#destroy it /all/ man

[arcxnumvitae]

Part 8

He moved like a ghost through the manor with the bloody knife clutched in his hand. Every human servant he came across with their glazed eyes too much like his mother's fell to his weapon, adding red to the gore that covered him.

This whole manor, the years he had spent in service to it and its purposes...all for what? For his mother to die? No, the entire manor should be eradicated from existence.

At some point he came across a sword, one possibly meant to be a pretty piece of decoration. It was functional enough, and every person he came across fell with a single swipe. He didn't know where he was going until his body led him to what he recognized to be the master bedroom chambers. Mhoirbheinn pushed open the door, leaving a bloody silver and red handprint smeared against the fine wood.

Inside, the lady of the house sat at a table, wholly unaware of the carnage that had been taking place under her own roof. Her pale eyes settled on him, surprised, then disdainful upon recognizing him, only to turn to horror once she realized the blood that drenched him.

"What are you--" She made to rise, but it was too late. A few quick steps into the room and a single, deep drag of his sword against her throat sent a fountain of silver pouring from the woman's body as her hands flew to her throat. Mhoirbheinn turned and left the room, leaving her to slump lifeless to the floor.

His father's office soon loomed before him, and just as before, Mhoirbheinn pushed open the door. He was only a child, a sheltered pawn, when he first set foot in that office. Just as he had been all those years ago, his father was seated at his desk, the always-present mask on the man's face.

Even with the mask in place, the man's shock was palatable when he looked up to find his youngest standing before him, covered in blood and with a mania in his eyes that would send a shiver down the spine of even the most seasoned soldier. He stumbled to his feet.

"You--! You ungrateful child, what have you done?! What have you done?!"

Staring straight at the man, Mhoirbheinn didn't respond. He simply leapt towards his father, sword gripped tight in his hand.

---------

Blood dripped from the teen as he settled onto a couch in the sitting room. The sword had been abandoned at some point on the way, its mission done. He doubted he would need it anyways. From the silence that spanned throughout the whole manor, he suspected he had killed every last soul within it.

Well, save himself, of course. Mhoirbheinn stared unseeing into the crackling warmth of the hearth below, fingers idly toying with an ornate signet ring pilfered straight from the finger of his father's corpse. The family ring.

The entire Rathais line, completely eradicated, and all seemingly by a stranger with no ties whatsoever to them. To the entire Unseelie, it would seem as if the ancient noble line had been ended in one violent swoop without a single heir to carry on its prestige. What his father had feared most would come true in the end. Wasn't it hilarious?

Head tipping back, the youth burst into a bout of harsh laughter that echoed throughout the empty manor.

#{Mhoirbheinn Drabble #et fin! #death tw #violence tw #blood tw #he's not an okay dude! :-D #like I said in an earlier drabble some time back I think #had the king's soldiers not gotten to him when they did #he probably would've burned the house down too #destroy it /all/ man #yeah but what a time

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

More random Nimona headcanons

Bal is one of those people who isn’t allergic to anything except one random medication that no one uses 

Ambrosius calls him a lucky bastard every time it’s brought up because he’s allergic to everything 

His allergy list is at least three pages long and he doesn’t remember a single thing on that list 

Whenever they go out to eat Bal has to remind him “No you can’t eat that it has olives” “Not that either love it’s got lemon” and so on 

Most of his allergic reactions are pretty tame so he’ll eat it anyway

And it gives Bal and Nimona so much fucking anxiety 

One time Bal walked in on Nimona chasing Ambrosius around the kitchen yelling “Spit out the carrots Nemesis you don’t even like them that much!!” 

