#everythings in a bad state and i hate it !! let gay people be happy !! fuck !! (affectionate)

[mixelation]

some itachi + romance meta for reborn au ->

so, my personal headcanon for itachi is that he has a lot of little idle romantic fantasies about a nondescript fantasy partner, but it takes a pretty big push for him to go "oh, i love this person." he's open to sex if his partner wants it, but he doesn't really care about it otherwise. in other words, he'd be into a romantic partner if he happened upon one (and, like, he didn't have four thousand other high-priority problems the relationship would be incompatible with), but he's not actively looking and he doesn't really need one to be happy.

in an AU where the massacre didn't happen, I think he'd be open to dating. but in mutagenicity, he DID live through the massacre and being in akatsuki, and he IS mentally 20+ years older than he looks, and oh my god, please don't make him talk to children. especially uchiha children he killed in previous life. please.

i don't think all ninja clans necessarily cling to old fashioned traditions about marriage and bloodlines, but i like the idea of some of them hanging around for Shenanigans. like no one would really care if itachi were gay, as long as he quietly kept his boyfriend as a boyfriend and married someone capable of childbirth and made that new heir. they don't even care if the heir is female! progress :)

but also itachi has a mysterious genetic disease so they're like. hmm yeah okay you may marry outside of the clan. (desperately start researching if there's some sort of Test for sharigan babies)

mikoto has of course Noticed itachi just like.... isn't interested? in even talking to other teens?? so she wants to get him started kind of early. listen itachi, marriage will be SO much easier if you've dated your bride and figured out someone you actually like. also if you don't find one i will simply find one for you at some certain age and you will have no say in the matter.

the first few times she sends him on dates she just socially manipulates a situation where somehow he ends up alone with a girl mikoto likes. the girl is almost always very accomplished for her age, polite, pretty. literally nothing is wrong with her except she's 16 and itachi hates strangers. like, he's fine with them. he can put on a smile and be polite for a limited amount of time. but Inner Itachi is so fucking mean and fucked up, getting socially close to people almost always makes them hate him (for valid reasons) and then also his date is 16. so mikoto keeps putting him in a position where he's inevitably going to make a poor teenaged girl cry because he told her she'll never get promoted to jounin because her mission completion rate is mediocre, which he does often feel bad about, but also he cannot do anything about his horrible personality and cannot help himself. and then even if he likes her, what is he supposed to do? be like "yeah i'm just going to tell you my opinion and it will come out blunt and mean and also i'll be right and refuse to apologize, it's because of my deeply fucked up past life where the state told me i had to pick between murdering my entire family or letting my family destroy everything i care about, sorry about that." no! obviously he can't do that!!!

and his feelings about mikoto in general just, like, insane. she had her hand in supporting the coup in his previous life, but she raised him and loved him, but also she let him kill her so he'd see it in his nightmares constantly, and this mikoto didn't do any of that but he still sees her in his dreams and she is EQUALLY socially manipulative in this timeline, and honestly this is sort of making his feelings about her even more insane, but obviously he can't talk to her about it. so he needs to figure out way to dodge this whole dating situation in order to avoid uchiha massacre #2

so one day he's stealing dango right off tori's plate while she's in the bathroom, and he's like. holy fuck. tori is a girl, and she's not even going to get upset i'm about to do this to her. and then she comes back and is like "why the fuck did you steal my food" and he tells her it's because she did a disproportionately low amount of substandard work on the mission and hence deserves less of the mission budget. and she DOES rub the inside of his sleeping bag down with poison ivy but she also doesn't fucking cry.

itachi, flipping his sleeping bag inside out: perfect. we're dating now. <3

tori is NOT mikoto's top pick because she's a wild card and not the easily controlled nice girl mikoto was aiming for, but. at least itachi seems to actually like her? and she hasn't come crying to mikoto about how her son horrible yet, so. she's even got a decent amount of social clout for (checks note) a defector from another village who seems to go out of her way to be annoying and unlikable. mikoto isn't really thrilled but she backs off

dating is basically nothing like itachi's idle fantasies because tori is also deeply messed up, and also itachi spent a VERY long time in the other timeline convinced she was going to blab his secrets and Ruin Everything and he really wanted to kill her, but also that DID translate into a weird sort of respect pretty early on in this timeline, and they can have actual conversations about stuff. she helped him kill danzo, no questions asked. they like watching bad movies and dragging them to pieces together. she willingly reads his favorite book. they say mean shit to each other and it's fine because they've mutually accepted the other is just like this. it's comfortable. also pointing tori'a ability to ruin everything for everyone is so nice when pointed at someone itachi doesn't like

so even once itachi is old enough he can date Actual Adults, tori is like, "hey are you going to break up with me?" and he's like, "........no?" and she's like "okay." and they move in together and have separate bedrooms and tori attempts to kill him at least twice over burning food so bad it won't come off the pot, but it's comfortable and they're both happy

(and also itachi realizes tori fucking loves going along with bits, so if he tells her he wants to do some stupid romantic thing, she will just go along with it and have fun. wild)

i think they get married kind of late For The Setting (like very late twenties) because it takes tori years to figure out their illegal test tube baby and they just don't really see the point without the baby. mikoto finds this immensely frustrating. but at least they're on the same page, even if it's the WRONG PAGE

#reborn au

[whymori]

Your Drithen and Idarus tag is absolutely normal feel free to talk about them in a totalllyyyy normal way

Holy shit. I will.

So basically the overview of Drithen and Idarus in the main Zorith story is that Idarus is the revered God of Zorith, and Drithen is Its prophet. Things are very different to what they seem though because Idarus is a CUNT. For hundreds of years maybe since Zoriths creation it’s been gaining power off of the struggles and deaths of those around Zorith (It is a god of doom and deceit)

Anyway yada yada yada every god that sends down prophecies needs a prophet, and Idarus has had MANY. But since It can’t let the whole actually I’m a dick thing get revealed it just kinda. Controls Its prophets. Like a puppet. Think ratatouille but weirder.

Drithen (full name Drithen Zerades) fucking hated their life SO BAD before becoming the prophet (their family was a line of nobles close to the royal family, and Drithen had a ton of expectations on them due to this (mainly having children to continue the family line. Weird.)) so when they started having fucked up dreams and eventually got called to meet THE PROPHET they honestly were a little stoked.

They got a lot less stoked though when it was said that they were the next prophet, and that their old life would never return again. And then they got EVEN LESS STOKED when during the initiation ritual to exchange the mantle, Idarus revealed Itself, revealed what It was, and then physically appeared in the real world out of the old Prophet and blinded Drithen because you really cannot stare directly at Gods (after this their vision is similar to someone with like. Really bad cataracts. Still partial vision, but they are definitely considered blind)

So anyway all that happens Drithen is the Prophet now yayyyyy they should be totally dead. Like not in control at all probably not even conscious anymore. But uh no, pookie is still in there still in control. Motor functions in tact. This honestly means nothing for Idarus but as you could imagine this means EVERYTHING to Drithen.

Anyway now Drithen is in an undying state for around 70-80 years not sure exactly how long tbh I can’t be assed to decide exactly. It’s a LONG TIME THOUGH, and when your only company is the God of your kingdom that is able to directly control you and dish out sick bars (prophecies) into your mind to tell the kingdom, you’d probably talk to it once or twice (many times)

Issue occurs: they’re unhealthily gay towards God now. Even bigger issue: God is unhealthily gay towards them back.

Anyway they hold hands and kiss and have romantic dinners (sit next to each other because neither of them can eat) or whatever idk I’m homophobic but only to those two. Then Idarus comes up with the whole Casso and Ecith plan that totally could never fail and will make It stronger than anyone could ever imagine, Drithen spits the bars to Zorith and then is like “wow since this is going to make you insanely strong you don’t need little old (over 100 years old stop) me anymore. Please let me rest my pookiebear.”

Idarus promises to Drithen that It will simply resurrect them once it becomes the most powerful being this side of the whole fucking planet and then Drithen DIES. FOR THE SECOND TIME.

And instead of rest they get LIMBO ‼️‼️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️☝️☝️☝️🔥🔥🔥🙏🙏🙏 WOOOOOOOOO WE LOVE PROPHECY LIMBO

Then some unimportant things happen (cough. Practically all of Casso and Eciths story) idc idc gay people or something and Ecith winds up also in LIMBOOOOO ‼️‼️‼️🙏🙏🙏🎉🎉🎉💪💪💪🗣️🗣️🗣️

Drithen is so happy (mildly interested) that there’s finally someone else in this creepy ass fucked up mirror version of Zorith (limbo is weird alr) and is like “ohhhh your one of the gay people Idarus made up. Wdym we’re going to kill Idarus. Who is Casso??” And then they do everything in their power to help Ecith find a way to kill Idarus. This takes another 25 years so our guy is like 175 or smth by now but uhh yea eventually everything is lining up and Drithen calls in Idarus to limbo (which It had zero idea even existed. Fucking loser what a moron) promptly DIES. FOR THE THIRD TIME

It’s fine though because Idarus’ fate is sealed by two different gay people and IT DIES. YAYYYYYY

Anyway Ecith comes back to life when limbo collapses (limbo was a part of Idarus even if It wasn’t aware. So when It died limbo died) but so does Drithen 💀 They CANNOT have peace. Anyway their fate is undecided rn they’re either going to just. Become a person again or alternatively I’m going to ruin them for eternity by making them Idarus’ successor.

Now you might be thinking “this isn’t at all romantic what are you yapping about???” But you have to understand that Drithen and Idarus’ love language is literally killing each other. One must imagine Drithen and Idarus setting traps for each other like Tom and Jerry. Drithen and Idarus missed each other every day when Drithen died and they also simultaneously hate each other. If all stakes were removed and Drithen and Idarus were just normal people they would be in the healthiest relationship known to man. They would (and did in Drithens case) die in each others arms. I’m normal I’m the most normal guy ever thank you 👍

God do I even want to post this holy shit

#Drithen #Drithen and Idarus #original post #Idarus #Casso and Ecith #<- they were mentioned ig. god they are another can of worms too holy balls #I’m spinning Drithen and Idarus in my head always and forever fyi

[methydcox]

I Like Her

Jankie (Jackie Centric): Inspired by “You Might Not Like Her” by Maddie Zahm 

TW: homophobia (internalized and religious) and eating disorders (only one line or two)

Summary/Excerpt: “I’m me and… I like me. I like women. I like Jan… and that’s okay. I like that about me…”

If you would've told me I'd throw away my purity ring in the middle of an airport

My younger self would laugh, would never believe that

It's against everything that we stood for

She'd hate that I've smoked weed and cussed frequently

And she'd try to convert everyone I call a bestie

You'll throw shots in the dark and blackout at a bar

There'll be good and there will be bad parts

Jackie stared at her hand, the tan line of her purity ring slowly disappearing. She had just recently thrown it away when she returned from visiting her parents. She didn’t believe that it described her anymore, and she no longer wanted to be associated with something that usually had a bad representation. 

The ring symbolized the girl that was pristine and obedient like her parents wanted her to be. The ring was more than just saving herself for marriage, but it meant that she would blindly accept her parents’ faith and beliefs with no questions asked. 

Jackie ran her finger over the tan line and thought about how much her life had changed in the past weeks. Her friends were completely different than what she would ever imagined. They were rambunctious and unapologetically themselves. They were everything that Jackie used to want to be. She wanted to be careless and fuck up. She wanted to get so drunk that she wouldn’t remember what happened the next morning. To get so high that she felt like she wasn’t in her body. Jackie wanted to be the person she used to hate. 

Someday you'll kiss a girl and you'll panic

Some guy'll break your heart and you'll feel manic

Then you'll learn to let people have their opinions

And talk about your traumas and like the body you live in

Someday you'll learn to keep your own secrets

Say you're doing okay and really mean it

You'll lose your faith a bit and question if she's you

For a while, you might not like her, but I do

She turned over in her bed and stared at the framed photo on her nightstand. She grabbed the gold frame and ran her finger over the glass. Her breathing paused for a moment as she stared at the beautiful brunette that had her arms around her. “Jan,” Jackie whispered to herself. 

Jan had turned Jackie’s life upside down. From the moment they met in class, Jackie knew that she was into Jan. Yet, she wouldn’t allow herself to believe it. She wouldn’t like when her mind wandered to holding Jan’s hand or kissing her. Jackie forced her heart to stop pounding, untied the knots in her stomach, and dried the sweat that formed in her palms. 

But then she couldn’t get Jan off her mind. She thought of her as soon as she woke up, while she was brushing her teeth, eating lunch, everywhere. She couldn’t get Jan off of her mind. Jan had infiltrated her space -both mental and physical-, and Jackie was not happy with how her body reacted to it. 

Jackie never told anyone about her crush on Jan. Even though she was sure it wouldn’t happen, she was afraid her parents would find out and disown her. They never seemed accepting of the LGBTQ+ community, and she knew this because the church consistently talked about how being gay was wrong and that everyone who was gay would not join them in the afterlife. 

Knowing that she wouldn’t be accepted, it was easy for her to denounce the religion. However, she lied to her parents whenever they asked her about it. Although she wanted to stand up for herself and be completely clear about her religious state, she was also worried that her parents wouldn’t understand why she left–they had blindly followed the religion since they had been born. 

Some days feel like whiplash

One eighties, and you'll hate that

You'll label yourself just to take it back

Convinced you're not bi cause you're way too into guys

And the first time you have sex, you'll cry

You'll sometimes skip meals and numb how you feel

And you'll miss the old you, but here's the deal

That good girl you were was really fucking bad at being real

The transitional period she was going through was more confusing than not. Some days she would find herself loving the new person she was, and then the next morning she could barely drag herself out of bed because of who she was. She went through every label, trying to discover which one described how she felt. Jackie took online quizzes and read many articles to find herself. At the beginning of finding herself, she didn’t think she was anything but straight. She had been infatuated with her past boyfriend. Jackie didn’t think she could love a guy so hard and also love women. 

Jackie set the photo back down on her nightstand, turning back over to her back to stare at her ceiling once again. Her eyes filled with tears as she continued to think about how different she was. She no longer had her purity ring. No longer believed in religion. She was at a healthy weight. She was no longer restricting herself to focus on something besides her sexuality. Jackie was close to being happy. She just needed to allow herself to be unapologetically herself. Younger Jackie thought she was being real and authentic, but now that she looked back on it, Jackie was being the version of herself her parents wanted. 

Someday you'll kiss a girl and you'll panic

Some guy'll break your heart and you'll feel manic

Then you'll learn to let people have their opinions

And talk about your traumas and like the body you live in

Someday you'll learn to keep your own secrets

Say you're doing okay and really mean it

You'll lose your faith a bit and question if she's you

And for a while, you might not like her, but I do

Jan had kissed her. Just an hour before now. She was leaving Jackie’s place with the rest of their friends when she stayed back a moment to kiss Jackie. Jackie moved her fingers to touch her lips, wishing she could feel Jan’s against hers again. Her hands traveled to her shoulders, where Jan placed hers during the intimate moment. When the kiss was over, Jan gently smiled and left the home, leaving the ball in Jackie’s court. It’s what sent Jackie into a spiral. She panicked. It became entirely too real, in that moment, that she liked women.

It was a complete contrast of how she felt when she and her ex-boyfriend had kissed or even when she had sex for the first time. “Did I love him?” Jackie whispered to herself as her tears fell down the sides of her face. She did feel love for him, but when it came to being intimate with him, it didn’t feel how it felt with Jan. Her heart never skipped a beat, her eyes never became glossy when she saw him, and she had never felt the pulse between her legs with him. 

When he broke up with her, she was crushed. She begged him to try and make the long distance work, but he told her that he didn’t think it would be worth it. Her heart had been smashed by a hammer and broken into a million pieces, but now she wondered if it was because she loved him or because she was single and had to figure things out. 

