven days.”

“He’s gonna be gone for a whole month?” Florence frowned, glancing over at him. The year before he went home for only two weeks for Christmas.

“Yeah.” Jack nodded.

“Oh.” Florence looked down at her mug. “Do you know when he’ll be back?”

“The 4th, I believe.”

“So he’ll be gone over Clementine’s first birthday. Nice.” Florence couldn’t mask the hurt in her voice.

“We’ll be here, though.” Jack tried to console her. “We’ll make sure it’s the best party to bring in 2020.”

“I don’t know what I did wrong.” Florence mumbled into her drink. “I don’t know why he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. He just completely cut me off.”

“He’s dealing with some things right now…things he needs time to work out.” Jack said slowly.

“And I can’t help him?”

“I don’t know.” Jack sighed. “Daniel’s a confusing guy.”

“You’d think he would still want to see Clementine on her first birthday after everything.”

As if on cue, Daniel walked through the front door, his music playing loudly through his headphones. Snow fell from his coat as he shrugged it off and kicked off his boots. Florence and Jack sat absolutely silent in the living room. Daniel glanced at them and then at the sleeping baby from his spot in the foyer before walking upstairs without a word. Florence’s heavy sigh expressed her feelings enough.

#daniel seavey #daniel seavey fanfic #daniel seavey imagines #jack avery #jack avery imagines #wdw #college!wdw #why dont we #why dont we fanfic #jonah marais #corbyn besson #zach herron #writing #anything but mine #why dont we imagines

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abundanceofsoph · 4 years

Text

SkyFire 1: Chapter 10

The AMAs: November 2013

Word count: 3k

SkyFire 1 MASTERLIST

>Instagram posts

It was a sunny day in late October and Rori was on her way home from classes at Columbia. Since she had no reason to be in a hurry, she had opted to walk home through Central Park, which would take about an hour instead of the 20 minute subway ride she usually took to reach Avengers Tower. She had her sunglasses on, headphones in and music blasting as she strolled through the park. As she walked, her music cut out to be replaced by her ring tone, and instead of pulling her phone from her pocket, she raised her hand glancing at the screen of her StarkWatch. Her managers face displayed on the small device and she quickly answered the call.

“Hey Mark,” she greeted, “What’s up?”

“I’ve figured out the perfect way to debut your first solo single,” the older man said in lieu of a greeting.

“I thought I’d just post a video on my channel?” Rori replied, hitching her bag further up her shoulder as she continued to walk through the park.

“And I thought I explained that we need to go bigger than a YouTube video for your first single,” he said, his tone exasperated.

“You did,” Rori sighed. “So, what am I doing instead?”

“You’re going to be performing at the AMAs next month.” “I’m what?” She gasped, lurching to a halt in the middle of the footpath in shock. “Holy Shit Mark!”

“I know!” Mark laughed, “How incredible is this?”

“It’s big,” Rori said. “It’s really big. Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Are you crazy? This is going to be incredible for your profile.”

“I don’t think my profile really needs any more of a boost at this point. Everyone and their dog seems to know who I am.” As if summoned by her words, Rori noticed a group of girls looking her way and attempting to take photos of her on their phones.

“But after the AMAs they’ll know you as Aurora Stark; Solo Artist, instead of Aurora Stark; Daughter of Tony Stark,” Mark explained. “You trust me, right?”

“Of course, I trust you Mark,” Rori promised, beginning to walk again, pressing her thumb firmly into the palm of her other hand nervously. “You wouldn’t be my manager if I didn’t trust you but I’m nervous. I’ve never performed without the guys and millions of people watch the AMAs. What if I screw up?”

“You won’t kid. The song is incredible and so are you. You’re going to kill this.”

“I hope you’re right,” she mumbled.

xXx

Shortly before she was due to step out on stage, Aurora was sitting in the hallway, hugging her knees to her chest, while resting her forehead against them. Her breathing was rapid, and she knew that if she unclenched her arms from their grip around her legs then her hands would be trembling uncontrollably.

“Aurora Stark, you’re on in 10,” a voice shouted and Rori felt her heartbeat accelerate in response. She was so caught up in her panic that at first, she was unaware that someone had sat down next to her on the floor.

“You alright love?” he asked.

“Just trying not to throw up on this ridiculously expensive gown,” Rori replied, not lifting her head.

“First performance?” he asked.

“First as a solo artist,” she replied, finally feeling her breathing begin to steady. The conversation with this stranger successfully snapping her out of her thought spiral and helping her to collect herself.

She took another deep breath before lifting her head and offering a small smile to her rescuer. Her smile froze on her face when she caught sight of the man next to her. “Hi, I’m Harry.”

“Aurora,” she whispered.

“Aurora Stark, right?” he asked. “I was pretty sure it was you, but it was hard to tell with your face buried in your dress.”

She nodded, thankful that her brain was still to busy freaking out about going on stage that it had no space left to freak out about Harry Styles sitting next to her and chatting to her like he wasn’t Harry Styles.

“I’m a big fan,” Harry added. “Love your channel and the song you wrote for your dad’s wedding was fantastic.”

“Thank you,” Aurora said. “Big fan of yours too.”

Harry blushed in response, waving a hand in front of him as if to physically brush off the compliment.

“I caught your performance earlier,” Rori said somewhat shyly. “You were great. I love Story of My Life.”

“Thanks love,” Harry replied, smiling warmly at her, before abruptly standing and offering his hand out to pull her to her feet. “Better get you ready to go,” he said as a voice called out, interrupting their conversation.

