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wastelandnarry · 3 years

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Don’t You Remember? - hes

summary: You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said, no final kiss to seal any sins.

author’s notes: Hi everyone! Thanks for the support on kiss in the kitchen! This is inspired by Adele’s Don’t You Remember, I hope you enjoy!

warnings: mentions of infidelity, mentions of alcohol, angst

request || taglist

If you were being truthful, which most of the time was a hard thing to do, you were full of bitterness and a cold heart sat in your chest. You'd been hurt before, more times than you could count, and had decided that the next time love came around in your life you would not hesitate to kick it back. Your last long-term relationship, which had ended when they'd decided an adventure was calling their name and you had no ticket with them, had left you in pieces. It had left you bouncing from bed to bed, leaving your mark on stranger's lives, but you'd disappeared before the morning sun rose, leaving them alone and cold in a bed you'd forget about before dinnertime.

But then you met Harry.

Harry was warm and he made your heart race with every touch he left on your skin. He was golden and beautiful, leaving you breathless as you gazed at him at your side. He was the warm spots in a sunny field where you'd spend all day if you could, reading a book as the breeze blew through your hair on the summer evenings. His smile was addicting and you found yourself stealing it onto your own face a lot of the time. It was as if a force unknown had brought you two together and the world had burst into color. Harry had come into your life like a storm that a drought had desperately needed. He'd stormed in and refused to leave, no matter how fickle your heart had been, he'd stayed and a part of you had been grateful for it.

It hadn't been a stable relationship, not at all. You'd both been hurt before in the past and that had made it hard for both of you to truly trust each other. It meant that sometimes moments would go from sweet and innocent to cold and distant. It meant that nights together were spent in a tense silence sometimes, or that they'd be cut short before things escalated too far. But you both felt something for one another, something so deep and passionate it spiked fear in your heart. A fear that it was all too good to be true and it was only a matter of time before things blew up like you were used to.

"Do you think we should go out for dinner? Or maybe we could order in," Harry's voice broke your concentration, your eyes looking up from the computer screen and finding his.

"Huh? Oh, maybe we should just stay in? It looks pretty shitty outside anyways," you shrugged, your eyes falling back onto the screen as you skimmed through the emails your boss had sent you.

"Yeah, guess so. And if we go out we won't have a lot of privacy, don't want our last night together for a bit to be full of people wanting pictures," he sighed and shrugged.

"What? Last night together? What're you on about, Harry?" you frowned, your eyes shooting back up to watch him move around the living room.

"I leave tomorrow?" Harry chuckled and looked at you with a confused look on his face, "I have to go to Paris to film for a month, remember?"

"That's tomorrow?" you asked and frowned, shaking your head, "I thought you said that was happening in July?" you scoffed.

"No, we finish shooting in July," he mumbled and sighed, "But you of course weren't paying attention, all you care about is it affects your own life."

You'd both frozen as the words left his mouth, both too afraid of what would come next if you truly spoke your mind. Yes, you were a bit forgetful when it came to Harry's schedule, but his life had always been hectic, and trying to plan your life around his seemed impossible most of the time. He'd be gone for weeks on end with no contact and the only way you knew he was safe and alive was when the internet told you so. Your jaw was clenched as you watched him, frozen in place near the entrance of the kitchen.

"You know what? You're right. I'm just a selfish bitch who only worries about herself and not the fact that her so-called boyfriend is going to be gone for another month," you scoffed as you stood up, sliding on the shoes you'd set by the end of the coffee table, "I hope you have a fucking amazing time in Paris, make sure not to stare at yourself in the mirror too long." you muttered, grabbing your bag as you made your way out of Harry's house.

You could've stopped and talked it out, like adults, but in all honestly, it had been exhausting already. Every time Harry had to leave for work there was always something he was upset about. At first, it was how distant you became when the day of his departure got closer. Then it was the fact that you always texted him while he was away, something he'd asked you to do in the first place. And now, it was you forgetting his oh-so-important schedule. It was exhausting, trying to talk things out when you knew it never mattered because it was just a matter of time before something new came up between the both of you. So you walked out the door, hoping that maybe Harry would follow after you and for once try to fix this himself, only to be left sitting in your car alone.

Days turned to weeks and soon enough, two months had passed since you had last spoken to Harry. The spring weather had turned hotter as July rolled in and the hot days became unbearable. Most of your days off were spent trying to distract yourself from the pain in your chest, the pain that had come with the absence of Harry. He hadn't called you since that night when you'd walked out, hadn't tried to text, facetime you, or even email you. He'd left you with silence and it was all because you'd walked out.

"You always do this to yourself," you thought as you jogged through the empty park, your forehead shining with the sweat you'd worked up, "You push people and then blame them when they don't come back to you."

It was true, this hadn't been the first time a relationship had gone to shit because of your fear of getting close. That's all the fight with Harry had been, an excuse to push him away so that you wouldn't end up on the floor with your crushed up heart. Not that it had helped much, but at least you'd ended things in a way that hadn't crushed your entire soul. But finding distractions became harder and harder as the days went on, everything was just so...Harry.

Some nights, when your favorite bottle of wine ad tempted you into a glass or two, or three, you'd find yourself sitting on the sofa in your apartment. You'd relived that night more time than you could remember, frowning as you couldn't remember whether you'd both said goodbye. That was what had hurt the most, knowing that you loved Harry and through your fear of it, you never even said goodbye or had that final kiss. You'd just left and hoped you'd see him again.

"Um, hi Harry," you mumbled into your phone, staring up at the ceiling as you took a few seconds to collect your mind.

Maybe the wine had given you the courage that you didn't know existed, or maybe the pain in your chest from finally realizing he was gone had kicked you into gear. You'd picked up the phone and clicked on his contact, seeing the smiley picture he'd taken one of the first tines you'd hung out as his contact, before calling him up. You'd hoped he was back, not wanting him to be across an ocean where the sun was high in the sky and his voice would answer back. You wouldn't know what to do if he'd actually answered, so his voicemail message had you letting out a sigh of relief.

"I know that things were left rather...shitty," you mumbled, chewing on your bottom lip as you sorted through your thoughts, "But I just, I want you to know that I think about where it went wrong a lot these days. I thought that if I gave us space and let us both clear our heads we'd be able to fix whatever this is."

It was true, you'd wanted to give him the space to process the fight. You two hadn't been exclusive, something you'd both been pretty open about since the beginning, but you still loved him no matter how much it terrified you. You'd given him the space to breathe and figure out if you and all your issues would be worth it. And now that there had been radio silence for weeks, you decided getting your own closure would send him the message that you understood.

"I just...I hope you remember the way it was during the good times," you said, the crack in your voice replaced by you clearing your throat, "How soft and whole it was. You made me...gosh, I don't think I've ever felt so loved in my life before."

Loving Harry had always been something you were terrified to admit to yourself. It still was in a way, but you knew you had to tell him the truth, even if it fell on deaf ears. He deserved to know that he was loved and that it was by you. That even if the silence between you two lasted until your last breathes were taken, you had loved him and it had been a privilege to do so. No matter how bad things had ended and no matter if he'd felt the same, you'd loved him and if he gave you the chance, you would love him still.

"I hope you still think of me, maybe that's why I get this warm feeling sometimes when I'm alone. Maybe it's you thinking about us. I hope I see you again soon, bub," you sighed quietly, holding back the tears as your voice began to shake, "I love you."

It wasn't until the call was hung up and your phone laid across from you on the coffee table that you let the tears fall. It'd been a mess from the beginning, casual hookups which led to more and more time spent together. Maybe if you had tried hard enough to work on you fears or maybe if you'd let him in more than you shut him out he'd still be here. But with your voicemail sent and your cheeks wet from tears, you decided all you could do was hope Harry would listen to the voicemail. And maybe, just maybe, he'd remember you just once more.

taglist: @hrrypinks @matchacal

#harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles imagines #harry styles blurbs #harry styles fics #harry styles x y/n #harry styles #gemma writes

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jinpanman · 4 years

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Vampire’s Wine

pairing: vampire boyfriend!jungkook x fem human!reader

word count: 1.4k

genre: 18+, fluff, slightly nsfw, established relationship

warnings: this whole thing is a disgusting bloody mess and not in the way you think. menstruation talk - from the use of hygiene materials to the smell of period blood, jk loves period blood - oop., casual conversation about sex and genitals

summary: You decide to brave the mystery that is menstrual cups. Jungkook is intrigued to say the least.

a/n: i needed a break from all my long af fics. u can blame my brain. u can also blame Jess @shelive-shelove for telling me to write this. and for helping me pick a member to write about - but then again, she always picks jk. also @joonie-mono kept judging me so now that it exists she has to read it. :-)

The simple matte black box sits on the bathroom counter and it’s incredibly intimidating despite it just sitting there. You pick it up and open the case to reveal an equally black menstrual cup sitting on top of a black pouch. A slip of paper falls out when you open it and you pick it up.

Greetings Y/N! We’re so glad you’ve decided to become the owner of a BLAKD cup. We understand some people don’t want color stained cups so we went ahead and…

You toss the card to the side and pick up the cup and turn it around in both awe and trepidation. There’s a knock on the open door but you don’t bother to look up.

“What’s that you go there?”

“JK honey, tell me. How am I supposed to stick this up my nether region?”

Jungkook snorts and plucks the cup from your hand.

“Well, my dick is bigger than this and you do such a good job taking it all in so I know my baby can handle this small thing.” He pats your cheek lovingly

You squeak and swat his arm away in disbelief. “Jungkook! I swear! You—that’s different! I’m not horny when I’m trying to stick this-this monster inside of me.”

He laughs and quickly covers the little distance between you, pulling you flush against him.

“First of all, that’s an insult to my dick because this,” he waves the cup in front of you and you roll your eyes at him “is no monster. Secondly, maybe we should get you horny first so it won’t be an issue.” He wiggles his eyebrows and licks his bottom lip in anticipation.

You scoff and push him away, taking the cup back from him.

“I need to figure out how to stick this up my very unaroused vagina, so please go and do your vampy things and leave me alone for a few minutes.”

He merely shrugs but of course your boyfriend who must know everything about everything asks, “But babe, what’s wrong with what you usually use?”

Ah, now that’s a good question. You’ve used pads and tampons for so long and frankly you are so utterly fed up with the mess that is Aunt Flo.

“Jungkook, you won’t even understand even if I told you.”

“Try me.”

You raise a brow but proceed anyway. “Well they stink, for one.”

“False. I love the way you sme—okay, sorry. Go on.”

“Pads are so annoying especially when you’re sweaty and they stick to your butt and somehow you always end up bleeding everywhere except on the pad! And then tampons! Just the general scare that it’ll be stuck there for too long or it’ll poison you or that you’re actually not bleeding as much as you thought you were and you’re dry af and it gets so uncomfortable to take out!” you voice dies out, nearly out of breath because you failed to pause after each sentence. Jungkook watches you with amusement painted throughout his face and relaxed posture resting against the counter.

Your chest is heaving but you continue after taking a few short breaths, “Period panties are okay but I’d like some extra insurance y’know? Also everything is so fucking expensive! Tell me why we’re being paid to tend to something we absolutely cannot control? I fucking bet you if men had periods, they’d free bleed every month and expect everyone to be okay with it. But because we’re women we have to hide it because it makes—”

Jungkook breaks you off mid-tangent kisses you and grins. “Had to stop you before you start ranting for a whole 10 minutes and then forget why you were talking in the first place.”

You return the kiss and give him an appreciative smile. Most people aren’t into the “kiss someone to get them to shut up” but in your case, you appreciated the kisses because one, Jungkook gives the best kisses and two, you really would go off forever if he didn’t shut you up.

“Thanks, baby. Now please leave,” you say before shoving him out the bathroom and locking the door behind him.

After what felt like (and probably was) two hours you are finally out of the bathroom, feeling so utterly defeated and exhausted. You had gotten it in, but at what cost? Both your hands still reek of blood despite scrubbing thoroughly for several minutes with soap. Your thighs are aching from squatting for so long as well. You plop down on the couch beside your boyfriend who’s occupied playing some rando shooting game on the PlayStation. He inhales deeply and shoots you a quick glance. You give him a questioning look but he doesn’t say anything.

After his match, he leans in close to your stomach and takes another big whiff. You’ve long passed being surprised at how much Jungkook likes smelling you. You’d think he was a werewolf or something. Not that you’d tell him that because you were not in the mood to be dicked down just to “prove a point.”

“Hm? You don’t smell like you normally do?”

“Huh, I’m honestly shocked considering how much I bled all over my hands and thighs.”

“Careful, Y/N. You might make me horny,” he muses as he enters another match.

“You’re gross.”

“So, what does the blood just… sit there?”

“Mm, yeah. The cup keeps it all inside and when I take it out the blood will be there.”

“Tell me when you’re gonna take it out, okay?”

Without breaking eye contact with the television screen, he tilts his head to plop a quick kiss on your forehead. You pull a blanket over you and watch on as your endearing thousand year old boyfriend destroys the hundredth controller because he’s still very much a baby vampy and sometimes he forgets his own strength.

“Ohhh my goood this is so fucking weird,” you mutter in disgust.

Here you are, at the end of a full day of doing absolutely nothing, squatting in the tub once again. This time, instead of sticking a foreign object up your vagina, you’re trying to pull it out. You finally have a grip on the stem and your thighs are screaming at you but you fight through the burn because no way in hell are you gonna risk dropping your cup in the toilet bowl. The several guides you found on the internet said it helped to use your muscles to push it out.

“Okay, here goes nothing.”

You push and you eventually feel the suction giving way. A few drops of liquid spill out over your hand and you grimace at how warm it is. You finally pull it out from inside you and you lift it up to inspect the contents of the cup. God it was startling how warm the cup is. It was both disgusting and fascinating to see how much blood you can bleed within half a day. And the best thing—it doesn’t smell! You’re done being weirdly fascinated with your blood now. You’ve definitely been with Jungkook for too long. You hold the cup away from you and tilt it to pour down the—

“NNOOOO!!!! STOP Y/N!!!!”

Your boyfriend stumbles into the bathroom and you watch him with absolute befuddlement as he inches closer to you with crazed eyes.

“Baby,” he reaches out to you, “what were you just going to do?”

“Um, pour out my period blood?”

“Baby!!” he practically whines and kneels beside the tub.

“...Yes? Jungkook?” You’re at a complete loss for why he came bursting here in such a hurry.

“I thought I asked you to tell me when you were gonna take it out.”

“I’m sorry hun. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I’m just taking it out?”

“Babe.”

“Mhm?”

“I’m a vampire.”

“Mhm.”

“And I’m your boyfriend.”

“Okay.”

“Are you really going to make me say it?”

“Jungkook, I don’t even know what you’re talking about so if you could just tell me, that’d be great.”

He groans into his hands and peeks at you through his fingers.

“I wanna drink it.”

Oh, for god’s sake. You restrain yourself from rolling your eyes at him. You weren’t ignorant to his obsession with blood, especially during that time of the month. He was a vampire, after all. This was a whole new experience though with nearly an ounce of your blood right in your hand. Before you can second guess yourself, you hand the cup to your very pouty boyfriend who takes it with a now huge smile gracing his face.

He brings the cup directly under his nose and takes a quick whiff. You wrinkle your nose in distaste. And then he lets out a deep, guttural moan. He flicks his tongue in the pool of blood then promptly empties the blood into his mouth. A normal person would not shiver at the sight of their boyfriend drinking their blood, but you’ve long resigned the fact that you were not normal. Your eyes fixate on the trail of blood that missed his mouth and now fall down the side of his mouth to his chin. You swallow in sync with Jungkook who hands you back the empty cup.

His voice is hoarse when he speaks. “Please never stop using this cup. It is the greatest creation of the modern times… Next to the internet. Also don’t ever drain your blood anymore. Give it to me. Save the ocean.”

“You absolute dork,” you laugh and continue your downward gaze of his body. That’s when you see it.

“Oh my god. Jungkook. Did you… baby are you horny?”

#jungkook fanfic #btsghostie #vampire jungkook #jungkook fluff #bts fanfic #f:vampire's wine #i'm so sorry #also black menstrual cups do exist #omg you guys tell me to stop re-editing this every 10 minutes

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ordinaryschmuck · 3 years

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What I Thought About the First Season of--

Salutations random people on the internet who most likely won’t read this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

When I first saw the sneak peek of--

...I...didn't...think it would be anything all that special. I love animation, and I love superheroes, so it would go without saying that I would love an animated series about superheroes. But the animation looked a little too stiff for my liking, and aside from featuring J.K. Simmons, there wasn't anything grabbing me when it comes to this show.

Then I heard some s**t goes down at the end of episode one. So, letting my curiosity get the better of me, I binged the entire series in a day to see what the fuss was about. And, um...Yeah. Holy s**t.

This is a series that will very much make you uncomfortable in all the right ways. However, it is a gigantic gorefest at times, so if you get queasy after a single drop of blood, DON'T WATCH THIS SHOW! Trust me, you will not be prepared for what this series has to offer.

At the same time, I highly recommend you watch this series before reading this review. I'm going to spoil major plot points and characters so I can appropriately discuss what I think about the season, so trust me when I say you should click away if you haven't watched it yet. It's one of those series that are better to go in as blind as possible. You can call it a cheap way to appeal to shock value, but I call it one of the best reasons why--

...Is a contender for best-animated series of the decade--That bit with the title card isn't going away anytime soon, is it?

WHAT I LIKE

The Guardians of the Globe vs. The Mauler Twins: This is the best possible way for the series to begin. The first fight scene is bright, colorful, and kinda fun. Thus setting the ultimate expectation subversion in making audiences think that will be the series staple. However, just because it has the energy of a harmless superhero fight, there is a sense of intensity as the Guardians give their all in saving others. Like that moment with Darkwing (Not the duck) as he rescues that woman without hesitation, despite knowing he might die because of it. Or Green Ghost, who just barely rescues all those civilians from that falling debris. It shows that you don't need intense scenes of violence to make a fight scene thrilling to watch.

Diversity Wins: I don't know how diverse the comics are compared to the show, but I'm impressed with how inclusive this series is. So many members of the main cast are people of color, with the main lead being half-Korean. And it's not just different races that the series shines a light on, as we also get the rare, but very much welcomed, animated male gay character. Who's thankfully isn't cliched in ten ways to Sunday...for the most part. It really does seem like writers are starting to grow up and that it's better to be as inclusive as possible instead of pretending certain people don't exist for the sake of "convenience." It might not solve oppression in general, but it certainly makes certain people feel better, even if it is briefly.

Mark Grayson: Mark is a pretty solid super-protagonist if you ask me. Sure, at first, he comes across as whiney...and even more so in later episodes, but he's really an endearing character at times. Mark nails the role of the relatable everyman that's also inspirational with his determination since he never gives up until beaten to the inch of his life. Seriously, while he might not entirely be--

...I guess that bit with the title card really isn't going away.

Anyways, while he might not entirely be invulnerable in the literal sense, he is very much so in the figurative sense. Mark, in so many ways, refuses to call quits once he finally gets the hang of being a superhero, which is what makes him so inspirational. Plus, it's funny seeing how much of a rookie he can be to the gig at times. Mark is far from a perfect lead but is still charming to a fault, and it's nice seeing him grow more heroic each episode. I hope to see him develop more in future seasons, as he has the potential to be ranked higher up as one of my favorite superheroes (it's hard to compete with Spider-Man and Batman, but he'll make me consider it).

Debbie Grayson: This is almost what I expect a mother and wife of superheroes would be.

Your son is constantly crash landing in your yard? Tell him to knock it off because he's past his curfew.

Your husband disappeared into another dimension to fight off invaders? Shrug it off and expect that he'll be late for dinner.

