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oetscop · 1 month

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hey! absolutely love your art and your rainer interpretation- can you talk about your headcanons lore-wise involving rainer and mike? honestly you can talk about more than just those two as well i'm very curious about your interpretations honestly.

YOOO I LOVE UR RAINER ALSO thank u.....

this will hopefully not be complete word salad. bc my brains fried already, but my views on petscop characters are esoteric and best and downright incomprehensible at worst. so idk how legible this will be JDKSHSKSBSK

uhh ill start with like. jill is significantly older than anna and lina. rainers actually fairly close in age to anna.

rainers biological dad isnt in the picture and actually went missing a few years after him and jill divorced. it runs in the family i guess. but since tom was there longer hes only ever called him dad, and both jill and him took the last name hammond when they got married. and mike was actually an accident! a welcome one tho. jill and tom were in their 40s and rainer was like 16 or so.

they were very close tho! he was very close with his immediate family. for the brief time he was in college he still lived at home despite the commute.

mike would sit and watch him work on the game all the time. he wanted him to teach him how to code (thats why he created the "petscop kids" after school program! at first anyway...) but 5-6 year olds dont exactly have the attention span for explaining how the dev kit console works. unless theyre belle i guess. but he did get into art! and considering rainers also an artist he encouraged it. mike would sometimes draw his own pets to be put in the game, but since it never went past evencare they never showed up. he did sorta base toneth on mike, and that was before he based any of the other pets on other family members.

mike went missing shortly after rainers mental health was declining. he ran away after some argument with his mom, and nobody remembers what the argument was even about. since this was after marvin hit the dog with the car, and he was beginning to experience psychosis, he immediately made the connection and believed marvin had something to do with it. the cops found it a little suspicious that rainer somehow just knew he had been struck by a car, and he was the only suspect for quite a while. tom had to vouch for him pretty hard and get him a lawyer.

as for vaguer things. the newmaker plane was started in an attempt to find out where mike wouldve run to. he was already recording movements in game, so he put all of mikes in game behaviors into a to scale version of their town, trying to train it to show him where he couldve gone. this obviously didnt work. didnt help that it was completely flat terrain and like had only their house, the marks house, the school and like a couple roads. it actually lead him to the opposite side of the town than where his body was located.

marvin is ALSO severely mentally ill and was convinced that care was lina reborn before any of this happened. obviously anna didnt believe that since shes still. yknow. alive. but rainer introduced the A/B/NLM concept to him, and they both began to believe care was just lina A reborn. pre traumatic event lina. they were both trying to see if they could somehow force something like that to occur, in an attempt to bring mike A back. when belle didnt work, they figured she was too old, so they moved to care. part of this whole "changing your past" thing involved plucking out her eyebrows (lina A had trich) and essentially trying to reenact aforementioned traumatic event. thats why marvin kidnapped her to keep her in the school. and it didnt work! just traumatized the fuck outta the kid. they never had the chance to do anything to "bring mike back" by the end of it, which lead to Bathroom Tomb Event. however, last belle heard, he was pretty certain paul was actually mike A. she tried her best to keep that from paul before they became distant.

i feel like the core of a lot of this is that i really dont believe that the rebirthing process does anything at all. with enough manipulation you may start developing false memories, sure, but its not actually working. in retrospect it makes rainers character a lot sadder. just a terrified kid trying in vain to bring his baby brother back. its not easy losing someone so young in such a horrible way without knowing who took his life.

BUT UUHHH YEAH ^}^ can you tell ive been thinking abt petscop pretty much nonstop since the end of 2022 i bet you cant

#THIS IS SO MUCH MORE THSN JUST MIKE AND RAINER SJSJSJSIEUIEGE #i dont even like. know where all of this shit came from ill be honest #ive got so many abt paul and all the leskowitzes its not even funny. ive just been thinking abt rainer way more lately #petscop #petscop rainer #rainer hammond #headcanons

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westrangecollectionkoalaposts · 1 year

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Think about how fucked up the mating bond is, people get bonded to whoever tf the magic chooses for them considering only how much powerful you are and that your kids will be powerful as fuck, and if you don't like them or some shit happened between you two earlier, sorry but the chances of you ending up with said person in a toxic relationship are still high, look at how many toxic bonds we saw:

we have tamlin's family, his father and brothers were worse than the vanserras and his mom and father were mated, so it didn't matter how much shit his father was, the mom just accepted that.

feysand's bond, fucked up as fuck. after all rhysand put feyre through during UTM, we get to acomaf (and there is also that stupid ring quest, imagine if she died..) where he gives her a long ass sad background story and she just accepted it.... yet if she wasn't his mate she would be pretty much death in book 1, and oh wait, let's not forget the fact he hid life threatening information about her pregnancy, and like, she is still with him as if nothing had happened.

nessian bond! also fucked up, we have cassian watching nesta fall the stairs and be like "haha i watched bc if get to the end, i would have to take you back upstairs, also you fell bc you didnt train so it is all YOUR fault", cassian telling her everybody hates her, cassian doesn't understand how her sisters love her, cassian taking her to a hike bc she (25 years old) was the only one between all those 500+ years old bitches who had balls to tell feyre she was gonna die before christmas, makes her carry a bag that is a third of her weight (lets say she is 1,75m and weights 60kg, she was carrying around 20kg and according to a search in google, a hiking backpack shouldn't weight more than 10 percent of the person's weight, which in this case Nesta should be carrying 6kg and not more than that...) during this hike. He has sex with her after she gets sexual assaulted by a mythical creature, he gets butthurt when she says a fact about riceman, gets angry when she gets uncomfortabled about the fact he wants everyone to know they share bed (and he literaly says exactly that), like, he even says that he didn't choice to be shackled to her, that means he wouldn't choice her => he wouldn't be with her if there wasn't a bond. During acosf we see that he knows shit about her and he doesnt even like her but he stilld wants her exclusively bc of the bond and nesta is molded and treated like shit until submission so she can fit him and his family. Let's not forget that whatever thing nesta disagres, cassian get like "is that because i am a bastard low born nobody and my ass is flat?". Also from a logic point of view (considering the power thing and that the cauldron chooses who you are mated with and it blessed elain with gifts and got angry at nesta bc she took its power) wouldn't make more sense if nesta ended up with a high lord/high lord heir or azriel? nesta is powerful as fuck, powerful to the point rhysand, a pOWErfuLl high lord (take his telepathy away and he is in the same level as the other high lords) struggles to contain her power, she is in the same level of a high lord, and i know cassian had 7 siphons but it is azriel who has not only 7 siphons but is also a shadowsinger, they are poweful but not in the same level as a high lord/nesta yet azriel at least has a special power, so between them two azriel is more logical, and in a general point of view, a high lord/heir... (i repeat, this bond was a curse threw at nesta)

drakon and miryam, too fucked up, she was a slave, that was given to him as gift from his bride/wife/girlfriend whatever. she was a slave, and half human, and during this time humans were all slaves. and drakon, prince, faerie... she was with jurian then somehow she fell in love with drakon(?) i don't remember their story properly, but i am pretty sure that if there wasn't a mating bond, they would not have any relationship. I honestly find this one too weird/absurd that I even have a theory that drakon is daemanti and manipulated miryam to ''love'' him (pretty much like rhysand seems to be doing/did to feyre... maybe that is why drakon and rhysand were friends or something, drakon taught him the telepathy things)

vs non-toxic:

Lucien and Elain, they aren't together, elain doesn't want to get close to lucien and he respects it, lucien doesn't force himself into her, keeps his distance s he is aware she is not comfortable, he let her know they are bonded from the beginning as opposite to some people up there...

