#do I move in to a place by myself or find someone and get a 2 bedroom

[athenamikaelson]

Klaus Mikaelson x Reader!Soulmate x Elijah Mikaelson PART 4

Word Count- 3.1k

Warnings- Swearing, spoilers obi.

My fingers graze the texture of my history textbook. My eyes read through each line. Before I know it I’m at the end of the page, and yet I can’t recall a single sentence I had just “read.” I let out a loud sigh and closed the book, placing it back in place on my desk. Ever since the day I got kidnapped this has been a problem. Without being on edge, I can’t focus on school work, the people around me, or myself. Every time I walk by someone I instantly tense up to the idea of them being something supernatural. I know that Elena has told me everyone in town that she knows is a part of that world but she can’t possibly know when a complete stranger is. 

Worrying about who is supernatural isn’t the only thing that’s been plaguing my thoughts, either. All night I was tossing and turning with the thought of Elijah. Damon and Elena knew as much as I did about how he was still alive. Elena had told me that a vampire could be killed with a wooden stake, and yet it had only affected Elijah temporarily. 

“He’s going to destroy you.”

Kathrine’s words ring in my ears. Stefan had told me not to believe a word she says, but given that these people don’t seem to know what the hell is going on either, I’ve let her words get to me. The look of fear in her eyes at the thought strikes me to my core every time I think back to it. If a vampire that is magically locked up is afraid of this Elijah guy, then I sure as hell will be too. 

I jump slightly in shock as I hear knocking on my door, I untense when I hear my mother’s voice on the other side though. 

“Y/N, you have a friend here to see you,” I stand up and open my door to talk to her but freeze when I see Damon standing behind her. His lips curve up into a smirk and moves his fingers up and down in a wave as he stares at me.

“Your friend Damon here is so kind to drop in to check on you. I had no idea you were feeling under the weather.” 

I glance at my mother and fight the urge to roll my eyes. Although we look so much alike I couldn’t be more different from her. Where I actually take the time to listen to people and try to understand people my mother seems to only care about what benefits her. I’m not surprised at all that she hasn’t noticed my change in attitude these past few days since she never seemed to care before. 

She clears her throat at the silence she gets from me, “Well, I’ll let you talk. I have to be going anyways,” She turns to Damon who fakes a smile at her, “I have a work trip this weekend.”

“Work on the weekends, well that’s no fun,” Damon responds with a flirtatious tone that makes me want to gag. My mother on the other hand turns red.

“No worries, I always find a way to liven things up,” She leans closer to him, “Even though it would be more fun with some company.”

“Mom, you should be going now,” I interrupt before I throw up on both of them. 

My mother nods and says her goodbyes to both of us, mostly Damon, and walks back down the hallway. I let out a sigh of relief but then tense up when I realized that Damon had just entered my room.

“What are you doing here,” I watch as he looks around my small room. After my mother and father’s divorce, my mother wasn’t left with very much money so we had to make do with what we could scrounge up. After moving and divorce costs we left with a tiny 3 bedroom 1 bath single story home here in Mystic Falls. It looks like a shoe box compared to the other houses in this town, but I don’t really care since I plan to move away from here the second I graduate. 

“I need a favor,” Damon says to me as he picks up the stuffed frog I have on my bed and tosses it around in his hands. 

“What kind of favor?”

Damon places the frog back on my bed, “Well, after your and Elena’s little suicide excursion yesterday we’ve magically locked her in her house, and I need you Pukerella to go babysit.” 

I send him a glare at the nickname, “If Elena’s locked in her house why do you need me to babysit her?”

Damon rolls his shoulders and walks towards the door, “I don’t need you to do anything. I want you to go to Elena’s and let me know if she plans on calling the big bad vampire to come sacrifice her.” 

“So you want me to be your spy?”

Damon thinks at the question for a moment before shrugging his shoulders, “Ya, pretty much.”

I shake my head, “I’m not going to spy on my only friend.”

Damon lets out an annoyed groan and pinches the bridge of his nose as if this is the most annoying conversation he’s had, “Fine then you won’t be my spy, you’ll be the babysitter I hired for Elena. There happy? Now come on I got other stuff to do today other than arguing with you, people to go kill and stuff like that you know?”

Damon grabs me by my upper arm and practically drags me out of my room and down the hallway toward the front door. He ignores my yells of anger as he opens the door to his car and pretty much pushes me in. I huff as he speeds over to his side and starts the car.

“Oh and by the way,” I slowly turn my head to glare at him as he starts talking, “You might want to get some vervain for yourself and your family. It was too easy getting your mother to invite me into your quaint home.” 

—-

“We could watch Pretty Woman?” Elena asks Jeremy and I as we sit on the couch. Jeremy lets out a loud groan at the question making Elena laugh.

“Guess not,” She flips through some more channels before she lets out a sound of excitement, “Oh! Grease!” Elena goes to play the movie but Jeremy snatches the remote from her hand.

“No way, not happening. I have seen that movie far too many times because of you and Mom. I’m going to decide.”

It takes Jeremy another 10 minutes to scroll through the channels deciding on a movie. Every time he picks one Elena disagrees and they start arguing over it until they start searching again. This has pretty much been what we’ve been doing for the whole hour in which I’ve been at the Gilbert residence. After Damon kicked me out of his car and drove off I’ve just been listening to the Gilbert siblings argue. It’s not that bad though. Jenna, Jeremy and Elena’s aunt, supplied us with snacks a bunch of snacks before she had to leave for something she had to go do.

“Aha!”

I turn to the TV to see what Jeremy picked and cringe as I see the beginning credits for “The Human Centipede.”

Elena’s sound of disgust mirrors mine as she stands up, “This is no use. Y/N do you just want to go up to my room?” 

I glance at the TV again momentarily and nod my head, “Defiantly.”

—

“You’ve got to read this book I just got,” Elena jumps up from her spot on the floor next to me and goes to her bookshelf, “The romance in it is so steamy and the main male character in it is so hot!” She stops and blushes at what she just said.

“Don’t tell Stefan,” She points at me.

I laugh as I bring my fingers to my lips and pretend to lock them, “You’re secret is safe with me.”

Elena and I had been making small talk until I had mentioned that I liked reading, which caught her attention. She had told me she does too and we began talking about our favorite books and genres. To which we found out we’re both fans of romance, jumpstarting an hour-long discussion. 

Elena sits back down next to me and hands me her book. I strum through the pages.

“I’ll make sure to read it and let you know what I think.”

She nods and looks away as if in thought, “I can’t believe we didn’t become friends earlier. Why is that?” 

Her question has me stirring uncomfortably, “Honestly I’m not that surprised. I’m not that noticeable.” 

This comment has Elena furrowing her eyebrows and shaking her head, “You’re joking right,” At my look of confusion she continues, “Of course I noticed you. I mean when you come to a small town like this it’s hard not to be noticed but what I mean is that I always thought you were cool.”

I can feel my cheeks warm up at her compliment and I glance down at my fingers to hide it.

“You thought I was cool?”

“Ya of course,” She responds instantly, “You’ve got great style and you’ve got this mysterious aura about you. I just never approached you because I thought you didn’t like me.” 

Her confession has me looking up and frowning, “Why would you think that?”

She shrugs her shoulders, “You just kind of sometimes look like you don’t want to be approached by anyone. I just assumed. I’m sorry.”

I shake my head at her apology, “Don’t apologize! And no, I never hated you I always thought you were the cool one. I just think I have that look on my face all the time.”

Elena laughs and smiles at me, “OK, good.”

“Good.”

We’re about to start talking about books again when we hear the front door open.

“Jenna must be home,” Elena says as she stands up and reaches her hand down for me to grab. I grab it and pull myself up and we walk downstairs. 

We turn the corner and we both give each other a look as we see Jenna on the ground rummaging through some boxes. 

“Hey. What are you doing,” Elena questions her Aunt.

“Oh perfect timing,” She grabs a cardboard box and hands it to Elena, and then gives another to me.

“Whoa. Oh. What is this stuff?”

“Your mom’s files from the historical society. I got roped into helping Mrs. Lockwood,” Jenna grabs her box and stands up, “And by roped, I mean very excited to participate.”

I silently laugh as I try to balance the heavy box in my arms, the laughing stops though once Jenna closes the door and I lock eyes with the man who’s been haunting my every waking thought. 

“Hey, I’m Elijah.”

Elena and I stand there frozen as we watch Jenna interact with the vampire. 

“Elijah’s in town doing research on Mystic Falls,” She introduces us not knowing we’ve already had the displeasure of meeting. 

I freeze up and grip the box I’m holding tighter to my chest as Elijah walks closer to us. He quickly greets Elena, skating her hand before turning his full attention onto me. I’m visibly shaking right now and it only worsens as Elijah reaches his hands up and grabs the box from my hands. His fingers grazed mine for longer than needed. 

