#hes been hurt too much

[cavinginhisfvce]

They Never Want To Discuss What Triggered You. Just How You Reacted. | Angst.

Before I get into the fic, this is a story I’ve written for a different fandom, I just changed things to work for The Usos. If you spot any errors/continuity mistakes please let me know! This is a CodyJey story, but it’s not the main focus.

Nobody notices the way Josh seems largely put off by every meal. They don't see the disgust that courses through him with every bite, through every uptick in his calorie intake.

They don't see when he finally dips off to the bathroom to ralph every morsel he possibly can.

Nobody hears his cries over the rush of shower water, they don't hear him shouting to be seen, heard, and held. 

They don't see the drops of red that mix in with his shower water as it trails down the drain.

What they do see is Josh’s unbridled anger. His hair triggers for any and all things. They see bruised knuckles, and split lips in place of his oh so evident pain. They see a nuisance, an unreasonably angry boy. They take what they see at face value, nobody digs further. Josh doesn't ask them to.

Nobody witnesses the days Josh can barely drag himself out of bed. Nobody sees the days where he's so tired, every movement feels like a war on his body and mind.

There's always a hidden layer of fatigue beneath his skin, some days it's easily ignored, while others it demands to be addressed. 

No one is around to watch as Joshua Fatu becomes a shell of his former self. Not even Jon. Only Josh and the four walls of whatever room he's holed up in.

Nobody sees the papers that litter Josh’s bedroom, or their contents. They don't see the "Dear Jon’s" and the "I'm sorrys". 

Not until it's too late, anyway. 

Now, Jon watches, horrified as Cody Runnels, and his father alternate between applying pressure to Josh’s wounds, and checking for a pulse. 

It all seems so hopeless. Their mother tries, and fails to shield him from seeing the panicked attempts at keeping Josh alive. The paramedics aren't too far, Jon can hear the blare of their sirens, even over Cody’s rushed words of, "stay with us, Josh. Please." "I got you, please." 

Please, please, please.

Jon wonders if he's pleading with Josh or with the universe. He hopes it's both.

When the EMTs finally did arrive, Jon watched with tearful brown eyes as they carted Josh off and into the Ambulance. He watched as their father slipped in before the doors shut. He watched as Cody dropped to his knees and began to sob, his clothes ruined from the blood that was all over their living room floor. He doesn't know if he should comfort him or leave him be.

Jon didn't understand why Cody was crying. Was it because the situation was traumatic, even for them? Or was it because somewhere along the line, they'd become friends or something like it?

Sadly, Jon wasn't able to wonder very long before his mom was guiding him back into the house. She tried to rush them past the spots where Josh’s blood pooled the most, tried to keep the red stained floors from view, but Jon had already seen. Jon had already seen the state his brother was in when they found him. Had seen the lifeless tint to his skin. 

He thought for sure Josh was gone, but somehow, in spite of his own attempts, he was still fighting. Still alive. 

Weak, but alive. If the EMTs were to be trusted when they told him and their mom that Josh would be okay.

His mom tells him to pack a bag, one for himself and one for Josh. 

He obliges. 

When his own bag is packed and resting at the foot of his bed, Jon hurriedly slips into Josh’s room.

He ignores the knowledge that he hasn't been inside of his twin brother’s room in almost a year. 

He pushes past the visible signs that his brother had been spiraling. There's beer cans littering just about every flat surface. There's papers everywhere, some ripped, some crumpled. 

But, worst of all? It's significantly empty, all his posters are gone, leaving his walls bare, lackluster. His records are almost all missing. Which is a worrisome thing in itself considering how hard Josh worked to find them in the first place.

Hell, Josh doesn’t have a single trinket laying around his own room anymore. It looked as if he were just someone visiting, and that left a sour taste in Jon’s mouth.

His once extensive record collection has dwindled considerably. He barely has six left. Jon notes that almost all his favorite ones are gone, the remaining six are the ones he too found himself enjoying. Back when he and Josh still hung out. Before they moved, before Josh changed.

His clothes are all packed away in plastic crates, the kind meant for long term storage. 

 Jon doesn't let himself consider how long Josh had been planning this. If he did, he’d probably see all the signs he laid out for somebody to acknowledge. 

He had long since swapped out his short-sleeved, tight shirts, for layers. His jeans followed the same fate, and were replaced by sweatpants and loose jeans. At the time, Jon assumed the cold had finally gotten to him. He thought he was just conforming to a life in their dull little town, the same as he did.

Instead of packing a bag, he reaches down and swipes up a piece of paper. It's crumpled beyond repair, but legible nonetheless.

"Dear Jon, 

I'm sorry. For everything. I wasn't a good twin brother, and you deserved better than that. 

I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from him, any longer. Please don't hate me for this, Jon.

If you have to hate me, hate me for how I treated you. But please don't hate me for this. There was no other way out for me,"

The letter gets cut off there, Jon guesses he wasn't pleased with how it was coming along.

Jon drops the paper with a soft gasp, his eyes filling with tears once again.

