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goldenempyrean · 2 years

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reader and sick!scarlett go ice skating. reader is worried because scarlett just recovered from a nasty cold and doesn’t want her girlfriend to overdo it. scarlett insists she is fine though, it’ll be fun and she feels a lot better. however the cold atmosphere triggers a high fever on scarlett. and as you can imagine, dizzyness and ice skating don’t go very well together

Burning On Ice

Hi!! Hopefully everyones having a great day, I got another fic done :) Dont ask about the title, I wrote it last night and I cant think of another one to change it too 🥲

Summary: You’d taken your wife out to iceskate, unknowingly bringing on a rather high fever in her.

Wordcount: 1316

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“Come on, take my hand.” You couldn’t contain your giggle of excitement as you stepped out onto the slippery ice, the cold air nipping at your nose and ears.

“Don’t fall on me.” Scarlett laughed cheekily as she carefully stepped out onto the rink, letting go of her grip on the side of the arena, though she sounded cheerful, you were still able to pick up on the raspy edge her voice had too it.

She’d gotten sick a little over 10 days ago and it had really swept her off her feet, so much so that she’d spent almost 3 whole days in bed, unable to walk without her knees giving out and the rooming spinning around her. Luckily she’d been finally getting back to her usual happy self in the last few days, so you’d both taken the opportunity to head down to seasonal ice-rink your city put up every winter.

Despite the fact the rink was only temporary, it was still pretty big. Big air conditions blew chilly air throughout the arena, causing your extremities to take on a red tinge. Though Scarlett had assured you that she was feeling better, you couldn’t help but insist she wear a thick pair of gloves and a wooly-bobbled hat. The bobble on the end of the hat wasn’t at all necessary but it made her look even more adorable so you couldn’t resist.

You were surprised as how well you are Scarlett were able to skate while holding hands, reaching a reasonable speed as you glided around in a clockwise circle , carefully navigating between other couples and civilians, occasionally dodging the stray child who’d zip wildly infront you of without a second thought of hesitation.

Your pace slowed down roughly 20 minutes later as your burst of excitement slowly wore down, you still had plenty of energy but had taken everything down to a more gentle pace. Now that you were able to focus less on the ice, you looked over to Scarlett, her face bearing her same bright smile. Only across her cheeks sat a very obvious red flush, one which you’d overlooked and had put down to the cold air in the arena. Oh how wrong you were.

There wasn’t an exact time when it started but Scarlett had bumped into you numerous times as she lost her balance, each time you’d ask if she was okay or if she needed to take a break to grab some water but every time she’d flash you a brief wide smile, telling you not to worry

“Oh no, I’m fine!” She’d say reassuringly, “Just lost my balance for a second there.”

If only you’d been more insistent. Time passed as yourself and Scarlett chatted, still skating round the rink. Somehow as you continued skating, one of Scarlett’s gloves came loose and you both stopped at the side of the rink as she tried to pull it on. She was struggling to pull it onto her hand with the other glove still being worn so you offered to help, taking the glove and reaching out to hold her hand. It was as you took her hand, your stomach dropped with worry. It was hot, her skin was hot. It didn’t carry the warmness that would be expected from being kept under a soft glove, no, this was much too warm.

You felt your mind fill with worry, looking up to meet her eyes, another realisation hit you. The flush of cheeks, you moved fast and raised your spare hand to cup her cheek, the heat radiated from it like a furnace. Shit.

Scarlett made a noise of confusion, looking up at her eyes, the glassiness behind them was clear from this distance and you berated yourself for not noticing sooner.

“Jesus Scarlett, you’re really burning up. Why didn’t you say anything?” You asked, your concern seeping into your words.

She mumbled a reply. Another clear sign that she had a pretty high fever raging through her body, “Its not that bad, I feel more cold if anything.” She repeated, and if to also emphasise her words, you felt her hand give a light shake as a shiver ran through her body.

“We’re getting you off the ice.” You said, your voice taking on a ‘no-nonsense’ tone and Scarlett knew better then to argue with you on this.

You took her warm hand in your own, stuffing her glove into your pocket as you came away from the safety of the side, guiding her towards the door of the rink, it was only afew yards ahead of you now.

You barely had time to react when a guy rapidly sped by on your right, the side where Scarlett had been. It had taken her by surprise and she’d lost her balance, the skates hitting the ice with firm clinks as she tried desperately to stay upright. In your attempt you steady her, you’d lost your own footing, landing firmly on the hard surface, your elbow taking the force of the fall. You gave a sharp inhale as the pain ran through your nerves, that was definitely going to leave a sizeable bruise.

You’d heard Scarlett call your name in surprise as you’d hit the ice, “Im so sorry! Are you okay?” She asked worriedly as she held out her slightly shaking hand to you.

Not wanting to do anything to cause her to loose her balance again you nodded and managed to push yourself up off the ice without her help, not that you didn’t appreciate the offer of course, “Its not your fault sweetie. Im fine, just a little bump that’s all.” You took her by the waist as you slowly skated the last few feet before reaching the door, letting Scarlett step off first.

Leaving the ice, you noticed the tension which had settled in her shoulders, “Hey,” You took her hand, taking the other glove off of her hand, “Everything’s okay. Im fine, you’re gonna be okay, we’ll get you some medicine for this temperature when we get home, yeah?”

She sighed and buried her head into her neck, “Its not okay, you got hurt because I lost my balance,” She stifled a sob as her voice cracked, “And today was going perfectly, and- and-“ She broke off as she collected herself, “And everything is just spinning.” She finally stammered.

You kissed her head and ran your hands down her back comfortingly, “Its only a bump sweetie and it was that assholes fault for coming so close to us at that speed. It could’ve been either of us that fell and Im really not hurt,” You whispered as she took deep breaths, “I know you must be pretty dizzy right now, we’re gonna get you home as soon as possible okay? I don’t think your body was ready for just how cold it is in here.”

Scarlett sighed and nodded as she composed herself, “Can we just return these skates and go back home? Skating’s been fun and all but I wanna go home, lay down and cuddle.” She whined cutely, showing a peak of the side which only showed when she was running a fever.

“We can do that baby. We’ll get you home, maybe take a cool shower,” You saw her face frown slightly at the mention of more cold temperatures, you brought your hand back to her cheek as your gently rubbed her temple the way you knew she liked, “It’ll make you feel better baby, then we can cuddle till your heart’s content.”

She smiled at you and you returned the gesture as she sat down on one of the numerous rows of benches and you came to sit down beside her, pressing a soft kiss to her fever flushed cheek, “Lets get these skates off and get you home, yeah?”

Scarlett nodded as she kissed you back, “Yeah.”

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fandom-fandom-fandom-17 · 11 months

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Day 4 spirit, I got really sick so this one is shorter than the others. No beta. So much angst.

When Viggo was a young Dragon hunter his help was called upon by a town in need. They said that they were scared of a dragon that constantly loomed over them. They offered a hefty reward to whoever slayed it. The problem was that the dragon gigantic compared to most even by Titan wing dragon standards. Young and ambitious Viggo took a crew and the challenge.

The towns people of old had somehow had a deal with a dragon. The deal had lasted generations but as the years went on the people had began to fear the dragon despite no harm ever coming to them. Until one day there was only one woman who still knew of the deal. With the woman's mind going the towns people no longer trusted her, so they enlisted Viggo Grimborn for help.

Viggo took the killing blow with the old crone clinging to legs.

"Get off me!" He shouted without a hit of sympathy "I'm saving your village you old fool"

The old woman ran to the dragon as fast as she could. The beast was bleeding out on the ground and Viggo couldn't understand why she was sobbing.

"Viggo Grimborn this dragon has saved my life more you could possible imagine"

"Save you?" Viggo roared " I saved you! I saved this entire island!"

"Without that dragon we are dead in a month! that dragon was the only thing keeping us safe."

"Oh yeah?"Viggo sneered "From what other dragons?"

"That dragon protected from the wrath of mother nature. Viggo Grimborn I promise you this with my dying breath. The person you will love most shall be like me. A lover of dragons through and through. They shall warp your dreams until you undo everything you have done. Your past misdeeds will haunt you" She shook with anger."

"Are you that old that your dying right now?" Viggo scoffed

"Mark my words this island is finished" Viggo didn't believe her but the determination in her eyes planted a seed of doubt.

Viggo checked in on the island to prove her wrong but in less than a month the island had flooded so badly you could barely even tell there was once a town. Viggo had been 20 at the time engaged to a woman he barley knew. The engagement lasted less then 3 months. Viggo had several relationships and each time he scoffed at the old hags words.

Then he found out about the dragons riders. There was fighting, there was peace, there were losses, there were victories, there was hate, and there was love. Until a heartbeat no longer stood by his. Only then did Viggo truly revere the old woman's words.

He felt eyes on him constantly. The crew had began to notice, his brother definitely noticed.

"Really brother? one measly dragon rider that we've been trying to kill for months dies and you suddenly go insane"

"Hello to you too brother and if you have nothing else to say you can leave." Viggos voice was firm but the bags under his eye said differently. "

"Oh I've got something to say. If you cant get it together by the end of next month I'm taking over everything and I mean everything" Riker straightened his back to look more intimidating which never worked on Viggo and slammed the door. Riker would soon regret his words because by the end of next week he too could see what haunted Viggo. Dragons. Hundreds of dead dragons. Most had open wounds Viggo recognized some that went as far back as his childhood. The crew could see them too now some through themselves over board in an attempt to stop the madness. It never worked. Then he started to show up.

One good night's sleep is all Viggo asks for. One night, he knows he doesn't deserve not after what he did. A kiss is placed on his temple. Before me is my dear Hiccup. Bathed beautifully in the moonlight. I slipped my fingers under his tunic laying him gently onto the bed. Hiccup gave him a gentle kiss. He Viggo a gentle smile but then it turned into somthing malicous. His eyes turned blood shot and he screamed 'MURDER' over and over again till Viggo woke up in a cold sweat.

"Another dream with me in your arms?" the green eyed boy spoke

"Hiccup please.... I didn't -I-"

"-But you did. You know what you need to do" Hiccup leaned forward to There was a knock on his door and Hiccup vanished"Boss hes here again"

Viggo groaned "I know" Viggo got out of bed heading up deck if to do nothing but put the crews fears to rest. There in the moonlight was Hiccup Haddock. When his ghost first showed he was true to form. Passionate and kind with death glares at the dragons we caught. Which were few and far between with all the ghosts flowing us to warn them. A blessing disguised as a curse, but then he turned cold he never spoke a word to anyone but Viggo which were always cruel. Men began to leave left and right just wanting to get off the ship. There were only about 10 men left with nary a dragon in sight.

Viggo did know what to do to make it stop. It was the first thing ghost Hiccup had said which had given the crew hope when Riker had told them. Viggo wished he hadn't. For what he had asked was near impossible.

"Free them. Free every dragon whose path you ever cross until you find one that can free your soul. Destroy the dragon hunters if you must. That is your penance. Find a dragon that can free your soul even if you have to look forever. I'm so sorry Viggo I wish I could help. "

The only other clue Viggo had gotten was when Hiccup said the freeing of the soul was similar to that of him and toothless. That was the last hint he got before nothing but violence fell from Hiccups lips. That was Viggos last hope.

As the days continued even his brother abandoned him, so Viggo did as his past lover had. He took to the skies with Toothless and Hiccups ghost flying behind him. Some say you can still hear them an army of Dragons howling in the night.

I changed ideas like 5 times. From Hiccup still begin alive to the whole old lady thing not even existing. 1072 words

#viggo/hiccup #vigcupweek2023 #ghost trick #witchcraft #death #angst

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thotsforvillainrights · 10 months

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congrats on the pregnancy!!! 🥳💕 any ideas for baby names yet?

also, if your title is right and requests are open, could i request some protective redestro headcanons or a scenario/imagine? like his s/o or a teammate/other family member gets hurt during a mass fight or threatened by another group? (bonus if he gets all monstrous)

thats the good shit i cant stop thinking about 😩

(Thank you! Unfortunately 10 million names for a girl and about 5 for a boy. Luckily my husband has stepped in with his list so we can do a formal comparison eventually!)

(And thank you for the Des content request since he's been on my mind heavy lately!)

~A Different Person~

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up

"A different person" is the right way to describe the situation at hand. The man standing in front of you was not the man you thought he was...

It probably started about a month ago when you overheard his conversation on the phone with a rising rival group trying to usurp the Liberation army and bring a bad name to Destro's legacy. Of course you weren't worried about it. The stronghold of the MLA could withstand any little group. Trumpet's magnificent hold on the people of Deika, Chitose's bold ability to clear the path in front of her, Geten's sheer determination and will power, Skeptic's advanced technology and his calculated use of meta ability...no one would could come close to shaking them up. So you shrugged and went about your day as though nothing was wrong. However, as the days went on, you grew more and more concerned with the air around you. It always felt as through you were being followed and this time not by Skeptic's usual surveillance. No, there was something more sinister at play.