“Here let me take this,” He places the box back down and reaches his hand up to me in greeting. 

We both stand there looking at each other for what seems like forever as he waits for me to shake his hand.

“I don’t like being touched,” I blurt out. Elijah slowly lowers his hand and I might be mistaken but from the look on his face, he almost appeared saddened by that. 

Jenna joins us again telling Elijah that he can stay here and rummage through the boxes, to which he turns down. I try to find the wall behind Elena interesting to keep my line of sight away from the vampire, but I can still sense him staring at me. After another moment he tells Jenna he’s going to have someone pick up the boxes tomorrow and bids Jenna and Elena a farewell. I almost think he’s left us but when I look back over I find that Elijah has moved even closer and he gives me a warm smile and leans down.

“I hope to speak with you again soon, Miss Y/L/N.” My chest starts moving up and down rapidly, which he seems to have noticed, as I nod at his words. He doesn’t seem to get that I won’t be saying anything back to him because he stands there staring at my face. After what seems like a lifetime I watch as he moves by me towards the front door, but not before he lifts a finger and grazes the end of my sweater. 

I watch with bated breath as he shuts the door behind him. Elena doesn’t waste any time before dragging me up the stairs and banging on Jeremy’s door. As she goes to open the door I feel a hand grab my waist and pull me. My back hits something strong and I go to squeal but it comes out muffled as a hand moves over my mouth. I look up and freeze as I stare up at Elena to whom he motions to be quiet. I hear Jeremy open his door but I can’t focus on any of the words he’s saying as I watch Elijah’s face. I make note of the light stubble that runs across his jawline and the practically flawless skin he has. Lucky ass vampires. My staring must’ve caught his attention, as his dark brown eyes meet mine. Once again the corners of his lips turn upwards into a small smile as he watches me watch him. 

Jeremy walking by us catches my attention and Elijah drops the hand from my mouth, but not before leaning down, and what I could’ve sworn was sniffing my hair. Elena quickly grabs my hand and pulls me away from Elijah and for a second I almost feel annoyed at this. Clearly not as annoyed as Elijah though was lets out a snarl, making Elena go rigid. 

“What do you want?”

Elijah composes himself once, “I think it’s time we three at a little chat.”

—-

“Forgive the intrusion. I mean your family no harm,” Elijah tells Elena as he walks around her room.

“Why did you kill those vampires when they tried to take me,” Elena questions him as she comes to sit down next to me on her bed. 

“Because I didn’t want you to be taken,” Elijah says confusing both Elena and I, “Klaus is the most feared and hated of the Originals but those who fear him are desperate for his approval. If word gets out that the doppelganger exists there’ll be a line of vampires eager to take you to him and I can’t have that.”

A cold feeling runs up and down my spine at the mention of Klaus. 

“Isn’t that exactly what you’re trying to do,” Elena questions him again. 

“Let’s just say that my goal is not to break the curse.”

My eyebrows furrow in confusion at the confession. Elijah looks at Elena and then brings his eyes towards me for a moment before turning back to Elena as she begins speaking. 

“So what is your goal?”

“Klaus’ obsessions have made in paranoid. He’s a recluse. He trusts only those in his immediate circle.”

“Like you?”

“Not anymore.”

“An old ass paranoid vampire, how much better could this be,” I whisper out loud to myself sarcastically. I look up and see Elijah looking at me with a small smirk on his face as he must’ve heard my comment. 

“You don’t know where he is do you,” Elena questions but he doesn’t turn his gaze away from me, “So you’re trying to use me to draw him out.” 

Elijah lets out a sigh as he turns his attention back towards my friend, “Well, to do that I need you to stay put and stop trying to get yourself killed.”

He gives her a smile and I have to stop myself from smiling at it. 

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?”

“Well, if I wasn’t being truthful, all your family would be dead and I’d be taking you to Klaus right now. Instead… I’m here and I’m prepared to offer you a deal.”

And the smile was instantly gone. 

This grabs Elena’s attention, “What kind of a deal?”

Elijah stands up and starts walking around, “Do nothing. Do nothing, live your life, stop fighting. And then, when the time is right, you and I shall draw Klaus out together and I shall make certain that your friends remain unharmed.”

“And then what?”

“Then I kill him.”

“Just like that?”

Elijah smirks at her, “Just like that. I’m a man of my word, Elena. I make a deal, I keep a deal.”

“How are you going to be able to keep everybody safe?”

“You know, I notice you have a friend, Bonnie, is it? She seems to possess the gift of magic. I have friends with similar gifts.”

“You know witches.” Elena nods her head to which I fight the urge to say “duh” to. This guy is oldddd, of course, he knows witches. 

“Together we can protect everybody that matters to you.” 

I watch silently as Elijah walks over to Elena and reaches his hand out for her to shake, “So do we have a deal?”

“As long as you keep my friends safe,” Elena looks over to me, “Y/N is one of those friends.” 

Elijah looks over to me and smirks, “Trust me deal or no deal. No one will be laying a finger on Y/N. That I give you my word on.”

I fidget under his intense stare.  

“I need you to do one more thing for me.”

Elijah turns back to face Elena with an incredulous look, “We’re negotiating now?”

Elena tells Elijah she’ll accept his deal if he gets his witches to free Stefan from some vampire tomb he’s been trapped in. Why has no one told me this yet? Elijah reluctantly agrees and they shake hands, cementing their deal. With one last glance toward me, Elijah nods his head and speeds away. 

Elena and I both let out shaking breaths as we stared at each other. 

“Any chance you want to spend the night,” Elena asks me hopefully with a sheepish look.

I nod my head quickly, “My mom is out of town and my brother’s at a sleepover. There’s no way in hell I’m going back to that empty house tonight.” 

#author #klaus mikaelson #damon salvatore #thecwshows #elijah mikaelson #klaus mikaleson imagine #the originals #klaus x reader #athenamikaelson #the vampire diares imagine #the vampire diaries #thevampirediaries #the originals x reader #elijah mikaelson x reader #elijah mikaelson imagine #stefan x elena #elena gilbert #kol mikaelson x daughter!reader #damon salvatore imagine #x reader #rebekah mikaelson

[justcallmecj]

Don't Play With Love Potions

"Is it bad I'm curious what the guys would do if someone slipped alovepotion into their food/drinks as a prank, and reader was the first person they saw?" Courtesy of- Luna the shiny eevee (On Quotev)

Anyway, I randomized a boy and got Jack! There was no specific person in that comment, so I hope they won't mind that I chose one of the boys myself! (Lots of flustered and embarrassed Jack!)

        Potions class was kicking his ass. It's like Crewel just suddenly decided to throw a shit ton of information at the class out of nowhere and wanted them to be able to do everything on short notice!

        Now, potions class may not be Jack's best subject, but he's never particularly struggled with it. All he had to do was pay attention and study, when need be, and he'd be good. Someone must have done something to Crewel for him to suddenly torture his students.

        But all that is what led Jack to be where he is now. In the potionology classroom, hunched over a book of recipes, ingredients strewn about the table and some red-ish colored liquid boiling in a cauldron. For the most part, everything was going according to plan. He'd been practicing and studying the potions and retained most of the information without any problems.

        Then, his friend Y/N came into the room. His sharp ears immediately caught onto their entrance, and he turned to greet them.

        "Hey Y/N! What brings you here?" he asked while putting down the vial he held in his hand. Y/N walked over to him and placed down their bag.

        "Nothing much honestly." they said. Their wings spread out wide behind their back and their tail curled around in front of them. "I heard that you were studying in here and thought I'd come keep you company!" Y/N pulled out a laptop from their bag and placed it on the table as they sat across from Jack.

        "Well, thank you. I don't mind the company as long as you don't distract me." Jack joked, causing Y/N to laugh. They waved a hand dismissively as they reassured Jack that they wouldn't distract him while he was working.

        Seeming to remember something, Y/N reached into their bag again and pulled out a plastic bag from it. "By the way, Ruggie asked me to give this to you." they said as they handed the plastic bag to Jack. He took it and pulled out a ham and turkey sandwich. "He said he made a little too much food today and made a sandwich for you with some of the leftovers. He ran into me while trying to find you and asked me to give it to you."

        Jack took a bite out of the sandwich and realized how hungry he had actually been. Usually, he gets a snack after school, but he didn't since he stayed behind to study. Happily, he had a few more bites and left what was left for when he's done with work.

        Y/N giggled watching Jack garble down the food like he hadn't eaten in days. Jack pouted at their teasing but just pushed it to the back of his mind.

        Jack and Y/N sat in comfortable silence and did their individual work for a good 20 minutes when Y/N noticed that Jack had stopped moving. They moved their laptop to the side and tried to get Jack's attention.