He had so many questions. Like who the person Josh was talking about in the letter? Who couldn’t he protect Jon from? 

A feeling in his gut tells him it has to do with the way he limps home after spending the day with Joe, or the busted lip and black eyes he sports all too often. He was never that close with Joe, but Josh always was. Now though, Jon can’t help but wonder if they’re only close because Joe is forcing it. Forcing Josh.

He wouldn't cry though. Because Josh was going to be okay. He was going to get better, and Jon could be the twin brother he's always needed, and in turn he hopes he will at least try to be a proper brother to him. How he let his brother go on hurting this way will never sit right with him, but at the very least Jon can help now. He can fix things, even just a smidge.

He wants to read another unfinished note, but it feels like an invasion, because Josh might've been addressing him, but the letters were still in his possession.

Jon never hated him. Jon just followed the tune he played, it was better if Joe thought they were against one another. Even Jon knew that without needing to be told. There was always this controlling nature to him, this possessive attitude when it came to Josh.

But this whole situation? It changed the tune of the song, whether Josh intended for it to or not, Jon was no longer following his cues. He didn't need to, because when Josh came home, they'd write the song together.

With that in mind, Jon sets to pack his bag. It was easy, considering the way his clothes were packed up. 

Jon, despite his protests, was sent to stay with Joe and his family for over a week. His aunt and uncle seemed genuinely concerned for their nephew, but Joe was just mildly put off that the twin he didn’t really associate with was the one staying with them.

Usually, staying with his uncle was a blessing, because Jon got to learn the things about wrestling their father couldn’t teach, but this time it was a dreadful affair. 

He just wanted to go see Josh in the hospital, but he kept being told it wasn’t right to see him that way. As if he hadn't seen his brother lying in a pool of his own blood. 

When Jon was able to go home, Josh still hadn't been released from the hospital. At dinner, he finally asked why that was. 

Their dad seemed to tense up at the question, his fingers clutched his fork so tightly the metal all but bent at the action.

"He's not well, Jonathan. The doctors just want to keep him there a little longer to make sure nothing like this happens again." His mom's voice cut through the silence that followed his question. 

Jon, feeling pissed off, and put out for some reason, just nodded and went back to eating his dinner. 

Well, he tried at least. Most of it was burned, or just too bland. 

Her mom was never a good cook, not like Josh, who would always manage to save their dishes in some way. He always caught them before they burned, or snuck in extra seasoning whenever their mom would turn her back.

It was another two weeks before Josh was meant to come home, only five days before it all, their father had taken off in the dead of night. He didn't leave a note, didn't even say goodbye. Jon can’t help but suspect that his father knew about whatever was happening with Josh, but had refused to be of any help to the boy who so clearly needed it.

To Jon’s knowledge, their mother hadn't cried when she realized her husband wouldn't be returning. She blared the music he often complained about, Josh’s favorite genre of music, and skirted around Josh’s bedroom. She had Jon help her unpack his belongings, his clothes returned to the closet, his scarce record collection was put into a proper display. 

Cody even came by and hung Josh’s mirror up behind his door. To Jon’s surprise, he'd also replaced the posters that once covered the walls. He even went as far as to add additional posters, ones from bands Jon knew Josh enjoyed. He just didn't know why Cody also knew which bands he favored.

The day they set out to pick Josh up from the hospital, Jon had been buzzing with excitement. Three long weeks of not seeing Josh was finally coming to a close. 

He couldn't remember the last time he had been so ready to see his twin, he thinks it might've been when their parents were only taking them individually to see their cousins.

They still lived in California, they still got along back then.

However, on the ride over, Jon was starting to regret agreeing to come along. He initially thought Josh had been in the Memorial Hospital, it was nearby, and equipped to take care of him. 

But, when they drove beyond the town's limits, to a hospital in the next town over, Jon had thrown his head back with a groan. 

Cody, who had offered to drive him and his mom, just laughed and glanced back at Jon when they pulled into a red light. "It's a long drive, right? I've made this drive at least six times this month." 

Again, Jon was left to wonder just how close Cody and his brother had gotten without his knowing.

This time, however, he voiced his question to him. 

The elder seemed to pause, his hands freezing in their place on the steering wheel. He was almost dazed until their mother laid a hand on his arm and whispered something Jon couldn't catch. 

Whatever it was, was apparently enough to have him nodding his head and breathing out. "We're dating? He's my boyfriend, I guess. I mean, it was purely physical for a long time, but..." 

Even though he sounded unsure, and was probably scolding himself for oversharing, Jon detected the smile in his voice. He was shocked, for a multitude of reasons. But, mostly because Cody was dating his brother. The mere thought had him gagging out loud, his face scrunched up in obvious displeasure. He was shocked his mother knew, but that was a topic to broach on a later date.

"Okay, chill! I got it, I ain’t need that last part, Uce." His mom was the first to dissolve into giggles, but both Jon and Cody were quick to follow suit.

