#david is the only one listed here in my top 5

[bookish-bi-mormon]

You can take the bitch out of Provo but you can't take Provo out of the bitch 😞

#ray's ramblings #spotify wrapped #this makes me look like the most basic mormon lmao #i do listen to lots of other stuff #david is the only one listed here in my top 5 #but I thought this was funny #queerward #queerstake #tumblrstake

[fluentmoviequoter]

Lockdown

Pairing: David "Deacon" Kay x fem!reporter!reader

Summary: While covering a court hearing, you get taken hostage with your favorite S.W.A.T. sergeant.

Warnings: spoilers for S.W.A.T. 4x16 "Lockdown"; angst, fluff!!, reader is flirty

Word Count: 2.8k+ words

A/N: This is one of my top 5 favorite episodes and I'm actually planning another rewrite with one of the others! I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think! (And thank you for telling me how good this episode is, you were 100% right about how good Deacon looked @katamcauley!)

S.W.A.T. Masterlists | Deacon Masterlist | Request Info/Fandom List

Picture from Pinterest

“Here’s your next assignment,” your editor says, laying a paper on your desk. “Civilian is suing the LAPD for damages, and the case is going to court tomorrow.”

“North L.A. County Courthouse?” you ask.

“Yes.” She sighs before adding, “And I already checked. Your favorite distraction isn’t set to testify tomorrow.”

“Boo. Can I have a different assignment?”

You bat your eyelashes as you ask, but she laughs and walks away without answering. Shaking your head, you begin reviewing the facts of the case. Covering court hearings is neither the best nor worst part of your job, but at least you get a break from the office for an hour or two.

✯✯✯✯✯

“So legal affairs confirmed that the defense attorney only needs us as rebuttal witnesses. Should be out of here in no time,” Deacon tells Hondo as they sign in after surrendering their weapons at the courthouse entrance.

“Yeah, okay, Deac,” Hondo answers sarcastically. “When was the last time you got out of court in no time?”

“Today would be the first.”

“Exactly. And it becomes less likely if your friend is working today.”

Deacon rolls his eyes but doesn’t deny it.

“You know, I got to be honest, man, a civilian gets injured in a raid, and the officer who broke down the door admits he was at fault? I’m just not sure how I feel about being called in to testify on behalf of the city,” Hondo states as he walks through the metal detector.

“It’s not anything we haven’t done dozens of times before,” Deacon argues.

“S.W.A.T. was just there for support.”

As Deacon and Hondo near the courtroom door, someone calls, “Sergeants… Tony Jacobs, assistant city attorney. Thanks for coming in early. I know it’s a pain.”

“Eh, it’s not a problem,” Hondo replies, shaking Tony’s hand. “Beats dealing with the morning rush. Hey, listen, you seem to have a good amount of testimony for this case already. Why do you need us?”

“Cut right to the chase, huh? Well, frankly, what this woman is asking for in damages is excessive. Testimony from two S.W.A.T. sergeants could go a long way in the court. Just follow my lead on the stand. We’ll be out of here in a jiff. Our courtroom’s on the third floor.”

✯✯✯✯✯

After finding the courtroom, you sit and sigh in relief. You somehow managed to pick your most uncomfortable pair of shoes today, so you’re glad to sit in the courtroom for a while. Leaning over your notebook and taking a few quick notes, you don’t hear the door open.

Deacon and Hondo enter the courtroom, and Hondo sees you first.

“And he’s gone,” he hums as Deacon notices you.

Someone says your name and the underlying teasing tone alerts you to Sergeant David ‘Deacon’ Kay’s presence behind you. Smiling, you turn to greet him.

“Hello, Sarge,” you say, looking up at him. “You clean up nice.”

Deacon shakes his head before muttering, “So do you.”

“Are you testifying?”

Deacon glances toward the door, where Hondo is talking to the assistant city attorney. “That’s… to be determined.”

“Well, I hope you are because then I don’t have to take very good notes.”

“Why is that?”

“Because,” you whisper, leaning toward him, “it’s a conflict of interest.”

“You’re a journalist,” Deacon says, “I don’t think that applies to you.”

“My editor will beg to differ. If you’re testifying I may spend too long describing your big, brown, puppy dog eyes or how great you look in your suit.”

“Okay,” Deacon interjects, chuckling as he raises his hands. “Easy, Casanova.”

“I can’t help it Sergeant Kay,” you reply, fanning yourself for effect.

Hondo calls him over, and Deacon taps your arm as he says, “See you.”

“Promise?”

He chuckles again as he nods, turning away from you. Looking down, you wish you had chosen a different pair of shoes.

✯✯✯✯✯

“I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was having second thoughts about testifying,” Hondo states. 

“What’s the problem?” Jacobs asks.

“Feels like you’re using S.W.A.T.’s reputation to score points that you can’t get any other way.”

“I’m not asking you to lie, Sergeant.”

“I’m not sure I’m down to be used like that.”

“You’re kidding. You spring this on me right now? You’re a public servant, same as me. We both have obligations to the city.”

“No, we have obligations to the citizens, not the city.”

Jacobs steps away as Deacon approaches.

“You serious about this?” Deacon asks.

“I’m serious, Deacon. I’m just about done with ‘business as usual’ these days.”

Hondo turns to look into the courtroom, but Deacon’s gaze strays to you. You’re the “friend” Hondo referred to, and you and your editor know how you feel about him. If only you could find a way to tell each other.

✯✯✯✯✯

The bailiff walks out of the courtroom, and you turn to watch him exit, your eyes catching Deacon’s as he looks over, too. Deacon and Hondo stand quickly.

“Those are gunshots,” Hondo announces. “Sounds like downstairs.”

Judge Vang presses the alarm on her desk before announcing, “Everyone, stay where you are. This is an active shooter alarm.”

The door closes, and Deacon rushes to it, trying to open it before saying, “It’s locked, won’t budge.”

“Deac,” you call. “The panel on the wall controls the automatic door locks.”

“Your Honor, open that door right now,” Hondo demands.

You walk to Deacon’s side, murmuring, “She can’t do anything to override the lock after pressing the alarm.”

“We have a protocol, Sergeant,” Judge Vang replies. “This is my courtroom. I’m responsible for the lives in it.”

“And we’re responsible for the ones out there!” Hondo says.

Deacon taps your arm, nodding at you before returning his attention to the panel.

Hondo calls Luca, explaining, “Deac and I are locked down in a courtroom on the third floor. Active shooter protocol. The security system’s turned this place in a panic room, and we are stuck without firearms. What’d you find out about the shooters?”

Hondo walks to your side as Deacon pops the control panel open.

“Deac, we got four armed inmates downstairs. Sounds like a barricade situation. Luca, they make any demands?”

“There hasn’t been contact yet,” Luca answers.

Tan reads off their IDs, and you unconsciously lean closer to Deacon.

“We’re flying blind here, Luca,” Hondo says. “Listen, you’re senior man on-site. You are in charge now. The team is in your hands.”

Hondo ends the call, and Deacon continues working on the panel, glancing over at you when you take a deep breath.

The panel beeps as something clicks, and Deacon asks Hondo to try the door.

“You got it, Deac, it’s open,” Hondo whispers.

“Don’t go out there unarmed,” Judge Vange implores.

“We are not doing anybody any good locked in here.”

“I know you’re S.W.A.T. but there’s safety protocols for a reason. It’s best if we all stay put,” Jacobs adds.

“Listen,” Deacon says, stepping away from you. “The two of us are gonna go get the lay of the land. We’ll be back.”

“We will be back,” Hondo promises.

You grab Deacon’s bicep before he can open the door. “Do not get hurt out there,” you demand quietly.

Deacon raises his hand to cover yours where it rests on his arm. “I promise to come back for you. Nothing will happen to me because I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ll knock three times, okay?”

You nod, releasing him and waiting by the door, kicking your shoes off as you impatiently away his return.

✯✯✯✯✯

“Sounds like they’re headed our way, taking hostages,” Hondo says as he and Deacon enter the stairwell.

“They’re desperate,” Deacon adds. “That means they’re dangerous.”

“No one’s safe, we’ve gotta evacuate.”

They enter a hallway as Deacon says, “There’s got to be a fire escape or some way out of here.”

“Deac, check the windows… A building covered in windows and none of them open.”

✯✯✯✯✯

You pace before the door, ignoring the whispers of the other people in the courtroom. Deacon is taking too long, and when he gets back, maybe you should tell him that your flirting isn’t an act, that you really mean it.

✯✯✯✯✯

After the third knock ends, you slowly push the door open, releasing a relieved sigh when Deacon steps inside. He pulls you into a quick hug before announcing, “We’ve got an exit plan. We found a set of windows on the other side of the floor.”

“No way,” Jacobs argues. “We’ll be sitting ducks out there. We’re better off here.”

“Listen to me, all of you,” Hondo calls. “The gunmen are breaking into rooms and taking hostages. They’re gonna be up here very soon. We cannot stay. You’ve got to trust us.”

“No way, I’m not going,” Jacobs replies.

“You’re making a mistake. Come on, let’s go,” Deacon says, ushering people toward the door.

As Deacon leads, you look him over, glad to see he looks exactly the same as when he left. It took getting trapped in a courtroom with him to admit that your obnoxious flirtations are a disguise for how much he truly affects you and how much you care for and adore him.

“I got ya,” Deacon promises as his hand slips into yours, leading you through the empty hallways.

He directs you to the window, bringing up the end of the line. When it’s your turn to jump onto the rescue pad, you stop and push back against Deacon, where his hand rests on your back.

“You aren’t jumping,” you accuse.

“Not yet,” he answers. “We need to help the other hostages.”

“Then I’m not leaving either.”

Deacon looks at Hondo, who only shrugs. He’s not getting in the middle of whatever you and Deacon have going on.

“I know this courthouse better than either of you,” you point out. “I can help.”

“You can stay on one condition,” Deacon answers severely. “Do exactly what I say when I say. If I tell you to run or hide or come back here and jump, you do it.”

You nod, taking Deacon’s hand as you whisper, “I promise.”

“Let’s go then,” Hondo says, pointing back to the window.

“Where are your shoes?” Deacon asks quietly as his hand moves to your lower back.

“I left them in the courtroom,” you answer as if it’s obvious.

✯✯✯✯✯

Running down the stairs behind Deacon, you press your hand to his back as Hondo signals for you to stop. Someone is shooting below you, and you’re glad to be with Deacon.

“We got to go back,” Hondo says.

“Tan’s texting,” Deacon alerts, walking further into an empty room to call him. “We heard gunshots. They firing at you guys?” he asks.

“No, not at us, just the rescue bag,” Luca answers.

Deacon looks over at you, knowing that his only choice now is to keep you close and safe.

“They’re rounding people up in here,” Hondo states. “It looks like all four of these guys are armed now.”

As Deacon and Hondo listen to the deputy explain where the key to the weapon locker is, you trace your eyes over Deacon’s face, letting his very presence keep you calm.

“That’s two floors down,” Hondo muses.

“Won’t be easy with them patrolling,” Deacon agrees.

“We just need time to get our guns, Luca.”

Deacon ends the call, wrapping his arm around you to lead the way.

✯✯✯✯✯

Deacon keeps you between him and Hondo, but after you enter the deputy’s office, he pushes you behind him as he looks through the drawers.