        "Jack? Hey! Are you okay? Jack! JACK!" they kept waving their hand in front of his face, but nothing could snap him out of this strange trance. Not even his ears twitched at the yelling and calling of his name. Y/N's worry only increased when Jack's eyes closed, and his head hit the table.

        They stood up and rushed to his side and shook his shoulders. Slowly, Jack got back up.

        "Jack?! Are you okay?? What happened!?" He held his head in his hands and shook around, trying to wake himself up. He still had yet to respond to Y/N. After a few moments, groggily, he finally spoke.

        "Yeah, yeah, I'm....good..." His words were slurred, but coherent. That was enough to stamp down Y/N's worries a tad. He finally gained the strength to look up. His eyes met Y/N and stayed there, like he was stuck. If Y/N didn't know they had impeccable eyesight, they would have played off the faint, pink swirl in his eyes as their imagination.

        Something wasn't right, and Y/N knew it.

        "Hey...you're really pretty, you know that?" he said, snapping Y/N from the spiral of thought in their mind.

        "W-what?" Y/N stuttered. Why would he suddenly say that? Jack looked away and hid his face by his shoulder. A faint blush crept up his neck and he mumbled something to himself that Y/N didn't bother to try and understand.

        "I said...that you're really pretty." He was still facing the other direction. "I-Is there something wrong with me saying that??" Jack asked, he turned his head back to face Y/N and willed himself to look them in the eyes.

        Once they looked closer, Y/N saw the difference in Jack. It definitely wasn't their imagination. There was a pink color in Jack's eyes, it swirled and mixed with his gold eyes, pulsing at times and sending ripples through the mixed color.

        There had to have been something in that sandwich Jack ate.

        "Jack? How do you feel right now?" Y/N waited for a response but didn't let go of his shoulders. Jack was slow to respond, seemingly distracted by looking at Y/N's eyes.

        "I feel...just fine.." he stalled. "But I feel like kissing you.." That caught Y/N off guard. They felt their face heat up and their brain failed to think straight. Jack's words seemed to finally hit him. His cheeks grew pink and his ears laid flat against his head. Despite the embarrassment, he didn't back down. He continued to stare Y/n in the eyes, even if it made the blushing worse.

        Y/N finally started to understand what may have happened and now Jack's sudden words made sense. A love potion. A potion that induces and increases a person's love. It typically lasts for a couple hours, five usually, but can be more or less depending on the strength of the potion. People also tend to be a lot more...verbal with their feelings when under the potion's effects.

        Jack confessing he wanted to kiss Y/N really didn't help Y/N ignore the feelings they had for Jack that they preferred to keep down.

        Y/N's liked Jack for a long time now but was too scared to admit it. They didn't know if he'd return the feelings and didn't want to risk ruining their friendship. But due to the current circumstance, they could indulge a little, right? Chances were high he'd only have fuzzy memories once the potion wore off, and then Y/N could just play it off as trying to help him with the potions effects if he asked. One method to get a potion like this to wear off quicker is to indulge the person.

        What if he does end up remembering? What would I do then? He'd hate me after that. There's no way he wouldn't.

        There's only one small detail Y/N forgot about love potions.

        They can't create feelings, only enhance already existing ones.

        Jack seemed to lose whatever patience he had. He got closer to Y/N's face, which snapped them out of their spiral of thoughts. He just stayed there, staring. Y/N didn't know what to do.

        "Can I?" he asked, his voice was filled with emotions, some of which Y/N had never heard from him. It took a moment before they understood what he was asking. He genuinely wanted to kiss them. Would he be saying these things if he wasn't under the potion's effects?

        Y/N nodded.

       Jack moved forward, all the way until his lips connected with Y/N's. His ears stood up again, and his tail wagged even if he tried to stop it. Y/N wasn't doing any better controlling themselves. Their tail uncurled and swished behind them. Their wings twitched and the longer the two stayed like that, the more the wings flared out.

        Y/N gently pushed Jack back a bit. He wasn't the happiest with that action but did nothing to stop it just in case. Y/N turned away from him, intense blush covering their face. The sight made Jack blush, but he also chuckled at them. Y/N got even more flustered and pushed Jack more forcefully as well as hit him on the top of his head, but it was a gentle hit and lacked the force to hurt.

        "Jack...I think we should be careful about this." Y/N finally managed to say. Jack raised his brow in confusion.

        "Why?" he asked. Y/N could hear the tad bit of hurt in his question. Crap. He's not in a clear enough mind for me to tell him about the potion, he'd reject the idea. I need to come up with an actual reason. 

        "Is t-this really something you want to do out in the open?" Y/N asked. Jack brought his face closer again and Y/N stumbled to elaborate. "I-I mean!" they took a breath, "shouldn't we go somewhere where it can just be the two of us? To avoid being interrupted!" For the Sevens sake, that shouldn't have been as hard as it was, nor that embarrassing!!

        "I guess..." he started. Y/N watched as a resolve settled in his eyes. He swiftly put away the potion ingredients he was studying, stuffed his books into his bag, carefully put Y/N's stuff in their bag, grabbed both bags and latched onto Y/N's wrist, pulling them out of the potionology room.

        Y/N didn't know where Jack was dragging them, but they didn't put up a fight about it. Eventually, Jack came to a stop, forcing Y/N to do the same. They found themself at the door of an empty classroom. With a final tug, Jack pulled Y/N into the classroom. He placed both of their things by a desk and motioned for them to sit down. They obliged. They scooted over so Jack could sit too. The seat was plenty long, so there was plenty of space. (It's like the desks you see in the lessons of the game)

        He took the seat and faced the front of the room, not Y/N. They took the initiative to break the ice.

        "Jack, why are we in here?" they asked, placing a hand on the others shoulder. There was no way they could miss how Jack's tail wagged at the contact. He turned to Y/N, and Y/N caught sight of his current condition on full volume. His cheeks and a bit of his neck was fully pink. His face scrunched up with embarrassment. The potion was doing all sorts of things to him, and he didn't understand to the same degree that Y/N did.

        He quickly reached for Y/N's hands, holding them in his own, then using what seemed like quite a bit of willpower to look them in the eyes. Y/N met that stare with some embarrassment of their own.

        "I don't really know what I'm doing right now, but I'm going to keep going with it until something happens!" he shouts, more to himself than to Y/N from the sound of it.

        He let go of Y/N's hands and pulled them into a tight hug. Y/N was stunned with shock as Jack tightened the hug slightly. He was clearly pushing himself to make sure he didn't chicken out and embarrass himself further. Once Y/N had enough time to process Jack's actions, they returned the hug, pulling their wings around their conjoined forms and encasing the two in a protective cocoon.

        Now in the cocoon, his heart rate, which Y/N had been listening to since the potion effects started, slowed down considerably from what it had been this whole time. His grip loosed just a bit, he seemed more at ease. He knew how large Y/N's wings were, and he was sure that no one could see him from the outside with the way they covered him. It let him calm down.

        He pulled away just enough to properly speak to Y/N. "Sorry," he mumbled. He nuzzled his head into their neck a little, which tickled but Y/N stayed still as to not freak him out. But they did allow a small giggle to escape their lips. Jack, upon hearing this, huffed and nuzzled further into their neck. This only gave Y/N more reasons to giggle and laugh. Eventually though, they took pity on the poor wolf.

        "So, did you bring me in here just to cuddle with me?" they asked, Y/N really was curious to know if that's all Jack had planned. He pulled his head back and stared into Y/N's eyes. That pink from earlier swirled around in the gold again. Y/N had come to realize that it was a tell-tale sign that the love potion was doing something.

        Jack closed the space between the two again and locked Y/N into another kiss. Thankfully, they were a bit better prepared this time for the feeling and how it effected them. Jack pushed into Y/N more than he had the first kiss. Y/N made sure to keep their wings up and around Jack, wanting to make him feels as comfortable as possible.

        After a good while of long kisses and a few pecks on the lips mixed in, Jack let Y/n go. He backed up, but not far enough that Y/N had their own personal space again. Their noses brushed against one another whenever either breathed a certain way.

        Jack looked kinda out of it. Like his brain was still caught up in the middle of the make out session that just happened. "....I love you," he muttered under his breath. "I have for a long time, but I didn't know how to say it." Y/N was utterly shocked. They didn't know what to say.

        The boy they'd been heavily crushing on for months, the same boy they had watched from across the table at lunch every day, the same boy that was right then practically sitting in their lap, red all over his face, eyes half lidded, and had just made out with them not even a minute ago, was now sitting there and confessing that he loved them. It was a situation they had played out in their head countless time, but never expected to come true. But it had. What else can they do-

        "I love you too, Jack." they said breathlessly.

