#everyone calling them toxic is going straight to hell btw

[mademoisellehypergamy]

✨ CREATING A PERSONA FOR HYPERGAMY & SOCIAL CLIMBING  ✨

The votes are in and “Persona” won! Ladies, get the notebooks out. Class is in session. And this is gonna be a long one.

Be honest with me: Are you currently your ideal woman? The majority of you will probably answer honestly and say no. And there’s nothing wrong with admitting that. The harsh reality is most women on their hypergamous journey aren’t even close to being the ideal woman they aspire to be. Hell, the average woman (hypergamous or not) will probably live her life never being able to become that woman, if we’re being completely honest here.

I believe every hypergamous woman should create and adopt a persona. You are who you believe to be. When I was younger, my teachers and parents told me I was academically gifted. So guess what? I believed the same! That pushed me to work even harder in school. Same concept applies here. You are who you believe to be. A persona isn’t a “fake” version of you. It is you. Your ideal person. It is malleable, so it can change at anytime. Just like you changed throughout your life.

STEP 0 - WHY YOU SHOULD ADOPT A PERSONA

✨Not Everyone Will Win the Birth Lottery. But that doesn’t mean you can’t rewrite your past, and repave your future path. Let’s face it: some of you were born into bad circumstances; abusive families, poverty, toxic relationships, obstacles and barriers, etc. And some of you are living lives currently that you aren’t satisfied with: stressful job, health issues, bad environment, *insert sob story here*, blah, blah, blah, woe is me!  But should your current and past conditions get in the way of your hypergamous journey? No! Absolutely not. 

✨You Can’t Be the Same Basic B*tch Forever. Okay b*tch, when you were being “true to yourself” in the past, look where it got you. Probably in a less than favorable situation. Congratulations for being an authentic basic b*tch! 🥳😊

Ladies, change is necessary. When you started your hypergamous journey, you underwent a change. Are you saying your hypergamous self is fake? Of course it isn’t! It’s still you, just an “elevated you”. One that is more aware and knows what she wants. 

✨ Most People Don’t Even Know Who TF They Are. It’s sad, but true. Most people are lost and suppressing their true desires and personality. I’m here encouraging you ladies to create your ideal persona and to become this woman. Because this woman is who you are deep inside, who you want to be. Stop hiding her! Create her, and become her! As long as this person isn’t harming anyone, there is no reason you shouldn’t chase your dream self.

STEP 1 - CHOOSE & CREATE YOUR PERSONA

This is the fun part ladies! Time to choose and create your new persona!

✨ What Kind of Woman Do You Aspire to Be?  Have fun with this ladies! What kind of woman have you always dreamt of becoming? Is she wildly intelligent and beautiful? Or perhaps she has a heart of gold and is adored by all?  Nothing is off limits. This is you.

For those of you who are truly struggling, below I have included a few examples of common personas. If you don’t know where to begin, choose one as the “foundation” and build on it. Make it your own!

*Disclaimer: Anyone that I mentioned/included below is simply for inspiration. Not all of these women are hypergamous. This is just for inspiration*

1. The Socialite/ The “It” Girl: This is the girl that everyone knows. She’s always at a party with a glass of champagne, wearing the latest styles, and living the BEST life. She’s glamorously unattainable and few have access to her, but somehow she’s a part of every social circle.

Inspiration: Jamie Chua (https://www.instagram.com/ec24m/)

2. The Traveler: This is the girl that travels constantly. Whether it’s across the globe or to a different state/town, she’s always on the go! No one seems to know how she funds her lifestyle because she always appears to be traveling and never working. Her pictures are always on point and high quality, with a combination of bikini pictures, relaxing scenery, exotic foods, and endless hotels.

Inspiration: Jennifer Tuffen (https://www.instagram.com/izkiz/)

3. The Influencer: Think of the ultimate Instagram Baddie; perfect body (usually because of surgery), full lips, carefully applied makeup, nails always done, hair on point. She is sponsored by all the clothes brands, and lives lavishly. She’s always out at a restaurant and traveling. Typically dresses in more revealing clothes/lots of bikinis.  What differentiates her from the Socialite? The degree of elegance and class. While the Socialite gives you an “heiress” vibe, the Influencer is more on the “flashy celebrity” side.

Inspiration: Kaylar Will (https://www.instagram.com/kaylarwill/)

4. Femme Fatale: She rarely posts on social media, but when she does, it only makes you question her existence more. This girl is beautifully sensual, and her social media only reveals bits and pieces of her life. She is an entire mystery, no one knows about her private life. One day she’ll be flying from London, the next she’ll be visiting an art gallery  She’ll sometimes post images of gifted roses with poetry captions. She oozes seduction and dark mystery. 

Inspiration: Dita Von Teese (https://www.instagram.com/ditavonteese) Now I thought long and hard about who to choose for this one, and if you take a moment to look at Dita’s IG account, you will understand why. You will notice that the ONLY thing she posts about is her clothes/lingerie brand or things relating to business. She reveals nothing about her personal life. Every post is promotion about her business. In fact, the last time she posted something about her “life” was on October 8th when she posted her CAT modeling another designer’s scarf. She’s a very discreet woman, and it works in her favor.

5. Girl Next Door: You know that basic b*tch that’s SUPER popular for no reason? This is her. From her Starbucks to her Tiktoks, she’s just your average girl living her life. In a way, she isn’t a threat because she seems approachable, relatable, and friendly enough through social media. Something about her aspires others that they can achieve a similar lifestyle. She’s terribly basic, but somehow, it works. 

Inspiration: Loren Gray (https://www.instagram.com/loren/)

6. Exotica: *This persona is best suited for women of color* She is exotically beautiful and unique. She is a trendsetter, not a follower. She has an air of heightened sexuality, with a touch of grounded-spirituality. Something about her is wild and untamed, and she oozes excitement and adventure. 

Inspiration: Monica Leon, or “Danger”. Now if you’re in my generation, you may remember the reality show “For the Love of Ray J” (which was ghetto btw💀). To this day, one girl that I will NEVER forget on that show, was “Danger”, the girl with the tiger tattoo on her face and that NO ONE liked, but Ray J was obsessed with. Although she no longer is on Instagram (and has since legally changed her name), I still believe she naturally embodied that exotic and mysterious woman persona. I recommend watching the show for free on Youtube just to observe her (and only her because the other women were pickme’s  💀)

7. The Luxurious Diamond: This woman is the epitome of class and elegance. She exudes femininity and grace, and holds an air of mystery by only showing us bits and pieces of her life. What we see is soft luxuries, wineries, beautiful clothes/scenery, and a life of comfort. She balances a mature, elegant, ladylike presence, with subtle girly-youthfulness. 

Inspiration: Г-жа Анисимова   https://www.instagram.com/creme_de.la_femme/

✨How Does She Look Like? From her hair to how she wears her makeup, be able to create a vivid description of her appearance. Being able to do this will show you where to work on with your current appearance.

✨Personality We all have traits about ourselves that we don’t like. This is your chance to identify your traits that you love and maximize them, while also working on the aspects of your personality that are a bit more problematic.

It’s important to recognize that some “negative” traits are not really negative. Society just shames us for them. For example, “The Socialite” persona may be polite, but that doesn’t mean she’s super open and friendly with everyone. Not everyone is her friend, and she is naturally unattainable. So why would she be super friendly to everyone? Some may call her “standoffish”, but I call it “selective”.

✨Past Self? Not a Problem.  So let’s say you had a less than perfect childhood and endured a lot of trauma. Not a problem, just reinvent your past! Now I’m not saying to straight up lie and make up a crazy story about how you grew up with billionaire parents and traveled the globe. I’m saying adopt a realistic story that’ll help you on your journey. 

For example, if your date were to ask about your past, instead of telling him how tragic your childhood was and how you were homeless and abused by your parents, and no longer have a relationship with them, you can say: “I moved around a lot as a child (“homelessness”), so I really enjoyed being able to interact with a lot of different people (make the negative seem positive). My parents still move around a lot, so it’s hard for us to meet (explains why you aren’t in contact with your parents). 

Reword and reframe, ladies. Not everyone needs to know everything.

STEP 2 - BRING HER TO LIFE

✨Remove. You cannot embrace your new persona, your new IDENTITY, if you are still stuck in the past. And that includes past connections that do not serve you. Some of your old friends (college friends, childhood friends, etc.) are not meant to accompany you on this journey. And that’s OKAY. Same with other toxic relationships in your life, family included. You will have to decide who to keep, and who to distance yourself from.

✨ Social Media! I’ve mentioned this in an earlier post, but social media is the easiest way for you to push your new persona. You control the content that goes on your social media, so even if you haven’t fully embodied your new persona, you can sure as hell fake it on social media. 

- Unless your persona is a socialite/influencer type, avoid posting too often. - Be consistent; if you retouch your images, make sure its consistent with all your photos. - Be mindful of what people tag you in/post about you. You know that “friend” who always posts the ugliest pictures of you? Yeah. They’re not your friend, hun. 

✨Dress. The. Part. Okay, sis. You can have the personality down perfectly, but if the look doesn’t match, no one will buy it. Your look is the first thing people notice, so invest in it. It doesn’t cost a lot, especially with fast fashion sites like Shein that sells clothes for $5. Just be able to keep up the appearance.

✨ Immerse Yourself in the Environment.  Looking the part and having the right personality is not enough, ladies! It wouldn’t make sense for you to be a “Socialite” sharing pictures of you eating at Red Lobster and Olive Garden every night. It wouldn’t make sense for the “Traveler” persona to share only bathroom selfies in her apartment. You have to live like the woman you aspire to be, and that includes placing yourself in those environments.

If you are not in the place financially to do so, learn to project the image without spending money. Ex: If you can’t afford to go to Hawaii, go to your local beach and take bomb ass pictures. Don’t tag the location. People will automatically see a beach in your picture and assume you are on vacation traveling. Get creative, ladies. 

✨You Owe Them Nothing. Ladies! Remember you don’t owe anyone anything. Not an explanation, not your time, nothing. So if you are living this new persona and people are asking questions you don’t want to answer: don’t. This is your life. 

STEP 3 - YOUR PERSONA WHILE DATING HYPERGAMOUSLY & SOCIAL CLIMBING

So now that you have created your ideal persona, and taken the steps to incorporate it into your life, how can you use your newfound persona to aid you on your hypergamous journey and while social climbing?

✨Infiltrate New Circles. Your persona should be someone exciting and enticing. People love befriending people who are happy and adventurous. Use your persona to befriend others and enter new social circles. You can do this through: - Social media; follow similar accounts to yours and interact with them. - Activities related to your persona; Let’s say you adopted the “The Luxurious Diamond” persona and started visiting wineries. You may notice when you go that there are regulars; identify the regulars and use your common interest of wine to strike a conversation. -Interest groups; join clubs/groups that help you reach your goals. For example, “The Traveler” may have always wanted to travel to Bali, but didn’t want to go alone. She joins a travel group to meet other likeminded inviduals and meets a travel buddy. This person ends up introducing her to others who also enjoy traveling.

✨ Be a Chameleon. You should  never be set on just one persona. Like I said earlier, your persona should always be malleable. You should be able to change yourself to your benefit, and always be open to expansion. When it comes to dating, a man may “want” a certain type of woman, but the secret is that most men just want a woman who is open to possibilities.  I remember a man who used to be on my roster who loved music. This man was always insisting on taking me to operas and symphonies. And he too was a musician (I really don’t like dating musicians, but that’s a topic for another day), so whenever he was performing he would have me sitting in the box so I’d have an “undisturbed” experience.  Now ladies, I’m not into music AT ALL.  But I was open and willing, and guess what? The man adored it, and he adored me even more! He spoiled me like crazy and would serenade me with music he wrote about me because I was his “muse”. Although I ended up ghosting him, I definitely appreciate a good opera now! 

✨Be Larger than Life to Entice. The attractive part about these personas is the fact that it feels almost fake. The image that is portrayed is almost mythical, like something out of a fantasy. You can’t believe this girl is traveling so much, or you can’t believe this girl still has a social life in the middle of a pandemic! It’s unbelievable, but that’s what makes us so intrigued. Men especially love fantasy. That’s why many men have a “dream girl”, a woman that embodies their physical and emotional fantasies. They love the impossible. It’s also important to remember that you are always being watched. People see you, whether in person or on social media, and when they see someone or something more interesting than their mundane life, curiosity will get the best of them. They’ll be drawn to you and want to know you.

✨ The Persona Advantage. Creating a persona is supposed to help your journey. The purpose is to reinvent yourself into someone who will help you better navigate your hypergamous life.  For example, if you are trying to get into more exclusive, affluent circles, creating a persona who is skilled in social and dining etiquette would be more beneficial than a persona that’s an Instagram Influencer. Being an Instagram Baddie that wears Fashion Nova won’t help you at a Charity Gala. So be sure to think of what you desire in life to shape yourself into that. Don’t just become someone who won’t get you to where you want to be. 

This post will definitely have a Part 2 in the future, but in conclusion: You can be whoever you want to be as long as you play the role. Be an actress in your own life, and live the life you desire.

Well ladies, I’ll be away for Valentine’s day weekend. Wishing you all a wonderful and safe weekend ❤️ Lots of love.

Follow my IG for more: @mademoisellehypergamy

#mhlessons #hypergamy #hypergamous #black hypergamy #hypergamy tips #black femininity #keptwoman #kept wife #spoiled girlfriend #spoiled gf #spoiled heaux #black girls in luxury #black women in luxury #luxury lifestyle #black women in leisure #black women in femininity #sugaring tips #sugaring

[twoidiotwriters1]

Hollywood!AU -(Anne xFem!Reader)

A/N: Warning, this is LONG and ends up abruptly. I hope it was somehow near to what you were imagining! -Danny

Request: 🍇-Ik I'm late but I rly wanted to try this out. So the characters and me and a girl named 'angie' Anne. It's basically set in hollywood and they both are enemies, but they grow fond of each other over time and start dating. Paparazzi interfere and what not (i'm bored). Can you make it really angst and some smuts? (I'm a bi girl, btw) @nandos-hub-for-dumbasses​

Warnings: Mentions of smut and sad cuties

Twoidiots Masterlist

Okay so, you guys kinda grew up in the industry so you became “enemies” while being really young

And it was probably a silly fight, or maybe your parents put you against each other, or maybe you were always competing for the big parts on tv shows and movies

The point is that by the time you guys were seventeen you hated each other with a burning passion (as any seventeen-year-old does)

Then it happened: You were casted as best friends for an indie teen movie

You really wanted to refuse, but Ruby (your irl best friend) did her best to convince you against it

This could be your big break (and it was)

But only bc the chemistry you and Anne had on screen was ??? so wholesome and great???

You even made a sequel 

And then it became a trilogy, with your characters going to different schools by the time they graduate HS so it’s really cheesy and heartfelt

but Anne and you actually worked out your differences during the process and by the time you finish the third movie you both actually cry bc you won’t work together again??

You keep in touch but both of you have projects and things to do, until three years later when you both are invited to the Oscars and HOLY FUCK ANNE IS HOT NOW???

Like sure she was always beautiful, which was part of the reason why you kinda disliked her but omg right now you wouldn’t mind it if she kicked you in the face

Anne sees you and rushes over to hug you, the paparazzi are going WILD this is the reunion of the bffs from that movie everyone used to love!!

In the middle of the ceremony you even convinced THE Marilla Cuthbert (amazing actress) to switch seats with you so you can spend the rest of the night with Anne

The after party’s wild, everyone’s there. Funnily enough, you can’t recall most of the faces bc all you can remember of that night is 1-you ended up drunk as hell and 2-right before you two started drinking Anne had already made out with you in the bathroom

What came next was pretty much the best time of your life. Dates, nightcalls, instagram stories, suddenly a month turned into six, then nine...

As twenty-something-year-olds, you and Anne have tons of offers falling into your laps, Anne gets a call for a casting call and she gets the main role.

This main role happens to have a romantic interest. Who turns out will be played by none other than Gilbert John Blythe.

He’s been in the industry for like two, maybe three years. But the kid’s a charmer, he’s got brains and he’s beautiful. Everyone loves him. 

And everyone wants Anne to love him as well. 

You get tons of video recs on youtube titled “Anne and Gilbert in love for ten minutes straight” or “everytime Anne undresses Gilbert with her eyes”

It’s alright, you’ve seen this before, and you can’t blame them, they have an amazing chemistry in the show and it’s only natural that people wants that to be real

But god, the toxic fans are the worst, the comments about “imagine having to say goodbye to Gil only to go home and find Y/N there... disgusting”

You should stop reading those comments, really you should. They’re unhealthy, and these people don’t even know you

You manage to ignore most of it until the press releases the pictures: Anne and Gilbert walking out of some random restaurant in the city where they film the show... kissing.

