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codegeassfacts · 1 year

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Code Geass Lelouch of the Rebellion R2 Sound Episode 1 // Canon & Not Canon (Crack)

Code Geass Sound episode are CD containing various story tracks, as well as character songs, that were released during both Season 1 and R2; Season 1 Sound episodes are staff release and canon material, expanding the world of Code geass, telling side stories and events which happened;

Alas R2 tracks are mostly crack material, relating situations with characters who either never met, or were enemies during the time being (aside from not being physically at the same place) and fall into the end of Alternate universe crackish stories, so not canon to the anime; The First sound episode of R2 and the last might be canon, as their settings and situations make sense within the show though; Character songs are still canon material though. I'll mention about their status for each one of them anyway so let's start with the first CD drama of R2

(Lelouch and Kallen serving C.C., as they should, I love this cover)

Track List :

1 - CONNECT (C.C.'s second character song) 2 - Short Drama "Fantasy Battle! Lelouch vs. Suzaku 3 - Short Drama "Beautiful Record of the Rebellion" 4 - CONNECT (Instrumental)

Connect, C.C.'s second character song, sung by YUKANA

youtube

Short Drama "Fantasy Battle! Lelouch vs. Suzaku

The drama begins as Kallen and C.C. are enjoying some tea in Ashford, under the sun; As they are talking, Shirley, Milly and Viletta are coming their way, Shirley is complaining about how Milly and Viletta are siding with Suzaku when it comes to the possibility of a Lelouch VS Suzaku face off; C.C. and Kallen enter the discussion, seemingly agreeing that Lelouch will never beat Suzaku in sport (Lol at Viletta noticing how weird it is for all of them to know each other) They then begin to list sport in which Lelouch might beat Suzaku; C.C. mentions fencing, as Lelouch is great to run away and have good reflexes, before fantasizing about how thrilling the duel would be if one of them kill the other, eliciting negative reaction from both Shirley and Kallen; Shirley then mentions swimming and begin to fantasize about a beach day with all the fun it implies and with Lelouch and Suzaku in swimmsuit being ready to face each other in a very manly way; We get to hear a bit of her fantasies with Lelouch and Suzaku ready to enter the water, doing warm up, playing with water, running after each other playfully, laughing etc etc; All Caught up in her fantasies, Shirley ask them to stop it and to allow her to join them before…she faints from a noseblood. Back to the topic, Milly then propose Tennis and imagine them both fighting in a tennis match, but Suzaku unleashes an endless number of hardcore attack on Lelouch, to which Kallen and Viletta conclude Lelouch will most certainly die in a tennis match against Suzaku.

Cornelia, Cecile and Anya suddenly joins him, interested by the topic of killing Lelouch, they call themselves the Babe trio ; Cornelia and Cecile agree that the subject is complicated because Suzaku is a physical monster; Cecile then remembers a moment when she dropped a microchip under the foot of the Lancelot and how Suzaku physically raised said foot so she could get back her item.

Anyway suddenly proposes wrestling to which Kallen strongly reacts not understanding how Lelouch would even stand a chance; Anya talks about dark humor and surprise lol; Shirley suddenly awakes as Anya is talking about her plan for Lelouch to win, which would need for Lelouch to put cream all over his body; A new fantasy unfold where Suzaku is amazed at how slippery Lelouch is and how he can't grab him (with some very disturbing slippery noises) leading to another Shirley fainting/nosebleed. Nunnally propose a skate match (yeah no one knew she was there) and Nunnally unfold a script where Lelouch would stumbles and Suzaku would have to hold his hand, with Lelouch being all like "It's not like i did it on prupose"; Kallen interrupts it, questionning why is Lelouch suddenly tsundere before admitting it sounds quite nice to everyone's shocked "Eeeeh ?" Because there weren't enough people already, Kaguya and Raksharta join the fun, with Kaguya cheering for a sumo match between the two of them since it's the national sport of Japan; Another slippery fantasy happen before Raksharta proposes Kabbaddi (An indian team sport where within the attacking phase the player must repeat the word "Kabaddi" to prove he didn't catch his breath)

We then see both Lelouch and Suzaku Kabbaddi kabbaddi kabbaddi before Kallen and C.C. brushed the Kabbaddi off; C.C. then concludes Lelouch's can't win in sport but she believes he can win in a pizza cooking contest, where she'd obviously be the judge. Viletta then proposes a shopping contest, then Milly proposes a an auction contest, Viletta a pachinko, and others girls proposes other weird ideas; The whole thing seems to be turning in some ways to torture the loser of whatever game for the girls amusement (listening to a speech given by the Britannian emperor sounds really awful) It's ends up with Kallen wondering what they were first talking about and everyone seems to have forgotten.

Short Drama "Beautiful Record of the Rebellion" You can listen to the original voices with english subtitles of this drama right here

Kallen: Everyone has arrived at the designated location. C.C.: Is that so? There's still time before the operation begins. Kallen: Is it true that there are Japanese being forced to work in this factory? C.C.: If the information Urabe gave us is accurate, yes. Kallen: Damn Britannians… C.C.: We will save the Japanese, take over this property and make it our, the Black Knights, headquarters. It's like hitting two birds with one stone. Kallen: Yeah, I'm trembling with excitement. silence C.C.: Hey. Kallen: What? C.C.: This is boring. Say something. Kallen: What? C.C.: You have "sad" written all over your face. I hate that. It's irritating. Kallen: I really am sad so I can't do anything about it, can I? Lelou- Zero is in that state… And our comrade have all- C.C.: What a depressing woman. Kallen: Stop irritating me. Everyone is tired of being constantly chased by Britannians. My-my face has become so rough! C.C.: How cute. Kallen: What is? C.C.: "Oh my, I cannot show this face to Zero" is what you were thinking, right? Kallen: I didn't say anything like that! It's not like you're any different! C.C.: My skin is not rough, mind you. Kallen: That just means that you're not working hard enough! C.C.: I have pratically the same lifestyle as you though. Kallen: Then what is the difference? C.C.: Care. Kallen: How I want to rub your face rough with some sandpaper right now! C.C.: hahahha. Do you really think that my skin will become rough with just sand paper? Kallen: What are you made of, reinforced plastic? C.C.: I guess I have no choice but to tell you the secret behind the boiled egg-like smoothness of my skin. Kallen: You're probably going to say that the secret is Pizza, aren't you? C.C.: How did you know? Kallen: It's always the same pattern. C.C.: It's time. Let's go.

Sounds of gunfire

Kallen: Don't move! We are the Black Knights! C.C.: If you don't resist, I won't make it painful. Kallen: What the- this is a cosmetic factory?! C.C.: All of the cosmetic facial lotion here is now property of the Black Knights. Kallen: Eehhhh?!!! C.C.: Bring in the trailer! Transport everything!

Dramatic Background music

C.C.: Alright. Let's head back. Kallen: Wa-wait!! What?! C.C.: I hate depressing things. Women have to be beautiful and elegant. (evil laugh) Ahahahahahhahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa……. Kallen: It's Zero. There's a female Zero right here…

Dramatic background music

Kallen: Everyone has arrived at the designated location. C.C.: Is that so? There's still time before the operation begins. Kallen: Is it true that some of our captured comrades are going to be transported here? C.C.: If the information Urabe gave us is accurate, yes. Kallen: Urabe-san, huh… But last time at the cosmetic factory, there was no forced labor. C.C.: Only our skin benefited. Kallen: You too. Aren't you choosing the operation objectives according to your self-interest? C.C.: On the other side of this soundproof wall is an evacuation highway. When the time comes, we will blow up this wall and take control of the evacuees. Kallen: So you won't answer questions that inconvenience you. C.C.: Yeah, yeah. Hey, this is boring. Say something. Kallen: I've never seen such a selfish woman… C.C.: You don't need to praise me that much. Kallen: I'm not praising you!! This is exhauting. And recently I have been getting tired easily, too. Due to this hard lifestyle, I even lost five kilos. C.C.: What a careless woman. It's only natural that your stamina will drop when you lose weight. Kallen: It's fine! I'm getting lighter anyway. C.C.: I guess… The thinner you become, the more space you will have inside the Guren MKII Kallen: I wasn't that fat before, and I haven't become that thin either!!! C.C.: By the way, even if my environnement changes a bit, I'm not so weak that my figure will be affected. Kallen: Yeah, even if you eat that much flour, cheese and tomato sauce everyday… Rather, I'm amazed that doesn't affect your figure. C.C.: What are you saying? How can healthy foods like flour, cheese and tomato sauce make you unhealthy? Kallen: Maybe it would be in your best interest to hold back a little, you high-handed, fat-ass woman? C.C.: What did you say? I can't pretend I didn't hear that. I don't care if you call me high-handed, proud or arrogant… Kallen: So she doesn't care about those things… C.C.: But from what I see in the mirror, there's not a single change in my figure for the past few centuries. Kallen: Centuries? Next time I'll bring a tape measure for you. C.C.: Tsk. I would like to continue this enquiry, but it's time. We are going to blow up this wall, and use the opening created to infiltrate.

Sounds of bombs exploding

Kallen: I somehow made it through. This hole is really tight. C.C.: Ah- Kallen: What? C.C.? C.C.: A problem has come up. Continue with the rest of the operation alone. Kallen: Oh really? What happened C.C.-san? C.C.: A problem has come up, that's all! Kallen: That's strange… Why is only your upper body appearing on this side?

Kallen: The police are here! C.C.: We have no choice. Abort operation. We are heading back. Kallen: Wa-wait! No way!?! C.C., hurry up! C.C.: Ah- I can't seem to go back. Kallen: Huh?! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! C.C.: Okay. From tomorrow, I will order the small size!

dramatic Background music

Kallen: Everyone has arrived at the designated location. C.C.: Is that so? We still have time before the operation begins. Kallen: Is it true that if we blow up this transformer substation, electricity in the entire Chiba area will go out? C.C.: And admist the confusion, we will transport our Knightmares inside the city. Kallen: But I investigated about this, and of all people, it's Urabe-san again, right? C.C.: Yes, and? Kallen: The paddy wagon we attacked last time turned out to be a kindergarten bus. Like this, it seems like we are some kind of evil organization. C.C.: One can also say that we were like that from the beginning. Kallen: Yeah, but… C.C.: As usual, I'm bored. Go and talk about something. Kallen: I don't really have a topic in mind. C.C.: I thought so, which is why I prepared a topic lottery. What will come out? What will come out~? Oh. Food that you like? Kallen: Yours is easy. It's that, isn't it? That. C.C.: How foolish. That is not possible. Kallen: It's not?! C.C.: The word 'Like' is so ordinary. It's an insult to such an unique food item. Kallen: Oh, really. C.C.: What about you? Kallen: Hamburger. C.C.: Are you a kid? Kallen: I can't forget about the hamburger that my mom cooked when I was a kid. When I got a perfect score on a test, she told me "Tonight will be a feast!". My mom's hamburger curry with an sunny-side up egg on top… I was so happy about such a thing that I screamed for joy, and put sauce on the egg- C.C.: Wait. Kallen: Huh? C.C.: When you say sauce, do you mean worcestershire sauce? Kallen: Huh? Yeah, I mean, I also put sauce on curry- C.C.: How stupid! If you do that, the egg is wasted! Kallen: Ehh?! Isn't it normal? C.C.: That alone, that alone I cannot forgive. You hateful destructive woman! Kallen: Yo- you have problems with my seasoning?! C.C.: I'm speaking about common sense. Kallen: Wha- Urabe-san, Urabe-san! What seasoning do you use for your sunny-side up eggs? What?! That's impossible! What the heck is that? And you call yourself Japanese? Sauce is good! What's up with 'maple syrup' ?! C.C.: It seems you two are no different, Japanese. Kallen: There is a big difference. C.C.: From my point of view, none. Kallen: What did you say?!! C.C.: (Sounds of bombs exploding) It seems it's time to begin the operation. Kallen: It's not the time for such things! Soldier: You fell for my trap, Black Knights. The false information that we released- Kallen: Don't interfere!!!!

Sounds of beatings

Soldier: It cannot be! With only two people, the elite of Britannia were- C.C.: Answer the question. What do you put on eggs? Salt and pepper? Ketchup? Mayonnaise? Kallen: Soy sauce? Worcestershire Sauce? Maple syrup? C.C.: Or like me do you use ma- Sounds of gunfire Kallen: Eehhhh!?!!!!

Dramatic Background music

Kallen: Not that… C.C.: Wake up, Kallen. Kallen: Please not that… Not on sunny-side up eggs… Ouch… You didn't have to hit me! C.C.: What about you? It's not something to have nightmare about. Kallen: No. It was a shock equal to finding out Zero's identity. C.C.: We are about to inflitrate when we break this factory wall, and you still able to nap?How gusty. Everyone is in their designated positions. Kallen: So all we have to do now is wait. C.C.: I have the information "Maple man" gave us is accurate this time. Kallen: Urabe-chan~, we are depending on you… The future of Japan is at stake. Hey, do you think we can get Zero back by doing these things? C.C.: Taking over property and gathering funds are necessary for us to do anything. Kallen: That's true, but… Hey, isn't it faster if we just kidnap Lelouch from Ashford Academy? Even if there are guards, they're no big deal. C.C.: Are you fine with that? If we do that, the academy will be destroyed. Kallen: Eh? C.C.: The only reason Ashford Academy still exists is to keep Lelouch. If he disappears, it will be erased to destroy evidence. That place of memories… everything will disappear. Kallen: That's surprising. C.C.: What is? Kallen: You actually care about such things. C.C.: It's not for your sake. Kallen: Then for who? Hmn… So you are kind to Lelouch. C.C.: You are mistaken. No woman is more unkind to him than I. Kallen: Really? C.C.: It is for my own sake. I don't have anything. The only thing left for C.C. are memories. Kallen: We're all the same. We lost everything. That is why we are trying to get it back. C.C.: Yes, you people can still make it. It is already out of reach for me. Kallen: So that is why you also care about other people's memories? C.C.: At the very least. I'm not fond of the way Charles does things. That is why… Kallen: Charles ? Who's that? C.C.: That's why as a start, I will slap that idiot Lelouch and make him remember everything. After that, he will wake the world up with his own hands. Kallen: C.C. C.C.: What? Kallen: It's time. C.C.: Alright.

Kallen: Don't move, damn Britannians! C.C.: If you don't resist, I won't make you cry. Kallen: All the rose-scented bath fragances made in this factory are now the property of the Black Knights! C.C.: Beautifully… Kallen: Cooly… C.C.: and elegantly… Kallen: That is… BOTH: The Order of the Black Knights!

Translated by ShinjiIkari

That's about it for Sound episode 1 ; While the first one definitely belongs to the land of non canon, crack stuff, the second one could be canon since it happens in a logical setting, in between both seasons and doesn't contradict the anime at all. Now all of the other R2 sound drama will all be pure crack and non canon stuff, be prepared (with the possible exception of the last one though) Hope you enjoyed.

#code geass #codegeass #C.C.#kallen kozuki #kallen x c.c.#audio drama #sound drama #lelouch of the rebellion #code geass r2 #canon #not canon #crack #original code geass #lelouch vi britannia #lelouch lamperouge #コードギアス #official material #suzaku kururugi #Youtube

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fumikomiyasaki · 1 year

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Short stories

Featuring @authoruio Vigil and @fullplaidponydreamer Daniel

_______________

A Heavens Call:

Sitting down reading as usual a sigh left her lips reading over her current book... it wasn't a topic she was fond of... sisterhood made her remind the distance of her sister from her... closing the book she hugged her knees a little looking around... as if hoping something or someone would come, yet the someone that did come was someone she didn't want to see.

