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cavinginhisfvce · 15 days

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They Never Want To Discuss What Triggered You. Just How You Reacted. | Angst.

Before I get into the fic, this is a story I’ve written for a different fandom, I just changed things to work for The Usos. If you spot any errors/continuity mistakes please let me know! This is a CodyJey story, but it’s not the main focus.

Nobody notices the way Josh seems largely put off by every meal. They don't see the disgust that courses through him with every bite, through every uptick in his calorie intake.

They don't see when he finally dips off to the bathroom to ralph every morsel he possibly can.

Nobody hears his cries over the rush of shower water, they don't hear him shouting to be seen, heard, and held.

They don't see the drops of red that mix in with his shower water as it trails down the drain.

What they do see is Josh’s unbridled anger. His hair triggers for any and all things. They see bruised knuckles, and split lips in place of his oh so evident pain. They see a nuisance, an unreasonably angry boy. They take what they see at face value, nobody digs further. Josh doesn't ask them to.

Nobody witnesses the days Josh can barely drag himself out of bed. Nobody sees the days where he's so tired, every movement feels like a war on his body and mind.

There's always a hidden layer of fatigue beneath his skin, some days it's easily ignored, while others it demands to be addressed.

No one is around to watch as Joshua Fatu becomes a shell of his former self. Not even Jon. Only Josh and the four walls of whatever room he's holed up in.

Nobody sees the papers that litter Josh’s bedroom, or their contents. They don't see the "Dear Jon’s" and the "I'm sorrys".

Not until it's too late, anyway.

Now, Jon watches, horrified as Cody Runnels, and his father alternate between applying pressure to Josh’s wounds, and checking for a pulse.

It all seems so hopeless. Their mother tries, and fails to shield him from seeing the panicked attempts at keeping Josh alive. The paramedics aren't too far, Jon can hear the blare of their sirens, even over Cody’s rushed words of, "stay with us, Josh. Please." "I got you, please."

Please, please, please.

Jon wonders if he's pleading with Josh or with the universe. He hopes it's both.

When the EMTs finally did arrive, Jon watched with tearful brown eyes as they carted Josh off and into the Ambulance. He watched as their father slipped in before the doors shut. He watched as Cody dropped to his knees and began to sob, his clothes ruined from the blood that was all over their living room floor. He doesn't know if he should comfort him or leave him be.

Jon didn't understand why Cody was crying. Was it because the situation was traumatic, even for them? Or was it because somewhere along the line, they'd become friends or something like it?

Sadly, Jon wasn't able to wonder very long before his mom was guiding him back into the house. She tried to rush them past the spots where Josh’s blood pooled the most, tried to keep the red stained floors from view, but Jon had already seen. Jon had already seen the state his brother was in when they found him. Had seen the lifeless tint to his skin.

He thought for sure Josh was gone, but somehow, in spite of his own attempts, he was still fighting. Still alive.

Weak, but alive. If the EMTs were to be trusted when they told him and their mom that Josh would be okay.

His mom tells him to pack a bag, one for himself and one for Josh.

He obliges.

When his own bag is packed and resting at the foot of his bed, Jon hurriedly slips into Josh’s room.

He ignores the knowledge that he hasn't been inside of his twin brother’s room in almost a year.

He pushes past the visible signs that his brother had been spiraling. There's beer cans littering just about every flat surface. There's papers everywhere, some ripped, some crumpled.

But, worst of all? It's significantly empty, all his posters are gone, leaving his walls bare, lackluster. His records are almost all missing. Which is a worrisome thing in itself considering how hard Josh worked to find them in the first place.

Hell, Josh doesn’t have a single trinket laying around his own room anymore. It looked as if he were just someone visiting, and that left a sour taste in Jon’s mouth.

His once extensive record collection has dwindled considerably. He barely has six left. Jon notes that almost all his favorite ones are gone, the remaining six are the ones he too found himself enjoying. Back when he and Josh still hung out. Before they moved, before Josh changed.

His clothes are all packed away in plastic crates, the kind meant for long term storage.

Jon doesn't let himself consider how long Josh had been planning this. If he did, he’d probably see all the signs he laid out for somebody to acknowledge.

He had long since swapped out his short-sleeved, tight shirts, for layers. His jeans followed the same fate, and were replaced by sweatpants and loose jeans. At the time, Jon assumed the cold had finally gotten to him. He thought he was just conforming to a life in their dull little town, the same as he did.

Instead of packing a bag, he reaches down and swipes up a piece of paper. It's crumpled beyond repair, but legible nonetheless.

"Dear Jon,

I'm sorry. For everything. I wasn't a good twin brother, and you deserved better than that.

I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from him, any longer. Please don't hate me for this, Jon.

If you have to hate me, hate me for how I treated you. But please don't hate me for this. There was no other way out for me,"

The letter gets cut off there, Jon guesses he wasn't pleased with how it was coming along.

Jon drops the paper with a soft gasp, his eyes filling with tears once again.

He had so many questions. Like who the person Josh was talking about in the letter? Who couldn’t he protect Jon from?