Angry doesn’t even start to describe you rn. You’re seething, you’ve been humiliated, your twitter and your texts are both blowing up with notification. 

Anne calls you at least thirty times before she stops trying.

She finished season one and takes the first flight back to you, and it takes all of her courage, but she goes to your house as soon as she lands safely. 

Then two hours pass before you open the door. 

You were out with Ruby getting wasted, so when you get home you come face-to-face with Anne sitting on your driveway and crying her eyes out thinking you’re just ignoring her.

She sees you and she stands up, you try to escape and ignore her, you tell her you don’t wanna know, that she should move on and forget you bc she’s clearly happy with Gilbert

She says it took her by surprise, that Gilbert kissed her without her consent, but you don’t believe her.

But you’re also very drunk, and shit, you’d missed Anne so badly...

Her perfume somehow smells stronger than usual, and your eyes land on her pouty lips, you’re bitter, but you’re also desperate to feel her mouth on you.

You pull her in roughly for a kiss she was definitely not expecting, but her hands are quick to get all over you. Half an hour later, her fingers are in you.

You hate her, but you’re deeply in love, and you can’t remember where one ends and the other starts. You’re all feelings, and every single thought in your mind belongs to her.

it’s only when you’re completely sober, after the third -or was it the fourth?- round, that you decide to get it over with.

“Do you like him?” 

Anne’s falling asleep with her arm around you, but she tenses. She wants to say no, of course she doesn’t! Gilbert would never compare... Gilbert shouldn’t occupy a single though in her mind

Yet, she keeps thinking about his kiss, even though they ended up in really bad terms afterwards

“I love you. Isn’t that what you should care about?”

That’s not the answer you want, and both of you know she can’t give you a real answer, you know her so well by now, you can practically read her swirling thoughts, all confusing, undecided.

“I can’t be your partner for as long as you continue working with him. I’m sorry. I don’t want you to quit, I’m not asking you to... I’m tired of the hate in social media, of me being the one that somehow doesn’t belong next to you simply bc I’m not the popular heartthrob—” “I want you!”

“But I want to be happy.”

Add yourself to out taglist!

Forever Taglist.

@i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual​ @just-here-to-escape-from-reality​ 

ANNE Taglist.

@ninizkd @http-itsrebecca​ @aleksosoto​ 

#twoidiots writing #anne shirley cuthbert xreader #anne shirley smut #500 followers celebration #anne of green gables

[randomfandomz]

GET READY FOR A LOT OF HUSK HEADCANNONS

Im not sorry–

Depressed as f*ck so he doesnt have the modivation to take care of himself

He drinks mainly to forget, and to releive stress

Not only that but he H A T E S water(not as much as Baxter does, but he still avoids it like the plauge)

He never showers until he absolutely has to

Like his fur is always matted and alchohol scented

And he thinks licking himself clean like non-demon cats do is absolutely out of the question, it is gross and undignified, he doesnt want to lick himself and water makes his fur feel heavy and cold and he w i l l argue with you about this

He hates having fur. He just hates it. Its hard to take care of and things get stuck in it, it gets caught in things and just hhhh h h h H H - NO

Will straight up refuse to shower until Charlie makes him

Everyone in the hotel knows about shower day

The day when they make Husk take a shower because e w g r o s s o l d m a n -

Baxter somewhat sympathizes with him about his hatred of water

Not like he actually shows it or does anything to help him though- because 1) Bax really doesnt give a flying f*ck, he just wants to do science and this doesnt concern science so he couldnt care less, and 2) He doesnt wanna speak up because s o c i a l a n x i e t y . S o c i a l i n t e r a c t i o n ? N o t h a n k y o u .

Hes literally a cat, so he hates water with a burning passion

Husk's self image is kinda... ehhhhhh- I mean, its not like he really is that bad looking, if anything he looks pretty damn cool, but he honestly finds himself pretty unattractive. "The fur and wings d o n t h e l p "

Doesnt care if you call him old unless youre trying to be offensive; Hes proud of his age and experience

Even though he acts like an old man(well, he kinda is, but-) hes actually younger than Baxter, Mimzy, Alastor, Angel, and Nifty

Only Vaggie and Crymini are younger than him

When Husk first arrived at the hotel he didnt really wanna interact with anyone; New places kind of stress him out, so it took a long time for him to adjust and not snap at every little thing

Dont get me wrong, hes still a pissy alchoholic^tm, but the anger is less serious/genuine and more just because thats how he is

Husk fought in the vietnam war, and he attempted(and failed) suicide multiple times after the war until he was eventually beaten to death outside of a bar

He turned to alchoholism and gambling as a coping mechanism

Husk suffers from PTSD(Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), along with the obvious alchoholism and gambling addiction

He is very salty/sad that he's a war vet but died in a bar fight, and wouldn't be remembered for his fighting but rather for being beaten to death in a bar while trying to drink away the feelings he had about not being welcomed home because of the way the media portrayed him and his fellow soldiers that fought in Vietnam

Upon learning that Husk is a vietnam war vet(he mentioned it while drunk off his ass- more than usual) one patron who attended the hotel for a short time told him "Welcome home doc!". Husk was surprised, as he had come to terms with the idea that he would never be thanked or welcomed for his services, but he did make sure to be maybe a bit less pissy to that particular guest. He will never forget them. It meant more to him than he would like to admit.

((I can't really think of a better reason as to why Husk would bring it up, but having seen one or two instances of someone saying "welcome home" to Vietnam war vets, I really wanted to add this. The "Welcome home doc" thing was me referencing a specific instance of this ive seen. Im so sorry if I'm wrongly portraying this in anyway, I tried to do enough research first before typing this part out, but I just wanted to point out that I tried my best to be respectful while talking about the subject.))

Moving on- L A S E R P O I N T E R S

One time Angel was just casually messing around with a laser pointer, out of boredom or something

HUSK'S RESPONSE WAS IMMEDIATE

HE WILL CHASE THAT RED DOT TO THE ENDS OF THE GODDAMN EARTH

"That DAMN RED DOT where the FUCK did iT gO!?"

He HATES that he does this, but he really cannot help it

Being a cat demon, and being Husk, his hunt and kill instinct is through the roof(hunt and kill instinct is why cats chase laser pointers btw)

Was VERY pissy for the next few weeks after this incident

Husk will purr involuntarily whenever someone pets him or strokes his fur

He WILL murder anyone who attempts to pet him or make him purr without consent(*COUGH COUGH* ANGEL *COUGH*)

Same goes for the wings DO NOT TOUCH THE WINGS, JUST DONT-

In his room, Husk's bed is literally a mound of blankets and pillows inside a box

Even he needs to get warm and comfortable after a long day

He never lets anyone in his room

Like n e v e r

Angel snuck in one night- Husk's half asleep drunken a*s shoved him out and yelled at him, waking up practically all the hotel staff and a few guests

In his defense, Angel, upon seeing the sleeping Husk, scratched behind his ears. Husk started to purr, but then snapped to somewhat conciousness, and realized what the f*ck was going on-

Yes, Husk is v e r y defensive

Give him a compliment? He wont accept it under any circumstances. He will probably be flustered and claim that the other is either lying or just kissing up to him

"You know you dont have to kiss my a*s to ask me something, right? The fuck do you want?"

Charlie honestly finds his reaction to compliments very sad

Has a kind of "well ya didnt need to point it out" attitude towards insults

Alastor insults him with the worst names in the book? He accepts it and couldnt give less f*cks

Even if its someone either than Alastor insulting him, usually even if he acts offended and p*ssed off, somewhere in his mind he just accepts it

Usually Alastor is the one insulting him, but in a "best friend rights" kind of way

He likes being creative when it comes to colorful language

"Look out to my sea of f*cks, and see how it is barren"

Doesnt have a "soft spot" for kids like Angel, but doesnt mind lessening the swearing a bit and doing a few magic tricks for the occasional child that somehow found their way to the hotel

He HISSES

If Husk is hissing at you you better f*ckin rUN-

He usually refrains from hissing- its part of him rebelling against his cat-like nature, but if he is openly hissing at you it means he is at his wits-end and is honestly P * S S E D .

sERIOUSLY, F*CKING R U N -

Crymini has a blog documenting all the cat-like things Husk does, and she sometimes does the classic "THIS IS A HUSK IN ITS NATURAL HABITAT" or "LETS SEE HOW THE KITTY REACTS TO THIS NEXT THING" bit, and Husk honestly finds it insulting as f*ck

Crymini pranked Husk with a cucumber(you know how cats on the internet are terrified of them) and Husk was actually scared of it, and he ran up a f*cking tree and wouldnt come down for a solid hour, partly put of legitimate fear, and partly out of spite from seeing the slightly guilty look on Crymini's face after the first 20 minutes of him hiding up there

Being a cat demon, alchohol is actually slightly toxic to him, and he is prone to alchohol poisoning. He usually drinks beer, which has low ammount of ethanol(5-7%)[ethanol is what makes alchohol so toxic to cats]

Baxter has a spray bottle to use on Husk if he is being particularly stubborn or bothersome. Charlie sometimes uses her own spray bottle for similar purposes, but she usually says something like "Bad kitty! No!" Along with it to tease him. Husk finds it humiliating and hates when his fur is wet, so surprisingly the spray bottle thing usually works.

He is demi-panromantic and asexual

H A T E S being touched, like under any circumstances

"The last time I voluntarily made physical contact with another being was in 1970 and it was while I was loosing a bar fight. It was also the day I was beaten to death and setenced to hell."

Bonus:

Angel: Hey kitty~! Wanna cuddle~?

Husk: The last time I voluntarily made physical contact with another being was in 1970 and it was while I was loosing a bar fight.

Angel: Oh really? *snickers* And how'd that work out for ya'?

Husk: Well, it was also the day I was beaten to death and put in hell. So I dunno. You tell me.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin angel dust #hazbin husk #husk #charlie #vaggie #crymini #alastor #baxter #fear of water #angst #fluff #zoophobia #depression #headcanon #headcannons #im not sorry #vietnam #war veteran #mimzy #nifty #ptsd mention #ptsd #depression mention #blog #gambling addiction #alchohol mention #funny cat #censored swearing

[beigejournals]

Season 5 Lucifer

welcome to my unsolicited thoughts about Season 5 of Lucifer.  

as an avid and veteran series binger AND a talker-while-watching-a-movie-or-series-but-does-not-want-to-spoil-anything-for-my-friends type of person, i have finally dedicated a space and found a good way to let all my thoughts out as i watch a movie or series when i am alone when i can’t bother a lot of people because (1) they don’t want to be bothered and (2) i don’t want to spoil things for them.

so here are my thoughts, and of course, SPOILERS AHEAD.

BTW, i LOVED all of Lucifer! but this season was a slow burn for me. 

ep1

drug scene at Lux; is Amenadiel mean now?

so is Lucifer himself in his own hell loop when he became the ruler of hell? his own guilt towards his father? idk (to be frank, i don’t remember the past episodes except for the fact that he is now back in hell)

the premise of the first episode is cute!

side note after the title card: i remember how much i loved the soundtrack for Lucifer!

Maze is still hot.

I love how Maze and Chloe’s relationship developed and how they don’t have to use words to communicate.

Amenadiel’s and the Psychologist’s house HAHAHAHA i love it.

is Charlie Jesus? His mom’s faith in front of Ella is like every mom plus every religious person ever haha

YES. ELLA. YOU. DESERVE. A. GOOD. GUY.

self-improvement is now a meme, huh?

Dan is me.

comment on drug scene: Amenadiel is still the same, haha!

Maze and the card, haha!

how was the guy in the mask face (did i just say mask face?) blurred but in the party, Los Angeles was in perfect accuracy. excuse me.

coming out of the dead: “oh sorry, that’s so gross!” LORDT HAHA

love you, Charlie! hope you don’t feel like you have to perform because your mom expects a lot from you and that’s so ironic because she’s a psychologist!

Dan’s speeches about parenting: i get it tho, parents try to love their child, sometimes, they just don’t know how

also, i think it’s the sister but Chloe’s just a softie

lol Maze is jealous that Chloe got to talk to Lucifer and trying to say that they don’t need Lucifer.

OOF MAZE.

i forgot about what happened with Eve.

GUYS THE MURDERER IS LITERALLY GOING TO ESCAPE.

the amount of projection as defense mechanism in this episode is too much it feels like it’s too on the nose.

but i do love the parallel between what’s happening on Earth and in hell.

the amount of layers in this question either it’s Lucifer’s or his or his sister’s (assuming it is his sister who was behind his murder)

ok apparently it’s not his sister.

me in law school:

sana all kaya kang mahalin na babalik from hell. kilig aq.

also, after all these years, Lucifer’s house has been so clean!!! wala man lang alikabok

if she’ll be fine without him then who tf is that?

ok i read the synopsis for the next couple of episodes. i don’t like spoilers. don’t make the same mistake.

ep2

i’m Ella when it comes to my friends’ special people HAHA

also, i love the slight lean to one side to show us that this is not the real Lucifer.

why does he have to be naked???

it’s so funny for me how they have to reestablish him. LUCIFER NEVER LIES HAHAHAHAHA yes we can remember now after you repeated it 3x.

ALSO WHY IS EVERYTHING TO ON THE NOSE. EVERY SECOND IS A METAPHOR FOR SOMETHING. was it always like this?

Oh Michael. Nice. Was he an archer? We love the American accent.

how can Amenadiel not know that was Michael? GANON KA IDENTICAL SIZ?

we love the unnecessary car chase just to  reinstate the fact that this is a crime show

that slomo with the wings!!!

also everything is so slow with this show!!! idk why but everything feels just a little bit slower (or maybe i just want lucifer and chloe to be together? idk)

gwapo ni lucifer nung nagmomol sila ni Maze pls

cringe ng elevator scene

ykw. i think it’s because i like the lucifer character that’s why i’m impatient. he hasn’t been appearing the way i want him to.

see. you don’t have to remind me so much about the show because i know he was supposed to say “what is it that you truly desire” not fear. I FEEL LIKE THIS SEASON IS DUMBING THE PEOPLE WHO LOVED THE SHOW FOR SO LONG. okay sige.

either she knows it’s not him or SHE’S REALLY THAT NICE AND POWERFUL OF A HUMAN BEING.

oh i’ve been questioning whether they had sex already and this episode answered my question

CRINGE coffee scene: the spoon???

random question: are angels virgins? so is Michael a virgin?

what kind of a person would just go deep on someone else’s pocket just because they ran out of money?

knew it Maze won’t do Chloe dirty like that!

thanks Chloe. u know better than that. (full disclosure: I THOUGHT SHE WAS ACTING BADLY APPARENTLY A GOOD ACTOR CAN ACT BADLY TO PROVE A POINT?)

literally just liked it and now there’s a new secret that was said too soon.

God baka naman pwede mo ko gawing Chloe Decker char.

AH so interesting. Lucifer = Desire. Michael = Fear. Too on the nose again but that time, i needed the guidance because i am a dumbass.

God ain’t raising his children right!

ep3

yes explain everything to me it’s literally not like we have been binging this show for 2 hours straight

see, the Lucifer character is really endearing. i’m enjoying myself again hahaha. (well, i guess Lucifer when he’s with Chloe?)

can i just say that Tom Ellis was born for that role. he fits is so well that him acting as his own twin doesn’t sit well with me.

i just feel like this show was written by a psychologist who liked watching murder shows.

it’s Lucifer, Chloe!!! siya yon.

ep4

love Lucifer-Chloe tandem!

we love how the actors can sing and the show gives them a chance...

one thought: is everyone going to play a double of who they are?

also is Maze the daughter of Lucifer?

i love how they’re transcending mediums, reminds me of Community with their random episodes.

there you go, Chloe’s doing the double acting too.

Now it’s Linda. (so maybe this is the episode i was asking about earlier).

Now it’s Ella.

omg is this why i loved fleabag, it took forever for the Priest and Fleabag to finally do it? no. i just love the Priest.

Charlotte’s back! and the distance from the table shows how not okay they are. okay.

green screen while driving i love it.

now, Daniel!

we love gender fluidity? i guess. i’m not sure how you call it but i appreciate.

Lilith’s dress for the second song. OMG.

there again to make us dumb. after we just watched the whole thing happen, they retell the whole story again. damn. they think we dumb.

literally this season is making every girl kiss Chloe.

why did she blow the ring? was that her life?

what’s that song in the end?