It took almost thirty minutes before Josh was crossing the threshold of the hospital he'd spent nearly a month in. When he spotted Jon, his mother and Cody, it was obvious they hadn't seen him yet. So, Josh did what any sensible younger brother would do, and snuck up behind Jon. His eye caught Cody’s and he motioned for him to remain silent, before he was placing both hands on Jon’s shoulders and leaning into his space. "Hey, shitbird!" 

Jon, who almost jumped out of his skin, turned around and flung himself into Josh’s arms. "Asshole!"

The latter caught him easily enough, his arms winding around his twin brother, both of them ignoring their mother’s gentle scolding.

It was at least a minute before Josh was playfully shoving him away, his face twisted up in mock anger, "alright  enough, you're getting little bitch all over me!"

Jon just kissed his teeth before slapping his arm, his lips forming a light pout, "stop being an ass, I missed you!"

Josh just smirked at him, clicking his tongue as he glanced up at Cody, then at his mom.

There was a mischievous glint in his eye, one familiar to all of them. 

Cody was the one to groan, "Josh, no, don't." 

But, his plea fell on deaf ears, because two seconds later, Josh was saying, "You act like I almost died, Uce."

Again, Jon slapped his arm, this time with more power than the first one. "Don't joke about that, Josh!!" 

His body seemed to betray his demands, because he was then giggling madly. 

"Only you two would find this funny." Their mom just shook her head, her disappointment overshadowed by the fond twinge to her tone.

On the ride home, Jon and their mom both sat in the back, allowing Josh the opportunity to sit in the passenger seat.

He tried convincing Cody to let him drive, but he was quick to decline. None of them were too keen on the motion sickness that came with Josh’s  fast, reckless driving.

Every time Cody glances in Josh’s direction, Jon can't help but to wonder if he's seeing the same image that flashes occasionally in his own mind. 

Josh, not breathing, bleeding too much for any one person, he was thinner than Jon could recall. 

It was like Josh had been replaced before their very eyes. Only, nobody noticed the way his cheeks seemed to sink in, or the way his eyes always held dark bags, even after hours, and hours of rest.

Once upon a time, Jon would've praised himself for how well he knew his twin brother, but recent events proved he knew very little about him. It had taken him nearly dying for him to see his pain. For anyone to see his pain. Jon wishes he would've seen Josh changing from abrasive to withdrawn for what it was. A cry for help. Instead, he wrote it off. He wrote Josh off.

He wouldn’t make that mistake again.

#jey uso #wwe #jimmy uso #cody rhodes #codyjey #implied abuse #roman reigns #implied selfharm #Angst #hurt/comfort #hes been hurt too much #jey is just struggling but it’ll get better #jey uso fanfiction #cody rhodes fanfiction #Codyjey fanfiction #Told from jons pov kinda #fanfic #wwe fanfiction #ed unspecified #Josh is not a happy camper but things will eventually work out #Who knows! #tw: suicide attempt

[p4nishers]

there's something i need to say and yall can boo me for it but deep in my heart i'll always know i'm correct: crowley already forgave aziraphale. like already would take him back at one flutter of his eyelashes. that's all.

#do i wish he wouldn't forgive so easily (tho i don't actually think aziraphale needs forgiveness since he didn't do anything wrong and #actually without his decision their love story would've been stuck as it was for more than 6000 years and also heaven would never change #without someone dismantling it and making it new) #yes i do wish that and i also wish he'd learn self worth but we gotta be realistic here he never once been able to stay mad at aziraphale #all those times they had fights where aziraphale was (mostly) in the wrong and rejected crowley what did crowley do? immediately come #CRAWLING and BEGGING back like pls yall this is why i don't read post s2 fics bc everyone suddenly seems to forget their whole canon #personalities and history w each other and it's annoying me so much like i get that we all are hoping crowley learns from his mistakes and #stops being so easy for aziraphale (not me tho) but realistically speaking it's just not gonna happen and once again aziraphale DIDN'T. DO. #ANYTHING. WRONG. yes he hurt crowley with his decision but CROWLEY HURT HIM WITH HIS TOO so if yall wants an apology dance it's gonna turn #into a waltz cause they'd both need to do it #good omens #good omens s2 #azicrow #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #ineffable spouses #good omens season 2 #ineffable husbands #go s2

[yuwuta]

yuuta exhibits such previously abandoned, recently adopted dog behavior. incredibly anxious all the time, even though nobody’s out to get him or leave him behind. waits for you to return home or from school or from work excitedly, just to see you when you walk through the door. follows you around senselessly, hovering in your space just for the sake of companionship. initiates affection in prodding ways—starts off next to you, then a hand on your thigh, then deems it safe to lay all the way down, then slowly pushes his head into your lap. gets up whenever you need to get up, and resumes his position as soon as you’re ready. brings you gifts as a sign that he’s thinking of you, and maybe because he likes the affection it brings out in you, maybe because he likes the gentle affirming touches of a hand in his hair or a pinch to his cheek. rests his head on your stomach or his chin on your shoulder when he’s sleepy, stays there, immobile, and will not move unless absolutely necessary. sometimes he gets surprised when he hears you calling for him, there’s a moment of disbelief as he thinks “me? really? you need me?” but it’s very quickly overshadowed by this compulsive need to show up, to please, to do anything for you, which is why he always answers when you call. he doesn’t realize that he has puppygod eyes, especially when he’s excited or confused, but he does and it’s incredible endearing. very reluctant to share your space or attention after a while, considers that to be sacred and he won’t risk being let go or lost again, so as a safety precaution, he keeps himself right by you, waits for you always. 