“Aurora Stark, 5 minutes.”

Rori ran her hands over the skirt of her golden floor-length gown, ensuring that she had not creased it while she had been curled up on the floor. Harry reached forward, pushing a loose strand of hair back into place.

“Ready?” he asked.

“I sure hope so,” she answered. She was gripping her hands together nervously, attempting to stop their shaking. “Got any advice for me?”

He surprised her by asking his own question instead of answering. “What’s your opening line?”

“Weatherman said it’s gonna snow,” she replied almost automatically.

Harry smiled widely. “Just remember that and you’ll be fine,” he promised.

She smiled back in response, before a tech arrived by her side and ushered her towards side of stage and she prepared to step out. Right before she stepped out, she looked back over her shoulder to find him still standing there watching her, a smile lit up his face and he gave her a confident thumbs up.

The stage was dark as she stepped out to stand before the microphone stand, a cellist and violinist sitting behind her over each shoulder, the final member of her backing band sat at a beautiful grand piano off to the right of stage. The lights lifted as the opening notes rang out and Aurora allowed herself a brief moment to look out across the crowd before she began the opening line. Harry’s advice proved to be correct; as soon as she made it through that first line the rest of the song poured out of her.

Weatherman said it's gonna snow By now I should be used to the cold Mid-February shouldn't be so scary It was only December I still remember The presents, the tree, you and me

But you went away How dare you? I miss you They say I'll be OK But I'm not going to ever get over you

She had spent the last 3 years writing, rewriting, practicing and perfecting this song and she knew it better than any other song she had ever performed before. It was the first song she had ever written, the one she had kept to herself for so long. It was so personal that it was only years after she had first composed the chorus that she had shared it with Mark, confessing that she had never even let the band hear it. It was this song that had convinced Mark, and in turn Aurora herself, that she should pursue a solo career. Aurora thought of her mother as she sang of her grief, the raw emotion evident to everyone listening, either in the audience in front of her or watching at home.

Living alone here in this place I think of you, and I'm not afraid Your favourite records make me feel better Cause you sing along with every song I know you didn't mean to give them to me

But you went away How dare you? I miss you They say I'll be OK But I'm not going to ever get over you

It really sinks in you know When I see it in stone

She took a deep breath, steeling herself emotionally for the final chorus. She dropped her voice, softly singing the next few lines before throwing her arms out wide and closing her eyes as she belted out the second to last line of the song.

Cause you went away How dare you? I miss you They say I'll be OK But I'm not going to ever get over you Ever get over you

She looked towards the ceiling as she uttered the final line, the tears she had felt building throughout the performances finally falling down her checks as the song came to a close and she was met by a loud applause from the hundreds of guests.

She made her way off the stage, wiping away her tears, and finding herself not as surprised as she should have been that Harry was standing almost exactly where she had left him.

“Told you, you’d be great,” he smiled as she approached him.

“Thank you,” Aurora replied, her matching smile lighting up her face.

“Now I’ve got to head back to my seat before the lads think I’ve done a runner, but please tell me you’ll be at the after party?”

“I wasn’t really planning on it,” Rori admitted. “I’m not 21 so I can’t really get in most places.”

“Neither am I love,” Harry said with a smirk, “and besides, they don’t really card you at these types of things. Especially not after you just smashed that song. I’d love a chance to chat with you. Please come?”

“OK,” Rori blushed, “I’ll be there.”

Harry’s smile grew bigger somehow in response, before leaving to find the rest of his band in the crowd and Aurora went in search of her dads.

She was ushered to her seat during the next commercial break and both Steve and Tony pulled her into crushing hugs, with matching grins of pride stretching across their faces.

“You were so incredible up there kid,” Tony said, pulling away from the hug as Rori settled into her seat. They enjoyed the remainder of the awards show and as they stood to leave at the end, Rori turned to face the two men.

“I got invited to the after party,” she told them, “and I promise I won’t drink, and I’ll be back to the hotel by a reasonable time.”

Steve laughed as she rushed through her promise. “Are you sure you’re her biological father Tony?” he joked.

“Sometimes I wonder,” Tony laughed in response. “Go have fun kiddo. You’ve earned it.”

Aurora looked between both of them in confusion. “You two are the weirdest parents ever,” she declared, to which they both just shrugged with another laugh.

xXx

Harry had been right that no one was carding the guests at the afterparty and Aurora easily glided into the venue, ordering a coke at the bar before finding a stool by a table over against the wall. She looked out across the dancefloor and the steadily growing crowd, sipping on her drink and starting to question why she had come. She was not a huge fan of parties, never having been the type to get invited to them in high school and although she had attended a couple of events at the Columbia sorority houses since classes had begun two months earlier, she hadn’t really enjoyed them. She didn’t drink and had never really been great at making friends easily even before she had to worry that people were only being friendly because of her parents. Before she could convince herself that it had been a mistake coming out, she spotted the One Direction boys arrive. She stayed on her stool for another 20 or so minutes before Harry spotted her through the crowd and made his way over to her side.

“You came!” he yelled, his trademark smile lighting up his face, forcing a matching grin across Rori’s

“I did,” she agreed, blushing as he leaned in to kiss her cheek.

“I’m glad. I was hoping we’d get a chance to talk,” he said, pulling up another stool next to hers. They chatted for almost an hour about anything and everything before the conversation returned to the awards ceremony earlier in the evening.

“I think in all the craziness I forgot to congratulate you,” Rori said. “Must feel pretty good to have won tonight.”