Whenever he eats alone he refers to it as a game of Russian roulette 

Bal refers to it as the reason he has high blood pressure

Because Bal and Ambrosius grew up in the limelight (for very different reasons) there are a million pictures of them through the years 

And they use those videos to bully the hell out of each other 

Bal can quote the video from the beginning of the movie not because it was an important moment in his childhood 

But because Ambrosius will quote it at the most random times throughout the day

Bal will do something small like kill a bug or chase out an animal that Nimona brought in

And he’ll hear Ambrosius mumble “I’m here to slay monsters and protect our kingdom”

He was a little worried Nimona would react badly to this habit but he started joining in 

One time he killed a spider and Ambrosius asks “Are you slaying monsters moonbeam?” Nimona yells from the other room “I’m so proud of him he’s truly protecting our kingdom” 

There are a million photos of baby Ambrosius on the internet 

And Bal made a PowerPoint presentation ranking their cuteness factor out of 10 (100 was the lowest score he got and it was a picture of him with the ugliest bowl cut you’ve ever seen)

And made Ambrosius sit through it 

That was the most loved and mortified he had felt in a long time

Nimona uses low-quality pictures of them as reaction photos 

There have been times when Nimona asks “Can we eat out tonight” and Bal tells her no and she sends him this 

He’ll text back “Is that my fucking wanted poster?!” 

She asked Ambrosius if there was any ice cream left and he said no he expected her to call him and complain he didn’t expect this 

He calls her yelling “When the fuck did that happen?!” 

And she hangs up immediately to let Bal deal with it

#nimona 2023 #Nimona movie #nimona headcanon #nimona #ballister boldheart #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister x ambrosius #goldenheart #im dedicated to destroying Ambrosius cool guy image #that man is a dork #a feral fucking loser #and I’m in love with him #when they were tricking the director Bal records it all #you can here him rewinding the video #which means he has a video of Nimona disguised as Ambrosius getting stabbed #and you think she wouldn’t use that as a meme? #you’re joking #someone take this movie away from me #they've invaded every part of my life #I cant even listen to music #I was listening to Hozier's new album and thought wow this is like Bal and Ambrosius #I just know Ambrosius was the sick kid growing up #I could write so much angst about that #I might do that next

[wherestoriescomefrom]

rian johnson took all that time, put in all that effort to make glass onion a fantastic period piece to the first four months of pandemic, a prescient narrative that anticipates the stupidity of rich billionaires, and then pulled the rug from under us because the world of benoit blanc just straight up doesn't have the mona lisa anymore

#Some geniuses in the notes are talking about how it wasn't the real mona lisa #And I'm editing my tags because tumblr is a website with minimal reading comprehension #But the POINT is that he went through all that effort to make the world canon complaint with ours #Only to DESTROY a cultural artefact real or not #Having massive political implications for the world #And that's what I was pointing out. Here and in another reblog that presumably no one will care to fish out #It's in the replies for those looking #Anyway I hope rian johnson makes ten of these without the mona lisa #Also as a side note. So many movies have ignored covid #Not this man. He's like no we'll include it. But if we divert from canon reality #We're going to destroy the mona lisa #Love that for him. Icon #hello void this is ridiculosity #knives out #glass onion #benoit blanc mysteries

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

The Justice League had been a pain in Dannys side the last few weeks. They insisted that Danny needed a mentor, someone who could help him right in his ever growing list of abilities and whatnot. Danny snuck into one of the JL meetings in the watchtower to find out the real reason and discovered they saw him as a massive powerhouse that needed to be brought into thier side so his power "doesn't fall into the wrong hands". Ick.

Phantom was also pretty sure this had something to do with the bat be it contingency plans or adoption papers that guy is never too far from the top of Dannys list of "people I want to punt into the abyss for the weekend"

Its not that Danny doesn't want the help, he just knows how the League would eventually view him. He is of Lazarus. He is part monster. He has been ever since he died. Danny no longer thinks like a human does, he's "too violent" "obsessive" and "impulsive" by League standards.

Unfortunately, Danny is wired like that. His people are a part of the Infinite Realms immune system and play a key role in its overall ecosystem. There are legitimate biological reasons hes like this, ones that keep him from fading. The League doesn't seem to understand and he can't explain it in further detail without revealing his own weakness and the weaknesses of others like him.