#atp i need to shut and write the omega verse fics that consistency plague my mind #but while im here time for my obligatory megumi mention bc i mentioned dogs teehee #yes megumi attack dog hes megumi grumbly yes megumi bark bark bite bite BUT BUT BUTTTT #megumi is also used to like... hm........ taming? having? caring for? people in his life and also literal (divine) dogs #so for him yes he bites and barks #but he also... he gets confused if YOU dont follow him around like a puppy bc everyone else in his life has so why not you? #gojo's always been the annoying yapping pomeranian chewing on his arm even if he didn't ask #always in megumi's space even tho he didn't ask but he learned to deal with it #won't admit it but knows that too much attention is better than having someone who couldn't give a shit about you #yuuji is the golden in everybody's life and megumi is no exception #unmovable unshakeable and incredibly addictive even if he doesn't mean to be #and very very attached to the people he cares about so yeah yuuji is loud and annoying but he's also loyal and megumi respects that so fine #nobara is like... she decided she liked megumi and was upset about it so she bit his ankle and he tried to kick her off but she has too muc #pride to get shaken off by someone as scrawny as megumi and somewhere along the way megumi became impressed that she was still there even i #it hurt a bit and she was a little rough it's not like he was worse so fine whatever she can stay too #so if you like... if you dont hover around megumi if you dont pry if you dont prod then he has to be the dog smh #now he's gotta bite for your attention and nudge you and how annoying. he's gonna keep doing it tho. as long as he has to #or until you learn to fall in line and accept your leash too whichever comes first n e way.... anyway............. #somebody's pampered omega always gets what he wants megumi complex is showing...... #this was about yuuta right? ok i'll put his tags now.... #juju #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen x reader #yuuta okkotsu x reader #yuta okkotsu x reader

[lunarharp]

What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)

#witch hat tag #orufrey #er.... i'm too tired to have anything to say..i worked several days on this. #wait.. didn't i say just recently here that i probably wouldn't ever depict 'what if alaira is qifrey's sort-of ex'. What's going on #i don't even remember deciding to draw this..it's all a blur..i'm not sure why i WOULD decide to draw delicate scenes in my head #that i wouldn't really want to share with anyone/discuss so why did i draw it... #some part of me really really wants to draw things that are more and more true to myself... #maybe because of my alienation with most romance/shipping/dynamics the rest of the world depicts. #orufrey really is perfectly suited to me - what i read in the text and what is in my head. well anyway #i am TIRED of drawing poses and angles and..maybe now i will actually take a break from drawing bc of the tediousness of Angles #btw it really is a 'stretch of time' . . . assuming witches graduate age 18-20 #well orufrey are canonically 30-ish. they've only had agott around for presumably about TWO years (?) bc she took the test age 10 #and it feels like oru moving in/unknown atelier acquisition/building (?) .. i guess that could be a year or so before agott at most #(she was the first disciple) so... ????????? What about the other 7 or so years ?!?!?!!?!?! Unemployed Brimhat Hatred era #that time is very nebulous. after qifrey went to the tower i feel like it's been implied he and oru drifted apart a little. #certainly they didn't live together at first... no way. that doesn't feel like how it is based on things oru has said about becoming Eye #idk. I'm tired now. i don't usually think of alaira as necessarily qifrey's ex and this being how things went in that 'sliver of time'. #i usually prefer the idea that they have their first kiss with each other in their 30s cause That's Just The Orufrey Lifestyle #just felt like making a more relatable alternative view of my own Cai Orufrey Canon one time. btw im a big monoshipper and it hurt a bit #let's leave it there. this is surely the most i've worked on a 'single' art - though now i realise just how much longer the fic took :')

[sysig]

uuuumm for the request thing maybe pastel gaster? maybe with the evil goatparents or evil alphys, haha. or maybe even evil temmie lol.

Day 29 - He's studying you with a smile...

#My art #Requestober #UT #Handplates #Fellplates #Gaster #Fellplates!Gaster is weird :) I like that about him #Man it's been a heck-while since I've draw him!! He's still heckin' cute - I will always be biased towards wings haha #Didn't have any hair to shade this time so had to give them a little extra attention hehe ♪ #The whole shading everything - I've just been really into backlighting lately haha #The halo is a great excuse ♫ #I also like how in searching for his refs they were paired to the note of ''Don't think about it for too long it all comes crumbling down'' #But now I'm thinking about it!! Oh no!! Lol #Like for example I know there are Mercyplates iterations where the Skelebros never get the plates #But the intention was still there at some point (maybe? It's been a while lol) #Basically my point is - I think Gaster's two hand hole-punches would garner the attention of Someone #Since they were brought up how about Alphys or the Goatparents' - and he gets some accessories to cover up with ♪ #Anyway that's all just errant-thought fun to think about Gaster getting hurt lol - even this Gaster? #:3c Maybe #I trust him about as far as I can throw him as much as I thoroughly enjoy him hehe ♪ #It was tempting to do something with Alphys and the others as well - the image of him picking up Fell!Temmie and resting her on his lap lol #But I've never drawn any of them and I couldn't find any agreed-upon references so I opted for He Alone #It would be fun to see him interacting with others tho :) #Hardly topical but I think my favourite iteration of AU Alphys is SwapFell?? She's very cool in Swap but hnnrh the armour is so cool #Anyway lol ♪

