#delighted to announce that this book turned me inside out and ate my heart

[lesamis]

‘On Secrets’, in Madness, Rack, and Honey by Mary Ruefle

#delighted to announce that this book turned me inside out and ate my heart #and i'm only like??? a few chapters in #there's another quote that Got Me i'll try to find it later #but god. goddamn. #words #mary ruefle

[scuttle-buttle]

Psychopathia Sexualis - Chapter 1

Sequel to The Interpretation of Dreams

Pairing: Modern AU Professor Laszlo Kreizler x Fem!Reader

Summary: After experiencing a whirlwind enemies-turned-lovers romance with the imposing Professor Laszlo Kreizler, things have been wonderful for you. Your studies are coming along, work is enjoyable, and you are in a stable relationship with the man you believe to be the love of your life. Suddenly, everything threatens to come crashing down with the arrival of a face from the past. Will jealousy and desire consume you and destroy the love you finally found?

WC: 1116

Rated: M (will increase in later chapters)

Chapter Tags: domestic fluff, age difference, technically student/teacher relationship, mentions of daddy kinks & sugar daddies

🧠

Time passed quickly since the day you and the doctor finally admitted your feelings for each other. After that you were practically inseparable. You resumed work as his TA, only occasionally getting distracted, but the term was over after a few short weeks anyway. You had agreed to keep everything rather low key, so as not to encourage the wrath of the university. There was no actual rule against graduate students coupling with professors. Nevertheless, the practice was often frowned upon, and you didn’t want Laszlo to get in trouble. If anyone asked, you were just ‘friendly coworkers that sometimes ate meals together after work’. Most didn't pay attention to you anyway since you weren't friends with any underclassmen. Despite the fifteen year age difference you were both on the same page with the seriousness of the relationship. You knew how you felt about each other.

Sara and John found out right away. Because they had expected it to happen anyway there was no reason to hide it from them. The two were beyond happy for you. Whether Laszlo had noticed John slip a twenty dollar bill into Sara’s hand after the admission you’ll never know; at your raised brow John just shrugged and said that it was "about damn time". Bitsy was equally as delighted for you. She wouldn’t admit it, but she was also glad you would be out of the house more often so that she could spend time with her own boyfriend, Lucius.

Now, you are laying on your Laszlo’s bed scrolling through social media. The wintery weather outside his bedroom window gives you a chill despite the warmth of the fireplace he has burning. You were still not over just how nice his place was. It was in a rather upscale part of town and was roughly three times the size of your place. The townhouse style was similar in fashion to his office at the university - full of dark ornate wood and books and even a chandelier in the foyer. When you had asked how he afforded something like this in the heart of the city, he had just said a wealthy great uncle or other had left it in the family. With Laszlo being the only surviving member he inherited it.

Your love was getting himself ready in the bathroom. He had a department meeting to attend on campus in an hour. Tomorrow the new spring term would begin, and you were to resume your post as his TA. An errant thought crosses your mind as you admire the expensive looking painting hung on his wall.

“Laz?”

“Yes, Bärchen?” his response echoes in the large bathroom. You smile at the nickname, little bear. He’d given it to you because he said your presence was like that of a bear, ready to fight to protect herself and those she cared about.

“Are you my sugar daddy?” You can see his reflection in the mirror. He looks scandalized by the implications of your question.

“What would prompt you to ask that?” A blush forms on the apples of his cheeks.

“I mean think about it, I spend time with you - an older, exceedingly handsome, wealthy man - and in return I get orgasms and nice things.” Truth is, you are joking entirely, you know the relationship is conventional. You just like to watch him squirm with teasing like this.

He walks into the bedroom and picks his sweater off the bed next to you. “You're teasing me," he accuses with a grin. "I hardly think it can be considered as that sort of arrangement when you get paid because you are employed to work for me. It is merely happenstance that the other characteristics should parallel themselves to that of a…” he searches for the words, “financial benefactor.” You laugh at his unwillingness to say ‘sugar daddy’. “As for the orgasms…” he smirks and drops a kiss to your head.

He finishes dressing as you bury yourself under the duvet. “What are your plans while I’m detained?”

“I don’t know, figured I would just take it easy today. I need to be well rested for my first day at work tomorrow - I hear some pretty ruthless things about this German doctor I’m going to be working with.” You get off the bed and wrap your arms around Laszlo’s waist. “But I don't know, I think I’ll like the guy.” He leans in to give you a chaste kiss.

Checking his watch he sees that he needs to leave lest he be late for the meeting. “You’re welcome to stay here while I’m gone. It shouldn’t be more than an hour or two at most. Perhaps we will go to Delmonicos for dinner to celebrate the beginning of a new term.”

“Sounds great, daddy,” you wink. Normally you didn’t tease him this much, but you were in a playful mood.

He rolls his eyes. “Remind me why it is that I tolerate you?”

“‘Cause you love me,” you retort with a broad smile.

He brings your hand up, kissing the back of it as he turns to leave. Softly he whispers “Indeed I do.”

_

Laszlo fiddles with the pen in his hand. The upcoming semester was no different than previous ones. He had stopped taking ‘notes’ long ago as the head of the department continued to drone on. Laszlo would admit, the meeting had drawn on longer than anticipated and he had lost focus on the last few minutes. He would rather be at home in your company than here.

“Before we end the meeting I do have one last exciting announcement - many of you have been around long enough to remember, but we are pleased to be welcoming back Dr. Stratton as a visiting professor this semester!” the department head cheered. At the mention of a Dr. Stratton Laszlo perked up.

“Dr. Karen Stratton will be conducting outside research in the city, so I have asked that she grace us with her presence in teaching an elective on her speciality: sexual deviancy. Unfortunately, she is on a flight to the states as we speak, otherwise I know she would be here to greet you all herself.”

Karen was coming to New York?

The thought excited him, as he hadn’t seen her since he moved to the States four years ago. He and Karen had followed each other's work for years before meeting at a symposium in Vienna almost six years prior. The two remained close until he accepted the current position and fell out of touch.

Meeting over, Laszlo sent you a text to be ready for Delmonico’s when he got home. He had much to look forward to this term.

Tag list

@hardlyinteresting @lorna-d-m @livvyshmiv @somethingthatsaysbubbles @greeneyedblondie44 @unbeatablecurlgirl @apparrio @marchingicenotes7 @anteroom-of-death @bruhidaniel @lemairepstuff @thehuiabird @zemosimp05 @alindeluce @iamnotthecatladynextdoor @laura-naruto-fan1998 @trelaney @boneheadduluc @i-am-dead-inside-666 @fictionlandslanddreams @thatoneartgalsstuff @hb8301 @fandom-princess-forevermore @foggycandywitch

#Psychopathia Sexualis #the interpretation of dreams #laszlo kreizler x reader #laszlo x reader #laszlo kreizler #laszlo kreizler x reader smut #modern laszlo kreizler #professor laszlo kreizler au #the alienist #the alienist angel of darkness #daniel brühl #daniel bruhl #daniel bruhl laszlo kreizler #laszlo kreizler fanfic #scuttle-buttle

[july-jackson]

Tove’s Prince

Short, smutty story. Loki/Ofc. 18+

                                         ++++++++++++++++++

Tove balanced five large round plates of well-done steak in her arms, that she was sure were all for Volstagg. She could hear the rowdy laughter and chatter through the doors of one of the palace dining halls as she got closer. Using her shoulder to push open the heavy door, she was greeted by a loud cheer from the huge, red-haired warrior, who banged his fists against the table in eager anticipation of his meal. 

“Good woman, thank goodness you are here, I am wasting away,” Volstagg boomed. 

“Wasting away? Volstagg, you ate a whole roasted goat not more than an hour ago,” Sif exclaimed, rolling her eyes at the larger man’s relentless appetite. 

“Volstagg, as affable as you are, wouldn’t it be more acceptable to use the young lady’s name?” Loki spoke up from his seat directly across from Volstagg. 

All eyes on the table were on Loki, but Loki’s eyes were on Tove. She felt his unwavering gaze on her, her skin tingled with heat as she unloaded the plates from her arm. 

“If I knew her name, I would use it,” Volstagg answered back, ripping into one of the steaks the second she had put the plate down. 

“Her name is Tove,” Loki stated, still staring at her with piercing eyes. 

Tove’s eyes flicked up towards him, then back down to the table just as quickly,  He knows my name.  

“Tove? Would you please fetch more wine, Thor has almost drunk the lot and I’ve barely had a drop,” he asked, ignoring Thor’s annoyed expression. 

“Of course, Prince Loki,” Tove replied, hurrying out of the room. She closed the door and leant herself against it, taking a deep breath in to steady herself. She could still feel his eyes on her, as though he could see her through the door. 

Why was he staring at me like that?  

Whatever the reason was, Tove couldn’t shake the warmth that he’d created inside of her. Back in the kitchens, she leant forward into the sink and brought handfuls of cold water to her flushed cheeks.  

“Shouldn’t you be heading home, Tove?” one of the kitchen servants asked. 

“I’m just going to take some wine up to Thor and the others and then I’m done here,” Tove replied, wiping her wet hands on her apron. 

“They’re still going?!” 

“Oh yes, I don’t think they’ll be done anytime soon, either.” 

“I’ll get Arne to take over,” the older servant said with a sigh of irritation. 

Tove gave a sympathetic smile, nobody liked serving when Thor started a dinner party, they ate and drank for hours. She picked up the large pitcher of wine and several fresh goblets, hearing the older woman screeching loudly for Arne as she made her way up the steps. 

Back in the dining hall, she laid out the goblets and poured fresh drinks for everyone, starting with Thor and working her way around the table. Volstagg made an effort to thank her using her name, as did the others, but Loki remained silent. In fact, he didn’t even look at her as she stood by him to pour the red liquid into his goblet. There was a sudden coldness about his demeanour, it sent a chill through her. Before, his eyes had been burning into her, now there was no feeling in them, his gaze fixed on his plate instead. He mumbled his thanks as he pushed food around his plate with a fork, his silence was pronounced amongst the din from the others, but no one else seemed to notice. She left without a word, but she was sure that he had glanced up at her as the door was closing. 

                                       +++++++++++++++++++

Once she got home, she kicked off her shoes and hung up her apron. Relief washed over her as she hurried up to her room, tugging at her dress until her flesh was exposed to the cool air. Something on her bed caught her eye, making her gasp, for it was not there when she had left the house this morning. She walked over to the single white rose that lay on her pillow and picked it up, there had been no one else in her house all day, a prickle of fear stabbed at the base of her spine, crawling up towards her neck. Tove looked around her room, opening cupboards and checking under her bed. Whoever had left the flower hadn’t left a note, she had no idea how they had got in or why they chose to remain anonymous. 

Tove took out a dagger from her bedside table and stashed it under her pillow, then slipped into bed, pulling the blankets all the way up to her chin before her eyes grew heavy and she drifted off.  

“Tove?”  

Tove spun round in the empty dining hall, there was no one in the room with her.

“Did you like it when I looked at you, Tove?”  

She knew the voice; it came from the shadows in the darkened corners.  

“Is that you, Prince Loki?”  

The fireplace in the room ignited, illuminating the slender figure of the dark-haired Prince.  

“You didn’t answer my question. Did you like it when I looked at you. Did you feel something?”  

Tove pulled at her apron, he was watching her intently as he flipped a dagger in his hand.  

“Yes...” she said quietly.  

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear you. Louder.”  

“Yes! I liked it when you looked at me,” she repeated, more forcefully.  

“How did it make you feel?” Loki asked, tilting his head to the side.  

“Excuse me?” Tove blushed.  

“It’s a simple question. Did it make you burn inside? Did it make you want more?” he drawled, moving closer to her with slow steps.  

“I don’t want to answer that.”  

“Why not? Are you ashamed of what you felt?” he asked, right in front of her now.  

“No... I mean... I didn’t feel anything,” Tove stuttered.  

Loki leaned in, close enough for Tove to feel him against her. He reached behind her, his hair brushed against her cheek, and she stifled a shiver. He smelled like freshly cut wood and bergamot, the scent was heady. Before she could lose herself to the ripples of delight that radiated from her core, he pulled back, holding an apple in his hand.  

“Liar,” he smirked, slicing into the green fruit with his dagger.  

“What do you want from me?” she asked, observing him from under heavy lids.  

“Looks like our time is up,” Loki replied.  

“I don’t understand...”  

“It’s time to wake up,” he smiled.  

Tove blinked her eyes in the sunlight that streamed through her open window, the dream still fresh in her mind. She clenched her thighs together, her core throbbing in response to her arousal at the images her mind had conjured up. 

“What was that all about?” she asked herself aloud. 

She threw off her covers and stretched in the warm rays, there was little time for her to reflect on the content of her dream, she had to get to work in the palace kitchens. If she hurried, she could grab a quick breakfast from Signe before she began her work. 

                                         ++++++++++++++++++

“Good morning, Signe,” she called out to the elder maid, the smell of bacon and eggs greeted her. 

“Good morning, Tove, help yourself,” Signe replied as she came out of the storeroom with her arms full of food. 

“Signe, let me help you,” Tove rushed towards the kindly woman, taking some of the items that weighed her down. 

“I swear, they eat more and more these days. Thor almost rivals Volstagg with his appetite,” Signe complained. 

“He’s a hungry one, that’s for sure,” Tove laughed. 

“Now eat, I’ll start the cooking. When you’re finished, can you prepare Queen Frigga’s fruit?” Signe asked. 

“The usual?” Tove asked, knowing what the answer would be. Frigga was always the first of the royal household to wake up, she always started her day with a plate of apples, berries and a few nuts. 

Signe gave a sharp nod, accompanied by a grunt of agreement. She was busy cracking eggs and whisking them up. Tove wolfed down the last of her bacon and started on Frigga’s breakfast, preparing them the same way she always did. She took the plate and began to leave the kitchens when Signe waved her hand and motioned for her to stop. 

“Can you take this to Prince Loki?” Signe said, moving a large omelette and a dozen slices of bacon to a serving plate. 

“Loki?” Tove questioned. 

“Yes, is that a problem? Arne isn’t here today, he slipped on some spilled wine in the dining hall last night, we’re the only two on breakfast right now.” 

Tove, along with Arne and Signe were the first three in every morning, they served the royal family until the other staff arrived to begin helping with the cooking duties for the Einherjar. Arne was usually the one to serve Loki and Odin, Tove was tasked with serving Frigga and Thor. 

“Not a problem,” Tove replied, taking the extra plate from Signe. Her heart jumped a little, she had never been in Loki’s bedroom before. Would he stare at her like he did last night? His words from her dream rang clearly in her mind. 

Frigga’s room was first, Tove liked her the most, she was always smiling warmly when Tove entered with her meal.  

She knocked at the door, “My Queen, it’s Tove with your breakfast.” 

“Enter,” Frigga replied, greeting Tove and taking the plate from her at the door. Tove gave a small nod when Frigga thanked her and moved on to Loki’s room. 

Her knuckles struck the thick wood, announcing herself, “Prince Loki, I have your breakfast.” 

“Come in,” he called. 

Unlike Frigga, Loki did not meet her at the door, he remained in his bed. Loki was leafing through a book as she entered, his wavy black hair hung around his face. The blankets on his bed were pulled up to his navel, the pale skin of his chest was on display. 

“Place it on the table by the window, please.” 

Tove did as she was told, staring straight ahead as she walked towards the table. She could feel him peering over the top of his book at her, his eyes following her across the room. 

“Tove, was it?” he asked. 

“Yes...” Tove whispered, her mouth dry. 

“Do you like it?” he said, placing his book down in his lap. 

“I’m sorry?” 

“Working in the kitchens, do you like it?” 

“It’s as good as any other job, my Prince.” 

“You may go now,” he said, nodding his head towards the door. 

“Of course, enjoy your meal,” Tove said turning and leaving as quickly as she could, hearing him get up from his bed as she left the room. 

                                         ++++++++++++++++++

Back in her house, her working day finally over, when she had eaten and washed away the remnants of the day from her skin, there was little for her to do. She thought about reading one of her books, but her mind was elsewhere, too distracted to focus on a blossoming romance between the characters in the story. 

Do you really believe that he’s staring at you because he wants you? You’re a servant, he’s toying with you, that’s what he does.  

The voice in her head was right, Loki was known for his mischief. The idea that he might be messing with her for his own amusement was not so farfetched. Before she climbed into her bed, she checked under her pillow to make sure that her dagger was still there. 

“What the...” Tove exclaimed out loud.  

Around the handle of her dagger was a gold bracelet, in the shape of a snake eating its own tail, its eyes were emeralds. She took it off the end of her dagger, inspecting it in the light. It was finely carved, stunningly intricate, detailed right down to the individual scales along the snake’s body. Tove placed it on the table at the side of the single rose that she had put in a slim glass vase. The bracelet was expensive, that much she could tell, far more than she would ever be able to afford. Again, there was no note, no indication of who had been in her room to leave the gift. She hid the dagger back under her pillow before she got into bed, feeling uneasy about the mystery gift giver. The last thing she saw as she fell asleep, was the green eyes of the snake, glinting in the low light. 

“Tove?”  

This time she was in Loki’s room, stood at the foot of his bed, Loki sat at the table by the window, eating from the plate she had brought that morning.  

“This is delicious, did you make this?” he asked, mouth full of omelette.  

“No, Signe did.”  

“Then I’ll be sure to compliment her.”  

“What am I doing here?” Tove asked.  

“I wanted to talk to you,” he replied, rising from his seat and sauntering in her direction, the light skin of his bare, muscular torso was illuminated in the moonlight.  

“About what?” Tove said, moving backwards but instantly hitting the frame of his bed. He moved in close, right in front of her.  

“This morning, you called me your Prince,” he bowed his head down to her ear, “Is that what you want? For me to be yours?”   

His voice in her ear sent a tingle across the skin on her face, he delicately traced his fingers up her neck, across her jawline, brushing dark blonde curls away from her other ear.

“All you have to do, is say the word,” he whispered.   

Feverish with lust, Tove didn’t move, she didn’t speak, her heart was beating so hard in her chest that she feared that Loki could hear it. The lingering sensation of his soft fingers on her skin, made her feel intoxicated.  

“You liked my gifts, didn’t you?” Loki continued.  

“Your gifts?” Tove asked, stunned.  

“I have one final gift for you, but you have to want it,” he said, his lips hovering over hers, “Now, wake up.”  

“ Noo,” Tove complained as she opened her eyes to the new day. She had no idea why her brain was tormenting her so, she had never dreamt of Loki, never thought of him that way before she’d caught him staring at her. She ached to relieve the pressure that had built at her core, there was no doubt in her mind now that she desired the prince. She knew that he wasn’t really the one who had sent her the gifts, that her mind had just created Loki’s revelation from her desire for him and her confusion over the mystery of her admirer. 

She had no work today, the whole day to do whatever she wanted and so she had settled on taking a walk to the meadows that were north of the palace. They stretched on for miles, you could spend all day there and not see another soul. Once she was dressed into slim black trousers, a thin grey tunic and ankle high leather boots, Tove packed her book and some food and drink, grabbing a soft blue blanket to lie on and another smaller blanket to use as a pillow. Before she left her house, she doubled back and grabbed the gold bracelet from her table, slipping it over her hand. 

                                         ++++++++++++++++++

Tove walked for an hour, following a small river upwards towards the mountains, before she found the perfect place to set out her blanket. The meadow was filled with wildflowers of yellow and blue, the grass was tall enough that she could lie down and not be seen. She threw her blanket up into the air, shaking it a few times until it was straightened out. She had to roll around on the blanket a few times before the grass flattened beneath it, then she grabbed her book from her bag and the extra blanket, folding it up beneath her head.  

“Tove!”  

Tove opened her eyes, she was in the meadow, but the sun was no longer in the sky, she looked up to an inky black sky dotted with shimmering stars.  

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” Loki’s voice came from behind her.  

“Did I sleep all day?” Tove asked, turning to face him.  

“You’re still sleeping,” he replied, bending down to pluck one of the blue flowers, he twisted it between his thumb and finger. 

“Oh...”  

“You’re wearing the bracelet,” he noted, gesturing towards the gold band around her wrist.

“Seems a shame to keep such a beautiful thing hidden away," Tove said, lifting up her arm to admire the golden serpent.

“My sentiments exactly,” he smiled.  

“Why do I dream of you so often?”  

“Because I want you to,” he said softly.  

“This is your doing?” Tove blushed, feeling flustered.  

“I’ve been watching you, you interest me,” he explained, running a slim hand through his dark hair.  

“Me? I’m just a kitchen servant.”  

“Ohhh, you are so much more than that,” he said, advancing on her.  

“Please don’t toy with me,” Tove said.  

“Toy with you? Do you think giving you that bracelet is me just toying with you?”  

“I hear stories, in the palace. You love to play tricks, to tease people.”  

“If this was a game, you’d know about it,” he wrapped a hand around her waist, lowering the both of them onto the soft grass, “Do you want this?” he whispered into her ear.  

Tove trembled beneath him, nodding fervently.  

“Say it, out loud, tell me that you want me,” he demanded.  

“I want you,” she said quietly, her breath hitched in her throat. 

“Then wake up...”  

“Noo... Not again,” Tove complained, squinting in the sunlight. Her book was resting against her chest.

“Hello, Tove,” Loki said, standing over her, his shadow falling across her face.

Tove jumped at the sight of the prince hovering over her, “Prince Loki, what are you doing here?” 

He moved to the side, no longer blocking the sunlight from Tove’s eyes, she winced at the brightness. 

“I was out hunting with Thor, but I spied a much more valuable target,” he smiled and Tove felt a weakness that made her head feel fuzzy. 

“Well, I’m sure that Prince Thor would be disappointed at you abandoning him for a servant.” 

“He won’t mind, besides... I still have my final gift to give you.” 

Tove went cold, all the dreams, the mystery gifts, they really were Loki’s doing all along. 

“That really was all you? Why the secrecy, why didn’t you come to me in person?” she asked, sitting up as the revelation sunk in. 

“I enjoy the chase; it makes for excellent foreplay. And... I’m here now, in the flesh,” he said, circling around the edge of her blanket. 

“My Prince, I don’t think I’m what you’re looking for.” 

“I’ll decide what I want. You said it yourself, you want me. Why deny yourself the pleasure?” Loki shrugged.

“That was just a dream.” 

“That I created, for the sole intention of taking you for myself. Would you like to be mine, Tove?” 

Loki didn't wait for her answer, “There is no answer that you can give me that your own body hasn’t already told me, you could try to lie to me, but you'd be betrayed by your own heart. I can hear it, fluttering away beneath your breast, I can see the lust in your eyes, your chest rising and falling with your quickened breaths."

Tove knew he was right, and he was in complete control of her, all she had to do, was say the words he wanted to hear, “I want to be yours,” she answered, unable to contain herself anymore. 

“That’s what I like to hear,” he grinned, kneeling down beside her on the blanket, “I’m going to have you, right here.” 

“Outside? In the open? My Prince, what if someone sees us,” Tove said, looking around. 

“No one will see anything,” he said, bringing his lips down to hers. 