OH that was the reason why she was retelling everything.

damn celestial beings are the worst parents.

ep5

i wanna be Dr. Linda Martin please.

i appreciate Lucifer wearing the bracelet until now. (but i expected nothing less)

i’ve always loved how people reacted to Amenadiel. he always seemed nerdy but these are times where he truly shine and im so happy.

i forgot.  i think i was showering that time that Michael and Lucifer fought and theyre hella dumb. ok lets go toxic masculinity mixed with daddy issues.

i know they’re too on the nose ABOUT EVERYTHING but i do like the debate about free will and predestination

honestly i don’t know what’s Chloe’s issue is with being made by God probably just because i’m lazy and i just want to lay everything in His hands but coming from a very atheistic perspective where she comes from i kinda get it. i guess my only reasoning why i’m okay with God’s reason is with her is because of my fear of the unknown; my current fear with not knowing my true purpose. at least she got hers! what is she complaining about?

oh i get it now, but that’s why there’s free will Chloe (or idk, idk how God works; there’s currently no electricity in my house rn. i don’t get how that works even if we pay for our electricity all the time, how am I suppose to know God’s plans?)

but aren’t well created for something else? looking at a selfish perspective, maybe He created all of us just because He wanted to.

wow. literally when the nun kissed Amenadiel, the lights in our house opened up. if that ain’t God. idk who that is.

wow that’s so interesting.

“There are no shortcuts.” 🥺

he exposed himself i’m interested. what if i were the one to whom that was exposed to... how would i react?

another sample of them explaining to us WHAT WE ALREADY CAN INFER FROM THE SHOW (the conversation actually continues to dumb it down for the audience) but i get it. it’s religion and fiction built together.

oh i just cringed i almost vomited with this 

also can i just share these. these are the funniest thing Chloe said on the show.

ep6

OOF what a horrifying way to start the episode (after the beach fiasco)

they’re holding us. that’s so adorable!!!

ugh. im still cringing.

yes jowa for ella yes pls. ELLA YOU SAID YOU WANT A NICE GUY!!! HE’S THERE!!! i’ll take him if you won’t!

Chloe if you don’t want Lucifer, i’ll take him too!

can i say how proud i am of Chloe and Dan’s relationship. it’s very healthy for what they are. add Lucifer and Dan to that too! we love men.

also the women in this show have bad taste in men. (except for who Linda married, i guess)

we love the seasonal girl’s night!

that whole charlie thing being amused by lucifer’s devil face is the best bit

was it Michael calling? and oh noooo ;(

FUCKEN MICHAEL

ngl i could have waited for another season for them to have sex on season 6 episode 6 but sure have it at season 5.

ep7

we love a person who wakes up and is not pretty. princess anna who? (i mean she is wearing full on make up, but we’re okay with that snore)

Deckerstar!! they made a word for it

our mojo??? does it only work on lucifer or does it work when she does it to others as well, we shall find out.

oh no! Lucifer’s isn’t working at all HAHAHAHA

it’s currently 2:19 AM. i am tired and sleepy.

Dan talking to Charlotte 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Fucking Michael

oh he emphasized archangel Michael. with my limited knowledge being raised Catholic, i was going to ask earlier if he was an archer because he had crooked shoulders. AND I JUST CHECKED. ARCHANGEL MEANS HIGH RANKING ANGEL NOT AN ANGEL WHO’S A FUCKING ARCHER. me being raised Cathlolic means nothing. HAHAHH

now i’m realizing if i see an angel, maybe i won’t be in the situation where i’ll see Amenadiel but Michael

NO NO NO AMENADIEL

i love this HAHAHAHAHA

knew it. called it! worked on lucifer ONLY. HOW CAN TWO PEOPLE BE THAT MADE FOR EACH OTHER. LORD BAKA NAMAN.

i’m ella shipping them.

THEYRE SPEAKING TAGALOG HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH and HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

what song was that? “When it hurts, just to breathe” same

The Shining reference no thank you pls

NAAAH i really can’t do horror things especially not with things i truly fear and when i don’t have a curtain on. No thanks.

14:54 and i’m watching again open the lights bro, it’s easier to find clues that way   also i do get that they’re closing it to ensure that the killer is not there but theyre also moving like the killer is not there anyway so better open up the lights! tho i really know nothing about crime solving (i just typed crime solving instead of solving crimes didn’t i)

we stan ella’s healthy relationship!!!

can i just say there was a time where i can’t even say serial killer out loud so this is really hard for me to watch alone

i know that he’s vulnerable around the detective. BUT SHE SAID HE CHOSE TO BE SO BY NOW HE SHOULDN’T BE AFFECTED BY WHAT HE DID.

Fucken Michael.

ep8

how attractive can you be that even in slow motion, you look great.

oh apparently he did not die.

ALSO OO NGA CHLOE. US2 MO SIYA MAMATAY TEH.

CHLOE THE OVERTHINKER but i get it. BUT STILL.

you know that montage of people just studying and it’s now happening to chloe trying to solve a crime. that’s my cinematography goal HAHAHA. it’s been awhile since i’ve been invested in studying like that.

Lucifer can be just so immature some times

is KillShare based off of SkillShare?

also i’m thinking that Chloe was either taken by Michael or Dan or the SK.

that ring of Lucifer on Maze is probably the longest ring someone has waited for.

i love Maze’s eye make up! ALL THE TIME!

if the lady here is not detective and they’re relieved. that’s just fucked up, man. they were slightly relieved. that’s good acting HAHAHAHAHA.

I’M JUST PRAYING TO GOD THAT PETE REALLY IS A GOOD GUY AND NOT THE SERIAL KILLER COZ I CAN’T HATE THAT GUY PLEASE. the key and the research!!! WTF. stop trying to be smart, show!!!

his mojo is back, does that mean Chloe is gone? 😢

OH AFTER THE TAPES, I THINK IT IS THE BOYFRIEND. DAMN SHE’S REALLY INTO BAD MEN, ISN’T SHE?

I’M SO SCARED. THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME.

THE FLOWERS ARE FRIGGIN KILLING ME.

kamukha niya pa si Penn Badgley, nice.

DOES HE GENUINELY LIKE HER OR IS THE KISS TO THROW HER OFF GUARD.

AH NO. i think he genuinely likes her. except that she... you know found that he’s a fucking murderer

HAHAHA PETE

right??? why does this show have to say everything out loud like don’t already know.

oh he just used her but then he liked her. idk. the way he speaks too, so nonchalant.

preach, ELLA!!!! shout out to those who had crappy childhoods and are not serial killers! that’s the bare minimum i guess.

go, Ella!!! know your worth!

lol made me love Pete, he’s funny.

ok my assumptions were right-ish.

HAHAHA, his american accent.

his choosing to be bot vulnerable around her anymore, Michael, i think is a way of him staying alive for Chloe but ofc Chloe will think that Lucifer would rather have his vulnerability than to be with her.

baka di lang love language ni Lucifer words of affirmation, okay! HE SAVED HER LIFE SO MANY TIMES AND NOW SHE’S DOUBTING BECAUSE HE HASN’T SAID I LOVE YOU YET??? SIZ. HE LITERALLY LEFT HELL FOR YOU.

MICHAEL STOP. Michael the shit stirrer. we all have that one friend.

awa me kay Maze. she’s like a lost dog throughout the show.

does Michael want to be God?

skipped thru the speech. cringe.

what’s Amenadiel’s problem with his child having a normal cold? what’s wrong if he’s a mere mortal?

WHY IS EVERYONE IN THIS SHO’W SO INSECURE. i get so annoyed every time Chloe’s mad that Lucifer doesn’t get what he wants

it’s just that i resonate with Lucifer. it’s hard for me to say i love you and now i think Amenadiel stopped time.

oh. i thought Amenadiel’s fears about Charlie being mortal was superficial, i just realized that he was afraid that his child was going to die. but, he can take him to heaven like what he did with Charlotte, right?

oh Michael.

MAZE! MICHAEL IS A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR!!!! you’re fine! i don’t have a soul either.

celestial beings and their daddy issues and inability to communicate with one another and the desire to fight it out as if that’s the solution

HOTTEST BROTHERS EVER DAMN.

itong si God ngayon lang magpapakita anuna siz.

WHY ISN’T HE PLAYED BY MORGAN FREEMAN BUT OK.

CLIFFHANGER!!! IM MAD.

ep 8 should have been called blueballz tbh

#beigedrafts #lucifer #spoilers

[who-ever-said-i-was-nice]

Pt.2. Nothing but an extra

(pls check out pt1. 🙏but only after you read this just in case it’s trash😅)

Warnings: Cursing, mention of death

Word count: To much guys, waaaay to much but like sue me.😅😅😅😆

Y/n went to her dorm after a long day of training. She threw herself on the bed. It had been a week since her arrival at UA and she could not believe how fun it was there. There was not one dull moment. She had also successfully made friends with everyone. Well other then Bakugou and that little perverted grape, Mineta. As she lay there, procrastinating, she herd a faint beep coming from her phone. Interested, she propped herself  forearms and opened her phone. She was surprised to see she had bean added to a group chat, more specifically the bakusquads group chat. She looked over the recent messages.

pikabooooooy: Yoooooo guys I added Y/N to the group!                                         your toxic motherfucker: OMG! That’s awesome! Welcome to the squad Y/N         i’m hard: That’s so manly of you Kami! Btw hi Y/N !                                  Felxtape: Hi!                                                                                                            Boom boom bitch: COULD ALL OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Yup that was the bakusquad for you. She smiled as she typed.

Y/N: Hi guys it’s so nice of you to ad me.                                                                pikabooooooy: of coarse!                                                                                         your toxic motherfucker: Duuuuuuuh!                                                                      your toxic motherfucker:you want to go somewhere? I’m board.                            Y/N: It’s tuesday. Of coarse we want to go out                                                        Flextape:Well said.                                                                                                   pikabooooooy: 🤣🤣 🤣                                                                                            your toxic motherfucker:🤣🤣🤣                                                                                i’m hard: 🤣                                                                                                               Flextape: so where to?                                                                                            your toxic motherfucker: ARCADE!                                                                          pikabooooooy:ARCADE!                                                                                          i’m hard: arcade!                                                                                                      Y/N: Arcade it is.                                                                                                      i’m hard: Bakugou you should come to.                                                                   Boom boom bitch: WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I GO!                                              your toxic motherfucker: yeah yeah. In 10 in front of the school

Y/N quickly jumped out of the bed and rushed to the closet.” i have to wear something nice” an image of Bakugou flashed through her mind. “no why am I thinking of him now.” In the end she ended up wearing shorts, sneakers and a cute pink hoodie that had little bear ears attached. She walked out of the dorms and straight to the front gate. Mina, Sero and Kaminari where already there. They waved and directed their gaze to somewhere behind her. She turned around to witness the “Why the fuck am I going” sight that was displayed by Bakugou. Kirishima ran beside him as Bakugou stomped all the way to her an then stopped short. His gaze lingered on him for a few seconds then stared yelling all types of insult t the rest of the gang.  The trip to the arcade was pretty short. Once they wee there everyone went to their favorite games and started playing. Y/N alternated between watching them play and actually playing with them. At one point Mina called out to her.

“Hey Y/N wanna play DDR. I already kicked Kiris ass.”                                            “No fare you are to good”- Kirishima complained but smiled with all his shark teeth.  (honestly kiri is so cute i had to).                                                                  “ Challenge accepted”- To say they completely hogged the game is an understatement. They just kept playing, because it was always a tie. Mina was honestly surprised that somebody was actually a challenge for her. And for Y/N it was the most fun she had since.....since.... A thousand painful memories flooded her mind. Everything that she has bean through, since her families massacre. The pain came down upon her like an enormous  wave of pain. But she refused to crash. Not. Now.                                                                                                  “Wow Y/N. You beat be.”- Mina looked at her pulling her out of her thoughts. She wicked and added. “Next time I’m going to get you.” The boy have all gathered around. They all decided it was time to go home. As they made their way down one of the allies( obv it was a shortcut), Y/N started to get this weird vibe. Like somebody was watching them. However before she could say anything somebody, that she guessed was a villain stepped out from behind a bush they just passed and  launched a boll of darkness at Bakugou. Y/N immediately blew frost at the ball and froze it. The group all spun around and was shocked to see the ice ball that now trapped the inky  substance.

“You coward!”- Y/N yelled- “ Have you got no shame. Attacking a bunch of kids from behind! You spinless little disappointment”- the villain said nothing instead trowing a bunch of the black stuff at them. Y/N was ready. If she froze all of the balls and then froze the villain as well she might pass out( because she already used this in training today and she needs at least 4 hours after that intense workout,not because her quirk was weak oh no not the case),for a minute or two but the rest will be safe. She did not hesitate. Ina flash she breathed all frost she could muster, decreasing temperature around them to -34 C ( 93.2 F). Then used the fact that the sudden change temporarily blocked the villains ability to move, to run up to him and place her hand firmly and his face freezing him completely. She watched as her frost slowly engulfed the villain turning him blue. The last thing he saw was Bakugou running towards her,with the rest of them at his heels, as he yelled all kinds of things she could not hear at her. His eyes filled with fear.

A few minutes later she woke up with the bakusquad standing over her.                “ What the hell, Y/N! Why did you do that!”- Bakugou instantly yelled, but his tone was not as harsh but more concerned. Y/n smiled at him and witched at the effort it took and the searing pain it caused.                                                           “Because- she said slowly- All of your quirks are are really cool, but not really suited for defense and I didn’t want him to hurt you”- nobody said anything for a long time. Y/N tried o sit up but ended up falling back. To her surprise,in fact to everyone’s surprise Bakugou reached  out and caught her before she could hit the ground . He propped her against the wall and just sat there. She smiled up at him weakly. Suddenly a voice behind the rasped:” Yes go ahead and nurture your sweet little babe. I promise I will be back and I will make her suffer for this”-they looked in the direction of the voice and found a very blue, but very much unfrozen villain. Sadly because she exerted herself in training she did not manage to thoroughly freeze his ass so now here he was. Blue as a smurf and still chanting shit.

“BABE MY ASS! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT SHE IS DIFFERENT FROM ALL THE OTHER EXTRAS!’ - it was useless because the villain had already taken off running. Bakugou didn’t even bother to go anywhere. However his words where as if he ad just stuck a dagger in her heart and then twisted it multiple times. Of coarse. She was nothing butt an extra to him. She hung her head. Bakugou got up and walked away not realizing the impact of his words.      “ Come on”- Kaminari extended a hand and pulled Y/N up. She balanced on him and Kirishima as they made their way back to UA. \

Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed! Pt.3 coming shortly.                                          

#mha #mha bakusquad #mha bakugou #mha bakugo x reader #mha kirishima #mha bakugo katsuki #mha mina #mha sero #mha kaminari #mha story #mha stuff

[nekokoaa]

hello, can i please get a Bakugou angst where his s/o breaks up with him because he doesn’t appreciate her enough and he priorities his hero work than her than their relationship and then finding out that she turned to a villain and is now with Dabi. thanks xox ((sorry if u get 2 messages like this my phone died as soon as i hit ask and didn’t know if it sent))

Fandom: bnha

Character: Bakugo Katsuki, eventually Dabi

Warning: Angsty

Word Count: 3.7 (Kind of long lol)

Ooooo, these always break my heart. Way to go, Anon-love, bring. on. the. ANGST. It’s in 3 parts btw.

————————————————–

I.

“Oh, so now you’re making me look like the fucking bad guy, right?” Narrowed red eyes traced your figure as you stormed through the apartment and into the dining area. The table violently shook when you slammed your suitcase on it. You thrusted it open so hard that you knocked over the dirty glasses on the table and they fell upon the floor and shattered into pieces. It was like it was a model of your very being, you felt used and most importantly, broken, and Bakugo was the object that caused it. You ignored the words that came flying from his lips, you had to bite down on your own because you were afraid your next words would make you lunge at him. Oh, you so wanted to lunge at him.

You swiftly turned around and you came face to face with his chest all puffed out and an intense glare was beaming from above. The hands at his sides were curled up and it looked as if the muscles of his arms were pulsing. The dining room was dimly lit by the living room’s lighting pouring through the archway that separated the two rooms. You were too caught up in your fury that you didn’t switch on the lights and neither did Bakugo. The shadow that casted his entire front was a little frightening, but you didn’t allow yourself to cower from his presence. You tried to take a step past him, but he quickly cut in front of you. He was blocking your way and in turn, you kept your eyes to the floor. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of acknowledgement.

“And now you’re gonna just fucking leave?” He growled those words, the very end of it rolling in a bath of toxic waste. You still weren’t responding to him and you brushed passed him to get away from the man you once loved. You couldn’t stand to be around him. And now when you decided to leave, he wanted to give you all the attention in the world. Fuck him. You thought as you left the dining room and walked down the hall to the bedroom you used to share with him. Bakugo was right on your tail, his footsteps louder than the thundering heart within your chest. He grabbed your wrist to stop you, wringing you around so that you could face him. You ripped your hand almost immediately out of his grip, your eyes narrowed into slits.