[luck-of-the-drawings]

FOR A BEAT OF HEART, THE BREATH IS SHOT. AND WITHIN A BREATH, THE HEART IS CAUGHT. THE PIPES ARE BURSTING, UNDER GREAT STRESS, BOLTS TORN ASUNDER, MAKING A MESS. A FINAL COUGH, A FINAL RETCH, A GOREY SLOUGH, CLAIMED BY WRETCH.

#cw gore #jrwi riptide #jrwi riptide spoilers #chip jrwi #jrwi fanart #jrwi show #I LLOOOVE POETRYYY I LOVE MAKING WORDS RHYME IN STRANGE WAYS AND DESCRIBING VISCERA AND VIOLENCE OR WAHTEVER. YKNOW WHAT ELSE I LOVE #CHHHIIIIIIIBBOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL MAAANN WWHAT. WHAT HAPPENED. OH MY GOD. IVE BEEN SAYING FOREVER. I NEEED CHIP TO GET SCARIER. #HE HAS THE POTENTIAL! I KNOW HE DOES! HAUNTED BOY WITH THE HAUNTED EYES WHAT TRAUMAS HAVE YOU SEEN? AND WERE THEY YOUR FAULT? THINK ABOUT I #EVERY FAMILY HAS CRUMBLED AROUND HIM. HIS BIRTH FAMILY CRUMBLED BEFORE HE KNEW IT. HIS SECOND FAMILY DROWNED. THIRD BURNED TO THE GROUND #AND SHALL THIS NEXT FAMILY JOIN THEM? CHIIIIP YOU UNFORTUNATE BOY YOU HAVE WITNESSED SO MUCH CALAMITY #YOU ARE CALAMITY BOYYY AHAHAHAHA DONT YOU SEEE!! ZOMBIFIED AND DEAD. TRUELY MORE HAUNTED THAN EVER BEFORE. THIS WILL BE FUN #THE FIRE HURTS WHEN IT BURNS TOO LONG. BUT NOW YOUR NERVES ARE DEAD AND YOUR MIND IS FREE. BURN THIS CORPSE AS YOU WISH TO GET WHAT YOU WAN #CHIP IS NOT THE FIRE HE IS THE MATCH. I LOVE THAT IDEA SO MUCH IM SO PROUD OF IT. OHHH AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE CORRUPTION #bizly mentioned that chip wants to be a good captain. in his most corrupted state however. he would be the BEST captain.. #thAT DOESNT MEAn hes gonna just suddenly be all controlling. the BEST captain keeps his crew safe. keeps them together. keeps them alive. #and chip is doing just that! he doesnt need to stop being a good captain just bc of the corruption! he just needs to be the BEST CAPTAIN #AND THATS SUBJECTIVE BABY!! im so excited to see where chips zombie arc goes. neeeed him to get scarier and just a little more fucked up. #neEED HIM TO PERFORM ABHORANT ACTIONS THAT HAVE JAY N GILL GOING ' dude woah what the fuck...' #RIGHT I SHOULD TALK ABT MY ART TOO. this one took TOO LONGGGstarted out witha sketch how did it end up like this... #the heart and the blood KILLED ME. LOOK AT MY RENDERING LIKE HWAAATT #better not see any more mistakes after i post this.... i cant fight withit anymore....STILL RLY PROUD THO.. #I WAnted to make it visually LOOK like the grossest vomiting sound possible #i want it to make your throat feel uncomfortable. am i achieving that? i hope i am. thats tubes dude!!! like cmahn!

[kerizaret]

In case you haven't noticed May has sucked for me so far, anyway *projects onto blorbo*

#anyway haha im back hi #*throws vent art at u* #i dont know if this makes sense with canon. i dont care that much i just needed to throw it out there #but i do sometimes think about. early game tsukasa's anger being so apparent. he got angry quite a few times #and its always been very apparent #but recently he hasnt really shown much anger. at others at least. frustration at himself yes but not really. anger #and i know its also bc hes been doing better and hes got friends and all but. sometimes i wonder if he gets scared of his anger #if he ever gets angry and remembers how it was his rage that ruined wxs the first time #and thinks to himself that he cant let it happen ever again. he cant let anger get the best of him again. he cant hurt his friends again #sorry kasa i have some issues with anger so you have them now too #you can ignore this but i already drew it so why not post it #this got me out of artblock #prsk #prsk fa #prsk art #tenma tsukasa #wxs #wonderlands x showtime #kerizart

