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mixtape-racha · 7 months

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if you don't know | yang jeongin

☆ part 8/8 of the 5 seconds of stray kids series ☆

words: 1.03k // warnings: friends to nothing, unrequited love, angst

“go ahead, y/n, rip my fucking heart out - show me you think love's all about!”

as jeongin’s eyes brimmed with tears, could you ever be sure of your feelings for him?

you and jeongin had always had a strange relationship. being best friends practically since birth, you both knew each other better than anyone. but god, if you knew that would be your downfall, would you have changed anything.

it started as harmless flirting, playing into everyone’s idea that you were dating. from there, it progressed into being each other’s first kiss - because you were both young and inexperienced, and who better to trust than your best friend? then making out almost every time you’d been drinking. then hooking up on the down low. but, honestly - why wouldn’t you? jeongin was hot, you weren’t blind. and you were both available, but not wanting relationships. just two best friends helping each other scratch an itch, when has that ever gone wrong?

but things changed, so slowly that you barely noticed. jeongin had been clingier - and he was always clingy with you, so getting worse was an accomplishment in itself. he never even looked at other girls, let alone spoke to them. and his reaction to you telling him about a recent hookup was the finishing touch.

“jeongin… you know we’re just friends, right? we could never be anything more?” you asked softly, scanning his face for a response as he turned away and put all of his attention to the tv in front of him.

“yeah, i know. that's why we’re only hooking up, not dating, obviously.” he replied nonchalantly.

you let out a silent sigh of relief, but little did you know that jeongin’s heart was breaking on the other end of the couch. he’d been in love with you for as long as he could remember, and as a disciple of 90’s tv shows and movies, he had put all hope into the idea of you becoming best friends with benefits and you’d inevitably fall in love with him. he realized now the idea was futile, but he was selfish when it came to you. so selfish, in fact, that even if it was just no-strings-attached hookups - on your end, at least - he’d hold onto that. keep you as his for as long as he could.

however, slowly he began distancing himself. he knew that eventually your agreement would come to an end, and he wanted to avoid the hurt as much as he could. yeah, he was selfish, but even keeping you around as a friend when you eventually crumbled his heart up into a thousand pieces would be too much to bare.

it took you over a week to notice his distance, he realized. over a week of barely answering his messages, not hanging out, and no sex. he began to doubt himself over it. was he that replaceable? did you not miss his presence in your life? but, in reality, it was the opposite. you noticed him distancing himself from you, and it wasn’t hard for you to guess why. given the severity of the situation, you wanted to allow him his space, to not push him. you just didn’t realize he’d misjudge your intentions.

when jeongin knocked on your door at 2 in the morning, obviously having had alcohol earlier in the evening, you were surprised. you were even more surprised when he let himself in, the lights in your hallway showing his puffy cheeks and red eyes, indicating that he had been crying.

“oh, innie,” you cooed, sleep still plaguing your voice. “what’s wrong?”

“do you love me?” his voice, stern and resounding, cut you off and made you stop in your tracks. what was this about?

“of course, i love you, innie. you’re my best friend.”

he sighed harshly, running his hands through is hair as he paced through your living room.

“you know thats not what i mean. do you love me, (y/n)? i need to know.”

your heart broke at the state he was in. really, you wanting nothing more than to love him the way he loved you. you’d tried - tried to learn to love him, to see him as more than a friend, but all your efforts were in vain. jeongin was your dearest friend, and nothing more.

“jeongin… i–i don’t know what you want me to say. i can’t tell you something just because its what you want to hear…” your voice cracking, giving away your heartbreak at what you knew the outcome of this would be.

you didn’t want to lose jeongin, never. but you knew that this would be too hard for him. you just hoped that maybe, somewhere in the future, you could settle the differences that drove you apart and become what you used to be. best friends.

he scoffed, and the look on his face was similar to pure disgust.

“so all i am to you is an easy fuck, right? someone you can shag, and then drop for the next guy who wants you in his bed?”

you gasped at his words, even though you understood he was only speaking out of pain. his words were cutting, and even the way he looked at you had you on the verge of tears.

“you know that’s not true. if at any point you said you wanted more, you know i would’ve stopped sleeping with you. it was never supposed to be more than that.”

you were shaking, praying to any and every god that jeongin would see sense. that he would sit and talk it out calmly with you. but it never worked that way, did it? not when jeongin was looking at you like you held the key to his heart and had just thrown it away.

“right. of course not.”

clearly not having any more to say, he stormed back across the living room and towards the front door, with you hot on his tail and begging him to stop - to not leave like this.

“see you around, i guess. i really hope that one day you realize you’ve just lost the one person that everyone knew you wanted, except you.”

as he slammed the door behind him, making you jump, you mulled his words over in your head. was he right? were you lying to yourself, and everyone else? but it didn’t matter, anyway. you were too late.

taglist: join taglists here @pretty-racha @skz-streamer @hyunjiins @backintomykpopphaseagain @demetrisscarf @nappynapnaps

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bluesworldd · 10 months

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PT1. ➤ RUNNING ON E

pairing: miles morales 42 x gn reader

cw/tw: death, description of blood, panic attack(s), cursing, mention of vomiting, using the word “god” in vein, mentions of depression, lower case letters intended. no use of y/n

*if i missed anything please let me know*

genre: ANGST!!, hurt/comfort.

synopsis: you never seen your boyfriend like this, and as much as it hurts all you could do was be there for him.

proofread?: yes/no/kinda

blues says: this wasn’t supposed to be a series but here we are… first fic im kinda nervous. hope you enjoy

spoilers ahead !

┄┄ ︰ ┄୨୧┄ ︰ ┄┄

god.

standing on top of the body miles couldn’t breath- god what has he done? there was blood everywhere; on the ground, on the walls, on him. the world seemingly began to spin, miles was beginning to hyperventilate with ringing in his ears.

it had happened so fast, too fast. he was supposed stop some of these guys from a smuggling, he never meant to kill anyone. god where did he go wrong? trying to remember only seemed to make this all worse, he could feel his mouth start to salivate, miles was gonna be sick-

“MILES! hey are you listening?!” aaron yelled. grabbing his shoulder while taking miles out of his trance. just how long have they been standing here? “hey look we have to go” he had began dragging miles to the parked car. this was all surreal and too sudden, fuck what was he going to do now? how could he possibly live knowing he took someone else’s life? what if he went to prison? how would uncle aaron see him? how would his mom see him? fuck how would you see him?

being practical shoved in the car he could hear his uncle’s voice. “listen miles we tell nobody, not your mother, not your friends, absolutely nobody. ok?” miles truly wishes he could respond but honestly everything his uncle said went into one ear and out the other. instead of responding miles opted for nodding thats all he could do right now.

god miles just wanted to go home and sleep the night away in his parents bed like he used to, when everything was fine and all he had to worry about was going waking up on time..oh how the times have changed, miles can’t remember when it all changed.

miles was so absorbed by his own thoughts that he didn’t even notice he was already home. turning his head he could see the conflicted look on his uncles face. “look miles…im sorry none of that shit should have happened….fuck” miles wasn’t upset with his uncle, no it wasn’t him who dragged miles into this, miles did this to himself. he got so engrossed with his depression and rage that he ended up taking this stupid offer in the first place but here he is, dont get him wrong, miles never intended to kill anyone. besides needing a distraction from his grief he needed this money, miles refused to watch his mother work herself to the bone. either way if miles could take it all back he definitely would.

“…so what should we do now?” god his mouth was so dry and his voice sounded so weak. “ill fix all of this, you don’t have to worry about anything…” aaron trailed on “fuck im so sorry miles” his uncle’s voice didn’t sound any stronger than his, miles could hear how apologetic his uncle was. “..why dont you head inside, its late and your mother is probably worried sick…ill deal with everything..” nodding his head miles made his way into his complex. miles was beyond tired and decided that he would sleep all of this away and deal with everything tomorrow.

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#˗ˏˋblue is writing´ˎ˗#miles morales x reader #miles morales #earth 42 miles morales x reader #earth 42 miles morales #astv x reader #spiderman astv #astv miles

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vylad243 · 1 month

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oh wow thats intriguing. i want to hear more about the alternate month in rut where voxval dont necessarily breakup. would al regret his actions for being bitter/cold to vox when he first arrived? does val still get killed? what about vel in all this? (sorry for the tons of questions btw its just so interesting to think of.... also am i allowed to draw fanart for ur fic in general)

Alastor wouldn't necessarily regret it, but he wouldn't be happy with his last actions. He thinks if he acted a lot sooner, Vox wouldn't have been as hurt as he was- but he also doesn't know if accepting Vox a lot sooner wouldn't have had worse consequences. To him- he's toying with a life that he actually cares about, and one wrong move could have put the final nail in Vox's coffin. He would be torn because he knows now just how badly Vox was hurting and how little freedom he had, but he wouldn't regret it because it gave Vox more time to build genuine connections with other people instead of clinging to just Alastor. It widened his support circle because let's be honest- Vox has fucking terrible social skills

Valentino would get killed, but it wouldn't be like in month of rut. It wouldn't be permanent because Vox would fry the bitch. It would be a desperate attempt to claw himself free from Valentino's chains. The craving for validation and to be loved would be overwhelming so he wouldn't be thinking straight. He wouldn't use the weapon in his heels to kill him. He would use the powers that Valentino needs to be famous. The powers that everyone uses every day. Hell would go into a blackout from the sheer volume of electricity that he uses, but Vox would be alone. He wouldn't have anyone with him because he wouldn't tell anyone. Everyone would find out he was missing from the power outage.