“Don’t touch me!” Were the words that finally burst out of you, your voice cracking as its pitch grew higher with every syllable. Bakugo seemed unfazed by your behavior. He held that same scowl, and his red eyes looked deadlier than ever as they added to the rage of his physical features. “I don’t have to answer to you.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Are you serious, Katuski? You’re never there for me! Now you’re suddenly interested in talking to me, in asking me questions? Where was all this for the past few months?”

He groaned, maybe growled. He looked at you in disbelief. “I have a job to do, ____! What ever happened to supporting me in my hero work, huh?!”

“Not when you practically gave your fucking life to it. Like gosh!” You made a bitter laugh. “It feels like we’re not even dating anymore, like I’m just a maid and your personal fucking whore!” You marched away from him and straight towards the closet. You started rummaging through and ripping your clothes out from their hangers and racking them up on your arm. You started moving back and forth between the dining and the bedroom, filling up whatever you can in your suitcase. You knew you couldn’t take all of your things, but you needed some to survive. Your phone was buzzing in your pocket. You knew who it was, but you couldn’t necessarily answer with Bakugo breathing down your back. So, you continued packing your suitcase and ignored the vibration. Bakugo was still saying anything to maybe deter you from leaving, you couldn’t really tell. Everything that left his mouth was just filled with toxicity and questioning.

“I should’ve just listened to my parents.” You grumbled, slamming your suitcase shut and zipping it close. “I should’ve just stayed away from you.”

He scoffed. “Those pieces of shits were never right about anything.”

“Well at least they were right about you!” Immediately, you barked back, pulling your suitcase off the table. You looked to Bakugo who seemed stunned after your comment. He usually always had something to say but he stayed silent. And the two of you glared at each other like it was your only means of communication. He looked so menacing as he stood in the corner. You found it amazing how different you looked at him now. He used to be your rock, someone you always counted on, someone you loved. Now he just looked like a stranger. You didn’t know who this man was anymore. “I’m leaving…”

“Whatever. Fucking leave. I didn’t care about you anyway.” He turned away as he spoke. You didn’t watch as he disappeared into the kitchen, opened the fridge and reached for a bottle of beer. You could still hear him as you began to roll your suitcase into the living room. “If you’re expecting me to beg you to stay like some fucking pebble on the side of the road…”

“I’m not expecting anything from you, Katsuki!” You yelled back and quickly wiped the tears on your cheeks. You headed towards the front door and left the apartment. You didn’t look back as you quickly ran out of the building complex. You reached for your phone in your pockets the moment you stepped foot on the street and called back the number you missed. You were thinking he wasn’t going to pick up at first because it rang for a while, but you sighed in relief when you heard his smooth voice on the other end.

“____.”

“Hey…”

“You weren’t picking up. Thought somethin’ happened.”

“I’m okay…” You sighed. “But I need a place to stay for a bit. Do you mind?”

You heard a soft chuckle and his teasing voice came after. “You sure? I’m not really the best of company.”

“Anything to get away from here.”

“Sure. I’ll text you the place.”

You smiled lightly. “Thanks, Dabi.”

II.

Everyone would probably call you stupid for walking into the hands of a dangerous villain. But Dabi was, surprisingly, one of your closest friends that no one knew about. You met him when he was injured and running from the law. Bakugo was almost never home, so you treated his wounds in your apartment and hid him until the law settled down. You even lied to the police when they came to question people in the area. You thought you were pretty stupid for protecting Dabi, for all you knew he could’ve killed you and escaped but there was something about him that you couldn’t put your finger on. You wanted to know more about him, more about the man behind those crystal blue eyes and horrific scars.

“Make yourself at home.” Dabi walked ahead of you as your suitcase trailed behind him. You thought it was sweet of him to help you carry your things in his apartment. It was definitely a downgrade from the apartment that you shared with Bakugo. It was located in not the best area of the city, it was quite dingy and lathered with questionable stains. There was a living room, a bathroom, a tiny kitchen, and only one bedroom which you wondered if he was going to let you borrow. There were crumpled up papers all over the table in front of the couch and the television at the corner of the room was small and viewed of nothing but soundless static.

“Only the local channels work.” Dabi commented when he saw you looking at the tv. You gave him a sheepish smile. You hoped you didn’t look too disappointed.

“It’s alright. I’m not much of a tv person anyway.” Dabi didn’t go far with your suitcase. He stopped by his couch and threw himself on it. He grabbed the remote that laid in between the cushions and just as he said, no other channels worked but the local ones. He stopped on the news channel and they were speaking of a huge rescue the heroes did a couple of days ago. Bakugo was a part of it and he helped saved children and adults from a collapsing building. They had flashed his face during the segment and you were reminded of the event that happened just a few hours ago.

“What did you see in this guy anyway?” Dabi had said, catching sight of your pained expression when Bakugo showed up on tv. You couldn’t really answer him. You looked to your feet which was covered by your slippers. Dabi’s gaze didn’t leave you. He watched you as you moved to sit beside him on the couch, a frown on your lips that separated for the sigh that slithered through them.

“I don’t know… I loved him.” You shrugged and Dabi laughed. You felt his fingers wrap around your chin, making your head turn to look at him.

“You’re better off.” He spoke under his breath, a small smirk on his lips. Those sapphire eyes that stared so strongly in your own was tough to look away from. Even with those scars on his face, he still looked handsome. Some people would probably call you crazy for thinking that way but perhaps the saying, ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ held some truth. You always found Dabi attractive even when he was injured on your couch and looking at him face to face right now was doing a number of things to you.

“What made you want to stay with me? I’m sure you have other friends that aren’t…” He let go of your chin and snorted but he still remained in close proximity to you. “Villains.”

You looked away from him and sighed softly. “I-I guess I just wanted to disappear. We have mutual friends, so I didn’t want Katsuki to find me.”

“If you really want to disappear, just say the word. I’ll make it happen. And you don’t have to worry about that noisy shit or anyone else.”

Your voice was mere whisper. Was it safe to believe him? “Can you really…?”

“Yeah, dollface.” His hand snaked down to your sides. Strangely, you weren’t bothered by his gesture. Disappearing from all of your problems really sounded like a dream and if Dabi can make it happen, you mildly wanted it.

“Then where will I sleep? On your bed?” His smile grew wider just as his hands were moving dangerously low on your body. Your face started to flush. Something was blossoming within you. Your mind started to shout against this.

“Yeah, if you want. I’d like your company. Just say the word.” His suggestion couldn’t be more obvious. You knew exactly what he was implying. If the hand rubbing on your thigh wasn’t obvious enough. You knew Dabi always had a thing for you. He was always flirtatious in his wording and you never missed his gaze that seemed to always trace your figure.

Your rationality was making a ruckus and trying to knock some sense in your head, yet your heart was full of holes that you wish was mended. You were well aware of the weakness within your heart. You couldn’t help but think if Dabi could treat you better than Bakugo ever did. Your arms wrapped around his neck and you bore into those sapphire eyes. Your body was heating up under that handsome smirk, and your skin was suddenly sensitive to his light touches.

You whispered softly, “Make me disappear, Dabi…” and instantaneously, his lips crashed into yours.

III.

“It’s been a year since she left, and they couldn’t find anything!?” Bakugo clicked his tongue as he listened to Kirishima’s rant. He knocked his head back against his couch, his phone loosely slipping from his fingertips.

“You know how shit the police are.” Bakugo grumbled.

“Where could she have gone?”

“For all we know, a damn villain could’ve gotten to her.” Bakugo was well aware of the villains targeting him and his family. It was the reason why he worked so hard. He wanted to prevent any tragedy from happening to his love ones. He did so much to protect you. Why couldn’t you see that?

“You don’t think she is…”

“Let’s hope not.”

“Well, I’ll do more investigation on my side. Hopefully we’ll find something.”

“Alright. See ya.” As soon as Bakugo hung up the phone, an exhausted sigh left him, and he buried his face in his hands. Things just haven’t been the same since you left. Bakugo was honestly expecting you to come back. He had some hope that you would on the account of you didn’t take all of your things from the apartment. He was thinking you needed some time alone after that big fight. But time turned into days, and then weeks, and now months. Every time he called your phone, it would say the number has been disconnected. He even called your shit parents and they had no idea where you were. It was like you disappeared off the face of the earth. There were no signs of you except for your belongings that you left in his apartment. He swore if he found out a villain took you away from him, he would do anything he could to rid that villain of his life.

Not only was he dealing with your disappearance but also an appearance of a new villain called Sol. This villain was probably the deadliest he’s seen. He hasn’t faced her yet but the stories he heard about her from the agency seemed like she was no joke. Her quirk was unidentifiable, but it seemed that every time she strikes, her victims would be lying in a bath of lava, and it’ll be spewing from their mouths, eyes, nose, and ears. She’s already taken several lives of civilians and one or two rookie heroes. He and Deku were in charge of finding this villain and subduing her.

“What?” Bakugo’s phone rang again and he immediately answered, hoping it was news about your location, but it was only Midoriya, informing him that he obtained information about Sol and where she was going to hit next. Apparently, it was a heist at a bank and Sol and Dabi were heading there tonight.

“It’ll be a good opportunity to intercept them there.”

“Yeah, I got it.” Bakugo grumbled. “I’ll meet you there.”

“And Kacchan…?”

“What?”

“Ah-I’m-uh sorry about ____.”

Bakugo stayed quiet. Not really knowing what to say, he hung up the phone on Midoriya. He didn’t need someone like him pitying him for his mistakes. Bakugo knew he should’ve treated you better, but it wasn’t his fault that you couldn’t understand he was doing it for you. All he wanted was to protect you, it was the only reason why he worked so hard and achieving number one hero would’ve help tremendously. Bakugo made another heavy sigh before standing up. Excuses. That’s all he seemed to make. Excuses.

After a couple of hours, nightfall arrived and Bakugo met up with Midoriya near the bank. Midoriya already informed the bankers about the heist and advised them to act normal. When the time was right, Midoriya and Bakugo would intercept the villains before anyone gets hurt. But as usual, Bakugo wanted to do things by his own rules and when the opportunity came to confront Sol and Dabi, Bakugo rushed to them. He blasted himself through the ceiling windows of the bank, ignoring Midoriya’s scream of his name. The glass shattered in seconds and fell upon bankers and civilians, they screamed and braced themselves from the upcoming shards. Bakugo sore through the bank like a bullet. In a blink of an eye, he already had his hand on Sol’s masked face. The palm of his gloved hands started to spark and crackle.

“You ain’t robbing nothing!” He shouted with a large grin on his face, his eyes wide and alert. He ignited an explosion from his hands and Sol screamed before a wave of blue fire rushed at Bakugo. He let go of Sol’s face and back away to dodge the harsh flames. Sol fell to the ground, holding her face as her mask starting to disintegrate off its bindings. Dabi moved in front of her, glaring at the smirking blond man.

“Bakugo Katsuki. Still as annoying and loud as ever.”

Bakugo laughed. “And you still look like a fucking ashtray. Want me to add more scars to that shitty mug?”

“I’ll gladly burn you to ash, so that you could shut up once and for all.” With a fling of Dabi’s arm, a wave of flames flew towards Bakugo. He deflected it with a small explosion and with his other hand, he propelled himself forward.

“Kacchan! Wait!” Midoriya finished evacuating the bank of its workers and civilians. And he called to Bakugo who just recklessly rushed towards Dabi.

But it wasn’t Midoriya’s desperate cry that stopped Bakugo’s relentless assault. It was when he caught sight of Sol ripping off her damaged mask and her face was shown in his direction. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He hasn’t laid his eyes on that face since that dreadful night. His entire world started to shake, and his fingers began to tremble. If his jaw could, it would’ve dropped to the floor along with his knees that threatened such an action.

“____?” He found his voice shaking as well. He hated how he was reduced to a puddle at the sight of your beautiful face. It’s been so long since he’s seen it and already the feelings he kept hidden within started flowing out. He was relieved yet confused. He had so many questions and he didn’t know where to start. Where have you been? What have you’ve been doing? What are you doing with Dabi? Why… didn’t you come back?

“Katsuki.” Dabi held out a hand for you and you stood up with his help, and you continued to hold his hand as you stood next to him. Bakugo noticed and started to glance between the two of you. His wide eyes were slowly narrowing into slits, just like how they looked the night you left him. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, it has.” He was now glaring. “So, you’re Sol?” Even Midoriya who was quietly watching, was surprised at the reveal.

“I thought you would’ve already known because of my quirk.”

“I’ve never seen you use your quirk like that.”

“Well, Dabi taught me a few tricks.” You and Dabi shared a small look and Bakugo’s face twisted in disgust.

“So, because I didn’t give you enough attention, you left to become a shitty villain and now you’re fucking with Ashtray?” Bakugo almost couldn’t believe the words that left his mouth. He really hoped you would deny it. But that offended look on your face made his tongue grow dry. He was terribly correct.

“You know damn well that’s not the only thing you did. And Dabi was the best thing that happened to me. He opened my eyes and helped me. Unlike you.”

“I was doing everything to protect you. And you’re telling me this guy was the best thing that ever happened to you?” Bakugo’s words came out slowly, but every word was tense. You could tell he was holding back on attacking. His entire being was visibly twitching as he held his fists at his sides. His eyes were tightly shut, and his eyebrows were heavily furrowed. It was like he was a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode. Dabi took on a defensive stance, but you remained how you were, anger slowly consuming you.

“What were you doing? Ignoring me? Leaving me all alone in that huge apartment? Telling me you never cared about me? Is that your way of protecting me, Katsuki?”

“Kacchan…?” Midoriya softly called him, just as Bakugo started to grind his teeth.

“You were never there for me! You never loved me! You didn’t even stop me from leaving! You just let me go!” You felt your tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. You still weren’t over how Bakugo just let you go without a fight. You had been together with him for years. Was it that easy for him to accept your parting? Did he ever truly love you? “So, I picked my own path. Leaving you was the best thing I did for myself.”

Something seemed to glimmer in Bakugo’s eyes once he opened them. It was a look worse than what you saw the night you left him. That smirk he had on at the beginning was long gone and replaced with a frown so deep it created wrinkles around his mouth and cheeks. His very being was screaming with the intention of killing.

“You know what? You wanna be a fucking villain?” He pointed his gauntlet at you and a finger was curled around the trigger. His narrowed red eyes darkened, and his voice sounded as low as a rumbling earthquake. It shook the entirety of your body and sent a cold shiver down your spine and possibly your very soul. You took on a defensive stance by instinct. “Alright. I’ll treat you like a fucking villain!”

And with a single click, the trigger snapped off and a wall of fire blasted in your direction.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bakugo katsuki #Dabi #bakugo x reader #dabi x reader #angst #nekokoafanfictions #bnha request

[thekrazykeke]

wRoNg (Release the Beast) Part II

Fandom(s): DCEU, Suicide Squad

Relationship(s): Joker x reader

Rating: Mature

Summary: What would you do out of love and self-preservation to protect your family? How far would you go to keep your secrets?

Warning(s):  Mind games and emotional manipulation. Mystic-y stuff.

Tagging: @ashmuck @alexisbagans143  @toxic-ink @kirsty-lou666 @coppercurlzz @snow-massacre  @suckerforsmilex @lovelylittlekittn @melaninharleyquinn @roneykuni @twilight-loveer @ms-clown-queen-of-crime @jokers-queen-of-hearts @keya168 @misspooh

Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three (Part I) Chapter Three (Part II)  Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six (Part I)

~

Chapter Six (Extended)

The maniac messiah, Destruction is his game. A beautiful liar, Love for him is pain. [He] punishes you with pleasure And pleasure[s] you with pain

The window wasn’t locked. Trying to get a handle on your bruised ego, half of you wondered if Bruce thought that you were so stupid that you wouldn’t attempt to run away, while the rational side of your brain sardonically pointed out that the man saw himself as a savior. 

Surely you would be happy to be free of the Joker?

The more you thought about it, the more muddled and confused your thoughts became until it all just sounded like flimsy excuses.

Bruce is the lesser evil, he's a socialite like yourself and although he was hiding behind the Batman guise to cloak the fact that he had some serious psychological issues, with the Joker, at least, you understood the rules; the basic code of conduct, to put it simply, ‘There are no rules!’

What kind of challenges and trials would Bruce try to make you complete in order to prove that you aren't a threat? What would happen if you couldn't make him understand that you are not the same as the other criminals that he fought on a nightly basis?  

No. They're both dangerous. 

Shimmying out of the windowpane, you clawed at the ground, dragging your body forward. Breathing in and out, you glanced around the manor’s wide open, expansive gardens, taking note of the cars parked in the driveway. Breathing in deeply and then exhaling, you started sprinting, at first being mindful of the flowers every a few steps, and then you just decided forget it and hoofed it, especially because the sprinklers turned on, causing you to yelp and run around in an irregular pattern, still managing to get sprayed by the time you reached the driveway. 