[opikiquu]

.Aventurine. Aventurine. Boy wh y

#★ arin rambles #★ my art #my best friend finished aventurines boss in 1 try #(i was stuck so i never knew what happened after) #wish she never did #im filled with so much sorrow #THE NOTE. THE NOTE THE NOTE THE NOTE #HE. CARES HE CARES SO M #IM DOOMED #IM TOO LITTLE FOR ALL THIS SADNESS #SO MUCH . TEARS . TOO MANY SAD. WHY. WHYYY MEEEE #The note……… Im never ever gonna drop this ever #Aventurine’s story will haunt me forever #(affectionately) #so good….. but like in a painful way. Like ive been crying for 3 days now #today was the worst offense. MY HEAD HURTS STILL #SAVE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE CALLED escape penacony obby! #ill stop rambling now . I need . Rest. Or a ratiorine overdose whichever i find first #i hope my best friends dont see these tags they’ll think im pathetic #And i am. But nobody has to know that #THE NOTE— Okay fine ill stop ILL STOP #hsr penacony spoilers #hsr penacony #penacony #dr ratio x aventurine #dr ratio #aventurine x dr ratio #aventio #ratiorine #hsr aventurine

[loving-jack-kelly]

something something jack and davey both thinking they were acts of service love language types because they were both so deeply insecure in themselves that they needed to feel useful to feel loved. and something something both of them finding for the first time with each other that they don't need to provide utility to be loved. and something something this spilling out into the rest of their lives as they make each other better and push each other to grow.

#it's slow and it's painful and it's rough going sometimes #jack realizing that as much as he loves his friends and he loves them with everything he is he's never fully trusted that they love him too #and reconciling how much he trusts them in everything else with how little he let himself trust their affection for him #hurts. and is hard. #and for davey realizing that maybe he hasn't been the good nice perfect son he's always tried to be #because he loves doing it #but because he feels like he /has/ to be that anchor for them so there's somebody doing it #that he /has/ to serve a function in the family or else what's the point of being in a family? #reconciling the genuine love he has for his parents and siblings with the resentment he's successfully ignored for so long #realizing that he's never felt like he /could/ fully be himself because what if it made the people he loves look bad? #that hurts and is not fun and is not easy #but both of them settle into each other and the knowledge that as they untangle these complicated emotions and what to do about them #jack knows he loves davey regardless and davey knows he loves jack regardless #and they trust the other means it when they say it #and so as hard as it is and as much as it sucks and as painful as each new realization is #they knows they have somebody to come home to who doesn't care how messy it all is and will truthfully say I love you anyway #newsies #jack kelly #davey jacobs #javid #javey

[cavinginhisfvce]

Modern!AU

'I can explain, please..."

The first time they hooked up had been after Tina's Halloween party. 

It was rushed, intense, but that small taste of Billy had Steve dropping to his knees every other day for the next two months.

What started as a means of getting off, soon began to morph into something real.

At least for Billy it had been.

But, one Monday morning, after a particularly bad round with his father that left him bedridden for the week, Billy had walked into school to the murmurs of Steve and Nancy having rekindled their relationship. 

Apparently, they'd worked out their issues and were back stronger than ever.

The blond would be lying if he said it hadn't stung. Would probably admit to anyone who bothered to ask or care that his chest felt hollow with each whisper of the couple.

But, no one cared, no one ever did when it came to Billy. He couldn't blame them, he made caring a task. 

It wasn't hard to see why Steve had chosen to get back with Nancy rather than pursue an actual relationship with the boy.

They'd been headed down that path, they had been going on small dates to test the waters, testing their chemistry beyond the bedroom.

Not that any of it mattered anymore, because Steve had Nancy again, and Billy was left alone.

He's almost glad he never worked up the nerve to tell Steve about Neil, at least as far as the latter knew, Neil was just stricter than strict, and would sometimes lay into Billy if he really fucked up.

Which was only partially a lie, because 'sometimes' was nearly daily, but that was Billy's business.

For the following week, Billy seemed to be just going through the motions, despite his still healing ribs and face, Billy was quick to egg his father on in ways he hadn't dared since moving to Hawkins, but he'd wanted to feel something besides the constant ache in his chest, and feel he did. His bruised body parts came back with a vengeance, any sudden movement was a race against gasping in pain, and outright crying. But, he was managing. He was okay.

He was content to pretend Steve didn't exist outside of basketball practice, but apparently that wasn't good enough for King Steve, because after a grueling practice, he'd cornered Billy when everyone had gone home and the younger had finally snuck into the showers. He wasn't keen on bathing with the team when his chest and back both resembled some sort of fucked painting. 

Billy had just managed to peel his shirt off and toss it aside when Steve walked up to him, his arms crossed over his chest as he took in the state of Billy's body.

The intensity in his stare was enough to have Billy gritting his teeth and spitting out, "the fuck you want, man?" 

He'd gone for anger, but even he clocked the tired twinge in his speech. 

"You haven't answered any of my texts." 

