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achliegh · 3 years

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Golden

Yeehaw Leo… it's all because this song came on one day (I don’t even really listen to country anymore so it really is fate). Leo is based off that song, each chapter is going to be based off a yeehaw song too.

Characters belong to @lumosinlove

Beta: @the-most-slytherin-hufflepuff & @punkkkkboi

TW/CW: Smut, terrible yeehaw sayings and jokes, injuries, mentions of past death/suicide, minor character death, underage drinking, mentions of past arrests, cringe

Chapter Songs (listening in order is recommended):

Chapter 17:

The plane landed, Finn was the first to turn his phone off airplane mode and suddenly it was blowing up, twitter, Instagram, snapchat, tiktok, even Facebook for chrissakes. He was getting messages from family, friends and even the team. He put his phone on silent when he started getting annoyed glances from other passengers.

Logan was next, not as many notifications but still a lot. Leo had a few but none of them had to do with Finn and Logan. Finn was scrolling furiously through his notifications, getting more and more nervous as he kept scrolling. Then he saw the first twitter notification.

Hacked.

His eyes widened and his heart was pounding, Logan was the person in the middle this time, he grips Logan’s arm tight. Logan looks over to him a bit groggy and confused. Finn is in complete panic. Logan raises an eyebrow asking what's wrong. Finn just shakes his head and shoves his phone in his pocket.

They get off the plane and everything is normal, getting their bags and walking towards the closest exit Finn stops walking, causing Noelle to run into the back of him. They all look outside and notice all the media waiting.

What was going on…

“Noelle, Leo can you guys go out a different door and take a taxi to meet us at the apartment? Call Sirius while you’re on the way.”

“Finn what's going on?” Leo is staring outside for a moment before he meets Finn’s eyes.

“Please just do what I ask, I’ll explain more if you don’t hear anything on the way.” Leo and Noelle share a look and then nod, walking towards the exit that is two doors away, Noelle calling a taxi while Leo calls Sirius.

“Finn?” Logan takes his hand, running his thumb over the freckled man’s knuckles. He is looking at the media and they seem to have noticed them, taking pictures through the glass. The flashes put a spot in his eyes when he blinks. Finn has his jaw set in a way that Logan rarely sees, he is angry. Something isn’t right.

“Keep a hand on me, you know how terrible the press can be.” Finn grips his hand tighter as they walk towards the doors with all the press, hoping Noelle and Leo got out safe. The door opens and the mingled words of shouting reporters who Finn knows are just trying to do their job but it's an annoying job.

“LOGAN! Does Finn know you’ve been cheating on him” A female reporter yelled out from the middle of the pack. Logan snaps his head around and is about to answer before Finn drags him forward.

“Finn, do you know the man in the video!?” A male reporter shouted at them and kept asking more and more questions until Finn couldn’t take it anymore he turned around. The shouting, the flashes, the microphones in his face, it was all too much. He was overwhelmed and shutting down.

“Fuck off!” Before turning back around and walking into the first floor of the parking garage, some of the reporters with just pad and pens followed them through the barriers. He ignores them as he unlocks the vehicle. Logan and Finn toss their bags in before they get in themselves.

“Let me see your phone.” Logan is so thankful for the tinted window in this car. Finn hands him his phone and it already has Logan’s face ID so he unlocks the phone and starts looking through everything on Finn’s twitter that was posted. There was everything from Finn’s own nudes to Logan’s. He felt sick to his stomach as he scrolled, then he saw it.

“They posted the video… The video of me and Leo in the mirror. I didn’t know you saved that on your phone, I thought it was just snapchat.”

“They hacked everything of mine, Lo, Baby… I’m so sorry.” Logan hears the crack in Finn’s voice and just places his hand over Finn’s on the console between them. It was a silent drive home.

When Noelle and Leo reached the apartment the press was outside, luckily they couldn't get into the parking garage or the actual building. They make their way inside and see most of the team already waiting by the door.

“What’s going on?” Leo asks Sirius as he unlocks the door and lets everyone in. James turns on the news but nothing is on but the weather right now, Lily and Celeste are there and go to the kitchen with food they already made. Leo was getting more and more confused.

“Finn was hacked, every account of his on social media has posted pictures of him and Logan but there is one video and we know it’s you.” Sirius watches as Leo’s face pales immediately. “No one else knows though, they are trying to call Logan a cheater and Finn a cuck but no one can figure out who you are.”

“What’s the video?” Leo closes the door behind everyone and moves him and Noelle's bags to line the wall so people don’t trip, he’d move them into his room later.

“A video of you and Logan in a mirror, it’s dark and you don’t show either of your faces but people are going wild for it. It was released on twitter first… then everywhere else.” Leo nods and politely excuses himself to the kitchen to help with whatever because that is his safe space.

A half hour later Logan and Finn stumble in the apartment. Finn says nothing as he walks over to Sirius and just starts apologizing for how he has ruined the team's reputation, while Logan takes a slow seat next to Dumo who doesn’t hesitate to pull him into a supportive hug.

“It’s going to be okay.” Dumo mumbles into Logan’s hair rubbing his hand up and down his back as Logan sniffles. “This could have happened to any of us. Hell, it already happened to Remus and Sirius.”

“Not in the same way.” Logan’s voice is muffled in Dumo’s chest and the older man just holds him tighter. “Maman and Papa are going to kill me…” Logan hands his phone to Dumo and it's already unlocked, messages from his parents are on screen. He takes Logan’s phone and holds it up to where he can see it better. Messages just saying horrible things about Logan and Leo for some reason.

“Logan-”

“Shush! Laisse-moi tranquille!” Dumo sighs and closes Logan’s phone, putting it far away from them on the coffee table as he just holds his son.

“Finn, you did nothing wrong! Stop apologizing!” Sirius pulls Finn into a tight hug and Finn tries to pull out of it but Sirius is much stronger. Holding him there while angry tears threaten to fall from Finn’s eyes. Once he melts into Sirius’ hold he starts talking.

“I just ruined my boys' lives…”

“Finn, this wasn’t you.” Finn doesn’t answer, he just slowly pulls away from Sirius when he hears his phone ringing. It’s Alex, he is supposed to go to his wedding this weekend and Finn is thinking he is going to uninvite him.

“I should take this on the balcony.” Sirius gives him a firm pat on the shoulder, resting his hand for a second to give it a squeeze before Finn brushes him off and walks outside. “Alex.” Finn immediately starts crying at the voice of his brother. “Alex- I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to ruin your wedding.”

“What? Finn, I’m calling to make sure you are okay, this has nothing to do with my wedding.” Finn cries even harder, having to support himself on the railing as his tears drip over the edge. “Finn please talk to me.”

“I don’t know what to say, I ruined their lives, Alex! I ruined the people who I love most. How could I do that?” He squats down keeping one hand on the railing and pressing his forehead to the cold metal of the wall of the balcony.

“Finn, Bud, I know you love to blame everything on yourself but I promise you this is not your fault.” Finn lets out a pained noise as his brother speaks.

“Alex, I was the one who saved the pictures! It’s internet 101!” He takes a deep breath as he starts to become exhausted from crying, no more tears were coming but he felt as though his breathing wouldn’t slow down.

“What? You think I don’t have pictures of my fiancé on my phone?” Finn laughs a tiny bit as his breathing starts to go back to normal. “Finn, you need to take down all your accounts before this gets on the news.”

“I tried, I got locked out of them on the way home when Logan started deleting them as I drove us home.”

“Then I guess you need to get in contact with Twitter and whatever else… Then you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and make up a plan to play the media.” Finn is silent for a moment, thinking about how they have a game this Friday, the day he also leaves for Florida in the middle of the night.

“Play the media… That's probably the smartest thing you’ve ever said.”

“Hey!”

“Love you Alex but I need to talk to Sirius and Remus.” He hangs up the phone and rounds up Logan, Remus and Sirius. Pushing them into Leo’s room. “Okay so… how do we fuck with the media?”

Leo was oddly quiet, Reg noticed and placed a hand on his arm. Smiling a little bit at each other Reg could see just how scared Leo is. He is in his head and it's worrying him. Leo isn’t exactly the best at taking care of his mental health and his stress baking foods he doesn’t even like is definitely a sign.

“Leo, why don’t we go have a smoke?” Leo just shakes his head, Clay is sick right now and Thomas didn’t let him come here because he has been ill since they got back home. “Leo, can we at least sit down?”

“These need to be finished Reg. If you want to go sit then sit.” Reg sighs and decides not to pester him anymore. Going over to sit on the couch. He is brought away from texting Clay to the news loudly playing over the TV.

Leo and everyone else in the kitchen move to behind the couch to look at the screen. He was hoping it wasn’t going to be anything about them and what was posted. He was praying to any God he could think of that it wasn’t them.

His prayers never seem to work.

“Breaking News! Finn O’Hara, winger for the infamous Gryffindor Lions hockey team, has recently had some pictures and a video of him, his boyfriend… and a secret man leak onto the internet. We had reporters at the airport earlier today to see if we could get any statements from the two love birds as they made their way back home. We were trying to get answers but O’Hara and Tremblay seemed to be avoiding answering anything. Here is the footage we got from earlier”

Footage from Finn and Logan walking out of the airport shows up on the screen. Finn looking like thunder, Logan just looking confused. Leo watches Logan snap his head towards the reporter who yelled something at him, he didn’t know what was said because his ears felt like they were full of cotton. Finn leads them further on into the crowd but Finn suddenly turns around and spits a ‘Fuck off’ their way before ducking into the parking garage.

“Tremblay seems to be confused as to what was going on while O’Hara was getting defensive. The question everyone is asking is, who is this mystery man? And will this seemingly perfect relationship fall apart because of him? We have the video that was leaked here and we can only show the top half as the bottom is quite scandalous.”

Then suddenly Leo is on TV, they stick to their word only showing the top half of the video, it was darker than Leo remembers it being. He watches as Logan’s mouth moves but there is no audio… just a caption.

Finn.

The week flies by, Leo is the only person allowed to leave the apartment besides for practice, they had a game tonight against Ravenclaw. They won 2-0. Finn and Logan, of course, were being interviewed. Sat together in their stalls, sweaty and still in all their gear, they were very touchy on camera. Logan had kissed Finn’s cheek a couple of times, Finn’s arm was over Logan and he was watching Logan like he was the most important thing in the room.

“So, everyone wants to know. Who is the man in the video?” A reporter turns her microphone towards Finn who just shrugs and smiles.

“Like you said, he's the man in the video.” This shocks everyone for a minute because the camera flashes again.

“Did you like seeing another man with Logan?”

“I wouldn’t have kept it if I didn’t like it.” Finn flashes his most charming smile.

“Logan, is this a random man or someone you know.”

“I know every inch of them.” He smiles as Finn snickers.

“Are you two in an open relationship?”

“Nope!” They both answer at the same time before sharing a chaste kiss. Logan playfully pushes Finn’s cheek away from him and they start laughing again.

“Are you swingers?” They both start laughing and shaking their heads for the millionth time in this interview.

“Non, our relationship is closed and we aren’t swingers. Sorry you just aren’t our type.” The whole locker room gets a chuckle out of that and Marlene kicks the media out of the room so everyone can change. Logan and Finn get changed and finally feel like an entire house has been lifted off their shoulders. Finn was leaving tonight and Leo was meeting Logan at the Dumias house to watch the kids for the weekend.

It was going well. Hours later after Finn kissed his boys goodbye, Logan at the parking lot at the stadium, and Leo at the apartment after grabbing his bags. Maybe they were more than just a chaste kiss on the lips but it was great.

Leo was on his way over to Logan’s with a little surprise next to him. He waltzed up to the door with a small carrier in his arms. Adele answers the door and smiles at him.

“They already have articles about Logan and Finn posted and they are amazing just wait until you hear- what are you holding?” Leo laughs at her as she lets him in. Not giving anything away he walks into the living room, Adele hot on his heels. He sees Logan on his stomach with Marc sitting on his back playing with a hot wheel car on his shoulder blades. Katie is sitting by his head as he rests his head on his hands as she rambles on about something that Leo didn’t catch.

“Leo’s here! And he has a gift.” Adele announces, all the other kiddo’s get up and scramble over to Leo. Hugging him around his legs. Logan slowly stands, starting to get sore from the game that night, stretching his arms above his head before he spins around to see Leo holding a cardboard carrier that you usually get from pet stores.

“What did you bring me, a pet? I’m not that lonely.” Leo smiles and wraps his arm around Logan after the kids let go of him. The little box started squeaking very quietly, catching the attention of everyone. Leo sees the excited stares he's getting from all the kids and his boyfriend so he decides to open the box.

“Meet Tortilla, I adopted her from a family owned pet store that had a litter recently. She has been handlers since she was a tiny version of herself so she is okay around kids.” He lifts a small chinchilla out of the box. She is small and soft chattering to herself as she takes in her surroundings.

Logan’s face immediately morphs into one of pure amazement and adoration. He slowly reaches towards her. “How did you know?”

“Ma found your middle school Pinterest when she was figuring out what gift to get for the holidays. She bought the cages and food for here and Finn’s place.” He smiles as Logan cuddles her gently to his chest. She seems to have taken to him Immediately, burrowing into his arms.

“I love her, I- Leo I don’t know how to respond.”

