#does anyone truly knows us

[soulinkpoetry]

One who lives to take care of others and one who I keep for myself .

.

.

.

#two different people #does anyone truly knows us #all of me #soulinkpoetry #poetry #thoughts #she writes #feelings #poets on tumblr #poets community #writers and poets #poets corner

[blakbonnet]

so I'm seeing a lot of vitriol rn but mostly I'm also seeing a lot of followers and friends being unable to cope with the death threats and the anon hate so I'd just like to remind you that it's okay to turn off anons. Do it! It's quiet and peaceful on the other side and sure you lose those happy anons too but it's worth it, trust me. Another thing is if reading about other people getting hate or seeing people answer/reply to hateful shit stirrers is affecting you, unfollow! It's okay if it's a long time mutual, they'll understand. If you're friends, you'll still be friends. Or if the idea of unfollowing makes you sad, just put them in the filtered content list. It's inbuilt into tumblr (under the general settings tab) and you just take their url and copy paste it in there, and all their posts would be filtered until you're feeling open to seeing their stuff again. there is no shame in doing this honestly, it doesn't make you a shitty friend or a mutual or a blog, and I'd recommend this to big and small blogs who are finding it hard to not feel anxious anytime they visit their dash

#if you're like me and spend maybe an hour online #you deserve to have a dash that you want to see #you're not use to anyone if you're shaking like a leaf at the prospect of opening tumblr #I've been on this site for over a decade and this is the first time I've had anons off #and while it does piss me off truly #i know what I can and can't take #so yeah #meow speaks #hope this helps someone #I myself have unfollowed blocked more than ever this week #but I've also had to put a lot of mutuals into the filtered tab list because I just can't take reading some of the hateful stuff they get #and I know so many friends who have done the same

[lovinnelily]

Y'all do know you can't make Jason be NOT white without changing his whole character, right?

For other characters, yes, because their physical appearance are not that influential in their story, on how they are viewed by people, on their personality formation — you can have a black/asian/indigenous/arab/brown/latino/etc Nico and yes, the hate he gets will have a undertone of racism but at the same time nothing significant on his story, motivation or personality will need to change. This is also true for other characters: Clarisse risks repeating the "aggressive WoC" stereotype but the character itself doesn't change.

This isn't true for Jason, whose main character trait is how he is perceived by others and how he showcases himself to others based on that perception. (specially with how little effort Riordan put on him besides making him perfect-er Percy who's somehow also weaker and less important than him).

Let's not pretend a black, Arab, indigenous, Asian, Latin man, etc, in the USA would ever be treated with the universal reverence Jason gets from New Roma, you can't have the illusion of perfection and most of all, of invincibility they have about him when you see him suffering racism or xenophobia in the middle of a mission. Nothing in his life has ever gone wrong, that's his image, destined to be king, he is supposed to have no weakness on his peers eyes.

He is not trying to prove people wrong, he is trying to prove them right; he isn't worthy despite their prejudice, on the contrary, he only tried to make himself worthy to fulfill their expectations. He can't be a woman or an immigrant or have a visible disability or any other thing that strays him from a perfect ideal by western society standards, and be that same character.

#Different from the other white character in the series he was never questioned or doubted #There's a presumption of perfection with no exceptions that society doesn't give to us (women poc immigrants visible minorities in general) #His privilege (handsome white man with no visible disability son of Zeus etc) also prevented anyone from worrying for his well being #This illusion/expectation of him having no weakness/being untouchable pushes himself too far and clouds his judgment. #I headcanon he didn't even consider the possibility of myopia because that wouldn't fit Jason Grace Son of Jupiter so it wasn't an option #And you think it'd be the same character after facing racism? Because ain't no way he'd be praetor without going through racism #I think I'd love him nonetheless since I'm very weak to the whole golden boy tearing himself to save the world but it'd be a new character #jason grace #I know racism in USA is different from here but I know how different a “non-racist” white person treats me and treats my white friends #Also for him to not be an entirely different character if PoC would be incredibly disrespectful and racist on its own #It would fail to recognize the difference in how we are read (and written). I hate that a lot. #I remember that when Cody told Brandi “I see no color” she told him “then you don't see me” and that's so fucking striking #We ARE different. treated differently. if you act like you don't see it then you also turn a blind eye to the violence that comes from it #This is straying from my point I got a bit heated banalization of things I care about usually does that to me #Point is please don't change Jason on the very few things that man actually bothered writing about him #I actually think this is true about Octavian too. A lot of what he is allowed to do would not be possible if he weren't a white man. #Same for Rachel Elizabeth Dare. I mean you can work around making her poc but it will truly be pushing A LOT #Let's put it this way: a woc doing a street performance is perceived very differently from a white woman doing a street performance. #Specially in the eyes of cops #Pjo

