#don’t know if i’ll commit since i only like one group rn ^^;

[aweina]

it took a lot of thinking but i decided to create a side blog for kpop writing

#just a lil experiment #don’t know if i’ll commit since i only like one group rn ^^; #just wanted to make another cute blog sigh #+ ik not everyone indulges in kpop / celebrity fics so this is a good divide:)) #now to think of a theme …

[meruz]

once again i am answering asks in a big compilation post. included is... gotham, patrick stump, tips about drawing backgrounds, tips about drawing in general, links to my faq, and infinity train

like.... the tv series? No... I’ve drawn dc comics fanart before, though. But it’s been years since I’ve been really into it. I like jumped ship like 10 years ago when the New 52 happened LOL.

AFJHDSLKGH I’m sorry I (probably) won’t do it again??

Actually full disclosure I have a truly cringe amount of p stump drawings/photo studies in my sketchbook right now LOL. He’s just fun to draw... hats, glasses, guitar, a good shape... but I don’t think I’ll rly post those until I can hide them in another big sketchbook pdf.. probably Jan 2022. Stay tuned........ (ominous) 

(ominous preview)

These are all sort of related to backgrounds/painting so I grouped them together even though they’re pretty much entirely separate questions.... ANYWAYS

a) How is it working as a BG artist? Is it hard? What show are you drawing for?

I think you’re the first person to ever ask me about my job! Being a background artist is great. It’s definitely labor intensive but I think that could describe pretty much any art job (If something were rote or easy to automate, you wouldn’t hire an artist to do it) and I hesitate to say whether its harder or easier than any other role in the animation pipeline. Plus, so much of what truly makes a job difficult varies from one production to the next, schedule, working environment, co-workers etc. But I will say that I think while BGs are generally a lot of work on the upfront, I think they’re subject to less scrutiny/revisions than something like character/props/effects design and you don’t have to pitch them to a room like boards. So I guess it’s good if you don’t like to talk to people? LOL

A lot of my previous projects + the show I’ve worked on the longest aren’t public yet so I can’t talk about em (but I assure you if/when the news does break I won’t shut up about it). But I’m currently working on Archer Season 12 LOL. I’m like 90% sure I’m allowed to say that.

b) ~~~THANK YOU!! ~~~

c) What exactly do you like to draw most [in a background]?

@kaitomiury​ Lots of stuff! I really like to draw clutter! Because it’s a great opportunity for environmental storytelling and also you can be kind of messy with it because the sheer mass will supersede any details LOL. 

I like to draw clouds... I like to draw grass but not trees lol,,, I like to draw anything that sells perspective really easily like tiled floors and ceilings, shelves, lamp posts on a street etc.

d) Do you have any tips on how to paint (observational)?

god there’s so much to say. painting is really a whole ass discipline like someone can paint their whole life and still discover new things about it. I guess if you’re really just starting out my best advice is that habit is more important than product. especially with traditional plein air painting, I find that the procedure of going outside and setting up your paints is almost harder than the actual painting. There’s a lot of artists who say “I want to do plein air sometime!!” and then never actually get around to doing it. A lot of people just end up working from google streetview or photos on their computer.

But going outside to paint is a really good challenge because it forces you to make and commit to lighting and composition decisions really quickly. And to work through your mistakes instead of against them via undo button.

My last tip is to check out James Gurney’s youtube channel because hes probably the best and most consistent resource on observational painting out there rn. There’s lots other artists doing the same thing (off the top of my head I know a lot of the Warrior Painters group has people regularly posting plein air stuff and lightbox expo had a Jesse Schmidt lecture abt it last year) but Gurney’s probably the most prolific poster and one of the best at explaining the more technical stuff - his books are great too.

e) Do you have tips for drawing cleanly on heavypaint?

@marigoldfool​ UMM LOL I LIKE ONLY USE THE FILL TOOL so maybe use the fill tool? Fill and rectangle are good for edge control as opposed to the rest of the heavy paint tools which can get sort of muddles. And also I use a stylus so maybe if you’re using your finger, find a stylus that works with your device instead. That’s all I’ve got, frankly I don’t think my drawings are particularly clean lol.

f) Tips on improving backgrounds/scenes making them more dynamic practicing etc?

Ive given some tips about backgrounds/scenes before so I’m not gonna re-tread those but here’s another thing that might be helpful...

I think a good way to approach backgrounds is to think of the specific story or even mood you want to convey with the background first. Thinking “I just need to put something behind this character” is going to lead you to drawing like... a green screen tourist photo backdrop. But if you think “I need this bg to make the characters feel small” or “I need this bg to make the world feel colorful” then it gives you requirements and cues to work off of.

If I know a character needs to feel overwhelmed and small, then I know I need to create environment elements that will cage them in and corner them. If a character needs to feel triumphant/on top of the world then I know I need to let the environment open up around them. etc. If I know my focal point/ where I want to draw attention, I can build the background around that.

Also, backgrounds like figure compositions will have focal points of their own and you can draw attention to it/ the relationship the characters have with the bg element via scale or directionality or color, any number of cues. I think of it almost as a second/third character in a scene.

Not every composition is gonna have something so obvious like this but it helps me to think about these because then the characters feel connected and integrated with the environment.

Some more general art questions

a) Do you have any process/tips to start drawing character/bodies/heads?

I tried to kind of draw something to answer this but honestly this is difficult for me to answer because I don’t think I’m that great at drawing characters LOL. Ok, I think I have two tips.

1) flip your canvas often. A lot about what makes human bodies look correct and believable is symmetry and balance. Even if someone has asymmetrical features, the body will often pull and push in a way to counterbalance it. we often have inherent biases to one side or another like dominant hands dominant eyes etc. you know how right-handed artists will often favor drawing characters facing 45 degrees facing (the artist’s) left? that’s part of it. so viewing your drawing flipped even just to evaluate it helps compensate for that bias and makes you more aware of balance.

2) draw the whole figure often. I feel like a lot of beginner artists (myself included for a long time) defer to just drawing headshots or busts because it’s easier, you dont have to think about posing limbs etc. But drawing a full body allows you to better gauge proportion, perspective, body language, everything that makes a character look believable and grounded.

Like if you (me) have that issue where you draw the head too big and then have to resize it to fit the proportions of the rest of the body, it’s probably because you (I) drew the head first and are treating the body as an afterthought/attachment. Sketching out the whole figure first or even just quick drawing guides for it will help you think of it more holistically. I learned this figure drawing in charcoal at art school LOL.

oh. third mini tip - try to draw people from life often! its the best study. if you can get into a figure drawing/nude drawing class EVEN BETTER and if you have a local college/art space/museum that hosts those for free TREASURE IT AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, that’s a huge boon that a lot of artists (me again) wish they had. though if youre not so lucky and youre sitting in a park trying to creeper draw people and they keep moving.. don’t let that stop you! that’s good practice because it’s forcing you to work fast to get the important stuff down LOL. its a challenge!

b) I’ve been pretty out of energy and have had no inspiration to draw but I have the desire to. Any advice?

Dude, take a walk or something.... Or a nap? Low energy is going to effect everything else so you gotta hit that problem at its source.

If you’re looking for inspiration though, I’d recommend stuff like watching a movie, reading a book, playing video games etc. Fill up your idea bank with content and then give yourself time/space to gestate it into new concepts. Sometimes looking at other art works but sometimes it can work against you because it’s too close. 

Also something that helps me is remembering that art doesn’t always have to be groundbreaking... like it’s okay to make something shitty and stupid that you don’t post online and only show to your friend. That’s all part of the process imo. If you want to hit a home run you gotta warm up first, right? Sports.

I should probably compile everytime i give tips on stuff like this but that’s getting dangerously close to being a social media artist who makes stupid boiled down art tutorials for clout which is the last thing i want to be... the thing I want to stress is that art is a whole visual language and there are widely agreed upon rules and customs but they exist in large part to be broken. Like there's an infinite number of ways to reach an infinite number of solutions and that’s actually what makes it really cool and personal for both the artist and the viewer. So when you make work you like or you find someone else’s work you like, take a step back and ask yourself what about it speaks for you, what about it works for you, what makes it effective, how to recreate that effect and how to break that effect completely, etc. And have a good time with it or else what’s the point.

for the first 2, I direct you to my FAQ

For the last one, I don’t actually believe I’ve ever addressed artwork as insp for stories/rp but I’ll say here and now yeah go ahead! As long as you’re not making profit or taking credit for my work then I’m normally ok with it. Especially anything thats private and purely recreational, that’s generally 100% green light go. I only ask that if you post it anywhere public that you please credit me.

(and I reserve the right to ask you to take it down if I see it and don’t approve of it’s use but I think that case is pretty rare.)

a) @lemuelzero101 Thank you!!! I haven’t played Life is Strange but actually  that series’ vis dev artist Edouard Caplain is one of my bigger art inspirations lately so that’s a really high compliment lol. And yeah I hope we get 5-8 too...!

b) Thank you for sticking around! I’ve been thinking about Digimon and Infinity Train in tandem lately, actually. They’re a little similar? Enter a dangerous alternate world and have wacky adventures with monsters/inanimate objects that have weird powers... there’s like weird engineers and mechanisms behind the scenes... also frontier literally starts with them getting on a train. Anyways if anyone else followed me for digimon... maybe you’d like Infinity Train? LOL

c) @king-wens-king I’M GLAD MY ART JUST HAS PINOY VIBES LOL I hope you are having a good day too :^)

a, b, c, d) yessss my Watch Infinity Train agenda is working....

e) aw thank you!! i think you should watch infinity train :)

#ask #trying this new thing where i tag people in the body of the post instead

[motherjoel]

technicalities (spencer reid x fem!reader)

summary: garcia invited the team over for a party at her house to celebrate your birthday- you’re all sucked into games of truth or dare and 7 minutes in heaven

a/n: this is kinda short but just something i felt like writing rn lmao. 

wc: 1.4k

-

“Alright, circle up my fine furry friends!” Garcia yelled, ushering everyone from their comfortable positions on the couch to her floor, forming a lopsided circle. You were all sufficiently under the influence to celebrate your birthday, which had been a surprise party planned and hosted by none other than Penelope Garcia herself. The whole team was invited, and they were glad to finally be able to let go for just one night. You settled between Emily and Spencer- Emily was a few drinks ahead of you, but Spencer still had his wits about him (he was most definitely not sober, however). 

“What game are we playing now, baby girl?” asked Morgan, slinging his arm around Penelope as he settled on the floor. Derek could hold his drinks pretty well, but he was definitely buzzed. 

“We are starting with truth or dare,” she said as she began to explain the rules like you were a group of teenagers. “I’ll start with asking the birthday girl and she can choose who to ask from there,” she said like a giddy high schooler. You sighed, taking a long sip from your drink before preparing yourself to be embarrassed by whatever Penelope had in store. “So, Y/N, truth or dare?” she asked with a smirk. You could feel everyone's eyes on you, paying special attention to Spencer’s, which were boring into the side of your head. 

“Dare,” you smirked, feeling the alcohol give you a bit of courage.

“I dare you,” she started, grabbing an empty wine bottle from behind her, “to switch shirts with whoever this lands on,” she giggled before spinning the bottle. There was no point in arguing with her- once you committed, you were committed. The bottle spun for a few seconds before landing on Morgan, who was wearing a simple black button up. He looked at you, eyes gazing down to your skin tight v-neck floral top. You couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Oh god,” said JJ with a giggle, as the two of you stood up. You began to walk to the bathroom to change before Morgan started to unbutton his shirt, greeted with whoops and hollers from the girls, Rossi and Hotch averting their eyes. Spencer's gaze was locked on you. 

“Okay, if we're doing it that way, I’m game,” you laughed, pulling your shirt over your head, leaving you in only your bra and jeans. The girls whooped once again, and Hotch coughed, him and Rossi refusing to look your way. Spencer immediately looked at his hands- he felt bad seeing you like this, especially if you were under the influence. You tossed your shirt to Morgan and he handed you his. 

“Don’t rip that,” you warned him as he tried his best to squeeze it over his head.

“Hey, you too,” he pointed at you, who was currently swimming in his button up. Everyone laughed as you sat back down, in the same position next to Spencer.

“Is it safe?” Rossi asked, his head in his hands.

“Yes, yes, you don’t have to be afraid of being seduced by Morgan. I know you’re worried about that,” said Emily, finishing her glass of wine.

“Hey, he’s had a million wives- maybe he should give husbands a try,” said JJ, who was most definitely sloshed. You looked to Spencer, who had been awfully quiet the entire night.

“It’s my turn to ask, right?” you looked to Garcia for confirmation and she nodded. “Okay, Spencer. Truth or Dare?” you asked as the blush rose on his cheeks.

“Truth,” he answered, taking a slow sip from the drink in his hands. You thought for a moment before deciding. 

“When’s the last time you’ve had a crush on someone?” you asked, totally not for yourself. He blushed and looked at his hands and you could feel your heart drop a bit- he did already. And you doubted it was you.

“Uh, I do now,” he confessed, as Morgan shouted “you dog!” and Penelope gasped with as much drama as she could conjure.

“Oh my gosh. Spencer Reid, spill!” Penelope laughed, pointing a finger at him. Suddenly, everyone was focused on him.

“That wasn’t the question! Technically, my turn is over,” he defended himself, putting up his hands.

“Spencer Reid, always with the technicalities,” you said, ruffling his hair. He ignored his heartbeat picking up in his chest. He sat in silence for a few moments, expectant eyes on him. “It’s your turn now,” you whispered in his ear, sending a shiver down his spine.

“Oh, uh, JJ. Truth or dare,” he said.

“Dare!” JJ shouted, without realizing how loud she was being.

“Okay, uh, I dare you to…” he struggled to think of something before you whispered an idea in his ear, sending a familiar shiver down his spine. “I dare you to play a round of spin the bottle,” he said, feeling your arm pressed against his body. It was probably a mistake he thought- you probably didn’t realize you were touching him. You did.

“Okay, someone hand me a bottle,” JJ said, taking the empty wine bottle from Garcia and spinning it, having it land on Emily. They both shrugged before pecking each other on the lips. Hotch sighed, shaking his head in amusement. Rossi had been focused on his whiskey most of the night. You had played a few more rounds before everyone had run out of dare ideas- Derek had since rid himself of your shirt, opting to play shirtless (you were actually quite comfortable in his button up). 

“Okay, next up is seven minutes in heaven!” Garcia squealed, receiving mixed responses. Emily and JJ cheered, Spencer gulped from next to you, Morgan looked extremely ready, and Rossi and Hotch had retired to the kitchen for some more sophisticated conversation.

“Okay, since it’s Y/N’s birthday, I will be giving her the honor of first person in the closet,” Garcia said, as if she was doing you a favor. “I will be choosing the next person at random,” she said, closing her eyes and spinning around with an outstretched finger before landing on Spence, who was wide-eyed and even more red than before (if that was possible). 

You stood up and reached your hand out to grab Spencer, which he reluctantly took. You guided him into the dark closet, Emily following you both and slamming the door behind you (not without making her fair share of kissy noises first).

“Be safe, you kids,” you could hear Rossi yell from the other side of the door. You both sat down across from each other, sitting in silence for a moment.

“So… I’ve never played this before, obviously. Do you… um, do you know the rules?” Spencer asked- he had a pretty good idea of what you were supposed to be doing, but he didn’t want to be too forward.

“Well, technically, we’re supposed to hook up or something. But you obviously don’t wanna do that Spence so we can just sit and… talk, if you'd like,” you told him in the darkness. His heart swelled at your compassion for his need for space- and he swore it was the alcohol- but before he knew it his hands were on the sides of your face, his lips pressed firmly on yours. He pulled away after a moment when you hadn’t reciprocated the kiss. “I’m sorry, I think im drunk,” Spencer said, and although you couldn’t see his face, you could hear the disappointment in his voice. 

“Um, never apologize for that. I was just shocked, I’m glad you did... that,” you confessed. Spencer took this as an invitation to lean back in- it was, and you had the same idea. Your lips met in the middle, moving with perfect synchronicity. You moved to straddle him, tugging on his hair as his hands rested on your waist- you had never felt such fire and passion in a kiss before, and before you knew it you had lost track of time. The closet door had been swung open by Morgan, who was next to Garcia (of course she had her phone recording and ready). The whole team gasped as you looked up from your position on Spencer’s lap, both of you breathing heavily and red-faced.

“Happy Birthday to Y/L/N,” teased Hotch, standing with the rest of the team who all had similarly shocked faces.

“Well, I definitely don’t want that shirt back,” Derek laughed.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid/reader #Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds reid #criminal minds spencer reid #penelope garcia #derek morgan #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #aaron hotchner #hotch #david rossi #spencer reid/you #spencer reid/oc #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x oc

[springday-aus]

Enemies to Lovers!AU with Xiaojun

—

Group: NCT [+ WayV]

Member: Xiaojun / Xiao Dejun

Genre: fluff, comedy, romance 

Type: Bulletpoint AU 

Word Count: approx. 2.4k

so, you’re Xiaojun’s enemy (he thinks of it more of his number one attacker tho)

it wasn’t hard considering he’s always on fight or flight mode and considering his friend group….

fight mode is always activated

(ง’̀-‘́)ง

so it started when you became friends with Ten

the guy is so sociable, so you were bound to meet him and his other friends someday

but jesus christ, there were soooo many of them

it was a party; he threw a literal party of just him and his friends

and then there were others who turned it into a rave (i.e. Hendery, Yangyang, Chenle and Donghyuk)

anyways, you got to mingle and make so many new friends

it was going really well

until Xiaojun entered the picture

things went well with him too, until you made a joke that didn’t exactly land with him

but it landed well with the others

Lucas: “who in their right mind would like mint chocolate”

Xiaojun: “but I like mint chocolate”

You: “then you’re not in your right mind lmao”

YangYang: “I mean, is Xiaojun ever in his right mind tho”

everyone laughs

except for one person

Xiaojun stood up, staring you down for a hot second, before trying to argue back

in which YangYang was the main responder

you didn’t really think much of it, laughing away with the others

but, to him, you just declared war that day

it shouldn’t have bothered him as much as it did

but it did

so, from then on, things just got rockier

bc he started picking fights with you over the littlest things or he would argue with your points no matter what

you didn’t really think much of it bc he was also being picked on everyone else and you were like

every man for themselves huh

it wasn’t until he personally attacked you

it happened on Halloween

and he made an underhanded comment about how he’d look better in anything compared to you

so you made a “friendly” bet

but then you lost

bc Xiaojun looked better in the Jasmine costume than you and he def knew it too

and when he smirked at you

the grudge had been built

that’s probably when the mutual enemy status circulated around your friends

although, if they’re being honest, it’s so entertaining

especially since most of them like to gang up on Xiaojun too

and because of that unity, it’s only made things worse

from what the others can tell

you two don’t hate each other, but you def don’t get along

it ranges to food (e.g. mint chocolate chip incident that NO ONE lets go)

Lucas: “mint choco ain’t shit”

You: “retweet”

Xiaojun: “the attacks”

YangYang: “we cannot trust a man who eats bread with fucking lao gan ma”

You: “you eat what with bread?”

Xiaojun: “shut up. all of you.”

to activities

cue you two fighting about what movie to watch

Xiaojun: “Titanic is a classic!!!”

You: “it’s a joke, there was rOOM ON THE FUCKING DOOR”

Xiaojun: “IT’S ROMANTIC. HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF SO SHE CAN LIVE.”

You: “THAT’S NOT ROMANTIC. THAT’S SUICIDAL, DUMBASS.”

this feud is def bc you’re both petty as fuck

the bickering is nonstop

but, if the nct boys are being honest

they’re lowkey confused bc Xiaojun is supposed to have a really high emotional tolerance

he doesn’t even yell this much at YangYang or Ten

(excluding that one time he hit YangYang with that pillow very hard)

but he does blow off his top when it comes to you

which is sus to a lot of the boys

whenever someone does ask him tho

he just kind of……………

mumbles underneath his breath and then moves onto something else

meanwhile, Yuta: “isn’t he always like that?”