Billy couldn't help the laugh that bubbled from his lips, his head shaking in disbelief. "Because I blocked your number, Harrington."

"What? Why?" Steve sounded hurt when he asked, and wasn't that just fucking hilarious. 

"Got nothing to say to you, King Steve." The name was accompanied by a sneer, a look perfected from years of practice and use.

"Baby…" Steve's voice had gone soft in that way it always did when he spoke to Billy behind closed doors, the way it probably gets for Nancy now.

It's that thought that has Billy taking a step back from Steve, his head shaking quickly as he raises an accusatory finger in his direction, "No! You don't get to call me that anymore!" 

Steve's brow pinched in visible confusion, but Billy looked away so their eyes no longer held the latter's gaze. 

Steve looked almost ready to protest, to demand an answer for why Billy had flown off the handle at him, before he seemed to realize what was happening, and his hands reached out to grab at the smaller of the two. 

Who once again took a step back from Steve as if he was being burned, only to hit the wall with a barely concealed wince.

Any response Steve had was snuffed out, when it seemed like for the first time in that moment, Steve had cataloged Billy's injuries. Especially if the way he gasped and once again reached out to him was meant to mean anything.

"Bills, what's going on?"

This startled a laugh out of the shorter boy, his hands messily replacing his once discarded shirt. "Fuck off, Harrington. You had your fun, let it go."

Again, Steve appeared to be genuinely hurt at Billy's words, but it hadn't detoured him, "My fun? What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Whatever you need for it to mean."

"Is this about Nancy? I was gonna tell you, I swear…" The guilt lacing the older boy's words was enough to Billy. It was all too telling. 

"Tell me what, Stevie? That I was just a placeholder for you, a warm hole whose feelings were never important? That I wasn't ever an option, because why the fuck would I ever be?"

If Billy's voice cracked with every word, neither male commented on it. If Billy's eyes filled with unshed tears, it didn't matter to anyone but the blond himself, who subtly raised his hands to wipe below his waterline. 

"No! Gods, Billy, no.." He was shaking his head, but all Billy could focus on was the pounding in his ears, and the way his chest constricted as he tried to take in air. 

"I can explain, please…"

#billy antis dni #billy hargrove #billy hargrove deserved better #billy hargrove protection squad #harringrove #steve harrington #billy hargrove needs a hug #steve fucked up #billy wont hear him out #hes been hurt too much #this pain? it feels like it could be end of him holding it together #i love steve but angst #its anyones guess why steve got back with nancy #use ur imaginations #my reason is stupid so i shant share it <3 #feel free to share urs tho! #i wrote this with a broken brain so enjoy my typos and nonsense <3 #modern era #i can explain please

[daily-hanamura]

#p4 #persona 4 #p4g #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #anyone that says yosuke is nothing but mean and awful to Kanji should meet me in the parking lot #we're not going to throw hands im just going to show you my 100 slide powerpoint presentation on their complex dynamic #for me one of the most appealing things about yosuke is how human and realistic he's been written #he is simultaneously capable of immense empathy and care towards his friends while at the same time struggle with his own identity #combined with a difficultly in self expression that results in him making tactless and hurtful remarks at times #thats not to say it makes those remarks ok - far from it! #but i think reducing yosuke to just those remarks makes him a rather empty caricature #which is such a shame especially considering that his entire personal narrative arc has been about confronting himself so he can be better #but anyway yes he cares about his friends he cares about their well being so much #he didnt have any obligation or a responsibility to look out for his juniors but he did so anyway without anyone asking #and it's so!!! because kanji does not look like he needs babying at all. hes taller than both yosuke and yu and he looks way older too #kanji has taken care of biker gangs by himself and is known to be intimidating #not that any of that fazes yosuke? kanji is his friend now hes one of them and therefore yosuke immediately wants to look out for him #god hanamura yosuke you so!!! #AAAAAAAAH #he's good with his queue

[grahamcarmen]

#red crackle #red crackle thoughts #carmen x gray #gifs #carmen x graham #gray x carmen #graham x carmen #see i can't help but go OOOOOH PETTI SPAGETTI SANWHICHES [while i eat popcorn] #but also the way dark! carmen slumps before getting up and calling him a traitor [whens the other traitor in her eyes IS important #and she never really got over it] #and ughh it sounds so petty BECAUSE she's hurt #or even how gray is distancing himself too when he says it #:( armed and dangerous and putting on his smugness #like he isn't gonna soft face twice smh #GAH he's like :( the cafe meant nothing but he's scoffing and smiling before putting it aside #also i was a loser and said wow...they're a pretty couple- #these two put me thru so much pain [enjoying the drama of it all] #if they can't be soft at the end of all this nonsense it will have been for naught i fear </3

[itmightrain]

it's so brennan to make the villain of the season a dead rage god but also make sure to include themes about how rage is not always bad