“You don’t have too. She is part of the family now, Finn has already met her. She doesn’t like him much.” They both smile at that and the kids are now around Logan looking at Tortilla who is thriving under all the attention. “I’m going to start dinner.” With that Leo takes himself into the kitchen to start cooking. He could hear Logan teaching the kids how to hold her properly and how to play with her safely as Leo cooked. He was cooking up leftovers that Celeste left.

Once they ate Leo went out to the truck to get the cage out to put it in Logan’s room. Setting up her enclosure Adele held Tortilla and Katie and Marc stood around her giving Tortilla little pets every chance they got. They placed her in the enclosure after it was ready for her and let her run around inside for a bit before she went into her little home. Logan corralled everyone to the downstairs living room where they watched a couple of movies together.

Soon enough Katie and Marc had fallen asleep on either side of Leo. Katie was basically in his lap and Marc was trying to squish himself behind Leo’s back. Leo got up once the movie ended and picked up one limp child in each arm. Logan decided to go take Adele to bed while Leo tucked the other two in. Asking if they wanted to share a bed and they said yes. So they stayed in Katie’s room both snuggling together as Leo kisses their foreheads goodnight, flicks on the nightlight that makes shapes on the ceiling and leaves the door open a crack so they don’t feel trapped if they wake up.

They met down on the couch again and sat together, Leo’s arm over the back of the couch with Logan resting his head on his shoulder, both tired but not ready for bed.

“We should call Finn, make sure he is in his hotel room safe.” Leo yawns as he is talking while Logan pulls out his phone and starts a FaceTime call with Finn. He doesn’t answer the first time so they try again, him answering on the first ring.

“You guys interrupted my shower concert! I was jamming out.” Finn is only in a towel still dripping wet, he takes a smaller towel and starts drying his hair while looking at the mirror, his phone set up to lean against it on the counter. Leo and Logan share a look of appreciation at their boy.

“You should drop the towel ginger boy, show us what we are missing.” Leo speaks up smirking when he sees Finn turn red.

“You have kids awake!”

“Non, they are asleep.” Logan adds in as they watch Finn pick up the phone and start walking towards the bed, tossing them so they only see the ceiling. They start booing and Finn laughs as he picks the phone back up now in a pair of Leo’s boxers with fish on them. They have become his favorites.

“I was changing, chill out.” He still has the towel from his hair around his shoulders, he just looks at them for a bit taking in how soft and sweet they look curled up together. “You guys are so fucking cute.” He shares a look with Logan and he knows what’s gonna happen. Leo starts talking about the day as Logan leans up to whisper something in his ear. Finn watched as Leo’s face changed from an innocent smile to a dark blush and a slightly shocked face.

“Bedroom?” Leo nods as Logan winks at the phone and drags the taller man to the bedroom, looking around for a second he grabs a chair and pulls it close to the bed while Leo turns on the light. Finn is excitedly watching his screen as Logan tackles Leo onto the bed.

“Tell me what’s the plannn!” Finn whines over the phone and Logan just looks at him from where he is between Leo’s legs and smirks before diving in for a spicy kiss. Logan shoved his tongue in Leo’s mouth taking control of the kids like he hasn’t ever before. Leo is pliant under him and yanks on his shirt as they make out.

Logan leans back and tugs his shirt over his head trying to toss it over the chair but instead throwing it directly at the phone.

“Hey!” Finn shouts from under the shirt, Leo laughs as Logan leans over to pluck the shirt off him. He blows a kiss at the camera before a shirt hits him in the head covering his eyes.

“Hey!” Leo and Finn both start laughing as Logan tosses the other shirt away from them and stands up on the bed pulling down his pants and shakily taking them off before he lands on his knees and yanks Leo’s sweats down.

“In a rush Lo?” Leo smiles as Logan starts furiously digging through his side table drawer for what Leo was guessing was lube. Tossing random papers and a small book on the floor in the process.

“Kinda, I’ve been wanting to fuck you for months!” Leo smiles as Logan finds the small bottle of lube and kneels between his legs. “This okay?”

“Only if We can start with me riding you.” Logan basically moans at the thought. And pours some lube on his fingers.

“Want to watch while I finger Leo? Finn?”

“Is that even a question that needs an answer?” Logan grabs the phone with his clean hand and turns the camera around so that Finn can watch. Leo has taken it upon himself to grab his own knees and pull them towards his chest, giving Logan more room. Finn and Logan both have the wind knocked out of them at the sight.

Logan slowly presses his finger into Leo and is a little surprised when Leo asks him to push it all the way in. Logan complies and Leo moans flushing dark on his chest and inner thighs. Logan starts to pull out and push in and as he does Leo keeps asking for more.

“Baby be Patient.”

“I’m not good at being patient.” Leo’s face is to the side and his eyes are closed S rushing his brow every once in a while when Logan grazes his prostate. He looks beautiful.

Logan eventually adds another finger and Leo starts rocking back on his hand.

“Look at you~” Finn says over the phone, he’s palming himself through his boxers, he doesn’t want to touch until they get to the main event no matter how bad he wants to.

Leo smiles a little, showing off his dimples. Logan doesn’t think he needs to be prepped much more but he is loving watching Leo rock back on his fingers.

“Lo, I’m ready.” Leo starts to sit up as Logan pulls his fingers out Leo kisses him and flips them over so Leo is straddling Logan. He grabs Logan’s phone from his hand and sets it up on top of the headboard that is secured into the wall instead of the bed. “Can you see?”

“Better than I have in my whole life.” Finn smiles looking red and relaxed. Leo watches as Logan lubes himself up. Wiping his hand on the blanket before he rests his hands on Leo’s thighs, tracing his thumb over Matilda’s face as he watches Leo sink down on him. Both gasping, Leo doesn't hesitate to start moving. Logan’s light grasp on Leo's thighs turns into a hard grip within a few seconds. Leo brings himself up and lets gravity take him back down punching sounds out of him as he goes.

“Leo! Leo! I want to change position!” Logan was begging Leo who had his head tipped back, one hand in his hair the other slowly stroking his cock. He looks down at Logan and nods letting the shorter man take over. Leo pulls off and is positioned on his hands and knees. Logan slips back in him and starts fucking him nice and slow until neither of them can take it anymore. He speeds up both of them moaning quieter than usual so they don’t wake up anyone in the house. Logan is getting close so he reaches around and starts jerking Leo off fast with no real rhythm, his own thrusts getting sloppy.

His orgasm sneaks up on him and he isn’t able to give Leo a warning as he cums into him, fucking Leo through his orgasm he plasters himself across Leo’s back kissing his sweaty shoulder blades as he continues to jerk Leo until he feels as warm wet feeling on his hand. Leo must have warmed him but his ears aren’t working. He pulls out of Leo and they both sit up in time to see Finn cumming so hard it hits his chest.

“That was amazing boys, I wish I was there in person.” They both sleepily nod and share a short kiss before taking the phone and heading to Logan ensuite bathroom which is small but gets the job done. They shower with Finn propped in the corner where the water doesn’t hit, just cleaning each other off and hugging under the spray.

They fall into bed and drift off to sleep with Finn who forgot to plug in his phone. It dies some time during the night, making him sleep in a bit longer than he meant too.

But he wasn’t bothered, because he spent the night with his boys.

His boys that he loves.

They really need to tell Leo they love him… when he gets home.

#leo knut #logan tremblay #finn o'hara #james potter #thomas walker #Clayton Bruss #o'knutzy #o’knutzy #lumosinlove #sweater weather #coast to coast #clayton bruss #remus lupin #coops

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realbigpodcastslut · 3 years

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Should You Listen to King Falls AM?

(Update at the bottom)

Lately, I’ve seen a lot people looking to start KFAM and conflicting views on if you should listen. Being a fan for a long time, I’d like to put in my two-cents. I’m not going to tell you if you should listen or not, but I’ll present the facts so you can make your own choice.

Overall:

King Falls AM is a podcast, and out of the hundred+ I’ve listened to, it is definitely my favorite one and I always seem to be relistening to it. Taking place in the small town of King Falls, late-night radio hosts Sammy and Ben have to tackle the weird and whacky. It’s funny, the characters are amazing, and I just love the overall idea of love (platonic and romantic) conquering all. The music is also amazing. While the background music is to die for, this is really shown in their musical episode (which is done right).

Now, while it is my favorite podcast, there are a lot of faults. Representation is mishandled, there are problematic parts, and the creators and actors have had some not-so-great reactions to valid criticism. Also, the story is unfinished and there is no word if they’re coming back after COVID-19.

Characters:

I can’t deny, I love the characters (especially Lily Wright). The characters will worm their way into your heart until you fall in-love. Whether it’s the main characters of Sammy, Ben, (Emily, Troy, and Lily), or the townspeople, you’ll most likely end up loving them. And if you don’t love them, then you will hate them so much you love hating them. I’m going to avoid spoilers, but you will love these characters and feel for them. Even I, the stone-cold bitch that brags about not crying that much over media, ended up crying over them.

On the other hand, the characters are not the stellar representation that a lot of podcasts have. There are plenty of LGBT characters later on, but a lot of them are stereotypes. Archie, a gay man, is overly camp, and Jacob, a bisexual man, is sex-crazed. Though, I should point out that almost every non-main character is a stereotype, but this can be off-putting to a lot of people. Women are also not represented great. They’re pretty one-dimensional and while they grow, they’re sort of looked-down upon and hated. This changes around episode 90 where it is specifically called out on and episodes 75+ start to change this poor representation somewhat. Though the representation of POC is just bad, with Walt being a stereotypical Native American man and Storm Sanders an alcoholic. There is also a racist witch, while hated by everyone, is still suspicious.

Comedy:

King Falls AM is also extremely funny. There are several jokes they actually made me laugh out loud (hard to do) and in my relistens I still laugh. The character’s banter is hilarious and I just can’t state how funny some of the stuff is. While some stuff aren’t direct jokes, the absurdity of events are funny. For example, there is a vigilante named the Dirt who is basically a dimestore Batman in BDSM gear. Another thing is that there is a murderous Elf of the Shelf that says some things that are comedy gold. Even later on, they don’t sacrifice much of the comedy for arcs that will tear your heart out.

While the jokes are funny, there are many jokes that miss the mark and are not politically correct. One that sticks out is “Don’t assume my gender.” There are a lot of race jokes (ew) and quite a few on the holocaust. There are also a lot of gay jokes, which while sometimes done right, can make LGBT people uncomfortable. Especially when two characters (Archie and Lily) are made out to be too gay to function and make a lot of sexual jokes. This missing-the-mark is made clear as it is written by straight white men, which really can’t joke about stuff they don’t experience.

Themes:

The themes of KFAM are also good and you can’t ever go wrong with found-family. Love is the main aspect surrounding the show and whether platonic or romantic love, it’s embraced. I really enjoy how Sammy and Ben are able to say “I love you” to each other without it being seen as creepy or “gay.” Characters also grow for the better and are always pushing to be better. They even talk about mental health struggles and pushing each other up to be the best they can be. Lastly, the main storyline is compelling and it opens up for a lot of theorizing and trying to figure out what is going to happen (or what happened).

The themes of found family can be criticized over the fact that several characters already experienced found family due to being gay and already being a family, though I think this one is a little weak (but I included it). Some of the storylines may get boring and it can be a sort of slow-burn as things come to fruition. There are also plot holes (but not that noticeable).

Creators, Actors and Community:

This is the final point and the thing that has made many die-hard fans dislike KFAM and be ashamed for listening to it. Starting at episode 34, there was an episode on Helen Keller and it was essentially making fun of her. Obviously, fans did not like this episode and told the creators so. They did not apologize and basically said, “Sorry you didn’t like it.” Around April or March of 2020, one of the creators retweeted NSFW fan works and people told them how they needed to tag it, etc. They reacted poorly, only for a person to say “Death of the Author” (a literary idea where you ignore the author’s influence on a work), and then the creator freaked out, thinking this was a death threat. These were not the only events, so if you’d like to find out more, I have archived (with my friend) a decent amount on the blog @kfam-tea.

The community is also toxic. There have been a lot of times where die-hard fans will delete any criticism from the subreddit (though this has seemed to stop). These fans also started “attacking” WTNV after Cecil Baldwin (voice of Cecil) made a jab at other radio podcasts. The discord server is also closed off from everyone except those already on it, and they’ve deleted a lot of channels and such. Overall, the community is not the best and it’s quite divided.

Lastly, we don’t know if KFAM is coming back. While they said it was going to start after COVID-19, there’s reason to believe that isn’t the case. The creators unfollowed each other on Instagram and Twitter. There was a Reddit threat where people asked if it was coming back only for Kyle (co-creator) to call them entitled (yikes, I know). So far, there is another podcast made by everyone but Kyle and Trent (the actor for about half of the town).

Conclusion:

The choice to listen is up to you. You may or may not like it, but I’m not going to say this is strictly a terrible or amazing podcast. I think it is both. I fell in love with the story and while it has many, many, terrible warts, I think people should know what they are heading into. I see too many people either praising or hating KFAM completely, and it’s not fair. This story isn’t for everyone and has it’s bad moments, but it also has it’s wonderful moments. To listen, that is a personal decision for you to make.

UPDATE:

KFAM isn’t coming back and it left on a big cliffhanger so maybe don’t listen.