So he just keeps refusing thier help...until he finds someone who the League also don't "agree" with which was strange since he was on thier team.

Plasticman was an ex criminal who has temptations towards money and has a hard time resisting. The stretchy guy also could turn his body into any shape and stretch any length he wanted and had no regard for the human form. Danny was in awe but the moment he heard the guy make a funny joke he made a decision.

If he had to choose a mentor from the JL roster than he picked this guy.

He announced his decision at the next JL meeting sending the place into an uproar.

Alternatively: Danny gives no warning and Plastic man just gets surprised when this glowy kid and his green puppy appear in front of him smiling happily and introduced himself as his new sidekick.

#fanfiction prompts #prompts #dp x dc #danny fenton #danny phantom #the justice league #young justice #teen titans #maybe #batman #plastic man #yall plas is so caught off guard #that face when the massive powerhouse your team is terrified of and has been trying to recruit onto the path or rightousness chooses #the ex criminal bad influence as his mentor #oh and hes prophesied to murder you and destroy the world #yikes yikes yikes #the most compatent person on your team is losing his mind in so many ways #plas is so happy and so is Phantom #danny is so glad he can just casually do freaky body horror stuff around his new mentor and it doesnt bother him at all

[cairafea]

he makes this joke every time.

#sissel #yomiel #ghost trick #ghost trick phantom detective #ghost trick spoilers #art #my art #fanart #comic #halloween 2023 #bad horrible pun this joke has to have been done to death already #you wouldn't believe how long it took me do to the ghost world on god #all done in the mac equivalent of ms paint btw. yes those transparent people were painstakingly drawn by hand. #sissel thinks he's hilarious but it's not like anyone can see his jokes. his talent is being WASTED. #there's a reason sissel is purple yes. #the kids go ��nice costume” to yomiel every time. he's not wearing a costume. #depending on when you think this takes place it's absolutely hilarious #pre-canon? dead man answering the door (interrupted from plans of revenge) and getting his fashion sense annihilated by preschoolers. #post-canon? catsitter forced by wife to go answer the door and getting verbally destroyed by kids because she knew it'd be funny #deserve #no watermark or signature because i forgot again. and because it'd look out of place #the big brain play is to make a joke so bad they won't wanna steal and reupload your stuff anywhere #took off the halloween tag bc there are GT spoilers

[sensitiveheartless]

Ok, so Muppet AU! Every ability user in canon is a muppet, except for Dazai, who nullifies both abilities and the physical state of being a muppet!

Now that that’s established:

Bram is already kind of a muppet, right?

(Whenever Bram spreads the vampirism, the newly infected muppet just gains a pair of glued-in fangs)

Corruption is just muppet-Chuuya on a string, being swung wildly about like the killer rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Imagine you are a muppet for as long as you can remember, and then one weird human pokes you, and suddenly you are also human for the first time alsksjdjf

Oh and the best part of this AU is Ranpo!!! Because if Fukuzawa convinced Ranpo that he had an ability when he was fifteen, then that means that Fukuzawa simultaneously had to convince a human boy that he was a muppet.

And Ranpo believes this for years.

Ranpo, a human man: “Haha, I have the best ability in the agency! >:D”

Atsushi, a tiger-muppet who has just learned how all this works:

#this is how my brain copes with being cooped up apparently #I cannot properly express just how much the Ranpo bit has been making me crack up it makes me so happy #also holy shit dazai and fyodor’s dynamic is so funny too #breaking news: man has extremely antagonistic relationship with a muppet bent on destroying all muppets #the fuckingg— the alleyway scene. oh my gosh. DEAD APPLE #Dazai sitting at a table with TWO MUPPETS who then proceed to STAB HIM #Dazai having a normal one dkdjfjfjf #don’t mind me I’m losing it #bsd muppet au #bsd #my art #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs #bsd bram #bsd fukuchi