The thought to bust the windows of the bright, candy red sports car is at the forefront of your mind but when you pulled at the handle, mysteriously, it’s open. No alarms went off. Before the revelation that Bruce was the frickin’ Batman, you’d have written this happenstance off as coincidence, now you’re wondering whether this was a ploy or not.

Climbing into the driver’s seat, you rummage about in the glove compartment and underneath the seats until by a stroke of luck, you find the car keys. Inserting the key into the ignition, you turn it and the car purred as it came to life. Putting your foot on the gasp pedal, hands grip the steering wheel, you end up going backwards, knocking over a potted plant, and then the car jerked forward, swinging to the right hard, doing ‘doughnuts’ a bit, but after a moment of trial and error, you’re peeling down the driveway, headed straight for the fence. 

Heart pounding in your chest, you put your foot down hard on the gas, expecting to have to crash through the gate but the gate opened and you peeled out of the Wayne Mansion without fanfare, making a left and driving down the quiet streets. 

You’d been let go.

But to what end?

“Master Bruce, are you certain it is wise to let Lady Y/N leave the premises, especially with her affiliations to certain...individuals?” Alfred phrased his inquiry delicately, well aware that if he pushed too hard too fast, the other man would clam up.

“I’m letting her go for that reason exactly.” Bruce reached out and snagged a cookie off the tray that his butler sat down on the empty space next to him.

“Eh?” Hands free now, Alfred adjusted his glasses. “I beg your pardon? I don’t think I follow, young sir.” 

“Y/N can’t return home to her family. Although it’s very hush-hush and won’t be released to the public for months to come, as soon as she stepped foot out of her parents’ home, the protection that her last name brought her is gone,” Taking a bite of the treat, he chewed thoroughly before swallowing and grabbing another sweet, only this time a mini cupcake. “As she’s effectively disowned. So that leaves her with only two alternatives: to rely on the Joker or to rough it out on her own.” 

Alfred didn’t say anything. 

“It is my belief that she can break the cycle of her own volition. All it would take is to sign up for the closest women’s shelter and to wait on a bed to be available.” Using the teaspoon found on the side of the cup, he lifted the lid of the biggest container on the tray and plopped two cubes of sugar in the cup of Earl Gray, swirling the liquid around until sugar completely dissolved, then took a sip.

Clearing his throat, Alfred tilted his head to the side, “And if she decides to return to the Joker?” Bruce didn’t say anything but after so many years, the elderly fellow didn’t need a verbal answer or confirmation. 

“Ah, I see.” 

Bruce turned his attention to the Bat Cave’s computer, watching the red blip on the radar. He’d planted a tracker on Y/N during their fight and wanted to see what she got up to in the meantime. 

‘Don’t let me down, Y/N...’

“A-A-Achoo!” You sneezed. Parking the car carelessly, you slammed the door shut and walked into the store, ignoring the jingle of the bell as it signified an incoming customer.

“We’re closed.” The shop owner said in a bored tone, looking at her cellphone.

Cellphone...

“No, you’re not.” You say, reaching out and snagging the cellular device, ignoring her outraged cry. “I just need to borrow this for a sec, Priscilla.”

“That’s not cool, Y/N. Not cool at all. Btw, what the hell happened to you?”

Tuning her out, you dialed a number from memory. ‘Pick up, pick up, pick up.’ Cheering internally when the person picked up, you paused during your perusal of the wracks of clothing, snapping your fingers and pointed out the outfit that you wanted. “Can’t talk on this phone for long, but we were set up.” Pausing, you listened to what the person said on the other end. “It’s good that Romina made it back safely, I’m glad. I’m on my way to the club. Get everyone ready.” Again, you paused to listen to the person the other end. “Playing nice didn’t pan out. So we’re going for a different approach.” Snapping the phone shut, you deleted the contact information and call history, handing Priscilla her phone and accepting the outfit that she had so thoughtfully taken off the hook for you. 

“Everything okay?”

“Mind your own business, honey.” You raised your eyebrows and smiled. “I forgot my card so you can just bill my mother.” 

Something in your face warned the shop owner from prying any further and she just nodded. “I think you remember where the back changing room is. Holler if you need any help.” 

Getting dressed was a bit of a challenge, especially since you didn’t have adrenaline pumping through your veins, making you ignore the minor to mildly serious injuries you’d sustained after the one-sided altercation with the Bat. 

However, you told yourself to suck it up and now wasn’t the time to be a prissy girly girl, grateful that the new outfit didn’t squeeze or pinch in uncomfortable places and was professional enough to pull off the serious businesswoman look that you’re going for. 

What was even better is that you found the bug that Bruce had planted on you, so you left that in the trash with the old clothes.

Once you’re finished, you waved at Priscilla halfheartedly as she’s once again back on her phone, playing Candy Crush and you get back into sports car, peeling away from the curb and heading downtown where the Smile n Grin is located. 

It’s late evening by the time you reached the destination and you can already hear the music is loud and people are inside when you park the car, Leo opened the door and offered his arm, which you took.

“Two-Face flipped when he realized that you ain’t dead.” Jonny informed you, falling into step beside you. “Riddler is a no-show, but the guy’s a brainiac and hopelessly arrogant, these type of celebratory shows aren’t his thing.” 

“How many of Penguin’s and Two Face’s men are in there, what about civilians?”

“Ten each. Lots of civiies” At your raised eyebrows, Jonny shrugged. “You’re supposed to be captured or dead.”

You cock your head in a ‘fair enough’ gesture. “And how many of our guys?”

“Fifty.” As you and Jonny ascended the stone steps to the back entrance, you took note that the bouncer wasn’t wearing the get up like Two Face’s or Penguin’s men; he was one of Joker’s guys. “So, how you wanna do this...Boss?”

That’s right, you’re the Boss, right now. Which meant that you had the final say, the final word. What would Joker do, if he were here? ...Kill them all, obviously, or at the least, try. Torture and psychologically torment the civilians until the Bat showed up to stop him. Is that the type of message you wanted to send to the populace when this inevitably got out to the public? 

When your deeds circled throughout the criminal underworld? 

That you’re just as crazy as your husband?

“Divide and conquer.” You mutter. Jonny raised an eyebrow. “I want Penguin’s head mounted on my wall, Two-Face isn’t my priority right now, we’ll get him later. The civilians are distractions and unimportant. Do we have something that can smoke them out?”

And so, that’s what it was. Jonny spoke into the earpiece, informing the foot soldiers of their jobs. He handed you a few smoke grenades and you slipped them into the purse you’re carrying, nodding thankfully to the bouncer who opened the door, permitting you inside. 

Music was thumping, shaking and rattling the walls. 

People were dancing, laughing, chatting. 

It almost looked like another day in J’s club, except the King isn’t in his seat. Romina signaled, jerking her chin and you looked where she’d indicated, taking note of the fact that Two-Face had stood up and was leaving, Penguin was all alone. 

Now was the time.

Dropping the smoke bombs discreetly in a few key places, you continued unwaveringly towards your destination, which was the VIP area, ignoring how the civilians coughed and complained, running for the exit. There’s a bodyguard protecting the door, he holds a hand out in front of him, trying to tell you to stop but Romina came out of nowhere and hit him in the temple, catching him before he fell. 

Brushing the golden beads aside, you took a seat next to the tipsy, short male. 

“Hello, darling.” 

Blinking lazily, movements sluggish, Oswald reached for his gun but Leo put a heavy hand on his shoulder, jerking him backwards, tightening his hold as he made a motion to pull away. All of this which you deliberately ignored, instead grabbing a glass and a bottle of expensive alcohol, pouring a generous amount. 

“We can...work something...out...” Clearly he’d been drugged as his words are slurred and slow. Kudos to Two-Face for being so devious...yet also displaying why he couldn’t be trusted.

“I had plans to...” You quirk your fingers in air quotes, “‘Work something out’.” You shook your head. “But that’s...mm, we’re not going to be friends, darling, I’m sorry. You did the most unforgivable thing, and do you know what that is?”

He said nothing. Leo shook his shoulder, but you put a calming hand as he pulled out a gun. 

“No...no violence. Not yet. I want him completely sober, so that he can understand the magnitude of his actions. Playing nice with Batman,” You reached over and slapped his shoulder. “You sly dog, you.”

“I did...what I had to. You don’t know how this city really works!”

When Leo chose to slam his head against the table, this time, you didn’t stop him. “Actually, darling? I do. And honestly, I can understand why you did what you did. I’m actually a bit peeved that I didn’t think of it first.” Slapping your thigh, you leaned back and laughed. 

“Let me go and we can renegotiate. I won’t see this as an attack. I won’t come after you anymore, I swear!” He began to hyperventilate and Jonny handed you a gun, the weapon felt heavy in your hand. “Please! Don’t do this!”

“Fool me once, shame on you.” You took off the safety, used both hands to aim at where you wanted to shoot. “Fool me twice...”

BANG!

“Holy shit.” Leo whistled, hold loosening enough so that Cobblepot could wiggle around in agony, cussing up a storm; you’d shot him in the hand. “Holy fucking shit.” He laughed.

“I’m going to kill you for this! Rip you apart and scatter the pieces!” Oswald screamed, tears streaming down his cheeks from pain and humiliation. “You have no idea who you’re dealing with, I’ll kill you...I’ll kill you all!”

“Language, darling. I’m a lady.” You chastise Leo halfheartedly. Placing your glass down, you reached forward, snagging his tie and jerking his head forward so that he hit the table face-forward, hard. “I missed, but this time...”

BANG!

Dispassionately, you released the tie from your hand, holding the gun out for somebody to take after putting back on the safety. Romina took it, placing it in a bag with gloved hands. Jonny handed you a handkerchief and wiped at the blood splatter on your face.

Once that’s finished, you pick up your glass and raise it in a toast to Cobblepot’s corpse. “Thus, ends the reign of the Penguin.”

You should be appalled by your actions, or on the verge of a breakdown. Throwing up maybe, but just like when you’d killed Marissa, you felt nothing. Taking a life comparable to fixing the sheets on the bed in the morning, routine and easy. 

“We should be getting out of here.” Leo commented. “Do you guys hear that?”

“Hear what?” Romina asked, brows furrowed. 

“Cops. The cops are coming!!” The bouncer came rushing in, out of breath. “We gotta get out of here. Right now.”

“Then let’s go.” Grabbing the tie from around Cobblepot’s neck, you also grabbed the bottle of alcohol and glass. You didn’t complain when the rest of the motley crew started cleaning up, Leo grabbed your arm and everyone was hauling ass, not wanting to go to Blackgate or Arkham. 

Although you didn’t know it then, this is the day where the start of your legacy began, not just as the Joker’s Queen, or his woman, but you own path as his equal and his opposite.

Next morning, 11:35 A.M. Arkham Asylum

“My name’s Harleen. Doctor Harleen Quinzel. Miss Y/L/N, it’s to my understanding that you wished to get a glimpse at the inner workings of the Asylum?” The blonde, blue eyed woman in the starch white coat didn’t look like much at first glance and part of you wondered where your mother had the gall to hire someone so young to deal with these psychopaths but then again, maybe there was something to her that you were overlooking.

Clearing your throat her inquisitive look, you smiled. “Actually, Doctor Quinzel, I wanted to ask you to do a teensy-tiny favor for me.” 

Eyebrows raising, she pushed her glasses up more on the bridge of her nose as they’d slid down. “And what’s that?”

You smiled slowly. 

With a bit of coercion and subtle manipulation, you’d managed to get the good doctor to do what you wanted, but she wasn’t happy about it. Actually, you could almost say that she felt too...protective of this particular patient.

So she bore watching. 

“If isn’t my naughty girl.” J smiled in that familiar, completely insane way of his. “You came to see me? Talk about a sur-prise.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I’m not your anything.” There are cameras in here, so you had to be careful about what you said and did. “I wanted to see Gotham’s biggest headache in your natural habitat.” 

“Why don’t you come a little closer? I feel so disconnected with you sitting alllll the way over there.” There’s a daring tinge to Joker’s smile. Taunting.

“Do you think I’m scared of you?”

“Aren’t you?” 

Standing up from your seat, you walk around the table, stopping within arm’s distance of the King of Chaos. “See? I’m not s--”

J lunged at you, snapping his teeth and you jerked back, falling on your butt. The door burst open and guards rushed in, along with Quinzel who quickly pulled you out of the room. Pain seized throughout your body, almost like you’d been tazed and your legs went from out underneath you. 

“Y/N! Miss Y/L/N, are you okay?” Quinzel reached out, trying to calm you as your body locked up again, the veins sticking out on your neck prominently. “You must be having a seizure. God, why did this have to happen on my watch...” 

Joker’s eerie laughter echoed throughout the hall as the guards dragged him out the room. The two of you made eye contact and he winked, blood dribbling down his chin, a bruise forming near his eye. 

“The itsy-bitsy Batsy went up the waterspout, down came the Joker...”

“I...I’m fine.” Breathing in deep, you hugged the surprised blonde, “Thank you so much for protecting me, Doctor!” And you stealthily retrieved her keycard, slipping it underneath your shirt sleeve and mustering up tears that further distracted her as she helped you to your feet, trying to console you. Eventually, once you calmed down and were handed off to the guards, you switched the card’s position so that it’s in your purse. There was no trouble in going through the metal detector, thank goodness. 

Leo held the door open for you and you climbed inside the limo, glancing back at the gloomy building once more before Jonny pulled off after Leo got back in the car. 

Step one in getting J out of this place?

Success. 

#dc #joker #dc imagine #the joker #suicide squad #the joker imagine #suicide squad imagine #black reader #joker x reader #jared leto joker #thekrazykeke

[kaoarika]

Today I ended up finding a webtoon in the Korean Naver site that I fell pretty interested into.

I think at first it was my morbid curiousity about how a Korean artist would tackle the topic, because at times, I take for granted that perhaps this was one of those stories.

One of those stories about an overweight person having to lose weight to find their happiness and increase their self-esteem.

Except, perhaps my first impression changed when I was checking each one of those chapters... because this was nowhere as “fun” or “one of these stories”... well, kinda a bit...

The series is called “좋아하는 부분” (literally, “My Favorite Part”),by the webcomic artist Tari (or Taree) and it’s about an overweight woman who has very low self-esteem, who happens to like guys who are very attractive... however, this is a downfall on its own, because on one hand, some take advantage of her naiveness and well-intentions (and that “I want to find love”), and on the other hand, sigh, these men are literal assholes who don’t find overweight women to be attractive.

But then, there is a guy, who likes her and finds her attractive - he is also overweight as her. And he is also the opposite MC of this series, btw.

I really don’t want to spoil that much, because I just got a general gist of it, and there’s no translation of it ANYWHERE in ENG, not even a fan translation, so I may have understood wrong some stuff... (this is also why I’m referring each of them as MCs, I don’t know their names ;_;) but I can summarize it in the follow points:

*The male MC is incredibly into her, and they start going out as friends. I want to say he kinda fell in love at first sight of her (and he is incredibly cute as chubby, :’D)... but he is also a bit... off.

*Things start falling out (and this is only in the first 10 episodes!) once an old classmate of his appears on scene. This classmate first reaction when she recognized him was “he changed a lot”, but freaks out when she sees him who is going out with him. It happens that, when they were in high school, m!MC showed an interest in her... when she was fat (he was also very slender in the past, btw). She then cites the f!MC to tell her that she has to be careful with him, because he may not be seeing her as who she is, but instead of her fatness (!).

*Ofc f!MC freaks out because she was getting a crush in him (a first of hers, because he wasn’t slender as the other guys; but was clearly having some chemistry with her, and he seemed very nice) and thinks that, perhaps he isn’t as different as the other guys she liked before.

*After drama shenanigan happens (cuz it’s spoiler :P), a year passes by, and life goes on. In the present, the main guy has lost weight, and his first scene is finding out that his gf (or so I think?) has been cheating on him... reasons for that are a bit more clear later. But then, I think a friend of his invites him over, and finds out that the girl he liked has been dating (?) and working with him.

*And then things get a bit more conflictive and serious, because the guy CLEARLY still likes her, and he doesn’t really want ther to end with assholes who also CLEARLY take advantage of her, and also people who clearly want her to “change” for them instead of doing so for herself.

The series right now is under 55 episodes, with a return from hiatus to start the 2nd part/season in October 4th.

And... for lots of reasons, I really want to protect both MCs so much. Like, REALLY.

You would ask me, “but, Kao, why do you root for this series too much?”. And I will say, first, that it went over my first impression. Sometimes, this is the kind of premise that will launch to a “slice of life” or “comedy” series, something that people will expect “duh, it’s obvious that the main MC is going to lose weight and learn some self-esteem”... but, as I was checking it, I was getting a vibe of “My ID is Gangnam Beauty”. The premise is not for fun, tbh.

