Begin Again
an: this has been a long time in the making and I think it's a favorite of mine.
Pairing: Peter Parker X Mean!Reader
Genre: Angst, fluff, enemies to lovers.
CW: harsh language, mental breakdowns, mentions of cheating (not peter)
Word Count: 24K
Summary: You've lived next door to Peter your whole life and the last nine years you've detested him. Now you're going through a breakup and it's nice to know someone's awake with you. Even if it is Peter Parker.
Breakups suck.
Thatâs it. Thatâs the whole message. Thereâs nothing else to add, except youâd never let yourself love again. Itâs not like you didnât know it wasnât going to happen, you were aware the entire year what it would lead into, but hasnât every girl sworn, at least once, they were the exception to a boys rule?Â
Natalie Greeneâs voice echoed in your mind, âdonât get involved with a senior boy. They move on and youâre left picking up the pieces in homeroom.â You didnât listen. You got involved and it was a good year, you knew he was going to college and when he left the break up was inevitable. Still, it didnât hurt as hard until three months into the school year he called and said he met someone else.Â
You wish you werenât so kind and understanding to him.
You called Natalie Greene the second it ended, she picked up and that angel voice of hers shined through the phone. She asked âhello?â three times before you sobbed. You could feel the empathy in her tone, âhe ended it, huh?â All you could do is squeak back, âstay right there babe, Iâm on my way with the break up kit.â Â
She showed up with a stray grocery bag. âalright,â she stated, hands on her hips.Â
âI got ice cream, a super soft blanket, movies - of all genres, face masks, a lighter-âÂ
âWhy do you have a lighter?âÂ
Natalie rolls her eyes with a goofy grin, âto burn stuff, duh.â
The gesture was nice, but you couldnât focus on the movie.
It felt like everytime you blinked there were tears that would find themselves tracking down your cheeks, you sniffled occasionally and blankly stared at the screen; flashbacks clouding your mind. Each kiss, each laugh, each touch, every fight and makeup, the first time you felt someone's hips melt into yours.Â
A supercut of every moment.Â
You were replaying a thousand things and all he was thinking about was the new girl under him, you were angry at everything all at once. Angry at yourself for letting yourself get hurt and feeling this much pain, because you knew it was coming, it was the whole agreement when it started. Angry at him for not breaking his promise and loving you anyway, angry at him for not telling you heâd wait for you and everything would be okay.Â
Angry that you hate him and yourself but more angry how quickly youâd fall back into him if he called.Â
âI knew this was gonna happen, Nat.â You sniff, a cry bubbles from your throat, âso why does it hurt so bad?âÂ
Your friend frowns, sheâs no savor to heartbreak. Sheâs been where you are more times than one could take, she still loves with her whole heart and you donât know if you could ever do it again. Natalie wraps her arms around your shoulders while you shake with a sob, you cry into her knowing you're matting her blonde hair but she just pats you and holds you close.Â
âBecause even though the ending was coming it didnât feel real until the book closed. And maybe a little bit because you hoped heâd change his mind.âÂ
You gasp, âhow do I get past this? Nat, it feels..âÂ
Youâre tugged into her so tight you can feel her collarbone against your cheek, âlike youâre dying? Yeah, that happens. But, youâll live. It doesnât feel like it now, but the day will come where you can think about him, smile, and thank him for the opportunity.âÂ
You snort, âfor breaking my heart?âÂ
Natalie Greene holds you as tight as she can, âfor making you grow.âÂ
Your shoulders feel like theyâre falling behind you as you inch along the hallway, everything feels heavy. Your feet are like lead blocks, and your heart feels like itâs been tied down with an anchor. It hurts more to know heâs not aching like this, he has someone new to keep him busy.Â
Blinking at your locker you fight back a yawn, two weeks after heartbreak and it still feels the same. You sleep like shit, tossing and turning and weird dreams when you finally dozed off. The one thing thatâs helped keep your mind away from him, was your neighbor. Every night, at 3:02 am, on the dot, you hear the same movements.Â
A window slams shut, two soft hops on the floor and three bumps against the wall.Â
For six nights straight you kept count, it was methodical. A nightly routine, you werenât sure what he was doing, but it was something. It made your mind wonder, your most recent theory was that he was a smoker; weed, cigarettes or whatever, and he would blow smoke out his window before landing in bed.Â
Maybe his bed was against your wall and thatâs why you heard so many small knocks.Â
Last night you stayed up, you waited and right on the minute, like you expected, you heard a window slam shut. A small grin crossed your face, not at him, but at the idea of a constant. You lost your reliable figure, heâs thousands of miles away with his own new person, but tonight, and for the last seven nights youâve had something to rely on. Something that couldnât go anywhere.Â
You blink and suddenly youâre staring at your open locker, you donât even remember putting in the combination. On autopilot you grab what you need for your next three classes and shrug your backpack down. Lately, it seemed like everything moved in slow motion.Â
âAre we ready to go to Flashâs party friday and makeout with a rando or are we still numb to everything?âÂ
Natalie smiles at your figure, when you slouch and give her a âhey, Nat,â her blonde hair bounces as she nods her head understandingly, âstill dead to the world, understandable.âÂ
âAt this point Iâd do heroin to feel something,â your deadstare makes her think you might be serious. âTell you what, if youâre still this miserable in six weeks, weâll do it together.âÂ
Your eyebrow quirks, âyouâd do heroin with me if Iâm still this miserable?âÂ
Natalie Greeneâs hand sticks out, her eyes ferocious. You know immediately she has something up her sleeve.Â
âSix weeks, starting today.âÂ
You have nothing else to go on except the nightly wake up call and Natalie Greeneâs plan.Â
âSix weeks.âÂ
Itâs solidified with a handshake, your fingertips turn white in her hold.Â
WEEK ONE.
Natalie Greene had talked you into going to Flashâs party, not to makeout with anyone, she quickly withdrew that from the table. You had been very hesitant at first, pushing at every restraint and reason to why you shouldnât go and she stopped you right there. Manicured hand and all, petite and poised, she stopped your path.Â
âHereâs why you should go: get fucking wrecked, absolutely smashed and let it all out. I promise you, babe, it feels so, so good.âÂ
âYou think that will make me feel better? Getting hammered at a house party on a friday night?â
âIâll take care of you for the night, okay? Iâll get you drunk and you can cry or scream or whatever you want. Let go of anything youâre holding back, thatâs why you should go.âÂ
You look her over, sheâs been your rock the last three years in the school. Natalie is different, she protects and cares for herself like she does someone else. She also gives out more of her heart than she should, but she appreciates the burn it leaves. She tells you itâs one more ache preparing her for the one who would never make it hurt again.Â
If Natalie Greene says itâll help, youâll listen.Â
âYouâll drive me home and take care of me the next morning? Hungover and all?âÂ
A denim jacket covered shoulder shrugs, âI think itâs time I repay you for all these years.âÂ
For the first time in two weeks a real smile crosses your face, itâs small but itâs there.Â
Flashforward two days later, youâre eight drinks in and feeling like youâre flying.Â
You sway against your friend, âand he,â you hiccup, âhe said he was like, soooo in love with me but then like, fuckin four days later,â it took you a moment to hold up the correct number on your hand, âboom, no boyfriend.â Natalie tried to hold back a laugh but her cheeks blew up when she let it escape, you pulled the most comical âwhat the fuck?â face.Â
âI mean who the fuck does that- a sick person. Thatâs who! And- And you know what?â you hiccup, âI thought Iâd be sad, but I just kinda hate him, does that make me bad?âÂ
âNah, I had some that killed me inside and some that I just shrugged off. Some moved in waves. One minute Iâd say âfuck him!â and the next Iâd be overwhelmed with sadness because I didnât have anyone to hold me anymore.âÂ
You blink at her words and swallow the rest of your cup, you hadnât thought about that part yet. Not having anyone to call yours anymore, thatâs the hardest hitting part. You really, really wanted to call him. Just one more time, maybe he misses you just as much, maybe he doesnât know how to say sorry, maybe heâs waiting for you to call.Â
âI should call him, right?â Your hands fumble at your pockets, your friend panics and grabs at your arms. âNo! No, no, no! You absolutely should not call him!â You whine, âbut what if he-âÂ
Natalie grabs you tight, it makes you look at her confused. Her tone takes a sharp turn, she breaks through your drunken stupor in a second.Â
âHeâs not. Heâs not thinking about you, heâs not missing you, heâs not sitting around wishing youâd call him, heâs just not. He broke up with you, you donât do that if you still care. Donât do that to yourself, it ended mature. You have to be mature now.âÂ
Brutal honesty. It puts everything in perspective.Â
He didnât miss you, and that⊠really, really hurt.Â
Natalie was right, it comes in waves. Because there comes that sadness, it starts with small blinks and suddenly fat tears skip down your cheeks. âYouâre right! He, he doesnât-â you take harsh breaths, for the first time in two weeks you had a full breakdown. Everything you held back bottled over, you didnât know how you could hold in so much hurt.Â
âOkay, okay. Letâs go, we can cry in the car but not here.âÂ
Your breath shook the entire way to the car, the moment you sat in the passenger seat you cried. Your voice cracked, âhe said he loved me!â Natalie nodded, cranking the engine, âAnd Iâm sure he did, babe. Sometimes these things run their course and itâs no one's fault.âÂ
It went like that the entire car ride, until she stopped at a McDonald's and got you a milkshake so you could focus on getting the liquid up the straw instead of saying the same three things on a loop. Once you got fries in your mouth the thought of him was erased from your mind, choosing to sing loudly and stick your head out the window on the way back.Â
Stumbling and giggling quietly at the late hour while you swayed on the walk to your door, you stretched freely and yawned when you stumbled in. Home alone for the weekend, just how it should be. âIâm getting naked,â you started stripping while walking to your room to change into pajamas, your heart lurches when you see one of his shirts.Â
You flop backwards on your bed, the room slightly spins and you close your eyes tight trying to ground yourself. Wriggling into the sheets you sigh, and yawn again. Your head buries into a pillow and sleep is imminent.Â
âSleepy?âÂ
Natalie Greene stands in the doorway with water and some advil, you smile and pat your bed, inviting her to join.Â
âNatalie Greene, you are so great, did you know that?âÂ
Your friend laughs, you nuzzle into her hand while she strokes your hair, âI did, but a reminder is always nice. Go to sleep, babe. Iâll make toast in the morning.âÂ
Her gentle touch makes it easy, you yawn one more time. Your voice flutters while you talk into sleep.
âDo me a favor?âÂ
âAnything,â she whispers. You donât think he ever loved you this soft. Â
âMake sure he gets home for me.âÂ
Natalie Greene asked who but all she received were soft snores.Â
The birds were screaming the earth back awake.Â
At least thatâs how it felt, your ears were ringing and there was a dull, present thud in your head. The sunlight has never been so bright, you hold your eyes shut but the ache gets louder and you canât get comfortable.Â
Thereâs two pills and half a glass of water waiting for you, god bless Natalie Greene.Â
âGood morning, sunshine!â You wince and choke on your gulp of water, a knife has pierced your eardrum. âOh my god, everything is on dial eleven, I think Iâm dying.âÂ
âHow are you feeling? Besides the obvious, I mean.âÂ
She means about him, you take a moment to really think about it.Â
âI think⊠I think Iâm doing okay.âÂ
Your friend smiles and throws her hair into a ponytail, âgood, Iâm making breakfast. Come join.âÂ
After ten minutes and infinite pep talk you rise on shaky knees, stumbling towards your door and barely making it to the couch where you spread wide and gulped for air. Your friend snorted at your exaggeration over her shoulder and carefully walked towards you with a piping mug of tea.Â
Sitting up you bring a blanket over your shoulders, you squint at her before taking the handle. Taking a sip while you turn the TV on, searching for a midmorning throwaway show. A re-run of The Wendy Williams Show wins, you rest your head on a cushion and stare blankly at the screen. Natalie Greene humming up a tune in the kitchen.Â
You hadnât even checked your phone yet, âwhat time is it?âÂ
âNoon thirty.âÂ
Your eyes widen, âmy god,â you mumble to yourself.Â
Listening to Wendy your eyes lull shut and suddenly you're sinking back into sleep, you roll over and smack your dry lips. Until your friend is kicking at your shin with two plates in her hands, stacked full of the breakfast nines.Â
Your queasy stomach grumbles and any drowsiness is ripped away with hunger. Nearly drooling, you stuff a piece of french toast in your mouth and moan, âNat, youâre the greatest thing I got.â She bounces her shoulder into yours, âI know.â Â
You fall into silence while you scarf breakfast down, booing and applauding when deemed necessary by Wendy. Leaning back you rest your hands over your full belly and pat gently. Swiping your tongue over your gums for any crumbs, you sigh happily.Â
âHey, what did you mean last night? You said to let you know if he got home safely.âÂ
You wave her off, âdrunk stupidness, I hear my neighbor every night around the same time moving around. This last week, I dunno, it felt nice knowing someone else was up too?âÂ
âHave you ever-âÂ
Both your necks turn to look at the front door then back at each other, the knocking that caught your attention continues.Â
âWhoâs-âÂ
âDid you-âÂ
You swallow and stand up, not so shaky anymore. Looking through the peephole your forehead hits the door at the sight of said neighbor, you know what they say about devils and appearing, groaning you take a moment to collect yourself and open the door.Â
âWhat do you want, penis?âÂ
Peter Parker in all his glory, is knocking at your door with a plate of⊠cookies?Â
Neighbors forever, close pals never. Youâd played together as kids, mostly elementary age but since you were eight youâve had a disdain for Peter Parker. Youâre not sure where it went wrong, but just looking at him you wanted to roll your eyes.Â
âI was going to say, âwow, how could a guy ever dump you?â but now, Iâd say thatâs how.âÂ
Normally that wouldnât hurt, but the recent circumstances made it a cheap shot.Â
âIs this your sorry attempt to be a rebound? Because if it is, I want to make it extremely clear Iâd rather eat glass than-âÂ
The plate is shoved into your face, âMay had me bring these over, she said your mom told her youâve been a weepy, miserable mess because some dickhead thought he found someone better.âÂ
You huff at him, your fingers wrap around his wristwatch as you pull it down, all you heard was weepy and miserable.
âI know you wouldnât know anything about someone loving you but-âÂ
âIs that Peter B. Parker?âÂ
Natalie Greene reminds you of your hangover in record timing, you wince at her shriek. Peter gives a polite, dare you say charming (?) smile. It makes you fight back a gag, âhello, Natalie Greene.â Her eyes flash from his, to the plate, to the cracked open door across the hall and she gets a wicked grin.Â
The person youâve hated and bickered with the most is suddenly the one you listen out for in the middle of the night. The look on her face, the glance she shared with you, proved she knew.Â
âCookies?â Natalie nudges your arm, âhe brought cookies and heâs right across the hallway, how nice.âÂ
Peterâs oblivious to her tone, he has his goofy smile on and it makes you seeth. Heâs always so god damn happy, itâs annoying.Â
âWell, actually, my aunt made them. But I am delivering, so I can accept some praise.âÂ
She laughs, full on cackles and nudges you again.Â
âYou know, in all the times you talked about Peter you never mentioned how funny he was!âÂ
You donât know what sheâs playing at but youâre shutting it down immediately.Â
Peter looks at you, he seems almost hopeful and you have to settle the urge to toss the plate to the ground. âYou talk about me?âÂ
You cross your arms and sneer, âdonât worry, nothing good.âÂ
His smile drops, âyeah, sorry. I donât know why..â his curls bounce as he gently shakes his head before pushing the glass into your chest. âHere, eat as many as it takes to feel somewhat okay again.âÂ
You grip the plate and look down, theyâre your favorite.Â
âWe, um. We have more over here, so if you want more. Or if you wanna hang out or something Iâm here, soâŠâÂ
Peterâs never been a friend like this before and it was some pity party you wanted no part of now.Â
âItâs a breakup. Iâm sure I can manage without you just fine.âÂ
His eyebrows turn in, âright. I just thought- nevermind, enjoy the cookies.âÂ
Natalie gives him a sympathetic frown and sulks back inside, you keep your glare on his figure until he reaches his door. As youâre about to retreat he stops in the doorway, âfor what itâs worth, I think heâs stupid and heâs gonna realize what he lost when itâs way too late.âÂ
Itâs almost nice, sometimes it sucks when the person youâre supposed to hate has human peek through their armor.Â
Too bad youâre more guarded than ever.Â
âWell, then. Itâs a good thing youâre not worth much.âÂ
Maybe itâs his resilience that troubles you, no matter how hard you push him away or beat him down with words heâll pick himself back up and hand your words back in a package of self reflection.Â
Today is no exception, Peter flashes you a sad smile, this one actually is filled with pity.Â
âIâm sorry youâre hurting,â you didnât have a chance to fire back. His door was already shut.
Heartache throbbed but the cookies were damn good.Â
On your third, you down half a cup of milk. You reach for a fourth and Natalie hasnât said one word. Instead she cleaned the kitchen and packed up her overnight bag, before settling next to you for an episode of Jerry Springer and her own deserved treat.Â
âSo, do tell, my friend. Is Peter the one you wanted to know was home safe?âÂ
Deny till death.Â
âNo way, Iâm talking about Mr. Harrington, heâs like a hundred years old.âÂ
Natalie takes her time chewing and swallowing, âyour hundred year old neighbor is up in the middle of the night?â
Itâs dumb to lie, you and her know the truth.Â
You shrug and take a fifth cookie, âhe may have a routine, I dunno.âÂ
Your friend hums, âI just thought it may be Peter, cause you share a wall and all.âÂ
Gagging at his name you shake it off, âGross! Itâs bad enough knowing the plate these were on were in his hands.â It takes you a second but youâre able to plow through another bite.Â
âI just⊠why do we hate Peter so much?âÂ
You donât know, you think you blocked it out. Every time you look at him a weird feeling bubbles up and it makes you want to scream, cry, fight and hug it out with him in one second. Itâs easier to bark at him than confront him about your feelings.Â
âI donât know. Heâs just a pest to me, every time I turn around heâs there. And I swear to god he spilled the beans about that party last year.âÂ
Natalie Greene knows three things to be true.Â
One: Peter Parker likes you, you just donât know it yet.Â
âWhat if you talked to him?âÂ
Cookie crumbs fall over your shirt as you talk, âIâm sorry, what?âÂ
Two: You like Peter Parker, you just donât know it yet.Â
âIf you need me and Iâm not around, if you need someone to support you through this and I canât be here, promise me youâll knock on his door.âÂ
You scoff at the idea, âyeah, sure.â sheâs not very confident you mean it.Â
âSeriously, promise me right now if I canât be there for you, youâll ask him.âÂ
She was serious, something in her tone made you shift and agree. Itâs not like sheâd go anywhere, Natalie Green was your lifeline.Â
âAlright! If you arenât around and itâs literally life or death, Iâll ask⊠him.âÂ
Three: Things get worse before they get better, you just donât know it yet.