The electricity that surged through her as their lips touched, was almost too much to bear. Her body arched upwards in an effort to get closer to him, he responded by wrapping an arm around her and lifting her up onto his lap, sitting back so that she was straddling him. Loki deepened the kiss and pulled at the belt around her waist until it fell away. Running his hands up inside of her tunic, his fingertips trailing up and down her spine, she gave a shudder of pleasure. His hands moved to the edges of her tunic, breaking the kiss briefly as he tugged it over her head. Her clip fell from her hair, sending blonde curls tumbling around her shoulders, Loki tangled his fingers in them, pulling at her head until their lips met again. Tove ran her fingers up the nape of his neck, eliciting a moan from his lips that vibrated on her own, she kissed him more forcefully in response. 

Loki buried his face in Tove’s neck, planting light kisses beneath her ear and then tracing his lips softly across the smooth skin of her collarbone until he reached the top of her cleavage. His mouth inched slowly downwards, Tove gasped as his tongue flicked over the tip of her breast, still confined in the soft cotton of her bra. A blissful tingle radiated outwards across her chest. 

Tove gave a small cry when he suddenly stopped what he was doing, “Don’t stop.” 

“Beg me,” he said, his voice low but firm. 

She wasted no time in complying, “Please, my Prince, I’m begging you... I want more.” 

Pleased with her response, Loki ripped off her thin bra, casting it aside. Tove threw back her head, grinding against his lap as he took the soft pink nipple of her breast in his mouth, his tongue grazed along it as he sucked gently. He moaned as Tove writhed slowly, she felt the hardness of him beneath the leather, longing to feel it against her bare skin. He pushed her upwards to stand her up, getting back onto his knees and pulling her pants and underwear down to her ankles. Tove stepped out of each leg and kicked them behind her, Loki was looking up at the gift he had just unwrapped, taking in the sight of her naked body in the sunlight. 

“I want to taste you,” Loki growled, nestling his face between her lips and letting his tongue glide between them. 

Tove’s legs almost buckled right there, but her held her steady, his hands gripping onto her behind. He kissed gently at her clit, giving a gentle suck now and then, while Tove’s fingers found their way into his hair, her hips bucking forward firmly as an exquisite warmth developed at the base of her spine. Her movements became more urgent, she was desperate for release. 

“Not yet,” he said, pulling away and getting to his feet. 

His clothes disappeared in a flash of green, and Tove witnessed the prince in all his glory. She had little time to enjoy the visual feast, for he had her in his arms again, lifting her up with ease. His strong arms made her feel weightless, her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms draped over his shoulders. 

“My Tove,” Loki whispered, pressing himself up against her entrance. 

She kissed him hard, with a hungry desire, a silent permission to push further until he was deep inside of her. He nipped at her breasts lightly while his fingers dug into the flesh on her hips, guiding her steadily up and down, his cock sliding against her slick folds. There was a heat between them, in the places where their skin touched, their bodies moist with sweat. Their movements became faster, more erratic as they both lost their minds to the burning of their building climaxes. 

Loki’s head was resting against her chest, his hands splayed across her back, holding her firmly while she rocked herself up and down, her clit was rubbing against his abdomen. 

“Tove,” he moaned, passionately. His hips jerking rapidly upwards into her, his body trembling with each deep thrust. 

“My Prince,” Tove cried out, finally losing control in an explosion of overpowering pleasure. Her centre pulsed and she shuddered wildly. 

Loki’s eyes flashed as he watched Tove slip into a blissful abyss, her head rolling backwards. He continued his fervent thrusts, his lips hovering against her breasts as he fell from the precipice with loud groans of ecstasy. 

Loki lowered himself to his knees, laying Tove down on her blanket and lying next to her. He trailed his fingers over her stomach, waiting until her breathing had slowed and she was back in control of her senses. 

“You’re mine now,” he said with a wide grin, his playful eyes sparkling as he lifted her hand to his lips. 

“I’m yours.” 

#loki #loki laufeyson #mcu loki #smut #fanfic #fanfiction #loki fanfic #seduction #ofc #loki/ofc #explict

[aboveallarescuer]

Dany and Missandei’s relationship

This is a list of all the passages from the books featuring key moments in Dany and Missandei’s relationship.

Here is what some casual fans think of their relationship:

She has consistently appeared to forget about the people she’s conquered beyond their capacity to serve and obey her. And sure, Missandei is her best friend, but she’s essentially a token on Game of Thrones, meant to be a stand-in for the Unsullied as a whole, a relationship that convinces us Dany loves her people. But this doesn’t really align with the way Dany has treated all those other Unsullied.

All of this means that when we see Dany freaking out while Missandei dies, it rings more than a little hollow; Dany’s best friend may be a person of color, but that doesn’t make her less problematic as a white savior. (x)

I would argue that the books (and heck, the show as well!!!) tell a very different story.

A Dance with Dragons

ADWD Daenerys X

Jhiqui and Irri would be waiting atop her pyramid back in Meereen, she told herself. Her sweet scribe Missandei as well, and all her little pages. They would bring her food, and she could bathe in the pool beneath the persimmon tree. It would be good to feel clean again. Dany did not need a glass to know that she was filthy.

~

As the world darkened, Dany settled in and closed her eyes, but sleep refused to come. The night was cold, the ground hard, her belly empty. She found herself thinking of Meereen, of Daario, her love, and Hizdahr, her husband, of Irri and Jhiqui and sweet Missandei, Ser Barristan and Reznak and Skahaz Shavepate. Do they fear me dead? I flew off on a dragon’s back. Will they think he ate me?

ADWD Daenerys IX

“Even if the pits must open, must Your Grace go yourself?” asked Missandei as she was washing the queen’s hair.

“Half of Meereen will be there to see me, gentle heart.”

“Your Grace,” said Missandei, “this one begs leave to say that half of Meereen will be there to watch men bleed and die.”

She is not wrong, the queen knew, but it makes no matter.

~

As Jhiqui brushed Dany’s hair and Irri painted the queen’s nails, they chattered happily about the day’s matches. Missandei reemerged. “Your Grace. The king bids you join him when you are dressed. And Prince Quentyn has come with his Dornish Men. They beg a word, if that should please you.”

Little about this day shall please me. “Some other day.”

ADWD Daenerys VIII

“My queen?” said a soft voice in the darkness.

Dany flinched. “Who is there?”

“Only Missandei.” The Naathi scribe moved closer to the bed. “This one heard you crying.”

“Crying? I was not crying. Why would I cry? I have my peace, I have my king, I have everything a queen might wish for. You had a bad dream, that was all.”

“As you say, Your Grace.” She bowed and made to go.

“Stay,” said Dany. “I do not wish to be alone.”

“His Grace is with you,” Missandei pointed out.

“His Grace is dreaming, but I cannot sleep. On the morrow I must bathe in blood. The price of peace.” She smiled wanly and patted the bed. “Come. Sit. Talk with me.”

“If it please you.” Missandei sat down beside her. “What shall we talk of?”

“Home,” said Dany. “Naath. Butterflies and brothers. Tell me of the things that make you happy, the things that make you giggle, all your sweetest memories. Remind me that there is still good in the world.”

Missandei did her best. She was still talking when Dany finally fell to sleep, to dream queer, half-formed dreams of smoke and fire.

The morning came too soon.

ADWD Daenerys VII

Dany sat amongst the rumpled bedclothes with her arms about her knees, so forlorn that she did not hear when Missandei came creeping in with bread and milk and figs. “Your Grace? Are you unwell? In the black of night this one heard you scream.”

Dany took a fig. It was black and plump, still moist with dew. Will Hizdahr ever make me scream? “It was the wind that you heard screaming.” She took a bite, but the fruit had lost its savor now that Daario was gone.

~

When he was gone, Missandei brought the queen a simple meal of goat cheese and olives, with raisins for a sweet. “Your Grace needs more than wine to break her fast. You are such a tiny thing, and you will surely need your strength today.”

That made Daenerys laugh, coming from a girl so small. She relied so much on the little scribe that she oft forgot that Missandei had only turned eleven. They shared the food together on her terrace. As Dany nibbled on an olive, the Naathi girl gazed at her with eyes like molten gold and said, “It is not too late to tell them that you have decided not to wed.”

It is, though, the queen thought, sadly. “Hizdahr’s blood is ancient and noble. Our joining will join my freedmen to his people. When we become as one, so will our city.”

“Your Grace does not love the noble Hizdahr. This one thinks you would sooner have another for your husband.”

I must not think of Daario today. “A queen loves where she must, not where she will.” Her appetite had left her. “Take this food away,” she told Missandei. “It is time I bathed.”

~

Missandei reemerged from inside the pyramid. “Reznak and Skahaz beg the honor of escorting Your Grace to the Temple of the Graces. Reznak has ordered your palanquin made ready.”

Meereenese seldom rode within their city walls. They preferred palanquins, litters, and sedan chairs, borne upon the shoulders of their slaves. “Horses befoul the streets,” one man of Zakh had told her, “slaves do not.” Dany had freed the slaves, yet palanquins, litters, and sedan chairs still choked the streets as before, and none of them floated magically through the air.

“The day is too hot to be shut up in a palanquin,” said Dany. “Have my silver saddled. I would not go to my lord husband upon the backs of bearers.”

“Your Grace,” said Missandei, “this one is so sorry, but you cannot ride in a tokar.”

The little scribe was right, as she so often was. The tokar was not a garment meant for horseback. Dany made a face. “As you say. Not the palanquin, though. I would suffocate behind those drapes. Have them ready a sedan chair.” If she must wear her floppy ears, let all the rabbits see her.

ADWD Daenerys VI

When Daenerys returned to her pyramid, sore of limb and sick of heart, she found Missandei reading some old scroll whilst Irri and Jhiqui argued about Rakharo.

~

A cool wind was blowing on her terrace. Dany sighed with pleasure as she slipped into the waters of her pool. At her command, Missandei stripped off her clothes and climbed in after her. “This one heard the Astapori scratching at the walls last night,” the little scribe said as she was washing Dany’s back.

Irri and Jhiqui exchanged a look. “No one was scratching,” said Jhiqui. “Scratching … how could they scratch?”

“With their hands,” said Missandei. “The bricks are old and crumbling. They are trying to claw their way into the city.”

“This would take them many years,” said Irri. “The walls are very thick. This is known.”

“It is known,” agreed Jhiqui.

“I dream of them as well.” Dany took Missandei’s hand. “The camp is a good half-mile from the city, my sweetling. No one was scratching at the walls.”

“Your Grace knows best,” said Missandei. “Shall I wash your hair? It is almost time. Reznak mo Reznak and the Green Grace are coming to discuss—”

“—the wedding preparations.” Dany sat up with a splash. “I had almost forgotten.” Perhaps I wanted to forget.

~

Daario’s announcement had sparked an uproar. Reznak was wailing, the Shavepate was muttering darkly, her bloodriders were swearing vengeance. Strong Belwas thumped his scarred belly with his fist and swore to eat Brown Ben’s heart with plums and onions. “Please,” Dany said, but only Missandei seemed to hear. The queen got to her feet. “Be quiet! I have heard enough.”

ADWD Daenerys V

She would have kissed her good knight on the cheek, but just then Missandei appeared beneath the arched doorway. “Missandei?”

“Your Grace. Skahaz awaits your pleasure.”

“Send him up.”

ADWD Daenerys IV

The queen welcomed them warmly, then summoned Missandei to see that the girls were fed and entertained whilst she shared a private supper with the Green Grace.

~

… but Daenerys Targaryen had other children, tens of thousands who had hailed her as their mother when she broke their chains. She thought of Stalwart Shield, of Missandei’s brother, of the woman Rylona Rhee, who had played the harp so beautifully. No marriage would ever bring them back to life, but if a husband could help end the slaughter, then she owed it to her dead to marry.

~

How could I ever hope to sleep, knowing that my captain so close? “Send him up at once. And … I will have no more need of you this evening. I shall be safe with Daario. Oh, and send Irri and Jhiqui, if you would be so good. And Missandei.” I need to change, to make myself beautiful.

She said as much to her handmaids when they came. “What does Your Grace wish to wear?” asked Missandei.

Starlight and seafoam, Dany thought, a wisp of silk that leaves my left breast bare for Daario’s delight. Oh, and flowers for my hair.

 ADWD Daenerys III

“Wherever the Mother of Dragons goes, the Mother’s Men will go as well,” announced Marselen, Missandei’s remaining brother.

ADWD Daenerys II

She could hear the soft sounds of sobs. “Who is that weeping?”

“Your slave Missandei.” Jhiqui had a taper in her hand.

“My servant. I have no slaves.” Dany did not understand. “Why does she weep?”

“For him who was her brother,” Irri told her. The rest she had from Skahaz, Reznak, and Grey Worm, when they were ushered into her presence. Dany knew their tidings were bad before a word was spoken. One glance at the Shavepate’s ugly face sufficed to tell her that.

~

“Your servants were set upon as they walked the bricks of Meereen to keep Your Grace’s peace. All were well armed, with spears and shields and short swords. Two by two they walked, and two by two they died. Your servants Black Fist and Cetherys were slain by crossbow bolts in Mazdhan’s Maze. Your servants Mossador and Duran were crushed by falling stones beneath the river wall. Your servants Eladon Goldenhair and Loyal Spear were poisoned at a wineshop where they were accustomed to stop each night upon their rounds.”

Mossador. Dany made a fist. Missandei and her brothers had been taken from their home on Naath by raiders from the Basilisk Isles and sold into slavery in Astapor. Young as she was, Missandei had shown such a gift for tongues that the Good Masters had made a scribe of her. Mossador and Marselen had not been so fortunate. They had been gelded and made into Unsullied.

~

When she returned to her rooms atop the pyramid, she found Missandei crying softly on her pallet, trying as best she could to muffle the sound of her sobs. “Come sleep with me,” she told the little scribe. “Dawn will not come for hours yet.”

“Your Grace is kind to this one.” Missandei slipped under the sheets. “He was a good brother.”

Dany wrapped her arms about the girl. “Tell me of him.”

“He taught me how to climb a tree when we were little. He could catch fish with his hands. Once I found him sleeping in our garden with a hundred butterflies crawling over him. He looked so beautiful that morning, this one … I mean, I loved him.”

“As he loved you.” Dany stroked the girl’s hair. “Say the word, my sweet, and I will send you from this awful place. I will find a ship somehow and send you home. To Naath.”

“I would sooner stay with you. On Naath I’d be afraid. What if the slavers came again? I feel safe when I’m with you.”

Safe. The word made Dany’s eyes fill up with tears. “I want to keep you safe.” Missandei was only a child. With her, she felt as if she could be a child too. “No one ever kept me safe when I was little. Well, Ser Willem did, but then he died, and Viserys … I want to protect you but … it is so hard. To be strong. I don’t always know what I should do. I must know, though. I am all they have. I am the queen … the … the …”

“… mother,” whispered Missandei.

“Mother to dragons.” Dany shivered.

“No. Mother to us all.” Missandei hugged her tighter. “Your Grace should sleep. Dawn will be here soon, and court.”

“We’ll both sleep, and dream of sweeter days. Close your eyes.” When she did, Dany kissed her eyelids and made her giggle.

~

A soft rustle made her open them again. She sat up with a soft splash. “Missandei?” she called. “Irri? Jhiqui?”

~

“Your Grace?” Missandei stood in the door of the queen’s bedchamber, a lantern in her hand. “Who are you talking to?”

Dany glanced back toward the persimmon tree. There was no woman there. No hooded robe, no lacquer mask, no Quaithe.

A shadow. A memory. No one. She was the blood of the dragon, but Ser Barristan had warned her that in that blood there was a taint. Could I be going mad? They had called her father mad, once. “I was praying,” she told the Naathi girl. “It will be light soon. I had best eat something, before court.”

~

Missandei returned with a melon and a bowl of hard-cooked eggs, but Dany found she had no appetite.

~

It was blood the Meereenese yearned to see, not skill. Elsewise the fighting slaves would have worn armor. Only the little scribe Missandei seemed to share the queen’s misgivings.

ADWD Daenerys I

“Your Grace,” said Ser Barristan Selmy, the lord commander of her Queensguard, “there is no need for you to see this.”

“He died for me.” Dany clutched her lion pelt to her chest. Underneath, a sheer white linen tunic covered her to midthigh. She had been dreaming of a house with a red door when Missandei woke her. There had been no time to dress.

~

The Undying of Qarth had told her she would be thrice betrayed. Mirri Maz Duur had been the first, Ser Jorah the second. Would Reznak be the third? The Shavepate? Daario? Or will it be someone I would never suspect, Ser Barristan or Grey Worm or Missandei?

~

Missandei announced her. The little scribe had a sweet, strong voice. “All kneel for Daenerys Stormborn, the Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Khaleesi of Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Shackles, and Mother of Dragons.”

A Storm of Swords

ASOS Daenerys VI

“I must remember to do something about the flies,” Dany said. “Are there many flies on Naath, Missandei?”

“On Naath there are butterflies,” the scribe responded in the Common Tongue. “More wine?”

“No. I must hold court soon.” Dany had grown very fond of Missandei. The little scribe with the big golden eyes was wise beyond her years. She is brave as well. She had to be, to survive the life she’s lived. One day she hoped to see this fabled isle of Naath. Missandei said the Peaceful People made music instead of war. They did not kill, not even animals; they ate only fruit and never flesh. The butterfly spirits sacred to their Lord of Harmony protected their isle against those who would do them harm. Many conquerors had sailed on Naath to blood their swords, only to sicken and die. The butterflies do not help them when the slave ships come raiding, though. “I am going to take you home one day, Missandei,” Dany promised. If I had made the same promise to Jorah, would he still have sold me? “I swear it.”

“This one is content to stay with you, Your Grace. Naath will be there, always. You are good to this—to me.”

“And you to me.” Dany took the girl by the hand. “Come help me dress.”

~

Daario and Ben Plumm, Grey Worm, Irri, Jhiqui, Missandei ... as she looked at them Dany found herself wondering which of them would betray her next.

~

“Your Grace,” said Missandei, “Ghiscari inter their honored dead in crypts below their manses. If you would boil the bones clean and return them to their kin, it would be a kindness.”

The widows will curse me all the same. “Let it be done.”

~

“Noble Ghael,” said Missandei, in the dialect of Astapor, “is this the same Cleon once owned by Grazdan mo Ullhor?”

Her voice was guileless, yet the question plainly made the envoy anxious. “The same,” he admitted. “A great man.”

Missandei leaned close to Dany. “He was a butcher in Grazdan’s kitchen,” the girl whispered in her ear. “It was said he could slaughter a pig faster than any man in Astapor.”

I have given Astapor a butcher king. Dany felt ill, but she knew she must not let the envoy see it.

~

“...To prove his faith, Great Cleon offers to seal your alliance with a marriage.”

“A marriage? To me?”

Ghael smiled. His teeth were brown and rotten. “Great Cleon will give you many strong sons.”

Dany found herself bereft of words, but little Missandei came to her rescue. “Did his first wife give him sons?”

~

“Any man who wishes to sell himself into slavery may do so. Or woman.” She raised a hand. “But they may not sell their children, nor a man his wife.”

“In Astapor the city took a tenth part of the price, each time a slave changed hands,” Missandei told her.

“We’ll do the same,” Dany decided. Wars were won with gold as much as swords.

~

“Your Grace?” Missandei stood at her elbow wrapped in a bedrobe, wooden sandals on her feet. “I woke, and saw that you were gone. Did you sleep well? What are you looking at?”

“My city,” said Dany. “I was looking for a house with a red door, but by night all the doors are black.”

“A red door?” Missandei was puzzled. “What house is this?”

“No house. It does not matter.” Dany took the younger girl by the hand. “Never lie to me, Missandei. Never betray me.”

“I never would,” Missandei promised. “Look, dawn comes.”

[...] Dany held Missandei’s hand as they watched the sun come up.

~

“There is nothing to stay for,” said Brown Ben Plumm.

“Your Grace, the slavers brought their doom on themselves,” said Daario Naharis.

“You have brought freedom as well,” Missandei pointed out.

“Freedom to starve?” asked Dany sharply. “Freedom to die? Am I a dragon, or a harpy?” Am I mad? Do I have the taint?

ASOS Daenerys V

“Strong Belwas is hurt.” His stomach was red with the blood sheeting down from the meaty gash beneath his breasts.

“It is nothing. I let each man cut me once, before I kill him.” He slapped his bloody belly. “Count the cuts and you will know how many Strong Belwas has slain.”

But Dany had lost Khal Drogo to a similar wound, and she was not willing to let it go untreated. She sent Missandei to find a certain Yunkish freedman renowned for his skill in the healing arts.

~

“Missandei,” she called, “have my silver saddled. Your own mount as well.”

The little scribe bowed. “As Your Grace commands. Shall I summon your bloodriders to guard you?”

“We’ll take Arstan. I do not mean to leave the camps.”

~

Dany had stopped to speak to a pregnant woman who wanted the Mother of Dragons to name her baby when someone reached up and grabbed her left wrist. Turning, she glimpsed a tall ragged man with a shaved head and a sunburnt face. “Not so hard,” she started to say, but before she could finish he’d yanked her bodily from the saddle. The ground came up and knocked the breath from her, as her silver whinnied and backed away. Stunned, Dany rolled to her side and pushed herself onto one elbow ...

... and then she saw the sword.

“There’s the treacherous sow,” he said. “I knew you’d come to get your feet kissed one day.” His head was bald as a melon, his nose red and peeling, but she knew that voice and those pale green eyes. “I’m going to start by cutting off your teats.” Dany was dimly aware of Missandei shouting for help.

~

Missandei was pulling Dany to her feet when she heard a crack.

ASOS Daenerys IV

Irri and Jhiqui had covered the floor with carpets while Missandei lit a stick of incense to sweeten the dusty air.

~

“Missandei, what language will these Yunkai’i speak, Valyrian?”

“Yes, Your Grace,” the child said. “A different dialect than Astapor’s, yet close enough to understand. The slavers name themselves the Wise Masters.”

“Wise?” Dany sat crosslegged on a cushion, and Viserion spread his white-and-gold wings and flapped to her side. “We shall see how wise they are,” she said as she scratched the dragon’s scaly head behind the horns.

~

The hours crept by on turtle feet. Even after Jhiqui rubbed the knots from her shoulders, Dany was too restless for sleep. Missandei offered to sing her a lullaby of the Peaceful People, but Dany shook her head.

~

On the morning of the third day, the city gates swung open and a line of slaves began to emerge. Dany mounted her silver to greet them. As they passed, little Missandei told them that they owed their freedom to Daenerys Stormborn, the Unburnt, Queen of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros and Mother of Dragons.

“Mhysa!” a brown-skinned man shouted out at her. He had a child on his shoulder, a little girl, and she screamed the same word in her thin voice. “Mhysa! Mhysa!”

Dany looked at Missandei. “What are they shouting?”

“It is Ghiscari, the old pure tongue. It means ‘Mother.’”

Dany felt a lightness in her chest.

ASOS Daenerys III

“All?” The slave girl sounded wary. “Your Grace, did this one’s worthless ears mishear you?”

[...] “Your ears heard true,” said Dany. “I want to buy them all. Tell the Good Masters, if you will.”

~

“The Unsullied will learn your savage tongue quick enough,” added Kraznys mo Nakloz, when all the arrangements had been made, “but until such time you will need a slave to speak to them. Take this one as our gift to you, a token of a bargain well struck.”

“I shall,” said Dany.

The slave girl rendered his words to her, and hers to him. If she had feelings about being given for a token, she took care not to let them show.

~

Dany turned away from him, to the slave girl standing meekly beside her litter. “Do you have a name, or must you draw a new one every day from some barrel?”