It’s really rare looking for some body diversity in main characters of an eastern  series, even if it’s a bit more in the negative side (but not in the whole “one of those kind of stories” that I’m tired af to see around as a plot element). Sure, I am probably asking something like Pochamani or perhaps a bit more in the Patissier to Ojou-san side, and this may not be fully delivering it, lol. AND, MAN, the comments section in the Naver site (through GT) are generally... bad :’D

I think, there also need to be more series that want to root for a message of “you have to change for yourself, and not live the expectatives of others, as they also want you to live up to their expectatives” (which I believe what “My ID...” plays a bit with... Mirae had plastic surgery because she didn’t feel pretty.. .and even when she did, she is catalogued as a “monster”... and she is still working with self-issues, too), because, I’m also a believer that “well, you lost weight, but your self-esteem is not going to change from one day to another”.

“But, Kao... isn’t this also a bit toxic? If you are saying the male MC is a bit off and may be looking at the female MC just because he likes her fat... isn’t that fetishization, too?” I cannot whole answer this for some reasons... like I mentioned above, he does like her as a person, and seems that he wants her to find out her own self-worthiness (as far as I understood) instead of simply changing for others (it pisses him off that guys take advantage of her), and yes, he likes her the way she is atm... but this issue is also (briefly?) discussed in the series, too. I don’t have the facts straight as why he gained so much weight (from HS to adulthood)... or why he lost it in less of a year, for example... but he seems to have some sort of trauma about why he doesn’t like going out with skinny girls (and he tried, his ex was skinny)... and he also has some other issues related to what I mentioned in the above paragraph... not fully uncovered... one thing is that he has a type... other is that he looks traumatized about another...

Tsk, did I mention his chubby self was pretty cute? SURE, before the drama unchained I was like “damn, this guys looks too cute... I hope these two end up together!”, but right now I just want to protect them both.

Now the biggest question I have in mind is “so, why isn’t this translated yet?” At this point, I’m waiting IF the western LINE/Naver/Webtoon gets it... but I wish there was some fan translation, as well... Like I said, sure, this isn’t “cute” as Pochamani (to be fan translated? heck, I dunno... but I pray this happens)... but... I really want to READ IT and not making this whole writing about it. I do wonder... if this is also some kind of “fear” about negativity from users. Like, I have seen other (mostly from the Discover section) series’ comments section about “why this MC doesn’t lose weight?”, “”I hope you are not promoving fat as ‘healthy’” and, I get that this would be... controversial from a standing point... but, the story seems interesting, and I SUPPOSE I also want some “normalization” about “hell, not everyone has to be thin to be happy, too”.

OFC, I’m a bit afraid of what will happen in the return from the hiatus, because episode 55 SURELY left a cliffhanger that I wish I could understand, too! but *lays down*

ALSO; ALSO, looking for ENG info of the series is, futile, as the title “My Favorite Part” is a pretty simple sentence that is used EVERYWHERE.

Link for the series available (as free on Naver), returns from hiatus in October 4th, 2018. (For pluses, it’s also in the XOY Webtoon (from the JPN Naver branch) site as “Kimi wo Suki na ri yuu”, so, it has been translated SOMEWHERE.

#좋아하는 부분 #My Favorite Part #webtoon #taree #kao's ramblings #i really want to be able to read this so much

[meusyou-blog1]

Discovering Me

I haven’t posted in a while. Things got too busy, but something has changed since the last post. I’ve learned a lot about myself, and the most important thing I’ve learned has to do with this month, Pride Month. 

Buckle up. This will be a long ride. But don’t worry. There will be a tl;dr at the bottom.

CW: Discussion of Erasure, Discourse, brief discussion of rape (#6 on lists), some foul language, let me know if I missed anything.

This past year, I learned that I am asexual. Not only am I asexual, but I’m questioning my romantic orientation. Maybe I’m heteroromantic, and maybe I’m biromantic. Questioning is what started my journey to discovering my asexuality, so I’m embracing this next step in my journey, to fight against my internalized behavior and view on certain subjects and break free to discovering me. But this post isn’t so much about that. That will be a different post, maybe tomorrow or maybe next year. Who knows. Discovering Me Part 2 is on the way.

This post is about my experience within my first year of embracing Asexuality. No one else, though part of my observations have included many people within the Asexual community. If you want to skip this paragraph, feel free, but this is a quick summary of the discovery process. Many moons ago (cheap way to get out of actually having the figure out the years) I met one of my closest friends on a website. We began discussing many subjects, and eventually landed on the subject of sexuality. It was at this point that I learned what Asexuality was. It was the first time I’d ever heard of it. Outside of biology, of course. I had so much to learn, and in learning, I discovered that we had a lot in common. It took me years to figure out that this was because I was, in fact, asexual. My whole life, I’ve been asexual, and never knew. 

Since coming out as Asexual, I’ve never felt better about myself. I’ve learned that there is nothing wrong with me, because there are others like me and I am valid. It’s okay to not feel sexual attraction and it’s okay to not want to engage in sexual activities. Even more so, sexuality is a spectrum and one can be fluid. It’s now my belief that sexual and romantic orientation can be static or fluid equally, and it depends on the individual.

Now, the reason for this post. It’s the end of Pride Month. My first Pride Month. I was so happy to be me, and I was so happy to be able to celebrate with the other Aces I’ve met through group pages on Tumblr and Facebook. There was a lot of positivity for each other in these groups. But what I found outside of them?

Quite frankly, a lot of the behavior has been disgraceful.

Now wait. I’m sure there are plenty of people already writing responses to say how I’m ‘making something out of nothing’ or ‘trying to play the victim.’ Hell, I’m sure there are people who already stopped reading to tell me how I’m not valid. But see, that’s the point of this post. 

Let me list a few things I’ve learned this month about Asexuality specifically. If I talked about everything, this would be the longest post ever, and no one is going to read it anyway so I might as well just cover the one thing. I may or may not agree with these things, we’ll get to that later. This is just a list of what I’ve observed. I will edit as necessary.

1. Asexuals are not oppressed. 

2. Asexuality isn’t a real sexuality.

3. Cisgender, Heteroromantic Asexuals do not belong in the LGBTQIA+ community.

4. Asexuals likely suffer from something (trauma, low libido, blahblahBLAHblahblah, what have you...)

5. Asexuals, by creating their own community, are threatening the LGBTQIA+ community. 

6. The use of the term “Corrective Rape” is inappropriate and an insult to lesbians for which the term was originally used.

These were the biggest ones. There were others, and if anyone is reading this, please feel free to continue this list if you like. Discussion is the point. Also, before we continue, yes, I know not all LGBTQIA+. We have a ton of supporters in the community, and we’re all aware and grateful for the support, just as you are of your supporters. But the others. Those who don’t support. They often have the loudest voices. I’m sure you know. 

Now, I’m not trying to overshadow anyone else’s problems. Trans and Bisexuals in the community are getting a lot of hate from the community as well. I recognize and understand that. Most of us in the Asexual community do. So let’s just start with one easy fact we can all agree on, yes?

For most of us, we feel we were born this way. Of course, other situations can play into our current orientations. But most of us believe that the way we are is the way we’ve always been, at least to some degree. That’s part of the joy of being ‘out,’ isn’t it? So I can’t blame a gay man for only liking men in that manner. Nor can I blame a trans woman for being a woman. No one can blame me for not feeling sexual attraction, or a demisexual for only feeling sexual attraction after creating a strong emotional bond. See, sexuality and romantic orientation are almost impossible to lump into groups. Everyone has a different experience, and that’s why spectrums exist. We need to respect that while someone is under an umbrella term, they may not identify entirely with the majority. One small change is all it takes to be viewed as an outsider. Or at least that’s what I have observed. All sexualities are valid. This does not include anything outside of sexual attraction, though. Do not be confused, and do not tell me pedophiles belong in the lgbtqia+ community. That is a different discussion. Moving on. Let’s talk about the list. 

1. Asexuals are not oppressed. Wrong. NOW WAIT! Before you start typing away, here’s why: Oppression comes in many shapes and sizes. No one is saying we are getting killed in the streets during daytime because we don’t feel sexual attraction. Literally no one, and I’ve been looking. We are not comparing ourselves to other members of the community. We are not systematically oppressed. Sure. But we are oppressed to some degree (This is not to say we are oppressed by outside hate groups). Oppression isn’t a race to the finish line. It’s not a ‘who has it worse’ game. Oppression sucks no matter how much you experience. Telling me that I have never been called an abomination just walking down the street, so that doesn’t make me a member of the community, is the most ridiculous fucking thing I’ve ever heard. “Did you get threatened today? I did. Out with you!” Hi. I have news for you. Perhaps we are not getting death threats from as many straight people as you. But guess what? If you’re about to type in the comments “If you’re not systemically oppressed, you don’t belong in the community,” Many people would say YOU’RE THE OPPRESSOR HI HELLO.

We want other people who AREN’T THE SAME AS US to say “Hi. You’re Asexual? That’s neat. I’m ____. Wanna be friends?” Instead of “Hi. You’re Asexual? Here’s why you’re not.” This, friends, is erasure. It takes many forms, but this one is pretty common. “Oh you just have a low libido/you haven’t met the right person yet/have you tried having sex/etc.” Basically, people are telling us our sexuality is not valid, and more of a ‘phase’ that can be ‘cured’ in some shape or form. Is erasure oppression? A little bit, I’d think. Doesn’t it sound familiar? I mostly think that because other groups have brought up their own erasure as a form of oppression in the past. So....? Let’s move forward.

I’m going to bring number 6 up as it’s own, so have patience. We’re gonna skip right over to the community here. We covered erasure. Let’s next talk about the definition of Oppression. Feel free to look it up on google. Here are some keywords/phrases: Burdened by troubles, adverse conditions, anxiety, etc. The exercise of authority or power in a burdensome, cruel, or unjust manner. 

Oh, Tumblr. How guilty you are. Not just you, of course, but let’s just jump right into the toxicity of many loud bloggers. Cisgender Heteromantic Asexuals often experience not only erasure but straight up bullying. Yes ladies and gents and those in between, cyber bullying. This is not my main blog. This is my ‘who cares what anyone else reads or says of mine’ blog. I have been told I don’t exist. I have been told I don’t belong. I have been told I don’t belong in the community. I have been told I must be a bad girlfriend, unable to provide. I have been told I will never find love, and will die alone. What was that definition again? The exercise of authority or power in a what manner? Get this! most often than not, I am not asked my romantic orientation. I am not given a chance to say “I currently identify as heterosexual, but I’m questioning if I may be bisexual.” That is an afterthought, after all the acid has been spewed. 

I have been told I just need a good lay to be normal. I have been the butt of jokes, because being Asexual is apparently funny. I have been coerced into sexual activities with their partners, even though I didn’t want to. I have been told that I can be ‘fixed’ if I just open up to a therapist (which, btw, for those who don’t know, I’ve been told multiple times that Asexuality was considered a mental illness until like 2013). I have been told, many times, that I should just ‘kill myself’. Not only by straight people. That’s right. Members of the community. All of these Ace Hate pages? Yes, hello, welcome to the party. You are the oppressors! 

I also want to point out that, again, everything is a spectrum. There are Cisgender HETEROROMANTIC Bisexuals. It happens. There are Cisgender Heteroromantic Homosexuals who may choose not to identify as bisexual, and that is their choice. So what makes me straight if I identify as a Cisgender Heteroromantic Asexual? That is not heteronormative.

2. Asexuality isn’t a real sexuality. Well, maybe you’re right. I don’t know. I’m not the authority on this, and you sure as hell aren’t either. I didn’t sign up for this. But let’s talk about sexuality. When we label our sexuality, we are effectively saying “this gets me going.” We’re saying I am sexually attracted to ____. So Asexuals are saying “I am sexually attracted to nothing.” Now, that’s a generalization because again, spectrum, but you get the idea. So maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s just a name for nothing. But where it gets tricky is when we talk about sex-positivity, sex-neutrality, and sex-repulsivity. These are a part of the spectrum of Asexuality, and I’m sure you’re all smart enough to figure out what it means. Basically, you either view sex positively and may like to participate, you don’t care either way, or sex is gross for whatever reason. Everyone perceives sex differently. That’s okay. I think by saying Asexual isn’t a real sexuality, people are erasing that some Asexuals do actually have sex. I don’t know. Could just be me. Either way, I consider Asexuality a real sexuality, because otherwise, I am nothing. I’m not straight. Just a bit of space dust on a rock. :) 

3. Cisgender, Heteroromantic Asexuals do not belong in the community. Why? If you read the last couple paragraphs for my explanation of number 1, as well as my response to number 2, this shouldn’t still be an argument. Let’s discuss what it means to be straight. You must be 3 things to be straight. 1) Cisgender. Check. I bring this up because, while it has been pointed out this is a transphobic statement (which is not my intention,) it is used in arguments literally all the time against asexuals, and therefore, it is only my observation that people are using this to reinforce being ‘straight’. Many people in the community are cisgendered, so watch out! You could be straight, too! Hold on, calm down, two more to go. 2) Heteroromantic. Check(ish?). Phew, some of you are safe! But, still, not all. See, as I stated above, being a certain orientation sexually is not always mirrored romantically. For instance, and this is a real person I know, I have a Heteroromantic friend who is quite Bisexual. There’s totally nothing wrong with that. In fact, it’s great. Because, again, spectrum. So look out! You’re not all safe yet! Here we go.....drumroll....3) Heterosexual. Ouch! Missed by one. How’d everyone else do? If you said yes to all 3, you’re straight! If not, guess what! You’re not! And that’s awesome. Everything is awesome. Be who you are proudly! But most of all, stop shitting on everyone else. Now, I understand some straight people are shitty. But some people in the community can be just as shitty. Please see my response to number 1. ;) Basically, if you ain’t straight, you’re in the community, friend! It’s based off of an early principle of the community - You are welcome if you fall outside of heteronormativity. 

4. Asexuality is likely a result of abuse, trauma, illness, etc... Okay so most of the time I hear this from straight people. I’m not surprised. It’s okay to not understand something. But know when to listen and have an open mind. At the end of the day, you need to stay in your lane. It’s cool. It’s a learning process.

Now, for community members who say this. Are you for real? Don’t you remember when people were saying that about you? Treating your orientations as a phase? Telling you it must be from all that abuse, or because mommy let you join choir instead of football, or daddy didn’t let you date? Don’t you remember when everyone thought it was a mental illness? They still say it! You’re still hearing it! Or have you forgotten so quickly? Why do you say this to us? And for those of us for which this statement is true, why in hell does this make us less valid? Whether it was the result of abuse, trauma, etc., or not, it’s not your job to tell us why we are the way we are. Instead of shaming us for the result, try welcoming us and treating us as friends. Again, we’re not getting killed in the streets. No, I don’t fear for my life because I say I’m Asexual. But our emotions are valid, and emotional trauma as well as physical trauma is tragic when happening to anyone. Just because asexuality =/= death (yet, since it’s still barely known who knows what could happen), doesn’t mean we don’t need a space. It’s a smaller space. We’re fine with that. 

5. Asexual communities are a threat to LGBTQIA+ communities. How? Somewhere I read that Asexuals currently make up less than 1% of the population. Maybe that number just came out of someone’s ass, but we’re definitely a minority. I know 2 people irl who identify on the Asexual spectrum. 2. In 25 years of living. Honestly, who knows how many of us are out there, because many people don’t even know what Asexuality is yet, as evidenced by the “you can’t reproduce by yourself” messages some Ace groups get. They’re quite funny. Anyway, yes. We have our own community. It is the Ace community. Are you Ace? You’re in the community. Welcome. Are you Trans? You’re in the Trans community. Are you Gay? You’re in the Gay community. See how this works? And, are you not straight? Welcome. You are in the LGBTQIA+ community. 

Nay-sayers have been telling us to create our own community since we’ve been vocal about our sexuality. “You don’t belong here. If you want a safe space, make your own.” We made our community a little more solid. “How dare you try to overshadow us and steal our resources!” Okay. You’re ridiculous. 

The fact of the matter is, you’re not going to be happy so long as we exist. It’s a lonely world out there, especially when you feel like you don’t belong. Or did you not experience that? Must be nice. Maybe you’ve forgotten. No one understands us completely except for other people like us. So of COURSE we have a community. Just like you do. It’s nice. It helps us feel valid. It’s a support system for when something else in our life falls to hell because, surprise, we’re not ‘normal’. But we’re so. small. We want to be part of something bigger so that we can feel accepted and bond over our shared experiences, instead of being reminded of how we’re different. Isn’t that what you wanted? Did you forget? 