WEEK TWO.
Your mornings always started the same, a routine was important to you. It was consistent. It was wake up, hit up the bathroom, change, yawn and rub your eyes through breakfast before leaving to thrive in silence before school.Â
Today, when leaving, right as youâre pocketing your keys, your neighbor speaks out.Â
âHey.âÂ
You freeze, itâs rare you run into Peter in the mornings. You figure he leaves way earlier, or later than you. But when you do, you ignore each other with silence. You really donât like the sudden change.Â
âHow are you doing?âÂ
You wonder if he heard you crying last night, you thought you got rid of it after the party. You didnât understand how you could be happy one moment and miserable the next. What made it worse was when 3:02 am hit and you heard his window slam, your sniffles settled.Â
âLike I was dumped, thanks for the reminder.âÂ
Your foot hits the first step when he calls out, âand the cookies?âÂ
Biting your bottom lip you turn, it really was a nice gesture. You may not like him, but you loved May and sheâs the one that put in all that hard work. Peter lights up when you face him, if he had a tail heâd start wagging it. It makes you bite down on your cheek, he doesnât deserve unprovoked rage.Â
âThey were really good,â you take three steps before turning back around.Â
âAnd, I uh, took your advice. Ate the whole plate, I mean.âÂ
Peter fumbles, his key chain drops but he stays looking at you. His thumb shoots behind him to point at his door, âwe have like, twenty left. Want some more?âÂ
You shake your head softly, âmaybe later?â Peter nods exuberantly, âyeah, yeah. Iâll bring them over.âÂ
You curl your lip up and stomp down the steps, âthanks for the warning, penis!âÂ
This was it.Â
This was your worst nightmare.Â
Not only did things get shuffled around until you were sitting next to Peter at dinner, where you made it a point to scoot your chair away from him when his shoulder touched yours and immediately swiped the area clean- But now you blinked blankly at your dinner while your mom droned on and on and on about the guy who dumped you. It didnât matter if it was good or bad, you just wanted her to stop.Â
âAnd he was so sweet, wasnât he? Honey, are you sure he hasnât reached out? Itâs not too late to call him, maybe if you-â May didnât deserve to see you upset, and it kills you that Peter saw that emotion. Your mom didnât even deserve it, you were so sick of trying to keep it together.Â
Your chair screeches with how quick you jump out of your seat.Â
âHe doesnât give a shit, he dumped me! So why do you think heâd call? He doesnât want me, I mean heâs made that clear right?â Your eyes shoot to Mayâs, âIâm right, right? You donât break up with someone if you still care, or want them, right?âÂ
Tears haze your vision, âhe ended it with me mom, and you know why? Itâs cause he found a new girl! He fucking-â water rushes down your cheeks but you donât stop, âhe,â you collapse on the word, you canât get a good inhale on breath.Â
âHe left me to pick up the pieces, thatâs all he did.â It clicked full motion, he left you behind and ended it. He got a fresh start and you were left trying to hold it together, like how it was, how it was supposed to be.Â
You sob, your chest has never felt so tight. Shaky breaths fade into sharp inhales, you canât fucking breathe. Gasping you put a hand over your heart, you know in the back of your mind itâs a panic attack but all you feel is imminent death.Â
Peter stands and blocks your body with his, you donât know whatâs happening but youâre trying to get away. Each step you take backwards he takes one forwards until you're wheezing in your room, your ears are ringing and it feels like a heart attack is in approach. Your eyes squeeze shut and in an instant you feel calmer, itâs not because of your sudden blink. Itâs because Peter has his hands over your ears pressing in, your back against the wall and front against his chest. Â
Itâs the last place you want to be but youâre angry, and heâs there, and itâs all coming out.Â
Youâre able to breathe but at what cost? You grip Peterâs shirt as tight as you could and wail into his chest, itâs the first time youâve ever actually felt him against you. Heâs more sturdy than you thought, as you push more and more weight on him he doesnât stagger one bit. His arms held you to him, keeping steady until youâd push him away.Â
âIâm sorry, Iâm so sorry,â you coughed the words into his shirt, you held tighter when his only response was resting his chin on your head. You apologized and cried until you ran out of tears and your breaths were nothing but sharp inhales.Â
When reality hits and you realize you've been crying into Peterâs hold for minutes you push him away and wipe your nose. Avoiding his eyes, you look to the carpet, you have a fresh cry glow and mindset, itâs the good kind of emotional numb.Â
âI, um, I still have those cookies?âÂ
Those being his choice of words after a troubling breakdown was warming, it made you feel like you werenât so crazy. Or at least, Peter didnât see you as crazy, which when thinking about didnât mean much.Â
You canât help but laugh, itâs so loud and opposite of every other emotion you spilled tonight it makes him jump, you see him setting up for the attack. The moment you snap at him and call him a weirdo for cornering you and throwing himself on you.Â
Tonight, you were full of surprises.Â
âYeah,â you nod your head and wipe your nose one last time, âIâd love to come over for cookies.âÂ
You had to look away from his smile, it was too blinding.Â
You broke the rule, you went lurking and hurt your own feelings. Sheâs all over his instagram, and sheâs pretty. Heâs all over hers, dating back to five months ago.Â
You do a double take, five months?Â
He had been cheating on you for months before he ended it. You feel sick. He told you he loved you while he was in bed with another girl. You felt so much rage inside you couldnât hold it in, Natalie was too far away and Peterâs already seen you at your worst.Â
You move without thinking, slamming your fist on his door.Â
Wide eyes open it, Peter would be lying if he said he wasnât scared he was the subject of attack. You swerve past him, if you were in a cartoon, steam would be billowing from your ears. You didnât get angry often, and youâve never felt upset enough to punch someone, but all you could think about was screaming and slamming your fist into the wall.Â
âI hate him, I fucking hate him so fucking much. If you ever hear me crying I need you to come over and tell me Iâm absolutely pathetic for crying over a fucking cheater.âÂ
While heâs glad youâre not there to yell at him, his heart sinks for you.Â
âIâm so sorry.âÂ
âIt was right in front of my face, too. Sheâd been claiming him since the second week of school. Iâve been a fool, god, I fucking hate him. I hate him so much I⊠I want to break something.âÂ
Peter eyes his science notebook, he doesnât have anything for you to break, but he has something that will make enough noise to drown out the voices. He grabs it and holds it out, you gently take it giving him a confused look.Â
âWack it. Beat the absolute shit out of it on the counter.âÂ
You look unsure, you donât want to ruin his things, even if you donât like him.Â
âRight on the edge, go on, do it.â His egging you on makes you follow his command, itâs gentle.Â
âHarder,â you test it.Â
âHarder,â you give a smack, it makes a popping sound and you jump, it feels good.Â
âLike you mean it, like you need it.â You do it again, itâs louder. You strike down without instruction, Peter starts barking at you, it makes you angrier.Â
âHarder, donât be so weak!â
He hit the right nerve, you canât stop, youâre moving so quick and using so much force the spine starts to rip from the cardboard. It feels good destroying something, it makes you beat the laminate harder. Loud cracks echoing from the walls.Â
You heave for air, every bit of force directed into your diminished trust. You yell between each blow.Â
âFucking!âÂ
âPiece!â
âOf!â
âShit!âÂ
You start to slow down, Peterâs notebook is fucked. You feel bad. Gasping for air when youâre done, Peter gives you a head nod, âbetter?âÂ
You nod, âlots. Sorry about your book.â He doesnât look bothered in the slightest, âitâs a good excuse to get a new one, I hate green.â You peer over the contents in the pages, âthatâs a lie, everyone knows science is green.â Peter laughs, he nods like heâs saying âyou got me there.â âDoesnât mean I like it though.âÂ
Looking down at the notebook, you peer up at Peter. He looks soft, the sleeves of his zip up hoodie covered his thumbs, he has sweater paws. His hair framed his face nicely, his cheeks have a natural pink hue, itâs like heâs always sunkissed, or calming down from a laughing fit.Â
The sun is backlighting him perfectly, it makes his eyes look even more honey golden than they already do. You donât know why you find him slightly cute at the moment, it makes your stomach tug and not in a good way. The last time you thought someone was cute you got burned, and youâve always had a disdain for Peter.Â
Peter was the worst kind of rebound to have because you canât decide whoâd get more hurt from it, and the thought of that makes you want to avoid him forever.Â
âYouâre looking at me funny.âÂ
You are, itâs because youâre noticing him for the first time, at least since you were eight. Suddenly you can remember why you cut him out when you were a kid.Â
âI had a crush on you when we were younger. I think thatâs why I stopped being your friend.âÂ
Your confession made Peterâs eyes widen, he looks to the ground and hides his smile. When he picks his head back up he looks to the side, his cheeks a bit more flushed than normal. âThatâs cute.âÂ
It was. It was innocent and juvenile, his small response made you laugh. âYeah, it really was.â You shouldnât entertain it any further, but you canât stop. Something about seeing his blush makes you want to keep going, âWanna know when it started?â He looks curious, âsure.âÂ
You go quiet for a minute, you havenât thought about it in years. The moment it clicked you were freaked out, the first time you liked a boy and he was your best friend. You went from wanting to play in dirt to holding his hand. A smile spreads over your face when you watch the memory replay in your mind.Â
âWe were at the complex playground and we were digging by that droopy tree across from the swingset, and I saw a lizard in the grass and I pointed it out to you. I told you I always wanted to hold one but they moved too fast and scared me, but you held out your arm and said âI got this.ââ You laugh, replaying it once more.Â
âAnd you dive bombed and picked it up, and you were so fucking proud to have caught it. Then you placed it in my hand but I felt it move around and freaked out, but you held your hand over mine and said âdonât be scared.ââÂ
Thereâs something about an eight year old Peter Parker with glasses and dirt smudged cheeks that had child you giddy.
Peterâs smiling, itâs like heâs reliving that day in his head too. âI fulfilled your lifelong dream and you fell for me.â You shrug, âmaybe.â Setting his notebook on the counter you look around, you feel like youâve said too much.Â
âHey, um, thanks for the whole⊠unleashing my anger thing.â You're setting yourself up for a goodbye, Peter can sense it.Â
âAre you hungry? Wanna go get some pizza?âÂ
No matter what was said, or thought, you still have that pinch of annoyance at him. But his brightness was what you needed today, and you hadnât had lunch. You have a sinking feeling youâd regret it, there was something that felt like it was a bit more than friendly and it had you throwing up every wall possible.Â
Still, you find yourself agreeing.Â
âSure. Letâs get some pizza.âÂ
It was a stereotypical pizza place and those were the best ones. The wall is covered in pictures of random people, terrible paintings and red checkered tablecloths covered wobbly tables. They had a permanent sticky residue, your elbows peeled when you raised them up.Â
âIâm surprised you didnât judge me on my hawaiian choice.â He always did, he told you it wasnât authentic and childish.
âHey, Iâm a pizza guy, alright? Anything you put on a pizza belongs on it. I mean, I get the appeal, sweet and savory.â Your face brightens, he understands. âExactly! And the warm pineapple just hits differently, itâs like-â Peter can read your mind, you say it at the same time. âFries and ice cream.âÂ
Another thing he found gross, your head tilts, it just kind of clicks with Peter. Your ex would sneer when youâd go for a dip, you begged him to try it a hundred times, you promised heâd like it but heâd tell you it was âfucking grossâ.Â
âHawaiian and pepperoni, can I get you kids anything else?â You shake your head while Peter responds for the both of you, âno thanks, weâre good.â Peterâs slice has a pool of grease in a slice of his pepperoni, it looks delicious. He sees you eying his choice and holds it out, âyou want a bite donât you?â Your eyes flash to your slice, âonly if you take a bite of mine.â Itâs only fair. âSwap with me,â you trade plates and tap slices as a cheers, humming when you take a bite Peter nods impressively.Â
You swap back and take a bite of yours, itâs heavenly. âIâm glad I got mine.â Peter agrees with the statement, âIâm sorry, babe, but pepperoni is superior. Itâs all about keeping it simple.â You know he meant nothing by it, you know it meant it in a friendly way, you know itâs a regular pet name to use in passing, but he called you babe.Â
Hearing the term of affection makes your skin crawl, you swallow a lump in your throat. You want to snap at him, but instead your voice comes out soft. âPlease donât call me that.â Peterâs eyes soften, he almost tells you he didnât mean it like that, but he knows you already understand that.Â
âNo problem, old lady.â It took a second, but you couldnât stop the laugh. âWhat did you just call me?â Peter bites his bottom lip, âwell, thatâs the opposite of babe, isnât it?â It makes your smile bigger, itâs funny, if you had asked him something that simple heâd fight you on it, ask a million questions and push it until you gave up.Â
For the first time in a month you really canât remember why you thought he was so great.Â
WEEK THREE.
Natalie Greene has her hair pulled slick back in a ponytail, a determined look and hands on her hips.Â
âLetâs fuck some shit up.âÂ
Lunch with Peter had really pushed you forward, you had strayed away from him the last few days. You still listened for him nightly but avoided him in the hallway and at school, he was everything he was not, and it made you feel queasy.Â
It was time you removed him from your life, you started with blocking him on everything. From instagram to duolingo. Then, you piled up everything he left behind or things that reminded you of him, but you couldnât touch your closet. You couldnât bring yourself to do it. Enter Natalie Greene.
âI donât know why itâs so hard for me, everything else was fine.â Natalie shrugs, your closet doors are open and sheâs itching to start rummaging. âItâs not for me. What are we thinking, trash, donate, burn? Dare I say detonate?âÂ
You snort, âthink I could do some black magic?â Her eyes light up, âIâll look up the dark arts right now, donât dare me.â You sigh, âI donât care what you do with them, I just need them out of here.â Natalie Greene understands, sheâs been there too a few times. Everything that reminds you of him burns like hell. A constant reminder of whatâs no longer.Â
Itâs only five shirts and some sweatpants but it feels paralyzing. Once his clothes are gone heâs no longer, like the last year never meant anything. He cheated but you still feel like it was real for the time you had him.Â
âShit, can we raincheck the disposal?â Natalie is staring at her phone in her hand, a worried line where her lips were. âFamily stuff.â You tell her itâs fine and send her out in a second, staring at the bag you started to twitch.Â
It felt daunting- a looming presence. You almost got rid of him but couldnât. It was five minutes of harsh breathing, then you drag it across the hall hoping Peter was home. You needed them gone.Â
 May answered the door and you feel slightly flustered.Â
âHi, May. Is Peter home?âÂ
She welcomes you in the door, skipping over the makeshift laundry bag and giving a quick but squeezing hug. âHow are you feeling?â If you had been asked that a week ago youâd fly off the handle, but this week it feels like you can breathe a bit better.Â
âI think Iâm doing pretty okay. It helped to know he cheated, it makes me miss him sixty percent less. The other forty makes me feel pathetic.â May frowns with empathy, âmy college boyfriend cheated. Betrayal and hurt is a weird feeling when mixed with love.âÂ
You laugh, âyeah, it really is.â May clears her throat, âPeterâs in his room, he may be busy with some homework.â You thank her and move down the hallway, the plastic bag follows, half of you hopes it rips because itâs what he deserves.Â
You knock and wait for his response, grunting when you swing the trash bag over the threshold and let it drop. âI have an odd request for a man.â Peter seems surprised to see you for a second, then looks at the bag and back at you. He seems a bit more weary.Â
âUh huh.âÂ
âIâm getting rid of his things and Nat had to dip, wanna come with?â You follow up with a wince, âIâm sorry, this is super weird and out of place.â
Peter shrugs, âif it helps, it helps. And if youâre serious, Iâll go with you.â You take a deep breath, healing and growing isnât always comfortable. âFuck it, letâs donate some shit.âÂ
You feel like you stand straighter walking out with Peter behind you, heâs carrying the dead weight and you feel accomplished. May has a raised eyebrow, you hold out your hand and settle her curiosity.Â
âDonât worry, justice is about to be served.âÂ
May grins at her nephew's soft smile, sheâs seen and heard about you more in the last two weeks than she has in the last nine years. âItâs sounding a lot more like twenty percent.âÂ
The moment things started turning south was at the donation center. You werenât even standing super close to Peter, or radiating an aura that even suggested he was anything more than a conveniently close acquaintance. But the volunteer at the front thought differently.Â
âAw, I wish more young couples came in, it always seems to brighten up the place!âÂ
You feel like a force of wind caught you breathless, every inch of you froze on the spot. When she says couple you think of him, but youâre not a couple anymore. When she says âcoupleâ you feel your heart encapsulate with rubble, the idea of him makes you feel sick.Â
You donât think you could ever love again.Â
Especially not with Peter, not even when he shies away with pink cheeks and tries to shrug her comment off. Itâs not worth the awkwardness of announcing youâre not a couple, you both know youâre not, and she doesnât really care if you were or not.Â
âWe were just in the mood to donate today,â he plays it off well. You chew on your lip and watch him fill out the donation slip, itâs second nature for Peter to take care of you, it was something he mostly failed at.Â
Before the attendant can take the bag, Peter stops her by hovering his hand over it, he turns his neck and makes eye contact. âAre you sure you want to do this?âÂ
Your heart pounds, threatening to crack the rock.Â
âIâm sure.â Because, you really are.Â
Peter smiles, âany last words?â You try to think of something, nothing comes to mind other than a blur of frustration and confusion. Raising your hand you give it the middle finger, Peterâs laughing at your blank face, âcâmon, you know you wanna double it.â You do, so you did.Â
It feels freeing, youâre not healed but you donât have a daunting weight on your shoulders anymore. A satisfied smile spreads, your hands drop for a second before Peterâs high-fiving you. Youâre tucked under his arm after saying his thanks to the confused volunteer, bumping your hip against his and caged in his hold you feel safe. Safer than youâve ever felt.Â
A crack in the rocks, your heart thumps wildly when he drags you opposite from where you came. âLet me buy you a hawaiian.âÂ
Peter is pretty. You could admit it. Never out loud, but youâd admit it silently. Heâs on fire tonight, keeping you laughing and talking. Heâs a perfect story teller, he has a way of pulling you in. Heâs charismatic and throws himself into every role, voices and body movements.