They would all split up to try and find him, and Charlie and Alastor would find him unconscious with Velvette holding him close. Velvette would return to the hotel with them and stay with Vox in his room while he recovers.

Velvette would hold a similar position as she does currently, but she would be a lot more of a reoccurring character than she currently is. Her relationship with Vox would be a lot more explored. Her and Papermint would basically take over Voxtech while Vox is recovering from his injury, Val's death, and the blackout. Velvette would be Valentino and Vox's adopted daughter, so she would be a lot more hurt and unaware of just how bad Valentino was to Vox in particular because Val would treat her with the utmost care.

Velvette and Vox would be mostly recovering together, and Velvette would stay in the hotel for a lot longer. She would never be an official patient. When Valentino rebuilds himself, Velvette would be the one to kill him with an angelic weapon.

Alastor would also like Velvette a lot more and would have more of an opportunity to get to know her and bond with her because Alastor's radiowaves would help heal Vox's injuries. Basically, Alastor, Vox, and Velvette will be bunking together, but Vox would be unconscious for most of it.

Velvette would also be taught some of Alastor's recipes because she can handle spice, and he needs a spice buddy

And OMG YES YOU CAN!! I would be so honoured 😭 I would honestly probably make it my pfp if someone drew art of my fanfic-

#hazbin hotel #vox hazbin hotel #radiostatic #hazbin hotel alastor #a month in rut #hazbin hotel velvette #hazbin hotel valentino #heimaldesirae #i would be so happy #it's such a nice feeling when your content inspires people #it's like preciously holding someone's trust in your hands because inspiration is such a precious thing #i would fistfight anyone for my readers/followers tbh #i would run to that denny's parking lot so fast

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gale-gentlepenguin · 5 months

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Gale's Countdown: Best to Worst, Ramona's Evil Exes (Scott Pilgrim)

The Rules:

I will be covering ALL mediums Comic, movie, video game and even Show

When I say Best, I mean in which their actions are the least Egregious, they are entertaining, and they are more palatable, The lower on the list the worse they are

I must view them by their most detestable actions, as determined by either medium

This is a subjective list based on my opinion, so feel free to put your thoughts and opinions on the list.

Spoilers for the Comic, the Show, the Movie and the Video game

____________________________________________________________

The Best Ex: Roxie Richter

Roxie is probably the Evil Ex that is probably on the best terms with Ramona in all iteration (save the movie). Roxie was seen occasionally hanging out with Ramona in the comic, and while the Half Ninja did try to kill Ramona and Scott, its clear her reasons for being an Evil Ex are pretty justified. Ramona's dismissive nature of their relationship as a "Phase" and her leaving without a word was pretty damn heartbreaking.

And while she claims to be the most Emotionally intelligent, she has just as much trouble explaining her feelings as the other Exes do. But In Scott Pilgrim takes off we see her at her core and she just needed some damn closure. Which compared to the rest of the people on the list, she is the most justified.

The Second Best Ex: Mathew Patel

Okay so for a guy that only dated Ramona briefly in middle school and being a super petty Theater nerd... he isnt actually that Evil.

Yea he tries to play up his evil side, but he is actually a really polite dude. He sent Scott a warning about how the Evil Exes were going to attack him, and even took time to ensure Scott understood what was going on instead of just attacking him.

Sure in the Comic, Game and Movie we dont get much of his character, but in the Anime. We find out how after he won, he realized that the League was stupid and decided to Challenge Gideon after realizing this whole thing wouldnt actually win Ramona over. He eventually moves on with his life not even pursuing Ramona further, he rightfully Blames Gideon for his stupid assumptions and even BEATS GIDEON. Now Mathew is still a selfish jerk, but he is oddly not hostile towards Ramona and simply moves on with his life after this. Guess he just needed some self confidence to know his own worth was more than just the first guy to get defeated.

The Third best Ex: Lucas Lee

Bad boy skateboarder/ Action star. Lucas Lee.

In the Anime he is just kind of a Himbo that seems more angry with Todd than Ramona over how the relationship ended. In the movie and Comic he is not really caring much about the League and just decided to fight because why not. The comic has him at his worst which he simply says if Scott pays him 50 bucks he will simply leave him alone.

In this context he really hasnt done anything to Ramona and actually in the movie version asks how shes been casually. Regardless of the version Lucas never seemed to have any real negative views on Ramona. And He is arguably interchangable with Mathew, I do Put him lower because Lucas never called out how dumb the League actually was unlike Patel.

The Fourth Best/Fourth Worst Ex: Kyle & Ken Katayanag

I put them to share these rankings because they are interchangeable. No matter the story they both are always grouped together. The worst thing they did was Kidnap Kim and send robots to Attack Scott, but regardless of the version they arent outright hostile to Ramona but do blame the cheating fiasco on her. They are usually pretty chill outside of that and thats honestly the worst they get, they are just only sort of Asses but that is about it. They have a cool Robot though.

The Third Worst Ex: Todd Ingram

Ah Yes, the first Big Ex of Ramona's. They Dated throughout Highschool and then broke off when he left for Vegan School. He is probably the most Vanilla Scumbag, but he is actually even worse because he is Vegan and believes he is better than everyone else. And the Psychic powers that come with being Vegan... well He might have a point. But he is constantly cheating on his Girlfriend. And in the Show he ends up cheating and catches feelings for Wallace (who I am CONVINCED has a +7 Charisma boost) or Magic balls.

Anyway, regardless of iteration he is a serial cheater whether its in love, in a fight, or even on his Vegan Diet. He is also willing to punch girls for no reason other than they are annoying him. He punched the highlights out of Knives hair in most iterations, its f***ed up.

The Second Worst Ex: Scott Pilgrim (Specifically Even Older Scott)

Ramona once said that Scott was an evil ex just waiting to happen. but in the anime we actually get to see what that would be like. Take all of Scotts worst qualities, He dated a high schooler (no he didnt do anything but STILL), he cheated on girls, he would hide things from people, he wouldnt take responsibility for his own faults. And now have it where he is able to beat the Exes and get Ramona WITHOUT all of the emotional growth that let him realize he was an absolute Scumbag and needed to change.

In this timeline, Scott ended up separating from Ramona after a Rough patch, which lead to him trying to stop himself from ever dating Ramona by pulling him out of time to convince himself, but when that failed he trained for 10 YEARS gained the powers and Skills of ALL the Evil Exes then decided to fight EVERYONE in order to stop Scott From dating Ramona. Its arguable that he is probably the worst because he was more than willing to wipe out his own friend if needed just to achieve his goal. Showing how Tunnel vision Scott can be. In a way, Even Older Scott is Nega Scott fully realized. And is Ramona's most Dangerous Ex

The Worst Ex Gideon Gordon Graves

If anyone has read the Comic, Gideon is by far the Worst of the Evil Exes. Sure Scott of that other timeline maybe the most powerful, this Emotionally abusive prick is far and away the worst.

He created Emotional warfare to manipulate people, including Ramona. Messed with peoples memories, Was Physically and Emotionally abusive, His grand master plan was to gain complete control of the Glow, brain wash people, have Ramona get frozen and become one of his frozen Exes that he pulls out of stasis to Date whenever he gets board, (basically a sex slave)

The Anime REALLY cuts a lot of this out and makes him much less then he is, and the movie only has a control collar on Ramona where he is still an asshole control freak.

But the Comic REALLY goes out of the way where he is like Scott but at his ABSOLUTE WORST in every category.