[fallenstarzz]

Thinking many many thoughts about how Jean was Riko's partner for a YEAR and was still rooming with Goon #3. Because that was how unwilling Riko was to let go of Kevin. And how that implies that Jean was placed as his partner both because of the practicality of Kevin being gone AND as a punishment for letting him go in the first place. Being partners with Jean could actually slow Riko down depending on how often he's hurt (because I don't think Riko was all that exempt from the rules to the point where his partner's performance would completely not matter) and he was still placed there. Riko was just THAT angry at him over Kevin's escape. And all the while he was keeping Kevin's side of room like an altar, even back when he didn't even think Kevin could PLAY, because of an injury he caused.

#'average aftg fan thinks about Kevins side of the room once a day.' factoid. headboard georg (me) is thinking on it at all times #everything about the perfect court makes me so absolutely insane i am chewing on glass #do you guys think that Jean would still have distracted Riko if he knew Kevin was going to leave? #moreover. do you guys REALLY think Jean didn't at least suspect he was leaving #because tsc is probably going to prove me wrong but I think he would and he knew #anyway. i said it before and i will say it again #the kevriko toxic teen girl homoerotic friendship rizz is unparalleled #riko moriyama the man that you are. they could never make me think you're uninteresting I want to use your brain as a saltshaker #I don't think Riko (or Tetsuji for that matter since he prompted it) ever actually realised what Kevin's injury MEANT. like for real #it wasn't putting him in his place it was destroying the very idea of the perfect court. it was DONE #if Kevin hadn't recovered. if the plot of AFTG hadn't happened. how long would it have taken for Riko to realize #that HE killed the very thing he built his life around and was just dragging it behind him like a corpse (Jean) #kevin day #riko moriyama #jean moreau #the sunshine court #all for the game #the perfect court

[quasi-normalcy]

Just watched Monkey Man and I can't recall the last time I've seen an action movie that was that overtly political. Like, it's set in India (the movie is in American/Canadian coproduction) and so it's somewhat distanced from the NorthAmerican context, but it's still very much a movie with a major plot point of the hero organizing an army of Hijras to murder the shit out of the chief of police, a corrupt conservative religious leader, and a bunch of transparent stand-ins for the BJP.

Also, it's really good.

#monkey man #dev patel #basically imagine John Wick but instead of celebrating all of the sleek high culture #the point is very much to destroy it

[medicalunprofessional]

never change, man !

#phantom of the paradise #potp #swan potp #nightmaretheater #65 layers and about 24 hours . Eeeyyuppp #Look into my beautiful mind boy #Its a bit unusual to what i usually draw #but i had to push a specific look for this piece #hopefully you all are picking up on the corperate look . the advertisment look #Sneeze. Anyways my point is industry destroys creative people. This includes swan #I feel like phrases like these ; how he was put on a pedistal…. it lead him to be Like That #as awful as he is he desperately needed help #it might seem like vanity on the surface #but i think its… more than that #long story short: we need to destroy the beauty industry. the skincare industry. the anti-aging industry #It ruined his psyche forever and he cant let go of the ideal version of himself he will never truly be again #i dont think he can at this point. hes in too deep and hes suffering for it no matter how much he feels hes fixed his problems #he cant accept a version of himself that isnt that perfect young man. because he never confronted his problems. he just ran away #anyways . Hi swath *punches him**kicks him* #i dont care if nobody gets me lalalalla my truths and headcanons are awesome forever and i live in my own reality lallaallal #sorry i think im gonna be posting about swan alot for a few months hes making me sick #i wass gonna post this earlier but my internet was real bad #*lays down in my pile of pillows* eat up boys. haha #sidenote: drawing white blond people is horrifiying. Boy your skin and hair are the same color. Introduce some contrast to yourself. Please #adding on: its inportant to note this focuses on him looking st himself in the mirror alot on purpouse #to remind himself what he ‘’’’really’’’’ looks like #the 4 middle pannels all represent that too . u have to be in my brain ri get this #sorry for unleashijg another swan essay in my tags. will happen again lol