        -but seize the moment?

        Those words excited Jack. He looked up with a brand-new vigor in his eyes. He lit up, pushing himself up. His tail wagged fiercely behind him, and his ears flicked in every which direction. "Really!?" he shouted, a little to loud for Y/N's powerful hearing and how close he was right now. They giggled, nonetheless.

        "Yes, Jack. I feel the same way, have for a long time." He basically jumped at Y/N, pushing them backwards and forcing them onto their back against the long seat of the classroom. He laid on their chest, practically beaming with joy and love. This is my new favorite face for him.

        He finally settled down and rested his chin on the middle of Y/N's chest. Not far from their face, but not too close for it to feel claustrophobic, especially since they were still cocooned.

        They both just sat there and stared into each other's eyes, admiring the one they loved. Y/n watched as the pink swirl in his eyes got faster and faster, curling into itself before finally fizzing out and disappearing. He smiled differently than before, a smile that could leave anyone with no doubt, that he absolutely loved Y/N.

        "I love you." he said.

        "What are you laughing to yourself about?" Leona asked Ruggie with clear annoyance in his tone. Ruggie, who had been hunched over the counter with and open bag of bread, leftover lunch meat and a now empty glass vial with a bit of pink residue on it, made one more giggle before looking his dormleader in the eyes. He adjusted himself to be leaning against the counter more comfortably.

       "You remember our little conversation about how annoying it was to watch our Dear Dragon and Little Wolf pin each other for so long without realizing they both liked each other?" he asked. Leona looked him up and down like he may have lost it from all the laughing.

        "Yeah, it was annoying and starting to get on my nerves. What about it?" Ruggie reached over and grabbed the empty vial. He held it up to Leona, who grabbed it and put it up to his nose. He blanched from the strong smell the moment it hit him. He knew exactly what potion this was, he remembered the class where he made it for some test vividly.

        "Well, I think I found a damn good solution. And all it took was a sandwich and a little errand from Y/N." he laughed that signature laugh of his. Leona couldn't help but chuckle along with him. Finally, the ever-painful shows of pinning between Y/N and Jack were being put to an end.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #ice dragon!reader #justcallmecj fics #Jack Howl x reader

[siconetribal]

Beyond the Bookshelves (3)

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Warnings: Obnoxious coworkers, what is the proper ettiquette when emailing princes, teasing Captain

Summary: You're a Resource Management Specialist at S.H.I.E.L.D. normally referred to as “The Librarian”. You've been assigned the nightmarish task of digitizing all the physical resources currently owned by the agency, with a few new computers and one extra helper.

A/N: Please comment/like/reblog. If you'd like to be tagged moving forward, please let me know!

The lovely banners used in this fic are from @cafekitsune.

If you’re new to the story, please check out the master post for the rest of the chapters.

The meeting was as boring as the fallen prince expected it to be, but he hardly showed his disdain for his time being wasted. Cabinet meetings and audiences with nobility and dignitaries were expected and mandatory for royals. In his opinion, a majority of them were hardly worth the time and could be easily sorted out with logic, but politics hardly worked that way. It was fickle, changing at the whim of whomever is more powerful. And though at times it was fun to see how the spoiled nobles would squabble over the most ridiculous things, the majority of it was always dull.

To think I once found such a thing mesmerizing as a young boy, wanting to follow my father everywhere and prove myself useful to him. A moment to shine, to step out of the immense shadow casted by my brother. The corners of his lips tugged downwards at the miasma of memories that began to stir. He knew the ledge was a precarious one and a single thought could have him plummeting to the depths and ensnare him.

“Do you have any questions?” The agent looked at the members of the group one by one, hesitating and nearly jumping over Loki to avoid eye contact.

“Agent Pruyn, was it?” He watched the man who was addressing them flinch at the call of his name. “Would it not be wiser for me to be the one who distracts them? I am able to change my image to look like anyone. I would merely need some footage of the person I am to imitate to better play the role. You will also be able to monitor my movements since I will be in the banquet hall as opposed to behind the scenes searching through the office.” Minimal footage of me in questionable places is best. Who knows what someone might do as an act of vengeance. 

“No, this is the best plan of action. Hawkeye is better suited for that portion of the mission and needs support while Black Widow distracts the target.” Agent Pruyn cleared his throat. The lack of negative reaction from the others seemed to embolden him a little bit. “Also, are you implying that she can't handle it? Black Widow is the best undercover agent we have. She's successfully infiltrated hundreds of places while you've only failed at discretion.” He scoffed. 

There it was. The bias and condescending tone, the twisting of his words, and the lack of support. Such insolence made his blood boil to the point of physically punishing the fool, but he kept his reactions in check with a blank expression. Silently, he changed the way they perceived him to look identical to the infamous fiery haired operative who was sitting with them. Everyone in the room stared at him in wide eyed shock, looking at him and her to see if there was a difference. 

“Well isn't that a neat little trick.” Natasha was the first to break the silence. “Certainly beats needing to put on that holographic skin.” She leaned in closer, trying to find some flaw.

“Stare all you like, you won’t be able to tell the difference unless I let you.” He said in her voice.

“If he’s so good at keeping up an appearance, why not just swap them? Nat and I are equally able to get in and out without issues if there’s a good enough diversion.” Clint shrugged, though he was impressed at how perfectly Loki copied her.

“I don’t have an issue with that change, I’m the one who can break into the computer system they have. It’s better if I’m with Clint.” Natasha agreed, Loki shifting back to himself.

“So, we’re in agreement. I will be the one to keep the group busy and the both of you will gather the necessary information. As I stated, I’ll require footage and data on the individual I’ll be impersonating.” He turned his attention back to Agent Pruyn who seemed rather cross with the change to his plan but said nothing since the other two Avengers were agreeing with Loki.

“We’ll need to adjust the timeline of the operation then. Everything was set up for this plan, we’ll need to adjust and see if there’s another gathering we can infiltrate.” 

“You say this person of interest has possible ties to this Hydra organization, correct? Why don’t we get ourselves invited to his home or wherever you think he is housing the necessary information? Why must we wait for some large gathering outside somewhere else?” Loki questioned. 

“We can’t just waltz into his home unannounced.” Agent Pruyn scoffed. “Do you think he just calls people over for tea time? This isn’t one of your royal games, Loki.” The condescending tone was back once more with a sense of triumph. This was hardly enough to anger the prince, but he was not so lenient to let it slide for a second time.

“Who said anything about tea?” He looked at the agent with raised eyebrows. “I wasn’t aware you had the time for such frivolous plans. I must disappoint you, my plans do not allot time for such.” Agent Pruyn grit his teeth and glared at the insouciant attitude the Asgardian was speaking with to him. A few of the other members of the meeting snickered at the calm retort, looking away to avoid the ire of the presenter. “This target has questionable connections and has a proclivity to feign a charitable appearance through auctions. We need to approach him as someone equally shady who wishes to either wash their hands of some item or trade an item to someone else and obtain the money under the guise of donating to said charity. We simply need to choose someone from his connections or create someone completely new.”

“That,” Natasha was the first to speak, coincidentally cutting Pruyn off, “is an excellent idea. If we came as someone new, trying to make a name for themself, they’ll be more likely to accept us if we come with an item of great value. Loki can play the part of the client and I can easily play the part of his assistant as needed to keep up the facade. Once we’re invited in, I can get Clint inside and we can get the information we need while the auction is going on.”

“Until the auction takes place, we can build a relationship with him and others. We can record all the conversations and pick up on any codes they use to discuss the secret dealings!” A female agent chimed in soon after, realizing an extra benefit to this plan.

“This makes it a much longer plan than anticipated though, we’ll have to resubmit the plan to our lead agent and to Director Fury.” A male agent pointed out.

“Sounds like it’s a necessary delay if it’s going to be more fruitful than the original operation. I guess Thor wasn’t exaggerating when he boasted about how strategic you are.” Clint slightly nodded his head in approval. “Redraft the plan and submit it, we’ll see what Fury says before moving forward.”

“We’ll schedule our next meeting after that.” Natasha nodded, standing from her seat. The others followed her actions and the meeting came to an end with a very irate Pruyn glaring at the back of Loki’s head. A small smirk of satisfaction tugged at the Asgardians lips as he walked down the halls, feeling lighter at proving himself as worthy to be on the team.

Y/N stared at the screen of her computer, willing it to fill the empty body of the email that was addressed to the two Avengers she was allowed to work with. Glancing at the time, she groaned audibly and turned her chair around so her back was to the screen.