“That is only for Unsullied,” the girl said. Then she realized the question had been asked in High Valyrian. Her eyes went wide. “Oh.”

“Your name is Oh?”


“No. Your Grace, forgive this one her outburst. Your slave’s name is Missandei, but ...”

“Missandei is no longer a slave. I free you, from this instant. Come ride with me in the litter, I wish to talk.” Rakharo helped them in, and Dany drew the curtains shut against the dust and heat. “If you stay with me you will serve as one of my handmaids,” she said as they set off. “I shall keep you by my side to speak for me as you spoke for Kraznys. But you may leave my service whenever you choose, if you have father or mother you would sooner return to.”

“This one will stay,” the girl said. “This one ... I ... there is no place for me to go. This ... I will serve you, gladly.”

“I can give you freedom, but not safety,” Dany warned. “I have a world to cross and wars to fight. You may go hungry. You may grow sick. You may be killed.”

“Valar morghulis,” said Missandei, in High Valyrian.


“All men must die,” Dany agreed, “but not for a long while, we may pray.” She leaned back on the pillows and took the girl’s hand. “Are these Unsullied truly fearless?”

“Yes, Your Grace.”

“You serve me now. Is it true they feel no pain?”

“The wine of courage kills such feelings. By the time they slay their sucklings, they have been drinking it for years.”

“And they are obedient?”

“Obedience is all they know. If you told them not to breathe, they would find that easier than not to obey.”

Dany nodded. “And when I am done with them?”

“Your Grace?”

“When I have won my war and claimed the throne that was my father’s, my knights will sheathe their swords and return to their keeps, to their wives and children and
mothers ... to their lives. But these eunuchs have no lives. What am I to do with eight thousand eunuchs when there are no more battles to be fought?”

“The Unsullied make fine guards and excellent watchmen, Your Grace,” said Missandei. “And it is never hard to find a buyer for such fine well-blooded troops.”

“Men are not bought and sold in Westeros, they tell me.”

“With all respect, Your Grace, Unsullied are not men.”

“If I did resell them, how would I know they could not be used against me?” Dany asked pointedly. “Would they do that? Fight against me, even do me harm?”

“If their master commanded. They do not question, Your Grace. All the questions have been culled from them. They obey.” She looked troubled. “When you are ... when you are done with them ... your Grace might command them to fall upon their swords.”

“And even that, they would do?”


“Yes.” Missandei’s voice had grown soft. “Your Grace.”

Dany squeezed her hand. “You would sooner I did not ask it of them, though. Why is that? Why do you care?”

“This one does not ... I ... Your Grace ... ”


“Tell me.”


The girl lowered her eyes. “Three of them were my brothers once, Your Grace.”

Then I hope your brothers are as brave and clever as you.

ASOS Daenerys II

“The Good Master Kraznys asks, are they not magnificent?” The girl spoke the Common Tongue well, for one who had never been to Westeros. No older than ten, she had the round flat face, dusky skin, and golden eyes of Naath. The Peaceful People, her folk were called. All agreed that they made the best slaves.

#daenerys targaryen #missandei #valyrianscrolls #dany relationships #dany passages

[sacredmouche]

Pavlovian Conditioning | Kageyama x Reader

Word count: 1.8K

Warnings: none

Genre: Fluff (?), College!AU

College!Kageyama x College!Reader

"Damn you, Kageyama! I've been doing this for TWO FUCKING MONTHS, and you haven't fall into my obvious hints that I like you!" is what you wanted to tell him for a long time now. You have been dropping hints to him and he doesn't seem to notice. Helping him with his homework voluntarily, asking him to eat with you during lunch (coz boi he eats alone all the time), and writing his notes when he falls asleep during class, those are some things you do for him that obviously say "I like you, Kageyama!" but you don't know what is wrong with this boy. Is he that stupid or just numb? You don't know but what you know is that you are not going to give up until he realize that you like him and make him like you.

Another day, another stress brought to you by being a college student with Kageyama not taking your hints on the side. What a great time to be alive!

Today is one of those days when you feel like not dropping hints to him, you're tired and you have something big carrying on your shoulders. You’re a leader of your research group for fuck sake.

"We're only freshmen but why the fuck do we have to comply with all these activities?" you whispered with unbelievable look in your eyes. A day in university just come to an end and you are in your favorite cafe with all your school papers on the table, waiting for the barista to call your name and sip on that delectable coffee you just ordered. Studying in this cafe is relaxing and the ambiance is perfect for you to focus, so it is a part of your day to stop by here and study.

"It's because you're a college student, stupid" a familiar voice made you raise you head and it was your childhood friend who study in the same university as you.

"Oikawa!!" calling him with tears in your eyes, nope you're not sad you're just happy to see him.

"Hey hey, don't tear up cry baby!" he pulled the chair in front of you and sat down, looking all the papers scattered on the table then looking at you in disbelief.

"What in the hell- this is a lot" you looked at him and gave him a look that says "I fucking know, right" then letting out a big sigh.

"Yes, great king this is a lot, but that's not all! I have a quiz on my major tomorrow, and I need to study three chapters," you complained, pulling your untied hair into a messy bun.

Oikawa did not speak but you still feel comforted with his presence, but then he opened the topic you really do not want to talk about.

"So how's it going with-"

"For customer y/n?" the barista cut him off mid sentence, great maybe he'll forget talking about him. Goddamnit Oikawa, y u gotta bring him up?

You stood up and went to the counter to get your order, doing everything slowly so he'll forget what he was about to say a while ago. But it's Oikawa we're talking about, he'll never stop until he knows the answer to his curiosity.

Reaching you seat and as soon as you sat down, he asked "So anyway, how's it going with Tobio-chan?"

You gave him a look that throws knives that could kill him.

"W-what? I'm just asking, just wanna know!"

"well... I don't fucking know what is wrong with him! He doesn't take all my hints and I do not want to tell him directly. Is he that stupid?" Oikawa laughed and you raised your eyebrow making him stop.

"Yes, he's stupid. You're a Psychology major why don't you use psychology instead of doing common things that common girls do. Then, bye! I gotta go, good luck with school... and with Tobio-chan!" then he made his way out leaving you confused and thinking.

Use psychology?

You shrug it off for now and just start working on your school papers that is due tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.

"I'm home!" you announced your arrival as soon as you stepped inside your house, going straight in your bedroom and changed into a pair of pajamas and comfortable shirt.

You set up your study table with your psychology book in it, a notebook, and some pens and highlighters.

You've been studying for half an hour and you just started on the second chapter out of three chapters, you don’t really mind sleeping late if you go to school with confidence that you’ll ace your quiz.

"Hmm, Classical Conditioning... by Pavlov. Okay okay. Hmm okay I understand" you muttered while reading the textbook definition of the term. Studying the three types of learning as indicated on your Psychology book, an idea – a brilliant one – came to the magnificent brain of yours. A smile forming in your lips as you continue your studying.

I bet this one will work so be ready Kageyama.

------

“Good morning Tooru-chan!” you cling your arm to your friend who’s giving you now a disgusted look, but you just gave him a wide smile.

“What’s gotten into you? Why do you look happy? Why are you happy? Are you okay? And why the fuck did you call me Tooru-chan? I’m older than you, you know?”

“Woah easy boy, eaaaasssy. Why flood me with questions? My mind is already flooded” flooded with thoughts of Kageyama.

“Flooded with thoughts of Kageyama” he said that earned a laugh from you, he looked down on you and furrowed his brows.

“It’s because of you that’s why I am thinking of him more than usual, idiot. You’re a genius. I complimented you, take it or leave it” You sassed and walked faster.

“Why? What? What are you talking about?” he asked as he ran to close the big distance between the two of you.

“You’ll know it, I’ll tell you when the time comes. I have 10 AM class, I gotta go. See ya!” You left him there, this time he is the one who is confused and thinking. Why is she so happy? Why did she call me a genius? Not that I do not think of myself as one, but why did she call me a genius?

Making your way to your classroom, you stopped by to a vending machine, buying two cartons of milk. This class is your major and Kageyama is in that class too, so it makes you extra excited to reach the room. This subject last for two hours but you don’t really mind since learning is everything, right? And you’re a flirt and seeing Kageyama for two hours is too much to make your heart go boom boom.

After the quiz, there was some time left so a little discussion took place until it’s time to wrap up.

Lunchtime. Okay, this will work. I trust you, Pavlov. Don’t let your bitch down!

“Uhh, Kageyama–”

“Damn!” his loud voice made you jump; you were stoned in your place. Heart beating faster with a little bit of pain, thinking that he was irritated by you. You are about to tear up and take your leave, but he spoke.

“Hey, you were saying something? I’m sorry, it’s just that I forgot to bring my milk” your eyes sparkled. Heart skipped a beat. You’re in cloud nine, thanking the Gods.

“Yes, uhh let’s eat lunch together and here, wait a sec” you rummage through your things to get that extra carton of milk you bought on the way here.

“Good thing I bought two milks, it must be destiny” you laughed and handed him the milk and it’s his turn for his eyes to sparkle, he was so touched because it’s milk, duh. He wouldn’t share his milk with everyone, but you shared yours. Now he thinks of you as a goddess… of milk, who give free milks to those who needs it.

“Let’s eat lunch” he announced. I am not going to let this opportunity slip, a goddess asked me out. He thought.

Yo what the fuck? He agreed! Yes, this is it. A love story will emerge.

The two of you made your way out of the classroom and walked towards the university cafeteria. Now, what to do? You don’t really know what to do now, you both are eating in silence.

Come on, brain I need you please don’t leave me hanging!

But your brain is not cooperating with you, lunchtime ended and you both parted ways. It’s okay, you feel contented, you ate lunch with him and tomorrow you are going to ask him again because giving up is not on your vocabulary.

You are so eager to make him like you, so you are pulling Classical Conditioning at him to make that happen, all thanks to Oikawa for giving you that idea.

-----

It’s been seven days since you started using classical conditioning. Giving him his daily milk, you bought at the vending machine, watching as his eyes go sparkle.

You noticed the changes of him. Whenever you showed up, a big smile is forming on his lips just like the smile you see when you bring him his milks, his face painted with happiness just like when he is drinking his milk, and how his eyes sparkled when you give him his milk.

You rummage through your things just like the past seven days and give him his carton of milk. You stretched out your arms and handed him the unopened carton.

“Here you go, Kageyama. Your daily dose of milk” you said as you sip on your own milk.

He eyed you and took the milk

“You don’t really have to do all this for me to like you” your eyes widened at his words. Shocked. Wondering if he knew it all this time.

“Huh?” is all you can say

“I know you’re pulling Classical Conditioning on me to make me like you, did you not realize that I am not going to like you if you do that?” Oh. It hurts. Pavlov, you let me down. I hate you. You thought. Standing there in front of him, waiting for him to say another word even if it pains you. He is so straightforward it hurts, right there in my heart. But what the fuck? I thought he was stupid. He understands what classical conditioning is when all he does is sleep in this class!

“How long have–” he cut you off mid-sentence

“You associated yourself with my favorite milk, it’s not you who makes me excited, it’s the milk” he continued. Why am I still standing here? Every word he’s saying hurts.

“But that will be the scenario if I don’t like you,” Huh? You looked up to him, teary-eyed. A confused look emitted through your eyes.

“But I already like you, your presence alone makes me excited. With or without the milk. So stop.” he confessed and all you gave him is a wide smile that is filled with pure delight.

Thank you, Pavlov. You did not let me down.

THANK YOU TO MY FAM @teentitannns and @gaydistriss!! I couldn't choose which character suits the plot and they helped me. Luv u.

#hq x reader #anime #haikyuu #sports anime #haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #hq #kageyama #kageyama tobio #kageyama x reader #kageyama tobio x reader #fluff #tobio x reader #college #college!au #college!kageyama #college!reader

[dopescotlandwarrior]

Bluegrass-Chapter 24

                    Much love to @Statell for making my stories flow.

Previous chapter on AO3

Chapter Twenty-Four

The shop owner bent over his worktable and pried the stones out of the gold setting. The ring was fourteen karat gold and would fetch a nice price. When the bell above the door tinkled, he looked up at a lady coming to the counter. She tossed a large ring on the counter.

“Sell or pawn?”

“Sell.”

He looked at her and reached for his loop. She looked like a street person so how did she come by this, he wondered. To his amazement the diamonds were real, and the gold tested to eighteen karat. His heart was ramming.

“Who’d you steal this from lady?”

“It’s mine, you ignorant asshole.”

“Sorry, I can’t help you. Try down the street.”

She grabbed the ring and looked at the man with her one good eye. “Fuck you.”

He watched her carry her bulk toward the door and waved his hand in the air to chase away her body odor.

The woman tried two more pawn shops and the third was owned by someone with fewer scruples. He bought the ring for one thousand dollars plus a gun. It was a lady Smith and Wesson five-shooter. She grabbed a box of shells on her way out, looking at the man defiantly. He ran to lock his door and start making calls. This ring would sell quickly for ten thousand. If it wasn’t hot, he could ask fifty thousand easily. He flipped open his phone book and started dialing.

The sweaty woman stumbled into Walmart and felt the cool air inside provide a little more energy for the last item she needed. Twenty minutes later she held her new phone to her ear and ordered a taxi to take her to the Motel 6. She paid the driver without a tip and heaved herself out of the car. There were working girls and ugly people all around the place. She would fit right in.

Walking up to the desk, she pulled her shirt down over the roll of fat that bulged from her tight waistband. The clothes she was arrested in were now three sizes too small. Prison food is created to keep hundreds of people full for a few hours. Not much thought went into the caloric intake or a balanced meal. Carbohydrates and fat were the main ingredients of her diet for eleven months and she tipped the scale at two-hundred and fifty pounds. The clothes she wore were donated by the prison and they were cutting her in half.

Pulling her coach wallet out of her bag she pulled her license and scooted it toward the clerk. Ten minutes later she was locking her door and scowling at the traffic noise right outside her window. It would have to do.

She was exhausted. It took all night to get processed out of jail and then shown the door to freedom at five o’clock in the morning. She would sleep a bit and then call her father. He will want her to come home because there was nothing for her in Kentucky. He would put her mother on the phone who would beg and cry for her daughter to come back to Scotland. That could wait as well, she decided.

For eleven months she has thought of little else then Jamie Fraser, the man who stole millions of dollars from her by denying her any rights to the business or his new horse. Word went around the prison that Midnight Runner won the Triple Crown and that meant an extraordinary life was now his to live while she was shipped back to Scotland like yesterday’s trash. God she hated him.

Isobel laid down on the bed but thinking about Jamie got her so riled up she couldn’t sleep. Maybe a hot shower would help. The rundown hotel had a small mirror in the bathroom, the first clear mirror in eleven months. She looked at her face and tears rolled down her fat cheeks. One of her eyelids opened only a slit after she was punched in the forehead during a prison fight. The nerve damage was permanent. She looked at her hair cut almost to her scalp. A going-away present from the bitches who hated her and kept her in solitary much of the time. She recalled being held on the ground while the meanest of them cut off her hair. It stuck out in all directions and she tried to smooth it down with water, but nothing helped. She was raging inside at what he did to her. This was all his fault.

Isobel’s father kept money on her books, the maximum allowable at the insistence of her mother. Isobel had nothing but disdain for other women making it quite impossible to make friends who could help her. She bargained her commissary for favors and finally found someone with a relative who would look up Chad’s whereabouts. He was in the Kentucky State Penitentiary in Eddyville and she wrote to him every day and couldn’t wait to hear back. Months went by with no word and she became hurt, and then mad. She sent another letter and on the outside of the envelope in small letters, she wrote “you little puke of a man why won’t you answer me?” She didn’t expect a response and when one came it was short and to the point.

‘Enduring your disgusting presence and vomit worthy sex was a means to an end. You self-absorbed cow. You never figured out I was gay because you were busy looking at yourself, with or without a mirror. It made it easy to manipulate you. Happy now?’

That was Jamie’s fault as well, she stormed in her head. He deserves to be skinned alive and forced to watch. She wouldn’t risk him getting the upper hand, so she had to settle for a bullet in his head.

She picked up her purse and left. There was a liquor store on the corner and she needed whisky, and a lot of it.

Claire woke up in an empty bed and noticed a note on her side table. She smiled as she read it.

“It is a perfect day to sit on the sundeck and read. There is nothin you need to do today, and I won’t be long with Michael.”

They had purchased a new double-wide ergonomic chase and had not tried it out yet. Maybe they could read the book together. While she waited for Jamie, she chose pages throughout the book to read and was very impressed with Michael’s writing. The theme running throughout the book was about kindness to the horse through various means, particularly the whip. He advocated the elimination of pain as a motivator. It would change horse racing completely because the competitors would be running because they wanted to win. The horse had to love running and it could be done, according to Michael, but training and reward had to change.

Claire wondered how this book would differ from Nosh’s. He was coming to Kentucky the following week and would spend the day with them. She was excited to fulfill her promise to finish her story, whether he believed her or not.

Jamie dropped Michael at his hotel just after noon. He would be joining them for dinner tonight and would UBER back around seven o’clock. Jamie looked forward to an afternoon lounging with his best girl.

For the rest of the day, Jamie and Claire took turns reading the book and powered through half of it before cuddling on the chase to nap a bit.

“Sassenach.” Jamie ran his hand down her arm until she opened her eyes. “Will ye come with me to bring the horses in?”

She smiled up at him and nodded yes before pulling her jeans and boots on. They walked to the barn and discussed the book, both commenting on how much they had forgotten about those crazy days. They brought fifteen horses in, two at a time, then went to bring in the mares and babies. Claire laughed at the antics of the foals, running ahead and then freezing with fear when they couldn’t see their mothers. When all were put away for the night, they made one more trip for Runner and Porcelain. When Jamie watched them running to the gate, he looked at Claire with a big smile.

“I’d like to bring Porcelain into season early and breed her in February.”

“To him?”

It was settled. Porcelain would be Runner’s first cover and Claire was thrilled. A touch of romance in an otherwise clinical setting of the breeding room. They would be each other’s first.

As they walked home, Jamie threw up his arms and announced he had finished the repairs on Runner’s stall, and they could move them back to their larger accommodations. Claire held his hand and told him tomorrow would be soon enough. She had a shower and cooking to do.

It was a delightful time to sit with their old friend, spoil him with steak, roasted vegetables, and copious amounts of whisky. Claire considered inviting others to dinner but decided she didn’t want to share Michael’s time. They ate at the table outside and simply moved to more comfortable seats to continue the discussion.

Jamie answered the doorbell and spoke to a neighbor before announcing he would be back in ten minutes. The neighbor needed a jump. Michael offered to come and help but Jamie told him to relax, he had this.

Michael had Claire in giggle overload reminding her of times they were on the road. Claire got up to grab the coffee pot and stopped in her tracks.

“Michael, do you smell something burning.”

He stood up and said he smelled it too. When Claire opened the front door, she screamed for Michael. It was definitely a fire and somewhere close. They started running and a quarter-mile never seemed so far. The closer they got; they were more convinced it was the barn on fire. Claire punched numbers into the keypad, and Michael opened the roll away doors as smoke poured out.

“Chase them all out, Michael!”

Claire ran down the aisle pulling stall doors open until she got to Runner and Porcelain and they were not moving. None of the horses were running outside. She slapped Porcelain hard on the rump knowing Runner would follow. The mare whinnied loudly and took off for the big doors.

Claire looked at the smoke filling the barn and coughed into her shirt. She saw horses running by but could not see Michael. She continued to work her way down the aisle smacking horses so they would run to safety. She looked up and saw babies running alongside their mothers and knew Michael had gone to the dams’ wing to set them free.

Jamie waved to the neighbor as he drove down their shared road. He caught the scent of burning wood and jumped into the bed of his truck to look for smoke. Finally, he saw the embers rising into the air on his own property! With a hammering heart, he drove through the gate and saw horses scattered all over. He knew someone was at the barn and drove as fast as possible, ever watchful for a horse running across the road.

Jamie ran to the barn. His heart rate was in the stroke zone and he started coughing the second he was inside. He called for Claire as he ran down the aisle looking for any stuck horses. The dams’ wing was empty, where the hell was Claire and Michael? Or whoever let the horses out. He turned the turbines on that pulled air from the interior. They were all over the roof so he ran as fast as he could flipping them on high.

He called the fire department as he ran for Runner’s wing. The door was open and something inside him told him to proceed with caution. He could hear Claire and Michael coughing. Why were they in there? When he heard Isobel’s voice his blood turned to ice. He forced himself not to cough and give away his presence. He searched frantically for a way to get the drop on her. He had to do something before Claire and Michael died from asphyxiation.

He ran to the back of the barn where the smoke was too thick to see. He ran his hand along the wall until he felt the switches for the turbines. Filling his lungs with air he ran into the equipment room and pulled out a ten-foot length of steel pipe, very relieved it wasn’t burning hot and ran back.

Claire wasn’t coughing any more and Jamie knew she passed out with death coming for her. Without another second to think he rammed the door open and kept running as Isobel’s startled face came into view. She raised the gun just as he rammed the pipe into her stomach, impaling her on the back wall. He threw Claire over his shoulder and helped Michael to his feet pulling them outside to safety.

The fire engines were coming in slowly with no siren because Jamie explained there were horses scattered all over the property. Michael was bent over coughing and Claire was silent, unconscious. Jamie lowered her to the ground feeling more terrified than he had been in his life.

“Claire! Claire!”

The EMT’s pulled him away to render lifesaving aid to his wife, his soulmate, his whole world. Fire hydrants were installed on the land according to zoning rules and the men soon had two flows of water directed at the fire. Jamie heard more sirens coming only to go silent as they negotiated the gate and keypad.

The ambulance EMT’s were given instructions to open the gate and wait for it to close to make sure no horses escaped. The driver knew there were critical injuries and it took all his training and willpower not to barrel ahead to the injured. Jamie was covered with soot and sweat as he gripped his wife’s hand.

“Please Claire, ye must fight yer way back to me or I will surely die with ye.”

He was pulled away as they wheeled the gurney into the ambulance, Michael was loaded into a second vehicle. Jamie sank to his knees as a great crash came from the barn and a plume of embers rose into the night sky. Jamie didn’t flinch. He couldn’t move as he was locked into his pleading prayers to God.

A great fireball exploded into the dark sky and men were yelling about a secondary fire. Jamie heard none of it and continued to pray.

The captain pulled Jamie up and brought him under the light spreading out a schematic of the barn interior.

“Is there anyone else in the building?”

Jamie pointed to Runner’s wing. The fire captain pulled him to the large engine and told him to sit down. The huge fire engines took up all the space available in front of the barn and police cruisers were lined up behind them. Officers were standing by a short distance away and the captain went to speak with them.

Jamie felt the tears fall off his face, he knew his business was in ruins, his prize horse chased into the darkness, but none of that mattered as much as Claire’s pale, soot-stained face. He looked up at the commanding voice above him and stared at the officer with blank eyes.

“You identified an area where someone was left inside. I am sorry to inform you that the roof caved in above that wing about five minutes ago. Did anyone go back inside to pull the person out?”

“No. I impaled her against the wall with a ten-foot length of steel pipe.”

Jamie stood up and walked toward his vehicle but never made it. It took five officers to hold him back and he was finally cuffed and dropped into a cruiser. He had no comprehension of what was happening, and he fought against the restraints until he felt a blinding pain as his wrist separated. He slumped forward choking through this added suffering.