[cutter-kirby]

he’s a babygirl he’s a failwife he’s a losercore dumbass and he’s the most love-filled man to ever exist

#lighthearted ofc #i just think he’s neat #local man gets his heart ripped out and is like ‘but? I gotta go save my daughter??’ #also there’s something about #the thing you’re trying to destroy being the only thing keeping you alive #like woah!! #also he’s just funny #’hey don’t I get a say in this??’ #SIR #re8 #resident evil 8 #resident evil village #pulling out all the tags when I make an actual post lol #ethan winters #1k #!?!?!?!?!?! #thank you??? #i'm so glad you guys appreciate the funny biteable mold man <333 #2k #3k

[malifiquemakes]

New blood, old wounds

#it's a crime how little he was #Obito was right to want to destroy the system #it's incredible that Kakashi endured so much yet grew up to be a kind and gentle man #best guy of all time #hatake kakashi #anbu kakashi #naruto fanart #malifique art

[mishy-mashy]

Theory: some High-Ends use the corpses of past OFA users

There aren't tons of High-Ends. They can't be mass-produced so easily, and there's only one that's blatantly female, literally named Woman and with a tall, defined figure

Maybe Woman's original identity is already confirmed, but... she's similar to Nana in build, isn't she?

It's hinted that All For One actually kept Nana's corpse. How, 20+ years later, could he give Tenko his grandmother's pristine hand? Is he just keeping their hands? Or their actual corpses?

Also, when looking at corpses to give multiple Quirks to, One For All users are the best for this. Having inherited One For All, their bodies had maintained multiple Quirks when they were alive, even if they couldn't use more than their natural Quirk and One For All's physical ability. And to their bodies, One For All doesn't count as just one Quirk; the natural one, and Yoichi, are already too much for a human. But Shinomori shows that it counts each previous user's Quirk, on top of Yoichi's and one's own natural one.

Their bodies adjusted to holding multiple Quirks, and when they were alive, they didn't become deformed or lose brain function. They were perfectly fine, and only had shortened lives—but that doesn't matter as corpses.

Nomus go brain dead when they have multiple Quirks. But the past users didn't, being completely fine, making them perfect for Nomu development.

High-Ends can think. They're all physically powerful, and One For All users make the best basis, even from leftover embers and physique. So why not use that great base to make the best outcome Nomus (High-Ends)?

#originally this was going to focus on how hood could be shinomori cuz a lot of things line up #like pants; avoiding the strongest couldve been tweaked to looking for the strongest; that afo didnt know his face so named “Hood” #for theming; Endeavor burning him and saying to rest (shinomori gets a cremation and can relax [OFA]; and so on #but nope Hood is confirmed to be a boxer from some ring #(and the fact endeavor says Hood is like him from the past or future.. and that shinomori wanted to grow his strength as much as possible) #(for the factor.. so technically he wanted to be the strongest......) #BUT NOPE HOOD IS NOT SHINOMORI #it would really make sense if he were though #man #mha #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #nana shimura #woman #nomu #ofa #one for all #spoilers #hikage shinomori #yoichi shigaraki #afo #all for one #imagine afo is keeping their corpses and sets them loose on midoriya who just destroyed the last of the consciousnesses #darkkk #edit: its mentioned shinomori had an autopsy so we know his cause of death AND GARAKI WORKS IN THE MORGUE. #GARAKI WAS ALIVE BACK THEN YKNOW #GARAKI WAS ALIVE FOR ALL THE USERS. HE COULD HAVE PRESERVED THEIR CORPSES AND TURNED THEM TO NOMUS

[chaoticas-hell]