Power maybe debated but when it comes to EVIL ex. there is no topping Gideon

#evil exes #gale's list #gale's top 10 #but not really ten #scott pilgrim #scott pilgram vs the world #scott pilgrim anime #scott pilgrim takes off

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goodfully · 9 months

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oh god i cant believe ive finished reading the neapolitan novels already, its over??? ahh okay thoughts on the last book "the story of the lost child"..

honestly i was dreading the last maybe twenty pages bc i didnt want it to end hahaha. its crazy that everything we've read is essentially all for lila. "i who have written for months and months and months to give her a form whose boundaries wont dissolve." ahh!!!!! what!!!!!! to spend so much of the book saying how much lila suffered and feared from dissolving boundaries, how she had been so overwhelmed during the earthquake when the entire world felt like its boundaries were dissolving, and then say that everything shes written is to keep her from dissolving herself... my goodness. "i loved lila. i wanted her to last. but i wanted it to be i who made her last. i thought it was my task. i was convinced that she herself, as a girl, had assigned it to me." wow... you ever loved someone so much... also.. the way lenu was saying how connected they are, that even tho she has written a lot about her own life in these pages, "the very nature of our relationship dictates that i can reach her only by passing through myself"??? god.

i think my favorite parts of the book were all when lenu and lila were so close to each other during and after their pregnancies. i just thought it was so sweet, the way they were basically a family together, two mothers and their children. going to their doctors appointment tmr, taking walks together, taking care of each others daughters like their own.

i have to admit that i was confused by the meaning of the dolls at the very end, but i love that the openendness of the ending was referring back to something unanswered (where were the dolls) from one of the very first scenes from the first book (altho very interesting!, considering how not too long before the end of the book, lenu was telling imma not to believe in the cyclical nature of society). to me i thought, perhaps also it could mean that (assuming its lila) lila chooses existing (with lenu) over disappearing? actually, when tina disappeared and dede had accused lila of losing tina on purpose, i immediately thought it made sense. the first thing we literally know about lila is how she has felt the need to erase herself completely, and tina parallels/is an extension of lila the way imma parallels/is an extension of lenu. lila wanted to erase herself without a trace, and there was literally zero proof of tinas death/kidnapping/existence.

in the same way lila wouldnt be able to erase herself completely without also erasing tina, i think about the idea of how the ppl we love will never truly be erased if we love them? thats why even if tina disappeared, lila cant be erased bc lenu loves her. like how, whether its on purpose or not to keep her mother alive, lenu finds her mothers existence with her in her limp. i think the same could be said about the solaras, who altho arent exactly loved by the neighborhood, are important enough to most ppl in the neighborhood and their power is still felt in the neighborhood after their death. also, i think its a little different, but im reminded of when lenu said something like the many fragments of ourselves are scattered like splinters or something (altho i think the context here was about their children). but no one is ever never really gone, i think.. oh.. i go crazy every time she talks about her relationship/similarities with her mother (the ancestors in her body when she was physically violent back against her mother, and the.. "must i watch you become worse than me?"), and her relationship/similarities with her daughters (her daughters reaching the same age as the ghosts of her girlhood), and every time the imma/tina relationship parallels the lenu/lila relationship.

i was thinking that this book was more of accepting yourself and your origins, whereas the other books showed lenu and lila trying to escape them? perhaps acceptance of the past and the agency you have despite the past that defined you? like when lenu realizes that ninos actions are not attributed to his father, nino is his own person and he himself is the reason he is a piece of shit man, not just bc of the man who raised him. and that part when lenu said that antonios tone resembles the neighborhood, but it is entirely his own. more so when lenu had published her third book and said that only words and stories from the neighborhood were the only ones with meaning, and that she no longer felt she was a victim of her origins but was capable of dominating them and using them to climb higher. stuff about the past and present colliding. it reminds me of when mariarosa said something like, a woman without love for her origins is lost, or something.. i kinda forgot what the context was tho.

oh another thing, the closeness between the childhood neighborhood friends meant so much to me.. like there was a moment when carmen said that lenu and lila are her sisters during that little gathering with the neighborhood group of kids now all grown up just talking to each other... i think theyre like family, they grew up together. when lenu goes in the neighborhood after moving back to naples and is talking to carmen, lila, and enzo again... they care so much about each other. and talking about how much they love pasquale too no matter what hes doing. sobs.

this just reminded me of nino.. (he was there the first time, but whatever! he kinda wasnt.) when lenu makes nino come over, i was so pissed... and i had a feeling something bad would happen while he was there, but tinas disappearance was not what i was expecting.. oh but enzo.. my beloved, he was so caring and attentive, not only to tina but also imma. ahh.. while im on the topic of men, the part when gennaro and stefano find rino, and gennaro had to listen to stefano yell insults at rinos dead body and then beats up stefano while crying that he is disgusted with himself for being his son. it just made me really sad.. these are the two adult men he has and is related to..

tbh francos death sticks out to me mainly bc he said something that i honestly believe and live by, i repeat it to myself to not relapse into whatever mental illness, "it [is] a good rule not to expect the ideal but to enjoy what is possible", but then he kills himself immediately after and it... makes me so fucking sad.

lenu said this only in the beginning about feeling the hostility from her mother/lila and felt estranged from them, but i often think about freedom vs loneliness. i suppose its also something throughout the whole series, with how much she wanted freedom and to escape from her origins, she /was/ lonely. and the time spent trying to be on her own without lila was also lonely. the end of the entire series when she felt her friendship with lila must have ended... that was lonely. i think in this fourth book, lenu expressed a lot more of her love for lila.

anyway... overall i loved the entire series so much... i am so glad i read it finally, its some of the best books ive ever read. im on a trip with family rn and every time someone asks me what im reading, i really dont know how to summarize all four novels all together in a way that explains how good and thoughtful it all is. also i know its adapted into a show, which i really want to watch eventually! i still cant believe im done reading tho.. like what do i do now! ahhhhhh

#finished reading #the story of the lost child #neapolitan novels

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polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup · 10 months

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don't wait for tumblr to give u more tags. go off about tony and steve and zola pls i am humbly requesting

As a part of my ongoing war on my ask box this is a very old post regarding a tumblr tag essay i made forever ago. i half answered this ask when it came in and then forgot to finish. without further ado:

Anon is talking about this post about Steve and Tony’s relationship. I HIGHLY recommend the original post it's great but i copied the original tags essay below since it's been so long since the ask arrived.

#I feel like anyone who writes Tony stark for marvel should have to go watch bojack horseman first as like a mandatory assignment#because that show understood the premise of Tony stark better than any MCU writer ever has and it wasn’t even writing for tony stark#in sum bojack horseman follows the titular bojack who is a washed up 90s sitcom television star#bojack himself is extremely self destructive and the show follows him as his selfish and egotistical tendencies erode at his relationships#However bojack himself is an extremely sympathetic character. his harmful acts are all tied very directly to the trauma of his life#he’s a survivor of generational abuse whose own substance abuse problems stem from the fact that he was in such a neglectful environment#that he had started drinking at an INCREDIBLY young age got himself sober only to relapse due to a spiked drink after fame

#this sympathic is increased by the fact that he does geninuinely love and care for his friends and often goes to extreme lengths to show it#but what the show understands that MCU writers dont is that his tragic past doesn’t excuse the harm or pain he causes and the show goes to#LABORIOUS extents to emphasize the consequences and suffering his actions cause in his attempt towards making amends#it is FASINCATING to me that MCU just fails to grasp this because it’s really the core of Tony’s character. his story is one of redemption#and regret. but what it never seemed to get is that requires recognition of wrongs and change and his relationship with steve is a prime ex.#when they meet tony is 40+ and Steve is 23-25. steve has been awake from world war 2 for less than 2 weeks everyone he loves is dead and hes#visibly haunted by his time in the ice. his ptsd flashbacks to crashing the plane is how his character is introduced. Tony spends the time

#calling him ‘capsicle’ and talking about how much he can’t stand steve. the narrative plays it off as a gaff of little consequence but#practically speaking that’s INSANE. like can you imagine you’re a traumatized war vet who got out of a coma 2 months ago and woke up to#discover everyone you ever loved is dead and this stranger twice your age at your new work nicknames you coma boy and hates your guts bc of#his daddy issues? like Tony in avengers is borderline cruel but the narrative and the fandom never acknowledge it. it’s like removing the#laugh track on a scene from one of those old sitcoms and realizing how mean it is. and while we can fully acknowledge that Howard hurt Tony#that doesn’t make it Steve’s fault and doesn’t give Tony the license to take it out on him. like at the end of the day your healing is your#responsibility and the MCU fails to grasp that with Tony. honestly it does a disservice to the depth of his character b/c Tony should have#already grown past this by the time of Avengers. he had already gone through iron man 2 and grappled somewhat with his relationship w howard#while that doesn’t mean he’s healed yet it does mean that his character needs to learn to grow past it or he risks stagnation. mcu just#happily embraced stagnation and it made the character worse for it. Theres a scene in the comics where Tony is the first to reach out to#Steve post ice. he takes him to the air&space museum and welcomes him to the future. THATS the growth we want. Bc fundamentally even if we

#sympathize for Tony’s abuse by Howard lashing out at someone who was functionally dead at the time of ur dads mistakes is a very juvenile#mindset. /growth/ is deciding to be better than the person who hurt you and the MCUs obsession with blaming Steve for howard cut that off#CW would have been SO MUCH MORE COMPELLING if Tony had formed a relationship with Steve bc Steve would be torn between past and present but#instead Tony is saying how much he hated Steve during the fucking movie and Steve’s taking it with grace. like you’re 50 man you gotta work#past this at some point. out of tags but I have Opinions about Tony and actually zola too but we won’t get there give me more tags tumblr

Fundamentally, my issue with Tony and how he's written for the MCU is that he has the potential for one of greatest redemption arcs ever and the writers are fucking allergic to giving it to him, and his dynamic with Steve is a a prime example of it. How poorly Steve's relationship with Tony was mishandled is a pretty perfect case study as to how Tony as a character was mishandled as a whole.