After weeks of feeling odd, the day you finally went to announce your concerns was the exact day this rival group decided to strike. While Everyone was else was busy making quick work of the members around them, you were unfortunately on your own. Although it only lasted long enough for you to get a small gash on your arm, it was still the most uncomfortable 5 minutes of your life. The minute the other group attacked, Rikiya had set out to find you on his own. Much to the other's dismay of him leaving Detnerat himself, he ventured out and didn't take long to find you.

Oh but we he found you and saw that gash, it was probably the first time you'd ever seen this man angry in all of the time you've spent together. Even more so, this was the first time you'd seen his meta ability in action and also the first time you'd seen blood on his hands as well. And it was that very same blood stained hand that lowered itself in front of you. You hesitate for a moment before stepping onto the palm and grabbing hold of his thumb. You didn't let go of the large appendage until he made it back to Detnerat. He carefully lowered his hand and waited for you step off before shrinking back down to size. It seemed impossible to make eye contact with you in the moment. It truly shocked him when you pulled him into a tight hug before uttering a shaky 'What the fuck?'

Out came a long winded explanation and solid apologies strung out for nearly 20 minutes it would feel like. "I hid myself from you because I'm well aware a meta ability like this isn't exactly the most desirable in a partner." You sighed and shook your head. "So you mean to tell me that you spent all this time hiding yourself from me because you were scared of running me away?" He stares flatly before raising his hand up and showing it to you you again. "Is this not something that terrifies you?" He asks, gesturing at the blood covered palm. "This meta ability has killed..."

"And it's that same meta ability that has protected me today and who knows how many other times without me even knowing! It's not like I'll cower away from you now, silly. I've fallen in too deep at this point and besides." You smile and close the space between you two as you pull him into another hug. "It's no more scarier than Tomoyasu's puppet ability. Scared the crap out of me 2 weeks ago when he turned one of the filing cabinets without me knowing." Rikiya chuckled lightly and reciprocated the hug. "Let's get you to a hospital. I'm absolutely unhappy with the size of that gash right now." His voice muffled in your hair. You laugh quietly.

"Can you turn really huge again? I kind of like riding in your hand. It's like a carnival without ticket costs."

"Hmmm, perhaps another time. Hopefully for now..." He pauses and lifts you into his arms. "maybe this will suffice?"

You smile and nod.

#bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #meta liberation army #mla #rikiya yotsubashi #redestro #is this okay?#scenario

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hoes4dylanobrien · 2 years

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You got me thinking....Colin..affectionate..fluff...home..woman in her 20s..? I CANT EVEN IMAGINE SOFT!COLIN HELP

a/n: gosh dangitttt I can't either but lemme throw something together real quick. also #not me moving this ask to the top of the list. Also also this is longer than it should be but for fluff reasons

You were staying home from work because your boyfriend, Colin, wasn't feeling well. Normally, you'd assume he was exaggerating since he was prone to not exactly being honest, but he sounded hoarser than you'd ever heard (only comparison point being from partying all night at a club) and honestly looked a right mess. He was so pitiful trying to make his breakfast that you eventually took over and made it for him, unable to watch him barely able to keep his head up.

His arms reached out to you from the sofa as you entered the living room area. He was all bundled up in a blanket on top of an already pretty thick hoodie. It was one of his favorites, the one with splashes of bright colors. "What do you need?" You asked patiently.

"Cocoa," he said, coughing towards the tail end of the word. "Colin, it's like...85 degrees out," you checked your phone, slipping it back in your jean's pocket.

"So? I'm c-cold," he replied, teeth chattering. "Jesus, what do you have the temperature on? My balls about to fall off."

You rolled your eyes. "It's at 69, what it's always at."

"Hah," he barked out a hoarse laugh. "69. That's what she said." His laugher didn't last long as he sneezed twice in succession. You snickered to yourself.

"You're laughing at my pain." He frowned, child-like.

"No, babe, I'm laughing with you," you answered slowly, totally unable to keep a straight face. He gave you the middle finger. You did however go to get him a hot chocolate. He liked the fancy shit but you were not spending an hour making it so you got him Swiss miss. He wouldn’t realize the difference. Returning to the room and handing it off, you expected him to ignore you for the rest of the day but he shocked you by patting the seat next to him. "Sit with me," he said, "and while you're up grab the remote, will you?" You gave him the apple device, a slick remote that he insisted on buying that you still had trouble using to this day. In your view it was unnecessarily minimalist, but he was all about the trendiest thing and that extended to tech.

"What do you want to watch?" He asked. You were shocked. He never let you pick what to watch. "Me?"

"Yeah, you. Don't see anyone else in this room."

"It's just...you never let me pick."

He shrugged, glancing back to the TV. "Yeah, well I'm letting you now. So choose somethin', 'fore I change my mind." You settled on an old Disney movie on Disney+. You loved the nostalgia of it all, and try as Colin might in pretending he wasn’t enjoying himself, you knew he was. His eyes never left the television screen while his phone lay face down out of arms reach.

He sipped at the warm drink, holding it carefully in his long, slender hands. “Come ‘ere,” he said after a beat, pulling you into his arms so that you were cuddled on the loveseat. By extension that meant the thick blanket was also covering your lap, but you’d suffer overheating if it meant being close to him. He was never so touchy when he wasn’t expecting sex. It occurred to you he might still try; he had the drive of a rabbit.

“I’m not sleeping with you tonight, Col,” you warned. “I know,” he replied, leaning his head against your neck and turning so that his back was against yours. “Can’t a guy get some love without wanting to stick his dick in you?” He accused, looking unjustifiably offended. You chuckled, shaking your head. “Sure, baby,” you ran a hand through his patchy blond hair, starting to fade back to its original dark brown.

“Shit that feels so good,” he groaned, relaxing more against you. You kissed the side of his head, despite the slight perspiration accumulating at his forehead. “Thanks for taking care of me.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

“I love you, you know that?” He said.

You smiled. “I love you too, Colin.”

#colin #notokay #fluff #dylan o'brien #dylan o'brien fanfiction #sick #requested #drabble #anon

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thebigfudanshi · 9 months

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I feel like every time something good happens in my life, something bad just always has to happen. I just have to learn ONE more bad thing about life I didn't want to know. Somebody's not who I think they are, my parents act all normal and then stuff just devolves, a say something completely stupid to my friend, there's something wrong with my dog,

I have classes to catch up on, I need to get a goddamn permit, I'm assualted with disgusting images from my brain I DONT WANT TO SEE, I only have one friend, my life is so monotonous I wanna cry. I'm so lonely the only being I've touched in the last year's have been hugging and petting my dog and one brief placement of a hand over mine from my friend that made my heart soar. But shit always goes wrong. I've learned some really horrible shit about a side of my family I never wanted to hear. My family is founded on trauma, both of my parents were abused, in turn I was abused emotionally and neglected, and I'm only just now figuring out who I am and it's fucking scaring me because it shouldn't be like this and everything I know feels fake and my mind is a void that's only running off of thoughts of Dook larue and I don't know how much longer I'm gonna last on this and everything I know is falling apart around me and building up at the same time and I haven't even started my life I'm a fucking 20 year old living in my parents house and nobody seems to realize just how fucking TERRIBLE I'm doing and everything gets brushed away and I STILL can't talk in my house, or I can, but. God my mom told me some terrible shit. None of my relatives are good, hell, not even my dad is who I thought he was, and somebody else I've found out isn't whoi thought they were, and I'm sitting here trying to process .y life because the only way I'll ever remember anything is if I post it online but what's gonna happen if someone finds this and I cant even tell them how I feel, and

My mom offered to let me start counseling through her girlfriends work like her girlfriend is and I'm really really really wanting to take that offer I already told her yes. I need to see a therapist now now now now now

My world is falling apart around me and my default is to curl up and pump my brain full of dook larue I can't do this but I can make any friends because I'm too fucked up my brain is only sexual I'm so scared all the time I can't figure out who I am and I really need someone to hold me and cup my face and tell me it's gonna be alright and they're gonna make my bad thoughts go away cause they're gonna sit with me all day and help me piece myself together because I really can't do this on my own anymore I just can't I can't deal with anything like a normal person and I know too much bad shit about the world that keeps haunting my brain and it hurts so much because I would NEVER ever do it and I know it with all my heart but my brain keeps putting horrible images in my head and I can't do it anymore 8m not gonna kill myself because that's pussy shit but I rreally really really need help I can't do this by myself 8m hurting and I need help I'm admiting it I can't do this. Everyday is the fucking same but I never want to leave the house but Phoebe need to go on walks and socialize and I even did that today but then everything went to shit because I found out something I could've gone without again qnd I dont know how to keep being a person. I've never been a person. Just a shell. Cram me up full of traits I'm stealing off of people. Do I only know how to write because my brain has nothing to do but imagine? I really need therapy and I really need to tell my mom because she's still my guardian because the past year has been a dissociative HELL SPIRAL and I can't even look forward to the thing I was looking forward to because everything went bad all of a sudden like it always does.

Ducky out. I just need... Something. I don't know. I don't have anyone and honestly I'm kinda seeing why. I can't do this anymore man. It's so hard all the time. I don't k ow what to do because I refuse to kill myself and I really do want to live, but everything is so upsetting all the time, I can't see any good in the world coming into my future. I can't see my future. I'm completely stuck where I am. If I never have any... Well I have my best friend and my mutual on here but... I can't fill my life long loneliness like this. I really really need help and I can't get it. I can't even talk to my mom because I'm so scared she's not gonna listen to me again because I told her I was dissociating all year and she doesn't seem to HEAR me. I can't do this guy's I'm so lost. My house is building itself back up back I'm falling into the same old house it used to be and worse. I can't. I just can't. I don't k ow what to do because nobody's ever listened to me in my life but my brother and he can't help me with this. I'm so scared to ask my mom. I can't do anything right. I don't know how long I'm gonna have to type before I forget everything that happened today but it's working so that's good. Maybe I'll just tell my best friend I'm in love with him and stop being so scared I'll fall out of love. I already know he used to like me. Were great friends! I would fucking ruing him so bad and I can't do that to him I can't he's too important to me. I can't keep running in circles like this in a stupid nymphomaniac loop but this is the only thing I can control, right? Because I can't even eat right. I'm under weight. I'm not even 100 pounds, I'm fucking 90 something pounds because nothing in my house looks good unless I'm high and that's a whole different story of addiction. Truth is, I'm so scared of everything, the world, myself, everything. The only saving grace I have is my brother. The only person who's ever known ME.

It's not enough, it'll never be. My brother is my brother. I need someone I can LOVE. To hold, to kiss, to give them all of me to distract me from every terrible fucking thing in the world. Someone who won't misgender me, someone clean, someone just, who is clean. Someone who gets me. Someone who can understand everything. I can't keep running in circles but how am I supposed to break free when im spiraling so fast? There's only three people keeping me sane and it's my brother l, my best friend, and my mutual. You guys keep me going. I don't know what to do anymore.

But truely, as I'm calming down from my feral panic. I don't know what to do. I need help. But I don't know what to do. I need help with that. What do I do? What am I supposed to tell my mom? "My mental health has spiraled so rapidly I'm falling apart at the seams."?

Well she's gonna blame it on herself so I'm gonna be upset and she's gonna be upset and I won't know what to do. She's gonna get home from work and be upset already and every time I try to think of talking to her I start crying. I am now. I feel so fucking helpless I don't know what to do please help me anyone I don't understand anything anymore my life was supposed to be all okay when my parents got divorced and it just got so muchfuckingworse.