I feel bad for Kevin that Neil's captain. Not because I think Kevin should be captian- fuck no. That man shouldn't be allowed to be captain. No, I feel bad because now Neil will have to do more press interviews as captain, and Neil famously can't keep his fucking mouth shut. He takes years off Kevin's life each time a camera is in his face. A moment of silence for poor Kevin 😔

#Andrew on the other hand loves seeing his man verbally destroy people #aftg #all for the game #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil #the kings men #tkm #kevin day #david wymack

[assiraphales]

one of the funniest things is during all nine episodes luffy did not actively have one single plan except "become the worlds greatest pirate and find the one piece". he spent at max a month? less? at sea and everything he accomplished (taking down FOUR feared pirates in like a week, stealing the grand line map, finding a faithful and loyal crew, getting a bounty of 30 million on his head, etc) was mostly by accident. he stumbles into trouble and then proceeds to become the trouble

#one piece #opla #one piece live action #one of ur men pick up a barrel in a raid and a manic stowaway convinces ur henchman to turn against you and then destroys your ship. some k #you want the grand line map so u kidnap this kid and he takes ur dismembered body parts and traps them in trunks and scares ur crew off #u spend a decade running a long con to get all the money from a ship yard and this rando shows up on the night of your big plan and foils it #literally sends u packing by flinging u out a window #ur a feared warlord fish man but ur pet cartographer just happens to be friends with the one person willing and capable to destroy #everything you have. His friends kill all ur men. turns ur base into ruble #and he walks away without a scratch #luffy doesn’t have problems he’s everyone else’s problem lmaooo

[phosmic]

hooked up to my copium oxygen tank as we speak (x)

#scribblescrabble #csm #angel devil #aki hayakawa #akiangel #chainsaw man #drug use - #click the link for full image i know damn well tumblr is going to destroy this #not pictured while theyre at this american fair: denji and power getting kicked out because they keep destroying the game stands #power is doing it on purpose to be fair.................................... #anyways i have to get all this cutesy stuff outta my system its time for angst

[little-pondhead]