Woah, woah

You might not like her, you might not like her

Woah, woah

You might not like her, you might not like her

“I don’t care,” she mumbled to herself and sat up in her bed. Jackie stood in front of her mirror. “I don’t care what other people think. Who cares what my parents think? Or what their religion thinks?” Jackie wiped her tears away from her cheeks. “I’m me and… I like me. I like women. I like Jan… and that’s okay. I like that about me…” She began telling her reflection, tears flowing down her face. “I like who I’ve become.” She bit her bottom lip as she grabbed her phone from the dresser and texted Jan. Her hands shook as she anxiously typed a message. Jackie sent it before she psyched herself out. 

[Jackie] 12:21am: Hey, Jan. Can I take you out for lunch soon? I have something to tell you.

She knew that it was around ten a.m. where her parents were currently at, so even with her emotional state, she dialed her mother up. 

Someday you'll think you disappoint your parents

But they'll love you not despite, but regardless

Then you'll learn to let people have shitty opinions

And talk about your traumas and like the body you live in

“Mom? Is Dad around? I need to tell you something.” Her chest tightened as she began to explain to her parents. They didn’t take it too well, but they also told her that they still loved her regardless. 

“I still love you, Jacqueline,” her mom spoke. 

Someday you'll learn to keep your own secrets

Say you're doing okay and really mean it

You'll lose your faith a bit and question if she's you

And for a while, you might not like her, but I do

That’s when Jackie knew. She liked this new version of herself.

A/N: as pride month comes to an end, i needed to write a fic to the song that helped me come out to my best friend :) i saw myself as jackie in this fic, although i have not been as brave as her and told my parents. but this fic and song means so much to me, so i hope you enjoyed! sorry it's not romancey hehe.

#jackie cox #jan sport #just jan #rpdr #methydcox writes

[ars0nism]

unstoppable force (gay people) vs immovable object ("run away with me" but it never actually happens trope)

#okay okay okay #most of these are canon btw hold up #our flag means death #the magnus archives #good omens #the penumbra podcast #im going insane who else i know theres more #what we do in the shadows #the witcher TECHNICALLY counts but its the least canon #as in the only one thats not either explicitly canon or like. theres still hope for #i probably forgot something but this is like. my specific niche #both for the 'run away with me' 'you know i cant' and the 'run away with me' 'okay!!' and then one of them LEAVES JUNO IM STILL MAD- #and ofc the 'run away with me' 'fuck yeah' and then the second one gets KIDNAPPED ??? fuck #im so horribly in pain literally only good omens is in like a canonical good state right now #if theres any drama between aziraphale & crowley in s2 that makes them split up i will actually be so upset #everythings in a bad state and i hate it !! let gay people be happy !! fuck !! (affectionate) #technically the running away together thing did happen in tpp but like. an entire season later so it counts #feel free to add on others or whatever yk #special shoutout to nightvale for being the only piece of media ive consumed in the past. month?? two months?? where this didnt happen

[bestiesenpai]

youtuber Sukuna

I beg you to read the shitposts I made about this, they are delicious. You don’t have to of course but...if you loved me you would :) s/n = screen name, and I hope you chuckle at Sukunas screen name

Content warning: uhmhm lowkey incel shit(mean internet comments and whatnot)

part two --- part 3

Name: Sukuna. Age: 25. Height: 6 foot 5 inches. Occupation: toxic Youtuber, fitness trainer and hot guy.

Sukuna wasn’t exactly known for being kind. He wasn’t nice to others, rarely having anything good to say about anyone, and he’d made a successful Youtube career out of it. First starting as a fitness trainer at his gym, through encouragement from his clients and the notion of a quick cash grab, he started Youtube.

He didn’t care about it and that reflected in the quality of his videos and editing. He didn’t have consistent uploads, just filming and posting videos whenever he wanted, analytics be fucked. But somehow, that worked out for him, and he quickly found himself with over two million subscribers just frothing at the mouth for his next video.

And those subscribers were some of the worst people. Sukuna didn’t care about fostering a safe space online for others, not in the slightest. His comment sections were atrocious, both on his Youtube and his Instagram. It was full of toxic men one-upping each other constantly and dragging on each other for not being able to work out as much as Sukuna did.

Sukuna was a large part of why his fanbase were so toxic. He himself often made bad comments about others, whether fellow creators or people that happened to appear in the backgrounds of his videos, and on more than one occasion he’d been ‘cancelled’. None of that mattered though, all he cared about was shitting on other people and making money.

Sometimes he played video games and posted it, but not too often. Sukuna often stated he wasn’t so much of a fucking lonely loser that he’d play video games all the time, and so the gaming videos he did post were few and far between. He played angry shooter games and GTA, mindless button clicking he could get lost in for a few hours for a video.

Laying in bed one night after uploading his most recent video, one where he rages at 12 year olds on GTA online, Sukuna was just scrolling through his phone mindlessly. After he uploads video game content, like clockwork, he gets recommendations for gaming channels. He only watches a few of them, mostly leaving mean comments saying what losers they are, but one catches his eye.

He’s never been recommended this kind of video before. The thumbnail is light and bright with some pink aesthetic lights in the back. But the most enticing thing is the person in the middle, cute pink cat ear headphones on and a bright smile.

“Let’s see…” Sukuna mumbles to himself, mindlessly clicking the video. He hasn’t even read the title, he only clicked it because they were cute, and here he is nearly blinded by the bright setup they have.

“Hi everyone, it’s (Y/N) here and I’m really excited today! We’re going to be playing this new game I found!” Sukuna is immediately enraptured by the sound of your voice, watching how your face changes as you talk. His eyes drift off to the decor behind you, cute plushies and healthy plants, and some twinkling fairy lights. There’s books as well, and your chair is one of those ergonomic gamer chairs he has as well but in pink.

Sukuna watches the video dumbly, totally in the dark about whatever you’re doing, but loving it all the same. All he knows is that he likes the sound of your voice, and when you laugh and smile at a funny part in the game, it makes a light flush come to his cheeks.

It only takes one video for Sukuna to spiral into more of your content. He watches a video on your gaming setup, and he’s surprised that so much technology can come in pink. He watches a video on how you edit, a few of you cooking in your kitchen, and even a few vlog videos.

He quickly subscribes to your channel, and when you plug your social media, he immediately goes there. Pulling up your Instagram, he stares at your profile picture and almost audibly coos at you for being cute.

Your profile is just as cute as your videos are and Sukuna barely remembers to follow you before he’s going through your whole feed, liking every picture he sees. Sometimes he leaves comments, only one word though, ‘cute’. He’s never liked something so outright cute before, it wasn’t who he was and it definitely didn’t fit with his brand.

Falling asleep after following you on every platform, Sukuna wakes up thinking about you as well. And he also wakes up to hundreds of comments from all his accounts, bombarding him with questions and screenshots from last night.

‘SUKUNA WHY WOULD YOU LIKE THIS SHIT?!’

‘OMG Sukuna liked (Y/N)s posts!!’

‘Sukuna is so gross and toxic, you better stay away from (Y/N)!’

‘SUKUNA YOU GAY NOW’

‘EW why the fuck do you like this bitch?’

There were hundreds of comments that he waded through. Most were from his fans, expressing disgust at how many photos of yours he’d liked and wondering why he, Sukuna, most heterosexual alpha male on the planet, would like a pretty in pink Youtuber who had bubbly intros and whined when their animal crossing villagers wanted to move away.

Other comments were from your fans, some in awe that he would like you considering how much he said he hated overly cute things. Other fans expressed concern, worried what this might mean for their favorite Youtuber. Did Sukuna want to cause problems, potentially hurting you? He did have a reputation of bullying others, so this wasn’t far fetched.

Checking your Instagram, you didn’t make any comment about it. There wasn’t any update or anything, but on his end he was being tagged in endless Twitter threads with screenshots of him liking your posts and commenting under them.

“For fucks sake.” He grunted, clenching his phone in his hands. The amount of notifications he was getting were starting to upset him and he nearly threw his phone to get them to stop.

Ignoring his phone for the rest of the day, Sukuna went to the gym like he always did and trained with his clients. Some of them brought it up to him, asking him if he had a mind break last night and forgot what he was doing. Sending them harsh glares, Sukuna refused to talk about it.

“Oh my fucking god.” Sukuna nearly wailed when he got home, finally checking his phone. His name and yours had begun trending, and the hashtag #protect(Y/N) was also. Muttering angrily under his breath, Sukuna turned on Instagram live.

“Okay what the fuck!” He shouted, seeing the live become instantly flooded with people all screaming about you and him. “You’re all fucking annoying, you know that?” Glaring harshly at the camera, he read some of the comments that went by.

‘WHY’D YOU LIKE (Y/N)S POSTS FROM 2017’

‘Are you two secretly dating??’

‘COLLAB!’

“Who gives a shit why I liked their stuff, you’re a fucking weirdo for keeping track of me. And we aren’t secretly dating, dipshits.” Rolling his eyes, Sukuna scoffed as more comments came in begging for a collaboration. “And think about it you morons, why would we collab? Our shit is too fucking different, what would we even film about?”

Sukuna stayed on Instagram live for nearly an hour answering questions asking about you. Every time he had to answer that you weren’t secretly dating, he got a little more annoyed. Not at the comments themselves but at the fact that it was true; you didn’t even know he existed.

Ending the live in a huff, Sukuna didn’t feel any better than before, and it was made even worse by the fact that everything he said was being relayed to Twitter, and you were tagged in every tweet.

“These idiots!” Staring at his phone, Sukuna couldn’t believe what he was seeing. On your Instagram stories, you’d posted a q&a for your followers, and nearly all of the comments were about Sukuna.

“Hi everyone! No, me and Sukuna aren’t dating!” You said, laughing a little to ease how uncomfortable you were. “To be honest, I’ve never even heard of him before! As you know, my content is very...different from his, so our circles don’t exactly intersect. But I’m always happy to have new followers and potential friends!”

“Fuck me.” Sukuna groaned, cringing at how uncomfortable you looked having to address the sudden onslaught of questions. For once he wished he’d actually given a shit about his online presence, so that maybe one day your circles could intersect. He knew he scared you, he scared a lot of people, and this was just proof.

“Uh, Sukuna if you see this, hi it’s nice to meet you!” You said in the next slide, puffing out your cheeks and waving cutely at the camera. It made Sukuna blush, and he hated it. “Thank you for following me and liking my content! I was very surprised that you found me!”

“Of course I did, idiot, you’re fucking cute.” He muttered under his breath.

“I know a lot of people are asking for us to do a video together and I know our content is really different, so don’t feel pressured to respond or anything, but the offer is open! If you’d like, we can collab on something.”

“On what?” He asked like you were there.

“I cook sometimes, and I know you cook too! Maybe we can make a cooking video? You can teach me how to make healthy food or something!” Sukuna could tell a fake laugh when he heard one, and you definitely had one right now. “Anyways, thank you! Bye Sukuna!” But hearing you say his name cutely like that made him not care.

He nearly responded right away, accepting the collab offer now that you’d spoken about it, but he didn’t want to seem desperate. He watched through the rest of your Instagram stories, going back and replaying the parts where you talked about him over and over and his heart clenched every time when you said his name.

In the dead of night, Sukuna DM’s you after watching your latest video and leaving the simple comment ‘check your DM’s’.

“Fuck, what should I say?” He’s suddenly stumped as he looks at the keyboard. Typing and retyping a message, in the end all he can say is hi. He doesn’t expect a reply, ever, but when he gets a vibration on his phone two seconds later he jumps to read it.

(S/N): hi Sukuna! :)

(cursedgod): hey

Real fucking smart, repeating what he just said.

(S/N): is there something you wanted to talk to me about?

(S/N): I hope you haven’t been annoyed at all the notifications you’ve been getting!

(cursedgod): No it’s okay

(cursedgod): we can collab if you want

Good Sukuna, good. Play it cool, don’t let them know that your fingers are actually trembling because you’re nervous.

(S/N): do you want to?? I don’t want to pressure you! I know we’re pretty different haha

(cursedgod): yeah, let's do it. Cooking?

(S/N): sure!

Looking around his home, he was suddenly assaulted with the fact that he didn’t have any furniture. He barely had a proper bedroom, just a mattress on a bare frame and a dresser. His lounge room was the same with his computer setup in one corner and then nothing else. There was only a couch, a mounted TV and a fold out table and chairs for his dining room.

(cursedgod): I know a studio kitchen we can use, I’ll send you the address

Thank god he’d done promo work for a brand in a studio one day, otherwise he’d be fucked.

(S/N): awesome! I’m free next Saturday!

And just like that, it was a date. Well, a meeting. Sukuna knew it wasn’t a date, but his heart still thumped like it was one. Confirming the time, he ended the conversation with a curt goodbye and obsessed about it throughout the night.

When the day to meet you came, Sukuna nearly ran late trying to pick out his clothes. He’d never cared about looking good or presenting himself well in front of others, whatever version of him he turned up in was what they got. But for you, he wanted to try a little harder.

Waiting outside the studio space, Sukuna rubbed his hands together nervously. You’d messaged a day or two ago offering to put the video on your channel since it probably wouldn’t fit his aesthetic, so he didn’t have to bring his shitty camera equipment.

“S-sukuna?” Snapping his head up, Sukunas mouth fell open looking at your curious face a few feet away, an Uber driving off behind you. You were even cuter in person, just his fucking luck. How was he expected to act like a normal person when his recent obsession was here looking better than he could have imagined.

“Hi.” What comes out is a grunt, not the smooth word he’d hoped. He can see you eyeing him up, taking in all the thick and corded muscles of his body. It made his chest puff out a little, he worked hard for this physique and to have you so openly looking at him made him happy.

“It’s nice to meet you!” Sticking your hand out, you smiled politely at him.

“Same.” Shaking your hand with a firm grip, Sukuna could feel the difference in your palms. Yours was soft and nicely moisturized and he had callouses everywhere and a few cuts and scrapes.

Opening the door for you, Sukuna led you to the studio space he’d rented out. It was a clean and modern kitchen, not unlike his own, but it had appliances and looked actually lived in. Helping you set up a few camera angles, Sukuna felt a pang of nerves hit him in the stomach.

“Sukuna, can we take a picture together?” You asked before starting, and Sukunas brow furrowed deeply. Why would you want to take a picture with him? His expression must have scared you, because you quickly backtracked. “F-for promo for this video, on Instagram and stuff!”

“Sure.” God, did he feel bad or what. He shouldn’t have made that face at you, now you wouldn’t look him in the eye. Crouching down to get the right angle for you, Sukuna watched you pick a cute animal filter.

“Just do what I do.” Throwing up a peace sign, you cutely tilted your head from side to side and smiled. Sukuna tried to do the same but he looked awkward, and most of all he was blushing pretty bad.

You snapped a multitude of pictures, some at different angles and some with different filters, and in all of them Sukuna was blushing at least a little. He managed to smile more as it went on, even laughing at one of the filters.

“Thanks! I’m going to post these really quick and then we can get started!” Giving him a brief smile, you turned back to your phone and set about editing some of the pictures. Looking over your shoulder, Sukuna could see that he looked like a blushing high schooler meeting their idol for the first time and not a grown man.

Once the photos were posted and you tagged him in everything, it was time to start. Setting up your marks on the floor, you took a generous drink of water and cleared your throat.

“Are you ready for the intro? I’ll start it and introduce you, okay?” You’d actually prepared a script for yourself, and showed Sukuna as well.

“Okay.” Stepping in front of the camera, Sukuna bristled at feeling you so close to him. Your arm brushed his casually as you were fixing your shirt, and Sukuna was glad he’d worn his most expensive cologne for this.

“Hi everyone, welcome to today's video! As you know, I’m (Y/N), and today we have a special guest today!” Throwing your arms in the air, you motioned to Sukuna.

“Hi.” He nodded, barely cracking a smile. He could feel you looking at him like you wanted to say something, but he didn’t look.

“So, many people have been asking for us to do a collaboration and it’s finally here!” Clapping your hands lightly, you rocked on your heels and nudged his shoulder with yours. “Do you want to tell them what we’ll be doing today?”

“Uh-” The playful nudge you’d given him was enough to make Sukuna short circuit. “I-I-” He suddenly couldn’t remember how to speak. “Rice?”

“Let’s try that again.” You laughed. “Do you want to tell them what we’ll be doing today?” This time, you didn’t nudge him with your shoulder.