#another trauma rant.#i cant do anyth8ng rigjt man i dunno what im doing anymore

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espressogal · 2 years

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spent so much money on skin care and makeup and im going so crazy over not being as active last year but idk if im burnt out but im just not losing weight the way i used to and idc as much but i do but also im in my last two weeks of undergrad what the fuckity fuck and i wanna do well and im resigniing from all my jobs and i need to find a job but no ones getting back to me and its so exhausting and im so tired and so done and its so hard to make friends but i dont even want that many friends but i feeel like i neeed friends bc im 22 and time is running out i mean i know its not but it feels like it bc i guess im comparing myself to everyone and i dont have it figured out idek who i am how am i supposed to know what to do with life if feel the weight of the entire world on me my 20s was supposed to be fun and figuring myself out but why does it feel like hell why does just enjoying my time feel like torture maybe its bc im so focused on the idea of enjoying my time im not realizing that the times im supposed to enjoy my time im worrying about enjoying my time so im wasting my enjoyed time on stressing and its making me feel like im wastiig my time and why do i feel like this im only 22 but also how am i 22 i was only 18 yesterday and 16 the day before when did this all happen why am i closer to 30 than 13 why are my friends talking about getting engaged why is everyone moving out why cant i move out without the gut wrenching feeling of leaving my family behind i was supposed to get close to them by now but im now i have independence but i dont i wanna leave this city but ill leave a part of me behind like an unfinished chapter that i forcefully ended i need to finish this chapter and make amends with the past and unlearn my trauma responses and forgive myself but how am i supposed to do all that and also become the girl of my dreams and who even is the girl of my dreams she changes after meeting every new person that enters her life or when shes infatuated by a new character or influencer who makes their life seem like a fairytale but anyway theyre all bullshit anyway social media is fucking fake everyone wants to seem perfect and put together and happy and for what?? whatver man whatever makes you cope i mean if i looked perfect and was rich i guess id do it too and it would be nice to get paid for being fake perfect but who wants to be fake perfect anyway i cant imagine living my life and making money based on how other people perceive me i cant imagine what that would do to ones self esteem oh wait i already do that except i dont get paid huh funny isnt it anyway i have a headache and im so so so sleepy these days like my system is running on cbd maybe i shouldnt have bought a pack of 50 edibles but my antidepressants arent doing jack shit but making me feel horrible so its weed or its anxiety man i wish therapy was free where am i gunna go whwen i graduate i need a psychiatrist but theyre held up until next year i need it so just stop man oh wait i just got an email my sephora order is shipped im happy now

#diary entry #jthoughts

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thewickerking · 2 years

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i think its a bit silly (awful. its awful) that as i stsrt focusing on planning to connect with family (my salvadoran family as well as my dads family on the other side of the country) the family i actually have access to falls apart. there used to be seven people in my house and now there are four. none of those three are better off they are mostly worse and im terrified that none of these three children are going to be able to avoid living horrible lives. i don't think theres a future where my brother lives past 20 something and also doesnt go to jail. i genuinely cant see anything that stops either of those things from happening and its horrible. my aunt is testifying against my mother in court and my grandmother learned people were going to take my cousins away from my mother and she ran without a word and wont stop calling my mother to whine about how hard she has it. My mom isnt answering her calls. my moms bfs family has been shittalking behind our backs and something. really fucking shitty they did has come to light (will not elaborate) im just. exhausted. i want to connect with family and with my cousins living with us that was happening and fuck. fuck. just. they were loved. so so much here and they can never come back and it doesnt matter whats fair or right or just and fuck. my dog is scared of fireworks and she stayed in the room my cousins were in because she loved spending time with them. my sisters favorite word is the name of one of my cousins and they dont get it. they dont get that theyre never coming back. fuck. it feels like theres no light at the end of the tunnel. i cant even imagine recovery from what happened this weekend and i wasnt around for any of it until today. normally i can imagine myself a month after something bad happens and know itll get better but i do think it only gets worse from here. obviously it will get better for me personally im going to college and im excited but i genuinely cant think of anything in the world that would break my mother more thwn whats happened. i literally think my brother dying would've been easier to handle than this. and i doooont want to specify too much bc personal details and like. one of the worst things thats ever happening to my family rn and no one knows what to do other than what weve done already which is a short term solution to a very long term problem. i cant do anything and i cant even be reassured someone else is doing something i cant because no one knows what to do and my mom hasnt even told everyone yet. we had aquarium tickets. wild waves tickets. they were signed up for summer camps. we were doing everything and now theyre with strangers and are probably going to slowly enter a downward spiral of life repeating the cycle of my shitty fucking family and any attempts on our end to rescue them from that were fruitless. fuck. at least we vaccinated them. thats literally all i can say. anyways im going to bed ive been crying all day and i have work tomorrow

#sorryyyy for the long vent posts i literally havent done anything but work and cry today (sometimes both!)#.ares #vent #ask to tag

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queersolarfandompage · 4 months

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⚠️Tw vent, suicide, depression, panic attack⚠️

Had a panic attack today. I was doing so well. I didnt have a lot of money left but i was budgeting it well enough. Then my prescription which was normally under $20 is suddenly nearly $70 and all of my budgeting went down the drain. Its been awhile since ive had a panic attack and i hate how numb im feeling now. I can still feel tears forming anytime i tyink too much about my situation, but otherwise I feel empty. I wanna puke. I feel like I’m gonna puke. I couldnt brrath anf bo obe was around. I cant ask for help now, I don’t feel like I deserve it. I should’ve worked harder. I should be more independent. I couldn’t reach out to anyone when I was having the panic attack and now that it’s over with why should I bring it up again? My family will be upset both with themselves and with me for not reaching out but I can’t stand being emotional, especially around others.

It makes me think of a time where my dad was home more often. I’d go to him with my breaks downs and his way of handling it calmed me down, but never helped. He always presented me with logic and facts, reminding me there are some things that can’t change and that I should learn to focus more on the things I can change. To look for the silver lining and learn from my situation.

Today was just a bad day. It started off way too early, on a dark road with nothing to distract me from my thoughts. I should’ve put on music, who knows I might’ve but it didn’t help. I can’t imagine a future in which I’m happy. I’m supposed to live and work until I die. I’m supposed to devote vast amounts of time to a job or career, when no job or career is something that brings me joy. I’m supposed to socialize in my free time but what free time do I have?

Like a job gives you money, but you lose out on time.

Socializing takes time and money in return for happiness(?)

So I work and then don’t have time for friends, or I don’t work and don’t have money for friends.

My budget was tight but it was manageable. Yes there are something’s I would go without to make my dollars last, but it was fine. Now I’m worried about having enough money for gas. I’m planning to visit my friend’s resting place in a couple days, will I have the money to buy her flowers like I wanted?

My head hurts. I’m too wide awake. I feel sick. Why can’t I just be happy? I worked a full time job and I hated life. I’m putting myself back into college and I’m unhappy. I had a time where my life revolved around my social relationships yet still I wasn’t happy. Will I ever be happy?

I miss who I used to be and I hate who I am now but I don’t have the energy to go back. I don’t have the energy to put in effort, for a job, for my schooling, for my family or friends. I just want to be alone and numb. I don’t want to be alone and numb.

Wouldn’t the world be better without me? I mean how many people would actually miss me? My mom and younger brother live so far away we don’t see each other often. They’d learn to live without me since they already do. My older brother and his family would be out an extra babysitter but it’s not like we see each other too often. My nephew isn’t even old enough to remember me. My stepmom would be devastated. But her life would move on. Monday would come and she’d go right back to work. The house would be quieter, and that might eat away at her for a while but eventually things would be the same. My father works over the road so the time I get to see him is often short. He’d probably take my death the hardest. He always wanted to have a happy family. It didn’t work out with my mother but he found someone else who makes him happy. My older brother was too headstrong to fit into the nice family picture my dad tried to make, and they fought more often than not. Now I’m his last chance at having that happy family. The normal nuclear family that he wanted. The child that he wanted to cherish. But I’m broken and he knows it. He slowly tries to piece me together, encouraging me to experience different things in life in the hopes I’ll find something that will make me whole again. But I’m breaking faster then we can pick up the pieces and the things I’d used as glue before are deteriorating. If I died he’d loose his last precious child and it’d destroy him. But my father is stronger than I am. He’d pick up his pieces eventually, though it would take time to glue himself back together I’m sure he could manage. I feel like I’m broken to the point that some pieces can’t be mended. Some pieces of me disintegrated away to dust and no amount of glue can put them back together.

While I’m not mentally stable I am not at risk of harming myself, so please don’t worry about that if you’ve read this far. I mean I did tell my parents I was suited for psych ward life but that’s another financial burden I’d have to consider eventually. It just feels like I’m drowning, and I’m swimming towards the surface as hard as I can but I just can’t break free of the water engulfing me.

#solar vent

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senseitive-o · 11 months

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Letters i will never send you

Do i miss you?

does it hurt?

no it doesn’t

it’s just i can’t breathe right now

there is this weight on my chest

someone is pushing me down

there is this pain

i feel sick to my core

but i am ok.

i am happy,i just completed another kdrama

but all i could think about is how i never sent you that recommendation list.

nvm i am happy

i went through my tiktoks only to stop at ones i made for you but never sent them

should i have?

but would it have changed anything.

It doesn’t matter.

We have both moved on.

Its just i still can’t watch Big Bang Theory

because you said we will binge them together.

We shouldn’t have planned anything.

i loved imagining my future

now i don’t even think about next year.

nothing remains the same so why we thought we will.

but its ok

we are grown ups now.

it is ok for a 20 year old to ask AI to tel her yjhd dialogues

it’s completely fine for her to want to recreate with someone and shutting everything down in an instant

because she cant bear someone else saying the same words.

just realised its not the words that matter but the one saying them.

but its ok,

i stopped finding comfort in words.

i mean i did wait the entire day till 12 for your wish to pop on my screen,

opened your account one too many times.

It’s ok now,

the day passed without like the countless other moments when i had you but you weren’t here.

It’s not the major things that break my heart

i can live without the three words

but the small gestures

they all mattered

the way you said goodnight,stayed on call till 5,texted me the tiniest detail,the mischief in your voice and the smile in the eye,all those loved names,listening to repeated tales.

Oh the barely noticeable things were worth dying for.

i should have recorded your laugh.

oh i should have loved you

more.

I don’t feel anything rn

but this unimaginable hatred for myself

why did i not love fully?

i knew love was a choice,

so why didn’t i choose us that time

i should have said what i needed to say

then a little more

i should have listened and cherished more

remembered those lowkey i love yous you said

how did i thought i would be okay losing you

but wait a second

you were?

you were ok losing me?

ik i am not the most loveable person

but you should have loved me in my madness

you shouldn’t have made me fight me for the breadcrumbs of your love.

Did we both fall in love with the idea of love?

not knowing what it really was.

we should have looked before we fell.

All in the past though,

we were broken so we broke up

its just how my life has been intertwined with yours so casually that i don’t even need to think about you.

your name appears on my search bar everything single time

You are my muscle memory.

nvm i am again making a mistake

breaking my heart again

begging that there is still a chance

when its time to let go.

You know whats the weird part

i realised i will always be a villain

or maybe i am just human

a selfish human.

I sit down often and think about you

“are you suffering?”

do you also suddenly miss me?

in weird periods of time

when you suddenly see something

does it remind you of me?

Do i linger in your head,

pull some tugs of your heart?

When you hear my name,

how do you feel?

Damn you

for making me bear all the weight.

#random #letters #letters i will never send you #4am posting

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mimibtsghost7 · 3 years

Note

Fuck you and all your little brain washed rats sending people hate because you cant take responsibility for your actions!! But go on stay silent like you always do, pretend its nothing of your business, keep being a fetishizing racist delulu like you love to be while pretending to be the best blog on tumblr!!!

NOT like anyone will see this but YOU will so LET’S GOOO!!!~~

TW: mental health and more (if you feel like this can trigger you, pls don’t read this, breathe in and out and listen to this HERE and remember I love you), loads of tea and Mimi NOT being a friendly and kind ghost.

funny enough:

I never pretended of said I was the best blog. But I guess the fact that you say it might be because you heard it frequently? Thanks for thinking so^^

I sent hate to no one and u r the one sending it to me rn ^^ In my whole 4 year journey on Tumblr I received a lot of love but also worse hate that you can imagine. Yes you are saying now you are receiving hate ... funny how it’s bad when It’s addressed to you but when it’s at me and my dear followers it is not. Still, I never told anyone to go hate on you. You were the idiot that tagged my old blog and as soon as my blog was gone pple searched me and found out you were the reason behind this. But as you keep hating on me. Let me tell you I am kind but don’t mistake that for me being a coward.

I am not into insulting others and I don’t care much if you insult me. BUT don’t YOU DARE touch my dear followers. Insulting ain’t hard. Let me try: The only rat here is you hiding in your hole as an anon. I went and compared your writing with this ask and previous hate asks. And it was you~ Good for you~ the sewers smell just like your filthy mouth spilling sh*t left and right. So on brand. However, I know who you are @hobisbeautifulass Hi ^^

Me racist? HAHAHAHAH you truly know NOTHING about me nor my ex-blog’s message. It was a place when you were welcomed no matter your skin color, religion, gender ... proof? well it got deleted thanks to you. but ask around this time and search for who reblogged my posts as they were always the top of the tags (even if I don’t trust how bad you are at research). I supported the BLM movement and still do and will always do but I did so veeery early without anyone telling me. Not for the notes but because of my humanity. I wished my dear followers’ happy holidays no matter their religions. And never cared about those things. Why judge someone on something based on religion or how they were born. As for the LGBTQ+ community, I was always and will always be there for love being love. I talked about mental health and opened venting nights. I helped left and right and when I was receiving hate because of people like you spitting lies about me. What did I do? Did I go online and called people bad? No. I looked back at myself and asked myself if I did anything wrong. I tried to educate myself and apologized sincerely when I had to. I read books and watched documentaries to learn how to become a better human. AND never repeated a mistake twice. You tend to forget that our cultures are different and sometimes you grow up to see some things as normal when they are not. This is not an excuse tho, so I always believed that I was lacking and if someone had something to say against me, there is a chance they are right and just in case I should reflect on myself. But for your case it was pure nonsense. ME? a stalker? how can I stalk when I have social anxiety and at that time couldn’t even leave my room? I am even afraid of taking public transportations and just the other days I was crying from joy when I took a taxi alone. they said I was in Japan stalking Jimin and Jungkook and took a pic when I was NEVER EVER was on that land. You put me on the same list as people who bought info about BTS’ flights to be on the same plane as them? I was stalked before and let me tell you it ain’t cute and fun. I am even scared of the idea of being followed. that’s why I never shared openly my age, country, or anything about me on my blog. that’s why I have no personal social media to this day and that’s why making my ex-blog was some sort of miracle in my life.