"Barry, you can already walk on... before you try to say anything."

"Harsh, I just make you harmless offers to get to know you and-"

"Yeah right... who was the one who offered me money to go on a date with you, just cause I look similar to Brenda doesn't mean I can be bought like her."

"I know I know... I just really want to show you what a shining Hero I am."

"A Shining Hero you say... which Shining hero abandons his daugher, cheats on his girlfriend, undermines tons of genuine people oh and tries to buy friendships, I wonder."

He clenched his fist a little and sighed.

"Listen up... I know these rumors... so what I made mistakes, everyone does, I just want you to list-"

As he tried to put a hand on her shoulder he suddenly got stopped by another arm that grabbed him... both of them looked at the third figure, Carols face showing a small smile...

"Vigil."

"Who the hell are yo-"

"Don't you see you make her uncomfortable, if she does not wish to talk to you, you should leave it be."

Barry grew grumpy and glared at him before leaving... Carol taking a breather of relief.

"Thanks for taking over, if not I would have probably punched him."

"Its odd how someone peacefull as you attracts so much trouble."

Carol offered him a seat and sighed.

"Part of being the usual peacekeeper... but also I feel I can tell those guys 10 times I am not interested in them yet they keep bothering me."

She leaned against his shoulder, something that surprised him yet he accepted it as he noticed her gaze on him.

"Something wrong?"

"You seem tired... oh maybe a tea would help."

She got out a can of Tea out of her bag with a smile.

"Its fine, seriously... but thanks for the offer."

Hearing his denial she looked a little dissapointed but understood right away, yet she felt still a bit tensed up... especially because of Barry before... she wanted to understand Vigil... she wanted to do something for all the work he did for her keeping him safe...

"Carol, why is is that you care so much?"

"Huh? You mean why I care about others?"

He gave a firm nod. "These are not your problems yet you do all to help, to change peoples views for the better, to solve fights... why go through all these things that only frustrate youself?"

"Its because I wanna improve something... I want to make the world one where many can feel better. Even if I don't have the strength or super powers to change things.... I want my words to be a smile, a hope or something comforting for people so the life at least a little better... that is what I hope of acheiving."

"I see... its no wonder I always looked after you the most."

He stood up as if ready to leave.

"Wait Vigil... you already have to go?"

"Yes... still have something to do."

She seemed still tense, she wanted him to stay more, yet she knew what he did was also important. Still it wasn't satisfying to Just see him leave... and so her impulse kicked in.. quickly she walked up to him and grabbed him by the collar for a small kiss, withdrawing with Serious look.

"I hope next time I have a bit longer with you... its always hard to say goodbye... so I think this way I at least feel somewhat happy till you are back."

"If its important to you then." He pulled his arms around her for a warm hug, one that made her face quickly light up in a smile before letting go.

"See you soon then."

As he left she felt somewhat better... like those negative feelings all swayed away for a short while, she made herself a tea and continued to read the book, not being caught up on the past. ________________________________

A Training of heart:

As they usually met up for training, she was focused on Multitasking of correcting her tutor work while planning through that training she set up together with Daniel like they often did... however letting her pen run over the paper and concentrating on it was hard for her when her boyfriend was right there before her, being for her the biggest distraction with his shirt off and those drops running over his body... she tried hard to keep her focus yet after a while even he noticed those prying eyes that she hid behind her glasses and got closer.

"Say why don't you take a break as well sweetheart?"

"But I barely did anything..."

It was this teasing tone of his that went under her skin, she got up as if wanting to get something from her book pile, yet quickly he had her trapped between the table and himself, her face turning bright red.

"A-alright you convinced me... "

She adjusted her glasses on her nose and looked back at him. His hands wandered to her hips, making her grow more nervous, yet also she couldn't let her eyes off him... Eventually he pulled her from the side of the Table to the corner of the room, pinning her a little to the wall. To make the tension even worse for her.

"Are you t-trying to make me weak on purpose... is this your way of escaping training today?"

"Maybe?... or maybe I just like to see how nervous you get cause of me..."

He stroked her red face before drawing closer, cradling her neck and leaning his lips on hers for a tongue kiss, her face growing warmer by the second as she pulled her arms around his neck too fully giving into it...

"Its hard to focus around you really... but its also good to see how far you come... "

"Most is thanks to you... I don't wanna think about back then but, its thanks to you I feel better now..."

A warm smile escaped her hearing this, her hands placed on both of his shoulders staying close.

"But seriously now... I need to get my work done and you need to get your plan throught to get your rewards."

"Don't you call this motivation, sweetheart?"

"H-hey, don't throw my words back at me."

He smirked slightly as he withdrew...

"Well then, hope you have a good reward in store, given how you look right now... I think I motivated you for something good too."

And with this comment her mind went back into the gutter... utterly defeated as he continued his training. She drank a lot of tea to get calm again in mind and concentrate... yet she was happy he was so motivated about it... a smile sticking on her face while she continued her work.

#twisted wonderland oc #twst oc #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland ocs #twst #disney twst #twst ocs #twistedwonderland #twistedwonderlandoc #carol ann #carol x vigil #carol x daniel

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novafire-is-thinking · 2 years

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Behind the Playlist - Transformers: Prime Edition (Part 15 of 22: Raf Esquivel)

Link to the other posts in my Behind the Playlist series

✧ ✧ ✧

Raf is my favorite of the kids in TFP even though he got the least screen time. I happen to relate to him the most out of the three, which served as both a positive and a negative as I was picking songs for him.

Intended overarching themes and/or qualities: Quiet Curiosity, The Hopeful Friend, Finding One’s Place

My personal favorite(s) from this playlist: Five, Galaxies Apart, Learning to Fly, Pluto, Sun (Instrumental), and Things Will Get Better

✧ ✧ ✧

Full song list and explanations under the cut:

Aspect Imaginarium by Jim Guthrie, JJ Ipsen

Raf strikes me as a kid with a big imagination, even if he keeps quiet about his inner world most of the time. The soft nerd vibes are strong with this song.

Promise by Misael Gauna, Manu Lei

Friends are supposed to keep promises made to each other. I like to think Bee and Raf were able to fulfill theirs to each other, however many they may have made during their time together.

Nine by Sleeping At Last

I’m a bit of an enneagram nerd, and I think this song fits Raf well since he has a tendency to get lost in the fray with others more assertive than he is. I think that’s why it meant so much to him when Ratchet recognized his gifts, singled him out, and took the time to teach him things.

Five by Sleeping At Last

“I want to watch the universe expand / I want to break it into pieces small enough to understand / And put it all back together again / In the quiet of my private collection”

I think Raf has some key enneagram five traits in him too. The tune and the first few lines of the lyrics fit him especially well.

Giants by Silverberg, Ruelle

“They may say, "You're too small / You're too young to do it all" / But you're a giant on the inside / They may say, "It's not enough / Leave your dreams collecting dust" / But there's a fire that you can't hide”

Raf had to face some serious giants. Namely, Megatron with his dark energon addiction and Soundwave and his cyberwarfare. In any case, he had to become one brave kid during his time with the Autobots.

One Day At A Time by UNSECRET, Tim Halperin

“When we're together the world comes alive / Every color shining so bright / The hope that we hold, the story unfolds, together we find / Here in the mystery of moments we make / Every memory like words on a page / The hope that we hold, the story unfolds, together we find / We'll get there one day at a time / One day at a time / We'll get there one day at a time”

This one makes me of Raf’s special friendship with Bee. Two optimistic kids who understood each other in ways the others didn’t.

Galaxies Apart by Twilight Meadow, The Sailor’s Lantern

“Over my sky / Is a moon / But it's not the same / When that's over you / You're far away / In another cosmos

Will you fly up to me / Or is it true / I'll never truly / Be with you / The distance between us / Is a darkness that can be felt

Why do we have to be / Why do we have to be / Galaxies apart”

It would be rough being so far from a friend you consider family. I’m sure Raf wondered if the goodbye at the end of Deadlock was the final one despite Bumblebee’s assurance it wasn’t.

Learning to Fly by Hills x Hills

“Well, the good old days may not return / And the rocks might melt and the sea may burn

I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings / Coming down is the hardest thing”

Besides gaining more tech knowledge, Raf learned a thing or two about himself and his potential during his days with the Autobots. Making even a partial return to normal life would be difficult, I would think.

Up We Go by Imaginary Future

“Oh, when your world is caving in / And you feel like you can't win / Take a breath and take your time / Oh, we will turn our luck around / Find the other side of down / Take a step into the light

Darling, don’t you know it / Know that nothing can stop us now / Darkness lasts a moment / We will make it through the clouds / Up we go, we go / Up we go, we go

You are the strongest of them all / I have seen you standing tall / In the middle of the storm / Oh, this is just another test / You'll be better than your best / You will get home safe and warm”

Pluto by Sleeping At Last

This one just fit for some reason. It could have something to do with the planet Pluto’s status as the former overlooked outcast to [almost] everyone’s favorite dwarf planet.

Sun (Instrumental) by Sleeping At Last

Innocence, Optimism, Playfulness

Atom 6 by Sleeping At Last

Two words: Youthful Curiosity.

stargazer by [.que]

The soft, sparkling feel of this song makes me think of Raf.

Things Will Get Better by Vian Izak

They certainly did for Raf. 😌

Paper in the Sky by Portair

To me, this lovely song encompasses what I’d imagine the positive side of Raf’s growing up experience has been like. The lighthearted, adventurous lyrics. The daydream-like feel of the tune.

✧ ✧ ✧

Notes:

This post series is in alphabetical order. Next up are Ratchet and Shockwave.

As I add more songs to the playlist, I’ll update this post.

#transformers prime #transformers prime playlists #tfp #tfp playlists #transformers #transformers playlists #tfp raf #raf esquivel #maccadam #behind the playlist #Spotify

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readingaway · 1 year

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Worst Reads of 2022

time for some negativity! I’m just going to list the books I absolutely hated this year and give a short explanation of why I hated them.

1- Disfigured by Amanda Leduc

Literally the best part of this book is the description. The contents never get deeper than that and the book utterly failed to really investigate or explore what Leduc claimed to be writing about. Much of the text is taken up by autobiographical details and biographical details about other writers.

2 - Namesake (Fable, #2) by Adrienne Young

This was especially disappointing because I’d quite enjoyed Fable - in-so-far as I can enjoy most YA adventure fantasy-romance, and Fable was very typical of its genre. But Namesake? What the hell was the point of this duology. I have to ask. What was the point Ms. Young? More importantly, you do understand that in your chosen genre of YA fantasy adventure the protagonist needs to do something.

But wait a second I need to go over another detail before I get back to the insanely weak plot and characters. The worldbuilding. It sucked. In Fable I put up with it, there was some nice imagery. But with all the other issues in Namesake I couldn’t ignore it. Young uses the same tired costuming tropes where, in one scene, the MC is forced - forced I say! - to wear a pretty dress to a party which involves a horribly uncomfortable corset. (What undergarments was she wearing before?) But that’s barely even an issue compared to, for example, that there is exactly one alcoholic drink in the entirety of this fictional world and it is called rye. That’s it. Rye rye rye. He was drinking rye, she was drinking rye, they were drinking rye. I wouldn’t be surprised if it had originally been rum and the editor made Young come up with something else to call it because rum would be too stereotypical or whatever. The rye thing is a pretty good example of the weak worldbuilding without getting too far into the plot. But I would also note that there is no clarity in what the climate is like, or the various cultures. Oh yeah. I guess there’s some magic in this story and some people have the ability to read or sense gems somehow, and it is only used for tension in a couple scenes and doesn’t matter to the main plot.

And back to the plot, which sucked. As a general rule, the main character of a story needs to do something. There are other important things about plots and characters, such as that a main character should want something, and that this drives the plot. The MC here does, at least, want something: her father’s love. What she does do over the course of two books is all about gaining her father’s approval or love, or it’s about helping her love interest. Just typing that makes me realize that somehow this duology failed the sexy lamp test with its main character. Fortunately it’s been almost a year so I won’t write more but seriously. This book is so bad. It’s soooooooooo bad.

3 - The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

I love the 90s adaptation of this book and so was excited to read listen to it, at last. That was a mistake. The first section of the book, up until Edmond escapes prison is good. It’s tense and you can really feel and understand why he’s so angry and set on revenge. The rest of the book.... his revenge is too intricate, there’s too much moralizing and talking. The revenge isn’t even satisfying. There’s a time gap between the escape and Edmond’s return to Marseille and he picks up this Greek slave girl who is kind of his adopted daughter but then becomes his love interest. He screws Mercedes over. The movie changed almost everything from the point of the escape and that was the right decision. There’s no satisfaction or great romance in the novel.

4 - Upright Women Wanted by Sarah Gailey

So, I wasn’t a fan of American Hippo because it turned out that the novellas were not, in fact, fun and were instead gritty westerns. I figure that’s more an issue of my not reading the description carefully enough. This, I was unsure about and I just wish I hadn’t picked it up. It might have been good, but it’s missing so much worldbuilding/ information. I cannot buy into a story where somehow, at the time of the real american civil war, there’s instead this very fascist government over all the white people and there’s a secret society of people ferrying folks from the east to the free, rebel-held west. And that the headquarters of this rebel stronghold are in Utah. And the place names are the same. You cannot actually expect me to believe that there is a Provo, Utah not twenty years after initial colonization that is a glorious safe haven for free speech and being gay and nonbinary. I also don’t recall there being much about race or colonization in this story despite it being set, again, at the time of the real american civil war and with the group the audience is supposed to be rooting for heading for safety in a very recently colonized place.

*addendum, apparently this story is actually supposed to be “near-future.” But the worldbuilding issue remains the same. There’s nothing in this novella to 1) make it clear when this is supposed to be set, 2) make it clear or even possible to guess what has happened to bring about this “near-future” dystopia. I’ve read other, similar stories that also involve a near-future dystopia set in the US that give enough detail for that described future to be plausible. (Ex, The Handmaid’s Tale, or Civilwarland In Bad Decline.) This novella does not give enough information for me to even visualize the story, much less understand the essential question of “how did we get here?”

5 - How to Write a Mystery, edited by Lee Child

There were a lot of bad essays

6 - Leave the World Behind by Rumaan Alam

I wrote a review of it which you can read here.

7 - The Once and Future King by T.H. White

So yeah. I would like to stuff a sock in Merlyn’s mouth and duct-tape it shut and shoot him out of a cannon. That’s a bit extreme, but so much of this text was taken up by his patronizing, philosophizing, when he wasn’t going on racist rants and making up colonial manifestos. Such speeches rang especially hollow with the hindsight provided from the last several decades since the books were being published. There were other issues I had with the book, such as abrupt time skips and glossing over important details or constantly referencing other authors so that in order to understand this excessively long book, one must already be familiar with the preceding major works of arthuriana.

#2022 reading wrap up #worst books of 2022

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pascalssbabyy · 8 months

Text

Something New 🤍

Pairing: Joel Miller x Innocent!F!Reader

Rating: Explicit 18+

Word Count: 14.6k (oops?)

Summary: Getting bored of the bare minimum in Jackson was getting to you. Until you mention to Tommy that you want to start helping with patrol duty. Successfully persuading him to go with the idea, Tommy knows just the man to pair you up with.