It's a ton of fun to watch, and I adore how supportive she is of Mark, despite how much danger he could be in as a superhero. But, what really endears me with Debbie is her complicated feelings with Omni-Man. There's not a doubt in my mind that she loved him with her whole heart, but she also isn't an idiot. She is quick to pick up how unheroic her husband can be at times, often scolding him for it when necessary. And when she finally starts investigating if he really did kill the Guardians, I love that she instantly comes up with every single plausible excuse she can, despite knowing the truth. Because she believes that she knows who Omni-Man is and refuses any possibility that he might be a supervillain. So when she finds out that there really is no other explanation and hearing him call her a pet (big ouch when that happened), you wanna know what she does? She cries. Not because the man she loved is gone forever, but because the idea of him is. And it's that level of emotional devastation that comes from those complicated emotions that make me think Debbie Grayson is the most complex and endearing character on the show. And I. Will. Stand by that.

Seeing the Guardians of the Globe on their down time: Wow, what a cute collection of scenes that are charming as much as they are heartwarming! A set of scenes that show how human these characters are with their close relationships with friends and family! I sure hope it's not followed up with a brutal emotional gut-punch of a scene that will be even more devastating after thinking back on these! Especially with that bit with Martian Man and the little girl, cause OOO-WEE, would THAT tear me up inside!

Omni Man destroying the Guardians of the Globe:...I'd follow through on my joke here, but holy s**t.

That's really the best way I can describe all of this. It is a brutal, I repeat, BRUTAL scene that will stick with you hours after watching it. Not only that, but it's one of the few instances when I was damn near speechless because I couldn't think of anything else to say other than, "Holy s**t." The only time another superhero property did that was Avengers: Infinity War, except with that, the only difference is that the characters come back. Here, except for The Immortal, the Guardians stay dead! There's no magic amulet or alternate versions from another dimension. No, they die and never come back. Thus setting up how serious the show can be. Because if these superheroes can stay dead, then so can others.

Plus, what makes it more impactful is how throughout the entire fight, there was a glimpse of hope that the Guardians can beat Omni-Man. I heard he got nerfed for the sake of drama, and I approve of that decision. Because if he was really--

...If he was really unbeatable, then the fight doesn't have weight to it. There wouldn't be a point in rooting for these characters to win when we already know they're going to lose. But, by showing there's a chance that they could win, it becomes all the more intense watching the fight and even more tragic seeing them lose. It is a masterpiece of a battle that proves once and for all: Batman is right. You need contingency plans.

Omni Man: J. Jonah Jameson has become the one thing he hates the most: A masked MENACE...Ok, I know Omni-Man doesn't wear a mask, so the joke doesn't work as well as it could. But it was served to me on a silver platter, damn it! I had to take it!

In all seriousness, though, Omni-Man might give Homelander a run for his money on best evil Superman. Because while Homelander might be terrifying in his own right with his style of evil, Omni-Man takes it a step up a notch with the mystery behind WHY he killed the Guardians of the Globe. We know right away that there's something off with him, but up until that point, we see multiple instances of Omni-Man doing the right thing rather than the wrong. Sure, he might come off as cold when interacting with people, but so does Batman and other great superheroes in comics. That doesn't mean he's evil. So when he does do something so incredibly heinous, we're left with this mystery as to why. Because there has to be a reason for it all, right? Like, maybe mind control or his family was threatened. Something and anything that means he was forced into killing the noblest of people. So when it turns out that his actions were intentional, it is already pretty devastating. But when we find out why he does these things, it paints how truly evil Omni-Man is, given how little respect he has for human life.

Plus, as terrifying as Homelander is, Omni-Man is ten times more of an engaging villain. With Homelander, what you see is what you get: A narcissist with a god complex. For Omni-Man, it's more or less the same thing, but it's something fed to him because of the conditioning from his planet. There is a tiny, molecule-sized part of him that genuinely cares about others. It doesn't change what he does, nor does it mean he deserves forgiveness (far from it), but it hints that maybe he's not evil because of his own ego. It's because of how he's trained to be. And judging by his pained expressions from Mark's words and the single tear he sheds when leaving everything behind, there's a chance that he might be willing to fight back that mentality.

Or he will stay evil, and that he'll return to do worse things in the future. I don't know. I haven't read the comics. But I feel like I don't need to read anything to tell you all that Omni-Man is up there as one of the most intriguing comic book villains of all time, and I can't wait to see what happens with him next.

This show is f**king Violent: I mean, I refer you back to that scene where Omni-Man destroys the Guardians of the Globe. But, unlike other shows that use violence to force that mature rating, I feel as though In--

...Title card. You were cute the first time, but now your novelty has quickly worn thin.

Anyways, I feel as though this show...uses gore more appropriately. More often than not, death and carnage get treated as a literal joke in adult cartoons because people are sick bastards, I guess. But with...the current series I'm talking about, it all has an impact. No one dies or gets mangled for the sake of shock value or for a laugh. Instead, every instance of this type of violence is to either make a point, set the tone, or prove just how dangerous a specific character is. It makes...the series more mature than most adult cartoons you'll find because it actually brings a worthy discussion for its violence rather than milking it to give the illusion of maturity. And I gotta respect the writers for doing that.

Cecil: This man is basically Nick Fury if he was overpowered but in a good way. There is just something about a man who knows superheroes are needed in the world but also trusts a "hero" like Omni-Man as far as he can throw him. Not only does Cecil have contingency plans for his contingency plans, but the guy also knows to send the right heroes out for the exact missions that require them. Plus, a man is an instant badass when he's stone-faced about a demon saying he'll go somewhere worse than hell and is calm when being face-to-face with an angry Omni-Man.

I don't make the rules. I just abide by them.

The title card gets bloodier with each episode: This is just a really cool gimmick. It proves how intense this show can really be and how the stakes get higher and higher with each installment. Also, I like to think the amount of blood that splashes over the title card reflects how brutal the episode will be, especially with episode eight, 'cause holy hell.

The plot structure: The way the story works is very similar to how a comic book series handles its overarching narrative. Even though the writers begin a new arc that continues for a handful of issues, the overall main plot still develops in the background of the current adventure the hero goes through. That's basically how--

>Intense inhale<

>Calm exhale<

That's basically how THIS SHOW operates. Each episode can be seen as its own story that's given a ton of room to develop with its forty-five-minute runtime (which blew my f**king mind when I started binging it). Despite that, there's still a great sense of continuity. Everything involving Omni-Man and the mystery behind his murder of the Guardians gets fleshed out throughout the season, even when it takes the background of Mark's escapades. It really does feel like sitting down and taking the time to read an entire volume of comics, which I like to believe is the intention. After all, what's the point of making a series about superheroes if you don't make it feel like a comic book at least once?

Dark Blood: I desire a series based on this character alone. I know it's probably just Hellboy, but I want it.

The idea of a demon solving murder crimes to work off his debt in Hell is too much of a remarkable concept to strictly be a c-plot in one series. Give Dark Blood a spin-off, damn it!

The Realistic Portrayal of a Superhero world: Unlike certain superhero properties--*cough* DC *cough*--it's--

>Huff<

>Puff<

>HUFF<

>PUFF<

>HUFF<

It's. This. F**KING. SHOW! That really does an excellent job at portraying how much it would suck to live in a world of superheroes. Sure, you got the cool battles and awe-inspiring heroes with incredible powers, but do you know what else you get? Hundreds upon thousands of people dying from the very threats those heroes fight against. Not to mention all the realistic physics that come from people like Mark trying to save others. Just look at how mangled that old woman looked when he attempted to help her. It, uh...It sure did not look great. Don't get me wrong, I love superheroes and the worlds they live in. But when watching a show like...this one, it really makes me appreciate how I don't live in those worlds with them.

It’s Still Funny: This is something I appreciate the most. When most superhero shows go for the realistic approach, they go with the doom and gloom route, making everything so melodramatic about how serious the world is. But here's the thing: Superheroes are f**king stupid.

Don't tell me they're not because they are. Superheroes have cornball hero names, bright costumes, and logos on their foreheads, chests, belts, and what-have-you. Taking a superhero too seriously is the worst mistake you could make, which is why I love the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Say what you want about Marvel having "too many jokes," but at least they know it's for the best to laugh at themselves and embrace the weirdness. It's something similar with...you know what. Because while the series tells a serious and realistic story about superheroes, it's still a story about superheroes. So it tells some jokes and some pretty funny ones at that. Because while it's essential to include some drama in a story such as the one in...you know what, it's just as important to never forget to have some fun.

“Earth is not yours to conquer.”: Such a great line that gains an even greater meaning once we fully know who Omni-Man is. The main creditor for how effective it is goes to J.K. Simmons for making the line sound explicit yet implicit at the same time.

Allen the Alien: ...It is an absolute crime that this character only has about six minutes of screentime. Allen is such a bro, partially because of Seth Rogan's performance, that I would honestly be upset if he doesn't show up more often in later seasons. Seriously, bring him back for more.

The Mauler Twins: Thankfully, these characters get as much attention as they deserve. The banter between the Mauler Twins is always entertaining, often being the comedic highlights at times. On top of being funny, they also work as efficient villains who can come across as threatening at times.

But what I love most of all about these two is the explanation behind the cloning process. The reasoning of why neither character remembers which one is the cone is a brilliant idea that I'm surprised no one else did in the past (to my knowledge). It also provides some excellent fruit for thought in wondering if it really is better to live your life not knowing if you're a clone or not. The whole thing is great to watch, and it makes me really glad for their inclusion...too bad they had to be forced into a story that makes a character look like a reckless superhero and an inconsiderate jackass to his friend. Seriously, what was up with that?

“That Actually Hurt”: This just might be my favorite episode of the first season. Machine Head is both equally hilarious and devious, Titan might just be my favorite character due to how intriguing his allegiances and motivations are, that final fight was the perfect amount of brutal, and we get the biggest hint of the man Omni-Man really is. Having him simply watching Mark instead of flying in to help him actually shocked me the first time seeing it. It's not until we learn what a Viltrumite really is that it becomes clear as to why. He doesn't care about saving his son but instead seeing Mark reach the same potential Omni-Man did during that smash fest the planet went through to reach perfection. And something tells me he felt more disappointment than sadness after seeing his son get nearly killed by Tony the Tiger (I know he has an actual name...but this is funnier to me). It's such a solid moment with great implications that just so happens to exist in an even greater episode.

Eve deciding to just help people for the heck of it: I actually love this idea more for the potential it has rather than what actually happens so far. Because the main reason why heroes don't fly around and solve every little minute problem people have is that they need to learn how to act without help. If you suddenly make food appear out of thin air or stopping forest fires, you're doing good, but there's also potential harm that comes from it. I think back to that episode of The Powerpuff Girls, where the townspeople are so idiotic and complacent with having their heroes solve every problem that they really can't think or act for themselves. A similar thing can happen with Eve if she's not careful. Even worse, if she keeps trying to end famine for farmers, because she might get into a Supergirl situation with people building a cult around her. And, you know, that's not going to be fun.

But again, that's just the potential that this presents. We--Or the people who haven't read the comics--don't know if Eve will actually face this issue. Regardless, we still get some solid moments that proves just how much Eve is a true hero in this series as she has no other motive to help people other than she just wants to. And I actually think that's pretty cool.

The Immortal’s rematch: I gotta hand it to the guy. Not a second after being brought back to life, and The Immortal's already flying off to get revenge on the bastard who killed his closest friends in the world. Or, globe, I guess.

I respect that, to be honest.

(As a bonus, The Immortal causing Omni-Man's eyes to become bloodshot adds to how evil he'll be in the last episode)

Mark trying to snap his dad out of mind-control: Oh, I felt that.

I'm pretty sure we all felt that.

Ow...Big ow.

The Train Scene: ...This is the most horrific thing I have seen in entertainment. Seriously, while Omni-Man annihilating the Guardians left me speechless, this is another level. Because him using Mark's body to kill a train full of people ramming into them, leaving Mark all the more helpless to stop it, makes a scene that is so...so hard for me to describe how effectively f**ked up it is. It's one of those moments where just by seeing it, you know why it's awful in all the right ways. And I will never forget the look of shock and horror on my face when it reflected onto my laptop's screen after the scene briefly cut to black soon after the carnage. Because if that doesn't explain how unmerciful this moment is, I don't know what will.

Saving Mark after the fight: I really love this because as it flashes between still images of people carrying Mark away after his brutal fight with Omni-Man, it really feels like you're reading a comic from panel to panel. It’s pretty neat. I won’t lie.

WHAT I DISLIKE

The Animation isn’t that great: Now, in terms of action, the animation is fantastic. You feel the impact of each attack, there are some creative uses of powers, and the gore is better implemented because it's all animated. As for everything else...yeah, it kinda sucks. Movements are a little stiff at times, the CGI backgrounds could use a bit more polish, and don't get me started on the CGI crowds of people. I understand the shortcuts that need to be taken to make everything else more effective, but man, this series needed a little more time in the oven before being shown to everyone. It's never too bad, but it can be pretty distracting at times.

Amber: F**k Amber. Just f**k her. Everything people tell you that is wrong with her is one-hundred percent on point. She is easily one of the worst love interests, and to me, it has everything to do with the fact that she knows Mark is--

...That she knows Mark is--

...

...ThatsheknowsMarkisInvinci--

--BECAUSE IT INVALIDATES ANY POINT SHE HAS, GOSH DANGIT! I don't give a single S**T if she's upset that he's late all the time! If Amber was always unaware of it, then I would understand. But having her know means that she thinks her issues are more important than Mark, oh, I don't know, SAVING THE PLANET! I mean, the girl helps feed the homeless! You would think she would understand.

But fine. Maybe Amber's just upset that Mark's lying to her. Sure. That's understandable...BUT WHAT THE F**K IS UP WITH HER BLOWING UP IN HIS FACE FOR NOT HELPING ANYBODY AT THE COLLEGE WHEN SHE KNOWS HE'S HELPING EVERYBODY!? Even if it's her giving Mark one last chance to tell her the truth (which is a mile of a stretch, and you know it), did she really expect him to reveal his secret with tons of people watching? That is a crazy expectation that no one should live up to!

Amber is quite possibly the worst thing about this show. She was fine at first, and her chemistry with Mark was on point, but MAN, did she get worse later on.

And if I see one mother f**ker calling me a racist because I don't like this character who just so happens to be black...I'm going to be upset, not gonna lie. Because that is a cheap shot to dismiss any criticism, especially since her race has NOTHING to do with why people hate her...Or, at least, most people.

Edit (5/27/2021): Disregard the above. The long and short is that I don’t like Amber. She just doesn’t sit right with me for the reasons that her anger towards Mark just never felt entertaining to me in comparision to everything else. But saying her thoughts and arguements are invalid is not cool, and I’m sorry to both any readers who are black or especially female who would be upset by this.

Rex-splode: I understand the point behind Rex. He's a character who we're supposed to hate, so it becomes so much more satisfying seeing others s**t on him. But those characters are hard to get right if you’re not careful. Make them too irritating, then any suffering they go through will seem too little. Make them not annoying enough, and their punishments can be too harsh. Rex fits into the "too irritating" category. It's satisfying to see Monster Girl wreck his s**t after he started commenting how ineffective she might be, but with what he pulled with Dupli-Kate, I feel as though he might deserve worse. Although I will admit Rex gets slightly better in later episodes, showing at least a smidgen of character development. But I don't think it's enough to make his a**holeness worth it. Still, I hope he at least becomes above decent in the next few seasons, which is way more than what I can say for Amber.

(Seriously, writers, if she just disappears without an ounce of an explanation in the season premiere, I won't question it. You have my word.)

Edit: I no longer agree with what I crossed out, but I won’t delete it either. I want people to know the mistake I made so I can prove that I changed in the future.

Robot cloning himself to be with Monster Girl: ...Nope!

Nope!

Changed my mind.

I am NOT touching that.

I will touch a lot of things, but I will not touch--That came out wrong.

Please forget you read anything.

Thank you, and goodnight.

Let’s move on

Transitioning to the title card: Here it is! The nitpickiest of all nitpicks! But, seeing how it happens in every episode, meaning that the writers have no choice but to commit to it, means it's one of those things that viewers are forced to get used to. And boy, is the transition to the title card hard to get used to! Oh, you thought it was annoying how it kept happening in this review? Well...fair enough. But trust me when I say it's much more aggravating in the show.

The funny thing is, I had no problem the first time it happened. It was a cute way to introduce the character as well as the title of the series. But having that be the basis for transitioning to the title card every time was a gimmick that got old real quick. Especially since every time that a character says the word--

--it always feels forced. What's even more annoying is that sometimes it interrupts characters as they're saying invin--

LIKE! F**KING! THAT! Because interrupting someone before they say something is one thing, but doing so as they're saying it shows a sense of bad timing. Not even that, because this is something that I feel like could have been the easiest to change in the series by having someone go, "Hey, maybe we should edit out this single second."

It's laziness that doesn't happen often, but it still grinds my gears a bit. Plus, is there really no other smoother transition the writers could come up with? Did they really believe this is the best way to do it?

Think, writers! THINK!

It's fine to have a gimmick, but this is one that really shouldn't have any follow-through on.

-------------

That's about all the issues I have with the show. It's far from perfect, but still, an A- is pretty impressive work. The stuff that this series does right not only outnumbers the mistakes but also heavily outweighs them. Besides, no show in the history of creativity has ever been perfect in its first season. There are always dents that need to get buffed out and improve upon for the subsequent seasons to come. Only then can a series truly be Invincible from all criticism.

...

...Oh, sure.

SURE!

NOW it lets me say it!

GOSH, DANGIT, I HATE THAT TITLE CARD!

#invincible #mark grayson #omni-man #debbie grayson #amber bennett #what I thought about

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that-wildwolf · 3 years

Text

I was tagged by @crescentbunny and I'm not tagging anyone in particular because I never really have a good grip on who's already done a tag game and who hasn't...

Anyway! Here goes :)

How many works do you have on AO3?

I write lots of one-shots, so this should be around thirty... Yep, twenty-seven.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

Where do you check that? You can check that???

*spends approximately 10 minutes going through AO3 settings they didn't know existed*

Cool! A lot of features I didn't know about. Anyway, um. Yes. My total word count is, for the moment, 471,674 words.

Wow. I. Um. Almost 500K words. But—and this is extremely important—I feel like this graph contains some vital information:

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Wow. Okay. I'll do this in chronological order because I never really counted.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Inheritance, Assassin's Creed, The Wolf Among Us, The Walking Dead, Doctor Who, Star Wars, Attack on Titan, Fallout, Sarah Jane Adventures, Elder Scrolls, Mass Effect, Steven Universe. I don't think I missed anything...?

That adds up to 13.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Of course I do! I thrive on feedback! Not implying that my entire self-esteem hinges on the approval of strangers on the internet, but comments are the best fucking thing ever! Instant serotonin for a whole day! Of course I'll reply! I love getting into little conversations with my readers, too!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Wow. I'm usually more of a happy ending kind of person, but A New Quest (which I wrote at the super proud age of 11) did end with half of the main characters dead and a memorial service for them as the last scene, so... You know. If you consider that angsty, then sure.

Fun fact: Crossing A Line was actually originally supposed to end with Shepard dying! The last chapter (which to me still feels a bit out of place) was rewritten completely. I'm glad I changed it, though. I'm having a lot of fun with the sequel!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

A month ago I'd have said Waiting Between Worlds without second thoughts—does it count as a happy ending when the whole fic is just a happy ending?—but it's just been going downhill the last three or four chapters. Pretty much every one of my one-shots in the When I Need You series. Also, Crossing A Line, I guess, now that it has a happy ending.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I... really don't. I'm wildly ace, all my sex knowledge comes from smut and porn and I'm pretty sure that if I were to actually write the adult stuff, I'd either go way overboard and make it too obscene to read or end up with something completely dry and clinical and unreadable too.

When there's sex scenes in my fic, I usually leave them implied. I say the characters had sex, but I never explicitly write the actual sex. I don't think I'd be good at it. (Actually, I've tried plenty of times and I know I'm not. It's the dirtiest, kinkiest filth you'd ever see and I'd really recommend against reading it.)

I do like writing the pre-chorus to sex, as it were, though. The sensual foreplay to the sexual foreplay. The soft or heated moments leading up to the act. I've even gotten comments about my lime being "extremely hot despite not being smut" and I'm more than happy with that description.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the strangest one you’ve written?

I used to write crossovers. Now I only sometimes write AUs based on a different fandom, like a Shakarian Kimi no Na wa!AU.