“We’re gonna…” the words were on the tip of his tongue, they wanted to come out and be spoken but he couldn’t do it.

“It’s okay, it’s okay!” Nodding reassuringly, you took a deep breath in and out, and Sukuna shakily copied. “One more try?” When he looked at you, Sukuna expected to see a hint of annoyance in your face, but there was none. You were just smiling softly at him, waiting for his answer.

“Yeah. I’ll uh, I’ll get it next time.” Stepping away from the camera, Sukuna took a drink of water and cleared his throat. Cracking the bones in his neck, he took a deep breath and came back. “Let’s do it.” No more fucking embarrassments.

“Do you want to tell them what we’ll be doing today?” You asked for the third time, slightly swaying your body side to side this time.

“We’re gonna make katsudon today.” Finally, the words he wanted to say came out.

“That’s right! As you can see, Sukuna is really fit!” You immediately hopped in, giving his arm a brief squeeze. “And he knows how to make a ton of healthy meals!”

“Mhmm.”

“So I asked if he could help teach me, and all of you at home, how to make it!” Smiling at the camera, you waited a few seconds before relaxing and turning it off. “Did you like that? We can refilm it if you want.”

“No, it’s okay.” Running a hand through his hair, he pointed to the bag of rice he’d brought. “Let’s get started on this shit.”

Taking fifteen minutes to film the two of you filling up the rice cooker, when it was over, you set about getting aesthetic shots of the other ingredients. Sukuna tried to seem casual off to the side on his phone, but he was really watching you.

Getting started on chopping the ingredients, Sukuna somehow managed to say the things he was supposed to without stuttering too badly. He was amazed that you could make the things he was doing sound so interesting, your narration as you held the camera and tried to do things yourself was impressive to the man that barely knew anything about cameras.

“Sukuna, I need help cutting the meat.” You whined, tapping the meat on the cutting board with a knife. “I don’t remember how you showed me.”

“Here.” Without thinking, Sukuan grabbed your hand with the knife in it and moved it for you. “You just have to move your wrist more, it’s not that hard.” Doing it a few times, when Sukuna felt your chest expand with air against his, that’s when he realized how close the two of you were. “S-sorry.” Immediately jumping back, he stared at the floor.

“Thanks!” Giving him a smile, you kept at it.

“I’ll fry the meat.” Stepping in as soon as you were done, Sukuna already had the hot oil ready. He was eager to cook and do something with his hands instead of - what he felt like - was awkwardly watching you off to the side.

“Okay!” Grabbing the camera, you focused on the pan. “You’re really good at this, Sukuna!”

“T-thanks.” Staring directly at the pan, Sukuna didn’t look away. Even with the hot oil popping up from the pan a few times and burning his fingers, he didn’t flinch at all.

“Ow!” But you did. Your hand had gotten too close, and when Sukuna flipped the meat, some of the oil had gotten on your hand.

“Shit.” Abandoning the pan, Sukuna was ready to drag you over to the sink for some cool water.

“I-it’s okay, it was only a little.” Shaking your stinging hand, you point to the food. “But I think the meat might burn.”

“Shit!”

Narrowly avoiding disaster with the meat, when it came time to cook the eggs, you made a joke about how you liked your eggs in the morning and Sukuna burnt them almost immediately. While not an overtly sexual comment, the implications of the words still affected him.

Somehow, he managed to make the dish come together and while his plated dish didn’t come out the best, yours looked at least halfway decent with overcooked meat and burnt eggs. The only things not messed up were the rice and vegetables, and even then Sukuna was surprised.

“We did it everyone, we made katsudon!” Holding up the bowls, you smiled big and nudged Sukunas shoulder again. “You saw we had a few mishaps along the way, but that’s okay, that’s what made it fun.”

“Yeah, it was fun.” Sukuna chuckled. Despite him being more nervous than he’d ever thought possible, he had fun cooking alongside you.

“Sukuna, will you try mine? I made it super pretty and everything.” Holding your dish up to him, Sukuna wasn’t expecting you to do that. Now he felt bad that his looked so ugly and like a teenaged boy made it; he almost said no.

Eating yours though, somehow it tasted better than he was expecting. It must have been how you prepared it, and the fact that you cared so much about the presentation. Eating it in silence, he let you eat in peace as well for a few minutes and compliment the food to the camera.

“Alright, that’s the end of the video!” Putting your bowl down, you turned to Sukuna. “I had so much fun today, thanks for filming this with me.” Now was his chance to make everything better. Putting his bowl down and bolstering himself with confidence, Sukuna threw his arm over your shoulder and pulled you close to him.

“Thank you (Y/N), I really did enjoy today. I hope we can film again soon!” He squeezed your shoulder and smiled really big at not only you but the camera as well. He knew he was blushing, he knew that even the tip of his nose was a nice rosy shade, but he didn’t care. If people teased him for it, then so be it. But he wanted you to know how he truly felt.

“R-really? You want to?” You asked, looking up at Sukuna from your place smooshed against his body.

“Really.”

“Aww, well you heard it here first everyone! Sukuna wants to shoot another video with me!” Clapping your hands a few times, you waved at the camera. “Okay, bye everyone!”

“Bye.” Sukuna waved too, waiting a few seconds before letting you go and turning off the camera.

“Sukuna, did you really mean it? You want to film another video with me?” You were in utter disbelief. All this time, he’d just seemed very standoffish, if not a little awkward around you. You were happy to film this video with him, he had way more followers than you and it would help boost both your channels, and to hear him say that just made it even better.

“Yeah, I was serious.” Sukuna spoke around stuffing his mouth with the food he still had left. He was more hungry than he thought, the nerves doing a good job of twisting his stomach during the video. Now that it’s over, he can finally relax.

“That makes me really happy.” Eating the rest of your food as well, you leant against the counter. “This is gonna sound kind of mean, but I was really scared to film with you today. I thought you were going to be really mean.”

“Shit, you did?” He grimaced, letting out a sigh. “Sorry I had you worried.” He could already imagine the comments you would get from his fans.

“It’s okay! You’re actually way nicer in person, I was surprised!”

“That’s good.”

“And you’re really buff, you have muscles in places I didn’t even know were possible!” You laughed bashfully at that comment, and avoided looking at him when he stared at you in shock. “I couldn’t help but notice…”

Were you checking him out? Had you been checking him out this whole time and he didn’t even realize? He had seen you eyeing him up when you first met, but were you looking at him like that at other times as well? Now he’d really have to watch your video to see if it was true.

“Thanks, it’s my job.” Could he have said that any lamer? “My job outside of all this, I mean. I’m a trainer at this fancy gym downtown.”

“Oh, I’ve seen some of your videos at your gym! I know which one you’re talking about.”

“You do? You’ve seen my videos?” If he wasn’t surprised before, he was now.

“Yeah, you know I had to do a little research beforehand.” You nodded, beginning to clean up the dishes around you. “And I know you’ve already watched almost all of my videos, so it only seemed fair.”

Did you have to bring that up? Now Sukuna was embarrassed again.

“Y-yeah, I did.” Clearing his throat, Sukuna helped gather the dishes. He took up washing them, another task he could do to get his mind off you. As you took down the camera equipment, he nearly broke several dishes and utensils from scrubbing too hard.

“I’ll call you an Uber.” He said when all was said and done and you were back at the front of the building.

“You don’t have to, it’s okay.”

“No, I want to.” Quickly calling you a ride, Sukuna fiddled with his phone a little more. “Uh, could I- could I-” His voice kept leaving him, and he had to cough a few times. “Can I get your number? I really liked your camera shit and I want to improve mine.” Okay, it wasn’t a total lie. He did like your setup and wanted to make his just as good, but he really wanted your number to potentially talk to you more about things outside of Youtube.

“Sure! Go ahead and type it in.” You were quick to give him your phone, a cute pink phone case on the back of it. Typing it in, he can’t help but notice the little devil emoji you add by his name. He wants to ask, but your ride is already pulling up.

“Bye!” Setting all your camera gear inside the car, you turn and wave goodbye.

“See ya.” Just as you’re about to close the car door, Sukuna gets a burst of confidence. “Text me when you get home, okay?”

“Okay!” And off you go. Sukuna watches the car drive off until he can’t see it anymore. He takes his time getting to his own place, eagerly awaiting your message with every step. But even when you do message him, all he can do is send a thumbs up back and nothing else.

It’s about two and a half days after that that you text him again, letting him know you’re done editing and that you’re going to post the video soon. It wasn’t a very long video to begin with, so the editing was simple enough. Sukuna replied with what appeared to be a lackluster ‘can’t wait’, but on the inside he was shaking. He’d already screenshot all the pictures the two of you took together and added them to a folder.

“Here we go.” As soon as the video went live, Sukuna watched it. He was mortified as soon as it started at the blush so evident on his cheeks, and how it stayed throughout the whole thing. He groaned at the part where he helped you cut up the meat, he almost wishes you’d cut it out. Every little detail that made him embarrassed was there, every little nuance of his actions you’d managed to capture and make it cute.

(Y/N): How do you like it??

You texted him after twenty minutes, eager to hear his thoughts.

(Sukuna): it’s good, good editing and stuff

(Y/N): yay! I’m going to read comments in a few hours, you should too! I bet people will be really shocked!

(Sukuna): yeah no doubt

Oh, he was definitely going to read the comments. Whereas you were going to wait for a fair few to come in before commenting, Sukuna frequently refreshed the page and read the new ones as they came in. You were right, a lot of people were surprised, but he also saw a lot of his fans as well.

‘Ew Sukuna really cooked for that bitch? They can’t do it themselves?’

‘Yeah, why do they have to rely on him? Useless as fuck lol’

‘Sukuna only did this to get laid, (Y/N) looks like an easy fuck’

All of those comments, and many more, made his blood boil. Usually, he wouldn’t care at all about the comments, letting them fester in his comment section and spiral out of control. But for you, it was different.

‘Fuck off and die you pieces of shit. Leave (Y/N) alone or say it to my fucking face’

Sukuna sent that message, along with a variety of other threats, to all the people that insulted you. He didn’t care that this wasn’t his channel and that you would deal with it in whatever way you wanted to. He needed to defend you against the unwanted audience he’d brought you.

Luckily, after seeing Sukunas messages, all of his fans backed off. They knew how serious he was about his threats and there were many rumors that he actually did go and beat people up who said things he didn’t like. No one wanted to be on the receiving end of his torment.

With Sukunas name attached to the video and his heavy presence in the comment section, the video easily went viral. It was easily the most viewed video on your channel, getting on the trending pages of several different platforms.

(Sukuna): hey

It’s nearly a week after the first video that Sukuna messages you, and the hype is still going strong, and your follower count grows greatly from it.

(Y/N): hi! What’s up?

(Sukuna): do you want to film a video for my channel now? We can play a game, I have a few

(Y/N): sure that sounds fun!

Oh how wrong you were. The game Sukuna chose was a scary game, a shooter game with scary zombies and a lot of possible jumpscares. He doesn’t tell you either, so on the night of filming - he insisted on it being nighttime to get the full scary effect - you were caught off guard.

“I don’t know about this.” You whined once you saw the title. The two of you were video calling alongside playing the game together, and Sukuna’s eyes flicked to your figure on the screen.

“It’ll be okay, I’ll carry you, don’t worry.” He had started filming as soon as he’d set up the game, and you were filming yourself as well for him.

“You promise it won’t be too scary?”

“If it’s too scary just close your eyes and I’ll protect you.” Smiling softly at you, he started up the game. The beginning was fine, just a quick introduction to the game, but as soon as things started to get moving, you were scared.

“Sukuna a zombie is eating me!” You screamed, frantically pushing buttons in an attempt to get it off.

“It’s okay!” He quickly got rid of it, and made sure to stay close to your character as the story progressed.

“(Y/N) stay by me, there’s about to be a whole lot of them.”

“Close your eyes there’s about to be a jump scare here.”

“Don’t worry about getting that item, I’ll grab it for you!”

Sukuna nearly forgot he was being filmed, saying sweet things to you to help encourage you and make sure you weren’t overwhelmed. There were many parts where you screamed in fright and Sukuna was there to coo at you and tell you it was okay. He made sure that your character never died, making sure to keep you close until the end of the game.

“Sukuna, that was so hard!” Squishing your cheeks in your hands, you looked at him through your phone.

“It was fun though, wasn’t it? I had fun with you.” Completely abandoning the game, he stared down at his phone with a soft smile on his face.

“Yeah, when there weren’t so many zombies.” You stuck your tongue out at him, and it made him laugh. Leaning his head into his hand, Sukuna grinned when you yawned.

“Aw, are you tired? Better go to sleep soon.” His voice dropped to a lower volume, like you were right next to him.

“I will.” You yawned again and it made Sukuna yawn as well.

“Get off the phone and go to bed, you’re making me tired too.”

“Fine.” Whining out the word, you waved sleepily. “Goodnight Sukuna, I’ll send you the video files in the morning, okay?”

“Night.” Waving back, Sukuna waited until you hung up to turn his stuff off as well.

In the morning, Sukuna was ready to edit. What usually took him a week to edit out of laziness, he took only a day to edit this video with you together. Rewatching the footage, he nearly gagged at seeing how soft his face got when he looked at you, and most of those parts were left in because he couldn’t stand to watch them and fix them.

(Sukuna): videos up

The next day, he messaged you. Once again Sukuna patrolled the comments, swiftly deleting any that said even a hint of a bad thing about you. There was less this time, what with Sukuna adding a warning at the beginning of the video threatening anyone that talked down at you.

This video, like the first, went viral. But for a much different reason. Since Sukuna was emotionally unable to deal with how sappy he was and edit those parts out, everyone got to see how soft he was for you. If the comments weren’t mean, they were screaming about how you and Sukuna must be dating now, because why else would he look at you and talk to you like that?

And much to Sukuna’s dismay, there were also fancam edits of you two together. Any clippable moment of him being sweet on you in the videos you’d made together along with the photos you’d posted on Instagram were edited together and posted on Twitter. You both were tagged in every single one, making sure Sukuna saw all the videos of you and him together. He saved all of them too, delighting in the way you looked with him with all those pretty filters.

By the end of the day, people were trying to put a ship name together for the two of you and he’s seen you repost a few fancams with cute messages of thanks as well. Seeing you receptive to the fans screaming about the two of you made him happy, even if he was still too nervous to text you about anything outside of Youtube.

As more comments came in, people on Twitter were begging him to do a vlog with you. You had quite a few on your channel, going to cafes or filming what your day or week was like. Sukuna had watched them all and was jealous of every single person that appeared alongside you.

(Y/N): hey I’m doing a live on Instagram if you want to join me! I know people really like us together lol it’ll be great for views

(Sukuna): sure

Did you want him to join now? He’d just gotten out of the shower and thrown on a pair of sweats, he wasn’t exactly decent. But he didn’t want to waste time getting ready only for you to end the live.

“Hi Sukuna!” You smiled and waved when he appeared on the screen.

“Hey.” He waved back, not caring about the angle he was holding the camera in. He saw hearts begin to fill up the screen and comments started to fly by, almost all in caps about the fact he was shirtless talking to you.

“Guys, don’t be weird! Who cares that Sukuna is shirtless?” You tried to stop them, but it was clear you were flustered as well. You weren’t looking at him, peeking at him through the screen a few times.

“God you’re all thirsty as fuck.” Sukuna finally looked at himself on the screen. He was shirtless and in bed, hair slightly damp and tousled on his pillow. Reading a few comments, he shot up. “Of course I’m wearing pants, you nasty fuck!” Storming out of bed, he stood in front of the only mirror in his house that wasn’t in the bathroom and turned the camera around. “See, look!”

“Oh.” Gasping softly, you were glad Sukuna didn’t notice you screenshot the live. Clad in only gray sweatpants, Sukuna’s freshly cleaned skin gleamed in the light of his bedroom and every single muscle and edge of his body was on display.

“There, told you I wasn’t fucking naked.” Rolling his eyes, he flopped back down on the bed. None of the comments had gotten any better, all of them talking about how hot he was and how you were so lucky to know him in real life.

“L-let's talk about something else.” You stammered, not showing your face on camera for a few minutes. Sukuna laughed at the comments teasing you for being embarrassed, agreeing with some of them under his breath.