Kallias and viviane - we didn't see much about them but considering they were friends since young age, so we are supposed to assume they are good...

Honestly if i was faerie i would be afraid of having a mate.

#anti feysand #anti nessian #anti acosf #anti acowar #anti acomaf #i probably forgot someone. as usual #lucien vanserra #kallias #nesta archeron #anti cassian

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theosconfessions · 4 months

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For the emoji OC ask game and character of your choice: 🍼, 🍄, 🍉, 🥭, 🍕, 🍯, 🧀, 🥑, 🌸, 🍆, 🥔

Dustin Stephens

🍼 [BABY BOTTLE] What's your OC's first memory?

Dustin: i think my moms face..just carrying me somewhere. [smirks] feeling all protected and shit. that wasnt the case as i got older. but i hope that my babies have a safe memory to look back on too as their first memory. im curious now ill have to ask them

🍄 [MUSHROOM] How likely is your OC to eat random berries/mushrooms they find?

Dustin: no no 0/10.. my husband though....would and has done..so i guess i dont need to [laughs]

🍉 [WATERMELON] What will your OC take to the grave?

Dustin: well something that theo doesnt know is that i did have someone i was seeing in the time that we were apart. i just never brought it up because it was just like some fling you know.. to try and get over him which absolutely failed because all i could do was think of him

🍍 [PINEAPPLE] Pineapple on pizza or not?

Dustin: im sorry but OKAY IM DOWN.

🍕 [PIZZA SLICE] How good is your OC at sharing? How do they share something if there's not enough supply?

Dustin: well with my husband im apparently so good at sharing and i never knew it [shakes head ] that being said if i have control over something im not sharing it. i think maybe thats why. it all stemmed from theo [laughs] jesus christ.

🍯 [HONEY] At what point does someone seem sickly sweet to your OC?

Dustin: i think when the compliments are just like over the top then im suspicious you know ?? like maybe im reading the question wrong and i obviously have some trust issues but im like okay thats suspicious.

🧀 [CHEESE WEDGE] How often does your OC get into situations that rely on pure luck/miracles happening?

Dustin: oh my god. ME when i was younger. nowadays not so much because i have two young twins that i have to be like on my shit for but when i was younger? FUCK ALL OF THE TIME.

🥑 [AVACADO] What will they never back down about, even if it makes them seem bad?

Dustin: i think over the years i had to defend myself and why exactly i stayed married to theo for so long. and we werent together the whole time i did leave him but the fact that we came back together and we had the twins looked OFF to a lot of my family. i get that. i do . theo didnt want a commitment and we stayed married long past we probably shouldve.. but i think one of things i will never back down about is that when he came back into our lives... he made himself WORTHY of having me . i didnt make it easy on him and i know it seems like im just being stepped on by him at leats to my friends it does but its not the case. and i kinda hope to explain that as time goes on.what happend. why were' back together and why we have the twins.

🌸 [CHERRY BLOSSOM] Does your OC believe in legends/myths?

Dustin: oh my god fuck yeah. you will not catch me in the appalachian mountains.byeeeee

🍆 [EGGPLANT] How are they used by others? How easily are they tricked into this?

Dustin : [smirks]

🥔 [POTATO] What do they have that others see as a flaw, but they don't care about?

Dustin: my trust. i think people think i give too many chances but i only do that if i think you deserve it you know.that being said i warn my kids now.. do not do as i do .

thank you for the questions love! i really loved doing this with dusty! after scarletts bc im going to expand on dustins sides of things some more. where the twins came from all that .

#dustin not answering the eggplant question but his thoughts say THEOOOOO haha #ask game #dustin stephens

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rewritingcanon · 11 months

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ok here are some of the one part melbourne hpcc play highlights (part one only because i need to make two seperate posts… they’re too long together) in an attempted chronological order:

part one

first off, why so many dilfs? like not to be like this person about a family friendly play but seriously harry? draco? RON? RON RON RON OH MY GOD 🧎‍♀️ michael whalley please one chance

ron’s voice was very… mhmm. it was good.

harry got more attractive as he got more depressed too..

and also draco’s buttons and cuffs were sparkling and he had many silver rings on his fingers. ill leave it at that

anyways if we were to talk about actual content: the first train carriage scene was so gold omg. right before it started - karl sat down in scorpius’s carriage, seemed to realise who he was sitting with and then immediately this look of horror crossed over his face and he BOLTED away 😭😭 he ended up sitting with james sirius and craig loll

yann and polly were in a carriage together the cuties

also polly was in bicycle shorts the whole time. it was like a cloak and then just black bicycle shorts fr. idk if the actress just didnt have her pants or sum because i found out later that she was a cover (which is CRAZY because she played myrtle and polly so extremely well, she literally sounded exactly like myrtle im not kidding, aisha aidara has so much talent fr)

rose hostile side eye at scorpius when him and albus are talking for the first time i swearrrr shes so funny she was literally like this the entire time

rose looked so pleased with herself when she said “the rumour is that hes voldemort’s son! ☺️☺️” then she realises that both scorp and al are extremely uncomfortable and goes “😧😧😧well its not like its true! 😰 you clearly have a nose 😝” shes so funny bro

when albus was sorted into slytherin craig seemed to be the only one (besides scorpius) excited about it but then composed himself when he saw everyone else’s reactions

in wand dance (which is still the funkiest song of the whole score)— albus’s movement with his cloak wasnt as graceful as everyone else’s transitions in the dance, like he was messing up even that. he was more flinging it then twirling it around and his expression was one of a constant state of annoyance, like he’s aware he’s always messing up but he can’t change it because he doesn’t know how to. its why im grateful for sitting so close to the stage because i don’t think i would’ve recognised this (and other later acting i’ll talk about)

in between the first and second year with draco and harry mirroring each other was not gone unnoticed but was funny asf still.