Three hours, I’ve been staring at this blasted computer screen for three hours! Why do I need to message them!? Wasn’t Agent Hill supposed to coordinate this? Why is everything suddenly dumped on me from start to finish? This is ridiculous! Next they’ll want me to manage their schedules and make sure they have time to complete their missions and assist in my never ending task! I am not some over glorified secretary, I am the head of the Resource Management department, the director of it! I attend all the ridiculous morning meetings, check-ins, and any other waste of time meeting that could have easily been an email instead while managing all centers that contain our resources, digital and physical! She pushed herself out of the chair and paced in the space she had behind the desk. “When am I supposed to even meet with them when both are due to be deployed this week!” She threw her hands in the air as she shouted into the empty office. Defeated, she slumped back into her seat and turned to face the computer once more. 

She did not want to wait until their return, she needed it done now so that while they were gone she could have the computers and scanners set up and be ready to start as soon as they returned. Straightening up her posture, she pulled the keyboard forward and quickly began to type a brief email stating she was approached by Agent Hill and wanted to set up a short meeting in person to introduce herself and better understand how to properly utilize their assistance and time. She also added that the both of them are available tomorrow after lunch for a brief period of time. Rereading her email over and over again, she made sure there was no error before finally hitting the send. Now she had to wait for a response. Thankfully, the chime signaling the door opening was a great distraction, letting her escape the panic while waiting for a response.

“Good afternoon, how may I help you?” She happily greeted the person as she stepped out of her office. “Oh, Captain Rogers, how are you?”

“Good afternoon Y/N, I’m doing well. How are you doing?” He smiled, giving her a slight nod.

“Could do with less work, but that’s not going to change anytime soon.” She tiredly chuckled.

“I don’t know how you handle your work at all. I wouldn’t know the first thing to do with a fourth of what’s here. They’ve got the right gal for the job here.” He patted her on the back. “Which is an expertise I’ll be needing at the moment. I’ll be going out on a mission with Thor and Tony to a fairly remote area with indigenous people. Thor will be a great asset with his AllSpeak, but I’d like to get some insight on the culture.”

“Oh, so no “An American Girl” books this time around? Or  the “Hardy Boys”?” She curled her lips inward to keep from laughing as she watched the famous Captain America clear his throat and turn away to hide the hints of a blush that were creeping up onto his cheeks.

“No, not this time. But maybe when I come back you can suggest something for me to read?”

“I would love to, I’ll think up a small list and let you see which you’d like to start with. So, back to your mission, where are you going and do you know the group you’ll be interacting with?” She clapped and rubbed her hands together, eager to be of assistance. “Let’s head to the front desk while you tell me so I can pull up what we have for you.” Nodding his head, he delved into the details of the mission that were necessary, Y/N never asking for more information than necessary as she pulled up anything relevant and jotted it down on a sheet of paper. “Ok, follow me!” She walked back around just as the chime signaled someone else coming in. “Good afternoon, if you need my assistance I will be with you shortly. Please wait at the desk.” She turned to smile at the newcomer only to see the raven haired prince. Oh, good thing I put the book on the table already. “Follow me, Captain Rogers.”

“Y/N, you can just call me Steve. I think we’ve known each other long enough to drop formalities.”

“Captain Rogers, so bold and scandalous!” She gasped. “What would your fangirls think?!”

“Please don’t remind me of those.” He sighed heavily and gave her a stern look. “And I insist you call me Steve, we’re friends.” He flashed her that famous hero smile.

“Alright, alright, Steve it is.” She turned into an aisle and began to skim the codes, pulling out books which were taken from her by the gentleman super soldier beside her. Once everything was pulled, the two went to the nearest table.

“This is great, thank you, Y/N.”

“Anytime Capt-,” she stopped at the pointed look he gave her. “Steve. If you need anything, just give a holler. I’ll come help you.”

“We’re in the library, I don’t think hollering is a good idea.” He chuckled.

“Who’s going to stop us, the librarian? Oh wait, that’s me!” She grinned, earning an eye roll from him before he turned his attention to the books he had as she made her way back to the front desk.

Tags: @vbecker10 @huntress-artemiss@softestqueeen @thegodofnotknowing @princess-ofthe-pages @firedrakegirl@rcailleachcola @cabingrlandrandomcrap @lotrefcp @lwtannie

#loki marvel #loki god of mischief #loki odinson #loki #loki laufeyson #loki mcu #mcu loki #loki friggason #loki x you #loki x reader #loki x y/n #loki avengers #the avengers #avengers fanfiction #avengers fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki fanfic #tom hiddleston #reader insert #y/n #your name #agents of shield #shield agent reader #s.h.i.e.l.d. #agents of s.h.i.e.l.d. #black widow #natasha romanoff #hawkeye #clint barton #captain america

[goodluckclove]

How Clove Gardener Writes (an Overview)

I definitely told myself when I started this blog a billion years ago, at the dawn of human civilization, that I wouldn't make any attempt to tell you how to write. You know - other than saying just do it do the thing write it close the blog open the document type type three sentences bam look you did it good job i love you now go get yourself a treat.

But I've spoken to a few writers who seem to benefit from the insight of me just explaining how I write. So I thought I'd give a little peek into my own mindset. I cannot stress enough that this is what works for me. It's a methodology that I've built up over the course of like fifteen years of trying different things, keeping what works, and throwing the rest right out the goddamned window.

If any of this seems new and appealing give it a try. If it doesn't help I'm wrong and bad as a person (no I'm kidding but seriously if it doesn't work that's fine and we're both fine). If it helps you owe me a picture of a frog drawn from memory.

Let's see how long I ramble. Follow me under the read more!

Okay, so let's get this out of the way. I've never taken a writing class. No, that's not true. I took one when I was thirteen and another one in high school and I don't remember anything either of them taught me. Oh and I took an online creative writing class in college, but I also didn't retain anything and the next year I dropped out of college. So I also don't have a degree in jack shit.

What else? I don't outline. I've written upwards of 15 novels (13-15, I honestly can't remember) and I did not outline any of them. This includes character sheets and worldbuilding lore. My first published novel Blind Trust was born from the concept of the Lover's Knot, which is just like some witchy magic lore. I thought it would be cool so I was like "who could maybe be some guys" and then I introduced some guys and then bam 180k later it was Scott and Edgar.

I do virtually no preparation to write a novel other than the vaguest premise and maybe like one cool scene. I did not have a cool scene for Blind Trust, but I do have one for Migration Patterns. What I don't have is an ending. I don't think I've ever written a novel knowing how it ends.

Literally here's what I do. This is all I do. I sit down and I write until I don't know what's going to happen next, at which point I step away and I listen to some music or I go to the museum or I take a nap until I decide how to continue. That's it.

For me it's going to the zoo every day and seeing the monkeys. And every day they're doing something different. Sometimes they're sleeping, or they're pawing at each other, or they're gathering sticks. I can call out to them and offer to show them a card trick or share my Bugles with them, and they might come up to the wall of the enclosure to see what I'm doing. Or they might not. I do not really have control of the situation, but it doesn't matter because they aren't fully aware of me.

At some point either I have to leave the zoo for some reason. Maybe I'm tired, or maybe the monkeys have been pulled in to be fed their lunch (it's bananas and peanuts). Either way I add that day's behavior to the pile and then come back tomorrow.

Once I find an ending I go back and I read through the book again and trim any fat that's in the wrong places while adding flesh to some naked bones. Then I wait a week or more (usually I can only wait a week) and go back and do it again. By that point it's ready to hopefully have someone read it, after which I make small edits and tweaks.

That's how I do it. Or at least, that's how I do it for longform prose projects that I plan to publish. I've written plenty of novels that just stayed first drafts because I didn't feel like revising them and then I moved on to the next one. I don't regret that. I don't consider it a waste of time.

I would never consider a trip to the zoo a waste of time.

Anyways, that's what works for me. I don't know if all of this will apply to other brains. I don't know if any of it will. I figure it might just be useful to get an in-depth look at what I personally vibe with.

I'm so down to talk writing at any time, by the way. I love to do it. Tell me why you aren't writing and I would be happy to listen and try to help. Or just brainstorm. Seriously, my DMs and inbox are perpetually open. Talking about writing is one of my favorite things to do.

Let's go look at some monkeys together.

#writeblr #writing community #on writing #writing resources #writers of tumblr #authors of tumblr #writing #writers on tumblr #actually writing

[propertyofwhitney67]

yandere-ish f!reader having dol-typical trauma (sa/rape) nightmares and waking up kylar for comfort

I’ll always protect you

M!Kylar x F!Reader

Closed Prompt Event: Nightmares & Comfort

Words: 772

Tw: nightmare, Rape/noncon, violence, victim blaming?

Note: One of the more fucked things I've written. Starts out really rough with the nightmare.