Kun: “who wants to tell him”

lmao, I’m kidding

kind of

anyways, you two are really just going at it

what changes?

you have to go to the dentist and get your molars removed

which means someone has to take you and go pick you up

obviously, Ten was going to do that, considering you two were the closest

so he dropped you off and you had your surgery

so what happened?

welp, your buddy Ten forgot he had a prior engagement and, hence, was unable to pick you up

cue him spamming the groupchat

and Lucas exposing Xiaojun

Lucas: Xiaojun isn’t doing anything Xiaojun: you don’t know that Lucas: I do tho, go pick up (Y/N) Ten: I’ll buy you anything from that green tea cafe you like for a week Xiaojun: deal.

so he came to pick you up, both willingly and unwillingly

and you……. you were more than a hot mess 

you were just a mess 

you basically were just blacked out that entire time after they gave you the laughing gas and completed the surgery

so you remembered absolutely nothing.

your roommate: “this is what you get for doing drugs”

You: “IT WAS PURELY FOR MEDICINAL USE”

You: “IT’S NOT LIKE I DID CRACK”

either way, your roommate let you know of the situation, taking note of how your enemy had to take you home

which

again

no recollection

your roommate: “he’s fucking hot tho”

You: “ugh, I know”

but that’s also when you decided

Ten is a dead man :)

Ten: “I’M SORRY”

You: “YOU BETTER FUCKING BE”

Ten: “I KNOW”

Ten: “............................................but………………………………….”

Ten: “maybeyoushouldalsothankhimfortakingcareofyou”

You: “sorry not sorry, I’m contemplating murder rn”

Hendery: “what do you call a murder against a friend?”

Kun: “don’t”

Ten:

You:

Hendery: “it’s a homie-cide”

You and Ten: “NOT NOW”

anyways

you knew he was right

so after you calmed down, you went to Xiaojun’s place (thanks to Ten), with some sweets to thank him

Lucas opened the door, let you in, and left to go to the gym with Sicheng

Xiaojun came out of his room, a couple of minutes after, disheveled from his nap

and when he saw you in his living room couch, his eyes widened, darting around to avoid looking at you

You: “hi”

Xiaojun: “hello”

You: “why do you look so scared? I’m not gonna jump you”

he stays quiet, the blush becoming more apparent on his cheeks

You: “Ten told me you took me home after my surgery, so…………………… thanks”

Xiaojun: “he bribed me with pastries”

You: yeah, sounds about right

You: “still”

You: “um, I didn’t know what you would like, so I brought some sweets you can just go through”

Xiaojun: “thanks”

it’s silent for another moment and you consider bolting out from the apartment, Wizards of Waverly Place, Harper-style: “see ya in p.e.!” kind of a thing

but he speaks up once more

Xiaojun: “are you feeling okay now?”

You: “uh, yeah, my jaw still kind of hurts”

You: “but I have meds they prescribed to me for the next month or so”

he decides to stop beating the bush: 

Xiaojun: “so do you remember what happened yesterday?”

You: “to be completely honest, no”

Xiaojun: “you… did a lot of things”

You: “what do you mean I did a lot of things”

Xiaojun: “you also said a lot of things too”

You: “..... are these things recorded?”

Xiaojun: “maybe”

Xiaojun: “some”

You: “dELETET HEM”

you actually considered tackling him, but deemed as too Yang-Yang-like

You: “what did I say”

Xiaojun: “I didn’t realize you thought I was handsome”

You: “wait what?”

Xiaojun: “you said, you had a crush on my ‘fine ass’”

You: “you know what? I think I’m gonna pull a Jack and commit suicide, goodbye”

Xiaojun: “ah, ah, ah, you said like, which is… present tense”

You: “semantics”

Xiaojun: “but did you like me at some point?”

You: “does it matter?”

Xiaojun: “yeah, it kind of does”

Xiaojun: “bc even tho we bicker, it’s, like, our thing”

Xiaojun: “plus, you’re kind of cute when you’re threatening to rip off my eyebrows”

You: “I did what?”

Xiaojun: “it’s no different from how you treat me now”

You: “I thought it’s because you don’t like me”

he just kind of shrugs, rubbing his neck rather sheepishly

Xiaojun: “you’ve seen my friends; arguing is our way of showing our affections”

You: “so, you’re saying this is your way of telling me you like me?”

Xiaojun: “I mean………“

Xiaojun: “are you saying you like me?”

You: “are you saying you like me?” 

*cue another argument about who likes who*

eventually, he found a way to shut you up

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

cut to Lucas and Sicheng coming back from the gym to you and Xiaojun making out on the couch

Lucas: “NASTY”

Sicheng: “what did we…. miss?”

Ten somewhere: I fucking called it.

anyways

you both decided to date that day

and you two still bicker an insane amount, which includes you nitpicking Xiaojun’s tastes to Xiaojun refusing to delete those videos of you under the laughing gas despite your threats

but, the only difference is, your arguments can end with a kiss

and it always freaks out the guys whenever you do

Donghyuk: “I’m too young to be seeing this monstrosity”

Mark: “ngl, this is nice for them—they’ve stopped arguing”

YangYang: “I weirdly prefer them arguing over them with those sappy eyes tho”

You: “we can hear you”

Chenle: “but when have we ever cared?”

You: “I’m gonna beat your ‘01 liner ass istg—”

Xiaojun: “calm”

oh, you know what’s fun about your relationship?

you two can’t agree on some stuff right?

so whenever you have to decide something, say a movie or dinner, you two just heads-or-tails it

(there’s also this cute app where you put your options on a wheel and let that decide—the amount of times you’ve used that on your dates…… anyways)

most of the time, on these dates, you seem more like an old married couple and it’s super cute

it’s bc you’re already used to your worse sides coming out—the really petty ones, the screaming ones, the ugly ones

ofc these aren’t from serious arguments that occur

(remember folks, it isn’t healthy for you and your partner to always be fighting)

but when serious arguments do occur, you both take time to sit down and talk face-to-face

it’s hard to get into actual arguments with him, especially since he really is understanding and tries to pay attention to the smaller details

Xiaojun: “I like learning more about you”

You: “you can’t just say that kind of shit to me”

like, yeah, he’ll debate with you all night about why he needs to read the words of his book out loud but, by the end of the day, you’ll lay your head in his lap and listen to his voice as you fall asleep

speaking of which, you love listening to him sing to you

he gets a bit embarrassed sometimes about it, but seeing you smile so brightly at him makes him forget about it

because even tho you two bicker about little things, in the end, it just makes you two laugh at one another and how ridiculous you’re being

I almost forgot, so Ten thinks of him pairing you two off right?

so, whenever he does something annoying to either of you, he’ll constantly bring it up

Ten: “I guess this is how you two treat me, your personal cupid—”

Xiaojun: “yes, yes, we are grateful for you”

You: “but it would be nice if you would stop making those annoying sounds”

Ten: “what annoying sounds?”

YangYang: “that’s just you talking”

okay, no, but yeah—the nct boys are glad this rivalry is over because it was really just…. stupid to the core

but also bc you two look super sweet together and seeing you two making each other happy rather than annoyed is adorable

but just bc you two got together doesn’t mean the pettiness isn’t still there

You: “what type of freak sleeps with their eyes opened?”

Xiaojun: “I’m sleeping next to you, of course I need to keep both eyes open”

You: “RUDE”

Xiaojun: “and yet here we are”

You: “son of a bitch”

Xiaojun: “YOUR son of a bitch”

You: “eh, I’ll take it” 

#admin grandma #grandma aus #aus #fluff #romance #kpop #kpop aus #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #nct #nct aus #nct imagines #nct scenarios #wayv #wayv aus #wayv imagines #wayv scenarios #nct xiaojun #nct dejun #wayv xiaojun #wayv dejun #xiaojun aus #xiaojun imagines #xiaojun scenarios #enemies to lovers!au #enemies to lovers!xiaojun #group: nct #group: wayv #member: xiaojun

[hansolmates]

jjk; angel’s trumpet [08]

summary; one second, your life is flashing before your eyes and the next, you’re transported into a world exactly like your own. but the jungkook you meet in this world isn’t a renowned singer or your former almost-lover, in fact he has no clue who you are and why you know him so well. as you work to find your way home lost and confused, you conclude that you’re either dead or in the middle of the most wicked drug trip of your life. pairing; idol!jk x reader (f), alternatively film producer!jk x reader genre/warnings; fluff, angst, supernatural, idol!au, non-idol!au, alternate universes, themes of fate, language, alcohol consumption, in this chapter–mentions of sex, a panic attack w.c; 4.5k a/n; can’t believe there’s one more chapter after this! (+the bonus chapter!) its such a bittersweet feeling to close this all up so i hope u all join me in my w2!jk sobbing party im making matcha cookies rn so i can wallow

[07] [08] [final] -> masterpost

Jungkook’s worried. 

After he left your apartment, he dove himself into his work and tried to get you out of his head. Somehow he ended up from his living room table to his bed, bleary and with a pen jabbing him in the cheek. He doesn’t know how he feels right now, and has micro analyzed every bit of your relationship in between breaks.

He fell fast, and loving you (as much as it scares himself to admit) was so easy it hurt. It’s why it’s so hard for him to accept that you would betray him like that. What could he have possibly done to deserve this? If you had just admitted your issues from day one, this crisis could have easily been averted and you would be with him right now. 

But that’s not why he’s worried. Jungkook wakes up the following day around 10AM, noting the dozens of messages and unanswered phone calls from Jimin and Taehyung. 

According to Taehyung, you’ve been missing for three days. Off-the-grid type of missing, to the point that Taehyung is debating on whether or not he should call the police. 

The first day you didn’t come home, Taehyung chalked it up as you spending the night at Jungkook’s. The second day however, he visits the library where your office hours are held only to find your usual table empty and your students upset over your lack of contact. 

“Here,” Doyeon had said, pointing to the vague email you sent. Taehyung skimmed through the barebones message, mentioning that you had to take an indefinite leave and that the students can email Professor Kim Namjoon if they still had lingering questions. 

Taehyung notes the sincere apology at the bottom, and how you tack on that “you are a wonderful group of students and I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.” 

Almost as if you aren’t planning to come back. 

He could hear Taehyung deflate on the line, knowing that Jungkook has no idea where you are either. 

“Did you…” Jungkook scratches his head, sitting at his kitchen table, “did you check her room for a yellow notebook?” 

“What?” Taehyung asks, “I checked her room yesterday. Y’know the weird thing is? Her room is clean, like clinically clean. There’s nothing on her desk, the sheets are washed, and her clothes are all folded and put away. Usually it’s like a whirlwind in here.” 

“Yeah,” Jungkook replies, remembering how your room is usually quite lived in, with warm sheets and a candle glowing. 

“Why aren’t you more stressed out, dude?” Taehyung says, and Jungkook instantly feels guilty. “Your girlfriend’s fucking missing, are you gonna get up and help or not?” 

“Y-yeah, I’m just a little shaken,” he manages to reply, thinking about how you tried to explain to him the other night. He pinches the bridge between his brows, regretting not letting you have your word when refusing to listen to you. Maybe if he heard it, things would have turned out differently.

Taehyung sighs, “Yeah, it’s a bit of a shock. She really isn’t like this normally, but I trust her. If you can, maybe contact Jung Hoseok? I already visited Kim Namjoon and he doesn’t know anything, but he’s the only friend I know that could have any idea.” 

Jung Hoseok. He remembers that name frequently in your notebook. Not as frequently as his, but enough to have a good idea he could be involved in your sudden departure. 

“Okay, I’ll visit him today.” 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

The tables that you usually occupy for study groups are painfully absent of your presence, noted by your stressed out students that are hoping you’ll show up unexpectedly. 

Thankfully, Hoseok is working today. Jungkook eyes him from the doorway of the playroom, seeing Hoseok carefully distribute plates of snacks as a movie plays on the flatscreen. He looks like a preschooler himself, decked out in a sunflower yellow bucket hat and denim suspenders. Jungkook tries to see if there’s anything strange emanating from Hoseok, like if he also has secrets to hide, but feels nothing of the sort.  

“You’re really creepy, Mister,” the door swings open to reveal a little girl, tugging impatiently at his cargos. 

Hoseok makes a face at Jungkook, rolling his eyes. “God, just come in. You’re scaring my children.” 

The little girl practically shoves him inside, forcing him to sit at the playtable on the very end. She then hands him a plate of cheddar Goldfish and strawberry fruit snacks, a toddler’s delicacy. Hoseok makes a show of telling the children to be quiet, focusing on the movie’s “historical elements” and “symbolic imagery” but they don’t understand any of that and just want Hoseok to move so they can watch Mulan. 

Jungkook feels like he’s being crushed in the too-small chair and Fisher-Price table, munching absentmindedly on his Goldfish. Hoseok is playing on his phone, not sparing him a glance as he texts someone. 

Jungkook swallows, wishing he had some milk to down the snack. “Uh, are you texting y/n?” 

“No,” Hoseok replies coolly. 

“Well, do you know where she is?” 

“I can tell you where she went,” Hoseok replies eerily, plucking a fruit snack from Jungkook’s place, “as to whether she’s still there or not, I’m not sure.” 

“I’m sorry, but are you mad at me?” he whisper-hisses, not wanting to disturb the children enamoured at the front of the room. He’s tired of the secrecy and blurry answers. 

“Yes, I am,” Hoseok snaps just as quietly, leaning in to get into his face, “I’m mad because I believed in you.” 

“Believed in me?” he gapes, “you don’t even know me!” 

“I may not, but I believed you’d trust y/n at least. She’s a victim too, y’know.” 

A victim? 

“Look,” Jungkook puts some space between them, afraid he would get too heated, “just tell me what’s going on so I can understand. I know I messed up, but I feel like I’ve been in the dark for God knows how long.”

Hoseok bites his lip, “It’s really not my story to tell. Y/n didn’t want to tell you right away because she wasn’t sure of the circumstances. She wasn’t sure even if she was supposed to tell you.” 

Jungkook watches the expressions morph on Hoseok’s face. He sees the faith in his gaze, as he holds his phone expectantly, as if he’s also waiting for a sign that you’re okay. Jungkook suppresses a sigh, looking at his own blank screen. Shaking his head, he manages to smile knowing that so many people believe in you.

So why can’t he? 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

You hate this. Three days ago you felt peachy keen, ready to transcend into your own universe and live your life to the fullest. 

Now three days later you’re sitting at the wine lady’s cottage, waiting for the past two days for her to show up. 

“How long does she need to go on this ‘spiritual retreat’?” you admonish, looking on angrily at the same waitress that has served you for the past two days. 

“I don’t know,” the waitress has grown tired of your presence, waiting all day in the little restaurant for the owner’s presence, “until she feels more spiritual, I guess?” 

It annoys you further that this waitress has the spitting image of Sehlyung. It’s weird to see her with natural pin straight black hair, always loving the pretty blond-white color and sacrificing her hair health for the bright hue. Every time she sees you still in the same spot, she makes it a point to roll her eyes and walk a little louder. This version of her is just as temperamental, unwilling to budge. 

You groan, shamelessly annoyed as you drop your head on your arm. “And are you sure there’s no angel’s wine in the bar? I’m willing to take the risk of switching lives with my third dimension-self at this rate.” 

The waitress eyes the one empty bottle of soju that decorate your side of the bar, chalking it up as a drunk episode. “No,” she says flatly, jerking her hand out. “Now, please pay and leave. We’re closing up, but I’ll give you a call if she decides to show up late. Since y’know, you’ve left your number here despite our protests.” 

“Can I stay until you’re at least done cleaning—” 

“No.” 

You narrow your eyes, snatching up your half-finished bottle of soju before tucking it in your purse and offering up your credit card in exchange. You know you’re not in the right mind, but you’re pulling at strings at this point and you don’t know what to do. 

After a couple paces of shaky walking and trying very hard not to appear tipsy in public, you plop yourself onto the beach, overlooking the shore. You place your backpack next to you, taking off your shoes and dipping your toes in the sand. 

You glare hard at the moon, despite the distance the big ball of extraterrestrial rock is bright and full. It reflects in the ocean and bathes you in it’s grace. 

Sighing at its beauty, you take a swig of your soju as your feet wade in the water. The touch of the ocean is glaringly cold, but your body feels warm and the contrast is appropriately jarring. You feel stuck between two worlds, your body in one while your heart is in the other, desperate to find the bridge to bring you home. 

What exactly was the goal in bringing you here? Did you need a break from your real life? Did fate want you to remedy your relationship with Jungkook? Were you supposed to rewrite the wrongs you committed in your other life? 

You snort, taking a long swig. It's easy to see how well that went. 

You miss your life back home. As much as you love the one your alternate self has made here, nothing compares to Sehlyung’s humor and dirty jokes. Nothing compares to the look on Beomgyu’s face after getting a sentence translation correct. Nothing compares to the way Jungkook looks for only you after a concert, desperate to give you a hug and an affirmation that he did well. 

Just as you are about to sing to the moon and beg for a reprieve, a body plops themselves next to you, snatching the bottle from your hands. 

“Y’know, normally when people run away, they leave a mysterious note.” 

You frown at Jungkook, who looks absolutely ethereal as he stares at the moon. He’s glittering in his denim jacket and black jeans, as if he’s part of an intimate moment in a slice-of-life film. You have half a mind to grab your phone and yell at Hoseok, but it’s far too late since your location has already been revealed. 

“What are you doing here?” you ask, trying not to snap when Jungkook pours the contents of your drink into the ocean. “Hey, I paid for that.” 

Ignoring you he says, “I’m here to take you home.” 

“I don’t have a home here,” you snap, and you mean it. 

Jungkook digs a hole for your bottle, letting the sea green grass sit in the sandhole. He turns to you, looking weary and worried. You try not to feel worried over the slump in his chest, or the way he looks like he ran a marathon to find you. 

“Then where is your home?” he asks gently, resting an arm over his knee and turning to face you. 

You curl up further into your body, hoping you’ll shrink if you press your legs close enough to your chest. “It’s not here,” you mumble into your knees. 

“Tell me where,” and you don’t shove him away when he puts his palm on your thigh, coaxing you out of your shell. “I’ll listen this time.” Deathly slow, you lift your head up, letting him catch your stray tears and spread your body with warmth. He scoots over to you, the rough sand making it difficult as he tries to wrap his arm around you. The both of you let out a breath, missing each other’s touch. “I’m sorry,” he says, the apologies melting into your temple, “I should’ve listened from the beginning, and been more patient. It’s my fault you’re all the way out here.” 

The oceans crash against both of your feet, the water eager to swallow you whole. 

“Two months ago I got into a fight with you, the other you,” you start, and Jungkook doesn’t budge, and you’re thankful he doesn’t attempt to bombard you with questions, “it wasn’t a stupid fight. It was something building for a long, long time. And I came home drunk. One second, I was two seconds away from being sideswept by an incoming truck, and the next second it’s daytime and it’s you that nearly runs me over.” 

He rubs small circles into your shoulder, and you almost hum at his touch. You miss Jungkook so much. 

“The Jungkook I’ve told you about isn’t dead,” you explain, “he’s—and I’m, we’re from another universe.” 

And between you, Jungkook, and the moon you profess your journey. Starting from the anxiety you felt from the first week, how you holed yourself in your apartment until Namjoon had to whisk you out, to your relief when Hoseok believed your crazy ideas. Halfway through you decide to piece your theories within the story, your last conversation with Jungkook, coupled with the angel’s wine and explaining how scary it was to see your matching tattoos and the meaning behind them. 

“But, I wasn’t trying to fall in love with you so I could go home,” you admit tearfully, feeling the weight of the night on your shoulders, “it, it just happened naturally. It made me believe that in another world, we would’ve worked out. Just like he said.”  

“I believe you,” he says firmly, exhaling. The whole explanation, understatedly, is a lot to take in. But he isn’t going to reject it, in fact as absurd as it is it makes far more sense than you planning out a Jungkook-inspired sci-fi novel or questioning your sanity. “I—I didn’t want to at first. It was easier to say you were crazy but, it doesn’t seem like the case. The way you saw me that morning we met, I could see how much you cared for me—him—us?” he scratches his head, unsure of how he should refer to himself in the situation.  

“I don’t blame you,” you shake your head, “Namjoon wanted me to see a doctor.” 

“It must’ve been hard,” he states, “seeing so much of him in me.” 

“You are him,” you retort, looking up so that your noses are touching. There’s pain in both your gazes, equally upset at the circumstances. “I’m sorry you got the short end of the stick. I wish you could’ve met me, the other me, under normal circumstances.” 

“Remember what I said before?” he asks, lifting a hand to brush your hair behind your ear. “I said that our meeting was fate. And now I believe it more than ever.” 