“Thank you, love,” Harry replied. “I think we all feel really grateful, you know, but I should be the one congratulating you. I mean it’s not often someone debuts their solo career on national tv.”

“It was my managers idea,” Rori said. “I just wanted to post a music video on my YouTube channel, but he said we needed to go all out.”

“Well then your manager is a genius. That song was incredible, and it deserved something big. Do you mind if I ask the story behind it?”

“I don’t know, it’s a long story I guess,” Rori said with a shrug.

“Well we’ve got all night,” Harry replied.

“And we’re going nowhere,” Rori mumbled, blushing as soon as the words left her mouth. Harry laughed loudly, clasping a hand to his chest as he lent backwards on his stool and for a brief moment, she worried that he would fall.

“You weren’t kidding about being a fan,” he finally said once his laughter had died down.

“Oh god,” Rori moaned, covering her face with her hands, her cheeks blazing with shame. “This is so embarrassing.”

“Don’t be embarrassed, love.” Harry reached forward pulling her hand from her face, not letting go as their joined hands rested in her lap. “I’m flattered.”

“In my defence,” she laughed. “I was a 15 year old British girl whose mum was obsessed with the X Factor, so I never really had a choice about becoming a fan. It was predetermined.”

“Well then I won’t hold it against you,” he promised. “At least tell me I was your favourite though.” The blush returned to her face in full force causing him to break into another tear-inducing bought of laughter. “Damn,” he sighed. “Who was it then?”

“I think I’d like to plead the fifth your honour,” she replied. “But if it makes you feel better, you were my mum’s favourite. She used to say you seemed like you’d be a wonderfully polite young man.”

“Well thank god someone in your family has taste,” he joked, causing Rori to slap his arm. “But we got distracted,” he added, “you were going to tell me about your song.”

“I started writing it like 3 years ago,” Rori explained. “Not long after my mum died, just the chorus at first and then over the years the verses have fallen into place and then I’ve been sitting on it for about a year. Nobody had ever heard it until I showed my manager a few months ago.”

“Why’d you never share it with your band or family or anyone?” Harry asked, leaning forward to grasp her hand once again.

“It was so personal,” Rori admitted. “I knew I could never let anyone else sing it and before Dad’s wedding I’d never sung any of my original songs myself. I’d only ever done covers and I think I was just a bit scared of it. But then once I decided to sing, I’ll Have You at the wedding and we decided to end the band, Mark and I started talking about what was next for me and I played it and a couple of other songs for him. The second he heard it he was so sure it had to be my debut and I trust his opinion, so I just had to go for it.”

“And you smashed it,” Harry said, squeezing her hand gently in his. “It really was incredible. The emotion and the power of that was just something else. I’m sure your mum would be really proud.”

“I’m just so glad I didn’t burst out sobbing halfway through,” Rori admitted, “Although I was crying by the end.”

Harry was interrupted from replying when Louis appeared at his shoulder, a pint in hand. “Oi Hazza!” he cheered loudly. “What are you doing hiding over here? You’re missing the party.”

“I’m talking to Aurora, Lou,” Harry explained, drawing his friend’s attention to the girl sitting next to him.

“Oh,” Louis replied. “Hi there.”

“Hi,” Rori echoed, “It’s nice to meet you Louis.”

“Oh, you too,” the shorter man replied. “Harry hasn’t shut up since he met you backstage earlier. He’s had a massive crush on you for ages.”

It was Harry’s turn to blush as Aurora burst out laughing. “Hey Lou, can you do me a favour and fuck off please?” Harry asked. Louis joined Aurora in her laughter, stumbling a little in his drunken state as he stepped forward to place his hand on her shoulder.

“Nah, but in all seriousness, he’s a great bloke,” Louis told her and before she could reply he was quickly distracted by someone passing by and he walked away without another word. Aurora was a little shocked and stared off after Louis as he disappeared into the crowd.

“I guess it’s my turn to be embarrassed now?” Harry asked timidly, pulling her attention back to him.

“Don’t be. I’m flattered,” she replied, echoing his previous statement and they slipped back into the easy conversation that had occupied the last hour or so.

Much later in the evening Aurora caught sight of the time, noting that it was well after midnight, although the party showed no signs of winding down. “It’s getting late,” she pointed out. “I should probably be heading back to my hotel before my parents start to worry.”

Harry’s face dropped a little in response to her words before quickly schooling his features. “Yeah, of course,” he replied. “It was really nice meeting you.”

“Do you maybe want to swap numbers?” Rori asked somewhat shyly, watching a genuine smile appear once again on Harry’s face as he pulled out his phone without hesitation. They swapped numbers and then Harry once again kissed her cheek before she headed towards the exit, already dialling Happy to come pick her up.

NEXT CHAPTER

OR CONTINUE READING ON AO3

#skyfire #skyfire fic #aurora stark #dad!tony #iron dad #step dad steve rogers #stony #stony fic #boyfriend harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #superfamily #harry styles #tony stark

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shiro-0197 · 3 years

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Omg that sounds so cute 😭😭😭 I do that sometimes too. Mostly little faces and hearts and the beats turn out horrific 😳 I'm glad you had the time to do so, love :D

awww thank you, I feel much better about it now. You're right, taking a rest is suitable. I was just so focused on other stuff I never got around to studying, but I will definitely do so next month 😅😚

oh I see!! Good luck with those, you're gonna do so amazingly well xx 💖💖💖 hmm they're not the same. So we start our school year in January, and we have a first quarter exam in march, then another midterm in June/July, then a second quarter exam in September, and our finals somewhere in November (and then we get a break from November to December, and resume on the 2nd of January), tho we have many week-long holidays in between, like after our midterms (two weeks) and after the quarter exams (one week each). That's before quarantine. Now, due to quarantine, we didn't have our finals because school was out, so the school postponed it to January, when school reopens xD it sucks because we didn't even have lessons for most of the topics which are supposed to come out, and self studying is rubbish, honestly. But I think I'll be okay if I put in the hours <3

awww 😭😭 that's okay maybe use a pillow to muffle it. Oh how I'd love to give you a headpat rn. I love headpats, do you like them too?