Warnings: 18+ SMUT, no use of Y/N, age gap (not actually specified), insecure!reader, slight insecure!Joel, soft!Joel but also mean!Joel, slight inexperienced!reader, P in V, unprotected sex (don’t actually do this, please be safe!) m!masturbation, f!oral receiving, drunk sexual harassment (not from Joel), Tommy and reader know each other well. Cute ending 🤍

🤍 Hi everyone! This is my first ever story on here! I am so so anxious posting it as I’ve never wrote anything like this in my life so please be easy on me! I know it’s probably not the best but I’m learning! I’ve re-read it loads so forgive me if there’s any mistakes. Please enjoy and let me know what you think. 🤍

Life in Jackson was definitely something you’d never thought you’d have. A roof under your head, security, food and an actual community where everyone was there for one another. It was such a huge change for everyone and it was definitely difficult to get used to at the start. No more sleepless nights, no more fighting for survival, it was a life you’d never thought would be possible.

You’ve now been in Jackson for over a year. About a month in Tommy had given you a lists of jobs that you could pick from to help the people and the community. He wasn’t pushy with it of course but you were eager to help out as much as you could. It was a rocky start for you to try a fit in as you were new and still not being used to other people around you, the constant feeling of needing to protect yourself and keep others out, you kept yourself to yourself like life had always been. You wanted a job to help get you out there, to get you socialising with everyone and hopefully make a few friends along the way, and you thought the perfect way to do that was to get a job at The Tipsy Bison.

Work was fine in the beginning, it actually made life feel normal again, like there was no apocalypse that had completely wiped the world and killed almost everyone. Your job at the pub is where you met your now best friend Rebecca. She was only a couple years older than you and you both got on pretty much instantly, she’s got to know everything about you, what life was like before Jackson and how you got here in the first place, it was nice to finally have someone to talk to and to feel yourself around, you could trust her with anything and everything.

It’s a Friday night and you’re currently working the late shift. Rebecca is sat in-front of you clutching on her icy glass of spirits while you dry the clean glasses and put them away in their designated spot.

“Josh asked me out today can you believe it?” Her voice cuts you out of your trance as you turn to face her, rolling you eyes before she can see. “Ooh did he now?” You reply raising you eyebrows at her which makes her scoff. “Yeah yeah I know what your thinking, he’s a nice guy I promise you.” She sips on the last bit of her drink, pulling her face in at the taste of it, burning as it goes down her throat, the bottom of the drink is always the strongest. Rebecca didn’t even know why she brought it up in the first place, she knows you inside out and knows just how you’d react.

The truth was you were a little jealous of Rebecca in that sense. She was beautiful so she was bound to get guys coming up to her. Offering her a drink here and there, asking to walk her home when it got too dark outside. She bloomed confidence and was never the one to turn any guy down.

You’d get that too, men asking you out, that was a negative of working at the Tipsy Bison. Drunk men waltzing up to the bar in attempt to impress you, asking if they could wait for you to finish to walk you home or buy you a drink after your shift, the thought makes you sick. This is a couple of the reasons why you started disliking your job, tired of the harassment from men, the late nights and busy days leaving you exhausted to do anything after. You wanted a change, something to bring that spark back to you, and that was just about to happen.

“I heard they’re looking for recruitment for the patrol duties” Rebecca mentions, as she slowly swirls the ice in her empty glass, you don’t reply straight away, refilling her drink in hopes she’s carry on with what she’s going on about. “Not enough people to go on route at the moment apparently and the weather is putting people off which is understandable. You wouldn’t see me out there in weather like this.” Rebecca twirls her straw to mix the alcohol with the melting ice in her drink before taking a sip. “Yeh that’s true” you nod clutching the dish towel in both hands.

It’s like a lightbulb went off. Yeah patrols seemed hard but you lasted so long out there on your own why wouldn’t you be able to do it? Just going to certain checkpoints and staying on watch for a few hours or a couple night at tops. How hard could it be? It would at least get you away from all the drunk people you have to serve and deal with. It wouldn’t harm asking Tommy would it? You were young and to you, that was an advantage. You were strong and quick on your feet, sure you weren’t the best with a firearm but a knife you’d had experience in using. You knew a couple other woman that patrolled, so why couldn’t you?

It’s all you could think about walking home. It was late in the morning once you’d finished all your jobs at the pub, exhausted as you dragged your feet along the concrete path but thinking of all the possibilities of becoming a member of the patrol team. The best part, this is a job you’d be proud of, protecting the people of Jackson and looking out for the community. The thought puts a smile on your face. Once you get home you quickly get yourself in the shower to rinse off another long, boring day off your shoulders and slowly make your way into bed. You’ve made your decision, you’ll see Tommy first thing in the morning.

🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃

You’ve got a thick coat wrapped around your body as you make your way to Tommys office. The coat you wore completely swallowed you whole and was definitely too big for you, the hood engulfing your head, your hands shoved into the pockets and a thick scarf wrapped around your neck. The sound of the snow crunching against your thick boots is oddly therapeutic as you make your way to your destination. With each step you take your mind plays out the negatives: Are you starting to have second thoughts? What if he laughs at you? What if he gets offended that you’ve offered? The sweet, quiet girl going on patrols? Don’t be stupid! You’re too weak to be going on patrols. Do you even know how to do anything other than make a decent tasting cocktail? Before you can get yourself out of it and maybe have a little longer to go through the pros and cons of the situation you’re standing in front of Tommys door.

“You can do this,” you mutter to yourself. There’s no harm in asking or inquiring about the job.

You take the leap of faith and push the door open and make your way inside.

You’ve only been in Tommys office a couple of times. The last time being about how your job was going at the Tipsy Bryson and if you were settling in well at home. Of course you lied through your teeth and told him that the job was going well, not wanting to bother him with your thoughts and issues. Tommy liked to hear how you were getting on from time to time and was happy you were settling in well overall. That’s what you liked about Tommy, he was a good leader and would always take his time with everybody to know the ins and outs of their lives. He was so kind and understanding to you when you first arrived in Jackson and he made you feel so welcome, making sure everything was to your liking and if not, to come to him or Maria straight away. He was such an easy person to get on with, no wonder he was the leader of the community.

The bell above the doors goes off which grabs Tommy’s attention straight away, you gently close the door behind you and pull your oversized hoodie off your head as it rests above your shoulders.

“Hey!” Tommy smiles at you and then slightly furrows his brows as he puts his pen down and stops whatever he was writing, he definitely didn’t expect to see you here especially at this time in the morning, you’re still stood awkwardly in the doorway, noticing the slight confused look plastered on his face.

“Mornin’ love, what you doing here? How’s everything going, you alright?” He straightens up in this seat giving you his full attention with whatever reasons got you standing in his office, clearly noticing the nerves you’re suddenly feeling.

“Morning Tommy, I was uh just wondering if I could talk to you about something. It’s something I heard mentioned at work yesterday, something that I could maybe help with.”

Were you always this awkward? You slowly make your way into his office, taking you hands out of your pockets and start fiddling with your fingers, something you always do when you’re nervous, force of habit. You take a deep breath through your nose, hoping to ease the tension you were feeling in your lower stomach. Your face starts to heat up from the nerves considering the freezing cold walk over to Tommys office.

“Yea of course you can, take a seat I’ll make you a coffee, let’s get you warmed up!” Tommy leaves the room and you’re left on your own as he walks in the back to make your drink. Taking your time, you’re eyes wonder round his office, it was nice and neat with a few photo frames scattered around of Tommy and Maria and some of this life before, papers scattered round his desk and an empty cup of coffee on the corner, hearing the back door open, you see Tommy walking back to his desk and pop your hot cup of coffee in front of you, he sits himself back down so he’s facing you ready to hear what you are about to say.

“So what’s up love?” He leans back on his chair, intertwining his hands together as he looks back at you with a small, reassuring smile. Tommy always called you the sweetest of words: love, sweetheart, darling. He knew the nicknames never made you feel awkward or uncomfortable and even if they did he would stop straight away. In fact you secretly loved them and they made you feel close to him. Tommy was always someone you could count on and trust.

“Well…” you say, looking everywhere but not him. “As I said before Rebecca had mentioned to me that you needed a few extra hands for patrols and it got me thinking…I would really like to give it a go. You know, helpin’ out.” You let out the air you were holding and finally look at Tommy’s expression, his eyebrows are raised and his face has a blank stare. He definitely didn’t expect you to say that.

“Sweetheart… I don’t know if that’ll be a good idea, it’s a lot out there,” he mutters. “Why do you want to anyway? Are you not enjoying the pub?” You know you don’t have to be scared when talking to Tommy. He’s known you a while now to know that you shouldn’t be holding back anything you want to say.

“It’s just…it’s getting to me a little.” You’re now looking down at the floor. Have you disappointed him with mentioning that your job at the pub is not what you want anymore? “I just want to try something new and help out a lot more. She mentioned you’re struggling with staff at the minute n’ I’m more than up for helping out. I know I don’t really look the part but I know I can do it once I get the hang of it.” Tommy is still looking at you with his raised eyebrows and lips parted slightly.

“I mean…it’s a big job sweetheart and I just don’t think you know what you’re getting yourself into. There will be long days and the weather is making it so much more difficult for us, I don’t want to throw you in the deep end.” Tommys face is full of worry but yet softness as he’s trying to understand why going on patrol seems like something you could start doing. He never wants to put you in an uncomfortable or even a dangerous situation.

“No I know it’s not going to be easy! I lasted a long time on my own out there as you know,” those memories are hard to come back to after being in Jackson for so long and Tommy already knows what you’ve been through before he found you. “I really wanna try it, just give me a chance at it and if it doesn’t go right then we can forget it ever happened and I’ll go back to the pub.” You’re desperate to get out of your current job and Tommy can feel it in your words.

“Well I love the enthusiasm.” He chuckles when he says it and shuffles his chair closer to the desk and straights his back, he has a glimmer in his eye and writes down something on a piece of paper and gives it to you.

After a few seconds of silence Tommy speaks up. “Okay sweetheart we’ll give it a go.” Tommy gets up from his chair and comes round to the front of the desk planting both hands on the sides gently leaning his body back. “Why don’t I give ya your first job this Monday coming? It’ll only be a couple of hours and a really short one for your first time. You won’t be on your own of course and I know the perfect person to pair you up with to ease you into it.” This is perfect, you never thought he’d actually agree to it. Butterflies erupt in your lower stomach from the excitement and also just a slight bit of anxiety. You have no idea what it’ll in-tale but you don’t mind a challenge.

“Thank you Tommy I really appreciate you giving me a chance.” He just smiles at you and gives you a small nod. You had forgotten your coffee on the side and reach for it, slowly bringing it up to your lips, the strong flavour instantly warming your body up. “D’you mind if I ask who I’d be paid up with?” The cup is still touching your lips and the steam warms your red checks and nose.

“Yea of course sweetheart, you’ve heard of my brother Joel haven’t you?”

Of you know of him.

Everyone knows about Joel Miller.

Your face drops at the name. Surely there was someone else he could pair you up with other than his brother Joel. You didn’t really know him, only seeing him when he would pop in the pub for a couple of drinks after his patrol shifts or in the mornings when he would eat his breakfast in the cafeteria. He would mainly be on his own, looking like a man who enjoys his own company than being with others, occasionally Tommy would join him for a few drinks in the pub but mainly the man would make his way to the bar on his lonesome.

Joel Miller had arrived to Jackson with a young girl called Ellie only just a couple of months ago. You didn’t know much about them both other than they weren’t related but there was definitely a father/daughter relationship there. You noticed Ellie had really come out of her shell during the time she had been in Jackson, fully embracing the new and safe life that she knew Jackson would give her, finally growing into her own person and welcoming anyone who came her way. Joel however…it was a different story.

Everyone knew not to mess with Joel, words had gone round about what stuff he got up to before his arrival into Jackson, all the bad things he’d supposedly done. Tommy had warned pretty much everyone that Joel wasn’t like him. Joel was more hidden, quiet and never wanted to indulge in an social activities that happened in Jackson, which happened quiet frequently to keep morale high in the community. But that didn’t stop you from watching the man each time you heard him waltz into the bar when you were on hours.

Joel Miller to put it bluntly was the most attractive man you’d ever laid your eyes on. Tall, broad and a face that looked like it had been carved by the gods, his patchy beard and salt and pepper hair that you so badly wanted to run your hands through, a voice that would make your knees turn weak when all he would say to you is “whiskey, neat and no ice” and all you could do was nod and make what he wanted. You’d do whatever he wanted if he’d let you.

The infatuation would develop the more you saw of him, constantly checking the entrance door, the anticipation of knowing he could walk in any second, some nights left disappointed as he wouldn’t show up at all.

How can you develop a crush on a man who doesn’t even know of your existence and worse, a man who was over twice your age. You’d shove all the thoughts deep down into the pit of your stomach and just keep the attraction hidden. You could do this, a little crush wasn’t going to stop you from showing Tommy that you were capable of patrolling and doing the job successfully. Just try not to get distracted by the man.

Should be easy.

“I don’t know him much but I think we should get on okay.” (Oh you’re so wrong and you don’t even know it yet.) You’ve now finished your coffee and put the empty cup back on the desk. You gently stand up so your now in front of him and give him a wide smile.

“I really appreciate the opportunity Tommy, I won’t let you down I promise.” Tommy chuckles and stands up straight gently putting his hands on the middle of your back and walks you to the entrance door. Always such a gentleman.

“Any nonsense my grumpy older brother gives you please let me know. He’s the best person to pair you with, he’ll keep you safe out there. He’s not the most social guy and he’s a little quiet with everyone so don’t let that get to you that’s normal for Joel. I’ve wrote down the meeting time and location on that piece of paper for you. Myself n’ Joel will be there in the mornin’ just to go through some of the basics and I’ll be there the second you get back and we’ll talk about how you found it n’ possible future patrol routes for yourself and Joel. Are you 100% sure you’re up for it? You can say now if y’still unsure?”

“No no Tommy I’m sure. I’ll see you Monday.” He nods at you, says his goodbyes and give you a wave as you walk back home. Well that was successful. Monday can’t come quick enough.

🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃

The weather to your advantage wasn’t as cold this morning as you thought it was going to be. In your right hand you had the piece of paper Tommy had given you so you definitely made sure you knew where you were going and the time you had to meet him. Checking the note every couple of minutes forever doubting yourself that you’d go to the wrong place and also get there at the wrong time. Making your way to the front of the gates you can see two silhouettes chatting to one another, your throat starts getting tighter when you see Joel move his attention straight to you walking over to him and Tommy.

“Good morning sweetheart y’here just on time!” Tommy gives you a gentle hug and rubs his hands on each side of your arms to warm you up. The action makes you chuckle, quickly easing you up to whatever him and Joel have got planned for you.

You introduce yourself to Joel and give your hand out to him to shake which he accepts. His grip is strong, making your face twitch in a slight discomfort from the surprised pressure of his calloused hands, it makes your stomach flip. His face is showing many emotions: Confusion is definitely one, maybe a hint of frustration? You know he’s questioning why the hell Tommy agreed to get you working on patrols and to even pair you up with him. What is it you thought he saw? Maybe he thinks you’re just a weak, innocent young girl who was completely out of her comfort zone. You wanted to prove him wrong, you wanted to show Joel Miller what you could do.