As stated in the Tumblr Tags Essay above, by the time Steve came on the scene, Tony should have already grown past his hate for Steve. To be clear, that is not saying he should have gotten over Howard or any harm that he suffered as a result of his. Howard was his parent who was, to some degree, at least emotionally neglectful, if not abusive. Healing and learning helping coping mechanisms does not demand you forgive your abuser.

But Steve was never his abuser. He's a 20-something year old guy who has been trapped in a block of ice for Tony's entire life and who woke up two weeks ago to find out that everyone he ever loved is dead or suffering from alzheimer's and that his sacrifice was for nothing because he was just told the thing he drove a fucking plane into the fucking arctic over is Back Again Because We Learned Nothing.

And the thing is that the realization that "This man can hold literally no complicity in my abuser because he was frozen in the Arctic Circle the entire time" requires a level of emotional maturity you generally achieve at the age of thirteen or so. Tony is fucking fifty. Mentally, he's over twice Steve's age. At absolute best, the way Tony treats Steve from the outset is immature and more accurately it's downright cruel. Voluntarily killing himself by driving a plane into ice only to wake up and discover that he has lost everyone he ever loved is undoubtedly one of the most traumatic things that has ever happened to steve, and he just woke up from it. He is two weeks out from this. He's actively having flashbacks of what happened right before Tony starts cracking jokes about it. It'd be like if Steve walked up to Tony right after he got back from Afghanistan and called him Waterboarding Boy and everyone treated it like it was a cutesy character trait.

That's one of the most egregious parts of how Tony's character is written--things that are objectively things that need to be addressed in his character arc area treated like acceptable and borderline justified quirks in his personality. Tony's relationship with his father is one of the cornerstones of his backstory and who he became. While he doesn't have to forgive his father on the road to recovery, he does have to realize when he's using it as an excuse to hurt others and stop it.

That's also something he never does, and one of the reasons why i think that the writers for him need to watch Bojack horseman. In the same movie he's claiming to that he was Steve's friend, he's still saying to his face how much he fucking hated him over things that happened when Steve was supposed to have martyred himself to save the world.

There's multiple parts of Tony's character that could have formed the basis of an amazing character arc if he grew and improved from them, but the narrative refused to even recognize them as problems, let alone have him overcome them, and his relationship with Steve is a perfect example of it. The writer's refusal to recognize that brings down the quality of his entire arc and cheapens him as a character.

If Tony had been allowed to recognize that Steve was not to blame for his father, accepted it, and given a man half his age who just lost everything a lifeline, that would have shown an amazing amount of growth. Instead, they left him as immature and cruel. It's a shame and an insult to the potential of his character, and it's a mistake that they repeat again and again. Tony was supposed to be completely against developing weapons for others, but he canonically helped build a major part of Project Insight. Tony's entire stance in Civil War was meant to show that he had accepted that he made mistakes and that he needed to be held accountable for his actions, but then he went and unilaterally built EDITH, whose existence violates multiple international treaties including the Accords and had so few safety precautions that a teenaged boy was able to accidentally call out a missile strike on his teenaged classmate. He's in a movie where he's driven by his guilt for causing the death of someone's college-aged son, and in that same movie he blackmails a high-school-aged boy to join in on a fight he knows nothing about, that goes directly against his interests, and could get him killed even if he was certain that Team Cap wouldn't use lethal force. Rhodey got paralyzed from the waist down from friendly fire. Tony had a moment in the same fight where he had reason to fear that Peter had been injured if not killed.

Ultimately, Tony's entire character is built on a foundation of repentance and growth. That's why he has so much potential and why he's so compelling. The fact that his writers were unable to recognize when he even needed to repent, let alone allow him to grow, was honestly insulting to what he could have been.

Zola:

The reference to Zola is actually more of a response to fandom’s response to Zola as a whole than the actual specific person who made the comment.

Overall, the majority of fandom response that I've seen just seemed to be sort of besides the point? The thing about Armin Zola working for SHIELD is that I personally have only seen discussion about this in context of talking about how Peggy and Howard are Bad or talking about how steve would feel betrayed when he discovered it. To be honest most of the discourse I’ve seen has just been about hating Peggy Carter and using this as a sledgehammer in that discussion.

It’s not that I disagree with that reading of it—like, I do think Steve felt betrayed by the realization that Zola was recruited in the end, and I think it’s bad to have recruited literal Nazis—but I do think that fandom elevated the most tangential point of it to the detriment of its entire narrative purpose. I've only ever personally seen it used in character discourse and shipping wars--which like, anyone can draw on any plot point they so choose while participating in fandom. But Zola's recruitment was the thematic core of Winter Soldier, and it always seemed kinda weird to me that it was treated as a personal defect in Howard and Peggy when it was the entire argument of the movie and one of the best social commentaries that the MCU ever made.

Zola gives what I think is one of the better MCU villain speeches in the bunker about how Hydra recovered after the war. He states that they realized that taking the freedom of the world by force only galvanised people against them. It led to their own downfall. But he explains that Hydra realized that the people of the world would freely give away their own rights and freedoms if you made them comfortable. If you say you’re doing it for their own safety and comfort, then they’ll effectively look the other way while Hydra seizes control of the world. And that entire monologue is bolstered by the fact that that is exactly what happened in Zola’s case.

Zola was brought into SHIELD as a part of operation paperclip. Operation Paperclip was a post-war initiative by the United States government to recruit key Nazi scientists into United States scientific development. This entire initiative was brought about in response to the Cold War arm’s race and it was justified on the basis of dire national security need. Both America and the Soviet Union were EXTREMELY CONCERNED about losing the cold war. As a result, they were willing to take pretty much any strategic advantage they could, including After, President Truman, who gave the final go-ahead for the initiative, said that "this had to be done and was done."

Even after it became public knowledge, it was defended as more of a necessary evil and the cost of the practicalities of governance than a world power welcoming war criminals with open arms. Multiple participants have been linked to human experimentation, slave labor factories, etc, though none were ever formally found guilty of anything--which may be because the US aggressively whitewashed their pasts and then went so far as to help relocate one of the members of the initiative to Argentina.

This was, again, all a part of the Cold War arms race with the USSR--who had an identical program going at the same time, Operation Osoaviakhim.

En arguendo, let's just assume that all of this was done with the best possible intentions and execution. The nominal rationale was the Cold War. While analyzing the Red Scare and the entire Cold War period would take way too long, I think a solid premise we can agree on is that nuclear war is bad. It would have been disastrous for anyone alive if the Cold War had escalated, and recruiting top scientists from the Nazi regime 1) kept the USSR from doing it instead, which they were actively doing, and 2) helped prevent strategic advantage in one country or another that may have led to an escalation. Now, I'm not a historian, and all of these premises can naturally be debated, but these were the like, best faith premises that world leaders had at the time. If you want a nuclear deterrent, you need the biggest stick.

The thing is that, if you assume these premises as genuine for the sake of the argument, the absolute best this leaves you with is doing a very bad thing for a very important government purpose. You're supposedly preventing nuclear war, but you're doing so at the cost of justice for all the people who suffered at the hands of these people, and the risk of future harm that they may cause.

Which, thematically, is the core of the Winter Soldier.

I've usually seen Zola's recruitment discussed in terms of Peggy or Howard making the decision to let him in, when in reality, they probably didn't make the call themselves so much as become complicit in it later. Zola was captured and recruited right at the end of CA:FA (he later clocks this at 1945) but Peggy and Howard didn't even have an organization at that point, let alone the power to recruit a head Nazi scientist. This was two decades before SHIELD was ever founded, and if we take the Agent Carter series as binding canon, at the time of Zola's transition into American government would, Peggy had so little sway that she couldn't even get anyone to listen to her, let alone recruit a nazi scientist, and Howard was potentially on the run and definitely not involved in any formal governmental decision making. Even if you assume that they were somehow in charge of a government agency at the time of Zola's recruitment, the actual recruitment and function of Operation Paperclip was conducted by independent agencies (Joint Intelligence Objectives Agency and the Counterintelligence Corps) that Peggy and Howard weren't a part of, and the person who made the call for Operation Paperclip itself was The Literal President Of The United States. Whatever way you cut it, Peggy and Howard probably had nothing to do with Zola's initial recruitment--what most likely happened was that two decades passed (the time between Zola's recruitment and SHIELD's founding) and when resources were being allocated some big-shot in the overseeing body was like Yeah You Do Weird Stuff? We Got A Guy Who's Been Doing Weird Stuff For Us For Like Twenty Years and then when Peggy and Howard saw him they were like Oh Its This Motherfucker.