The strangest crossover I've ever written? Don't know if any of them were strange. I had The Wolf Among Us/The Walking Dead crossovers and Doctor Who/Sarah Jane Adventures crossovers, but both of those pretty much exist in the same universe already, so... No. No weird crossovers.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

God, I hope not. At least none that I know of.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes. Plenty. A lot. I'd wager around 4 out of 5 comments on my Shepard Twins fanfic are negative. I haven't updated the fic in a while, but that doesn't mean I'm not writing anymore. I have around 50K words' worth of WIP of it. So no, the hate comments don't bother me. (A lie: they bother me a lot. They even make me cry, sometimes. But they're not gonna be the reason I stop writing a story I enjoy.)

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

My very first fanfiction writing experience, actually. In retrospect, I think that worked out great, because that kind of cooperation made it easier to carry the whole thing through, get it to the end, and was a very positive experience - which is probably why I've continued to write fanfic.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Ahhh. Royai or Shakarian? Royai or Shakarian? Stupid, since they're almost the same relationship dynamic, but they're both amazingly written. I'm edging a bit more towards Shakarian, because interspecies stuff is always a bonus. Still, it's a close competition.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I wish! I've translated other people's fics, but I've yet to have someone do that for me.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I plan to hope to finish all my WIPs.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue. This is going to come off as boastful, but I think I'm pretty good at replicating individual characters' speech patterns.

What are your writing weaknesses?

According to my beta, I use elispses too liberally. According to me, I have trouble with transition scenes. I never write in order, so I always end up with disconnected scenes I need to join into a chapter. And the join parts don't even come easy to me.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Not a fan. (When I write fanfics in Polish, I sometimes use English, but that's not the same because everyone in Poland knows English anyway.) If it's a made-up language in the fandom, I like to include some words every now and then in dialogue - especially when it doesn't translate exactly. I love spotlighting cultural differences. I actually learned a load of Jel words for my Murkmire fanfics.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Percy Jackson and the Olympians. Good times. Damn, that was a long time ago. *suddenly gets the overwhelming realization that they've been writing fanfic for the bigger part of their life* ...Wow.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Big Spoon/Little Spoon, a short Shakarian one-shot exploring the psychology of the Spacer background a bit. I also used lighting in a really cool way in this one! I'm really proud of it. Even when I call it "the Spooning As A Metaphor For Nationality Issues fanfic", I mean it in an affectionate way.

As far as non-one-shots go, I'm going with Crossing A Line. It's got it all: Enemies to Lovers, language barrier, interspecies awkwardness... Plus, writing from Garrus's POV is always a treat. I get to refer to humans as "aliens". What more could you want?

#tag game #writing #fanfic #fanfic writing #meet the blogger #aka #wild rambles #thanks for tagging me in this bunny it was a lot of fun!#my life #long post

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utilitycaster · 3 years

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Hello I am here to encourage you, please talk about fanfic culture and practices and relationship to canon all day long.

Thank you for encouraging my procrastination and love of hearing my own voice on the internet (also people who asked about expertise...I got you, that one is very near and dear to both my bard-player and DM heart and so I am using “hey, you can write this” as motivation to get some work done earlier today. Anyway, on fanfic and meta and them being different things: something that is almost entirely a matter of opinion but also I am right.

So just as background: I am a grown-ass adult, and despite having internet access from childhood (and, iirc, cable internet by the time I was in high school yes I do remember dial-up vividly) I just never really spent much time in fandom spaces until now, and similarly I didn’t read that much fanfiction so this does come with that perspective.

Anyway, the emphasis I see on fanfiction’s validity in some circles, the whole “um actually The Inferno/Paradise Lost are fanfic” attitudes just...never made sense to me? Like, are you enjoying writing it and reading it? Then why the fuck do you care if it’s valid literature in the eyes of, idk, society or whatever. It’s sort of like that super old tumblr post that’s like Potterheads grab your wands; why do you care if other people don’t like the things you like? Why do you want them in your spaces? So the question of whether fanfiction is Valid and Good Art is just null at that point. And thank fuck because people still argue that genre fiction isn’t literature sometimes, and instead of wasting your energy on that argument you could just read more fantasy and sci-fi novels.

(If I were to answer it anyway, which I am, as a person who is not a writer by trade in any capacity...fanfiction is a fantastic place to hone certain skills. You can skip past the worldbuilding and characterization - all the groundwork-laying and exposition - and focus on plot and dialogue and your general voice. It’s sort of the opposite of DM-ing, in that way, which is primarily worldbuilding and exposition. Original fiction is harder because you have to make people care about your characters and world, whereas in fanfic they already do, and denying that fact is silly; good professional writers who credit fanfiction still have to have good original ideas too. But fanfiction does require its own skills, and denying that is equally silly.)

One argument I recently saw was that fanfiction was literary criticism, instead, and that doesn’t sit quite right. Meta is literary criticism: it is an analysis of the work, supported by textual evidence of the work, but ultimately one interpretation. It is possible to use fanfiction to explore the ideas of literary criticism-you can write out, essentially, the simulation of your theory-but it’s not limited to that. Fanfiction in my opinion should be generally supported by the text up to some divergence point (again, do what you want if you’re enjoying it but I do not understand the point of OOC fanfiction; you’re just taking the names of characters and plastering them on OCs, which, just write original fiction at that point) but it’s explicitly a place where you can explore things that did not and often will not happen. I’m usually not hugely into the fix-it fic in that I’m more interested in understanding why the creators took an unpopular turn, I have no taste for pretending that everything is fine when it’s not, and also, like, the finale of Battlestar Galactica still made me cry very hard even if it didn’t make much sense...but this is perhaps the best example of fanfiction reaching the potential I think it was intended to. It’s a place where you can play out a scenario that could have happened had things been a little different, whether it’s what you want to see but ultimately didn’t, or just an interesting idea you had.

Fanfiction also has other wish-fulfillment properties, namely, the emotional one. There’s a reason there are words for things like “fluff” or “hurt/comfort” or “angst”; sometimes you want these things in your fiction, and you want a character to which you relate to experience them. Again, it’s my personal taste that this be consistent with the narrative up to some divergence point, but I definitely enjoy things from these categories. This is also a strong argument against fanfiction as literary criticism, at least exclusively as such. Sometimes you write fanfiction to answer the question “What if this well-supported by canon, but as of yet unconfirmed fandom theory is correct?” Sometimes you write fanfiction to answer the question “What if we kissed in the fictional setting I like. What if that kiss happened after one of us knocked on the door of the other in the middle of the night, hand over a profusely bleeding wound in the lower abdomen, and collapsed shortly after the other opened the door, and this was neither in conflict with nor explicitly in support of the current canon.” And you know what, for all that I said validity doesn’t matter...that’s valid.

And I don’t want to say meta isn’t capable of being tied to some degree to wish fulfillment, because it is. There is (usually) textual support for multiple potential outcomes in a story because otherwise it would be very, very boring and linear and for toddlers (not a knock on toddlers, who are just doing their best with the cognitive development they’ve got); an opinion, in meta, is often stating the meta-writer’s preference of how the story may go. However, I think there is a point where the meta stops being “of the many potential textually-supported paths out there this is one I think the story will follow and also I like this” and turns into “this is what I want and I will cherry-pick the evidence I need even if it requires ignoring more recent developments or an understanding of such fourth wall concepts as author’s intent, narrative structure, etc.”

This comes up both for scenarios that go differently from how people want them (eg: death of a character, relationship not happening) and for the emotional wish fulfillment side of things (eg: injection of angst where it does not, textually, exist). And when that happens my attitude is almost always “why are you trying to make this meta when it’s fanfiction, especially since it could be pretty good fanfiction!” A really terrible fan theory or piece of meta can often make a really good fanfic story, because a theory is based in the reality of where the (fictional) story might go, whereas fanfiction allows for that divergence point.

Anyway I think trying to make fanfiction more valid and equating it to literary criticism, or worse, treating it as truer indicator of the story’s intent, in turn makes meta worse because it takes away that need for consistent textual support. Particularly in the case where fanfic is held as being a better indicator of the creator’s intent, which also throws actual canon into the mix, everything all blurs into a bland, dumb soup of “what I want is going to happen because it’s what I want and if it doesn’t the creator is wrong, and moreover, a bad person.” I think keeping these concepts separate while acknowledging the connections they have is good and makes for better everything - better theories and better fanfic. The meta that tends to make me roll my eyes isn’t the stuff arguing for an outcome I don’t want; it’s the stuff arguing for an outcome that doesn’t make narrative sense, the stuff that makes me go “man, you could have written a really good fanfic about this.”

#granted I have excellent taste and things that don't make narrative sense are usually things I don't want #but also there are plenty of things that make sense that I don't want and I still typically respect that meta #anyway....should probably do some work today huh.#Anonymous

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s1utspeare · 3 years

Note

20.) Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

oooooohhhhhh you’ve really done it now. I. Have. So much meta feelings. Omg. This is gonna be a long one. If u couldn’t tell i am a whole-ass meta HO and literally any of my work is going to have like. Layers and layers of meta work done in the background. I do a lot of classical literature work so I’m talking shit like writing the ending speech to a play based on The Tempest in the exact meter and rhyme scheme as the ending speech in that play.

Okay I’m going to do Swiftly Tilting meta bc that’s what most of you know, but if anyone would like to here about the Biggest Dramaturgical Undertaking of my Life, my Untimely Ripped senior thesis project, lemme know ;)

OKAY SO SOME META THINGS I PUT IN SWIFTLY TILTING

this one was mostly about the foreshadowing I think; there was soooo many steps and hints and stuff I was trying to throw in along the way, and a lot of people picked up on them, which was SO FUN. uhhhh. There are some things that turned into plot holes a little bit but there are a few bits that stayed pretty hidden! Like the fact that Jiang Zisuan was the full-blooded human that Wang Meng scented out in Chapter One, not Mao Xincheng. Um I loved putting in all of the species differences and tie-ins to canon, that was super fun. Oh! The journal that Sanshu found when researching Yincangui was Fo-ye’s! Zhang Rishan had put it on the ship and then lost it when he was trying to turn around and go back but was freaking out and all that stuff. Wu Xie isn’t actually a Shouling because he doesn’t own the ship, Sanshu does, but his crew call him that anyway because that’s what he is to them. Normally Kylin would have others of their species with them during regenerations to form those mental tethers, but since Zhang Rishan and Xiao-ge didn’t, Liu Sang was able to keep them psychically linked to avoid losing their memories. Since Liu Sang didn’t remember the execution frequency, he killed the metal porcupine monster on Lehan by literally just Screaming At It. After the gang leaves Yincangui it eventually just gets lost Permanently. Liu Sang never goes back. Huo Daofu insists that Zhang Rishan isn’t human at every single Nine Bloodlines meeting and everyone refuses to believe him and it drives him insane.

the other thing that I really enjoyed was the different POVs, especially the use of swear words in them??? Xiao Bai would swear, but only in dialogue. Kan Jian didn’t swear at all in his chapter, I don’t think. Pangzi used swear words like every other line (also was not as introspective as the other characters, which is why his chapter is one of my favorites? even though they’re grounded, it seems so active because Pangzi’s constantly in the action, he’s not ruminating on things like all of the others). Wang Meng only swore when Li Cu was in danger I’m pretty sure (also loved doing colors and sounds and smells and different senses with his POV). Xiao-ge swore when he though it was something Wu Xie would say (I also loved giving different emotional weight to his sentences and the ones in parentheses, as well as switching between Xiao-ge calling himself Xiao-ge or Zhang Qiling, depending on the level of danger they were in). Li Cu used Capital Letters to Emphasize Important Words A Lot (@jockvillagersonly pointed out that Li Cu’s chapter was literally just how I talk which I think is funny as shit) and swore a good amount bc he had picked it up from Wu Xie and Pangzi. Liu Sang didn’t swear because he was Literally A Baby (those chapters were also interesting because I had to keep him in the mindset of a child; there were so many ways things could have gone but he was a kid and he was panicking and he didn’t know how to handle a lot of things emotionally, so there’s a lot left out that an older narrator would have gotten). Wu Xie was sort of a combination of all of the pov voices we’ve had so far, which made sense because of how in-tune he was with the languages of his crew.

snake language for Li Cu! I used a lot of words like coiled and constricted and hissed and slithered and struck when describing his words and actions to really drive home his snake-like nature even before I revealed his species heritage.

I wrote all of the Fo-ye and Zhang Rishan backstory before I had seen much of Mystic Nine so I killed Ba-ye without knowing the Implications. I’m so sorry Ba-ye.

all of the acoustic stuff!!! the acoustic levitation and sound in space and sonic illusions were researched and like. hashed out before I wrote them! So theoretically they could all be real. I was like. deep in the science articles lmao.

ALSO!!! ON THAT NOTE (haha)!!! Liu Sang’s name in Yincanguian was an A-flat four. Su Baiyin’s was a G-major five, and if you plug all the frequencies listed in the journal into a frequency generator on the internet, you can hear what those words sound like in their language.

Liu Sang originally was going to be from a planet called Wangcen lmao. Also in the original outline they were going to completely destroy Yincangui and also pretty much all of Liu Sang’s backstory did not exist.

At the end of the fic, Sanshu is living with Chen Wen-Jin!

AH THERE WAS A LOT!!! Swiftly Tilting was literally so much fun to write, and so much fun to see what people caught, because everyone noticed different things!!! <3

Thank you so much for the ask, I live for this shit.

#here's 20 lol #meta #fic #ask tag #my writing #a swiftly tilting planet #dmbj

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hedwigstalons · 4 years

Text

SpaceBears - Taking The Plunge

These two have taken up residence in my head and made themselves comfortable. Far too comfortable.

This story takes place the day after ‘In the Beginning’ (here) but I think I’ve managed to write it so it still makes sense without reading the original. It probably helps to know that it takes place the day after Alan and Brandon hook up.

This instalment sticks to a T rating and that’s only really for some language from Gordon *rolls eyes at the aquanaut and his sailor talk*

If you prefer to read on AO3 you can do so here

Thank you to @willow-salix who checked my ramblings despite her own punishing upload schedule - go check out her stuff, she has put out some amazing chapters this week.

xoxoxox

Alan woke to find a heavy arm flung over him and warmth pressed against his back, gentle breaths tickling his neck. This wasn’t a completely unheard of experience if either he or a brother had dealt with a particularly traumatic rescue; sometimes being the baby of the family had its advantages and he wasn’t too proud to seek out familial comfort to dispel the nightmares. The difference this time was that neither the room he was in, nor the arm across him, belonged to a brother. Memories of the day before penetrated through the heavy fog of morning and brought with it understanding.

Brandon. The Expo. The kiss. Many kisses. And now here they were, curled up together after falling asleep in front of a movie.

The man behind him was evidently already awake and his stirrings had alerted him to his return to consciousness.

“Morning rocket boy. Any chance I can get my other arm back?”

The limb draped across him was removed and Alan rolled away, allowing him to both free the arm underneath him and to face his bed companion who was now flexing his fingers painfully as the blood flowed back.

“Sorry, you should have woken me,” he apologised with concern in his eyes.

“Nah, I figured you guys have to catch sleep when you can. I’ll live.” Alan was treated to a soft grin as Brandon massaged life back into his arm.

Finally satisfied that he had escaped pins and needles Brandon shuffled closer to close the gap between them. He reached out and rested one hand on Alan’s exposed waist where his t-shirt had rucked up and propped himself up on the other elbow.

Alan felt a warm glow spread through him at the touch and he returned the smile. Brandon’s hair, messy from sleep, was sticking out at all angles in untidy curls and Alan gently brushed back a stray lock that threatened to fall into Brandon’s eyes. Yesterday morning this moment would have been unthinkable, the thought of touching Brandon in this way confined to his secret dreams. To find out the feeling was mutual had been a surprising, yet welcome, revelation.

“Guess we’re giving this a go, huh?”

“Guess so.” Brandon tilted his head and lowered it, pulling Alan towards him as he kissed his sleepyhead...boyfriend? He guessed that was the right term now. It certainly felt right. Yesterday still felt a bit unreal but here he was, in Alan’s bed, actually getting to kiss the blonde who had been increasingly in his thoughts.

“I’m sorry about my brothers last night,” Alan muttered sheepishly once Brandon’s warm lips left his, “they can be a bit full on.”

“S’only ‘cos they care about you.”

There was something in Brandon’s eyes that Alan couldn’t quite name. Envy? Longing? He wasn’t too sure but the bleeping of his comm put paid to further musings. He groaned and rolled reluctantly away, sitting up to pick up the device that he knew wouldn’t go quiet until he answered it.

“What’s up, Gords?” he answered wearily as the grinning visage of his brother smirked at him in holographic form.

“Getting a little distracted there?” The waggling eyebrows left no illusions as to what Gordon could be referring to.

“Look, is this important or did you just drop in to check up on me?” he snapped. The last thing he needed was yet another brother butting in on his life, it had been bad enough having to listen to Scott and Virgil spell out the rules for his new relationship.

“Hey, relax. Just reminding you that you’re meant to log your mile time in the pool this morning. I know Brandon isn’t due to leave yet but you’re back on duty and Scott is still storming round like a thundercloud. Best not give him anything else to grump over.”

“Sorry, guess I’m just still a bit on edge.”

“Scott and Virg give you a hard time last night?” there was a softening of attitude from Gordon; he knew exactly what it was like to be on the receiving end of a lecture and it was rarely a fun experience.

“Something like that. Look, gimme 5 minutes and I’ll be there.”

“FAB,” Gordon cut the comm connection and winked out of existence.

Alan turned back to Brandon and found himself apologising yet again. “Sorry, I only got yesterday off. I wasn’t really anticipating any of this happening,” he gestured at the rumpled sheets, “or I’d have tried to get more time. It won’t take me long to do my swim but Gordon’s right, I need to get out there, the last thing I need is another lecture. Hey, you should come swim too.”

“Uh, I didn’t bring any stuff.”

“That’s okay. I’ll just comm Gordon and you can borrow some of his, he won’t mind and it’ll feel better than a shower.”

Brandon was definitely feeling in need of something to freshen up, while he and Alan had made it under the covers at some point during the night they were both still in their clothes from the day before. He really wasn’t keen on the idea of hitting the pool but before he could protest Alan had already called up Gordon and made arrangements for him to borrow something suitable.

Now that he had a deadline Alan was a bundle of energy. It surprised Brandon just how quickly Alan could go from sleepy and smudgy eyed to alert and bouncing but he guessed years of answering emergency calls at all times of the day and night had trained the astronaut to immediate wakefulness when required. In just a few short minutes Alan was ready, clad in swim shorts with a towel slung round his neck, leaving Brandon no option but to follow him to Gordon’s room.

They knocked and a cheery voice bade them come in. Gordon had beaten them to it and was already rummaging through his closet for something for Brandon to wear, the two of them were of a similar size and Brandon had no doubt the proffered board shorts would fit. He supposed he had to be grateful that Gordon hadn’t tried to kit him out in some of the many tiny speedos he knew the aquanaut owned but he still took the shorts only reluctantly. He sighed and headed off to his guest room to get changed and grab a towel.

xoxoxox

Once they were alone Gordon rounded on Alan, smirking.

“So, you and Brandon. How long have you been hiding this from us all? You do realise you’re probably the only one of us seeing any action at the moment.”

“I haven’t been hiding anything. Until yesterday I didn’t even know he liked me like that.” Alan could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. He should have known he wouldn’t have been able to escape a grilling from Gordon and being alone in the aquanaut’s room left him wide open. He was sorely tempted to just leave and head to the pool but knew he’d only get the suggestive remarks in a more public space. And anyway, Gordon had managed to place himself in the way of the door, cutting off his escape route.

“And you’ve already got Scott having kittens over it, I swear he thinks you’re still twelve sometimes. Only yesterday, huh? I know Brandon didn’t go back to the guest room last night; quick work there, Al. Maybe Scott is right to worry about you after all, you dark horse.” The smirk was joined by more wiggling eyebrows, eliciting a groan from Alan.