“So, what the fuck are you all doing here?” Sukuna posed the question at the chat, but at you as well.

“Well before you came everyone was talking about you...and you know how everyone has been begging for us to vlog?” You started off slowly, peeking an eye at his face.

“Yeah?”

“I wanted to call you to ask how you felt about that?” How he felt? Why did you want to know?

“You couldn’t have texted me that?” That wasn’t necessarily what he wanted to say, but it made you chuckle, so it was okay.

“No! I wanted to ask so everyone could know!”

“I don’t mind it.” If you wanted to vlog with him, he would do it in a heartbeat.

“So…” Worrying your lip, you looked off camera for a few seconds before looking directly at Sukuna. “Would you like to be in a vlog with me, at a cafe? It’s outside the city, kind of far, but we can rent a car or-”

“Yes.” Sukuna interrupted, nodding his head quickly. “I’ll come. We don’t have to rent a car, I’ll drive.”

“Really?” The comments were just as shocked as you were. Sukuna never filmed anywhere but his home and the gym, this would be a monumental occasion.

“Did you want me to say no?”

“No!” You screamed immediately, nearly dropping your phone. “I just- I wasn’t expecting you to say yes!”

“Well I did.” Sukuna bit his lip, running a hand through his hair and flexing his arm. “So I guess it’s a date, huh?” His normal asshole confidence was back now that you were appearing through a screen and not right next to him. A surprised sound came from the back of your throat, and you nearly dropped the phone again.

“Y-yeah! A date!” It felt good to have you flustered for once and not Sukuna. Laughing heartily at you, Sukuna smirked at the comments.

“Was that all you wanted to ask me or was there something more?”

“No, that was it!”

“Alright.” Licking his lip and letting his tongue hang out of his mouth a little, Sukuna watched you bite your lip as well. “Well I’m gonna go, I got stuff to do, but I’ll text you later (Y/N).” Dropping his voice as he said goodbye, Sukuna left the livestream.

“Holy fuck.” As soon as his phone was off, Sukuna let out a breath he’d been holding in. His heart was pounding hard despite how confident he was in his actions. Flirting was nothing new to him, but with you it felt different and like he’d never done it before in his life.

He watched the rest of your livestream while he finished getting ready for bed, laughing at the comments still teasing you about getting flustered with him. The notifications for Twitter were going off as well, and he knew for sure that there were new fancams for him to check out later.

(Y/N): Sukuna!! You’re so embarrassing!

Texting him after your stream, your cheeks were still burning at the memory.

(Sukuna): hey, you said it would be good for views and it was

(Y/N): I know…

(Y/N): did you really mean it, about coming with me?

(Sukuna): of course. If I didn’t want to I would have said no

(Y/N): that’s good lol!

There was a lull in conversation, and Sukuna nearly fell asleep waiting for you to either text him again or for him to figure out what to say next.

(Y/N): so, a date huh? Are you going to bring me flowers?

Now he was awake. He didn’t expect you to bring that up again, and his eyes flew open. Sukuna’s fingers hovered over the keyboard, mind going blank on what to say.

(Y/N): lol just kidding! I know you only said that for the stream! I’ll text you later about the details, I’m about to knock out

(Y/N): goodnight :)

Well shit. Now he definitely wanted it to be a date.

#jujutsu kaisen #ryomen sukuna #sukuna x reader #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen scenarios

[boredfanwrites]

Buddie #1

There is not a bone in my body that can accept that in any other universe they wouldn't be perfect together. Post 4x14 so SPOILERS for that. This got so much longer than I thought it would be. Sorry in advance, there's much more under the cut.

· Eddie tells him about the will. Chris goes to Buck if anything happens to Eddie. Which it very nearly did.

· It causes Buck to actually stop and think things through before rushing into danger.

· The rest of the team question it while Eddie's recovering but he just says there's someone relying on him now.

· They take it to mean Taylor - well Chimney and Albert do, Hen and Bobby are more clued in.

· Buck talks about Eddie and Chris like he did when they quarantined together - like they're living together again.

· They are.

· Buck moved in to help Eddie and his recovery, with Ana stepping in when he was on shifts - even if she tended to undo everything Buck had done.

· He tells himself it's because she's not used to the way he and Eddie do things - yes that one singular bowl and plate live in the lower cupboard, it's so Eddie can reach them easily. Chris always picks the movie on movie nights, Eddie and Buck alternate when he's gone to bed.

· Eddie is stubborn as always, but has managed to allow Buck to help him dress and shower - Ana is very much not allowed, despite her protests they're barely in a relationship.

· Eddie explains to Buck that yes, they've been together for six months but they've not really been togetherand he quietly admits that he regrets telling Chris so soon.

· Buck calms him and says that it was right to introduce Chris to the idea of Eddie dating, but yeah, maybe it wasn't smart to spring Ana on him so early - especially because she decided she had to be a bigger part of his life now he was aware.

· Chris manages to get to the station once while Buck is on shift.

· Buck comes back to Albert making him pancakes and Chris scribbling with the things they keep for the school trips.

· 'What are you doing here, bud? Does your dad know?'

· 'Kinda.'

· 'What does kinda mean here?'

· 'He knows I wanted to see you. I don't think he knows that I came here.'

· Albert quickly jumps in saying he's texted Eddie and he and Carla are on their way, it just happens that the rig got back before they got there.

· Buck sits down with Chris, leaning his head on his arms and looks at the picture. It's him, Eddie and Buck with Carla and her husband in the background.

· 'What's wrong, Chris?'

· 'Ana.'

· 'Ok, what did she do?'

· 'Tried to get me to bath before I ate and then said I had to do my homework before TV time.'

· 'Buddy, you always have to do your homework before TV time.'

· 'But she tried to help me.'

· 'Your dad and I try our best to help you. She's a teacher, she's better use than us.'

· 'No that's not it.'

· Chris has tears in his eyes and a death grip on his crayon.

· 'She told the poor boy his handwriting was ineligible and took his pencil, tried to get him to tell her the answers and that she would write them for him.' Carla sighs.

· She stands with her arms open and Chris runs into them. Eddie looms behind them, looking sad.

· Well, neutral really, but Buck knows his micro expressions well enough.

· After that Ana is banned from the house in the afternoons/evenings and Carla steps back in. The new problem is Ana turning up when Buck has days off - their schedule was she was here when Buck wasn't, for multiple reasons.

· Ana's great, there's just something about her that Buck doesn't like and she definitely doesn't like Buck. Maybe it's because they're just opposites.

· Eddie tries to gently tell her that he barely gets to see Buck anymore and he needs it for his mental health. Ana starts pestering about the fact that he should want to see his girlfriend more than his best friend.

· It's one of their biggest fights and turns into a screaming match one night (Chris is at Hen's with Denny but Buck is hiding away in the guest room) where Eddie shouts that she had decided that she was his girlfriend without asking Eddie if that was what he wanted and she was suffocating.

· She leaves pretty quickly after that and Buck is incredibly happy as their paths never cross again.

· There's an emptiness settling in his chest when he finds out that the two are still together and are treating the relationship as though they're just dating again. He hates that he really doesn't like the idea that it's working out now that they're on even footing.

· He decides to push it away and starts getting reckless again. Taylor's hanging around the station more like she wants more from Buck, but he'd given up. She liked being chased and now that he's tired of it, she wants him. He knows she'll get bored if he shows interest again.

· It's interest he doesn't have. Eddie had called him Evan and told him he deserved more. How was he supposed to go back to normal after that?

· Why doesn't Eddie see how life changing that was?

· Eddie does. But in typical Eddie fashion, he pushes it deep down and replaces it with his content being with Ana. She makes his parents happy, which makes him happy. She gets along with Pepa and Isabel and his sisters, but they act a lot more familial with Buck.

· It makes sense, he tells himself - they've had years with Buck.

· Nothing really changes for Buck until TK and Judd find themselves in LA. Buck hastily explains to TK that he wasn't asking him out back in Austin, he just wanted a friend and really he wasn't attracted to guys.

· TK just straight up laughs at Buck.

· 'Buckley, you checked me, Carlos, and the barista out in the span of like five minutes. You're a little attracted to guys.'

· 'Wait, you mean you and Diaz ain't datin'?'

· Judd's question throws Buck through a loop.

· 'What? No...we're just...we're friends. Best friends.'

· TK laughs again, patting Buck on the shoulder.

· Once they're on their last day, TK takes Buck out for a drink like he'd promised. Buck tries to ignore the fact he's brought him to a gay bar.

· He gets hit on at least three times in an hour, not to mention the building collection of beers for both him and TK and he decides he doesn't actually mind it.

· 'Ok, I want you to do something for me. Scan the crowd and pick a guy, any guy, and tell me what you find attractive about him.'

· Buck picks out a shorter man, tanned skin and dark hair.

· 'He's got a cute smile.'

· 'Oh boy, you have a type.'

· 'Huh?'

· 'He looks like Eddie.'

· And he does. Like a Walmart version of Eddie though. He didn't laugh like Eddie, didn't have the same laugh lines. Or frown lines. His eyes weren't as warm when he met Buck's nor did he smile as fondly. And...

· 'Fuck.'

· 'You just now realizing your feelings for him?'

· 'Yeah. How did I not know?'

· 'Honestly, it was probably such a subtle shift. From what you've told me you've basically been a couple for a year and a half, so you didn't realize anything had changed for you.'

· 'I've never denied it.'

· 'I mean you clearly must have.'

· 'No. I meant that there have been so many times people assumed Eddie and I were a couple and I never denied it, I went along with it all.'

· 'Shit man, you had it bad before you even realized.'

· Buck groans as TK throws an arm around him, leaning against his shoulder.

· Things change after that. Buck is hesitant with physical touch with Eddie - it's his main love language and he needs to make sure he's not overdoing it and making Eddie uncomfortable.

· Eddie notices because of course, he does. Buck has pulled away from him for seemingly no reason. The second Eddie can dress, shower, and reach the high cabinets himself Buck is talking about going home.

· He is home.

· Eddie doesn't say it, he just hums, not really agreeing. He's gotten used to Buck being around and so has Chris. They'd easily fallen back into their quarantine routine and now Buck would be leaving again.

· A quick thought of getting shot again fills Eddie's head. Though this time it's nothing to do with his PTSD and more so that he doesn't want Buck to leave. So he exaggerates just a little.

· 'You know, my PTSD is still acting up. Maybe, you could stay until it balances out a little?'

· 'You'd want me to?'

· 'Yeah, you're great at getting me out and calming me and Christopher down.'

· 'You don't think Ana should start taking up some night shifts?'

· 'I don't really want her to deal with that side of me yet.'

· 'Okay.'

· 'Okay?'

· 'Yeah, I'll stay.'

· Eddie keeps an eye on Buck just as much as he keeps an eye on Eddie. He quickly realizes that Buck is holding in his own troubles. He knows from experience that Buck does not think his problems are anywhere near as bad as everyone else's. He has a lot of unlearning to do.

· Subtly, Eddie starts talking to him about his mental state, his worries, trying to let Buck know it's ok to do the same.

· When he and Ana inevitably break up not even a month later, it's Buck that he tells first.

· Buck, who has his back.

· Buck, who loves Christopher as his own.

· Buck, who is insecure about everything he does except saving people.

· Buck, who thinks he is unworthy and undeserving of love.

· Buck, who shows his love through acts of kindness and physical affection.

· Buck, who Eddie is so unapologetically in love with and probably has been for years.

· The revelation doesn't shock him like he thought it would. More so, it was a natural progression of their relationship.

· Friends. Best friends. Co-parents. Co-habiting. Partners. Partners.

· Eddie sees a future with Buck, a future he'd only ever seen with Shannon but it's so much brighter.

· He comes home from his first shift back - Buck wasn't working and offered to look after Christopher so Eddie knew he was safe - to find Buck on the couch, staring into an empty beer bottle.

· 'Hey?' it's broken and Eddie drops his things to rush over to him.

· 'You good?'

· 'No. I'm not.'

· Buck looks up, tears in his eyes, cheeks red and puffy.

· 'What's going on, Evan?'

· That's all it takes. He breaks. He babbles about watching Eddie die over and over in his dreams. How sometimes the shower will splash his face just so and he's thrown back with Eddie's blood on his face. How he was trying to get through it with Dr. Copeland but it wasn't helping.

· Nothing was helping.

· 'It's ok. I'm here, I'm okay.'

· 'You weren't. You died, Eds. You died on me.'

· 'You saved me.'

· 'What if I hadn't? I don't know a life without you anymore. I can't lose another person I love.'

· 'You love me?'

· 'Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?'

· Buck registers his words, quickly backing away from Eddie and tries to make a break for the open door. Eddie isn't letting him run away anymore. His wrist snakes around Buck's.

· 'Evan. I told you there wasn't anyone else I'd want to look after Christ. I told you you weren't expendable. I said that because I love you and you needed to hear it. You had to learn you deserved love. Love that Chris shows you. Love that I can show you. I love you so much, Evan Buckley.'

· Buck crumples in Eddie's arms, Eddie rocks him gently until the sobs subside.

· It's not an immediate or obvious change. There are still things the two need to work through.

· It's different but the same. There's more contact now; hugs, tactile hands on waists, and backs at work. Kisses in the bunk, soft and slow.

· It's new and exciting. Especially when they finally get together, officially and exclusively.

· Chris loves telling everyone about his two dads.

· Eddie and Buck are happier, closer.

· Buck had always been a Diaz. He'd always had a family who loved him. The big change was he got to love them both endlessly in return.

#buddie #911 #911 headcanons #buddie headcanons #evan buck buckely #911 fox #firefam #buckley diaz family #buddie fic #buddie drabble #christopher diaz #edmundo diaz #eddie diaz #eddie x buck #christopher diaz is an absolute angel #slow burn #oblivious idiots #oblivious buddie

[theparliamentofrooks]

HELLO FELLOW P2 CORE ENJOYERS

I bring to you: Our Guys :) and their headcanons I have for them. Did you know they're all Honduran I know because I'm Honduran too

ANYWAYS this is a sort of spoof AU where Everything Is Fine Actually and the cores are androids but also humans working at Aperture. Because I know that we need an excuse for Rick to justifiably fight a raccoon in the middle of a park on saturday calling this bad boy the Guy Quartet

General Headcanons

All of them work in completely separate departments. It's dubious if anyone actually likes Wheatley (/J). Rick got put in the fucking basement. BUT they all kept getting sifted into the same assignments that now they just talk to each other frequently. But that was preceded by SO MANY awkward overlapping lunch breaks

Once they all start hanging out they drop into each other's jobs spontaneously. They keep getting BORED and Tomas (Fact) all you do is WATCH PEOPLE TEST can I Please skateboard in your office. Thomas keeps a little tally (Milo (Space) visits the most and Rick gets visited the most GO AWAY THIS IS TOP SECRET)

Aperture constantly wants to fire them So Bad because none of them do much work. But Milo also says they are simply Having Fun :) and Tomas keeps either A) vouching for everyone or B) getting someone else fired

The only ones genuinely happy to be at Aperture are Milo and Rick. Milo has gone to college AND university to pursue a higher degree in astrology-related fields and Rick Just Fuckin Loves Danger

Rick keeps bringing in rabid animals he finds in the parking lot and it scares the living hell out of Wheatley. Coincidentally, Milo and Tomas are unaware of this habit Rick has

The individual headcanons will be under the cut :)

I THINK SPACE SHOULD STOP BEING DEPICTED AS A CHILD FOR ONCE SO HE'S GOING FIRST

Out of the four of them he's the smartest by a longshot. Started taking college classes in Highschool, and hasn't broken a sweat since third grade multiplication tables. He's the head of Aperture's Space Department (but usually doesn't stick around for busywork...)

Even if he's incredibly intelligent, he actually loves having fun! He's the one who coaxed the CEO into having various 'Bring your ____ to Work' days. Mostly because he needed an excuse to let random animals lounge around without getting in trouble.