“Hey, that’s our courtroom upstairs,” Deacon points out, looking at the camera monitors. “There’s Jacobs.”

“Deacon,” Hondo breathes out, watching the men take Jacobs. “We should’ve tried harder to get him to come with us.”

“Hey, we didn’t have time. And listen, you deciding not to testify, that wasn’t exactly fair to him.”

“What, that wasn’t fair to Jacobs?” Hondo repeats incredulously. “What about the plaintiff? A city attorney shouldn’t be allowed to take a case and reassign it to bend justice.”

“All right, do some of these guys care more about winning than justice? Yeah,” Deacon admits. “But we got to work within the system.”

“We can’t do that anymore, Deac. What do you think?”

You point to yourself in question, surprised to be pulled into the conversation. Luckily, before you can reply, Deacon finds the key and pulls you into his side as he leads you out.

✯✯✯✯✯

“Door’s busted, they beat us here,” Deacon whispers, an arm extended over your waist as he keeps you against the wall.

“Be careful, they might still be in there,” Hondo warns.

You enter between them, sighing when you see the damage done.

“They have our guns.”

“Tan says Diaz knows we’re here,” Deacon says, looking at his phone.

Adrian Diaz yells, “Harrelson, Kay! We know you fools are down here. If you give up now, we won’t kill you.”

“Deac, give me your phone,” Hondo requests. “Give it to me.”

“Really going to make a call right now, Hondo?” you ask lightly.

Hondo slides the phone into his sock, tugging his pant leg over it. He points at you and then at the ceiling.

“Okay,” Deacon answers, nodding as he pulls you to the desk. 

Deacon stands on the desk, pushing a ceiling tile up and over. Hondo helps you onto the desk, and then Deacon lifts you up into the ceiling, following shortly behind you.

His hand finds yours as you wait in the dark, holding you gently. You listen as Hondo is taken away, and after a moment of silence, Deacon slides the ceiling tile away. He grips the rafter, lowering slowly and silently onto the desk below. Turning, he raises your hands, grabbing your hips and lowering you gently. 

“Are you okay?” he asks, his hands holding you firmly.

Nodding, you let him help you from the desk before following him.

✯✯✯✯✯

Standing beside him, you listen as Deacon calls his team, holding his hand in both of yours.

“Hey, it’s Deacon. Hondo’s been taken,” he reports. “Well, I managed to hide. Hondo gave himself up so we both wouldn’t get caught. We made it to the gun locker, but it was empty. They beat us to it. They were calling for us by name. Not sure how they knew we were here… They took Hondo to courtroom 1, first floor with the other hostages. Listen, I know Diaz set up a deadline. How much time we got? Tell me you guys have a plan… Wait a second, I remember three stairwells…”

You tune him out, preferring to focus on the feeling of him beside you rather than the danger of the situation. Looking down at his hand, you wonder if you’ll get to tell him.

✯✯✯✯✯

“They’re bringing my team in a helicopter,” Deacon whispers, waiting in a stairwell.

“And then what?” you reply.

“Remember your promise.”

You nod, squeezing Deacon’s hand. You trust him, and you will do anything and everything he tells you. Deacon releases your hand kindly, whispering for you to wait as he goes up the stairs.

“We’re good. It’s Deac,” Street whispers.

Deacon gestures for you to join him on the next landing.

“Hey. You all right?” someone asks.

“I’m good,” Deacon answers.

He puts a bulletproof vest over your head before pulling his own on. 

“Stay here.”

“But,” you begin, trailing off when Deacon cups your face in his hands.

“I will come back for you, every time. But I need you to stay here so I know you’re safe.”

You nod, mouthing, “I trust you.”

✯✯✯✯✯

The door bangs open, hitting the wall behind it. You look around the corner slowly, rushing toward Deacon when you see him. He extends his hands, passing you your shoes. Taking them, you immediately drop them as you wrap your arms over Deacon’s shoulders and pull yourself as close as possible to him.

“Thank you for coming back. For keeping me safe,” you say against his neck.

“I’ll always come back for you,” he reminds you, his grip tight around your waist. “Will you let me take you to dinner for your bravery?”

Smiling, you pull back and counter, “Let me make you dinner for saving my life.”

“Good food and good company? Maybe I should save you more often.”

“Or you could just ask me on a date. Everyone else can see that I have a huge crush on you.”

“Let’s see how dinner goes first,” Deacon jokes.

“You’re not very good at this.”

“Then teach me your ways, Casanova,” Deacon replies, leaning forward to catch your lips.

Sighing against him, you’re glad you got this assignment and finally found the courage to admit how you feel about him to yourself. Now you must find a way to tell Deacon how you feel, though you think this kiss is a good start.

#david deacon kay x reader #deacon kay x reader #david kay x reader #david deacon kay #deacon kay #swat cbs #fem!reader

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

03/28/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; David Jenkins; Leslie Jones; Taika Waititi; Vico Ortiz; Samba Schutte; Kristian Nairn; Watch Parties; Trans Day of Visibility: Cool Pirates; Fan spotlight; LoveNotes; DailyDarby/Today's Taika

Hey lovelies! I'm taking your advice and not stressing too much if I can't get the recap out by end of day due to life stuff. So! That means if you don't see one from me, it doesn't mean it's not gonna happen, it means I probably fell asleep and I'll finish it up the next morning :)

=Cast & Crew Sightings =

== David Jenkins ==

Chaos dad popped into to show @bainecessitiesco some love for their amazing affirmation cards we've all seen circulating :) If you haven't seen them yet, feel free to check out Mik's Instagram

== Samba Schutte ==

Samba's been a busy man today! Roaches Rascal's over on the Cameo discord server got another cameo from Samba! This one features some great impressions from Samba, but also a "legend" of how Rhys as Merstede got out of the water with that costume on.

= Cameo =

"How Merstede Got Out of the Water"

Full Cameo

== BTS ==

On top of his cameos, Samba gave us yet another pile of BTS Videos! This time shouting out the background and stand in actors! As usual, Tumblr only allows me to upload 1 video per post, so here's the videos on various tumblr posts below:

Video 1 - Spanish Jackie's

Video 2 - "How you hanging there?" feat Alex Sherman

Video 3 - Spanish Jackie's 2 - "Hey How you doin?"

Video 4 - Con O'Neill and His Middle Finger

Video 5 - Cursed Ship Background Actors

Video 6 - Republic of Pirates In The Evening

Video 7 - Goldie The Cow

Video 8 - Hot and Bothered Practice

Video 9 - Truck Full of Actors

Video 10 - The Red Flag Crew == Leslie Jones ==

Leslie's back at The Daily Show rocking it!

== Taika Waititi ==

New video on Rita's IG, see it here on tumblr on @fuckyeahworldoftaika's post

== Vico Ortiz ==

There's another episode of Date My Abuelita, First! Season 2, Episode 5 is out!

Source: Date My Abuelita, First Instagram / Website

== Kristian Nairn ==

Kristian Nairn is joining the list of the crew going to the San Jose Galaxy Con August 16-18, 2024! For tickets and info visit: Galaxy Con Tickets

= Dominic Burgess =

Jeffery Fettering is poking his head out again!! Can Dominic get any cooler, truly? Thank you JessieB for giving Dominic the inspiration to hit the high seas! Source: @edteachseawitch's Twitter

= Event Calendar =

For Friday It's #PhoneInFriday in the UK!

== Watch Parties ==

=== Boy ===

Sunday 31st, @tillychmo and @regg_official on Twitter will be hosing a 'Boy' Watch Party

Hashtags: #OurBoyMeansEgg

2 pm GMT

10 am EDT

7 am PDT

== Cool Pirates ==

First #CoolPirates for the celebration was Vico Ortiz! Feel free to visit the @saveofmdcrewmates tumblr to see the new ones each day!

== Fan Spotlight ==

Tonight's cast card is Mama Teach! Thank you @melvisik for giving our lovely Simone Kessell some love!

== Dead But Delicious ==

If you're near Alameda CA, there wil lbe a WWDITS Themed Variety Show going on at the Alameda Comedy Club on June 20th! 8 PM! Feel free to check them out! Learn more on their IG!

== Kudoboards Reminder! =

REMINDER! KUDOBOARDS close on the 31st. 

Go send the cast and crew some love folks!

David Jenkins

Nathan Foad

Con O'Neill

Ruibo Qian

Leslie F*cking Jones!

Matthew Maher

Vico Ortiz

Samson Kayo

Alex "Ass Tonight" Sherman!

David Fane

Gypsy Taylor

Kristian "Wee John Wondays" Nairn!

Samba "BTS and Baking King" Schutte!

Fellow OFMD Fan Crew!

== Love Notes ==

Hey Lovelies! This is a bit of a silly love note today because I'm behind on everything, but I just wanted to give you some silly permissions (I dont have any real authority to give permission but this is a reminding you YOU have the authority!) to go out and do something out of the norm today.

I decided that I was going to have some ice cream after breakfast today. Why? Idk cause this weeks been crazy and ice cream sounded good.

Give yourself a treat today, whatever that happens to be for you-- going for a walk, eating ice cream, going to see that movie you have been holding off doing. Do something that makes you smile, you deserve it!

== Daily Darby / Today's Taika ==

I think some of these may be repeats but they make me smile every time I see them so tonight's dance time!

Darby courtesy of @thunderwingdoomslayer

Taika courtesy of @celluloidbroomcloset

#ofmd daily recap #ofmd daily recaps #daily ofmd recap #daily ofmd recaps #ofmd #our flag means death #vico ortiz #rhys darby #taika waititi #leslie fucking jones #ofmd bts #samba schutte #cameos #cameo #dominic burgess #david jenkins #save ofmd #long live ofmd

[agentnico]

Top 10 WORST Movies of 2023

For every good movie there’s always a dozen stinkers, and 2023 brought out a lot of turkeys, and I’m not referring to all the poor birds that ended up in our bellies this Christmas season. It’s become a tradition for me every year to do a top 10 best and worst movies of the year list, and I tend to leave the top 10 best list till later as I catch up will the awards potentials, however with the bad list I get right on into it. There are of course many bad movies this year I didn’t see, as I don’t actively seek out to watch the bad ones, but I have heard that these following haven’t been the best: Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, The Marvels, Indiana Jones 5, Shazam: Fury of the Gods, Expend4bles, Children of the Corn, Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey…… damn, a lot of films got a bad rep this year. Yet I have 10 other ones that I’ve seen that I thought were crap. Don’t worry if a film you loved ends up on this list, it will simply mean your opinion is wrong and your have to live with that. With that in mind, here’s my humble list of the shit-fest Hollywood had to offer in 2023…

10) ANT-MAN & THE WASP: QUANTUMANIA - Everything that is wrong with the current state of Marvel is exhibited on full display here. Lacking a sense of direction and exploiting the idea of the multiverse just for the sake of it, the movie is a dud. It feels like whilst trying to focus on going bigger and bolder, the movie lost the sense of fun that elevated the earlier instalments in the tiny hero’s franchise. Paul Rudd is still as charming and likeable as ever, however the introduction of Kang as the next MCU Big Bad is pointless seeing as this big baddie can be defeated by a bunch of ants. Don’t make no difference now anyway with Jonathan Majors losing the court case, but who in the first place thought “oh yeah, Kang is a badass who killed many Avengers, but a giant head of Corey Stoll should weaken him no problem”. Look, there’s no sugarcoating it - this movie is bad. Also, Bill Murray appears in this because…?