“Mister Fraser! Stop struggling I have news of your wife. She is in intensive care, so is the other man, but they are expected to pull through. They are gonna be fine. You have confessed to a capital crime. You belong to the Lexington police force now so you might as well cooperate and sit still. You’re a big man and tasers hurt, so walk when you’re told, sit where you’re told and answer our questions. It’s the best advice I can give you.”

Jamie did as told and explained who Isobel was, how she tried to kill his horses before. He did not know she was released on parole. She had set fire to the barn and held Claire and Michael at gunpoint as they slowly choked to death in front of her. She wore an elaborate gas mask and just stood by as they struggled to breathe. She had raised her gun to Jamie’s head as he rammed the pipe into her stomach. He did not bother to go back in to save her because he was too busy with his wife and friend.

“I didn’t know if she was alive or dead. I didn’t care.”

Jamie was a pillar of the community and the officers made quick work of releasing him with the warning to not leave the state. There was an officer waiting to take him to the hospital. Jamie sat in the back seat holding his throbbing wrist. The officer decided to break the rules for the poor man and turned on his siren as he raced to the hospital.

Jamie piled out of the car and ran into the emergency department. He approached Claire slowly with tears streaking through the grime on his face. He was so overcome at the sight of her his whole body started to shake.

The nurse taking her blood pressure almost fainted at the sight of Jamie but recovered quickly as his face softened looking at his wife.

“She has been asking for you if your name is Jamie that is.” She had a warm smile and a concerned face.

“It is… my name is Jamie.”

The nurse ran for the chair that was shared among the visitors because it looked like he would fall any minute. She pushed Jamie into it and asked if he was alright.

“As soon as this lass opens her eyes, I will be fine.”

“She is doing really well physically. Her doctor may keep her tonight, not sure yet.”

Jamie looked down at Claire’s open eyes, looking at him. She seemed to look at everything she could see and then he watched her dissolve in tears. She was fighting to stop crying but she just couldn’t. She tried to speak to him, but no sound came out.

“Her voice will come back. Two or three days.”

Claire was asleep again and Jamie felt lost suddenly. She just closed her eyes to the pain that was making her cry, leaving Jamie alone. He picked up the phone and called Jason, then Angus. He knew he had to leave her and get back to what was left of their barn. He kissed her face and walked toward the entrance, there lingering at the doorway was the officer who drove him to the hospital.

“Mister Fraser, I waited to take you home, sir.”

Jamie looked battle-scarred and fatigued at the moment, so they headed for his home without further comment. The fire was out, and firemen continued to crawl through the haylofts and roof structure looking for live embers. They had done an excellent job limiting the damage. The fire marshal approached Jaime and shook his hand. His voice was commanding yet tempered with understanding that Jamie appreciated.

“Mister Fraser, it’s a tragedy to be sure, but we minimized the damage and found all the clues, I think. The fire was set on the north-facing side, right here.” He pointed to Runner’s wing on the barn schematic. Gasoline was used as an accelerant that was provided by your fuel tower. The perpetrator used your five-gallon buckets that were stacked at the hose in back, filled them with your fuel, and left the nozzle open to drain the fuel into the ground. When embers landed there it all went up in a fireball. You will have an ugly reminder for a while I’m afraid. It’s safe to bring the horses in except for this area. The roof caved in and it’s burned badly. It is where we found the body of a woman, but I hear you have given a statement to the police already and believe her to be responsible. The coroner has removed the body. I will be in touch as the investigation progresses. He walked toward his vehicle throwing his clipboard on the seat before getting in.

Jamie looked around feeling lost until he saw Rupert and Angus walk out of the barn with two leads each and lariats attached to their belt loops. They looked at Jamie’s haunted eyes and simply nodded as they made their way to the pastures. The horses were tied to a fence once caught so they could be identified and counted. Jason and Lulu pulled up looking shell shocked. Lulu was crying and asking about Claire. Jason ran to the barn for halters and leads and handed a lead to Lulu as they left to search for more horses.

Molly and her fiancé were next, followed by two of the vets that Claire had befriended. They would check the horses that were brought in and treat any issues. As word spread, neighbors and owners came in to join the search and by afternoon, all but two horses had been rounded up. The missing horses, Porcelain and Runner.

The horses were split up into groups and led to graze in the multiple pastures. They would stay outside for the day and let the barn air out. Jamie continued to call Claire, to say I love you and give progress reports. Jamie’s voice cracked when he said they had not found Runner or Porcelain and Claire sobbed for the lost horses but mostly for Jamie. Michael had fared better and was released to rest in his hotel room. Jamie wandered through the pastures calling for Runner until dark.

Jamie stayed with Claire overnight. She was moved out of critical care and there was a fat Lazyboy right next to the bed. He had full trust in his crew, so he stayed until she was released the next day. She mostly cried when she was awake, and Jamie couldn’t wait until he could hold her and give her comfort.

Driving into the compound was very hard on Claire as visions of Isobel taunting her, saying she would shoot Jamie in front of her and then let them die, came back to haunt her. Jamie explained that he had killed Isobel, but Claire expected her to jump out from every corner.

Claire couldn’t yell for Runner, but she insisted on walking the far pastures to help look for him. To no avail, the two of them were gone. Jamie held Claire through the night, waking up every few hours because she was crying and shaking. He eased her back to sleep much quicker than he was able to follow her. By the next day, he had deep circles under his eyes as he drove the property in search of his horses.

The other horses were returned to the barn, back in their original stalls because there was very little damage to anything but Runner’s wing. Jamie shivered to think he wanted to go back to the barn and move Runner and Porcelain back to their original stalls. He closed the wing off with plans to rebuild once the insurance was settled. Not one of the owners moved their horse to another barn. They knew Jamie was honest and ethical. This was not his fault and he had taken care of the problem.

Jamie sat down hard on his office chair in the early evening. The silence was such a relief after playing hero for the past two days. He wasn’t a hero. He was terrified about what could have happened and what will happen next. Could his business recover, could Claire feel safe again, could they find a new normal without Runner? Picking up his ringing phone he heard the deep voice of Dunsany, and he lost it.

“Jamie, it's going to be alright. You aren’t hurt, you will repair the damage and go on. Now listen to me son, get it out, and then get back to work. That’s a good lad, I’m here for ye, depend on that.”

Dunsany waited, speaking quietly to encourage Jamie, trying to infuse him with the will to start over. They talked for almost an hour and Dunsany told him arrangements had been made to bring Isobel’s body back to Scotland. She could never threaten them again. The older man worried deeply about Jamie pulling out of this nightmare and his anger at Isobel kept him secluded from his family for several days. It wasn’t right for a father to hate his own daughter and he would keep that to himself.

Jamie walked the pastures as the sun was coming up. He had a distinctive whistle that all the horses were used to. It always brought them in, no matter how far they had roamed. He heard a whinny and turned his head, heart beating like thunder in his chest he watched the pasture turning in all directions and finally saw her. Porcelain ran toward him crying out her fear in loud whinnies. She came to him and snorted while he slipped the halter on her and snapped a lead. He started walking back expecting Runner to run up on them any second. When he closed the door to Porcelain’s stall, he dropped his head in defeat.

“Where have ye gone laddie?”

Jason, Lulu, Rupert and Angus put the barn back together, ordered supplies, rented stalls, answered calls from worried owners, and assisted whoever and whatever was needed in the moment. Their fearless leader searched for Runner day and night and Claire was not often seen. She looked shattered and they didn’t know how to approach her, so they didn’t.

Michael came on the fourth day and took Claire to drive the property boundaries. Claire searched the pastures through field glasses as they continued to drive for two hours. He was just gone. He jumped a fence and just kept running she assumed. There were thousands of acres of forest that bordered their land and he was lost in that forest somewhere, starving to death. Claire’s sobbing broke Michael’s heart. He stopped the car and pulled her out to hold her to him. He promised her they would find him.

“We need to walk the land, Claire. He’s scared and hiding somewhere in the trees. Let him see us walking.” He pushed a lead in her hand, and they ducked between the white slats of the fence to walk the endless acres of Bluegrass.

Runner watched them from behind the trees. He watched her mostly and wanted to go to her. He could hear in her yell, something foreboding and fearful. If she would just get on his back, he could ride her to safety. He tried a couple of times to break out of the tree line, only to retreat in fear. They were getting closer to him. He was about to turn toward the forest and run but he saw images in his mind of Claire hugging him. It made him so happy. She was telling him she needed a hug. In the next second, he bolted toward the fence boundary and jumped it with ease running toward her, happier than he had ever been.

“Stop Claire. Turn around.”

Claire turned to see Runner galloping toward them. She started to giggle and then she held her arms out like she always did, for him to run into. He stopped ten feet from her and showed her images of being hugged. She kept her arms out and walked to him until she could wrap them around his neck. She put her hands on his cheeks and Michael could swear they were having a conversation as Runner would nicker at times and drop his head on her shoulder.

Are you hurt?

I do not hurt.

Where you afraid?

I was afraid.

She kissed his face a dozen times and asked him to walk back to the barn, assuring him the smoke was gone and he would be safe. She dug a handful of sugar cubes out of her pocket and he feasted on them.

Very hungry.

Let’s go home.

Michael called Jamie to tell him they were walking back, with Runner, and he started running to meet them. Runner nickered and lifted his head when he saw Jamie running toward them. Claire unsnapped the lead and Runner took off stopping right in front of Jamie’s beaming smile. They were still hugging when Claire and Michael caught up to them.

Porcelain whinnied loudly in the air and stomped all over her stall. Rupert looked at her and wondered what got into the lass when he saw the movement in his peripheral vision. He was almost in tears when he saw the three of them with a giant black horse behind them. Runner went to Porcelain for a make-out session and Claire could see images of Rupert pouring grain into his feeder. She laughed quietly to herself.

“Cheeky bastard.”

They said goodbye to Michael at the airport and made him promise to visit soon. Claire hugged him and cried while Michael complained she would surely melt with any more tears. Once on the road home, Claire leaned against Jamie and wrapped her arm around his middle. They had not made love since the fire and the feel of him was suddenly intoxicating. She kissed his neck until she was breathless and when she pulled his belt away and grabbed his zipper Jamie pulled onto a logging road into the forest where he pulled her to him and kissed her deeply.

They were frantic to join their hungry bodies after a long hiatus from passion. Jamie pulled her shirt over her head and reached around to unclasp her bra setting her breasts free to bounce with their efforts. When she finally pulled him into her body, they both moaned loudly before the rhythm of arousal took them to a new plane of existence.

Officer Josh Baker was heading back to the station while he daydreamed in heavy traffic. When he saw Jamie’s pickup truck veer off the road, he shook his head and blinked several times. It couldn’t be, he told himself. What are the odds of finding them in the same predicament as before? Some people never learn he thought. He pulled off onto the logging road to wait.

Traffic along the four lanes where Jamie took the detour slowed way down due to the cruiser parked along the side of the road, presumably for radar speed checking. The officer pointed his radar gun out the window and waited. When he heard Jamie’s engine start he pulled into traffic, and they were none the wiser about his protection.

Slowly, life at Highland Brothers returned to normal and Jason, the new custodian of Claire's truck, would pick her up for a day of medical treatments and do his best to remember any of the details when she asked him. On long rides she would describe the lab assays they would run to get him used to the terminology and procedure. From February to June, she would reduce her hours away to ten hours per week so she could take care of the breeding operation. She was anxious to be working with Jamie again.

Claire sat across from Nosh at the kitchen table and looked at the sheets of pictures. There had to be at least five-hundred pictures of her and runner. She answered Nosh’s questions thoughtfully and held nothing back. Nosh recovered quickly from the declaration that she can talk to animals. He always knew there was a major component of the story missing.

“I have wondered how an untrained jockey could ride that horse through all those races.”

“It was my yoga training. My balance was very good and if you hadn’t noticed, I didn’t move at all, once the race started, I just hung on to is mane for dear life. He told me what to do, when to do it, and I felt safe after a while.”

“How could he hear you during the race, there’s too much noise?”

“Are you saying you believe me?”

“You are an educated woman Claire, a veterinarian, and you won the Triple Crown as a novice jockey. I’ve been on the track all my adult life, so I knew there was a secret to your success. What I wouldn’t give for photo evidence of you racing him on foot.”

“Oh! I have photo evidence. Jamie took loads of pictures from the equipment barn where he hid for the first month. They are amateur at best, but I will be happy to show you..”

Nosh was on his feet in seconds, “please, yes I would love to see them.”

Claire settled Nosh in a chair close to the computer monitor and brought up the pictures. There was a perfect sequence of them at the starting line, Claire running full speed around the track, and Runner staying on the rail to pass her. Claire bent over panting and Runner circling her with his head and tail in the air. In the last picture, Claire is scowling at the horse with her hands in the air.

Nosh laughed so hard and sputtered “pure gold!” when he could catch a breath. “Good God, I haven’t laughed like that since I was a kid. Name your price, I’m sure the magazine will pay it.”

“Certainly not! You can have them with my thanks.”

This was the icing on the cake to Nosh. The book he had dreamed of for the last year would be better than he could have imagined.

Claire told Nosh everything from cutting Runner out of his dam to winning the Triple Crown and all the baiting and psychological tricks she used to keep him wanting to win. The story was told, and she sat back and took a deep breath.

“How would you like to spend some time with Runner?”

They walked out to the pasture and the two horses made a bee-line for them. Claire stood in front of Nosh and opened her arms for two frothy-mouthed horses to assault her with smells and snorts. She stepped aside pulling her phone out of her pocket and launching the camera app. Nosh seemed frozen as he watched Runner come toward him. Claire moved farther away and started snapping pictures. Nosh, nose to nose with Runner, the colt draping his head over Nosh’s shoulder from behind, stroking his neck, laughing at the assault on his pockets looking for treats. Claire kept snapping until she had sixty-five pictures of Nosh and Runner. She would transfer all the pictures of Runner including these to a thumb drive and send it to Nosh. It made her happy inside to give something back.

Claire walked the reporter out to his rental car and hugged him, thanking him for everything. Nosh saw no reason they might meet again so he made his words count.

“You feel like the daughter I never had. I am so proud of what you’ve done. If your actions with Runner are any indication of motherhood, I hope to live long enough to see your kids cure cancer and win the Nobel prize. Goodbye Claire, and thank you for the interview.”

Motherhood? What an odd thing to say, she decided and waved goodbye.

Claire walked back into the house feeling her mood turn dark when she looked at the ugly furniture she and Jamie had failed to replace. She wished for a happy feeling when she opened the door to their home and hated this furniture even more after the fire. A call to the Salvation Army to pick up a high-end living room set pushed her to the front of the line. They would pick it up this afternoon. When the living room was empty, she called Jamie and asked if he could finish early because there wasn’t a chair or couch to sit on anymore. They needed to visit the furniture stores in town.

Claire got dressed up with straight hair and makeup because it felt like a special trip, something to be remembered. They would finally take ownership of their space and rid the memory of the most heinous woman on earth. With only one week until Christmas, she was excited.

Jamie watched a beautiful, confident woman walk toward him when he came home. He looked at her long pretty hair, short dress, and high heels, feeling his stomach do flips.

“Yer beautiful Sassenach, and our living room is empty sure enough.”

“You have ten minutes James Fraser.”

[canines-and-constellations]

Ambivalence

Summary: Sirius has secretly been leaving Remus love letters for the past month, but what happens when Remus ends up thinking they’re from someone else? Chapters 1/?

“I got another one this morning.” Remus announced to the table, where his fellow Gryffindors ate breakfast. “It was stuck inside my copy of Advanced Rune Translations.” 

Sirius froze at his seat.

“That’s great, Moons.” Peter said chewing on his bacon strips. “It’s our 5th year! At least some of us have a chance at winning over a bird.” He sighed, forlorn staring at his fork. 

“I, actually, do have a chance.” James gazed lovingly at Lily Evans.

“I, actually, am not interested.” Sirius chimed in.

“I, actually, want some garlic knots. Can someone please pass them over?” Marlene asked from across the table looking unimpressed. 

Peter groaned, utterly miserable. You see, the cause of Peter Pettigrew’s internal pain was because of his terrible date the night before. The poor bird ran out of the room, literally ran. Of course it was because of Peter’s terrible allergic reaction to the shops’ feather decorations, but that’s neither here nor there. Now poor Pete and the Ravenclaw can’t even make eye contact without either one of them turning red with embarrassment. 

“You’ll be alright Wormy.” James patted Peter on the back. “You’re not completely hopeless.” He gave Sirius a look. 

“Hey, what’d the note say, Remus?” Lily waggled her eyebrows. 

Sirius tried a glance at the tawny-haired boy, but instead caught James’s knowing smirk.

“Er, something about how my eyes reminded them of ‘warm chocolate on a cold winter night’”

Sirius inwardly winced.

“Oh yeah? What else?” James challenged, trying to hide his amusement. 

Sirius felt himself redden as he remembered what he’d written on that note, “Prongs.” he warned the utter berk. 

“Go on then Remus tell us.” James urged.

“It was nothing important.” Remus stared at his plate. “Just the usual nonsense.”

Ouch.

Sirius frantically looked around for a different subject. “Pete! I overheard some of the girls from Divinations talking about how one of them is going to ask you out!” Note to self: convince one of the girls from Divinations class to ask Peter out.

The conversation steered off after that. Sirius was quiet the whole time. He just nodded and smiled along, but mostly being hyper aware of Remus’s presence.

Not being able to take anymore of it, he mumbled an excuse to leave the Great Hall. 

James’s face turned from delight to concern. 

“Where are you headed, Pads?” Remus asked before James could say anything.

“Uh...the library?” He suppressed the urge of face palming.

“Oh good I’ll come with. I needed to return something I’ve probably checked out three years ago.” Remus took a final drink at his goblet and started to get up from his seat before Sirius could protest.

Before he knew it he was following Remus from behind (a very beautiful behind, might he add) and James was giving him two thumbs up from across the room.

Prongs wouldn’t have known about his“werewolf-itis” (as he put it) if Sirius hadn’t left out his notebook open with things like “Sirius Lupin 4ever” or “Remus <3 Sirius” written all over it. Long story short: James asked about them and Sirius couldn’t think up a Straight reason as to why his best mate’s name was covered in hearts and poems, so he just told him the truth.

They talked for a while about Sirius’s interest in their best mate after that incident. Apparently it was a complete surprise to James.

“You’ve been quiet lately.” Remus’s voice broke him from his reverie, “Is everything alright?”

No, everything’s not alright! The love of his life is right there looking absolutely stunning and making his stomach do somersaults and he can’t even snog the living daylights out of him.

 “‘m fine.” he plastered on a smile.

“I’ve known you long enough to know when you’re not fine.” His voice was sincere, causing Sirius’s heart to clench painfully. “You know you can tell me anything right?” 

“I do.” Well, did.

“Okay.” Remus nodded. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” They walked in silence for a while until they got to the library. “Are you going to Hogsmeade tonight?” Remus asked.

“No, probably not. Are you?”

Remus nodded as they stopped at the Charms Section. “Honeydukes is putting out a new Cauldron Cake flavor. I wanted to get to them before they’re all sold out.”

“I’ll go with you then!” Sirius offered probably too enthusiastically. 

“Oh?” 

“I didn’t have a reason to go, but now I do.” Sirius glanced at Remus sideways and back at the bookshelves.

He’s not giving up the chance to see Remus’s eyes light up when Sirius buys him a whole basket of Cauldron Cakes. 

Remus chuckled. “I didn’t know you liked Cauldron Cakes that much.”

“Yeah.” Sirius rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess I do.”

After Remus checked out 7 more books rather than return one, they went their separate ways. 

* * *

Sirius spent most of his time that Saturday evening in the bathroom getting ready for his unofficial Hogsmeade date with Remus. 

He combed his lustrous locks, bathed himself in cologne (the one that Remus said smelled good that one time) and did several teeth whitening charms. That is, before Peter pounded on the door complaining about needing to use the toilet ASAP. Sirius shuddered and opted to getting ready in the Boy’s dormitory. 

“Ugh! What is that smell?” James hollered with his fingers pinching his nose. “Are you having an Axe commercial in here?” 

“No, you dramatic knob and what the hell is an ‘Axe commercial’?'' Sirius threw a hairbrush at James’s direction and continued on looking for a pair of unwrinkled pants. 

“Me dramatic? I’m not the one that pretended to be unconscious by the lake just for a chance of Moony doing CPR on you!”  

“Touché.” 

James chuckled reminiscently. “Good thing Spencer Kacey was there.”

“You mean Spinach-Teeth Kacey?” Sirius wrinkled his nose. “I swear my mouth tasted like a whole salad after that.” 

James proceeded to watch Sirius who ran frantically around the dorm, “Wow, you really fancy him, huh?”

“Sod off.” 

“What are you even getting ready for?”

“Remus and I are going on a date.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I mean, sort of.” 

“Sort of?”

“That doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’ll be taking him to Honeydukes and buying him everything on every shelf.” He declared as he zipped up his pants and slipped on his shoes. “Then I’ll finally confess that it’s me who’s been giving him those notes.” 

“Then what?” 

Sirius hummed. “Then, I’ll take him up here and we’ll make sweet passionate love on your bed.” 

This earned Sirius a kick on the shins and James a jab on the rib back. The two animagi wrestled until Sirius let up. “Okay! okay! I won’t deflower Moony on your bed.” 

“That’s right.” James got off him. “Seriously though, Pads. I hope tonight ends well.” 

“Thanks Prongs.” 

And with that, Sirius Black marched off to find Remus.

--------------

I’ll be posting the AO3 link tmrw :D!!

#wolfstar #wolfstar fic #sirius black #remus lupin #sirius black x remus lupin #remus lupin x sirius black #marauder hp #hp #hp fic #marauder fic #wolfstar fanfiction #marauders era #my fic #wip #ambivalence #chapter 1 #sirius being whipped #james being supportive #remus x sirius #sirius x remus #humour #fluff #angst with happy ending #peter pettigrew #marlene mckinnon #lily evans #moony x padfoot #padfoot x moony

[sohin-ace]

Dio - Back to you

This is cross-posted from Wattpad and available on AO3. This is an old work, the writing has improved ever since. 

Enjoy~

Living in London in the 19th century was not easy for everyone.

If you were born in a wealthy or a noble family, you would live a peaceful life, in the countryside maybe. Going into the inner city from time to time to run some errands or have a good time. Study, graduate, get married to a beautiful lady or a nice gentleman, found a family and be happy.

But that was far, far from your situation. You were a street scum. Yes.

You lived in London, in the dark side of the city, where misery reigned. You were an orphan, you only had your father, and unfortunately, he was slowly dying of a horrible disease. A curable one, yet, way too expensive for you to afford the cure.

You had dropped out of school and stole your way out most of your life. You barely had enough to eat every other day. When your father fell ill, you had no choice but to find any way to work when possible and pay for his treatments and your basic sanitary needs, mostly putting his well being over your own.

It was hard and stressful, but you knew you could always count on that one person who was always there when you needed him.

The one and only Dio Brando.

Dio grew up with you, he knew the streets of London like the back of his hand, and he often helped you when you were troubled by the men of Ogre Street, or when you were caught red-handed stealing.

Both of you got close as you were in similar situations, so you helped each other out and talked out your problems and concerns. You only had one another and couldn't trust anybody else.