He also does tours of Aperture for students! Because he likes teaching :)

But also has a very bad habit of giving kids his I.D so they can go look at cooler stuff off the tour under the pretense "Milo let us do it" and they can't just Fire Him

Milo is known as more of an enigma than a higher up by most. While he gladly reminds people of just exactly where he stands in the company by showing his I.D, he also likes to give into the rumors often

YOU KNOW THAT ONE MEME THAT'S LIKE "They'll never believe you" THAT'S MILO FUCKING WITH APERTURE EMPLOYEES

The reason he went for any other company is because his father used to work here, but as an astronaut. One trip up to the moon, he never came back down. Milo plans to find out just what happened to him, no matter what.

Rick Cambeiro - 37 - He/Him

Rick is one of the few people in Aperture that would Kill for this job. Even when it starts going to shit.

And that job is being a security guard: he can fuck around and join lots of experiments unprompted! LET HIM TOUCH THE UNUSUALLY COLORED JELLY

He's loud and constantly bugs any woman within a ten feet radius, but actually reads frequently! His favorite is fiction and poetry, and usually takes his breaks quietly with a book.

He wants to fist fight three tigers at once to impress women BUT APPARENTLY THEY ALSO LIKE INTELLIGENT MEN SO.

Rick considers a bro bond stronger than anything else. Everyone calls it pretty gay but he SWEARS it's brotherly. He's like 90% sure. Wheatley frequently reaches the brink of death in hugs and Milo leaps onto Rick as a "challenge"

He's got a bit of practice with makeup, but SPECIFICALLY so he could draw on some fake scars. He had five different stories for each, all depending on who asked.

But after something happened, it seems like he's cut out that habit...

Rick loves wandering around for various odd jobs for a security guard, but it nets him a lot of moments where he's seeing what he shouldn't. While Rick has the most information that could easily be used for the legal downfall of Aperture, it's a double-edged sword. It's only a matter of time until he's called in to be a proper test subject.

Fact / Tomas Decastros - 26 - He/Him

I'd rather die than use Craig for Fact. Also don't look at the art actually I misspelt his name ANYWAYS

Tomas works as one of the head supervisors for testing, generally watching over tests with the Aperture Handheld Portal Device. Lots of people flip between calling it the most boring job ("Glorified people-watching" - Wheatley) or the most fun one ("I told a guy a turret was supposed to be helpful one time" - Rick, moments before getting mauled)

Compared to the other people in the department, Tomas is easily the best at the job. Specifically because he actually remembers things! There's countless rules overlooked, and even then, did none of you try to read up on what we're testing!?

He's surprised he hasn't grown grey hairs.

While Milo has a lot of leeway in what he does because he's so high up, Tomas gets away with things like breaking dress code and taking triple the lunch breaks he's legally allowed to have by letting all the mishaps in testing slide.

Generally Tomas just tells people he took this job because it was all that was available, but in reality, he just can't stand how many deaths have been totaled up due to testing. He's only here because he wants to prevent as many as he can.

A habit he's well known for is spontaneously stating facts related to tests in the middle of them. Nobody ever seems to realize why he's doing it, or calls him out for being a hypocrite since he doesn't let anyone else talk to the test subjects. Outright stating a solution is against the rules, but merely mentioning a fact isn't, right?

Wheatley [REDACTED] - 34 - He/Him

Yeah that's right Wheatley's last. I know he's my no. 1 but also you WILL read about the other cores. Unless you skipped in which case </3

Anyways, my favorite fact about him: Wheatley is his first name. Nobody knows his last name. It's dubious if he even has one. Everyone just calls him Wheatley.

He's well known around the entirety of Aperture because he used to work at the front desk. It was the """"perfect job for him""" (- Wheatley) but it also started making employees use different entrances because he talked so much. And loudly too.

The pay was pretty good since his ACTUAL job was making sure various health and safety workers didn't get past the front (It seems the constant talking and making people go away DID work out!)

Eventually he gets promoted out of nowhere to be a scientist, even though he has no education awards/diplomas/certificates/literally anything to back himself up. It also happened to be about three hours after he typed in this pretty big number for something... Had to do something with the moon. Maybe a percentage of how much he liked it?

Well, he LOVES the moon. Which is why he put about 95%. Not sure what that did.

He's completely clueless, but all of his scientist coworkers actually hate him. He's got no reason to be here, and he keeps messing experiments up! It drives them up the wall! So their best course of action...

Signing Wheatley up for a week's work on the GLaDOS project.

He seemed a bit antsy, but with reassurance from his coworkers, it seemed fine. He came out of there three days earlier than planned because he had to be hospitalized for severe wounds.

Wheatley still works in the same department, and unfortunately didn't get a paid leave... But at least these scars look cool, eh?

#portal 2 #wheatley #fact core #adventure core #or is it like #adventure sphere #rick #<3 #Four Cores No Health Insurance #made that au name on a whim but i think it really fits actually #b'art art

[erosia-rhodes]

Top 9 Newbie thoughts on Supernatural after Six Months of Madness

I started watching Supernatural a week before the series finale, and full disclosure, it was only because I heard about the gay angel. I loved me some Good Omens, so I decided to check out a series my only previous thoughts about had been, "Is that show still on?" In the past six months, I've watched about fifty percent of the episodes scattered across all fifteen seasons. I've also spent time following the bonkers-in-the-best-way fandom on Tumblr, and here is what I have learned:

1) Everyone who loves Supernatural also hates Supernatural

No one is capable of praising this show without also trashing it. Supernatural is as awful as it is awesome. Watching Supernatural is like hate-fucking your nemesis against a wall; you're totally conflicted about it, but it's enormously pleasurable and you know you're going to do it over and over again. No one has a pure, untainted love for this show. They only have complicated emotions. This is because…

2) The fact that the show needs to be fixed is an essential part of its appeal

Strangely, if this show were better, it wouldn't be as popular. If you love a show that is perfect, you watch it once or twice or thrice, make a bunch of memes, and move on with your life two years later when you find something else to hyper-fixate on. If you love a show that's broken, you spend the rest of your life obsessed with fixing it. It's the crooked photo hanging on the wall that yearns to be straightened (because, you know, this show is bad at making things straight). It's the stray dog you know would be adoptable if you fattened it up and socialized it with your other dogs, and just like some people can't stop rescuing animals, Supernatural fans can't stop thinking about how to fix a show that isn't great, but could be with a flea bath and a trip to the groomers. Supernatural fans are not fans of the actual show, but of the show they imagine it could be, one that only exists in an alternate universe. They are in love with the Platonic ideal of Supernatural. That's also the reason why…

3) The fans understand the characters and themes better than 95% of the people who worked on the show

The people who watch Supernatural have thought about it way, way, way, more than anyone who produced it. I have read complex essays about what the color of people's clothing imply and how the state of the Impala reflects the state of Dean's mental health and other things I'm certain this show did not do intentionally. People can find depth in the shallowest aspects of this series. Any random fan could explain the complicated dynamics of the Winchester family and the overriding themes of the series better than most of the people who worked on it. That includes the LGBTQ stuff, which leads to the fact that…

4) The show is simultaneously too gay and not gay enough

On one end of the spectrum are fans who are offended you would dare to suggest one of the Winchesters might like kissing a boy and they'll shove you in a locker and duct tape your butt cheeks together for it. On the other end of the spectrum are fans who think it's odd that every episode doesn't end with two attractive men dry humping in a dark corner of the bunker library. No one is happy with the level of gayness on this show. It's always got too much "No Homo" or too much queer subtext, which is why I've concluded that…

5) The audience this show wanted is not the audience they got and they are resentful of it

The original pitch for this show targeted a male demographic who’s into toxic masculinity in a non-ironic way. It was about bros and beers and muscle cars and shotguns and hot chicks who will be killed to further the man's storyline. However, when making that show, they accidentally created a show that attracted female viewers who liked speculating about the queer subtext of each scene while looking at pretty men with traumatic backstories fight back their man tears. The show depends on the unintended audience segment to survive, but is bitter about it, which they remind you of time and time again by killing the female and non-white characters and toying with endless queer-baiting. It's like the writers got a plane to Rome, ended up in a gay nightclub in Amsterdam instead, and even though the canals and tulips make it a lovely city to visit, they wanted to go to Rome, damnit, and they'll never let you forget it! I also suspect that…

6) The people who made this show were at constant war with each other

This show has such a split personality. Sometimes it leans into the gay stuff and other times it makes fun of it outright. Sometimes they'll introduce an interesting side character that could make the show more diverse and then they'll slaughter that person for practically no reason. Sometimes they praise free will and other times they force people down pre-destined paths. The writers feel like a dysfunctional family stuck at Thanksgiving dinner endlessly squabbling with each other—who then had to write a TV show together over dessert. That's why it's such a weird hot mess. The show's unevenness makes me think that…

7) Some people's attachment to the show can only be explained by the fact that it imprinted on them when they were young

Some fans have mentioned they started watching Supernatural when they were kids. It's a pretty common experience to go back and watch things you loved when you were a kid and realize they were…not so good. Your memories of them are far better than the reality of them, but you cling to them anyway. The shows you watch when you're young imprint on you in a way you never forget. Supernatural fans are like a baby duck who looks up at a cat and assumes it’s their mother. Then that cat slices open their poor little hearts, leaving them wounded but not dead, forever be toyed with in agony. The only relief is that…

8) The fandom is batshit insane in the best way

I started following the Supernatural fandom on Tumblr in November of 2020 and OMG, it was AH-MAZE-ING. It was total insanity. I didn't understand half of what was going on, but it was more fun than a yard full of puppies doing zoomies. People were posting detailed PowerPoint presentations theorizing how the series would end, citing extensive physical evidence like the background in Misha's hotel room. People learned election results through Supernatural memes. Destiel went canon every other week. When the Spanish dub was released, Tumblr literally crashed! Obama's Twitter was following a Destiel account. There was a Twitter wedding for Destiel on Valentine's Day, which made the one-month anniversary on Pi Day.

It's been a ride, y'all. I have no idea how you guys survived fifteen years of this. The fandom has been so much fun that I actually sat down and watched more than 100 hours of this show so I could understand everything better. It's like the show is an extension of the fandom instead of vice versa. If anything sums up Supernatural for me, that's it. It's all about the fandom and the show is secondary to that. It's like the fans willed the show into existence as part of some partially botched spell. And part of that twisted spell is that…

9) The show will never die until someone finds its bones and burns them

This show has been off the air for more than six months now and it keeps trending on Tumblr consistently. Misha recently trended on Twitter simply because he was at the Oscars. That was it! He didn't even do anything there, he just attended, and some people figured it out by the reflection in a photo posted by someone else! And just as I was proofreading this post, Destiel started trending again because John Cena is a stan or something? This fandom is crazy and unpredictable and I love it like Dean loves pie! If there ever does come a time when this show stops trending, that will be the moment when they decide to reboot it or revisit it.

There is a lot more I could say about this show, but these were the elements that seemed most unique and bizarre about it. I wouldn't say Supernatural is a ride-or-die fandom for me, and I have no intention of watching another 100 hours of this series, but it's been hella' fun to drop in for a while. The show is just as much a dysfunctional mess as the Winchester family and I guess that's why people love it, right?

#supernatural #spn #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #misha collins #destiel #the cw #tv #television

[firelxdykatara]

gods, ok, apparently i’m not done.

atla fandom? we need to have a chat.

(....ok that made me sound pretentious as fuck. and maybe i am, but this needs to be said, cause i’m getting....real, real tired of a Certain Corner of this fandom and as a result, this is gonna be a discourse-heavy post so feel free to scroll past if that’s not your bag. as always, my salt posts all carry the catch-all #salt for ts tag, which you’re free to blacklist/filter at your leisure. i’m Very Annoyed at the moment, which will probably come through in the following post, so just. yknow. be prepared for that. or ignore it, that’s perfectly valid too.)

under a cut bc i do care for my followers and their sanity i swear lmao

there’s a real serious issue in this fandom with not understanding what queer terminology actually means or implies, especially when applied to a fictional narrative.

i’m specifically talking about ‘coding’, here. (if i were in a more meme-y mood, i might have said ‘the atla fandom found out about the term “gay-coding” and haven’t shut up since’.)

to the people who say ‘zuko is gay-coded’, i have this to say: you keep using that word. i do not think it means what you think it means. because he isn’t. i’m sorry, but he’s not! and the fact that this is such a prevalent claim in this fandom is distressing, bc it says to me that none of y’all know what gay-coding is or when and how to apply it! please, i’m begging you, go and look up these terms and what they mean and when they should be used before actually trying to plug them into your critical analysis, because when you misuse them and then call other people delusional for disagreeing with you it casts a pall over the entire fandom and is, i think, the root of some of the worst toxicity this fandom has to offer.

and the thing is, there are cases where gay-coding would apply--for instance, a couple series that are famous for queerbaiting their audience by coding their main characters as being attracted to one another (sometimes even despite their openly stated sexualities) come to mind, but those shows bare no similarities at all to atla and how zuko was written and portrayed! (and it would be funny, if it weren’t so obnoxious and infuriatingly wide-spread throughout the fandom, because the only queer couple we actually seen on-screen in either show wasn’t even queer-coded in any respect, and they’re canonically bi! [yes, i’m shading korrasami, or more accurately i’m shading bryke for refusing to give ka the build-up and development they deserved].)

this absolutely isn’t to say that headcanoning zuko as gay is a bad thing or invalid in any respect. (although the tendency for zukka shippers to do this specifically to keep zuko away from katara and/or invalidate his canon relationship/attraction to girls is more than a little eyebrow raising. especially since sokka is usually allowed to be bi, bc fans have no problem letting sukka stay in the background bc it’s no real threat, while jetko shippers are happy to have both boys be bi. [possibly bc katara is less a threat to jetko bc jetkotara is every bit as valid as any single ship between the three, but zukka can’t exactly let katara join in, and if the potential exists for zuko to be attracted to her then canon giving them the far deeper emotional bond becomes a threat to zukka’s existence? idk for sure--you be the judge.]) i prefer to hc zuko as bi (and always have, long before the atla renaissance), bc i don’t think zuko being attracted to boys is outside the realm of possibility, and it isn’t a threat to my ship since zuko&katara had a deep and emotional bond in canon that is very easy to develop further into something that becomes explicitly romantic--but the headcanon itself isn’t really the problem (although what it’s often in service to can be).

it’s the strange insistence that this is the only way to read his character, bc he was coded that way and so anyone who doesn’t see it must be too straight to understand--and i really shouldn’t have to say why and how that is so incredibly fucking insulting. (the ‘hetero lenses’ comment wasn’t cute when it came from bryke six years ago, and the same sentiment being repackaged and delivered by zukka shippers ain’t cute now.)

calling zuko gay-coded not only demonstrates ignorance as to what the term actually means, and how to usefully apply it in critical analysis, but also validates the frankly bullshit insertion of institutionalized homophobia in the world of atla where it was neither needed, nor wanted, nor ever hinted at in canon. as a queer woman i’m still infuriated by one fucking comic panel shoving institutionalized and systemic homophobia into a world where it was entirely unnecessary (and doing this in the first installment of the franchise showcasing a queer relationship??? making korra and asami worried about ‘coming out’ when they could have just gone on to have cute adventures together and tell people ‘hey we’re dating’ and have everyone else be ‘that’s awesome =DDD’ [because it is, in fact, possible to just have a world without homophobia i promise!!!!!] double yikes, i’m still pissed at bryke about it), and i doubly hate that ‘zuko is gay coded’ has become so widespread that ‘ozai hates him bc he’s gay’ has become a staple in that part of the fandom.

not only does making zuko gay and implying (or outright stating) that ozai hated and abused him because of it completely undermine zuko’s character arc by making his abuse about his sexuality rather than ozai’s toxic pride and anger at seeing himself reflected in his ‘weak’ son, but it comes very close to outright stating that abuse and trauma are inherently gay experiences, and they aren’t!!! they really aren’t, i promise!!!