Tommy breaks you out of your trance and back into the conversation. “As I mentioned it’s only a short one today, me and Joel have talked about it over the weekend and he knows where he’s gonna to take you. All it’ll involve is getting used to the certain locations you’ll go to and mainly talking to you about the ins and outs of the job. It’s not gonna to be easy sweetheart so if you’re really up for it we need to get you prepared and ready for it quickly, just like an induction to the job today, that sound good?”

Each word he says has you nodding and humming in complete understanding. Your hands were shoved down in your coat pocket to keep them nice and warm, occasionally looking at Joel who was looking anywhere but you.

“Yes Tommy and once again thank you for this. And thank you Joel I do appreciate you taking the time to teach me as this is definitely new to me, I won’t let you both down.” Joel scoffs at your comment which results in a quick punch to the top of his arm by Tommy.

“Well then…” Tommy claps both hands together, ready to say his farewell to the both of you. “I’ll be right here when you get back. Joel please keep her safe and be easy on her, good luck sweetheart.” Tommy rubs his fingers over your shoulder in reassurance as he walks away from the entrance and out of sight. This now leaves you and Joel together…alone.

You’re both stood there awkwardly. Oh god will it always be like this? You’re about to say something when Joel suddenly beats you to it.

“Right listen here little one.” Okay, that took you off guard. “I want no talking from you while we’re on route. I don’t want to know anything about you, absolutely nothin’ and I want nothin’ coming out of your mouth that isn’t work related. When we’re at our first location I’ll have some ground rules that are non-negotiable and must be followed at all times, d’you understand me?”

His huge frame is towering over you, it’s making your breath hitch in your throat and your stomach turn, but maybe in a good way? His voice is low and has a slight roughness to it, you can almost feel it vibrating on your body and it’s making your mind go dizzy. He’s that close to you you can smell him, he even smells nice, a-bit like wood and the body wash he must of used this morning. Did the man have any visual flaw? That would at least make it easier for you to work with him.

“Yea’ Joel I understand.” You’re looking directly at him, finding it hard to look away from the deep brown in his eyes. All he does is nod at your words and straighten back up. He roughly picks up his backpack putting it across his shoulders and picks up his rifle. You weren’t sure what to pack for the day as Tommy didn’t mention anything to you so all you packed were some extra clothes, some food and water for you and Joel, if he would accept it that is and your knife too. Just in case.

A hour into the walk Joel still hadn’t said a word. You knew he would be closed off but this bad? Isn’t he supposed to be teaching you something already? Each step you took you were slowly losing yourself to boredom. The treck though wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Before Jackson you were used to walking for long periods of time so your body was used to the long walks, it was strange to see the new surroundings around you, it was peaceful, no sounds to be heard other than the trees, some birds and the sounds of yours and Joel’s bodies moving along.

You let out a huff louder than you anticipated causing Joel to slow down in his tracks and turn his body towards you. “What are you huffing and puffing about back there?” Joel groans as he turns his attention back to the trees in front of him, you role your eyes at his question. Is he being serious? Your frustration completely taking over. “Well we’ve been walking for a little while now and you haven’t spoke to me once. I know you said you didn’t want to know anything about me Joel but this is awful.” Your words have now stopped him in his tracks, you almost collide into he back with how abruptly he stopped.

“If we’re going to be working together we need to get on a little at least. I know you’re not happy with patrolling with me I could see it clear as day on your face when you first saw me, but I really want to do good here and I need you to be on the same page. So just stop being grumpy about the situation and suck it up!” Joel’s face is raised and lips are slightly parted, you cross your arms over your chest, trying to gain dominance considering that Joel was twice the size of you and his body is constantly towering over you.

“You need to understand who your talkin’ to here sunshine. We’re not going to get friendly with one another, I don’t give a shit about anything that you do and I don’t wanna hear about any of it. You think you can do this job? You think it’s easy? You have no idea what happens out here and I know the second somethin’ happens you’ll be scurrying back home like the little girl you are. I will teach you everything you need to learn n’ I need your full attention, no it’s and no buts. I haven’t spoke to you yet because we haven’t reached the destination yet, then I’ll talk to you more about the job. Now we’re wasting time here so move your ass.” Joel looks away again and continues walking with you trailing behind him. There’s no point in arguing, you know it’ll get you no where, so you shut your mouth and move along.

Joel Miller is going to be a handful.

Once you reach your mark, you and Joel sit down as he goes through the ins and outs of the job, the overnight stays you’ll have to do sometimes, the different locations you’ll be going, what you need to pack and the learning schedules he’s got planned for you, and the more he speaks about it the more excited you get. You start to feel hopeful that you’ll finally be doing something that has purpose, plus the fact that it’s Joel who will be teaching you everything is even better, one of the most experienced and skilled men in Jackson. Yeah he’s an ass but deep down you know he cares about your safety, that’s why he’s being so tough on you (that’s what you think the reason is anyway). Hopefully he can open up to you a little more once you both get used to being in each others company.

After a couple hours you both make your way down and back to Jackson. Joel only talks a little on the way back and it’s just about the job which you’re okay with, you’re just happy he’s talking to you on the walk back compared to the awkward walk up. Half way down you take a pit stop to eat and drink some of the stuff you packed, you offer Joel something which he surprisingly accepts. You both eat in silence until it’s time to walk the rest of the way back. As he promised, Tommy was waiting for you both at the entrance gate, checking his watch every now and then, waving at the both of you once you both come into view.

“Glad to see you’ve both come back in once piece.” Tommy’s attempt at a joke makes you smile and Joel to role his eyes and let out a huff. Tommy pats his brother on the back and thanks him for taking you out, you say your farewell to Joel and also thank him, he nods at both of you and walks away mentioning that he’s going to check and see how Ellie is getting on at home. What Joel says makes you smile, he may have a hard outer shell but deep down you know he’s somewhat soft to the people he cares about the most. Once Joel is out of sight Tommy takes your backpack off you and walks you back to his office to talk about how you got on. You wouldn’t mention the rocky start to the day you and Joel had, but express how eager you are and how you’re looking forward to what Joel will teach you out there.

🍃🍃🍃 3 Months Later 🍃🍃🍃

It’s been a couple of months since your first ever shift on parol with Joel and you couldn’t be more happier with how things were going. You were a quick learner and it hadn’t taken you long for Joel to teach you everything. The first lesson being the basic safety of the job, where to go if things got out of hand and how to contact Jackson if needed be, the weather precautions and how to deal with the cold when it got too much and just the overall basics of the job. Then the lessons got more interesting with Joel teaching you how to start a fire, how to catch prey, how to use your knife the correct way and even getting you to try and use his rifle. It didn’t surprise you that you were awful at firearms but Joel never made you feel bad about it as he knew you had to start somewhere.

As each shift went on you got the impression that Joel actually didn’t mind your company, that’s what you told yourself anyway. The grumpy, annoyed stares he would give you lessened and you would rarely see those looks appear on his face. He would sometimes actually talk about things that didn’t involve work when the job would leave you both having to take longer day shifts or sometimes staying a couple nights out, asking questions like what your life was life before Jackson, how you got here and why you didn’t enjoy your job at the pub. He never spoke about himself of course and you knew not to pry, but you’re definitely seeing his hard exterior opening up to you slightly.

This made it harder for you to control your feelings towards him as the small crush you had on him had developed into something much bigger, which you knew was going to happen with how much time you’ve been spending with him. Sometimes he’d catch you staring a little longer than you should be, or getting distracted by him when he would carry huge chunks of wood for the fire to keep you both warm or how he’d help carry your backpack if it got too heavy for you after your long walks. Joel was really looking after you and the longer you spent with him the harder it was to ignore the feelings digging there way inside of you. The thoughts hurt as you knew he’d never feel the same way about you.

It wasn’t like you weren’t experienced in the opposite sex, you’d had something with one guy but that was a long time ago and was definitely not the best experience you’d ever had. To put it simply, he was terrible in bed, more like a man’s pleasure before women’s kind of guy, so you’ve actually never known what receiving pleasure from someone would be like. Yeah you masturbate sometimes but who doesn’t? Even with being a rubbish shag, of course he ended up breaking your heart and left you questioning what you did wrong.

You often thought about what Joel would be like in bed, he was definitely someone who he knew what he was doing. You’d imagine what he’d be like with you. Would he be gentle or slightly rough? Would he talk you through it? He seems like someone who’d talk a lot during sex, someone who’d constantly remind you who you belonged to, the sinful words gliding off his tongue as he holds you close. You’d imagine what he’d look like under his clothes, his tanned, rough skin covered in scars from the different journeys he’s been though during the years, you’d imagine his body on top of you completely caging you under him while he fucks you, his arms around you telling you how good you feel wrapped around his cock, the constant praise he’d give you. The thoughts make your breath hitch and your skin hot to the touch, having to touch yourself each time you got home from patrol, knowing your pants were drenched with how turned on he’d make you feel, then falling asleep with an empty feeling in your gut that you’ll never get what you truly want from him.

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Joel wasn’t the most excited person to find out that Tommy had teamed you up with him on his new patrol schedule. Why the fuck did Tommy think it was a good idea for you to start patrolling? You had no idea how hard the job was going to be and were in well over your head. You wouldn’t last a week.

Joel knew he wasn’t the most liked person in Jackson and knew he didn’t help himself with the situation. Joel loved his alone time and didn’t like anyone invading his personal space. He loved how Ellie had settled into her new life and wish he could just do the same. However, Joel couldn’t get out of the past and found it hard even now to trust people, with Tess being gone he knew Ellie was enough for him. That’s until he got to know you.

Joel had told himself that his relationship with you would be strictly professional, he didn’t want to know anything about you other than what he needed to teach you while you both were on patrol together. He knew it was harsh to be like that with you but he wanted to show you how hard the job was going to be and prepare you for the world outside of Jackson. However the more he got to know you and what you were like, the more you got under his skin.

He started to enjoy your company. From the very start you showed him how determined, skilled, strong minded and witty you are, just like how Ellie was like with him when they got paired together. He knew how much you wanted to prove to him that you could do anything he threw at you, he liked how you listened to everything he had to say with the upmost admiration. He cringes at himself with how much he’s started to think about you outside of work.

Because you’re so young, fuck so young and so beautiful that he shouldn’t even be thinking about you in the way he does. When he sees you outside work you come across as being so innocent like, always so quiet and embarrassed when any guy comes up to you. What would your reaction be if he was one of those guys who asked you if he could buy you a drink? Would you be grossed out? Would you like it? He thinks about how you’d react if he slowly touch each and every part of you. He wanted to know how you sounded if he touched and kissed your neck and slowly down to your breast, his lips trailing down your stomach to your aching core. God he wanted to know what you tasted like, he knows it’ll be the sweetest taste known to man. The feeling of your tight walls around him as he thrust his cock inside of you, he’d know the second he feels it he’ll want to live in there for the rest of his life. The thoughts make his cock hard and push against his jeans, tightly closing his eyes and breathing heavily through his nose to stop the blood rushing down to his shaft.

He knew he shouldn’t be feeling this way towards you but fuck he hasn’t felt this way towards anyone in a long time. Yeah him and Tess had fucked a few times but that was just to ease the stress, to simply get his dick wet and to satisfy his needs, it was never anything romantic, from both ends. He wasn’t too sure on how to deal with these new feelings other than to push them down into his stomach and get on with it, knowing you’d never be interested in an older man like him.

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It’s a Wednesday night and you’ve got patrol with Joel early in the morning but here you are at the Tipsy Bison, sitting at the front of the bar slowly sipping on your drink in front of you, it’s nice to walk into the place without feeling anxious and negative about what the night would bring. The pub is pretty busy, full of people having a good time, the faint sound of the juke box playing in the corner. The sound of music is relaxing as you sway from side to side on your high chair enjoying whatever song is on. You take your time looking round at everyone in the pub, groups of people enjoying each others company, some people on the dance floor, swaying to the music as the song changes. Looking in the corner of the room you catch eyes with Joel, he’s looking straight at you.

You hold your stare on him. He’s sat clutching a whiskey in his right hand and his legs spread open wide as Tommy talks to him. The way he’s staring at you looks like he’s not paying any attention to anything that comes out of Tommys mouth. It’s intimidating but also it’s making your heart race and thighs clench tightly together, you can feel your wetness leaking out of you just from his stare. Surely he must know what he does to you? The look he’s giving you starts to get to you so you abruptly turn your head back to the front of the bar, closing your eyes tightly and chugging the rest of your drink down.

Just as your thoughts of Joel start to surround your brain, a man who you’ve never met before shuffles his chair so he’s sitting right next to you.

“Well good evenin’ gorgeous.” Slurring his words as he speaks. You know where this is going already and you’re definitely not in the mood, you just try and ignore him hoping that he’ll get the impression that you’re definitely not interested.

“Oh you’re breaking my heart gorgeous sat up ‘ere all alone. Lemme buy you a drink, wanna get to know you.” Is he being serious? You turn your head towards him.

“No thank you I’m happy up here on my own. I just want to enjoy my own company if y’don’t mind.” You turn your stare back to the the piles of different sorts of alcohol that are stacked behind the bar, reading the names of each individual bottle to calm the uneasiness you’re feeling from the man beside you.

“Oh come on! A beautiful girl like you shouldn’t be sat up ‘ere on her own. Let me get you a drink n’ if it’s goes well then I’ll walk you home and you can invite me in your home and I’ll show you a real good time.” He’s now slowly made his way behind you, towering his body over you, you can feel his breath on the side of your face as he moves his hands to the side of your thighs, the smell of stale liquor on his lips as he pinches you, making your body jump from the inappropriate act.

“I’ll make you feel really good beautiful.” He’s somehow even closer to you now, leaning down so his face is in your hair, he breaths through his nose inhaling your sent and you can feel his bulge on your lower back. Tears are starting to well in your eyes but yet you can’t seem to move away, completely frozen to the spot.

“Please leave me alone.” You voice is above a whisper, praying that the man has had enough of your constant rejection. However it seems to spur him on.

“And what are y’gonna to do about it? Now let’s get out of here.” His touch on your wrist is hard, making you wince at the contact, you pull his hands away from your body but his hold only gets stronger.

“GET OFF OF ME!” You’re shouting now and all he does is let out a dark chuckle, trying to close the gap between you. The next moment the man is thrown off of you with someone’s hand held tightly around his neck pressing his body up against the front of the bar.

It’s Joel.

“Now who the fuck do you think you are talking n touchin’ a girl like that?!”

Joel looks furious, you’ve never seen him this angry before, his hand tightens even more round the man’s neck as he inches closer towards him, the man’s face has gone a pale white and is desperately trying to pry Joel’s hand off with his own.

“Now get ya dirty, disgusting ass out of this pub now or I’ll fucking kill you right here, do you understand? If I ever see you looking at her again I’ll know exactly where to find you and it won’t be good f’you.”

Joel shoves the man to the floor before he can even say anything. The man quickly gets up and stumbles to the front door of the pub, not looking back at the scene that has just occurred just that very moment.

Tommys the first to approach you, enveloping you into a hug as your eyes become blurred from the tears that start running down your face.

“I’m so sorry that happened sweetheart, you alright? Elaine! Get her some water please!”

Tommy sits you back down while Elaine (the new bartender) grabs you some water, you slowly take a sip trying to calm your heartbeat down. The pub has now gone silent, everyone staring at the scene that has just unraveled in front of them. Did that really just happen?

“I’m fine Tommy I’ll be okay, he was just drunk.” Your shaky voice makes Tommy frown.

He lets out a huff, “still sweetheart that doesn’t give em’ the right to do that to you, drunk or not. Joel could ya’ take her home for me? I don’t want her walkin’ down the street on her own at this hour.”