9) THE BEANIE BUBBLE - Zack Galifianakis without any facial hair is truly a sight to behold, but that’s not enough to make this fluffy yet bland behind-the-scenes look at the famous Beanie Babies toys even remotely interesting. It’s as if this film can’t bear (thank you) to show the creepier side of these toys, as this should have been a more darker and messed up tale, especially with the lightly implied institutional sexism. Oh well, that’s that then.

8) WE HAVE A GHOST - If ever there was a movie that fit more to the phrase “Netflix & Chill” then this is it, as you will be too busy banging your partner or your sock than caring about a silent speechless David Harbour creeping about Casper-like and being all quiet and mysterious. To be fair he’s the only redeemable quality as the rest of the movie is a mishmash hodgepodge of genres that is neither funny, nor effective in its family drama dynamic. At least seeing Jennifer Coolidge jump out a window was mildly amusing. Mildly. Anyway, where’s that sock?

7) THE OLD WAY - It is truly fascinating that after starring in over 100 films, this is Nicolas Cage’s first ever western. Aside from that mind boggling revelation, this movie comes out with less than a bang. I don’t know, I was hoping for something a bit more mad, especially with Cage’s involvement. Heck, in the movie’s opening sequence Nicolas Cage is introduced with a sprawling Poirot-like moustache, and immediately I assumed that I am in for something ridiculous. However following that scene the movie cuts to 20 years later, and with that both the moustache and the hope for something exciting or weird is diminished to singular unseen atoms.

6) FOOL’S PARADISE - The directorial debut from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia star Charlie Day (who also writes and stars), misfiring Hollywood satire Fool’s Paradise wastes a strong ensemble cast that also includes Adrien Brody, Jason Sudeikis, Jason Bateman, Kate Beckinsale, Ken Jeong, Common, John Malkovich and the late Ray Liotta. Look, in a way I feel bad about including this film on this list, as you can tell this is a true passion project for Day and one that has good intentions by attempting to go back to the old-school slapstick Charlie Chaplin-era of comedy, with a lighthearted satire on the way the film industry works. In this case the result is neither sweet nor funny enough, and as such it’s an unfortunate misfire, but easily the most disappointing inclusion on this list.

5) GHOSTED - Adrien Brody’s crappy French accent in this movie I could have forgiven, if only I have not seen John Wick: Chapter 4 a couple of weeks prior where I experienced the most delightful Parisian mouthing of Bill Skarsgard’s villain, so now Brody’s French-ish slur sticks out like a sore thumb. What else sticks out is that Ghosted feels like a film from the early 2000s, featuring every cliche of the genre and with a romantic pairing of Chris Evans and Ana de Armas whom share zero chemistry. Their kissing scenes reminded me of that Andrew Garfield/Emma Stone SNL sketch where they don’t know how to kiss on camera, only in this case it’s unintentional. Also featuring a slew of pointless cameos, and I do mean pointless, this is a throwaway campy spy-action flick that is destined to be forgotten.

4) THE EXORCIST: BELIEVER - Billed as the true sequel to William Friedkin’s original horror masterpiece, it really shouldn’t have strived for that. Ellen Burstyn’s return is a waste. For those excited to see her, she’s only in 3 or 4 scenes total, and the creative choices made with her character are such a disservice to the original movie. Without spoiling, it’s a choice that seems to be inspired by the modern woke culture, with Burstyn’s Chris having being studying the art of exorcism ever since the events that transpired with her daughter, and then when questioned about why she herself did not partake in her daughter’s exorcism she blames the patriarchy. The choice of bringing her into this narrative and then what happens to her…it’s basically taking a classic character and making them dumb. I must say though that the only actual shocking moment in the movie comes in a scene involving her character, and though that moment itself is memorable, the build up towards it is so stupid. Also, with the return of Burstyn it comes as no surprise within the movie when a certain other character pops in for a cameo. Does it add anything to the movie’s story? No, it’s just there for cheap fan service. As for the movie itself, the horror hardly works. It’s not scary at all and you really shouldn’t believe in this one.

3) THE SUPER MARIO BROS. MOVIE - Yeah, I know, my inclusion of this film on the list will rattle some feathers, but I don’t care, as for any of you pricks out there thinking that stupid “Peaches” song deserves an Academy Award nomination, you guys are stupid and must be high on some very powerful shrooms. If so, I hope you’re having a great trip, but the fact stands that this movie is bad. Simply doing fan service for the sake of fan service don’t make for a good narrative. Me and my friend were bored throughout, as this movie is 100% for kids. There are nostalgic elements to it all, but I do believe that Illumination and Nintendo should have followed more in The Lego Movie’s footsteps and targeted the film for audiences of all ages, due to the fact that many who grew up with Mario are now adults themselves.

2) LEAVE THE WORLD BEHIND - So much wasted potential. A long drawn-out slow shuffle to Nowheresville. A movie that offers so many ideas, plot points, and thread lines that are never answered or go anywhere. In Leave the World Behind things are truly happening under the motto “just because” and “why the hell not” and it makes the viewing experience immensely frustrating. Especially when the movie is nearly 2 and a half hours long and the anticlimactic abrupt ending is a slap to your face for wasting your time. Oh, and if I weren’t a fan of the Friends show before, now more so than ever.

1) 65 - Right ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to ask you all so kindly to rise up from your seats and give a humongous round of applause to 65 - the 2023 film to exhibit qualities of a top contender of the worst movie of this year. Look, I’m disappointed as you are. Adam Driver fighting dino-dinos’?! You’d be a madman to not want to see that! However here’s 65′s first mistake: there actually aren’t that many dinosaurs, let alone fights with them. I know right, I can sense the resounding aura of you, my kind audience, in unison thinking “what the f***?”. Exactly, what the fudge indeed. No, instead what we get is a couple of somewhat thrilling dinosaurs interactions, but overall the movie is just Adam Driver and this little girl walking. Just walking. Walking and whistling. Bunch of jackasses.

That’s it - we did it! Now I can happily forget I ever watched any of these and mentally prepare for what wonders of stupidity 2024 will bring to the big screen. As for my Best Movies of 2023 list, don’t worry, it’s a-coming. Still need to watch The Boy and the Heron and Poor Things and then all will be revealed…

#2023 #2023 in film #2023 films #movie #film #movie reviews #film reviews #2023 movies #cinema #65 #leave the world behind #the super mario bros movie #we have a ghost #the exorcist believer #ghosted #fool’s paradise #the old way #ant man and the wasp: quantumania #the beanie bubble #bad movies #top 10 worst movies of 2023 #65 movie

[ericdeggans]

My Best TV of 2022: A (Unexpectedly) Long List

This is not a problem I expected to have, early in 2022.

Back then, the quality of TV shows was so disappointing, I considered writing one of those cranky, old-school critic’s columns complaining about how the glut of shows in our modern, streaming-fueled media environment was ruining everything.

I should have just waited around a bit. Because, even though I was mightily disappointed by some of the biggest TV projects on the docket – everything from CNN+ to Lords of the Rings: Rings of Power (the repetition in the title should have been warning enough) – lots more TV shows surprised and delighted me this year. Too many to fit on a top ten or top 12 list.

In fact, there were too many to fit on this excellent roundup prepared by me and five other critics at NPR.org (we each got about eight choices). And I will fess up now – I didn’t vibe with FX’s Reservations Dogs in its first season, so I didn’t keep up with the second and it’s not on my list. Many apologies to devoted fans of a show I’m very glad exists and so many love. But I’m not among you devotees (at least not yet).

Here's my list of fave shows from 2022, in no particular order. It’s by design very subjective, so I welcome debate, but it’s about what touched ME on TV this year:

Andor (Disney+) – Started slow, but turned into a masterful reinvention of the Star Wars universe, focused on the gritty, merciless beginnings of the Rebel Alliance. Who knew a Star Wars show with no lightsabers, no Jedi Knights and no Force could be just what the franchise needed? REVIEW

Atlanta (FX/Hulu) – The last two seasons, both released this year, weren’t nearly as impactful as its first two. But this show remains an excellent showcase for creativity and ambitious storytelling in portraying the lives of a quartet of Black millennials.

Here’s a Q&A I moderated w/Atlanta cast and producers at SXSW

Better Call Saul (AMC) – This Breaking Bad spinoff stuck the landing in series finale that capped both the origin AND ending stories of criminal lawyer Saul Goodman. REVIEW

Abbott Elementary (ABC) – Sidesplitting mockumentary-style comedy about teaching in a Philadelphia school that is so good, because it’s absurd humor is so close to the actual truth. PROFILE of star Quinta Brunson.

The Patient (Hulu) – Steve Carrell delivers his most impressive dramatic role as a therapist interrogating his own messy personal history while kidnapped and forced to help a serial killer. REVIEW.

The U.S. and the Holocaust (PBS) -- Star documentarian Ken Burns reveals how antisemitism in America busted the myth that the U.S. was always on the side of the angels as Adolf Hitler took power in Germany and began implementing his Final Solution.

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (Paramount+) – Focused on the Starship Enterprise 10 years before James T. Kirk would take command, it’s a welcome return to a rollicking, adventure-a-week series that recalls the spirit of the original Trek series better than any other modern reboot/revival. REVIEW

Severance (Apple TV+) - for review, click here

Only Murders in the Building (Hulu) - REVIEW

Euphoria (HBO) - for review, click here 

A League of Their Own (Prime Video) -REVIEW

This is Us (NBC) - interview w/creator Dan Fogelman here

Sidney (Apple TV +) - REVIEW here

Under the Banner of Heaven (FX/Hulu) - for review, click here

We Own This City (HBO) - for interview w/EP David Simon, click here

Barry, season three (HBO) - for review, click here

Stranger Things (Netflix) - REVIEW

We Need to Talk About Cosby (Showtime) - PCHH discussion here

Harley Quinn (HBO Max) - 

The Sandman (Netflix)

As We See It (Prime Video) - REVIEW

The Good Fight (Paramount+)

The Dropout (Hulu) - 

The Crown (Netflix) - DISCUSSION here

The Handmaid’s Tale, season 5 (Hulu)

Ozark, season 4 (Netflix) - REVIEW here

Ms. Marvel (Disney+)

[rgr-pop]

My goal for the year was to watch & log 100 movies. Shorts count, didn't matter whether I had seen them before, but they can only count once for the year. I logged 117!

First & last watched: Ken Russell's Women in Love (1969)--the reason I cared about movies so much this year, just an obvious life-changer for me--and Ken Russell's The Rainbow (1989)--Westlin's suggestion for the perfect round out. Surprised to be surprised by how good it was. Great films! Totally on the program! Questions to this day unanswered! Let's go!