#kfam #king falls am #king falls #essay #long post #sammy stevens #Ben Arnold #kfam podcast #podcast #audio drama #i think this was needed for the community #i myself struggle with both enjoying this show and its warts #but i don't just want to tell people no #because if i hadn't listened then i would be a different person #this podcast has meant a lot to me personally and i really love it #slut.txt

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nako-doodles · 3 years

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check in tag 😌

tagged by the cutest babes @jaehyukkies @gimbapchefs @taesjpg @joenns @honsool @taehyungq @himbojin @jiminswn & @kimtaegis mwah! ✨✨

1. Why did you choose your url?

namjoon bought a duck mold, ventured out into a snowy day in winter, and gave me the greatest tweet i have ever seen

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them name them and why you have them

the day i gain the ability to wrangle more than one blog ill let yall know

3. How long have you’ve been on tumblr?

*starts calculating time furiously and almost burns out her single braincell* ive been here since like freshman year high school.....so............2010? 2011? ive deleted and restarted like 3 times tho so.........also you can calculate my exact age now (as if I dont have my age on my carrd aiowgjiorajgo)

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no we dont tag we just chaos in this house *finger guns*

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

i took a break from tumblr and kpop and then decided I wanted to make a bts blog out of the blue

6. Why did you choose your icon?

i drew all these tiny snow ducks i might as well capitalize on them yknow? really embrace my duck persona (Kim Namjoon witness the person you have made me)

7. Why did you choose your header?

honestly my entire blog brand at this point can be narrowed down to the hour ish (probably) joon spent wrangling snow into duck molds, placing them together for the twt, and captioning them ducktan sonyeondan (im on the look out for new ideas im ready for a change lmk if you have ideas 🥰)

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

i think its this post?? of the babies on rollerblades from that one iconic dynamite stage. and on that note tumblr should be able to let me filter based on note count instead of forcing me to rely one my shoddy terrible no good math skills. asking me to compare numbers bigger than 0? despicable.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

absolutely no fucking clue 🥰🥰🥰 i do love them to the moon (Kim Seokjin) and back tho!!!!

10. How many followers do you have?

ngl its still wild for me that even one of yall follow me thank you 🥺🥺🥺 its a great honor that you have bestowed upon me

11. How many people do you follow?

303 bc I like it when numbers are palindromes and also bc im bad at checking new blogs

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

would like you to direct you to my #shirley you cant be serious.txt tag

13. How often do you use tumblr each day?

i try my best to “clean out” my blog (reply to my dms/askbbox, check out my mentions, scroll for new content i may have missed etc.) in the mornings and evenings when i have the time. ive been kinda bad at this lately bc its been hectic here in shirley headquarters but ill get to everyone soon I promise!! (this sounds like bad. its not!!! its just that leaving things stresses me out? like how i like replying to texts as soon as i see them or reply emails as fast as i can. ‘unresolved’ correspondence feels rude.)

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

no im the type to unfollow/block/ignore if someone did or said something i dont agree with without a word

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

i get the need for those signal boost posts and promulgating important information but (and this is going to sound selfish) tumblr is my destress zone. i go here when the world is being overwhelming and terrible. i certainly read and educate myself as much as my mental health will let me, and i try my best to promote information and donate whenever i can, but i feel like social media has caused some people here to be too into canceling, managing, and being performative in their ‘wokeness.’ like you HAVE to have a blackout pic on instagram and you HAVE to reblog all these posts and you HAVE to immediately cancel everyone who has ever made a mistake EVER with no nuance or context (or dare i say......humanity). like fighting for human rights and speaking up again racism and bringing attention to societal problems is just a checklist to go down instead of being things you should understand and try to improve? like being ‘unproblematic’ starts and ends with mindlessly reblogging ‘woke’ content. idk sorry for going on a rant. going back to your regularly scheduled lighthearted content in 3...2...1

16. Do you like tag games?

ABSOLUTELY TAG ME IN EVERYTHING PLS AND THANK MWAH

17. Do you like ask games?

ofc!!! i used to do a lot of ask games back in the day but work and the pixel art ive been working on has been eating up all my extra time (and i always feel bad if I leave asks unanswered for too long see: q. 13) i do have that clover moots post saved for when my mental health is up and i have the time to tho!!!!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

ngl the idea of being tumblr famous is hilarious to me bc it usually just the same 10 moots who share a braincell bouncing posts back and forth each other, but i do think all my moots are superstars that even class o super giants millions of millions of miles away are turning green w envy 🥰🥰🥰

19. Do I have a crush on a mutual?

i have a confession i have to make........i have a big phat standing crush on all my moots........its really embarassing............thats its bigger than even tae’s tush or joon’s tits..................pls let me down gently if you dont feel the same................

tagging: @cafejoon @stargazingjin @yoobijin @jinbestboy @jintae @jinv @taemaknae @butterful & anyone who wants to ✨✨

#fun fact! class o stars are the brightest stars in the universe and usually burn blue. BBUT in jpn and chn green and blue are the same #which is a big problem when describing color w my parents bc my def of colors is very different from both sets of parents #like I would say 'mom can I have that gray shirt? and she would be confused until I show her and she would go 'oh the blue one!'#or I tell me dad I wanted the pink mug and he would go 'nah bro thats not pink (粉红)thats peach red (桃红) and im like....but theyre the same #this gets even MORE confusing bc in old chinese and japanese the character for blue/green (青) is also used to refer to black #anyways long rant is that languages differentiate colors differently and the only reason we say rainbows have 7 colors #is bc 7 was thought to be a heavenly number (the greeks thought there were 7 bodies in the sky) which is also why a week is 7 days #and that languages develop names for black and white #then the warning colors of red and green #before moving on to the more nuanced colors #anyways tae I love you for your galaxy brain #bangtan has 7 members bc theyre all heavenly bodies #thats it thats where I wanted to go #is this what vsauce feels like #thank you for tagging me darlings!!!!!!#hash tag games

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alyss-not-cis · 3 years

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My Oppression as a Pansexual

Hi there! My name is Alyss, I'm a bigender pansexual, and I'm a Christian.

Being a Christian, my family is extremely conservative. Like, Ben Shapiro conservative.

I was adopted when I was 10, and started homeschooling in a Christian community when I was 11 because I was being bullied in my public school. During that time, I was undergoing a lot of depression and guilt because I realized I started liking girls (this was before I identified as bigender).

In our community, homosexual acts and feelings are considered demonic, as well as mental health issues. I was struggling with both, and became overwhelmingly suicidal because of that guilt. I attempted suicide twice at the age of 11 and my parents never did anything to help me. I was terrified of coming out to them about my feelings towards other girls, so only tried to talk to them about my mental health. They believed that there was a spiritual problem with me, and instead of taking me to a therapist or looking more into the problem, they had family pray over me.

I felt like the black sheep of the family, and stayed in the closet battling my sexuality for years after. Then, when I was 14, I accepted my sexuality as bisexual. I had a few flings with both men and women in the Christian community, and tried to help as many people in the LGBTQ+ Christian community as possible because I had also endured their feelings. Then, at the age of 15, I started my sophmore year in a Christian highschool.

In this highschool, you don't celebrate Halloween, you can't show your knees or shoulders, baseball caps are a sin, etc. I had found a group of LGBTQ+ allys and members in the school and we became amazing friends until my senior year. I had switched my label to pansexual because I had a small relationship with a nonbinary on Instagram (who is still one of the nicest people I have ever met), and had a few fellow bigender partners. By this time, I was at the beginning of my senior year and a lot of people in the school knew I was pansexual.

The school had a VERY strict rule against LGBTQ+ to where you weren't even allowed to talk about it without receiving academic probation. The second quarter of that year, I had a failing grade in Chemistry, so my mother and I were called into a meeting with the school's director and my chemistry teacher. I had already been through this process before, but I had a terrible amount of disrespect for this chemistry teacher. Not only did she make the class about politics (not chemistry, which is what we were PAYING for), but she made extremely offensive comments about the LGBTQ+ community in the class (I was the only student in the class who wasn't straight, and almost everyone in that class knew except for her).

During the meeting, the director had decided to bring up a couple of complaints she had heard about me. One was the fact that I came to school in a onesie (it had footies that were against school policy), and I had worn "dark" make up. Then the last was that I was claiming I was pansexual.

I thought my heart had stopped, and my face went pale. Neither of my parents knew I was pansexual, and now I was being outed at my school in front of my mother and homophobic chemistry teacher.

The next half hour was spent listening to lectures about how I was giving a bad influence to the younger, more impressionable kids at the school and that I needed to seek help. My mom tried to defend me, saying "Well, I'm sure she didn't mean what she said. Right?" And she looked at me. I said no. I meant what I said, and you know what? I was proud of it.

I had to sign an agreement saying I was on academic probation for breaking the rules for the next coming quarter. I was crying my eyes out the whole day, sobbing my eyes out in front of anybody and everybody (making my one-on-one tutoring session VERY uncomfortable for my pre-calc teacher). My parents had now found out I was pansexual.

That night, I had sent out a text to my group of friends about what had happened, trying to seek comfort. They were incredibly supportive, yet very hostile towards the director. I had laughed it off as a joke, and sent a text saying "Put the snitch in a ditch." A very immature comment, and I do agree that I shouldn't have said that.

The next morning, my mother had received a phone call from a detective saying I was under investigation for death threats against the director. I was immediately expelled breaking the probation by saying I was pansexual. All of my friends in that group chat were also expelled and under investigation.

I'm now not allowed to speak to any of them, and was forced to tell my parents I was straight because I was about to be kicked out. I'm now paying for my own education to complete my senior year and have lost connection to almost every person I was once friends with.

My point here is; being a part of LGBTQ+ in a Christian community as a minor is terrifying. I'd heard of many coming out horror stories from people I was close to, and hated seeing them suffering like I did.

I do consider myself a Christian, but you can be a Christian and not be this hateful.

The Bible says "You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others?" Matthew 5:43-48.

Even if we, as members of LGBTQ+, are enemies to these conservative extremists, this behavior is unbiblical. The comment I made in the group chat was hateful, and I repent of my actions. I never should have said that, and I have learned from my mistakes. With that being said, it doesn't excuse the efforts of this school. I still love the people there, and am willing to treat them with respect, but I am not going to ignore discrimination.

My parents have even more oppressive. Whenever I'm around, they throw slurs at homosexuals on T.V., and they make fun of me openly behind my back in front of my younger brothers. They even accidentally sent a message in a group chat that I was in, making fun of the fact that I supported trans rights. And when they found out I could see those messages, they said they were entitled to what they said because it's "unnatural" and my feelings didn't matter.

This past week has been the worst so far with their homophobic and transphobic comments, it's gotten to the point where I can't even wear a hat backwards without my mom breaking down.

With that, I wanted to make this post as a safe space for anyone in a similar place and say that you're not alone. You are valid, you are not "filled with demons", and you are beautiful. I know that pain you're feeling, and I'm offering to help comfort and support you. God LOVES you, no matter what any Church Karen says.

Even if you don't believe in God, you're valid and safe here. You don't need to harbor any guilt for who you are, and you are gonna come out of this a strong, admirable warrior. I love you all, and remember to love yourself too.

Thank you for reading this, and remember to stay safe,

-Alyss

#lgbtq #lgbtq rights #lgbtq+#oppression #story time #funny

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biteybatsupremacy · 3 years

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@gaseth here’s dreams twitlonger! hope this helps :D