Your chin is resting on your hand while you focus on every word of his, entranced in his excitement. A lamp hanging over your mini booth makes him look a tad yellow, but his eyes shine brighter than all hell, you never knew brown eyes could suck you in for hours.Â
For a second your mind blips and you truly canât remember his eye color. But you know theyâre nothing like Peterâs.Â
You forget to react, because Peter cut himself off and waved his hand in front of his face. You blink alert, he has a very charming smile, you look at a table of older women. âYou good? Felt like you were trying to look into my soul.â
You canât stop it, it's a knee jerk reaction and the moment you say it you regret it.Â
âYour eyes are very pretty.â You wonât stop looking at a slice of mozzarella on a grandmaâs plate. Peter hums, nodding his head like he understands, âso you werenât trying to sacrifice me, you just got lost in my very pretty eyes.â
The crack splinters, a chunk falls off. You meet his eyes, heâs not making fun of you. You sit straighter and reach out to steal a piece of pepperoni from his slice, acting like youâre not blatantly flirting with ease.
âI just havenât noticed them before I think.âÂ
Peterâs quiet for a moment, his arms are crossed on the table, fingers tap on his elbows.Â
âWell, Iâm glad you are now.â Itâs a little too much, heâs not allowed to entertain you back, he could hurt you too.Â
You clear your throat, âI need to ask you something.â Peter stops tapping, itâs like heâs been waiting on you to say it. âYeah, anything.âÂ
You lean forward a little, âdid you tell my mom about the party last year?â He looks slightly disappointed that was your question, ânope.â Your eyes narrow, âIâd rather us not start a friendship built on lies.âÂ
Peter lights up, âfriendship?â A displeased expression was shared, âthin ice, Parker.â He seems a bit more determined to tell the truth this time.Â
Peter sits up and interlocks his fingers, âI promise I didnât tell her. Mr. Harrington did. And I know how much you like him and I thought you would stop going to see him if you knew and heâs super old so I just kinda⊠let you believe it was me.âÂ
Your heart breaks free, itâs loud and pumping and itâs making you feel alive. A sense of urgency to do something to him makes you itch, you have to pull your hands to your lap. In that second, for whatever reason, all you want is to feel his skin on yours.Â
Heâd be willing to do anything for you, even at the cost of you hating him.Â
âYouâre the most selfless person I know and itâs kind of insufferable.â Peter rolls his eyes, âjust admit you like me, god.â Your breath stutters, but you move right past it.Â
âYeah, yeah, yeah, keep talking about the petting zoo.âÂ
Peter jumps back into character, âalright, so Iâm down on-â
For the first time in weeks you slept through the night, until three am. You woke up on your own, a mental alarm had you looking out for him. After you hear the comforting chorus of movement, you hide under your pillow and go back to sleep.
Your world is falling apart. You were on the track to healing, each piece of your heart was slowly mending back together. Until news of Natalie Greene going out of town hits, you collapse to your bed with an arm over your eyes. Facetime carries her into your room.
âWhy couldnât your grandma die next month?â She nods her head, folding a tank top to drop it into her carry on. âSo true, she shouldâve known you were having a crisis.â You nod, âitâs so hard knowing the world doesnât revolve around me.âÂ
The room goes quiet as she moves around and packs. You contemplate telling her, you didnât want a spectacle and you didnât even know if or what you wanted from Peter. But damn if you hadnât been thinking about it for days. You wonder if sheâs picked up on the hints, youâd been relying on her less and less.Â
âAre you going to hang with Peter while Iâm gone?â Your mind flashes to him, the past few nights heâd sent you a few videos that he thought youâd like. And you did, even if he didnât know you as deeply as he has until recently, he still makes you feel seen.Â
He would send you things he found funny.Â
Peter sends you things he knows youâd find funny.Â
âMaybe. He buys me pizza so heâs cool to have around, I guess.â Natalie Greene snorts, âand Iâm sure he makes fun of your pineapple.â It feels like your heart shines, âno, actually. He gets it.â Your eyes flash to the top of the screen, a text from Peter pops up, you waste no time hitting the notification.Â
âWanna come have some brownie cookies?âÂ
You bite your lip, rising from your bed you shuffle into your slippers. âHey, Nat, I gotta go. Iâm really sorry about your grandma.â She rolls her eyes, âshe was super old and I didnât really know her, itâll be cool to see my cousins though.âÂ
âHave fun on the trip!âÂ
A wicked grin, âhave fun with Peter.â You donât even fight her on it, she knew exactly what you were doing.Â
Your knuckles tapped on the door, it was opened in seconds. Peter had a glow like youâve never noticed, he only got more and more pretty. A smile stretched across his face, you love how it always meets his eyes.
âHi.âÂ
Your slippers softly scrape the wood floors when you enter, âhi.â Peter gestures you towards the kitchen, and for whatever reason, you reach behind you and tug him along.Â
âOkay, okay, so what did she say?âÂ
Your legs swing on the counter, mumbling between mouthfuls of the dessert fusion youâre fully invested in Peterâs story. He had caught Mrs. Hopkins and the chef that lives on floor two in an argument, and it turns out Mrs. Hopkins was the complex's porch pirate.Â
Peter swallows his own bite, âshe asked me to back her up! And I was all like, âhell no, you stole my auntâs juicer.ââ You gasp, ânot Mayâs juicer.â Peter holds a finger up, ânah, I caught her red handed. She was so pissed and on the spot she snapped at me like, âit wasnât a juicer, it was a butter dish.âÂ
You slap a hand over your mouth, âoh no.â Peterâs eyebrows raise, turning his back to grab a glass of milk. âI wish you couldâve seen the look on her face when she realized she told on herself, it was awesome. She was spewing shit all the way to the elevator.âÂ
Finishing your treat your tongue feels thick, holding out a hand in a silent request for a swig of his milk. Peter looks between your hand and his glass, he looks weary.Â
âAre you sure you wanna drink after me? I figured youâd be scared of my cooties.â You motion for the cup, he passes it over and you wrap your palms around the glass.Â
âOh, you absolutely have boy cooties, they just become non-contagious at puberty.â Peter runs his tongue over his teeth, âI think I forgot that lesson, what else can I expect from puberty?â You laugh on a gulp of milk, âtrust me, Parker, puberty hit you like a bus.Â
He steps closer, you set the glass down next to you.Â
âIs that a good thing?âÂ
You look over his face, heâs got a defined bone structure but soft features. A boyish charm coats over him, itâs just enough of a hint of innocence you beg he never loses it. Itâs a no brainer, he was attractive, your eyes flash to his mouth, itâs a wild instinct and you try your best to shake it off.Â
âYes. Iâd say puberty was very kind to you.â Peter takes another step, âhow so?â Pretending to think about it, like you werenât already, you take a second to respond. You donât notice him taking another step.Â
âWell, you have a nice jawline.â Peter tilts his head slightly, âis that all?â Youâre not sure what it is, but thereâs an undertone and it fills you with excitement.Â
âAnd very nice curls.âÂ
âI donât think that has anything to do with puberty.â You suppose heâs right, âyouâre taller than me now.â You had an inch on him when you were kids. Peterâs suddenly right in front of you, âespecially now.â He has to look down at you while you blink up at him from the counter, âyeah, youâre like a giant.âÂ
Your mind betrays you, his lips are unnaturally pink, they look like theyâre the right amount chapped. âAnything else?â Youâre struggling, all you can think about is him but you canât follow a train of thought.Â
âYou smell really good,â you take a deep breath when his hands rest on either side of you, heâs caging you in and everything builds with anticipation, you fight the urge to pull him in. âYouâre just complimenting me now.âÂ
You shake your head, âdo you know how many teenage boys smell bad?â Itâs not your fault, heâs so close his scent has invaded your senses, you wanted to inhale him until you turned blue.Â
âOne more.â You try to think, heâs making it very hard. It takes a second but you have one, proud to have pulled it from the chamber, a sly grin takes place.Â
âYou-â Lips on yours, it happened so fast you couldnât catch up. Mind spinning when you realize Peter Parker was kissing you, you know you should shove him off, but it feels right. Itâs over as quick as it started.Â
You just got out of a relationship, one that tugged you to one of the lowest points of your life so far. Itâs not lost on you when you werenât the one to pull away, but youâre the first one to comment on it.Â
âYou shouldnât have done that.â You werenât mad, you were warning him, he doesnât know what lies ahead.
âBut I really wanted to.â His eyes keep looking you over, was he expecting you to scream?Â
Itâs dangerous territory, your voice feather soft when it comes out. âAnd do you want to again?â Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea.
It felt like the air went still in the room, everything slowly melted into the background until it was only you and him. The quiet hum of the air conditioner faded into silence, the scene music from a movie on the tv in the room behind you diluted to nothing.Â
It was just you and Peter, and he was getting closer. It was achingly slow, you know what heâs doing, heâs giving you a chance to escape. Bail before it became too real, but has he thought about the possibility of you leaning closer?Â
What are you doing?
His lips hovered over yours, when you closed your eyes he took it as permission.Â
Youâd always heard of the fireworks, that kisses are like explosions of happiness. And they were, and you loved them, but there were no fireworks. At least with him.Â
With Peter, your entire sky brightened. Little prickles of electricity dolly chained up your spine, an explosion of color in your mind. It made you starving and whole in one touch, his body made to fit against yours perfect.Â
You wonder if he has the same feeling, you think he does when his hand cups your face, the other one tugs your hip so you fit him better. Itâs bold of you, but when you feel that entranced you donât know how to stop. Your tongue swipes on his bottom lip, itâs very clear he doesnât know what to do.Â
You pull away for air, Peterâs pupils blow wide before looking at the floor. His head feels like itâs spinning, the girl heâs always wanted, wants him right back. Peter feels very aware of his surroundings, how hard his heart is pounding, how youâre holding him to you, how youâre tracing his bottom lip with your thumb, how youâre leaning back in, how heâs holding you into him.Â
You take the lead, itâs slow but you build his confidence, heâs a quick learner.Â
In minutes youâre nearly laid back on the kitchen counter, youâre about to suggest he takes it to his bedroom, but the thought of breaking away from his kiss keeps you stationary. Peterâs locked to you too, your legs hooked around his waist, keeping him as close as he could get.Â
All you can think is Peter, Peter, Peter.
He claims he doesnât know much, but it feels like heâs intune with your body. Peter matches you perfectly, you never knew a makeout session could bring so much tension. A moan pulls from the back of your throat when his thumb peeks under the cotton of your shirt.Â
Peter breaks the kiss, little huffs of air billow from your mouth while he kisses down the side of your neck. When he finds the spot that makes you squirm he nibbles gently, a hand tangled at the back of his hair lets him know heâs doing something right.Â
Especially when you arch into his touch as his hand confidently slides under your shirt, digging his fingers into the plush skin over your ribcage. âFuck, Peter,â itâs breathy and eggs him on, he wants to hear nothing but that for the rest of his life.Â
Caught up in the moment neither of you heard the door, or noticed the third person in the room, until shock spewed from their mouth.Â
âOh, wow!âÂ
Peter rips himself away, his instinct is to hide your face into his chest. Youâre grateful, it saves the embarrassment of looking his aunt in the eye after she watched you fold under his hands. Peterâs mind is racing, his only priority was keeping you comfortable.
Fuck, he kisses so sweet. Shut up! Â
âHey, May. Get anything good at the farmers market?âÂ
Blatant ignorance and casual conversation was the route he took, and it seemed to have worked. Cloth bags hit the counter, you stay hidden, Peterâs hand pressed into the back of your head. Heâs sturdy, your head lays perfect on his sternum, it was made for you. No, stop.
âYes! I got more of that european bread we really liked.â As much as you would like to be ignored, May wouldnât let you. A pat on your knee sent your arms curling around Peterâs waist, he tried his best to settle the clench of his heart.Â
Fits perfect, fits perfect, fits-
âYouâd love it, itâs roasted garlic, real pieces too!âÂ
It may be rude to ignore the owner of a home, but you werenât looking at her for another ten lightyears. At least you give a muffled response into Peterâs chest, âsounds good.â May giggles a little, you hear the fridge open and rustling.Â
âAre you gonna hide from me forever?âÂ
If Peter could play pretend, so could you. You pushed him away softly, âPeter made brownie cookies.â May raises an eyebrow, directing her attention towards her nephew. âEver since that first plate of cookies Peterâs been baking like itâs his job.âÂ
Heâs perfect.
âYou made the cookies?â Peter had told you May did, youâre sure of it. He nods quickly, âI figured if I told you, youâd think they were poisoned.â
You want his touch, you want him pressed into you again. This has to stop.
Itâs dramatic, but youâll bite. âSmart boy.â Peter has a gleam in his eye, âI really am.âÂ
May knows when sheâs third wheeling, she makes an excuse to move to the living room, Peter nods towards his room. You accept his hand down and look behind you at the door. He was frustratingly magnetic, you wanted to do nothing more than fall into bed and stay forever attached to his lips.Â
It was a new rush of feelings, most of them new and almost dangerous. You wanted to explore and learn and take some of Natalie Greeneâs advice and grow. But more than wanting, you knew you had to leave.Â
You were still healing, and if it hurt this bad with him, where nothing felt like this, you canât imagine the burn this could leave.
âI should go,â you canât look him in the eye, heâd suck you back in. Youâd never be able to leave, you have to leave.
âIs this because of May? Cause we can leave and..â You shake your head fast and take a step back, heâs too kind, too understanding, too new and thrilling and, and⊠loving. You donât deserve him or what he brings, you canât bear the imagination of what his heartbreak would feel like.Â
âNo, not May.â There was only one thing that kept you from him before, you were still pulling the same childish tricks. Something about Peter Parker caused you irrational terror.Â
âI told you, you shouldnât have done that.âÂ
Peter tries to look at you, you take another step back. âYou asked if I wanted to do it again.â He canât use logic, it wonât work here. âThat didnât mean do it again.âÂ
âYou sure? Cause it really seemed like you wanted me to do it again.â You feel choked for air, heâs backing you into a corner.Â
âYou understood wrong. I need to leave.â Your footsteps paused when Peter called out your name, a timid look over your shoulder made him continue.Â
âDonât do this. I know what youâre doing, and it doesnât end well for either of us. Weâre not eight anymore.â Your game was called, you didnât want to do this, you donât want to be mean. Why did he have to make you do this to him?Â
âDesperation isnât a good look on you.âÂ
Peter crosses his arms over his chest, his tongue swipes over his top teeth before poking out his cheek. âOf course it isnât.â Youâre very aware that he expected this to happen, he expected you to push him away and close the gates. If he did, then he shouldnât have kissed you. He brought this on himself.Â
âNothing is.â Whatâs a final blow if only to tie the bow on no future contact? Peter took a deep breath and gives you the escape you were looking for, âIâll see you later.â You shake your head, âno, you wonât.âÂ
The hallway is cold and so is your heart. Removing Peter as a potential threat didnât do much, somehow you think it feels worse than what it would be like to love and then lose him.Â
Too bad he wasnât worth the risk.Â
You knew dinner was going to be awkward. You did your best to get out of it but it was deemed impossible, you were about to gouge your eyes out of your head just for a solid excuse. But your mom said that you werenât allowed to do that. So you didnât.Â
Peter on the other hand, looked like he was having the time of his life. Especially when May shot you a wink across the table when he reached over your plate. You threatened your eye with a fork, your mom gave you a nasty glare.Â
âButter, please?âÂ
You cross your arms and scoff, âget it yourself, penis.â Your mom gasped out your name, appalled you would say something like that. She told you to look him in the eye and apologize, using his real name. Peter showed no reaction, chewing on a buttered biscuit.Â
âIâm sorry for calling you a penis, Peter.â It was the least authentic apology heâs ever heard.Â
âAw, let them be kids, theyâre in love.âÂ
Your knife hits your plate so hard it chips, Peter chokes on his bite, crumbs fall from his mouth as he tries to speak as fast as he can. âNo, no, May⊠no.âÂ
You feel the walls closing in, the more you run from it, the more itâs announced. You canât win. Itâs brutal silence on your end, youâre shutting down into a shell of a human.Â
âOh? I thought after-âÂ
Peter has your back. âAfter we made pizza? It was one time, May. It wasnât like I planned it, it just happened. We were hanging out and I just really wanted pizza and I didnât really stop to think if she wanted pizza, I just made it.âÂ
May plays right along, and asks you directly. âDoes that mean youâre not coming over for pizza anymore?â Does that mean youâre not dating my nephew anymore?
Peter already knows the answer, he just wonders if itâs different if his aunt asks.Â
âThe last pizza I had burned to a crisp in the oven and it tasted really, really bad. And if that was a pizza I thought I loved, I canât imagine how bad it wouldâve been if it was my favorite.âÂ
Your mother has never seen you so passionate about pizza. May quirks an eyebrow, she looks at Peter while she asks.Â
âYou donât trust Peter in the kitchen?âÂ
Youâre doing your best to ignore Peterâs eyes on the side of your face, youâre trying to pretend youâre not being vulnerable.Â
âHeâs the only person who could burn it all down.âÂ
May clicks her tongue, sheâs more focused on cutting up her dinner. âFor what itâs worth, as Peterâs aunt, heâs a great chef. He takes his time in the kitchen, he doesnât mind waiting for the yeast to bloom. Because when the dough is ready, heâs really gentle at scooping it up and helping it turn into whatever it needs to be.âÂ
You turn to Peter, he gives a shy smile. âYouâre not scared of burning yourself?âÂ
A shrug, âItâs a precaution you take each time you cook, but from what Iâve learned, burns heal.âÂ
âScars donât.âÂ
Peter tilts his head, âthey fade over time, donât they?âÂ
May speaks up, sheâs looking right at you. It goes past the depth of high school love, it goes to the deepest mark one could leave on a heart. A lover lost too soon.Â
âThey do.âÂ
WEEK FOUR
Peter Parker has been on your mind for four days, (and nights,) straight. Each morning you wake at 3:02 and hear his muffled metronome. Youâve gotten avoiding him down to a T. The first morning you woke up early to watch him leave, then planned a ten minute window in case he was running late one day, and left around that.Â
Youâve been successful so far. But there was an underlying tug that wanted to be caught, you wanted him to hold you close to him and tell you that he wasnât going anywhere and nothing safe is worth the risk.Â
Is that why you let yourself be caught by him this morning?Â
âGood morning,â it was shot over his shoulder while he locked the door. You grumbled out to him, Peter doesnât mind you didnât use words, you were directing expression towards him and thatâs enough. âWanna walk together?âÂ
The idea sends flutters to the middle of your stomach, a brief image of his hand in yours while your hip bumps against his every so often and you laugh at whatever he tells you takes over your mind. âIf you want to walk near me while we go to the same location, thatâs on you.âÂ
Peterâs hot on your heels down the steps, âthatâs a total yes.â You ignore him and try to subtly shut the main door on him, it doesnât work. âHow have you been?â Walking faster, you hope he catches the hint. Peter matches pace perfectly- damn him and his puberty bus and his big strides.