Your teary eyes look up towards Joel and he’s looking straight at you just like he was before, only his expression is much softer. Everything in his willpower stopped him from punching that man full force, not wanting to make you feel worse than you already do. His one arm is down by his side and the other is reaching out for you, putting a gentle touch to your lower back, ushering you to move towards the front door and away from everyone else.

“Come on sweet, let’s get you home.” Joel’s voice instantly calming your racing heart. Once you start walking you push yourself up to Joel needing the comfort of his touch, noticing he slightly winces from your action but slowly softens back up as you walk side by side.

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Your house isn’t that far away from the pub which your thankful for. When you worked the weekends you’d usually walk home on your own in the early hours of the morning, always feeling on edge, anxiety filling your veins with the thought of someone following you home, you’re thankful Joel is walking you home this time. You and Joel are yet to say anything to each other however it’s not awkward, it’s nice being next to him. He’s always there for you if you need anything, he’s always there to make you feel safe, you desperately want to tell him everything you feel for him but with each step you take the closer and closer you get to your house.

Joel walks you up the steps until he’s stood at the top of your porch. He’s never been this close to your house, occasionally walking you home from time to time until he got to the end your street and then would walk the other direction. This was new to the both of you and the anticipation could be cut with a knife. You slowly turn yourself to him.

“Thanks for what you did back there, I should of said it before but I’m really appreciative of what you did f’me in there.” You look up towards Joel, he’s now shoved both hands into his jean pockets but his eyes are glued to your face. You can tell he feels slightly out of place, this was a situation he never thought he’d be in and now he’s here, not knowing what to do with himself.

“Y’don’t need to apologise to me sweetheart. That man’s behaviour back there was unacceptable, I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

The way he says sweetheart.

Each time they’d spill off his tongue your mind would go fuzzy. The first time, one accidentally slipped out his mouth on patrol one day and the next moment he’s constantly calling you them: Sweetheart, darling or love, you adored the way he made the words sound, filling your stomach with butterflies and your heart thumping in your throat.

“I just appreciate it so much, and not just tonight but how you’ve been helping me these past couple of months, I just want you to know that you’ve really helped me and I’m really thankful.”

Christ you make it so hard for Joel and you’re so oblivious to how you get to him. All he wants to do right now is kiss you and tell you how he’ll never let anyone lay a hand on you. Ever. He wants to protect you for the rest of his life, be there for you throughout everything you do. He just can’t get the demons out of his head that tell him he’d never deserve someone and loving as you.

He’s done so much bad shit in his life, things he regrets more than anything, how could you like someone like him?

“Well goodnight Joel, I’ll see you in the morning.” Your soft voice pulling him out of his thoughts, he’s somewhat disappointed with your words.

“Yeah, g’night sweetheart.” Joel waits for you to open the door and walk into the house. Nodding at him, you slowly turn your body away hiding the slight bit of sadness you’re feeling from the quick interaction and put your keys into the lock, this is when you remember…

Your locks jammed.

You’ve been meaning to mention it to Tommy, you hadn’t mastered the dodgy lock just yet and didn’t know the exact method of getting your keys in the right position to ease your door open and now you’re here, continuously trying to open the door with zero luck and the worst part is that Joel is watching the mess unravel.

You look back at him quickly, he’s holding the smallest smirk on his face as he just watches you struggle. “I’ve been meaning to get it fixed, it’s a little temperamental.”

Joel can’t watch you any longer, he walks right behind you, gently touching your back with the front of his body and replaces your hand with his so he can give it a go. It only takes him a couple of seconds to successfully open your door, smirking at his success.

“There you go darlin’.” He says to you. Hearing the southern drawl in his voice makes your legs feel weak. Joel hasn’t moved from his spot behind you just yet and you can feel the warmth his body gives out all over you. He towers over you and you admire his strong build. He’s looking directly down at you, your feet suddenly glued to floor stopping you from entering your doorway.

“Thank you Joel.” You whisper, looking up towards his face that has inched its way closer to yours somehow. Overcome with a burst of confidence you quickly grab the sides of his face and bring his lips down to yours.

You’ve dreamt of this moment for months, however it’s not how you imagine as the second you mould his lips into yours, Joel is giving nothing back.

Quickly pulling away you bring your face into your hands hiding you disappointment at his rejection. Joel is stood still, wide eyes as he looks at your frantic form.

“Fuck Joel, I’m so sorry why the fuck did I jus’ do that? I’m so embarrassed I shouldn’t have—“

Before you can finish your sentence Joel has grabbed you by the back of your neck and connected your lips once again. You’re now shocked at his reaction this time, but it only takes you a few seconds to process what happening until you’re completely melting into him once again.

You wrap your arms around his neck as you both delve into the desires you’ve both been holding back for one another.

The hand that’s holding your head, travels down until he’s wrapping both arms tightly round your lower back and lifting you off the floor. The action makes you gasp as Joel takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss and explore the insides of your mouth with his tongue, he can taste the sweetness from the alcohol you drank and it’s making his mind fuzzy, he knew you’d taste so good. The whimper that come out of the back of your throat makes him growl into your mouth, the bulge now evident in his jeans as the feeling of you so close to his body is lighting him on fire, he knows he’ll never get enough.

You knew Joel would be the dominant type, taking over the kiss as you both give into each other. His mouth fits into yours so perfectly as you completely give yourself to him, wanting him to touch you in between you legs where you ache the most.

You can feel his bulge under his jeans, desperately needing attention. He breaks this kiss quickly to move his head down towards your neck, given you his well needed attention there. He gently drops your feet back onto the ground as he leans his body over you completely enveloping you as he attacks your neck.

Your can’t control the pleading whimpers coming out of your mouth from the pleasure Joel is giving you just from his lips. You’re slightly bent backwards with how much Joel is caging you in as his moves one of his hands to your hips and then inching its way up to your chest, squeezing your breast and meeting your mouth again as you both moan in sync into each others mouths.

“Fuck Joel…“ you’re a complete mess underneath him and he can’t get enough, you need to feel him against you like it’s the last thing you’ll do. You lightly trail your hand down the front of his body and firmly press your palm into his erection, which is now fully hard underneath your palm. When Joel feels your hand against him he forces his body off of yours, leaving you panting and the need to have him inside of you right there.

“Joel wha—“ you’re about to ask him why he stopped but he cuts you off.

“I-I can’t. I fuck— I can’t I’m sorry I have to go.” Joel face is flushed, lips red from the assault of your lips on his. He’s quickly walking away from you desperately needing to get out of the situation he’s just put you both in.

You’re stood there completely embarrassed. He definitely regretted what just happened between you. Were you bad? Did he not like it? Tears fill your eyes as you slowly see him fade into the darkness. Once you come back to reality and realise what had just happened (or what didn’t happen) you make your way into your house and slowly close the door.

Once Joel gets back home he quickly makes himself a cold shower, hoping the water can rinse off the feeling of you that’s coursing through his veins and straight to his cock. He’s never been this hard in his life and the temptation to touch it is too much.

The shower does nothing to help with the way his body is feeling, only increasing the need of wanting to shove his entire length into your tight cunt until he can feel you cum around him, he’s desperate to feel how warm you are and how you’d moan his name over and over until you can’t take anymore. He’s in the shower for just a couple of minutes until he can no longer fight the urge and the second he turns the shower off and gets out his hand is enveloping his cock and he starts fucking himself with the thought of you in his head, the way you sounded, your taste, your small hand touching him over his jeans.

He’s forcefully gripping the end of this sink as his other hand works up and down his cock to reach his peak, precum leaking down his shaft and onto his hands as he groans your name over and over until his cumming, spurts of his release covering his hand, his head is thrown back as he continues to fuck his fist until the pleasure subsides and he’s slowly coming down from his high.

He quickly dries his body and changes into a fresh pair of boxers and gets into bed. Once his quilt is pulled up to his chest all he feels is shame and embarrassment. How is he going to get through patrol tomorrow when you we’re both wrapped round one another not even half an hour ago and that’s he’s masturbated to the thought of you? It keeps Joel up all night thinking about it.

How the hell is Joel going to get though tomorrow?

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You’re walking up to the front gates and you can slowly see Joel’s figure come into view. The lump in your throat is getting tighter with each step you take, not even thinking about looking up from the floor because you know the second you see his face you’ll burst into tears. How can you face him with what went on between the two of you? You’d be lying if you said you didn’t touch yourself between your aching legs right after, wishing it was Joel’s tongue licking up your throbbing heat, catching your arousal as he made you cum. How will you get through the day?

Once you’ve caught up to him you sense his discomfort in his stance. You both stand their awkwardly waiting for the other to talk and hopefully cut the uncomfortable feeling hovering in the air around you. Joel’s the first to break the mood.

“Todays gonna be a bit of a long one, we’re gonna start by walking up to the cabin and staying there for a few hours, there were signs of other people lurking round so we gotta make sure the place is safe.”

Of course he’d just pretend like nothing ever happened, it actually doesn’t surprise you. You’re still looking down at your feet, making imprints into the mud as Joel describes what you’re both going to be doing for the day. Your cheeks hold a slight pinkish hue still not gaining confidence to look up at this face just yet. You just nod at him, letting him know that even though you’re not giving eye contact you completely understand everything he said.

You both don’t wait for each other to say anything else as you start the long walk to the cabin. He wants to say something about what happened between the both of you last night, he’d do it all over again if he could but with him being the one to break it off he knows he’s ruined the relationship between the both of you, he knows he took himself too far last night and took advantage of you with the emotions you were feeling from what had happened at the bar. Jesus how could he be so stupid?

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Finally you both make it up to the cabin, desperately needing to take your boots off and rest your legs from the long trek that you’ve just walked. You’ve only visited the cabin a couple times and those times had been pleasant. It was surprisingly tidy: a couch in the centre of the room, a small coffee table in front of it, a fireplace, a small kitchen in the corner and a bathroom in the back, it was abandoned but was tidy for the most part. Your mind drifts off to those times when you and Joel would sit by the fire while eating the lunch you’d pack for the both of you and talk about anything and everything, the memories make you ache as you know things won’t be like they were before.

Joel drops his backpack by the door and slowly stretches his arms out beside him, he wasn’t the young man he was before the world went to shit anymore, achy bones and in desperate need to relax and put his feet up.

“M’gonna grab some wood and I’ll set the fire up, y’just relax I’ll be back in a minute.” Joel’s back outside before you can say anything leaving you on your own. You finally let out the breath you’d been holding in since you got to the cabin, moving your backpack next to Joel’s and dropping your body on the couch with a thump, leaning your head on the back of the couch and bringing your palms to your eyes, rubbing them in frustration. You need to talk to Joel about last night, you need to ask him why he pushed away.

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The wood cracking on the fire is the only sound going through the cabin. You’re sat on the carpet moving the logs round, prodding it every few seconds and Joel’s sat on the couch. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife, occasionally you take a few quick glances towards Joel, his eyes are glued to the light coming from the flames as the wood continues to burn, no expression written on his face.

“Are you gonna to talk to me at all today?” At this point you’ve got tired of the awkwardness, slowing trying to break the ice between the two of you.

“I could ask you the same thing.” His reply making you scoff. You’re now looking at each other, there’s no going back from where you know the conversation is going.

“Listen Joel. I know you regret what happened last night between the two of us but can we just forget it ever happened and go back to how things were, please? I’m hating this awkward tension between us.”

Your heartbeat is ringing in your ears watching every expression plastered on his face. Frantically his gets up from the sofa and walks behind it, bringing both hands to his face sighing in frustration. He’s definitely not used to having conversations like this.

“What makes y’think I regret it.”

Your eyes go wide at his confession, your lips are parted and your chest is rising as Joel’s eyes move down to your lips.

“I promised I’d never let myself get that far with you. Sweetheart I’ve done some awful shit in my life and I don’t deserve anything you’ve given me. I’m a bad person— but I can’t control the way you’ve made me feel. I’ve wanted t’have you like that for a long time and my desires got to the better of me. M’sorry darlin’.”

There’s a shift in the air, you slowly get up from the floor and make your way towards him, his head is hung low too ashamed to look at your face. Gently you bring your hands up to his chest where he instantly covers your hand with his, needing to feel your skin on his body, instantly relaxing from your touch.

“I don’t know what you’re apologising for Joel. I’ve wanted you like that since the first moment I saw you. I don’t give a fuck what you did before Jackson, that’s not who you are now so don’t start pushing me away. I want you too Joel. I always have.”

Those 4 words, “I want you Joel.” He didn’t expect them to effect him as much as they did. Joel’s heart is beating out of his chest, he’s wanted to hear those words for so long. The feeling of your soft skin against his callused hands is making it so hard for him to resist you. Your eyes are full of lust as you slowly press your front against him, hoping he doesn’t push you away.

“Please Joel I wan-“ but before you can finish, Joel’s connecting your lips once again. He brings both hands around the sides of your face and immediately deepens the kiss, making up for lost time. Both of your hands are now on his chest, clutching his shirt tightly as you pull him even closer to you, pulling his body over you frantically wanting to feel his heat over you.

Joel’s hands quickly move to your hips and down to your ass, he picks you up bringing both of your legs round his waist, you moan into his mouth at the sensation of his tongue overlapping yours, the feeling of it dancing with yours sends shockwaves down to your core. You pull on the ends of his hair causing him to growl against you lips as he moves you across the room, careful not to hit the table and gently lays your body on the blanket, right next to the warm fire.

He hovers above you, bringing his lips down to yours once again in a rough and needy kiss. You wrap both of your legs around his body, connecting your clothed core with the rough material of his jeans, already feeling him harden above you, his hardness reassuring you that he’s enjoying this as much as you are.

“Fuck sweetheart, I need to feel you, will you let me?” Joel breaks the kiss, your heavy breaths fanning into each others faces as Joel searches your expressions for any sort of reluctance. Your cheeks are glowing and all Joel sees is a look of want fill your eyes, lust coating every inch of your skin that Joel has touched with his hands, your body feels like it’s on fire. You bring both of your hands up to his face, stroking both of his cheeks.

“Please Joel, take me.”

Joel’s lips are back on yours instantly, scooping one arm under your neck while the other pulls at the buttons of your flannel. He frantically removes each button while still connecting your lips, hoping it’ll ease any nerves that you feel. Joel looks down to where his hand is, finishing the last few buttons until his pulling your flannel away from your skin revealing your bra.

A loud moan erupts in your throat at the touch of his rough hands on you, he starts off by trailing them against your skin, loving how soft it is against him. You slowly pull Joel away, pushing your body up so you can remove the material off of your shoulders, you keep your eyes locked on him, wanting to see every reaction he gives you. You notice Joel’s eyes go a deeper shade of brown and his pupils dilate, ready to explore the new untouched territory.

You reach over to Joel’s denim shirt doing the same for him. You’re not as quick with undoing each button, your shaky hands making it harder for you, instead Joel replaces your hands with his, desperately trying to remove the material off of himself, needing to feel your naked skin against his.

Once his shirt is off, his chest is finally revealed to you. The imagine instantly making your panties wet with arousal and your walls clench, biting down on your bottom lip to hold the whimper that’s trying to escape off your tongue. You bring both of your hands to his chest and lightly move your fingertips over the newly shown skin, Joel shudders at your touch. He’s so tanned and broad, his body completely engulfing yours, the small hairs that scatter his chest and then his small belly. He’s perfection.