Very Important Information

Recently, there's been a lot of drama going on involving me getting "Doxed" and subsequent drama involving that. I generally like to keep drama off of my platform, so I've been keen on not addressing anything in a super public way. There's a lot of important stuff that I want to talk about in this document, although I'm going to try to keep it as concise as I can. I'm going to try and get as much drama out of the way as I can. Section 1 Doxing Summary Recently, a dox was released by a group of individuals in an attempt to harass and "expose" me. They said that they did this due to the fact that I was "egotistical" and that I was not a good person in general. Obviously whether someone is a good person is completely up for debate, but regardless of that no one deserves to be harassed in that way. This group of people attempted to release information about my family, about me, and about my friends. Obviously some things were true, and others were false. Section 2 My Ex Girlfriend This is going to be a longer section and the last one, because I think it's important to talk about. Back around three years ago, I got into a relationship. This person was a very loving and caring person, and there are a lot of good memories there. She was very encouraging and if it wasn't for her, I'm not sure I ever would have started Youtube. She encouraged me to pursue my passion and work as hard as I did when I first started. She helped me with my logo, and she helped me be less of a noob at twitter and instagram. Although we fell off shortly after I started Youtube, I honestly have always held on to that and really appreciated it. I think this is important to start off with. She suffers from borderline personality disorder, self harm, and other issues, and she did at the time although she was on medication. A few months after we moved in together, she wanted to get off her medication because she believed that it was making her not herself. I discussed it with her and tried my best to be a supportive boyfriend. After she stopped taking her medication she became very unstable. Although at the beginning of our relationship she was wonderful, she started to get abusive and she cheated on me on various occasions. While she was unstable I always did my best to help her and make sure that she was okay. I cared a lot about her and her well being, and I still do now, even if that time period was one of the toughest time periods of my life. Recently, she's been flip flopping on being positive or negative about me in public and private. A lot of people have tried to paint me as a horrible person based on things she has said. At points in the past she has said that I raped her, that I beat her, and that I starved her. She has admitted since then that all of these things are false, and as far as I'm aware she has told every person personally that these things are absolutely not true. I would never do those things to anybody, and it disgusts me to hear those things said. She told me that the reason she said these things is because friends she would meet would be fans of mine, and she wanted them to like her for her, not because she was "Dream's ex", so her intention on doing that was to make them hate me. Again, she is in a horrible time period in her life and I really want her to get the help that she needs. I have been in contact with her mother, and I have offered any and all help that I could possibly give. I have never talked negatively about her in public, because I know that anything I say would be used as justification for hating on her, and that would contribute terribly to her mental health. I do not want ANYONE sending her hate, and I encourage anyone sending her hate to reflect. There are lots of people that make mistakes in the world, not all of them have a "popular" ex-boyfriend though, she doesn't deserve any more hate than anyone else. There are certain people that try and seek her out and cancel her or harass her for the things she's done in the past, and I really hope that me talking in detail about this will make them stop. I don't want anyone sending hate on my behalf, and I have said that on many occasions. The reason this is relevant to the doxing though, is that she has recently been in contact with people that want to do harm to me or my family. Again, I like to see the best in people, and I like to think that the people that are taking advantage of people with mental health issues are the true horrible people and not the people with mental health issues. From what I have heard, she has said a variety of things that are not true in an effort to hurt my career or make people stop being fans of mine. I was surprised when I heard this, because she still even as of yesterday would message me that she loves me and wants me back and that she is trying to get help, and I thought we were friendly with each other. A lot of the things that have been said are very obviously not true and lead me to believe that she was taken advantage of by people who really want to do harm to me. I think that people taking advantage of people with mental health issues is a huge problem in todays world, and this is a really good example of that. I truly believe that when my ex is healthy and stable she is a wonderful person. One of the things that she has said is that I don't care about Youtube, and that I only do it for money. That I'm going to quit in a year and leave everything behind. To me this is clearly ridiculous, as Youtube is my passion. I've been doing Youtube since I was around 10 on different accounts, and I've been playing Minecraft for about as long. I'm extremely passionate about creativity, and have always wanted to be a Youtuber. I know that she knows this, so I know that this isn't something she believes. Another thing that she said is incredibly negative things about my appearance, saying that I'm obese or that I'm ugly or disgusting, going as far to say that I "catfished" her when we dated. She has never said this publicly, but she has said this in private to her past-partners in order to make them not like me. Obviously she says these things in order to hurt my reputation and make me look bad, as well as make herself feel better for things she has done. As for the "catfish" thing, this is very easily provable as false, and I know that she knows this which is why she's never said it publicly. I was fairly open about my relationship at the time to my friends and my family, and my family could easily confirm that. Shortly after we met in person, she moved in with me and we lived together for almost a year. It wasn't a purely online relationship. She has gone as far as to show fake pictures of me to people she was romantically or sexually involved with, and tell every single bad tale about me in order to make them not like me. As for my appearance, she knows that I don't plan on doing a face reveal until after Covid, so she's known that she can spread everything and the only way I can counter it is by releasing a face reveal. I'm not going to give in to that. All I can say is that I have met in person with now multiple people that can confirm independently that she lies. On top of that, she hasn't seen me in over a year and doesn't even know anything new about me other than public stuff. Regardless, insulting someone's looks is something no one should do. I feel terrible for anyone that is released as a "fake picture" of me, because they will undoubtedly receive tons of hate and negative things said about them and that is just horrible. Another thing that was said is that I have a "contract" with George and others that prevents them from saying anything negative about me, and that they get a revenue split of my channel in exchange for that. That it's a "money operation" and that none of us care about eachother or Youtube. I know that sounds incredibly dumb already, but I thought I would just mention it. Although I like to spoil my friends, I will go on record and say that they do not get a revenue split of my channel, nor do they get paid for being in any of my videos. Obviously we have contracts, but that's just standard with business. I've known Sapnap for about 9 years and we've been best friends for most of it. I help Sapnap and George with all of their videos and they both didn't even post on Youtube before I started Youtube. We've been together since the beginning and I love both of them like brothers. BadBoyHalo too. There's a video of her from a few weeks ago talking about how I'm an amazing person, and how much she enjoyed our relationship. She's also posted tiktoks with her laughing about old stories and with my character in the background. I like to think that this is the real her, and not the things that she says when being manipulated. I truly think that she is a victim here and I really don't support any hate towards her at all. She deserves support and care and to be helped by the people who care about her. Mental health is a serious issue, and she's been going through problems for a long time. One of the reasons that I was afraid of saying anything about this, is because I really don't want harm to come to her. I know that if she gets help she can be a wonderful person and I want that for her. I thought that this became important enough to talk about though.

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rosethornewrites · 4 years

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Fic: The Rebellion of Adrien Agreste, ch. 4

Characters: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth, Lila Rossi, Jagged Stone, Plagg, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Luka Couffaine, Penny Rolling, Anarka Couffaine, Rose Lavillant, Juleka Couffaine, Kagami Tsurugi, Alya Césaire, Chloé Bourgeois, Wayhem, Nadja Chamack, Nathalie Sancoeur, Sabine Cheng, Tom Dupain, Tikki, Fang, Principal Damocles, Caline Bustier, Ms. Mendeleiev, original minor character, Alec Cataldi, Lila Rossi's Mother, Sabrina Raincomprix, Roger Raincomprix, Mylène Haprèle, Le Gorille | Adrien Agreste's Bodyguard, Nino Lahiffe, Nooroo

Tags: Lila Rossi salt, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Teenage Rebellion, Swearing, Bad Parent Gabriel Agreste, Crack Treated Seriously, Lila Rossi's Lies Are Exposed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Luka Couffaine Needs a Hug, Paparazzi, Parentification, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Needs a Hug, Gabriel Agreste Needs an Aneurism, Uncle Jagged Stone, we're all queer here, the spirit of punk is sometimes just being allowed to be yourself, Kagami Finds Her Groove, punk rock fashion, Savage Kagami, Marinette protection squad, Good Parent Sabine Cheng, Good Parent Tom Dupain, Protective Kagami Tsurugi, Protective Luka Couffaine, Bisexual Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Pansexual Luka Couffaine, Sharing a Bed, Pet Names, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Instagram, Bullying, Social Media, Anxiety, Makeover, Hugs, will cure your acne, Face Punching, Bad Ass Juleka Couffaine, Rumors, Protective Juleka Couffaine, Protective Adrien Agreste, Lawyers, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Holding Hands, accountability, mental health, Jagged Stone's well-paid pet shark, How to Make the Evening News, Sexy eyeliner for days, one fish two fish Lila is a screwed fish, How to have fun and piss Gabriel off, Fuckery, sweet litigious karma, Alya sugar, lawyer shark doo doo doo doo doo doo, Schadenfreude, Bad Ass Alya Césaire, Gaslighting, abuse denormalization, Jagged likes his lawyers like he likes his pets: toothy af, Blood in the Water, Everything you didn’t know you wanted and some things you did, Gabriel Agreste is shark bait, Denial, Consequences, Principal Damocles salt, caline bustier salt, the impotence of Gabriel Agreste, snarky Nooroo, lies and the lying liars who tell them, Lila's brain is a narcissistic hellscape, Lila’s mind is built like an Escher piece, Alec Cataldi salt, Adrien Sugar, wholesome salt, Fu Salt, Kwami Shenanigans, Nooroo is a little shit

Summary: Cuddle Piles are Like Blanket Forts, Right?

Note: These kids are dorky af. Also, thank you for helping me reach over 1K comments on this fic on AO3!

AO3 link

Chapters 1-2 | Chapter 3

------------

An hour later, Marinette made a trip home for her design sketchbook and supplies, and returned also with a box of pastries and a leftover black Kitty Section shirt with the blue Luka design in Adrien’s size.

“I figured this could be the basis of your outfit,” she said. “After all, you’re dating him.”

Adrien liked the idea, and Luka smiled as he held the shirt up against his chest to demonstrate the look.

“I never did get to make a design for you, Adrien. But maybe that and an outfit for the next concert if you’re able to play,” she continued. “Oh, and I was thinking—we need to call Kagami.”

“Kagami?”

Marinette nodded. “She got Akumatized when Lila sent that photo of her kissing you and implying you were dating. It’s best if we let her know. She’s your friend, and she’s trustworthy.”

He nodded. “Uh, I don’t know how closely my father monitors my phone, though…”

Luka silently unlocked his phone and handed it to him.

“I’ll text her to let her know to expect a call from an unknown number,” Marinette volunteered, pulling out her own phone. “And see if she wants to come over here. She might have more ideas.”

Pretty quickly, they had another person on board and actively planning with them. Kagami seemed to understand the gravity of the situation immediately.

“That girl is bad news,” she said when she arrived. “Your father’s actions make little sense.”

Marinette snorted at that. “They never have. I like his designing, but he’s basically awful otherwise.”

Adrien didn’t bother defending him. Really, it’d been bad for a while except for the bright spot of being allowed to go to school. Everything else had been difficult.

Kagami actually quirked a smile. “With the exception of his day wear, certainly.”

Marinette goggled, then started giggling helplessly. It didn’t take long for the rest of them to follow.

“Oh, man, Kagami. You’re right; he dresses terribly,” Marinette gasped when she could breathe again.

“So since I’m disobeying, maybe I can tell him that?” Adrien wondered. “I mean, I already called him ‘Gabe’…”

The others stared at him, and he shifted uncomfortably.

“Really?” Kagami asked softly. “For you to be that upset, you clearly feel safer angering him than being in a fake relationship with that girl.”

Adrien hadn’t thought of it in exactly those terms, but she was right.

“Her heart song is… disturbing,” Luka commented. “I’ve heard ones like it, but it’s rare.”

“What does it sound like?” Marinette asked, glancing up from her sketching.

Luka was silent for a moment, as though searching for the words to express it. “Empty. It’s like there’s an echo, and it sounds ominous. I’d compare it to foreboding music from a TV show or film, all off-beat, the kind of music that raises goosebumps in the bad way.”

“Like Jaws?” Adrien asked.

“Worse,” Luka murmured, shaking his head. “I’d offer to play it, but I’d rather not foist it on anyone else.”

They were quiet, taking that in for a minute, until Marinette cleared her throat.

“Okay, so we’re doing this. Adrien, change into the shirt so I can see what it looks like and plan accessories for Penny to get. I’m thinking torn black jeans, for starters, but I need to conceptualize.”

He grabbed the shirt to change in the bathroom; when he got back, he wasn’t expecting what she said next.

“And if you’ve been getting closer to Luka and decided to go out recently, you guys need to seem comfortable with each other.” Her cheeks were flushed. “Um. So. You need to get used to cuddling.”

Adrien blinked, glancing at Luka, who seemed to take this in stride, lifting one arm welcomingly. He moved closer, startled regardless when Luka’s arm dropped on his shoulders. The blond didn’t often have contact like this except with maybe Nino. And Ladybug, but he couldn’t admit that to anyone. And when it was people he was close to, he liked contact like this; but it was weird when it was… fake. He and Luka were friends, but they’d never…

“Is this okay?” Luka asked. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“I, um… I’m not… used to this, I guess. Like, my dad never hugs me or anything. I get hugs from friends, and…” He shrugged slightly.

No one spoke for a minute, and he internally panicked. He wasn’t supposed to speak up and be needy. When he spoke again it was soft. “I wish I got them more.”

He completely missed the way the others exchanged a glance, trying to avoid their glances.

The next thing he knew, he was halfway in Luka’s lap, his head in Marinette’s, Kagami close to her side, all of them in contact with him. It was wonderful—after the initial shock wore off, anyway—their affection and the physical warmth was just absolutely what he wanted. There were hands in his hair, Luka’s arm across his waist.

Luka was smiling. “I kind of like snuggling, anyway. Though you might have to compete with my guitar.”

Marinette was blushing a bit. “There’s nothing wrong with platonic affection, Adrien.”

“Although it is not the norm in Japanese culture, living in France has accustomed me to it,” Kagami added. “Although often between genders it is assumed to be less than platonic.”

“So probably it should mostly be you and Luka in public, unless you want to come out as bi and so not into Lila at all,” Marinette chirped.

“Careful,” Adrien joked. “I might get too used to this.”

“You’ll have to, if we’re going to pull this off convincingly,” Luka told him with a laugh.

Marinette, sadly, remembered she had a job she was doing and sighed, grabbing her sketchbook and removing her hands from his hair.

“Okay, so clothing-wise, I was thinking black jeans, maybe skinny jeans, and a leather bomber jacket. And, um, for more of a punk look, they have these awesome men’s combat boots with buckles that go like halfway up the calf. Then a few bracelets, like what Luka has. But black and green?”

“I think the green in his hair should match his eyes,” Luka commented. “Neon would seem off. So probably the same with the bracelets. They have really nice green beaded ones that would do the trick.”

Adrien glanced at Luka’s face and hair. “Like how yours is kind of similar to your eyes?”

That earned a soft look from the guitarist. “Yeah, exactly like that.”

Kagami coughed delicately. “And that is how you should look at each other.”

He knew from the way his face heated that his blush mirrored Luka’s.

Marinette snorted. “Come on, Kagami. Let’s get Penny and go shopping, and leave these two to figure out their cuddling.”

She twisted out from under Adrien, letting him fall back on the couch awkwardly, his legs flailing a bit as he tried to find balance.

“Hey,” Luka protested in faux outrage, “no manhandling my boyfriend.”