Shorts (everything short of Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story) watched: 16

Favorite shorts: Nuit et Brouillard (Alain Resnais, 1956) (decided this year one of my all-time favorite films); Un Chant d'Amour (Jean Genet, 1950); Fireworks (Kenneth Anger, 1947)

Next year my shorts watching will be more programmatic

Films I watched twice in 2023: Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story (Todd Haynes, 1987) (another film I realized this year obviously belongs in my top ten--more specifically I decided finally that this is my favorite non-Texas Chain Saw film); Beau is Afraid (Ari Aster, 2023); The Nightmare Before Christmas (Henry Selick, 1993)

By decade: Before 1900: 0 1900 - 1910: 1 1910 - 1919: 1 1920 - 1929: 1 bro come ON what the FUCK 1930 - 1939: 1 im literally evil 1940 - 1949: 7 1950 - 1959: 3 1960 - 1969: 24 1970 - 1979: 14 1980 - 1989: 16 1990 - 1999: 17 2000 - 2009: 13 2010 - 2019: 9 2020 - 2023: 10

By nation/language roughly: uk/english: 6 us/english: 66 canada/english: 6 france/french: 10 italy/italian: 4 italy/france/french: 1 italy/english: 1 czechoslovakia/czech: 5 palestine/arabic: 3 soviet/russian: 2 russia/russian: 1 austria/german: 1 austria/french: 1 spain/spanish: 1 japan/japanese: 1 poland/yiddish: 1 poland/polish: 1 senegal/wolof: 1 brazil/portuguese: 1 sweden/swedish: 1 eur/farsi: 1 south africa/afrikaans: 1

numbers not adding up there but w/e

By director: Not sure if this is surprising or totally unsurprising, but in spite of my auteurial talk (and all the thematic/completionist plans I like to make), I very rarely watched more than two movies by the same director. I can't decide how I feel about this, nor do I know how to proceed this year given that my goal is to discover who my top five directors might actually be. How do you go about investigating that?

Overwhelmingly the director I watched the most was Adrian Lyne, with five films. I have a few more things to work on but I'm close to done with my shakedown/theory. Neither my favorite director nor favorite guy, I would say I probably 'enjoy' and 'personally get more out of watching' his films more than most. In second place, I watched three Kenneth Anger films--all shorts of course. I watched two films each by the following directors: Ken Russell, David Cronenberg, Stanley Kubrick, Pier Paolo Pasolini, Paul Schrader, Bernardo Bertolucci, Ti West, Todd Haynes, Michael Haneke, Jan Švankmajer (both shorts), and Billy Wilder (one of which being a war department documentary short).

I have mixed feelings about this approach (let me watch man movies if i I want to!) but a quick skim suggests I watched about 15 films directed by women (12%)--lower than expected and probably low for me typically. I always have a romance habit on the backburner so it's never hard for me to watch a lot of movies by women, but obviously my focus on revered directors I never previously wanted to spend time on has had an impact here, meaning I should make an effort with Great women directors in 2024 to keep that in check. I will also say that I specifically recall having a hard time getting my hands on things I wanted to watch by women in a few different cases, including by Great women directors (Barbara Hammer and Akerman), and especially also soviet women directors. There's an overlap here with difficulty accessing short films!

I'm not an active or thoughtful starrer, but these are the films I watched in 2023 that I've given five stars to:

Women in Love (Ken Russell, 1969) (upgraded from four after the year of appreciating it) Mandabi (Ousmane Sembène, 1968) Crash (David Cronenberg, 1996) Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story (Todd Haynes, 1987) The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (Tobe Hooper, 1974) Night and Fog (Alain Resnais, 1956) Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom (Pier Paolo Pasolini, 1975) (demoted Teorema [1968] to four stars to prevent Salo is A Perfect Film deflation) Un Chant d'Amour (Jean Genet, 1950)

Least favorite films watched in 2023: Jojo Rabbit (Taika Waititi, 2019), Barbie (Greta Gerwig, 2023), All My Good Countrymen (Vojtěch Jasný, 1968), Zahrada (Jan Švankmajer, 1968), the one streaming true crime doc I watched that I then had to log (will not repeat in 2024)

Loved/treats for me: Barry Lyndon, Crossing Delancey, Unfaithful, The Cremator, The Night Porter, Cabaret, talking to people about Funny Games and realizing I love it more than I think I do

Recommended for the romance girls as a thank you for the good romance you have recommended me: Habibi (Susan Youssef, 2011)

Most incredible movie experience of the year by miles and I can only hope 2024 has something this good to offer: House of 1000 Corpses (Rob Zombie, 2003) anniversary screening my birthweek

The otherwise defining film of 2023 for me: Hostel (Eli Roth, 2005)

Onward! Back to work! On the Terror and Violence line! The Family is out there, comfortable, in relative peace…

#film #violence factory

[tbgblr2]

The Military Spouse’s Predicament

Author's note:

This story is based on an ask I had from @kikilala14

---

Claire stretched and sighed, her hand resting on top of her bump.   She could finally see progress in the pile of clothes she was unpacking and folding – the list of tasks after moving house seemed to be never ending.

Looking over to the big pile of unopened boxes she let out a despondent groan.  She knew what she was getting into being a military spouse, but moving half way across the country to a whole new area, her husband deploying the day after they arrived for who knows how long… and her children impatient for a bit of normality after yet another major upheaval in their lives was all wearing on her nerves.

Claire married her squaddie husband, Tom, 5 years back and over the course of those 5 years, each of her children has essentially been born in a different city.    She had an older child, Josie, who she had as a result of a teenage fling before she met Tom, who though she was entering her teenage years herself, had proven to be invaluable in helping Claire manage the younger children she shared with her husband, all boys.

James was her eldest boy, 4 years old and needing to be enrolled in the nursery at the military base where the family lived.

David – or Davey as the family called him – was 2 years old and a typical rambunctious toddler.

Peter, or Petey was the youngest – due to turn 1 year old in around about a months time.

Carried within Claire’s womb was her second daughter, a result of an unfortunate accident when Tom was back home, and now, as Claire was approaching the final weeks of her pregnancy, she was well aware that technically her 2 youngest children would be ‘Irish twins’ both born less than a year apart.   Claire and Tom still hadn’t settled on a name for the new addition, and of course, Claire was fretting that time was getting short.  

Both Tom and Claire were preparing for the birth to happen whilst Tom was deployed, meaning he couldn’t be in attendance.   What Claire wasn’t expecting was the oncoming tightening around her belly as she was folding clothes, a panic setting in as she realised that things were starting – after having 4 children previously she knew the tell-tale signs of real labour vs Braxton hicks practice contractions.

“Shit…” she muttered under her breath, looking around the house.   Her life was still in boxes – she had only moved in a week ago.  She hadn’t registered with the base medical personnel – truth be told she didn’t even know where it was at this point.

“Mammy made a swear” came a sing-song voice from behind her.   She hadn’t realised that James had snuck up behind her.   Claire turned around and told him that his mummy was very naughty and she shouldn’t have said that, that he wasn’t to repeat it. 

“I pwomise” he replied.  “Can I have my Legos?”

Claire hefted herself up off the ground, her hand finding her bump and rubbing.   She knew that things were progressing, and she had to consider that with no one to look after the children, she might have to have them here when she gave birth – perhaps sooner than she had planned.   She picked up her phone and dropped a text to Josie, asking her to come home.   She didn’t want to make her panic or anything, so left the reason why off the message.

Claire found the box with the Lego pieces in them, awkwardly placed at the bottom of a pile of other boxes.  

“James darling – the Legos are all the way down at the bottom of the pile, can you play with something else until we get to them whilst we unpack?” she asked.

“No!” James stamped his feet, and folded his arms, the first signs of a tantrum in the process of forming.  “I haven’t been able to play with them for ages now and I was almost finished building something.”  He referred of course to needing to pack them up and box them away for the move.

Claire sighed, feeling another contraction coming on.  She knew she likely had hours to wait until things really picked up, but there was so much to do to get prepared, she was worried she might not get everything done she needed to.

She reluctantly started lifting off boxes from the top of the pile, stretching to pick them up and place them down somewhat neatly elsewhere.

She picked up a second box, and James reached up to her hands, grabbing the box from her, announcing that he’ll help.

“No! don’t!” she snapped, already too late as James yanked the box from her hands, not realising that it was heavy.   The box dropped down with a crash, cups and dinner plates shattering into pieces, thankfully all contained within the box.

James burst out into fits of crying, the loud bang and shouting shocking him, Claire once more swearing out loud at the accident.   She brought her crying son into her with a hug and shushed him, telling him that it was an accident and it wasn’t his fault – all the while mentally berating him for not waiting for her to finish.

The commotion brought Davey into the room – he had been watching TV in a different room.   He broke into a grin, pointing at Claire.

“Mammy oopsie” he announced.   Claire stood up and realised there was a wetness between her legs and a dark stain on her trousers.   Claire turned red with embarrassment.   In all the stretching and lifting she was unsure if she had simply wet herself, the baby within her and her bladder both having had run ins before… or if it was something more dangerous – if her waters had broken.

Claire laughed it off.  “Yes, mammy was naughty and didn’t go to the toilet when she needed to – you need to make sure you do it like I told you to when you need to go if you want to be good!”

“Yes mammy” the two children recited, but soon James’s attention was brought to the box of Lego which he had originally wanted, which was now accessible.   Davey’s attention was also drawn to the box, but Claire was aware that the small parts might be a choking hazard for him, so she picked him up – the heaving up of the child up onto her hip resting against her bump causing another streak of pain – and brought him into the other room where his larger, Duplo blocks were already unpacked and piled in the corner.   She told Davey that he couldn’t play with the little blocks for now until he was older, so he had to promise that he would sit there whilst she went and got changed.   He nodded and promised.  

Claire scurried off into the bedroom and unpacked another change of clothes.  Changing her underwear, she swapped into a pair of absorbent underwear, unsure at the moment if she was having a slow leak or if it was just an accident.  She chose a loose fitting top – though with her bump being so prominent it still hugged at the outermost point, and a pair of yoga pants which would be tight enough to keep the underwear in place – and most importantly, were black in case of another accident.

She huffed out her breath as another contraction struck her – much more pronounced than any that occurred previously, the weight in her hips much more noticeable all of a sudden.   She took a moment to rub at its side, feeling the baby within wriggling and fussing around, certain that the baby’s previously snug living space closing in around it wasn’t exactly the nicest feeling in the world.

A cry sounded from the cot in the side of the room.  Petey had woken from his nap.   She picked up the baby and realised that he needed changing.   Groaning at the pain of another contraction ramping up – had it only been a few minutes? – she put the changing mat out on the bed, laid the baby on top of it, and started undressing him.   Bundling up his dirty nappy, and swapping it for a new one, she got him wrapped up in a new set of clothes.   The contraction caused Claire to pause momentarily, catching her breath.   She knew that things were progressing much faster than she had hoped and time was running out.

Where the hell was Josie? She looked at her phone – no reply to the message.   She sent another message, telling her to get back now, expressing the urgency.   5 minutes and if there was no reply, she would ring.

She carried the baby into the other room to check on the other 2 children, and thankfully both were playing with their toys.

She tried to set down Petey with his walker – one that played all sorts of music and had lights and spinney things which usually kept him entertained for a bit, but he just turned back towards his mother and raised his hands to be picked up.  He was clearly having none of the toys and wanted cuddles.  Claire held him up high – not wanting to sit down and wanted to be on her feet herself, the aches and pains becoming more noticeable as each contraction did its work in softening and opening her cervix.   Peter’s needs soon becoming apparent as he fumbled at Claire’s top wanting her breast for feeding.