You laugh, leaning your head against his shoulder. “Y’know, Jungkook believes in fate too. He used to joke about hearing the bell when he found ‘the one’ like in Kimi No Na Wa.” 

Jungkook grins, “That guy of yours seems pretty cool,” he jokes, “let him know that in our case, the bell was my horn because I didn’t wanna run you over.” 

The whole situation is confusing, but you’re thankful that Jungkook seems to be at ease now that all your cards are laid out. 

“So does your Jungkook do film too?” 

“Uh,” you choke out a cough, “he’s actually a singer, dancer, producer, and films when he has the time. Mostly singer, the main one in a K-pop group. With Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, Yoongi, Namjoon, and Seokjin.” 

He gapes, “Kim Seokjin? The actor Seokjin? Damn he’s like, super fine—” 

“God this is so weird.” 

“So how many figures are they making a year? In the hundred-thousands, like six-figures?” 

“Er, more like eight,” you squeak, “and then some. But you put a lot of your money into donations.” 

“Damn babe, you downgraded,” Jungkook jokes, and you smack him playfully on the arm. “So that’s how you got the song, huh?” 

“Still With You? Yeah,” you say, running your hands through the soft sand, “it’s weird to live in a world without your music, byproduct of my job. It happens to be a big part of my life,” your eyes glaze over the ocean, “I missed hearing your voice.” 

“Y/n,” Jungkook threads his fingers through the sand to find your hands, “I’m really, really sorry I doubted you.” 

You disagree, “It’s a crazy situation. I don’t even know if I’m really sane at this moment,” you chuckle, “I mean, the time went by so fast. I would be paranoid because for you, it’s like being in a new relationship. I didn’t think it would be so easy to love you all over again like that.” 

“Neither did I.” Jungkook replies warmly, and he smiles when he sees you gaping. He leans over to press a kiss to your lips, a feeling long-missed. “And a little part of me knows he feels the same way, too.” 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

It’s almost 12AM before you return to your apartment, dripping wet because neither of you anticipated the sudden spring shower. You tumble in like wet noodles, giggling like children in hushed whispers as you struggle to find the lightswitch. 

The lights blare on for you, Taehyung’s fingers hanging by the toggle. His hair is wet from the shower, and he looks like he sees a Christmas miracle when he wraps you up in his arms, despite the protest of you being dirty with sand and salt. 

“You dummy, don’t ever scare me like that ever again!” he sobs into your shoulder, and you return the embrace as you pat his head comfortingly. 

“Sorry Tae,” you say, “had to do a little soul-searching.” 

Jungkook rolls his eyes, more like world-searching if anyone were to ask his honest opinion. But Taehyung is looking past your body to mumble a teary ‘thank you’ to Jungkook, and he nods his head politely. 

“Well next time you soul search, you better call.” 

“Done and done.” 

Satisfied that you are going to stay the night and not budge, Taehyung returns to his room. He gives you a good scolding however, and he makes you promise that you’ll give him the full story over breakfast. 

After that bump, Jungkook and you can’t keep your hands off each other. You two shower the grime off your bodies, taking turns shampooing and scrubbing. Even after you’re clean and towel-dried, Jungkook’s fingers fail to untack from your skin, pushing you eagerly to your mattress as he presses kisses along your clothed body. He’s singing against your skin, waxing poetics about how beautiful you are and how much he loves you. 

“Jung—koo, Jungkook,” you say breathlessly, running your fingers through his damp locks, “Taehyung’s in the other room, we can’t be loud.” 

“Don’t,” kiss, “give,” kiss, “a fuck,” Jungkook pants, large hands trailing over your soft skin, memorizing every inch of you, He presses his length against your thigh, insistent, “if this is the last time, we’re going off with fireworks, baby.” 

And with that, you relent. It’s nothing short of electric, the way he takes great care but great power into your pleasure. He takes his time, as if it isn’t the first and last night, tracing every inch of your body because he doesn’t know what the future entails for the both of you. 

You’re equally stung like live-wire, wracking with pleasure as he seals his affirmation to you with sweet nothings, bodies pressed against each other feverently like they’ve always meant to be. Every bit of contact is purposeful, unbridled and overflowing with affection. 

When you’re done you’re both sweaty and almost painfully content, acceptant of the ambiguity of your futures. 

“Jungkook?” you ask, holding his hand tightly.

“Yes, pretty girl?” 

“Will you… fall in love with me again?” 

“Is that even a question?” he balks, leaning forward to peck your nose. He smiles at the way you scrunch your face. “Your office hours are 1-3PM, Mondays and Thursdays in the general library. If you’re not there, you’re teaching the History of Neuroscience in the ARC building on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10:20 to 12:10. I also know where you live, so.”  

You don’t care how sweaty you are, and tuck your head underneath his chin, needing to be closer. 

“I will find you,” he promises, “hopefully not under my bike the second time around, but I’ll take what I can get.” 

“You’ll have a lot of explaining to do, y’know,” you sigh into his chest, feeling it rumble as your hair dampens. Your hair has dried long ago from the shower, but you know Jungkook’s trying hard to be strong as he cries into your crown, “you should leave before I wake up, just in case.” 

“Hoseok and I will handle it,” Jungkook assures you, “we’re like the Power Rangers, defenders of space and time.” 

“Alright Red Ranger, make sure you’re at least clothed before I wake up, then.” 

He pulls away lightly, seeing your equally red-rimmed eyes and ruddy cheeks. Both of you bump arms as you try to wipe away each other’s tears. The moon continues its power over your bodies, the only source of light in the room. Despite its movement since your time at the beach, it continues to illuminate the room and make the moment glisten with the rhythm of time. 

“You really think this is the end for us, huh?” his voice cracks, his hands cradling your face. 

Stretching to reach him, you press a kiss on every available centimeter of skin on his face. His forehead, his cheeks, his chin, his lips. You take care to kiss the tears away, silently wishing nothing but the best for him. He immediately melts into your touch, and he gives you a teary smile. 

“It’s not the end,” you assure, “it’s our beginning. Thank you, for loving me.” 

Jungkook nods, pressing a long, sweet kiss to your lips. “I can’t wait to fall in love with you again.” 

The two of you sleep like that, not with a goodbye, but with a promise. 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

W1. 

When you wake up, it’s loud. 

The transition is jarring, painfully so. Gone are your soft flannel comforter, replaced with dry, scratchy sheets that are a poor excuse for bedwear. Your hands are heavy, bounded by the fluids snaking into your bloodstream. Your eyes are crusty and bleary, taking in the plain white and wood room. The sharp sound of the monitor reverberates in your ears, a high-pitched reminder of your slow vitals. 

Everything is painful, confirming that in fact you did get hit by that truck. You give props to your alternate self for dealing with this for the past two months. 

Your eyes dart around the room, taking in the night sky and the full moon looming above you. The only other person in the room is your baby niece, who is just short of five years old. She has since ceased coloring at her little table, her little mouth gaping open like a pufferfish. You make eye contact with her, and she nearly spills over her 64-count Crayola pack as she throws herself off the chair, running over to reach for your hand. 

“Auntie!” she cheers, the biggest smile on her face, “you’re awake! Mama said you were hibernating like bears do, and that you would probably wake up by spring time. She was right!” 

Although it pains you to smile, you manage to squeeze her hand in return. You open your mouth, the inside feeling tacky and gross. “Ah-ah,” you grimace when no sound comes out, just rasps and ghosts of what once was your voice. 

Your niece’s face crumples, and she lets go of you. “Imma go get mama, she’ll bring help!” 

She leaves you alone to succumb to the beeps of your monitors and the pain in your bones. Your fingers grapple the paper-thin sheets, and your gaze drifts to the moon. You think of Jungkook, sleeping blissfully in bed, holding you with so much tenderness and care. In a matter of what felt like minutes since you fell asleep in his arms, disappears just like that. 

The doctors and your family find you hysterically crying, the monitors going crazy as you hyperventilate yourself into a stupor. You feel like you’re choking on air, whatever little tubes in your body restricting access to fully express how torn and conflicted you’re feeling all over again. The medical expertise does work to evacuate your family, chalking your reactions up as your trauma catching up to you and the shock of the past two months hitting you full force. 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

It’s nearly 3AM when the music cuts out with no explanation, and Jungkook is annoyed. He just got that set down and he finally felt confident in adding facial expressions, but the manager killed the music and now his head is spinning. 

He’s heaving, hands on his head as he tries to get his body back to equilibrium. He watches intently as Namjoon immediately takes the call, not even bothering to leave the studio to answer it. The rest of the members watch as Namjoon’s expressions morph into happiness, combined with short “yes”es and “I understands.” 

Namjoon makes eye contact with Jungkook first and beams, “She’s awake!” 

What originally felt like a hot and stifling room, immediately dissipates into an air of relief. While not all the members may not know you personally, the thought of a fellow co-worker on the road to recovery is enough to ease their exhaustion. 

“What?” Jungkook doesn’t hide it, and collapses on the floor, thoroughly spent for today. “Is she okay?” 

“Well, she actually just passed out. But she’s conscious.” 

“What, why?” Jimin asks, rolling a water bottle over to Jungkook. 

“Doctors say she woke up in a panic, started freaking out when it sunk in that she’s been in a coma since winter.” Jungkook’s heart squeezes painfully of the thought of you scared and feeling trapped in that small hospital bed. 

“Well, can we go see her in the morning?” Jungkook says hopefully, biting his lip. 

“We can’t,” Namjoon confesses, looking down at his shoes in disappointment, “at least not right now. y/n was apparently terrified. The doctors think she’s suffering from some form of PTSD, because she can’t recall anything that happened after she got hit. Her guardians are sending her to a facility for her to process her trauma. It’s in the countryside, and she’s not allowed visitors until she’s fully recovered.” 

Just when Jungkook thinks he has you back, you’re already far from his reach. He should be happy, knowing that you are well on your way to get better. He’s thankful enough that you’re finally awake. But the small, selfish part of him wants to visit you, and comfort you. 

Whether you’ll let him or not is your choice, but this time, he decides he’s going to fight for you. 

#jungkook fic #jungkook angst #goldenclosetnet #bts fic #bts scenarios #jungkook fluff

[zirkkun]

I can't sleep so I'm gonna ramble for a minute here about. uh. 2020 i guess lol everyone else is so might as well jump on the bandwagon.

Be aware this is really really fucking long so it's a commitment to read it lmao sorry i just cannot sleep and i guess i had more on my mind about this year than i thought. I also did not proofread this at all. I just started writing and didn't look back lol

This year was... Weird for me. It started out with me feeling my best in January, comfortable and positive as I did my nth playthrough of DBH with friends and finally having enough alts of my boy Alfonse in FEH to have a team of Just him to fight with. (Priorities, right?) February hit, and things were still going good. I met Ray Chase and had him sign a print I did of Roy and Alfonse in some casual outfits for a scrapped au I wrote years ago. (And I gave him one 😊). Hell, like, covid was just coming around when me and my friends went to the con that weekend and a breakout of it hit the city just south of where the con was like a week before, but I was genuinely so excited for it that like I was like "Yeah, if i die, i die. Whatever happens happens." God, at this point, the Alfonse gc I was in was still alive and I still didn't talk to anyone in the group outside of that gc. Lowkey miss it tbh. But oh well. Things move on.

But that con was like... Stressful. I usually have fair amounts of stress at cons, being around so many people, I fear theft, unwanted contact, y'know, the standard; but my friend group was so filled with tension that it was absolutely painful. We'd been split most of the weekend, and if the two groups came together, it was hell, because it just caused unwanted arguments. I felt really bad cause I didn't want them to be upset, yknow? But i also wanted to hang out with my friends all at once. So i swapped between the groups a bit over the weekend. And blew WAY more money than I should have and lowkey it kind of fucked me over for the rest of the year cause I haven't had a job all year outside of, like, a local church job that pays at a rare max of $100 a month ;w;

I'd been struggling in school the previous semester already, about halfway through having just stopped going to classes altogether, yet still somehow managed to pass everything with B's and A's. The next semester rolled around, and I thought at first the distraction and inability to do anything was because of the con, and as it persisted after, I thought it was just post-con depression. But, as it turned out, no, it's just been my biggest relapse of depression since the end of high school, and frankly, it's only gotten worse since. I can't sleep rn because I'm between not wanting to do anything because I have a lack of emotions and motivation and not feeling deserving of sleep lol. I checked out of school on February 28th, however, I was convinced I was merely demotivated by my surroundings -- at this point, I was studying Japanese, and one of my friends at the time was a (although probably unintentionally) complete braggart about how much he was studying and how he was improving... not to mention he was textbook example of "This is an Actual Weeaboo, don't Fucking Do this." (One of many reasons i said friend at the time lol) it was just... So draining being around him, and I had to see him in class every day of the week. I barely scraped together assignments last-minute and never studied under the idea of "What does it matter if I'm not putting in my 100%?" So I checked out, with plans of transferring for the following semester.

Well, then March hit. Y'all know how March went down lmao.

I pretty much locked myself in my room at all times during March, going between Animal Crossing and BOTW (which actually racked up like 200ish hours i think according to the nintendo year in review i had lmao). I started making a bit closer online friends at this point, notably @levitumbling who decided to take me in as his channel designer for YouTube and I've been ever since! But. Of course. My first task? A Sans meme. My payment? One Switch copy of Undertale because he considered it a disgrace that I'd never played the game before.

Now, let me tell you. I was fuckin scared to play this game. I held onto it for weeks between the fear of "My friend bought me this and i should play this" and "I told myself I'd never touch this game with a 20 mile pole because of how much it's been shoved down my throat over the years." So, one day, I don't remember when, early April, I said, fuck it, I'll play it for a little bit, just enough to say "hey i played it for a bit!" and then never go back.

The only thing that stopped me from beating the whole thing in one sitting was it was the crack of dawn when I passed out, extremely tired and extremely frustrated by the fact I couldn't beat Muffet. Yes, I got that far in one sitting I intended to play for 15 minutes tops.

Now. Let me fuckin tell you. About my first playthrough of Undertale. I haven't gone into a game knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it like... I think ever. Usually I know what style of game it is, the genre, the main plot premise. I knew nothing other than the existence of Sans (and, as it turned out, I'd heard some of the soundtrack pieces before, notably Bonetrousle I heard this cover of it in a radio livestream a while back and never really looked it up, but was always excited when the radio looped back around to it being on; and I'd heard Dating Start! because that's Alpharad's go-to sponsorship ost lmao.) But anyway. I was completely in the dark. Do yall mind if i just go through some highlights of my favorite memories? This is supposed to be a summary of the year but I mean, I think this made a big enough impact on me to really like. Discuss it a bit.

I watched the whole opening cutscene, started a new game under my old screenname, "Yoru," since in naming the "Fallen Child," I assumed they were dead. Well, I was a little surprised to just be that child, alive, two seconds later, but whatever, I rolled with it.

I genuinely trusted Flowey right away. Like no shit. He told me run into the "friendliness pellets" and I didn't even fucking question it. And when Toriel came in? And she said to follow her? I straight up was like "Why the hell should I trust you?? That guy just tried to kill me what says you wont?" I followed only because the game made me but i was Wary the whole time. It took me a LONG time to warm up to Toriel.

Now. Let me tell you how stupid I am as well. The game says over and over right, "Don't fight. Spare. Have Mercy when names are Yellow." Well, I took this literally. I didn't understand the Act mechanic most of the time, and when something didn't work I just said, fuck it, and fought them. If their name didn't turn yellow, I just fought them. "They don't want Mercy if their name isn't yellow, right?" After a while, I'd started getting bored of fighting and would just run away, but like, I came to a point where I was like "I have a really low level, I'm really going to regret this later on if I don't grind for a while."

I don't know when I stopped but. I think I was only one or two kills away from a genocide run accidentally my first playthrough, based on how I think I was LV 3 and looking at genocide playthroughs, you're LV 3 or 4 when you fight Toriel. Like. Holy fuck. I can't imagine what I would have thought of this game if that happened lmao.

Speaking of Toriel, still didn't trust her, at all. When we got to Home, and after I did Every Single different phrase she says when you go downstairs before you talk to her reading about snails; I did not Hesitate to ask "cool uh when the fuck can I leave?" When we got to the Ruins exit I was like, ah, here it is. The betrayal from her I was expecting, where she tries to kill me. Well, nothing on the Act menu worked, right? So... I fought and killed her. I didn't really care, actually. I just kept going.

Then meeting Sans and Papyrus happened. I lost my fucking shit at this part, mostly when they were talking, because every time Sans made a pun it would zoom in on him and do a rimshot. The puns were not funny and I was definitely on Pap's side of "oh my GOD shut up." But that fucking zoom in and rimshot was just so fourth wall breaking and unexpected. Fuck, it still gets me. Anyway. Game continues. I again lose my shit at (insane spinning in random directions) "OH MY GOD! IS THAT A HUMAN?" "uh, i think that's a rock." "OH. WAIT! WHAT'S THAT IN FRONT OF THE ROCK?? (IS IT A HUMAN??)" "(yes.)" "OH MY GOD!!!" and still think these two moments in the game are Peak comedy. Oh, and let me tell you, I did not like either of these two at this point. Sans I was like, okay, hes kind of a dumbass in a funny way, but Papyrus is a dumbass in a way that just annoys me. Genuinely the archetype that misses social cues and therefore has miscommunication usually just annoys me to no end. (Mostly for the miscommunication. It's my least favorite trope and makes me unreasonably angry.) But yeah. Wasn't really a fan. But out of everyone so far? Definitely found Sans to be the most tolerable. But that's about all I thought of him lmao.

Getting to Snowdin, with the Papyrus battle, remember how I said I didn't like Papyrus? And yes, this was something I genuinely thought at one point, I genuinely hated Papyrus, imagine that. What a wild world that is. But anyway. You know how his Act menu has the "Flirt" option? I, for no reason, gunned it for the Flirt option, even though I did not want to. Then when he was like "WE'LL GO ON A DATE! LATER!!" i was like yea sure okay lmao. Again, couldn't figure out the Act menu to turn his name yellow, so I fought him, and he was one or two attacks from dying (miraculously) when he ended the battle. I spared him here cause, well, he spared me, it was only fair. Then this guy again is like "ILL BE AT MY HOUSE WHEN YOU WANT TO GO ON THAT DATE!" and i was like haha funny but still turned around to go on the date. Like why? I have no idea. I think I was more like "haha hes probably not gonna be there and its just cause i picked that option and lo and behold there was an actual fucking date. Oh my god. I have never in my life been on a video game date where one party was convinced I was infatuated with them and im here on the other side of the screen like "oh my god make this end i can't stand being around you.???" But still. The date was. Really fucking funny. I wish I could experience it for the first time again like holy shit. There are few playthroughs I did after this where I didn't go on the Pap date, even if I just spedrun through it.

So then you get to Waterfall and Sans is there like "hey wanna go to grillbys" and i was like sure why not so we go there and my choices were fries & ketchup (so i did not get the legendary scene where he chugged a bottle of ketchup, but i sure did my second playthrough, and let me tell you, i was disgusted). But like. This whole experience at grillby's like, the whoopee cushion, him using a comb on his bald ass skull, him just fuckin unapologetically scratching his ass for no reason?? Bro i was like "why the fuck is this guy part of the Tumblr Sexymen™ group ??? He's so ????? Gross???????" and like i still have this question tbh lmao. But like. Okay so he asks you "what do you think of my bro?" And my genuine answer was "uncool" and he was like "hey man sarcasm isnt funny" and can i just mention how like inheritly manipulative sans actually is like fuck he does things like this where he throws your answer the other way a few times and Every time it actually swayed me the other way. Because right here I went. "Oh. Maybe Papyrus is better than I thought." Like holy fuck maybe i should be more aware if something like that can sway my opinion so easily LMAO.