“My hero.”

Marinette and Kagami laughed all the way out of the room.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous fanfiction #my fanfiction #The Rebellion of Adrien Agreste #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #kagami tsurugi #luka couffaine #lukadrien #gabriel agreste’s a+ parenting #lila salt #lila rossi #lila 'the liar' rossi #uncle jagged #jagged stone #miraculous salt

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koreanoreo · 3 years

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So I Made A Tumblr...

Hi! I’m KoreanOreo from Ao3, Wattpad and Fanfiction.net. If you’re here than you probably know that, if not then Hi! I write fanfiction to improve my writing so I can eventually, hopefully, publish a real book.

If you’re here then you’re probably wondering what’s going on with my on-going stories.

It’s been a while since I’ve updated any of my stories besides Hinata!!! on Ice and I left a some pretty cryptic posts on my Instagram about what’s going on. Unfortunately, Instagram isn’t really useful for long-winded explanations which is what lead me to creating this account.

The short version is that last week (March 31, 2021), my uncle unexpectedly passed away and I need time to deal with that (mostly by avoiding my very family/relationship centric fanfictions and fanfictions that deal with very sad character deaths). I’ve mostly been dealing with it through drawing.

The long version is a bit heavier.

Despite that, this account isn’t to talk about my mental health or vent to cope or post depressing content all the time. It’s to keep you guys up to date on where new chapters are and their progress.

For sure I won’t be writing anything for at least the month but I will be drawing more so I implore you to check out my side-blog for my art @artsaura and if you wish to support me further, please consider purchasing something from my redbubble

Before proceeding, I’m offering a bit of a content warning: The explanation below is extremely long and talks about heart attacks, depression, eating disorders, anxiety, family death, and mentions of self-harm. It gets fairly graphic and detailed. If you are triggered by any of this please don’t read on any further. If I sound a bit detached, it’s because it’s easier for me to deal with all this.

On the evening of Wednesday March 31, 2021, my uncle suffered a massive heart attack while he was alone at home. His wife, that he recently married in August of 2019, was at work and she came home to find him on their couch not breathing with only a faint pulse. She had him rushed to the hospital and my dad (my uncle’s younger brother) and my aunt (their younger sister) rushed to meet them at the hospital.

At the time no one really knew what was going on or if he was going to survive but I didn’t actually think he’d pass away. I was worried about it but it was mostly just my anxiety. At worst I was expecting him to slip into a temporary coma or suffer some minor cognitive impairment.

About an hour and a half later we got the call. I was in my room and my sister came in sobbing saying “We lost him.”

At first I was numb, I didn’t cry, I didn’t really feel anything. None of it felt real and I a big part of me didn’t believe it. When I finally started cry even that felt fake. I felt like I simultaneously couldn’t stop and could stop easily if I needed to. It was strange. I had a hard time smiling and even things that would normally crack me up couldn’t make me laugh for a while that night. At the time, we still didn’t know what was going on or why he’d passed away.

When my father got home from the hospital we finally got an explanation.

At one point, either in the hospital or in the ambulance, his heart and stopped and they managed to resuscitate him. When they did he was completely unresponsive and had no brain activity. Based on some quick research I assume it was caused by going too long in cardiac arrest before getting help. He wasn’t breathing when his wife found him and we have no idea how long he’d been in that state. The hospital kept my uncle alive long enough for the family going to the hospital to say goodbye. My dad, my aunt and my grandmother decided that keeping him a vegetable for the rest of his life isn’t what he would want and decided to pull the plug.

I made the mistake of doing some research on brain death which ended in me becoming more depressed because everything was basically saying that he might’ve gotten better if he was given a bit of time. All of this happened within hours and everything I read said that people supposedly brain dead should generally be given a few days.

Over the last few days it got a bit easier to talk about, planning the funeral and all that and at the moment I feel okay. But I know as soon as I walk through the doors of the funeral parlor I’m going to break down again.

About 15 months ago, just before Christmas is 2019 my paternal grandfather passed away. It wasn’t necessarily unexpected, he’d been sick for years and had only been getting worse so it wasn’t really a surprise--although the timing was especially terrible. It felt a bit different than this. We had been waiting for it, even expecting it--it didn’t really make it easier but it felt less wrong.

This was completely unexpected. There was no warning. About 10 days earlier I’d seen him at my cousin’s 21st birthday celebration. We were joking and everything was fine. In the days leading up to his heart attack his stomach had been bothering him and the day before he’d said he was feeling better. Aside from that he was a mostly healthy man, a bit overweight but otherwise he took care of himself--especially since we’re all aware that heart problems run in the family. He ate healthy, he was semi-active, he took care of himself. We really have no idea what caused it or if it could’ve been prevented.

Going a little further back, in January my dad and I caught Covid and were pretty sick for about 2 weeks. My dad’s sister called us just after New Years saying her and her husband tested positive and since we’d celebrated Christmas Eve with them, we all planned to get tested too. The next day I was hit with symptoms. In the days leading up to it I’d had some minor headaches, but the day after learning my aunt had covid it got especially bad. My sinuses felt like they were the size of grapefruits, I had full body aches I couldn’t really breath, at one point I had a minor fever (never exceeding 100℉/37.7℃) and I couldn’t taste anything. I couldn’t focus on writing because of the headaches and it was just overall a bad time. Even now, months later, I still have breathing problems from it which only makes my insomnia worse (along with the anxiety of suddenly not being able to breath in my sleep).

On top of that, back in November I relapsed in my eating disorder (if you want to get technical, I was just dealing with BED in between bouts of anorexia but that doesn’t make a difference) and for the past year or so I’ve been fighting the urge to start cutting again. The emotional drain my uncle’s passing is putting me through is only making it worse and my only semi-healthy release (weed) isn’t readily available atm (and my parents don’t really support it so I can’t do it at home anyway).

That’s pretty much everything important. If you made it through my emotional rant then thank you for listening. Thank you for all the support you’ve given me over the years. I’ll be back in a month or two.

Again, if you wish to support me and my work further, please consider buying from my redbubble.

~KoreanOreo

#personal #journal #life update

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joshler · 4 years

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regarding my last post

tw// topics relate to suicide/suicide prevention, racism, and bullying

before i get put on blast for “being white” or whatever the replies have accused me of: no, i’m actually a queer asian poc! my dad is a chinese immigrant from hong kong and my mom is cambodian who immigrated to america from vietnam during the vietnam war. i support blm 1000% bc i feel that as a fellow minority, we are on the same team. we’ve felt oppression, in different degrees, yes, but oppression nonetheless. i wanted to clear the air in regards to myself personally because the things aimed at me in the replies of my last post were insensitive and ignorant when you do not personally know me.

i would like to say i’m more of an update page at this point for TWENTY ONE PILOTS. i’m not here to get political, but i do want to say some things in regard to yesterday’s twitter incident with tyler joseph. first of all, YIKES. the joke was distasteful and the entire “thread” on everything he made yesterday had the worse timing in the history of ever. the platform “joke” was in regards to everybody pressuring for him to say something on current events such as blm, lebanon, etc. those things are very important and i have already done many things on my part to support blm and lebanon including donations, signing petitions, and posting on my main social media accounts (i’ve really ghosted tumblr) with ways others can help. i put links to resources, petitions, and places to donate among other helpful sites. the way tyler handled things yesterday was really idiotic on his part. with that dumb joke, he could have immediately linked blm and apologized right afterwards which is what should have been done. instead, he moved on into a tangent regarding mental health and suicide awareness. i understand what he was trying to say, but in the heat of the political movement RIGHT NOW, shifting the conversation to mental health while it should have been about blm was a terrible choice on his part. even if he connected how mental health and blm tied in together, it would have been great for what he was trying to say.

WHAT HE MEANT for all of the sjws jumping on this bc “a white man is being racist and using his privilege”: september is suicide prevention month. tyler’s intensions with the platform tweet was to make fun of everyone mass tweeting him for the past few months (you cannot make people do things). he was NOT mocking blm or any political movement. that platform joke was supposed to lead into talking about mental health. for anyone who doesn’t know, tyler is a very meticulous person. there’s no doubt he’s planned talking about this stuff for a long time. the fucking band’s moto is “stay alive” so of course mental health is a huge part of twenty one pilots culture, and tyler would want to talk about it. at the same time, that doesn’t mean i’m at all excusing him for not immediately speaking on behalf of blm in yesterday’s tweets. once he saw that what he was saying was not received as he thought it would be, tyler apologized for hurting anyone and sent out the links.

this is not the first time he has talked about blm either (as seen above). his band mate (josh) and wife (jenna) have spoken on behalf of blm as well. debby ryan (josh’s wife) has been the most vocal in regards to everything going on right now. for you strangers out there to jump on here and to call him this and that is doing nothing but spreading negativity. you are wasting your own time. instead of badgering people, how about taking your business elsewhere or at least trying to educate others. do not come onto my replies just to make trouble. as fans, you can’t just say “we don’t personally know them” while you know even less than we do since you just popped in when shit hit the fan for them and they turned “problematic.” tyler did what was right at the end of the day. i am not praising him at all, but he has at least apologized and learned his lesson.

in regards to them being rich and not donating: nobody knows what they’ve done behind the scenes. i personally donated to many blm funds and to the red cross in lebanon, and nobody knows that until now! just because you donate does not mean you are obligated to publicly blast that for everybody to know. your money is going to a cause that you support, and that should only really matter to you. celebrities are no exception to that idea.

fun fact: tyler has a niece named mercy on his wife’s side! she is black and tyler and his wife are extremely close to her and her family. to come out of no where just to call him racist and all that when you in fact don’t know a thing about him besides some surface tweets is uncalled for. in regards to being silent on the crisis in lebanon, tyler is part lebanese! without a doubt, he’s donated to some sort of lebanon aid fund. but again, we will never know.

for those of you upset about the platforms: dollskill isn’t the only site that sells those boots! dollskill is certainly the most popular brand the shoes are on, but if you look them up, the platforms pop up else where as well. to blatantly say “oh he supports dollskill so he’s racist/homophobic/supports the police/all the shit that company stands for” is just as ignorant as you think he is! dollskill as a company is complete shit. i don’t support them at all. many people think they’re from dollskill mainly because of this one instagram page that’s all about finding the exact/similar clothing to what tyler/josh/jenna/debby have worn, but we cannot be 100% sure that they were purchased from dollskill. that shit company steals from other smaller artists/designers, remember? (that same instagram account reuploaded a link to a different store who is selling them, as found here)

if you still have beef with tyler and what he said, there’s really no point in bickering just to call complete strangers “stupid” or “clowns” or just really hurtful names! you are screaming into an abyss and hurting others at the same time. there is a fine line between straight up bullying and educating others on bettering their understanding with what is currently going on. my intensions behind the post was to show that he had become active again. we are a fandom, and i like to update my page when they post new pictures. that is simply what i did. i made THIS post to clear the air on what people were saying about ME. i deleted tumblr off my phone because what was being said was just belittling and i didn’t want to see that when this whole situation with what tyler did already made me upset. feel free to dm me if you would like to talk about anything. i would be happy to discuss any points that i’ve mentioned. i would much rather have a civil conversation than be picked on through replies and anonymous messages.

at the end of the day, not everyone can always have satisfied and that’s okay. if anything, this entire situation truly opened my eyes to that. hopefully you read through this whole thing before you put anything on blast again.

here’s this, too. they do care.

summary: sorry on behalf of tyler joseph. he needs to work on reading the room better.

#k talks

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six-princes-for-me · 4 years

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My Thoughts on Vincent Zhou pt. 1

So originally this was going to be one post but honestly, I have soooo much to say that I’ve broken it down into two separate posts. In the first posts, it’s going to be my thoughts on Vincent Zhou, Things I’ve observed about him and some overall thoughts about being in the spotlight/mental health. The second post is going to be my thoughts on everything that he has done and said in the past. I want to preference this by saying “1000000000% DO NOT CONDONE things that Vincent Zhou has done or said and am in no way trying to defend him or trying to justify what he said.”

So here we go...

As much as I hate things that Vincent Zhou has said and done, and trust me I hate so much of it (jokes about the 3/5ths compromise, liking transphobic comments on twitter, making insensitive comments about the flooding in Hiroshima, all of it, DISGUSTING) It's really sad watching interviews with him other skaters and he'll only get asked like 1 or 2 questions while the others get all the questions. Like idk it must start to make you feel bad after a while. Like I'd start to feel kind of bad/hurt if that were me, having to sit through interview after interview of my peers getting asked tons of questions and I only get asked like 1 question throughout the whole interview. Like yeah he's on the quieter/shyer side but that doesn't mean that he is less deserving of interview questions and I feel like that would start to impact anyone's self-esteem/self-image after a while

Also the fact that I’ve heard him (Vincent Zhou) referred to as a “terrible Nathan Chen clone” (not to mention the other comments/remarks I’ve seen on Tumblr/YouTube about his appearance/skating ability) and the fact that he was over shadowed at the Olympics probably also has had some impact on his self-esteem. Like how everyone fawns over Nathan and Vincent really doesn’t get the same recognition, it probably feels pretty bad. Solely going on Instagram and twitter followers, Nathan has 5X the number of followers on Insta and 4X the followers on Twitter. I’m not saying that Nathan is undeserving of those numbers or that Vincent deserves even more followers than Nathan. But just think for a second what it must be like, to face that criticism every single day. To constantly be compared to someone for the majority of your career and to constantly feel like you’re not where you should be? I personally grew up as a triplet and had an older brother and the amount of times I was compared to them and the amount of stress/pressure I was put through on the daily because of that. I can’t imagine what that’s like when it’s your entire career and everything that you’re passionate about. And yeah, I get that’s the point of figure skating and that there are probably tons of other figure skaters to have to deal with the constant comparison/criticism. But that doesn’t mean that the impact it has on your mental health isn’t there. I really hope that Vincent (and all figure skaters for that matter) are making sure to take care of their mental health!!