Silent? yes I was silent when I received hate and didn’t even vent to my dear followers or pointed fingers. Why? because I thought as my day was hell I shouldn’t make anyone’s day worse. I was worried about my dear followers with mental illnesses being triggered. I tried to take my life so many times I lost count but I still came here and smiled. It was my safe place and you took it away. Yet, I should pity you? You hated on me first for no reason and you know it deep inside but right now you are trying to convince yourself that you are the angel and feel no guilt. Compared to you. I pointed fingers at no one and didn’t name you when my blog was gone. Why? because compared to you, I thought you will not be able to manage the hate and what was done .. I didn’t want you to suffer the same way I did when you are the one who made me suffer the most the past couple of days. But the kind Mimi is someone you will never remember because you dared touch the friends I love and calling them names. I don’t mind people insulting me but don’t you dare touch my people. I know myself best. My dear friends/followers know me best. I thought ... I could leave without this mess but you keep barking in my ask box and it’s annoying. I left this backup account just to talk to my friends and yet you are here to ruin things again? I should stop being kind to the ones who deserve non of it. I ignored you when I had so many followers and you went silent too because you were scared of me. But as soon as I lost my blog because of you, you went, edited and then reblogged that stalker post. How can I be a stalker? do you even know the definition of a stalker? do you even know shame? well .. I don’t think so.. you said it yourself. You are NOT ashamed (and you reblogged that so many time lol).

Death threats? this is no competition but thanks to people like you I have been there and wish no one to be there not even you. The only difference is that you almost killed me for real. You were not the sole reason? Great job walking away from you beloved word: RESPONSIBILITY. And I didn’t get just anon hate, I got literal tagging by people like you, DMs, and people pointing guns at me. That’s why I didn’t mention you. I was worried about the one who took away what I worked for for 4 YEARS. I was more sad and concerned about the ARMY fandom here. Do you know how many rely on my updates? do you know how many people said I helped them? do you know any of that? do you think 200k people were “rats”? Do you think if I did and say wrong thing I will not be questioned by those people. I always told my dear followers: “friends, if I do or say anything wrong or share anything that hurts anyone please tell me. I am willing to learn from everyone.” But what did you know? what did you do? Well .. guess you love notes? As the most notes you ever got and the most attention was when talking about me?

Love how you talk about fetishing when my blog was what people call “family friendly”. I also like BTS. I love them for their music, talent, personalities and the happiness they give me. I also enjoy BTS’ bond and love their interactions. I posted content of all kinds of interactions JM X JK, JK X V, V X JIN, JIN X SG, SG X JH, JH X RM, RM X JM ... If you are calling this fetishing asian men just because I scream over BTS as a fan and love their bonb. Then aren’t you against the idea of being an ARMY? I was a clear OT7 and you were told that you weren’t right:

Then you answered this without even explaining the nonsense about me:

idk .. I am trying to find sense in your nonsense so .. wait wait let me look at the definition of fetishism first.

Fetishism /ˈfɛtɪʃɪz(ə)m/ noun: a form of sexual behavior in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, activity, part of the body, etc.

Then .. judging from your URL alone hmmm ... cute. I won’t even talk about the SMUT you write that is full of kinks and fetishism. Well I have no problem with fan fiction but the irony you spit is out of this world.

Also, I made money out of mimibtsghost? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH no lil one. I worked day and night for FREE. At some point when BT21 just came out and there were no products on AMAZON or anywhere but S.Korea, someone reached out to me to offer 20% off or something for my dear followers. When they asked what I wanted I said what about international giveaways for my dear followers. Basically, made gifs, found content, updates, analysis, edits, and so on for free. Again, w-wait .. Aren’t you the one asking for commissions? Well .. It’s not wrong. But again THE irony.

So, I went to see that post you made about me with “PROOF” and it was just another person who was salty as I got them blocked I can’t even recall who they were but oh well. Their arguments according to YOU and many should be taken as FACTS just because they said them? You said HERE that your first comeback was MOST:7 that came in just last year (2020) SO what the hell do YOU know about what happened years before you came when all the proof you pointed at where baseless without any backing?

Let’s see this so wise person you used to delete my blog and what I have done ^^

The gifs: There is a story to this. The first week I came to Tumblr, It was my first time on this site and the first time I share anything. I shared some content and my analysis had a lot of notes for a small creator that started just a week ago. But I made a mistake, I found a gif and posted it while crediting the gif maker. At the time I had NO idea it was wrong. I logged off and after 5 hours I log in and there was a WAR for that ONE gif. The big blog had me blocked and her friend was telling me to take it off. As soon as the person told me I did IMMEDIATELY and apologized againa and again and told them to tell the original gif maker to deblock me as I want to apologize directly and that they can block me after that. They did and I apologized but they just kept insulting me. Of course it was MY mistake and that’s why I apologized. But for them. for a mere gif (yes I say a mere gif because I made so many gifs and they were used on all platforms but I never thought it was necessary to hate that much on someone like they did to me). That blog was big and had big blog mutuals. Thanks to that, I became someone you do NOT become mutuals with but block and never reblog content from. Without any big mutuals. Without any shoutouts. Only my love for BTS, my dear followers’ support and my hard work.. My blog, became bigger and FAST (I got 10k in less than 6 months after I started) and that brought loads of jealousy and thus more rumors. Even if, I apologized and since then made my own gifs. And I made SO many gifsets that I can’t remember how many there were. What I can recall is at some point I made them daily and many times a day.

Ships Jikook? I posted content of ALL the members interactions. I was here at a time where Jikook stans and Taekook stans where always fighting. BUT I posted about both and even made so many posts to encourage loving all the members and all the interactions. I also used the tags solely used for shipping with other big tags to show that BTS’ interactions are all important and their bond is beutiful. That our fandom shouldn’t hate on a member just because they are not part of a ship we like. And wait .. even if I shipped Jikook? I got called ALL those names by someone who ship the members with readers and write sexual scenes? Like, wait ... I am truly confused. Like, write fanfic and do all you want as long as you hurt no one I guess but why am I getting hurt for doing non of it? Like according to you, the person you should be cancelling is yourself?! I am also not into cancel culture like you so hahah whatever.

Posted stalker pics: well wow the story changes each time. Next thing you will hear that I was the one holding a camera for a member in a Vlive lol. Let me teach you about this update thing I was doing. I follow accounts I trust and that’s how we get info circulating fast. I always do reasearch but sometimes mistakes are made. For example when lately people shared pictures of BTS leaving their virtual concerts and schedules. There was a watermark of a news outlet. Normally we trust those but only later we realized that those people stalked BTS. You clearly can’t know it all. But I still didn’t share many pics related to many events (I will not name those as pple can search them even now because some pple never deleted those). And all big accounts shared many pics then deleted later. This happens all the time but it happened like ONCE for me. However, I am called a stalker for that?

When Jonghyun passed away ... I don’t even wanna recall that night as the memories just ... when that happened I posted about it and send my condolescences. that post had over 10k notes and was at the top the tag. Why did I do that? I was devastated. Yes, many were but I will talk about me rn: I was suicidal the days before that and one of the songs that I listened to when I was broken where by him. I has been in the kpop world since 2006. And learned about his group since their debut with ‘Replay’. I was never a stan but I still knew of many groups and listened to all the songs I liked. I was very sad when he was gone and ANGRY mostly. Why is this angel leaving? Why is someone like me still here? Why did I not leave instead of him? How much did he suffer? And in the midst I posted a post from twitter that stated how agencies usually put down pple with mental illiness and hide it in the industry. Yes, that was important but NOT at that time. I shouldn’t have posted that and I realized after 5 min of doing so that it was WRONG. So I deleted it FAST but it kept being reblogged and I kept getting hate and people telling me: “Go kill yourself”... the sad part is that I almost did as my answer was “true ... why am I still here?” I apologized and logged off then to this day won’t forget crying at 3 AM while walking outside next to my dad. I was outside as I couldn’t breathe anymore and the idea of seeing the walls of my room was hell. I cried and cried and the teary eyes that my father looked at me with are something I am ashamed of to this day. To add one more thing while I am spilling the beans. I hate learning about someone dying. My grandma passed away sometime before that and it was so shocking to me. and some people came and told me when I was mourning her: Go follow that bitch of grandmother of yours. And for what? At that moment I didn’t think I would live to see the next year but I went to therapy and took medecine that was hurting and made me shake all day just to turn somewhat sane. No one knew tho ... I smiled all day and cried all night.. Even on the blog I fought no one of the ones who hated me. I just blocked them but even that was an insult to them?

Again, you said no one should defend me. Yet, you were ready to fight whoever touched anyone around you. What about changing your URL to beautifulassirony

Also THE hypocrisy. If you are sorry then why are you answering an ask of someone isulting someone you want to apologize to? Just make a post wher you apologize or ignore it from the start?

One more thing but surely not the last. You said you were good with research which you are NOT. So, let me show you what an OG detective ARMY can do. But first, as I was scrolling I saw some of your “work” (let’s not even talk about those gifs) and I am just giving my point of view here: I hate how you painted Namjoon as this horny-idiotic-make-dog. Like I get it it’s a fanfic or Namjoon as a dad but ... Namjoon is such a smart man who is very respectful and ofc he is a human with needs like many but what the hell is this way of portraying a character? Also a character is not cool, amazing, and a strong woman just because they curse and belittle their partner.

Oh well, only you kept reblogging that as it show 36 reblogs when only 33 as still there when I looked and out of those 13 reblogs are yours? (you might have reblogged it more) but again some people might have liked ... people have different taste ... so ... whatever.

Let’s continue, shall we ^^. You said you were the victim here when I was the one getting robbed right? How can I believe someone who reblogged the post below and was proud calling themselves an abomination or how the Oxford dictionary defines it: a thing that causes disgust or loathing. For once you weren’t wrong.

What can you expect from someone who has the “I am not like others” kinda mentality while stating relatable things that everyone goes through?

This is getting pretty long. So to sum this up. You are now telling others that hate is NOt ok and that they should be ashamed of themselves when you yourself is not ashamed of hating on me?

I am not the type that sends anon hate. I might ignore some barking but the past days you came and bite me hard. I face the ones I have to face without fear. I know I am not the bad guy here and I don’t care much what you think about me. Even BTS got haters. This says a lot. BUT do NOT dare talk badely of my dear friends/followers. You said you do research well? Start by deleting the post below that was originally by ME from your blog ... oh how meticulous you are. From your baseless receipts to your twisted logic. Indeed people on the internet can say anything and it will be FACTS. You painted me as the devil and painted yourself as this researcher? What’s next you receiving a Phd in ‘pity me’ after your MBA in lies and irony? Whatever~

Whaaatever~ Karma will have upcoming talks with you. No need for you to apologize. I never cared about you and you only got attention using me. But I am not here anymore how will you get that blog running now? Are you gonna add me in a fanfic next? No need for you to send me my appearance fee when you do so~ And no need for you to apologize to me just apologize to you conscience if you have any left. As for me @hobisbeautifulass you are just someone I will forget soon anyway~~

And because according to what you said HERE when you described the things you hate about people and I thought that was VERY close to how you treated me. Thus, you might really not stand yourself rn.