abuse and trauma narratives exist outside of ‘my dad hates me because i’m gay’. and, quite frankly, there are MORE THAN ENOUGH queer trauma narratives out in the world. we do not need to start trying to retroactively make them canon in a series where they didn’t exist! if you’re gay and see yourself in zuko and project your own experiences on him, that’s understandable and valid. that does not make zuko gay-coded. and honestly, the insistence that he is makes very little sense to me, because you’re essentially trying to give the show credit for work you put into interpreting the characters! why would you want to do that? why not own your own headcanons and take credit for them, rather than insisting they are canon and everyone else is wrong for not seeing them??? like, i’ve said before that i’ve always headcanoned zuko (and katara) as bi, and even support it with my interpretations of evidence from the show, but the difference between ‘i think zuko is bi’ and ‘zuko is definitely gay-coded’ is that i know that bi zuko is my interpretation of canon, and that it is work i’m putting into the show that wasn’t actually intended by the creators/writers, no matter how much sexual tension i read into the jetko swordfight.

and like, zuko’s character arc doesn’t actually parallel a queer one all that well to begin with. it’s easy enough to do the work and twist it sideways just enough to make the general points fit, but the fact is, zuko’s arc is not one of self-discovery. it’s not one of coming to understand something fundamental about himself that he can’t change, that he was hated for, and coming out to his father in a dramatic confrontation where he shows that he understands himself and doesn’t need his father’s acceptance to be fulfilled.

zuko’s arc is actually one of trauma and healing. and those can (and often are--like i said, there are more than enough queer trauma narratives in the world, atla really doesn’t need to be one of them) be part of queer narratives, for sure! but they aren’t uniquely queer. and zuko’s confrontation with ozai during the eclipse doesn’t read like a ‘coming out’ at all. (yes, i’ve seen that post. yes, i rolled my eyes and moved on, bc unlike some people, i’m capable of not clowning on correctly tagged posts i disagree with.) zuko is specifically confronting ozai over his abuse, because his arc wasn’t about discovering anything fundamental about himself (and therefore realizing that ozai was hating him for something he couldn’t change)--it was about realizing that he was not at fault for the way his father treated him. it was also about realizing that the fire nation was broken and corrupt at its core, and that his father was an aspect of that he needed to break away from so that he could help the world begin to heal.

he says it himself:

Zuko: No, I've learned everything! And I've had to learn it on my own! Growing up, we were taught that the Fire Nation was the greatest civilization in history. And somehow, the War was our way of sharing our greatness with the rest of the world. What an amazing lie that was. The people of the world are terrified by the Fire Nation. They don't see our greatness. They hate us! And we deserve it! We've created an era of fear in the world. And if we don't want the world to destroy itself, we need to replace it with an era of peace and kindness.

making this about zuko being gay and rejecting ozai’s homophobia, rather than zuko learning fundamental truths about the world and about his home and about how there was something deeply wrong with his nation that needed to be fixed in order for the world to heal (and, no, ‘homophobia’ is not the answer to ‘what is wrong with the fire nation’, i’m still fucking pissed at bryke about that), misses the entire point of his character arc. this is the culmination of zuko realizing that he should never have had to earn his father’s love, because that should have been unconditional from the start. this is zuko realizing that he was not at fault for his father’s abuse--that speaking out of turn in a war meeting in no way justified fighting a duel with a child.

is that first realization (that a parent’s love should be unconditional, and if it isn’t, then that is the parent’s fault and not the child’s) something that queer kids in homophobic households/families can relate to? of course it is. but it’s also something that every other abused kid, straight kids and even queer kids who were abused for other reasons before they even knew they were anything other than cishet, can relate to as well. in that respect, it is not a uniquely queer experience, nor is it a uniquely queer story, and zuko not being attracted to girls (which is what a lot of it seems to boil down to, at the end of the day--cutting down zuko’s potential ships so that only zukka and a few far more niche ships are left standing) is not necessary to his character arc. nor does it particularly make sense.

(and before anyone brings up his date with jin--a) he enjoyed it when she kissed him, and b) he was a traumatized, abused child going out on a first date. of course he was fucking awkward. have you ever met a teenage boy????)

anyway, uh, that was a lot of words, so have a tl;dr: zuko is not gay-coded. there is nothing uniquely gay (or even uniquely queer) about his character arc or characterization, and he was certainly not coded gay in an attempt to sneak a queer character past the censors. if anyone involved with atla was gonna try that, it would’ve been in lok, and as established, they didn’t even manage to queer-code the actual queer relationship before the last few minutes of the final episode. headcanoning zuko as gay is absolutely fine (though if it’s only done to keep him away from female characters he may otherwise be attracted to, that smells more like misogyny than anything else), but insisting that this reading is the only one that makes sense, and anyone who doesn’t agree must be straight (hello, queer woman here making this insanely long thinkpiece) is very much not.

ship what you like, but stop trying to invalidate other ships and other interpretations of characters just to make your ship seem more plausible. it’s really not a good look.

#atla #zuko #zukka salt #more like zukka shipper salt #atla fandom salt #salt for ts #zuko is not gay coded and im so so tired of seeing that argument in this fandom #it's fine as a hc but it's not canon and was never remotely intended and his arc isn't particularly evocative of a gay narrative #long post #queer things

[bitchapalooza]

I haven't seen any recent backlash for Hetalia x Nyotalia ships, which makes me very happy, but I never understood WHY people got upset about it. Was it because it got in the way of their gay ship or something??? The same lame excuse for hating on Seychelles???

The only character closest to being canonically gay is Sweden, and, off the top of my head, North Italy is canonically bisexual. And then there are a few characters with implied homosexuality or bisexuality but its still open ended enough to let the viewer decide what they think; Germany being a big example here. Germany acted on a misunderstanding and an awful instruction manual. That does not mean canon sexuality, it only implies and leaves room for the audience to write their own conclusions.

Nyotalia is completely different from Hetalia anyway, not just that they're all the opposite gender but because it is stated by Hima himself that the Nyotalia nations are completely different from their Hetalia counterparts. Personality and everything. I like Hetalia x Nyotalia because I love to explore the differing dynamics, same with plain ol' Nyotalia x Nyotalia. There's just so much to it! So much potential!

Germany x Nyo!North Italy for example; Alice is a very forward person, blunt and honest with her romantic and sexual desires, and they are always in control of what they want. They're a stubborn person too. And this challenges Ludwig because he's not used to all these forward advances. Alice constantly pushes him out of his comfort zone(in a good way) and he's always trying to figure out how to adapt to her advances. He likes how Alice takes control because fuck if he knows how to in a romantic relationship!

Germany x North Italy(regular old bi fools); Feliciano is forward a lot but he never takes control(unless its explicitly in the bedroom), he'd rather Ludwig take it instead, but he really doesn't because he doesn't know how. So its really just a bad tango where no one is leading. But they are constantly in a nice spot in their relationship where they don't want to change it. They laugh it off when they both fumble for words to say or continue to brush their hands together while they walk instead of just holding hands. They find it fun and charming in a silly way. Feliciano COULD go smooth sexy talker on Ludwig or take Ludwig's hand but he won't because he wants Ludwig to make the first move. But he won't because he's full of anxiety and lord help this boy, bless him and his gay panicing.

#ngl i think there was a lot of gay fetishizing in the older fandom #which maybe why a lot ppl back then bashed on the female characters in the first place because 'they got in the way' #doesnt make sense to me xjshjs #i honestly always got scared to express my love for nyo!vene x germany or nyo!america x japan #also can i just say my exception for hetalia x nyotalia is sweden? #to me he 100% is gay so i either stick him with anotber guy or ship her nyo counterpart with another nyo #it just feels respectful yknow?? #hetalia

[kneelbeforeclefairy]

Okay my problem with sylki isn't it's selfcest or they're the same person. It's literally fiction, loosen up Tumblr puritans if anyones gonna get down with themselves it's Loki. If it's not your thing, no shame, but there's nothing WRONG with it as, as I've mentioned , it's FICTION, has no bearing on who you ar as person what fictional ships you like, and has no real world consequences because it isn't even possible.

My problem isn't even the "he's bi why can't he be in a gay relationship" cause, yes, why CAN'T he, but he can also be in a "straight" relationship too. That's the point of being bi. Also at least Tom's Loki is gender fluid , Sylvie probably is too, so any realtionship between them is automatically queer cause they're both enby, and neither are a woman or a man .

(but YES it does feel disingenuous of marvel to take a charecter who has had no love interest for SIX MOVIES , and shown no romantic or sexual interest in anyone, reveal he's bisexual and THEN get him together with a woman in the next episode. Like, Loki's bi, and nothing marvel will do can ever take that away from me, but ....it does feel like having your cake and eating it too. We'd be very happy with no love interest too)

It isn't even that I don't like Sylvie herself. I DO. I LOVE her Loki, her version of Loki's life, the ways they're similar, the ways they're different. The way I think she kind of reminds Loki of Thor sometimes (angry blondes gonna hit something she shouldn't hit. Must stop before it gets worse!) (Cause that moment when she was about to kill he who remains , Loki's tactic to calm her down and reasons behind it were eerily similar to him stopping Thor from attacking the frost Giants in movie 1) I think that Sylvie is a rare occurance--a female charecter that is fully developed, has goals and wants of her own, and isn't just a love interest. I would very much like to see more of her.

My problem is. Loki. LOKI Loki. Tom's Loki, is our mail charecter. Main characters must go through charecter development. They must have a WANT and to contrast with it a NEED. they must pursue said WANT and at the end of the day , get not necessarily what they WANT but what they NEED.

So what does Loki WANT? Well in episode one we get a very clear want. Loki wants to destroy the TVA. He wants to figure out who's behind this and get rid of them. Right. Good. That's the plot.

Now we're looking at his internal arc. Mobius lays it out, again, in episode one. Loki is, BAD. He causes pain and suffering wherever he goes and hurts everyone he loves. He does bad things. And his role in this game of destiny is to be Bad, so other can be good. Loki realizes that about himself, and he hates it. He doesn't really want to be Bad. And he certainly doesn't want to be a pawn in others stories. So meld the internal arc, the NEED to the WANT and Loki wants to destroy the TVA so that he can get away from his destiny to hurt people and see what else he's capable of.

(this entire arc was also done a lot better in Ragnarok. )

Okay so. We jump around. Loki tricks people, Loki gains information. He meets Sylvie. Their goals align. Sylvie wants to destroy the TVA. Very well and good.

Now thematically, this is where the want and the need should start switching at the midpoint. The midpoint of the series s of course episode 3, when Loki realizes the TVA isn't all it seems to be and everyone is a varient.

And here's where it falls apart. There's that fun scene with Sif where she criticizes Loki for being a worm or whatever. I thought that was going to go somewhere but it didn't. But after that Loki's plotline fizzles out. He no longer really wants to destroy the TVA, Sylvie does. The show now becomes about HER goal to do that. And Loki's need sort of...disappears. instead of growing or learning something about himself, his need seems to be Love Sylvie. And that doesn't add up.

So either this is EXTREMELY lazy writing.

(yes. Yes it is)

Or someone thought that the way to fulfuil all of Loki's emotional needs--whicj we've seen develop over, let me state this again SIX MOVIES-- were to give him a love interest. Not to mention they thought that was the culmination of his plot NEED. Loki WANTS To destroy the TVA but NEEDS to...fall in love?

There's an argument to be made for a very literal reading of he needs to accept himself, but not only is that not what's being set up here, it's fucking stupid because loving Sylvie who--while they're the same person technically--has had a completely different life, personality, choices, has nothing to do with accepting THIS Loki.

So then we do this main charecter switch. Loki now just follows along Sylvie's goal. He has no more need, and no more real want. Sylvie has a want, but no need either. And the one moment when Loki tries to talk her down, and says he can't risk the universe in exchange for power really falls flat because Loki is not seen to WANT To rule the universe through the tva. He's way past that.

So in an attempt to just tie up loose ends what he got, instead of self actualization, instead of charecter development, instead or ANYTHING, was a kiss.

Because in Hollywoodland, kisses solve everything. And that's where my aro ass jumps off the film school horse and onto the UGKGBVSJJBE keysmash horse. Because they really do believe that it is Good Writing to do that because Love Solves Everything .

And I'm pissy.

#hey remember wjen i went to film school' #loki spoilers

[ambiguousdisorderken]

in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

 Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel.  Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” //  Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

 Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23  – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

 Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references. 

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

 Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

 Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

 Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

 Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is). 

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

#Anonymous #thanks for coming to my ted talk #im posting this at 2:30 am so i'll most likely reblog it at a more reasonable hour ..in case anon is closer to my time zone #why am i even saying this..im sleepy #destiel #answered #destiel episode guide #there might be number/name mistakes because again sleepish.forgive me #long post

[black-rose-writings]

Reading Siege and Storm because I hate myself

To begin, I’d like to state that this is my first read-through and I only have vague idea of the plot I’ve gathered from fanfics and tumblr posts.

Long post ahead

Chapter 1

So... at first I was like - huh, this isn’t as bad as I thought, but the moment Alina gets introspective, it all goes to hell.

Like, she’s being physically made sick by not using her powers, which is making her feel useless - like, she says, pretty much verbatim: “The only thing I was ever good at was being a Sun Summoner and I’m not that anymore.”

I’m gonna beat those paragraphs over the head of anyone, who says Alina got a good ending.

I’ve also noticed just how often the like “I pushed that thought away” is used and more often than not, it’s used on thoughts that should probably not be pushed away.

Ah, yes, here he comes, my boy Darkles, being the dramatic bitch he always is. We get it, you’re the hot villain, tempting the good and pure heroine away from being good and pure.

And I’m just now realizing how many times in this chapter has Alina lamented their lack of privacy. We have to ensure the reader doesn’t hink she’s *gasp* sleeping with Mal.

Chapter 2

What?

Alina is tripping balls while being put under by a Heartrender, got it.

Darkling is being the voice of reason, but I’m getting the distinct feeling it won’t last.

Ivan gets one point, because Alina is in fact a traitor, but he’s also being a cunt, so it doesn’t really count.

Alina at Sturmhond: Do you even care about Ravka?

Me at Alina: Do you?

Chapter 3

“Mermaids are not real”. I’m pretty sure they are in the Grishaverse.

My boy Darkles is still making sense, but Alina is dedicated to being against him just for the hell of it, it seems.

Did this bitch just throw a tantrum, because he told her, what we can assume is the truth? Okay. Like, I get that she’s at best 18, but still. Not exactly the type of protagonist whose head I like being in.

And in that moment, dozens of smut fics were born.

Chapter 4

Wow, that was quick.

Aaand. What had just happened?

Chapter 5

Sturmhond is a funny bitch, I’ll give him that.

And this entire conversation, it seems like Mal’s entire purpose is to stand behind Alina threateningly and repeat what she said, lol.

I’d like to remind Alina (and LB) that a king in an absolutist monarchy (which is what Ravka appears to be) is very much a tyrant. Don’t make it sound like Ravka didn’t have a tyrant before. And at the very least, my boy Darkles seems pretty competent.

A man calling himself a Storm Dog likes dogs. No shit.

Chapter 6

I hate Mal. Dude, this is your girlfriend, maybe like... listen to her? Don’t bludgeon her with the one other guy she was kinda-sorta with, when you are a well known manwhore?

I don’t know man, I don’t like him.

Everyone: You can’t have more than one amplifier, it’s dangerous.

Alina: Haha, sparkles go brrrr

Chapter 7

In other news, pirates are funny.

Holy shit, they have a plane.

That was... a lot. And we’re crossing the Fold again, yay.

Chapter 8

You feel bad for the Volcra but not for the people you’ve left for dead in the Fold last time? Okay.

Baby Volcra. Am I supposed to say “ew” or “aww”? If I tried doing both at the same time, it would probably sound like one.

Jesus fucking Christ this book is a ride.

Did Alina really just have an “oh no, he’s hot?” moment? *sighs*

Puppy boy has a title longer than Daenerys, jesus.

Alina, my dear, you could have waited for a bit before doing that. There’s like thirty soldier with guns around you and you’ve just punched a prince.

Then again, you’ve never been smart, have you?

Chapter 9

For once, I completely agree with him. I know you two have lost your one shared braincell on that first crossing of the Fold but still, that was very dumb of you, Alina.

I’m starting to get why people were calling Nikolai “Darkling light”. Definitelly seems appropriate.