#Vincent Zhou #Nathan Chen #Figure Skating #Figure Skating Thoughts #my thoughts #mental health #self-esteem/self-image issues #mentions of stress and pressure #part 1

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theeio · 4 years

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Do you have any advice for a self-conscious artist? I struggle a lot with posting my art on social media because I'm so nervous about no one liking it or seeing it, and that if no one likes it, it confirms the fact that I'm no good. Do you or did you ever struggle with the same thing, and if so, how do you overcome it? I really love your art! Your colors make me weep!

so i found this in my drafts, and i kept this here for so long because i was scared about the way i responded to this since its a sensitive topic, but i think what i had here all along is way better than anything i couldve come up with now, so here it is. i’m so so sorry it took so long for me to answer as well, i hope you’re doing well and that you somehow manage to read this.

first of all, thank you so much!! you’re so kind

and to answer your question, YES. i struggled A LOT with the anxiety of posting things, but it was rooted with the expectations i set for myself.

when i started this blog back in 2017, 15 y/o dumbass me thought that i should be getting quick responses and that getting at least 1k was the standard. so of course, i couldn’t hit that mark and i would be demoralised. it didn’t help that i was constantly comparing myself with more successful artists that made me feel even worse about myself. it even affected my mental health BAD and i felt terrible during those few months. i stopped sharing my art for months after that.

what helped me pull out from that negativity was when i joined a fan discord server with mainly artists in there. they were really encouraging whenever i shared my sketches, and even if i didn’t post much still, it made me feel,,,, validated i guess??? when i finally regained the courage to post stuff, they were there to reblog it, making it reach out to more people than it did before. they were just. really supportive an i love them a lot.

SO my first piece of advice is to share your art to a group of friends you have, or to join a fandom/art server to share your work!!! if you’re already in multiple ones, share your work on respective channels! this REALLY helped me to gain confidence in my own art, and it’s more likely that people would respond to your art compared to them scrolling mindlessly on social media.

when it comes to posting, make sure you post frequently!! aT LEAST once a week, but i encourage you to post once every few days! posting a few times a day is okay on tumblr too (but i don’t recommend that for instagram bc the algorithm sucks hdsnd),and make sure to take care of your mental/physical heath too because burnout is a thing your health is important

also here’s a screencap of a convo i had with sandflake!

so like they said: post your sketches!! it’s hard to churn out completed works quickly (at least that’s the case for me), but sketches are quicker and easier to share. it also eases the expectation of only posting more polished works, and its also good to start small! i can make a separate post on tips on posting sketches if anyone is interested too :Ddd

another thing; its also good to set a rough schedule of which days to post something. when i’m in the mood, i queue a whole buncha sketch posts with the hashtags and all that. so when there are days where i should be posting but couldn’t draw, all i gotta do is just close my eyes and hit the post button.

most importantly:

notes ≠ your worth as an artist

it’s really easy to think otherwise, and trust me, i’ve been there, done that. and i don’t want other people going through the same misery as i went through.

it’s not easy to get noticed when you start out. but as long as you start sharing your art to the world, it WILL get better. i promise. hang in there. you have my support as well.

#text #basically what helps the most is community #at least for me #i hope you find a good community for you #im rooting for u #and #im sorry if this wasnt what you wanted to hear #or that my advice didnt work #since this experience is different for everyone #stay strong anon youre doing amazing #<33 #;-;#if you’re still around feel free to dm me ur art id love to see it!!

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naturaldisasterfanfiction · 4 years

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You know what is laughable, my life. I have to laugh at it because if I knew this would happen I would change it, I love my son but no, this is not it and this is not what I wanted for my child. My mom is accompanying me to see Aeko off, yes, seeing him off. She is spiteful, she is so fucking spiteful for doing this, but I got what I wanted, and I will have Aeko for the holidays but now my son will have to travel from Germany, she came here for me. I never ever told her I wanted her, I never did but I tried to keep her sweet, keep her happy for Aeko. Maybe it was me, maybe it was my fault that I led her on but I did it so I could see my son, that is all that matters. Nothing matters in this but my son, but it is what it is, he is going to Germany and the only thing I can do is smile but I am not happy about it. In the court I got rights to have him on holidays but then she came to me and said she is going, I could have gone to court again and make things even worse or let it go, I let it go because I have something I guess. I need this stress to go to be honest, it is too much for me. My heart is feeling heavy with all this, it is making me stressed the fuck out and I feel anxiety about it all which is making me take more drugs to fit this. I need it gone “you know how to pick your baby mothers Chris” my mom said, looking at the same thing my mom is looking at. The police outside her place, well my place because I fucking bought it to shut her up again “I didn’t know mom, the dramatics. She is making me out to be a monster, I am calm” shaking my head, I am being escorted too by my lawyer to see my son off, this is how dramatic this is but also I don’t trust her so I needed to have this around me, she would cry anything right now.

Getting out of the car, the police officer just looked at me “don’t even speak to her” Mark said, I am angry. I won’t lie, I am angry she has police here and making this so much worse, I am not going to do shit “sir, are you here to see Amikka?” the officer asked “I mean who else would see her?” I remarked “we are asking, just calm down” Mark stood in front of me “my client is fine, we are just seeing his son and we are gone ok?” walking off towards the home, I feel like I am going to kick off but I won’t. Pressing the buzzer and then stepping back, turning around and then seeing both officers just there watching me, the door unlocked straight away. I am glad it did because I don’t want to speak to anyone. Just give my son some love and then go, I am done and that chapter with this bitch is so over. As soon as I walked into the home she has a team of bitches here, her friends are fucking foul, I know they are also behind this shit, making it all dramatic for no fucking reason. They just stared at me and I stared at them, fucking whores “he’s here” Amikka said, seeing Aeko just walking towards me with a ball in hand “lil man, come here” Aeko smirked at me and then looked at his ball “don’t play that shy thing to me now come” picking him up “you finna be tall like me ain’t you” he mushed my face with the ball.

Watching Aeko run around kicking the ball “you kick it!” he shouted pointing “again?” I said laughing “kick there” he pointed across the yard “but then who’s going to get it if I can get it all the way there? I can kick it far?” he nodded his head clapping “ok” I won’t be kicking it far, I kicked it lightly “not good dad” Aeko ran off to get the ball, I gasped. He really said that I am not good “but I want to save your legs boy” crouching down “little white boy” watching Aeko pick up the ball and run back to me “go white boy, come here” he frowned at me “you white boy!” he shouted which made me laugh “you’re a white boy” I said back laughing “you white!!” he shouted “you ain’t nigga enough to even say nigga so you white, come here and give dad a hug. I am going to miss you white boy” he threw the ball which hit my leg “white” he ran into my arms saying “yes white” I repeated as I hugged him “I will miss you, roro will miss you and meme will miss you” pressing a kiss to the top of his head “roro gone” he said, I am sad about this but I think it’s best she goes and I will have my time with him alone this way “yes, roro will miss you though. And I will be here waiting, we going to do fun things when you come” getting up from my position holding him “look at my boys” my mom said looking in awe, it is a shit moment for us all.

Walking towards the dining table “it is so weird to see this, wow” Yusuf said pointing at me “I just, oh my god” he held his chest “I can’t take it, you’re actually pregnant. I have not seen you since BET awards and I was not ready to see this, wow. I am actually crying” he waved his hands in his face, I just laughed pulling the chair back “stop it, don’t cry. I know you haven’t seen me since but hey bitch” sitting down “it’s weird isn’t it but it’s beautiful to see, flash him your stomach” Mel said, moving back a little and lifting my tee up “oh my god, Rih. Stop it! I am crying, look at me” Yusuf pointing at his face, he is actually crying too. Placing my tee back over my stomach, nineteen weeks and counting “I feel terrible though” I am just feeling awful, lack of sleep is getting to me and I was having such a good time at first, everything was great and then this, I just can’t sleep for the life of me, I am stressed. I feel anxiety going out now, I feel not safe too actually because I just don’t’ want nobody near me. My heart is feeling so heavy, I am stressing myself out, so I am just not sleeping at night. I think the days of The Diamond Ball is coming up and it’s stressing me out so much because I feel like I am caring what people think but then I don’t, I just need to calm myself down but I can’t either, I hate this situation “you want me to start sleeping in the bed with you again?” Mel asked me, shaking my head “I will be ok” I feel terrible and it’s on the day I am having a photoshoot, a pregnancy one to be exact and I don’t want to leave my home, I haven’t left this home for a few weeks now, everything is skype calls for meetings “Robyn? Oh my god, hey” looking behind me “hey Dennis! My boy, bring it in” opening my arm for him “you really mommy Fenty now? Oh wow, hello” Dennis dropped his bag to the floor and came over to me, Dennis hugged me. Wrapping my arm around his neck “it’s been a while!” I chuckled “wow, look at that” Dennis touched my stomach “you are the first male to touch my stomach like this” he rubbed it lightly “this top is a little tight so it’s showing more, what you think?” I said half laughing “I am amazed, well amazed. There is a baby in there, you look good” he moved back “don’t lie to me Dennis, I’ve not slept” watching him sit down “don’t be rubbing the stomach now, the baby might get ideas thinking it’s dad” side eyeing Yusuf “whatever” shaking my head.

Listening in and out of the meeting around the table, they are discussing the photoshoot and what is to come of it “I am not leaving this home, so make use of what is here” I added, the table became so quiet “but I hired a place in London for this” shaking my head “think again” looking back down, Dennis thinks I am leaving this home then he has another thing coming. Staring at the direct message to Chris, just hovering over the send button. I mean to tell him I need to speak to you is a little I don’t know, but I am in London and I rather tell him in person “shit” looking up from my phone “I didn’t take my bump picture at all today” it was so random but it just came to mind “bump picture?” Dennis repeated like I don’t know what I just said “yes, I take a picture every morning since being pregnant, and I love it. My photos are full of me, memories for me of course” I smiled “I see, that is cute” I grinned before looking back at my phone, do I send this or don’t I. Then if I need to speak to him I would have to call which is not good, I will be in America next week, I could do it then. Backing out of my Instagram, I rather do it face to face “I was thinking, just a picture is boring. Let me make a montage of the process of your bump, and just have you say a little something? I mean we will do a photoshoot now but I think that will be good?” nodding my head “I will know the sex of it too by then, but the girls are saying they want me to wait and let them surprise me” I am still unsure on that because I want to know the sex of my baby.

Watching Dennis look at my personal baby bump pictures, he has an idea instead of doing something else “what I am thinking actually” I said interrupting him thinking “you are right, we need to make this personal, make it personal to me. From me to the fans, I love my fans, they have rode for me and I don’t want to make it seem like a break up. The more I make it more personal to them, they will love it. So that is a good idea, like a time lapse. Just take the side profile ones, and I will write out the caption, myself. But we will do the photoshoot here still in the home and then proceed that way” Dennis nodded his head “see? We make a good team” this is on him; he gave me the idea “what are you all bitching about now?” they are saying something about me “just preparing for The Diamond Ball, it’s going to be interesting. We think you should be last to arrive, we are also worried about your mental health, you seem really off with things” Jen said, she is saying that but she should know why “I am ok, I just have a lot to deal with. I am ok, I think once I have said it then I will be ok to go back into my little bubble, I just need to say it. I think I am too invested on the reaction of others which is bad, I shouldn’t but it’s a lot, people look to me. I am just thinking, it’s a lot. Nobody understands but me, I had a lot of dreams and hopes and being a third baby mother was not it, I just have a lot to go on. It makes me sad, I just you know. I make no sense, but if this were a sperm donor I would be feeling the same. I just feel I have not done the best for my future; I haven’t done well for my future child. I have no loving home, none of you can make me feel better I need to fight this but thank you” I cut them off before they started saying something “we get it” Jen said “get what? Your man is at home looking after yours?” I retorted “mhm?” what can she say “I just need time” getting up from the chair.

My emotions and moods are all over and it’s just getting to me, I am one minute happy and then next not. This rides on me at the end of the day, it’s a big title to hold when people look to you and they see you as that person. I don’t like to let people down either, but I hold my own “can I come in Robyn?” a light knock at the door and my mother’ voice “you’re always welcome here mom” turning away from the window “you need some fresh air, you haven’t left this home since being back in London” shaking my head “I am ok” sitting on the edge of the bed “you’re hiding which I know was going to happen but you are hiding from the truth on what is to come, when I asked if you was going to sit outside with us you said no, that showed me you are still feeling scared of what is out there. We will be going to California for this event, the event where everyone will see you. I want your head up high, not there” she pointed at the ground “enjoy this, pregnancy is scary. I am scared, my baby is having a baby, and anything can happen. This is why you leave it to god to guide you, stop letting what is around you affect you. You are going to be such a good mother Robyn; you have done well for the baby already. The child will see how great of a person you are, ok you didn’t have the dream of a family, it happened and now I want you to be happy” my mom is right “it’s the lack of sleep that is getting to me too, the constant toilet. But that equates to me being stressed out, I think it’s hard to be strong all of the time. I put that out there but here, with you all I am weak. When I leave for California you will see me being me, I promise” my mom smiled at me lightly “my baby is having a baby, I live to see the day” my mom chuckled.