A chill shot through Claire.   She knew that breast stimulation would speed up the labour she was desperately trying to slow down right now, but she had no other pre-pumped milk available for her son, so reluctantly she opened her top, pulled down the straps of her nursing bra and Peter latched on as he had done countless times before.

She found her way to a chair in the kitchen and managed to position Peter in such a way that he could rest on top of the bump and still be cradled whilst he sucked.   Claire gritted her teeth as the effect took hold, her the stimulation of her nipple causing the next contraction to start almost immediately.

She heard a buzz in the other room, and realised in her confusion she had walked out of the bedroom and left her phone on the bed.   Baby brain at its finest.   She hoped it was Josie saying that she was coming back home, and thought to herself she would check as soon as she could stand back up again.

Petey seemed to take ages to feed, the one time that Claire was hoping he would get his fill and be done.   Almost 10 minutes had passed before he had finally stopped suckling, and all through that time, Claire was in constant pain.   She resorted to vocalising, releasing her pain as moans and groans from her voice, though she bit down on a chunk of her sleeve to try and muffle the sound and not startle her other children.

Thankfully Peter finally got his fill and rolled off Claire’s lap, climbing down her leg.   He clambered on his hands and knees over to the walker he was originally offered where he occupied himself pressing buttons and making noise.

Claire shoved herself up off the kitchen seat and got up unsteadily onto her feet, immediately noticing the feeling of fullness between her legs was getting worse.   She waddled back to the bedroom, desperate to see the phone, her walk noticeably bow-legged compared to normal.

The message from her daughter was not what she wanted to see.  “You agreed I could be back by 9.  I’m at the youth club trying to make friends after you and dad dragged me away from my other ones… AGAIN”

She immediately rang on the phone.   Josie picked up after only a few rings.

“What!”

“I need you back home.”

“I’m Busy!”

“Please, just come home.”

“No!”

“Josie, if I have to tell you again, I will ground you for a year, get your ass back home!” Claire was screaming at this point, the pain of her contractions getting to her.

Josie obviously noticed something was wrong, but wasn’t sure what – her rebellious teenage hormones kicking in and she practically screamed down the phone herself “Fine! I’ll come back, but you’re being so unfair!”

She hung up the phone abruptly, Claire hoping that she would be good to her word and would head straight home.

Claire’s labour was progressing much faster than she thought, to the point now where her contractions were very noticeable, and she had to grab hold of the wall or some other convenient place and pant through them at this point.   She had to get somewhere set up where she could actually give birth.

She popped her head back in to check on her other children, and all were either playing or watching TV.   She snuck off to the bedroom and put some old bedclothes on the bed that she knew she could dispose of afterwards.    It was slow going, each contraction bringing on stronger and stronger pains as time went on, and walking around the bed to tuck in the sheets took quite a long time in her state.

She lost track of time until there was a bang, the front door slamming back.   Josie shouted out “I’m home, just like you wanted, you’re such an embarrassment, we’d both agreed I could be out… now I’m a joke amongst the group I had found, I can hardly make friends like this.”   She had sounds of tears in her voice.  Josie charged into her bedroom, once again slamming the door behind her, the sound reverberating through the house.  She turned on her music to a very loud volume and seemed to be going off into a tantrum.

Claire couldn’t focus on that right now, almost with tears in her eyes she collapsed onto the bed, muttering to herself that she needs help.   Heaving herself off the bed, she waddled into the other room, and spread a pile of papers all over the dining table.   Scanning through them, pushing them to the side in a frantic manner, she eventually found what she was looking for – useful phone numbers for the base.

Ringing the number, it seemed like the ringing went on forever before someone answered.   Eventually a lady on the other side of the phone did pick up, and asked;

“Medical, how can I help you?”

“Hi… I’m in labour, I need help.   Can you send someone over?”

“2 seconds ma’am” came the voice on the other side of the phone, accompanied by a set of clicking sounds as the lady checked on her computer.  “Sorry ma’am our records show that no one is currently pregnant on site.   Can you please let me know who you are?”

Claire explained the situation, that she had only been on site for a week, and she hadn’t visited the medical centre so far due to having to cope with unpacking whilst her husband deployed.   She thought she had at least another week or so before she was due to give birth.

The lady was sympathetic but sounded worried in her response.

“I’m sorry ma’am but without prior warning, we cannot get the specialised medical personnel available on site.   I will of course get someone out to you, but they need to come from across another site – it may be up to 2 hours.   Can you get to the medical centre so we can monitor you in the meantime?”

Claire sobbed no, as she gritted her teeth and let out a harrowing moan as a contraction took hold of her.   She heard the lady on the call click on her keyboard to send out the dispatch notice.   Claire finally got hold of herself to say that she had 3 small children, and couldn’t just leave them alone in the house, and wasn’t sure if she could make the journey to the medical centre in her current state without any assistance.

The lady on the other end of the call said that she had notification that the emergency midwifery team was on its way, and that she would get another call from an emergency doctor as soon as he was available.

Claire thanked the lady, realising she had done everything she could and hung up the phone.   As soon as she hung up, she was forced to grab tight hold of a bundle of sheets as the biggest pain yet rippled across her abdomen, and she yelled out loudly.

That caused her 3 young sons to come and enquire about what has happening.   The sound of their mother yelling in pain causing them concern.

“Mammy, are you in pain?”  James was the first to speak.

“Yes, darling.  I’m afraid that I’m going to be in pain for quite a while now.   Don’t worry though, I will get through it.  I’m going to bring you your new baby sister.”

“New Baby!” the three of them chanted, the varying degrees of clarity in their speech.  “Will the delivery man bring her in his big truck?” asked James.

 “No silly…” Claire added, biting back pain to try and keep as calm as possible in front of the children, “When a mammy has a baby, she needs to push it out of her.   Your baby sister is inside by belly, much like you all were before you were born.”

This impromptu sex education speech wasn’t exactly what Claire needed right now, she was counting on Josie to look after the other kids whilst she got herself off to the medical centre – but things had taken a bit of a turn through the day.   Josie had looked after the other 2 along with Tom when she had given birth to Peter earlier in the year, so whilst she was only really learning about the birds and the bees at school, she was well versed in how babies came into existence.

“How do you get the baby out of your big belly?” asked David.  At the ever-inquisitive age.

“It comes out from between my legs” Claire answered honestly, thinking the stalk thing wasn’t worth trying at this point.  

“You poopie out the baby?”

“No…” she winced as another contraction came about.  “Mammies have a special hole that the babies come out of.  You three don’t have one, but Josie does.”

“Is Josie going to have a baby as well?”

“No… she could in the future… but… not… yet…” She huffed and puffed out the last few words, scrunching her eyes shut as the pain overtook her.   The outside noises vanished as her body forced her to focus inwards at the pain, she was completely unaware at what the kids were saying.   She finally recovered enough to function, realising that James had said something but she didn’t reply.

“Sorry darling, what did you say?”

“Can I see the hole?”

“Perhaps later.   It will be very messy when the baby comes out, so I don’t want to scare you all.   Can you please leave mammy to rest for a few minutes please, I have a headache?”

“Awww!” came the murmur from the three as they trudged off back to whatever activities they were doing, Claire sighing in relief – this was short lived though as another contraction came on.   She laboured for another 30 minutes more, the sound of loud music coming from Josie’s room the prevailing sound in the house.   Claire felt unable to move, she began to panic thinking the heavy weight in her hips would prevent her getting up from the bed, but she had to at least get to the room and knock, try to get her attention enough to explain what had happened.

Claire lifted herself up off the bed, and walking one step at a time, grabbing handholds at each opportunity, she practically pulled herself along to get to Josie’s room.  She knocked at the door – no answer.   She pushed the door to find that Josie had locked it from her side.   She banged hard on the door… again, nothing.   Unsure if Josie was either ignoring her, or couldn’t hear her for whatever reason, Claire had to focus on the impending birth without her.

Claire managed between dragging herself and squat-walking to get to the kitchen area, where she sank down into a kitchen seat.   She cursed out loud as she heard the faint sound of her phones ringtone from her bedroom, completely forgetting that she had left it in her panic to reach Josie.  She knew she couldn’t reach it in time, so decided to leave it – hoping it was the doctor, and quietly hoping that if she didn’t answer, it may force him to come to her rather than just speak on the other end of the phone and leave her with her anguish with no assistance.

James appeared by her side, either not aware of Claire’s struggles, or having forgot what she told him previously, his big eyes looking up at her.

“Mammy… we’re hungry, can you make us some food?”

“Yes darling, just give me a few minutes to get my breath back… remember, mammy is in a lot of pain right now”

“No… all 3 of us are hungry…” he stamped his feet and crossed his arms again, much like he had done earlier in the day when he didn’t get his own way with the legos.

“OK… OK… you go and play and mammy will make you something, deal?”

That seemed to appease James who trotted off.

Claire hefted herself up, most of the effort in her arms pushing her up using the table as a support, and she waddled over to the fridge freezer.

She didn’t spend too long choosing, just picking some potato shapes out of the freezer and emptying the bag into the air fryer, setting the temperature and timer to well known values as she had did the meal several times before.   She was aware it wasn’t the most nutritious thing she could offer, but it meant she wasn’t spending time cutting and preparing food, it wasn’t something she felt she could do in her current condition.

As the timer slowly ticked down on the air fryer, she slipped a hand down between her legs, trying to get a sense of what was happening down there.  She got a shock when she felt a liquid, spongy mass between her legs.   It answered her earlier question if her waters had broken… but now it meant that things were reaching the point of no return much quicker than she had thought.  Her peaking pains earlier had been her going through transition, and she was now presumably ready to push.

As if her brain and body had caught up with what her hands had just felt, all of a sudden, she felt the need to push.  She breathed through it and tried her hardest to not act on the sensation, but she knew it was a losing battle.   She still estimated that she would have at least an hour before the medical team arrive, and she knew within herself that this wasn’t going to wait that long.

She crossed her legs as she stood at the kitchen counter, focusing on watching the time slowly tick down on the air fryer.   She entered into an almost meditative like trance as she breathed slowly in and out, each time the need to push came along as the contraction ramped up, she blew out her breath, but she knew that each contraction was bringing the baby out further and further, and no amount of her delaying it would stop that inevitability.

Finally, 5 contractions later, who knows how many breaths, and at a point where time had lost all meaning, she heard the ding of the air fryer announcing the kids food was done.   She plated them up and called the kids into the kitchen where she handed the plates off to them.   She mashed the potato shapes up for Peter, but had a slight concern that he might struggle with it, as she was still weaning him onto solid food… but the impending struggle between her legs was a more pressing matter.   Why the hell wasn’t Josie helping?

As the kids came bounding into the room, she handed off the plates to each of them as they walked back to their own tables.  Except for Peter, who looked at his mother expectantly.

“Milk?” he asked,

“No baby, not right now… you eat the big boys food with your brothers?”

“No!” he insisted.   He made grabbing motions towards Claire’s torso.

A contraction caused Claire to sink to her knees as she pushed involuntarily.   A sudden wetness making her realise that this time, her waters had broken.   As the other 2 children we occupied with their food, she took the opportunity to take off her top and bra, leaving her yoga pants in place, knowing she would need to get them off soon.