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

#and i might do it again bc its just #a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc #which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow #it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag #people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just #so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what #like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao #and it never ever used to #but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly #or whatever the make believe rules are idk #this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus #bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community #and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit #bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were #i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year #but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad #once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care #ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control #i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile #and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be #a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion #so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao #why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things???? #i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just #ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand #so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time #but yeah anyways idk ! #be nice its so easy ! #tbd

[taeyungie]

😺

#i haven't addressed yoongi's situation yet because i'm honestly still not hit by it i guess. like it didnt gwt to me yet #i dont think ill ever love anyone the same as i love him you know what i mean #he has been the first reason of my self development. like he literally raised me??? i learned from him how to be the person i am today #and its like im saying goodbye to a family member. the thing is i have never griefed anyone's absence like this #its like a part of my soul will be missing until he comes back #but at the same time i know what he would want for me. to move on and to become my own reason #he would want me to be kind to myself. to focus on myself and not miss him that much. #he would want that for all of us right #but i have a very hard time processing things. do you guys remeber the festa last year? when we found out theyll be going on hiatus #the reality of it snd the fact that it will be happening hit me onky after around 3 months. #thats when i first cried because i realized what it meant. ofc i knew but it didnt occur to the emotional part of my brain at that time #and i feel like im truly gonna fall apart when THIS hits me in 3 months lol #my life has never been worse and thats honestly the time when i need the reassurance the most #when i need the people i love and find comfort in the most. #but its just me and thats technically just my problem. but since i am talking about my view on this then thats okay i guess hahah anyway #i just hope he knows there are milions of ppl who love him as much as i do. and thats like extra love like forever & beyond type of shit #i honestly dont think other people ever truly fully understand how we feel towards them. especially when you really love somebody #because they have their own opinions about themselves. they debate whether they deserve some kind of treatment or not. we all do that right #and i just know he does that too. i just reslly want him to feel completely loved and cherished and appreciated. #i want him to see himself through our eyes. to surround himself with people who see him exactly the way we do. #to fall in love with somebody who will see him like we see him #nobody deserves better life than this man. and i hope that after our reunion he will live that life to the fullest 💓 i can't wait to see it #anyway. if somebody needs to talk about it or wants to get sadness out of your system - im here 💓 #please keep your heads up and lets wait for him 💓 #we have esch other and we will be okay 💓 #sorry for typos i can barely see its 1am 🤓

[daeluin]

guys i was half joking but

peterick en español (versión trap)

#Y'ALL SEE MY VISION #also im never beating the only picks break up songs for p2 bc im always thinking about the hiatus allegations #twin skeletons #english translation in alt text by yours truly #tho im not happy with it i never imaginated it would be so hard to translate 'y no da más' #for context it's an abbreviation of 'y esto no da para más'. literal this doesn't give for more. it's a frase commonly used when you speak #about relationships that have reached their end. where no matter what anyone says or does the relationship doesn't work anymore #and there's no fixing so you may as well just break up. there's nothing good there anymore and no more to give #anyways i don't know how to convey the feeling property in english i hope y'all catch the drift and see my vision #also stream duki - antes de ameri (2023) right now #it doesn't have this song but ysy a album sucks. duki's on the other hand is a masterpiece

[yngai]

what i like about ada's report, & i'll get into it more eventually, is that despite it being ada explaining the plot (& her motivations) to you directly, it presents an interesting relationship between ada, a known liar & manipulator, & the audience. while she withholds information from other characters & skirts about on mystery throughout RE4 & separate ways, there is one person to whom she doesn't lie, to whom she does tell the truth, at least a part of it, & that is you, the player. it is a very neat narrative device that wouldn't work as well in a different medium