To be clear, this is not at all to absolve howard and peggy for working with a guy they knew did literal human experimentation because he did it on one of their best friends. But this is to more clearly reframe it from Decision They Personally Made to The Ways Being At A Certain Level Of Government Makes You Complicit With Horrible Things, which perfectly encapsulates the heart of the movie.

At the open of the movie, Steve is visibly on a fucking ledge with SHIELD. Fuck, Fury and Nat spend most of the opening trying to keep him from flying the coop. And it's because Steve for the very first time has to grapple with the consequences of being an active participant in a governmental body.

Straight up--Steve spent the entire war going AWOL. His entire military career was spent doing what he wanted and flipping his superior officers the bird. The man was a terrible fucking soldier but by the time anyone figured it out they had already given him a comic book and the Medal of Honor and the man could bench press a tank it was simply too late. Then, he got encased in ice for 70 years, woke up, had two weeks of fun future integration activities like Not Getting Therapy For His Problems and Looking At Pictures Of His Dead Friends, got tapped in because they fucked up with the exact thing he lost everything to stop, immediately went AWOL again, almost died again, went on a roadtrip of self discovery, and at some point between then and CAWS started working as one of the main STRIKE members of SHIELD. This is likely his first time having to ever deal with the realities of being a hand of the government.

One of the most insidious things about high-level government work is there's rarely some Main Guy sitting behind a desk signing Evil Decrees and responsible for everything. Power is allocated and things get messy very quickly.

Take Ghost for example. One of SHIELD'S Main Guys falls out with another Guy, smears his name, which makes the Ex-Guy so desperate that he takes unnecessary risks in his experiments that predictably blow up in his face and leads to his young daughter having a debilitating power that results in her uncontrollably phasing through objects. Another Guy tries to do the right thing and help her, but Other Main Guys think "This kid would make a GREAT assassin" and leverage a cure for her debilitating health condition into turning her into a forced operative. This health condition starts to kill her, but the Main Guys were so happy with their new forced assassin that they never looked for a cure to begin with and was going to use her until she died. She goes rather reasonably goes AWOL, and in her attempts to cure herself, she's willing to do just about anything to get cured, and including contemplating kidnapping Scott's daughter as an option.

Steve obviously wasn't called in to help with that (he was AWOL himself at that point) but assume he was--he would only get pulled into this mess at the very end when all the damage is done and there's a highly unstable assassin kidnapping little girls. SHIELD was at fault for every horrible thing that happened to this person. He has a strong sense of justice, and he'd likely to be furious to find out that SHIELD took an orphanged child and abused their incredibly painful and terminal medical condition, which was indirectly caused by them, in order to force them into becoming a highly skilled operative.

But there isn't just one person that he'd be able to find and blame for what happened with this--culpability was stretched out over Multiple Main Guys who made bad decisions, a lot of Lower Guys who built the suit, trained her, handled her in the field, and experimented on her to learn her limits, many of whom likely didn't even work for the organization any more.

Who do you go after for that? The Main Guy who smeared her dad? But he didn't have anything to do with the assassin business or the actual accident. The Main Guys who made the calls for the assassination thing? Better candidates, but is it that simple? What about the guys who just get orders every day and have no decision making authority, who were handed a little girl who was vulnerable and in pain and told to train her to kill? What about the ones making a child-sized tactical suit with no details about what was going on but who had reason enough to suspect it wasn't all good? They were just following orders, but so were Nazis working the camps.

How do you go after people for that? Fire them? It's been decades. Most are probably retired. And that's a pretty lame punishment for what they did. He doesn't make the calls for legal action, they definitely have qualified immunity for their decisions, and there's a whole host of problems with proving anything.

But, on the flip side, what does he do about Ghost? what happened to her is terrible, but if she had kidnapped Cassie Lang, he couldn't exactly sit on his hands and let it happen no matter the justification. There's a very good chance he has to stop her and become another link in a chain of what's been a lifetime of abuse. Things get messy when you're just a cog in the machine of a sprawling agency that has a lot of power to abuse.

While we don't know what Steve's been doing while he worked for SHIELD, we do know that it pissed him off to high heavens. The very first thing we see him doing for SHIELD is recapturing the off-course Lemurian Star from pirates, and he is the exact opposite of a dutiful soldier during it. He doesn't just salute and follow his orders without question--one of the first lines of his mouth is calling them out for lying about the ship being in those waters because it was off-course. He's like "Oh, so it's not off course, it's trespassing" to which Nat says "I'm sure they had a good reason" and Steve replies "I'm getting a little tired of being Fury's janitor."

He's saving the hostages, and then all of a sudden he finds Natasha in the control room downloading the drive and realizes that this was about SHIELD's data to begin with but no one clued him in on that fact. He's pissed because the hostages could have died, which is a fact he immediately goes after Fury about.

There is so much character jammed into those few minutes of screen time. This is visibly an old argument--at one point, Fury says to him "It's damn near getting past time for you to get with the program, Cap" to which Steve tells him not to hold his breath. Steve doesn't like or approve of a lot of SHIELD's actions, but he's called in after all the bad things they did went to shit. Like, what's he going to do--say, sorry, the Lemurian Star was obviously Up To Some Shit that I don't want to be a part of, RIP to the hostages but I'm just going to let them get shot in the head? He's the janitor and he's sick of getting called into SHIELD fucking something up through their own immoral actions and calling him to pull their ass out of the fire. He spends the entire first half of the movie on the verge of flying the coop entirely, and Nat and Fury visibly know it and are trying to get him off the ledge in every interaction they have on screen with him--which directly contributes to the fact that Steve doesn't trust either of them for the first half of the movie.

It also is likely the motivator behind why he does ultimately trust Sam. Steve spends the first half of the movie getting Managed. He's increasingly pissed and distrustful of SHIELD and its agents, and he's got good reason to be--Nat and Fury hide things from him and keep trying to persuade him to stick with the program (to be clear Nat's (and to a somewhat lesser extent Fury's) own actions and whether any culpability for things like project insight could possibly be imputed to her has to be analyzed under an entirely different lens due to the difference in her personal history and character type, but this is already way too long to tackle that here. this isn't actually meant to assign blame to her, but more to analyze the likely results on steve). Fury takes him for a tour of his Fascist Death Machine and tells him that's what the world needs. The neighbor he was growing increasingly intimate with was a SHIELD agent who lied to him about her name and the fact that she was spying on him. At the end of the day, the majority of the of the early movie is spent with his desires and principles are treated as secondary and unwanted complications to the fact that they really need him to keep throwing that shield on SHIELD's behalf (whether this is actually what nat and fury specifically are trying to do is, again, a separate analysis we don't have time for, this is just to go to how it likely affects and appears to Steve).

Sam, meanwhile, is beautiful and charming is the only one who openly expresses a genuine concern for Steve as a person and not steve as a solider. Sam spends the entire first half of the movie reaching out to someone in a position he's been in himself and trying to get him help. his entire first meeting with Steve is defined by him trying to help a fellow Vet recover from war. he tries to gauge where Steve's at with the future, invites him to the VA, and packages it in a easily-seen-through excuse that gives them both plausible deniability--Steve can come by and get the help he needs not as Captain America The Man The Myth The Legend Who Is Really Fucking Struggling, but as Steve the guy helping Sam impress the girl at the front desk.

When he comes to the VA, Sam has the direct opposite response that everyone else in the movie has to Steve questioning his place in SHIELD and in government work--he's like "Quit. Quit now. Be free and beautiful like me. become an ultimate fighter or whatever the fuck you want." He doesn't give two shits about what the world will do without Captain America keeping it safe--he just cares about what Steve needs.

This all goes to a greater analysis about how Sam is beautiful and charming the perfect parallel to Steve, the only one who could possibly have taken up his shield, and actually wrong in that line he says about how he does what Steve does but slower because he consistently decides to do the right thing before Steve is another analysis that would go too far off the point to get into. The point being is that Sam exists in the narrative as the direct opposite and alternative to the reality fury and nat offers Steve. Steve spends the beginning of the movie with Nat and Fury seemingly sacrificing the means for the end, but there's Sam, beautiful and charming someone who made the same decision he's now faced with, being like "fuck it. sometimes you have to walk."

Steve's entire struggle about his position with SHIELD reaches its climax when he first finds out the truth of Project Insight.