Peter recognised his target, and approached Claire, who held on to him as he began suckling on her breast.

Again as before, the contraction surged through her, the stimulation helping move things along, and she was forced to reach up on her haunches, much to Peters annoyance as he was forced off the breast.   It gave Claire a chance to push the yoga pants down to her knees, and then in a few struggling movements get them down, leg by leg, around her ankles.  As she wiggled from side to side she shrieked as a leg dropped out from her.   Her baby was breach.

Knowing the birth had become much more complex – she had never had a breach birth before – she lost her composure, sobbing and yelling uncontrollably, pushing with her body as she went.   She had positioned herself on all fours with her hips pointing down to give some opening to her pelvis.   Peter, not knowing better, had started suckling once again on her hanging breasts, which was causing the contractions to surge through her, to the point where the baby’s legs and torso were hanging between Claire’s legs in a matter of moments.

The commotion finally brought Josie out of the room with a ‘what the hell is going on out here” shout only to stop suddenly at the scene.    She suddenly realised why her mother had called her back home, and guilt ridden, she charged towards her and held her close.

“What can I do?” Josie asked.  

“Pull off these things trapping my feet, I need to spread wide.” Answered Claire.

Josie did as she was asked, Claire sighing as she was able to finally move her ankles apart.

“Do you remember what it was like when Petey was born?” Claire enquired to Josie.   Josie in turn nodded.  “Well this is different.  Baby is coming feet first, so I still need to push out the head.   Help me up, and support the baby so I can get into a squat?”

Josie did as she was told, taking a hold of Peter and moving him out of the way.   The other 2 had come over and were staring at the scene, completely focused on the action happening in front of them, half eaten plates of food discarded over on the table.

Josie got on her hands and knees in front of Claire, who in turn lifted one knee up, and heaved herself up using Josie’s back to press on, Josie reaching between Claire’s legs to support the babys torso hanging there.

The same happened with Claire’s second leg until she was in a squat, with Josie laying on the floor between Claire’s legs, holding onto the baby, Claire using Josie’s body to support her weight to prevent her toppling over.

Claire gave a big push as she felt her vagina opening wider and wider, the width of the head stretching her out – but the pull of gravity of the body making it happen faster than she would have hoped.   She couldn’t stop and she just went with her body.

James giggled, unsure what to do with the situation, dancing almost in a sing-song voice, “I can see mammys hole, its so hairy.   Mammy doesn’t have a pee pee.”

Claire was focused purely on pushing, and didn’t hear James.   She yelled out, the ring of fire in full force as her lips stretched to their widest point.   She didn’t care what noise she was making, she just wanted the baby out.   Her hands had grasped large handfuls of Josie’s clothes as she pulled on her top to give some sort of leverage to her pushing.

Josie gave encouragement, telling Claire she was doing well, and the baby was coming, but again, her focus was entirely on pushing.   She yelled out again and again. 

Suddenly Claire shrieked, her skin stretched as far as it would go, and the baby flew out of her and into Josie’s hands.   There was an almost eerie silence, each of the children were stunned at what had just happened, the only sound in the room was Claire’s ragged breathing.   Then the baby cried, causing Claire to sink to her bottom, her own tears coming unbidden.

The baby was still attached by its umbilical cord but held in Josie’s hands as she asked “What do I do?”

Claire motioned for her to hand the baby to her, where she gave a quick check over and made sure everything was OK.   She was shivering with the adrenaline rush as she got the rest of the kids to crowd around and meet their baby sister.

Josie fetched a bed sheet and wrapped up mother and baby, Claire grimacing as she passed the placenta, but aware that this would be very much difficult for the children to deal with so she didn’t dare look under the blanket.   As she was beginning to wonder how long it would take the medical team to arrive, there was a knock at the door and they entered with their security keys.

Seeing the scene in front of them, they soon realised they were too late, and began to assess for post partum activities.   Thankfully everything checked out and the family were moved to the medical centre for a more thorough examination.

2 days later as the chaos of having a new baby calmed down, Claire’s phone rang, it was Tom who had managed to get the message through that he needed to ring home.

“Hi Tom.  You’re a Daddy again, we need to think of that name a whole lot faster now.” As he heard the giggling cries of a new born on the other end of the line.

[hippolotamus]

top 9 books 📚

tagged by @eddiebabygirldiaz (who I constantly pest to write a book and will add to this list if they ever do 😘) @thewolvesof1998 @cowboy-buddie @your-catfish-friend @spotsandsocks Thank you loves 💖

I can say right now that these are in the moment picks. Books are far too special to narrow down to just 9.

Anthem by Ayn Rand

A short read about a society where people have careers and partners chosen for them. Everyone is addressed in collective terms and the word I is never used. It's been a long ass time, but I legit cried the first time I read it.

1984 by George Orwell

Another one that has fascinated me since the first time I read it, way back in the dark ages of high school. Dystopian society where Big Brother is always watching. The main character is lured into going against the grain only to ultimately be punished. That's a terrible excuse for a summary but here we are.

The Santaland Diaries by David Sedaris

Some satire and humor as the author details his time working as an elf during the Christmas season. If you don't wheeze and piss yourself laughing I really don't know what to tell you.

Psycho by Onley James

Book 2 of a MM series about 7 psychopath brothers. I love the series but August is my favorite.

Moth by Lily Mayne

Book 5 of a human/monster romance series. Moth is my very special baby. Look at him wrong and I'll maim you.

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

jfc how do I even summarize this? IDEK... battles, romance, platonic love, soulmates. Just go read it and have yourself a good cry.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Dear gods what a fucking fabulous book. Chronicles the life of the (fictional) mysterious hollywood actress, Evelyn Hugo, with an absolutely insane twist at the end.

The Christmas Box Collection by Richard Paul Evans

Technically a trilogy but I can't separate them. This begins by telling the story of a young family who move in with an elderly widow. It then moves on to the details of who the widow was before, starting at the very beginning with how she met her husband, and the reason for the large marble angel statue on the property.

Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson

One of my favorites from my youth. All about friendship and imagination and what happens when that gets ripped away. Again, a shit summary, but it's a fantastic read. I have absolutely considered an au about this one.

Bonus: When the Summer's Over by Anna Pollock

A m/f romance that's cute AF, written by one of my besties @walnuts-and-berries, with cover art by my beloved wife @lizzie-bennetdarcy. Minnesota farm gal meets city boy and is instantly disgusted. gasp can they overcome their differences and make it work?

no pressure tagging @stereopticons @blackandwhiteandrose @buddierights @apothecarose @spotsandsocks @shortsighted-owl @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy @jesuisici33 @lizzie-bennetdarcy and anyone else I normally tag (or don't) who wants to play 🥰

#tag games #top 9 books #book recs #hippo recommends #hippo rambles #edit to add art credit for when the summers over #cannot believe i forgot that

[gameguy20100]

Hazbin Hotel, top 5 songs.

One of the most praised things about Hazbin Hotel is the music. It's no secret it was mostly based on Broadway musicals. Everyone has their favorites, so let me share my picks.

Number 5.: More than anything.

So, I actually have a very difficult relationship with my own father, so this hits personal for me.

Just seeing a father love his child unconditionally and supporting their dreams brings a tear to my eye and makes me happy.

Also, Lucifer's voice is so beautiful.

Number 4: Hell is forever.

People love villains. This is a fact. They've been often considered the best songs in any film. So as the first song from Adam, the main villain this song deserves it's spot.

With it's upbeat tempo and lyrics that make Adam more and more punchable with every word, It's wonderful. It'd probably be higher if not for.

Number 3

I personally consider Velvette the most interesting of the Vs, sadly she has easily the least screen time. But quality over quantity right?

With a great contrast between Carmillia's bold classic tones and Velvette's more techno rhythm, this is probably the best villain song in Hazbin Hotel.

Number 2: The show must go on.

They say leave them wanting more, and this song embodies this sentiment perfectly.

With a great performance with the entire cast, starting with an upbeat work song from the heroes, shifting to a high rhythm energy with sinister vibes from Valentino and Vox, to out right creepy and ominous when it cuts to Alastor. It just get's me hyped for season 2 in all the right ways.

My only real complaint in that Velvette doesn't join in with Valentino and Vox during their section.

Number 1: Loser, baby

Ok, I'm probably biased here because Husk is my favourite character. But Loser, baby is the peak of the music in this show.

With a combination of Keith David's soothing voice, great instrumentals, and a message that I think anyone suffering from trauma of any kind could use.

Yeah, sometimes we all feel like losers. But hey, it's ok to be one.

So, there's my list.

#hazbin hotel #Song list #hazbin hotel soundtrack #hazbin hotel analysis #Youtube

[firethekitty]

okay you reblog a lot of albums ive never heard of and am curious about but it’s hard to get myself to sit down and listen to a whole album so please please, Top Ten-ish Songs To Get To Know You kind of list? pretty please?

i literally daydream about people asking me stuff like this LOL. so this is hardly a comprehensive list of all my favorite songs ever but here are some songs that are really important to me!!! this got REALLY long so i put it under a read more

1. meet me in the woods by lord huron

my absolute favorite song Ever like of all time. means everything to me. i could listen to this every single day and never get tired of it. INSANELY fun, incredible vibes, makes me want to go outside and shoot a beam into somebody. lord huron is an Experience. all their albums are concept albums and there’s actually a fair amount of lore going on. on the physical CD for strange trails it actually has the characters’ names next to their respective songs

for meet me in the woods, it sounds very upbeat and happy, but listen closely and you’ll realize it’s not quite as it seems… in-universe, it’s narrated by a woman named francine lu, and the song has the same chords as the first track of the album (and another of her songs) “love like ghosts”. she also narrates “the night we met”, easily LH’s most famous song. francine lu is not having a normal one. what’s her problem? listen to find out…..