like here’s harry trying to talk to his kid when karl runs up with his whole belly out wanting an autograph

and then you have draco who yann walks by once and he’s immediately glaring this boy down. like yann literally started ZOOMING AWAY 🏃‍♂️💨 bc draco’s intimidation tactics are so intense

scorpius sniffs rose twice whilst trying to flirt with her. w rizz.

the scene with amos, harry and albus was just ungh *chef’s kiss*

you can literally see the plan forming in albus’s head as he listens to them and his anger at his dad as he’s listening to them, harry’s discomfort at lying to amos whilst also being put to blame for cedric’s death yet again and amos’ bumbling confused pain. like idk george henare plays amos so well it was literally painful to watch

delphi’s eye makeup was so slay. tbh everything about her character was amazing

idk why i just noticed it but delphi literally acts like scorpius when her and albus first meet. awkward, unassuming, clumsy and nonthreatening and seemingly very sweet and funny. hmm.

if you take into account that she was in the background during the 9 3/4 scenes and have the opinion that she was planning on meeting albus for years, and observing him and his family the entire time, then she probably also purposefully tried to mimic the only person albus was known for getting along with, which was scorpius. HMMMM.

when delphi first meets harry she was smiling at him and looking at him with these wide eyes that can be mistaken for awe but as soon as she and amos were out of his line of sight and were leaving the stage she stopped smiling immediately but continued to look at him. the focus lights were off her and the scene was already changing but I NOTICED and it was fucking ominous

i could see how some of the effects worked when sitting up close. for instance i know that the incendio flames and the consequent fire were from tubes that were set into the pillars of st jeromes church. i could see some of the strings when things were flying around. bane’s two-body centaur was more noticeable and less smooth. when ron got kissed by the dementor i thought he was kissing back because he was discreetly holding the dementor by the waist 😭😭 then i realised he was hooking himself onto the dementor to be carried off

BUT there were some tricks that even i literally couldn’t explain and the one that comes to mind is when harry and ginny appeared in the bed during the post-nightmare bedroom scene. like how tf did that happen?? how????? i literally cannot think of anything besides the the actor and actress hiding in the mattress and then emerging BECAUSE LITERALLY HOW ELSE

ginny and harry slandering dumbledore in the bedroom scene 🫶🫶

draco looking at the audience like he’s ryan in the office every time harry says something. especially during the scene in the ministry meeting where harry says his scar is hurting. bro was so done with him.

when albus and scorpius were escaping the hogwarts express scorpius attempted to climb out onto the train’s roof first and he was sticking his leg out and pulling back in, and then sticking his leg out and pulling back in and then he turns to albus like 😧🫴 “i have never done this before bro” look on his face so albus pushes him away and just yanks himself out 💀

“my son is missing” “SO IS MINE” so good, the line delivery was perf

you know i’ve heard lots of people go on and on about how nyx calder plays the perfect scorpius and i totally get the hype now. even the way he stands is accurate to how i envision scorpius. and he’s always fidgeting with his hands, giving this impression of a cute little dorky german boy. his posture is always super straight and his hands are usually clasped which makes him look proper but awkward and very sweet, i love him, very superb acting through body language

speaking of which when amos was roasting the shit out of albus, scorpius looked so terrified. he was gripping albus’s robes and trying to pull him away 😭

“go to your room” being the first thing out of scorpius’s mouth to albus as soon as he’s polyjuiced as harry 💀

ron/albus tried to hide with scorp and delphi when hermione and harry were coming and they pushed him out of the office forcibly 😭😭

albus/ron was the number one instigator that whole scene was fucking funny and it was the first time i could watch it without cringing

when ron blocked the door from hermione he squatted and started t-posing in front of the door and went “im 🕺not🕺blocking🕺anything.” this whole scene was probably the funniest part of the play especially the “I WANT ANOTHER BABY OR A HOLIDAY AND I WILL INSIST ON IT”

also the line where hermione is like “there better not be another stink pellet in there” to ron/albus is replaced by “there better not be another romantic firework display in there” i love them sm

when ron/albus said to hermione that she married ron because of his “puckish sense of fun,” he was saying it a little flatly with this big awkward smile on his face and he was double thumbs-upping her. it looked so fourteen year old core lmfaooo

scorpius started hyperventilating on the ground when delphi and albus got swallowed by the book case and literally started crawling on all fours like *pat pat pat* cmon scorpius *pat* think!! *pat pat*

scorpius standing in between both albus and delphi talking… farther off in the forbidden forest as they were laughing. he looked so defensive like his hands were clenched and his whole body was tense, and when delphi said “wizzo” it seemed to snap scorpius out of whatever he was thinking and he went up to them and said (very sharply, mind you) “what’s wizzo?” like that’s HIS catchphrase. bro was jealoussssss heheeehehe

and when albus quizzed delphi instead of scorpius like usual, scorpius looked like he had been slapped

then when delphi said “im flattered but do you honestly think i can pass as a student” to albus scorpius started shaking his head aggressively and not so inconspicuously doing the cut-it-out hand gesture to albus 😭😭

when delphi kissed albus, scorpius flinched… and then slowly put his own cheek out and delphi literally was like “mmm no” 😭

scorpius said “you look sweaty and red” to albus after the kiss, it didnt sound light-hearted like the other times it did when i saw the play, but accusatory. hmm. interesting.

scorpius also said “sweaty and red” instead of “pale and red” like the script and i might be biased and reading too much into it, but i was thinking about why they might change something so minuscule. maybe because “sweaty” gives a grosser connotation then “pale,” and i genuinely think in this revised version of the play albus isn’t supposed to have a crush on delphi

when scorpius and albus are alone together looking at the school, and talking about how beautiful it is and how they each view their lives at present, scorpius was looking out at the view the whole time but halfway through the scene albus stops looking at the view and starts looking at scorpius instead!!! um!!! with this very soft look on his face as well, until they’re interrupted by hearing their parents come. guys. im not kidding. its so gay usually but up close the play is even worse my jaw was dropping.

albus’s “ZORRY HERZMIONE I ZINK HE HAZ GOZZEN YOU MIZZED WIZZ ZUMUN ELZZZE” in bad german accents and scorpius’s very manly, very loud “YEZZZZ 👹💪”

when albus and scorpius got caught by harry and co. albus went “hi dad 😙” and his voice was so high, bro was scared 😭😭

i have to think about whether i miss gryffindor albus or not. maybe. i think i kinda do bc it shows how albus being a loser isn’t dependent on his house (and neither is his connection to scorpius). but yeah that whole plotline was scrapped and albus just remained in slytherin in this timeline.