He could act rather coldly or even violent towards people who picked on him, but you knew he hid great pain under his persona, so you could never hate him. You would usually hang out together outside or get something to eat if you could afford it.

On his side, he was always delighted by your presence. Even with your life situation, you always came up to him with a bright smile on your beautiful face. You never judged his actions and always listened to him.

He wondered sometimes how someone with such a pure heart could even stay with a demon like him. He felt like he had to protect you. He could fight, he was also very smart, he could always help you, he wanted you to depend on him more.

You both had an unexpectedly tight relationship.

One evening, you came up to him inside a rowdy tavern where he often bet and played chess with strangers. You had a surprise for him.

You came from behind him and put your hands on his shoulders to scare him, but sadly for you, it failed. He turned gracefully around and greeted you.

"Oh Y/N, how are you?" his lips curled upwards charmingly.

"Dio I have amazing news! Did you eat yet?"

He shook his head, wondering what was so amazing that he needed to hear it on an empty stomach.

You sat down at the table in front of him and pulled out something wrapped in paper towels. You unwrapped it onto the table to reveal some skewers.

You looked at him expectantly with a huge smile on your face while Dio's eyes widened like saucers.

"Are you nuts?" he questioned your sanity, bewildered. "Where in hell did you get meat? Are you even aware how expensive that is?"

He still couldn't believe how crazy you were, bringing him noblesse food, for no particular reason. Meat was one of those things you couldn't just steal that easily.

"I know, but I wanted to surprise you! You deserve it after all. Here, eat up!" you handed him one of the skewers eagerly.

"How did you afford it?" His tone was dead serious.

"Huh? It's not important, eat!" You insisted with a hand gesture, but he didn't even spare a glance at it. His features darkened suddenly.

"Y/N don't tell me... Don't tell me you..."

"I what?" you asked confused.

He had an idea of how you could have had that much money in such a short period of time, but he didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to even imagine you would have done this, by yourself, alone, without consulting him...

After all, in the dark streets of London, at this time, that business was flourishing, especially with young teenage girls...

"You didn't sell your body for these, did you?" he asked almost painfully. He swore if you said yes all hell were going to break lose.

If he was going to protect you, he would protect all of you. He wouldn't forgive himself if you had to deal with harm all alone for his sake.

You blushed at his unholy assumption and frantically answered.

"W-what?! No!! Of course no- I mean..." You paused, wanting to chose your next words carefully.

"Not yet at least I.. Maybe if one day I don't have a choice anymore... For father, but... I'm okay! I didn't do anything reckless just for meat!"

You tried to reassure him. He was relieved, but still had a dark expression on his face, like he was not entirely convinced.

"I earned that money properly, I swear! I actually worked for it!" You smiled big as he finally took the skewer from your small hands.

"But don't worry, okay? I said if I really don't have a choice, as in... life or death matter. I really don't want to have to do it either..." you trailed off.

"Don't ever do it. Even if you don't have a choice. Only I, can give you the choice to make." He sounded confident as ever, but he couldn't shake the scary thought out of his head .

"Of course! You're the only one I can trust with my decisions anyway." you told him sheepishly.

You knew you weren't as smart and composed as him, so if anything, you'd ask him for help and advice before anything.

"You better, otherwise you'll hear from me." he muttered as he took a bite out of his meat "You don't eat?"

You shook your head "Just for you. You need proteins to win boxing fights, big boy."

He just scoffed and ate, secretely glad to have you safe by his side.

Weeks passed, and Dio wanted to see you to announce something important. You didn't know what it was, but it seemed serious, so you joined him.

You saw him standing in front of the tavern so you jogged a bit to get to him.

"How's my favourite friend?" you said excitedly with a big smile.

"I'm your only friend." he blurted with a straight face.

"Ouch. I mean, it's true but still!"

"Let's get inside." He entered the building and you followed suit.

You both sat down. You were excited wondering what kind of announcement he needed to make.

Dio, however, had a grave expression on his face. He simply slid an enveloppe across the table towards you and you furrowed your eyebrows at it. You took it and opened it to read the content of the letter inside.

"Remember when I told you my failure of a father had history with the Joestar family?"

You just stared at him and nodded silently. He send you a look signaling you to continue to read so you would understand what he meant.

The letter was from Georges Joestar. In it was a message telling Dio that he would be more than happy to take him in, as Dio's father was close to death. A cab would be sent to him as soon as Dio contacted Georges. As you finished reading you put the letter down and softly asked.

"You... You're going to live with the Joestar...?" there was a mix of surprise and sadness in your tone. Dio nodded in confirmation, and you smiled, trying to hide your sadness.

"It's amazing! Really! I'm so happy for you, Dio! You will live in an easy family and finally get what you always deserved!"

You were genuinely happy for your friend. You always told him how sofisticated, charming and smart he was. He was like a prince in the slums, he totally didn't belong in the piss hole you lived in.

No, a man like Dio belonged in a castle, with a bunch of servants ready to serve his every needs. He would flick your forehead everytime you told him this, telling you to stop fantasizing, but secretely hoping it would come true.

As the blond didn't respond you continued.

"You're going to have a great home, and eat a lot, and maybe you'll have a huge library there! I know you love books. And I'm sure you'll feel right at home, you belong in a place like that, I always said it! Your life is going to chang-"

"Y/N you're rambling again." Dio cut you off as he saw you were getting out of hand.

"Ahah, I'm sorry! It's just..." your expression softened as you looked down. "I'm so happy for you Dio... You're getting out of this crappy place once and for all." Even if you were happy for him, you couldn't shrug the pang of sadness in your heart.

"What's wrong Y/N? You should see your face right now." He said, noticing your obvious pain.

It hurt a little. After all, he was leaving you. You only had him, but now he was going away. You tried to imagine how your daily life would look like without him. It was painful.

You couldn't look at him, you were scared that if you did, you would start crying. You just looked away, staring at nothing.

"It's just... I'm going to miss you, Dio... A lot.." You didn't want to make it all about you so you quickly added.

"But it's okay! I'll write you some letters! And if you ever come to the city to visit we'll see each other, right? Let's say... On week-ends? Or I'll sneak into a train and come see you!"

You wanted to laugh it off, but stopped immediately when you felt warm calloused hands grab yours from across the table. Your expression faded and you stared at his sharp amber eyes.

"Y/N..."

You flinched and your breath hitched. The way he pronounced your name made your heart flutter. You really felt like it was the end for you both when he spoke like that. You wanted to carve his voice deep inside your memory before he went.

"Y/N, I have an objective. There's something that I need to do. I'll come back to London, and I'll come back to you eventually." He explained with dark determination.

He tightened his grip on your hands and you nodded in understanding without a word, not trusting your voice at the moment.

"I'll tell you when I'll go. Don't do anything reckless when I'm gone. Don't go to Ogre street. Come home early. This is not a request this is an order."

He let go of your hands and got up, you got up afterwards and without thinking, ran up to him, abruptly wrapping your arms around his waist. You buried your face in his chest, trying to hide your tears.

You felt him sigh and caress your head gently, letting you sob in his arms.

He was definitely coming back to you, that's for sure. After all, he wasn't done making you his.

Dio is the one character that I can't seem to write about? I don't know, I understand his personality and motives and actions, but writing something with him makes him out of character. Everything I write about him feels wrong.

Curse you Dio, you fucking whore.

#jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba #jojo #phantom blood #writing #dio #dio brando #reader insert #x reader #jojo no kimyou na bouken #jojo part 1 #part 1 #dio x reader #dio brando x reader

[schrijverr]

Arrival on Queen Herman (The Truth)

How Miekka found themself aboard Queen Herman and why they decided to stay.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: slight recovery from loosing an arm. Tell me if I missed anything or if you want me to tag something!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Miekka woke up disorientated. Their right side was burning and they were pretty sure that opening their eyes would make them pass out from the pain again. They were about to give up on even trying to get back when a voice called out: “You’re awake, eh?”

They groaned and the person laughed: “I can imagine you’re feeling like that,” then continuing with a more serious tone, “but I need you to wake up a bit more. You need to drink this to gather a bit of your strength.”

“Who’re you?” their voice sounded liked it was hanging on by a thread, which was quite similar to how they were feeling overall.

“I’m the Doc.” the Doc answered, “I’m here to make sure you don’t die, alright. Let’s just focus on that.”

“Tha’s not really a name.” Miekka slurred, not entirely sure why they were still attempting to talk at all.

“I know.” there was something they couldn't place in her voice as a big hand cradled Miekkas head, bringing it up to help drink a bit, “You can also call me Adora if you’d like, but most just call me Doc or the Doc.”

Miekka hummed noncommittally and just focused their strength on swallowing, not having the energy to ask what was going on nor the energy to hear much of what the Doc told them. The broth was soothing, though they fell asleep halfway through.

When Miekka woke up again they were feeling much better, but that was compared to the first time, so the bar was low. They still felt terrible, just less so.

“Hello?” they called out, not moving their head to see if there was anyone in the room with them.

“Awake again, I see.” that was the Doc, a name faintly tickled the side of their brain, but it floated away before they could grasp it.

“Yes, I am.” Miekka answered.

“And more coherent too.” the Doc sounded pleased with that.

Miekka smiled weakly and nodded, before they asked: “Where am I? What happened?”

“We found you nearly knocking on deaths door with a bunch of sirens trying to make you their lunch. You’re lucky you made it out alive.” the Doc answered, “We’re the crew of Queen Herman, glad to have you aboard.”

“Queen Herman?” the name sounded familiar, but Miekkas pain-addled brain couldn’t figure out which connection it had to make.

“It’s the name of the ship.” the Doc told them, thinking that was their question, “But that’s enough talking for now, here I’ll apply some numbing salve to your side. Then I got some more broth for you.”

She applied the salve gently, before getting the bowl. While she fed Miekka the broth, she talked them through what their options were from here. The Queen Herman would be able to provide them with a new arm, but they would have to stay in order to help pay it off or they could drop them in the nearest port with a decent hospital.

“You don’t have to make a decision now, especially when we’re still a good while from any ports and you should focus more on healing, but it is certainly something to think about.” Doc said.

Miekka made a noise of agreement, their mind already twisting with possibilities and choices. If they were to stay to could have it all. A new life, a chance at glory, no more Company with shitty regulations that didn’t care for the people that made them big.

In the back of their mind a voice reminded them of Bertrand and the others. Would it be a betrayal to grab this opportunity of freedom without them? Another harsher voice told them how alone they’d been, how no one had come for them, cared enough to follow. Why would they sacrifice even more for them? Were they not betrayed as well?

Hadn’t they done enough?

Their mind was already beginning to set on of the options, but they stayed silent. No need to bind themself just yet, just in case.

The Doc seemed to catch on to their thoughtful mood and left with a soft goodbye, telling them to just call if they ever needed her and to get some rest, they were going to need it.

And so the days passed. Miekka saw the Doc from time to time when she came to check up on them and make sure they rested. They fell in and out of their surroundings until they were healed enough to start moving again.

When they were able to get out of bed and walk to the table on their own the Doc announced it was time to make a decision: “Captain’s told me we’re closing in on a port. He wants to meet you properly and hear of your decision.”

“I shall be delighted to meet the leader of my saviors.” Miekka said, “What is to be expected of me? Any courtesy that is meant to be granted?”

The Doc huffed lightly, then said: “Just make sure to call him Captain Redfright and be sure to have a plan. He doesn’t like hesitation.”

“Thank you, good doctor, I will remember that.” Miekka smiled.

They ate their meal and got ready to meet the Captain. They got some new clothes that actually fit them and looked presentable as well as. Allowing the Doc to buckle their belt that held their sword, they wondered how they had managed to hold on to it.

Doc lead them through wooden halls stacked with crates and they could hear the sounds of life all around them. No one stopped them, but Miekka saw all sorts of different people glance at them, sizing them up.

Unconsciously they straightened up their spine, trying to appear taller and more in charge, though they doubted they were very successful with their small stature and mangled side.

When they were standing in front of a dark green door with an impressive handle, Doc turned to them and said: “Well, I’ll be going then. Good luck.”

Miekka appreciated the sentiment useless as it was, especially when the door seemed to loom over them and the realization hit them that they had no clue of what to expect behind those doors.

They swallowed and knocked.

The short silence that followed seemed to stretch out until a heavy voice called out: “Enter.”

Not wanting to be told twice, they opened the door and did exactly that. Inside there was a big desk filled with maps, books and measuring equipment. Behind it sat a man with a thick black beard dressed in a red coat and a big hat resting crookedly on top of his head.

“You’re alive I see.” he grinned, showing off a gold tooth resting between yellowed brethren, “We weren’t sure you were going to make it for a while there.”

“What can I say, I am amazingly talented at survival and tough as nails. No one takes me down without a fight.” Miekka responded, the words spilling out of their mouth without thinking about them.

Luckily it seemed that Captain Redfright didn’t seem to mind, he just let out a hearty laugh and said: “That’s the spirit, young-en’,” then he turned more serious and continued, “Speaking about spirit. Do you have the fighters spirit to stay or are you going to depart when we reach land? Siren hunting is not for the faint of heart, nor is piracy.”

“I did not nearly die to be called a coward, Captain Redfright. I’m not going anywhere if I have the chance to get back at them.” they answered.

That was apparently exactly the answer he was hoping for, because he extended his had with a grin: “Your words prove that you are not. Welcome aboard the Queen Herman, Miekka. I will inform the Doc to get you that prosthetic. Now get going.”

“Aye, aye, Captain.”

#RR writing #RR Original #Miekka 'Siren Slayer' Walraven #The Tales of Miekka 'Siren Slayer' Walraven #Adora The Doc Genlyd #Captain Redfright #pirates #Pirate OC #tw: recovery #Queen Herman

[staygoldponebone]

Friday Night With the Curtis Boys

Pairing: n/a

Request by: anonymous

Prompt: "This tastes horrible."

Summary: just an average night at the Curtis residence.

As soon as Darry came through the front door, he threw his keys down and kicked his shoes off. He was tired and hungry. But instead of making himself something to eat or grabbing a blanket, Darry just turned the television on. The Beverly Hillbillies appeared on screen and Darry smiled in delight.

While Darry sat in the living room, Pony was sprawled out on his bed. His nose was stuck in a book and his brow rested in a crinkle. His foot mocked a tapping against the air around him as he absent-mindedly bit the inside of his cheek. He was so caught up in his book that he didn't notice the time until the light that spilled into the window had faded to a dimly lit sun. He turned to his clock and pulled himself up at the sight of the numbers.

Soda's evening wasn't even spent at home. Soda was sitting at the DX, screwing around with his co-workers. They were closing in a few minutes so they spent that time talking and making fun of each other.

"Man, Tony, you sure are greasy!" Soda exclaims, elbowing the boy who grabbed a bag of chips off the shelf.

"At least I ain't as greasy as Steve!" Tony laughed, throwing a five on the counter. "Evie's so clingy 'cause if she ain't, you slide outta grip."

Steve stood with his hands on his hips. "Well, I may be greasy, but at least I got hair. Right, Jimmy?"

A petite boy stood behind the register, counting the money. He shook his head, adjusting the ball cap that sat upon it. "What'd I do to you, Randle?"

The other boys laughed before Jimmy pointed out the time.

Soda clocked out and headed home. When he got there, all he could hear was bickering between his brothers.

"I don't wanna make dinner!" Pony was exclaiming.

"Well, it's your turn!" Darry replied.

"Well, I have to do homework!"

"Ponyboy Michael!"

"What?!"

"Why did you wait 'til now to do it?!"

Soda sighed at the scene, then headed for the kitchen. "I got it!" He calls.

His siblings calmed down for a bit, subtle glares being exchanged between them.

Soda goes over to the pots on the stoves, then through the cabinets to see what they have. When he spotted the macaroni noodles, he grinned. But soon his grin twisted into a look of confusion. "Where's the cheese for the macaroni?" He asks.

"Two-Bit ate it for breakfast." Pony states.

"Just the cheese?"

Pony shrugs. "I guess."

"Ok..." Soda took the box of noodles to the counter. He began boiling water on the stove and looking for something to go with it.

He went back through the cabinet, finding a jar of spaghetti sauce. He took it out along with a can of green beans.

While Soda made dinner, Ponyboy sat alone at the kitchen table, doing math homework. Or so Darry and Soda thought. He was actually staring down at his pencil, wondering why Angela was glaring at him all day today for no reason. Did I say something wrong? He thought.

He hated thinking that he did something to her. I tried to be nice. He thought. I smiled at her in geography and she flipped me off.

Maybe he could ask Curly tomorrow. Curly would probably just-

"Ponyboy, I thought you were doing homework..." Darry said, arms crossed.

"I am." Pony replied, motioning to his math book.

"Your paper's blank and you've been staring at it for a while now." 

"I'm just tired..."

"Well, if you wouldn't wait so long to do your homework, then maybe...." His voice trailed off as he went into the living room.

The Beverly Hillbillies wasn't on anymore and Darry decided to work on the bills, that were stacked up by his calculator and notebook. He was squinting down at the numbers in front of him, reaching into the breast pocket of his shirt for his reading glasses.

Once he could see, Darry sighed at the amounts he saw. And being so consumed by bills, he didn't even see Soda standing beside him.

"Hey, Dar?" Soda mumbled.

"What's up, little buddy?" Darry replied, turning to his kid brother.

"Can you open this for me?"

Darry took the jar of spaghetti sauce from him and unscrewed the lid with ease.

While that happened, Soda looked over at the scribbles in Darry's book. "I'll take water and groceries this month." He offered.

"Huh?" Soda motioned down at the notebook and Darry smiled. "Oh. Thanks."

Soda smiled back, taking his jar. "And thank you."

After a few more minutes of the three Curtis boys doing their own work, Soda announced that dinner was ready. The three met at the table with plates stacked high with macaroni. Darry took the first bite of food, then Pony, then Soda. Soda was the first to talk.

"This tastes horrible." He states.

The two others looked at him in confusion. "It tastes like regular spaghetti..." Darry states.

"But it tastes....boring."

"Oh!" Pony replied. "I get it."

"Yeah. It's just so....disappointing."

Darry looked between his two brothers. "I don't understand. It tastes fine."

"There's no color, though, so it tastes wrong." Soda explains.

"How many times do I have to say this? Coloring doesn't have a flavor."

"Yes, it does!"

Pony chimes in. "Purple tastes like, oh, I don't know..."

"Like meatballs!" Soda says, his hands smacking the table.

"Yeah!" Pony agreed.

Darry furrowed his brow. "No. It tastes like nothing. Colors don't have flavor."

"That's a lie. Ever eaten gummy bears?"

Darry sighed with a light-hearted laugh. "You got me there."

~ ~ ~ ~

@no-good-hoodies @sodapopwinston98 @emmyrosee @tlmarco @wyrmythedragon @mocurlyshepard @ponyboyvhs @starryrevelations @comeheredarlingg @liam-alexander-winston @salladwinston @unique05sstuff @cat-the-great @ponydoyourhomework @golden-sun-rises @darrycurtisappreciation @willowlikesdallaswinston @leeb10111 @dallaswinstonsgirl724 @des-the-mess @s0uthside-princess @the80sgold @steveandsoda @intergalactic-gabriel @nickhoffert15 @anxiety-at-the-classroom (sorry if you didn't wanna be tagged. I'm just so proud of myself for getting something done!! Also I found my old taglist so yay!!)

#the outsiders #the outsiders imagine #the outsiders fanfiction #the curtis brothers #the curtis family #darry curtis #ponyboy curtis #sodapop curtis #steve randle #two bit mathews #angela shepard #curly shepard #twttin #twttin imagine #twttin fanfiction

[colitisandme]

Firstly Hi again. I am sorry I have been absent for the past few months. Truth is, I have been feeling rougher than a badgers arse and keeping myself away from people with eyes for their own good. The last few months have been particularly tricky to navigate after my last surprising hospital stay. It did not go well. But I wanted to start this year off by doing a year in review... looking back at what’s happened and try to find a Kum by ya moment in a sea of well of just waaaaaaaaaaaah and arrrrrrrgh! So journey with me through the past 12 months of life, love and quite literally the pursuit of toilet roll.

I greeted January with a hi five and with eternal optimism of what this year could bring, “ This was going to be our year” we said with proud and happy voices, only later sadly discovering my optimism had clearly been marinading in all the new years alcohol, and so drunk, incorreherent and nearly blind stumbled into a ravine where it bobbed about helplessly in a sea of tears before plunging into the abyss. Ideal.

In February, Phyllis Fibro barged her way past my defence system, and squeezed her fat behind into my life and with no warning announced she was going to be here for the duration, turned my limbs to jelly, gave me chronic insomnia, ate all my happy snacks, and let her cats scoot in the trifle of my life. Phyllis is like the relative who turns up for a ‘short surprise visit’ sets up camp in your spare bedroom, deletes all your favourite shows off your tv planner, eats your food out of the fridge, steals your favourite clothes then proceeds to stretch them out and give them back to you when they look like overstretched scrotum... all the time finding new and inventive ways of irritating you on a daily basis. That short stay turns into you finding a truck has turned up at your house bulging at the seems of boxes, clothes 13 clothes horses, giant ball of string, bag of costumes for cats and a yearly subscription to ‘football hooligans and where to find them in your neighbourhood’ in your name. We are not friends, I do not like her and wish she would vacate my body as there is simply no room for her and I think her merely being there is catapulting useful stuff out of my ears and filling the space they used to be with goo. I am sure she takes great delight when I try and blindly grasp for the correct word in a sentence and sweating and stammering exclaim ‘ it’s very nice to meet your umbrella/ sandwich/ watering can’ when I meant to say BROTHER. I am sure she cackles heartily whilst they back away with panic on their faces ... it’s an ideal way to make friends and influence people.

Due to the fact Phyllis was turning my brain, legs and general well being into jelly, I was given medication.... have you ever heard your own heart beat? I have. I have also had the pleasure of replaying the lyrics to a Mcfly song in my head for 8 hours straight.... (am 35 years old and so teen pop should not be the automatic thing my drug induced brain turns too) and had a continuous plot line to ‘How I met your Mother on’ repeat.... These are not brilliant side effects to have at 2 in the morning whilst your husband is blissfully slumbering away in the background and your so tired that you want to chew the pillow and cry. So after several weeks of this, it was decided by everyone within a global radius that that particular medication was not for me. Probably for the best as it felt like my heart was going to explode out of my ears and my pupils were the size of saucers. But after they removed it I realised was just going to be little me vs Phyllis, a battle still going on to this day.

March/April brought the beginning of Lockdown and that endless pursuit of well-being, equilibrium, sanity and toilet roll. A shopping trip was like witnessing snarling animals over a territory dispute...strangers with eyes staring, yelling, barging, arguments over who had the bigger trolley every time we want to a supermarket... People scrabbling to get that last pack of baked beans, bowling grandmas down the isles, sending shoppers flying like bowling pins, climbing over children, ripping open packs of spaghetti then proceeding to stab people’s eyes with it, just to get the last bag of cheesy snacks on the shelf... incoherently grunting at the cowering till workers. Like a scene from Shaun of the Dead. I hoped that a crisis would bring out the best in us, that we would all come together and support and look out for our fellow man but no such luck there. And when you are already battling several illnesses all trying to set up a commune inside your body, the thought of going out into the madness that was unfolding all around us was terrifying.