“Nothing happened, alright.” Now he was seriously blushing. At least Gordon wasn’t treating him like some kid to be wrapped in cotton wool, if anything he was overestimating things. “Scott caught us making out, that’s all. And later we just watched some movies.”

“If you say so.” There was a shrug that suggested Gordon wasn’t entirely convinced.

“I do say so.”

Alan threw himself back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. This was all so new to him but evidently his brothers had convinced themselves that he and Brandon were already screwing around. In reality though he was pretty apprehensive about the whole idea. He took a deep breath, hoping Gordon wouldn’t laugh at him.

“Um, so what’s it like? You know...with a guy?”

Gordon was caught off guard, the nervous quaver to the voice showed just how much this was eating away at Alan, while the question itself made him realise Alan had been serious that nothing had happened the night before. Theirs was a fairly open household so he was surprised at Alan’s hesitance to ask, but, on reflection, he probably would have been nervous too if he’d gone to an older brother for advice. Sensing this wasn’t a time for jokes and teasing he sat down near Alan’s feet.

“Aw, man.” The responsibility weighed heavy on Gordon and he brushed his fingers back through his hair, wondering where to begin. If he’d bothered to think about it he would have assumed Aan would have gone to one of the other brothers, any of the other brothers, except him. But then he realised a lot of his preconceptions had been wrong.

He’d always pegged Alan as a junior hybrid of John and Scott and with that came the false assumption that his little brother would eventually be seeking advice about girls, not that he was inexperienced there either, mind you. But Brandon? Brandon had been a surprise. He took a deep breath.

“Well, for a start don’t believe everything you see on the internet. You don’t need to go copying that shit; some of it’s okay for a bit of casual viewing but it’s not how you want to build a relationship.”

Alan sat up with a jolt, wrapping his arms around drawn up knees and staring at Gordon with wide eyed horror. “You do know John monitors our internet use, don’t you?”

Gordon rolled his eyes indulgently. “The Eye-In-The-Sky isn’t going to have a watchalong with you if that’s what you’re worried about, and judging from the fact we are even having this conversation about guys says to me your tastes run a little differently to his. Unless you start looking at something illegal he’s not going to go telling Scott what you choose to jack off to.”

Alan was severely regretting entering into this conversation. He knew they were all adults but he didn’t really want to be contemplating his brothers’ downtime viewing habits, the whole idea made him a little nauseous. Sure there had been a little self-exploration but the fantasies had been firmly within his head with his web based activities restricted to the gaming world. “So, no copying porn. Got it,” he squeaked. “Any other pearls of wisdom?”

“Relax, Alan,” he could tell his brother was getting seriously worked up over the whole affair, “you’re eighteen, no one is expecting you to be experienced at this stuff and there’s no rush either. I think Virgil was at least 20 before he started dating seriously.”

“Yeah, well that’s Virgil. I was asking you.”

“Uh, I’m probably not the greatest example to follow.” Alan shot him a curious look and Gordon sighed. “Swim squad wasn’t always the healthiest of places to be, there was a lot of peer pressure and trying to fit in. I did some things I’m not proud of and as first experiences went, it sucked. If Brandon’s a decent guy he’ll be happy to wait.” The memories of changing room fumbles, post-competition hedonism and squad initiations returned in a flood, some good, some bad. “Hang on, has he been trying to get you to do stuff you don’t want?”

Gordon’s eyes blazed and Alan was suddenly reminded that, while he may not be as smothering as Scott, Gordon was still a very protective older brother.

“Jeez, Gords no, no he hasn’t,” he placated. “Brandon’s been fine about it. I know his reputation in the media is a little...colourful, but he hasn’t been like that with me at all.”

“Good.” The menacing flare subsided. “Look, Al, there’s really no need to rush into things. I’m guessing Virg gave you the ground rules,” he waited until Alan nodded. “Well, listen to your body and listen to each other and it’ll be fine. And as for what it’s like, well, when it’s good it can be fantastic but that’s no reason to leap in before you’re ready and there might be some things you never want to try. There’s more to a good relationship than just bouncing about in the bedroom y’know. If Brandon’s one of the decent ones he’ll respect that and if he’s not, well, you deserve better. But it goes both ways too and we all know better than to believe everything we see in the media; just because Brandon’s more experienced than you doesn’t mean he’s going to be up for everything either.”

Alan nodded. Gordon spoke a lot of sense and while he was still a bit worried about making a fool of himself he felt a lot more confident than before. So what if he was a little naive about these things, he and Brandon were friends first and he certainly hadn’t felt pressured last night.

His mind wandered back to the previous night. Brandon’s tongue warm in his mouth, teasing, exploring, hands tangled in hair, their bodies pressed close. Then after dinner things had taken a gentler turn, both of them worn out from their long day at the Expo and the emotional rollercoaster they had been on. A dreamy half-smile played on his lips and his eyes glazed slightly.

“Uh, Earth to Alan?”

“Huh?”

“C’mon lover boy, save the daydreams for later. Best get you into that pool or Scott will be hunting us both down.”

Xoxoxox

By the time Brandon made it down to the communal areas of the villa Alan was already several laps into his mile. Gordon was sitting at a picnic table, stopwatch in hand, keeping track of the numbers. The great glass doors at the front of the kitchen had been opened wide, inviting him out into the sunshine, but he hovered on the threshold, reluctant to step out into the tropical sun and feeling very exposed in his borrowed shorts.

“Hey, Brandon,” Gordon called out when he spotted him, “ol’ slowcoach is going to be at least another fifteen minutes. Feel free to raid the fridge.”

Brandon retreated into the kitchen, rolling his eyes slightly at the “and grab me some apple juice while you’re there” that was shouted at his departing back but feeling grateful that Gordon didn’t seem to be treating him any differently to usual.

He was quite grateful the oldest two siblings were nowhere in sight although the sound of the piano drifting down the stairs from above suggested that at least Virgil was in the lounge. He hoped he stayed up there. He knew the brothers only had Alan’s best interests at heart but he hadn’t liked being in the spotlight; it was one thing to be the centre of attention on his vlog but quite another to be under the steely gaze of the commander of International Rescue and his equally intimidating second. He took his time pouring out two glasses of chilled juice and carried them out onto the patio, settling himself on the bench next to the aquanaut.

“How come he’s got to do this swim, I thought you were the one who did the water stuff?” Brandon asked as he watched Alan reach the far end of the pool, do a quick tumble turn then start cleaving through the water back towards them. Despite Gordon’s criticism the pace looked far from slow to him.

“We’ve all gotta be able to cover for each other and a fat lot of good we would be if we couldn’t swim well. I make ‘em all do a timed mile once a month to check they’re staying in shape.”

“Doesn't Scott set the training?”

“Some of it, but he trusts us to know our own areas best. Two laps left!” This last remark was shouted out to Alan who had just reached their end of the pool again.

Gordon picked up the stopwatch and made his way to the edge of the deck ready to record the moment Alan touched the wall for the final time. Brandon drained his juice and followed, he didn’t have a clue what constituted a good time but he was still keen to see how Alan had done. The pair stood looking out over the water as Alan tried to put on a burst of speed to the finish.

“How’d I do?” the voice that floated up from beneath them sounded faintly out of breath.

“47 seconds slower than last month but you’re still coming in quicker than Virgil.”

A snort. “Well that’s not hard, he’s not exactly streamlined. And don’t you dare tell him I said that!”

“Yeah, well, now you’re done - special delivery!”

The last two words, shouted out in his ear without warning, were accompanied by a firm shove to the back. Utterly unprepared for the two hands that forced him forwards, Brandon found himself falling, the six foot drop over in an instant as he slammed painfully into the water below, the impact knocking the breath out of him.

Coolness closed over his head as momentum carried him downwards, shutting off his access to life-giving air. Water filled his nose and mouth, the chlorine taste and tang harsh in his throat. The bottom of the pool was too far down for him to put his feet down, there was nothing to brace himself against; he was out of his depth and out of air. Panic set in and he tried to climb back towards the surface, clawing towards the light above him.

Alan watched with a grin as the figure sailed over his head. He and his brothers all knew it was a risk to stand near Gordon by the pool but it was a lesson Brandon was yet to learn. He wondered whether Brandon would laugh or curse over his sudden dunking. The figure hit the water with all the grace of a cinder block and Alan winced, knowing that such a bad landing was bound to sting.

The water churned as Brandon’s hands and head broke the surface but only for a moment before his rigidly upright body slid back down into the depths. Another bob up, another slide down; each time the ginger head barely broke the surface. It wasn’t often that Alan dealt with drowning, the water was more Gordon’s domain, but he knew the signs and his rescuer’s instinct and training kicked in.

“Gordon!” he cried out, hoping his brother was still on the deck above to lend a hand, before pushing powerfully off the pool wall towards his floundering boyfriend.

Gordon, who had already started heading back inside, stopped and turned at the shout. That wasn’t the sound of a brother in jest; instead the tone was pure mission and his body jolted on automatic response. The sight that greeted him had him running for the steps that led to the lower pool edge. Alan had already grabbed Brandon and was attempting to tow him to one side of the pool, a maneuver that was significantly hampered by the panicked thrashing of the figure that Gordon instantly re-categorised as a casualty in need of rescue.

Knowing he would be of more use on the poolside to help lift Brandon out Gordon could only watch as Alan tried to calm the flailing man. It didn’t seem to be working; Brandon was still exhibiting pure, terrified panic and was clawing at the arms that held him firmly. At last the pair reached the poolside and Gordon took hold of Brandon, hauling him up onto the deck.

The change from water to stone as he was bodily dragged over the hard lip of the pool stilled Brandon’s desperate movements, the transition breaking through the panic as something deep inside his fogged consciousness told him he was finally safe. He lay on his side on the warm flagstones, his body slightly curled in on itself, feeling the sun on his skin. His throat burned and his breathing was ragged. A wet cough and his body emptied itself of pool water and apple juice in an action that did the burning sensation no favours but did at least make the breathing earlier. Only then did he take in the set of knees in front of him, now resting in a puddle of his evacuated stomach contents, and the soothing hand rubbing circles on his upper arm. Alan.

Brandon was vaguely aware of the commotion going on around him, shouted commands, running footsteps. He didn't care. He had light and warmth and air.

The bare knees in front of him were exchanged for a pair clad in thick denim. Another cough and he added bile to the puddle that was already wicking its way up the material as the jeans did their best to absorb the mess. He probably ought to feel guilty, throwing up over two brothers.

"Brandon? You got any more left in there buddy?"

As if prompted by the question another retch spasmed through his body but nothing came up. Brandon flicked his eyes up to meet Virgil's warm brown ones that held nothing but concern and he shook his head weakly. He became vaguely aware of the bleeping of a med scanner that had appeared from somewhere.

"Scan's clear. Nothing reached his lungs and heart rate and respiration are returning to normal." This was directed at someone behind Brandon. "Up you get but take it slow now." A plaid clad arm was held out but Brandon ignored it, preferring to sit up under his own steam.

"Brandon?" Alan was back in front of him, placing a steadying hand on shoulders that trembled slightly.

It hurt Brandon to see the worry etched across Alan’s features, worry that was only there because of his own inadequacies. He dropped his head, unable to meet those clear blue eyes any longer. The shame burned worse than the chlorine.

“Alan, go take Brandon to get warmed up. He’s had a shock so no leaving him alone. He’ll need to take it easy. Shouldn’t have to worry about secondary drowning but you know the signs.”

Alan nodded, more than happy to comply with Virgil’s instruction. The calm tenderness with which it was delivered gave implicit permission to leave the maintenance tasks that were due his attention. His original plan had been to take Brandon up with him to Three’s cockpit while he replaced the air filters. Okay, his real original plan had been to hook Brandon up to a computer somewhere while he worked through his jobs list but that was before yesterday happened. Brandon, still dazed, was in no fit state to be in his rocket and Alan was grateful to Virgil for picking up on his need to stay close to the redhead who was shivering on the flagstones.

Alan led Brandon towards the villa, one arm protectively around the back of his waist. Virgil watched them go, lips quirking slightly at the closeness of the pair as they padded back inside. He knew he would need to square it with Scott about why Alan wasn’t doing his chores but he’d rather do that than try and separate the couple right now.

Once Alan and Brandon reached the kitchen and disappeared out of sight he turned to Gordon. The softness had gone to be replaced by the operative who demanded answers over the unexpected situation he had been called to, summoned with the demand for a med-scan.

“So, are you going to tell me what the hell just happened there?”

Xoxoxox

Scott eventually tracked the pair down in the den. Alan and Brandon were sharing a couch, Brandon’s head nestled on his brother’s chest, his feet up to the side on the seat. As he entered Scott felt twin sets of eyes turn towards him, the murmuring voices falling silent and he got the distinct feeling he had intruded on a private moment. Apprehension graced Brandon’s features but Alan’s face hardened in defiance and Scott didn’t miss how the arm around Brandon tensed, holding him firmly and protectively in place. A declaration.

It pained Scott to see their reactions, Alan was clearly preparing for battle, but he probably deserved it; he certainly hadn’t shown much enthusiasm for his brother’s change in relationship status. He didn’t want a battle.

He crossed the room and perched on the low table in front of the couch, hitting the controls on the projector and pausing the movie that the pair were no longer paying attention to.

“Brandon, Virgil and Gordon filled me in. Are you okay?" The concern in his voice was real and he felt the tension in the room drop a little in response.

A nod.

"Good, you gave Gordon a bit of a scare back there."

Alan snorted. "He's not the one who nearly drowned." The scared one had been Brandon and it was only his desire to stay close to his boyfriend that was stopping him from going and tearing a strip off Gordon. It had taken a lot of coaxing to tease out a hesitant confession from Brandon that he'd never learned to swim. The downcast eyes and mutterings about never having the opportunity left Alan with the distinct impression that there was a lot about his past that Brandon was leaving out.

Seeing the pair nestled so close, Scott wasn't too proud to admit that he owed them an apology. His attitude towards them had been frosty to say the least and he needed his brother to know he was fine with everything.

"Look, I'm sorry about last night, meeting with the Board always puts me in a bad mood. Then you guys, well, it caught me off guard. I took my frustrations out on the pair of you and I shouldn't have."

Whatever Alan had been expecting it wasn't this.

"You're not mad at me?"

"No, I'm not mad at you. If you and Brandon are happy together then I'm happy."

"Really?" There was still worry in Alan's voice and Scott realised just how much his earlier reaction had had an impact.

"Really. I honestly have no problem with it, you two are both adults and can make your own choices. I'm not going to get in your way if you have feelings for each other."

"Thanks." The arm around Brandon loosened slightly, the embrace becoming softer and more tender as the fear of a dressing down drifted away.

"I do have another rule though." Two sets of eyes widened with apprehension. "I'm guessing we are going to be seeing you here more often, Brandon, it's only natural that you two are going to want to spend time together. But we live on an island and we have a pool right outside the door, I'd feel a lot happier if I knew you were a confident swimmer. Gordon's agreed to teach you."

The fear radiating off Brandon was palpable and Scott couldn't really blame him, just a few hours ago that same aquanaut had thrown him into the pool and left him fearing for his life.

"Do I have to?"

Expecting resistance from Alan, Scott was surprised when his youngest brother piped up in support of the idea.

"S'okay, I'll be there too." He turned his head and placed a gentle kiss on the top of Brandon's head. "Scott's right though, it's an important skill. Gordon won't throw you in again, I promise. He's actually a really good teacher."

Brandon sat up, looking first at Scott who was calm but clearly viewed this as non-negotiable, then at Alan who gave him an encouraging smile. He really didn't want to, he'd successfully managed to keep away from the pool so far, water just filled him with dread and today had only compounded that feeling, but he could see it made sense. It probably helped that none of them were putting him down over his lack of swimming ability. The Bear couldn't be seen to be taking swimming lessons but perhaps Brandon, in the privacy of a secluded island, could. He could see it would mean a lot to Alan and even if he didn't want to do it for himself he was prepared to do it for him.

"Okay, I'll try."

"Great. I don't think we'll do anything today, for a start Gordon's currently sorting Three's air filters," Alan realised Gordon must have already been on the receiving end of a sharp reprimand if he was currently working through his chores, "but next visit we'll make a start. Anyway," Scott stood up, "I'll leave you to it. Alan, make sure you keep a close eye on your patient."

There was a definite smirk as Scott left the room but Alan didn't care, if there was teasing to come later on then he would deal with it. For now, barring any rescues that got called in, he had permission to stay with Brandon and was intending to make the most of it. Brandon didn't miss the hint either and by the time Scott turned to close the door the two figures on the couch were nestled back together, the movie left abandoned and ignored.

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds fanfiction #SpaceBear #SpaceBear ship fic #Alan Tracy #Brandon Berrenger #swimming #drowning

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pepsi-is-okay43110 · 3 years

Text

Hello Internet. Last night I was writing my friend an email because I was bored and I started writing her a short story. I have not edited it, or finished it, and I probably never will. I just decided I wanted it to live on the internet forever.

***

Eliza wasn't very confident.

It didn't need to be said. The classmates that remembered she existed had described her to me as painfully shy, quiet, boring. There was a precedent here. Eliza didn't talk in class. Eliza didn't raise her hand. Just like the cafeteria food was always worse on Tuesdays because that was Ms. Greenbee's day off, and just like the vending machine in the music hallway didn't work, Eliza was not confident. She was a background character.

Which is why I was so surprised, among the various other reasons, when she grabbed me by the shirt and dragged me behind the bleachers on my fourth day of school. I wasn't necessarily mad about this development--I had asked around about her enough to know she always sat at the back of the class, which sort of speaks for itself. Still, it's one thing to be on your way to developing a nice, safe, admiring-from-afar crush on your classmate, and a whole other thing to be up close and personal, her fist wrinkling the top you had bought last fall from Target.

"What are y-"

"Shut up."

My eyebrows climbed, seeking refuge under my bangs. She was mad--at me? No, she wasn't looking at me (which is a shame), she was glaring over my shoulder. Before I could turn around to eye up whatever was going on behind me, she pulled me further into the shade. Yeah, okay, every teen movie I had ever seen told me this was the ultimate make out spot. Did she know this? There was no way this was purely coincidental.

I cleared my throat. This was not the time to be a horny teenager. This was the time for answers.

"What's going on?" I whispered. And I only leaned in so she could hear me better, not because her shampoo kind of smelled like mint and watermelon.

Eliza wasn't very confident. It didn't need to be said.

So when she started making out with me, without warning, behind the school bleachers, I was, understandably, a bit shocked.

Not so shocked that I didn't run my fingers through her hair and step closer, but you know. What a mystery this was. A mystery I would... um... a mystery I would get to the bottom of. (Was she wearing perfume?)

"Eliza?" Ah. And the plot thickens.

I am blocking Eliza from whoever is walking past. I think the voice coming from behind me may belong to Brady, the football captain, but seeing as I only transferred in four days ago, I cannot be sure. I am also trying really hard to not think about how Eliza is still holding me by the shirt, because I am focusing. On this mystery. And not the fact that her hair is really soft.

I hear Probably-Brady stroll by. He stops four times. We are hidden in the shadows, and my hair is long and blonde, while Eliza's is short and red, so he passes us without incident. There is the incident, while he is almost directly behind me, when Eliza sort of bites my lip. So, assuming nothing happened in the minute or so following that incident, there was no incident. But I cannot say certainly, because I kind of forgot to pay attention.

I am a detective and I am figuring out this mystery. Best in the field. The newspaper should hire me.

Probably-Brady's footsteps faded into the distance. Eliza stops kissing me. I add another bullet point to my Things I Know About Eliza list, which had been and continued to be very short. She was very serious. She stared after where Probably-Brady had gone, and her forehead creased, because she frowns when she thinks seriously.

"Sorry about that," she said, squinting. She puts her hands on my shoulders while she rises to her tip toes, to see over my shoulder better.

"I... what."

Great. Fantastic. So eloquent. Look out Harvard, I'm coming through.

I want the turf to open up and swallow me on the spot. I wish I was in the middle of a terrible fire. Say something, say something!