Anyway waterfall i genuinely was very bored of the whole time. I spent like a genuine 20 minutes figuring out the puzzle where you have to talk to a wall and I actually didn't realize you could move the telescope around. What helped me solve it is my friend's advice before I played it. "Inspect everything. Even talk to walls. Trust me." And literally thats how I solved it. But pretty much everything in Waterfall otherwise bored me. I did think it was pretty though, and did enjoy reading the lore, but when it started talking about monster biology my one fear had been realized: oh god, oh fuck. My original species for my own series also has physical Souls and die by turning to dust because they're made entirely of magic. God fuck. My luck, it has to be something popular, so now everyone's gonna think I'm a ripoff. But, at the same time, I do think it helped me understand monster biology (and it helped me come up with the ULR biology) better, because I've put in a lot of thought to existence of a species that exists only by magic and a Soul (which, mine only actually have half a Soul, as a full Soul makes a being immortal, which was also similar to the boss monsters in a way). It definitely made a lot more sense for like, the skeletons n stuff for me, because like my characters are wholly shapeshifters but usually take human form, and while they have "organs" in the places humans would have them, they don't operate. They're just placeholders, because they just live with their Soul. So I've always thought the same with UT monsters, since the skelebros can live without organs, that means so do the rest of the monsters, even if they have animal-like appearances.

Off topic lmao. Back to UT. So, the Undyne fight was kind of the turning point for me. She was pissing me off so much during this whole game and like I was like "if theres another fucking part where I have to run away from her im going to scream." Well, once again, her name wasn't yellow, so I wasn't going to spare her... and, actively, I made the decision to kill her, because I didn't want to deal with her still chasing me later on in the game. It took me a long time to beat her, and when I did, I texted my friend (@cheshiregrinnbuttoneyes ) in excitment like "YES I FINALLY KILLED UNDYNE" and she texted back like "YOU DID WHAT?????" and i was like "i.... Killed Undyne????" she replies, "YOU DONT HAVE TO OMFG WHY" and im like "I DIDN'T HAVE TO?? THERE'S OTHER OPTIONS?????" and shes like "YES OMFG THAT'S LITERALLY THE PREMISE OF THE GAME" and im "WHAT."

So then. I get that call from Papyrus like. "HEY! YOU ME AND UNDYNE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!"

oh my god the guilt i felt.

alphys on undernet being like "omfg i forgot to watch undyne fight the human. ah ill ask her about it later she never loses <3"

bro. i nearly fuckin cried. i was like. Not to mention I'd gotten the crush question right for Mettaton's quiz in answering Undyne (bc i was like "plz be gay plz be gay") so it fucking cut like a knife what I'd done.

I don't remember when I let myself get passed it. But I do know that the whole story arc between Alphys and Mettaton went way over my head. Like, i know im probs the minority on this, but I adore Alphys, I have since I first met her in game, and like, when Mettaton was like "ALPHYS HAS BEEN LYING TO YOU!" i just went "...nah."

Also, I didnt like mettaton at this point, cause I thought he was being really obnoxious, and then the turn around to betray Alphys really kinda pissed me off.

But like.

Oh my god.

Remember how I said I swapped my opinion on Pap earlier bc of Sans's comment? Yeah that was a pretty fast turnaround, but it still took me a few times.

But the second i saw mettaton ex

I was like

"HIM. HE. HE'S THE ONE I LOVE."

Like, full turnaround from Undyne, I actively refused to kill him. All times I thought he was an asshole? Forgotten. Me thinking he's a selfish prick? Gone. Nada. Nothing. Pure adoration. Suddenly every flaw he had was pushed aside purely from how hot I thought he was. Also, fuckin, im really glad i played this when no one in my house was awake, because I still didn't understand the Act mechanic here, and every time you attack mettaton he has this like moan he does and im like oh my god. stop. omfg.

At the end, too, when there was the calls and everything, when he had his big turnaround, I was just so happy for him I genuinely cried. Also, I had to do his battle probably the most out of everyone's in the game (not including genocide), so when it came around to his battle during the (glitchless) speedruns i did, i was more invested in how fast I could rack up points, cause you need 10k rating points to pass, and I actually did get that before he lost his legs, but apparently he needed to lose those too before you passed lol. Unfortunate.

Anyway after Alphys talked to you and everything, i genuinely went to see if Mettaton was still there, but he wasn't :( so i just went to New Home. I was very ill prepared for the fight against Asgore and the only reason I struggled with it so much was because my only healing items were like. Something that healed like 10 or 12 hp and the snowman piece. I was LV 9 when i finished the game, so like, my HP was pretty high, but i didnt have the G to buy items, so i was pretty much fucked. Yes. I had to eat the snowman to win.

Oh speaking of terrifying shit though. Photoshop flowey? My god. I haven't been afraid of a video game boss so much since I was a little kid. It was like 3 am and i was not prepared for him to just delete my save file and then kill me on repeat, glitching and breaking everything as he pleased. Bruh i was genuinely scared. Like, not even just, "oh yikes :(" or something. Like, crying scared. Lmao im an emotional bitch by nature.

I of course had to restart from the beginning again to get the True Pacifist ending. I was very careful to never touch the Fight button literally ever. And, it actually took me a while to reset, because I hate erasing my original save files, yknow? But, well, as it turned out? While technically New Game+ by naming, resetting doesn't erase everything you did. It wasn't a new file. I was a little confused at first to be honest. Toriel saying things were familiar, remembering things I said, Papyrus and Undyne both recognizing me, like. It was unnerving.

When I got to the end, i had to look up how to get Alphys's date (since my friend told me the way to unlock TP was to go on all the dates, but Alphys's was definitely designed in mind of you turning around from New Home and going back to talk to people rather than a new reset. So after unlocking it, getting through Alphys's date (i still remember being like, verbally, "omg alphys you look so nice??" When she came out with the dress on and then had a thought to myself like... since when do i care about what people look like? since when do i compliment people? At that point, while I didn't consider myself to be a rude person, I definitely wasn't exactly all that concerned about others for anything. Sure, I cared about others' lives, but I tended to be a bit more judgemental internally, and just. Didn't really give a fuck about what people did in the most negative sense possible, unless it involved me. Yet, it rolled off my tongue like it was something id say normally to anyone. I really wonder if this is the true turning point for me this year.)

Getting to the end, with everyone cheering me on. Hoo boy. This was the start of many tears to come. Papyrus's "DO WHAT I WOULD DO! BELIEVE IN YOU!!" sticks with me the most. I wasn't surprised by Flowey's actions, but what fucking threw me for a loop was like. When Flowey was revealed as Asriel, I was genuinely jaw-drop shocked. I was like. Holy fuck. I thought he was dead. What the hell. To this day, though, i still think Hopes and Dreams hits me the hardest out of all the boss battle themes. It doesn't super bother me, bc like, difference in opinion is whatever, but like. Whenever I see Megalovania at the top of someone's ost list for Undertale I'm just... Why? Maybe it's because I'd overheard it meme'd to much before I played the game, but like, i dunno, it's not a bad song, but it's not the most emotional provoking piece for me, so it's pretty far down my list. Hopes and Dreams will still remain my #1.

I really did feel determined during this battle. I really felt a lot of emotion. I felt excited. I felt frightened. I felt ambitious. Asriel's battle is probably still the hardest for me, and yes, I'm counting genocide this time. I can't grasp his magic patterns at all, and I more so played it as a "okay, how much damage can i take? Whats his next move?" As i healed every other turn. It took me a very long time to beat him (though no 11 hours like Sans, this was more like, 2 or 3 max) and when I got to the part with the Lost Souls, most of the characters just said their "we hate you" piece and i was like "nope you're controlled" right.

But then there's Sans's "just give up. i did."

I genuinely had to stop. I set down my controller and just sat for a minute. I'd mentioned before how much I've been struggling with depression for years now, and it's at the worst it's been since high school. Maybe you'd think when I saw that, I was like "sure, maybe I should give up." But... It's really the "i did." that hit me like a rock to the stomach. While I do know a couple other people with depression, the most discussion we have with it is "haha i wanna die" kinda jokes yknow? Nothing really serious. And, well, I've always been the type to lean to fictional characters for support more than real people, since I've just been so disconnected from a lot of friends growing up and was too scared to talk about anything with my family.

So seeing someone else say "just give up. i did." hit me so fucking hard that I just started crying. I had already been in a real sappy mood cause the whole scene was so emotional as it was, even if merely the cliche of friendship will save all, y'know what? Its a good ass fuckin trope and makes me emotional lmao.

So, naturally, I was more hyperaware of Sans's implied depression from here onward. The conversations with everyone post-battle left me crying. God, so did the hug with Asriel. I was just fucking bawling.

Oh god. I didn't even mention. "Despite everything, it's still you." Another line that just hit me and I had to pause.

So admist my crying mess, I was telling my friend I'd beat Undertale again. He asks me "so... you gonna play the genocide route?" And I already had from the beginning. I always want to play every available route in a game. I see no point in paying for something and then not playing it all. I'd consider myself a completionist who doesn't ever actually finish anything lmao.

I definitely put my emotions aside for genocide. The absolute hardest kill for me was Papyrus, though. And i was absolutely fucking heartbroken when he said he still believed me as his last words. But I forced it aside. I didn't want to reset. I wanted to beat it to have it under my belt that I had. I was pretty sure the Sans battle would be here, since I hadn't heard Megalovania in the game yet, and I was aware of how hard the battle was, despite never seeing it.

Undyne's battle I'm more emotional about in retrospect than I was at the time. At the time, I didn't care, didn't like the theme much, and the dings gave me a headache. Undyne isn't exactly my favorite character (though definitely not my least favorite, that role is given to Frisk with Toriel not close behind ahdhsb im sorry), so I really wasn't concerned about it. Not to mention, I don't know why, but all of the battles I struggled with EXCEPT Undyne's I ended up liking the character more as a result. Maybe it was the dinging lmao.

Bro you shoulda seen how prepared I was for Mettaton NEO's battle to be hard as fuck. I was like sitting upright, took deep breaths before hitting fight, then when he died in one shot i just kind of "wh...what." Still very disappointed lol but I guess that's kind of the point of the genocide route.

Then came the Sans fight. As I said, I spent 11 hours on this. I genuinely didn't pay attention to what he said after a while, but I do remember the first time I read it, I was fucking terrified. Usually, sarcasm, hatred, and sass is very hard to convey through pure text, especially when it's said in the same tone as his usual talking. But the absolute harshness, the coldness, and the lack of any fucks given Sans had at that point was so plainly transparent through everything he said that it fucking scared me. Toby Fox's writing here was fantastic. I can only dream of being able to write like that. Frankly, I love his writing in general. Actually, fuck it, I love all of the artistic takes of this game. This is gonna sound weird but... The "childishness" of it just is so good. Like, there's no rules. Every socially accepted rule of art, writing, character design, speech patterns, and even basic grammar are thrown aside. He didn't just think outside of the box, there literally was no box. I call it childish only because like, children also create with no rules. They have no rules to restrict their creativity. And seeing that embraced in Undertale in every form possible just blows me away.

Anyway. The battle. It. Was hard. Thats a given. I spent about two weeks playing it on and off, and it's probably the most healthily I've treated myself in recent memory, because when it became too much for me to handle, I set it down and took a break. I would retain what I memorized and use it for the next time I picked it up. Frankly, it came to a point where every time I opened up Undertale to play, it was more just cause I wanted to see him lmao. The guy hated my existence at this point and it's not like i disacknowledged that. But it just felt like every time i opened the game... Idk. I don't know what I felt. I can tell you for sure this isn't the time when Sans started slipping into my favorite character spot over Mettaton, that didn't come until the development of Act to Flirt's first demo, which was a month or so later lmao.

I was very excited when I beat Sans.

But then, after it was over, I felt very empty.

I didn't feel good about beating genocide. I still don't. I want to play the boss battles again, cause they were really fun, despite how hard they were, but I can't bring myself to.

When I got to Chara, and everything went to black, I just wiped my save and started fresh. I think this was the first time I used the name "Willo" for anything. I just picked a random name to use, and Willo was the first thing that came to mind.

I beat neutral again many times, trying to unlock as many secrets as I could. I accidentally spent like, way too long trying to get Sans's room, because I couldn't figure out how to do it... which is when I started speedrunning the game, because I was just so used to going through it all. I timed myself once, and I got somewhere around 1:20:00 ish, which puts me at the very bottom of the NG+ Glitchless runs by like 30 minutes, but hey, it's still not too bad all things considered.

I'd started working on Act to Flirt sometime in between the speedruns. I was playing Papyrus's date again, and I had this thought of. What if Undertale... but all boss fights are instead like Papyrus's date?? I pitched the idea to my friend who was like "thats definitely been done before lol" and immediately I almost shut down the idea. But then I still had that glimmer of hope that, maybe, since I haven't made it yet, people would like my game because it was by me. Besides, quarantine was getting to me. I needed some way to spend my time. So on May 6th to May 7th, I spent the whole 24 hour period making the first proof of concept for the game, which was UI setup and Flowey's tutorial date. I hadn't made any of the art yet, so it was a black background with Flowey's undertale sprite. I originally was going to make everything more visual novel like in the sense that, so like on Papyrus's date, you could make choices like "unwrap the present" "dont unwrap the present" or "you look great" "you look terrible" and getting the ending would involve pretty much just saying the right things at the right times. But this alone was... Yknow, already done before, and part of what makes Undertale so great is that it's, despite its many outside influences, very unique in its gameplay. So I decided to make the dates more like puzzle-solving RPG's, and frankly, since doing that, I dont know if I want to go back to making other visual novels lmao.

After making the first demo and releasing it, I hit a creative funk. I wanted to make the next demo right away, but I forced myself to stop (since i was working 16+ hour days to finish it in exactly a week. I didn't eat much and i slept very little during this time too. Dont do this lmao). I didn't know if the game would be received, and frankly, I'd had many failed projects in the past due to lack of support. I lost a lot of support in the past due to the dropped projects I kept starting and quitting because I had such a small audience, and that made me lose a lot of interest and motivation to work on them. So I posted the first demo and waited. I was very shocked to have a YouTuber with over a million subs play it that weekend. Dantekris I think was her channel name. She speaks Russian, and I never understood a word she said, but I've still watched her let's plays because I enjoy seeing her reactions. I hate that YouTube keeps deleting my responses on her videos, probably because they're long and in English so it's marked as spam on a comments section full of purely Russian comments yknow. But it makes me feel like such an ass ;w;

Mairusu is the next large YouTuber who played it and my god I love seeing when he uploads a new update for my game because I genuinely have no idea what to expect from him. I don't know what it is but he's just so absolutely funny to me. He also seems to be the most common breaker of my game though. Stop making your own bugs!! I try to testplay to find the bugs he gets and it's like.... what did you do.... how did you skip that whole date im so confused thats not supposed to happen..... He accidentally skipped all of Muffet's date because of this too and hers is supposed to be the hardest in the game right now so I'm very upset by it;; i dont know how it happened, it never happens for me.

But like. I was definitely struggling a bit with the direction I wanted to take AtF. I wanted there to be a core message, like with Undertale and many other of my favorite things. When there's a core theme to write about, it makes things a lot easier to compose than if you have a plot with no meaning to it. It ties it all together for a common purpose. But, as I started diving more into the fandom around this time, finding not only it being still alive but still enormous and filled with passion.

Passion. Hm. That's familiar. That's the trait I gave the player character, rather than determination. While it was intended for giggles "haha dating game u have passion wink wonk," it started becoming more than that. It started becoming a manifestation of what I really felt upon finally soaking myself into the deep end of this pool I'd once been too afraid to step into. Passion. Everyone here is so driven by their passion for this game, the characters, its story. Everyone is so inspired and creative. That's it. That's what I wanted Act to Flirt to be.

A game made for those who have already dived deep into Undertale. A game made for those who have the same level if passion I've wittnessed. A game that someone might stumble upon, merely wanting any Undertale content they can find, and a dating sim leaves them grasping at straws, only to find it's a game instead deeply rooted in how much they care about this world and its people. You have a Soul of Passion, because your passion for Undertale brought you to this game. That's what the core message is. Every ending is supposed to depict different kinds of empathy, and True Passion shows you truly cared the most you could for all of these characters. Sans is so blocked from it because, well, how can he really believe it? "if we're really friends, you won't come back," right? But here you are. Again and again.

And Heartbreak. Whose heart is really the one breaking here? Taking the Hopes and Dreams of every single character you've grown to care for and crushing it beneath your feet... who is the one suffering in the end?

I just... I'm very excited. I've written that game with the player as the main character. Not Willo. Not Frisk. Not anybody else. You, the player, are the main character. I've honestly done a lot of looking around in the DDLC code to make this game as 4th wall breaking as I can (without like. Disrupting it as a game experience like ddlc is, with monika deleting things and stuff). Just enough to leave the player unsettled and confused. Like. "Me? Are you talking to me?" Yes. You. Directly to you.

I started sketching out designs and ideas for ULR around July. I genuinely loved Underlust after finding out about it, even though it was posed to me as an insult about the contents of Act to Flirt. I was both like "uh... Act to Flirt is nothing like this. Maybe in reversed roles at best but..." and also "okay but this? This shit is good. Thank you." But finding out it was discontinued and wanting more, well, that's when I decided to make ULR. I presented the idea to my friends, who were like "please stop making aus," and then continued onward. I told myself I wasn't going to work on it though until after I finished Act to Flirt... Then after the next demo came out... Then it turned out I was working on it too much and it resulted in me rushing my release of the 3rd demo of AtF because I'd been so distracted I was going to miss my release deadline of the end of August, before school. I... Still kinda regret that a lot. It's still very buggy. Though I hope I got them all for the next demo...

But speaking of school .... ha... Remember when i said i was going to transfer to another school? Well, I did, and for the first few weeks it was fine! Then I started skipping assignments I didn't want to do. Then I started panicking about my low grades. Then I started getting behind on assignments. Then I stopped going to classes. Then I lost all motivation to work on anything at all. I just locked myself in my room and did next to nothing with the occasional drawing here and there, for weeks. It came to the point where I was like "I just have to get through this semester, then I'll drop out." But if I ever wanted to go back to school, having all F's on my last report card would not bode well for my acceptance. Which lead to more stress. I didn't want to fail, but I also didn't have any motivation to work. I would do one assignment here or there, feel good about myself, then realize I was still months behind on work and suddenly oh god oh fuck finals are next week. And my solution? I just. Fuckin dropped out. Oh my god. It was such a relief to just get that weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying for months on end, preventing me to do anything I wanted to work on.

Well. Then my car tires died. So that's a thing. But good news! Between commissions and gifts, I have enough money to get them replaced! I don't think I've ever like... Been so excited about that before.

And, well. Now I'm here, pretty much. God, I just went through my entire year summary, and it feels like it was both forever long but also not long at all. I don't get it. 2021 still feels like a far off future, despite the fact I'm now 5 hours into it. Yes, I spent 4 hours writing this. Whoops. Oh well. I couldn't sleep anyway, so it's not that big of a deal.

All in all though... Despite being locked inside, away from my friends, unable to talk to anyone about the things i was enjoying, and living in fear of getting sick at all ever with anything, 2020 definitely fuckin changed me for the better. It was a hellhole of a year and I'd never do it again or wish it upon my worst enemy, but I came out a better person... I think. I hope.

It seems cliche to bring back but fuck it. Undertale? My friend insists its core message was that anyone can be a good person if they just try, which I mean, it definitely probably was intended that way. But that never was the message I felt while playing it.

What lesson I took from it was "things aren't always as they seem."

Flowey betrays you immediately, but then you find out he's just the remnants of a boy who died years ago and is still grieving over the loss of his best friend, whomst, despite how much he cares for them, recognizes they weren't good to him and he'd been manipulated and used by them.

Toriel is a kind and caring woman, a still grieving mother over the loss of her children, who seems to have kindness to no end, but is actually filled with such hatred and depression that she regularly gets drunk, swears, and still, without resilience, hates her ex husband.

Sans is a playful character who is full of puns, a gross atmosphere, and decided to break physics just because he can. He's the embodiment of a comic relief character. But at the same time, he's suffering, struggling, in constant pain and worry. He's lazy, but quick on his feet. He's harmless but will kill without hesitation if need be. He's both caring and the least caring of them all.

Papyrus is like... a self-centered asshole in a way, when you first meet him. He prides himself and everything he does. Yet still, he's actually quite open and accepting and loves everyone. He loves talking with and being with other people, even if maybe sometimes he has a different interpretation of social interaction from the "norm."

Undyne comes off as cruel and deadly, such even being emphasized in many points. But, deep down, she's extremely caring for those who are close to her, and her only cruelty is dealt to those who have wronged her in some way.

Alphys is a sweet and nervous wreck who comes off as helpful and lacking a filter due to her tendency to ramble. She seems to be merely anxious due to likely social anxiety... But you eventually find out that she's a liar who merely wants to create a world to be a better place, and by doing so, she pretends all the bads do not exist.