Do.Not.Worry. BTS are starting the Love Myself campaign again and just in time for you to jump in (you are good at jumping to conclusions about me so I won’t worry about you). I know you don’t like me or my friends but be sure to love yourself at least ^^

You are a Hobi stan? Then learn from Hobi to share some sunshine not bring the storm. Have a good day~

#Anonymous #hobisbeautifulass #don't mind the typos as I wrote this in one go #just because I am someone who do not punch back when someone hit me do not mean I will stand nicely when you touch my people #anyway~ bye~#mimibtsghost

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blookmallow · 3 years

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rating spirit halloween’s new animatronics for 2021

or at least what’s showing as New Arrivals on the site for me. looks like we got 15 new arrivals listed here and im HYPE about them so here we go

the caretaker

pretty standard reaper character with a Gravedigger theme to it. hes... fine? nothing about this particularly stands out to me, but i dont dislike it at all. i like his gravestone. would be good for a graveyard set. i guess ill give him... 6.5/10

mr. dark

at first glance he also just looks like a standard reaper character (or voldemort. he definitely looks like voldemort now that i think about it) but it turns out he SPRINGS UP RIDICULOUSLY TALL LIKE A CURSED WACKY INFLATABLE TUBE MAN and the spring motion in the video is actually really fucking fast so, while this isn’t a lot different from other jumpscare animatronics, i gotta give him credit bc i guarantee this would have scared the fuck outta me in person. according to the site he’s almost 9 feet tall at his full height

i expected him to jump out and scream but i did not expect. That. i feel like if you put him up on a stage or something to make him loom over people even more he’d be very menacing indeed. would also be really good if you put him behind something so you don’t see him until he's suddenly There

i like him, 8/10 springy spook man

click for more

grave grabber

pretty much just a zombie but he’s cute i like him. i like the green eyes. i dont know what it is about him in motion but the video makes him kind of endearing to me for some reason and i dont know why. 6/10

ophelia

at first for some reason i thought the monster’s name was ophelia but i think that’s supposed to be the name of the victim? i think the idea here is “girl haunted by a Nightmare” but the fact that the monster itself is so small and doesn’t actually have a body for the most part makes this unintentionally hilarious to me

like. it. it’s so small. it’s just a little shoulder demon. it’s so cute

psst. hey do we have any more cheetos

anyway i like how the girl’s eyes move back and forth but the sounds she makes are uncomfortable and she just looks so. stiff and solid and there doesn’t seem to be any movement at all other than her eyes and the monster peeking out so it’s just kind of weird to look at. it’s an interesting concept but the execution is just strange and unintentionally hilarious. 7/10 bc i still think its really funny

someone should buy this and mod it into chrona and ragnarok

harriet hustle

WE DID IT KIDS WE FINALLY GOT A FEMALE CLOWN ANIMATRONIC im so happy i could cry i wish my store had her set up i want to meet her

i love how they have her hanging upside down like this, it makes it so much more visually interesting than the figures that just kinda stand there looking spooky, even though she doesn’t really Do much (she just swings and her head moves around a little, just laughs, doesn’t have spoken lines)

i love her outfit i love her hair shes SO cute i love this little murder gremlin i love her i love her

im still waiting on spirit to give us a female clown figure that isn’t “creepy little girl” (ive commented before on how their only female figures tend to be either the Old Hag or the Creepy Little Girl and not a lot else) but i absolutely love this all the same 20/10

this one is fun too because we also have:

henry hustle

according to the description he’s actually harriet’s dad!! we have an evil clown father and daughter duo here and im LIVING for it

i dont think ive ever seen spirit do characters that are related to each other like this that’s so cute,

apparently his wife/harriet’s mother left them and ran off with the ringmaster. he’s a single father clown trying to raise his evil daughter clown and i support him wholeheartedly

there doesn’t seem to be any more animatronics on this storyline, we don’t have the mother here and the only ringmaster animatronic they have is the rotten ringmaster who was released previously, but i doubt he’s the homewrecker ringmaster in question. he Could Be. imagine if your wife left you for That. we dont even know if henry’s wife was also a clown or not. spirit halloween clown lore going on here

anyway i absolutely LOVE this clown, he does something INCREDIBLY STARTLING AND UNEXPECTED which i dont want to spoil for you. go watch his video and see what he does its great

my absolute favorite type of halloween animatronic is the “does something completely unexpected” category and this one is ALSO a clown and a GOOD clown at that

and he’s got this great vintage clown style i really like, i love scary clowns like this that actually look like they could believably be a real guy and not just some kind of mutant Clown Monster

and hes got cards!! card suit motif!!! i love it i love him this is a great clown 20/10 for him too

w. raith

we have this one at my local store and listen to me. im completely obsessed with this ghost

it’s pretty much just a ghost but it’s SUCH A GOOD ghost. especially in this photo here with proper spooky lighting and everything. i would absolutely LOVE to see this in a haunt attraction, it looks SO good even in bright store lighting. i feel like this under the right lights and in the right environment could look SO fuckign cool

the shredded rag look!!! the ethereal glow!! the weird jellyfishy movement!!! the classic wooOoO oO o o ooo noises!! this may perhaps be the ideal ghost. it is without flaw. a perfect specimen. i fuckign LOVE this ghost i want it so badly but i do not have the space or the money for this thing 15/10 w. raith my beloved. my true love. maybe one day

buzzsaw

at first i was slightly disappointed to see that this guy didn’t have an actual name, but then in the description apparently his name is Bill “Buzzsaw” Jackson and his backstory is he tried to be a wrestler but it didnt go very well so he grafted weapons in place of his hands. i guess. you know, to be better at wrestling. i dont really understand it and i definitely would not have gone with “disgraced former wrestler” as the concept for this guy

but anyway we have mr jackson at my store right now, he’s Big, i like him. he doesn’t really move very fast and doesn’t jump at you, he just kinda swings his saw around. for some reason he just seems friendly to me and i dont know why. makes me think of like an uncle dressed up for halloween rather than an actual murderer guy. i dont know i cant explain it but i like him hes my friend 8/10

wacky mole

this guy’s also at my store this year, i didn’t know his name was wacky mole fsdgjsdg

he’s listed as a new arrival, but i thought i remembered seeing him before, and the description says he’s a returning fan favorite, so. i guess this is a re-release

anyway pretty standard Scary Monster Clown. his teeth look like candy corn. i like it but i think they should just Be candy corn. i like his colorscheme and his silly giant buttons. light up eyes are always a nice touch. he doesnt really stand out but hes overall a pretty good clown. 7/10

grim

good ol’ classic skeleton. he’s pretty nicely modeled though and i highly recommend watching the video for this guy because he moves REALLY well for a spirit animatronic, he’s got a way wider range of movement than most of them do and his head moves really nicely. one of the benefits of a skeleton animatronic is you don’t have to deal with lip movement, so his jaw movements match with his lines a lot more realistically. i like the animated glowing eyes too, it really gives him a lot of personality. he’s really interesting to watch. like, it’s just a skeleton, but it’s a really really good skeleton, so, 8/10

BEETLEJUICE!!

i love love love franchise character animatronics and spirit has so much great beetlejuice stuff this seems well suited to them but looking at it............. hm. hm

he just looks so. stiff and his face comes across like, deer caught in the headlights to me. it Does Not look very natural but it looks slightly better in motion (he just swivels from side to side and says a few phrases but it somehow looks less. shellshocked when he’s moving)

maybe not the greatest execution but maybe he looks better in person and im still hype to see him so 8/10 regardless

night stalker

we have this guy at my store too, im still not really sure what’s going on with his arms (did he just rip loose from them and leave them behind? did someone do this to him? i dont know) but i love a good spooky scarecrow. love his Wiggles. hes a pretty good boy. 6.5/10

here we have another pennywise, it pretty much just pops out at you, but it’s still pretty good. i like the full size one they had before better, but this one’s slightly cheaper and would be easier to integrate into a haunted house attraction since he comes with a built in set piece. it looks good but doesn’t do much. 7.5/10 i guess

GHOSTFACE!!!!

FUCK YES I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

please. please spirit halloween set him up in my store so i can see him

anyway hes got kind of the same issue beetlejuice has where the figure just. looks kind of stiff, and he looks more like a spooky ghost decoration than like, A Person. he doesnt seem to have any lines or anything either, he just kinda pops out. but then again i guess whenever we see ghostface in person in the movies he doesn’t usually talk anyway. i dont really know how id make this better but it seems a little underwhelming somehow. still hype to see it though. 7/10 i guess

now if we could just get a jack torrance and a bela lugosi dracula id be content

i would LOVE to see Red from Us but i doubt they’d do one. my other horror beloved is norman bates but i know if they made one of him it’d just be him in a dress waving a knife around (not that i wouldn’t still be hype to see him, but, y’know) (anyway. tangent. moving on)

mr. howle

it’s. a werewolf. he howls. that’s....... about it

it’s a very nice looking werewolf, it’s a well designed figure and definitely looks very imposing, but it’s... just a werewolf. there’s not really anything particularly interesting or creative here. its a perfectly good werewolf. i dont have anything to say about this. 6.5/10

i also just am not a werewolf person so maybe someone out there who has a greater appreciation for werewolves might like him more

#spirit halloween #spirit 2021

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xxnatxx · 3 years

Text

Chapter 2 - So what now?

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TW: Mentions of sex, drinking/alcohol, pregnancy, birth.

It’s been nearly 3 weeks after Bakugou had his little slip up, as he called it.

Everything seemed to being going pretty normal, nothing unusual or out of the ordinary in his daily life. He simply went to work, fought villains, did paperwork, worked out, ate and slept, nothing else.

Eventually, he had completely wiped the sloppy memory from his brain, to Bakugou, it was nothing but a mere inconvenience.

It’s wednesday afternoon, it’s sunny out and Bakugou is doing his usual boring patrol duties, since being a sidekick wasn’t very exciting. But he knew it would eventually be worth it, so with Kirishima by his side, he went to work and put up with the tireless hours of patrol.

This day is particularly quiet and empty, everyone at work or staying in, regardless of the perfect weather for outdoor activities. With nothing to do, Kirishima heads outside a nearby shop to help an enderly woman lift a couple boxes into her small shop. This leaves Bakugou sitting alone on a park bench, staring at the birds that would drop down from the sky and sit right by his feet.

It’s now that he suddenly feels vibrating coming from his pocket, probably the old hag calling to nag me again about eating dinner, he thought as he pulled his phone out.

Though it’s not a number he recognizes, nonetheless, with nothing to do, he answers.

“Um, hello? Is this Katsuki Bakugou speaking by any chance?” a woman with a concered voice speaks.

A woman? Who could possibly be calling him with such a shaky tone, he didn’t really know many other people besides his high school peers, and this doesn’t seem to be a voice he can recall,

“Yeah, what do you want, who are you, and how do you have my number?”

He responds in his usual aggressive and demanding tone.

“Oh this is um, Oliva Okumura, from the bar”, she hesitantly responds.

Oh.

That girl.

“What do you want” he says, both curious and confused as to why this woman he knew nothing about, was suddenly calling nearly a month after their encounter.

“I’ll just get straight to the point,

I’m pregnant, it’s yours, and i’m keeping it. I don’t really know if you want to be involved in it’s life or not, but I still figured I should tell you.”

On the other side of the line,

Bakugou is frozen, completely in shock.

Eyes wide open, jaw on the floor, he feels the tight grip on his phone begins to loosen as his thoughts run ramped.

“No, no, no, no, no, no”

“How am I supposed to become number 1 AND raise a stupid brat in the process?”

“Is she even telling the truth?”

“Should I really be involved in its life?”

“This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“Fuck”,

He can’t be a dad, right?

Though he had his very loud thoughts screaming at him to hang up, and never see the girl or the brat so he can continue to climb his way to the top, he wasn’t a terrible person.

This was his mistake, his responsibility,

and he wasn’t gonna leave a child without a father,

and thus,

he picks up his phone which is now laying on the concrete floor in front of him and says,

“I’ll do it, I’ll be in the stupid brats life”

“Hold on, really? I honestly didn’t think you’d stay, I mean aren’t you some up and coming hero or soemthing?” Olivia responds.

“Whatever, that doesn’t matter, have you made a doctors appointment yet or what” Bakugou says, in an annoyed and frustrated voice, it’s almost shaky from the anxiety he’s feeling after being told hes gonna be a dad,

a teen dad.

“Uhm, no, am I supposed to?” Olivia says cluelessly.

“Oh god, I really managed to knock up and idiot huh,

Of course you have to make an appointment, send me the information once you’ve done it, and let me make a few things clear while we’re at it,

This will be a strict parenting relationship only, I still have my own personal life and you won’t be involved, only the brat, got it?” Bakugou states firmly and aggressively.

“Pft, yeah yeah whatever you want, I’ll make the appointment and text you the information,

Bye Bakugou”

Instead of responding, he simply hangs up, shoving his phone in his pocket, still trying to process what the fuck his day just turned into.

One second he’s on typical, uneventful patrol,

the next he’s a dad.

Obviously, the only person he can really trust enough to tell, is Kirishima, so that’s exactly what he does as soon as Kirishima jogs over to Bakugous place on the bench.

Bakugou tells Kirishima everything and being the loyal friend that Kirishima is, he comforts him and helps him plan out how everything will work out once the baby is born.

How he’ll care for it while working at the same time, making sure he’s financially stable, getting a slightly more spacious and modern apartment, etc.

8 months have gone by at this point, Bakugou has been going to Olivias check ups and appointments, he’s been helping her financially as well as emotionally, though the most he does for her on that part is go over to her apartment and cook for her(and the baby in her belly), or clean up around her apartment.