#* file // : OOC — ( 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑'𝐒 𝐂𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐀𝐃𝐄 . ) #not that anyone's actually fucking read ada's report people still think ada was saving leon out of love #in direct opposition to wesker's orders in the original re4 #i wish this didn't make me mad but it does it's right there in plain english the nikita pose is a misdirection #it's subverting the trope she's part of a bigger conspiracy leon is a necessary piece of her mission #like the subversion of the femme fatale isn't subtle #they either die or are undone upon reveal of their treachery ada survives & lives beyond the logical endpoint of her character #she isn't weakened or completely changed in fact she learns how to manipulate the hero better for their next encounter #she isn't working for the villain both in that she tells you that she's only been pretending to this whole time #& that she works for another organization that's been spying on wesker through ada this whole time #but also the fact that wesker is neither the villain of re4 nor resident evil as a franchise he is another cog in the machine #just another one of umbrella's leftovers #see i know people think ada despises chris because he mistook her for carla one time on the tanker #but i think they've got a lot more in common than either is truly willing to admit should they actually ever speak to each other #i just think it's neat that she gets his line addressed to wesker to use on mr. x (just another one of umbrella's failed experiments) #darkside chronicles & re5 were developed around the same time i'm sure it's a coincidence

[clavissionary-position]

but going back to jude, all i know is that my obligatory avril lavigne song for him is Hot

#why do i use tumblr like it's xitter #does that song fit william better? ofc it fucking fits william better #god gave me pants so william could take them off #i'm not going to call him will #that's shakespeare's name #he came first #before the chicken and the egg #there was shakespeare #no one would believe me if i said i've never smoked a joint in my life #i'll call him billy tho #billy rex #that's his rockstar name #his david bowie name #his ziggy stardust name is tbd #if anyone sees this pls don't think i know a single thing about david bowie because i truly don't

[craycraybluejay]

If I wanted to, I could, and worse, you would let me

#and my delusions and aches need healing #and i need you #to love me enough for me not to want to force my love on you #and my rational mind wherever it is knows you do it knows it does #it knows #but. the irrational mind wants some kind of Proof #it wants to force to feed to get inside and look around #nothings ever enough for me i want inside #soft and warm like the womb #you know it #the sick me wants you to somehow prove everything ever #proof of love. proof that im not the only monster. proof of protection of care of empathy of trust of acceptance #its never enough but to be fair you and i both know who made me this way #of course there were many but there are catalysts and then there are nothing-people #prove it to me #i look at you and i feel like youre slipping away someone else has their guts on you someone else has convinced you they are worth your tim #but theyre pathetic and not poetic about it. weak and spineless. they USE YOU to make themselves look strong they USE YOU to talk shit at t #they are useless so they use you like me. and i know i cannot rush it cannot learn your lessons for you #i can't convince you of whats dangrous or cruel until you live it until it breaks your golden heart #but i wish i could protect you from all that somehow #and too i wish a million years would pass and you were as dark as me and as kind as you #its selfish but i hate to see you truly hurt i hate it. it makes me so violently angry. my brain turns off i cant help it #you hurt so Easy you're so very soft but every tiny cruelty that hurts you i want to completely erase off this earth #i dont care if its alive if its helpless if it doesnt know better i dont care if it didnt mean to all i want to do is prove to you show you #keep you safe and cared for #its irrational. i'd put away honour and hurt someone weaker than me if it made you happy if it made you feel safe #i wish i could eliminate the real threat but i cant im trying #you make me crazy and you make me feel normal and simple and human. i know everything about you-- i want to know more #my irrational brain doesn't even register accepted right and wrong only what it considers significant and important. my rational brain read #it like a million page rulebook. be normal be good don't hurt anyone don't get dead don't act before you think

[taegularities]

Rid I'm so sad that you're receiving this hate but for me you're one of the kindest people in here. I'm always rooting for you. Sending hugs. 🥰

thank you babe, i think i needed to hear this.. you're the sweetest, all the hugs back 🥺🤍

#dunno if anyone will read the tags but to be fully honest.. someone said it just yday but #it just sucks feeling so lonely bc so many ppl here seem to be in groups and also hate me? i know i cant be liked by everyone that's okay #but all this hate?.. n i see people interact and be friends n stuff and im in my corner here and just extremely lonely #mutuals don't really interact w me either :') and then i always feel awkward and weird bc i think nobody WANTS to be my friend #which used to be different. maybe i deserved it idk #but yeah very lonely and very “everyone hates me” feel and makes me not rlly wanna do tumblr and writing anymore which is why i might close #this blog after cmi :( n wow i think ive never said it that openly and maybe ill delete it all again ufjdjfud ive just been Sad about this #idk i just hate constantly asking myself 'does anyone still care or like me at all' it just sucks #i'm saying all this n anons will once again find a way to send hate lol. just made tumblr very not comforting for me.. and yeah. anyways #thank you to you guys who still send so much love. when i say it means a lot i truly mean it bc it's always nice to know that ppl are still #here 🤍 #notes for rid 🌹 #anon

[sovonight]

.