Mal, calm the fuck down, that was the least romantic proposal I’ve ever heard and you know it.

You two didn’t even let Alina get a word in for the last page. What right do you have to her, Mal, huh? Nikolai is making sense and you’re being an idiot.

What’s your deal Mal? What the fuck do you want?

And why in the hell are you the endgame love interest?

That’s an awful lot of guilt-tripping you’re doing there, Mal. No need to be pissy about it.

Chapter 10

The bones thing is definitelly yikes.

Saints, Mal, are you on your period or something? Alina doesn’t belong to you. Alina can make her own choices. Get a grip.

“You think I’m like the Darkling?” Yes. The Darkling isn’t all bad. You’re at war. No need to get your panties in a twist over a few fingers.

Oh, look, Alina has a cult now, nice.

Chapter 11

Your “dad” is a rapist, Nikolai. Quite possibly a pedo. He got exactly what he deserved.

I’d go for the second option. Especially after that stunt. Jesus, you could have asked her beforehand.

At least Darkles had the decency to make out with her in private.

Also like... why is every single person in this series so far an asshole?

Chapter 12

We meet the King again, unfortunately.

Alina gets Darkles’s old job.

This should be a total disaster, but let’s see where it goes anyway.

Chapter 13

Alina’s nuts, yay.

(I know they have a Force-bond-thingy. I also know they did it before Reylo did.)

Chapter 14

Oh boy, Alina’s not doing as bad as I thought.

For the 100th time in this book, I wish I had Nikolai’s confidence. Though it is getting a bit too much.

Puppy boy is dropping some truth bombs. Nice.

But he doesn’t realize that my boy Darkles has very good reasons to not align with Fjerdans - a) they think he’s a demon and b) they want Grisha dead.

I’m not gonna say she was, but like... the monarchy is very much corrupt.

Oh, boy, Baghra. This one’s gonna go well.

Yep, Baghra’s as pleasant as ever.

So... Baghra’s plan in book 1 really had been to just have Alina run away and hope for the best? Jesus Christ, lady. I’m not saying she deserved to have her eyes taken away, but she is definitelly a trash person and I’m not surprised her son turned out the way he did.

Also, I’m fairly certain that Baghra is literally slowly killing herself - that the reason she looks so old and frail is because she’s started to supress her power and it’s literally killing her, because, you know, she’s bonkers old.

Chapter 15

Nerd Alina > Self-pitying Alina

Also, I’m just saying, Alina comments on Zoya being attractive a whole lot - I get that she’s meant to be insecure, but I’m interpreting it as her being gay, because I need some happiness in my life, okay?

Just kill the sleazy old Rasputin-wanna-be. There’s plenty of them to go around in this series.

Chapter 16

Vasily takes after his father in creep factor.

Why not the Darkling being courted by a horny prince? Be a bit creative.

Chapter 17

Nikolai has big ADHD energy and I love him for it. Fits right in with the heavily autism-coded Fabricators.

*sighs at heteronormativity again*

*sighs at improper gendering of titles*

Date night with Mal. This is gonna be a disaster, isn’t it?

Chapter 18

Fun night of cultural appropriation, yay.

I hate cultists.

LET. ALINA. GO. FERAL. Please.

You two are going to give me a headache, I swear.

Darkles cockblocking Alina. And Malice threw a tantrum. Nice.

Chapter 19

You’re way too harsh on Genya, Alina.

Horny Alina rights.

They have a laser, now. Cool. Or, well, enormously hot.

Mal is being a drunk a-hole. Great. When does he become likable? Does he ever?

Banter between Mal and Alina? Kinda weird, always somehow comes back to either of them being insecure.

Banter between Alina and Nikolai? I’m all for it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a Darklina trash, but like... Nikolai is fun. I could see him and Alina having an arranged political marriage and ending up falling in love years into it, that’s all I’m saying.

Chapter 20

Just let this one go, Alina, please. You two are not working out. Please, end it with him. You’ll both probably be happier. (I’m saying this with the full knowledge that Malina is endgame).

Jesus Alina, get your shit together. You have every right to be mad, because you two didn’t actually break up, you didn’t kiss Nikolai and also, I don’t like Mal.

Sooo... when is Alina going to realize her manchild of a boyfriend is an amplifier?

Chapter 21

Alina has the horny sickness, lol.

Jesus Christ, girl, I don’t want to read your vaguely suicidal thoughts.

Mal, you fucking idiot.

Alina, stop defending Mal.

Chapter 22

Alina has a logical thought? Impossible.

Finally, some action.

Chapter 23

Oh, boi, this is going great.

Oh, boi, Alina’s having another martyr moment.

And, we’re done.

Finally.

That was a ride. Nothing really happens for like ten chapters and then everything happens in one and a half.

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #siege and storm #review #darklina #anti mal #I guess #reading binges like this yeet me right back into middle school

[drivingsideways]

Hey talk to me about your top three favourite kdrama women. What makes them special? What's a fic you would like to write about any one of them?

Mystery anon! :D What a lovely ask. 

I’m going to cheat a bit and divide my answer into characters I loved a lot, but do not want to write fic about, because I think the canon gives me what I need; and characters that I loved a lot but NEED TO BE RESCUED ZOMG.  (My fic writing impulses are 50% spite and 50% fix-it )

Caveat being that I’ve still watched only maybe a dozen kdramas, so I’m pretty limited in my knowledge!

Characters that I love a lot, but have very zero fic impulses toward:

Han Yeo-jin from Stranger/Secret Forest: What a delight! What an iconique character! Is there anyone like her? NO. LSY-nim gives us a delightfully complex character, and Bae Doona knocks it out of the park in every single scene, so I’m just happy to be along for the ride. I think what makes Yeo-jin special for me is the intrinsic place of empathy that she operates from.  I think “righteous” is a word that often comes with negative connotations (self-righteous, for eg), but I do think she’s one of the most righteous-in-the-good-way characters I’ve watched in kdrama or any drama. I’m tired of stories that portray goodness as “boring” , as unworthy of narrative breadth or depth, and I love that Han Yeo-jin comes to us like a breath of fresh air in our particular dystopian narratives hellscape. She’s good, but never naive. She’s righteous but never cruel in her moral certainties.  I think that LSY nim, in the second season especially, gave Yeo-jin the kind of arc that character deserved when she’s forced to really dig deep into herself to figure out how she’s going to live in the world in the face of a deeply cutting, deeply personal disillusionment, and I’m really hoping for an S3 to see how that plays out further. 

Goo Hae-ryung from Rookie Historian: Ok, I will admit this may be rose tinted glasses view due to this show being my gateway drug into kdrama, but c’mon! She’s a reader! and a Thinker! And loves her wine! She’s plucky! She’s cute! She’s got a wry sense of humour! She’s got principles! She’s got a solid common sense to her that somehow doesn’t get in the way of her dreaming BIG! Oh dear, doesn’t she sound like the Mary-est of Mary Sues? Good for her.gif,  I say! Anyways, Shin Se-kyung is unutterably charming in this (AS IN EVERY SHOW OMG GIRL) and I just have a huge fondness for free-spirited heroines who get to tramp through the narrative changing the world as they do! 

Lee Ji-an from My Ahjussi: I’ve never had my heart broken more OR restored by any single character. IU is *phenomenal * in this, I think she really stepped up to what the script demanded from her. Ji-an’s weariness, her fear and vulnerability, her prickliness, her anger and her bitterness, and how, despite everything, she fights : GOD. Just. Again, what I love about the writing in this show is that it’s deeply empathetic without being cloyingly sentimental. I think a less, hmm, imaginative writer/PD might have focused on the Lee Ji-an the victim, and while the show definitely tells you in no uncertain terms that she is one,  of both circumstances and a cruel society, I think it refuses to take away her agency over her own life.(Lee Ji-an when we meet her is too busy hanging onto life by tooth and claw to indulge in self-pity, but we also see the toll it takes on her not to be able to say “this is too heavy a burden for me to carry myself and it isn’t my fault”; the show I think approaches Dong-hoon from the opposite side- his emotional isolation is partly a result of his own choices, but he doesn’t see it yet, and so his journey is also about letting people in and sharing the burden, but also recovering his own agency over his life. It’s an interestingly gender-bent arc, which is one of the things I love about this show. )

Ok, can I please add one more?

Hwang Han-joo from Melo is my Nature: She just felt SO real to me. She’s someone who doesn’t have the spectacular brilliance of either Jin-joo or Eun-jung, and struggles with accepting her limitations but not allowing herself to be defeated by them? I love her struggles as a mother, as a working woman in a sexist industry, a woman who’s perhaps having to rethink and reimagine what she wants from romance. I love that she’s a little silly, a lot kind, and an optimist, and just. I just think she’s the bravest of the three, tbh, and I LOVE HER AND I WOULD WATCH A SPIN OFF ABOUT JUST HER (i shouldn’t have faves among the three i know, BUT I DO, IT’S HER, IT’S HER.)

Ok! On to the next section! And I’m going to cheat again because I can’t stop at three. SORRY. NOT SORRY. 

Characters I love and SHOULD write fic for if I weren’t such a tired and lazy bunny:  

Song Sa-hui from Rookie Historian: Oh, girl, girl, GIRL. I love how she fights to snatch her freedom from the jaws of the patriarchy. I love that she unapologetically centers herself while doing that, because she knows that nobody else will.  I love that she’s prickly and calculating. I love that she’s smart and knowledgeable. I am SO HAPPY that she got to carve out a little bit of freedom for herself, even if it also is exile to some degree. She *should * be Emperor Jin’s Prime Minister and steering the ship of state, while also carrying on a tumultous affair with Queen Min Woo-hee, while ALSO commiserating with Emperor Jin about his boyfriend Historian Min Woo-won’s regrettable tendency towards Principles (TM) and masochism-but-not-in-the-fun-way. (This takes up much of his time which is why Song Sa-hui is running the country, of course. It works out well for all concerned, well, except her dad, of course.)

Song Ga-gyeong from Search:WWW: What’s NOT to love about our brilliant, beautiful, emotionally tortured gay icon? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I loved how the show allowed her to be flawed and make bad decisions, and then allowed her to make better decisions and regain control of her life. What I do need to do, of course, is see the CANON LOVE STORY between her and Cha Hyeon through to the end. It must, of course, include at least one baseball game, a lot of tequila and messy beach kisses. 

Oh Ji-hwa from Beyond Evil: Oh boy, this year’s runaway hit cleared the extremely low bar for standard crime/ thriller shows by leaving more than one of its female characters breathing and with all limbs intact, and got called feminist for it BUT it didn’t do justice to any of them in any meaningful way and that never hurt more than in the way they sidelined Kim Shin-rok’s talent by not giving Oh Ji-hwa anything much to do. She’s a tough as nails cop, a loving sister, a devoted but unsentimental friend-and by rights SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE HEROINE OF THIS SHOW. My secret fic fantasy is to rewrite the show entirely by making her , and the two other female characters in non-antagonist roles- Yoo Jae-yi and Im Sun-nyeo- as the central characters, as they investigate a serial killer who targets women.  It’s the only acceptable version of this done-to-death (ha!) genre, I have no idea what the Baeksang jury and tumblr fandom is smoking when they hype the show so much, I want none of it. 

Jung Sun-ah from The Devil Judge: I love her rage, her spite, her passionate defense of women, her style, her sexiness, her rage, her rage, her brilliance, her tenaciousness, her smartness, her clothes, her refusal to hate herself for everything she is and chooses to be, her ambition, her comfort wielding power, her EVERYTHING. Dead, her? NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT. Here’s what *really * happened at the end of canon- she gets out of the building by planting that lady-like but still deadly gun against Kang Yo-han’s temple and making him lead her through his own “secret escape route” or whatever the fuck it was the show wanted us to believe. From there on out, it’s all sunshine and beaches, and scheming and waiting for the right moment to strike again-though of course, this time around, she also has to reckon with vigilant, tenacious cop Soo-hyun -another character who REALLY didn’t die for manpain reasons and had the good sense to leave her gay best friend to follow his psychopath boyfriend to Switzerland or wherever it is that star crossed lovers in kdrama land meet up on the regs these days- anyways, Soo-hyun and her are in this catch-me-if-you-can epic transnational honest and cute cop-and-beautiful sexy villain chase and yes, they WILL kiss (and more) AND IT WILL BE GLORIOUS. 

*whew *

Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk.

#kdrama #thank you for this ask OMG #[fiona apple voice] ladies ladies ladies ladies

[angelsfalling16]

Love You So Much It Hurts

My first ever FirstPrince fic! It was a little rushed, but I hope you all like it!

Summary: Henry is finding it difficult to keep his feelings hidden for any longer, and when Alex confronts him to find out why he's acting so weird, the truth comes out.

Word Count: 2333

Day 1 of Tropetember: friends to lovers au

Read it on ao3

***

Henry has just about had enough. Alex is extremely infuriating, and it’s going to push him over the drink. Drive him into complete insanity and an early grave. Somehow, Alex is oblivious to all of this.

They’re supposed to be studying for midterms next week, but instead, they’re sprawled out across Alex’s bed as he drones on about one of his classes and some kid in the class who is always trying to outdo him. Usually, Henry wouldn’t mind listening to him and would be actively trying to engage with him in the conversation, but today, he’s too busy trying to focus on making sure his heart doesn’t beat out of his chest.

“Hey, are you alright?” Alex asks abruptly, apparently sensing that Henry hasn’t been paying attention to him for the past few minutes.

“Yeah. I think I’m just tired.”

“Then, take a nap,” he suggests. “You look cozy enough in my bed, and I don’t mind.” The offer shouldn’t be weird, but it does weird things to Henry’s chest. It wouldn’t be the first time this has happened.

Neither of them have ever had the best sleep schedules, so they took naps when and where they could, including in each other’s beds. And yes, that occasionally meant waking up with their arms around each other because there wasn’t quite enough space for them to spread out comfortably.

It wasn’t something they ever really talked about. It was just something they did. Even after Henry came out to Alex during his junior year of high school. Alex made sure that he knew they were still friends and that nothing was going to change between them just because Henry liked guys.

Henry was both relieved and a little wounded by that. On one hand, he was glad that Alex was neither angry nor disgusted with him. On the other hand, he was harboring a huge crush for his best friend, and it hurt to know that he would never feel the same way.

And right now, those feelings have only gotten worse, and it feels wrong to sleep in Alex’s bed. Like maybe he’s taking advantage of him or something.

“I thought you had a date tonight. With Sheila. Or was it Shane?” Definitely something that started with a ‘sh’ sound. “I don’t want to be in the way.”

“Don’t worry. That won’t be a problem.”

“Don’t try to pretend like Alex Claremont-Diaz doesn’t fuck on the first date. You and I both know that that is far from the truth. That’s practically all you do.” He accidentally lets a little bitterness slip into his tone, and Alex gives him a weird look.

“I, uh, just meant that I could go to their place instead.”

“Oh. Right.” Henry hadn’t thought about that. In fact, he very much tried not to think about who Alex went home with because that only tore new and deeper wounds into his heart.

He’s honestly not sure how much more of this he can take.

Alex is his best friend in the whole world, but maybe living together was a mistake.

It’s not like he hasn’t known since forever that he has feelings for Alex, but this is different. It’s like something has shifted between them ever since they moved into this apartment together. It just kind of made sense. Alex is in his second year of college and Henry his third, and they knew that they could get along because they practically lived at each other’s houses when they were younger. 

But something about spending most of their time together and seeing sleepy Alex in the morning pre-coffee every day has caused him to fall in so deep that he knows he has no hope of every getting out of this hole he has dug for himself. And when Alex came out to him as bi shortly after they moved in together, Henry allowed himself to fill with hope. Maybe Alex could like him after all.

But then he kept bringing home someone new every week, whoever had caught his eye in one of his lectures, and it started to hurt.

Henry is in love with him, and he can’t pretend like that doesn’t have some effect on their relationship. Like it doesn’t kill him to see Alex with someone else, especially these people who don’t deserve someone as incredible as him.

“You know, I could always cancel and stay home,” Alex says, placing a hand on his arm.

“Why would you do that?”

“Because something is obviously upsetting you, and I hate to leave you alone in this state.”