Intimidated by your stare, Joel leans you back down onto the carpet and hovers his plush lips over your chest, kissing every single patch of skin, not wanting to leave any part untouched by his warm mouth. Your eyes are screwed shut, the feeling of his mouth so close to your breasts is making your breath hitch. Unintentionally you rise your back off the floor and pull at his hair with both hands, bringing his mouth closer to you, he brings his head up to look at you and reaches behind your back to unclasp your bra, he’s hesitant at first. You look down at him with a gentle nod and he unclasps it and chucks it above your head.

“Fuck darlin’ you’re so fucking pretty, prettiest thing I ever saw.” Both of his large hands come into contact with your round breasts, slowly caressing them and bringing his hot mouth down to gently lick over the sensitive skin.

His mouth feels fucking incredible against you. You’ve never felt pleasure like it, the knot in your stomach tightening with each second his mouth reconnects with your breasts, swirling his tongue round your nipple while his other hand squeezes the other, taking it in turns.

“F-uck Joel that feels so good I-“ you’re unable to form coherent sentences with the pleasure that he’s giving you. Once he’s happy with the attention he’s given your chest, his lips trail down your lower stomach as he fumbles with the buttons of your jeans, both of your hands are holding tightly to his bare shoulders as he pulls the tight jeans down your legs, not once pulling his lips away from the soft skin of your stomach. You’re now left in just your underwear, Joel puts both of his hands onto your knees and spreads your legs open for him, finally revealing your panties to him that are now completely soaked with your arousal.

“Y’have no idea how badly I want to taste you.” His confession makes the hairs on your body stand up, your hold tightening against him. This is something you’ve yet to experience and your anxiety is starting to creep its way up into your throat. You’ve imagined Joel in between you legs so many times and now that it’s happening you’re not sure on what to do.

“I want you to i-it’s just I’ve never had-“ Joel slides both hands up your body and moves a thin strand of hair behind your ear and slowly caresses your check, your head melting into his palm.

“Oh sweetheart, are you a virgin?”

You’re quick to answer. “No! Um n-no. I’m not but I’m not very experienced in this and I’ve only been with one other guy, I’m sorry, I should’a said.”

His face softens at your words, his thumb rubbing small circles on the side of your now rosey cheek. “Y’don’t have to be sorry love, if ya don’t mind me askin’ what did the guy do then?”

“He just removed my clothes, kissed me for a couple of minutes and put it in and that was it.”

Joel’s head hits your lower stomach, shaking his head from side to side. “What’a fucking idiot. Don’t worry sweetheart, everything m’gonna do to you will make y’feel real good. I’m plannin’ on havin’ you screaming my name so loud n’ at the end of the night you’re gonna be begging me to stop.” By Joel’s face you can tell he’s being serious, from patrolling with him you know he’s a very determined guy and the thought is making you clench both legs closer around his hips, he looks down smirking.

“Does my girl like that? She wants to be touched so badly doesn’t she? First m’gonna have you cummin’ round my mouth n’ then around my cock, does that sound good baby?”

Baby.

You’re completely melting at his words. He’s so vocal with you and every single word that’s coming out of his mouth sounds like heaven, the low, husky voice sending vibrations right down to your core, you want his mouth on you so badly, you’re desperate for him to show you what you’re missing out on.

“Yes please Joel, make me feel good.”

Joel moans at your words. “And so polite, what did I do to deserve you?” You blush even more at him, nodding at him to proceed with what he was doing. You gently lift your hips off the floor ushering him to remove your underwear.

You weren’t used to someone looking at you like this, showing your most intimate parts to someone, however Joel’s expressions only showed a man who was completely stunned that someone like you would trust him in such an intimate act. He felt like the luckiest man to see you like this. Once your underwear is off you notice the arousal coating the material, the sight of your glistening cunt has Joel clenching his eyes tightly shut, he needs to calm down, you’re new at this and doesn’t want to scare you away, the need to pull out his cock is indescribable.

“Fuck sweetheart you’re so beautiful, n’ so wet. This all f’me?” He gently brings a finger towards your aching core, moving your arousal so it coats his finger. The slight touch makes your walls clench in anticipation with what Joel might do next.

“All for you Joel, it’s always been for you.” Your chest is rising with each broken breath escaping your lips as you look down at his face. He moves his body so he’s now lying down with one arm curling around your thigh, holding your lower body down. His eyes are clouded with lust, ready to finally show you what you’re missing.

Without another word from either of you he delves into your cunt, starting off by licking long stripes straight up to your aching clit, swirling the muscle is small circles. You can’t control the whimpers and moans escaping your mouth as Joel sucks on your throbbing nub, moving his skilled tongue round your sensitive bundle of nerves.

Joel’s examining every crease and face you pull, wanting to find the spot that makes your toes curl and back arch. It doesn’t take him long to have you moaning his name as he delves into your pussy, the sound of his mouth on you is down right dirty, making more wetness pool at your entrance. Joel makes sure he doesn’t miss a single drop, catching the arousal so it coats his tongue while his nose notches your clit.

“F-fuck Joel just like that fuck please d-don’t stop.” Your one hand has a firm hold on his arm while he continues to hold your body down, your other has landed into his salt and pepper hair, you tug hard on the strands causing Joel to let out a sinful growl. Once he’s got you worked up, he teases your entrance with his finger gently pushing it inside you.

His one finger instantly increases the intensity of the upcoming orgasm you feel building in your stomach. He gently curls his digit upwards, hitting your g-spot like he’s done it before, easily bringing you closer to your peak. Your breaths coming out in short pants, the feeling already feeling fucking incredible.

“J-Joel I fuck-.” His lifts his head slightly, your grip on his arm is tight, he removes your hand quickly, intertwining your fingers together to coats you through the orgasm that your about to have, your walls hugging his finger so tight, he can’t wait to feel you cumming around his cock. You can see the slight shine on his lips and beard from your arousal, the sight making you moan his name.

“Mm that’s it sweetheart, let go you can do it f’me, cum on my mouth, wanna taste it.” Joels words are the push you need to tip you over the edge. Just as you reach your high, Joel inserts another finger into your heat and dips his head down, bringing his tongue back down to your pulsing clit, sucking it into his mouth, pushing you over the edge.

Your orgasm rips through you and it’s the most intense feeling you’ve ever experienced. Your back arches off the floor and your body spasms as the pulsing pleasure courses through your entire body. Loud moans echoing through the cabin and Joel is yet to take his mouth and fingers off you, wanting you to feel every spark for as long as he can make it last.

Joel has never seen anything more beautiful than you cumming all over his mouth and fingers, your walls clenching round his digits as your body rapidly chases your high. He knew your pussy would taste so good and now he’s had a taste he knows he’ll never go a day without it, the sweet nectar coating his tongue and fingers as you wriggle above him. The sounds escaping your mouth is like a symphony to him, your soft voice now imprinted on his brain for the rest of his life.

Once he notices that your coming down from your high he slows down his fingers and watches your reaction for any sign of discomfort, hoping not to overstimulate you as he’s no where near done with you. His cock is fully hard and uncomfortable in his bottoms, pushing up to the denim of his jeans begging to be realised, his boxers now soaked with his pre-come. He desperately wants to pull his cock out but he’s worried he’ll push you too far. He needs to go your pace, he wants to try and take his time with you.

When you open your eyes Joel is now above you, both hands are planted on the side of your head as he watches you come back down to reality. His mouth and chin are covered in your arousal as a sly smirk appears on his face.

“Y’alright baby?” He’s just given you the most powerful orgasm of your life and he’s asking if you’re alright?

“I’m more than alright Joel—that was…fuck that was incredible.” You’re still trying to catch your breath as you bring both of your hands up to Joel’s face. You never thought you’d see him like this, shirtless and panting above you. You look down towards his tight jeans, his cock is practically bulging out of the seams. The imagine makes you even wetter as you take both hands off his face and start frantically undoing his belt.

Before you can remove it his hand stops you abruptly, you can’t hide the slight shock that appears on your face.

“Y’sure sweet? I know I said we would it’s just if we go a head with this I don’ think I can hold back.” Joel so badly wants to pull his cock out and stuff you full of his thickness and you can see it plastered all over his face. His eyebrows are furrowed, sweat appearing on his forehead and lips slightly parted. He’s caressing your hand that hasn’t moved away from his belt.

“I’m sure Joel, please— wanna feel you.” Joel looks away from you for a moment, he needs to calm himself down. Your voice and light touch is gonna make him cum in his pants if he doesn’t take his body away from yours right now. Your words are all he needs as he gently pushes your hand away and undoes his belt and jean buttons himself. His hands are shaking from the built up pleasure coursing through his veins and as soon as his buttons are undone he’s pulling his jeans and boxers down in one go, pulling his aching cock out.

You accidentally let out a harsh gasp. You knew Joel would be huge, how the hell is it going to fit inside you? The nerves start creeping back into your stomach at the imagine in front of you. He’s long and thick, pre-come is dripping out from his red tip and landing on your lower tummy.

Joel’s arousal pools on your stomach and makes your mouth water, you take one finger and slide it through Joel’s slick and bring it up to your mouth, swirling the digit across your lips and tongue, closing your eyes and moaning as the salty flavour coats your tastebuds.

Joel watches as you taste him. Throwing his head back and gripping the end of his cock to stop the orgasm that he’s about to reach and he’s not even inside you yet.

“Fuck baby don’t do that, m’ gonna cum if you do that again, need to feel you cum before I do, wanna feel you cum around my cock.” He quickly removes his bottoms completely and hovers above you once again.

You pop your finger out of your mouth, you can’t help the small smirk that lands of your face, you look back down at his cock, the need to have him inside you taking over completely.

“I’m ready Joel. Please-“ he takes both of your hands into his and brings them above your head, holding them in place, he knows he’s going to be a lot to take. That’s one thing Joel hasn’t ever been insecure about, he knows he big and he wants to make sure you can take him properly and make it pleasurable for you.

He grabs ahold of himself and gently moves his tip through your folds and up to your clit, causing the both of you to gasp at the sensation. Yours and Joel’s eyes and watching the scene between your legs, your wetness coating his cock nicely, the light from the fire reflecting your arousal that’s all over his shaft, he can feel your walls clenching on his tip already as he nudges his cock into your warmth.

“S-stop teasing Joel please.” Joel loves the pleading, the begging, the soft whimpers escaping your lips as he teases you. Looking into your eyes, he tightens his grip on your hands and slowly pushes his tip inside you. You gasp underneath him as he lets out a loud groan. He continues to push further into your cunt, stopping slightly to let you get used to his length and girth.

There’s a slight sting you can’t lie. However it doesn’t take you long to want more and more of him inside you, the feeling of his cock stretching you open feels like heaven, pain mixed with pleasure as he slowly inserts himself into you. Joel lowers his body so he’s now fully on top of you but not close enough to squish you. He brings his warm lips back down to your chest, peppering your skin with kisses.

“F-fuck baby y-you gotta stop clenching round me, y’gonna make me cum.” He’s panting against your chest, bringing his lips to your ear as he moans your name over and over. You slowly breath in and out, trying to relax your walls to help him slide his entire cock inside you. Once you get your breathing back to normal, Joel takes the opportunity to completely stuff his cock inside you. You yelp in surprise, Joel catching your lips in a messy kiss, swallowing your moans.

“You feel so good round me sweetheart, squeezin’ me real good, you’re such a good girl. Y’tell me when you’re comfortable.” Joel’s voice sounded strained as he stays still buried inside you. All he wants to do is pull himself out fully and plunge back in, needing to feel your soft, velvety walls against his cock, but he needs to take his time, you already feel so good he has no idea how he’s going to last.

“Y-you can move Joel, please move.” Squeezing his hand above you, he nods as he slowly pulls himself out so only half of him is wedged inside you and back in again. Creating a slow pace, rocking his hips back and forth, the hairs above his cock slightly catching your clit, the friction adding to the intensity.

After a few thrust you feel your walls starting to accommodate his length, his cock sliding so seamlessly inside you from how much arousal your pussy’s creating.

“Fuck baby, can I go faster? Wanna-fuck need to f-fuck you harder.” Joel let’s go of both of your hands and brings his fingers down to grip your breast. Squeezing the skin as he brings his lips to the side of you neck, switching between kissing and sucking. You hope he leaves marks on your skin, a constant reminder to how incredible he’s making you feel.

All you can do is nod against him, your words failing you and he’s wasting no time and starts fucking you at a hard pace. You tightly grip his shoulders, holding on for dear life as he thrust faster against you, your eyes rolling to the back of your head, the pleasure making your whole body tingle.

You need to feel him deeper, you wrap both legs around his lower back slightly lifting you hips up, you can feel him even better than before and Joel let’s out a low groan from the slight change in position, your walls enveloping his cock even more. He brings one hand down to your lower stomach and lightly presses down, feeling the tip of his cock so far up inside you intensifying the feeling, your orgasm building up rapidly.

“Y’feel that? You’re takin’ me so well, such a good girl. No cock will ever fill you this good. Y’mine now sweetheart, let me hear you say it.”

Joel is desperate to hear you say those words, he wants to know that you crave him as much as he craves you. His movement starts to get sloppy as your cunt hugs him so tightly, your warmth wrapped around him is too much to bare. He feels his high rapidly creeping in his lower stomach and all over his body, he starts slowing his breathing down, sucking short pumps of air into his lungs to prolong the feeling. He can tell you’re close too, he can feel your walls tightening around him with each thrust.

“Fuck J-Joel m’yours, I always have been.” You meet his lips in a rushed kiss, feeling his warm mouth against yours, still tasting your arousal on his tongue.

“Need you to cum sweetheart, need to feel you, please cum for me, show me how good my cocks making you feel.” He reaches down between your bodies and rubs your aching clit with the tip of his finger in small figure eights. This is the last push you need as you start cumming round his cock, your wetness pooling at his base and coating the inside of your thighs, clenching onto his shoulders as the intense wave of pleasure is released. You moan his name over and over, your walls spasming around his thickness.

“Mmm good girl fuck y’squeezin me so tight that’s it, fuck y’gonna make me cum.” Joel’s eyes are squeezed tight, forehead pressed against yours as he pushes you through your high. Once he feels you calm down he quickly pulls himself out of you, tugging at this cock until white ropes of his release coat your tummy. His hand is in a tight fist beside your head as his orgasm courses through his entire body. He hasn’t had an orgasm this intense in a long time, he’ll never get enough of the feeling of you wrapped round his cock. The most incredible feeling and now he’s hooked.

He collapses back on top of you, but not too much that he’s suffocating you, desperately needing to catch his breath. You run both hands through his hair, twisting the damp curls in between your fingers, a satisfied hum escaping your lips.

He brings his lips to yours in a gentle kiss, your stomach filling with butterflies as he looks at you, both of your bodies covered in sweat.

“Y’alright sweetheart?” He pushes the hairs that have landed on you forehead back behind you ears, slowly swiping his thumb against your flushed cheek. There’s no where you’d rather be right now, never thinking this would ever happen and it’s better than you imagined.

“Mmm I’m okay Joel, you okay?” He smiles down at you, kissing your plump lips.

“More than okay baby, fuck you felt incredible.” You blush at his words. After a few minutes he pulls his body off of you and you’re instantly missing his body over yours. He removes himself from your body and grabs a towel from the back to clean you up. Once he’s done that he gently picks you up from the floor and brings you both to the sofa, engulfing your body as he grabs the thick blanket from over the sofa and drops it over your naked bodies.