Mettaton comes off as an absolute self-centered asshole. Like. There's no way around that. He seemingly has no regard for other people with only full intentions of helping himself. But, deep down, he actually cares a lot for other people, especially his family and friends, and just tends to get caught up in things while he's in the moment.

Muffet seems to be greedy with how much money she begs people to give her for the spiders, but, as it turns out, she's flat broke and drops no G when you beat or kill her. She merely needs the money to help the spiders.

Asgore, too, is built up to be this ruthless killer throughout the whole game, and when you finally meet him, he's an incredibly sweet guy who's only filled with regret, and because of his past decisions, has decided to put aside his hopes for the sake of his people.

I...

Didn't see any of these characters for who they really were right away. Why would I? Few of these archetypes are explored much in a lot of fiction lately, or at least what I've been consuming; and is more focused around how someone can change their flaws into something positive... Not how to accept someone for who they are, despite the wrongs they may have committed or the lives they lead. Everyone's different. Everyone's grown up differently. Everyone has a reason for what they do.

And it took me playing this game to realize such a simple concept that I probably should have learned years ago.

That's why I really think 2020 changed me for the better. I made a realization that I should have had many years ago, and it's made me a lot more confident in expressing myself, accepting people for what they do, and seeing the brighter side to everything. I say that, sitting here filled with nothing and void of all emotion whatsoever... But it's a conscious thought i have. My emotions are so weird... They're either on full blast or I feel nothing at all. But yet I have... Thoughts of what i should feel? It's weird. Idk. This is why I'm getting therapy LMAO

But yea. 2020? Fuck you. But also thank you. But mostly fuck you and good riddance lmao

#zircon rambles #a lot #lol #its very long im sorry #i spent way too long writing this too #also please don't reblog this

[navyhyuck]

week two | previous | masterlist | next

𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐄𝐃, 𝐉𝐀𝐘.

↳ a love letter a week, and it has you wondering who’s your secret admirer. you have nine weeks, eight candidates, and one story to live. will you find out who your ‘jay’ is?

a/n :: here’s part two my sexy friends, i’ll be starting to add a little warnings tag from now on because parts will start to get longer and may include some triggering topics!!

wc :: 2.9k (i’m sorry it’s getting longer and longer i know)

warnings: mentions of sex (kinda, not explicit), a singular mention of death, someone’s borderline a bully but not quite (they’re just mean)

taglist: @childofthecycle @the8luvr @staywrites @chocolattees @cloudzume @babytoadz @cherrystay @sandaigdigan-reads @hoes4hoseok @ctrlaltfangirl @kodzu-ken @xazucaradictax @qtieskz @blueprint-han

couldn’t tag: @x-dawna-x

let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist!

You’re listening to Ryujin go on and on about Han Jisung at practically 6 a.m. (okay, it was around halfway to 8 o’clock, but her words were making you lose track of time), your head resting against the cool metal of the locker, almost wishing you were banging your head against it instead. As much as you knew your friend had a thing for the boy, you never thought you’d be stuck in the middle listening to her over analyzing everything that happened in English the day before. Sure, the precarious boy could be outstanding at pipetting in chemistry, but his social skills weren’t the best. Or at least, they weren’t the best with you.

“Anyway, I’ll shut up now, you look like you just watched The Conjuring and threw up on yourself.” She exclaims rather dryly, and you raise your head, glimpsing at the questioning look on her face. “By the way, that movie was shit. I’ll get to the point, then. I was gonna ask who you’re going to homecoming with.”

You scoff, rolling your eyes at both the comment on one of your favorite horror movies ever (that you’ve watched four times already, each time with the same girl who insists it’s not scary but ends up peeking past her fingers anyway) and homecoming. “Myself,” you reply, returning your head to its original position. “Do I look like the kind of person that would go to homecoming with a date? Really?”

“You went last year,” she points out, and you realize it’s true with a groan. It wasn’t your fault that you couldn’t refuse the captain of the basketball team when he proposed the idea in the middle of the cafeteria, halfway through the sixth period. Honestly, San wasn’t too bad anyway, he just wanted to have some fun with a girl that wasn’t following after him in the general sheep crowd; after the night was over, however, you swore to yourself that you would never come to a dance voluntarily wearing stilettos without one of your go-to friends. “And you liked it. Plus, I was thinking, we should all get dates this year! You know, since it’s our senior year and all. You won’t have another hoco to miss after this one.”

“Get dates? You’re acting like it’s buying takeout.” 

“It basically is,” she shrugs. “You go out, ask for something from someone, and they either give it to you or not. Though I’m not really sure if restaurants are allowed to refuse service.”

 “We could just all go as friends,” you suggest, finally opening up your locker. “As great as having some random dude as my date, no thanks. Like you said, it’s our last year. And hoco’s been fun since freshman year for us anyway, what’s the point of setting us up with dudes when we’re just gonna ditch them?”

“Who said I’m gonna ditch my date?”

“Me, I just did,” you deadpan, shuffling through your books to grab onto your chemistry lab book and stuffing it into your bag. “Remember sophomore year? Yeah, you might not want to remember it, but I do. Lee Daehwi?” She groans at the sound of the familiar name, making you chuckle.

“Okay, fair enough, but I’m not gonna ditch my date this time. Not if I get the one I want.” Ryujin smacks your arm to grab your attention, making you hiss before you see the knowing look on her face as she wiggles her eyebrows. You cross your arms in confusion, trying to scan and rescan her face for hints to what she was getting at, but when your mind finally clicks, you freeze. And then, your jaw drops. “Shut up.”

“I-I didn’t even say anything!”

“I know what you’re gonna say!” She points at you, shaking her finger before bringing it back down. “Look, like you said, it’s senior year. I don’t have a chance, really, not after this one. Either I ask him out for homecoming in the next week or I mope around for the rest of my life regretting not going to a high school dance with the hottest guy in school. Yeah, okay, I guess that kinda does sound a little pathetic.”

You consider it for a moment, imagining how awkward the interaction between Ryujin’s infamous crush and her would be; there would be a whole lot of tripping at the feet and ten times the amount of stuttering. Plus, you’re sure that the boy didn’t have the heart capacity to receive a request without passing out cold. He’s a little fragile after all. “You think Jisung’s the hottest guy in school?”

“Duh, who else do you think? That Hyunjin dude? Yeah, maybe, I saw him a few times in the past few days, but so what? People just get hyped over some guy whenever they come to the school and like four days later he’s no longer a cool transfer student and just ‘the guy next to me in calculus.’” You give her a look, one that you hope resembles something that conveyed the message of ‘you just brought up Hyunjin completely unprovoked’ but she doesn’t budge, her eyes trailed on her nails as she continues. “...and I’ll ask Jisung. Chaeryoung said she’s going with that other guy from your chem, whatever his name was, him. So then, it’s just you.”

You’re reminded suddenly of the letter that you pulled from your locker a few days earlier, the one that followed after the previous introduction and pleaded for you to attend the dance. Even if the letter had never arrived, you were planning on it anyway, but now, you had a purpose. “I don’t really want a date,” you say carefully, your eyes darting across the busy hallway before focusing on the blue of your best friend’s hair. “I mean, I don’t know, maybe, whatever. I don’t feel like stressing out about asking someone, so maybe if someone asks me, I'll be their date. But don’t count on it, alright?”

Ryujin narrows her eyes at you, as if searching for something underneath (something that wasn’t there, you’d like to point out, but she’s still looking intently) before humming. “Alright, sure.” She finishes abruptly, clearly wanting to add onto her sentence but refraining from doing so, making you raise an eyebrow at her shenanigans.

“Spit it out, c’mon, I know you have more to say.”

Your best friend gives you a deadly look but considers it, resting her back against the lockers before turning back to you. “Okay, this is just a thought, got it? Just something running through my head right now that I want to share.”

You cross your arms. “A thought? You? Thinking? Well, that’s no good.”

“Shut up and listen to me first,” she waves you off, shuffling closer until you can see the glimmer of her eyeshadow smudged on the side of her winged eyeliner. “Think about this. You, Y/N, a beautiful girl with absolutely no intention on going to homecoming with a date because of the lack of attraction towards snotty teenage boys, asking the Hwang Hyunjin, a transfer student that’s extremely good-looking and apparently affectionately kind who has no intention on going to homecoming with a date because of the lack of connection with beautiful girls, to homecoming.”

You blink twice, looking up at the ceiling as you quietly process her words. It’s a bit jumbled in your head, but once you think it’s clear enough, you look at her. “Ryujin. May I express my feelings about this ‘thought?’”

She scans you up and down, and then nods.

“It’s absolute bullshit.”

“Hey!”

“I hate my life,” you say to yourself as you swing open the door of your car, stepping out rather impatiently onto the asphalt. Having forgotten to grab your psychology notebook at the end of the day, you found yourself taking an unwanted U-turn back to the school to pick it up; in your defense, you would rather maintain your A in the class even if you had to stop by the gas station on your way back. Like you were told, a class requires commitment.

You march your way into the school once again, wondering why the school officials never thought to add any precautionary measures to the buildings. It makes you wonder if someone had ever snuck onto campus since you were a freshman. From the very deep memories of your sophomore year, you remember a junior at that time sneaking in one of his friends during finals week thinking he’d get away with it. Honestly, Juyeon was something else.

Just as you make your way to your locker, you quietly scroll through your phone distractedly before seeing a text pop up in your infamous group chat.

[3:05 p.m.] chaechaer: guess what guys!! :D

[3:05 p.m.] praying mantis: don’t wanna guess

[3:05 p.m.] hwangji: she’s finally getting dick 

[3:05 p.m.] chaechaer: i’ll fucking bite you yeji.

[3:06 p.m.] hwangji: bite me baby i wanna see you try

[3:06 p.m.] you: spill c’mon

[3:07 p.m.] praying mantis: y/n.

[3:07 p.m.] praying mantis: why are you at school right now

[3:07 p.m.] chaechaer: gasp

[3:07 p.m.] chaechaer: looks like i’m not the only one getting dick

[3:08 p.m.] you: oh fuck off, i came back bc i forgot something

[3:08 p.m.] you: wait did you just say ‘not the only one’

[3:09 p.m.] hwangji: so you ARE getting dick???

[3:09 p.m.] hwangji: spill mf, right now

[3:09 p.m.] you: ryujin, are you checking my snap location rn??? hello?? 

[3:10 p.m.] praying mantis: ofc i am, i’m your guardian angel :)

[3:10 p.m.] you: you’re a stalker

[3:10 p.m.] praying mantis: but whose dick are you getting? that’s the real question 

You roll your eyes as hard as you can, hoping that your best friend would know even from a distance. Just as you continue to tap furiously into the glass of your phone, you’re suddenly hit by your left shoulder, sending you flying down to the ground in an instant. “Shit,” you whisper under your breath, brushing your hair out of your eyes well enough to look up and see that the hard object you just ran into wasn’t a wall. In fact, it was a human.

“Watch where you’re going,” the boy snaps at you, rather loudly in fact, making you flinch as you slowly stand up, gathering your phone. “This wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t on your phone. Who walks in a hallway with their head down like that? Do you want to die?”

It takes you a minute to realize who’s actually standing in front of you, and it’s only when you’ve managed to gulp down his harsh words. Seo Changbin. He looks at you from head to toe, the scowl still evident on his face when your eyes widen. Suddenly, you’re a little more aware of yourself, shifting uncomfortably in his gaze as he doesn’t move. 

“Well?” He crosses his arms across his chest, now approaching you. “I don’t hear an apology.”

You instinctively back away, avoiding the boy’s eyes before you’re looking right back into them. If you weren’t mistaken, there was no one in front of you until there was, and there was no way that you could’ve ran into someone without noticing their presence earlier. Scoffing, you mimic his posture, looking behind him to see if you’re right about your assumption. In fact, you are, seeing the door of the locker room staring right back at you. “Me? Shouldn’t you be watching where you’re going?”

Changbin looks taken aback by your retaliation, somehow making his forehead lines fall into a straight line. “Don’t talk back to me, bitch.”

“Bitch?” You want to laugh, but instead, you press a smile down. “Seriously? Who do you think you are?”

You’re honestly appalled at the way the admired swimmer is acting towards you, but you’re not surprised. You would be lying if you didn’t say you weren’t in the faintest surprised. The entire team could act like a handful of bullies that didn’t have any other free time on their hands, if you looked into it more. Changbin seems to be dissatisfied with your answer, closing in on you as your back presses against the wall. 

“What did you say to me?” 

You’re about to respond with an equally harsh answer but there’s a sudden call of Changbin’s name from the end of the hallway, making the both of you turn your heads. Yet another swimming team member comes jogging your way, sporting a school branded shirt that tells you exactly what he’s part of. The boy stops a few feet away from the two of you, a large smile spreading across his face as he looks from Changbin to you. You scratch your head. Is Bang Chan currently standing in front of you? Or was it just a figment of your imagination?

“Hi! What’s your name?” He asks, coming closer before glancing over at Changbin and stopping. “W-What? Wait, what? What did you do to her?”

“I didn’t do anything!” Changbin defends immediately, making you raise an eyebrow as he holds up his palms. “I didn’t! Nothing happened, Chan. It’s all good. Let’s just go now.”

Chan doesn’t budge when he grabs onto his arm, tugging to pull him away, but he instead focuses his attention on you. His smile persists. “Hi sweetheart, judging from the look on your face, he did do something, right?”

You’re taken aback at his soft voice, a complete contrast from what you just heard from the other boy. Pursing your lips, you try not to let your cheeks flame up. Sweetheart? “It’s nothing—he just ran into me and tried to pin the whole thing on me—it’s all good, really. I’m fine, I didn’t get hurt. So…”

“You didn’t get hurt? But he ran into you?” Chan shoots Changbin a sharp look, one that looks much darker than the gaze he returns to you. “Are you okay? It might’ve been a hard fall. I can take you to the nurse’s office, if you’d like?”

“N-No, it’s fine!” You shake your hands in refusal, an awkward chuckle leaving your lips. Chan only laughs brightly in response, his entire face somehow appearing ten times more charming than before. You notice with another fleeting glimpse that there are dimples that crease into his skin as he smiles, now making your heart do an unidentifiable leap inside your chest. “Um, okay, I actually have to go now! I’ll, uh, yeah! Bye!”

You turn in your heel, trying to walk at a casual but extremely quick pace at the same time, which proves to be difficult. Just as you’re about to turn at the corner, there’s a shout from down the hall.

“Hey!” Peaking your head back, you see Chan waving his hand at you. “What’s your name?!”

“Y/N!”

“Nice to meet you Y/N! I hope to see you around!”

Gulping, you lean back against one of the lockers near yours, placing a hand over your chest as you finally notice the thumping. You take a deep breath, shaking your head a few times to get the entire situation out of your head; it doesn’t work, not with your brain taking you back to that exact moment once again. You just spoke to one, no, scratch that, two extremely talented swimming players with your own two eyes. And perhaps the rapid beating of your heart wasn’t just because one of them was being nice to you. But you wouldn’t admit that now, would you?

dear y/n love,

hi hi! i’ve missed talking to you (yes, i know, there’s no way you can respond to me, but anyway), but this letter will be unfortunately short today. please don’t think too much of it! my class is about to end, haha.

i saw you at one of the swimming meets a few days ago, and oh my god, i really couldn’t take my eyes off of you. i don’t know if anyone has ever told you, y/n, but you are so beautiful. i remember what you were wearing; was it...a black shirt? and jeans, oh yes. your sense of style is so simple yet somehow so perfect. i couldn’t even take my eyes off of you, oh god, i remember all my friends yelling at me to pay attention but all i was doing was staring at you. sounds like a problem, huh? but i enjoy it. shit, this sounds kinda creepy again, doesn’t it? i’m so sorry, love, that’s not what i was going for. i just...really admire you. a lot.

also, the homecoming game is this weekend! i hope you end up going, you can even go with your friend! the blue-haired one, yeah, ryujin, i think. that’s her name, right? oh god, you probably think i’m even weirder now that i just told you that i know your friend. fuck. anyway. 

once again, i hope to see you there! there’s something waiting for you there and i want to be able to surprise you, even if i don’t want to reveal my identity just yet. see you soon, love.

signed, jay

#inkidz #stayhavennet #kpopscape #skz fluff #skz series #stray kids scenarios #stray kids fluff #stray kids fic #skz x reader #skz au #stray kids series #stray kids writing #skz angst #stray kids angst #stray kids au #stray kids x reader

[pasttorn]

      -- SHORP. mega quick update on what’s up with me & a mini announcement that i’d LOVE if y’all could spare a couple minutes to look through ( & maybe consider joining or sharing with a friend y’all feel would be interested ! ). 

        -- EVEN if y’all don’t care about me as a mun / blog, at least skim the announcement section bc it’s important to me & where i am rn ! 

     UPDATE ! !

       -- SINCE december, i’ve started college ! ! the saving up year of college at least, bc the college i’m in has this thing where if we don’t have enough money to pay for the tuition fee ( which rly is just, money for us to spend throughout our first year & our trips & other expenses like food or gasoline ) we can join the saving up year & they’ll give us a job to earn the money. & while i was a bit more free before, they finally found a job for me at the canteen, which means i’m off cooking with the head chef for literally the entire day for the whole campus-- which is largely the reason i haven’t written much or said anything here ! !

      -- I’M trying as hard as i can to manage my time better in order to not be so tired / drained at the end of the day, in order to try to write something here or spend time with closer rp friends, but between moving to a new place ( since i’m living in the campus now, which is in a whole different country to where i was ! ) & getting used to the job & getting to know my teammates / classmates that i’m gonna be working with the next four+ years, it’ll take me a lil’ bit longer to try to get this blog up & running again. 

       -- FOR those wondering, i’m NOT dropping this blog & i’m not dropping any of the threads / asks i have saved up unless my rp partners don’t wanna keep writing them anymore, because this blog is too important for me to just give it up, but i am gonna be quiet / on a mini hiatus a lil’ bit longer. if any ship partners ( be it platonic or romantic ) that have a close relation w/ my muse want to break things up & move on, then even though it’d sadden me to see it end, i’d understand, because i cannot guarantee i’ll be the most active in plotting or thinking about our muses relationships & it might take some more time before i can go back to ‘ normal ‘ here-- but if y’all are willing to wait a bit longer, then i’d love it if we could continue it. if you don’t, then please tell me so we can make changes at some point because the last thing i want is for y’all to feel i’m neglecting you or your muse, which is not my intention & i apologise if i ever made y’all feel that way.

     ANNOUNCEMENT ! !

       -- TIME to promote the college i’m currently studying at ! ! or am gonna be studying at in september, at least ishuegrdfmkcvx. the college is DNS Necessary Teacher’s Training Programme, & it’s a college dedicated to training teachers ! ! honestly i’ve only been in the campus for a month now, & from the chats i’ve had with people from other years & from graduates & from my teammates in general, i can already tell it’s gonna be a worth it sort of experience. in their own words, we’re all not looking to be the ‘ traditional ‘ type of teachers, & are learning by experiencing & travelling-- the first year we travel to africa, & in the second year we ( your school year team ) picks a country in europe to live in & work in ! ! 

       -- IF you don’t have enough money, that’s alright ! you can join the saving up year, & earn the money here yourself ( & in the chance you don’t make enough, the team is here to pay the difference if we can ). if you’re worried you’re too young or too old for the programme, let me just tell you that in the 2021 school team ( the year i’m in ) the ages range from 18 to 27. if you’re worried about previous experiences, just know that this my first time in a college or even getting a job, & we’re all ! ! willing to help with anything as a team. all you really need is the drive to be committed to the programme & to the team-- because you are going to be busy almost all day, & it might get tough to deal with sometimes, & you need to know what you’re comfortable with or are not comfortable with doing.

       -- I was very nervous before coming bc rly, i’m an introverted fool that still doesn’t know what i want out of life even though i’m 21 & should know at this point, & even had a breakdown the first night i got here bc i was in a new place on my own & didn’t know what the fuck i was getting into & was so afraid of disappointing everyone, but god everyone here is super welcoming & understanding about everything. since the month i’ve been here, i’ve made friends that also very much love anime, have found out that sexuality ( or the lack thereof ) is openly discussed & accepted, there’s a D&D group & there’s just, a bunch of creativity everywhere. & yeah, it can be overwhelming sometimes, but there’s always someone in the team who would be willing to spend time with you & to help you out with whatever you may need, because in the end we’re all dealing with the same things. i’ve even gotten along with people from other school years ( that started their studies in 2020 or 2018 ), & honestly you can’t even tell they’re in a different year at times bc everyone is always so kind & open about everything.