Henry shakes him off and slides off the bed. “I’m fine. I’m not actually tired anymore. I think I’ll go study in my own room. Have fun on your date tonight,” he adds politely.

He shuts himself in his room but doesn’t sleep or study. He just slumps to the floor against his door and tries to find a solution for all of this.

He could move out at the end of the semester. Transfer schools and never talk to Alex again.

That’s a terrible idea, he knows. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them, but especially Alex, who hasn’t actually done anything wrong.

He just can’t seem to think rationally when it comes to Alex. He makes him so mad that he wants to hit him, but he also wants to kiss that infuriating grin off his face. He wants to fall asleep next to him and make him breakfast in the morning. He wants to take him on a romantic date and then make him forget about every other person he has ever had in his bed. He wants to make Alex his.

But he can’t because Alex doesn’t see him that way, and he has to find a way to deal with that before it wrecks their friendship.

***

A little over an hour later, there’s a knock at Henry’s bedroom door. That’s weird. Alex never knocks. He usually just comes blazing in, talking a mile a minute, barely giving Henry any time to catch up. But when Henry opens the door for him, he’s unusually quiet.

“Aren’t you supposed to be on your date?”

“Yes, but I canceled because there is something more important that I need to do.”

“And what would that be? Find someone better looking?” Henry asks, hating himself for the way that his jealousy makes him act. He turns away from the door and goes to sit on the end of his bed, putting some distance between them.

“Noo,” Alex says slowly, giving him another weird look. “I need to be here for my best friend. Even if he is mad at me for some reason. Seriously. What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing. It’s like I told you earlier; I’m just tired.”

“You’re always tired, which is terrible, and I wish you would get more sleep. But this is more than that. You’ve been avoiding me for a while now and acting really weird about me dating people. I hate to have to ask this, but are you actually not okay with my being bi? Does it bother you?”

“What? Of course not. I accept you fully for who you are, and I’m glad you told me.”

“Then what’s going on? Because I spent the last hour running around the block and trying to figure out what I did to upset you, and that was all I could come up with.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Not everything is about you, remember? This is something that I have to deal with on my own.”

Alex steps farther into the room and settles on the edge of the bed, close enough to Henry to touch him but not close enough that it will be accidental.

“You don’t have to go through anything on your own. I’m here and I care about you, and I would do anything to make you happy.”

“I know, and that’s why I—.” Henry just barely cuts himself off before he just comes out and says the one thing he has been trying so hard not to say. “I just don’t want to burden you with this. It would ruin our friendship, and I don’t want to lose you.”

“God, Henry. What’d you do? Kill someone?”

“No. Of course not.”

“Then what could possibly be so bad that you can’t tell me? We tell each other everything, even the truly embarrassing things we wish we could forget. What could possibly be so bad that you can’t tell me?”

Henry groans and pulls at his own hair. He can’t do this. He can’t tell him the truth. But he can’t keep hiding it from him either. He has to make a decision. So, with a deep breath, he makes it.

“I’m in love with you.”

He can’t bear to look at Alex, doesn’t want to see his expression and know how disgusted he is with him. He wonders if it’s too late to take it back but doesn’t want to. Even though he knows the destruction that those five words can cause, he’s glad that they’re out there. It was killing him to keep them in. He just wishes Alex would say something so that he knew whether or not he should start packing his things.

Finally, Henry glances over at him, and he’s just sitting there looking stunned. Henry thinks that, maybe for the first time in his life, Alex is absolutely speechless. He never thought he’d see the day. He only wishes it wasn’t due to what he just said.

“Look, it doesn’t have to change things. I mean, I know it will change some small things. But like, we can still be friends. If you want.” He’s rambling in a fashion very unlike him, but he can’t seem to stop. “Or I can leave. I never meant for you to find out, and I don’t want it to ruin things. But if you’re weirded out by it, I get it.”

“Just. Give me a minute to process. And don’t go anywhere. The last thing I would ever want is for you to leave,” he says earnestly, finally looking at Henry.

Henry nods. He doesn’t want him to leave so that’s something. That’s better than telling him to get out of his sight and never return. It’s already better than the way that Henry’s family acted when they found out he was gay; they just pretended not to hear him. Only his sister acknowledged him, accepting him fully and helping him move out as soon as he graduated high school. He still doesn’t talk to them that much, which is why he’s so fucking terrified of losing Alex.

He’s part of his family. He just hopes he hasn’t screwed that up by loving him too much and passing a line he shouldn’t have.

When Alex is presumably done processing, he reaches out to place his hand over Henry’s. Which doesn’t tell him anything.

They’ve held hands before. But it didn’t mean anything. They were always really close, almost like brothers, except not because Henry couldn’t keep his stupid gay heart from falling for him.

“So. You’re in love with me?” Alex finally says.

“Yes. I do believe we’ve established that already.”

“I know. I just.” He pauses and takes a breath. “Do you know how I realized I was bi?”

“By getting drunk and hooking up with some random guy?”

“No,” he says, shaking his head and smiling a little. “Because I moved in here with you, and during the first week of living together, I saw you step out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel slung over your hips, and I couldn’t stop thinking about all of that exposed skin and how badly I wanted to touch it. Then I went to some stupid party and got stupid drunk and made out with some random guy with blond hair that was nowhere near as soft as yours. But all that time, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. And I was so terrified of what it all meant, not because it meant that I liked guys but because it meant that I liked you. And I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you.”

It’s Henry’s turn to smile as he realizes what Alex is saying. “So, basically, we’re both idiots.”

“Um, speak for yourself. I’m doing great in my classes.”

Henry laughs and shoves him. But then he keeps one of his hands on him, wrapped around his arm, not wanting to let go.

“I had no idea you liked me. You were always with someone else, and I hated it,” Henry admits quietly.

“Hey, look at me.” Alex brings his hand up to gently cup Henry’s jaw and tilts his head so that their eyes meet. “None of them meant anything to me. They were just a way for me to try to forget about you. Of course, it didn’t work because every time they left, you were still there looking gorgeous as all hell.”

The corner of Henry’s mouth quirks up. “You think I’m gorgeous?”

“Yes. And I love you. I’m sorry it took so long for me to realize it.”

Henry shakes his head. “You don’t have to apologize.”

“Alright. Well, can I kiss you?”

“Yes.” So he does, taking Henry’s face in both of his hands before pulling him down into the best kiss he’s ever had.

It’s soft at first as they tentatively learn each other’s mouths. Then, Henry sighs and Alex slides his tongue over his lips, and the kiss deepens.

It’s everything that Henry has ever dreamt of and more. It’s perfect.

He’s not entirely sure this means that they’re a couple now, but he hopes it does. For the moment, though, he’s content to wrap himself around Alex and kiss him until they both forget where they are.

Henry loves him and Alex loves him back, and that’s all that matters right now.

#firstprince #rwrb #red white and royal blue #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #my writing #love you so much it hurts #its a first kiss fic #bc that's what I'm good at #lol #i'm really nervous about posting this #but it makes me want to write a more drawn out childhood friends fic for them #hmm #tropetember

[purpleivy12]

Misunderstandings

Pairing: Romantic Logince, Platonic Logicality, Background Mociet (Can be interpreted as platonic or romantic)

Word Count: 1887

Summary: Logan has been in love with Roman for ages. Roman couldn’t like him back... right? 

Warnings: Cursing, Crying, Fighting, Misunderstandings

Logan had a problem. It was a bit of a big problem too. The issue wasn’t the problem itself, no- Logan loved problems, loved coming up with solutions for them, loved thinking up new ways to solve them, loved being able to come at things from an analytical and logical standpoint to figure it out. But… this problem was more abstract than that…

It was, purely emotional- to put it simply. And of course it had to be the most confusing, strange, convoluted emotion of all. Love. Even saying it made Logan’s head spin. Who would have thought that the one thing that distracted Logan and kept him from working would be- Roman. 

Roman, who Logan once saw his outbursts and fits of passion as annoying, now saw that they were Roman expressing his love for things- going on about the things he cared about, talking about his dreams and what he loved, his eyes lighting up, his voice getting excited. How Logan longed to be the subject of one of those rambles.

Roman, who’s optimism and brightness and joy had once frustrated Logan, now made the corner of his mouth twitch up into a smile whenever he ever thought about it- he saw how Roman’s outlook on life let him be who he was.

Logan saw how Roman put his entire soul, his whole being, into the things that he created, saw how he put his soul into all of his creations, saw how he would stay up until ungodly hours of the morning just to put finishing touches onto a project, making sure that it was perfect, just how he wanted.

Oh, how could Logan ever measure up?

Logan could frequently be found in the memory archives- looking back at Roman, looking at the things he did- his smile, his laugh, him talking about his ideas… and most of the time, Logan would leave happy- would leave with a  smile on his face.

But not today.  Today, Logan felt his throat close up as he looked at the first memory, he felt his eyes sting as he watched- and as he set the memory away he felt tears roll down his cheeks. Because why, why in the world would Roman ever love him? Why would he ever love Logan, who couldn’t even find the courage to tell him how he felt, couldn’t even get out his feelings? Logan, who did his best to try not to show emotion, when Roman did the opposite, displaying how he felt with pride. 

And of course, it was Logan’s luck that Patton happened to be in the archives that day. Patton’s cheery voice could be heard as he walked through the archives.

“Logan? Are you in here? Roman and I were working on something and we wanted help finding the memory of-” but then Patton abruptly cut himself off when he saw Logan, leaning against the bookshelf nearest to him, a hand clapped over his mouth, trying to stop crying and breathe normally. “Logan? What’s wrong?” he asks worriedly, moving closer to the other.

Logan’s eyes widened because, shit- no one was supposed to know that he had feelings or that he could cry.

 “I-I’m quite alright, P-Patton, really.” Logan says shakily, sniffling. Patton doesn’t buy it for a second, and he quickly moves forwards, wrapping Logan in his arms. 

“You clearly aren’t, Lo.” he tells the logical side, wrapping him in his arms. And then Logan is done. He collapses into Patton’s arms and he’s openly sobbing now, too far gone to care about try to stifle his cries. Patton gently shushes him, sinking to the floor, sitting there and holding Logan in his arms. Patton gently rubbed his back, letting Logan cry against him. 

After Logan calms, Patton keeps his arms around him, not moving away from him just yet. “Lo… what got you so upset?” he asks him, his forehead creased in worry. 

“I…” Logan doesn’t know how to answer that. How to say that he was constantly in a state of emotional torment, full of longing for something, someone, that he obviously cannot have. “I love him.” he decides is the best way to start. “And every time I see his smile I want to kiss him until the sun explodes and consumes the Earth- and every time he sings I want to listen to him for hours, and every time his stupid optimism overtakes him it makes me want to shelter him from whatever could possibly dim it. But it… hurts. Because I know that this is one sided, I know that he’d never love me the same. And… this pain… I’m okay with it. Because I’m dull and plain and everything that he isn’t. I’ve decided that this hurt… that’s what love is. Not the glittery fantasies that he wants, and I know I will never be able to give that to him.  And even though he’ll never love me the same, I’ve decided to hold onto this little glimmer of hope that he will.” Logan says, and he takes a breath in, and somewhere during his monologue Logan had started crying- he didn’t know when- but he slips off his glasses, wiping the tears with his sleeve. 

Patton is silent for a long moment, before he speaks softly. 

“Logan- first off, you might want to look into a future in poetry, that was a beautiful monologue- and second, please, don’t take this in the wrong way- you’ve got to be incredibly dense if you believe a single word you just said.” he tells him firmly. “You’re not bland, or boring, or anything else that you said- and if anything else- you two are like the sun and the moon- Roman is the sun, and you are the moon, reflecting back the best parts of him. And sure, you two may technically be opposites- but you compliment each other perfectly- and in the end, you belong together.” he tells him. 

Logan doesn’t believe him. It’s apparent from the look on his face that he doesn’t. “Thank you Patton, for calming me.” he tells him, before he moves to stand, getting up and off of the floor where he and Patton had been sitting, leaving Patton frowning on the floor. “I’m afraid that I’ve used up time supposed to be spent working for… this. I have much to do. Good day.” he bids, before turning to go, leaving Patton on the floor to watch as he went. 

------------

It was a few days after everything had happened- Patton slowly was growing more and more worried about the logical side, and it had gotten to the point where he had decided to enlist Janus’ help- telling him what had happened with Logan, and with his help- the two decided that they would attempt to get the two of them together- as Roman and Logan seemed content to ignore their feelings like one would ignore weird noises in the night in hope that they would go away. 

Over these days- they had tried to force the two to talk about their feelings- to no avail and much to Logan’s annoyance, because he’d rather ignore these feelings until they went away, thank you very much. 

Because of Janus and Patton’s constant trying to get Logan to speak to Roman, it was only natural that Logan constantly had Roman on his mind. It was quite annoying- and while Logan sometimes enjoyed entertaining the thoughts of a relationship with Roman, it was becoming all-consuming to the point where he wouldn’t be able to get any work done, and if Logan hated anything, it was functioning suboptimally. 

It didn’t help that said creative facet had just currently walked straight (or gay, depending on how you look at it), into Logan’s room, causing the other to let out a groan of annoyance, shuting his laptop as Roman flopped down onto the bed. 

“Do you need something, Roman?” Logan asks, his voice coming out a little harsher than he intended for it to. 

“Yeah, actually- I was wondering what was up with you? Did I do something wrong?” he asks, frowning a bit as he looked at Logan, his tone not the best as well- going off of Logan’s. 

“No- you didn’t do anything.” Logan says, his tone clearly dismissive. 

“Oh- really? Because you’ve been glaring at me for a few days now, and avoiding me as well.” he tells him, getting a bit upset with him. Bad enough that Logan didn’t like him- he was ignoring him too- any hope that Roman may have had was now thoroughly squashed. 

“Yeah, like you know what it’s like to be ignored.” Logan mutters, sending a glare Roman’s way. Roman’s mouth opens and closes at that- not sure how to respond, but with-

“What the fuck is your problem!?” he asks, wincing at that, because of course Roman messed this up, of course he insults Logan, shit, he can’t do anything right can he?

“You’re the problem!” Logan shouts suddenly, because Roman /is/ the problem, and the problem is that he can’t just stop thinking about him, whipping around  and looking at Roman, causing Roman to sit up, blinking.

Roman flinches at the shout. …oh. He’s the problem. /He’s/ the /problem/. Because Roman is always nothing more than a problem, isn’t he? Nothing more than an obstacle, constantly in people’s way, constantly in Logan’s way, making it harder to do his job, messing up everything that he had to do. Roman had ignored him, just like Logan had said- and now Logan hated him and Roman would never have a chance- and oh no, Roman was selfish too because here he was, only thinking about how this meant that he didn’t have a chance and- 

“Roman- stop-” Logan says, abruptly breaking Roman out of his thoughts. The room had begun to blur around the edges- everything becoming just a little bit fuzzy- Roman’s spiral affecting the room. “That’s not what I meant I-” 

Roman looks over at Logan. “Then what did you mean?” he asks, confused.

“Damnit- Roman, I’m in love with you!” Logan says, looking over at him. “You- what?” Roman asks, too stunning to even speak properly. He couldn’t believe that Logan- Logan- actually liked him. “You- you’re serious?” he asks.

“Yes! You’re amazing and wonderful and god, you’re practically my entire world at this point but I couldn’t tell you because you wouldn’t like me and holy shit I told you and you don’t like me-” he says, realizing that he’d confessed about ¾ way through his confession. 

“I wouldn’t like you? Logan you’re the one who wouldn’t like me!” Roman tells him, and he gets closer to Logan, moving closer, and gently reaches out a hand, extending it to Logan. 

“You- you like me?” Logan asks hesitantly, and when he gets a nod of confirmation, instead of taking the hand, he leans down, grabbing Roman by the sash and pulling him up for a kiss, crashing their lips together. Roman lets Logan pull him up, absolutely melting into it, his eyes closing as he let Logan lead it- after a moment, the two of them pulling away. 

“Seems we were both wrong, weren’t we Specs?” Roman asks with a little smile. 

“It seems we were.” Logan agrees, before kissing him again. 

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