#i wanted to find xan's epilogue slides so that i could talk about them and i failed but im talking abt them off my memory anyway #so: how is xan legally allowed to become charname's high priest when he still has the moonblade #like. that's corellon's thing. so what is the process of divorcing himself from that duty #previous conversations have emphasized that chances for him to be free of the moonblade are rare and difficult #so i assume charname as a new deity steps in and does that for him #but even if it's possible & easy: would xan give it up just like that? like he says multiple times that he hates the burden of the sword #but i keep thinking back to that 1 exchange abt secret names where xan explains his secret name literally means promised to the blade #and charname's like 'i prefer xan to your true name and i think so do you; it separates you from your moonblade' #and xan gets really quiet and he's like 'my name was a gift from my father. as was the moonblade' and the conversation instantly ends #like??? the blade is tied up in so much significance. is he really so ready to simp for goddess!charname that his filial piety disappears #like i know that immediately after u save him from bodhi he's like 'i will do whatever you want me to with my life' #and he's outright like 'if you want me to be your high priest when you ascend to godhood i'm 100% down' #but bro just for saving his life?? idk abt anyone else but i save his life on a daily basis. guy is always 2 hits away from death #maybe he's especially awed like 'wow charname took a potentially fatal blow for me' but my guy she does that every damn hour #she's a permanent member of the front line just to keep the aggro off of you. have some more appreciation for her everyday sacrifice #idk it's the way that he's been asking charname not to use her divine powers for 2 full games bc he fears it will consume her #and how he's been sighing longingly and going 'i wish we could have our wedding and a quiet life' #and then. suddenly. he's indifferent to / in full support of the goddess ending?? #like my guy are you aware that you're going to have to share her?? that she'll have other champions besides you?? #that you're never going to truly have her again? that the most you will have of her is her avatar and the visits she makes in your dreams #that you're abandoning the seldarine and might not get to see your parents in the afterlife ever?? #i do love the full devotion thing. i do. but xan's brand of devotion has always come with an asterisk #his and charname's values have to align even Somewhat for his romance to even happen #so what is this? ''if you get far enough in his romance his values no longer matter''? #''feel free to choose whatever ending you want bc at this point he'll just indulge you and go along with it''? #sorry did i romance a fucking reed in the wind?? if i wanted someone that bends to any and all whims xan would be the last person i picked #he's all 'i can't say no to you' now and i'm like *slumps over my desk* i miss when he was contrary about everything #the 'cant say no' thing is even worse if in the underdark you--no i wont get into it #sovo note

[eldrichthingy]

I'm so tired

#honestly.. I have a lot of thoughts right now and I just. I truly am cursed with loneliness #idk how people do this all the time? interacting with each other chatting talking spending time together. talking about hobbies and just #just being friends you know?.. it's so unfamiliar to me and it scares me #I'm so lonely and I'm comfortable with that #but at the same time. I feel like I'm being chocked. I feel so helpless and wrong because I just can't do it #how do people have friends? how does it even work? how do they keep up with each other? it's a pity I'll never know this because I barely #have anyone in my life. maybe I have like two people that I talk with rarely and I don't even have friends or anyone in fandom #it's so tiring and.. feels wrong to live like that. but at the same time that's what I'm grateful for the most - because I don't have anyone #to keep up with. to feel obligated to talk with. maybe it's really better to spend all the time working and enjoying hobbies #idk how I should feel. especially in my age #yes I know I'm.. fairly young for now but it scares me so much #I feel so wrong for not doing what others are doing. so wrong for not having anyone when all these people just.. do have someone #I'm very very lonely and I'm mostly okay with this but I can't help but feel loss #my siblings don't really care about me and that's okay - none of us are social enough. and I haven't seen my parents for what? for a year? #maybe it's for better #but I just can't help but feel so crushed and lonely because of this. I know I don't need anyone because it's too difficult for me to have #an active friendship but at the same time I feel so.. socially starved I guess? #I wish I wouldn't feel hurt of this feeling #nonsims #delete later #olya's rambles

[heartbrake-hotel]

Ugh. You won't believe this. I'm sorry to bug you, but I just needed to vent.