Their touch felt real, the cold ground, the sound of water dripping, the smoke billowing around their figure and invading my lungs all felt so real and it only got worse. I started to believe it was all real, that I was back in that godforsaken cell. The revolving door of people assaulting me, the lineups, the dancing, the filming, the hunting…I’m reliving it all over again.

The large figure was shrouded in darkness, I couldn’t make out any defining details. Their hands wrapped around my throat, choking me and forcing their cock into my cunt. I couldn’t breathe and everything hurt. I tried to claw at their neck, but it had no effect. They laughed at my pathetic attempt to save myself, letting go of my neck and pinning my arms above me. I had no way to defend myself, no way to stop them.

The only thing that could be heard was my sobbing and the squelching of my abused cunt. They dug their nails into my skin, laughing at my pain. “I know you’re enjoying this, your tight cunt doesn’t lie.” The stretch of their cock was painful and I wanted nothing more than to disappear. It was all too much.

Closing my eyes and trying to dissociate, I thought of Kylar saving me from this horrible place. Him killing every last one of these sick fucks, burning this place to the ground. I held onto that hope as the figure above me grunted loudly and came. “Good girl.” He pulled out and left me there on the cold ground, taking a picture of my abused and leaking cunt before leaving me alone in the cell.

Eventually I crawled across the ground and onto the thin bed I was provided with. I curled up in a ball and continued to sob, wishing it would all end..

I woke up with a start, sobbing and terrified. My body was in fight or flight mode, and I chose the latter, jumping out of bed and hiding. I curled up into a ball in the corner, trying to make myself as small as possible. I didn’t know where I was, my nightmare-or was it real? Did I pass out on my thin mattress and get sold off, or was it all truly a nightmare? Just a figment of my imagination, or the horrid reality I live?

Something or someone in the bed moved, the sheets rustling. A body quickly shot up, frantically searching the bed and then the room, finding me in the corner. The person moved so quickly that I didn’t have a chance to move or defend myself. The small figure wrapped their arms tightly around me, holding me close. “My love?” The voice sounded familiar, “A-Are you ok?” The figure asked, stuttering.

“Kylar? Is that you…?” I asked quietly, afraid I was wrong. I hoped it was him and that I was safe, that it was all just another horrible nightmare. That Kylar would hold and comfort me. He always knew how to make me feel better, feel safe…

The person cupped my face, wiping away tears with their thumb. “I-It’s me, you’re safe.” Kylar whispered, “You’re safe h-here with me.”

I broke down again, sobbing and clinging to him. “I-I…” I couldn’t even form a coherent sentence, just choking on my saliva as I tried to breathe. 

Kylar picked me up with surprising strength, carrying me to the bed and placing me down. I continued to sob as he got in next to me, pulling me onto his chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist and cried into his chest. He petted my hair, doing his best to soothe me. “They’ll never touch you again.” 

I looked up and sniffled loudly, tears still running down my face. “You promise?” I wiped under my dripping nose, “You’ll always protect me?”

He stared into my eyes, “I promise I’ll always protect you, my love.” He didn’t stutter once, leaning down and kissing my forehead lovingly.  “I’d do anything for you, my love.” He’s always done his best to protect me, to keep me safe from the horrible things in this town. It hasn’t always worked, but this time it is. I haven’t left the manor in months, and I’ve never felt safer. Sure the nightmares still come, but he’s always there to scare them away. “I love you more than anything.”

His words comforted me, sure he’s said it all before but it brought me comfort to hear it again. “I love you too, Kylar.” I leaned my forehead against his, smiling through the tears. “I’ll always love you.”

𝘔𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵

𝘒𝘰-𝘍𝘪

#tw rape #tw noncon #tw nightmare #tw victim blaming #dol #dol fanfic #dol kylar #kylar dol #kylar the loner #degrees of lewdity kylar #kylar x reader #kylar degrees of lewdity #degrees of lewdity #dol fanfiction #degrees of lewdity fanart #degrees of lewdity fanfic #degrees of lewdity imagines #degrees of lewdity imagine #degrees of lewdity x reader #dol x reader #my writing

[bunnihearted]

🐇🩹🚪

#i hate myself real bad today.... like it's this constant gnawing feeling in my stomach nd chest #i am such a fucking burden. i am deadweight weighing everyone around me down. im such a fkn pathetic failure #our living situation is rlly bad nd unhealthy nd toxic. im the only one who can disconnect nd shove it all down nd wanna pretend like nothin #but my sister nd my mom are going insane like they cannot stand it anymore. nd they're also getting super depressed so im worried #my mom's been trying to apply for appartments bc she's been on waiting lists for several years so she can actually maybe get one #so they were thinking that my mom nd my sister can move nd me nd my sister can live here #she even found an apartment close by that she would actually get!! so they could move!! #however...... you're not allowed to put more ppl on this contract so if my mom moves me nd my sister can stay here :/// so she cant move.... #cant** stay here #she cant move at all unless my sister nd i have our own places... #my sister has a job nd is an actual responsible adult. so she wont be long until she fixes that #but me???? im 25yrs old... never had a job. cant even graduate highschool even if i try. i have no fkn idea how to survive on my own!!!!! #im just a fkn burden on my mom. i keep her down. i chain her down nd keep her feom being free #im such an awful daughter. im such a bad person. im so worthless. i hate myself for hurting her #i hate seeing her so sad nd depressed bc she wants to get out of this situation so bad #and *im* the one keeping her here. im the reason she cant feel better. bc im a pathetic fkn 25yr old who lives off of her mom like a parasit #ooof i ... i hate myself more deeply than i ever have. how can i do this to my own mom???? why am i so useless???? #idk what to do. idk how to move out!! where to?? how do u get a place to live??!? #atp i'd even take living with someone else. like renting a room or smth. just to free my mom of the curse that is me #but idk how to find anything like that bc im completely and utterly incapable nd useless #i feel so bad for my mom.... i know she doesnt want this but it makes me wanna kms even more #if im dead i cant weigh her down i cant ruin her life!!!! if im dead she'll be free of me. im nothing but a parasite she deserves to be free

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Okay crew. I have three hours to get out of my apartment and get going to my parents' house. I don't have to pack my mattress or get rid of my furniture anymore because my strong af girlfriend helped me take care of it. I just have to fit what I can into my van (not a lot) and abandon the rest. Then drive four hours. Wish me luck. I'll need it.

#when i wrote this in my head it konda sounds like a general inspiring his troops #except im both the general and the troops #oh god i have three hours to condense my life into my minivan #i took 70mg of vyvanse and i feel great. i think im gonna take 30 mg more just because i have to get rid of it #see i stole the 30mg from my brother and im about to go see him. i dont want him searching my shit and finding his own meds #its okay he only takes these meds while hes in school. and i stole them over winter break #please only take medicine that is your own. dont fuck with prescriptions that belong to other people. do as i say not as i do #holy shit im not okay #i went to my fav local coffee shop today for the last time and started tearing up while i was there #im gonna miss this place #im moving across the country to live with my sibling #and honestly i dont think its gonna be my forever home. i think this is just a much-needed adventure and change of pace #i can see myself living in this city for years and years. but im still leaving #i know i need to leave. i need to live with someone. be with family. i need to get out of my shit job. i need a new start #so itll be worth it. but i think ill probably come back here eventually. idk. but for now im leaving. i need to go #i need to go in three fucking hours

[midwestblue]

I think (as much as I annoyingly complain and whine about not having a partner) being single this long has been good for me. I'm learning a lot about myself and I'm learning why I was a shit person, and through finding the root of the problem I can kind of... start to heal. I can be nicer to myself so I can grow and get better. Because TBH.. being mean and cruel to yourself doesn't make you become a better person. It just makes you believe that thats what you /are,/ and thats what you /always will be,/ as opposed to realizing that you are a product of your circumstances but that does not mean you can't get better and become a better person. Accepting help and trying to get better so you can eventually love yourself – even if no one else does – is the greatest and loveliest thing you can do for yourself. You deserve that love, you exist and you live and you feel and that is a truly beautiful gift.