A feeling in his gut tells him it has to do with the way he limps home after spending the day with Joe, or the busted lip and black eyes he sports all too often. He was never that close with Joe, but Josh always was. Now though, Jon can’t help but wonder if they’re only close because Joe is forcing it. Forcing Josh.

He wouldn't cry though. Because Josh was going to be okay. He was going to get better, and Jon could be the twin brother he's always needed, and in turn he hopes he will at least try to be a proper brother to him. How he let his brother go on hurting this way will never sit right with him, but at the very least Jon can help now. He can fix things, even just a smidge.

He wants to read another unfinished note, but it feels like an invasion, because Josh might've been addressing him, but the letters were still in his possession.

Jon never hated him. Jon just followed the tune he played, it was better if Joe thought they were against one another. Even Jon knew that without needing to be told. There was always this controlling nature to him, this possessive attitude when it came to Josh.

But this whole situation? It changed the tune of the song, whether Josh intended for it to or not, Jon was no longer following his cues. He didn't need to, because when Josh came home, they'd write the song together.

With that in mind, Jon sets to pack his bag. It was easy, considering the way his clothes were packed up.

Jon, despite his protests, was sent to stay with Joe and his family for over a week. His aunt and uncle seemed genuinely concerned for their nephew, but Joe was just mildly put off that the twin he didn’t really associate with was the one staying with them.

Usually, staying with his uncle was a blessing, because Jon got to learn the things about wrestling their father couldn’t teach, but this time it was a dreadful affair.

He just wanted to go see Josh in the hospital, but he kept being told it wasn’t right to see him that way. As if he hadn't seen his brother lying in a pool of his own blood.

When Jon was able to go home, Josh still hadn't been released from the hospital. At dinner, he finally asked why that was.

Their dad seemed to tense up at the question, his fingers clutched his fork so tightly the metal all but bent at the action.

"He's not well, Jonathan. The doctors just want to keep him there a little longer to make sure nothing like this happens again." His mom's voice cut through the silence that followed his question.

Jon, feeling pissed off, and put out for some reason, just nodded and went back to eating his dinner.

Well, he tried at least. Most of it was burned, or just too bland.

Her mom was never a good cook, not like Josh, who would always manage to save their dishes in some way. He always caught them before they burned, or snuck in extra seasoning whenever their mom would turn her back.

It was another two weeks before Josh was meant to come home, only five days before it all, their father had taken off in the dead of night. He didn't leave a note, didn't even say goodbye. Jon can’t help but suspect that his father knew about whatever was happening with Josh, but had refused to be of any help to the boy who so clearly needed it.

To Jon’s knowledge, their mother hadn't cried when she realized her husband wouldn't be returning. She blared the music he often complained about, Josh’s favorite genre of music, and skirted around Josh’s bedroom. She had Jon help her unpack his belongings, his clothes returned to the closet, his scarce record collection was put into a proper display.

Cody even came by and hung Josh’s mirror up behind his door. To Jon’s surprise, he'd also replaced the posters that once covered the walls. He even went as far as to add additional posters, ones from bands Jon knew Josh enjoyed. He just didn't know why Cody also knew which bands he favored.

The day they set out to pick Josh up from the hospital, Jon had been buzzing with excitement. Three long weeks of not seeing Josh was finally coming to a close.

He couldn't remember the last time he had been so ready to see his twin, he thinks it might've been when their parents were only taking them individually to see their cousins.

They still lived in California, they still got along back then.

However, on the ride over, Jon was starting to regret agreeing to come along. He initially thought Josh had been in the Memorial Hospital, it was nearby, and equipped to take care of him.

But, when they drove beyond the town's limits, to a hospital in the next town over, Jon had thrown his head back with a groan.

Cody, who had offered to drive him and his mom, just laughed and glanced back at Jon when they pulled into a red light. "It's a long drive, right? I've made this drive at least six times this month."

Again, Jon was left to wonder just how close Cody and his brother had gotten without his knowing.

This time, however, he voiced his question to him.

The elder seemed to pause, his hands freezing in their place on the steering wheel. He was almost dazed until their mother laid a hand on his arm and whispered something Jon couldn't catch.

Whatever it was, was apparently enough to have him nodding his head and breathing out. "We're dating? He's my boyfriend, I guess. I mean, it was purely physical for a long time, but..."

Even though he sounded unsure, and was probably scolding himself for oversharing, Jon detected the smile in his voice. He was shocked, for a multitude of reasons. But, mostly because Cody was dating his brother. The mere thought had him gagging out loud, his face scrunched up in obvious displeasure. He was shocked his mother knew, but that was a topic to broach on a later date.

"Okay, chill! I got it, I ain’t need that last part, Uce." His mom was the first to dissolve into giggles, but both Jon and Cody were quick to follow suit.

It took almost thirty minutes before Josh was crossing the threshold of the hospital he'd spent nearly a month in. When he spotted Jon, his mother and Cody, it was obvious they hadn't seen him yet. So, Josh did what any sensible younger brother would do, and snuck up behind Jon. His eye caught Cody’s and he motioned for him to remain silent, before he was placing both hands on Jon’s shoulders and leaning into his space. "Hey, shitbird!"