One last note on this. I have seen a LOT of arguments about whether or not the A stands for Ally or Asexual, or both (I mean, the Q is Queer or Questioning, right?) but some people (in and out of our community) feel that straight allies receive less push back than asexuals in the community. Strange. Now, I haven’t seen this because I steer clear of most LGBTQIA+ events. Why? Well I would love to participate, but I’m afraid of being harassed by people who think I don’t belong. So I can show up as an Ally, but I can’t show up as an Asexual? What if I want to be an Ally? I want to help your fight. It’s awful what happens to you. I can’t be, because I’m Asexual? Because I’m not going to keep my Asexuality to myself. I’m proud of my Asexuality. So evidently, I can’t be both. Isn’t the community about several smaller communities coming together to fight for rights and visibility? If the Asexual community wants to join your fight and help the larger community, why is that so terrible?

6. Corrective Rape is a term that was created specifically for Lesbians is how this was first put to me. I nearly choked on air. Yes, Lesbians and female bisexuals (males as well? Let me know if this is the case-) are treated horribly by many societies. Yes, they are raped to teach them the ‘correct’ way to be. It’s disgusting. Everyone knows it’s disgusting, and as a woman who was assaulted in a very different situation, I can tell you firsthand it’s one of the worst things that can happen to a human being. 

I have a story that some of you may not want to read, so skip this if you feel you may get upset. It involves a woman who is Asexual, and a man who is not. The woman trusts this man. He is a father, or brother, or relative, or husband, or date, or stranger. This woman tells this man that she does not feel sexual attraction. Maybe she needed to tell someone. Maybe she needed to tell him so he didn’t create expectations. Maybe she’s just very open about herself and very proud of who she is. Then, this man laughs at her and tells her she’s silly. He tells her she just hasn’t had a good fuck. She becomes offended, and tries to explain her sexuality, but he continues to laugh at her and says he knows how to ‘fix’ her. Maybe he tries.

Get the picture? I won’t continue. We all know what happens next. What does that sound like, to you? Does it sound like a normal rape story? Sure. Except for one keyword. Fix. What about if the man suddenly became irrationally angry? Does that make it more convincing? That happens, too. Either way, in some way or another, it is done with the goal to ‘fix’ her. Or him. Or them. Whoever it may be in this story. Because there are a million different ways this story could go. So tell me. What does this sound like to you? Does it sound like rape with the purpose of correcting? 

Some people argue that the term was ‘coined’ (as was said to me) for Lesbians. But this term is describing an event. Look up the definition. Whether or not that is the case, this is the best way to describe this situation. And it happens. Like it or not, you can’t change that. No one can. And to look someone in the face and say that despite your experiences, you’re not valid? 

Like it or not, if someone is not Cisgender, Heteroromantic, and Heterosexual all at the same time, they are not straight. That is what straight is. You can’t change that definition to *gasp* exclude someone. It’s not your job. This community is about providing a safe space, for everyone to feel welcome and included because we don’t fit in with straight people. Yes, some groups experience more dangerous oppression than others, and they deserve all the resources they require. Yes, other groups needs to recognize when they do not need certain resources. But we all need to realize that oppression in any form is toxic. It is painful, and we could all use love and acceptance. This is working together to understand that we all hurt, but some of us are privileged in being able to have only emotional hurt, instead of physical and emotional hurt. That doesn’t make the hurt less valid. Ever. But it certainly means we have a space, and we need to stay in it. Everyone in the community should be of this mindset: “Come in, join us. You belong somewhere. You are valid. Here is your space. Please stay in your space.” This is working together to create a better community than we left. A better community than the one that rejected us all. 

Happy Pride Month, everyone. I’m PROUD to be a Cisgender, Heteroromanticish Asexual, and I am PROUD to be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community! 

TL;DR: 

You know what? I can’t condense that. It’s all too important. But I WILL leave a reminder: I am but one person speaking on my own about things I have observed in and out of the community. These are my thoughts as it stands, and of course are subject to change. I am open to discussion, and more than willing to learn more about other people’s experiences. 

Finally, most of this post WAS aimed at the minority. Most people in the community do not sit around and hate on Asexuals. I said it earlier and I will say it again and again. But hopefully this post was informative for somebody.

#asexual #pride #pride month #lgbtqia #oppression #ace #ace discourse #ace erasure #ace pride

[tayegi]

Equilibrium is blowing my mind 😮😮😮 I never expected jungkook to suddenly turn into some possessive psycho jerk 😨😨 I really hope he gets his shit together. What the flying f*ck 😱😱😱 In fact It'd be cool if Jin suddenly showed up with food and The OC leaves that chaotic relationship for food 😂😂😂😂 EVRYONE WOULD PICK FOOD OVER RELATIONSHIPS. right ? Am i the only one lol *cries*

AHHHH THANK YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE FOR THEIR LOVELY ASKS!!! IT’S GOOD TO KNOW THAT PEOPLE CAN HAVE HEALTHY, NON-PROBLEMATIC REACTIONS TO GROSS, CONTROLLING MEN! 

Anonymous said:Sorry for being late to the party lol, but I just read the new update of Equilibrium and I felt so fucking anxious and scared for the oc. I don't know how in the hell, some ppl find jungkook's actions hot when he is literally being psychotic and obsessive. Especially the part when he told her 'You'll regret it', he's basically threatening her there. It's obvious the whole relationship they have is toxic af and it only seems to be getting worse as time passes. Apart from that, have a nice day!

Anonymous said:OMG EQUILIBRIUM 11 Omg I still have goosebumps, like Jungkook was being so fucking possessive it scared the shit out of me. Even tho It was a shitty move for the oc to not attend his graduation, she still could had attended but that phone call... I don't want this to turn into some creepy murdering fanfic LOL. Ughhh Jungkook what is even going in your mind? I'll be looking forward to the next chapter! xx :)

Anonymous said:Dude, you did such a great job at writing o/c's anxiety in this chapter. I try not to be bias toward her, but it's really hard since the story us in her pov. I got seriously grossed out by JK, man. I was so uncomfortable with the whole morning ordeal. 😩 And his threat at the end?? I know it's a story, but I had my friend-instincts kick in and I just wanted to shake her and be like "PLEASE LEAVE THIS RN PLEASE" (1)

Anonymous said:(2) And I'm curious about how Jimin would react if he knew how JK was acting. He has this idea that JK is a perfect boy, but if only he knew...But, at the same time, they all have this distorted view of one another, huh? We see Jimin as Mr. Perfect cause that's how o/c sees him. I guess it goes into that whole "unreliable narrator" thing? I'm just writing what thoughts the chapter has provoked. I absolutely love how u pay attention to detail in this story!! Awesome job as usual, mane 😊🙆

Anonymous said:Jungkook needs to take a moment to realize how miserable and uncomfortable the OC is like my goodness. Things have gone waaaaaay downhill. Especially for the OC. Also Jungkook actions are just kind of creepy??? And just like so unhealthy. I know it can be really hard to get out of a relationship, and she still loves Jimin and all, but the OC needs to just get out of there.

Anonymous said:omg jk is becoming such a possessive creep like reading the last part gave me chills tbh. they all need to realize that this relationship is v toxic and dip out of it. i kind of expected this to become what it is from the beginning but you still added twists to it that caught me off guard, thanks for being a great writer lu

Anonymous said:oh man that last chapter. just really fucking scary.... i went back and reread the end of ch.10 to recap and it makes me wonder how far y/n's willing to go for what's "worth it" in exchange for her own personal well being. because fuck, what jungkook is exhibiting is extremely concerning. as always your writing is amazing! thank you for using your free time this way, i'm sorry people are being gross and rude. you don't deserve that kinda shit, lu :(

Anonymous said:I genuinely love how you describe the OC as a trapped bird, and seeing how Jungkook reacted to everything is actually causing me to fear for the OC's well-being. I just want her to exist the whole relationship and just hook up with sunshine, can do no wrong hobi instead of the possessive junglecock and the passive Jimin :/ just my thoughts. But you're an extremely talented writer and your PhD is more important than smutty fanfic, so take all the time you need

Anonymous said:Ok first of all what the hell at ppl asking u for quick updates cuz ive lived with phd students they literally have a never ending to do list and im so amazed at ur ability to find time to write unbelievable. U go girl. And 2ndly, the claustraphobia u mentioned that oc was feeling. That was so detailed and even i felt like i was in her place. And jk..uve characterized his possessiveness so well and i got so mad forgetting this was a fictional character i was ready to throw a chair

Anonymous said:eek jungkook is making the equilibrium relationship so unhealthy somebody punch him

Anonymous said:Jungkook makes me so uncomfortable and I can actually feel the claustrophobia that OC feels .-. Overall, really excited for the next parts and can't wait to reread to see if I can find more theories. Thanks for the new chapter!

Anonymous said:ch 11... HOLY FUCK SHE NEED TO GET OUT JK IS LOONEY!! you really know how to make a story really good dude. super excited for updates!! i'm really curious about jimin's thought process about all of this. you've given a really good insight on kook and oc but jimin is still a little hard for me to figure out, i assume that's coming soon? i feel for oc, i want to protect her and tell her she's stronger and smarter than all of this. she's worth more than all of this craziness!!! GIRL POWER!! lol

Anonymous said:Holy fucking shit everything is so messed up in equilibrium like !! I love it and at the same time i cry because of the way you describe the oc's feelings I SWEAR I CAN FEEL IT TOO HOW DO YOU DO THAT? I can feel everything, my heart is pounding so fast now. Im so into it and i just want her to run away from this toxic relationship and take care of herself first like i know she loves jimin to the core but she is more important my heart clenches at every exquisite word you writE THANK YOU SO MUCH

Anonymous said:The story is really great I love how original your writing is I don't even see the characters as Jm an jk Which allows me to see how disgusting they all let themselves be treated in the relationship, a lot of the times I feel like readers are blinded by the image of an idol it changes their perspective honestly even if it was just one person who was lying about loving the other it would still be just as horrible I'm really curious as to what's even going on and how you are going to continue it❤️

ahmie-cat said:I feel so sad for the oc in equilibrium. Jungkook don't own nobody! How dare he claim ownership on the oc! I will fight him any day! I'll fight for the oc's freedom rights. Lols, just kidding... But really all of the characters are so sad...

Anonymous said:Honestly in the earlier chapters i really liked Jungkook but now hes just scaring me. The way the OC reacts to all his actions is so relatable thats exaclty how I would feel in her situation. This is crazy I dont even know how this fic would end I love it so much

Anonymous said:I was the anon who recommended you watch wfkbj and I'm so glad you like it!! :) ALSO the latest chapter of equilibrium was so good oh my god;; it's just ramping up like tenfold and while I was reading it sometimes I just had to stop and take a breather bc of all the tension lol. Honestly I don't even know how the oc is dealing with jungkook rn bc his behavior would chill me to the very bone I would have to get out !!! Anyways as always thank you for updating

Anonymous said:ah goodness, it was autocorrect that changed jungkook to jongkook! maybe next time i'll just use jinglebook to refer to him instead thens ahahahah. "goodness gracious, jinglebook is hella possessive that i'm actually really scared for y/n :s"

Anonymous said:GIRL THANK YOU FOR UPDATING OMG IM SHAKING IN MY CHANKLAS JUNGKOOK IS SO DELUSIONAL AND I WISHED OC WOULDVE BEEN STRAIGHT UP WITH HIM AND LIKE IDK NOT MILK ON HIS CRAZYNESS IM JUST SO ANXIOUS TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT SORRY FOR TYPING IN CAPS

Anonymous said:So, uh. Equilibrium Jungkook is fucking terrifying....

Anonymous said:I hope the oc in equilibrium leaves the relationship. It's so unhealthy and I feel like she might develop some type of mental illness or just be very stressed and anxious if she continues the relationship.... It's just a fanfic, but man, i'd hate to be in her position... I feel like crying Lols. Is this what you intended?? Haha.... It's really good so far I'm looking forward to what happens next. I feel like there'll be a good moral to the story. *Fingers crossing.

Anonymous said:Damn wtf jungkook behavior is freaking me out 😳 "you'll regret it" like wtf crazy people say shit like that

Anonymous said:jkzldlzlldz TF IS HAPPENING I'M SO CONFUSED JK IS CRAZY WTF OMG

Anonymous said:the characters in equilibrium seem to have never been in an actual proper relationship so the fact that they seem to have lasted this long is by sheer miracle. It's also probably why their worst aspects are even more apparent like jk's obsessiveness (which btw yikes boy yikesss) they literally all need to walk far far away from each other cause they a mess but I do wonder who's gonna be the first to do it cause it's all so complicated now, sorry for rambling I just love this fic so much!!

Anonymous said:What the ever loving monkey fuck is wrong with Jungkook. See, i was okay with him being jealous of Jimin because that's normal. I was moderately okay with OC agreeing to Jungkook's terms because she wants to stay with Jimin. I AM NOT OKAY with his sociopathic tendencies and how obsessive he's become. I think he's mistaken OCs genuine kindness for romantic interest at one point. And the thing that scares me the most is how Jimin seems to have no idea what's going on right under his nose as well

Anonymous said:Bruhhhh jungkook is legit fucking scary but the story itself is amazing and complex im gonna reread it right now

Anonymous said:Equilibrium is getting really interesting!! I'm kinda worried tht ppl read sentences like "Even a domesticated pet needs a taste of freedom" in context with her just /looking/ at jimin and think 'oh how romantic' tho. In every scene between her and jk u can practically feel her discomfort and fear and his possessiveness and how he's abusing her. I would normally stop reading a fic like tht bc I don't like it when the ppl are written like that bc they are real after all but I'm super hooked (1/2)

Anonymous said:(2/2)now and I am also really curious as to if and how they all are gonna get out of that situation or if jk kills her before they can just bc she takes care of a literally puking-everywhere-bedridden jimin. I'm also curious how Jimin is gonna act towards y/n now that they're alone and if he even noticed the toxic stuff that's happening between her and jk or if he didn't even notice bc jk kept him "happy" (idk how else to put it) so yeah. Keep up the great work!! Have a nice day xx

Anonymous said:GURL YOU NEED TO RUN FAST AND YOU NEED TO RUN FAR. It sucks that Jimin doesn't like OC romantically, but he's just using you to stay with JK. But JK... that shit is gonna hit the roof soon soon and it ain't gonna be pretty @.@

Anonymous said:Hey Lu, thanks for taking the time to update again~ Regarding the story...Jungkook is incredibly terrifying, like I had to step away a few times as I read because I just want the reader to leave so badly. I wish she would just be like "peace out". Everyone should just leave this situation and say "peace out". Even though I know the feelings are so complicated between all of them, it's just such a shit show on fire :( . Well done on setting everything up though. The tension is insane!

Anonymous said:Ugh I honestly want to slap Jungkook so hard. Possessive little shit.. As always your writing is amazing. Thank you for the update.

Anonymous said:OC, JIMINS DICK ISNT WORTH AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP GTFO THAT SITUATION GIRL IM SCREAMING

Anonymous said:JEONS FUCKED IN THE HEAD. HE WAS CUTE AND ALL AT FIRST BUT THEN IDK GIRL, I FEEL SORRY FOR JIMIN AND OC. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS HAPPENING ALL I KNOW IS I LOVE THIS AND I CERTAINLY LOVE YOU! IS HE PSYCHOTIC THO? FEELS LIKE JEON WOULD KILL ANYONE WHO DARE TO TOUCH OC..

mirajoey said:MY GAWDD!! Jeon Jungkook has gone mad😱 i pray for oc's safety

Anonymous said:i am terrified by jungkook's actions and NOTHING in this whole damn world is going to excuse what he is saying and doing in equilibrium. WHERE IS YOONGI DITCH THEM ALL Y/N AND GO FOR YOONGI. and today, i have been going through some really misogynic shit today and it felt so freaking uncomfortable and i was so angry and kind of frightened...i do not know how y/n is able to act like a normal person with jungkook around who is being very possessive and psycho-like

Anonymous said:When I first saw you updated Equilibrium I almost yelled "IMMA BUST MY LEFT NUT" (I was really excited lol) and now I'm lying here in a puddle of emotion really scared for the OC lol. I adore your writing so much, thank you for writing these xx

Anonymous said:JEON YOU CREEP. Man this is all such a disaster BUT I LOVE TO WATCH THE DRAMA UNFOLD. Anyways it was a great chapter and I am so e x c i t e for the next part to start. You da best 😆

Anonymous said:This is what your writing does to people, this is literally the only time I've ever dislike Jungkook that much in a fic. I wanted the OC and Jungkook together, but now I really thing all 3 should go their separate ways. Jungkook's possessiveness is getting too much, it's too obsessive. I feel sorry for her, but at the same time her own fault as well. As for Jimin who knows he may not be as oblivious as we think ?! He is using the OC to get with Jungkook in the first place.