"So... that was weird." Which is not better. She probably thinks I'm a total dork. Oh... but then she's looking at me. What was I... right. Mystery. Her eyes are very green but that was a Later Me problem. I am a serious detective and she should be impressed by me. Serious detectives ask serious detective questions.

"So... you gonna explain what just happened here, or...?"

A new bullet point. Eliza may be the kind of person who drags the new girl behind the bleachers to make out with for questionable reasons, but she is not a talker. She doesn't kiss and tell, and by that I mean she will kiss you, but not tell you why. In other words, she nodded at me, which answered none of my questions, and ran towards the school, in the opposite direction than Probably-Brady had gone.

And then the bell rang. I spent 8th period not thinking about the feeling of her eyelashes on my cheeks. I was very focused on calculus. No I don't know what the homework was.

***

Beverly was odd.

I didn't know much about her, but that had more to do with the fact that she hadn't even transferred in a week ago than with any lack of desire to.

Well, I did know she was a good kisser. Which I suppose was a rather backwards way to go about things. One would usually know things about a person before they get to the "is she good at snogging" phase in their relationship.

Anyway.

Brady was in my orchestra class, which was a shame, because I like orchestra. Missing it was a drag, but ever since I had found out he was totally, actually evil last month, sacrifices were had to be made.

There are lots of ways someone can be evil. Take, for example, Mr. Calbur, who sent girls home if they were wearing short skirts. Brady was not any ordinary flavor of evil, though. Seeing as how I'm kind of destined to save the world or whatever, I think I get a free pass to declare someone actually cosmically despicable. That was Brady.

Over summer break, Brady's parents had apparently decided to join the Wailers, and that was an ideological subscription fit for the whole family, it seemed, since last month in chemistry I saw the Wailer pendant on his bracelet.

Which was inconvenient.

So far, school had been a refuge from magical drama. But he knew I was the next Queen, and I knew he was a Wailer, so. I wasn't quite sure what to do about him.

It seems my subconscious had decided my master plan was to make out with pretty random girls behind the Away bleachers. Which had worked short term. But now that I was-

"Hey!"

Ah. Beverly.

Beverly was blonde, tall, and wanted to go to Harvard. I knew this, because she was also loud. And friends with everyone in our English class (but me) by now, somehow.

And sitting down next to me in the cafeteria. That was another fact about her. She was sitting down next to me in the cafeteria.

"...Hello." She smiled at me. I nodded at her.

It was Wednesday. That meant the pasta salad was mostly edible. (Ms. Greenbee could only do so much.) I chewed a very slow, deliberate bite of penne. Beverly did not get the hint, and continued to sit there, eating her salad.

"So..." she said. I decided to not make this easy for her.

"Uh. Yesterday. Was... um. Lovely weather yesterday huh?" she said. I had never seen someone become so quickly and visually horrified.

I amended my original stance. This was painful to watch.

"Sorry," I said. "For kissing you."

"...oh." She looked... she looked sad. Confused. She was probably just confused.

"It was... it's complicated. I needed to hide," I said, because something about her face was bugging me because I didn't want her to be sad because it was annoying.

"Hide from what?" she asked, and I did not want to explain it to her.

"There's a coffee stain on your shirt," I say, and I leave the table.

***

Eliza is mean.

I feel like the fact that I like it so much is concerning. But everything about her is unexpected. She's so much more than shy. She's not shy at all.

I've sat with her every day since that first time, and every day I ask her questions and she insults me and I want to kiss her a lot.

I have also noticed things about her. Because I am a detective. She has a tattoo on her neck that I think is a crown. It looks symbolic, like it stands for something or has a hidden meaning. She likes to wear cardigans. Her favorite rude comments to make (I assume they are her favorite because she makes them most often) are about my freckles. I have too many, apparently. She is vegetarian. Or, maybe she doesn't trust the cafeteria's meat. Which is understandable. She always finishes lunch early. She does, in fact, wear perfume.

I'm a detective. These are important observations. I do not know about her tattoo because I stare at the back of her head in the library and think about her hair. That never happened. I just make very important detective-y observations. I am very dedicated to this mystery.

I am also not very good at talking to her. Which is really hampering my investigation.

I have, hypothetically maybe technically speaking, asked her why she "looked like an elf." She stared at me for three minutes like I was dumber than anyone she had ever met before. I did, eventually, find time in my busy schedule to think about how green her eyes are. Unrelated, but the day after that we had English homework that I did not know about. Even though Mrs. Elesby mentioned it in class. And everyone else did it.

The admiring-from-afar crush that had been in the works, obviously, had become quite unmanageable, like overgrown vines or something. I did sit with her every day at lunch. It wasn't quite as "afar" as I had predicted it would be my first few days here.

She is in the library after school, and I am the library's aid now. Which totally isn't creepy, because I asked even before the bleacher incident, so it's like. Pure coincidence.

Another person who was in the library: Brady.

He was heading towards her. Seeing as how she had made out with a random girl to avoid talking to him last week, and as far as I knew (which wasn't very far, admittedly, but it was all I had to go on) nothing had changed since then.

Mr. Platneib didn't have anything for me to do, so I was almost 75% certain I was not going to get in trouble for talking to my friends. (Were we friends? Eliza had never said we were friends. But she also critiqued my essay in our peer review, and no one else's. Maybe that meant we were friends?)

"Hi," I said, standing in between Eliza and Brady. She slowly looked up from her book. Jane Austen. Nice.

"Hello," she said slowly, looking at me like I was speaking another language. I sat on the table so she could see Brady behind me.

"Hello," she said, more confidently this time.

"What are you reading?" I asked, and it was dumb but better than asking why she looked like an elf. Which, now that I think about it, was totally a super detective-y question. Maybe.

"Sense and Sensibility," she said, closing her book.

She was closing her book in favor of talking to me. That didn't happen. We were in uncharted territory. At lunch when she brought a book, she rarely spared a glance in my direction.

Cool, cool, cool. Okay. Don't be dumb.

"So like. Uh. Football."

Shit.

"Eliza?" I hear from behind me.

Double shit.

***

Beverly was not very good at being a buffer.

She was sitting on the table, very close to me. This is unrelated. I don't know why I noticed this. There was nothing to notice. Brady was talking to me now. There are important things to think about.

"Eliza?"

"Brady."

Five seconds of silence exactly. It's very unlikely that the pause was five seconds by chance. It's too specific a number. Which means he counted it out on purpose. For dramatic effect. Which is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. Which is probably why he joined the Wailers. Not a lot going up there.

"Purple looks good on you," he says. I am not wearing purple. Beverly looks confused. I am not.

"Red looks good on you," I respond. Beverly looks more confused. Brady does not. He grins, and he looks evil. Because he is.

"We're learning about the French Revolution in history, no?" he says, and I want to rip his head off.

"Real monarchy isn't even comparable to the Queen system," I say, perhaps not vague enough for public but. Well. I am the Queen. (Future Queen.) I think I can be a little abrupt.

He laughs, and I want to tear his head off.

"See you around, 'Liza." I do not respond. I can tell he counts to five before walking away. (So dumb.)

Beverly looks adorable concerned.

I want to go home. My cats never want to talk to me. My cats aren't confusing annoying. So I do. *** And then I was tired and I stopped writing. But I am very gay, and hypothetically creative, and maybe one day I will continue, if I ever figure out what would happen next. So

Here is is.

#wlw #original fiction #short story #original short story #wlw short story #unfinished short story #unfinished

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dlwritings · 4 years

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Never Have I Ever | Tom Holland

masterlist found here

pairing - Tom x reader word count - 2,193 warnings - implications of sex and mention of nudes A/N - for the two anons who requested | the Never Have I Ever bit is based on this classic One Direction interview

summary - You and Tom had been dating for a while, and a stupid iCloud hacker caused some intimate pictures to leak. When things get a little awkward at an interview, your cast mates had your back.

It’s in the moments when life is going really well that one should start to get suspicious. Especially when your life is so publicized, you should always be on your toes.

You should’ve known when things were going so well with Tom that they were bound to come crashing down eventually.

Your relationship had been going on privately for about six months. You met on the set of Spider-Man: Far From Home. You weren’t playing an important character or anything, just one of the background students going on the European trip. Something about you just caught Tom’s eye. The more time he spent with you, the more he realized he was falling for you.

However, your publicists were both very strict about your relationship needing to remain private. While nothing about the two of you being together was illegal, the world didn’t exactly need to see Hollywood heartthrob 23-year-old Tom Holland parading around with up-and-coming singer-slash-actress 18-year-old (Y/N) (Y/L/N). Everyone on your teams could already see the headlines, and they wouldn’t exactly do wonders for either of your images. Tom would be seen as a perverted cradle robber, and you would be seen as a ladder-climbing slut. It was pretty much a lose-lose situation.

So, you kept it on the downlow. Your friends, immediate family, and fellow castmates knew, but you never went public about it. This didn’t mean you couldn’t go on dates together, but PDA had to be minimal to non existent. This wasn’t a huge deal, because you weren’t one to make out with your boyfriend in public anyway. So, everything was going fine.

Again, that was when you should’ve realized everything was about to go to shit.

There were a few weeks when Tom was filming in Prague and you didn’t need to be there, so you were home in London. During those weeks, it was only natural for you and Tom to have some intimate conversations. You were both young, and going from almost daily sex to none at all wasn’t easy. You sent him a few pictures, he reciprocated, there were a few steamy phone calls and some text messages here and there, but that was it. It was all normal young adult behavior. The only thing was, neither of you were considered normal young adults.

You got the phone call in the dead of night. One phone call you might’ve missed, but the endless stream that was coming in was impossible to ignore. You saw the caller ID read Monica - manager, so you answered it, feeling panic settle in your chest immediately. Monica was a friend at this point -practically an older sister- but she would have no positive reason to call at 1:00 in the morning.

“Everything’s fine,” she said as soon as you picked up.

“Monica-”

“Someone hacked Tom’s iCloud,” she said.

“Okay,” you said slowly. “So?”

She cleared her throat awkwardly. “Apparently, the two of you have shared some, um, intimate phot-”

“OH MY GOD!” you screamed. “NO! No way! FUCK!”

“It’s okay,” she said, trying to calm you down. “It’s okay.”

“It’s very clearly not okay!” you shouted. “My naked photos are on the internet! You know who has access to the internet?”

“I mean-”

“Everyone!” you said. “And you know who is a part of everyone?”

“(Y/N)-”

“My mom!” I shouted. “My mom is going to see naked photos of me. She probably thinks I’m still a virgin! Oh my god. The whole world is going to think I’m a slut.”

“Okay, but you’re not a slut,” Monica said, her voice soothing.

“But-”

“It’s very important to me that you know that this does not make you a slut,” she said. There was that older sister vibe coming out. “Everyone shares nudes, alright? Someone else stealing and sharing those doesn’t make you a slut. Okay?”

You took a stabilizing breath. “Okay.”

“We took the picture down where it was originally posted,” she said. “I’m sure people have already saved it though, but you know what? It’s going to be fine. We’ll tackle the PR when it comes up. There’s nothing we can do about it now except handle it like adults and remind the world that you and Tom are both adults.”

Tom.

“Okay,” you said again. “Thanks for calling me.”

“Try and get some sleep,” she said. “I’ll call you in the morning.”

“Sleep,” you scoffed. “Right.”

As soon as you hung up with Monica, you called Tom. He picked up on the first ring. “(Y/N)-”

“Why’d you put it on the cloud?” you shouted, unable to stop yourself.

“Everything backs up automatically!” he said defensively. “This isn’t my fault!”

“Well it isn’t my fault!”

“I’m not saying it is!”

“Whose fault is it then?”

“The 40-something-year-old pervert who hacked into my account and leaked the photos!”

You couldn’t help but let out a short laugh. Tom did the same, and you ran a hand through your messy bedhead. “This is a disaster, Tom,” you mumbled.

“I know,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you said, waving a hand dismissively even though he couldn’t see it.

“You know, it’s going to be brought up next week during press,” Tom said. In your sleepy state, you had forgotten that next week, you were starting press for the film. You sighed into the receiver.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” you said.

The following week came, and neither you nor Tom had responded to any of the internet’s comments on the nudes. Your publicists both decided it would be best to address the situation only when it arose during an interview. That way, the words could come directly from your mouths without any chance of misinterpretation or poor wording from a tweet or Instagram post. It would also come across as more professional than if Tom blabbed about it during an Instagram live.

The first interview that happened was on Jimmy Kimmel Live. You had both done an interview with Jimmy before, and he was one of the nicest guys on late night TV. You hoped he would be kind about it all. Maybe, if you were lucky, he wouldn’t even bring it up. To make the night even better, you would be sharing the couch with Jake, Jacob, and Zendaya. You knew you’d be a little bit more at ease with them there.

Everything about the interview was going fine at first. Jimmy was asking you all questions about the film and what life behind the scenes was like with such a crazy cast. After the commercial break, Jimmy informed the audience that you would be playing a game. The game, of course, had already been approved by your PR team. That didn’t mean you had any idea what it was.

“We’ve asked Twitter to send in their best questions for never have I ever,” Jimmy said. “Now, I’ve not seen any of these questions, but they have been cleared by our team.” Jimmy handed the five of you paddles that read I HAVE on one side and NEVER on the other. “I will be playing too, because I think it’s only fair,” he said with his usual smile.

You could hear your heart beating in your ears, but you painted on your superstar smile to mask your nerves. Surely the questions wouldn’t be that bad if Jimmy’s team cleared them.

“From Paula comes, Never have I ever danced naked in the rain,” Jimmy said.

“In the rain?” Tom said.

“Naked?” Jacob clarified. Jimmy nodded with a laugh as he flipped it to the NEVER side. Everyone put NEVER except Jacob.

“Alright, Jacob?” Tom laughed.

“Listen, we’ve all had some wild nights, alright?” he said. “This is a judgement free couch.”

“Alright, next,” Jimmy said with a laugh, “comes from John: Never have I ever joined the mile high club.”

You and Tom looked at each other for a millisecond that you hoped wasn’t caught on camera. Even though it was a lie, you put NEVER. There were some things you just weren’t going to reveal about yourself, even if the whole world had already seen you naked. Jake put I HAVE, and swore he wouldn’t say who he joined with.

“From Alex: Never have I ever-” Jimmy cut himself off with an awkward laugh. You could tell he wasn’t too thrilled with the questions either. You wondered if someone would get fired after this. “Never have I ever been naked in public.” More questions went by like that: smoked a joint, slept with someone twice or half my age. All things that could stir up PR nightmares and just made you into a liar.

Jimmy started to read the next. “From Kayla: Never have I ever-” It was evident he was upset, and you wondered for a moment if he’d even read it aloud. “Never have I ever taken a nude photo.”

Laughter spread across the audience as you all played with the paddles in your hands. You couldn’t even get yourself to look at the camera, and Jimmy threw his paddle over his shoulder. “Whoever picked these questions,” he said with a slight laugh, “is in for a stern talking to tonight.”

“Honestly, what did they expect?” Jake asked. “You give us these paddles, and you really think we’re suddenly going to answer these questions? Like Yeah!” He waved his own paddle in the air. “I’ve done all the drugs! Cocaine, heroine! Marijuana is a pussy’s drug.” At this point, you couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or serious. Still, the audience laughed, and Jake threw his paddle behind him too. He looked at the camera and pointed at it. “We know what you sick perverts want,” he said, “but listen here. These kids-” He pointed at you, Tom, Zendaya, and Jacob. “-are media trained superstars, alright? You really think that Tom “Spider-Man” Holland is gonna stand up and say, This morning, I woke up, rolled a joint-” He was doing a terrible British accent while miming his actions and had everyone dying. “-and then took a dick pic before running through the streets of Los Angeles butt ass naked? You really think this guy is gonna say that? They’re not gonna say that!”

Zendaya took the paddle from Tom and took yours as well, then put them together so the I HAVE sides were touching and both sides of the paddle said NEVER. “They might as well say this, Jimmy,” she said, thrusting the paddles back into your hands. “Never, and never. Never. Never.”

“Yeah!” Jacob agreed. “You all are sick!” He folded his arms across his chest with a sarcastic huff, and everyone applauded him while laughing. You almost had tears in your eyes.

Within a few minutes, the show went to commercial break, and Jimmy apologized profusely to the five of you, mostly to you and Tom since everyone knew the questions were directed more at you. “I honestly had no idea what the questions were,” he said. “I have no idea why they were cleared.”

“It’s fine,” you said. “I think it’s safe to say though that you guys-” You looked at Jake, Zendaya, and Jacob. “-saved us.”

“We’ve always got your back,” Zendaya said, giving your arm a comforting squeeze. You smiled and laid your head on her shoulder while Jacob reached out and squeezed your hand. Jake was talking quietly to Tom, and you could see in both of their eyes that Jake was saying something meaningful. Tom was smiling appreciatively and nodding along.

By the time you and Tom got back to your hotel, the clip of you on Jimmy’s show was already trending. You showed Tom all the tweets, and the two of you shared a laugh. “Glad we can laugh about it now,” Tom said, getting under the covers of the bed beside you.

“Oh believe me, I’m still crying inside,” you said, “but the others made it a little easier.”

“And I didn’t?” Tom teased.

“You’re the one who got them leaked in the first place,” you said.

“You said-”

“I’m joking, div,” you said, hitting him with one of the pillows. Tom laughed and lightly smacked you back. You eventually curled back up to his side, and Tom put his arm around you.

“In all seriousness,” he said, “I’m really sorry this all happened.” You looked up at him to see him already looking down at you. “It’s not fair that this shit is already happening to you. I feel like, like I’m supposed to protect you, you know? And I just fucked that right up.”

“You don’t need to protect me,” you said. “That’s an extremely outdated gender role.” You placed a kiss to his neck, just below his jaw. “But I appreciate you looking out for me. We can’t control the rest of the world. Just ourselves. Just because I can’t trust the rest of the world to respect my privacy doesn’t mean I can’t trust you.”

You were both quiet for a long time, and just when you thought Tom had dozed off-

“You’ll still send me nudes when I’m away, right?”

“I hate you.”

----- ----- ----- -----

TAGLIST

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #marvel #request

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youcantfiremebecauseiquit · 3 years

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idk if u care but crispin gray recently had an interview about his entire career and it kind of changed my perspective of queenadreena…idk if for better or for worse lol. it was weird to see him so dismissive of a lot of his catalogue w katie except for ‘love your money’ just because that was the only remotely chart successful song. i get you want to be able to sustain yourself but jeez him and katie really had a weird back and forth relationship

Sorry i'm replying late, i've seen the interview pop up on Youtube but honestly i was too invested in university shit recently & generally not in the good mood for that but i'm planning to watch. How did it change your view on Queen Adreena, did he say something mean specifically on QA or Katie? I mean i gotta watch it but honestly? Not surprised in the slightest. A few years ago he was asked to describe fave songs he recorded throughout the years and he listed more of Daisy Chainsaw ones than anything else, with Love Your Money as number 1. The differences in their points of view are real something, Katie Jane absolutely HATED Love Your Money, same as Daisy Chainsaw. Kinda apparent he wanted bigger fame but DC dropped fast and QA failed to live up to their predictions.

i had a time when i liked to dig up old Queen Adreena interviews that are lost in the old internet & generally not available for years (which i planned to post on is-she-suffering but my investment in that site is... varied in its intensity). Also that was back in the days when i wrote Queen Adreena book during manic phase and tried to sell it but lost motivation Well since i don't do anything with that knowledge anyway i'll put what i know here as i love fan discussions

So they sure had/have odd back and forth love-hate relationship & that's the reason why their career went how it went. There's been a huge tension between them at some point. I'm sure you know she had a major mental breakdown (probably schizophrenic episode) after Daisy Chainsaw, or even beginning before her leaving, and then she went into isolation and lived with an old woman in Lake District for awhile. She left Daisy Chainsaw cause Crispin didn't want her to come up with her own songs (all of DC was by Crispin except for Lovely ugly brutal world by KJ).