Some fic because I love your au, Fenton is gender brainrot, and little baby dan cracks me up. Full disclosure, my only familiarity with DC is DP crossover fanfic, and a Batman movie I fell asleep during. (If I had a better grasp on the characters I would totally write more :(( i love interactions) also sorry for the weird spacing. Idk why tumblr did that

~~~~~~~~

There was an empty cardboard box on the table of the Justice League’s main conference room. Taped on the top flap, next to a doodle of Fenton’s logo, was a jump drive.

Heaving a sigh, Batman plugged it in and pulled up his screen on the projector. The drive, which was named “little baby dan’s evil playtime”, contained two files; WATCH_ME_FIRST.mp4 and its-a-secreeeet.pdf. He clicked on the video file, and immediately the projector filled with a blurry close-up of Fenton’s goggles.

After a moment of fiddling with the camera, Fenton stepped back, giving a cheery wave. His lab coat and goggles were a pastel pink, which was new. “Heeeeya, Bats! Whoever else is there! If you’re watching this, you probably weren’t there when I dropped the box off, aaand it’s probably empty.”

He clapped his hands together gleefully. “And Connie, if you’re there, this is payback for cussing around my daughter.” Batman was instantly relieved that Constantine wasn’t on base. Hopefully the situation wouldn’t require Constantine’s expertise. (Or any of the Justice League Dark. Fenton seemed determined to drive them all to an early grave with his casual refusal to acknowledge the supernatural air around him.)

“Now, as you’re all heroes, I’m sure you’re all familiar with the whole,” Fenton paused for a moment, as if searching for the proper words. “”You ate a burger on a Tuesday or something equally inane, and it kickstarted a series of events that led to you going insane and evil and murdering 95% of the Earth’s population and now you must fight your evil alternate self, because your time-controlling cryptid Peepaw said so,” shtick, so I’ll skip the backstory. Say hi to Dan!” Fenton grabbed the camera, and Batman quickly jotted down several notes about the concerning number of things the boy had just said.

The camera swiveled around to show Nightingale, holding a strange beast in a manner that reminded Batman of an “elongated cat meme” Nightwing had shown him when he was still a Robin. The creature bared a maw full of razor sharp fangs at the camera. Nightingale adjusted her grip to hold the creature’s paw and make it wave, which evoked a deep growl.

“Haha, he’d kill me if I did that. Dan likes Nightingale much more than he likes me.”

“Because the worst she has ever done is attempt to shoot me.”

The camera had moved, so Batman couldn’t visually confirm that the deep voice had come from the creature, but the voice didn’t match any of Fenton’s previously revealed companions. “Yeah yeah, her aim sucked back then.” Fenton gave the camera a toothy grin that was only slightly less unnerving than the creature’s. “Dan’s not technically me, he’s much more like Dani, actually, but the world would probably end again if we left him with his other... What did you call him?” Fenton glanced offscreen.

“Bane of my accursed existence.”

Fenton chucked. “The other half responsible for his existence.” Batman added more notes to his file. “So, yeah, Clocky left him with us for a bit to help along his rehab. But a certain psychologist-in-training I know says that repressing rage isn’t healthy, and even without a lot of his powers, he can wipe out most of a city in- what, an hour? We tested it. It was around an hour.”

Everyone present shared a look of deep concern. As if able to see their reaction, Fenton quickly held up his hands in surrender. “Don’t worry! Clocky reset it. Approximately zero people have died from Dan in this timeline.”

“Yet.” Came a furious rumble from off-screen.

“Yes, you’re very scary.” They heard Nightingale coo.

Fenton laughed. “Yeah, we need him- and all of you, -out of our hair for a bit while we concoct more evil plans, and you’re all the least likely to die to him, so you get to babysit! Thanks!”

He reached to shut off the camera before pausing and turning away. “Foley! Which of the furries is the one who really likes animals?”

“Man, do you realize how that sounds out of context?” Foley laughed. “I think Tim said it’s the little one. Damian?”

Fenton nodded and turned back to the camera. “Don’t let Damian try to adopt Dan. Or anyone. Dan will bite their hands off. I mean it!” To emphasize his point, he removed one of his hands.

Batman sighed and added “ability to remove limbs” to a list of Fenton’s powers.

“I’ll include a list of “tasks”” Fenton’s disembodied hand made finger quotes, “we gave Dan to keep him occupied. There’s some at the bottom for you guys. They’re mostly just blatant abuse of his powers for the sake of fun and science. I’d appreciate it if you’d let him mark things off the list and add notes on how it goes. Or you can do it. Or I can steal your cameras. Your choice.”

He thought for a second. “I think you’re supposed to leave, like, pizza money or something, but I don’t think you can get pizza delivered to space. Anyway, thanks for letting me blab your ears off while Dan’s probably committing war crimes for twelve minutes. For your sake, I hope he inherited my interest in space. Good luck! Thanks for babysitting!”