#uhm well anyway I hope everyone finds people and a place where they feel safe and loved #I'm feeling really emotional sorryy #basically. tldr; found the problem! trying to get better now through loving myself instead of hating myself #its been really hard. its going to be really hard. I feel like ive barely made any progress #I wish I had a therapist to talk about this stuff with. but I dont. #btw the uh root problem: finding out my mother was actually hugely abusive & I already knew my dad was #so basically ive been having to confront the fact that Ive been living a lie and my mother is actually deeply terrible as much as my dad #and my parents should have never had children & ive never had one single decent adult in my life #so basically uhm yea lol. I was born into dysfunction. I was never going to turn oit normal or okay. #so its been hard to like. figure all that out alone. learning I have ptsd and extreme ocd + dissociation because of them hasnt been easy #its made me so deeply miserable because I guess I assumed what my mom was doing to us was normal this whole time? #because I thought no. surely not. surely i cant have TWO terrible parents. I need at least 1 good one right? #but yea no actually every adult has hurt me in some way. and I was never going to turn out alright because #I am the king of obsessing and cycling over everything in my life #Im like. not okay right now but not being im in danger just because I wish I had someone to talk to about all this. #I just need to learn to drive so I can get out of here. I need to get out like #all these realizations have been really really heavy on me and ive been having trouble sleeping #Its been hard to process and I dont really know where to go from here. I guess I cant properly heal and grow until I move out? #idk this has been really long im so sorry. #vent #tw vent #tws -> #abuse ment #parents ment #<- in tags

[iron-bubble]

💜

#as much as i want to wallow in sadness today all day i cant #it's not that im not letting myself not feel sad it's just that im not letting the other sad in cause that other sad had been trying to get #in again and for a while now so instead im coping in a different way #i'll probably randomly tear up as i do possibly cry but i just cant do it all at once not like i used to #im rambling again but um maybe someone will find it silly or it might seem im not letting myself feel sad but it's just #i cant afford to be pulled in im alone... i dont have a job anymore that can distract me #i moved away with bro cause of his uni/college #im with myself again and that used to be not good for me so now im trying to figure out how much ive changed and how much i can take #this is therapy talk and all over the place lmao #but to fellow army friends you'll be okay eat your fav snacks today and drink water and take walks and it's okay to feel sad just remember #to take care of yourself FIRST you are more important okay 💜 #that's it sorry if anyone finds this just airing the brain on here 😂🤷 #im gonna be reading today and playing sims cause i installed it again and then im gonna make some pasta for dinner tonight #i'll do the comforting things today ☺️

[lilmccoy]

Finally got a few minutes to reorganize my bookshelf. Ended up having to move a few books over to another case. While I still need to do some rearranging, so that some series can be next to each other, at least now I don't have stacks just sitting on the floor. Now, the stack on my desk, is a whole other thing. And some day in the future I'm probably just gonna need to give in and find another bookcase.

#i do have one spot i can think of to put another case #it's just a matter of if i can find something that'll fit #or if i'll need to build it myself #in either case i'll need to borrow someone's bandsaw for a bit #cause putting it in that spot would cover an outlet i like to use on occasion #advantages of living where i do is that we were near required to take an agriculture and shop combination class #so i do actually know how to do very basic carpentry and how to use a bandsaw #i've just been getting worried about my main bookshelf #thinking i see hints of a bow in the top shelf #so i've been moving books from up top to other places to take the weight off #i'm just really lacking places to put things #hence the need for another shelf #personal

[chlopieno]

This friday sucks super bad so far.

#vent incoming #my boyfriend is having super bad time and it's strongly related to me yet not my direct fault and the only way i could remove #myself from the equation would be completely get out of theor life. and even then i don't believe it would help. there's so much #internalized stuff #bad family stuff #overall so many bad things pilled up one on another that are centered at the topic of identity #and such that yes. i could leave. but then will it help with the homophobia or transphobia he's facing? if he goes back into closet how #will it help if the base of the problem is still there? #i can't help if he doesnt leave and find a space where his parents have no say. i asked him over and over again to go to a psychiatrist #ive been asking him to do it for over a year. and he has a barrier that makes sharing hard for him but for the love of the saints he needs #help from someone who is qualified to do it. i asked him to choose his doctor so he can be most comfortable. i offered to pay for the doctor #in case he has no money. i try so hard to pull him out of this place of self blame and of blame he receives from his parents #from anyone else #i try so hard to let him know he can ask me for help. i try to make him feel comfortable and safe. i want future with him and he made m #me think he wanted it too but today he told me that he doesnt know if getting together woth me was a good choice. and even if he breaks up #with me i will know that all of it is going to stay the same #i really dont know what to do. how to help. how do i make everything better if i cant do anything about his family and his home? he goes #back there and i immediately start worrying about him. he told me he doesnt feel safe in that town and i cant do anything. i cant convince #him to move out. i cant convince him to drop this old life. i feel so helpless

[marinecorvid]

sorry venting

the joy of having fun little knickknacks and thingamajigs related to what you love VS. the desire to not become overwhelmed by material items + the agony overwhelming that comes with being keenly surrounded by stuff: FIGHT

#maybe it’s just bc I have ‘still living in my childhood bedroom as an adult’ syndrome #but am in the process of tidying up and it just. god. fucking bowled me over #sometime soon I gotta Marie kondo this place again #and maybe look into upgrading storage #instead of y’know sticking with the stuff I’ve been using since middle school #but also also pre Covid before (and after) my grandfather died #a lot of stress my mom was under (and me by extension) was that he was an awful hoarder #and he didn’t rlly care #but then he died and we had to take sporadic trips out to his old apartment and help his roommate/partner/person go through all his shit #and then we had to just start throwing shit out bc their rent lease end was coming up and she needed to have everything moved out #so now it’s like. I feel hypersensitive to it #and we still have so much shit in the house not even in my room #some of which is still his!!! #and it’s like….. mom wants to go through it all properly and try and sell it but I’m fucking so tired of it. just get rid of it you have an #an Outback just shove it all in your car and take a trip to goodwill and whatever goodwill doesnt take bring to the free section in the dump #but she’s not going to do that bc She’s Mom and whenever I try to just throw stuff out she says stuff that makes me second guess myself #or insists she’ll try to find someone to give it to #but then she doesn’t a lot of the time so it just sits in my room or some random spot around the house #she is picking and choosing every battle that is presented to her and she is losing and I am trying not to lose my mind

[neverendingford]

.

#reading the staff announcement just feels gross. #I despise being pushed to market to others and I despise being marketed to. I can live without tumblr. I will continue to find new places #there's always somewhere new to learn. somewhere new to follow artists and somewhere new to keep up with current events #the moment we turn into products is the moment I'm fucking out of here. idgaf about whether your app development is profitable #literally not my problem. crying and saying “don't you see? we have to turn you into a product or we'll shut down” doesn't help #then perish. I give a shit about myself. that's it. everything else comes second to that. that's what the people on tumblr taught me #I learned self care here. and if taking care of myself means logging out and never coming back then that's what I'll do #I'll set my queue to something like 5/day and then just fuck off to something else. I'll pick up a new hobby or watch some shows #and I'll find something else to do with my life besides get pushed things that I hate. #maybe tumblr is harder to use. because it requires you to do the fucking work yourself. it doesn't dice feed you #corporate bullshit makes me want to leave and go start a new minecraft server and never come back to this website #idk. I hate the whole situation. I want to leave and never look back. #if things get worse I will go back to living under my rock. I've learned a lot here but I can move on #I don't have a reach. I don't pay artists. I don't really participate. you will genuinely be fine without me. #maybe I make a difference to the few people who follow me. but I can make just as much of a difference to other people other places #maybe I mean a lot to you. I can mean just as much to someone elsewhere. maybe I like it here. maybe I can like it somewhere else too

[yoongjoong]

.. hmm

#I don’t even know if anything I’m doing is good.. or which direction to take #I’m struggling so hard right now from finding roommates when the due date is today… #to trying to understand how I’ve put myself in this situation #not feeling comfortable enough to even talk to my friends #I’m extremely tired and now I mostly have to think about finding a new place to move into #do I move in to a place by myself or find someone and get a 2 bedroom #thankfully I’ll have a place to go at the end of this month #I thought things would be good at the end of my summer class but immediately afterwards everything went to shit #I’ve been thinking a lot recently but I’m tired of conflict and fighting.. and no matter how I try to change my life nothing goes through #ive realized that I’ve been masking so hard to not bring anyone down or cause problems and yet I still messed things up #I’m tired of masking.. I’m tired of fighting.. I’m tired of being a problem to everyone else #I’d prefer to just vanish off the face of the planet or if anything just start over and be done with masking #it’s tiring accommodating and never truly doing things without judging eyes watch my every move #I don’t even know who to ask about certain things #i refuse to go back home tho.. once I left I knew I wasn’t going back

[yamujiburo]

Why I Love Hanamusa

I get this question very frequently but have never given a really in depth, definitive answer. All just kinda implied through my comics and spread out asks. So here's this I guess! Long post ahead:

First, as a Pokémon fan in her mid 20s, I love seeing a ship where the characters are both in their mid/late 20s. Already, they’re much more relatable to me and my current experiences. Most Pokémon ships are between preteens, which can be cute but ultimately don’t interest me as much as they used to when I was a kid myself. Not enough to get super invested in and draw a lot of fanart for anyways haha.