They almost split up as Queen Adreena after Drink Me. The material for The Butcher and The Butterfly was written at different times, originally it was meant to be called Atom Bomb at Bikini but it was constantly delaying and they eventually recorded everything they've got live. So that's obvious right? But i was surprised to find out they were writing songs separately. Some of them (i forgot which though) were written by Katie Jane and Pete Howard's sons band (they're even credited) + some with Melanie Garside, Richard Adams + some other musician. Katie Jane didn't like it. They intended it to be their last album at the time. She also hated live at ICA show but they released it cause they were broke

But that's a digression. I just wanna say that at this point they were done with each other but kept pushing it. Katie had her own art projects and stuff, Crispin started Dogbones with Nomi and i just remember how vaguely pissed at Katie he waas in the interviews. Like he stressed that Dogbones is his number one priority and if Katie wants to do something with Queenadreena, she must wait til Dogbones have a break first or something, and it sounded oddly bitter.

RaCH and Djinn era are just so weird, they had opportunities but let them go in a way. I don't think many people know but they were huge demand in Japan. They entered album charts and were interviewed by 11 magazines and 6 (!)TV stations there (wtf happened to that material i want to know???). But they only played 5 times or less.

Katie said she considers the band dead but they decided they can try to play for a couple more months. But aside from that she 100% lost the interest in the band around Djinn. There's an interview where she says "the overall image is Crispin but the shape will change again at rehearsals". And you can hear it, it’s more blues rock than anything. IMO it's their worst production wise. Instruments are fine but Katie's voice is so badly produced that sometimes i find some songs fucking irritating, cause they didn’t cut out her breaths and the vocals are TOO LOUD, to the point of distorting. As if she stands too close to the mic. The album is fine but it feels unfinished.

And here we come back to Crispin... here's what he said after the QA split:

Why the Dogbones started? “I needed to work more than the previous band I was in was working, the previous band who shall remain nameless, haha… um… Queenadreena. I wanted to work more than the singer of Queenadreena wanted to work… so that’s why it started. Fine by me… but I really like to be in a band, I’m not a solo project kind of guy. The last album (‘Djin’) did come out in the UK, but it was so low key because Katie kind of disappeared so there was little point in promoting it. Personally it’s my favourite by far so it was a shame but there you go… So here are Dogbones, it’s not been an easy ride but we are trying very hard.

Ok so the bitterness is kinda apparent isn't it. I think there were two reasons why they argued so much, first musical differences. Katie at some point lost interest in loud rock music for some years and went the folk way in Ruby Throat. I have a theory that Taxidermy and Drink Me are more influenced by Katie Jane and Butcher and Djinn are more Crispin. During first albums i think Katie more actively took part in music composition and choosing arrangements. She wrote lyrics, melodies but also composed a lot of songs on some little electronic keyboard thing and 4 track (Heavenly Surrender, Pray for me, My Silent Undoing, all Lalleshwari +more). Plus she wanted more peaceful/dreamy sound on Taxidermy than full on rock, Crispin complained about it in some 00's interview, that he'd like it to be more rock. Then there are 2 versions of Drink Me, the original has rough and alt versions of songs (it was sold by Katie and it's leaked on FB and probably YT). Crispin Gray apparently really hated the final Drink Me. Now next album is The Butcher & The Butterfly and it's more standard blues rock, no more crazy dreamy things of previous albums etc., Djinn is even more blues rock but darker. Djinn was his favourite at some point while KJ hated Butcher, not sure about Djinn. So i think they had different views on where they should go, Katie made her weird simplistic creepy tunes (like Lalleshwari) and folk melodies adding that strange things to noise rock. Crispin probably wanted blues & rock.

Other than that, i’m convinced they are bitter exes, lol. There’s been rumours about them dating during Daisy Chainsaw for years, plus Katie had a history of dating band members. Crispin wrote X-ing off the days about her. I don’t know if they dated again in Queen Adreena. Then there’s this interview, timeline is unclear, either The butcher & the butterfly or later:

„Katie writes all the songs herself and often looks for melodies and structure with the drummer. With Crispin - her husband or ex-husband, which is not entirely clear to me - for almost three years she has no longer been in a room. "Sometimes we send him a letter with a new song and that's all we can do. All we have are our lungs and our musical talent and we have to do with it. It is repugnant difficult life, I know most of the time how I should deal with it." But Queenadreena will still remain even exist? "I think so, we are now pretty busy and I see where the ship aground.”

I always wondered what exactly happened after Djinn, i’ve seen Katie Jane say „i think they gave up on me” while others said she disappeared. Other times CG said there’s no bad blood between them but at the same time there’s been some weird tension. As of recent i thought they reconnected somehow through the internet and had a good relation but who really knows.s

I get why Crispin gets irritated when people compare everything he does to „stealing from KJ” but honestly, he gave them good reasons, at least in the 90’s. I can believe Starsha Lee singer isn’t copying Katie cause she’s from Brazil or something and she didn’t know Queen Adreena before. But everything else… Crispin’s problem is that he doesn’t know what he wants. He spent 90’s chasing something, tried singing himself, had girl singer replacements and even one KJ copy. Dogbones was ironically his most original non-Katie band, even with all their grunge influences. In a way he wants to be a frontman and at the same time doesn’t. Idk if he’s very controlling, but Daisy Chainsaw shows he valued his songs/lyrics first & in Queen Adreena he had to step back a lot, cause Katie’s condition was she would be in charge of the lyrics. I don’t think he realizes how strongly Daisy Chainsaw issues affected Katie, i mean from her own words you can read that aside from media attention/hate, her being unable to write lyrics had a role in her breakdown. I think she now let go but for years she hated remembering Daisy Chainsaw and she felt kind of worthless cause she was only somebody else’s mouthpiece. I’m not trying to say he’s cruel or anything, but i firmly believe rock lyrics writers should sing their own songs or else there are problems.

They both were writers-composers with different vision and i have impression they struggled a lot while shaping their songs, cause they both stuck to their ideas. Hence 2 versions of Princess Carwash maybe. Katie once said that he „gets terribly upset with her” cause she writes her songs on a simple wind organ and uses a few chord buttons only. Clash of writer ways/personalities/egos and at some point they had to let go.

Maybe he prefers music/bands where he was 100% in control including lyrics (note he wrote/sang some lyrics in Dogbones too). Daisy Chainsaw achieved bigger success US and UK wise as they were offered to play Top of The Pops, and they’re more well liked/remembered by „general alt public”. Queen Adreena however is way more valued as a cult band, with cult following and admiration in UK & France. Most people think Pretty Like Drugs and other QA songs are his best work and he probably finds it irritating cause truth is, he never managed to be more successful than Daisy Chainsaw/Queenadreena. Love Your Money is ironically the least Crispin Gray/DC/QA sounding song in my opinion. I kinda find it irritating that he downplays Queen Adreena cause it was probably his best work in this band but whatever

So yeah sorry for the word spill, that’s what i can think of it right now but as i said, i haven’t watched the interview yet, it’s just this kind of treatment is in a way consistent for him

#asks

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onthevirgeofdestruction · 3 years

Text

35 Q’s for Fanfic Writers

From this post

I’m having a shitty, rude alter-y, crap night so I’m just going to answer all of these to distract myself and focus and to not bother anybody just making my own post and putting it under the cut btw, notice to anyone not aware: since I’m moving I won’t likely be updating anything until I’m done doing so.

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!) 3/5? Could use more editing and description and can be weirdly paced.

2. Why do you write fanfiction? Because it’s better than focusing on pain 24/7.

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? I don’t seem to have a specific narrative voice that people recognize but I’m pretty proud of mostly organic dialogue.

4. Are there any writers that inspire you? as a rule i never look up to anybody for inspiration but there’s some stuff in my ao3 bookmarks I fawn over.

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of? Right now, none of them. It changes normally, anyway. If get too proud then I’d get my ass kicked by RSD if someone didn’t like it so it’s safer this way

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily? Dialogue.

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most? Organic description, poetic language kind of stuff. I can paint a scene but I’m not so great with bring out out a feeling with description alone.

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write? Janus and Virgil are probably tied. They both have things I struggle with but I don’t have to go back and do much adjusting of language and tone with them. Though admittedly my Virgil is signifigantly more foul-mouthed than canon and I tend to prefer pre-AA feral asshole Virgil.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write? Patton. I write him the least, so people can probably tell. I love Patton, I really do, but it’s so hard to keep away from fanon Patton.

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for? Angst w/ H/C obviously. Or if you’re talking about regular book genres, Fantasy. I fucking love fantasy world building.

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most? Trauma. I blame Daeram. As if Ayri isn’t a giant Angst Demon.

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about. Slopes. I’m really into it. I’ve got three one shots running right now. Patrons can read the first part of the unnamed cat remus one, there’s also a coffeeshop au tropey nonsense one like eglantine & lycoris, but Slopes is addiction angst. Mmmmm. Virgil is addicted to coke and alcohol and will listening to his friends even be in time? Who knows, especially not me, but there’s already over 30k.

13. First fandom you ever wrote for? InuYasha. Or was it Harry Potter? Or shit, The Blue Sword? Fuck, I’ve been writing for a long time, I really have no idea.

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for? Sanders Sides. The characters are the perfect dynamic for writing since they exist in balance of each other and the popular, easy to project on archetypes featured are incredibly fun to do basically any scenario with.

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for? Weird storywise? Kingdom Hearts? I can’t even follow the plot anymore. Weird Fandomwise? Sanders Sides. Its simultainiously the fluffiest and angstiest nonsense at the same time.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)? Vampires. Gay ones. Gay Vampires. I also love calm tol and angy smol.

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for. Any tropes that normalize incredibly toxic behaviour or tropes that are inherantly ableist, but I can’t think of any.

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written? Incorrigible continues to be complete nonsense.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between? AUs. I mean closest I even have is canon-divergence other than a single short.

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff? I like it when there is gay nonsense along with a plot that is treated as more important than the relationship the most. But I like both. There’s more shippy stuff in tss so i read more shipping action by default.

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!) Anxceit/Sleepxiety, but in general, give me darksides or give me death/j

22. Do you listen to anything while you write? Almost everything I write has a special playlist I listen to to help me write it, but otherwise I listen to my Nyan playlist, an alter is picking the tunes, or a voidfam playlist. I never have music off. When my internet is down I just listen to the songs I own or Anxiety’s theme on loop.

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas? I’m fine with all of them. I love working with prompts but I tend to deviate. And I’ve never done a challenge since I can’t do deadlines and bad things happen bingo never sent me a card and I applied three times.

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works? I am generally multi-chaptered stuff, but I’ve been working on a few one-shots lately that are much longer than most one shots.

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them! I was originally thinking of doing some little 13-year-old Dreaming!Roman (y’know, the one with a job) shorts but it turns out I just had an alter of that little bastard and that’s why I inexplicably know more about him then I ever even considered. I still might do them after Dreaming is done. But that’s paced so slowly who knows when that might happen. Otherwise I put stuff in my notes and just do shorts of it if I’m like “oh you know what’s cool???” but since I can’t daydream maybe this question doesn’t apply to me.

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try? I want to do more autism stuff, and I’ve had it demanded a few times, but I’m scared of being that explict about it for some reason. Possibly because I might be, possibly because I’m scared of doing it wrong even though I’ve accidentally coded multiple characters autistic. I’m scared of explictly tagging them as such, too.

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received? That I can remember off the top of my head? I’m going with one from @a-genz-with-trauma-and-kins. It really helped me out and was just so kind and literally the best christmas gift I got in 2020.

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing? I can handle it alright but Daeram is a little fucking pissbaby about it. Constructive criticism helps people get better, so I appreciate it. I can’t handle critism that is incomplete, though. “i just don’t get it” or “I don’t know I don’t like it” kind of things. If I can’t understand the why to fix it then things get out of control. And then I spiral and RSD for like four days minimum. If it came from an anon or a troll, too, It might not bother me for as long. Things that are just like “this is shit and you should feel bad” just make me laugh. Couldn’t even bother to read it long enough to insult me proper? I don’t care.

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out? I have a few times. Mostly in shorts and prompts, I think. I think they turned out okay. They’re not particularly inspired or anything.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst? Depends on my mood. Am I triggered? give me the fluff. Am I vibin? Angst.

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them! Fuck, fam, no, I can’t, I have so many. I have multiple original stories and some of them have very large casts and like holy fuck. Or do you mean in Sanders Sides fandom? Um, Morgan and Thorn in PD. The lesbian and her himbo dynamic. I love them. They’re dorks. Morgan is strong person with sharp tongue and soft romantic heart and Thorn is just so kind and so dumb and so exciteable he’s like a puppy. They were just filler characters and I got attached to them. Felton even gets redemption for being an ass later in PD, like oof i never intended to include so much OC content, especially for names I just picked randomly.

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less. nope I’m doing all of them because these are fun plea for my new self: 2 gay vampires, 4 humans, 1 braincell dreaming while I wake: trauma child needs therapy and so do you break: big oof, oh dragons, oh why, go virgil go rebuild: virgil is so not okay there’s more virgil to deal painful death: gay teens drink themselves into a new religion stargazing: whoops we didn’t realize people actually cared whole castle: everyone will throw down for kid!patton, even you incorrigible: found family with a shot of psychological horror and crack dangerous instincts: wholesome crime syndacite action slopes: addict gets mugged and thinks that’s just fine with him conflagration: logan avoids everything ever like a champ cat!remus: bored fae shifts gay pining from one person to another caffeine cyptids: caffinated gay panic goes faster than regular gay panic eglantine & lycoris: more tropes than you can toss a shoe at storytime: overpowered virgil also overreacts literally always

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process? an alter and I write together and I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen, what I’m writing about, or even what year it is. I often don’t even remember what I wrote. There’s no outline. I have an idea and I pick things at random for it. There’s just notes and an evil gleam in a demon’s eye. The only reason I know more than readers is because I take a long time to edit and some of these stories have fucking alters up in my head who can tell me things. Daeram tells me nothing. The writing demon supposedly has all this knowledge but I have absolutely no clue because he does not talk to me, he just fronts and slams out 9k in a few hours or we cofront to write and I’m like “oh no she didn’t” while typing

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of. i’m fond of the entire painful death series and I tried to find something I really liked without spoilers in stargazing and I couldn’t so here’s a random thing from incorrigble: “So, what do you do with your friends?” Patton continued on with a megawatt smile. “Grand larceny,” Virgil deadpanned and glared at Patton, who was taken aback. Remy and Andy just broke out laughing while Virgil tentatively sipped his still-too-hot-cocoa.

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want! slopes my dudes slopes i have learned so much about cocaine! like wow! I thought for a minute it was going to end with MCD around 30k but it swtiched from whump to hurt/comfort and I still don’t know if it’s going to be MCD but look at that funky little coke/alcohol addict go, it’s a medical wonder he’s alive! It’s not like there’s what seems to be a little talked about interaction between alcohol and cocaine that causes a toxic chemical to build up in the liver which can result in liver failure and sudden death at basically any moment! Which is part of why it may result in MCD but this time no ghosts! maybe it’ll be h/c with whump elements or maybe it’ll be whump with h/c elements we can’t know for sure

#ayri writes #tw drug mention

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anxietycalling · 3 years

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how i spent my summer vacation

Or, where the fuck have I been these literal years? (I can’t believe it’s been years.)

I feel like I need to, at some point, talk about everything that happened between now and the point where I dropped off the face of the earth. And, like, actually talk, not that thing I do where I make a joke out of everything. So... I’m doing this up front, so if anyone actually still follows my shitshow of a life, you know what you’re getting yourself into before it’s too late.

Okay. Where to start.

Um, obviously, after the 2016 election I gtfo’d the US. Because I couldn’t legally work in the US at that point, I had pretty much no savings and no money because every dollar I did get went to supporting me and Dash because of the absolute nightmare that happened there. I’m not... mad at her anymore, not quite - I recognize that a lot of actions on both sides were the result of severe, untreated trauma and mental illness, so it’s hard to look at either of us and say that someone was the villain there. It’s hard to recognize when you’re in survival mode that your actions are self-destructive. But, anyway, because of that, I had no choice other than to move in with my parents. Which many of you are aware is not the healthiest choice for me mentally or physically.

And, again, it’s not that my parents are bad people. They’re good people who are trying their best, but there are two factors that lead to me living with them being a terrible idea. 1) My mother has a lot of unprocessed intergenerational trauma due to mental illness that she is still dealing with, and 2) Neither of my parents have ever lived in an urban center, which lends itself to a specific mindset when it comes to dealing with mental illness and LGBTQ+ issues. Which is to say, it’s hard to have a regular dating or sex life when everyone knows your business while your parents are simultaneously trying to pretend you don’t have genitals that they’re uncomfortable with. Also, I didn’t have my license at the time because I let it expire before getting my permanent one, so I was pretty much at the mercy of whoever could drive me places. (I lived in cities before that, so not driving was never much of an issue. I am highly proficient in public transit.)

So living with my parents was this precarious balancing act of trying to do everything they wanted me to do, because they were letting me live there for free, and meeting the demands of my bosses (who immediately demoted me once they found out I wasn’t planning on living there forever), and trying to have a social life outside of my family. And, like, I had just come out of the closet, so I was also trying to date without my parents finding out, because, like? It gets exhausting trying to explain why you have a right to exist and love who you want to love and I tend to get defensive when I feel like I have to justify myself. But all that secrecy really wears on you. I think in the worst of it I was probably sleeping 3-5 hours a night between the anxiety, having to walk or wait for rides everywhere, and staying up late enough after my parents went to sleep to try to meet guys on dating apps.

Dating apps when you live in a rural area are the worst. Not only is there a limited dating pool to begin with, it sucks when someone ghosts you and then re-signs up for the same dating app using a fake name and you catch them at it. I get it to some extent; people are afraid of being outed, even if on paper we’re one of the premier retirement destination for gay couples near Toronto. (Read: affluent, white, cis gay men.) It’s gotten better in the last couple of years, but... Yeah, there just was nothing for me there.

Obviously I had to widen my perimeter for who I was willing to date, and that’s how I met Husband. Completely by accident. My phone provider was out one day, so I didn’t get any messages from anyone for almost 24 hours while I was figuring that out. His message to me was one of the ones that got pushed through when my phone service restored itself. (I still, to this day, don’t know why or how this happened.) And there was nothing there that was inherently like, “Hey, you’re going to date and then marry this guy,” other than the fact that he actually put effort into his message instead of sending “hey” over and over again to get a response. But he was funny, and he was charming, and we fell for each other really quickly. Pretty soon all my money (which, again, limited, because the awful ladies I worked for decided I wasn’t leadership material even though they gave me no training or direction, ever) was going to taking the train here pretty much every time I had a day off from work. And I was lying to my parents about it, because they decidedly do not like or approve of dating apps or internet friendships in general.

Something happens in relationships where one or both of you are chronically ill. There comes a sink-or-swim moment in the relationship where you either step up and deal with the shit that happens, or you realize you can’t handle the intensity or uncertainty of it, and you gtfo. And... obviously, I chose the first option. Pretty much immediately after my first visit (as in, I was still on the train) Husband calls me, because his doctors are afraid that he has cancer. I go home, work exactly one day and turn the fuck around and go back so we can meet with the hematologist and find out whether he has bone cancer, Jesus fuck. Thankfully, it turned out that he didn’t; it’s something that comes up a lot because he doesn’t have a spleen and that, apparently, makes it look like you’re dying a whole lot. We ended up moving in together a month later because living at my parents was making me suicidal, which isn’t the greatest love story of all time, I know, but I had wanted to move out anyway and living with him was a much better option than random roommates.

I didn’t talk to my mother for... a month and a half, after I moved out. She kept trying to contact my friends on Facebook one day and I was ready to freak out on her for being controlling or something. Turns out, my biological father died. At the time, I was calm. Like, I wasn’t surprised - he had nearly died of alcohol-induced cardiac failure before I moved to the US, and it’s not like he had done anything to make his situation better - but it turns out I was actually in shock, I guess. The whole situation was fucking terrible; not because he died but because it kind of cemented that my only value to his side of the family was being “the only granddaughter” and not that they gave a shit about me as a person. They misgendered me in his obituary; they spelled my brother’s girlfriend’s name wrong.