RIVER PHOENIX BESTEST BOY. I love his name so much too, ahdbsksj!! I mean... LOOK AT HIM?? PRECIOUS, BEAUTIFUL, ANGEL.

(He's not alive anymore tho... He passed away on Halloween's day 27 years ago. His story is such a sad one, actually. I have to hold back tears when u think about it)

I'm glad you liked them!! I don't share classical music recommendations with people, you're the special exception, but I'm so happy you like it. It's very soft and soothing, and river flows in you is my favourite thing to play on the piano 😣💖

KSBSKSHSKJ CUTE CUTE CUTE YOUR VIRTUAL DATE SOUNDS ADORABLE GOSH IM MELTING. 😭😭 Poor Kuro, I hope the store restocks some of that juice for him skdjsksk. It's nice that you have someone to spend time like that with. Life is so much more fun when you have someone with you to spend the boring days away. I'm so glad you have Kuro, the two of you sound so wonderful together.

ah yes!! Abigail made it. She's hoping to start a baked goods business in the future, so she practices a lot, and that's nice because whenever I go over the house smells really good. I loved seeing them all too. I nearly cried when I saw Hri (anime protagnist friend sjdjsks it's such a mouthful to type, so that's his nickname xD) because I'd missed him a lot, so I was really really happy. He sat on the floor and let me braid his hair and tie it up, since it's grown so long now!!

Really? I didn't know that but I'm so glad you think so. You make me so happy, I hope you know that.

AHHH yes I really did miss you more, bae 😭💖 didn't not think about you :) I'm glad, it's always so nice to rant with a best friend. I hope things with his family get better!! and oof 😭😭 I never knew that about phones, but it makes sense, extremes of temperature would definitely affect the battery life :( shame that it happened tho!!

I love you too, my wonderful Shiro. Thank you for existing, and always putting a smile on my face.

—miss i'll-braid-your-hair-someday-too-shiro 💖

Heheheh, yes, every time the sounds are like music composed from the cries of the sinful souls right from Hell. It's too fun to pass, though

I'm really glad, also thanks a lot!!!

Damn ... school system is so differnet everywhere. Even the school start, ours starts at first of September😭 It's usually 3 exams per term for each subject, and there are 4 terms. 2 of the exams are for the unit we had passed, and the 3rd exam is what I like to call the final exam, and its has questions of everything we had passed in the term. Or semester. idk how it's called anymore😩 I just know that they're not divided equally (one is two months, one is three, one is 3,5, the other one is 2,5 or something🤨) and it bothers me a lot. Could've done it a little more organized.... pain😞😞

Yeah, selfstudying is really hard... you just lose focus and it's difficult to understand something with all those weird words. For me, at least. With a study buddy i could at least brag that I'm ahead of them XDD I'm sure you can do it, though! Good luck<33

I like to give out headpats!! But, I guess, to have one from you would be lovely😭

Omg!!!! He looks so gorgeous??!? It's such a shame he died at such a young age:((( rest in peace, River Phoenix😖

Ohhh!! Am I, now? That's cute, I'm glad🥺 I'd love to listen to you playing it someday🥺

Hahah, I know right!! I've been thinking about how cute it sounded, tbh I wanted to draw that but really haven't been feeling up to it XD I'm also very happy to have him. It gets lonely around here :( I'm also very glad to have you! And your sweet messages. It's really a relief, knowing someone so wonderful cares about you. Makes me feel even more special, you know?

Ohh that sounds so good!! I wish her luck, I'm sure she'll succeed. That cookie looked gorgeous, bet it tasted great too😋😋 Also that's so sweet omg???? I'm glad you got to see him🥺🥺 and he let you braid his hair what a wonderful man😍🤭

You make me very happy too!!<33

You're making my heart dance rn wth😭😭💞 you're right, it's really nice to just ramble on about stuff with you♡♡ I really hope so as well, but I think it's really better to hope that they can move out. I wish I could help them fjnancially:(

Yeah phones are kinda annoying like that sometimes >:(( it sucks, but at least they do what they need to hehe

Thank you so much for everything, for everything you've told me, for everything you showed me and everything you wished me, you never fail to make my day better💕💕💞💓

#Ari💕#from your dear mr. i-cant-wait-till-you-braid-my-hair-😩😩😩

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homeforchristmas-au · 4 years

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Character bios/descriptions

Here’s some descriptions of the sides in this au cos i wanna talk about them like all day lol

Patton Sanders (formerly Shepard):

Age: 29

Pronouns: he/him

Height: 5’6”

Straight chestnut brown hair, chocolate brown eyes, hint of a tan but nothing too extreme, rectangular glasses with black frames, usually wears clothes that are comfortable (especially oversized jumpers), loves wearing beanies (often steals Logan’s, who hesitantly allows it) (mostly cos he’s really freaking cute in them)