     -- I’M not gonna lie, i’ve only been here a month for the saving up, & so far all of this feels like a real life acnh adventure, where everyone in the team is the mayor. wild comparison but everyone is so welcoming & we all live in the campus & see each other every day, that it really feels like interacting with other villagers & the money we make goes to maintaining the college / the community / our team, so it very much feels like i’m the mayor / mc in anch trying to decorate the island / make it better idK

          LINKS to check out ! ! 

Quick 3 min video ! ! ! pls watch ! ! !

WEBSITE

FACEBOOK PAGE

INSTAGRAM

NEWSLETTER

       -- IF you have any questions about the programme or what it’s like to study here, pls don’t be afraid to hit me up in DM’s either on here or on disc//ord ( SHORP#8549 ) ! ! i’d be more than happy to answer any questions or share images / videos bc god, it’d be so cool if one of y’all or someone y’all know would be interested in the programme ! 

#『 ☆ OOC → ‘ SHORP BACK AT IT AGAIN ‘ 』 #psa tag #LONG POST // #our goal is to have at least 19-20-ish students in our school year & we currently have 11+. so we're trying our best to promote the college #bsuiegrndfkmvc feel free to ignore if y'all want to #but i'd love if you could at least skim the announcement part ! ! ! #bUT YEAH I'M ! ! ! TRYNG MY BEST TO COME BACK HER EBUT IT'S BEEN WILD & CHAOTIC IN TRYING TO ORGANISE MY TIME BC everytime im done cooking #i'm just so friggin' tired to think about typing & kinda just end up watching vids before just crashing iHGUSDJNFKZCXM but i'm starting to #get used to it kinda so maybe i'll try writing something soon if i get a free day or something ! ! ! ! ! #bc you do get a free day every week where you can just. spend time to be yourself & to give yourself time to recover / relax #& i'm making it sound very hard but rly it's just ? ? me challenging myself bc personally i don't like the thought of lacking ?? or doing a #half assed job in the kitchen bc i'm helping cook lunch & dinner & it'll affect everyone in the campus & i wanna do my best to make #lunch & dinner a good experience for everyone & just hnNNGGGG it's tough but also fun to try to challenge myself like this idk #it's a nice experience isugrjdfkmvc #but yeah i'm mostly chatting in discord ( & even that is rare ) nowadays until i can try to organise myself a lil' better

[yikeswtfmate]

I’ll hold you to that

Summary: There’s a new message from a stranger in her DMs, but what does he want from her and why exactly is he so freaking cute?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (College AU)

Warnings: swearing; that should be it, I think?

A/N: This is the second fic in two days, who even am I? What am I even doing? What is happening?! My only excuse is that I’ve started this like 2 months ago and only now got round to finishing it so...enjoy?

This might need a second part though, I feel like I need some college dorkiness in my life rn

Also, do some text and ig messages count as making this a social media au? Probably not, since I was too lazy to do that format with the apps and all that?

masterlist // Watermelon Sugar - another part

Natasha is lying on her friend’s bed, furiously typing away at her phone. The chime of incoming messages is constant and it is starting to drive Y/N up the wall.

“You could do this in your room as well, you know.” Turning in her desk chair, ready to start going off on the redhead, Y/N is cut short by a long suffering sigh. “What’s wrong now?” She knows that if she ignores Nat now, she would only get more annoying, which in turn would leave her no chance of finishing studying for the night.

“I’m talking with the people in my group, trying to prepare for the mock trial next month and there’s this guy who is completely infuriating!” Nat spats and lets out another groan, as her fingers fly across the screen. “He says that we should stop defending the CFO and try and get a settlement because it’s obvious he actually did indeed commit fraud. How are we supposed to make a case and win when he’s completely disregarding everything we’ve studied this semester? Of course the prick committed fraud, but we still have to make the case for him, this is the fucking assignment, you pompous asshole.”

“Yeah, babe, I have no idea what you’re saying there, but go you! Down with Wall Street or whatever, but I still need to study for this management exam, so it would be great if you could kindly fuck off to your room?” Y/N smiles at Nat, who finally looks up at her and sighs.

“Fine. I’ll let you study for your stupid exam, but you still need to reply to that cute guy like you promised.”

“Remind me again, why am I supposed to do that?”

“Because you promised, you ass! And your sex life is shit so Wands and I reckon if you get laid, you’ll stop being so stuck up about school.” It’s Nat’s turn to smile sweetly at Y/N, who throws a pen at her retreating form.

“Why are you guys like this?!”

“We both have unresolved daddy issues, now get on with it or I’ll send Wanda in here.”

Y/N sighs heavily and slumps in her chair. She glances at her charging phone on the desk and tentatively picks it up. She unlocks it, a picture of her and her roommates popping up on the screen and the notification is still there. Still taunting her, still adding fuel to her friends’ pestering.

They have looked through his page, of course. They have looked at all the pictures with his friends, some of them recognisable from the halls of college, all the pictures of him in various cafes, restaurants, bars, gyms, but the picture she still comes back to is the one with him at the beach. Wayfarers perched on the bridge of his nose, ruffled hair in the wind, and that tan that stretches from the set shoulders to the prominent six pack (although the bottle of beer in his hand makes those abs so unfair to believe exist) to the firm thighs. She has looked through all of his pictures, analysing every detail and description, still wondering how in the hell she managed to catch his attention enough to grant her a message from him. And then she would go on her profile, filled with pictures from the dance studio, her coffee filled all-nighters in the library, and fair enough, there is that picture of her at the pool where her bum looks just right and she could get why in a sense, but what the hell, look at that guy!

Her fingers still hover over the notification indecisively, when the group chat pops up on her screen.

Wands: do it, bitch

Y/N: I was just getting myself ready!!!!

Wands: u’re a clown

Wands: JUST DO IT

Y/N: why must you attack me like this

Nat: I’m interrupting my fight with that idiot to send you this very important message

Nat: do it, bitch

Y/N: I hate you both

Y/N finally taps on the notification and there - in all its glory there is one simple message that has been giving her a headache since the previous night. Granted, she was a bit drunk on wine, and the shriek she let out when she saw the blinking notification made her toss her phone to the other side of the couch. Wanda picked it up and looked at it confused, while Natasha slumped on the couch in order to see over her shoulder. They both whistled at the same time, which was disturbing in and of itself, thinking how alike all of their mannerisms have become since they became roommates two years prior.

She takes a big breath that does nothing to relieve her nerves, and biting her lip, she finally opens the app to her messages.

JamesBBarnes: Hey

Huh. Funny how such a little greeting makes her tap her leg unconsciously to the point that their downstairs neighbours will be complaining at their door soon. She closes her eyes for a second, shakes her head and mutters a 'what the hell.'

Y/Nwhatthehell: Hi

Now that this obstacle is over, Y/N idly wonders what made her so flustered. He's just a guy who happened to send her a message after following her on Instagram. There's nothing weird about it, is it? They're both attending the same university, she's fairly sure one of his friends is actually the guy Natasha is currently fighting with on that project of theirs. Maybe he just wants to be friendly, maybe he needs some management information for one of his mock trials. Who even knows, so what is she so stressed about? With a huff, she throws her phone away, determined to finish the chapter opened in front of her and relax for the rest of the evening.

She's in the middle of writing the last note on employee engagement, when a ping from her bed startles her into dropping her pen. She turns cautiously, as if sudden movements would force Aragog crawling out of the device, but decides she's being stupid again so she stands up and nearly lunges on the sheets.

As confusion is written all over her face after reading the first line in the notifications bar, she opens the app and stares at the screen.

JamesBBarnes: Listen, I know this might sound weird, but could you ask your friend to stop fighting with Steve? I'm trying to study over here and he's been throwing stuff around since yesterday saying something about a redhead girl who's hijacking his trial just bc she wants to prove a point

She doesn't know what she was expecting, but it's definitely not this. Is that disappointment she feels for hyping herself up just so he can ask this type of nonsense of her? Maybe, but maybe she just feels a little silly for having thought this guy would hit on her on Instagram. She sighs and replies to him, now annoyed with herself more than anything.

Y/Nwhatthehell: why didn't you just send her a message?

JamesBBarnes: From what I've heard about this Natasha, you seemed like the more reasonable one

The reply is swift, and makes her smile. Nat can be a bit too much if not handled with care, especially when it comes to group work. However, Y/N now has what seems like a million questions, and she’s even more confused than a few minutes ago.

Y/Nwhatthehell: how did you even find my IG anyway?

JamesBBarnes: oh Steve has a huge crush on Natasha and we were all forced to go through her every single photo and hear about how amazing she is every single day since the beginning of the year

JamesBBarnes: but maybe don't tell her that 

JamesBBarnes: you know what, screw that. You can even show her that msg, the punk will never be man enough to tell her himself, might as well get my revenge for all the days I've been forced to listen to him go on and on abt her

She takes a second to read the messages again, when a howl of laughter bursts out of her chest. She had an inkling this was the case, from the way Steve has suspiciously been assigned to every single group project Nat had since September. And Y/N could bet his feelings weren't unrequited, for all the hissy fits Natasha has been throwing about him lately.

Y/Nwhatthehell: what if i tell you he might get what he wants if i tell her that?

Y/Nwhathehell: would you be able to put up with him when he's in a relationship with her? He's probs gonna be 10x worse

JamesBBarnes: oh shit u're right 

JamesBBarnes: fuck it, might as well get it over with. At least he'll stop moping every time she calls him an idiot 

Y/Nwhatthehell: you make a very compelling case, James. Studying law must have its benefits...you know, like having strong well rounded arguments

JamesBBarnes: my arguments would make more sense if i would be allowed to study ya know 

JamesBBarnes: and it's Bucky 

Y/Nwhatthehell: ?

JamesBBarnes: my friends call me Bucky 

Y/Nwhathehell: so we're friends now, are we?

Y/N can't stop the feeling of giddiness that starts to inflate through her chest. She might not have gotten the flirtatious messages she was expecting, but this seems somehow better. More real.

JamesBBarnes: if we're playing matchmakers for our friends, might as well be, don't you think?

Y/Nwhatthehell: i think i'll need a stronger argument than that in order to help you

JamesBBarnes: tell you what. I'll buy you a coffee and a pizza if you help me with those two 

Y/Nwhatthehell: coffee and pizza? A man after my own heart

She wonders for a second if that comment will freak him out, but hangs her head with a grin that splits her face when she sees his reply.

JamesBBarnes: only for you babe 

Bucky stares at the screen, unable to process what he just sent. He likes this girl, likes how his first impression after seeing her profile hasn't changed after starting to talk to her. He knows how easy it is to lie away your life on social media, and he can admit he's more than excited that she seems as wholesome and funny through text, and not only through pictures. Following her and sending her that message yesterday was his genuine desperation at trying to do something, anything really to make Steve stop, but he didn't expect to actually want to keep talking to her. He really hopes he hasn't messed up anything, when 'Typing...' keeps appearing and disappearing.

Y/Nwhatthehell: i'll hold you to that, babe

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshot #college!bucky barnes x reader #uni!bucky barnes x reader #college au #bucky barnes college au #social media au #bucky barnes social media au

[luobingmeis]

so!!! taz grad!!! holy shit!!!!!!!

spoilers under the cut!!!!!

FIRST OFF, i would just like to say: i said last episode that i did not trust the school taking the students’ items was WEIRD and UNTRUSTWORTHY and someone was like “but it’s the school’s money!” but i am calling this a “ha! told you!” moment bc now fucking higglemas used the glasses and knows about the portal!!!

second: this episode warmed my fitzrain heart :’)

third: my friend told me to make a notesheet of all my grad theories so that is also on my phone now asjksjksdkjd

NOW

A RECAP

fitzroy wanting to take the interdimensional cat with them just to mess with argo is. very funny.

but also i’m just gonna focus on the more “plot based” stuff bc i know im probably gonna end up making and reblogging shitposts abt the funny stuff

firbolg’s conversation with bartholomus made me :( especially when he was like “you need a goal for yourself because, once you all get out of here, you might find everyone else moving forward and yourself lost again” like first off, that hit hard in a way i didn’t expect it to, second i’m so :( abt the firbolg

and fitzroy!!! 

okay so my stance has been “i don’t trust hieronymous for shit” and that scene with higglemas almost confirmed it UNTIL THE LAST LIKE MINUTE but we’ll get to that

god i know the poison stuff was all griffin goofing but, fitzroy, please be careful

i fucking do not trust anything abt fitzroy being moved up to a villain anymore. like i was already kinda *side eye* but also thrilled bc i’ve talked abt wanting villain fitz since episode one, but now i’m just terrified for him

and, i still don’t know if he’s telling everything abt why he wants to be a knight, but fitz saying that he wanted to be a knight bc it’s fair was a very humble answer that i did not expect and, honestly? it shook me up

like, fitzroy is very hooked on good vs. evil & fairness and like.............. i’m so scared for fitzroy

i literally do not know what to think anymore abt higgs telling fitz to not trust anything abt wiggenstaff, especially hieronymous, bc higgs might be proving to be just as untrustworthy

also i’m keeping a note of how fitzroy constantly mentions how he does not want to go home and face his family

also i think fitzroy might officially be my fave, like, that fairness answer really got me

argo!!! and jackle!!! tbh i think the most important take away was jackle learning that argo will stick to his word once it’s given

which now proves to be very complicated and a bit concerning due to the ending and what is being asked of argo but... we’ll get to that...................

the party!!!! i love rainer and we are all rainer when we wake up on our birthday and our brain just goes “presents,,,,,,”

again, my fitzrain heart was warmed :’) and also fitz seemed disappointed that rainer was going to be heading back home so like :(

i also loved all the dancing and the other gifts and festo and i don’t mean to skip over them but i also really want to talk abt the last 20 minutes

buck!!! i love him!!!

buck!!! was super dishevelled!!! and my brain immediately went “well that’s concerning!!!”

and now leon’s missing!!! great!!! i have a huge theory for that but i’ll hit that at the end

i also like how griffin/fitz was like “i see him leaving” bc it’s canonical that fitzroy sees the outside world while meditating

but i also liked how both justin and griffin were like “we as players know what’s going on but there’s no reason for our characters to be suspicious”

the unbroken chain!!! cool!!! tbh maybe it’s bc i’m still so freaked by the ending but i don’t have much to say on that. the necklace part did get me a bit emotional tho :(((

SO THAT FINAL SCENE

let it just be known that, even tho justin was the one who thought to go to the library, travis almost had that entire scene planned out like he wanted it to happen, like he wanted the firbolg to tell the tortle abt the demons, AND NOW THAT TORTLE IS CONFIRMED TO BE A MEMBER OF THE UNBROKEN CHAIN

AND AFTER ARGO COMMITTED TO THIS GROUP AND PROVED THAT HE WOULD KEEP HIS WORD, THEY’RE ASKING ABT FITZROY

fitzroy... please be careful...................

AND THE FIRBOLG’S DREAM

so my friend said that it’s a memory, and that i definitely believe, and the rock is... something........ and higglemas was looking at the portal which is................... another something

AND LEON

here’s my theory: leon Knows something is going on with the school and he went to the heroic oversight guild with it, and higglemas took him out for it bc the h.o.g is the only thing that can deem heroes/villains evil and, if word gets out that hieroymous and higglemas are doing some shady stuff, they can lose their titles and rank and all the power they have accumulated for centuries. i started this episode being like "i dont trust hieronymous for shit but higgs is cool" and now i don't fucking trust either!!!!

also, my overall point: i will talk abt it until i run out of air that graduation’s main theme is “everything is not what it appears” and i think that is the most important thing to remember

as of rn, my top 5 is: fitzroy, argo, jackle, buck, and rainer

and i also have some theories and i am recording them also here:

see above for leon theory

wiggenstaff creates the problems in last hope/nua so that they can keep the hero/villain business going (i know we all goof abt accounting, but heros/villains are literally a business)

goodcastle is a real place

my friend thinks fitzroy is going to be the scapegoat for hieronymous/higglemas when shit starts to go wrong

the tortle is gonna bring the demon problem to the unbroken chain

there’s going to be a parents weekend where a bunch of shit comes to light abt argo’s mom, fitzroy’s family, the firbolg’s exile, buckminster’s dad (the iron lord), and rolandus’s dad (who is living in exile)

so i’m just thinking of this now but what if fitzroy is purposely being told to not trust the school so that he’ll be more likely to work against it

basically!!! i am terrified for literally every single student at wiggenstaffs and i do not fucking trust those brothers

#taz graduation #taz graduation spoilers

[maxbernini]

I would love to hear any lamifex headcanons you have

ask and you shall receive!! it is deeply embarrassing how often i think about characters we know maybe three things about canonically, so i’ll try and not make this too long:

as seen in the char clip, la mif still drink around lola, but post-rehab they’re more cautious about it. they’re definitely not the type to get super fucked up when drinking anyways, but it might be a little weird at first, them walking on awkward eggshells, before she tells them it’s fine, she isn’t going to be tempted, and sekou’s like “we care about you”, and lola is very pleased to hear that but kinda covers it up with a fond eye roll and says, “still. you don’t need to change for me.” and then max, with his own version of the fond eye roll, says “fine we’ll go ahead with our rager then.” and she thinks he’s joking and he is being vaguely snarky but he’s also not lying: it’s just that a lamifex rager involves the fruitiest drink you can think of, karaoke and political debates occurring loudly at the same time, and sleeping bags on maya’s apartment floor. (she offers them the couch/blankets etc but jo, semi-offended she’s not getting the bed, is like: “no if you’re forcing us - your best and dearest friends - to rough it out like peasants, we’re going to commit to the role.” she says a lot of film-esque things like that - committing to the role, etc - ever since they finished filming l&o and eliott bewilderingly approved of her ninja princess script idea). 

anyways by default mayla become the designated drivers / Mom Friends in the group, and lola finds herself...maybe not completely enjoying taking care of people, especially when they’re drunk and messy, but there’s something nice about being the dependable one occasionally, and she likes filming the dumb things they say. the group chat the day after sleepovers/parties is FUN.

when i say “designated driver” i do not mean that literally because i do not get driver vibes from maya AT ALL. idk how the hell she got lola home from the club that one time, but she did not drive. sekou, max and jo can all drive, although nobody wants jo to drive because then she’d be in charge of the music. 

they go to political rallies together!! they make signs together, sekou helps plan the safest routes, and they all have connections to various groups: trans groups, lesbian feminist groups, Black activist groups, autistic advocacy groups. they’re literally the most connected people in paris, and jo jokes about knowing the mafia too. lola does not know if she’s actually joking or not, and doesn’t ask.

they definitely go to pride together and i’m manifesting the cast going next year too. they all wear their various flag colours. sekou wears rainbow suspenders, max tugs him closer by them; lola is maybe overwhelmed by her first pride so maya holds her close, and jo is once again disgusted by the single-phobia of it all.

i’ve said it before but sexuality/gender wise i view them as: max (bi trans man), sekou (cis gay man), jo (bisexual, nonbinary), maya (cis lesbian), lola (cis lesbian). age wise i view them as sixteen (lola), seventeen (jo, max, sekou), and eighteen (maya). i have no astrology headcanons as i sadly know nothing about the zodiac, but franceslashtv said months ago that lola’s a scorpio and maya’s a cancer, so do with that what you will.

so in terms of ages, i think they gently bully maya for being the oldest all the time, calling her a grandma on her birthday, buying her a plastic walking cane before her real gift. but it is very loving, it’s not the “gentle bullying that is actually just being mean” thing that people on tumblr love doing lol. i think when someone gets upset, they take it seriously and learn from it. and as seen in that first urbex party clip, they definitely have a lot to learn re: sekou’s info-dumping.

idk how the french education system works but sekou is interested in art history and IT, he does commissions online but only charges the rich people like if your ex has posted revenge p*rn then he’ll hack them for free etc. max likes music but is thinking practically so picks up some law classes and eventually falls into advocacy & policy; he likes cinematography after l&o and makes films/songs for community groups. jo likes art and maths and thinks about combining it into architecture but says she’s “keeping her options open”; lola likes science and dabbles in freelance photography before making it a full-time thing. maya probably eventually wants to attend a local community college, but she’s undecided on what yet. (i’m torn between things like marine biology, social work or....teaching??).

they probably would eventually get matching/group tattoos. at one point they all briefly live together and it’s the best and worst decision of their lives. (speaking of living together: i think maya lived with max after she left foster care but pre-apartment, and am choosing to believe they’re just very platonically protective over each other instead of being exes).