You both lie there in silence for a little, the sound of Joel’s heartbeat against your ear relaxes you. Slowly, you bring your hand to rest against just chest. Joel lightly lifts your chin forcing you to look at his face, bringing your lips down in a quick kiss, his voice bringing you back down to earth.

“I meant what I said before darlin’, I haven’t felt this way for someone in a long time n’ I wanna see where this takes us, I wanna do this properly.”

Where has this soft Joel been all your life? You place both hands against his chest and give him a soft smile.

“I meant what I said before too Joel, I’ve always been yours, the second I saw you I’ve been yours. I just wish we did somethin’ sooner, we could have been doing this a long time ago.”

Joel chuckles against you, his chest vibrating against your cheek. You’ll never get over the sound of his laugh.

“Oh don’t worry baby, we’ll make up for lost time. I’ve got so much more to teach you.”

You smirk against him.

“I can’t wait.”

🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

Thank you so much for reading! I know it’s not perfect but I know I’ll get there! Let me know what you think! I’ll be posting some more stuff soon 🤍

#joel miller fanfiction #joel miller one shot #joel miller smut #joel miller x f!reader #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal one shot #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal #joel miller x you #the last of us #the last of us smut #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us one shot #pedro pascal x reader #joel miller x reader #pedro pascal x female reader #joel miller x female reader

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theharpermovieblog · 10 months

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#HARPERSMOVIECOLLECTION

2023

I watched Subspecies V: Blood Rise (2023)

There are already 2 Subspecies on this year's list of films, so as much as I don't feel like watching this movie, I feel it's sadly necessary.

The Story of Radu's turn to vampirism and pure evil.

Director Ted Nicolaou and his cast, including series veterans Anders Hove and Denice Duff, really do love this series they've created. It might not be the most well made, well scored, best looking or most interesting series in the world, but there is a team of people who clearly put their hearts into this.

This fifth film in the series is a prequel to the previous four films. Focusing on the birth and life of the series' main villain Radu, before he becomes a vampire and his descent into soulless undying evil. It's not a completely uninteresting story, especially if you've watched the series up until now. It's not completely interesting either, as it can drag quite a bit at times. The action isn't exactly mesmerizing, and try as they might, the dialogue doesn't exactly engross the audience. It feels like a medieval script written for a highschool production. Some of the actors are also unable to handle this heavily dramatized dialogue.

This is absolutely the best looking film in the franchise. It still retains a bit of that cheap straight to video sensibility, but with the crisp veneer of current filmmaking technology.

The musical score, as in most full moon productions, is not great and feels constant. The quieter moments play so much better in comparison. As always, the Romanian landscapes add a bit of credence to this movie. At least it looks like they're really back in time.

Unfortunately, some stuff is coming off way funnier than it's meant to be. The sped up vampire movements and non practical effects feel extremely dated. I'm cool with the cheap practical effects, but cheap digital effects have never been in style. If they'd cut all the unnecessary flash movement and chose to hide the makeup a bit better with lighting, they could have had better impact. Or any impact other than negative.

And for fuck's sake, if you're making a medieval period piece, run the clothes through some dirt or something before putting them on screen. Make them look lived in. Why are these people wearing brand new cloaks and robes? Maybe the budget was so low they needed to keep the costumes clean to get their deposit back.

Anders Hove is really good in the role of Radu. He's naturally menacing and interesting to watch, both acting-wise and physically. He is definitely the one real reason this franchise has lasted.

Look, Subspecies is a franchise of B-level, straight to video horror films that won't even come close to blowing you away. But, I'll always argue that there is something about this series that holds a minor interest. I really love a vampire who is a true monster, in both personality and appearance. I like it's attempt at creating a lore for itself. I like that despite being a low budget Full Moon feature, it takes itself seriously and presents itself with a heavy tone. Is it too serious and too heavy for what it is? Probably, but I admire the refusal to change its ways through the decades.

Subspecies V won't upset anyone who likes these films. It fits right into the series.

Now I'm happily gonna leave the Subspecies series of films behind. Please don't make another one.

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soonyoullgetbetterx · 1 year

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March 14th, 2023 - 29 years

For some reasons unknown to me, I decided to give today a chance to give my journaling journey a shot. Okay, maybe not that mysterious. Today I had a lunch meeting with my supervisor. I've been feeling very nervous leading up to this meeting. Especially since I have no idea whether my contract will get renewed.

I discussed this with my therapist on March 11th, 2023 as well as trying to come up with back up plans just in case things turn sour. My therapist, being encouraging said it's probably not going to happen. Why bother setting up a lunch, away from the office, in the middle of a work day only to terminate you? Besides, what your supervisor said doesn't seem like a negative thing.

Me being me, resort to my pessimism and low expectations approach (being a pessimist at least I get to be right if the worst case scenario happens, or I could be happy if the good thing turned out to be true -basically the best of both worlds if you asked me).

Long story short, yay! It turned out to be a good news, I got a renewal offer. While I'm waiting for the official contract to be drafted, until I get to sign and submit it I'll still tread with caution. Again, just in case. But, yay! Great news! Especially since I don't really have any plans yet if I didn't get renewed. Phew.

Another thing I noticed today, my feelings, or at least some degrees of bodily sensations as well. After I received the good news, I noticed several changes such as: I became more talkative (could be because I'm getting comfortable with my supervisor after knowing them for 6+ months), my posture got straighter (no longer hunched like before), even my steps feel lighter.

After lunch, I noticed I feel some sort of a rush (which terrifies me, because it reminds me of my episodes) like I feel anything's possible and I want to see and buy things (I was in a mall). I put a stop to it though, stuck to the shopping list, window shopped for a bit, and headed home before giving it a chance to develop into anything else or something bad.

As I'm writing this out and rereading it again, I wonder if that's really a warning sign of an incoming episode, or..? If that's how happiness (or at least part of it) feels..? Since I rarely experience it, maybe I take that as a threat, something foreign, unfamiliar, that might ruin me. Especially, if the closest thing I've experienced is dubbed as an episode. My brain probably tried to make sense out of this foreign sensation and that's the closest it could come up with (which is devastating now that I think about it).

Since Sunday (March 12th, 2023) I've also started walking daily since my weight gain is going crazy. Hopefully, this helps me shred tons of pounds. It's been three days now and I'm still going -fingers crossed I'll make it to the end of the month at least.

As always, my AMAs and inbox are always open should you like to drop by for a chat!

Don't be a stranger,

soonyoullgetbetterx

#better soon x #my version #journal #journey

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crellanstein · 4 years

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Prodigious

I find it odd how the fandom focuses so much on Aang’s childhood being ruined when he learned he was the Avatar at 12, but there’s very little talk about how discovering she was the Avatar as a toddler affected Korra’s life and how she was raised.

But we’ll circle back to that...

Because this is a good starting point to talk about one of the most prevalent themes in the story, which the mainstream discussion of tends to only focus on a few characters -- That is the Child Prodigy.

We’ll start with the two most obvious. The ones we always talk about.

Azula.

The clearest example of your typical child prodigy (if there is anything typical about a prodigy). Azula showed early mastery of very advanced Fire-Bending techniques, and is the only Fire-Bender to use blue flames, which was intended to make her stand out amongst the other villains but is also indicative that her Fire-Bending is more pure and powerful (blue flame is produced when burning pure O2 or fuel without contaminant at a very high temperature).

All this lead to her being praised and favored by Ozai as a child, but as double-edged swords go, this also meant she had a lot of pressure on her shoulders to never fail, and she rarely did. Her ego matched her talent, and let’s be honest she was the baddest bitch the show had ever seen. Conquering Ba Sing Se, defeating the Avatar in combat, and dropping some of the most devastating lines of dialogue in villain history; she was a force nobody wanted to reckon with.

And that become a problem for one asshole in particular...

Being jealous of his own child is just one item on a laundry list of reasons why this guy is the worst father in the history of fathers. Azula had begun to outshine him with her victories, and Ozai’s maniacal ego couldn’t handle that, so he left her behind to babysit the Fire Nation while he went out to burn/conquer the world, which also was her idea.

And while this wasn’t the only thing that aided in her demise, it certainly was the final straw which sent her spiraling down into this...

In the end Azula is a sad example of how certain unfair expectations are placed upon talented children, and the more they succeed, the more these expectations grow and weigh on the them until they either disappoint those looking down on them or surpass and embarrass their elders.

It is a lose-lose situation which inevitably destroys them.

There is a similar example of the child prodigy, but his story goes a little different.

Aang.

Even as a twelve/thirteen year-old boy Aang by far has the most impressive stats among any character in the Avatar universe.

Basically mastering 3 of the 4 Elements in less than a year, after mastering Air by the time he is twelve (not to mention inventing his own Air-bending move, the Air scooter).

Aang is an example of a child prodigy who had too much thrust onto him at too young an age because of the talent he showed; because of this he panicked and ran away, and the world was worse off for it.

Aang/Sokka/Katara’s story is all about how in times of War, responsibilities normally handled by adults are pushed onto kids who then have to grow up very fast in order to deal with it all.

The message is clear. War robs the young of their childhoods.

Now, let’s talk about a different kind of child prodigy.

The Unacknowledged.

Yes, of course I’m talking about Toph, the greatest Earth-Bender to ever live.

Because of her blindness, Toph’s family tried to keep her sheltered and safe by hiding her from the world. Refusing to believe she could ever be more than helpless. Anyone who has seen the show knows that is far from the truth.

But because her potential went unseen, there were some negative effects to her personality. Initially, she resented her parents, and rebelled; which established a certain level of independence, a bad attitude, and a hot-headed streak. Over time spent with the Gaang these behaviors subsided because she finally had friends and they accepted her for who she was. By the end of the series she was fully willing to accept aid from them when she needed it, like holding on to Sokka’s arm in environment where her bending couldn’t help her “see”.

Toph’s story is a foil to Azula’s, both showed immense talent and badassery, but while recognition of Azula lead to ever-mounting pressure for her to succeed; the lack of recognition for Toph created a need for her to be acknowledged and set an undercurrent of frustration which leads to her acting out in the ways she does.

The lesson to take from Toph’s story is not to shelter your kid from the world out of fear for their safety, and to be open to recognizing their talents, not shun them.

Next are two more Unacknowledged.

Katara and Sokka.

Their story, and the reason behind their circumstances, is one of the more complicated and nuanced ones in the series, so here we’ll focus on how it fits into the subject of discussion.

Because of the War, Katara was robbed not only of her mother but also of any Southern Masters to train her, and any role models Sokka could have looked up to left with his father to fight. Because of this Katara’s potential and Sokka’s genius went unacknowledged not due to neglect but rather due to circumstance. (Yes, I think Sokka is a genius, how many 15 yr olds do you know that can plan an invasion, design submarines, and spit poetry off the cuff?).

This is a further example of how War robs kids of necessary childhood experiences, and these two robberies had particular effects on both Katara and Sokka’s character developments.

Sokka had the responsibility of protecting his home put upon him at a young age. The men of his tribe leaving prevented him from completing his rite of manhood until the Gaang ran into Bato of the Water Tribe, and early on Sokka was constantly trying to prove himself as a man and a leader. Sokka is one of the smarter characters of the series, but he rarely got credit for it until the third season. Not to mention that because he wasn’t a bender he often seemed less useful than the others. The circumstances of war made his talent go unnoticed and because of that he often was unsure of himself and overcompensated to prove something.

Speaking of talent going unnoticed.

Katara is definitely one of the more talented benders of the series. After training herself for years with little progress, she essentially mastered Water-Bending in a few weeks under Master Pakku. While her anger towards the Fire-Nation mostly centers around the loss of her mother, it can’t be ignored that the delay in her training was a direct result of the Fire-Nations’ actions. Toph’s anger and frustration vented itself as rebellion. However, the same frustration and anger is within Katara, but because she wasn’t as natural a bender as Toph she sought to learn and be respected, and when that was denied to her is when that anger bubbled to the surface in some terrifying ways.

While Toph’s talent went unnoticed because of her families neglect, Katara and Sokka’s wasn’t acknowledged because there was nobody to acknowledge it. Because of that both brother and sister wanted to prove themselves to the world.

And then there is Zuko.

I know what you’re thinking. Zuko wasn’t a prodigy, his Fire-Bending skill didn’t catch up with Azula’s until the finale and he never mastered Lightning-Bending, but this section is about the Unacknowledged.

Zuko had many other talents besides Fire-Bending, he was a master swordsmen, and was able to successfully break into every secure facility he attempted in the show (which was almost every secure facility the show featured). Unfortunately, these talents were never recognized, because the only thing the royal family cared about was bending ability (It’s possible the reason he learned the sword was because he lacked skill in Fire-Bending).

As per usual with Zuko, this part of his tale is quite sad. Many can relate to being outshined by a sibling, and when it becomes all too clear that one cannot match another’s talent it’s quite understandable to focus on what they do excel at, but even then there is no promise of recognition for their own talent. Zuko was even mocked by his father during the solar eclipse when Ozai tried baiting him into attacking with his swords.

This lack of recognition is one of many sad aspects of Zuko’s early life, but it is a definitive example of one of the hardest unacknowledged prodigy’s cross to bear. The Outshone prodigy, one whose talents are never noticed because a bigger and brighter star stands in the way of such recognition, and arguably the most frustrating type mentioned here. Toph/Sokka/Katara all came from situations were there was no recognition being given to them or anyone, but Zuko had to bear watching massive amounts of praise be piled on to his sister while he and his accomplishments went by the way side.

Ozai summed up the situation best.

“Azula was born lucky, Zuko was lucky to be born”

Alright now where have I been going with all this?

So, far we’ve covered a lot of wrong ways to treat a child, whether they show talent or not, and how the circumstances of war can also take many things from children.

But what happened to Korra?

(Before we get into to this I should state that I like Korra, and the purpose of this is not to bash her as a character or her arc, but rather to give a little of my insight into it.)

It’s well established that Aang was told of his heritage too young, and that was a detriment on his development into an adult, but what would have happened if he realized his powers himself not long after he could walk? We’ll never know, but we do get to see the effects it had on Korra.

When she revealed herself as the Avatar, Korra set her entire life in a new direction, and because Aang tasked the White Lotus with finding and training her that direction was out of her control. There are two key differences between Korras’ and other Avatars’ lives.

1. She grew up in isolation on a White Lotus compound.

Every Avatar before Korra we know of spent a portion of their early lives traveling the world in order to master the elements; along this journey they not only learned how to bend the other 3 elements, buy also many things about the 3 other nations and the world they are tasked to protect as a whole. By confining Korra in safety and bringing the masters to her the White Lotus deprived Korra of this opportunity to learn and grow and understand the world and the people within in. It also deprived her of learning modern bending styles until she reached Republic City.

While this might have kept Korra safe from the Red Lotus, it grew within her a naiveté about how the world worked, and because of this when she actually did venture out into the world she was terribly unprepared for it.

2. She was trained and mastered 3 of the elements by the time she was 16.

Most Avatars don’t know they have this power until they reach 16 and then they spend several years learning to control it. Korra’s natural talent in the bending lead to her training being expedited not by necessity like Aang’s, but due to her talent and eagerness. Korra excelled at the physical part of being the Avatar and because of this by the time she reached maturity she had become over-confident in her abilities and true to what her Fire-Bending master said in Ep.1 she lacked restraint.

I’m not saying her bending isn’t great, but rather because it is so great it’s her go-to solution to anything, and she enjoys that so she uses it with enthusiastic gusto and not a lot of thinking before striking.