Really good with kids (ofc) and is such a people person, but can get shy around older people (specifically men old enough to be his dad)

Very good at reading emotions and knowing what people need, whether it’s a hug or alone time

Has asthma, but it’s not nearly as bad as it used to be

Is an only child to a mother and father, but ended up running away cos his dad became really overly aggressive

His uncle on his mothers side is Emile, who is married to Thomas, and they both took Patton in once it became clear that emiles sister and her husband were unfit parents (although Patton’s mom was much better with Patton and actually helped him run away) which was when he had his last name changed to Sanders

He met Logan when he ran away and they both went to emile and Thomas’s house together (I actually wrote the story of how they met for 25 Days of Ficmas on my main blog uwu)

They started out as friends for a long time until Patton found himself falling for Logan, who revealed that he had been crushing on Patton for quite some time

Their relationship started out rocky as neither of them knew exactly how to date (theyd dated other people before, they were just remarkably bad at it) but they made it through in the end

Logan Sanders (formerly Adams):

Age: 28

Pronouns: he/him

Height: 5’11”

Curly, light brown hair, amber eyes, moderately fair skinned, a lot of freckles on his face and arms, round glasses with silver frames, dresses much differently depending on if he’s home or in public - at home he’ll wear T-shirts and casual lounge pants and beanies and stuff, but in public typically sticks with a polo shirt and jeans, sometimes with a necktie depending on the setting

Has a tendency to put up a cold exterior around strangers or when in a public setting, but around loved ones he’s much more relaxed and casual, but still usually struggles to express his feelings.

He’s an amazing father, although sometimes he doubts this despite how much his kids absolutely adore him (he also has a tendency to doubt his own intelligence, even though he’s incredibly smart)

Is autistic, on the high functioning end of the spectrum, and has worked with professionals for basically his whole life to work on reading social cues and such, which he’s much better at now

Has three younger sisters - from oldest to youngest, Ellen, Renae, and Ashley. Logan being the oldest sibling, he’s always felt quite protective of his sisters. Can and will physically fight the whole planet for them

Their father died when Logan was 16. He was completely distraught over this and ran away from home. It was the most reckless, impulsive thing he’d ever done, but he doesn’t regret it for a single second, because that was how he met the love of his life

He did end up going back home to his family, because he knew they needed him

Virgil Sanders:

Age: 4 (birthday December 19)

Pronouns: he/him

Height: idk however tall four year olds are

Floppy black hair, gunmetal blue eyes, about as pale as a vampire, always wearing something purple (most notably the light purple polo shirt Logan couldn’t resist getting him, as well as his dark purple jumper that’s a size too big)

He’s fairly shy, though Patton and Logan tend to avoid calling him as such (they typically say introverted), but once he warms up to new people he’s a delight (it took him quite some time to fully trust Janus, but even from day one it was clear they connected on some level). He adores insects and arachnids, and much to Patton’s dismay, his favourite is spiders. He wants to be an entomologist when he grows up, but he can never remember the word for it, so he says “bug scientist”

Is suspected to be autistic but has yet to be tested for it

He was adopted by Patton and Logan when he was an infant. His mother was sixteen years old and had to give the baby up, due to her parents insistence, plus she knew she was unfit anyway, and it didn’t help that the father completely abandoned her. Patton and Logan matched with her in the adoption process when she was three months pregnant and it was quite the journey from start to finish

Roman & Remus Sanders:

Age: 8 (birthday June 14)

Pronouns: both he/him

Height: uh average

Both fairly tanned having spent over half their childhood in the sunlight, Roman has short dark mahogany brown hair and forest green eyes, Remus has longer, curly dark mahogany brown hair with jade green eyes, they both have dark freckles, Roman’s mostly on his cheeks while Remus’s are basically all over his body, and Remus has a gap in his extremely crooked teeth as well as green braces. Roman has all manner of Disney apparel, but he especially loves wearing his white Mickey Mouse shirt with the long red sleeves, and he’s also unafraid to wear traditionally “feminine” clothes like dresses and skirts. Remus... prefers not wearing clothes at all honestly but Logan and Patton insist on it, so he tries to wear as few clothes as possible, usually his neon green tank top and dark brown cargo shorts

They’re very different from each other but they do have similarities and can work well together. They pretty much never admit it but they do love each other despite their differences and near constant bickering.

They’re both dramatic, but in somewhat different ways. Roman is dramatic in that way that’s like “I’m literally tinkerbell because you have to give me attention or I’ll die”, while Remus is more like “this little tiny thing inconvenienced me so I’m gonna overreact and formulate murder plans against whoever/whatever dare make my life unbearably difficult”. They’re also both very creative, but of course they have different views on creativity (I doubt I need to get into specifics). They also both love Disney, but roman is more into classic Disney while Remus prefers Pixar

They both seem to exhibit traits of ADHD but haven’t been tested for it yet

They were around three years old when their mom and dad both died in a car accident. It was two years after that that Patton and Logan decided to adopt them both, despite only planning on adopting one child. Virgil was a year old at this time, and they wanted an older kid, and they ended up with two. And really that was fine by them, they just knew that this was it; no more kids, at least for a little while

Janus REDACTED

Age: 15 (birthday February 3)

Pronouns: he/him/they/them

Height: 5’7”

Medium length light golden brown hair, two different coloured eyes (right - cognac, left - chartreuse), fair skinned with a red birthmark taking up most of the left side of his face, missing right leg where he had to get an above-the-knee amputation, which causes him to need forearm crutches, he usually wears clothes that cover as much of his body as possible, and he oftentimes - if not constantly - wears foundation and concealer to hide his birthmark, although Patton and Logan insist it’s not necessary