Watching the mock time lapse Dennis has done “ok, ok” I smiled watching it “that is actually so good, thank you for taking my face out of it. I look so stupid in some of them” I really did “you are happy, shut up. So, this is just a mock up of what it will be like, I think what I want is probably have you sitting here. On this couch, just you being you. Smiling and laughing, and I think have a voice over. You said you want it to be more personal, more different then a posed picture. So, for a few days I will just film you being around here, being happy, being you. And I was saying this to Mel, we would have the back of you walking towards the bathroom, and then we can voiceover just you speaking on a spiritual journey you are on, we are not giving away anything, talk on how you felt and how you are now. We will script it out, work on it. And then release it, no caption needed. Done, then I think Jen was saying, releasing the video just before you walk the red carpet, that will break the internet, and then the crazy stuff happens, what you think?” nodding my head slowly “it’s good, I hate having to explain myself though? I got drunk, had sex and that was it” I laughed looking at Dennis “so instead of saying got drunk and has sex, you would use cover words and speak on how you have such a good time in life, we want it to flow into I am now on a new spiritual journey, we sticking to the spiritual journey before we show the time lapse of these pictures. And then you will jus say at the end of that lapse just text saying Fenty baby, we can add little jokes about album the fans talk on, or we an add things like I have been working towards this, it’s my new baby. You say that they will think it’s a new lipgloss shade. But it’s just ideas we all been speaking on, you good?” Dennis is speaking and I am just taking it in “I am, but I am thinking also. I just can’t believe the time is here for The Diamond Ball and I am just like this” I need to stop thinking, I am doing too much with this right now.

#Chrianna Fanfiction #Chrianna FF #Chrianna #Fanfic #Fanfiction

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that-bookworm-guy · 4 years

Text

2-week Hiatus Post

I've written, rewritten and deleted this post more times than I can count.

If this has posted it means that I'm still not back.

The only things I've come online for are to top up my queue and to write and queue book review posts. On my Twitter the only things that should be posting are the automatic posts from Netgalley as I review books. My Instagram has been silent.

I've just written my post about my 1 week hiatus, which as I stated in the post, is a safety net I like. It makes me feel like I'm not abandoning everything and hopefully it gives extra notice to those who may not have sewn my original break post. So although these posts are a week apart for you, it's been literally minutes for me.

I don't think I've ever written a 2 week post. I've had breaks that have been longer than 2 weeks, but I've always had a rough idea of when I'll be back. I don't know this time. I really don't. I didn't tell anyone directly that I was going on a break. Because I didn't know how to explain things. I just kinda posted the posts and went silent.

So this post is going to be long.

Tw: Hate (and assault??)

If you've been following me for over a month, you may remember I took a break from social media because of the vast amount of hate I was getting on twitter and here. I shouldn't have come back from that so soon, because honestly, the hate on the internet hasn't stopped. It's all over my Twitter feed, hate directed at trans people and even if I block certain words, screenshots keep appearing of things people have said.

Before my last break, I woke up one day to my Twitter inbox full of vile hate. Towards trans people in general and towards me. I mean vile, horrible messages with vivid descriptions of things. In my half asleep crying state I didn't block or screenshot any of them. I just deleted them. I wanted them gone. It took me hours because every time I thought I got to the end, I refreshed and there were more. I was a mess.

I was getting hate on here too. I had to step back.

I came back a week or two later feeling a bit better. But fully aware that i was pushing myself to regain some kind of normality.

Then everything kicked off again, but this time just on my Twitter feed. If you've been on twitter you may know what I'm on about. I've unfollowed people, blocked others but screen shots kept appearing on my dash and people were replying to hate messages which put them on my feed.

Then I got a hate message on here and something in my snapped. I cried and cried and wrote an impulsive rant on twitter about I'm going on another break.

I haven't reread the thread but I wrote that I'll delete it when I got back, so it's still there. I also wrote about the fact I've been a terrible friend to people because I've been isolating myself. It's something I do when I know I'm getting bad again. In a way, I want no one to notice what's happening. In another, I'm afraid that if they see me in this state, I'll be rejected. So I isolate.

So I went on a break.

In March I started running to help with my mental health. In May I had to stop due to injury and something else, which I won't discuss. But it meant going back to running was going to be hard for me.

But I decided i needed to go for a walk at least because I hadn't left the house since early May.

I had been out for half an hour when I noticed 3 men behind me. They had been behind me for a few minutes but I thought nothing of it because I was walking down the back streets (I live in a village/ small town. The back streets are just road with houses either side but it's not a proper road. It's mostly used by walkers). I know these streets very well.

But then the men started to comment on what I was wearing (gym clothing, that are men’s wear, which I know isn't important but I thought of wearing something else but didn’t) and commenting on my body. Then they started to question if I was a boy or girl. Things got nasty quickly. I didn't reply, didn't turn around and didn't run. I was taught to do these things. I was playing pokemon go and the men had commented on this so I was scared to try and take their photo or call someone.

Because I didn't answer and i can only assume they saw my beard and nail varnish or maybe my body shape, they started to yell transaphobic things at me as well as sexual comments on my body, guessing what I had under my clothing. I keep telling myself that there is no way they could have known that I was trans, that they were just hoping to get a reaction, and when they didn't, they tried harder.

They threw rocks at me. I have cuts and bruises over my back, legs, arms and something hit me in the back of the head. But I didn't run because I couldn't risk them chasing me. So instead I continued walking like nothing was happening. I tried to show no fear as I could feel a panic attack building. But I didn't know how they would react if I reacted.

They yelled things calling me scum, an abomination, that I should kill myself or they could do that for me. They told me no one would miss me. Tr*nny waste of space. They followed me for a while until I turned onto a main road. Then one of them said that I wasn't worth it and they turned back on themselves.

Mum says there is no way they could have known I was trans, that I look masculine.But I don't think my body does. I had my hood up and was dressed all in black. But my clothing was actually my size instead of being 3 sizes too big. I don't know. I keep thinking what I did wrong. Why I didn't blend in.... Why I didn't pass as a cis male. What I did to be a target when I didn't say a single word to them.

My dad keeps telling me I was assaulted and that it's a hate crime. I'm not sure what it was....

But mixed with the online hate and whatever it was with the 3 men, I want to do nothing but lay in bed, read and cry, as pathetic as that sounds. But right now, everything is a little bit too much.

I know I need to do something other than hide. But right now that’s all I want to do. I have no energy to be bright and bold and to be proud of who I am.

I know I have to deal with this sooner or later. But right now I pick later.

I don't know when I'll feel okay talking to people, even those close to me. I love and adore you, you all know who you are, but I'm sorry, I can't hold a conversation right now.

Honestly, I want to pretend I don't exist right now. That I'm not real. Which is why I'm reading a lot, because at least then I'm not me.

I love this blog. I love the people I’ve met. I work hard to create content and i genuinely adore what I do here, even if no one else does. Which is why I want to explain why I need to step back right now. Because I don't know, something in my head is telling me that if I didn't write a reason, then I'm abandoning this blog, which I know is stupid. A few weeks or months away isn't going to mean my blog disappears. But this blog and the people on here means a lot to me.

I'm keeping my queue going and I've been writing book reviews to post so it won't even feel like I've gone. I'm sorry I'm not replying to messages or asks, but right now, I can't. I will as soon as I come back properly (not just to update queue). I really hope you all understand.

I'll be back at some point. Maybe a few days after this has posted, or a few weeks, but I just don't know how long. I'm sorry.

I'll be okay, I just need to work through this and some other stuff so I'm not constantly having a breakdown.

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dobrikburrito · 5 years

Text

loved ones, d.d. & v.s.

words: 2.2k

requested by anonymous

Hi!! I love your writing sm you're amazing!!! Can I get a David fic where she's so nice and and always does stuff for all of them like the dishes when she doesn't have to or buys them presents so they all work together to do something nice for her

disclaimer: wholesome fluff.

⠀

One year ago

“Alright, Zane, I think that’s enough alcohol for tonight, baby.” You supported Zane having his arm around your shoulders. “Here, have this.”

Zane made a disgusted face. “What is that?”

“It’s just water, come on, take a sip.” You told him, but immediately rejected it.

Rolling your eyes, you took the cup away and then brought him the same cup again. “Ok fine, have it your way, here’s some vodka.”

And he happily drank all the liquid, which made you laugh and facepalm. “How is it?”

“That’s some tasty drink right there,” He nodded, approving the “vodka”.

“Aw, I’m glad you liked it.” You smiled, taking a paper towel and drying his sweaty forehead. His eyes were barely open and his body was trying to dance to the music, but ended up just moving oddly. “Hey, I have a fun idea. How about we eat some of these chips? I’m feeling reeeeeeally hungry.”

You brought a small packet of regular chips and gave him some to eat, which he obeyed like the good toddler he was.

After taking care of Zane for a couple of hours, he was sobering up and wasn’t going to pass out or have a ridiculous major hangover the next day.

“Thank you for helping me with him, (Y/N).” Heath softly smiled in appreciation.

“No problem, babe. Let me know how he wakes up tomorrow. I already gave him one Advil,” You informed your friend. Heath nodded and walked Zane to the car.

10 months ago

“Psst, hey. Dave, wake up.” You poked David while he was napping rolled into his comforter on the living room couch. He whined, you rolled your eyes. “Come on, you need to take your medicine.”

David mumbled something incomprehensible, but stood up a bit and took the pill and the bottle of water from you, barely opening his eyes. After swallowing it, he nodded in appreciation. “Thank you (Y/N),” Only to fall down on the couch again, sleeping.

Just recovering from a bad case of the flu, you spent part of your days at David’s making sure he was properly taking care of himself, which he usually wasn’t, hence the sickness. You cooked him some soup while he napped and cleaned the dishes for him. Jason came along an hour later to check up on him as well.

“Hey (Y/N), how’s David doing?” Jason approached you on the glass table by the kitchen and hugged you. “Uh, that smells good.”

“He’s been sleeping a lot, but I made sure he took his medicine and is properly eating actual food and not just Chipotle.” You hugged Jason back, stopping your own video editing for a while. “And I just made some soup, you’re more than welcome to join us.”

“David’s really lucky to have a friend like you around. Sometimes he’s just so reckless I want to punch him.” Jason looked at the blob that was David on the couch. “Actually, we’re all very lucky to have you around, you’re always taking care of us.”

“You’re cute, but I’m just being a friend, that’s all. We work so much that we forget that health is actually a real thing.” I laughed, shrugging.

“I’ll go wake him up to eat your soup then.” Jason kissed your head and you got up to pick up some plates.

8 months ago

Todd had his head resting on your lap, eyes closed, feeling your fingers running through his black strands of hair. Somehow he showed up at your door at 2:45 am, completely wasted, after drinking his feelings away because of another fight with Corinna. You were caught in the middle of this tornado since the moment they started to date, always listening to both sides, trying to reason with them and advising in what they should do.

You looked to the orange and pink sky through your living room window, it was probably around 6 am now. You’ve spent all these hours listening to a drunk Todd cry about how sad he was but couldn’t ever properly express his feelings to Corinna.

This time you chose to just listen and wear off the alcohol in his system, giving him water and all the protocol for him not to wake up a bigger mess. Your eyes shut for one second, giving that you were exhausted yourself.

Todd woke up after a couple of minutes and saw you there, taking care of him for the hundredth time again, only to sigh and get up to cook you breakfast.

6 months ago

You had scheduled to meet Kristen for a Saturday brunch, missing your time together. When you arrived, she was already there, Scotty sitting by her side. Instead of being mad, you just smiled watching them together from a far and seeing how much love they had. You reached them, hugged them tight and sat down, spending the next couple of hours talking about everything in your lives.

“Oh, shit, I almost forgot,” You shook your head, quickly slapping yourself in the forehead. “Here, I bought you this!” You smiled.

It was this lovely and big Buddha crystal figure with a lotus flower on the inside. It was written Kristen all over it. The look on her face was priceless and you clapped, excited.

“(Y/N), oh my God. This is amazing! I can’t take this, this looks super expensive.” Stunned by the figure, she didn’t even look at you, just kept admiring it.

“Oh please, yes you’re taking it. I saw this while I was looking for a new clock for my apartment and it was you all over it. I couldn’t not take it!” You smiled, sweetly. “And my channel is doing good, don’t worry about it!”

“What’s the occasion?” Scotty asked with a smile on his face, also appreciating how happy Kristen was.

“Can’t a girl give her best friend a random gift out of the blue just to see her cry?” You shrugged, being a little over dramatic for the joke.

“Oh my Gaaaaaaaah.” Kristen did a fake-cry and whine just to make you laugh.

4 months ago

“Jesus fucking Christ, what is the matter with you people?” You said, breathless. “Why do people do this to themselves willingly.”

Todd and Jeff stopped to laugh at you, a few feet down the hike from them. “Come on now, it’s not that bad.” Jeff joked, waving for you to reach them.