Anonymous said:Equilibrium OC should just pack her fckin' bags there is no happy way out of this one

Anonymous said:(1/3) Right before I read this I watched this British PSA music video about abusive relationships, where a pregnant woman was choked to death by her boyfriend as she was trying to leave him and I feel like these people who romanticize these types of relationships forgot that this actually happens IRL. This happens to real women and men and some of them don't make it out alive. And when they try to defend it by saying "it's just a story, it's not real" it's very real for some people.

Anonymous said:(2/3) And the fact that the OC is having trouble sleeping and feeling this anxiety. And the that Jungkook didn't fell any sympathy/empathy for Jimin while he was ill, it just doesn't sit well with me. And the OC isn't innocent either. So afraid to shatter what's left of the already crumbling illusion she's built up. The need to keep the fantasy of this relationship with Jimin that I'm not sure existed outside of her mind. I really do enjoy this story and how you portray the characters.

Anonymous said:(3/3) The isolated relationships between the three of them is very realistic. I've seen some of my close friends go through similar situations. And it's hard to get out once you're in.Anonymous said:I cant believe anyone in their right mind is sympathizing with Jungkook in Equilibrium?! The way he is with Y/N makes me so uncomfortable, esp with his “You’re all mine” crap and being so “in love” with her when all he wants is to have her under his control even tho he thinks it’s love. Jimin too, the way he’s down to have Y/N in the relationship since JK wants her but she wants Jimin.. also I’m glad ur fanfics exist since they can give some girls a perspective on what’s NOT okay and NOT love

Anonymous said:' And if I find out you let someone else touch what's mine... you'll regret it' - I kept on reading this over and over but each time it makes me cringe more, the fact that he constantly calls her 'mine' is so fucking off, like as a kookier Stan in rl , I felt really bad for jungkook but now I find it so hard, this relationship is taking a big twist that I did not see coming and it's getting abusive real quick.

Anonymous said:(Cont last) I stood firm in my decision. On the last day that we talked, he finally understood why. It was only then he realized his mistakes, only then did he cry & apologize for everything. He tried to convince me to give him a chance but the time for that has already passed. We are officially over. I loved the guy, you know? and deep down, I know there's good in there. But I can't risk my heart and soul anymore. I'm sorry this has gone out of topic, I just needed to get it off my chest.

Anonymous said:(Cont.) When he got mad at me for one minor thing, he will accuse me of cheating and call me demeaning words. Our relationship was always on his terms. I was always the one apologizing & making an effort to make him happy. I paid for all our dates. Just wow, I'm stupid. After a fight early Feb, I got tired of it all. I broke up with him and that process took 7 fucking days in which he tried to convince that my reasoning was wrong and that he was right. My gut feeling was telling me to leave.

Anonymous said:just finished reading ch 11... yikes. like YIKES. oh my, I'm honestly very worried and scared for the oc. reading it actually made me anxious and nervous lol. that relationship is a nightmare oh sweetie no, she needs to leave asap

Anonymous said:(Cont. Part 3) I felt caged. I always had to inform where I was, who I'm with, are there guys going to be at the event I'm going to. If there were guys, he didn't want me to go. I couldn't even get a regular update from him where he was and couldn't check on his phone. As I said, I was being stupid. I tolerated all of his bullshit. When you're in an abusive relationship, you won't realize it immediately. He'll come off sweet and only wanting to protect you and your relationship.

Anonymous said:(Cont. Part 2) to the red flags he showed early in the relationship. He didn't want to me talk to any guy who wasn't a family and asked me to delete all the guys in my Facebook account. Stupid me did so because I believed him when he said that "It's not because I don't trust you, it's because I don't trust the people around you." I stayed loyal to him but he was always paranoid that I was cheating on him. When we broke up, I learned he was talking to lots of girls that's why he was so paranoid.

Anonymous said:I got curious and read Equilibrium. All I can say is whoa! The anxiety and fear that I felt was so visceral; it made me fill ill. I've recently broken up with my ex, who was like that - subtly emotionally and mentally abusive. I am fairly young, naive, and inexperienced in relationships. I had a low self-esteem. Growing up I felt that I was unattractive and no one would like me. He was the first guy to really pursue me and I guess I was so hungry for love and affection that I turned a blind eye

Anonymous said:oc's anxiety is getting worst in equal... 😞 i hope she gets out soon. i agree, SEND IN MAMA JIN! lol kook is getting crazier each chapter i'm getting scared for her well being 😟☹️😦. SHES WORTH MORE THAN THIS CRAZINESS!! 💔 side note, thank you for sticking to it, i know it's not easy. and thank you for updating. i always look forward to your work ❤

withlove-sydney said:Tbh I was worried that this story was gonna take a disturbing turn after jk revealed that he was purposely trying to keep jimin away in chpt 10 and this chapter just confirmed how toxic he is. I agree with that other person tho I'm glad that you're the one writing this because I trust that you won't try to romanticize this at all. My ex was really possessive like jk and its not cute or sexy at all. I ended up so scared of him and when I see similar things in fics it gives me chills...

btsninetyfiveline said:I just want to say thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for the relationship you're portraying in Equilibrium! It's soooooooo important to have stories that show abuse and possessiveness in an unhealthy light! I'm so tired of these "you looked at another guy for 5 seconds in the club so now I'm gonna take you home and show you who you 'belong' to" narratives. It's so important to address and educate young girls on signs of an emotionally manipulative relationship! 💕

Anonymous said:Hi Lu :) how are you? I love how you put out your stories unexpectedly, its always a pleasant surprise. Chapter 11 is so well-written (like all your work ofc).You set up the suffocating atmosphere perfectly with images and metaphors, like Oc's suffer is so real. I am really concerned about oc's mental health... in this chapter we see that she isn't in a good place and I am scared of what is yet to come. Thank you for your hard work. xo

Anonymous said:After reading chap 11, i feel so bad for the oc. Even reading about jk's possessiveness/threats makes me feel suffocated ;-; Though I'm excited for what's going to happen after he leaves for his trip hmm.... once again thank you for the update, Lu! :-) I'm really loving the pace of the story so far.

anonymouspseudonymous said:There's this anon that said "this ain't your ordinary fic where they all compromise and be happy" and i cannot agree more. Although, even if I get it that people hate JK for being cray, you have to punch Jimin as well hahaha idk man this is fucked

Anonymous said:I'm reading ch11 of equilibrium and the part where she wants to touch jimins face but jungkook has a tight grip on her wrist restricting her from doing so is so symbolic of their relationship and how she wants jimin so badly but jungkook is holding her back from him almost keeping her hostage in a way. Anyways I really enjoyed this part it gave me goosebumps so thank you for sharing your work with us even though you don't have to! You owe us nothing so I appreciate everything you give us💓💞💖💕

Anonymous said:I'm glad you don't tolerate the bullshit that jungkook isnt as bad as the protagnonist. People need to hear that that shit is toxic and manipulative. People are brainwashed into thinking it's romantic and okay. When it's absolutely not. No the protagonist isn't free of fault but she isn't being obsessively creepy.

Anonymous said:I think people tend to gloss over the fact that it IS an obsession (unhealthy and actually rather terrifying) and not actual "love" because they like the idea of someone doing anything to stay with them. But even in wanting to stay with someone, there have to be limits. You shouldn't end up losing yourself to someone if they want you as a person, not as just an object or a way to get what they want. There is a line between devotion and obsession, and people seem to ignore that all too often.

#equilibrium #beautiful ppl #jungkookfortunekookies #lu answers

[sweatblvvdtears]

Soft block everybody . I'll open them later on 💧i stopped right in the middle when I see NSFW 😭 I need to stop on being so ... What it ish called.. Sensitive . Meh , I'll open them later on . Chen-Chi-Tive . *rolls to my room with bear* *walks with bear inside hands* Chen-chen-chi-tive . 🎵 *closes door and naps* ... Sitting inside this "cage" hash made me to be sho weird e.o I hadn't been released for ... Mmm for 2 months straight 🙃 Can't go out but since I have bed so I will nap . This house has became my world since then ... 💔 All I see is cage and bar and wall and our items inside house . Shad . 😢😧 I can't even search for any jobs anymore or have fun . No friends around here that lives around here in real life . 💔 If I want to go out , means I had to suffer a bit more . And quarelling with him like before . We used to fight and it hurts me more for few days after that . He never understood when I said , "You caged me up . I'm tired and hurting . I'm ripping apart." I want to go out .

Till when they wanted to kept me all around . (?) Till 40 ? Till he die ? Man ... I will suffer a lot more for the next few years than this . This breaking my heart .. It's like my wings is being clipped , both of mine or simply been plucked each of my feathers till bleeding . No freedom .. I noticed that the more longer I sitting inside this cage , hell hole , the more angrier, darker and toxic also sadder I became . I noticed too that I'm no longer smiling or laugh as much as I wanted . I also noticed that , my dark circles under my eyes and paleness getting more horrible each years or simply by months . Like , I'm dead inside and tired . I'm not dead , it just I'm sad and pretty damaged and hurting . I cried always . It changed my mood and feelings . I wished I can be better than this . 💔 I've been suffering from Depression since I was 14 . This is getting more worsening .

I can make myself feel better but to naturally feeling it or simply gaining it , means I had to work towards it 3 times more harder than usual / normal people did . Because I have disorders . I can't naturally feel okay or suddenly happy just like that without any reasons like everyone does . I had to be feed by it , swallow it or by force in gentle way . Trust me when I said , "my negative / dark vibes percents is more higher than yours ." Because I am , I have it . I can still be kind and caring but I will be the cold dark type that seemingly to just coming back from war everyday itself but will still wanting to look up to you and pat your head while walking past you even in the most dark minded even if I have cuts and bloods on my hands or body or simply bruising . I won't say anything but rather to just keep myself quiet and just walk towards my room with those injuries or wounds . Minding my own business in highest levels but still be willing to cheer people that I loved / closed to whenever I can . Still the same but just more caring . Sorry if I tend to do it in cold way . I do appreciate people in silent btw . ♥️ You just never will see it or hear it from me . I will tell if you ask or whenever I wanted to .

#p #.txt #tw #irl #about #thought

[asia-lily]

Silk Gloves

If I had to love you from afar, you can do the same. If I had to convince myself not to kill myself because of the feeling you gave me when you ripped my heart out and stomped on it with your worn out nike’s, you surely can do the same considering all I ever did was hold your heart with silk gloves. I almost dropped out of school because of you. I hated some of my favorite songs because of you. I still can’t get you out of my head when they play. I also can’t drink root beer without thinking of you. I can't eat coffee ice cream without thinking of you. I can’t eat buffalo wings without thinking of you. I can’t watch certain movies without thinking about you. So many of my favorite things, tainted with you. I hated interacting with new people (even more than I already shied away from) because of you. I hated the thought of someone else touching me, even if it was an accidental graze of an arm, because of you. I hated the idea of someone else trying to love me because of you. I hated the fact that my heart was ever beating, because of you. I hated breathing because of you. I hated waking up because of you. Yet, I never thought once “I hate him.” I’m not even sure I ever have or even do now. I have every reason to. Waking up so heavy with anxiety that if I moved a finger, I’d throw up. My stomach in a constant knot. Family I lived with always texting my parents in concern for me never leaving my room except for work or school. And even then, I’d call out of work because I was “sick.” I missed so much school from not being able to literally function anymore that I had to go to school for 8-10 hours a day, every single day, for an extra 30 days after I already had graduated to make up for it. The amount of times I had to run out of class/the building sobbing because a song that I associated with you would play throughout the school or you just crossed my mind, is embarrassing. I wish I was kidding when I say I used to be in the middle of doing a clients hair and have tears in my eyes. Every time I had break, I was crying. On the occasion I’d get out of bed and make it to school, I’d cry in the parking lot then wipe my tears and go in. That parking lot saw more of my tears about you than it saw Florida rain. You completely turned my life into a fucking nightmare. Yet I was convinced it was just the wrong timing. That we were from the same star. And it didn’t stop after that year. We’re on what? Year three since you cheated on me every time I left your house? And I still think about you every single day. It’s completely rewired my brain. I don’t think of you longingly anymore. It’s mostly just me wondering if you’re thinking of me. Is that my ego craving attention for dramatic thrill in my life? Or does the universe want me to never forget you. If so, is that a good never forget you or a bad never forget you? Regardless, I’m with someone who loves me. I’m with someone who has worked so hard to not only be with me but also work so hard for our future. I’m with someone who has moved to a completely new state that he never though he’d live in and get two completely new jobs that he never thought he’d work just so he can be with me and let me follow my dreams. I’m with a man. You weren't a man. More so a walking match that was so intriguing, ready to light me on fire anytime you crossed my mind. I wrote an entire book of poetry and messages to you for 2 and a half years straight. Every single time you crossed my mind, for 2 and a half years straight, I’d write it down. Do you know how much that is? This is my first time writing “to you” since April but before April it was probably like a year or close to it. I lost my best friend. I lost the love of my life. I lost myself. I lost my life. Not physically of course, but holy shit was it close.

 I almost killed myself junior year. Pill bottle in hand standing in my best friend’s kitchen sobbing while she slept peacefully in the room over. Then I told myself I couldn't do that. I was too young. I didn’t want her family to wake up to my dead body on their kitchen floor. Then I our shit happened a year or so later. And when I thought I hit rock bottom junior year, I was so wrong. You brought me to the pits of hell. Every waking second was like a fucking nightmare. And you want to know why I never got close to killing myself (even though I was so dead inside that the thought of doing it seemed normal to me, it wasn't scary anymore)? It’s because I’d think to myself “well if I die, I won't be able to see all the great things he’ll do.” Even when I was absolutely dragging my lifeless, complete skeleton of body I kept going because I thought we’d be forever one day. Because that’s what you said. You told me “I love you now, and forever. I’m serious.” 

My dad hit me 20 minutes after I had come home from moving back from Florida. I don’t remember what fully happened but you were texting me and were being so rude and made me have a full blown panic attack in front of my dad’s girlfriend and I sat on my bed screaming that I wanted to kill myself. Then my dad hit me. And I haven't been able to stay at his house in 2 years because of that. You hurt me sure, but you completely destroyed my life. You completely knocked the domino down that led to the lowest point in my life. And it didn't stop after that. 

 I went to new york and the first 6 months were great. I spent new years at your house with you and your (ex) girlfriend (which btw do any of your past girls after me know you’ve cheated on them all with me? I won’t ever say it. It’s in the past. They never knew. I was nothing but your fucking slut when you were bored, with the words “I love you” plastered across my brain to keep me there when you needed me. I don’t have any regrets, but I know damn well I’ll never be that bitch again. I wasn’t even that bitch when everyone back home thought I was. Well I guess lucky them, I eventually was that bitch for two years.) And all you guys did was fight. I hung out with her in the living room and watched the ball drop and drank wine while you pouted in your room. She had no fucking idea that not only was she pretending to be happy, so was I. Jesus christ. Then the first 6 months of 2019 were so shitty. I started skipping school a lot again. I never did my laundry and it over took me and my roommates room and it was so bad she just started sleeping in her boyfriends room. I felt so bad. I begged the universe she would understand that I was trying my best to function despite the depression. I had gone 2 years by then, not ever giving anyone a chance to even flirt with me. My stomach turned at the slightest hint of attraction/interest/affection. I decided to try to hoe around to get over you. I ended up getting played by a straight girl, one of your old close best friends, and just completely hating sex with this other guy. I think I just was desperate when I went to his room. It was terrible. I even got Tinder but I swiped left on almost everybody and when people would talk to me, I hated the conversations. I deleted it after 4 days. I was so emotionally unavailable. I was so numb at that point. But you know what? I stopped trying. I just let life happen. Then I went home for the summer and met this guy at work. A year and 3 days ago to be exact. And we instantly clicked. It was that feeling again. That feeling of gold and warmth but different and promising. And our one year is in 15 days. And then we’re moving in together 2 days later. You still cross my mind. But it’s always for a split second and it’s never me longing. I’m in love. 

And now you won’t stop hitting me up. You won’t stop telling me you miss me. You won’t stop telling me you wish you could go back and never leave me and how you’ve been doing drugs and you’re so depressed. This is our first time in the past 7 years not being two peas in pod. I was there through every girlfriend. I was there through every new life adventure. But then you act like I’ve completely broken your heart for finally getting love back into my life. REAL love. Love that grows and builds each other. Love. Not two best friends who are both broken and stuck together with toxic infatuation. The fact that I had to go through all of that shit I mentioned (which may I add, you literally told me you knew I was struggling back then and wanted to make me happy, then completely dragged me to the lowest trenches of the ocean with cinderblocks tied to my ankles) yet you’re getting that upset at the fact that I’m no longer giving you the attention you crave from me? Absurd. It was fun. I miss us being best friends. But I’ll never miss the feeling of drowning every second of every single day for years on end.

 If I had to love you from afar, you can do the same. I wore nothing but silk gloves. 

#If you know me in real life please let me have this space to be openly private I'm begging