I think the worst part is that they tried to make his celebration of life thing about how great he was as a person, though. And, like, I’m sorry, but great people don’t molest their children, or their children’s girlfriend. They don’t have sex in front of their children with their children’s physical abuser. They don’t make their teenage child in charge of being the sober adult when they want to go drinking. They don’t let their partner physically abuse their child when that child tries to get them both help for their drinking. They don’t trap their kid on a boat for a week with a creepy adult male stranger and freak the fuck out when that child has their first anaphylactic reaction to a novel food 20 kilometers from land or the nearest hospital. They don’t call that child on their birthday every year to remind them what a woman they are and always will be when they were the first fucking parent I came out to.

Actually, no - the worst part of him dying was that I had to deal with his hellbeast girlfriend afterward, because apparently there was money for me in an RESP that he had never cashed, but all that got me was a shady financial representative who repeatedly wanted my mother and me to break the law over it. Like, my mom got her lawyer involved and everything, and once the legal letterhead came out the financial dude dropped off the face of the earth, stopped answering my calls and I never got my thousand pity dollars.

And, like, things were okay for a little while after that because Husband and I were close with our roommates up until the point where it became clear that one of them had severe, untreated borderline personality disorder. I’ve lived with someone with BPD before; I’ve lived with a hoarder before. I was not prepared for the level of hoarding that this woman could produce. Or just, like, generally weird and shitty behavior and refusal to seek treatment for her condition. We tried everything we could think of, but ultimately we had to have secret meetings outside our house with our other roommate (who was dating her at the time) to figure out what to do with her. The things we found out... I’ve never wanted to genuinely harm a person before. Because she had been r*ping our roommate for months, and convincing them we didn’t want to be their friend, and using all their money because she wouldn’t go to work or apply for welfare or do the bare minimum required to be a human being. We had to get her removed by the police (who I do not advise contacting unless there is genuinely no other options) and the police acted like it was a typical roommate squabble even though we had fucking proof. So, anyway, we had to contact hell roommate’s parents and sister, and do all the packing to get her shit out of our house.

I will add that there were a few golden months right after hell roommate moved out. We got very close with remaining roommate, and it was nice, but then they started dating their current boyfriend and it just got... uncomfy for everyone somehow? They never outright said they were dating him, it was weird, one day they were like “Hey, I have a friend coming over!” and then he was just... there all the time? And they never told us they were dating? And, like, I’m happy for them, they’re great together and genuinely like each other, but it was weird. It was uncomfortable when we had to have the “We want to move out” conversation, too, because originally we had wanted to move to a bigger place with all of us, but ultimately we ended up keeping the apartment.

So that should have been fine, right? Especially since they moved in with one of Husband’s friends. Except that that friend turned out to be secretly awful and took advantage of everyone around them, and accused good roommate of being secretly racist and a bunch of other stuff that wasn’t true. (Trust me, good roommate would rather sever their left leg than do something that would hurt someone’s feelings.) And, like, I’m sorry, but you can’t use your master’s degree in social work to push around people who you know freeze during confrontations and have memory issues due to trauma, and then turn around and lead healing from trauma workshops. No. You’re a garbage human being who deserves to step on a thousand Lego. (Legos? Anyway.)

OH. Right. Before that, I had surgery. I had surgery and then pretty much the day we got home from that, the pandemic happened. At the beginning of it, good roommate and a woman who would later become one of our best friends came to stay with us because, again, horrific garbage pile of a human being in their house. Recovering from surgery took forever - I still don’t have feeling back 100% in my chest - but thankfully I was better enough by the time they moved to be somewhat helpful there. (They were incredibly smart and hired movers. We were pretty much there because we had just bought a car and could move breakable stuff.)

Ugh. God. Sorry, I have to jump back to 2018 for a second, which is when I was diagnosed with OCD. Like, officially, I mean. It was probably pretty obvious to everyone who wasn’t me, but I always kind of thought that since I wasn’t on My Mom-level germophobic, there was no way I could have it. Uh! Turns out! Normal people don’t cry when a garbage bag that is clearly about to be taken outside touches the floor while they are putting their shoes on to take said garbage bag outside. So... I take pills now. And go to therapy. Which is very expensive. But, yeah, my symptoms were pretty fuckin’ bad then. And continued to be bad - like, bad enough that I had to quit my job in 2019 because my bosses weren’t taking it seriously enough or even listening to me. (It’s Mcdonald’s, it’s chill, they ruin or fire all their best employees.)

Okay. Back to now. Pandemic! School! Suffering through all my pre-requisites so I can take actual interesting classes! Somewhere in there we started watching Twitch streams - I think it was because Husband found out Felicia Day streamed, and he loves her, and it kind of spiraled from there? But anyway, I somehow ended up part of this weird, delightful community that’s genuinely nice and non-trollish, and now I stream sometimes. Or attempt to stream. Or attempt to keep a regular schedule. It’s nice, though, to feel like there’s someone to hang out with when you pretty much can’t leave your house. There’s a sense of normality to being in a place at a specific time and seeing specific people. And Twitch has given me a lot of ideas on research topics I’d like to pursue in grad school.

Like I said, it’s been a pretty mixed bag. There have been some really bad parts, but there’s a lot of good stuff that happened too. I just. I miss Old Me a lot, lately. I miss who I was before all the trauma. (I mean, obviously not all the trauma, because I don’t miss being a literal child, but like... 18-23 or so.)

I think this might be the most I’ve written outside of a school context in actual years. Part of me keeps thinking about adding in APA formatting, but uh. You can’t really cite something when it’s just memories inside your own head. Anyway. I need to work on liking myself more, and working through some of the baggage that goes with trauma, and... I don’t know. It’s nice to have an outlet that’s not my husband or my cats. (Again, Husband is awesome, Husband is amazing, but we’re around each other 24/7 right now. I think he deserves a break sometimes.)

So... Yep. Thanks, if you made it this far. I promise not all my posts are going to be like this. I just figured, if you were going to stick around, you probably deserved to know what happened while I was gone.

#personal

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lloydskywalkers · 4 years

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So on the incredibly rare occasion that I do write romance, I have the ability to write one (1) single romance and that is all, and that’s Dumb Fools in Love. Which hopefully fits here, because it’s Glass Girl’s namesake day, so i gotta at least try for @speedythecat, it’s what she desERVES.

(happy valentines this is disgusting fluff anyways i love u speedy)

Lloyd likes the way construction paper sounds. It’s kind of therapeutic, the sound it makes as he drags the scissors through the middle. It’s even more satisfying when he uses them to start stabbing gaping holes through the paper, because he went and ruined the stupid heart shape again, and now he’s running out of pink and red construction paper that doesn’t look like he took a vicious katana to it and went crazy.

“Stupid scissors—”

He doesn’t know if Rain even likes pink or red that much, Lloyd reminds himself dismally, as he untangles his fingers from the scissors. Just that they’re thematically appropriate to the essence of the holiday, or whatever, and they apparently must’ve been the only two colors that existed when whoever came up with Valentine’s Day was around. He hasn’t even found actual purple in any of the little cards he’s seen, just some floral lavender.

Lloyd glances down to the pile of pink and red paper strewn across the table in front of him, then back to the instructions he’s printed out for himself. Then back to the paper.

Maybe he can just like, die instead.

Lloyd is about ninety percent sure that he can’t be the only person to ever look up “how to make Valentine’s Day cards” on the internet before, but it still feels like a crushing blow to his pride and an overall dumb move in general as he does.

But he’s only slightly desperate right now, and he really doesn’t want to reach fully desperate, so he’s willing to suck up his pride if it means not totally ruining his girlfriend’s hopes and dreams by giving her a sub-par and ultimately disappointing Valentine’s Day card that looks like he doesn’t even understand the holiday in the first place.

To be fair, though, he kinda doesn’t.

Like, Lloyd knows what Valentine’s Day is, obviously. He’s not an idiot. He’s just…never really participated in it…as a person. It seems like all the others have cute little stories of getting paper cut-outs and candy hearts in grade school (which he can get behind, if there’s candy), but Lloyd’s experience in grade school was general scorn toward anything love-related at all. Valentine’s Day was well out of the question. Lloyd didn’t even know it existed until he walked straight into a street stand that looked like red and pink had thrown up all over it, before being drowned in like, twenty-dozen bouquets of roses.

He’d been an awful brat of a child then, so at the time, he’d dealt with it by kicking the stand over and being totally grossed out. Now, however, he’s left wondering if those bouquets are worth the money, or if he should invest in the slightly bigger ones they sell over on the east side stands.

How the tables have turned, Lloyd sighs miserably to himself, struggling to peel another stubborn strip of glitter glue from his hand where it’s dried there, sparkling mockingly at him. Finally digging the glue free, Lloyd brushes his hands off and glances down at his paper.

Go for handmade.

Well, that one’s easy, ‘cause there’s no way Lloyd’s physically bringing himself to walk into a store and buy Rain some cheesy card with a bunch of generic hearts on it. This, of course, leaves the problem that Lloyd now has to come up with the card, and the only thing that’s coming to mind are generic, cheesy hearts.

Hmm. Lloyd taps the edge of the table, humming beneath his breath. He can draw pretty well, but he’s not like, an artist. Not like Cole is, or anything. Lloyd is a lot better at cartoon characters and funny little caricatures of the others than he is, say, detailed roses or something.

Rain likes cats, right? he muses. He could draw a cat, and then maybe have it holding a heart, or something. That’d be kinda cute, maybe. And then he’d get to make some awful pun like “you’re paw-sitively purr-fect”—

Lloyd slams his head down on the table. Nope. This is why he’s not allowed to come up with the idea himself. He’s worse than all the awful grocery store cards put together.

Something in his nose tickles, and he sneezes, sending up sparkly dust all around him. Lloyd blinks, then bites back a moan. Belatedly, he realizes he’s just dunked his head in glitter dust.

It could’ve been the glue, he tries to comfort himself.

Figuring he’s already doomed, Lloyd makes peace with the fact that he’s just going to live the rest of his day resembling a blond disco ball, and lifts his head to return to task, squinting at what’s next on the list.

Make it personal.

Again, that one should be easy too, because it’s Rain. But what’s supposed to count as personal? Is it like, I-love-you personal, or here’s-a-reference-to-inside-joke-number-fifty-eight kind of personal? Should he do both? He and Rain have too many inside jokes, though, it’ll take him half the day to pick one, and he’s already running out of time. Rain’s supposed to be back at noon, and Lloyd does not have that kind of time to kill.

He drums his fingers against the table-top, staring at the outlined drawing of Rain his fingers have absently started sketching out, right next to his doodles of little cats and a mini-Overlord raging terror on the glitter glue scattered across the paper.

Lloyd frowns at the last one. Oops. Well, he can’t give her this now.

“Is that supposed to be the Overlord? You can’t give Rain that for Valentine’s Day.”

Lloyd jumps half a foot out of his chair and slams his knee into the table just so that his entire leg goes dead, his shriek of surprise strangling off as he chokes on the erupting cloud of glitter dust.

By the time he winds down coughing, wiping the reflexive tears from his eyes and glaring, Kai is just staring at him, mildly concerned and whole lot unimpressed.

“A little warning, please.”

“I’ve been standing here for five minutes, bud, it’s not my fault you’re in dreamland.” Kai glances down at the table-top of scattered construction paper and glitter dust, and his mouth trembles, like he’s holding back laughter. “Are you…trying to make a card, or mass-murdering our construction paper supply?”

Lloyd feels his cheeks go scarlet, and he sputters. “I’m not — no, I’m just—” He waves his hands in the air, wishing he could disappear. “Valentine’s Day,” he finally says, haplessly. “Rain. Card.”

“Ah,” Kai says, nodding. He eyes the butchered pile of paper. “It’s going…good, then?”

Lloyd buries his face in his hands, groaning. “I keep ruining it. I’ve never done Valentine’s Day before, Kai, this is a disaster. Rain’s gonna hate it.”

“Aw, don’t say that,” Kai says, sliding into the chair next to him, patting him on the shoulder. “Rain’ll be fine with…whatever…you end up making. It’s not that big a deal.” He laughs, rolling his eyes. “I mean, it’s not like she’s going to get horribly upset because you butchered her favorite holiday and dump you for some chump with better taste.”

Lloyd freezes dead, his eyes widening. He has not yet considered this option. What if he does ruin Rain’s entire holiday with his awful gift? What if, by completely disrespecting her last name’s namesake — thing — she does get horribly upset and runs off with like, Ariya to the desert or something, and—

Kai blinks, then his eyes go wide. “Lloyd, wait — no, it was a joke, Lloyd, don’t get that look on your face — Nya!”

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

And that’s how Lloyd ends up cornered by his entire team at the kitchen table, covered in glitter dust and currently living out his worst life as they try to decide the best way for him not to totally sabotage his love life in one go.

“Honestly, I never really got Valentine’s Day,” Kai remarks. “I didn’t get the whole grade school experience as much, since we homeschooled for the most part. It’s just a lot of hearts and chocolate and flowers and stuff, right?”

“Um, it’s a lot more than that,” Jay rolls his eyes. “It was classroom warfare. Your like, entire life status was measured by how many Valentines you’d get. It was totally lame,” he scowls.

“I dunno, I always got a whole lot,” Cole muses. “I could never figure out why, though. I wasn’t super popular, or anything...”

They all stare at Cole for a beat, where he stands haloed beneath the kitchen lights in all his wavy-haired glory.

“Hopeless,” Jay sighs.

“This isn’t grade school, though,” Nya says. “This is Lloyd’s actual relationship, which we are helping him with, so let’s hear actual helpful stuff, please.”

“Again,” Kai shrugs. “Flowers. Chocolate. Hearts. Bam, you’re good.”

“For crying out loud,” Jay groans. “How do magazines keep labeling you the smooth one.”

“Hold on, he’s got a point with the chocolate part,” Cole points out.

“Of course, you would choose that part to focus on,” Zane sighs.

“Guys, enough,” Nya cuts over them. “I said helpful stuff, not the most generic ideas ever. I mean, chocolate’s nice, but Lloyd’ll probably eat it all before it gets to Rain anyways—”

“I would not!” Lloyd protests.

“—and the card’s gonna be the focal point, so hearts are covered.” Nya glances down the pile of butchered construction paper in front of Lloyd, and winces. “We’ll, uh, help you with that part. But first, let’s plan.” She tugs a half-torn piece of construction paper toward her, uncapping a marker. “What all does Rain like, for starters?”

“Well,” Lloyd pauses, thinking. “She does like flowers, and — no, no I am not going to ask Lief for help, no way, not a chance.”

“Just a suggestion!” Jay throws his hands up in defense. “He’s her friend, though, so he’d probably have some ideas, y’know?”

“So. Not. Worth it.”

“Okay, okay, geez.”

Nya rolls her eyes, but scribbles ‘flowers — not from Lief’ on the paper anyways. “Good, but that’s still pretty standard stuff. Anything else a little more creative? Something that really says Rain to you.”

“She likes rocks,” Lloyd nods.

The marker squeaks violently on the paper, and Nya makes a dying sound in the back of her throat. Kai breaks into snickering, and Jay whacks him on the shoulder, giggling.

“There you go, bud, perfect Valentine’s gift. Give her a rock.”

“No,” Nya says firmly, glaring at Jay. She then turns the glare on Lloyd, who immediately shrinks lower in his seat. “Rocks, Lloyd, really — okay. Okay, do you know anything else she likes? That’s not rocks?”

“Uh, she likes…glass?” Lloyd says, weakly. “And um, seashells. And tea, and — she really does like rocks, I’m serious! Like, cool ones—“

“You are not giving Rain a rock for Valentine’s Day!”

“A cool rock!”

“That doesn’t make it any more acceptable!”

“Ughhh.” Lloyd slides down in his chair with a dying moan, throwing his arms over his face. “You ruin everything. She likes those little paper cranes, I guess. And, uh…”

“You,” Zane reminds him. “She likes you. Therefore, she will most likely love anything you give her, since it’s from you.”

Normally, Lloyd would just scoff at that, but Zane’s voice is so sincere it actually helps, a little. Lloyd sits up in his seat a bit, his crossed arms loosening. “Well…”

“Yeah! So why don’t you just draw her a cat that says like, ‘you’re purr-fect’, or something?” Jay suggests. “That sounds like you.”

Lloyd slams his head against the table, once again accidentally dunking himself in glitter dust. He can’t bring himself to care this time, because the whole world apparently just knows him for terrible puns.

“Stop being so melodramatic, you’re going to remind her of her brother,” Nya clips. Lloyd chokes on his tongue, and dissolves into a fit of manic sputtering as Kai claps him on the back, encouraging him to breathe.

“—was just a joke, Lloyd, don’t take her seriously.”

“—time and place, Nya, time and place—!”

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

It takes several disastrous attempts and more than a few marker wars — Kai in particular is sporting some spectacular pink sharpie marks along the side of his face, and Lloyd’s got streaking red marks across his forearms as the price for protecting his own face — but Lloyd end up with one brightly-colored, cursive-lettered Valentine’s card for Rain.

He’s feeling pretty confident in it, actually. It says everything he wants it to say, while looking pretty but dignified, and it’s only got one cat on it, so he’s — he’s pretty sure Rain will like it. A lot more than any of his other disastrous attempts, he assures himself. Now all he’s gotta do is grab the flowers Nya made him promise to get, and according to both Wikihow and his family, he’ll have the perfect Valentine. Armed with that knowledge, Lloyd strides confidently for the kitchen table to grab an envelope.

Only to freeze dead when he comes face-to-face with Rain, who’s bent over studying said disastrous attempts from earlier, that he’s left out in full view on the kitchen table like a complete moron.

Rain’s currently got one of his first attempts in her hands, her finger tracing the little design he’d drawn. Her hair’s down right now, all silvery and smooth and falling over her face, so he can’t see her expression.

Lloyd is highly considering running for the hills by like, hurling himself out the kitchen window, when Rain turns around, the end her nose still red from the outside cold, freckles standing out more than usual on her cheeks. Lloyd freezes in place.

She holds up one of the ruined cards. “Are all these...for me?”

Lloyd’s soul makes the executively wise decision to exit his body right then.

“They’re — I — no, they’re for, uh—”

Lloyd’s mind backfires. Shoot, he can’t say they’re for someone else, they’ve got ‘I love you’ and other sappy stuff all over them, what’s he supposed to do—

“They’re, uh, for my grandmother.”

Rain raises an eyebrow. “Your grandmother…named Rain,” she says slowly, reading the name that’s brightly plastered everywhere.

“Her name’s Rain too,” Lloyd tries, weakly.

Rain raises her other eyebrow. She wordlessly holds up one of the cards, pointing to where “Rain Allira Valentine” is highlighted. Lloyd mentally makes a note to murder Kai later as her finger slides down to the “Mr. Rain Valentine” right below, her lips trembling as she tries to hold back a snicker.

“Um.” At least she’s laughing, Lloyd tells himself. She hasn't run off to the desert yet. “I have a better one for you, I swear. Those are just — really, really bad first attempts, which you were never supposed to see, ever.”

Please forget they ever existed, is on the tip of his tongue, but Rain’s expressions softens, her eyes fond as she looks from the cards to him.

“I don’t know, these are…kinda sweet,” she admits, her cheeks going a bit pink.

“Oh,” Lloyd says, his own face heating. “That’s! That’s good, I guess. I mean, this new one’s — it’s a whole lot better, though, and uh…” He frantically rubs the back of his head, trying to get his brain back online and working properly again. Unfortunately, the action sends a tiny shower of sparkles raining from his hand, and Lloyd remembers in horror that he never got that glitter dust out.

Rain smirks, biting back a laugh. “Hold on,” she says, stepping in close. “You’ve got some — here.”

She pushes a hand through his hair, her fingers gently tangling through the thick blond strands before pulling away, leaving her fingers stained in glitter dust. She gives a tiny snicker, then brushes at his hair with her other hand, neatly sweeping a shower of glitter dust from it before carefully tousling his hair back in place.

“There,” she says. “Now you don’t look as much like a disco ball.”

“Maybe I wanted to look like a disco ball,” Lloyd says, petulantly. “Lloyd Disco Ball Garmadon, that’s me.”