when harry told albus to stay away from scorpius, harry tried to leave it at that and leave but albus started to chase harry out of the hospital because bro was that desperate. his feet were literally bare (im pretty sure this is in the script too but seeing it live is so… god.)

the seperate scene where ron and hermione meet each other in private at the top of the staircase is merged with the scene where albus meets the new not-funny ron. and they both meet on top of the staircase with the light spotlighting them, and its very clear that they are in love with each other

hermione is about to walk off when ron calls her back and she immediately turns around and goes right back to him, her face is so happy 😭

and its so sad because this whole scene mirrors scorpius and albus so exactly in the staircase ballet. like if not in love, why mirroring ron and hermione throughout the play? (even in dark world, which i’ll get into later…)

anyways, staircase ballet: scorpius and albus stare at each other total of three times. and when i mean stare, i mean the light reflects off of them and they are frozen in prolonged silence (longing). once when the staircases meet, another when albus is on the ground and scorpius is at the top of the staircase, unreachable from him. last time is when the staircases stop at a cross section, and they’re standing, looking at each other. and from my angle i could see albus’s face the best, and i feel like it could be interpreted by either seeming apologetic or desperate, either way there was this very pleading look on his face.

they both froze when the saw each other and still look on the verge of moving to one another and then the staircases move off as soon as scorpius starts walking towards him.

albus looks so disappointed because HE WANTED SCORP TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE because he’s too scared to do it himself. he ends up just sitting on the staircase and dropping his bag beside him in defeat, and looking away. scorpius still stands and watches albus go off. yah its as queer as i remember it. glad this wasnt cut.

draco was fixing and adjusting the furniture whilst duelling harry. idk if the furniture just wasnt on the mark on stage but it was fucking adorable. he kept fixing the chairs up and then patting it nervously ☹️ idc if it wasn’t intentional it seemed in character to me for him to just be a total busybody even in the midst of a duel

ginny’s micro-expressions at draco when he talks about how lonely he felt at school were amazing. harry looked a little uncomfortable when he was speaking but ginny looked really sympathetic to him, and draco notices this and thats why he speaks on “i know you must feel the same ginny” and shes like “i do” which immediately changes harry’s discomfort to shock, then i feel like he starts taking draco seriously

seen the play three times and during the fight scene with scorpius and albus, scorpius has acted differently each time. first time, scorpius was literally sobbing when talking to him, second time he was literally screaming at him in anger, third time he was just disappointed asf in him. i think this time was the best for his characterisation but god it hurt each time

mcgonagall’s “if i didn’t see you, then i didn’t see you” and she does this big over-exaggerated shrug and starts creeping away like a cartoon character to insinuate to albus and scorpius that shes leaving. i love her 😭

also when albus and scorpius were talking about their next plan i realised their bags are so different: albus has this raggedy big ass brown messenger bag and scorpius has this shiny, small, flashy, zesty little pouch. there are two types of gays.

myrtle was literally hitting on scorpius lmfao scorpius was just like 😨 the entire time

and of course myrtle’s “hello draco 😏 heloooooo harryyy 😻” nah because i get her

craig is such a fucking busy body he was trying to manage harry, ginny, draco AND mcgonagall and only stopped when draco pushed him away and death glared him 😭

erm why was umbridge hot asf. idfk the dark world looks really good on her guys

here’s part two

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beatricebidelaire · 5 days

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the baudelaires met a bunch of adults who were all like, oh i remember your mother and i used to do this together, oh your mother used to say this, i want to steal from you the way beatrice stole from me (actually this part is interesting bc obviously the baudelaires knew esme's talking about their mother, but back when the books were coming out, when tee was first published, the readers didn't know. like from the baudelaires standpoint in didnt make a difference but for the readers - we see esme never says your mother (only beatrice) but jerome only says your mother (never beatrice)) but im digressing because what i wanted to say was. these people were doing that and then dewey denouement drops down in the middle of the night making a dramatic entrance and before he even introduces himself he's like your father and i used to recite poetry to recognize each other. before he even introduced himself.

btw kit did talk about both (the ribbon thing in tpp, the apple thing in te) (yes i know the fandom doesn't exactly have a consensus wrt the ribbon quote abt who exactly is that referring to but u know where i stand on that one) (to me it's bertrand)

anyway. im just. dewey and bertrand!!! (he also mentioned beatrice, ofc, but it's like "your parents used to call me sub-sub-librarian" which is also about bertrand. and then there is "there are worse things than theft" which might count, but esme mentioned beatrice first at that time and he was responding)

(of course, i think they must be close enough if beatrice knows about dewey's secret existence, and in fact i think this sort of implies, for me at least, they have to be familiar to a degree with frank and ernest as well, even if neither of them did mention either b&b to the kids)

#vera.txt #dewey denouement #bertrand baudelaire #beatrice baudelaire #brotp: we recite poems to recognize each other in disguise #brotp: there are worse things than theft

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biquinntile · 1 month

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TLDR: My biggest frustration being a late-diagnosed autistic is getting my brain to re-frame any of my behaviors. I’m having trouble figuring out how to help myself.

I was abused growing up, including some medical abuse, but my mom knew I had ADHD and lied to me and convinced me I didn’t. She never got a diagnosis but would ask me questions like “What are you, autistic?” I didn’t really understand what either of these terms meant back in 2012 when I was 13/14. So of course I said no, not even realizing until later that this was a rhetorical question (I am sighing so hard rn).

Fast forward to now, me age 26, being recently diagnosed as a person with ADHD and Autism. I spent my entire life up until now masking but even that feels like a weird word to use because it was never intentional. If I had needs not being met, I would find a way to get them met without talking to anyone or I would ignore them/push them away so that I “didnt have” that need anymore. In social situations, I made a lot of mistakes and found myself being very confused…so I would avoid being social altogether, or I would drill myself relentlessly before and after any social situation…and I mean any social situation. I remember people always criticizing me for “taking the long way” or not taking the most efficient route, but for me the “most efficient” route has never given me the results I wanted. It felt like I was a robot who had to constantly tinker with my own parts, with the goal being that one day I would be able to exist with other people naturally the way they do with each other. Not a robot, a person.

It’s very difficult to wrap my head around this not being a plausible goal anymore. I spent so long doing what was more difficult to mask symptoms I didn’t know I was masking. I spent my entire life operating under the belief that everybody was trying as hard as me to deal with sensory and socialization and all that jazz, it’s just that I was too weak to do it as well as they did. And it didn’t matter because I was doomed to fail.