Waving with his still detached hand, Fenton ended the video. Batman closed it and opened the PDF as the few other members present murmured amongst themselves. Most of the pages were filled with a curling script Batman didn’t recognize. The fourth page had a huge, bolded header, reading JP TASKS.

The door opened and shut in half a second as the Flash burst in. “Superman!” The speedster wailed. “I can’t get this thing off of me!”

The Flash waved his arm around, sending small droplets of blood flying as he tried to dislodge the creature sinking his teeth into the speedster’s arm. Batman raised an eyebrow beneath his cowl as Superman quickly lent his super strength in attempt to pry the creature’s jaw open. Dan didn’t budge.

Well, he could certainly see the family resemblance been Fenton, Dani, and Dan. Shaking his head, he turned back to the list.

Task 1: Find Dan. He’s probably attacking someone.

He highlighted the text and crossed it out. This was going to be a long shift.

[Anon, this is me crying over the wonderful gift you have given me. You bastard.]

---

"Do you think Fenton's regeneration powers extend to his..." Green Lantern frowned, trying to remember the word the kid had used but coming up blank. "I dunno. But do you think if we cut off little Dan here, he'll heal back up with no problem?" He gestured helplessly to the scene in front of him. Flash was still screeching about the beast on his arm, and now Superman and Wonder Woman were trying to pry him off. Batman was standing to the side, silently bemoaning the lack of quiet. He just wanted one peaceful shift. Just one. Please.

"I'd like to see you try, hero. And I'm not little." Dan spoke, startling all of them. His grip on Flash's arm tightened, making the speedster squeal before releasing the man and spitting out a mouthful of his blood. Batman noticed that his mouth didn't move despite the clearly spoken words. In fact, when Dan closed his mouth, it was like he didn't have one at all.

"So you do speak!" Superman marveled.

"Of course I do. I am not unintelligent, unlike you lot."

Despite his pain, Flash still made sounds of protest that everyone promptly ignored.

Superman flushed. "I just wasn't sure. It was hard to tell in the video."

"Ah, yes. The video that the Fenton menace sent you. Was there a note for me in the flash drive?"

"Uh, no." In one of his less finer moments, Green Lantern stuttered over his words and moved in front of Batman, obviously lying. Dan merely growled and flew through both men, heading straight for the giant monitor. Batman barely suppressed a shiver. Density shifting? Might as well add it to the list. He could see Martian Manhunter, who was in the back of the room, tilt his head at the display.

Dan ignored the room as he used his entire body to manipulate the computer mouse and scrolled back up to the top of the page. Staring intently at the scribbles no one could make out, the heroes could do nothing but shoot each other nervous and confused glances. More than a few of them jumped when Dan chuckled deeply. Honestly, his tiny body was at complete odds with his baritone voice.

"Maybe rehab will be fun if he's letting me do this." Dan sneered, flashing their reflections a sharp fang. No one wanted to ask what exactly he was in rehab for. The little beast turned his gaze to Batman. "You are the one called Batman, who rules the cursed city, correct?" The dark hero nodded, not trusting himself to say anything. "Excellent. You will be my chaperone for now, just as Fenton decreed it. Good luck, mortal man. Pray, I do not destroy your home a second time."

Without any time to unpack that conversation, Dan promptly disappeared from view. Some blinking text caught his attention, and Batman scrolled back down to the English text, glancing at the next few items on the list.

Task 2: Do not let Dan read his portion of this letter until you have a way to track him. There is no containing him.

Task 3: Keep him with a chaperone at all times. (If you can)

Task 4: Do not let Dan back into Gotham unless you're fine with a sudden decrease in the clown population.

Task 5: Take him for a walk in Death Valley. He likes hunting lizards.

Task 6: Make sure he goes down for his 2pm nap every day.

Task 7: He'll ask for it, but do not give him any burgers for mealtime. It upsets his stomach.

Task 8: Dan gets ONE(1) sweet after dinner before brushing his teeth. Those green pop rocks Batman always carries will do fine; he likes those. :)

A sudden alarm blared from his wristwatch, making Batman tear his eyes away from the screen, indicating an emergency at Arkham. This time, Batman actually sighed out loud. There was more to the list, but right now, he really needed to find their new charge before he killed the Joker, from the sound of it.

#pondhead replies #anon let me kiss you on the mouth (platonically) #danny phantom #little baby man danny #except he's dan #supervillain danny au #god i can't get the elongated cat meme image out of my head #you are a genius #if you didn't catch it gotham was the city he destroyed #what did fenton tell him to do you ask? #well dan is very good at hunting #causing chaos and bringing certain peoples to justice all over the world #like a reverse santa #he also gave dan permission to go buck wild on the joker if batman brought him to gotham #if batman didn't STOP his escape to gotham #that counts right? #long post #dpxdc