2. crystals by of monsters and men

this was my favorite song ever for about 6 years until meet me in the woods ranked just a tiny bit higher. sooo fucking fun, itches a part of my brain that’s only accessible via icelandic stomp & holler. makes me very happy and always cheers me up! of monsters and men was the first new (at the time) band i ever really discovered on my own without hearing about from my parents or other people, and i’ve been listening to them ever since (almost 13 years!!) they are incredibly important to me and i highly recommend all of their albums

3. sunblind by fleet foxes

relatively new but became a favorite as soon as i heard it. this is also one of the most Me songs i can think of on top of just being so fucking gorgeous and raw and heartfelt. this song is a tribute to deceased musicians who influenced robin pecknold (the lead singer and songwriter for fleet foxes) and how their music is pretty much the reason he’s even alive today. my favorite lines are “only way that i made it for a long time / but i’m loud and alive, singing you all night”. this entire album is sincerely a masterpiece and i highly recommend listening to it all. fleet foxes have really beautiful and unique lyrics, they remind me of mitski’s lyrics in that they’re very poetic and personal and emotional but still subjective enough that you can connect them to your own life

4. this must be the place by talking heads

specifically the stop making sense live recording, which i still half-refuse to believe is a live recording because it’s just THAT fucking good. whenever someone says david byrne can’t sing i direct them here, because he does sincerely have an incredible voice and he simply Chooses to sing weirdly bc he’s a quirked up white boy with autistic swag.

this is just a really sweet and romantic song from a band that otherwise stays far away from love songs and it works extremely well. this entire album is fucking incredible and easily the best live album of all time. half of them are BETTER than the studio recordings, and you can also watch david byrne leap straight up backwards like a full 4 feet

highly recommend watching stop making sense just the entire film

5. vein of stars by the flaming lips

back in 2014, i watched a very beloved streamer play a game called “space engine”, in which you explore as much of the universe as we’ve theorized to exist. this was a little before copyright laws got so fucking strict on youtube and twitch, so mr. vinny vinesauce could play any music he wanted while planet-hopping. one of those songs was vein of stars, and it’s been one of my absolute favorites ever since.

the flaming lips are definitely an acquired taste. wayne coyne does Not have a very good voice and it can get extremely grating, especially to someone who hasn't heard them before. but when it works, god it works. this song is so pretty and nostalgic to me, always calms me down whenever i’m In A Mood. it’s nihilistic but not in a depressing way, more like “yeah maybe we aren’t here for any particular reason, maybe there’s nothing after this life. there’s nothing we can do about that, so why worry?”. very peaceful. REQUIRED listening when stargazing

6. good old-fashioned lover boy by queen

one of the first songs i ever truly hyperfixated on. unfortunately i listened to it SO fucking much it kind of ruined it for me, but i still do really love it. i may not listen to it that often anymore but i felt obligated to put it here bc it had a Profound Effect on my developing brain

7. too much time by john vanderslice

the year is 2012 and you're halfway through the newest episode of the hit podcast welcome to nightvale. cecil announces the weather. little do you know that you will carry the next 3 and a half minutes with you for the rest of your life. this one is just absurdly nostalgic to me (and not to mention incredibly vash the stampede coded). beloved song!!!

8. waltz for zizi & the real folk blues by the seatbelts & mai yamane

well it’s no secret that i think cowboy bebop has the greatest anime soundtrack of all time and one of THE greatest soundtracks of all time Ever. this is just an objective fact actually.

i believe this is because the seatbelts and specifically the composer yoko kanno studied real jazz, blues, and bebop to make the ost. like it's not just "jazz-flavored", there is genuine, deep respect and you can hear it in every single track. waltz for zizi gives me physical goosebumps every single time i listen to it, it's absolutely perfect. i've made it a ritual to listen to every time i visit the shore at night and go stargazing. sincerely transcendent experience

9. cuckoo song by cosmo sheldrake

hhhhhrrr this entire fucking albummmm hhhhhhhrhhhhrhhhaauuuuUUUUOOOGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

back during my final semesters of college, i had to take a course for art degree seniors. we’d pick something we were passionate about, make art for it, and it would be hung up for a week in the exhibition room. i chose birds of course, but wake-up calls inspired me to shift that choice to something more important than just random funny bird drawings. i focused on bird species that have gone extinct within the last 60 years because wake-up calls is made almost entirely out of endangered bird songs.

i’ll be honest i can barely listen to this song or anything on the album because i WILL literally start sobbing like in real life. cuckoo song in particular just makes me start crying every single time i listen to it, it’s like a magic spell. it’s not even necessarily sad but just viscerally bittersweet. the art for the album is made by flora wallace. here’s the spotify canvas i made a gif just for you 👍

10. take you back by orville peck

and finally………….. the song that made me realize that i actually DO love real country music a lot, and that the derivative “bro country” sub-genre that developed in the early 2000s has absolutely destroyed any positive opinion of country music in society. we NEED to go back, and orville peck is more than doing his part. this is the first song i ever heard by him and it's just so goddamn fun. i am completely unable to not sing along to this when it comes on

not only do i highly recommend orville peck but also any country music from the 50s and 60s, especially marty robbins, charley pride, conway twitty, and of course mrs. dolly parton. and later country rock/folk rock bands like america and creedence clearwater revival. it’s SO good i’m so serious

orville peck is the only modern country singer i can think of who's not afraid to bring back the harmonicas and whistling and steel guitars and whip cracks and yeehaws. it's fantastic. he's also gay and an outspoken trans ally. i believe this gives him the power to revive country music from the dead 🙏

#ask #constellation-dreamer

[pigeonwit]

list of billie the kid moments that was the most memorable to u? 🫶🏼 so happy u got to see it btw !!

i'm going to make some nice in-depth notes for all the other billie fans here at some point, but those are for sure going to go into spoiler territory and also! i'm eepy. so instead we get my top ten most memorable moments of billie the kid. to be clear, most of these are paraphrased as my memory isn't perfect, and none of you get context.

10.

mary-beth having a romantic fantasy of elvis (as jesus) spiriting her away on a motorcycle to be his bride. yes, this is only number ten.

9.

mouse: i'm sorry, you just realized you're gay and you're saying you DON'T wanna bump uglies with this EXQUISITE male specimen?!

david: ...

david: thanks mouse 😌

[and then he twirls]

8.

peaches, full gremlin mode: OOOH secrets, secrets and LIES!!

mouse, even more gremlin mode: dirty, dirty CLOSET secrets!!

7.

mouse: y'all know there's no starbucks here, right?

brodie: i know where the starbucks is, THANK YOU >:(

6.

when gez and conway came up before the show to talk about how they became friends and created the show, but specifically this bit

gez: i would show conway my bad songs about the drummer in my band who didn't like me back- conway, dying: gez: and conway would show me their terrible beat poetry about the friend they didn't like- conway, DYING:

5.

just all the love mouse got from their family. peaches calling them her brother, defending them from their bullies even if it means losing out on a sale - david constantly hugging, patting, hair-ruffling them as if they were his own brother, BECAUSE THEY ARE - brodie giving mouse little affectionate play-punches, two near-strangers bonding over their shared ostracisation - billie TACKLING them into a hug, so eager to love this kid the way they deserve to be loved - even milky abel drawing a line in his bigotry and saying 'tell the little one i'm sorry. this never should've happened.'

4.

all of confederate fag, my new anthem, but especially this:

david: yeah, you can try and kill me [flips off everyone on stage] OHHHH but i got there FIRST!!! HAHA!!!

(i know i said no context but like,,, man. the way they have david reclaim his trauma. the long standing queer tradition of taking what's thrown at you and wearing it with pride. yeah, he nearly died. but none of you fuckers had the balls to do it. it was all him, baby)

3.

olivia saunders' visceral scream during 'outlaw' - or, more accurately, how she went from viscerally screaming to riffing like a goddess in seconds.

2.

mouse's entire solo during 'daisies'. that's me. that kid is me. that little fourteen year old trans kid reminiscing about playing with their action men and their barbies, staining the dress they didn't want to wear, plucking daisies from a field and wearing them like a crown for a king - they're me and i'm them and we are each other and that is eternal. daisies, baby. we keep rising up and there's no getting rid of us.

aaaaand my number one most memorable billie the kid moment is:

david: stick by your boyfriend. if he really is gay, he's gonna need all the help he can get. and besides [spoken with the bitchiest tone, the haughtiest head-tilt, and a cunt matched only by god herself] he AIN'T my type 🙄

[and then he twirls again]

#billie the kid #billie the kid musical #david frances #mouse harrison #peaches harrison #billie belle #milky abel #(god i hate that name. why milky. why.) #mary-beth gilbeaux #brody benson

[twistedtummies2]

Top 12 Keith David Performances

A couple of days ago, Keith David - a personal favorite performer of mine - celebrated his 67th Birthday. David is most well-known in the world of voice acting, but he’s also done some work in some high-profile live-action films and TV shows: if they aren’t considered classics outright, many of them are cult classics. I decided - on sort of a spur of the moment deal - to do a quick list of my favorites of his performances and characters, based totally on personal preference. (One key performance you will NOT find here is his role in “Rick & Morty,” because I’ve never really seen that show, and have no desire to do so.) This will be a description-less list, due to how suddenly I’m making this. Just pictures, credits, and ranks. With that said, let’s get started! These are My Top 12 Keith David Performances!

12. The Narrator, for Comic Book Superheroes Unmasked. (Highly interesting documentary from the early 2000s, go look it up.)

11. The Cheshire Cat, from Once Upon a Time in Wonderland. (I don’t care if he only has three minutes of screentime, for some reason I love this evil kitty.)

10. Mongul, from Young Justice.

9. Despero, from the DCAU.

8. Keith the Handyman, from Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood.

7. Black Panther, from Fantastic Four: The Animated Series.

6. Childs, from The Thing (1982).

5. Imam, from The Chronicles of Riddick.

4. The Cat, from Coraline.

3. Spawn, from Spawn: The Animated Series/Mortal Kombat 11.

2. Goliath, from Gargoyles.

1. Dr. Facilier, from The Princess and the Frog.

Happy Belated Birthday, Mr. David! Here’s hoping we keep hearing your voice and seeing your face in future projects for a while! ;)

#happy birthday keith david #keith david #list #countdown #top 12 #best #favorites #actors #acting #voice acting #live-action #film #movies #tv #animation #video games #dr. facilier #disney #princess and the frog #goliath #gargoyles #spawn #the cat #coraline #imam #chronicles of riddick #childs #the thing #black panther #fantastic four

[messenger-of-stupidity]

Which redacted listener do you think would hide/ not mention that they speak different languages until some random or funny moment happens? because the fact that I speak 5 languages has put in a lot of funny situations 😂

Omg I wanna know some of these interactions. That kind of thing is literally some of my fav things ever. (I was gonna write a fully fledged fic in answer to this but I have way too many WIPs to do that. 😭 Maybe I'll do it in the future idk.)

N E WAYS

Personally, I think all of the demon boys can speak any language used on Earth. Like imagine Gavin travelling to Spain for example. Considering how big he is on consent and for simplicity sake, he would need to be able to speak Spanish to communicate with those he wants to feed on.

Do all demons use this? No. I'm pretty sure Vega's words just get translated into the person's native language on the rare occasions he does communicate with people.

Outside of the d(a)emons? Oh here we go.

This could just be me pushing a French Baabe agenda, but they give off the vibe of knowing another language. And as soon as Angel finds out, they immediate want Baabe to hold onto that card for whenever they need to lay the smack into Christian.

Sweetheart is another one, but I think they needed to learn multiple languages for their job. (Same with Cutie. Probably Cutie even more so since people think in their native language, and if they need to investigate someone mind, language barriers would be a pain in the ass.) Sweetheart would purposefully mistranslate words to people, just for shits and giggles. Even better if it's Milo.

But idk if any of the wolf boyos would hide it since theyve all known each other since they were kids. I also don't think they would mess with each other's mates to that extent.

Lovely and Vincent though? Those two would totally fuck with each other or other clan members when it comes to languages. Sam would probably give them the silent treatment after the fifth time in one afternoon. It got to be too much.

I feel like Huxley thought Lasko was speaking a different language when they first met simply from how fast our local fan company was talking. Especially since Huxley's speed of talking is much slower.

But you wanted listeners. So here's my list.

Cutie - nothing malicious. Work related reasons.

Sweetheart - pranks galore

Baabe - forced by Angel to wait for the "perfect moment"

Lovely - malicious menacery.

Warden - demon things

Mentor (Ollie's listener) - nothing malicious. Simply a fact of their life. They don't really bring it up, but their ability of more than one language is there when needed.

Anton's listener - I don't think they would hide it since they give off such a heavy wholesome vibes. But I also headcanon that theyre European and English isn't their first language.