I’m really working hard to not have such negative beliefs about being neurodivergent but it’s difficult bc in my brain I always hoped that one day I would just suddenly flip a switch and things would be easier. I would understand people and they would understand me. I wouldn’t spend weeks (if not months) obsessing over one singular topic. When I look back on moments where the autism was probably showing, I have all these memories of my parents calling me aggressive/angsty/spoiled/stupid/lazy/sensitive/etc. My stepdad would always say “You can’t be that stupid” and in my head, I would say “Well I guess I fucking am.”

All this to say, I have a lot of trouble now even recognizing when I’m doing a form of “masking” because it is so ingrained in me, and had I not done it, I would have faced worse abuse than I already had been facing. It took me until I was 24 to realize I was wearing a size too small in shoes because I believed a level of discomfort was just always a part of life, for EVERYONE not just me. I recently realized that I am not capable of crying in front of other people, even people I care about and trust, because when I used to cry people would find my reasoning trivial or tell me that I was too sensitive and they would (and I wish I was kidding) laugh or make fun of me. That is a silly thing to make fun of someone for, I know now, but I’m not sure how to change the behavior. I find day after day that there are a million things I’ve been overcompensating for or putting up with that I thought was normal or I thought I needed to do to keep up with everyone else (no wonder I feel so tired all the fucking time damn).

All this to say, I’m not even exactly sure what autistic symptoms I have or how to tackle them or even really how masking works entirely. I feel like I don’t know anything about myself. I don’t know how to help myself. Where do I even start? People keep throwing this “high-functioning” term at me, which I guess is fair, but I also feel like my bones ache at all times and I have constant rapid-fire anxious thoughts filling up my brain and I constantly feel like everyone on the earth is touching me and crowding me, even when I’m alone in my room. So I guess if I can keep pushing myself through those feelings, I’ll be fine and functioning fine but I don’t really think I can do that anymore.

Any advice or reading material would be greatly appreciated. Sorry if I didn’t explain things well. I’m trying my best out here

#autism #neurodivergent #late diagnosed autistic #audhd #actually autistic #autistic adult #idk man

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fleshdyke · 1 year

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in honour of april fool’s day (even though its over in my timezone) and also the amount of insane shit that goes on in my life im gonna list a bunch of things that have happened to me and i want you to guess which one is a lie. i would make this a poll but i dont have those yet

when i was like 7-ish i went to the zoo with my neighbor and went to this bird show they put on and i got to race with like 20 other kids against 15 i think turkey vultures. in a footrace. the vultures outran every single one of us. also the zookeeper lady said “don’t trip and fall or they’ll start eating you!” and it scared the shit out of me

when i was in grade 3 i went on a field trip for school and on the bus home my bus driver literally got arrested for drunk driving. with like 30 8 year olds on the bus. it was like 2:45 and we (all age 8) had to stand outside for almost an hour in november. also it was like three blocks away from the school and my house was literally across the street. the distance back to school was very walkable but for some reason they made us wait for another bus to come pick us up and take us back. but the bus was one of those ones that went to each house individually and the neighborhood it operated in was literally across the main street from my school and for some reason instead of taking 5 minutes to drop us off first they made us wait an additional half hour dropping all the other kids off at home before taking us home. then i had to walk almost a km home anyways

also when i was in grade 3 we all had to take a diagnostic test to see if we could get into the gifted program. i got one (1) below the threshold for getting into it and i was so pissed. like two weeks later they changed the score you had to get to get in so they invited everyone who got close to do it again and i got a higher score than i did before but then i STILL got one below because they raised it. in hindsight i’m glad i didn’t get in because i know it would have been bad for me but i’m still so pissed about it bc of the principle of it

literally my first day working at the aviary there was a snake in one of the birds’ feeders just chilling there. we spent like half an hour trying to catch it and it scared the absolute shit out of like 7 birds

i was a niche internet microcelebrity on reddit when i was literally 12

when i was in grade 8 we had a water hydraulics project and my class was a split class with mostly 7th graders so my teacher just sort of left us alone with a bucket of little tube syringes while she did something else with the grade 7s. then i found 3 actual needles in the bucket for some reason. one of them was in that little wrapper but the other two were just loose in the bucket that we were rummaging around in. i went out to tell my teacher bc she was in a different room and she literally told me she didn’t care and to leave her alone bc she was working with the 7s (they were reading a textbook). i was like ??? but i didnt know what else to do so i just went back into the room to keep working. then this one guy grabbed one of the open needles and stabbed two different girls with the same one like uhhh what the fuck. i went out to go tell my teacher that two people had been stabbed by the same needle and she told me she didn’t care AGAIN like GIRL. honestly i wasn’t too worried about the girls because they both bullied me honestly but yk. then later the teacher came in and berated us for not telling her like I LITERALLY DID TWICE im still so mad about that honestly

when my mom and i were watching the last two episodes of ofmd together (this was before i came out) when ed and stede kissed she turned around and looked directly at me

i was in scouts when i was younger and there was exactly 5 people in my troop and it was me, 2 of my friends (one of them ended up being one of the girls that bullied me and got stabbed with a needle in grade 8), and two boys that i absolutely fucking hated. one time one of the boys said i was dumb and i threw a rock at him

when i was in kindergarten during recess i had to shit really bad and i asked the teacher on duty to let me go inside and she refused so i asked the other teacher to let me in and she didnt have keys. i tried to hold it but i could not go inside and i was 4 so i shit my pants and i was absolutely never a kid who had accidents so i didn’t know what to do and i was so embarrassed i just tried to ignore it. i just walked around for the rest of recess with a massive shit in my pants. when recess ended the teacher told us to come sit down on the carpet in a circle. you can guess what happened next

last year i had a substitute teacher for math and i ticced fuck while she was handing something out and for some reason she refused to believe me when i said i had tics. she sent me to the vice principal’s office and he didn’t believe me at first that i didn’t know what i was there for because she had sent me down for lying to him. when he did realize that i actually didn’t know what was going on he told me that she sent me down for disciplinary action so yk. he walked me back up to my class and took the teacher out in the hall to talk to her and i was losing my fucking mind with my friends for like 15 minutes while she was getting an absolute dressing down for not believing me. then when she came back in i was expecting an apology at the very least and she literally didnt. we waited for like 10 minutes and she said nothing. then my friend actually raised her hand and said she owed me an apology and this old lady started fighting for her LIFE. also she was only a little bit polite to my white friend who was standing up for me but didnt have an OUNCE of respect for either of my other friends who were standing up for me who were black and mohawk. like literally what the hell. my friend did record it though and i have that video now so

when i finally came out to my mom i was literally in a costco parking lot. my brother was in the car and he already knew bc he just guessed it ages ago and i said “did you know one in three people are gay” and my mom said “yeah i know”. also i made a cake for my dad bc he wasn’t there and he said “when do we make the ‘we know’ muffins”

i made my 13th birthday cake and right after i finished frosting it i dropped the entire thing on the ground

when i was like 4 i made a mess of paper in the kitchen and my mom told me to clean it up so i went in there and ate all of the paper

in grade 5 my teacher found out i was self harming and for some reason she decided to talk to me about it while we were doing kindergarten buddies. my kindergartener was literally just left alone in the room. i dont know why she decided to use that time

when we were selling my old house it was during covid so we had to leave during all the open houses and one time we came back from driving around the city during one and i went to the bathroom and there was a puddle of piss on the floor. some lady brought her toddler in and she pissed on the floor and she tried to clean it up with toilet paper but for some reason put it in the garbage instead of the toilet so the whole room smelled like piss

in grade 7 i was walking home from school with my partner and i guess i ate something bad and i ended up shitting my pants halfway home

someone here called me a terrorist for lying about gay sex in bathrooms

#some of you already know these for sure #theres more i just cant think of any right now #rambles #long post #best