For the avoidance of any doubt, SHIELD secretly being infiltrated by HYDRA has no effect on how wrong Project Insight was from the start--it just emphasized how horrifically wrong it could go. But "Space Super Death Weapon That Can Immediately Kill Dangers To National Security" is a bad idea no matter who is in charge of it. First off, Steve is right--punishment follows the crime. No government has a crystal fucking ball and anyone who justifies things on the basis of "taking out threats ahead of time" is talking out their ass. to be clear, i'm not saying you need to wait for someone to be on a plane and flying at the twin towers to stop a terrorist attack--in law, we have a designated level of "closeness" that lets us say "yeah you were totally actually doing what we don't want you doing" at which point you can charge them with attempt, and often a lot of the earlier steps leading up to the Big Harmful Thing are actual crimes you can intervene with.

Project Insight was the flagship of of a "quantum surge in threat analysis." It did exactly what it was designed to do: it took out threats before they became threats. The only difference between SHIELD being at the helm and HYDRA is who gets defined as a threat. HYDRA would have defined that as anyone from a high school valedictorian in Iowa to Stephen Strange, but it's not any better if SHIELD's defining that as some random kid in Afghanistan who shows whatever traits show a risk for one day becoming a combatant.

And yet, steve's the only one in the movie who says this. We don't actually know how much Nat knows about Project insight itself, but Fury is fully aware and a participant in it, and Tony Stark apparently took one look at the thing and said "your engines are shit. i'll improve them." Steve takes one look at them and calls it fascist bullshit.

At the end of the day, you can never justify shit like this under the assumption that the people controlling it will use it for the best, because you cannot trust the people controlling it. Yeah, Project Insight was probably pitched with being used against the worst threats. Dangers to public safety, terrorists, that kind of thing. Do you want to know who else was considered a danger to public safety? MLK, who the FBI fucking murdered. The people who define threats to national security are the ones who have the same incentive to maintain the status quo in an unjust world. Even if we assume Project Insight was made to stop the next 9/11, we also have to assume that at least some of the strikes it would have carried out under not-HYDRA control would have been for the wrong reasons.

What the fuck does all of this this have to do with Zola?

Operation Paperclip and Peggy and Howard's decisions within it directly mirrors Project Insight and Fury's decisions within it, directly mirrors Steve's journey and central conflict over the course of the film, and directly contrasts with the alternative Sam poses within it.

CA:WS at its thematic core, says that initiatives that sacrifice justice for claims of national security and public safety are exactly what robs us of our rights and freedoms and ultimately endangers us all. It's not even subtle--Zola says it out loud in his evil villain speech. but operating at a high level in a government agency puts you in a position where you're meant to make that decision again and again, even if we assume you have the best of intentions.

Peggy and Howard were people who believed that they had to make the hard decisions to save the world. They were handed a decision where perception of culpability was obscured by how distributed out the blame was, and the direct public benefit to national security was posed to be overwhelmingly good. It leads to SHIELD's infiltration. Project Insight went through on the exact same reasoning. Fury, Maria Hill, possibly Nat, and Tony (off-screen) all do the exact same thing and justify the means by the end, and it leads to the helicarriers being made.

Steve spends the movie being told, explicitly, to "get with the program" and start making the same decisions. His central conflict is being someone on the inside of this club, being told that he needs to start understand what keeping the world safe demands, and his journey leads to him refusing to do it. The climax of the movie is a character so minor that we never learn his name refusing to launch the helicarriers with a gun pointed at his head, even though the complicity he carried in it would have been just as attenuated as Steve's was as SHIELD's janitor. And all throughout it, there's Sam, someone who left the military explicitly because he couldn't follow the rules he was being given anymore.

Peggy and Howard's decision to go along with Zola in Operation Paperclip is a direct parallel of the decisions Fury made with Project Insight and the decisions Steve ultimately refuses to make himself. Making Peggy and Howard complicit in what let in Arnim Zola encapsulates the entire core argument of CA:WS and it's so weird to me that I've only ever seen it discussed in shipping wars and discourse as to whether a Character Is Bad.

Peggy and Howard, ultimately, were members of a governmental task force who made the Hard Decisions for The Public Good. As an inherent part of that role, they did bad things. Unjust things. They undoubtedly saved the world multiple times over as a part of their tenure as the head of SHIELD, but it would be absolute naivety to assume that anyone in that position didn't become complicit in terrible fucking things. It's the direct product of their positions in the government, and it's exactly what leads to Steve's position in Civil War. it is absolutely bonkers to me how people watched Winter Solider and then reacted to Steve's opposition to the Accords like Local Imperialist Military Boy Refuses To Listen To Anyone Else. Steve just had a masterclass in how people in the government make decisions that sacrifice justice up to and including people he once trusted with his life. Of course he didn't fucking trust General Human Experimentation And I Consider Bruce Banner The Property Of The United States Military with his every action as Captain America. He had just learned that he couldn't even trust Peggy and Howard with it.

#this became very long #and you know what #if i want to say the same thing in the tags of some unsuspecting person's post then that's my right #more tags when #more tags NOW

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realm9-444 · 4 days

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rubs hands together. sorry for staying on anon i’m just so mysterious but can i ask if you have any headcanons (pinkfrank wise / just for the show + character in general…) i think your mind is like really big i want to hear more… teehee

THATS OK ANON KEEP UR SECRETS!! i’m so so so glad you want to hear my thoughts because i have a billionOf them. but here is some :3

- I think it’s kinda canon already but. after everything that has happened Francis suffers really badly from nightmares and just general nighttime anxiety that really affects his sleep.

Whenever he wakes up from a bad one he’ll have to check to make sure all his friends are still with him and will go through the entire apartment to make sure some fucked up entity didn’t appear in their bathtub again.

If it’s really bad, he’ll even go outside and pace the block of their apartment, maybe he’ll check the rooftop too, just to be safe.

Pink Guy also definitely suffers some separation anxiety. i mean. think of all the times he’s been separated from Francis cuz of some other entity that’s way stronger than he is. Sure, Francis is strong too and he’ll be back, but when? and how long?

The only thing that comforts them both is sleeping with each other. having the other physically close to them is the only thing that reassures them enough to have a deep sleep + who the hell doesn’t like cuddling. francis always sleeps on his back with pink wrapped around him.

- Francis asked Pink to roast him once and he ended up crying in the shower.

- The reason Francis doesn’t know how Pink even makes his albums is because JOJI HELPS HIM!! i feel so strongly abt this. I imagine Pink feeling the need to sneak out at night just to go with George and record his music LMFAO

- FRANCIS IS VERY JEALOUS WHEN HE FINDS OUT And in general is insecure/jealous/overprotective over pink . he will never own up to it. ( this is kind of canon already remember when he caught them in the bathroom recording together and was immediately offended . “You didn’t invite me! 🙄” yea . )

- !!!When the whole house gets bored of sitting around at the apartment Francis will just take everyone to a really pretty realm and they just hang out there for the day :) they all know they’re really lucky to have a friend like Francis ^_^

- When francis was banished it was probably the worst time of Pinks life. he was just stuck at the apartment with a man who looks and sounds exactly like his best friend, but at the same time is nothing like him, in fact hes Worse than him. Made even worse by the fact that sal and safari were out looking for francis, so he truly was all alone with fake. I imagine him spending most of his time either moping around in the bathroom or desperately in some other realm looking for francis :(

- if fake was ever taken in by francis and the rest of the gang after getting left by chin chin, it’d take the longest for pink to get used to him. honestly i don’t think he’d ever really get along him after he was the one that was stuck alone with him for so long. poor pink went crazy cuz of him. definitely a love hate relationship between those two

#inbox #yay pinkfrank forever and ever 100 years #i’d put more but it was getting pretty wordy #feel free to ask me this kind of stuff!!its soooo fun

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fairycosmos · 1 year

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i love you chloe i do, and i think you're very aware of the privileges you have been afforded (being white, living in a relatively secure country, food and shelter) but let's be real living under capitalism in this political landscape and the nhs doing fuckall to help people with their mental health issues and in general the cost of living crisis..... it's okay to say you're not doing well even if you have some of your basic needs met idk if this sounds rude but to me it's honestly no surprise most of us are not doing well... look around us, how could we be doing well given the circumstances of modern life. and even if you were well situated and doing well, there's also the grappling with imperalism and neo-colonialism, plus the exploitation in the workforce happening in our own countries right in front of our eyes

dw it doesn't sound rude at all!! and like ur objectively right, there's no point in playing the pain olympics with my own struggles - i rarely used to do it. i used to think: well the shit im going through is still rough so i don't need to factor in that other people have it worse when considering my own trauma. but the older i get the more it sinks in that compared to most human existences the world has ever seen, mine has been a generally comfortable and uneventful one despite the grief. ive always had food and water and a home and an education and modern conveniences and (relative) freedom a day decent physical health and certain privileges, and they're such important things that have always just been right there for me to access, out of pure luck, not even bc i am more deserving of them than those who have no access to these necessities - and i still never feel good. i still lose my mind all the time and cry basically every day and can't manage to overcome my own pain and loss and mental illness and contempt for the way society is set up. sometimes i just think to myself, if spirits are somehow real, they must look at me and see the weakest most pitiful creature ever lmfao. whew anyway i do completely get and understand your point, and i agree, despite my complicated personal emotions on the topic. i know the present moment has its own legitimate and terrible challenges, and they just seem to get worse by the day, and we probably really r in a special kind of hell when it comes to the progression of late stage capitalism. and just because our urgent needs are currently being met (and who knows how long we can keep that up, like you said, cost of living crisis etc...), doesn't mean our emotional ones are, which can still be debilitating. thats what i would tell anyone else struggling with this feeling, so i get you. i don't know, it's just so hard to cope sometimes. it's so bizarre to feel utterly depressed and slightly lucky at the same time. anyway, thank you for being a friend and a validating voice that i needed to hear. i really appreciate it. love u love u love u ❤️

#anon

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girlbob-boypants · 10 months

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1 8 9 24 25 🔥🔥🔥🔥

ALRIIIIIGHT let's do this. You didn't specify what so I'll. find something after I copy in the questions and see what i'm dealing with

hm. uh. let's just do 14.