June/July/August was the summer of isolation. Now I deal with isolation on a daily basis but even when your illnesses do a fabulous job of isolating, you find things, tiny things to focus on, enjoy and look forward to. First good thing in this period of isolation, was that I found out I was nominated for an award FOR MY LITTLE BLOG!!! (Victory cookies, trumpets sounded, woo hoo noises) This was a huge surprise and completely awesome. I was so blessed and felt incredibly honoured to even be considered. I truly think that this was one of the proudest moments and achievements in my life and it’s something I remain hugely proud of. Secondly early during this time myself and my dear friend who runs a hugely successful FB group supporting those who have Microscopic Colitis, decided we were going to come together and write a book about living with Microscopic Colitis including my blogs and stories. This makes me go eeeeeeeeeeeeeeep and almost wee myself with excitement. We can’t wait to put it all together for you all. And thirdly my very clever, very awesome husband had passed his last ACCA exam (Yaaaay) and our bubble was holding strong, Me and my husband were adapting to lockdown life and enjoying our time together. All was good.

For a few months, I ignored my raging body, put my fingers in my ears and loudly sang ‘la la la la’ everytime one threatened to ruin my day... ‘I will just try harder’ I would say or ‘it’s not effecting me’ or ‘it’s not beating me’ ... blindly ignoring the fact that my body was screaming at me... because I am stupidly stubborn. I refuse to let anything beat me... especially illness. However an unfortunate event happened around this time, and after it happened, my illnesses must of all had a pow wow, came together by torchlight and all decided that with no warning they were going to barge past my defences, clobber my Arsenal, scratch their eyes out tromp up and down my body yelling “Na na na na na we told you so” in my ears, whist Phyllis stomped on my limbs. She then got out her mallet, whacked my hands so they blew up, and then proceeded to harness her artistic side and paint my hands blue just coz she thought regular skin colour was ‘so last season’ and using a giant straw sucked all the colour out of my face. Miss Anxiety who was usually fairly quiet in her zen garden of peace, decided now was the perfect time to start learning Death Metal music without wearing earphones, whilst reading me my favourite novel ‘100 reasons why you failed’ at in oppertune hours of the morning. Slowly Colin the colon began blowing himself up like a balloon, and built a giant wall so I couldn’t poop and I shook like a vibrator on setting 4. And I couldn’t stop it... it completely swamped me. All that ‘it doesn’t matter it’s not beating me’ was hogwash all the ‘you’re defying what you should be doing’ from my doctors went out of the window.... I was struggling and I knew it and so did my body and once more I had nothing outside my little bubble to distract me from it.

Which leads me to the worst 3 months since I first had the symptoms of Microscopic Colitis and Colin the Colon began behaving like an uncooperative toddler hyped up on sweeties. I kid you not. Brace yourself.

Now firstly I want to firmly state I am used to pain. I am aware that It’s better to be used to daisies or marshmallows, or stroking puppies but sadly I am used to pain. Phyllis gives me a lot of it on a daily and nightly basis. I also have a high pain threshold. No honestly I do. I can be stoic when in pain. Which is useful. You won’t often know I am in crippling pain unless I tell you. So when I say September was the month we refer to as ‘agonising pain month’ you can be sure it really was. A niggle in mid September, which naturally I ignored, turned into ‘HOLY CRAP WHY IS THE DEVIL DOING A CAN CAN ON MY BACK WHIST INSERTING HOT POKERS THROUGH MY SIDE??’ (Insert 39 creative swear words) I tried to go to my happy place which was replaced by fire and knives, deep breathing techniques, which when applied felt like I was breathing in acid’ and positive thoughts were replaced with demons in a conga line singing a rousing rendition of “boiled and roasted, lightly toasted, fricase and lit and flambéd” in unison. Cue paramedics, more swearing, being sent to hospital via ambulance, sucking gas and air, been given a plethora of drugs, poking, needles, and my right hand side feeling like all my nerves were being forcibly twanged like the strings in a guitar. The pain would not go, it did not change, it didn’t ease, it led to 5 days in 3 different wards where it was too painful to touch my skin, mind numbing exhaustion where it felt like my legs were encased in lead and taking a few steps felt like I had run up a mountain, and showers where I would be huddled over in tears trying to wash myself, keep balance and not shout obscenities at my wash cloth.

When you have on your notes that you have a chronic illness resulting in widespread pain, and you end up in hospital trying to explain your body is trying to leave its self forcibly and quickly through a firery tunnel of woe, guess what happens? They assume it’s the chronic illness. Yep. You are immediately bundled into that catorgory without a second thought. Doesn’t matter the pain was on my right hand side, felt like I was being stabbed through my lung, and have never had anything like it before. Nope. And throughout my whole stay I felt like an imposter. Like I shouldn’t be there. Even though I was in so much pain I couldn’t stand and even lying down made me go cross eyed it felt like I was being judged. Scruitinised. They knew I needed to be there. But somehow made me feel like it was all part of my condition. It wasn’t. The stay was also traumatic. There were some very very poorly people on my ward, having incredibly tough conversations with drs, family, hospice and my heart broke more than once during my stay. And my pain team who I have been under since I was introduced to Phyllis, did not come and see me once. Not cocking once, despite being asked to several times. I was not impressed to say the least.

Once I returned home, (still in sodding pain I might add) I had multiple attacks. One attack was so bad my wonderful best friend had to come and rescue me as I had dropped to the floor and couldn’t get up again... and I was completely on my own at the time so thank Christ she did, or Kyle would have come home to me lying on the floor surrounded by a puddle of wee and tears with chew marks in the carpet, where I have tried to propel myself across the room by my teeth. And the thing about consuming more meds than a pharmaceutical trade convention, is that it effected Colin. He declined to let anything pass, like a hulky bouncer at a club... He denied ANYTHING to go through, for 9 days... after 9 days sweating, cramping, hobbling due to back spasms, red faced eyes bulging and dizzy I presented again in casualty .... so off balance in fact I dropped my phone down the loo in a&e and then panicked trying to scoop out the urine sodden device attempting to drying it out under a dryer... sigh. And would they help with Colin, even though I have a bowel disease? NO! “Wait until you reach 11 days, and if no movement then, then we will intervene” I was told. 11 COCKING DAYS!!!! If there was no movement by 11 days they would not have had to intervene, they would have found me on day 11 swearing, full of a combination of laxatives, prunes and other such things scooting on their bloody floor shouting obscenities at the toilet bowl, trying to get my colon out with a spoon. This bout of constipation led to tearing so much i lost so much blood I filled a toilet bowl and consequently 3 more weeks of hydrocortisone suppositories, laxtatives and pain killers and it’s still effecting me now. Colin is most certainly not my friend at the moment. During this time feeling thoroughly abandoned I sought advice in private health care who discovered during a scan that I had a new resident in my right lung... I call him Filbert the lung goblin. He is a small undertiminable mass and is also not bloody welcome. There is no room. I have made it clear to him that he is not staying long but he ignores me and likes to find ways of stomping on my lung in his big Goblin boots at various times of the day causing me to yell out in surprise and pain.

So fast forward to the present day, complete with Phyllis, Colin, Filbert and god knows who else. I have been to physio for my back, (my right side of my back is rigid) where each session she either gives me exercises through zoom or she bends me like a pretzel and pulls me in different directions in person, (after making sure I have consumed enough painkillers to take down a fully grown Rhino) making my eyes bulge. I have been having regular sessions with a Psychologist who is helping me work on ... well me, and it’s not easy. This new back complication makes it doubly difficult, as even the smallest movement in my right hand side can set off hours of hell and spasms so I have had to have found other ways of moving, writing, working holding things and generally coping. I lost my dear friend a little while ago so I am also grieving in my own way for her. But I am also acutely aware that we and our family are safe when thousands have not been, We and our families are without COVID and allthogh isolation makes things harder, we are blessed we have what we have. It’s difficult to focus on the positive in a sea of crap, but I try to keep looking on what’s there rather than what’s missing. I try to find joy in the small things and am finally realising that I have to slow down. The realisation that I am ill has been a long time coming, and the further acceptance that comes with that is even more difficult. It’s definitely been a journey and even though it’s still one step in front of another, it’s still steps forward in the right direction, and even if I lose the map and veer off course, that’s okay too. It’s okay not to be okay and it’s okay to adjust to your new normal whatever that might be. It’s just another chapter and I think I am going to try and be more kind and accepting of my new normal moving forwards. So I start my year with a new found appreciation of myself, trying to be kinder to myself and trying to open up more to my loved ones. It’s been one hell of a year, but it’s a year of difficulties we have all shared in our own way. And by sharing we support each other. After all no matter what last year threw at us all and no matter what this year brings. We are all in this together. ❤️

[not-close-to-straight]

Frost (Chapter Eight)

ADDITIONAL CHAPTERS HERE

***************

Nothing changed right away between Loki and Tony, or at least not in any obvious way.

Perhaps their daily lunches were a little longer now, and Loki had definitely stopped changing wherever he hid. Now they ate every day in his solarium, their legs touching as they shared the couch, quietly talking about whichever book one was reading, or something that had happened the day before.

Tony still would join Loki in the gardens a couple times a week, following behind him with a watering can as Loki weeded the plants, or clipped roses to put in various vases around the castle.

At least once a week Thor would sit with them, usually on the floor by Tony's legs so he could see both of them, and always left with a kiss to Tony's head, and a soft word and hand on the shoulder for Loki.

It was nice. It was different, but it was nice.

And being able to kiss Tony was more than Loki had ever hoped for.

Just quick kisses of course, barely there brushes against his mouth, a hand on Tony's thigh or cupping his jaw for a few brief seconds before they parted.

Loki never pushed for more, and Tony never initiated it, but as the weeks wore on Loki was having a harder and harder time keeping himself in check, having a harder time pulling away when he should or keeping his hand from wandering up Tony's thigh.

But that was fine.

Because he hadn't had a moment in weeks where his skin shaded blue or the frost ran through him. Not since their dance when he had been so afraid of what was happening. And that was… encouraging. Loki felt calm around Tony, he felt at peace for the first time in years as they ate their lunches and shared light touches and gentle embraces.

Or at least he felt calm and at peace until Tony would shift closer and give that little moanthat he did whenever  Loki pulled away, or when he would just casually let his hand rest on Loki's leg, usually higher than necessary, and then wink in that entirely distracting way.

And it had been happening more often this last week, so Loki had risen this morning with one goal in mind-- To speak to Thor about taking things further.

And he was terrified.

***********************

“I would have a word with you, My King, if you have the time.” Loki stood in the doorway of Thor's study, grateful that the Thunder God chose to spend most of his time in  this room.

It was by no means small, but so much less intimidating than the throne room, and right now Loki was thankful for such a mercy.

“Loki.” Thor looked up immediately from the map on his desk, a warm smile splitting his face. “Come in. Sit.” He motioned to a chair. “How are you? It has been some time since you have come to speak with me.”

“I suppose.” Loki said cooly, and sat stiffly in the chair. “I came to speak with you about Anthony.”

“Is something wrong?” Thor was instantly on guard, protective and nearly bristling at the thought of any harm coming to his love.

“Leash your dog.” Loki said with a half smile, and Thor relaxed again, laughing at the old phrase from their childhood. It simply meant calm down but from the lips of brothers it had always been something of an insult and a sure way to start a fight, and he was delighted that Loki had chosen to use it.

“How many times did you say to me just before I thoroughly beat you, Loki? Surely you have learned your lesson after these centuries.”

“One would think.” Loki agreed, and then changed the subject, unsure of how to react to a smiling, friendly Thor. “Nothing is wrong with your hjartslattur, My King, I simply wish to--”

“You will call me Thor.” He interrupted, pointing at Loki sternly. “This ‘My King’ business is irritable and unnecessary. Under the eyes of others of course our titles are used but like this, we are simply men. You will call me Thor.”

“There are no men like us.” Loki replied loftily. “Do not demote us to that level.” When Thor just looked at him, he sighed. “But very well, Thor. I wish to speak about Anthony.”

“What about our Anthony?” Thor queried, and Loki was struck by how easily Thor used that word. Our. As if sharing Anthony was something he had always expected to do.

The thought was equal parts exhilarating and terrifying.

“Anthony and I have been--” Loki bit his lip, searching for the right words. “Getting closer, as you know. And I would ask your permission to engage him further. To spend time with him outside of our lunches and few afternoons in the garden.

“Has he expressed any interest in doing the same?” Thor leaned forward. “Have you had this conversation with him?”

“No.” Loki flushed and looked down. “No, I haven't. I thought to speak with you first. And he has shown interest in furthering our… dalliance, even though he has not brought the topic up. Anthony is allowing me to move at my own pace, slow as it may be.”

“Calling the hjartslattur bond a dalliance is insulting to all of us.” Thor announced. “It is far beyond a dalliance, and if it isn't on your part, you will face my anger. I will not have Anthony led along as if he is one of your many conquests.”

“You always had many more conquests than I.” Loki argued good naturedly and Thor frowned, managing to look completely offended.

“I beg to differ. When I would return from my travels to the other realms, every woman in the kingdom was speaking of your bed. The men too.”

“I may have played more in those days, without the god of thunder as a distraction.” Loki grinned, surprised by how easy it still was to tease Thor, to rile him up with no more than a few words.. “But worry not, what I want with Anthony is not a dalliance, however I am not sure what to call it, at this moment. And I would rectify that, with your permission.”

“It is not my permission you need. Anthony is his own man, it is his body and his heart to give. However, you do have my blessing to continue. I told Anthony weeks ago that however the hjartslattur bond came to be between the two of you, all would be well.”

Thor stood to his feet to come around the desk and Loki stood as well.

“Thank you. Your approval and blessing means--oh!” Loki startled when Thor stepped into his space, one big hand on the back of his neck, bringing him forward until their foreheads touched. Then his other hand wrapped around Loki's bicep, keeping him close in the way he had when they were younger, almost a hug but not quite, and all together more intimate.

“Thor--”

“It has been good to have you back, Loki.” Thor muttered. “I know there is still much healing to be had, especially between you and I, but we will get there. Even just this, even simply talking without fighting, without the anger, is a step forward. I am not aware of all you have suffered since--” Thor shook his head. “I will never know all you have suffered, but please. Please allow Anthonys love to heal you, to heal us. We will make it through this. We will.”

“We will.” Loki repeated, and closed his eyes, believing for the first time that maybe it was true.

***************** *****************

Loki was late to lunch that day, and Tony looked up at him from their couch, holding out his plate with a smile.

“Hey, there you are. I thought maybe you were going to ditch me.”

Loki didn't answer, just took the plate from Tony's hands and set it on the table before tangling his fingers in Tony's hair, slipping his other arm around Tony's waist and pulling him closer.

“Loki, what---” Tony's words were lost as Loki kissed him firmly, his lips first cold then so warm Tony could have melted into the couch.

He made a noise of protest when Loki made to lean away, and the demi god chuckled quietly before tightening his hold on Tony's hair and surging forward into a longer kiss, their mouths meeting and parting, tongue darting out to sweep along Tony's lips before withdrawing, teasing little nips with sharp teeth, until Tony was whining and trying to get closer, but Loki held him firmly still, close but not too close, until he finally broke the kiss.

“Oh my god.” Tony's eyes were still closed, and when Loki lay one last kiss on his mouth, he sighed. “Why haven't you kissed me like that before?”

“I never would have been so presumptuous to kiss you quite like that without permission first.” Loki answered quietly. “But I will confess to dreaming about it.”

“Yeah?” Tony smiled a little, pressing their foreheads together. “Since when?”

“Longer than I care to admit.” Loki kissed him again, then one last time before easing away so he could see the pretty flush on Tony's cheeks, the heat in those dark eyes when they finally opened, the frustratingly adorable way he bit at his lip.

“So um--” Tony cleared his throat. “Is that why they call you Silver Tongue?”

“There are many reasons why I have that nickname.” Loki teased quietly. “Several have to do with this sort of activity.”

“Oh my god.” Tony said again and Loki smiled, slow and seductive.

“Anthony, if you are going to call for a deity--”

“What is it with you guys and that?” Tony said a little breathlessly, tugging at his shirt collar because wow he was hot after that kiss. “Thor says the same thing.”

“Just seems rude to not call us by name.” Loki said, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh my god.” Tony rolled his eyes this time, and Loki cupped his jaw.

“Again, darling, if you're going to call for a deity--” Loki took his mouth again, his tongue pressing at the seam of Tony's lips until he opened on a groan, then dipping inside to lick and taste every inch, every corner until Tony was moaning and clutching at Loki’s shirt.

“Loki.” He breathed when they parted, and his eyes fluttered open, dazed and unfocused. “Loki.”

“Anthony.” Loki whispered. “You are beautiful like this.”

It was perfect between them right now, and Loki's guard was down, his magic relaxed--

--and then his eyes widened in horror when Tony shivered away from his touch, because Loki's hands were the dark blue of his Jotunn form, and he knew when his eyesight changed and sharpened that his eyes had turned as well.

“Forgive me.” Loki wrenched away from him and stumbled to his feet. “Anthony, forgive me, I thought I had better control over--”

“Stop. Stop, don't go.” Tony jumped up to and grabbed Loki's wrist, grimacing from the overwhelming cold but not letting go.

“Anthony, please--” Loki snapped his eyes shut. “Please just--”

“I like the blue.” Tony cut in and Loki's eyes opened wide. “The red is a little shocking but I can get used to it. The blue is pretty, I--I’m a fan.”

“If you hold too long I will burn your skin.” Loki said, his lips barely moving, still unable to believe that Tony hadnt run away. “Let go, for your sake.”

Tony let go, only to pull his shirt sleeve over his hand and reach for him again. “Why does your skin do that?” He sat back down and pulled Loki back with him. “I've seen it before, like you fade blue, what is that? You can't control it? And the cold, like when we danced? I assumed it was the wind turning cold but it was… you?”

“It is my Jotunn form.” Loki was still staring down in shockk at where Tony was holding his wrist. “I am a frost giant, and the form you know is my glamour.”

“There was a lot of words there I don't understand, but keep talking.” Tony reached for one of the blankets on the settee and placed it over Loki's arm before grabbing him tight again, the cold soaking through even those layers after a few minutes.

“My control over my glamour weakened considerably after my time with…” Loki's throat jerked as he swallowed. “After my time away from Asgard, and now if I am feeling anything too strongly, it slips entirely.”

“So you were kissing me and--”

“And lost myself.” Loki finished, looking down at his hands. “And here we are.”

“Um--” Tony was trying to figure out what to say, how to say it, but he was shifting around on the couch as the cold from Loki's form soaked into the cushions, and frost started creeping up the windows. “Loki I--”

“Forgive me, Anthony.” Loki pulled away, turning his collar up and hiding his hands in his cloak. “You shouldn't have to see this.”

He was gone before Tony could say anything else, disappearing through the doorway to his bedroom, shutting the door and sliding the bolt.

Tony sat there, rubbing his hands together uncomfortably, trying to get rid of the chill that had settled in his bones.

***********************

#ncts fics #thunderironfrost #frost iron #thunderfrost #tony stark #loki #thor

[still-with-hearts-beating]

this love is ours (jane/kurt fanfic + #bspromptchallenge)

project: @blindspothiatusproject 30 day gif/fanfic prompt challenge

day 23. new york city

  A/N: seems that @janietattoos and I were on a similar brainwave for this prompt! I had just finished this up when I read her delightful fic. (And if anyone hasn’t checked out her awesome contributions to the challenge, do so now!)

  this love is ours

  “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to New York City. The local time is 1:17am and it is currently 20 degrees at John F. Kennedy airport. We appreciate your patience with all of the delays today,” the announcement cackled through the airplane speaker a few seconds after the plane touched down.

“We just have one more short delay as we wait for them to clear some equipment from the gate. We’ll have you deplaned and on your way shortly.”

Kurt sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. At this point, a few more minutes weren’t going to make a difference. He was already two and a half days late and he and Jane had long since missed their flight to Barbados.

  It had all been planned out. After four days in Washington for meetings, Kurt would fly home to New York on Thursday and he and Jane would fly out on Friday afternoon for a long overdue week away. He’d been at the airport in DC, ready to board his flight when he heard his name paged over the loudspeaker.

  When he arrived at the desk, he was greeted by the airline agent and a very nervous-looking gentleman. They explained the situation to him: the other passenger was booked on the next flight to New York, a mere ninety minutes later, but his wife had gone into early labour and he was trying to get home sooner. They didn’t even have to ask before Kurt offered his seat to the man, agreeing to take the later flight.

  He texted Jane to explain and she responded quickly with “No problem, going to get a pedicure!”

  Little did Kurt know, that small act of kindness would earn him two straight days in the Dulles International Airport as, what had started as a light dusting of snow, turned into a major snowstorm that had grounded hundreds of flights in the DC area.

  The delays had been minor at first. Thirty minutes, then fifty. Then two hours. He pushed away the nagging feeling that things were not going to go his way but as his delayed boarding time approached, the announcement came: flight canceled.

  He tried in vain to get on another flight that day but had no luck. The soonest they could get him out was 8 a.m. the following morning. And even that was looking less and less likely as the snow continued pilling up on the ground.

  “We have until 2 p.m. tomorrow,” Jane said, hopefully, as he gave her the update over the phone. “I’ll pack your suitcase and come meet you at the airport.”

  He said a silent prayer that her optimism was well placed but, as the next two days would prove, luck had not been on their side. One after the other, Kurt’s flights had been canceled and before too long, their window for making their flight to Barbados had closed.

  “I’m so sorry, honey,” Jane said as he called her with the news that the flight that had been their last chance had been canceled. He couldn’t help but chuckle and shake his head.

  “Why are you sorry? I’m the one who’s ruined our vacation,” he said sadly.

  “You haven’t ruined anything. You did the right thing by giving that guy your seat. Just get home safe, I’ll see if I can get us moved to a later flight. I just feel bad that you’ve been stuck in the airport for so long.”

  She had managed to move them to a flight the following morning but alas, he had missed that one, too. The next available flight to Barbados wasn’t until Wednesday so they had made the decision to cancel and try to reschedule the trip for another time.

  He scrolled through some emails as the cab drove through the streets of New York to their apartment. He saw one from a name that was familiar, but he couldn’t place it. As he opened it, he realized it was from the man he’d given his seat to. Kurt remembered he’d asked for his card before he boarded the plane.

  Thanks again, it read, along with a picture of him, his wife and their newborn.

  “At least one good thing came out of these three days,” Kurt mumbled with a smile.

  The cab arrived at their building and he quickly paid the fare and made his way inside, desperate to see Jane, have a shower, and get a proper night’s sleep in their bed – in that order.

  The apartment was dark when he opened the door, save for the light by the entrance that Jane had left on for him. He had texted her when he had finally boarded his plane and she’d responded with two “fingers crossed” emojis, both hoping that this flight would finally be the one that got him home.

  He dropped his bag by the door and kicked off his shoes as he shuffled towards their bedroom. The door was open and he smiled as he saw Jane curled up on his side of the bed, her face buried in his pillow. As he got closer, he saw she was wearing one of his T-shirts, too.

  He knelt down beside the bed and brushed her hair off her face, leaning in and pressing his lips to hers in a soft kiss. He felt her stir awake and she lifted her head, reaching out and brushing her fingers against his cheek.

  “You’re home,” she said with a relieved smile, leaning forward to kiss him again. “I missed you.”

  “I missed you,” he sighed, leaning his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry about our trip...” he started to say but she shook her head, bringing her finger up to his lips.