#dimension 20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high junior year #like with ally and cassandra in the mall fight too #anyway its been funny to see people hate porter so much #totally makes sense that if you had bad experiences with teachers that he'd upset you! #and it was completely unfair and so frustrating to see how his belief about what gorgug needed was hurting gorgug #but so far hes seemed to be primarily motivated by wanting gorgug to fullfill his potential #like genuinely wanting what he believes is best for his student #and that doesnt make him right but it also doesnt make him a villain ahahaha

[justafriend-ql]

I love you, Ray. I'll never abandon you. ONLY FRIENDS Episode 4

#only friends the series #ofts #only friends #raymew #khaotung thanawat #book kasidet #melgifs #there is something irrevocably tragic about ray and mew's relationship that i'm drawn to #mew has undoubtedly been there for ray when he was in crisis #and that creates a bond deeper than friendship but also estranges them in a way #because mew cannot be everything ray wants him to be. and it isn't fair for ray to expect that of him #but that doesn't mean mew's absence doesn't hurt #and i think it hurts mew too. because as much as he wants his relationship with ray to stay the same #it's not the same. it's been tainted without either one of them meaning for that to happen #anyway! these two shots felt like intentional mirrors of each other so i thought i'd make a set

[ddenji]

okay i think this is about to be an unpopular opinion but…. these two are like 2 sides of the same coin to me. beyond the shared public safety allegiance, they both violate denji's autonomy (yoshida stripping him to his underwear, tying him up, and threating his family in chapter 132 vs fumiko assaulting him in the movie theater in chapter 136) and work against his own best interest for the sake of the government. however, while they both take action in trying to force denji to do what they want, fumiko takes a more directly active role in the space of the fanatic who can't see/ doesnt care about the human behind her idol, whereas yoshida takes the more passive role of the government drone who wont act to protect the human if it means going against orders. in previous chapters, fumiko actively runs away from denji, leaving him to fight for himself, while yoshida passively tells denji that he isnt allowed to protect himself, putting him in harms way in his own right (and there is still the underlying threat of violence there if he tries to protect himself). even in the panels from this chapter, we see fumiko being active about her disregard for denji's well being by asking for little pieces of him, where yoshida is more passive in his disregard of the plan to dismember denji with a simple "yeah" answer. i know that they also have their differences, but i just think that they share intentional similarities (that other characters, particularly in the chainsaw man church, also share!!) that overall lead to denji getting hurt.

#chainsaw man #csm #chainsaw man manga spoilers #csm 156 #spence.speaks #guys pls don't come for me... #know that this is all fun & games and if yoshida is your scrimblo then please enjoy away!!! but #listen. the yaoi goggles are real and they're blinding some people #sorry…. just know that i've been there too.... #i don't really like either of them... but i hate to see a man get praised while a woman is getting hated on #it doesn't sit right with me #i've just lived through too much fandom misogyny to let fumiko get hate every chapter (even though it's deserved) #while yoshida gets “aww it must be really hard for him to hurt denji like this” (which is definitely not deserved at this point.) #don't worry guys in 20 chapters when yoshida finally shakes off public safety and helps denji i'll be willing to take this back #but until then... he is not denji's friend to me lol #anyways enough waxing about this #flop post incoming

[arthursfuckinghat]

I'm still on chapter two of my second run but I'm learning and questioning a lot about Dutch the more I stay at camp.

The way he flicks from "you were always special to me, Arthur" to "I know you'll betray me in the end, you're the type" in the same day - and how frankly unfazed Arthur is to any of this really makes me wonder what it was really like for him growing up with Dutch as one of his parental figures.

Was it normal for Dutch to go back on his praises so often? Was it normal for Arthur to not take Dutch's words to heart because he knows he probably won't mean it? Did Arthur grow up having to be desensitised to any kind of praise because of Dutch's constant hot and cold reactions? What part did Hosea have in helping Arthur understand Dutch's ways?

Did anybody else see how Dutch (and partly Hosea, he isn't free of blame either) was indoctrinating Arthur through all their years together? How Dutch had perfectly crafted Arthur into being his personal work horse and guard dog?

Even in his final breaths, Arthur did not once blame Dutch for his demise or express any anger, he simply confessed how much he had tried and given Dutch all he had. He was hurt and exhausted and confused, the man who raised him had left him to die again.

He had chosen Micah, a man Dutch had known for not even a fraction of the time he had known Arthur, because Micah tells Dutch all the things he wants to hear.

Whereas Arthur asks questions, offers suggestions and isn't afraid to express his opinion - All the things Dutch dislikes and tends to mock him for (take the 'I insist' conversation for example), he sees it as a question of his authority and his 'faith' ideals.

Dutch seemed to need Arthur so much more than Arthur needed Dutch, was he afraid that Arthur would realise that?

Was Dutch threatened by Arthurs place in the gang?

#I have so much more to add to this but I dont want to ramble too much #but god my heart is hurting #arthur was saved from the streets only to have been manipulated into working until he dies #almost a cult like indoctrination? #its proof that the 'trolley brain damage theory' is frankly offensive to the writing that went into dutch's character #but thats just my thoughts #feel free to add yours!! #mick squeaks #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #dutch van der linde #hosea matthews #red dead redemption 2 spoilers #liveblogging