He tends to avoid people when possible, since he’s developed quite the trust issues over the years. Going from foster home to foster home has made it difficult to allow himself to get close with anyone. In spite of this, he always seems to find himself bonding with the kids in his foster families. Especially the Sanders family when they first took him in (their original plan was to simply foster him... that plan fell through as they very quickly decided they wanted him to be part of their family)

Overall they’re a sarcastic cynic with a knack for storytelling, and while they seem cold and reserved on the outside, completely uncaring about the world around them, really deep down they just want to feel loved by someone, they want to feel accepted and like they’re really part of a family, like they’re actually wanted

They developed a bit of trauma from their birth family situation but a lot of it has been worked out, although they still have issues to work through even after all this time

They were ten when their dad got blackout drunk, forced them and their mom into the car, and started driving. Janus still has no idea where he was trying to go, but they never made it. They got into a monumental car accident, and Janus was lucky they made it out alive, although it costed them their leg. Their mother died unfortunately and their father was on life support last they heard. They never found out if he woke up or if he was taken off of it, so they have no idea if their dad is dead or alive. They tell themself they don’t care, they don’t wanna know either way, but they do. They feel like they shouldn’t, since their dad hurt them and got their mom killed, but they did have fond memories of their dad, which made the entire situation that much worse

So yeah on the happiest of notes there’s the main fam-ILY!!! :,)

I might continue this post with descriptions of the entire extended family, who knows!!!! :D (let me know if I missed anything in the tags btw, although I reached the limit so oof if I did)

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neighbours-kid · 5 years

Text

November Isn't A Real Month

November is the Thursday of the year. Really. The only point of November is making me stressed. Honestly, what even happened this month? I don’t remember a thing.

Well—my instagram tells me the following. My Good Omens dvd arrived, which called for an immediate rewatch of the entire show and naturally all extra features. I still love this show and this story with all my heart and rewatching it has been an incredible pleasure. The extras are wonderful and the tour through the bookshop absolutely made me cry. What a beautiful place. If only it were real. I still haven’t seen all the episodes with commentary, only the first three, but I’ll get there.

Instagram also tells me that I’ve been to a Halloween party—yes, after the 31st. That was great fun too, got to make some people really uncomfortable every time they looked at me because of my white contacts. That was great!

I read Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale for university in basically two sittings. What a fantastic book. I’m gonna have to get my hands on the sequel that just came out too. I also read Hamlet, which resulted in me filling a note on my phone with quotes that could be used as Good Omens fanfic prompts.

I also got new glasses, moved my entire bookshelf from my bedroom into my living room and re-arranged the whole entire thing, finally bought frames for my art and put these up and thus now have a sort of Good Omens corner in my apartment.

I volunteered at a small convention here in the city which was, surprisingly, great fun and I am considering doing it again next year. I really enjoyed that a lot, which I didn’t really think I would. But it was a wonderful experience.

We also had are annual candle making event at our church again where I helped out the whole time while simultaneously trying to study for, oh shock horror, the upcoming exams this December. That didn’t entirely work as well as I planned. But the event was great as always, I even made some candles myself, which I haven’t really done in years.

As per usual, I also went and saw some movies! Last Christmas (great movie, never seen a romcom with a plot twist before), The Good Liar (went in only knowing Ian McKellen and Hellen Mirren would be in it, was blown away by it), and Hustlers (Jennifer Lopez’ back and arm muscles are still in my mind). On top of that, I obviously also watched a bunch of stuff at home, started with Christmas movies about halfway through the month, but otherwise mostly watched the new episodes of my TV shows. His Dark Materials is absolutely wonderful so far and I love having Lin-Manuel Miranda on my screen once a week. Prodigal Son continues to be fantastic, though we haven’t really seen Michael Sheen in a while and I miss him. Speaking of Michael, I toned down my binge watch through his filmography a bit for uni, and am only watching the show at this time. I’ll catch up with the rest of his stuff once my winter break starts. Riverdale is still absolutely ridiculous and bad and I have no idea why I’m still watching it (okay that’s not true, I am watching it for the Jones men and the Jones men only). I am also still on my stand-up comedy special trip and I think that’s gonna keep on for a while still. Laughing is good, y’all.

Oh yeah, I also finally finished Jodie Whitaker’s first season as the Doctor. I like her, I really do. But….she hasn’t really come into herself yet as the Doctor, I feel? The Doc doesn’t have any real depth yet. I don’t see the 1000yr old alien yet. And I just love it so much when the Doc’s a bit mad and a bit rude. I loved Peter Capaldi’s Doctor and he was so rude. She’s too nice for my taste. But I don’t know, I’ll definitely keep watching. I don’t wanna fall off the bandwagon again. Let’s see what the next season brings.

One other major thing I did this month, was read a fuck ton of Good Omens fanfiction. I found my absolute favourite writer and decided to reformat all his fics into nice booklets and get them printed to I can physically own them. One is done, a second one is nearly finished. His work is just incredibly stunning and the way he uses words is beyond anything I could ever hope to achieve. He’s a fucking poet.

So much for not remembering what happened this month. Well, okay, I did consult all my social medias and went through text messages to see what has happened.