Asset - AI computer tings

Honey - they only learned curse words in multiple languages (hahahaha me tho 😅)

Darlin - they got sick of falling for Lovely and Vincent's bullshit and decided to start learning the language (up in the air what it is) also since it was confirmed that they're a menace, they also started doing the same to Sam and the rest of the pack. (Sam can't escape it. Someone save southern yee haw vamp daddy)

That's all I can really think of off the top of my head (I'm having bad cramps so brain not fully operating.) But bonus:

Angel: Im learning French, Davey!

David: oh?

Angel: yeup. Like Angel is Ange in French. And please is sil vous plait

David: what else

Angel: oui oui Ange wants your baguette

David: ...

#redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted audio #bully Sam agenda #redacted thoughts #redacted shaw pack #redacted damn squad #redacted demons #redacted contemporary #anon ask #messenger of answers #redacted hc

[fics-not-tragedies]

January 2024 Music Prompts - Spotify Wrapped edition

♪ Hello again! Yes, I'm finally back, at last. Let's start new year with something great: music prompts ♪🎵🎶

♪ Since getting your Spotify Wrapped is such a huge event every year (at least for me, who listens to the same 5 artists and even tho I still get surprised, lol), I decided to surprise you with a little prompt event.

♪ I've chosen 15 songs from my 2023 Wrapped playlist and a lyric (or few) for each one of them that just has THE vibe (y'know):

1. Own My Mind ♫ Måneskin I'm prayin' at your altar if you know what I mean.

2. Dinner & Diatribes ♫ Hozier I’d suffer hell if you'd tell me/What you'd do to me tonight.

3. Kiwi ♫ Harry Styles She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes/Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect.

4. Electricity ♫ Arctic Monkeys Tell me something I don’t already know/Like how'd you get your kisses to fill me with electricity?

5. Francesca ♫ Hozier Though I know my heart would break/I'd tell them, "Put me back in it".

6. Honey (Are You Coming?) ♫ Måneskin I'm gonna show you how this Italian amor/It's gonna love you harder than ever before/You will like it.

7. Don't Blame Me ♫ Taylor Swift I would fall from grace/Just to touch your face.

8. For Your Love ♫ Måneskin I wanna be the first man you look at tonight/I wanna be stuck in your head and make you go wild.

9. Stuck ♫ Thirty Seconds to Mars I've been lost in your eyes all afternoon/The more I drift, the closer I get to you.

10. Mammamia ♫ Måneskin They ask me why I'm so hot, 'cause I'm italiano.

11. Nobody ♫ Hozier I'd be appalled if I saw you ever try to be a saint/I wouldn't fall for someone I thought couldn't misbehave/But I want you to know that I've had no love like your love.

12. I Can See You ♫ Taylor Swift But what would you do if I went to touch you now?/What would you do if they never found us out?/What would you do if we never made a sound?

13. Baby Said ♫ Måneskin Baby said, "Let me taste your silhouette/You can talk between my legs"/Uh-uh, uh, uh, know you really want to.

14. Cuff It ♫ Beyonce I wanna go higher, can I sit on top of you?

15. I Wanna Be Your Dog ♫ John McCrea So messed up, I want you here/In my room, I want you here/Now we're gonna be face-to-face/And I'll lay right down in my favorite place.

♪ You can now start making request for the following list of characters:

1. Keanu Reeves along with his following characters/movies:

John Wick & the John Wick movies franchise,

Constantine & the movie,

Johnny Utah & Point Break,

Jonathan Harker & Bram Stoker’s Dracula,

Neo & The Matrix,

dr Julian Mercer,

Jack Traven & Speed;

2. Riccardo Scamarcio along with:

Santino D’Antonio;

3. Andrew Hozier Byrne;

4. Tom Hiddleston along with his following characters/movies:

Sir Thomas Sharpe & Crimson Peak,

Loki & Avengers/Thor,

Adam & Only Lovers Left Alive,

dr Robert Laing & High Rise,

Jonathan Pine & The Night Manager;

5. Henry Cavill along with his following characters/movies:

Geralt of Rivia & The Witcher,

Walter Marshall & Nomis,

Capt. Syverson & Sand Castle,

Napoleon Solo & The Man from U.N.C.L.E.,

August Walker & MI: Fallout,

6. Alexander Skarsgård along with his following characters/movies:

Eric Northman & True Blood,

Leo Beiler & Mute,

Gadi Becker & The Little Drummer Girl,

sergeant Brad “Iceman” Colbert & Generation Kill,

7. Peaky Blinders franchise along with the following characters:

Thomas ‘Tommy’ Shelby,

Alfie Solomons,

8. Supernatural franchise along with the following characters:

Dean Winchester,

Sam Winchester,

9. The X Files franchise along with the following characters:

Dana Scully,

Fox Mulder,

10. Kiefer Sutherland along with his following characters/movies:

Jack Bauer & 24,

president Tom Kirkman & Designated Survivor,

David & The Lost Boys.

Please send in a number with the song/lyric you fancy + a character from those listed above, first come - first serve, as always.

If there are any questions don’t be afraid to ask them, I’m always all ears for y’all!

♪ LET'S CELEBRATE THE BEGINNING OF 2024 ✨

#music prompts #january 2024 music prompts #fanfiction #fanfic #fic #john wick fanfiction #imagine #keanu reeves fanfiction #santino d'antonio fanfic #hozier fanfiction #henry cavill fanfiction #alexander skarsgard fanfiction #tom hiddleston fanfiction #peaky blinders fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #the x files fanfiction #kiefer sutherland fanfiction #neo fanfiction #constantine fanfiction #geralt of rivia fanfiction #loki fanfiction #thomas sharpe fanfiction #tommy shelby fanfiction

[dxivi]

okay

So who do I write for you ask? Very good question. I'll throw in some fandoms and put in who I'll write for. (Ill forget to put fandoms in without a doubt so someone remind me of fandoms)

Also I write all three. M!reader, GN!reader and F!reader. (Yes, that includes trans!reader as well)

Fandoms

Criminal minds

Aaron Hotchner

David Rossi

Spencer Reid (That's still a bit doubtful but ill give it a try)

2. COD MWII

Simon "Ghost" Riley

John "Soap" MacTavish

John Price

I will only do Gaz and any of the others when in combo with the above.

3. NCIS/NCIS:LA/NCIS: New Orleans

No one probably knows of this fandom but here;

Leroy Jethro Gibbs

Ziva David

Anthony Dinozzo

Abby Scuito

Mayyyybee Timothy Mcgee but doubtful

Dwayne Pride

Tammy Gregorio

Christopher LaSalle (i haven't watched ncis new orleans in a hot minute so shit might be very ooc)

Sam Hanna

Kensi Blye

G. Callen

Marty Deeks

4. Hawaii Five 0

Even less know abt this one but;

Steven J. Mcgarrett

Daniel Williams

Kono Kalakaua

Chin Ho Kelly

Catherine Rollins (if you dare ask me to paint her in a good light go screw yourself, she fucked up Steve so long. I will not alter her so shes suddenly amazing and heroic.)

5. Bones

Dr. Temperance Brennan aka Bones

Seeley Booth

James Aubrey

6. Top Gun/Top Gun: Maverick

Pete "Maverick" Mitchell

Nick "Goose" Bradshaw (his death + fanfics with mav absolutely ended me- I still didnt finish the most hurtful one and its been over a year now)

Jake "Hangman" Seresin

Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw

Possibly: Phoenix

7. The Mentalist

Patrick Jane

8. Sherlock (bbc & movies)

Sherlock Holmes

James Moriarty

John Watson

9. Supernatural

Dean Winchester

Sam Winchester (as a side character)

Crowley

10. The Slasher Fandom

Michael Myers

Jason Voorhees

Bubba Sawyer

Thomas Hewitt

Freddy Krueger

Stu Matcher

Vincent Sinclair

(Probably more but I don't remember of the top of my head)

11. Marvel Universe

Tony Stark

Bucky Barnes

Natasha Romanoff

Peter Parker (no smut, kids a fucking minor)

T'Challa (as a loving father type figure but it might be very ooc)

Clint Barton

Honerable mentions for movies/shows/books I don't have enough braincells for to put in but will possibly write for:

The Da Vinci Code

Angels and Demons

Inferno

Dante's Peak

CSI: Miami

CSI: Las Vegas

CSI: NY

Fbi: International

Fbi

THE FUGITIVE (1993)

Law & Order: SVU

Bull (like the show, Dr. Bull)

Jason Bourne

House M.D.

The fallen triology (Olympus has fallen, London has fallen, Angel has fallen)

The Matrix

Rush Hour (i love them <3)

Michael Vey (book)

PJO fandom

HOO fandom

Without a trace

Castle

Elementary

Hannibal (really depends, i only know fanfic of them)

Winx Club (not fate you heathen)

And uhhh- thats it i think? This probably isnt everything because im in so many fandoms of which I didnt watch/see anything besides the fandom itself but yeah- (many of which are on this list, why'd you think dr who isnt here)

#criminal minds #cod mw2 #ncis #hawaii five 0 #bones tv #top gun #top gun maverick #the mentalist #sherlock holmes #bbc sherlock #supernatural #slashers #marvel #csi #simon ghost riley #aaron hotch hotchner #leroy jethro gibbs #steve mcgarrett #temperance brennan #pete maverick mitchell #patrick jane #dean winchester #michael myers #yelena boleva #jason bull #percy jackson #hannigram #neo matrix #camerlengo carlo ventresca

[smallumbrella369]

Fic Writing Review

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.

Thanks for tagging me @flowertrigger .💐

Life was stupidly lifey in 2023. I literally posted one fic this year. So I’m only vaguely complying with the rules here.  

Words and Fics

Total Word count: 158,583

Fandom: Schitt's Creek (forever my heart)

First fic posted: Music Moves Him

Last fic posted: David Rose: Style Consultant

Shortest fic: Quick and Dirty (498 words)

Longest fic: My heart is like paper (yours is like a flame) (56,156)

Random acts of posting

For about 5 minutes, I considered getting into recording podfics. The process is a lot more complicated than my brain wanted to engage with, so here’s my one and only recording. Just 263 words in under 2 minutes. All credit goes to Missgeevious. (@missgeevious)

Freckles

Fandom Fic Events 

In October 2020 I wrote Stranded for the SC Trick or Treat Collection

In March 2021 I wrote BDE (Big Dick Energy ) for My Eyes Are Up Here

Both of these events were great fun to participate in and yielded excellent stories from everyone. Go check them out! 

Projects for 2024

This is my list of my wips that I’d like to compete.

Fake boyfriend 

The fic /fic: An epistolary

bookstore/5+1- a new idea (because why not add to the list?)

Joshua Tree- AU-  An unfinished! 60K monstrosity that should probably be 45K tops, but has gotten way out of hand and way in my head and may never see the light of day. So… there’s that. 

@missgeevious @mostlyinthemorning @delilah-mcmuffin @madlori

@apothecarose @apothecarypants @five678patty @jesuisici33 @ramonaflow @jamilas-pen @chelle-68

Anyone who'd like to play, please do. I'm so bad at tagging people!!

#schitts creek fanfic #david x patrick #podfic #vaguely compliant #trying my best