All while trying to distance himself from her as much as possible at the same time, it’s crazy enough that he’s having a baby at 19, let alone have a girlfriend too, not that he liked Olivia anyways. She was obnoxious and rude, with poor living habits, and honestly, he just really disliked her personality.But nonetheless, she was the woman carrying his child, so of course he was going to put on a neutral face and cooperate with her ridiculous demeanor.

And finally, the 9th and final month of her pregnancy passes by faster than he thought it would, and he and Olivia are in the hospital waiting for a baby to arrive. Olivias in pain, she’s screaming, wailing, squeezing Bakugous hand into oblivion, just trying to push the baby out.

“Holy shit how much longer do I have to pu- UUUHH” Olivia screeches,

“Hang in there Mrs. Okumura, the baby’s almost out!” the nurses reassure her.

Bakugou honestly has no clue what to do to help her, so he simply sat next to her, lending her a hand to squeeze and scratch as she pushed his baby out. He’s trying to give her reassuring words but we all know how Bakugou struggles with this sometimes, so all he can say is,

“Good job” in the most monotone voice imaginable

“Gee thanks” Olivia manages to snark back.

After 20 more minutes of screaming, pushing, and crying,

A beautiful blond haired, red eyed baby boy was out. He was definitely a carbon copy of Bakugou, as expected since his family genes were so strong.

“So what are you guys gonna name him” a gentle nurse asks,

“I could care less, you pick the name idiot” Olivia says looking away from the precious baby in Bakugous arms.

Bakugou stares at her with disappointment, he thought she’d at least want to hold her damn baby, but after expressing several times throughout her pregnancy how much she hated kids, babies, etc., Bakugou wasn’t really all that surprised.

But I mean why would you keep a child you don’t even want in the first place? Bakugou thinks to himself as he stares at his sons gentle face, trying to decide on a name.

“Ren, his name is Ren Bakugou” he mutters to the nurse who scribbles the name down onto her paper.

The baby is then taken into another room with other newborn babies, to have a check up, and Bakugou follows, leaving Olivia alone in her hospital room.

An hour later, Bakugou returns to check on Olivia,

“Hey, I got you some food from the cafet-“ he begins to say only to stop when he sees Olivias room completely empty and cleaned up, bed made, bathroom empty, and no Olivia.

“Maybe she got put into another room or soemthing” He thinks as he goes to ask a nearby nurse.

After asking multiple nurses who gave him the same response of

“I don’t know, sorry sir.”

Eventually he begins to worry, where the hell has she run off to now?

Finally, the nurse who helped Olivia deliver the baby rushes up to Bakugou and breathlessly says,

“I-i’m Sorry, S-sir, Olivia seems to have been discharged, though she wasn’t supposed to leave for another day or so, we think she might have faked the discharge papers, but we found this note on her bed” the nurse says handing bakugou a napkin with ink scribbled all over it.

He yanks the paper from her hand, and roughly opens it up and it reads,

“I’m sorry Bakugou, but I can’t do this, I cant raise a child, I know you’ll do a better job than I ever could taking care of him. Please don’t look for me, I don’t want anything to do with Rens life,

so please take care, Olivia”

Once again, Bakugou is left wide eyed, with his jaw on the floor,

“So what now?”

taglist:

@unicornlover25, @sam-i-am-1025

#bakugou x reader #bakugou #bakugou katuski x reader #bakugou katsuki #mha #my hero academia #bakugou x fem!reader #dad bakugou #bakugou fanfiction

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gettin-bi-bi-bi · 2 years

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For two years ive been saying i was bisexual but im constantly questioning if im actually bi or just idk appriciate womens beauty. Ive always been more attracted to men but there has been some women too. Ive been told that my problem is probably being raised in a homophobiac family and so Im probably just struggling with accepting myself but idk. I just feel like i haven t been attracted to enough women to be consideded bisexual. I had like an internalized arguement with myself the other night cause i started worrying what if im not bi and i was like straight girls dont do that (my name). So then Im like what if I am not bi and just overly sexualize women but not actually attracted. I have had two relationships one was with a boy and the first time we dated it lasted for a week and then we tried again and it lasted six months. The second one was with a girl that legit only lasted two days cause I chickened out with all the what if im not bisexual and just leading her own and omg I Don t wanna end up hurting her cause it turns out im not bi. And now i think I might have a crush on my best friend (shes the same girl i tried to date for two days) but when ever I start liking imagining us together i panick and distract myself by daydreaming over my current favorite man or woman celebrity. My mom has changed and now she jokes and says me and my best friend would be cute together and my step dad always jokes about how shes the one for me and i blush ( I haven t told either about my possible crush). I dont wanna even attempt talking to her about it cause one: I doubt she still likes me. Two: what if she does so we try again just for me to panick and end it again or we try again and I turn out to be straight and hurt her. To make matters worse we have been talking about moving in together. I just want to figure out who I am before attempting anything cause i dont want to hurt her. It feels weird saying i might like her and it scares me. Im sorry if this got confusing im just tired of questioning if i really am. Im also scared that maybe I just "like women" cause men like it. Like what if I do it without realizing thats the actual reason? I tried talking to my step dad and he didnt hear my concerns he just said your probably actaully straight and then when onto ask if i ever kissed a girl and i was like no ive never kissed anyone so he said well you gotta actually experience the stuff to know (idk if thats true but i heard you didnt have to have any experience at all) with both men and women I can imagine myself with them as long as i dont actually know them personally otherwise I panick and deny the crush as hard as possible low key have a fear of relationships cause almost everyone on my moms side was always in a toxic relationship (idk if it works like that but it kinda rubbed off on me that it would happen to me) I currently have this favorite woman celebrity who i make up little scenarios in my head for and it works but if I pause the story for just a second all this negative thoughts come in. Ive tried imagining dating my best friend who I might have a crush on but I cant it feels weird and wrong cause we have known each other for so long and at one point she was more like a younger sister even though shes only a few months younger and it just feels iffy. Ig I also tend to like women who are more cold and like badass and most the time older than me (with men they tend to be around my age or slightly older and with women they tend to be late 20s or older). I also feel like maybe I just like the aesthetic of a cute soft girl with a goth girl or other wlw aesthetics (mostly soft and goth girl idk I just really want that). Like what if i dont like women i just like wlw aesthetics

This message is a little all over the place so excuse me if I am misunderstanding somethings or didn't take everything in completely. What I gather is that you are young (teenager?) and riddled with self-doubt about your sexuality, which isn't helped by the fact that the people you try to confide in, like your step dad, are responding with biphobic stereotypes and misconceptions. I'm just going to try to sort through some of the themes that you touched on and give a brief opinion on it. At the end of the day only you can decide which label suits you and you can make of my input what you will.

Internalised biphobia: a lot of what you are saying just screams internalised biphobia to me. the fact you even mention a homophobic family could certainly be one reason for this but also society in general tends to be biphobic as well and we just pick up on that without even realising and then when we start to realise that we are bisexuals we get tormented by all of these intrusive negative thoughts about bisexuality. you are not alone with this - many bisexuals have to go through that unfortunately. but there's ways to unlearn your biphobia, some advice on that I have collected here, maybe it helps you. one aspect of internalised biphobia can be believing in misconceptions and stereotypes. for example the idea that "women are just pretending to be bisexual because men like it" is a classic biphobic myth. if anything this is for many women the only way to explore their bisexuality in a "socially acceptable" way. the stereotype of the "college girl who makes out with other girls on parties when drunk" might have a grain of truth to it but not because those girls are faking it but rather because this is the only scenario in which a heteronormative society gives them permission to experiment. another aspect of internalised biphobia is not believing in your own experiences and attractions. you have stated multiple times in your message that you are attracted to women. you've said it with different words but you say you have a crush on a girl, you have female celebrity crushes, you even noticed that you have kind of a type when it comes to women.... now imagine you'd have said all those things about men - would you then doubt that you're attracted to men? Probably not. But about women you have some double standard because of the internalised biphobia. Instead of seeing alll these expressions of attraction to women and taking it as a clear hint that you are bisexual, you think you are doing something wrong or "not queer enough".

attraction is a good thing: so many queer people, especially queer women are afraid of "oversexualising" women and being "predatory". but that's again just internalised queerphobia mixed with sexual shame. you are allowed to be attracted to women. you are even allowed to have sexual thoughts about women, to fantasise, to dream... and yes, you are also allowed to desire actually having sex with women and if you find one who wants to do it with you then you are allowed to do it. that's not "oversexualising" in any negative sense of the word. But yes, it means you are seeing women as sexual beings and that's okay because guess what? Most women are sexual beings. It is okay to "sexualise" someone - when it's only a fantasy then it is always okay because fantasies do not harm anyone! and when it's actually happening then it's okay when it's consensual. When you are physically intimate with someone, of course you sexualise them. If they consented to is then that's probably exactly what they want in that moment. It's okay. It's good and healthy.

you are still young, take a breath! I would like to remind you that you are still young and for most young people who are starting to explore their sexuality this is a confusing time because you are literally only just starting to learn what sexual or romantic attraction feels like and what types of people, what genders, what personalities, what aesthetics and body types you are drawn to. and btw: your step dad is wrong. you do not need to have experiences with all genders, or with anyone even, to know whom you are attracted to. I've never kissed James Spader and yet I know that I want. so why would you have to have kissed a women already in order to know that you want to?

"what if im not bisexual and just leading her own and omg I Don t wanna end up hurting her cause it turns out im not bi" listen... anytime someone enters a relationship they accept the risk that they might get their heart broken. ideally when a relationship ends it's on good terms and everyone involved mutually agrees that splitting up is for the better. but of course sometimes relationships end ugly. you can never guarantee someone that it will last forever. you can never guarantee that you will always love them or always be attracted to them. and likewise, they cannot guarantee this to you. it's an unrealistic (and I'd say also unhealthy) expectation to put on a partner. sometimes people fall out of love for many different reasons. maybe your personalities don't match, maybe you want different things in life... or, yeah, maybe you realise that your sexuality and their gender doesn't align. so what? your partner might get hurt if you have to break up for some reason but that is the risk that they took when they decided to enter a relationship. taking risks and making oneself vulnerable is part of life. I'm not saying that it won't hurt if/when that happens but I'm saying that I promise you (and your potential partner) that you'll get over it. I'm gonna say it again: you are still young. you are making your first experiences in the world of romance and sexuality. it's normal to be overwhelmed and to not know exactly what you like or want. you are just learning these things. but you say you want to "know who you are first" before dating a girl and tbh I think that's not really gonna work. how to have a relationship is something that you don't just know. you learn it over time... and you will make mistakes and you can either fix them or next time you get the chance try not to make the same mistake again. but you cannot learn these things all on your own. you need to engage with others and make those mistakes together, you know? which brings me to my last point...

communication: you seem to really like this girl and all that's keeping you away from dating her is your fear of doing something wrong or "using her". have you told her any of that? have you experessed your fears and explained why you "chicked out" last time? having an open conversation about this might dissolve some of that worry. maybe she has similar fears, maybe she doesn't think it's a big deal and wouldn't mind to be "an experiment". if you go into this openly saying "I am insecure about my sexuality, I am not sure if I am really bisexual but I do really like you and I would like to try this dating thing. I hope it's okay for you that I am not sure where this is headed yet." and then she can decide what to make of that and decide for herself if she wants to date you under those circumstances. I know it's not that easy to have these conversations but this is also something that you need to learn if you want to have fulfilling and healthy relationships with people. You said yourself that your family has a history of toxic relationships. I'm gonna take a wild guess that open and honest communcation is something they struggle with so as a general relationship and life advice: learn to talk about your fears and emotions. it will get you much further (and happier) than trying to handle it all on your own and never telling anyone what your concerns are.

Maddie

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whumpingcrow · 3 years

Text

Pt.20 "Into the Frying Pan"

CW: airplane setting, hospital setting, police mention, drugs/alcohol/cigarettes, nightmare/ptsd mention, tics/tourettes, injury description, discussion of noncon/dubcon, nsfw themes, conditioned whumpee trying to initiate sex with caretaker, dehumanizing language/discussion, discussion of past abuse, food mention, discussion of wearing a collar, derogatory language, strangling mention (let me know if I missed anything!)

It was all at once insanely overwhelming and yet incredibly simple for Elias to be away from August, to be on his own. He was allowed to just sit peacefully on his own, no one's hands were on him, there was no tight collar to make him feel suffocated. The flight attendants would occasionally sit with him and ask him how he was doing, if he needed anything, and he was thankful to be otherwise left alone. The lack of constant stress allowed him to lull himself off into a fitful, drunken sleep, where the dreams were horrendous but not stronger than his fatigue. At some point, one of the nice flight attendants keeping an eye on him draped her jacket over him, smiling at him when he woke up to look at her.

"You looked cold," she excused herself. "We'll be landing in about an hour and a half."