But November is just….so weird. I don’t particularly like it, to be honest. Seasonal depression starts to really set in, the weather’s mostly shit, not nice weather but also not snow, just always grey and dreary, lot of rain too. I wake up while it’s still dark, I get home when it’s already dark again. Exam stress is coming up but not strong enough for me to actually really do anything about it until it’s December when it’s nearly too late? Just, a really fucking odd month.

Huh.

But, only one more month to go, and then it’s fucking 2020. I can’t really wrap my head around it quite yet. Another decade over, just like that. It’s insane. But I’ll talk about that at the end of it all. Not just now.

See y’all in a few.

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whats-the-story-tc · 4 years

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3rd of May, 2019

"The One with the Graduation"

I promised, and I shall deliver. Here we go.

There's this tradition in my school when it comes to graduating classes, both middle and high school. It's a way of saying goodbye to the building, they say. Then they go to the actual ceremony. It's usually a bit of fun, there's music playing, you can't see shit from all the flowers and balloons and whatnot...

Anyway. So there's always rehearsal a day before and I always take photos of the chaos to commemorate it. For example, the one from 2016 is the first occasion I ever caught V on camera, even though it was accidental. Though now I'm starting to believe it less and less. Guess this habit of mine's a no-go this year, but... it was the same last year. I actually wasn't at school that day, what with my anxiety acting up, and stayed home to watch a film for Media class with A. (Remember her? If you don't, scroll back to the start, to my December posts.)

I probably mentioned it before that V was the homeroom teacher of one of the graduating classes last year, and thus, took part in this tradition. Me and my friend were standing at the end of the corridor, full-blown formal uniform and all. I got very excited, knowing she was gonna walk by, especially because I didn't meet her the previous day.

I told myself to smile like I'm not a complete idiot, but as soon as she stepped into the picture, it didn't work. SHE STARTED IT THOUGH, IT'S HER FAULT. I mean, she looked straight at me when she saw me, like she noticed I was missing from that spot yesterday, and raised an eyebrow. I couldn't help but burst into a wide grin, and knowing my luck I probably blushed, too. I remember I tried to communicate that I'm proud of her with that look, though I don't exactly know why anymore. Seeing that, V gave me that signature smirk of hers, as if to say 'What are you smiling at, kid?' It probably only lasted a few seconds, but in that moment, it was as if the world had suddenly stopped existing around us. No music, no people, no graduation. Just V and I, similar faces, similar souls, connecting for the briefest of moments. But what a moment it was.

"All [she's] gonna achieve with this is that I won't dare to speak in her class" I told my friend over text. Oh, how times change...

So, yeah. We've been blessed to have had many, more eventful moments together, and I hope we will continue to have many more, but... I think you guys understand why this is my favourite one. There's this woman I was intimidated by, this woman I never knew for sure if I'd get along with until she waltzed into my life, and in only seven months (at that point where this happened), we got close enough to understand each other just by a single look. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Not ever.

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

#tc #tcc #teacher crush community #female tc #female teacher crush

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mashtonasfuck · 5 years

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I was at work when Ash posted this, and came out of work to see the notif and then proceeded to sit in my car sobbing for 20 minutes. This man, and this band are my lifeline. I’ve never told y’all my story about how I found 5 Seconds of Summer, but now seems like a good time. I’ll put it under the cut so it doesn’t clog up your dash.

I found Luke around the 14th of March 2011. I was 14. He’d posted his cover of ‘Fireflies’ by Ron Pope a few days before, and there was just something about it that I couldn’t get out of my head. At the time I didn’t think much of it (this was pre-youtube account) and I kept checking back every now and then to see if he posted anything else. In April of that same year, Mike and Cal uploaded a video introducing them as a three piece under the name of ‘5 Seconds of Summer’ - they did a few more covers, most of the time with only two of them lmao, and I kept checking back to see what they were posting. Ash joined them in December 2011 and they became a four piece.

When they uploaded the video for ‘Teenage Dirtbag’, I knew that I wanted to keep watching their content as there was just something I still couldn’t shake. The energy with the four of them had shifted somehow from just being the three of them, and it kept me interested.

They toured a lil bit of Aus in 2012, and I spent my days on Youtube watching shitty videos of them playing songs they’d written themselves rather than covers. They then revealed that they were releasing an EP later in the year. They dropped ‘Unplugged’ in June 2012 in Aus and NZ and I remember being super sad that I couldn’t buy it in the UK yet. It was released WW in December 2012, and you bet your ass I bought an iTunes voucher so I could buy it (remember iTunes vouchers?? Those were the days, RIP iTunes). They moved to London at the end of that year. I remember seeing a video someone uploaded of them doing an impromptu session playing in a park in London and being so sad that I wasn’t there to see them. They did some small intimate shows in the UK while they were over here, but I never got to go to any of them.

In early 2013 they started touring with 1D, but again I never got to see them. I LIVED for the shitty videos people were posting on Youtube of their performances, and I was desperate to see this band I’d become so obsessed with following.

On the 24th of February 2014, they uploaded the video for ‘She Looks So Perfect’ on Youtube. It was at this point that my friends at school became aware of them and started following them, despite me telling them for years that this band were awesome (teenagers, am I right?). On the 27th of June 2014, they released ‘5 Seconds Of Summer’ out into the world. I was 17 years old.

At 17, I was struggling with A LOT. My grandad was very ill, my friends turned out to not be my friends, and it’s probably one of the loneliest periods I’ve ever had in my life. I’d experienced what I thought was heartbreak, and their self-titled album was everything I needed at that time in my life. I finally saw them on the 5th of June 2015. I got to spend two hours in a room with my four favourite people in the whole world. I have a video of them playing ‘Everything I Didn’t Say’, and all you can hear is me sobbing in the background lmao.