Jon, who almost jumped out of his skin, turned around and flung himself into Josh’s arms. "Asshole!"

The latter caught him easily enough, his arms winding around his twin brother, both of them ignoring their mother’s gentle scolding.

It was at least a minute before Josh was playfully shoving him away, his face twisted up in mock anger, "alright enough, you're getting little bitch all over me!"

Jon just kissed his teeth before slapping his arm, his lips forming a light pout, "stop being an ass, I missed you!"

Josh just smirked at him, clicking his tongue as he glanced up at Cody, then at his mom.

There was a mischievous glint in his eye, one familiar to all of them.

Cody was the one to groan, "Josh, no, don't."

But, his plea fell on deaf ears, because two seconds later, Josh was saying, "You act like I almost died, Uce."

Again, Jon slapped his arm, this time with more power than the first one. "Don't joke about that, Josh!!"

His body seemed to betray his demands, because he was then giggling madly.

"Only you two would find this funny." Their mom just shook her head, her disappointment overshadowed by the fond twinge to her tone.

On the ride home, Jon and their mom both sat in the back, allowing Josh the opportunity to sit in the passenger seat.

He tried convincing Cody to let him drive, but he was quick to decline. None of them were too keen on the motion sickness that came with Josh’s fast, reckless driving.

Every time Cody glances in Josh’s direction, Jon can't help but to wonder if he's seeing the same image that flashes occasionally in his own mind.

Josh, not breathing, bleeding too much for any one person, he was thinner than Jon could recall.

It was like Josh had been replaced before their very eyes. Only, nobody noticed the way his cheeks seemed to sink in, or the way his eyes always held dark bags, even after hours, and hours of rest.

Once upon a time, Jon would've praised himself for how well he knew his twin brother, but recent events proved he knew very little about him. It had taken him nearly dying for him to see his pain. For anyone to see his pain. Jon wishes he would've seen Josh changing from abrasive to withdrawn for what it was. A cry for help. Instead, he wrote it off. He wrote Josh off.

He wouldn’t make that mistake again.

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neon-danger · 9 months

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I’m not picky I love a cute Jalex moment. Early morning in bed, watching a movie on the couch , bubble bath together just anything with them together

Domestic jalex my beloved

Jack lays in Alex’s lap during every single movie night. He’ll never admit it but Jack loves when Alex twirls his hair.

They’re usually watching bad 90s teen romcoms but sometimes Alex gets Jack to watch some horror film and then has to hold Jack the whole night so Jack “doesn’t get nightmares”

Jack always gets out of bed first. Alex sleeps past noon and usually wakes up to half a pot of cold coffee in the kitchen.

That doesn’t mean Alex doesn’t often keep Jack in bed with him some mornings. They can often be found sleeping until three pm for no particular reason.

There’s a reason for the postmates lyric in sleeping in

Alex always cooks, but Jack usually finds some way to help, even if he’s more of a hindrance.

They eat more takeout than they should, but they also use one of those meal sites that send the ingredients to their door twice a week.

They don’t often take baths together, but when they do, it’s not usually as romantic as they planned it to be.

Alex probably gets wine drunk and talks about space or something while Jack zones out and just watches him talk occasionally bringing up solar flares or whatever

There were bubbles, but usually not for long.

Alex asks the stupid existential questions after midnight, and Jack hits him with a pillow.

They start a home alone watch party tradition where they get all their friends together to drink and watch home alone twice a year (for Christmas and Christmas in July of course)

One time for Jack’s birthday they set up a projector in Rian’s backyard with lights and outdoor seating and all that

It got knocked into the pool.

They no longer are allowed to celebrate Jack’s birthday in Nashville

Unless they’re on tour and don’t have much of a choice, but even then it can’t be near Rian’s place of residence

It takes them 3 years to admit that they’re actually together even tho they’ve been basically a couple for far longer

Jack confesses first because Alex is convinced he’s actually just losing his mind

That confession marks the start of the three year “Just Dating” period before Zack is like “yeah that’s Alex’s boyfriend” to someone and they both have to come to terms with the fact that Yeah Actually Jack Is Alex’s Boyfriend

They foster dogs between tours because keeping them would be too complicated, but they both very much want to have a dog in the house

They are both awful and share their food with the dog because of course

Jack especially

#neon answers #neon does drabble #this one’s like actual drabble #because I can’t stay focused on one thing rn #tw ed but #I lost 20 pounds in the last two years #which is like really bad because at my healthiest I am not at a weight that can support much weight loss #so I’m like sitting here staring at the scale like 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡#I don’t have like body dysphoria or issues with my weight or anything #I just have Unspecified Eating Disorder #and can’t be bothered to eat anything #let alone anything super healthy #currently I’m sustaining myself mostly in bagels and whatever leftovers are in the fridge #I have no motivation no energy and when I stand up I feel faint for four seconds too long #so anyway I’m gonna blame that on the reason why I haven’t been writing nearly as much #not to be all woe is me but w o e is me #neon vented #tw ed recovery #vent in tags

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