Oh thats a lot of ranting oh. Um. So my rants for this game always get heavier than I expect due to the nature of this game SO

Cw for discussions abuse, racism, and misogyny.

wow it's just like complaining about the DA fandom

1 - The character everyone gets wrong

Honestly? It's Emmy Sulk himself. (Disclaimer that I can only speak through my experiences with the English translation which is known for being either spot on or way off but afaik the main story is better about this)

But his is to the point where even the writing gets him wrong in his second expac imo. Like core parts of his original presentation were that 1. He really loves being dramatic and has a sense of humor and 2. Every aspect of him has been embittered by the loss of his people. His humor is fleeting and spiteful. His view of the world is downright spiteful. This is so important to understand. Emet was not always grouchy and mean, even if he was once serious. And it's no secret even in shadowbringers. He does things out of pity and compassion for the group cause we've amused him. He says this is boring and leaves when we're held hostage. He says he does not view mortals as real people yet his mind palace views us as children rather than the man made creatures of his time.

And people took this and turned it into "oh he's a secretly nice grouch. Teehee he's mister grumpy pants" and ew ran with that and completely fucking NUKED his character in favor of fanon. We didn't even need to see what he was like back when his people were alive but if we were going to, don't tell me that the complete destruction of his people only slightly tweaked his personality. And don't turn his sharp witted best friend into a twink who's only personality trait is "Emmy is actually a good guy I promise". And to have Emmy say he thinks his cause was better but we won so he's putting his faith in us feels so. "Yeah even after getting all his memories back and seeing us in action he still maintains that creating fascist nations with creatures he viewed as subhuman was a good idea but he's your friend now so he supports you."

Literally the worst character arc ever. Imagine taking the "this villain was once kind but lost their way and became cruel and hateful" trope and reversing it into a redemption arc where the entire redemption is "yeah he's always been exactly like this but in another life you were friends so it's okay you can't hate him for what he did to your world"

8 - Common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Okay I wrote an entire rant about a character and then realized there's an even worse opinion i hate more so. I'm keeping it cause everything I said is so true but this one is even more important.

Okay so a known fact among 14 fans who can read is that the Xaela au ra are meant to be Mongolian coded. It's not subtle. However it's also incredibly mean spirited. And the worst fandom opinion is that the shitty ways a Japanese studio chose to mock Mongolian culture(s) are funny. There's tribes with beliefs that are, honestly, perfectly normal things clearly being played up for laughs and the fans just clap and jeer along???

Basically the fandom opinion is "SE were so funny for how they wrote the Xaela" when actually it was racism.

Anyone who thinks Thancred is a good father, show me the receipts. Seriously the guy is downright abusive at some points and even if his emotions about it all are fair, his actions aren't. He treats Minifilia just like all of her other captives have, all while projecting his feelings about the last person he failed to protect onto her. And while it makes for a good character arc, she never gets to call him out on it and he never talks to her about it. In fact, instead of talking to her, we get some random Manpain Deadwife dude who vents about his life despite literally not mattering to the plot. And this is somehow more influential to Thancred realizing he should be better than talking to Minifilia is. Even when Minifilia expresses guilt that her being alive means Thancred will never see the person he misses more.

And as touching as their scene is when he gives her a new name that's all her own after he almost died for her is. It's not admission or apology. Minifilia deserved to have him say sorry and to say he was terrified of losing her and almost pushed her away trying to keep her safe.

BUT UNFORTUNATELY HE SUCKS SHIT AS A FATHER AND IM ADOPTING HIS CHILD AND HITTING HIM WITH A DIVORCE (never married)

9 - Worst part of canon

Just like. All of Stormblood? Worst villains, worst coding, worst character development for half the cast. Zenos is literally the epitome of the colonizer nation he's the prince of but the writing goes "noooo he doesn't care about any of that he's just power hungry so there's no commentary!! Him using a Japanese weapon he obtained by murdering and pillaging isn't commentary. Him beating and experimenting on women from colonized nations isn't commentary cause he's not doing it with those motivations!!"

I've spoken a lot about how much I hate every part of this expac. It does nothing well and leads to one of the worst villains everyone obsesses over for being a little silly despite adding nothing to the story and just being a dps check and a voice box in a cardboard cutout.

24 - topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

Yotsuyu. Oh SE made one of their villains a Korean comfort woman? Quick, we better talk about how misogynistic this one character is for not killing all brothel owners everywhere even though those people still being alive means Yotsuyu never used the immense power she had as ruler to hunt them down. She had plenty of time to commit ethnic cleanses tho. Weird how that never gets brought up. Why do people criticize this game like it's a real world and the character are all acting of their own accord and not the product of real people from our world writing things?

25 - common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

ANYONE WHO WANTS ZENOS BACK NO THE FUCK YOU DONT STOP COMPLAINING THAT THE WRITERS FINALLY HAD A WOMAN ADDRESS HOW TERRIBLY HE TREATS EVERYONE WOMAN IN HIS CONTROL I SWEAR TO FUCK WHY DO SO MANY OF YOU THINK ZERO IS A MEAN BITCH FOR SAYING THE STALKER SERIAL KILLER WAS A BAD PERSON

#girlbob.txt #ff14 #if you need me to remove the strike throughs let me know btw #while im using them for comedic effect if they affect your ability to read everything ill remove it

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angelbaby-fics · 2 months

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Hiii hun

I just want to ask when u are opening ur request bc u said that u would open them in janurary or februrary

Please dont feel stressed by me now, take ur time <3

i still dont know 💔

i’m gonna use this to write out my thoughts real quickly just to help me think it all out but dont worry i’m not stressed or upset by this message 💕

its just really tricky for me because like i wanna write everything!! and not just because i love my followers and i want to make you guys happy & engage with everyone all the time but also because they’re really great requests!! and i feel so honored to be trusted to bring them to life!!

but then i get so strict with myself, i want to do them all in order so its fair for everybody who requested them, and i dont want to take on new requests until i finish the ones i already have, but then i just end up digging myself into a hole where writing has now become an obligation with a deadline & it just absolutely drains all of the motivation out of me when i approach it that way 😭

i always feel so nervous when i open requests again because on top of feeling guilty for everything that i never got around to writing, i also know that i probably wont be able to fulfill all of the new requests either, and in my brain it gets twisted all around & instead of feeling grateful for all the people who appreciate my work & have ideas for more, my brain just focuses on the future theoretical disappointed people who’s requests i’ll inevitably end up not fulfilling instead of focussing on all the stuff i HAVE been able to and WILL be able to write

and its crazy too because i request from other authors all the time (usually on anon hehe!) and sometimes my requests get written & other times they don’t & i’ve never EVER been upset or frustrated or impatient for it!! and even if others do get upset with me, i have to know that its just not my responsibility to keep everyone on tumblr happy 😅 and if anyone is mean to me, i’ll sic bucky on them 🦾😤

sometimes i forget that this is my PASSION & i start to let it stress me out even worse than my day job which is just silly 😅 i’m a freelance gig-based employee and a full-time disabled adult!! i need to remember that writing requests are not final exams that my life depends on getting a perfect score on 😌💕

idk… all this to say i guess i’ll probably open requests again soon 😅 with this new warning i guess you can call it that not everything can & will be written & thats ok! also never say never! i still go through my old requests from years ago & work on bits of them so you never know!!

i honestly think without putting pressure on myself, it’ll come easier to me, like the way i used to approach fic writing when i had less than 100 followers and i was writing 2 fics per day sometimes (side note there are nearly TWO THOUSAND of you guys now?? oh my gosh???)

ok sorry this is super long!!!! i love y’all & everything is okay 😁💕

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trainer--mimico · 6 months

Text

Risetober 2023 Day 24: Meat Sweats

I apologize for the delay. There has been some things in my personal life. I really needed to focus on that before I could continue this. It's all good now, and I will be working on getting caught back up with risetober.