âPersonally, I have been mourning the loss of my favorite neighbor coming over.â Peter blinks at the side of your face while carrying a grin. âI mean you, by the way. In case you needed that hint.âÂ
âGot it. Thanks.â You know you need to pick a side, but something in you wonât let you ignore him.Â
âWelcome. You know, if youâre free, youâre invited for dinner tonight.â You pout sarcastically, âtell May Iâll miss her presence.â Peter bumps your arm, you feel like dropping to your knees. âShe keeps asking about you, Iâm running out of excuses.âÂ
You scoff, âexcuse what? You can tell her the truth, penis.â Peter almost loses you when you swerve around a strangerâs shoulder, in one second heâs next to you again. âAnd what would the truth be?âÂ
âYou pushed yourself onto me,â you stare at Peter in shock when your wrist was grabbed tightly, you came to a stop on the sidewalk with him. He maneuvered to stand in front of you, noticing every inch he had on you; it seemed like his playful mood vanished.Â
âHey, I was just messing with you, okay? I thought you just didnât want to talk about it, but pushing myself on you is the last thing I want you to think I did. If I made you uncomfortable, Iâm really sorry.âÂ
Your features softened, your words sent him into a shame spiral. It was annoying how upset he looked with himself, even if you had to swear him off forever, you didnât want him to think he sexually harassed you.
âI was kidding, Peter. I donât think you pushed yourself onto me, you gave me the option to back out and I pulled you in. Iâd just rather never speak or think about it ever again.âÂ
A weary smile, âthat bad, huh?â You pulled your coat tighter around your chest, the cold making the tip of your nose numb. âQuite the opposite, really.â Before you could fall into temptation and kiss him in the middle of the city, you pulled away to keep heading towards school.Â
âCan I ask what that means?â You nod, âsure.â You offer up no more explanation.Â
âWell?â You look at him for a second, âoh, sorry. You can ask all you want, doesnât mean Iâll tell you.âÂ
âYouâre gonna inflate my ego, youâre telling me it was so good you canât put it into words.âÂ
You give him a side eye, âI wasnât aware there would be so much talking when I allowed you to walk next to me.âÂ
âThatâs not denialâŠâ His cadence was sing-songy.Â
âYouâre in denial.âÂ
Peter shook his head confidently, âIâm not in denial, I am very okay with the fact I like you.âÂ
You came to a halt. Heâs not allowed to feel this way, he doesnât know what it could bring. Has he not seen what love can do to a person? Has he not watched you crumble into a thousand pieces over and over throughout the weeks?Â
And why did his confession turn every piece of rubble into stained glass?Â
Peterâs not allowed to like you because reciprocation leads to temptation which bleeds into dating where it comes to a crashing end in heartbreak.Â
You tried to put on a serious face, but you know Peter sees the mask. âDonât.â Pointing a finger at his chest, âdonât say that, donât think that, and sure as shit donât act on it.âÂ
Peter must think youâre joking because he pushes your hand down before lightly laughing. âDonât act on it? I already did.â Is that what he did? Did he plan that moment? You thought it was a spur of the moment thing, but maybe heâs been planning it for weeks.Â
How long has he liked you?Â
It doesnât matter. Youâll be the adult and end it before it can start, he doesnât know what this can do to a person. You can do it nicely, or at least try. Maybe heâd find it more sincere if it comes from the heart.Â
âPeter, have you ever had your heart broken? Like, really broken? Because I wouldnât put that on my worst enemy. Itâs a type of emotional pain that turns physical, I mean, have you ever been so heartbroken you throw up? Have you ever been so sad you donât eat for days? Have you ever cried so hard you almost fainted? Itâs shit, Peter.âÂ
âBut was it worth it?âÂ
Did he not hear anything you just said? âWhat does that mean?âÂ
Peter adjusts the strap of his backpack, âyou loved him, right?â You donât need to give an answer, he already knows it. âDo you regret it? Even with the heartbreak, did that undo all the good that came out of it all?âÂ
You lick your bottom lip, itâs been a circulating thought. Love opened up doors you didnât know were closed, in the end it was a beautiful tragedy. But thatâs the worst part, with Peter you donât know what it would feel like. Youâve only had a glimpse and it tells you that itâs something thatâs going to change you forever.Â
If Peter leaves, if Peter cheats, itâll kill you, itâd be nothing like when he did it and you canât take the gamble.Â
It was worth it with him, he made you grow. With Peter youâd take ten steps back and never be the same.Â
âThere isnât always a silver lining, Peter.â You refuse to answer.Â
âSo, what, youâre never going to fall in love again?â Peterâs matching your pace again, you canât wait until youâre in the four safe walls of Midtown.Â
âNo, I just canât fall in love with you.âÂ
âCanât is a funny word choice.âÂ
âWonât.â You exhale sharply, âI wonât fall in love with you.âÂ
Peter has no interest in your claim, âitâd be easier if you just said you didnât like me, but youâre not.âÂ
You donât have to answer, you can choose to ignore him entirely and youâll be doing just that.Â
âI donât like this conversation anymore and Iâm ending it.â It works, only for twenty seconds, but it worked until Peter thinks he has a brilliant idea.Â
âBreak up with me.âÂ
Your steps slow, his did the same. Peterâs hands were tucked in his jacket pockets, the urge to kiss him breathless unmeasurable. You fight past it, âhuh?âÂ
âYou said I donât know real heartache, so I want you to break up with me. Right here.â Heâs entirely way too amused for you, even the idea makes you feel sick.Â
âIâm not going to break up with you, Peter. I canât get another tardy slip.â You keep walking, Peter hopped to keep up. âTen seconds, just end it.âÂ
âNo.âÂ
âCâmon, itâll be easy. Dump me and break my heart.âÂ
âWeâre not dating. I canât dump you, even if I wanted to.â What happened to ending the conversation?Â
You hear the smirk when he speaks. âIf.â
âIâm not playing your word games, Peter.â Because youâre not.Â
A laugh, âthen break up with me.âÂ
You thought he was supposed to be smart. How has he not gotten any of this, does he think itâs a joke, does he think youâre playing? Peter has no idea what this means, but you do.Â
Tugging at his elbow, you stop him in his tracks. Staring into his eyes and daring yourself not to get lost, you try to make things extremely clear. âI canât break up with you, Peter. I barely made it through him. I wouldnât know how to handle losing you. Youâd hurt me too bad and I canât take that risk.âÂ
Peterâs voice is soft when he answers, you want to close your eyes and have it carry you to heaven. âI canât break up with you either. Youâd be able to hurt me just as bad.â It takes you from your trance, âyou would. Because Iâm a bad girlfriend. If I wasnât he wouldnât have replaced me before he could end it.âÂ
Peterâs eyebrows pull together, you stuff your hands into your coat pockets to keep from smoothing them out. âHey, woah, letâs pause there. You did nothing wrong. Even if you were a bad girlfriend, and trust me, you werenât, that would never justify him doing that to you. Nothing could.âÂ
Itâs nice of him, but he doesnât know that. âWe didnât talk, you donât know I wasnât a bad girlfriend.â Peter scoffs, like the idea of you calling yourself a bad girlfriend offends him personally. âHe made you cry all the time,â the words followed by your name. âBad girlfriends donât cry, bad boyfriends make their good girlfriends cry.âÂ
Peter heard you. Every time you cried, every time you felt unloved, every time you sobbed out an âIâm sorryâ for something you didnât know you did. He listened, Peter listened like you did each night. How did you never notice the universal gimmick?
If you think back, most of the bad moments were at the hands of him. And for Peter to notice when you were worlds away from his person, makes your heart wrench inside your chest. You know you already drew the line and thereâs no crossing it, but itâs nice living in a moment make believe.Â
âYouâd never be able to call me babe.â It was a shitty pet name. You never liked it.Â
You get flashed with a toothy grin. âThatâs okay, I have a million to choose from.âÂ
Or the obvious hang up, âMay would totally hate me too, she knows Iâll take your virginity.â Peter waves you off, âwe donât know that.â You quirk an eyebrow, âwe donât?â Peter corrects himself, âshe doesnât have to know that.âÂ
You chuckle from the back of your throat. âBut she will. You wouldnât be able to hide it. I definitely wouldnât be able to hide it.â Peter looks down for a second, you follow his gaze, you wonder if youâre both zoned in on a black skid on the side of his shoe. âWhatâs that supposed to mean?âÂ
âI donât know. Itâs like, you just get a lot more⊠touchy, I guess. Nothingâs off limits anymore.âÂ
A monotone reply, âyeah, that sounds like a total nightmare.âÂ
It gets too real. Make believe time is over, now you have to be an adult and stick to your guns.Â
âIt wouldnât work between us, Peter.â
You feel sad, thereâs no good answer and both of you would be left with a bruise. He wanted more than youâd let yourself give and you wanted more than youâd let yourself have. Peter was right, you could hurt him just as bad, and youâd never forgive yourself.Â
Peter made himself a constant, someone you could really rely on the last few weeks, and if you lose that you donât know how youâd ever be okay again.Â
âIf you think so.â His kind smile doesnât meet his eyes. Itâs a quiet journey the rest of the way, both of you receiving a tardy slip and parting ways in the hall without a word or glance.
Peter Parker had gotten his wish. You just broke his heart.Â
This was all Natalie Greeneâs fault. If she wasnât stuck states away at a funeral she wouldâve held you accountable and used every means necessary to stop you from going to Peterâs.Â
It could also be Peterâs fault. He shouldâve never kissed you like he did, he shouldâve never made your heart beat with purpose and left a sear where he touched. Doesnât he know you could never forget it?Â
It also didnât help that you were drunk. Not drunk enough to be slamming into walls and slurring words, but enough to stop that part in your brain to hold you back from the things you truly wanted. Like your neighbor.Â
It had been three days of nothing and that wasnât Peterâs choice. He respected your decisions too much. If you didnât want him in your life, he wouldnât be. Doesnât he know that just makes you want him more?Â
Peter wasnât at the party, you didnât expect him to be, but you were a little hopeful heâd surprise you and show up. He didnât. But that didnât mean he wasnât on your mind with each shot you took, or when you stopped for pizza with a group of friends, when everyone teased you for pineapple but you knew Peter wouldnât.Â
You grabbed him a slice of pepperoni without thinking. Or maybe you were. It was an excuse to talk to him, to see him, to touch him. You could take it home and reheat it in the morning, or you could lean into your excuse of a few too many and knock on his door.Â
Itâs Peterâs fault. He really shouldnât have kissed you like that, he doesnât understand his power.Â
Harsh banging. Itâs over your head how late it is, you have important things to do. Like, lay over his body in his bed like you kiss down his neck, or squirm with harsh whimpers when he kisses down yours. You bet he likes to cuddle too, he never did, but Peter seems like he couldnât get enough of you.Â
If you couldnât date Peter you could use him as a rebound, right?
Faster knocking, why isnât he answering? At your loudest, the door opens. He was sleeping, you could tell by the puffy eyes but you didnât look at his face too long, no, Peter was in nothing but a pair of boxers.Â
When the fuck did he get so toned? You wouldâve reached out for a light graze, but he stopped you.Â
âYouâre so lucky Mayâs on overnight duty.â No, youâre lucky because heâs half naked and sleepy, youâve never seen anyone so tempting. It feels like youâre dying and only he could save you.Â
You canât help it, your palm connects with his chest, itâs there longer than a second. Itâs less about pushing him aside and more about touching him, and he knows that. Peter talks at a normal volume for the hour, âwhat are you doing here?âÂ
Your thumb traces his collarbones, âI brought you pizza.â Your breath skips when he turns his head to the side to check the time on the microwave in the kitchen, his jawline ultra toned.Â
âAt one in the morning?â Peterâs amused, you donât think he wouldâve ever been so kind if you disrupted his sleep. You nod, âI was thinking of you.â You raise the small box, just as proof as you really did get him a slice.Â
Peter takes it with a smile. âThanks, kid.â You donât know why, but you really like that one.Â
âCan I come in?â If he thought all you wanted was to share a midnight snack, he was terribly mistaken. The door widened in response, you made sure to brush against his side, he said nothing. Â
Following him into the kitchen, you have a flashback. Itâs one you want to reenact, maybe if you sit in the same spot heâll catch the drift. A blue wave of light washes over him when his snack is stored for morning, he looks angelic.Â
You donât think youâve ever been this fascinated with him.Â
âNow I understand all the song references about refrigerator lights.â Peter looks over his shoulder, his grin makes you feel like youâre flying. âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â He emerges with two water bottles, cracking the lid on yours and passing it over. His rests on the counter. He doesnât need water but you do and heâs not about to make you feel singled out.Â
You think it might be too late. You think you might already be falling.Â
âI donât know, but I just get it.â Heâs letting you do all the talking, itâs odd, youâre not used to being listened to. If Peter realizes what youâre doing, he says nothing. Maybe you just have to point it out.Â
You gesture to yourself, the real reason you came over finally announced.Â
âDo you see where Iâm sitting?âÂ
Peter nods, âI do.âÂ
Your fingers tap on the countertop, âremember the last time I sat here?â Peter breathes deep, you wonder if heâs thinking about it right now. âI do.âÂ
You wait. He makes no move. Whereâs your kiss?
âWell? Are you gonna do it again?â You pucker for good measure, just in case there was an inkling of uncertainty on his end. Youâre making it clear what you want. A faulty smile, you donât like it one bit.Â
âNo,â at least he sounds sorry about it. But he likes you, he told you himself, why would he deny you? Doesnât he know how much you need this?Â
âWhy not? If you think this is a trick, itâs not. If you want, Iâll kiss you first.â You jump down but youâre held back by a hand, heâs literally pushing you away. Itâs a feeling that causes a tug, you really donât like it.Â
âYouâre drunk,â Peter follows the statement with your name, heâs not mean but heâs also not going to change his mind.Â
You scoff, buzzed would be more accurate. âIâm not drunk.â
âDrunk enough youâre allowing yourself to have this conversation.âÂ
He has a very fair point.Â
âLiquid courage, kiss me?â Peter shakes his head, âyou made it clear nothing would happen, so nothing is going to happen.âÂ
You grin, âconsider it practice then.â Your words make him frown, âyou donât want this.â Who is he to tell you what you do or donât want?Â
âHow do you know I donât want this?âÂ
âBecause this isnât you.âÂ
You feel a tightness in your chest, he doesnât get to think he knows you more than you do. âYou donât know me, Peter. You just have an idea of me.âÂ
âYouâre hurt and confused. I wonât take advantage of that, being mad at me wonât make me change my mind.âÂ
Where was his care coming from? He didnât care about you this much and neither should Peter. It wasnât normal, was it? But itâs also not fair to compare Peter to him at every chance, especially because Peter only ever seems to outshine.Â
âWhy didn't you act like this a year ago?â If he truly cares, where was it before?
âYou mean when you had a boyfriend?âÂ
Is that why he waited until now to be a friend? Did he think youâd be sad and have weak defense, making it easy for him to get first in line? âIs that what it is? You waited until I was dumped to put on this act and lay it on me while Iâm all confused? How long have you had this planned out?âÂ
Your words are like daggers, the things youâre alluding to, he would never do them. Ever.Â
âDonât. Iâve always liked you but you had a boyfriend and the last thing on my mind was trying to get with you when it ended. You were so miserable, I just wanted to be a friend or something, but it changed and maybe a little piece of it was me being selfish. I made the first move, several times. I kissed you, I asked you out, I told you I liked you. And you said no. I respect your no, why donât you?âÂ
You could tell him the truth, tell him that he was right and his love terrified you because you havenât felt something so raw before in your entire life. Peter wasnât yours, or anywhere close to it. It shouldnât be natural to feel magnetized to him.Â
You could tell him the truth, but youâre better at hiding behind false walls.Â
âI liked you better when you didnât care about me.âÂ
âIâm sorry you feel that way.âÂ
He knows youâre lying but he wonât make you admit it, no, heâll push you into your corner of lies until you force your way out with the truth. Peter Parker will not chase you.Â
Would it be wrong to push him so far away he wouldnât let you chase him too?Â
âYou have a superiority complex. Thatâs why you canât find a girlfriend, or any friend really. You think youâre better than everyone else and itâs a natural repellent.â You back up towards the door, you spit words as they come to your mind.Â
âI was willing to do it. I was willing to give you a shot but you ruined it for yourself. Youâre going to look back on this moment and regret it.âÂ
Peter really doesnât care for your dramatics. Itâs impressive he can one, handle it and two, make you check yourself. âRegret not taking advantage of a drunk girl? Is that what youâre insinuating?âÂ
âNo! I just meant that⊠I donât know what I mean, Peter! I donât know anything and youâre not helping in the slightest and everything about you makes me want to fucking cry or scream or, or⊠I donât know.â Your voice trails, itâs the most honest youâve been in weeks.Â
âI donât know anything anymore, Peter.âÂ
Everything youâve ever thought about love has been wrong.