#long post #LOVE your url btw!! have you seen that mayla/addybeth rain kiss parallel gifset?? #ty for asking!! feel free to add on / disagree etc #ask #wifebethcassidy #my headcanons #my writing #la mif

[jvncnt]

𝐡𝐞𝐲  𝐡𝐢  𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨  ,  beautiful  people  !  my  name  is  lenny  (  22  ,  she/her  ,  mst  )  &  i’m  absolutely  hyped  to  be  joining  this  amazing  group  !  it’s  honestly  been  a  hot  minute  since  i  last  rped  in  a  group  ,  but  i  truly  cannot  resist  anything  that  my  bbys  stephy  &  leia  come  up  with  so  here  i  am  !  i’m  bringing  you  my  boy  jayden  ,  a  completely  new  muse  ,  but  i’m  really  excited  to  develop  him  here  .  pls  bare  with  me  if  whatever  is  below  the  cut  is  a  mess  ,  that’s  just  representative  of  my  permanent  state  rn  sjkdlhfs  but  i  wanna  plot  with  each  &  every  one  of  you  ,  so  pls  hmu  !  give  this  post  a  like  or  slide  into  my  dms  ,  or  u  can  reach  me  via  d*sc*rd  @  lenny the pooh#3088  !  ily  all  already  ,  can’t  wait  to  be  a  part  of  this  group  ✨

*  𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐠𝐨𝐬  here  and  do  i  have  the  tea  for  you  .  jayden  is  back  in  bridgehampton  for  the  summer  ,  living  off  the  vincent’s  family  $670 million  net  worth  .  must  be  nice  to  come  back  home  to  the  hamptons  ,  i  wonder  what  his  fellow  class  of  2017  grads  think  of  his  return  .  you  know  ,  he  was  known  around  town  as  the  vainglorious  and  for  bhs  senior  superlatives  he  was  crowned  as  most  likely  to  punch  you  in  the  face .  i  wonder  if  that  still  holds  true  today  ,  a  lot  can  change  when  you  go  off  to  pace  university and  study  commercial  dance  .  either  way  ,  i  bet  he  is  still  very  steadfast  ,  assured  ,  truculent  and  heedless  .  hopefully  this  time  next  year  the  plans  to  dance  professionally  come  true  .  in  the  meantime  ,  i  look  forward  to  seeing  him  blast  cross  me  -  ed  sheeran  ,  chance  the  rapper  ,  &  pnb  rock  at  every  hamptons  function  .  it’s  going  to  be  a  wild  summer  home  ,  welcome  back  .

alright so i’ll just drop some bullet points here that’ll tell u all about jay !

( tw : mention of suicide , drugs )

his father is one of the most well-known boxers around , but not for anything great : he was a major heavyweight champ in his early days but shortly after jayden was born his mother committed suicide after a really difficult struggle with postpartum depression , which was not aided by her concern for her husband’s dangerous and demanding career — after that , everything sorta went downhill for jay’s father .

he was caught in one of the biggest drug busts in new york history and went to prison , leaving 10 year old jay in the hands of his paternal grandparents in the hamptons , who already were more like parents to him than his father would ever be .

his grandfather was a big time boxer in his day ( then worked as a mentor to some other big names until his retirement ) , and his son’s troubles disappointed him because he wanted the vincent legacy to live on , so he started mentoring jayden to reclaim the family name in the boxing world .

for a while things went well and jay was into the whole boxing thing , but his grandfather began to put more and more pressure on him as he grew older , along with everyone else around him — he was the star of bhs’ wrestling team and everyone envisioned him up on the big stage , giving creed a run for his money — but jayden couldn’t see it . he really wasn’t that into boxing . sure it gave him an excuse to punch shit and get his anger out , but that only goes so far until you begin to question the true meaning behind what you’re doing .

for jay , the only meaning he could see in pursuing a boxing career was to reclaim the vincent name that his father had tarnished all those years ago , as his grandfather wanted him to , but that moment of glory wasn’t enough to outweigh the lack of passion jay felt underneath every punch — not to mention how much he feared following in his father’s footsteps . he also wasn’t sure he wanted to give his father the satisfaction of reclaiming their throne .

so what was he going to do ? well , where his passion lacked in boxing , it absolutely thrived in dance . his grandmother founded a major dance studio in the hamptons and jay spent many evenings there while growing up . at first he just did homework in his grandmother’s office , but then he started snooping on classes out of boredom before he befriended one of the male teachers who convinced him to try out a class . and from there it kinda snowballed . his teacher turned into more of a mentor than his grandfather would ever be , and jay felt more excitement leading up to his dance classes than his boxing lessons .

his grandfather at first saw dance as a good way for jay to keep up his stamina and exercise in different ways , but then he started to notice the imbalance between his grandson’s passion for dance and for boxing and he grew frustrated . “ dancing’s not for vincent men , " he once told jay . “ grow some balls and throw some punches . ”

out of pure fear of his grandfather and disappointing him , jay continued to pursue his grandfather’s dreams for him and trained almost every day , but then he’d sneak away to late night dance sessions because he just couldn’t avoid how magnetized he was to a life of dance . the creativity , excitement , and pure fun held more meaning than boxing ever would for him , but it took him until high school graduation to properly admit that to himself .

his grandmother , the wonderful spitfire of a woman she is , sneakily led jay through the application process of every major dance academy across the states , even though her husband found no use in sending their future heavyweight champion grandson off to college . she’s always supported jay for every decision he’s made and wanted nothing but the best for him , whether it was boxing or dance or something completely different . she’s the source of all of his confidence , ambition , and determination .

it wasn’t until the acceptance letter came in the mail from pace university that jayden came clean to his grandfather . it was a messy , loud , stressful , emotional night , but his grandfather eventually realized there was no use in arguing or fighting — he raised jay to be strong , independent , and everything he wished his son had been , and he knew that when jay set his sights on something , he was going to do it no matter what .

WHEW ok now we come to the present : jay has been excelling in pace’s commercial dance program , his passion for dance blazing brighter than ever before , and he’s returned home to the hamptons every summer to visit his beloved grandparents . with his senior year coming up , he has already lined up several auditions for world tours and music videos and more to set his dance career in motion . he’s honestly looking forward to seeing his old bhs alumni over the summer and rubbing their noses in the success of his own future that he is writing .

as for a lil about his personality :

he’s well known as the vainglorious , aka excessively proud of oneself or one's achievements ; overly vain .

not to say he’s a bit of a dick but ... he’s a dick . 

as much as he hates to admit it , he definitely inherited his father’s hotheadedness and his utter selfishness .

he has always been the kid who doesn’t just think he’s the shit , but is the shit . he’s cocky in an annoyingly charming way and flirted his way up every social ladder during high school .

being the star of the wrestling team also didn’t help to deflate his ego sdljkhf like he didn’t love boxing or wrestling , but he knew he was damn good at it and just likes being the best .

as for some positives about my boy !! he is a charmer and he’s always loved to have fun . he spent so much of his childhood and teen years training and working hard that when he gets free time , whew he revels in it .

working hard is in his blood and he just oozes determination and will be your biggest hype man because he’s a dick but he still wants to see everyone succeed ! he knows what it feels like to be passionate about something and wanting to chase your dreams , and he will help you chase those dreams !!!

a big ol’ flirt , but he’s not really a player . he’s never been one to sleep around or act like breaking hearts is a sport . he grew up really admiring his grandparents’ marriage , all while remembering the poor relationship he knows his parents had , and definitely is a bit of a romantic . but that’s not to say he isn’t down to have some fun either lol

UUHHHH I REALLY DK WHAT ELSE TO SAY !!!

like i said , he’s a work in progress so i’m sorry this isn’t more detailed or fancy , i’m truly just so excited to be here that i wanted to get this up asap !

if you'd like to take a look at the shitty pinterest board i made for him , you can find it right here ! you can ignore the extra sections on it , it's a recycled board from an old muse but i'm leaving the connection sections there in case any of the pins work with the plots i get going with u !

as for connections , i’m truly down for anything and everything !! which i know is sooo basic to say but i’m forreal . if you have some angst or drama you wanna throw my way , i am here for it ! i also pride myself on my ability to brainstorm fun plots , so don’t be afraid to reach out !

xo ily

#entitled:intro #this is going without a gif bc i still gotta edit rome's #but hello happy saturday #pls love me

[ephemeralxiv]

he talks so much im so sorry | Jin | Trial 1-3 | RE: Hikaru, Cris, Junko, Yuna (indirectly) | ATTN: Akash, Miharu

Tch. Not bad, kid. If this guy had to talk down to him to feel better, it spoke far more to Hikaru’s character than it did to his. It didn’t get a reaction beyond a vaguely furrowed brow in the moment, but the little Telltale popup saying “Jin will remember this.” definitely showed up for a second there. He’ll… address Cris’s point and Junko’s whatever that was first, since he has far less to say about either of those.

“You- you ate the glue??? What is- ugh, you know what, it’s not important right now. It was mixed using the ingredients left scattered in the kitchen, so you’ll live...”

“... for now. I’m going to tell you this now: don’t eat random substances that you find just lying around. Unless you have some sort of death wish, in which case by all means continue.”

Even Jin hadn’t thought he needed to account for eating strange substances in his assessment of the group’s collective foolishness. Evidently, he would need to take that into consideration and recalculate once the trial was over.

“Not necessarily a bed theory, Castillo-Mishra, but it’s fairly unlikely that anyone who would wear a wig to hide their natural hair here would take it off in public just to handle the glue. At any point in the process between mixing the glue and carrying it to the library, they would have been able to come up with an excuse as to why they had it or were making it. Most people wouldn’t even think to suspect their intentions were to glue a door shut, so not wearing their hypothetical wig at that point would have been far more suspicious, don’t you agree?”

“While I will concur that this motive seems like a strong fit for HOSHI, I have a hard time believing she would go to all the trouble of setting up a trap like that when it would be far easier for her to prepare an ambush of some sort instead. She’s managed to sneak up on me before when she wasn't actively trying to kill me. I'd imagine she would use that to her advantage when it came time to actually kill someone, since while a bit riskier in the moment, it would also leave less evidence behind if she were to simply sneak up on someone and kill them that way. Even barring that, it’s obvious that despite everything, she’s extremely committed to the HOSHI persona. If she is wearing a wig, why would she have taken it off in public? If someone caught her she could just give them some cryptic nonsense and they'd probably just accept that it was HOSHI being HOSHI.”

It’s clear that he’s not exactly thrilled to be speaking up in someone else’s defense, and is mostly doing so out of an obligation to Not Be Wrong About This. Anyways.

“As for you, Kakimasu, you seem like you’ve got at least a decent head on your shoulders.”Jin’s definitely only saying that because he agreed with him. “So I’m going to be nice and assume you made a mistake when you implied that I would be stupid enough to bring up all those points just to incriminate myself. The circumstances wouldn’t lend themselves well to that sort of bluff, you know.”

Yeesh.

“Regardless, at times such as these, it may be wise to be as thorough as possible. Therefore, I will spell it out for you all once again. It’s perfectly simple as to why I couldn’t have done it - the location, means, and motive don’t add up.”

“First and foremost, why would I kill someone in the library? It’s one of the only places here that I actually like. It would be too easy to tie me to the scene if that were the case.”

God, what a nerd.

“Furthermore, I could not have set up that mechanism. In theory, perhaps it might not sound too difficult on paper. In practice, however, the culprit would have had to scale the statue to accomplish what they did. Physical ability is not something that I would consider a priority. While I would not say I am particularly out of shape, that sort of climb would not be possible for me. At least, not if it were to be accomplished in a timely manner.”

“Given that we have established that the culprit was working as quickly as they could, the notion that I would be physically capable of this is preposterous. While I am certain that is proof enough, allow me to continue. I believe my next point will remove any potential remaining doubts on this matter.”

“There’s the matter of the additional motive - having all memories of your talent completely erased. If you think for a second that I would be moved to throw away everything I’ve worked so hard to accomplish, I almost pity how severely you’ve managed to delude yourself. I’ll acknowledge the fact that Sasanari said that the motive would only open the option of having all memories of one’s talent erased. It’s not a guaranteed thing that the sole motivation for this crime was anything but resetting the timer. However, given the advance warning of the great personal risk any potential killer would accept, this still leaves me without a motive. If you still have to ask why, I’ll say it for you outright.”

“I don’t care enough about any of you to take that chance. I've expressed before that I was confident someone else would act and spare me the trouble. Think of me what you will, but I have no desire or need to commit a murder. Though to be perfectly honest, even if nobody else had and that timer had continued to tick down?"

“I would sooner let that bomb go off and kill us all than risk being the only one to die. If I cannot guarantee success in something as drastic as murder, I have no reason to commit it. There are too many variables that are entirely out of my hands. Even if I came up with a theoretically perfect crime, it would be no guarantee. In a limited space with limited resources, the likelihood of being able to accomplish even a theoretically perfect crime is drastically diminished. Despite the fact that I could easily outwit you, there is a non-negligible chance that I and I alone would die as a result. Even if it was by some fluke, my chances of getting caught are not 0. If there was any kind of chance that I was going to die, you better bet I'd take whatever option would bring you pitiful specimens down with me.Understand?”

Wow, there's a lot going on there. And he hasn't even gotten to his other point yet! Almost all of that was just talking about himself, so without any further ado:

“Anyways. I brought up the motive for a reason beyond just arguing in my own defense. Shinohara’s got long hair, and the one in the pot was fairly short. That ought to let us narrow it down to Ragavade, Ito, and Ayanokouji.”

“Ragavade was incredibly dismissive of their talent when we first spoke, to the point where they seemed to react almost negatively to any praise regarding it. If even hearing about their talent is such an inconvenience, I can imagine they might be tempted by the opportunity to completely expunge everything they know just so they don't have to deal with it anymore. Furthermore, it would follow that an engineer would be able to design and construct a trap mechanism like that in a relatively short amount of time.”

“However, I cannot personally attest to how the other two feel. If anyone believes that Ayanokouji or Ito is more suspicious, I'm willing to listen. Neither of them are off the hook yet, as my observations regarding Ragavade are not definitive proof in and of themselves yet. It's still entirely possible that one of the other two is responsible for this."

Yet? Not getting into that rn because this post is already too long I'm so sorry.

#xiv #chone #trials #jin #submission

[semercury]

my brain cells are unionizing and these are our list of demands:

first priority of course is to finish publishing amcait. i decided to combine two chapters near the end since one was super short, which brings me down to 11 more chapters that need to be published. i’m about halfway through. i also figure this is a good way to get into the swing of things again, since it’s writing related but not like, heavy duty writing.

i’m hoping to finish a few wips i don’t think i’ll share beyond a few friends just for more warm up practice, but after that:

i want to write more of Sarah’s Part Five Post Canon Cinematic Universe (Frequently Featuring F*goTr*sh), starting with expanding “the friends i’ve had to bury...” into three parts, one part for each character. i also want to create a series for my post canon au stories, bc i do have a lot of specific ideas, and they are all connected, but in that like. broken snapshot way i tend to write oneshots. i will link both the gen series and the ft series, but keep them separate, bc i have several gen ideas, and of course more ft ideas, and these are all connected and take place within the same post canon au, but i’ll keep them separate series, so people who only want gen or hate a ship that literally only like four people know about can read those, and people who want shippy goodness can get purely that. but that is all with the understanding that they are connected in a loose way.

after expanding that, there’s a few other stories for that au that i want to write, including ft actual first kiss, a certain someone finally reuniting with the group and having to find out his friends are dead, and actual t with a gun. (a certain vent fic about a certain character and my certain hc with him takes place in this au, but idk if i’m publishing that one bc it just feels... personal).

i know outside of that, there are at least two gt fics i want to write, possibly three, but that third one is more niche and might get long, and i don’t want to make long fic commitments rn until i know i’m over being crazy.

one of the warm up ones i mentioned is something i want to eventually publish, but just that one, and it’s a stand alone thing about a dynamic i want to explore.

after all of that, i want to work on ft/gt hanahaki story, which will have to be multi chaptered, but i can’t see it going over 20 or 30k depending on how much i feel like writing. i’m def going to need to outline, but i have lots of ideas for that.

and then after that, i’ll be looking into my long idea’s folder in my brain, bc there’s still school au, ft band au, vampire hunter au, ft coffee shop au, ft teachers au, the gt g-b high school au wip that i semi included in the gt fics up above in my mind, gt unplanned [redacted] angst fic, the [redacted five times] au that people might get mad at me for and is dark but i don’t think that’s why ppl would be mad tbh, zombie au... i def feel like there’s more but...

and that’s just for one fandom. i can think of at least three other fandoms i have wips/first chapters/concepts for fics for that i might pick up. and there’s original stuff too.

anyway. that’s my plan for now.

#stuff sarah says #to write #i really need to stress how fragile i am rn with this #my brain tells me terrible things all day every day and it's hard to fight back a lot of the time #bc it isn't just ''you're worthless and unlovable and everything you do is stupid'' #it's quite literally ''if you're happy at all or not actively suffering then people you love will die'' #it is absolutely terrifying to me and isn't something that is easy for me to get over because it becomes one of those #''okay yeah probably not true or logical. but am i willing to accept the consequences if it is real?'' things #and that's in addition to my fear that i'll now be hated by everyone for being happy at all and for trying to better myself #that is a very deep fear i have and one that goes way back due to attitudes i encountered growing up and during teen years #all i ask is that you bear with me. i can already tell you i'm going to slide backwards and freak out multiple times a week #i know i'm frustrating. i'm very sorry i'm like this. i simply ask for your patience as i try to sort out my brain #i'm not looking for pity or even encouragement #i'm just asking for your patience

[solarsystem69]

Hi 😊 for the system asks how about 🤫: Any Funny System Stories? 🥰: Any Wholesome System Stories? 🎨: Any Hobbies That Everyone In The System Enjoys? - c (The Union)

(Some of this is text convos i’ve had with ex-best mates and some is nsfw cuz funny stories for us generally are rude in nature lol nothing too explicit just weird flirting really) 

we used to make lissie and max dance together and lissie is like "hes an arse but i like to dance so okay" and max is like "fuck off" he dances with her anyway. so like yeah. then we are listening to music and we're like "Dance with lissie" and hes like "no" and so lissie is like "just go back to your lonely tower then, you downer" and hes like "Fine, i will. I will go.. all alone... to my bedroom" like thats hmmm. so once hes gone, lilly is like "Thats an open invitation to you to come to his room to bone" and lissie is like "lol no... wait... is it??" and doll face is like "oh definitely  " and so we send lissie off to find out whether it was in invitation to bone or not. and in our front room we have screens. a main one for the outerworld and some other ones for different rooms in the inner world castle. and so i tap the screen cuz its a little sketchy to use. but anyway, lissie had been upstairs for a while so were worried he killed her  but we see what went on. Lissie went to his room and knocked on the door and he answers. and hes like "I thought you told me to go away." and shes like "Yeah but i didnt think you would and then lilly said you gave me an invitation to join you and bone so.. i just..." and hes like "You came to take me up on my offer to bone?" smirk and shes like "Ugh no. you're an arse and youre rude and obnoxious" and hes like "Oh please go on, im very flattered rn" and shes like "it wasnt a compliment. ugh i hate you." and he like " actually you dont. you like me " and shes like "what no ew" and hes like "You do. i can see it and i understand why. They are all the same downstairs and im not like them" and shes like "Woah, dont you dare say they. they are all individuals" and hes like "Yes. but theyve all got strong morals and good hearts. and youre bored. so you like me" and shes like "ill kick your ass okay. those things are good things to have. youre a jerk" and by now shes like gradually moved closer to be 'intimidating'? and hes like "oh really?" smirkyness and shes like "Yea. youre just so mean and arrogant and you are such a bad person, you need to be--" and hes like "Say it, baby. i dare you." and shes like "..Punished.." and then bam hes practically throwing her on the bed and like ......... so thats when i turned that screen off. so like hilarious in hindsight but at the time. shooketh.