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havocspiral · 24 days

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do you have any evidence about shittyclive being a groomer? genuine question

im glad you asked because he literally groomed me!

note for all of this i am going to be using he/him, i don't keep up with him enough to know exactly what pronouns he uses, if its anything different please tell me and ill update this post. he may be a groomer but im not a twat. also please be patient because my chronological memory is Horrible so i may not remember things in the correct order, but i have all of this written down and i Know that all of this happened

this all happened bc of a server i made called DAAC in ~May 2020 - that's where i met neil and also his friend K (not gonna name em but iykyk), along w a few other people. most of the ppl in that server were obsessed w sexualising me, especially neil. im not abt to put my age on the internet but it was. yknow. not fun, and everyone in that server knew my age btw because i trusted them and did not think that all This would happen (he also drew nsfw stuff and showed it to me)

anyway to cut a very long and unimportant story short, dated a guy, he was crazy, broke up w him and he stalked me march 2021 to ~july 2021, in that time neil attempted to pose as a sort of "protector" and in his OWN WORDS a father figure. side note my stepdad died in feb 2021 and i grieved too much and he dropped a frankly quite ass song abt it but i digress. yeah we got really close knit we were a "father-son" duo and when i tell you the ONLY THING HE TALKED ABOUT WAS SEX i wish i was kidding but our only topics were him telling me abt what he wants to do to his man of the month or how hes suicidal and AGAIN, absolutely inappropriate at the age i was. this lasted for so long that i began to break down entirely and becoming suicidal, also resorting to drinking and hurting myself, even going to crisis teams along with missing a LOT of school because i had become entirely dependent on him. basically he had me on a leash and was using me as a crisis hotline AND a sex hotline. i tried to cut him off multiple times in an emotional state and this obviously wasn't the best thing i couldve done but i literally saw no other choice. oh also during this time he suggested i have DID and i had a counselor for my stepdads death and. god damn he may be a weirdo but he was correct there ill give him that (he did also try to recount my trauma to work out how i worked as a system which. i shouldnt even have to explain how thats just odd)

(another thing i just remembered he sent inappropriate pictures to me and my friend, ill put her recount of it at the end of this)

one day i spoke to K, realised that was i was doing was wrong and attempted to talk about the situation with neil to which he was like. oh yeah i cant do this anymore bye and when i went to tell K he did the same. this was when i was in school which was rare, i just entirely broke down (also worth mentioning every time he told me about being suicidal i mentioned getting a therapist but he said he couldn't and i would also get all shaky and sob uncontrollably and basically be unable to function THATS HOW BAD THE DEPENDENCY WAS) and i had to be picked up bc it was that bad

i texted his instagram begging for at least and explanation and that i loved him and wanted to talk to him again (<- so manipulated it was insane) and he was like yeah but only on weekends and i felt such STRONG RELIEF and then when i went to sleep he went sike lol bye

remember the bf from earlier? yeah he faked his identity multiple times so i (at the time) was used to keeping tabs on people since. stalking. and i didn't want the guy to get the jump on me. so i kept tabs on neil for a bit, which i do regret and am sorry for, and one day he just disappeared? and honestly? i celebrated. also the ex from earlier faked his death multiple times so neils attempt at faking it this way was a dig at that specific incident. it didnt really work because i think about a day ish later he admitted to my friend (the same one from earlier, ill call her V) that he did it and wasnt dead

then he "apologised" to me and while i may not have screenshots for the most part he mentions what he did in the apology which is just. outright admission FROM HIM about what he did. he also admitted the apology was a total lie on his blog which i find funny because he frames it as a "gotcha" when i didnt even accept the apology?

also found out from an anonymous person who knew neil that apparently hes meeting up w people and also is violent w his friends which. ew

ok heres the evidence

(censored parts are for my own safety)

#professor layton clive #professor layton #neilsshades #lemonade-luvr #shittyclive

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socialbunny · 1 year

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15 questions for 15 mutuals :3

i was tagged by @annieshowell, @obsoletepixels, @goatskickin, @shitysimp, @sicksadsim and @jsasimmer <3333333333 thanks guys ily >:3

are you named after anyone? no, my mom had two names she wanted to pick for me and she and my dad settled on the one i have. but she was alsoo watching this movie in the hospital and one of the characters has my exact birth name so i think that cemented the name lol. and my name dirk, i named myself after dirk dreamer bc he's so me fr

when was the last time you cried? can't remember exactly

do you have kids? No I don't need that that in my life rn

do you use sarcasm a lot? I dooo, never in a mean way tho bc i feel like using sarcasm to mask how u feel abt some1 is pussy fr. i love joking around and poking fun and just being silly and weird and chillin like? irl personality is hit or miss with people. ive been told i talk back too much or always have something to say like? 😭

what sports do you play/have you played? when i was in elementary school i was in a dance group (terrible at it i have no rhythm at all it's honestly embarrassing) and when i was in high school i was in a tennis class (which was a PE alternative where we honestly never did shit tbh, towards the end of the school year we'd just be in the computer lab most of the time) and i considered joining the actual team but i also sucked at it 😭 and i really don't like doing team shit esp sports bc people start acting weird and i start getting real agitated.