This overconfidence coupled with her naiveté of the world is what lead to many of her rash decisions and actions, most of which had negative consequences, and I believe are the reason behind some fan are dissatisfied with her. Aang had been almost the complete opposite, even by the age of twelve he was an experienced world traveler and an incredibly humble guy.

Some may have been dissatisfied by these character decisions, but they served a purpose, they are only the beginning of her arc. The internal challenge Korra must overcome through 4 seasons is to humble herself before the world, and learn from it. This was finally achieved in the 4th season when the metal poisoning in her body forces her to face others in the world as equals, only then had she completed her journey.

And why did it all go this way?

Because she is a very unique child prodigy, what she demonstrates in the first episode of LOK would be akin to a toddler playing the violin or hitting a three-pointer; she could bend 3 elements close to just after learning to walk. That is the kind of prodigious talent rarely seen because it is mostly impossible. How does a rational person handle a child like that?

It’s a tough question, and something this essay has been circling around the whole time. Each example here is the wrong way to handle talented and different children, but what is the right way?

As always look to Iroh.

Who treated his surrogate son Zuko with both respect and compassion.

Unlike Toph’s parents, Iroh worried over Zuko’s well being, but also allowed him to be independent, make his own decisions, and take his own risks.

Unlike the Nomad Leaders, he didn’t want Zuko weighed down by his position in the world and the responsibility that came with, and always encouraged him relax and take advantage of the moment.

Unlike Ozai, Iroh would always be there to support Zuko in his victories and his failures. Iroh shows him the right path but does not force him down it.

And even after Zuko betrayed and abandoned him.

Iroh was never angry with him, and embraced him upon his return.

He wanted Zuko to grow and be a better man. Even if Zuko wasn’t a prodigy like his sister.

And that is the answer here. The way to raise a prodigy is the same way anyone should raise any child. Love, Support, a Guiding Hand rather than a Forceful Shove, Recognition of What Makes Them Unique, and Forgiveness When They Falter. The problem comes along when you start treating children differently because you see them as different or special. All children are different, all children are special.

Kids are kids, and they all deserve a proper childhood.

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bigskydreaming · 3 years

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Brain topic du jour is reflecting on the frankly weird as fuck pattern in Dick’s life where....he barely ever experiences losses one at a time. Most of the loss he’s experienced in his life is compounded by him losing multiple people and other elements of stability all at the exact same time.

1) When his parents died, in some continuities this is coupled with him losing his extended family of his aunt and cousin as well, with his uncle left comatose and on life support for years before he eventually died as well. Even in continuities without Richard, Karla and John, the loss of Dick’s parents is compounded by the additional loss of his circus family in the sense that he was taken away from them by the state and their constant reassuring presences in his life were no longer comforts he was able to rely on.

2) When Jason died, Dick didn’t just lose his brother, as the tragedy was compounded by Bruce’s reaction. I’ll never be able to gloss over the effects of NTT #55, personally, because I think its too key to Dick’s entire characterization and the specific direction his character took in the years that followed this, to like....disregard that Bruce however unintentionally, while lost in his own grief, added to Dick’s own sense of loss for Jason in probably the worst way possible. As by kicking Dick out and telling him to leave his keys, Dick - having no way to know or guess that they’d ever reconcile, just like he never actually went back to the circus being a regular presence for him - to Dick, this was in essence the equivalent of his childhood tragedy all over again. Losing not just one family member, but his whole family in one sweep, and all the comforts and stability offered by a home he was forced to leave. Even Dick’s contact with Alfred was minimal for awhile, because why would the guy who basically JUST saw history repeat itself and was like, well I know how THIS tends to play out.....why would he think that if Alfred felt forced to actually choose between his loyalties to Bruce and Dick respectively, that Alfred would pick Dick over the man he’d known and raised from childhood himself?

3) Titans Hunt. I know I harp on this one a lot, but you can’t deny that it fits the pattern. Dick didn’t just lose one friend and teammate.....he lost Joey, he lost a good four or five lesser known Titans who nevertheless were people he viewed as directly HIS responsibility to keep safe. With these tragedies compounded by the fact that though comics played out a lot more slowburn and extended stories over years back then, like.....the aftermath of Titans Hunt was still everpresent and directly died into Dick’s reactions and emotions during the Mirage storyline and everything that happened with the failed wedding and his breakup with Kory AND the fact that he was literally forced off the team he’d basically founded, by the government agency that took over the team and appointed Roy as its leader in his stead.

3) Graduation Day. The second time the Titans disbanded it was again not due to a singular loss, because Dick didn’t just lose Donna at this point, but also Lilith died in the exact same story and though Lilith is criminally underused, like, she’s also one of Dick’s oldest friends. She was literally the first Titan to join after the original five. This then led into the Outsiders era, where Dick was shown to still be reeling from the losses of this story for an extended period of time, and in a fun parallel to the Titans Hunt aftermath, Dick was also ousted from his leadership of THIS team by essentially a vote of no confidence by his teammates (and uh, Bruce too, literally).

4) The Blockbuster arc. Where Dick’s emotional state was due to a continued string of multiple losses. He lost his apartment building and almost every one of the neighbors he’d built a community out of, as we’d been shown him actively involving himself in their lives and vice versa for YEARS before this point. Then he lost his circus, his childhood home, burned to the ground and with dozens of deaths - both spectators and actual performers Dick had known and loved as a child. Then he lost his relationship with Barbara, his sense of self-security and autonomy to Tarantula, he lost another teen vigilante who died in his colors, the mantle HE’D created, when Stephanie was believed dead in War Games, and it all culminated in losing the city he’d invested himself in as his CHOSEN home, the place he dedicated himself to protecting, when Chemo blew it up.

Oh just for the record - my nonexistent passport to the magical kingdom of Narnia for a fic that raises the point when bringing up Tim’s losses in the Red Robin era, that like.....ALL of the above happened at literally the EXACT SAME TIME as all Tim’s referenced losses occurred. Obviously Steph meant more to Tim than Dick on a personal level, but I also included her largely as an anchor point to the timeline, to show how that death, and not long after that Jack Drake’s and then Superboy’s.... occurred right smack in the middle of one of the absolute WORST periods of Dick’s life. To be clear, I don’t intend this to suggest that no actually, Dick had it harder than Tim - nah.

No thank you. Hard pass. I hate that sort of thing even in support of my own faves over other characters. No, instead the thing I’d love to see explored more is just in light of the SPECIFIC angle fics take here - that Dick’s actions while Bruce was lost in time showed an obliviousness to everything Tim had lost lately - for literally ANYONE to bring up or introduce into the timeline here an awareness of everything Dick had lost AT THE EXACT SAME TIME PERIOD. To establish that actually, Dick didn’t just ‘not understand what it was like’ - rather, its more accurate to say that nobody in universe around this time ever shows an awareness of Dick’s own losses and says oh wait, that doesn’t track then.

Because obviously, with this stuff put in proper perspective, Dick understands VERY VERY WELL the exact thing we’re accusing him of not understanding by being oblivious to Tim’s losses that he’s not actually oblivious to because he tries to talk to Tim about them all the time, while meanwhile its everyone else who has absolutely mum to say about the fact that Dick’s emotional state is compromised to hell and back at this point, not JUST because of losing Bruce, but also because *gestures wildly* literally ALL OF THE ABOVE in the exact same time frame Tim’s extended losses happened in.

And okay I am going to indulge in slight tiny itty bitty pettiness and point out my ire that so many fics set during this time tend to recite listicles of Tim’s losses, with Steph, Kon and Jack Drake at the very top of said list....while paying no attention whatsoever to the fact that STEPH WAS LITERALLY BACK BY THE TIME THE RED ROBIN SERIES HAPPENED. She’s LITERALLY a person Dick sends to check up on Tim after Tim turns Dick away when he tries himself. How are you gonna stress the impact Steph’s loss has on Tim when you’re not even acknowledging STEPH’S RIGHT HERE IN THE EXACT SPECIFIC CANON STORY YOU’RE CITING??? I just. afhioskhflafhlafhklfahlfa.

And not to put too fine a point on it, but you know who ELSE was also back at the same time? CONNOR. Superboy LITERALLY was already back to life by the time the Red Robin series even began. Like, the issue where a resurrected Kon and Cassie (Wonder Girl) have a heart to heart about the fact that Tim and Cassie ‘connected’ during his absence and Connor stresses that this doesn’t bother him or make him feel negatively towards either of them at all, because hello, he was literally dead at the time, why would he mind that two of the people he loves most in the world sought comfort in each other? Yeah, that issue? Literally came out BEFORE Tim even became Red Robin.

I MEAN. I’m just saying, when people constantly take shots at Dick’s choices during this period because of how much Tim had lost before Bruce already, in order to shift focus away from the fact that Dick lost Bruce every bit as much as Tim did......and you repeatedly emphasize the SAME three names as the focal point of Tim’s losses while paying no acknowledgment whatsoever to everything Dick lost at the exact same time Tim lost these three.....it quickly becomes kiiiiiiinda relevant in my opinion THAT TWO OF THE THREE NAMES CONSTANTLY MENTIONED AS BEING TIM’S LOSSES ARE NO LONGER EVEN LOST BY THE TIME THE SUBJECT COMES UP. Again, I’m just saying! Pettily, mind you! I am aware of the pettiness, I just beg awareness of like *again gesticulates wildly at all of the above* ALL THAT!

LOL.

But I digress.

5) When Bruce was believed dead while he was lost in the timestream. Again, Dick didn’t just lose the father who had been the only parent in his life for almost TWICE as long as his first parents......this was coupled with the loss of numerous other sources of stability in Dick’s life. There’s the matter of his personal sense of identity and self-expression....Dick FOUGHT against becoming Batman, trying to handle Gotham in Bruce’s absence as Nightwing for as long as he could, because he knew being Batman was very much NOT going to be good for him. He put so much of himself into building his identity as Nightwing, establishing himself in that role, that self-image, that yes, I maintain it was an actual LOSS for Dick, to feel like he had no choice but to give that up and everything it meant to him and his own life, in order to essentially live Bruce’s life for him in his absence.

Because it wasn’t just being Batman that Dick was struggling with at this time....he also had to act as the patriarch to the Wayne family, essentially raise Bruce’s ten year old son, step into Bruce’s old role in Wayne Enterprises, all while getting no acknowledgment for any of this, for literally LIVING his father’s life instead of the life Dick had worked so hard to build for HIMSELF....because of course Dick’s actions and struggles couldn’t even be advertised beyond the family and close friends, because the whole point of him doing all this was so that nobody else even realized that Bruce wasn’t really there anymore. Dick didn’t just assume Bruce’s responsibilities. Dick assumed Bruce’s life, so thoroughly that most people didn’t even put together that Bruce was ‘dead,’ between Dick handling Bruce’s actual roles and responsibilities while Hush made public appearances as him.

Like, when you’re living someone else’s life so completely that nobody can tell they’re even gone....how on earth does that leave any time or space for you to have ANY kind of life of your OWN, y’know? Not to mention the fact that like in so many times previously....all this meant that Dick couldn’t even afford to let his grief for his own losses show, because he wasn’t supposed to be grieving any losses in the first place, that was the whole point of the con!

Additionally, couple this with the fact that throughout this time period, Dick didn’t have Tim to lean on at all, because it was never that Dick kicked Tim out or neglected him or didn’t care....he’d actively stressed how much he needed Tim, because the partner Tim was convinced Dick chose ‘over’ him - Dick was the first one to admit back then that he DIDN’T trust Damian yet, couldn’t afford to, because he was all too aware that Damian didn’t give a fuck about him yet and couldn’t be guaranteed to step in to have Dick’s back - because that required mutual trust that Dick literally just hadn’t had time to build yet. And add to THAT the fact that during this time, Jason was actively antagonizing the family and Dick in particular at every turn, trying to bring them all down and basically write over what all of them saw as Bruce’s legacy with Jason’s own version of what he thought that should look like.

Also also, take into account that unlike how often we see fanon depict Dick as just too stubborn or proud to ask for help, there’s the fact that he actually had very few avenues TO ask for help! As already established, he DID ask Tim for help. Not like Jason was an option at this time, and Dick’s friends weren’t actually just sitting waiting in the wings and groaning about the fact that Dick was trying to do all of this solo....nah, they kinda had their own problems, which Dick was all too aware of?

Like the fact that in the wake of Final Crisis, it wasn’t just Bruce that was believed lost. Many other key Leaguers like Martian Manhunter were dead or lost, with others struggling to fill the gaps left in their absence. Cry For Justice happened right after Final Crisis too....that story where Lian was murdered? So it wasn’t like Dick was remotely going to try leaning on Roy when Roy had just lost his freaking DAUGHTER and very much wasn’t handling it well (and not to overshadow Roy’s loss at ALL, but please let’s not act like Dick - who had literally been the person to put a baby Lian in Roy’s arms for the first time and had known that girl for pretty much her entire life - like, it shouldn’t be used to detract from Roy’s loss at all, but it shouldn’t have to, to just acknowledge that Lian’s loss right at this exact time was painful as fuck to Dick, who’d loved his niece like crazy.)

The pattern of compounding, concurrent losses in Dick’s life. I’m just saying. Its there.

And it extends into the New 52 as well, where Forever Evil came right on the heels of Dick losing his circus in THIS continuity to the Joker, just as a way to hurt him in Death of A Family. And with the aftermath of Forever Evil and Dick’s own literal death, being like....the complete loss of Dick’s entire life, even though he was revived quickly. That didn’t mean he got to live HIS life though, since Dick Grayson was believed dead and he was told had to remain so, so its like fuck whatever he actually wanted to do as he went about on the Spyral mission aka something that pinched his own sense of morality and personal agenda at every turn and was kinda the last thing a therapist would recommend for a trauma recovery period, lol. And like, for all the focus that was paid to how Dick’s family were hurt because they believed they’d lost him when he was actually alive, let’s not forget that for all intents and purposes, Dick DID lose his family in the wake of his resurrection because he was flat out told over and over that due to what ‘he’d LET happen to him’ he was an ACTIVE danger to them, and thus wasn’t allowed by Bruce to contact any of them or lean on them to any degree, until Bruce got amnesia and stopped blocking Dick’s pleas to return home by just not being there to pick up the secret phone line at all.

(And omg, the obliviousness that just EMANATES off the hot takes that Dick had a ‘choice’ in all this and he still CHOSE to do what Bruce told him....like. LOLOL, stop being pissy about me bringing up the term abuse apologism when its literal victim blaming to paint the guy who had to be beaten into ‘agreeing’ to the Spyral mission in the immediate wake of the trauma of DYING, all while his father vocally blamed him for his own suffering and the ‘threat’ he now posed to his family, keying directly into the guilt complex Bruce knows damn well is at the core of most of Dick’s motivations.....fucking please. There’s no choice in all that. That’s active emotional, mental and physical abuse aimed at directly manipulating Dick’s actions, delivered by the guy who knows Dick best in the world and whose approval - particularly when Dick is at absolute rock bottom aka Current Location - matters more to Dick than just about anything because his sense of self-worth has more in common with dog shit than actual dog shit does. Or something. Idk. That analogy got away from me. But like. You get it.)

BUT. I. DIE. GRESS. (I guess).

Aaaaaaanyway, so yeah! That repeating pattern throughout Dick’s life of ‘loss? What loss (singular)? My losses only come in groups, lolol, fuuuuuun’ - mmmm. Yeah. So that’s what’s on MY brain right now. Thoughts?

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