It was the beginning of the year and as much as Todd and Jeff were friends, they were still getting to know each other. You knew both of them, knowing that Todd and Jeff had just been through terrible break ups and could use each other’s help. So you managed to sneakily schedule the first hike they ever did together, using your bad habits as an excuse.

“Don’t look at me like that (Y/N), I’m not gonna carry you again.” Todd shook his head when I gave him my puppy eyes.

“God dammit,” You rolled your eyes and did a little power run to reach them. “Just go easy on me, why don’t ya?”

We kept walking together and a couple of miles in, Todd asked Jeff “So… How have you been since you broke up with Cierra?”

“Basically shit, man.” Jeff answered and they continued to talk about every aspect of their lives.

You smiled to yourself, mentally giving you a high five for your bromance cupid skills.

2 months ago

“Ooh, who’s that guy?” You scrolled through Corinna’s Instagram DMs while she was putting on make up before you both went out. I show her the profile picture for Tfue.

“Oh, it’s this streamer guy that I told you about, he’s nice.” Corinna took one look at it and went back to her make up.

Clearly, I clicked to go to his profile and started going through his pictures and videos. “Oh, he’s cute too. He’s very much your type.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” She chuckled while putting mascara on.

“You know exactly what I mean, don’t play dumb.” I laughed. “And he’s asking you out for next weekend! Why don’t you go out with him?”

“I don’t know (Y/N). I told you I needed to take some time after the whole Todd situation,” Corinna made some excuse.

“You did tell me that and you did take time, Cor. It’s been a few months now,” You knew how lonely she felt and you wanted for her to get back out there. “You’re not instantly going to get married to this guy or whatever other guy you go out with. But I think it’d be fun for you to see some new people, change weathers. Don’t think I haven’t noticed your anxiety rising lately. I know how you tic and you need to be social and have fun to destress.”

Corinna sighed and looked at me. “I hate how you know me so well,”

You shrugged. “I’m very proud of it, to be quite honest.” I made a proud face that made her smile. “C’mon, you have nothing to lose here.”

She gave you a quick smile which was enough for you to accept as a yes. “I’d love to hang out! When are you free? And send.”

“(Y/N)! Did you just message him?” Corinna was half shocked half amused.

“What? No.” You looked like a toddler who was just caught doing something bad.

“Oh my God, give me this.” Taking the phone out of your hand, she looked for his DM. “You’re the worst!”

“I think the words you’re looking for is absolutely unbelievably amazing.” You smiled. “Besides, I have a feeling you’ll be thanking me in the future, so… I do accept thank yous as louboutin shoes by the way.”

You walked out of her bathroom, leaving her chuckling.

Today

“Alright guys, here’s the deal. I just texted (Y/N) and she’s coming to my house.” David was sitting down by the living room with a bunch of the VS behind him. “She’s always taking care of everybody, so we decided to surprise her tonight.”

“Today is her half birthday. We decided to do this today so she wouldn’t suspect anything.” Corinna explained to the camera.

“When she arrived, I’m gonna blindfold her and walk her in,” David informed the viewers. “Then she’s gonna see all of this.”

Taking the camera, David got up from the ground and showed around his house, which was filled with all of the people who loved you and cared for you. The house was completely decorated with Cabaret, with performers and playful activities, which you absolutely adored.

“She’s gonna flip the fuck out,” Jason said to David’s camera. David laughed.

“50 bucks she starts crying,” David wagered.

“I’m on it!” Jeff shook David’s hands.

Once they saw your car parking in front of David’s house, he made his way out of the door, while Jason filmed everything from a hiding spot.

“Hey, thanks for coming!” David smiled at you and hugged you.

“Yeah, no problem. What’s up?” You didn’t even realize anything. Your hair was in a messy bun and you were wearing a clickbait hoodie and sweatpants. Every time one of your friends asked for you to come because they needed help, you never hesitated. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” David laughed, then showing you a black piece of cloth. “I’m really sorry but I have to blindfold you.”

“What?! David, no!” You whined and looked around, looking for the camera. “You don’t even have a camera, what? No! No wild animals! I still have nightmares because of the roaches and the scorpions.”

David laughed. “It’s none of that I promise, don’t you trust me?”

“No.” You blatantly said and the both of you laughed. “Fine, but if it’s something gross I’m going to kick you in the balls.”

“That’s oddly specific. Okay. Come on.” David said as you turned around and he blindfolded you.

Carefully, he helped you get inside the house, positioning you in the middle of the room. All cameras and phones were on you. “Okay, on 3 you can take the blindfold off. 1… 2… 3… go!”

The second that you took it off, everybody yelled “Happy Birthday!!” and popped a bunch of confetti sticks, shooting you with silly string, sour cream and bottled cheese.

“What the fuck?!?! It’s not even my birthday, David!!” You screamed, your eyes closed because there was so much silly string on your face. Everybody just laughed out loud and Corinna came to your rescue with baby wipes to help you regain your sight.

You looked around, seeing everybody and looking at the decoration. “You guys did this all for me? It really isn’t my birthday though, so I feel bad.” You were getting emotional.

“But it is your half birthday!” Natalie popped another confetti.

You did an “O” face. “Of course, I should’ve seen this coming.” You threw one hand up in the air, defeated. “I hate all of you,” You cleaned the tears from your eyes.

“God dammit,” Jeff paid David 50 bucks.

The party went on, you cleaned yourself and said hi to all of your friends, hugging everybody, taking pictures, having drinks and enjoying the night as the center of attention.

#david dobrik #david dobrik fluff #david dobrik one shot #david dobrik fanfic #vlog squad #vlog squad imagines #vlog squad imagine #vlog squad fluff #todd smith #corinna kopf #jeff wittek #zane #heath #david dobrik imagines #david dobrik imagine #request

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krreader · 5 years

Text

someone you loved | chapter 2.

pairing: park jimin x reader fandom: bts warnings: childhood sweethearts!au ; language genre: angst ; smut ; fluff previous: 1

summary: when you were a little girl you had always assumed that he would be by your side forever, that you would marry him when you’d get older and start your own family when you were ready.. but how many people are actually lucky enough to end up with their childhood sweetheart?

a/n: two jimin story updates in two days, jimin stans, how are we feeling?????? (also, do you know how long I wanted to write a story where I’m including mental health and how important it is like that? A G E S. so I’m super excited)

Working Out.

Dance Practice.

Lunch.

Meetings.

Dance Practice.

Vocal Lesson.

Multiply these things by around 365, almost each day of the year and you have Jimin's current schedule.

Sure, these things chance, mostly when they have comebacks, then it's even more intense, or when they're on tour, then that obviously comes first, but apart from that, it's mostly the same.

Last year, he was able to count the amount of times he's seen his family on one hand.

This year, so far, they've only seen each other through FaceTime.

He missed them.

Terribly.

His parents, his family in general, his friends.. home.

“How are things?” he asked, pulling up the blanket higher to his chin, his eyes heavy from sleep, but still wanting to talk to his mother for a little bit.

“The same as usual.. nothing much has happened.. it never really does,” but it did.

However, she didn't want to tell him that.

She hasn't brought you up once, not after you two had ended the way that you had.

You've moved to Seoul and she was afraid that he might run into you.. so.. should she say something?

“That's good,” Jimin yawned, “Very good.”

But as she watched her boy fall asleep, she couldn't bring herself to bring up the one he once loved.. the one that she knew was still on his mind every now and then, even though Jimin never mentioned you either.

But sometimes.. sometimes he seemed to remember you or a certain thing would remind him of you when they were seeing him or talking to him and he'd get all quiet.

His mother doubted that Jimin ever opened up about that part of his life.

It was like it was hidden deep inside of him, chains wrapped around it so tightly so that nobody could see that part of him that he so desperately wished he could forget, but at the same time, not.

Because forgetting it meant forgetting you.

And despite of everything, he didn't want that.

So his mother just hoped that fate wasn't so cruel as to have you two run into each other again..

But lately Jimin had been feeling better. It seemed as if the more years passed, the easier it was getting for him. Or maybe he was just really good at pretending and nobody noticed his struggles he had about dealing with the past..

“Hyung what are you doing?” Jimin shook his head as he watched Hoseok desperately trying to fix his hair and do something to it that he usually never did.

“She told her friends that she likes men who have hair like that..”

“And she also told her friends that she liked men who wore certain types of clothes, the same exact clothes that you were. And she also told her friends that she likes a certain type of perfume, the same exact perfume that you wear now,” Jimin sighed heavily and got up, taking the hairbrush out of Hoseok's hand, “Be yourself, Hyung. Everyone else is already taken.”

Instead of thinking about the words, Hobi just narrowed his eyes at Jimin, “Since when did you become a fan of poetry? Did you steal one of Namjoonie's books?”

Jimin laughed when Hoseok ruffled his hair, but it was fake, because no, he did not.

“Just.. be yourself. Everyone else is already taken,” you had said to him when he once had tried to be someone else to fit in.

“Where's that from?” Jimin had asked, wiping away his tears.

“Oscar Wilde. He's pretty cool, actually. Says some stuff that is really inspiring,” you pushed away his hands and wiped the tears away for him, “So listen to him. There is only one Park Jimin that is you and you don't have to change to be someone you're not just to fit in. You're you, Jimin and that's amazing. Don't take on the role of somebody else, because that’s not necessary.”

You had always said stuff like that.

Stuff that inspired him, that made him want to be better, that made him see reason and that made him be a better man.

He missed that a lot.

Namjoon was great, he helped a lot, but he couldn't quite reach your level of understanding that you've had of him.

You somehow always knew what to say to make him happy again or to help him.

He'd be forever grateful about that.

“Okay,” Hoseok sighed, pulling Jimin out of his memories, “I'll just take another shower then and.. put on my clothes and do my hair the way I want to.”

“Perfect,” Jimin gave him two big thumbs up as Hoseok left the bedroom.

But once he was gone, Jimin was left alone with his thoughts again.

Truth be told, he managed to push the memories of you away for the most part, mostly because of how busy he was.

But they were allowed a few days off and those days were the worst when it came to remembering the past.

He hesitantly reached for his phone on his bed and opened up the Instagram app, typing in your name in the search bar like so many other times before, only to delete it before he could see your face pop up.

“What are you doing,” he muttered to himself, sitting down and shaking his head, “Don't do this to yourself..”

There was a reason he never asked his family about you.

There was a reason he always made sure to visit when he was sure he wouldn't run into you.

Because he was afraid of what he might see or hear..

You were the most beautiful woman he'd ever met, he'd be surprised if you weren't married and had three kids already.

And seeing you like that.. no.. he wouldn't be able to handle that.

Because then he'd be reminded that it was his fault that it wasn't him that was married to you and that it wasn't him that you could call the father of your children.

His one regret..

..and his biggest.

Hoseok had been waiting at this restaurant for over thirty minutes now and from the looks of it, she stood him up.

Him.

Jung Hoseok.

Sure, she was an idol too and probably just as popular as him, but.. come on..

Thankfully nobody noticed that it was him, probably because of his.. not so revealing outfit, including face mask and the hat that he wore, otherwise this would have been very problematic.

Still, he'd have a word with her after tonight.

She didn't want to go on a date with him anymore? Fine, but she needed to handle this privately and not like that.

“You look as depressed as the waiter does after a five hour shift,” you chuckled to his right.

Hoseok looked up in surprise, finding you reading a book, also on your own.

“How can you tell?”

“I'm good with people.. I can tell when they're feeling bad,” you closed the book, “Or maybe that's because I'm a therapist, I don't know.”

“You're a therapist?”

“Yeah.. just moved here, actually. I bought an office here and want to start treating patients there. I heard Seoul might need a few more therapists who actually take people with mental health problems seriously. I heard they’re lacking those.”

Hoseok didn't usually talk to strangers, but what you just said got him intrigued, because.. he agreed.

Wholeheartedly.

“Do you.. have a card?”

“So.. you don't just look depressed, you actually are depressed?” you immediately fished out a card and handed it to him, “If so, please do call me.”

“It's not for me.. well.. I don't know actually,” to be fair, the entirety of Bangtan was sometimes struggling. And because none of them were comfortable enough to talk to any of the managers/staff members about it, might as well use this opportunity now and handle this privately if the need ever arose.

“Just give me a call.. you or whoever needs it. That's why I'm here after all,” you smiled sincerely at him, “And now.. tell me.. would you like to have dinner with me instead? I'd love to have some company and I feel like it might make your night a little.. less shitty. See it as a sample of the kind of therapy that I’d give you,” you chuckled once more.

Hoseok should say no, but there was also a part of him that just said: fuck it.

He was stood up, you were a therapist and he could use someone like you to talk to right about now.

So he did switch seats.

“I'm (Y/N), by the way. Or you can just call me Doc.. since I did put all my money and time into that title.”

Hoseok chuckled, “It's a pleasure to meat you, (Y/N). I'm Hoseok.”

He didn't take off his mask, neither his cap that night.

So you had no idea who you had talked to and he had no idea who he had talked to either, not that he’d know you other than a therapist that he might actually call to make an actual appointment.

But if you had known who he was..

..you would have thought twice about talking to him.

#bts imagine #bts x reader #park jimin imagine #park jimin x reader #jimin x reader #jimin imagine #park jimin #jimin #bts #bangtan sonyeondan #bangtan #reader #requests

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