I saw some idiot on twitter saying that when E met Priscilla he had an eleven year old girl living with him in Germany. They mentioned Scotty Moore said that in his book so I looked it up. What he said was at the time E met Cilla, he had an "even younger German girl" (his words) living in the house with his father and grandmother. Except...well, I can't find any proof of this; there’s no evidence nor mention of this girl (or how old she was) anywhere else in the book nor in any other books written about him. No proof he had anyone else like that living with him in Germany.

So I don’t think that claim is true. Where do people come up with this stuff anyway? How do you not get into an argument with these idiots? Because it's super annoying.

ugh, believe it or not, baby, im not surprised at all. but you could never bug me !!! 💖 sorry it took me so long to answer this, but rest assured i haven't calmed down about this any since you first sent it 😅

a couple notes‐ honestly, i'm inclined to believe scotty. NOT TWITTER to clarify lol.. eleven seems young for him even if you are looking to view e through the most unflattering light possible 😬 but it seems likely to me that he had another teenage girl maybe not uh. officially on the lease or anything but staying over most nights ! more than ONE even sounds plausible.. we all know that someone didn't like his bed cold.!

people who claim to hate elvis sure spend an awful lot of time reviling him on the internet, especially by regurgitating half-remembered anecdotal evidence without citing their sources. 🙄 on the other hand, it's also easy to fall into the trap of too-faithful elvis historian; by that i mean that the fact that so much of his life is documented sometimes makes us complacent in our belief that if it can't be verified by multiple primary sources that it must not have happened. but we can't always say, and getting too involved as if the historical accuracy of one particular proposed event is the end-all be-all of elvis fandom can get exhausting.!

i wouldn't be surprised to find out either way, that this was or wasn't true. but you're free to make up your own mind, and if it distresses you, then fwiw i think you Totally have a leg to stand on affirming it never happened, like you said !! ultimately, it doesn't have much bearing on right now- if you like elvis, this vague and nebulous criticism probably isn't the thing that'll make you stop liking elvis, and if you hate elvis, you're probably determined to keep doing that regardless.

regarding the twitdiots- while looking into this claim i found a lady on there who legitimately believed that agent elvis tells the true story of how e was experimented on and mind controlled into drug abuse by the government.. like she said That with her whooole chest. so i don't put much stock in public opinion over there 😂😂💀

i want to fight those people extremely often (they're not just on twitter, either- it seems to have died down a little praise GOD but especially in early days after the movie there was a wave of ppl on here who would put their elvis hate in the main tags. WHICH DROVE ME BATTY), but i come from the "don't feed the trolls" era of fandom. as much as id like to rip 'em a new one when they rehash the same two issues over and over and OVER again ad nauseum, i content myself with the fact that they're living a pathetic existence in which they actively choose to fill their life with something they dislike for... no discernable reason.?

no one who spends their time bringing up a dead celebrity at all opportunities just to bash them is actually open to a discussion. and i do think there is a discussion to be had- his life was certainly very troubled, and i think there are a lot of nuanced issues that benefit from being spoken about openly !!!

but i like to debate bc i like to WIN- so jackasses tend to be a waste of my time 😘

#ask #if anyone DOES decide to start fighting idiots tho tag team me !!! #ill pop in for a few rounds 👊💥 #i try to just move on without paying it too much attention #and everyone on here is so lovely its a good distraction !!! #i dont think theres any harm in choosing to see the good in people #esp dead people im sorry #like either im right and elvis was a flawed but kind person (all i get is bragging rights) #or im wrong and he was a dirtbag (all i get is . literally nothing) #when i die and meet him ill send yall word but i think we already know what the answer is 😘 #but either way it doesnt have much objective bearing on my life.. #as long as im deluding myself into writing fanfic anyway who cares right?? 🤪 #like who cares if i choose to use him as a vessel to make myself happier #i DO truly believe he was a good person and i think weve p much reached the point where #no one but angie marchese herself could talk me out of that #🙃🙃🙃 #NOTE THIS LOGIC DOES *NOT* APPLY TO PPL WHO MAKE FLOWER CROWN EDITS OF SERIAL KILLERS

[itspileofgoodthings]

I don’t know what a parasocial relationship is and at this point I’m too afraid to ask.