"Thank you so much." He grumbled back, tightening the jacket around him to get warmer, then he promptly fell back asleep.

The hospital visit was long and tedious, and by the end apparently also pointless, because they simply couldn't do anything for him. His injuries were plenty, and they had all been severe in the beginning, but by now they were all healed just enough for the doctors to slap some antibiotics and pain relievers on him and call it a day. The meds they gave him seemed diluted by the leftover drugs in his blood, so even that didn't matter.

He wasn't allowed to go straight home after that, like he'd been hoping, instead he was taken to the police station to talk about August. By then he wanted nothing more than to just be back with No Name, and the longer he wasn't the worse he felt.

"Is there anything we can get you while we wait?" People kept asking him, ever since he'd gotten on the plane. It was incredibly unnerving, didn't they know he was just an idiot pet, that he didn't get wants? He guessed maybe not having a collar on wasn't helping his case.

Right now the person asking him was a large police officer, waiting with him outside. Elias felt his stare fixated on him, probably on the tears stained on his face, or the tired, far off look in his eyes.

"Would you be able to get me a cigarette? Please?" The request came out slightly mangled and watery, he was surprised to hear himself asking for it. He was never allowed to ask for anything, he half expected to be slapped across the head for it. Instead, the officer reached out at a safe distance with one in hand. "Oh. Th...thank you so much."

As he lit up, the chill breeze ran through his hair, making him feel gradually more sober. He looked up at the palm trees swaying slightly, the realization that he was home really started to sink in. It was all gonna be ok because he was home. After talking about August and all of the atrocities he'd put him through with the police for a few hours, he felt like he had relived it all. And now it could be done, he just had to wait for No Name.

"Is that him there?" The officer piped up suddenly, making Elias flinch. He looked up to see him approaching, his shoulders high with tension.

Elias dropped his cigarette to the ground with a gasp, his hands flying to cover his eyes in pure shock. He was there! He came! Elias could've fallen over in ecstasy.

"Elias, my darling," he was saying as he got closer, his voice on the very edge of breaking, "Elias I'm here. I'm here."

One inch at a time, Elias dropped his fingers, peering up at him with tears in his eyes. How could he possibly have any more tears left? Now that he was looking at him, he was overwhelmed with relief, absolutely flooded with the promise of safety. No Name's hair was so much longer than Elias remembered, put up in messy dreads, and his face was glowing healthily. Was there...genuine, actual love in his eyes? Elias hadn't seen that in August's face for so long, his stare was often only predatory and arrogant, despite how often he threw around the word, he didn't ever look like he felt love for Elias. He couldn't fight the tears anymore, he dropped his hands to the side in complete surrender and choked back a few pathetic whines.

"Hey, hey, it's ok," he assured him, timidly stepping toward him, "you're alright."

"I c-cant...I'm so happy t-to see you." He sobbed, biting his lip to try not to get too loud. "I'm s-so relieved."

With a small, pleased hum, he grabbed Elias's arm gently, testing how much touch he would allow. "Come here, Eli."

The nickname sounded heavenly back in his mouth, and hearing the way his voice glazed over it with no remorse or second guess made Elias positively break, stumbling the step forward into his welcoming arms.

Cologne and lemons and weed. That's what he smelled like. That's what Tyson smelled like. "Oh god. Tyson. Fucking hell, Tyson."

"I've got you Elias," Tyson whispered, voice watery with his own tears, "I'm here, darling."

Elias couldn't contain himself after that, he was ticcing melodically in Tyson's arms, his name slipping out every few seconds, his hands tightening and loosening around his shirt. "You're here, Tyson. I'm so...oh Tyson..."

Slowly, Tyson led him to his car, without fully letting go of him. Only when he opened the door for him did he pull away, watching him duck in with red, swollen eyes.

"You look so different," Elias mumbled, picking at a loose thread on his borrowed pants, "I feel like it's been years."

Tyson sighed heavily, reaching over to take his hand. "Nearly 10 months."

Elias closed his eyes, a breathless whine squeezing past his lips. Ten months?! He couldn't believe that it had really been that long since they'd seen each other, and yet at the same time it felt more like years. It made him feel sick, thinking about it in that way. Ten whole months of torture, of wondering when August would snap again, terrified he would get killed if he said something deemed unpleasant. "That's...that's a really long time."

Tyson gave a somber nod, then glanced over and saw how sad it had also made Elias, and he squeezed his leg softly and forced the subject to change. "God, I've missed your voice so very badly. I'm so happy to hear you talking."

Elias couldn't take his eyes off of Tyson, and he found himself desperately holding his wrist with both hands to make sure he didn't pull away. "I forgot your name." He blurted. "I'm so sorry."

"My name?" Tyson chuckled, throwing him a questioning glance.

"When I was out there I...all I could remember was your voice and your face. I-I forgot your n-name and I feel like shit a-about it. I'm so - fucking shit - I'm so sorry."

Tyson's jaw flexed a few times, and Elias thought maybe he'd pissed him off. You're off with August for not even a year and you forget about me? You stupid slut, I can't believe I ever thought I could love you-

"Elias, you've been stuck in an absolute nightmare for the longest time. I cannot even begin to imagine..." He trailed off, shaking his head to himself. "Things are gonna be ok. You're here and you remember my name now. That's all that matters."

A shuddery breath shook Elias's frame as he tried to calm himself, and he slowly reached up to loop his fingers around his throat. When his fingers fell onto bare skin, a jolt of panic shocked through him. He didn't realize how used to the collar he'd gotten, but now that it was gone he felt stripped, naked in the worst way. He kept his hand there, cold fingers pressed to his own pulse, the entire ride back to the apartment.

It looked about the same as he remembered, which didn't mean much because every memory was sort of hazy and muddled through the drugs and injury caused brain damage. He stood in the center of the living room while Tyson set his things down in the kitchen.

"Can I get you anything Elias?" Tyson asked when he came back in. He had a glass of water in his hands, and Elias cringed hard as he took it from him.

"People keep asking me that," he mumbled, "I'm not...not allowed..."

Tyson frowned at him, tilting his head to the side. He gave Elias a second to answer on his own, but he'd already decided to stop talking. "Not allowed what, Eli?"

"Not allowed to want things. I wish people would stop...stop asking what I want. I can't want anything."

The face Tyson made at that was like he smelt something foul, his nose wrinkling as he thought about what he'd been told. He had guessed that Elias would be damaged when he got back, but it had been so long he couldn't even fathom what broken pieces he'd have to work with.

"Ok. Finish your water and we'll get you in the shower. How's that?" He kept his voice gentle in the suggestion, relieved when some of the tension dropped from Elias's shoulders with a nod.

"Thank you."

"Let me know if you're ready to talk about anything, yeah?" As he asked, he inched his way forward, looking him over carefully. He could see the faint outline of sharp bruises around his neck, a large scar barely healed on his bottom lip, and on top of it all large purple and blue blotches scattered his pale skin. "Elias...I'm so sorry I didn't do more to stop him."

Now it was Elias's turn to flinch at the distasteful words, shaking his head quickly. "It was my choice, please don't be-"

"No, my love," Tyson protested, softly caressing his arm, "no, I should have done more. You got hurt, I should have done more to help you. I am so incredibly sorry."

Elias was tearful at the words, leaning into his touch eagerly. "Tyson I... I missed you so bad. I felt so empty without you." His lungs tightened as Tyson got closer, his hands staying so gentle against his arms that it was jarring. Elias had to remind himself that he wasn't going to hurt him, this was Tyson, Tyson wouldn't do anything to harm him, but he couldn't help the uncomfortable anxious burning in his chest when he got so close.

"I love you, Eli." He whispered.

The look on his face alone was enough to send Elias reeling, the genuine, evident adoration made his head spin. The last time someone was telling him they loved him, the only emotion he saw on his face was some sort of sick obsession, a look that told him the "love" was only surface level. He began to openly cry, barely able to bite back his sobs.

"Y-you...you do?" He whined, suddenly not able to look at him head on. The emotions were so strong and heavy that he felt weighed down. Again, he wondered how his body was still producing tears. It was probably why Tyson had given him the water. "Really?"

"Yes, really." With that, Tyson kissed the bridge of his nose ever so gently, even when he flinched a little and closed his eyes. "Now let's get you cleaned up, huh?"

"Please."

Being nude wasn't nearly as intimidating as it had been before, being forced to put himself on display for prying eyes and watering mouths ready to grab and pet and squeeze made him shamefully accustomed to not wearing clothes. Even though Tyson could easily overpower him and do any of that to him, he only touched him when he was sure it would be alright, only looked at him when he spoke. He was a little uneasy because he couldn't tell what Tyson was thinking, if he was disgusted or put off and that's why he wasn't touching him. Or maybe he'd done something wrong and Tyson was punishing him. Or he just wasn't pretty enough. He could make himself pretty, he was getting good at that, at carrying himself the way people liked him: as an object.

He did this as he was helped out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist. He was relieved when he felt Tyson's stare fixated on him, and he forced himself to look up at him through half-hooded lids. "Thank you, Ty," he murmured, in that way that August always loved, the way that made him go soft for a split second and then hold him closely and gently. When Tyson didn't do that, he took a shaky breath and closed the space between them, grabbing his bicep to get closer.

"Do you feel better?" He grumbled. Elias's eyes fluttered closed when Tyson reached out to run his thumb along his cheek.

"I do. Thank you so much." When he was met with silence, he turned his head slightly, pressing his lips against Tyson's wrist. His whole demeanor was screaming "touch me, please touch me" but Tyson didn't move, keeping his hand against his jaw, watching, waiting. Elias could scream. He was too used up, that's what it was. August would hardly touch him anymore either, for the same reason: because he was a used up toy, no fun anymore. And Tyson felt the same way. It killed him to know that he wouldn't ever experience the bliss of Tyson's adoring hands on him, his warm mouth murmuring sweet nothings against his skin, his name falling from his lips, ever again.

"What are you thinking about in that pretty little head of yours?" Tyson asked him, shifting a little to stroke his hair, humming when Elias pressed into his touch desperately.

"I'm so...I'm afraid that I'm useless now." He admitted. "I know that you won't use me and...and if I'm not being used I...i just want to be important. Useful."

Tyson let out a soft, seemingly disappointed sigh, one that made Elias cringe. "Is that what it was like with August?"

He nodded slowly, not even making an effort to look up at him, too afraid he would see anger or betrayal or even nothing. That's what he was really afraid of, seeing no emotion there, the same blank stare August often gave him, toward the end. "I was just a toy, and August used me for a little while but then other people...they just started taking me too, because I was made t-to be used. But I guess I messed up cause August started hiding me and no one was allowed to touch me or speak to me and I don't want that to happen again, Ty, I want to be useful and good-"

"Eli, take a breath angel," he cooed, stepping closer to him, "I'm not them. You're a human being, and I care about you a great deal, I'm not going to use you."

Don't cry, Elias thought to himself, save your tears for when you really need them. Don't fucking cry. You look so ugly when you cry. He noticed that the voice saying it wasn't his own, rather August's low grumble. He wondered if it would always be there, saying awful things in the back of his mind. Tyson pulled his hand away, leaving Elias to sink into a frigid, freezing loneliness, the feeling of being in the basement was now inside of his chest. He brought his own fingers to his throat, wrapping his hands around his slender, bruised neck to ground himself. He hated himself for admitting it, but he knew deep down he'd look so much nicer with the collar, and maybe Tyson would use him then. Or he'd at least look at him the way he was meant to be looked at, with an intrigue and a thirst that barely overshadowed the guilt of it all. He knew the look well, he saw it every time he got up the courage to look up at the people using him. The dark eyes, the shameful pink tint to cheeks. Tyson would look at him like that, if only he was wearing his collar.

"Don't do this to me," he mumbled, voice breaking just a little, "you don't know how bad I n-need...i just need you-" he cut himself off with a swallow, shaking his head. He wasn't allowed needs or wants, what was he saying? Tyson could use him or ignore him however he saw fit, why did he think he had any say in the matter? "I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't be sorry, love. Talk to me, tell me what you need."

"Nothing," he rushed, smiling through his tears, "I don't need anything. I'm perfect."

Tyson looked on the verge of arguing, ready to pry until he got something out of him, something worthy of a reaction. He knew, though, that Elias had shut himself up again, nervous to even be standing under his gaze. So he stepped away, nodding at him slowly. "Let's get you dressed, then."

Elias was thankful for the luxury of Tyson dressing him, after the whole day spent being treated far too well, too much like a person for his comfort. It was easy to slip back into the practiced doe-eyed, mindless little toy mindset as Tyson pulled his arms through his shirt, holding him steady as he slipped pants on. When Tyson stepped back to look at him, he had a fond grin on his face.

"You're so cute," he cooed, ruffling his hair playfully as he stepped away, "I missed you so much."