Blue's Journal

Purple has been acting strangely. Well he is a Donatello so I guess not too strangely.

He has locked himself in his lab and will not let any of us in. Donnie did something similar, but he wasn't as manic as Purple is about it.

Purple has locked the doors and hisses at anyone who tries to get in. He keeps saying that he is working on something, that it's a surprise, or my genius is not ready to be seen.

Red has been anxiously pacing around the lab doors. He has been grabbing onto anyone who gets to close and starts to out mother mother hens.

I swear Red is worse than Leo when it comes to mother henning, and that's saying something. Never thought Leo would be out mother henned.

This just means that me and Orange have been hanging out more and avoiding the wrath of Purple and the mother henning of Red.

The two of us have mostly just been hanging out in his room, the kitchen, or the living room. Well we hang out in the living room if Red isn't anxiously pacing around in there.

Today we where watching one of Oranges favorite cooking shows while cooking along. I honestly don't care for the show myself. It makes my skin crawl when the chef yells at or insults the contestants. It reminds me of training with Shredder sometimes.

The show is called Condescending Kitchen. The host, Rupert Swaggart, is a piece of work. Orange swears by his recipes though.

Today's show was showing us how to make the perfect pork risotto. Orange was on cooking duty while I was in charge of prepping and assisting.

During the show, when Swaggart was yelling and smacking at one of the contestants with a pork loin, I noticed one if the oozequitoes from Draxums lab. Orange noticed it too when it bit his idol.

Just like that, in front of use and hundreds of other, Rupert Swaggart mutated.

It was just as horrific to watch as it was when we saw the delivery guy mutate in Draxum's lab. His body broke apart and rebuilt itself on live television this time. So many people saw it.

I have no idea what's going to happen now. The people of this world seem more accepting or blind to these things than the one I am use to, but this is right there. It is impossible to hide or explain away.

Things are going to get harder. The government is going to get involved and we are going to be hunted. This is so not good.

I thought Orange agreed with me. He seemed shocked and devastated that this happened. Then the timer on his risotto went off and everything that just happened was forgotten.

We just watched his idol mutate on live television. If the government doesn't get involved then with Swaggarts personality he is most definitely going to become a villain. Either way the fall out is going to effect us.

It seems Orange has completely forgotten this has happened. He saved his risotto and is working on the other dishes like nothing happened.

You know what thats fine. My brothers are innocent to the world. I want them to stay innocent for as long as possible. If Swaggart does show up again, or if the government comes around, I will take care of it. I will do everything to protect them.

I don't think I will tell the others. They might not thing it's a big deal. After all they tend to ignore a lot of safety precautions when going out. Then again this world is also safer to go out in then what I'm use to.

No it's better if I just keep it to myself for now. I don't want them to think I'm more paranoid than they already think I am. I don't want them to think I'm to much of a burden.

If something happens I will take care of it. If this comes up as an issue I will tell them. Until then I will just have to be cautious and keep a look out.

The risotto was delicious by the way. Orange was right. Swaggart is a jerk who makes my skin craw, but his recipe's are really good.

Day 23/ Day 25

Master Post

Part 1

AO3

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weabooweedwitch · 1 year

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I say this as someone who's followed you for years and with as much kindness as possible:

Get the fuck away from your mother. Ditch her fuckin ass. She's repeatedly making things worse and refuses to learn. You need to get away from her, for your own good.

I know I might be repeating what other people have said, or even what you have thought of doing, but holy shit this bitch is actively ruining your life through sheer stupidity.

I hope things get better

I feel bad that people have to keep giving me this kind of advice because I realize it's the most obvious answer, and there are multiple reasons separating from my mother would be good for us both. I feel bad that i keep sharing all these worrying stories and worrying people and then at the end of the day, I'm way too scared to actually try and fix things. I just worry so much about not being able to take care of myself, not being able to drive, what if I go somewhere and it's harder if not impossible for me to get to work, just. I worry about everything. Honestly the thing that worries me the most is keeping my job or not being able to transfer if I went somewhere else. My wage is currently $19 an hour, my 58 yo mom was making $22, so like, I'm helping hold it all together with rent BECAUSE of that income. I'm so scared of losing that.

I've had people ask if there's any family I can go to and the only possible option would be maybe my father who is in another state, I cannot remember if it is in Illinois or Missouri (ugh, they may have passed recreational weed but thats the only good thing thats came outta thar state in like the last 2 decades). And I don't know if that would be good either. But it's an option I'm beginning to consider. But I am sort of still in the reconnecting process with my dad and we've butted heads a few times and he also has his own physical and emotional issues. Actually I think he is where I inherited a lot of mental illness from because he also has an anxiety disorder and we are almost positive he has equinus like me. He also has developed type 2 diabetes and I am really bad with sugar impulse control, what if I hurt my dad because I can't stop bringing sweets into the house and he eats them too 🥺

It just. Personally makes me hate myself to even think of "hiya pops, we've barely spoken in the last 10 years, I've been really ahitty about talking to you consistently since we've said hi again and lost my temper with you a few times, hey I know you're on a fixed income and out of a job right now (or was, maybe he has one now, we've spoken so little idk) but is it OK if I come live in your house as a whiny codependent barely functioning weed addict of an adult?" 😅

But yeah I just. This is really. It just never ends. I keep fighting myself and beating myself up on "who's right, am I right, am I wrong, am I overreacting, whats going on, what do I do, someone tell me what to do because I'm too stupid to do things right" and it's just. I also still love my mother even if that love is being increasingly mixed with resentment. I worry about her ability to take care of herself because her health is getting worse and, like, I worry about her mentally a lot. Like this tooth infection she has, is because she doesn't have the best dental hygiene, and had fillings and such, and even after needing fillings still takes shit care of her teeth, and was putting off getting like broken teeth and such taken care of, and, they're now having to pull SEVEN of her back teeth. She'll need dentures to eat certain foods now. And I'm not better, I basically stopped brushing my teeth for many years because I literally expected to be dead before they rotted out of my mouth and now I'm scrambling to adopt that routine again, and also like.

Sorry but my mom and a dentist literally lied to me when i was a little girl and said i had several cavities because they thought i would be scared into brushing my teeth and all that did was convince me everything was pointless and needed to give up since it was already damaged, and she refuses to apologize or even acknowledge how that literally helped me develop a complex and felt helpless when SHE LIED TO ME, A CHILD, HER CHILD (and also i think my difficulty keeping routines is a combination just needing to apply myself and having adhd issue because like, I've been pretty good with my skincare at least)

I just. I love her but I hate her. If I'm not careful to keep myself calm I'm going to escalate to the physical level. And to be honest I've had the opinion for many years that, all those times my mom told extremely age inappropriate stories to little tiny baby Miranda about her experiences with assault and domestic violence, even as a kid I would think, "well you like don't listen, you shut people down, you insist youre always right, I want to hit you all the time too, maybe it wasn't them but maybe you got yourself hit by constantly pushing everyone around you to their breaking point" like clearly that's not a healthy thought to have and I. I am kind of convinced at this point that almost every single bad thing that had ever happened to this woman was her own fault in some way shape or form. But you could also say that about me

What's scary is that I can't even think of going anywhere without having savings first and I'm constantly being pushed to my limits to the point I don't HAVE any savings, it's all getting sucked up. I dunno how else I can get out of this pit and I'm just, mentally worn down from any entire life of this. I feel useless and exploited at home and then I go to work and feel useless and exploited at work and by society. Like. Life feels so bleak. My Canadian friend is getting in worse health. I still have a lot of affection for him but he's also uh done and said a few things I really disagree with on personal levels and it, gives me some pause, like. I genuinely am so sad all the time. I need to go back to the psychiatrist to get some medicines again but, I am working and making enough money that after my state insurance expires in October, I'll have to go through my work, and that doesn't 100% cover everything so, j wouldn't be able to afford anything at that point

Just. Ugh. I try to write down my thoughts and listen to music and try to write on my other blog to cheer myself up but I just. What can you do right. What am I good for. What is anyone good for. What is this world itself good for. Our entire species is gonna go extinct with climate change anyways. Why should I keep struggling and suffering like this when it's. Idk. Arguably all for nothing. We'll all be nothing more than just dogs following commands and paying bills until we die

#im just very. im on autopilot. i cant think about hurting myself because the desire is there #and i dont want to think about it to the point i do it #i just keep trying to redirect my thoughts and distract myself #but this sucks. everything sucks. my country sucks. my species sucks. my planet sucks. my skin. my hair. my body. my voice. my age #my arms my legs my eyes my ears my heart my soul my hopes my dreams it all fucking sucks #i just have to keep drinking or smoking and playing phone games until the bad thoughts go away

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