  “Enough of that. I’m just glad you’re home safe. We’ll have other trips,” she said with a smile. He brushed his lips against her forehead before standing up.

  “I’m just going to have a quick shower,” he said as he began pulling off the clothes he’d been in for nearly three days.

  She was still awake when he returned from the shower and crawled in beside her, pulling her into his arms. She tangled her legs with his and pressed her face against his chest, wrapping her arms around his torso. She sighed and pressed a kiss over his heart, letting her lips linger there as he tangled his hand in her hair.

  “This is better than any beach,” she murmured as they both drifted off to sleep.

  She let him sleep in the next morning, knowing that he had slept in airport chairs the previous two nights. It was just before noon when she tiptoed into their room, holding a cup of hot coffee that she set down on his nightstand before gently crawling on top of him.

  She leaned down, pressing a trail of soft kisses to his chest, his shoulders, his neck, his chin and finally his lips, grinning as she felt him kiss her back.

  “Good morning, sleepyhead,” she murmured as his hands found her waist and he pulled her closer. “Or almost afternoon,” she added, sitting up and glancing at the clock and he turned his head to follow her gaze.

  “I did not mean to sleep that long,” he said with a chuckle as he lay back in bed, folding his arms behind his head.

  “You needed it,” she said as she sat up, resting her hands against his chest. “And guess what?” she asked, her lips curling into a hesitant grin. He raised his eyebrows as he waited for her to continue. “It’s snowing,” she whispered.

  He lifted his head and looked out the window to see big snowflakes falling from the sky. He groaned and flopped back against his pillow, covering his eyes with his hands.

  “I never want to see snow again,” he muttered and she laughed, leaning down to kiss him.

  “I can think of a few good ways to spend a snow day,” she whispered against his lips as her hands slid down his torso to his hips, hooking her fingers into the waistband of his boxers.

  “Mmmm...and what might those be?” he asked with a grin as he brought his own hands back to her waist. Before she could answer, he’d flipped them over and she landed against the mattress with a shriek before bursting into a fit of giggles.

  “You catch on quickly,” she said with a laugh before he dipped his head down to capture her lips again.

  Later, after she had pulled him out of bed with the promise of a late breakfast, he gazed out the window as they ate the fried egg sandwiches she had made for them (a specialty of his that he had taught her how to make when she first moved in).

  “Let’s go for a walk,” he suggested and she raised her eyebrows at him, surprised. It was still snowing pretty hard.

  “In this? I thought you never wanted to see snow again,” she said with a grin. He shrugged his shoulders as he took the last bite of his sandwich.

  “It’s pretty,” he admitted. “And I’ve been cooped up in the airport for three days, I could use some fresh air.”

  She agreed and after they had tidied up, they bundled themselves up and headed out into the snowfall, hand in hand.

  They walked for a while and before Jane realized it, they were in Central Park. She had never seen it like this, completely blanketed with snow and she looked up in amazement at the trees as they walked beneath them.

  “It’s so beautiful like this,” she whispered, pausing to admire a huge Douglas Fir that seemed to have every individual pine needle covered in snow. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

  He murmured in agreement and she turned around to face him but he wasn’t where she expected him to be. Instead, he was down on one knee, holding a small black box in one hand.

  Jane gasped, her eyes widening as he reached out and took her hand with his.

  “I was going to do this on the beach,” he said with a smile. “But Mother Nature had other plans for us.”

  Jane laughed and nodded, her eyes filling with tears.

  “And as much as I would love to be on a beach right now, there’s something about being in the city we call home that feels much more right,” she squeezed his hand as she bit her lip, trying to hold back her tears. “I love you so much,” he whispered, his own eyes tearing up. “You have shown me how good my life can be and it’s that way because you’re in it.”

  He leaned in and pressed a kiss to the top of her hand and she felt her tears slip onto her cheeks.

  “I want to spend every day of the rest of my life with you, trying to make you as happy as you make me. I want you to be my wife. Will you marry me?”

  “Yes,” she whispered immediately, leaning down and throwing her arms around his neck as her lips crashed down on his. “Yes, yes, yes, yesyesyesyesyesyes,” she rambled, her lips never leaving his and he laughed as she pushed them back into the snow.

  He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close as they kissed and ignoring the snow that was soaking through the back of his jacket and his jeans.

  “Sorry, was that a yes?” he asked with a grin as they parted and she narrowed her eyes at him before leaning in to kiss him again.

  “Yes,” she mumbled against his lips, giggling as he flipped them over in the snow.

  He propped himself up on one elbow, bringing the jewellery box up between them.

  “Give me your hand,” he murmured, and she brought her left hand up against his chest. He bit his lip as he opened the box and took out the ring, slipping it onto her finger. He pressed a kiss to the skin right next to it before she leaned up to press her lips to his.

  “I love you so much,” she whispered against his lips. “Love you, love you, love you.”

  She grinned up at him as he lifted his head, before glancing down at her hands that pressed against his chest, admiring her ring. She looked back up at him with a smile.

  “This became a pretty good snowstorm, huh?” she said and he laughed as he nodded.

  He brushed her snow covered hair off of her face as they both glanced up at the snow still coming down around them. He looked back down towards her and leaned down, pressing another soft kiss to her lips.

  “Better than any beach.”

#blindspot #jeller #blindspot fanfic #bshiatusproject #bspromptchallenge #writing: mine

[hrhduchessoflancaster]

Chapter Sixty-Four: New Title, New Life

A/N: Thank you for reading and commenting! It means the world to me :) xx Bea Disclaimer: see Prologue __________________________________________________________________

Their journey back to England was bittersweet to say the least. Harry and Elle begrudgingly left the comfort, bliss and seclusion of their private villa in Italy, their little cocoon away from prying eyes, to return to the busy and thrilling life of British society, now as Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Their first event as newlyweds was the National Thanksgiving in honour of the Queen, at St. Paul’s Cathedral, which was followed by one of the most awaited and watched events of June: Trooping the Colour, celebrating that year, the 90th birthday of their sovereign, Queen Elizabeth.

Leo was there to pick them up from the airport, along with Ronald. Now the senior staff member, he’d control most of Harry and Elle’s engagements together. Their own agendas would be handled separately by their personal secretaries, as would their wardrobe, speeches, letter’s they’d receive, and so forth.

“ Welcome back, Your Royal Highnesses.”, said Ronald smiling. “ I trust you had a good trip?”, he continued, noticing their beaming smiles.

“ We did, and thank you, Ronald.”, replied Harry. Nodding, the secretary guided them to the black Land Rover, while Leo climbed into the driver’s seat, having John and Alfred in the following car, behind them.

Soon, Elle could see the skyline of the city and her heart started thumping. As they reached High Kensington Street, Elle became anxious, for their home was just around the corner. In the two weeks they had spent in Italy, the renovations on apartment 1, next to William and Catherine had continued and hopefully, would soon be over.

She was dying to set foot on her new home. For as cosy as Nottingham Cottage was, she longed for more space to have all of her things with her, specially her enormous collection of books, which Harry had said was more than enough to supply the entire household and residents of the palace. Elle however insisted that she still didn’t have enough of them.

************

Will, Kate, George, Charlotte, Lupo and Sir Lancelot were waiting for them on the courtyard inside Kensington Palace when they arrived. As they emerged from the SUV, Sir Lancelot bolted to their owners and showered them with kisses, much to George and Charlotte’s amusement, who giggled loudly. “ Yes, I’ve missed you too you fluffy ball of fur.”, said Harry, snatching its ears.

The older couple then stepped forward and embraced them. Kate and Elle shared a secret smile while the brothers laughed and whispered to each other, smirking. Rolling their eyes, the royal wives chuckled. “ Come on, let’s get you inside. I want to know everything.”, said Kate grinning.Elle nodded her head and, before going in, she kneeled down and gave both expectant children a kiss on the cheek. Charlotte, now properly walking by herself, demanded to be taken into her new aunt’s arms, and Elle gladly carried the little girl inside, while Harry hold onto George’s hand.

“ So, tell me all about it. Where did you go?”, asked Kate as they entered the spacious living room of apartment 1A. The children where promptly urged to play on the floor at a safe distance from the adults while they talked.

“ We went to Como, in Italy. Harry completely outdid himself.”, said Elle smiling. Harry smirked and received a clap on the back from his older brother.

“ Really? How so, dear sister?”, asked William, a glint of mischief in his eyes.

“ Well, we stayed at this private villa by the banks of Lake Como. It was all very quiet and secluded. No one bothered us or payed any attention to what we were doing. We drove through the beautiful countryside, drank wine, bathed in the glorious mediterranean sun, visited the town’s historical sites of course, ate marvelous food… it was very romantic, very thoughtful.”, said Elle, sighing.

“ Well, I’m impressed, Harry. I didn’t think you had in you to be as romantic as your older brother.”, joked William.

“ It sounds wonderful, Elle.”, commented Kate smiling. “ And when can we expect nieces and nephews?”, William asked smirking. Elle and Harry looked at each other and smiled, Harry caressing her arm.

“ Hopefully, very soon.”, replied Elle.

“ We’re trying but there’s no certainty yet.”, continued Harry. Kate and Will looked a little startled by this confession but smiled nonetheless.

“ I figured you were going to try soon enough. You’ve always wanted to be a dad.”, said William. “ But let me tell you, it is as wonderful as it is tiring.”, he continued chuckling, and Kate did the same nodding her head.

“ You better prepare yourselves. If your future child is as adventurous and boisterous as George, you’ll have your hands full!”, said Kate.

************ After a long and joyful afternoon with the Cambridges, Harry and Elle finally retired to their own home with Sir Lancelot. Their little cottage was a sight for sore eyes for her, and Elle leaped to the front door, ready to step into it. But before she could put her right foot inside, Harry picked her up in one swift motion into his arms.

“ Harry! What in heavens name are you doing?”, she asked amidst giggles.

“ Why, carrying you inside our home, dear wife. Isn’t it the custom?”, stated Harry smiling. Elle giggled once more and together, they entered their home, smiling at the little pieces of decoration here and there that showed their personality traits: from the pictures of Harry and his Walking with the Wounded team to Elle’s books, Nottingham Cottage reflected them as a couple.

New pictures were soon to be added to the wooded shelves as the official photographer, Hugh Burnand was to release their wedding photos. From the ones that would be on display for the public to see and would, eventually, be turned into post cards and so on, to the more private, more sentimental pictures, like the ones they took dancing their first dance together, or the ones of them cutting their cake and being silly with each other.

“ Home sweet home, right Sir Lancelot?”, said Elle, kneeling on the floor to scratch the dog’s ears, who wiggled his tail in delight.

“ I’ll take that as a yes.”, she continued, chuckling. “ Gosh, I’m beat. I think I’ll have a hot shower than sleep until tomorrow.”, said Elle as she walked towards their bedroom, with her husband following closely behind.

“ Can I join you, wife?”, asked Harry mischievously as she passed him through the bathroom door. Elle chuckled and shrugged her shoulders, waiting for his reply. Stripping down, she turned on the faucet and entered the steamy shower, closing her eyes as the water fell into her tired body. Soon, she felt a pair of cold hands sneaking around her waist.

“ Your hands are cold!”, she said out loud, turning to face her smirking husband. Shaking her head, she encircled her arms around his waist and put her head on his chest, as he hugged her; the water now falling on them both.

“ I love you so very much, Harry. I hope you know that.”, she whispered. Picking up her chin with his hand, Harry smiled and looked her deeply in the eyes.

“ Of course I do. I’ve never doubted it. Not once, since we confessed it to each other.”, he replied, caressing her cheek, making her smile.

“ And you, my dearest and most beloved wife, are my whole world. I love you to the end of the universe, time and space.”, he continued, placing a gentle kiss on her wet lips.

************

The following morning was back to work for Harry and Elle. The new Duke and Duchess of Sussex had their hands full with events for the coming months, including a visit to their duchy and their first trip overseas. It wouldn’t be exactly a Royal Tour yet but the couple would be spending a week in the United States for the 2016 Invictus Games in Orlando, Florida. They had less than a fortnight until they crossed the pond to another continent and their office was buzzing with all the preparation for it.

Lisa and Elle had spent a good part of their morning accessing all of the itinerary for their Invictus Games trip, as well as the details for the more imminent events such as the Thanksgiving Service at St. Paul’s Cathedral, Trooping the Color and the Patron’s lunch. Apart from the protocols to be followed and all the pomp and circumstance that now involved Elle, as she stepped into the role of a member of the Royal Family, there were more practical details such as her outfits. From now on, all of her choices would have to be checked and double checked - from the designer, to cut and colour of the dress or suit she’s be wearing. Elle knew this would happen but she hopped for a little more independence in that department.

“ Your style and preferences will be kept, Your Royal Highness. We’ll just have to make a few adjustments, specially regarding the length of your dresses and skirts. It’s per Her Majesty’s suggestion.”, said Lisa, emphatically. Elle sighed but nodded her head, understandably. Well, at least I’ll be able to choose something, she thought.

Later that day, after a long morning with Lisa, discussing all of her own engagements, Elle and Harry sat with Ronald, their chief secretary and the staff, about their joint events. “ As previously announced, the Invictus Games will take place in Orlando, Florida this year and both Her Majesty, the Prince of Wales and Their Royal Highness believe it to be the perfect right-foot forward into their marriage. This will not be a Royal Tour as of yet, but a visit, which will showcase not only the best of our Armed Forces but as well, as Their Royal Highnesses public figures.”, said Ronald to the staff.

“ We will keep it simple, since it’s a week’s length competition. No white-tie nor cerimonial events are planned so there’s no need to concern yourselves with it. We shall begin preparations tomorrow. That’s all”, he finished and the staff was dismissed.

“ He’s right to the point, isn’t he?”, whispered Elle to Harry, making him stifle a chuckle. They shared a smile but quickly recovered themselves when the man in case turned to face the royal couple.

“ I believe that was all for today, Your Royal Highnesses.”, said Ronald, smiling.

“ I believe you’re right, Ronald. Excellent work, as always.”, said Elle, congratulating the man who bowed his head.

“ My pleasure and my goal is to serve you both with the utmost efficiency, ma’am.”, replied Ronald seriously.

“ And you do so marvelously.”, said Harry, trying to contain his laughter. Thinking himself the subject of the highest of praises, Ronald puffed his chest and bowed his head once again, thanking the couple and leaving the room. Once he was out of the door, Harry and Elle laughed their heads off, letting it all out.

“ Thank God we still have Daniel and Lisa as our private secretaries. Otherwise we’d have been doomed to a life of boredom…”, commented Harry and Elle nodded her head agreeing.

“ I hope he losses up a bit. Let’s give him time. He doesn’t quite know us yet.”, said Elle. Walking towards an arm chair, Harry sat and pulled Elle into his lap, caressing her leg, gently.

“ So, what are your plans for this afternoon, dearest wife?”, he asked her.

“ Work, dear husband. Lisa and I still have a few things to work through for the next few events. Then, tea with my parents later on.”, she said and he nodded his head.

“ I haven’t seen them since we came back. You can join me, if you want to.”, she told him and he gave her a gentle smile.

“ Yeah… that will be nice. Do you know if Ed will be there too?”, he asked her.

“ I don't know, but I guess so. Why don’t you text him? You know how my brother can be… always disappearing on us.”, commented Elle.

************

Tea with Elle’s parents and her brother, as it turns out he was indeed at home for the time being, was enjoyable as ever. Victoria inquired about their honeymoon and their future plans; Rupert asked the couple about their work and charities Elle would be taking on and Ed, ever the family clown, pegged them about his future nieces and nephews.

“ You know there’s not a very likely chance I’ll ever get married, mate. Let alone have children.”, said Edward to Harry, making the later chuckle.

“ It’s true! And I’ve made my peace with it. I’m past thirty, single and with no perspective of settling down in the near future. You, on the other hand, has married my wonderful, smart and beautiful baby sister. So you, as my best friend and brother-in-law, must fulfill any parenting desires I might have by giving me little Harrys and Elles to spoil.”, continued Edward.

“ Oh Ed, surely you haven’t given up hope yet?”, said Elle to her brother.

“ I’m not sure I’m cut out to be husband material, dear sister.”, replied Edward.

“ Of course you are. The right woman just hasn’t found you yet. Because God knows you’re terrible at people skills.”, joked Harry. ************

Elle had her first taste of a Royal life on June 11th, as she stepped out of the car and into the steps of St. Paul’s Cathedral for the National Thanksgiving Service in honour of Her Majesty’s 90th birthday. Dressed in a pale yellow dress coat with a matching fascinator and her hair down, she took Harry’s hand, as they were met by flashed and cheers from the public. She gave them a small wave and a smile and ascended the staircase, meeting Charles, Camilla, William and Catherine at the top.

“ Someone’s very popular today.”, commented William, giving Elle a cheeky smile.

“ Oh stop it! You’ll make me even more nervous than I already am!”, she replied and the group chuckled.

“ You’re doing very well so far, my dear.” said Camilla, encouraging.

“ Let’s hope I don’t trip or do something stupid in front of everyone.”, said Elle and Harry shook his head.

“ That’s impossible. My wonderful wife would never do something like that. You’re perfect.”, he said, kissing her cheek lovingly, then locking gaze with her and smiling.

“ Ah… marital bliss.”, said Charles smiling kindly at the couple who kept on gazing into each other’s eyes.

“ Come on love birds, granny is almost ready to make her entrance.”, said William braking their loving stare. Side by side, Harry and Elle walked the length of St. Paul’s cathedral along with other royals for Elle’s first duty as an official member of the British Royal Family.

After the service, a luncheon was conducted at Buckingham Palace for representatives of the Queen’s many charities and patronages, as well as foreign dignitaries and politicians. In a much more relax mood, Elle enjoyed talking to new people and a few familiar faces, such as that of Christopher Simmons, the Prime Minister.

“ It’s good to see you again, Your Royal Highness.”, he said greeting her with a hand shake. “ I believe you remember my wife, Pamela.”, he continued as the women exchanged a smile.

“ I do. How are you both?”, Elle asked politely. “ We’re doing very well, Your Royal Highness. And congratulations once again on your nuptials.”, said Pamela. Elle smiled and thanked the woman. Soon, the trio was engrossed in a lively conversation, branching out many different subjects.

“ And, if you don’t mind me asking, how is marriage life been treating you, ma’am?”, asked the Prime Minister.

“ Incredibly well. Though I must say, I still feel a little weird being called Your Royal Highness all the time.”, she joked and they laughed.

“ I’m very glad to hear it. And I do hope to see great things from you in the near future, ma’am.”, said Mr. Simmons.

“ We all do.”, emphasized Pamela. “ It’s plain to see that you and His Royal Highness have the potential to do so.”, the older woman continued. Great, Elle thought, as if we don’t already have enough on our shoulders to begin with. But hey, no pressure. She gave them a nervous laugh and excused herself in search for Harry. She found him near a corner, glancing at her direction. Sighing, she approached him.

“ Good conversation with our dear Prime Minister?”, he asked her.

“ It was… up until five minutes ago when he and his wife began with all the ‘we expect great things from you and your husband’ talk.”, she said to him. Harry shook his head and sighed.

“ Even though we’re married and got what they wanted, they’ll never let us out of the hook, will they?”, she asked him, rhetorically.

“ I’m afraid not, my love.”, Harry replied and Elle sighed once again. “ Still, as much as we will have to make a few compromises along the way to please the government, this is our life and we’ll live it according to our wishes. Parliament and their rules be dammed if they so much as meddle with a single thing in our lives that outsteps what they ought to.”, said Harry, making Elle chuckle and smile at him.

************

Trooping the Colour was every bit and more what Elle had imagined. Having taking part in the festivities for a few years, she knew the didst of it all, but there was something about riding in a carriage and standing in the balcony at Buckingham Palace, just a few weeks after being there for the first time, that made it all feel surreal to her. Dressed in a soft pink dress coat, Elle stood beside her husband as the flypast went by and the anthem was played. George, who stood closest to her waved at the planes, while baby Charlotte - in her mother’s arms - gave a small wave to the crowds, surely winning everyone’s hearts.

Back at Kensington Palace, still at Nottingham Cottage since the renovations on apartment 1 had yet another two weeks to go before they could finally move into it, Harry and Elle discarded their fancy clothes and put on some track trousers, big light jumpers, trainers and baseball caps; it was past the time they took a walk in the park. Putting Sir Lancelot on his leash, they headed to Kensington Gardens, which was pretty deserted for this time of the year, for some quality time together.

“ You know, I can't remember the last time we’ve been to the park together.”, said Elle. Turning his head to face his wife, Harry sighed and nodded his head.

“ Neither can I. It feels nice to be out here, though, doesn’t it?”, he replied. “ Besides, I think Sir Lancelot is having the time of his life.”, he continued and the pair glanced at the small Jack Russell, who, as if sensing their masters’ gaze on him, wiggled his tail in joy, making the couple laugh and smile. They walked a few kilometers from the palace before deciding on setting the dog, while they sat together on the grass.

The puppy gladly ran through the green field, dashing from side to side, while the pair watched, snuggled together in each other’s arms. From afar, Harry and Elle saw a couple with two children, walking hand in hand, and Elle smiled from the corner of her mouth at the scene. Catching her gesture, Harry took hold of her left hand, gently toying with her engagement ring and wedding band, tracing the edges with his thumb.

“ Just imagine, my love…”, he began. “… in a couple of years, that family will be us.”, and gave her a grin. Elle smiled back and laid her head on his shoulder, with Harry placing his on top of hers, watching Sir Lancelot chase a few pigeons.

“ We should know in a few weeks how soon we’ll… you know… if I am…”, said Elle sighing. Harry lifted his head and they looked at each other. “ Really?”, he asked, almost whispering; a gleam of hope in his eyes. “ Really.”, replied Elle, happy but unsure, giving him a small smile. “ But I’m not getting my hopes up just yet. Remember what Georgiana told me. I don’t want to give you false hope…”, said Elle, squeezing his hand.

“ I know, my love. And, whatever happens, we’ll face together.”, said Harry, smiling from the corner of his mouth.

************

And as Elle had predicted, there was no baby. But they’d keep trying.  

The following week, preparations began at full speed for their first official trip overseas as a married couple: the Invictus Games in Orlando, USA. Their staff had countless meetings with their secretaries and they, with Harry and Elle, to discuss the minute details for their week-long trip to the USA.

Elle was beyond excited to be going to Florida, specially since she’s never been there before. Much to her child-self demise, her parents hadn’t take neither her nor her brother to Disney World; the only place Disney related they’ve ever been to was EuroDisney in Paris.

“ But we will have time to visit, at least two of the parks, right?”, Elle asked for the nth time. Her husband chuckled and nodded his head.

“ Yes, Elle.”, he replied still chuckling. “ We will visit at least three of the many themed parks and yes… Harry Potter World or whatever it is, is included.”, he continued and she rolled her eyes at him.

“ You keep making fun of me only because you’ve already been there.”, she complained, pouting her lips. Harry chuckled once again and moved to her side, kissing her cheek.

“ Come wife, what do you say about some quality time with your dear husband and lovely dinner?, asked Harry, giving her his signature smirk. Shaking her head, Elle smiled and gave him a nod and a quick peck on the lips before joining their hands together and leaving the office towards their little cottage.
 ************

On the week before their trip, Elle had a get together with all her friends at Nottingham Cottage. Rick, Mary and little Rose were there, as were Valerie, Melissa and Trevor. She had prepared a lemon drizzle cake and Eton mess, along with a refreshing lemonade and strawberry juice.