He made you feel flightless. But Peter, Peter made you feel free. Peter made you feel like you were flying at full speed, like the wind washes over your cheeks so harshly youâre in a permanent grin. Youâve never seen the world from this high up, in this much color, itâs never been so beautiful.Â
The flight is amazing, thinking about stopping it hurts you. How would it feel to be on the ground again, to walk around, to be without wings and treetops and colors and wind? How would it feel to be without Peter?Â
Would it feel like an agonizing death?Â
Would your wings ever be patchable again?Â
Questions that make you realize the closer you get to him, the harder youâll hit the ground. Youâre okay with falling, youâre able to brace yourself the best way you can. But will Peter be there to catch your landing?Â
It looks like heâs trying to stop himself from hugging you, itâs a good thing he is. He might be thinking youâd yell or push him away, you think youâd just cry.Â
Peter looks tired, and more than just because you woke him up. You wonder if itâs because heâs up late every other night, you want to ask him about the routine and why he broke it tonight. You wonât.Â
Your back hits the door, there was only one thing you were sure of, it had been a chain reaction since. This was Peterâs fault, heâs the one that kissed you. He started it.Â
âYou shouldn't have kissed me, you really, really shouldnât have. Youâve fucked this all up, penis.âÂ
Peterâs tired of the blame. âYou came here,â he ends it with your name, like heâs pleading.Â
Itâs annoying, at least you tell yourself it is. If you can replace feelings with antonyms youâll trick your brain and youâll be right on track to hating him again and only seeing him as a void object.Â
You open the door, itâs the last time youâll allow yourself to look at his face.
Itâs Peterâs fault.Â
âBecause you made me want to.âÂ
WEEK FIVE.Â
Itâs way too early for the hysteric buzz of a mosquito in your ear, yet, it still sings to you while youâre locking your front door.
âGood morning.âÂ
You nod your head, âpenis.âÂ
And just like that, the mosquitoâs squashed.Â
You yawn so harshly that you rub at your jaw. Youâre unable to sleep and miserable. Youâve tried everything under the moon and stars, nothing worked. Staring up at the ceiling you tried to count sheep but they kept turning into the tiny freckles that dotted over Peterâs cheeks.Â
It wasnât fair to keep thinking about him, youâre doing your part. You cut him out and you decided to hate him. Youâre just finding out that thatâs not how it works.Â
3:02, you hear his window.Â
3:04, your eyes finally get heavy.Â
3:07, youâre dozing off.Â
3:10, youâre asleep.Â
It wasnât fair.Â
Three nights later, Itâs 3:02 in the morning and a window slams shut. This time, it isnât your neighbors. This time, it was your own. You should be scared, but you donât feel threatened, youâre curious. You pull your head from under your pillow.Â
Spider-Man is at the foot of your bed, his shoulder hits the window frame when he pulls his mask off. Heâs racing for air, he looks beat up, a gash crossed over his chest.Â
If you didnât have as much distain as you did, youâd be slightly shocked.Â
âIf you get blood on my carpet, I will fucking kill you.âÂ
Peter must be dizzy, because heâs imagining you in his room.
"Seriously, if you get blood on my carpet I'll have you come over tomorrow and scrub it out with your toothbrush."
Peter tries to swallow, it's hard to do. His head feels like a brick, his hands won't stop shaking.
âHey, pesky pete, I mean it. Get the fuck outta here.â
When he holds his eyes close, then opens them, he still sees you there. Peter looks down at his hands, turning them back and forth. They go in and out of focus, itâs dizzying, at one point he has five hands.Â
He says your name questioningly, itâs hard to get words off his tongue, his brain is moving too slow. âYup, thatâs me. Now get out.â Peter touches his chest, itâs beet red. His shoulder is killing him, he stumbles and slams into the wall- now youâre sitting up in bed.Â
âPeter, are you okay?â Itâs pure worry, the act is dropped for a second, heâs not normal. Heâs not answering, you think heâs trying but he canât bring himself to speak, heâs lagging in real time. One foot hits the floor, the rest of you perched in your bed keeping an eye on his frame.
âPeter.â You need his focus on you.
He presses his hand to his wound, a last ditch effort to protect your carpet. Then, he hits the floor. You jump up, âPeter? Peter, are you okay? Peter,â heâs passed out and tore up to shreds. Every bit of you wants to scoop him into your lap and hold him tight, but instead, you get to work.Â
Peter flies up from the bed gasping for air, his face is cold and wet. The source is your twisted grin above him, a water glass held tightly.Â
âOh, good. Youâre up.â
Peter pats his chest, a blur of last night follows. He sits up in a haste, a tug in his side makes him cradle it, you both wince at the same time.Â
âYeah, I tried doing the best I could, but I wasnât sure if there was something under that.. Or how to take it off. You probably have significant damage.âÂ
âThanks.â His mouth is dry and his voice crackly, it sends a zing up your spine. Peterâs never felt so weak after a rough night, his head is pounding and he can feel the crunch of dried blood under his suit.Â
âCan I get some of that or are you still punishing me?â The only reason you give him the rest of the glass is because you like Spider-Man. He has a job to do, Peter on the other hand, could die of thirst.Â
âYou passed out on me last night.âÂ
Peter chugs the glass, you almost think about getting him another. âI did.âÂ
You nod, âI had to lug you up here, youâre extremely heavy when youâre dead weight.â He almost smiles at the imagery, instead he glances down and realizes you did your best attempt at working on the gashes over his chest and arms through the spandex.Â
Even as he was passed out and rendered useless. You must not hate him as much as you say. It's still nice to know he's not getting special treatment because of who he is, not even Spider-Man could make you like Peter.
âHas anyone ever told you that you have excellent bedside manner?âÂ
âOh no, anything I could do to make it worse?âÂ
âI think another water and some advil might kill me.âÂ
âPerfect, coming right up.âÂ
Peter takes another ten minutes before trying to sit up, âI should go home and shower.â Your hand gently pushes his shoulder back down, âeasy, tiger. May isnât home and youâre not about to turn your shower into a personal slip and slide.âÂ
Before you could regret the words, âif you want a shower, youâre doing it here.â He paused under your touch, scared you made the wrong impression, your eyes widened. âNot with me or anything, I just meant so youâd have someone around.âÂ
Peter doesnât care how it has to get done, he wants the suit and dried blood off him. He nods his head and sits up a little slower before tugging at his neckline. You look away for a minute, unsure where to settle your eyes.Â
âHelp me get my arm out?â Your hands pull at the suit, his arm escapes, itâs covered in small knicks. Itâs a subconscious move, you gently tap the cuts with your thumb. Peering into his eyes you hold a frown.Â
âDoes it hurt?âÂ
Peter feels like you might kiss his marks. âNot really, itâs mostly my side.âÂ
You rub his chest, âyou got a gash right here.â Itâs over his heart.Â
âGuess weâre twinsies now.âÂ
If he wasnât in pain, youâd slap his arm for the comment. Instead, you watch him carefully remove the red and blue until heâs left in his boxers. You do your best to keep your eyes on his face, Peter looks amused.Â
âYouâre trying really hard not to look at me.âÂ
âDonât flatter yourself, Parker.â You offer a hand to pull him up, he accepts. A slow stand, his backâs more defined than his front, you almost bite your fist. Peter has the same shower as you, but you still explain how to use it. And allow him to use your products.Â
âGot it.â The tap is turned on, the water hits against the ceramic. You make no effort to move, instead watching for a moment. Peterâs fingers pull at the waistline of his briefs, your eyes dart right to them.Â
âYou know, this is the part where most people leave.â Itâs teasing.Â
âI just wanted to make sure you got in okay, itâs a high step.â Itâs a quarter of the truth.Â
âIâll be alright, Iâve been doing this alone for a few years.â Peter says it like itâs an inside joke, but it just makes you feel sad. Heâs never had someone to be there for him, or patch up his wounds, or make sure heâs okay to shower. You wonder how many times heâs passed out on his bedroom floor with no one to drag him to bed.Â
âYou okay?â A hand on your skin wakes you back up, clearing your mind of Peter.Â
You nod, it was a flash of empathy. You couldnât imagine what itâs like for him.Â
âIâm just sorry youâve had to do it all alone. It doesnât seem fair, Spider-Man does nothing but take care of other people. He should have someone to take care of him for a change.âÂ
It may sound like youâre insinuating, especially the way he looks at you when he responds.Â
âYeah. Thatâd be nice.âÂ
Seconds tick, itâs getting a little weird, mostly because you want to tackle him into the shower and race your mouth over every inch of skin. You clear your throat, âyou want me to get you anything from your place?â
âSure. Go shopping for me.âÂ
You use the copied key May left for you several years ago when you tended to some plants while her and Peter went on vacation, and it feels weird being in their home alone. Itâs too quiet, the Parkerâs are expressive in everything they do, when they're not around everything lacks passion.Â
Peterâs bedroom is almost the same as it was the last time you were in it, the same furniture but moved around. His posters looked updated and thereâs a few extra awards heâs tucked away, you frown, he should be proud of his achievements and hang them high.Â
A new picture of him and May from last year, you ignore the part of your brain that says he has very kissable cheeks. His closet is clean and heâs made it easy for you to search around, each drawer is dedicated to a different clothing and everything that should be hung up, is.Â
Itâs something you hadnât considered, but a man taking care of his laundry creates an entire new standard.Â
Peter handed over the control when you said to get what you wanted, that means you can dress him how you please. And wouldnât he look yummy in sweatpants and a white shirt? You donât see how he couldnât, itâs the male version of a sundress.Â
Arms full of cotton, you tap at the bathroom door with your foot. You shout over the water, âI have your clothes.â Itâs muffled but you hear him and gently push the door open, a faint outline on the shower curtain suddenly makes you shy.Â
âTheyâre right here,â patting the clothes for good measure. Peter shoots out a âthanks!â and you slowly back out until youâre sitting patiently on your bed, listening closely when the tap turns off. If he goes falling, youâre busting the door down.Â
No struggles, at least not until he emerges. Peterâs fine, but youâre speechless and choked. There was no one you punished but yourself with the outfit, the t-shirt is tight on his arms and the sweatpants hug his hips just right.Â
âI feel human again, thanks, kid.â You turn on manual breathing mode and distantly nod, his biceps are stretching the cotton, you lick your lips subconsciously. âNo problem.â You watch a water droplet fall from his hair to his shoulder, your eyes stay hooked in place, his arms flexed when he dried it with the towel you lended him.Â
âWhere should I put this?â You point to your hamper, if he put it anywhere else youâd be half tempted to sniff it. âDid you tell May I was here?â You nod and finally find strength to talk to him, âyeah. I sent her a text last night, I wasnât sure of her Spider-Man knowledge so it was a little cryptic.â You take a breath and choose honesty, no doubt heâd get a third degree.Â
âI think she interpreted it as us hooking up.â Another breath, âI did not correct her.âÂ
Peter has a boyish smile spread, it squeezes your chest, you want him in your hold more than anything. âNice.â You scream and cheer and thank your lucky stars when he sits next to you. He used your products, but he still smells like Peter. You want to stuff your nose into his shirt and breathe him in until you physically canât.Â
âMay knows, by the way.â You nod absentmindedly, âanyone else?â âA couple friends.â You almost make a quip like âwow, you have friends?â but you really canât find it in you to pretend to hate him anymore. Especially when he almost died on your floor and all you wanted to do was tell him that you were sorry and you were mostly in love with him.Â
âCan I ask a question?âÂ
âShoot.âÂ
âDo the webs come out of you?â Peter lightly laughs, itâs always the same question off the bat. âNo. I make a special web fluid and I have these bracelet kind of things to shoot them out.âÂ
âOh. Cool.â Youâre hiding the burn in your lower stomach at the thought of him over his desk creating a new form of technology. Heâs so fucking smart itâs unfair, heâs too smart for his own good.Â
Heâs grinning at you, âis it?â You canât stop staring at his mouth, âyeah.â Youâd do anything to kiss him again, the last time you truly felt alive was when his lips were on yours. âAny other questions?â Thereâs one. But itâs not about Spider-Man.Â
âNot really.â Your interest could be explored later, right now, all you needed was him. Peter finds it surprising, âI think you are the least curious person to find out about this.â You shrug, shifting your body more towards him. Peter rejected you last time but if you move like he did when he kissed you, if you move in slow for the kill, you might just get your way.Â
âGive me the cliff notes.â Peter starts ticking them off with his fingers, while heâs distracted you move in closer. âBit by a radioactive spider when I was fifteen. Heightened senses plus a cool sixth sense where I can sense danger. Super strength-â You stop listening right there, your eyes are all over his build, no fucking wonder heâs a contender for worlds fittest man.Â
You shuffle in, your knee brushes his thigh, if he notices, he doesnât say anything. You thank the sweatpants, the material too thick to give you away. â-Oh, and I stopped needing my glasses which is pretty cool. I think thatâs pretty much it, but if you want me to expand on anythâŠâ
 Now or never.
You push up and straddle Peterâs waist, his hands immediately hold your hips. You lean down, his grip tightens. Peter mumbles out your name, you answer with a slow kiss. Your fingers drag through his hair, curls wrap themselves around your fingers, you hold them tight. When Peter licks your bottom lip, when Peter takes control, you need to feel every bit of him.Â
Your hands fall down his neck and over his shoulders, then they fall to his arms, your nails lightly drag up the skin. A hum from Peter, your lower stomach clenches, you answer with a roll of your hips, he sighs into your mouth. You drag your palms over his chest, his heart is at the same pace as yours.Â
You break the kiss, both of you breathing fast, it doesnât last. You kiss over his jawline, you canât hold it in, you canât fucking stop yourself. âYouâre so fucking hot,â wet marks are dotted down his neck. âI wanna take you right here, I wanna make you feel so good.â Another grind, this time, Peter moves with you, it pulls a moan from the back of your throat. The favor returned with a hickey at the bottom of his neck, it sent him falling into your hold.Â
Youâre kissing anywhere you can reach, âyou gotta stop,â it comes out in a puff. âYouâre killing me here.â Too bad, not so sad, youâre latched onto his mouth again, this time, you tug at the bottom of his shirt, it takes three times before you realize heâs not catching the hint and you pull it up yourself.Â
You study him when it goes flying, his eyes are more pupil than brown, his lips pouty and pulling a red hue. âLay back,â he does, you lean over him, youâre marking up his collarbones while his hand has a fistful of your hair. Then⊠the kisses get lower, you're grazing over his chest, delicate brushes across the semi-healed cuts, you mustâve blocked out the advanced healing perk.Â
Your hand trails over his side, you soak in the grooves and muscle, your fingers brushing against the waistband of his sweatpants. Peterâs breathing hitches, you keep teasing, then bring your lower body into play. Bumps and grinds have Peter panting in your mouth, you pull back, even as heâs heaving for air, Peterâs trying to follow your kiss.Â
Your fingers slip further under the elastic, holding his gaze when you tell him about your intentions. âI wanna suck you off.â
Thereâs a pause, then he sits up on his elbows.Â
âDoes this mean you want to be my girlfriend?â Does it? You donât think so. You just want him, you want his mouth and his hands and his body intertwined with yours. But to fall into him and have him see all your worst parts, to have him hold your heart between his hands and trust heâd take care of it is too much.Â
âNo.âÂ
Heâs sad. Itâs not just something you think, itâs something you know. Your heart tumbles with his face. You want to hug him, you try, but he tossed you off his lap like nothing.Â
âMay told me to get groceries today, so I should probably head out.â You swallow tightly, youâre not liking how this is sounding. âAre you mad at me?â You feel nothing but shame at his sigh, itâs debilitating when you hear his cutthroat tone. âIâm not a fucking rebound.â But he wanted to be. He wanted this. He wanted you.Â
Peter doesnât use the f word, not ever.
âWhether Iâm your girlfriend or sucking your dick, youâd still be a rebound.â Silence rings around the room. Peterâs voice is tight when he answers you.Â
âIs that all you think of me? Just a rebound?âÂ
You donât know how to be honest with him. You never have. âWould I be wrong?âÂ
âVery.â Itâs clipped. Youâve never heard Peter with an edge and you donât like it. You really donât like being on the other side of his frustration. Heâs only ever been soft and kind with you, you canât handle any more change in your life. You need Peter to keep being Peter.Â
You were so scared of losing him you went and filled his head up with words of affirmation, used your mouth on him, then turned around and shut him down. If this is only a fraction of how it stings when Peterâs upset you donât know if you could handle more. Youâve never felt Peterâs cold shoulder before and it hurts.
âIâm sorry. I didnât mean it.â Itâs bullshit, Peter can sense it too. âYou did.â You chew on your bottom lip, âI did, but not like that.â Peter seems taller than normal when heâs standing over you, you canât look him in the face, itâs nothing but being mortified. You really put your foot in your mouth.Â
âDo you even like me or are you just horny?â You canât allow yourself to answer him.Â
âIâm an idiot.â Your face turns in, Peterâs laughing at himself. âIâm such an idiot. I really thought you liked me. I thought you were trying to fight it but no, that was just me daydreaming.â Youâre looking up at him but heâs already standing at the door with his shirt on and suit tucked under his arm.Â
âYou donât like me. You never did and now Iâm trying to make pieces fit where they donât.â Heâs staring right into your eyes, he says it louder, heâs saying it for himself. âIâm not a rebound.âÂ
âYouâve never been properly loved and it shows.âÂ
And thatâs the most brutal thing he couldâve ever said to you. Your lower lip trembles with the tears pricking at your eyes, he started it and you canât stop it.Â
âI fucking hate you. I hate you so fucking much, Peter.âÂ
No surprises there. âYeah, I know.â He sounds just as defeated.Â
When he leaves you cry harder for Peter than you ever did him, and that says something. But youâre not listening.Â
WEEK SIX.