“Then I’d have to make you another Valentine’s card,” Rain says, and Lloyd finally spots the envelope she’s been keeping behind her back. “Because I definitely messed up your middle name, if that’s the case.”

Lloyd blinks rapidly. “Wait, you got me one?”

Rain freezes, looking unsure. “Um…yes? That’s kind of…the point, right? You give Valentine’s to people you lo—like—um, love.”

Lloyd’s definitely red now. “I-I probably wouldn’t know,” he finally stammers. “Darkley’s wasn’t too big on Valentine’s.”

Lloyd immediately wants to hit himself, because Rain’s here being sweet and talking about love, and he’s bringing up Darkley’s like a motor-mouthed moron. And now Rain looks sad, and is it too late for Lloyd to pitch himself out the window—?

“Well, lucky for you, I know all about it,” Rain suddenly says, firmly. “You’ll just have to spend the day with me, so I can give you the run-down.”

“That I can do,” Lloyd grins brightly in relief.

“It’s a date, then,” Rain beams, before her smile hitches in laughter. “And you, um, you have more glitter. On your cheek.”

Lloyd wipes quickly at his face. “Oh, come on — did I get it?”

“No, now you’re just — okay, stop, I’ll get it, hold on.”

Rain steps nearer again, brushing her thumb across his cheek once, then again. “There,” she nods satisfied. She doesn’t move back, though, standing close enough that Lloyd can count her freckles, and see every shade of teal in her eyes. There’s a hint of a smile left on her face, and Lloyd swallows. This would probably be like, the perfect time to—

“For FSM’s sake, kiss her, you moron, she’s totally set you up for it—”

Kai’s voice cuts off in a strangled choking sound as Nya throttles him while both Rain and Lloyd go scarlet, and Lloyd makes another mental note to murder Kai a second time later.

“Wanna go out?” Lloyd suggests hastily, his face flaming. “The candy’s probably not gonna be on sale yet, but I bet we can get someone to cut us a deal.”

“Yes,” Rain nods fervently. “Let’s — out. Go out. Of here, sounds good.”

“Great,” Lloyd says, then snatches both their jackets from the hook before fleeing, Rain trailing behind him as they sprint past the others, stifling laughter as Lloyd desperately avoids making eye contact with anyone. Rain’s muffling giggles too, though, and Lloyd can’t help breathing out a laugh as he flings open the doors tumbling out into the chilly February weather.

“So, I have a question,” he says, as their footsteps fall into pace down the street. “What do you think of like, rocks as a present?”

“Hm, I don’t know. Is it like, a cool rock?”

“I mean, hypothetically? Yeah, a super cool rock.”

“Well, if it’s super cool. Then that’d be a good one, I guess.”

“I knew it—!”

#ninjago #lloyd garmadon #rain #oc #this is the Worst of Sap #the rest of the team is here being...sort of...helpful too #anyways stan rain

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ari-shipping-stuff · 4 years

Text

Monochrome Week 2020

Day Seven - [Fake Dating] AU

@monochromeweek

———

you people seem to be enjoying this au lmao

so i extended the storyline a bit for y'all. hope you enjoy

———

Weiss was in Blake's dreams. She wanted to panic. But how could she, honestly? She couldn't possibly feel distressed when the mere thought of Weiss made her feel so relaxed.

Blake picked a fuzzy dandelion from her front yard. It was dark already. Actually, rather early in the morning. But she couldn't sleep.

She didn't want to be faced with Weiss rejecting her. She didn't want to panic. She'd been on cloud 9 since that night at the restaurant. Even more so when they finally stood up to Henry. Weiss had been so much more carefree around her.

She could almost pretend they were dating for real.

Blake embraced her legs to her chest, pursing her lips. She stared forward at the white picket fence, contemplating the past few weeks. The last few perfect weeks.

Her phone buzzed next to her. Blake picked it up with her free hand, stretching her legs out on the dewy grass.

She clicked through the phone, checking the inbox.

The dark jabs of red in the contact's picture made her pause. Her finger hovered over the message as she read through the little preview.

I'm getting desperate, B...

Blake stared at it blankly, feeling her Cloud 9 evaporate. Replacing it, a dark, familiar feeling. She wanted to throw her phone across the yard. Hear it shatter. Feel the fact of him being unable to contact her anymore. An irrational fear mixed in with anger.

She clicked the message.

As she read through it, that feeling grew on her like toxic vines. Creeping around her chest. Squeezing tightly.

Blake turned off her phone, leaving him on seen. The vines seemed to pull back, but lingered near. Laying her phone back down beside her, she pulled her legs back to her chest, staring at the picket fence.

As she sighed, her dandelion blew away, little spring snowflakes flying into the night.

Blake just wished this would stop.

•

Saturday night. Weiss never imagined being in another rampant dance club so soon. But it was Yang's birthday, so she had to relent.

And Blake would be there. Of course, Weiss was coming.

But even if Weiss wasn't so infatuated with the mere thought of Blake, she still had to come. If not for Yang, then for her and Blake's apparent relationship (which she was enjoying very much, to her surprise).

The news had been absolutely buzzing for weeks. Internet or in person, there would be people eyeing them together. Or even just Weiss when she passed through the hall, a smug expression painted on her face like, 'Hah. I got her first.'

With the amount of attention they were getting, Weiss was somewhat surprised they hadn't heard from Adam yet. Especially with Blake's belief of him keeping tabs on her.

But regarding Blake, Weiss sensed something was off.

She looked distracted. Tired, even. She'd already downed two cosmopolitans within the hour and was already ordering another. Weiss couldn't possibly think of any other reason for her to be pushing her alcohol tolerance this much. Blake barely even took alcohol.

Weiss bit her lip, hesitating. Then she placed a soft hands on Blake's wrist.

"Uh.. Blake?"

Blake turned to Weiss attentively, and suddenly, Weiss felt absolutely ridiculous. Blake was perfectly sober anyway. Of course, she was. She clearly knew how much she was drinking. What was there to worry about?

Weiss shook her head, raising her own drink to her lips.

"Nothing," she said. "Just checking if you were still sober."

Blake snorted, licking her lips. Weiss could see the faint red stains on them, clear as day. She gulped down more of her Blue Lagoon.

"Actually, Weiss.." Blake winced. "There's been.. Something I wanted to talk to you about."

The pink on Blake's cheeks must've been coming from the neon lights from the ceiling.

"Oh?"

"Yep." Blake replied. But just as she began to speak, something caught Weiss's eye in the distance. She craned her neck, trying to see.

".. You know, it's been on my mind.. A-A while, and.. I wanted to..—" Blake looked up at Weiss nervously. Her face fell as she realized her attention was somewhere else. Though she had to admit, it was a bit annoying that this thing could steal her attention so easily.

"Um.. Weiss?"

Blake turned, searching the club for whatever (or god forbid, whoever) Weiss was supposed to be looking at.

"Weiss? I can't see it."

Her only reply was the background music raging through the speakers.

"Weis—?"

"Did you know that he would be here?"

Blake frowned, squinting at the crowd. But there was nothing to see. Everyone was on the move, shifting positions, dancing. No one could be identified.

"Who are you talking about?"

But she was looking in the wrong place. Weiss held the sides of Blake's face, steering it in the right direction.

Weiss's gaze wasn't in the crowd, after all. Rather, beyond it. In a darker, remote corner, Blake's very own nightmare stood there, unnoticed by her as his red was bathed neon green in the light.

And he appeared to be looking for something.

"Fuck," Blake muttered, earning a questioning look from Weiss. She began to stammer incoherently, stumbling off her chair.

"Blake, what are you—"

Blake grabbed Weiss's wrists, eyes wide with panic.

"We need to get out of here." she hissed, turning slightly so her back was turned towards him.

Weiss's eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Blake, it'll be fine." she whispered, breaking a hand free from her grip. She tucked a strand of hair behind Blake's ear, lightly stroking the dark hair pulled up in her bun. "I'm here. We don't have to pursue him."

"He's already looking for me." Blake mumbled.

"And he'll find us." Weiss reassured, holding Blake's hands in her own. "He'll find us together, being the most amazing couple to ever exist and he'll have to back off since we're in public. Has he ever made a scene in public before?"

Blake shook her head like a sad child.

"Good." Weiss smiled. "He definitely won't now."

She let go of one hand, but held on tight to the other, leading Blake through the dance floor.

"Wh-Where— What're you doing?"

Weiss smiled at her. "Let's just go dance."

•

Blake was still wary of Adam. She couldn't see him anymore now that she was in the crowd. Heck, she didn't even know where she was.

He could've come into the crowd. What if he was going to find her? What if he was behind her right now?

Blake looked behind her, before sighing in relief.

Okay, nevermind.

She needed to relax. She was with Weiss. Ruby and Yang weren't far, of course. Since Weiss made them promise to stay near (Blake could almost gush about the fact that Weiss felt the need to clarify, 'It's for Blake').

What if he always knew you were there?

Blake wanted to stop panicking. Maybe it was the alcohol making her emotions rage. She wasn't used to more than a glass, usually.

He's waiting for you to let down your guard.

Blake stumbled, almost crash-landing on Weiss.

"Blake, are you alright?" Weiss asked. She held Blake by the shoulders, sliding a hand to her cheek. Blake held that hand gently, nuzzling into her touch.

"Still bothered?"

Blake nodded, looking away.

Weiss sighed, raising her other hand to Blake's face.

"I'm here. It'll be alright." she smiled. "I'll always be here."

Blake raised her eyebrows at the way Weiss phrased it. It was probably nothing. They were close again. Far more affectionate, but with their line of work, that was to be expected. It was probably nothing.

But Blake felt something. An electricity. Not a giddy excitement like she had with Adam and her other past crushes.

It was more of a connection. An intimacy. Just like that night at the restaurant. Where the heavens danced in Weiss's eyes. And everything was nothing except the two of them. A whole lightning bolt striking.

All Blake could hear was her own heartbeat, thumping violently in her ears.

Weiss's lips read her name.

And suddenly Blake's lips were on hers.

And nothing else mattered.

She could taste the bittersweet citrus from Weiss's cocktail and the pure ecstasy when Weiss started to kiss back. The petrichor and vanilla never hit Blake as strongly as it did then. And her eyes only half-lidded, yet was blinded.

It was the strongest feeling in the universe. So strong, it would linger on Blake's tongue for who knows how long. She was so blinded by it, she couldn't gain her bearings when she realized she was being pulled away.

———

don't kill me 👉👉

please.

— ari

———

part one | part two | part three | part four

#monochromeweek2020 #day seven #blake belladonna #weiss schnee #rwby #shipping #fake dating au #high school au #au #monochrome #checkmate

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365daysofsasuhina · 4 years

Text

[ @sasuhinabigflash2020 || Day Seventeen: Craving ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

[ Previous ] [ Next ]

Lying on her bedroom floor, Hinata stares up at the ceiling, occasionally giving an owlish blink. The little glow-in-the-dark stars and planets she stuck up there when she went through her space phase are still there, their oddly pale yellow-green dim and listless in the daylight hours of morning. About how she’s feeling right now, as a matter of fact.

It’s quiet today. Like it is every day. And has been everyday for...gosh, how long has it been, now? She’s lost count.

Lost count of the days since everyone disappeared.

Not just her father and her sister, either. Everyone. One day Hinata simply woke up...and found she was the absolute last person on earth. Or at least...she’s yet to encounter a single other person. And it’s been months, at the very least. The phone never rings. No cars drive by. Turning on the television shows the same programs as per usual, but they’re all reruns. And the news stations are just endless cycles of advertisements.

Online is much the same. Nothing updates. But nothing completely stops, either. Somehow she still has power, internet, phone connection...it’s odd.

She goes to the store a few blocks away. Everything is still there. And nothing is going bad. The produce still looks the same as the first day she went.

At first...it was extremely hard to wrap her brain around, as one would likely expect. Theories clogged her brain for days. Was she actually in a coma, dreaming all of this? Was she dead, stuck in some weird limbo? Had she simply...lost her mind?

And then the thoughts of absolute loneliness. Never seeing her family again. True, she didn’t have the best relationships with either of them, but...to have any chance at that changing ripped away made her realize how much she’d truly wasted a very final opportunity.

In the end, however...there was simply acceptance. Deciding to, at least until she reached some unspoken limit, to just...try living. See how far she could get.

And so far, it’s been...okay. While she can’t explain (and maybe doesn’t want to explain) the seeming lack of passing time beyond a day and night cycle (how else could nothing be rotting?), other things change. The weather still varies. It just rained yesterday, and it’s a balmy seventy-two degrees today according to her phone, and sunny. And thought it’s not been quite long enough to confirm seasons, Summer does seem to be conceding to Fall.

Which makes her wonder how that’s going to go. There’s been no shut-off in the power, but what if something happens? She’d never know how to fix it! Maybe just...find someplace where the power was still on. Or steal a generator. Eventually though she’ll run out of gas, right…?

Many of the rules of this new (?) world escape her.

But for now, those life-changing questions aren’t what’s on her mind.

...she has a craving.

For a few moments longer, she maintains her position on her floor. But then enough will musters up, and she sits upright with a grunt before hauling herself to her feet. Putting on some shoes, she then leaves the house and heads down the road.

The door she leaves unlocked. How’s she going to get robbed, being the last person left? And that way, no ever worrying about locking herself out, either.

...it happened once last year when Hanabi was out of town with a friend and her father on a business trip. Most embarrassing reason to talk to her neighbor ever.

Plugging in earbuds to her phone, she keeps one ear open, just in case. Otherwise, her favorite pop songs play in the background of her walk, humming absently. A few times she’s mustered up the courage to sing out loud, given no one is around to hear. But even being completely alone...she’s still shy.

Twenty minutes sees her at the supermarket. Not bothering to take a cart, she instead tries to remember what aisle she needs, wandering down the front and reading the signs above each. What category does it fall under, again…?

Lost in her musing, she actually squeals out loud in surprise at a sudden crashing sound.

W...what…?

Frozen in place and barely daring to breathe, only her eyes flicker in search of...something. Anything. It sounded like it came from the back of the store...maybe some animals got in? Those, at least, she’s seen plenty of. Squirrels in her backyard, cats sunning themselves on porches. She tries not to think of all the abandoned pets with no one coming home for them anymore.

But in the subsequent silence, she doesn’t hear the scurrying of surprised feet like she would expect of anything inhuman. Instead...an impressive string of oaths and swears reaches her ears.

...no, it...it can’t be…

Throat suddenly dry, Hinata weighs her odds. On one hand...it could be someone friendly! Maybe she’s not as alone as she feared! But...on the other...they might see her as a threat, and kill her. Or do...other horrible things to her.

Loneliness can leave one wanting, after all. Or just drive a person to a sick, brain-rotted edge.

Eventually, she overcomes the absolute tension in her legs and shuffles forward a few inches, doing her best to remain absolutely quiet. There’s now just vague rustling sounds as...whoever it is rummages through...whatever they’re doing. Part of her still wants to run screaming, but her curiosity about another person existing in this unreal reality is just a bit more convincing.

She peers down each aisle as gingerly as possible, finding each empty as she gets closer and closer to the noises. And with every step, the nerves in her gut wind tighter and tighter in apprehension. Could this be any more suspenseful?!

Finally, reaching the last aisle, she lets one eye look past a display of chips before withdrawing with a hint of a gasp.

They’re there! Whoever they are!

Calming her racing heart just enough, she then glances back around. An entire display of boxes - of what she can’t tell from here - has been completely obliterated, creating a huge spill of cardboard across the back corner of the store. And right in the middle of it is a person.

Clearly scavenging for certain types of...whatever those are, they stuff the occasional box into an oversized duffle bag slung over their shoulder. Seems someone else is making a supply run. Looking at another box, they weigh the option before tossing it nonchalantly.

...for some reason, that makes her frown.

Once the bag is full, however, the person in question starts heading back her way.

Panic.

Withdrawing and not knowing where to go, Hinata dances in place for a long moment before ducking behind a “pixelated” display of cases of soda depicting the local football team logo. From there, she watches as the stranger walks right past her.

He looks to be about her age. Messy dark hair, fair complexion, typical clothes of boys she’s seen at her highschool. But she doesn’t recognize him...not that she’d know everyone anyway, her school and city are pretty big. Or maybe he’s from out of town, passing through and gathering more supplies.

The possibilities are endless, and she’s only getting more curious.

Once he reaches the doors, he slings the bag to the floor and...picks up another one? Where’d he get all these things, anyway? Then back he comes, clearly on a second round as he ducks into another aisle.

Realizing she’s safe, Hinata makes to follow, creeping up to the same aisle.

Only to scream when he comes back out.

Seems he took a wrong turn.

To his credit, he doesn’t shout back. Rather, he stumbles back with a wheeze, going ghostly pale as Hinata manages to trip over her own feet and fall on her backside.

“P-please! Don’t kill me!” she cries, arms lifting to shield her face.

“W...what?”

Hearing his own panic, Hinata risks a glance. He just...stares at her in obvious confusion.

“...I...I thought, um…” Well now she’s embarrassed. Heat floods her face. “...it’s just been so...so long since I…?”

“Christ lady, you scared the shit out of me,” he then cuts in with a heavy sigh.

“S-sorry!”

“The hell were you doing?”

“Well, I...I came to get -?” Oh hell, that’s not important. “...I heard a noise, and...saw you. I haven’t seen another person in...in months. I wasn’t sure what to expect, I guess.”

“...you too, huh?”

She blinks.

“Everyone else just up and disappeared on you?”

“Y...yeah. I thought -?”

“You were the last person on earth?”

“...mhm.”

“Me too. But it seems there’s at least two of us. Which makes me wonder if there’s any more.”

“I honestly thought this was all some strange dream...maybe I just h-hit my head and fell into a coma.”

“Yeah, same here. But then I started getting hungry and no one but me was gonna feed me.” He gestures to his bag. “Hence a supply run.”

“Yeah, I...I know how those go.” After a pause, Hinata sheepishly gets back to her feet, posture withdrawn. “...I’m Hinata, by the way.”

“Sasuke. I’d say nice to meet you, but uh...kinda biased given your the first face I’ve seen in months.”

At that, she can’t help a giggle. “True. Still...I’m g-glad to know I’m not alone. Where do you live, if...you don’t mind me asking?”

“Like eight blocks west of here.”

“I’m three to the north.”

“Makes you wonder how we haven’t crossed paths until now, huh?”

“Yeah...weird.”

They fall into an awkward silence.

“...W-well, I...I better let you get back to…” Hinata gestures to his bag.

“Hey, you wanna share numbers?”

At that, she jolts. “... I -?”

“Just in case we want to talk or something. Not like we have anyone else to chat with, right? And we might need help at some point.”

“Oh...g-good point. Um…” Fiddling with her pockets, she pulls out her phone and trades her digits. “Sasuke, right?”

“Yeah. And Hinata?”

“Mhm.”

“Cool.” He tucks his mobile back into his sweatshirt. “Guess I’ll, er...talk to you later.”

“Guess so. Um...b-bye.” Giving a very awkward little wave, Hinata steps past him and just..scurries for the door, heart once again pounding in her chest as she hurries back up the road.

If...if this Sasuke guy is still here...who else could still be around? Suddenly everything she’s assumed for the past few months is thrown into doubt. A few blocks apart, and it took them this long to cross paths. How many more could there be…?

Or is it just them?

So shook up is she, Hinata doesn’t realize - until she’s back in her house, leaning wearily against her front door - that she didn’t actually get what she went out for.

...well...maybe next time.

She’s had enough excitement for one day.

I have...no idea what this is kjdfdjhg just a cliche “last two people on Earth” idea that hit me completely out of nowhere xD The actual prompt has very little to do with it beyond never being revealed because...reasons. (I dunno what she wanted, she wouldn’t tell me lol) Anywho, I guess not...much else to say? Random piece is random, but hopefully still enjoyable! I need to start doing these at better times but I always write better at night...and today was busier than I expected. Take all my excuses :’D But on that note, I’ll see you guys later - thanks for reading!

#sasuhinabigflash2020 #shbf2020 #sasuhina #uchiha sasuke #hyūga hinata #best years of your life [ au ]

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