what's the first thing you notice about other people? like physical i guess their outfit and hair and other shit i wear my glasses forr but shittttt, like just talking to someone i can catch their vibe really quick. just the way someone talks can tell you a lot abt them

eye color? Brown

scary movies or happy endings? it really depends on what the movie is

any special talents? nothing in particular i can think of. i think anything i do i'm really good at but not especially good at you know. i used to be told i'm really good at drawing but i was told this by the type of ppl who say they cant draw a stick figure so. take that as u will

where were you born? Texas 🤠

what are your hobbies? I love drawing and writing and reading and all the shit in that sphere of hobbies in theory 😭 been in a slump lately and doing shit seems harder than it needs to be. I love watching animation analysis and critiques, and listening to those 3hr vids of ppl talking abt shit i will never watch or care about while i do other bullshit. i really like making renders right now it gives me something to do without getting distracted too much. i also love playing really old shitty video games that have pages of cut content on tcrf

do you have any pets? No :( never had any pets when i was a kid either bc my mom had a whole bunch of dogs as a child and she didnt fw the idea of having any more animals in her house

how tall are you? 5'4 :)

fave subject in school? I love English (predictably I guess 😭)

dream job? i'd love to work in the animation industry in any way possible <3 or work in tv in general. probably have my own cartoon some day but thats such a stretchhhhhhhh i cant even work on my sims fanfiction or any oc shit LMAO. if not then i'd accept nothing less than a job where i don't have to talk to a lot of people and get payed billions of dollars to do bullshit

i dont have 15 ppl to tag since i do ask games so slowlyyyyy but i'll tag @despairoftheendless, @junkskoer, @faghotline and @hyperthinks !!! <3

#chat

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jackienautism · 1 year

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The most horrifying thing in the Quarry to me, aside from the Hackett family ignoring Kaylee and Caleb’s trauma, is the fact that a child of unspecified age was forced to survive in the woods for six whole years after getting displaced + having his once safe haven destroyed by strangers who wanted to “save” him then having to not get caught by said strangers’ family who want him dead for something he has no control over only to be killed while in a state of dissociation/deep sleep. Like, it’s not even mentioned explicitly but just…fuck. I’d the hell out of a book like that

you always realize the most fucked up things about this godforsaken game dfgkjdg still reeling over your most recent post btw i just want them all to be happy is that too much to ask

before i add anything on i just want to say even though ive said it plenty of times before: fuck the hacketts. like for real. kaylee and caleb deserved better

but GOSH i never realized just how fucked that is actually... if only they specified his age, i think that definitely would've made it hit harder yk? bc no matter how "young" it turns out silas is, it's still gonna be way too young to be thrust into his situation. having that like be solidified would've made it that much more. i dont know. real? bc the chances of him being like my age or yours is so.. likely

assuming silas also considered the rest of the harum scarum crew his family, he really like. lost everyone he cared about in one night and that's so so sad. all while he couldnt do ANYTHING consciously about it either. imagine you wake up just to see that everyone you've ever loved is dead and the place you call home is also gone? and, if silas even came to find out what exactly happened that night (which is doubtful? due to his lack of contact with literally anyone), imagine having to come to terms that you're technically the reason all that destruction took place?

long story short. fucking hell jkdfnjs i cant even imagine living on my own in good conditions so how the hell was silas able to do it in the middle of the woods! all while being hunted by these strange people! not only does he have to worry about food and shelter but now also the HACKETTS????? it's so. its not fair man

and the hacketts ARE able to accomplish their goal aftger killing several strangers and getting 9 unsuspecting kids involved and possibly killed. alongside their other family members potentially. what the fuck. if you couldnt tell i hate thisf amily

its nice they talk more about silas and harum scarum in the podcast but like... it being in game / not being extra would've been nice. would've been nicER. actually. since th whole game pretty much revolves around silas so. surprised they didnt talk more about him. actually no im not

#the quarry #jeyfeather1234 #asks #silas vorez #mine #text #my thoughts #my TQ tag #TQ

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the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see · 4 months

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you called me a friend and that has given me the courage to step out of the anon mask lol

YEAH EXACTLY. HE SPENT THE whole day looking for his daughter and then reliving painful memories! i felt so bad for him

cheers to living life as hopeless romantics lol

I KNOW RIGHT, (studying psychiatry just for them if we lived in that universe)

JERSEY. im not kidding, i spent like a week being emotional over the jersey ending, my parents were genuinely concerned 😭

nani has a Father Face!! yes!! and i've spent an embarrassing amount of time watching his interviews, and he's SO GOOD WITH KIDS. it's so cute honestly

yay for intellectual conversations via tumblr asks!! i've been overanalysing this movie almost constantly in my head for the past 4 days so this was really fun, ily <3

fun fact: i wanted to know when you replied to my ask, so i kept having to open your account, right? so after a point i just typed "gay" onto my searchbar to find your account lol

another fun fact, i was scrolling through your desiposting tag bc it was fun and saw "saturday night fever" and. i haven't heard this song in years, okay, i didn't even remember that such a song existed in that movie. but it still instantly played in my head with A Tune, and i googled the song to see if i remembered the tune somehow or if i was just making stuff up, AND IT WAS THE RIGHT TUNE. sure brain. remember all random tunes but not the shit i study for exams.

fellow pjo fan!! hi!! and i love your opinions on taylor swift!! FRIEND!!!!!

i apologise for the oversharing but i have very recently found telugu people on tumblr and i'm Very Excited, if you need me to back off, pls lmk and i will!

welcome to the other side............................!

2. I KNOWWWWWWW they really put nani in The Most situations ever give the man a break !! they need to put every character in counseling immediately after the cameras stop rolling

3. 🥂🥂 its tough but its real

5. NO WAYYY that is so funny but also <33333

6. HE ISSSSSSS when he did krishna gaadi veera prema gaadha and played with the kids all the time...................... where can i find a man like him fr

7. awhh i love you too<33 i always love talking about movies its so so fun

8. LMAOOOOOO honestly this is the end goal and vision. my moniker is gay as it should be and the universe is right

9. RIGHT its such a sleeper agent song i never remember it Until I Do. but yeah at that point i didnt know when i could go back to india and i remembered we would sing it while running and it made me Emotionanal. but i got to go back which was nice!! different problems but it still feels good to go home

10. omg!!!!!!!!!!! we are holding hands and skipping in a circle............ FRIEND!!!

11. no youre COMPLETELY fine i do the exact same thing<333 you dont need to back off at all, its incredibly fun to talk to you !!!