You finally broke down and told everything to Natalie Greene. She held you in her arms while you cried about losing what you couldâve had. âIâm sure heâll come around babe, he likes you a lot.â You shake your head, ânot anymore. He hasnât answered any of my texts in three days.âÂ
You can at least give yourself the benefit of trying to do damage control. He wouldnât let you. Youâd sent a flurry of texts, each one more apologetic than the next, begging him for a chance to see you but he refused.Â
You think you broke him.Â
âHave you tried talking to him? In person?â You shake your head, he doesnât want to talk to you. You blew everything up and for the first time you really hate it. Two weeks ago you were begging for this but now you just feel terrible.Â
âNat, this is nothing like what I had with him and I donât know what that means.â Your friend hugged you close, âit means you love him more than you ever did him.â You swallow hard, you knew the truth but it was different hearing it.Â
It doesnât matter anymore. You ruined it and Peter wonât talk to you anymore.Â
âYou shouldâve seen the look on his face, Nat. He was fucking crushed. Itâs likeâŠâ You take in a sharp breath, youâve been beating yourself up over it since he walked out. âItâs like I used him.â Natalie Greene doesnât bullshit but sheâs still soft as ever with her response, itâs purred out while her acrylics scratch your back. âYou did.âÂ
Sheâs your best friend. She should be on your side. âBut I didnât! I just-â
âYeah, you did. You knew how he felt about you and you said no so he stopped trying. Then you showed up drunk and threw yourself at him, he said no and you got all butthurt. Then he comes over and somehow passes out on your floor and you offer him a blowjob.âÂ
Well, when she puts it like thatâŠÂ
âOf course heâs going to think you flipped your script, youâre the one who kept pushing after you told him no.â Peterâs words echo in your mind, âI respect your no, so why donât you?â Because you canât allow yourself to have him, thatâs why. But⊠you already do, donât you? Or, you did.Â
âHeâs gonna wreck me, Nat. He already is.âÂ
âBecause youâre fighting it. I get it, babe, Iâve been where you are a dozen times. But you donât get over heartbreak by hiding from love. I know itâs Peter Parker and heâs been your enemy since you were eight, but no matter how fast you try to run, heâs right there matching your stride.âÂ
You sniff into her arm, she smells like lavender and it makes you snuggle further. âI think Iâve always liked him.â You could finally admit it. Natalieâs been there for months, years possibly. âI know. You always talk about him.âÂ
You scrunch your eyebrows, âno I donât.â Natalie thinks you mustâve said a funny joke because sheâs laughing like it. âYeah you do. Sure, it might have been mean things but if you truly hate someone you donât notice everything they do.âÂ
You noticed everything about Peter and made sure to fill Natalie Greene in on the gossip.Â
Like when he cut his hair way too short in middle school and his curls disappeared for months.Â
When he slipped in mashed potatoes in the cafeteria and fumbled until he could steady himself.Â
When his cheeks flamed pink because he forgot to silence his phone during a test and the Game of Thrones theme song blasted through the room as he awkwardly tried to silence the call.Â
Then thereâs the time he stuttered when giving an answer in biology because Lindsey Snipes was twirling her hair at him. A small tug in your stomach, the answer suddenly clear to why youâve always hated her too.Â
And when he bumped a friend's coke all over his notebook and he just watched with an open mouth while all his hard work was ruined.Â
When he stumbled up the steps.Â
When he hit his head with his locker.
When he stepped on his glasses.Â
When he was tackled in flag football.Â
When he tripped over his shoelace.Â
When he got glue in his hair.Â
When he winced while dissecting a frog.Â
When he cracked his phone because he dropped it and a guy on the football team kicked it clear across the cafeteria while he laughed. That one didnât make you laugh. That one made you so angry you made a point to tell Kristina, said player's girlfriend, so she could give him a well deserved tongue lashing. And not the good kind.Â
When he fell asleep at the library and had a red mark on his cheek to prove it.Â
When he spit milk everywhere because the one he grabbed was expired.Â
When, no matter what, each time you met his eyes heâd send you a smile. And how each time there was something that made you want to give it back.Â
âNatalie,â you can hear it in your voice. Itâs dangerous. Itâs terrifying.Â
Itâs worth it.Â
âI think Iâm in love with Peter Parker.âÂ
Natalie Greene and you had carefully conducted Operation: Get Peter Back.Â
Step one: Tell him, (IN PERSON) how you feel.Â
Step two: See above.Â
There were no other steps. Natalie Greene told you thatâs all you could do.Â
One day later you knocked at his door before you could lose the small amount of courage you had, itâs soft enough you hope itâs unnoticeable, you could quit and say you tried. Your heartbeatâs in the bottom of your throat, your palms itch as you rub them over your shirt.Â
A smidge of relief, no one heard you. Youâre about to quietly escape, May doesnât let you off that easily. Sheâs surprised when your name comes from her mouth, you wonder how much she knows. âHi, May. Is Peter home?â Sheâs got a weak poker face, her eyes dart to the side of the door before sheâs smiling sweetly.Â
âSorry, honey. Heâs out with some friends.â You know heâs right behind the wood. You speak up, you want to be sure he hears you too. âCan I leave you with a message?â May stands straighter, she wasnât expecting this. âOf course.âÂ
âCan you tell him Iâm sorry? And that Iâve been way too selfish and mean and a complete and utter fucking bitch to him for no good reason for nine years? Can you tell him that heâs the last person I ever wanted to hurt like this and that I really want to say it to his face?âÂ
May ignores the colorful language and youâre thankful for it. Her eyes trail to the side again, she smiles softly. âIâll let him know.â Thereâs no need, he already knows and you both know it. His answer lies in the fact that heâs allowing May to keep up the charade. You donât know if Peter is bad at forgiveness or just that you donât deserve it.Â
âThanks, May.â You watch the door slowly close, when there's just a crack left you stop it with a hand. âHeâs⊠Heâs okay, right?â Your heart thumped slowly, youâre reading her face like itâs your job, you need to know heâs okay.Â
A tight nod. âHeâs okay.â You can breathe a little better. âGood.âÂ
You stare at his door for another two minutes after it shuts.Â
Is this an asshole move? Yes.Â
Is this worse than what youâve already done? Possibly.Â
Peter still wasnât talking to you and you only had one card to pull. He was home, but he wasnât answering your texts. You think itâs time to fight fire with fire. Youâre standing by his apartment door, and loudly talk into your phone. No oneâs on the other side, but he doesnât know that.Â
âHello? Yes, Iâm looking for J. Jonah Jameson?â Your eyes twitch to his door, nothing. You speak a little louder. âI understand heâs busy. Well I just⊠Uh huh, right, I understand, yes maâam. Is he interested in Spider-Manâs identity?âÂ
You hear something drop inside his apartment.Â
âYeah, I know who Spider-Man is.â Peter swings the door open, your phone is ripped from your hand. He glares down at the screen, youâre not connected to anyone. âThatâs a low move.â You lightly shrug, âdid you expect anything more than that?âÂ
A scoff, âwith you? No.â Your lips twitch, you have to fight the frown. You catch his arm when he turns around, thereâs no trying, heâs an unstoppable force, youâre moving with him. âIâm sorry! Peter, please! Iâm sorry, I am so so sorry and I need you, okay? I need you to not be mad at me.âÂ
Was that honesty? Were you actually being honest with him? Your shoes squeak when he stops pulling you, youâre looking at him desperately searching his face for emotion. There is none. âYouâre not a rebound. Not at all. I shouldâve never called you one.âÂ
Thereâs a lot youâve done to Peter you never shouldâve done. Maybe itâs time you start owning up to it.Â
âI shouldâve never said you were a rebound, I shouldnât have kissed you, I shouldnât have shown up here drunk, I shouldnât have kept coming back for more after I told you no. I shouldnât have ignored you for nine years, I shouldnât have shut you out when I was eight, I shouldnât have hurt you.âÂ
Peterâs not saying anything and you donât mind. You need to say this, you need him to know.Â
âI shouldnât have hurt you. I meant what I told May. Youâre the last person I ever wanted to hurt like this. Youâre Peter. Youâre nice, youâre warming, youâre always positive and you buy me pizza without making fun of me and you sign off on donation slips and you let me rip your notebooks apart and you bake me things.âÂ
You blink through your tears. âYou were there when I really needed you and you are anything but a fucking rebound to me.â Your chest feels tight, âyouâre so good to me, even when I donât deserve it. I really donât deserve it now but I really fucking need you, Peter. I know I went on this whole speech thing where Spider-Man needs someone but-âÂ
âIâm here.â Relief fills you, Peter has you tucked into his chest with his arms around you. âIâm right here, okay?â Itâs the selflessness that really gets you. Youâve been nothing but mean and standoffish but Peterâs hugging you because you need it.Â
But really, itâs because he knows he was right. You do like him. You like him more than youâre willing to admit to him yet.Â
âCan you catch popcorn with your mouth?âÂ
Peter tosses a piece up and catches it with his eyes closed. You grumble and throw your own at him, he also catches that with his eyes closed.Â
âOkay, turn off the powers and try again.â He laughs at you, âit doesnât work like that.â You huff, âwell, make it.â Peter tosses a piece up and dodges it, it satisfies you. âHa. Loser normy.âÂ
âDid you just call me a normy?âÂ
âYouâre just a boring normal person, I hate to tell you, but itâs true.âÂ
Thereâs been a brief pause in the actual relationship aspect of your friendship. Thereâs no more kissing, but youâd really like there to be. You think Peterâs starting to sweat you out and you have no issues with it. If he wants you to make the first move, youâll do it.Â
But itâs all in the timing.Â
âDid I ever tell you that six weeks ago Nat said sheâd do heroin with me?â Popcorn spills on the couch, Peterâs darting his eyes over your arms looking for track marks. âWe didnât do it! She said that if I still felt miserable after six weeks sheâd do it with me.âÂ
âMiserable? What, about the breakup?âÂ
âYeah,â you shove a handful of buttery styrofoam into your mouth. For the first time in weeks it doesnât hurt to talk about. Itâs not even a little sore, thereâs no bitterness or resentment. Thereâs nothing there. Itâs pure indifference.Â
You pushed Peter away because you didnât want him to be a rebound, you didnât want to use him to get over someone else. But you havenât thought of him since⊠since⊠you canât remember the last time you actually thought of him.Â
But when you think of Peter your heart races, your palms feel warm, your stomach flutters. His kisses ignite you. You wake up in the morning and think of him, you wake up every night to make sure heâs home and go right back to sleep. You walk with him every morning, you wave and smile at school, you come over everyday.Â
Youâre in love with Peter and only Peter.Â
âI donât know why I ever thought he was worth that.âÂ
Peter has the answer, itâs muffled around popcorn. âCause you loved him.â You pick a piece off Peterâs shirt and crunch down on it. âYeah, I donât think I knew what love was. How embarrassing.â Â
He smiles. Your eyes catch the screen again, you shuffle more towards Peter, then stop yourself. âIs it weird if we cuddle?â Peter rips the popcorn bowl between you away, heâs never cuddled with a girl before but heâd be an idiot to say no.Â
âWeird for who? Weird for me? Weird for us?â Peter doesnât care about the answer. âThose are rhetorical, just come cuddle me.â Itâs all you needed, you press up against him and wait, heâs not moving. Fine with you, you halfway lay on him, head on his chest. Youâve never been this close to him, youâve kissed him and youâve made a bold move that backfired, but youâve never been this soft or domesticated with him.Â
Peterâs heart is drumming a little fast, you make no comment. Yours is beating at the same rate.Â
You expected Peter to still like you but you havenât asked. After what happened maybe he decided youâd be better friends. It wasnât talked out, you both skimmed over what happened and started hanging out like nothing happened.Â
But it did and youâre glad. It puts things in perspective. It made you realize how much you like him. You just need to know if it made him feel the opposite.Â
âDo you still like me?âÂ
âIâm sorry, Iâve never cuddled with anyone before so I donât really know what-âÂ
âNo, I mean do you still like me?â Peter knows what you mean. He doesnât know how you think he doesnât. âOf course I do.â You peek up at him, heâs already got eyes on you, it makes your cheeks feel warm.Â
âEven after I was shitty to you?â Peter laughs, a hard laugh, you move with his jostles. âHoney, youâve been giving me shit for nine years, it hasnât slowed me down one bit.âÂ
Honey. It has a nice ring to it, you like it. But the one youâve always liked hasnât ever been uttered with endearment and you really want it, you want it to come from Peterâs voice and have it wrap around your ears while your heart bubbles up with giddiness.Â
âCan you call me sweetheart?âÂ
âIs that the one you like?âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
âSure thing, sweetheart.âÂ
Itâs so much sweeter than you imagined.Â
Youâre not sure what details May knows, but she knows you hurt her nephew. She hasnât said anything but you can feel her watching your back every time youâre with Peter. Her tone isnât clipped and sheâs just as welcoming as before, but you can feel it. You can sense that she isnât fully trusting.Â
May had stared at you for a good thirty seconds when she caught you spread across Peterâs lap while he studied. You tried to focus on his rubix cube in your hand, even going as far to prove youâre not a threat by giving him a light kiss on his cheek. She didnât seem convinced, but she left it alone.Â
Two days ago she burst into Peterâs room and made it very clear that when you were over the door stays open. Peter tried to fight it, he said that you were just hanging out but she was dead serious, going as far as saying that if he couldnât handle her rules, he wasnât allowed to have company.Â
Peter didnât tell you that you were the only person with this rule, but you knew you were.Â
âI just donât get why youâre making such a big deal out of this, May. Sheâs just-â You werenât going to be involved, you werenât going to give May more ammo.Â
âDoor stays open, Peter. If May says it, we follow it.â Peter doesnât agree with you, you can tell by the way he nods his head and clicks his pen. When did you start being able to read him? And why do you like it so much?Â
But the real hint was when you werenât welcome to stay for dinner the previous night. Thereâs never been a time May denied you food, most of the times sheâd come over begging you to join so they wouldnât have so many leftovers. But last night she just suggested you go home and prepare for the next day.Â
You watched Peterâs jaw clench in frustration, then you sweetened him up with a smile and told him you were planning on leaving anyway. You donât think he bought it. You needed to talk to May, you needed to know she was okay with you and Peter, if she wasnât- no matter how hard it would hurt, youâd stay away from Peter.Â
May is all he has and youâre not going to put any strain on their relationship. Not over you.Â
Peter was staying late at school for math club and itâs your perfect opportunity. A light knock, May answers almost instantly. Sheâs surprised but she melts into a smile, itâs lacking something. âOh! Peter isnât here.âÂ
âI know. I wanted to talk to you.â Now youâve got her interest. May opens the door wide, you go straight to the kitchen for the batch of cookies Peter made you last night. You can taste the love in them.Â
âMay, I need you to level with me here. Do you have a problem with me dating Peter?â Thereâs a beat of silence, âare you dating him?â You swallow a bite, ânot yet. I needed to make sure it was okay with you.âÂ
âYouâre asking for my blessing?â You slightly nod. âMore or less. Youâve been really nice but I feel like thereâs a little tension. I feel like you donât totally trust me with him.â Confirmation, but it doesnât hurt like you think.Â
âPeterâs a sensitive boy. He does everything a hundred and ten percent. If you want him, heâll give you more than his all. Can you say the same?â Can you? Yes. Itâs without a doubt. You want him and only him and youâd lay your life on the line. Thereâs been so much wasted time, Peter couldâve been your first but you were too stubborn.Â
Peter wasnât your first, but with everything in you heâs going to be your last.Â
âYes. Iâm in love with him. I love him more than I ever loved anyone, I love him more than I thought was possible. I want to be there for him, I want to support him through the bad days and I want to be by his side for the good ones. I want him and only him, I was just too dumb to see it before.âÂ
Mayâs mouth etches into a smile, this time it reaches her eyes and sheâs hugging you. A whisper in your ear, âI always knew this is how it would end.â You grin into her shoulder, âreally?âÂ
âPeterâs nothing but determined. It was only a matter of time.â You know what that means. âAre you giving me your blessing?â She laughs and pulls you closer, âyou always had it. I just needed to know you were serious.âÂ
Time passes quickly, youâre three cookies down and youâre itching for a fourth. You swear he puts crack in them. You talk animatedly with May, youâre fawning over her own love story and hoping that that would be your future with Peter. When the door unlocks you perk up, you canât bite back your smile or tapping feet.Â
âWhatcha doing here? Hi May.â Your arms spread wide, Peter fills them. âI came to talk to May, I stayed to see your handsome face.â How did you once see it as annoying? How did you once find his smile revolting? Heâs the prettiest person youâve ever seen. You want to kiss him more than anything, May gave you the green light, you press up on your toes to give him a peck.Â
âI missed you. How was math club? Were you the smartest hunk there? Donât answer, I already know itâs a yes.â Peterâs still reeling from the kiss but he powers through. âI wouldnât be too confident about that, sweetheart.â Your heart clenches, him saying it makes your knees feel weak. âMathew Ryan is in the club with me.âÂ
âI hate blondes. I only like cuties with brown, curly hair by the name of Peter Parker.â His eyes squint at you, it makes you feel warm, you hide back in his chest. Mayâs watching with heart eyes, sheâs never seen you so happy. âYouâre laying it on thick today. You must need something.âÂ
âJust you, handsome.â Okay, you might be laying it on a little thick, but you canât hold it in. You just love him too much, itâs uncontainable. Heâs perfect. âMay, sheâs up to something. I donât trust it.â His aunt keeps grinning. âI do.âÂ
Peter pats your back, âif you trust it, I guess I have to, too.â You squeeze him tight and mumble into his chest, he still hears you. âWhat, now?â You asked if you could talk to him, it had him looking down and giving you his full attention.Â
âWhatâs up?â Your eyes shoot to his door, message received. Peter leaves a small gap in the door, you pause and poke your head out to his aunt. âCan I shut the door?â A three second count, âpermission granted.â It clicks shut, you spin, you have all his attention.Â
âYou said I was never properly loved.âÂ
Peter feels his heart drop, it was the nastiest thing he could ever say to you. Part of him wished you had forgotten but thatâs not something thatâs forgettable, thatâs something that sticks with you forever. He never meant to say it, it was something he spewed out to make you feel just as bad but thatâs not who he is and thatâs not what he does and he really shouldâve apologized way before now.Â
âIâm so sorry, I didnât mean it. It was a shitty thing to say and I-âÂ
âYou werenât wrong. I havenât been properly loved. But Iâd like for you to show me how it feels.âÂ
Your pulse rises with his silence, Peter holds out a steady hand. âJust to be clear, youâre asking me-âÂ
âIf youâd be my boyfriend.âÂ
You let out a soft groan, youâre spinning in his hold and pushing at his arms. âPeter!â He doesnât care, your feet lightly dangle, youâre laughing with him. âNuh uh, youâre not allowed to push me away anymore, Iâm your boyfriend.âÂ