Doll face and lilly integrated (merged into 1 chick) which makes sense because doll face is too emotionally stable but impulsive and lilly is too emotionally unstable but logical. they didnt choose it and it is fairly easy now. or easier. doll face (loved them so much but ) was wayyy too impulsive. always making decisions for the worse but were fun which would have been fine if they actually cared but they didnt. thats okay. they were young. and lilly was lonely and needed to care a little less about her past. and idk. but its deffo for the better. yeah they were family basically anyway so i think shes really happy about it tho sometimes they do look in a mirror like "Wow. now ive got no dick and some small tits". i mean lmao. she really does focus on the small boobs thing. and we're like "they are average 🙂 " and shes like "No. easy for u to say tit-anosaurus rex"

Also, Nate almost called one of our ex-best mates mum’s a milf. 

(ugh going through old messages to mates to see if i can find more funny stories ad accidentally came across trauma ewwww miss me with that shit)

Wholesome... hmmm. we have plenty of sorta funny, interesting stories. Oh actually yes. I know. Okay, so i sorta just am always stalking around the inner world so i see almost everything. But this starts in our front room (like our fronting room but our living room, its genius ik)  we were listening to music (or Nate was) and Fox decided to come dance in the fronting room to the bops and me and Lilly saw them dancing very saucily together 😏 ya know. So we laughed and left. So we're listening to music on the way home and Lilly, Fox and Nate are in the room. And its all chill and then Nate starts flirting with Fox and Fox is all blushing and looking down like "Idk what to do rn" and Lilly and I are laughing and then Fox slightly reciprocated (as a joke probably...) And now Nate jas him basically pinned against a wall. Not physically just like with his intense eye contact. 😂 its hilarious. Lilly is threatening to go get Lissie because she was like "You two dicks aren't going near each other." And Nates like "What gives you the right to declare where my cock goes?" 😂 like wow. And Lilly was like "Oh I'm just going to go get Lissie then" and Nate was like "No no. Don't do that." Cuz Lissie really has the right 😂😂. Nate asked Fox to kiss him and Fox said "No..." 😂 savage but then you make my balls so blue from heathers came on and I'm dead. Fox: Sorry. Its not you. I just can't.. Nate: Okay. You don't have to. Lilly and me: *Sad eye contact cuz we know why Fox doesn't want to kiss anyone* Fox: *Kisses Nate on the cheek* Nate: *Blushes adorably- breaking his bad ass persona* Nate: you know not all sexual stuff involves kissing. Uh. If you don't want it to. Fox: *giggles quietly like a lil twink* I don't want any sex though. As pretty as you are, I just don't want that. Nate: *is absolutely crushed* Yeah. Okay. But I need some cock so imma head out and try to gain some pride. Lilly: I've not built the village in this innerworld yet so.. Idk where you're heading out to. Nate: *sighs so deeply* I'll be in my room then. Stay out. Fox: Sorry. I didn't mean to egg him on at first only to deny him. I just thought it would be fun and then I thought even if it did lead to sex then it wouldn't matter because I don't mind and then I remembered that I did mind and I don't want that. Lilly: *hugs Fox* that's alright. He'll get over it. He's tried it on with all of us atleast once and we're all women. I would've saved Fox from Nate only He didn't look like he wanted to be saved. at this point in time, our innerworld was still being built by lilly so we all were sleeping in one room, with the littles. and i witnessed the sweetest thing. So I was doing the final checks to make sure everyone was in bed and since Nate doesn't want to sleep with the Littles anymore (they can be slightly irritating) I had to go find his room. He's in a tower room. Its not got a bed and it's freezing but hey no loud children. And as I'm about to turn the corner I see Fox knocking on his door after clearly being there for a while debating whether or not to because Nate told us to stay out. Quickly Nate opens the door and immediately as he sees fox, puts his hand on Fox's arm gently (how sweet. Hes not usually gentle) and Fox is all: I'm sorry. I just couldn't kiss you. Just recently with the bad things and the kissing involved in the bad thing. And Nates all: its okay. I shouldn't have put pressure on you like that. I'm so sorry. I understand. And he's hugging him. Like and kissing his head and hes like "Is that alright?" And fox is like "Yeah. Its nice." And squeezes the hug tighter. So sweet honestly. And then Nates like "I know I'm really sexual and that makes you uncomfortable a lot but you know I would never want you to do anything you didn't want to." And fox is all like "I'm just so scared that I'm never going to be able to kiss anyone ever again because I can't get over that time and I really want to forget it." And Nates hugging him really tight and cuz he's taller, he can rest his chin on Fox's head. And im still watching cuz I'm weird and entranced by these confessions. And then Nates like "Do you want to come in?" And Fox is like "No Littles tonight?" And Nates smiling nicely and is like "No I get nightmares and I don't wanna wake them up. And theyre annoying as heck." And fox is like "I know what you mean. Yeah I'll come in." And Nate leads Fox in by his hips gently. *fox and lissie talking bout feelings* Lissie: what's wrong, my sweet? Who hurt you? Fox: *Wiping tears away* no one really. I'm fine. I don't even know why I'm crying. Lissie: Its okay to be sad sometimes. Fox: I'm not sad. I'm nothing. Just numbness. Lissie: that's worse than being sad. Tell me, sweetie. What happened. Fox: I asked Nate to be my boyfriend. I mean, I was kissing him and I didn't get any flashbacks even when I was overthinking and remembering. Nothing and it was so relieving. And I asked him. And he said he had to go for a walk. Lissie: Oh darling. It'll be okay. He loves you. Fox: Does he now? sigh I just love him so much. I love him more than you approve of. I love him so much I don't know what to do. But in not what he needs. He wants physical love and even so, he cant handle commitment. And I know that you don't want us together so you'll get your wish but I need him. Ive never been so relaxed and happy. Lissie: That's true. I've never seen you so happy as recently. I'm glad Nate could bring that to you but I don't approve, no. But if you're going to be together, I will support it. I will encourage happiness, that's a promise I can keep. I'm not disapproving to make it impossible for you to be together, in only disapproving so you have to prove to me that you two can make it. If you two make each other happy, I will be there for you no matter what. Fox: Thank you..... They spoke more but I didn't listen. After strictly avoiding Nate for three days, Fox finally has the courage to face up to him. As the group exit the cozy dining room, Fox weakly holds on to Nate's elbow. Obeying, Nate stares at the ground, clenching his jaw. "I'll start, I suppose." Fox forces out, false confidence strengthening the statement. "I-I'm really sorry that I asked you out. Of course, you wouldn't say yes. That's fine. Completely fine. And I'm really sorry that I made you uncomfortable with me. I really do like you though. Like love really. And even though you don't feel the same... I can't just be your friend. We can keep trying but it will just make us both miserable. We're just lucky the others are giving us time to figure it out instead of just getting rid of us for being dramatic." Fox rants,  getting out of breath and manic toward the end. "I have never heard you say so many words. Are you okay?" Nate smiles charmingly, concerned. "No." Fox answers honestly, a tremble in his voice. Suddenly, Fox is embraced by warm, strong arms. Wriggling further into Nate's warmth, Fox breathes in the boyish scent of Nate. All sharp and smooth. The arms tighten around Fox's shoulders. "I love you too. You know this. I'm sorry that I've been... Not great recently. I just thought we could both use some space. The village... It's the next thing to be built. But I-I don't just want it there for sex. I wouldn't do that to you. I just like the people they're interesting and good friends. You're the one I want. They're nothing compared to the beautiful complexities of you. I hope you'll accept my request to be your boyfriend." Nate excruciatingly slowly spills his soul, hands rubbing the back of Fox's neck how he likes it. Fox freezes, slowly pulling away after a few moments. "You... I'm sorry, what?" Fox whispers, teary eyed. "Please let me be your boyfriend. I'll beg on my knees, I swear. I'm so sorry. I've never been so lonely as I've been without you. Please come back to me." Nate practically sobs, hands reaching up to cover his face. "You actually want to be my boyfriend? What? No... That can't be right... Right? What?" Fox, ever the articulate bean, mutters, completely confused and shocked. "Yes. I want to be your boyfriend. I won't have sex with anyone and I won't hug or touch anyone else I swear. I miss you so much. I hate everyone else so much. I need you." Nate falls to his knees, taking Fox's hand in his and pressed his lips to the soft skin as he rambles, tears falling down his face. "You absolute idiot. You moron. You complete fool." Fox sighs, rambling random tiny insults, before falling to his knees and taking Nate's face in his hands. "I'm so totally in love with you." Fox mumbles, pressing his forehead to Nate's. a couple weeks later: they sang a love song together. 😩 I literally cried. Nate on his guitar and Fox singing. Ive never seen him so relaxed and happy. Ahhh. I wanna cry I'm so excited. 😂😂😂 these boys will be the death of me. theyre both the biggest drama queens and they so gay.

im so sorry that was so long but their relationship created so much drama between us bc we didnt know if it would work out and theyre the most wholesome boys, except nate but well he has his moments. softest boiis uwu. 

Everyone in the system likes to sing and play games and read. Fox mainly likes to write and stuff but Evan is also knows for her nice stories on wattpad lmao. We arent very active, so we dont do much sport but we do like badminton and we used to do a running club. Evan likes baking, where it stressed me tf out. i cant even crack an egg right. only Evan draws really. Our main hobbies are minecraft, eating unhealthy foods and sleeping :) 

[ofstagdreams]

flicker of the heart [3/?]

an it’s pretty late when I’m posting this but i wanted to post it so here ya go. The reader gets some loving and Arthur gets a lil jealous. This part of the story will go on to the next chapter without a time jump this time. Not my favourite but it’s all I can get for where I want the story to go rn. Hope you enjoy! 

pairing arthur morgan x reader

Previous part can be found here  or on AO3

The next few months pass slowly. The gang scales back a little on jobs because Arthur’s state of mind hasn’t been ideal, no matter how much he may insist that he’s fine. It’s obvious that though he is slowly coming back to himself, something has changed, something irreversible and everyone’s still holding their breath and waiting to see if it’s going to be a good or a bad thing.

For your part, you just try and be his friend – the confidant you’ve always been to him and although he can’t quite find the words, you know he’s grateful and that’s enough.

You pass most of your time either helping Annabelle and Bessie or running jobs with the gang. Hosea was increasingly impressed with your shooting skills and it seemed John was becoming a decent shot on his own. Any time spent with Arthur is usually spent in quiet companionship – hunting mostly, even if both your kills are always messy. He never asks for your company, but you always tag along because you’re afraid he’s going to drink himself stupid again and get himself hurt. He never says anything about your presence, so you figured he didn’t mind.

Yet that was the thing with Arthur lately, though he was always a man of few words, he seemed to speak even less these days and you weren’t entirely sure what to make of it. Though you have noticed that he’d spent more and more time scribbling away in that journal of his, so you figure he’s at least processing something of what he is feeling.

It’s mundane almost, well, mundane for a group of outlaws. You almost prefer it, the easy cons with Hosea and the days you fish with John. It’s a peace you associated with home, with the easy days spent at the dinner table between your mother and father, before it had all gone away.

Dutch though, Dutch is becoming restless, tiring of the months you’ve all spent doing casual work. You know him, can tell he misses the high, the scent of danger in the air as you carry out a job and you know that this kind of peace will not last long. You can tell Hosea misses it too, but he is subtler, more under his control but you think that there’s only so much Hosea can let fly under his radar before it becomes a whispered word to Dutch and you knew how it went from there. Your only worry is that you are unsure if Arthur is ready to live yet, it seemed he was still just trying to survive.

You are glad for Annabelle, who seems to read Dutch like the back of her hand and quiet the storms in his mind. Almost a year she had been running with the gang now and she slotted in easily, but you had been unsure at first. She had seemed very Miss High and Mighty, but she had quickly proved you wrong, showing herself to be down to earth and thoughtful – even if she did like to dress in fine clothing. She was Dutch’s polar opposite, but it worked, and you were thankful for it.

Running to town for supplies was another consequence of staying in one place for longer than usual, instead of picking things up as you pass through towns, but now people had to be sent for supplies. It had happened before but was a far less common task that it had been of late. This time around it fell to you and John, which you didn’t mind. You liked John’s company, especially lately as you watched with an odd pride as he comes into his own man, nearly sixteen now, so not yet the man he thinks he is - yet not the boy he once was either.

That’s when you meet him. You drop some supplies as your loading them into the cart and let out a soft curse, glancing around to find that John has disappeared off somewhere and left you with the finishing details as he goes off to find god knows what.

“Let me help you,” his voice is smooth and his hands are warm as he takes the box from your hands. He’s tall and handsome, with tan skin and hazel eyes which causes something in your stomach to flutter in a way you usually associate with Arthur and you’re consumed.

He introduces himself as George Davis, a farmhand who works at the farm just outside of town. His clothes are dirty, but that somehow adds to his appeal – you liked a man who worked, who did what he could to lend a hand.

John comes back and catches you laughing too loudly at something George had said. “We have to go,” he says and you snapped back to reality, hoping you didn’t imagine the disappointed looked in his eye when John had interrupted.

Like a gentleman, George helps you onto the wagon. You didn’t need it, but it felt nice to be given the niceties other women are given which you so frequently miss out on when living with a bunch of outlaws, especially when half of those people still saw you as a kid even if you were nearing your 21st birthday.

“Will I see you again?” He asks, his eyes playful as he watches you grip the reins.

It foolish, Dutch could decide for you all to up and leave at any given moment. You should not commit to anything.

“Definitely,” you answer.

You seem him again and again, eager to go on the supply runs in the weeks to follow. John always accompanies you and you are grateful for it, knowing that if any of the other men found out about your flirtation, George would have a hell of a lot to answer for.

You even sneak out to see him a few times, sharing kisses under the stars and taking strolls around the town. It’s not quite love, for you at least, not yet. But for the first time in your life you feel desired by a man who you desired, it was a powerful sort of feeling that made you feel dizzy and you couldn’t get enough of it. So, while it wasn’t love, you couldn’t help but think that one day it could be.

Another week passes and the gang does end up moving camp – but not so far that there is another town that is closer. You get the wagon ready for another supply run, you probably didn’t even need as much as you were bringing in, but no one seemed to complain, and the cons Hosea was running seemed to keep the income steady enough that you weren’t breaking the budget.

John sits under the shade of the tree as you finish up one or two things, having already done his part by saddling up the horses and putting some boxes in the back. You’re just finishing off checking a list from Bessie when Arthur shows his face, taking a glance at the wagon and a glance at a half-asleep John.

“Why don’t I come with you this time? I’ve hardly been to town yet and John’s so bored of it he’s falling asleep.” He looks at you with a strange look, eyes almost pleading, and you feel a stab of guilt.

While you hadn’t exactly been avoiding him, you hadn’t been spending any time with him either. George had, for lack of better words, messed with your head. Not that he was doing anything wrong, but as you spent more and more time with George you felt guilty about your feelings for Arthur. So you had spent less time with the latter, hoping to sort through your feelings and finally put your love for Arthur to bed.

You thought that you maybe had a handle on it, but as he looked at you with those soft blue eyes, you knew you were lying to yourself.

John glances up at you and you know that he’s willing to fight Arthur to go instead if you wanted him to. You were so glad for the bond you and John shared, it meant a lot to you, to have someone who understood you so well without having to explain too much.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” You say and watch as John visibly relaxes back into his previous position. Arthur seems to let out a long breath and climbs up into to the wagon beside you, taking the reigns and guiding the horses onto the road ahead.

As you ride, you notice how Arthur shifts in his seat a little too much and you know him well enough that he wants to say something but just can’t get it out yet. You wait, because you know how pushing him can sometimes lead him to be short and you’d much rather avoid the argument if you can.

“So,” he begins after another few beats, eyes glancing at you from under his hat before flicking back to the road, “you been avoiding me or something? Have I done something idiotic and offended you without realising?”

The guilt rises up in you once more as you realised that while trying to sort through your feelings, you had somehow stopped being a good friend when Arthur still needed support. It weighs heavily on your chest and your skin feels hot as you think about just how shitty you’ve been to him lately. Even when he was with Mary, he had still made time for you.

“What? Of course not, you think I’d let you offend me and not tell you about it within five seconds? You’ve done nothing wrong.” You play it down a little, not wanting him to see just how guilty you felt because then he would know you had been spending less time with him for some reason.

“Well…” he shifts again, hands fiddling ever so slightly with the reigns as he gathers his next thought. “Why you been avoiding me then?”

“See Arthur the thing is –“ you were going to tell him the truth, but he looks at you fully now – not just peering out from his hand – expectant for some sort of answer from you. He looks so beautiful and you notice that he’s acting like his old self and it's been weeks since he’s been like this. Suddenly you can’t tell him, it feels like you’ve wronged him somehow, with your liking for George and the words die in your throat.

“I’m sorry Arthur, I’ve just been stuck in my own head. I’ll try be better.”

He accepts your answer with a small nod and you hate how easily you lied.

You gather the supplies pretty quickly and it goes a lot quicker as you are less likely to goof off with Arthur than you are with John. Arthur is also quite a bit stronger than John so the whole process of loading everything up seems to go a lot more smoothly too.

The ground is soft and muddy beneath you, a consequence of the rain the day before and you try in vain to tap some of the mud of your favourite boots on the wagon wheel. As you glance down, you notice how worn Arthur’s boots are and you softly sigh, shaking your head at him.

“What?” He asks, a soft chuckle escaping your lips as he waits for whatever you’re going to say.

You look down and he follows your gaze but doesn’t seem to catch your meaning before glancing back up at you with a small shrug. “Woman, we’ve been over this before – I ain’t no mind reader. You’re going to have to tell me what you’re thinking.”

You laugh at him, shaking your head once more. “When was the last time you bought new boots? Your toes are about five seconds away from poking through and getting muddy too. Go get yourself a new pair and I’ll guard the stuff while I wait.”

He looks like he’s about to argue, but another glance down at his boots seems to change his mind. “Alright,” he agrees, “but don’t think I’m doing it just because you told me to.”

You laugh at him again and watch as he trudges his way across the street. You were too engrossed in what Arthur was doing that you weren’t paying attention to your surroundings and smacked right into someone’s chest.

That someone happened to be George, who steadied you before glancing down at you with a beaming smile. You hadn’t expected him to be in town, you had planned to see him tomorrow – it’s why you so easily agreed for Arthur to replace John on this trip.

“Hello,” he greets, bending down to place a kiss on your cheek before straightening back up to his full height. He takes a look at the wagon, more neatly packed than usual then looks at you with raised eyebrows, “John finally learn how to place the boxes in without throwing them?”

You shake your head, a smile tugging on your own lips, “you don’t think I can pack a wagon that neatly?”

You realise that you should be finding some way to get rid of him to save you having to explain Arthur. George didn’t know too much about your lifestyle and you didn’t want to scare him off just yet, but his hands felt warm around your waist, yet to be moved from when he steadied you and just this once you wanted to feel some normalcy.

George opens his mouth to answer but something over your shoulder makes him stop, you’re about to turn around and see what it was when you felt a hand on your shoulder tugging you backwards.

You find the newcomer to be Arthur, having returned from the store much sooner than you thought he would. He tugs you out of George’s embrace as well as taking a step forward so that he stands in-between you and George.

“Everything alright here?” His jaw is set and his gaze is trained on George, something almost dangerous in his eyes as he catches the other man glancing over his shoulder to you. It’s strange and you would almost guess that Arthur seems jealous, but that, that just seemed absurd. You had known Arthur for years, had pined for him for longer than you cared to admit – you would know if he had felt something for you. You were sure of it.

“Everything’s fine Arthur, lets just go.” You say, pulling on Arthur’s arm and nudging him towards the wagon. He waits, offering you hand onto the wagon as his glance remains fixed on George, as if daring him to say something or take a step closer.

He gets on the wagon himself in one swift movement, hands gripping the reins like a vice as he prompts the horses to move off. You glance behind you, watching a confused George be left in the dust, panic seizes your chest as you realise that you don’t want this wonderful man to think ill of you.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” You yell back at him and it seems to snap him out of whatever trance he was in as he nods his confirmation.

“Tomorrow.”

Beside you in the seat you feel Arthur tense, nudging the horses to go faster as the wagon wheels out of town.

The sky above becomes grey and murky, looking like there’s going to be more rain. In the distance, there’s a low ripple of thunder. Seemed there was a storm coming.

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