Elias blushed, bowing his head as a thank you. He felt cold under his stare, cooled down too quickly from the shower. He couldn't help the tremor that shook him slightly, and the second Tyson noticed, he reached out to grab his shoulders gently, pulling him against his chest. The warmth of being close to him made him weak at the knees, and Tyson tightened his grip as he keened against him. "Oh, Tyson," he whispered, "ah, you're so warm."

"Mm. I could hold you forever. You fit so perfectly in my arms." He gave him a light squeeze, listening to his breathing hitch gently.

"Tyson," he whined, trembling fingers twisting into his shirt, "ple-please touch me. I need you to touch me."

"You need it?" He repeated.

"Y-yes, Ty. I need it so bad it aches. Please." His voice was desperate, slightly fear tinted by hearing his own request. I can't have needs, he reminded himself, but this, oh this is the blood in my veins. This is the oxygen in my lungs. I will die if I can't have this. "Oh god, Tyson, please."

At that, Tyson's lips fell against his throat, causing him to tilt his head back with a small gasp. His skin was hot from Tyson's breath and it was constricting in the same comfortable way his collar was. "I love you, Elias."

Even though it was just a hushed whisper against his skin, Elias swooned, body light and airy at the words, Tyson's hands the only thing keeping him tethered to earth. "Ah...thank you.."

Tyson pulled off to look at him, a small grin on his face as he looked him over. The second he was off of him, Elias replaced Tyson's mouth on his neck with his fingers, dropping his head back down, face flushed and shoulders high. It was too much, entirely too much to have Tyson so close to him, touching him that way, and simultaneously it wasn't nearly enough.

"Anything else?" Tyson teased, leaning forwards as if to try and entice him. Elias was glued to the floor, refusing to look up at him after a breathless whine left his throat. "What is it, baby boy?"

He watched Elias melt at the words, legs shaking slightly as he stepped forward, quickly dropping to his knees in front of Tyson. He kept his arms raised in front of him in submission until Tyson took his wrists in his hands. He looked utterly broken as he peered up at him, the shower didn't help with the cuts and bruises as much as Tyson had been hoping. The bruises under his eyes seemed near permanent, and Tyson sighed heavily.

"Let me...let me make you feel good," Elias whispered, fingers reaching for the button of his jeans. Tyson's grip on his wrists was tight though, and Elias instinctively fell pliable in his grip, dropping his stretching fingers, when he realized Tyson wasn't going to let him move any more. "Wanna make myself useful."

Tyson dropped to his knees as well, keeping his grip secure on Elias as he did, trying to be at eye level. It was difficult because he was so much smaller than Tyson and he wouldn't look up at him anyways, but Tyson returned one of his hands to his own lap and coaxed him to look up with a finger just under his chin. "My love," he soothed him, "you don't even know what you're asking for. You've only been home an hour."

"But I-I don't...Ty..." His bottom lip trembled as he spoke, and now that his arm was free he once again rubbed nervously at his throat. Tyson had just started picking up on it, and all it made him think of was having to go pick up Elias from the hospital the first time, being told he'd been strangled. "P...please, Tyson. Hu-hurts."

"Look at you, Eli. You're shaking. Why don't we get you something to eat?"

"No!" He whined, looking rather afraid at his own outburst. "Tyson, I'm begging you-"

He froze when Tyson's hand replaced his own, fingers loose around his neck. "What is this, why do you keep doing that?"

Elias flinched a little at the harsh tone he used, then he relaxed into his hand. "I don't have my...uh...a collar. I'm not used to it yet, I guess."

"A collar?! Ugh, christ. Why would he..." He trailed off as he saw the sad, dejected wince pass over Elias's face. "Hey, no, it's not you, love. You did nothing wrong."

Elias nodded slowly, then straightened out his posture a little, taking a deep breath to reassure himself. "I'm sorry. I won't whine anymore."

Tyson was shocked by the quick change in demeanor, how, when Tyson's tone changed with him, Elias seemed to correct himself to not look so bothered, so ill. The way he carried himself was more thought out, like he was aware of every muscle in his body, how to present himself in a pleasant way. He stood up with a huff. "Ok, beautiful. Come on, I'll make you some food."

Elias let Tyson pull him up to his feet, then followed him to the kitchen. He was set down in a chair to watch and wait (and look pretty, don't forget to look pretty, Tyson keeps looking over at him and smiling softly but only when he remembers to be pretty). He ignored the burning need in his chest to be underneath the knife Tyson was using to cut up fresh fruit, or to be the water running over his hands as he washed the juice off. He was jealous that he couldn't be closer to him than he was, so jealous it hurt him. But he stayed in his place at the table, because it's where Tyson wanted him to be. And that's all that mattered.

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the-bjd-community-confess · 3 years

Text

More Divaz confos

Mod: Round two of these, previously: link. There’s some interesting customer reviews in this batch (5 and 8) which may be useful to readers.

1.Vic3mage "the secret bjdivaz vip group is just pictures of boxes coming in and going out". Yeah, between the bitching about d0llshe, asking people to post on doa for them, dunking on ex-customers, posting pics of random doll parts that they can't identify which doll they're supposed to go with, whining about how little money they make, whining when ppl e-mail them, whining. Yeah, other than that it's just boxes, and alpacas u can buy off amazon anyway lol.

~Anonymous

2.The butthurt users crying and guilttripping under every Divaz confession who have never been seen before elsewhere on this blog are extremely unsuspicious and unproblematic and definitely unconnected to Divaz and unbiased in every possible way

~Anonymous

3.idk shit abt bjd1vas but v1cemage i can absolutely tell you the shit about ch0o is 100% accurate, fucker's got a long, long history of being an awful little man that stretches well beyond his involvement in the doll community. between the two i'd still trust bjd1vas over ch00 ch00 the fool any day!

~Anonymous

4.The Z3st and Div4s thing is really silly and both entities were being shady but did they really have to take the DZ waiting room down with them? :( He had even made a separate thread about it......

~Anonymous

5. RE: BJD Divaz

I’ve been a customer of BJD Divaz since they first started, when it was only run by Chart3rline. I even contacted other BJD companies trying to persuade them to work with Divaz as their US representative. Most declined because they didnt like D's commission fee, but I was able to persuade a few of them.

I asked them to purchase a doll off DOA because I couldnt afford the asking price, and while they did, I found out later that instead of agreeing to purchase the seller's price, they negotiated the price to be lower. This significantly cheaper price was not passed down to me. I paid the full price +the commission fee based on that full price. I am disappointed I was not told this. This is when I stopped viewing them as a "friend" and instead, as a business. I dont hold this against them, it’s context to what Im going to say later.

I’ve stopped purchasing from D after my recent order from them. This company usually takes 3 or less months to make a doll. I’ve ordered the doll from D and it took 11 months. They let me know it arrived to them in March and that it will be shipped soon, except it only shipped on July, and only after I sent them several "reminder" emails. Before people in the comments try to put the blame on me for not sending a reminder soon, please keep in mind that I acknowledged the email in March and confirmed everything and they keep stressing to not send them emails because they are busy, I’ve emailed once every month since. I’ve since switched to ACBJD and Ive been happy with communication and the dolls ordered. I imagine ACBJD gets the same amount of emails, but they dont berate their customers if they email more than once.

I regret when people wanted a D0llshe, but not deal with him, I always recommended D. I would warn people of ordering directly and instead go through D. They assured buyers they would be handling communication and all the efforts so they wouldnt worry, except they didn’t. A person that I’ve recommended D to, who surpassed 2 years, keeps messaging me for help because D wouldnt reply to their emails. She is respectful, sweet and a timid person, not a Karen. This person, emailed D without a reply so would email a week later, only to be told that their email would be pushed down to the bottom if emailed again. No response, so she goes to FB and IG, who both tell her to email because they arent the person running orders. Finally got a response that they would get their refund, after D0llshe sends D's payment, but minus the PP fees. 3 months later and theres no refund, only a promise of them getting it later. Why is the customer missing out on fees when they have no doll? Customer emails d0llshe and he says he cant offer refund, because they didn’t order through them, which is understandable, but when all options are out for a customer, do you blame them for chargebacks?

If anyone files a chargeback, D will be blacklisting them from every company they rep, as in blacklisting you from buying direct from those companies. I urge everyone who has negative experiences with D to email the companies they rep instead of venting on confession blogs, and writing your experiences on social media. Make it count and send letters to the companies they represent, and please provide proof because they will try to make you out to be a liar.

Speaking of, they made vague posts on cl0ver singing for charging paypal fees, and that they offer guarantees as an official dealer, except when offering refunds, to non delivered products I might add, they are keeping the fees, and offered no help with d0llshe, even before they ended their dealership with them. Someone on DOA was told to not email them unless the wait time surpassed 1.5 years. They are even so petty that they post screenshots with the full name and address (dox) of the customer on purpose and then delete it out a day later as if they just realized their "mistake".

Before you try to make excuses for them about the fires, keep in mind, I am dealing with a business. The lower price negotiation with the DOA sale, I am in no way obligated to give them a pass or treat them as a friend when they made it clear that our relationship is strictly business. Their issues, are not my issues. D0lk got dragged for not shipping in time, others, including artisans, got dragged for being so late with communication and sending back refunds for cancelled orders. Why does D get to be exempt?

The supporters are the worst part of this, because of instead of being honest so D can improve, they support them for being "real". For example, look how micemage words it, to make it seem like this criticism is from one person, when there are people on addicts who didn’t have good experience. Check the bjd dealers tag here, you will see the supporters in the comments going off on any and all criticism of D. Some have sane comments, but the majority are cult like and try to identify the person venting as if it’s one person. Addicts deletes threads with criticism asking people to instead direct it to their feedback group; which lets be honest, no one is going to do because its "not that bad", and most dont want to join a new group, which is mostly dead.

This is my first and last confession on D, I’ve emailed each company they rep and told them my experience as well as contacting the 3 month wait company, with screenshots of my order, how they handled it, and the excuse they used to put blame on the company for being so late (package arrived march to D, 4 months to be shipped is on D, not the company). I’m not using company or order details because I know they are petty enough to try to identify me and publicly shame me like they have to others. This and the threat of suing is why not many people like to go public with their experience. They just keep feedback neutral, move on and never deal with again.

~Anonymous

6. Listen, I can't take you seriously in regards to BJD!vas because you're posting on a confession blog. If you were serious, you would have posted in buyer beware groups, DoA reviews or the board to get things resolved, or you would have made a complaint to the BBB. And your language makes you come off more as someone with an agenda rather than someone who is trying to warn people. If shipping is the issue, stop buying with standard shipping and pay the extra price for express shipping. I saw one of you complain that it sat with them for 20 days; that's probably because you're not the only one and they more than likely have a queue to check and then ship out. Do mistakes happen? Yes, because we're human. I've been in this hobby for a few years now and it seems like most people know you're going to have to wait, sometimes even outside the expected wait time. And shipping something as big as a doll is a timely endeavor. I shouldn't have to say that.

My point is simply to stop complaining on an confession board and either take it to the places previously mentioned. Posting here behind the anonymous mask makes you sound like a petulant child who didn't get their way right away.

~Anonymous

7.My only issue with BJD Divaz is how I never get any updates. Every email, they tell me to join their facebook page for status updates. I dont have a FB and I dont want to create one. I bought my doll through their website, updates should be posted on their website, or they could send me an email. That isnt asking much.

~Anonymous

8. Since there seems to be a lot of either "completely negative everything sucks" or "everything was sunshine and rainbows" confessions about bjd!vaz I thought I'd chime in with a neutral review.

PROS

-They were always polite and professional in their emails, and gave me very detailed answers to my questions.

-I got exactly what I ordered, so no mix ups or missing parts or anything like that.

-I think them being forthcoming about personal issues (only one person on staff, illness, the flooding isue etc.) on social media is good, since it keeps customers updated as to why there might be delays.

-If you live in the US their shipping is very reasonable.

CONS

-Reply times were varied. Sometimes it could take over a week, sometimes a couple hours.

-My order took about 10mo which, when comparing to other people who ordered through the same company around the same time, was about 3x as long as if I bought it direct and 2x as long if I had gone through a different dealer. I get some of the waiting time is out of their control, but it was kind of ridiculous.

-They dont necessarily ship the same day they send you a tracking number. I wish they said something like, "Here's your tracking number, our pickup is Xday so it should start moving after that" just so I could be aware.

All in all no major complaints. I got my doll and all that. Their lone employee is clearly overwhelmed. I hope they hire another person, if only to give the one a break.

Truthfully, I most likely won't buy through them again. I'd rather pay the international shipping and go direct, than deal with the extensive wait time. I'd still recommend them to someone looking for a very long layaway, though. I paid in full, but if I had a 12mo layaway I would've never known they weren't ready to ship my doll until month 10.

~Anonymous

#BJD #ABJD #BJD Confessions #TrueBJDConfessions #BJD Dealers

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