Boyfriend. Peter Parker is your boyfriend. What a rush of feelings, thereâs a new one you havenât felt before. Pride. Youâre prideful that Peterâs your boyfriend, youâve got the greatest person in the world tethered to your hip and heâs going absolutely nowhere. Ever.Â
âIâve been waiting for this day since I was fifteen.â A flurry of kisses over your face, âholy wow, youâre my girlfriend. I can kiss you whenever I want, and I can touch you! Oh, and now I always have someone to eat pizza with. And the science museum! No one ever wants to go to the science museum with me!âÂ
âHoly wow?â You giggle at a string of kisses to your jawline, you never knew someone would be so excited at the thought of dating you. âWow, wow, wowie, my girlfriendâs a hottie.â You push him away with a disgusted sound, âthatâs so gross, Peter.âÂ
âOops, let me repent with a kiss.âÂ
Itâs the fireworks again. This time theyâre blinding. Your back burns with his touch, you want to swallow him whole. Itâs not lacking passion, but itâs soft. You reach for his shirt collar when he pulls away, this time he laughs.Â
âI was going to ask if I was a bad kisser but-âÂ
âNo.â This time youâre keeping him chained to you with your hands behind his neck. âBest kisser ever,â you give him a chaste one to prove it. âMy handsome baby.â Your waist is squeezed, âyouâre too nice.â He doesnât understand, heâll never be able to understand.Â
âI wasted so much time, Peter. You were right there and I was so⊠so stupid that I couldnât see what was right in front of me. I have no idea why you like me, I was so mean and cruel and I never appreciated you.âÂ
Peter has secrets too. âI was friendly, but I didnât like you. You were super aggressive and made a point to say something mean⊠but then Ben died.â The oxygen runs from your lungs, it wasnât something you thought about, you thought he didnât either.Â
It was brutal watching him and May go through that. You remember that night vividly, the night May got the call. You could hear her screams from your room, itâs something youâll never forget. Her wails, the way she begged to God that it was all a dream. You knew what happened before you could see them and the one thing you thought of in that moment was Peter.Â
You can still remember the panic you felt, the overwhelming urge to make sure he was okay. You remember your feet skidding across the carpet, the cold hardwood in the hall, the way your middle knuckle split you were knocking so hard.Â
âPeter,â itâs all you had to say. Then you were scooping him into your arms, holding him tight as he sobbed. You kept telling him you were sorry, you brushed his hair back and rubbed circles on his back. You kept him tucked into your neck while he cried, you didnât tell him it was okay, nothing about that night was okay. You remember holding in your own tears, you swallowed them down and held Peter all night.Â
Fourteen hours. You had him curled up with you while you kept telling him sorry, you had stayed up all night with him and took care of him. You got him water, you made him eat a snack, you did what you could while they slept. You did laundry, you did the dishes, you made cookies.Â
Peterâs uncle died and you made him cookies.Â
Your boyfriend dumped you and Peter made you cookies.Â
You basically lived there for a week, you slept with Peter, held him with each bout of sadness, and never ever told him it was okay. You held his hand at the funeral and kissed him on the back of it before he gave his eulogy. You made sure he was minimally functioning, you tried to keep him busy with dumb tasks.Â
After two weeks he didnât need you anymore and you slowly faded away until it settled into how it used to be. You think Peter liked it a little, not everything had to change because Ben died. But you never went out of your way to hurt him anymore, he didnât need your help in that department. What used to be petty attacks turned into silence and gentle name calling.Â
But you were there for him when he needed it. Just how he was with you.Â
âYou pulled an Uncle Ben on me.âÂ
A twitch in his lips, âyou were there for me when my world ended, I had to return the favor.â Itâs not fair for him to compare the two. âI was broken up with, I didnât have my-âÂ
âDevastation comes in all forms. Itâs not about whos is worse, itâs about being there for someone you care about.â He doesnât hide his smile, âeven if they claim to hate you for all eternity.âÂ
âI donât hate you anymore.âÂ
âSpoiler alert, you never did.âÂ
Youâve been caught. Peter knew the whole time, he was just waiting on you. âAre you sure you donât hate me? Cause Iâve been really terrible to you the last month.â Your boyfriend rolls his eyes before giving you a big hug.Â
âThatâs because youâre stubborn and didnât want to admit you liked me.â You poke his ribs, âyou knew?âÂ
âSweetheart, I knew the day you said I had very pretty eyes.âÂ
âYeah, you do. Let me see them again, boyfriend.âÂ
The last six weeks you detested love and what it brings. The disaster, the heartbreak, the pain. You never thought youâd love again and definitely not with the neighbor you hated. But right there, in his room, you felt your heart crack open and ooze onto his bedroom floor.Â
And you watched love begin again.Â
âAnything for you, girlfriend.âÂ
----
TAGLIST: (some @'s wouldn't show up :(
@hollandweather @imwaytoolazyforthis @sincericida @darling-im-wonderstruck @abucketofweird @conniesanchor @ellieistired @melodicheauxxlovesfood @nyomjoon @buckybarnessweetheart @luqueam @hyacinthhare @prettiest-lover @jakobsdump @vanessa-b @toomanydamfandoms @jamespottersdaisy @sassyrizznerd @arctic0tter @thievin-stealing @cool-ontherun-world @gwengonesplat @sunflowerkiwis @iamawhoreforu @cottonheadedninny-muggins @toezies @1-800-peggy @lnmp89 @ribbonknives @sinceweremutual @luerdelune @pining-and-tired @gorefairies @str4wberry222 @hoetel-manager @rexorangecounty @ellswilliams @peterparkerswhvre @kdbsr-h @astrxq @eatshitanddie- @somethings-going-on-here @m0g444 @oncasette @rainyyouthcoffee @azkzaban @know-its-for-the-better @hellfirescoops
1K notes
·
View notes
teenage dirtbag, baby! | luke castellan
pairing: luke castellan x fem!reader
summary: there is nothing more exhausting than being known as the picture perfect daughter of aphrodite⊠luckily, camp half-bloodâs resident teenage dirtbag luke castellan canât relate at all. fake dating him to piss off your siblings and mother could never go wrong, right? (based on 18 by anarbor)
wc: 6.5k
warnings: smoking, mentions of drinking, mentions of drugs, mentions of sex, implied sexual content, drew tanaka being a bitch, and kinda ooc luke bcs hes meant to be well ⊠a teenage dirtbag.
a/n: its still valentineâs day for me sooo happy valentines đđ !! in mexico valentineâs day is also known as the day of friendship so this one is dedicated to my favorite people ever: @emiliehornby @love-that-we-were-in and @kestisvrse <3 !! hope you enjoy it mwah !!
The sounds of campers laughing and gossiping in the dining pavilion are drowned out by your siblings and their annoyingly loud whispers about the allegedly cute (youâd beg to differ) son of Ares who joined camp less than twelve hours ago. Sure, he seemed like a nice guy even though he's a child of the god of war, but you were certain the only reason they kept bringing him up was because they wanted to set you up with him.
âAnd his arms, oh my gods! Have you seen them?â one of your brothers chimed in, trying to get you to agree with him, but all you could come up with was a hum and a polite smile.Â
It pissed you off a bit, the knowledge of you never being able to go against your siblings' wishes.. the fear of disappointing them and your mother being all-consuming and blinding you with fear.
There were times youâd think about it if youâre being honest. Times where you would let yourself dream of doing something so stupidly reckless for once. Something that would stop your siblings from walking all over you and treating you like their personal lapdog.Â
Not only was it tiring but it was also humiliating to a certain point. You were older than most of them and you were pretty sure you were the only one that took being a demigod seriously, even taking your time to strategize for Capture The Flag with Clarisse, and yet⊠you rejected Chiron when he asked you to be a counselor and told him to ask Silena instead.Â
And you loved your familyâyou really did, but it was getting exhausting. Always having to be perfect was draining you and you were afraid of the kind of person youâd become if you allowed this to keep going.Â
âHe totally wants to ask you out,â Silenaâs voice snapped you out of the daze you were trapped in. You turned your head to the right, facing your half-sister with a small frown on your face.
âYou really think so?â you replied, trying your best to sound excited.Â
âOh, I know so,â she answered before going on a whole rant about how cute youâd look with the newly claimed son of Ares. A son of Aresâthat you badly wanted to remind herâhad only been in camp for less than twelve hours and you knew nothing about.Â
You stayed in the dining pavilion with your siblings until you found the strength to tell them you were tired and wanted to go to sleep (an incredibly blatant lie but it didnât look like they cared) and stood up, brushing the dust off your jeans.
âWait, Iâll go with you!â Silena said with a smile, standing up and moving closer to you.Â
âYou donât have to. You can stay with them if you want to, reallyââ you were cut off by your half-sister with an exasperated sigh.
âI want to go with you. Plus, I can walk back here once I drop you off at the cabin,â she stated with a playful roll of her eyes.
The two of you walked back to the Aphrodite cabin in a comfortable silence. You liked being with Silena, she was a few years younger than you but she carried herself with so much grace and love it was hard to feel uncomfortable or weird whenever you hung out with her.
You kept your gaze on the sky, noticing that the moon was out by now. âHey,â Silena whispered, trying to get your attention.
âYou okay?â you answered. Your mind was practically hardwired to always look after your siblings, so your brain was unwillingly making you think of the worst-case scenario.
âWhat? Yeah, I am okay,â Silena was quick to reassure you, âI just wanted to talk to you aboutââ
âI swear to all the gods, Silena. If this is about that camper..â you replied with a small sigh. The two of you stopped walking when you reached your cabin, deciding to continue the conversation outside.
âHeâs not that bad! He is a nice guy and the two of you would look really cute together,â she insisted.
âYou donât even know him.â
âUgh, fine. Good thing is there are other cute campers we can introduce you to. I met one of Charlieâs brothers a few weeks ago and I think heâdââ
âI canât do this tonight,â you replied in an exhausted tone.
âWow, okay. No need to be mean about it,â Silena muttered.
âIâm sorry?â
âIâve been trying to help you find a boyfriend for months now and you always shut me down. It was fine at first but now youâre just being mean,â she explained.
âMean? Silena, you said it yourself. Iâve always shut you down because Iâm not interested in getting one.â
âWhatever,â she replied bitterly before turning around and walking back to the dining pavilion, leaving you alone outside of your cabin.Â
You stared at her back as she walked away, going through the last few minutes over and over in your head. Were you being mean? All you did was stick up for yourself. You didnât understand why you were feeling bad for standing up against your siblings just for once.
A snort made you realize you werenât alone. You turned your head towards the noise just to be met with.. oh.
Luke Castellan was leaning against the side of your cabin, carefully hidden under the darkness of the night and the shadows of the trees, he had a cigarette in his right hand and an obnoxious smirk adorning his even more obnoxious face.Â
âHope you enjoyed the show, Castellan.â
Luke raised his hands as if he had been caught and blew the smoke away, âIâm on your side, she was being a fucking bitch.â
âDonât call her that, sheâs just a kid.â
Luke raised a brow before taking another drag of his cigarette, âDo not call your sister a bitch after seeing her.. be a bitch to you?â he shook his head. âOh, princess, you need to work on getting rid of that altruism.â
âDo you even know what that word means?â you snapped, not being in the mood to indulge in whatever it was he wanted to talk about.
âWhy? You want to teach me?â He said with a smirk.
âDonât even start with your annoying stuff, Castellan,â you muttered, running a hand down your face, clearly overwhelmed with everything that had happened.Â
âBecause you know you wonât want me to stop?â he pressed, but after a moment of silence his smirk fell and a frown took over his features.Â
âUh.. you want to...â he trailed off and cleared his throat, âyou want to talk about it or something?âÂ
You squinted at him before eventually letting out a sigh and walking over to Luke, standing next to him with your back pressed against the wooden walls of your cabin. Luke extended his arm away from you to keep the smoke far from your face.Â
âSo, um... Silena wants to set me up with that new camper,â you started.
âFuck. The Ares one?â Luke interrupted.
âCastellan.â
âRight, sorry. Please continue, princess.â
You decided to ignore the insufferable pet name he gave you and continued, âThe thing is I do want a boyfriend, just not⊠him.â
Luke hummed before bringing the cigarette to his lips again and inhaling the smoke in, he kept his mouth closed as he thought of something decent to say before slightly tilting his head away from you and blowing out the smoke upwards.Â
âAlright, and have you tried telling her to stop?â he cut himself off and shook his head. âNope that was shitty advice, have you tried maybe describing your type or whatever it is you Aphrodite people say to describe the people youâre attracted to.âÂ
âMy type?â you replied, almost offended by the statement.
âYeah?â Luke answered as if it was the most obvious thing to do, âJust describe the type of guys youâre into and Iâm sure that cult of yours you like to call siblings will be happy to helpâŠâ he trailed off when he noticed your gaze set on his right hand and your bottom lip in between your teeth as he flicked the cigarette, causing the ashes to fall into the ground.Â
He looked up from his hand and burst out into laughter, shaking his head before whispering an amused fuck.Â
âOh?â Luke said with a bright smile and raised brows, âYou find this attractive, angel?âÂ
âThat thing is going to kill you,â you explained, âIâm not attracted to people that like to slowly kill themselves.âÂ
âFucking bummer. I wanted to see you take a drag, that wouldâve been really hot,â he said, his smile not wavering. âNext thing youâre going to tell me is that you donât drink, right?â
âNo, I donât.â
âLook at you, being such a good girl,â Luke teased before throwing the rest of his cigarette to the ground and stepping on it.Â
âAlso, that thing you said about Silena being just a kid was really fucking stupid. Sheâs almost the same age as Annabeth and she doesnât act like an asshole, Iâm pretty sure your sweet little sister is just a bitch.âÂ
Annabeth. You forgot that even though Luke is an annoyance most of the time and prefers to stick to himself.. he still has a soft spot for the twelve year old daughter of Athena. It was kind of endearing.Â
âAnnabeth is a daughter of Athena, you canât expect her to actââ
âYou didnât act like Silena when you were fourteen. You need to stop giving her excuses and allow yourself to get mad at her.âÂ
âIâd rather have my siblings get mad at me and just stop perceiving me as this perfect and weak person, maybe once that happens theyâll stop trying to mess with my life,â you explained, your gaze set towards the ground.Â
Luke was about to open his mouth and try to come up with a funny one-liner to make you feel better, but he didnât get to because you were quick to look up at him with a gasp and wide eyes.
âThe fuck? Are you okay?âÂ
âI need you.â
âShit, angel. Most girls say that after a few dates but Iâm not against the idea,â he said with an amused look in his eyes.Â
âEw, no. I mean, I need to date youâfake date you.â
âIâm uh... not for sale?â Luke answered, clearly confused by the plan you were trying to explain.
âNo, Castellan. Listen to me. My siblings despise you, Iâm sure theyâd set my bed on fire as a way of cleansing my soul from you if they find out weâre dating.â
Lukeâs eyes got bright and his smile widened (if that was even possible), âSet your bed on fire? And what would we do in your bed for them to feel disgusted by its existence?â
âYouâre disgusting. Anyway, if we fake date Iâll get to stop being perceived as their perfect sister and youâll have bragging rights for dating an Aphrodite kid,â you said, moving your hands as you spoke.Â
âIâm pretty sure Drew started the rumors about me having lice and smuggling coke into camp, are you sure you want to fake date me of all people?â Luke asked carefully, trying to make you think about what was at stake. He didnât give a shit about staining his already nonexistent reputation, but he couldnât have you ruin yours.Â
âI am so sure, Castellan,â you reassured him.Â
âYou know, for a good girl Iâm extremely surprised you never say please.â
âPlease, Castellan. Could you please be my fake boyfriend so I can finally stop being seen as my siblings' personal toy?â you said with a fake smile while bringing your hands together as an exaggerated way of begging Luke to say yes.Â
âYouâre so cute when you beg. But you need to prove to me youâre serious about this fake dating thing. Meet me tomorrow at the bonfire, no bullshit.âÂ
ê°á â à»ê±
You had been on edge the entire day. Silena seemed to be past the argument, which made you feel better to an extent, but that didnât seem to shake the uneasy feeling that settled in your gut because throughout the day you could feel someone staring at you. You could feel Luke staring at you. Â
You were walking past the sword fighting arena with Katie Gardner from the Demeter Cabin the first time it happened. The feeling of a pair of eyes completely set on you. You turned your head to the right just to be met with Lukeâs exhausted figure, he was sweating and panting, but that didnât stop him from running his eyes up and down your figure and smiling at you.Â
To say Katie was disgusted would be an understatement. A âCastellan is a dick, you should stay away from him,â was enough to stop you from staring at him and turning your head back to Katie. She went on to explain how Luke was a âreal shitty personâ and only hooked up with her as a way of getting her to grow weed in the back of the stables.Â
It happened around eight times in the last two hours (not that you were counting) and it only got worse when the moon came up and everyone was making their way to the bonfire. You were walking next to Michael Yew when you felt a hand on your lower back.Â
Lukeâs hand on your lower back, to be exact. He left it there as he walked past you, only turning his head back to say âItâs adorable to see you together, are you two a couple?âÂ
You had to hold yourself back from strangling him when you heard his irritating laugh after he saw Michaelâs reaction to his statement. Michael tried his best to be polite and tell him he was wrong, that there was nothing going on between the two of you.Â
But his reply only seemed to fuel Lukeâs actions even more because all he did was answer with a cocky âOh, I know. Our princess here is only into... what was it? People that like to slowly kill themselves with cigarettes?â before walking away.
You were going to kill him.
Michael left your side as soon as you arrived, moving to sit with his siblings from the Apollo Cabin⊠leaving you with two choices: sitting with your siblings or sitting next to Luke (who for some reason always sat alone and spent the entire time listening to the music coming from the MP3 player he somehow managed to get into camp).Â
So this is what Luke meant, you thought. This was the only way you could prove to him and everyone that you were serious about dating himâfake dating himâbut it's not like they would ever know the truth.
You dragged your feet as you walked towards Luke, clearly having second thoughts about your plan, but there was no turning back now. You tried to ignore the confused look Drew was giving you and the gasps you could hear coming from your siblings.Â
âIâm pretty sure Drew started the rumors about me having lice and smuggling coke into camp, are you sure you want to fake date me of all people?â You weren't so sure anymore but that didnât stop you from taking a seat next to Luke Castellan, who took one of his earphones off and looked at you with a smile.Â
âHappy now? I just proved how serious I am about this,â you whispered to him, trying your best to not let anyone hear you.