I’ll also start by saying that canon doesn’t always influence whether or not I’ll ship something. I’m much more drawn to potential. Could the characters work together? Do their personalities work together in a nice way? I feel like this so much of fanon is anyways. Especially with queer relationships because they’re rarely depicted in the first place. A lot of the context for these ships is usually up to the fans to piece together or make up in general. And that’s the fun part to me!

Jessie and Delia have only met in the anime a handful of times. Any interaction they’ve had has either been pleasant, or just a typical Team Rocket interaction, with Delia dismissing them/not seeing them as a threat. Already a great jumping off point for me since, truly, they don’t have any actual beef or true, ill feelings towards each other. It’s not TOO out of the realm of possibility for them to potentially fall for each other. “But Jessie chased Delia’s son around trying to steal his Pokémon!” That’s where that dismissive and aloof attitude that Delia has comes into play. I’ll go more into Delia’s whole deal a bit later but I do think this aspect of her personality is a large reason why this ship can work. It’s not that she doesn’t care that Jessie has a bad past, but she can tell that, on the inside, Jessie’s a good person. And, in a scenario where Jessie is trying to become a better person, is forgiving enough to give her a shot. I feel like this is such a solid foundation for a ship. A character who has done wrong but is trying to be better and another character who is willing to help them be better. A classic dynamic!

It’s not just one-sided though; where Jessie is the only one benefitting and learning from the relationship. I believe Delia could get a lot out of being with someone like Jessie. To understand why, I think it’s important to know these characters’ respective backstories.

Jessie is an orphan/foster child who grew up in poverty. Her mother Miyamoto (from The Birth of Mewtwo) was a Team Rocket operative herself, who went on a mission to find Mew. In order to do this, she had to leave Jessie when she was just a toddler. Unfortunately, Miyamoto went MIA on her mission leaving Jessie to more or less fend for herself. Jessie went through life with zero stability, evident by her MANY different careers and constant moving around. It’s implied in the show that she went from foster home to foster home, and later in life tried being an idol, weather girl, florist, wine connoisseur, actress, most notably a nurse and finally a Team Rocket field agent. And even while in Team Rocket, she, James and Meowth were always doing odd jobs to get by. We see that Jessie used to be a sweet kid, and even adult, but the world and her circumstances repeatedly did her dirty, leading her to become the character we know today. Hot tempered, mean, selfish, etc. But despite this, her soft side does still shine through for the people and Pokémon she cares about. She is incredibly loyal.

Delia, unbeknownst to a lot of fans, also had a rough past (see Pocket Monsters: The Animation). Like Jessie, she had a lot of dreams and aspirations like wanting to be a model and even a trainer. But when she was 10, her mother didn’t let her, telling her that she had to stay home and learn to run the family restaurant (she’s an only child). Delia’s father left her and her mother to be a trainer, and never returned. When she was 18, she married Ash’s father and became pregnant shortly after. But right after Ash was born, he also set off to be a Pokémon trainer. And soon after that, her mother passed away, leaving Delia with just the restaurant and baby Ash. This gives so much context to Delia’s attitude in the show. We see that Delia is pained whenever Ash leaves on a journey, but she never shows that pain to anyone. ESPECIALLY Ash. She’s very quick to shoo him off when he shows any sign of wanting to go on another journey and even when he returns home, she acts more excited to see Pikachu than him almost every time. Without all this backstory, it’s easy to just read this as a funny gag, BUT with context, I think it really shows how quickly Delia shuts down and detaches in order to not confront her own feelings. She’s afraid of losing people and getting hurt again.

All that said, I think Jessie and Delia provide each other with EXACTLY what the other needs. 

Aside from becoming rich and famous, Jessie’s biggest aspiration is to get married. In my opinion, this is more so an underlying want for love and stability. There is no one more stable in the show than Delia. Delia’s lived in Pallet her whole life, she’s worked at the same restaurant since she was young and she is always there when Ash comes back home. She has all the love, patience and stability Jessie needs and craves. While forgiving, Delia’s not stupid and can keep Jessie in check. Delia’s also just an angel, which I feel, would make Jessie want to be better. And on top of all this, on more of a surface level, Delia’s a chef and excellent cook. She shows love through cooking and Jessie, who grew up poor, regularly starving and eating snow, happily receives that love. Jessie’s able to live a happy and healthy life with someone like Delia.

Delia, as stated, is very stable. Likely pretty monotonous and solitary, especially living in such a small town like Pallet. This isn’t a bad thing but it’s a little sad when you consider that Delia also had dreams of traveling, being a model and a trainer. She had to give up so many dreams in order to fulfill her duties as a restaurant owner and mother. And even now, when Ash is off on his journey, she feels the need to always be home and be that stable pillar, leaving behind any ambitions she had, thinking it’s too late for her (she’s only 29 btw). But then along comes Jessie, dangerous, passionate, an absolute firecracker. Someone who’s whole life has been about chasing dreams and either, never giving up on them or finding a new dream to chase. Upon learning about Delia’s past aspirations, I could see Jessie pushing her towards them, letting her know that life’s too short and she has nothing to lose from trying. On top of this, Jessie’s also loyal. She, James and Meowth are depicted as doing anything for anyone who gives them food or shows them kindness. Delia does both so there’s no way Jessie would leave her. This fulfills an essential need for Delia, who is afraid of the people in her life leaving her.

There’s so much potential for mutual growth and learning between these two and I adore that. They compliment each other, they help each other and they bring out the best qualities in one another.

I’m not really sure how to end this and I could truly talk about them even more but I don’t want this to be tooooo long haha. OH I could end it with maybe the most funny aspect of this ship that I've brushed over and also what drew me to it in the first place. Jessie. As Ash’s stepmom. THE END.

#hanamusa #hanamusashipping

[hedgehog-moss]

The lower rung of the ladder in my kitchen broke last month and I stuck a little Post-it note on the wall to remind myself to step over the missing rung so I wouldn't break my leg every time I go up or downstairs—but then my mum came to visit and she saw me hopping over the gap in the ladder with practised ease and her face was the definition of "you live like this?" And she went to get a screwdriver to unscrew the ladder from the wall so we could carry it outside and repair it.

Some people see a broken ladder and immediately open a toolbox to fix the problem; some people see a broken ladder and stick a Post-it note to the wall to train themselves to step over the problem forever. (I admit my response is inferior.)

I think I felt daunted at the thought of tinkering with this ladder because it's been here in the same place for over a century and I pictured the whole thing crumbling into dust if we tried to move it—but no, it's still solid, except the lower rung. Which wasn't damaged by time, but by Pandolf. (And some insects. But mostly Pandolf.)

When he was a baby, for a week or so after I took him home, he was extremely upset about having to spend the night in his dog bed in the kitchen while I went upstairs to my bedroom, he would cry and cry and one night in a fit of despair and rage he attacked the ladder. The next morning I found the lower rung (the only one he could reach) looking like it had been attacked by a termite colony, but it was Pandolf's pointy little puppy teeth. By the look of it he'd spent half the night furiously gnawing on it until he dropped from exhaustion—his reasoning was clearly that if he destroyed the ladder, I wouldn't be able to go upstairs anymore and would be forced to spend the night on the floor of the kitchen with him.

It's really hard to be mad at baby Pandolf, though. Go on, try.

Eventually he got used to sleeping in his dog bed and he abandoned his ladder destruction project, but the lower rung has been fragile ever since, and it finally broke last month.

My mum is extremely efficient; she sent me to the barn to find some kind of thick board (you can find anything in the barn if you have a torch and aren't afraid of bats or century-old spiderwebs) and when I came back she had prepared all the tools and taken all the measurements.

The worst part was tapering the sides so the rung would fit in the notches, because if one side was a little bit thinner than the other then it was wobbly—

—plus I used a file at first and it took forever (Pandolf was so bored), but then I remembered I own a sanding machine and it went a lot faster. So much so that my mum said I should make a second rung while I was at it—she was motivated to replace all of them, but then it started raining and we decided the rest of the ladder is solid enough and we'll replace the rungs two at a time.

I always forget that it feels satisfying to fix things! There's this little spark of pride from then on when you look at the repaired thing because you helped make it. I tend to procrastinate because I assume it'll take ages or I'm worried I'll do it wrong, until someone who's more confident with their hands than me goes like "no come on, we just need a saw, a file, a hammer, it'll take an hour tops" and we do it and it's never as difficult as I feared. (My mum: "We gave you a toy toolbox when you were little, to smash sexist stereotypes, and you're afraid of fixing things :( ...") (I cheered her up by reminding her that my brother smashes sexist stereotypes by being also afraid of fixing things.)

But yeah I spent half an hour sanding down the sides of these two lower rungs and now I look at my ladder and remember the delightful feeling of getting the tapering just right and inserting them into their slots effortlessly like a VHS tape into a VCR. I have a whole new affection for my kitchen ladder now.