#its like a neighborhood in here if i see a telugu person im going to invite myself over #the tree speaks #asks #ily diana

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anti-endo-haven · 2 months

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not exactly sure how to trigger tag this so tldr: venting about an ex friend who fakeclaimed me and a therapist i used to have who didnt really help me and kinda did the opposite (probably not on purpose, but it still kinds fucked some things up for me)

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thinking about the times ive talked about the possibility of having did with an old online friend of mine (who was a singlet) and they never believed me. i did so much research and trying to open up about it but when they told me i should stop it felt like everything i knew had fallen apart and was different

back then i remember before i told him about it i actually had known about some alters i had, they had actual names and personalities and even innerworld features. i remember one of them was a little kid with blonde hair and a pink dress and a black cat hat (exactly like a hat i used to have irl) i havent seen her around anywhere in a couple years sadly, since my friend told me i was faking. i wish she was around longer because she seemed really sweet. i think she went dormant bc of the stress our friend had put us through

i remember i had what i assume was a full switch to her which is why i wanted to talk to someone about it but the online friend i had at the time would constantly fakeclaim me and say things like "you cant be a system if youre under the age of 20" (even though... systems usually develop before the age of 10) and "youre faking because your typing is weird" (this alter was a little, a fucking child, so of course her grammar wasnt gonna be perfect) i literally remember switching to her as me and this person were talking and they still thought i was faking because "you just learned about this disorder and now youre acting like you have it" (maybe because.. ive had it for so long that when i finally found the words that have helped me describe it im trying to embrace it and learn to heal. maybe because for most of my childhood i felt like something deep inside me was wrong and broken and when i found out about did things suddenly started clicking for me)

even my therapist at the time didnt even try to figure out why i thought i had such a serious disorder, she just immediately dismissed it when i brought it up with her. i find it a bit funny though because before i brought up did with her she had told me i probably have *some kind* of dissociative disorder (she never specified) and she even gave me meds for it (which honestly made it worse, i can only remember like one thing from that time period and it was someone telling me "my energy felt off") while i dont think a therapist should always immediately agree with their patient when it comes to trying to diagnose something i think they should try to help them figure out if what theyre suspecting is truly what they are dealing with or if its something else, ykwim?

----

im so sorry for this being so long :( i didnt mean for it to be but it still ended up being a whole essay .. anyway this is my first time posting to this blog so hi !

id like to claim an anon tag, would 🌌🕹️ or tsc/the stardust crusaders be okay?

That ex-friend is wild… You can absolutely be a system under the age of 20, I’ve seen 14 year olds get an official diagnosis and be able to get some help/support for it. Not a lot of people might know about it until they’re older especially in therapy because they have to cross bases and make sure it isn’t something else. And even if someone does months/years of research, they might not fully know or be questioning for a while.

Some people also accept it faster than others. That doesn’t make them fake either. For us, we had started questioning when we were around 19, doing research and everything to help out and going to different sources, we’re now 20 and a little bit past the “I’m fake” self-doubt (imposter syndrome) and doing what we can to function.

Your therapist should have absolutely made sure to cross bases. I’m not saying that in like a bad way. But the medication pushing just… isn’t it. That seems really strange to me to just agree, not ask questions on why, and just give medication out like that…

But you guys aren’t fake, that friend is gone, hopefully that therapist, too. I hope you all are doing better!

And, yep! You can claim all of those!

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turtletoria · 1 year

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i am curious exactly which reasons you hate mcyt now even tho you used to be a fan. As an outsider I know vaguely some of the people have done bad things but im interested in your specific reasons. You have no obligation to answer obviously

no dont worry i love talking shit its my hobby (joke, btw. my actual hobby is being cringe online)

under a read more bc this is long i just hold a lot of parasocial hate in my heart. hope you guys like reading !

edit: also to be clear im not trying to start any fights i just want to be left alone by mcyt fans. ok guys take it easy

tl;dr the Three Who Shall Not Be Named and their blasted SMP friends/acquaintances are all my parasocial enemies. Theres fun cringe and then theres mean cringe, and i feel that this corner of mcyt goes in the latter.

from my experience i think that they're really manipulative of a typically younger and vulnerable audience... i just remember them always promoting subscribing to their stream or purchasing donations to kids (that, i believe, honestly saw them as stand-ins for parental figures in their own lives) and that honestly disgusted me so much. i remember being frightened at the way that (mostly teenage/minor) fans on twitter talked about them like they could do no wrong... it was a weird kind of adoration that still freaks me out when i think about it too long. while they cant control the age of their fanbase, they could at least act accordingly... if i knew my audience was full of youngsters as young as 10 or 12 i would not say or do half the things theyve done, i will say that much.

moreover, i think they were very bad at handling their rapid rise to fame -> the Main Three Who Shall Not Be Named were frankly quite young and very immature, so this might be unfair, but honestly watching them felt like if you took the really unfunny highschool bullies and gave them a twitch stream to go nuts in. they couldnt control their rapidly growing and rabid fanbase in a way that felt safe to participate in.

i really didnt appreciate how they treated some of their fellow streamers. it felt cruel, and i cant understand how people could keep watching what would otherwise be bullying, even if it was all a "joke" or "prank."

And, much worse, was the casual racism and misogyny and other bigotry. i remember the misogyny especially was so bad, particularly from the young blonde and british streamer, whose main shtick was being rude to women because it was "funny." it was just crass and immature, and made my younger sister and I very uncomfortable, especially with the way his fans seemed to really enjoy that. a lot of these guys' and their friends' jokes hinged on being edgy or shocking, and honestly that shit was so overdone and unfunny.

I honestly can't remember finer details, and im not about to go looking (so take this with a grain of salt), but i just remember their content being full of a lot of uncomfortable moments. it was like experiencing some kind of microagression every 10 seconds and not being able to comprehend the insult until it was too late. it made me feel small and stupid, especially because i thought i was the only one who felt that way (and still do, honestly). call me oversensitive, but thats just how i felt (and still feel). moreover was the discomfort of them using language, which for lack of better words, reminded me very much of performative white liberalism. you know what i mean - when someone talks a lot about good things, but then they treat minorities like shit or allow these minorities to get treated like shit.

also, as the cherry on top of this rancid pile, the Main Three Guys and their SMP friends all seemed super okay with certified shitty people like Pp pie and notch. Very uncomfortable that they would be okay with being associated with them, let alone look up to them??? Huge red flag.

the fact that ive gifted my time and energy (through fanart) to a piece of media that has hurt me is so revolting. in the grand scheme this isnt a huge deal, but it definitely hurts that ive made shit for shit people and that fans still behave like i made this art for them. in reality i want to throw everythign into a pile and burn it. it just makes me very sad and hurt.

i could go on, but this is long enough as is.

Anyways, i'm not here to tell people what's right and wrong, but i honestly think that these guys are more hurtful than anything else and i simply dont want to interact with anything associated with mcyt ever.

but if im gonna be completely honest, i cant really blame teens or tweens for being into that awful cringe (derogatory) shit becuase that is the nature of being stupid and young, and hopefully theyll grow to understand why that shit is so bad. but if you are a college student or older and still into them im side-eyeing you so hard...

Theres fun cringe and then theres mean cringe, and i feel that this corner of mcyt goes in the latter.

#ask #anon #im worried abt waking up to hatemail but whatever i just want the mcyt fans to leave me alone!!!

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