Luke nodded before saying, âYou couldâve done better, but Iâll take it.â
âDone better? I just sat next to you in front of the entire camp, isnât this good enough for you?â you asked, indignation evident in your tone.Â
âPromise not to beat me up?â Luke said before pulling your arm and manhandling your body so you were on top of him, sitting on his lap. He placed his hands on your hips and looked up at you with stars in his eyes.
âWow, Castellan. How scandalous, Iâm sitting on your lap,â you deadpanned.Â
He chuckled, bringing you closer to him and pressing his lips against yours. Lukeâs hands felt like fire against your skin, all you could feel was a heat taking all over your body as he continued to kiss you, only pulling away to catch his breath before bringing you in for another one, this time he kissed you deeper and faster.Â
Luke dragged you closer to him by pressing your hips against his and all you could do was melt into him and the feeling of his lips against yours. In the distance, you could hear gasps and people gagging, and you were pretty sure the campers from the Ares Cabin were cheering and whistling, but all your thoughts were on Luke Castellan and how good of a kisser he is.
You pulled away first this time, trying to steady your breathing as you looked into his eyes. He licked his lips before whispering âWe should go.â
Your eyes widened as soon as he said that, the implications of what the sentence meant making you feel nervous. Luke was quick to reassure you, âIf we leave, your siblings will be even more outraged. We donât have to do anything, but theyâll think we are doingâŠsome stuff. Just come to the woods with me for a little while.âÂ
You nodded and grabbed his hand as he guided you through the woods. You could hear Silena calling out your name and warning you about the consequences of your actions, but her voice was drowned out by the loud cheers coming from Clarisse.
Once the two of you were far enough from the rest of the campers, Luke let go of your hand and sat down by the lake, nodding his head as a way of asking you to join him.
You sat in silence for a few minutes until Luke spoke first. âHow long do you think we should keep this thing up?â
âValentina and Drew will want us to be over by tonight,â you said with a smile, a laugh escaping your lips. You didnât notice how Lukeâs eyes got brighter when he heard your laugh or how the melody that came out of your lips went straight through his heart and made him feel more alive.
âBut I think a week should be enough. We can say weâve been secretly dating for like... five months? That way it wonât be weird if we break up in a week,â you explained while your fingers played with your camp necklace.Â
Luke nodded before going silent again, staring at the lake with a look you couldnât quite comprehend. Your gaze was set on him, your eyes traveling from his toned arms, all the way to the scar that sat right below his right eye.Â
âI know itâs awful, I can feel you staring at it,â he murmured. You could physically feel your heart sinking when he said it. You cleared your throat, âNo, I⊠I think itâs beautiful. I think youâreââ Luke turned his head to face you, an inquisitive look in his eyes. âI think youâre really brave, Luke.âÂ
âBeautiful?â Luke asked, confusion written all over his face. âYou should hear what your siblings say about it, then. Iâm sure your opinion would change in a second.âÂ
âBeing an Aphrodite kid means you see beauty everywhere,â you explained, âAnd I think your scar must be the most beautiful thing Iâve ever seen.â Luke stared at you with an unreadable expression, making your heart almost beat out of your chest.Â
âAre you flirting with me, angel?â
âOf course, youâd ruin the moment. Screw you, man.â You rolled your eyes.Â
Luke threw his head back in a fit of laughter, it made you want to strangle him⊠again. âDid you just say screw you? Gods, princess, saying fuck wonât kill you.âÂ
âI donât like to curse, thank you for pointing it out, Castellan,â you said, playfully shoving him, making him fake a gasp.Â
âYou went from trying to seduce me to trying to kill me, youâre so interesting, angel,â he said before letting out a sigh. âIt, uh⊠It was really hard at first, getting used to the scar.â
âHaving people call it all sorts of names, and looking at me with nothing but pity in their eyes was not easy to get used to. But after some time you just⊠stop caring. I mean, Iâm not that big of an asshole to hold a grudge over a fucking scar, it even looks sick. But yeah, when it gets hard again all I can do is snort a line and move on.
âThe coke smuggling was real?â you gasped, only focusing on the last sentence he said. Luke tried to keep a straight face but his facade fell the moment he noticed your wide eyes. Luke Castellan has the type of laugh that makes everything get fuzzy and makes you feel lightheaded, and all you wanted to do was to come up with bad jokes just for the sole reason of hearing him do it again.Â
âFuck, you really believe anything, huh?â
âShut up, Castellan. Iâll literally stab you and let you slowly bleed to death,â you threatened, standing up from your place next to him. Luke followed you as you walked back to the cabins.
âYou do know Iâm the best swordsman in the last 300 years, right? Do you even know how to wield a sword?â he asked, matching your pace and walking next to you.Â
âLow blow, just because I donât like to indulge in violence it doesnât mean I donât know how to wield a sword,â you retorted.Â
Luke snorted a laugh, âYou donât know, do you?â
âNo, I donât. Will you shut up now?â
âI only will if you accept to let me teach you how to fight tomorrow,â Luke said with a tilt to his head. He didnât even give you a chance to answer because he walked away from you while saying a loud âMeet me tomorrow morning in the sword fighting arena.âÂ
ê°á â à»ê±
You were sure you were seconds away from passing out. It's been around two hours of sparring with Luke and your arms and legs were about to give out. The sun was starting to come out, which meant this torture was nearly over. At least thatâs what Luke promised. âWeâll stop as soon as the other campers wake up, that way you wonât have to be embarrassed if they see your⊠skills.â
The two of you circled each other, your swords were raised and Lukeâs blade was pointing straight at you. Luke took a second to study your stance before lunging forward, his sword meeting yours as you quickly blocked his attack. âNot too bad, huh?â Luke teased before trying to get another hit, his moves becoming more calculated the longer you kept blocking his advances. Proving he wasnât called the best swordsman at camp for nothing.Â
With a disarming maneuver you werenât aware of, Luke was quick to throw your sword to the ground and have you stumbling back, not being able to regain your footing. Luke gave you a smirk when your body hit the ground with a small thud, âThat was easy,â he said, âWe should do this more often.âÂ
âNope, this is a one-time thing, Castellan,â Luke rolled his eyes before bringing the blade of his sword closer to you, reaching for your chin with a glint in his eyes. The blade met your chin and Luke lifted it, making you meet his gaze as he slowly made you stand up by raising his sword even higher.Â
The two of you stood still, staring intently into each otherâs eyes until you heard itâthe sound of the Ares Cabin making their way to the arena. Luke let out a surprised shit, dropped his sword to the ground, and walked closer to you, cupping your jaw with his right hand and kissing you.Â
Your lips met in a hurried collision, causing the same fire from yesterday to set in your stomach. Your hands moved to Lukeâs hair, softly pulling it as the kiss got heated. You knew this was fake, you knew this kiss meant nothing to him⊠but you didnât want him to stop. âHoly fuck, are you two always sucking each otherâs faces?â Clarisseâs voice cut through the moment, causing you to pull away from Luke, unable to meet his gaze.Â
âYeah, thatâs what being in a relationship entails. I donât think youâd know much about it, La Rue,â Luke breathes out.
âDonât you have weed to sell or a cheap bottle of vodka to down, Castellan?âÂ
âAw, you know me so well,â Luke answered before picking up both of your swords and grabbing your hand, walking away from the arena.Â
The following days were (and you hated to admit it) filled with the most fun youâve ever had. Luke would come up with some insane idea for a fake date and it would always end with one of you lying about seeing a camper or hearing Silenaâs voice as an excuse to make out with each other.Â
There was this one time the two of you were having a picnic by the strawberry fields and the day ended with the two of you hiding in the empty forge while making out, running your hands over each otherâs bodies, and doing the normal stuff fake couples always do⊠it all happened because Luke swore he heard Valentinaâs voice near the fields. (You were sure Valentina had been on the stables that entire day because she had cleaning duty, but why wouldnât you play along with something you also wanted to do?) Â
It was Sundayâthe last day of your fake relationshipâwhen Silena finally found the guts to talk to you about Luke. You even felt slightly bad for the girl because she was so nervous when she sat next to you in the dining pavilion.Â
âI..um... I just wanted to say Iâm sorry,â she began, âWell, there are lots of things for me to apologize for, but I think itâs pretty obvious what the main problem is.âÂ
âThe way Iâve been treating you is not okay and Iâm really ashamed of it. You shouldnât have to feel pressured to be the person we want you to be, I used to see you as someone who couldnât do things on her own and always needed someone to push her and help her handle everything⊠and now I see I was wrong,â Silena explained, running a hand through her hair.Â
âItâs fine, Silena. I donât mind.â
âWell, I do. Youâre strong and more than capable of doing things on your own, and you donât need me to try and help you or fix you.â She took a deep breath. âI didn't know you were dating Luke, and to be honest I didnât even know he was your type. He is so⊠weird and I never wouldâve guessed you were dating. I mean, Drew told me he does cocaine andââ
âHe doesnât,â you interrupted.
Silena raised a brow before continuing, âAnyway, Iâm sorry if I ever made you feel bad for just... existing. And you always look so happy after hanging out with Luke, I truly hope the two of you stay together for a long time.âÂ
You didnât even know how to explain the situation so you just blurted out âI broke up with him.âÂ
Silena looked shocked for a few seconds before letting out a deep breath, âOh, thank the gods. Just because we trust you it doesnât mean we trust him,â she spat the him with so much disgust it made you feel sick. âYou deserve so much better.âÂ
ê°á â à»ê±
This is probably the first time you have ever felt ill at the thought of seeing Luke. Sure, you used to be annoyed by his presence before the whole fake dating situation even started, but at least you were a strange type of friends back then. Not really close but also not complete strangers. There were times youâd catch him hiding his secret stash of weed behind the stables and didnât tell anyone, and heâd always pay you back by lying to Chiron about you practicing your sword skills with him. (You had only used a sword once and it was years ago when you were still a new camper, you had no idea why Chiron would ever believe him.)
Luke was sitting in his usual spot by the lake, a cigarette in his hand. It had become a tradition for the two of you to always meet up by the lake before curfew to talk about your day and practice your kissing so it wouldnât look fake.Â
âHey,â you said, taking a seat next to him. Luke threw his cigarette to the ground, stepped on it, and almost instinctively wrapped an arm around your waist, kissing your temple. âBlink-182?â you asked, nodding at the MP3 he had on his lap.Â
âThe Smashing Pumpkins,â Luke answered, taking his earphones off. âMellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness is one of the best albums ever made.â
âI have no idea what youâre talking about, but Iâll take your word for it,â you said. Luke smiled and poked your side.Â
âSo, thereâs something I need to talk to you about,â you began, but Luke held up his hand as a way to get you to stop.
âCan I say something first?â he asked, looking shy for probably the first time since the day you met him.Â
You nodded and let him take the lead of the conversation. âAlright, so⊠Iâm kind of shit with words so Iâm sorry if this doesnât make any sense but this past week has probably been the best week of my life. And Iâm not even fucking around, I donât have many friendsâapart from Annabeth, and getting to be with you is the best thing that has ever happened to me.â
âBeing your friend is the greatest gift the gods have ever given me, and sometimes I feel like I donât even deserve it. Iâm a mess of a person, and youâre well⊠youâre you,â Luke stared deeply into your eyes, âAnd I just wanted to let you know thatââ
Luke didnât get to finish his sentence because this time it was you who cut him off with a kiss. You could taste the cigarette on his lips as he brought you closer to him, running a hand down your back and deepening the kiss before pulling away and moving to kiss your neck.Â
Luke began to trail kisses down your throat and only stopped to whisper a low âLook at you, what would Aphrodite say? Iâm sure sheâd be proud.â
Aphrodite.
You pushed him away the moment you remembered your mother. âSilena apologized. We can stop pretending now.â
Luke was silent and just stared at you, his fingers moving to fidget with the wire of his earphones. âOh, right,â he cleared his throat. âItâs Sunday, I forgot.â
You knew he didnât.
âYup, so we can go back to normal now,â you said, looking away from his eyes because you knew it would only take one look into them for you to kiss him again.
âGood,â Luke stood up, not daring to even shoot you a glance, and walked away. Leaving you alone by the lake with the lingering smell of his cheap stolen cologne mixed with the cigarette he was smoking.Â
It didnât help that you were welcomed into your cabin with hugs and your siblings congratulating you for breaking up with the son of Hermes. Sure, you werenât the perfect sister anymore because you dated Luke Friendless-Freak Castellan, but knowing they liked you just because you were with him and then broke his heart made you want to set the cabin on fire.Â
The main rule of the Aphrodite Cabin was something your siblings were extremely proud of, but the thought of its existence made you want to storm into Mount Olympus by yourself and yell at your mother for putting all these useless ideas into their heads.Â
For a child of Aphrodite to prove themselves, they must make someone fall in love with them and then break that someone's heart.Â
Is it possible for the rule to backfire? For the child of Aphrodite to accidentally fall in love with someone and then break their own heart because of it? You didnât even know if that was an option, but you were sure thatâs exactly what you were going through right now.Â
It was hard for you to go to sleep that night because your mind kept replaying the past week on a loop. Your conversation with Luke by your cabin. The night of the bonfire. The conversation by the lake about his scar. Sparring with him. Going on a million fake dates. The night on the forge. Your last conversation with him.Â
âLook at you, what would Aphrodite say? Iâm sure sheâd be proud.âÂ
ê°á â à»ê±
You could feel Luke staring at you. Again.Â
You were helping Annabeth strategize for Capture The Flag, because she had the brilliant idea to have the Athena cabin team up with Hermes and Aphrodite. You didnât know much about fighting and spent most of the time sitting with your sisters during the game, but that didnât mean you didnât enjoy helping them come up with new plans.Â
Once the three of you were done, Annabeth excused herself with an awkward âI think Malcolm wanted me to help him go through some maps. You two have fun⊠chatting!â and left as fast as she could, leaving you alone with Luke.Â
You watched her leave the amphitheater and turned around to face Luke, âI can see why you like her. Sheâs so much like you.â
âYeah, sheâs like my little sister.â
The silence was so uncomfortable you almost broke down crying. You nodded and turned around, not being strong enough to face him, and walked away. You could hear him behind you, following you.
âCan we talk?â he pleaded.
You were about to open your mouth when Drewâs voice made you turn your head. âGods, Castellan. Itâs so embarrassing to still be hung up on your ex.âÂ
Luke sighed, âHello to you too, Tanaka.âÂ
âCan you leave her alone? She doesnât want to talk to you,â Drew said through a fake smile.Â
âOh, really? Did she tell you that?â Luke answered, tilting his head as he spoke and making eye contact with you. Wordlessly begging you to please talk to him.Â
You stayed silent and looked away from him. Luke let out an incredulous laugh before nodding his head. âGood to know youâre back to being their little pet.âÂ
Drew rolled her eyes and walked away, shoving Luke as she walked past him. âSo? Youâre just not going to say anything?â Luke said.Â
âWhat do you want me to say, Castellan?âÂ
âTell me that last week didnât mean anything to you,â Luke answered, his voice trembling.Â
âWhy do you care? I thought I was nothing but Drewâs little pet,â you replied, trying your best to not look weak in front of him.
Luke ran a hand through his hair and stepped closer to you, âIâm sure youâre thinking the exact same thing about yourself.âÂ
You hated that he was right.
The truth made your blood boil. âI donât want any of your shit,â Luke let out a genuine laugh this time, a mocking look in his eyes. âOh, so now she can curse?âÂ
You hated him for seeing the real you. You hated him for knowing the truth. You hated yourself for loving him.
âFuck you, Castellan,â Luke hummed before stepping even closer to you and placing a hand on your waist, leaning to whisper in your ear. âIâm sure youâd love to do that again, right?â Lukeâs smell was taking all over your senses and making your knees go weak. He continued, âBecause even if we do it in the darkness of the Forge⊠it is still two friends fake dating because your mother might be watching.âÂ
You found the strength to press your hands against his chest and push him away, âDonât talk to me ever again.âÂ
You spent the rest of the day with your siblings and friends, too afraid to leave their side because you didnât trust yourself. Because you knew that if you were left alone for a secondâyouâd run straight to him.Â
You sat next to Silena in the dining pavilion. Helped Katie and the Dyonisus cabin grow more strawberries by keeping them company. Walked with Michael to the bonfire, and stayed with Drew throughout the entire singalong.Â
As always, Luke was sitting by himself, his MP3 player in his hand and his eyes were set on you.Â
You walked back to your cabin when the singalong was over and helped your siblings get ready for bed. You were about to go to sleep when Valentina whispered your name, saying she had something for you.
âWe found it last night under your bed, Drew wanted to give it to the harpies but I managed to take it away from her,â a frown made its way to your face.âWhat do you mean?â
âWe found this,â She pulled out a badly wrapped gift from under her pillows. You were confused until she told you to open it.
 It was a bright pink MP3 player.Â
âOh,â you whispered, your hands shook as you stared at it. âIâve got toââ
âItâs okay,â Valentina whispered. âHeâs probably by the lake.â
You gave your half-sister a hug before running out of your cabin, and making your way to the lake. You could see Lukeâs silhouette in the distance, and the sight only made you run faster.
You took a moment to catch your breath before saying, âThe Smashing Pumpkins?â
Luke turned around at the sound of your voice. âBlink-182â he answered with a small smirk.
âUh, of course,â you said as you walked closer to him. âAlright, listen. You were right.â
âTell me something I donât know.â
âOh, fuck off,â you continued with a smile. âSo, it turns out I may or may not be in love with this certain guy, and he may or may not be my type or whatever it is my siblings say.â
Luke took a step closer to you. âThereâs a chance this guy thinks Iâm going through a phase and only fake dated him to piss off my siblings and mother but the truth is⊠I donât even care about them whenever Iâm with him.âÂ
His hand moved to caress your cheek, âThatâs cute and all but how does this guy know you truly mean that?âÂ
âIâm not going to make out with him at the bonfire, so I guess all he needs to do is believe me,â you whispered, your eyes moving from Lukeâs eyes to his lips.
Luke smiled before answering, âBelieve you? Thatâs alright with me,â and pressing his lips to yours.
Luke was right. Aphrodite would be proud.Â
929 notes
·
View notes