Walking out of that venue, I knew my life would never be the same.

I was pretty active on social media at this point, as were the boys, and seeing the stupid things they got up to on Keek and Twitter genuinely made my days so much brighter.

As we all know, ‘Sounds Good Feels Good’ was released on the 23rd of October 2015. I was 18, my parents had just split up, my grandad had died and I felt like the whole world was out to get me. I fell into a period of intense depression and did some things I’m not proud of, and I honestly didn’t see a way out. Then SGFG came along. That is the album that quite literally saved my life. Listening to the four people I admired most in the whole world singing lyrics about things I was going through, being the same age as me, was totally overwhelming. I don’t remember my first listen through of that album - what I do remember is the way that it changed my whole world view.

They understood exactly how I felt, down to the last detail. To this day I have to leave Broken Home and Invisible off of playlists because they jolt me back to a time in my life that I don’t ever want to experience again. That whole album was my saving grace for a long time. I’m eternally grateful to them for releasing it when they did, as I’m gonna be straight up and say that I might not have been sat here typing this today.

I went to their show for the SLFL tour on the 8th of April 2016. I spent most of that night crying my eyes out and getting weird looks from the people around me, but I didn’t care. This was my band, and they were playing the songs that literally saved me. The SGFG era was emotionally draining for me for a long time, and it took me a while to be able to listen to most of the album again as it just felt so raw.

When they took time off to rejuvenate themselves before album three, I was worried. For the last 6 years this band had been what kept me waking up each morning. The lack of content was freaking me out and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. My mental health was on its way down again and I found myself going back to old patterns.

At this point, I’d been in a relationship for almost three years, was engaged, and was living with my then SO. I thought everything was perfect, I had the life that I wanted with a man that I thought I’d be with forever.

In February 2018 they released ‘Want You Back’, and I loved it, but didn’t have the connection with it like I did with SGFG. I missed out on tickets for the 5SOS III Tour (and may have cried about it, but it’s fine), but bought tickets for the Meet You There Tour before they even released the album. This was my band, of course I was going to see them.

When ‘Youngblood’ dropped, I had a day off from work. I set my stereo system up, and lay on my living room floor with the speakers around me in a circle. I wanted to feel the new album, not just listen to it (weird, I know). Want You Back and Youngblood were fine, but then we hit Lie To Me.

‘I know that you don’t, but if I ask you if you love me, won’t you lie, lie, lie, lie, lie to me?’

I genuinely felt all of the breath I had in my lungs, vacate. I’m gonna be straight and say that I hadn’t been happy in my relationship for a while despite what I said above - my partner was emotionally abusive, and the warning signs were clear, I just didn’t want to see them. That one line haunted me every time Luke sang it, but I let it play through and moved through the rest of the album. When it finished, I let it play through again. I let those lyrics flow through me, and by the time it got round to Lie To Me again, I was sobbing. Once again, these boys knew exactly what I needed to hear, at the exact time in my life that I needed to hear it. It took me seeing them again in November of last year to make a change in my life.

If you’ve been around for a little while, you’ll know that I’ve shared my Meet You There Tour story before, but if you haven’t read it, you can find it here. I stood at the back of the O2 Academy in Birmingham, a year ago tomorrow (1st of Nov) and cried. Listening to my boys sing those songs in person absolutely broke me, and made me realise that I wasn’t happy in my relationship. I left that show heartbroken, and overwhelmed, and honestly exhausted, but I drove back home and spent the next two months trying to fix the relationship I was so unhappy in.

I thought I’d made progress, but after Christmas of last year, everything fell back into old patterns and enough was enough. Watching my ex-partner walk out of the front door was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I’d taken the plunge, but I was broken. I moved back in with my mum in January of this year, which has been incredibly stressful (that’s another story lmao), but the one thing that has kept me going is these four boys.

Ashton is always the one that I feel the most connected with - I don’t know if it’s because he’s the oldest and people usually think I’m a lot older than I am, but his life philosophy and his attitude towards the things which make him a better person, inspire me every day. Whenever I’m having a shitty day, he always seems to put out a Tweet which says exactly what I need to hear. His love for us keeps me going every day, and I strive to be even half the person that he is. He does so much for us, and I thank God every single day he biked halfway across Sydney to attend that first band practice as a four-piece.

Their music makes me feel a lot less lonely, in a world that hasn’t always been the kindest to me. Because of them, I’ve met some of the coolest people on the planet through this godforsaken website, and the existence of these people in my life makes me excited to wake up each day.

This Tweet from Ash tonight reminded me exactly why I stayed with this band way back in 2011. Their passion for their art inspires me every single day and I am constantly in awe of the way they continue to push themselves and their performance.

I am not the same person I was at the start of the year. ‘Youngblood’ has helped me reinvent myself into the person I’ve always wanted to be. I’m so much stronger than I ever thought possible, and I’ve only realised that because of four dorks from Sydney that told me it’s okay to be whoever you want to be.

I will forever be grateful for their music, their passion, and their presence on this Earth. I’ve never stuck with any artist as long as I’ve stuck with this band, and I would not change that for the world.

Thank you 5SOS, for always being there for me, even if no one else was. I love you guys.

#personal #wow #that ended up being a lot longer than I was planning #if you read all of that #I'm impressed #thank you #tw: sucide #tw: depression #tw: self harm #cashtonasfuck

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