#I mean I sort of get it #but there is a mental block #it’s not all poisonous I guess!!!! sometimes you love people from afar!!!!! it’s okay!!!!! #reality will let you know when it’s time to let them go #I loved stonefield for YEARS and you know what it’s good they broke up because it got too intense #and I healed and moved on. but also like. love from afar isn’t inherently messed up and twisted #‘why woULd aNYoNe CAre ABouT ceLEBritIEs’ #ummm idk because they’re human beings And have you met human beings they can be so funny and fascinating and charming #No amount of fame or ego undoes that and sometimes it just makes it more tragic #and like. I say this as someone who has (largely) moved on from caring about celebrities the way that I used to #because like. I needed to. And I needed to grow up #and learn to love the people in my life the most #and to understand who that was #and that it WASn’t Emma stone #But like. I loved her truly and a part of my heart still does #anyway like. all of our lives/loves need to be purified in the Sacred Heart #that is just how it goes #and that is the only way to never lose them #Cc: that cs lewis quote about how only in loving Him more than them can we love them more than we now do etc. etc. #anyway I can’t remember my point but like oh yeah sometimes you love people from afar and they’re special to you and like THAT’s OKAY #like yeah yeah blah blah equal healthy relationships that go both ways where you are also seen and loved yeah yeah #it just annoys me though #Life is about learning how to love deeply and purely #and you only learn that by loving #Reality will teach you!!! when it’s off balance a little and needs to adjust !!!!!!!! #something will smack you in the face #But the act of love is never wasted #Okay I DO know what a parasocial relationship is (sort of) I just hate the rhetoric #Love the things you love with your WHOLE heart!!!! Give your WHOLE HEART to things!!!!!!!!! Yes it will get broken!!!!!! That’s okay!!!!!!! #Do not choose disdain!!!!!!!! Do not let anyone tell you you can’t love people or things YES YOU CAN

[barnbridges]

frankly, i wish MY autistic burnouts were caused by shit as real as hiding that my 5 friends murdered someone.

#that's what that was and you cannot convince me otherwise #they just kicked my man from his high functioning era into just full executive dysfunction meltdown #and he's everything unhinged #and they don't make like. youtube video essays in the 80s. all he has is pussy and yelling at charles. #i mean like... one day when IM myself not in burnout i might explain why bunny's attitude while hiding the murder is a good example #of burnout and demand avoidance in autistic people #but just trust me until then that he both believes and doesn't believe anything he says #but he is certainly... real #that's what being “unmasked” is like when people are used to you being high masking #you're rude you eat like shit you're “unhinged” and afraid and you lash out at people #because you secretly want it because you always think they hate you and you're a nuisance #and sometimes you are! #but there's also the element of that...... he lashes out at THEM #he keeps THEIR secret. as much as he can. even when he knows it's wrong. #when he knows it damages HIM #because bunny undeniably loved the greek class. a lot. #and did what he did not only to keep himself safe but them. #but he also fucking hates them and wishes they died sometimes. #and is aware they don't know him don't like him #but the thing is.... i don't think anyone does in his mind truly know him and truly love him #so it's alright #i literally want to tear myself apart the way i UNDERSTAND the way that brain fucking works in that situation

[trulyiamjusthangingout]

Sebastian Vael is such a profoundly lonely character

#like some of this is just the limitations of the DLC and I do get that but like #accepting the material as presented (tho acknowledging it's told through Varric's very biased POV) #Seb tries SO HARD to connect with the Kirkwall Crew #(with the exception of Anders who he's still shockingly polite to all things considered) #yet his attempts at reaching out for friendship are either outright rejected (Aveline...VARRIC especially) #or at best politely accepted without much depth in return...Like he can be a friendly acquaintance to them but not a truly close friend #(his relationships with Merrill and Fenris for example) #and again it is not for lack of trying on his part! man is using all of the tools he has to connect with these ppl! #and he himself clearly cares about them!! #just something about this guy who was outright rejected by his family for being too much #too hedonistic too emotional too impulsive #and sent away from the only home he's ever known to a city where he knows truly no one #and has to cut off as much of his former personality/behavior as possible to try #and earn redemption/righteousness be what his family wants #the way he has to constantly earn Elthina's approval but it never stays nothing he does is ever truly good enough #and how other than her and Hawke (presuming they actually take the time to get to know him which like..a lot of players don't) #he never truly knows anyone in Kirkwallhe's always a stranger in that city #i forget what my point was but I love Sebastian he makes me so fucking sad #yes I'm playing DA2 again it's fine i don't have a problem i can stop whenever i want mind your business lol #dragon age #sebastian vael #dragon age 2