“ Oh my goodness, when did she get so big!”, exclaimed Elle, taking hold of little Rose who was now almost an year old.

“ It’s incredible how fast they grow.”, replied Rick smiling.

“ Rosie is walking now practically walking and starting to babble a few sounds. I can hardly believe it!”, Mary confessed it. As they sat together, with Elle still doting on her goddaughter, they chatted away about work and family but there was no escaping from the ultimate matter.

“ So, how was the honeymoon?”, Valerie asked and everyone’s heads turned to face Elle.

“ Simply wonderful.”, Elle replied with a nostalgic smile. “ We went to Italy, on Lake di Como near Milan and stayed on a private villa for a week. It was… so peaceful… just us two… it was the best of times.”, she continued and Valerie sighed.

“ Sounds incredible. I want a husband to dote on me…”, said Valerie and everyone laughed.

“ But in all seriousness Elle…”, began Melissa. “ How are you? Truly? With all of this new life, new title and all the obligations, the pomp and ceremony that comes with it?”, she asked.

“ Well… it’s been good so far. I’ve adjusted to my role fairly well and I think I’ll progressively take on more things to do as the time goes by. The staff is great, my private secretary is phenomenal and I have Harry’s support in everything. He’s my partner, my friend, my… everything. It’s easy to adjust when everything falls into place.”, Elle replied and another round of awns could be heard.

“ You’re both so perfect together! Don’t tell your brother in law, but I prefer you and Harry as the Royal Power Couple.”, said Trevor and everyone laughed. “ Seriously! You are more down to earth, more relatable to the public… it’s easy to like you. They already love you.”, he continued.

“ I’m just being myself, as is Harry. I think the people see us more easy-going because we are not under the same pressure William and Catherine are. They are the future monarchs not us.”, said Elle and they nodded their heads. It was true. Without the weight of being the direct heir of the state, the weight of being the next king and queen - even if the role is figurative - brought easiness to Elle’s life. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what Kate must go through everyday. Thank God that will never happen to me., thought Elle sighing in relief.

#FATES INTERTWINED #royalfanficcollection #royalfanficcentral #phff #prince harry fanfic #prince harry fanfiction #prince harry

[caterinawrites]

@next-elsa-girl asked me a question from my fanfiction questions post, and the question she asked was: Name a fic you’ve written that you are especially fond of and explain why. So, I don’t really think I’ve written a fic yet that I’m particularly fond of so much, but one scene in particular from a fic that I’m very proud of came from one of my bonus stories for Lady du Coeur where Marinette sees Adrien’s memories, and it’s the stupid scene with his mom and the butterflies. I don’t know why I am so proud of that moment between them, but I thought it was cute in my head and it came out cuter in words and I’m just extremely happy with it. (Posting this from mobile will edit and add scene below) Read the scene below!

(The scene in question. Background: Marinette is seeing Adrien’s childhood memories while being guided by Plagg.)

Read the whole thing on FF or AO3

Read Lady du Coeur on FF or AO3 as well. This particular bit is an alternate perspective to chapter 13. (The original being from Adrien’s perspective seeing Marinette’s memories)

Mrs. Agreste appeared from around the corner, a young Adrien scurrying after her with an innocent gait as they approached the front door. Mari felt her breath catch as she surveyed the beautiful woman in front of her. Adrien took after her, in more ways than one as she’d learned from his father, and the way they both talked about her, Mari knew she must have been a wonderful woman. She glanced down at the small boy, her annoyance for him fading for a split second.

           “Aww,” She cooed, crouching beside him as he beamed up at his mother as she answered the door. He was so cute, following his mom like a little shadow. At least, he was cute until she remembered why she was there in the first place; then he became significantly less cute, and her annoyance resumed.

           “Delivery for Gabriel Agreste,” The man at the door announced. The young boy pictured his father at the mention of his name, and he smiled up at the man as his mother signed the clipboard.

           “Must be those fabrics he ordered,” She commented. “Adrien, let the nice man through, baby.”

           She grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the way gently before directing the man to Gabriel’s office. He stared out the open door for a moment, wondering what it was like out there. His mother often showed him picture books of flowers and animals, but he wanted to see for himself. That’s when he caught sight of a small creature fluttering passed the door.

           “Papillon,” He gasped, holding out his hand and grabbing for it, and as it fluttered away from his clumsy hands he called out, “Wait!”

           He chased it out into the yard, watching anxiously as it fluttered higher and higher away from his reach. He wanted to show his mom, and he was so absorbed with catching it that he didn’t realize how far he’d wandered as he bordered the edge of the yard, nearing the sidewalk and busy street beyond.

           “Adrien!” At his mother’s horrified shriek, he turned around to see her running toward him looking scared. Why? He wondered. He was just looking at a butterfly. “Adrien! You do not leave the house without Mommy! Look how close you are to the road!”

           “I saw a buhfly,” He replied, pointing to the sky where the bug had disappeared.

           “Okay, but you almost got hurt, baby. Come back inside; you can look at butterflies in your books,” She lifted him up and carried him back into the safety of the house.

           “See? Stupid,��� Plagg interjected.

           “He is only two,” Mari rolled her eyes, watching as his mother set him down in the dining room with a book on insects. She watched him sigh and flip through the book for what he deemed the “bazillionth” time while his mother hovered in the doorway with a guilty frown.

           The next morning she shook him awake excitedly, and he sat up sleepily, perking up when he saw his mother’s smiling face. Mari could feel how much the small child loved and trusted her, and it made her heart ache a little.

           “Good morning, bedhead. Did you have a good sleep?” She ruffled his hair lovingly, pulling him into her arms and planting a big kiss on his cheek. “Mommy has a special surprise for you.”

           She rushed him down to the dining room where a small cage was set up in the corner. Adrien stood on his tip toes to peek inside curiously before a short gasp left his lips.

           “Catapillars!”

           “That’s right, and what do caterpillars turn into?” She smiled, taking his hands in hers.

           “Buhflies!”

           “You are so smart,” She gasped, covering his face in kisses, and he squealed in delight. “Our little caterpillars are gonna eat and eat and eat so they can grow into big butterflies just like Adrien. Are you ready for breakfast, my little caterpillar?”

           “Uh huh,” He nodded. “Can I sit by the ca-pillars?”

           “Of course,” She ruffled his hair and pulled two chairs over, and the two sat and ate together with their new friends cheerfully. Adrien never took his eyes off of them, standing in his chair to see into the enclosure and occasionally turning his head just enough to accept bites of food from his mother who watched over him fondly.

           “Good morning, honey,” She greeted after a while as Gabriel slumped in, still caught in his morning trance. As he stooped to kiss his wife, Adrien turned to him excitedly.

           “Mommy got catapillars!” He exclaimed, and Gabriel bent over to peer inside.

           “So she did,” He nodded, pecking his cheek lightly and straightening. “Don’t stand in your chair, son. This isn’t a zoo.” Adrien sat obediently, stretching his neck as far as it would go to watch the tiny creatures inching along their branch, and Mrs. Agreste chuckled.

           “He’s in love with them, I think,” She tucked a stray strand of his hair back into place. “Shall we give them names, Adrien?”

           “Felix!” He pointed to one decidedly.

           “That’s a good name,” She hugged him from behind, resting her chin on his shoulder. “What do you think, Gabey? What should we name our caterpillars?”

           “Jean,” Gabriel offered, taking a sip of his coffee.

           “Well, one has to be a lady so she can take care of her boys, so we’ll name this one Bridgette,” She said and Adrien leaned against his fist, gazing in awe at the three insects on the other side of the net.

           “Can we play with them?” He asked.

           “We have to leave them inside their cage so they can grow up safely. If we take them out now, they might get hurt,” She replied. “Just like Adrien. He needs to stay inside where he’s safe until he grows into a big boy, okay?”

           “Okay,” He answered, too distracted by Felix to pay attention.

           “That’s a good boy,” She smiled, kissing the top of his head.

           “His mom was pretty rad,” Plagg said as days passed by, little Adrien watching his caterpillars grow and turn into cocoons and eventually breaking out into butterflies.

           “Yeah…” Mari nodded as Adrien pulled Mrs. Agreste over to see.

           “Hold very still,” She whispered as Bridgette landed on his finger, and a huge grin spread across his face. “I think she likes you. Do we wanna let them go outside?”

           “Yeah!” Adrien whispered back, eyes fixed on the orange bug in his hands.

           “Okay, but don’t let her go. Be very still,” She instructed, picking him up carefully and carrying him out to the porch.

           “They really loved each other,” Mari remarked sadly as she watched Bridgette flutter around the yard.

           “Disgusting, isn’t it?” Plagg stuck out his tongue. “Let’s look somewhere else.”

#ml fanfic #my writing #i answer things #fanfiction questions

[konekochugirl-blog]

Harry Potter and the Lost Girl Ch5

Chapter Four Chapter Three Chapter Two Chapter One Prologue

Warning: This chapter is a little dark and there is mentioned of something bad happening to Alexa. This version of the chapter doesn’t go into the major details of what happened but enough is mentioned you know what happened. The chapters are the same with the exception of the beginning. Link to alternate version will be posted at the end. I do have my reasons for it, which I will explain in another post as well.

Harry Potter and the Lost Girl Chapter 5 – Broken By: Konekochu

The torture went on for a long time and to Alexa’s horror Karkaroff assulted her that night. She lost consciousness within moments of the hell that was inflicted upon her was finally over. She couldn’t remember being moved to her own room and healed up, sadly the healing was only skin deep. Only visible marks were healed but the pain from them remained as if they were still there.

The next week went by in a blur for Alexa, Karkaroff the use of the curses and the assault took a lot of her. It hasn’t been the first time that he has tortured her with curses and beat her. This was however the first time he has sexually assaulted her. Karkaroff grew nervous as his control over her over the years has been growing weaker and that she was starting to be able to break free of the curse the longer she was under. She usually was under the Imperious curse most of the time with the exception of recent weeks where she had recently mostly broken free. Her mental magical strength had been growing and Karkaroff was starting to worry if the day would come the curse would have little to no effect on her. Making him resort to desperate measures to try and break her. Alexa felt very empty inside and more lost than ever, she didn’t know if she wanted to finally give up or give in.

Alexa continued to go to classes as usual with the exception that she no longer went to meals in the Great Hall and ate on the ship instead. Things were going on around her she could observe and remember, but she couldn’t engage in what was happening around her. She couldn’t speak unless spoken to by a teacher and was forced to ignore everyone else. It was to class then the dorm room in the ship, it had been hell. She felt trapped in her own body and mind, like she was on a ride she couldn’t get off and images of that night just kept repeating in her head over and over. She watched and resisted every waking moment the hold on her and suddenly became clear to her what Professor Moody meant by ‘Enchantments’ on her, he could see the residual effects of the curse. Having broken free of the curse once before she knew she could eventually do it again. Hopefully sooner rather than later. She had wondered if anyone had noticed... then again, she hadn’t been here long only a few days and her only friend Krum had been exceptionally busy with the announcement of the first task approaching.

Alexa was currently sitting in Potions class working attentively on her test covering on the Draught of Peace they had been learning about the past while. It was while she was working on her test that she felt it, a strange sensation of intrusion. Like someone trying to break through and penetrate her mind, which confused her greatly. With great effort she managed to get her eyes to look away from her test to scan the class room not really bring able to focus on anyone making it hard to try and figure out who and what was going on. Alexa’s eyes swept over Professor Snape who was intensely watching her with a focused expression on his face, he looked away as her eyes passed him. Alexa barely noticed and then against her will she went back to her test. She hated this, she being locked in her own mind took the fun out of learning. She knew it was her own fault, her curiosity got the better of her too often.

Memories started flooding her mind some recent some old against her will she knew for sure now that someone was indeed penetrating her mind. She resisted at first but then gave in.

‘Somebody help me...’ Alexa thought as loudly as she could to no one in particular. Hoping, praying that the poking at the corners of her mind she felt was someone trying to help her. Hoping that whoever it was noticed something was wrong and for once was trying to help. She never spoke to anyone about the treatment Karkaroff inflicted on her, she couldn’t, not even to Krum. She could tell he suspected something was wrong but never asked her what was going on. She didn’t know to be thankful or resentful about that.

Images of the night Karkaroff used the Crucio curse on her for at least for an hour off and on, yelling at her before putting her under the Imperious curse. Memories long forgotten from before she started school of her as a young child playing with a really blond boy being minded by a house elf. Images of her by herself in her room at home pouring over her books on potions and spells. Of her at school duelling with classmates and being tutored by Karkaroff. The various beatings and times the Crucio curse had been used. Then a scene from one of her nightmares played in her head of her as a toddler following a dark haired man in black, before being snatched from behind and taken elsewhere. The memories stopped there and whoever was going through her mind pulled away. Alexa was very confused and a little relieved that the events that happened after the imperious curse weren’t seen. She then began wondering if her nightmares were more than nightmares... surely if it was just a night mare it wouldn’t pop up like that? Alexa let her own mind go over it again, she would have gasped if she could have. She recognized the man, she’s met him. Alexa’s heart rate sped up. It was Professor Snape.

Severus Snape was sitting at his desk in the dungeon classroom grading potions as the current class worked on their tests. He turned slightly and looked over the Drumstrang girl sitting at the back of the classroom. He knew something wasn’t right as how she had been acting for the past few days had been completely different from what he observed from the days prior to that. He had his suspicions about the girl, his heart clenched every time he saw her, the resemblance was undeniable. Snape inconspicuously reached out to Alexa’s mind with Legillimens he suspected that someone had her under the Imperious curse. He was correct, with just some minor prodding it was confirmed as he heard Alexa’s cry for help. He saw her memories of the other evening of Karkaroff torturing Alexa and then using the Imperious curse on her to keep her in line. He decided to delve deeper into her memories and he was surprised at what he found. As the memory of him leaving the Potter’s house with Alexa following him and her being snatched played he had to really compose himself and had pulled out right after, he didn’t need to see anymore. He knew the truth now, there was really no denying it.

Snape stared at the students’ potions in front of him. There wasn’t anything he could do now, not in front of the class. He then scowled at a particularly bad potion and marked it a Troll before taking one last glance at Alexa and announcing to the class that time was up and was time to hand in their tests. The students looked up from their tests and to each other a little confused as there was at least ten minutes of class left.

“Class is dismissed!” Professor Snape snapped. One by one the students walked up to the desk and handed in their test and proceeded to gather up their belongings and leave the class room. They were not going to complain about getting to leave his class early. Alexa was the last to approach Professor Snape as the last of the students left the room. Snape was watching her come up to him and place the test on the pile in front of him. As she turned and walked away Snape grabbed her forearm.

Alexa gasped and flinched, it was like something glass shattering and her mind opened back up. She lifted up her hands and looked at them wiggling her fingers, she could move of her own volition again. Snape removed his hand from Alexa’s arm snapping her attention back to him. Snape was already back to focusing on marking the tests on his desk. She looked at him for several moments not saying anything, not knowing what to say. She spent the past few days screaming and crying in her own mind and now she was just blank, empty. She felt so delighted to be free again, freer than she has ever felt before. She had to resist the desire the hug the man for breaking the curse on her. She shifted on spot moving her weight from one foot to the other.

“Are you going to stand there all day gawking at me?” Snape said straightening himself in his chair and looking at her with a blank unreadable expression on his face. Alexa’s mouth fell open and closed a few times starting and failing at trying to say something till finally... “Thank... you, Professor...” came out of Alexa’s mouth. She debated for a moment more on if she was going to ask her about that last memory but then Snape turned at Alexa letting his gaze bore into her. “Do not mention this to anyone, no one can know.” Snape said sternly. Alexa nodded, she felt and understood the double meaning of his words. She wasn’t going to give up on seeking answers by a long shot but knew now wasn’t the time.

“I understand, Professor.” Alexa replied. Turning on her heel and walked quickly over to her desk and gathered her things and walked over the door. As she was walking out the door she looked over at Snape who appeared deep in thought staring down his desk as it was a deadly snake about to strike. Alexa frowned sadly and then left the classroom and processed to the Great Hall for lunch deep in thought.

Snape stared at his desk thinking hard on what his next move should be. As soon as Alexa left the classroom he stood up and walked to the door to close it. He then proceeded to pace back and forth. It has been a long time since he has felt so unsettled. His past was surely coming back to haunt him and it was tormenting. He searched his memories looking back to that night all those years ago trying to figure out how and why he never noticed her following him. Snape blasted some of the desks to pieces as he started berating himself for being careless. Snape walked over and leaned on his desk. He had to be careful in the steps he took. Snape lifted his arms up and looked down at them, then pulling his left sleeve up with his right hand uncovering the Dark Mark hidden beneath. It was getting darker again and he knew what it meant, he knew it was only a matter of time now before the Dark Lord was back and will have to walk a very dangerous thin line. He now had two people he was going to have to secretly protect, which would make his job that much harder.

“At least the girl seems to have a brain between her shoulders.” Snape muttered to himself pulling his sleeve back down. He then made the decision he should at least inform Dumbledore of what he was able to confirm. He then sighed and with a wave of his wand fixed the desks he had broken and left the classroom and headed towards the Headmaster’s office.

Alexa had started off walking normally when she left the classroom at first but with each step her pace picked up until she was in a full on running. She did manage to slow herself down as she approached the Great Hall. She stopped for a moment dread filling her wondering what would happen once Karkaroff saw her. Though, he probably already knew, he more than likely felt his curse break. Alexa took a deep breath and she walked over to the doors and poked her head in looking over at the Slytherin table and to her surprise Krum was sitting there at the far end of the table closet to the door eating and looking over a newspaper. She half expected him to be using every spare moment he had preparing for the first task tomorrow. She started to make her way over to him and then saw that Karkaroff was glaring daggers at her from the teacher’s table. Alexa smiled in open defiance right back at him with all the courage she could muster. You could tell that Karkaroff was having a hard time trying to control his temper and remain composed in front of the other faculty. He suddenly stood up angrily and left the Great Hall using the door behind the teacher’s table. Krum had noticed Kakaroff’s speedy exit then looked over towards Alexa as she approached him.

“Glad to see you are back to normal again, too bad the Highmaster isn’t.” Krum said as Alexa sat down next to him. Alexa took a look around to make sure no one with within earshot, lunch was almost over so there weren’t too many students left in the hall. Alexa made a sour face and started gather some food on her plate and picked at it.

“So, you do notice.” Alexa replied a little more bitterly then she meant and looked at him. Krum looked down in shame. “I am sorry, I was never sure what I should do. Then try to be there for you when you came back around. I wasn’t sure if it was my place to ask what was going on, I should have done more.” Krum admitted solemnly. Alexa sighed still having mixed feelings on Krum’s choices, she was going to try her best not to hold a grudge over it, truth be told she wasn’t sure what she would have done should the situation been reversed.

“I think, I understand... It’s a very difficult and delicate situation... I don’t even know what the right thing is to do anymore. Walking in here like I did, I am shocked at myself for just smirking at him... Why do I keep provoking him? I am starting to think I’m a glutton for punishment. I honestly don’t know how much more I can take.” Alexa blurted out. “I don’t know to be mad or thankful for you for not trying to get answers from me. Given... I don’t know if I even want to talk about it.” Alexa finished burring her face in her hands trying hard to keep herself from crying. Krum tried to put a reassuring hand on her shoulder but she flinched so he took his hand back. “I’m sorry...” Krum sad sadly. Alexa shook her head putting her hand back on the table. “Don’t be, stuff happens.” Alexa replied. Krum looked her straight in the eyes. “I need to get going now to prepare for the first task in a couple days. I will try to be extra awesome to distract the Highmaster, and keep his attentions away from you as much as I can.” Krum said confidently. Alexa smiled just a little, not entirely sure if that were possible but she appreciated the idea nonetheless. “When you are ready to talk, I will listen. I am your friend, I suck at it but I mean well.” Krum gave Alexa a small smile in return. “Thank you and good luck. You don’t really need it though. You’re brilliant after all.” Alexa replied and with a nod and wink from Krum, then he left the great hall. Alexa sighed. She wasn’t entirely sure what she was going to do next the idea of going back to the ship after dinner that night terrified her. Looking over the table she noticed an old newspaper from earlier in the week and pulled it over. Noticing the story about Harry Potter on it, her eyes darted to his table but he wasn’t there and then continued to read it. When she was done she closed it and tossed it away in disgust and rolling her eyes. Hardly any mention of any of the other Champions and the other Hogwarts boy wasn’t even mentioned at all. For the time being she chose to focus on that then everything else, the shallowness of her disgust was easier to deal with for the time being. Afternoon classes were about to start so she got up and headed off to class carefully watching those around her. Everyone was excited about the first task happening soon, Alexa observed that a lot of the Hogwarts students were wearing the Potter Stinks buttons. Alexa thought hard trying to recall if she seen him during the last couple weeks of being cursed but not really. She noted that that Harry and the red headed boy Ron, haven’t been seen together much. She shrugged it off, she had other things to worry about and she couldn’t figure out why she even cared about that anyway. Getting through the afternoon classes while keeping it together was her first priority. Alexa sighed and then continued on her way to her afternoon classes.

Later that evening after dinner in the Great Hall Alexa found herself wondering around the castle, not wanting to go back to the ship. She hated to admit it but she was scared what would face her if she went back onto it now that the curse on her was broken. She didn’t want to face Karkaroff’s wrath again. She wondered the halls for a really long time, she knew she would have to figure out what she was going to do soon as it was getting close to curfew. She eventually made her way up to the seventh floor and was frustrated. She really didn’t know where she was going and just started pacing back and forth up and down the hall trying to calm herself down. Alexa giving up leaned against the wall and slid down sitting on the floor and brought her knees up to her chest wrapping her cloak and arms around them.

“I just want a safe place to sleep that isn’t the ship, I can’t go back to the ship...” Alexa whispered to herself and began to cry quietly as dread filled her thinking she may not have a choice but to go back. Then suddenly she felt movement at her back and jumped up and turned around. A door appeared. Alexa stared at it for a moment and then looked up and down the hall. “Oookay, that wasn’t there a moment ago.” she said surprised. She cautiously walked over to the door and touched it. “So, It’s real, I am not going crazy...” she then slowly opened the door and looked inside and her jaw dropped. Inside was a cozy bedroom there was a large bed with end tables on either side of it, a fire place with a fire going, a comfortable looking armchair facing the fireplace with a small table next to the chair. She walked in and closed the door which locked behind her. She would have felt nervous but the aura in the room made her feel safe, like no one could hurt her here. “Well... looks like my problem has been solved. Thank you magical room.” Alexa walked over to the bed and placed her book bag down on the bedside table and began to take off her clothes. A pair of pyjamas appeared on the bed in front of her. “This room is so awesome.” She said as she picked up and put on the pyjamas. Alexa then used magic to clean her uniform and undergarments so they were okay to wear again the next day and folding them and putting them with her book bag. Alexa climbed up onto the bed and under the covers. She laid down and she couldn’t believe how comfortable the bed was. It wasn’t too long before she fell asleep to the sounds of the crackling fire.

End of Chapter.

END NOTES:Chapter was reposted to give me more more play room for 6 so... basically I fixed a potential plot hole. For right now the other version of this chapter is posted here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13834491/chapters/32284806

#Harry Potter #HarryPotter #harry potter fanfiction #harrypotter fanfiction #fanfiction #severus snape